So the medication I ran out of is also used as a mood altering drug, and like many other similar meds, if you go off of it cold turkey, it causes "brain zaps". I read about them a little (probably could have read into more than I did ngl) but it made me wonder, if they are actually little electrical zaps and not just a "zap-like sensation", maybe my migraine meds could help because rizatriptan is literally for migraines caused by "electrical storms in the brain" as my neuro calls it. From what I understand, it makes your brain just a little less conductive. Also the side effects aren't that bad for me, so it wasn't very smart but yo I tried it bc the zaps were keeping me awake.

Either I just got really lucky with timing or this med actually alleviated the discontinuation syndrome (withdrawal, basically) zaps. I'm still dizzy and a little light sensitive but I feel better than I did, thankfully.

missed a dose of zoloft n now i feel fucking terrible omg

Started this as a lil side blog following my absolutely collapse into feelings from having forgotten request my repeat prescription of Effexor.

Context: I've been on various anti-depressants for years and years now (Zoloft, Effexor are the big two, but I've also been on Prozac, Celexa and more). Last year was a year of tremendous change and healing for me: it turned out I 'just' had ADHD and a butt load of unprocessed trauma that got addressed with my diagnosis, starting Vyvanse, and undertaking a set of EMDR sessions back in the summer of last year.

I've felt so... secure since then. I work professionally with a bunch of clinical psychologists/therapists/mental health folks and during the Vyvanse shortage in October time was the only blip I had - turns out I can manage my feelings when I am not immediately drowning in them! Wild, I know.

Back to now: Anyhow, while suffering from the worst brain zaps I've had in a long time, I'm realising that Effexor has just been numbing my feelings all along and I don't actually want that to happen. I knew this to an extent: I requested to go back onto antidepressants after a year of not being on them after I developed PTSD-symptoms following surgery and an inciting incident at work. I did this because I knew that it would blunt those feelings and I didn't want to take time off work while I waited for therapy to start (I don't regret this, but I also don't recommend it).

However this is actively harming me now and so I need to come off them. I realised this today following me forgetting to re-order my medication. Subsequently, I've not taken Effexor in 3 days now. I'm not anxious, I'm not depressed, but I am incredibly sad. My mother died in January, and while I've cried a bit and been sad, I've never thought that I reacting with the intensity that I expected to. Grief is different for everyone and how we react is completely unique depending on so many different variables.

But my mother died unexpectedly and suddenly in her sleep at a very young age. She was my inspiration and my rock and I love her very much. On reflection, I have spent the last few months mostly disassociated. I've had a few tears, but nothing from what I expected. Today is the first time I've actually felt grief in a way that I kept expecting to feel after my wonderful Mum vanished from my life. I've cried for nearly an hour now and am tearful while writing this. It feels like I've finally unlocked a part of me that I couldn't access before now.

So! I've requested a medication review with my GP, I'm going to come off Effexor. As tempting as it is to just go cold-turkey (given how I'm feeling right now and the fact that I'm already accidentally two days into this, I ran out of meds on Sunday) but I'm also not an idiot so will be tapering off slowly.

(Verywellmind.com on the symptoms of antidepressant discontinuation syndrome)

I want to reiterate: I am a grieving adult woman who has experienced sad things happening to her. Having feelings is normal! Having sad feelings is normal!

I guess I'm starting this as a way to chronicle my own journey though my emotional wellbeing and how I'm starting to move away from relying on medication to manage my feelings.

This is not a blog that attacks medication and the need of it for folks who have issues around their mental health. For some people, medication for mental health is a requirement to live a healthy life and this absolutely should not be ignored. If you need an anti-depressant, mood stabilisers, anti-psychotic etc etc, keep on it. I'm working with my health providers to ensure I'm healthy while doing this, and my context is very different to that of a lot of other folks.

just decided i'm gonna try tapering out of my ssri once i'm done with all of next month's distractions. i've been considering it for ages but i haven't quite had the conviction until now. at this point i have literally no idea what effect it even has on me these days, given how long i've been on it and how many other health issues i've got going on. it could be the only thing holding me together, maybe, but also it could be ruining my life without me realising. probably not either of those extremes. worst case scenario being off it sucks and i go back. i'd at least like to know.

Why no meds make my brain hurty

God fucking dammit Tumblr froze and wouldn’t let me post my rant so: Jamil overblot form is bad and racist that’s all

almost forgot to take my meds now that wouldve been somethin oh my god

hi hello don't forget to take ur meds like me pls

u can talk about how the dea and docs fuck up ur scripts w/o bein like that about addicts

Going a bit mia because I'm entering my busy era

Currently doing a covid test because I feel like shit ✌️

Thanks for recommending I read them all do you know any other jimin fics

I can share with you some of my ‘to read’ Jimin fics – I hope there’s some that you haven’t read already so you can dive into those 💜 I also suggest looking/searching on AO3, maybe you can find more there too 😃

Facade (series) by @taeescript

Dirty Little Secret by @tipsydipsydo

Family Lane by @hayjeon

Mismatched Pages (series) by @knjoodles

Ignorantly, Yours by @ot7always

Best Friend of my FWB (ft. jjk) (series) by @xiutingmyself

Troll in Love (series) by @justasparkwritings

Running through the Night by @sketchguk

Strictly Confidential by @ppersonna

The Misadventures List (series) by @kimvvantae

Bad Habits by @yoonjinkooked

Paper Hearts by @namfinessed

Pick you Filter by @ppersonna

First Kiss (series) by @ggukbabyy

Temptation (part of the Pleasure collection) by @ayyosuga

Never Falling by @yoonia

The Glow Up (ft. kth) (series) by @bangtangalicious

Peaches and Cream by @snackhobi

Opposites Attract (series) by @kpopfanfictrash

Neon Seoul by @readyplayerhobi

The Devil in his Details by @johobi

Couchsurfer by @heartbeatan

Of Stars Erased (series) by @fantasybangtan

New Experiences (series) by @littlenoona

Thank you for your Service by @jiminniethemarshmallow

Growing Pains (series) by @taleasnewastime

Put it on Me by @jimilter

Feel your Touch by @jimilter

Captivity by @jimilter

The Prince’s Cinderella Syndrome by @jimilter

Making him Jealous (ft. jjk) by @parkmuse

Blue Kamikaze (ft. jhs) by @gguksgalaxy

Serendipity (series) by @sopebubbles

All of You (series) by @writtenwhalien

Two in One (ft. jhs) by @here2bbtstrash

Lust for Life by @aquagustd

A Change of Heart (series?) by @whitesparrows97

A Work of Art by @missgeniality

Tonight by @pjmparadise

Oh, What A World (series) by taestybae/cutechim on AO3

A Serpent’s Flower (series) by @jimlingss

Love Her (Love Yourself) (series) by @xotoosweet

I’m sorry for the late reply, I added some extra fics in there to hopefully make up for it! I haven’t read any of them myself, but I really look forward to reading each one, because they sound amazing to me (which is why they are on my to-read list). I haven’t checked if all the series are completed or discontinued, but I think they’ll be a pleasant read either way 🙂

I hope you enjoy 💜

Hey everyone! It's, uh, it's certainly been a minute.

If my brief return a few months ago and then radio silence yet again is any indicator, I'm sure most of y'all probably know where this is going.

HOMECOMING, as of now (and for the indefinite future) is going to be on hiatus, and maybe discontinued.

This project initially started out as a silly idea, a culmination of my love for the yandere vn community and the wonderful games it has created, and my original plot and cast of characters. In the beginning, I was trucking along, working on scripts, planning out routes, spending hours of research on coding and how to get this thing up and running. Not to mention, the attention my silly lil project garnered was a lot. At least to me. I've had a semi popular writing blog before, and was no stranger to inbox asks, and how they pile up, or the notes that popular posts can get.

I was far too ambitious in all honesty, and once the glitz and glamor of a new project wore off, I hit a massive wall. Hard. It seemed that to actually work on HOCO was much like pulling teeth - whether it was writing, drawing, or even *thinking* about it, I found myself sinking further and further into a imposter syndrome of sorts.

And well, I guess making this announcement is sort of proving it right.

Even so, I've always known when to take a step back, when to settle down -- and now, I'm just making it official. I owe you all at least that much.

The blog will be staying up - I have no plans to delete it in the slightest. I'll just log out of it most likely - I'll still be around on my personal tumblr, where I'll hopefully start being more active there again.

Nothing could have prepared me for just how much care, how much love you guys have shown HOCO - so much so, it's still hard to believe. All the fanart, the fanfic, the memes - they're all saved to my phone, in their own album. Thank you to all who have made amazing creations for my silly characters, as well as the countless asks y'all have sent - maybe one day I'll be able to answer all of them.

I really hope one day I can return to this project with fresh eyes -- I'm hoping real, substantial time away from it will help that process. There are other, personal projects that I've been doing that have helped that creative spark again, as well as indulging in traditional fandom activities, mostly fanart. Unfortunately, I think it's safe to say that my time in the Yan VN community is over for the time being, at least until/if I start working on HOCO again. (Or whenever I play the latest updates of 14DWY - I am the Leon Fan Club President after all ^^).

I've been rambling too long, and I think it's time to close this chapter for now. Thank you all again - and one last Henry for the road. They were there since the beginning of HOCO in 2019, so it feels right for them to be here at the end.

"One of the elements that sets Hizballah apart from other Lebanese groups is the professional level of organization that exists within the party and its institutions. It is no doubt the political party in Lebanon that best responds to its constituents’ needs and desires in the country, both politically and economically. Among the consequences of the Lebanese civil war were economic stagnation, government corruption, and a widening gap between the ever-shrinking middle class and the everexpanding ranks of the poor. Shiite areas of Beirut—namely, the densely populated southern suburbs of Beirut, known as al-Dahiyeh (literally, the suburb)—also had to cope with hundreds of thousands of displaced people who settled there from the south and the Beqaa. To alleviate poverty in this area, as well as the south and the Beqaa Valley, a social welfare network developed alongside the Shiite political mobilization in the 1970s and 1980s, with key actors including al-Sadr, Fadlallah, and Hizballah. Today, Hizballah functions as an umbrella organization under which many social institutions are run. Some of these institutions provide monthly support and supplemental nutritional, educational, housing, and health assistance for the poor; others focus on supporting orphans; still others are devoted to reconstruction of war-damaged areas. There are also Hizballah-affiliated schools, clinics, and low-cost hospitals, including a school for children with Down’s syndrome. Hizballah is not the only major actor in the social welfare arena. Another large network of organizations is affiliated with Fadlallah. There are also a number of smaller independent welfare-provision organizations founded and run by pious Shiite women, as well as family associations that serve as gathering spaces or links for the various branches of a large extended family. These social welfare institutions are located around Lebanon and serve the local people regardless of sect, though they are concentrated in the mainly Shiite Muslim areas of the country. They are run almost entirely through volunteer labor, mostly that of women. ... It is the social welfare aspect of the party’s activities that sometimes leads to accusations that Hizballah is a 'state within a state.' A more apt phrasing may be that it is a 'state within a non-state.' The party’s welfare provision network is commensurate with the sectarian relationship between state and society in Lebanon, and fills a lacuna left by the state in poor Shiite areas of the country. When the state steps up, Hizballah has thus far demonstrated that it will step back. For example, when Sukleen, the private company to which the Lebanese government contracted garbage collection, began servicing the southern suburbs of Beirut, Hizballah promptly discontinued its own garbage collection services."

Lara Deeb, “Hizballah and Its Civilian Constituencies in Lebanon,” in The War on Lebanon: A Reader, eds. Nubar Hovsepian and Rashid Khalidi (2007)

Hi love! Can I request headcanons with Ryan!Ken x a chubby reader?

Oh? I think this is my second request for a Barbie thing, which is weird, since they were so popular. Though, the Barbie hype is probably over, huh?

I'll Never Stop Loving You

Yandere! Ryan! Ken x Cubby! Fem! Reader Tw: Yandere Themes, Problematic Doll Idea Mentioned, ED mentioned, slight! Fatphobia !!YANDERE THEMES! READ AT OWN RISK!!

He doesn't care about your weight

Genuinely not even something he noticed

The only way your weight would be a problem is if you were a Feed/Starve This Barbie! because it's problematic as hell and no one would dare comment on it [You're the only version of you, because you were discontinued, because it was problematic]

^ In reality you probably aren't even that chubby, they just over-exaggerate it, because Mattel big corporations sucks

They see you as exotic, which is weird thing to say, but you look so different from them

They all have muscles, abs, skinny waist, etc. You're so different and that's what makes you special

Anything different in Barbieland stands out and you stand out

Everyone likes you, because you're different [Like that one cliche where everyone is the same and they fall in love with the protagonist because she's not anything like them] (Does that make sense)

Let's be honest, Ken is stupid, but even though he knows you're chubby, it's never bothered him [Though it's never bothered anyone]

He's always trying to impress you

Though when he comes back from the real world, he does shame you

If you don't like him, he'll make you hate yourself

"I'm so out of your league," He'll lean over you like a tiger with it's prey, while you scrunch up in your chair, "So what makes you," He points at you, "Think you can reject me?" He points to himself, "You should be grateful"

He'll brainwash you by fatshaming you, even though he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. He doesn't believe anything coming out of his mouth, but he wants to bring you down to his level, so he's not alone

If you don't love him, he'll make sure you don't love yourself

It's a shitty thing to do, but you end up falling for the Stockholm Syndrome and he stops

^Because like I said, he doesn't actually believe you're fat, he thinks you're gorgeous, but he sees your insecurity and he uses it against you

You may not even be insecure about your weight, it may be about being different

^ Doesn't matter, he'll sniff it out like a dog

Though, when you do begin to like him back, the relationship takes a 180

^He does everything for you [Though behind closes doors] and he tells you how incredible you are and such

He really wants you to dance for him

He loves watching your body move

God, he just loves everything about you

He goes so giddy with you, like a school girl

Don't mention it though, or he'll get mad

dear systems who say they have OSDD-1b but have amnesia,

I urge you to read the DSM-V diagnostic criteria for DID. if you are experiencing amnesia of any kind, you most likely have DID, not OSDD-1b. 

this is a quote directly from the DSM-V criteria:

“Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetting.”

it does not say that you need blackout switching amnesia, or even any kind of switching amnesia at all. do you frequently find yourself unable to clearly remember everyday events? that’s amnesia. 

and guess what? amnesia from childhood does count as dissociative amnesia! here’s another quote directly from the DSM-V:

“The dissociative amnesia of individuals with dissociative identity disorder manifests in three primary ways: as 1) gaps in remote memory of personal life events (e.g., periods of childhood or adolescence; some important life events, such as the death of a grandparent, getting married, giving birth) ...”

this means that, yes, amnesia from your childhood (that is inconsistent with ordinary forgetting) is dissociative amnesia.

still think that your amnesia isn’t bad enough? check out this quote which is - you guessed it - also from the DSM-V:

“Individuals with dissociative identity disorder vary in their awareness and attitude toward their amnesias. It is common for these individuals to minimize their amnestic symptoms.”

it’s all too common for people to minimize their symptoms, and amnesia is yet another symptom that is commonly minimized. 

lastly, I’d like to show you the DSM-V’s definition of OSDD-1:

“Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms: This category includes identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia.”

I have italicized the part that refers to OSDD-1b. you’ll note that it doesn’t say “an individual who reports a little bit of dissociative amnesia”. it says “an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia.”

therefore, if you are experiencing dissociative amnesia, you more than likely have DID. it’s okay if your amnesia isn’t “severe” or if you don’t have blackout amnesia - that doesn’t mean you don’t have DID.

sincerely,

a DID system that used to think he was a OSDD-1b system but then realized that, oh shit, not remembering anything before you’re 10 is actually not normal, and neither is having your memories of recent events being super blurry and difficult if not impossible to recall. whoops.

⚠ this post was created by an anti-endo system. endos can reblog, but do not clown. this post is about DID and OSDD-1b, not non-disordered systems. ⚠