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crumble-stew · 1 month

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Simple question, pls don’t look it up bc that’s boringggg

#homestuck #broadway homestuck #phemiec #etc etc #enjoy x

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capseycartwright · 2 months

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“you’re not afraid he’ll say no - you’re afraid he’ll say yes.” the kind but firm words my best friend directed at me almost a year ago now, her voice tinny as it came through my headphones, often come back to me in moments like this, when i’m feeling particularly self reflective.

i love romance. i always have - teenage years spent in the depths of love stories, reading and writing about all the different ways the same two people could fall in love. as an adult, my commute to work is spent reading romantic novels - friends to lovers and meet cutes i can’t help but fall in love with, sweet stories of love where people see each others flaws but love each other all the same. i have spent more evenings in bed sobbing at happy endings of movies than i care to admit to - but i’ve never been in love. that’s a hard thing to admit out loud. there have been almosts - relationships that might have been if not for the fact i have ran from the possibility, terrified to my core of the thing i have craved for as long as i have known what love is.

i like to pretend i don’t know why - how could i be afraid of love when i was raised by the greatest example of love i have ever known, two people who’ve loved each other their entire lives? but ignorance isn’t the truth. the truth is, the idea of love terrifies me because it requires honesty - and honesty means sharing the parts of myself i dislike the most, the things i hide from my friends and family, all the ways i feel broken and bruised and not good enough. and it’s even more terrifying to write that down. it’s not that i think I’m not good enough - i’m a good friend, a good daughter, a good aunt, a better sister than i maybe should have been, sometimes - but i am not convinced i am good enough to love like that, in a forever sort of way: how could i be good enough to make someone want to stay forever when i’m not convinced I’m good enough to love forever?

all those broken pieces of myself i hate - i gathered then all up and packed them away in a box i do my best to ignore, and love would mean allowing someone else to look inside that box: to know all the ways i have been unkind and cruel to myself and hoping they won’t be afraid of that, that they won’t be afraid of the kind of hatred i have shown myself for longer than i want to admit to. this ugly, horrible perspective of myself i haven’t been able to shake: that i’m not thin enough, pretty enough, clever enough, enough for anyone to want to stay. how can i ask that of someone else when i have hardly wanted to stay myself?

i’m not afraid of rejection. rejection is familiar, it’s comfortable: a yes is infinitely more terrifying than rejection could ever be. a yes would mean sharing all the things about myself i have never been brave enough to share with anyone before, dancing around the topics with my closest friends - making a joke of my track record of failed relationships and dates that ended in friendships because it’s so much easier to keep people at arms length and have them believe i have my shit together than admit the truth, that i am terrified of being this lonely for the rest of my life: and more than that, i am terrified of letting someone in and them not wanting to stay when they know the deepest, darkest parts of me and so there is a wall between me and the rest of the world i have never allowed anyone to dismantle. because i am safe behind the wall - desperately lonely, yes, but better to be safe and lonely than admit i don’t know how to take the risk and allow someone to see behind that wall of perfect calm and collected behaviour.

(and it’s why i haven’t told you: and why i push you away, sometimes, keeping you at arms length so you don’t figure out the depths of how i feel about you and how terrified i feel about it. why its easier to laugh and joke with my friends about how everyone sees something between us and how silly it is we haven’t done anything about it yet, even though the truth of the matter is i have been too scared to really ask if you do feel the same, if you feel the way everyone says you do because if i ask you might say yes. it’s why i didn’t tell him the whole truth, or why i was wasn’t honest with the boy who came before. it’s why i never went on that second date. it’s why i cancelled that other first date because it felt like he’d figure me out too quickly.)

i don’t date - i can’t be bothered with it, i say, and it’s never been the truth. the truth is i’m afraid: of yeses and fifth dates and weeks turning into months and of someone knowing me as intimately as i know myself. because i have never been good at loving myself and i don’t see why i should expect someone else to.

#this is over the top and personal in every way it can be #enjoy x #in which i ramble #my writing tag #it feels weird posting it but also good it’s cathartic

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daveyfvckingjacobs · 9 months

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Javey. - Jack constantly lays his head in Davey’s lap. The first few times Davey would run his hand through Jack’s hair but he noticed the flinch that came with any sort of contact with his head/hair and stopped. He instead settles for placing his hand on Jack’s chest or face. Jack loves it because Davey has a really grounding effect on him

When Davey is working on something for too long (an essay or school work or anything really) Jack took to just standing behind him. Davey isn’t good at working under pressure or with people watching over his shoulder so he eventually has to stop. When he does Jack gives him all of his attention and they climb out to window and go for walks. They just ramble to each other the whole time.

Davey walks fast and Jack always whines at him to slow down and enjoy the time they have together but Davey knows that it’s just because Jack is smaller and little legs don’t go as fast. But he finds it adorable that he can’t keep up so he never slows down.

Modern! Jack and Davey both paint their nails. Fight me.

The first time Davey met Medda he had a minor heart attack on the way there and Jack was laughing his ass off. When they actually met she gave him a big hug and it was rlly sweet. - 🤠anon

ohhhhh I love these so much but I’m latching onto the writing one because once again I am davey he is me literally cannot write or draw where someone can even slightly see it we are The Same person I’m gonna write something now x

—

“Dave,”

“…Jack?”

“Y’almost done?”

Davey huffed out a sigh. “Not really,”

“How? Y’been at that for what, four hours?” Jack, spreadeagled on Davey’s bed, stretched to prove his point. He watched the other boy carefully, head lolling so Davey appeared a little tilted where he was hunched at the table.

“Two,” Davey corrected, pencil hovering over his notebook. It looked like he was midway through a word, lines upon lines of his cramped scrawl covering the page to the point it was more graphite than paper. “I think,”

“Too long,” Jack drawled. “C’mon, ain’t you done by now?”

“I’ve already said that I’m not,”

“Y’should be,”

“Tell that to the essay. It ain’t working right,”

Jack frowned as he sat up, leaning on one elbow to study Davey. He looked at the hunch of his shoulders, the furrow between his eyes, the marks over his face where he’d wiped his eyes with graphite-smudged hands. That wouldn’t do, Jack decided. He got to his feet, hands in his pockets as Davey started to write again, not waiting for a reply. The scratch of the pencil was rhythmic, familiar but it had been going on for too long so Jack just…peered over his shoulder.

The scratching stopped. Jack smiled to himself, smugly.

“What are you doing?”

He shrugged. “Watchin’ you. Like I been doin’ all day,”

“Alright…,” Davey nodded and hunched back over his essay, pencil poised. It stayed in the air, caught like someone had pressed pause, for a few heartbeats before he scribbled down three more words and then dropped it. “Do you have to stand there?”

Jack had anticipated the rebuff. “I’m jus’ watching, since you insist on still working,”

That made Davey turn in his chair to peer up at him. He kept his expression passive. Somewhere in Davey’s face was the start of anxiety, a flicker of irritation, tiredness but also fondness he couldn’t disguise. “I know what you’re doing,”

“Watching,” Jack repeated.

Davey stared for a moment longer, and Jack could see the little battle waging in his head. Thus, he could see when it ended. When Davey sighed and snapped his book shut and took Jack’s hand, running his thumb gently over his knuckles. “You win,”

Jack grinned and tugged on his arm. “I always do. C’mon,”

#I refuse to read this back I spat it out in ten minutes #enjoy x #they are my everything #newsies #newsies the musical #newsies fic #my writing #newsies fanfic #davey jacobs #jack kelly #javey #davey jacobs x jack kelly

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clownkomaeda · 1 year

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#rantaro #rantaro amami #danganronpa #drv3 #edit #honestly i made this edit like two years ago and never post my shit anywhere #but i just stumbled into it and honestly ? why didn’t i #i put a decent amount of work into this and it shows #anyways this was an expressionist piece to convey my agonizing attachment towards rantaro at the time #he’s such a lovely person #but alas.. with beauty comes fragility #this piece is meant to stand for everything he represents in my heart #enjoy x #rantaro dummy thick

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3-vi-3 · 7 months

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you can come into my world for a little bit more

if you want, just a little while longer

here, you can relax and breathe my air

like you liked it before

let it make you stronger

take it where you go and remember me there

or don't

but i'll be happy to have been with you once

in the sights, smells and sounds so rare

that i loved then, and still now,

i love them so much

#writing #wip #poetry #poem #personal #mine #my stuff #outlet #when my writing makes me cry #i know it's at least a little good #enjoy x

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harri-etvane · 7 months

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That huge gray sweatshirt belonging to MAKS...absolutely! lol Maks is a little taller and a little wider than Vova (if this sweatshirt was Andriy's ...Vova would drown in it. I guess the sleeves would reach to his knees ;)) Btw my name is Daria and I'm the anon from last h/c prompt who reads and absolutely loves all your stories on AO3. :) I started observing your blog (I also love all vintage and poetry stuff you have) and if you wish to do the same for mine we could mesagge each other from time by messages on tumbrl) :)

hey Daria!! Its so lovely to meet you ❤️ your anon message was the sweetest thing, honestly!! I've followed you (I think!) but always feel free to drop a message anytime!

The thought of Vova in either Andriy's sweatshirt or Maks' is too adorable 🥺

Maks sighing as he drags his sweatshirt over his head and hands it to Vova because of course his commander in chief has decided to embark on a trip to the front lines in nothing but a t-shirt and cargo trousers, paying absolutely zero attention to the weather reports that promise a sharp dip in temperature - all his questions about the troops; about what they need for the colder weather.

Because, of course, he entirely forgets about himself until a shiver ripples through him in the depths of a bunker on the front lines, close enough to hear the AA-guns and he raises a wry eyebrow, making some murmured joke that draws a laugh from the assembled soldiers, none of them quite catching the tense shoulders, hands-in-pockets, suppressed-shuddering-cold--

Maks' gentle, fond you-need-to-listen-to-me-for-once aside delivered under his breath as Vova nestles into the jumper and gives a sheepish, almost shy smile.

<3

#ooh that turned into a lil drabble #enjoy x

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0000000000001000 · 8 months

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#to be discussed in today's web retrospective:#algorithims #authenticity #dysphoria #identity #memes #club comfort #club penguin #the tengu wall #enjoy x

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beautyofthend · 2 years

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have some domestic-ish jopper and hopper-byers family fluff <3

#stranger things #stranger things spoilers #fic #jopper #joyce byers #jim hopper #jonathan byers #will byers #el hopper #i just NEED to see hop and jonathan having scenes together in s5 #because boy wasn’t a fan of bob all that much #and i just KNOW that he rates hopper a lot more because of everything hop has done for his mom and will #so like #he would approve of hop and joyce being together a whole lot #plus he wants to see his mom being happy #and i think he knew that even tho bob was a sweetie #it wasn’t bob who was gonna make joyce happy #anywayyyyyyy #enjoy x

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butchfaith · 1 year

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please.... what kind of soup did u make.... i also wanna try the ginger slay soup

twas tofu noodle soup!! lemme see if i can remember how i made it uhhhh

- fry up some tofu in a pan till its nice n golden (i used veg oil and sesame oil), season w salt n pepper

- add abt 1.5 litres of veg stock (1.5 litre water with 3 stock cubes)

- then i added uhh 4 cloves of minced garlic and A Fucktonne Of Ginger (i think it was like a fat 3inch piece), also minced, and a big teaspoon of miso paste to the broth

- add a bit of chilli flakes and let that baby simmer for like 20 mins

- ok then add ur rice noodles and ur veggies: i used sweetcorn, thinly sliced mushrooms, grated carrot, and spring onions (note that the veggies only need 5 mins to cook, so if ur rice noodles need longer than that then add the noodles earlier)

- add some soy sauce and more sesame oil/chilli/salt/pepper to taste

- serve cunt x

#i think i remembered it all........#enjoy x

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capseycartwright · 2 years

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starting off seven sentence sunday because i have seven sentences and why not

Eddie shifted, the leather material of the chair squeaking as he moved his weight from left, to right. He’d been sitting for a while now, and he could feel the telltale start of pins and needles in his left side. “I,” he paused, because he wasn’t quite sure how to say what he wanted to say - it was hard, he knew, to put feelings into words.

That’s why he still saw Frank, he supposed.

Eddie wiped his sweaty hands on the rough material of his jeans, the denim coarse under his palms, oddly grounding in the way it scratched, roughly. “I thought that when I came out, as gay,” and he had to take a brief moment to delight in how easily the words came, now - a few months ago, Eddie had been so sure he would never be comfortable in his sexuality, that the words would never come so easily.

That was progress - progress, and acceptance of who he’d always been, the person Eddie had locked away in the name of performance finally having his moment in the sun.

“I thought that when I came out as gay, the hard part would be done,” Eddie admitted, looking at Frank. “How - how is there still more, for me to figure out?”

tagging @fangkinkdiaz @hattalove @mellaithwen @thatbuddie @buckactuallys @littlespoonevan @sibylsleaves @eddiediass @demieddie @gayhoediaz @ghosthuntereddie and anyone else who wants to!

#in which i ramble #in which lorna writes fic #this fic.... i want her to be everything she needs to be you know? so it terrifies me #enjoy x

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starlightfreed · 1 year

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@starlcved said : 📖 for a starter from a random novel i have lying around. for pyria. quote from forging silver into stars.

she hadn’t meant to barrel into the poor person, she’d just been so distracted by the frenzy of activity in what amounted to only the second major market she’d ever visited. she’d been too swept up in the flow of people to look where she was going, taking in everything in an awed silence. by instinct, she’s reaching out to catch the other before they both wind up trampled by the crowd. her magic stops the fall just a fraction of a second before her hands actually connect, righting the other gently. a nervous, apologetic smile is offered up, “ steady now? i’m sorry about that. ”

#starlcved #pyria & gwyneth.#✰*∙ ⎯ gwyneth saskia ⎨ ic interaction ⎬#enjoy x

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undermattsun · 2 years

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kpop

lmao ok sure here’s the 5 songs ive had on loop recently <4

gentleman - sf9

if you call me - p1harmony

run2u - stayc

stupid o’clock - victon

sorry i’m not sorry - monsta x

#enjoy x #– asks

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mastermicd · 2 years

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𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐚𝐲! 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐝 😘 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞.

@ttrgrl : 😘

it took chris a moment to actually process what was happening. if it had been a few years earlier, then he might have reacted differently. might have swept haley up into his arms and onto his tourbus, finally achieving what he’d been denying to be trying to do while they had the chance. if it had been another time, an earlier time, then there is no way he would have done the following actions.

instead, chris pulled himself away. it was a move that even he was surprised by with himself, but the one that he knew deep down was the right one. “haley ––” her name came softly, as not to cause too much of an issue following the kiss. “–– you don’t mean that.”

#𝐢. 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫. ——— vacation queue.#𝐢𝐢. 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫. ——— chris keller.#𝐯. 𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐠𝐫𝐥. ——— haley james.#ttrgrl #me scheduling this my first day of vacation is actually a bit cruel but #enjoy x #we love the season 5 au

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thethoriumreactor · 2 months

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Have a meme because I have no self control