Hey students everywhere, I'm proud of you. You are so much more than enough.

Hey my maggots who're stuck in the education system right now. This is a long post but... but I know how many of you need to hear this, so please do. I just want you to know...

I'm proud of you. I'm so, so proud of you.

For continuing to survive in a system that's so bullshit that it can fail you at art, give you a grade for composing music, decide your seat in a medical college based on multiple choice questions about obscure ecology statistics (that are probably outdated), and decide whether or not you should study literature based on your summary of a pre-approved book.

I'm so proud of you.

i see you, I know you're exhausted, you're losing the love for subjects that were once your passion but now are ruined, you're burnt out and scared, you're studying things you don't even care about.

I know there are some of you who feel guilty even taking the time to read these words. I know, because I was there.

I'm proud of you for every second you spend doing the things you love, for every second you've spent trying so hard, for every second you've spent resting, for every second you've spent doing ridiculous things that made you smile and laugh and cry, for every second you studied and every second that you didn't, for every second you've spent wasting time because hey the point is that you lived that time and that's amazing in itself.

It's a fucked up system. It's broken and deeply flawed on every level, from the administration to the teaching to the budget to the students' mentality to the politics to the inclusivity... it's all fucked.

The more you recognise that, the closer you'll get to maybe realising that truth. That your talent and love for a subject, for an art form, for a branch of science or mathematics or a language, cannot possibly be measured in fucking numbers or alphabets from A to F.

The very idea is ridiculous, yet here we are, believing it.

Let's not anymore. It'll take a while to push it out of our head. But we can do it.

Yeah?

Tell yourself, and the people you know who are at any stage of education right now, all of this. It's not your fault. You're doing so well. I'm proud of you. So much of this is out of your control, with factors that shouldn't matter affecting your grade, with things happening that you can't help. So I'm proud of you. For being you and living. I'm sorry if you don't hear it enough, because you should.

I'm so, so proud of you.

i have a test in less than 12 hours about a book I haven’t read, but I just found an amazing enjoltaire fanfiction fuck me

i actually despise my school. they do everything they can to make sure we all look the exact same. they do not allow us to express ourselves at all.

i have coloured shoelaces, and apparently that makes me stand out too much, so they made me change them. i wore badges on my blazer, and apparently that made me stand out too much, so they made me take them off.

the schools will do absolutely anything to make children as miserable as they can, and make them all carbon copies of eachother.

they dont care.

yk how children are always so curious, how they are filled with this amazing sense of wonder about the world. they are always like: oh wow! whats this? whats that?, and they wanna learn everything and see everything...

and then comes school, honestly i cant ever forgive the education system for what it does to these children, it crushes this sense of wonder and amazement and turns them into government job working 9 to 5 workers

i read this somewhere, abt a scientist who went to visit this school, and he went to the first grade first. he asked them to ask him ANYTHING they wanted to, and he was absolutely bombarded with questions. next he went to the senior most class, and he told them the same thing..... but here, he was met with absolute silence.

and later he mentions that there must hv been sth that was done in those years of schooling that changed all this

“a little bit of stress is good for you”.

does Not mean anxiety disorders are in any way good for you. saying this because all throuhhout school, especially before exams when the mentally ill kids were really fucking struggling, teachers would always recite this line.

they would always say that it is what gets you out of bed and helps you fight bears and exams (because all these things; saving your life and passing an exam, are equally important apparently). and they would say a Lot of stress is bad for you, and leave it at that.

but just like with pain scales, i have no fucking idea what a Lot of stress versus a Bit of stress looks like. anxiety disorders are disorders because they cause significant distress, imapirment, suffering, or difficulty. by definition it does Not help you. 🌹🌹

long post just to elaborate

there have been times when i thought that maybe didn’t want help. didn’t want treatment for anxiety because was scared it would make me in the way the teachers described: void of stress; careless and therefore fail exams, or not fight enough bears. thought ‘ i want to keep just a little bit of anxiety’. but that’s not how it fucking works.

when anxiety is a disorder, no part of it, no matter how small, is helpful or necessary to your functioning. it doesn’t keep you focused; it does the opposite. it doesn’t help you out of bed. it makes everything harder. takes all the fucking energy from you.

i fucking hate that schools use a line that taught me to value hypervigilance and anxiety.

yes, they were talking about the optimum level of stress and yes i just interpreted it wrong.

but this post is also about that culture where the ‘little bit can be a good thing’ is used to chip away at your health. had teachers tell me “you may have to sacrifice your sleep, and your rest time” (and they weren’t wrong; i did that shit. was forced to).

and they conflate the neglect of self care with Seriousness, determination, and focus.

🌹🌹🌹

School Continues to Make my Blood Boil

When I was a little goody-two-shoes seven-year-old I was friends with a lot of the "bad" kids. Usually, they got in trouble for not being able to focus, or being too loud, or moving too much. Which is dumb (they probably just had adhd). And then, they were scrutinized and excluded, and labeled as "the bad kids" even though they were really nice. This just pushed them to be worse. To give in. I really wished there was something I could do, but I was 7.

I remember I was sent to go pick up one of my "bad" friends from a teacher's classroom because he wasn't allowed to go to recess. I stood in the doorway, trying to get his attention by saying his name, but the teacher (who still works there, years later) yelled at me for interrupting her class. Scared the shit out of little me. I didn't go back after that.

I remember seeing that same "bad" friend stab himself in the forehead with a participation medal he got from karate class.

I never really saw him after that. I would still hear his name get called on the intercom, but we never got to talk again. I wonder how he's doing now.

I've had a lot of friends who've had ADHD, and seeing them struggle makes me so angry. The school system has failed them.

I feel like, school, from a young age, has made us forget that people, even if they deviate from the normal, are still people. Witnessing this, in real time, has made me realize how bad schools are when it comes to reinforcing conformity and perpetuating ableism.

People at my school make jokes saying the r-slur or making fun of sped kids or saying things in a "sped voice" and hitting their chests all the time. Hell, even a teacher did that today. They don't deserve this.

School hasn’t even started yet and I’m already overwhelmed hahahahahahshshahahagsshhahashdhfhdnfnfndjgnfjfjdhfjdjfnfjfdjfjfuejfjh

Knowing that you’re going to fail an exam because you’ve been too ill to revise is really just a kick in the head.

Like yeah. I’m going to fail. I can’t do anything about it.

indian college management are literally the worst. they never show up in time of need when there's an illness spread across campus because of their water and food, or when there's an issue with the hostels, or when someone is in need of help but as soon as a child fucks up, everyone fights to bring down their reputation and give them the worst possible consequences

To every teacher out there who is doing some activity where students work along but refuses to slow down when asked to by multiple students:

My life goals when I was a kid: (seriously)

Learn to drive and get a car at 16

Get a part time job at 16

Finish high school at 18

Move out and go to college immediately

Get married and have a family

Get a career in Science (idk what science but someone once (many people many times) told me I had Talent)

My life goals now:

Not die

Physical health needs to be at least not terrible

Get my family to stop bugging me to return to The Church

Exist as a trans person

Be happy maybe sometimes

Not kms for a "stupid" reason like someone not responding to a message fast enough

Maybe I might get some money at some point

Socialism

Status of my goals from when I was a kid

No license and I've banned myself from driving because of my tic and s**cidal tendencies

No job because I'm incapable of putting together a resume because I literally have no idea what my worth as a human being or money making resource for greedy capitalists is

Finished high school technically but the school itself has given up on me and haven't given me my diploma yet a year after I've already graduated

No money to move out, no money, desire, or stable enough mental state to go to college

No Traditional M*rmon Family for me because I'm trans and possibly (as I may have recently realized) fraysexual/romantic, as well as being mostly into women (which they all think I am as well) and, once again, NO MONEY!

No education for a career and no money for an education. Failed most of school and ended up with a ton of trauma instead

In conclusion, fuck capitalism, fuck the usa, fuck ableism, fuck politicians (you all know exactly which ones I'm talking about), fuck the state of texas, fuck homophobia and transphobia, and fuck the united states education system

Idk

I'm just really angry and sad and lonely and HOT BECAUSE FUCK TEXAS WEATHER TOO

THE TIME MY DOG WAS UNDER ACADEMIC PRESSURE.

GUESS WHO CHUGGED DOWN AN ENTIRE CAN OF (POMEGRENATE WINTER EDITION) RED BULL IN UNDER HALF AN HOUR? THIS GUY! IT DIDN'T TASTE LIKE CHERRY PISS SO MY BRAIN DIDN'T REGISTER IT AND I JUST SORTA DOWNED IT.

I'M NOW RUNNING ON CAFFEINE AT A QUARTER TO 4 AM AND SPITE FOR THE EDUCATION SYSTEM.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKING INSANE EVEN MY DOGGY SISTER, ROXIE (A LOT OF Y'ALL KNOW HER, SHE'S CURRENTLY SULKING FOR FOOD) ISN'T SAFE FROM THE ACADEMIC PRESSURE.

SO, AS MOST OF Y'ALL KNOW, I DROPPED OUT OF DESIGN SCHOOL IN NOVEMBER BECAUSE OF BULLYING ETC. SO THEN THERE I WAS, BACK HOME, TAKING ROXIE DOWN FOR A WALK.

AND I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT. SO WHILE WE WERE GETTING TO THE GATE, THIS PINT-SIZED LIL KID COMES UP TO US. FULL SCHOOL GET UP, BUTTON DOWN, BACKPACK, TIE, BELT, THE WORKS. THE ONLY THING STANDING BETWEEN THIS MINIATURE VICTIM OF INDIAN EDUCATION AND A JOB IN IT AT INFOSYS IS TIME, LIKE THE GOOD OMENS BOOK SAID (KINDA).

IT'S AFTERNOON, SO CLEARLY HE'S BEEN DROPPED OFF AT THE GATE. BEAR IN MIND THIS GUY'S PROBABLY BARELY HIGHER THAN MY KNEE. AND YET I FEAR HIM. WHY? I DO NOT KNOW YET. BUT HE APPROACHES ROXIE AND GREETS HER.

THEN HE SAYS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL?

AH, FUCK, I THINK. HERE WE GO. THE APARTMENT NOSIES HAVE BEGUN TO WONDER WHY MY STUPID ASS IS BACK HOME. I SIGH AND SAY, WHO, ME? OUT OF INSTINCT.

AND THIS SHARE-PACK-LAYS-SIZED KID SAYS COOLLY, NO, ROXIE.

HAHA, I THINK, OKAY THAT'S FUNNY. SHE'S NOT, I SAY.

MINI-ENGINEER LOOKS AT ME, FILLED WITH POLITE CONFUSION. SHE DOESN'T GO TO SCHOOL?

I REALISE THIS KID MIGHT ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS. OKAY, CUTE. I REPLY, QUITE REASONABLY, THAT NO SHE DOESN'T.

HE NODS, UNDERSTANDING. SO SHE'S GOING TO START TODAY?

WHAT THE FUCK, I THINK BUT DON'T SAY.

AT THIS POINT, REALISING HE IS DEALING WITH SOMEONE OF INFERIOR INTELLECT TO HIM, THE MICROBE-AU OF STEVE JOBS EXPLAINS PATIENTLY TO ME:

THERE IS A DOG SCHOOL OPENED UP NEAR THE APARTMENT. HE IS GENUINELY CONCERNED FOR ROXIE'S EDUCATION. AND IF SHE HASN'T STARTED ALREADY, CLEARLY SHE MUST BE STARTING TODAY. OR SHE WILL BE BEHIND OTHER DOGS.

IT IS AT THIS POINT THAT I LAUGH AWKWARDLY, QUICKLY MUTTER TO ROXIE TO COME WITH ME IN FRENCH AND WE BOTH SKEDADDLE THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

HELP THEY'RE TRYING TO GET THE DOGS INTO THE EDUCATION SYSTEM TOO IS NOTHING SACRED ROXIE MAY NOT FETCH BALLS BUT SHE CAN UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, TAMIL, TELUGU AND FRENCH, DOES MOST THINGS WITHOUT ANY TRAINING, CAN RECOGNISE MY MUM'S PHONE BUT NOT A STICK (IT'S FINE, SHE'S GEN ALPHA, IT HAPPENS) AND SHE WOULD ABSOLUTE ROT IN DOG SCHOOL.

BUT HOW WILL SHE MAKE IT IN THIS FAST PACED WORLD WITHOUT HER DOGGY DIPLOMA, HUH? HOW, MAGGOTS?

ONE REBLOG EQUALS ONE COLLEGE CREDIT FOR POOR ROXIE AND HER HOMESCHOOLING (THIS IS A JOKE DO NOT BLOW THIS POST UP I WILL REGRET IT SO MUCH DURING MY CAFFEINE CRASH DO NOT TOUCH THE REBLOG BUTTON)

Current Mood:

School.

Fuck school.

I'm going on a rant about the flaws of school, just try and stop me.

I know that school is meant to teach you important stuff, stuff that you may need and stuff that you take interest in, and it does a decent job at this. However, school is built on the expectation that you are "normal". That you have zero health problems. That if you have something like ADHD you have working pills for it. But what about the people who aren't "normal"? What about people like me? I have an extremely hard time focusing on things that aren't interesting to me, and I do try hand to work around this but I can't. A good way to help with this would be to MAKE THE LESSONS INTERESTING. When you're talking about how ratios are different from fractions, half the class isn't listening. A good way to get us to listen would be to spice it up a bit, give us good ways to use this, make us think we need this and get us hooked, most teachers can't do that these days. Another very important thing is choosing the classes you want to take. In Canada, you can "pick" your classes in grade 8, which is pretty late on, but it only really takes effect in grade 9. There's also a very limited amount of stuff you can choose, with no guarantee you'll get what you picked. And yet ANOTHER important note to discuss is the teachers themselves. More often than not you get teachers that aren't the nicest. Like last year I had a teacher named Ms. Santos. She was my math teacher. I d e s p i s e d her. She was always grouchy and mean, and she failed one of her least favorite students even though she was doing everything correct. Teachers need check-ins from the students, not just themselves and other teachers, which I don't even know if they're done. Going back to the thing on the education system being built on the "normal" people of society, schools are still incredibly bad at handling depression, homosexuality and transexuality. On the depression note, all schools do is give up the silent option of getting help from the guidance councillor, they don't even mention it on sheets of paper pinned to the cork board at the office. On the homosexuality and transexuality note, there's probably a few sheets of paper on stuff relating to it on the cork board at the office, but NO ONE READS IT DAMNIT. Having trouble coming out to your parents? Come see this gay club at 7:30 - 8:30 here at the school to meet other gay kids, make sure to get your parents permission to go. That's what most of them are like. All in all, the education system is severely flawed. Actually, here's a list of thing I would do to fix it:

Spread much more awareness about depression and suicide, don't frame it as an enemy, but more of a big challenge to overcome. Also make a good program to help with overcoming this challenge.

Do background checks on teachers about half way into each school year, not just checking their records and stuff, but also asking what the students and other teachers think of them, focusing on mainly how nice they treat their students and if they discriminate against any majority.

Changing how fast you can control your classes. Make it so that more classes start to open up at around grade 6 and let you choose your own classes at grade 8, only a year back from norms but still a big leap.

Understanding. Teachers should know all the challenges of their students, they should know the true reason why their student didn't finish their poster, not just the excuse in black and white. Most importantly they need to understand why this is, some people just don't understand that a select few don't like making their parents worry so they don't mention their homework, then it piles up and that would stress them tf out, making them worse and worse and worse. I'm not venting shut up. Ok maybe.

As much as I do have some more things I would change, it's probably best not to express them because as of now I've said enough. The education system sits on a throne all proud people can't reach, but they cry when people throw stones at their feet. Fuck school, evolve to crab.

after studying for JEE for like two years I'm not even writing it anymore and it's still FUCKING GIVING ME ANXIETY WHAT IS THIS BEHAVIOR

I DID NOT LITERALLY TEAR MYSELF APART TO MAKE MY PARENTS REALIZE HOW SUICIDAL I AM FOR THIS

Today on trying to get my incompetent professor fired