x-force (2008) #27

Prisoner - Bucky Barnes

a/n: hi everyone! i am really excited to share this with you, because this one was written for a writing challenge! it is part of @wkemeup​ ‘s 9k writing challenge and it’s the first time i take part in anything like this with a Bucky fic! not that i have many but im sure more is about to come lol! let me know what you thought after reading!

prompt: Character A is possessed/controlled and attempts to harm Character B. [B] refuses to fight back in fear of hurting [A].  

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: blood, violence, mind controlling, just the usual jazz lol

word count: 7.8k

masterlist

Bucky and you were a pair made in hell. Only that he is the only one out of the two of you who really went through the deepest and darkest corners of it while you were basically just waiting in the lobby, as you like to say it.

He wasn’t the only person HYDRA had plans with. Being an orphan from the age of four, you didn’t have the life you probably deserved. Abducted at the age of twenty, you lived in cells and labs for years before they gave you the serum, turning you into a super solider, with determined plans to turn you into a kind of winter soldier 2.0, eventually wiping your head like his and turning you into the perfect assassin. Only that before they could start with the torture, you were rescued by none other than Captain America during a raid on one of HYDRA’s secret bases.

The Avengers gave you shelter when you had absolutely nothing left in life. Your previous life was long forgotten, almost entirely non-existent, all you had is the safety these extraordinary people were offering you, that you took more than willingly.

You were there when Bucky was captured, still very much fighting with his own conscious. You were in the building when Zemo triggered him into being a murderer again and he broke free, fought his ex best friend, saved his life and then disappeared again. You often found yourself thinking about how you’d be just the same if you weren’t saved. How you’d be out there, used as just a toy to end lives.

You never had to go through the process of ripping this side of yourself out of your head, because they never succeeded with you. But Bucky didn’t have it as lucky as you did. When Shuri contacted you that he was awake from his hibernation and they were working on wiping the winter soldier out of him, you didn’t hesitate to drop everything and be there for him. You didn’t know him that well back then, but you felt like you shared a deep connection through the torturous things you had to go through. You were there for him until he finally became entirely himself. No more winter soldier, just Bucky.

The two of you have tens of missions together behind your back at this point. Partners in work, friends in life, that’s what you are. And in your dreams?

Definitely lovers.

Now as you are rotting in a dark and musty cell somewhere in the middle of Poland, you are starting to regret you never really told him how you feel. You had so many chances to come clear but you were too afraid of rejection and the possibility of ruining your strong friendship and most importantly partnership that you chose to keep it all bottled up inside you.

It might have been days or hours since they locked you in your cell, you wouldn’t know. You lost track of time and you’re not expecting to see the daylight anytime soon either. Are they looking for you? Or do they think you died? No one was around you when you were abducted and there were no signs left behind that would have let your team know you survived. There was a massive explosion near your location in the raid, anyone would easily think that you were caught in the middle of that.

Does Bucky think I’m dead too? Has he given up on me?

You’re starting to think you’ll never find that out. Just like how you’ll never find out what it’s like to grow old, have a home that’s not just a room in a facility, spend your days with your hobbies rather than trainings and missions.

As the thick metal door opens and a creak of light breaks the heavy darkness in your cell, you look up at the man who walks in. If your hands weren’t cuffed with fucking vibranium cuffs, you would easily kill him in a heartbeat along with the three bulky guards he brought with himself.

“It’s time to make a use out of you,” the man grinned before two guards grabbed you by your arms, dragging you out of the cell, taking you God knows here. Probably to your death.

“You have to check twice,” Buckly growled upon hearing Agent Hill’s report from what was found at the scene. Or what was not found.

“No signs of Y/N were found, Bucky. But that explosion was so massive, it wiped out everything in it’s close radius. If she stood close to that…” “But what if she didn’t?!” he snaps, barking at the innocent agent. The room falls silent, no one dares to speak up against Bucky’s raging anger. Fury steps forward and places a hand to the upset soldier’s shoulder as a soft warning to control himself. Bucky takes a deep breath before looking over at Fury, no longer determined to rip anyone apart who wants to argue with him.

“Let’s all calm down and see what we can do. Do you think she survived?” Fury simply questions him. Bucky taps on the panel and a map of the location pulls up on the big screen, showing a little red dot at the places where the team members were located last before the explosion.

“Her last location was far enough of it for her to survive,” he explains pointing at your dot.

“But if she moved just a little closer—“ Hill starts again, but she quickly silences herself when Bucky shoots her another warning look.

“I think she was captured. We can’t just assume that she is gone that easily,” he insists, refusing to even think about the possibility of you dying in that explosion. That’s just simply not an option for him.

Fury stares back at him hard, searching for something in his eyes before he finally nods.

“Alright, let’s get on the case. We need to find out where they could be possibly hiding her.”

Bucky breathes out in relief as the team gets down to work immediately. This is not the part he can help with, he sucks at technical things, so now he is left with just the painful wait until a lead pops up and he can come to your rescue.

 The gym is eerily quiet without your bickering. He always trains with you and it’s been one of his favorite things to do. The two of you liked to race in everything and thought you both knew he was faster and stronger, he always let you win a few times, giving you the chance to tease him about being second after you.

But now as he is punching the heavy bag on his own, he wishes he could hear one of your snarky comments about his lopsided moves, because he still hasn’t entirely gotten used to the uneven strength in his hands.

“If she is really out there, I’m sure she is doing fine.”

Sam walks in, his steps echo in the empty room and though Bucky stops for a moment, he doesn’t look at him, just keeps punching the bag.

“She is tough, Bucky. She can take care of herself.”

“Not when she is outnumbered by a dozen,” he growls back. “I know she is tough, but sometimes that’s just not enough.”

For a long time Bucky thought Steve is the only person he can work with as partners, but he had to realize that he had a special bond with you through the tortures you both had to go through and sometimes he felt like you were the only one who understood him truly. Even though your brain wasn’t washed like his, you were close to it and it gave you a great understanding of what he had to go through.

But it wasn’t just about the trauma. As you grew closer to each other you easily became friends, really good ones for all that matters. Bucky loved spending time with you on and out of missions as well. He finds your humor a little dark but quite entertaining, he likes how you are more social than he is so whenever you need to work with someone else you always take the role of the communicator, building a bridge between him and others easily. He loves how much you care about others, how you show your appreciation for your loved ones in the tiny details as making breakfast or baking their favorite cookies. He loves the way you smile whenever he messes up something and you have to take care of it eventually, he loves the way you laugh at his lame, old jokes, he loves how you always fall asleep on horror movies and he loves…

He loves you.

For years he thought he would never feel this way again for anyone, because it’s so raw and human, he thought it was wiped out of him when he became the winter soldier, but you proved him wrong. And now he wishes he told you how he felt, because if you won’t return, he has to live his life knowing you never knew how much you meant to him.

Tossing and turning in his bed, he stays wide awake, not able to even close his eyes when he knows you are out there somewhere, because you have to be. He refuses to nurse the thought of you gone for even a second. You’re qualified, the best fighter he has ever met and he has this feeling in his gut that you made it out of there alive. Maybe you knew the explosion was about to happen. Maybe you ran the opposite way before it was too late. Or maybe you found shelter, or simply was just knocked out of the impact of it and they captured you.

So many possibilities that are way more better than the fatality of your death.

Kicking the silky sheets off his body, the ones he deep down hates because it’s way too smooth against his skin, something he still has a hard time to grow accustomed to, he pulls a hoodie over his head before creeping his way out of his bedroom, down the hallway until he reaches yours. He stands still at the door, a sense of anxiety washing over him as he thinks about what’s inside. Not that it’s the first time he is here, he has spent endless nights in your room, the two of you talking and laughing as you showed him your favorite movies he hasn’t seen. You often bought a big bag of snacks for your movie nights and the two of you sprawled across your comforter, your legs sometimes touching, or there was this one time when he let you braid his hair.

“You should come to missions like this,” he remembers your teasing as you ran your fingers through the neat braids running along his head.

“And give the boys another reason to tease me? No thank you,” he chuckled.

“Another? What do they tease you about?” you asked furrowing your eyebrows as you popped a gummybear into your mouth.

You. It was you they teased him about and how obvious his feelings for you are. Seemingly everyone saw how you looked at each other but you and him.

He twists the silver doorknob before pushing the door open, part of him hoping to see you curled up under the sheets, snoring lightly and peacefully, but the room is terribly empty without your presence.

Everything is just the way you left them. The abandoned workout clothes hanging from the edge of the hamper, your running shoes under the window, your journal lying on your nightstand with a pen on top and his favorite… a framed picture of you and him on your bookshelf with all your favorite romantic novels stacked neatly on the shelves.

Bucky steps closer, his hands hidden in the pooch of his hoodie as he stares at the photo. It was taken a few days after the two of you returned from Wakanda, Bucky was finally free from the winter soldier and it was probably the best few days of his life. The two of you decided to take a trip to London before returning to your duty, a place you always wanted to see, but never really got the chance. It was just the two of you, taking some time away from the avengers, SHIELD, all the bad in the world, pretending like you’re two normal people for just a weekend before returning to your duties in New York. The photo was taken when you returned from the getaway, Steve took it in the gym, the two of you sat at the edge of the boxing ring after a killer fight. It was a simple moment, his arm stretched behind you as you leant against his side. The glow from your alone time was still apparent on your faces, neither of you felt happier in life before, or not at least in the last decade.

His vision blurs as he runs a finger through the frame, a sharp pain stabbing in his chest as he watches your bright smile and rosy cheeks. He never thought he would feel this way about anyone, not after everything he went through, but you proved him wrong. You showed him how much more human he still is that what he thinks of himself and you might not even have realized it.

Too restless to go back to sleep, Bucky storms out of your room, carefully closing the door behind him before going down to Tony’s office, determined to make himself useful. He can’t just sit around and wait, he needs to feel like he is doing everything he can.

When the first rays of the sun shine above the horizon and the first agents arrive for their shifts, He has already gone through an immense amount of security tapes from all around the world that had even the slightest match through the face recognition system with yours. None of them turned out to be real, but he never gave up.

“Barnes, were you here all night?” Tony asks in awe when he finds the long-haired avenger with his eyes glued to one of the screens, watching yet another tape.

“Not all night, but… for the majority, yes,” he nods without even sparing Tony a look.

Any other day Tony would tease him for maybe finally doing something useful, or not only using his fist in a case, but not today. Everyone on the team knows how much you mean to him and how hard it is to not know where you are. So he just nods, places his coffee down to the desk and gets down to work without a word.

Soon enough the rest of the team joins them and everyone is working together to find even the slightest lead. Every other minor case is put aside, you are their priority.

The more time passes by without anything found, Bucky feels like a part of him is dying more and more. Hopelessness and fear is taking over his already messed up mine, but he is still holding onto the light and that small little feeling in his gut that you are still out there somewhere. And then they find a lead.

“We’ve got a match!” Nat beams from behind her screen and everyone gathers around her as a series of blurry photos play in front of them, showing a group of men carrying a clearly unconscious person to a minivan before driving away. The quality is definitely not the best, your face is also half covered by your hair, but your uniform gives you away. It really is you.

“Where and when was this taken?” Bucky asks in a hurry.

“Last night, outside of Krakow. We have one last coordinate for the van,” Nat informs the group as she brings up a map, a red dot signaling the last spotting of the same van.

“There’s a closed off military based near,” Steve chimes in, pointing at the map a few miles away from where the pictures were taken.

“Alright, suit up everyone. Guess we are going to Poland,” Tony announces and a moment later everyone is running off to get ready for takeoff.

The ground doesn’t feel that bad anymore. It’s wet and there’s gravel here and there, the coldness is not too comfortable either, but you are getting used to it. Probably because it makes you feel things and that’s important to you now. In times when you often lose contact with your own body and mind, feelings keep you grounded and they remind you of who you are.

Last night you finally found out who caught you and it wasn’t a pleasant surprise. Aziel Nowak is a name you’ve already heard before, but not in the best way. The guy is totally crazy and if that’s not enough, he is kind of a genius as well. These two never sit well with each other and you knew it was just a matter of time before you had to face him, but you didn’t think these would be the circumstances.

Nowak’s father, Aleksander was a well-known scientist in the circles of HYDRA, he was one of the assholes responsible for wiping Bucky’s head, unfortunately, his own creation brought his death upon him. Bucky killed him during a raid, all while Aleksander was trying to trigger him, but Bucky was faster than him and shoot him in the head before he could get the second trigger word out. Aziel swore to seek revenge for his father’s death and made it clear that his big plan is to take out every avenger one by one, but all during completely destroying Bucky in every possible way.

Stuck in a clear tube, one that was built specially for super soldiers, you stood in his lab as he got everything ready for his master plan with you.

“The winter soldier was full of flaws,” he started to explain to you, working behind his computer while you couldn’t do anything to stop the madness. Even if you could break out of the tube, you were terribly outnumbered with the hoard of guards in the room, all of them armed and ready to rip you apart. It would have been a suicidal mission.

“The trigger words take a lot of time to enlist and sometimes, we just don’t have time for that. We need our soldier instantly, in a push of a button, if I might add,” he smirked and you almost gagged. He was a lowlife, disgusting middle-aged man, completely out of touch of reality, wrapped up in his own head with his ridiculous misconceptions and twisted view of the world.

“But fear no more, I have a better solution,” he grinned at you, holding up a tiny chip between his fingers and your jaw flexed. You didn’t know what it was, but you had guesses. “Spent years working on this little thing and now I can finally test it out and you get to be the lucky one to do it. Start the gas,” he ordered and a moment later some kind of gas started to fill the tube up. Your pathetic attempt to escape was cut off shortly when you felt your whole body freeze as you inhaled the gas. You just stood there, completely no control over your own body. The back of the tube opened with a hiss once the gas cleared out from around you and you felt a sharp stabbing at the back of your neck. You couldn’t even gasp, you were as frozen as a statue, unable to defend yourself and you truly felt like it’s the end. You wish it was though.

Nowak implanted the chip into your spine and you could feel the wires cling into your nerves, melting into your body like a parasite. A single tear rolled down your cheek as your wound was closed off.

“This is going to be so much fun,” Nowak smirked when he walked into your sight again. He had a control panel in his hands and as he pushed some buttons electricity bolted through your whole body and you completely lost control over your actions. Your body moved without your consent, arms and legs acting without your brain actually telling them.

You became a prisoner in your own body.

The night was spent fighting with Nowak’s best guards as he tested out his new toy: you. He could control your whole body thanks to the chip and while you were screaming and shouting in your head, there was no escape. He made you into his ragdoll and there was nothing you could do against it.

He switched the chip off when you were thrown back into the cell. You sobbed for hours probably as you tried to get the thing out of yourself, blood was dripping down your back, but you had to accept that it was too deep, clinging onto your spine, you couldn’t get it out with your bare hands.

Now you are lying on the floor and try to remember who you are, because you’ve been feeling like you lost touch with your true self. The only thing that has been helping is remembering your favorite memories.

It makes your heart flutter when you realize that most of them have Bucky in them. Your most favorite? The time you spent in London. Those days are the closest and dearest to your heart and now you just wish you could go back in time for even just an hour. Strolling down the streets like any other tourists without a worry in the world, watching the city lay in front of you as you ride the London Eye or walking along the River Thames. You felt so normal, so happy, sharing your time with the man you probably love the most in the whole wide world.

“I could live here,” you sighed when the Big Ben came into view above the brick buildings.

“It rains too much here,” Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at you, his arm brushing against yours.

“I like the rain. Love the smell of it, love how refreshing it feels after it,” you chuckled.

“And what would you want to do here?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe I would work at a library. Or a café!”

“You want to be a barista!” He chuckled, smirking down on you. “Is this why you wanted Tony to get a fancy espresso machine?”

“Well, not just because of this, I just really like good coffee,” you smiled up at him. “What, do you not like my coffee?”

“Oh, I do. You make the best in the tower,” he nodded.

You could always talk about anything and everything with him. He understood you so well and you liked to think it worked the other way as well. That you were just as important to him as he was to you.

“Bucky.” His name falls from your lips like a desperate plea, as if you could summon him and he’d be here any moment to rescue you. But nothing changes and you are still on your own.

You’ve been wondering if this is how he felt when they made him to be the winter soldier. If he went through the same struggle or if it was worse. He said he doesn’t remember everything he did, as if sometimes he just completely disappeared in his own head, but other times live vividly in his memories.

You remember everything too. The chip has no control over your mind and thoughts, it works as another brain that takes over control in your body, caging your mind in your own head while it works your body.

A siren rings through the building and you gasp, your head snapping in the direction of the metal door. You hear orders in a foreign language and running footsteps somewhere down the hallway. Pushing yourself up you move to the far end of the room as you hear someone approaching your cell. Before the lock clicks on the door, you feel the familiar electricity run through your body and you breathe out before you lose control over your body again. You stand up, not because you want to, but because this is what they ordered. The door swings open and Nowak walks in.

“Guess your little friends figured out where you are. It’s time to show them my masterpiece.”

The military base is pretty lively for a closed off one. As the team is approaching the complex they inspect the possibilities they have to get inside.

“Alright, we have to be smart about this. Nowak is a psychopath,” Tony announces when the quinjet is nearing the base. “Barron and Natasha, we need a diversion. Banner, you stay here and only come in if it’s needed,” he starts and everyone nods along. “Wanda, the same goes for you as well. Listen to the call word and be ready to interfere. Sam and I are going to clear the main building, try to find Nowak. Barnes, Cap, you are tracking Y/N down. Everything clear?”

“As daylight,” Steve nods as he grabs his shield from the side.

Once the quinjet touches down, everyone goes their own way, going along the plan they discussed. Nat and Clint do well with the diversion, a great amount of guards and soldiers are drawn in their way as Tony and Sam make their way into the main building of the base.

“Where should we look, Buck?” Steve asks his friend as they hide behind one of the quarters. Bucky looks around, inspects the place and nods towards a building that’s clearly powered with a lot more electricity for whatever reason, Thick cables running inside, snaking under the doors, pouring extra power inside. Steve nods and once the way is somewhat cleared out, they head inside.

They take down the few HYDRA agents that try to get in their way as they run further into the building without even breaking a sweat. They easily reach the lab and it almost feels way too easy.

“Something is not right,” Steve says as the two of them walk into the empty lab, curious inspecting all the machines and equipment they have absolutely no idea how to work.

Bucky’s eyes fall on the tube in the far corner of the room and walking closer he gets an eerie feeling and he can already picture you trapped inside, the thought making his stomach churn.

“Anyone found Nowak yet?” Steve asks through the com.

“Negative,” Nat grunts back in the middle of her own fight.

“Haven’t seen the fucker either,” Tony answers and Steve sighs.

Just as Bucky is about to head to the door that leads out of the lab at the other end from where they entered, the sliding door opens and they both get ready to fight whatever is about to come into sight. But neither of them were expecting you to walk out.

“Y/N?!” your name falls from Steve’s lips as he lets his shield down, staring back at you confused. But you don’t answer, just stop a few feet away from them, staring blankly ahead of you and Bucky swears he was on the verge of fainting from his anger, because he knew those eyes all too well, because he used to see them in the mirror.

“Y/N, what did they do?” he whispers desperately, a hand reaching out to you, but it’s quickly cut off when you grab his hand and easily throw him over, his back contacting the floor with a painful thump.

Hell breaks loose fast as you start fighting them off, using the advantage of their shock upon seeing you, working against them while they try to make you remember them.

“Y/N, it’s us! We don’t want to hurt you!” Steve growls when he saves himself from one of your hits, his shield coming between the two of you.

I know! I know it’s you, but I can’t do anything! You scream in your own head, unable to even form the words. You’re a prisoner in this body you thought to be yours, but it betrayed you.

You never fought both of them before at the same time, but now that it’s happening, you’re surprisingly good at it, handling two super soldiers at the same time when one of them has a vibranium arm while the other one keeps throwing a vibranium shield at you, though it’s clear they aren’t giving their best, afraid of hurting you even though you’re in killer mode right now and determined to rip them apart.

“Do you think they did the same to her as they did to you?” Steve asks out of breath when you throw them against a wall and return to fight Bucky.

“It’s something else. Look at the back of her neck!” he growls when you throw a punch in his way that he catches with his metal arm, holding your fist tight as you keep pushing it and this moment of pause allows Steve to take a look at you from the back.

“Oh shit,” he breathes out.

Yes! Take this shit out and I’m free! You scream, but no one hears. Your fist frees from Bucky’s grip and you kick him in the stomach so hard he snaps against the desk behind him and wasting no time you jump right at him, the fight continues.

“If anyone finds Nowak, don’t kill him. We’ve got Y/N and she is being controlled by something,” Steve explains through his earpiece before throwing his shield in your direction right when you’re about to attach your hands to Bucky’s neck. It hits you in the side and you fall to the ground grunting.

“Don’t fucking hurt her!” Bucky growls at him, but Steve gives him a look.

“She is trying to kill us, we have to do something!”

You’re on your feet fast, already charging at Steve and it catches him by surprise, he stumbles back as your knee collides with his stomach, a punch thrown at his pretty face.

“I see Nowak!” Tony’s voice comes through the earpieces, but they don’t have the chance to celebrate, because you’re kicking their ass big time.

When you want to launch yourself at Steve again, Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist from behind and he pulls back, pushing you away, making you stumble, but you’re back on your feet quickly. Your eyes meet and you want to touch him so badly, run into his arms, tell him how happy you are to see him and that he was the only thing that kept you sane, but instead, you throw yourself at him, fist colliding with the side of his head.

I’m so sorry, Buck!

“We’ve got Nowak!” Tony announces and Steve sighs in relief.

“Does he have something like a remote or controller?” he asks while you and Bucky are at each other’s throat. You throw him to a desk and drag him across it, papers and equipment flying everywhere before he ends up on the floor groaning. You have the perfect chance to throw a punch in again, but you turn around and run back towards the door you came through.

“He has a controlling panel, do you think it’s connected to Y/N?” Tony asks.

“Very much likely, but please hurry up, she is trying to run away!” Steve begs as they both start to chase after you in the labyrinth of hallways. You’re footsteps are echoing on the checkered floors as they are trying to catch up with you. You take a left turn and get out of their vision just for a split second. As they get around the corner they immediately freeze when they find you standing there, a gun pointing right at Bucky’s head, a deadly, but still rather blank expression in your eyes.

“Shit,” Steve breathes out.

“Y/N, I know you are in there,” Bucky speaks up.

Yes! I’m here! I’m here Bucky!

“The controller is locked, but we are working on it,” Tony announces through the com, but it doesn’t help their situation right now. If he can’t unlock the controller, you are likely to shoot them both if they don’t do something. As you stare back at your two friends, you are using everything in you to try to get back the control over your own body, but it’s like you’re just silently screaming in an empty, locked room.

“I know you hear me. Please, try to fight it off. I know how hard it is, but if anyone can do it, it’s you,” Bucky continues and if only you were in charge of yourself, you’d already be sobbing at the broken expression he is staring back at you with. Your finger is on the trigger and you can feel your muscles trembling.

“Buck, we need to disarm her,” Steve tells him, but he shakes his head.

“No. We can’t do that without hurting her and I’m not doing that.”

Oh Bucky! That’s the only way now!

“She is gonna shoot, Bucky. We have to do something!”

“She could have already fired. She is fighting it off, I know it.”

“Or maybe it’s just whatever it is inside her messing with her head as Tony is trying to break the controller.”

“Y/N, sweetheart, I know you can do this. I’m not gonna hurt you, you can fight it!” Bucky continues, ignoring Steve’s words, who stands behind him with his jaw flexed.

I can’t do it, you need to knock me out! I’m not strong enough to do it!

You are trying everything you can and you are already holding your finger back, you would have already pulled the trigger if it wasn’t for your resistance somewhere in this cage. But you just know you’re not strong enough to stop yourself forever, they will need to disarm you, there’s no choice.

You stare back at Bucky, his forehead and left cheek bloody from wounds you gave him and he probably has a few bruises under his leather jacket as well, all because of you. Nowak made you hurt the person you love the most and now his life is being threatened. You know he won’t fight you, he will not try to disarm you, he would rather take the bullet than cause pain to you, more than what he already did during your fight.

The gun trembles in your hand as you’re desperately trying to gain your control back, sweat beading on your forehead, your chest heaving.

“Stark, we are running out of time!” Steve warns him through the com.

“Just one more second!” he answers, but you’re afraid you don’t have that much time.

“Y/N, please!” Bucky begs, a single tear rolling down his cheek and you can feel your own heart breaking at the sight of him. You can’t believe it’s because of you, you are causing him pain when you swore to work to see him his happiest in his life.

Your jaw flexes and you are on the verge of breaking, the tiniest light flashing in front of you as you keep pushing, trying to take back control, but then you feel like losing again. It all happens so fast, you can barely process.

You know you’re about to pull the trigger, you can’t stop yourself, but just as you are about to do it, Tony’s voice rings through the com.

“We got it!”

In a blink of the eye, the invisible grip that’s been keeping you tight vanishes, the cage opens up and suddenly you feel yourself come alive again as the most painful, deafening and desperate scream rips from your throat, the gun falling from your grip before you collapse on the ground in complete shock of everything that went down.

“Get it out! Get it out! I can’t do this!” you scream, your nails scratching the back of your neck once again, trying to reach the chip, but you’re just breaking your own skin once again, blood dripping down your back.

“Hey, it’s alright, sweetheart. We got you. You’re gonna be fine!” Bucky falls to his knees, cradling you into his arms as you sob into his hard chest, hands gripping the fabric of his jacket tight as your salty tears soak your cheeks, your whole body shaking.

“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you repeat, shaking your head as if you were trying to get rid of the memories, but they are still there, you still know what it’s like to be a prisoner in your own head but at least now you are with Bucky and that brings you the peace of mind you’ve been seeking all along.

“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s alright. You’ll be alright, sweetheart, you’re safe with me now,” he murmurs into your hair, his arms holding you so tight it’s starting to get hard to even breathe, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You cling onto him as if your life depends on it and in a way, it really does. Bucky gathers you into his arms as you keep mumbling your apologies and begs to make it stop even though you are not being controlled any longer. He carries you to the quinjet as he keeps murmuring reassuring words into your ear, telling you that everything is going to be alright now. You are in good hands.

You don’t let go of him on the way back and he doesn’t seem to want to do it either. Curled up on his lap, you let yourself fall into a shallow slumber as his fingers are dancing up and down your back, keeping you close to his chest, the feeling of finally being home taking over your senses.

Arriving back to New York you are helped off the jet by Bucky or course as he walks you to the med bay where Dr. Cho is already waiting for your arrival.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. We’ll fix you up,” she smiles at you as you are expected to let go of Bucky, but your head snaps back in his direction in panic, hands grabbing onto his anxiously.

“It’s alright, I’ll be here waiting for you. My stupid face will be the first thing you see when you wake up,” he jokes, his tired eyes fixated on you as you hesitate to let go of him, but eventually do it.

Keeping his promise Bucky stay outside as long as you are under Helen’s hands, not able to even drag him away to change clothes. The only thing he can make himself is dragging his ass to the nearest restroom to at least wash the dried blood off his face, but he quickly returns to his previous spot.

It turns out removing the chip is a bit more complicated than anyone thought. The micro wires are so deep in your nerves, Dr. Cho has to be careful if he doesn’t want to paralyze you with just one wrong move. Five entire hours pass by before the chip is finally out of you, before they place you in one of the rooms until you wake up from the anesthesia. Bucky is right by your side, holding your hand soothingly as he waits for you to open your eyes again. When he sees your eyelashes fluttering, he holds his breath as your eyes open and you adjust to the light and the view around you.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” he softly asks, gently brushing a strand of hair out of your forehead.

“Like… I just fought against two super soldiers,” you breathe out in a joking manner that makes him chuckle. You’re back and he missed you more than he could ever express.

As you let out a long and heave breath, you feel everything coming back to you and you can’t stop your sobs and the tears falling from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky,” you gasp and he is quick to leap forward, one hand holding yours while the other one cups your cheek as he makes you turn your head towards him.

“No, no, no. You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N. You did everything you could, you fought it so well!”

“But I hurt you! I didn’t want to hurt you, I was screaming inside my head, but I just couldn’t stop!” you sob shaking your head.

“I know, it wasn’t your fault! Please don’t think for a moment anyone blames you!” he begs, his bright blue eyes glued to your pained face as you fight your tears back. A hand moves to the back of your neck, feeling the wound where the chip used to be.

“Is it gone?” you ask in a whisper.

“It is. Helen took good care of you. You’re free now,” he smiles and you feel a wave of relief washing over you right away. Your body is yours again, finally.

“I didn’t think I would be myself again,” you admit, your voice slightly shaking. Bucky’s heart breaks at your words, but remains silent as you carry on. “I kept thinking of memories that feel the closest to me and it was the only thing that kept me sane. And I realized that the dearest ones are all with you, Bucky.”

His lips part at your revelation as his heart is beating fast against his ribcage. He has been waiting for this moment to come for what feels like eternity and now it might become his reality.

“When I thought I would never be the same again, I just thought about… you. That I don’t get to see you again, when I always wanted to spend all my days with you, Buck.”

“I want to spend all my days with you too, sweetheart,” he breathes out, leaning closer until his face is only inches away from yours. “I hated the thought of you being gone without ever telling you how I feel.”

“How do you feel, Bucky?” you ask in a trembling voice.

“You are my everything, Y/N. You are my best friend and everything beyond and I was such a fool for not telling you before this, but the thought of losing you made me realize that I have to stop being a coward,” he chuckles with tears bubbling in his eyes. You reach out and cup his face in your palms, your thumb running along the dark circles under his eyes and you wonder if he even slept a moment since you’ve been gone.

“We were both idiots, don’t beat yourself,” you chuckle softly, making his mouth turns into a grin before he leans closer and his lips finally press against yours, capturing them in a sweet, so-good-to-have-you-back kiss you’ve been dreaming about for probably way too long but at least since London. It’s soft and gentle, filled with the promise of many more to come. Thought you’re trying to stretch it as long as possible, a cough is heard from the door and you both pull back, turning your attention at the rest of the team standing there, all of them happy to see you again, or maybe to see the two of you finally taking the step they’ve been waiting for to happen.

“I guess you are feeling better now, yeah?” Nat smirks as she walks further inside, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Much better,” you admit with a shy chuckle. “Thank you for the rescuing, guys.”

“It’s the least we could do,” Sam smirks at you.

“And Barnes would have gone nuts if we didn’t find you so that was also quite motivating,” Tony jokes nodding towards the man by your side, who is still holding your hand as if you could disappear any moment.

“Steve, I’m sorry for trying to hurt you,” you breathe out at the sight of the tall blonde man, but he just shrugs with a warm smile.

“It’s alright. At least now we know that you could easily kick our ass at the same time,” he jokes nodding towards Bucky, though you all know they were holding back, not wanting to hurt you. You still remember the look in Bucky’s eyes when you held him at gunpoint. He could have easily disarmed you but it would have cost you at least a broken arm, yet he refused to lay a hand on you and believed that you could control yourself again.

When the team is gone and it’s just the two of you again in the room, Bucky sits at the edge of your bed, his fingers playing with your hand over the white sheets as you let yourself fall into the sense of safety again.

“You should have disarmed me, Bucky,” you tell him, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I could have killed you,” you retort.

“I know,” he nods, his lips pressing into a thin line. “But I just couldn’t cause you any more pain.”

“The fact that I was hurting you was already a pain, Bucky. You should have just knock me out.”

“Would you ever do the same to me?” he questions and though you open your lips to answer, you realize that he is right. You would have never hurt him on purpose, not even if he was back at being the winter soldier. You could have never hurt your sweet Bucky, the man that means more than anything ever in your torturous life.

“See? How do you expect me to do it then?” he smiles softly. “But it doesn’t matter, you are free now. It’s all in the past.”

“It still broke my heart, seeing you like that.”

“I can only say the same,” he breathes out, his eyes softening on you. “I wanted to help you so bad, but I couldn’t…”

“You helped me a lot,” you smile at him, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of his forehead. He smiles back at you and through his ocean eyes are still looking tired and a little bloodshot, but there’s a tiny little glimmer in them, something you’ve seen before, it was the most apparent when Shuri was successful at ridding him from the winter soldier and you also saw it in London. You’ve been seeking this little shine for a long time and you’re happy to have it back.

“We should go on a vacation,” he suggests, his smile growing wider with each passing second.

“Oh, I didn’t know avengers had vacation days,” you tease him.

“They do, as much as they want,” he nods grinning. “Where would you want to go? Do you want to go back to London?” he questions as he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your bruised knuckles.

“Mm, we should go somewhere new,” you purse your lips. “I’ve always wanted to see Amsterdam.”

“Then Amsterdam it is,” he chuckles before leaning closer he kisses your lips gently with a promise of a bright future together.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

Highlights and insights from the MELE launch cast & crew reunion panel

[rewatch link] [highlights & insights from the N7 Day 2020 reunion]

In case a text format is better for anyone (in terms of accessibility for example). Cut for length.

Some paraphrasing.

If anyone’s interested in just the line-reading session, it starts at timestamp ~1:04:45.

In addition to the cast and crew from the N7 Day reunion, at this reunion also in attendance were: 

Mac Walters (Project Director for MELE, Lead Writer of the og MET)

Melanie Faulknor (Lead Producer for MELE)

Crystal McCord (Producer for MELE)

Fred Tatasciore (Saren)

Seth Green (Joker)

Kimberly Brooks (Ash)

Ash Sroka (Tali)

This was the biggest reunion / meetup of the cast so far, and some of the cast and crew were meeting for the first time here.

It’s been so long since the og MET that PW & KW are getting to watch their kids experience playing it for the first time

JHale doesn’t play but since MELE she’s been sneaking around Twitch jumping into peoples’ MELE livestreams to lurk, watch and comment a bit

What drew Seth to the character of Joker? The whole concept of the game. He likes games and MET’s mechanics (different trees of adventure, stacking reputation, choices carrying between games) at the time were the most sophisticated that he’d ever heard pitched. He thought this was new and exciting and wanted to be a part of it. For the character they cast him based on his personality traits (i.e. he sounds quite similar to Joker personality-wise)

Would Seth ever want to play Joker again if the opportunity presented itself? Sure, he loves the character, and if the writers ever had more things to explore/expand with Joker he’d be down for it. 

Seth said that it’s a different kind of fan that approach him about this project. The fans have spent many many hours in an intimate exchange with “him” that he hasn’t been a part of, but they experienced it nonetheless. “I’ve hugged a lot of strangers, you know what I’m saying? It’s great, you get an interaction with fans that you never get as a performer in any other experience”

Seth has been a space guy since he was little, it inspires him

With the state of the world the way it is now [covid, masks etc], does Ash think Tali’s story will be more impactful now than it was before? Ash hopes so, and that anything they do here will have a positive impact on a bigger level. Ultimately that’s why most of them do what they do, they want to reach people in deep ways. She hopes Tali is an inspiration in courage, bravery, standing up for what’s right and thinking about the greater good

The [MELE I think] dev team had a last team meeting with Greg Zeschuk, one of the founders of BioWare, who they had invited to it. He was regaling them with stories of the inception of Mass Effect. “You would imagine this sort of well-laid out, drawing boards everywhere... [but] it was basically just a napkin sketch in a Greek taverna with him and Casey going ‘We wanna do a space opera’, and then it took off”

The process of creating lore through development is very organic. A lot of it comes from character and story development. It builds up over the course of the game’s development. They did the codex entries at the end, the idea being that if they saved them for as late as they could, then they could pull from the story, characters and meaningful moments, and build them from there

PW wrote a bunch of the codex entries, elevator banter & lots of little bits of lore. They describe their time on the og MET as being a “baby writer”. They originally came in after Mac had back surgery and a junior writer was needed to fill in. “It was really fun, it was us sitting in a room together going ‘What do you think a hanar or a krogan thinks about this or that’?” For a first project for them this was an amazing experience - the world building itself creatively with all these awesome people

They tried to add multiplayer in every game but only got it to work in ME3

They had a lot of plots laid out in ME1 that they called “global plots”. These were outside the core critical path and would take players from planet to planet, and were sprawling stories. They pulled out a lot of really interesting concepts and ideas from these that did make it into the game, but all of the global plots ended up getting cut due to time. Mac still has old diagrams and spreadsheets which detailed how all of these would have come together

Q. If you all had to take a long-distance road-trip with two squadmates, who would you take and why? PW: “Jack and Mordin. Mordin because the drive would never lack for things to talk about at length quickly, Jack because you know you wouldn’t pay for the room. You wouldn’t know how you’d get the room, but you wouldn’t be paying for it.” Courtenay: “I’d take Mordin because there’d be singing, and FemShep just to have this thing - happen. In the room that I get for free.” JHale at this point fistpumped while saying “Yeess” [then I think what she said was “steaming hot”]

Seeing as asari are long-lived, how open is Ali to one day reprising her role as Liara? “She’s a character very close to my heart, it was such a great opportunity. In some games that we work on the character has already been created or voiced by someone else, but this was really a group effort. When I first went into the booth, the only thing I’d seen of her was a sort of like, rendering, and we slowly kind of came to her voice and presence. I would love to bring Liara back any time... hey, she can live a really long time guys. :D”

Caroline and people who do what she does (Creative Performance Director) are so critical to the quality of games. Caroline: “This group of people are extraordinary. We were lucky to have such an extraordinary cast. Every [recording] session was new and challenging. It was a labor of love. I’m tearing up right now thinking about it. I’m remembering my last session with Jen, she was the last session, just sobbing and sobbing”. When JHale was trying to say the lines of Shepard’s goodbye with Garrus, a line hit her like a tonne of bricks and she was in tears and was like “Shepard does not cry”. “It took me a second, I got it out and took another run at it, it was in there but stuffed down as it should have been, and I finished the line [and there was silence in the booth when usually Caroline would have been talking to give direction or instruction] Did we lose her? Did Skype crash?” and it transpired that what had happened was that Caroline was in floods of tears

ME was the first time Keythe had ever come across branching dialogue. “Normally when we work on a script and it’s from page 1 to 100. In this it was get to page 5, then go back to page 2 and play it a little differently. The skill and the fun and joy of it was to be able to go back and play a scene in a different way, with different writing, with different outcomes. This was not only a challenge but a real treat. So to all the writers who dreamed up how this build-your-own-adventure plays out, you have my undying respect. It was a real pleasure”

VEDA is a proprietary system that BW use to record the dialogue, which is the closest way of having it feel like having people in the booth together (it’s all digital and VAs get to hear the line someone else has done in that scene). Caroline really pushed for this because of the amount of time etc that was wasted due to lack of this sort of thing on ME1. William: “It was a god send for me, thank you, getting to hear a cue from Jen or Mark.” Ali: “Us being able to bounce off each other helps make it more real. This for me was the most real acting experience on a game I had ever had - the writing being so good, Caroline helping us through, being able to hear each other.” JHale was always early coming in to record relative to the others so only got to use VEDA a few times - a bit of Liara content and the scene with Anderson towards the end. “Those two times, oh my god it was amazing”. VEDA being a thing also helps from a scheduling standpoint

Seth and Tricia Helfer (EDI) only got to be in the booth actually together 1 time, to record/shoot a piece of promotional video. “We actually got to record a scene together and we were like ‘oh my god this is the best thing ever’. It was great, even though I had to stand on a stool. She’s the best”

Seth: “As an actor, the kind of opportunity to do this kind of material in games just didn’t exist.” Fred: “Oh, never! I had never had a villain part that was complicated like that. In a game? Never before, it was really interesting”

Raphael always goes back to the fact that ME brought more women into gaming than any other game before it. “The writing and the complexity of the relationships gave us so much ballast”. “This set this apart from running, shooting, gunning, looting”

JHale: “What I noticed in the times before when I got to be around fans, there was a huge hunger among women in the gaming world for something they could really jump into. They were starving for something which fed them what they deserved and needed”

Mac: “[praising Caroline] Caroline would often come to us as writers and challenge us and say, as an example, ‘Do we really need another male character to do this? Why are we writing another male character for this?’ She pushed that very early and to the betterment of everything we created”

PW: “Karin and Cookie and all of the editors across the trilogy, [were critical in] making sure that Shepard sounded consistent - [especially since] we had a large writing team, writers came and went, Mac is the only one with a significant writing contribution on each of the games”

PW: “[on game dev] It’s a process of getting hundreds of people pointed in the same direction, all believing that this is something worth doing”

Ash: “Having all the different possibilities and avenues, going back to play them all out in the different ways [really helped to round the character of Tali out and make her feel like a natural person]”.

VAs only get paid for the original recording sessions, not again (as in they don’t any royalties or anything from something like the remaster)

In MELE, they left all the original credits at the end of each game in

Fred: “It’s creating in five dimensions [because of all the outcomes and relationships etc]”. Seth: “The cool thing is that the audience feels that. They’re immediately struck by how dense, thought-out, prepared and planned the entire universe is”

How was it for the new MELE devs coming onto this? Crystal: “I knew it [the series and fans’ love for it] was big, but I didn’t know it was BIG! Working on MELE there was this infectious excitement. Being part of it was so exciting.” Melanie: “I came on at ME3, I had a 3 or 4 year honeymoon period with BioWare. Coming onto MELE, I’m getting really emotional. One of my first meetings originally was going into a cinematic review for an epic Tali scene in ME3”. Crystal: “On MELE, we had an hour or 2 every day where the team came together to play the game. In those reviews, a lot of the devs who worked on the original would tell all these stories. It was really fun to hear all the inside stories on ME’s creation and be a part of that”

DC: “Should this unit get vaccinated?” Ash: “Of course”

How do they think ME will be viewed in the next 10-20 years, what do they think its legacy will be? A piece of history, ground-breaking. It broke down some barriers and opened doors for people. It’s a powerful, powerful community. It’ll continue to age quite well and be enjoyed by a new generation, it’s original and evergreen and there’s a lot in it that people go back to. There’s a lot of universal things in it (personal experiences, like there will always be love, people fighting to belong, trying to make sense of their pasts etc)

JHale and Alix did the “I love you Shepard, now go save the world again” Shep-Sam exchange and both got teary. It was then Seth’s turn to line-read: “Jesus Christ, now that I’m good and choked up, fucking mess”. Ali was also actually crying from it

Seth: “It can’t be overstated, this community is so large and global, it is one of the most powerful fandoms that I’ve ever been greeted with. Thank you”. Ash: “It’s the most amazing group of fans ever. We’re all so grateful”

Some funny anecdotes/stories:

PW didn’t realize that Alix could do different accents. They remember a time when they were listening in the booth and an Alliance soldier was complaining about the gear had been given. They said “Wow that’s really good, who is that?” and the VO producer said “That’s Alix, Patrick”, “because she wasn’t doing her [normal British accent but was doing a Californian accent instead]. Alix roasted me later for not recognizing her voice and never let me heard the end of it”

Alix: “[on Sam’s toothbrush] Caroline’s like, ‘So then she pulls her toothbrush’ and I’m like ‘What? Sorry? A toothbrush?’ and obviously it’s funny now as everyone knows that Sam’s thing is her toothbrush. Caroline’s like ‘Yeah, you’ve gotta like, flirt, over the toothbrush’ and I’m like ‘Who wrote this - a frickin toothbrush, are you kidding me? Really guys?’ ANYWAY. I was wrong and it worked. :D”

Fred: “I remember a 12 year old kid coming up to me and being like [flat tone] ‘Oh yeah. I killed you’.”

Keythe: “The other assasin I play is Kellogg in Fallout 4. People come up to me like ‘Omg. I love you so much. And then I fucking KILLED you!’”

Courtenay once went out to dinner in NZ with a few prominent people from the Game of Thrones cast. “Everyone around was making a big deal out of it like ‘Omg, it’s so-and-so from GoT’. I was feeling a bit like ‘Hi, I’m here, just nobody’. And I looked around in the restaurant and there's one guy in the corner and he’s got an N7 shirt on and he’s just looking at me like [knowing look, does a peace sign]. And I’m like ‘I got one! I love you guys!’”

PW: “I have a question for the cast members, because I don’t know if JHale has done this to all of you or if she just does it to the devs. Show of hands if Jen has ever made you do push-ups.” JHale: “It’s just you guys”

Karin: “One of my favorite editing files that I ever had was a ME file. It was before Seth was coming in for a session. I opened it up and it was just 20, 25 lines with the word ‘Shit’, over and over again, and I was like, ‘This file is perfect, I don’t need to do anything to it, have fun!’”

Seth: “Didn’t we do a track that’s like 60 seconds of laughing? Escalating laughing? I don’t know about other actors but for me getting into a laughing fit is kind of like trying to get into a crying fit, it takes the same level of commitment, you start to follow a path until like you’re hysterically uncontrollably laughing. I remember looking through the glass, and I’m deep in it at this point, and I make eye contact, and I can see from the other side of the booth and they’re like [making ‘okay you can stop’ now gestures] - ‘Like that’s plenty, we got it’ and I was like ‘okay, okay [dying]’”

JHale: “The craziest thing Mark and I had to deal with was how many times we had to say ‘I should go’”. Mark: “We also, Caroline and I tended to use that as short hand when I needed to go to the bathroom”

The panel host: “The first time I interviewed Ali was a decade ago. She did the ‘I’ll flay you alive with my mind’ line halfway through, it was my first interview and I literally fell out of my seat [from being star-struck]”

Ash line-read Tali’s drunk omni-tattoo scene and in response DC said “I totally get why people wanna romanticize all these characters :D”. Karin: “We’ve had more than one person come up to us and show us actual tattoos that looked like that”

[source]

I was wondering if you could do an analysis on Sansas and Daenerys interactions in 8x02?

Totes, because I think it’s an extremely interesting character interplay that needed more development and that was either actually rife with subtext and just written really poorly or it was just dumb. But while I wish there had been more development for literally everything in season 8, I think that the dynamic between Dany and Sansa needed far more room to breathe and grow given that their incredibly brief relationship is one of the main catalysts for the climax of the story. 

Jaime’s whole “trial” scene is one that I really wish we had been able to see the lead up to, because while the drama of starting off the episode with it is certainly compelling, I’d honestly really like to know how everyone even got to that point in the first place. Like, Dany is furious that Cersei has betrayed her and lied to her about her intentions... except how exactly does that square up to someone who came to a truce with their enemy and then immediately arrests them and puts them on trial when they actually follow through on their end of the bargain?

However, looking beyond that there is not just Dany vs. Sansa, it’s kind of Dany vs. Team Stark. Dany lays out all of the reasons why Jaime deserves to be punished and Sansa actually completely agrees with her and says she completely understands how she feels, but then Brienne speaks in Jaime’s defense and Sansa immediately agrees that Jaime should stay. Now as viewers we understand what Sansa is doing here, but I think that Dany does not. I think that this may be a sort of crucial moment for what happens later, because someone who is unfamiliar with Sansa but sees that she is popular among the Northerners might come to the easiest conclusion, which is that Sansa is easily manipulated, weak willed, or likes to agree with people and thus everyone kind of likes her even though she’s the type of person who shouldn’t really be seen as important or authoritative. 

But when Dany kind of ropes Jon into it I think it’s even more interesting, and once again could be an implication that she doesn’t understand people who put the interests of others before themselves. Because way back when Melisandre told Dany to invite Jon to Dragonstone, Tyrion tries to sell her on it by explaining that the Lannisters have treated the Starks even worse than they theoretically treated her, so they have even more reason to want to see their downfall. So I think she inquires about Jon’s thoughts expecting her to agree with him, because quite frankly it’s just not in her wheel house to put the needs of others before her own. But he winds up agreeing to let him stay, and she feels peer pressured into acquiescing when she really doesn’t want to. That really puts her on the back foot and makes her extremely uncomfortable because it’s something she never does, and it’s basically taking her whole fantasy of conquering Westeros and destroying her enemies and basically forces her to give it up for the sake of maintaining her own mystique. 

So she’s super pissed and Jorah talks her down, and while once again the show cuts away from shit that we actually need to see, it’s fair to assume that he said something along the lines of Sansa is Regina George and you’re currently Janis Ian, so you need to go talk to her and charm her into liking you and the rest of the Northerners will fall in line. So, Dany follows his advice and tries to actually talk to Sansa and to get her to see her as the Enlightened Despot she imagines herself to be. 

Frankly, the conversation between Sansa and Dany is extremely weird and vapid on the surface, but I think it makes sense within a certain context. Namely, that Sansa and Dany both have very clear preconceived notions about each other, however Sansa’s assumptions are generally correct while Dany’s assumptions are completely incorrect. 

Obviously at this point, Sansa isn’t being fooled by charm, and Dany unfortunately reveals herself to Sansa in completely unintentional ways that she doesn’t realize are actually really hurting Sansa’s perception of her. Dany is here to conquer Westeros and force the North into submission, and maybe I’m overestimating Sansa’s political genius here, but what I find extremely interesting is that Dany asks Sansa why they’re at odds with each other but she doesn’t answer. She waits for Dany to answer, and Dany’s answer frankly gives Sansa an enormous political and manipulative advantage by letting her know that she assumes Sansa would not like an invader with dragons and an army the size of a city because she’s jealous that Dany has her brother’s attention. 

And yes, of course, Sansa loves Jon and is likely extremely concerned, but I just cannot believe that Sansa is being genuine in this conversation. This is the woman who had to convince Jon to accept the inevitability of their baby brother dying because focusing on saving him was an existential threat to their family and the North. I cannot believe that she would have more issues with the potential safety and manipulation of her brother who was a king, Lord Commander, and survived with wildlings beyond the wall than she would over Rickon. Not to mention, the notion that at this very moment when the North is on the brink of destruction and everyone is facing down the apocalypse, but somehow Sansa is concerned about the person that Jon may or may not be smashing, is an incredibly condescending and childish assumption to make about her. 

However, Dany does seem to make that assumption. Dany’s whole impression of Sansa seems to initially be that she’s just a catty and frivolous girl, and she seems to think that assuring Sansa that her super cute new crush is the one who really has her wrapped around his finger is enough to reassure her that everything’s fine and that that’s enough for Sansa to accept Dany as queen. 

But then Sansa quickly flips the script and asks about Northern independence, which I honestly think was a mistake on her part. Dany initially saw Sansa just like Cersei and Joffrey and Tyrion and the Tyrells and every other person saw her, as just a superficial idiot who can be easily managed and bent to someone else’s will. I understand why Sansa would never want to play that game again, but it also left her in an enormously advantageous position, and letting Dany know that she was actually very politically minded was not the right move at that moment. But of course, because this is the season of constantly interrupted interesting conversations, as soon as the discussion turns political it’s interrupted. 

Now, what I think is very interesting about Dany is her desire to essentially acquire special people. She wants Tyrion, the “most brilliant man in the kingdoms”, to be her hand. She knows he’s exceptional, and she wants to basically own him. And she goes through the same thing with Jon. She perceives her feelings towards him as love, but I think she really knows nothing about him and just thinks that he’s extraordinary enough to be worthy of her and therefore they must be in love with each other. Dany sees herself as a person unlike any other, with no equal in existence or history, so when people fawn all over her or give her unquestioned loyalty it’s nothing more than what she expects, but when literally anyone seems to care about or respect someone more than they do her, she doesn’t understand it and often sees it as some kind of a betrayal. 

So when Theon shows up to fight for the Starks, she doesn’t necessarily seem mad, but she is clearly baffled, especially because she has already categorized Sansa as someone not special. If she thought Sansa were special or important enough to warrant her attention, Jorah wouldn’t have had to tell her to go try to be friends. But when Theon arrives and asks Sansa to fight for her, she doesn’t get it because in her mind Sansa is not worthy of that kind of devotion because she’s too ordinary, and the fact that someone is prioritizing Sansa over her right in front of her face really puts her off. And what seemingly makes this interchange dangerous is that Dany’s reaction to seeing this doesn’t seem to be a desire to actually understand where it stems from, but seems to result in the immediate conclusion that Sansa herself must be stopped (which is an idea that Dany toyed with in the season premiere as well, but I think it only solidified that idea for her further).

But I think that Sansa and Theon’s interaction here is obviously fascinating as well, both in relation to Dany and in general. Honestly, that kind of raw emotion and vulnerability is something that people in GoT rarely display around one another, and I can’t even think of another instance of Dany actually witnessing two people who genuinely love each other emotionally connect in that way. That’s not generally a way that she feels about a lot of people, and in her world, she is always the center of attention. So even if there are people in her orbit who love each other, she never really sees that. I actually think Emilia’s expression captures that perfectly as well, she both seems put off but unsure of how to react and borderline unsure of WTF it is that she’s actually seeing, because again, it’s pretty abnormal to see people be that emotionally open in public anyway and because it’s something that Dany is completely unaccustomed to seeing when it’s not directed towards her. 

And of course, for Sansa and Theon as a pair, it’s extremely heartwarming and emotional to see how deeply they care for one another, and it’s even more touching to realize how powerfully they have had to repress their own emotions for so long and that they have now gotten to the point where they’re so completely unashamed and completely lacking in self consciousness that they’re willing to be that raw no matter who’s looking. 

Overall, despite the massive flaws of season 8, I do have to say that the scenes between Dany and Sansa are some of my favorite and I wish we had gotten so much more out of them. I actually think the performance chemistry between Emilia and Sophie is better than nearly every other character that Dany was introduced to late in the game, and I think it was a huge mistake to not explore that more and to not fully clarify that these two literal queens are not bickering over a boy’s attention. 

[ ARON PIPER, CIS GENDERED MAN, HE/HIM ] shh ! LEOCADIO SYNDER, the TWENTY-TWO year old SECOND year ECONOMICS major from MADRID, SPAIN, is known as a DIAMOND around here. HE was invited to join because OF HIS PERSISTENCE AND HIS FATHER WAS IN THE SOCIETY, and now, they’re here to stay. HE reminds me of A LEGION OF STAFF CONSTANTLY AT YOUR SERVICE, A WARDROBE FILLED WITH THE FINEST MATERIAL, + EXPENSIVE RINGS ON EACH OF HIS FINGERS.

helloooo!!  it’s been a long time coming but i’m finally excited to be here and join in on this super cool story the admins and all of you have created! i’m lia, i’m 23 and i go by she/her and they/them pronouns, so feel free to use either of them. i was going to make a graphic and a google doc but i’ve got plans with my family to watch a movie tonight, so until i can make the time i hope his app is enough! 

a past and character reflection.

you were born into success and luxury, the only child of two glencore billionaires — a diversified natural resource company. the synders are responsible for the marketing of lead and make a little over a billion dollars each year. all they’ve ever known was their jobs and their money, leaving little room for anything more than that, especially the addition of a child. the nannies changed your diapers and the maid picked up your toys, while the butler handled the broken glass splayed across the marble flooring from one of your daily tantrums. they bit their tongues because you were raised to view yourself as extraordinary living in a world of the ordinary. despite this, these people meant more to you than the ones who brought you into the world. you had a mother that asked you how your day went and then immediately turned her attention back to her phone or laptop, checking off that mental to-do-list that made her believe the question was enough effort. you had a father that saw you as weak and continuously pushed you past your limits, focusing on every little flaw you had and giving you no choice but to be better. you became so conflicted between your drive to be the best and your need for love, that anger became your method of coping. even the lightest of offenses were met with your spite and you glorified material things as if it were the only thing that mattered in the world. even at the tender age of ten, power was the one thing that kept you driven.

growing up, you never had any real or close friendships. the people that you called your friends were just more people that you could benefit from — the children from rich and influential families that spanned the globe. regardless of your rude and cold exterior, they still found reason to look up to you like you were their leader, be it an inheritance from your father’s charisma or your mother’s sophistication — because everything you had, you had to thank them for right? you knew exactly how to draw people in and use them until you didn’t need them anymore, kicking them to the curb the second their time ran out. the kids that excelled in school got you the highest grade, the kids that excelled in sports helped you become captain of their teams, and the kids that assisted you in breaking the rules always took the fall. and yet, no matter how hard you proved yourself as this apex predator, your parents saw you as inferior. they always told you to work smarter not harder, but when you did, it still wasn’t enough. what more could you take from the world? it had nothing left to give you.

the next chapter in your life became your second chance to prove yourself, but this time with a different method to your persistence. just as your parents did, you’d build yourself from the ground up, not taking whatever you wanted but fighting to obtain it. you already had the determination to do what had to be done to reach your goals, now all you needed to do was make it yourself. you enter your first year at strathmore university and you never take what you need to succeed, you push yourself until you earn it. every time the fates fight against you and you feel hopeless in meeting these high expectations you and your parents have made for you, you grasp onto the anguish of that ten year old boy yearning for approval and press forward with your strength. you still hold onto that cunning aspect of your character but this time, it’s something you keep hidden beneath the surface — away from prying eyes. you slip up once or twice, but it’s never enough to allow others to see you for who you truly are. you join several clubs even though you barely have the time, slipping your name into the minds of those spanning the entirety of the campus. you maintain one of the highest grades in your classes through dedication and hard work, scoffing at the students that request your assistance … they don’t deserve your help. not now anyway. not while you fight to be noticed in a place filled to the brim with excellent minds. not while you await your invitation to the society, the first step at proving that you can be great just like them. just like your parents.

on the society

upon arriving at strathmore university, leo became obsessive in his studies and joined many clubs to assist in his quest of standing out amongst the other first years. unbeknownst to many though, he also did this in hopes of earning a spot in the secret society. this is because his father had been in the society when he was young and in order to prove his potential, this was an organization he knew he had to be involved in. despite not knowing what the society was like or what they were about, he knew that they existed because of his father but that’s the extent of his knowledge on it.

when he was finally given his chance thanks to the diamond opal, leo became passionate about his spot and willing to do whatever means necessary to keep his spot. he takes advice willingly ( but goes against it if he believes they’re wrong ) and pushes to lead in some situations, not letting anyone or anything stand in the way of his goals. although he mainly does everything for his parents, whether they will ever notice or not, it is also for himself and his desire to be something great ( something he outwardly believes he already is but has struggled with internally for a long time ). leo wants to be the best prodigy and opal that the society has ever seen, and visualizes himself as the diadem when he builds himself up to that point.

when it comes to poppy nighmore, leo is more intrigued than he is worried about the reason for her disappearance. if those within the society that knew poppy are upset about her disappearance, leo is willing to take initiative in trying to solve the mystery. he will take risks and push limits in order to find information, but does so for selfish gain than anything else. he believes that he may prove himself as a worthy and necessary addition to the opal society if he continues researching and physically proving he cares. it also gives him a chance to show the others that he is capable of big things.

wanted connections.

as i read about your characters i’ll be able to generate a bit more ideas when directly plotting with each of you! these are just the ideas i have coming into the group, so if you do not see your character fitting them, worry not! we can brainstorm<3

his soft spot — the person that leo can’t seem to say no to no matter how hard he tries. his entire life he has felt little to no remorse in his conquest for power, no matter who he trampled along the way but suddenly, out of nowhere, the world presented him with this person and every time they’re around, every ounce of him becomes vulnerable. when they tell him to do something or to behave a certain way, he seldom disobeys. if they happen to be in the room when he’s behaving as he normally does, he avoids their eyes in fear of backing down. in a way, this person in his anchor that protects him from himself.

his adversary  — the person that gives leo a run for his money, testing him and pushing him every step of the way. they bear too many similarities to get along and compete over even the littlest of things. when one says yes, the other says no. the steve rogers to his tony stark. the thor to his loki.

fellow rich kids — those he knew by association prior to strathmore university or the society. they all understand each other because they grew up in similar conditions, where material things were the forms of love they received as children. they understand the lifestyle and flock together, regardless of whether or not they actually like each other. they board a private jet and escape real life for a weekend, only to return like nothing had happened come monday morning.

his best friend — leo doesn’t know it yet, perhaps neither of them do, but this person is his best friend. close relationships of any kind are foreign concepts to leo because he had, in his opinion, more important things to focus on as he grew up. love doesn’t exist in his world. so by his words, he trusts this person the most and is constantly inviting them around with him. he would never call it as it is in fear of cutting them loose and never feeling an ounce of remorse, but he’s acknowledged it in his head once or twice. this person is like the sibling he’s never had.

his mistake — in leo’s first year, he befriended this person and the pair eventually started to see each other romantically. however, leo wronged them somehow and now that he’s in the society with them, he realizes how big of a mistake he made hurting them. perhaps he fell back into old habits and made their acquaintance with the intention of gaining something, maybe in a class or by their personal influence in the world / at school, and they eventually found out about it. just an angsty exes plot.

his mentor — the diamond that took him as their prodigy. leo takes the dynamic between them incredibly serious and is willing and ready to do whatever they ask of him in order to prove they made the right choice taking him under their wing. he understands that his place in the society must not be taken for granted and so he treats it as a passion, rather than just another club around campus. he rarely does something society related without first receiving the opinion of the opal, but he also would ignore their opinion if he feels they are the one that’s wrong. this is business as usual and leo is their prodigy knowing that if all goes as planned, he will have their seat in the future.

“ every family has a legacy, and this is mine. i intend to fight for always and forever, even if it destroys me. “

canon 

there is a lot that can be written here so if you’re unfamiliar with the originals/legacies you can go to hope’s wiki for a detailed version of everything, but for a quick rundown; 

     hope is a tribrid, meaning she is a witch, werewolf, and vampire. although her vampire gene hasn’t been fully activated she has some vampire abilities. she is the only one of her kind and is considered to be the most powerful being. 

     her family means the world to her. she comes from a long line of ‘villain’s’ but hope doesn’t see them that way and is bitter about the way people portray them. out of all the mikaelson’s she is compassionate and kind, she has a desire to help and heal others, but because of her family history hope does have a dark side to her, she is a mikaelson after all. therefore she is prone to out bursts and seeking vengeance ( for example in TO and the first season of legacies ) 

     she grew up with fighting, bloodshed, death and heartbreak surrounding her. 

     when she was 16 she triggered her werewolf curse when she accidentally killed a priest who was in the attic of a church when she used her magic.

     thinks of herself as this cosmic mistake bc throughout her whole life she was told she goes completely against nature and shouldn’t exist, even when she was in her mother’s womb. while her mother was pregnant and when she was a baby there were multiple times where people have tried to kill her because of what she is and who her father is.

     she struggles with getting close to people because of the death of her parents and because she feels so out of place with everyone, being the only tribrid in existence. it’s hard for her to relate to people, with having already endured a lifetime of grief, heartbreak, and losing so many people she has cared about. but once she does get close to someone she is loyal and protective of them. 

     hope carries an infinite amount of grief on her shoulders, she knows it’s her fault her mother died and even though she knows her mom found peace and told her her she forgives her for it hope can’t forgive herself.

     lowkey bitter that both her dad and uncle died together because there was no reason for both of them to die ( side eyes the writers for TO ). she’s bitter that her dad didn’t allow her uncle to take the hollow inside of him and die instead of him when her mom had already passed away.

 alucard

     hope grew up living with her grandmother, when she would ask about her parents she was never given a straight answer, her grandmother was always changing her response whenever hope asked about them. this lead her to believe she would never find the truth out about her parents, she didn’t even have any photos of them. growing up without parents made her feel alienated from her peers and made her think something was perhaps wrong with her and that’s why they didn’t want her. it was hard knowing her friends were able to go to father daughter dances and mother daughter sleepover parties with the girls in girl scouts and going to school hearing them gush all about it while she was at home eating box macaroni and cheese and watching jeopardy with her grandma. she loves her grandma a lot though and always felt loved and wanted by her, but she couldn’t help but have questions about her parents and a longing to meet them. 

     in high school hope was pretty happy for the most part, she was content and did normal teenage things; skip class, go to parties, drink alcohol, hang out with friends, she was even part of the lacrosse team. the first two years of her high school life were pretty average. it wasn’t until her junior year that her life made a turn for the worse. her grandmother fell ill and passed away, leaving hope completely alone. depression took over her life and she suddenly had no friends, she was no longer on the lacrosse team, and instead of partying she now isolated herself at home. she threw herself into her art, she was always an extraordinary artist, but always did it as a hobby. after the passing of her grandmother it became her tether to life. once she graduated high school she decided to not go to college believing it to be a waste of time and money. her grandmother’s house that she was still living in was on the verge of being taken from her so she began selling her art. surprisingly a lot of people wanted to buy it, so decided to become a self-employed artist. 

     she wanted to get her life together, to get out this hole she had dug herself into and was determined to do so.she went to therapy for her depression and turned her grandmother’s small house into a cozy home of her own, complete with a garden in the backyard. hopefully she’s on the right path for bettering her life.

possible connections: 

- a caregiver of some kind: someone who had come into the house to take of her grandmother when she had fallen ill and also ended up becoming a comfort to hope during this time. 

- old friends: friends she had back in high school, but had pushed away when fell into her depression and hasn’t spoken to them since. 

- rekindled friendship: this person was her best friend in high school and had even stopped talking to them for two years and would ignore their texts and calls. when they would come knocking on the door hope would hide and pretend she wasn’t home. she kept telling herself she would eventually get back to them, she just wasn’t ready. as more time went by she was more ignoring them out of guilt, she felt bad for pushing them away and decided they deserved a better friend than her. then one day after a therapy session it was suggested to her to reach out to see what happens. she did and apologized and the two were able to start where they left off. 

- ex boy/girlfriend: high school sweethearts, they were together all of high school and people thought they would eventually get married. hope broke things off with them, not wanting the other person to see the state she was in. 

- former fuckbuddy: seeking comfort after her grandma’s passing and after her break up hope was constantly sleeping with this person to try to feel something and to feel like she had someone in her life. she stopped though once she started to catch feelings for this person. 

- and of course if anyone has any ideas feel free to throw them my way !! 

So… 

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, you guys.  

Let me explain something first: the Broadway musical First Date is my SHOW.  I mean, it’s NOT-- I had no part in the creation or performance of it, obviously.  But it’s “mine” in the way that people tend to take possession of things they like, you know? 

“That’s my song!” 

“That’s my precious fictional baby!”

Or, I guess, like that weird thing sports fans do when they insert themselves into their favorite team, like, “we need to box out the endzone and get some points on the board” or whatever.

First Date is mine not only because I loved it, but because it felt like the creators reached into my heart, plucked out all my experiences and emotions, and put them up on stage.  I mean, it went to TATTOO LEVELS, so you know it’s both serious and a little ridiculous. 

 Six years later, I still fucking love that show. 

(The intensity has gone down a bit, but that’s probably the best for everyone.)

So when I happened to find out that the book writer of First Date was the creator/writer of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist AND it was a musical, I obviously wanted to check it out.  It was delayed slightly by a deep-dive into a Schitt’s Creek hyper-fixation (David and Patrick can have my entire heart and, like, overall existence), but I finally started watching a few days ago.

And it is delightfully First-Date-y.

It’s also a really good “I can’t handle anything too sad or heavy right now due to reality” option.  There’s some romantic angst and family tragedy thrown in, but it’s not like This Is Us: The Musical or anything (thank christ-- seriously, how does anyone watch that show? It’s Ugly Cry Central over there).

I’m not going to do the plot summary thing because Google exists.  But here’s the thing: yes, there are multiple tropes here that have been done to death (*cough*lovetriangle*cough*), but you know what? The show is cute, the cast is really talented, and the writing’s pretty effing funny. I don’t need groundbreaking television to be entertained. And I’m a sucker for “nice comedy” nowadays, you know? Like, I could never get into Glee because the characters were HORRIBLE to each other. I can’t do a show full of selfish, mean people, it just doesn’t work for me.  Give me a well-written ensemble comedy where everyone messes up but they’re ultimately trying their best and growing, and I’m pretty much in.

That all being said, here’s what I need to discuss (spoilers ahead, obviously):

1) Zoey’s definitely got that whole Zooey-Deschanel-adorkable thing going on, but you have to appreciate a show that is like, “STEM Women FTW!” because we need that.  Also, maybe it’s Fellow Millennial Empathy, but I appreciate that she has no idea what she’s doing and is still trying so hard to be a functioning and successful adult, WHILE dealing with family tragedy, AND sudden musical powers, AND being a woman in charge of a department full of men (girl, been there done that), AND confusing mushy feelings. It helps that Jane Levy is so talented that I was convinced she was British (she is not).

2) Mo. Is. Everything.  More representation of gender-fluidity is wonderful to see, for one thing. But he’s also the smartest character on the show, as well as the most well-balanced and emotionally mature.  And his VOICE, okay? I love that it seems like Mo is going to sort of be Zoey’s guide through all of this, and I’m looking forward to seeing their friendship grow.

3) Simon is a gorgeous, gorgeous man.  If he was at ALL single, I’d be like, “Zoey, hit that IMMEDIATELY”. But I don’t love the direction that their relationship is going (HE IS ENGAGED, FFS) OR the whole Jessica vs. Zoey thing they’re pulling.  I’m willing to give the first part a pass because both of them are grieving and emotional instability can definitely equal bad decisions (we may not like it, but you can’t say it’s unrealistic). But that second part? Simon is way more to blame than Zoey. No more girls hating on girls, okay? Like, I don’t want Jessica and Zoey to necessarily become besties (that whole “it’s always about your dad” comment was way too awful for me to like her THAT much), but you know what I mean. The longer this goes on, the less I like Simon.  And it’s such a BUMMER, because I feel like Zoey and Simon could really use each other, platonically. 

4) Speaking of not liking people, Zoey’s brother is a dick. Not ONLY because of the shit he pulled with going out to bars instead of being with his PREGNANT WIFE/STRUGGLING MOTHER, but that whole thing about him having to “convince” his wife to have kids when she didn’t want them? YUCK. He’s the one character I do not like at ALL and I hope that Emily leaves him and ends up an awesome single mom with a hot boyfriend. I’m glad Zoey told her what was up. GOOD. WHAT A JERK.

5) Zoey’s mom is amazing and deserves the world. That is all.

6) Full disclosure: I am 100% Team Max. But within that 100%, I’m 50% Zoey Is Clearly Not Ready To Date Him Or Even Process Her Feelings About Him Right Now So He Needs To Just Be Her Friend and 50% Zoey Is Clearly Terrified Of Feelings And Max Might Need To Push Her a Little To Get Her To Get Past That.  This is coming from a place of experience, because I was once terrified of feelings and commitment and basically my husband is only my husband because he chose to ignore the many, many times I tried to break up with him and was very persistent with me. Please note that this DOES NOT MEAN that Max needs to be all pissy about “friendzoning” and/or pushing TOO hard, TOO quickly. Which he’s sort of toe-ing the line with, at the moment.  I don’t think that Zoey ever really gave him the impression that she was interested in him romantically before the whole “flash mob” debacle (I cringed when Mo said that touching his shoulder and having him come over to watch a movie was leading him on, because please don’t do that, writers, Mo is too smart and progressive for that BS), and the flash mob itself was a really weird, out-of-character move (at least thus far) for him.  Look, I get the whole “omg, Max can hear her/no wait, there’s real singing” thing was an unexpected twist, but I’m not a fan of twists over characterization. Max knows Zoey, and I think he’d know that declaring feelings in public while making her the center of attention would not be her thing (but I find public proposals super cringe-y, so maybe that’s just me).  I’m sort of not happy with that. What I DO think is appropriate is him asking for some time/space after she asks to just be his friend-- I count that as being respectful of her decision and needing some breathing room to disconnect his romantic feelings towards her. I also don’t blame him for being upset that she knew his feelings way beforehand and didn’t say anything, or for being upset after seeing her sing to Simon. The singing thing is not Zoey’s fault at ALL, but that is some serious emotional whiplash! Nevertheless, I hope these two are endgame and don’t hurt each other too much in the process. That boy will do ANYTHING for her, and I kind of love him for it. Please don’t turn him into a “Nice Guy”! Also, can we all agree that he outsang EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Jonas Brothers with “Sucker”? Goddamn!

7) Tobin is so stupid, but WOW is that character a brilliant representation of every single, straight, young, insecure, emotion-denying, Reddit-using, product of toxic masculinity gamer boy that you’ve ever met in your life. Holy SHIT. They’re nailing it with him. He is 100% the guy that yells a “make me a sandwich” joke in front of his friends and then goes home and cries about not having a girlfriend. I have met 10,000 versions of Tobin in my life and he CRACKS ME UP. Bless him.

8) Leif is Draco Malfoy and I hope that Joan is using him for sex and then ditches him in a humiliating fashion. IF THEY MAKE HER FALL FOR HIM I SWEAR TO GOD. She’s too smart for that. I want Joan and Mo to take over the world together.

9) I don’t want to talk about Zoey’s dad. HE’S FINE. EVERYTHING’S FINE. HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO GET BETTER. THIS IS A HAPPY SHOW. 

Okay, I think I got all of my thoughts and feelings out. Until next week, at least.

hello! so 2O19 is going to be over and as we know, we’re blessed with quite a number of dramas! the most gifs i’m using belongs to @kdramanewbie​ but expect that i have cropped some out! so today, i’m going to write some of my favorite dramas in 2O19. personally, i don’t think it’s going to be a lot but we will see! oh yeah, it doesn’t go by list! fyi, i’m really bad at writing down my opinions so i’m really sorry if you don’t get it what i mean haha. also continue to read till the really end of ‘not my favorites but i still enjoy watching’ list of dramas!

FAVORITE DRAMA IN 2O19 !

one, ‘he is psychometric’ (completed.)

i found out this drama all because of got7′s jinyoung and shin yeeun who was doha in ateen. i love ateen and jinyoung so i decided to watch the drama and oh man, i was hooked to it. the plot was really really interesting to be honest and i would love to have those type of powers. i wasn’t too happy to the ending but it was a great drama anyways, this was the first drama that i couldn’t wait it till subbed that i watch it on instagram of the un-subbed short clips. for the whole entire time, i was rooting for seungmo x jisoo but we didn’t get our endgame which is sad and turn out it was seungmo who was the killer.

overall, the drama throws out most of the drama cliche and you thought that you know what is going to happen but it turned the other side as well. once again, if you’re looking for a slight fantasy and romance drama, i believe that it’s for you.

two, ‘the secret life of my secretary’ (completed.)

i find this drama really cute and the plot was interesting to be honest. but it was a little draggy for me because i kinda wanted do minik to know that fake veronica park is jung galhee. i have to say that veronica park is the mvp of the drama because whenever she is on screen, she makes me funny so much. and there was a clip of do minik imitating veronica park’s introduction? man, that was so funny.  at the later episodes are all softness, like really really soft. for example, the dates? omg they’re are so cute and i ship it lol.

overall, it’s a really nice drama and it deserves to be one of my favorites in 2O19!  

three, ‘doctor john’ (completed.)

i didn’t knew i was a sucker of medical drama until this year lmao. i watched code blue (which was a japanese medical drama) this year as well. so doctor john was really interesting to me and how the male lead doesn’t feel any pain and what are the pros that comes along with the cons. personally, i didn’t knew that i might like it because i watched it thanks to seyoung as i was a fan of her and this drama ended up to one of my favorites HAHA.

overall, it kind of teaches you some medical condition that you might not heard before. if you love watching both korean and japanese dramas, you can watch doctor john and code blue to learn more of conditions that never knew existed.

four, ‘the tale of nokdu’ (completed.)

the plot was really interesting because we usually sees girls being boys but not really boys being girls but this is it. i was really happy that this drama actually came out! the whole drama was aesthetically pleasing and also it takes place back in the day with the details and all mixed into it. it actually has everything in a drama, fighting, romance, gender-bending and every historial drama loves, the children having a secret which is the next king. 

omg, my writing sucks so yeah, overall, it was a pretty nice drama with almost everything inside. if you prefer something special, this shall be for you!

five, ‘extraordinary you’ (completed.)

i have to say that my top favorite drama of the year is extraordinary you. i found out the drama because of jiin, naeun, guojoo who were acted with playlist global before and rowoo (i was a stan of sf9), hyeyoon (saw her acting with donghee in sky castle),  jaewook (from search www) and taeri (i saw some of his work before). then i got really excited for it, i watch the first two episode during my exam of the year lmao. i like how it is, visually pleasing and the plot was awesome. i read that a lot of people didn’t expect extraordinary you to be this great but i knew it was that great because of the cast LOL. furthermore, it was because of the plot being really interesting and how they break the romance clique. but towards the second part, it was slightly not as great but all in all, i still really love this drama. the height was another cute one, i mean just take a look LOL.

searching for a drama that with an unique plot, extraordinary aesthetic? tall boys? your own F4? then extraordinary you is the one to go!

six,  ‘leverage’ (completed.)

generally, i really like secret teams or teams that goes undercover, has a hacker, a fighter and a boss. that’s the drama i really like. i really love the drama because they’re doing something right by forming the team! i really like how the team work together and how each other helps each other, the cute moments when the team can’t go out, but the two kids wanted to go out so roy brought them out and they thought they wasn’t caught but taejoon and sookyung knew it yet didn’t scold them?

i did a really bad job on writing it but if you have the time and you want to watch something undercover then this is the one hopefully you would go for, i’m still watching for season two tbh.

seven, ‘crash landing on you’ (on-going.)

even tho the drama is on airing half way, but i’m in love with the drama already and i do think it’s going to be one of my favourite drama in 2O2O. i love the leads, hyunbin and son yeji and their previous work in ‘the negotiation.’ i was so happy that they can work together once again and i don’t really mind them dating because they’re just so cute AHHH. 

i couldn’t write a lot of the drama because a lot haven’t been aired yet so there isn’t a lot of details!

DRAMAS THAT I ENJOYED A LOT IN 2O19 !

(please note that if the drama isn’t on any of the list, it doesn’t mean i hate it but i just didn’t watch it!)

one, touch your heart. (completed.)

two, my strange hero. (completed.)

three, search www. (completed.)

four, hotel del luna (completed.)

five, catch the ghost. (completed.)

six, no second chance. (completed.)

seven, angel last mission : love. (completed.)

eight, my first first love. (completed.)

nine, beautiful love, wonderful life. (completed.)

ten, when the camellia blooms. (completed.)

Good Stuff's Best of 2019

WARNING: Just wanted to say cheers to you for making it through another year. I send you best wishes for next year to be fruitful. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy. (Best of 2017) (Best of 2018)

Dedicated to Russi Taylor, John Witherspoon, Rip Torn, Tartar Sauce, Caroll Spinney, Peter Matthews, and the many of KyoAni lost in the arson incident. You all did wonderful; rest in peace.

Welp, I figured the last year of this decade would be the most chaotic one by far, then again everything peak after 2012. As for now, I am counting down the best cartoons/animations/comics I’ve seen and loved this year in no particular order other than #1. Same rules apply: No sneak previews of future projects, no repeats, and this time anything goes.

Runner Ups: Superman Smashes the Klan, Marvel’s Aero, Infinity Train, Enter the Florpus, Amphibia, Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart, Helluva Boss, Meta Runner, Lego Movie 2, Forky Asks a Question

Anyways, Badda boom bang whiz, let’s do this shizz...

10. Super Mario Bros GT

Nostalgia can be quite a mystery, especially one that can come out of nowhere. Super Mario Bros Z kicked so much ass as a kid that now, it still frustrates me to this that it got a cease & desist from Nintendo, even the reboot from the same person couldn’t last long. But the gods have offered a slight miracle in the form of this new spiritual successor that has heart and soul put into every pixelated frame. There is much to celebrate with Youtube animation, where many say it’s dying due to the algorithm and all of the site’s corporate bullshit, but it’s stuff like this which helps me understand why we should celebrate. Against all odds, channels like Smasher Block willfully put their works out their for the people and continues to because on top of getting a little dough, it’s what they want to do.

9. DC SUPER HERO GIRLS (2019)

Awwwwww yeah, this is She-Ra and the Princesses of Power done right. Diverse female squad, each given a quality screen time to truly shine (Beecher especially) on their which makes the episodes where they’re all together feel earned and joyous to watch. Certainly reminds me of Friendship is Magic, which is coincidental since they were created by the same woman. I’d like to think this and MLP G4 were the answers to Faust’s cancelled project Milky Way and the Galaxy Girls where multiple personalities collide to one extraordinary superhero team of girls capable great feats that are lifted from their insecurities or drawbacks. And on top of this being a fun series to kick back to all around, it’s a comforting, somewhat aspiring thought to consider.

8. JOKER

I am somebody that rarely goes to the theaters to watch a film; you have to hook my tight just for me to even think of buying a ticket, no less plan to. But honestly, Joker was worth the hype, the ticket, and the fact that it wasn’t the incel uprising that buttfuck normies tried to make it out as. It’s lower on the list because in thought, there definitely could’ve been some tweaks to the dialogue and a couple scenes that I felt didn’t work in the long run. But really, this movie to me worked because of the escalation that leads to a cathartic climax and ending that left me in actual tears. I don’t give a shit if it “doesn’t fit”, having Frank Sinatra sing the film's credits put me in shambles. Joaquin Phoenix was phenomenal as Arthur, and this movie felt authentic in its many details. This is definitely up there with my favorite comic book films of all time. Good thing, too, Spider-Man was taking up most of that shelf.

7. TUCA & BERTIE

This series being what I can’t help but say is a spin-off to Bojack Horseman, a show I respect, was enough to pull me into watching it. But it being like Bojack where it’s tight-roping between a bouncy comedy and a grounded drama was what kept me around for more. It is a damn shame this was cancelled after one season (while 13 Reasons Why gets FOUR seasons like what the fuck), because while this did feel enough like a complete series, I was certainly interested for more because I really enjoyed it all. I have my issue with a couple choices in the show, but I am sure this series would’ve addressed them later down the line. I can see why some women would find this personally endearing, it felt like the personal stories of actual people, and it deserved better. Either way, I enjoyed this series and I recommend it just as much as Bojack.

6. PRIMAL

Genndy Tartakovsky is that kind of cartoon creator where you feel he’ll go beyond if you give him the right amount of space. He’s not a perfectionist like John “Dirty Diddler” Kricfalusi, but with things like Hotel Transylvania and Samurai Jack, he certainly has proven to have the range in animation where you know how he plays. Primal showcasing his noted skill in dialogue-less storytelling and dynamic action scenes, able to convey everything clear with its ruthless yet careful protagonist and his dinosaur friend, all on top of the most luscious backgrounds. This is a series that definitely feels like Genndy’s taken what he’s used from his previous works and putting it together for a brutal yet passionate look at the prehistoric life. He truly brought us an adult series to enjoy and to look forward to more in the coming year.

5. SPINEL

Bet you didn’t expect a character to be on this list, eh? Spinel is the best thing to come out of Steven Universe in general; makes me wish she was in a better movie. The crew certainly did their darndest to make her not only an enjoyable and connectable character through and through, but a very versatile character that the fandom could take in any which way. Call it corny, but Spinel perfectly represents SU as a whole: a lovable goof that can certainly mean business but deep down is deserved of a hug because of what she’s gone through. Wish she had a more satisfying resolution in her respective debut, but really it’s the balance between those three elements mentioned that makes Spinel almost eternally wonderful.

4. MOB PSYCHO 100 II

As someone that doesn’t like reading, I’m a firm believer that the best animations or visual medias elevate the writing to a memorable degree; the visuals hook to the point where you want to think about what you saw and how it was conveyed. Mob Psycho 100, for two seasons now, does this in spades where Studio Bones throw them bones in animating one of the most dynamic animes of the modern era, providing the writing and characters a proper chance to flex its muscles. The characters are especially what makes this and MP100 as a whole work so well, the story being about a boy learning to be more sociable as well as emotionally stronger all while helping others understand maturity and empathy. For more on this, I recommend Hiding in Public’s video(s) on Mob. But with the animation, Bones was able to provide a sense of impact and immersion to the moments that matter, not making it an overstimulating mess, and putting some respect on ONE’s webcomic art style. 

3. KLAUS

Hands down, this is a great Christmas movie. Take away the animation and you have a charming, wanna say ground and authentic, story about the makings of Santa Claus. With memorable and likable characters, a nice escalation in terms of the plot, and moments that are/can be so satisfying, they can bring you to tears. A couple overdone tropes in the road that doesn’t make this the most perfected story, but those sincerely minor compared to everything else that makes this story the best. Now. Add in the animation, and you have a gold, nay a platinum animated story of the year where the visuals definitely enhance the story to a degree where they’re undoubtedly inseparable. The visuals alone is enough to check this movie out and it’s eye-opening when you learn of how it’s all done. Klaus is a film that did it’s job and then some, and I hope this will be well remembered as a classic holiday film for it deserves that status.

2. BEASTARS

I’ll be fair, I’m mostly referring to the manga and not the anime but since the anime premiered this fall, it counts. Because be it the anime or the series overall, Beastars has such well intricate world building all while offering a little something for everyone (violence, romance, slice of life). The story is well paced and even when we aren’t focusing on the main characters momentarily, Itagaki is surprisingly able to make every supporting/side character we come across memorable in their own way; like I said before, the city is much a character in this story. Oh yeah, and the mangaka is the daughter of Keisuke “Grappler Baki” Itagaki, that in itself is a treasuring bit of trivia for this. Everything about Beastars is enticing and Studio Orange certainly helped in giving this series more of a following.

1. GREEN EGGS & HAM

Well, well, well. Guess Netflix is three for three in terms of bringing its best foot forward among its few steps back each year. The best term to describe this series is surprising. Surprising that this is a Dr. Seuss story that got expanded a 13 episode series, that has fleshed out characters, fun hijinks, an easy story, lovely emotional, more quieter moments... on top of being 2D hand drawn animated. I mean, what else is there to say? Green Eggs and Ham is to Dr. Seuss what Seven was for Final Fantasy, what Friendship is Magic was for MLP, what watermelon was before a nice menthol cigarette. This definitely took the top spot because to me, it was able to bring many good elements from the previous entries and knot it all together into a well kept bow that I never knew I wanted until now. I’m genuinely glad this show got to exist the way it is and I am hoping, praying, that the second season keeps that momentum up.

That leads us to the actual number one which is

1. STEVEN UNIVERSE FUT-

Total Dramarama is now the two time World Heavyweight Champion, babey. Will 2020 give us a quality contender? Will the streak last another year?

Stay tuned, and always seek out the Good Stuff.

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5. Necessary Sacrifice

This is a re-posting from Nov. 11th, 2017 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

This week’s lunch special is pure angst with a side of bittersweet hope. Though “Unforeseen Consequences” might have been an unexpectedly funny episode, things are really heading south when you’ve got a title like “Necessary Sacrifice.”

The fandom said that things would start getting darker by Episode 5 and here we are.

We begin with Blake, continuing the strategy of cycling through a main character each week while still leaving time for Ruby. She and Sun are attempting to recruit people to help defend Haven and it’s going about as well as you’d expect. From mothers pulling their sons back indoors to faunus straight up telling them to get lost, by the end of a long afternoon neither of them have anything to show for their efforts. Despite the faunus-specific situation here, I wonder if Qrow will encounter similar problems as he tries to recruit other huntsmen and huntresses. The residents of Menagerie can’t be the only ones who want to ignore this war (or straight up believe it doesn't exist) and it would be a convenient way of ensuring that the battles continue to rest on the shoulders of the kids. Similar to The Legend of Korra, RWBY raises questions as to why children continue to do the work of adults. Like Harry Potter, the show will need to keep coming up with decent excuses.

Blake raises an important consideration though: “Not everyone is like you and me.” We’ve been given a series focused on the soldiers of this world and thus it’s easy to forget that everyone else surrounding them isn’t going to happily charge into a fight like Team RWBY is. Most people—the faunus in particular—will do everything they can do avoid getting involved. The fact that it's Blake leading this charge, "cowardly" Blake with a semblance that literally lets her run away, does a lot to show her own character growth. More than that though, we’re reminded that RWBY/RNJR aren’t even like other huntsmen and huntresses. The Fall of Beacon changed them and taught an incredibly difficult lesson: that Salem doesn’t care if you think you’re a part of this war or not. Blake says that the people of Menagerie will be affected no matter what their decision is. Later Ruby reiterates that even innocents like Penny will be killed in this battle. You’re in danger whether you fight or whether you stay on the sidelines… so you might as well take up arms and do what you can.

Sun and Blake’s conversation was, at its core, another callback to the early volumes, notably their first café conversation. It’s a mellow scene with the talk broken up with slice-of-life looks around Menagerie, highlighting the diversity among the faunus race. I would have appreciated the aesthetics and mood of this scene a whole lot more if Sun hadn’t devolved into someone I’ve come to actively dislike. Blake expresses how appreciative she is that Sun was there for her even when she didn’t want him to be and says that she wants to help her friends, “The way you helped me.”

God no. I ranted about this briefly in my last recap, but Sun’s actions should not be romanticized like this. Being there for someone means remaining open and supportive, available (to the best of your ability) for when they decide they want your help. Granted, the exception to this is situations wherein someone needs intervention for their own or another's safety, but Blake is absolutely not in that position. Part of being supportive is providing someone with the space they ask for and Sun 100% did not do this. He stalked Blake without her permission. Did not leave when she told him to. Horned in on her private family life despite numerous signs—both overt and subtle—that he was not welcome there. The fact that Blake now does want him around doesn’t excuse his earlier, pushy arrogance. And the fact that she’s thanking him for it puts a real sour taste in my mouth. It’s far too reminiscent of all the men who continually demand a woman’s attention because they know “what’s best” for her, or they’re convinced she “secretly wants it.” Sun has had no respect for Blake’s boundaries these past few months and he does not deserve to be rewarded for that egotism now.

Regardless, that’s just one uncomfortable moment in an otherwise nice scene. I laughed at Blake's speech about personification, given that I’d just taught Citizen Kane to a bunch of intro film students. Can you sum up a person’s life and personality with just one word? Blake thinks you can. Ruby is purity, Weiss is defiance, Yang is strength…and Adam, after long consideration, is spite. It’s an assessment I think most can agree with. As Blake lays out, Adam has no desire for equality or justice. He’s out to hurt humanity as much as possible, regardless of how much of that vengeance they actually deserve.

Continuing Blake and Ruby’s parallels this episode, Ruby showcases her purity by having a candid (and long overdue) conversation with Oscar. Like Jaune, Oscar seems to be doing a lot of training on his own (numerous parallels between them too—I hope they interact more) and he admits that even though it’s only been a few weeks, he feels as if he’s been working with Ozpin's cane for a lifetime, maybe more. Beyond reminding us that Oscar and Ozpin are continuing to merge, this helps situate the viewer in Volume 5’s stupidly complex timeline. In all honesty I could continue to do without this non-linearity. It’s jarring to start an episode as if only a day or two has passed (first training last episode), only to learn through offhand comments that it’s been weeks instead. RWBY isn’t the sort of show that benefits from feelings of displacement and it would be better served using something like a more traditional training montage.

Then things get heavy. The conversation is mostly small talk until Ruby exclaims that Oscar will be combat ready soon. I’m so glad people have already GIFed this moment because Ruby’s expressions here are heart-wrenching.

Ruby: “Penny...” 

No one—viewers and characters alike—were expecting that punch to the gut. To say nothing of the fact that Ruby loved and listened to Penny enough to pick up on her favorite catchphrase. This moment starts a much more intimate conversation wherein Oscar expresses, through anger and fear, what most people have been thinking for four volumes now: how the hell can Ruby be so optimistic? People have tried to kill this girl, succeeded in murdering her friends, forced her out of her home, separated her from family, and dumped her in the middle of a war. Isn’t she scared?

Well of course she is. I’ve argued from the start the Ruby is wiser than most give her credit for and we get an excellent demonstration of this here. Beyond reiterating Blake’s views from earlier—that they’re in danger whether they keep moving forward or crawl into a panicky ball—she drops the bombshell that being recklessly brave isn’t going to save anyone. In fact, it actively got Pyrrha killed. I love that the show finally acknowledged this because as brave as Pyrrha was for standing up to Cinder, that bravery was stupid. She knew she couldn’t defeat a Maiden and fighting her achieved nothing overall. The only reason Pyrrha went up to that tower was because it was the “right” thing to do… but in fact, the better thing to do would have been to hold back, to survive and live to fight another day. 

Ruby gets that. For all her niceties and optimism, she understands Pyrrha’s fatal flaw: there’s a difference between playing the hero and being a strategic member of a team. It flies in the face of everyone who claims she hasn’t grown (remember the girl who tried to take on the deathstalker alone during initiation?) and it just solidifies my feelings regarding her decision to enter Qrow’s fight with Tyrian. That was also a stupid decision based on what we know now, but the point is Ruby didn’t have all that information--she was making a strategic choice on what she thought she knew. Ruby isn’t out to sacrifice herself for the sake of sacrifice. Does she make mistakes? Of course, but she’s a lot more self-aware than most would assume at first glance. She's out to win, not just turn herself into a martyr.

Ozpin says it himself, “She really is remarkable, isn’t she?” yet when Oscar agrees in this sort of awed voice, commenting that she must have been one of the best huntresses at Beacon, Ozpin is quick to clarify that Ruby has faults just like anyone else. What makes her special is that “spark,” her ability to inspire others even in the face of extraordinary odds. It's her optimism and leadership (among other traits) that make her great--but they certainly don't make her perfect.  

This comment of Ozpin’s was so reassuring. Yes, I’m also frustrated that no one is talking about Ruby’s silver eyes (I’d have demanded an explanation months ago??) but at least we have even more confirmation that Ozpin doesn’t just view Ruby as his secret weapon. This conversation could have easily ended with him making vague references to how powerful and important Ruby is. Instead Ozpin teaches Oscar that no one can be put up on a pedestal. Say what you want about Ozpin’s archetype and supposed manipulation. I firmly believe he was telling the truth when he told James ages back that he didn’t want his kids fighting a war. It’s just too bad that they have to.

Our last scene is the one everyone was waiting for. News has reached the fox brothers of Sienna’s assassination and when they refer to her as a “necessary sacrifice” everyone breathed a sigh of relief. That is, until the Belladonnas are also labeled a “necessary sacrifice” and everyone panicked. Our new winged faunus guy might have intercepted the messenger with news of Sienna’s death, but they can’t keep it a secret from Menagerie forever. When this gets out the tide might just turn in Ghira’s favor… so the whole family, with the exception of Blake, is to be killed. And Ilia is the perfect person to carry this out.

Frankly, I don’t think she’ll do it. The show has spent too much time framing her as a sympathetic character, someone really on the fence about her loyalties, and you can see the pure shock and hesitation on Illia’s face when she hears the news. The real question though is, if she does turn to Blake’s side, will her double-status be enough to save the Belladonnas? We dodged Qrow's death last Volume. Is it time then for another casualty?

The only real silver lining here is that if they do die it’ll probably happen off screen where we can ignore it. After all, it’s only the red-haired, green-eyed characters who get the gruesome deaths lol. Still waiting to see if that's just some morbid inside joke or if we'll ever get an in-universe explanation...

One final note regarding this episode: is anyone else highly suspicious of Oscar’s backpack? It’s not as if he’s wandered far to train—Ruby comes right downstairs to grab him for dinner. Yet here he is with his stuff all packed up. Oscar leans his cane with the other weapons, cries, and then packs it up as well, donning the backpack with his most precious possession inside, something that is entirely unnecessary if you’re just walking upstairs to dinner. The fact that this scene takes place with an open wall that leads outside, the fact that we cut with Oscar still standing in the middle of the room… it makes me nervous. Maybe Ozpin has a special mission for them. Maybe Oscar (despite Ruby’s comment that he’s braver than he thinks) is planning to leave….

…or maybe they just needed something for him to do while they had a long, intimate conversation. That’s always possible too.

Until next week!

Other Details of Note

Mermaid faunus confirmed.

Winged faunus CONFIRMED.

Oscar says that the only fighting he’s done is against small Grimm that, presumably, try and attack the farm. This raises a lot of questions regarding how strong a Remnant civilian is. Can everyone fight off one or two regular Grimm? Does Oscar’s farm work give him the kind of strength he needs to, I don’t know, stab something evil with a pitchfork? I remain supremely curious about what the average, non-fighter is capable of in this world.

Both Ruby and Oscar got to cry a bit during their conversation. Kudos. Keep letting the kids cry.

I also appreciate that it was a conversation between Oscar and Ruby. Ozpin may not literally be able to get away, but at least he has the tact to hang back and pretend that the conversation is private.

Adam is... definitely "unwell." Nice choice in language though. The fox brothers want to "silence" the Belladonnas whereas Adam straight up says to "slaughter" them. He's becoming more unhinged with each passing episode.

Karst Mining Village

He was an aspiring geologist, and I had hoped that he would have had more scholarly penchant, of studious nature in him. A unique curiousity towards the geologic disciples, that I would find attractive. I've always thought that such quality would justify my wish of seeing him as a successful geologist with robust contribution one day. I would take it as a nod to the secret hope that I would have a reliable future with him.

Yet, upon returning from a field study trip at a karst mine, instead of a nerdy ramble about speciments he had attained, he'd talked endlessly about the people of the nearby village, and it was not even of an anthropological nature, rather it was talked out of an overblown sentimentality, that it was almost offensive to hear. "Seeing them makes me so grateful of my life," I was waiting for a redeemable follow-up, but alas, I was bound for disappointment, "They need people like us to help them."

I realized one of the worst traits of him was not his ability (or lack thereof) in understanding nuanced jokes where the only feedback he'd have for my self-deprecating humor was turning the harmless talk into a motivational pep talk, or his capability in holding onto an opinion although it was wrong. Rather, it was his palpable savior complex, that he'd often sounded almost . . . white.

He had a very idealized perspective about the world, his family and . . . me. I was taking Political Economy as my minor, and one day I was confused whether to base my essay to certain study case with a Keynesian principles or not. Naturally, I would ramble my confusion out to him, and I hadn't expected him to grasp the idea in one go, but I had expected him to at least ask questions, as it would help my understanding process as well. But all he came out with was, "Wow you're so cool."

I was under the impression that maybe he  was not in the mood to process a discourse, thus the response; imagine how surprised I was the next morning to open up my social network and seeing him posted a poetry (on public timeline!) about 'his intellectual lover'; where he claimed that, 'I can see her as our Minister of Finance in the future'; where what I would do was: 'Helping those in needs.'

It was clear to me that he had no grip of reality, or the fact that he didn't know that just because someone was learning basic economics, it didn't mean she knew anything about finance; or maybe the fact that he didn't know the appropriate title in this context would  be Minister of Economy. . . or Minister of Welfare.

But all that aside, maybe I need to give credit where credit is due. He wasn't stupid, he knew about a lot of things that I did not know existed. He had a deep self-introspective nature in him that I admired. He was an enigmatic people person. Whenever he picked me up from my faculty, he'd always make time to talk with my friends and they were drawn to him for he had a very positive energy in him. I also enjoyed that I was practically the First Lady of his faculty for he was the President of his Student Body Congress. My vanity never ceased to conquer.

I tried to locate his basic fault and I realized it was his . . . childlike enthusiasm that often got the better of him. It was his lack of drive for verification that made him eat things out of people's hands. He was too gullible to say the least, and I couldn't help to think that my cynical tendency or my sardonic joke was simply not a great fit for him.

One thing for sure was on the late years of college, we drifted apart. I'd always known that he liked to display his love through persistent and tenacious act of service, no matter how mundane it would be.

He always insisted to drive me everywhere, that he would take it as an offense when I opted to ride my bike back home from the college. I knew he considered me as a challenge because I was too independent for his liking, and somewhere on the back of his mind, he was adamant to 'save me'.

He was certain that my disregarding his service was due to my self-loathe, he thought I thought I didn't deserve such loving, and he was set to 'Make you realize how loveable you are.' I won't lie, it was sweet until it got to be incessant, where he would consider my yearning for me-time as another mission for him to deliver me with foods and voice-notes that said things along the lines of: 'I know at this point you have so much on your shoulder. But remember that you were destined for the world and I would hold the weight of the universe with you, forever.'

I'd ignored those messages, for I had nothing worthy to say other than the fact that I wasn't out there saving the world or battling my demons like what he thought I'd be doing. I was shredding my lungs out trying to sing to Barbra Streisand's broadway songs, or I was re-watching The Jurassic Park for the fifth times. He failed to see that I was already a happy person, and my delightment was simple, superficial and did not involve him in most parts.

I knew at some points he had turned to his friends for help. And I also knew at one point he had a female friend he'd been talking regularly to ease his mind off of me.

Initially he would ask for her opinions about me, maybe through that he began to see a quality of her that he had hoped to see in me: leniency, delicacy, overall feminine qualities that would turn somber in my presentation. So they'd spend more time together, and eventually he got what he wanted as he gradually started to take his mind off of me.

I rode my bike more often to campus, for he'd been occupied by other things. When I spent the night until very late at the library, he would make sure that I knew I had him as an option for a ride home, but once I said I had my bike ready, he'd return to sleep and only call me the next morning, checking that I had a safe ride back home.

He once introduced me to his female friend of his, and even in one encounter I could see that she was his blueprint of an ideal woman. I knew it wouldn't be long until we part ways, but I just didn't have the heart to be the one to do that.

Finally came the days where I was engulfed in yet another ambitious project of mine, some things I regularly do when I've gotten bored over watching some dinosaur movies. I was set for an overseas competition and I had been spending all day training with my team. He had been busy as well, setting up a teaching project set to eradicate illiteracy at the karst mine village, so he was in and out of the city for most of the times.

We didn't talk much until the days leading up to my departure. We had only met again when he insisted to take me to the airport although I knew he was supposed to be in the village that night. On our way to the airport, he'd talked about all the things he had learned from the village, only this time it was different. He had amazing plans laid out, practical and strategic. And he uttered it with so much reasonable confidence. It was a very delightful moment to see him that way.

He walked with me until the check-in gate, where we embraced. I did not know why, but that day we were different persons than who we were years ago when we met for the first time. He carressed my hair, and he said, "Good luck."

I laughed because I had gotten very nervous about the competition and I needed all the luck in the world, "Thank you." as I buried my head in his embrace once again.

He let out a deep sigh and said, "You are set for the world. Always have been, always will be."

I couldn't help but to stare at him, and something told me that we both knew this was the end, "You know things wouldn't be the same when I get back, right?"

"Yes. I know."

"I know I've never been the best at expressing this, but--" I choked at my own feelings, which left me feeling very surprised, "--I do love you. And I appreciate every little thing you do. You are, truly, extraordinary."

He smiled, "Thank you." while landing a soft kiss on my forehead, "Now go get the world."

I remember coming up with the theory that lack of oxygen drives one to be relatively more sentimental than usual, because I had been crying a lot on the airplane that day, for I had lost the person, perhaps the only person that had ever believed in me more than anyone I had ever met in my life.

SasuSaku Month 2017 - Day 3 - Chemistry

SasuSaku Month 2017 – Day 3 – Chemistry AU in which the Hyuuga were somehow infected / harmed by Kaguya and their Byakugan is weakened. Yuuno Hyuga is an OC. I think Bout this becoming a multi-chap story. If you would like it to become one, send me a request, PM or just simply reply to this post!! Feedback is love!! Warnings: mild nsfw (Sasu's thirsty ass is my thirsty ass ok) "Sometimes you just gotta relax, yeah? And we have so many missions lately, so just being at the onsen with you, Sai and Sakura-chan would be ideal, watcha think?" His favorite moron was waing four golden-lined cards at him, his Sharingan nearly wanting to shoot a few black flames at the annoying cards. Ah, destiny was so cruel. Naruto Uzumaki just told him that the Rokudaime has ordered Sasuke, and the rest of the Team 7, to go to hot springs and relax. Fucking impossible, Sasuke ponders, all the while staring at the jelly he was supposed to eat. "C'mooon, teme, it would be pretty good for us! We haven't had a vacation since the war!" Sasuke doesn't say anything to the comment that jabs his heart. "Naruto, don't be an idiot. We have a lot of work. And just because I healed Neji, and the main family does not mean we can lay back and relax!" Naruto's cheerful expression visibly falls, but gets back up quick, not minding Sasuke's stern demeanor. His strict, grayish eyes, color watered down by tiredness, stare at the blue, whose are nearly scared? Sasuke softens, recognizing the fear that Naruto's orbs held – the aftermath of war was almost as terrifying as the war itself. Kaguya cast a rather potent jutsu that manifested quickly – a month after the war. Only Byakugan users were in danger – and so it seemed only a Sharingan could heal them. Which made Sasuke get out of the prison pronto, since not even Tsunade could heal this one. Their discovery of his possibly life-saving kekkei genkai was made with a help of the most revolting person. Orochimaru edo-tenseied Madara Uchiha, the only Uchiha privy to all nooks and crannies of any doujutsu. The man had a few exausting, snarky and sarcastic sessions with Sasuke – having only heard of the issue in legends and myths of his clan. At last with much bitching (they just had to summon Hashirama so he'd calm the man down, he didn't hear the end of it) Sasuke was explained with much emotional pain from Madara's side how the only special ability he had ever seen to a Mangekyou Sharingan were the ones the user could develop aside the original three; ones like Kamui and his younger brother Izuna's Healing eye, which could heal and nurture any kind of disability and disease. The only irony laying in the predicament of him not being able to heal himself. Madara said that on a whim, it could cause people to even lose memory, and since those abilities were all passed down to Sasuke by blood. Madara was very well acquainted with what Sasuke could do (he seen it in war and he had a peek at the family tree). "Hmph." The rowdy haired man would note, Sharingan passing over the scrolls. "What," Sasuke became rather impatient as of now. "It says here, that you are related to Obito Uchiha." "And?" Sasuke hides his annoyance by the fact. "That means you are related to me, too." Dead serious, Madara waits for a reaction from the younger Uchiha. "His grandmother was my illegitimate daughter. I didn't know she existed until I met Obito. And that, Sasuke, means," he traces the line that intwines with other Uchiha, passes crossings and other details until it lands on Fugaku Uchiha, "that you are my great-great-great, many greats, grandchild. Did someone from the clan continue with a specific powerful Mangekyou Sharingan?" Sasuke answers quickly, leaving no room for any remark,"Father had a Mangekyou. He was hiding it, so the clan wouldn't force him to use it to control the Kyuubi." "Only a weak leader would allow his followers to dictate him. That's straight-out moronic." Ignoring Madara and his own clear bout of rage, Sasuke continues. "There was also Shisui of the Teleportation, he had an amazing Body Flicker Tehnique, and only Ita- my brother could match him in genjutsu. He also had a particular tehnique which he had done with his Mangekyou, Kotoamatsukami, he could manipulate a person's mind and make it seem as if the decisions he would implant in their brain were their own. My brother had a Mangekyou, and had extraordinary abilities even as a young boy. That's all." "Ooh. Would you look at that; Shisui was Kagami's boy. I bet that he inherited the Amatsukami from him. Or a variation thereof. It doesn't matter, even if the kid would be interesting to fight," Madara muses, fingers languidly passing the scrolls, ignoring Sasuke's questioning gaze. "Is your brother the one who slaughtered the entire clan with Obito's help and joined Akatsuki?"asks without raising his head from the scroll. "Aa." Sasuke's dry remark doesn't put Madara off, and Sasuke was prepared to talk about uncomfortable things. "Interesting." It's silent for a bit, and then he asks something very weird. "What about your mother? Mikoto Uchiha? Did she awaken her Mangekyou?" "Hn. I have no knowledge of such a thing." "I suspect that she has." "And how did you come to such a conclusion?" Sasuke is sceptic, but Madara mentions nothing of it. "This person, Naori Uchiha, is related to her through here, and she also has the blood of my mother's sister. My mother had a great fighting power, and I even suspect she has awakened her Mangekyou before me. Your mother had a healing prowess or something?" "Not that I know of." "Very well then. I am about to teach you a very taxing healing technique, assuming that Orochimaru has taken my eyes post-war." "How can you assume such a thing?" "It's too great of a power for him to possess, at this point. He has my Rinnegan, probably both. Since they have mutated and I am dead, I have no use for them. You will absorb them rather simply: like you do jutsu. Then come back here since we have no time to waste." "Sasuke. I am... grateful. You know I am. But..." "Ugh, fine! I will come!" "Yas! I knew you would admit defeat, 'ttebayo!" Naruto shouts triumphantly, pumping his fist in the air, shoving Sasuke sideways in the process. "HEY! NARUTO!" "Heh, heh, sorry, Sasuke..." "You will be!" = It's a lonely night, as always, in the small complex Sasuke lives in. He is plagued by thoughts – a thing far more terrifying than any jutsu. Breathes in. Out. In again. Numerous times just thinking about the action... and the house feels vastly big and lonely... Somebody's voice he wishes to hear, somebody's heartbeat he wants to sleep on... he despises himself for it, but his dreams just aren't safe when he doesn't sense another person breathing, fighting, yielding, relaxing, dreaming, sighing, saying, 'Sasuke-kun, did you put away the food? The bread will go stale if you don't...', voice like a ring, small and everpresent, orbiting around him like a navigated fireball, the kind his mother liked to show him and Itachi when they were kids. "Sasuke Uchiha-san." From his sofa in the living room, he can hear them: two ex-ANBU, now Jounin, looking to take him to the Hokage's. He doesn't expect himself to be so fast as he readied his clothes and his headband, a wave of nostalgia shooting through him as his chakra flares. They are there quickly – Kakashi's silent and tired silhouette welcoming them wearily, Sasuke finding the literal sunshine emanating off the people awaiting annoying. And, well, endearing. Sakura's pink, now slightly longer hair that is the lead role in his wildest dreams and nightmares is in a braid, the toned muscle she has covered by a thin summer dress, no trace of her headband. The summer dress was so light and tight, it made him want to sallivate. "Here he is, all ready for a mission. Didn't I tell you we might have some problems with him, Kakashi-sensei?" "Well you must have mentioned," the silver-haired Hatake smirks underneath the mask, favoring the presence of his former students plus Sai. Naruto's comments are only natural to Sasuke, so he gives no reaction. "Naruto, this is a mission, after all. A mission of you four relaxing!" Good-naturedly putting his hands on his hips as he stands up from his chair, Kakashi looks over each of them. "Sai doesn't even know what the word vacation means... Sasuke thinks it's a tropical animal probably. God knows you need one, Sakura... and as for you, Naruto..." trailing off, as if not knowing whether he is finding a good word or not, he coughs up a bile,"we all know you deserve one." "Hurrah!" Loud exclamating of the blonde moron positively burst Sasuke's eardrums, he wonders what did he do to deserve this. But, in a second, he doesn't like the answer to the question. "Sakura-chan, Sai, Sasuke! Let's go to the hot baths and have a vacation like never before!" = Somehow, Sasuke is content. The futons they sleep on in the beautifully furnished inn are warm and comfortable, and he only remembers that the comfort of his own bed could rival it. So why does he fucking avoid it like plague? Because he is already plagued. Shit got real the night he finally realized that Sakura's hair is the softest fucking thing, that she reads him like a book, knowing how he breathes, all the things he hates (there's too many), how he doesn't like to eat ramen if it isn't with Dobe, or her. How he can't tolerate his eyes being nearly boiled out of his skull while Hyuga fucking Yuuno is worried about her ponytail. The utmost respect and damn near adoration for her skill and passion for medical ninjutsu, loyalty to the quite annoying person who has taught it to her, and all the nights he would make his small patrols to find her under the light of a candle, reading yet another scroll on headaches and how to remedy those caused by Rinnegan of all things, and it's their little secret. There is the second type of plague. When he can't stop thinking about how warm her eyes are, and how aflame they would be if he just sucked on her most secret place, there, in the crook of her inner things, and he would sigh, because she'd be all warm and wet and- Crap. He earned himself a hard-on. He thought of her as a specific kind of medication one couldn't take a little more than just prescribed, because if they did – he would be addicted. Like the heady scent of chemicals – so inviting, but capable of doom. He would take not the prescribed amount – he would take so much his doctor would scream at him to stop. And he would like to make her scream soon.

CanvasWatches: The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan

In the fine tradition of the Franchise and also my viewing of it, we’re skipping Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya[1] and moving straight to The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, which inexplicably maintains the name order for the title.

I am often confused by Japanese names in media that’s been localized. Character names are often obvious, because speech and grammar and context makes it clear whether its the given name or family name being used by the speaker, but I’m not always clear with credits. Do publishers switch the author’s name on the book, or do they maintain it?[2]

I’m not actually sure how I want names ordered in dubs, while we’re going through this tangent. I view both arguments (Accuracy to the original text vs. Approachability to new audiences) as largely equal, so as long as the text maintains consistency, I’m satisfied.[4]

However, the actual show switches the names, making it inconsistent with the title. Poor showing, Funimation.

As for the subject of today's review, the conclusion is: I liked it! Maybe one should view it as a continuation on the rest of Haruhi Suzumiya to better catch the jokes and nods, but it’s not necessary.

Onto the analysis! (Spoilers for all of Haruhi Suzumiya, though I will try and avoid major plot points not in Yuki-chan itself.)

Right off the bat, Yuki-Chan fixes the greatest sin committed by the original source material: Yuki gets to keep her glasses!

Let there be rejoicing! Yay! Woo!

In fact, glasses are used as a subtle narrative device, making them a required prop.

The anime is adapted by a comic written by Puyo, who also created the Haruhi-chan comics that were adapted into animation themselves. Haruhi-chan was an extensively goofy version of the Haruhi canon, and includes its own ongoing interpretation of the plot and characters.

Yuki-chan sits in a comfortable midpoint between realistic and cartoonish, with a good balancing of tone, and brings elements from both Haruhi-chan and Nagaru Tanigawa’s source novels. The comedy’s good, the drama’s good, and it flows well between them.

The setting itself comes from one of my favorite ways to find inspiration: looking at the throw-away details of other narratives, and exploring the logical extreme.

In this case, what is it like in the other world created for The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya?[5] What stories can be told when you grab Haruhi, strip her of god powers, and set her over there, and settle everyone else into normal human forms?

This is an exercise I think writers should take more often. It’s a common trope in fanfiction for a reason.[6] Stories are often built from extraordinary people in extraordinary circumstances, but good characterization should prevail even if you take away the magic and monsters, and set everyone in a coffee shop. How do Yuki and Kyon get along when they aren’t saving the world?

And, more interestingly, who is Yuki when she’s no longer a Humanoid Interface for the Data Overmind?[7] Because it’s equally valuable to consider what changes when you remove elements from characters.

What does change is Yuki becomes the shy, bookish (well, video game playing) girl that would be her common trope. But she’s also oddly voracious in regards to food, and has her share of quirky behaviors to match those of, say, Tsuruya.

This version of Yuki is also notably the first Moe character to actually appeal to me. I am invested in Yuki, and want her to succeed!

Because one of the opening conceits is a lack of Haruhi, (at least initially. Ms. Suzumiya does, of course, always find a way) Yuki’s literary club doesn’t get forcibly hijacked into the SOS Brigade, though it is at risk of closure due to lack of members. Also, as a nice meta gag, the production team’s name has been switch from ‘SOS Brigade’ in the closing credits to ‘North High Literary Club’.[7]

When we open the series, only Yuki and Kyon from the original cast are immediately present, along with Ryoko Asakura, who originally only existed long enough to attack Kyon with a knife and be deleted by Yuki, so as to show off what sort of power and danger Yuki and her contingent presents.

Since there is no Data Mind, Ryoko gets to be a main character, and thus act as a major change to the dynamics we’re used to. She’s a lower energy member of the ‘enactors’ end of the cast. Motivated by her friendship by Yuki, and a caring individual, she is still one of the few characters able to stand toe to toe with Haruhi without risk of being swept up into something against her will.

Her element of wackiness, however, is gleefully displayed during the first episode when, while shopping for the Literary Club’s Christmas Party, the trio encounters Mikuru and Tsuruya, to continue making the most of characters that didn’t get to fully shine during Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, and someone needs to be pushing Mikuru into situations.

Tsuruya and Ryoko begin pitting Yuki and Mikuru against one another for Kyon’s affections, before competing against one another directly, forming a friendship, and pretty much enlisting Tsuruya and Mikuru into the literary club.

Luckily, Mikuru is allowed out of the love triangle for this story. She’s still the soft spoken eye candy, but even that element’s toned down. Honestly, Mikuru could’ve been cut without making much difference, but we do need the full brigade eventually.

No, this time the love triangle (still pointing into Kyon) is a fight between Yuki and Haruhi!

Haruhi rejoins the dynamic by leaping out of snow-covered bushes in a post-credits scene of episode two, then collapsing on the ground. In this reality, a lot of the big events remain, but the details are shifted so that fantastic elements are no longer required. Kyon was still present when Haruhi drew her message on school grounds, but he was present as his middle schooler self, it doesn’t lead to Haruhi’s god powers, and the lack of Future!Kyon means Haruhi isn’t inspired to go to North High, and instead enrolling at a Prep School stationed at the base of the hill.

It’s also notable that Haruhi attempted to recreate the event during the series, but this time it’s a ploy to capture Santa Claus[8], and drafted a passing Yuki into it. It takes both of them a while to realize this, as Yuki forgot her glasses, and it was dark at the time.

Obviously, Haruhi immediately sets about taking over the literary club, dragging in Itsumi (also at the Prep School, and hopelessly in love with Haruhi), closes the deal with recruiting Mikuru, and hits the other notes of the original canon.

However, this time Ryoko is there to prevent Haruhi totally running rampant. Which is likely for the best, since it’s supposed to be Yuki’s story. Which even Haruhi seems to realize at some level.

Because Haruhi’s clearly got a crush on Kyon, but he doesn’t remember the night in the courtyard. And, at the same time, Yuki’s very clearly interested (not that Kyon notices that either) and Ryoko makes it very clear that Yuki deserves her shot. After some Valentine's Day confusion, Haruhi pretty much silently concedes the competition to even the playing field with consideration of Yuki’s social anxiety.

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-Chan could be divided into three arcs, following the interpersonal issues of three characters: Yuki, Other Yuki, and finally Kyon.

Yuki’s arc is more or less what I described above, as it also needs to introduce the cast. Yuki loves Kyon,[9] who is oblivious, because of course he is. Yuki has pretty severe Social Anxiety, however, and thus can not spit out her feelings, even while sharing a coat during a Christmas Party, or during Valentine's day, or during a club trip, even while being cheered on by the other club members.

Poor girl.

There’s the usual misunderstandings, fear of ruining a perfectly functional friendship, distractions by Ryoko and Haruhi, and plenty of ship teases.

Still, the stretch of episodes is filled with plenty of Haruhi-Chan style humor and chibified moments. I also found myself, in a rare instance, noticing the background music, which was all lovely.[10] It’s standard romance material, which isn’t a genre I usually seek out, so the first nine episodes were both fresh enough to me, and with well executed comedy.

Then, after the credits of episode Nine, Nagato is involved in a car accident. We don’t see the impact, so there’s just enough ambiguity not to make the audience question the results.

We do know Yuki’s glasses are knocked off and bent. Oh no!

But don’t worry, Yuki has a back up pair of glasses.

Also, she’s got some level of brain damage now, altering her personality to be very similar to the Yuki we know from past material. Thus enters Other Yuki. Marked by the slightly different glasses she wears.

Told you they’d be significant.

Thus we enter a more psychological and ponderous arc. Starting with an episode entitled ‘Someday in the Rain’.[11]

This Other Yuki has the memories of Yuki Nagato, of course, but feels a disconnect from them and her life from before the car accident. With that disconnect, her emotions are also gone, leaving a monotone and subdued character in. Her interests also turn from video games to books.

Or, in other terms, the Data Overmind Yuki. Though not really. I’ll come back to this.

She attempts to go undetected, living Yuki’s life, trying to leave it in the same shape as she found it.

Though it doesn’t work on her closest friend, as Ryoko asks ‘Who are you, and where is Yuki Nagato?’

Which is a very dramatic way to phrase that, Ryoko!

So, for a short spell, I theorised that maybe this is the Humanoid Interface Yuki stepping in for the period covered by Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya. However, they didn’t put in any other clues to that interpretation, and the healing process that gradually brings back Yuki makes it essentially untenable as a theory. This series is severed totally from the Prime Timeline.

Yuki explains her situation to Ryoko, who drags her to see a dang doctor, like, come on girl, that’s step one. The doctor confirms there’s no apparent damage, and that Yuki merely needs time to recover, including plenty of sleep.

Yuki continues to live the life of a High Schooler through exams, as Ryoko and Kyon worry over her out of earshot. They’re unsure how to feel about this Other Yuki, but resolve to do their best.

So, as Other Yuki narrates, we hear the story of a robot developing emotions and attachments, brought in by her healing, told over of the course of four episodes. This includes fearing what is essentially her death, as once she finishes healing, Other Yuki will be gone, replaced by her body’s original owner. Emotions are mixed for all involved, as of course they want their Yuki back, but they also grow attached to Other Yuki and don’t wish to see her go fully.

On what Other Yuki knows will be her last day, with only one sleep remaining, she spends time at a used book fair, then as much time with Ryoko as possible, before heading to the library to finish reading a book she checked out before she’s gone.

Once that’s done, one final task remains as sleep begins to come for her, she phones Kyon to confess her love. Also to ask him to return the book for her.

She’ll be dead in a minute, so why not?

Kyon races to meet with her before she’s gone, but finds a napping Yuki once he reaches the bench outside the library. Other Yuki is gone.

Which leaves the remaining episodes of the series to deal with the fallout of the situation. Ryoko, sad to see Other Yuki go, collects herself quickly and resumes her life. Yuki seems to have lost her memories from the period, and I don’t think anyone tells her what happened in the interim.

Kyon is unsure what to do, as he realizes he’d fallen in love with Other Yuki.

Further, Haruhi has to deduce the events, as exams had kept her and Koizumi away. She encourages Kyon to work through his confusion.

I hand the final arc to Kyon because the roles switch places from the first arc, with Yuki blissfully unaware of Kyon’s feelings as Kyon is overthinking everything. It’s an interesting turn around.

Eventually, during a festival, Kyon uses the sound of fireworks to cover up his own love confession, as a symbolic message to the Other Yuki, so that he can finally let go and move on.

Which leaves us in the stalemate we began with: Yuki loves Kyon, and Kyon is blissfully unaware, even though Other Yuki’s confession should be a hint.

And maybe it is, as we don’t get to see much more.

Honestly, I’d be satisfied if this is where the Anime Adaption remains. I know of the Manga, of course, but short of a second head injury, Other Yuki is not likely to return, and it’s her segment that gives weight and purpose to the series. We’ve told the story of both Yukis disappearing, so it’s complete in my mind.

I’d much rather the resources be put instead into continuing adapting the Haruhi Suzumiya books.

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan works best as a companion to Melancholy, but I believe it’s strong enough on it’s own legs if you prefer. Yuki is an endearing character, the titular arc is a strong tale of melancholy (ha!), and it’s an enjoyable ride. So give it a go.

If you have comments, questions, or loose thoughts, feel free to contact me and I’ll attempt to meet them with due diligence. If you want to support me, my projects, and/or fund me getting a dog, please check out my Patreon. If it ever gains traction, I’ll modify it to reward people with things they like. I aim to amuse.

Kataal kataal.

[1] Funimation has secured the license, I’ve preordered it, it’ll come. [2] I’m mostly wondering about Isuna Hasekura’s[3] name, as I intend to use it for fun reference times. [3] Author of Spice & Wolf. [4] Nevertheless, Haruhi Suzumiya sounds better to my ear than Suzumiya Haruhi. That may be habit, though. [5] I am using the english title because that’s what I know it as. [6] Does Yuki-chan count as fanfiction? The lines blur! [7] Sneaking Yuki’s name into the credits would have cinched it, but, alas… [8] Possibly a nice nod to Kyon’s famous opening monologue. [9] Whose real name we still do not know, though this series explains how the nickname passed from his sister to others. [10] There’s a particular Jazz number that first crops up during the mall sequence in the first episode that recurs. I should probably search out that track… [11] Trying to use nostalgia of my favorite Haruhi episode to evoke an emotional response, eh? It worked.

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