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fatefought · 1 month

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nobody's daughter

here is a shortened collection of annie clara cresta's journal entries. though there are many, these are just snipbits pertaining to the relationships she shares with her birth parents, among other topics. there is an emphasis on her mother: sable. though many of cresta's entries tend to be hopeful and happy, these lot are not.

anxiety, faked pregnancy, child abandonment, ptsd, implied violence, pregnancy, gaslighting tw! if i am missing any, please let me know.

06/07/58

deer diary,

i met mama to day. she said to call her sabel sable. i don't know why. i tried to give her a hug. she did not like that. gran says i met her before. i do not remembur. why can i not? i think i look like her. i do not look like dad. i see dad a lot more. he comes by sumtimes. he looks like pops. i do not look like pops. i love pops AND gran. they love me to. i love dad and sybell sable. i hop they love me to.

- annie clara

08/15/61

dear diary,

sable came by today. it's been a while since she last has. grandma didn't tell me that she would be visiting, for some reason. it's unfair of her to do that. they looked at me like i was some ghost, even though aggie got pale like one. she shushed me and sent me to my room. what use was that? i put my ear to my door. neither of them were happy. no, they were yelling. all i hear about anymore is the academy, and it was no different now.

i was starting to believe that sable just doesn't care about or for me. and yet, she seemed torn apart over the fact that i wasn't signed up for the academy. no, i don't want to take part in it. caspian joined last fall, and he's gotten so rough. he's not the boy i once knew. still, it's nice to know that sable does care.

she doesn't care about my dad though. or at least, i would never speak of those i have a fondness for the way she speaks of him. she called him pathetic, and worries that i'll be cursed like him. i feel so conflicted about it all. but hey, my mom cares right?

sincerely,

annie clara

08/03/62

dear diary,

four is ablaze as of late. the latest victor of the games is from our shores. he's young, too young to have endured what he has. he's all beaming smiles though as far as i've seen. everyone is as of late. cas is so wide eyed at the thought of becoming finnick odair one day. it turns out that a winner brings prosperity to all the district. the market is alive more than ever. but in the busle of it all, i find a peaceful quiet amongst maintaining the corners of pops, may he rest in peace, and grandma's place.

i don't think grandma is gonna let me back there for a while though. sable swung by. she filled her basket aplenty. i had assumed her keep had been vaster this season. aggie has a phrase she uses about assumptions. i've told you it before, no use repeating it now. sable told me how rough it had been lately for her. she's pregnant apparently. her and mazin are excited, she told me. sable couldn't afford what she carried. pops, may he rest in peace, would turn a blind eye for most when something like this happened. hell, grandma does it too. why was she mad at the thought of me helping out a family? my own brother or sister?

regardless, i guess my nose will be in you more than ever since i've been banished. grandma's words, not mine. that and the paperbacks i find around the house.

sincerely,

annie clara

08/04/62

dear diary,

the sun hasn't risen over the horizon yet. and yet, the tears that peck away at my eyes do not make them heavy. why did sable not want me, but looked so happy now? is it hard to love me - impossible even? i see so many with parents who love them unconditionally. divina, cade, caspian - the list can go on and on.

what is it about me?

sincerely,

annie clara

01/30/66

dear diary,

fletcher is beginning to feel like a brother, but a very distant one. i'm not sure what makes a father, but i'm tired trying to find one out of him. i would like to spend time with him though. he comes in flurries, the ones sailors say they see this time of year when they trek through chilly lochs towards district seven. grandma is kinder to him than sable, but she doesn't seem to have the ability to feign warmth. pops, may he rest in peace, was the one who could. i'd hear people say: where you stand with marcin, you could never be sure; aggie either wanted you around or made it known otherwise.

i wonder if fletcher resents me. my birth effectively stole his life. i live a good life; i'm warm, fed - happy. would he have a life with sable if it hadn't been for me? sometimes he speaks of her and their long, lost friend. the games took him. a man from twelve more specifically, apparently.

his eyes get misty whenever his friend gets brought up. it's like watching pops, may he rest in peace, cry with how much they resemble each other. i hate the sight, it rips my beating heart. so i avoid that talk. i think grandma would have preferred that topic over sable. silence flooded the room when i asked about her child. there was never one. not any of the times when i allowed for goods to be snuck out of the market for them.

at least, she looked well. at least, she looked happy. makes sense, life must be a blessed one without me.

sincerely,

annie

09/27/70

dear diary,

hello dear friend. you've been hearing from me non-stop. apologies for the erraticism; it's hard to make sense of it all anymore. if everything isn't blaring, then it is layed in a haze that exists around me. but as terrifying as the latter is, at least there's some peace around me. not in my head nor thoughts, but i'm afraid the devastation of the arena will eat away at that forever.

i think i'm doing a terrible job when i attempt to hide the reality. my return to home brought fanfare like finnick odair's, but there's something else. i'm not deaf to the whispers or the judgements. sometimes, i yearn for that though. people question my sanity. they're not alone. i do too.

divina has made their way to my new home many times over. i appreciate the company. my blood house and the nearby shorelines are peaceful - at least compared to all else. i can tell they're trying to comfort me; my neighbors have done similarly, as has grandma. still, sometimes divina's soft-spoken, well intended words throw me.

sable lives locally, unlike fletcher. why did div feel the need to recount what they've overheard from my mother? i'm an embarrassment. my performance left something to be desired, it seems. we don't share a name, not first nor last. perhaps far fewer would even know the bloodline we share, if only we wouldn't see the other staring back when we looked in the mirror. her worry was founded, i'm afraid. i'm pathetic - like fletcher.

i hope i don't demand too much from you as of late, friend. until the arena, i had never bothered reading you back. now it feels like i'm desperate to find the girl i once was within your very pages. i fear that she's gone, and the mess that remains is a burden.

i miss caspian, like many others, i'm sure.

sincerely,

annie

02/01/71

dear diary,

the moon takes residence amongst the stars at the moment. i'm not sure whether the breeze is predominantly salty or brisk. either way, i do not mind. both awaken my senses; both make me know that i am here. i have given you a break, one that you very much deserved. nowadays i cannot make sense of what goes on in my mind, let alone put them to paper anymore. i used to write about happiness often, i'm sorry it has changed as of late. it's terribly ungrateful to be this way, when i still get to see my breath in the february air.

is all i do anymore is complain? that's what i will continue to do here. i saw sable as i closed the market this evening. grandma is not in favor of me returning so soon. it's not often that i assert myself when it comes to her. and with good reason, i trust grandma. nevertheless, i can get lost in the repetition in restocking, similarly as i can get consumed in trying to count every cloud when i melt away at the beach.

few things are crystal anymore. but my mother knows how to stop my chest from falling or rising, like she controls my lungs herself. i used to think about this moment, stomach the courage to ask about the lies. but those inquiries were wiped from forefront as she starts talking about what she's entitled to. she brought me into the world; my athleticism comes from her. my blubbering questions her reputation to those who know we're linked. the damned fool i am, i don't even realize it's about the blood money. fletcher already asked in the fall. i feed into both. i have more than i need nowadays anyways.

i am unsure whether i will tell grandma about this exchange. and with how things have gone recently, who even knows if i will even remember it in a week's - month's - year's time?

sincerely,

annie

(edit: 06/10/75)

sable comes by a couple times a year now. the end goal is always the same. the conversation is shorter. the price is always the same: a small sum and a chipped part of my soul. why am i like this?

05/18/74

dear diary,

the spring has been beautiful, like the man who lays beside me basking in the sun. water cascades and gently flows outside the boat, as we slowly coast away from shore. finn's hands, ones who i've grown so familiar with, remain steady on growing bump. not a day goes by where i'm not blown away at the situation and how we've come here. there's no one i would rather start a family with. he'll be the most incredible father to our baby. i know this from the very core of my being.

i love our little guppy more and more everyday. as terrifying as our world remains and the circumstances that might very well happen, my love for them is something that i am certain of. but yet, i worry. neither sable or fletcher raised me, but what if i'm no better than them. what if it's as simple as nature? what if they felt the way i do now, and none of that mattered? i want more than anything to be better, but what if i am fundamentally incapable of doing so?

i never want my child to feel the way i did. and in regards to their daddy, i know finn will never make our son or daughter feel that way. with all that i can muster, i pray that i never do as well.

sincerely,

annie

07/04/74

dear diary,

caspian is just a few weeks old, and snow has ripped his father away. i'm not sure which is more heartbreaking: the way finn could not hide his despair at leaving our family or the way i see my sweet son's eyes trying to see where his daddy is? they match finn's. i believe that it's a first testament showing that he'll continue to inherent the best parts of his daddy. though in truth, there's no part of finnick that i do not adore. i just hope cas gets more of him than that of me.

but my time and care is something that i can give heaps of to my little man. i refuse to take it for granted. not when my world shifted the first time i held him; not when finnick, who would want nothing more, is carted away from heaven to a deep, foreign layer of hell. i will tell him all about caspian's day tonight when he gets into the city. i wish my memory was photographic as to not spare a single detail. i wish i could paint it into finn's mind, like he was able to see it himself. right now, our son is resting peacefully, taking one of many naps. i hope his existence remains as serene as it is during his earliest days. one can dream, no?

i once worried that i would become like sable and fletcher. that's no longer a concern. and in moments like this, sometimes i wonder if maybe the situation wasn't my fault though the sentiment is always short-lived.

sincerely,

annie

03/14/75

dear diary,

i hadn't intended on introducing fletcher - nor sable - to cas. in fact, the thought of them rejecting him pains me much more than their lack of acknowledgement of me ever could. though fletcher did as he does best, which was come around unexpectedly. agatha attempted to dismiss him and send him away, but the damage was done. and while my darling, sweet boy was oblivious and cheerily smiling, his mother felt her heart lodged deep within her throat.

finn isn't thrilled either, and i don't blame him for that. my difficulty when it comes to setting boundaries isn't on him. i wish i could just utilize the advice him or agatha have given me over the years. the thought of saying no to him - and sable too - brings me back to when i was just a few years older than caspian. young annie clara's want for her parents' love felt like a need. one that would never be met.

finn wants me to talk to fletcher, and express inflexible measures. i'm nervous. but at the same, maybe it'll be easier than others. other times were just me. this impacts my family - the most important man and boy in my life. doing right by them for them feels incredibly less daunting. wish me luck, old friend.

sincerely,

annie

(edit: 03/16/75)

fletcher agreed. he expressed regrets and a want to mend things. time will tell. i have to keep telling myself that, or the unrealistic expectation will be like a blade slicing through scar tissue in my back. like it always does; like it always has. the only relief comes from the fact that sable lives unaware. i cannot be sure that she wouldn't hold my son's life against me, and put someone truly innocent in merciless path of harm's way.

09/75

we start anew, old friend. with how violence and new normals surround panem, i would not be surprised if you are nothing but charred remains in four once i return home. and for that, i won't shed tears. there's so much more at stake after all. the war is far from over.

materials are scarse so words must be too. finn and cas: they're alive. we're together once more, and hopefully to remain until i hold no air in my lungs. agatha, mags, nat, cadie, katniss, sterling, jo, beetee - even more are safe within thirteen. thea, cece, peeta, enobaria, & amara survived the cells. fletcher made it out apparently, as i've been told. i hope mr. leatworth and sable are safe within four, and many others too.

i'm not sure who to trust in all of this anymore, but the man i love and my darling son are here. and regardless of how things may turn out, at least my little family will be together throughout.

- a.c.c.

#rip annie cresta #you would have loved the original works section of ao3 and therapy #eventidepast #* drabble / annie .#anxiety tw #pregnancy tw #gaslighting tw #faked pregnancy tw #ptsd tw #child abandonment tw #implied violence tw

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astranne · 2 years

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MASTERLIST MADE UP FANFIC TITLES

notes // here are all sent asks from the not so planned event linked. it‘s going to take a while to write all of these. blame foxie. i do too. all titles are linked in the order in which they have been posted.

please note that some titles contain suggestive themes/or talk about nsfw things/pairs not everyone will like. these are no full works, but something like 'summaries' to the fanfic titles which have been sent. sometimes there is a bit more, sometimes there is a bit less. if you're very sensitive to the things named above, then don't read. while my main doesn't have explicit themes, some titles sent are, or at least mention it. if you see a title like that, and don't want to read then don't read. it's this easy.

free candy the white van said // Long-Awaited Secrets Revealed // expense it on my business card, he said // I'm shocked, shocked, I tell you // A Tale bound for the Stars // Oh Mary and Jane, Don't be Simping on Main // Forget the man I used to be and four more titles // 101 things NOT to do with a panda: stealing one from China to deal with the estate's invasive overgrown forest of bamboo // Baby don't worry // No matter where I look, high or low, I still can't find you hoe // be a pathetic social worm getting crushed by lifeTM // reflection in the void // 50 shades of mud // Green Hell // Good luck biting through steel greaves you gremlin // Emergency Food or World Guide: The Debate // Anemo, Electro and....*reads smudged writing* grass? // Dreaming about New Ways to Torture (baby‘s first stand) // "tutorial on how to crack an egg" seconds before disaster // Pretending We Know Things (How Does One Work This "Oven") // Unending Memes Encryption // Not friendly for introverts nor kids // cry for your mama, scoff at your dada // You're the Lightning to My Sound of Thunder // Call Me The Champion (of the Accidental Meme Smackdown) // I see the cosmos in your eyes (do I live in it?) // i'm a mess on fire but no amount of water will fix me // My Physics Professor made me do it // When all the stars go down, a strange type of sound // Dancing in the Dark // If I drop this coffee, someone is going to Die // "Gaze Not into the Abyss, Lest it Gaze Back" // You don't know whether you're dealing with a god, a king or an alien bent on world domination // The Print Was So Small, We Didn't Understand // We Sit Our Thrones (It's Time to Say Goodbye) // Everything wanted to kill me but I lived out of spite // Identity Crisis: The Musical // Why should I hire you? // Dabi's 504 methods of evading taxes // The extraordinarily ordinary life of brothers // Make War Not Tea // It's funny how you think you're still the king (karma is a bitch) // Invincible, We Live Like Legends // The Taste of Who You Are // Past Turns To Dust (Pour It Into The Hourglass) // From Winter Song to Noble Blood (Undo It All) // Mood swings can cause weather change, don't you know? // You sent me a letter. What is this, the medieval times? // "Alright, which fucker broke this again" // Bad Apple (The Prettiest Poison Apple) // We're an endless stream of choices (a haunting melody) // Stay Strong (You're Not Allowed To Laugh) // A Twisted Happy Ever After To Behold (you wanted to fade away? Too late) // We all want to be somebody, but you always wanted to be nobody // Sung Jinah's Secret Pandora Box // Dragons....in MY land? // Oh No, Extreme Dad Energy // Down the rabbit hole but found a fox // the stupidest thing you can give to a child // Flower of Hell (Assassins, Outlaws and Outsiders) // Fishing For A Compliment (You Caught A Childe!) // kill me softly // Round is a shape. // „I‘m in a coma, no one can tell me otherwise“ // Game of Survival, War of Hearts // The legend of going to bed at a reasonable hour // T'was As Amusing As The Light of A Garbage Fire // "DID YOU SEE THIS DUMPSTER FIRE" you laugh, shoving your mobile in my face // Dead Hearts and Doomsday (I can't ditch this fake tea party, send help) // Over the Horizon (Way Back Home) // "I can't be a magical girl!" You, a magical girl, say // 20 STRANGE PHOTOS TAKEN IN USJ // Enemies with benefits comes with tax benefits. // Black haze, blue gleam // ”Heroes should be fashionably late, so why are you early by....TWO HOURS?!" // I left for maybe 5 minutes, why is the kitchen on fire // Beauty and the beast named batkid // Alert! Click on link below to find the missing Batman // what they don't tell you // Twink(le) twink(le) little Pringle

more titles will be linked...

ASTRANNE 2022

#masterlist #made up fic title ask game #dc #mcu #marvel #jjk #harry potter #mha #bnha #genshin impact #got #peaky blinders

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chqnified · 2 years

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Honestly some people don't get the message. In fact, it's not that they don't understand, they don't care. They will continue harassing you like it is some sick game.

Being messaged didn't seem to be much of a problem, you can mute them, not reply. Whatever. Not ideal, but whatever. However, to the point where yesterday I'd been messaged multiple points during the day and even called at fucking 11pm? Twice? It clearly wasn't an accident.

Being approached in the corridor even when i made it abundantly clear that i wanted to be left alone, i was busy. On multiple occasions. Even when I'm on a phone call, he feels the need to stand next to me, even when i said it was a private phone call and said he should leave.

To know that he isn't only making me specifically uncomfortable, but other parts too. The field we got "dragged" into because he accidentally lost his way? (Not that he fucking lives next door to the field), he admitted when we told we had amnesia and didn't remember him out of desperation, that he brought us into the field. It was purposely done. Whilst we knew this, for him to admit so, to be that arrogant and sick to tell us that. Maybe he let it slip. It's good to know we weren't wrong.

He asked us multiple times for our phone number, we denied him it, he said he was offended. Why? We don't owe you anything. A grand total of about 5 people have our phone number, that's a personal choice, for these kinds of reasons. Being called at night, for no reason other than to harass.

He's friends with a group of guys who assault girls. I saw it happen. A guy hitting his girlfriend. Punching her. Nobody did anything. And I'm not expecting other students to- I didn't. I had previous experiences with the same guy, he wouldn't remember, it only took less than 5 seconds, but those I won't forget.

If you inform a member of staff, a tutor who is employed to listen and deal with these situations, they should deal with it. But no. Easier not to. I couldn't have given much more. I could give proof, witnesses, surnames, classes. But it is also the fault of society, i could have so much more proof, but others are too scared to step forward, they're ashamed to. And we all know why.

The same staff can catch you out for being 2mins late to class or not paying for parking. It's funny that isn't it?

He has hugged us, without consent, many of times. Without consent. We knew him for a grand total of a couple of hours at that point.

The time he "accidentally" took us to a field, claiming there was a short cut. We panicked about being late to being picked up by our dad. He laughed, brushed it off, told us we were worrying about nothing, it wouldn't be that bad. What would he know. Not an apology. Amusement is what we got.

He pretended to roll over his ankle, as we walked through a woody area. Could tell he was faking it. The next day he was skateboarding, we saw him, but the minute he saw us, he started to try to manipulate us into feeling shit about leaving him, that he was in so much pain even now.

That's not even the half of what he has done.

Our last hope, that one of our system's parts can scare him. To the point it has resulted to Avi being the only one of us who can potentially handle the situation, says something.

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0thsense · 7 months

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9/30/2023

When I'm feeling down, I am vigilant to find fault in others, because it makes me feel like I have something over them. A stupid act of desperation.

The time limit is approaching. I am not doing well. What does it mean to give up? I want to run myself to death.

Could I survive losing all of my family and friends? Should I prepare myself for it? It'll slowly happen at this pace. Was I wrong about things all those years ago? Maybe I should quicken the pace.

I can't open up to anyone. Noone will understand, and everyone will think they understand. Hell, some people probably think they understand already without me saying anything. Maybe the easiest way to be happy is to presume you understand about unhappiness you've never felt.

I wanted to understand my emotions. It might be too late, because now all I ever feel is anger and frustration. Base, useless, devastating emotions.

Some girl I used to know followed me on Strava the other day. Simply because she connected her account and auto followed all of her contacts. And I held onto that for the whole day. Pathetic.

Do I feel good when I beat myself up like this? Honestly it's a little cathartic but I'm not sure if it's healthy. I spend so much time thinking about the past, it fills every undistracted moment of my life. Will it ever stop?

So dramatic for someone who has lived such an objectively easy life. I don't really believe that, more just unsure. But everyone else would surely mock me for thinking I have such insane struggles in my circumstances. So I can't open up. They'll think I'm even more pathetic than they already do. A good way to get some one time pity and then having them slowly drift off. A bad way to quicken the pace.

Maybe I just need to get better at slapping on a smile and enthusiasm, so that it doesn't take so much effort every time. Just get good at it so it doesn't take all my energy, so I don't dread it every time. Just... become an automatic liar. Perfect.

I'm not looking forward to going to Japan soon. I'm worried my shell will break over those 2 weeks. Maybe I'm even more worried that it won't. Maybe I will just be boring because I'm getting tired having to put on enthusiasm all the time. Perfect.

My legs hurt from running today. Good. I wonder if how I feel right now is accurate. If I look back on this post it will probably read pretty terribly. Have I made no progress? Perfect timing to be depressed again for the holiday season. Last time I showed up one time and they thought I was fine. Because I guess I'm good at faking enthusiasm. Fuck you.

If I think rationally about it, it's my fault. It's hard to tell when someone's depressed, and it's even harder when I've been putting on masks for my whole life. But I can't tell them either. Probably the worst cases of depression are the ones where they have noone to tell. Because they can't trust anybody to care enough. I'm doing fine everyone.

God and I hate it even more because I become so self absorbed. Making me lose one of the few things I prided myself on: empathy and thinking of others. And I kept that pride even though it became unjustified. It hurts.

Maybe I can try to think of others in this post. Harley decided she wants to move back home, because of RTO. I wonder how she feels about that. I wonder if I chose that just because it's semi relevant to me. My dad might also be kinda depressed, I'm kinda worried. Probably partly due to me.

God, I can't think of much when I try to remember caring about others recently. You don't just feel worse, you become worse. Please let me care for others again. I am an asshole. I'm not willing to sacrifice myself to help others. I find something in them to condemn and justify this. Nobody helped Jerry, and everyone sure loves beating down on him.

Endroll was a nice game.

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nyxreads · 2 years

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Elain as Taylor Swift

A Place In This World (in NC)

"Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission, but I'm ready to fly"

I'm Only Me When I'm Wih You (to Az)

"Through it all nobody gets me like you do"

"And only you can tell"

Superstar (to Az)

"I'd be breaking all my rules to see you"

The Other Side of The Door (To Az)

"So babe if you know everything, tell me why you couldn't see that when I left I wanted you to chase after me"

Fearless (to Az)

"But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave. It's the first kiss. It's flawless."

Lovestory (to Az)

"So, I sneak out to the garden to see you. We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew."

"This love is difficult but it's real"

The Way I Loved You (to Lu/ien)

"He can't see the smile I'm faking and my heart's not breaking 'cause I'm not feeling anything at all"

Change (to Az)

"These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down"

Mean (to her antis)

"You, with your mean words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me"

"well, you can take me down with just one single blow but you don't know what you don't know"

The Story of Us (to Az)

"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking, and I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?"

Enchanted (to Az)

"All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you"

"The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks, like passing notes in secrecy"

Ours (to Az)

"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves. They'll judge it like they know about me and you. And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury's out but my choice is you."

"So don't you worry your pretty, little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine. And life makes love look hard. The stakes are high, the water's rough. But this love is ours."

I Almost Do (to Az)

"I bet this time of night you're still up. I bet you're tired from a long hard week. I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city. And I bet sometimes you wonder about me."

Stay stay stay (to Az)

"You took the time to memorize me: my fears, my hopes, and dreams. I just like hangin' out with you all the time. All those times that you didn't leave. It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life."

Begin Again (to Az)

"And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did. I've been spending the last eight months, thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end. But on a Wednesday in a cafe I watched it begin again."

Shake it Off (to her antis) (Prolly whole lyrics but this is my fave)

"Got nothing in my brain, that's what people say"

"And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate"

"I never miss a beat, I'm lightning on my feet and that's what they don't see,"

Nothing New (to Antis)

"Girls, go out and have your fun" then they hunt and slay the ones who actually do it. Criticize the way you fly when you're soarin' through the sky"

Wildest Dreams (to Az)

"He's so tall and handsome as hell, he's so bad but he does it so well."

"I said, "No one has to know what we do" his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room. And his voice is a familiar sound. Nothin' last forever. But this is gettin' good now."

"Say you'll remember me standin' in a nice dress starin' at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rose cheeks say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams"

That's How You Get The Girl (to Az)

"Pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks, and say you want me"

End Game (Elriel)

"I wanna be your endgame"

"You and me would be a big conversation, ah"

I Did Something Bad (to her antis)

"They're burning all the witches, even if you aren't one. They got their pitchforks and proof, their receipts and reason."

Don't Blame Me (Elriel)

"For you, I would cross the line. I would waste my time. I would lose my mind."

Delicate (to Az)

"My reputation's never been worse, so you must like me for me"

Look What You Made Me Do (to antis)

"I'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams"

So It Goes (To Az)

"You know I'm not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you. So it goes."

King Of My Heart (To Az)

"Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending. With all these nights we're spending."

Dancing With Our Hands Tied (to Az)

"I, I loved you in secret"

"My, my love had been frozen. Deep blue, but you painted me golden. Oh, and you held me close. Oh, how was I to know what."

Dress (Elriel)

"Our secret moments in a crowded room. They got no idea about me and you."

"All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation. My hands are shaking from holding back from you."

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things (to antis)

"So why'd you have to rain on my parade? I'm shaking my head and locking the gates."

Call It What You Want (to Az)

"My baby's fly like a jet stream, high above the whole scene. Loves me like I'm brand new"

"All my flowers grew back as thorns. Windows boarded up after the storm. He built a fire just to keep me warm."

"I want to wear his intlitial on a chain 'round my neck. Chain 'round my neck. Not because he owns me. But 'cause he really knows me."

Cruel Summer (To Az)

"Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price you know that I bought it."

"And it's new, the shape of your body it's blue, the feeling that I've got and it's ooh, woah oh."

"I don't want to keep secrets just to keep you and I snuck in through the garden gate. Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)."

Lover (Elriel)

"My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue. All's well that ends well to end up with you."

"And at every table, I'll save you a seat. Lover"

The Man (to her antis)

"And I'm so sick of them coming at me again. 'Cause if I was a man, then I'd be the man."

Paper Rings (To Az)

"Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Uh huh, that's right."

You Need To Calm Down (To antis)

"And I'm just like "Hey! Are you OK?""

"That stressing and obsessing 'bout somebody else is no fun'"

"You need to calm down, you're being too loud."

"You need to just stop. Like, can you just not step on my gown?"

"Why are you mad when you could be GLAAD?"

"And we see you over there on the Internet COMPARING all the girls who are killing it."

Daylight

"I wanna be defined by the things that I love not the things I hate. Not the things that I'm afraid of. Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night."

The 1 (to Az)

"But it would've been fun, if you would've been the one."

Mad Woman (To antis)

"And women like hunting witches, too. Doing your dirtiest work for you. It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together."

Ivy (to Az)

"My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand. Taking mine, but it's been promised to another."

"He's in the room, your opal eyes are all I wish to see. He wants what's only yours"

Ready For It? (AZ TO ELAIN)

"In the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do, baby"

I honestly don't have the energy to write Az version but feel free guys haha.

#elriel #elain archeron #pro elriel #taylor swift

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bakubabes-tatakae · 3 years

Text

A/N: I hope you all enjoy part 1/4 of my pieces for day four of the anniversary collab for the @konoblog-simps. You can find all the lovely pieces for the day here! Today’s theme was song pieces, and its full of angst. My heart broke after this piece. 😩 Izaya just deserves love. I’ll be spanning my four pieces throughout the next couple of hours so stay turned. You can find all the days of the collab here!

For the best experience listen to the song while reading the piece. The song title and artist have the link for he music video. 😊

Pairing: Izaya x fem!Reader

Song Choice: Without Me by Chvse

Warnings: alcohol consumption, angst, violence

Word Count: 1.7k

Izaya had never felt this kind of pain before. This man had been beaten senseless, stabbed, and everything in between, but nothing had ever really hurt him as much as heartbreak did. He had been the one to end things, but that was only because he didn’t want to put you in danger anymore. He didn’t want to be the thing that ended your life. But that didn’t stop the thoughts from roaming his head.

“And I don't want nobody else but you

You the girl in my dreams every night

You the reason that I let the sun come through”

You had been the best thing in his life, but he had let his life come in between that. He hadn’t wanted harm to come to you. But just that had happened. All this dealing with the Yakuza had made them take you hostage. They wanted to make him hurt.

So when he had finally gotten you back from them. When he had finally gotten you settled at home he had left, running away with nothing but a note on your nightstand. He couldnt’ bear to tell you to your face that you were better off without him.

You were in his dreams every night since then. Your face haunted every single thought that he had. He told himself day after day that he had to move on, but he couldn’t do that. He wanted you, nobody else.

His thoughts always went back to the countless mornings that you would wake up and roll over to tell him the same thing every time. “You’re the reason that I open those blinds every morning, Izaya.” You’d smile and climb over him, straddling his lap and pressing soft kisses to his cheek. “You’re the reason that I let the sun come through. You’re my light.”

Those words were on repeat in his head. He reached for the beer bottle on his coffee table and took a sip, tightening his grip around the bottle as he fought back the urge to let a tear loose.

“Girl, I'm sorry for the things that I've done

Always starting shit and put you in a dumb mood

Always pushing you away, but I pushed too hard

Now you're gone, what a dumb move

'Cause you're the person I'mma run to”

Izaya’s work had always gotten in the way of your relationship, but you had tried hard not to let that bother you. He knew how hard you tried to ignore it. That didn’t stop him from feeling horrible about it. He had tried to push you away some, despite how much he always regretted himself for it after. He wanted you to make the decision on your own.

He would get angry when you questioned him about when he was going to spend some time with you. He tried to understand where you came from, but his work was his life and he wanted nothing more than to succeed. He wanted to make a better life for not only himself but for you as well. He had gone about that wrong.

His anger would always put you in horrible moods. And when you had left him the first time he should have left you alone.

When you had finally decided that enough was enough he should have left it at that. But something inside him said that he had to have you back. He just couldn’t let you get away. He loved you too much.

You were always the person that he ran to when he needed help. You were the person that he always leaned on. And now you were gone.

“Look, I understand why you had to leave

'Cause I was treating you so bad, that your family

Could see through the fake smile that you had with me

I wish you didn't go, but also know you had to leave”

Izaya had heard the words that your family always spoke. He heard the conversations on the other line. You had been sure that the phone speaker wasn’t loud enough, but he heard them say that you needed to move on.

You would object to their statements. You always did, but he knew that deep down you would think for a long time about them.

They would say that you always seemed like the feelings you had weren’t real. They called your smiles fake and said that you only did them to fool the family. You only wanted them to think that you were truly happy.

Izaya wished that he hadn’t pushed you away that first time, but he knew that it needed to be done. He understood why you had left, but his heart wanted you to be with him.

“'Cause I was toxic, found a way to talk shit

Accusing you of things you didn't do, I know I'm not shit

So leaving me to better you, is better than the option

To stick around with me, I just hate that I caused it

I hate that I caused it”

Izaya had done nearly everything to push you away the first time. He was toxic. He was rude. He played every game he could think of. Izaya even went as far as accusing you of being unfaithful.

He claimed that you had found yourself in the arms of one of his enemies.

So you chose to leave. You told Izaya that you needed to better yourself. You needed to get away. You weren’t going anywhere or doing anything with your life being with him.

You were beginning to see that sticking around with him was the worst option.

He hated that he made you feel that way, but he couldn’t do anything about how he felt about himself. He hated that he had wanted to put you in that position. But you would have been better off without him.

“'Cause I don't wanna hurt you

But I know I will

And I'm looking for the reason

For the way I feel

I didn't wanna lose you

But if I'm being real

Then you're better off without me”

He could feel himself slipping away from you and that’s when he knew that he needed to do what he did. He knew that eventually he would hurt you worse than he had ever wanted too. Worse than just heartbreak.

But Izaya never truly understood why he felt that way. He didn’t know why he knew that he would hurt you. He just knew.

So in the note that he left you on your nightstand he said “You’re better off without me.”

And it was the worst thing he had ever written in his life. The worst thing he had ever said to someone. And he truly meant it. No one could change his mind. Your life meant more to him than his own.

“I never really fell in love until I met you

'Cause that day out at the cabin, I felt something special

3 a.m, vibing, drinking beer on the couch

Remember? I was scared to even cuddle with you”

Flashbacks of how you met filled his head, another swig from the beer bottle filled his throat. The small feeling of forgetting starting to take over. That’s all he wanted to do. These memories were too painful.

When you had come to the cabin with a couple of friends of his and they had introduced you, he hadn't expected to be obsessed. But he was.

Everyone had gone to sleep, the two of you had been the only ones left in the living room, and he had never been more nervous in his life.

You hadn’t hidden your attraction to him. You made it very obvious in the hours after you had met.

You had looked at the clock as you both drank the last of the beers that were sitting on the small coffee table. Three in the morning. The fire burned in the fireplace and your laughs filled the room.

Izaya couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way. The last time he had truly felt love.

Izaya had never been as nervous as he was right now. He was normally the tough guy. He had never had a problem showing affection for a woman he liked. But you were different.

You noticed his hesitation and went in yourself. Before you could even stop yourself, your body moved. You straddled his hips and pushed him back into the couch. Your lips pressing together as Izaya placed his hands on your hips. His fear almost instantly watching away.

“My heart's breaking 'cause I love you and I miss you

I'm thinking about the times where I'd cuddle and I'd kiss you

But I understand that I got a lot of issues

I just hope you know that it ain't easy to forget you”

Izaya shook his head, trying to get the memory to leave him. “Fuck.” He grasped the bottle tighter in his hand and down the last swig. “I miss her.”

Before he even realized what was happening the bottle soared from his hand, a scream leaving him at the same time.

A light switched on in the hallway and a figure appeared in the doorway of the living room. Namie had a sleepy, puzzled look on her face as she checked on her boss. “Izaya?”

Izaya rubbed his eyes and gave her a weak smile. “Everything’s fine Namie. Go back to bed.”

She gave him a worried look before turning back to head to her room. She knew better than to push Izaya when he was like this.

“I just-“ His voice was a whisper as he picked up his phone. He didn’t want to say anything else and have Namie come back out.

Izaya opened his messages, his finger instinctively finding your name and typed out a message he had never meant to send. Alcohol made him hit that button and made him throw his phone across the room after.

So when your phone lit up and you opened the message, your heart broke for him.

Izaya 💞 2:36am

I miss you so fucking much.

Taglist: @monic00l @strangeinternetwasteland @rowley-with-ackerman @kyu-pine @ellechanwrites @bonnisimpparker @impinthecloset @nikiniki743

©bakubabes-hatake’s original content, please do not repost/modify without my permission

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nashibirne · 3 years

Text

My Best Mistake

This is my first try of a Mike fic and I have to admit I haven't seen Hellraiser: Hellworld yet. So all I think to know about Mike is based on fics, gifs and pictures and maybe it's not that accurate but I hope you're gonna like it.

This one-shot was planned as pure smut and not much more but in the process of writing, it turned out to be something completely different. So Mike's not only managed to surprise my OFC but me too.

So here we go....

**************************

Pairing: Mike x OFC

Summary: Girl meets boy at a bar and he doesn't come up to her expectations.

Warnings: Mentioning of death and sex...a tiny little bit of smut at the end

Unbeta'ed. All mistakes are mine. English is not my first language so please expect bad grammar and spelling

Tags: @hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @willkatfanfromasia @inlovewithhisblueeyes @mis-lil-red @agniavateira

I know he is my next mistake the moment I see him coming through the door. It's not his good looks that tell me he's trouble. Not his tall, muscular body, not the cool clothes -Jeans, plain white T-shirt, black leather jacket-, not this very handsome face with the outstanding blue eyes or the thick, dark curls that invite me to run my hands through his hair. It's the smirk, the smug expression, the sly smile, the cockiness he exudes from every pore. This guy is pure swagger, sex on legs...call it what you want, but I'm hooked on him on first sight and I hate the fact that I'm so attracted to such a player, by the bad boy sex appeal he oozes.

When he enters the bar a group of boys and girls, who are sitting in a corner with cosy sofas and lounge chairs placed around a large round table, start cheering and yelling his name.

MIKE

He greets the guys with fist bumps and winks at the girls. Some of them blush under his gaze but none of them seems to be his girlfriend. When he starts telling his friends something that seems to be a longer story -judging by all the giggling of the girls and the laughter of his mates a very funny one- the whole group hangs on his every word. It's obvious that he loves being the center of attention. He knows how good looking and attractive he is, he knows he's the leader of the pack and he wants every single person in this bar to know it too. The physical reaction of my body to him is ridiculous and pathetic. I call myself a feminist, an emancipated woman but I still want this himbo with the caveman aura with every fibre of my body. I know this is a bad idea, I've had my fair share of trouble with this kind of fuckboys. They think they're the greatest but the sex is usually bad and over much too soon and afterwards they treat you like some kind of slut when in fact they are the man whores.

I look at my mobile to check the time. Where the fuck is Emma. We said we'd meet here at 9, now it's almost 9:30 and she's nowhere to be seen. I text her. "Where are you?"

No reaction. I think about leaving but I decide to give her another 15 minutes. I can't help but watch Mike and his friends again. They seem to have a good time. Lots of fun, lots of alcohol. Two girls are making out passionately and the guys applaud and whistle enthusiastically. This is so cliché-ridden, I roll my eyes.

Mike is sitting on the back of one of the sofas, watching the spectacle with a big grin, taking a sip from a bottle of beer from time to time. After a while he starts scanning the room and that's when our eyes meet. His gaze holds mine and when he gives me a wink and a smirk I know he's interested.

I'm not surprised. I know I'm pretty in a conventional way. The all american girl, long blonde hair, lovely face, great boobs, nice ass. It's nothing I'm proud of because I haven't done anything to achieve it. It was given to me by mother nature or god or genetics or whatever and to be honest I consider my looks quite boring, ordinary and replaceable. There are dozens of girls that look exactly like me. But guys like Mikey over there, they like this average kind of beauty. It's exactly what they want and what they get. He's the jock and I'm the cheerleader. He's the hot college athlete and I'm the queen bee. He's the hunter and I'm the prey. I've played this game many times before and I'm sick of it. It's not what I want. I don't want the jocks anymore. I want a smart guy, an intellectual, a feminist, a sophisticated, grown-up man who's interested in politics, arts, books. But that's not what I get because these guys are interested in the girls with an unconventional beauty, with a remarkable style. They want extraordinary women, smart women, independent women. Not a random bimbo like me.

I flinch when my phone starts to vibrate in my hand. It's Emma calling. Her car broke down and now she's waiting for the breakdown service. She won't make it.

I take a deep breath and try to ignore the guy at the other end of the bar who's been seeking my attention since the moment I've arrived.

I need to pee. I get up and head to the restrooms and I know Mike is watching me. I give him a flirtatious smile when I pass him and his friends and I can feel his gaze on my backside, lingering on my butt and my long legs.

When I return he waits for me. He leans against the bar casually, right beside the barstool with my jacket on it, a lopsided smile on his pretty face.

I know I should grab my things and leave but I don't. There's something about the way he looks me up and down that turns me on. And there's something in his eyes that makes me wonder if I misjudged him. If I was being led on by my own prejudices.

I sit down and give him a quick look before I lower my eyes. That's the game. He's going to make the first move. Or at least he wants to be given the feeling that he is.

"Hi. I'm Mike." he says and I turn to him. His smile is bright and very confident.

I smile back and bat my long lashes. "Hi. I'm Sarah. Nice to meet you, Marc."

"No, it's Mike." he says, leaning in to make me understand him better. He's very close now. "Mike. Like in Magic Mike." he says with a smirk. His lips are amazing.

"Oh. I see." I giggle and I hate that I know how to play this game so damn well.

"So why is a beauty like you sitting at the bar in a place like this all on her own?"

"I was waiting for my friend, but her car broke down so she can't make it."

"So you need someone to keep you company, huh." Mike asks and he cocks his head looking at me like a lost puppy.

"Actually I was just about to leave." I say with a fake-shy smile.

"Great idea." He reaches into the pocket of his jacket, gets out some bills and places them on the bar beside my empty glass of beer. "Let's go." He takes my hand and tries to drag me from my chair. I can't help but laugh.

"This is crazy. I don't even know you. Why would I leave with you?"

"Because you need a good adventure and some fun. I can see the sadness in your eyes. I can take it away."

I'm speechless for a moment. How does he know this? There is this sadness deep inside of me but I'm sure it doesn't show in my eyes because no one has ever told me before. In all the time that's passed since my dad died nobody has realized that I'm still mourning.

"Come with me."

"You could be a serial killer." I say though I already know that I'm going to leave with him.

"I'm not. You can trust me."

Strangely enough that's exactly what I do.

"What about your friends?"

"They can do without me. And they're not really my friends." He shrugs.

"And what are they?"

"Just...people I know and hang out with." Mike says and it sounds like a question.

I hop off my chair and put on my jacket.

"Ok then...let's go."

****

I hesitate when we're standing in front of his pick-up truck.

"What's wrong." Mike looks at me.

"What about 'Don't drink and drive'?" I say with a frown.

"Don't worry. I've only had lite beer. Alcohol-free."

I snort. "Guys like you don't drink lite beer."

"Guys like me?"

I don't know how to answer and just shrug.

"See, I don't know what you think to know about 'guys like me', but I lost my best friend to that kind of shit. He caused an accident when he was drunk and he and two other people died. So I don't drink when I drive." A sad look crosses his face for a split second.

"That's dreadful. I'm sorry."

Now Mike's the one who shrugs it off and I know now how he's detected my sadness. He hides just the same feelings.

"Hop on." He says grinning and I obey.

Minutes later we're heading down the freeway right into sunset.

"Where are we going?" I like his truck, it's surprisingly tidy and somehow cosy.

"I don't know. Where do you want to go?"

He gives me a smile and starts fumbling with the radio until some music starts playing. It's 'Promise me' by Badflower. God, I love this song. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.

"You said you can take away the sadness."

"You want me to make you happy?" His smirk is lewd and oh so sexy. I bite my lip.

"So this is just about sex?" I ask a little disappointed. "You took me away from the bar just for sex? We could have had that in the parking lot or in the restrooms."

Mike seems to be surprised. "You would have fucked me in the restrooms?"

I roll my eyes before turning away to stare out of the window.

"Hey, I was just teasing you. Don't be mad." He touches my arm gently and when I look at him he gives me those puppy dog eyes again and I can't help but laugh.

"So where are you taking me, Mike?"

"You really want to forget about that sadness?"

"What I want is peace of mind." I say with a deep sigh.

"Then I know just the perfect place." He smiles at me and gives my cheek a tender stroke before he hits the gas and we race into the night.

20 minutes later Mike turns off the freeway onto a small dirt road where he parks the truck. We get out of the car and I take a look around. We're in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but trees and darkness. I start doubting my sanity. Is this really a good idea? I have no clue where I am, actually no one besides Mike knows where I am, and I'm with a complete stranger plus I have no idea what he's up to. And yet I feel good. Reckless and excited. Maybe this is some kind of subconscious death wish. I hear Mike rustling on the backseat. He's stuffing something into a sports bag and I hope it's not his serial killer basic equipment.

"Come on, Sarah. Let's go." He takes my hand and I follow him though I know I shouldn't.

"Where are we? Where are we going, Mike?"

"Into the void." He answers without looking at me. Instead he gives my hand a tender squeeze and I get goosebumps all over my body.

A few minutes later we're standing in front of a large chain-link fence that's topped with barbed wire.

"What now?"

Mike grins at me and starts searching through the bag. He rakes out a large tool.

"Now we get in."

"Wait? Is that a bolt cutter?"

"Sure, or would you prefer to climb?"

"Mike, there's a big sign that says "No trespassing". We can't do this. What if we get caught?" I start to panic. "This is illegal."

Mike doesn't seem to be impressed by my objections. He starts cutting the fence calmly and skillfully and it dawns on me that he doesn't do this for the first time.

"Mike!" I tug on his jacket. "Stop it. This is insane. We're gonna get arrested."

He stops and turns around to face me.

"I'm already done. Don't worry, baby. I know who's the owner of the land. He's not in town. It's gonna be alright." He leans in and gives me a sweet kiss. No tongue. All I feel is his gorgeous lips and the heat that arises within me. It's a tender kiss. Gentle but also sexy. Innocent but yet promising.

He pulls away and smirks before he turns to the fence and holds the make-shift gate, that he has cut into it, open for me.

"Come on."

I hesitate but finally I squeeze through the hole. He shoulders the bag and follows me. After only a few minutes of walking down a beaten path we hear rustling sounds and footsteps.

"Stop! Whoever is there. Stop. Now!"

We stop in our tracks and Mike drags me down. We crouch behind a large bush and he lays his index finger on my lips to shush me.

Flashlight shines through the darkness and the footsteps come closer. I stare at Mike, scared and bewildered.

"You said the owner's not around." I whisper as quietly as possible.

"That's not the owner. It's security." Mike whispers back.

"Security? What the fuck, Mike... "

"I promised you adventure." He gives me a wink and I wonder how he manages to stay so calm when we're just about to get arrested or worse.

"Who's there? This is private property. Get out."

The voice is close now.

Mike takes my hand and brings his mouth close to my ear. "Get up and run." he whispers. "On three." I have no time to contradict.

He squeezes my hand. One. Two. Three.

We get up and start to run. Into the forest. Into the darkness. Into our adventure.

"Hey!" Security guy yells at us and we can hear that he's trying to follow us but we're too fast for him. We run like a bat out of hell, pushing through the undergrowth. After a few minutes, when we're sure that we've shaken off our pursuer, we stop and lean against a large tree, panting and completely out of breath. I haven't felt so alive in years.

We look at each other and we burst out laughing frantically.

"You're fast for a girl." Mike says, still laughing.

"College track- and field team. I'm fast and strong. Is that a problem?" I say with a big grin.

"No. I like strong women." He gives me a wink.

I flinch when I hear a branch break behind us. "Do you think he will keep looking for us?"

Mike shakes his head. "Nope. He doesn't get paid enough to make such kind of extra efforts. He's already back on his perch, watching porn on his cell, eating donuts and drinking beer. Believe me."

I cock my head and look at him with a frown. "How can you be so sure?"

Mike wiggles his eyebrows but I get no answer.

"Come on. It's still a few minutes to go."

The few minutes turn out to be at least half an hour. I'm just about to complain when we reach a big glade and suddenly we have a clear view of a big, dark lake that is surrounded by the woods from three sides. The clearing we've just reached is the only way to approach this beautiful stretch of water. Moonlight illuminates the dreamlike scene. I'm amazed.

"Wow. This is fantastic."

Mike just smiles at me and starts to flatten out a large blanket that must have been in his bag.

"Come. Sit with me."

I plop down right beside him. My arms wrapped around my knees I stare at the smooth surface of the dark waters. It calms me down immediately. Mike sits beside me, his long legs stretched out. We don't speak and we are surrounded by complete silence. There are no sounds. No traffic noise, no birds twittering, no wind that rustles through the trees. Only our soft breathing that soothes me even further. This is the kind of peace I've been looking for for so long. I lay down on my back and look at the sky. There are no clouds but what seems to be a million stars. We're literally lying under the Milky Way.

"This is beyond beautiful." I whisper after a while. Mike lays down beside me. He takes my hand but he keeps looking at the starlit sky.

"I know. It's my secret place. I go here often when my thoughts get too loud. It calms me down. That's why I thought it might give you some peace of mind."

"It does." I turn to look at him. "So who's the owner?"

He gives me a cheeky smile. "My father."

"Are you kidding me?" I start laughing.

"No. He's a lumber merchant, owns a lumber mill and a lot of land. These woods are his assets."

"Then why the fuck did we have to creep through a hole in the fence and run away from the security guy?" I shake my head in disbelief.

"Well, let's just say we don't get along so well lately."

"What happened?"

"I threw a huge party in one of his cabins in the woods. It got a little out of hand and ended with a forest fire, a report to the police and lots of trouble."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah." Mike starts laughing. "Biggest pile of shit I've ever caused. So now I have to sneak in to visit my favorite places. And this lake is the best of all."

"Yes. It's beautiful. So dark and enchanted somehow but not frightening. It's simply..."

"Romantic?" Mike looks me in the eyes and butterflies start flapping their wings in my belly.

"Yes." Is all I'm able to whisper.

Mike clears his throat and recites a poem I've never heard before.

"Along the shore the cloud waves break,

The twin suns sink beneath the lake,

The shadows lengthen

In Carcosa.

Strange is the night where black stars rise,

And strange moons circle through the skies,

But stranger still is

Lost Carcosa.

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,

Where flap the tatters of the King,

Must die unheard in

Dim Carcosa.

Song of my soul, my voice is dead;

Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed

Shall dry and die in

Lost Carcosa."

"This is beautiful." I say surprised. "What's it called?"

"It's from the book 'The King in Yellow" by Robert W. Chambers. The poem's called "Cassilda's Song""

"You're interested in literature and poetry?" I've really misjudged this guy.

"Well, to be honest, this place from the poem -Carcosa- it's mentioned in 'True Detective'. The TV show. You know it?"

"No, I don't." I shake my head.

"Really? It's a must-see. Matthew Mc Conaughey, Woody Harrelson. We can binge it tomorrow at my place. If you want to."

"Sure."

"Well, anyway...I was kind of fascinated by this Carcosa thing and I looked it up on google and I found out about Chamber's book and then I read it and I really love it because it so morbid and dark and beautiful and especially Cassilda's Song reminds me of this place so much. This is my Carcosa. Dark, lost and strange but peaceful and soothing at the same time. It's good and bad, dark and light, sadness and joy. Like me."

His voice is barely a whisper now and I suddenly have a lump in my throat. The sadness in his eyes is killing me and I can see that he's close to tears.

I smile at him and touch his cheek. He turns to me and we kiss. Long, slow kisses. Sloppy. Sexy. Sensual. Intense. When we make love later that night on that itchy blanket under a sky full of stars, I know I've been wrong. When I scratch my nails into his back when he makes me come, when he sighs my name when he gets off, when we talk for hours afterwards, cuddled up to each other, waiting for the sunrise, making plans for the new day, I know he's the best mistake I've ever made.

#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fanfic #mike hellraiser #mike x ofc #mike hellraiser x ofc

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kindnessisweakness · 3 years

Text

YOU WERE A BET -- Part 2!!

I had a lovely person message me and ask for a part 2 so here it is! Hope you enjoy!

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Tears burned behind my eyes as I tried to hold them in. Rushing around what was mine and Angels shared room I tried to pack 2 years worth of belongings into my suitcase. Quickly ripping my clothes from the hangers in the wardrobe, I could care less if they broke, I needed to get out of here. A small thud made me stop in my tracks. Turning to throw the clothes in my hands on to the bed I reached down to pick up the small box. I couldn't stop the sob that wracked through me as I opened the lid. Photos stared up at me, almost mocking me with their happy smiles. 2 years worth of momentos filled this box. Cinema tickets, concert passes and funfair wristbands littered the top of the red felt lining. She kept all of them as a keepsake. Memories were important. Something to remember her and Angels time together. This box used to make her smile fondly when she opened it. Made her fill with love and think how lucky she was to have a boyfriend like Angel. Now all it did was fill her heart with pain and her eyes with tears. How could it have all been fake? How could he do this to her? Everyone told her she was foolish for believing he would want her. She felt foolish now. Embarrassed even. She let her heart rule her head. Let Angel fill it with hope and sweet nothing's. And here she was left holding the baby, just like her mother said she would be. Pulling a photo from the box she couldn't help the faint smile that spread over her lips. It was one of her favourite memories of their relationship. Bonfire night at the clubhouse. The first one Angel convinced her to attend. She could hear his voice now. "Come on, Mi Dulce. You'll love it." Glancing at there shared bed she remembered just how easy it was for him to convince her. To make her weak and pull her under. He was right, she did love it. Wrapped in a blanket sat in Angels lap, mug of hot coco warming her hands has they laughed watching coco and Gilly argue over who was going to set the first firework off. EZ Worriedly shouting about safety precautions as they fought over the lighter. That was the first time Angel told her he loved her, surrounded by the club and family as the fireworks went off. Letty captured the meaningful moment of them kissing as blue and green fireworks exploded in the background. And to think, all that happiness was a lie. It's all over.

Angel quickly paced back and forth in front of the clubhouse bar. "What am I gonna do?" Ez shook his head as he looked at his brother in disgust. "I knew you were fucked up, but not this bad". Angel sneered at him "Sorry Ezekeiel not all of us can be the favourite. You don't know what it's like to always be second choice. To have nobody be proud of you-" Ez cut him off fire in his eyes as he slammed Angel back in to the bar, Y/Ns cake falling to the floor. "You fucking had that! Y/N always chose you! You fucked up and threw away the best thing that ever happened to you! Stop the self pity and grow the fuck up Angel. All this shit about me being mom and dad's favourite, you can't keep using it as an excuse to justify your shitty behaviour". Bending down Ez picked up the scan photo that lay on the floor among the crushed chocolate cake. Handing the photo to Angel he looked sadly at his brother. "You're gonna be a good dad Angel, a family of your own is all you've ever wanted. Go and grovel and get your girl back. You can fix this." Smiling at his brother Angel held the scan photo tight and headed towards the door. Felipe's voice made Angel Pause. "Don't fuck it up Angel. You'll regret it for the rest of your life"

Pulling the zip of the suitcase shut I tried to lift it from the bed. After a few minutes of struggling I managed to get the case on the floor. Quickly pulling the uncomfortable dress off i changed into a pair of grey sweats and a baggy hoodie. I had a long drive ahead of me and needed to be comfy. Placing the memory box on the bed I grabbed the suitcase and headed for the door. Pulling it closed behind me I headed towards my car. My heart felt heavy. I remember when Angel asked me to move in. He was so nervous it was adorable.

{Flashback}

Laying on my side I sighed as I watched Angel sleep peacefully. I hated when I stayed over when I had work the next morning. I had to get up 2 hours earlier so I could drive home shower and pick up my work things. Groaning quietly I pulled myself from the warm bed, grabbing my clothes from the floor. A squeal left my lips in Suprise as a hand shot out pulling me back on the bed. Laughter left my lips as Angels form appeared above me. He looked so good, even when he's just woken up. How is that possible? I'm pretty sure I look like a homeless woman right now. "Don't go baby. Stay in bed with me. Call in sick" he begged as he pressed kisses to my neck. "As tempting as that is I have to go home to get ready for work." Sighing he lay back on the bed as he watched me get ready to leave in silence. "Will I see you tonight? Your gonna stay over again yeah?" He broke the silence. I shook my head disappointed. " No sorry baby I have a meeting to prep for tomorrow. Plus I have an even earlier start so id have to leave early hours of the morning so I could go home and get ready." Angel fell silent again as I packed my overnight bag back up. I could feel him watching me as I moved around the room. Zipping the bag closed I turned to Angel. Leaning over him I placed a kiss on his forehead "bye baby I'll see you in a couple of days". Angel wrapped his arms around me tightly. "Stay. Move in with me." Pulling back to look him in the eyes I was suprised. "Seriously?" Smiling wide Angel nodded. "I want you here with me baby. All the time. I hate it when you leave and I have to come home to an empty bed. I hate going days without seeing you. Please baby. I want nothing more than to have you live with me. I want to come home to you every day." Nervousness crossed his face as I stayed silent. "Y-you don't have to decide n-now. I-i-it was j-just an idea. F-forget I said anythi-" I've never seen angel so worried before. I cut him off a smile spreading over my lips. "Ofcourse baby. I'd love to take that next step with you!" Grinning Angel opened his bedside draw. "I already got you a key cut" his cheeks tinged pink as I giggled.

The sound of an engine cut the happy memory short. Unlocking my car I opened the boot just as Angel pulled into the driveway. My chest constricted painfully as I made eye contact with him. God, i dread to think what I look like from all the crying. "Wait Y/N don't leave! Talk to me!" Scoffing as I tried to lift the heavy suitcase into the boot of my car. The heavy bag fell to the floor as I failed. Angel was quick to grab the handle of the case, stopping me from leaving. "Talk to you? Why would I want to talk to you? You and me are done Angel. You won your bet. Games over!" Shaking his head Angel broke down. " No, No you have to listen! Yes it all started as a bet. But I love you! You have to believe me. You were always too good for me. Youre fucking amazing and so smart. I was fucking terrified to admit I liked you. Coco and Gilly could see through me. That's why they bet me, they knew I hate to turn down a challenge. Fuck I've never looked at another girl twice since I took you on that first date. Ask Vikki I've not been anywhere near her house of whores since we got together. You're it for me Y/N" his eyes were rimmed red from all the crying and Y/Ns heart broke seeing him like this. "Don't leave me. please. Your the best thing that ever happened to me" pulling the scan photo from his pocket he have Y/N a teary smile. "And this is the second best thing. You're my world Y/N. I want nothing more than to be a family. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for this. Just give me a chance." Angel was all but on his knees begging. "This isn't how I expected this reveal party to go. I feel like everything has been a lie. How do I know this isn't another game? How do I know your telling the truth?" Shaking her head y/N rubbed the falling tears from her cheeks . "I think it's best if we give eachother some space. I'll be in touch about doctors appointments and checkups. I won't keep you from your child Angel." Lifting her case into the boot successfully this time y/N made her way to the drivers side. With one Last look towards a broken Angel she climbed in and drove away. Angel sobbed like a child as he watched the love of his life and unborn child drive away. With one Last look towards the dark sky Angel did the one thing be hasn't done in years. Putting his hands together he fell to his knees.

"Please mum. I need to make it right. Give me another opportunity to hold her and I'll never mess it up again" Angel prayed hard to his mum for forgiveness, guidance and hope for his little family to be together again.

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Well guys there it is! I have an idea for part 3! Let me know what you think. Hope you liked it!

#angel reyes x reader #fanfiction #mayans mc imagine #angel reyes #mayans imagine

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charliedawn · 3 years

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Imagine you're another being with the "shinning" and hunted by Rose Hat and her gang. Part 1.(my version of Doctor Sleep. Warning : gore. Horror movie. Also, you're a bad a**. 😉😂)

Little Danny loved to explore the hotel, he liked to think that it was an adventure. This is why that when the door of room 374 mysteriously opened on its own, he found himself inside before he could think about the consequences of his action. He looked around, it didn't seem any different from any other room, besides the fact that there was a huge mirror in the center of it. He approaches it and, finding his reflection funny, started making weird faces in front of it. However, his reflection quickly distorted, showing a little girl who was crying instead. Danny was a very curious little boy, and like many little boys as curious as him, he wanted to investigate. He sat on the ground and stared at the girl that hadn't noticed him yet and couldn't help but find her pretty. When she raised her eyes, they immediately made contact with the ones of Danny that smiled sympathetically at her.

" Why are you crying?"

He asked and she sniffled.

" My sister..She's done some terrible things..But I don't know what to do.."

He stared at the mirror for a moment before raising his index to his ear and whispered.

" What should I do, Tony ? She seems scared.."

The little girl raises an eyebrow at his strange gesture, but didn't interrupt him as he replied in another voice.

" I think she needs a friend.."

The boy smiled and nodded vividly in agreement before turning towards the girl again.

" Tony says I should probably be your friend. My name is Danny. What's yours ?"

The girl laughed a little before replying.

" Y/N..Where are you right now ?"

You asked, looking around him with a small frown. He seemed to be in some sort hotel..But, something felt off.

" I'm with my mom and my dad. We came here for his job.."

But, Danny didn't seem too happy about it and you decided to step a little closer to the mirror.

" You see bad things too.."

You said knowingly and Danny nodded frantically.

" I see them too.."

His eyes widened at your confession and he quickly asked.

" Really ? What do you see ?"

You seemed to look around, making sure that no one could hear you before leaning in and whispering.

" My sister..She has someone else with her, someone bad and that tells her what she has to do. This morning, she killed our dog..This is why I'm sad. The more the bad lady stays, the more my sister seems to change..I'm afraid that she will do something awful to my parents.."

Danny listened and put his thumb in his mouth, the only this that seemed to calm him down when he was worried or upset about something. He was afraid that you would find his odd behavior strange, but you only smiled before putting a strand of your hair in your mouth: your own calming process. He slowly took his thumb out and shared his own struggles.

" My father wanted to come here..but the hotel is bad. There are very bad things happening around and I'm afraid that he is going to hurt us.."

In a way, you both understood each other's struggles..But before you could talk more about it, you heard the voice of your sister calling you and freezed. She entered the room and her eyes were immediately drawn to the mirror. She smiled maliciously before standing in front of the glass.

" And who might you be, huh ?"

She asked, but Danny was too scared to speak..He had seen the old woman standing above her and her face suddenly distorted at the realization. She grimaced in anger and screamed.

" Get out of my house !"

The force of the scream was such that it send Danny flying against a wall. The connection stopped and Danny was on the verge of crying when he suddenly heard a door creak. He slowly turned his head towards the bathroom and his eyes widened as he saw someone in the bathtub. He stood up and seemed to be drawn in by the bathroom. He wanted to get out, but couldn't help walking forward, the door closing behind him..

A few years later :

You are walking towards the nearby cinema, unaware that you are being followed. You step in the cinema and buy a ticket before sitting down in one of the comfortable chairs of the dark room. There are other people, a blond girl and a man in his forties. You don't have to wonder about their relationship as the man puts his hand on the girl's thigh. You grimace and try to take a better look at the girl that seemed awfully young..You sigh loudly before looking up at the screen. They had entered together..maybe you were reading too much into this ? However, when you hear the small noises of pain, you stand up, ready to take the girl's hand and run..But imagine your surprise when you see that the moans of pain were coming from the man. You stay speechless, but quickly sit back down, looking at the girl that is whispering things in his ear, things that make the man physically shake. You look around, wondering if anyone else had noticed. Nobody seems to notice what's unfolding, only two people that seem to fix the girl with envy and..something else. You shiver as the eyes of the woman seem to stare straight at you. However, you pretend being as oblivious as everyone else by stuffing yourself with popcorn, making her grimace in disgust and look away promptly. At the end of the movie, you nearly run out of the cinema and enter the bus quickly. You see the two persons following..the blond girl from the cinema. She seems scared and you take multiple shaky breaths before running out of the bus. You curse yourself as you run past the two creeps to take the arm of the girl and put on your best fake smile.

" Hi girl ! The movie was sooo good, don't you think ?!"

The blond one frowns in incomprehension, but quickly understands when you significantly tilt your head backwards. She nods and smiles even wider before playing the game.

" I know ! I'm so sorry to have left you, but I really thought my date would show up !"

You glance backwards and see that the two have disappeared..But you don't feel like leaving the girl alone and whisper.

" My house is a few blocks away..You can hide there for a bit, just to make sure the two weirdos are truly gone.."

She looks back as well and finally nods in agreement. You arrive and lock the door behind you. You then turn towards the blond that is looking around curiously. You smile and look through the window to observe the street.

" Do you have any friends or family around here that you can stay at for the night ?"

You ask and the girl looks at her shoes sheepishly and shakes her head.

" No..I'm alone."

You feel her uneasiness and gaze back at her with a small reassuring smile.

" Don't worry, you can stay the night if you want. But, as I'm supposed to leave tomorrow..I need to know if you have anywhere to go ? A shelter maybe ? Do you want me to call child services ?"

At the mention of the latter, the girl looks up at you with frightened eyes and shakes her head negatively.

" No ! You won't take me there ! You'll allow me to stay here !"

The way she says it almost sounds like an order and you can see that she is trying to use the same trick on you than she did with the older man..but it doesn't work and you only sigh loudly.

" Fine. As I said, you can stay the night. But, tomorrow, I will be going to New Hampshire, so you better find something until then."

She slowly nods and you then make a sign for her to follow you. You open the guest room and she enters. She sits on the bed and seems happy enough. You smile and are about to tell her goodnight when she surprises you by telling you her name:

" Andi. My name is Andi."

You just realize now that you hadn't even asked for her name..You smile and respond.

" I'm Y/N."

Then you close the door and go to your own room.

The next day :

You wake up and get ready before preparing your breakfast. You enter Andi's room, but only find a neatly made bed. You feel a bit sad at the fact that she didn't even say goodbye..but that quickly goes away when you see that you are missing 20 dollars.

" Son of a..!"

You curse and sigh again..Well, it could have been worse. You take your car keys and get inside your car. You start driving towards New Hampshire while following a map. You are supposed to have an interview for the local newspaper and also..You kinda want to get away from the city for a while, too many entities there. You only stop halfway to get your sandwiches out of your bag. You search for through your stuff, but suddenly feel something moving on the backseat. You freeze and your brain starts gathering all the possible explanations..A raccoon ? A spirit ?..You wait and finally, a familiar fair-haired head peeks out from underneath a blanket.

"...Hey."

She greets you with an awkward smile and a small wave of her hand. You can't believe that she 1) actually slept through more than half of the road and 2) that she followed you ! Your shock passed6, you pinch the bridge of your nose in exasperation and ask on an intransigent tone.

" Andi. What are you doing here ?"

She doesn't answer, she just looks ahead with widened eyes and you grit your teeths..Is she actually ignoring you right now ?! You are about to start yelling when she points towards the road ahead. You sigh, but still look and your eyes widen as well when you see who is driving the small van ahead of you..the guys who was following Andi yesterday ! He seems to be following a young boy now. Your blood boils in your veins at the prospect that they were now actually attacking small children.

" Andi. Seat belt."

You say warningly, your hand gripping the steering wheel with such intensity that your knuckles turn white. Andi doesn't wait for you to ask twice and quickly buckles her seat belt. You see that the boy is about to get inside the car and suddenly hit the gas. You had a feeling, a feeling that this boy would never see the light of day again if you didn't stop them. You drive straight ahead and collide with van full force, continuing advancing even afterwards. You make them drive backwards and you glare straight into the other driver's eyes. He seems shocked at first, but when he recognizes you, he smiles. You grit your teeths and yell while raising your middle finger.

" Yeah ! Keep smiling, a**h*le !"

The boy is far away now. He will be able to get back to his parents safely. Andi doesn't scream, but can feel the anger radiating from you. The van drives away as well, and the front of your car may be in a disastrous state, but you don't care. When you're calm enough, you lean back against your seat and look back at Andi, making sure that she is alright.

" Everything's fine ?"

She nods affirmatively before looking at you with concern written all over her features.

" I know that they are creeps but..Wasn't it a bit too much ?"

You close your eyes and remember the screams of agony of a little girl that you had heard a few months ago..You don't know why, but the screams had suddenly reappeared in your head as you had seen the two individuals following Andi yesterday, and even louder with this kid. It is now your alarm when bad thing are about to happen. You hear the screams of this girl that seemed in such pain when she died..You had ran to get to her, but by the time you had arrived, she had disappeared completely. This is another one of the reasons why you had decided to leave your old town. You take a big breath before driving forward.

" You have to trust me on this. They deserved it."

You say confidently and Andi doesn't add anything. She only looks out the window silently for the rest of the way. When you finally arrive, you stop in front of a weird-looking house with dark-tinted windows and a bright red door. You had already seen it of course, but Andi hadn't. She pouts when she sees it and whines.

"Is that really where you're going to live ?"

You ark an eyebrow at the pronoun she uses and cough loudly for her to turn her attention towards you.

" Where WE are going to live, you mean ? You really think I'm going to let you go with those people out there ? Not in a million years. You stay with me, Missy. That you like it or not.."

Her eyes widen, but she quickly smiles excitedly.

" You mean it ?! I promise that I won't steal money from you again ! And I'll even give your watch back !"

" Yeah yeah..Don't get used to it though, as soon as the creeps are definitely off our backs, I'm finding you someone else to take care of you..Wait, what do you mean by giving my watch back ?!"

She smiles awkwardly and you look at your naked wrist and roll your eyes before extending your hand.

" Come on. Give it."

She immediately gets it out and gives it back to you with an apologetic smile. You both get out, and she even helps you with the luggage.

" No more stealing. I'll have a job and I'm sure it'll pay enough for the both of us."

She doesn't answer right away, but you suddenly turn around and wait with your arms crossed expectantly. She finally rolls her eyes and replies with her gaze lowered to the floor.

" Yes, "mom"."

You gasp in fake offense at her insinuation and she looks up at you with a small smirk.

" That's it, young lady. Come on. Get inside and tomorrow, I'll be sure to walk around and see if any schools can accept you. There is no way I'm leaving a fifteen-year old roam the street."

She seems to disapprove and says on an authorative tone, crossing her arms as well.

" I'm not going. In fact, you'll forget ever asking me to do so.."

She tries to use her powers on you again, but you resist her and sigh before entering the house. You don't answer her and she frowns, upset. However, she still enters after you and is agreeably surprised by the interior that is a lot prettier than the outside. You smile at her awed expression, however, you aren't that pleased to be back in this house..

" Home sweet home.."

You still remember how you thought that the walls were full of secrets and that the seemed to be whispering in your ears..They had warned you of what would happen, but you were only a child..What could you have done ? Andi gets you out of your thoughts by groaning loudly.

" I'm hungry.."

You sigh, of course she is..

" Okay, the money you stole from my wallet ? It was supposed to be used for buying groceries once here."

She looks at her shoes almost guiltily before admitting.

" I was hungry this morning..I used it to by a box of donuts and a milkshake.."

You want to be mad..but you can't. You only take out your wallet and open the door. She quickly follows you and you start walking, searching for a shop. You soon find one at the corner of a nearby street and enter. You start looking around for decent prices while Andy starts piling up sugary sweets upon sugary sweet in the...You turn in the soups alley and Andi grimaces in disgust at nearly every single soup on the shelves. You finally take some, ignoring Andi's complaining. You see that the last tomato soup is on sale and are about to take it when another hand shots up to get it. You turn towards the owner of the hand and see an Indian man with a nice smile. He gives you the soup while apologizing.

" My bad, you spot it first."

You smile back politely and take it. You are about to turn around and go when the man introduces himself while extending your hand towards you.

" I'm Billy. Billy Freeman."

You finally shake his hand with a small smile and nod in acknowledgement before replying.

" I'm Y/N. And this girl here is Andi."

However, the man frowns in confusion before looking behind you.

" Hum..Andi ?"

You turn around and see that Andi is gone. You sigh loudly before groaning.

" This girl I swear.."

You then flash your best apology smile towards Billy.

" It was a pleasure, Billy. But, I need to go."

You start walking towards the cashier, but Billy follows you before adding.

" Wait. I'll search with you."

You are about to refuse, but finally nod in agreement. You need all the help you can get to find the girl, hoping that one of those creepy guys didn't get to her first..You shiver just as the thought and feel the adrenaline rushing through your veins as you start yelling.

" Andi ! Andi ! Where are you ?!"

Billy calls her as well, but you finally have to go through the cashier.

" Please, I lost my...sister. Her name is Andi. Can you call her ?"

The lady only nods before making the call. You stay here, biting your nails out of frustration. One minute, and Andi had disappeared. You don't want admit it, but you like the blond midget. You don't want anything to happen to her until you find her a family or help in any case..Suddenly, the woman smiles and tilts her head towards one of the aisles where two individuals had just gotten out of. One is Andi, munching grumpily on a handful of crisps while the other person, a man, drags her forward. You sigh in relief before running towards them.

" Thank God ! Andi ! I was worried !"

She only rolls her eye dramatically before continuing eating, but you can see that she feels guilty when she whispers.

" Yeah..Sorry.."

You look up to thank the man that had found her and freeze on thee spot when your eyes meet. Somehow, you have this feeling to have already seen him somewhere.. However, he doesn't seem to feel the same way as he only smiles before tilting his head towards Andi.

" You're the sister of the little demon ?"

He asks with a small smile and you nod with a slight smile as well. He extends his hand towards you and you shake it accordingly. However, the moment your hand is in his, you feel as if electricity is coursing through your entire body. He seems to feel it too this time as he immediately steps away with a small frown of incomprehension. However, before you could say anything, Billy appears and takes him by the shoulders in a friendly way.

" Hey, Danny ! I see that you've met the new members !"

Danny ? The name is as familiar as the face, but Danny only shakes his head with a shy smile.

" Yeah. Just found the girl and decided to do a good deed..But, I have to come back to work. I'll see you around."

You don't know who he is addressing those last words too, but you still reply.

" I hope so.."

He looks one last time at you before leaving and suddenly, memories flash in your brain that makes you scream in agony in front of everyone. Andi is by your side in and instant and tries to calm you down, but you feel a painful pang in your chest. You open your eyes wide and feel as if you can't breathe..You thought you had locked her up..But, one glance at Danny, and your old demon got out of his prison. You feel cold arms around your neck as she whispers in your ear.

" hello, sister.."

End of part 1! Tell me what you think!

#danny x reader #doctor sleep #fanfic #imagine #fandoms #danny torrance

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catgirltoofies · 2 years

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Bebe Causes Problems: The Sleepover

all of the girls were doing quite well in both school and their magical girl duties, so sayaka decided she was going to host a big sleepover party and invite the holy quintet - obviously giving mami a +1 for bebe. there was a buzz of excitement between the girls over the week, as the party was going to be held over the weekend.

bebe LOVES parties. unfortunately, because she's a witch, the only parties she can really be a part of are the ones that are made up only of magical girls. so the girls are sure to host little parties with just the quintet so bebe doesn't get left out.

in mami's house, the week went about as normal, even after mami told bebe about the upcoming party. bebe was excited, of course, but also a little nervous, because she had never been to a sleepover before. she had slept at others' homes, sure, but never as part of something like a party. she decided to stew in her feelings, and not have mami worry about her.

finally, the day came, and shortly after lunch (macaroni and cheese), mami took bebe and left for sayaka's house. bebe liked sayaka, and liked kyoko even more, and she definitely liked sayaka's house, so everything was off to a great start in her eyes. when mami and bebe got there, homura was already there but madoka had not arrived yet. sayaka welcomed the magical girl and the witch into her home, and whispered something to mami that bebe didn't hear.

the girls couldn't start the party until madoka got there, so bebe, after being set free by mami, started wandering around the house, as she would do at home. she was just notably more careful not to touch or chew on anything. it wasn't long before madoka arrived and the party could start in earnest, and bebe could finally have something to do.

the first thing the girls did was play some card games. bebe was no good at playing card games, but she did quite enjoy watching. because she didn't understand the rules, she didn't know when to cheer on mami or not, so her presence didn't disrupt the game. they played for a few hours, and then decided to include bebe in a new game - Scrabble.

now, I've said before, but I'll repeat - bebe is very good at Scrabble. truthfully, she cheats. she puts nonsense words down, and nobody wants to tell her they're not real words. at least not usually. sayaka and homura excused themselves to make dinner, bringing the player count to 4.

"Bebe! Gubja is not a word!"

"gubja means! uh!"

"See! You don't even know!"

"Kyoko, calm down, it's just a game."

"gubja is a big piece of cheese!"

kyoko stood up and stormed off. bebe looked down at her letters thoughtfully.

"is kyoko okay? should bebe apologize?"

"No, bebe, I think you should stay here. Madoka, can you go talk to Kyoko for me? I'll talk to bebe."

madoka nodded and went to follow kyoko. bebe looked up at mami and frowned.

"is bebe in trouble?"

"No, but I think you should stop playing Scrabble with words that aren't real. If you want, we can start teaching you some more words later?"

"bebe loves school time!"

mami smiled and patted the head of the little witch. sayaka poked a head into the room.

"Is everything okay in here? I heard Kyoko shout something..."

"Yes, Sayaka, everything is okay now. Madoka is talking to Kyoko, and I've talked to bebe. There was a... disagreement, but I think it's done now."

Sayaka nodded. "Well, we'll have salads ready in a few minutes, so if you could tell the others dinner is soon, that'd be great."

Mami nodded and stood up. Kyoko and Madoka returned, and Kyoko was fuming quite a lot less than before. She looked down at bebe, who was hiding behind the coffee table.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you, bebe. I shouldn't have gotten upset."

bebe looked up from her hiding spot. "bebe is sorry too, kyoko. she will try not to play fake words anymore."

Kyoko went over and picked the witch up in a hug. "Now, how's dinner? I'm starving!"

the girls went to the kitchen, where sayaka and homura were making dinner. soup was boiling on the stove, and there was a delicious smell coming from the oven. there was also a great bowl of salad on the counter, just waiting to be eaten.

the girls all had a wonderful and delicious dinner, and to relax before bed, decided to watch a few movies. sayaka had a great collection of movies to choose from, so the group chose three to watch for the night. it took about half an hour for bebe to get bored of the first one, so she wandered off to find something more interesting to do.

bebe managed to find her way into the kitchen. she knew she was supposed to be careful of the oven, and she knew to be a little careful of the fridge. but she was also incessantly curious! so she went right up to the fridge and looked over how she could make her way inside. it looked simple enough, just a bit of climbing and a quick shove and pop! cool air rushed over bebe as she looked inside the fridge. tons of leftovers from fast food places, as well as a fair amount of fresh vegetables. bebe climbed her way right up to the top, and finally found what she had been looking for.

the cheese.

excitedly, she climbed further into the fridge, grabbing the cheese with her little sleeves. immediately she dove in, gnawing through the outer rind to get at the softer innards. the delicious flavors were exactly what she expected, and brought her great joy.

what she did not expect was the sudden blackness as the door closed.

mami suddenly looked around. "Have any of you seen bebe?"

"Yeah, I think she wandered off. She seemed bored."

mami got up from the couch. "I'm going to go look for her. I'm a bit nervous she'll find herself somewhere she shouldn't be. Can you pause it for a moment?"

suddenly, there was a loud crash from the kitchen. all five girls got up and went to go investigate. in the kitchen, the fridge was busted wide open, with a great werm sprawled over the floor, looking remarkably guilty.

"bebe got stuck..."

mami sighed and went over to the wearm's head, putting her hands on her hips. "Bebe, what have we said about the fridge?"

bebe looked at the floor. "don't go into the fridge."

"That's right. Now come on, let's go back to the movie, and this time stay in my sight."

bebe squeezed her eyes shut and poofed back into her compressed form, which ran over to mami and climbed up to her head, and chewed on her ear a little.

the girls returned to the movie and rewound a few minutes (kyoko forgot to pause it) and this time, bebe didn't wander off. mami kept a watchful eye over her, so over the next couple of movies, there was no major events that bebe caused.

and finally, it was bedtime. sayaka and kyoko brought out extra mattresses for homura, mami, and madoka. bebe immediately crawled under mami's covers. she was very tired from all the movie watching, and was asleep almost immediately.

being the first to fall asleep, bebe was also the first to wake up. she tiredly crawled from under the covers and looked around at the sleeping magical girls. she started wandering the house, having nothing else to do. the place was dark in the very early morning, so bebe kept running into things, making quiet thumps.

eventually, she ran into something a little more problematic: a table, upon which sat a small potted plant, which fell off the table, directly onto the little witch's head. the shock of it sent her into woerm mode, which knocked over the rest of the table with a loud crash. leftover silverware got knocked into the air, some of which got stuck into bebe. she cried out in pain and fear, from being stabbed from above in the dark.

a flash came from the other room, and light filled the room as five magical girls, weapons out, came face to face with a crying giant woyrm, broken pottery and soil mixed with trickles of witch blood. four of them relaxed, the fifth ran to the crying bebe and started pulling out silverware.

"Oh my gosh! Bebe, are you okay!?"

sayaka joined mami, and started healing the leftover wounds as madoka went to her head and started comforting the sniffling witch. it didn't take long for bebe to be healed and calmed enough to compress herself again.

"bebe didn't mean to. something fell on her head and-"

"It's okay, bebe, it wasn't your fault. I'm just glad you're okay."

#pmmm #bebe #cheese #mami tomoe #worm time babey #madoka kaname #sayaka miki #kyoko sakura #homura akemi #story #bebe causes trouble #long post #and wow is it long #wrote it off and on all day #blood mention

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sophialikesthings · 3 years

Text

Song-No Body,No Crime-Taylor Swift

Numb. the deprivation of feelings or emotions.

That's what I was standing in that field moments after I witnessed what happened.

"Come on, We should go." JJ rubbed my back.

"We don't have a car, dumbass." Kiara insulted him.

"We can hide out in the hanger." Pope pointed

We carefully scanned the room making sure nobody else was there.

I just went to a corner and curled myself up into a ball and sat there, questioning my sanity for still loving him.

"There goes the gold!" JJ looked up at the plane that just took off.

"Fuck!" Pope yelled, throwing something he found at the wall. He grabbed anything he could carry and threw it all, things were thrown all over, shattered glass carpeting the floor.

"I need to go see him." I got up.

"What? Demi are you insane?" JJ asked.

"I am because I still love him and I don't know how to stop." I broke down again.

"I'm scared that if I leave him, That will happen to me."

===

"Demi, I don't think it's a good time right now." Rose opened the door.

"Rose, I know what happened, and you and I both know he needs me right now. So please, let me see him."

"He is in the den." She let me inside.

"What are you doing here?" Ward asked as he vigorously washed his hands trying to get her blood off of them.

"I came to see Rafe, I- I know what happened Mr.Cameron, and I promise I won't tell a soul." I put on my fake face.

"So can I see him?"

"Yes, he is in the den." He pointed at the door.

I carefully opened the door and saw a distressed Rafe contemplating on the couch.

"D-Demi." he got up.

"I saw what happened, I wanted to say goodbye to Sarah and when I got there you shot her."

"I was protecting my father, I was protecting our future!" He paced.

"Calm down!" I pulled his arm towards me. "Rafe...you have done some of the most horrendous things to me and somehow I always go back to you, I don't know why? But I do."

"Don't say that. I do what I think will protect you." He hugged me.

"Mind if I come in?" Ward asked.

"I'll go." I was about to get up.

"No, no Demi stay," Rafe asked. "Is she alive?"

Ward shook his head causing Rafe to sink into me.

"What did you tell the cops? Are they coming here?"

"I told them John B did it." Ward walked over to his desk.

"Demi, I need you to take him up to his room, get him all cleaned up." He told me " take a shower change your clothes. If anybody asked you were working all day, doin' maintenance on the druthers."

"No, Rose knows I wasn't here."

"I will talk to Rose, okay?"

"Come on." I got up and took Rafes' hand.

===

"I was protecting him." Rafe continued to tell me.

"I know, can you take your shirt off, please you need to shower." I turned the water on.

"Will you join me?" He asked.

"Rafe."

"Please, I just don't want to be left alone, because If I am, I'm scared I might do something."

"Fine."

===

"I'm gonna go check in on Wheezie, I'll be back in a minute." I got up

"Hey, wheeze."

"Hey, did you come to ignore me too?" She asked looking up from her phone

"No, but I did come to hang out with you." I got a text.

I am sorry for nagging you about staying

with Rafe, I understand you are just trying to

keep your loved ones safe

Demi

Yeah, I was trying to keep you safe.

"Who are you texting?" Wheezie asked piercing over my shoulder.

"Huh? Oh, just Topper."

"Well, I'm tired, you can stay if you'd like, or you can go bang my brother." She nonchalantly said lying down.

"Whoa! What?" She caught me off guard.

"You know what I mean, you and my brother bang, like constantly."

"You know wheeze, sometimes I wish we didn't." I lied down next to her. "I mean, I feel like it adds unneeded pressure to our relationship."

"For what it's worth, you have really nice glute muscles." She made me laugh.

"I love you wheeze." I tossed my arm over her, hugging her.

"I love you too, you are like another cool sibling."

We both drifted to sleep.

===

"Do you hear that?" I got woken up by Wheezie.

"Huh?"

I heard Rafe in the other room muttering to himself. I got up and went to check on him, Wheezie behind me.

"Hey, What are you doin'?" I walked over to him, placing a kiss on his bicep where my face stood due to our height difference of almost afoot.

"Tossin' this crap." He threw a bunched-up pile of shirts into a worn-out backpack.

"Isn't this where John B was staying?" I questioned

"Yeah, well, I don't think he's gonna be by anytime soon to pick it up, so--"

"Why?" Wheezie interrogated.

"Did you say why?" He looked at her, confused.

"Didn't Dad tell you?"

"He doesn't tell me anything, so." She sighed, propping her head up on her hands.

"Um... so, John B... Killed Sheriff Peterkin." He acted sad.

"What?"

"Yeah." He tried to get her to believe him.

"Are you smiling right now? I'm not joking. Like, this isn't a game. I don't--"

Wheezie looked away as if she was bored of the story Rafe was telling her.

He slapped the bedpost almost hitting her face, causing both of us to wince out of fear.

"Hey, calm down." I pulled him back slightly.

"I don't know why you're smiling, okay? Look at me. I saw it with my own two eyes." He lied.

It hurt me, to know that I would have to lie to Wheezie. It made me sick just how easy Rafe could lie to anyone, doubts now filling my mind with everything he's ever said to me.

"He shot her, and then you know what he did?"

I snapped back into the conversation.

"He tried to shoot dad, but you know what? I stepped in and I stopped him, I saved Dad."

"Why would John B want to kill dad?" She questioned his story.

"Because um... he thinks dad killed his father."

My eyes widened as if Rafe heard the conversation I had with John B.

"Rafe, do you want to come over to my house, Taylor, Kelce, and Top will be there?" I tried to stop the conversation.

"I can't right now, I have to help my dad with the police reports." He kissed me, walking out of the room.

"Okay, well I'm headed home Wheeze, give me a call if you need me." I hugged her goodbye.

===

That Night

===

"I hate it. I'm in a toxic cycle I can't break free from." I groaned, dumping all my life issues on Taylor as usual.

"Welcome to being a Kook, Your parents stick you into toxic relationships, ask you to make babies, then dump your ass at a mansion and the cycle repeats." She took a swig of rum.

"Taylor, I love-" I got interrupted by the boys running past my room. I heard the laundry room door shut and Topper and Kelce forcefully holding it closed.

"What's going on? Who's in there?" I walked out into the hallway.

"Please just--just let me out." I heard John B.

"Are you two insane! Let him out!" I demanded, trying to get past them.

"Word on the street bro, you are worth 25k, dead or alive." Kelce shouted.

"Kelce, stop." Taylor asked, pulling him back so I could go up to the door, next to Topper.

"I'm gonna go get the cops, don't let him out." Taylor and Kelce walked away.

"John B, It's Topper." He started.

"Hey Top, It's John B." I could hear him panic.

"You gonna try to talk your way out?" Topper chuckled.

"Let him go, He's innocent." I tried to push him out of my way.

"Just cut the bull shit. Alright?" He ignored me.

"I didn't shoot the Sheriff, All right? Rafe did. Sarah was there. She saw the whole thing, Demi saw it too."

"Oh! It was Rafe! My bad." He rolled his eyes.

"Look Man, I know you don't believe me and honestly, I probably wouldn't believe myself either, but... I-- I get it, you hate me because of Sarah." He tried to talk to him.

"You knew we were boyfriend and girlfriend, right?"

I could hear the sirens in the distance as the tension built up.

"Let him go! Please." I started crying.

"And, um, I -- I got another question." he leaned against the door that was being held shut by a chair. "Did you fuck her."

"Topper!" I hit the back of his head, my strength not enough to make him flinch.

"Yes or no John B."

"Ok-- Uh yes." He said. "We did it...once. Okay? But don't use the f-word. That's kind of gross." He spoke trying to get Topper to understand him.

Suddenly we heard the police sirens from outside.

"Alright John B! It's Sheriff Thornton out here. We got you surrounded. We don't need anymore blood shed." My dad yelled into his megaphone

"Topper, Topper please, I am begging you to let him go." At this point I was hysterical, my eyes burnt from the many tears streaming down my face.

The sound of heavy footsteps got closer as they ran up the porch stairs.

"We're back here dad!" Topper yelled.

"Please!" I whispered.

"No mercy Dad." He took me outside with him.

"Damn it!" He slipped through the vents!" I heard my dad yell, easing my worry.

"Do not put your hands on me!" I screamed as Topper held me in front of him, pushing me outside.

"Demi! He is dangerous! I am protecting you, you are my little sister and I don't want you to get hurt."

"The only thing I need protecting from is this family! You make them out to be the villains when really it's you, and everybody else on this side of the island.

As everyone was spreading out searching for him Sarah rode up to me on her bike.

"I'm having everyone meet at the church. Be there in an hour, I think the others have a plan." She quietly whispered.

===

The Church Bell went off 3 times before I ran in there.

"What are you doing!" I stopped him.

"Demi, Sarah, I warned you about these pogues!" Topper held his hands up in defence.

"He's innocent." Sarah sobbed.

"Then who did it?" Topper asked.

"Rafe! Rafe shot Sheriff Peterkin, I saw him." I finally spoke up. I could feel my eyes starting to water again.

"What are you talking about?" he didn't believe me

"Sarah, we gotta go!" John B noticed all the police starting to gather outside.

"Sarah, You realize I'm the one that loves you." Topper Repeated, telling Sarah this many times before.

"I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry," She apologized "But this isn't about you."

"Hey we've gotta go." John B broke up their conversation.

"You go, I'll take care of him." I took my helpless blubbering brother into my arms

"Let me make it up to you." Topper laid out his plan, Sarah and I swapped clothes. Quickly,

"Y'all smell smoke?" I asked.

"Holy shit, go." Sarah looked down the ladder to see the bright light from the fire.

Topper and I headed out of the church with our hands in the air acting as if we were John B and Sarah.

"GET DOWN." The cops were yelling at us.

"Hol-Hold shoot, those are my kids." My dad commanded the others to put the guns down.

"Demitria and Topper, What the hell were you two thinking!?" He snarled.

"I- I don't know what happened dad, I'm sorry for causing trouble." Topper apologized "They went that way." I pointed in the opposite direction.

"Are you alright? Do you need a medic?" Topper asked me.

"I'm ok, I just burned my calf, that's all." I hissed as the wind blew causing my leg to sting.

"Demi! Dem, I- I didn't mean for this to happen!" Rafe ran over to me.

"Of course you did this!" I started limping away.

"Demi, I never meant to hurt you."

"How's that turning out?"

=== Ahhhhh late post but... The final chapter of part one is tomorrow and I am actually almost done with part two!

Feedback is appreciated!

Messages are always open!

Thankful for you all

also I need someone to help me pick an ending... so If you want to help me out just message me 😊

#jj fanfiction #rafe obx #jj maybank #jj maybank x oc #kiara carrera #love triangle #obx fanfiction #outer banks #rafe cameron x oc #sarah cameron #john b routledge #Rafe Cameron #obx netflix #obx jj #obx fic #obx spoilers #Spotify

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omegangrins · 3 years

Text

A Rant on the End of Tremors 7: Shrieker Island

As the main man said,

Throwing caution to the wind because this blew up elsewhere.

If you can do it with Justice League, fuck it, let's do it for every shitty movie we've got.

While we're at it, can we change the ending of the 7th Tremors movie so *MAJOR FUCKING SPOILERS* Burt Gummer doesn't die or at least bring Jamie Kennedy back, or Marvel style recast Jon Heder, so he dies saving his son instead of a random-ass person who could have easily saved themselves. Or cut the forced montage of Burt clips at the end so his death is at least ambiguous. Seriously beyond pissed about that one. THAT is no way for him to go.

I would also like to point out that the next Tremors *HAS* to be titled Tremors 8: Ouroboros and bring everyone back for Burt's funeral . Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

I have feelings about it, people. *FEELINGS!!!*

One of my favourite childhood memories is picking out Tremors 2 from the local gas station's movie rentals and forcing my parents to watch it. I was probably 5-6 at the time.

Let's say that it's been a lifelong love affair ever since. It took me another 10 years before I even watched the 1st. Probably why I hold good sequels in such high regard.

I didn't even know about the 1st until it played as a trailer in front of 2 and never thought to watch until years later. That's a testament to its filmmaking if I ever knew one.

So seriously, that's how they chose to kill off one of the most well known and prolific characters in a movie/TV series known around the globe? With an unnecessaryily needed death and a montage of clips from all the other movies that are obviously better than this one.

And I'm saying that as someone who defends Chibnall/13th Doctor...

...and I'm fucking fuming because THIS is how you *actually* destroy something people love and hold dear to their hearts. It's like the ending of Game of Thrones. His shitty ass death has made it a loooooot harder to rewatch. And they are one of my favourite series!!! Not flawless but fun. But I will defend every other movie and all the episodes except this. Honestly I'll still defend 7/8ths of this one as well.

Like I said, it's easily fixed too. Fucking vice versa swap out Jon Heder for Jamie Kennedy, who the movies have been building up for the last two, and have Burt save his son in front of his old flame. Boom, you won't even need the montage of clips cause you can just have Travis and his mom reminisce about Burt instead. Show not tell. I don't even care he died by Graboid (although in all honesty, I've allways wanted El Blanco to take him down or Burt kills himself from the PTSD. It would have AT LEAST MADE SENSE. Hell, the best would be a heart attack to callback Val's "Yeah, Burt, the way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get a chance to survive World War Three.". But none of us ever get the best death.). And it's not even about Burt sacrificing himself to save a nobody. Cause that could work too. BUT YOU NEED TO BUILD THAT SHIT UP. Not just fucking drop it like it's hot.

Like I said too, the first 7/8ths ain't bad but it's an entirely different story than a swansong for a hero.

It's all about some billionaire scientist/cowboy hunter dude who likes to get his jollies off hunting the biggest and the baddest who ends up inviting people to this island so they can hunt down Super-Graboids he designed for shits and giggles. But then some Shrieker-fy....

And the pretentious douches come and die one by beautiful one while Burt tries to save them anyway and it's all spectacularly dumb fun until it comes crashing down in the final 10 minutes. Fuck, they should just cut the last 10 minutes. Then it's a perfect little Tremors ditty.

#RELEASETHE7THTREMORSWITH10MINUTESFROMTHEENDCUT

This isn't even about Jon Heder either. He's just doing his job. Hell, do what /u/VoiceofRonHoward pointed out.

"It is clear that Jon's character was just pasted in over Jamie's, the artifacts of the father-son relationship are all over it. They should have gone full Marvel and just replaced Jamie with Jon and acted like nothing happened."

CAUSE FUCK YES!! The only time a story sucks is when they don't commit. Commitment makes all the difference. Now, I'm pissed double-pissed they didn't do that instead since Heder and Kennedy are similar in terms of white-boy-ness.

Even Michael Gross agrees:

"Yes, yes. Now I can't presume to speak for Jamie [Kennedy]. My understanding was they asked him and he said no. And so that's why they went with somebody else. So I had nothing to do with that decision. I just heard the stories. I missed him for that reason. You begin a relationship with the character, and you want to continue it....

...As you build a relationship with this son, we had two, it would've been nice to have three, but that was the hand I was dealt."

One of my favourite bits of Tremors lore comes from the 5th too so it's not like I hate sequel changes out of hand:

"This is a warrior dance. Our ancestors hunting the lnkanyamba and the Impundulu.

"What's that?

"Impundulu. It's what you call the Ass Blaster.

"Ass Blaster.

"Yes.

"Hey, you know, you make Ass Blaster sound good.

Primitive cultures fighting Graboids, Shriekers and Assblasters. I just love that thought.

Hilariously, my meta opening to the 8th movie would be a flashback to 10,000 years ago and a Neanderthal-like Burt Gummer teaching others how to drive Graboids off cliffs like they did with mammoths.

Thank you for giving me the space to rant. Cause fuuuuuuhhhhhhhhuuccck!!!

Here's Michael Gross' own words from his AMA that prove the people making Shrieker Island didn't know their shit.

"The Tremors series is one very close to my heart and I want you to know how appreciated your continued effort is for your core fan base.

My only question would be were there ever any studio decisions made for Burt that you refused to comply with? Or was everybody pretty much always on the same page on what to do with the character?

Thanks again for your dedication.

- Josh"

"Thanks for the kind words, Josh. As regards the first four films, with Wilson and Maddock as the writers, we were very much on the same page. 5,6, and 7 were a bit different, because there was a 13-year hiatus between 4 and 5, and we had to refresh our memories while "reinventing" the franchise for a new audience. I will give you one example: in an early draft of Shrieker Island, a new writer wrote a draft where Burt threatened to shoot one of the bad dudes, and I had to tell him—this is true—"Burt never intentionally points his gun at another human being."

And his own thoughts on Burt's "death" and how to bring it all back together again.

Universal and the director [came] to me with this idea, and they said, 'This could be emotionally very powerful, if we have to say goodbye to this man after 30 years. And I hemmed and hawed, and I thought about it a little bit. And I said, 'You're absolutely right about the emotional gut punch this can be.' And I said, 'You're going to hurt a lot of people's feelings.' And I said, 'But I thought this franchise was over after four. So I could certainly live with it being over after seven.'

"What we negotiated -- well, it wasn't really a negotiation, we all agreed on this -- is that we kind of left the door open. >!Because although Burt is gone, we never see a corpse. We never see his remains. Everybody assumes he's gone. Is he buried somewhere? Is he unconscious somewhere? We never see Burt dead. We see Burt gone. We see Burt not returning. What does that mean? Has he been knocked out? Does he have amnesia somewhere? Does he wander off? Is he in a kind of coma? So yes, the way it ends is pretty profound."

"As regards to the end of Tremors 7, let me just say that while people ASSUME Burt is gone, we never see his remains, do we? Just sayin.'

"The only reason he has become the main character is that everyone else in the original cast moved on to other things. I NEVER thought of him as the central figure, but it just worked out that Michael Gross, like Burt Gummer, was a "survivor." :0) "

"No one would like to see it more than I!!! One of my greatest regrets is that so many other cast members fell away over time. Reba was on to other things, Kevin said no to a second, Fred said no to a third. I would LOVE one last go with all of them, but it is not up to me. :0( "

"There are no guarantees, but for those who wonder aloud if this is the final film, I will say what I have said before: SALES drive sequels, Show biz is 5% show and 95% business, so if this latest addition to the Tremors franchise, sells well, [Universal] will follow the money, and Universal Pictures Home Entertainment may will be back for more."

/u/ActorMichaelGross, the bell has been rung and the song sung. Get the producers on this ASAP!!

I was also the first person to discover the symbolic foreshadowing of Stumpy's end with Earl's sleeping bag in the original movie.

Let's just say, I really *really* love these movies. So if anyone knows anyone, hook me up to the producers of this series and I'll Justin Lin in the Fast and Furious out of this shit.

Since I don't think it's good to critique without proposing either, I say we can make up for this fuck up with the next movie. We'll call it Tremors 8: Ouroboros. After the snake which eats its own tail.

We find out Burt faked his death to get the Proudfoot Corporation to let down their guard and when everyone from the previous series comes back for Burt's fake funeral they give him ever loving shit for being such a paranoid whack-job that he would fake his death to fool a government agency. Why would he do this? He found an old photo of Hiram Gummer with a Graboid warning on the back and asks himself why this valley, why these things, why allways me? And we find out, it's not Burt. It's that lifestyles of extremes will end up in places of extremes. Burt and the Graboids are survivors of different species. Sure the Proudfoot Corporation IS using Mixmaster to combine Graboids, Shriekers, and Ass-Blasters into one super creature for the military but it pales in comparison to Burt looking at his life and wondering in shame how many ancient giants like himself he has killed. And with that, he actually dies, and we keep the ball rolling with the rest of the characters trying to stop what they allways thought was just another one of Burt's crazy conspiracies.

That's why it's Ouroboros. Everything comes back around. We could end/start the movie with Grady, Earl, and Jodi opening a Monster World in Perfection Valley a la Desert Jack's Graboid Adventure. I don't know. I'm fucking trying harder than the people they paid to do this already.

It ain't perfect but I'm building on sand here so changes are gonna get made.

Like if the makers of Tremors notice this,

Then DM me because fucking A you guys need some help.

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geniusgub · 3 years

Text

north//chapter twelve

genre: angst, tiny bit of fluff

pairing: season 11 and 12 spencer reid x oc

warnings: panic attack

word count: 12.4k

summary: change is wonderful. but there’s some changes that are far too drastic for spencer and amelia to handle.

pay attention to the pov changes and the time jump or else you’ll be confused!!!!!! it’s about to get good.

AMELIA

Months go by, and life goes on, and that's about all I have to say about the last few months. Spencer works and I bask in the successful, metaphorical glow of my last exhibit. I do some light work here and there but mostly, I take some time off and resort to lounging around and drawing in my sketchbook. Spencer complains though because he claims that if I have all this free time then he should too. But regardless, he leaves bed every day to go to work and fight the monsters of the world.

But nobody more than me knows that things change quickly. I accepted that a long time ago and the nature of Spencer's job just reiterated that sentiment, especially after he got shot. So even though it’s a bit too overwhelming when he comes home with cuts and bruises on his face, or get upset when he misses loosely planned dates because of cases, or we disagree on where to order dinner from or if we should even order at all instead of just cooking, nothing surprises me anymore.

It doesn't surprise me when Spencer calls me from work and tells me he needs to go to Houston for a case, and that he might be gone for a while. He tells me he loves me and that he'll be home as soon as possible, to be safe, and to drink a glass of wine for him. So I tell him that he's the one who needs to be careful and remind him many times of my love, then I force him to promise that he'll be careful. He does, and I send him in his way with one more proclamation of love.

Spencer has been through a lot. He's a very strong person, and he tells me a lot, but I know he doesn't tell me everything. He only wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to his feelings for me, but not with anything else. He's not an open book when it comes to work and the horrors he sees on a daily basis and relives in his dreams. I wish he was, but I know that part of the reason he doesn't is so he doesn't affect me. I wish he didn't think that way. I wish he could just confide in me without worrying about upsetting me.

That being said, he doesn't cry. As I lay on my couch and listen to one of the records Spencer bought me for Christmas, a glass of wine about to fall out of my hand, my eyes closed, I try to remember a time Spencer cried in front of me. I scrunch up my nose when I realize I can't think of a specific time. Well, maybe he has cried. Maybe he did in the hospital. Maybe he did when he revealed what happened with Maeve, or his drug addiction. I don't have his memory. Maybe my worries are for nothing and I don't need to waste my time worrying over him so much.

But the days pass and I hear very little from Spencer, so I distract myself with my friends. We go out and we spend nights at clubs and we congregate at someone's apartment to watch movies and it's a wonderful distraction, but it doesn't fill the void that Spencer leaves. So I often find myself leaving him quick voicemails in bathrooms and balconies and bedrooms, telling him that I hope he's safe and that I love him and to let me know when he's coming home so I can see him. I don’t ever hear back.

Friday's are normally easy and Friday's are brunch days with my friends. So I wake up and shower and dress for my day, pulling on my skirt and blouse, singing along to the records playing downstairs. I finish getting dressed and fall back into bed, reaching for my sketchbook to occupy me for another half hour until I need to leave.

"Amelia?" Spencer's voice comes through my apartment, frantic and panicked, as the door hits the brick wall and rattles the picture frames. "Baby, are you home?"

"Spencer?" I respond, and his head whips up, landing on me. He looks like an utter mess in a loose tie and disheveled suit, messenger and go-bag having already clattered to the floor. His hair can be likened to bed head and I can see from here that his eyes are red. I immediately rush down the stairs and forget everything I was just about to do. "Sweetheart, what happened?" I grab his cheeks, performing my normal routine of checking for injuries, and when I find none, I become utterly confused and even more concerned.

Spencer's lips quiver as he sniffles, but he can't hold anything back when tears start to pour down his cheeks. "I-" his hands reach for my waistline, grasping my skin and drawing me closer, "I missed you so damn much, Lia, god."

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I ask when he pulls me even closer, our bodies pressing together and I can feel his rapid heartbeat against my chest. He tucks his head into my neck as he shakes his head no, arms finally circling my waist. "Okay," I whisper, coursing my fingers through his hair, closing my eyes as I breathe in the faint scent of his cologne. "I've got you, dove. I'm right here."

It only takes a second for Spencer to break down in tears, clutching my body like his life depends on it. Hearing his whimpers and feeling his shaking form breaks my heart, but I hold it together, rubbing him back, petting his hair, cooing in his ear, and telling him everything will be okay. His knees eventually give out so I lower us to the floor, landing in a weird position where I'm half in Spencer's lap while he cries in my neck. But neither of us seem to pay any mind to the fact that we're on the floor in the middle of my apartment. I just hold him and mutter sweet nothings and cheesy nicknames and pray to myself that he's okay.

"Spence, my love, can you talk to me? Can you tell me what's going on?" I whisper, trying to keep my voice low. I know that whenever I'm needing his comfort, his calm and low voice always helps me, so I try to provide the same for him. "I'm right here, sweetheart, talk to me," Spencer hiccups a few times as he lifts his head, and I reach forward to wipe his tears. "Take a breath, love. Just breathe, you're okay, I'm right here.”

Spencer squeezes his eyes shut and grasps at my thighs, and his head hanging forward. "I-" he takes a long, shallow breath, "you were clearly about to go out. Don't let me interrupt you."

I scoff out a laugh, shaking my head and pressing a kiss to his. He leans into my touch in a way that nearly makes me swoon. "Absolutely not, I'm not leaving you like this. You were on a case, is this about the case?"

Spencer nods slowly, keeping his head down. "You know about the whole thing with the group of assassins we've been hunting? The dirty dozen?"

"The people who've been targeting Penelope?" He nods again, and his hands tighten around my thighs. "Nothing happened to her, right?"

"No, no," Spencer finally lifts his head and sniffles again, wiping his cheeks with the heel of his hand, "she's fine. Actually, she's finally able to go home now because of this case."

"Okay, tell me what happened. Something must have happened if you're crying," I put my hands on top of his and brush my thumbs over his knuckles, hoping to bring him extra comfort. He brings them against his chest, allowing me to feel it rise and fall a little too quickly for liking.

Spencer gulps. "I had to pose as a married man who wanted his pregnant wife killed so I could lure the last hitwoman out of hiding so we could capture her. We'd gotten everyone else, it was just her. She was so smart and she saw through the whole thing. She knew my ring was fake right off the bat. She set a timer on my phone and was asking me all these questions about me and how we found her and about me and my family and-"

"Your family?"

"After she got rid of my ring, she asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no and somehow, she believed me. And then she was telling me that the only person who would actually date me would be a brat and an idiot."

“I mean, I guess it’s up for debate but I wouldn’t categorize myself as either of those things.”

Spencer giggles, just a little bit, but a joyful noise nonetheless, and that’s enough for right this second. "Then it turns out that she had a partner in the restaurant the whole time who had rigged bombs in the basement. She threatened to kill all these innocent people if I didn't let her walk free, but I couldn't do either of those things." He's getting worked up again and his eyes are tearing up and his breathing is shallowing and it just breaks my heart.

"Bub," I whisper, squeezing his hands, "breathe, okay? You're here now, you're okay."

Spencer lets out a heavy breath that sounds painful. But he squeezes my hands tighter and continues. "The only way I could throw her off her game was by lying to her. Her father had, um," Spencer glances up at me with a nervous look in his eye, "killed her mother when she was young and she was fostered," oh, that's why he was hesitant to say that, "and I had to tell her that I went looking for her father and that I found him and he just didn't recognize her, but that wasn't true. I couldn't find him at all. But then when Morgan moved in to take her down, he lied and told her that her father was at the restaurant and I just-” he shutters, “it was so horrible. I was so scared. She had a gun on me the whole time and I've had guns pointed at me so many times but I knew she wanted to shoot me and I knew she hated me and I knew she would have no problem killing me at any time. It was- god, it was so horrible."

I scoop Spencer into my arms again as he collapses into a new fit of sobs, body trembling. "Spence, I'm so sorry. But you did the right thing. Just think about Penelope. She's safe now, right? She can go home now and she can sleep peacefully knowing that there aren't hitmen coming for her and that you helped take them down. That hitwoman is in prison and you won't have to see her ever again. Now you're here with me and you're safe, okay?"

Spencer doesn't answer. He just lets me hold him and whisper in his ear and part of me hates that he's not talking. He shuts himself off and just barely hears what I’m saying, and only reacts when I touch his hair. He doesn’t return any verbal or physical expressions of love, not that I’m the one who needs them right now, but he just lays limp in my arms and whimpers like a kicked puppy.

"Hey," I whisper, pulling him up a bit and holding his face in my hands, "why don't you go change your clothes and maybe take a shower, if you want, and then come back down? Maybe you'll feel a little better."

Spencer nods and pushes himself up. Without another word, he grabs his two bags and trudges up the stairs to my bedroom, and just a moment later, I hear the bathroom door open and then the shower running.

With a heavy sigh, I locate my phone and text my friends to tell them I won't be making it to brunch. I don't bother to wait for their inevitably irritated responses before tucking my phone away, rushing around my apartment. I find the basket I'm looking for and then snatch the blanket from the back of the couch. I toss food and snacks and drinks into the basket, listening carefully to the running shower upstairs. When I've assembled everything I need, I take a seat on the island and wait for Spencer to be done in the shower.

It's almost half an hour before Spencer comes strolling down the stairs in jeans, a tee-shirt, and his converse. His work attire and weekend attire have too much of a layover, in my opinion. He’s always wearing his trousers and cardigans, occasionally a blazer. I’ve only gotten the pleasure of seeing him in jeans and a tee-shirt a handful of times, so despite the fact that he's the one with the fancy memory, I try to commit the sight to memory.

He's running his fingers through his wet and growing curls when he enters the kitchen, furrowing his eyebrows. "What's all this?"

"We, my dove," I quip, reaching my hands out for him, "are going on a picnic."

Spencer's eyebrows pitch up while he half-heartedly puts his hands in mine and steps closer to me, standing between my legs. "A picnic? Where? On the balcony?"

"No, silly," I giggle, leaning forward to kiss his nose. It makes him scrunch up his nose in the most adorable way. "We're gonna go to the park. It's nice out today and it's rare that I get to have you home during the day so let me cheer you up. Just- humor me, okay?"

Spencer glances beside me at the basket and the blanket, then back at my pouting face. He sighs, resigned. "Okay, sure."

"Good," I grin, leaning forward to press my lips to his briefly. “Let's go before it gets too late."

Spencer grabs the basket and helps me off the island, leaving me to grab the blanket. I lock up my apartment and we head off, walking hand in hand, silence looming over us. We would both usually attempt to fill the silence on a walk, but this time, it feels appropriate. We let the silence exist and distract ourselves by swinging our hands between us. I’m content with it though and I can only hope Spencer is too. I can only hope the silence isn’t letting Spencer get lost in his thoughts.

We finally reach the park and pick a spot to set up, using our shoes to hold down the edges of the blanket before taking our seats. We unload the basket and pass snacks to each other, avoiding the wine I brought, just in case we wanted to let loose. But this clearly isn’t the time for alcohol. So I work on my pretzels and watch a little boy giggle as he flies a kite with his mom.

"So, um," Spencer eventually hums, staring down at the container of walnuts in his hand, "I actually, um, I lied to you."

My hands freeze when they reach for a water bottle, my eyebrows raising. "Excuse me?"

Spencer lets out a breath. He reaches for a walnut but doesn't eat it, and just swirls it between his fingers. "I did go to Houston but it wasn't for a case. I went to see my mom. I asked Garcia to cover for me if you asked or went to the office."

"Why'd you have to lie about that? Is she okay? Spence, I could've gone with you.”

"I know, I should've told you and I feel bad that I didn't but I just wanted to deal with it myself."

"So what happened? Something happened. I can tell. What happened?"

The walnut in his hand slips out and falls onto the blanket, and now that his distraction is gone, he hangs his head again. "I got a call from the facility and they said the medication they were giving her wasn't working anymore. She was agitated and angry and they wanted me to go see her. So I went and when I went into her room, for three seconds-" he lets out a shaky breath and I find myself wondering if he even has any more tears to fall, but I quickly get that answer, "she had no idea who I was. So I had her tested and I found that night that she has an early onset of dementia."

I'm speechless for a moment, just processing that heavy information. I surely don't know as much as Spencer does but I know that this is not apart of schizophrenia. I've never heard stories of Diana not know her own son. I’ve never seen him so upset after a visit with his mom. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this intensely sad. Usually, if he’s upset from a case, I can spend an hour or two distracting him and then I’ll be blessed with seeing his smile again. But after this, I don’t know if he’ll ever smile.

"Oh, Spencer," I lurch forward and hug him for what seems like the millionth time, but he doesn't make an effort to hug me back. His arms hang loosely at his side and he just noses at my neck, not even caring enough to kiss me or hug me or touch me at all. "Love, I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I don’t know what to say other than I’ll be here for you and Diana and I’m always gonna be here to help you if you want it."

Spencer still doesn't respond and he still doesn't hug me back. So I let go and drop my arms to my side, chewing on my lip. I want to comfort him. I want to help. But he seems so lost in his own head, and that's the most dangerous place to be lost in. I know what it’s like to be trapped in your head with your thoughts, and I know Spencer does too, and it’s not a nice place to be. But I have no idea what I’m doing and I have no clue how to help him.

My eyes stray from his to the park around us. There are kids running around and dogs on leases and people going on runs. It's a stunning day out, and when my eyes linger up to the sky, squinting at the sun, I smile. I shift my body and lay down on my back, reaching back to rest my hand on Spencer's knee as I stare at the vast color that seems to match my eyes, or so I've been told.

"I think," I say softly, pointing upwards, "that one looks like a dinosaur." The clouds roll along in the sky and I study each of them quickly, searching for distinguishable shapes that I can point out. "And that one kinda looks like, well, I was gonna say an alien but now it looks more like a turtle," In the corner of my eye, I see Spencer tilt his head up to stare up at the sky. "And that one," I point to a passing cloud, "looks like a hat."

Spencer grabs the hand that is resting on his knees and intertwines our hands before laying down beside me. "I still don't get it. They're just clouds,"

"Then tell me about the clouds," I quip, letting my head fall onto his shoulder. "Educate me."

“Well, there are three main types of clouds. Cumulus, stratus, and cirrus. Stratus clouds are flat and featureless, like layered sheets. Cumulus clouds are puffy. Cirrus clouds are thin and wispy and are usually high in the sky.”

Spencer surely educates me. He goes on and on about the different types of clouds and the variations of them, and which produces the most rainwater and which form the fastest. I think he talks for close to half an hour, going on and on with his beautiful voice about something I never really give a second thought to. But I stare straight up and barely move a muscle, keeping my head on his shoulder and my hand laced in his.

"I talked for a while," Spencer chuckles as his lecture comes to an end, and he twists his neck to kiss my forehead. "Sorry."

"I enjoyed it. Can't say I'll remember it, but I like hearing you talk," I smile, turning to capture his lips in a kiss. "But I think that one looks like a lamp."

"I still don't see any pictures," Spencer sighs, returning his gaze up to the sky.

"That's okay. You will one day. It takes practice," I pause, squinting my eyes. "That's definitely a car. Like, a pickup truck," I reach my free hand over and grab Spencer’s cheeks, twisting his head for him at the passing cloud. Cumulus, I think. “There. That’s the pickup truck.”

"Thank you for taking my mind off everything," Spencer whispers, and his head breaks free from my grasp to look over at me. My hand drops to his chest. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I think I'd go crazy. I truly don't know what I did before you and I don't know what I'd do if you-"

"You-" I cut him off before he can even finish his sentence, "don't have to worry about living without me because I'm not going anywhere. That's a camera, no doubt."

Spencer laughs, returning his gaze up. "Whatever you say, beautiful."

“You know,” I drag my hand down to his stomach and brush my thumb over the soft fabric of his shirt, “this might sound a little stupid. But the day we met, when I left my apartment for the cafe, when I looked up, there was a cloud in the shape of a heart. And I don’t know why but I just knew it would be a good day. Is that stupid?”

“No, it’s not stupid,” Spencer says. “Actually, if we were characters in a fiction novel, that heart cloud could be considered an objective correlative. That’s a symbol or event or group of things that are meant to represent emotions in the story. So in a movie, it could be thunder and lightning before a bad event or feeling a chill go down your spine. Or the cloud could be considered foreshadowing, even though foreshadowing doesn’t exist in real life. And if it does then it’s just a coincidence. Yeah, I guess for you it would’ve been a coincidence. A good coincidence. An accurate one because, you know, you kinda fell in love after you saw the heart cloud.”

It's my turn to look at him now, and I study the curve of his nose, his jawline, the outline of his lips. He's stunning. The sun illuminates his features, even the sweat gathering at his hairline, and I can’t remember a time when I was this utterly, wholeheartedly in love with him. With everything about him. The good and the bad. "Spence, I know it doesn't seem like it, but everything is gonna be okay," I whisper, moving closer to him, nuzzling my nose against his neck while his arm wraps around my waist. "And even if it's not, I'm gonna be right here, holding your hand and staying by your side the entire time. I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me. No way."

"I wouldn't want to," Spencer quips, moving his arm around my waist. "I love you too much."

"I love you too. Come here," I sit up just a bit and draw his lips closer to mine, letting my eyes flutter closed. "Everything is gonna be okay, dove.”

///

ABOUT SIX MONTHS LATER

///

"Ow! Fuck, Spencer! That's way too hot!"

"Then turn it down."

"Well, my hands are a little tied right now."

"That's not my fault."

"It kinda is your fault because you made the stove too hot!"

Spencer laughs and comes up behind me, his arms circling my waist, resting his chin atop my head. "I'm sorry. You know cooking and baking aren't my forte."

I send Spencer a sharp look over my shoulder, huffing. "You're so lucky you're cute."

He rolls his eyes and then moves beside me, gently grabbing my wrist. "Let me see," he pulls my hand from under the running cold water to inspect my finger. "It's fine, just a little red."

"I know," I smile as Spencer brings my pointer finger up to his lips to lay a sweet kiss on my skin. "You're just so adorable."

"I try," Spencer shrugs innocently, making me laugh. "Okay, let's finish chocolate covering these strawberries and get them in the freezer."

I hum in agreement and move back to the stove, the heat setting now turned down by Spencer, post finger burning. So I reach over Spencer and grab another strawberry and dip it into the chocolate before setting it onto the wax paper. Once we've run out of strawberries, Spencer puts the tray in the freezer. I go skipping into his living room and curl up on the couch, turning on the tv and waiting for him to arrive.

It's only a minute before he's curling up beside me, pulling me into his arms and kissing my cheek. "It's amazing you didn't get called into work today," I say. "I guess since you had to miss our birthdays and Halloween this year, the serials killers decided to let us celebrate our two year anniversary together."

Spencer laughs as he pulls me even closer to his chest, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "I'm glad they did. I mean, I wish they let us spend every day together but I'm glad they let today be an exception."

I settle my head against Spencer's chest and keep my eyes on whatever's playing on the tv, brushing my fingers up and down his arm aimlessly. He hums contently and a smile comes to my face. These moments of quiet are rare. And getting to have these moments on days like today, our two-year anniversary, are few and far between. We have to take advantage of them while we can.

"Hey," Spencer whispers, "I've got a question." I hum in response, flickering my eyes up to him for a moment. "So, you know, you're always spending your time here and I'm always spending my time at your apartment," I immediately look back up at him, already understanding what he's about to ask. "We're always together so doesn't it just make sense that, you know, we live together?" He raises his eyebrows, then sucks his bottom lip between his teeth out of anxiousness. "We always make a point to get together when I'm home, and I know you sometimes stop by here when I'm away on cases. We should- doesn't it make sense? We'd get to see each other more."

My grin spreads across my face as I tackle him to his back, squeezing his waist. "Spencer, that sounds perfect. I'd absolutely love to move in with you."

"Seriously? You'd actually wanna buy a house with me?"

"Of course!" I giggle, bringing my hands to his jawline, holding his face in front of me. "Why do you think I’ve stuck around so long? Yes, Spencer, of course I do," He attacks me with kisses, quickly lifting me up and carrying me towards his bedroom. "Dove, the strawberries-"

"I don’t want the strawberries right now. I want you."

It was silly of me to expect that moment to last forever. Our second year together was amazing. Well, as amazing as it could have been. Spencer hunts the worst people in society and parts of him break every day and I start a new exhibit, but we still meet up when we can and hold each other and make each other laugh and cook and look at clouds (with only me describing shapes) and just comfort each other. It was completely foolish of me to expect that happiness bubble not to burst.

Spencer doesn't like change and that's not hard to tell. The change of dating me was hard enough for him and I've learned that it was hard for him to get used to a new daily routine with another person in it. But then the BAU team changes and that almost makes Spencer spiral. Alex Blake left a while ago and Spencer was crushed, and then Kate came and he loved her. But then she left to have a baby. Then Morgan went through a trauma and decided to leave to protect Savannah and his baby. He lost Morgan and then soon lost Hotch.

Hotch was targeted by a serial killer that I only know by the name of Mr. Scratch. He sounds horrible, especially since he captured Hotch and drugged him, then tried to get him to kill his team. Then there was a prison break that sounded absolutely terrifying and made me almost spiral when I heard about it, and Mr. Scratch escaped. And the first thing he did? Stalk Hotch and his son. Hotch decided to leave the team in the hands of Emily Prentiss, who I've learned is an old team member who left to work for Interpol after a very complicated sequence of events, and entered Witness Protection to keep Jack safe. Spencer learned so much from Hotch and looked up to him, so losing the unit chief was a huge hit. It was a hit for everyone on the team, but this huge change meant creating another new routine.

Although losing those valued team members was horrible and stressful, they gained amazing replacements. Tara, Emily, Luke, and Stephen are amazing profilers who jumped into the BAU pool with both feet in, and the rest of the team appreciated that. They give their all to the team and together, they're taking down the escaped serial killers who got away during the Rawdon prison break.

But then Spencer starts to get some phone calls. It started out as one, interrupting a late-night dinner date on the balcony after Spencer got home from a case. He didn't think much of it at first, not even going inside to his apartment to talk privately. Turns out, his mother wasn't reacting well to the new trial he just got her into. Spencer didn't take this news well and our dinner was ruined. He stormed inside and spent the rest of the night at his desk, reading the same stack of books about experimental medicine over and over. I cleaned up our plates and went home. That's when I first started to see him pull away from me. From life. From everyone.

The calls became more frequent after that and the books piled up on his desk. The dinner dates and the hookups and the mid-case phone calls stopped, and our before-work cafe dates have been completely nonexistent. Spencer put every ounce of free time he had into helping his mother and her condition, and I had to respect that so I didn't say anything. I let him research experimental medicine and do all the fancy doctor things that I'll never understand, and I just kept my focus on my art.

He decides to go out and visit her and insists I don't come, that he can do it alone. I try so hard to convince him, but he doesn't budge. So I concede and he takes a week off of work to go, and I practically lock myself in my studio. My friends come by and I keep my concerns about Spencer to myself, but then I rant when it's only Jenna around. She's confused too, understandably, but offers no valid advice. I don't blame her, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have a clue what to say. And when Jenna asks me if we've found a house that we like yet, I tell her that we haven't even started looking yet. Spencer has been too occupied with more important things.

When Spencer returns, a selfish thought comes to mind. I think maybe everything has been solved. I think that maybe all those hours Spencer spent ignoring me and focusing on his mom and researching experimental medicine have paid off and he's solved world hunger and now his mom is cured. It's absolutely horrible. It's maybe the worst thing I've ever thought. No, it's definitely the worst thing I've thought. But am I wrong for wanting things to go back to the way they were? Am I wrong for wanting my boyfriend back? No. Yes? I'm not sure. But all I know is that I'm worn down and no amount of wine can distract me.

When Spencer returns, he sits me down. And when he sits me down, I know my selfish thought was too selfish. My selfish thought made karma come back to bite me in the ass. He's got a solemn look on his face and he's not holding my hand or touching me at all, he barely even wanted to kiss me when he showed up at my apartment.

"So," Spencer sighed, running his hand through his grown-out hair, "um, the clinical trial that my mom is in isn't helping. She's not getting better." I had raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to get to the horrible and dark, inevitable punchline. "I'm gonna bring her here to live with me."

My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, eyebrows turning in. "What?"

Spencer groaned, burying his face in his hands. "She isn't getting better but whenever I go to visit, she seems to be fine. So I'm gonna bring her back here with me and she's gonna live with me. I'm gonna hire a nurse to watch her while I'm away on cases."

"Spencer, that's-" I let out a breath, tangling my hands on my hair. "I love you and you know that but I really don't think this is a good idea. Maybe this trial isn't helping her but another might. Find something close to here so you can see her more often but taking care of her yourself is going to be so hard. I don't think you realize what-"

"I've made up my mind, Lia," Spencer said stubbornly, as if ending the conversation there. "I've spent too long away from my mom and I don't want to anymore. She always feels better around me and I want her to get better already."

"Spencer." Just speaking his name made my heart hurt because I could feel the foundation under us crumbling. I could see it crumble when he doesn’t soften at the sound of his name from my mouth. That used to always happen. "This is a bad idea. Please reconsider. You're so busy with work already and then you're gonna go home and have to take care of your mother. You're not gonna have time to see me, or Henry and Michael and Hank, or do literally anything else. Spence," the selfish thoughts came back, "I'm sorry to be like this but you asked me to move in with you."

Spencer sighed, and that was all I needed. I stood from his couch and he quickly followed me to the door where I had already started pulling on my shoes. "Amelia, please. I know I asked you to move in with me but she's my mother and I can't abandon her-"

"She needs professional help!" I exclaimed, whipping around to face him. "You went through this pain when you were eighteen and you're gonna force yourself to go through it yet again when you don't even have to. Hey, Spencer, did you notice I got a new piercing?" I pointed to my ear and watched his face fall. "Yeah, I got my tragus pierced. But you've been so caught up in this experimental medicine thing that you haven't even noticed that. Just imagine how much more time you won't have when your mom starts living with you."

Spencer shook his head at me, just tucking his hands in his pockets and staring down at his shoes. "You're not listening to me." And then I left.

We didn't talk much after that. I texted him to make sure he was doing okay during his cases and got minimal responses. He eventually told me that he found a nurse to take care of Diana, and that he'd be traveling to Houston to take his mother out of the trial. It was surely the worst decision for Diana, but I guess I have to support my boyfriend.

So after Diana is settled into Spencer's apartment as much as she can be, I head over. She knew who I was right away from the two times I'd met her before, and Spencer and I were both surprised about that. I expected her to not recognize me and Spencer expected her to accuse me of being a spy. I didn't fully understand that, but when he explained how Diana had accused the nurse of being just that, it made sense. Kind of. I don't know how Spencer couldn't see it, but Diana didn't seem comfortable in his little apartment. Or maybe he did see it and just ignored it because he liked having her so close after so long.

Exactly what I predicted happened. I barely saw Spencer for two weeks and in the few times that we got to text, I found out that Diana wasn't doing well at all. She flooded the apartment and ran out the first nurse and now Spencer couldn't go on a case until he found a new nurse. She hated the taste of her medicine, which is odd because I've never found that pills have much of a taste unless you hold them in your mouth too long, and didn't want to take it. But Spencer is a hardass about medicine. I know that from experience when he complained I wasn't taking medication for my panic attacks.

But eventually, Spencer finds a wonderful nurse named Cassie who agrees to work with them and Spencer goes off on a case, and I accept that I'll never get to see him again. We text occasionally but I haven't heard his voice in weeks and we haven't gone on a proper date in maybe months and god knows we haven't had sex in forever. All those selfish thoughts return to make me feel like a horrible person, but am I horrible? Diana needs to be in a care facility, not her son’s apartment where he leaves every few days, and with a stranger who Diana believes is a spy.

I was completely ignorant to believe that our happiness bubble wouldn’t pop. No, the harsh beginning of our relationship would prove that no happiness lasts. We couldn't even get through a year without something tragic happening.

And it sounds so horrible, but at this point, I'm incapable of creating my own happiness. I need Spencer to be happy. I need him to be able to enjoy my tea in the morning. I need him to enjoy watching The Polar Express. I need him to find shapes in the clouds. I need him to make my spontaneous trips to the BAU to see Penelope. I need him so I can be happy. It's codependent and maybe it's toxic but he's my whole world. He's the reason I live and breathe.

///

SPENCER

///

I'm good at holding myself together. I'm good at putting on a smile and helping others before I help myself. It's become a skill of mine over the years, and maybe one that I shouldn't be so good at. But it is and I pride myself on not alarming my teammates when anything is wrong. But stalking cases are a whole other story. I do my best to keep up my world-class poker face when I see that the object of the unsubs affection is a brunette with bangs, but it proves to get harder and harder throughout.

I commend myself for keeping it together. I commend myself for keeping it together when the unsub kidnaps the brunette after we arrive. I commend myself for keeping it together when we witness the unsub send a bullet through the brunette's head. I commend myself for keeping it together as I slap handcuffs on the unsub and shove him in the backseat of a car. I even manage to keep it together through questioning from the whole team. Emily, Rossi, Luke, Tara, JJ, Stephen, and Garcia all ask me if I'm doing okay. Seriously, even the new people. I promise I'm fine. It was a while ago, I tell them, I'm fine.

I should be proud of myself for keeping it together until I get back to the hotel. I keep it together through the wrap-up interviews with the unsub and the goodbye with the local police, ignoring the images that are circling in my brain, now adding another set of images to resurface when I wish they never would.

I don't break down until I'm lying in my hotel room bed. It doesn't happen at first. I just lay down and stare at the ceiling and then my eyes start to burn and then suddenly, there are tears dripping down my cheeks. And as soon as one tear falls, there's a waterfall that follows.

I reach into my pocket and rip out my phone, searching for Amelia's number. I'm blinded by my own tears but I hiccup and hold the phone up to my ear, curling up on my side, ignoring the way I feel so uncomfortable in my trousers and converse and way-too-tight tie. After the phone rings twice, I accept that she's not going to answer, but then she does, and I feel a wave of relief wash over me.

"Hi," she answers softly, and then pauses. "Spencer, what's wrong? What happened? You're crying."

"I know you're mad at me," I cry helplessly, squeezing my eyes shut, "but I really need you right now."

"Of course. I’m right here," she answers in her beautiful, sweet, calming voice. "What do you need? Are you okay?"

I hiccup again, bringing my hand up to my eyes and trying to wiping my cheeks. "It was-" I sniffle, "a stalking case.”

"Oh," Amelia answers, fully understanding. "Okay, dove, do you have your medallion?"

I suddenly remember that and I sit up, hastily grabbing my messenger bag and digging it out of one of the many pockets. "Y-Yeah, I have it now."

"Good,"

"Could you pick me up? I don't wanna drive home."

"Of course. I'll be waiting when you get back."

///

The ride up the sixth floor is excruciating. I'm cramped with everyone else and I just want to go to sleep. I just want to be with my girlfriend. Emily looks over at me and smiles, but I don't bother to profile her smile. Whether it was pity or sorrow or just plain friendliness, I don't care at the moment.

I'm the first one out of the elevator when the doors slide open and my eyes wander inside and to my desk, and my feet glue to the floor. Everyone passes right by me and into the bullpen, but I just stare at the beautiful scene in front of me.

Amelia is sitting on my desk with her legs crossed, dressed in oversized sweats, which are definitely mine, with her curly hair in a bun and her glasses on. I can't blame her for her outfit choice, it is nearing midnight. But she's got her sketchbook in her lap and she's speaking to Henry who's sitting in my desk chair with a notebook in his lap, and she's clearly instructing him on how to draw something. He turns his notebook to her and she grins proudly before giving him a high five. Henry encourages her to teach him something else and they both flip their pages. Amelia leans in with her pencil in hand to show him something else.

"Hey," JJ comes from behind me and lands at my side, following my line of sight. She grins and watches the two interact perfectly, and Amelia gives Henry another high five. "You know, if we don't get a case this weekend, I'm available to go look at rings."

I just start to nod slowly, my head fuzzy with the amount of love I'm feeling for my girlfriend. We haven't been in a good place with our relationship and that's not really a secret. She isn’t happy with my choice to bring home my mom, and she's upset that she feels like her life has to suffer because of the choices I've made, and that's completely valid. But here she is, dropping everything to come and comfort her crying boyfriend at midnight on a Wednesday night, despite how upset she is with me.

So I just look down at JJ, nodding, and her smile grows as I say, "Deal."

///

AMELIA

Change can be such a beautiful thing. Change can be the thing that encourages people to start over and become a new person. A big enough change can transform a life. My life has been change after change after change that I've embraced it and welcomed it. If I don't accept something that happens so constantly in my life, where would that get me?

But sometimes change isn't good. Sometimes it's imperative that things stay the same. There are times where life is too hectic and busy and it would be detrimental for change to make an appearance. Change, then, makes life far too stressful and just plain unlivable.

I thought I'd gone through enough change since meeting Spencer. Dating an FBI agent, specifically, someone in the BAU, changes enough. But then he gets injured and he misses important dates and he works with the man who arrested my serial killer father and he brings his paranoid schizophrenic mother with dementia home to live with him. That's enough change for anyone, and Spencer hates change. I've never met a person who hates change more than him.

I've learned to keep a normal routine since I met Spencer. Well, as normal as I can. Even though I may not be doing anything in a day, I always get up and get dressed, whether Spencer is around or not. I've gotten used to not changing things and I've found the comfort in it.

I don't let today differ from my other days. I wake up in my cold, empty bed and stumble into a cold shower, washing away the throbbing between my legs and the oil on my skin. I blow dry my hair and get dressed in a white sundress that Spencer once told me is his favorite, tying half my hair back with a bow. I do my makeup and put in my piercings and clean my new piercing and go about my life, checking my phone for a text from Spencer. But all I find is groupchat texts from my friends and a text from Jenna asking me if I wanna go out tonight, so I put my phone away and go make myself a cup of tea.

My tea tastes wrong today. I've put in too much sugar and it doesn't taste right when Spencer's not making it for me, or when he's not holding my hand, or when he's not stealing kisses before rushing out the door for work. Life just isn't the same without him and I wish that he could come to his senses about his mother.

I'm halfway through my cup of tea when there's a knock at my front door. The irrational part of my brain perks up and thinks it's Spencer coming home from his trip to Houston, but the rational part of my brain knows that he would go home to his mother first. His mother comes first now. That is a change I need to get used to. Selfish.

"Coming!" I call, setting my cup of tea down on the island. I double-check to make sure I've turned off the stove and the kettle is safely moved aside before rushing to the door.

I pull open the door and instantly, my heart sinks to my feet. Seeing Penelope and JJ standing at my door would usually make me smile and pull out a bottle of wine, but today, it makes my hands sweat. I know this isn't good. I can tell it isn't good by the way JJ is staring down at the floor and by the tears stains in Penelope's makeup.

Spencer is dead. That's it. He's gone. I don't know how it happened but he's dead and gone and I'm all alone. My head starts to spin and I grip the doorknob in my hand so tight that I think I might break it off.

JJ's head pops up a moment later and she gives me a quick, tight-lipped smile and I notice her grab onto Penelope's hand. "Hi, Amelia," she says, her voice quieter than I’ve ever heard it before. "We, um, we gotta talk to you."

I gulp, my chest burning as I nod and open up the door a little bit further for them. The two step inside and even though they've been in my apartment a few times, when I was invited to ladies nights and hosted, they walk as if they're strangers. They're uncomfortable strangers who would rather be anywhere else.

I close the door and the three of us linger in the entryway. I almost regret not putting on a record this morning because the silence is choking me. Garcia is avoiding eye contact and looking around and JJ is doing something similar, but her eyes are stuck on my wall of pictures. And it seems to be the picture of Spencer and I. It was one that had taken hours to convince him to take and when I'd finally pressed the button on my camera, we were giggling relentlessly and Spencer was clinging to my side. It's one of my favorite pictures of us, which is why it's on my wall. I look at it every day and wish we could go back to that moment.

"Do you guys want a drink or anything?" I offer because I just don't know what else to say. I truly don't want to hear what they have to tell me.

Penelope turns her head back to me and shakes her head. "Um, no. No thanks."

"Amelia," JJ states, her voice sharper than I imagined. But then she brings her eyes to mine and her face softens. "Do you, um, do you wanna sit?"

"Tell me what happened to him." I sputter, bringing my hands to my hips. I'm already breaking and there are already tears in my eyes. They wouldn't be here during a work day just to tell me that Spencer is happy and healthy at work, about to get on the jet so they can go to their case.

Penelope lets out a whimper and puts her face in her hands, pulling her hand away from JJ's. JJ sighs and looks between me and her friend. "Spence is, um," she lets out a breath again and forces out whatever words are painful on her tongue, "he got arrested in Mexico. He was in a car chase with the Mexican police and then he was found with a huge amount of cocaine and heroin in his trunk, and he was high out of his mind. Emily, Rossi, and Luke went down to Mexico to investigate and they found a body and they're now charging him with drug possession with the intent to distribute, and manslaughter."

Like I said, some change is good. Changing bed sheets, changing clothes after a workout, changing your mind on a restaurant for dinner. Change is necessary for life to go on. Not change like this. I could never accept a huge change like Spencer getting arrested in a foreign country while being high. All of that is absolutely ridiculous and I almost roll my eyes when JJ tells me. But her face stays stoic and I know it's true.

Sometimes, I can feel myself getting pushed into the ground. I can feel my feet melt into the hardwood floor and I watch as the room starts to spin like a carousel. But there's no eccentric horse and no cheerful children. It's just me and my tears and my trembling knees.

"Amelia?"

There's a voice but I can't tell who's it is. Maybe it's JJ. Maybe it's Jenna. Maybe it's Penelope. Maybe it's Spencer. Maybe it's my mom. Maybe no one spoke at all. I can't even tell what's real anymore. If Spencer is high and getting arrested then we surely, must have entered a new dimension.

"He was framed, Amelia, we know it."

There's the voice again, and suddenly there's a hand on my arm, but my whole body tenses. My eyes glaze over and I can't even breathe, my chest heaving every time I try. Silent tears fall down my cheeks and I know that the longer I stand here, the more pain I feel.

But the glue under my feet has taken a liking to this specific spot of the floor and I'm stuck. So utterly stuck in this spot, in my head, in this lifetime. I can't breathe anymore. My lungs are flattened and they won't inflate.

"Amelia, you need to breathe."

I move my lips but no words come out. I'm grappling for words and gasping for words and I know what's happening but I can't stop it. Spencer always stops them. He always speaks to me in his soothing voice and waits to touch me until the nonverbal part of my attack has passed and then he hugs me up until I almost bruise.

But thinking about Spencer makes my knees buckle and I crumble to the floor, staring down at the hardwood as my tears create a puddle. I hang my head and ball my hands into fists, trying to find something to ground me but there's nothing. JJ and Penelope don't know what to do and Spencer can't magically appear to help me. They can't even call him because he's been arrested. Arrested.

My boyfriend has been arrested. My FBI boyfriend who wasn't happy to bail me out I when I was arrested for spray painting a brick wall that was public property. And now he's getting arrested for being high, being in a car chase, narcotics possession, and now murder? My boyfriend? My boyfriend who walks around with his sobriety medallion and cringes when we even see a scene on tv of someone doing drugs. This isn't him. This isn't My Spencer.

"Emily, Luke, and Rossi are with him. They said he's hazy and missing time but he's okay."

He's not okay. God, no. He won't be okay. He relapsed and once he comes down, he's going to be crushed. Absolutely pulverized. He'll never want to look at his medallion again. His medallion. Where the hell is that?

Time passes. So much time passes. It feels like forever. My hands bleed and my knees ache and my back is sore and my head starts to pound. I eventually collapse onto my side, almost curled up in the fetal position, my eyes squeezed shut. I need Spencer. I need him to hold me and to tell me he's going to be okay and to come home. Someone needs to tell me this has all been a cruel, disgusting, horrible prank.

"Amelia?" It's Penelope this time, that I know.

"Amelia, can you hear me?" And now it's JJ and she's crouching right beside me. I nod weakly and she sighs of relief. "Can I get you something? Water?" I nod again, and she goes rushing off to my kitchen.

Penelope helps me sit up again and leans me against the wall, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Her touch feels nice but it's not the same as Spencer's touch. Nothing will ever be the same.

"We're gonna save him," she whispers to me. "We're gonna prove that he was framed and we're gonna bring him home."

JJ returns with a glass of water for me and joins the two of us on the floor, crossing her legs. I sip slowly, my hands still shaking and my knees pulled up to my chest, protecting myself. My thoughts are shooting around in my head and I can't stop them.

"We've been fighting recently," I confess quietly. "Ever since he decided to bring his mom home, we have. On our anniversary, he asked me to move in with him and we agreed to buy a house, then he brought his mom home and started ignoring me. He cared more about experimental medicine than he did about me."

"That's not true," Penelope murmurs, placing her hand on my knee. "Anyone with eyes can see that Reid loved you more than himself. He'd lay down his life for you. He looks at you like you put the clouds in the sky," The statement makes my head spin quicker.

"Why don't you," JJ speaks next, "pack up some stuff and come to the BAU with us? You probably shouldn't be alone right now and you could use some company."

"Plus, we can keep you updated on Spencer when you're closer," Penelope says. "Go pack and we'll drive you."

I put the glass of water on the floor and manage to push myself to my feet. I trudge away from the girls and up the stairs to my bedroom, lugging a duffle bag out from under my bed. It almost doesn't feel real as I put a few things in the bag. It feels like someone else is controlling my body. I’m not moving like this. I’m not living in this dimension.

I make my way back down the stairs and see the two women still lingering in the doorway, not even speaking. But they give me pitiful smiles when I enter, and they don't say anything when I grab my keys and open the door. I don't clean up my water glass or my cup of tea or double-check anything. I just need to leave.

///

Stephen and Tara's heads pop up when the elevator doors open, but I keep my head high. They're profiling me, as they always are with everyone, but I don't want to give them the power to see me so broken. So I keep my face neutral as I march right past them and down the hallway, directly into an empty interview room and slam the door shut.

Maybe it's wrong of me to be so cold to the team that is doing their best to help Spencer, but I can't help it. And maybe I'm mad at him. Maybe I'm fucking furious. How could he do this? How could he go to Mexico and put his life at risk, being a federal agent and being such a big target? How could he neglect to tell me that he was leaving the country? How could he do this to his team and his mom? How could he do this to me?

"Amelia?" Tara's knocking at the door, entering before I can even say come in. "I'm just checking in on you. I'm sure you're upset. We all are."

"He's stupid," I'm not sure why that's the first thing out of my mouth, but it is. "He's a fucking idiot. I've always known that but I didn't think he'd be this stupid."

Tara sighs and leans against the wall, dropping her head and trying to stay calm and level for me. "Did you know he was going to Mexico?"

"He told me he was going to Houston to meet with a doctor, that's all," I shake my head, ripping the too-cheerful bow out of my hair and letting it fall to the floor.

"When Garcia looked into his travels, it turned out that he crossed the border three times." I can't even bother to react. My body just feels numb and no new information can get past the shield I'm putting up. "You had no idea of any of this?"

"He always told me he was going to Houston. I never would've thought he was going to Mexico. Tara," my teary eyes travel up to meet hers, "JJ and Penelope said he was framed. Who is trying to frame him?"

Tara grabs a chair from the table a few feet over and sits in front of me. "Did Spencer ever tell you about someone named Mr. Scratch?"

"Him? I thought he was going after Hotch."

"He's coming after all of us. He came after me, he kidnapped my brother and drugged him, and we know that he did the same to Reid. It's our job now to find the evidence that points to Scratch." Stephen is at the door now, giving me a pitiful smile before gesturing for Tara to follow him out. She pats my knee before standing. "We're gonna get him home. You're obviously welcome to stay here, and if you need anything, let us know."

///

I thought that being apart of one FBI-involved case was enough for one lifetime. I don't miss being in this stale interview by myself while the BAU does their work, scrambling for evidence that supports Spencer and gets him home. But there's clearly not much or else I would have heard something. All the horrible memories of my childhood in police stations surface and swirl around my brain, leaving me frantically covering my eyes to will them again. I’m a kid again, laying on an uncomfortable couch and watching officers go back and forth without even looking at me. I’m a kid again, lost and confused with nowhere to go and no one to love me.

JJ and Penelope stop by over the day to check in on me and bring me food whenever they order some, but I don't eat much. I just spend my time staring at the wall and trying not to cry. I eventually leave the room just to change into sweatpants and a hoodie, and when I return, my phone is buzzing with a call from Jenna.

"Hey," she answers, and there's quite a bit of commotion from her end. "You were supposed to be here a half hour ago and The Bachelor starts in twenty minutes, so are you coming? Everyone else is already here and Frankie said he's gonna eat your Popeye's order soon."

"No," I answer quietly, "I'm not gonna make it. Sorry. I forgot to call."

"Are you okay? You sound off," Jenna's no profiler but she's always been good at hearing when I'm off. "Did something happen? Is Spencer okay?"

I cover my eyes with my hand and let out a shaky breath. "No, Jen, he's not."

There's a moment of silence on her line and the shouting from our friends gets quieter as she gets further from them. "Are you guys fighting more? What'd you guys say this time?"

"It's so much worse than that," I cry, curling up on the couch as the waterworks start yet again. "He got arrested." And so I start the story, relaying the details as I know them.

It's now that I accept the situation. Spencer is being framed by a criminally sophisticated serial killer who organized a prison break from behind bars. There won't be evidence. No, actually, there will be evidence and it will all be planted to point to my boyfriend. The minimum sense for murder is twenty years and the maximum is life. No matter what, he's going away for a long time or for forever. I might never see him in my bed again, or on my balcony, or buy a house with him, or have a family with him.

And so I cry to Jenna for hours. She misses The Bachelor and she has no idea who gets sent home or who gets a rose, but I don't think she cares. She listens to me cry over my tainted life plans. The wedding I'll never have. The kids I'll never birth. The mortgage I'll never pay. The college acceptance days I'll never attend. The birthday parties I'll never throw. It may never happen. And I've never been a pessimist, but this is the perfect time to be one.

I know that I fall asleep on the phone with her because when I wake up, my phone is on the floor of the room and it's still unlocked, telling me that it's nearly three in the morning. I'm wide awake and plagued with memories of the times I used to sit in bed with Spencer at this early morning time, eating Chinese food or ice cream and sometimes playing dumb card games that he lets me win or watching movies in a language I don’t speak or teaching him how to braid my hair.

I leave the dark interview room and wander into the dimly lit bullpen, finding right away that the four members of the BAU that are in the country are still in the conference room. They're working through the night and I wish I had the energy in me to thank them.

I push open the doors with every intention of forcing yself to have to energy to thank the team, but I pause when I get to Spencer's desk. His cardigan is still on the back of his chair, and there are more books covering the desk than I’ve ever seen. My pinky promise note has never moved from its spot on his computer and there are now two framed pictures of me on the desk. One is the same one that's hanging in my apartment, and the other is just me on my balcony, grinning at the camera. I hated the picture at the time and I still hate it now. Clearly, Spencer loved it enough to get it developed and put it on his desk. Every time I come here and see this picture, it makes me fall in love with Spencer just a little bit more.

I sit in the cardigan-covered chair and open the top drawer, finding basic office supplies. The next drawer is full of case files and paperwork that I don't have the stomach to go through, and besides, I'm sure I'd be the next to get arrested if I go through them. Federal business and all. I already know what is in the bottom drawer but I open it anyway, and I find that the stash of snacks I supply is still held there. I smile when I find that there are new snacks there, meaning that Spencer has finally learned and eats more when he's at work, even taking it upon himself to buy things other than what I provide for him.

I swivel the chair to the other side and open the only drawer on that side. This drawer is filled with the sketchbook/journals that I've provided for him, and at this point in our relationship, after two years, I've provided him with six already and he's working on his seventh. Each one is decorated differently and uniquely and each one is filled with whatever Spencer decides. I also find one of my hair scarves in here but I don't dare to touch it. I lost this scarf very early in our relationship and I realized I left it at Spencer's apartment, and I knew he'd never give it back to me. I steal his clothes and he steals my hair scarves.

The last thing I find is Spencer's medallion and I quickly pull that out, slamming the desk drawer closed. I'm not sure what to think of this. Did he leave it behind because he was tired of being sober? Did he leave it here on accident? Did he leave it here because he was framed and he didn't plan on getting drugged in a foreign country? I juggle the medallion between my fingers like I've seen Spencer do so many times and wonder if Spencer remembers his promise. I wonder if he remembers that he promised to always come home to me, that he'll always go north and he'll come home to me. Does he remember that?

"Hey," Penelope leans against the desk, giving me a small smile, "I've got a tiny bit of good news."

"Good news?" I echo, not at all convinced. How could they have good news that's tiny? The only good news in my book right now would be Spencer is released from custody.

"Yeah," she nods eagerly, "it turns out that the woman who was killed was a Mexican and an American citizen. The case was just extradited! They were gonna move Spencer to El Diablo Maximum Security Prison but instead, he's gonna go to federal jail here and await his trial."

I just nod at this news, because it's not really good. He's not proven innocent, in fact, plenty of people seem to think he's guilty if he was supposed to go to a Mexican prison. He still has to go to jail and stay there to wait for his trial and he still has to be proven innocent. It's not good news.

"Amelia, it's good, I promise. This means that we can control the case." But I still don't look up from the medallion as it passes between my fingers, and I only look up when she speaks again. "They're on their way back now and they're stopping by here first before bringing him to the federal jail."

"Really? Am I gonna be allowed to see him?" I perk up, the medallion rolling out of my fingers as I jump to my feet.

"Yeah! He's supposed to keep his handcuffs on but if we get you guys into an interview room or something, I'm sure we can make an exception for you," Penelope rubs her hand up and down my arms, smiling. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but everything's gonna be okay."

I scoff out a laugh, already retreating back to my lonely interview room. "It's funny, that's what I said to Spencer when he was upset over a case once. Guess I was wrong."

///

"Amelia, he's here." Penelope beams, waving me out of the interview room.

When I get to the elevator, Spencer is already hugging JJ. She sighs as she's nudged by his jacket-covered, handcuff-bound hands, hugging him as best as she can. I hear her promise the handcuffs are only because there are other people around, and Spencer nods in understanding. He looks horrible- exhausted and disheveled and nothing like the man I fell in love with. But as soon as I see him, a new wave of overwhelming, painful emotions wash over me.

Spencer lays eyes on me and his face crumbles, stepping past JJ to get to me. "I'm sorry," he whispers, but I'm not quite sure what it is he's apologizing for. There's a mountain of things it could be for. But I don't care.

I forget all the horrible things I was thinking before and pull the jacket away from his hands, ducking down and moving inside his circled arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. I squeeze him as tight as I can because I know he can't really hug me properly, and I hear him sigh contently. He melts into my embrace. His arms just hang around my waist but I barely pay mind to them. He's here and that's all I care about. He’s here and he’s touching me and he’s not okay, but he is alive and that’s all I care about.

"Are you okay?" I murmur into his neck, my eyes closed.

"No," he answers, and while I'm happy with his honesty, I'd do anything to change that answer. "I relapsed. After all those years, I relapsed."

"Spencer," I pull away and put my hands on his cheeks, staring into his red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes, "did you do it? Did you kill that woman and did you take those drugs and did you intend to distribute that stuff?"

"No, absolutely not," he answers quickly, shaking his head. "I-I was there," he looks over to make sure the team has left and they have, to give us privacy, "to get medication for my mom. I'm missing time from the drugs but that's the only thing I'm sure of. The medicine she was on wasn't helping and I found this experimental treatment but this doctor would only give it to me in Mexico and Scratch must have found out and used it against me and I'm so, so sorry, Amelia."

"Okay," I whisper back, nodding. "I believe you, dove. Whatever you tell me, I believe, you know that. The team believes you too and they're doing everything they can to prove your innocence."

He glances into the doors of the bullpen where the team is surely debriefing, now together after almost a week of being apart. Then Spencer brings his gaze back to me and rests his forehead against mine. "Are you okay? You look tired."

"Don't worry about me," I give him a tiny smile. "You worry about you."

"You had a panic attack." He quickly concludes, his face contorting into one of concern. "Where were you? Were you alone? Were you-"

"I was at home and I was with JJ and Penelope, but you know that you're the only one who helps. Anyone other than you just makes them worse. But it's fine, I'm fine. Don't waste your energy on me."

Spencer sighs, resigned, his eyes fluttering for a moment. "Can I give you a kiss?"

I savor the kiss. I savor the moment. I savor the way Spencer tries to get his hands on my back. I know that life is changing for a while. My pessimism is rearing its ugly head and I can't stop it. And whether I'm the only pessimist here or nobody else is confessing what they're thinking, I'm the only one acting on it, it seems. I kiss Spencer with everything I have because as soon as he's here, he's gone. He's sitting in a jail cell and he's staring at all without me and without his team. But this is the change that life has brought us. A change that I refuse to adapt to.

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