Always found the they never broke up tag rlly stupid tbh, their discographies exist. From the first albums to the last, there’s always mention of heartbreak, a split, the joy of getting back together sort of (thinking of lucky again and tbsl here), but then again I could be reaching

I don't think it's reaching when you read those lyrics and think, huh, wonder what this repeated motif across five albums is all about, huh, wonder if it's possible that two people can have a tumultuous relationship and document it ALL OVER the place. You wanna see a reach? I've got some unhinged chess posts for ya lmao

I'm so excited !! I will be going to look at a house next year. It's not available on the market yet until the 16th. I am set on this house because of the area so I will wait to see what it looks like inside. I am set on it so I'm really hoping it's not a fucked up house. Whether I'm in a relationship or not I will have my OWN house. Unlike them homeless hoes that seek a relationship to have a place to stay. Or that stupid fat Italian bitch the crazy 40 yr old was with . If he wanted to be with her, he would have stopped her from moving when she was In philly. And also when she moved and he came to visit for 2 weeks . He would have rented an apartment already to prove he serious. I looked up rent in kansas its cheaper than philly. She know she ugly as fuck and she in denial and making herself sound like she's wanted. And also he tried to string me along saying stay with him in the current house for 5 years so when he sells it he makes more money to buy a bigger house. I'm already seeing alot red flags with him and his stupid ass homeless hoe family. Hes not speaking up for me .The sister and husband is unstable welcoming more runaway homeless bitches and then lying and making corny post to make them look good . That's the only bitch her fat son can get. A homeless hoe that is submissive because the min she argue with them she will be kicked out. They all liars and hoes looking to breed and get married so they have a place to stay .they said her family is rich, own properties, own a nail salon etc. but why is the bitch inside a fat dudes parents house to this day. If they are so rich why don't they get her an apartment or give her a house. Why does she have to park and stay in someone else's house for 2 years . They fronting and lying . I don't like people who ask about me behind my back, spying on me out of jealousy, making snide comments about my business but their shit stinks. and then hyping an actual loser bitch up. Her actions speak for herself and his neice is still homeless in her moms basement. I see why they both best friends. Two corny homeless bitches go hand in hand . Trust me , if her family is rich. They will never ever let her stay in some fat dudes parents house in the hood. They will make sure she goes to college and she has a place to stay. I don't lie like that and I don't need to hide my business . I'm praying if my realtor can check for an earlier date. The faster I get out the faster i feel like im free with my own space. I know the ugly ass fat bitch in kansas is jealous because i look better and is smarter she waiting for the relationship to end. He still has pics of me and him on fb. He can either apologize to me or be alone in his small piece of shit house. U can be in a relationship with other people and visit them from your own house. I'm done living with another piece of shit. It's all types of issues when one isn't working and doesn't have a life and their family is jealous of u and he's not speaking up. I didn't ask him for money back in early August 2020. This was before I even pass my exam and got thus job. We both decided he goes back to his mom's house to play his stupid league of legend game. The man downstairs didn't make any noise at that time because I wasn't really working. The man downstairs is another one of them welfare disability people that doesn't work they stalk u all day and watch your routine. I stopped talking to him at night for only one week. He hurried up and came back right away to open another internet in my apartment . Thats on him . He's crazy . If he didn't open internet in my house, I already have Comcast. We wouldn't see each other or argue. If I don't get that house I'm going to see then I will be really sad. But I don't know yet. Gotta wait till it hits the market .

2/21/23

Yep. Well. Today was a bit tougher.

I caught up on sleep but had really intense dreams. Again, didn't record them. I guess because I don't really have a practical use for them. I would absolutely love to have an ongoing art project that is just... recording dreams and turning them into something. It's been a... dream... of mine for a long time. I love that part of the human experience, it's something that even with all the technology and shit we have, all the research we've done, all the human arrogance we've accumulated, we still can't really explain with any certainty. Sure, people can try, but I've been studying dreams off and on for over 15 years and I can say very confidently that those who claim to be approaching defining dreams from the most empirical "scientific" standpoint have presented the least scientific explanations.

The most common one is "random thought fragments" or something like "thought waste", as though dreaming is like... digestion... or something. Which really doesn't make any goddamn sense to me at all, I have no idea why anyone would assume the brain would work like that. Like... neurons are based entirely on logic pathways, and we want to assume - with zero evidence - that something that doesn't make sense at first glance must surely be random. As though "random" is like... a scientific term... There's no way it could just be something... we don't currently understand... Something that is connected, at a subconscious level, but we don't consciously understand that connection at that moment. Nope, let's just say with certainty that it's random sparks shooting through your brain at night, and that only happens when you dream, and it's the only time your brain works like this, with zero evidence to prove it, and refuse any other explanation and refuse to investigate it further. Science, folks! Sorry to the like 5 people who said that shit to me in my life, that is like... the exact opposite of the scientific method.

Anywho... I... doomscrolled in bed for 2.5 hours. Okay, more like 3-4 hours. The time just fucking disappeared. Reddit pulled me in. And I'll tell you what happens. Because I really need to take mental notes here of where I can get completely hyper-focused and then lose an entire day... I write a lot, right? I have a lot to say. I like to explain my thoughts completely and thoroughly, yet speak in a way that's conversational and approachable. But... it's usually no less than a couple paragraphs, regardless of what post I'm commenting on. And writing that takes a bit longer than writing this, because this is stream-of-consciousness. This has very minimal editing, if any at all. Rarely any at all, lately. But my edited writing, that takes a lot longer. Not just in the writing phase, but... I proofread it out loud... at least 3-4 times. And each time I go in and add edits, sometimes the edits can be up to a paragraph each. So a simple comment reply... can very quickly turn into an hour. Or two. And I'm so engrossed in it, that it feels like 15 minutes.

And then I don't even post it. I get worried that it's going to set someone off or something, or just tell myself to keep my nose out of other peoples' business... and I don't post. I really should, because it would do good things for my anxiety... but... I don't. And this morning, I did that like... 3 times. The whole process. Find a thread, write a comment, proof/edit like 3 times, then... delete. Then find another... repeat. Then I finally landed on the last one. Before I finally got up.

This person was in my state, they were looking for a coverup tattoo. They have some kind of cross tattoo in red, they wanted a pink triangle over it as a coverup, as a like... reclaiming queer rights or something gesture. I got what they were getting at, the symbolism, and that's cool and all. But they were... insisting on having a queer tattooist do it. And that is of course their right... no shit. But like... they were pretty cruel about why someone who is not queer couldn't... identify with it? or something? Or like... they couldn't do the job right? Like wouldn't even entertain the idea.

I wasn't even going to post anything, but they put up a follow up post with a picture that was like... people lined up in a concentration camp. And the title was... I'll just quote it "My last post was misunderstood and I cannot edit it. First, "wholesale" was a typo for "wholesome" and the only reason why I am ISO a queer artist is because I want someone who has been personally affected by the grave and systemic issues caused by the holocaust which are still affecting society now."

I commented. That I am a tattooist (former, but whatever, once a tattooist always a tattooist) whose grandfather was an intelligence officer who tracked down, discovered and liberated Birkenau. True story. And his parents were Jewish, or so the census said, and his were WWI refugees from Belarus/Russia. And a lot of my family's fuckeduppedness on my father's side I would attribute to trauma directly from that. And these issues directly caused by the holocaust are affecting my life every day, in very profound ways. My father is still very stunted because of how much it fucked up his dad, and he's in his 70's. And I didn't really get a dad because of that either. The domino effect is very real.

So... I commented because I absolutely have been personally affected by this. And said sorry, but pink will not cover up red, it's just how ink works, sorry to be the bearer of bad news. And then went on to send a bit of a message. Which scared me a bit, and fell on deaf ears, but I felt it was worth finally saying out loud.

I said, from one human to another, regardless of labels... maybe try to find a tattooist whose personality you click with, not one who ticks the correct political boxes. And it would mean a lot to them too, because tattooing is a very intimate thing, and it's always nicer to work with someone who values who you are as an individual, your personality, not what politics you subscribe to, or who you're attracted to, or your race or gender or religion. I said discriminating against people because of race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, political views, etc... regardless of narrative... is discrimination. Putting people in boxes, labeling them as "jew, gay, intellectual" strips them of their identity, their individuality. Which was... what the concentration camp picture they posted represented. It's dehumanizing. Those people with the pink patches on their chests were not a stock photo of "oppressed gays" to be used as political propaganda 80+ years later... those were individuals, with names and families, dreams, goals. They were people, just like us.

I wrapped up by saying that it takes some time and work and trust to really... reconcile all of that, and live by that. And that at the end of the day, we're all just mostly hairless apes trying to figure out where we fit on this chunk of rock hurling through space. And then I wished them well.

Their response? Just kinda garbled babbling about how they really felt they needed someone who was aligned with their political viewpoint. Basically... just repeating themselves as though I had said nothing. And, unfortunately, I'm getting a bit used to that feeling. Of speaking to no one, to say a page worth of sentiments and have it be treated as though I didn't even speak, just in one ear and out the other.

But that's how my morning started... afternoon I should say. I'm not proud of it, but I think I managed to turn it into something good.

The worst part of the message, that I didn't send... that I cut out... was that... putting people into boxes? Stripping people of their individual identities, labeling them as political tropes - gay, intellectual, "Gypsy", "Jew" - is exactly what the Nazis did. And it's how most political forces dehumanize their opponents. Like... it's right there in the verb. Dehumanize. Turn a person into a concept, then demonize the concept, then... no problem. And that shit is dangerous. So forgive me if I get upset, when you use a picture of people who have been dehumanized, branded with serial numbers, wearing identical uniforms and are "labeled" with symbols to tell what political category they fall into... forgive me if I'm a bit upset if you use that picture to... justify putting people into political boxes. Because... it just doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.

But... I'm guessing... we're just not really "there yet", for the most part. As a culture, as a species-wide culture. Hopefully we're getting better, but... we're not quite "there yet".

Anywho, I went straight from there to the yoga mat. It wasn't bad, just... the same frustration with my joints just... not moving or rotating the way I wish they would. But it was nice and a bit more relaxed than usual. Then I tried to meditate. And made it a few minutes. Then I heard, through my noise cancelling earbuds somehow, my phone vibrating on my desk.

It was my mom. And she was calling me with bad news. She called two car dealerships and there are no cars for several months that fit the bill. And she just... didn't contact the dealership she volunteered to. And I really tried to find out why she didn't text me immediately to let me know that she didn't call them. I was really upset. I wanted to know why she noticed something that made her go "I shouldn't call the dealership, I should check with him first" and then she... didn't immediately check with me. It confused me, and really upset me. And then she went and contacted other dealerships, which I don't remember asking her to do? Maybe I did, I don't know? It wasn't like... bad, it was just like... it kinda felt like taking over and not consulting with me... when it's super easy to consult with me. It was just... it was odd. And again, I didn't think it would be a fight, I just thought it would be... "oh yeah, just text me if something like that comes up." But it just turned into this whole thing, and it got dragged out for well over an hour again. And the whole conversation - which luckily wasn't all bad, it actually had a lot of good in it - ended up being like 4+ hours because of that. I think we came out of it with a solution. I just can't even tell if I was like... overreacting. I'm just trying really hard to not stuff my emotions down, especially while grieving, to work through them and express myself freely. It helps tremendously with my confidence. But it very often does not feel safe to express negative emotions. Especially around my family. Good lord. Yeah, like... it is super unsafe for me to express negative emotions around my family. Which is a shame, because that includes... sadness... and grief... and panic... stuff that family really is supposed to be there and support you with. Even anger is something it's really helpful to have someone support you in processing. But... I had to learn solo. And with therapists, they get credit too.

But that absolutely is a common thread, not just with my mom... but with both of my brothers and my father. My whole family. I have big emotions. Loud emotions, I guess. I'm sensitive. I feel a lot. And I've learned, trial by fire, that I need to express and process those emotions or else it can have some pretty bad physical effects on me. Like... it was having rough physical effects on me in my teens and 20's. In my physical prime. And I'm in my mid-30's now. I want to be fair to myself and give myself lots of room to get my body into good shape and all that, and I plan to. But... let's be honest. My body is not ever going to be as resilient, have as much endurance or bounce-back as it did in my late teens/early 20's. It just won't. And my repression of my emotions in that time was so bad that it had me in and out of hospitals with "mysterious illnesses" for years. And 1) I don't want to even imagine how those "illnesses" manifest now, in my 30's, and 2) I have developed the skills to manage and process those emotions worlds better than I ever have. Like leaps and bounds. It's absolutely insane. I still fuck up, and I still have lots and lots of work to do, the work never ends... but I really have to give myself credit.

I wish my family did too. But my guess is that... they don't really feel comfortable around emotions... in general. And that might be a bit foreign. And overwhelming. And unpredictable. And seem unsafe. And they are afraid they might... set off a powderkeg or something? I guess? Like emotions are... by default... unstable? And maybe, from the perspective of people who really didn't put a lot of (if any) time into emotional processing, learning about emotions, processing them, all that... that might just be their understanding and experience of what emotions are... just... in general?

And then I walk in. And I start asking questions to figure out what's going on in my mom's head... with a tone that sounds... frustrated? hurt? angry? Maybe a blend of them all? And it just sets off every damn alarm bell in existence, all hands to battle stations. And it creates an impossible situation, at least it did today. Because the focal point of why I'm upset (which a lot of people will vaguely allude to, or hint at, or not even mention at all and make you dig for...) I will state right off the bat the best I can and try to lead the conversation towards an understanding of not just what specific part I'm upset about, but show them where in the chain of events it happened. But it just gets deflected. Topics get changed. Questions go unanswered. Because they are perceived as tricks. Traps. And it sucks.

I'm compelled to go "maybe I need to work on emotional management right now, maybe I need to pump the breaks on that." And yeah, honestly, I don't need to get that upset. But it was a big deal to me, at very least conceptually. The concept was really important. Just like... keep me posted, and text me. Include me. Please. It doesn't bother me. It's not intrusive. People never text me. EVER. I live alone. I have no friends. I rarely even check my phone when I feel it vibrate anymore. I haven't been in a state where I'm checking my phone to see if it's vibrating from texts in... probably over 2 years? Maybe more? So... it doesn't bother me. It makes me feel included. In the recent past, I've regularly requested friends text me more. It makes me feel like someone is actually thinking of me. And the worst part? The rest of my family text each other all the time. So... yeah. It just stopped happening for me. And I'm sure it's because she thinks she's bothering or interrupting me, in which case I'll just... not respond or something. I feel rude doing that, and I want to start just saying "I'm busy" or "I'll get back to you". But like. Yeah. That's all. That's all it was. And it turned into an hour fight. And that shit takes a toll on both of us.

But she hit the jackpot on her furniture search, and I'm super grateful for her taking the time to head out on a second trip. This place that's a local woodshop that's been around since I was in highschool has some really cool pieces and they seem affordable too. I'm actually pretty excited. It's like things are starting to come together.

But the car situation. Not so much. And I'm okay with public transit and all that if I need to. Though... one of the reddit posts I was going to comment on and never posted... was a thread about someone writing racial slurs on a bus stop sign in my neighborhood. And they were losing their shit. And I actually took the "it's just kids being stupid, please don't make them famous" approach, and I genuinely do agree with that. But it also planted "you're in a city, this isn't safe" seeds in there too. Which sucks.

In stark contrast to this, I had a little nostalgic moment with my mom re-living my 5-day solo road trip. Where I had no real destination, just a physical map and a phone... a GPS (2012ish so pretty new at the time) my mom gave me that I used as a second speedometer... I wanted to use the map... XD Aaaaand my guitar, and maybe my skateboard? But maybe not. At that age, my self-preservation reflex was much more chill. Maybe a bit... too chill... but that's arguable. Now? Now I'm scared to get on a bus in a tiny city that literally any other city in the US would look at and go "bro, that's a town."

Trauma does that. I think a lot of people have learned that since the pandemic, those who were notably traumatized by the whole experience, and rightfully so. 9/11 did it too. It makes sense. Trauma very quickly turns into a need to keep things safe, because you know what happens if you're not. And the world looks much scarier, and more dangerous. And I'm definitely living that. It's such a weird effect. I will go out and get groceries and think "the world is so much less safe than it was in my 20's". But it was really pretty much the same then, I just didn't really care or notice. I just didn't think anything was going to happen to me. I was confident, and a bit more grounded, honestly? And then some shit struck close to home. A friend of a friend being murdered by his brother. One of my best friends' sister dying in a car accident like 50 yards from her family's house. A friend going into a coma and dying. A college buddy being murdered by his step mom. My own brushes with death in fluke accidents. Deaths of pets in the family. Yeah, I'm noticing a theme here. Hi Death, how's it going? Glad you could join the conversation. Kinda pissed you had to take my cat so early, I thought we had a bit more time together. But I'm sure you're just doing your job.

So... I'm guessing a lot of this inflation of my fear of consequences, fear of society and the world and the outside and all that... is just really processing at a very real level how fleeting and delicate life is. And the impulse is to be safe safe safe safe safe. But how satisfying of a life can you live from inside a fallout shelter? I mean... if you had to, like if there's an actual nuclear disaster and you're reading this Tumblr post for some reason - 1) I have no clue how you are doing this, but I guess your welcome for giving you something to read that isn't an advertisement. 2) please do stay inside, because a slow and agonizing death is very likely in your situation. 3) please try really hard to be a good, kind, loving, compassionate person when you restart civilization, and remember that those qualities are some of our most unique and best traits. Not just being really crafty and making complicated gadgets. We're one of the few species that will nurse another species back to health. That's a beautiful thing and it's worth keeping and celebrating.

But if you're not in a post-apocalyptic wasteland... (and I guess the jury's kinda still out on that one in some ways...) you have to go out on a limb to get the fruit in life. You have to take chances, push yourself. And how to balance that with being safe? That's a real art. One that I'm still working on, that I find exceedingly difficult to manage alone. I mean this sincerely, I think it's much easier to take risks if you have someone there to catch you, or at least pick you up when you fall and go "you did good, you just needed a little more speed, give it another try, you got this." Skating metaphors, man. Skating did so much good for me. For real, if you want to see healthy support and all this stuff I'm talking about, go watch pro skaters out on street skating trips together. I love watching those. Everyone is constantly cheering and encouraging and playing. They feed off each other, and everyone gets better for it. Everyone skates better when everyone's stoked, because you see your friend push a bit harder and actually land it, then it inspires you, then you do the same and it inspires others. It's a wonderful thing. I miss it greatly, and honestly... I really should do this...

I should get a board. There's a skate shop on that main car-less street I've been talking about. I should get a new complete. When it gets a bit warmer? Maybe even now. I should head to the concrete park by the lake. And I should make a video series documenting my improvement skating. I legit would give anything to have a friend to do this with, where I filmed them and they filmed me. But if I don't have that option, I'll just have to risk getting my phone stolen while I'm skating trying to film myself with a tripod. Or just... not film it. Like I unfortunately did with snowskating this year.

Either way. I should embrace not being very good. And set goals. And focus on the progress. I did that towards the end of fall. I had never learned truck grinds, any kind, ever. I've done boardslides and noseslides, but never truck grinds. So I decided to try, and I started to pick them up a bit within the first few tries. And the same with dropping in and rock to fakie, I always did manuals and curbs and low ledges and shit, never any transition. So... give it a shot. Then it's much easier to take risks within the style of skating you're already used to skating in.

No matter how I go about it, I think it'll do good things for me.

I've been writing way too long. I'm heading to bed.

How You Met The TR Boys

PC: Google! This hotheaded, yet oh so level headed boy, man oh man, could I tell you that this boy is literally in my top 3 for comfort characters.

Missed the last meetings? Catch Up Below:

Mitsuya Takashi

Ken 'Draken' Ryuguji

Manjiro 'Mikey' Sano

So after I finish up the main TR boys, I'll be doing some boys from the other gangs! So there will be some character spoilers but I will try to keep it manga spoiler free!

CW: Swearing (I honestly suck at this warning because its very rare for me to not curse for certain characters, so bare with me okay?) THIS ONE HAS A TEENY TINY SPOILER, BUT Y'ALL CAN SQUINT RIGHT PAST IT OKAY? Thank you 🥰

Keisuke Baji: He really is a sweet boy at heart, but his ferocious nature is a force to be reckoned with and we all know he isn't one to back down from a challenge. He definitely doesn't need to prove himself but that doesn't stop him.

“C‘mon don’t be pussies! It’s just a boxing place, it’ll help with those cheap shots you throw Chifuyu!” Baji teased, flashing his vampiric grin at his friend who playfully shoved his shoulder to the side. “Shut up.” Chifuyu mumbled as the rest of the TOMAN boys laughed in unison at the little interaction. Baji swung open the door wide, nearly shattering the glass against the adjacent wall “I have returned!” Baji hollered from the front door catching the attention of several existing boxers who only rolled their eyes at his ‘little’ entrance before returning to their original positions. “Yo! It’s the manic kid!” An older man yells to someone in the back away from the TOMAN boys view as they follow Baji, who was currently striding to the older man.

“Well, today is Friday. You said your best fighter would be here but I’m only seeing old news.” Baji declared, sliding his tongue across his teeth before letting it rest under one of his long fangs. “Vampy boy. You’re a cocky one huh?” A voice said behind the TOMAN boys causing them all to turn in the direction of the voice, only to reveal a girl who stood dead center, carefully wrapping the bandage around her knuckles. “Yeah, so what? I got all the reasons to be. Kicked everyone’s ass in here.” He stated, as he began moving away from the counter to stand directly in front of her, nearly towering over her frame. “Everyone? Sensei, you fought Vampy Boy?” She asked leaning to the side of Baji to look behind him as the older man chuckled while shaking his head. He slowly got up from his seat as he walked away from the counter.

“You wanted the best kid. Remember that. Those were your words.” He said as his final statement before disappearing into the locker room. Baji scoffed at the older man’s comment sizing the girl in front of him. “You’re the best? Damn, then I guess this place is perfect for you, Chifuyu.” Baji exclaimed as the girl chuckled softly “Which one of you is Chifuyu?” She asked leaning to the other side of Baji to look over at the TOMAN boys, carefully watching an embarrassed Chifuyu shyly raise his hand but his eyes remained glued to the ground. She smiled at the shy boy before moving away from Baji to stand before Chifuyu. “Let me ask you something, 2 or 5?” She asked as Chifuyu raised his gaze to look at her with a puzzled expression, but he was only met with a sweet smile displayed across her lips. “Um.. 2, I guess?” He replied hesitantly, shrugging his shoulders as she nodded, turning back to Baji.

“Alright, your friend has spoken. I’ll only use 2 moves to take you down.” She said watching Baji’s face crack into a wickedly wide smile, she was doing nothing more than fueling him up. He was always one for a competition, it was in his nature, he refused to turn back from any challenge presented to him “Baji. You can’t fight her, she’s a girl.” Mitsuya chimed in, almost breaking the tension that was growing in Baji. But her laugh severed that thought in Baji’s mind.  “That’s fine. You don’t have to worry about that Baji. Unless, that’s your way of backing down. Don’t tell me you’re all fangs and no bite?” She teased feigning a sad pout, creeping closer to Baji as he laughed. “You wish, princess.” He mumbled as he prepared his fist at his sides. “You wanna do this here?” He asked, looking around surveying the space as she nodded, “I don’t need that much space.” She explained as he nodded, tying his hair into a tight slicked back ponytail.

Baji was always ready, it didn’t take him much convincing to beat someone, but she inspired a whole new flame within him, he didn’t just want to beat her, he wanted her to eat her words. He studied her stance, cautiously watching her feet and just as he was going to make the first move, she made quick work of her space, as she extended her arm almost as if she was going for a punch, faking the move as her frame lowered itself from his view. Crouching down, kicking her foot across the floor connecting her force with his ankles, catching him completely off guard. Baji stumbles back as she sits herself on his torso holding his arms above his head “That was cheap shit.” Baji snapped as she smirked, leaning further down until her lips were near his ear. “It was, but I don’t see you fighting me. What happened, Vampy Boy? Where was all that cocky shit you were talking about?” She whispered before moving away from his ear.

Baji chuckled slowly as he lifted his body upwards “Keep talking.” He taunted before turning his body under her hold, flipping their hands as he pulled her off and down onto the ground, with him now straddling her torso. “Tsk tsk tsk.” You think that weak shit is cute huh princess?” He asked against the shell of her ear, feeling a shiver run through her body under him. Once he had moved his face up from her ear to now look at her, Baji noticed exactly how close their faces were, and that’s when he noticed the faint scar that ran across her face, from her eyebrow to her lips, completely forgetting where they were for a split second he broke off the grip from their hands, causing a confused look to appear on her face as she tried to bring her hands down from above her head.

Even though Baji’s mind was focused on other things, he wasn’t going to let her be completely free. Using one of his hands to grip both of her wrists as he placed them back above her head allowing his other hand to carefully trace over the scar “What happened there?” He asked softly, his hardened eyes growing softer as he felt the depth of the scar, fighting back the urge to hiss at the rigid skin, he could only imagine the pain.

“Something horrible that made me the best fighter in here.” She snapped moving her face away, and just like that Baji knew he screwed up. His touch became somewhat toxic to her as she roughly broke one of her hands free using all her force from her hand and knee to push him off of her. Sending him back onto the floor, but not too far from where she was now sitting.  “Nice match, Vampy Boy.” She commented before getting up from the floor and walking away from the TOMAN boys with such a haste as she unwrapped her hands, as Baji noted the shaking within them, he assumed it was just nerves from no longer being considered the best in the club, but unfortunately for him, he couldn't be any more wrong. “It’s Baji!” Baji called out taking account of her overall change in demeanor, she wasn't the same playful tease from when they first walked through the door. “Well then, nice match Baji!” She flagged him down before disappearing into the back.

“Her name’s (Y/L/N) (Y/N), by the way. Since you were so interested in her scar.” One of the patrons snapped at Baji as Smiley scoffed, as something clicked within him.  “Her brother was killed by the Black Dragons.” Angry then followed up his brother's statement “They used her as bait to get her brother.”, the twins looked over at Baji who only nodded. “You know kid, you're honestly lucky you still have two legs. Last guy who mentioned that scar.. Well it didn't end so well for him.” The patron continued as a visible shiver ran down his spine, causing him to jump at the memory.

“Me and you (Y/N)! I want a real match!” Baji declared loudly, causing the girl to walk from the backroom, still clearly shaken up from earlier. “You know what? You’re fucking on Baji. No rules. No weapons. You want an early grave? Fine by me, who am I to stop you.” She declared her nearly cracking her composure in the process as Baji nodded. “I’ll be waiting. So don’t take too long training for me, ’kay princess?” He lightly teased, winking at her causing a small smile to appear on her face as she flipped him off before disappearing into the back once more “You know where to find me!” She finished as Baji nodded before turning towards the front door, this may have been their first meeting but it would definitely not be their last.

“i fucking love you” “hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober” omg please 😭

I CAN DO THIS! With the boy because... I've been feeling him since his vlive omg please make him exit my brain ;_; Also holy heck I don't know how to depict platonic drunk people, I feel like it's been so long since I've socialized that I'm just stunted of all memories LOL.

JJK x Reader Roommate!JK and Older!Reader Rated T for mentions of alcohol/drunkeness & minor swearing Remember, never drink & drive, folks! xxx

---- It was 2:47 AM on Saturday morning when your phone rang for the first time. Your eyelashes scraped themselves open to squint at the screen, a GGUKIE flashing menacingly in bright white. Your eyebrows instantly knit close.

' Really? '

You slid the phone to 'ignore', threw it back on the shelf and rolled back over to the cooler, empty side of your bed. Again, nearly 20 seconds after, the Super Mario theme went off unexpectedly like a siren, nearly launching you from your cozy spot. You glared at the flashing screen, half debated ignoring the call *again* just to prove a point.

Jungkook was old enough to know not to disturb you after a long day at work. He was 23 years old and thriving; you were 27 and dying at your 9-5 with "voluntary" overtime. You passed on his invitation to the club earlier that night to catch up on your rest after the long week and truthfully didn't expect your roommate to call you this late into the evening. Jungkook was usually responsible when he went out. Key word there is usually. He usually knows to call an uber this late at night after his galivants on the town with 'the boys'. You, as his older roommate, were not going to be there at his beck and call every time he wanted a free ride home. You were only to be called if he had no other options. 'But', the thought rang in your head, 'what if it's not about a ride home?'

'What if he's in danger? Or hurt? Or he ran out of money or got locked out of his bank account again and he's stranded at the bar and stuck doing dish duty? Are you such a bad person that you wouldn't pick up the damn phone?? Then YOU'RE the asshole who got him killed because YOU wanted your beauty sleep.' So? You answered. "... Hello?" "Hey!!! (Y/N)!!!," was barely heard over the bumping bass of the club he was currently in. "Hey! Hey I have a--- hey! H- Can you hear me? Noooooonnaaaaa~~~~ Can you hear me now??"

The background noises were fading in and out and all around. All you could do was pull the phone away from your ear so your eardrum didn't explode until the vibrations had disappeared. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you collapsed backwards back onto your pillow, running a hand through your hair "Yes, yes, Ggukie, I'm here, what's going on?" "I-I wanted to tell you something! Something really really REALLYYY important!" His giggling nearly covered the slur in his speech, but you didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know that your younger roommate was absolutely, schknockered; just straight, pissfaced drunk. You could imagine the red pinch to his cheeks and him smiling so damn hard, his eyes were hidden behind his long lashes.

"Mhmm? And what's that, Gguk?" "I met this guy tonight and he said he knew you! And he dated you!" Your throat tightened. Huh? An ex? At the club? Wait, how did he know Jungkook? How did you even come up in conversation? "Wha-?" "I don't know, Joo-, Jae, Jun-something, I don't remember... Doesn't matter. ANYWAY I told him, you know what I told him? I couldn't wait to tell you~" He was still giggling to himself, stifling a laugh. You could nearly see him scrunching his bunny nose, trying to cover the lower half of his face with his open hand.

"I told him he made the worst mistake of his life because no one is NICER or COOLER or KINDER or just plain ol' BETTER than you! And he just kinda like, rolled his eyes at me, but I-I-I didn't really care because I live with you, so I know THE TRUTH about you! A-and he just like, grumbled, that you were just too different and that we probably have fun living together, and.. yeah. BUT I TOLD HIM! And I had to tell you!! So yeah!"

Your brain was numb; practically vibrating, in fact. Jungkook, sweet, eloquent Jungkook, was WAY out of his element here, fumbling over his words and thoughts. He sounded- he sounded like a school kid talking about his favorite teacher or something. Were you THAT geriatric at this point? You flushed your cheeks and let your palm hit your forehead. "Thank you... for defending my honor? I guess? Listen, are you coming home soon? It's really late now and I'd like some more shut eye if I can. We can finish this conversation in the morning."

"Huh? Oh... mmhmm I think so... Bar called last calls so... But I bought a round of shots for the guys and Tae suckered me out of some cash for the jukebox so I goooooooooot...," You heard the man fumble around for his wallet and take a minute to attempt to count his cash. "... $3, a condom and the number to a very busty bartender with some dark blue eyeshadow that my mom would have wore in the 70's. That should get me home, right?" His tone was meek. This kid was gonna make you grey and he wasn't even your BOYFRIEND. You huffed, throwing your hair already into a messy bun. Begrudgingly, you muttered a single sentence: " Which club are you at?"

A gasp of air. "(Y/N)!!!! THANK YOU! YOU'RE THE GREATEST."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you're lucky I picked up the phone because I thought you were dying or something..." You slid your feet into your night slippers and grabbed one of his hoodies that were hanging off the back of his door to throw on your bare chest. He wouldn't miss it for a few days. He doesn't even realize when you steal some of his t-shirts and wear them around the house, for chrissakes. "Can.. Can we take Tae and Jimin home too? They're uh... they're not much better than me in the money department right now... but we'll pay you back! We'll take you to a nice brunch tomorrow!" A pause. You grabbed your keys on the way out and locked the door. 'Aw, what the hell.' "BRUNCH. Yeah, sure. I'm out anyway. But you dolts better wake up IN TIME for brunch or I'm never picking your asses up again."

"I fucking love you."

You heart squelched in your chest. A pang like shattered glass constricted full-on in your rib cage. You smiled deftly, slamming your car door closed behind you.

“Hang up, Jungkook, and tell me that when you’re sober, kay? Be there in 20. Be out front and waiting."

Too Tired For This

[Art credits]

Pairing : Portgas D. Ace ✗ Reader

Genre : Fluff, Humor, One-Shot

Content Warning : Strong Languange

Word Count : 830

─ sleeping in the same room with ace is proving to be extremely annoying to you because at 2am, you'll be trying to sleep and ace would randomly start singing "this is halloween" from the god damn nightmare before christmas like it isn’t the middle of fucking august.

Today was a very eventful day, if i dare to say. And by 'eventful' i mean :

1.] Ace making his division scream "WE WILL ROCK YOU!" at incoming enemy marines ships

2.] Followed by the Marine's terrified screams when Ace walked into their battleship buck naked. Reasoning that the weather was 'too hot' even though he's literally f i r e

"Ace what the hell-yoi?!"

"What??"

"Don't 'what' me, why the fuck did you go there without ANYTHING on?!"

"It was getting too hot for my liking!"

"YOU'RE LITERALLY FIRE-YOI!"

"Ok and???"

“GURARARARA!”

3.] You had to like?? Bail ace 6 or 7 times out of the water everytime he fell over the railings.

4.] And the chaos doesn't stop there. Ace whined and practically begged marco to let him breed a set of den den mushi so he can get a baby one and name him 'squishy' , quoting :

“I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy”

5.] He overheard Izo talking about something along the lines of ‘Sugar Daddy’ and when he found out what it meant, he would NOT stop calling pops ‘Sugar Daddy’

“QUIT referring pops as ‘Sugar Daddy’-yoi! He is in no way shape or form a Sugar daddy!”

“I beg to differ.”

6.] Ace practically dragged you out of your cabin to go explore an island that was getting near via striker.

7.] And when you both got there, you were greeted with a giant oh not so friendly looking werewolf bat furry thing. Leading to a unnecessary human chase and a now burnt forest.

“...Uh”

“What the hell is..that thing?”

“How the hell am i supposed to know?! You dragged my ass in this mess!”

Ace averted his gaze to you and gave you his trademark grin that SCREAMS trouble.

“..Whatever youre thinking… dont.”

“I didnt even say anything yet!”

“You dont need to say anything when your face is a literal open book to read! and i am NOT liking what your face is displaying right now.”

Ace turns towards the beast and reached a hand out to pet them, “Awh come on! Dont you just wanna pet this cute little anima-”

As if on cue, the furry friend lunges towards ace and almost took one of his fingers off, causing ace to have a little bleed on his finger due to the beast’s sharp canines.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Ace stumbles backwards

Your jaw dropped in shock

“Wait.. it left a graze?? Aren’t you a logia user?”

The beast growls again before lunging towards both you and ace

“DOES THAT THING KNOWS HOW TO USE HAKI?!” Ace yelled as he starts to make a run for it

“FUCK YOU ACE THIS IS YOUR FAULT!”

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THING HAS BUSOSHOKU HAKI?!”

8.] When you arrived in the Moby Dick, covered in dirt, mud, tree branches, and some banana peels (it somehow got stuck on ace’s hair and made him look like marco), needless to say.. The first division commander was not happy of the magical sight that was infront of him.

“What the hell happened-yoi?!” Marco groaned

“Furry beast happened.” You and ace replied in unison.

──────

And now, here you are. Laying down in your shared bed with Ace.

Who was currently singing ‘This is halloween’ on the top of his lungs.

  ──────

Finally done cleansing yourself from all the things that got stuck on you when you were on a chase with Ace, you put on a simple oversized white t-shirt with comfortable cotton pants.

Exiting the bathroom, you immediately rush to your bed to get some shut-eye.

Noticing Ace already on the bed, you welcomed yourself as you cuddled with him. Looking for warmth.

“Hey now, since when was i your personal heater?”

“Since you asked me to go out with you.”

Ace merely chuckled in response, “Riiiiight. Goodnight honey.”

“Night.” And with that, you closed your eyes to get some shut-eye that you deserved.

Atleast thats what you thought.

Because not even 10 minutes later, just when you were almost going to dreamland, Ace fucking decides it would be a good time to sing.

“Boys and girls of every aaageee~”

Oh god.

“Wouldn’t you like to see something strange?”

Oh please no, have some mercy

“Come with us and you will see--”

“Ace.”

He stops singing for a second, looking towards my direction before sending me a look of confusion, “What?”

Sending him an annoyed look, i throw a pillow at his face.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“OW!”

“Thats what you get for bleeding my ears out.”

Ace chuckles in response as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

“Soorry~ I was bored”

“Why cant your narcolepsy kick in already..” I grumbled

“Alright, alright! I’ll stop, now go rest.” He nuzzles his face onto my neck

“Alright.. Goodnight..” I started dozing off again.

“This, our town of hallowee-”

“ACE!”

Said man was laughing his ass off.

end.

I have a genuin question but do you think that Sansa will become Queen in the North? I'm not sure anymore what her endgame will be in the books (the show doesn't count for me)

This is kind of a… sensitive topic, because there are certain people who will call you “anti-Sansa” if you answer anything less than “absolutely” to this question. The only reason this is a touchy conversation in the first place is because of the show.

So… I have not seen the final three episodes of the show. I only found out about the endings through other sources. The show doesn’t count for me either. None of the show endings for the characters made sense.

I dislike all of the show characters, and that includes Show!Sansa. I don’t like the storyline (something I share with GRRM), I don’t like the personality, I don’t like the costuming, I don’t like the way the actress was directed, I don’t like the ending. I hate how people say that “Sansa got the only good ending”. ?????? That ending is a horrible ending for Sansa. Alone in Winterfell, completely separate from her family? How the fuck is that a good ending? No. “Sansa becoming Queen in the North no matter what” is not the only “good ending” for her. I talked about this here.

And this isn’t to say I think it’s impossible for Sansa to end the story as QitN, I just think it’s improbable. Based on the current text, this is my ranking for who’s most likely to be ruling Winterfell/House Stark at the end of the story:

1. Bran (Will most likely be king, but we don’t know what exactly that means. What state will Westeros be in after the Long Night? I talk about that here.)

If (and that’s a big if) there is a separate leader of House Stark who isn’t Bran:

2. Arya (Already has an extensive amount of “leader of wolves”/”leader of the pack” symbolism. Her direwolf is named for Nymeria, a famous queen. Arya, through her wolf Nymeria, is a “queen of wolves”.)

3. Rickon (Bran’s heir, next male in line.)

4. Sansa (Eldest trueborn child. Has a line that people believe is foreshadowing for her show ending happening in the books.)

5. Jon (Named by Robb as his heir, although the will was written under the belief that Bran, Rickon, and Arya were dead. But just don’t think it would fit his story.)

(Also, we could definitely see a Pevensie siblings style ending, where they are all the Lords and Ladies/Princes and Princesses. Wish more people would talk about that. Could definitely see GRRM being inspired by that.)

So, the line that people refer to the most for “Sansa will be queen” theories is this:

"The only way to keep your people loyal is to make certain they fear you more than they do the enemy."

"I will remember, Your Grace," said Sansa, though she had always heard that love was a surer route to the people's loyalty than fear. If I am ever a queen, I'll make them love me. (Sansa VI, ACOK)

It bothers me because people tend to ignore the real importance of that line, and what it’s actually saying about Sansa as a character, as a person. The purpose of that line is not to “foreshadow that Sansa will definitely be queen”. The line ties into how Sansa believes “everyone wants to be loved”, and is hopeful in love, despite everything she’s gone through. It shows that Sansa believes more in the power of love than in the power of fear. She is not letting herself be influenced by what Cersei is trying to teach her. She doesn’t want to be like Cersei.

Which is not something that show!Sansa does. It’s been a long time since I saw the show, but a moment that sticks out in my head is where show!Sansa tells show!Jon that wildlings “have to fight for them because they owe Jon their lives”.

……..

Jon’s plot in ADWD involves him becoming the leader of the wildlings over time, as he earns their trust and support. He becomes their leader at the end of Jon XIII because they follow the man, and he has proved himself worthy. Not because they “owe” him something. Show!Sansa uses fear rather than love to secure loyalty. “You owe me your loyalty” rather than “I’ll earn your loyalty.”

Show!Sansa is a completely different character than Sansa Stark from A Song of Ice and Fire. Show!Sansa became the QitN, and that means absolutely nothing for the real Sansa.

Basically, I, as a book fan, feel no obligation to say that Sansa will be Queen in the North just because I want to stay on good graces with toxic show stans.

And no, I do not predict that Sansa will end the series as the Queen in the North. That doesn’t mean I’m against it, it just means I don’t see it happening. And if the show had never happened, this question would not be nearly as controversial as it is. Like, I feel the same way about saying “Sansa won’t be queen” as I do about saying “Rickon won’t die” or “Jon won’t be exiled beyond the wall” or “Cersei won’t be killed by a brick”.

TL;DR: I never thought about Sansa being queen until season 8 happened and everyone made it a debate. I don’t think she’ll be queen, the books don’t give me that implication.

(Also… Sansa would still be royalty, btw, she’d still be a princess. I don’t know why people treat it like she’d be a nobody if she isn’t queen at the end. She’s still a goddamn princess. She’d still be wearing a crown.)

@thismoleculeisacomedian

wait what is your opinion? Do you think he hated himself for being gay? (I disagree w/ that viewpoint, but would like to understand what it is & where it comes from.)

I definitely don't think Thomas hates himself for being gay — at any point in the series. I also don't think he ever moves away, internally, from "I am not the same as you, but I am not foul". I have seen people say that what happens in S5 is an indication of that and I completely disagree.

However.

I do think Thomas has low self-esteem for essentially the duration of the series, and I think he experiences self-hatred that is complicated by the fact that he is gay, surrounded by homophobia, and almost certainly a victim of complex trauma (also related to homophobia).

Thomas is confident in one thing over the course of the entire series, and this is his exceptional competence at work. He recognizes his own worth and takes pride in his actual value, which I think he actually sees very objectively. (Facebook moms, etc, do not agree with me here.) Wherever possible he makes himself indispensable, and it is in my opinion literally something he clings to as a reason to live.

(I also think he cares deeply about and, until S2/S3, has confidence in, his physical appearance. But that is a different piece.)

One of his most basic psychological needs is to be needed, and as part of this, to be contributing to something larger than him and to be essential to its functioning.

Literally in the very first episode of the entire series, we see that he is recognizing he may not have a place at Downton at all, and if he does, it isn't a place where he is valued and appreciated. This is a psychological threat—time and time again after this, we see him start to lose his head at the idea of instability.

How does he react?

By trying to make himself necessary elsewhere.

The amount of birds he is trying to get with one stone—

Give something that is necessary & desired to a man he loves

Resolve an issue at his workplace (I don't think he thought about this much but I do think it would have crossed his mind)

Escape a place he is not valued

Move upward in his current social hierarchy (domestic service)

To a job he is skilled at and enjoys

The job itself is providing essential service to the life & functioning of another human person

That human person is his lover, thereby fulfilling a different emotional need (his and said lover's)

And even when he is almost certainly set on running off into the sunset with the Duke, he still jumps at the chance to prove his worth when Bates goes, because that's just how he functions.

Like, in terms of the relationship specifically, he is trying to solve the financial problems of the Duke's estate AND become the person responsible for his daily care & keeping AND establish a safe way for them to be lovers For Ever And Ever—where he can then emotionally & sexually fulfill him on top of the physical, mental, financial and societal (having a valet as social status but also as the person who arranges pretty much everything for you and keeps you up with appearances) and needs he would be meeting.

CLINGY MUCH?

And then as soon as it starts going south his tactic is:

Look at how bad I want it

Look at how good of a valet I am

(You promised!)

Look at how good of a lover I am

Look at how much I know & care about you

Except then—

{clear internal chaos}

I do not care about this in terms of you at all, your needs never meant anything to me, this was just about me and I'm not the vulnerable one here, you are

But what is blackmail?

Blackmail is when you threaten another person with exposure of private/secret information to get something out of them.

The idea is that the victim will fear losing social standing or facing legal consequences enough to provide whatever that something is—and it can leave long-lasting damage regardless of the length of the extortion itself, because the victim has a psychological, and it follows, social & physical need, to maintain their current life sans embarrassment or like, a criminal record. Even a threat itself that cannot be carried out is damaging, because it makes the victim aware of the possibility.

The victim has to rely on and trust the blackmailer (that they will keep their word) while also fulfilling their own demands. Indefinitely, or even like, forever. Control freak much? Etc.

"smithensy when the fuck are you answering the actual question" PROBABLY NEVER

It's also a common event with relationships resembling theirs, so it's bound to be the first thing to come to mind! And he came up with it in the moment and clearly regretted it like, immediately!

Absolutely! Agree!

...except that he does it again.

And then again.

The second time, he is actually reluctant! He knows in what way he has been trusted and he knows what need he is fulfiing! And he really doesn't want to break that trust and stop fulfilling that need, even though his own needs have been intentionally torn to shreds!

But the next time he does it it is intentional. It is not split second and it is not against someone who has severely harmed him and brought the threat of ruin over his head. He takes it really fucking seriously, to the point of neuroticism, and he constantly reminds that person that she needs him—and although Baxter has to be liked for his requirement to stay in the know, I think there is also a vicarious element. He is giving her everything she needs to become indispensable. He's doing it while also holding the one thing that could ruin it over her head, yes, but he is also using her as like, a way of validating his own understanding of the house and who lives in it and what they require.

Anyway.

There are many points in his arc in the series where someone prone to depression and suicidality could be driven to attempt suicide. I can think of like, five off the top of my head.

But when he does, the breaking point is that he sees himself as unvalued and unnecessary—in essentially every area of his life, but especially his job and industry, which as above is really the only thing he never wavers in.

And he still doesn't waver in the work itself, necessarily. His problem is not that he is no longer skilled at his work, or that he can't meet his own expectations. It's that the job itself is surplus. It doesn't matter how good he is anymore; it doesn't matter how perfect he is. He has no control over it and it is the final straw for someone who has been fighting for scraps of agency for his entire life and only managing to have them through self-harm (see series 2).

I do not think Thomas sees himself as Enough. That is why he strives for perfection—if he is Good, and Skilled, and Talented, and he is needed, that is almost like being loved.

And by working his ass off and keeping the expectations of others around him low, forcing a poor opinion of himself, he is putting himself in a position where even if he isn't able to give it his all, his 70% or 60% or 40% is still better than what all these other people are capable of at 110%, so even if he is disliked and looked down upon and nobody wants him around, well, they have to keep him anyway because he is That Good and things will fall apart without him—

—and if it doesn't work and he has to go well then at least they'll be sorry when everything is ruined and he is irreplacable!

Aaaaaand he's thrusting himself into isolation and shooting himself in the foot.

The self-hatred piece is knowing that no matter what he does he will not be Enough, that there is just something missing. One piece is out of his control but he can never successfully work around it, so he can never have what he wants. The lack of success is what is driving the inward resentment. He has a lot of regret and guilt and he blames himself for every single action he takes that results even slightly in a loss of dignity. Again we see this in the first episode but also, like, the entirety of series 2, 3, 5 and 6 have this thread weaving in and out. When being mean and externalizing his blame doesn't work or make him feel better he turns it around.

The S5 plotline is more to do with having something than getting rid of something. If he can just have this one thing it will make everything else go away; it is the key to Being Enough.

And then in the cottage hospital he is immediately lashing out at and blaming himself for bothering to want that, let alone to try it.

Baxter is right, though! His tolerance for pain and suffering in the pursuit of fulfilling his own needs is extremely high and he seems determined to push it.

People who have lots of self-love and self-respect do not constantly punish themselves.

I have been writing this post for two hours and I don't think it makes much sense. I am going to make dinner now.

SlipKnot Members [Part Two]

[All of this info was copied form the archive of this blog on Skyrock.com circa 2009 -2010: User: maggot777 on Skyrock. com ]

[I’m just sharing it and take no credit]

[This post will include the current members, circa 2010]

Name: Sidney George Wilson Position: DJ N ° 0 Nickname: Monkeyboy or Ratboy Born March 15, 1978, Sid is the youngest of the group and by far the craziest. His scenic escapades helped to build the reputation of SlipKnoT in its early days. Since the European tour where he accidentally injured a fan during the concert in London, he has calmed down somewhat. Although with British origins, Sid is American and was born in Des Moines. Passionate about music, he creates a posse of Djs called Sound Proof Coalition. It is thanks to this posse that he will meet the group during Dotfest in 1998. “I don't know why, but this skinny dude with his red T-shirt and green shorts caught my eye that day. And then it must be said that a guy who listens to punk while scratching on hip-hop is not common, ”Shawn declared. Six months later, Sid will go to the Hairy Mary Club to see the band in concert. That night Shawn jumps into the audience and comes face to face with Sid. From this impromptu meeting was born the friendly rivalry between them, the goal being to knock out the other during the concert. For the record, this is the only time Sid has beaten Shawn. After this concert, Sid will meet SlipKnoT and tell them that he wants to be part of the group. The legend says that Shawn will not think more than ten seconds before saying yes, estimating the man enough barjo to join the group. Since then, Sid has been a mainstay of the band, justifying his presence with samples and scratches on many tracks, he's also working on a more personal project for which he took over his DJ name Starscream and released a solo album called Full Metal Scratch It in reference to the movie Full Metal Jacket. The album announced for 2001 did not actually see the light of day until 2004 following a number of problems with the label that was to release the CD. In the end, it was N2O that played the role of distributing the CD containing most of the samples that Sid uses in SlipKnoT as well as in various other projects. He also collaborates with Ampt, a band from New Jersey that he joined as a DJ.

Name: Nathan Jonas '' Joey '' Jordison Position: Drums N ° 1 Nickname: Speedball Born April 26, 1975 at the Mercy Hospital in Des Moines, Joey spent all his childhood and adolescence in the small town of Yankee, located fifteen kilometers from Des Moines. Very introverted because of his small size (1.60 m), Joey has often served as a pain reliever for his classmates, but he knew deep down that one day he would prove to them that he was better. than them. Arrived in high school, he is deeply into Kiss and Black Sabbath and decides to start a group; he held the position of guitarist there. The guitar has always been his passion and he plays it whenever he can. However, the pitiful level of the drummer in his group pushes him to get behind the barrels. He finished his studies in high school and decided to get into music. One of his groups (Modifious, of which Paul and Craig were part) has had some success but not enough to make a living from it. There is a job at a gas station. Working at night, he occupies his days rehearsing with the group. One evening, his best friend comes to see him with a certain Corey Taylor. Corey doesn't make a good impression on him and the evening ends with a sentence to his friend about Corey (who is red-haired and had long hair at the time): "Bring Dave Mustaine (singer-guitarist of Megadeath) to to treat, it is too serious this guy. " Some time later, he will be contacted by Paul to join an even more obscure called SlipKnoT group. Outside of the group, Joey is involved in various side projects, the most successful of which is Murderdolls, a punk / glam band in which he is a guitarist and with whom he released an album. one owes the magnificent tribal S and as well as the logo of the group. SlipKnoT's capital K is due to the fact that at the time he drew it Joey was a mega-fan of Korn.

Name: Paul Dedrick Gray Position: bass, vocal backing N ° 2 Nickname: Porky or Balls Born April 8, 1972, Paul is the only member of SlipKnoT who is not originally from Des Moines. Born in Los Angeles, he followed his family when they moved to Iowa. Paul is one of the creators of the group along with Shawn. Very discreet and yet very influential, he played with Joey in Anal Of Blast and in various other groups before creating SlipKnoT. He had moved back to Los Angeles when Shawn asked him to come back one evening because he had an extra project he couldn't miss. He died at the age of 38 on May 24, 2010 of an overdose.

Name: Chris Fhen Position: percussion, vocal backing N ° 3 Nickname: Pornochio or Mr Piklenose Born February 24, 1972 in Des Moines, Chris is the little comic of the group. Always playing the puppet, he does everything to be noticed and is happy to go on stage. Chris is one of the last to join SlipKnoT. He joined the group after Brandon left and his integration was not without difficulty ... for him. Shawn called him in for a rehearsal in which he had to prove himself. After two hours of playing, the group reunites in the garden while Chris, alone at the other end, paces. After letting him run around in circles for thirty minutes, Shawn finally waved him over and said, "Sorry man, you're not up to par." Annoyed, Chris lowered his nose and said, "Okay, it's okay guys," turning on his heels. This is the moment that Joey chooses to say to him, “We're kidding, man! », Before bursting out laughing with the rest of the group. But that was just a little taste of what to expect. He's the one we hear vomiting on the hidden SlipKnoT track while Paul laughs beside him. This memorable streak was actually Chris' initiation into the "SlipKnoT spirit", the others having forced him to watch a hardcore movie. Chris played an important role in the recording and mixing of SlipKnoT. He helped Ross Robinson and Joey with the post-production work. Ross Robinson says of him, “Chris is a great guy. He really has his heart set on his feet. "

Name: James Root Position: guitar N ° 4 Nickname: The Peach Born October 2, 1971, James (or Jim) is the giant of the group, dominating the situation of his 1.90 m. He joined the group at the end of the recording of SlipKnoT as a starting point for the previous guitarist, Josh. Prior to being a part of SlipKnoT, James was playing in Atomic Opera and Deadfront with which he released an album and was about to record another when Joey called on him. The latter explains: “James was one of the best guitarists in Des Moines. With Atomic Opera, they were by far the leaders of the Iowa metal scene. And then I knew the guy, he had the job profile. He also stars in Stone Sour.

Name: Craig Jones Position: sample N ° 5 Nickname: 133 mhz (we nickname him like that because he's crazy about machines and 133 times 5 plus 1 equals 666) Born February 11, 1973, “This guy is definitely the most crossed out of the nine. He never says anything and that's what gives me the fuck. It is there and yet we forget it. Having said that, it's better if he doesn't say anything. The only time he opened it we had nothing but shit. This is how Craig is described by Ross Robinson. This is hardly flattering but nevertheless very true: Craig is the “ghost” of the group, always the last to arrive on stage and the first to leave. He joined SlipKnoT as a guitarist to replace Donnie Steele. He will prove himself during the recording of Mate.Feed.Kill.Repeat .. He also contributed to the ambiences with his samples, which really impressed Shawn in addition to his performance on the guitar. Seeing his mad passion for machines and computers, Joey and Shawn decided to promote him and integrate him full time into SlipKnoT. In three weeks, Craig went from replacement guitarist to official sampler of the band.

Name: Shawn Michael Crahan Position: percussion, vocal backing N ° 6 Nickname: Clown or Kong Born September 24, 1969, Shawn is at the same time the leader, the pillar and the dean of the group. SlipKnoT is her baby. It was he who chose who would be part of the adventure and that from the start. Before joining SlipKnoT, he set up various groups which were only successful with critics. Unable to live on his music, he then manages with the means on board. He was first hired as a welder (this experience would later be used for the creation of drum-kits). The savings he made enabled him to buy the Hairy Mary Club, a bar in Des Moines called to become the SlipKnoT's lair for a few years. As a wise businessman, he will regularly organize metal evenings in his club and the Saturday night concerts will quickly become an institution in Des Moines for any metal and rock fan. It is during this period that SlipKnoT is formed. The future members of the group all hanging out regularly in the club, convincing them to play together will not be very difficult. Next is the recording of Mate.Feed.Kill.Repeat. Which costs Shawn all his savings and pushes him into heavy debt. He sells the Hairy Mary Club to repay his debts, before the scale gained by SlipKnoT allows him little by little to live on music. The Hairy Mary Club having been sold, the group had no room to rehearse, and it was only natural that Shawn put his family to contribution: SlipKnoT invests in his parents' cellar. They spent almost two years there, Ross Robinson came to see them rehearse before signing them on his label. It was also in his parents' garage that the photo was taken that served as the cover for SlipKnoT (album). Married with four children, Shawn is a very cultured person; he adores Cézanne and Picasso, which contrasts quite a bit with the image of the slightly psychotic Clown that we see at concerts (I confirm). He also likes to philosophize about life around a bottle of wine, which makes tell Corey, “Shawn is a very smart guy, even if you don't always understand what he's saying. "

Name: Michael Thompson Position: guitar No. 7 Nickname: Log Born November 3, 1973, Mick spent his childhood in Des Moines. Big fan of music, his tastes range from Jimi Hendrix to the Beatles through Morbid Angel and Deicide. He joined a group for the first time at the age of sixteen. Subsequently, he is part of various formations with the future members of SlipKnoT, but seeing that it is hard to make a living, he decides to give guitar lessons. It was then that one evening, taking advantage of Donnie's departure, Paul called him and asked him to join SlipKnoT. “I was really pissed off at that time. When Paul called me I jumped at the chance, ”says Mick to explain his arrival in the group. Outside the group, Mick is a very discreet person; he describes himself as a person who likes to live at night.

Name: Corey Taylor Position: Vocals N ° 8 Nickname: Faith or The Sickness Born December 8, 1973, Corey is in a way the guru of the maggots. His singing, his tone of voice and his charisma (I also confirm) make him a unique singer in the metal scene. Corey initially wanted to be a drummer but decided to write songs after listening to Screaming Life by Soundgarden and Bleach by Nirvana. Born of an unknown father, (but now we know who he is) he lived for a long time with his mother and his sister, traveling the North-East of the USA and sometimes (even often) finding himself homeless to sleep. Completely addicted to cocaine from the age of fifteen, he overdoses twice. The second made him realize the fragility of life and he went to settle in Ohio with his grandmother, to be far from his bad company. It was there that he developed a taste for music thanks to his grandmother's record who listened to rock 'n' roll and in particular Elvis Presley, of whom he became a very big fan. At eighteen, he chose to take his independence and return to the roads to finally return to his hometown of Des Moines. There, he assembles the group Stone Sour, with which he begins to record some titles. On several occasions, his path crosses the path of the members of SlipKnoT. And it is finally after a Stone Sour concert that Corey sees Joey, Mick and Shawn unload in the sex shop where he works. Corey sums it up in a few words: “Basically, they told me that if I didn't join their group they would give me my birthday. I admit I hesitated a little but finally I said to myself that it was the right choice for me. " Corey is very involved in songwriting; his difficult childhood is a source of inspiration for him. However, he refuses to talk too much about it. In early 2004, he married Scarlet, his long-time fiancée, with whom he had a son, eighteen months earlier.

[Might do a part three on new guys, maybe] 

[feel free to leave corrections in the replies]

ZP stuff for other people

Kayla edition :)

Disclaimer because yes. I do not own Zoophobia or anything like that. This is also not a post made with the intent to police what people do. This is a list of misconceptions and fun facts people can use if they want to. This is all for fun, so I hope you enjoy. Feel free to add your thoughts in replies and reblogs.

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It’s quarantine time, hunnies, so let’s write some fanfiction.

1. The bad girlfriend

Spoiler alert, we're going to be seeing a few misconceptions that involve turning Kayla into a villain, and this is just one brand of it. This one deals with instances where a story portrays Kayla as, surprise, a bad girlfriend. More specifically, she's either portrayed as a toxic partner to Zill, or she causes problems that Zill has to deal with.

On one hand, I blame the writing of the OG comic for this. I mean, literally our first look into their relationship is a chapter revolving around them having relationship troubles. I dunno about you, but having that be an introduction to any relationship doesn't sound like a great idea to me. It can imply that the relationship is not a strong one, and that these characters might not be right for each other. However, due to how Vivz portrays the relationship outside the comic, and in chapter 4, this relationship is clearly meant to be a strong one (they're the school power couple for christ's sake).

Some of you may be thinking that portraying Kayla in such a way is the writer trying to break them up. Except nope! Surprisingly, I see this in works that have almost nothing to do with the couple. Like... guys. What are we doing here? Yes, Kayla can get angry at Zill, but this happens specifically when Zill fucks up real bad. Kayla is usually a nice person, and this side of her is rarely shown in in general.

2. The Temptress

Somewhat akin to the previous, this deals with instances where it's shown to be a bad thing that Zill is dating Kayla at all. This shows up in different ways. To name a few: Kayla is bad because whenever someone upsets her, Zill comes after them; Kayla is bad because Zill spends more time with her than other people; Kayla is bad because she causes Zill to be romantically unavailable to other people, etc. This... puzzles me. I've seen people try to villainize Kayla simply because she's dating Zill, and sometimes because them dating causes Zill to act in specific ways. To name one instance, one fic I read recently had Zill intimate Damian simply because he bumped into Kay at a comic book store, and she inevitably got scared. And the story makes both Zill and Kay to be the bad guys here. Because Kay can totally 100% control what her partner does.

Funnily enough, this bothers me more than the previous, given that there, I can at least understand why Kay is the bad guy.

3. The Bully

Heeeyyy, you guys know how Kay is a nice person, is friendly to most people, and is incredibly sweet? Fuck that! Don't you know that Kay is homophobic, xenophobic, probably every type of phobic (even doorphobic), and will crucify all those who stand in her way? That's right, Kayla caused nine e××ven, world war two, the extinction of the dinosaurs, etc!

I realize that tone can be difficult to read through text, but I assure you that the previous paragraph was satirical. Anyways, I'm sure at least one person here already has a good idea about what I'm talking about, but for the those scratching their heads, let me explain. This refers to when, no joke, Kay is turned into a female Leeson. Her Christianity is used as an excuse to turn her into a stereotypical, oppressive bitch. Thing is, she's kind of, ya know, not Leeson? As shown in pictures of her interacting with characters such as Addison, Kayla clearly holds more progressive ideologies. Also, Kay, as shown in ch.4, is someone who would stand up to injustices, and help those in need. She, like some real life Christians, may simply follow aspects of Christianity that involve not being a dick to people.

4. The High Achiever

In regards to a fun fact about Kay, there's the fact that she's too legit to quit when it comes to being a student. Apart from being the class president, she works hard at her studies, and is a good student. This doesn't just extend to drama either, but likely all her classes.

5. The Dreamer

The previous fact could be due to her dream of making it big as a performer in the E! District. Possibly inspired by her idol, Celeste, Kay aspires to become a star. However, due to the fact that mammals are lower on the social ladder than snakes and birds, this could prove to be a difficult task.

6. The Rival

Kay does have a rival that exists in the form of Baltimore, who I believe goes to another school, if I recall correctly. Baltimore, being an avian, would have an easier time getting success than Kay, and I imagine that conflict between the two would bring that problem up, with Balti taunting Kay about how nobody would want to see her preform.

7. The Aussie?

As pointed out by @eclecticcoyote , Kay being Australian usually gets forgotten about. While we currently have no reference as to how much this influences her lifestyle apart from her voice, this is something that can be played around with and could make for some interesting scenarios.

8. The Voice of an Angel

Listening to Kayla's Headcanon voice, I would say that Kayla's singing voice would be around the tenor range. Not quite soprano, but still higher than alto. Basically, I can see her lower notes hitting the alto range, her usual voice being tenor, and maybe being able to hit some falsetto. Also, looking at what songs Vivz has drawn her singing, Kayla seems to lean towards mainly Broadway numbers for song choice.

She also can play the piano

9. The fighter

A lot of people, I've noticed, like to write Zill as the one who engages in physical confrontation, while forgetting that Kay can kick some serious ass herself. Not only does the chick have them fencing skills for days, she can literally knock out Rusty with a punch. Not sure if ya guys noticed, but Kay doesn't need Zill to do all the punching. She can knock some heads in herself, thank you very much.

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That's all I've got for now. I may have forgotten something, and will make a follow up post if it turns out I did. I hoped you enjoyed, and feel free to request whatever you want.

I apologize for wasting your time

- Spooky S Skeletons

Addressing the Issue

This entire post is to address an incident that took place on the Magic Shop Net server which later became a public issue after My understanding of what @kingsuckjin (I'm unable to tag them due to an issue with my phone but I'm leaving the tag in there incase they see it) and @btsaudge posted about it on their blogs:

The last 24 hours ish have been rather stressful and confusing for me as something that I never imagined in my wildest dreams would happen, has happened.

As many of you may or may not know, I have been and am currently affiliated with a few Writer's Networks and have been for a while now. A few months ago, an incident occured in one of them which left me rather hurt and upset. I talked about some of it in an older post so you can read it but neither have I there nor will I here go in depth into what happened as the entire issue was dealt with privately and that was the end of it.

The reason I bring it up is that after that incident, I stopped talking it engaging much in other Network servers that I was on, in fear that something wrong would happen again. But of course it did.

Due to the fact that a safe word was used in the chat, I do not have any screenshots or receipts to clarify what was said as the chats were wiped. What I am going to do though is go through the screenshots posted by the aforementioned two people on their tumblr and dissect what was said.

@moccahobi was one of the people who I discussed this matter with before going public with it as it was them who informed me about the posts in the first place.

A few things need to be made clear before I proceed:

(1) I am no longer stan BTS or identify as an army. Now before you jump to conclusions, hear me out. This in no way means I hate the boys or classify as a "hater". I love, respect and admire the boys as artists and as people and am grateful to them for introducing me to kpop and for helping me through tough times

(2) I am a trained singer in Hindustani, Carnatic, and Western Classical music and have been singing all my life. I am also a music producer working to make a career out of my music. This is important as we get into the meat of the issue.

First, let's address the "allegations" or "arguments" made by the two people in question

The main two points made here was:

(1) I (or we) was critiquing their voices

(2) I (or we) was critiquing their weight

The points made here was:

(3) I (or we) was discussing songs of BTS that I didn't like

(4) I (or we) was critiquing their voices

(5) I (or we) was critiquing their wheight

(6) I (or we) was critiquing what they ate

(7) I (or we) was encouraging a negative stereotype about people being fat.

Let's go over the actual conversation with context, shall we?

Now as I mentioned before, since the messages were deleted I don't have receipts but you can reference my claims with @moccahobi or decide for yourself whom to trust:

First let's address talking about songs of their we didn't like (argument no. 3):

The whole conversation started in the first place when I asked in the chat if anyone had any unpopular K-pop Opinions for a video I was working on for my YouTube channel. This led to one of the people in the chat mentioning that had big BTS opinions and I said that MOTS 7, I'm my opinion is the worst album BTS has ever released. For context: I was still army at the time when the album dropped.

This discussion was from a place of honesty where I said why I didn't like certain songs of theirs. In the chat there is a mention of not having meaningful lyrics: I listened to Bollywood music growing up and there are a lot of songs in that genre that exist for fun and have no deep meaning and sometimes such songs are required to break up the "deepness" of the songs.

As a producer myself, I found the songs rather generic and boring and I talked about that. The argument of "the boys would feel so bad" is no reason for not judging their music objectively.

Secondly, let's talk about the whole critiquing their voices thing (argument no: 1 & 4)

(only a statement made by @strawbxxymilk was available to me but I'm just giving context to what the fuller intention of the conversation was because this text is clearly taken out of context)

I, as mentioned before am a trained singer and it really worries me to see that the boys are using techniques of singing that could affect the longevity of their voice and career because I care. I never talked about their tonal quality so it was never about "taste" it was an objective analysis of technique.

I want the boys to do well and have long careers that's why I worry. I want them to do well and yet you say "it sounds like they don't like BTS at all". You can have your opinion and I can have my own but it doesn't mean I don't like the boys.

Lastly, I would like to address the whole wheight issue (argument no: 2, 5, 6 & 7):

First of all; I'm overwheight/healthy/fat whatever you call it. I hate people being fat shamed because I have been all my life. That was the entire point of the discussion which is being misinterpreted or misrepresented. My definition of "fat" or "overwheight" is that of being over a wheight that is considered medically healthy and NOT culturally or socially accepted.

I was outraged by people calling two of the people who inspired me to become musicians, Youngjae of GOT7 and Suga, fat because they are not. They are below the norm in my opinion. I find it disrespectful when people call people who are clearly doing well and healthy fat and that's why I discussed that matter. Also I have no memory of ever engaging in discussing "what the boys ate" . Now there is no way to prove either side of the argument as there are no available screenshots atleast with me to prove that and the chat is wiped clean. If there is proof though, I would suggest the two people who made this issue to come forth with them and I will retract this part (and only this part) of my statement regarding the 'what they ate' issue.

(I was given clarification by @moccahobi that she mentioned that the boys are not eating "nine cups of ramen" as they were before but that comment had nothing to do with their wheight, it was only about them being able to afford and eating proper decent meals)

I never thought I'd have to make this post in the first place. I'm sad that I was not contacted before conversations I engaged in with people who I consider my friends would become subject to public scrutiny.

I've stayed silent many times before when things have happened but I will no longer. I am here to speak my truth and my side of a story that was twisted, taken out of context and put on public blast.

In the end, all I want to say is that nothing I said was meant to hurt anyone but I don't regret a word I said and won't take back any statements I made in the chat. I'm sorry if you, Audge and Moon, were hurt by what I said for that was not my intention. I just wish I was approached before you put these chats up.

Here's a link to the original post for more context on what the allegations/arguments were:

https://kingsuckjin.tumblr.com/post/621314926605107200/tw-i-fucking-have-to-talk-about-my-eating

@kathexismania said:

I'm going to pester you since you're sobered up now lmao, but I'd like to believe that Bi-Han's cryomancy showed a lot earlier than Kuai Liang's did, but I headcanon that Kuai's cryomancy is much stronger (disregarding the fact that Noob Saibot doesn't practice cryomancy now), even if Bi-Han practiced it now, because 1) Bi-Han is more hot-tempered and emotional and that would have taken a considerable effect on his cryomancy and controlling the elements in general and Kuai is more calm and stoic with his demeanor, even when he's more emotional and rebellious in his Tundra days and 2) since Bi-Han was complicit in many of Quan Chi's affairs and favorable towards Cyber Initiative and those associated with the Lin Kuei corruption, I'd like to believe he would have slacked off with his training (since they are enhanced and immortalized anyways through cyberization) and his temperaments not helping at all either. What are your thoughts??

Alright, alright, alright. I never really thought about how their “cryomancy” powers actually worked? I figured it’s something they can always sorta do, but just... never really learned to do it until they’re a little older. Mostly it’s just funny to imagine the Lin Kuei having to deal with these 5 and 8 year olds finding out they have ICE POWERS, and they’re just fucking around causing a HUGE MESS. Because you know, they’re fuckin’ kids -- so of course they’re gonna go haywire with it. And mostly it’s just funny to be to imagine the Lin Kuei suffering. It’s what they deserve for kidnapping these two not completely human babies. But I don’t know how exactly it works, because sadly lore has never given us much information on Cryomancers...! But if it does work in a way that they didn’t develop their cryomancy until later, Bi-Han probably did... but also Bi-Han is indeed older than Kuai. By how much?? I’m not sure. Technically in canon, Kuai is supposedly only 1 year younger than Bi-Han? (Because Bi-Han is supposedly 32 in MK1, and Kuai is uh... the same age in MK2/MK9?) But as you already know, I disregard what canon says and I personally say Kuai was 24 during the events of MK9. So I like to think Bi-Han is 2 or 3 years older than Kuai.

I agree with you, because I believe that the fact Kuai defeated Scorpion on his first try, when Bi-Han died by the hands of Scorpion, ALSO just proves Kuai is stronger than his brother. (And the fact Kuai has ALWAYS defeated Noob Saibot... in Current Timeline.) Now I know Bi-Han also defeated Hanzo, but he didn’t defeat a Netherrealm, Quan Chi powered Scorpion.

And whilst Kuai was certainly more emotional when he was younger... I feel Bi-Han was even worse. Especially with his arrogance and overall shitty attitude. But yeah, I overall agree with ya.

One of my new passions

This latest with one cop on a niggas neck and one on his lungs and another on his legs while he was handcuffed.

Has me black out murderous rage against all 4 cops present.

I wish our society felt safe enough to attack racist bigots that abuse their power to murder for no cause.

Had those people standing around been able to attack those police and save that man... I don't blame them. I feel sorry for the sight they saw. But I know I would have.

I wish more people had the courage to be crazy like me and do what it takes to save a life.

As i said i don't blame them, many times I haven't been brave as i wanted to be.

I'm thankful they were courageous enough to video this way justice can be served. I read one person did talk back and advocate.

I wish we had the mob mentality to save his life.

Tree informs me the one standing to the side kept calling for backup to help the victim.

Tree does inform me the victim whom died was indeed an ass hole whom I would have killed myself but I would also have killed all three cops.

Thus it's a racist and crime of hypocrisy from those cops... What it was is they were all working together and they had the store call when he was in Just to kill him. As I suspected it was full blown murder. Nothing less.

Tree says they were all laundering drug money together. The 4 police.

The one holding the legs and the one standing alone didn't really want to kill their accomplice. The one standing realize he would be next and so he tried to stop the death of the victim. Tree informs me.

That is all the information tree says we need to know.

I feel if it's an off duty job they should done it without their uniforms. But they chose to represent the Minneapolis, Minnesota police as white men and kill a topless black man in handcuffs while completely defenseless against whom he thought was his friends.

Tree says "to prove they were tough"

I think it's more than that. I think they were trying to prove black lives do not matter and they wanted to prove that all people, no matter their color but most especially African American, are powerless and they have all the power. And theyre invincible. Its far beyond being tough, it's being Godly.

And tree and i spoke about how the man was shirtless and while i couldn't see much of his body due to the car, it looked like he did work out and was buff. And as Tree points out as i did see as well "it took four of them to take that strong black man down" "So it didn't prove they were tough but weak and surly not godly but pompous asses wearing the orange style masks." Says tree and i quote exactly

It makes me angry. I would screamed that at them. How weak they were. As a young person I would pulled them off and fought them.

I feel so much rage, I probably would now.. They would be lying there bleeding and I would look around and go "huh. Oh. Look what I did" then walk away quietly as they lied to themselves it didn't happen that some fst broken hearted lady with bad hips and back whom can barely walk knocked them all out in less than 30 seconds and didn't even really notice she did.

The purse i have today is small but it is an elegant and nicely built hard sided purse. If I was there i would hit them in the head at least 90 mph and knocked them the fuck out and caused internal bleeding like I did Denise then kicked them to cause it to burst all in less than 30 seconds. My body in auto mode and i would feel nothing. No pain. Only strength from God in heaven. And my parents, that are true angels would protect me from danger. So i could walk away free and clear without a broken purse.

It only takes one person. Not a mob mentality. But I wish we had that. I wish we all had that goodness from God that causes us to black out with rage against injustice.

I know tree tells me the victim was Zulululu and y'all know i hate them. But it isn't the point. The point wad the actions of the police.

Now take the same 4 people. The black guy and the 3 white guys in an alley all in sweat pants and wife beaters and tattoos. I wouldn't care. Because it would represent their relationships. They were all co-conspirators in money laundering and in cahoots to be in a friendship, all 5 of them regardless of color.

Putting on their uniforms changed all of that.

When I'm meeting with kidnappers. Money laundering. Murderers. Usually I am the only girl. The only Madame. The only Mob Boss Type that is female.

So apply gender to color... Im just one of the guys. Im not there to have sex or be raped. Usually they try but usually one of the others get jealous or i have a real protector to stop it from happening.

So apply color to gender. I'm just one of the guys. The victim of African American decent is no different than the ones of European. If one of the guys tries to kill me then they do and i can fight back. Same with color. If 3 white guys pounce a black guy he has the right to fight back

It is about context.

As a girl if i try to kill one of the guys they have a right to fight back

If an African American tried to kill an European American like myself the European has a right to fight back

But making it a cop vs criminal when the cops are criminals as well becomes a totally different scenario.

If I saw 5 Zulululu all standing in the alley and they are marked (these were not and wouldn't be as they are non violent [or were] and were just drug dealing and not human trafficking) and 1 was black and 2 was Asian and 2 were white, i would kill them all equally. The same exact 5 guys in any clothes including police uniform marked for kidnapping or rape. I would killed them all equally.

However in this situation that did actually occur. I would have saved the black man. Because of presentation.

Doesn't matter he's Zulululu. Or he laundered money. Its the presentation of 3 white cops killing one black man.

I see people. Bodies. I dont see alien race.

I see race of human skin and cultural differences and abuse of power.

So I would have saved the victim despite who he was.

Now May be I would found out after he was a human trafficker and if he was released at home, I would then go murder him in cold blood myself after saving him. IF that was the situation and i found out the TRUTH after wards. I would realized i made a mistake

If the media made a fuss, i would admit to it.

As part of the CIA and part of a Pentagon task force by default, I am allowed to do such things. Legally. As a military operation.

So, I'm not speaking as a private citizen. Or just a regular random person.

I'm not speaking as a police officer -- it is Illegal for police to do such a thing.

But as part of the military I am allowed

My mortgage company doesn't require me to pay my mortgage because i am listed as a MIA/POW. Location unknown.

Which means i have military status. As part of the military and as a counter head in the CIA.

MIA is missing in action due to amnesia and my physical handicap and disabilities like walking and standing.

POW is prisoner of war. As you all noted on the T.V. and here the aliens are trying to play "capture the queen" which is me. And currently Nathaniel and Denise have me as a POW.

Location unknown. Means they don't know my ability to focus or what I can do. What Alice in Wonderland Rabbit Hole I'll pop out next.

So i don't pay the mortgage. The mortgage says its okay. We will hold onto it. When the military and government can find you and save you, they will give you money you can pay.

Because as a MIA/POW. Location unknown. I do not receive a paycheck. So, the mortgage company understands that when i am found then there will be a large sum of payments waiting for me to be paid out. My monthly paycheck. They hold it for me in hopes i will be found and returned home. In the event of my death, the mortgage company is promised to be paid what is owed from my payments owed to me with permission of my next of kin.

This occurs with will MIA/POW. Location Unknown in the military and contractors that may have been kidnapped that work abroad.

So it is a nice perk.

To be tortured and held captive. In Hell to find out you have all your paychecks waiting and your home? Its pretty fucking amazing.

So that's pretty much all there is to say

Of course thank you for saving my house. I sure prayed a lot about it. And begged for mercy.

And I'm sorry for the people who witnessed the murder of a black man. And I'm thankful it was recorded and no one else was hurt.

At least you know the truth about him. And I hope that does squelch a little of that rage. Hopefully it gets illegal drugs off the streets. That shit is bad.,cocaine and heroin. I hate that shit.,but not as much as human trafficking

Of course I'd kill a bitch on herion pretty fucking fast

1) It's pretty incredible how str8!darren fans do not see how an asshole homophobic he looks like?? (if he was sooo straight). If I believed Darren is straight and 100% with his "gurl uwu" I would totally think he is an ass takes advantage of the lgbt community while he trying to prove how straight he is 24/7. If I believed he is straight, I wouldn't even call him an ally. He doesn't look like an ally, he looks like someone using the community for his career and in no way wants ppl to assume -

This is an extended ask and isn’t straight Darren friendly so read at your own risk.  You have been warned!

2) he is part of it, aka the community he supports with “all his heart”. This is exactly how he looks like “Imma take this lgbt role. I love the lgbt community. I love all the gay stuff. Buy my tickets! pls? Go see my shows! I love the lgbt people! BUT PLEASE DON’T BELIEVE OR EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND I COULD BE SOMETHING THAT IS NOT STRAIGHT, I’M STRAIGHT PLS LOOK AT MY GURLFRIEND I’M STRAIGHT PLS DON’T BELIEVE OTHERWISE EWWW PLEASE I’M STRAIGHT? SEE? I LOVE GAYS BUT I’M STRAIGHT!!!!”

3) That is how he looks like. But all those BNF straight!darren supporters REFUSE to see it or even mention it at least. They are more worried about people shipping D with guys or not liking M. They definitely don’t see or don’t want to see his fave is an homophobic af ass taking advantage of the lgbt community for his career??? (I mean, since they believe he IS straight).Do they really think he is a good ally? That he deserves that title?-

4) That he deserves to go to LGBT events like Trevor Project? Play LOTS of LGBT roles??? go to gay bars 24/7? Go to gay parades wearing their merch (?)? Are they that fucking stupid and blind? The same BNF people who call themselves allies too, and that claim to support us. But they ship Klaine, I guess that means there is no way the don’t really support the lgbt community, at least in their eyes. Trust me, if Darren really was straight, he would be a despicable human being.-

5) and in no way should be called an ally. Trust me, he pisses me off a lot for lots of reasons, but If I believed he was straight, I would despise him more than everything. I guess those fans prefer to believe he is an ass straight!boy and not mention it, than believe he is bi or gay because… idk? That would mean they can’t fuck their pussies? because no one can be that blind. No one. Either way, that says a LOT about those kind of fans. Ok end of rant, thank you :).

I really wanted to call this post a PSA for fans of straight Darren, because at least if they read it they might actually think about why their insistence he is absolutely straight actually doesn’t show him in a good light for all the points you raise above.  This was a hard ask for me tho I love D, but I can appreciate the points you made and tbh I’m not even sure you need me to reply,but I will put some thoughts on this ask down

I don’t think he’s straight, everyone know this, but for if he was I can see why he becomes controversial for an lgbt fan. It’s easy to see how offensive his cries of ‘but I’m straight’ would be to the lgbt community when he makes his living off lgbt roles and he has to take some responsibility for this and while I doubt he even looks at written articles with quotes made on his behalf because his schedule is hectic, he has some complicity in the red carpet, snap and pap pictures and the overall drive of his PR.

But… I don’t think he has complete freedom in all of his choices (this has been discussed in other posts so I’ll not do it here).  I think he has obligations and duties via various contracts to fulfill and I actually think he tries where he can. I mean he even said he was gay and in the picture today which tries to look couply - he’s not really touching her and with most of the red carpet and pap shots any touch is pretty perfunctory.  Touching is usually by M in one of 2 possessive standard poses.  I truly believe she’s not allowed to touch anywhere but neck to waist and his ass is out of bounds.

…and I really be believe he tries with what he has control over like not using her name in interviews or tweets and think about it …what real boyfriend would let their SO other post that screeching on line.  Blaming Andy would have been fine, but she had to post too.  Any decent friend or boyfriend might have advised her not to.  I think D let her because he doesn’t give a f@ck anymor. I’ve also noticed there seems to be a subtle shift on the I’m straight in articles since Hedw/g to the current push which I think is more about promoting M than his straightness and I’m hopeful right now that change is ahead.  

This certainly helps me cope with the whiplash of watching Daisy and douche bro on my dash and I still love Darren, my frustration hasn’t made me walk away as a fan. 

But I suppose coming back to your original point regarding the fans who insist he straight and the reason why I posted your ask which is - these fans need to give some thoughts to the points you’ve raised about what it means if D is staright, especially if they consider themselves lgbt allies in any way at all.

So this actually happened a few days ago, my temp suspension ran out so I'm not circumventing the suspension or anything.I was casually browsing reddit, and came across a post and in the comment thread people were discussing SFW subreddits that sounded dirty and sexual but really aren't and just have to do with cats or animals. Subreddits like /r/PocketPussy, /r/BlackPussies, /r/GirlsWithHugePussies, and /r/tightpussy, which are all entirely safe for work, but you wouldn't know by looking at the name.Well, there's another joke subreddit that exists, a few actually, that sound REALLY bad, but in the same vein as the rest are actually just innocent pictures of kittens and baby animals and is NOT SEXUAL in any way. These subreddits have existed on reddit with no issues since 2012, and have been allowed to exist through multiple reddit purges.But apparently me ONLY linking to them was considered sexualization of minors, despite no minors being involved and the subreddits have been allowed to exist for years with no issue. Not to mention the context of the thread I was replying to being about joke subreddits, and me putting "completely SFW too" in my comment.My comment read as follows:Haha Don't forget /r/████████████ or /r/████████████ (Completely SFW too)Obviously I had the real subreddit names, but I'm not making that mistake again. I just posted in one of them warning others, so check the post history of this account if you're curious. Apparently it's ok to post there as long as you don't say it's name. Might as well be considered Voldemort as far as Reddit is concerned.So the next day I get an automated message telling me that my account has been temporarily suspended for breaking Reddit's Content policy, claiming I was sexualizing minors, with no way for me to actually respond to explain the misunderstanding or double standards of a subreddit being allowed, but linking to the subreddit not being allowed.I'm thinking "What the hell? How is it that the subreddit I linked to doesn't break Reddit's content policy and has been allowed to exist for 8 years, but apparently me simply linking to it in a comment does?"So I look into how to appeal it and request an appeal.A bit later I get a text from my roommate: "Bro, we need to talk."Some context on this part, a few months ago we had a power outage and my phone died, and I signed into reddit on his phone to connect with other people in our area to see what was up. I accidentally left it signed in, and apparently him and his girlfriend used the app to browse reddit occasionally and never bothered to sign out. That's fine because I don't use that account to comment on porn or anything I'd be ashamed of really. Or so I thought.Then I get an automated message from reddit that my appeal has been denied. Not even a real person replied, and I still can't get a hold of someone to explain it.I get home and him and his girlfriend demand I give them my phone and computer, and tell me that they will be going to the police. I ask why, and they said they saw the message from reddit that I was sexualizing minors. They told me reddit caught me visiting underage porn subreddits and they were incredibly upset, called me a hypocrite for speaking out against human trafficking in the past.After I explained to them what happened, they did a 180 and realized the mistake, but apparently his girlfriend had already told our neighbors who told a few others, and one person said in a group chat "He should be reported to the police," and now my anxiety has me worried someone anonymously reported me to the police and I'm going to have to deal with that. I haven't done anything wrong, but it's 2020 and my faith in law enforcement is at an all time low.She's currently trying to rectify it, and I'm pissed at both of them for jumping to conclusions, but it is what it is, this pandemic and political atmosphere has made everyone crazy. But still, now I have to explain to people what happened and why I'm not a pedophile.Now I'm currently for the first time in my life trying to look into getting a lawyer or attorney to protect myself and my career, trying to work my professional contacts to get a hold of a real person at Reddit(I work in an adjacent industry), and added to my already horrible anxiety and depression from the toll this pandemic has done to me and my career.Talked to a friend of a friend who's a lawyer who told me to get a papertrail of me attempting to fight this so if I am put on some sex offender list it shows I didn't sit by and idly let it happen.tldr: I linked to a SFW and legal joke subreddit that sounds really bad but is just pictures of kittens, got accused of sexualizing minors, roommate and his gf accused me of being a pedophile, now I'm having to look into lawyering up so this doesn't somehow ruin my life or career.Edit: So I’m getting a lot of hate for my roommate and his GF. The thing is, I don’t agree, but I get it. Based on the very serious and threatening message reddit sent about the suspension, and the fact they were looking for advice on how to handle a potential pedophile they were living with, I get it. I’m not happy, but I get it.The reddit suspension message was basically this:Your account has been temporarily suspended from Reddit for minor sexualization due to your comments mentioning “/r/████████████” and “/r/████████████”.Reddit does not allow any sexual or suggestive content involving a minor or someone who appears to be a minor, including fantasy or other content (e.g. stories, “loli”/anime cartoons) that depicts, encourages, or promotes pedophilia, child sexual exploitation, or otherwise sexualizes a minor or someone who appears to be a minor. In some cases, depending on context, this may include minors that are fully clothed or are not in overtly sexual acts.If your behavior improves, you shouldn’t hear from us again. If this behavior continues, further punitive action may be taken, and in some cases reported to law enforcement. You can learn more about how to avoid future suspensions by taking a look at our Content Policy.This is an automated message; responses will not be received by Reddit admins.They saw that large description of prohibited conduct thinking that was a list of what I was banned for(and not just a general copy/paste list), looked at my comment linking to said joke subreddit, of course they didn’t click it because they thought it lead to child porn, and to them the dots were connected that I was posting pedophilic stuff.I just think it’s more fucked up that Reddit did that in the first place, without actually looking into the subreddit I was linking to or reading the context of the thread I was in, hell not even the part of my comment that says “Completely SFW too”. I don’t even know how their suspension system, whether it was automated or reviewed by an actual person, couldn’t figure out that the subreddit I linked to was active, SFW and about kittens, and allowed, and further when I explained that in my appeal it and STILL got denied.And you know what, even if my comment does technically break the minor sexualization content policy, my issue then would be that wouldn’t the subreddit itself also be breaking the content policy by existing? Why allow a subreddit to exist that no one is allowed to link to? Does that make sense to anyone? Punishing anyone who mentions it but leaving it up for people to link to?Edit 2: Ok, y’all need to chill about my friends, trust me, I know them better than all of you do haha. When it first happened, yeah I freaked out, but 5 days later and we’re laughing about it. I guess made it sound like I was still freaked out about them having called the cops, when in reality I’m freaked out that some shady reddit content monitoring algorithm put my main profile on some list or something to monitor.Like if this post is all you have to go on, I get it they seem like assholes, but if you lived this exact situation you’d see how they realistically came to believe it. That reddit message was a really convincingly frightening message, and all of you saying she should have verified, she thought that message WAS the verification because she couldn’t comprehend someone getting banned over something as inconsequential as saying two words out of context. That’s why I say if anything I blame her naivety that big companies don’t automate this stuff and mistakes.Like I can talk to my friends and prove my innocence to them because I’ve literally done nothing legally wrong, but I can’t talk to Reddit apparently to prove my innocence, so that’s what is freaking out. via /r/tifu