After a bajillion years I've resumed work on Spamton on BYOC. Early playtests have been pretty positive and he's a funny lad. Hope to release him this year!
it's in the early stages still, but i already have enemy replacements, custom weapons, and custom music by the talented KDNX!
and with your help, we could achieve even more! if you're interested in playtesting or contributing to the mod, fill out this form and i'll gladly have you aboard and send you the alphas when they're ready!
That "speedrunning myhouse.wad with a lawnmower" is kinda a metaphor for my life philosophy: in a world that's a confusing maze full of grief, loss and pain, you win by finding something utterly stupid that thrills you to the very core.
I need to tell you all about MyHouse.wad, a fan-made DOOM map that came out recently and stood out as a masterclass in game design, horror, and liminal space storytelling (cw for themes of death and loss).
If you've heard enough and you want to play it, there's a quick guide for getting started at the beginning of this article - The Doom mod of the year just dropped in a mysterious forum post, and goes so hard we don't even want to spoil what comes next | PC Gamer
If you just want to know more about the map... read the rest of the article. Or this article - MyHouse.wad is not another gimmicky Doom map with ingenious level design – Boris Bezdar (bezdarbor.com)
Or better yet, watch this video essay that shows playthroughs of the various endings and does a phenomenal job of presenting the content and capturing what works so well about it -
youtube
This map is something truly special! Happiness is worth fighting for...
Doom being owned by MS reminds me of how some people hated Bill Gates so much, that you can find some Doom stuff where Doomguy kills Bill Gates or Destroys MicroSoft.
There's this gif of Doomguy killing Bill gates:
This image from a Linux programming book:
The IOS for Mars War:
And the ending of Dystopia 3 where you blow up MS HQ:
Here's that essay on MyHouse.wad I've kept threatening to drop like a big anvil, which I definitely did not forget about for like a month :P Seems like an opportune moment to publish it, what with all the recent influx of interest in the game - and so I present some more of my thoughts on this masterpiece. Enjoy :)
MyHouse.pk3 is a game about grief.
It is a game about nostalgia and regret, obsession and devotion, confusion and despair. A game that asks if it's ever possible to escape grief's clutches, or if each apparent success only makes the net close tighter around us. A game that compels us to seek answers, and provides only further questions.
This is also a game about love, and how grief scrunches it up impossibly small and stretches it out impossibly thin, as we are forced to reckon with what this person really means to us, what impact they've had on us, and how we can possibly continue to exist in this world without them.
It is by all accounts a common thing for prospective modders to recreate their own houses, or those of their relatives, as part labour of love, part test run for future projects, part rite of passage. I imagine that playing through one is akin to a virtual property tour, with added demon killing and grunting. And perhaps this was all MyHouse.pk3 was ever meant to be - just another map of just another house, albeit uploaded as a tribute to its original owner who passed on.
What we get instead… is nothing short of an electronic manifestation of grief itself. The house changes as we play, as demons thought vanquished return stronger than ever. New hallways jut out at impossible angles while old doorways vanish into thin air. We wander through wildly different versions of the house's floorplan - a brutalist office block that changes in size, a perpetually-flooded bathhouse suspended in an eeriely tranquil skybox, an abandoned daycare falling into disrepair, an empty airport devoid of life, adjoined to a bathroom with a bloody secret. Mirrors become portals to alternate versions of the same house, where everything is the same except reversed. You jump out of a plane and seemingly wake up back at the house, but time has passed and everyone has moved on and the one thing you thought a concrete certainty ("Safe as houses", so the saying goes) is literally sold off behind your back and you turn around and there's nothing there anymore, it's just gone.
No-one asked you. You did not consent to any of this, and yet it has happened all the same.
And life ticks on and you try to move on but you can't. Even the Underhalls, Doom II's second level, provides only temporary respite, as you are immediately spat back out right where you began, and the whole process starts over.
THIS is what grief does to someone. It freezes you in time, folds your mind into endlessly recursive origami shapes that loop on themselves again and again, removes an old keystone from the bridge of your psyche before stepping back to watch the structure slowly crumble to ruins. You flail helplessly as you are caught between trying to invoke what you've lost in meaningful objects and places, and tossing everything aside and trying to escape into some new, different reality. The past contains bittersweet memories of happier times you can never return to, while the future promises nothing but a bleak pseudo-existence utterly devoid of meaning. You cannot go back. You cannot move forward.
And all the while, you torment yourself with the same questions, over and over and over: Why did this happen? What do I do now they're gone? Could I have changed something? Could things have been different, if I had just been kinder/braver/better/gentler/more attentive?
Grief haunts MyHouse. It is the unseen hand that shapes the world and all the artefacts scattered throughout it. It is the force that compels Steve to continue adding to it, convinces him that only he can do what is needed, and he becomes as dependent upon the map to frame his loss as it is dependent on him to shape it. There are no ghosts or demons, no supernatural forces at play here - just one person trapped in his despair and loneliness, pouring everything he has into the one last thing that connects him to his dead friend. And in the finished map, we see exactly what Tom was to Steve, just how precious and irreplacable of a friend they were to him, just how fathomless his depth of feeling for them. So deep that Tom may very well be "the only person I [Steve] ever loved."
Grief and love are intertwined, they cannot be teased apart. The deeper and more profound the love for someone, the greater the agony experienced when they are taken from you. For Steve to have constructed such an elaborate, multifaceted, labyrinthian space, and to have done so deliberately as a trubute, it becomes increasingly obvious that he was motivated by a love and a grief so abyssal and all-consuming that there was no-one and nothing he valued more in life - to the point where it must have seemed that he, too, had died alongside his friend.
This house and all of its impossible multitudes is a digital mausoleum, built not so much for a person as for a relationship, dedicated to stupid in-jokes and childhood traumas and painful secrets, plagued by a burning love that cannot be spoken yet has to be expressed lest it destroys the one who harbours it. It stands as proof that Tom existed, that the bond they shared was real. And through all the confusion, the hopelessness and the heartbreak, a way forward begins to emerge.
Grief never truly goes away, is never truly "beaten" as a video game final battle may be. But it does become easier to navigate, its twists and turns becoming more familiar with each pass, with each story shared between others who are struggling alongside us. Contentment can be reattained. Life does, indeed, go on. Love is not negated by death, but endures forever in how we choose to honour those who are no longer with us.
Okay, so I've been kinda smitten with the newest topic the internet has latched onto, mainly because it's a mix of narrative twisting, liminal spaces and DOOM.
I haven't been so fortunate as to play MyHouse.WAD myself, but BOY HOWDY DO I KNOW A LOT ABOUT IT ANYWAY.
Probably the saddest part of my knowledge about this shit is that I went full House of Leaves on a copy of the automap (which you shouldn't really have, but WADs need to have map geometry somewhere.
Big spoilers for MyHouse.WAD ahead! Read on at your own peril!
...
Still here? It appears you're quite brave. Well, let us delve into the map of the House.
Among the map of the House, you might notice where, and what I've written. I won't spoil it. Delve into the file for yourself, see my 3AM ramblings.
You can see the main thing I latched onto, clear as day:
"Happiness has to be fought for."
And why shouldn't I? It's arguably the most profound message this map gives you. At the top, there's a small summary I gave about MyHouse, and its inner workings. Quote:
The house.
All orientations are displayed in the grid, and are highlighted by orange. Utilises silent teleports and UDMF features to slowly but surely drive you insane trying to track down everything within the confines of its walls.
It leads everywhere, and nowhere.
I know, chilling. right? Looking at the writings, you'd think I was only half there when I wrote them.
Probably the only other massively chilling thing is the message for disabling IDDQD (god mode for those uninitiated into the circles of Ye Olde Doom):
There is no good outcome from a house fire.
AND BOY, DOES IT SURE LIKE TO REMIND YOU OF THAT FACT IF YOU GO AHEAD WITH IT ANYWAY!
Ending 1 is the creepiest bit of the house's machinations. You trip the breaker, the lights go dark, and suddenly, you hear screaming from above you. Children, adults, who knows, all you know is that the air is thick with smoke, and they just keep screaming. You can't find them upstairs, so you check back downstairs, only to notice...
The walls have changed. The house is no longer wallpaper and carpet. The only thing remaining on the house's walls is the windows, and they show that even the garden has changed. Where there was plant life, there is now only stalagmites. Going to the boiler room shows you the garage door has returned... but it doesn't lead to the garage.
I'm leaving that there. If you want to play MyHouse.WAD for yourself, please, as a reminder, use GZDoom, not DOOM II: Hell On Earth. As much as the original was good, the WAD is just a bit too chunky for it to run in the original game. DOS software is only so powerful, after all.