saw that super wholesome video of a girl reuniting with her brothers and thought   ✨✨  Hug Refs  ✨✨  leaving the context of this up to you, i wonder what you cook up :'D

audrey parker : why do you call your short distance teleports "blipping"

me, with a teleporting trouble : bc "micro jumps" sounds really pathetic

ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion

i literally need there to stop being situations circumstances events developments complications and happenstances. for the fucking love of god

I’m mad rn honestly. I’m pissed.

Sometimes I question if Grace haters are watching the same show as I did. Its fine if you do not agree with certain actions of certain characters in peaky blinders, but its completely different when one character does the same as the other character yet you hate on that one character.

A prime example would be how fans would say that Grace never knew Tommy. She always wanted to change Tommy. But yet you forget that Tommy's the one who said HIMSELF that he wants to go legit?

My ultimate favourite argument is when certain fans say that May accepts who Tommy is and did not want to change Tommy at all. But yet she ran off like a little pussy after finding out from Uncle Charlie that Tommy's not gonna change and to basically expect a dangerous lifestyle from him?

Sometimes I even wonder if Lizzie fans are either delusional or boderline behaviour sadist.

I got accused once of being a young person who "didn't experience life enough" when I post my own interpretation of Grace 😂

Hi! First of all, I still want to believe that just because you like Lizzie doesn't automatically mean you hate Grace and vise versa.

It's been discussed and been a huge problem for a long time. Pretty misogynistic thing in a pretty misogynistic show. Grace is a female version of Tommy and it's been established by Tommy himself. He was the first to say he wanted be a legitimate businessman, and he really meant it. She never forced him to say that. But Tommy is praised (and poor Cillian is terribly objectified btw) and Grace is hated. And for some reason those people think that they're smarter, and cooler, and more mature, if they don't like (even hate) Grace. Actually, it has nothing to do with your taste and preferences. Everyone is free to like or dislike anything, but being mean just sucks, guys, that's it.

As for May, ofc she ran away, because she's sane for god's sake! So good for her. May is a rich smart lady who's utterly bored and likes to hook up with a bad boy just because it makes her life less insipid. She likes the image of him and the way she feels when she's with him, but not Tommy himself. In reality, May has no idea what being with Tommy Shelby actually means and doesn't know him at all. She would be very disappointed the minute the novelty wore off. Btw, by any chance, aren't those the same people who thought Tommy revered Tatiana??

We all need to take ourselves out of context sometimes to see the full picture and to understand how little someone's opinion actually means. And to all those who choose to spread this vibe of hate I'd recommend to take a chill pill and get the fuck off this fictional and already dead character, who's no longer a threat. You're very late. I guess that for a lot of people the phrase 'I like Grace' means 'crazy' because we've been poked for too long and way too vigorously, so it's no wonder we've learnt how to protect our little corner and how to bite.

Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-

He is in fact not cool with his friends killing people he just can’t do shit about it and the fact that he thinks he can do smth about (and does!) when it comes to his kids is like a major point

no one warned me about you. they told me about those would break me, those who would take parts of me and never give them back. but there was no warning for you. you appeared when i least expected it and when i thought i was destined for a lonely path.

You freed me.

-excerpt from my diary, 10:56pm July 29th

was tagged by @artemiese 😘💖 this was fun, thank you! 🌠

tagging: @drivingdeathvalleyblues; @patrocles; @grimmicks; @alwynwitch; @mymycorrhizae; @bisopod & @shirehobbit

"La misère corrompt les mœurs du peuple et dégrade son âme ; elle le dispose au crime en étouffant en lui le germe de l'honneur et le sentiment naturel que l'homme a de sa propre dignité. Elle le force à fuir le joug du mariage. Tandis que la nature l'entraîne vers le but de cette union et l'invite à donner le jour à des êtres malheureux auxquels il ne peut donner la subsistance, et lors même qu'ils naissent sous les auspices du lien conjugal, il est souvent réduit à ne voir dans l'augmentation de sa famille que l'accroissement de ses maux ; il maudit le jour qui lui assure le doux, le cruel nom de père ; il ne voit dans ses enfants que des compagnons importuns de sa misère, qui viennent lui enlever le pain qui suffisait à peine pour soutenir sa déplorable existence ! Il les abandonne, il les rejette sans pitié."

[Tr: "Misery corrupts the morals of the people and degrades their soul; it disposes him to crime by stifling in him the germ of honor and the natural feeling that man has of his own dignity. It forces him to flee the yoke of marriage. While nature draws him towards the goal of this union and invites him to give birth to unfortunate beings to whom he cannot sustain, and even when they are born under the auspices of the conjugal bond, he is often reduced to seeing in the increase of his family only the increase of his ills; he curses the day which assured him the sweet, cruel name of father; he sees in his children only importunate companions of his misery, who come to take away from him the bread which hardly sufficed to support his deplorable existence! He abandons them, he rejects them without pity."]

— Maximilien Robespierre, Observations sur cette partie de la législation qui règle les droits et l'etat des Bâtards, 1786

something as small as adding #FreePalestine to my professional art account's bio shouldnt feel quite so nerve-wracking but then again, my college sent out a big fucking letter on how pro-israel they are, so tbqh im fully expecting somebody to report me either for that or for my Free Palestine patch. lmao

Worf/Tuvok Because if their wives can get together so can they!

I have been listening to this cover on loop for.. a long time now.. I should also preface with the fact that I'm incredibly emotionally unstable and tender today... 😶😶 so.... 😶 I have an abandoned idea and hopefully that'll come out right. How do we feel about fake dating, severe emotional conflict and also a bit of angst that will turn out well? Bit of.. hm... you know.. references... on the side.. 😶 I'm me.. everything is horny with me.. if you were around long enough you would have lived through it.. Warnings: Mild. Very mild. So mild that the water isn't even warm yet. But it's still a bit of non appropriate content for the childrens so.. you know the drill.. Word Count: TOO EFFING MANY! HOW MANY!? SIX THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND NINETEEN MANY! YES I'M A CRIMINAL AND I'M SORRY

"Are we good friends?" you lift your head up from the papers you're going over and look at him, he's standing there serious and waiting for an answer. "No, I hate your guts. Why do you ask?" you say with an eye roll that shows you're joking, and he rolls his back, "I'm serious. Answer me. Are we good friends? Are we close friends? Are we on that level of friendship?" you look at him suspicious.. why is he asking all of these things? And how do you answer? Are you? You haven't been working here very long, it's long enough that you've grown comfortable with everyone though, you have to deal with all these men on a daily basis and you've learned how to handle each and every one of them. You like him the best, mostly because he's quiet and when you have to deal with so much testosterone? You want quiet. Plus, he's unfairly funny too. He's not the most extroverted, keeps to himself, but god is he hilarious once you get to know him. And you have. You've gotten to know him very well, you've probably grown closest to him out of everyone of them. In part because of how respectful he's always been, and in part because.. you shake your head and look at him, you suppose that.. "Yes. I think so? I would consider you a good friend, but do you consider me a good friend?". You list it out mentally: you text often enough, you have inside jokes, you feel comfortable with him, he's warmed up to you, you're totally comfortable to tease each other and bicker a lot. Yes, he's a good friend. But what if.. his voice breaks your pondering again, he's serious and quick, "Of course I do. That's why I need your help." oh... this isn't going to end well for you, is it? He's asked for help before.. it never ends well for you...

"I can't believe that I'm actually doing this.. I don't even think this is allowed! Do you understand how much trouble I'll be in if anyone finds out!?" and he just shrugs and laughs it off, scans the racks of dresses again and looks at a few before shaking his head and putting them back, "I'll cover for you the way you cover for me. You'll be fine, no one will fire you." and you scoff again, "Staff isn't allowed to date within the company! It's literally in my contract!" he just looks at you, smirking smugly, "Well, good thing that we're not dating." and pulls out another dress, looks at it from all angles, presses it into your hands and says "Go try this one on, I think the colour and cut will suit you." you sigh, exasperated, but walk away and do what he tells you to. Why did you agree to this again? Oh, yeah, because you're ''good friends''. And ''good friends'' help each other in times of need. You can still hear his pleading voice and you feel contrived. Yes, good friends help each other with mild tasks. Not with faking a relationship! You can't even legally do it, your contract states just that! You think... you can't remember exactly but you're pretty sure that's what clause 18 means.. too many clauses to remember.. you ignore clauses and huff as you take your clothes off and try the dress he handed you. He's going to a family wedding, needs a date and he wants you to fake being with him. Why can't he just take another girl that won't lose her job over this? Oh, yes, because he doesn't want to, right. "I'm just tired. I don't want to date. I don't want a relationship, I really don't, my last one was awful.. and that was years ago, I just don't care for this anymore. I want my family to stop bothering me about being single, I just need you to fake it this once with me and I'll never ask a favour again! Swear!" and he did look cute, holding his hand over his chest like a little boy scout, you'll give him the fact that he's adorable at times. Even if he would likely choke you for calling him adorable. You take a deep breath and stand up to face your reflection "Holy shit." this is.. not the dress you would have picked for yourself. It's gorgeous, yes, but there's a lot of chest.. tasteful, but you don't usually show your cleavage this openly.. can you even wear black to a wedding?? You open the door and walk towards where he sits, "Can I wear bl-" and he shakes his head, "Yes, you can. Trust me. At least three of my cousins will wear black. Plus, it'll match my suit the best and I think we should match. That's something couples do, no?" and you just look at him.. "I.. guess?" you really aren't sure, you've never been serious enough with anyone that you were matching for weddings. But in any case, it's his money. He's buying this dress so.. you'll take a pretty, expensive dress when offered.. besides you look kind of nice in it. Maybe... '"Stop being insecure." you look up at him, realising that he could notice you fussing and trying to hide yourself, "You look beautiful. I like how this dress looks on you. You hide yourself too much.", and you just look at him. You didn't know he.. noticed you like that. You don't think any of them notice you, that's your intention. But he did anyway. A warmth starts spreading in your chest and you just turn back "Okay, we'll get this one. It's your choice anyway, Mr. Moneybags, you know your family best." and quickly walk into the dressing room to change back.

"Oh god, why did I say yes again?" you're shaking, you're so nervous. You're walking through the pebbled path as you make your way into the giant private garden his cousin rented for his wedding. You're terrified of meeting his family. You're going to be introduced as.. what? Lord knows what. He has barely told you anything this far besides "I'll pick you up at home, be ready when I get there." and "You don't need to stress, my family is incredibly relaxed and they don't care for pomp. You'll see." sure.. you'll see... you'll see that apparently his cousin is also incredibly rich! Or at least it looks that way. God, you're going to make a fool out of yourself in front of all of these people... you should leave, you can fake sickness, you can-.. you can feel his hand engulf yours. A massive, strong hand suddenly snaking around your trembling one. His thick fingers force yours apart and lock them with his. It cuts your breathing for a second and you look up at him, "Please, stop that. You're safe. I wouldn't ask you if I thought anyone would be rude to you. My family will love you, I'm sure my mother will lose her mind. My father isn't a monster, even if he looks more intimidating, he'll be delighted with you too. He's been telling me to settle down for years.. they'll love you. I trust you completely and I want you to trust me too." he's looking into your eyes and you feel the urge to cry suddenly, you don't know why, there's just something there.. "I know it doesn't always come across that way, it's my temper, but I really like you. You're a good friend, I trust you. I've open up to you a lot more than I've opened up to some others I've known for years. I would have never asked if I didn't think we could fake being a couple well enough. Don't be scared, I'll be right here and you're safe with me. Okay? I don't need you to do anything major. Just need you to act like you don't hate me and that you would, if bribed and begged enough, sleep with me on occasion." he says it with humour, trying to make you laugh, but there's no humour in you right now. There can be none. Because you don't need to pretend that you don't hate him. And you definitely wouldn't need to be bribed into sleeping with him. You'd do so gladly. You'd even offer first. 'You want him' there's the traitorous voice that has been haunting you lately, whenever he's near, and that voice is correct. Which is a thought that scares you even more.

You're not okay. You're just simply not okay at all. You have drank enough that you've let go of all your inhibitions. You're watching him dance with his cousin's bride, lost his jacket and tie a while back, his sleeves are rolled up and he's the freest you've ever seen him. He's beautiful. He's so handsome. And he's hot as hell too. The reception has been beautiful, the speeches were lovely. His whole family nearly dropped in shock when he introduced you to everyone as his girlfriend. His mother shrieked in delight. His cousins did too. Even the bride, who has known him for years and watched him grow up, came over and gave you a huge hug, "Oh, I'm so happy to meet you!! He's a dog for hiding you from us, but I'm glad that you're finally taking him off the streets.. he's been evading love for too long." and she side eyed him, called him a sneak for keeping you hidden from them and he pouted and told her to get off his back. She treats him like a baby brother and it makes him huffy when he's treated like a child. All of his older cousins do, and they've ribbed him all night about not telling anyone that he was dating 'such a gem'. You're a gem. You've never been called a gem. Or beautiful this often either. His mother has hugged you and danced you with like she's known you for years. His father, tall and intimidating, has smiled softly at you often and asked you to dance with him too. They've been lovely and keep telling you how happy they are that he's finally found someone. "You're such a lovely girl, I can tell, and.. he deserves it so much. He's been alone for too long, he deserves a girl that will treat him right this time." it's tumbling in your head. What happened with his previous relationship? Something awful that everyone keeps avoiding but mentions in passing as something to never be spoken of openly. It must have been horrible if it put him off of dating for so long. You focus on him again, dancing with one of his baby cousins now, tiny little toddler that twirls her dress when he spins her gently. Your heart beats it's way up to your throat and you feel it threatening to come out. 'God, don't... you're faking this, just don't. You don't even know for how long he'll ask you to fake it, nothing makes sense about it.. but just.. don't.. be a good friend and don't.' yet.. you still swoon and sigh at the way he lifts his baby cousin up in the air and she squeals with delight, says his name in that baby tender way children do, and melts into his embrace as he kisses her a million times. He looks straight into your eyes suddenly, smiling as he kisses this baby, and you feel your heart again. You smile back at him, fondly and in love, and you lie and tell yourself that you're faking it.

"I need you to be free this Saturday, please tell me you are." you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear his voice behind you. Drop all the supplies you'd been grabbing from the cupboard and turn around, startled and a little angry, "Can you stop doing that!? How do you walk this quietly!!?? Are you a spy for some special organisation!??" and his hearty laugh turns your legs a little into jelly, "Are you free on Saturday or not, girlfriend?" your traitorous heart speeds up at being called girlfriend, you ignore it and ask him suspiciously, "I think so? Why am I being asked this.." and when he gives you that angelic smile you know you're in trouble again.. "My mum has invited us for lunch. Dad's cooking.", you give him a neutral look, "I promise he can cook! I swear men in my family are great cooks! It's a cultural thing.", and you watch him get smug, your blood rushes faster in your veins, but you choose a frown instead of swooning, "Do I really have to..", he looks a bit taken back by that but says softly, "I wouldn't force, of course, I would never do that. But.. we are dating. And my parents want to know you better. You have to remember that I did sort of just drop this on everyone out of the blue.." he looks dejected, you've never seen him this way, you don't like how it makes you feel.. "I don't mean that I don't want to, I'm sorry, but I'm just scared.. what if they don't like me? And what if I put a foot wrong? At the wedding it was easy to pretend. I wasn't the focus, and you cut all the questions down. But.." you say his name softly, "This time is different. They'll expect me to answer questions too. What if I don't know what to say and give us away?". he does it again.. his hand reaches for yours, holds them gently while his thumbs softly stroke your skin in a soothing gesture, "Hey, I'm right here. I'll be with you the whole time. I won't let you drown. We can do this together, I know my parents. They will only ask you questions about yourself, you can answer that, I'll answer what needs to be said for us.", you nod, his voice is so soothing, it makes your whole body relax, but you still say, "You can't always be doing that. We need to work a plan for how we met, how we started dating, all the details. We both need to know exactly what to say and it needs to match. We can't wing this. If we're going to pretend, we need to do it well.", he smirks at you, amused, "You're so cute. Always so obsessed with details, always want to do every little thing right. I love that about you.", your breath catches your throat and you watch him get closer to you, "Why don't you come over for dinner tonight and we'll discuss the details? I'll cook. I swear I'm good at it!", you barely find the breath to say a quiet 'of course' as his name is called from down the hall, he smiles, kisses your cheek with all the casualty in the world, and says "I'll pick you up at seven, girlfriend!" and starts to stroll away, suddenly looks back and adds, "By the way.. I like that dress, it makes your eyes sparkle. You should wear it more.". Leaves you standing there, heart hammering in your chest, thinking 'why did I say yes again?'..

He wasn't lying. He can actually cook. It's a simple meal but it still made you feel warm inside when he said "I'm making my favourite for us, I hope you'll like it.", before you watched him cook dinner for you. He doesn't let you touch anything, just told you to sit and relax, "Let me handle everything.", and you grabbed the glass he gave you and walked to his couch. You don't always drink, but he has impeccable taste and this wine, something you don't ever think much about, is very light. "White wine goes best with what I'm making, so I hoped you'd enjoy it." it tastes.. expensive. You don't know how you know that, but the bottle is so non-descript that it has to be expensive. His house has to be expensive too. You don't recognise a single thing in it, but the minimal decoration, neutral colours and the feel of the fabrics just says 'yes, he really paid several amounts of money for this grey couch'. You're afraid to spill wine on it, so you get back up and go sit across from him at the bar stools by the island. You take small sips as you watch him, relaxed and free, in just a basic black tshirt and grey joggers. 'Even that's expensive' you notice the Boss logo so that one you know for sure, but regardless of the price.. it's not really the logo you're appreciating. It's the way his body looks in that tshirt. The way his butt looks in the joggers too when he turns around to grab something from the fridge.. "Do you have any allergies?" you look up at him quickly, he definitely found you starring at his butt if the smirk is any indication, and you turn pink, say quickly to hide your embarrassment, "Not that I'm aware.", his voice is thick with amusement, "Let's hope we don't find out tonight." and goes back to cooking. "How did we start dating?", you ask emboldened and he doesn't skip a beat or look surprised, "I'm going to be honest, I think the best way is for us to say that we just started to grow close at work and one thing led to another. There's no need to give a lot of details, the less we say, the better it'll benefit us in the end.", and you nod, take a longer sip and stay silent. He's right. The less details you give to anyone, the easier the lie is to keep up. It's the logical, correct approach. And if it's the logical, correct approach.. why are you disappointed that there's no romance to it?

His body is warm against yours, his lips are soft as he kisses your neck. His hands are roaming your body and you moan openly when he sinks deeper, legs tightening around his hips, you cling to him and melt as he whispers in your name in your ear. You're so close. He's so good, he's always so good at everything, of course he'd be good at sex too, but.. he's just so good.. you want him so badly, you want it all so badly, you whine and moan and beg and.... wake up. Startled that your alarm went off. Nearly fall out of bed and look around, confused and frantic, trying to find out where you are. Home. In your bed. Alone, as usual. 'Right..', you sigh and get up, start to get ready for the day as the images play in your mind. You had a lovely dinner, you sat on his couch talking for far too long to the point you lost track of time and he even offered to let you sleep over "I'll take the couch, you can take my bed. I'm a gentleman, always." you can hear his voice so clear and that made your stomach twist again. You didn't want him to be a gentleman.. so you shook your head and told him you'd rather go home, made up the excuse that you can't sleep unless it's in your bed just to hide how disappointed you were. He's.. honest. That's the problem. He's been honest the entire time. He asked you a favour. Asked you to fake a relationship with him just for a while until his family stops bothering him and then he'll inform them you broke up, go back to being solitary as he's content to be. He told you that, in those exact words. And.. it stung. Even if you know that it shouldn't. Because, the truth that you are having a harder and harder time ignoring is: you like him. You had a crush on him before you started working there, you knew who he was. Of course you did. And working closely with him just made it worse. This is making it worse. Because now you get to experience what would be like to date him, yet.. you can't date him. No one can even know about it at work, granted he doesn't seem to care. Everything about this can, and will, end up horribly. Especially for you. You go to work feeling like a zombie, do your tasks mechanically, can't stop having flashes of your dream. How warm he felt, how good he felt. It makes you feverish and you're out of sorts all day. You're distracted and you keep reading the same line over and over until his voice breaks your trance "Are you free on Saturday or no? You never told me." you just nod, absent minded, "Yes, I am. Where do I need to be and at what time?", you're colder to him than he's used to and it makes him frown a little, "I'll pick you up as usual. Would you like me to buy you something to wear? I'm not insulting you, just offering if you'd like a new dress or a new outfit just in case.", that hurts your fragile ego given how you're feeling, "I have enough clothes and they'll suit just fine, thank you. Your parents surely won't be mortally offended to see me wearing high street, not if they're no pomp people the way you said.", he scoffs ,"No, they won't. No one cares about branding in my family, but thanks for thinking that poorly of us.", "Thanks for treating me like your poorly dressed sugar baby in a need of a make-over.", his eyes turn cloudy and he says, curtly, "I wasn't trying to imply that at all, I just made an offer. Given that you're doing all of this for me, I just thought it would be nice if I did something for you.", it offends you more, you interpret that as a being seen as a gold digger, "I don't need your money, I make my own. I can buy myself clothes, even if not with the price tags you can afford. And besides, I don't need anything from you, I agreed because we're good friends, remember?", he just nods and walks away without a single word. And you get up, walk to the bathroom, and lock yourself in one of the cubbies, sobbing quietly, for a good 15 minutes.

The ice has melted by the weekend and you both play the part beautifully. His parents truly are delightful and you do love spending time with them, they're so kind and sweet to you. You warm up more and more around him as the meal goes on and by the end you're sitting in his lap on the couch. It feels so natural. To have his hands on your body, his breath brushing your hair, to have him nuzzle you and place kisses on your temple from time to time. His father's words haunt you even when you're back home, all alone, "I haven't seen you smile like this in so long, son, I'm so happy you found each other." It makes it so much harder. Everything makes it so much harder. Because it starts a flood. The lunch is only the beginning. You start to spend more and more time with him after that. Get invited to go out with his friends and their partners, get invited for family birthdays. You have to watch him be himself around the people he loves the most, pretending to be his loving girlfriend. And you are. At some point it becomes less fake and more real to you. Something changes in him too. He's so free, so tender and touchy with you, his hands always seeking yours, nuzzling you, kissing your face in front of others. You do everything but kiss. Until you're pushed to. Another cousin gets engaged. Yet another family party happens. You're lightly tipsy, keep getting roped into doing shots with his mates. They like you, and you like them too, they're hilarious and they tell you all sorts of embarrassing stories about your "beloved" in his youth. You're just.. happy.. and he's happy too, holding you close, his body tightly pressed to yours, as you dance. You're looking into each other's eyes, you've never wanted to kiss someone as badly as you want to kiss him, and suddenly his cousin, the oldest one, shouts from across the room, "Will you just kiss the girl already!?" and he tells him off, laughing, while you turn bright pink and freeze. Suddenly all of his cousins and mates start shouting, hooting and encouraging him, "Come on, kiss her!", "Are you going to wait until the wedding day to kiss her in front of us!?", "You've never been this shy before!" and he wants to play it off, make sure that you're comfortable and don't feel forced, he whispers softly in your ear "Ignore them, they're being dicks.", but when he looks back at you.. your hands just wrap around the base of his neck, slide up into his hair, pull him down and you kiss him. Hooting and clapping erupts around you but you don't care. You're kissing him. You're actually kissing him. You feel on fire, you've never wanted anything so badly. You melt into him as he keeps kissing you back, hungrily, and it makes you burn even hotter. He pulls back so fast when his cousin, the engaged one, shouts playfully "Get a room!" and you're mortified that you just put on a show. He isn't. Just tells him off and says "You wanted me to kiss my girlfriend, didn't you? There you have it!" and you shiver all over at the mention of girlfriend again. You can't stop looking at him for the rest of the night. You're so into him. You're so desperate. You need him, you just can't play pretend anymore, you need more kisses, more touches, more everything.

It's not your fault that you fall into bed that night, it was simply inevitable. There was so much sexual tension between you after that kiss, or at least you felt it that way. He drives you home and you can't help when you kiss him at your front door. And the way he kisses you back just as quickly, just as desperately, just as willing, has you beg him "Come in. Please.". He does take you inside, you're tipsy in a way that makes you stumble a little, but not in a way that inhibits your judgment. It doesn't matter to him because he refuses to touch you like that, but.. you didn't stand on the same high ground as he did. Touching him made him feel something too, it turned him on and made him break his resolve. Falling into bed felt so natural, so right. Like it was meant to be all along. Feeling him, skin heated, above you as he whispered low in your ear, touching you, kissing you everywhere, sinking deeper and deeper with every thrust, making you arch up into him and moan and whine, his name falling freely from your lips along with begging, driving you both to the brink of sanity and watching it all fall apart as you collided into each other. Two bright balls of fire no longer capable of holding back. It left you euphoric, needing more and more, and he fed off of that energy. You fell apart together more times than you probably should have and you ended up falling asleep on his chest, exhausted, breathless and deeply sated. You dreamt about it in your slept.. imagined the beautiful life you could have together while sleeping safe in his arms... that's why it was extra crushing when you woke up all alone. Naked in your bed, cold in your sheet, with only a small note on your bedside table saying 'I'm so sorry'.

You're focusing extra hard on your work. You sobbed, felt like something was ripped from you, pulled yourself together and got dressed before leaving for work. 'It's fake. It meant nothing at all. You're an idiot. You're the one that fell in love. God, you're so stupid. This is all your fault. Why did you even say yes!? Stupid stupid stupid'. You copy some more lines and scan your work for errors. You might have messed up on other areas, but you're still professional above all. "Hey." his voice feels like a bucket of ice water now, you're no longer happy to have him around. You lift your cold eyes up and pierce him with a glare, "May I help you?" and he at least as the decency to look embarrassed, "I'm so-" you hold up a hand and cut him off, say coldly, "You can cut the crap. I don't give a shit. You can leave and go back to your training. This was it. I'm done, I don't care if you need help. Tell your family that I broke up with you.", you can see panic in his eyes. Good. You want him to hurt the way you're hurting, "I didn't think-" "No, you clearly didn't. I'm glad we agree on that. But none of that matters now because this is over. You got what you wanted and I got what I wanted, so we can both part ways now. Just inform your family that it's over and tell them that I did it. I want them to think I'm the bitch instead, that will make you look better. See? Aren't I nice to you, good friend!" your voice drips with sarcasm and he suddenly turns cold, "Of course. Thank you for your help." and just turns his back and walks away. It's a good thing that the bathroom is so close.. because you're going to hide in the same cubbie as usual and cry all through lunch again.

It's needless to say he feels sick. This isn't what he wanted at all. He freaked out and he knows. But that's exactly why he wanted to talk to you. Because.. he loves you. The previous night was just too much for him. He's been trying to push down all these feelings that have been bubbling inside him and he couldn't push them any longer. He didn't mean for anything to get so far, but you were so.. enticing. He wanted you. He just couldn't push at that anymore. You willingly wanted him too and he gave in. Even for a night, he had to have you, he needed to know what it was like to truly have you. He just wasn't good with the aftermath when all his feelings came crashing down on him and you were sleeping peacefully, no longer an anchor to help guide him on what to do. He responded the way he always does when he's afraid: by growing cold. He left you, all alone, in your bed and only wrote the cowardly note to appease his own conscience that he was doing things to protect you. He's been broken for so long that he doesn't know how to be whole again now. She messed him up, it skewed his views of himself and he didn't want to bring that into your plate. But he's fucked up even more than he would have if he'd been honest and faced the truth. He loves you so dearly, you've brought him so much joy.. he turns the volume higher as that song starts to play, drives home, sings along and feels sorry for himself as he remembers all the moments you've shared. All the times he wanted to kiss you, all the times he's wanted to confess he was falling for you, all the times he's wanted to say 'What if it was real? What if we stopped pretending? What if we truly did this?' but silenced those thoughts instead. He just wanted to talk, wanted to finally expose himself, pull the curtains back and show you all that's him, the rawness that he feels when he's with you. You're like wearing a woolly sweater against his naked skin: it was uncomfortable at first but it brought him so much warmth that he started to miss it even before taking it off. Having to face being in a relationship wasn't easy, it was painful even and he took control of it all on purpose, but as he started to taw out and let you take the wheel it just became easier. You're not like her, you're nothing like her, and you woulnd't hurt him. But he hurt you. It was so easy to love you.. you did it so honestly... with such a freedom and sweetness.. and.. he's in love. And he's waited so long to be in love... he's been so lonely.. he can't. He can't let you go. Not when he's grown this attached to you. Not when you gave him hope.

The incessant knocking on your door is pissing you off. The delivery guy needs to be joking right now, he can't be in much of a hurry. "Fucking hell are you late for the train!?", you swing the door open and it's not the delivery guy, "Yes, I am." he pushes into your house, holds your face in both hands and kisses you fiercely. Resists all your pushes, kicks the door shut behind himself with his foot and doesn't stop kissing you until you grow pliant in his hands, just the way you were the night before. You moan into the kiss and he immediately breaks from you, "I can't tell my parents you broke up with me.", you want to throw him out of your house, you're going to argue but, "In fact, I can't tell anyone that. Because you're not breaking up with me. I'm not letting you.", and he kisses you again, this time even longer, slower and sweeter, and you feel your brain completely dissolve and disappear. "We're not breaking up. We can't and we won't. I fucked up. I was a fucking asshole for leaving like that. I'm sorry. I panicked. I'm in love with you and I panicked.", needless to say that's not what you're expecting to hear at all. You stand there, looking at him like a fish out of water, and he continues, words pouring out of him like the rain that's finally pouring outside after threatening the whole day, "I love you. This started as a way to shut up everyone, to distract them so they would leave me alone again after I told them we broke up and that I just am not meant to be in relationship. But that's a lie. I wasn't mean to be in a relationship with her, but I'm mean to be in one with you. You humbled me. You showed me all these things about myself that I'd never seen. You showed me so much love. You showed me that someone can want me for me. I saw you fall in love with me. I pretended I didn't notice, because it scared me so fucking much. She left me completely fucked up, but you showed me that it doesn't have to be that way. You're honest and you're real, you made me see that I could be too. I want this to be real. I know I've fucked up things with us but I'll spend the rest of our lives correcting this if you let me. So, no, I can't tell my parents that you broke up with me. Because I never even got the chance to really date you, we can't break what never had the room to start."

You swallow and ask softly "What did your ex girlfriend do?", and he inhales sharply, "Fiancée. We even got engaged... because I'm an idiot. She didn't.. she just..", you realise that this is deeper and harder for him to open up about, you take his hand, the way he's done with you many times in the past, "I'm here, remember? You're safe with me. And I'm right here.", you watch him nod slowly, for a split second he looks like a child that's trusting you with all he has, and he sounds more hurt when he speaks again, "We met through a friend. I thought she was the world. I don't know why but it was like... immediate, you know? I just felt like she was what I'd been waiting for all my life. And god, I was so wrong.. but I didn't notice. I trusted her and I did everything she asked me without asking questions. I was eager, I wanted a wife and a family, I don't even know why I was rushing.. probably because I got so swept up in every dream she sold me. But she didn't love me. She just wanted the fame, the cameras.. she wanted the lifestyle, she wanted all this shine.. and that's not the man I am. But I offered it to her still. I proposed because she kept showing me rings and mentioning everyone around us marrying.. I didn't even notice they were older than us, I just started to feel like I had to do it too. We had everything. We got all the details, set all the dates, did the whole rehearsal.. everything. Only two days before we were supposed to marry.. I found her fucking my friend, the same one that introduced us. Turns out they'd been doing that all along.", your heart sinks when he tells you this, you want to find whoever this girl was and hurt her even more than she hurt him, you hold his hands tighter, "I'm so sorry, that's so cruel. You deserve so much better than that." "She told me I didn't. She had told me over our time together that I'm too stubborn, too difficult, too hard-headed to love.. she made me believe she was the only one that could ever put up with me and love me..", you push into his space, hold his face and say softly "You aren't. Yes, you are stubborn. Yes, you're hard-headed and at times that makes you difficult. It's pointless of me to lie to you, but you know what? None of it matters because you are worthy of love. You're easy to love when you're yourself. You're worthy of so much love, because you give so much of it back too. You made it so easy to love you.... I tried so hard to just pretend, to keep it to the lie, to make sure nothing was getting out of control but.. it was so easy to fall in love with you. That scared me so much..", you're so close together, you can feel each others breaths, "You hurt me so badly this morning. I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest. I carelessly let myself fall in love with you and you did that..", his eyes get watery, his voice sounds quieter and shakier, "I'm so sorry. I truly am. I was so scared, but I never meant to hurt you. Please let me make up to you. Let me fix this. Don't push me away now, not when I've finally opened up and allowed you inside. I need you. I don't know what to do without you, it sprung up on me so fast and I'm so lost.. let me fix it, I can fix it, give me a chance. Let me do things right this time, let me show you the love you deserve. Let me make up for everything. Just.. you are my happiness, you're in all of my dreams. Give me a chance to try again, give us a chance at an happy ending. Please.". You're looking into his eyes. All the vulnerability in them for you to openly see. You feel everything he feels right now, as if his emotions are your own, and you nod. Your voice comes out softly, "Yes. I love you. Yes.", and he kisses you like you just made all of his dreams a reality. And maybe.. you have. You'll have a whole life ahead to see if to that.