'i hope larian picks up making pathfinder games' no you dont

young ben solo: what adventures do you remember mom!!!

leia organa: tax fraud

You said something about the zlibrary and I have been saving all my books and articles on my google drive and I’m wondering is that a good option cause I didnt see on your post.

Google Drive is helpful but ultimately still owned by a mega corporation so your privacy isn't guaranteed. The best way to keep file backups is to vary your sources, don't keep everything on one single backup. Especially when it comes to cloud storage which is reliable on a company server that could go offline, get hacked, or seize your files.

The golden rule of backups is to work in threes: You should have three separate backups, so one through just direct access like your standard local harddrive (i.e. saved on your computer), one that's on an external device that can be hooked up to your PC in case the local drive fails (so a USB or external HDD), and one that's off-site so you can access it anywhere (or if the first two backups fail) like Google Drive or Dropbox.

This can apply to any files you want to keep safe and secure, especially files that are unique and can't be easily replicated (see: drawing files, important documents, digital media, etc.) It might sound overkill and a pain in the ass, but nothing's worse than losing a file forever because of HDD damage or server raids or whatever circumstances that are out of your control. Always be prepared!

Hope that helps! <3

Top 5 episodes of TXF that you dislike

Thanks for asking @scullys-scalpel! I had to go through the episode list to remind myself of the ones I didn't like, and there were more than I was aware of (looking at you seasons 9 and 11...). BUT I was asked for my top 5 dislikes, so I went with the ones I have a visceral negative reaction to.

1. #Gender Bender (#s1e14)

I first watched this episode when I very, very young (like we're talking 10 years old) and I just thought it was so fucked up on so many levels LOL. Not only did the whole sex-pheromone/handing touching thing weird me out but I was also very unsettled by Scully throwing up after escaping Brother Andrew's seduction (I mean, I get it). I have a weird phobia around vomiting and combined with this ep's weirdness my anxiety was ratcheted up, so it's not one that I have revisited.

2. #The Gift (#s8e11)

Which brings me to this ep lol. I just can't. I could barely get through the first airing and haven't watched it since.

3. #Firewalker (#s2e09)

I am putting this ep on my list because of how much it terrified me as a kid. I was about 11 years old when it aired and it gave me such nightmares LOL. I had built it up so much in my mind that I avoided it in syndication and hadn't watched it since its first airing. That is, until I was showing the series to my husband and he made me watch it. Now, as an adult, it is much-less scary than I remembered but I nevertheless still turned my head when the spores burst through people's necks. The scene that absolutely terrifies me (still to this day) is when Scully finds an infected Jesse who is making those inhuman gasping sounds. It's a shame that this episode resides in my fear-centre as I completely missed the fact that Bradley Whitford played Trepkos until this most recent viewing.

4. #Roadrunners (#s8e04)

The saving grace of this episode is, of course, Gillan's acting but that's really about it. I remember thinking "what the hell did I just watch?" after it aired. The concept is just so bizarre and I thought it was ill-timed what with Scully's pregnancy. I'm sure that the writers thought that it only enhanced the urgency of the storyline by putting her and her unborn child's life in peril, but after having just come off the nail-biting season premiere, I thought it was too much, too soon to put Scully through that trauma. Not to mention that such physical trauma would likely put her pregnancy in serious jeopardy. It was just such an ill-conceived episode.

5. #En Ami (#s7e15)

I immediately disliked this episode from the first time it aired as it raised very serious questions about Scully's consent and bodily autonomy, that weren't really dealt with (until that infamous, completely inappropriate, retcon job in season 11, which was such a cop-out IMO). I was well into highschool when this aired and even then I remember being so disturbed by the implications that Scully was drugged and later undressed (and god knows what else) by CSM while she was unconscious. Not only that, but I thought the whole 'adventure' was completely out of character for her and such a slap in the face to Mulder. Sure, he's ditched her countless times before without rhyme or reason, but what she did was beyond the pale: no matter her so-called 'for humanity' motivation, she went off with the ONE PERSON who has SINGLE-HANDEDLY orchestrated so much destruction in Mulder's life. Obviously this created some very serious tension between them (that, I have to admit, is handled so deliciously in fanfic), but I found it jarring that there could be this level of betrayal in one episode (so shortly after Mulder lost his mother and put the mystery of his sister to rest) and a (presumed) consummation of their relationship a mere two episodes later. It just doesn't compute for me. I understand that the impetus for this episode was Bill Davis wanting an opportunity to work more with Gillian, and kudos to that I guess, but the storyline and its implications are so problematic that I just can't respect it.

And there you have it! My top 5 most disliked X Files episodes. Thanks for reading :-)

Hey! Huge fan of ur recasting posts and I’m sorry if another one is annoying 😭 not sure if you were a fan of the X-Files but if so, if there was a reboot, do you think it could work in modern times ? Would u change anything ? and who would you cast as Mulder and Scully?

Hey! Thank you, anon! These asks aren't annoying at all, I love putting my little casting agent hat on and playing around with reboot ideas, haha.

I actually watched The X-Files in full for the first time during the lockdowns, so it's pretty fresh in my head. They also announced in March this year that a reboot is happening, and will be adapted by Ryan Coogler, which has me pretty curious.

It's interesting to think about what a modern reboot would look like, because the original series really relied very heavily on the isolation of rural communities and limited tech (particularly everyone and their mum not having phones with cameras in their pockets) to create an atmosphere of both speculation and possibility. That approach I don't think would work today at all really, but I do think that can be flipped to look at just how pervasive and invasive tech has become which can lead to the same sense of possibility.

AI, deepfakes, catfishing, social media, to say nothing of the dark web, I think could really open up interesting avenues in terms of how the show explores both its alien and sci-fi themes, and its more horror-adjacent elements. That shift though in and of itself I think removes some of the original charm of the series, so it would certainly be an exercise in good direction, writing and tone management to find that urban legend-style spark.

As for casting, oooo, I think I'd go Lakeith Stanfield as Mulder and Jessica Henwick as Scully?

Between Atlanta and The Changeling, I think Lakeith has really shown his versatility in TV and I think could play that slightly out-there charm of a character like Mulder really well, and Jessica is just so charismatic on screen, but also sells that dry wit that Gillian Anderson did so well in the original run of the series.

What do you think? Who would you cast?

It's official... My hair is only one colour~ Appears different depending on the lighting so sometimes it can look black but in most cases, it does look dark blue~

can we talk about revival religions i want to talk about it... i like cant stress enough how concerning it is that people cant tell the difference between a closed practice that you need to belong to a certain community to understand vs. a revival invented by hobbyists for fun based on the texts of a dead (or...made up) tradition that everyone has equal access to & say things like “percy jackson is problematic because there are people who worship apollo” & get taken in by racists and nationalists bc they say shit like “we need to reclaim our marginalised indigenous heritage”. if u think thatbeing born in a nation state thats landmass roughly corresponds with the collection of ancient city-states that produced some of the most widely-disseminated literature in the world somehow puts you in the same position as an indigenous person begging white neopagans to stop burning white sage you really really need to unpack that... 

THANK YOU YAOI WARS FANS FOR GETTING US TO 30 FOLLOWERS!! US AT YAOIWARS.TUMBLR.COM AND THE PRONOUN POLICE ARE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!

with this we have an announcement... we are holding an

AMA!!!!!

Ask

Me (us)

Anything

ask us anything about the pronoun police, the yaoi wars, lore, and additional characters! OR ANYTHING ELSE!! WE DONT CARE!!!

loved your new article! a note about the EITC though: it actually benefits single people over married people? Two earners who would both qualify on their own at 15k, would be over the ceiling and wouldn't qualify at 30k, losing their credit

Answered during Kitty's AMA!

The article in question:

Unmarried? In THIS Economy? 7 Ways Our Society Financially Punishes Single People

Installing neon lights over my inbox rn

anyway

Unleash Your Creativity: Minecraft Java Edition Download Explained

Minecraft, the iconic sandbox game created by Mojang Studios, has captured the hearts and imaginations of millions of players worldwide. With its open-ended gameplay, limitless possibilities, and a thriving community, Minecraft offers a platform for players to unleash their creativity and build virtual worlds of their own. In this article, we will explore the Minecraft Java Edition, explain how to download it, and delve into the features that make it a haven for creative minds. What is Minecraft Java Edition? Minecraft Java Edition is the original version of the game, known for its robust modding community, extensive customization options, and access to dedicated servers. It is available for purchase and download directly from the official Minecraft website. Java Edition is compatible with Windows, macOS, and Linux operating systems, allowing players on various platforms to embark on their creative journeys. Downloading Minecraft Java Edition: - Visit the Official Website: To download Minecraft Java Edition, go to the official Minecraft website at minecraft.net. Ensure that you are on the correct website to avoid any fraudulent or unofficial sources. - Create a Mojang Account: If you don't already have a Mojang account, you'll need to create one. Click on the "Register" or "Sign Up" button and follow the instructions to create your account. Make sure to provide accurate information and choose a secure password. - Purchase Minecraft Java Edition: Once you have a Mojang account, log in and navigate to the Minecraft Java Edition page. Click on the "Buy Minecraft" button to proceed with the purchase. Minecraft Java Edition is a one-time purchase, and future updates are included without additional costs. JAVA EDITION MINECRAFT - Choose the Platform: Select the platform you'll be playing on, whether it's Windows, macOS, or Linux. The download will be tailored to your chosen operating system. - Complete the Purchase: Follow the on-screen instructions to complete your purchase of Minecraft Java Edition. You will be prompted to provide payment information and confirm the transaction. - Download and Install: After completing the purchase, you'll be able to download Minecraft Java Edition. Click on the download link or button provided on the website. Once the download is complete, run the installer and follow the installation prompts. Features of Minecraft Java Edition: - Extensive Customization Options: Minecraft Java Edition offers a wide range of customization options, allowing players to tailor their gameplay experience. You can modify the game through resource packs, which change the appearance of blocks, items, and creatures. Additionally, the Java Edition provides access to a vast library of player-created modifications (mods) that add new features, gameplay mechanics, and content. - Redstone Engineering: Redstone is a unique Minecraft component that enables players to create complex electrical circuits and contraptions. With Java Edition, you can delve into the world of redstone engineering, designing automated farms, intricate mechanisms, and even mini-games within the game itself. - Multiplayer and Dedicated Servers: Minecraft Java Edition supports multiplayer gameplay, allowing you to connect and collaborate with friends or join existing servers. The Java Edition provides the freedom to host your own dedicated server, granting you complete control over the gameplay experience and the ability to invite others to explore your creations. - Snapshot Previews: One of the distinct advantages of Minecraft Java Edition is the availability of snapshot previews. These are early access versions of upcoming updates that allow players to test new features and provide feedback to Mojang Studios. By participating in the snapshot testing, players can be at the forefront of Minecraft's development and contribute to its evolution. - Community and Modding Support: Minecraft Java Edition boasts a vibrant and passionate community. Players can share their creations, participate in forums and social platforms, and collaborate with other like-minded individuals. The Java Edition's extensive modding support empowers players to create and share their own mods, expanding the possibilities of Minecraft even further. Minecraft Java Edition is a gateway to boundless creativity and a testament to the game's enduring legacy. With its robust modding capabilities, multiplayer support, and an ever-evolving community, Minecraft Java Edition offers a playground for creative individuals to express their imagination and build immersive worlds like never before. So, download Minecraft Java Edition, unleash your creativity, and embark on a journey limited only by your imagination.

im a felix kranken kinnie, ama

ask me anything, and i mean ANYTHING

Okay so can I request zero overhearing that his crushes favorite color is green (bonus it if they describe a shade that’s close to his hair )

50 Shades of Green: Zoro x Reader

Includes: Roronoa Zoro , GN Reader

A / N: I assumed you meant Zoro lol. This is such a cute idea for a scenario ! I Hope you enjoy <3. I hope this is up to your standards !! Feel free to tell me in my AMA if you want me to redo this <33

It was a bright day , a day of relaxation. Everyone on the Sunny took this opportunity to take a break and enjoy themselves. Rather it be playing tag on the deck , listening to Brook play some beautiful tunes , or even just reading / tending to the garden. Everyone was being themselves and having fun. It was quite the break from the massive battles they've had recently.

You sat next to Nami , who was tending to her tangerines. Behind you , Robin sat reading her book. You and Nami had been chatting happily for what felt like hours. Robin , though she was reading , listened and observed everything to two of you were saying. She was ever observant , even if she was on break.

"Hey , I'll be back. I'm gonna go see if Sanji would mind making me something to drink." You said , excusing yourself from the 2 women. They nodded and waved to you as your form retreated from their vision.

As you jumped down to the kitchen , you noticed the two who normally fight . . . Well , fighting. The blonde haired cook seemed to be enraged about something while the moss headed swordsman just sarcastically commented back and basically brushed off the cook's complaints.

That swordsman. The very one that lacks a sense of direction in a literal and figurative sense. You felt your heart flutter as your eyes trailed to him. You shook your head and brushed pass them to get into the kitchen.

Though you didn't know it , Zoro's eyes followed you as the door shut behind your body. You walked over to the fridge and stared at all of your selections. As you sighed and closed the fridge , the door to the kitchen reopened. You glanced over to see who was coming in and noticed the cook. Sanji had apparently stopped arguing with Zoro and came to attend to your needs.

"What would you like , Reader ?" He asked with a smile on his face. Even if it was near dinner time , it was clear he didn't mind tending to his crewmates' needs. You smiled back at him and leaned against the counter.

"Are you able to make a drink for me ? I'm not sure exactly what I want yet. Or maybe a snack , if that's not too much to ask for." You trailed off as your mind trailed back to its thoughts.

"Of course. How about a vol - au - vent ?" He asked as he he began to take out the pastry from a sealed container. "I made some earlier for Nami and Robin , but they told me they weren't hungry." He shrugged and placed it on the counter for you.

"Thank you , Sanji." You bowed your head lightly and took one of the treats from the tray. You resealed the container and walked out of the kitchen.

Somewhere in the time that you had been inside , your ship had landed on an island. You looked at the gorgeous tree filled island in awe. It was lush with fresh vegetation and had many beautiful flowers. You've seen many different islands in the New World , but this had to be one of the nicer ones.

"Alright. I want Chopper , Usopp , and . . sadly . . . Luffy . . To go into town. Robin , I'd like you to go with them. We need you 4 to pick up some herbs for me and Chopper. Sanji , I want you and Brook to go stock up on food supplies. And Franky , you go get materials to repair the ship and for whatever else." Nami directed , pointing those people in the directions they were supposed to go. As she spoke , the groups filed out so they could get their job done as quickly as possible. It was hard to tell if it was because they wanted to go back to the sea or if they didn't wanna see Nami angry. Most likely the latter , you thought.

"What about me and Zoro ?" You questioned as you took a final bite of the tasty hollow treat Sanji had made. "I want you 2 to watch the ship. I'm going onto the island to chart it." She responded , picking up some paper and pens. Before either of you could say anything , she walked off of the ship.

You stood there , staring at the place the ginger once was. You blinked and turned your attention to Zoro , who seemed to be in the same boat as you. You wouldn't admit it , but you were happy to be alone with him.

You stood there , collecting your thoughts. While you stood like a statue , the Swordsman went off to work out. You shook your head violently and whipped your head around to find him. There he was , in all his muscular glory , at the end of the ship with a comically large weight in his hands. He had his coat discarded and he was thrusting the weight forwards and back onto his shoulder in a slicing like motion.

You couldn't help but stare. Everything about how he just so calmly lifted what you assumed to be over 400ibs surprised you. Instead of staring , you decided to go into the crows nest to keep a lookout for any enemies or your crewmates.

---

A few hours had passed by without either of you speaking to one another. The ship was in a comfortable silence , engulfing the both of you as you did separate things. You were bored sitting by yourself , if you were being honest. You were often fidgety and lost in thought instead of looking out. Of course , observation haki helped out with sensing living things but you didn't use it often.

Just as you were about to take a nap , you noticed a bag bobbing around the Sunny. You narrowed your eyes to see who it was and didn't see anyone. That was until you saw Luffy and Robin. You assumed it was either Chopper or Usopp. You smiled softly and walked down from your previous place.

You watched as the lump ran up to you. "Reader ! I got you something ! I thought it was your favorite color." The little reindeer doctor said excitedly as he ran up to you. He handed you a bag that was pink. Not your favorite color , but you liked his thought.

"I appreciate your gesture , Chopper. My favorite color isn't pink , though." You responded , putting the bag on your right side. You could definitely put your weapons and stuff in it. "Oh ! What's your favorite color then ?" He tilted his head with an adorable look on his face.

"Green , actually. I'd say a minty - moss green ? It's just really nice , in my opinion." You explained with a smile on your [shape] face. You heard a noise of surprise behind you and you turned. You didn't expect to have your [color] colored eyes meet with one brown one. Your face lit up.

"Greenisaprettycolorididntmeanitlikethat !" You sputtered out , hiding your face from his confusing stare. You couldn't tell if he was mad at you , if you were being honest.

"Green is a nice color , isn't it ?" Zoro mocked , laughing heartily. You were EXTREMELY embarrassed. Though , you didn't notice the red on his cheeks as well.

Chopper and Usopp laughed at your misery. They were even on the floor , about dying at that point. "I just didn't expect you to be into that color of green." He shrugged and smiled smugly at you. He turned and walked away from the 3 of you , cheeks reddening further.

Though you didn't know it , your words stuck in his head. It repeated like a broken record. He didn't understand why , but he liked the thought of it. Maybe his feelings for you grew , but he didn't know that. Maybe he should talk to Robin or Chopper about it. For now , he would sit and think about you. Even at night.

Plz don’t live brio fic world!! You’re a queen fic writer , don’t abandon us😩😭

Oh gosh, hahah, thank you, anon! I'm not planning on leaving, but I'm also not trying to push anything that doesn't want to be pushed right now either.

I've actually been writing a lot recently, having written about 20k new words (and edited a lot more) of an original project and somehow written 25k new words of a Stranger Things fic in about three weeks, and giving myself over to other creative projects I think has shown me how much some of my writers block has been attached to GG specifically. I've always used fic as warm ups / cool downs for original work, and I think I confused feeling burnt out by GG as feeling burnt out by writing, which I've actually been pretty relieved to discover.

I still have lots of GGs fics that I want to finish, but right now I just want to nurture the stories that are begging me to write them and to ride what's been a pretty fun and creatively invigorating tide. I know that some of my brio fics will be the ones wanting my attention again soon, but right now, I think I just need a little break from them. I'm sorry the timing sucks!

İddia(1)

Biz eşim Gül ile Almanya’da yaşıyoruz. Kendi halinde, mütevazi insanlarız. Eşim dışarıda bir hayli kapalı, bir o kadar da güzel bir kadın… İnce belli, geniş kalçalı, dikkat çekici bir güzelliği var. Çok seviyorum eşimi...

İkimiz de burada doğduk, genciz, 30 yaşındayız. Almanların arasında yaşamanın verdiği rahatlıkla, çoğu konuda daha esnek hareket edebiliyoruz. Gül, ailesinden aldığı yetişme tarzı, biraz etraftaki yoğun akraba ilişkileri, çevre baskısıyla diyebilirim, dışarıda örtülü kapalı gezmesine rağmen, evin içinde çok rahattır.

Benimse karımın tam tersi, pek o taraklarda bezim olmadığından daha havai, daha eğlenceye düşkün, yemeyi içmeyi, gezmeyi seven biriyim. Tanıştığımız günden beri hiç sıkmam karımı, hatta açılması, daha rahat davranması için teşvik ederim. 

Hani, deyimin tam anlamıyla dışarıda hanımefendi, yatakta tam bir fahişe diyebilirim onun için… Evin kapısından içeriye girer girmez o ağırbaşlı Gül gider, yerini sikişken bir orospu alır. Yatakta yapmadığını bırakmaz bana... Öyle seksi seven, sevişmekten hoşlanan bir kadın ki... Dostlar başına...

Kapı komşumuz olan Hans, karısını uzun yıllar önce bir kazada kaybetmiş, elli altmış yaşlarında bir Alman… İleri yaşına rağmen gençliğinde çok spor yaptığından dinç görünümlü, atletik yapılı biri…

Karşılıklı oturduğumuz Hans ile aramda hem komşuluk, hem de yaş farkımıza rağmen bir arkadaşlık ilişkisi var. Yalnız başına yaşamasını izlemek üzer beni, her gördüğümde davet ederim. Ona bizim geleneksel yemeklerimizden ikram eder, uzun uzun sohbet ederiz.

Tabi, bu yemeklerde rakı ikramı da rutin bir olay... Bizim rakılar, Hans’ın biraları derken, çok güzel sohbetlerimiz olur. Gül de bize sofrayı hazırlar, fırsattan istifade, kendi bayan arkadaşlarına kaçar, o da kafasına göre takılır.

Karımın evde olmadığı böyle bir akşam rakı kadehlerini yuvarlayıp, konuşur gülüşürken konu sekse geldi. Açık fikirli, hoş sohbet, neşeli bir adamdı, rahatlıkla konuşuyorduk. Fıkralar, dedikodular, semtimizdeki kadınlar vesaire...

- “Hans… Bir şey sormak istiyorum izin verirsen…” dedim.

- “Ne istersen sorabilirsin arkadaşım...” dedi.

- “Karın öleli yıllar oldu, evlenmedin de… Evine kadın girip çıkmıyor gördüğüm kadarıyla… Kadınsız nasıl yaşıyorsun, çok merak ediyorum.”

Şakayla karışık, gülerek sormuştum bu soruyu, ama gerçekten merak ediyordum. Bu dinç görünümlü adam seks yapmayı bırakmış olamazdı. Bir kahkaha patlattı. Eliyle mastürbasyon işaret yaparak yanıt verdi,

- “Ne yapıcam dostum, elimle idare ediyorum.”

- “Yahu Hans, elle nereye kadar gider? Böyle olur mu hiç? Orospulara filan gitmiyor musun gerçekten?”

- “Ben orospularla yapamam, asla… İtici geliyor bana... Ben evli kadınlardan ve özellikle değişik, özellikleri olan kadınlardan hoşlanırım.”

- “Değişik derken... Nasıl yani?”

- “Bak, açık açık anlatayım mı? Zaten konuyu sen açtın, sonra kızmak, gücenmek yok…”

- “Yok canım, niye kızayım? Aramızda teklif mi var? Neyse doğrusu söyle işte Hans… Nasıl değişik kadınlarmış onlar? Merak ettirdin, anlat şunu...”

- “Mesela, örnek vereyim, en başta senin karın…” Bunu duyunca yutkundum şöyle bir…

- “Gül mü? Benim karım Gül?” Yüzüne baktım, çok ciddi duruyordu, şaka yapmıyordu Hans… Ne diyordu bu herif? Anlatmaya başladı. Uzun uzun karımı bana anlattı.

- “Gül’ü çok güzel ve seksi buluyorum arkadaşım. Bebek gibi güzel bir yüzü var. Hem bebek gibi masum, hem aşırı seksi... İpek örtülerle başını örtüyor, tamam, okey... Fakat genelde dar ve uzun etek giyiyor. Böyle giyinince de kalçaları, uzun bacakları bütün güzelliğiyle ortaya çıkıyor. Anlarsın işte, sen de erkeksin.”

- “Yani... Ne diyebilirim. Karım işte...” Yutkundum. Herif doğru söylüyordu. Benden daha iyi gözlem yapmıştı, karımın güzelliklerini çok güzel anlatıyordu.

- “Evet, senin karın... Bir de o güzel kalçalarıyla manken gibi bir yürümesi, bir süzülmesi var, harika dostum... O uzun eteğin altına giydiği file çoraplar, ince parlak çoraplar da ayak bileklerinden görünmüyor mu? Her erkeği deli eder senin karın... Bizim Alman kadınları gibi her yerini açık saçık göstermiyor. Paketin içinde neler olduğunu merak ettiriyor. İşte senin karın gibi özel ve güzel bir kadınla beraber olmak isterdim.”

Kızmayacağıma söz vermeme rağmen yine de için için kızıp öfkelenmiştim doğrusu… Fakat konuyu benim açmam nedeniyle, hatta anlatması için üstelediğimden bir cevap veremedim önce… Sonra gülmeye başlayarak işi şakaya vurdum, takıldım, dalga geçtim Hans’la…

- “Hans, bizde bir söz vardır. Yaş yetmiş, işi bitmiş deriz. Sen beraber olmak istesen de, hatta karım gel yapalım dese bile karımı yapamazsın ki… Senin alet çoktan emekliye ayrılmıştır, çalışmaz. Çalışsa da karımla başa çıkamazsın yatakta...”

- “Dostum... Eğer karın bana bir kerecik *verirse, sen de seyredersin nasıl yaptığımı... Yeter ki siz bana o fırsatı verin dostum… Senin güzel karının hakkını öyle güzel veririm ki...”

- “Karım sana verirse… Benim fıstık gibi karım sana vermez ki Hans… Bu yaşta... Ne komik adamsın yahu...” Hala gülüyordum bunu söylerken… Gencecik karım bu herife verecekmiş. Bak hele sen…

- “Tamam o zaman… İddiaya var mısın?”

- “Yapma Hans… Kaybedersin. Benim karım sana vermez.”

- “Korkuyorsan iddiaya girmeyelim. Anlayışla karşılarım.”

- “Ne korkacağım canım… Peki… Kabul… Ama kaybedeceksin bak, şimdiden söyleyeyim…”

O akşam Hans evine gitti. Ben ortalığı toplayana kadar karım arkadaşlarından geldi, yattık. Yatakta karımla sevişirken aklıma Hans ile girdiğimiz iddia geldi. Elimde olmadan Hans’ın bu yatakta karımla seviştiğini düşündüm.

İddiayı kaybetmeyi düşünmemiştim bile o ana kadar… Fakat karımın üstünde gidip gelirken yaşlı Alman papazın karımı siktiğini düşünmek nedense tahrik etti beni… Daha bir ateşlendim, sertleştim, Gül’ü bağırtarak siktim.

- “Ne bu kocacığım? Her zamankinden daha ateşliydin bu gece…” dedi karım yanımda soluk soluğa yatarken…

- “Özlemişim seni sikmeyi aşkım…” diyerek sarıldım karıma… Ne Hans’la girdiğimiz iddiadan bahsettim, ne de Hans’ın onu sikme hayalinin beni tahrik ettiğini söyledim.

Birkaç gün sonra bir akşam işten gelmiş, yemek yiyorduk. Karım elindeki çatalı bırakıp bana baktı, yanakları kırmızılaşmış…

- “Biliyor musun aşkım? Komşumuz Hans bana hediye almış. Bugün öğleden sonra getirip verdi.”

Neredeyse ağzımdaki lokmayı püskürtüyordum. Şaşkın bir yüz ifadesiyle karıma baktım,

- “Ne hediyesi? Nerden çıkmış bu?”

- “Ne bileyim ben… Hem de pahalı bir yüzük almış. Öyle kibar, öyle sevimli bir hali vardı ki… Almasam kabalık olurdu, mecburen kabul ettim.”

- “Sen de hiç sevmezsin zaten, yüzükmüş takıymış... Adamın üstüne atladın değil mi pahalı yüzüğü görünce...” 

Neyse, alt tarafı yüzük almış karıma... Rahatladım biraz... Hiç olmazsa iddiaya girdik diye yatırıp sikmemiş Gül’ü...

- “Ay ne yapayım, çok güzeldi valla... Dayanamadım, aldım. Ben de teşekkür etmek için onu Cumartesi akşamı bize yemeğe davet ettim.” 

Off... Vay kart papaz vay… Hemen harekete geçmiş, karımı tavlama çalışmasına başlamıştı demek…Yüzüktü, ardından yemekti derken...

- “Eyvahlar olsun…” dedim sesli olarak… Bu kez karım şaşırdı,

- “Hayrola? Neden öyle dedin aşkım?”

Önce söylemek istemedim. Fakat karım çok üsteleyince anlatmak zorunda kaldım. Hans ile konuşmalarımızı, Gül hakkında düşündüklerini, onunla girdiğimiz iddiayı, her şeyi…

- “Geri zekalı…” dedi karım kızarak… “Beni siksin diye elin Almanıyla iddiaya mı girdin yani?”

- “Yahu ne olacak? Adam gelmiş altmış yaşına… Bu yaşta seni sikecek hali yok ya ihtiyarın… Öylesine tamam dedim. Ne kızıyorsun bu kadar karıcığım?”

- “Sen asıl ihtiyar kurtlardan kork.” dedi karım…

- “Aşkım, abartma bu kadar… Ben bile işten yorgun argın geldiğimde tekliyorum bazen, kalkmıyor benimki, sikemiyorum seni… Bu adam, bu yaşta nasıl kaldıracak da seni sikecek?”

- “Tamam canım… Madem sen böyle uygun gördün, kocam olarak sana itaat etmek zorundayım. Öyle olsun.”

Gece yatağa yattığımızda soyunup sokuldu bana... Elini sikime atıp okşamaya başladı. Dudaklarımı öptü. 

- “Anlat bakayım şunu iyice... Neler konuştunuz adamla?”

- “Ya, anlatacak bir şey yok... İşte, Hans seni çok güzel, çok seksi buluyormuş. Kalçalarına, bacaklarına, giydiğin çoraplara hasta oluyormuş.” 

Hans’ın karımın güzelliklerini anlatmasını hatırladıkça mı sertleşti sikim, karımın okşamalarının etkisiyle mi bilmiyorum, taş gibi olmuştu parmaklarının arasında...

- “Başka, başka? Anlatsana... Bu kadarla ikna etmemiştir seni iddiaya girmen için...”