The Hollow Knight people

The ADHD has been in full effect this week, and I typed over 2000 words of incomplete and barely coherent Hollow Knight thoughts because I needed to see them written out, so this is my attempt to curate what I wrote. Obviously these are my personal interpretations, so here’s my hot and (possibly) Problematic™️ takes about the Pale Beings. Heavy spoilers ahead (no shit).

Alright, main points summarized:

If we judge morality from a human perspective, the Pale King (PK) gets too much shit while the White Lady (WL) doesn't get enough

WL has no parenting genes because she's a plant. I'm not convinced she feels any attachment to her children other than "yeah I made that"

The simple fact that these characters are not humans, and understanding the nature of what they actually are, makes most arguments against their actions dependent on whether or not the vessels have emotions. In other words, they’re only bad because we as an audience ascribe human-like feelings to the vessels (which is a fascinating topic to dive into on its own, but that would constitute its own entire post, so for now I will just say that I think they can/do have feelings, at the very least to some extent. I think they probably start out more or less “empty” and can develop things from there through exposure and influence).

PK may have caused problems for everyone not by being a bad dad, but by not being bad enough

I just really really love how many ways there are to interpret things with the way the lore is presented. You can go with “PK’s a piece of shit, utter fucking horrible person, never actually cared about his favorite kid and saw them as an object, accidentally made them think he was their dad and gave them feelings, locked them away for eternity with no remorse, and when his kingdom started to fall apart instead of going down with the ship he noped off to the dream realm with his whole palace and hid behind personal guards and walls and walls of buzz saws like the cowardly little bitch he is.” You can beat his corpse off the throne and immediately sit your ass down instead to assert dominance.

And if you don’t dig for more, I feel like that’s where the story leads you. This is all well and good. It’s kinda what I was leaning toward initially, and it makes for some absolutely top-tier jokes and content which I have thoroughly enjoyed.

But this room. This room right here haunts me. It’s obviously a nursery, in the area just before you reach the throne room. (Also note that's a major key version of the shade music.) I think the wiki calls it the White Lady’s room. Which idk, it very well could be, but that feels off to me.

First, I don’t think she’d even fit in the room. And second and more significantly, she very much talks about the Vessels as objects and appears completely detached from the protagonist as she talks to them, even emotionally detached from the Pure Vessel themself, whom she presumably had a part in raising. I mean, her chill attitude toward it all is why I wasn’t 100% convinced I was reading it right (that she really was their mom) when I first spoke with her (that, and because a lot of this game’s dialogue I’ve had to read through more than once to fully comprehend, because the language is funny and my brain is dumb). Because surely if she was speaking to one of her few surviving children she’d have a different reaction, right? Is it a mental defense to distance herself so she doesn’t get attached? Or does she really feel nothing for them?

She mentions feeling “some affection” toward Hornet, which is interesting, as it suggests they actually interacted at some points, and also makes it more jarring that she never says anything similar about her own children. The Pure Vessel is a broken, “tarnished” object that needs to be replaced, and she has no issue with another one of her children replacing it. Compare this to how she speaks about the Pale King (“my beloved Wyrm”), who she does indeed seem to care about.

But really, the Vessels aren’t her “children”. They’re just her “spawn”, as she calls them. But perhaps it isn’t fair to consider that a fault on her part, because she’s a plant creature. And I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of any plants that exhibit parental care of any kind, unless you get extremely generous with how you define it. She likes making babies, not caring for them. And if you’re a species that makes thousands of babies, it makes sense not to be attached to them all, since statistically, most are gonna die before they get very far. And I can’t see PK convincing her to go through with the Vessel project if she was distraught by merely the thought of it (and she says “there is some shame I feel for my part in the deed”. Some? Some???). I guess what I’m getting at is that there’s no evidence she formed a bond with the Pure Vessel, and that there’s also no particular reason to assume she would have or should have.

The vessels clearly don’t require any parental care to survive, since the protagonist is still going, and by my interpretation the White Lady certainly wouldn’t give any to them, which is interesting, because the Pale King is the one people generally seem to throw the most shit at in regards to being a terrible parent. Which, sure, by human standards? Jesus Christ, the guy’s a trainwreck.

But when you consider the nursery, plus the idea that the White Lady talks about the Pure Vessel not as her child but as an object, which to me drives home her complete lack of maternal anything, the implications are just...

PK had 10,000 kids, was only allowed to keep one, wasn't supposed to treat it like his child but clearly at the very least he wanted to, the kid got attached to him and he was still supposed to be distant so he wouldn't ruin the whole plan and make all that sacrifice for nothing. Puts him in a weird dilemma of having to intentionally be a bad dad to be a good ruler. Probably at some point there were doubts about whether the kid was actually "pure" or "hollow" but he saw no choice but to go along with it anyway, and then the time comes and they contain the Radiance and get sealed in a vault. It would already suck to put your (supposedly only remaining (legitimate)) kid in a box never to see them again, but to do so and then the infection starts up again, confirming the concerns that yes, it was “impure”, it did have feelings because it saw you as a parent, and there's absolutely nothing to be done about it now that they’re locked away by themself? Man, I'd crawl off and erase myself from the physical realm, burying all my shame and regret behind merciless platforming challenges only a very specific type of person would ever be able to access, and hide my deepest, most painful secrets in its darkest reaches before resigning myself to die there, too. He locked himself away knowing that everything he tried to do was ultimately useless, him caring may have been what caused the plan to fall apart, and in the end, he’s a failure as both a ruler and a father.

I can just picture PK trying to figure out a way to deal with the Radiance using Void and realizing that void can mold itself to whatever shell it’s put in. But the void creatures he’s made aren’t strong enough for that. It’s gotta have more physical integrity, be something with an actual body. But also, void kills living creatures from too much exposure, and whatever creature it is can’t have its own pre-existing thoughts or will, and he couldn’t just ask his own subjects to volunteer themselves for something that experimental, especially if they’re the ones he’s trying to protect. And just the potential horror of that gradual realization of what does start out with no thoughts or will and has a shell that can be hollowed out and inhabited by void and could be trained to be strong enough to contain the Radiance, something they can get as many as they need to get one that works. 

Imagine him having to pitch that to the tree wife. Like “Okay, hear me out, I don’t like this idea but I don’t know what else to do anymore. We’ve gotta put our unborn children in the Abyss to be consumed by the Void so they’ll hatch as empty Vessels and hopefully one of them will be strong enough to make it to the top, and we can use that one to stop the Radiance.” And she’s just like “Alright, then let’s get to it.”

FUCK, dude.

The Last Phoenotopia Blog Update

(Date 2021 MAR 01)

I debated how to open this blog post, but perhaps the main crux of this blog post is the best place to start. The blog is being retired.

The purpose of this blog was to be a "development" blog for Phoenotopia, and well, Phoenotopia's development is done. I'll still be doing bug fixes and maintenance on the PC and Switch versions, and playstation and xbox ports are underway (by a publisher). But I'm not going to be making any more major changes to the game. At some point, you put the paintbrush down and say it's done. Blemishes and all.

Recent Events

The game launched on Steam last month, and like any launch, it was hectic. Bugs Galore. This is our first commercial PC launch, so it was a real baptism by fire. Unlike Switch's one configuration, the PC has multiple configurations and factors to account for. The game needed to be able to handle multiple control schemes, screen resolutions, refresh rates, and more! I had a 60Hz monitor going into launch and didn't know anything about Hz (I do now). There was a troublesome stutter that some players were sensitive to that my whole team didn't notice since our eyes compensated it away. There were a few times where in fixing something at one party's behest, it introduced problems for another party. A few times, due to disorganization, I unwittingly rolled back a fix that was meant to be applied. For some, the game couldn't play at all (really glad Steam allows refunds).

It was messy. It was tiring. I.AM.BEAT.

I think the worst of it is over... I'll still be around to do the last updates and bug fixes, but I'm ultimately ready for what's next.

SO what is next?

What isn't next... is Phoenotopia 2. As you may have heard down the grapevine, the game couldn't be what you call successful. No one's earned even minimum wage on it.

Maybe there's hope in the game's long tail. A year or two down the line... maybe. I won't hold my breath though. At some point in the past few months, I finished processing (or grieving) and it's time to move on.

The game has at least earned enough for us to continue our modest operations. As long as we don't expand the team, and we don't take another monster six-year dev cycle like what Phoenotopia took, we can continue. We'll have to be smarter and faster. Perhaps the most valuable thing we gained from all this is experience.

The Experience

It is a dev blog. Here are some of the lessons I've accumulated from this game's development.

- Have a good menu design. Menus aren't just that in-between fluff before you get to the good stuff. Menus are KEY. Your menus need to be robust, expandable, and *understandable* (to you, the developer). Because once the game's out, you will invariably be asked to add more options. And if your menu design is bad, every time you have to add a new menu option, it becomes a whole new pain all over again. Support mouse from the get-go, etc.

- Focus on features that people will actually care about. For instance, I've never seen anyone praise the camera's zoom feature. In practice, people try that feature a few times and then never use it again. But that feature was a constant consideration factor for every level. Run through it multiple times to make sure the level didn't break, think about which zoom levels made sense, resize rooms because they worked at one zoom level but not the other, and so on.

- Don't do boxes that you can move around. Other 2D platformers avoid movable boxes because they're a huge headache to program and they really complicate the game space. Enemies need to respond to boxes you throw in their path and either navigate around or attack it. When you're moving the box, you have to worry about constantly changing your collision size and reconciling when the box gets snagged on the environment. The boxes were also a constant source of bugs because people can manipulate them to soft-lock themselves and more.

- More focused script. Phoenotopia's 100,000+ word script was panned more for being bloated than it was praised for being lengthy. Long scripts take a long time to write and make the game more unwieldy, increasing the costs of translation and upkeep. Every update we're addressing some textual error or mistranslation. There are some highly renowned games (e.g. Hyper Light Drifter) that do without a script at all!

- Be flashy! A bat and a lightsaber take the same amount of work to program, but the lightsaber will draw a lot more attention and interest.

- Slopes, surprisingly! Six years ago when I started, Unity was ill-equipped for 2D games. If you used the physics that Unity provided you'd have a really floaty character that wouldn't adhere to the slope when going downhill. There were a hundred different tutorials saying different things (use forces, use move position, use translation, etc). You can get rectangular collisions done in a day, but to do slopes took weeks. Meanwhile, games can actually get by fine without slopes. Most people won't even notice. Did you know the Phoenotopia flash game didn't have slopes? Neither does Hollow Knight or Rogue Legacy. You can save yourself a lot of work by avoiding slopes.

(big entities look weird on slopes. Bad slope!)

I could write enough little knowledge nuggets like this to fill a book! But I'd rather just make the next game. 

So… what IS next?

As mentioned previously, it's not Phoenotopia 2. Pirate and I are mostly just tossing some ideas back and forth right now. We'll go silent for a year (or two). Our next game's scope will be more modest in some ways, more ambitious in others. It will definitely be more smartly designed. (There will be a map!)

We'll announce it when it's ready for the public. It might be necessary for us to do a kickstarter. I've tried to avoid kickstarters having been burnt on quite a few myself and also because I worry that mismanaging a kickstarter would earn the ire of backers.

But I did keep this blog regularly updated for six years. So I've gained some confidence in my abilities to at least manage a kickstarter well.

Is it really the last Phoenotopia Blog update though?

Okay, not really. There is some news that I'll need to announce, and this blog is one of the game's main outreach channels. Here are the events that will cause me to update the blog:

Announcing the launch of the xbox/playstation ports when they're ready

If a physical edition of the game happens

If a new language is getting introduced into the game (Korean is a high possibility)

When we're ready to talk about our next game

If (BIG IF) we begin development on a Phoenotopia sequel. I do want to do a sequel one day if we have the means and the demand is there. 

Those updates will be more on a "when they happen" basis, rather than me reporting in every couple months.

Fan Art

As always, I'm very happy to see fanart of Phoenotopia. Major thanks again to Pimez for collecting all the artwork from the corners of the internet! Since this is the "last" blogpost, Sir Pimez can finally take a rest from collecting the fanart :P

ÆV made a series of pictures that tell a story. A Pooki is humanely sheared of its wool to create a hat. The Pooki is unharmed. Nice! Gotta love Gail’s expressions.

Amagoo Mazeru makes a stunning landscape shot of a full moon and shooting stars. It’s a sharp and clear vector art. I like the faint glow of the moon and the fire and the subtle gradient in the night sky. Very skillfully done!

Hah hah. I got a chuckle out of this one. I imagine this is how Gail's enemies see her by the end of the game. CaESar made this image based on TerminalMontage's famous youtube videos. Nailed it!

CrownStar drew two pictures of Gail. I'm a big player of JRPGs, so the first shot instantly reminded me of Persona 4's art style. (Hmmm... Phoeonotopia as a JRPG... there’s potential there...) Next, Birdy is shown carried off after her defeat. I really like Birdy's expression here - she just seems mildly uncomfortable.

There's a bit of a story behind the first image. As Firanka shares it, she wasn't able to defeat the Big Eye monster at the end of the flash game, so she believed a tall tale that what awaited after was a 6 armed Kobold boss. Hilarious! The second is a rendition of the lonely Anuri elder. A rare subject. The loneliness is portrayed well here. I feel lonely just looking at it!

Koo_chop draws the clash between Gail and Katash at the top of the towers. I really like this interpretation of the game's art style. It’s faithful to the in-game graphics. And the lighting, from the glow of Gail's bat, to Katash's sword, and the lightning in the background... Amazing!

Lime Hazard shows Gail with a salute pose. Very appropriate for this occasion. I also like how there's a slight tilt in the angle that Gail is portrayed. Those dynamic angles are always hard to get right, and Lime Hazard pulled it off very skillfully. See you next mission!

Lyoung0J with a digital painting of Gail posed sitting on a rock. I like how it almost seems like she was caught in a candid moment - she’s smiling, but also feeling self-conscious. Cute! The art style really pops, and I like how Gail is sporting what I call the old anime style nose. 

MyUesrNameIsSh*t with a sketch of Gail performing a skillful slingshot. I like how Gail is depicted with her tongue out in a mischievous manner, the way all mischievous people with slingshots do.

Niitsu Kentaro returns with a 2021 Happy New Year picture. That happened didn't it? A New Year... Gail's pose gave me a chuckle with how she seems to be waving the bat around as casually as one would wave hello. And "Phoenotopiyear"... Well said! One day we'll have our Phoenotopiyear...

Ochan Nu breaks all records with a stunning NINE pictures in one session :O

There's so many goodies here. My favorite would be the one with Gail staring intently at the screen - it's like she's looking directly at you. You almost feel uncomfortable.

Next, there's an Animal Crossing villager dressed as Gail and sporting her pink hair. It even looks like a house Gail would live in. Gail is a connoisseur of the arts and likes Mona Lisa. Yes :)

There are various comics of Gail pointing out Gail's weird food habits. A picture of Fran looking really cool, and even Gail rocking a bathing suit. (bathing suit image linked here in case NSFW). Wow!

Pimez didn't just collect the arts, he creates them as well! This one, which he aptly named 'The Year 175' is a depiction of when the dragons invaded the towers as told by an elderly Daean woman. Great pixeling skills! I got a good chuckle from the ice dragon leaving with its stuff slung over its shoulder.

Quo made a stunning picture of Gail playing the flute surrounded by the 5 musical notes and the Phoenix logo behind her. The theme seems to be "fire" and it works really well. Gail herself looks awesome depicted in her red suit - it's like she's leading a marching band!

Rai Asuha depicts Gail in the late game with her red suit, and night star bat, and holding a lamp. She looks ready for adventure! I really like the white outline here and Gail's poofy shoulders here - the art style feels reminiscent of Final Fantasy Tactics.

Seri also draws Gail bearing her late game equipment. Unique to Seri's drawing is how all of Gail's equipment is accessible from a pocket on her shirt. I also like how Gail is depicted with her lucky earrings - that accessory is often forgotten.

Treedude depicts Gail with a bat and wearing a funny smirk. She looks like she's ready to hurt someone!

Warotar returns with everyone's favorite Great Drake, Bubbles! It seems so happy to be featured!

I'm really grateful for all the fanart this game has received. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Closing Notes

Pirate drew a picture to mark the occasion. It shows Gail enjoying a hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pumpkin muffin. A rest well-earned...

Goodbye! Until next time!

Cupcake!! Do you listen to music while writing? If yes what kind?

Yes! I absolutely do! I really love music, I’d say it’s secondary to literature as far as my choice of creative input so this is also just my personal recommendations regarding music as a whole with explanations and unwanted commentary because I’m dumb and this is one of my favorite things to talk about.

Firstly, my ongoing(ish) story Beastie and the Bard is musically driven so here are some songs I have on my playlist for that. I tend towards pieces that are melancholy but melodic. Entrancing, perhaps.

Lolita by Ennio Morricone - Contextually, I realize this is a bizarre (even tone deaf) pick given the source material, but... Whatever. This song, in general, just reminds me of Dimitri. Although a heavy, militaristic march might suit him better, the heart rending sound of this song just works for me when I think of him. The piano sets the tone immediately, lingering on some notes in a wistful, sad way. And it is sad, the cello and flute join in to make that clear. But, at a certain point, the instruments begin to dance around together, opening up and almost seeming like they want to resolve the song and create something happier, or at least something bittersweet, only to be drawn back into the uneasy tragedy of the main motif. I dunno, for me, it just absolutely aches like betrayal. 

Shallan’s Lullaby by treefin / Black Piper - This music box rendition of Shallan’s Lullaby from Stormlight was the melodic inspiration for my bootleg lullaby that reader writes for Dimitri (perhaps not the first part as much as the way it shifts around 1:07). It’s haunting.

Isabella’s Lullaby from The Promised Neverland - Pretty self explanatory, I think. This one hits the sweet spot of beautiful and sad, from the harp to the vocals it just fits. 

Howl’s Moving Castle Merry Go Round of Life original and the cover by the Grissini Project - Both versions are incredibly special pieces of music and I’d be surprised if you hadn’t heard this theme before, very good for the more whimsical parts of the story (not that there’s gonna be any more of that).

Shadows of the Lowlands from Xenoblade 2 - While I’m about to recommend this entire soundtrack, this vocal piece is stunning. This guy’s vocals, no joke, sound like a Tolkien Elf. We Are the Chosen Ones is done by the same vocal group and soloist so it’s also making this list although the tone is def a bit different. 

Okay now I’m just gonna point out my favorite soundtracks. For all of these, I have COMPLETELY LEGALLY downloaded most of these from other sites, I’m linking youtube just based on superficial searches to hopefully give you a taste and maybe encourage you to NOT BREAK THE LAW and acquire these soundtracks on your own

Fire Emblem Three Houses - This is obvious and I’m sure you’ve all heard it, but go have a listen if you haven’t. but first, is anyone else disappointed about the Three Houses official release soundtrack? Considering the delay I guess I kinda expected more. Granted, the soundtrack IS phenomenal. Not so much in its entirety, which is emblematic of the game as a whole in some ways, but the set pieces? Unforgettable. This soundtrack is a case study in how powerful a small pool of musical motifs and set-up/pay-offs can be. The little promise of God Shattering Star at the very beginning of the game, Those Who Sow Darkness giving a taste of Shambhala, and then the use of the main melodies of Season of Warfare (Main Theme) and Song of the Nabateans. For the most part, both melodies are used in dramatic songs, creating this unbreakable musical connection between Edelgard and Byleth. Or, if you think about it, Edelgard and the Rhea. For example: the thunder version of Funeral of Flowers doesn’t have the game’s theme, but the rain version does (those two songs were WRITTEN to be layered I stg). And then there’s that somewhat bastardized version of the main theme in At What Cost, highlighting the intended twisting of the usual heroic take on that melody. I do have a potentially unpopular opinion, however. The Apex of the World is boring and tonally dissonant with the final battle in Azure Moon. A lot of people really like Edelgard-Dimitri likes Edelgard! There’s very little heroism in that mission, at least to me, and a song like At What Cost would have fit SO MUCH BETTER. I mean, that is also Edelgard’s theme so hearing that being twisted up into this decidedly more dark song would be thematically appropriate to her ultimate choice. The title also just seems like it suits her and Dimitri. Edelgard claims that she has weighed the cost of war, she believes she is capable of taking on the cost of victory without really knowing what it would be. Dimitri's whole story was him trying to find revenge no mater what the cost and now that he has it, he’s fully understanding what it will cost him. I understand why they would use the traditional hero song to cap the route, but it seems weird that they’d be willing to subvert so many other aspects of tradition while holding to that for a song that, in my opinion, is the least interesting of all the final battle songs. As you can probably tell, At What Cost is a song that is very tonally inspiring to me. I also love Funeral of Flowers (Thunder and Rain separately and layered together), The Long Road, and Roar of Dominion for getting hyped to write.

Final Fantasy VII Remake - Ever since I got this soundtrack, I’ve been addicted. I really don’t have much to say on this one other than just to recommend you give it a listen if you’re even passingly interested in orchestral video game music. There’s some misses for me (specifically the Wall Market stuff and anything that gets into the weird electric guitar/techno stuff) but it’s overwhelmingly fantastic and can work for active listening music and for background music while you write. I’d follow up recommend you get ahold of the Acoustic Arrangements soundtrack. I can’t link you on this one but it’s worth the extra legwork to procure it COMPLETELY LEGALLY. 

Final Fantasy Distant Worlds - I was actually able to see the Distant World’s tour when it swept through Houston and at that point I had no idea what the fuck a Final Fantasy was. At all. However, seeing One Winged Angel live is not something I will ever forget. Ever. This soundtrack is great for some background listening and although it is often too upbeat for my usual tastes, it’s good when I need something easier. Okay. Real talk. I was about to recommend to you a bunch of FFXIV music (the MMO), choice selections from FFXV, and try and dig up some songs that are only available in live recordings. If you like Final Fantasy music, I recommend all of these things. The games are a clusterfuck but the music is even moreso and it’s worth your time if you like this kind of thing.

Xenoblade 2 - See? Told you I was gonna recommend this. Actually, ranking wise, I would say that I like it more than Final Fantasy. This soundtrack is magical. I cannot stress that enough, there is a level of whimsy and beauty that went into this soundtrack that all at once draws upon the genre and being it’s own thing. Like, I get it, there’s a lot of misses. The electric guitar is jarring and annoying. Listen to Sea of Clouds, like, actually listen to it. Listen to Desolation. Pay attention to the motif used in connection with Elysium and then the other songs that its used in. The Power of Jin. This is a sometimes sad but mostly beautiful and whimsical soundtrack that is good for listening and for using as background music. 

Xenoblade 1 - I don’t have as much to say about this one, I don’t feel as if it’s as emotionally resonant as my other recommendations. BUT it is gorgeous. The area themes are wonderful and perfect for setting tone. 

Hollow Knight - Hollow Knight’s soundtrack takes one step back from the drama of the others and revels in its depressive simplicity. There are songs with a more cheerful tone, and the magical whimsy of Xenoblade 2 is very much brought to life in many of the pieces, but for the most part the soundtrack is as gorgeously melancholy as the game itself. One of my favorite things in music is when songs are given new life through new context and the White Palace --> Pale Court transition is haunting. 

Diabolik Lovers - OKAY I KNOW I KNOW hear me out. This soundtrack has no right to be as gorgeous, emotional, or quality as it is. This song, Lovers, is the younger sibling of Lolita’s theme, okay? Thematically, that’s kinda hilarious, but I mean it. If you like that song, give a few of the songs from this OST a chance.

BioShock, BioShock 2, and BioShock Infinite - BioShock 1&2 are different from Infinite. A lot more grungy, a lot more angry and discordant, the strings buzz and there’s a lot more horror to it all. Infinite, on the other hand, is very pretty. Infinite’s soundtrack is about the characters and their journey and feelings. The first two game’s soundtracks are about the ruined city of Rapture. It depends on what you’re in the mood for. I write using Infinite’s music more often, but there’s pieces in the first two that capture this empty, yearning feeling that is good for setting mood.

Pathologic - “Half Life’s soundtrack directed by Genghis Khan.” It’s bizarre. It’s grungy. 

Void (Typrop) - Basically the same deal. I dunno man, I like being inspired by horror.

Outlast - It’s an orchestral horror game soundtrack. Like the game itself, there’s a lot of horror movie inspiration. 

Dishonored 1 and Dishonored 2 - This is mostly background music. It’s a stealth game so it’s kinda uneasy, but I think there’s something really unique. Maybe the instruments? There’s a lot of weird sounds used. 

Higurashi - This is a compilation of horror themed songs from the anime soundtrack, but the VN soundtrack and the non-horror stuff is pretty good, too. Michishirube is my favorite.

Madoka Magica Rebellion - The main anime soundtrack is gorgeous. The bells, the strings, the drama... I’m recommending Rebellion specifically because it’s the more cohesive and story-driven soundtrack. This one is not as horror-ish and weird than the others, it is very beautiful and nice to listen to. Sad, in some parts, too. 

Code Geass and Resurrection - Brass? Got it. Dramatic strings? Got it. Bombastic set piece songs? Triple got it. This soundtrack oozes style. In some ways, that makes it not good for writing, but in others it can. Depends on what you’re writing. I think the melodrama can be incredibly useful for getting my mind in that frenzy state. 

Okay I’m done. Thank you for bearing with me. 

If we’re talking what songs inspire specific things, the Ferdinand piece was accompanied by a lot of the Diabolik Lovers soundtrack and Final Fantasy. When I wrote my sad Felix piece, it was all about Hollow Knight with a spot of Bloodborne and Dark Souls.  

Daminette December Day 4: Gaming

——————————————————————————

Everyone on twitch knew, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was a beast at every game she played. From multiplayer ones like Ultimate Mecha Strike III to indie ones such as “Hollow Knight” she was a goddess. Her KD ratio on “Call of Duty Modern Warfare” was 100:0.

She played under an alias, Ladybug. Not once did she show her face. All of her viewers told her to go pro, make some real money playing the games that she loved so much. But everytime she saw someone suggest that, she’d wave it off saying, “Gaming is a hobby for me. If you really want to support me, buy merch or commission me for some clothes. For those who don’t know, I run a website called ‘Miss Fortune’ and it would greatly support me and my dreams if you would check it out!”

It was true Marinette loved gaming, but her passion would always be fashion. Once her website was announced, Marinette received so many commissions from her followers, that she no longer had the time to do the free labor her class would always ask if her. She was busy and was making her dream come true they should be happy for her... right?

Wrong.

“Mariiii,” Alya elongated her nickname, “Could you babysit my sisters and Chris, please?”

Marinette sighed, “I’m sorry Alya, I just have too much on my plate right now. I’m working on a comission that will pay me a lot! It needs to be done by Monday, or I won’t be able to get it to the buyer in time for their party. Maybe next time?”

Alya would have said that it was fine, if Lila didn’t open her mouth right when Marinette finished, “Wow! Marinette would place money over her supposed ‘Best Friend?’ As Alya’s second best friend, I’ll take over the duty,” Lila then whispered lowly to Marinette, “because that’s what friends do.”

“Yeah, Girl! Why are you being so selfish?” Alya asked a little annoyed.

“W-what?” Marinette physically took a step back, “S-selfish? But I’ve done nothing but do whatever it is you ask of me?!? The one time I decline a demand from you I’M the selfish one? I have a job, a client, and my pride as a designer on the line. This is much deeper then money, but you,” she pointed an accusing finger at Lila, “wouldn’t know anything about that would you?”

Neither Lila or Alya expected, soft, timid, Marinette to explode the way she did. As the class excluded Marinette from things, she dove farther into her twitch personality. Ladybug, one of the best gamers in the word (according to some), was confident, collected, and focused. Marinette embraced that side of her and slowly grew into her own skin. Lila broke into the fakest crocodile tears she could conjure, “W-why are you so m-mean? I-I just wanted Alya to k-know she could l-lean on me!”

“Bullshit,” Marinette cursed and rolled her eyes, “You know exactly what you were trying to do. And Lila next time, take some acting lessons. Maybe then I’ll even pretend to be sorry. You cry wolf so often that I’ve become desensitized by yours and everyone else’s treatment of me. So if you want to play ball, I just want you to know: I play to win. And I never lose, especially to noobs who don’t even know the mechanics yet.”

After saying that, Marinette left the classroom stunned to slience. Lila tried to call after her, but she was already long gone. Classes had ended right before the confrontation, so Marinette couldn’t be bothered to deal with peasants that lost at games of manipulation. She had much better and productive things she could be doing with her life.

As Marinette made her way home, she had wanted to stream a bit before working on the commission. ‘What to do,’ Marinette had thought to herself, ‘A vlog? Maybe?’

20 minutes of an internal debate later, she had decided to do a vlog (in silhouette of course). The light on the camera signaled it was recording, “What is up my Macaroons? How is everybody doing today?” She stops to read the chat, “Good? I’m glad! Um.... how am I doing? I didn’t have a good day, but now that I’m talking to all of you I’m feeling much better!”

Marinette winked at the camera. She wanted to keep her mind off of the event of earlier, “I got into a fight with one of my ‘best friends’” her fingers curled into quotes, “Turns out she wasn’t worth my time.”

She continued to stream for another 45 minutes before signing off. The second it ended, Marinette began to work on her commission. The piece was for a Tim Drake. When she had first received the request, Marinette assumed the person was asking under a pseudonym. There ways no way THE Tim Drake would want her work... right?

Wrong... again.

Two for two times Marinette wa wrong lately. Unbeknownst to her the Wayne boys had grown a fondness for the goddess behind the screen on Twitch. Tim being the fan boy of the four, commissioned her for the next gala. He wouldn’t shut up about it to the rest, “I’m getting a ‘Miss Fortune’ original!” He would announce loudly to the manor, “She actually took my request!”

“And here I though Ladybug would ignore you, I thought she would’ve thought it to be a prank. Timmy boy lucked out,” Jason released a long breath.

“Can things one and two, shut up while I place an order?” Dick huffed in annoyance. He would try to commission Ladybug for business causal.

None of the boys were into fashion, (besides Damian but they don’t know that) but if it was to support their favorite streamer they would sell their kidney. No one knew the face of Ladybug, however, everyone knew of their skill.

Damian felt an eyebrow twitch at his brothers antics. Damian had been commissioning Ladybug since before she had mentioned it in that video. Admittedly he had no idea who the designer was, Damian always preferred practicality over looks and Miss Fortune had just what he was looking for. Eventually he’d learn just who Ladybug was, after months of commissioning her work she had enough trust in him to allow him the privilege of her name. Marinette. That was what he got. No last name, just Marinette.

Ladybug trusted him enough with a first name, but handing your last name to a stranger on the internet isn’t the best idea. But Damian was on a war path to sniff out just who exactly is Ladybug.

Her twitch channel was pretty popular, she was confident, and always stayed talking to her followers whenever they were sad or upset. Her last stream left him unsettled. Damian didn’t think such an angel could ever be upset at anyone, but guess there was a first time for everything.

A fire was lit under Damian and it would rage until he remedied whatever would distress his angel. This would become a game of “Clue” and Damian never lost anything. To the challenge of finding Marinette he’d say, “Game on!”

——————————————————————————

A/N: I plan on continuing this into tomorrow’s prompt of fire. I hope that’s okay with you guys. Thank you for all the sweet comments, likes and reblogs. All of those things make me motivated to continue, thank you all so much!

@daminette-december2019 @persephonebutkore

Self Indulgent Self Insert Fanfic, Part One

I am sitting in my room, not doing much of anything, (as per usual) when I look up and notice that my mirror has apparently transformed into a solid wall of inky darkness as I’ve been spacing out.

And well- it’s not like I can not poke it, right? There’s a high chance I’ll seriously regret it, if my life has become the isekai it appears to be, but there’s a 100% chance I’ll regret it forever if I don’t touch it, you know?

Everyone always assumes I’m risk averse, that I like to play it safe, but the truth of the matter is I’ve just never found something I really want to take a risk with.

So, I push myself out of bed with a hand and go grab my shoes, because there’s no way in hell I’m touching something that might be a portal with no shoes on. Thankfully, I’m actually dressed for once, rather than being in my bathrobe like usual. 

Once I’ve got my shoes on, I grab my coat from where it hangs by my dresser and walk straight into what used to be my mirror. I hope my parents aren’t too worried by my disappearance. Maybe I’ll be lucky and this will be the kind of isekai that retroactively erases me from existence? That would be kind of nice, to exist without tethers.

The portal (because that’s what it is, I’m pretty sure) feels cool, but not unpleasantly so. Like when you first put on a fleece sweater and it takes a moment to warm up.

If this were a stereotypical isekai story, things would quickly become very unpleasant in this dark void, and some godlike being would reach out to grant me power beyond my wildest imaginings.

I’ve never been one to cave to expectations, though. Not even my own.

The darkness remains cool and comforting, and I continue walking forward because there’s no chance I’m going to turn back now, with so much possibility awaiting me if I only continue long enough.

Eventually, I feel as if I’ve passed some threshold, and something definably changes within me. Can’t say what, though. I’ve always kinda sucked at interpreting what my body is trying to tell me, so I’ll probably have to figure it out on my own.

At some point the darkness and walking grows boring, and so I do what I often do when bored, and curl up to go to sleep. This place isn’t cold enough for me to need a blanket, and I’ve got my coat with me anyway, so I’m fine. Sleeping on hard surfaces isn’t unpleasant, in my opinion, merely a bit annoying, since if you pick the wrong position you’ll inevitably wake up sore.

As always, consciousness takes a while to fade, so I occupy myself with grand imaginings about all the wonderful (and terrible, I’ve got anxiety okay, I can’t help it) things that might await me.

==

When I wake, it’s immediately obvious that something is different. There’s light now, for one, and for two I can feel something soft and organic beneath me. Judging by smell alone… Flowers? Waking up on a bed of flowers in a lit room… Well, I’ve always wished I could live in Undertale, if only so I could chew out the characters for bottling up their feelings so damn much. Hey, maybe if I’m lucky, that one headcanon I have about Sans secretly being a teenager will be right and I’ll be able to flirt with him without it being creepy.

Oh come on, like everyone attracted to dudes and not overly hung up about species concerns doesn’t want to kiss that guy, are you kidding me? Plus, I love puns and I’m depressed, surely we’ll get along.

Oh boy, I’m definitely going to die, huh? Thank fuck for my high pain tolerance and ridiculous resistance to trauma, am I right?

Finally, I open my eyes, because I like to wake up slow and I see no reason to alter my existing routine simply because I’ve apparently been yeeted into my favorite video game. Hey, speaking of favorite video games, will I get to visit Hollow Knight next? No, wait, that would probably suck, wouldn’t it. Ah, well.

The cave is just as beautiful as I always imagined it would be. Though it looked lovely in the game art, there’s truly nothing that can compare to seeing the sight in person, those marble pillars in a half circle around me, that single spot of sunlight in the ceiling far (far, far) above. Not to mention the lovely flowers I’m laying on at this very moment and- there’s a dead body under me, isn’t there. Is Chara going to show up, or am I left to be alone in my head?

Though their narration doesn’t actually start until you meet Flowey, in the game, so I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see.

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

Which human soul am I taking the place of right now? Because I read a fic once where the protagonist wasn’t the seventh, even if it was a fakeout, and I very much do not want to be saddled with the fate of those poor bastards.

Though, maybe I’d be able to talk my way out? There’s no one who’d call me diplomatic, for sure, but I’m pretty great at knowing exactly where to aim an insult to utterly break someone’s spirit. (Unusual skill, I’m aware, but in my defense I was bullied growing up)(I say “growing up” like I’m not still doing it, like I’m not fourteen and trapped in a world where it’s an accepted fact that the protagonist will die, and several times over, too)

My first order of business is Flowey, before I can take the time to freak out, to hold myself tight and weather the sheer panic that Toto, I am not in Kansas anymore.

I get up. I give a last fond look to the beautiful cave I’ve “fallen” into, and I walk to the next room, hoping all the while that I’m not signing my own death sentence.

Once I’m a few feet in, there he is, in all his fucking glory.

Flowey the flower, the soulless remnant of prince Asriel Dreemurr, former hope of the underground, possibly still holder of the ability to control time itself.

Yeah, I’m definitely going to mess with him. Self preservation is for losers.

“You’re a flower with a face,” I say before he can start with his usual greeting. I have it memorized anyway, so it’s not like I’m missing out on anything.

He makes his T-T face, so I know this isn’t how he thought this would go. 

“Wow, human! What gave you that impression?” Ooh, sassy. Literally his only positive trait.

“Well I have eyes, see,” I was planning  to ask him probing questions, but honestly this is just as good. His expression doesn’t change as he says his next sentence, nor does his ever cheery tone, (and holy fuck his voice is just as vaguely creepy as I’d imagined, all that childlike innocence paired with the fact that he’s a mass murderer)

“Well howdy, human with eyes! I’m Flowey, flowey the flower!” He says. I don’t interject.

“You’re clearly new to the underground, and it looks like I’m the only one around to show you how things work around here! Are you ready?” 

…

“I’m really not, to be honest. I’ve got no idea what’s going on,” So my plan here, basically, is to stall until Toriel gets here. Mostly because I’m hoping that if he doesn’t get the chance to do his betrayal, he’ll keep pretending to be nice, which will be hilarious since I’ll know he’s faking the whole time.

Admittedly, this significantly increases the likelihood that Toriel won’t come to save me when he inevitably finds a secluded place to murder me, but if I think too hard about the long term right now I’m going to scream, so.

“Well you see, human, you’ve fallen into the underground, a land inhabited by monsters! Don’t worry though, we’re quite nice,” Oh right, conversation. I wonder how much info I can get out of him…

“What’s a monster? Like, I know what it means on the surface, but that definition is pretty vague, and I don’t want to be accidentally racist,” 

His face pops back to the usual smile. (Side note: his face looks like it was drawn on with sharpie and it’s totally messing me up)

“A monster is a being made of magic!” Ok, that’s… a bit vague, but not really inaccurate. I guess he doesn’t want to get into the science, which is a damn shame, since he probably knows it backwards and forwards due to all his reset shenanigans.

“Woah, cool. Magic is real? How does it work without breaking thermodynamics?” Finally, the question I’ve always wanted to ask. If energy can’t be created, how the fuck does Toriel shoot fireballs from her hands? What is she drawing on, what is the fire burning, how hot is it, how does it keep being on fire, etc. etc. repeat for every magical display in the game.

“Well, a lot of it isn’t super understood. Scientists have mostly been pinning it on ‘dark energy’ like they do with every other phenomenon they don’t totally understand,” I wonder why he’s so willingly entertaining my time wasting antics. I know, in game, he didn’t realize he’d lost control over the timeline until after his first talk with Frisk, so maybe he’s just waiting it out to see where it goes? And then of course he must be planning other things to do with me before he takes my soul and goes to the surface…

“God, I hate dark energy in science. I know they just call it that because not much is known about it, but I’m thirsty for knowledge, you know?” Actually ‘thirsty for knowledge’ describes my mood like 90% of the time. Huh, actually, I have that in common with Flowey, right? Even if his knowledge thirst is just due to boredom.

“Hey, human, me too! Learning new things is great!” There’s a loaded sentence if i’ve ever heard one. When was the last time he learned something new? He’s supposedly read every book in the underground, but how much information from that did he actually retain?

“Isn’t it? It’s why I love Youtube so much. Free information for anyone who cares to make a few clicks!” Wait, he probably doesn’t know what Youtube is, actually.

“What’s Youtube?” He asks, cocking his head.

“It’s a service where you can upload videos or watch videos other people have uploaded,” Not the most nuanced explanation, but it’ll do for now. Before Flowey has a chance to respond, a fireball manifests next to him. 

I don’t smile because I’m pretending to be shocked, but I’m laughing my ass off on the inside. The face he makes is even more ridiculous in person.

Enter Toriel, queen of the monsters, mother of no living children.

Continuing Thoughts on Age of Calamity: I am about 19 hours in at this point and oh man are things going down. Just wanted to record some of my thoughts, theories, reactions, etc... before I get to the last four missions of the story because I’m just thinking about this non-stop and want to share.

Spoilers below the read more, so don’t read if you plan on playing the game. It is a lot more fun to experience in the game than reading it, so just you know, don’t read it.

THE NEW BOTW CHAMPIONS ARE HERE, THE OG CHAMPIONS ARE ALIVE! 

-After the siege of the castle mission that ends with the king's death at the hands of the guardians off screen and the menu music changing to the awesome dark theme and the prompt on the screen saying that Mipha, Daruk, Revali, and Urbosa are trapped in the Divine Beasts, I legitimately cried a little bit. Like I was mostly tearing up because of the bit with Zelda and her father and Link dragging her away, but with the context of BOTW and the Divine Beasts and the Champions having been killed in battle with the Calamity Blights, I was like holy crap, they killed them, they're trapped because they died, but then I started the next chapter and decided to do Urbosa and Revali's first and then it starts and they're both still alive and then we see that Teba and Riju come through and like I lost my shit. I was like WHAT!? IS!? HAPPENING?! I thought that it was a really cool way to get more characters to play as (because this is a Warriors game so the vast array of characters to play as is a selling point) and a cool way to keep the OG Champions from being dead which is depressing. So I got Urbosa and Revali back and then realized what this meant for the other mission, that Mipha would be saved by giant grown Sidon and it was just as cute and sweet as I thought it was going to be. And then them working together on the Divine Beast and teaming up and you can see how much Sidon missed his sister and looks up to her, despite the fact that he is literally ginormous and she is a tiny little thing. It made me tear up. The other champion relationships don't really hit that hard because none of them actually met each other before, but it was pretty funny the bit with Teba and Revali when Revali is once again being an asshole to Link and Teba is just like.... WTF? This is the Rito champion, he's like kind of a di- and Urbosa is like yes, we know. Moving on. Because like damn, they really turned Revali's dick factor way up in this game. Like seriously, bird, can you like chill?

-Anyways, another thing that got me going literally insane was the bit in Hyrule field with Astor and Sooga and Kohga when Astor was like...pulling soul power or something from the Yiga soldiers and like turned it into Hollow Link and when I saw that I was like losing my mind. I don't know why it got me so hyped up, but it did and I'm very excited to battle it out with this dark Link character.

-I just finished the battle at Akkala citadel, which was a pretty cool fight, and going to go into the next battle, something about thunder, so obviously another Divine Beast lead in with Divine Beast support trying to fight off Guardians and monsters and stuff. From the placement, it appears like it'll be near Hateno, and will be involving Urbosa and Vah Nahboris. I don't really care for the Divine Beast levels. They are frustrating to control and the camera movements are annoying and the targeting system just is frustrating. The level with Vah Rudania fighting off the guardians was so annoying, just trying to target the guardians and move around and then I just kept getting stuck on the walls and stuff and the movements are so slow, and it was just like, I don't really care for this at all, thanks... I much prefer the on the ground, quick fighting. Obviously, Link is the most intuitive and easiest to use, he's the highest level, and he's the main fighting character, so he's my favorite to use. I really want to unlock the Hyrule Warriors armor set, so I'm going to have to do a ton of quests and stuff which is a lot, but it will make me keep playing the game for a while, which is good since the game cost sixty dollars. It's fun to play though, so I feel like it's worth it. -Regarding the timeline pieces, I'm really conflicted about the backstory elements that we're getting, and I realize that the moment the eggo was introduced, it set this timeline off into a completely different direction, but it brings up questions for me about the original timeline. We don't really know exactly when the Hyrule Warriors timeline starts out and how far from the Calamity attack it was in the past. I would assume that it wasn't too far in the past, most like like less than a year, maybe less than six months? It's difficult to tell because we don't get a whole lot of context. We are given the information that in this game, the Calamity attack on the castle happens at the same time as in the original timeline, on Zelda's 17th birthday, maybe a little sooner, since in the OG, she's coming down from Lanayru with Link and in this one, I think she's leaving the castle to go to Lanayru when the attack happens. But when did everything else happen? How long has Link had the Master sword and been the chosen knight? He's been following Zelda in this timeline since eggo was introduced, but he was still "just a knight" at that point, even if he was a really good and talented one. But wouldn't that mean that he activates his power in Korok forest like barely anytime before the Calamity attack? I mean I guess in the OG timeline, we can kind of get hints that Link hasn't been chosen for a super long time, since Zelda questions him about how confident he is with the Master Sword and can he hear the voice, and is a bit more antagonistic with him, so he probably hadn't been doing that for a super long time either, but it does feel like he's had it longer in the OG timeline memories compared to here when he gets the Master sword and then like two missions later Ganon is popping up at the castle. I mean, it wouldn't make sense really to drag things out a super long time, so I understand that having a bunch of extra cut scenes and missions that aren't super plot relevant would be kind of weird, especially with this Astor dude's involvement, he would want to push things along. But the Ganon attack still happens the same time as the OG timeline, so all of these things happen within the same amount of time. I don't remember in the OG timeline if we ever got any details about how Link awakened his power. I do like how they did it in this version, how it was like a parallel to how Zelda awakened her power protecting Link, which gave me all the Zelink feels, but I just want canon backstory for the OG timeline, you know? We know that this timeline isn't canon for the OG timeline because of eggo being involved, so we can only really pull character elements from this timeline rather than specific plot elements. I also wondered about Impa since she is there kind of escorting Zelda in most of the missions, but was only in BOTW as an old lady, which is fine because they likely hadn't have developed that into the story at that point, but I also think maybe since Link in AOC hasn't become the chosen knight until later, he wasn't seen as capable or trustworthy enough to be her sole escort knight and wanted to keep Impa around for additional protection or something. I don't know, doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but whatever. I'm also trying to remember... when did the Champions get their champion clothes? Does Link have the blue tunic on in all the memories? I'm pretty sure that one of the first memories is that depressing one where Zelda is like knighting Link or something in the gazebo thing in front of the castle, but I can't remember the order... It's just all so confusing and I'm sure I'm deeply overthinking everything and that they're kind of just like retconning elements, but like what does it all mean? I mean maybe... maybe... since Zelda remembers the eggo in her like baby dream memory in that one cut scene, maybe that means eggo was also sent way back in time to the beginning of her life, so this timeline is deeply changed from the beginning of her life, so while the initial difference weren't super evident, just some small things, once they got to later in the timeline and all the Master sword/Champion stuff, it really just like threw everything in the air. I don't know why it bothers me so much, I think it's just me Zelink heart wanting Link and Zelda to have more time together when it's not just crazy monster fighting sad Zelda all the time like in the AOC cutscenes. In BOTW, we get these soft little memories of Zelda and Link researching in the field and riding horses and stuff and like yes the ever present concern about Zelda's power and Ganon is there in the memories still, but it feels more intimate and slow and down to earth. I think it's also because in several of the memories, it's just them two, and in AOC, there hasn't really been any memories with just the two of them together, so it has a different feel to it. I liked in BOTW, the stories in Zelda's diary about talking to Link about his destiny and why he doesn't talk and how he feels the weight of this title and it keeps him silent and it gave Link this interesting depth and emotion that you couldn't really see without that, and then in the AOC, there are some little moments where you see Link having a scrap of emotion, tiny smiles he gives to Zelda, serious face, confused, happy to eat stuff, but most of his moments are the little grunts and blank stares that he gives. Like seriously? Zelda's father just died, she feels like it's all her fault and Link's response is a tiny smile and a "huh". Like yes, there are dynamics with them, she's a princess, he's a knight, he's protective of her and doesn't push her boundaries or whatever, but like just hug please. I loved that memory in the forest in BOTW where she just collapses into his chest and he holds her and we see this pained expression on his face and it's like yes please give me more not lobotomized Link. Like I know this sounds like complaining, because it is, and like I do understand they want Link to kind of be this blank slate, character insert type of character, but give him something please! 

-I'm hoping we get some good content in these last few mission cut scenes. I'm getting down to the last few missions, only four left, and looking at the chapter titles, which is the only spoilers that I have allowed myself, I'm like, okay, what is going to happen next. And like I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that we win and the bad BOTW timeline ending is subverted and Ganon has to go night night, but like who knows, maybe they'll surprise me, but probably not. This is supposed to be a game that you keep playing after you finish the main story, so like killing off a bunch of playable characters and having it end in destruction would be probably not so smart...

-Okay, that's all my current thoughts. I'll be playing more tonight and we'll see if I finish the story tonight, or maybe I'll have to stop myself and take a breather before blasting through the remaining missions. I finished I think three missions(?) last night, and I had a break for dinner, but like I don't work tomorrow, so like, I could probably blast through the last ones, but I'd also still need to do some additional quest stuff in between for level up purposes since I just go through rupees like crazy. Oh my gosh, that reminds me... it is so dang annoying when you get one of those like quest find item marker things that lights up when you have all the items and you're like sweet I'll complete this and as you're pressing the button, out of habit, without super paying attention, you realize it's going to cost like 2,000 rupees or something and it's like... not again! I can't tell you how many times I have done this and it's so annoying. Like warn me if I have to pay rupees, I don't want to use my brain, game! Lol yes, it's my fault, I'm not really mad.

-Okay, the end. For now. TLDR: This game is fun and unexpected, but it is also not BOTW, so don't go into this expecting BOTW mechanics or gameplay. But hey, smashing through tons of enemies is also kind of satisfying too. Also, like the new enemies are wild. Elemental Moblins, Hinoxs, Lynels, Guardians(!), the use of the Elemental weapons is a cool mechanic, and it's cool having some cinematic fight moments, even if it might get repetitive after playing the game for a while, but you also can use a ton of different characters, so there's variety there, I just have yet to leave my boy because he's the easiest to blast through anything and everything, though Impa is pretty cool too, even if most of my moves with her are random button smashes since I don't really have a good grip on how her moves work. At least with Link it's pretty obvious and I've gotten better about actually having some sort of strategy with how he works, the other characters I haven't played enough to have any sort of knowledge on how they work. Also Zelda's moves are not fun to play at all, sorry, but they're just annoying and useless. Also Daruk is bad at fighting Hinoxes. Okay, now, the end.

Two Ghosts (2/2)

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: It becomes too hard to deal with Steve’s past.  

Word Count: 2329

AN: Here’s the second part as promised! I hope you guys enjoy! Thank you for reading, it means the world to me.

Warnings: some angst, swear words, mentions of sexy time

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He wasn’t sure what just happened, his brain not being able to process how his sweet and loving girlfriend could just walk out on him. How you could throw away the last few years of your amazing life together. 

Sure he went whenever Sharon had called, but he had explained his and Sharon’s relationship to you before. You had taken no issue with it, he even saw a glimmer of pride in your eye. And as for Peggy, well, he couldn’t help it. There would never be a him and Peggy, and he mourned for the life he never got to live. 

You had been patient and understanding for as long as he could remember. There was never a warning before the storm, he never got to brace himself for the worst when it already swept past. Leaving nothing but devastation in your path.

Animosity festered as he replayed the last few minutes. If that’s how you felt, then so be it. He’s lived without you before, and he can do it again. 

~~

It starts out simple. It’s already been a week since he last saw you that fateful night. He had heard from Bucky the grapevine that you had moved in with a close friend and seemed to be doing well. 

It irks him to no end that you got to leave. That he’s still trapped with reminders of a happier life. The sheets still smelled like you, the fridge was still stocked with your favorite yogurt, the mail was still delivered with your name on it. It was getting ridiculous at this point, he couldn’t  even take a shower in peace anymore, your shampoo bottle stares him down. 

Memory of you is everywhere, and every time he looks, his gut clenches. He didn’t notice it at first, but he figures his new found aversion to Ben & Jerry’s is because you’re not there to sneak bites of it any more. 

He hates the stupid throw on the couch. The one that would wrap both of you on netflix binges. The one he would cover you with when you fell asleep on the couch, convinced that this would be the time you could stay up and wait for him to get home from a mission. 

He hates walking into his room and seeing one side of the bed perfectly made. He hates laying in it more, not feeling your warmth besides him, or hearing your slow, rhythmic breathing. It lulled him to sleep just knowing you were safe besides him. Some nights it’s difficult to get in without promise of panting breaths and heated kisses that always turned into an explosive more. He sleeps now on one side, flat on his back, imagining the other side doesn’t exist. Sleep is no longer a friend. 

He hates the clothes that you left in the closet. He hates the pictures of your bright, smiling face on the walls. He hates the plants that he forgets to water, their wilting without you, not unlike him. 

He hates just about everything, but he can’t bring himself to throw any of it away. He tried to toss out your favorite tea one day and ended up sobbing on the floor with it curled in his arms. He likes to think that he was just tired that day, but even he knows that’s a lie. 

He hates that your not there.

But like the soldier he is, he keeps trudging on. 

~~

Half a month after, life is muted. He never noticed how barren social interactions were without you. 

Movie nights at the tower had lost their appeal without your legs tangled with his, whispering or giggling the whole time. Game nights were no fun when you weren’t by his side, cheating at monopoly, giving him that smug smile all the while. Even meals with the team were no longer as appetizing. Food was better eaten while listening to your teasing banter with Bucky and Sam, hand drawing patterns discreetly on his thigh the entire time.  

There had never been a duller fundraising event than the one he attended two nights ago. He had no one to laugh at his awkward jokes in the speech he had to give. No one would make fun of the stuffy business men and their trophy wives with him. And no one to go home with at the end of the night, leaving a trail of clothes to the bed.  

~~

He’s not sure what possessed him to go. He was writing reports of the latest missions, ignoring your stationary on the desk, when his phone had gone off. Sharon’s ringtone. He honestly couldn’t tell you what she had needed him for. 

Somehow he had ended up knocking on her apartment door. It felt wrong, like he was betraying you. He hasn’t seen you in 2 months at this point, but it didn’t matter. Your words fresh in his head, swirling around and drowning out his own thoughts. 

“Steve?” the blonde asks from the entryway. He hadn’t even notice the door open. 

“You ok?” she tries again. Sharon had never seen him look worse. His hair was long and greasy, had he taken a shower this week?-beard too full, needing to be trimmed. It was his eyes that really worried her. Gone was the sparkle, they looked dimmer, hollow. Like they saw right through her. 

“Fine.” he answers before pushing past her and into the apartment. Voice monotone. 

She watches as he all but drops himself on to the couch, like his legs couldn’t hold him up anymore. Blue eyes roamed around the apartment, unseeing of his surroundings. He had yet to smile or tease her about the mess on the coffee table. 

“What did you need again?” he snaps, annoyed at her staring and yearning to get back to the apartment faster. Back to all that he had left of you.

“Are you sleeping?” she asks, eyebrows furrowed in concern. The blue and black bags under his eyes answers that question for him. 

“I told you I was fine. Just leave it.” he says flatly. Hands grab the first packet he sees, trying to remember what she had asked him to do. 

“Steve. Please talk to me.” she implores, moving to sit on the other end of the couch. Afraid that he would feel trapped if she got too close. “You’re scaring me.”

He lets out a huff and runs a giant hand over his unkempt face and back through his hair. “She left me.” he whispers looking up at the ceiling. 

A beat passes. She almost thinks he’s pranking her, but his expression stays somber. Eyes watering and breathing unsteady, he looks like a shell of the man she knows. 

“What happened?” she stutters. Shock coursing through her. Sure you two had fought before, everyone did. But she didn’t know two people who loved each other as fiercely and wholeheartedly as you two. 

“Something about ghosts.” he mutters, eyes closing to keep the tears at bay. He could never think about the fight without them. 

“And?” she prods.

Finally he looks at her, studying her trained expression. The pity he could feel radiating off of her opens the box he had shut and locked when you left. 

“It was because of you! Are you happy now? Huh?” he gets up and throws one of her pillows. “She said that she couldn’t compete with you anymore. That I was too busy living in the past. You’re the reason she’s gone!” he yells, chest heaving from the effort. 

“Are you done?” her face unmoving. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he sits back down and nods. Silence envelopes them.

“I’m sorry. I just, I kept all that bottled up. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.” he breaks first.

She studies him more, trying to find the right words. “You know, you don’t have to be my knight in shining armor right? I can handle myself, you can say no, contrary to popular belief.” 

He lets out a huff in response. 

“Steve, seriously. I get it, we’re friends and I value that. But I also get that she comes first, I know she does. I’ll stop calling as much, but you have to promise to start saying no to me too.”

“It’s not that easy, Shar.”

“It is. Unless this is about something more?” she inquires, hoping that he doesn’t say what she thinks he’s about to. 

“I… I feel like I owe it to Peggy too.” he admits, voice and body smaller than before. 

“She lived her life Steve.” Sharon starts, trying to be sensitive, but trying to make him see what he’s been missing. “She would have wanted you to do the same. But it’s more than that, Peggy was an infatuation. You didn’t really know her, and I know you think she knew you, but not the same way your girl does. She’s got you memorized from head to toe and loves you, all of you.”

Eyes trained on his clasped hands, he nods slowly. “I know.” 

“Then I think you know what you have to do.”  

~~

The apartment was cold and lonely. Your friend had tried to back out of her date, but you didn’t want her to be like you. Alone. Besides, you didn’t want to hinder her anymore than you already had. You would be forever grateful to her for letting you crash in her spare room. 

Lights flashed in the living room, making shadows on the walls. Some show about cops maybe? Doctors? They tended to all blur together when you didn’t care. Just like all the nights before, it was just background noise to your heartache. 

Who knew that it was basically impossible to get over Steve Rogers? 

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts. Glancing at the clock, it was late enough that it was probably just your friend coming home. She always forgot her keys. Without glancing at the peephole, you threw the door open. “What would you do without me?” you teased.

Instead of your friend, a 6 foot, blond man stood instead. A small smile on his face. 

“Wither away, definitely” he answers. 

You stare up at him in shock. He wasn’t wrong- his face hollowed and sharper than before, eyes drooping. Hair in disarray and bushy bearded as he may be, but he was still your Steve. 

You’re sure you weren’t looking much better, under eye bags that matched his, and hair that was thrown carelessly into a bun. When was the last time you had changed out of your pajamas? 

“Hi.” still too stunned to say anything else. 

“Hi” his face bursts into the first real smile since you left. 

“How did you find me?” 

“Bucky” he answers easily, eyes never leaving yours. 

“I’m going to kill him.” 

He chuckles before sighing, his whole being felt better just being close to you. “Can I come in?” 

Instead of answering, you step to the side and guide him to the living room. He takes a seat and you make sure to leave a spot between you. The heat coming off of him making you bask slightly like a cat. Had you always been cold without him? 

“What are you doing here?” you question, pulling a loose thread on your flannel. 

“I realized what an idiot I was.” he states, hand coming to rest on your fidgeting ones. “I’m here to fight for the love of my life.”

Your lips curl up slightly on their own accord. Eyes meet his, and you melt. You no longer felt numb. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s always been you, I’m sorry I couldn’t see it before.” and your heart could burst at his words. 

“What about Sharon?” you ask, voice small. 

“We’ve made a deal. She’ll call less, only when she really needs me. And I’ll say no more.” 

“That’s not what I want. I still want you to be friends. I just need to know that you’re not going to run off on me every time.” you say sternly. Sharon was a big part of his life, one of your friends even. 

“I promise. You’ll always come first.” he vows.  

“And, Peggy?” your hands squeezing his when you say her name. 

“I’ve grieved long enough. It’s time I start to live my life, see what’s right in front of me. Trust me when I say I love you more than I can even express. More than anyone, and more than her.” His eyes conveying his conviction. “I know I said she was a part of me, and she is. But you’re all of me.” 

The smile that lit up your face was blinding and beautiful, Steve could feel his soul start to mend back together. Tears sprung to your eyes and fell, but his thumb wiped them away. 

“I love you too.” you breathe. And without hesitation you kiss him. Long and slow- toe curling, all consuming good. 

~~

“You know, I’ve been gone for two months, but this place looks like I left yesterday.” you tease. 

Steve comes through the door with your suitcases and coughs. His cheeks warm as he looks around. Everything left where you had last set it. 

“I had some issues getting rid of it.” he says, clearly embarrassed.

“I know, Bucky told me how you hard you cried when you tried.” you laugh. 

Steve instantly turns red and stutters, “That jerk!”

Hands slide around his waist and you tuck your head under his chin. Like they belong there, he’s arms wrap around you- steady and strong. 

“It’s ok, I cried too. He just told me that to make me stop.” you giggle. Those two months seeming like a different lifetime ago already. 

He sways the two of you from side to side gently, not ready to let go yet. Every now and then pressing kisses to your temple. 

“You do belong here with me.” he states.

“I really do.”

Tags:

@lovesteverogersbaeworld @rororo06 @nushie-writes

Answering a bunch of questions under the read more, you know the drill

I’m a traitor. I ended up picking Sobble because out of the final evolutions his design was the one I liked the best. I still haven’t beat the game but I like the old silver fox-looking dude who runs the fire gym.

You’re my favorite anon!

Was there a tv series? I could write for the movie but if there is anything specific to the series then I wouldn’t know about it.

Yep, that’s why I used them as an example when I made my post about not writing porn of characters who never appear as adults in canon. The turtles have been adults in enough media that I am okay with writing nsfw for them.

I’m a fake gamer girl because I never played final fantasy 7 (FF9 was my first and therefore favorite) but anon you are valid.

Thank you! Happy holidays to you too!

Any character voiced by Keith David is immediately sexy and Elisa is the only cop on this bitch of an earth that I respect.

Yeah dude I’ve seen both. It’s been a while since I watched either one but as far as I remember they were both good and the songs slapped.

I only have one post but you can find it in my Trying Human tag here: https://rocksinmuffin.tumblr.com/tagged/trying-human

I’ve said this multiple times now and am probably starting to sound like a broken record, but this is all thanks to nsfw ban from last year.  Anything tagged nsfw (or even if there’s a curse like shit or fuck somewhere in the tags) do not show when you use the search function.  The way around this is to type in the url for the tag you want like I did above.

However, I think there is also something more to that because that yandere Getaway sequel I wrote here: https://rocksinmuffin.tumblr.com/post/189661134998/continuation-of-the-yandere-getaway-scenario does not show in my Getaway or yandere tag (at least not when I search it on any of my devices) though it is still clearly on my blog.  It’s not even nsfw but even so the workaround includes nsfw results so I don’t know what is going on. Tumblr is shit yo.

Ahhh I’m sorry fam, I don’t know for sure. Despite being a request blog I don’t follow more than maybe one or two myself. You can check my promo tag though and maybe someone on the list will be open to bw requests. https://rocksinmuffin.tumblr.com/tagged/promo

Thanks I like big stupid men and DBZ has some of the biggest and stupidest around.

He’s a good boy!!!! I have a Low Key Form one on my main team and I love him.  Poison and Electric is such a weird combo but I am digging it.

This is already on my masterlist.  While I am interested in Hollow Knight, I still haven’t played it so I can not write for it.

I’m... I’m not sure why you think requests are open???  My blog says requests are closed in several places so I am not sure I understand the confusion.  Maybe because a couple of requests I answered had the anon mention they were open?  Because they were when the request was made forever ago lol.

If you aren’t sure if my blog is open for requests or not, when in doubt, check my header.  That is the first thing I change when requests are open or closed.

As for the fandoms, sorry but I do not write for Doctor Who or Star Trek.  Doctor Who I just could never get into and Star Trek I have only seen a little here or there; it’s cool but I haven’t seen enough of any series to write for it.

Anon.... why...? Why would you want this?  WHY????

Real talk though I have yet to see the movie but I have seen off-Broadway versions of the musical twice and I STILL have no idea what CATS is about.

Listen... I was raised in the 90s and those movies were a much as my childhood as any Disney movie.

I never saw the original but I owned a vhs copy of Feivel Goes West as a child and that and Rockadoodle were two of my favorite childhood movies asdfghjkl. I don’t think anything of Cat R. Waul though, he’s a bitch.

Yes and he looks cute now. I might actually go see it.

I haven’t!  I still need to watch the first season!  It looks cute I just haven’t made the time yet but I’ve heard good things.

Made in Abyss X Smash Ultimate:

(DLC Wishlist/Discussion)

This one was just for fun and shouldn’t be taken completely serious otherwise we’re all gonna lose our humanity. As much I’d love to see Made in Abyss somehow miraculously get into Smash, I am well of how impossible it is.

Ok, we all knew what was coming, no bother denying it; you joke about DLC, you might as well spill the beans and say what you really want. I’ll make it clear that of course, I don’t want Waluigi, he’s an assist trophy and at his core a rather dull character in the face of his brother. Steve holds no strong attachment from me since I do not play Minecraft and I feel like his moveset wouldn’t interesting enough to warrant my attention,(basically a 3D G&W). 

Now that’s settled with, let’s discuss who I truly want for DLC despite the stupidity of it:(Left to Right)

1.) Ratchet & Clank: This game holds a special place in my heart for being one of the first game I’ve ever played and one of the only franchises where I faithfully played through every game in the main series, even some of the spin-offs. The amazing characters, brilliant writing, great stories, fun/engaging gameplay, and vast and creatively deadly variety of weapons. I’d go on all day about why I love this series so much and why the movie disappoints me so much,(I will say the remake was fun though). Now to move potential he’s got everything a fighter can ask for: 

His omniwrench would the staple of his melee attacks on both air and ground,(with any one of his shotguns/whips as smash attacks). His dash attacks could incorporate the Razor Claws.

Recovery (Up B) is an easy pick, just use Clank heli-pack to gain sufficient height than slowly glide down for a period of several seconds over a far horizontal distance. Drawbacks being wind-up time and having no defensive qualities.

Grapples would be simple tethers and throws with Omniwrench.

Neutral B would simply a blaster shot with minimal flinch damage that continues fire if held.

Side B would definitely be his signature boomerang wrench throw, homing in on Ratchet on its return and doing decent knockback with either hit.

Down B would have clank throw of his time spheres down talk cause a 5 second AoE that slows down opponents caught in the blast while dealing zero damage or knockback.

Their Final Smash would see Ratchet calling his ship to strike his opponents, sending them hurtling into space to be bombarded by various weapons in their arsenal before getting by clank in his giant form.

Ratchet’s skins can be all of his default outfits through the serious ending with a robot version of in reference to Dr. Nefarious’s evil scheme.

The stage would be Metropolis city on Kerwan.

2.) Rayman: This one is a bit more realistic than the last one seeing the series has had strong ties with Nintendo consoles and even sporting a Rayman Spirit in-game,(take that as you will, at least it’s something). Rayman also falls under the nostalgia factor, but nowhere the extent of Ratchet since I was pretty late to the series,(My favorite game being Legends). No doubt he’s one of the higher picks among Smash players and I can see why; he’s funny, energetic, a great platformer/fighter, and has a truly unique/iconic character design. 

I’m not too familiar with the entire series though, so keep it basic with the moveset:

Rayman is a fast lightweight fighter that primarily uses melee attacks such as fast punches and kicks on both the ground and in the air. His smash attacks would be moderately slow wind-up punches and kicks with exceptional knockback and range. Dash attacks would have him spinning forwards at high speeds with little damage and knockback, but great for setting up a brief stunlock.

His grapple is a far-reaching chain arm tether with decent throwing power.

Recovery is a simple helicopter hair flight with similar mobility to Krool, but deals no damage and goes much higher.

Neutral would have him shooting burning fists at his enemies and can be charged up for increased power.

Side B has him rapidly shooting from his plunger gun, which can be a great edge guarding tool.

Down B turns one of his hands into a guided missile that will extremely powerful, leaves vulnerable to attack.

Final Smash has him uppercut the nearest players sending them to a zone where they’re dog-pilled by all his friends before unleashing a synchronized charged strike sending them flying into the stars.

The stage will be set in the Rabbids colosseum, where the audience holds signs and banners representing characters and series. 

Rayman's colors would be based on the many characters of the series.

His taunt will feature a lum.

3.) Okami, Amaterasu: Ok this is sure to please many fans since she’s quite often requested and very popular on her own. She also has a much higher chance than the rest since she’s a part of Capcom like Ryu/Megaman. Personally speaking though, I want her to join for the sake of how amazing and artistically beautiful the game the is. The mythology, characters, story, music, art style, and the gameplay just screams traditional Japanese culture/painting in the best way possible.

I list the moveset down here, but someone else already did a much better job than I ever could. @panaran

3.) Hollow Knight: Ok this steps far down in terms of likely solely because it’s an Austrailian indie game. Otherwise, this would be one of the biggest crowd pleasures in the line-up. A legendary title for its striking animation, unique world/story, deep lore, magnificent soundtrack, and memorable/diverse cast of characters. I love for all these reasons, but I truly support cause it’d represent to the newest milestone in gaming history, indie studios.

I’d go over moves again someone also solved that problem for me.

4.) Kid Icarus Viridi: Of all the characters, she has the most right to be a playable character. She and her home franchise are so deeply rooted in Smash that they literally are the commentary for the game. Don’t say no moves cause Palutena was never playable in their game, but she still got in. And about her being on a stage, Chrome is a Final Smash and piranha is a stage hazard. Mii costumes also don’t prove anything since many characters have them. This would also be the first in-person appearance she’ll make in any game, something she was denied in her in Kid Icarus Uprising. Personally, however, I want Viridi cause she’s basically the Peridot,(Steven Universe), or the Max,(Camp Camp), of Nintendo. The sassy, cynical, and destructive little gremlin that talks shit to everyone but in end is a complete tsundere with an adorable nerdy side and heart of golden amber beneath her thorny exterior. 

(Not my waifu, goddess or not, she’s a ‘child’ and I am 19, it’d be messed up)

Her moveset would be difficult to decipher since she doesn’t fight in-game, but I can draw up a few ideas

Viridi won’t be as angelic/divine as Palutena, preferring to walk and run in a more grounded manner with a trail of plants sprouting behind her as she moves. She’ll be one of the lightest characters in-game due to her small stature, making her very nimble but easy to launch.

She’ll be more we versed in melee than Palutena, incorporating her staff/agility into her fighting style. Using many fast and disjointed blows at once like Mii swordfighter, but her smash attacks would instead unleash vines from the ground that would strike opponents.

Her grapple would be a vine tether she could use to constrict/launch enemies.

Her Recovery would be another vine tether that goes farther and does higher damage than Ivysaur.

Neutral B she’d fire a lightning blast at her opponents,(a reference to her ally Phosphora).

Side B Viridi would slash forward sending a small twister that can launch enemies,(Slower and larger Mii Sword)

Down B is a parry using Clobbler in a similar manner to Toad.

Final Smash is, of course, a rush down that sends foes into ground-zero of a Reset Bomb strike.

Taunts will be her making witty remarks and poses, often times waving her staff around like a wand.

So that’s my wishlist, do you like and if you have a character for smash. By all means, share it with me in the chat or reblog.

The Top Five Games in my Steam Library: A 2020 Retrospective

i must unfortunately announce that video games are important to me, and have been important for me for about 2/3 of my approximately 21 years of life. and over the years i have...formed....opinions of games, and had favorites. games i’ll play over n over. i like to talk and read my own blurbs so HERE WE GO--

1. Hollow Knight

over 250 hours on a story-driven single-player metroidvania’s is a goddamn STATEMENT to the replayability hollow knight has. my initial blind playthrough of hollow knight took me up to 60-70 hours to complete at 100%, and it was possibly the most breathtaking gaming experience i ever had. the music, the setting, the 2d animation, the artwork, the smoothness of the gameplay and how the game lends itself so easily to just getting lost in the world, it is: amazing. i cannot gush enough about how this game has been definitive to my 2010s gaming experience. it’s a game that you can play again and again like your favorite childhood movie. the one game deserving of the “like dark souls” title in more ways than one. it’s PERFECT. 

2. Don’t Starve Together

my long-term followers might remember this: but this blog was initially a don’t starve fandom blog. it’s a franchise that has a lot of personal importance to me and honestly, it’s a game that i feel a lot of nostalgia for. klei entertainment’s don’t starve together is practically the “sequel” to don’t starve, complete with a whole lotta lore, new patches and characters being introduced all the time, AND committed to giving each character their own unique cinematic and love. don’t starve’s old-timey sketchy aesthetic really carries it as a unique survival adventure. along with its charming and quirky cast of playable characters, each with their own special mechanics, the game has super creative mob design that you can just fall in love with. don’t starve? pretty good game. don’t starve TOGETHER? REALLY. good. game. 

3. Stardew Valley

what can i say about stardew valley that hasn’t already been said? charming pixel art style, intuitive controls, a game that almost always gives you something to work for in the endgame, nearly unlimited customization of your farm, and you can be gay. it’s DAMN good game. with every FREE patch, the game improves on itself more and more to give you more stuff to do and more fun to play with, it’s genuinely just such a feel-good game that gives you that warm feeling in your tummy of coming home after a long day. 

4. Darkest Dungeon 

darkest dungeon is like stardew valley if your home was full of blood and skeletons and everyone you wanna date is fucked up and depressed. the grim art style of darkest dungeon and the positively HORRIFYING atmosphere it creates is one of darkest dungeon’s greatest strengths. i like to think that not every good game has to be FUN to be good, and darkest dungeon is one of my favorite examples to talk about. because this game is designed to just STRESS YOU OUT. it wants you to make calculated, or in my case impulsive, risks and approach every battle in this turn-based rpg as if it could be your last. the quirk system adds such an interesting layer of depth to your roster of heroes, and it makes every romp across your ancestor’s land exciting and stressful. 

5. Undertale

if there was any game i could forget all memory of just so i can re-experience the absolute JOY i had playing it for the first time blind...it would be undertale. and i know i’m not the only person to feel the same. it took the internet by storm when it was first released and this simple little ole rpg that advertised itself as “an rpg where nobody has to die” is still just. amazing. the characters feel so lively, the story has so many hidden layers while giving its players enough information to effectively theorize, and it’s just: FUNNY. it’s fun and its sense of humor is what sets it apart like its inspiration: earthbound. i made a lot of friends through undertale and it inspired me a lot when it was released, and on some level, continues to inspire me to this day. despite everything, it’s still a beautiful story about staying strong in the face of what feels like insurmountable odds and keeping that certain tenderness in your heart to share with the people you meet. it’s probably the shortest game on this whole list, but i think its place was well-earned. 

anyway let’s do a top howevermany video games of 2018 (that’s “that I played in 2018″, and not “released in 2018″) before the year rings out (I got three hours) no particular order in here by the way, and the readmore’s after the first entry so don’t worry too much about this here post length (at least on the dash) Games in this here post: Lobotomy Corp, Pyre, Cultist Simulator, Deltarune, Hollow Knight, and while I didn’t write about it because I hven’t played enough of it yet, I want everyone to know that HEARTBEAT is delightful Lobotomy Corp I... sort’ve have complex feelings about this game. Because it does a lot of weird stuff and I don’t necessarily agree with every single thing it does. I think it’s even bad in places, sometimes, but overall it’s a game that tried to make something mechanically complex out of an SCP-like setting, and that’s a niche that I think has been empty for a very long time, given how convoluted some of those containment procedures get, and while I dunno if they hit it dead on, they certainly did a good job of it. It’s basically a little manager game where you’re managing an SCP-like facility, you start out knowing nothing about the abnormalities and as you interact with them you get more “points” which can be spent on unlocking info that help you deal with the abnormality safely in the future! This gets pretty interesting at best and pretty russian roulette-ey at worst, I distinctly have a memory of botching my first interaction attempt on one only for the thing to immediately break out, fly into the center of the facility, and murder everyone in an extravagant fashion. Like a lot of my beefs with the game, though, this happens exceedingly rarely, so it’s okay (and I could’ve retried that day if I wanted to). To boot, the game sort’ve creates stories in and of itself, not unlike dwarf fortress or something, where someone botches something in the facility and it has widespread consequences and you’re suddenly running on all cylinders to find out what buttons that thing pushed and how to get them unpushed, and it’s super awesome when you manage it. I had one time where a beehive abnormality managed to infect a few employees with spores, and it turned into a whole ass situation (that you can read about here, it’s long by the way) that IIRC took down like, half the employees in the facility. I should’ve reset, but I didn’t, because I Won. And any game that gives you that vibe can’t be all bad. On top of all this, the game does have a plot, I don’t think everyone ever is going to love it, but it’s not bad, and honestly some of the plot related challenges later in the game are some of my favorite thematic set pieces in a good long time. If you like resource management games, visual novels (a little bit, the plot is there, it’s in visual novel format, and it’s pretty good), and don’t mind a bit of anime plot (or even prefer it, maybe!), consider this one.

Pyre Pyre is a game about a person (you) that falls into a sectioned off part of the world called The Downside. The game starts with you, unconscious, and being rescued by a group of people, where you learn that you were exiled from The Commonwealth, to The Downside for the crime of literacy, and that literacy is extremely valuable in the downside because a literate person is required to perform The Rites of Flame which are sort’ve soccer ball games where you try to get your team to throw a crystal ball thing into the opposing fire. These rites eventually free a single person from the downside, using a tournament format. Over time you learn about your fellow team members, why they were exiled, among other things, you learn about the history of the world, and find out exactly how bad The Commonwealth actually is in some ways, and you, eventually, do something about it. The plot is legitimately fantastic and despite this there are at least  2 “overall endings”, and at least two endings for not only all of your team members, but also for the members of opposing teams, as you can lose to them on purpose to let them escape instead of your own dudes. All those tie into the over-arcing plot, which is to send people back to the corrupt other side to resolve the conflict going on there in secret. So you may not want to let some people go back because they won’t be much help, or they might actively hurt things. Some characters might even be better suited to life in the downside as a whole. It’s also neat to see your liaison on the other side that’s helping you perform the rites steadily reacts to how the overall situation is developing on the other side. The soundtrack is also fantastic, seriously top notch. If you like narratively driven games, games with good characterization, games with a just sort’ve full bodied plot in general, and don’t mind a bit of sportsball, you might take a look at this.

Hollow Knight People call things Dark Souls Inspired a lot, and that unfortunately is rarely a good thing, as dark souls difficulty when done poorly is a huge frustrating mess and it’s a testament to how well FROM did things in that game that it’s as fun to play as it is. And of course a lot of games just aren’t dark souls inspired at all and it’s used as a tagline, but with all that said I will say Hollow Knight is absolutely Dark Souls Inspired in the best way. You’re a little fella and you mysteriously arrive to a town called Hallownest, no knowledge of why you’re there or what you’re doing, and you set out to romp around in the caverns beneath the town. For most of the game you just sorta listen to NPCs talk about things and you slowly piece together the plot (maybe, it’s certainly not required and it’s certainly not guaranteed), unlocking upgrades and such along the way. Basically a metroidvania, with attrition based combat based around knowing your limits and when to go back and rest, along with more traditionally difficult boss fights. It all culminates in a big fight with the big bad and if you did everything right, you get to figure out what the hell was actually going on (sorta). It’s a beautiful game, the character looks like exactly the sort’ve character to never talk, partially because he doesn’t have a mouth, admittedly, the combat feels great, and the NPCs are a delight, I really can’t think of anything bad about this game, unless you just don’t like platformers, or prefer easier games, or something. If you like metroidvanias, a bit of a meloncholic tone, inferred plot from dialogue and item description clues, and don’t mind having to wrestle the game a little bit, I’d say give this a shot. Deltarune Like everyone else, I played Deltarune the day it came out, and had no idea what to expect, probably because we got 24 hours of warning and no tell that it was a new game at all, and ultimately I found out that it was a marked improvement over Undertale (which isn’t to say Undertale is bad, of course). Party based combat was a blast, the game just sort’ve in general warmed my heart (after scaring me briefly right at the beginning), and honestly I’m very very happy that the focus on pacifism was taken out because it was great the first time, but I feel like it’d just be more of the same to functionally “quote” Undertale, so I’m super happy with that decision, and really as a companion piece to Undertale I think it makes a load of sense as a bit more “grounded” take on the whole “combat in video games as a means to an end” thing, that (mostly) manages to not lose the good vibes. I don’t think I could’ve been happier with it, really. If you love to be happy, I highly reccomend deltarune (and it’s free anyway so whynot right) To be real, if you like top down shooters, games that don’t take themselves entirely seriously, or games with just sorta positive vibes in general, take a look. Cultist Simulator I’m gonna be honest with You, The Reader, and say that I do not like reading a whole lot, in general. This is important because Cultist Simulator is a game with a lot of reading in it, and honestly, I loved it regardless. It paints a fantastic picture of a world with Actual Occult Business of some description in it, and it manages to have a unique UI that didn’t make me throw my hands in the air out of frustration and quit. I’d say that this UI, would be a fantastic way to do adventure games in the future, in general, in fact. It is that good. The game itself revolves around you, a person that, up until just recently, was working at a hospital as a ferrier (so someone that wheels around wheelchairs with people in them). One of the patients you wheeled around leaves you a package, you open it, and find an address to a bookstore, a person, and a load of money. You move on from that in a very free-form fashion and Things Happen, I legitimately can’t tell you anything more the game is all about learning how to do things. To go on about the UI more, you have cards, initially you have a reason, health, and passion card. You use these cards in slots to cause certain effects, so putting health into the work slot gives you money and vitality after 60 seconds have passed. You can put the vitality in the dream slot to get a prompt to get more vitality, so you work with health again (after it’s cooldown has expired), get another vitality, put them both in, you got a “hardened physique” skill card and another health card. This is basically how the game flows and how you get access to everything in the game, there’s obviously more to it then hard labor, but again I can’t talk about it too much or I’ll ruin it. And while I’m here, it’s really nice that they didn’t just base it on the Cthulhu Mythos and call it done, it’s a unique, original setting and it’s great. Got no hate for the Cthulhu Mythos but I feel like I’ve seen or heard it A Million Times. If you love adventure games, resource management games, reading, narratively driven games (kind’ve, the plot and characterization is mostly on the side, but it is there in a way), or just really want to see an occult game that isn’t based off Cthulhu, check this one out I say.

May 31, 2013 - part 1: wherein Lobac eats a cookie.

To be fair, it has been like two hundred years since my last update.  That’s a pretty good nap.  Just means I’m all the more rested to work on new stuff, right?  I mean, I need to keep a spritely pace up if I still plan on catching up to Lobac’s liveblog before said liveblog catches up to the comic.  Which for sure is still an actual thing at all, and not a bit of exclusive humor between friends.

Last time Lobac was getting into some theory crafting and analysis of the classpect system.  I didn’t have much to say about that at the time, particularly not much that wouldn’t qualify as spoilers, so iirc I was mostly just responding with random thoughts and video links, half of which are dead now.  There was a bit left over looking at the troll’s perster names, which was also good stuff, but lacking anything coherent to say about it, I’ll just gloss past the rest of that post, apart from:

Lobac said:

Thank you all for sticking around °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

As if you could ever get rid of me.  ~{@PQ}~

Moving on, we rejoin the comic with PM visiting the Black Queen to retrieve the mysterious GREEN PACKAGE, which had been impounded by agents of the Black Court as a result of a traffic violation.  The Black Queen cuts an imposing figure, and Lobac is, of course, duly imposed.

later, Lobac said:

Are those… tentacles ( ´ _ ｀) I thought only the imps were affected by the prototypings?

OH SHIT OH SHIT THAT LOOKS SO COOL HOT DAMN (゜▽゜) Wowow look at her joints! Look at all the carapace-y stuff going on there!

These days, Lobac’s soft spot for this particular sort of shiny, black, possibly betentacled monster-type aesthetic is well documented.  I’m pretty sure she would have loved the black queen’s design even if it wasn’t just objectively cool as hell, but that certainly doesn’t hurt.  I’m kind of sad that we never got a proper fight scene out of this particular version of her.

That’s not a spoiler is it?  I’m pretty sure that’s not a spoiler.

Yeah, the random objects the kids threw in the general directions of their seizuresprites are directly affecting the final boss. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG HERE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

I don’t see the problem here.  Nothing the kids could possibly put in those sprites could be at all unsettling or dangerous.

haa haa.  hee hee.  hoo hoo.

Her face is so weird though It’s Jaspers-shaped, and her eyes are constantly narrowed, I can’t even tell whether it’s in distaste or amusement

Why not both?

Andrew sure is proud of that hand’s close-up She’s not even dramatically pointing she’s literally just saying “yeah I dunno anything about that kinda shit you best go down there and ask my pretty princess, I mean, subordinate”

It is a pretty great hand, honestly.  I think this particular image gets called back to a few more times yet.

Yeah Rose! You go and fulfill your as of yet unclear vaguely Seering-related destiny

Yeah, Rose!  Get on that, maybe!

ROSE NO YOU ARE 13 THAT IS GONNA TASTE AWFUL TO YOU Heh I legitimately don’t know whether her mom would be proud of or disappointed in her if she could see her now Is this an act of defiance or emulation Just silly teenage antics, probably, but I’d like to think she misses her

Rooooooose Rose nooooooooooooooooo （ ´ω｀） Ehehe I love how the artstyle turns super silly to reflect how upset/surprised she is

These two panels constitute one of the most iconic funny moments in the comic.  It works really well.  Shoot, I should have done the post topper-edit based on these, huh?  Oh, well.  The one I already did took like four hours, mostly due to my extreme rustiness, so I’m not going back now.

Otherwise, I also like to think of Rose missing her mom here.  Maybe not admitting it to herself, but still.  I also still ascribe to the “everything Mom ever did was 110% unironic, Rose made up the whole passive aggressive conflict between them in her head, her mom wasn’t passive agressive she was just a bonkers drunk rich lady” headcannon that I think I spoke about ages ago in this very liveblog.

Anyway, yeah, this is both a hilarious joke and a fantastic little character moment for Rose.  Another contributing factor to Rose being my big early favorite with a seemingly insurmountable head start in the ‘best character’ race.

Actually, lately, since the end of the comic, she’s been gaining ground again for me?  I mean, one of the trolls definitely surpassed her for most of my Homestuck fan life, but... eh, whatever.  There’s no way I can getting into how my feelings about those characters developed over the comics life without being way more spoilery than even I’ve already been, so that kind of talk will have to wait for later.  Even if later means ‘years from now’ or ‘never’.

BOO FUCKING YAH, IT’S THE WHITE QUEEN Or Windswept Questant, for now She’s also as of yet uncorrupted by the kids’ silly sprite shenanigans

Lobac had been waiting for this reveal for a while, I think.

PM: Command John to put the carved tablet into a pyxis.

You follow the command telling you to command John to put the carved tablet in the pyxis and type, “John, put the carved tablet into the pyxis.” You successfully do that, and he successfully does that too. Everyone is friendly and cooperative.

Ah yes, you so rarely get this kind of friendly cooperation from narrators these days

It was a rather uncommonly tidy sequence, for this comic.

Shit I just remembered those typing hands we saw when trying to name Jack, the reader is like a physically present entity??? Maybe???

What prompted this thought?  The earlier black queen hand image hanging in your head, then a bit about narrators entering text, and that old bit just pops up?  It’s cool how brains work, making intuitive connections and all that.

What if we eventually zoom out to reveal a human exile commanding everyone. We’ve only been watching that human mess around up until now. The real story begins when they just suddenly go “whelp that was kinda fun. gotta look for food tho” at an incredibly dramatic moment.They turn away from the console.  And then we watch them slump through the desert for thousands of pages and their journey of introspective self-discovery is the actual story. Yes.

Shit, Lobac just predicted the whole narrative!  No point in continuing this liveblog, I guess.  “[#P%]t

Well, obviously this means that WV has an uncanny knack for distances and PM has one for sounds AR can probably track down crimes by their scent He’s like McGruff the Crime Dog, but a little less fluffy

I used to love McGruff the Crime Dog.  Until I grew up and realized he was a tool of THE MAN.

dear gOD SHE REALLY IS PUTTING JACK IN DRESSES (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ He and Slick are basically the same person, right? Oh man he is gonna stab the shit out of her one of these days

~{%|%}~

Jack Noir, more like JACK NO. NO YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE OUT THERE MURDERING PEOPLE AND FROLICKING THROUGH THE STREETS WITH YOUR ASSHOLE CREW. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS PATHETIC o(`д´ ｡)

I’d say this is a “be careful what you wish for” moment, but I think Lobac knew exactly what she was doing here.

Ticket? Oh, this thing. Ha, ha, look at that, you are holding a ticket. How did that get in your hand? It belongs on the desk with the others. No, you are not here to pay a parking ticket. You explain to the frightening man that you are here to pick up that green parcel.

GIVE ME A C! GIVE ME A U! GIVE ME A T AND I AND E! sheeEEEE’S A CUTIE!!!!

Honestly, they’re all cuties.  the cuteness of the entire cast, even the villains mostly, in both visual depiction and personality, really is a big selling point of the whole comic.

There was a time when I wasn’t super into cute things.  I was never viscerally opposed to cuteness, never when through a virulently anti-girly-stuff phase, but these days I’m MUCH more into things being cute.  I just like cute characters!  Sure, I like things that are somber and spooky, but the best is when they’re somber and spooky AND super cute!

Like, Hollow Knight.  That whole game is like exactly my favorite aesthetic these days.  Sad and morose and dark and adorable.

But more often than not homestuck still comes pretty close to that ideal.  You just want to hug the shit out of all of these doofuses, a few stab wounds here or there be damned.  Speaking of stab wounds...

WHOOPS TENSION. THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT. I DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT YOU TO START KILLING PEOPLE OK

Maybe Lobac didn’t know what she was asking for earlier.

Wait, the crowns, what the fuck, he wants her to KILL THE KING AND QUEEN??? SHE’S JUST A MAIL LADY ヾ(´･-･｀)ノ”

How does he even know she’s desperate enough to kill people just to get one package?

The PARCEL MISTRESS departs with her mission of double agency. You wonder if she’ll actually be so foolish as to attempt to uphold her end of the lopsided bargain. You make a policy of handing out a REGISWORD and a HITLIST to just about everyone who enters your office. But you never think anyone’s actually going to GO THROUGH with it. 

What a phenomenal asshole That explains that

pretty much.  As for the box itself...

Yeeeeah you’re not actually gonna show me so, go ahead, taunt me, get it over with

PFFFFPFPFPFPFFF WHAT SOMETHING COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS APPARENTLY? NOT AS RIDICULOUS AS HIS FACE THO. Magnificent asshole cutie

Hahah, \[&P%]/

Anyway, at this point the action cuts back to the kids, and that seems a good a time as any to take a break.  I could just save this as a draft and finish the rest of lobac’s post later?  I mean, then I wouldn’t have to take extra time for another panel edit?  But I kind of want to post something now, so I guess well do this one in parts again.  part 2 scheduled for, let’s be ambitious and say may 2022

How did I ever use to have the time for this blogging shit?  I’ve been working on this for like six hours, and only got like a third of the way through one update?  I guess I was just younger then.

I’m so old now.  Time just gets away from me.

And my back hurts all the time.

The World 2.0 (work in progress)

// This is a LONG fanfic I have been tinkering with from .Hack//G.U. and is my current favorite of the things I have written. I loved the series as a whole and wished there had been an actual release of .Hack//Fragment that had made it to the USA. Read below. //

"Do you have any idea what you've done, Kuhn?" The question was a bit on the ludicrous side. But it came out before I could think twice. And from my tone of voice Pi flinched to step back a little. While Kuhn winced to put a hand behind his head. A nervous laugh audible as he looked down. "I was doing my job for the Corp, Adelha. That's all. It wasn't personal or anything. They just told me to-" But by then I snap. I have no more semblance of restraint. And I shout into my mike for it to echo in the church. "ENOUGH!" Both Pi and Kuhn go dead still. With me turning to glare at Kuhn over the headset. And if this was in the real world I'd be shaking I'm so mad. Which I already was in my seat. But my avatar just stood there as I fumed into the mike. "Months of time wasted! Constant feints and dead leads! Outright having entire threads on message boards erased! And for what?! To blatantly ruin any chance of me finding my friends! People that are either waiting for me to find them or dead and long gone without me ever knowing! And all because you have ruined all my hard work! I asked for your help Kuhn! And instead you stabbed me in the back! So tell me now! Were you going to dig that metal in farther or just twist it before you ripped it out?!" Kuhn blanches to shake his head at me. And I can tell he's upset. Pi standing between us to simply watch and listen. While Kuhn fumbles for words. "You were asking specific questions, Adelha! All over the public boards! Questions that are more dangerous than you realize! I couldn't let anything-" By then I make my avatar move. And I punch him full in the face. It cuts him off well enough. Pi shifting on her feet as Kuhn gets his avatar to stand back up. And I am panting into the mike. Something both of them can hear. And my words are seething. "Do not presume you know how to protect me from the monsters Kuhn! Especially when I am fully aware they are riddled into the game's programming! I was one of the few who got to see what was under the layers of The World! One of the few graced by the goddess who had a statue in this very church! So help me if I had access to one of my old avatars, I'd Data Drain your ass!" Both Kuhn and Pi go bug eyed as I keep fuming. The two having a shocked expression as I grip my controller so tight my knuckles split open. "You even think of messaging me again and I will report you for harassment! I will make certain you get banned from the game and from CC Corp! You lose my phone number and email! Delete it all! I don't care I sent you that promise card! I don't care I was falling in love! I'll never trust you again!" Kuhn goes rigid for him to gasp into his mike. And Pi looks just as stunned. Yet I can't even see anymore due to the tears. So I run my avatar out of the church to the gate. And I do my quick log out trick to then rip my headset clean off. It ends up thrown onto my bed as I tremble in my seat. My head spinning as I hear my phone start ringing. And the ring tone tells me it's Haseo. But I let it ring for once. Something I have never done before. I just lean against the chair to cry. Every piece of me hurting and sick. The phone rings again and again. Several ring tones sounding out in my room. And I know each one. Haseo. Pi. Kuhn's has me blanch and shiver. Silabus. Atoli. Haseo again. Pi again. Then I hear that it's Gaspard calling me. So I reach over to grab the phone. I don't have the heart to ignore him of all people. And I choke on a sob when I do answer. "Misery pit answering. Leave a message once the glass is done cracking." Gaspard gives a pouted noise over the phone. His sweet voice so worried it makes my stomach twist. "Adelha. Kuhn messaged all of us. What happened?" I start to lightly bang my head against the wall. The sound echoing into my phone as I speak. "I just found out he's the one who was deleting my posts off the message boards. So you can imagine when he tried laughing it off I exploded." Gaspard gives a hard gasp to exclaim, "It was him of all people?! Why would he do that?! I know he had access since he works for CC Corporation part time, but to go that far- Why?!" I chuckle without any humor in it. And my answer is a hollow one. "Apparently, I was spreading false info in my questions. As well as breaking rules on asking for personal information. Or that was the notices I kept getting before my thread priveledges got suspended. But he tried to tell me it was to keep me safe." Gaspard sounds very confused about that. And he would be considering he wouldn't know anything about the Key of Twilight or Aura or the Cursed Waves from the first version of The World. So his question is expected. "How would you looking for your old friends put you in danger?" I give a sigh to rub my free hand to my face. Too tired to fib or lie. "Keep a secret, sweet one. Back when that crap was going down with players going comatose the first time, several players decided to mount their own investigation into the hard core lore the game was written from. I was one of the few in the group that actually got anywhere with that." Gaspard sounds very stunned when he squacks into the phone. Along with excited. "Wha?! You mean- Are you one of the Azure Knights or something?! Did you really find that legendary item?! Adelha! Are you one of the fabled .hackers?!" I can't help but smile at how eager he sounds. A chuckle soon to follow. "Silly friend. I promised not to tell about that little legend. But I will say this. That whole event had a lot of glitches and viruses interwoven into what happened. Hence why people were getting sick and falling into comas, Bard. It really was dangerous. But the flip side was I found people to call family. So when the servers got toasted and they revamped the game..." Gaspard finishes for me. "You logged back in to find out what happened to your friends. And you still haven't found them, have you?" My sniffle escapes for Gaspard to hear it. And I close my eyes to tremble all over. "I have hints about one or two. And I know I do have one friend from back then. He just..." I choke a moment before I finish. "The coma messed with his memory. I doubt he remembers even playing the first version of The World. The others are either not playing anymore or dropped off the face of the planet." Gaspard sounds very sad as he sighs into his phone. And his voice is soft with understanding. "I am so sorry Adelha... What can I do to help? Silabus is here with me since we said we were gonna do a meet and greet for once. We can come up with something." My smile quirks even though it hurts. I knew the two of them were in the same room. Probably at Gaspard's school or something. "Tell Haseo I'm not dead yet. And let Atoli know I'm okay. She can let the others in Moon Tree know I'm dealing with an upending of my life." Gaspard sounds confused again. "Was there something in guild that was going to happen?" I think a moment before I answer. "Knowing a few of the members, there would be concern. Especially when the rumors start spreading. Matsu might just hunt me down in real life to bang my door in. Which would mean he crosses an ocean to get here." Gaspard hesiates before he replies. And he sounds very surprised. "Wait a minute... You don't live in Japan? Are you in America?! You mean all this time you're playing at night when it's daytime over here?!" I honestly laugh at his question. My smile full blown. "Surprise, sweet one. I fooled all of you with my advanced Japanese. Twenty points for me." Gaspard laughs back into the phone. While I can hear Silabus giving a few shouts in the background. Gaspard continues to talk to me. "No wonder you are on at odd hours of the night when I back checked. You really don't know what a sleep schedule is, do you?" My chuckle is rich as I nod my head. "That is a side effect from all the comas I got put into." Gaspard audibly flinches to pout a bit. "Don't say that. It reminds me of you being in the hospital and me not being able to visit. Silabus and I weren't the only ones worried either. Haseo was about to go bonkers. And Atoli was just outright frantic." I sigh to look over to my bed where the headset is. "Hey. I was the one out like a light. Not you. And frankly I really needed the naps. But thank you for that, Bard. It means more than you know." Gaspard thinks before he speaks. And my eyes go wide. "Haseo said Endrance asked about you every day they met in game. And from what Haseo also said, Kuhn was devastated the entire time you were gone." My face gets hot at the mention of both Endrance and Kuhn. A slight squeak escaping. "Stuff me with feathers and call me a pillow... Endrance was worried about me...? I mean I get Kuhn would be upset on some level but-" Gaspard interrupts me, which is very unlike him. "Adelha. Kuhn wasn't just upset. He was heartbroken. Haseo caught him crying on more than one occasion. Kuhn thought you'd never wake up again. And it broke him." I almost drop the phone at this point. My heart doing an odd flip even as it breaks a little more. So I lean into the wall again to take that in a moment. And my words are bitter. "Che... Figures the guy would be that broken up over the girl he ends up lynching on some level... Irony is a bitter poison..." Gaspard sighs the same time I do. But his words are firm. "Don't burn that bridge entirely. He's an idiot when it comes to being a noble knight for a woman. Even I know that. So give it time before you toss him off his horse." I give a snort before I go really still. Something clicking in the back of my head. And I am so stunned I forget to breathe. Making Gaspard very worried on his end. "Adelha? You still there?" I don't even think when I speak. The words hushed but still audible. "If it was that damned obvious I'll hang myself..." Gaspard sounds really scared when he says, "Adelha! Don't you do something bad! Please! What is it?" I look to my monitor to grip the phone tight. And I am piecing things together by the second. "I think I figured out the real reason why he did it... And if I'm right... I will PK him into next year..." ***** The one day I wanted to not set up Shop Acorn and do some background checking was the one day we were busy. Which I was sure fate had a hand in just to spite me. But I was just as determined to get the shop running at top notch capacity as Gaspard was. So I just smiled and sold the items we had in the guild inventory for such. Heck. Most of the guild inventory was specifically for the shop by now. Which was something Haseo had been shocked over how much was in there and how many rare weapons and armor were being stockpiled. He'd been floored at how much I had been putting into the inventory. And he'd be equally floored at me just taking it back out to sell for really cheap. So I'm not surprised that Haseo is there when I am closing up the shop. His grumble coming from above me as I go through the inventory list on my screen. "And just what exactly are you doing, Adelha?" I keep counting up numbers as I respond. "Is that multiple choice or essay, Haseo?" As expected, Haseo gives a tisked noise to grumble more. "Che! Fine time for you to be a smartass! You realize Kuhn has been blowing up my email because of you? He won't stop bugging me to find you! It's a right pain in the ass! So what the Hell is going on?" I give a growl a bear would be proud of. My hand banging on the desk even as I sit my character down. And Haseo notes how mad I am to go really quiet. His signal that he's listening. So I fume a bit into the mike. "It's really simple, Haseo! Kuhn used his apparent job with CC Corp to delete all my threads on the forums and to send me fasle leads while I have been looking for my former guild mates! Turns out he's been doing so since before we actually met in game! And he gave the pathetic excuse of it being his job to protect unknowing players from dangerous situations! In short, he stabbed me in the back! Repeatedly! And had the nerve to claim it was for my own good!" Haseo gives a groan to put a hand to his head. His muttering too fast for me to catch. But he does finally say something to me. "What an idiot. No wonder he's so desperate to get you to forgive him. He's even been trying to find out if I can get your mailing address to send you flowers." I throw my hands up when Haseo finishes to snort into the mike. "Do not even bother, Haseo. Flowers are for funerals. They are depressing when I get them because they only remind me of good byes." Haseo nods in agreement to then ask in a hesitant voice, "And the couple event mail you sent him? Did you really mean to send him that?" I go beat red to growl more into the mike. "Well it's obvious I am not going to keep to that little dumb ass stunt! And I sure ain't going to send him another one! So I will just forget I ever got one to send to anyone in the first place! It's not like the other guy I would send that to would even open it anyways!" I get up as Haseo gives a squack of surprise. His voice a bit shaken. "What?! You were gonna send that to somebody else?! Please don't tell me it was me!" I roll my eyes to reach up at pat Haseo on the head. Making him grumble a bit as I smirk. "Nope. Not you, Haseo. You're the little brother. Not the love interest. Player wise and character wise." If it wasn't for the fact I didn't have my music blaring in the background as per my usual custom, I wouldn't have heard Haseo sigh in relief. But he does choose to grump at me more. "Okay. Okay. Enough with the head rubbing. I'm not a dog, Adelha." I give a chuckle to remove my hand. Haseo scowling at me to then ask the expected question. "So if it wasn't me, then who was it? I doubt it was Gaspard." I smirk to shake my head. "Gaspard is thirteen years old, Haseo. I'm twenty. Heck no that won't go." Haseo thinks to then ask, "Well I know it's not Silabus. And that Piros the Third weirdo is so not your type." I bark out a laugh to tell him. "Well duh since he's actually married and has a one year old in real life. He sent me pictures of the tyke too." Haseo looks stunned to then give a long whistle. "Shee. Fooled me then. So who is it? That Matsu guy from Moon Tree?" I am so glad Haseo cannot see me blushing in real life. But I do let out a mumble that he does catch. And Haseo goes stock still to then chuckle. "Oh you're kidding. You were going to send it to Endrance? Really? Dang, Adelha. Way to set the bar high." I reach out and punch his avatar in the shoulder. Making him give a growl of surprise. "Hey! You don't have to hit me!" But I just grab him from behind to give his avatar a noogie. His protesting very loud as I give him a few verbal punches. "You can shut your yap! I'm aware Endrance only has eyes for two people and neither of them are me! So thank you for rubbing that in!" Haseo gets out from under my hold to take a few steps back. His words a bit on the angry side. "All right already. I get it. I'm sorry. But I got the impression he does care about you." I go very still to look dumbfounded. And Haseo continues to point at me. "Endrance has asked me on several occasions if I've seen you. He also looked really dissapointed when we went on that event with Sakubo and you were offline. He may not say it to you, Adelha. But you are his friend and he does like you." ***** Matsu decides to get my attention by sending me a text to my phone. Since he can hear my music blaring through my headset again. So I turn the volume down after I read the text. And I am not in the mood to play word games. "Forget it, Matsu. I'm not interested in whatever rumor you heard along the chatter vine." Matsu gives a chuckle to hug my avatar closer. His voice full of warmth it made my toes curl a little in the real world. "So you did read it. I was more inclined to think you blew both ears out with your music. Seriously, Addy. What got you so mad?" I take a moment before I answer. "You gonna keep a lid on this?" Matsu nods to answer. "Completely. I'm all ears." I choose to move myself from the chair at my computer desk to my bed. The mattress squeaking for Matsu to hear it. So he waits for me to get situated before I speak. And I give a long sigh once I'm laying down. "I got the info on what shit head was deleting my posts on the forums. It was the same asswad that was giving me false leads too." Matsu takes a breath before he growls into his mike. "And who is this bastard so I can PK his ass!" I wait before I speak. And my voice wavers. "The same guy I sent the wedding event mail to. It was Kuhn." Matsu goes rigid even as I hear he stopped breathing through his mike. Then he explodes in all his fiery glory. "I'll kill him! That filthy rat bastard is dead meat! I am gonna get on my bike and hunt his ass down and I am gonna murder him with my bare hands! He is so dead! That he'd go that far to keep his job! I am going to rip him apart!” Matsu continues to rant and fume into his headset as I listen. So I chuckle a bit to put my one arm over my eyes. And I am more amused than anything. “Matsu. Breathe before you fall over. Seriously. Keep fuming like that and your heart is gonna pop.” I am rewarded with a grumble and Matsu laying down on his own bed. The squeak of the mattress sharp as he pants a few times. “Fine then, gimme a minute.” I wait as Matsu takes the headset right off to get his head on straight again. And I go wide eyed when he sets it on his chest. The audio picking up the fact he’s panting as well as the thunder of his heart. And wow is he mad given how fast that obon drum is hammering. But my smile turns warm as I listen. A kind of heat washing over me as Matsu gives a few curses that the mike barely picks up. Then after a minute, Matsu puts the headset back on. And I cannot help but tease him. “God have mercy on my soul... I didn’t know you played the drums so well, Matsu...” Matsu gives a loud cough before he grumbles at me. “Che! Shut it, you dork! Don’t make me drive to your place to give you a piece of my mind!” But I sigh to stare at my ceiling. “Good luck getting yourself here. I live in South Dakota, USA. So unless you got a passport...” Matsu goes quiet before he chuckles. His voice very warm despite the fact he’s still annoyed with me. “Might just get me one then. I’ve always wanted to ride my bike through America. Show off to the Yankees as it were. If you’d let me in the door, Addy.” I can’t help but smile as I answer. “Matsu. You ever get your butt to the states, I will meet you at the airport and go with you cross country. And you would be getting a house key as a welcome gift.” Matsu goes very quiet before he speaks again. “Seriously? You’d do that? We only know each other in game. You’d be willing to welcome some punk out of Japan that easily?” My response is to get my phone and send Matsu a photo. My voice very soft when I hear his phone ring through my headset. “Is that good enough for you?” Matsu goes so quiet I would swear he disconnected. Then he sighs a bit to give a few soft words. “Damn. Just damn. Adelha. Your hair is so many shades of brown and red. Is that the natural color or am I just hoping?” My smile is full blown for me to laugh. “Natural. My Irish heritage showing in my hair color and my eyes. The rest is a mixture of French and Japanese.” Matsu gives a hum to then tell me, “You look phenominal. But what was the text you sent with it?” I hesitate before I answer in a breathless voice. “My real name.” Matsu doesn’t answer for a minute. Then he’s chuckling into the mike. “Margaret Joanna Adelha Mathilde. Wow, that is a mouthful. Everyone wonders where you got your character name from. Now I know.” I hear my own phone chime to then blink. And I read the text and the photo with glee. Knowing what Matsu did without having to ask. My words full of joy. “If that isn’t the most amazing bike I’ve ever seen. And the rider is just as fine. Shingo Kudou.” Matsu coughs a few times to grumble at me, “Hey hey, ease up would you? Seriously.” But my words are full of heat even as my toes curl. "Seriously. I'd be overjoyed to meet you in person. If it wasn't for me still trying to find Sanjuro here in the states, I'd have hopped ship and moved to Japan." Matsu gives a huff to then laugh a bit. His own voice full of warmth. "Figures you would say that. But yeah I feel the same way. I'd love to take you around my area and have you here." I hestitate for a missed pump of my heart. But the words float out before my mind clicks them into place. "I'd want all that and more, Matsu. If we were both willing to take that all consuming dive." Matsu goes dead quiet before he snickers a bit into his mike. And his words are full of hot wonder. "Damn... You really don't say anything other than the direct truth... I love that about you... Really, Margaret? Even though your still in love with those memories?" My throat clamps so i can't answer right away. But when i do my heart is all but tumbling over itself. "Like I would regret a road taken when it means being with someone I love... Even just platonically to tilt dangerously into sibling slash romantic territory... But I do love and value you, Shingo Kudou. Your support and friendship has meant more to me than you realize." ***** I turn when Haseo and Kuhn shout at me. Sakaki giving a chuckle before he heads for the next room. And I am not the least bit surprised that both Haseo and Kuhn look very fearful. But then my gaze lands on who is with them. And my gaze widens. Because their third party member is none other than Endrance. His eyes gazing at me with much concern. But I rotate my shoulder with the AIDA virus over it. The wing attached to my back on that side shivering with the motion. And my words come out with a dissonance in the tones. "Three knights to charge forth and save the kingdom. Three souls of great power to combat the Wave. Each with potent forces to aide them. Each with secrets to keep. And every one of them willing to lay all down to defend their comrades. Yet none of them were able to keep safe one single soul. The one that fell to depravity. The one that darkness embraces. And the one that knew more than anyone dared to guess." Haseo grips his weapon tighter to then ask me a question first. "Adelha. What did Sakaki promise you?" I chuckle to shake my head. The black wing at my back twitching as I reach up with that clawed hand to cover my face. And my words are aching. "He promised nothing Haseo. He simply asked for my conditions. So I rattled off the list of every single player I've been looking for that is still playing The World. And he delivered in spades and diamonds. Since he now has access to CC Corp records and player information. That was all I needed to find the people I've been wanting to see for so many years." I then glare at all three of them to give a gut wrenching growl. The wing at my back shaking to blow a gust of wind towards them. And my words are low and full of agony. "And here three of you were in front of me the whole time... I was so blind... Damn me for a fool that I didn't see it sooner..." Kuhn grips his weapon tighter to edge a little closer. "Adelha? What are you talking about? What do you mean?" My chest hurts so much the blackness over it cracks and billows smoke. My eyes bleeding freely as my one good hand points to Haseo first. And my words are full of pain. "I know you all better than you think. You may not remember, Haseo. But we were friends once before. Back when you were still just in grade school. Back when you were a very unique twin blade. A character named Sora who was a player in the first version of The World. The first player to be made into an Epitaph for the Cursed Wave. It is why Skeith chose you, Haseo. You were once the spine of that power when you became a Lost One. And I helped the .hackers free you from it's chains." All three of them go rigid with shock. Haseo bug eyed to nearly drop his weapon. And Kuhn chokes on his words. "You know about the Epitaph Users?! So Yata was right?! You're one of the .hackers from the first game?!" My sigh is full when I turn to Kuhn. And my voice is a little faded. "It took Wiseman long enough to piece it together. Yes, I was helping a character named Kite by playing on his avatar. Since it made more sense for me to help him level and to get our grouping gear. His was the avatar blessed by the Key of Twilight to be given the Data Drain ability. So he asked me to help him power level and to ensure that Kite was always around on the servers. When Kite's original player was asleep or at school, I was online keeping tabs for Wiseman and Helba and the others. That way we had our bases covered twenty four seven. While I also power leveled my own character on the side. But there was one person that I tended to bump into. Whether it was during my all nighters or early mornings as Kite, or on my own avatar. And that was a shy Wavemaster I grew very fond of. Someone I spent hours of time hunting Aromatic Grass for. Even when I knew he would give it away to his Mia." My eyes turn to Endrance when he goes wide eyed. His gaze full of shock as I smile at him. My good hand pointing to him as my words continue to pour from my lips. "You were the one I wanted to find the most, Elk. If only because I knew Mia might not linger with you like she did before. The idea that you were alone without her or anyone else... It broke me into pieces with each day that passed... And yet here you were in front of me the whole time... Some friend I am... I left you alone in the crowd... And for that... I'll never forgive myself..." Endrance frowns to plant his feet. His words so elegant they wash over me with sweet warmth. "You've been there in your own way, Adelha. I may have been alone for a bit. But it was clear to me you genuinely wished to reach your hand out for mine. Just like that one soul I met before. That twin blade with the crimson hair. Her name was always on my mind. And I never forgot her or Mia. I wondered if she was you. And I wish I would have asked instead of letting my fear silence me. Something I am so prone to do even when I know better. There is no need for you to ask for forgiveness, Adelha. There never was and never will be for that." My eyes hold warth and fondness even as I chuckle. And Endrance sees that look to smile a little at me. The words not needed between us. But then I turn my gaze to Kuhn. And my eyes hold nothing but pain as my words flow freely. "And yet some chose silence as their weapon... So unbecoming of a knight of olden days... Wouldn't you agree... Sieg?" Kuhn jerks as he hisses in air through gritted teeth. And his hands are shaking when he speaks. "Adelha! Stop! You know that regular players aren’t supposed to get involved with this side of the game! They can’t know about the Epitaph Users or AIDA or the Lost Ones! Even if I had known you were one of the .hackers, I still would have kept you out of it! The last thing I want is for you or anyone else to get hurt!” But my words are well honed arrows. My body aching even as the AIDA virus burrows further into my character and me in turn. "Oh but my oaths from then still hold now, Kuhn. Especially when those boss fights against the Cursed Waves filter through me to this day." I give him the most pointed stare as my words become more warped. The memories filtering through my head as I speak. "There was one moment that I dream of still. A fight I was not sure we would win. And it sent fear through me even as we stood our ground. I remember the Magus well, Kuhn. Something you might wish to hear.” Kuhn goes dead still for Haseo and Endrance to flank him. And all three of them hang on my every word. “I was the one with Kite on my own character when he went and fought that thing. We faced a leaf of utter ruin that floated about the distorted field. It's remnants like bombs to rend us open and leave us with barely a health point in the bar. Then it got it's Data Drain off. Kite would have been toasted if I hadn't jumped in the way. And when it hit..." I gag at the memory as the wing at my back shivers. My eyes squeezing shut as I pant for air. "I dropped the controller as my scream caught in my throat... It felt like someone drove red hot knives into my retinas.... My ears were roaring with the backwash of static... And my body went up in flames... A feeling none of the Lost Ones will ever erase from our memories!" I then look to Kuhn to drive the final verbal nails into the coffin. And they are ones I know cross the line. "Which was worse, Sieg... When your first girlfriend and yourself fell into the dark... Or when you found out I ended up in the hospital three times over... Who was harder to lose... Yourself... Me... Or Minase..." Kuhn gives a hard retch the same time Haseo and Endrance grab him to keep him on his feet. Haseo shouting at me, "That's going too far! Don't let AIDA strip away your control, Adelha!" Endrance looks so angry I almost flinch. But my words keep going. And no longer is the dissonance a minor note to my voice. It's edged tones having taken over in entirety. "What makes you think she can even speak anymore, Haseo? Or should I say... Ryou Misaki..." Haseo goes bug eyed the same time as Endrance. His silken voice full of aprehension. "Wait... Sakaki told you our real names along with the player information?" My head tilts to the side for a sickening pop to sound out. Those darkened tones continuing. "And addresses and phone numbers and previous character info and much more. She wanted to get in contact with all of you so desperately. The wooden bird she carved sitting on the desk waiting to be gifted to her Elk. And she never breaks her word. You know that well. Kaoru Ichinose." Endrance shivers as Haseo snarls. While Kuhn grips his weapon tight. His words shaking. "Stop it! STOP!" But my grin spreads even as I lift that clawed hand up in a mock gesture. It's fingers clenching with gleeful expectation. "She can't, you clueless fool. I'm the one in control now. That damaged human player is too busy having a seizure. The kind you humans can't get a single breath of air during. And she's across the Pacific besides. Your cardinal bird is going to die very soon. Tomonari Kasumi." Kuhn goes so still he stops breathing. With Endrance looking just as horrified. But it is Haseo that moves first. His roar of anger and fury full blown for him to slash at me with his broadsword weapon. And his words are molten fury. “LET HER GO!” My clawed hand catches the blade with ease. The voice sounding amused even as my eyes continue to bleed. The irisies rolling back in the sockets as I say, “Not until there’s nothing left of her, boy. What chance do you have of stopping this?” I throw Haseo a good distance. My words still broken up like a bad recording. “None of you can save a human over the game. What can any of you players do?” ***** Endrance throws his arms wide to stand in front of Kuhn. And the strike AIDA was going to give halts to tremble in the air. The black needles shivering as Endrance keeps his gaze to mine. Haseo coughs to get up on his knees. With Kuhn gripping his one side to pant for air. But it is Endrance that takes those steps forwards. His blade moving away the needles to clear his path. And his words are ever full of soft grace. “Long ago, a lady gave a shy boy a promise. That no matter the circumstance she would never cause harm to him. That she would instead fight for him. To protect. To defend. To uplift. To steer him towards the proper course. And always would she call him loved. That lady was one who knew the cost of loneliness. She knew what it meant to despair. And so she swore an oath to another sad soul. To place her heart with him even as she held his own as prized.” Endrance lifts his free hand up to lightly touch over one of the needles. His words so warm and soft they have me shiver. “Those oaths are still kept even in the heat of battle. Why else would Haseo and Kuhn be so hurt, yet my own frame has been left unmarred. AIDA may have robbed you of much, Margaret. But you still have enough control to keep your word to me. I know you would never harm me. You would rather die. And that is a very close outcome, Margaret. Which would ruin me in the truest sense.” I can’t help but tremble even as the needles start to fall harmlessly to the ground. Haseo using a few healing items on Kuhn and himself as Endrance keeps walking forwards. The Blade Brandier soon close enough to place his free hand to my face. His touch gentle yet searing as Endrance leans in to whisper in my ear. The words so full of love it sends my all black eyes wide. “My lady has kept her vows. All for her favor to shine through the inked tides. You have no more power over her. And as such we deny your claim over her.” Endrance places his forehead to mine even as I whimper. My words that of my own voice to beg him with aching need. "Endrance... Get Kuhn and Haseo out of here..." Both Kuhn and Haseo still as my words keep going. Endrance keeping his head to mine for his own eyes to close. "The leaves are falling... You'll have seconds... Get them out... Save them..." Endrance opens his eyes to lift up his other hand. His fingers still holding his weapon even as he touches over my face. The blackness over my frame shivering even as I beg. "Kaoru... Ryou... Tomonari... Run..." My body goes limp the same time Endrance hugs me tight. His power washing over me as Macha answers his summons. Her voice sounding over the room as Endrance is flooded over with the markings of his Epitaph. The glowing sigils glaring bright as he hugs me for hearts to touch. The AIDA over me shivers and screams. It's darkness melting away to drop to the ground as Kuhn and Haseo get it in gear. Each one summoning their Epitaph with shouts of power. While Endrance keeps his hold over me. His own Macha fully forming to cradle me in place as the field changes. The AIDA laced over me as hissing snakes. Several of them with fangs buried deep. But the bulk of it is a giant whitened form. It's talons and claws menacing even as it swipes at Skeith. But it is fruitless as Skeith just cleaves the claws in twain with it's scythe. While Magus is more inclined to rip them clean off. It's tail smashing into the whitened creature to have it scream. With Macha holding it in place. The fingers cradling my limp form as the snakes of AIDA coil and writhe. And all while they fight to rip and attack the AIDA that has me in it's sway. Moments of shifting occur to replace Macha, Magus, and Skeith with that of their wielders. Haseo roaring in all his strength. Kuhn gritting his teeth to look more determined than ever. Endrance hugging me close to cradle my head in one hand. His words echoing over the field once they have brought all they may to finish this fight. "We have little time left! Kuhn! Haseo!" Kuhn nods to waste no time. His weapon gleaming even as he roars. And the Data Drain strikes true from both Skeith and Magus. With Macha holding me up for the shot to go through only me and not Endrance in turn. Skeith's attack ripping apart the whitened horror even as Magus focuses on me. And the AIDA shrieks to then shatter. It's remnants bursting as the snakes fall away from me. Macha letting me fall from it's hands as Kuhn flies forwards. His arms out to catch me as he shouts my name. "Adelha!" My eyes stay closed for me to not utter a single breath. Kuhn choking to cradle me to his heart. A few tears falling as he begs, "No... Adelha... Please... Don't go..." Haseo and Endrance are soon their to each take one of my hands. Endrance lacing his other hand to my shoulder. His soft words full of pleading. "Do not leave us Margaret. Stay with us." Haseo grips my hand tight. His own words growled but breaking. "Please. Wake up." ***** Yata looked very unhappy as Haseo and Kuhn ran into the room. Endrance and Pi soon to follow as Zelkova stood with Matsu and Atoli. And Yata was the one to speak first. "We have news. But it is not favorable." Kuhn cuts a hand through the air to state, "Just tell us! How is she?!" Zelkova frowns to shift a little. His words flooring. "Adelha is in the hospital. And this time they have her on full life support. She's not breathing on her own. And her heart has stopped twice. Once in her apartment. The second when you all reset The World. The doctors decided to place her on a special machine. One that provides oxygen to the blood without need for the heart to circulate it. And as such she has not shown any signs that she will ever wake up again..." Everyone in the room flinches. With Kuhn soon falling to his knees to punch a fist to the floor. His shaking evident as Endrance speaks. "But there is still hope?" Yata nods to bring up a screen and look it over. "She'd be in the morgue if I hadn't gotten a hold of someone in her area to break her door down." Haseo blinks to then look stunned. His question expected. "Wait. Who would be in her area that you could contact?" But Endrance goes wide eyed to answer. His voice full of several emotions. "Sanjuro... He was the only one of the .hackers that was also in America. He told Margaret that he was a teacher in Japanese and that he was playing on the Japan server to polish his speech. Margaret grew up in a home that had English and Japanese. So she was more than comfortable with speaking both." Matsu rolls the tension from one shoulder to interject. "She's also fluent in Irish. Her mother is directly from Ireland. She told me it's how she makes a living. She translates novels from one language to another. On top of her family being rich." The others take that in for Kuhn to ask the next question. And his voice is full of agony. "How bad was it..." Yata is reading the screen to shake his head. "Sanjuro found her in bed. In the middle of a grand maul seizure. He had to put his fingers in her mouth to keep her from biting her tongue off." Everyone winces again for Yata to continue. "The only reason she went still is because her heart gave out. And Sanjuro spent a good fifteen minutes trying to resuscitate her. The EMTs got there for him to ride along. If he hadn't been there..." Yata clenches his fist to grit his teeth. The others just as upset as the room goes very quiet. But Atoli asks the next question. "Is this Sanjuro still with her?" Yata nods to swivel the screen so everyone can see. And they all go wide eyed. For there on the screen is a photo. Of a young woman with fire streaked brown hair laying in a hospital bed. And Matsu hisses to recognize the one in the bed. "Addy!" Yata looks to Matsu to ask, "You know what she looks like?" Matsu nods to rub a hand to his head. "She sent me a bunch of photos over my phone. So yes. That's her." Kuhn looks to Matsu to frown. His words a bit flinted. "And when did you two get so damn close?" Matsu growls to cross his arms. "Watch it, lover boy. I'm not your competition, if I was you'd have never gotten anywhere near her. So don't start with me when I'm already planning on stripping your ass for what you've already screwed up. The only one you have to fight with in that regard is Endrance." Kuhn looks to Endrance the same time Endrance reaches down to offer Kuhn a hand back up. And Kuhn takes it willingly. So the two keep their hands together to stare at the other. And it is Endrance that speaks first. "All I want is for Margaret to wake up again. The rest I will gladly let wait. Our lady needs her knights, Kuhn. And so we must focus our efforts." Kuhn nods to pat Endrance on the shoulder with his free hand. And never before has Kuhn looked more serious. But Zelkova poses a question to the others. His voice still soft but commanding. "And to do that, we need to find her in The World. Or wherever she fell into from this place. But so far neither Yata or myself have found a trace of her. She's still logged in. Yet we cannot find her location." But Haseo has a passing thought to step forwards. And his words are full of confidence. "There's only three places she could be. And we can get to each of them easy enough. The first is Hulle Granz Cathedral. The second is Dead World of Indieglut Lugh. The third..." Zelkova finishes to nod his head. Agreeing with the assessment. "Inverted City Megin Fi. It's a sound theory, Haseo. But what if she's in a place that is not so easy to get to?" Haseo clenches his fists before he answers. "Then I open the Gate by ripping it apart! And to Hell with the rest!" But then Yata has a thought to cross his arms. And his words are sobering. "There is one place she might linger we cannot reach. Even of it is one of the Lost Grounds." The others look confused for Zelkova to answer right away. "Balbol Museum? Why would Adelha be there?" But Endrance nods along with Yata. The Blade Brandier agreeing. "It holds all the wisdom of The World. All for Aura. This will not have changed despite the reprogramming. If anything... Aura may have placed Adelha there herself. Out of all the .hackers, Adelha spent personal time with Aura. She gave Aura many gifts in that she read to her and sang songs to her. They called the other friend. So should Adelha have fallen so far, it is not unlikely Aura had her moved to a place of safety. Where no harm might find her." ***** Each of the Descendants of Fiana stand before the altar. Their forms like sentries as Haseo and Kuhn run forwards. Endrance choosing to walk as Haseo kneels over to pant for air. But Kuhn gets right up in Azure Kite's face. His demands a shout. "Where is Adelha?! We know that you all had a hand in keeping her out of the way! So out with it!" Azure Kite seems more interested in watching Endrance walk in than answering. Azure Balmung shifting a bit where he stands. But Haseo tells Kuhn, "Getting hostile with them isn't going to make a difference. They are only the gate keepers and protectors. Yelling won't help." Kuhn gives a tisked noise to step back a bit. "Sorry. I'm just really anxious to find her before the doctors decide to pull the plug on her." Endrance sighs to nod in agreement. But his words are calm. "They won't. One of the other .hackers is a doctor and made several calls to the hospital where Adelha is. He was able to convince them to keep her on life support indefinitely." Haseo asks, "How would he even be able to do that when he is from Japan like us?" But it's Kuhn that answers. "I had CC Corp declare anyone that is a Lost One to not have their life support yanked due to lack of funding. And Yata found out that Adelha listed Endrance, himself, Sanjuro, Matsu, and me as next of kin to oversee her hospital care. So nobody can do anything without getting their legal asses handed to them." Endrance looks to the three Descendants of Fiana to then simply extend his hand. His voice calm but full of insistance. "Please. Take us to the one we seek." But the three simply stand there. None of them move. So Haseo growls to plant his feet to insist with his own words. "You're not here guarding thin air! You all don't show up unless Aura tells you! So what will it take to get you to open the damn door?!" The Descendants look to each other before the answer is given. Azure Kite reaching up to point to his head. Azure Orca nodding to then do the same. While Azure Balmung sways a little in place. And Kuhn realizes the answer to blink. "Music? But what song do we play?" Haseo rubs a hand to his head to growl again. Endrance thinking to then shake his head. They all know I tended to cycle through music on an hourly basis. So it could be one of over fifty songs. But then another walks into the church. And he sounds very annoyed. "You're kidding right? None of you even know that much? Geez. Good thing I decided to show up. Else you'd get nowhere. And I brought a friend along. Someone that cinched it for me." All six pairs of eyes turn to see Matsu walk in the door. And someone is following behind him. That of a Heavy Blade that mirrors a samurai of old. Making Endrance go wide eyed as the two new arrivals walk forwards. The Blade Brandier looking very surprised. "...Sanjuro? Is that you?" The old samurai nods to roll one shoulder. His voice like gravel even as Matsu stands next to him. "That'd be me. Somebody got tall. Good to see you, Elk. Though I wish it was under better circumstances." Haseo and Kuhn look wide eyed as Endrance shakes Sanjuro's hand. His smile very hopeful even as Matsu speaks. "Yata called him to give him the update. Turns out Sanjuro has a portable gaming headset and he got the go ahead to log in." Kuhn frowns to ask, "She okay?" Sanjuro gives a grumble to shake his head. His voice more hard. "She's ice cold and not budging from her limbo. It's why I switched my character to the Japanese server. Though I had to move to another room to lay down in a different bed. They think I'm asleep right now. But I figured you'd need a bit of info on what I found at her house." Sanjuro turns to look to Endrance to smile. "She was gripping that wooden bird the entire time, Elk. She hasn't let go of it yet. Nobody can bring themselves to take it from her. So she's still hanging on. We just have to make the bridge for her to get back." The others nod to then look to the gate keepers. The Descendants of Fiana waiting to have not moved from their places. So Sanjuro looks at Matsu to nod. Matsu nodding in turn to then open his menu. So Haseo asks, "How do you know which song to play?" So Sanjuro looks to Haseo when he answers. "It was the one song playing on a loop when I got into her house. And it's the one she plays the most out of all of them. I checked the history. This has to be it. It was really unsettling how well it fits with this whole scenario too." Matsu flinches as Kuhn frowns. "Which song was it?" So Sanjuro answers. "It's from an anime Adelha fell in love with. Some show called Fate Stay Night Unlimited Blade Works." Kuhn goes wide eyed to finish the comment. "Last Stardust by Aimer." Matsu huffs to finish with his screen. His words full of anxious nerves. "Okay. Hopefully this goes through and doesn't blow our ears out. So say your prayers." Matsu turns the song on for it to play through his computer. The song wafting over each ear piece for the background music in the Hulle Granz Cathedral to even change. Sanjuro gripping his sword automatically. But the change settles over for the Descendants of Fiana to look very pleased. Their heads nodding to the music as the song plays. And Kuhn feels himself shiver as the lyrics wash over him. A kind of knot unfurling as he closes his eyes. Matsu noting, "Wow. You were right. This does suit her by a lot." Haseo nods to look to his one hand. His own comment very unsettled. "I could say the same really. At least it feels that way. It's so pure in sound and rich in emotion I got shivers when I first heard it." Sanjuro closes his eyes to note, "Margaret always loved music that voiced her inner struggles. It's why she always had music playing." The others nod to listen to the song in full. Endrance standing very still as he shivers. But by the end of the song, the music begins again. Matsu blinking a few times to state, "What the- I didn't put this on repeat. What gives?" But Kuhn notes the way the gate keepers turn to face the altar. Each one unsheathing their weapons to point them to that slab of stone. And it is then a tear opens in the air. A glowing mist billowing out as the others stand firm. Until the tear is wide enough for a player to enter. The Azure Knights turning to then step aside. Azure Kite giving a long sigh of air to then point to the portal. And he does so with a forced amount of haste. So all five men nod to hurry forwards. Kuhn being the one to jump in first. Followed closely by Endrance and Matsu. Haseo let's Sanjuro go next before he steels himself. Then he gives a shout to run forwards and vault into the portal. The Descendants of Fiana bowing down to then wait until the players return. ***** The bed was soft under me as I watched the sky change with unblinking eyes. A few butterflies landing in my hair as I lay there unable to move. I didn't twitch. Didn't breathe. I simply existed. And Aura spoke into my ears though I still could not see her. That voice so full of warmth yet so very sad. "How long will you let this death keep you here?" I had no breath or voice to answer. The butterflies soon taking flight to land in the flowered bushes that were close to the bed. This same bed that once held Aura. Before she had awoken in The World. Her prison as much as her place of beginning. The place that would mean my end. And yet I was willing to stay. To linger and become a permanent fixture in this scenery of olden memory. The teddy bear floating in the air next to my foot. And I just watched as the sky kept changing. From simple clouds to stars to sunrise and to many other visions. Sights of days long past filtering into the canopy to play like home movies. My mother singing to me as I lay in my crib. My father smiling at me to offer his last bite of onigiri while I sat in my high chair. Learning to read as my grandfather played the koto for my grandmother. Flying a kite with my parents one summer afternoon. The memories played on and on as I lay there. And there were other voices besides Aura that I could hear in the distance. Her own voice sounding right next to my ear. "You have visitors. And they came a long way to get to you." Then those footsteps got louder. A shout soon followed a figure nearly toppling over to kneel over me as I lay in that bed. Kuhn looking down at me in fear and much sadness. His eyes streaming for those droplets of hot salt water to land on my face. One even landing in my eye to trace down that cheek. And I was unable to do anything other than watch. Kuhn begging and pleading as he took in the sight of me. "Adelha! We're here! Wake up! Adelha! Why aren't you moving?! Say something! Just what-" But then Endrance comes into view on my other side. And he looks very concerned before reaching his hand out. His fingers hovering over my nose and lips. Kuhn goes dead still as the moment lengthens. Haseo soon voicing his presence. "She's not breathing, is she Endrance. Just like in the real world." Endrance flinches to close his eyes and nod. Kuhn reaching out his own hand to press his fingers into my neck. His eyes still streaming as he shudders in agony. "No... There's no pulse... She's... Adelha! Please no! You can't be gone!" Then Matsu makes a grumbled noise from behind them to stomp over. His growl full of worry. "Enough Kuhn. Her avatar is still here. And therefore she has to still be here. So stop lamenting and start thinking." Kuhn closes his eyes to rub at his face with one arm. His rended pain plain to see as he gives a hard cough of air. Then he just sits himself in the bed right next to me, his breaths of air coming in hard drags and sobs. Endrance then moves away to then sit on the bed by my feet, which has Matsu move into my field of vision to look down at me instead. His eyes taking me in with a fierce frown as he curses. "Damn it all Addy. You have to still be in there somewhere. I won't accept that you just up and faded away to leave all of us hanging. That ain't you and we all know it. So what will it take to get you up and living again." Endrance shakes his head to lace his hand in mine and grip as tight as he can. His eyes turning to the sky as the memories continue to play. Haseo also looking up with his arms crossed for him to watch. "Just like with Atoli. Her memory for whoever is here to relive with her. I'm guessing that Wavemaster is you, Endrance?" The Blade Brandier hums in confirmation to give a nod of his head. His voice soft as he speaks. "She had invited Mia and myself to go dungeon raiding. So we could upgrade our weapons and hunt for Aromatic Grass in the open fields. We spent hours searching the map and the dungeon below. And I was the only one to find any Aromatic Grass. I immediately gave it to Mia. Who was very pleased to pat my head and thank me. And I was so happy to be praised by my Mia. It wasn't until after I had logged out that I realized I never once thanked Margaret for taking us to that area. Or for spending all that time with us looking. I hadn't even thought to give her a thank you when we got back into town." Haseo watches as they see my reaction to when Elk had given Mia his gift. And they see the sadness in my eyes even though I had turned away. And how I had just waved to Elk and Mia when they logged out from town. That smile crumbling as I leaned into a wall. Looking very hurt as I rubbed one hand to my face. But then they see another walk up. That of a samurai to look at me with understanding. Then he stood next to me to place a hand to my shoulder. I looked up to hear him speak with that tough smirk he always wore. And even though there is no audio to these memories, I hear Sanjuro speak for him to echo what was said in that moment. "It is so like a kid to forget their manners. So don't think that what you do isn't appreciated, Margaret. Because when you give in good faith to others, you get back even more." Matsu moves away for another to take his place. And there looking down at me is an older yet very familiar face. His hair much longer and done in a ponytail. The strands of red mixed brown holding white streaks in several places. His one eye no longer hidden behind that black eye patch. And his eyes are the same faded hazel wood color as before. His face exactly the same as his first avatar. And he looks down at me with a sad expression. A gloved hand soon placed at my cheek for his words to wash over me at long last. "God I missed you Margaret. Spent so much time wondering where you were. And here you are. As cold and lifeless as the body in the hospital bed I've been sitting next to." Sanjuro traces that hand down my face to sigh with a hard huff of air. His voice deeper and more flinted as he berates himself. "Five blocks. That's how far away you were from me. Five damn blocks that might as well have been an ocean or more. I ran that whole way to get to your little house by the park. Never ran harder in my whole life. Kicked the door down when I did get there, too. It was really damn clear you were in a bad mess. The banging and thrashing you were making was audible from the street. And I had to hold you down as you thrashed like someone was electrocuting you." His eyes water for tears to fall. Matsu placing a hand to his shoulder as Sanjuro chokes up a bit. "You died right in front of me, Margaret. Fifteen minutes for the ambulance to get there. And that whole time I was cursing up a storm when I wasn't giving you air. Doctors told me I thrust down so hard I broke your sternum. But now we found you to make this right. From what Matsu said, you're still the same soul. And that means all you want now is what you wanted then. To have those that share love with you in your life. I know it took way too long for me to get to you. But I'm here now and I sure ain't letting you go without a Hell of a fight." Haseo walks over to stand at the head of the bed. His own eyes so much different than when he first met me. No longer is there that wild anger and short temper. Instead a more collected and serious gaze in those eyes as he watches me. And Sanjuro sits himself down on my other side to lift me up. His arms like great oak trees as he hugs me close. Endrance moving to still hold my hand tight as Kuhn reaches out to grip my other hand. Matsu soon reaching out to place his own hand to my shoulder. Haseo watching to grip tight to the bed frame. Sanjuro hugs me tight for my head to rest against his collar. His breath washing over the top of my head as I note the ever so soft drumming of his heart. And Sanjuro speaks with that grizzled bear of a voice I've ached to hear with all of my being. "I love you so much, squirt. We all do. We love you, Margaret. In our own ways. These young men have made it clear they want to keep you with them. And I want the same. I waited all these years to see you. Don't make me wait anymore. It's time for you to wake up. And be with the people that have been beside you all along." Sanjuro places a kiss to my head as the others nod in agreement. And something inside me finally gets warm. A stirring of heat that tickles at my senses. And I hear Endrance give a gasp of a noise to put both his hands in mine. Kuhn asking, "Endrance? What-" But Endrance cuts Kuhn off to exclaim, "Her hand moved in mine!" The others look hopeful as that warmth inside me spreads. Kuhn soon giving a gasp of his own as he places his free hand to my wrist. "You're right! Adelha, come on now!" Soon enough that warmth has filled me in entirety. Giving me enough strength to take a full and long breath of air. The sound so soft yet it sends all five men into a state of much excitement and relief. Sanjuro rumbling a hum of ease as Kuhn sobs to place his lips to my hand. Endrance lifting my hand up to place it to his heart as tears fall from his eyes. Matsu laughing as Haseo grins. All five of them watching as I murmur a little to then take another breath of air. Sanjuro keeping me upright as he rumbles, "Take it slow, Margaret. You've been lifeless for quite a while. It will take a little bit of time for you to regain your senses." Sanjuro then looks to Matsu to tell him, "Take my place here. The doctors will be running to my room any second now." Matsu nods to sit down on the bed. Sanjuro handing me over for Matsu to keep me upright. Haseo notes to the samurai, "Thank you." Sanjuro gives a bow of his head before he logs himself out of the game. Kuhn scooting a bit closer as he keeps his fingers to my wrist. "Adelha. It's all gonna be all right now." Matsu is smirking as he laces one hand into my hair to hug me close. His sigh very full of relief. "You scared us really good, Addy. Welcome back though." I gave a mumbled noise before my hands twitch. Endrance smiling despite his tears as he keeps my one hand to his heart. Words of soft joy pouring from his lips. "I have never been more grateful in all my life. We missed you so much, Margaret. So very much." Haseo nods to then say, "And now that we have you back, we won't ever let you fall again." It takes but a moment more before I lift my head up. My eyes blinking to clear my vision. And the first person I see is Matsu. His eyes misted over as he smirks at me. My words very faded but warm. "Matsu... How long... Was I gone...?" Matsu frowns for Haseo to answer instead. "Since the take over of Moon Tree, it's been twenty days." I feel so tired and yet so warm. My eyes clearing to really see. And I note, "And I'm... Really in game... As in I am my actual avatar..." Matsu nods to then hug me tight. Kuhn squeezing my hand as he nods. "We had to jump in all the way to get to you. So we're all probably laying in a bed out for the count outside of the game." The news has me close my eyes as such settles over me. And I take a deep breath to enjoy these blessed sensations that are more real than the waking world. My hand that Endrance has to his heart noting every strong pump against my palm and fingers. How Kuhn is gripping my hand so tight I can feel the rushing of blood through his fingers. How Haseo reaches out to lace his hand into my hair. And how Matsu is crushing me in his hug. And I have never been more happy in my entire life. "You guys... Are really here... Really actually here in my line of sight... My wish came true after all..." ***** Endrance lays with me on that soft bed for the others to wait a ways off. And I am hugging him as tight as possible to cry into his front. His hands cradling me close as I sob and hiccup. My words so full of emotion. "Elk... I missed you... So much... I'm so sorry... It took me so long... Please forgive me..." But Endrance simply hugs me close to sigh. His words so soft and full of love. "There is nothing to forgive. You were there when I needed you. Loving me even when you did not know it. And I am so very glad I was able to save you the way that you saved me." Endrance lifts my gaze to look into my eyes. And there is relief there as well as love. His voice so warm and sweet. "Hello Margaret. It is so very good to meet you face to face at long last." I give a choked hiccup to then lean forwards. Placing my forehead to his as I shiver all over. "I waited for so long... To really see you and hug you tight... I just- I- I'm not sure what to-" Endrance reaches up to place his fingers to my lips. And such stuns me so much I forget to breathe. His chuckle rich and warm. "You may call me Kaoru. And you may do so whenever you wish. Now then, you said there was something you wanted to do for a very long time. And so I urge you to do so. Go ahead, Margaret. Give me what you have desired to gift to me for far too long." I give a gasp to go very still. Endrance waiting patiently as I blush. But then I move to wrap my arms around his neck. And I place my lips to his to give Endrance that deep kiss I've been aching to give him for so long. Endrance goes wide eyed before going as red as the roses in his hat. Then his eyes roll back for him to hug me tight and kiss me back. And oh does this feel perfect. Our hearts touching as I drown in the sensation. Then I feel Endrance tilt my head to kiss me again. His hold on me gripped tight as we go up in flames. And when we do come up for air we are gasping and panting like we ran a marathon. And I swear I will etch this moment onto my soul for the rest of eternity. My words a molten sonnet. "My glorious soul of sculpted beauty and vibrant elegance... My heart has pined for your embrace with every tumbled flutter... And now you're here for me to savor... With every inhalation and sensation... No Heaven will compare... To what I hold in this moment... Kaoru... I love you with all of my heart and soul..." Endrance gives a shuddered breath of heated joy and desire. His heart giving fierce pounding motions against his sternum to echo against my own. And I shudder in the bliss of my heart matching the motions to fly to his own caged in his ribs. His nose to my own even as he presses my chest to his in a heated need we both are being consumed by. And his words are molten sunlight. "Margaret... Oh my beautiful Margaret... It hurts and soars... I've never felt so alive... Or so pained... Every heartbeat aches... I can barely think... Can barely breathe..." So I take the opportunity to hum and shiver in his hold. My words a breathless promise. "Kaoru... I'll keep your heart... I'll savoir every pumped beat in my hands... I'll cradle your heart and your life in my embrace... With every breath I take and every second I have... Please my Kaoru... My beloved angel of divine light... Take my own heart... Devour my soul... Capture all that I am... Pry my ribs open... Take out my heart as it trembles only for you... Give me a joyous reason to want it to keep beating... If only to feel your fingers against it... Kaoru... Love me now and forevermore... And I will live and love you with all my existence... I've wanted and loved you for so long already... Be mine... And take me as yours..." *****alternate***** Matsu logs out for it to just be myself and Kuhn. His sigh full of fatigue as he reaches a hand up to rub at the back of his head. "Why'd I pick an avatar with a ponytail. Having this much hair is annoying." I give a chuckle to look to the ceiling. My words full of warmth when I speak. "Actually, that long blue hair is what got my attention. Then you spoke into your mike and my toes curled. You have a captivating voice, Kuhn. And before I knew it I was falling for you. With every time we went through a dungeon or went to an event together. Just from your voice and the way you talked to me." Kuhn goes really still to start blushing as I recite a few things. And I know I'm as red as can be by the end. "Now don't you go making me fall for a beautiful woman. My heart could not take such. Especially if you just up and leave me to break my heart later. Oh so cruel it is to fall in love with such passion for a lovely maiden as this. It ruins me, yet I cannot seem to help myself. I am powerless before a beautiful maiden with such fire in her soul." I turn my head slightly to gaze at Kuhn from the side. And I'm breathless by now. "You have no idea how well that worked on me. How well all your gestures of endearment worked on me. Even when I was trying not to let you in. Even when I wanted to be with Endrance first and didn't want to fall for another guy. Yet I was powerless to stop what you did to me. You all but pried my ribs open to take my heart from me. And for the life of me I could only wonder if you would ever feel the same about me." Kuhn gives a gasp of noise to turn and really look at me. His blush spreading to his ears and down his neck as I turn away to look back up to the ceiling. And my words are full of heat. "Didn't matter you are in Japan. Didn't matter you were a flirt with every girl that looked older than seventeen. Didn't matter how much Pi warned me. The only time it hurt was when I found out you were the one that had suspended my forum priviledges and had deleted all my questions to find my friends. And even then I still was in love with you. Even when I pieced it together about you and Minase from what Sakaki gave me. Even then... I wanted to let you in to forgive you... I wanted to let you make it all right and how it was before... And I still do... I want you... To have my heart... Tomonari..." Kuhn stops breathing at this point. And I don't have the courage to look his way. I just stand there with tears in my eyes. My words sounding slightly uneven. "Have you ever realized how horrible it is to be in love? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest, ruins your heart, and lets that someone in far enough to destroy all that you are from the inside out." I shiver all over to lower my head. And my words ache. "You sure did that well enough... And yet I want more... I do love Kaoru dearly... He's the brother and friend and so much more to me than words could describe... But you are the one I am in love with the most Tomonari... Living without you... Is like inhaling knives... It slices into my lungs worse than anything I've ever known... And yet you never once said you are in love with me... I could be so wrong and have wasted so much time waiting for you for nothing... And yet I can't say I regret falling for you... The moments you gave me were good and precious... So if that is the case... Then you don't need to say anything... I won't ask for more than what you can give..." I hurt so much that breathing becomes painful. But then Kuhn walks up behind me. His hands reaching up to grip tight over my heart. And my hands cover his automatically. My eyes squeezed shut as I pant for air. And we stand there for a long moment as Kuhn hugs me tight from behind. Until his words whisper in my ear. So full of warmth and sweetness. "I was so desperate to keep you from getting hurt... And all I did was hurt you instead... I didn't want to watch you fade away like Minase... I swore I'd save you no matter the cost... I wasn't going to do anything other than bring you back from that dark blackness that ripped you away from all of us... I would fight and give my life to make sure your heart stayed beating... To save the woman I love..." I give a slight sob to go very still. Kuhn placing a soft kiss to my neck as he continues. "I failed you when you needed me most... And I know I don't deserve you anymore after what I put you through... And yet I beg of you to let me have you... All of you... Every good and bad and broken piece of you... In game and outside in the real world... I love you Margaret... More than my next breath... More than my next heartbeat... More than any other memory or feeling... Please Margaret... Forgive me of my failings... And make me yours..."

It’s been a good 6 months with these new systems and here’s my long inevitable rant on them.

Ok so I beat Demon Souls and Astrobot soon after the system releasing and it’s been just me playing PS4 games since on the PS5. The frame rate/resolution does improve on some titles but it’s not many as it pretty much has a be a game where it was unlocked so it has room to fill either/both, which Xbox does the same but the difference being PS5 with 47 titles(found a good list googling) and Xbox actually with Hundreds of titles.

Than we have 120fps games and PS5 is at 11 where Xbox is at 45. I’m super into 120 frames but I get it’s not for everyone and not many even have a 120hertz TV. For me, it’s a HUGE plus though. I’ve been messing with Titanfall 2’s 120fps boost and man is it a game changer. Nioh, a PS4/PS5 exclusive also got 120 frames and it for sure makes the game. Another one that would be unexpected for most is New Super Lucky’s Tale. A good platformer at 120fps is so much fun!!

PS5 does has the cool haptic feedback and strong pressure sensitive triggers. I wouldn’t use them competitively but for single player games it does add an extra layer of immersion that I liked. It is starting to get old and I been recently just turning it off. It’s much more impressive than the Switch Joycon’s HD rumble but with both of them you just get over it after a few months. With Tony Hawk’s remake I had to turn them off as it was dramatically messing up my combo game as triggers are super important when you need to do a reverb to keep a combo going and it doesn’t register because you have to be so quick with it and any pressure you have to add only makes it harder to pull off.

Game Selection

Both currently are in the same boat of not much new for the systems to play. Demon Souls does give the edge to PS5.

Ratchet and Clank and Horizon will be out this year, Ratchet getting very close now :) , but that’s about it. And Xbox has Halo coming.

Now 2022 and beyond Xbox now has 32 studios under their belt where 2 years ago they were at like 12. And Sony with PS1,2,3,and 4 has always had stellar first party titles so it should be the same with them, about 2 huge blockbusters a year. IF Microsoft can have these studios come out huge hitters than we could see a shift in who has more AAA big hitters, 10/10 games.

Huge win for Xbox with back compatibility

Xbox has where you can play OG Xbox, Xbox 360, Xbox One, and Xbox Series titles. For me this is one of my favorites as for some examples...

I been playing Lost Odessey the last few days because of the new game the same people made, Fantasian, which has become an instant masterpiece for me so I wanted to go back to their last game and sure enough it’s as good as JRPGs can possibly be. Also playing an original Xbox title that is 20 years old, Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic.

So having these games run so smoothly (as the original for sure had issues) and it be in 4K is just wildly cool!

Breathing fresh new life into older games is so nice :)

Game Pass - The best friend of gaming

Pay $10 a month and have access to a great selection of hundreds of games!

Some highlights

Destiny 2 + All Expansions

The Outer Worlds

Halo Master Chief Collection

MLB The Show

Ori and the Will of the Wisps

Outriders

Doom Eternal

Skyrim w/ Mod Support

Monster Hunter World

Slay the Spire

Hollow Knight

Yakuza Series

Grand Theft Auto V

Tetris Effect : Connected

Hellblade

Dishonored 1+2

Nier Automata

Dead Cells

Microsoft Flight Simulator

No Man’s Sky

Anyone could find at least 10 games they’d want and instead of paying 300 dollars for those 10 games (trying to take sales and older release dates into consideration instead of just saying $600 if all new titles), you could pay $120 a year or $10 a month and have more than you could ever want.

I been playing Outriders a ton and only because of Game Pass. I played the demo(beta) and I was very meh on it, but the more I play it as I didn’t have to buy it and it was just sitting there the more I realized that if you just ignore the horrible story segments and just play the game, it’s has an amazing gameplay loop and mechanics!

There has been many examples for me where I played it because it was on Game Pass and ending up finding something great I wouldn’t have known otherwise.

Plus than you have games you for sure would have bought and spent hundreds/thousands obtaining these games and now you don’t have to.

The Bigger Picture

You have a gaming PC, a smartphone/tablet, a cheap laptop with a browser... as long as you have access to a web browser or Google Play/App Store you can now stream Xbox games on these devices. And unlike other streaming services, you can also download these games to devices powerful enough to run them.

Got a gaming PC and a smartphone? Got an Xbox and a tablet? Install it on your PC/Xbox and than continue your game with your smartphone/tablet on the go. Everything is tied to your account when it comes to game purchases, subscriptions, and save files. Being able to jump to any device and not only play but continue your progress is ... well living in the future. We’re finally there, something we thought was only possible in dreams.

Media Optics

Sony has had major mishaps and here is a good video breaking it all down in a few minutes.

https://youtu.be/u6lzBl9kUf0

If you are unable to watch or just not wanting to watch some key take aways are this

-PlayStation has a few big hitters on the way but Microsoft has far more things in the works and if they become successful games Sony is going to be in a big losing position. Sony can release 1 or 2 great games a year but it won’t be enough.

-Sony’s competitor is investing, is excited, they have interesting personalities and they go in podcast and they do live streams. And they’re far more active on Twitter. They interact with their fans. “And Their studios don’t sound like fucking robots, and they don’t have the State of Play girl voice over and that’s it” “They aren’t stuck to a PlayStation blog post, where they can’t say a bad thing about anything they make”

-“You’re not going to be able to get by in a Game Pass ecosystem in 18 months, the way you would be now, unless you have something to compete. And if your not going to compete on the subscription level, than you need to have repeatable AA and AAA. More 2nd party and 3rd party exclusives”

-“I’m nervous, I been covering PlayStation (since early PS3 days), I been playing PlayStation since the beginning. If you not a little worried right now, I think you should be”

-“It doesn’t feel exciting right now. I turn on my PlayStation 5 and I just like, eh. Like it doesn’t even feel like they are trying to draw me in.” Sony has a very assertive and very active competitor, and PlayStation isn’t doing that right now

-In other dark moments of PlayStations history they had a strong Identity and a lot of games, they weren’t always great but they were trying. Now all they want to focus on is the few huge blockbusters. Meanwhile Xbox is making moves not only for tons of big exclusives to follow but this great and exciting Game Pass movement and being constantly active with their fans and bring big updates to their games and other companies games for their platform.

“PlayStation isn’t offering much to be excited for.” “I turn on the PlayStation 5 and I don’t see anything to be excited for to play” “I keep saying I don’t feel like you need a PS5” “I also wish they would talk to us. You can’t announced something huge like PS3 and Vita stores closing deep in a forum post people have to randomly come across” “You sold us a dev kit and than canceled the console’s store the next month”. Thank god they later go back on it.

Xbox has been having big and fun announcements at least once a week

Just today they added 12 more games with 120FPS boost enabled and another going from 30 to 60..

2 days ago they made it where you can play free to play games and join party chat without having to pay for an Xbox online subscription.

3 days ago they made it where iOS and web browsers can now access Game Pass

So what is PS5 Currently offering its competitor doesn’t have?

Demon Souls

Controllers with Adaptive Triggers and Haptic feedback

PS4 exclusives

So what does Xbox Series X|S offer that it’s competitor doesn’t have

Game Pass

Account saves and instant gameplay access across PC, Android, Apple, Web Browser

Quick Resume

(Queue up to 6 games to be able to switch back n forth between without the software having to close)

“Auto HDR” on games without native HDR support

91 Xbox Series vs 11 PS5 120fps games

VRR support

(Variable refresh rate)

Playing games off external storage solutions

Having Access to 4 generations of games dating back to 2001 with higher resolution and resolved frame rate dips.

1440p support and being able to select your resolution and hertz you want to run.

Xbox, Xbox 360, Xbox One Exclusives

The Future

PS5 “must have” games for future we know of

Final Fantasy XVI

Ratchet and Clank A Rift Apart

Horizon 2

God of War 2

Forspoken

5 big games in the next 2 years’ish.

Xbox “must have” games for future we know of

Scorn

Halo Infinite

Starfield*

Elder Scrolls VI*

Hellblade 2

2 this year, 1 next year, 2 maybe exclusives as with * they haven’t said if they will be exclusive or not.

Xbox will be at E3 and Sony will not so there is a possibility we do see all the game announcements from the 32 studios Microsoft has under their belt now but yes going off only what we know at the moment PlayStation’s intermediate future looks brighter. I do think it’s safe to assume that at least 3 more games could be huge coming from Microsoft and we just aren’t aware of it yet.

Of what we do know, I’d say neither is enough for someone to buy a system based of the exclusives we are aware of yet (with the exception being Elder Scrolls VI for millions, just not me) but more of the promise of what’s to come.

I am a HUGE Final Fantasy fan so for me XVI is enough for me to own a PS5.

The Ultimate Guide for Restarting Your Fitness Journey (5 Steps to Respawn Today!)

Today we’re going to tell you exactly how to restart your fitness journey.

Whether this is the first time you’ve had to “respawn” or the 50th, you’re in the right place.

We help folks restart their exercise or nutrition routines as part of our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program…and we’re really freaking good at it! Today, we’ll share with you the same strategies we deploy with them.

This time can be different. Learn how a NF Coach can help.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

Why It’s Okay to Start Again

Restarting Step 1: Forgive Yourself

Restarting Step 2: What Went Wrong?

Restarting Step 3: Change a Variable

Restarting Step 4: Respawn

Restarting Step 5: Supercharge Your Results

Get Back in the Fight (Next Steps)

Let’s do this.

Why It’s Okay to Start Again

So you fell off the wagon already.

Welcome to the club.

It’s called “being human!”

There are like 7 billion of us.

So how did I know you probably fell off the fitness wagon already?

Because statistically speaking, MOST people have already abandoned or missed out on a lot of the resolutions they’ve set for 2021.[1] Seriously.

However, have no fear. Since we treat life as a videogame around these parts, we’re all very comfortable with restarting or “respawning.”

First, we must…

STEP 1: FORGIVE YOURSELF

I heard a podcast interview recently about a man who had made a huge realization through seeing a therapist.

Specifically, their therapist asked them “Would you talk to somebody the way you talk to yourself?”

I bet the answer is a RESOUNDING “No.”

Nobody deserves that kind of abuse.

We’re often our own worst critic and our own worst enemy:

Do you know that voice in your head, that one calling you a loser or a failure?

Treat it like a different person.

You’re under no obligation to listen to it! It’s not you.

“Oh you think I’m a piece of s** and that’s why I can’t stick with a workout routine? I disagree strongly. I might have some faults, but I’m here, and I’m still trying. So shut up and get out of my way.”

You’re reading this, which means you’re trying. Forgive yourself. Then move on.

STEP 2: ASK WHAT WENT WRONG?

Your goal of working out 2 hours a day and only eating Keto failed after three weeks.

Congratulations!

You conducted an experiment that did not have the results you expected.

That’s neither a good nor a bad thing. Like any other experiment, it just… IS.

So write down specifically what your experiment entailed. 

What did you try to do?

I was going to exercise every day.

I was going to run a mile each morning.

I was going to eat strictly Paleo every day.

Look at your list: this is a combination of variables that don’t work for your lifestyle.

SIDENOTE: Learning from the millions of people that have come through Nerd Fitness over the past decade, my guess is that your experiment didn’t work out for one of two reasons:

Your goals were too vague: “I should exercise more this year” – For how long? How often? What kind of exercise?

You tried to change ALL the things: eat 1,800 calories a day (instead of your normal 3,000), go running 5 days a week (when you don’t exercise at all now), and get 8 hours of sleep a night (normally you get 5).

STEP 3: CHANGE A VARIABLE IN YOUR EXPERIMENT

You’re reading this guide, which would lead me to believe you’re interested in trying again to lose weight and get in shape.

To avoid getting the same results, we need to change the variables in the experiment to try and get different results.

You know…

For your next attempt consider adjusting one of the following variables.

Remember, any good experiment has accurate measurements for their changing factors! You don’t just put “some uranium” in a nuclear reactor. You know the exact amount.

We need to be exact with your variables.

Let me give you some suggestions:

Change the exercise variable: Did you actually enjoy the exercise you attempted? If you discovered that you hate running, great! Never do that again. “Exercise sucks,” so I would pick something you actually enjoy.

Try a substitution rather than addition: ADDING a brand new exercise routine into a busy schedule can be really challenging. Fortunately, you can focus on substituting or adding in a way that doesn’t take up more time: nutrition! How you eat is 80-90% of the weight-loss equation, and you’re already eating every day. So focus on substituting a vegetable for fries once a week, or swapping sparkling water for soda. You can also keep a food journal and change up your breakfast twice a week.

Adjust your “win scenario”: I get it. You were able to train in your home gym for the first few weeks of this year, going for at least an hour. But THEN…work got busy. And you only had 30 minutes, which wasn’t enough time to get through your workout. So why not set the win scenario at “30 minutes,” or “15 minutes,” or just “1 exercise”? Lower the bar!

This is a 10-year journey we’re on here, so the exercise itself is not nearly as important as building a routine of working out that fits into your life. Lower the bar for what a “win” scenario is.

Example: if you roll out your yoga mat for 1 set of 1 exercise, it counts as a win. Doesn’t matter if did a full hour workout or just a 5 minute set of push-ups. It all counts.

STEP 4: RESPAWN, GET BACK IN THE FIGHT

When you play a challenging video game, you’re going to die. A lot. (I died literally thousands when playing Hollow Knight, one of my favorite games in recent memory).

What happens after you die in a game?

You respawn, and try again!

You’ve learned a new tactic or pattern. You have a new technique. You’ve uncovered a secret. Or you’ve just gotten better. So you try, again.

And again.

And again.

And when you finally succeed?

Nirvana. Adulation. Pure joy.

There’s no shame in failing when it comes to weight loss. We have hundreds of stories of people who kept failing, but kept reading and trying, and then finally – something clicked.

And that next attempt is the one that changed their life’s path. Like Joe, who made like a dozen weight-loss attempt until he changed the right variable and got results:

So try again today.

Keep these things in mind when restarting your fitness journey:

Change your nutrition variable – try calorie counting instead of Paleo or vice versa.

Change your workout variable – try strength training instead of running.

Focus on building the routine by making the ‘win scenario’ super small.

Write down your plan, and start executing.

STEP 5: SUPERCHARGE YOUR RESULTS

I know hacking your experiments to get better data isn’t exactly “scientifically smart” or “morally responsible,” but I’m the one writing this email and I have more important stuff to say. So you’re just gonna have to deal with it.

Once you start your new experiment, here’s how you can stack the deck in your favor:

#1) Write everything down. Write down your workouts. Write down what you eat. Treat it like a science experiment, and you’re collecting data! Plan ahead. Be PRO-active (“I will do Strength Training Workout A at 4pm and tonight I’ll have roasted chicken and bacon-wrapped asparagus) instead of RE-active (“What should I do for exercise right now?” and “Ah, what’s for dinner? Oooh, Burger King!”)

#2) Recruit allies to your team. Don’t go this alone, as you’re more likely to succeed based on the people you spend time with and hang around. So recruit allies. Start spending more time with healthy people that empower you (even virtually), rather than unhealthy people that enable you and drag you down. Join a running group online. Find a lifting “accountabilibuddy,” or someone you can check in with.

#3) Hire a professional. There are two types of coaches worth the investment:

An in-person trainer if you are looking to supercharge your form on specific exercises like Olympic lifts, squats, deadlifts, etc. An in-person trainer can be good for people that need the accountability of somebody they’ve paid to meet them in the gym. Although to be honest, with the ongoing pandemic, gym availability and safety can be hit or miss.

An online coach that represents mobile, worldwide accountability. I’ve had a coach for 6 years and it’s changed my life. Knowing that I have a workout and nutrition strategy to follow each day is game-changing.

GET BACK IN THE FIGHT

An old mandrill named Rafiki once taught me: “Yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it.”

Okay maybe he taught that to Simba in The Lion King, but I too learned the same lesson:

TO RECAP:

Forgive yourself. You wouldn’t talk to somebody else the way you talk to yourself, so have some freaking compassion. You’re trying.

Identify what experiment you JUST tried. Write down what you believe went wrong over the past few weeks. Congrats – you found a strategy that doesn’t work.

Pick a new path, try a different variable. A good scientist meticulously tracks their data and writes down their hypothesis. I would change one of the following:

Exercise: do less – focus on building the routine and doing it consistently.

Nutrition: change less. If you couldn’t stick with a diet for 3 weeks, it was too restrictive. Try a different path.

Win scenario: don’t let “perfect” be the enemy of “good.”

And then try again.

If you want help here, I have two perfect ways to respawn today.

#1) If you want step-by-step guidance on how to lose weight, eat better, and get stronger, check out our killer 1-on-1 coaching program.

Many of our clients kept respawning for years, and it was only when working with a trained professional that they finally learned how to maintain progress.

Our Coaching program changes lives. Learn more here!

#2) If you want an exact blueprint for getting in shape, check out NF Journey. Our fun habit-building app helps you exercise more frequently, eat healthier, and level up your life (literally).

Plus, there’s a nice shiny button you can press so you can respawn in our app whenever you want! No judgement, restart whenever.

Try your free trial right here:

Alright, that does it for me today.

For the Rebellion!

-Steve

PS: If you want more tips and tricks on how to stick to your goals this year, check out 5 Hacks to Effortlessly Build Healthy Habits in 2021.

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Photo Citation: Oh My Goodness! Shut Me Down, The Iron Giant, “Hello, old friend. Is he ready for me?”, Happy Halloween!!, At the blacksmith’s (Part 2), Medieval Blacksmith

Footnotes    ( returns to text)

Forbes has a pretty good look at this.

The Ultimate Guide for Restarting Your Fitness Journey (5 Steps to Respawn Today!) published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/