#fuck smyer
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I'm not funny,
here are twilight memes
#the twilight saga#twilight shitpost#twilight memes#twilight#twilight saga#bella swan#edward cullen#the cullens#new moon#eclipse#breaking dawn#alice cullen#fuck smyer#these are bad
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What if there was a popular book series written in the Twilight universe by Mephanie Smyer about a girl and her vampire boyfriend? And rabid fans debating over wether she should go for the vampire or the werewolf?
The author, of course, does not know all this is real. It's just a massive fucking coincidence.
Vampire fiction exists in the Twilight universe, we know as much thanks to Bella recognizing most of the literature we know of (including Dracula).
If it's the hyper popular Twilight was? Bella finds it cringe, being a classics fan herself, and has no idea who these people even are that they're talking about.
Vampires and werewolves, sounds weird :/
Bella does not at all connect it with her life, having refused on principle to consume any media related to it, and if anyone points it out among the Cullens she laughs it off and notes that her version in the real world is so much cooler.
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the way the vampires spoke to Jake& his pack in BD was so gross. They literally did nothing but hurl racial slurs at them while they were there to save them from getting killed by the pack? They couldn't even go back to their homes on the rez because they were saving their dumb bitch asses and you're going to pull that shit?? I always wished Bella go "hey what the fuck is wrong with you knock that shit off" but that would require Meyers thinking racism is bad and the entire saga proves otherwise
You’re absolutely right, anon! Even when I read the books for the first time as a child, it was disgusting and horrible to read my favorite characters throwing racial slurs at my other favorite characters. If even a child can see how wrong and gross it is to use language like that, it really makes you wonder what other gross racist beliefs Smyer holds that she was too cowardly to put into her books.
#SMyer is a horrible racist and in this house we do NOT support her#Also nothing post-new moon is canon#There's something especially unwoke about Rosalie (who almost certainly saw horrible racist things play out during the 50s) calling Jake a#what the fuck right#what the FUCK#anti smyer#jay talks#anon#asks#Anonymous#calling jake a dog and a mongrel*
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Y’all this is what renesmee was lookin like right out the womb
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Hi so recently i’ve seen some 18+ fics with connonly minor aged characters. I want it to be known that while I age up 100% of my characters because I myself am 17, I do not pick characters who do not have screen time as an adult. HP is an example of this. All characters are aged to seventh year.
Now, regarding Like That,
I was 14 years old when I wrote that fic. I find it rather embarassing and gross looking back on that. In the fic, I stated characters were under seventh year. I feel genuinley disgusted that I didn’t age them up to seventh year. All I have to say for my thought process back then is that I thought by making the characters older than I, it would be okay. I am sorry for anyone I’ve disapointed.
I look at my fic characters through the eyes of the age I am. Age apropriate shippings and fics are very important to me!!! I do my best to avoid any moral issues, conflict, any of the sort on Tumblr. But I genuinley feel so disgusted when child characters, that stay children for the entire series, are “aged up”. If we never see the character as an adult for a time where we can see their personality, I don’t want to see dating/18+ of it. There is a MAJOR difference between having an adult whos behavior is child like vs having an aged up child charactor who you describe as having a “childlike” personality. IF YOUR CHARACTERS PERSONALITY IS ONLY SEEN WHEN THEY ARE A CHILD, THEN THAT IS NOT THEIR PERSONALITY. If your character is cannonly presented as an adult, use their personality.
also some things about aging up,
Aging up a 17 year old character to 18+? great I don’t mind since its only a year (possibly a few months)
Aging up a 15 year old character to 18+? depends on the character, aswell as age of writer
Aging up an under 12 year old? No, that shits fucking gross. If they are mentally a child, fuck off. If you are 14+ dreaming,writing, whatever with a CHARACTER LESS THAN 3 YEARS younger THAN YOU its weird, heres some examples:
- Eliza is 15, she really adores twilight and reads Jacob Black fanfiction quite often, in most of these Jacob is at least 16. This is not weird because Eliza is very close developmentally to Jacobs character, she sympathizes in the way Smyer intended people to.
-Tyler is 19, they really love a character who is 17 in their universe. They like to write fanfiction that is aged up to 18. This is not morally wrong because Tyler is not that much older than the character and feels like the character is just as mature as they are.
-John is 24, he loves Katara from Last Airbender. She is cannonly 14-15. He ages her up, but does not change her personality from that of what is age apropriate for Katara in the first place. She is only 18 in number. John loves the way she acts like a young teenager, he calls that her “personality”. He writes about graphic adult scenarios when using an “aged up version of Katara”. This is gross because he is a grown adult, far far far from his own teen days where it still would have been gross to “age her up”. The things he finds attractive about her character are the traits a young teen girl posseses. John is someone I would not leave my child around.
Sorry, just felt I should express my feelings since I’m seeing much more of this.
-Eli
#phil lester smut#amazingphil x reader#danisnotonfire#danisnotonfire x reader#amazingphil fluff#harry potter imagine#dan imagines#harry potter smut#harry potter x reader#fanfiction#draco malfoy x reader smut#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy smut#draco malfoy#cedric x reader#cedric diggory#twilight headcanon#headcannons twilight#twilight fanfic#twilight x reader#golden trio era smut#edward cullen#eren yeager x reader#erwin smith smut#harry potter lemon#levi ackerman x reader smut#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman smut
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so i found this W I L D vampire AU fanfic (For the Dead Travel Fast) for the tv show castle last night (at 2AM) –– something that is usually never my cup of tea except that it has weirdly amazing vampire lore??? OP’s vampire lore had the exact same vibes as the zombie lore in the novel The Girl With All the Gifts. The author of this fic really gets the inherent sexuality and hornyness of vampirism and melds it really well with science fiction. anyways i make this rambling post to tell y’all that this fic fucks. and, rare for a castle fic WIP, this fic is very much alive and updating. sexy.
why i am i thinking about hornyness in vampirism at 1 AM you ask? well you see somewhat recently i and two of my dear friends decided to have a movie night and watch twilight like we were middle schoolers –– fun AF btw. anyways we ended up talking about all the ways in which twilight absolutely does not Get vampire lore. (the best things that can be said for the twilight film are: the soundtrack slaps, the baseball scene set to supermassive black hole fucks, and they really Got how fucking unglamorous, bitchy and disgustingly awkward teenagers are) SMyer’s mormonism strips her vampires of horny energy and homo-eroticism –– two things that are key (at least wrt to dracula) in vampire lore. idk where im going with this except to say that twilight sucks and ruined a lot of post twilight media about vampires because of twilight’s sexless, empty vampires. (also alice is gay)
sidenote the other vampire AU fic ive read and got weirdly into at 2AM was a lucifer fic called i won’t believe in death ‘til i die, aka the VCCU (vampire chloe cinamatic universe). Also a horny as fuck vampire fic.
here i end the ramble. 🧛🏻♀️
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This FUCKING SENT ME. I literally couldn’t stop laughing, sometimes Smyer writes stuff and I just gotta die
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HC: Bree Tanner had a different ending (because Smyer is a coward). She lives and ends up with the Cullens. She befriends Jacob and they get the love and support they deserve.
!!! the bree tanner thing bothers me so much bc i felt that she served 2 main purposes that were both deemed irrelevant. first, to show that the volturi are fucked up. however by the time they killed her we (the audience) already knew that. i don’t think killing bree made that much more of a difference in showing us that. and second, i felt like bree was included in eclipse to show us the dangers of being a newborn as like a warning for bella, but that also didn’t matter in the end bc bella was ~the most perfect and self controlled newborn to ever newborn~ for whatever fucking reason bc you know why. smeyer could’ve easily had the cullens adopt her, but she probably felt that would’ve made things too busy / stolen bella’s vampire thunder a lil bit bc smeyer wouldn’t have wanted to change the timeline of how fast bella would be changing. smeyer also could’ve very easily not written bree at all and it wouldn’t have made a difference. idk.
but this headcanon is really sweet 💕💕💕 protecc the babies 💖💖
inbox me your twilight headcanons no matter how wild ✨💛
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Im sorry but I need youre opinion in this. Sometimes I just think smyer goes like "what would the fandom hate" and then writes it!! Twilight was my biggest addiction growing up but right now looking at it with grown up eyes... All i see is racism and bad representation of characters... Sorry about the rant
Tbh that’s a good thing that you’re able to understand just how fucked up twilight is now - it means you’ve grown and unlearned some shit! I had the same reaction a couple years ago when I first reread the series after so long, so I get what you mean. And MS just proves that M*yer didn’t learn one bit of how her bigoted perspective influenced her writing, but fortunately we’re able to notice it and call that shit out.
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It’s been a long, stressful week. So, I’m going to drunk-watch Twilight (this is part 1, I’ll do a part 2 later). So far, I have drunk watched and reviewed Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Part 1, and Breaking Dawn Part 2. I will probably drunk-watch and review New Moon some time in the near future. My sober review of Twilight is that it is the best of all the movies (But New Moon though, I know, it’s a very close second for me). I love that it was meant to be like a cool, niche indie film and Catherine Hardwicke is the best. The baseball scene. The meadow scene. The bio scene. Iconic. Anyway, my drunken thoughts are below the cut as per usual:
- So I know it’s like .0 seconds into this ish, but I just realized when Bella’s tlakign about dying in the place of someone she loves @ the beginning, we see the deer and then in BD2, when the mountain lion tries to kill the deer, Bella kills the mountain lion. Feels like symbolism idk.
- Phil really is like 25 years old lmao. Does it ever say how old he is? He looks young af.
- Forks seems super depressing. Like the scenery is cool, but like there’s no one there? Only 3,000 people? Boring af.
- everything is so green and blue and aesthetically pleasing, thank you catherine
- i just realized the picture above the shelf with cds is also of a deer. the deer is important.
- the friendship between charlie and billy is all i want in life
- the truck literally brought a smile to my face. and the whsikey.
- the high shcool looks more like a fancy ass mansion and idk why no one else has ever called out this fake shit
- eric is so precious an we deserved more of hom
- bella playing volleybal is me lamo i’m so uncoordinated at throwing shit liek that hahaha
- i just keep thinking about how anna kendrick forgot she was in this movie. if i played a character as written in canon by smeyer, i’d probably choose to forget it too.
- mike is so fcking creepy lmao he could’ve been written better but smey r said no
- if people don’t look @ me and my mans on my wedding day the wya they look @ rosalie and emmett int he cafeteria scenr then imma fuking fight
- do not disrecpt carlisle like that hoe he is a flawless mna and deserve your full respecgt
- what the fuck i hate this scnee now that ik now abotu banner fck smyer’s nast y ass
- also lmao @ rob’s face he was foin to fuckng mucj
- wy the fuc did bella wear a bowling shirt over al ong gray shirt?
- my arms feel heavy af right now lmaooooo
- the lady they had play renene lowkey looks like krisen they did a good job casting them
- oooooh hell yeah eyes on fire time bitch
- emmett is my fave pullign up on top the jeep and hopping out like it’s nothing
- this scene is actually pwowrful because bella’s wathcin g the cullens but her human friends try to get her attention so it’s liek she’s being torn between the two worlds. cahterine’s mind
- i duckinf love the aesthetic and scnery of this movie
- mike really said how you likin da rain girlllllll lmao
- when edward apologizes though lowkey that shit’ cute and i would’ve fotgiven him too
- this bitch lied. tlaking about i don’t like any cold thing. homie. you a damn lie.
- “i’m just trying to figure you out” mhy ex said th same damn thing lmaoooo bitch i ain’t about to let you figre me out unless yo uput a ring on it-
- whne i say edward stopping the van was ome iconic shit i mena inconng
- awww hell ya the hot doc is almost here
the moment i’ve ukjng been waiting on
- i love carlisle i’m so fucking thirsty for this bitch even though i just downed som mufng whiskey
- literally carlisle could get it period.
- rosalie is 1000% a daddy’s girl like anytime someone gives her shit she runs to carlisle and he’s got her back. he only supported edward and bella becaus esme did and she’s a hopeless romatic and carlisle loves that about her. but if it wans;t for esme, edward would’ve gotten his as sent lmao.
- if you see acreepy dude int eh corne of your room what ar you gonna do?
- agaain with the shot of bella being town between the humans vand vamps chathetiner’s mind
- tbh i eel like i know what should’v happened in canon better than smeyr at this poijtn and it’s not canpn that the cullens would’ve gone on a field trip. they just wouldn’t have like it’s extra risk and it’s unnecsary.
- edwar’ds fae when jessica rna upt talking about mike lmaoooooooo
- not gonan lie i love thsit shirt bella’s wearing when they’ra tlaking about la push kind of wanti kt
- the dumbas s salsd
- i want an edward fanvid to bad guy by bullie easihr lish
- love thatb ella encouageed angela to ask etic to prom. a feminsit quenenne
- why di d theyr rcarst the original embry and quil?
- when taylor said old scar tsotry the midwest accent popped thef ick out
- i love jow bellas all serious baout this shit and jake doesnt give af he’s like bitch it aint real lmaoooo
- i stan laurent and i’m so angry about what smeer did to him
why do people just layo out in the sun like this lmaoooo
- awww i’m so happy fro angela i love her
- bella was ahrdore fucking femimnist and it should’ee been more cental to the plot fmeinist bella never would’ve tolerated half the shit she tolerated from jale and edwar.snmeyr has no consitnency
- why tf would opu statt wlaking down a dark alley @ night
- edward saves the day from thos ecuckgjn scumbags
- i just relaized they/re usposed to be in wahsingtob but they have fucmngn oregon plates on the car lmaooooo
- but if a dude whopeped his car lioke that idc what kinda car he drove even a volvo that shti sexy aaf
- he looks so fcking angry lmaooooo @ jess and angela
- yhis scene is cute but it also looks like this is where rob regretted his decision t op lay an emo edodei boi
- the older ig et the creeperi it gets to me that edward followed her like yeah it worked and he ended up resuing her but like still creep yas fuk
- carlisle in that coat at the staitons does a lot for me
- if i was chalrie iw ould’ve given her a hwoel ass taser
- someone tell me why bella tbought the book if she was just goign to golg.e it all
- edward weares the same thign evry damn day lmaooooo
- why werent the yf facgtin eah other when bella was tlaking this shit is too mcuh
- i wouldn’t be afriad eitgher @ carlise
- it would be fun to run tlike that thou lnao m
- the spakrling skin thuing is funny af while durnki thogjh
- eddie bou is so damn emo and overramatic liek bitch yo uuahgt feelings too chill thf out
- efawrd remind sme s omcuhg of chuck in gossip girl has anyone else thoguth this
- bella striahgtu p toldthis dumbass she was aafrianf onky of losing him and he left her in the next one
- the meadowa as fucking iconing as everrrrrrr
- i;m not gonna make it through this hwole movie i’m tired watch out for part 2
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Y'all on my blog it's Canon that Alice is half Korean half white, Emmett is black and Esme is Latino. Twilight needs more diversity because people of colour exist! And yeah fuck smyere
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Every day I'm alive I think about how Isabella Marie Cullen, nee Swan, chose to name her baby, a being she literally like died for, Renesmee, when the name Carlie was RIGHT FUCKING THRRE SMYERE, RIGHT THERE!
#it's me#i think im funny#twilight renaissance#renesmee cullen#bella cullen#bella swan#twilight#renesme#ressume cullen#renesme cullen
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Jasper (the empath) shouldn't be blamed for his confederacy service because he should have felt the pain of slaves and those who suffered more intensely than anyone else and it's danged unfair that smyer made her characters so dang white mormon and stupid
haha yeah it’s pretty fucked up good thing nothing smeyer says is canon because how weird would that be?? a proud confederate soldier?? animalistic native men who assault the women they’re interested in and wanna fuck babies?? a man who thinks fuckin before marriage is a sin but is supes down with murdering a bunch of people?? thank god none of it’s real how wacky would that be
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(speaking as someone who has only done a surface level exploration of the twilight series, specifically the movies and that's it, so apologies if this sounds dumb I'm just legit curious)
do the books effectively portray forks as the miniscule town that it actually is? or is it still just the kinda extremely watered down portrayal of rural life you see in the movie
like I think the goofiest shit in the movie is how the high school radiates profuse high school musical energy meanwhile forks in actuality suffers HARDCORE from shnizz like substance abuse, general prejudice and all other stupid happenings you'd hear from a staunchly conservative, fairly tiny isolated community.
this doesnt sound dumb at all! I have some Thoughts about Twilight’s portrayal of Forks, considering I grew up within driving distance of it, and have been there a couple of times.
Firstly, the books don’t accurately describe Fork’s layout or politics-- even a little bit lmfao. Theres no giant fucking river that runs through Fork’s residential area, like in the Cullen’s backyard. There’s a little creek in city limits and a slightly larger river outside of the town. You’re right, they’re pretty conservative there, a lot of Trump supporters, and the diversity in the population is laughable. The drug problem is pretty bad, and they don’t really have any resources to deal with it, and it doesn’t seem like they’re inclined to change that. Relative to Washington, Forks has a crime rate that is higher than 63% of the state's cities and towns of all sizes, according to neighborhoodscout.com. For example, when a family of color went camping there recently, the mayor’s son and a group of other people terrorized them. I am almost 100% sure Smyer never once visited the area before she wrote about it.
Similarly, she obviously wrote about Port Angeles without ever having been there, as she makes it out to be a quaint tourist trap, when in reality, it’s got one of the highest crime rates in the country, is falling apart on one side, and completely gentrified on the other.
However, I always really liked the community vibe that she managed to capture, especially in the early chapters of the book. At the time that I first discovered the books, Forks’ population was abt a third of the size of my hometown, which I had always considered tiny, and she really did manage to capture the magic of feeling like a young kid, who’s family knows everyone. The people whispering about Bella on her first day, “Buttcrack Santa” and Cora the waitress chatting with her as if they hadn’t missed a beat since the last time she visited, and the high school kids all having something to say about her and being very goofy, felt super accurate to my experience in a small town.
#anon#thanks for asking!#jay talks#To be fair the last time i visited Forks i was literally 10 years old so things might be different there now#but i doubt it#and yes i did in fact go to forks when i was 10 for a twilight themed birthday what about it#(my bf was there recently and said it aint changed)#also when it comes to that PDN article...#have yall noticed that whenever something shitty happens in a small town#there are ALWAYS quotes about how ~this isnt us~ and ~our community would never~#except.... clearly it IS you and your community WOULD
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Terry do not open this Pandora's box I can and WILL info dump about the deeply insidious nature of imprinting in Twilight bc these books are a very rare subset of special Interest I call the Special Rage, I have never hated the source material of something more than these books (except Great Expectations, fuck that book)
Go ahead! Imprinting infuriates me because it's potential was boundless and smyers chance at an actually original idea
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Top 5 Nonfiction Books/Essays/Big Compendium of Words?
this is going to be completely random and only the best top 5 i could think of off the top of my head
The Poetic Priestly Source by Jason M.H. Gaines, which puts forward the author’s theory that the Priestly strand of the Torah (according to the Documentary Hypothesis) was composed in two pieces, and that the first was a full and connected poetic narrative
A Natural History of the Sonoran Desert by Steven J. Philips & Patricia Comus. what it says on the tin. there’s a also a recent second edition which i have not yet read.
What Does Justice Look Like?: The Struggle for Liberation in Dakota Homeland by Waziyatawin. was part of the course reading in the Dakota history and culture class i took last semester. it’s what it says on the tin and i think should be required reading for every minnesotan
The Fox and the Jewel: Shared and Private Meanings in Contemporary Japanese Inari Worship by Karen Smyers. a study and analysis of peoples’ perceptions of the worship of the kami Inari, with a lot of analysis also of kitsune, which are closely associated with Inari. Left me wanting more, which is not a problem with this book so much as nobody has followed up on her work since 1999.
A Rainbow Thread: An Anthology of Queer Jewish Texts from the First Century To 1969 edited by Noam Sienna. This book isn’t even out yet, but I went to a lecture by the editor the other day (and i saw portions of the pre-publish text) and i am fucking PUMPED about it. It can be preordered here https://shabb.es/a-rainbow-thread.html
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