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belvira · 2 years

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She balled so hard they banned her from ballin.

#twitter #failed twitter joke #the art of ballin #julia child #French cooking

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captainjonnitkessler · 4 months

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Do you guys notice how when Shawn Fain, president of the United Auto Workers union, started planning a general strike, he did it by a) targeting his messaging towards unions with the ability to safely and effectively strike in large numbers, b) laid out a clear, actionable plan for those unions to follow (setting contracts to all expire at the same time, since many unions cannot strike while under contract), c) is using union contracts to set clear, actionable demands that can be met in order to gauge success and provide an end goal, and d) started organizing FOUR YEARS before the proposed strike date to give people the chance to plan accordingly, because it takes a really freaking long time to get tens of millions of people organized?

You notice how he didn't do it by slapping a message on Twitter saying 'hey nobody go to work on Monday, that'll really show 'em'?

#those 'monday is a general strike stay home if you can!!!' posts are SO performative and they really annoy me #like. you MUST know you can't organize a general strike of tens of millions of people by sharing an infographic on twitter. Right?#don't even get me started on the most recent one that was like 'we understand the last strike only gave one day of notice'#'so this time we're giving you two! strike is on tuesday everyone don't forget!'#like GENUINELY was that supposed to be a joke #the linked article also touches on how difficult actual organizing a workplace is which is nice #because they mention previous failed attempts in which organizers basically just handed out leaflets #and assumed the benefits would be obvious. which i think is basically the equivalent of posting an infographic on twitter #which is to say - not effective at all. Organizing is a LOT of work! Running an effective union even more so!#labor rights

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peacereturnedtothevalley · 5 months

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once again I am making charts for nefarious purposes

#“once again” all my postings used to be on twitter so iykyk #i had a previous iteration of something similar but #1. outdated #2. included bluffs and lives and is completely unwieldly #this iteration is for [redacted] project which i will probably fail to follow through with #some fun facts:#ali has had a pc in every season #and yet less total characters than some due to ali's dedication to protecting her blorbos #jack also had a pc every season right up until palisade #the number of characters jack has had is a joke for just for me can you figure out the extras #janine has way fewer seasons/characters than i thought there would be #friends at the table #fatt

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freckledoctopus · 9 months

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Been away a looong time but..... but i think i’m ready to shitpost on tumblr again. That’s right I’ve grown. I’m better now. Faster. Stronger. O....older....... Significantly older.... And not to brag (heh) but also mentally stable enough to share on social media again

#right when i want to get back into sharing art (when im not swamped by work) twitter fucking shits the bed #i mean X shits the bed #guys its so bad over there and ive barely posted in the last year #joke website #please tumblr dont fail now that i want to post art again while not crushed under the weight of my job #i want to reach out to people more too since my mental health is in theory better! what a surprise #an artist with mental health issues amiright #god i missed tumblr tags

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gothfield-official · 6 months

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Yall think the island from vita carnis is camp wawanakwa

#vita carnis #tdi #this did zero numbers on twitter and I think it's one of my best jokes so tumblr do not fail me

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comraderosex · 1 year

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🍿 🍿 🍿

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khattikeri · 1 year

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yeah elon musk is a fucking loser disguised as a businessman and yeah culturally twitter has been a cesspool for years but some of you forget how many people rely on it for their livelihoods, especially artists and writers. twitter’s imminent collapse is going to have so many long-lasting repercussions on them and none of it are going to be as funny as y’all think it is now with those haha tumblr is better posts

#twitter #and all of em migrating to tumblr is out of the question thatd change this site overnight into something most of the current userbase hates #were yall aware of how much of the publishing industry almost exclusively relies on twitter for networking and other opportunities?#and how twitter is The mainstream option for putting their work and portfolios out there short of a google drive?#elon musk failing is hilarious i get it but please. do have sympathy for the twt users on a burning ship #their privacy and legal and communications teams are dead in the water #losing 4m a day and potentially getting a fine in the billions from the FTC is funny now but in the long term it aint a joke #and this isn't even considering political activism/organization! like man twt imploding will impact EVERYONE #and i feel like i'm the only one on tumblr who's nervous about it #keri chats

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lucatiel · 9 months

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im back on here because the yuri polls on Twitter are LACKING we are in shambles how are u gonna have a yuri poll without HaruMichi and/or UtenAnthy

#Himejoshis lost when UtenAnthy lost to that one Supergirl ship during that sapphic poll on twitter #this post is a joke of course buut........#honestly whenever i see madohomu lose to some random ass ship im just like ??? Homura is LITERALLY the yuri devil and you just fail her....

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shiroselia · 1 year

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I don’t think any queer media that doesn’t make twitter angry is queer enough actually

#Been thinking many thoughts and this is the tldr of that #The complexity of the queer experience can never truly be captured without making the infighters pissed and by trying to please the #exclusionist infighter good queer crowd you're fundamentally missing the point #At the VERY fucking least #Also there is a joke here about how everything makes twitter angry so y'know #Most of it already succeeds #But what I'm saying is that trying to keep it palatable isn't really the play cause either way you're failing at not making people mad #So fuck it we ball

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manifestmerlin · 1 year

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Okay yeah this is such fucking heavy projection but it’s Vriska so I’m not sure if it even registers as projection for her? Vriska continuing to do what she does best which is fail SO fucking badly at personal growth for others OR herself that it becomes incredibly revealing how bad she is at anything that doesn’t involve rolling dice to kill stuff.

#homestuck #merlin reads homestuck #we need one of those twitter polls but for ultimate failwomen #just so I can get mad when Vriska loses to like... idk fucking Mrs joke from bnha #or some other character who isn't even a fail woman whn compared to vriska

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hartmannyoukaigirl · 2 years

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I wish more people took interest in being knowledgeable and generally learning and taking up hobbies and overall trying to be a productive member of society and just try, attempt to have more worth than a mosquito instead of being occupied with the stupidest shit to ever exist and making it their entire personality political identity and life. you are not seeing heaven. you will live a worthless life and die as so. your grave will be unnamed and not tended to.

#in my villian arc rn sorry #cant even execuse age because i for one at the age of 12 was a thousand times more ''''mature''' generally not stupid than #grown ass 26 year olds i see online #and obv alot of teenagers. like no offense but how are you living like this #funniest thing ever is when someone never attempts studying fails school cheats lies alot jokes abt being unable to read anything #more than 5 lines and overall takes pride in their incomptence geniunely tries to. not argue. they can never but instead prove their moral #superiority to you .. like do you think you have any worth ?? do you seriously think that you even count as a human #then same ppl will have a breakdown about being worthless and be senstive or some shit like yeah you are completely right. youll die alone #and not even be remembered by your family #tldr: i hate people #so no one gets the wrong interpretation this applies but not limited to :#TRAs. all of them. non discriminately male or female you are beyond worthless #any and all misogynists and racists #4chan and reddit and twitter and .. ok 99% of all men tbh #esp the 'just learned what politics is and thinks edgy = correct'#exteremists of any kind. like any kind geniunely life is not black and white and exterminism tends to become 'i hate anything thats even #remotely similar to thing im strongly aganist. i will not hear anything. you are wrong if you dont think as me 100%'

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r0achlezbian · 2 years

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it's not brave to make bigoted jokes, not just cause shitting on minorities is america's favorite pastime but because a hoard of weirdos will swarm around you to protect you with more dedication than the secret service protecting the president.

#without fail every time a comedian makes some bigoted joke every freak on twitter crawls out of the woodworks to defend them #'what about FREEDOM OF SPEECH' yknow who's actually shitting on freedom of speech? you trying to say nobody can criticize your favs #freedom of speech protects you from legal repercussions. not social ones #if you tank your career by being a bigot there is nothing freedom of speech can do for you #because there's also freedom to not listen to some dumb bitches LOL #i fucking tagged this with reblogs i am so sick of this dumbass (me)#benny.exe

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theabstruseone · 9 months

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I slept in and just woke up, so here's what I've been able to figure out while sipping coffee:

Twitter has officially rebranded to X just a day or two after the move was announced.

The official branding is that a tweet is now called "an X", for which there are too many jokes to make.

The official account is still @twitter because someone else owns @X and they didn't reclaim the username first.

The logo is 𝕏 which is the Unicode character Unicode U+1D54F so the logo cannot be copyrighted and it is highly likely that it cannot be protected as a trademark.

Outside the visual logo, the trademark for the use of the name "X" in social media is held by Meta/Facebook, while the trademark for "X" in finance/commerce is owned by Microsoft.

The rebranding has been stopped in Japan as the term "X Japan" is trademarked by the band X JAPAN.

Elon had workers taking down the "Twitter" name from the side of the building. He did not have any permits to do this. The building owner called the cops who stopped the crew midway through so the sign just says "er".

He still plans to call his streaming and media hosting branch of the company as "Xvideo". Nobody tell him.

This man wants you to give him control over all of your financial information.

Edit to add further developments:

Yes, this is all real. Check the notes and people have pictures. I understand the skepticism because it feels like a joke, but to the best of my knowledge, everything in the above is accurate.

Microsoft also owns the trademark on X for chatting and gaming because, y'know, X-box.

The logo came from a random podcaster who tweeted it at Musk.

The act of sending a tweet is now known as "Xeet". They even added a guide for how to Xeet.

The branding change is inconsistent. Some icons have changed, some have not, and the words "tweet" and "Twitter" are still all over the place on the site.

TweetDeck is currently unaffected and I hope it's because they forgot that it exists again. The complete negligence toward that tool and just leaving it the hell alone is the only thing that makes the site usable (and some of us are stuck on there for work).

This is likely because Musk was forced out of PayPal due to a failed credit line project and because he wanted to rename the site to "X-Paypal" and eventually just to "X".

This became a big deal behind the scenes as Musk paid over $1 million for the domain X.com and wanted to rebrand the company that already had the brand awareness people were using it as a verb to "pay online" (as in "I'll paypal you the money")

X.com is not currently owned by Musk. It is held by a domain registrar (I believe GoDaddy but I'm not entirely sure). Meaning as long as he's hung onto this idea of making X Corp a thing, he couldn't be arsed to pay the $15/year domain renewal.

Bloomberg estimates the rebranding wiped between $4 to $20 billion from the valuation of Twitter due to the loss of brand awareness.

The company was already worth less than half of the $44 billion Musk paid for it in the first place, meaning this may end up a worse deal than when Yahoo bought Tumblr.

One estimation (though this is with a grain of salt) said that Twitter is three months from defaulting on its loans taken out to buy the site. Those loans were secured with Tesla stock. Meaning the bank will seize that stock and, since it won't be enough to pay the debt (since it's worth around 50-75% of what it was at the time of the loan), they can start seizing personal assets of Elon Musk including the Twitter company itself and his interest in SpaceX.

Sesame Street's official accounts mocked the rebranding.

#twitter #twitterpocalypse #twitter fail #elon musk #fuck elon musk

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girlinthebrownhoodie · 9 months

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I'm not usually one to use desktop (for convenience's sake I use mobile) and I haven't updated the Tumblr app in ages, but what is with the new layout!? I got rid of Twitter for a reason why does it look like Twitter!!?

#I thought it was a joke that Tumblr was a hell site!!#It didn't actually need to be a hell site!!!#jokes aside all these fucking changes Tumblr keeps making are terrible #like stop being like the other social media #they are failing for a reason!!#tumblr update #twitter #social media #Hate the update

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forlix · 7 months

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𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁・l.f.

— in which you forget that your hot housemate follows you on twitter.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀・1.1k 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴・roommate!felix x gn!streamer!reader 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲𝘀・fluff, flirting, kind of an smau, implied friends to lovers, humor if u count jeongin being a piece of shit

𝗮/𝗻・saw this tweet the other day and it was so painfully lix coded that i knew i had to write something asap. contains a tiny bit of gaming jargon but is hopefully comprehensible. ENJOY ♡

y/n ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ @ y/nxx

if someone brings you fresh cut fruit to your table when you're gaming, they either like LIKE you or it's your mom

11:23 A.M.・Oct. 2023・220.2K Views

bokkie 🐣 liked your post.

“My tweet?”

You read aloud the newest text in your chatroom, and your face brightens when you remember the one in question.

“Oh, about the fruit—no, it’s so true though. And I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but I have an inkling she did it to guilt trip me." You change your posture and adopt your best motherly tone of voice. "‘This is your tenth consecutive hour wasting your young adulthood in front of that damn screen. I am now going to hand deliver apple slices straight to your mouth.’ That kind of vibe, y'know?"

A slew of messages follows your anecdote, but it is a comment from one of your moderators that catches your eye first:

je0ng1n: what about the other option tho 👀

You groan at the sight of his username. “Man, why are you always here? Don't you have a job?"

je0ng1n: i’m on break je0ng1n: taking a dump je0ng1n: ungrateful bitch

You brandish a middle finger to the camera. “Hope the dump sucks."

je0ng1n: HEY je0ng1n: don’t even joke about that :(

An involuntary cackle precedes your next words. “If you’re actually wondering, though, the only person who’s brought me fruit while I’m playing video games is indeed my mother. Heartbreaking, I know.”

At this, the steady flow of messages morphs into a gallery of depressed cat emoticons; your audience never fails to impress you with their way with words.

“But if someone other than your disappointed parent is bringing you fruit,” you go on, “they might as well get on one knee in the process, honestly. That's such an adorable, loving thing to do.”

Suddenly, the words MATCH FOUND splash across your monitor, and you move your cursor to accept the game invite—only to be met with a pop-up window and a familiar error sound that grates on your ears like screeching tires.

You know how this story ends: the lights in your mouse go dark, and you look on in dejected silence.

je0ng1n: LMFAOOOOO je0ng1n: bro’s mouse definitely just exploded again

“You guessed it," you sigh. “Hang tight for a sec, guys."

Half an hour ago, you could’ve sworn you heard sneakers being kicked off, a set of keys falling against plastic. Now, you pull one side of your headphones off and roll your chair a few feet backward, calling through your half-open door: “Lix, are you home?”

You pick up on a soft clunk that sounds like metal hitting wood—the cutting board, maybe?—and then your housemate's low, accented answer bounces off the walls of your shared hallway.

“Yeah, you alright?”

“The mouse,” you say helplessly.

“Ah.” It’s not the first time you’ve summoned him for this. “Be right there.”

A few seconds later, you remember to tack on a hurried disclaimer: “I’m live, by the way!”

“I know.”

This brings a bashful smile to your face, though the expression quickly turns to one of pure dismay when you return to your desk and witness the disastrous state of your chat.

Felix has become a regular guest on your stream by now, always popping in to show you a TikTok or ask for your opinion on a new pair of jeans or simply give your camera an awkward wave—but he may as well own your channel with how completely and unequivocally he has captured the hearts of your viewers. They’re convinced he’s the sexiest person to ever grace the earth, with his chiseled features and coffee-colored eyes; with a grin that could set entire estates on fire and a voice that could scrape the nadir of the Grand Canyon.

Do you agree? Absolutely.

Do you have any intention of voicing this sentiment, so long as you’re splitting rent with him? Absolutely the hell not.

Another of Jeongin’s messages—GET ME HIS NUMBER OR I GET VIOLENT—inspires you to minimize the stream window before Felix gets here. It’s for the best.

A few moments later, the door opens, and the air shifts inside your room. A hand comes to rest on the top of your head; a familiar silhouette appears in your periphery. There is a fond grin plastered across your face and a bright greeting sitting readily on the tip of your tongue.

But then, Felix places a plate of freshly cut fruit in the empty space to the left of your keyboard—here, he hums, the sound falling against the shell of your ear like a drop of melted chocolate. And the gears of your brain grind to a complete stop.

There is no further acknowledgment; no supplementary explanation for what he's just done. He simply picks up your mouse and gets to work.

The words of your tweet swim dizzyingly before your eyes, not unlike those halos of stars and birds that revolve around disoriented cartoon characters. And you’re suddenly, achingly aware of your roommate's arm nudging against yours as he tinkers away; of the aromas of vanilla and laundry detergent that always come with his proximity; of the heat that’s risen to your face, and the plethora of questions that have surfaced to your mind.

A soft huff of laughter follows a gentle utterance of your name, and you snap out of your trance. Felix’s eyes are glinting with amusement when you meet them.

“It’s been recalibrated,” he says, handing back your mouse. “Just give it a few minutes.”

Your fingertips brush over his palm when you accept the object, and even this blink of contact has your heart performing an elaborate hopscotch routine across the plane of your chest.

It’s either your mom, or…

“Thank you,” you mumble, finally retrieving your larynx from the bottom of the Atlantic.

“Anytime,” Felix returns, and you know he means it. “You need a duo, by the way?"

“Yes, please.”

He gives you a warm smile at this, and there’s a hint of something else—something new—in the curve of his lips. “Give me two.” And he’s gone as quickly as he'd come.

You will never know how Felix slips his phone out of his pocket the second he emerges from your room, his pulse hounding his ears as he turns a nervous gaze upon his screen.

There is now a supersonic blur of messages saturating your chatroom, a colorful cacophony of moving emotes and capital letters, but he is focused wholly on the person in front of the camera and how you slowly lift a hand to your mouth, deathly silent despite your every viewer demanding your comment on the matter, your sanguine cheeks visible even through the gaps of your fingers.

That is all he needs to know.

Felix sinks into the leather of his gaming chair and bends to power on his computer. Only after a deep breath blows past his lips does his smile start to stretch into a grin, every bit as embarrassed as it is relieved.

je0ng1n: no way je0ng1n: no fucking way je0ng1n: my heart fluttered je0ng1n: wtf je0ng1n: how’d you pull HIM??

y/nxx has removed je0ng1n as a moderator of this channel.

𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸? please consider reblogging, commenting, or sending me an ask to let me know; or, read my other works here. thanks so much for the support ♡

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spamgyu · 3 months

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SVT HHU - Orange Peel Theory // Drabble

orange peel theory is making it's rounds on local tiktok and twitter. this is my humorous take on how the HIP HOP UNIT discuss/deal with the orange peel theory with their significant others.

[vu] [pu]

SEUNGCHEOL

"would you peel this for me?" she placed a tangerine on his desk – not caring if he was in the middle of playing his video games.

without having to ask twice, seungcheol hid his character behind a container, away from his opponents shots and reached for the fruit. "cover me, wonwoo." he mumbled into the mic, peeling the citrus with ease. "just one?"

y/n smiled as he handed the fruit back to her. "just one."

"that's so small. get another." seungcheol nodded over to the kitchen.

"no this is fine." she shook her head, happy with the results.

he probably thought she was hungry, and considering dinner was hours away, seungcheol knew it would not be enough to hold her off.

standing from his seat, he made his way to the bag of cuties they had purchased at the store – peeling two more.

"that's enough." she laughed, stopping him from peeling a third one.

WONWOO

"baby?"

"hm?" he responded from the other side of the couch, preoccupied with his mobile game.

"would you peel an orange for me?"

wonwoo glanced up, looking behind her to see an empty counter top – a place where they usually kept their fruits.

locking his phone, wonwoo bounded for the door – leaving his girlfriend confused. "where are you going?"

"getting oranges." he replied, as if it was the most obvious response – grabbing his keys off of the hook.

"wait–" y/n laughed, walking over to him. "it was hypothetical."

wonwoo's head tilted to the side, puzzled by the point she was trying to make. "why would it be hypothetical? you asked meaning you want it. it's okay i can get–"

"baby it's a tiktok trend." she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"to ask if i would peel an orange?" he asked slowly.

"they said if you would peel an orange for your significant other, you would do any mundane task for the–"

"i need you to understand i'd peel the earth for you."

throwing her head back, she let out another laugh. she knew he was joking but his delivery had sent her over – keeping a straight face as he replied the most outlandish way possible.

MINGYU

she knew he would peel the orange for her, she didn't need to ask.

in the three years they had been together, not once had she had to open a canned drink, twist open a cap off a bottled water, plan a single date, open her own doors – hell, she hadn't had to put her own gas in her car since she began dating the king of acts of service.

he had done it without being asked.

since being with him, she had been able to turn her brain off – fulfilling her life long wish of being treated like a princess.

but she also didn't think it would be such a hot topic when she had showed him the tiktok of the orange peel theory.

"i'm not humoring this. i won't." he shook his head for the third time.

"why not?!" y/n stomped.

"fine, you want peeled oranges?" mingyu grumbled, walking over to their fruit bowl, peeling the citrus and placing it in front of her. "here."

looking at the bare fruit, y/n couldn't help but wince. not because of his actions.

but because she hated the sight of the white pith. she hated peeled oranges.

it was far too messy to eat and the texture of the white fuzz surrounding it gave her the heebie-jeebies – shuddering just at the thought of touching it.

"exactly." mingyu grabbed another orange and a knife – slicing it in quarters. "i can't peel it because you like it sliced."

she stood there dumfounded as he left the kitchen chuckling.

he won this round.

VERNON

"that's dumb." vernon snorted as his girlfriend showed him the third tiktok of someone's boyfriend failing miserably at their significant other's attempts to ask them to peel an orange for them.

"it's also kinda funny." she laughed.

"i'm one step ahead though."

furrowing her brows, she gave him a look from the other side of the couch.

"that," vernon pointed to the small potted plant resting by their window sill. "is gonna be an orange tree."

he had recently been very into assisting her with finding decorations for their new shared home, at times coming home with various plants and art works. she had gotten accustomed to his random home-good shopping sprees, she didn't dare bat an eye when he had come home with a real potted plant the other day. it would just be another addition to their countless ones that he used to brighten up their home.

"you bought an orange tree– plant?" her eyes wide. he never was the green thumb, killing the cactus she had bought for him years ago. she figured she would be the one to tend to this new plant.

"anyone can peel an orange." he shrugged. "i'll move it to the yard when it gets bigger."

"oh my god."

@thegirlwhoimagined @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @hanniebaby95 @vanillacheol @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @alwaysalmostthere

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

#let's get this straight all of svt WOULD peel the orange for their s/o #i'll make it for other units too...maybe... we'll see... hhu brainrot is so bad rn #svt scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seungcheol x reader #scoups x reader #wonwoo x reader #mingyu x reader #vernon x reader #hansol x reader #seventeen fluff #spamwrites #svt hhu

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