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hxlyhead-harpies · 3 years

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If You Want To Destroy My Sweater (S.B.)

Requested: Yes

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: The reader keeps stealing Sirius’s clothes

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Mentions of food

Title From: Undone by Weezer

The winter months were approaching and the grounds of Hogwarts were getting colder and colder.

You sat in the quidditch stands and pulled your sweater tighter around your body. You felt a nudge from your right and looked up to see your friend Sirius looking down at you.

“Are you cold?” he asked, his brow slightly furrowed. You nodded, rubbing your arms for warmth.

“I should have listened to Remus and brought an extra jumper,” you admitted, earning a smirk from Sirius. He began to remove his own jumper and you looked away quickly when his shirt rode up and displayed a sliver of porcelain skin.

“Here,” he said, handing you the jumper. You thanked him and sent him a quick smile before pulling the sweater over your head. You breathed in his scent, one that you had pretended not to smell when you had brewed amortentia in potions class, and felt yourself flush. The sweater smelled of nicotine and the woodsy aftershave he always used. It was intoxicating.

You pulled your hair out of the back of the sweater before you pulled the sleeves over your hands and placed them in your lap.

Sirius leaned closer to you, a small smirk on his face.

“Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” he asked, his voice teasing. If possible, you flushed darker.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you answered, avoiding his gaze. Sirius just chuckled before looking away.

After that, it became a habit to steal Sirius’s clothes. They smelled like him and were far more comfortable than your own jumpers, so you just couldn’t resist. You were able to hide it well at first, only wearing his shirts in the comfort of your own dormitory, but soon you began wearing them to breakfast and in the common room. People were beginning to notice, Remus and James sending you sly looks as you studied on the couch. Even Peter had noticed. It had been during lunch one afternoon when you slid across from the boy while wearing one of Sirius’s worn band t-shirts. He had stopped chewing his sandwich as soon as he saw you and he narrowed his eyes.

“Is that Sirius’s?” he asked through a mouthful of food. You had only shrugged in response.

One night in the common room you were cuddled up with a book. You sat in a lone armchair by the fireplace, so engrossed in the story you were oblivious to your surroundings. A deep voice cut through your concentration.

“Is that my shirt?” Sirius asked, grinning at you with his arms crossed. You looked down at yourself, panicked, remembering that you were in fact wearing his shirt. You looked up at him, face flushed and your mouth open, unsure of how to explain yourself.

“Uh, um… yes?” you responded quietly. Sirius laughed.

“And why exactly are you wearing my shirt?” he asked with a smirk. You shrunk into yourself, hoping that you wouldn’t drop dead from embarrassment.

“It’s comfy,” you mumbled, earning a throaty chuckle from the boy before you. “I’m sorry I’ll give it back,” you reassured him, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. Sirius just shook his head.

“Keep it,” he said, raising his eyebrows and looking you up and down. “It looks better on you anyway,” he said before turning on his heel and heading up the stairs, effectively leaving you in a puddle.

A few days later you were wearing the jumper to breakfast, reveling in its warmth and its general “Siriusness”. You were laughing with Dorcas when you suddenly knocked over your goblet of pumpkin juice. It splashed down onto the table, droplets flying all over you. The jumper was a light blue color that was now covered in a multitude of stains. Your hand flew to your mouth, guilt beginning to consume you. You scrambled out of the Great Hall and hoped that you could somehow salvage the sweater. On your way towards the Gryffindor tower, you ran smack into somebody’s chest. You looked up to see Sirius looking down at you with concern shining through his eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, placing a hand on your waist to steady you. You crossed your arms across yourself in an attempt to hide the mess you had made. You nodded quickly and attempted to shoot past him.

“Yes I’m fine,” you mumbled as you tried to free yourself from his grasp. Sirius reached for your shoulder.

“Hold on,” he said, his voice stern, “what happened?” You turned to face him slowly and you felt tears burning behind your eyes. You hadn’t meant to ruin something of his, but the lack of intent didn’t make the guilt go away. You removed your arms from your body and showed him the dark stains that were across your front.

“I’m sorry,” you sniffled, “I ruined it.” You avoided his gaze, waiting for him to yell at you or get angry. But instead, Sirius began to laugh.

“Don’t you think that you’re being dramatic?” he asked you with a chuckle. You frowned.

“I am not dramatic! I feel guilty that’s all,” you explained with a pout. Sirius leaned over and ruffled your hair.

“We are wizards you know,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “There are spells that can get pumpkin juice out of a jumper,” he teased. You flushed. Somehow, in your panic, you had forgotten that you didn’t need to remove the stain by hand.

“Oh, right,” you said embarrassedly.

With a flick of his wand, Sirius had erased the stains from the wool. You brushed your hands down the front of the sweater and let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m sorry for freaking out,” you said shyly, “and for stealing all of your clothes.” Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s fine. You’re quite adorable when you’re all wound up you know?” he said slyly. You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved his arm.

“Oh sod off, Sirius,” you replied, “I bet you say that to all the girls.” Sirius shook his head and chuckled.

“Nope, only the cute ones who steal my sweaters.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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jewish-space-laser · 4 years

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Miles & Black Coffee - Part One

“When you’re on a golden sea, You don’t need no memory, Just a place to call your own, As we drift into the zone...”

-Island in the Sun by Weezer

Hello, and welcome to part one of M&BC! She’s split up into parts, a day late, and a bit rusty... but she’s here! It’ll be my first new piece of writing since I rejoined tumblr, so it’s a bit nerve-wracking. Thank you to Kate @andwhenshesays, Anne @oh-honey-styles, and Anna @for-fucks-sake-h for organizing this entire challenge, you’ve brought so much joy to our little tumblr community. We love you all dearly ♥️ (4.5k words)

xoxoxox Tile

Warnings: mild drinking, mild drug use (just weed)

You and Harry would never be friends. You were up and down, night and day, oil and water. You just didn’t mesh. He was your roommate’s insufferable older brother, and that is all he would ever be. Well, at least that’s what you thought before….

the one with campfire conversations, cabin getaways, and enemies that were never really enemies after all.

MONDAY

Pine trees and cornfields flew by in a blur as you stared out the window of your roommate’s minivan. Every once in a while, there’d be a pasture of cows or a horse ranch. It had been exciting at first, but now you were just bored.

“How much longer?” You called over the music, trying to keep the whine from your voice. It had been hours since you left your apartment this morning, and you’d only stopped once to stretch your legs and take a bathroom break.

“The GPS says we still have an hour and a half to go,” Callie groaned, stepping a bit harder on the gas pedal.

Normally, you loved road trips, but this particular drive was more cramped than you’d bargained for. There were seven girls packed into the van, and you’d been unfortunate enough to get squished into the backseat with your twin sister and her girlfriend, who hadn’t stopped with the obnoxious PDA since the car got on the freeway.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, trying to will away your nauseating carsickness. This week had been marked into your calendar for months, and you’d be damned if you let this god-awful car ride ruin it for you.

Callie, your college roommate, had a cabin in northern Wisconsin that she’d been raving about for years. She’d been going there with her family for decades, every summer since pre-school, she’d said. According to her, it was a beautiful property, equipped with a private lakeside beach, fire pit, and a full bar.

It was going to be the perfect getaway. You and Callie had rounded up all of your girlfriends, packed all of the essentials for a spa night, junk food, board games, movies. You’d packed four swimsuits just in case; the weather forecast looked fantastic, high seventies and low eighties all week long.

It was going to be the perfect vacation. Well, almost perfect.

Harry was going to be there.

Harry, the constant thorn in your side. Harry, Callie’s older brother. Harry, the one who eats all of your food whenever he visits. Harry, the one who constantly picked fights with you. You and him had never gotten along, not even for a second.

There wasn’t a single person alive who got on your nerves more than he did. Generally, you got along with most people, but Harry was the exception to the rule. You couldn’t seem to shake him off.

You weren’t about to let him ruin this trip, though. There were going to be fourteen people staying at the cabin, so it should be a piece of cake to avoid him for a week; there were plenty of other people to interact with. And even if you couldn’t avoid him, you were going to let his inevitable snarky comments roll off of your back. Well, you’d try to, at least.

Perhaps that’s what annoyed you most about him, the reaction you’d have from the smallest fight. With anyone else, it was water under the bridge… with Harry, you thought about it for days afterwards, thinking of better comebacks you should’ve said or ways you could have changed your schedule to steer clear of him altogether. He made your skin prickle with irritation, and turned you into somebody you didn’t like very much.

It had been months since you’d seen him, not that you’d been keeping track. He typically visits Callie a few times a semester, but his senior year was more intense than he had anticipated, according to his sister. He just couldn’t spare the two hour drive from his university to yours.

But now it was summertime. Gone were the papers, projects, and responsibilities… it was finally time to relax and have fun. You only had one year of college left before graduation, so you and your friends wanted to make the most of it. Harry and his friends had just graduated, so they were at the cabin for their last hurrah before real life kicked in.

If you were being honest with yourself, you were excited that Harry was bringing some of his frat brothers along. You and your ex had just ended things recently, and you were finally feeling ready to get back into the dating game. Being trapped in a cabin with a handful of cute guys felt like a dream.

Finally, after what felt like centuries, Callie slowed the car down and turned onto a dirt road. The other girls in the car started desperately peering out the window to get a glimpse of the lake and surrounding forest.

The moment the cabin came into view, your jaw dropped. You knew Callie’s parents were loaded, but this hardly looked like the rustic getaway you were expecting. There were three buildings, each labelled with a birch bark sign. Two speedboats and a pontoon were docked at the beach, inflatable tubes and paddleboards littered around the sand nearby.

It wasn’t until Callie parked and shut off the engine that you heard a heavy bass thrum coming from the building marked MAIN CABIN. The other two buildings were labelled GUEST CABIN and SHOWER HOUSE. You were snapped out of it when Olivia and Jane, who had been sitting in the middle bucket seats, swung their sliding doors open and practically fell onto the ground.

“I don’t think I remember how to walk normally,” Charlie, a girl from your art history class, groaned, “like, we were sitting in that car for so long….”

“Oh, shush,” your sister, Morgan, scoffed, “at least you got to sit up front. I was crammed into the back between these two.”

Both you and her girlfriend, Isobel, huffed in protest, but it wasn’t worth picking a fight over. You’d have plenty of time to bicker later. For now, the fresh air and cool breeze were like heaven after a long road trip.

“The boys beat us here,” Callie remarked.

Sure enough, there were two other cars already parked in the driveway. Back behind the main cabin, a plume of smoke rose into the air. You could hear loud laughter, loud enough to drown out the trap music they had playing.

“They’ve started a bonfire!” Olivia squealed, clasping her hands in front of her chest. “I’m ready to get partying… it’s four in the afternoon and I’ve spent all day in a car. I need a drink.”

A few others were laughing and nodding in agreement, already making their way towards the boys, but you hung back. You’d party later, but after spending an entire day stuck with six other people, you just wanted to be alone. Plus, you wanted to drink tonight, and you’d never get around to unpacking your bag if you were wasted.

You managed to dig your duffel bag out from the pile of luggage in the trunk, letting it fall to the ground with a thump. Callie had just been finishing up with a phone call when you looked up.

“Hey, you’re not joining the others?” She asked. “I was about to head over, they’ve got a fire going. Just had to call my mum to let her know we made it.”

“I’ll join in a bit,” you promised “but I want to unpack my things first… where are we all staying?”

“You’re in the main cabin, I have you sharing a room with Charlie, is that okay?” She questioned. You nodded quickly, relief flooding over you. You liked all of the girls who came on the trip, but Charlie was by far the easiest to get along with. “Harry and I each have our own room in the main cabin, too, so you won’t be alone. Everyone else is in the guest cabin, though.”

“The guest cabin,” you giggled, slinging your bag over your shoulder as Callie lead you into the main building, “this place is swanky, Cal.”

“We host all of our family reunions here,” she shrugged, “we need lots of space. Plus it’s fun for occasions like this… we’re just lucky my dad is letting us use the boats. He treats those things like they’re his own children, only Harry is allowed to drive them this week.”

You made a face at the mention of her brother. “I’ll be staying far away from the boats, then.”

“Oh god,” Callie groaned, “I know you two don’t get along very well, but please try to be civil… we’re here for a whole week, after all.”

“I’m always civil,” you protested innocently, “it’s him you need to worry about.”

“Always civil,” she scoffed, “we both know that’s not true, but I’ll let it slide.”

Okay, so maybe you had a slight temper when it came to Harry, but nine times out of ten, he was the one who started the argument. You were never the type to actively seek out conflict, but Harry seemed to thrive off of it. Whether it was eating all the food from your half of the fridge, throwing his dark blue t-shirt in with your load of whites, or playing his guitar in your living room until three in the morning when you had a test the next day… it felt like he was out to get you.

And he was never apologetic. Of course not. He probably got off on watching steam blow from your ears.

You took a deep breath as Callie led you up a wooden staircase, trying not to let yourself get worked up. The cabin was gorgeous from what you’d seen on the main floor. Though you hadn’t lingered, you’d noticed that there was a bookshelf that took up an entire wall, packed to the brim with books with faded spines, vinyl records with worn edges, and an assortment of candles and bookends sprinkled throughout randomly. You couldn’t wait to explore the entire property.

Photographs lined the walls of every hallway, snapshots of Harry and Callie running around as kids. There was a hilarious picture of a young Harry crying as he held a fishing pole, a bare hook dangling from the line. The Styles family clearly had a great sense of humor. You made a mental note to take a photo of it on your phone later; it would be perfect ammo for the next fight that Harry would inevitably start.

“This is the bathroom…” she drawled, “no shower though. We all just use the shower house, which isn’t really as bad as it sounds. Just make sure you bring clothes with you, otherwise you’ll have to walk across the lawn in just your towel.”

You grimaced at the thought. As she continued to lead you down the hall, you saw two doors, one with CALLIE’S ROOM written in bright pink bubble letters, and the second with a wooden plaque, the word HARRY written in what was clearly a child’s handwriting.

“This is technically my parents’ room, but we use it as a guest room if it’s just us kids,” Callie explained, stopping at the last door in the hallway, “they have a king bed, so I figured you and Charlie could just share.”

“That’s fine,” you assured her, not hesitating to drop your heavy duffel onto the side of the bed closest to the window, “this place is awesome, Callie.”

“Right?” She grinned. “I’m stoked for the week, it’s gonna be so fun.”

“You should go down to the bonfire,” you told her, placing a hand on your bag, “I’ll come join as soon as I’m done.”

Luckily, your roommate of two years understood that you needed alone time sometimes, so she left you without protest.

This was exactly the recharge time that you needed. You were the kind of person who loved being around friends, but there was only so much socializing you could handle before you needed a break to be on your own. Even though you hadn’t spoken much on the ride to the cabin, being squished into a mini-van with six other girls drained your social battery. Giving yourself a moment to breathe and relax was necessary if you were going to rejoin the group.

Pressing the shuffle play button on your spotify, you smiled when the soft melody of your favorite folk song thrummed through your headphones. You swayed from side-to-side as you unzipped your bag, which had been packed to perfection.

Four swimsuits, a different outfit for each day (plus a few extra items… overpacking is better than underpacking), sunscreen, bug spray, all of your toiletries. It was fun to organize everything into the empty wardrobe by the window; looking at all of your stuff just made you more excited to be here.

Time flew by as you danced around the room. Most of your things were put away, and you’d stashed your empty bag under the bed. The one thing you hadn’t put away yet was your assortment of swimsuits. It had been difficult picking out which ones you wanted to bring, but you’d settled on three bikinis and a one-piece with the sides cut out. You were itching to change out of your leggings and t-shirt; they felt gross against your skin after sitting in the van all day.

Just as you went to pick up your navy blue sequined bikini top, a hand abruptly clamped down on your shoulder.

“Holy shit!” You spun around on your heels, hand flying to cover your beating heart. You were less than pleased to find Harry standing there, wide-eyed and trying to mask his amusement by biting down on his lip.

“Didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” he chuckled, “forgot how jumpy you are.”

“I’m not jumpy,” you frowned, pulling your headphones out of your ears and crossing your arms over your stomach, “what are you doing in here?”

“Nice to see you too,” he scoffed, dimple indenting into his cheek, “I was just using the loo, then I was gonna go back to the party, where we’re having fun. Foreign concept to you, I’m sure.”

You rolled your eyes, turning around so he couldn’t see how hard you were scowling. He always knew just what to say to get your blood boiling.

“Are you implying that I don’t know how to have fun, Harry?” You asked sarcastically.

“Ah, I knew you were smarter than you looked,” he grinned. “Cute swim top.”

It was only then that you noticed his attire. Well, lack of attire. He was wearing the smallest swimming shorts you’d ever seen, his chest tanned from the sun and completely bare apart from a single cross necklace that hung over his sternum. His hair had grown out since the last time you saw him, and it looked a bit ridiculous with his sunglasses on top of his head.

He looked good, not that you’d ever admit it. Luckily, you were fantastic at masking your wandering eyes; he had a tendency of walking around your apartment in his boxers during visits, so you’d had plenty of practice.

“Shut up,” you groaned, throwing the bikini top back onto the bed. You’d been planning on wearing that one, but Harry ruined it with his gross comment, just like he ruins most things for you.

“I’m quite incapable of shutting up,” he mused, throwing himself down onto your side of the bed, “you should know this by now.”

“Trust me,” you were completely unamused, still standing with your arms crossed over your stomach, “I’m well aware.”

“You should come join the party,” he continued speaking as if you hadn’t said anything, seemingly unfazed by how visibly irritated you were, “it’s the first day and you’re already being a buzzkill. Maybe you should try like… try stepping out of your comfort zone, just for the week.”

“Thank you so much for that lovely unsolicited advice,” you said sarcastically, “now if we’re talking about comfort zones, you laying on my bed is definitely out of mine.”

“Please, you love me on your bed,” he smirked, closing his eyes, “this is a dream come true for you.”

“Are you delusional?” You were running out of patience. “Did you hit your head?”

“Why?” He said innocently. “Are you thinking about playing nurse? Because I hate to break your heart, but I’m not into wet blankets. Maybe if you loosened up a bit.”

If he wasn’t gone in thirty seconds, you were going to scream. He seemed to be enjoying himself, arms crossed behind his head with a twinkle in his eye as you stared daggers at him.

“Are you quite done?” You spit. “I can feel my IQ dropping every time you speak. Plus, I need to change before I come down.”

“Ooh, can I watch?” He waggled his eyebrows.

That was it. “Harry, get out, okay?”

“Jeez, okay, fine,” he grumbled, rolling clumsily off of the bed, “so bossy, you are.”

You pointed a finger towards the door, leveling him with the steeliest glare you could muster. “Out,” you repeated.

“You should come down sooner rather than later,” he said, completely unbothered, “I’m sure you’ll be much nicer once you’ve had a drink or two.”

He was gone before you could think of a response. The annoyance bubbling inside you was so intense, you felt like you wanted to break something. Instead, you punched your pillow a few times to release some tension, taking a deep breath to compose yourself after.

You wrinkled your nose at the blue bikini top, choosing to wear an orange floral patterned one instead. You’d never give Harry the satisfaction.

~~~

The fire was absolutely roaring.

It was perfect. The fire pit was lined with wooden logs, the tops shaved off to make benches. There was hardly enough space for all fourteen of you, but you managed to squeeze in as you all roasted corn and hot dogs over the fire. It wasn’t too windy, so you didn’t have to worry about smoke blowing into your eyes, but the bugs were relentless.

The air around you smelled of smoke, bug spray, and good food. There were a few different conversations happening, and every once in a while, a few people would break out into loud, contagious laughter.

Harry had tried to talk to you when you came down, but you’d avoided him like the plague. You had absolutely nothing nice to say to him after his snarky comments in your room, and any further interaction with him at this point would just end in disaster. Thankfully, he was quickly distracted by some of his frat brothers, and he hadn’t tried to approach you again all night.

Now, you were chatting with Olivia and one of the boys, Luke. By the time you’d gone down to the bonfire, everyone was several drinks in. You’d been forced to play catch-up by way of tequila shots, so you had a pleasant buzz running through your veins.

“This is a perfect summer night,” you sighed happily, pulling your skewer from the flames to keep your corn from burning.

“Almost perfect,” a boy named Archie corrected, “we haven’t been out on the lake yet.”

Harry and three of the other boys had arrived a night early to get the boats ready, and now that Archie mentioned it, the pontoon was looking mighty tempting. The sun hadn’t fully set, but dusk was beginning to settle in, blanketing the forest with pink and orange hues, a gorgeous reflection of the sunset above you. It was the perfect time to go out on the water.

“How do we feel about the pontoon?” You wondered out loud. There was no way you’d all fit, but you could go in groups.

“It’s too buggy to be on the water,” Callie wrinkled her nose, “I’m getting eaten alive as it is.”

“I’m down, as long as I can smoke a spliff while we’re out there,” James, one of the other boys, shrugged, “obviously I’ll share, I brought tons.”

A few others around the circle chimed in with their interest, and before you knew it, people were standing up to make their way over to the docks. You weren’t the best with names, but much to your relief, you’d introduced yourself to everyone going on the boat. Obviously, you already knew Morgan and Isobel, and were somewhat friendly with Jane, Archie, and James.

“I’ll come along, too,” a voice behind you yawned. When you turned around, you immediately felt yourself melt. Ryan, a boy you’d had a single class with freshman year, was stretching his arms out as he stood up, and he was looking directly at you with a flirtatious smile.

You’d had a major crush on him for the entirety of your class together, but you’d been too shy to say anything to him. He was a whole year older, after all, and that had been intimidating when you were eighteen.

You returned his smile, biting down on your bottom lip shyly.

“I guess I’m going too, then,” Harry sighed, shoving the last of his hot dog into his mouth before dusting his hands off.

Immediately, your face dropped. Harry snorted when he saw your expression, digging around the pocket in his swimsuit to retrieve a key.

“I’m the only one allowed to drive the boats, remember? Dad made me promise.”

Your shoulders slumped. You’d completely forgotten that Callie had mentioned it to you earlier. You weren’t about to turn down a sunset boat ride though, especially now that Ryan was coming along as well.

Everyone scarfed down the rest of their food in a rush as Harry went over to untie the boat and make sure it was good to go. You watched as he leaned far over the edge of the dock, so far that nearly fell face-first into the water before righting himself and trying again..

“Hey,” Ryan had walked next to you, following your line of sight, “he’s gonna fall in, isn’t he?”

“I hope so,” you giggled.

“You were in my History 204 class, weren’t you? Sophomore year?” He asked.

Your entire body flushed. You didn’t think he’d noticed you at all, let alone enough to remember you years later. Having Ryan up at the cabin, talking to you, felt like a dream come true.

“I was a freshman, but yeah, I think so,” you nodded nonchalantly, “I hated that professor.”

“Oh god, same!” He laughed, shaking his head, “such a drag, just constant pop quizzes!”

“Ugh, yes!” You turned your body towards him fully. “And that midterm assignment….”

“Don’t even get me started,” Ryan pretended to shiver in fear.

You laughed loudly, and from the corner of your eye you saw Harry turn to glance in your direction. Upon a closer look, he’d managed to wrangle the boat so it was right up against the dock.

“All aboard!” He shouted.

You rolled your eyes at his ridiculous antics. He always thought he was so funny, especially when you were the butt of his jokes. You hoped he’d be too busy driving to bother you.

Luckily, Ryan seemed keen to stay by your side, even helping you step into the boat by taking your hand to keep you balanced, so Harry didn’t have much of a chance to say anything. By the time the boat was moving, everyone was sitting in a circle on the floor, clipping in the life jackets that Callie had forced us all to wear.

As soon as the wind blew through your hair, you tilted your head up and closed your eyes. Lakes didn’t smell great, but you’d always loved it. It was classic, nostalgic. You’d spent every summer of your life swimming in Midwest lakes, so it felt just like summer.

James was true to his word, and pulled out four fatly rolled joints, passing them around with a lighter. You didn’t do this often, but it felt like the perfect moment. The sun was disappearing fast, and soon enough you’d be able to see the stars.

At some point, Harry slowed the engine down to a gentle hum when the boat reached the middle of the lake, getting a couple of the others to help him throw the anchor over the edge. Afterwards, he moved back over to the driving console and fiddled with a few buttons until quiet, staticky music sounded out. He then sat down across the circle from you, immediately accepting one of the joints from Archie.

You stood up on your knees, and looked around. Water lapped lightly against the sides of the boat, so it took you a moment to find your equilibrium. The silhouette of the tall pines surrounding the lake were awe-striking.

Nobody wanted to break the silence, so you didn’t. The weed was starting to take effect, making your body feel heavy and your head feel light. You started to lay down, unclipping your life jacket to use as a pillow. Slowly, your friends followed your lead, the sounds of shuffling and buckles popping open momentarily interrupting the tranquil silence.

You watched the sky change from pink to a deep blue, only turning your head away when the first stars became visible. Morgan was laying next to you, staring straight up at the sky. To anyone else, she looked like she was lost in thought, but you knew her better than that. There was a slight frown, watery eyes, a little crinkle across her forehead... she was worried about something.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked, trailing a hand down her arm. She let out a long exhale.

“This is gonna sound so soppy,” Morgan sighed, “but I can’t stop thinking about like… how different I would be if I could just, change things about myself.”

“I like you the way you are,” Isobel frowned, sitting up slightly to look at her, “plus, you can change things about yourself. People do it all the time. New hairstyles, piercings, clothes. You could completely rebrand yourself anytime you want.”

“She’s not talking about her appearance,” you said softly, squeezing Morgan’s hand, “she means… like, changing who you are, at your very core. Things you can’t help.”

“I get that,” Ryan chimed in, “I think about that, too. If I could change one thing about myself, I would make myself more motivated. My life would be so different if I could just… alter one tiny thing.”

“Exactly!” Morgan nodded. “I would… make myself less impulsive, I think. I have so many regrets, and it’s all because I never properly think before I act. I’d be so much better off if I could just learn to be more careful.”

“I like how spontaneous you are,” Isobel hummed, “but I think I know what you mean. If I could change anything about myself, I’d make myself less anxious. Anxiety has always held me back so much… I mean, fuck… I haven’t even come out to my family yet, even though I know they’d support me. I’d be so much happier if I could appreciate the good things in life, rather than stress about how to keep them.”

“I’m with Isobel,” Harry spoke. He’d just taken a rather large pull from the joint, so his voice came out rougher than gravel. “Anxiety is such a bitch, and it’s like, out of our control. It’s kept me from talking about my feelings so many times, and I feel like I’ve missed out on some really good friendships because of it.”

Despite the heaviness of the conversation, you felt happier than you had in a long time. You’d smoked just enough to feel numb, and the waves were rocking against the boat so gently that it felt like you were floating. You took a deep breath in through your nose, feeling the crisp forest air fill your lungs before exhaling. The stars were shining in the cloudless sky, crickets were chirping along the shore, and soft music was filtering through the cheap boat stereo. It was peaceful, listening to your friends pour their hearts out.

Each person took a turn sharing what they would change about themselves. Archie would get rid of his bad temper, James would become a better listener, and Jane would be less self-conscious.

“What would you change?” Morgan turned to look at you.

You and your twin sister were very different people. So different, in fact, that you sometimes forgot that you were identical. In moments like this, when her eyes were watery and hooded, voice thick with sadness and hope, that you were reminded of how similar you could be.

“If I could change anything about myself….” you mused, closing your eyes. “I think I would… let things go.”

“Let things go?” Archie echoed.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “like, let go of the past. Whenever something bad happens to me, I let it really get to me. Negative memories and feelings just… constantly eat away at me. I wish I could just wake up in the morning and think about the future… because thinking about the past is exhausting.”

Nobody spoke after your confession. Nobody tried to assure anyone that they would be okay, or convince anyone that they didn’t need to change. There was something comforting about lying in a circle with your friends, your sister… even Harry, because you were all flawed, and none of you knew what the future would bring. You all found solace in the fact that you were here, right now, laying in a circle on a boat, with an old jazz song ringing through the air.

And who knows… maybe someday, you’ll all find a way to change the parts of yourselves that bother you. Maybe you’ll learn to appreciate them. Maybe your flaws will end up helping you in the long run.

But for now, none of you were alone. And that was enough.

~~~

Thank you for reading! I love getting feedback, so let me know what you thought! xoxoxoxoxoooooxxxxxxooooooxxxoooo Tile

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry #styles #pypfc #pick your poison fic challenge #enemies to lovers #m&bc #miles and black coffee #multi-part fic #part 1

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beamdolans · 6 years

Text

Only Have Eyes For You - Pt.2 [G.D]

SUMMARY: His dads insane, his mothers a disheartened wreck, his brother is a major junkie, and his bad boy facade is driving him mad. All the girls desire the secretive boy, but he only has eyes for her.

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: sorry a lot of depressing shit and smut I guess. possible triggers? also this is my first fanfic so get ready for some punctuation mistakes!

[Y/n’s POV]

I checked the clock that was plastered to the front of the class and above Mr.White's desk.

It read '8:30pm'.

Thank god detention was almost over. All these years of being in the education system, and I've never been in this room once. It was definitely more foul-smelling then I had imagined. There was so much hype about how exhilarating detention was, how the people here were always fun to mess around with. I thought at least Maverick would be hear, since he's usually here alongside Dolan. He always winks at me when I pass him on my way to 2nd period.

Maverick Duval, the very attractive, super tough guy, that happens to be the captain of the football team, and has his very own cool kid posse, like guys like him do in the movies. No one would dare touch him, unless you wanted your legs to be seen crawling back to the other half of your body; no one except stupid head over there in the corner, and his even more stupid brother, Ethan Dolan, AKA; ex captain of the football team and might I add, the biggest badass known to man, no one messes with him either. Everyone says Ethan takes after his dad, Randy.

I don't talk to E, nor have I seen his dad, so I'm not gonna make any assumptions. Maverick and the twins are always at each other's throats. I kinda wanted to see how they'd all be locked in a room with one another for 5 hours. I'd bet one of them would have had the others heads by now.

There's no one in here but Mr. Mysterious and my groggy colleague. It was kind of a let down.

Definitely no breakfast club.

Rachel fell asleep around 2 hours ago and was currently lying on the collection of drool forming on my desk. Grayson has been humming non stop looking like he was having the time of his life, sitting there in his seat tapping his two fingers over top the table over and over again. Countless songs by Weezer, Arctic Monkeys and surprisingly, New Kids on the Block were heard coming from his mouth.

I'd never thought he'd be the type to listen to New Kids on the Block.

Like ever.

[Grayson's POV]

God I hate when Mr.Whites late. The clock at the front of the class read '9:28pm'. The guy was a track star back in the 90's, and now, he's slow as fuck. I guess when Ethan whipped a shot put ball at him in 7th grade, he really messed the hell out of his knee. He was a cripple for the rest of that year, resulting in him accumulating a massive hatred for us Dolan’s, getting pent up inside him ever since.

Rachel and y/n were presently passed out beside one another, no doubt getting over their major hangovers. Mr. White better hurry the fuck up, or the past will soon replay itself. I was scared.

I had seemed to subconsciously shed a tear, "Shit." I say under my breath, knowing that y/n was only sleeping lighting. I pat the tear away with the sleeve of my red sweater. I was really scared.

Scared of what they would think of me when I coward in the corner whilst my dad comes bashing through the class room doors, asking why the hell I wasn't out yet. 'You're wasting my fucking time.' I bet he'd say, while gripping me around my neck as tight as he could, most liking turning my face a disturbing shade of blue. He's traumatized the fuck outta me ever since I was a kid. He had some brutal strength, and doesn't hesitate to hurt me in front of my friends. I don't know why'd he hesitate around girls, it would just show them how much of a pussy I really am.

He's not my dad though, he's my step dad. You know, one of those stereotypical step parents you see on TV, that you would think to have had some time in prison by now. I'm really, not exaggerating. My mom met him at a strip club, shortly after my dad died in a freak car accident when I was 4. He probably won her over by buying her a drink or complimenting her figure or some stupid shit like that.

She was so stupid, worst mistake of her life. Me and Ethan despised him the first day we met the guy; the way he would drunkenly stagger my mom to the doorway after a long night at who knows were. The way he would make these disgusting remarks about my mom, that she would just brush off later like it was nothing. The way he touched me and Ethan. It started out small first, but now hitting us is in his daily routine. She was so utterly depressed and desperate and needed a distraction from the pain, I guess that distraction was my dick head dad.

I don't like calling him dad.

[Y/n's POV]

I awoke with a loud bang coming from the opposite side of the door. I was dazed and confused, since the last thing I remember was staring at the clock, making sure I didn't end up catching any z's, but clearly I was out cold.

Oh shit the clock. 9:36pm I read, after rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Grayson was awake, and he looked petrified. Another bang struck the door, and it reverberated throughout the room.

I gazed over at Grayson, and with every thump, his eyes closed tight, and his body shook in terror. A man's deep voice was heard from the flip-side of the door, and quite frankly, it didn't sound pleasant. "Grayson!" The man yelled. Grayson looked at me. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks were drenched.

"Y/n what's going on?!" Rachel said, wide eyed. She awoke from her sleep clearly as confused and scared as I was. Her knees curled up to her chin. "Is Mr.White trying to get in?!"

I peered over at Grayson and found myself staring at what looked to be the body of a petrified 5 year old, cowardly shielding himself with his hands. I've never seen him like this, it was scary.

He looked back at me, he was breathing heavily. Rachel was too busy worrying about who was at the door rather than to notice Grayson.

"Gray! Are you in there? Let me in!" The man's voice boomed behind the closed door. Grayson immediately unwrapped his arms from his legs, and quickly wiped away the tears falling from his puffy, red eyes. He staggered his way up to the door sniffling and occasionally dabbing his nose with the back of his wet hand. He twisted the handle, and behind the door, was no other then his quit pale looking twin. I let out a sigh of relief.

Ethan rushed in the room, "What the hell? You were supposed to be out of this place 45 minutes ago! I was worried dude." He raised his hands up over his figure, leaned forward and shook his head. "Your fucking lucky dad didn't-" he paused and slapped his hands down to his sides. "Who's the pretty lady?" He asked pointing in my direction. "I've been in here how many times? And I haven't seen your gorgeous face once." He smiled and rested his thumbs in the loops of his jeans.

Grayson looked my way and rolled his eyes. "The 'pretty lady' has a name E." He cleared his throat. "And that is?" Ethan said, licking his lips. He turned his head so his ear was all I could see. I reply to his question with my name and cross my arms. I look over to see Rachel with raised eyebrows and a lollipop she probably found at the bottom of her bag, wedged in between her lips.

"Wow nice to see you too Ethan. Nothing to say about my pretty face?" She said walking closer. Ethan looked down and smiled. He let out a scoff. "Hi Rachel. I've seen you enough times to know that your face is pretty." He laughed, and she copied. Ethan looked back my way after the chuckles stopped and the silence in the room got bigger. "Well y/n, it was nice to meet you, but me and Gray gotta head out. And you guys should too, it's getting dark out there." He jerked his head to the door.

We all jumped when Mr.White came crashing in to the room. He had a briefcase in hand and colourful papers were flying out of it everywhere. He let out a loud sigh and rubbed his eyebrows together. "Sorry, the traffic was insane." We all stood there waiting on someone to say something. "Well?" His Eyes darted between the each of us. "You can go know!" He waved his hand towards the door and chuckled.

I didn't hesitate to move my feet towards the exit fast, I had no idea what had just went down. Rachel quickly speed up to get beside me. "Bye guys! See you next time." She yelled looking back. I heard two faint 'good byes' in the distance, and half of a witty remark made by one of the brothers, but I didn't stop to find out what the rest was, I was just happy to be out of that contested room.

We made it to the parking lot and unlocked Rachel's burgundy Mercedes. I was thinking about asking her about Grayson's little episode that happened earlier, but I assumed she didn't see it since she definitely would have questioned me about it all ready. I'll just keep it to myself.

[Grayson's POV]

'Shit.' I thought. "Shit." I said. Ethan turned his head and questioned me. "What?" He turned the sharp corner slowly in my Ford Bronco. Our stupid old man crashed Ethan's car last week, so I let him use my ride.

"Ah, nothing." I said looking over my shoulder and out the window. It wasn't actually nothing. Ethan took a hand off the wheel, grabbed my face, and jerked my head left so it was facing him. He squinted his eyes and stared at me hard. He slammed the breaks and grunted.

"Dude what the hell?!" I said bracing myself with the side of my door. "Why are your eyes red and swollen." He said sternly and monotone. He wouldn't break the gaze between us until I spoke up. "You were crying, weren't you." He took in a sharp breath. "You were fucking crying!" He banged his hands against the wheel. "Ethan." I gulped.

He whipped his head back and rested it on the back of his seat. "Grayson who saw." He clenched his eyes shut. This is what I was afraid of. How did he always know what I was thinking when I haven't even said anything yet? "Only Y/n." I hesitated. "Only y/n? You mean the girl you just met and know nothing about?" He gave me a shocked and disappointed look. "Shit Gray, she could end up telling the whole school!"

I clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth. "What? What happens if people find out? Am I not aloud to be scared?! You were fucking banging on the door like a maniac!" I snapped. "I thought you were dad." A single tear slipped from my eye. He looked at me with sympathy. "Grayson. I just don't want anything to happen to you. You know Maverick and his goons are friggin insane." He paused and shook his head. "They'll start a fight with you about anything and everything." I nodded my head in agreement, well knowing his statement was very true. "I just want to cry like a normal person." I said low, not breaking contact with the dark road ahead of us.

The car was unbearably silent for a few minutes after that. "Gray?" He broke the awkwardness. I hummed softly, signalling he could ask his question. "Can you stay with Y/n?" He shot me a look then quickly shifted his eyes back to the road. I was confused. "Do what?" He sighed, "Gray, if you don't stay with her for the next couple of days, she might as-well think telling the whole school about your little incident is the given thing to do."

I rolled my eyes. He was right, I didn't know this girl. I had no idea what her intentions might be. Who knows what she might do with the information. I nodded my head. "Gray, I just-" he stuttered. "You just don't want me to get hurt." I finished his sentence. I watched as he rested his cheek in his hand. "C'mon, it won't be that hard." He made sure to emphasized the 'that'. He shot me a grin.

"What do you mean?" I responded. "I mean, you were looking at that girl like she was your dinner."

"Was not."

"Was too." He shot back, lightly punching me in my arm. I guess I was, Y/n was the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. I've kinda had a thing for her since 5th grade. I want to get to know her.

#grayson dolan series #the dolan twins imagine #grayson dolan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom #ethan and grayson #ethan dolan imagine

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at-least-ill-die-a-lionturtle · 7 years

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All of the questions. 💖

** Links are in bold **

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? It depends on the cereal. Raisin Bran gets 50/50 milk-to-cereal ratio, while something like Fruity Pebbles gets a 30/70 milk-to-cereal ratio

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? I CHERISH IT WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Whatever happens to be the closest, flat object

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I like my coffee as such: 50% coffee, 30% half&half, 20% sugar. Im going to assume this means hot tea, which Ive only had green. But I like my green tea with three sugars.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Very. I have bad gaps on all my front teeth

6: do you keep plants? No, but I really want to :3

7: do you name your plants? I will give them lovely names. Like Hamish, and Ludacris

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Music

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I DO, I do it all the time

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Mostly side and stomach. I roll around a lot

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? Hey Karen, have you sent those faxes?

12: what’s your favorite planet? Mars

13: what’s something that made you smile today? A few things. My girlfriend, Rob Schneider, Achievement Hunter

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Like this, I’d imagine15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! On Venus a day is longer than a year. The length of time it takes to complete one whole orbit around the Sun is 224.7 Earth days. However it takes 243 Earth days to rotate on its axis just once.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Uhm… Lasagna? I need more time to think about this lol

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Ive dyed it blue before, it started off kinda dark and ended like a bubblegum blue. Next time I wanna dye it like this but darker

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. The time during marching band when we did our invitationals. Me and a buddy were in charge of the water station, and the valve on one of the jug-thingies wasnt working right. I told my buddy, “Hey, it wont work right unless you flick it first.” And the band director of the band walking buy, he was like 70 years old, kinda sounded like Old Man Jenkins from Spongebob. He said, in a tone that he knew EXACTLY what kinda joke he was making, “It works when I flick it!” And we were literally rofl

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I keep a dream log, but I havnt updated it in years. Its not very often that I remember enough of my dreams to actually write them down. But I’ll go ahead and make posts with the two that Ive kept, here and here

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Greens and blues

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Ive got this Halo 3 messenger bag thats like a Desert Storm color. One end of the strap has come off, a lot of the ends are frayed, and one of the zippers no longer works.

22: are you a morning person? Ive always been a morning person, and I also used to be a night owl. But now I struggle to stay up past 10pm

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Watch Youtube and play video games

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Yeah (:

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? My own home lmao

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My stupid fucking work boots lol Only pair of shoes I own

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Trident Layers Strawberry Citrus

28: sunrise or sunset? Primarily sunrise, but also sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? When @pizzaboxx attacks the patriarchy

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Yes, quite a few times actually. I almost tumbled down a mountain in a Jeep Wrangler when I was 7

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I think okay about socks. I like wearing weird socks, I have a pair of Captain America ones with little wings. I do sleep with socks. I mostly do yeah lol Im pretty much always wearing socks unless swimming or showering is involved

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Partook in some hooliganism at a Walmart, which included, but was not limited to, prank calling 9-11.

33: what’s your fave pastry? Bear claw and/or apple fritter

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Ive had an Orca named Oscar since I was like 10

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Nah, not really

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? Faunts

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? It kinda goes back and forth

38: tell us about your pet peeves! God damn, thats a list for another day lol

39: what color do you wear the most? Black and other dark colors. But Ive picked up a small array of light colored clothes over the last few years

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? I own an Amulet of Stendarr. It increases your Block skill by 10%. Stendarr is the Tamriellic god of Justice and Mercy. He is the patron of cleric-type folks, as his devout followers, the Vigilant of Stendarr, travel the lands rooting out demons and undead such as vampires.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Hm… I dont really know. My memory is shite and I havnt read a book in full in SO long

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Not really, never have really been to an actual coffee shop. FUCKIN LOVE WAWA THO

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Alex

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? I dont know if Ive ever truly felt like that. But Ive been close a few times.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Not a lot, but on occasion.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I’m always on time with my jokes. I guess you could say I’m pretty pun-ctual.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Fucking anything with cabbage. Oh, and candy corn. Fight me.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? I used to be really afraid of the dark, but not really anymore.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I LOVE cds! And I’ll start getting records when I get a record player. The last cds I bought was a Weezer collection. It had Blue, Pinkerton, Green, Make Believe, and Red.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Nothing that I can think of, really.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? MY buddy Sam; You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? None really. But Im sure something good will come around.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? No, no, yes, and yes. I really like Beetlejuice, and I LOVE Pulp Fiction.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? poop

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? Im not really sure

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? The passion for something they love

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I ALWAYS dramatically re-enact the lyrics. HOW CAN YOU NOT?!

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? Dont know about wine mom, but my friend Caitlyn is DEF the vodka aunt lmao

59: what’s your favorite myth? The American Dream

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I do, but I dont go out of my way to read it

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? I honestly cant think of anything right now, for either situation

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? I drink juice literally whenever possible, preferably apple juice.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Leave them to be

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Midnight blue

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? YES. My group of friends from back home, and my baby sister

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Made of blue Morning Glory’s and pink Hibiscus

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? SO GOOD. I always feel in a better mood.68: what’s winter like where you live? One week of frigid temps and occasionally Fall like temps but mostly in mid to high 70′s69: what are your favorite board games? Battleship, Scrabble, hmmm. Thats all I can think of at the moment70: have you ever used a ouija board? Never71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? Sweet iced tea. Im also trying out some Scottish Heather tea right now and its quite delightful72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? YES. I am so forgetful lmao73: what are some of your worst habits? Forgetfulness is the root of most, if not all, of my bad habits. So Imma go with that.74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Loud, but also quiet at times. Very laid back, but adventurous. Trust-worthy and reliable. Never afraid of a good dick joke.75: tell us about your pets! OKAY! First dogs, then cats. Otis is a momma’s boy and loves socks. Charlie is energetic but loves being lazy on the bed AND BORFS LOUD AT SQUIRRELS and will steal your food without a second thought. Sheep is blind and likes the bathroom. Izzy is hella stressed and barks at EVERYTHING. Bojack is a grandpa with literal Alzheimers and sleeps A LOT. Lady chews on EVERYTHING and often throws up stuff like string and leaves and loves to be held. Gizmo likes to jump up against your leg and rip apart your flesh with his little raptor claws. Dobby gets hurt and cold easy but plays SUPER rough and is a MAJOR GROANER when sleepy and stuff. NOW CATS. Oscar is smol and cuddly and gets cold, but he PEES EVERYWHERE. NOTHING IS SACRED. Bones is also smol and very shy, doesnt like the other cats and REALLY LOVES Charlie. Frizzo is sweet most times but growls at everything and is an ASSHOLE to Bones and Carter. Carter stays away and hidden, she doesnt like the other animals. Will boop you when she wants attention. Lucy is our angry son, he is a super asshole to all the cats except Bones because thats his girlfriend, and is especially mean to Frizzo and Carter. He has an old man face when he’s tired.76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? Going to bed lol Super tired, but I need to finish my tea.77: pink or yellow lemonade? Yellow78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? I dont hate them, but I dont like them either79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Alex has done plenty of cute things for me, because everything she does is cute :380: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Fucking fake wood panels. We did not :P81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. I dont know too much about any of my friends eyes???82: are/were you good in school? NOPE lol83: what’s some of your favorite album art? Really like the album artwork of Deep Blue by Parkway Drive84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I AM! I have a few specific ones planned, but also a bunch of inspiration here!85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I do not, but I really want to! I want to get into Spider-Man, The Flash, Ms. and Captain Marvel, Guardians of the Galaxy, and anything Teen Titans related.86: do you like concept albums? which ones? I think this is a concept album?87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Good Will Hunting, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Her88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Expressionism and Impressionism89: are you close to your parents? LOL NOPE90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. FUCKING LOVE SAVANNAH. Its the perfect blend of historic and modern. Right on the beach/river. Lots of cool things going on. Also downtown is BEAUTIFUL.91: where do you plan on traveling this year? No idea lol92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? DROWN IT.93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Varied lengths, and its really hard to tame my hair. Even with gel and shit. So I just let it do its own thing mostly.94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? An old friend from Runescape95: what are your plans for this weekend? Not a got damn thing!96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I used to procrastinate them a lot, but Ive gotten better at it97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? It changes almost every time I take it, but I think its ISFP? Taurus. Gryffindor but I relate to Hufflepuff as well98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Like over a year ago, I went with my buddy Sam and it was a pretty good time.99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Jesus Doesnt Mosh - The Ambulance Review, Engine 45 - The Ghost Inside, Broken Mirrors - Mercy Screams, Rise Against, like just in general; [This Is More; We’re What Separates the Heart from the Heartless; Amber; Some Kind of Hope; Sufferer/La Poderosa; Diamond; Ring Loud (Last Hope); D(I AM)OND; Built Upon the Sand; The Suspend] songs in brackets are by Stick to Your Guns. Im total trash, sorry not sorry.100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Easy, I would definitely go back five years into the past. It would be awesome to have my current knowledge so I could better prepare myself for my life today.

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yahwehscholar · 3 years

Text

I've been away for awhile. Honestly, I've been creeped out by the whole Big Brother thing, and 1984 (Big Brother Is Watching You) but it's 2021... 2014 even. Yikes. What has happened these past 7 years? I don't know, but I'm glad I won't have to relive them again.

I've also been depressed about my husband, in every way except legally. We had separated for 6 months, and now... I don't know. It's like a big question hanging in the air, if we're going to stay together. It sucks. It always is, and it drives me to yelling and excessively overreacting to the negative comments he makes about me. And how what he tried to tell me what I did, but it's just all delusions in Joeys's head he thinks are real. And it's all sexual things, and it's harassment. I can't handle this anymore.

And the gossip is probably all over town. We live in a very small community. And Joey seems to know everyone. It's stressing me out to the point where I'm living out their expectations of FAILURE. I feel like such a victim, but no one knows.... no one knows what it's like. To be the sad man, the bad man, behind blue eyes... only I don't have blue eyes, mine are mostly brown.

I need to learn how to make friends. I'm so bad at this... someone else's opinion of me. My opinion of them, too, if the person I am talking to seems to understand and to hear me. I really, really need to be heard.

I'm trying. It's not easy when your brain won't work they way you're trying to tell it to work. You're in a constant state of panic and stress, buzzers telling you to move, yelling at you, but you don't know where to go.

I have been listening to good music over this period. It's nice hearing other people say, and truly sing their hearts out, thw truth. The album Science Fiction by Brand New is what I'm listening to right now. It's amazing. The amount of depression, sheer pain felt by me, by us, for so long, is played out in music and sung so you can clearly understand thw words. I love that band. Brand New, the Offspring, Rise Against. Green Day, Alkaline Trio. Weezer, Fountains of Wayne. Panic! At The Disco. Fall Out Boy. Music I have loved, that has changed my life. Also, the two best books by Terry Prstchett, because of their subject matter: Night Watch and Thief of Time. Night Watch is a revolution and process of instituting a new Patrician, who is like the king. And it's about having a baby. Getting the world ready, making it a better place, cleaning it up a bit, for your child to live in. For yourself to live in too, but it means more when it's for someone else. Humans can withstand a lot of badness. We need to clean this place up. Take thw TRaSH out.

Night Watch is about the head guy of the night police, Commander Sam Vimes. He knows that sometimes, you need to break the rules to get the job done. And it's about a clearly crazy peraon.... what do you do with them? How can any one person do to stand in יהוה's place of repaying vengeance? "Don't blame me, I just work here." Yeah, right. What have we been doing to people? What are we still doing?

What this world needs is love. אהנה that Jesus taught us, to do for our neighbor what we would want done to us. Who really is our neighbor? Every human being on this stupid Earth. She's a beautiful planet. We need to learn how to wreck her properly so green continues growing and the blue water has a home. People have a limit, there's a population problem. That's why I choose not to have children, not even one. One of the many reasons, I guess. Jesus said "Woe to the pregnant woman and nursing mother in those days " I think being childless is the right choice, since I can make that now with pills. I adopt children. I try to do my best not to tell them what to do, but to bring out the best in them by letting them make their own choices. Maybe that's the wrong way to look at it, but...

How would I react to someone controlling my life? Or even someone (Joey) trying to fool me, to trick me into doing something (or stop doing something) I don't want to do (or stop doing)? Without my mental input? It won't happen. I won't be happy about the results.

It takes work, physical work, of moving one object containing mass from one point in space and time to another place in space and time. Work = Current x Voltage, in electrical circuits. I did retain a few things from the schooling I attended. I know that in circuits, you always need resistance, which is measured in Ohms, which has an upper case Omega as it's symbol. I don't have a Greek keyboard, just a Hebrew one. And English, of course. But, Hebrew is hard.

You need resistance to complete the circuit and make the electrical energy, measured in Volts or V, from a battery or whathaveyou, move throughout the circuit to power a motor or LED light. The current, or I, is equal to the Volts divided by the ohms. The ohms measure how much resistance there is over a period of time.

That is where ths equation picks up the variable of Time, in the resistance measurement. Time is so important. Cherish it, because eight now, things are getting worse everyday because we know we're going to die. We are on a slow aging march to death and the grave.

Maybe that's why I choose to hasten it by smoking things. I firmly believe my measurement of time was correct, that the end has started. When will it end? Or is this just like the new beginning, my life slowly getting better? I don't know. But, getting worse at the same time. Joey told me "my mom said I can mind fuck you all I want, but I better never lay a hand on you" I got loud. He got loud first. He keeps interrupting, he doesn't hear me. He wants me me see him, but he can't hear me because he's too good for it. Or whatever. A Narcissist, to the elevens (not just the nines).

I know I am recovering from C-PTSD, over and over traumatic situations this person, and even the police and doctors, have put me in. And the law enforces it. How can you stop them?

I know that cannabis, the marijuana flower, that you can smoke and smell so strong, is thw holy spirit when burnt. If American Spirit cigarettes are tobacco, then the "holy spirit" could very well be this plant, when you put fire to it, like the incense burned at the temple every morning and evening.

I'm not telling anyone they should smoke it. Make your own choices. But please, let me make my own choices. It definitely effects different people differently than it effects me. I like reading and writing on it. It helps clarify, I understand. It's like I'm being fed truth about what really is happening, or even had happened. It's amazing reading the prophets of the bible.

It's all about his name, and vengeance. "Vengeance is mine, I will repay" says יהוה☆.

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brittanyyoungblog · 6 years

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Songs About Jealousy: 60 Jealous Love Songs

Fear. Anger. Mistrust. Envy. Apprehension. It’s not one of the nicer sides of love, but jealousy is a part of it. When you’re with someone you care deeply about it can drive you a little crazy, have you doubting yourself and your relationship, and make you wonder What does this person even see in me? Is it any wonder there are so many songs about jealousy?

Whether you’re watching the one you love with someone else across a room full of faces, lusting after your best friend’s girl, or just wondering what you’d do if you were her man, there’s a jealous song that might not make you feel any better but maybe a little less alone. Check out the list below or listen to it on Spotify.

1. Jealous Bone, Patty Loveless And I know I’m gonna run you off, if I don’t learn to let you go. But ooh oh you make me lose control.

2. Jealousy, Natalie Merchant Is she the sort you’ve always thought, could make you what you’re not?

3. My Best Friend’s Girl, The Cars You’re always dancing down the street with your suede blue eye-eyes. And every new boy that you meet doesn’t know the real surprise.

4. Lounge Act, Nirvana I’ll arrest myself and wear a shield. I’ll go out of my way to prove I still smell her on you.

5. Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms The past is gone but something might be found to take its place… Hey jealousy.

6. Mr. Brightside, The Killers Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis.

7. No One Else, Weezer I want a girl who will laugh for no one else. When I’m away she puts her makeup on the shelf.

8. When It Was Me, Paula Oh, oh, and I’m not jealous, no, I’m not. Oh, oh, I just want everything she’s got.

9. Revenge, P!nk Featuring Eminem I’m daydreamin’, let me count the ways how I’ll get you or how I’ll make you pay.

10. You Can’t Do That, The Beatles I got something to say that might cause you pain. If I catch you talking to that boy again, I’m gonna let you down and leave you flat. Because I told you before, oh you can’t do that.

11. Every Breath You Take, The Police Oh can’t you see, you belong to me. How my poor heart breaks, with every breath you take.

12. When I Was Your Man, Bruno Mars Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance. Take you to every party ’cause all you wanted to do was dance. Now my baby’s dancing but she’s dancing with another man.

13. You Belong with Me, Taylor Swift If you can see I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along so why can’t you see, you belong with me.

14. That’s Him Over There, Nina Simone I guess that you know what extremes I have gone to, to prove that I didn’t care. You were so anxious to meet the dream that I’ve hung onto. Well, that’s him, that’s my Jim, over there.

15. She’s Got You, Patsy Cline I’ve got your class ring that proved you cared. And it still looks the same as when you gave it, dear. The only thing different, the only thing new, I’ve got these little things, she’s got you.

16. Gallery, Mario Vazquez And girl you’re just way too fine. Gotta be treated as one of a kind. Girl use your mind. Don’t be just another dime.

17. Girl Crush, Little Big Town I want to taste her lips. Yeah, ’cause they taste like you.

18. Green is the Colour, Pink Floyd Envy is the bond between the hopeful and the damned.

19. Jealous Guy, John Lennon I’m sorry that I made you cry. Oh my I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m just a jealous guy.

20. Jessie’s Girl, Rick Springfield I feel so dirty when they start talking cute. I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot.

21. Satellite of Love, Lou Reed I’ve been told that you’ve been bold with Harry, Mark, and John. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday to Thursday. With Harry, Mark, and John.

22. Who Is He (And What Is He to You?), Bill Withers Now when I add the sum of you and me, I get confused when I keep coming up with three. You’re too much for one man, but not enough for two.

23. If I Lost You, Garbage There are times when I see you talking to other girls, I feel insecure. And every time I see you walking out, I wonder if you’re coming back to me.

24. Jealous (I Ain’t With It) So is it really my fault, I get a shiver when I see you with those other guys.

25. Jealous Again, The Black Crows Stop, understand me. I ain’t afraid of losing face. Stop, understand me. I ain’t afraid of ever losing faith in you.

26. Tell Her No, The Zombies And if she should tell you come closer, and if she tempts you with her charms, tell her no no no no no-no-no-no.

27. Ring the Alarm, Beyoncé Ring the alarm, I been through this too long, but I’ll be damned if I see another chick on your arm.

28. I (Who Have Nothing), Ben E. King I, I who have no one, must watch you go dancing by, wrapped in the arms of somebody else when, darling, it’s I who loves you.

29. Jealous Hearted Blues, Ma Rainey Going to buy me a bulldog, to watch him while I sleep. Just to keep my man from making his midnight creep. Yes I’m jealous, jealous. Jealous hearted me.

30. Jealousy, Queen Oh jealousy you tripped me up. Jealousy you brought me down. You bring me sorrow you cause me pain. Jealousy when will you let go?

31. Treat You Better, Shawn Mendes I won’t lie to you, I know he’s just not right for you.

32. The Jealous Kind, Joe Cocker It’s just that I’m so afraid someone might steal you away, I’d lose my mind. So please forgive me for the way I act sometimes. I’m the jealous kind.

33. I Want Your Girlfriend to Be My Girlfriend Too, Reel Big Fish There’s a little girl I know, you might know her too. She looks so good, she looks so cute, standin’ next to you. And I don’t know what to do.

34. Silver Springs, Fleetwood Mac Don’t say that she’s pretty, and did you say that she loved you. Baby I don’t want to know.

35. Jealous, Nick Jonas It’s not your fault that they hover, I mean no disrespect. It’s my right to be hellish. I still get jealous.

36. Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood Right now, she’s probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke. Right now, she’s probably saying “I’m drunk” and he’s a-thinking that he’s gonna get lucky.

37. Jealous Lover, Rainbow Shades of red, eyes of green, sees black and white, and there’s no in between.

38. Forgive My Jealousy, Chuck Jackson Forgive this foolish fear that rages inside of me. Oh, I love you so much love has blinded me.

39. Beautiful Liar, Shakira and Beyoncé I walked in on your love scene, slow dancing. You stole everything, how can you say I did you wrong.

40. Pickup Truck, Kings of Leon And in the moonlight I throwed him down, a kicking, screaming, a rolling around. A little piece of a bloody tooth. Just so you know I was thinking of you.

41. Want U Back, Cher Lloyd Remember all the things that you and I did first? And now you’re doing them with her. Remember all the things that you and I did first? You got me, got me like this.

42. Bust Your Windows, Jazmine Sullivan I bust the windows out ya car and no it didn’t mend my broken heart.

43. You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theater? Does she speak eloquently? And would she have your baby? I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother.

44. Girlfriend, Avril Lavigne She’s like so whatever. You could do so much better. I think we should get together now.

45. Dysentery Gary, Blink 182 Life just sucks, I lost the one. I’m giving up. She found someone. There’s plenty more. Girls are such a drag.

46. Jealousy, Spoon Jealousy, you have never done a thing for me.

47. Endlessly Jealous, Lou Reed Endlessly jealous of you, being endlessly jealous of me. The man that you thought I could be turning red with jealousy.

48. Jealousy, Iggy Pop I feel it comin’ it’s flushin’ my face. I feel it comin’ jealousy baby. I feel it comin’ boilin my blood . I feel it comin’ jealousy baby.

49. Jealousy, Billy Fury I loved you too well. For I doubted you in my heart. My life was hell every moment we were apart. Why did I make that big mistake? I wronged you right from the start.

50. False Accusations, Robert Cray I was so wrong. She’s gone tonight. I was so wrong. I can see her now. And jealousy had twisted me somehow.

51. Suspicious Minds, Elvis Presley We’re caught in a trap. I can’t walk out, because I love you too much, baby.

52. Dark Lady, Cher So I sneaked back and caught her with my man, laughing and kissing till they saw the gun in my hand. The next thing I knew they were dead on the floor. Dark lady would never turn a card up anymore.

53. I Wonder What She’s Doing Tonight, Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart We were so close but we should’ve been closer and it’s making me feel so sad. But I tell myself I didn’t lose her ’cause you can’t lose a friend you never had.

54. Run for Your Life, The Beatles Well I’d rather see you dead, little girl, than to be with another man.

55. My Girl Bill, Jim Stafford Bill, you know we just left her place, and we both know what she said. She doesn’t want to see your face, and she wishes you were dead!

56. He Don’t Love You (Like I Love You), Tony Orlando and Dawn The handsome guy that you’ve been dating, whoa, I got a feelin’ he’s gonna put you down.

57. The Girl is Mine, Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney I don’t understand the way you think, saying that she’s yours not mine. Sending roses and your silly dreams, really just a waste of time.

58. No Reply, The Beatles I nearly died, I nearly died. ‘Cause you walked hand in hand with another man in my place.

59. Him or Me – What’s It Gonna Be, Paul Revere & The Raiders I can still recall when you told me I was all everything you looked for in a man. But I know that it’s not true, I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I think you’re gonna hang me up again.

60. Jealous, Robert Palmer When I see you with that guy and he catches your pretty eye, yYou know it makes we want to die.

The post Songs About Jealousy: 60 Jealous Love Songs appeared first on The Date Mix.

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hashtagyourshirt · 7 years

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200: My crush’s name is: Liz. 199: I was born in: Camden. 198: I am really: aggressive. 197: My cellphone company is: Verizon. 196: My eye color is: blue/grey. 195: My shoe size is: 7/9. 194: My ring size is: 7. 193: My height is: 5′5″ 192: I am allergic to: trees. 191: My 1st car was: Ford Explorer ‘97. 190: My 1st job was: Royal Bargains, Dollar Store. 189: Last book you read: Love is Love. 188: My bed is: too small. 187: My pet: Willers, eventual cause of my death. 186: My best friend: works with me. 185: My favorite shampoo is: Whole Foods. 184: Xbox or ps3: N64. 183: Piggy banks are: stressful. 182: In my pockets: great Alanis Mourisette song. 181: On my calendar: new job tomorrow. 180: Marriage is: a commitment. 179: Spongebob can: be ready. 178: My mom: wants to get matching tattoos. 177: The last three songs I bought were? Sleater-Kinney 176: Last YouTube video watched: Carmilla. 175: How many cousins do you have? 56 first cousins. 174: Do you have any siblings? 1. 173: Are your parents divorced? no. 172: Are you taller than your mom? yes. 171: Do you play an instrument? guitar. 170: What did you do yesterday? went to the zoo with the school. [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: yep. 168: Luck: yep. 167: Fate: yep. 166: Yourself: eh. 165: Aliens: I hope. 164: Heaven: eh. 163: Hell: eh. 162: God: eh. 161: Horoscopes: yep. 160: Soul mates: yep. 159: Ghosts: eh. 158: Gay Marriage: yep! 157: War: no. 156: Orbs: huh? 155: Magic: in a young girl’s heart. [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs. 153: Drunk or High: drunk. 152: Phone or Online: online. 151: Red heads or Black haired: black. 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes. 149: Hot or cold: cold. 148: Summer or winter: summer. 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn. 146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate. 145: Night or Day: day. 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges. 143: Curly or Straight hair: curly. 142: McDonalds or Burger King: ew. 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk. 140: Mac or PC: Mac. 139: Flip flops or high heals: flops. 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi. 136: Hillary or Obama: gimme both. 135: Burried or cremated: cremated. 134: Singing or Dancing: singing. 133: Coach or Chanel: Chanel. 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who? 131: Small town or Big city: big city. 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target. 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ew. 128: Manicure or Pedicure: EW. 127: East Coast or West Coast: EAST COAST. 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: my birthday. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers. tattooed on me. 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney. 123: Yankees or Red Sox: PHILLIES. [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Boo. 121: George Bush: BOO. (also how the fuck old is this?) 120: Gay Marriage: YES. 119: The presidential election: BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 118: Abortion: should be safe and legal 117: MySpace: high school 116: Reality TV: terrifying 115: Parents: boo. 114: Back stabbers: why did they stab backs? 113: Ebay: supes old 112: Facebook: listens to me 111: Work: exciting now! 110: My Neighbors: new 109: Gas Prices: moderate 108: Designer Clothes: expensive 107: College: long time ago 106: Sports: fun to play, and gay 105: My family: far away (blood) 104: The future: amazing [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: yesterday 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: yurp (Tuesday) 100: Cried in front of someone: yeah, bit ago. 99: Went to a movie theater: uhhhhhhhh, for Wonder Woman 98: Took a vacation: ONE MONTH UNTIL PARIS 97: Swam in a pool: does a hot tub count? 96: Changed a diaper: this past weekend 95: Got my nails done: ten years ago 94: Went to a wedding: may 2017 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a piercing: seven years ago 91: Broke the law: NEVER 90: Texted: like five seconds ago [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: Lizard! 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: being at home 87: The last movie I saw: I don’t remember 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Paris 85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting up 84: People call me: kevy, pronounced KEV - EEEEEEE!!!! 83: The most difficult thing to do is: not bite my fingers 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nine years ago 81: My zodiac sign is: taurus 80: The first person i talked to today was: my wife 79: First time you had a crush: like over twenty years ago.... 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: everyone, but specifically my wife 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: my bff 76: Right now I am talking to: some friends, wife, some mutuals, tweeting 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: queer counselor (I’m grown!) 74: I have/will get a job: I’m a Special Education Classroom Assistant and a Queer student counselor at a gifted elementary school 73: Tomorrow: bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast 72: Today: book club 71: Next Summer: camp again? 70: Next Weekend: podcast taping (San Junipero) 69: I have these pets: Willers, he’s fucking annoying 68: The worst sound in the world: his fucking meow at 6 am 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Lena Luthor #pathetic 66: People that make you happy: my friends, my wife 65: Last time I cried: discussing queer politics 64: My friends are: great 63: My computer is: shiny 62: My School: new 61: My Car: piece of shit 60: I lose all respect for people who: have no backbone 59: The movie I cried at was: first girl I loved 58: Your hair color is: dark brown undercut, honey brown/blond on top 57: TV shows you watch: that gay shit. 56: Favorite web site: ao3 55: Your dream vacation: world tour over six months 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: my period pain was horrid about fifteen to thirteen years ago. It’s manageable now, but still the worst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: bloody 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: Katie McGrath, Elise Bauman, and Eliza Dushku 50: Where would you like to be: right where I am, but bigger apartment, in better shape, and with more money 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yup 47: Who’s your best friend: Anne 46: More guy friends or girl friends: all gals 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: finishing something 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my sis 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nope 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nope 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope 40: Last person I got mad at: fuckhead in chief 39: I would like to move to: Canada 38: I wish I was a professional: writer [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: sour s’getti 36: Vehicle: my bike 35: President: Obama 34: State visited: California 33: Cellphone provider: idc 32: Athlete: I was obsessed with roy halladay as a youth 31: Actor: Katie McGrath 30: Actress: Elise Bauman 29: Singer: Ani DiFranco 28: Band: Against Me! 27: Clothing store: thrift store 26: Grocery store: don’t care 25: TV show: all time: Buffy, current: Wynonna Earp 24: Movie: Fried Green Tomatoes 23: Website: ao3 22: Animal: pitbull 21: Theme park: Harry Potter world 20: Holiday: purim, my anniversary 19: Sport to watch: softball 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: teen vogue 16: Book: dc bombshells 15: Day of the week: Friday (shabbat shalom!) 14: Beach: ocean city, nj 13: Concert attended: tied between Tegan & Sara (2016) and Blink 182, Weezer, and Taking Back Sunday (2009) 12: Thing to cook: steak 11: Food: sandwich 10: Restaurant: Jerry’s 9: Radio station: I do not know her 8: Yankee candle scent: midsummer night 7: Perfume: none 6: Flower: star gazer lily 5: Color: green 4: Talk show host: Ellen 3: Comedian: currently, Rhea Butcher 2: Dog breed: pit/aussie 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yuh

Repost and do it yourself.

#bored #old type of post #asks

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ricardosousalemos · 7 years

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Weezer: Weezer (Blue Album)

Weezer mastermind Rivers Cuomo was such a somber kid that his second-grade teacher trained the other students to tell him, in unison, “Let me see the smile.” Childhood in Yogaville, the ashram and Integral Yoga HQ led by “Woodstock guru” Swami Satchidananda in eastern Connecticut, was isolating, devoid of much pop culture and adventure—until Cuomo heard Kiss. When a family friend brought their fifth album, 1976’s Rock and Roll Over, to the Cuomo house, it sent Rivers and younger brother Leaves launching off furniture in a way only formative music can. “I’ve pretty much based my life around that record,” he has said. With their comic-book personas and distorted riffs, Kiss cracked Cuomo’s young brain wide open and rewired it for good. He had little idea what debauchery they were singing of, but from that point on, Cuomo began having intense dreams about becoming a rock star, and he began obsessively studying the work of his songwriting heroes.

For Rivers, music offered both a coat of armor and an identity. As a pre-teen enrolled in public school for the first time, Cuomo went by a different first name and his stepfather’s last name (Kitts); his chosen moniker—Peter Kitts—was awfully close to that of Kiss drummer Peter Criss. And while Cuomo was still picked on as he made his way through puberty, he eventually found his people: the metalheads. In 1989, Cuomo moved from Connecticut with his high school band to Los Angeles, ground zero for the AquaNetted and Spandexed. There, he found himself in the midst of shifting tastes, both culturally and personally. He started working at the Sunset Boulevard Tower Records, where he was schooled on quintessentially “cool” music like the Velvet Underground, Pixies, and Sonic Youth.

Also in the mix at this time was a new band called Nirvana. When Cuomo first heard “Smells Like Teen Spirit” on the radio in late 1991 while washing dishes in an Italian restaurant, he was sorta pissed he didn’t write it himself. “Rivers says, ‘I should have written that,’” remembered early Weezer guitarist Jason Cropper in John D. Luerssen’s band biography, River’s Edge. “And I’m like, ‘Yeah. That’s totally true.’ Because the music he was writing was improving in quality every day.” Cuomo’s interest in Nirvana became an obsession. He’d taken notes from Brian Wilson, the Beatles, Scorpions, Yngwie Malmsteen, and, of course, Kiss. But for all his knowledge of rock history, he still cared deeply about writing anthems that spoke to his generation, even if he had trouble looking his peers in the eyes.

Weezer anthems were destined to be different. In 1994, the acts dominating the modern rock charts were pushing against something, from the British aesthetes (Depeche Mode, New Order, Morrissey) to the singular weirdos (Beck, Tori Amos, Red Hot Chili Peppers) to the disenfranchised youth (Nirvana, Green Day, Pearl Jam). With rebellion came a facade of cool, and that was something Weezer could never manage, at least not in the traditional way. Cuomo always tried a little too hard. He would become the fidgety anti-frontman with a thousand “revenge of the nerds” taglines and a Harvard degree to prove it. That dichotomy—the big-time rockstar in khakis and Buddy Holly glasses, who never seems totally comfortable in his own skin—is what launched his cult and anchored his unlikely sex appeal. And his band—drummer Patrick Wilson, bassist Matt Sharp, and guitarist Brian Bell—played along, accentuating their innate geekiness to make Weezer feel like a unified front.

By the summer of 1993, Cuomo had written a number of songs strong enough to convince the alt-rock major DGC to sign Weezer (this despite a lack of buzz around the L.A. scene) and have the Cars’ frontman Ric Ocasek produce their first album. When the group’s self-titled debut—typically known as The Blue Album—arrived in May 1994, Cobain had been dead for a month. A feeling of dread hung over the alternative rock world whose prominence was ushered in by the Seattle sound. With their wired energy, effortless power-pop-punk hooks, and Beach Boys harmonies, Weezer took the alt-rock explosion in a new direction. You couldn’t quite tell if Cuomo was mocking his song’s regressive narrators or sympathizing with them. But once you got past his defense mechanisms and sorting through the humor and cultural references, you found a portrait of a young man’s psyche, riddled with angst and insecurity. And it arrived on the wings of massive riffs and gnarled guitar solos that sounded like they were emanating from a Flying V—on every single song.

The Blue Album’s exploration of the fragile male ego is in full swing by the record’s second track, “No One Else.” Taken at face value, this is likely the most misogynistic song Weezer has ever released. “I want a girl who will laugh for no one else,” Cuomo sings while the band rushes through the fuzzy pop-punk changes, evoking the hyperbole of masculinity. But there’s more beneath the surface. “‘No One Else’ is about the jealous-obsessive asshole in me freaking out on my girlfriend," Cuomo has said. The song acquires even more resonance in the context of its sequencing on the record. Cuomo described the following song, “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” as “the same asshole wondering why she's gone.” In actuality, he spends most of “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here” muttering to his ex’s wallet photograph and masturbating to her memory, getting in a joke along the way, saying she enjoyed the sex “more than ever.” It’s an absurd scene, but imagine the sentiment coming from the wrong person and it’s suddenly not so funny. Weezer were masterful at walking this line between knowing jokiness and legitimately creepy dysfunction.

This base kind of arrested development shifts back and forth between the narrator’s relationship with girls and his views on himself. If “No One Else” and “The World Has Turned and Left Me Here” are mirror twins, so are “Surf Wax America” and “In the Garage.” Given that Weezer were named after a common term for asthma sufferers, no one expected them to be out on a board riding the waves. That tension animates “Surf Wax America,” a well-crafted jumble of harmonic puzzles and barreling punk guitars where the hedonistic surfer lifestyle is both celebrated and chided for its simplistic worldview. Even while the song sneers, the ferocity of Cuomo screaming “Let’s go!” juxtaposed with the solemnness of the band’s Wilsonian harmonies make you believe, once again, in Weezer’s sincerity. Meanwhile, “In the Garage” is an homage to that happy place where no one judges you for your comic books, D&D figurines, and Kiss posters. It seems like over-the-top self-parody, but the garage was indeed a real place where early Weezer practiced and recorded when Cuomo, Sharp, and original guitarist Justin Fisher lived together in the “Amherst House” near Santa Monica. The hopeless ambition of “In the Garage” would make it the defining song of nerd-rock.

In between “Surf Wax America,” a fantasy about someone completely different, and “In the Garage,” a hyper-detailed song about himself, lies a song about his father. There are two more nakedly emotional songs on Blue, which are set off further by Cuomo’s rare embrace of laid-back guitars. Atop a bluesy jangle, “Say It Ain’t So” details the moment when Cuomo’s deepest worries are realized: He sees a beer in the fridge and, remembering how his father drank before he walked out, he senses his stepfather is doing the same. He fears now that he, too, is destined for this fate. Pinkerton, Weezer’s sophomore album, is often described as the tortured confessional to end all tortured confessionals, essentially a diary of Cuomo’s notorious Asian fetish. But “Say It Ain’t So” is just as raw, and arguably has more that its listeners can use, throwing its arms wide open to anyone who’s known the trauma of dad issues. The music is constructed perfectly, building and building until what's left of Cuomo's vulnerability comes out as a bitterly frayed "yeah-yeah," all capped by a guitar solo worthy of the Scorpions.

The desire to write a perfect song can drive some songwriters mad, as their belief in music as a vehicle for emotional expression reconciles itself with the belief that pop is a puzzle that can be solved. On Blue, Cuomo found the ideal balance, as he rarely has since. He understood the rules so well that he also knew when to break them, from Sharp’s super silly new-wave keyboard in “Buddy Holly” to the mumbled dialogue that runs through “Undone” (the band and their friends chatting were a backup plan after DGC refused to clear dialog from an old sci-fi film, “Peanuts,” and more).

The fact that “Only In Dreams” is eight glorious minutes long is Blue’s greatest example of self-indulgence gone right. It confronts the two most perilous teen-boy anxieties—talking to a girl you really like and dancing in public. It’s fiery, gorgeous, well-played, and devastatingly sad. Sharp’s trudging bassline guides the way forward for the narrator, whose fear of stepping on his crush’s toenails is temporarily silenced by the band’s total calamity. Rock’n’roll teaches us that extreme volume can quiet the voices of doubt inside our heads and numb the pain of living inside our awkward bodies. In this sense, the climaxes on “Only in Dreams,” starting around the song’s midpoint, are rock’n’roll lessons of a lifetime. But it’s the big build at the 6:45 mark that plays like a beta male transfiguration. Having re-recorded Cropper’s guitar parts in one take after essentially firing him following Blue’s 1993 recording at Electric Lady, Cuomo ends up axe-battling himself until he’s soloing like the metal gods he grew up worshipping. Wilson’s drumming—an underrated and idiosyncratic force throughout Weezer’s discography—drives home the catharsis. His cymbals crash from every angle and his tricky rolls play like percussive triple axels. By the end of the song, you’re back to reality, exhausted but ready for a fight—even if it’s just against your own doubting voices.

For all the talk about Rivers Cuomo’s anemic masculinity, The Blue Album has a unifying thread of identity that supersedes gender. An essay on the Smiths pointed out that, “Asking people about their interest in the Smiths is another way of asking this question: ‘How did you survive your teenage years?’” The same could be said of Weezer’s debut. Blue quivers with isolation if you look past the pastiche, the deflective humor, and the guitar lines that make you sit up tall. The emotion Weezer tapped into is echoed in music sometimes considered distinctly millennial due to its high levels of anxiety, from Death Cab for Cutie and Carseat Headrest to Mitski’s Puberty 2 and even Drake at his most neurotic.

For as classic as the album is considered now, Blue didn’t make the 1994 Pazz & Jop year-end critics’ poll. Back then, Weezer were considered alt opportunists or even Pavement ripoffs—a comparison that seems silly now, looking at the distinct rock strains since indebted to Cuomo. But MTV and radio airplay for “Buddy Holly” and “Undone — The Sweater Song” made Weezer huge, and The Blue Album went double-platinum within 15 months of its release. Over the next three years, as Weezer 1.0 slowly imploded (bye-bye Matt Sharp, hello rotating door of bassists), the record would sell a million more and be well on its way to canonization. By 2003, Pitchfork named it one of the best records of the 1990s; two years later, Rolling Stone heralded it as the 299th greatest album ever. And so Blue now sits in a sweet spot of commercial accessibility and critical adoration, a combination that guarantees the album will make its way into the hands of a certain kind of bespectacled teenager for decades to come—the ones who really need it. Cuomo never wrote a song as indelible as “Seems Like Teen Spirit,” but he did reach generations of rock kids, proving that coolness is optional if you study hard enough.

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