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#ever see something you wish you didnt
joskippy · 6 months
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There is such a big racism and antisemitism problem in the nightvale fandom that its fucking crazy
#jontalks#wtnv#ill main tag this what fucking ever im gonna delete this immediately anyway#stop drawing carlos tan with brown hair stop depicting him as a dead beat lying predatory sex pest#stop fucking demonizing him for his character flaws you wouldnt be calling him some of the shit you people call him if he was white#ive seen the biggest artist in this fandom say they wish cecil got put in a cage and expiremented on in the year 11 arc like that#isnt revolting to say about a jewish character#ive seen the same people dissapointed that did not happen like the two writers arent jewish and would write something as disgusting as that#ive seen an artist draw a white character fantasize about brutalizing a brown character#and no one gives people shit for it and they still fucking do disgusting shit with these characters#ive seen people mad carlos didnt do something awwful to lubelle to give her reason to hate him like#the whole point of that wasnt that lubelle was a privilege white women jealous of a brown gay mans success#you people are so fucking aggravating and disgusting#and you need to start giving people shit when they are fucking weird about these marginalized characters#because some of you do not think when you depict carlos. a dark brown latino gay man as a predatory sex pest who is a dead beat#and treat cecil who people either draw lighter than or white as this perfect angel who has done nothing wrong#you would not be calling carlos a impulsive lier and a piece of shit for just being written as a emotionally closed off character#if he was white or if he was a paler latino man#it just fucking boggles my mind this is still an issue in this space and that it ALWAYS has been#its not surprising to me at all that this is the same fanbase in the early days that were refusing to see carlos as a dark skinned man and#that people who didnt want to depict him as such were fucking defended#this is the same fanbase that started shaking in their boots when people were questioning why everyone defaults to white for cecil its like#some of yall are very racist and you need to revaluate the bs you say about#a cast of majorily marginalized characters#and why you demonize the brown character for the same shit the one that is aracial in podcast and you draw as white as a perfect sweet ange#lol
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doecrossing · 21 days
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just sat through the most horrible, awkward, tense dinner I've ever experienced in my whole life
#my bf's family was in town to see the eclipse#he was like 'hey do you wanna get dinner with us after?'#and he's met my entire family so even though i didnt want to it was only fair.#anyway his uncle picks us up at my apartment. his sister is in the car.#no one asks who or how i am and i do not get introduced nor have the chance to introduce myself#for like a good 3-5 minutes. off to a bad start.#we get to the restaurant. a pizza place. his family is already seated.#no one except for his grandparents acknowledge me. they are the only 2 people to talk to me directly for the entire meal.#his grandfather asks some stuff about my life. i answer normally. he veers off into tangents that i can only respond to with 'haha'#or a smile and nod bc they are so personal that i literally have nothing to add#the children in the family spill water everywhere. there is yelling in the public restaurant while my bf goes and gets napkins#like a normal person might do#despite being at a pizza place everyone decides to order an individual dish instead of something to share#this might be fine if there were only 4 of us. there were 10.#they get mad when the food takes over an hour to come#at this point i wished i had ordered a cocktail#his uncle is the most awkward person ive ever met. he quotes outdated memes out loud.#at one point everyone except for me and my bf was on their phones#his grandfather shows me vulgar facebook posts#what is WRONG with people#im going to shower and change into my jammies and have a drink and watch something stupid#i need to cleanse myself of this whole. thing.#txt
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sluckythewizard · 1 month
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SHHH SH HEYYY HEY DONT TELL ANYONE BUT... ive been workin on smth since BITB came out..... itsa lil musical animatic involvin kian and becky.... ITS NO WHERE NEAR DONE YET but loooook look im puttin lil screenshots under the cut. its supposed to go along with Am I In Heaven? by King Gizzard n the Lizard Wizard. infact yknow what cmere come sit with be bc ALOT of songs from the 'IM IN YOUR MIND FUZZ' album makes me think about becky and kian. oh my god. those two make me so damn emotional. like Her and I was the first one to rly resonate with me, and EMPTY was another good one, all just stuff about. yknow LOVE!! doomed by the narrative yet burning SO SO brightly in its last moments, holding hands, playing music, THEY WERE SO IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT THE COPY OF THEM LOVED YOU, AND YOUR COPY LOVES THEM TOO. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CRUMBLING, BURNING, HISSING, SQUIRMING, MELTING, CLICKING LOVE STORY..
GET OVER HERE N SCREAM WITH MEEE I LOVE SCREAMING ABOUT THINGS
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#THIS IS A DRAFT that i made like. months ago. woopsie.#BUT IM CHIPPING AWAY AT IT AGAIN. IT CANT STAY UNFINISHED FOREVER. ONE DAY YOU WILL ALL SEE! YOULL ALL SSSEEEE!!!!!!!#no reblogs either this stays between US!!!!!!!!!!#and if you guys like it enough i might post an old fuckin wip i have all packaged together on youtube. its a VIDEO it goes w the MUSIC!!#SOUND WITH THE MOVING IMAGE?? IVE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE!!!#ill post the Lord of Lightning animatic i made on tumblr when i get the chance. in the meantime i ahve it posted on twitter. GO FETCH#but THIS SECOND ONE is out there.. all synced together..#but its a wip and its rough and old and scuffed and i HATE IT. my son whom i wish was dead#but you can see it. for the small small price of uh. begging.#also ouuhh my god i love becky and kian so much... they make me so emotional.. SOMETHING ABT DOOMED SHIPS...#even as the boat sinks these two clung together so tightly. they really really did love eachother so much. even after ten years of ROTTING#of sitting and waiting and wondering 'where is she?' is she lost? hurt? did something happen? is she okay? did she even want to be here?#does she hate me? did she leave because she hated me? she never wanted to see me again? where is she? where is she? guess ill write a song#FOR TEN YEARS. when i was just busy. i was distracted. so much came up. things got serious. my dream became clear and i had to chase it#i didnt know you were waiting. im sorry. i should have chased the thought of you more. but i was busy. i was just busy.#i wish that i could apologize with the throat that was my own. i hope this copy will suffice. i hope this copy will suffice. UGH
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dreamsy990 · 11 months
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perfectionism, i think.
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icewindandboringhorror · 10 months
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misc. daily life photos again .. for the every once in a while that I collect enough over a few months to actually make a photo set out of them lol
#Not sure how to caption every photo because you can unfortunately no longer caption photos so that text appears#under them when you view them. you can only add photo descriptions (which is more about literally describing#the image for people who can't see it or etc.). I wish they had the ability to have both captions and descriptions as both are useful for#different functions but it seems they took captions away entirely so. I guess I'll have to just number every picture and then talk about th#em in the tags or soemthing?? SO.. starting from top left to right --#image 1: blackberries BUT also if you look close.. there's a tiny little bug on them lol#image 2: little water droplets on the back of a leaf that looked cool.. love anything with tiny water orbs#image 3&4: a spiky fuzzy sort of caterpillar outside on a yardwork glove.. small friend#image 5: THIS is such a bad slogan!!! what a lie!!! I personally would LOVE to have a sandwich party! in fact I would rather attend a#sandwich party than a pizza party because it would be fun to sample a wide variety of sandwich platters with all different meats and chee#& breads & ingredients & etc. !! now I just wish I could go to a cool sandwich sampling party w a full buffet of various mini sandwiches :#image 6: a chicken sandwich I made myself at home. with swiss cheese >:3#image 7&8 : HHRGH it's a CAT and also bubble tea!!! AND is pastel teal! but alas.. it was like $20 and I didnt want to pay that but now#looking back on the photos slightly regret it lol. I think it's more because it's a brand name since the cat is some popular cat like hello#kitty or something. I didn't really notice that until later lol. I was just thinking 'OMG A CAT!'. I love all cats. brand or no brand lol#image 9: my single once a year trip to the drink place that has really nice garlic noodles. this time with beef? which was good too. And#the typical drink order of pina colada smoothie (i think it's coconut pineapple and strawberry?). plain matcha bubble tea (favorite and all#I ever get from anywhere). and a strawberry smoothie thing. I also usually get a coffee bubble tea but the place is like 50% of the time ou#of coffee for some reason so. hggh.. Which I know is like everyday food for some people but. I get food from places SO rarely that it's al#ays an event to take a picture about lol. Just cooking at home 99% of the time makes those trips for fancy food more special I guess#Id rather save the money/dont have much in the 1st place .& also am still a freak who hates using apps/dislikes shit like ubereats or etc.#I would literall NEVER get food delivered to my house under any circumstance unless I was dying alone inside on hospital bed rest with no#support system and no transportation and having food delivered to me was my last possible option. otherwise. if I want something so bad#I can just leave the house to physically pick it up myself without involving a middle man to the process and paying more. .. ANYWAY ghjgjh#image 10: BOY in BOX.. playing a new boardgame and he sits inside! rip to my big beautiful son. I miss him.#UpWords is a fun game though. It's similar to scrabble except you can stack the letters? interesting#Okay. that's all the pictures! Also for the record I do think it's a good thing to have image descriptions! I wasn't complaining in the sen#e that I wish they would get rid of them and bring captions back. more just I would like to have both preferrably. I liked being able to#caption things on the occasional post like this where the layout is better suited towards it.#photo diary
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janiedean · 5 months
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solaaresque · 1 year
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day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/
#reze stfu#god i honestly. idk what to say#my parents aren't bad in terms of it. they're pretty good as far as parents go#but like. imso fucking tired of being expected to act and talk a certain way. yes. i am your first child#that is exactly the reason i am so fucked up!! because you didnt know how to deal with children when you had me an i was basically a...#idk. an experiment or wtv#I WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT !!#i know there is something wrong with me. because i've been told that. to my face. repeatedly#and people wonder why my self esteem is so low :/#maybe if you didnt amke me question my fucking existance i wouldnt be this way. you ever thought of that??#just two more years . i gotta hanf on for two more years. thats all. thats all. and them im our im out of this house#maybe ill like them better when i dont see tjem everyday#god i love being deathly terrified of my own parents. sometimes i dont even think i love them. i think im just so scared of them#that ive deluded myself into thinking that i love them and theyd never do anything to hurt me#despite KNOWING that isnt true#and its worse when my sisters have to deal with the fallout like. im used to being the buffer. i can deal with that. but please please#please dont expect me to parent. dont expect me to take your place. side eyes my father#WHY am i the most responsible person in that house???#you expect me to trust you ??? after you left 2 10 year olds alone in a playground in the hot sun for 3 hours with no food no water no money#no way back home??? and you fucking forgot about them???? and i had to remind you????????#i dont know. maybe im just lashing out. maybe im just tired of being the fuckup#its hard to be proud of yourself when you end up being told that there is something about you that is not right in the head ykwim?#ugh im sorry for ranting i just. idek what set me off and now i have nail marks in my arm and my skin is raw again#and my eyes are bloodshot. so i guess. ill be crying myself to sleep again. yay#that is if i even GET to sleep. i just wasted 20 mins i couldve used to be working having a mental breakdown. fun fun#tw suicide#tw vent
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nerdie-faerie · 11 months
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Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that
#personal#+Extra#i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week#since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student#accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing#whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to#explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that#theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way#to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love#them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i#cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always#resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like#a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me#but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over#the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know#that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out
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meringuejellyfish · 2 years
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i think the fact that witch hat atelier somewhat struggles with introducing a few too many characters at a time but then not really taking the time to fully flesh out or utilize them leaving for much to desire from characters that do appear to be quite interesting is something i consider a blunder of the series but its also rather humorous to me because i think this author just really likes character design i will be honest
#thankfully the main cast is just so wonderfully captivating and incredibly enjoyable that its not really a case of ''being stuck with boring#main characters when the side characters are infinitely more interesting''#its more so ... characters like alaira jujy heiheart etc etc are so fun and cool and it makes me mad because i just want to know more about#them !!!!!!!please. just a little bit#when jujy (and heiheart) appeared in the recent chapters i was freaking out you guys dont know#JUJY WAS INTERACTING WITH THE OTHER APPRENTICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!G#fucking hell man. the main four apprentices are genuinely some of my favorite characters in anything. ever#but also ... jujy could have been a main character. lol#and im a little (very!) upset that shes not when i think about it#sigh ..i cant wait for alaira and euini to reappear#with the case of alaira i actually get so so upset i wish they didnt just disappear for so many chapters without even a simple mention#i get it theyre going rouge but :-( they had the one comic where euini sends letters to richeh but we never get something like this in the#actual series#and its so strange to me. i cant keep living like this i need alaira to tell me stories about her life#i CANNOT keep making shit up about her i miss her so bad its not even fucking funny#i also ... want to see more of her and qifrey :-( i think about them sometimes#alaira is one of qifreys only and dearest friends ....i love how silly and tender their interactions are#these people dont see eachother very often but wont hesitate to joke around a bit whenever they do happen to cross paths#theyre just very comfortable around eachother#i just like how this series writes relationships between the adults its handled with such a specific care and is so natural. but thats a#whole other ramble#these are ...people
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m0e-ru · 2 years
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sogabe was so real for this
#persona 4 spoilers#persona 4 manga#p4#// izanami? in MY sagiri? nofucking way. hes following lore for once#// sitting down hugging legs do you see their eyes do you see the rings do you see the speech bubbles do you see their philosophy do y#// twitches eyes i am normal about this everytime all the time always <- affirmation <- completely batshit insane about this#// souji is empty SOUJI IS EMPTY TOO !!!!!! RATTLES HIM SHAKES HIM MAKES MARACA SOUNDS <- doesnt explain#// SOGABE SENSEI SHOULDVE BEEN GIVEN MORE PANELS TO DRAW IZNMI MRE SHESO PRETTYY <- deprived#// SORRY their humanoid portrait wasnt even finalized by soejima himself SORRY both anime art direction were complete ASS#// she was there from the start there from the start there from the start there from the start there from the start th#// except the game was SO LOW BUDGET they didnt make it as good as yal—THEY GAVE HIM A CONFIDANT WITH THE PROTAGONIST#// iznmi did her role of being the most forgettable unnoticeable inconspicuous bitch in the whole of inaba AND in real life#// something something dont worry misszanami i saw your chanel boots something something#// BIGGEST FLAW TO THIS IS THAT IT DOESNT HAVEC MARIE IN IT OTHERWISE SOGABE'S THE GOAT IN THE ENTIRE WRITING OF PISS FOUR#// iznmi is nothing but a girlemployee failwife boykiller thats my take /gets dragged in by the thousand curses or whatever/#// if there was ANY official media i could ever want with mim in it it would be a drama cd voiced by kasuyan. and an omake by sogabe#// wish i could be more coherent about this except i really am so batshit crazymad right now. i mean i am so normal about things
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mrbingley · 2 years
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firmly in my loser era and trying to be okay with it but remarkably failing even at that.
#how... do people... get a job... that pays enough to pay rent.#ive been jobless for two years (not that my job before the pandemic even paid enough to afford rent).#i barely leave the house or talk to ppl in person in ‘real’ life. i feel...... like a loser.#i see ppl sad and mad about getting an entry level job that pays $30000#(and yes i agree you should get paid more) and i feel so bitter and jealous.#i wish i /wish/ i could make that much money. that much money is a dream to me.#im tearing up just thinking about it.#idk what im doing with my life. idk how to get a job. and be a productive functioning person.#i dont think id mind feeling like a loser if that didnt also make me feel like an embarrassing burden to my family.#all im ever thinking about at all times is what i should be doing:#i should be applying to more jobs or i should be writing on a schedule#and publishing my online novel to try to make money off of it#or i should start knitting for profit and sell what i make or i should set up a fiver#and try to sell my graphic making abilities or i should try to make and post graphics consistently#to build up a social media presence so i can profit off that or etc etc etc.#it’s so exhausting thinking like this. i cant stop. because i need to make money. it’s all im ever thinking about it#and it makes it so hard to create genuinely and freely and happily. im so exhausted thinking like this.#i wish i had a job so i could stop thinking like this. it’s unrelenting. incessant. it invades every moment.#even the moments im trying to give myself a break. they dont feel like a break. because ill be watching a video#but thinking ‘you dont have a job you should be trying to do something about that you should be trying to make money#you should be trying to become a more functional person why are you so unproductive why cant you just sit down and work’.#i wish i knew how to sit down and work! to make myself be productive!#i wish i did! i wish i could! but i don’t know how! i don’t think im capable of doing it on my own. or maybe even at all.#J: text#J: life#im sorry this is my monthly making a sad post about this same topic post. that i then delete a day later.#im sorry. i wish i wasnt making this post too.
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everwisp · 1 year
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ever.exe has stopped working
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vanillu-script · 2 years
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my dad will comfort and hold my crying mother to the ends of the earth but me? Oh I'm actually less conversationally important than the fucking WWE Goldberg biopic
#'and nobody fucking cares' 'i dont think thats true'#what the fuck would you know. you won't even look at me.#if im sobbing he'll continue to discuss whats on the tv.#and i wish i didnt have to fucking say anything about it to him to begin with but its months for counselors.#my friends have it worse than me. just reconnected with a highschool friend who is amazing at grounding me but shes 22 with fucking fibro.#she doesnt need my trash especially since i havent physically seen her in like 3 years. and i cant help her the way she helps me.#nobody will listen. when they do: im a mentally ill stereotype and an annoyance. its not unrealistic that people would see me this way.#its horrible.#and because i am mentally ill and distressed no one wants to acknowledge why im distressed: physical fucking symptoms#if i suffer for 2-3 more months and then get treated and better then thats. well. something.#if my head is right and im unreparable or i die i want it to be said that i fucking hate everyone for not listening.#this klonopin is taking too long to hit. i just want to be fully sedated into a coma until they can fix me.#i dont ever want to look at anything. even when im happy or enjoying myself im mortified by how my world is now.#ive been dissociating for years but never this. everything looks fucking wrong. sleep brings no comfort. the spins come at night.#tomorrow im going to call about klonopin and see if theyll let me have more. not taking it every day. but honestly. in terms of peace#of course. my doctor also recommends ketamine. haha. thatll be something.#ok. i think my brain is slowing .#fuzzy.#personal#delete later#vent //
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summerof336bc · 2 years
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the inherit tragedy of the marijuanas
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tobe-sogolden · 2 years
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Hello! I’ve looked through your blog a couple times, as I’m trying to find other harries of color to interact with about Harry, and I have a question but I hope it doesn’t come across the wrong way as I am genuine. Why do you keep up with what larries, deuxmoi, and what you call “pr harries” are saying about Olivia and Harry? If I’m understanding your replies to the asks that you get on the topic, these things make you very upset, which is understandable. But is constantly complaining (sorry if that’s harsh I can’t think of a better word for what I’m observing) in response to the latest rumor or hissy fit about them being spotted together any healthier for you and your anons/followers? Doesn’t that just distract from talking about what you actually enjoy? I used to often check accounts from known big larries or Harry haters as yeah, it was funny observing the immense cognitive dissonance, but eventually it became less fun and more mentally exhausting to do so much doom scrolling when I could just…block and ignore them, y’know? I’ve also deleted twitter, cause that’s just another head ache, and with some curating of my dash I’m mostly blissfully unaware of what’s going on Harry’s personal life. But if I chance upon your blog, suddenly I’m aware of the terrible things being said about Olivia everyday by people who are dug into their own narratives about Harry and likely aren’t going to change without real help. I’m just curious if this is fun or cathartic for you and your anons to be stuck in this seemingly self imposed cycle of always seeing negativity about Olivia and focusing on that, rather than talking about the fun things?
To be honest, I try to not keep up with it. I don't ever seek out the information on my own and I prefer to stay ignorant if possible. But it inevitably ends up in my orbit (I probably need to delete twitter too 🥴) and (1) I'm very triggered by people spreading misinformation and physically cannot shut my mouth if I see it lol and (2) I really hate for the naysayers to be the only voices. I feel like just ignoring it and not calling it out or providing a rational alternative to their insane bs is what's allowed this behavior to become so commonplace and accepted in this fandom and I hate that. I would say like 85% of the time it's more funny than truly annoying to me and like 15% of the time I get genuinely angry over it and then I just take a little break and remind myself it's not that serious 😆 and no I don't find that it distracts me from talking about fun things! I know that might seem like that's all I'm doing lately but that's only bc tumblr is so dead these days so I literally just log on, answer messages, and then log back off bc there's usually like 5 new posts on my dash from the last like 12 hours so not much else to do 💀 but rest assured I'm still listening to the album on repeat and enjoying myself 😌
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alittleemo · 4 days
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#genuinely not sure where to go . who to ask. do you just drive to cemeteries and ask for their directory. do they have those.#not at a point where i can ask my mother. have not heard his name from her mouth since july. not sure i could stomach hearing it now.#ive read the obituary again. all it says is the service address. private internment. the church is too small for him to be there.#reading a wikihow on how to find people graves. if it wasnt so sad it would almost be funny. he would probably laugh.#going home soon. the light is never on in his old room. the path between our houses is overgrown.#two winters ago i used the front sidewalk to shovel snow from the path. they had already moved. i didnt go inside. i remember it anyway.#hard to go through summer when i will hear his name for an entire month. funny that i was born that month but it was your name.#there isnt a guide on grieving for your childhood best friend but i wish i had gotten something. no one ever talks so why would it change.#so rare we were all at dinner that night. sister couldnt reschedule her sat. missed the funeral. no one told me until the night before#classmates from ccd. didnt expect it. so rare to see boys cry. my first funeral. i didnt bring any tissues. no one told me to. how would i.#wish i had been there again. sitting in your kitchen swinging outside and in the basement. making potions. camping in the drive. sledding.#drafted a tag about going on swings with you again someday. realized it read verbatim my memorial for you. you have to come down.#when i get home ill find your stone wherever it is. ill leave you some coke and mentos. save me a seat for now.#long post#going to bed now. good night.#lee's bullshit
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