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salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds · 5 months

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#dank memes #funny post #meme #dank #funny #funny pics #silly #funny pictures #dankest memes #humor #my fbi guy

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noonewilleverknowistealkneecaps · 1 year

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He calls them both babygirl

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milo-melon · 1 year

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At the end of the day I'm just a horny teenage boy but with extra pizazz

#My ao3 history is between me and my fbi agent #The pizazz is the ability to do shit that would have been considered straight in a gay guy kinda way #trans #Ftm memes #transgender #That's the tag that gets the flag colors right?

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cumulo-stratus · 7 months

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“Lend Me Some Vanilla?”

Pairing:spencer x Baker!reader

Description: Y/n goes to spencers house to ask spencer if he has any vanilla extract when theres a possible gas leak and no ones allowed to leave their aparment until the morning when someone can come check it out..

Warnings: fluff, one eensy weensy curse

Flufftober Day 14: Locked in/trapped

A/N: ik the "Gas leak" is shit but I couldn't figure something else out I'm sry guys😭😭

"knock knock knock"

Spencers attention was pulled from his book by the sound a of a knock at the door. Wondering who it was- Spencer hoisted himself from his comfortable spot on the large leather couch to answer the door.

“creakkk”

as the light of the hallway bled into the much more dimly lit apartment, a man in sweatpants, a white shirt that read “bad-ass baker” is a rainbow font (u know the meme font im talking abt), and an apron with bits of flower and egg splattered over it.

“hi im so sorry spencer- but i really need some vanilla extract- im on my last batch of cookies and i ran out. I would ask if it wasn’t super necessary but since i had to close my bakery because its under renovations right now, so to make money i’ve been doing orders and making them from home and i need to get these cookies done tonight im so sorry-“

“i have vanilla..”

spencer cut off his neighbors rambling, silently inviting him inside while he fetched the vanilla.

“thank you so much by the way, i can make you something as thanks!”

y/n stood awkwardly behind the couch, eyes surveying the room. spencers back was to the common area, his arm outstretched to reach the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet. Spencers body language was comfortable, as he and y/n had been friends since he moved in 2 years ago, and he knew the baker well. spencer knew him as the neighbor with silly shirts and a bakery, and the neighbor that gave him the extras that didnt get sold at the end of the day in little plastic take out containers.

“Oh no its okay the leftovers from your bakery are thanks enough”

spencer said with a chuckle, and y/n laughed too. And just as spencer was walking over both y/n and his phones dinged from the pocket of y/ns apron and the coffee table where spencer had left it when he got the door. Y/n pulled out his phone, seeing a text from the landlord. As y/n read his face fell, getting the attention of spencer and causing him to ask;

“What? Is something wrong?”

“check your texts- Larry sent something about how we cant leave our apartments..”

The look on spencers face was one of confusion, and he grew even more confused when he read the text detailing that no one was to leave their apartment- at any cost because of a possible gas leak, meaning they had to send people to check in the morning- but until then Larry didn’t want to risk it.

“soooooo.. what do i do know?”

y/n looked to spencer for guidance, wondering what to do. spencer didn’t quite know either, but being the rule follower he is he decided the best course of action was for y/n to stay. He also knew the statistics of gas leaks and how dangerous they could be- so he wasn’t taking any chances.

“well, i dont know how safe it is to be in the hallways right now, its probably best if you stay here until morning, or at least for a couple hours until Larry can get someone in here to check it out..”

now if this was most anyone else y/n would’ve just declined and held his breath while he walked the 10 feet to his door down the hall, but this was spencer. And much to no ones surprise, y/n had been crushing on the FBI agent from afar for 6 months now. He was in love with his style, his apartment (from what he’d seen), his face, his hair. Y/n had a tendency to romanticize things, just ask his friends, and this was the perfect opportunity. So when spencer proposed he stated over night just to be safe, y/n agreed almost immediately.

“ya i should probably stay the night, just to be safe you know? And by the way, if im staying over night do you mind if i put my apron in your kitchen? i dont wanna get flour on your couch…”

spencer chuckled and nodded, using his chin to point towards the kitchen where y/n could leave his dirtied apron. After y/n left his apron splayed out on the counter, abandoned spencer chuckled at his shirt, which was now visible. When y/n noticed spencers laughs he looked at him confused, following his line of sight, and he was met with his shirt.

“oh ya- my shirt? i got it as a joke gift from a friend- and i couldn’t help myself”

they both chuckled at this while y/n moved across the room to join spencer where he had taken his spot on the large leather couch back. Y/n plopped down next to spencers, sitting as far away from him as he could without it it being awkward- or at least more awkward than it already was. because little did Y/n know but spencer had been simultaneously admiring y/n from across the hall. And when y/n suggested they watch a show spencer took the opportunity to do away with the awkward silence, suggesting Doctor Who. y/n almost immediately agreed, taking the remote from the coffee table and handing it to spencer to pull up the show.

Once the show had started, the lights of the TV screen illuminated the room while spencer pulled a blanket out of a basket and spread it out over both y/n and himself. And unconsciously y/n scooted closer to spencer, hoping for more warmth from the soft throw. Or maybe more warmth from spencer, who knows..

After a couple episodes, y/n eyes were beginning droop as he had been up since 5 am, baking. Spencer- the ever profiler- noticed this. But despite the fact that y/ns blinks were gradually gaining length each time- he kept shifting a little bit, trying to get comfortable. And now if it had been a couple hours ago when y/n knocked on the door then spencer would’ve never done it, not in a million, billion years. But now they had been talking and watching their show for at least 2 1/2 hours now, spencer giving facts and corrections, y/n giving opinions, for the pair to then debate upon. And spencer felt confident enough to invite y/n to lean on him.

“ you know, if your tired.. then i dont mind if you wanna lay on me- you must be tired…”

“ya- how did you know..?”

Y/n’s voice was that of someone who was already half asleep, the constant sound of the tv lulling him to sleep before spencer could even answer. But spencer didnt mind- he loved admiring y/n, his face so incredibly peaceful. And he thought to himself, ‘the cookies can wait till morning’, before soon doxing off himself.

The End

#spencer reid #criminal minds #bau #bau team #cute #fluff #gay #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x male reader #flufftober #spencer reid x baker!reader #flufftober prompts #flufftober 2023 #flufftober day 14

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insufferableprotagonistpoll · 1 month

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Propaganda why Batman is insufferable:

Always has to be right. Does the most janked up stuff and doesn't care who it hurts. Imposes his will on others to the point of willing to bodily harm them if they do not comply (and yes, this does include his children)

I’ll also support Batman as a candidate because of the slapping Robin meme, which is annoying, and because he is just way too much. Too much all the time.

Has to always be right, regardless of situation. Because somehow the billionaire has knowledge of how middle class people think.

Propaganda why Tony Stark is insufferable:

She’s a hypocrite who is ready to restrict the freedom of others when they make one mistake, but when he makes a mistake he figures he’s able to handle himself

Super long, sorry lol

Thinking about how in Homecoming when Peter accidentally caused that boat to get split in half because the Vulture’s gun exploded and Tony was acting like as if Peter was completely in the wrong for going there just because he did it without his permission. He was acting like as if Peter was out of line and “disobeyed him”, trying to act like his father. And then I remember how in CACW he’s the one who scouted Peter in the first place just because he saw he might be useful against a personal squabble between him and Captain America despite knowing that he was a kid and he’s just now acknowledging how dangerous it is because Peter “acted on his own”

Completely hijacking Peter’s superhero story and trying to control his every move (Training wheels protocol and baby monitor thing he put in the suit), acting like Peter should’ve known that Tony would send someone in despite the fact that he’d been ignoring him for 2 months since Civil War and not keeping him updated on anything!!

How the hell is peter supposed to know Tony is going to listen to him when he treats him like a kid instead of a superhero when it’s convenient for him? And when Tony loses his temper after Peter says he’s 15 not 14 like “the adult is talking” bitch he could literally flatten you without your suit!!!

I guess in a way he is acting like a father but like the absentee kind. He’s more like a sperm donor father trying to act like he has any rights over Peter’s life smh.

It’s not that reprimanding Peter for the situation is bad, but the way he makes it seem as if Peter is irredeemable as if Tony wasn't a literal weapons dealer lmfao. He could’ve said what was the truth about it without completely invalidating him saying shit like “no thanks to you” after Peter asked if everyone is okay when it’s literally thanks to Peter finding a lead on those guys in the first place that they were even noticed and it’s not like the FBI being there could’ve in no way caused a similar situation.

And then near the end of the movie when he’s getting crushed by the building rubble screaming and crying for someone to help him where the fuck is Tony?? That scene just proved that he never needed Tony’s suit in the first place to be Spider-Man since he had to use 100% his own strength to lift it off of him. I know he would’ve found the motivation even if Tony hadn’t been involved in the first place to give him the suit, take it away from him and have the words “if you’re nothing without the suit you shouldn’t have it“ echo in his head. Why did Tony even take the suit away? Like as if he expects Peter to stop being spoderman without it??? Holy fuck. This is why you don’t make it out of endgame /j /srs.

When Tony took this suit away from Peter he was like “God I sound like my dad“ shouldn’t that be a red flag to him? Wasn’t he literally just saying that he wished his dad was better than he was?? Lmfao

Tony is so annoying. When they first meet he straight up bullies Peter into fighting for his personal bullshit, insults and objectifies Aunt May in front of him, spits into his trashcan and is in general being pushy af. He blackmails Peter when he doesn’t wanna come to Germany with him AND HE DOESNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY HE WANTS HIM TO COME. Uncomfortable vibes lol.

Tony being the one to tell peter “if Captain America wanted to hurt you he would’ve” when Peter was trying to state his case, yet HE’S also the one who put Peter in harms way when he didn’t even want to go with him???

Telling Peter that he should stick to being a “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” (stealing his thing once again) when that’s what Peter _was_ doing before Tony took him out of his zone and filled his head with grander things to be apart of….bitch? Die. Ohh waaaait (jkjk) but yeah

There’s the usual “he’s a war criminal who only felt bad about it when he realized his weapons were killing white Americans as well as Arab people” reason, and also he’s just super annoying. You had to be there for the original Avengers shitty dialogue a la “we have a Hulk” that had Tumblr in a vicious chokehold. Also he was supposed to FINALLY go away after destroying all his suits in Iron Man 3 but he just… didn’t! Which is bullshit.

Portrayed as a hero because? He chose to no longer mass produce war weapons and bombs after suffering the consequences. Huge hypocrite. Doesn't care about anyone but himself. Will backstab people if they believe in human rights when it's inconvenient to him. Seen as a hero while he's the personification of privileged people saying they're not privileged

>Makes weapons

>Billionaire

>Made multiple AI Surveillance Robots

>Gaslight a child into fighting a super soldier in a foreign country for him

>His fans are annoying

#batman #dc #tony stark #mcu #insufferable protagonist poll #insufferable protagonist tournament #tournament poll

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themysticaldrumstick · 20 days

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Was there any rivalry between M and E for the attention of the MC? Before they lost contact?

FUCK YOU CONNOR!

(these dank memes shall be the end of my career someday istg)

HOly shit, I thought I told you not to reveal my secrets. Sorry guys, it's my FBI agent again-- don't worry, nothing to see in here.

#asks #7DIP

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streetlegal1978 · 10 months

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john’s songs:

kaneki twt icon it’s so fucking over meme

uncomfortable personal freudian fixations

I Am Being Gang stalked by the FBI For My Political Affiliations

surreal imagery and silly word play :)

heartbreaking personal ballads

george’s songs:

I Am Deeply Tramutized by Beatlemania

paul hate song

john + paul hate song

deeply personal reflections about spirituality

love songs written about bob dylan

thinly veiled songs about legal disputes

paul’s songs:

silly little love songs :)

vaudeville esque ditties (his granny shite)

prog rock esque epics with the craziest instrumentation you’ve ever heard

I love my wife ^_^

Ringo’s Songs:

“hey baby I’m a womanizer and a drinker I’m bad for you ahaha 😜” songs

disco glam rock

Im a silly little guy what the hell!!! lmao

I Am Struggling With Substance Issues

#my posts #someone already made something like this but this is my version

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theconstitutionisgayculture · 3 months

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If you have time for this, I have a question: I saw your post with a meme where the guy roast various goverment agencies, and... I mean, I'm not american, and apparently one of them is not due for abolishment, but, just how bad are the other three? Like, it's something that made me curious.

I mean, the ATF only exists to violate your constitutional rights by infringing on the 2nd Amendment, yet was behind the Fast and Furious gunwalking scandal, where they provided guns to foreign drug cartels, they maintain an illegal gun registry, coerced a man into illegally modifying a shotgun and then after he refused to be arrested, lied to other law enforcement agencies about him having bombs and booby traps and underground bunkers at his home which lead to an FBI raid that ended up killing his wife, kid, and dog, and have been involved in multiple botched operations that lead to the deaths of civilians and other law enforcement personnel. The FBI killed MLK, burned down a cult compound with women and children inside then posed for pictures while standing on the smoldering rubble (the guy in that picture is the head of the FBI now, IIRC), colluded with the Democrats to fabricate evidence against Trump to undermine his presidency, and a few other things. And the CIA....

Well.

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autogynocrat · 3 months

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matt is literally an interloper, a foreign despot whose regime has continued to allow transfems to chafe for years and for what exactly? trans women are one on the pillars of this websites culture, you make us feel unwelcome here then you lose yet another part of what makes people want to use this website in the first place. I've been here since like 2011 or earlier and I've witnessed many changes, many culture shocks and mass exodus from this website. but trans women have always on some capacity stuck around here and alot of the jokes people know and love and identify with the tumblr brand have a basis in the transfem communities humor here. what are you gonna do with this skeleton of a website when one of the demographics that loves this site the most is gone? do you think this website will be sustainable if all you have left is porn bots(that are supposed to be against the community guidelines), fascist guys making not so subtle memes about fbi crime statistics, and "people who identify as terfs"? what then?

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salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds · 4 months

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#dank memes #funny post #meme #dank #funny #funny pics #silly #funny pictures #dankest memes #humor #my fbi guy

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crymeariveronceagain · 2 years

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thoughts on Orwell's 1984 because it took me 2.5 months but i actually got all the way through it!

oh my gosh this book is going to live in my head for an eternity

Orwell is a fantastic writer, and I really enjoyed his style. It's all very intense, and the vibe is a constant intensity. There are very few moments without a sense of being watched, without a feeling that doom lurks just on the horizon, and when, in the rare moments where that feeling of paranoia fades and peace begins to set in, he subverts it, and that's the moment something leaps out of the shadows. It's masterfully crafted and really well done.

This book is extremely obviously about socialism, and the dangers of moral relativism and historical revisionism. Sure, you can throw in other messages too, about like cult worship, secret societies, whatever. But Orwell put this world together as a criticism of the ideas of socialism and socialist ideology. He's clearly an anti-socialist, which makes complete sense, based on his background, life, and his other works, what we know about him, and even this story.

1984 follows this guy, who literally is just some guy, as he figures out he has a brain and he doesn't want to scream in hatred when he's told to.

Okay, speaking of, the amount of parallels that can be drawn from this book to society is disturbing. Like even if we go off of the idea of the "Two Minutes Hate", which is the daily time in which everyone is organized to basically yell at the person society has chosen to hate, that day, one can easily draw parallels between that and say all of social media electing to hate on this person today, that person tomorrow, ruin their life, and then move on. It's disturbing.

Also, a lot of Orwell's thesis statement in this book is on the idea of language and how it's connected to thought. He has this idea that one can only truly think a thought if one has the words to describe that thought, and if one cannot name the feelings, one cannot really be having the feelings. It's a horrifying concept, but one that basically every person needs to keep in mind. The vocabulary you possess controls how and what you think. What you cannot name, you cannot know, you cannot see, you cannot truly understand.

So like, one thing this book really tries to tell you is to pay attention to the words you use. Why do you use them? How do you use them? Where did you learn them? What are their origins? Etc etc, because, really, whoever controls the language controls the minds of the people who uses it.

I thought the romance was horribly unromantic, and it really drove the point home about the mental state of both Winston(just some guy) and Julia. Their being in a relationship is in and of itself an act of rebellion against those who want to abolish everything.

The whole point of this book really really comes back to, over and over, this idea of power. Who has it, who should have it, how it works, why people want it, blah blah blah. It's done spectacularly. You reach the last page and you sit there like "Dang. What did I just read."

Big Brother, also, is a super interesting concept that's used in the book, and I must say the idea that eyes are always watching you and might be listening to you reminds me of all those "Hello FBI guy who lives in my laptop computer and watches my search histories" memes. But in a trippier way. Anyways. Just a thought.

The total lack of privacy is so prominent in the book. Every private moment sticks out like a breath of fresh air.

If you're going to read this book, like, one thing to remember is that a) nothing is what it seems, and also b) the Party REALLY KNOWS WHAT IT'S DOING. Never think that they just say things. Never think that they don't know what's going on. Never think for even one moment that they don't know what they're doing. Because if you think that, you're making the same mistake as the main character.

The last chunk of the book is really hard to read, honestly, from a reading perspective, just because it's so psychologically intense. It's this sort of conversion process, trying to turn our beloved Winston(just some guy) into the perfect party member before they kill him. The whole torture, interrogation, conversion process is deeply grimy. It feels like walking down a tunnel but knowing there isn't light at the end. But you hang onto your hope. It's all you've got at this point.

You know that there's no way to make it out of this situation. But you keep reading in hope.

Also, the main bad guy starts monologuing. Reveals his whole evil plan. Which makes you grossed out in your own mind and makes you want to throw the book out the airplane window. It's masterfully written, and Winston is so interesting to watch, because he's the perfect person to empathize with. You wonder how long you could hold up. You wonder how long it would take you to crumble. And really, inside, you know you're crumbling with Winston. You go through the horrors of his imprisonment, and you reach the end of the book.

You can tell it's the end. If you're paying attention, you'll catch how they ruin him all the way. You'll see the moment that lets you know he's done. He's exactly where they want him.

He's renounced his beliefs, fallen in line perfectly. He's done exactly what they want. And now, now they could do exactly what they want with him.

He doesn't die. I'm going to tell you that much.

But the end of the book makes you wonder how much you are Winston. How much of your life is spent doing what every party member does. How long you've got before the interrogation starts. How long before they treat you like a heretic who needs to renounce their heresy, spit upon it, curse it, all the way while they walk to their stake.

The end of the book is sad. It is hopeless. But it is very, very real. The realest thing in this book is its ending.

The last line clenches your stomach like nothing else in the entire novel.

#1984 #that was a REALLY fun read #a dark and depressing and sad read #but oh stars was it a fun trip #1984 orwell #1984 george orwell #george orwell #orwell 1984 #1984 book #river reads books

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geekynightowl1997 · 7 months

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I know I already made a comment about The Rundown Job: but I just- I-I just want to talk about a particular scene. (This sucks, because I'm making posts on my phone because I don't have a laptop. AND because I'm not tech savvy enough to figure out how to make gifs and memes!) But the scene. It's in my top five favorite scenes. The scene?

Just after Eliot calls Vance- and then it switches to Eliot talking to him. Leading up to shaking hands Parker is nervous. Rightfully so. There's too many FBI agents. Too many cops. Too many people who can catch them. Still. Parker and Hardison folllow Eliot. They stay by him and when Eliot realizes what's gonna happen? That Vance is going to arrest them?

They circle each other. Eliot has his back to Hardison and Parker. Parker's back to Eliot and Hardisons. Hardison's back to Parker and Eliot. They trust each other enough to flank. Guys. These people are thieves, hackers, and hitters. Only one of them is professional trained.

They know they can't take them all. Still Parker and Hardison don't run. Despite being trapped. They don't give each other up. Parker and Hardison know that Eliot isn't dumb and that Eliot won't let them get hurt. He's rather die than allow them to get hurt. In the same way Parker and Hardison won't let Eliot get hurt.

And (this I know had been stated!) when they are put into the back of the prison truck- and Parker falls asleep. (Even if it's pretend,) she still trusts Hardison and Eliot. Not to mention Hardison doesn't question Eliot. Doesn't ask him how he could have gotten it all wrong- he just sits and listens.

Hardison and Parker know Eliot. I think more than Eliot realizes.

This is just another reason why I believe they are soulmates.

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jaywalkers · 3 months

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writing patterns meme!

thank you @decaflondonfog for tagging me <3 @sunriseinorbit @alcego @orionauriga @dayurno if anyone wants to join in too!!

all that looking down

Kevin will not realise this until years later, but it starts in 2008.

the light at the end of the tunnel is another tunnel

Kevin feels a little untethered today, like all of his bones fell out while he was sleeping.

penrose steps

There’s blood in Kevin’s mouth, when he wakes.

nocturnal animals

Abby is eleven the first time she learns what a broken bone looks like.

if I die young

Kevin Day has a flower picked for the funeral of everyone he knows.

so do it over, give me another version

The sword at your back is too heavy to hold by yourself, and the only thing you have ever had to help you was bone and construct, so this is where you stand — bowed over by metal you are not sure why you cannot let go of.

a brief primer for the end

The guy sitting across from Neil in the diner looks like someone’s just told him the world’s ending.

approach the end still beginning

In the days after the end, Gansey answers a lot of phone calls.

the post-impact stage

After Neil has spent the last four hours explaining the events of last night, an FBI agent herds them into a room with two cots and settles into the corner with his laptop.

sunset, like survival

The second time, it takes Andrew a couple of minutes to figure out what’s going on.

what i’m seeing is that i really need to write more dialogue starts 😭😭😭 genuinely these all read very similar and i’m a little horrified by it and then i also looked at my wips and they’re the same lmao. a good old prose statement start is fine but i neeeeedddddd to start switching it up. i think out of all of these maybe either sunset or atld are my fave starts, but my gtn/tlt fic gets a shoutout for being the only one with a different style of opening line!!

#my fic

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sebastianthecollectorandcreator · 10 months

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I Was Today Years Old When I Found Out...

That The Directors Of "Talk To Me"

Were The Same Guys Who Originally Created The "FBI Open Up" Meme.

youtube

#rackaracka #a24 #a24 horror #talk to me #fbi open up #Youtube

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system-of-a-feather · 11 months

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I really forget Ray is a really S tier gatekeeper because he is also a very hands off gatekeeper usually. As in most of the time he is just sitting there constantly watching the front like our FBI agent but rarely doing anything - even when we are stressed and walking the line of not doing well because he values letting us figure shit out ourselves to a large extent - and so it's easy to just meme at him as just the omnipresent guy there who just likes Dennis Aarssen too much

But literally the dude knows what he is doing and knows how to moderate his involvement and when he is needed to do his job. Cause I'm legit like "I should talk to Ray about this" and he was just like "Cool, we can have a meeting about it when we have time to just sit and talk, but in the short run here is some thoughts" and I forget he literally has a whole office and shit cause I'm usually a void-bound part.

And dude just so casually and perfectly both listens to "what are you wanting and what do you need and what do you think you are ready for" along with "here are some options" and "here are some following steps we can work on while we figure out what we want to do" and "ok now that we have that in plan, I can look into this stuff for you on my end and you have a list of things to do"

And I just walk out like I just had an S tier academic advisor appointment and I'm just like

Damn, Coach (<- what I usually call Ray) is an S tier team builder and coordinator and just S tier gatekeeper holy shit. Dude walks the perfect line between keeping us safe and keeping us both empowered and independent.

Like damn.

#alter: xiv #alter: ray #gatekeeper #gatekeeper alter

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salmonella-destroyer-of-worlds · 3 months

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#dank memes #funny post #meme #dank #funny #funny pics #silly #funny pictures #dankest memes #humor #fbi agent #my fbi guy #minecraft

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