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dwyntwo · 2 months

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I don't think in a modern world, the Crows would completely keep to themselves in a college setting like these weirdass Cullens the way it's often depicted.

Like yes, The Crows would be the core group, but let's be honest, Jesper and Inej would be friends with everyone. Jesper would be the type of guy you'd see sitting at every table, chatting and joking with all the guys and gals and being loved by everyone he comes across. He'd talk to the quiet shy people and try to make them feel included and he'd make everyone at his table laugh.

Inej would have deep and meaningful conversations with lots of other girls and try to get to know them in the most unbiased way possible, but her favorite topic would probably be different cultures, religion, food from different places from all around the world, social injustice and travels. When she doesn't have these sorts of discussions, she goofs off with her peers; often that's her crows, often that's Kaz, but often it's also other people. She's blunt and direct and maybe some people have an issue with that, but those aren't people she involves herself with. She trusted some of the girls with her story, which just makes them admire her even more for how strong she is.

Nina would be one of the most well-known and popular girls on the campus, but in a...controversial way. Like she probably wouldn't be as universally loved as Inej and Jesper because she's very...out there, people might think she's a bit radical, she knows how good she looks (and isn't afraid to show it) and has a sense of humor that is a little too direct. Lots of people would love her, but some would then talk behind her back. There would also be sexist dudes who think she's "too much" (sorry, Matty) and "an arrogant bimbo", and girls with internalized misogyny would say she's "too crass" and "trying too hard", but whatever room she enters, she always finds people to talk to.

Matthias would find a few buddies since he often can't relate to Kaz, Wylan and Jesper. He loves them, but the demon boy gets on his nerves occassionally (their peers still laugh about the time when he snapped at Kaz to "Shut up" after he sneezed) and the other two don't have ANY morals, ugh 🙄 His buddies don't even have to be religious; Matthias just wants some NORMAL friends, is that too much to ask? He'd also be liked by the girls as a "big brother" type figure because he looks out for them and often intently listens to conversations about why the girls always carry pepper spray around.

Wylan wouldn't really have that many friends, but his peers like him because of his "shock humor". Like, he's quiet and blushes easily, but then when someone says something stupid or offensive in class, Wylan will suddenly out of nowhere respond with the most witty, unhinged shit they've ever heard. Just for that, they respect him and make him part of their (well meaning) jokes. He's not "invisible", he's also not really "out there", but he's accepted as "one of them" and everyone talks fondly about him. They also accept the fact that he can't read and it probably even makes him more interesting to them.

Kaz (and I'm sorry, but I REFUSE to acknowledge that Kaz would wear a suit on campus. He'd wear a casual black shirt/hoodie and black jeans, fight me. Don't make him more obnoxious than he needs to be 😭 Also, his backstory stays the same!) would, surprisingly, also be liked by most people due to his dry sense of humor and his blunt way to put things. A bunch of others would be intimidated by him, but overall, he'd be one of the more popular ones. Maybe the fact that he's together with Inej has something to do with that, too. He gives off major "Idc who you are and what you've done, we're cool if you don't get on my nerves"- vibes. When the class doesn't know how to solve a task, he's the one they turn to. Kaz IS actually socially intelligent, he just chooses not to be in canon; I mean, the bitch is a theater kid, he can slip into any role, which speaks for his ability to empathize with others. In college he doesn't have much reason to act like a wet cat, so he doesn't. He's not exactly "friendly", he doesn't let anyone get too close, doesn't share anything personal and the "No touching rule" is something most people on campus are aware of, but he still likes to talk to other people and discuss things with them. His peers try to give him THE most difficult riddles they can find, hoping to find one he can't solve, and get frustrated when he knows the answer to all of them. Have I also mentioned that he's a magician? Like come on, people would eat that shit up! Yeah, he's moody, but he also lives for dramatics and performances. You're trying to tell me he WOULDN'T make coins appear and disappear just to see the looks on his peers' faces?

#six of crows #soc #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #nina zenik #kaz brekker #matthias helvar #college au

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queenpiranhadon · 26 days

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Hello! You commented on my post about my dream request so here it goes...

Pro Hero! Dynamite is dating Underground Pro Hero! Y/N. He doesn't know she's a hero, doesn’t even know she has a quirk. She has a "job" where she can travel a lot; a model for Mitsuki & Masura (they know, because parent instincts). Anyway, YN gets sent on a lot of missions with Pro Hero! Deku since he's one of the few who likes working with everybody. Dynamite sees how close they are and is seething, and end ups turning it into a huge fight.

(i woke up at this point but pls make it comfort if you can)

thank you in advance!!��🏾🫶🏾

𖥔 ⎸⎸ 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ⎸⎸ 𖥔

A/N: Idk if this is what you wanted but I loved this prompt so much!! Big thanks to @zanarkandskylines for beta reading and editing this I owe you so much 😭 Here's my masterlist! Divider made by @cafekitsune

Warning(s): f!reader, Katsuki and reader are dating. and they live together, reader is an underground pro hero with a pre-established quirk, mentions of blood, Katsuki thinks reader is cheating on him with Deku, angst to fluff, characters might be a little ooc, mentions of passing out, reader cries a lot, Katsuki does too, Katsuki almost kicks reader out, cursing, Katsuki calls reader princess.

Pairing: Pro Hero! Bakugou Katsuki x Underground Pro Hero! Reader

Shit.

Pain flares up in your abdomen as you try not to think about the blood gushing out of your side, as the taste of iron lines your taste buds, making you want to vomit.

You were on a mission with your close friend and pro hero, Deku, who you consider a friend till the end after endless mission assignments together. Your quirk, Rays, allowed you to control the lighting of any setting you were in- even if it were bright outside, you could plunge anything within a 100-mile radius into complete darkness if you chose to do. Along with that, you could illuminate anything within the same distance in the middle of the night. Your eyes would change colors while your quirk was active, growing lighter and darker with the lighting around you- a feature that allowed you to be hired as a model for Jiyū, a clothing company owned by renowned clothing designers, Mitsuki and Masaru Bakugou. They joked that that lighting always favored you during photoshoots, capturing your eyes in such an alluring way that it was almost like you were the one who made the clothing look exceptional. They’d often drop hints that you would, in fact, be a perfect fit for their hotheaded son. You’d laugh at their insistence, waving off their jokes. They never would guess the reason behind your choice of career path, especially as a secret pro hero.

You were an underground Pro Hero by the name of Sola – specializing in espionage and stealth, a major asset to Pro Hero Deku as you balanced his brute force with elegance and mobility. You loved your job, not ever having to need to be prominent on the Hero charts and found your reward through the knowledge that you were helping others. It was silly, you thought, to sneak around with a secret identity like all the books you read, unlike the Pro Heroes you knew that basked in attention. And even though you didn’t need people fawning over you 24/7, you still had one issue with all the secrecy.

That being your boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugou.

You loved him with your entire heart, and more, as he did you. The both of you got together a few months after the explosive blonde had graduated from UA, your relationship blowing up the tabloids with a bang as he climbed the hero rankings.

You trusted him with your life, and he trusted you with his heart, and yet you couldn’t tell him about your job as an underground pro hero.

This was one of the reasons why.

You hid behind a pillar in the abandoned warehouse you had caught a drug network alongside Pro Hero Deku. The both of you were tracking the pricks for months, coming home late every night with a new excuse to tell Katsuki. You knew it would burden him with worry, choosing to keep your secret hero identity just that - a secret, even from Katsuki. He couldn't worry about you when he had his own job as a Pro Hero to worry about.

Not to mention he wasn’t exactly on the best terms with the greenette you worked with constantly.

The fight ensued, you heard Deku’s grunts and the cracks of bones, no doubt his One for All in usage. You manipulated the light around him, effectively blinding your opponents while giving your partner the advantage of sight.

You were losing blood at a rapid pace, head becoming fuzzy as your body slumps to the floor, giving into the exhaustion from overuse of your quirk.

The last thing you heard before the world turned black was Deku’s triumphant call for you, reporting that all the villains were restrained.

When you woke up, you were in Izuku’s apartment, head hazy and your temples throbbed like they were being stabbed repeatedly by blunt needles.

You got up without a word, thanking Izuku for his hospitality before leaving to go home, brushing off his concerns and walking out his front door.

Anxiety gnawed at you on the taxi ride home, subconsciously fiddling with your shirt to make sure your bandages weren’t visible, and praying to whatever deity was watching over you that Katsuki wouldn’t notice.

You reached your apartment complex, taking a deep breath and settling for a somewhat content look, before inserting your keys into the lock and opening the door, basking in the familiar warmth of your shared home.

Spotting Katsuki at the kitchen stove, you creep up to him and wrap your arms around his waist, to which he stiffens, but you don’t think much of it as you tighten your arms around him.

“I’m home!” You sing, smushing your cheek against him but he says nothing.

Worry works its way through your mind, wondering why he wasn’t responding, until his gruff voice snaps you back into focus.

“Where were you.” he says, phrasing it like a statement, not a question.

Your heart drops into the pit of your stomach- does he know? Did Izuku tell him?

Wh-what?” A nervous laugh escapes you. Had you been caught? “I told you, I was in the US -”

“Cut the bullshit.” he snaps, and you let go of him – you can physically feel your heart snap in two. “Where. were. You."

“I...” you trail off, the words caught in your throat, willing the tears that threatened to spill not to fall.

You both stand there, wordless, staring at his eyes, full of pain.

“You never even loved me, did you?” he says, voice cracking full of emotion, your eyes widening.

“Katsuki no- I" You try to explain, but he cuts you off, the pounding in your head returning with the new rush of emotions.

“Just stop. Please. Leave and never come back.” He spits out, tears finally dripping down his face. “Go fucking be happy with shitty Deku because obviously he’s a better fucking boyfriend than me.”

He thought you were cheating on him. Those late nights coming home, prolonged trips without explanation- god you were so stupid.

You rush towards him, mind racing as you try to explain, try to fix things. You couldn’t lose him, you couldn’t- it would destroy you in ways unimaginable.

And yet, he pushed you away forcefully, making you cry out in pain as he contacts your wound in your side.

He almost stops breathing when he sees the blood, your blood, on his hands.

You panic, and he grabs you by the shoulders, lifting your shirt up to reveal the bandage wrapped around your torso that the blood managed to seep through.

“Kats-”

“Who fucking hurt you.” he growls, low and feral- all resentment from the previous conversation melting away with the realization that you weren’t with Deku – or at least in the way he thought.

“I’m an Underground Pro Hero.” You whisper, a desperate attempt to mask your feelings as you curl into yourself. You can’t risk looking up at Katsuki and seeing his reaction.

“You what- fuck, you have a quirk?!” He looks at you, eyes wide.

You nod hesitantly, his vermilion stare meeting your own, attempting to assess what else you could be hiding from him.

“I wasn’t allowed to tell you- the Commision wouldn’t let me, I wanted to tell you so bad Katsuki, but I knew you had so much on your plate, and I didn’t want to bother you, and-” you break down, Katsuki cutting you off as he encircles you in his arms, consoling you silently, letting your distraught form melt into his embrace.

Heaving sobs turned into choking cries, which dwindled into sniffles that lead to silence. You’d drifted off, cried yourself into a sleepy daze while he carefully cradled you in the kitchen. His own guilt ate away at him- he understood your situation, the Commission was as unsympathetic to a hero’s situation as the League was to anything. But it still hurt, that stupid Deku knew about your status as a Pro Hero before he did. He shook his head, dispersing his feelings. He hated himself for his words, for assuming the worst and thinking you were capable of doing something so low. Running his fingertips over your bandages gingerly, a pang of worry struck through him. He wiped the tears off his face, and then yours, lifting your sleeping form and headed for your bedroom.

Right now, he needed to take care of you.

Changing you out of your clothes, he settles you into one of your favorite worn out shirts of his, tucking you into bed before getting ready to sleep himself.

He joins you in bed, heaving a shaky breath after everything, wrapping his arms around you, one hand placed on the back of your head and the other on the small of your back, holding you against his chest like you were made of porcelain - too scared to let you go, but scared of breaking you, too.

“Goodnight, princess.”

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entomjinx · 10 months

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Luffy and his perception of love

Small thing from twitter because twitter is exploding and I realized I never posted it here. Inspired by my urge to subvert expectations and this post:

Luffy's perception of what it means to be loved may be warped by all he's been through. His own love is pretty much unconditional, and he cares so deeply for others. However, when it comes to being loved himself-

He thinks he has to earn it via fighting or persistance.

Before I delve into individual characters, I'd like to acknowledge that Luffy is probably the most emotionaly intelligent person in the manga, but also that trauma can affect how a person views themself, leading them to hold themselves to higher/different standards than others.

Let's start with Garp. Garp constantly puts him through training as a child and tells him he must be a marine. He uses his "fists of love" on him to try and make him obey. The one time we see Garp look even remotely affectionate is when he thinks Luffy will become a marine, only for him to get even angrier upon Luffy declaring he wants to be pirate king. He also left him alone in the jungle all the time, and even threw him down a ravine.

Dadan makes a point of loudly declaring she doesn't want them around, which is an obvious lie to the audience, but not as much to the kids. The "If you don't hunt, you don't eat," rule in the mountain bandit's hideout also helps reinforced that important things (food, love) must be earned.

Luffy followed Ace around for three months, being hit with attacks meant to seriously injure him so that he'd be forced to stop following. Many of those attacks may have killed him were he not made of rubber. When he caught up to Ace and met Sabo, they threatened to kill him for knowing about the treasure. Instead, they leave him behind for Porchemy to find.

They spent all that time moving their treasure because they expected Luffy to tell Porchemy it's location. Instead, Luffy went through several hours of torture and refused to speak. If not for this, Ace and Sabo wouldn't have let him be their friend, let alone call him brother and love him. (and while we, the audience, know that Luffy might have broken through to them another way, Luffy doesn't. He would think that not giving into the torture is the biggest part of why he was allowed to be their friend, and later brother.)

He had to blackmail Zoro into joining the crew at first, and Zoro threatened to make him commit hara kiri (suicide via disembowlment with a blade) should Luffy get in the way of his dream to be the greatest swordsman.

He had to free Nami from Arlong for her to join the crew for real.He argued with Sanji at every turn until he wore him down (I refuse your refusal). Robin didn't call him (or anyone) by name until post Enies Lobby, choosing to only refer to him as "Captain."

He saved the lives of most of them, or offered them a way to complete their dreams.

He fights tooth and nail to gain their trust and friendship, because he thinks that they love him the way he loves them if he doesn't. Which could be a major part of why the strawhat grand feet's willingness to follow him confuses him. We know he values freedom above all else, and that he wants them to do what they want, but he still doesn't understand why that choice was following him... because he hasn't done enough to earn that.

Yes, they were all involved in the chaos that was Dressrosa, but that doesn't equal loyaty to that degree.

If it did, Law would finally admit they were friends, and not just allies. Hence his continued insistance of friendship and even though Law says they'll be enimies in the future at the end of Wano, Luffy ignores it. He knows it'll just take so more persistance, because that's what's worked in the past. Growing up in the Gray Terminal would have taught Luffy that people who are nice right off the bat or who suddenly switch to being nice probably want something from you, and while he is canon attitude leads him to not care most of the time, he's definitely aware of it. So he expects people who will eventually care for real to be meaner at first. as if "Real love is always earned and never just given" is a true statement in his mind.

On top of all this, Luffy hates being alone. So of course he fights so hard for these friendships, for the love that he has for his crew and friends... because without them, he'd be alone. What other choice does he have?

#monkey d luffy #one piece #one piece luffy #luffy one piece #one piece headcanons #I'll reblog this with the little lawlu blurb I added to it in case someone wants the shipless version #so they can use it for their own ships or platonic interactions #or more theories #go wild with this.#have fun

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radioisntdead · 11 days

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Hihihi

I read the request you wrote for lucifer, and it made me so happy!!!!

And, I do have one more request, could you maybe generally write for the hazbin group finding out the readers cause of death being from a roller coaster, and them not knowing who they are? (Could it maybe be a song fic using the ballad of Jane doe?)

A platonic angel dust fic with the reader talking(singing) about their previous family and / or life? Along with them breaking down at the end, with a small bit of comfort from angel dust? (Dead mom from beetle juice)

You can choose either or, it doesn't really matter to me :)

With love,

-Xin 💙

Good evening my dear! So glad to have you sending in another request,

I AM A MAJOR RIDE THE CYCLONE FAN, I FORCED MY BEST FRIEND TO WATCH IT WITH ME AND GOT EM' HOOKED ON IT, I WATCHED IT AS I WROTE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CRIED IT IS A GREAT MUSICAL, I GREATLY RECOMMEND IT, IT'S ALLEGEDLY ON YOUTUBE

Reader much like Jane Doe is going to be a doll, I like to call this, reader having a lil existential crisis during a trust exercise turned life stories sharing time.

Also I'll tag you like I did last time! @fuck-this-shit-xin

The fallen saint

People who live in the hazbin hotel x gn reader

Warnings!

Death, decapitation, dolls, I am still terrified of dolls why did I add them? I don't know, accidentally implied underage drinking but the reader isn't underage, reader and Angel are very loosely implied to be besties because yes

Ballad of Jane doe

You came to the hotel confused and scared, you found a flyer that advertised and you thought that it'd be better then the chaos in the other parts of hell.

You didn't remember much about your life, just that you died from a rollercoaster accident with your friends? Classmates? Family? You didn't remember,

The last thing you remember was someone clutching your hand saying something that was muffled over the screams before a sharp piece of metal sliced your throat and you saw the sky.

Sometimes you get glimpses of life before, school uniforms, arcades, lights, someone saying a muffled name, holding you, smiling at you.

Who were they? A friend? Family?

You wish you knew.

Charlie was the most sympathetic to your situation, embracing you with open arms into the hotel, imagine not knowing who you were? Well you didn't have to imagine.

You were practically a clean slate, perfect for redemption no matter what you did in the past, because you weren't that person anymore.

Charlie had organized a trust exercise that had pinwheeled into mild drunken shenanigans venting about life and how they lived before they died, Husk had revealed that he apparently had a child somewhere that caused a small commotion of "YOU HAD A WHAT-" and that turned into Sir Pentious saying he missed his son,

Niffty brought up some guy she was obsessed with while alive that may or may not have died it wasn't clear, Vaggie revealed small, very small parts about her life in heaven and being an exorcist, Angel dust brought up his family that was in hell and his twin sister Molly who was the only one to go above, and even Alastor was in the conversation talking about his mother and what a wonderful mother she was.

And then it came to you, cradling a alcoholic beverage.

"I wish I knew what my life was like, like What did I do end up down here? I mean I know I died because of a rollercoaster but I don't think that was a sin." You said your fingers circling your glass, Angel dust patting your shoulder in support.

"I'm sure it wasn't anything that bad"

"You probably set orphanages on fire, I can see you doing that" Niffty chimed in staring into your soul

"Niffty what the hell."

You took a breath as music began to play, one of the things you don't expect in death is that everything becomes a musical.

"Some might say we're release, pushing daisies, deceased,"

You place the glass you were holding onto the table in front of you before standing up from the couch you wrapped your arms around yourself.

"But we all know the worms must be fed,"

"And They're singing." Husk muttered taking a swig of his drink as he was told to hush.

"There's just one lingering fear, Oh my soul, is it here?"

It was a silly question but was it? Most Hellborn supposedly didn't have souls but they were still alive in someway, was it the same case with you? Is that why you couldn't remember? Was your soul back on earth where you perished?

You let one of your hands drift up to your neck, feeling the thread stitching that kept your head attached to your neck, it was slightly lighter then the rest of your body, reminiscent of a dolls.

"Or is it rotting somewhere with my head?"

The people you mostly considered friends [Alastor was on a thin line of friend or weird smiley guy that lived in the hotel] watched you pace around.

"Oh my soul"

Who were you?

"Oh my soul"

What did you do? What didn't you do?

''Oh my soul''

What regrets did you have? Did you live life to the fullest? Who did you love, who did you cherish? Did you have friends? Family? Who were they?

"Oh my soul''

"Ooh...Ooh...Ahh...Ahh... ah''

You missed people you didn't even remember,

Were you loved? Hated?

Did someone miss you? Who did you die with? What did you do to end up here? Did you kill someone? Did you set an orphanage on fire like Niffty suggested?

The people that appeared in your dreams, who's faces were blurred, that would disappear when you tried to reach out to them, were they real or were they just from your dreaming state?

"Oh no soul, and no name"

Everyone had come up with their own nickname for you, typically something related to dolls like doll, Dollface, Dolly, Raggedy Ann, Raggedy Andy or Chucky etc

That last one was from Husk.

you didn't mind it but you desperately wanted to know what your name was, did you get to choose it? Or was it given to you? Did you like it? Did you want to change it? Did you go by a nickname instead? Was it long? Was it short? Was it fancy or simple? Were you named after someone? Oh how you desperately wished to know.

"And no story, what a shame.."

Was your life exciting? Dull? Did you wish for something more?

"Cruel existence was only a sham?"

Dying in a rollercoaster accident was odd, insane and tragic, you showed up in hell with a uniform, were you a student? Did you attend some weird uniform requiring college? You died with others you knew them didn't you? Did you die with strangers or did you die with people you knew?

Tears swelled in your glassy, shiny doll-like eyes

"Oh Saint Peter, let me in!"

Charlie and Vaggie shared a look, recalling the whole welcome to heaven thing and him straight up moaning in song.

"You must know where I've been, Won't you tell me at last who I am?"

You could bare it, being in hell, it was horrible because it was hell but everyone else knew who they were, somewhat, they had a name that they chose or got, they had some semblemblance of an identity,

So why didn't you?

"Who I am,"

It wasn't fair, it really wasn't

"Who I am"

Everyone in the room knew who they were, they remembered their lives or in Charlie's case her life so far.

"Who I am"

You didn't ask for much, you helped out at the hotel, you gleefully participated in the exercises, you were a decent person, at least now you were if you weren't before.

"Who I am"

Would you get your memories back if you went to heaven?

"Ooh...Ooh...Ahh...Ahh... ah"

Or would you completely lose your memories again, would you have to start all over again?

You didn't want to forget the folks in the hazbin hotel, they were your friends right?

Right?

It'd be one thing if you lost your memories here but it'd be just cruel if you lost them again, you didn't want to lose them again you desperately clung to the glimpses you got of the past, you needed to keep the memories of the present.

"And from the ground, beneath my feet, I hear the anguish of the street"

You glanced outside the window, people were doing whatever they did, someone was actively getting stabbed they probably remembered who they were.

"A choir never complete"

Something flashed in your head

You died in a choir, you were apart of a choir,

You were apart of something, you sung with them, were you all close? Were you like family?

Where were they? Would they recognize you if they saw you now?

Would they? Would you recognize them? Would all your memories come rushing back in an instant like in the movies?

"And like an old forgotten tune, a song that no one knows..."

A appeared in your arms, a doll that had been gifted to you by Angel dust for a day they had dubbed your birthday, they threw you a party and everything, confetti, balloons, cake, you got a few gifts that you treasured, from Charlie, sir Pentious, hell even Alastor gave you a weird doodle of you that laid with the other gifts.

You held it close to you.

"Forgot how it goes, just John, Jane and me"

You didn't name the doll John or Jane, you didn't know a John or a Jane, or maybe you did? Anyways you carried it around with you, finding it as a source of comfort for when your friends weren't nearby

"Forever eternally, Doll Doe"

You hugged the doll tighter as a tear slipped slid down your doll-like face,

You were angry, what had you done to deserve this? You should at least know what condemned you here? What sin was so bad to warrant this?

"And I'm askin' why lord,"

The effects kicked in as the room went darker as your voice raised, desperation, confusion.

"If this is how I die, lord"

Why couldn't you have a normal death at least! Did anyone even find your head? Was it eaten by animals? Did it hit some poor person trying to have a fun day at the amusement park?

"Why be left with no family"

The hotel residents began to develop a found family relationship, and you were apart of it, you loved it but, what was your family from before like? Did you even have one?

"And no friends?"

Assuming no one you knew had fallen down below, you didn't die alone but you came alone while the others had ascended to above.

"Ooh."

Background vocals came in out of nowhere lowkey freaking out some of your friends, Vaggie had already gotten her spear ready to Incase, of something maybe if the voices decided to attack

"I've got no celebration, just this consolation,"

Did you even have a funeral? Was it closed casket? Who attended?

"Time eats all his children, In the end"

You had questions and you wanted answers.

"Ahhh..."

Freaky disembodied background vocals

"A melody floats through the air, when silence falls, does no one care?"

You were human once, you didn't care what genre your life fell into, comedy, horror, tragedy, thriller, if you played the role of a villain or a hero, a funny side character, you just wanted to know

"Does anyone care?"

Where were the background vocals coming from, they were freaky.

"Another sad, forgotten tune"

Your story laid forgotten, abandoned on some bookshelf like a book a teenager brought thinking they'd like it but they couldn't even make it past the first page so it lays, rotting away.

"Another song that no one knows"

You wanted to go back, you wanted to live your life again, you didn't know what it entailed but you would do anything, make a deal, throw whatever afterlife you had away.

"So that's how it goes!''

No, you would keep the afterlife you were given, you cherished the memories you've made here.

"Just John, Jane and me"

Your life was cut short wasn't it? What didn't you get to experience, what didn't your choir experience?

Why did you all have to die that day? Why did the rollercoaster have to derail, why didn't they check it?

"Forever eternally, Dollface Doe"

"And she's asking why, lord?"

The disembodied voices were in all honesty a nice touch to the song, still freaky though especially since was now dolls scattered around the area, is that where the voices were coming from?

"Why, oh why, oh why, oh why...?"

Why?

You were the one who convinced your choir to go on the rollercoaster, you begged them offering to buy them snacks after,

They agreed, you didn't know.

Was that the thing that condemned you here??

"This is no way to die, lord!"

At least getting decapitated by a rollercoaster made for a good conversation starter, probably.

"No one to sing, no one to sigh"

You only got glimpses, sometimes a nostalgic feeling for something you couldn't remember no matter how desperately you wanted too.

"Now that all is said and done"

Life had ended, afterlife had only begun,

You couldn't go back, no matter what you did, even if you sold your soul, a soul you weren't sure you even had anymore.

"Isn't there anyone to tell me who I am?"

You were turned away from your friends, you didn't want to see the pitying face some of them probably had.

"No singing songs of celebration''

Were you someone who liked to party? A homebody? Were you a sweetheart? Did people say you had a heart of stone,

"Just this sorry speculation"

You could try and force yourself to remember but in the best case scenario you could get a glimpse and a headache, and the worse case you'd be left clutching your doll trying to comfort yourself with a horrible headache.

"Like John and Jane I'll be eternally"

Maybe you should give up on trying to figure out who you were, try to forget that you ever lived before this.

"A forgotten name, some lost refrain"

If anything, you didn't have to have your memories back completely, if you could just remember your name.

"Just 'Doll' "

You closed your eyes, clutching the doll.

"Dolly..."

The freaky dolls that appeared sneaked close, Vaggie stabbed one like a doll kabob

"Doe!"

You twirled and landed back in your seat, you leaned to the table to grab your drink again, intending to down it as the dolls finished your lament.

"A melody floats through the air, when silence falls, does no one care?"

The room began to lighten back up again as the creepy little dolls poofed away one by one, including the kabobbed one.

"Doll Doe."

You got a hug from a tearful Charlie and a two handed headpat from Angel since he couldn't really do anything else since you were trapped in Charlie's hug.

Charlie would later note that it was a successful trust exercise since everyone including you had opened up a little bit, you felt relieved to get that lament of yours off your chest, it didn't change much but breaking out in song was oddly therapeutic, you guessed that's why others did it so often!

Would you ever regain your memories? You didn't know, but for now you would try to remember anything from your past while making new memories with your friends at the Hazbin hotel.

Good evening folks! thank you for tuning on in, this has gotta be one of my favorite songfics to write to date, AGAIN I REALLY RECOMMEND RIDE THE CYCLONE, thank you for tuning in I hope you enjoyed! Goodnight folks!

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel reader insert

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captainofthetidesbreath · 8 months

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There's something incredible and skillful on Travis' part about how little Nathaniel actually directly says about suspicions of institutional weaknesses in Candela and how in the conversation in the carriage, he doesn't really directly lodge any serious accusations against Candela—the others all do, and Marion even encourages Nathaniel to be less hesitant and hedging in his verbiage. Travis as Nathaniel bolded and italicized, just for highlighting:

BRENNAN: They told the kid she was dead? TRAVIS: Yes. BRENNAN: How sick do you got to be where you go, "Hey, we got to break it to the kid soft. Just tell them she's dead." LUIS: Right? I guess there's things worse than dead. I guess. Well, clearly we know there's things that are worse than dying, but. TRAVIS: I know there's an amount of trust we all have with this organization. We see what we're fighting against. We know what sort of evil there is in the world, not just the kind that we make. But-- LUIS: But they withhold a lot. TRAVIS: It feels that way. LUIS: It is that way. Would you have risked everything we did for what they explained was in that container? A creature that's used to get people high? That's all there is to that. ZEHRA: There-- Marion, if I may, there may be-- It's deeply disappointing to understand that money seems to move a lot of these organizations through the world. There may have been monetary gain that Candela was trying to prevent by stopping the androphage transfer. There are certain groups that would pay a great sum for it. All I'm saying is maybe Candela isn't immune to some of these capital gains. MARISHA: Well, look. Any institution, even an institution that stands up against institutions, well, I mean they're not immune from their own organizational flaws. However, I would still like to believe that out of all of the other capitalistic and governmental factions that rule our day-to-day lives that hopefully we're choosing the one lesser evil. TRAVIS: Ms. Monroe. Beatrix. You've been with the organization longer than any, and I've looped my men into this with a certain amount of trust. Have you ever seen anyone marked by bleed changed? Have you ever seen them made whole, amended? MARISHA: I tend to find sometimes the best route is to just keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. Oftentimes you'll learn far more than what people can tell you. We've all been touched by bleed, whether we want to accept that or not. No, I guess, to answer your question, not to, what it sounds, the severity of Allison's level was. But I would still like to believe that that's why we're fighting. You certainly had no problems standing up and calling out the organization to Mr. Kingsley. Which is a little bit surprising, I got to say, Nathaniel, for someone who's quite the institutional man himself. TRAVIS: Force of habit, I'm afraid. ZEHRA: Well, speaking of Mr. Kingsley, what did he mean when he said it was someone above his head who made the decision to tell Lucas, was it, the boy? TRAVIS: Lucas. ZEHRA: That his mother was dead? Someone above a Lightkeeper's head. LUIS: Everybody answers to somebody else. BRENNAN: I don't know if that's true. I guess there's got to be a few people don't answer to anybody.

Generally, the way Travis handles Nathaniel's exposition in the carriage is blisteringly efficient on an informational and emotional level without ever feeling heavy-handed, but I think this sowing seeds of doubt in an institution (which seems to be a major theme in this chapter) is very skillful in its subtlety. Given that he's emotionally close to this incident and is a character conceptualized around corruptions and abuses of power, Nathaniel is unexpectedly spare in this sequence of exchanges, most significantly only delivering a set-up and pulling Beatrix in. He interestingly takes more of a listening role in this sequence, despite the fact that he is delivering almost all information and doing most of the thematic set-up.

His accusations are few and the ones he makes are mild and hesitant. The most he directly says is an interrupted "but" that leaves a hanging implication. But that tiny crack drives everyone else to start speculating about the whys and hows and whats of what is going on, and it feels very natural and is very skillful. Nathaniel clearly has his doubts and his experiences and doubts are the center of this conversation, but by holding off on actually voicing them directly, it gives everyone else space to guess at where he's going and leaves it open for others to contribute.

It's really skillful work as a player and a scene partner, especially as someone who is setting up the episode's plot and seeding what feels like may be one of the major themes of this chapter about institutional distrust and power and capital.

#Candela Obscura #Candela things #Candela spoilers #long post for ts #Circle of Needle and Thread

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hello-nichya-here · 1 month

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Do you like any of Lucrezia and Cesare's other love interests or do you only ship them with each other?

As usual, I gotta turn what could be a simple answer into an unnecessarily long rant.

All of Lucrezia's boring love interests and why I don't truly ship her with any of them

Okay, so despite the title, I don't think ALL of her love interests are boring... to the same degree. All of them made me roll my eyes and wish for their scenes to be over faster at some point, but some far less than others, and most of them actually had an impact on Lucrezia's growth as a character.

Djem

He was her first (non-incestuous) love. He is a painfully naive guy, and each time he and Lucrezia were being flirty it felt more like two children playing house - yes, even when he's talking about men being allowed to have as many women as they want, and the different rules for beating a wife VS beating a concubine.

He's trapped in a fantasy of having a peaceful, good life when he gets to Rome - no political intrigues, no one being murdered horribly, no one being two-faced. He's basically Lucrezia's prince charming. A handsome young man from a mysterious, foreign land, being all kind and sweet and obviously into her - with intentions so pure they never even kiss.

But his role in the story is literally to die by the hands of the people he now trusted wanted to be his family, so the Borgias could have more money. He's more of a means to an end than he is a character.

His death represents the first major confirmation that Lucrezia's life (and romances) will be filled with sorrow, and that will kill whatever innocence she once had, and while that's fine foreshadowing, it doesn't really make me wish he had lived longer and actually had a relationship with Lucrezia. And more importantly, it sets up the prescedent for Lucrezia to only go for men that are SUPER docile - to the point that's pretty much their only personality trait.

Paolo

While Lucrezia is being abused by her husband, Paolo is there for comfort her, give her a reason to survive, help her injure her husband greatly so he's confined to a bed and unable to harm her, and, yes, he is the one to first show her what a proper romance and consensual sex is like.

Lucrezia likes him because he's sweet and innocent, much like she once was, and she wants to experience that again through him - and those traits are what make her feel he's not a threat to her like her husband. And again, while that's fine as a theme in the narrative, it makes him just a slight variation of Djem's character - or rather of Lucrezia's need for her love interest not to have a spine, so she doesn't have to wonder if she'll one day be abused again. I pity them, but I don't want them together.

To make matters worse, because Paolo is a nobody in the grand scheme of things, he and Lucrezia could never be together - and not only is she aware of it, she made her peace with it, even if she wishes things were different. That's why she tells him never to return to Rome, meaning he'd never see her or their son again, for the sake of his survival - and then he is murdered anyway because Lucrezia's whole tragedy as a character is "Innocence inevitably dies" and since she only ever chooses generic innocent men as lovers, she's basically setting herself up for failure in each new romance.

Raffaello (And Calvino)

If Djem was the representation of Lucrezia's innocence while it still existed in her, and Paolo was her grieving it, Raffaello is the representation that she is a Borgia and will do as she pleases - and that her bad taste in men reached a new low that I don't think could ever be out-matched.

The guy is just boring, to the point that I didn't even remember his name. He's the generic artistic man that Lucrezia is actively lying to just to get in his pants - and the only reason she even wants to have an affair with him in the first place is because she's both deliberately trying to sabotage her father's plan to marry her off again. That's why she wants the unimportant brother instead of the relevant one, Calvino, who is there just so she has an excuse to be close to the one she's into AND because she liked her mom's idea of just having both brothers for herself just to prove she can - and then cast them aside once she's had her fun and thrill is gone.

These "relationships" are just so Lucrezia can experience being spoiled and demanding something she knows she can't have, and doesn't even truly want or need, solely because she was told "No, you can't have this."

It really is no wonder she doesn't really care when both brothers leave. The engagement and affair were never truly about them, but about Lucrezia saying "Screw you, dad, you're not selling me out to the first gross man you find!"

Alfonso

I'd say Alfonso was the one that was the closest to actually working as romantic pair for Lucrezia. He's personality is almost identical to the the copy-paste of all her love interests and he can be one hell of a pushover, but there's a playfulness to their early interactions, they have genuinely good chemistry on scene in which they nearly consumate their marriage, and he's HIGHLY amusing when he gets sick of being controled (and cucked) and just becomes a mess of a person ruining Cesare's day - it was stupid and got him killed, but he earned lots of extra points just by being the only one of Lucrezia's love interests who looked the Borgias in the face and told them to just man up and get rid of him already instead of hiding behind political schemes and manipulation.

But now matter how much he genuinely cared for Lucrezia and how sweet he could be, and how she clearly trusted him, his devotion would just never hold a candle to Cesare's, and simply lacked that Borgia ambition and ferocity that Lucrezia needed to truly be satisfied in a relationship.

That's why in season 2 she agrees when Cesare says she finally has a good man, yet in season three she reminds him that she could be married a thousand times and it'd always be the wrong husband, because she doesn't just want good - she wants her brother, because only a Borgia can truly love a Borgia.

Okay, now that we're done with Lucrezia's boy-toys, lets talk about Cesare's side-chicks.

The woman that exists solely to be stalked by Cesare

Ursula, Ursula... I never liked her. At all.

She didn't really do anything that made me see her as a bad or unlikeable person - but the whole point of her is that, from Cesare's point of view, she's not really a person, she's the object of his "affection" (unhinged obsession).

In his head, he's the brave, bold hero that killed the monster that tormented her, and was then rewarded with her undying love and, of course, sex - what he desperately wishes he could have done when Lucrezia was forced to get married to a man that would end up abusing her, and will be far away, where Cesare cannot protect her. It's no surprise that Ursula was introduced during said wedding.

From her point of view though, she's a woman who was trapped in a bad marriage to an awful man, thought she had found an honrable savior that was risking his own life out of love for her, only to then realize that he was actually a manipulative, violent, frightening monster that told her pretty lies and half-truths to seduce her and then murdered her (admitedly not innocent) husband to make sure nothing would stand on his way.

When she ends the relationship and literally becomes a nun to attone for her sin of adultery/being the reason her husband died, Cesare refuses to accept it. He corners, harasses, and even manhandles her. He never full on forces himself onto her, but there's nothing about her behavior that could suggest his attempts of courtship/reconciliation are in anyway wanted. She's terrified of him, ashamed of their affair, and wants him to leave her alone. She says as much, repeatedly - sometimes with tears in her face, cowering before him like she's bracing herself for a violent beating, full on sexual assault, or even for Cesare to just slit her throat.

Then, she dies horribly when an army attacks the nunnery she's at, raping and killing her. Cesare avenges her... and that's it. He never thinks of her again, and we never find out anything about her other than "She was constantly being victimized by bad men."

I feel sorry for her, but I don't really connect with her character because she didn't have any, and I REALLY don't like how Cesare acted towards her. All the selfishness, entitlement and downright cruelty that he would rather die than inflict upon Lucrezia he unleashed upon Ursula without a second thought - and like I said, she was not into it in the slightest, so this couldn't even be turned into a "dark, unhealthy, dysfunctional, terrying romance", at least for me.

There's simply nothing to like here.

Cesare's wife and how she was almost interesting

Charlotte had potential to be a cool character. She's clever and just looking out for herself, but she's not cruel or all that ambitious. She and Cesare clearly liked each other and enjoyed sleeping together, and she appreciates that he is making an effort - but like Cesare said, love is not an issue between them because they both know it won't happen and neither of them expects or even wants it from the other.

She's Cesare's wife due to convenience. It's a mutually benefitial agreement, not a marriage in the romantic sense. It's an interesting dynamic that can be functional, but doesn't really make me root for them because it deliberately lacks the main part of romance.

And unfortunately, she shows up in one episode, gets a passing mention some time later, and that's it. She exists to give Cesare the political claim he wanted, nothing more. He can enjoy her company when she's around, but when they're apart from each other he seems to completely forget she existed - and even though I remembered the character, I did not remember the name, because she's simply not that important.

Catherina Sforza and why she's the only one I actually like

Catherina Sforza is VERY different from all the other temporary love interests above for the simple fact that she is a fully actualized character that has a role in the story besides being just another temporarely delay to the incest couple everyone is rooting for.

She's cunning, proud, manipulative and ambitious - much like the Borgias. She and Cesare have a gruding respect/admiration for each other, and her seduction of him is both a ceasefire and her distracting him from his goals, trapping him in her little game for her own amusement, getting the upper hand on him... and then also submiting to him in bed. They're all about that power-play/struggle.

It's entertraining and it's HOT, and in some alternate universe where Lucrezia didn't exist, I could see Cesare and Catherina's short-lived fling becoming a proper affair that would last months or even years - before it'd inevitably end with one of them poisoning the other that is.

So yeah, I really like this ship, even if it can never have the literal soulmate kind of love Cesare and Lucrezia had.

#asks #cesare x lucrezia #the borgias

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butmakeitgayblog · 2 months

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Omg that starlet sloooow burn. I love it so so much. I have more of a logistical question- 2 houses yet they’re together. How do they choose which one to sleep at that night? Is there a set schedule like MWF? is there a favorite house? Do they have 2 of everything? i live in LA (I’m so cal anon btw) and the paparazzi photos you see of celebs eating at a restaurant, etc. they’re mostly taken at places where people go to be seen. You go to a quieter town over from Beverly Hills, los feliz, etc. it’s much more low key. Less likely that people make a fuss over a celeb if they’re even recognized. So my next Q is, do they go out on dates? Or is it always at home or a private location? No beach time for these two unless they rent a house somewhere?

Ayyyyy so cal anon 😘

So yeah, they basically live at Lexa's because she has an actual house rather than an apartment. It's just easier, more private, less nosy neighbors etc. Clarke's apartment is much less inconspicuously located. In all their years together, Lexa goes there maybe???? a dozen times. And usually only if there's other people invited for some kind of get together. Because no one would notice Clarke taking a private driver out to Lexa's neighborhood, but they absolutely would noticed Lexa coming and going from Clarke's high-end apartment building. So Clarke's place is mostly off limits to Lexa. They really do run that tight of a ship on this.

But Lexa's place is, exactly like you said, outside of that bubble of Hollywood and offers more of a cloak of privacy. And not only that, it definitely becomes their home. Yes, Clarke keeps the apartment and yes, she sleeps there from time to time - generally only when Lexa's away for work or there's an extended conflict of schedules - but overall "Lexa's house" is actually their house. The majority of their lives is spent there, and Clarke's place is a glorified crash pad that doubles as an alibi.

It's also really helpful because, again like you said, being somewhat removed from the spotlight and grind set of LA offers more privacy in their everyday lives. Still, they don't leave things up to chance. If they go out, it's almost always in a group. They may not be the most well-known actresses, but they're still very well known, and even lowkey spots could give them away. They'll grab coffee together every once in awhile or maybe a lunch in a particularly quiet spot, but other than that if they step out it's with 3 or more tagging along. Of course it's even nicer with the simplicity of stepping out with two other closeted industry men, because that's almost the ideal. The getting to actually enjoy being on a date and knowing it looks like a date.

Doesn't matter who any potential observing eyes assume that date actually is.

Vacations however are always taken in groups, and never under their names. Beach visits, island getaways, ski resorts, rented houses that allow them to share their own private room. It's a lot, and often frustrating, but those are just the rules that they set for their relationship. And they stick by them, and never let themselves deviate. But over the years they do surround themselves with people who they trust and who know about them, and give them the protection and space to be happy in private. They give Clarke and Lexa the chance to enjoy being together while being out, without... being out.

#so cal anon #starlet au #thet tried a few times in the beginning to be just be lowkey but it caused more anxiety than anything #so that was quickly stopped

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tangledbea · 11 months

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Why does everybody hate Cassandra’s arc in season 3?

Well, not literally everyone hates it. Lots of people think it's really good. I don't like to generalize and say that "everyone" feels a certain way about anything.

But what a lot of people don't like comes from a few different directions, often coming together in the center into a hot mess. I'll do my best to recall all the biggest complaints. (Under a readmore, because it's kind of long and I don't want to subject people to it if they don't want to see it.)

It's incredibly out of character for her to blindly trust a stranger who won't reveal their name to her. She mentions several times during the course of the series that she doesn't trust people (especially people she's only just met), but Zhan Tiri wouldn't even tell her who she was, and Cassandra just decided that what this strange ghost child in a weird and dangerous house had to say was more important that a friendship built over the course of a few years, even if that friendship was currently strained.

Her rancor was poorly sourced. There were legitimately several things Cassandra could have been mad about, even directed at Rapunzel. But being mad at Rapunzel for Gothel choosing to kidnap her and abandon Cassandra was an unsympathetic way to go. She sang a whole song about not wanting to be second best anymore, about always waiting for her time to shine. But that entire story beat was thrown out the window in the face of "I am Gothel's biological daughter". She had one (1) glorious line of, "I'm not taking orders from you anymore!" and then all of that was put to rest in favor of, "My mom abandoned me, so I'm going to blame the abuse victim that she kidnapped."

She kept talking about her destiny, but didn't seem to have any goals beyond "be first over Rapunzel." She never even said what it was her "destiny" to do or be. She wanted to take over Corona? And then what? It's not like this was some long-standing desire of hers. Which leads me to

Cassandra spend the majority of her life defining herself as strong-willed, distrustful, and thinking for herself. But they decided that Zhan Tiri could get into her head as easy as that and start full-on manipulating her from the word "go," and that we'd all just handwave it away and accept that Cassandra was doing villainous things because she was being manipulated. Well, nay, I say. Cassandra was an adult with her own mind, and manipulation isn't as instantaneous as that. They didn't even try to portray it like they did with Rapunzel and Sugracha as complete magical mind control. No, it was Cassandra being given choices and choosing the things that would benefit her and/or hurt other people over and over and over again. But we're supposed to be sympathetic towards her.

She assaulted and kidnapped people, attempting to kill Rapunzel or at very least leave her for dead multiple times, then was surprised to find out she was the villain. And honestly, that surprise does a lot to make me dislike her villain arc. I love me a villain who thrives off their villainy, who revels in it, like she did at the beginning of "Cassandra's Revenge." And even villains like that can be redeemed. But people who choose violence and revenge and hate and are then surprised that they're the villain don't impress me.

Her redemption was rushed, crammed into the last twenty minutes of the series - her realization and apology was literally given about a minute of time - and she only realized she was wrong when she lost. Up until the moment Zhan Tiri wrestled the Moonstone away from her, Cassandra was convinced that she was going to win the day. As soon as she was powerless, she was sorry. And then, she was forgiven by everyone because she was forgiven by Rapunzel.

And things that don't go on the list because enough people disagree with them, or because they don't exactly line up with "why we dislike her villain arc" but are still things that bug me, personally:

That Gothel was her mother at all. I hate that plot point. It's stupid, lazy, and makes no sense.

That her arm getting burned and disfigured was just... dropped as a plot point. We don't know if having the Moonstone was supposed to heal it, or if she'd sufficiently rehabilitated it on the road enough for it not really to bother her anymore, but the showrunner literally said that they decided it wasn't important anymore, so dropped it.

#Tangled #Tangled the Series #Cassandra #TTS #Answered

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mswyrr · 6 months

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^^ Well said. I delayed reading it because I didn't want to engage with it for a while - and, once I did, even though Collins had earned so much trust from me with her handling of Katniss and Peeta's disabilities, I was still wary. So I actually highlighted every instance where she wasn't writing him according to ableist tropes.

Yes, at 18 he's been shaped by Capitol indoctrination at school and in his family and in the media. He sees with those lenses. They come easily and automatically to him. But he also connects with people as people and realizes - oh, the District kids are just kids?? And they're being starved and hurt? I know what it's like to go hungry... This is wrong. Why should Lucy Gray have to sing just to get food? I'll get her some, even though I don't have enough.

Over and over - but if you stand up for the wrong people, you will be punished. He tries it; he protects Lucy Gray. And then he pays the price and -- somewhere along the way, he doesn't want to pay anymore. He wants to protect his family and be a winner. And you can't be a winner--comfortable and safe and in control--and stand with someone your society has designated to lose. So he chooses.

It's heartbreaking - and it is, sadly, terrifyingly, the kind of choices the majority of people make - his 18-year-old choices, that is. That moment in his life is the perfect one to write about, because it turns the eye of the story on how young people are shaped - but also, at that young stage, he's closer to the common ordinary people in any corrupt society. He's just trying to survive. It's later that his urge to win motivates him to get worse and worse and worse - no longer wanting to protect his family, in fact tossing Tigris aside, *only* wanting to win. Taking pleasure in driving people into the ground.

It takes decades of choices for him to become that person, though. And it is a creation he makes of himself. The younger person is closer to most people though.

For example, I live in a democracy, thankfully. And yet it is so much driven by what Langston Hughes called "the same old stupid plan / Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak." When I walk into work and I see the cops clearing unhoused people from the only homes and safety they have--a process that we know from studies shortens peoples' lives, hurts them emotionally and physically for no gd reason, just cruelty, just greed--living in an encampment near my work - I don't do anything. I'm afraid to. Sure, I try to donate to people who help and write letters and vote... but I don't resist directly. I'd be punished. So there's a little bit of that 18-year-old kid early in the book who knows right and wrong and yet just wants to be safe in me. And I have to wrestle with it. Because I don't want to ever forget that it's a wrestling match. That's when the perverse incentive structure starts to consume you IMO. And most of us live in societies with perverse incentive structures of some kind. Some lure that is offered to us, of feeling better than, of exploiting others, and some threats of punishment too.

To my mind, it's a good story that can make me think of feeling a pang of shame and sadness and then looking away as the cops clear people and remembering that it's a struggle, that I am not simply on the side of angels, that my society is structured around cruelty and greed and it doesn't have to be. It shouldn't be.

re: the use of trauma. I'm interested to see what Viola Davis does with the role and how Dr Gaul is adjusted in the film script - honestly, her apparent flatness was one of the things in the book I thought could be better? And in film reviews I'm reading it seems like they strengthened her. We'll see. I think she's so good at leaning into why all of this is justified because she truly believes it. And she's looking for future leaders who can truly believe it too. And, as much as she and Highbottom apply pressures to shape this youth--including that hilarious imo scene where Coriolanus naively says "people love children"--by the end Coriolanus is writing her letters and offering himself as someone who will fit that shape in order to get the rewards it offers. There's a subtle shift as that happens that is quite nuanced. And, again, focusing on his youth is so powerful because he's a being in formation, a person being created and creating himself as an adult.

There's a *reason* why Collins opens the book with this quote:

“I thought of the promise of virtues which he had displayed on the opening of his existence, and the subsequent blight of all kindly feeling by the loathing and scorn which his protectors had manifested towards him.” — Mary Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818

Though, again, the major shift of Part 3 for me is that he begins to take an active part in forming himself and he is fashioning himself to be a winner, to fit what he believes Dr Gaul and the authorities at the military school want, hoping and fearing that he won't be able to do it so well and desperately happy when the chance at rewards for doing so is still open to him. IMO Part 3 and the Epilogue aren't the end of his journey, they're the death of other possibilities and the birth of who he's choosing to become. And even he can't fully imagine where that will go as the decades pass and the choices mount up.

That is not the kind of quote you use to begin a story about someone who was born evil to begin with. The book takes 528 pages even though it's only about a few months in one 18-year-old's life precisely because it's a carefully drawn and teased out character journey, a corruption arc. As reviewer David Ehrlich put it in his review of the movie:

is Coriolanus embracing his nature or defiling it?

It's supposed to be a question, not a foregone conclusion. And I think the weight of the text itself leans in favor of "defiling" as the answer. Though it can be interpreted multiple ways (as it should be). I think the movie only lines we have from Lucy Gray in the trailer hold true: "there’s a natural goodness born into us all.” But, in one way or another, it doesn’t just stay that way, it’s a struggle. “It’s our life’s work to stay on the right side of that line [between good and evil].”

It’s a little on the nose with the themes, but I’m cool with them having her be so clear about it since apparently it’s not clear in the book I guess????

#replies #thg meta #my meta #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #long post

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rfaromance · 1 year

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Rika.

Love her or hate her, no Mystic Messenger player can deny that she is central to the overarching plot of the game.

Depending on your view of her, her major role in Ray (Saeran) After Ending is either intriguing, exciting, frustrating, or infuriating.

Personally, I loved the portrayal, insight, and development in Rika during the RAE. Read below the cut for my Rika thoughts. Spoilers abound for Ray's route, RAE, Rika Behind, and even the Secret Ending. Also, uh, it's a long post. Longcat long.

(If you're interested in opinions on the RAE from a Saeran-loving POV, I'd suggest you consult @marshmallowprotection who pours her heart and soul into her analyses, especially regarding Saeran.)

If you're reading now, I'm assuming you have enough background in the game's lore where I don't need to explain the basics, so I'm going to dive right in.

At the start of Another Story, our well-intentioned but common-sense-challenged MC ends up being personally escorted to Mint Eye. And MC chooses to fixate on Ray and his mysteries and allure, ultimately trusting the not-so-honest rose boy instead of the highly mysterious V, who apparently is not an AI but also should not be anywhere near this cult.

In MC's defense, sometimes it's easier to choose the evil you know versus the evil you don't.

Rika doesn't have a problem with this, initially. She knows that she needs to throw Ray a bone. Allowing him to have a little doll like MC to dress up and pose and control and adore will appease him, and he has a plan to make MC useful for her goals, anyway. It's a win in her book, to keep Ray indebted to his Savior and also the possibility of luring the RFA members to her faster.

But a major distinction exists between Rika in Another Story (AS) and Rika in the original timeline (OS). Much like Saeran's mental state deteriorated further over the extra year and 6 months (give or take) between AS and OS, giving us Unknown, so did Rika's. In the SE, she explicitly tells Unknown that he was a failure and she wanted Saeyoung instead. She no longer valued Saeran's prior contributions to Mint Eye or her mental state--she wanted results now, and she would sacrifice anyone and anything to achieve them.

(Well, almost anyone. Turns out sacrificing V was not what she wanted, after all.)

But her goals are different in Another Story. She's still pursuing her dreams of making people happy by "saving" them from a tainted world of pain, but she's still itching for the personal happiness she has wanted all her life: love.

She wants a loving family. She has never known what it feels like to have a family that loves her, as her earliest memories are in the orphanage, and she was adopted by a vile, hateful woman who cursed her and subjected her to physical and emotional pain, verbal abuse, neglect, humiliation, warped "religious" cult ideas of sin and salvation, and the list goes on.

When she learned of two twin children who needed loving, protective parental figures... she became obsessed. She could save them. Nobody ever saved her, but she could save them.

That delusion of forming a happy family with V and the twins only became worse after Mother Choi's death. (I hesitate to call it a murder, because it was an act of imperfect self-defense, and thus I'd argue it was voluntary manslaughter under USA law. But if we're being technical, under Korean law it's murder under extenuating circumstances. Legal jargon differs across countries.) Having taken Saeran's mother away from him, Rika got the idea that she needed to be his mother now. They would both have a good family now--that's a win-win, right?

This is the Rika we still see in Another Story. That's why she gives him the name Ray, to eliminate his past and all traces of V and Saeyoung, molding him into her obedient, doting son. That's why she dresses him up in layers upon layers and forces him to study hacking, so she can control every aspect of her sweet child. That's why she swipes Ray after she catches wind of his kiss with MC in the garden. She doesn't know or care who instigated the kiss; all she needs to know is that MC poses a risk to her fantasy, her game of house.

So she tortures Ray until he can become her puppet-son again. Except she ends up with Suit Saeran, and for the time being she'll allow that because at least he isn't tripping head over heels for MC.

That backfires too, and when Saeran frees himself of that stuffy suit and allows his body to breathe, once Saeran makes his own decision to abandon those shackles, follow his heart, apologize and atone for his wrongdoing, and break out of his gilded cage with MC... Rika loses it.

She's lost everything. Mint Eye be damned, she's lost her illusion that she will reach a "happily ever after."

So when V blames himself and crawls back to her, not wanting to see her crumble alone, she locks a collar and leash onto him. Honestly, it's the worst possible ending for V. He can't shake his self-hatred and guilt complex, and he feels the need to stand by Rika even as she sends them both on a path of destruction, because he refuses to abandon her like his father abandoned his mother. He didn't even love her anymore, but he wanted to give her the peace that he never could when they were together. This was how he felt he needed to pay for hurting her, even if it meant destroying himself.

Okay, screenshot is a good place to wrap up the backstory and dive into the RAE itself.

I've seen complaints that Rika's character was inconsistent in the RAE, but candidly I think the fluctuations in her goals, emotions, and actions represent her fragile mental state in a phenomenal way. She was highly sensitive and susceptible to emotional influence, whether positive or negative. The seemingly smallest, most trivial events could send her reeling. She clearly has a lot of mental health issues and trauma that have never properly been addressed. Instead she turned to the worst possible coping mechanisms: comphet, making a cult, and brainwashing folks into being your make-believe family.

She didn't team up with Saejoong because she likes the guy. She sees him as a means to an end: getting the twins to live with her in her game of house.

The "he" that Rika refers to in this chat is Saejoong. He's a horrendous parent, but he managed to capture Saeyoung, and therefore Rika sees him as a tool. She also is adamant that the younger twin is "Ray", not Saeran, because the boy she needs for her happy ending is the submissive one with pruned wings, not the independent one who flies away on his wings of love.

If MC tries to inquire into Rika's motivations, she simply says she chooses happiness and to focus on the small joys in life. She's no longer as guarded and high-strung, because she has much less to lose. She doesn't feel the need to be perfect, to be a Savior. She's at peace with herself, instead of constantly seeking approval. Part of that cab be attributed to V's (reluctant) acceptance of Rika for who she is, instead of trying to fix her.

She's trying to be more open and honest, and with that attempt we get a Rika who is less guarded and poised, and rather a Rika whose mask is off and is trying to navigate what it means to simply "exist." She just wants her family of 4 to live "happily" together, and a lot less scheming is required. She almost has the energy of "I'm going to be the fun, cool mom. :)"

I bet she's awful at stacking chairs, though.

Now, many characters AND players have wondered, "Why in the WORLD would Saejoong team up with Rika?" He thinks she's nuts. We know that Rika is using him, and I'd venture that he's doing the same. He knows he's caught between a rock and a hard place, but he also knows that this woman is desperate to take his troublesome bastard sons and disappear with them. She can't exist in public, after all, or she'd risk her secret of being a cult leader getting exposed. It's a weird solution, but he was in no place to refuse her offer. Coerce Saeyoung into making false broadcasts to bolster Saejoong's public image, and then let Rika, V, and the twins run off into the sunset.

A special insight that you only get during the Normal Ending is that Saejoong thought he and Rika were similar, which is likely another reason he was willing to collude with her. And the Normal Ending is the reason that I felt inspired to write this post at all.

On day 3, Rika accuses Saeran of hating her. She's furious that she doesn't have Ray anymore, because Ray needed her and gave her a purpose. Saeran doesn't need her, and that sends her into a panic. But he chooses to be compassionate and to try to sympathize with her.

On day 4, we get this exchange between MC and Rika:

Rika breaks down in MC's arms. She didn't know what love was, and she didn't know how to reach it herself. Her solution was to control, to manipulate, to clutch desperately onto people who showed her even a shred of warmth... but always staying just distant enough where she could withdraw or flee if she felt threatened, or worse, sabotage the connection herself.

She didn't know what love was because she'd never experienced it. Her mother was a malicious, cruel woman. Mika sacrificed and manipulated her. Her priest assaulted her. V did his best, but he kept pushing his ideals and methods onto her instead of listening to her. She kept Saeran through control. She brainwashed and gaslit believers, smooth-talking her way into their minds and pockets. She even kept V bound to her by blinding him; we can only assume he got treatment after his trial.

MC and Saeran showed her what love is. It's about kindness for the sake of kindness, not to curry favor. It's a willingness to step out of your comfort zone to help those you care about. It's being brave when you're terrified. It's communicating in more ways than one, always listening and considering the other's thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions.

For the first time in her life, she saw love. She saw love in Saeran, who'd lured her and V away so that his lover and brother could be free. She saw love in MC, who'd always been gentle but firm with Rika, expressing genuine intrigue and concern for her. She saw people who didn't immediately demonize her for her worst mistake: the death of Mother Choi.

She's being honest with herself, too, acknowledging and understanding that her actions were wrong. And she starts bawling, because she's been repressing herself, her fears, and her needs for so long. She laments that she yearned for love like a child, but her body was too big now... and that made the void feel larger and emptier.

She finally got the answers she'd been trying to find for her entire life: What is love? And is she worthy?

So when the opportunity comes for her to set Saejoong straight, she tears into him. Now, she only does this in the normal ending. In the good ending, Saeran is the one who talks to Saejoong, says his piece, and gets his peace. Clearly that's the best possible ending for Saeran, because it allows him to put his last demon to rest. Now he can focus on healing and finding happiness on his own accord.

But in the normal ending, Rika shows that she's not just a sob story for MC and Saeran to pity. She's taking their lessons and her new convictions to heart and putting them into action.

And Saejoong truly loses his cool when he hears that the investigation team is coming. He knows he's toast, and so he tries to appeal to Rika one last time: "You know that you'll be going down, too."

To which Rika says: "Yes. It's long overdue."

Rika has a long, difficult road ahead of her, but it'll be a surprisingly peaceful one. She wants to heal. She wants to live a better life. She wants to be honest and true, and that means atoning for her crimes.

But then, she's going to devote her life to love.

The RAE Normal Ending is, in a bizarre way, the best outcome for Rika that Mysme canon gives us. (Because seriously, shipping her off to Alaska to GTFO was the laziest and most unsatisfying ending for her that I can imagine.)

#mystic messenger #Mysmes #Mysme #Mm #Rika Kim #rika mystic messenger #Rika mysme #Analysis #Rika essay 2 #saeran after ending #ray after ending

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vitasexualiiis · 7 months

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i have literally been unpacking the fukuchi/fukuzawa situation since watching last night and while i feel sorry for fukuchi and i empathize with him and his motives, i still highkey do not LIKE him.

now that we've seen the culmination of his arc, i was right that his major M.O./character trait is to deny people choice, even IF denying people choice is to save them. using the book. using one order. fucking with literal time and space to negate the choices of OTHERS.

and then finally what he pulled with fukuzawa at the end there.

and like? that behavior is SUPER antithetical to BSD's anti-authoritarian core themes as a whole. think about dazai's speech to kyouka...that the only thing people truly have is the ability to make choices and to agonize over those choices.

even by LITERALLY DYING, he's denied fukuzawa the right to choose his role in this. even if fukuzawa can't kill him, he'll die anyway, and burden fukuzawa with a role he DOES NOT WANT, and a choice that he KNOWS will cause him immeasurable pain.

and seriously??? i don't think he would leave that choice to fukuzawa unless he knew there was a high chance fukuzawa would go through with his plan.

(hell, fukuchi's entire relationship with teruko--his closest confidant, the only OTHER person he seems to trust--is based in unwavering, unquestioning loyalty. to the point where she'll kill him JUST because he ordered her to, in spite of the fact that this is literally the last thing she wants to do.)

and like...i definitely don't think the ramifications of fukuchi's actions are over yet whatsoever. like, shit. obviously.

if anything, i think the theme of choice is going to come back around big time. fukuzawa has, uh, some big decisions to make lmao, and i'm hoping that more rational characters like dazai and mori have some bearing on those choices.

more than anything, i'm hoping that ranpo finally asserts himself with fukuzawa and pushes him toward an answer that doesn't involve self-sacrifice.

(this is going to get messy...i'll be surprised if it doesn't.)

i think the best outcome here is the story playing with the idea that humanity is collaborative. no one person should EVER have the power to control others. our actions effect each other, for better or worse. we all deserve to have a say in what happens.

that's literally baked into fukuzawa's character! he says it on screen RIGHT before this happens! so to see him struggling with this is...concerning and painful, even though i genuinely think (I HOPE???) he'll make a rational choice here. even if it's a struggle to make.

but...idk. yeah. i feel sorry for fukuchi, i really do, but i don't think he's a good guy in this story by a longshot.

#fukufuku #fukuchi #fukuzawa #bsd meta #bsd s5 #bsd spoilers #im unpacking!!! there's a lot to unpack!!!#fukuchi is one of those characters where its like...man i just cannot get behind him. i like that he's sympathetic but also like #he's the worst?? he's absolutely the worst.#he's got like all of mori's and dazai's controlling behaviors turned up to eleven with NONE of the self-awareness!!!#also i am bracing myself for an increase in authoritarian left fascism discourse in the BSD fandom lmao #i exactly don't trust the “kill urself prosh*pper” fandom to not be like #''uhmm fukuchi is right and fascism is good actually if it controls and eliminates Bad Guys aka the ppl i dont like :)"#wow that got heavy there lmao #anyway i feel ~insane~ how are all of you holding up??

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jester089 · 5 months

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I loved your "more then merrier" headcanons and I was wondering could you write headcanons for the rest of the tadc crew as well! Love your works!

More the merrier (Part 2)

Apologies on this taking so long life has been kinda rough. And I've been taking up tons of new hobbies. I've been busy.

Caine

He the others freaks out when coming face to face with himself. I mean it definitely isn't the first time. But this time the double feels more real and not just a AI. It takes him a bit but once he's used to it he actually really enjoys having two of him. Can get double the things done in half the time. When their are two Caine's he can have one run the circus like always and have the other with you. This way nothing gets left alone and he can learn why he feels differently about you. Overall it's a good thing. Only real downside being when both start an adventure without informing the other making the entire circus be extra chaotic till he realizes what happened.

Reader

When Caine found you. Or rather you two, he doesn't react as much as you would expect. It's when he failed to get rid of the copy that he seemed surprised. He would probably put you both in cages so whatever this is doesn't spread. After checking over your code he realizes that it isn't a virus. It is literally just you. But two of you. The majority of your time from then on is Caine testing different things to see what happens. Usually Caine has overall control of everything. But since you double he doesn't. He can't so much as change the outfit your wearing. He doesn't even know what caused this yet it completely takes away his control. It worries him.

Zooble

When you walked in on two Zooble's you thoughts that her spare parts came to life. But they both have the same parts. With two Zooble's I can see it going one of two ways. 1. They accept the other and team up making it basically impossible to mess with them or you. It really would just feel like one Zooble with double the physical capabilities. I mean she doesn't talk much no matter how comfortable she is with someone so not too much would change in words, just acts. 2. She strikes me as the self loathing type so upon meeting herself she's forced to come to terms with a lot. That makes her hate the double and actively avoid herself. If that happens good luck cause no matter which you choose to spend time with the other will get jealous and borderline pissed that they weren't picked. Now if it goes the first way or you get the two to be ok with each other then you can keep on living. She does have to watch her mouth with you more though. Before she would say something mean and not really mean it. But if two people do that it feels much more real, and true. So she is constantly watching her mouth with you now.

Reader

With two of you again I don't feel like that much would change. You would be able to help Zooble find her parts easier or keep her safer but past that not much difference. It will be a little problematic finding space for two of you on the bed for movie nights but she takes their being two of you surprisingly well. She's a super independent person who can easily handle her own so you wont really have problems to fix that one of you couldn't do.

Kinger

I've mentioned before that I feel Kinger isn't crazy. Not how he's seen at least. The circus is a crazy place and Kinger is just adapted. He is lonely however. He's been here so long and lost so much. With two of him it surprisingly doesn't get worse. Kinger is amazing at comfort we all know this. So with two of him he's able to keep himself calm and safer. Not being as easy a target for Jax or other creatures. Not being as susceptible to losing it. All you really have to do is make sure he knows you still love him and he's a happy king. Trust me when I say two Kinger's could calm down just about anyone. Including himself. He's well spoken and courteous and is one of those people who is naturally really good at comfort.

Reader

Oh geez. You're gonna make him pass out from stress. He's amazing to be around and genuinely loves you. But as I said he's lost a lot. And he's been so worried about losing you. That caused a lot of stress, anxiety, and overall worry. Their's two of you to worry about now. Despite being borderline scared he isn't going to back down. He knows you, he knows you do your best and are worth his time. If he has to work harder for you he will. And his work gets him double the love from you. When he isn't stressing about it it's honestly lovely for him. You provide as good of comfort as you can give. You are also a overall nice person to talk to and be around. You shoo off his loneliness. And with two of you he never really has to be alone. Everyone needs some alone time every now and again but just being around you makes his days better.

(Sorry again this took so long. But I hope you enjoyed it.)

xoxo, Jester

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #caine x reader #zooble x reader #kinger x reader #noob author #not beta'd

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thebigsl33p · 1 year

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We Were Angels Once, Don't You Remember?

A/NM: I love this musical and no one can stop me from titling my fics after it, or just general War and Peace quotes. (Natasha, Pierre and The Great Comet of 1812). (I also tattoeed myself with the comet yesterday and idk abt it I reckon it'll be gone in three weeks)

Bold : Aleksander's letters

Italics: The Reader's lettersb

My Dear wife,

I have no intention to bore you with my journey to The Fold, nor the details of the First or Second Army. In summary, the armies are well, as was the journey save for the major flaw that you were not by my side. I suppose, however, that it is good to be with and among our soldiers, to see your plans into action.

Despite my previous words, I will tell you of something I saw during the journey. On horseback and taking a different route from everybody else on the journey, as usual, I came across a field. It was too early in the season for the flowers to have bloomed, however I could see many green, unopened stems and buds, and stopped to think of you. I would very much like to take you there when summer comes, to witness a natural beauty secondary to yours.

I do sincerely believe it will be a sight you will favour, and we could make a nice break out of it - something different from our usual afternoon horseriding, and a savoured rest from The Little Palace. Do tell me what you think.

I beg of you to write me about the most trivial aspects of your day, just so I may have more of you with me while we are apart. Even though it is only a couple days we must spend away from each other I think of you endlessly. I must confess it is hard to work without thinking of you but if I had to choose any distraction, it would be you. In your absence, I see you in everything: in the maps the otkazat'sya cartographers, in the patches of greenery around the camp, in the ruins of the buildings we passed and the lights of the tents.

You haunt me, and yet you are not dead. I know you wait for me at home, and still I cannot help but feel grief over being apart from you.

I beg of you to write me swiftly, milaya,

All my love,

Aleksander.

To my love, Aleksander,

How you are so charming through pen and paper, I will never understand.

Moreover, I am well. Genya has been keeping me company between the Tsar and Tsarita, but she does not have your looks. On a serious note, I miss you terribly. A few days since reading your last letter has built a thousand years of longing inside me.

I find myself turning to speak to you in the library or in meetings which results in Genya's teasing when she sees my words catch in my throat. The bed feels unbelievably big and cold, and I'm reluctant to tell you that I have taken to falling asleep next to, or wearing, your old Keftas. Silly and childish, I know, but at night I can dream it is you.

There is not much else to tell. The Little Palace is... well, The Little Palace: teeming with gossip about who is betrothed to who, about us and so forth, Preparations have begun for the next upcoming ball, which I trust you will have returned for. I hope you, my husband, will not leave me to face those horrible people alone.

And you know how much I enjoy our private conversations in front of others. The little looks of distaste, slight taps of our fingers and slight turns of the head. They are very entertaining, even if the company is boresome.

I fantasise about your return too much. It doesn't matter how - whether day or night, whether I fall into your arms or wake up with you beside me - all that matters is that you are finally back with me, in our Little Palace. I long to sleep beside you, to hold you in the night and to wake up with the soft spring sun across us, soft sheets and your ever-inviting eyes.

I have spoken enough about myself. How are you, my love? How has The Fold been treating you? I send my deepest wishes that the work is not too hard... and there are not too many fights.

I wish for you to know that I wait for you, painfully. Though may I urge you to return soon, unless you wish to find Genya sharing your side of the bed...

My heart,

Y/N.

#aleksander X reader #aleksander morozova X reader #general kirigan X reader #kirigan X reader #shadow and bone fanfic #shadow and bone X reader #the darkling X reader #letter styled fanfic #idk abt this tbh #thebigsl33p

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radioshackraider · 4 months

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Changes on Episode 3 of Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Only one episode to write about here, but still some changes made, so lets get on with it. The Changes I noticed: We don't hear the whole prophecy this time. Originally we see Percy receive the full prophecy from the Oracle, but this time we don't. We don't even get to see him being told to visit the Oracle. The oracle's prophecy is delivered differently, but that's to be expected since Gabe's poker playing is online in the show, as opposed to as a group. The oracle seems different? I want to say it was less of a full body in the books and more of a limbless torso type deal, or at least that's how I always interpreted it. Percy is given the choice of the entire camp to have on his quest, instead of basically being forced into taking Annabeth and Grover. Which, IMO, makes him choosing to pick Annabeth feel weird. They've barely interacted at this point. His reasoning for picking her makes sense, but also doesn't because it later comes up that he doesn't trust her, thanks to the prophecy. The Bus Journey only has 2 of the 3 Furies. Annabeth takes a more active role here, as well as showing familiarity with Alecto. Alecto being named is important as she isn't done so in this book originally. The Bus Journey has reminded me that we didn't see the Three Fates during episode 1. We've seen them in promotional material, but their absence so far is noteworthy, and I wish I had noticed it sooner. The bus isn't blown up, and as a result Alecto survives it long enough to hunt the Trio down to Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium. Speaking of Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium, lets talk about Medusa. I originally was going to say that she comes across as VERY different to how she was in the book, but after thinking on it, she isn't. Sure, she has a bit of a disagreement with Alecto, "saving" the trio from her, but that's about the only major change from the book. She was introduce as sweet and kind to children in need, and that's exactly what she was here. She's far more open and honest with the trio about her intentions and identity, and feels far more sympathetic as well, but at the end of the day she's still largely the Gorgon we know from the book, turning innocent people to stone and selling them. The biggest difference is how she died, which was ingenious frankly. Using Annabeth's Invisibility Cap to make it so they couldn't see her was fantastic, and the kind of thinking one should expect from a Daughter of Athena. We see someone (Who, SPOILERS, is Hermes), deliver Medusa's head to Olympus. Something we didn't originally see in the book, and frankly means nothing currently, without us knowing that Lin Manuel Miranda is Hermes. Which honestly makes it feel like a very weak inclusion. I assume it's going to pay off when we see Hermes again, but without any kind of knowledge on who LMM is playing, it kinda just feels pointless to me.

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv spoilers #pjo spoilers #pjo tv show #pjo series

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caffiene-fueled-fuckery · 3 months

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hiiii can you do a deep dive into hawkeye's attachment styles pretty please :') i don't know much about attachment styles but i love psychology and i'm super normal about that guy (lying) so this is all fascinating 2 me !!!

Hi! I can certainly try!

I'm by no means an expert on attachment theory but I guess I can maybe talk about it since I'm studying it right now and have for a few years. I'm a psych major specializing in psychological development, and a lot of my interests and papers in the last few years have been on attachment theory specifically in adults bc believe it or not, most people think that it's only a thing when you're in infancy and early childhood. False! You actually grow an attachment network as you go from adolescence into adulthood and that's how it stays essentially, but your attachment style is important for the people you choose to be around and how relationship dynamics work (there's more nuance to this but I'm not really sure how to explain it without going super in depth). Anyway... Maybe I should do a general post about attachment theory.

For Hawkeye I think he's definitely in the preoccupied type, but he can also sometimes be a bit dismissing. Let's be real, Hawkeye has abandonment issues. If you think about it, he lost his mom when he was a kid, and it was pretty sudden. She got sick and he didn't really know what was going on, and his dad didn't tell him how bad it was. Then a few days later she was gone. Not only did he very suddenly lose a primary attachment figure, but he likely felt a sense of betrayal from his other primary attachment figure due to his dad not being honest with him. Yes, he was only a kid, but that doesn't stop him from feeling that way. That is still the case to a degree, he mentions it in that one episode... I think it's called Sons and Bowlers? When his dad was going into surgery for something serious and Hawkeye thought it could be cancer but he didn't find out until his dad was already in surgery and he spent forever trying to get through to the hospital. He was rantic and said something about his dad doing it again, likely meaning holding back the severity of an illness from him to protect him.

The loss of a primary caregiver is devestating to a young child even if they don't really understand what happened. The person they've relied on, who they knew was going to keep them safe and take care of them is just no longer there, whether they know why or not doesn't matter. Now, hawkeye I think was a bit older... 10, maybe? So he understood that it wasn't his Mom's intention, but that doesn't stop the pain. It seems very much like he clung to his dad after that, and he seems to have a very secure attachment to him. But I don't think that overall he has a secure attachment style. Definitely not.

The preoccupied attachment style is typically characterized by people who have positive views of others but negative views of the self. This usually means that they want close relationships but don't feel they're deserving of it necessarily or that they can trust others. In a modern sense, they'd be the person who'd text you a thousand times if you didn't respond. They can be clingy and they need reassurance. And while Hawkeye can be arrogant, I don't think he really likes himself that much. I can't think of anything speciifc he says but he definitely seems to think he's not a good person. He probably doesn't think he's ideal for a relationship. And we can see that in his interactions with his ex.

Carly and Hawkeye lived together for over a year, and he was devastated when she left him. Again, abandonment by another primary attachment figure. When she showed up at the 4077th he was hurt and a bit bitter, but when he talked to her he was desperate. He would do anything to keep her by his side, including marriage. And she knew it was desperation. A lot of it was his work that got between them, as she said, because he isn't someone who can put his work second. But another piece of those commitment issues might be that doubt or anxiety around relationships that are more than just sex.

This isn't just in romantic relationships. Think about how he reacted when Trapper left. He was so hurt that Trapper didn't even leave a note and chased after him to try and catch him before he left despite knowing he had little chance of catching him. He and Trapper were always together and he seemed a bit more secure in that friendship... but that went out the window when he left. Now, I don't really know that much about Trapper, esp since he was only in 3/11 seasons. But the effect he had on Hawkeye was immense.

You can see that in the way he interacts with BJ. He's clingy. He needs validation. He's scared of being abandoned again, whether or not he wants to admit it. And in GFA, he gets so irritated when BJ won't say goodbye. Hawkeye knows they won't see each other again, so leaving without a goodbye and a promise of seeing each other again is the same as being abandoned. BJ is important to him.

This validation isn't even just with BJ. It's pretty much with everyone. He cracks jokes and the laughter is validation. Sleeping with one of the nurses is validation. To me at least, he seems to feel inferior when comes to anything that's not surgery. Just as a person. But he also seems to have a defense against that, acting like all he needs are one night stands. Keeping the nurses at an arm's length, never going further emotionally than just sex. Which is why I said he could also fit the dismissing style a little bit, too. It's a defense mechanism so he doesn't get hurt. Dismissing is when someone has a positive view of self and a negative view of others, usually relying on being self-sufficient and independent, not needing close relationships even though they desperately want them. He just thinks people will leave him so he doesn't let people get to close to him. That seems to more be the case with women.

I hope this makes some sense! He has a bit of a mix of styles but I think more preoccupied than anything else. I wanna give poor Hawkeye a hug :(

#mash #m*a*s*h #hawkeye pierce #emm rambles

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