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antianakin · 7 months

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Didn’t get a picture but I saw someone on the internet claiming that

a. Ahsoka, unlike Obi-Wan, was actually good enough at combat to defeat Anakin properly at Mustafar and should have gone instead. (and just that she’s the best at combat out of all the Jedi or something along those lines) b. because of her training and goddess-ness it means she’s the Most Powerful Jedi now. I feel like your blog is a good safe space to express my complete annoyance with everything going on here. why. Why. I am so tired of this (and all the anti-Jedi people in the fandom as well.)

and also, I love all your analyses on Star Wars and they always brighten my day! Thank you!

Lollllll this is a VERY safe space to express annoyance at these takes.

For one, Ahsoka literally DOES go up against Anakin and she FAILS. Anakin punts her off the side of a cliff (it's technically a battlestation but they're very high up so whatever, I'm calling it a cliff) and she only manages to snag off a piece of his mask because she runs up behind him while he's distracted with Kanan and Ezra rather than because she's genuinely able to overpower him through skill alone. She gets LUCKY.

People seem to forget that Ahsoka does NOT recognize that he's Anakin for the beginning part of that fight on Malachor. Like technically, deep down, she probably DOES know, but she's convinced herself it isn't true and Anakin confirms that at the beginning by saying he's the one who destroyed Anakin, so Ahsoka can just... go at him with everything she's got with zero conflict at all. There is literally NOTHING holding her back here, this is Ahsoka at FULL FORCE and she fails pretty epically.

She doesn't really do any better once she DOES know it's Anakin because she's immediately refusing to go on the offensive at all, she's JUST defensive because she doesn't WANT to kill Anakin. And more than that, she REFUSES to kill Anakin. She feels guilty for what's happened to him because she's decided that it's her fault for having left him behind. That's the whole arc she's gone on in Rebels, it's why her line to him once she can't deny that it's Anakin anymore is "I won't leave you. Not this time." That's not the kind of thing you say to someone you're prepared to defeat and/or kill. Ahsoka is prepared to DIE here because she'd rather die than abandon Anakin a second time and killing him would ABSOLUTELY be counted in that category for Ahsoka.

So not only is she just not competent enough to have beaten Anakin, I don't think it's reasonable to argue she would've even WANTED to. If Ahsoka had been on Mustafar, Anakin probably would've killed her, and then he would've been able to capture Padme and the twins and who knows what he would've done if he'd been able to do that.

And even within the Ahsoka show, she goes up against Baylan more than once and loses EACH TIME. Baylan literally tells her that she CAN'T beat him. She just isn't good enough. And this is a FILONI-RUN SHOW, there are zero other writers on this show, so if Baylan is telling Ahsoka that she isn't good enough to beat him, then presumably Filoni himself believes that that's true, at least for now. I imagine that she WILL beat him eventually, but it may end up similar to her win in season 1 where she's relying on distractions from other people or assistance or something. Who knows. But either way, she can't even beat a regular Jedi like Baylan, so how the fuck is she supposed to have beaten a major powerhouse like ANAKIN when he would've been hell bent on her death and destruction?

Obi-Wan DOES defeat Anakin properly on Mustafar, he just can't full-on kill him because the narrative sort-of requires Anakin to survive. He does LEAVE Anakin to die, though, and if Yoda had succeeded against Palpatine, Anakin WOULD'VE died. Obi-Wan CHOPS OFF THREE OF ANAKIN'S LIMBS AND LEAVES ANAKIN TO BURN ALIVE, I'm not sure how much more properly defeated it is possible to get.

Also, the reason Obi-Wan defeats Anakin is almost never due to power levels. It's a combination of being centered/balanced in the Force and knowing Anakin so well that he can predict his moves extremely well. His win in ROTS on Mustafar isn't because Obi-Wan happened to be more powerful than Anakin, he's not. He just is aware enough of his surroundings to take advantage of an opportunity when he sees it and lasts long enough to be able to find it. The stunt choreographers also have explicitly stated that they intentionally choreographed this fight sequence with Obi-Wan consistently GIVING GROUND to Anakin in an attempt to give Anakin time to calm down and come to his senses. So not only is he just good enough to take advantage of an opportunity when he sees it, he's good enough to hold BACK for a while and still live through the fight. And if he's explicitly holding back in the fight, it means that there's even more power he could've been exerting and it's entirely possible that he might've been able to end the entire fight much earlier had he chosen to do so. There's never any kind of indication that that's true for Ahsoka during her one fight against him. She doesn't let herself get tossed off a cliff on purpose lol.

And of course in the Kenobi show, Obi-Wan wins in the flashback scene due to being SMARTER, not more powerful. In the final confrontation he wins because he's more BALANCED and is more willing to put everything he's got into his attacks and changes up his fighting style so he can take Anakin by surprise, so when he slashes off a piece of his helmet, it's not just because Anakin was distracted, it's because Obi-Wan genuinely fought Anakin down enough to make that hit.

Obi-Wan might genuinely be the ONLY person who could go up against Anakin and WIN by the time you get to the Rebellion era. And it isn't because he's more powerful than anybody else, he just happens to have an advantage against this particular opponent which means that the disparity in power-levels is canceled out by Obi-Wan's knowledge of Anakin and the fact that he is just straight up smarter in a fight than Anakin is.

Ahsoka, by contrast, was taught by a dude who tends to rely on brute force to win his fights, and so that's often ALSO how we see her win her own fights. Most of the fights we see her winning are against opponents who are far weaker than she is, like Inquisitors or Mandalorians. Occasionally she fights someone like Maul and has to be a little smarter about it, but most of her major victories are against weaker opponents. She's a brute force fighter, not a smart fighter most of the time, because she CAN be. But she's not more powerful than ANAKIN, and she'll never be able to brute force her way through a fight with him, and she's not smart enough to outwit him, even if she WAS willing to hurt/kill him.

I'm not sure what "training" this person might've been referring to, either, because Ahsoka gets 1.5-2 years of official Padawan training MAXIMUM and some of that would've been Anakin's bullshit blaster blocking training which isn't exactly going to help Ahsoka against ANAKIN HIMSELF. As for the goddess thing, while it's definitely sort-of in there and implied, it's not technically confirmed and so far nothing has really been shown about it that makes her exponentially more powerful than anyone else. She has to flee a fight against Baylan, she'd have died fighting Morgan and the zombies if Sabine hadn't stayed behind to help her, she'd have died on Malachor if Ezra hadn't jumped in to help her, etc. She doesn't seem to have any super special goddess powers that we've seen so far, so it seems a little early to be counting that in her power levels.

Not to mention that in the "Most Powerful Jedi Alive During the Mandoverse" competition, she doesn't have a shit load of competitors she's up against here. The only other options to compare her against that are currently confirmed to be alive post-ROTJ are Luke, Leia, and Grogu. All three of them are shown to be pretty powerful in the Force, but Leia likely isn't super well-trained and Grogu is still a child, and therefore it doesn't seem fair to compare them to Ahsoka at this point. But Luke? I have a hard time believing Ahsoka is MORE powerful than Luke. Close, perhaps, we know she IS supposed to be fairly powerful in general, it's why she was able to be a Padawan so early, but possibly not MORE powerful.

And power alone does not actually guarantee a victory. She could be more powerful than Baylan, but if he's a better fighter, he'll still beat her. As shown with Obi-Wan and Anakin, power alone won't win a battle if your opponent is smart enough to simply outwit you. Obi-Wan can beat Anakin, and Baylan can beat Ahsoka. Ahsoka can be an extremely powerful Force user and still not be able to beat someone with better training than her.

I'll also note at the end here that Ahsoka isn't even canonically a Jedi at this point. She's never once claimed to be in the Ahsoka show and she explicitly says she isn't one in Rebels. She makes comments about how there's more to being a Jedi than using a lightsaber, but that isn't confirmation that she CONSIDERS herself a Jedi or that she'd call herself a Jedi. So she can't be the most powerful Jedi if she's not a Jedi at all. Same goes for Baylan, Grogu, and Leia.

Which leaves us back at Luke as the most powerful Jedi in existence within the timeline of the Ahsoka show because out of all of our options, Luke is the single person alive willing to actually identify as a fucking Jedi.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #ahsoka critical #ahsoka tano critical #obi-wan kenobi #luke skywalker #rebels #ahsoka show #star wars rebels #anakin skywalker

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txttletale · 8 months

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Not like. Mad or cancelling you or anything but. I think there's something very Orientalist about saying "they would rather commit ritual sepukku than", in a way I feel like you're usually really good at critiquing.

yknow i think that's fair! at some point it got lodged in my repertoire of Funny Internet Sentences and in an Epic Critical Thinking Fail i never gave it much thought but you're pretty obviously right and i likely shan't say it anymore

#ask

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hotpinkmoon · 2 months

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Hi hi Moonie 👋😄

Out of curiosity-- what's does the boys' sense of humor look like? What would it take to get a gut-clenching, tear-jerking, breathless wheeze of a laugh out of them (if possible)?

James

- People getting spooked that they jump so hard their souls left their body. Similar to prank videos, of the pranker wearing a scary costume and hiding in the bushes to jump scared anyone that comes nearby. Even funnier if the people getting scared starts to run and suddenly trip.

Max

- Puns, or dad jokes. But besides those things, he likes making people get mad to get a reaction. He enjoys being a troll to anyone he doesn't like to satisfy himself. People falling or videos that are epic fail.

Xavier

- Internet memes but the ones that are kind of dark or self deprecating. Anime memes do count as well. Funny animal videos, like a cat jumping near a ceiling fan and getting smacked away or a dog making a silly face.

Seth

- Something weird or random. Like you found a photo of a group of people smiling and then at the very back there's a dude making a face unintentionally.

#hpm.asks #bloodlust devotion #bloodlustdevotion #hpm.james #hmp.max #hmp.xavier #hpm.seth

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shannonosity · 3 months

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“The slang vernacular in Georgette Heyer’s work is epic and breathtaking and eventually you get used to it and work out the context and can navigate large passages involving bluestockings giving Corinthians the cut direct, who then plant facers on Pinks of the Ton wearing mathematicals who drive neck or nothing in their high-perch phaetons with their cattle and tigers, and it all makes sense, but one term I finally had to go and dig up because it was so weird.

The term was "ape-leader" and from context it was a mild derogatory referred to an older unmarried woman. (One who was "on the shelf") Right, got that, but seriously, "ape-leader"? Where’s THAT from?

So I went to the internet, and discovered it was, in fact, a contraction of "ape leader in hell" (good god, this just gets better and better!) and refers to an old maid, who, for having failed to be fruitful and multiply in life, will be sentenced in hell to lead apes.

Um. ‘Kay.

Leaving aside all of what this says about views of spinsters in Regency England, it raises a great many more questions.

Sources are unclear as to where she leads the apes, or what she leads them in–revolt? A rousing chorus of the Irish Washerwoman? The conga?–a question that I was rather interested in, since I’ve failed and will continue to fail, Ganesh willing, to be fruitful and multiply myself and would like to know what I can expect in the afterlife as a result. Is this like being a dog-walker? Do demons favor pet gibbons and siamangs, which I will be kept on staff to exercise? Can you lead an ape to water and make him drink?

Will this be a salaried position?”

–Ursula Vernon

#quotes #georgette heyer #ursula vernon #happy galentine’s day tumblr friends

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scarecade · 5 months

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saying portal’s writing aged poorly because the humor is all “rofl teh epic random!!” 2010s internet humor is like… i guess? only because a lot of that era’s internet humor was massively influenced by the writing in portal and a lot of media tried (and usually failed) to replicate it as a result. it would have aged poorly if the jokes were highly referential and/or felt out of character for anyone but they don’t

idk, the comedy in both portal and portal 2 still hold up imho. the writing is/was S tier and so when everyone else tried to emulate it, you got burnt out on that style of humor. that in no way means it aged poorly

#yeah ‘the cake is a lie’ isn’t funny because it became an over used meme a month after the first game released #but when presented within the context of the game it’s still good #I Am Very Normal About Takes I Do Not Agree With Thank You #also it would have aged poorly if the entire game was relentlessly cracking jokes #but a lot of the comedy is subtle #and the character also take time to be serious when the plot calls for it #idk Just a bad take imho!!

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cockslutpadalecki · 2 years

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Engaged

Summary: Steve’s not happy he’s being replaced.

Characters: Dark!Mean!Steve x F!Reader.

Words: 1.9K.

Warnings: non-con, mean!Steve is mean, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), forced orgasms, 18+. MINORS DNI.

A/N: Based on the GIF above. I wasn’t sure what you had in mind for this, but I hope you like it darling Ali! Thank you to @princessmisery666 for the epic brainstorming session, you always bring out the best in me. Beta: @princessmisery666 but all the general bullshit is entirely mine. While likes are gold, feedback is golden. Please support our content creators.

Steve watches them through the window— laughing and smiling along with who he assumes must be her relatives from the way they embrace her. He can’t keep his eyes from her, pure hatred bubbling up inside his chest as she shows off her left hand while Bucky stands beside her, grinning from ear to ear.

The sight makes him rage.

How dare Bucky keep something of this magnitude from him? They’re supposed to be best friends, tell each other everything. Loss of virginity, falling in love for the first time— all that stuff. But this? This he finds out through the damn internet?

The link that Twitter had sent him is still open on his cell, the words now committed to memory. Steve can’t remember how many times he’s read it, wishing it would disappear off the page as he gets more and more incensed each time he does so.

He watches a little longer, eyes moving with her as she almost glides across the restaurant with Bucky’s hand in the small of her back. An unease— a thickness, something a little like jealousy— sits deep in the recesses of his stomach and he pulls out his phone, ready to call an Uber to take him back into the underbelly of the city. Somewhere he can find a dumb broad to fuck this acidic taste in the back of his throat away.

Yet as he unlocks it, the article featuring Bucky’s engagement reminds him of what brought him to this lavish, fancy restaurant in the first place. Smoothing down his black dinner jacket, he slips the phone back into his pocket and strides forward with drive and impetus.

Time to go and congratulate the happy couple.

Eyes scouring the room, you watch in quiet awe as your family and James’ merge into one, swapping embarrassing childhood stories and cute anecdotes. You don’t even mind when your mom whips out a picture of you from her purse to show James’ mom— the hideous dress she had made you wear for picture day still forever ingrained in your memory.

Your eyes drift, noticing the crowd slowly part to let someone through the throng and your smile wanes instantly when you see Steve striding towards you. His lips are twisted up into his own smile, but it fails to meet his eyes. You’re used to these fake displays of happiness, used to his kind words laced with malice. He’s made it no secret that he doesn’t like you, and over time, you stopped trying to befriend him.

“James,” you whisper, eyes focused on his best friend closing the distance between you. He diverts his attention from your aunt just long enough to see Steve approach. You feel him stiffen in your hold as he turns to face you, looking almost guilty.

“Why is he here?” You’re careful not to sound accusatory.

“I don’t know babe,” he tells you truthfully. “Just let me speak to him, okay? I’ll make sure he leaves.”

“He doesn’t have to leave.” The reluctance in your tone is clear, and you flash your fiancé a tepid smile but you can see how much keeping this from his best friend has been playing on his mind. It’s more than Steve deserves, but you don’t want any trouble. This is meant to be a happy occasion.

He eyes you with caution. “You sure?”

“I’m sure,” you reassure him. “I may not like it… or him, but he’s your best friend. He should be here.”

The words taste sour on your tongue, but you don’t regret them even when your stomach churns with unease as Bucky heads off towards Steve.

You’re caught up watching the two talk, their heads bowed a little as they listen intently to each other. You can’t make out what they’re saying but they don’t seem to be getting angry with each other, so you assume everything is fine.

Your attention is pulled away briefly by a cluster of relatives coming to wish you a happy birthday and see your engagement ring, but when you look back, you catch Steve’s eye over Bucky’s shoulder.

He gives you a small grin, but there’s very little kindness in it. It’s more smug, like he’s happy to be getting his way. You flash him a terse smile in return before quickly turning away with a grimace. You wander over towards your mom, the hairs standing up on the back of your neck as you feel his stare still boring into your skin.

The sensation slowly dissipates and you begin to relax. Despite Steve’s unwanted presence, you’re determined to enjoy your birthday, especially now that it’s a double celebration.

You briefly forget about the gatecrasher and when fingers lightly dance along your shoulder, you smile to yourself.

“Oh James,” you sigh happily as you turn to face him. But instead your blood runs cold at the sight of Steve standing beside you. Instantly you’re on edge, desperate to flee.

“I just wanted to offer up my congratulations,” he explains softly.

You can barely concentrate on the words out of his mouth, your focus on his hand loosely curled around the nape of your neck.

“Thank you,” you respond curtly. “And thank you for not making a scene, I really appreciate it.”

He gives your neck what seems to be a playful squeeze, but you don’t miss the way his fingers tighten a little too hard. “Now why would I do that?”

“Y’know, keeping it a secret.”

“Don’t be silly, it’s fine.” Dropping his hand, he flashes you a wide smile with a shrug. “I mean, Bucky’s never hidden anything from me the entire time we’ve been best friends, but it’s no big deal.” The sarcasm is so thick in his tone you could spread it across the bruschetta appetizers like a pâté.

You stare at each other in silence, ire building inside you with every second that passes. Steve smirks at you, enjoying getting under your skin.

“Anyway, I should go mingle some more,” he says before leaning in, adding with a whisper, “I’m dying to meet your sisters.”

Your sisters seem fooled by Steve’s charms, going as far as to pull you aside and ask what the big deal is. They’ve heard your misgivings about your fiance’s best friend. They know the stories. But in just such a short amount of time he managed to convince them that you’re the problem.

“Sensitive with a tendency to overreact,” he told them with a gleeful smile, and of course they agreed with cutesy giggles and lingering touches on his bicep.

The way he shamelessly flirted with them, all while flashing you occasional glances, made your stomach roll in repulsion and when he winked at you after following your eldest sister over to the bar— his hand settled at the base of her spine— you had sought solitude in the restroom, spending too long splashing yourself with water.

You lean over the sink, mind wandering back to earlier in the evening when you and James snuck in here to have a little fun before anyone arrived. Who knew then that the night would result in you hiding away while everyone else celebrates in your absence?

You’re already making mental seating plans to ensure that during the reception, Steve’s on the other side of the room. Hm, the other side of the world would be more preferable, your mind mutters and finally you see some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe you should suggest a destination wedding, conveniently while Steve is busy.

With a renewed spring in your step, you quickly wash your hands and head towards the door, but you’re too busy plotting to notice the silhouette outside when you eventually leave, almost crashing into Steve.

“Oh,” you say a little sharply, “you’re still here.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Didn’t think this scene was your kind of thing.”

“Of course, wouldn’t wanna miss the chance to celebrate with my brother and his beautiful bride-to-be.” There’s that malicious grin again.

You attempt a smile of your own, knowing it feels fake on your lips. It drops instantly as you start to step around him. “Okay, well I better be getting back.”

He side-steps in front of you, blocking your way. “Where are you going so fast? Shouldn’t we get to know each other a little better?”

“James and I have been a couple for two years, Steve. You’ve had plenty of time to get to know me, but instead you chose not to.”

He scoffs a little. “And whose fault is that, hm?”

“Are you insinuating that I’m the problem?” you ask, shell shocked he has the audacity to say it to your face.

“Let’s just say before Buck met you, he was a different man. Not the pussy whipped little bitch he is now.”

“People can change when they fall in love, not that you would know anything about that.”

He shuffles forward and your back hits the restroom door. “What are you insinuating?”

“I know all about the broken-hearted women you leave in your wake, Steve. The way you treat them. No wonder you’re all alone,” you sneer. “I bet that’s what all this is about. You’re jealous that you’re not the most important person in James’ life any more.”

He almost roars as he roughly shoves you inside the restroom, anger tugging and contorting his features until he’s practically unrecognisable.

“What the hell are you doing?” you yell, pummelling your fists against his hard chest. Steve just laughs as he grabs your wrists and spins you around in his hold.

“Showin’ you how I really treat women,” he answers, encouraging you to look at yourself in the mirror as he pushes you up against the porcelain. Letting go of your wrists, his fingers paw at the skirt of your dress, hastily tugging the material up over your backside.

Tears are hot on your cheeks as you struggle, clawing at his hands to get him to stop but it does nothing except create red tramlines down his forearms.

“Stop,” you cry out, shame fever-hot beneath your skin when Steve yanks your panties to one side.

He laughs scornfully, teasing his lips over your earlobe. “You don’t mean that, not really.” The distinct sound of his belt snapping open forces you to meet his eye in the mirror.

With that, he pushes himself inside you, and the burn of going in practically dry makes your stomach tighten. You squeeze your eyes shut, not wanting to see him over your shoulder, smirking as he fucks you with reckless abandon.

You want to scream out, call for help. But the shame and fear of your family— James— seeing you like this clogs in your throat, and you're unable to form words.

Pain slowly sizzles away, melting into a dull pleasure that causes you to wince with guilt and humiliating reproach. Wet pools around his length, coating him in your juices as he forces himself in and out.

Unwanted euphoria sneaks up on you like a shadow, becoming a part of you as you reluctantly succumb to your orgasm. It implodes inside you in a wave of unimaginable heat until you’re too fucked-out to hold yourself upright. Steve’s arm wraps around your waist, keeping you steady as the sickly sweet honeyed tone of his voice in your ear makes you nauseous.

“Oh good girl, comin’ around my cock.”

He thrusts into you harder and the vile squelch of your cunt echoes and taunts you around the room. You hate that your pussy welcomes every drive back into the slick heat, hate the ripples of warmth rising up into your gut as it twists and writhes, desperate to shatter again within you.

“Pl-please,” you beg. “Stop. Think of James.”

“Buck won’t care,” he scoffs, and upon noticing the horrified look in your eye, he adds, “Didn’t he tell you? It’s always been this way. What belongs to him, belongs to me too.”

***

ALL CE: @buckymydarlingangel @broadwaybabe18 @captain-asguard @chamberofsloths @cevansgurl @dreamlessinparis @deanwinchesterswitch @fandom-princess-forevermore @hurricanerin @jvstjewels @la-cey @ladybug05 @livstilinski @ladydmalfoy @mugi-chwan95 @navybrat817 @otomefromtheheart @oneoftheprettynerds @patzammit @rebel-stardust @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @sammykb1994 @syrenavenger @straywords @saiyanprincessswanie @sunwardsss @selfsun @threeminutesoflife @vicmc624 @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @xoxonotme

4EVS: @amirra88 @andreasworlsboring101 @b3autyfuldisast3r @cheesyclaire @dangertoozmanykids101 @daughterofthenight117 @deangirl93 @doozywoozy @foxyjwls007 @geekofmanyforms @heyyouwiththeassbutt @i-opened-the-chamber-of-secrets @ilovefanfic86 @kind-of-crazy-butthatsokay @letsby @letsdisneythings @labella420 @mogaruke @maliburenee @notyourtypicalrose @nik2writes @obsessivelycapricious @patrick-hockslutter @princessmisery666 @phildunphyisadilf @roxyfan14-blog @sage-writing @sea040561 @sweeterthanthis @slutformarvelmen @simpformarvelmenandwoman @smokeandnailz @stoneyggirl @stoneyggirl2 @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @thegirlnextdoorssister @unfortunate-brat @warriorqueen1991 @xoxabs88xox

#maladaptivexxdaydreaming #answered #request #steve rogers #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #chris evans fanfiction

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themandylion · 1 year

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2022 Fic Round-Up

Happy New Year! In 2022, I wrote 29 new stories and 85,622 words*. Here’s all the stuff I wrote in 2022!

2019 Fic Round-Up | 2020 Fic Round-Up | 2021 Fic Round-Up

Teen Morphology - 16k, JayTim. Gotham Academy's newest student is smart, funny, hot—and also constantly lying through his teeth about who he is and where he comes from.

Renegades - 11k, JayTim. Sometimes, all it really takes to make the world a brighter place is a good handle on your anger management. A softer version of Tim's search for Bruce in Red Robin.

Deep Destinies - 864, JayTim. Two mers lying in the seagrass, talking about destiny.

Vigilante Life Cycle - 2k, gen. When Jason digs himself out of his grave, there's someone there to help him. Again. (Part 2 of Vigilante Life Cycle.)

There Are Many Advantages - 944, JayTim. A marine biologist consults with a terrestrial biologist. (Part 2 of MerMemes.)

Grey Ghosts - 2k, gen. "We guard those that guard our cities and the people in them. We find them when they die and prepare them to live again, as they so often do." (Part 1 of Vigilante Life Cycle.)

Sharks Are So Smooth - 696, JayTim. T’m is dispensing hot takes on sharks as learned from the internet. (Part 1 of MerMemes.)

Shifting Compromise - 3k, JayTim. Red Hood and Red Robin are trapped in a tricky situation with little to no hope of rescue on the horizon. Luckily, Red Robin has a hidden talent. Jason just wishes he didn't have to be so frickin' good at it. (Part 1 of Fuzzy Business.)

Tiim Travel - 3k, JayTim, Jason&Tim. Red Hood is in a safehouse only Red Robin is supposed to know about. Hard to believe the most logical explanation is time travel.

Unsafe Hobbies - 5k, JayTim. Tim discovers something in his old photos that sheds new light on a case from Jason's time as Robin.

Contraband Catch-All - 4k, JayTim. Officially, no one is supposed to work weekends. Unofficially, sometimes Storage has other ideas. (Part 4 of Earth and Alpf'ch'l.)

The Icing on the— - 1k, JayTim. It would seem that Tim took the Batmobile out for a bit of fun and failed to clean it before turning in for the night.

Shake Apart - 8k, JayTim. Robin keeps insisting on putting himself between Tim and danger. (Part 3 of Vigilante Life Cycle.)

Pull Together - 4k, gen. Jason does everything Robin needs to do—small acts of kindness mixed with great feats of heroism—as he slowly feels out this new role he's taken on. (Part 4 of Vigilante Life Cycle.)

In Danger of Overheating - 3k, DickTim. Dick is not sulking after being confronted with certain truths, and he is definitely handling the unexpected scantily clad catboy in his apartment in an adult manner. Really.

Deer - 238, original work. The language you're raised with heavily influences the way you perceive the world.

In Tandem, Now - 6k, gen. Getting Tim back proves infinitely harder than spiriting him out of the city was. (Part 5 of Vigilante Life Cycle.)

Fic or Treat - 100-word drabbles done for Halloween: - Lingering (Tim&Cass, and a ghost) - Unreasonable Request (200 words, part 6 of Fuzzy Business) - Haul (JayTim) - Rouge (Red Hood and a goon) - Shared (TimBer) - Tired (JayDami) - Moon (Part 2 of Fuzzy Business) - Sweater (Part 8 of Tales from the House of Mau) - Tradition (Follow up to Shine a Light) - Prudence (Follow up to Three Birds in Flight) - Turning (DickTim)

This Is Not a Hallmark Christmas Movie - 9k, JayTim. Jason makes a project out of DI’s CEO after Tim’s girlfriend dumps him for a Christmas-tree farmer. Not!fic.

*(Technically inaccurate because I also wrote an epic campire/not!fic with Kieran Granola in 2022, but we’re still futzing about editing it. >.> )

#JayTim #DickTim #my fic #themandylion writes #yearly fic round-up #long post

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annerbhp · 1 year

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I asked google bard for fanfic reccomendations and one of your fics turned up lol

You know what's been amusing (horrifying) me about all this AI stuff lately is just how wrong it all is? Which, if it was all just wrong, it would be a funny failed experiment. But it's even worse. On the surface it gets just enough right to lend it some false sort of legitimacy, but I have never once seen any AI answer a question where it gets everything right. There is always one big error or many big errors. And it's one of the scariest things about AI produced "knowledge" because there is nothing here that tells us about it's certainty of the various "facts" it is providing. These answers put solid facts right next to complete misinformation. It places information from peer-reviewed sources right next to internet rumor and group-think conspiracy theories. So what skills do we, the average reading and knowledge seeker, need to be able to engage with technology like this in a way that can counter this harm? Especially because I know this sort of thing isn't going to go anywhere? I'm pretty sure it's here to stay.

Like, let's be real. I couldn't give less of a crap that google bard clearly has no idea what my fic is about. That's not the point. My ego will survive perfectly fine. But what if people start turning to AI for real knowledge that will influence and form truths for people around real issues in the world? What happens if these sites are where people go for knowledge?

Let's look at some silly examples that we can easily fact check, just to get a sense of how wrong all this stuff can be.

I went to chatgpt and asked it "tell me about the fanfiction author Annerb". This is what it spewed out:

"Annerb is a pseudonym used by a fanfiction author known for writing in the Harry Potter fandom. While the author's real name is not publicly known, Annerb has gained a significant following for her imaginative and well-written stories.

Annerb is particularly well-known for her epic fanfiction series, "The Changeling," which follows the character of Harry Potter as he discovers he is actually a changeling - a child of the Fae. The series spans over 1.5 million words and is known for its intricate plot, rich world-building, and well-developed characters.

In addition to "The Changeling," Annerb has written several other popular fanfictions, including "Ghosts of the Past," "The Debt of Time," and "The Sum of Their Parts." Her writing style is often praised for its attention to detail, strong character development, and engaging storytelling.

Annerb has also been involved in the fanfiction community as a beta reader, offering feedback and assistance to other writers. Despite her popularity, Annerb remains relatively private and has not revealed much about her personal life or identity."

It's like that old game two truths and a lie here. Or more like one truth and ten lies and five misunderstandings. Hope all those other hardworking authors don't mind that I've stolen credit for all their fics! (I regenerated it a few times, and it claimed I wrote for fandoms I've never even seen the source material for.)

Or how about this one. I asked it "What is wangxian?" (one of my latest otps.)

"Wangxian is a term that refers to a fictional romantic relationship between two male characters named Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in the novel "Mo Dao Zu Shi" by Chinese author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. The novel was later adapted into a popular Chinese animated series and live-action television series.

The term "wangxian" is a combination of the two characters' names, with "wang" being a part of Lan Wangji's name and "xian" being a part of Wei Wuxian's name. Fans of the series often use the term to refer to the romantic relationship between the two characters.

It is important to note that while the relationship between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian is depicted as romantic in some adaptations of the novel, including the animated series, it is not explicitly stated as such in the original novel."

First two paragraphs? Not so bad. Pretty accurate for the most part. That third paragraph? Really fascinating that it's even there and also completely factually incorrect. While the live-action tv show never explicitly states that it is a romantic relationship thanks to censorship, the original novel includes multiple explicit sex scenes between the two characters and they also end up married? Like, actually married? So why is this "important to note"? Why does the so-called "legitimacy" of the ship even factor in? Is this just a scraped up reflection of discourse? Or at worst, a reflection of larger biases reflected in internet "knowledge"?

I know you probably sent me that screencap just as a fun mention of my fic popping up somewhere, for which I thank you. It was nice of you to think of me.

At the same time, these are the things I just can't help thinking about as truth becomes even harder to see day by day. Walk carefully, my friends.

#artificial intelligence #chatgpt #google bard #misinformation

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wolfstrong · 3 days

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So guys after some internet sleuthing I’ve discovered it was DYLAN Sprouse who was at the Ren fair and not Cole, which means I literally went up to Dylan Sprouse and asked him if he was Cole Sprouse and his response was “no but I get that a lot” and yeah that was probably one of my most epic fails yet

#😀😀😀#I was literally at the ren fair WITH A SET OF TWINS #LIKE MY FRIENDS ARE IDENTICAL TWINS #AND I WAS STILL TWINIST #I EMPLOYED CLASSIC TWIN DISCRIMINATION #IN FRONT OF MY TWIN FRIENDS

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mariacallous · 5 months

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The internet sucks now. Once a playground fueled by experimentation and freedom and connection, it’s a flimsy husk of what it was, all merriment and serendipity leached from our screens by vile capitalist forces. Everything is too commercialized. We commodified the self, then we commodified robots to impersonate the self, and now they’re taking our damn jobs. We live in diminished and degrading times. I miss when memes were funny. I miss Vine. I miss Gawker. I miss old Twitter. Blogs—those were the days!

Stop me if these gripes sound familiar. In 2023, the idea that the internet isn’t fun anymore is conventional wisdom. This year, after Elon Musk renamed Twitter “X” and instituted a series of berserk changes that made it substantially less functional, complaints about the demise of the good internet popped up like mushrooms sprouting in dirt tossed over a fresh grave. Some people even complained on the very platforms they were mourning. Type “internet sucks now” into X’s search bar, you’ll see.

The New Yorker published an essay by writer Kyle Chayka on the subject, calling the decline of X a “bellwether for a new era of the Internet that simply feels less fun than it used to be.” People loved it. (Sample comments from X: “Relatable.” “Exactly right.”) Chayka claims that it’s now harder to find new memes, websites, and browser games than it was a decade ago. He also argues that the rising crop of platforms popular with young people—Twitch, TikTok—are inferior, enjoyment-wise, to the social web of the 2010s.

Both of these arguments are baffling. Memes fresher in the past? Yes, it’s tiresome to see Tim Robinson in a hot dog costume for the 500th time, but c’mon. In the early 2010s—the years Chayka longs for—the internet was all doge and doggos. It was the era of reaction GIF Tumblrs, the Harlem Shake, the Ice Bucket Challenge. Give me literally any still from I Think You Should Leave over “You Had One Job” epic fail image macros. Only glasses of the rosiest tint could recast the 2013 internet as a shitposting paradise lost.

The argument that the 2010s social web was superior amusement to the platforms now popular with Gen Z is even stranger. TikTok has major issues, but being unfun is not one of them. It’s been a springboard for some genuinely talented people, from comic Brian Jordan Alvarez to writer Rayne Fisher-Quann to chef Tabitha Brown. Binging Twitch streams certainly isn’t my thing, but people aren’t being held at gunpoint and forced to watch seven straight hours of Pokimane. They like it! They’re having fun! And how can one say with a straight face that gaming got worse? Roblox alone is a gleeful world unto itself; to pretend it doesn’t exist and isn’t a vibrant digital hangout is goofy and obtuse.

Corrosion of specific platforms on the internet—X, to pluck the most obvious example—is an observable phenomenon. (I, too, mourn old Twitter.) Musk’s changes to how X operates have made it harder to surface and verify information; his antics have driven away both advertisers and power users and allowed the cryptogrifter class to spam inboxes with invitations to NFT drops and meme coins, resulting in a digital space that feels abandoned and crowded at once. Other platforms, though, are flourishing.

Look at Discord, for instance. Its siloed structure is a throwback to the pre-Facebook internet era, when socializing online often meant logging on to specific forums. The disintegration of the Big Tech-dominated 2010s internet is creating a more balkanized social web experience, what Kickstarter cofounder Yancey Strickler calls the “dark forest” theory, where people turn away from big, open mega-platforms in favor of more private or niche digital spaces, from nonpublic Slack channels to invite-only WeChat groups or special-interest podcasts. While some people might find that boring and hard to navigate, it’s not universally boring, or inherently difficult to navigate.

There are serious problems with the internet right now. Platform decay—“enshittification”—is real, and it’s not limited to X. Search is in shambles. Plus, the flood of AI spam has just begun. But there were serious problems with the internet 10 years ago too. Arguing that the decline of certain corners of a previous version of the internet means that the entire internet isn’t entertaining anymore is a preposterous leap.

The impulse to describe the internet as being in a dire existential crisis is an understandable one, especially if you love going online—it’s easier to get people to pay attention to emergencies, isn’t it? All sorts of decidedly not-dead things get declared dead periodically, from literary criticism to monogamy to Berlin. “My favorite platforms are faltering and I don’t like the new ones” isn’t as compelling a pitch as “The basic experience of goofing off online is on the brink of extinction!!!”

But the basic experience of goofing off and being creative online is not on the brink of extinction. Ten years from now, there will be writers—even if they’re AI chumbots churning out shitty prose on SubstaXitch, the demonic merged iteration of Twitch, Substack, and X our poor children will use—earnestly reminiscing about the good old days of 2023, when that affable menswear guy showed up on everybody’s feeds, and TikTok wasn’t banned in the US. I know this. I know it because during the era that Chayka is now nostalgic for, people were also complaining that they missed the old, good internet. (Real headline from 2015: “The Modern Internet Sucks. Bring Back Geocities.”)

This brings me to my theory about the internet. To understand how people feel about being online, look at how they feel about the long-running sketch comedy television show Saturday Night Live.

Bitching about how SNL is so much worse than it used to be is a time-honored tradition. It has been declared “Saturday Night Dead” regularly since it debuted in 1975, nearly 50 years ago. In 1995, for instance, a New York magazine writer bemoaned the “slow, woozy fall of a treasured pop-culture institution.” The cast at the time included Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Norm Macdonald, and Molly Shannon, all widely considered comedy legends in the present day. In 2017, in fact, New York ranked that cast’s run as the third-best era of SNL, ever, describing it like this: “At its peak, it’s hard to argue the show was ever better.” Quite the reassessment!

In 2014, writer Liz Shannon Miller examined the impulse people have to favor whatever era of Saturday Night Live they grew up with and watched during their formative years. “It’s a generational problem that leads to parents and kids just not being able to agree on the talents of John Belushi versus Will Ferrell,” Miller wrote for IndieWire.

A similar sort of generational problem is playing out right now about what it’s like to spend time online. Millennials grew up logging on in the 2000s and 2010s, maturing alongside Facebook. The internet from this era is the internet of our salad days. Of course watching it get eclipsed by a different iteration hurts. Of course some of us look at TikTok and wish it was Twitter—it’s the same impulse that propels family squabbles about whether the Lonely Island guys were funnier than the Please Don’t Destroy boys. Saturday Night Live has always been wildly uneven. Every era now heralded as golden was once pilloried as corny dreck.

To insist that the fun is over is to adopt an overly nostalgic stance, and one that rests on a pathetic fallacy: Just because you aren’t having fun on the internet doesn’t mean the internet itself is broken. It’s what it always has been, a flawed mirror of the cultural moment. It’s fine not to like it. But don’t pretend there aren’t young people alive right now who are having the most fun they’ll ever have online, just as there are young people alive right now who will be raving to their kids about how hilarious Bowen Yang was on SNL—especially compared to the synthetic clones of Gilda Radner and Jimmy Fallon the AI programmed to imitate Lorne Michaels cast in the 2061 season. We don’t need to make the present sound worse than it is. The future will come, soon enough.

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astraltrickster · 2 years

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A huge problem with the internet today is that we horribly misinterpreted - and then forgot - "don't feed the trolls."

Making ~le epic dunk~ on some assclown making intentionally inflammatory remarks is feeding the trolls.

Blocking said assclown and/or pretending you never even saw their asshattery in the first place is not feeding the trolls.

Using someone's intentional douchebaggery as a "teachable moment", 99% of the time, is feeding the trolls.

Answering an ignorant, rudely-worded, but presumably good-faith question with a good-faith answer is not feeding the trolls.

Allowing people an audience for their intentionally inflammatory shit when you have the option to deny it to them, whether out of a sense of obligation because teeeeechnically they're not breaking any rules, or because you want to clown on them, or whatever other reason you have - yes, often even including public warnings about them - is feeding the trolls.

Silently, unceremoniously deleting content that doesn't teeeeechnically break the letter of any rule you have but is absolutely malicious in spirit, and ignoring or deleting any subsequent "WUH WUH MUH FREEZE PEACH!!!1" cries - because unless you are currently acting as an entity of the US government or another government that has a law similar to the US's First Amendment, YOU HAVE THAT RIGHT - from spaces you have that power over, and reporting them to someone who does where you don't, and petitioning staff on sites whose internal policies fail to recognize these cases as trolling to fucking LISTEN, IS NOT FEEDING THE TROLLS.

"Don't feed the trolls" means to shut the trolls down as SILENTLY as possible. Not "let them rampage all over the place unimpeded." Not "make a big public spectacle of shutting them down, exposing people to their bile in the process." Not "make pissing them off into a game." Just shut them down as silently as possible.

So with that said - we need to start remembering not to feed the trolls.

#internet culture #internet safety #dont feed the trolls

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fructidors · 2 years

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i found a very old edition of les mis on the internet that has alternate titles for the volumes-- maybe these were common at some point but i've never seen them before and i thought they were really interesting! so, from least to most delightful:

it calls part v "jean valjean; or the reformed convict" which is just like an accurate description of valjean

it calls part ii "cosette; or the detective's pursuit" which is slightly misleading as that part focuses more on valjean and cosette than javert, but it is (to the best of my memory i haven't read that volume in forever) the volume that javert features in the most

it calls part iv "saint-denis; or gavroche, the street boy of paris", which, first of all, who omits an awesome title like "the idyll in the rue plumet and the epic in the rue saint-denis" for that, secondly, gavroche is nowhere near the focus of that volume? part iii actually has an entire book about him and in part iv he's there, but lots of way more important things happen (sorry gavroche but it's true)

it calls part iii "marius; or the child of the revolution" which is FASCINATING. presumably, it's referring to marius being born during the napoleonic wars and shortly after the revolution (which has all kinds of parallels to victor hugo's own life and similar birth date). but it also could allude to marius being new to revolutionary ideals and therefore, a "child of the revolution" (which also mirrors hugo's life at the time of writing les mis). ALSO all the amis are young and new not to revolutionary ideals but to the very act of revolution, and they're essentially trying to be French Revolution Jr™️, making them, in their own way, children of the revolution.

it calls part i "fantine; or the felon and the fallen" which is just incredible. alliteration never fails folks.

#les mis #les miserables #victor hugo #les amis #les amis de l'abc

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issybettyx · 1 year

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EMERALD DUO GAMER AU

Strange title dont ask

Tdlr; Techno works at GAME, Philza is a well known gamer and also a common visitor of GAME. When techno gets this job, he doesn’t expect to become one of the internet’s most beloved gamer’s friends. (I’m watching the wilbur tommy and jack improv vid)

Or: Emerald duo being epic besties

The phone had to ring five times before Techno picked it up.

The first time it rang, Wilbur shouted up to him.

The second time it rang, he paused the video on his pc.

The third time it rang he shut his bedroom door behind him.

The fourth time it rang he got downstairs.

The fifth was just a few moments before he picked it up, Wilbur looking far too exhausted for having been sat on the sofa since he got home five hours before.

“Hullo.” He said into the phone, voice exposing how tired he was as he frowned.

“Is this Techno Blade?” They asked kindly, a smile clearly sitting on their lips as they spoke. It was a little strange.

“Uh, yes? Who’s this?” He asked slowly, meeting Wilbur’s eyes as the man looked carefully at him.

“I was just calling to say you got the job at GAME, you start at 9am on Monday, is that alright?” They told him, and his shock must’ve been clear on his face, Wilbur poking him over and over to get an answer, but he could hardly form any words from his shock.

He’d gone to exactly 37 interviews before this one, and he’d been rejected every time. Lucky number 38.

Wilbur had kept saying how everything happened for a reason, but by the 20th failed interview it seemed even he was wondering if the universe just kind of hated Techno. But now he finally had a job, possibly an extremely boring one, but it was a second source of much steadier income than Wilbur’s gigs and street performing.

“Wait, seriously?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“You’re not joking? I got the job?” Techno asked them, and Wilbur’s smile was so wide he worried it would blind him. But the person simply chuckled to themselves, and for a moment he worried that it was in fact a sick joke.

“Yes, Techno, we’ll see you Monday yeah?” They asked, and he nodded before realising they couldn’t see him.

“Yes, thank you, see you.”

He hung up before they could say anything else, looking at Wilbur as he put his phone into his back pocket, a genuine smile on his face for the first time in months.

“You got the job?” Wilbur asked, and Techno nodded, not able to find words to express his excitement and relief. Wilbur stood up and ruffled his hair, a massive grin that felt way too contagious. “So proud of you man, let’s celebrate yeah?”

Most days, they just ate whatever they had in the fridge. Which, admittedly, wasn’t much. The only times they ever bought fast food for their birthday, which thankfully happened to be on the same day (Wilbur called them twins, Techno just said it was lucky and they could save money).

But, despite it all, he still nodded, letting his pride be felt if only for a moment.

—

The doors opened as he walked towards them, and Techno was welcomed by a soft breeze of air, and the moment he walked in a woman behind the counter popped her head up, a smile on her face immediately. “Hello!” She greeted, jumping over the counter and rushing towards him, holding out a hand, “You must be Techno, I’m Niki!”

Niki had similarly pink hair to his own, which is likely how she identified him. Her clothes perfectly suited her, a beige jumper with a white skirt, a pair of beige converse padding excitedly on the floor.

“Nice to meet you.” He replied with the biggest smile he could muster - it wasn’t great, and it looked a little forced - as he shook her hand, putting his hands in his pockets the moment she let his hand go. “So what’s the drill?”

“Well,” she started, walking past the shelves with a smile, “We mainly stand behind the desk, answer questions of customers, stock the shelves, and drink coffee.” She explained, making her way back around the counter. “Any questions let me know, alright?”

And that was that, his first shift had began.

And Techno would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited.

—

It was exactly a week after Techno’s first shift when something interesting happened. He was simply sipping his coffee that Niki had prepared for him before she left, having restocked the shelves already and no customers having entered in a good few minutes. Business wasn’t the fastest in the GAME, so as Niki had explained a lot of his time was spent drinking coffee.

The bell on the top of the door rang as they pulled open, and he had to bring his legs down from the counter because apparently it ‘wasn’t professional’ or something.

But the person who he saw walking down the aisle almost made him spit out his coffee.

It was the Philza. The Philza who was one of the most followed creators on the internet. The Philza who had better humour than Techno could even explain. The Philza who he’d been watching a few moments before he found out he got the job he was currently at.

The Philza, his blonde hair tied back in a ribbon, a green hoodie over a pair of jeans and black trainers. When he looked at Techno, there was a flash of realisation on his face, and he smiled, giving him a short wave.

“Hey mate.” He greeted, before going back to looking at the shelves.

After taking four deep breaths to compose himself and even his expression, Techno managed to get out from behind the counter, moving to stand beside the man as he ignored how his heart beat faster in his chest every moment.

“Do you need help looking for anything?” He asked slowly, getting a hum in return as Phil pulled out a game, looking over the cover.

“What do you think of this game? Ever played it?” Phil asked him, his voice even kinder in person and sending Techno stumbling for words. How his response was so calm, Techno had absolutely no clue.

“Minecraft? It’s pretty cool, I only played it once at my friends house.” He explained, rocking on his feet as he tried to hide his smile. “It’s a sandbox game, you can play survival, creative, hardcore-“

“What’s hardcore?” He asked, reading over the back of the case before looking up at the lack of a response, eyes going wide. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He apologised, and Techno took an extra four second to compose himself again.

“It’s alright man, hardcore is a version of the game where you can only die once, contrary to survival where you can respawn after death.”

Philza hummed again, moving towards the counter; Techno could only follow, opening and closing the gate to get behind it.

“So the stakes are higher? It’s more risky?” He asked, leaning his elbow on the surface and his chin in his palm, smiling at Techno who nodded.

“I’ve watched loads of videos on techniques to survive longer and different farms and armour types, it’s pretty cool.” Techno continued, scanning the game. “Anything else?”

Phil hummed for a moment, looking over the walls before glancing behind the desk and then at Techno’s mug of coffee.

“A coffee would be nice.” He asked with a grin, and Techno scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“We don’t sell coffee.” He tried, but Phil’s laugh made him half tempted to sell him one anyways.

“No, you seem cool mate, I’d like to go out for coffee some time, it’s never a bad thing to have friends.” Phil clarified, and boy oh boy did Techno see black spots across his vision.

For years he’d gotten home and watched this man’s videos. He revised to exams as he listened to his rambled, he cooked dinner as he listened to his story times. At times, he had his school friends quiz him on Philza general knowledge, and he got all 50 questions correct.

And now he stood, a week into his new job being casually offered coffee.

Wilbur was never going to believe him.

“Oh-“ he returned, staring as he tried to find words, but Philza took it very differently.

“You don’t have to! Don’t feel pressured, it’s an offer and nothing more, I know how scary it can be and you seem lovely, so I just-“

“When do you wanna go?” He asked, cutting the man off which a mustered smile that wasn’t at all fake, Philza pausing to look at Techno in shock.

“Tomorrow for lunch?” He offered, and Techno smiled, holding out a bag with Phil’s new game and his other for the man to shake. He took both.

“I’m Techno.” He introduced, and Phil smiled back.

“Philza, you can call me Phil.”

Techno was living the best life, smiling as he vowed to never wash his hand again (that was until Wilbur forced him to because germs and stuff).

Maybe everything did happen for a reason.

—

As Techno walked from his work to the local coffee shop, all he could think about was his conversation with Wilbur the night before.

In brief summary, it went something like this:

“I met Philza.”

“Excuse me what?”

“And i’m going out for coffee with him tomorrow.”

“You fucking what?!”

Except it was several hours longer with several more questions and a lot more smiles and laughs and disbelief.

And yet, despite his several times having a feeling he was dreaming, and the several times Wilbur shook his shoulders in a terrible attempt to help him comprehend the insanity of his situation, Techno still found himself counting his fingers as he walked, brows furrowed as he managed to count to ten every time.

Nothing made sense.

Just two weeks ago they had to have soup every day for dinner because they didn’t have enough money, and now Techno had a job and had the opportunity to sit with his hero for an hour?

Yeah, no, if he wasn’t asleep he must be dead. Maybe that would explain why he could count all of his fingers.

But when he looked up at the coffee store, nerves started to bubble in his chest as he reminded himself it was in fact real, and Philza was in fact sat inside.

The door opened with the soft ringing of a bell, similar to the one at his work but much kinder sounding. The first thing he noticed was the strangely loud chatter. The second thing he noticed was the crowd of people around a very specific table, and Techno so wanted to leave knowing exactly who was amidst all the excited people. For some reason, he only moved towards it, hearing Phil’s kind voice even over all of the talking.

“I’m out with a friend right now, you guys will scare him away.” He tried, and Techno could hear his fond smile.

“Will he be in your videos?” Someone asked, no malice in their tone or assumption in their words, just pure interest. But the question made Techno physically uncomfortable; drinking coffee with his hero was nerve-racking enough, but filming a video to be seen by millions was not exactly on his to-do list. Sure he loved playing games and sure he was pretty good at it, but only Wilbur had ever said he was entertaining (then again he only ever spoke to Wilbur, so that defence wasn’t exactly the best).

“Only if he wants to- now scatter.” Philza brushed them off, smiling as he watched them leave before he met Techno’s gaze, the latter looking between the retreating crowd and Phil, brows furrowed in thought. “Hey mate! Sorry about that, fans get a little… uh… what’s the word?” He drifted off, tapping the table as Techno took his seat opposite the man.

“Overbearing?”

“No that’s too negative, they’re awesome.” Phil responded without a second thought, looking out of the window with a soft smile. “They’re just a bit much sometimes.”

It was a little strange, being such a huge fan of Philza and having to sit there and listen to him talk about him in such a positive way despite it being such an offhanded comment. Part of him said he had to say he knew who Philza was and how long he’d been watching his content for, but the other part of him said Philza already knew.

A waiter walking over to their table saved Techno from his internal battle, except of all the waiters they seemed to give them the… strangest one.

He looked young, and also completely indifferent, pressing his pen rhythmically on his pad of paper. The kid glanced at Philza, eyes going wide before he suddenly looked like he enjoyed his job, bowing to the man. “Fantastic to meet you Philza, what can I get your graciousness to drink?” He asked, his smile unfaltering as Phil chuckled to himself, shaking his head fondly.

“Hey Tommy, I’ll just get a regular cappuccino,” Phil asked as he looked at the kid, a fondness in his eyes that was new to Techno; so far, everything Phil had said and done had felt so familiar, a feeling that came with years of knowing someone. But that look swirling in his blue eyes as he looked at this waiter that he apparently knew was so… strange. And yet it didn’t shock Techno at all.

“And for your awesome looking friend?” Tommy asked with a smile, motioning his pen towards Techno, the latter fidgeting under the eye contact.

“Surprise me.” Techno told him, smiling back as he crossed his arms over his chest. At this, Tommy looked absolutely delighted, smiling wider as he scribbled something down.

“Your hair is epic big man, never change.” Tommy told him, before skipping off into the kitchen, humming a foreign tune and leaving the two alone again.

“Tommy’s right you know? Your hair is awesome.” Phil commented, bringing Techno’s attention back to him as he rested his chin on the back of his hands, a content glint in his eyes. “When did you first dye it?”

Techno remembered the day perfectly.

He’d gotten home from college after a long day of studying and noticed a notification from Youtube, clicking on it and hearing Philza’s voice through his phone speakers. It was a play through of some game that Techno had forgotten the name of, but he knew it was very interesting to watch as Phil told the story of a kid he knew in school.

This kid spent day and night revising for exams, so much so that stress took over his life. Apparently, someone gave him advice, something along the lines of ‘make time for doing what you love, before you run out of time to do it’.

So, he went down to the shop after pausing his studying, grabbed a box of pink hair dye, and spent the evening dying his hair and making sure it was all even. Wilbur had helped him, making sure the back was fully covered and helping him rinse it afterwards. A lot of people had ridiculed him for it, but Techno found that he genuinely didn’t care, because he loved it and Philza had once said that other people’s opinions didn’t matter as long as you love it yourself.

“A few years ago.” He said instead, running a hand through it and reminding himself to touch up his roots some time that week. He hadn’t made enough time for himself recently, Philza would kill him if he knew him-

Oh wait.

Yeah he couldn’t say that anymore.

“Why pink?” He asked, his tone of genuine interest and not of disgust, and Techno found himself letting out a sigh, trying his best to hide his relief.

“It’s my favourite colour, thought it was cool.” Was what he responded, not bothering to go into depth on why it was his favourite, deciding that The Great Philza probably didn’t want to hear his ramble on colour theory and why pink was simply superior than yellow, and how Wilbur was always wrong no matter how much he insisted that yellow was nice because it reminded him of the sun.

“I like green.” Phil confessed, running a hand through his hair. “I like nature a lot, and I feel like it reflects that well you know?”

Techno knew Phil loved green. In fact, exactly 492 days ago he’d posted a video titled ‘green’, and it was 5:35 long of Philza explaining why he loved nature and why green was awesome. That was one of Techno’s favourite videos, it felt like Phil was speaking to him directly on one of his favourite topics.

“Nature is Earth’s oldest child,” Techno quoted, and Phil paused, looking up at him curiously and only making Techno sink a little further in his chair. “Don’t look at me like that, those are your own words.”

“You’ve been watching my content a while haven’t you?” Philza asked with a smile, leaning back in his chair with his head cocked to the side.

Techno probably should’ve responded with something. Maybe a ‘yes’ or an exact amount of days, even a nod or a smile would’ve been sufficient.

Instead, he only glared at the man, as if a silent challenge, and Phil only laughed more.

“I don’t like talking about work on my breaks,” Phil explained before anyone could say anything else, and that made Techno pause. “What cool things do you do in your free time?”

Tommy came over with their drinks whilst Techno was mid explaining the book he was reading in depth, ignoring the strange glance Tommy sent him as he watched Phil’s face turn from curiosity to engrossment, sipping on his drink as Techno continued on, taking tiny sips of his own drink (he didn’t know what it was, he didn’t exactly bother asking Tommy who at some point had slipped into a chair beside Phil, listening to the ramble himself).

“Wait- so, let me get this straight, he just… left? After everything?” Phil asked, frowning slightly as Techno nodded, taking a drink from his straw with a hum.

“He literally just up and left, and we don’t find out why until it’s too late.” Techno returned, and Phil looked out the window, brows furrowed in thought.

“Why did he leave?” Tommy asked, taking a sip of Phil’s coffee before grimacing. “Why do people drink this shit?”

That reminded Techno, making him reach into his pocket and pulling out a £10, handing it to Tommy who pushed it back towards him. “Dadza already paid for it, don’t worry.” He said with a smile, the man returning to the convention with a similar smile, nudging Tommy.

“What did I say about calling me that in public you little shit?” Phil asked with a grin, Tommy scoffing. Then, the man turned back to Techno, that same look shimmering in his eyes that he’d had when he looked at Tommy before, taking a moment to think something over before coughing. Techno braced himself for the worst.

Once, someone who wasn’t Philza had taught him how if you prepare for the worst, you’ll either not be surprised or be in an absolutely gargantuan state of shock. This was one of the latter moments.

“You and your brother, Wilbur was his name?” He asked, waiting for Techno to nod before continuing, “Yous can come to our house for dinner one time next week, how does that sound?” He asked, already scribbling something down on a napkin with a pen he’d pulled out of his jacket. Why the man just carried around a pen, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he made a mental note to do the same. If Philza did something, there was likely a reason for it.

“Heh?”

Phil laughed, Tommy stepping in for him. “We’re gonna order pizza for dinner, you guys should come it’s gonna be so fucking poggers.”

Whatever ‘poggers’ meant, it seemed like something positive judging by the kids grin.

And then something in his head clicked.

“Wait is Phil your dad?” He asked suddenly, Tommy nodding before the other could even get a word out, slumping into his chair.

“He doesn’t like people knowing, wants me to ‘live a normal life’ or some shit,” Tommy scoffed, rolling his eyes. Techno knew, however, that the kid was thankful for it; he wasn’t sure how he knew, but something told him that afternoon that Tommy loved being a normal kid.

Sure he loved his Dad, that was clearly no secret, but there was something about how casually he held himself that said he was proud to just be any other kid.

“Well, send me a message or a call when you decide, and we’ll go from there, that sound good?” Phil asked, finishing his coffee before standing, Tommy staying in his seat likely from laziness. In his utter shock and admiration, Techno couldn’t manage any words, a nod being all he could force. As Phil walked past, he ruffled the hair on top of Techno’s head, messing it up. If it was anyone else, Techno would’ve been angry beyond belief, he would’ve muttered about how much he hated them and how long he spent on it.

But this was Philza. Philza could blow up his house and murder his parents and he probably wouldn’t care less (that may be a slight exaggeration, but thinking realistically it wasn’t too far fetched).

“It was nice meeting you Phil!” He managed to shout before the bell of the cafe rang, and the man turned back, giving the two a warm smile before letting the door shut behind him.

“Well Technoblade-“

“How do you know my full name?”

“I think you’re pretty poggers.”

Wilbur would never believe him. Techno knew there was absolutely no chance at convincing him of what had happened.

Techno’s life had went from a 5 to a 1000 in the span of 24 hours, and honestly he wasn’t too bothered by it.

“You’re not too bad yourself Tommy.”

Tommy mirrored his smile, jumping up to get back to work.

——

Me when me me when emduo, me when twinsduo pog :0

In this au, Phil isn’t a streamer, twitch is simply non-existent, Phil is basically the pewdiepie of this universe, everyone knows him and loves him, and techno’s like ‘i have literally no family and ur the perfect father figure so i just kinda made you my dad so this is absolutely terrifying what if i mess up oh god oh god oh god-‘

My phone is in spanish idk what any of this says what does ‘guardar’ mean? Post? I hope so, cus i’m about to click it. Hope you enjoyed :D

#dream smp #mcytblr #technoblade #philza #emerald duo #emerald duo au #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #sleepy bois inc #sbi #bedrock bros #bedrock bros au #dream smp au #philza minecraft

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