I'm struggling

I don't know what to do

there are tears

and they are red.

Dripping down to my bone

I can't believe I just did it

a lonesome thought turned,

and I'm finally feeling.

I'm lonely.

The voices seems to

make sense, and giving in

feels like the only way to go

like this path was only meant

for me alone, and

no one can see the hurt

inside, I'm too good at that now

I'm falling into this black hole

my mind finally feels like my own

but there are tears

and they are red.

Dripping down to the bone

I can't believe this feeling

is the only thing that makes

me human.

No lies or truth

Just me and my being,

the unspoken, now the mind or the voices

has finally won.

#tiktok #random #loser #bored #lame #fan #me #fightingforme #follow https://www.instagram.com/p/BzIlwjjHlQw/?igshid=1962he9eo9q6b

Fighting

Orang boleh patahkan impianmu. Menyuarakan beberapa keinginan bahkan cita-cita kepada orang lain adalah sebuah kemustahilan. Tak semua memiliki respon dukungan yang sama. Ada banyak cara yang dilakukan orang lain untuk mematahkannya, entah sengaja atau tidak. Tanpa sadar, beberapa kata yang terucap membuatmu terjatuh. Tapi kamu harus percaya dengan kemampuan mu. Tuhan memberikan kelebihan masing-masing kepada setiap manusia. Dan Dia akan membantu mu agar terasa mudah. Usaha dan kerja keras mu tak akan mengkhianati sebuah hasil. Karena percaya kepada dirimu dapat mematahkan persepsi negatif orang lain terhadap dirimu Menyerah bukan berarti kalah. Masih ada banyak jalan yang perlu kamu lalui. Tuhan ingin kamu lebih kuat dari sebelumnya dan memberikan yang terbaik bagi kamu di waktu yang tepat. Jemput dan selesaikan apa yang sudah kamu mulai. Ini adalah bentuk rasa tanggungjawab terhadap apa yang sudah kamu pilih. Suatu saat kamu akan tau apa makna dibalik perjalanan panjang mu ini.

Just me finding my life ✊🏽 . I wasn't told it would be easy. I was told I would have to WORK. I was never handed anything. I will fight for ME and what I deserve. . This morning started out rough but I made it 😎 No matter what you’re going through you can overcome it just keep fighting 🥊 . . . . . . #keepfighting #shiftyourmindset #sweatisfatcrying #liift4 #liift4life #makingithappen #fatmomtofitmom #fitmomof4 #fitat41 #momof4 #fitmomsinspire #fightingforme (at Texas City, Texas)

🖤🖤🖤 No Regrets 🖤🖤🖤 : : : : : #noregrets #livingforme #blackqueen #singleblackfemale #singlelife #sandeeismyname #healing #gettingstronger #findingme #igotmyback #fightingforme #brownskin #locsandtattoos (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B66R3YvJrBC/?igshid=n3f0p6ed32ww

Today feels like.... I don't know. Monday I felt great. Great news...positive direction. Tumors in brain were shrinking! No brain surgery needed! I was so happy! Felt strong. Yesterday I had appointment with oncologist. Ovarian cancer has spread. Spread to colon... well that didn't feel good but I was still standing. I had my faith and my family and I was good. Sadly my marriage really really ended... we can't even communicate any more...it's either silence or argue. Badly. It's like war. And he's just trying to hurt me now...not even listening to me when I am trying to talk. In his world I'm just a villian... a whore...lazy... a problem. Anywho.... I released the relationship from my soul last night so I could work on my mind and my health. I sat in church in so much pain I was shaking. But I was glad I was there. God was there.... I was good. Sooooo today I see new Dr at the cancer center... they pull my files. He starts asking questions about family history that's not been asked before. They keep pulling records... ALL the records. ER records, every scan, every CT scan, all my blood work, all my MRI, biopsies, he has TWO nurses working.... and I observe a lot of notes being written along with the typing. What in the world???? He asked me to get on the exam table... he looked at me from across the room and asked... do you normally have tremors? And is that from the amount of pain you are in or is that something else? I was trying to hide that.... I stood up and the room went black... I fainted. Physical exam, ultrasound, blood work... MORE prescription...change prescriptions... and procedures schedule. Diagnosis: Possibility of a rare form of stomache cancer and concern with my blood/Leukemia. Very concerned. OK so...that shook me today... Hard! And with my emotions a mess...it was a lot to hear. I do have my family but I still felt instantly all alone in the world. My fight got more serious and I felt weaker. I know people are in my corner but the problem... all day everyone has needed me to be there for them...be their strength, their comfort, their friend, their counselor, their advice, their prayer partner... my phone has been going off all day with texts, messages and voice mail.... they all have an issue and it's all urgent. I have been on the phone giving advice with tears streaming down my face as my body is experiencing such pain...and my mind trying to process all this. ALL I have experienced and gone through in less than 2 weeks... just this week alone. I'm human. Today... I'm in PAIN. I HURT.... I am crying and I am Sad... I feel afraid I wont survive... But I'm doing my best to keep fighting....keep going and push passed these thoughts.... This Is What A Fighter Looks Like. It's not always pretty. But I'm still here!

Even tho I haven't felt good the last few days...I had to take a deep breath & just be grateful for all the progress I've made with my autoimmune issues over the years. And at least now I can figure out within the week what is bothering me & give myself a few days without it & get back on track. Feeling better mentally & physically. It's crazy how much my mood is effected by my autoimmune. I turn into an emotional negative Nancy. Everything is just so uncomfortable it's hard to be in a happy mood when your body is fighting against you. For all those suffering from autoimmune or whatever Bullshit diagnosis the Dr gave you bc they can't explain your symptoms or they don't believe you, keep fighting. There is hope. While I'm not healed completely, I am LIGHTYEARS from where I was. If you suffer from any of these problems I'd love to try to help you to the best of my ability. I promise I will listen. #autoimmune #fightingeveryday #unbreakable #unstoppable #onlinefitnesscoach #edswarrior #anxiety&depressionwarrior #fightingforme #healthiseverything #freeyoursoul #joinmyjourney https://www.instagram.com/p/ByVolb8DYtn/?igshid=puplsuftsi5y

In life you see many things. You get shot down you get pulled back up. In the end you gotta fight for yourself. #justme💋 #myself #fightingforme #theworld #beautyandthebeast https://www.instagram.com/p/BxfWnrogGbV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17s7l6msevulv

I have my own personal bus this morning. It's a high pain day. And a loud eating disorder day. I have group in a bit. But I have to shovel breakfast in first. Ugh. I really don't think the group is the healthiest, but it does give me structure for my Saturday. #notthehealiestpeople #butmyfriendsnonetheless #doingwhatsright #healingnothating #nourishnotpunish #fightingforme #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #onlinesupport #edrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ofsed #ofsedrecovery #chronicillness #chronicpain #mentalillness #invisibleillness #unknowndiagnosis #viewsfromabus

another avatar !!! Tagged by @springlullaby and @hiddenamongstars 💓 y’alls were too cute!

i tag @gandalfthegrcy @ganvey @rebeccasdesign @imaginaryblowjob @dvamon @katsukieyuuris @johnnysuhper @jaxobperalta @fightingforme and anyone else who sees it and wants to do it!

The last words you said to me:

"You wanted to do adult things".

Still breaks me inside

as I was just a kid and you,

A monster.

A monster that they adored and I,

I don't go there anymore.

It's better to forget

when no one hears the silent cries of help,

Cries that made this light die

As I became the villain and you always shined.

It must be great to ruin a kid when,

brokenness was all your seeked

and innocence makes you weep...

Was it the joy of destroying me or,

was it the journey of killing me?

You can decide as I pick up the pieces of me.

Do you still want to see me?

The #ColoursProject concert was amazing. Thanks to all who came through. It was touching for me to do my set because of the pain in this world. But as @anthonyevansjr sings, God is indeed fighting for us. Do have a blessed week ahead. ........................................................ . #mondaymotivation #Monday #fightingforyou #Fightingforme #AnthonyEvans #dance #Danceworld #Dancelife #ChroniclesofaDancer #Inspire #Motivation #blessed https://www.instagram.com/p/BqEvWvog3kJ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1eot1m8ns3z42

The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will be quiet in his love. He will delight in you with singing. : : : #bible #bibleverse #godisgood #godislove #praisehim #godsgrace #zephaniah #zephaniah317 #sing #rejoice #hislove #warrior #fightingforme #needhim #inmylifetime (at Parkmerced)

Find your FIGHT 👊🏼 Light your FIRE 🔥 & DON’T let ANYONE get in your way! ~Shaun T . . . #fightingforme #fitmomof4 #fitat41 #goforit #loveyourselfmore #fitmomsofig #fitmomsinspire #shaunt

That's #RealTalk right there. Get you whole life... It's not for the weak! #Face2FaceWithOneself #GettingToTheRoot #HealTheRootGetHealthyFruit #KeepGoingNoMatterWhat #ForwardAlways #AlwaysForward #FightingForMe #FinishStrong #SlowButSteadyWinsTheRace #TheJourneyToWholenessContinues #LoveTheJourney #NjoyDaJourney https://www.instagram.com/p/CHa2UezDjQm/?igshid=m1gzf5j8kwdl

I'm not who I will be but I have to remember that I'm not who I was. #fightingforme