#editing shit on the phone literally sucks ass
Text
Spent literally all my afternoon stressing about then actually doing the video my sister TASKED ME to edit for her bookstagram only for her to watch it once and go "it's okay" and go back to what she was doing
.... I wish murder was not permanent (and legal)
#YOU MADE THE VIDEOS MY RESPONSIBILITY#WITHOUT ASKING IF I WANTED TO OR COULD#literally a day and a half after we decide on the first video you're texting me if it's dONE ALREADY#go fuck yourself#editing shit on the phone literally sucks ass#not even a tHANK YOU ?????#FUCK YOU !!!!!!#ik this is the most unserious of issues#(and I will help with the other videos)#i like helping and the videos are fun (specially after they're done)#but it's more the thankless expectation#yeah im ur sister... yeah I said I'd help with the writing thing but I didn't OFFER to be responsible for ALL THE VIDEOS#and you DIDN'T ASK !!! you just said “hey the one you remade did better than the ones I did so... it's your job now”#and after i make the damn thing (which was a lot harder than the other pics compilation one bY THE WAY) you don't even say thank you#or react better to it#yeah it's simple but you also gave me NOTHING TO WORK WITH#(ik this is stupid but this is My Yard/Journal Entry/Dojo Mojo Casa House so stfu okay?)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
hinge and uhaul
summary: college!au. when all else fails…one must look for love on hinge!
an: hi! back from hiatus and of course it would be for a clump of pixels because i am down astronomically bad! this is the first part of a possible series! so let me know if a part 2 is warranted.
warnings: cursing, reader has 0 rizz shes literally a mess, reader also rambles and lots of this is just her inner dialogue because why not. also not very edited and possible tense shifts because im the worst!
part 2
———————————
Tinder is a soul-sucking vortex.
A nightmarish flurry of shirtless mirror selfies, conservatives, and men that look like they’d hit on your mom after walking you to the door. Switching your profile settings from ‘men’ to ‘everyone’ seemed like the best option; It wasn’t. The best option would’ve been to delete your account and light your phone on fire after receiving the fourth “you send?” message in a row.
Hinge is a smaller soul-sucking vortex. At least you can deny their comments before you embarrass yourself by matching with a douche like that. Your account is set to ‘show me everyone’ and you can only hope that ‘everyone’ includes at least some good ones. Swiping and clicking on dating apps seems to be more of a game than it is actual match-making, a time-passer of sorts.
Your roommate, Dina, huffs loudly from her lofted bed across the room, “would you get your sorry ass off of that app? It’s sad listening to you moan and groan about all the losers!”
You roll your eyes, “my soulmate could be the next person!”
No. No. No, again. Oooh…yes?
You swipe through the girl’s page before deciding not to match with her, because who’s Hinge bio states that they’re still in love with their ex? Dina cheers while you huff and slam your phone onto your desk, spinning idly in your chair. The television on top of Dina’s purple mini fridge is playing a random episode of Bob’s Burgers and, for a moment, you forget about your ever-growing dating app addiction.
It’s not that you’re addicted per say. You just spend most of your downtime sitting in your bed and judging people’s profiles, when yours surely isn’t up to par either. Hey, at least you don’t have a picture of you holding a fish.
The rhythmic buzz of your phone quickly draws your eyes away from the cartoon on screen, your hand dramatically reaching for your phone.
Hinge: Ellie liked you! Tap to see the comment she left.
Ellie. That’s a cute name…fairly normal too! Surely she didn’t leave some weirdo comment about how your hair looks like it smells good. Your fingers fumble to tap on the notification and you feel a blush rising to your cheeks as you click on Ellie’s like.
She left her comment under a picture of you taken at a local museum. A big cheesy grin is painted across your face and there’s skeletal remains of some random dinosaur behind you, Dina is crouched under the jaw of the creature pretending to scream while she gets eaten. Hopefully this isn’t one of those situations where Ellie asks ‘if your friend is single.’
Nope. She left a simple comment. I love dinosaurs!!!
You smile as you quickly click on Ellie’s profile to see her. There are a couple pictures of her, and good god is she hot. Flushed, you quickly match with her.
But what do you say? This is life or death. You need this woman.
Hey!
You’re hot
Do you want to have vicious lesbian sex with me?
Okay. Jesus, you are not good at this. While you mull over the keyboard attempting to decide what to say to the ever-attractive Ellie, another message comes in.
Hey, pretty girl!
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Your fingers are fumbling over the keyboard, your heart is beating, you’re planning you and Ellie’s wedding. You wonder if she likes lace or prefers the classic look?
Hey! What’s up?
Nothing really. Just playing some guitar!
Guitar? She just gets hotter. Did she also save puppies from a burning building? You wonder if she would want roses at the wedding. Hopefully not, too basic.
Ooooh guitar you say? Whatcha playing?
It’s a few moments before she responds and you’re biting the nail on your thumb awaiting her reply.
Whatever your favorite song is.
A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you smile and rest your head in your hand.
Why don’t I tell you that over dinner?
It takes Ellie a few minutes to respond this time and you’re sure you’ve managed to scare her off at the mention of an actual date. Her reply comes just as you go to turn your phone off,
How about you give me your number and we can talk more about this date?
————
Giving your number to Ellie was perhaps the best decision made in your life thus far. She constantly sends text messages of whatever she’s doing, wearing, eating, or strumming on her guitar. It’s been about a week since you first exchanged information and you’re slightly worried that Ellie no longer wishes to go out on a date. You’ve tried to ‘accidentally’ bump into her on campus multiple times, but she manages to just barely slip away each time.
You’re sitting at your desk attempting to finish an essay when your phone rings in your lap. Ellie’s contact appears lit up on the screen and you just about scream when you grasp the phone between your fingers.
“Hello?” You’re already blushing.
“Hey, you! What’re you up to?” Ellie’s voice is loud into the microphone and you can make out multiple different voices on her end of the line.
“Nothing important,” you close your computer quickly, “why, what’s up?”
She takes a moment to answer as you hear her yell something to whoever else is in the room with her, “me and some friends are at a bar…will you come? Live music and stuff. Plus, I still haven’t taken you on that date!”
“Yes!” Okay, you probably should’ve tried to sound less excited. “Ehem…yes. Text me the address?”
You hear Ellie laugh before she happily responds, “will do! Text me when you get here and I’ll come out front to meet you.”
—————
Dina and her friends surely shop at Hookers R Us because where else would anybody find a skirt so goddamn short.
“D. Dina. My cheeks are hanging out the bottom.” Dina rolls her eyes and tugs on the hem of the mini denim skirt.
“Well if you wore it down here,” she tugs the denim again, “instead of up to your tits like a grandma would…maybe it would be longer.”
Several shirts are thrown toward your perch on Dina’s desk chair, “what’s wrong with the shirt I have on?”
Dina’s boyfriend. Jesse, interjects, “because I don’t like it.”
“Okay, fashion police. How about this one?” You hold up a form fitting black top and Dina nods vigorously, “yes. But no bra. Show off them ladies!”
————
The Uber barely comes to a full stop as you clamber out of the backseat. Grasping for your phone, you text Ellie.
Here! :)
Was the smiley face overkill? Too much?
Cominh!!!!!
*Coming. Not drunk, I swear.
You think you’re the one doing the coming as you watch Ellie stroll towards you in the parking lot. If she was hot on Hinge, she’s ten-thousand times hotter in the dingy lighting that casts a magical glow upon her. She’s wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a white wife-beater, an old worn out flannel is unbuttoned over the top and rolled up just above her elbows. Her raggedy jeans are cuffed to the top of her converse and— wow is she a walking wet dream.
“Hey! I’m glad you came.” She doesn’t wait for an answer as she pulls you straight in for a hug, her calloused hands resting on your hips. You feel her finger tips touching the uncovered skin below your top, the contact makes you shiver.
Ellie squeezes you a little tighter before pulling away, leaving her arm draped over your shoulder, “c’mon, warmer inside.”
You let her lead you into the bar and through the slight crowd congregated near the entrance. A small group of people stand huddled next to the bar and Ellie leads you straight to them as she leans down to speak in your ear, “those are my friends.”
You nod and shamelessly nudge your body to be tucked further into her side, blushing profusely when you feel her arm tighten around your shoulders.
“Guys, this is the girl I was telling you about! And these are my friends I mentioned on the phone.” Ellie smiles while she introduces you to everyone and as much as you enjoy the domesticity of hanging out with her friends, you much prefer the nook you’ve found nestled under Ellie’s toned arm.
———
Her face leans down by your ear again, “wanna drink? I’ll get you one.”
You smile up at her, “would you shoot me if I said I want an espresso martini instead of the beer you’ve been nursing all night?”
She giggles into your ear and her breath fans across your face, “one espresso martini, coming up!”
She pulls away and salutes you before turning around and marching to the other end of the bar, waving her arm to grab the bartender’s attention.
“So you’re the lucky lady? I’m Abby, Ellie’s friend.” Damn, she is buff as hell. Her toned arm stretches across a barstool to shake your hand.
You stare at her open palm, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. Who still shakes hands? I’m done drinking for the night.”
She cracks a smile when you laugh and shake her hand anyways, “nothing wrong with a good ol’ handshake.”
You speak with Abby while you wait for Ellie to return with your martini. She’s leaning up against the wood and speaking to the bartender as he pours the concoction into a glass. How she manages to look so appealing at all times is an enigma. Her short hair is pulled half-up into a bun while the rest barely skims the top of her shoulders, the botanical tattoo on her forearm sticks out from under her rolled-up sleeve and—fuck. You’re drooling.
Double-fuck. She caught you staring.
You blush when she throws a wink your way, turning back toward the bar to grab your drink.
And then she’s in front of you once more, “malady.”
She slides in between your legs while you sit atop the cushioned barstool (which you’re pretty sure makes a fart noise any time you move) and rests both of her hands on your hips.
Lifting the drink to your mouth, you hum happily when the flavor covers your tongue, “good?”
“Really good. Superb.” Ellie chuckles and leans in toward you, placing a kiss in the hollow of your collarbone, “c’mon, there’s some more people I want you to meet.”
————
You’re not exactly sure how you ended up in this position but good god do you wish you could die right here and right now. Ellie is leaning up against the poster-covered wall of the bar with you pulled tightly to her chest. Your back is pressed against her front and one of her arms is wrapped around you, long fingers splayed across your lower stomach. She’s talking animatedly to the guy standing in front of you two and in all honestly you can’t focus on what they’re talking about while you feel the tips of Ellie’s fingers rest upon the skin under your skirt.
It’s innocent. She doesn’t realize her fingers have traveled just south of the top of your skirt, but you’d be lying if you said the feeling of her calloused fingertips below the belt didn’t make you squirm. Her auburn hair tickles the side of your face as your head rests back in the crook between her neck and shoulder. And even better—her cheek presses to the top of your head when there’s a lull in her current conversation.
Hearing the man she was speaking to bid his goodbyes, you turn in her arms. The one that was previously grasping a beer bottle quickly swaps to rest in the back pocket of your skirt instead, her other hand squeezes your hip.
“Hi.” She smiles at you.
“Hi.” You press a kiss to her cheek.
The feeling leaves Ellie warm and she squeezes you a few times before ultimately deciding to cut to the chase and lean in. It’s a sweet peck, a little tipsy kiss that leaves you buzzing and floating outside of your body. The bright, crooked smile she gives you after pulling away punches the air from your lungs and Jesus Christ— now you understand the U-Haul lesbians because in this moment you are well and truly fucked. If this woman, this stranger, asked you to pack your shit and move in, you would.
And the look she gives you as she brushes a stray piece of hair behind your ear tells you she might just feel the same.
#here she is#i told u#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams#tlou#tlou part 2#the last of us#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x y/n#ellie x reader
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
People are always talking about how we baby Jean but what about Harry? I’m basically sorry cop Harry in real life, and one of the most emotional things for me in Disco is finding out HARRY DOESN’T SUCK. In fact, Harry is a certified 360 spin kick genius. I assumed we were a depressed alcoholic floating through life and just an utterly destroyed broken human being. But despite all that:
-You’re famous enough Kim knows who you are and goes with your amnesia because he thinks the famous Harry Dubois is playing a funny prank. He lets you do all this shit cause he trusts you are THE Harry Dubois.
-Jean will take you back in literally every ending. He came to the Whirling in a wig, you guys have to be on better terms than he pretends you are to do that. He’s a dick, but honestly a lot of straight male friendship is calling each other slurs cause their fathers never taught them how to express love.
-Judit is weirdly defensive of you and I don’t know why she would be unless you were a GOOD BOSS. You let a chick on your task force you progressive thinker!
-Trant has some pretty kind takes on your position and seems if anything in awe of your methods. If Harry was a total fuck up would he try to mental gymnastics there must be a reason you got so drunk you wiped your brain?
- the Unsolvable Case and the World Mural, the other two times you were drunk off your ass were recent. Harry probably always been a drinker, but it’s possible shitty Harry is a more recent development.
I just wanna imagine Harry personally changed the lives of everyone in the phone call room and that’s why these 2 IQ losers are somehow carrying Precinct 41’s closing rate. Harry is a leader of men and chicks. HARRY DUBOIS ISN’T STUPID HE’S JUST TOO SMART FOR HIS OWN BRAIN AND A LITTLE SILLY.
Edit: I FORGOT MY THESIS. Super apologetic people will apologize for shit they didn’t even do. If you, like me, woke up as Harry Dubois and assumed you are the worlds greatest fuck up you need to examine why. Harry could have been literally anyone but we assumed he/we were a bad person.
160 notes
·
View notes
Text
CRAIG: Hey homos
CRAIG: Remember when I said I made a Tumblr like
CRAIG: A year ago?
STAN: Yeah, that thing is more inactive than my Myspace
KYLE: You still use Myspace???
STAN: Uh…
STAN: Maybe…
STAN: But making fun of Craig is more fun than making fun of me
KYLE: Oh yeah
CRAIG: Wow, okay, first of all, fuck you guys
CRAIG: Second, we got an ask I think?
KYLE: What do you mean you think ???
CRAIG: I don't know! Tumblr’s ask blog stuff usually sucks on Mobile
CRAIG: But I was thinking…
CRAIG: What if we like….
CRAIG: Use the questions on the blog to like uhm….
CRAIG: Ask the ghost or demon or whatever the questions?
CRAIG: Since we’re all probably too high to think clearly
TOLKIEN: No, that's just you and Kenny
TOLKIEN: The rest of us are fine
CRAIG: Haha lmao me when I lie
TOLKIEN: Shut up
CRAIG: Ew, Tolkien don't touch me
TOLKIEN: I am literally not, bitch
JIMMY: Am I w-w-w-witnessing a l-lovers q-q-q-q-quarrel?
TOLKIEN: God no
CRAIG: I would rather put a bunch of nails into a blender, sprinkle in some thumbtacks, blend it together with my hand STILL IN THE BLENDER, drink up the nails, thumbtacks, AND MY HAND AS I AM BLEEDING OUT, than EVER date Tolkien
CRAIG: Besides, he’s stupidly dating Clyde anyway
CLYDE: I CAN'T REACH THE BOARD I HAVE BIG FAT SAUSAGE FINGERS
KENNY: Well don't squish my HAND with your SAUSAGE FINGERS
CLYDE: I CAN'T HELP IT
CLYDE: I CAN'T HELP THAT MY GENETICS CURSED ME WITH BIG FAT MANLY MAN HANDS
KENNY: You are the straightest gay person I've ever met
KENNY: I bet you watch Andrew Tate videos in the Home Depot shelves
CLYDE: HEY!!
CLYDE: …They kicked me out so I can't do that anymore
CARTMAN: I hate this so much, I hope all of you know that
KYLE: Shut up, like actually
STAN: What's the first question, Big Supreme Man?
CRAIG: ….
CRAIG: Never breathe those words in my presence ever again or I will twist you like an Auntie Anne's pretzel
STAN: Well butter my biscuit and call me Popeyes
CRAIG: Hey Kenny, Do you think you could fight a demon?
KENNY: HELL YEAH!
KENNY: In fact….
KENNY: HEY!! If there's a spirit watching, I bet I could kick your ass!
JIMMY: K-K-K-K-K-Kenny, d-d-d-don't you kn-kn-know the f-f-f-first r-rule of h-horror m-movies?
JIMMY: D-don't p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-piss off th-the ghost
KENNY: The ghost can go Sugondeez
KYLE: Sugondeez?
KENNY: SUGONDEEZ NU-
CRAIG: WAWAWAWAWAWAIT SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
CRAIG: I wanna ask something
CRAIG: Is anyone there?
TOLKIEN: That is the most vanilla shit you could ever ask
CRAIG: Fuck you
(silence)
KYLE: Nothings happening
STAN: Lame
STAN: We did this for nothing
JIMMY: Uh, f-fellas?
JIMMY: L-l-l-l-look at th-this!
CLYDE: WAHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK WHOS DOING THAT?!
CLYDE: I'M GONNA PISS AND SHIT MYSELF!
KENNY: Does anyone wanna trade places with me?
LITERALLY EVERYONE: No
CRAIG: (pulls out phone)
KYLE: ARE YOU FILMING THIS RIGHT NOW????
CRAIG: If I'm gonna die, I wanna die famous
KYLE: UGHHHHHHHHHHH
STAN: H……..e……..y?
CRAIG: Woah, cool
CRAIG: This is gonna look so cool on my Google + account
STAN: ....Excuse me??
KYLE: Google + ?????
STAN: Who in their right mind still uses Google + ????
CRAIG: Me, your super totally cool and awesome famous friend who you should stop bullying
CRAIG: Anyways, what's up Ghost? Say hi to my fans
CRAIG: .....This is gonna get me so much clout
LITERALLY EVERYONE: (ANNOYED GROAN)
(EDITS BY @pissblanket)
#south park edits#south park#southpark#hellpark#underworld park#sp#craig tucker#kyle broflovski#stan marsh#kenny mccormick#craigfluencer
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
So… the finale.
Hi yes I’m late to season finale, I will note I had a big shift at my job and therefore I was fucking exhausted, and also I think it’s very indicative of how little I care about this show✨
For simplicity’s sake let’s break the finale down to two separate reviews of its two separate episodes, and go from there.
Ok? Ok.
Finale part 1:
So… Adrien wasn’t here at all!
Ok so I was aware of what was happening in the season finale from day 1 because of the season 5 Bible leaks, but jesus it still upsets me!
You mean to fucking tell me, that after all the shit Adrien has been through, from his father, from the plot, from marinette, EVERYTHING!!!
Bitch only gets one fucking scene?!
Like the sheer audacity of this show to constantly berate the viewers for saying chat noir is sidelined and that they’re equal and you’re just sexist, AND THEN NOT EVEN LETTING ADRIEN, AND INTEGRAL PART TO THE STORY AND GABRIEL’S MOTIVATION TO EVEN KNOW GABRIEL IS HAWKMOTH AND FINALLY STAND UP TO HIM?!
And even in the one scene where Adrien gets to speak his mind and have his moment so to speak, what does he do? Talk about how he is not worthy of Marinette’s love and gives up the miraculous because of the identity rule pushing him into a corner.
…WOW ITS ALMOST LIKE THE IDENTITY RULE IS BULLSHIT OR SOMETHING (note Gabriel immediately finds out who Marinette is and Marinette finds out who Gabriel is and the fight goes on like it’s nothing) AND ADRIENS ONLY PURPOSE IS TO SUPPORT MARINETTE!
(I will note I did like the slight hint of “Adrien is scared of his own power because of what happened in the beginning of the season” so points there)
Anyways yeah upsetting, in this entire finale Adrien gets 3 minutes and 9 seconds of screen time, but I can’t even say I’m surprised!
Other then this main thing, Gabriel’s plan is convoluted as fuck and banks on this app somehow brainwashing people and convincing them the heroes are evil and kidnapped the little digital Adrien and Kagami? Which was literally confirmed to not be full proof, but yeah this was just the boomer commentary of “PHONES ARE EVIL AND BRAINWASH AND MELT YOUR MIND AND YOU CLING TO IT FOR COMFORT” which I personally hate because it completely ignores how society is nowadays dependent on phones for purely practical reasons, and also that perhaps the youth clings to phones because adults have created a world in which they feel miserable and will cling to any semblance of comfort.
Anyways!
Finale Part 2:
Let me start this by saying… I hate bug noir.
Fullll on. I do not like what she stands for and the design, EVERYTHING!
Beyond the fact that this is just an extra fuck you to Adrien and anyone that complained about him being sidelined, and the fact this literally confirms the show doesn’t see the cat and ladybug miraculouses as equals, I just don’t like how the outfit looks? Like why the three braids??? Why the weird neon green contacts??? Like when I saw the spoilers for this finale and bug noir, I genuinely thought it was one of those fan edits of miraculous heroes people make and then post as “omg guys look at this leak from season 7 miraculous”
But yeah, Bug Noir and Gabriel be fighting and Gabriel is like “I did it all for Adrien” and Marinette’s like “no you didn’t you suck he’s happy now with others (aka me)” and then when Marinette’s about to win, Gabriel whips out this bullshit ass sob story??? About how everything was perfect when Adrien was born and how he’s his miracle child (I love how adoption is just not an option for straight people)
AND WE’RE SUPPOSED TO SYMPATHIZE?! Like bitch! THIS MAN HAS LITERALLY PROVEN IN ALTERNATE TIMELINE EPISODES TO IMMEDIATELY HURT ADRIEN THE MINUTE HE FINDS OUT HES CHAT NOIR!!!
Like if the show wanted Gabriel to be this multifaceted complex guy, DONT MAKE HIM ACTIVELY HURT THE THING HE CLAIMS HES DOING EVERYTHING FOR!!!!
And of course, through manipulation, Gabriel gets the miraculouses, and rather then fuse the miraculouses to form ultimate wish form (which btw I don’t understand how marinette just fused the two like it’s nothing and didn’t get the extra power up) he makes Plagg and Tikki “Reveal themselves” to him?
So fun Kwamis are basically gods (at least Plagg and Tikki are) and then they fuse to form the kwami of reality… gimme.
…I’m sorry the name sends me laughing every time
I much preferred null, the kwami of Souls, from the PV version of Miraculous because it sounds ominous at least, but gimme?! Ha!
Anyways Gabriel makes the wish and… there doesn’t seem to be any consequences!
Like that’s right you guys, Gabriel makes the wish to get his wife back, but rather then humanity actually suffering from the consequences of that wish, he just dies instead of Emilie? And everyone is just living their best lives now in this utopian Paris that runs on clean energy and Montessori schools (miraculous really acted like their presenting a new idea with that new school, and Montessori schools are often criticized for actually not accommodating students with learning disabilities as it’s so lax if a system, so just a reminder there’s no such thing as a perfect solution!)
And to top it all off… Gabriel is deemed a hero by Paris.
I SWEAR TO GOD—
That’s right kids, Gabriel after everything he did (and in this reality he still made the alliance rings and was Hawkmoth, everything) gets to be remembered as a hero that fought against Hawkmoth alongside Ladybug, rather then the terrorist and the abusive father he was, and how much pain he caused trying to get an ultimately selfish thing, and to top it all of? MARINETTE NEVER TELLS ADRIEN SHIT AS HE LITERALLY THINKS HE SHOULD BE MORE LIKE HIS FATHER! THE ABUSIVE TERRORIST FATHER!!!!
…the way the show literally will justify the terrorist, but then go to tell us how two 14 year old girls are pure evil and give them the worst fate and treatment possible! FEMENISM!!!✨
Beyond that, all the side heroes are back permanently, like it’s not dangerous to have so many miraculouses out at once, Marinette just fixes the miraculouses back to their original form??? SOMEHOW??? Like it wasn’t confirmed that if you so much as crack a miraculous it’s broken and dangerous to use, but there’s no rules here anymore, and Lila now has the butterfly miraculous because evilll
But yeah all in all? I think this was the worst fucking way to end the season and the entire Hawkmoth plot!
I will note that there is a hint in the last minute of the episode that Gabriel’s wish did have an affect on reality as Lila sees this weird lightning thing and then the screen goes black, so maybe we’ll actually get consequences for this wish!
But yeah!
Side note: liked how they used all the heroes from the specials, also that Luka is back, but I don’t trust the show to give him any roles beyond support marinette
Full honesty, I’m not sure if I’m going to continue with these reviews or the show, because let’s be real it’s a lot to deal with, but also the show kinda feels over?
Like I know the identity reveal didn’t happen, but marinette and Adrien are already together, the wish has been made, everyone seems to have some sort of resolution, so a part of me wonders what else do you need to watch the show for? Like what’s the point.
But yeah! This might be a sendoff to be reviewing all the miraculous episodes (tho you know that if something big happens, your girl will make a post about it✨)
This has been me sarcastically reviewing miraculous, goodnight tristate area!
#miraculous ladybug#mlb fandom#adrien agreste#marinette dupain cheng#ml rants#chat noir#ladybug#gabriel agreste#ml season 5#ml season 5 finale#i hate it here
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
Kurt Kunkle | Spree (2020) || Nipple Play // Praise Kink
No Murder AU; 2.5k words; NO BETA/ SELF- EDITED, Perverted Behavior (extreme), Swearing, Roleplay (Enemies), Name Calling, Dysfunctional Family, sub!Kurt, Rough Play, Slapping, Humiliation Kink (extreme), Shorter Reader (Kurt/Keery is 5’ 11”), Breast Worship, Ruined Clothes, Fingering (vaginal and anal), No Contraception, Mommy Kink, Breast Humping, Ejaculate On/Near Face, Kissing
Previous | Masterlist | Next: Kurt Kunkle Phone Sex & Object Insertion
SURPRISE this is a CONTINUATION from DAY 14 KURT KUNKLE LOVE BITES/MARKS
Boredom strikes hard around the late afternoon, since most of the house is clean, empty, or both. Literally no cleaning or packing had been started in Kurt's bedroom aside from his computer shit, but that was tomorrow's problem. For right now, the oven was making a weird noise and had a weird smell that was delaying dinner, and Mr. and Mrs. Kunkle were on the phone trying to fix it.
Kurt's head thunks against a kitchen cabinet. You both stand way too close together for two people who supposedly hate each other as you watch the older adults struggle to connect a simple repair job. Positions mirrored, you lean on the fridge with your arms crossed over your chest and so does Kurt, one foot between each other's wide legged stance.
Kris turned his head around to look at you. "You may wanna head home, dinner's gonna be extra late if we can't get this thing started."
"Or turn the oven on without blowing the whole house up," Angela adds crankily.
"Don't worry about me, guys. If you can't get it fixed, I can go pick something up and bring it back for you."
As soon as his parents' backs were turned, Kurt mouths, 'kiss ass' at you. You respond by quickly glancing at the elder Kunkles to make sure they're still distracted, then kick him in the shin and pantomime deep throating a penis. Kurt gropes himself and mouths, 'suck this one' before you both pretend like nothing had transpired between the two of you.
The whole party listens to three minutes of hold music and makes idle conversation before somebody from customer service picks up and has Kris and Angela's full attention.
You were too busy watching their backs to notice Kurt's sneaky hands.
"Hey!" You whisper yell as he caresses your boobs and scares the shit out of you.
Kurt just shushes you like you're the one who's going to get them caught and continues to play with them, pulling at the cups of your bra and tugging at your shirt. It feels good so you let him continue to play, edging closer so that it's not so obvious that he's feeling you up.
He gives you his jacket (oversized on you) to let you hide yourself, then tucks your shirt up into your armpits. His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas upon seeing your bra and the curve of your breasts. Everything is always treated like it's new to Kurt and it starts a bio feedback loop of excitement in your brain. You bite down on your lip and watch his parents out of the corner of your eye as Kurt slips a finger under the bra's underwire.
You don’t want him to pull it up like your shirt lest you get caught, so you take his hands and help him pull the cups down and tucked underneath your spilling, hardening buds. And poor little virgin Kurt gasps softly upon laying his eyes on your naked chest.
“Kurt,” you whisper, “touch them.”
His eyes darken and he pinches and kneads your flesh like his own personal doughy toy. And his efforts are rewarded with stifled moans that sound like deep breaths, as well as the sight of you squeezing your thighs together in the paint splattered denim shorts you wore today.
It’s getting harder not to just shove his hand into your underwear and demand he take care of you. Kurt’s mouth hangs open and his eyes droop and he looks like a sappy, lovesick pet who wants nothing more than to suck on your tits. He might even purr if he did…
Thankfully, Kurt is paying just slightly more attention to your surroundings than you are, and he pulls your shirt down (without fixing your bra) before leaning back to fake a casual pose as his mom turns around. You wrap the jacket he gave you over your chest to hide and somehow nobody notices it’s traded owners.
“Good news! Linda, the customer service girl, says it’s just some old, burnt food and we can totally heat the pizza!”
You and Kurt fake an enthusiastic cheer. Kris pats his pockets with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and turns to his son.
“You got a light, bud?”
Kurt’s eyes dart to you for help, though you’re not sure why. That is until you reach into the jacket pockets and find a cheap bic lighter in it. You hold it out to Kris and try to stay neutral. “Here.”
“Thanks…” Kris raises an eyebrow but doesn’t actually care enough to ask (it’s probably the hunger making him lose his grip on reality). “You got grease on your leg there, you should wash that off before it stains.”
Bending over you spot a black smudge on your skin just above your knee You suddenly recall touching something dirty in the garage and sigh. Kris walks away and Kurt’s hand snatches your wrist.
“You can use our shower!”
He pulls you behind him and his mother calls after you, “not upstairs! Use the downstairs one!”
“Kurt. Kurt!” You roll your eyes as he shoves you into the tiny bathroom and slams the door in his haste. “Will you calm down? I’m not taking a shower, I don’t have clothes to change into!”
He turns on the showerhead (which is loud as fuck), locks the door, and slams his mouth onto yours. You bite his lip but he doesn’t stop, instead Kurt lifts you into his arms, crushes you against the wall and rolls his hard-on into your hips. You have to turn your head and get free and gulp at the air you were being denied.
“What the hell are you doing, jackass?”
His teeth dig into your neck leaving little indents. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. We’ve been playing this fucking game for weeks and still haven’t fucked yet. Please. I will literally do whatever you want later but I need to actually fuck you for real now!”
His pretty, pleading face appears before yours. He looks so pathetic and puppy-like even with his hard (and fat, you’ve seen that shit and you know it’s fucking huge) cock fighting to break free. And he wasn’t alone: not fucking Kurt was driving you crazy, too. It was making you both bolder, reckless, you had been caught more times in the last three days than all the other days combined. It was going to get suspicious and if you get kicked out before actually getting dicked down, you’re going to lose your shit.
But ever the control freak, you propose an addendum. “You can do whatever you want to my body right now, except put your dick in me. Got it?”
Kurt thought about it. Truthfully, he knew he would blow his load the second his cock breached your walls (we are talking two seconds flat, one thrust takes him halfway and he cracks like an egg and passes out FAST). Did he really have the capacity to fuck you without fucking you?
Come on Kurt, get creative.
The curtain of his greasy bangs jerks as he nods once and then he rips your shirt in half. The look of shock on your face is comparable to one seeing a pedestrian get hit by a car. You want to slap him, but then he’s head down, sucking your nipple into his mouth and, well, if you hit him now he’d bite you by accident. It feels good too– a little weird sensation and he does it with a little too much enthusiasm– but the tiny bathroom is filling with steam quickly and making the room hot and muggy. You toss aside the remnants of your shirt (rest in pieces) and work your shorts off. You take your panties with them in the hopes of saving them from the greedy, vicious paws of one Kurt Kunkle.
You yelp when his teeth scrape against your bud and he switches sides, trying to pull as much of your tit as he can into his mouth and swallowing around it. “You fucking dick.”
Kurt manhandles you to the condensation covered tiles and your shorts get tangled around your ankles, trapping your lower half. Your horny idiot jams his finger into your pussy and growls, ignoring the clench of your walls as his inexperience makes him stiff instead of loose to follow the natural curve of your insides. You pull hard on his hair and he groans louder, adding another ramrod straight finger and circling his thumb over your clit.
“Bend, Kurt, it hurts.” He looks at you dumbfounded, and you show him with your own hand and feel him shift. “Almost, almost. Relax your digits, please…”
He slurps your breast back into his mouth and massages your inner walls, finally fingering you correctly and replacing the pain with pleasure. “Yes, yes. Just like that, baby.”
Kurt’s eyes flutter and he uses your bent knee to get some friction on his stiff cock. There’s barely any room for movement at all– it’s literally just a bath/shower combo, 2.5 by 4 feet of white tile floor, and the door which Kurt keeps kicking loudly. His thrusting fingers abandon you on the cusp of a long awaited orgasm, but you feel instantly vindicated when he stuffs his juicy fingers into his mouth only to choke and hack violently. It seems that upon pushing himself up to his knees, he accidentally touched whatever black dry gunk was on your leg and it must taste awful judging the way his eyes tear up.
“Kurt are you in there!? The hell are you doing?” Kris knocks loudly on the door and you freeze upon seeing the knob jiggling.
“I’m fix it!,” he yells back over the rush of the shower. “The temperature’s acting weird again! Go away!”
You kick him in the chest for being rude and he snatches your clothes off your ankle before folding you back like a pretzel and staring down at your bare, slick pussy like a hot meal on display. He stares for a good minute before his eyes dart up to yours. Hair dripping and clothes sticking to his skin, he spreads your legs wider and opens you up more, completely vulnerable to him.
“...can I put just the tip in–”
“No!”
“- come on!” He grinds his teeth and swipes his tongue over you from your asshole to your clitoris, not for your pleasure but for his. He frees one leg and twists you onto your side, hooking your calf around his neck and shoving his fingers into your asshole. “What about this? Can I put my dick here?”
“Were you dropped on your head as a baby?" You shudder feeling the assault of his fingers in such a sensitive place. "What part of ‘no dick in me’ don’t you understand?”
“Yeah, yeah,” he mocks you and keeps fingering your ass until he gets bored again. “Oh!”
He drags you further down the tiles and straddles your chest before realizing he’s still fully clothed and standing up to get naked. And fuck, if he doesn’t look good from down below. Hair up his legs, lots hair on his chest, and a happy trail leading to the nest of curls crowning the base of his thick cock. For a scrawny little git, he becomes twice a man when he ditches the lazy college drop out look.
“What are you doing,” you ask as he sits back over your chest and pushes your boobs together.
“What’s it look like?,” he says with a manic grin. “I’m gonna tit fuck you!”
Fuck, you think as you mourn your abandoned peek. I did say anything, didn’t I?
“Touche.”
It takes him a second to figure out where and how to get situated so his cock gets the best friction– he even makes you cross your arms to help which you oblige begrudgingly. And from the first thrust, when your wet flesh on flesh makes a tiny squeak, you know this is a fucking dream come true for Kurt, the little bastard.
“Asshole,” you grouch as his hairy sack tickles your rib cage with every thrust. You try to look down only to get knocked in the chin with his tip and hear him groan at the unexpected contact. His hands are planted on the slippery floor and he ruts onto you like an animal.
“So good, baby, so so good.” He’s panting and water or sweat drips off of his chin and nose. “Fuck, mommy…”
Oh? “Oh mommy? You picturing Angela under you?”
“Shut up,” he growls. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
But you can’t resist teasing him and laughing. Instantly one of his hands slaps across your cheek, stunning you into silence. The humiliation on his red face doesn’t mean shit because his dick is still very, very hard between your breasts and you smile impishly at him.
“Ok Kurt, I’ll be your mommy. Are you gonna give me a pearl necklace, baby?”
The boy shudders above you and resumes thrusting, this time his eyes are all on you. “Uh-huh. Big one, lots of– ugh– pearls on it.”
You don’t mean a real one and the euphemism is lost on him, but none of that matters as his thrusts start to get sloppy and his pants whinier. The muscles in his belly flex over and over and over in your face until he dead stops and jets of pearly semen squirt into your face. One string shoots across the bow of your nose, another paints your chin and drips down your jaw, and a third spatters over your forehead.
Kurt’s left shaking and limp, barely able to hold himself over you and keep from crushing you.
“Finished? Good. Now get out.”
…
He lets you borrow his clothes for the night (with some lame excuse to his parents that they don’t really care about) and pulls you aside by the arm as you go to grab your purse and keys. “Ask them to stay the night,” he whispers.
“What?”
“Ask my parents if you can stay the night,” he tries again. “We can sleep on the couch together…”
You gently pry your arm free and glance at him sadly. “It’s almost midnight. I can’t. I’m already going to get shit for coming home in someone else’s clothes.”
Kurt bumps his forehead against yours sadly. You reciprocate with an affectionate kiss on the nose and reply, “I’ll ask to stay tomorrow. You’re going to need to go to bed and wait until they’re asleep to come down. OK?”
Instantly, he perks up. “Yeah. Ok. Can I… can I kiss you goodbye?”
You check over his shoulder to make sure you’re alone and nod. Kurt holds your face and kisses you sweetly. He must have practiced on a pillow or gleaned something crucial from the dominating, hungry kisses you’ve taken from him before. He releases you and it takes you some time to actually get up the sense of mind to leave.
Fuck, you always knew he was hopelessly in love with you, but now it seems like you’re in love with him too.
Previous | Masterlist | Next: Kurt Kunkle Phone Sex & Object Insertion
I dont know what it is about Kurt Kunkle but I want to put his head between my thighs and fucking suffocate him to death
#three bees writing#kinktober 2022 challenge#kurt kunkle smut#kurt kunkle x female reader#joe keery character fiction#black reader insert
81 notes
·
View notes
Note
More Actor AU commentary?
*Juleka, Luka, Myléne, and Alix are having their hair re-dyed*
Juleka: The stylists have a closet exclusively for our hair dye. I’ve never felt so honored.
Luka: *Squeals* We each got our own shelves!
Alix: Yeah, it’s great, but then the fumes really start to kick in, ya’know?
Myléne: I told you guys to go with the eco-friendly stuff, now I’m sitting here not breathing in toxic fumes.
—
Mireille: Come here, we’re gonna show you the Akuma closet.
*Marinette the door to a massive walk-in closet of Akuma costumes*
Marinette: This is where most of the magic actually happens. The artists like to have their space and this is the quietest room to work on designs. Hey, CeCe.
CeCe: *Drawing under a table* Silence!
Mireille: Yes, ma’am. Anyway, the costumes here are all stored here when they’re no longer in use until later episodes when an Akuma returns, or for the design team to come in and make alterations. Like… Oh! Here’s Reverser’s original suit. *Pulls out a black and white Two-Face inspired suit*
Marinette: See, it’s good, but it can always be better. Now, the creators are letting Marc wear it to the red carpet event.
—
Kim: *Doing his makeup* See, unlike most of my co-stars, I do my own makeup for each scene. I’m cool like that.
Marc: *Doing a Smokey eye* We’re cool like that.
—
Reshma: Naturally, we all hate Marc and Kim because they don’t spend three hours in makeup every morning.
Denise: I’d kill for those fine-ass eyes.
—
Nino: To properly look like your typical high school students, we stay up for hours each night to create eye bags instead of using makeup
Marinette: You think students wake up without eye bags? Fuck y’all.
—
Nathaniel: It took all sorts of candy and video games to keep the kids of the original show preoccupied so they don’t tackle me during takes.
Alya: *Laughing* We don’t know why, but kids just love Nath! Ella and Etta are obsessed with him.
Nino: Chris can’t stay off of him. Same for Manon. Whenever they see Nath, they’re clinging to his legs.
Marc: Kiran absolutely ADORES Nath! Sometimes Nath let’s him draw on his arm.
Nathaniel: You won’t believe how thrilled they were when they heard they’d be getting to interact with me more. They’re especially jealous of Manon since she got to do a scene with me first.
—
Aurore: *Opens the door to her dressing room to reveal a wall of parasols* As you can see, I take my character’s love of parasols very serious. You have your holiday-themed parasols, parasols with pointed tip when I need to strike a bitch, and a special one I don’t open. I just walk around with it like a fancy cane.
—
Chloé: Zoé and I are just thrilled to be best friends on the show! Looking at the original script, I’m just like, “God, this dialogue sucks.”
Zoé: Don’t get us wrong, there’s gonna be some ups and downs in my first scene, but we bond over a mutual matred of our mother.
Chloé: Such a wonderful bond!
—
Kim: Behold! The Wig Room! *Opens the door to a room full of wigs* This is where we keep the wigs for Akumas and heroes! Oh! There’s Ikati Black’s! You won’t believe how long it takes the stylists to braid Max’s hair back.
Max: That’s their workout. Because of me, they have amazing biceps.
—
Alya: When filming Lady WiFi, there were like a shit-ton of green screens just everywhere. I’m fact, the characters were forbidden from wearing green during the takes where we had the screens up!
Max: My signature color! Gone!
Tomassian: Uh, how do you I felt? They had to edit in the colors after the shots. I felt so dirty!
—
Sabrina: While everyone else gets some kick ass costume… Mine is literally a green bodysuit. It’s like the one they used for Hagakure in My Hero Academia. And when I’m visible, I look like fucking Silver Surfer! *laughs*
—
Corsette: *Recording on their phone* Observe the blonde gremlins in their natural environment. *Points their phone towards the blonde in the dance studio*
Austin A: And… *Swaying his hips* Sashay. Sashay. *Notices the others aren’t following him* I said SASHAY!
Adrien: What is this even for?
Austin A: Because I felt like forming a blonde dance crew.
Chloé: Dude! Lead with that!
Rose: And you’re working those hips wrong! Watch and learn, Armbruster!
—
Nino/Lila: *Getting their makeup done* Scar Twins, bitches!
—
Ivan: Fun fact, Stoneheart was actually me in a green body suit and everything I threw was made of Styrofoam. Super easy to lift.
Myléne: It was a pretty complicated scene when Stoneheart kidnapped Chloé and I. There were different wires, a mechanical arm, all that jazz.
Chloé: But the thing that wasn’t fake was me getting thrown! It was fucking awesome!
Ivan: Uh! Let’s not forget to add that there was an abundance of airbags below you.
Chloé: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I had so much fun, I actually went skydiving after the shoot.
—
Denise: So, I’m the cast’s unquestioned fitness guru, meaning I help to keep ‘em in shape. Each character has certain muscles the fandom likes to obsess over. Take Nath’s legs for example.
Nathaniel: *Incoherrent yelling as he crushes a watermelon between his thighs* DIE, YOU WATERMELON! *The watermelon gets crushed* YEAH! GIMME A PUMPKIN NEXT!
Denise: Fans are also pretty obsessed with Marinette’s biceps.
Marinette: *Deadlifting a couch* No one! Stop me!
Denise: And Ismael and Nino like to work out to build muscle and look a bit more masculine.
Nino: *Spotting Ismael* Who’s the manliest man?!
Ismael: I am!
Nino: Who’s gonna punch the transphobes?!
Ismael: I AM!
Denise: We have fun. But remember, it’s important to feel comfortable in your own body.
—
Cosette: I’m sure you can tell that Jean’s excited for the upcoming musical numbers.
Jean: *Running around the studio screaming*
Cosette: *Chuckles* I can tell ya, he’s gonna sleep well tonight… Did I mention I’m getting a girlfriend?
—
Lacey: I’m pretty stoked I’m gonna have a big role in Riposte. In the original show, you see me as one of the students trying out for the team, but of course… No lines.
Nathaniel: Well, I’m nervous as hell. I’ve only been practicing fencing for a short time, but I’m still nowhere good.
Kagami: This is why we practice on weekends, Nath. And you’re getting better, so stop putting yourself down.
Nathaniel: Never!
—
XY: *Spooning with Luka and Adrien* We’re rehearsing.
Rose: But this scene isn’t for like another… Thirty episodes-
Adrien: Hush, demon! This is a private rehearsal! *Kisses XY’s neck while Luka nuzzles against his back*
—
Simon: *Having his makeup done while he sits in Denise’s lap* Here’s a fun little tidbit for you guys. A lot of my Gaeilge is unscripted. Yeah, when I have my little angry moments, I can’t help but curse in my native tongue.
Denise: The only thing I understand is ‘shite.’
Simon: And I don’t understand a lick of Spanish. We’re perfect for each other!
—
Reshma: The design team will be incorporating my character’s interest in magical girl anime and anime in general into my clothing, so Sailor Moon jewelry, My Hero Academia bags, Princess TuTu hair accessories, and my true favorite, a Revolutionary Girl Utena jacket!
Ismael: *While Reshma happy flaps* While she’s excited about that, I’m excited about getting some new cardigans. I mean, who doesn’t love a cardigan?
—
Cosette: *Live streaming Nino and Myléne meditating* They’ve been like this for two hours now. Tell me, guys. Should I call for help?
Nino: … *Snores*
Cosette: Oh, thank God!
—
Marc: I’ve gotta say, it’s nice not having to pretend to be shorter than I actually am. It was messing up my back, I… I don’t know why they didn’t just give other characters platform shoes.
Denise: But on a lighter note, Marc keeps bumping into a bunch of stuff! *Cackles* It’s hilarious!
Marc: I’m so used to slouching! *Storms out of the room and bumps into the doorframe* Damnit! Stupid low doorframe! Who needs a door that small?!
Denise: If you’re wondering, Marc and I are both 206.5 centimeters and the doorways here are like 200 centimeters.
—
Ismael: And we’re back to another screening of “Tall People Problems!”
Cosette: Watch Reshma struggle to sit in that chair. *Points her phone toward Reshma with her legs at an awkward position while she’s sitting*
Reshma: … Ugh! *Tucks in her legs* … Forget it. *Sits on the floor*
Ismael: Tragic, isn’t it? Now let’s see how Denise is faring.
Cosette: *Points phone over to Denise, right as they bump into an exit sign*
Denise: ¡Mierda!
Cosette: *Snickers* And now, our favorite subject. Marc Anciel. A young man who just won’t admit he’s taller than a standard doorframe. *Points phone to Marc*
Marc: *Walking off set and comes across the door* … Not this time. *Ducks under the doorframe* HA! I did it- OW! Why is there another door?!
#miraculous ladybug#miraculous#ao3fic#nathaniel kurtzberg#marc anciel#mylène haprèle#ivan bruel#sabrina raincomprix#chloe bourgeois#marinette dupain cheng#alya césaire#nino lahiffe#adrien agreste#luka couffaine#rose lavillant#juleka couffaine#zoé lee#jean duparc#the Austin’s#mlb oc#lila rossi#lê chiến kim#max kanté#actor au
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tuesday November 28, 2023
Sorry. I had no excuse this time, I was just lazy. It's been a week and two days, I am going crazy. Nothing worth remembering or mentioning happened these past few days, it was all just something. I had no motivation all those days, and when I thought I finally had some I FUCKING GOT MY PERIOD! It was fucking revolting. I was supposed to do a lot this sunday and monday.
Monday December 4, 2023
Edited: Above was a draft. Hello, it's been two weeks i believe. I totally have no excuses, I was just being lazy. I mean there was nothing worth writing except me slowly turning into that depressed girl I was during pandemic. I have no idea what I'm getting sad and depressed for, I just know my temper's getting shorter day by day and I just want everyone to fucking leave me alone. I don't even want to walk nor do some shits anymore, it's revolting. I just want to lay in anything bed, couch, whatever thing that doesn't require me to move. I just want to scroll on my phone all day— which is boring me already. I want to die. Everything is so repetitive, not that I'm blaming anyone for it, it's totally my fault that I have no friends to hang out with. And I have no fucking money, I need new outfits it's killing me. Well, since I'm here anyways might as well tell you what happened that two whole weeks (that is worth writing) and what infuriates me.
First, We had our Science test. It was so hard I failed obviously, and then I left my calculator on the lab. Fuck me. Thank God it was still there, but the case got stolen fuck. Second, after finishing science we hurriedly ran to the faculty to meet our Fil teacher to say some speech, I think I did well. Third, we had a meeting regarding SPA gen ass. It was ass, literally. I'm in trails, meaning I have to move and do some sports— which sucks, because I literally suck at sports. I'll be a burden. Third, Shania, Tina, and Mon called me cute. It was flattering but then I saw a tiktok just now saying "if you are called 'cute', you're average looking. just a little higher on the ugly side". fucking hell. Fourth, I am currently stressing on what the fuck should I do. I want to do a LOOOT but I can't move and now I'm stuck writing this. I want to do a lot of things but my body isn't cooperating at all, I'm stressing in my brain but my body's relaxed and calm as fuck. I forgot what you call that. I have sooo much things to stress about but I ended up doing nothing. fuck me.
0 notes
Text
[Poor Chronicles Pt. 21]
*STARBUCKS EDITION (the return)*
McDonald’s Wi-Fi glitches after you sign in once. I forgot how to troubleshoot it.
The cooking…this shit is hard. I was hoping I wouldn’t need a recipe or wouldn’t have to find a new cooking method…I may.
I made about 3-5 wings, only using olive oil. The first two, crispy, juicy, spicy, but not very flavorful. The seasoning did not do a great job. I was prepared, I sprinkled some parsley flakes and drizzled this “Buffalo” BBQ sauce that I grabbed last second.
The second two were crispy, nearly burnt, spicy and crunchy. Drowned out the over crisp with sauce. The olive oil was nearly completely black and had almost dried out. I was smoking up the house, but didn’t care. One of my housemate’s granddaughters was coughing from all the spice and smoke, so was she. I decided to open the back door.
One of the neighbors’ cat came to the door and was literally meowing and climbing to the screen trying to get in for about 5 to 10 mins, clawing at the door. I made a 5th wing. I took it out before it began to burn, the cat was clawing harder, I knew it had to be undercooked, but it looked brown. After the first bite, I knew it was undercooked. I spit that shit out immediately and threw it away. I seasoned about 3 and let it marinate overnight, no spice.
I decided olive oil would not be the best decision for today because the house still smelled like chicken and it could potentially fill with smoke again. I was skeptical because of the seasoning, but I decided to boil it anyway. It boiled in all the seasoning, but nearly all of it had mixed in the water. I didn’t like the smell, so I added a few spices. As all the water began to evaporate, I added the sauce for extra flavor. It cooked well to the point that the meat was falling off the bone. It was horrible, too much seasoning, very salty and oniony. I added more sauce, it drowned the tastes, but not enough. This method works, but last batch (4 wings) will determine if I’ll try traditional wings again and if I’ll every try not frying again. Will season when they thaw.
I’ve been thinking about this girl who I swore I’d never talk to again. Not anything to do with her, personal reasons, but I’m interested in this one thing (her pussy). We went to college together and she’s the only girl who I know actually lives in town. She messaged me after this party one time, but I was asleep. I was pissed when I realized who it was, the next morning. We’ve been on opposite schedules ever since. I’ve been thinking about giving her a nickname (SEXI). She’s been pissing me off. Last time we talked she said she was thinking about going to school again. The fuck kind of shit is that? Fucking nerd! Still skeptical on asking her to come here because she’s white and I’d have to be known as the one guy on this side of town who fucks white bitches. Enough on that.
Other than that, excited about getting phone service soon. I don’t know how I will go about my “social life”. Tempted to just do things by myself for fun. In need of stimulation. I went on tik tok for about 5 minutes earlier, this girl had the tiniest fucking waist. She didn’t turn around in the first 10 seconds like I expected, but she looked like she had the FATTEST ass in the back. Moderately stimulating. I need art though, like a museum or maybe a movie will do. I don’t know.
I don’t care if these are long. Tumblr does not have a character limit (or one that I can see myself exceeding if it does). I may not expand my following here, if someone finds it, that’s fine, I don’t wish to keep it private, but it should remain an app for those who cherish and enjoy it.
The Eagles and the 49ers took their first losses this season.
Chiefs, Bills, Dolphins, Ravens, Browns
Eagles, 49ers, Lions, Buccaneers. Only teams I see in the Super Bowl. Everybody else sucks.
In short, cooking is no easy task. Cats…apparently like raw chicken. You can tell yourself you don’t want many girls…but if you tell yourself you don’t want some pussy, you’re gay! I don’t care what part of the world you live in, it is not okay to fuck white bitches. No one cares if you have “hip dips” as long as you have a REALLY fat ass in the back. I may not even leave the crib, I might just fuck these bitches at home. I just don’t know if I want my housemate to hear this or know I fuck bitches. I do want to see some art or something interesting though.
- MH (2023)
[10/16/2023 - 3:52PM - Typed]
[10/18/2023 - 7:55PM - Posted]
I was contemplating waiting on posting this, but I thought, “Why not?”. I have Part 22 already, but that’s for another day (I also have 12%). I can’t spend my time creating an entirely new post. “Why isn’t this the ‘Mind’ series?”, I have delayed the series to start again at a later convenience, not anytime soon though, I don’t think. I also think this falls under the Poor Chronicles category more.
Savings: $100 > $135
(2nd) EDITS: [12/26/2023 - 8:01PM]
#personal#poor chronicles#poor#poverty#life#lesson#life lesson#life lessons#guidance#struggle#chicago#2023#LilMark#PUNKAssMark#afr0-thunder
1 note
·
View note
Text
BARKING INTO THE VOID: GIANT WALL OF TEXT EDITION
lol that transmasc feel when you talk to your supervisor about still getting used to passing as cis 99% of the time and trying to figure out tones that feel less triggering for people who are reactive to loud, masc voices due to my excitement from AuDHD being interpreted as anger due to volume and he says "I can understand how you feel, although I've never had that problem myself. I still get mistaken for a woman over the phone every day"
passing as a cis man is one hell of a drug lol it's a double edged sword especially with my AuDHD bc I already have compulsive behavior issues with talking over people by accident / being loud, and having a low-toned voice allows me way more authority subconsciously to yell over people when I get excited and nobody stops me bc as a society we are hard-wired to let cis men talk over us (and this sucks bad and I hate it)
a lot of animosity has been stirred up in my work environment between me and a couple coworkers bc they assumed I was cis and neurotypical. I am neither, and they read my gender presentation and AuDHD behaviors as "arrogant cis man condescends and talks over everybody" and uh. yeah. bad feels lol
it makes me mad tho on a level bc like... I **HAVE** mentioned in staff meetings before like "hey I know I can come off as rude / aloof sometimes but please do not feel intimidated to approach me or tell me something's up" like... several times. I didn't want to reveal that I had autism / ADHD unless I had to bc I ***DETEST*** being treated like a child. ppl equate autism with like, being developmentally challenged oftentimes (in my experience). I'd rather be hated than be babied and treated like I'm incapable by people almost a decade younger than me, frankly lmaooooooo
also. not for nothin but the coworkers who hate me also have a *HUGE* problem with effective communication. not trying to shift the blame here but that is definitely part of it. I've heard them!!!! talk shit!! out loud!!! to eachother!!! about other coworkers not handling cases the way they shouldve been handled and then they ***NEVER*** mention it in bin chat, or to the coworker lmao like!!!!! fuck off. I hate passive aggressive bullshit, it literally gets us nowhere just TELL PEOPLE. there's a way to tell people things directly without being an asshole, and I'm sick of younger ppl thinking that direct communication = anger or whatever. that's where a lot of their hatred for the way I operate comes from as well; I am a VERY direct person and it's interpreted as mean / rude like all the time holy shit
I need to get "NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN IM AUTISTIC" tattooed across my fuckin forehead, apparently smfh
also unrelated;
I can't tell if people aren't "into me" on dating apps or not?? is it because I'm an acquired taste visually and my personality is off-putting, or is it bc I'm so hot and cool and smart that they're intimidated to talk to me /hj
this is why i really want to get off apps and talk to people irl!!!!!!! I can't "sense" a vibe thru text / pictures alone but I don't... know... where to meet cool local ppl to befriend and date :,)
sorry I have a fat ass and an award winning personality, sheesh /s
#barking into the void#'making men type paragraphs' except in this scenario its me typing paragraphs about myself
0 notes
Text
please stop reblogging this my notification tab is dying
this post has been edited. here's the original text:
apple completely censoring tumblr to the point where you can't even say words that aren't even sexual like soap or pipe is the beginning of the end for tumblr’s usability and user experience. the process already started with the Dec 17 ban and recently with the overexposure of ads. but pretty soon, apple is gonna make tumblr unusable. it's not like virizon cared about making the site functional when they owned it, and automatic/wordpress (current owners) definitely don't give a shit about tumblr now.
everywhere else on the internet, content is heavily monitored and censored. you'll get banned if you say anything that's against tos. sometimes that's good, as it gets rid of all the nazis. other times it's terrible, when people abuse the reporting ai to ban normal people. the whole banning system is unpredictable, so to be safe, people need to censor themselves on twitter and tiktok and facebook and ig and youtube. they can't say "kill", they have to say "unalive". they can't talk about violence, so they have to sugarcoat real world events. they can't swear, talk about racism or sex or history, or even acknowledge that the world is a fucked up place, because "kids use this app". tumblr was one of the last safe places on the internet where you could threaten to kill the president without having the fbi show up to your house.
but with this new apple shit, tumblr is becoming more like every other site online. any post that contains a word on a constantly expanding list is hidden from ios users. any blogs marked as "explicit" (which is also a huge issue btw) are unaccessible by apple users. not straight up banning people, but still preventing access to the real tumblr for those users. now over a third of tumblr’s userbase is either stuck on a completely sanitized version of tumblr, has to use the web browser version on their phone, or just cut off from tumblr entirely.
the internet used to be a place of togetherness and inclusiveness and content sharing and entertainment and fun. now it's mostly corporate garbage and ads. companies love ads. and to run ads effectively, they need as many people as possible to see them. and to do that, the places they advertise have to be family friendly so everyone can use them. that's what all of these sites are doing. banning creativity and expressiveness so they can force you to watch more ads. I understand that there's server costs. I understand that the employees need to eat. but there are so many bugs that haven't been fixed in years that it seems like @staff is getting paid to do fuck all, and instead wasting their time making stupid design decisions to distract us from them selling out.
what does this current situation say about the future of tumblr and the internet as a whole? I don't really know. if things continue as they are, more people will leave tumblr for newer sites, or twitter once tumblr becomes just as unusable as it (might as well use the more popular shitty site if they're both equally shit). eventually, within 5 or 6 years, tumblr will shut down after server costs are too high, and unless users take the time to archive everything, nearly two decades of internet history will be erased forever. I'd give it until 2035 before the internet (and by extention the vr world / metaverse / matrix) becomes so riddled with ads that it becomes completely unusable. unless, of course, something changes with how advertisements work. whether that be a new law that makes it so ads have to be less distracting or optional, or even just some sites refusing to run advertisements at the cost of user membership fees. one of those seems extremely unlikely, and the other sounds equally shit.
the internet sucks ass. I just want to return to 2010 playing club penguin and browsing early tumblr and early watching minecraft youtube videos and playing flash games on newgrounds.
the world would be a better place if literally every single ceo and billionaire immediately died right now.
16K notes
·
View notes
Text
The Match
Pairing: CEO!Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: You come across your boss’ Tinder profile.
Word Count: 1,446
Warnings: HMMMM sexual tension 😏
A/N: I wrote this in a whirl and tried to format it through the app last night and it SUCKS so I’m posting this just now. Anyway, there will definitely be a smutty part two to this lmfao ya know it
Edit: PART 2 IS UP!!!
The Match Masterlist || MAIN MASTERLIST
Saturday night and you’re on your bed, wine-drunk and all as you mindlessly swiped through Tinder. You start to frown when none of the guys impressed you enough to swipe right. Their bios were all the same, revolving around their egos only to end up with the good ol’ “DTF” line.
Bored and disappointed, you almost exited the app until a very, very familiar face appeared on your screen.
“Holy shitballs, it’s our boss.” You sat up immediately, bringing your phone to your face for a close inspection.
Indeed, it was your boss James Barnes but he was using “Bucky” as his profile name. You wondered whether it was his real account or a poser one. But then you remembered his closest colleagues calling him that.
You snorted as you checked out his profile. He didn’t have a bio but had a couple of photos uploaded. And oh wow, is that a shirtless mirror photo?
You rarely worked closely with your boss but goddamn, sometimes you wished you did because he was a hot piece of ass.
“Should I swipe right...” you mumbled to yourself.
Would it be unprofessional to do so? But then again, you never really interacted with him that much. Just a couple of polite nods and greetings whenever you passed by him at the office. You weren’t even directly reporting to him.
That being said, you were quite sure that he wouldn’t swipe right on you given that you’re his employee. Of course he wouldn’t want to be the unprofessional one so being tipsy and all, you decided to take one for the team.
“Tss, what the hell.” You huffed out and swiped right.
Not even a second later, the “It’s a match!” message popped up on the screen almost immediately. You choked on your wine and dropped your phone, eyes wide and heart racing because you just matched with your fucking boss.
“Shit!” You hissed, diving onto the floor the pick your phone up.
If the message popped out as soon as you swiped right on him, then that means...
“He swiped right on me first, what the fuck!”
-
Monday came quickly and you’ve never been this restless before. You couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that you matched with your boss on Tinder. Neither of you messaged the other over the weekend but now that you were headed to work, you honestly didn’t know what to expect.
You debated whether to call in sick or maybe, pretend that you died? Pack your bags and perhaps fly to a different country and start anew? You were overacting but matching with your boss on a dating app known for hook-ups should be a valid reason to justify your thoughts.
Maybe James didn’t recognize you that’s why he swiped right. That was possible since you and him didn’t really work together. It’d be better if he swiped right by accident, his phone probably slipped from his hands. He probably doesn’t even know he matched with you, yeah, you decided to settle on that conclusion.
Taking a deep breath in, you fixed your hair before stepping out of your car. Mondays were meant for meetings so he probably wouldn’t be around the office anyway. You rushed over to the elevator and let out a sigh of relief when you didn’t have to share it with anyone.
That was until someone managed to slip a foot in between the doors, catching up to you before the elevators slammed shut.
“Oh.”
Well, well, well if it isn’t James “Bucky” Barnes. Out of all the people you had to share an elevator with, it just had to be him! And judging by how his eyes widened at the sight of you, the Tinder incident wasn’t simply an accident.
“Good morning.” He greeted, clearing his throat as he stood beside you.
James’ scent wafted in the air as soon as the doors slid close and he smelled divine. He smelled like a man, a man man and it almost made your eyes roll. You greeted him back with a soft voice, fighting so hard not to look at him because as always, he looked pretty damn good.
He was restless beside you, adjusting his suit and then his tie. You could see him through your peripheral vision, he kept on fixing his hair as well. Did he get a haircut? It was shorter than before, not that you were paying way too much attention to him.
Meanwhile, you too were fidgeting with your shoulder bag, picking at the leather and praying for this torture to be over before you could even lose control and slam your lips against his.
“How was your weekend?” James asked, glancing at you.
This was probably the longest conversation you had with your boss. You weren’t even sure which was more awkward, striking a conversation after the match or simply remaining quiet for the entire ride up.
“Um, it was good. Yours?” You asked, stammering a little as you stole a quick glance at him.
James nodded, “Good too. Interesting actually.”
Fuck! He knows, he so knows about the match.
You would have preferred complete silence over the elevator music echoing in the air while the both of you were obviously feeling the tension. Was the elevator really this slow?! And when did it get this hot?!
You started fanning yourself when you started to sweat from the awkwardness of it all. Bucky too could obviously feel it, the tension and the elephant in the room waiting to be acknowledged. He loosened his tie all of a sudden, popping the top buttons of his dress shirt which quickly reminded you of the shirtless pic in his profile.
You could feel the heat creep up to your neck and ears. With how bright the lights were in the elevator, it’d be easy for James to notice how red you turned.
“Kinda hot today, don’t you think?” He asked.
You let out a mirthless chuckle, “Yeah, really hot. I think the maintenance should have the air conditioning unit checked.” You breathed out, clearing your throat again as you wiped the sweat forming on your forehead.
For a couple of seconds there was nothing but the collective sounds of you and your boss clearing your throats. The tension was so thick you can literally touch it if you tried. You wanted to address the unspoken issue but how the hell were you going to do that? Jump on his bones? It would seem like a good idea to do so except that he was your boss and that would result to you losing your job.
You wanted to ask James though, whether he was aware that you were his employee when he swiped right. Actually, you just wanted to bring up the topic just to get it over with. Acknowledge the match and then pretend it didn’t happen to save you both from the embarrassment. Yeah, you could do that.
Unable to hold back anymore, you broke the silence to ask James a question.
“Did you swipe right on accident?”
“So are you down to fuck?”
You and James asked at the same time, his straightforward question making you weak in the knees because what the hell...
James bit his lip, shaking his head in response. “I didn’t.”
“Oh.” You blinked, unable to stop yourself from staring at James’ mouth when he ran his tongue over his lower lip before taking it in between his teeth as he looked you over with glazed eyes.
Damn that tongue, though. And damn those blue eyes too.
“Are you...?” He repeated again, reminding you of his question.
Your boss, whom you rarely interacted with in the office, just asked you whether you were down to fuck. Truthfully, you were only on Tinder because of boredom and it wasn’t your goal to actually hook-up with someone. But now that your hot boss swiped right on you and seemed to be really interested in you...
“I...uhh...” you stammered, not really knowing how to tell him that yes, you would very much like to be fucked by him.
The elevator dinged, interrupting the tension between you and James. The doors slid open and James quickly straightened up before walking ahead.
But not without turning around to look at you expectantly, waiting for a response.
Due to the pressure and the elevator doors beginning to close, you blurted out the first thing that you could muster.
“Yes, sir!”
You blushed at your response but it seemed to have stirred something in James because his eyes darkened as he smirked at you.
“Good. Then I’ll see you in my office in fifteen.”
-
Everything Bucky Tag List:
@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @tcc-gizmachine @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess @enlyume @vvipgotbb @slimeyderp @lyoongx @just-deka @nobody-will @jaziona92 @elisebuitron @dpaccione @suvikamahes98blr @buckybarneshairpullingkink @earthtonav @x-judyjude-x @nani-kenobi @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @belladonnabarnes @iloveangstposts @weenersoldierr @asemistablehundredyearoldman @reidbuck @lizzarooni @girlfriday007 @5-seconds-of-mendes @whoth3hellisbucky @bonkywobble
Sign up on my tag list here - https://forms.gle/b5haFXewSKqnXxxh7
#bbbwrites#oneshots: bucky barnes#bucky barnes#bucky#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky x you#bucky barnes smut#bucky smut#sebastian stan
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
TOLKIEN: God what's your problem now
TOLKIEN: So what if he has only twenty followers?
TOLKIEN: It is not that deep
CRAIG: Omg not you assuming that this is about his follower account
CRAIG: It is LITERALLY not about that
TOLKIEN: Then what is it about?
CRAIG: He was in like
CRAIG: All of my classes
CRAIG: It's giving stalker
TOLKIEN: So what?
TOLKIEN: That's how scheduling works
TOLKIEN: Maybe this is fate like
TOLKIEN: Saying this guy is supposed to be friends with you?
TOLKIEN: I don't know!
CRAIG: Omggggg it's giving fortune teller, slayyyyy
CRAIG: But maybe ur right
CRAIG: Tho idk
CRAIG: He just gives me off vibes
CRAIG: Like Dahmer or something.
TOLKIEN: Are you implying he might be a demon?
CRAIG: Yeah, what else would I be implying?
CRAIG: That I'm trying to rizz him up??
CRAIG: Ew
CRAIG: I'm dead
CRAIG: I am
CRAIG: Deceased
TOLKIEN: I fucking hate you
CRAIG: I love you too bbg
CLYDE: Back off!!
CLYDE: MY KITTEN!!
CLYDE: Ggrr… >:(
TOLKIEN: Clyde, this isn’t discord-
CLYDE: …
CLYDE: ….Oh
CLYDE: (HISS)
CRAIG: OMG EW
CRAIG: Get away from me with your discord moderating ass!!!
CLYDE: (Growls)
CRAIG: EWWWWWUHHHH
TOLKIEN: ( Keep going, hun, maybe he’ll finally leave )
CRAIG: That kid was like
CRAIG: Weird as fuck
CRAIG: He probably smells or somethi-
CRAIG: (fake ass voice) Ohmigod Heyyyyyyy!
TWEEK: I heard you talking shit about me
TWEEK: Not cool, dude
TWEEK: I just got here and you already want drama
TWEEK: And you know what?
TWEEK: You’re the biggest fucking asshole I've ever met
TWEEK: You literally talk shit about people who give you a bad feeling because deep down YOU know you're insecure
TWEEK: You’re probably lying about the millions and millions of viewers you have you little shit
TWEEK: They're probably either bots or desperate sticky iPad kids who have too much fucking free time
TWEEK: You DESERVE all the hate you're getting right now
TWEEK: You dont know when to stop and leave someone alone.
TWEEK: One of my best friends is LOCKED in his ROOM because of your two tone google chrome metro phone yeezy breezy lemon squeezy supreme krispy creme looking ass!
TWEEK: You are a SHITTY person and let's not lie here
TWEEK: Your content SUCKS
TWEEK: It's so basic and “trendy” it makes you look bad
TWEEK: It makes you look worse, in fact
TWEEK: Oh and your Grimace Shake video? FLOP.
TWEEK: You can't even fucking DANCE
TWEEK: Getting those piercings to LOOK like an edgy emo but really, it makes you look like you have a stupid reverse smiley face or a goddamn death wish
TWEEK: GOD you're just- RRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
CRAIG: ….
TWEEK: I've never met anyone as INSUFFERABLE and DOUCHEY as YOU ARE
TWEEK: Everytime I'm near you I just want to SHAKE AND STRANGLE YOU
TOLKIEN: Oh my god
TOLKIEN: You're saying everything that I'm thinking right now
CLYDE: PREACH PREACH PREACH
TWEEK: GRAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
TWEEK: ( angry feet stomping )
CRAIG: This bitch crazy
CRAIG: Like the video if you agree
TWEEK: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???
CLYDE: …Hey
CLYDE: Hey uh
CLYDE: Do you wanna like
CLYDE: Do you
CLYDE: Do you wanna like
CLYDE: Sit
CLYDE: Here???
CLYDE: Maybe???
TOLKIEN: Yeah, you seem cool
TWEEK: Uhh…. sure????
TWEEK: As long as I don't have to sit next to this supreme covered, blue balled, narcissistic prick
(EDITS AND GRIMACE SHAKE VIDEO DRAWING MADE BY @pissblanket <333 )
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
How NOT to write romance - How I Met Your Mother edition
Warning: long-ass post and lots of bitterness over a TV show that ended nearly eight years ago.
Basics for story-telling
If the romance you want to write is dysfunctional, fucking embrace it and have fun with the concept instead of pretending the bad shit the characters do is okay because “it’s true love”
Acknowledgde that your main character has flaws instead of acting like he is a saint who can do no wrong for no reason other than “he is the main character. Definitively don’t make him do, of his own free will, the exact exact same things the supposedly “selfish and cruel” womanizer does and then excuse it as him having “succumbed to/been tricked by a bad influece” like he’s child who doesn’t know any better instead of being a grown ass adult.
Don’t make your characters be annoying, entitled fuckers who think they have the right to judge others for wanting different things out of a relationship/not wanting a relationship at all. Don’t act like monogamy, double dates with other couples, marriage and children are something EVERYONE secretly wants deep down.
Don’t demonize the “evil” character of the group and act like the “heroes” being appalled by the shit he does is anything other than hypocricy. There’s literally nothing forcing them to be friends with him, so they’re obviously not as horrified at bad shit he does as they say they are, otherwise they would have ditched him a long time ago.
Don’t have the “heartless womanizer”, who we later find out is the ex-husband of the girl the lead wanted for himself, be shown to us exclusively through the eyes of the an unreliable narrator who had motivation to make him see worse than he is likely to be (get his kids to want him to get the girl instead of the “douchebag”). Also, don’t make his schemes to trick women into sleeping with them so completely absurd and ridiculous that the audience is pretty sure that 70% of the women he banged were completely aware he just wanted a quick fuck and went along with it anyway because they wanted some dick (and because the character is played by Neil Patric Harris, who is incapable of not being charismatic)
Fucking let you characters (especially the supposed hero we’re supposed to think is the best boyfriend ever) grow instead of making them constantly repeat the same mistakes
Lily and Marshall
Don’t make one of the characters hide something very important from their partner, and then have the audacity to be mad at them for “just not understanding” as if they were given any reason to understand what the problem even is
Don’t act like someone being heartbroken that their partner lied to them and practically made a plan to “escape” being married to them means they’re not being “supportive” of said partners dream - you should especially not do that after we were shown that they took a job they didn’t like just to make sure they’d have a secure future that would allow said partner to follow their dream.
Don’t have the character who was obviously in the wrong need to be convinced to get their shit together and apologize to their ex.
If a character forgave the ex who wronged them and even got back together with them, don’t have them constantly hold their past mistakes over their head like it that problem has not already been solved - you especially not make them do that on what was supposed to be their wedding day. They can either forgive their partner or not, they can’t keep going back and forth.
Don’t have them constantly hide important shit from each other (having a huge financial debt, getting a job, etc)
DO NOT have the character who fucked up years prior suddenly be willing to do the same shit again for the EXACT same reason (”I think our relationship is in the way of my dreams and I’m now completely isolated because I refuse to talk things out with you”) and then expect the audience to sympathize with them.
Ted and Robin
Unless you’re writing a Disney/Disney-esque romance, don’t have your lead just look at someone across the room, decide they’re “The one”, imagine their life together and full on say “I’m love with you” AND “I love you” on the first goddamn date.
Don’t have the lead stalk his love interest, and throw three parties in a row just to have an excuse to get close to her now that she made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship with him.
Don’t have the “hero” lie about having broken up with his girlfriend so the girl he wants to be with will sleep with him, and then have him blame his actions on time. “Nothing good happens after 2 a.m.” Grow a pair of balls, Ted!
If one of the characters says “You’re going too fast on the whole ‘love’ thing. Can’t we just go on a few dates and see what happens instead of already starting to plan our lives together?” and the others throws a fit, that is called “being incompatible” and “damn, this dude doesn’t respect boundaries”, not “Wow, she’s so afraid of commitment”
If you want the audience to believe the main character’s feelings are not one-sided, don’t make the fact that said feelings ARE unrequited a running joke, and don’t have the girl only accept giving him a chance after having to deal with the fucker whining “But I love you” for months and/or after going through bad break ups. Also, if you have to retcon half the fucking show to “proove” that “she DOES love him”, that pairing fucking sucks.
Don’t compare the couple you want the audience to root for to the main character’s divorced, dysfunctional parents, and don’t have flashbacks showing that the lead had no clue what his girlfriend actually liked in bed AND that she literally covered up his face so she could pretend she was fucking someone else.
DON’T MAKE HER GET RID OF HER DOGS, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!
If your lead character is still jealous/possessive of his ex, thinks he still has a chance even after she told him to his face that she didn’t love him, and acts like she and her fiance (who he says is his friend) being happy is somehow them being selfish and cruel, your lead character is a loser AND an asshole.
Don’t throw away the entire premise of the show (Ted finding the REAL love of his life) just to force a bad pairing down the audience’s throat
Ted Mosby in general
Don’t have your “romantic, sensitive hero” break up with a girl on her birthday through an answering machine, come back into her life without warning years later because he’s afraid he’ll die alone, and find out that she never heard the message but was actually told about it by her friends and family who were at her apartment preparing a surprise party for her. You should especially not make his first reaction to this new be being mad that he was not invited to the party, and for the love of God, don’t make him break up with her on her birthday AGAIN.
Don’t have the “hero” cheat on his girlfriend and excuse it with bullshit like “Nothing good happens 2 a.m.” and “But I genuinely love Robin so it’s okay that I’m lying to both of them”. Do not, I repeat, do NOT have him blame it on his girlfriend being distant when she didn’t pick up the phone one night and then called back the second she was free to do so, while he was enjoying the gifts she sent him and LIED to her about having sent her some as well.
Don’t fucking make an entire episode with the premise of him turning a no into a yes - and telling that story to his children like it’s romantic.
Don’t have his fiance, who he knows has a rocky relationship with the father of her daughter, tell him she is uncomfortable with him inviting his ex to their wedding and then have him decide “This means I should invite her ex as well”. Also don’t expect me to feel bad for him when she runs off with said ex.
Don’t have him spend YEARS waiting for one of the hundreds of girls he thinks is “the one” to be single and even ask her neighbour to spy on her and let him know when/if she breaks up with her boyfriend - again, for YEARS.
Don’t have the lead say he’s gonna tell their kids about his love story with their DECEASED mother, only for it to secretly be an excuse for him to go “By the way, I’m still in love with aunt Robin despite her having rejected me for 25 years, can I go screw her?”
Don’t act like making the characters reverse back into who they were at the beginning at the story means they’re gonna make things work this time when the whole point of their break up in the beginning on the story was the fact that they’re just not right for each other.
Robin and Kevin
A therapist who was supposed to help their patient move on after a bad break up that messed them up, dating said patient is a major red flag. It is also a bad sign that, when she cheats on him and wants to break up, he realized what she was doing to used his job as “evidence” that he knew better and that she should NOT tell her partner how she felt/what she actually wanted.
Do NOT have said therapist date yet ANOTHER patient that asked him help to move on from a bad break up. Seriously, Kevin was a creep, stop acting like he was some angel who “deserved better than Robin.”
BONUS: How NOT to break up a couple - Barney and Robin edition
Don’t act like their relationship falling appart after their friends kept meddling, and even kept them locked in a room against their will until they labeled their relationship as something they aproved of, is somehow “proof” that they’re not good for each other.
Don’t retcon their relationship to force a break up (seriously, Barney was super supportive of Robin long before he even fell in love with her, but I’m supposed to believe he’d be a bad boyfriend who is never there for her? And he loved advantures and always said “challenge accepted”, but was suddenly miserable travelling the world with her and couldn’t deal with not having wi-fi at the hotel? Fuck off)
Don’t spend an entire season focusing on their wedding, have them get married and then divorce THE NEXT FUCKING EPISODE! Why do you hate your audience? Even people who don’t want them together can see this a terrible idea.
And most important of all, when people question what the fuck were you thinking, don’t have a meltdown on twitter and say that people who think Barney can change are responsible for Donald Trump being elected, you fucking weirdo, go see a therapist (that isn’t like Kevin)
#how i met your mother#himym finale#swarkles#anti ted and robin#fuck ted mosby#worst finale ever#barney stinson#barney deserved better#robin deserved better#they deserved better#i deserved better
387 notes
·
View notes
Text
Don't Breathe - Chris Evans smut
The one where your best friend and your boyfriend are fucking behind your back.
Warnings: smut, cheating, chris x your best friend, humiliation?, chris is an asshole in this, exhibitionism, the betrayal is real
Word count: 1.3k
A/N: this is sort of a companion piece to breathe, hence the same picture. While that one explores the extremes of loyalty, this one explores the extremes of betrayal. I also couldn't bring myself to create another moodboard. I wrote this story in one sitting, in the last anxiety episode I had and it helped me get to the place I am today - a better place than I was before, so while I'm grateful for it, I'm only publishing this to give myself some closure. I haven't edited it. I haven't asked anyone to beta read it for me because I simply can't look at it anymore. But it might help some of you, and it might even arouse some others (yes, there are people who have cheating kinks. Let's all be grown-ups and accept that sexuality is a complex and difficult thing. I won't accept kinkshaming in this blog). I only ask that you do not ask me about this story, how it came to be or any sort of part two's because I literally can't stand to look at it. Thanks, you guys!
“Bitch really has no idea, huh?” Chris chuckled as he welcomed his mistress on his lap, licking his lip at the sight of the voluptuous body on top of his. He’d been dreaming about it for a while now, imagining it was her he was fucking when she was away and he had to fuck his girlfriend.
“Not a clue.” He was a bastard, he knew it. He was a son of a bitch, a good for nothing. He didn’t deserve to ever be happy again, not after this, but he couldn’t come to regret it. Not when your best friend was rubbing her cunt against his dick so sensuously, tempting him with her full pout and big breasts.
“She’s always been dumb,” she commented, like she wasn’t speaking about the woman she claimed to love more than anything in the world. Maybe that should have worried Chris, but for whatever reason, it just made him harder.
He really wasn’t worth shit.
“Can’t even figure out that every time we disappear at a party, I’m really just sucking your dick.” Chris chuckled as he buried his thumb on her mouth, chuckle turning into a groan as the beautiful woman twirled her tongue around his digit.
“I mean, this was how it started, wasn’t it, baby?” He reminded her. “You ditched her in the middle of the club to meet me in the bathroom and offer some help with the package I’d been hiding in my pants… Didn’t even have the time to doubt it before you were dropping to your knees and crawling towards me.”
The little vixen smirked at the memory, face suddenly lighting up as she let go of my dick to get out of bed. “Hey!” He complained, still smiling because he could see she was up to no good. “Where are you going?”
She had my phone in her hands when she climbed back to bed, a perfectly plucked eyebrow high in her forehead as she typed away in it. He’d never let you learn the password but what could he possibly hide from his mistress?
“Call her.” It wasn’t as much a request as it was a statement, since when she threw the phone on his chest, it was already ringing. A panicked look broke free on his face before he shook his head, smirking at her insanity.
Goddamn it if it didn’t make him harder than he’d ever been before.
“Hello?” Your sweet voice was the perfect dichotomy to the act he was partaking in, and he had to bite his lip so you wouldn’t figure out what was happening as your best friend leaned over his cock to take it in her mouth.
“Hey, honey,” Chris greeted, trying to keep his voice as smooth as possible. He could totally do this. He was an actor, after all.
“Is something wrong?” You questioned, and for a second both him and your friend froze, fearing you’d heard something. “You just left, I figured you wouldn’t call me until tomorrow.”
Chris chuckled lightly at your innocence - and the clear happiness you felt at him deciding to call so soon. He already knew what to say to plunge the knife even deeper into you.
“Oh, you know…” He trailed off, biting his lip again as your best friend swallowed his cock. “Just missed you.” He didn’t miss the smirk on her eyes. She didn’t need to speak or even stop sucking him for him to know that she was enjoying this, so he kept going, entertaining you with mindless conversation until you remembered you actually had to call her.
“Oh, I promised I’d call her… We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” You assured him, blissfully unaware of the betrayal you were suffering. “Bye, baby. I love you.” You disconnected the call before he could even lie about that too, but a few minutes later her phone began ringing.
She was still giggling when she picked up, now having stopped sucking him to rub her tight wet cunt against him again, teasing them both. “Bitch, you’ll never guess,” she greeted as soon as you said hello, and just as you asked what was up, she lowered herself down on Chris’ cock.
Your man’s cock. While she was talking to you. “I’m fucking someone right at this second.” He could hear your stunned silence, but you knew your friend had always been crazy - especially sexually.
It was the difference between the two of you that made him so obsessed.
“And he doesn’t mind?” You asked, clearly surprised, and Chris almost laughed when your best friend answered, “Oh, no. He gets off on it. Would you mind staying in line and listening for a bit? He’d really enjoy it.”
You hesitated only for a moment before agreeing, and that’s when she allowed herself to moan out loud. “God, what a fucking dick!” She cursed, fingernails gripping his pecks as she rode him for dear life. “I swear to god, you have no idea how it feels like to be fucked like this.”
You remained silent. Chris could almost picture it, the way you had one fingernail in your mouth, chewing on it as you tried to decide between keeping your promise and listening to your best friend fucking (your) man or leaving the phone on and going to do the laundry.
You were such a perfect girlfriend. So devoted, everything Chris should marry. His family loved you - hell, he thought he loved you. And here he was, fucking your best friend while you listened to her moans of pleasure.
He felt her eyes trailing down his body and he already knew what she wanted. They were a perfect match in bed. He manhandled her onto her stomach, knowing you were listening to her surprised scream and loud moan as he penetrated her from behind.
“So, so good…” She moaned. Chris had no doubt her eyes were rolling to the back of her head. “Would you ever stop fucking me, baby?” She teased, making Chris chuckle, knowing the sounds of his hips slapping against her full ass were drowning his voice from you. “Would you ever stop fucking my tight little pussy?”
He leaned over her, body completely enclosing hers in bed when he gripped her jaw to whisper in her ear. “Not a chance in hell.” Her delighted moan made it all worthy to him. He pulled out of her to turn her around once more, spreading her legs so he could have a taste of her pussy.
Eyes connected, he watched her reach for the phone and take it off the speaker so she could talk to you properly. “This guy eats pussy like a pro,” she informed you while Chris grinned between her legs, her fingers tangled in the strands of your boyfriend’s hair. “And he tells me it’s the best pussy he has ever had, don’t you, baby?”
Chris could only nod, obsessed with the taste of her sweet pussy on his tongue, the loud sounds of slurping undoubtedly reaching you. He could only imagine how you were feeling, confused and maybe a little bit aroused. It was like sound porn, after all - and it was starred by your very own boyfriend, but you had no idea.
He hummed against her pussy. You could never taste as sweet, try as you might. Even her painted lips tasted better, and he knew it wasn’t because of the lipstick she wore since you two often shared.
She moaned loudly when he shoved two fingers inside of her, having memorized her sweet spot ages ago, when this still made him feel bad and he’d often hurl when he got home to find you in bed, waiting for him.
And yet, he couldn’t stop. He waited for her to turn off the call so he could climb back up her body, kissing every inch of the way until he was buried deep inside her tight pussy again.
“You make me crazy,” he whispered, knowing this would never be enough. He would never get his fill of her. He might love you in one way or another, but he wanted her, and he would never let her go.
361 notes
·
View notes
Text
a helping hand [henry cavill] - part 2
A/n: I’m sorry it took me so long. I don’t like how this part turned out, at all, but I rewrote it 3 times and I can’t even think about these scenes anymore without getting annoyed. I’m just happy it’s finished and that I can start working on part 3 (that is, if you like this one enough to want to keep reading lol)
Summary: After you post on onlyfans a video starring another man, Henry decides to take matters into his own hands. (cameo: Steve Rogers) KINKY 4k
Warnings: spanking, daddy kink, dirty talk, mentions of smut and masturbation (male), humiliation/degradation kink, groping, mentions of porn and filming pornographic material, stalker-ish/obsessed Henry. (also tumblr crashed when I first tried to upload this so maybe that a sign this sucks)
You can read part 1 here!
-
The sight brought down a storm upon Henry's mind. He stood there, mouth agape, watching the screen, unable to believe his eyes. It was one thing to post videos of yourself on the Internet, but to have someone else take part in them was too much. At least for Henry. Still smart and composed, he realised there wasn't anything he could do about it, but nevertheless, he was determined to not let this shit slide for much longer.
As much as he wanted to hunt down that man who dared put his hands on you, Henry gathered himself, took a deep breath and closed the onlyfans page. He was perfectly aware that just the right amount of you could get him to lose his sense of control and do things he'd later regret. Still, in desperate need to see you, he grabbed his phone, eyes scheming over your socials, only to see that the last time you had been active was 7 minutes ago. So, without much consideration, he started typing.
"You up?"
"Yep. Finishing up an essay. Coffee in 30??"
Oh, and how deeply that hurt him. "Of course" he sent you, and then checked again the post you made at 3am. '...I'll go to sleep right now, edit it for you when I wake up...'
You were lying? Why were you lying to him? It drove him insane. Henry felt like he couldn't sit down anymore, like he had no chance to catch his breath. He couldn't think straight, so he wasn't really to blame for what he did next.
Henry's fingers flew over the keyboard, accessing Facebook and logging into your account, desperate to see whether he could find out who the man in your video was. And it was as easy as it could've been, considering your last 5 conversations were with the girl friends he already knew about. But somewhere among them, he spotted an unfamiliar name - Steve R., and instantly clicked and opened the conversation. His blood started to boil when the multitude of emojis you sent reached his eyes, but he scrolled up, until he found the beginning of yesterday's conversation.
It was started by you, and with a request. You were blunt and went straight for it, asking him with just one message to be in the video with you. There was no trace of your relationship with him on the Internet, so Henry had no idea regarding the nature of yours and Steve's connection. Judging by the way you addressed him, he could easily assume the man was nothing more than a fuck buddy. Even though it angered him, Henry kept his calm and decided to go about this with care. It would only be a matter of time until he removed Steve from your life. But for now, he just had to keep digging for information.
Steve R.: "Exactly what do you need me to do, baby? Spank you? In front of the camera? Are you serious?"
"Yes, Steve. Come on!! I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but still... 😇 when it comes to these things, you know me better than anyone"
Henry scoffed. Who the fuck was this guy?
Steve R.: "I know, baby"
Steve R.: "What's in it for me?"
Smoke came out of Henry's ears, and the fact that you acted so sweet and innocent made him want to smash his keyboard.
"Whatever you want! Just do this for me!!! Please!!!! 🥺😊😋"
Steve R.: "Ofc I'll do it, sweetheart. I got you"
"Thank you thank you thank you 😘"
Steve R.: "I should be the one to thank you"
Steve R.: "Send me the location and I'll be over there asap"
After that, your address followed and then that was it. Determined to dig deeper, Henry started to scroll up again, wanting to find out as much as he could about this mysterious man. He didn't get a chance to lurk too much before this computer alerted him of a notification, the onlyfans tab glowing orange. His attention was instantly won, smiling devilishly as he checked the content.
Posted 30 seconds ago, was the new video. Ready to kick back and enjoy, Henry pressed the play button, ready to go at it with an open mind.
He reluctantly accepted the fact that there was another man in it with you, but he decided to enjoy it nevertheless. The video started, displaying Steve seated on the couch, thighs suggestively parted. He had a pair of black dress pants on, dangerously stretched over his massive thighs. A white, elegant shirt hugged his visibly sculpted torso, the top two buttons undone to show just a hint of chest hair. Quite a sight, but all Henry saw was trash. With his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a silver watch on his wrist and a pinky ring on, Steve patted his thigh, cueing your entrance.
When Henry saw you, he felt his breath reach a new, sudden level of difficulty. With the shortest of skirts barely managing to cover your ass and a mostly see-through shirt on your top half, you made your way to him in such an angelic way that Henry couldn't believe his eyes.
You looked like happiness personified, and it came in such a painful contraction to what you were about to do, that it twisted Henry's mind in such a perverse way, his cock nearly twitched just by seeing you.
When you were about to bend over Steve's thigh, he grabbed your chin and stopped you mid action, his lips slamming against your as his free hand lewdly caressed your ass. He flung the skirt over your hips, your flimsy underwear on full display.
Attentive to the events unfolding on the screen, Henry found his cock, teasingly rubbing it over the material of his pajama pants. His mouth watered when he felt the sensibility in his tip, actually believing this would be easier than he initially anticipated.
"Are you going to be Daddy's good little girl, or do I have to make this fucking hurt?" Steve asked and Henry almost threw up.
"Yes, Daddy. I'll be good" you mewled, wiggling your feet.
"Let's see" the man menacingly chuckled, releasing a sharp slap against your ass that made you yelp out in pain.
At this point, about 30 seconds in that was, Henry was already losing his mind. It was as if you took a trip inside his dreams and decided to play out his fantasies. The only problem was that you did it with another man. It was next to impossible for him to keep this going.
"Can you count?" Steve taunted, his hand traveling all over the back of your thighs, your exposed ass and between your legs.
"Yes, Daddy" you eagerly nodded and Henry almost threw up.
"I wouldn't be surprised if a dumb slut like you didn't know how to" Steve chuckled, "But it's ok, that's how we like our girls. Dumb and pretty"
"Thank you, Daddy"
Henry couldn't believe his eyes. He refused to accept the fact that a random man got to play with your innocence like that. You were his sweet little girl. And if until now he pushed through heroically, when literal yelps of pain started erupting from your lips as the blonde man slapped your ass hard enough to rock your whole frame, Henry's blood ran cold.
But no matter how hard the jealousy had hit him, the video was still pushing his limits of self control. It was still what he always wanted to see. When he reached inside his pants and grabbed his cock, a low grunt of early satisfaction left his lips. He once again found himself picturing you, willing to please him, but this time, he didn't get to go too far. The buzzing sound of his doorbell rang through his apartment, and he never stood up faster.
Cock still hard and completely visible through his pants, Henry slapped the pause button and minimized the browser, before springing to his feet and rushing to the door.
"Henry!" you exclaimed as soon as he came into view. He looked somehow tired, but it was easy to tell there was something else bothering him. "You didn't answer your phone" you pouted.
"Yeah, sorry" he shook his head, a few sweaty curls falling against his forehead. "I was busy with something. What's up?"
You raised your eyebrows and pointed to the door of your apartment, "You said you'd come over? Coffee? Remember?"
"Oh, shit, yeah" Henry cringed, rubbing his forehead. "I'll be over in 10 minutes, that ok?"
"Sure" you beamed, completely oblivious to the way he just tried to get rid of you. With utter nonchalance, you pushed your way past him and strolled into the kitchen.
"You wanna wait here?" he muttered.
"Yeah... Is that a problem? I can leave..."
"No, no" Henry eventually sighed and rushed over to you. He cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead. "Wait here, I'll be right back"
And that was what you did. You silently sat down, grabbing a bag of chips you found laying around, and settled to wait. And maybe, a few seconds passed where nothing devious came to mind, but as time ticket itself away, boredom got to you. First you stood up, and padded to the hallway, looking around. There was almost nothing new over there, but it still felt so homey you absolutely loved to inspect every detail. The TV in the living room was turned off, a couple of pizza boxes on the floor and his DVD cases laying around - absolutely nothing interesting.
You sighed and plopped down on his couch, folding your legs under your body, ready to flip through the channels on TV until he'd decide to join you. Nothing seemed of interest, being bombarded with news and fishing programs. "Old man" you thought to yourself, before opening up the menu in search for something less depressing. A wave of nostalgia hit you when you came across a Spiderman marathon, and you were done for. Maybe one full episode passed until Henry walked out of the bathroom, but you were nowhere near ready to leave.
"Look what's playing!" you beamed, pointing to the screen. Henry raised his eyebrows in amusement, his shoulders shaking as he softly laughed at your unusual choice of entertainment.
"Are you serious? Cartoons?"
"Yes!" you scoffed, extending your arms and gesturing for him to join you. Although reluctant at first, Henry agreed to sit and watch the show with you, but not before brewing some coffee first.
When he returned from the kitchen, two steaming mugs in tow, you shuffled to the side and welcomed him on the couch. He brought you close against him, draping his arm around your body. With your head resting on his shoulder, you sipped your coffee, eyes glued to the TV. "You seriously never watched these as teen? You were 11 when it came out."
"I did" Henry laughed, rubbing his hand up and down your side, "I was in love with Felicia Hardy"
"MJ was so much better!" you shook your head disappointed, "You have no taste"
"No need for that" Henry threatened, his fingers exploring their way down your body. The way he trailed his hand across your hips and thighs made you squirm, smiling to yourself as you shuffled closer to him.
Henry was more than happy to reciprocate, kissing your forehead and squeezing you tighter.
And just like that, you didn't care about Spiderman anymore. You flung your leg over Henry's lap, all but crawling on top of him. The episode was still playing in the background, but none of you was paying attention anymore. Henry wrapped his muscular arms around your frame, eliciting a soft moan from your lips as you pushed your hips down against his thigh. His hands traveled lower, exploring your body with delicate but greedy strokes.
As you let yourself get carried away with absolutely no worry in mind, Henry knew exactly what he was doing. And considering how easily you let your guard down, he had you right where he wanted.
When you hid your face in the crook of his neck, your nose rubbing across the slope of his collarbone, Henry's right hand found your ass. You froze for a second, but his gentle caress helped you relax again in an instant. With his lips against the top of your head, he allowed his fingers to sink into your flesh. Your whole frame stiffened as you gathered a handful of his hoodie into your fist.
"What's wrong?" Henry cooed, grabbing your chin, "You ok?"
"Yep" you whimpered, and then winced again as he squeezed your ass once more. "I'm good-" you lied, cupping the side of his neck into your palm as you crawled higher up his body, your lips right against his ear.
As weak as he was for you, Henry stood his ground. If you wanted to play this game, he'd do it, but he wouldn't let you win.
"Does this hurt?" he asked, roughly groping your ass.
Jumping slightly from the pain, you still managed to shake your head, blurting out another lie. "... no"
"What about this?" Henry teased, grinning widely as he shoved his hands inside your leggings, under your panties.
The urgency of his touch made your eyes open wide, your back arching as you tried to push yourself off of him.
"Does it hurt, darling?" he continued, keeping you in place with ease.
Defeated, you sighed and lowered your gaze, "A bit" you mumbled.
"Just a bit?"
"Henry-"
"Did he fuck you good?"
Your mouth fell open. "What- no, I didn't- we didn't do anything-"
"Didn’t do anything?" Henry grinned, his perfect teeth showing as he proudly pried information out of you.
"I just... fuck-"
Seeing no way out of this one, and eager to stop hiding, you pushed yourself back. Henry's hands left your body as you sat beside him, and he watched you curiously, patiently waiting for you to word your thoughts. "I just filmed a video for my page, that's all" you bowed your head.
"What kind of video?" Henry questioned.
His demeanour was so relaxed, he was right in his element, unlike you, who were riled up to the extreme. "A spanking video-" you cleared, awkwardly fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.
"Did he spank you good?"
His hand found your hips again, and you leaned into his touch, nodding your head yes as you were too embarrassed to actually word your answer.
"Then show me"
He was dominant and stern, and even if you wanted to, you felt like saying no wasn't an option. Henry didn't wait for your permission as he grabbed your waist and pulled you up to your knees, chuckling softly to himself when he saw you shyly smile down at him.
His fingers curled around the waistband of your leggings, forcefully pulling them down your thighs. "Come on" he urged you, softly guiding you to lay down across his lap, your ass barely covered by the pinkish and slightly unflattering underwear you had chosen for the day.
Henry's breathing picked up at the sight, and so did yours. You watched him over your shoulder, his fingers tracing over the bruises Steve left on your bum the night before.
"Henry-?" you whimpered, the anticipation building up in the pit of your stomach becoming too much to bear.
"Yes, darling?" he cooed, leaning down to the side to kiss your cheek. His stumble tickled your skin and you whimpered when his hand made its way between your legs.
You felt his fingers against your opening and involuntarily clenched your thighs around him, hiding your face in the cushions of below your head.
"Tell me" Henry pushed, teasing your folds and clit over your underwear.
"Nothing, I-" you cried, making him chuckle.
He loved giving you a taste of your own medicine. He straightened himself up and grabbed your ass into his hands, squeezing until you yelped out in pain. A soft laughter of approval escaped his throat as he bent down and pressed his lips to one of your cheeks, applying lingering kisses over each and every single bruise.
The way he took control of the situation and handled your body, turned you on to no end. For whatever reason, being exposed like that for him, waiting for any kind of judgement to leave his lips, you were getting more and more riled up by the second. You were done for. You did your best not to moan with need, but little did you know that was exactly what kept you from being thrown onto the floor and fucked into oblivion. Just one single sign was all you needed in order to break his self control, but you didn’t have it in you to do it.
But he didn’t say anything, instead just keeping you on your toes as he had his way. You were dripping through your underwear, and judging by the bulge in his pants that pushed up against your belly, you knew he was on the same page as you. But again, he didn’t allow things to go further. Everything about this moment pointed in the right direction - the teasing, the touching, you were all but whimpering in his lap, but he cut the moment short with a sharp slap against your ass before he helped you up. Henry acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened as he pulled your leggings back up, but this glare became colder when he found your eyes.
He bent down and spoke into your ear, "He could've done a better job"
Completely under his spell, you bit your lip and furrowed your eyebrows. "I don't think I would have been able to take any more"
"That's not what I said" Henry shook his head.
"Look at you being an expert" you teased, relishing in the fact that he seemed eager to keep things going.
"All I'm saying is that if you had asked someone else-" Henry laughed, stroking your cheek, "Things would have turned out much more different"
"Oh" you pouted, ready to tease him further. "Who should I have asked-"
Just when you started getting comfortable and confident enough to push things further, Henry's phone rang. "I don't have to take that" he shook his head when he heard you stopped talking.
"Just see who it is" you giggled, slapping his shoulder.
Before doing so, Henry grabbed your chin and kissed your forehead, his touch drawing you in like a magnet as you leaned into him when he pulled away. With a sigh, you eventually crawled off his lap and then your face fell with disappointment when Henry showed you the screen of his phone.
"Yeah?" he huffed after picking up, his boss being the last person he wished to talk to right now.
You watched him closely as he listened to whatever the man was saying, and almost whined out loud when Henry frowned annoyed.
"I'll call you back in 5, ok?" he asked and after a couple of seconds hung up.
"I'm so sorry-" Henry sighed, turning to you, "I gotta go take this, there's a problem with one of the radars, I need to go see if I can fix it remotely"
"Sure thing" you shook your head. "But please tell me you don't have plans tonight"
"I don't" Henry leaned towards you and again, kissed your forehead. As much as you loved the sweet gesture, it was now more than ever that you craved something else entirely.
"And please don't forget about me again" you giggled, grabbing his biceps and stopping him from leaving without a promise.
"I won't" he sighed, "I'm really sorry about that. I'll make it up to you"
"However I want?" you beamed and licked your lips.
"Absolutely" Henry smiled, sweetly embracing you before walking you to the door.
You had his word now, and you were planning on making it count. There was no way either you or Henry would act as if nothing had happened, and you couldn't wait.
Once alone and seated at his desk, Henry opened up the text editor associated with the code he wrote months ago. When his screen was flooded with errors and his chat popped up with three different messages asking for help from his colleagues, Henry all but yelled out loud in frustration. Not only did he wish to be with you, it was also Sunday, one of his days off. But he couldn't just text the pilot of the plane whose radar went berserk and tell him to wait. So he got to work, determined to get this done as soon as possible.
But unfortunately, that 'as soon as possible' turned into 3 hours of continuous work. He didn't even stand up to go to the bathroom until he made sure everything was on point. It was about 4pm when the program started running smoothly again, and seeing how he had a few more hours to waste until he had to see you, Henry decided to make the best of them, by getting a head start on his tasks for the following day.
Productivity flowed through his fingertips as he solved the first issue he had been assigned for the day to come, getting ready to start working on the second one when a call caught his attention. He didn't recognize the ring tone, and it only dawned on him that he was still logged into your facebook account a couple of seconds after it stopped ringing.
Still curious, Henry switched the tabs on his computer, noticing that the chat with Steve, which he left open hours ago, showed that there was an ongoing video call. His jaw fell. Henry tightened his hands into fists, fuming with anger. First as you for doing this, and then at himself for allowing you to believe this was an ok thing to do. He knew there was no way to eavesdrop on your conversation even if he had the password, but that didn't mean his curiosity died down. No, it only grew stronger.
He felt lost for a minute, but then he thought of something. On his dresser, right next to his winter gloves and under his favorite jogging hat, laid an extra set of keys. Henry remembered the day you gave them to him, saying something along the lines of 'I feel much safer knowing that if something were to happen, you could always get to me, Henry.' and then remembered how you stuffed them in his pocket, and kissed his chest before stepping back. Such different times.
There was no trace of hesitation inside his mind as he grabbed the keys and made his way out of his home. He passed the hallway in less than a second and pressed his ear to the door. It was perfectly quiet, and through the peephole, he couldn't see any light. You weren't in the kitchen or living room, so he felt confident enough. After putting his phone on vibrate, Henry ever so gently pushed the key inside, turning it inside the lock with the most meticulous movement his wrist could muster. The sound of the door knob being turned was so faint he barely even heard it, but his pulse skyrocketed when he heard the click that signaled the door was finally open.
With small, careful steps, he made his way inside. The entire apartment was dark and quiet as he made his way in, stopping just outside your bedroom as the relaxed, deep voice of a stranger became audible through the wall. “Trust me, sweetheart. Just relax, I got you. You’re all tense, I can see it from here. You know I have more experience with this than you do, just do as I say”
With one hand on the doorknob of your bedroom, Henry was ready to put an end to this whole charade. He knew he might regret it later, but he didn't care. The image of a so called friend, pushing you to do anything that you seemed to have clearly stated your discomfort about, flipped a switch inside his brain. There was no stopping him because no one, no one got to push you around like that. Not while he could do anything about it.
#henry cavill#henry cavill imagine#henry cavill x reader#henry cavill smut#henry cavill fics#august walker x reader#geralt of rivia x reader#walter marshall x reader#ahh#a helping hand
1K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
pothosrays
hi
stregatadallupo
stregata dal lupo
newlyone
Shining Star
kane-29
Untitled
icallthishome
Untitled