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the-offside-rule · 3 months

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Esteban Ocon (Alpine) - Jumper

Requested: yes

Prompt: 21) "I can't believe you're wearing my jumper."

Warnings: none

Esteban couldn't help but smile as he watched Y/n emerge from the bedroom, wearing his oversized jumper. "Morning." He smiled, watching her wall gracefully across the floor. "You seem in a good mood." She remarked, reaching for a mug from the cupboard. "I just can't believe you're actually wearing my jumper." He chuckled, his chin resting on his hand. Y/n grinned, adjusting the sleeves that were way too long for her. "Well, it's cozy, and it smells like you. You should probably wash it." She joked. "You wash, I'll cook the breakfast. How about that?" He suggested, standing up to head over towards the cooker. "Can I think about it?" She asked. "If I cook a nice breakfast, you can do the clean-up. Deal?" Y/n put her hand out and grinned. "Deal." She sat on the sofa eith her mug of coffee whilst Esteban got to work on their breakfast. "I think I might keep this jumper. It looks better on me anyway." She called called him. He playfully rolled his eyes. "Only because you make everything look better." She looked back. "Guilty as charged!"

She stood up and walked towards the table as Esteban stirred whatever it was in the pan. "I can't believe I'm letting you near the stove." She teased. He looked at her offended. "I'll have you know I'm an excellent chef. Just watch and learn, mon amour." She said, placing a gentle kiss onto her cheek. The kitchen filled with the delicious aroma of eggs and bacon and Y/n was already regretting making that deal.

"Let me just-" She paused, scooping up a fork full of her food before placing it into her mouth. She smiled as she looked over at Esteban before faking a distasteful look. "It's disgusting. I don't think I can do clean-up now. I just-" Esteban attacked her neck with kisses and her sides with tickles, making her erupt into laughter. "Stop! You're gonna make me spill it on your wonderful spiderman jumper!" She shrieked but he didn't stop. "I can wash the jumper!" Esteban had lifted her to the sofa, where he mercilessly tickled her nearly to death.

"Esteban! Stop!" She laughed, swatting playfully at his hands, but Esteban persisted, enjoying the adorable sound of her laughter. Finally, he relented, pulling her into a warm embrace. "You're too irresistible when you laugh." He said, a softness in his eyes. Y/n looked up at him, still catching her breath. "What was that for?" Esteban smiled, cupping her face in his hands. "I just wanted to hear you laugh. It just made me realize." Curiosity sparkled in Y/n's eyes as her head tilted to the side. "I love you." He whispered, his gaze unwavering. Y/n's heart skipped a beat, and a radiant smile spread across her face. "I love you too, babe." She replied, closing the gap between them both and sealing their moment with a sweet kiss. "You still look incredible in that jumper." He grinned. "Well, it may look better on the floor."

"I don't know what to say about that." Esteban replied. "I don't know. Maybe say that you love me again? I like you saying that." Esteban leaned down slowly before chucking a cushion right at her face. "Come on, get up. We have stuff to do." Y/n laughed. "Boring!",

#f1 blurb #f1 imagine #f1 oneshot #esteban ocon oneshot #esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon fanfic #esteban ocon x you #esteban ocon blurb #esteban ocon imagine #esteban ocon imagines #esteban ocon #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #f1 x female reader #f1 x oc

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lxndonorris · 1 year

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no shaving - Esteban Ocon

Y/N x Esteban Ocon Theme: Smutish (teasing, touching, not too explicit) loving Estebans stubble, you hide his razor so he can't shave x gif by @princemick word count: 1080+

During the winter break your boyfriend Esteban kept his beard growing slightly, just enough to wear a light stubble. However, right before the first race of the season, he shaved it off, for whatever reason. Luckily, it's growing back rather quickly, and this time, you won't let it happen just yet. That's why you hid his shaving utensils, both of his razors and some cream, right underneath the bed. Now, you're lying on top of the bed, wearing one of Esteban's hoodies and shorts, browsing your phone, when you can hear Esteban looking for his stuff all over the bathroom.

Pressing your lips together to hide a smile, you lift your face just enough to see him enter the room. He's wearing a white shirt, black track pants, white socks, and his hair is messy yet beautiful. Obviously, he's rocking that light stubble, looking even more handsome than usual. Esteban looks at you for just a second, before continuing his search in this room. You watch him open the closets, nightstands, and some of his suitcases before he lets out a long sigh. "What's wrong?" You say innocently, and he instantly turns around.

"Oh, uh, looking for my razors." He says, running a hand through his messy hair, the back of his head, and right through his scruffy beard, scratching himself gently. "Oh." You say, trying your best to not act suspicious. "I looked everywhere." He says, steadying both of his hands on his hips, with his eyes looking through the room again, in case he might have missed it. Esteban grimaces, one hand now back at his neck, stroking himself tenderly. "I don't wanna go to the store." He pouts, and you put your phone down.

"I mean, you don't have to shave." You shrug, catching his attention. "Mhmm." He eyes you curiously, taking a few steps closer to the bed. "You wouldn't know where my stuff is, would you?" Esteban says, raising an eyebrow, while still stroking his neck. He knows that you love his beard, after all, you told him that a million times during the break, which initially lead him to keep a light stubble. "No." You say, avoiding his eyes for just a second, the pressure getting more and more unbearable. He must know something by now, but you are not that easy to break. As soon as you meet his gaze again, he tilts his head taking another step forward.

"Of course not." He then shrugs, and you know, he's up to something. You bite your lower lip now, trying so hard to keep a serious expression as you watch him walk around the bed, and right up to you. Esteban is now towering over you, looking down, while you prepare yourself for what's to come next. "Are you telling me, or do I need to make you tell me." He growls, his whole body stiffer than usual. The sound of his voice already sends shivers down your spine, with him wearing tight pants, a shirt flattering his well-formed body, and a sly smirk making it even harder for you to not give in.

"I don't know what you're talking about." You chuckle softly, shaking your head in denial. He takes a deep breath and strokes the bridge of his nose. "So, you make me do it." Esteban exhales, turns back to you, and in an instant, he bends down, tickling you. "No, Este." You protest, and at first, you manage to hold him off quite confidently, but he won't let it go that easily. "Look what you make me do." He growls playfully, gets on top of the bed, and overpowers you. "STOP." You giggle uncontrollably, desperately trying to get him off of you, while you feel his hands, his fingers dancing all over your skin. To make matters worse, he even slides underneath your hoodie, tickling you even more.

"Will you tell me now?" He smirks, as you just laugh. "OKAY. Okay. I tell ya." You breathe deeply, and he stops for a moment, waiting for you to stop laughing. For a few more moments, you lie there, breathing deeply, while Esteban kneels on the bed, his body pinning yours down. You turn your head to meet his gaze once again, a sly, satisfied grin forming on his lips before he raises both of his eyebrows. "So? Where is it?" He breathes deeply as well, his voice huskier than before. "Okay." Defeated, you pout. "Under the bed." He licks his lips in satisfaction, bends down, and kisses you, once, then twice.

You embrace his lips on yours, especially enjoying your skin-tingling due to his stubble. "Este." You breathe right into his mouth and steady yourself against his firm chest, feeling his body through the fabric of his shirt. He separates himself just enough for you to still feel his mouth on yours, and just then, you notice the faint scent of his cologne swirling around your nose. "Please don't shave, yet." You say, running a hand across his chest, further up to his neck, letting the tips of your fingers wander through his scruffy beard, causing him to purr contently.

"You like it that much, do you?" He growls softly, closing his eyes for a second while you keep on stroking his neck gently. "Yeah." You pout once again. "Just for a few more days." Leaning in, you kiss him softly, your lips barely brushing over his. "Y/N." He breathes deeply, opens his eyes, and melts into your gentle touch. For a moment, both of you kiss each other, before you feel him using his tongue to slowly spread his delicious taste all over your mouth. At the same time, you run a hand across his chest, feeling all of his muscles tense harder and harder, pressing against the shirt. Esteban returns the favor by doing the same, one hand on the bed, the other casually sliding under your hoodie again, stroking you lovingly.

Then, he removes himself again, your faces now just inches apart. "I think I can do that." He says, tilting his head again. A smile spreads across your face quickly. "Thank you, Este." You say, running a hand through his beard again, just like before, this causes him to purr lightly. He drops to the bed right beside you, and you turn to meet his gaze. Instantly, he lifts his arm, an open invitation for you to come closer. You move toward him, and he lowers his arm, pulling you into a warm hug, cuddling.

#esteban ocon #esteban ocon imagine #esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon x you #esteban ocon smut #esteban ocon fanfic #esteban ocon fanfiction #esteban ocon drabble #esteban ocon blurb #esteban ocon one shot #esteban ocon story #my writing: esteban ocon

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sainzfilm · 1 year

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🏡 coming home - esteban ocon 🏡

summary: the blizzard caused flights across the country to be cancelled, which ended up to be terrible on your boyfriend’s end as he wanted to come home to you for the holidays. would that stop him or are you spending christmas alone?

taglist: @svechyaho @squderia @idkiwantchocolatee @koufaxx @melonunicornbby @myescapefromthislife @slut-era @pachiibatt @estevries @dan3avocado @sidcrosbyspuck @barzysreputation @verclercswiftie @mick2mercedes @mehrmonga

check out my winter wonderland celebration!

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

Blindly reaching for your ringing phone over on the nightstand, you frowned as you checked the clock. It was nearly 4 in the morning, how did you manage to fall asleep while watching a film?

“You better be calling for a good reason,” You muttered sleepily, not bothering to check the caller ID, “I was asleep.”

“I should drop the call then,” Esteban joked nervously, pacing around the airport, “Sorry to wake you, darling.”

Smiling to yourself, you put the phone on loudspeaker and set it on the pillow, “What’s got you calling at this time?”

“Flights got cancelled, Y/N,” He sighed, running a hand down his face, “Apparently there’s a blizzard.”

If you weren’t awake earlier, you were definitely awake now. You were staring at the ceiling in the dark, feeling your heart drop and a frown forming on your face, “So…you can’t come home?”

Esteban raised a finger to a chauffeur, signaling to give him a moment, “I promise I’m trying to make ends meet, darling. I’m doing everything I can.”

“Yeah, I know,” You mumbled, deadpanned, “I’d rather have you safe than be in danger from coming home for Christmas.”

“Y/N…” Esteban said softly, loading his luggage in the van, “I’ll be home. That’s a promise.”

“Just be careful, I don’t know what plans you have,” You replied, sitting up on the bed, “I’m going to need occasional updates, Esteban.”

Nodding with a chuckle, Esteban replied, “I have to go now, I love you. Go back to sleep.”

“I love you,” You yawned, rubbing your eyes, “Be safe.”

As the line went silent, you sighed and switched the television to the local news, which definitely did not help the anxieties running through your head about your boyfriend’s safety.

On the other end, Esteban was sitting inside a van alongside a few other people, who wanted to get home for the holidays as much as he wanted to.

An elderly woman turns to him with a small smile, “Got your wife waiting for you back at home, son?”

“Oh, not my wife yet,” Esteban chuckled softly, his heart softening from the thought of you, “Still my girlfriend.”

“Are you planning to propose soon?” She questioned, “I hope you don’t mind me being a chatterbox.”

Nodding in response, Esteban smiled, “Definitely, she’s just…everything I’ve dreamed of.”

Patting the Frenchman’s shoulder, she replied, “Wishing the absolute best for the two of you.”

Esteban expressed his thanks before turning to stare out the window, snow hindering the visibility of the car to be at a normal speed. He fumbled with the charm that had your initial on his bracelet, wanting to hold you in his arms as soon as he can.

Back at home, you were wide awake. Esteban’s call woke you up at nearly 4 am, and you haven’t gotten any sleep since then. It’s nearly the end of the day, the moon starting to show up.

“Hey, love. I haven’t heard from you since the morning,” You said through the phone, twisting the promise ring on your finger, “I hope you’re safe. I just…I really hope you’ll be home soon.”

Sighing as you put the phone down, you set the food that you prepared on the table – despite the possible fact that Esteban not make it in time for you to welcome Christmas together.

Hearing your phone chime, you immediately grabbed it, only to feel disappointed that it wasn’t from Esteban.

Unknown Number: Happy Holidays! Your package with the tracking number of CSEN21HD8 will be attempted to be delivered today.

Upon reading the message, you frowned in confusion, you didn’t order anything that could possibly arrive at a time like this. In fact, you wondered as to whether or not this could be a faulty package.

Before your thoughts could further wander off, a knock on the door cut them off and you walked to see who it was through the peephole.

You opened the door slightly and frowned, mumbling to yourself, “There’s…no one there.”

Esteban peeked from the side and smiled, “You sure about that?”

“You’re home!” You exclaimed, opening the door wider to pull him in the tightest hug, “Oh, I’ve been worried sick. You didn’t respond to any of my voicemails!”

Esteban chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around you as he closed the door behind the two of you, “Awful reception, but I’m here now.”

“I’m glad you’re home in one piece,” You pulled away to kiss him on the cheek, dragging him to the dining room, “You must be hungry, do you need me to turn up the heater? You want to change clothes?”

“Darling, calm down, I’m alright,” He smiled, looking at you endearingly, “In fact, I have one thing I need to do.”

Humming as you went over to the switch to turn the heat up, “Yeah, what is- oh my god, Esteban.”

Esteban looked at you with a smile while he was down on one knee, a red velvet box in his hands, “Y/N, darling, I honestly don’t know where to begin. All I know is that you’re my person – and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

You had tears in your eyes, looking at your longtime boyfriend in awe, “Esteban…I’m.”

“I gave you that promise ring sitting on your finger right now to signify my never-ending love for you,” He continued on, “And now I want to give you this ring…what I’m trying to say is, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Nodding eagerly, you smiled brightly with a few tears falling down your cheeks, “A million times yes.”

Letting out a deep breath, Esteban stood up and held your hand, carefully slipping the ring on your finger and kissing it, “Merry Christmas, darling.”

You hugged him tightly, resting your chin on his chest with a smile brighter than the stars that sat on the sky, “Merry Christmas, love.”

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f1smutwriter · 1 month

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Esteban Ocon Masterlist

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#f1 smut #f1 imagine #esteban ocon smut #formula 1 smut #esteban ocon #esteban ocon fluff #esteban ocon imagine #esteban ocon blurb #esteban ocon fanfic #esteban ocon fic #esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon x you #esteban ocon x y/n

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pucksandpower · 2 months

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Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

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vinvantae · 4 months

Text

How the current f1 grid would react coming home from a race to find you’d fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for them to come home.

So this is me trying to get back into the groove, hope you like it! All just a bit of fun 🥰

There’s now a part 2!

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Below the cut because I don’t want to flood your dash 💙💙

#1 Max Verstappen

Max’s reaction would be entirely dependent on when his last Redbull was. If he was feeling just as sleep deprived as you, he’d squeeze onto the sofa with you and snuggle up beside you - smiling to himself as you grumbled into his chest about how much you’d missed him before the two of you dozed off, both eventually waking up with sore backs. But if he’d thrown back his millionth Redbull on the plane, just to ensure he was awake enough to see you - he would for sure prod his fingers into your sides, tickling you until you were squealing for him to stop, the biggest shit eating grin on his face. Max Emillian! Get those hands off of me! Before he’d kiss you deeply, showing you just how much he’d missed you.

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#2. Logan Sargeant

After draping a blanket over you, he’d cosy himself up in the adjacent armchair and distract himself with the TV on quietly or something on his phone until you woke up. And as you groggily moved from the sofa to the armchair, curling yourself up in his lap - complaining that he should’ve woken you up, it’s been too long without you, he’d simply smile and kiss your forehead. He’d then listen to you yap away about what he’d missed while he was gone, but truthfully, even when you were asleep your company was enough, because even if he felt lonely on the grid sometimes - he never felt like that with you.

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#3. Daniel Ricciardo

Daniel would stand over your sleeping body for a few moments - torn between waking you up because he misses you or just letting you sleep a while. But feeling particularly selfish after not the best race, he’d crouch next to your face and gently stroke his thumb over your cheek whilst calling your pet name to get your attention. And seeing your eyes light up at the sigh of him, launching yourself from your comfy spot on the sofa into his arms would make him forget all his worries - even for just a minute. You’d kiss all over his face, making him laugh. G’day to you too, Sheila, miss me that much?

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#4. Lando Norris

He wouldn’t even get the chance to notice you sleeping, hollering out your name as he came through the front door - kicking off his shoes and dumping his suitcase too was more than plenty to wake you up. As he comes into the living room to see you sitting up and rubbing your eyes - he’d wince and apologise for waking you, I am sooooo sorry, babe. Am I forgiven?, before coming over to give you a kiss. But you’d smile, rolling your eyes playfully and say you wouldn’t have him any other way before hauling him down onto the couch to join you.

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#10. Pierre Gasly

Pierre is a needy boyfriend - of course he’d never admit it but you and anyone with a pair of eyes could see it. He craved your attention so waking you up was something he would do without even thinking - just to get a kiss. So when you feel the sofa dip and a warm hand come up to rest on your shoulder, you let your eyes flutter open to see him smiling down at you. Bonjour, mon amour, I’ve missed you. And as he leans down to kiss you, you can’t help but playfully rib him for waking you up just for an ounce of attention.

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#14. Fernando Alonso

You wouldn’t even realise he was home until he’d placed a mug of your favourite hot drink on the coffee table. He was so quiet on his feet that he had a habit of making you jump so when you heard the soft Mi Amor of your lover, you jolted awake. Nando, you’re home - why didn’t you wake me sooner? He’d simply smile and hand you your drink, saying he didn’t want to disturb you and that it gave him time to unpack. As you sit up to drink, he’d nestle himself beside you and drape an arm across your shoulders, before the two of you would fall into a conversation about his weekend.

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#16. Charles Leclerc

Charles endeared you like no one else - every time he came home late from a race weekend, determined not to wake you, he always found himself dropping something or accidentally closing a door too loud. He wanted to let you sleep but this time it was the jar of coffee and the tiled floor that were his biggest enemy. Most people would freak at the sound of breaking glass while they slept, but to you it was the sign your clumsy boyfriend was home. He’d apologise profusely as you stepped into the kitchen with a tired smile on your face but you’d simply step around the glass to take his face in your hands and kiss him, getting rid of any worry.

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#18. Lance Stroll

With a gentle touch to your knee and a soft whisper of your name, Lance would smile to himself as you stretched out and yawned - matching his smile as you sat up to hug him. Before he’d reach into his bag and pull out something he’d seen he knew you’d love. You’d always scold him for buying you things but there was nothing Lance loved more than picking you out something from each country he visited. And you could never stay mad when you opened it, your boyfriend was the most thoughtful gift giver and never had he put something tasteless in your lap. And boy, did he love reaping the reward.

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#20. Kevin Magnussen

Coming home to a quiet house was rare for Kevin, so when he did - the driver did everything in his power to keep it that way. Knowing you’d somehow got the kids to sleep despite his pending return home, it was not something worth risking. So when he found you asleep on the sofa, clearly in an attempt to wait up for him as evidenced by the half drunk cup of coffee and the book splayed across your chest, he’d slide his arms underneath you and take the two of you to bed. Your body so tired that you barely registered the movement, only curling up into his chest once his strong arms wrapped around you.

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#22. Yuki Tsunoda

It was usually the smell of something cooking that woke you, no matter the hour - Yuki could never resist whipping both of you up something delicious because the plane home always made him hungry. So as you padded to the kitchen to peer over his shoulder, what’s cooking good lookin’? He’d apologise for waking you but would offer you a taste of whatever delicious food he’d decided to make and that was more than enough of an apology. And once you were up, you could sit contently on the counter as he rambled away about his weekend.

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#23. Alex Albon

After taking various photos of you snoozing, including an awful 0.5x close up that you’d have to wrestle his phone out of his hand to stop him posting to instagram once you discovered it, he’d wedge himself in behind you and wrap his arms around you - pressing a kiss to your warm forehead. Missed you he’d whisper gonna put you in my pocket next time, bring you with me. His long fingers tracing up and down your spine as you pressed your cheek against his chest, just enjoying the feelings of his arms around you once again. Not quite ready to wake up but determined to make the most of your time with him.

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#24. Zhou Guanyu

Thankfully, Guanyu was always quiet on his feet - moving around your shared space like he was floating on air, laying your favourite fluffy blanket over your body before checking the house for any remaining chores. But of course you’d done them all, and well he had missed you, so disturbing you just enough to move your head onto his lap so he could stroke his fingers through your hair was his next move. Watching the way you almost purred and pushed into his touch. How long have you been back? He’d simply brush his finger down the slope of your nose. Not long, want to head up to bed? Be comfier there.

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#31. Esteban Ocon

Mon lapin? Where are you? Esteban cursed under his breath when he realised he’d woken you up by calling out - but the guilt faded when you smiled giddily at him. Estie, mon amour, come here. Your arms outstretched for the Frenchman, giggling with glee when he practically launched himself into your arms - showering your face with kisses. He always missed you endlessly when you couldn’t join him on a race weekend, FaceTime couldn’t compare to the feeling of having you wrapped up with him.

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#44. Lewis Hamilton

Lewis was almost shocked when you and Roscoe didn’t greet him at the door, you loved making sure the old pup was there to greet his Dad. But after gently pushing off his shoes, leaving his luggage to deal with later, he moved into the lounge to find you and the bulldog curled up together on the sofa - Roscoe’s large head on your chest, little tail wagging as soon as he laid eyes on Lewis. Hey buds, looking good! He’d whisper, giving him a scratch. You and Mama having a good nap, huh? He’d smile as you stretched your arms out above your head, his name leaving your lips softly before he lent down to kiss you. Let me make us some tea.

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#55. Carlos Sainz

Carlos always craved your touch, but when the two of you had to spend time apart - he felt like his skin was on fire. So as he stepped into your home and found you dozing on the sofa he couldn’t help but feel his shoulders slump for just a moment before kneeling beside you - letting his tanned fingers trace up the exposed skin of your legs. Corazón, I’m home. You blinked hard a few times to wake yourself up but before you could even think, his strong arms scooped you up and off the sofa. Carlos! You’d laugh, as he tossed you on the bed, crawling between your legs, his lips tugged into a smirk. I’ve been without you for too long, Mi Vida. Need you.

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#63. George Russell

You hadn’t even realised George was home, but when you woke up - both of you were dozing in bed, the Brit had moved you upstairs, somehow without waking you up. George, love? How come you didn’t wake me? His long arms would wind around you and pull you in close, nuzzling his face into your neck - warm breath fanning across your skin. You just looked so peaceful and I was tired so I thought we may as well just sleep. You hummed, pushing your fingers through his hair with a gentle smile on your face. I’ll let you off this once, missed you loads.

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#77. Valtteri Bottas

It was late when Valtteri got in, so he assumed you’d already be tucked up in bed - but when he saw you on the sofa, sleeping features illuminated by the soft glow of the table lamp he couldn’t help but feel a tug at his heartstrings at your effort to wait up for him. Carefully, he pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and laid it over you before putting out the candle you’d accidentally left burning, no wonder it smelt so good in here. But, he didn’t want you to wake up with a bad back in the morning so reluctantly, he gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze. Hi, ready to go to bed? You hummed and kissed him softly. Tried to wait up for you. Val smiled and helped you to your feet, before the two of you headed upstairs for a good night's sleep.

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#81. Oscar Piastri

You’d been so excited when you got Oscar’s text that his plane had landed that you were determined to wait up for him - but before long you were out cold, a movie playing in the background and your phone discarded on the floor where it had slipped from your fingers. As he came in he could hear the tv so naturally assumed you were awake, so he would move quickly to get to you - only to find you fast asleep. Oscar smiled gently, picking your phone up off the floor and turning off the tv. He wanted to let you sleep but he’d missed you so dearly, and wanting nothing more than to hear your voice he decided to wake you. Oscar! You beamed, jumping into his arms - wrapping yourself around him. You’re here, you’re home! He nestled himself up in your arms, enjoying the warmth of your body against his - feeling the stress melt away. Definitely worth waking you up for.

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Hope y’all enjoyed this lil something

Didn’t write for Perez and Hulkenburg because I just don’t feel confident or comfortable doing so!

Thank u to @carsgonyoom @vetteltea and @danielfuckingricciardo for letting me annoy u with it first 💙

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libraryofloveletters · 4 months

Text

Behind The Curtains

Esteban Ocon x Fem!Reader

Warnings: teammate!reader, alcohol and the consumption of, the mechanics bully estie, drunk estie, love confessions, pure sweetness.

Word Count: 348

Author's Note: estie is so sweet and baby, you can't expect me to write him any other way.

A school boy crush on his teammate; all it takes is a few sips of liquor and a photo booth to reveal his true feelings.

The Alpine Christmas party was tonight and the venue was packed, the party going and the drinks flowing.

Esteban doesn't normally drink but for such an occasion and with a little bit of peer pressure from his mechanics, he gave in and had a few shots with them.

A few shots fucked him right up.

The man spun around, gigging and chatting the entire night. It wasn't abnormal to see him like that, because Esteban was a very social person regardless of if he drank or not. You were also doing the same thing, going around and thanking your team for all the hard work that season.

Someone bumps into you from behind; Esteban.

"Hello you," your arm wraps around him, keeping him in place. Esteban's arm goes over your shoulder. "Hi y/n!" He grins, "you look soooooo pretty tonight."

Your eyebrows raise, laughing. "Thank you estie, you look nice too."

He gives you another goofy grin. "Hm thanks." The man looks around, seeing if he can walk over to sit somewhere when he spots the Photo Booth. "Come on y/n!" His hand in yours as he pulls you through the crowd to the booth.

You sit with him, pulling the curtain shut. Esteban presses the button, the countdown beginning. His arm over your shoulder, your cheeks pressed together as you grinned at the camera. The bright flash shocked your eyes.

The two of you were often affectionate with each other, you were good friends. The fans ship you two but you always laughed it off.

He turns to you, a big smile on his face. "What?" You asked him.

Esteban smiles, nose brushing against yours. "I like you."

Your eyes widen, "what?"

"I like you," he whispers again, the camera flashing as you two giggle. You pull him close, kissing him softly when the camera flashes once more.

You two collect your pictures, Esteban telling you he's keeping his in his wallet. You laugh, saying that was cheesy before you take a photo of your copy, posting it to your instagram story.

Consequences be damned.

#holiday extravaganza blurbs 23 #esteban ocon #esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon x you #esteban ocon x y/n #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #f1 imagine #f1 blurb

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daydreamingleclerc · 2 years

Text

two plus two is four - mick schumacher

summary: in which, your boyfriend finds out you’re pregnant after you play a game of pregnancy test roulette.

warnings: a little bit of smut midway through it nothing too graphic, swearing, babies, confusion, uncles charles, carlos, este and seb!

requested: no

notes: yes... i’ve written yet another self indulgent pregnancy fic... anyway....

huddled over the bathroom counter, the four of you - charlotte, elena, isabel and you - kept eager eyes on the pregnancy tests sitting on the counter.

it was a funny idea you’d seen circling around on tiktok, a group of friends would all take a pregnancy test, write their initials on it, mix them around and take one from the counter to see if any of the members were pregnant.

it was a stupid decision right from the get-go, especially considering none of you could wait until you got back to the closest house, so you took them in the shopping center bathroom.

“what’re we gonna do if any of us are pregnant?” charlotte asked, nibbling at her finger ever so slightly.

“nothing, because we won’t be,” you shrugged, but your face quickly lit up in a smirk, “why? have you got something you want to say, lottie?”

she scowled over at you, the back of her knuckles skimming your bare shoulder as she attempted to shove you, but missed. isabel frowned — she’d just had a baby, a gorgeous baby girl called zoe, who was spending the day with her daddy at the beach, and she really wasn’t prepared for another.

“zoe’s only six months,” she sighed, “i think carlos might faint if i’m pregnant again.”

“are you?” you asked, wiggling around your eyebrows in isabel’s direction. she shrugged her shoulders, and you could see the genuine panic on her face, and when she didn’t answer straight away, the panic in her body language became clear.

“i know i’m not pregnant,” elena said quietly after a few minutes, “because unlike you—” she pointed at the three of you, “—esteban and i are safe.”

“mick and i are safe!” you laughed, swatting her hand away. for a minute, you’d truly convinced yourself that you had nothing to worry about, that your life wasn’t about to completely change — but oh, how wrong you were.

charlotte’s phone dinged and the alarm chimed, signifying that the two minutes were up. the initials were on the back of everyone’s tests and you made sure to have a different one to your own — you had charlotte’s, charlotte had isabel’s, isabel had elena’s and elena had yours.

“times up, i’ll read it out first, ready?” you asked, and when they all nodded, charlotte looked at you with eager, yet anxious eyes, “charlotte sine, you are not pregnant.”

she did a little dance around on the spot, and then turned her attention to isabel, who — much to her relief — was not pregnant. “thank god for that,” she sighed, whispering something in spanish that you didn’t understand.

elena too, wasn’t pregnant, and in hindsight you wanted to scream at her for being so smug. you were almost one hundred percent certain yours would come back negative, until — “Y/N, you’re pregnant.”

“what?!”

the silence was deafening, and you felt as if your knees were going to give way underneath you. “elly, please tell me you’re joking,” you breathed steadily. the three girls all huddled around the stick in elena’s hands, while you stood opposite, gripping the counter so harshly your fingers turned completely white.

“Y/N, she’s not joking,” charlotte whispered, pulling the test from elena’s hands and handing it out to you, “see.”

despite charlotte’s shaky hands, you could clearly see a second line. you racked your brain in your panic, frustrating yourself when you couldn’t pinpoint a night it could’ve happened — but that’s because it didn’t happen at night.

“i’m gonna be sick,” you groaned, kicking open the door of the closest cubicle and leaning over the bowl. elena was quick to grab your hair, and isabel kneeled beside you and rubbed your back soothingly. “i’m twenty three, mick and i have only been together for eighteen months, he’s gonna completely freak if i tell him i’m pregnant!”

“maybe he won’t,” isabel hummed, playing devils advocate, but she soon changed the subject when you shot her a look full of daggers. “do you know how this happened?”

you shrugged your shoulders, resting your cheek on the cool china of the toilet seat — this was officially the lowest moment of your adult life. “about six weeks ago,” you felt awkward giving the details of your sex life to them, especially in a public bathroom, but you’d just vomited horrendously, so you were sure it would only get better. “we’re normally so careful, but there was one morning where we thought we’d be fine — but he pulled out and everything,” you furrowed your eyebrows, “how am i gonna tell him?”

“maybe it’s a false pregnancy,” charlotte offered, “it might help to do another one just so we have a definitive answer,” she furrowed her eyebrows, “have you not skipped a period?”

you shook your head, “i don’t get periods, lottie, and if i do they’re always months apart,” you could feel a horrendous amount of vomit sitting inside of your stomach, waiting to be brought up but you fought it off, “i didn’t even think i could have kids, how am i gonna tell him without him freaking out?”

isabel and elena looked at one another – you were being stupid. elena had heard countless times from mick about how much he loved you, and how much he wished you would stay in his life forever. elena believed – and on some level, she may have been right – that mick already knew you were pregnant.

“all he ever does is talk about you and family and how much he adores you,” elena reassured you, her other hand stroking at your palm, “i promise that mick will be ecstatic, just look at the way he treats zoe,” she paused, looking at isa, “that man was born to be a father, i’m telling you, Y/N.”

“okay, maybe you're right,” for a moment, the three girls almost took a sigh of relief, “but what if he walks away when i tell him i am gonna go through with this? what then?”

“then…” charlotte trailed off, before kneeling down beside you and joining the three of you on the floor, “then that little boy or girl will have three aunts and three uncles who adore the pants off of them.”

“really?” you perked up, a soft, but exhausted smile on your lips.

“oh yeah,” isa smiled, “we won’t let you do this all on your own.”

despite isabel saying that she and the girls wouldn’t let you go through this pregnancy alone, there was one thing you had to do without them – your first scan.

several weeks had passed since that day, and mick was none the wiser. you weren’t one hundred percent sure how or why he hadn’t cottoned on, but you made sure to wear clothing that was a slightly looser fit than usual, and you were careful not to slip up. nobody apart from the girls – and carlos – knew; as a father himself, he realised quickly that you’d had a change in demeanor and it didn’t take long for the ball to drop.

you’d planned for an afternoon where you could all get together, nothing big or important, just for you and mick, with the girls, charles, carlos, esteban, sebastian and hanna. as much as you wanted mick’s parents and sister, as well as your own parents, you thought it might’ve been slightly too overwhelming for your boyfriend, especially if he frowned upon you making the decision to keep his child.

carlos had done his best to keep the boys from even clocking it, dragging them all to golf early that morning to give you some peace and quiet. sebastian and hanna arrived together, along with their kids, earlier than you’d asked them to. isa, elena and charlotte were already there too, making the livingroom look admirable.

seb’s children snuck away almost as soon as they arrived to go and play with angie and bobby after giving you a cuddle. “i told you guys not to get here until three thirty,” you smiled, giving each of them a kiss on the cheek.

“we know,” sebastian laughed, handing you a present, “but we thought we’d come early to congratulate you on the pregnancy.”

“how did you–”

“—because we’ve been there too, Y/N, the invite was frantic, you’re wearing slightly loose fitting clothes and you’re so worried you’re gonna slip up, you’ve gone quiet,” he chuckled, kissing your cheek, “mick’ll be a great dad.”

“let’s hope he doesn’t freak out first.” you sighed, running your hands over your face. before sebastian could comfort you anymore, the doorbell chimed. isabel, charlotte and elena all emerged at the living room door, and ushered sebastian and hanna inside.

“did somebody order a bouquet?” mick asked you when you swung open the door, a big, bright toothy grin covering his face as he held a big, red bouquet of roses in front of you.

“what’re these for?” you asked him, taking the bouquet and admiring the beautiful flowers. mick just smiled, kissing your cheek and stroking your chin.

“no reason,” he said, “i just love you.”

everybody surrounding you could’ve gagged there and then at his sweetness, at the delicate nature in which he treated you. you couldn’t help but smile, a real, genuine smile that lit up the apples of your cheeks. “i love you too, mick.”

carlos, charles and esteban piled into the house, just like they always did after mick brought them back after a round of golf. “i promised them we’d cook dinner,” he said, his hand resting on the small of your back as he followed you into the kitchen, “‘s that okay?”

“mhm,” you nodded, barely even listening to him as he spoke. he rested his chin on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around your waist as you sorted the roses, and you wondered then if he could sense the pregnancy. “i invited the girls round anyway while you were all out, and sebastian’s popped in too.”

“oh, so that’s why angie and bobby haven’t come up to say hello.” he scrunched his nose, and you leaned around and pressed your lips to his.

mick’s lips pressed against your neck and you shivered in his embrace, the feeling all too familiar — and you knew where you’d end up if he carried on. “mick, c’mon we’ve got guests,” you giggled, attempting to wriggled away from his lips but you failed, allowing him to work his way down your neck softly, “we can’t leave them waiting.”

mick hummed against your neck, running his hands along the waistband of your leggings. at this point as of the last 10 days, you’d stop him because you were worried he would feel the bump; but it was hardly noticeable even to you.

he carried on, dipping his fingers underneath the waistband and kissing down your neck once more. “believe me, if you were wearing one of their jersey’s i think they’d understand,” his middle finger circled your clit and you shivered, too wrapped up in the moment to even stop him as your eyes fluttered closed, “besides, charles is a good cook, we can let him do it.”

“i’m not cooking dinner so you guys can fuck,” charles piped up from the kitchen doorway. your face went bright red, and mick shielded you while simultaneously pulling his arm from your leggings. “god, you’re insufferable.”

“don’t act like you and charlotte aren’t any better,” you rolled your eyes, continuing with separating the roses as if that never even happened, “remember bali?”

charles’ face lit up in a gradual smirk as he thought back to the time where you were all on holiday together and as you left for the beach without charles and charlotte, you were the unlucky one who forgot your sunglasses and ventured into the villa only to find them going at it full throttle on the floor beside the pool.

you and mick followed everybody into the living room and watched with grotesque faces as everybody swapped sex stories and charles told everybody about the gruesome discovery he walked into in the kitchen. mick pulled you down beside him, so you were nuzzled next to him on his armchair in the corner of the room that was reminiscent of his fathers, just about big enough for the two of you.

he began to sense an element of nervousness within you, one which he’d never really seen before. you were fidgety, and you were quiet — which was rare in itself, because you were normally always the one who brought out the stories.

“are you okay?” mick whispered, running his fingers on your stomach underneath his shirt.

you shifted, almost certain that he knew about the baby. charlotte and carlos caught onto what was going on, your hushed tones and fidgety movements, and they watched you eagerly.

“mick, there’s something i need to tell you,” you said, your voice barely a whisper yet the whole room had eyes on you. panic flashed across mick’s face, worried as to what you were going to say. “i, uh, i don’t really know how to tell you.” your eyes burned with tears, and for a moment mick thought you were going to tell him that there was somebody else, and that the somebody else in question was in this room. he could see your hands shaking, and your voice wobbled every time you tried to speak.

“you haven’t cheated on me, have you?” he asked, and immediately you shook your head; no. he breathed a sigh of relief and instinctively you brought a hand up to rest on his chin. mick kissed your thumb, “baby, you can tell me, whatever it is, i won’t be mad, you know that.”

mick’s hands came to rest on your cheeks now, his thumbs situated under your eyes so they could rub away any tears. everyone watched you eagerly, their anticipation hanging so heavily it was ready to burst at any moment.

“mickie, baby,” you whispered, kissing his palms, and using the nickname only he allowed you to give him; not even his mother was allowed to call him that. “i’m pregnant.”

as soon as the words left your lips, it felt like a huge weight off of your shoulders, but for everyone else it was unexpected. isa began to sob, and carlos wrapped a hand around her shoulders as the pair reminisced. charles’ mouth swung open, his jaw almost hitting the floor as he listened to the words leave your mouth, and esteban had to ask elena, sebastian and hanna if he’d heard you correctly.

mick’s face lit up almost immediately, although at first he had a look of disbelief in his eyes. his smile grew and grew until it couldn’t grow any wider. he brought your face closer to his, and he kissed you softly.

“du bist schwanger?” (you’re pregnant?)

“ja, mick,” you smiled back, forehead pressed against his, “i am.”

“are you sure?”

he knew the question was stupid — you wouldn’t have gotten so worked up if the answer wasn’t a definite yes.

“when did this happen?” he furrowed his eyebrows all while still smiling, “we’re always safe.”

“silverstone, baby,” you whispered, “the morning after, and we didn’t have anything with us because we were with my parents.”

mick shivered at the thought, flashbacks of the sex ran wild in his head and he had to think of something else before he embarrassed himself in front of the guests. “but i pulled out..”

“obviously not quick enough, mickie.” charles and carlos taunted, but after a quick slap from their significant others and a look of daggers from you, they kept quiet. you hopped out of mick’s lap and handed him the small bag you’d hidden down the side of one of the sofa cushions, rubbing charles’ head like a little puppy as he still sat there in disbelief.

“here,” you smiled, and admired his smile as he took it. “i had the first scan this morning.”

“how many weeks are you?”

esteban lulled you and mick out of your little bubble and you turned back to face him. mick was too engrossed in the little post-it’s you scribbled on, with a photocopy of the scan that you could point things out with. “ten,” you hummed. before you could open your mouth to continue the sentence, mick almost jumped out of the seat and took you with him.

“baby, wir haben zwillinge?”

“mick, german,” you nudged him with a giggle, with only sebastian and hanna catching the gist of what he was saying. he looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, “baby, you said it in german, say it in english.”

“we’re having twins?”

poor charles sitting in the corner almost had a heart attack, you felt for the poor boy because you felt the same when you were told at the hospital. carlos cheered, and esteban threw himself back on the sofa with his hands over his face in disbelief at the fact that he would now, undoubtedly, be an uncle to two schumacher babies. seb just smiled on at you and mick proudly; you really would be great parents.

“yes, mickie, we’re having twins,” you kissed him softly, “surprise.”

he wrapped his arms around you and in turn you nuzzled yourself in the crook of his neck. “i love you,” he whispered, “and our babies.”

“i love you too, mick,” you kissed his nose, and started laughing at the outpour of noise that was coming from behind you. “our babies will be loved for all of eternity, and not just by us.”

“god forbid we ever ban them from seeing these guys,” he laughed, “you and i will no longer be their favourites.”

you kissed his nose once more, “that’s not a bad thing.”

“no, in fact, it’s perfect,” he said, “but maybe now we can persuade charles to cook dinner so we can finish what we started in the kitchen earlier.”

#mick schumacher #mick schumacher blurb #mick schumacher one shot #mick schumacher blurbs #mick schumacher smut #mick schumacher fluff #mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher x y/n #mick schumacher x you #mick schumacher fanfic #formula one #formula one x you #formula one x y/n #formula one x reader #charles leclerc #carlos sainz jr #sebastian vettel #esteban ocon

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formulalfc · 5 months

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blurbs with shan ;) rambles about my fave drivers

an- just re-doing my masterlists, every driver i write for is on my pinned post on my account, love you all <3

inbox is open feel free to send me some ramble requests <3

charles leclerc

domestic sunday with charles

you guys get matching ferrari's

realising charles is the one after your boyfriend breaks your heart

daniel ricciardo

supporting danny at his first race back

lance stroll

you and lance get hitched in vegas

lance and his new facial hair 18+

innocent readers first time with lance 18+

lance being grateful you're by his side

lando norris

lando's home 18+

looking after lando when he hurts himself

lando between your thighs 18+

lewis hamilton

lewis protecting you from the media

lewis talking about you in an interview

you and lewis get touchy on the dancefloor 18+

lewis is sick and just wants you

daddy kink with lewis 18+

lewis giving you a massage

#formulalfc #blurbs with shan ;)#formula 1 #formula one #f1 #lewis hamilton #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #lando norris #lance stroll #oscar piastri #george russell #alex albon #logan sargeant #pierre gasly #esteban ocon #max vertsappen #daniel ricciardo #yuki tsunoda

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agendabymooner · 4 months

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SOMETHING AGREEABLE !!! ESTEBAN O. X FEM!READER X PIERRE G. (18+)

summary: the two alpine drivers were always thought to have been rivals. but little did people know, they’ve always had an affinity for one thing and she was something of a middle ground for them.

content warning: smut under the cut (minors dni!), blurb because i’m tryna get out of a writing slump, explicit language, double penetration, dumbification and size kink if you squint, mentions of team relationships (drivers friendships etc), french dialogue

note: “we have a french sandwich at home” the french sandwich at home:

enjoy xx

something sinful (smut) masterlist

a - n masterlist // o - z masterlist

if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out

people always assumed that the two alpine drivers were nothing but rivals within close proximity.

they always wondered how esteban ocon and pierre gasly interacted off the track and during their meetings, and if they were on each other’s throats all the time.

both men had scoffed when they were asked about their relationship off the track— and how they were often pit against each other.

pierre thought that this was outrageous that he even dropped names of teams that showed lack of off-track friendships or even relationships, telling the reporter that not even his best friend charles leclerc and carlos sainz had something of a friendship away from the cameras.

esteban and pierre’s friendship was genuine, unlike most people in the grid. even if the alpine duo would argue, they’d always find a middle ground.

one in the form of a woman, who was stuck between two bodies as esteban and pierre fucked her whilst her lips offered nothing but silent gasps and incoherent mumbles.

esteban’s arms hooked under her legs as he devoured her mouth sweetly, his cock pistoning in and out of her cunt and making lewd noises as he did so. he hadn’t even allowed her to hook her legs around his hips, instead he lifted her as he thrusted and out of her while he stood.

she could feel her heart beat rapidly moving, saliva sliding down her bare tits as she craved for more.

“une fille si impatiente,” such an eager girl. esteban tutted, wiping the liquid off her lips away as he continued to bottom out inside of her. “do you like that, mon cherie?”

“ye- yeah,” she stammered quietly, crying out when pierre thrusted inside her hole and bottomed out as well. she sunk into both of their cocks, her holes completely filled by their girth and length as she babbled, “oh, oh- fuck. ‘m so full.”

“yes you are, bebe,” pierre growled from behind her as he and esteban began to thrust inside her. he then taunted her and nipped her ear, “si serré pour nous. est-ce que tu aimes ça? se faire baiser plein de nos bites?” so tight for us. do you like this? being fucked full of our cocks?

she wasn’t able to pick up on any words after they began to move once more, her mind going on an overdrive as the two men took over her senses and had her brain melting. her mind was overwhelmed with pleasure and the feeling of both of their cocks inside her holes.

“she can’t even speak,” esteban smiled smugly when she uttered nothing but a silent scream, her eyes rolling back as esteban repeatedly hit the sensitive spot inside her pussy. “i think we fucked her too much.” he laughed with pierre.

pierre’s hands snaked around her stomach as he murmured, “look at you, bebe. i can feel estie’s dick inside of you. so big no?”

“mm,” she cried quietly, now being lifted up and down by esteban and pierre as they increased their pace. “oh fuck! s’good. please fuck me harder, please.”

pierre merely looked at esteban and exchanged smiles with him, eager to fuck her as she wanted.

after all, she was someone that they could always agree on. talk about real friendship.

♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor @roseandtulips @woweewoowa @magnummagnussen @happy-nico @architect-2015

♡ moony’s reminder 🅴 (explicit edition): @glitterf1 @savrose129 @maxillness

#esteban ocon smut #esteban ocon imagine #pierre gasly smut #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly x reader #esteban ocon x reader #f1 smut #♔ something sinful ⎯ f1 smut #formula one imagine #eo31 #pg10 #pierresteban

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the-offside-rule · 1 year

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Esteban Ocon (Alpine) - Bad Reputation

Requested: on wattpad

Prompt: Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes

Warnings: mentions of s€x

"Wait. You know her?" Esteban asked in confusion. He was with his friends at his house. The boys asked to see the girl that he was always banging on about so he gave in and showed them her picture but he wasn't expecting anyone to know who she was. "Who doesn't know her? She used to be Brandon's fuck buddy mate." Esteban's world came tumbling down. He had spent so long looking for the perfect girl and this just...now what? "You're wrong." Esteban mumbles. "What? Mate, are you okay in the head? She's basically a whore." That was the final straw. "Get out of my house. All of you." He grabbed their coats and chucked them to his friends. "What do you mean? Why are you getting so mad over a whore?" Esteban wasn't having any of it. He shoved them out of the door and locked it behind him. He had to see Y/n. He had to know the truth. He ran to his phone and looked desperately for her contact. The phone began ringing and just as quickly as he dialled the number, she picked up. "Hey. What's up?" Her cheery voice said through the phone. "The guys are gone home. Do you want to come over?" He tried his best to not sound phased but deep down he was. It frightened him. "Yeah sure. I'll be there soon. See ya!" She hung up and he was left in silence.

His doorbell soon rang and it didn't take long for him to answer. He swung the door open and felt a relief seeing her beaming smile and bouncy eyes. "Are you doing okay? You look awfully pale." She said concerned. He nodded and brought her into his living room. She sat down and watched as he paced. "You're clearly not okay. What's going on?" Esteban ran his fingers through his short hair. "I don't know how to ask this, how to put it into words without-" He let out a loud groan. "You're really starting to worry me Esteban. What's up? Just tell me. You know you can say anything-" She didn't finish her sentence because she was cut off by Esteban. "Did you sleep with Brandon?" The colour drained from her face. She remembered that name, that person. She remembered everything he did to her and how Esteban could have easily gotten ear of the wrong side of the story. "I didn't sleep with him but if you'll let me, can I please tell my side of the story?" Esteban nodded. He wasn't mad, he just wanted to know why she didn't tell him. He wasn't going to let her ex affect the relationship he wanted with her.

"I was seventeen when I met him. We began dating not so long after and because I'd never had a boyfriend before, I kinda didn't care. I was like every girl around me, normal apparently. At my eighteenth birthday, he asked for a handjob and I said no because I wasn't ready. He then asked for a nude instead so he could at least do it himself so my inexperienced self agreed because I didn't want to lose him. I thought he cared about me. So I did it and sent it but then-" She paused to stop herself from crying but couldn't help it. The tears streamed down her face. Esteban felt horrible. He didn't want her feeling this way and he felt somehow responsible. "He sent it around to his friends and said we had sex which isn't true at all! I wanted to wait because I wasn't ready, I wanted it to mean something and now he just runs around telling people that I'm a whore and I can't seem to get anyone to stay all because of him. He's just- I hate him so much and it takes a lot for me to hate someone. "

"Hey, it doesn't matter. You've got me at least. I didnt believe a word of what I was told about you. I knew they just git the wrong side of the story." Y/n smiled. This was the first time she felt comfortable around someone in a long time. She got trust issues with everyone she met but now Esteban came an d knocked them all down, he actually listened to her talking. "I don't know if this is a misopportune time or if it's inappropriate at this moment but I love you. I have loved you for a while now, I just didn't know how to go about it really so I'm saying it now. I love you." And now he's saying she loves her? Her day can't possibly get any better. "You really love me? You don't care about-" He cuts her off with a kiss. She melts into it, just taking in every moment of this wishing it would last forever. "I don't care about who you were, I care about who you are and who you are going to be. I love you, end of story." He wipes the tears from her cheeks, leaving traces of mascara mixed with tears on his thumbs. "I really, really love you too Esteban. I- this is going to sound silly but do you mind maybe kissing me again?" That was all the confirmation he needed. He had secured the girl he loved not for her looks but for who she was inside and for him, it was the inside that mattered; her Bad Reputation didn't do anything for him, he loved her for her normal, caring self, for her.

#f1 oneshots #f1 oneshot #f1 blurb #f1 imagine #f1 #esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon oneshot #esteban ocon fanfic #esteban ocon

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lxndonorris · 8 months

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encouragement x Esteban Ocon

Y/N x Esteban Ocon Theme: Smutish, Touching (not too explicit) At the start of the race weekend, you spend some time with Esteban, giving him a kiss (and more) for good luck ;) x word count: tag list: @game-set-canet

Time flies when you're enjoying yourself, and that's exactly what happened to this year's summer break. You spent all of your time with your boyfriend, Esteban, mostly on his yacht with a few of your friends, but now it's time for him to go racing again.

It's Saturday when you find yourself inside the paddock, specifically inside Esteban's motorhome, reminiscing about the past few weeks. Dreamily, you're watching the blue sky through the window, thinking about nothing in particular, just the feeling of blissful lightheartedness. Those weeks flew by without a care in the world, and being back in the paddock is a two-edged sword. On the one hand, you love watching Esteban race and cheering for him, swooning over every move he makes, but on the other hand, you also love spending every second of the day with him without any responsibilities.

Still daydreaming, you suddenly feel a pair of hands on your waist, holding you shortly before they make their way along your waistline, where their fingers meet and intertwine themselves, pulling you back into a loving hug. Immediately, your back is covered in a comforting warmth, encouraging your entire body to melt into the hug, embracing it completely.

"Mhmm." Esteban growls quietly with his mouth so close to your ear that just the sound of his growls sends shivers down your spine. It feels like you're still on the boat, and when you close your eyes, you can see yourself actually standing there, watching the ocean carelessly roam about.

"Esteban." You breathe deeply and place a hand right on his, brushing across his soft skin with just the tips of your fingers. As you turn your head to meet his face, he uses this to place a gentle kiss on your neck. "That feels so good." You smile, and just then, the faint scent of his cologne enters your nostrils. It's hovering all around him, a thin veil of that oh-so-beautiful, familiar scent.

Esteban still growls in agreement, and slowly, you turn yourself around inside his loving embrace. His hands stay in place, making sure to keep you close to him, and to steady yourself, you place both of your hands on his firm chest.

He's wearing his Alpine racing suit; those colors look so good on him, and his hair is nicely done, even though that cap lying on the cupboard next to you is going to hide soon. However, his suit is not zipped up fully, so you can spot the tight fireproofs underneath his suit. You missed seeing him in his racing attire. It suits him so well, and you're so happy to be able to join him this weekend.

Your mind is slowly but steadily slipping away again as you let your eyes wander all over his body, following the movements of your hands and drawing lines across his chest. Enjoying how it feels, a coy smile forms in the corner of your lips, even though you would love to be on the boat again, admiring his beautiful form in its entirety.

Instinctively, Esteban's hands wander toward your butt, causing that coy smile to grow even bigger.

"A penny for your thoughts?" He says it with a rougher voice than usual, sending shivers down your back.

Lifting your head slightly, your eyes meet instantly. There is a spark glinting in his gorgeous eyes—the same spark shimmering throughout every day of summer break. This time, it's his burning desire to finally race again. It's his passion and his life, after all. You can tell by the way his hands move to the small of your back or how that mischievous smirk spreads across his whole face.

His demeanor is contagious, and you're mirroring him right away. "I just missed...this." You stroke his chest harder, feeling his muscles and his chest through his clothes.

As Esteban purrs contently, you feel his fingers brush over the small of your back again and again. Esteban is enjoying this very much, which makes it even better for you.

"You look so good, babé." You lean into him, breathing against his mouth.

With a huge smirk, he embraces your lips with his own. He melts into you, kissing you back. "Y/N." He moans silently at you.

At the same time, you let one of your hands slip inside his suit, feeling all of him, especially his pecs and nipples, grow harder and harder with every second that goes by. You love teasing him, and having been with him for nearly two years now, you know which buttons to push to make him yours.

"Naughty, aren't we?" Esteban growls with an enormous smile on his lips as you brush your fingers over his hard nipples once, then twice. He then uses his tongue to explore your mouth, leaving drops of his delicious taste all over your tongue.

You can tell he's getting more and more into it, but sadly, there isn't that much time before he's about to get ready for qualifying. Reluctantly, you separate yourself just enough to still feel his warm lips lingering on yours.

"How about we make a little deal?" You smirk, with your hand still inside his suit and your fingers tracing the visible outlines of his muscles through every line of his abs.

"That can't be good." He chuckles, holding back a soft, longing moan. His hands are now back at your butt, clinging on to you, not wanting this moment to pass that quickly.

"Well." You giggle shortly. "If you do good today, we can finish this once we're back at the hotel." Licking your lips, you make sure to tease him a little more just by stroking him around his navel.

Esteban lifts his chin, looking at you with a fire now burning deep inside his eyes.

"Oh? What is that?" He shakes his head slowly, playing the oblivious one.

Closing your eyes for a second, you move your other hand to his waist and even further down to his crotch. Right away, you can tell he's enjoying all of this very much. He can't hide the desire forming inside his suit, but Esteban doesn't want to.

As soon as you place a hand gently on the tent forming inside his trousers, he starts to purr again.

"How about that?" You smirk innocently, leaning in again, but this time, your lips barely brush over his. "Do we have a deal?" You breathe against his mouth, right into his mouth, and he's taking it in before letting out a soft grunt.

"Oh, you're on." He takes his chance, stealing one more kiss. You embrace him for a moment before you separate from each other.

With a look at the clock, you both know that there is not much time left. As he grabs his cap, you take another look at his beautiful body. He looks so good, even with that cap on.

"Let's go." He winks playfully and reaches for your hand. Gladly, you take it, and together, you head for the Alpine garage.

#esteban ocon x reader #esteban ocon smut #esteban ocon imagine #esteban ocon x you #esteban ocon fanfiction #esteban ocon blurb #esteban ocon one shot

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russellsppttemplates · 13 days

Note

Could you do a Lance blurb in which Lance and the reader take the girls to race week where the grid and the rest of the Aston Martin team meet for the first time the newest member of the Stroll Family, as well as some drivers like Fernando and Ocon giving a gift to Genevieve at the to the point where the reader is gets very emotional to know that her youngest daughter has not been in the world for long and is very loved by everyone like Margot and Addalynn are.

Silverstone seemed to be a good race for Genevieve to make her first paddock appearance. It was close to home, so travelling wouldn't be an issue and it wouldn't mess up your routine, the whole family would be there and you felt at ease to do it.

As you stepped inside the hospitality, Fernando was the first person you encountered, his eyes lighting up when he saw you, "Y/N! I haven't seen you in so long", he said before he looked at the way your hands supported the bundled baby that was sleeping on your chest, "can I see her?", he mused.

"Yes, of course - little one, this is uncle Fernando", you cooed, lowering the fabric around her back so her face wasn't as nestled to you.

"Look at you, little princess, don't you have the cutest face, you're so beautiful - and I have a present for you, I've been saving it in my driver's room until you payed us a visit - one second", he excused himself.

Fernando came back with a small bag, "this is from me and Melissa - we found it in a shop over the winter break and we thought it would be perfect for this time of the year", he smiled as you took the piece of clothing out. It was a cute overall in a light mauve colour, "it's very soft and the lady in the shop handmakes them and babies really love them!", he offered.

"Thank you, Fernando, this is so nice", you said before hugging his side.

"I have to go to the meeting, but I'm very happy I was the first one to catch a glimpse of the littlest Stroll babygirl", he smiled.

News travelled fast as everyone seemed to come and say hello to you and the baby, always respectful and mindful of it all.

When Esteban spotted you, you, Lance and the girls were sitting in one of the tables outside, kissing Margot's and Addalynn's heads before he turned to you, "I left a little present inside - your mother took it with her", he spoke to Lance before he looked at the little girl sitting on your lap, "I caught you wide awake, didn't I? Hello, Viv, I'm Esteban and I'm very happy to meet you. How has your day been?", he asked.

"How has your day been? That's not a question you ask a baby, Esteban", you heard Mick say as he approached, "hey gorgeous girl", he waved as Genevieve let out an excited squeal as she stretched her hands to grab on his hair, "see? Barely a minute and I'm her favourite", he smirked before highfiving the older girls.

Back in the hotel room, the girls were already asleep so you could get ready for bed, getting distracted in brushing the tangles out of your hair until Lance called your name, "is everything alright, love?", he quesioned.

"I was just thinking about how loved the girls are, all three of them", you smiled as tears brimmed your eyes, "they're so lucky to have so many people who care about them, and I'm not talking about just gifts, everyone had a kind word to say and I think we have a year's worth of babysitting if just half of the offers I got were actually meaningful", you giggled.

"She is, all of the girls are", Lance agreed, kissing your temple, "although I must say, I'm not sure how much I'd trust a baby alone with Esteban", he joked.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

#lance stroll blurb #inês writes blurbs #f1 blurb #f1 x reader

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non-stop-imagines · 11 months

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Masterlist 2.0

Since I have started broadening my writing horizons I feel that a new masterlist would be appropriate for the occasion! Let me know if you have any trouble with links. Hope you all enjoy!!

Notice: All Y/N characters in my writing are black, but anyone can interact with my posts!

*=smut

My Anon Bbys (If I forgot you or you want to be added, lmk 😘):

🐈;🫧;🏎️;🌶️;🍑;💚;🧚🏽‍♀️;🧸;🏁;🍮;🪟;🍫;🪷;♥️;😇;🤍;🐹;🐣;🪩

Requests are: Closed 🔐

My Rambling List of WIPS

↑↑This does get updated ↑↑

~*MCU Masterlist*~

Here!

~*Formula 1*~

Charles Leclerc

Red Braids (CL16 x Black Fem!Reader)

Upgrade U (CL16 x Black Fashionista!Reader)

Mon Bourdon (CL16 x Black Driver!Reader)

My Biggest Fan (CL16 x Black Mom!Reader)

Karting Woes (My Biggest Fan Au Blurb)

Cute* (CL16 x Black Content Creator!Reader-brinatgedoll faceclaim)

Wedding Night* (CL16 x Black Fem!Reader) {LATEST WORK}

Mick Schumacher

To Love and Be Loved Without Even Knowing It series (MSC47 x Freelance Journalist Black Fem!Reader)

Part 1: Meet Cute Part 2: Everyone Knows Part 3: Friends to Lovers

Part 4: First Date*

Daniel Ricciardo

Prettiest Smile in the Paddock* (DR3x Black!Reader-iamsamiira face claim)

One Day (DR3 x Black Driver!Reader)

On Display* (DR3 x Younger!Reader-Taylor Russell face claim)

Handled* (DR3 x Black Actress!Reader-badbrownskinn face claim)

Max Verstappen

Repeat That* (MV1 x Black Content Creator!Reader-Halle Bailey face claim)

Be My Baby* (prequel for Repeat That)

Buns Out SMAU (Repeat That SMAU)

Just Tell Me When You're Sick (Repeat That Blurb)

Oscar Piastri

Girl Almighty (OP81 x Black Driver!Reader)

Calm Down* (OP81 x Black Fem!Reader)

Lando Norris

Valentine (LN4 x Hamilton!Reader)

Logan Sargeant

My Girlfriend (LS2 x Black Fem!Reader)

Esteban Ocon

Red Lipstick Smudged* (EO31 x Black Fem!Reader)

Carlos Sainz Jr

Mírame* (CS55 x Black Rapper!Reader-JT Face Claim)

Lewis Hamilton

Conversations While Braiding (LH44 x Black Fem!Reader)

Landoscar

Landoscar Poly SMAU (Marsai Martin faceclaim)

#black reader #marvel imagine #marvel #f1 x black!reader #marvel x black!reader #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #mcu imagine #Daniel Ricciardo #charles leclerc #mick schumacher #max verstappen #lando norris #oscar piastri #logan sargeant #esteban ocon #lewis hamilton

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starsanova · 1 year

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ALL THESE WORKS HAVE BEEN PRIVATED AND SHALL BE REPOSTED ON @cl16version

─ F1 GRID

★ who were they written by ─ headcanon

summary ─ what if formula one drivers were written by real people? who would have created them? let's find out.

★ burn marks ─ series masterlist

summary ─ when playing with fire, you are bound to get burned, lucky for jae-eun she was born to breath it, and she is bound to leave a mark.

─ ALEX ALBON

★ none

─ CARLOS SAINZ

★ none

─ CHARLES LECLERC

★ famous s/o ─ headcanon

summary ─ charles is famous, but what if he had a s/o who was equally as famous (if not more) how would that play out?

★ = purple ─ social media au

summary ─ the shocking reveal of Y/N L/N's and charles leclerc's relationship saw all f1 drivers enter what fans call the 'great conversation' as the chelsea star turns all drivers into part-time footballers and marries one in the process.

★ red + blue ─ social media au

summary ─ after the champions league final, red and blue finally unite after chelsea's star player Y/N L/N reveals that she is in a relationship with scuderia ferrari's golden boy charles leclerc.

─ DANIEL RICCIARDO

★ I only date cowboys ─ social media au

summary ─ after his departure from mclaren the aussie honey badger spends some time soul-searching with his hot cowgirl girlfriend and laughs as his former team struggle while he and Red Bull spend a lovely weekend down at the ranch, preparing a surprise.

─ ESTEBAN OCON

★ none

─ GEORGE RUSSELL

★ none

─ LANCE STROLL

★ none

─ LANDO NORRIS

★ be mine officially? ─ blurb

summary ─ romance was never lando's speciality, but he will try and make any important moment special just like today

★ dating ln4 ─ headcanon

summary ─ what would it be like to date everyone's fav papaya boy? let's find out

★ the stages of pregnancy ─ headcanon

summary ─ lando loves children, but how would he fair with children of his own? let's find out

★ shut up karen! ─ social media au

summary ─ lando norris and Y/N L/N are on a top-secret date at one of their favourite restaurants, and a wild karen appears out of nowhere and starts causing chaos. and the video of Y/N going off on the woman reveals the couple. Iconic shit.

─ LEWIS HAMILTON

★ flash of anger ─ blurb

summary ─ lewis is a jealous man. it was common knowledge. just like how the grass is green, and the sky is blue. it is also common knowledge that angry sex is the best type of sex.

─ MAX VERSTAPPEN

★ small wedding ─ headcanon

summary ─ max's life was full of glitz and glam, but what if he wanted his special day to be private? here's how it would go

★ defender from day one ─ social media au

summary ─ Y/N hamilton and max verstappen always have due to their similar age, but no one ever thought much of it and wrote them off as friends. but with tensions flying high between max and lewis their friendship is put under scrutiny, and there big secret is exposed.

★ happier than ever ─ social media au

summary ─ after breaking up with charles leclerc six months ago, singer and songwriter Y/N L/N is back and happier than ever after teasing a new album and hard launching a new boo. Her ex's rival max verstappen, safe to say karma is a bitch.

★ manifestation boo ─ social media au

summary ─ it turns out max verstappen is indeed a spiritual person, especially when it comes to the manifestation of his current relationship with former disney star Y/N L/N. as he spared no expense from crystal to candle, yes, they do work apparently.

★ project menace ─ social media au

summary ─ everyone and their dad hates max's father, so you can imagine how happy people were when he finds a new family in the alonso's. as the dutch driver starts dating the daughter of fellow driver fernando alonso, and cause chaos in the process.

★ sea & sand ─ social media au

summary ─ max is good at driving. that is clear. too bad his skills in surfboarding are limiting , as his girlfriend Y/N L/N shows in a series of Instagram posts and tweets before dropping a bombshell in true chaotic aussie fashion.

─ MICK SCHUMACHER

★ none

─ PIERRE GASLY

★ photo desire ─ social media au

summary ─ the witch hunt continues as the internet close in on the identity of Y/N L/N muse, as the fans are now convinced it is none other than pierre gasly. with a soft launch and a ring on their fingers, they truly prove to be better than romeo and juliet.

★ photo feelings ─ social media au

summary ─ famous photographer and intent sensation Y/N L/N's new series "my feeling for you" has everyone talking about who could her secret muse could be. with everyone from harry styles to lewis hamilton being mentioned. That last guess wasn't too far off.

─ TOTO WOLFF

★ none

─ SEBASTIAN VETTEL

★ story of you & me ─ social media au

summary ─ the wait is finally over Y/N vettel's long-awaited movie adaptation of her book 'two souls one whole' is set to be released in two months. showing the beautiful love story of two lost souls that met at a bar in spa in 2007.

─ YUKI TSUNDOA

★ arabian nights ─ social media au

summary ─ yuki is finally in his adventurous era, as he takes a seemly spontaneous trip to the arabian desert and, in the process, is linked with an arabian heiress. Only to announce their engagement by the end of the week. leaving the intent struggling to keep up.

─ ZHOU GUANYU

★ none

─ OTHERS

★ none

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