super normal ddlc fanart

tyler durden is peak female form

hitting her with my transgender beam

I think I don't want to have sex anymore.

me every time i feel dysphoric:

tliw was wild for making Richard a problematic gay .....the devil's crown was wild for making him problematic gay AND transgender

The first time I remember experiencing gender dysphoria via media was when I was a wee little girl or around 6 years old after seeing Brendan Fraser as Rick O'Connel in The Mummy (1999) for the first time. I freaking obsessed over that movie just because I wanted to look like O'Connel so bad... That kind of became my entire personality for a long time.

Then there was also Judd Nelson as John Bender in The Breakfast Club (1985), Dominic Monaghan as Charlie Pace in LOST (2004-2010), Jensen Ackles as Dean Winchester in Supernatural (2005-2020), and as much as it pains me to admit, I'd be lying if I didn't include Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson in The Titanic (1997).

The older I got the more I hated myself for not being a pretty boy but for SOME REASON THIS WASNT APPARENT TO MY DUMB ASS AS BEING TRANS. Denial is one hell of a drug.

And don't get me started on the rage of dysphoria that Patrick Swayze gave me in literally everything he did ok... Rest in peace, King ♥️

sex education s4

Anyway so finally finished the entire series...

Sex Education is such a fascinating show and I really genuinely enjoy a lot about it and I think nearly all of the actors are VERY talented which makes it a joy to watch but also I struggle with the dialogue-writing so much. I feel like the ethos of the show is to try to capture the ways humans make mistakes and try hard and screw up and find and re-find each other (which is a very, you know, human and relatable thing), all within this hyper-stylized world that contains all the same problems of our world but also contains a deeply engrained emotional intelligence that informs nearly every conversation?!

So you've got all the normal fuck-ups of life and also all the honoring of emotional journeys, and somehow the way the emotional journey piece of it is written actually makes the sex and relationship mistakes feel more shocking?! It's like we rarely get to settle into those intimate scenes between people for long enough to really feel repercussions. And instead we keep having to pause so some character can say the most basic thing. I don't think this is an actual line in the show, but it feels like half the stuff that comes out of people's heads is basically "Relationships can be intense and that's why relationships are so hard."

And I think Jean Milburn's bad radio show is kind of a way to poke fun at the very unnuanced therapy speak of it all, but maybe not?!

The show is WONDERFUL when the dialogue is specific and weird. Like when Adam and Eric reunite at the funeral and Adam's like "I work with horses now." What a line! Perfection. But those moments were far too few and far between for me.

I do like that the show makes it clear that as much as you might try to craft a safe, thoughtful, emotionally careful world for yourself, that doesn't mean life isn't hard. Cal's dysphoria and sense that the world doesn't want them is incredibly real and well done. And I thought Eric, Viv, and Jackson all had important moments of connection that transcended the dialogue and felt real, too.

I struggled a lot with Michael's storyline. I was actually interested in him and Maureen realizing that the work they've done as individuals makes them more appealing to each other, and I liked that they ended up exploring that and will likely end up getting back together. But! Michael's rebound with that teacher was never going to be what he needed, but I hated the way that lesson was taught. Sure, maybe he was always going to return to the familiar-but-new of his wife and family unit. But I HATE that the sex scenes on the show are often centered entirely around a specific moment of performance/pressure/penetration (literal or emotional) at the expense of what a human body might actually need. There's something in the middle of the spectrum of being humiliated for losing your erection during casual sex and returning to your wife. That middle point is sex--even casual sex--with someone who's willing to connect emotionally, to compliment, to experiment with foreplay, to kiss and touch and make it feel safe to have sex. I don't believe a show has a responsibility to depict that, but in this specific case it felt bad to watch a character so deeply need something other than he was getting and for the "lesson" to feel skewed a few degrees away from where I felt the real lesson actually was.

And let's be real, a large reason I've stuck with this show is because of how much I love Hannah Waddingham, and I found Jackson's storylines with his mums a bit strange precisely because of the surface level pseudo-deep emotional dialogue they're all forced to work with. At this point I've watched many, many hours of Hannah Waddingham working. She's so good. And you've got Hannah Waddingham, Sharon Duncan-Brewter, and Kedar Williams-Sterling, three phenomenal actors, in a room together, and it felt like an opportunity to go into exactly WHY they hid the real story of Jackson's conception from him, and why they went to such lengths to create the handmade picture book (adorable, but in hindsight so strange). All of these actors are more than capable of really getting into it re: deep desires for a particular type of family, and the haunting of the past, queerness, how Roz felt as the biological parent who wanted to give Sofia a certain type of family, how Sofia felt as the new partner starting a relationship with a pregnant woman, etc. There was no need to rely on a letter nonsensically kept in a bedside table, or surface-level platitudes.

Over and over, I feel like they created such fantastic scenarios, and cast such wonderful people to act them, but then the actual words spoken in conversation didn't ring true. And the juxtaposition of the frantic snapshots of sex (which do paint an empathetic portrait of desire and how lonely desire can be) with the tedious dialogue just didn't do it for me this time around. I'm all for some heightened utopian fantasy coupled with the painful reality that even when people love you, identity and self-determination are struggles. They just didn't quite make it there. But the actors really are so good that I enjoyed it anyway. Mostly. Often.

once again feeling mildly shitty on a day of celebrating my birthday

Canceling plans because of ur dysphoria is fine actually

the same is a song that resonates so deeply it’s like poking around in an open wound that you thought was numb but Nope! It Still Hurts! like “everybody wants you, yeah everybody loves you, your smile, your teeth, your hair, they don’t know you’re not there-” like SIR calm down. man wasn’t satisfied with hitting close to home he had to break down a wall

I started using the long form of my name because it wasn’t going to win and fuck everyone else. It’s. A name.

It’s a linguistically but not (exactly) culturally gendered name. I’m Latine. It might be more comfortable to use the short form except everyone pronounces it wrong.

It doesn’t have an h! With the long form, even in English-ish, people almost never add an h. I hate the h. I hate it so much. And it sounds so Anglo in a squicky way. Fuck everyone else.

Living in the world is such bullshit.

getting crossed on a tuesday eating a peanut butter honey sandwich all comfy in my bed and watching youtube <3

still caant sleep

i hate my insomnia!! WTF I thot i was done with this!!!!!! i hadnt had one of these since February!!!

uuughhjj