Messy doodle of René Lemongrove, the young lord, a visionary of a thousand unfinished projects and the youngest child of the most scientific family of all - my character for Flowerton Larp this weekend. I had a blast, played my first crossgender role and got some praise for it being believable and even stepped outside of the comfort zone a bit to dip my toes in a romantic plot. Photo of the Lemongrove family under the cut! It was a Bridgerton themed ball larp with some scandals and intrigues, some dancing and amazing food and drinks!

It is the morning of the 1st of August 2023, and I wanted to share how my PEDIA (Posting Every Day In August) is looking right now.

As always, it is subject to change and stuff, as the month moves along, but I am very happy with this starting point! A whole lot of green everywhere makes me very comforted. My chapters and one shots tend to get longer than anticipated, so there is still a lot of work to do on the yellow/red/white spaces, but I am hopeful that I can manage.

Speaking of the white spots, if you've got a prompt you'd like to see me write (and one that could be done within 1-3k), please feel free to send in suggestions. Got to fill those last two spots up after all, and I'd love to write something for anyone who follows me on here.

I always try to dip my toes into one new fandom each PEDIA, kind of a fun little tradition, but this year I've gone overboard and done three! Good Omens, Zelda (Tears of the Kingdom) and Nimona. Always a fun challenge to try to write outside of my comfort zone, and I like how these turned out.

My estimate is that we are going to land around 250k words total.

I'm so excited to embark on another year of PEDIA. This will be my 6th time doing it (I started in 2017, and other than 2019 where I was writing my thesis, I've tried to do them every year). Wish me luck!

Day 11: Career Reflection and Year-end Evaluations 

Went into the office, and it always makes me feel better even though I don't go in as much as I should.  

Finally submitted an assignment that took me way too long to finish, but I'm glad I got it out. 

I met with my manager to review what was on my plate and see if I am over-committing myself. After laying out what I had on my plate, I decided I could handle everything and was in a much better place mentally.  

I also asked for areas where I could improve. Of course, he said asking for help, but my manager also suggested I improve my presenting skills. While I know I struggle with it, he said it's because he knows I know what I'm talking about; I just have to be confident. He also said I have to make my presence known. 

Newfound passion in my role

Starting side projects and gave myself a personal work project. I found a new love for projects; it's always been my favorite part of any role. I talked to my mom about it, and it got me thinking about pursuing project management as a career. Today I put my workbook together and started the preliminary analysis. I also organized my notes and mapped out the following steps! I'm super excited to get the creativity flowing! 

Going to do some research on what skills are needed to excel in a project-based role 

I asked my aunt for her tips since she's in the same type of role, so I'm putting together some questions to ask her. 

Also wondering if I should invest in a tool or how I can track my progress another way 

Reflecting on Year 1 

Year 1: In September, I will be 1 year in my position, and time has flown by. I was completely new to finance, and it was quite the "work culture shock" I went from being a micromanaged hourly worker to a trusted salaried finance employee. There were a lot of hiccups, and I learned what exposure meant. The first year, I kept my head down, learning background information, and focused on understanding our tasks and roles in the audit process. I built my personal library and got organized. I learned new tips and tricks for communication. I am immensely grateful and fortunate for this position. I interact with upper management in a way that doesn't usually come to entry-level associates. I feel so lucky to have landed in a project-based role unintendedly, it's something I wanted to dip my toes in, and I feel blessed every day I go to work.  

Heading into year-end evaluations: I've come far in just a year and am excited to see what next year brings. I plan to use the knowledge I learned and make my presence known in the department. My mentorship is going great, and I'm finally starting my side projects. Also starting to think about the next leg of my career, which means new goals! Made a note to reevaluate my PeopleSoft goals. I feel the shift from learning to actually doing and the ending of being able to fall back. I will embark on a journey to make a name for myself, and I can't wait to see what's in store. I know things won't always be smooth sailing, but I'm learning not to fear the unknown. Fantastic opportunities lie right outside of my comfort zone.  

Tremendous opportunities lie right outside of my comfort zone.  

looking at opal jewelry, dipping my toes outside my comfort zone of titanium and silver chains only, feels like the resurgence of femininity i go through every 2-3 years im like shopping therapy milf lesbian flipping through my catalogs sighing about how my girl eras never match up to good fashion trends

Have you read this piece the New Yorker wrote about Toto? It's quite long but it's a good read and it has some interesting behind the scenes moments of the boys, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, if you have any.

For example, it always strikes me how George, especially by journalists but also by a lot of fans and people in general, is often seen as the extroverted one, out of the two of them. I'm on the fence about calling George an introvert - I think he's pretty ambiverted, leaning towards the more extroverted side, actually - but Lewis is definitely an extroverted person in his life outside of racing. And even within F1 we know that he's an outspoken person behind the scenes, in briefings and such, taking on leadership, all of that - so that notion that he seems to be an introvert by nature surprised me, even though it's not the first time I've seen someone suggest it.

I bunkered down and read this whole thing in one go, and ots was a very very interesting read. While I love the moments about the boys, I can’t lie to you the best moment by far was how they describe Toto breaking a record, crashing a car, and then climbing a barrier before passing out, and Susie seeing that and going that’s hot I should wish him well

That and Niki Lauda seeing toto break a vertebrae, lose his sense of smell and taste for 6 months, and going “you deserved that, dumbass”

Okay back to the boys, controversially: they’re both introverted.

I don’t think it has to be one or the other, nor do I think if one is the introvert, the other is the extrovert. I also think a pitfall of the introvert/extrovert discussion is that it doesn’t account for special interests, and how the passion for them can drive you above all else.

I am an introvert, I have to take set times every day to be alone or I get overstimulated and pissy, and yet I run a blog where I talk to people daily, and I can talk for hours on end about my passions. I get told a lot I seem excited and confident to people who first meet me. I’m not, I am just very good at acting like I’m not freaking out.

It’s cause of all that ramble about me that I can see the introverted-ness in Lewis and George. For George, we often only see him at the track, when he’s racing, when he’s in his element of special interest. It’s worth reading his GQ interview to see him expand on this, but to him, he sees his only true skill as racing, and he’s very shy and shut away elsewhere. We only see George when he feels most confident and assured, when he’s in the zone. Instead of judging his personality based on that alone I think it’s worth focusing on what we DON’T see, or see glimpses of. How he prefers to be alone with his team and family, how he’s often shy and unsure at fan meetings, how he’s only just starting to dip his toe into sponsoring outside f1. Georges greatest trick is that his celebrity is based on him doing what he loves most: racing.

As for Lewis I think he has had a long, long time to learn to harness his status, and the confidence of being the greatest driver to ever live is one hell of a boost, but at his core we only know about him what he wants to share, and those are his passions. Music, art, fashion, film, driving, all things he loves and feels he can talk confidently on, but it’s not frequent we see Lewis talk about himself when it’s not pried out of him. Think of how little we see of him in his personal life outside of videos of Roscoe. Think of how quiet and thoughtful he often is about his driving. He’s insanely clever, and he’d be right to brag, but every media interview he gives is carefully thought out. It’s worth looking at his vanity fair (I think?) interview for the same reason as George’s GQ, it looks at the core of the man behind the mask, someone who is also at his most comfortable in the car on the track. It’s no coincidence that’s the first time we ever saw him talk at length about AD.

It’s also why I find how he and George approach their friendship, as such a private thing, so sweet in a way? They don’t feel the need to flaunt it for PR or to show others they get on, they’re quite content to go to work and keep those things to themselves. It’s part of who they are, the personal stuff, the things that are fragile but special to them, don’t always go online.

Back when I was in grade 6, I was so obsessed with the HP books. I read them all (rented from the school library or borrowed from my sister, as she had been gifted 1,2, and 5) but the last one as it was never available for rental.

By the time I was in grade 8, I had moved on. I know I've spoken of this before but it's worth noting again, since I still see people talking about this series like it's the be-all-and-end-all book series.

You see, I started to read other books. Classics like Dracula and The Time Machine. I read Michael Crichton books. I dipped my toes into Anne McCaffrey's dragon books (I don't even remember which ones now). I read stuff like Fury: Stallion of Broken Wheel Ranch and The Guardians of Ga'hoole.

Anyways, in grade 9 I saw they had the last HP book just... sitting there. So I decided to re-read the series.

And man, it didn't hold up anymore. The writing didn't hold up to the books I had been reading. The lore and world building? Weird and uncomfortable, and characters seemed content to live in bad situations when they had the ability to change them.

And then it gets worse, as I read the last book finally. Snape gets a random good-guy arc? Draco is forgiven at the end? Voldemort has a boring death and the final duel is the lamest thing in the series? Man... It was bad.

I read this and put the series away from my mind. The only time it ever came up was when it was talked about in high school, and that was entirely us pointing out the issues it had.

Now, as an adult, I see people my age and older wearing HP clothing. Naming their kids for the series. Acting like it's some great writing opus when they obviously never read anything else (or just saw the movies).

You know what other series I remember being big was in middle school? Twilight. If you walked around in a team Edward shirt and named your kid Renesme you'd be a laughing stock. But wear a full HP themed outfit is okay?

At least I can appreciate what Twilight was. It was a flash-in-the-pan success that made its money and left. It doesn't linger like a cancer.

For the HP fans out there, please read something else. Step outside of your comfort zone and experience something better. Trust me, you won't regret it.

Hmmm. I’d say that based on your stories you generally prefer your characters to be positive and supportive towards one another. Cruelty (at least the truly viciously intentional sort) is something that you’d rather your characters not embody, or if they do it’s temporary and quickly remedied. Generally people are well-intentioned? And sex is a positive act of love even if it’s something that’s not “vanilla” or is outside a character’s comfort zone (I’m thinking of the poolside Taylor/miles/Alex threesome fic…one of my faves). I hope this isn’t too far off 😬 but tell me if it is.

That's super spot on 🥹💞

I very much enjoy moving within a more rose-tinted world when I write, where people are nice and well-meaning, and where things don't ever get too bad for anyone, a reprieve from the darkness and cruelty of our real world.

I sometimes use fic as an escape, and I know many others do to. A way to just exist in calmness, a world that isn't too demanding on my heart. Which is also why it makes me SO HAPPY when people tell me my fics are like getting a big warm hug. I love being able to provide that for others (and myself too).

Also, I guess I feel enough darkness within myself, I dont need my characters to feel that way too. I dip my toe once in a while into something a bit grittier, but I need to give them those happy endings. That's what they inspire me to provide anyway 😂❤️

Thank you so much, this was so thoughtful! 💕💕

Hey, hey, Fe! ❤️

💖 What is your primary writing goal for this year?

🛳 Are there any new ships you want to write for? (Platonic, romantic, or anything in between.)

💖: to actually write? haha nah but I’m hoping to finish my ongoing series, write more in general and try to write outside of my comfort zone (unless that’s too scary, then I won’t)!

🛳️: I’m excited to write my OC’s and their respective partners (topgun pilots) but I’m also thinking of dipping my toes into bob x jake, bradley x jake, bradley x bob, romantically. Platonically I’ve already got a fic for jake and javy being absolute besties, so that will be fun to explore! Thinking about nat x bradley as well but idk how well received that would be!

Sorry I’ve been MIA for abit…. I got really sick (had a really bad fever and now an itchy cough 😵‍💫) but I do really enjoy not going on my phone that often too… but I’ve been seeing and learning new things, slowly regaining my energy to eat and enjoying my time with my family. I’ve only got a month left with them before I go back to Uni so time must be spent wisely! but 2022 has been a very tiring year for me. I’ve learned a lot of things and realized I’ve focused on things that don’t matter as much to me but I’m glad I went outside my comfort zone and dipped my toes into something new. At least now I know and I can count it as a new experience but I’ve got to protect my own energy. I’m not saying that I’m not open to new experiences either, just… I’d rather tread carefully next time! Well all I need is tenderness and a bit more love for the next year and i wish everyone the same ❤️🫂

Writing is hard . .

Well, it's hard when it's a style you're not too used to working with. But I'm going to dip my toes into prose writing, which is definitely not my comfort zone. At all.

And not only that, I'm delving into a genre that, as a reader is my truly guilty pleasure: fanfiction.

I'm a total fangirl. A merch-loving, con-going, occasionally cosplaying fan girl. For numerous fandoms.

And I've constantly admired fan fic writers who can bring the characters I love to life in new universes and new adventures, making me fall in love with them over and over again.

So I'm making the leap - and giving it a try. Fingers crossed I don't crash and burn in the process.

I've had this idea which has been banging around my brain for a year and finally got it down on paper. It's just a short little gift for a couple of friends for their favorite ship: Klaine.

(Who am I kidding, they are one of my favorites too. I adore those boys. ❤️❤️)

The funny thing is I think I did it all backward. In the long process of writing this short, I got the idea for the entire backstory for the boys in this AU - which probably means a long multi-chapter story.

Isn't that supposed to come first: the big main story, then all the one-shots created after that? 😂

So all my notes I've been jotting down for the past year will be used for something more - and I'm kind of excited about that.

But first, just waiting for my writer friend (who is actually outside the fandom) to give my wee short a look through. I'm curious to see how what I wrote sits with someone without the emotional ties to the characters. I'm ready to rip it apart and rework it so it becomes a nice solid piece of writing.

So now - just on pins and needles waiting to get my feedback.

A nice aside, my two friends have been cheerleaders for me through this process and are very excited to see what I've come up with for them. I definitely don't want to let them down.

Alright I'm finally doing this. I joined this app a few months ago with the hopes of finding a community or an rp parter/s to engage some time into. Though eager, I found myself intimidated by this platform bright and colorful settings and people. In turn I walked away from it, to afraid to even dip my toes. After a little and I mean a very little bit of "familiarizing" myself with the platform I decided the best way to go about this was to throw myself head first.

I am an 18 year old female that enjoys a vast amount of different kinds of rp and experiences. My main platform I used for rp was Amino, when it was in its prime. My accout was removed about a year and change ago for reasons still unknown to me. I have not been able to find any ways to formally interact or engage with others who share a similar rp interest as myself. I'm here to turn a new page in my narrative and put myself out there.

I am a litterate rp person (idk if there's a proper term or not) I enjoy writing long paragraphs, developing story, worldbuilding and relationships I am not the most experienced, I've done rp related mumbojumbo for 4+ years but am typically slow on the new aspects that pop up with rp topics. I want to learn to experience and have fun. Rps I am most fond of are romance, fantasy, medieval, westerns, midcentury, modern, even a little scifi from here and there. I am always open to something new and love to be pushed outside my comfort zone. I had many character that are lost now that I no longer have access to Amino. I live to make characters and can and will make new oc to fit new stories and plots.

I'm really looking forward to connecting and learning about tumber and how best to navigate it. Dont ever feel shy to ask me for an rp regardless of literacy or topic.

the second i dip my toes outside my comfort zone by myself it always backfires so like meh

Bathed in Moonlight

Rory Monahan x Reader smut

wordcount: 2.8k warnings: fingering, swearing, penetration, public sex kinda? 

You settled yourself further against the wooden frame of the hot tub you resided in, sipping at the glass of rose in your hand and laughing at a joke that Audrey had just made across from you. To your left, Rory laughed along too, his shoulder pressing into yours as he sidled slightly closer to you. His hand found yours beneath the dark water, turned inky by the reflection of the night sky. You were in the middle of filming the second season of My Roanoke Nightmare and you and the rest of the cast had decided to have a few drinks and catch up with each other from the comfortable warmth of the hot tub. Draining the final dregs from your wine glass, you reached over to place the empty glass on the rim of the large wooden tub. The cold night air was chill on the arm you lifted from the warmth of the water, causing you to quickly re-submerge it into the heat surrounding you with a sign of contentment before settling further into the water. “Well, I might go and get some sleep.” Matt yawned, Lee quick to agree with him. You wished them a goodnight as they hoisted themselves out of the tub, the water falling from their bodies as they rose and quickly walked to the warmth of the house. Now it was just you, Rory, Audrey and Monet left in the water, Shelby having gone to bed hours ago with the excuse of being too tired. You listened to the casual exchange beginning between the three, resting your head on the side of the tub and stifling a poorly concealed yawn.

Rory snapped his head to you. “You’re tired? You can’t be tired.”  You squealed as his hands found your waist beneath the dark surface of the water, shrieking as he pulled you onto his lap.  “C’mon, it’s so nice outside right now.” He growled playfully, his lips hovering near your ear as you struggled to get out of his grip, your thrashing movements causing the water to splash and sending small ripples travelling across the dark surface. “I know!” You said defensively, “I’m just getting a little sleepy.”  Audrey nodded across from you, sparing a brief glance of disappointment to her empty glass. “I’m rather tired too, actually.” “Guys, come on. Stay out for just a little while longer?” Rory pleaded, causing you to smile at his childlike persistence as you rested your head back against his warm shoulder. “I’ll go in when you go in.” You promised. The others decided to stay out a while longer too, a steady conversation beginning to flow once more.  At one point, you shifted on Rory’s lap slightly, trying to sink deeper into the water as the height you gained from being seated on him left your shoulders exposed to the cool night air. Rory let out a small exhale of air as you did so, causing you to turn and offer him a questionable glance. He met your gaze, not offering you an explanation and instead pressing a kiss to the tender spot where your neck met your shoulder; you turned back around, moving to the left just slightly in order to try and sink yourself down between his legs. This time, his hiss of discomfort was audible. You tensed, only just now realising what your small movements were doing to him. Indeed, beneath your ass, his cock rose ever so slightly, pressing into you firmly. “Stop moving.” He said lowly in your ear. You froze, clearing your throat slightly before leaning back into him once more. Rory relaxed under your weight, his arms coming to wrap securely around your waist. But the press of his dick against your ass persisted and you found yourself feeling slightly guilty. Your intentions had been completely innocent, you hadn’t meant to rub your ass on him, it had just kind of happened.  Rory’s voice was loud in your ear as he once again dove into the conversation being passed around. His hands shifted from their hold on your waist, Rory’s fingertips beginning to brush up and down your sides softly. The touch was comforting and soon you were tying to stifle another series of yawns. When your companions took control of the conversation, Rory’s input fading away, he leaned in close to your ear. “What do I have to do to keep you awake, huh?” You huffed a soft laugh at his words, reaching back a hand to cup the back of his neck as you twisted, your lips finding his own ear. “I dunno, why are you so desperate to keep me up?” You questioned back, your thumb making a soft swipe down the damp skin of his neck. His hips bucked up slightly, making you gasp as his hardness rubbed up into your ass. “What was that?” You questioned, a scolding tone entering your voice. Your friends were sat only a few feet away, now wasn’t the time.  “What?” He replied innocently. “I’m just showing you what you did to me.” You took a deep breath, trying to push aside the knot of arousal that slowly began to burn within you at his comment. “I didn’t mean to.” You whispered back, releasing your hold on his neck and turning back around, praying that the deep blush branding your cheeks wasn’t too noticeable in the surrounding dark. Rory’s rough chuckle in your ear was enough make you squirm, desperately fighting the urge to press your thighs together. “I know, that’s what makes it so hot.”  Your pussy flooded with wetness at this and you cursed the vast amounts of rose you had drank that evening for making you so fucking easy to turn on. Rory must’ve been silently celebrating this exact thought as, with a soft kiss to the shell of your ear, he trailed his fingertips down from your sides to the tops of your thighs.  You dug your elbow into his ribs in warning, but he paid you no heed, allowing his fingers to light continue their journey down, down, until they were hovering right at the apex of your thighs, teasing at the material of your bikini bottoms.  His hard-on grew ever harder at the heat beginning to radiate from your pussy beneath the thin fabric of your underwear, evident even through the warmth of the water.  You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to zone out of Rory’s exploring touches and into the conversation still taking place before you. But you just couldn’t focus enough to provide your own input, not as one of Rory’s fingertips slipped into the fabric of your underwear, swirling around the slick wetness that had gathered there. Taking a deep breath, one of your hands found his forearm beneath the inky water, squeezing and digging your nails in slightly. Rory smirked, his finger plunging into you up to his knuckle without warning. The gasp that you let out was mortifying and you immediately cleared your throat in an attempt to mask the noise that slipped out as your two companions snapped their heads to you, questionable looks creasing their brows. “Sorry,” you muttered. “Rory’s hand scared me. This water is too dark.” You joked lightly, swallowing tightly when Rory wiggled the finger he had seated in you. He was rock hard beneath you. His whisper was barely more than an exhaled breath in your ear as he leaned in, commenting: “So wet for me. I guess you’re not so tired after all.” Your toes curled at his teasing tone and it was all you could do but dip your chin in a subtle nod as Audrey and Monet turned back to each other, gossiping happily, their occasional loud laughs filling the air. Rory’s finger wiggled again, this time somehow spearing deeper and you gripped his arm harder, partly in silent warning and partly in mounting want. Your legs parted beneath the water of their own accord as Rory pulled his finger out to the first knuckle before pushing it back into you, repeating this motion several times before allowing a second finger to join. The tips of his fingers were crinkled from being submerged in the water for so long, creating a pleasant friction whenever he brushed the spot inside of you that made drawing in even breaths difficult.  His touch on your thighs, the warmth of the water surrounding your bodies and his slender fingers casually sliding in and out of you was both too much and not enough; your head fell back onto his shoulder, your eyes drifting closed. From across the tub, it just seemed as if the warmth of the water and the copious amount of wine you had drank were slowly lulling you to sleep, but in reality, your skin was crawling with feverish desire that grew with each slow, deep reaching stroke of your boyfriend’s fingers. “You wanna go inside to sleep now?” Rory teased, his teeth catching at your earlobe as you released a shuddering breath. “Arrogant prick.” You huffed quietly.  “Awe, what?” He cooed back, equally as hushed. His warm breath fanned the side of you face pleasantly, causing your body to melt into his. “You’d better fuck me after this, I swear to god.” He merely laughed, his fingers slowly their pace even further as he turned back to Audrey and Monet, laughing softly at the joke that Monet had just made. He dove back into the conversation, drawing out your patience and pleasure as his fingers retained their idle exploration of your cunt. You could do nothing but sit and endure his gentle torment, trying and pitifully failing in listening to the conversation the others were having.  Your skin heated to beyond the temperature of the water and, when Audrey finally announced that she was tired, Monet joining her as they vacated the water and quickly ran inside, your eyes were half-lidded, your mouth slightly parted.  As soon as the side door of the house closed, Rory’s fingers shoved into you, the groan that you emitted finally allowed to float into the chilly night air. “Fuck you.” You whimpered, a thin sheen of sweat coating your forehead as you were finally able to express to Rory the pleasure he was giving you. “Okay.” He replied, his fingers drawing out of you as he tucked his hands beneath your thighs and hoisted you forwards, the water making your weight light in his arm. He dropped off the small ledge the two of you had been sat on, stepping to the middle of the tub, where the water was deeper and spinning you around in his arms. You lurched for his mouth, catching his lips in yours as the water whispered around the movements of your bodies.  As Rory returned your roving, commanding kiss, one of his hands drifted back to your pussy, his fingertip tracing a single line up the centre of your clothed cunt before tugging your underwear down your legs.  You attacked his waist with you thighs, wrapping them tightly around his torso as he moved his own underwear aside, not noticing when they floated up to the surface of the water beside him. “Tell me how much you want me.” He said, breaking apart from your frenzied lips, your mind foggy with delirium from the taste of him. “Rory,” you croaked, your arms wrapping around his neck in an attempt to pull his head to your chest. “I need you. You felt how wet you got me - just, please.” His pupils expanded at your words and he lurched his lips to yours once more, his tongue making grand sweeps around your mouth, leaving you completely breathless, his cock the only coherent thought in your brain. “Please.” You said again as Rory’s head fell forwards, one of his hands leaving your waist to pull the padded cup of your bikini bra away from your tit. His lips closed around your nipple just as his solid cock plunged deep into you. Your deep groans mingled, twining together and floating up into the star flecked sky as he settled himself into you, his immediate thrusts causing the breath to catch in your throat. “Rory.” You moaned his name, your head tipping back to the moon shining high above you as Rory began to steadily work you on his cock, the prior arousal he had so skilfully built with his fingers mounting once more, the intensity of him filling you sending jolts of pleasure shooting all the way to the fingertips that you had gripped in the damp strands of his fiery hair plastered to the nape of his neck. “Rory, I -” your words trailed off into a deep humming moan “I need more. Please.” You squeaked, the loving thrusts he was providing you not even close to dousing the burning desire roaring throughout your entire being. “Always so needy.” He murmured, his smooth words punctuated by harsh thrusts that brushed against every pleasurable spot within you. “You’re always so needy, huh?” He repeated, his hands trailing up the length of your spine before grappling in the soaked strands of your hair that fanned out behind you on the surface of the water. “Yes.” You groaned out, your voice breaking with the brutal thrust his cock made into you. “What do you say, baby? If you want more, want to do you say?” He encouraged in a croon. “M-more please. Please.” He moved so fast that your pleasure fogged brain couldn’t comprehend what had happened when Rory unhooked your arms and legs from him, the water swirling and murmuring around your body as he spun you around. You reached forwards to clasp the edge of the tub to prevent your head from falling under the water as Rory reached for your legs once more, his cock slipping out of you as he re-hooked your thighs around his waist so that you were floating face down on the surface of the water, held upright by your legs wrapped around his torso and your tight hold on the rough rim of the tub.  The water surged into your gaping pussy, causing your mouth to fall open of its own accord with a trembling gasp. He didn’t hesitate before filling you once more, pushing the water out of your slick cunt so that it was only him that filled you, that pleased you.  Your toes curled, your wet fingers almost slipping from their grip on the side of the tub.  You couldn’t even muster the coherence to thank him as he fulfilled your wish, your new position allowing the swollen head of his cock to reach deeper into you, pressing against both of your pleasure spots. “Shake the fucking stars with your moans, baby. C’mon.” He encouraged, your vision blurring as your eyes rolled fully back. You did, unleashing your audible pleasure into the night sky and surrounding forests, not caring if those in the house heard you as you cried out hoarsely, Rory’s fast paced pounding coaxing unbelievable amounts of pleasure from you, your orgasm nearing. His own grunts and gasps filled the air with yours, all of his muscles tensing as your pussy clenched around him, encouraging his own orgasm to mount. With a shout, he released inside of you, his cum pouring deep inside you and catalysing your own orgasm, which ripped through you with a force that made your fingers fully slip from the rim of the tub, your grip lost to the pleasure that washed over you.  Rory caught you before your head fell into the water, his hands pulling your body back into his so that your back was pressed into his strong chest. The vulnerable position that this left you in, with your back arched, your tits pushed out and exposed to the surroundings before you only fuelled your orgasm. Wave after wave of ecstasy rammed into you, leaving you gasping for air between pitiful cries of gratification, your water-slick body trembling in Rory’s hold. When Rory stilled his messy rutting into you, you were able to gain full control of your body once more, your head falling forwards onto you chest as you worked to heave down greedy gulps of night air. Rory pressed a warm kiss to the side of your neck, carefully untangling your body from his and turning you around, the water brushing across your too hot skin with the movement. “You okay?” He breathed, holding you to him and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Yes.” You panted softly, meeting his dimly glowing gaze, the reflection of the crescent moon glinting in his dark eyes. “Yes, that was amazing.” You gushed, accepting the light kiss he placed on your lips. He gathered your body to his, the night once again falling into a still quiet as he sat on the ledge of the tub once more, your body strewn across his lap. The stars were bright and plentiful and you surveyed them together in the dark, remaining in the moonlight-bathed water until it turned cold.

taglist: @kitwalker02 @three-eyed-snail @forevercountess @kitwalkerangel @milly-louise @thecountessesglove @undeadcortez @kitwalker64 @samsassinparvismagna (if you wanna be added or removed, just send me a message <3)

mask (sakusa x y/n)

What happens when Sakusa realizes masks are better off than on?

genre: hurt/comfort, sakusa is in time skip!

wc: 2.2k

It was known that Sakusa is reserved, he only shows his most relaxed self to those who he trusts, which includes you. He can show those random, whacky emotions, teasing you and giving some gen z emojis but being open and vulnerable? That’s just not him.

You have been dating him for almost a few months now and a lot of people were surprised that you both actually worked out. The dynamic you both have was something people often quote as ‘not compatible’. You knew him before since you both have few classes together in college but who would’ve thought from those unintentional crossings lead you here. Sakusa’s character is pretty obvious and you kind of get it by now how he works and acts but was there any difference between before and now? Why does it feel like the walls are kept up, and builds higher than before?

You tried to initiate a lot of things. He does too but he was indeed more awkward, baby steps as you call it. Despite all that, you appreciate him, all the things he did were definitely out of his comfort zone. You kept saying to yourself that he's trying, remembering that he was the one that confessed first. You hold onto that memory in hope that it will be dynamic throughout the relationship.

But how about right now? With the new season up and running, you kept seeing less and less of him. Countless lonely dinners and cold bedsheets. Rescheduled dates and missing out on one another. You almost excused Sakusa for forgetting your anniversary, thinking it was a given. You signed up to be with someone that has no constant rhythm in their life, always the next big thing to keep their lives afloat. Again, you put on another layer, masking away, reasoning to yourself that things will work out. You don't want to bother him, let alone be the reason why he is stressing out. Patience has always been a good nature of you but sometimes, you question if you should stop being selfless and start being selfish. He is your boyfriend after all.

Sakusa noticed the subtle changes that happened. He felt that you were perfect. Too perfect, as a matter of fact. He wanted to sit down and try to understand why and where this was coming from because he definitely didn't confess to you for perfection. He wanted you. Not any other version. Pure and transparent. No mask. But as much as he wanted to, it is still out of his nature, and with the season starting, it will be quite some time before he can bring this again.

Mid through the season, work is piling up, matches are getting tougher each time they win. That’s a given. You came to almost all of his games and have them recorded on tv. Whatever the outcome, you will always be proud of him. He was basking in his prime condition; you were there for him and his plays were getting synchronized with the team at a rate that even the coach was surprised. He left the thought at the back of his mind, focusing on what he has to do first. After each match, you both have this little ritual, spending some alone time together starting with dinner as both of your schedules sometimes don't overlap quite nicely. Sakusa told you about his plays as if you weren’t there to witness it all and you can’t blame him. You love seeing the sparkle in his eyes when he talks about how good it felt when spiking. The conversation flows naturally and you both talked about how your days went. You were both walking diaries of each other. Not until Sakusa flipped a page that has been long overdue.

He cussed himself to have the audacity to forget about this issue. He doesn’t like this. It was as if he’s taking advantage of your facade, your mask. Even though Sakusa tells you many times that you need to wear one physically, this was something that he wished to be stripped off completely. He hates it. He hates that he can't be a safe space for you. Someone you can let yourself breathe from the suffocating expectations from the outside world. But what he hates the most is that you changed yourself to accommodate his own ignorance.

Sakusa flipped his match schedule. It looks like there won't be another match in 5 days. He called Meian and Iwaizumi if it’s okay if he takes a few days off from practice. Both of them were surprised that Sakusa would even ask for a day off but they agreed anyway. He’s not the type to ask for one so this must be something really important.

Saturday shifts are hard. You only have one day of rest before hustling again on Monday but oh you were SO GLAD that your manager said that you can have a paid leave on Monday after helping out on a side project for some other team.

You pushed your shared apartment door, dragging your feet inside. You saw Sakusa peek his head from the kitchen. He took off his apron and walked to you, grabbing your bags from the floor and giving a peck on your cheek. You went to the bedroom and saw the bath bomb that you bought impulsively on your previous date. A bath sounds nice, you thought to yourself.

Filling up the bath to a slightly hotter temperature, a much-needed one to shake that fatigue out from your body and start your long weekend with a fresher body. Gently dipping your toes, you hold the sides and lower yourself in, letting the heat seep into your skin. As you were shuffling your position, a knock on the bathroom door.

“Can I come in?”

“Doors unlocked so yeah baby come in”

Sakusa twisted the knob, letting himself in. He sat on the floor next to the tub, a rare sight for Sakusa and you. He folded his arms on the dry part of the tub and stared into your eyes. Losing himself in your mind, finding where he actually belongs. He knows this isn’t the right time, not even a good one, to bring up this matter but it has been pushed back for too long, he couldn’t care less about what setting it was in right now. You were always firm on your stands, confronting those to have the middle ground in everything but now, it was as if he’s with someone else.

“Hey sunshine, how's the bath”

You flushed at the pet name he called you. When was the last time you heard that softness, that warmth? The sense of home and belonging to another person, solely wanting to give your whole life away in exchange for his.

“It's pretty nice. Do you wanna join in?”

“Hmm sounds nice.”

He removes his mask and strips quickly, submerging himself into the tub in front of you. He pressed his muscular, toned back to your chest, taking its warmth into his body. Taking in whatever he could take from you between his skin and yours. Your scent, your heat, your touch, the friction, sensation - everything. He knows he wants everything but how about you? He sometimes thinks that he forced you into the relationship, going above and beyond to go with how he handles things. His fussy attitude when it comes to cleaning, being in crowds, and towards people in general. Whatever the train of thought was, he needs to know, He can’t bear seeing his future bland and monotonous because you were not there. You were his yellow, heck, you were his entire spectrum.

“Hey y/n, I know it's not a good time to ask this but, did I do something that makes you uncomfortable? I know I’m not good with words or being affectionate, doing all those sweet things that you see in movies but the last thing I want you to be is forcing yourself to be something that you are not.

“If there’s anything wrong that I did please tell me I…”.

“No! You did nothing wrong. You were perfect but maybe too perfect. I have this feeling that you weren't being yourself for quite some time. It's like you have this mask that you put on whenever you are with me. I know you are sensitive in nature - both to other people and towards yourself, which is why I fell in love with but aren't relationships supposed to be a two-way thing? I need to know what’s bothering you so please talk to me. I want you to feel safe with me. I want you to be your most comfortable as if both of us are the only ones that are living on this earth. I wish I could come and talk to you sooner about this but I got too caught up in the games. It's my fault. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be braver on confronting things like these. I’ll try to be more attentive to the small things”

Hearing this from Sakusa made your heart burst into so many emotions that were buried for so long. Happy, sad, hopeless, desperation, anger, guilt but most importantly, longing. You could only cry when he finished his last words. You were gasping for air, clawing yourself into Sakusa’s shoulders to grip on whatever you can. Wet streams trickled down Sakusa’s nape, dampening them. Sakusa was flustered as if it was the first time he ever saw you broke down. The first time? Oh God, how much has he been missing in this relationship...

“I’m sorry Omi. I was trying to be understanding. I tried to make this home at least a space where you can have at least some peace. I wanted to be with you more so badly but I know by asking it, you have to take time off or you might just think I'm annoying. And I hate it. Words cut more for me since it is the least effort to bring out but weighs the most. I don't think I can bear with it. So I avoided it. I avoid creating any chances that would lead us to fight. But then, it hit me when you started to slip away, distancing yourself subtly. Our dinner time became shorter, we didn't even cuddle anymore because your muscles were sore and I want them to heal fast so you can play your best. It seems like it backfired huh?”

Sakusa was taken aback due to a lot of things. How he finally was able to hear you say his pet name, the range of small things that you do, putting him as your topmost priority when you yourself are buried down, succumbing to earth more and more. How could he be so blind? It hurts him. It hurts him that you didn't even consider being comfortable with him. It destroys him that all of your actions were threaded with the thoughts of him when he did nothing, even worse, he forgot. Sakusa felt a sting poking through his heart, thin-like rods thrusting through it slowly. He felt a burning sensation that he was sure he didn’t like. If he felt this after hearing all of these, what about you? You’ve been carrying these for weeks, stretching out to months, yet you’re still here. How did he end up with someone as thoughtful and wonderful as you? He turned his body around, facing you. Your legs tangling together, bringing you inside his embrace, pushing your foreheads together. He lets out a breath after his thoughts finally reach a verdict.

“Hey bub, it’s okay. We’re here now. I’m sorry it took my dumbass this long to have this conversation. You don’t know how much you meant to me even though I barely show it. Please know that at least. I love you. I love you so much, too much that I cannot imagine waking up the next day without you. You were the reason I can handle Atsumu’s ass, thinking about if I can go through that part of the day, I can see you again. A little reward from me to myself. I asked for a few days off, shall we do a bit of catching up session?”

A tint of coral pink brushes lightly on top of your cheeks. Seeing Sakusa being all vulnerable and open, is a view that you wish no one will ever see besides you. You smiled and chuckled lightly.

Sakusa's heart swells. There it is. The smile that got him smitten all over. The small chuckle that you made was a symphony to his ears. It was as if at this moment he fell in love again. He found the you that he fell for but even deeper. He swore that day he would never make you feel like this.

You both get out, drying yourself together. Omi blow-dried your hair and you did his. He's pretty good at managing your hair because of his curls. You both did a random 14-step Korean skincare routine and cuddling around watching your favorite movie - Pride and Prejudice. Sakusa never understood why you liked this movie so much but today he finally does. When two lovers placed down their masks and finally faced each other, all became visible. The adoration in one's eyes, longing for the warmth of the other, to finally be together.

until the poets run out of rhyme

pairing: poe dameron x f!reader (modern au)

summary: poe and the reader go out for drinks with their friends, but soon have to make a detour in their evening plans. (based on the prompt: if you want to leave, we can)

word count: 4k ~

warnings: swearing, mentions of anxiety, sensory overload

You curl and uncurl your feet, burying your toes into the plush of your carpet, gnawing on your bottom lip as you stare at the dress on your bed. In just under an hour, your long-time best friend Poe Dameron will be showing up to pick you up to take you to Maz’s for drinks with Snap, Jess, Kare and Sura to celebrate Sura’s most recent journalism award. 

You aren't as close to them as you are to Poe - they were more his group of friends rather than your shared one of him, Finn and Rey - but they’d welcomed you with warm arms long ago, much like how your group of friends - Kaydel, Beaumont and Rose - welcomed Poe.

Which means that you really want to go to Maz’s bar and enjoy drinks with him, his friends, and celebrate Sura’s big moment because you know how much ass she kicks at her job and just how hard she's worked to get where she is today. But familiar icy ribbons of anxiety have coiled in your gut, spilling up and twisting around your heart at the idea of going out.

You close your eyes, breathing out slowly. Briefly, you remember something Poe once said, half as a joke, half as a genuine reassurance to himself, and you mumble it out loud to yourself in the empty room, “Happy beeps. You can do this.”

It doesn’t erase your anxiety, but the memory of your best friend is enough to bring a sense of comfort to you, and you grab the dress with a gentle smile on your lips to get dressed. The skirt flares out at your knees, and is a deep shade of red, with a sheer neck and sleeves. It’s comfortable, and once you add a pair of flat heeled ankle boots to the look, you think you’re just about ready.

You grab your purse and duck out of your bedroom into your living room, stopping by the bookcase to make your decision on which book to take. Finn and Rey were at first baffled by this trait of yours (then immediately started joking about how you really were perfect for Poe), but you never left home without a book within reach. Most of the time, you didn’t actually get a chance to even read it, but knowing you had one...helped your nerves. It was like carrying a miniature hug in your purse.

It took you longer than you expected to land on a decision: by the time you’re shoving your selected paperback into your purse, there’s a familiar knock on the door. Your heart does a quick somersault in your chest, and you bound to the door. You peer out the peep-hole, to see Poe standing in the hallway, waving a cheeky hello in your direction.

You grin as you unlatch the door, opening it with a swing. Your greeting flees from your mind as you take in the sight of him. It’s not so different from his usual attire, but he’s ditched his usual tee-shirt and beat-up leather flight jacket for a black button-up and black leather jacket. The jeans, however, are the same.

“Wow,” Poe breathes, beating you to the compliment as he gawks at you. “You look...really pretty.”

Heat rushes to your cheeks as you duck your head, giving a slight twirl so the skirt will flare out around you as you spin. When you come back to a stop in front of him, Poe’s still got that gobsmacked expression on your face that sends butterflies soaring in your gut. “You think?”

“I know,” Poe affirms, composing himself. “You ready for this?”

You nod once, “Just let me get my purse, I forgot it on the counter. You can come in, you know. You don’t have to wait outside every time, you’re not a vampire.” You don’t look behind you as you move through your apartment, but you hear the door click behind Poe as he follows.

“I could be, you don’t know for sure.” Poe calls. 

You bark a laugh as you pull your purse over your shoulder, twisting to face him as he crosses the room to you. “Mhm, I’ve seen you doing your hair in the mirror before, you have a reflection. You love the sunlight, and you always eat the garlic bread I make when we have dinner parties.” 

“I could be a recent vampire?” Poe tries with a lopsided smile, and you giggle again. His eyes light up at the sound; he loves hearing your laugh but especially loves it when he’s the cause of it. He’ll be purposely ridiculous for it any day of the week. “Got your book?” 

You pull it from your bag to show him the cover, and he clicks his tongue appreciatively, “Good taste.” 

"I always have good taste in books.”

Poe hums in response, taking a step closer to you. Moments like these come easily, where the rest of the world just...fades away until it’s just the two of you. It drives your friends up a wall, but you couldn’t care less when Poe looks at you like you’re his whole world and his lips are quirked up in a little bit of a smirk as he banters back. “I don’t know about,” he says in a low tone, dragging his gaze from the cover back up to your face and you swear for just a moment he pauses on your lips, "you like horror novels.”

Your heart thundering against your ribcage for a much different reason now, you fight to keep your eyes in a safe zone. The way he’s looking at you makes every possible response you could normally think of fly right out of your mind, as your mouth goes dry. Finally, you take another step forward, challenging him with a smirk of your own, "That’s because I’m not afraid to read them like some people, Dameron.”

“I’m not afraid,” Poe protests automatically, the argument a familiar one, but neither of you are really focused on running through the motions of it right now.

The room seems to crackle with energy and potential around you, and part of you so desperately wants to take that leap, but the other half is terrified that if you do, then you’ll lose this magic, this friendship you’ve nurtured with Poe for the last five years. So you dip your head at the last second, folding first. 

Breaking out of his own trance, Poe takes a slight step back before he holds out his arm to you, “Ready?”

There’s that spike of nerves again, but you brave through it, nod once and loop your arm through his. “Let’s rock and roll,”  you hesitate just a moment as you think of the moment before and how easily the two of you still managed to fall into each other’s personal space again. Maybe you really don’t have anything to worry about. “Oh and Poe?”

“Yeah?” He asks as you step out into the hallway, cocking his head towards you.

“You look pretty wow too,” you tell him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his stubbled cheek. 

-

It goes well, for the most part. The others grabbed a booth in the corner of the bar, placing you away from the brunt of the noise and crowd. You knew this wasn’t a coincidence: Snap, Kare, Jess and Sura were always accommodating for your anxiety, and it wasn’t as though they didn’t have their own to contend with either. 

Poe leads you to the booth with a hand on the small of your back, a wide grin on his face as he nears his friends. You drink in the sight of his joy, as you do every time you meet up with them, in between reunion hugs with everyone. Then, the two of you settle into one side of the booth, you at the wall and Poe sliding in next to you, his arm winding around behind you on the back of the seat, as he always did, but you surprise him by keeping one hand on his thigh the entire time. 

The conversation comes easily between the six of you, laughter flooding through the corner as you knock back cheers for Suralinda’s accomplishments. By the time you’re halfway through your first (and only) drink, you’ve nearly forgotten about your apprehension. 

It comes back quickly before you hit the bottom of the glass when a new, far rowdier group enters the bar. They aren’t doing anything malicious, but their loud rumbles and hollers are too much combined with the rustle of silverware and clinking of glasses and the noise of the pool table and the radio blaring above, and the tv stationed by Maz’s bar.

You tense up as you try to tune out the rest of the noise to focus on your friends, but you can already feel your nerves beginning to fray, and you just want to run away to somewhere quiet, and that only frustrates you more because you want to be here, in this corner and -

“Hey,” Poe’s voice was but a concerned whisper to get your attention and it cuts through some of the haze in your mind. You turn to him, opening your mouth to...say what you have no idea, but recognition flashes behind his eyes. Poe has an incredible sense for when you’re getting overwhelmed. “If you want to leave, we can.” 

You want to protest, because you’ve barely spent any time here, but before you can, someone drops a glass from across the room and you jump at the sound. “Alright,” Poe says as he locks eyes with Jess, tilting his head toward the door and jerking his thumb in your direction as Snap, Kare and Suralinda continue their argument over a show they all watch. Jess nods in understanding, and then Poe’s standing up and offering you his hand.

You take it after a beat of hesitance, and then he guides you away from all the noise, back outside toward his car. He was one of two designated sober drivers of the night - Snap being the other one.

You slide into the passenger seat, Poe closing the door behind you, before coming around to sit in the driver’s seat. He twists around to face you. He wants to reach out for you, but he knows sometimes touch can make things worse when you’re overwhelmed. “Better?” he asks.

“Yeah, thank you. Sorry for messing up the evening.” You tilt your head back against the seat-rest, eyes closing with exhaustion. This is far from the first time you’ve all had to cut an evening short or take a breather from things, but still...you were hoping tonight would go by smoothly for the celebration.

“You didn’t mess anything up,” Poe assures you, giving you a pained look that you miss. He hates how you blame yourself for things that aren’t even your fault, how you seem to think taking care of you is some horrible burden he and the others have to deal with. He can’t even begin to count how many times you’ve taken care of him when he needed it, how in the last five years, you’ve come to understand and know him in ways that so few could, that you knew exactly what to do to calm and ground him. 

How many times had you held him after he woke up from a nightmare while you were staying at his apartment, or him at yours? How many mornings had he woken up feeling safe and loved, still in your arms in the morning light? He could only hope he made you feel the same way. “We’ve all had a great time already, we got to celebrate Suralinda’s big moment, and if you want, when you’re ready, we can go back in for more fun - and if you’re not up for that, then that’s okay, too.”

You exhale deeply, focusing on his words and the sincerity behind them. You know it’s true - really, you do. You know it’s not as big of a deal as your brain is trying to make it out to be, you know that your brain can lie to you, make shit up that simply isn’t true to make you feel alone, but sometimes it’s hard to rationalize through that, sometimes it’s hard to remember what’s true and what isn’t.

But Poe knows that.

You turn your head to face him; Poe’s half washed in golden light from an overhead streetlight, half cloaked in shadows, and the smile on his lips is rueful. You don’t know how you lucked out at having such an amazing best friend in your life, but you’re suddenly choked up with some soft, overpowering emotion as you realize - not for the first time - how much he means to you.

You duck your head. “Thank you, for always having my back.”

Poe reaches out for you, catching your wrist lightly and his touch burns in the most wonderful way as he grazes his palm down over yours, interlocking your fingers together. “Thank you for the same,” he tells you, before adding with a lopsided smile, “what are best friends for, right?”

You shake your head, a laugh bubbling from your lips before you can help it, and you echo his words in agreement, “What are best friends for?” 

-

You head back into Maz’s long enough to say goodbye to everyone and congratulate Sura again, and then you’re climbing back into Poe’s car. You kick off your shoes into the floorboard, tucking one leg under you as Poe offers to drive you around town to help clear your head.

Most nights when you’d go on drives like this, the car would be filled with songs from your favorite playlist and the sound of you and Poe singing along to them. However, tonight it’s filled with a gentle silence occasionally broken by Poe filling it with stories from work that week: he worked at Alderaan Books, a small mom and pop store that’d been a staple in the town for years. It was run by the gentle powerhouse of a woman, Leia Organa, who’d inherited it from her parents Bail and Breha. 

Alderaan Books was entirely the reason why you even had Poe in your life. When you moved into town five years before, you’d decided to familiarize yourself with the various shops and stuff. Eventually, a storm had caught you, and the bookshop was the nearest dry place within quick walking distance. You’d burst inside, shivering and soaked from head to toe, and then there was Poe: with black as midnight curls and twinkling eyes and a soft, friendly smile as he offered you a towel to dry off with.

You’d spent the rest of the afternoon in the shop, talking with him - because of the storm, you were pretty much the only customer there - getting to know him. By the time he was offering you a cup of coffee and a book recommendation, you knew Alderaan Books and Poe Dameron would become an important part of your life here in this town, and you hadn’t been wrong.

Eventually, he’s turning down the road that leads to his apartment and you feel the rest of the tension in your body deflate. You didn’t fancy the idea of going back to your own apartment, empty and quiet as it was, after tonight. Which Poe would’ve known because you’ve asked to stay with him after being overwhelmed for that exact reason before; still, something warm stirs in your chest as he does so instinctively. 

He does spare a glance at you, to double check if that’s alright, and you give him a grateful nod, reaching out to squeeze his hand. He twists his so that your palms are flush against each other, and he interlocks your fingers together.

(He wishes he could pull your hand up to his lips, press a kiss to your knuckles, and maybe in another life, he could. But in this one, he doesn’t).

You’re both practically leaning against each other as you walk up the stairs to his apartment, your shoes in your hand, as Poe tells you about a book he’d found in their stock that he thought sounded up your alley. This was, in a way, a love language for the two of you: sharing music and books were as much a staple in your relationship as your banter and lack of personal space.

As you reach his door, Poe’s still describing the plot as detailed on the back cover as he unlocks it to let you in. You smile gratefully at him as he holds it open for you, letting you in first. Immediately, you look around the living room to see if you can spy Poe’s beloved cat, Beebee, but he doesn’t seem to be in the room - probably curled up on one of Poe’s bookshelves in his bedroom, since that was one of Beebee’s favorite haunts.

You collapse onto Poe’s couch as he heads to the kitchen to start boiling some water in the electric kettle. You sit your ankle boots neatly between the space between the couch and the little table beside it, and then crash back against the soft pillows. 

“Why is your couch so comfortable?” You call to the kitchen. Poe leans out from the window frame that bridges the kitchen to the living room, his curls falling haphazardly over his brow at the sudden movement.

“Because I have excellent taste,” he reminds you, before he pulls his body back into the kitchen. The ridiculousness of the man that is your best friend makes you laugh, and you slowly haul yourself from the comfort of the cushions to pad to the kitchen. You’re still a little worn out from the evening, but there’s a quiet thrum of energy in you now that you’re somewhere that feels safe and cozy.

He’s pouring water into two different mugs for you both, tea tags hanging loosely at their sides. Your heart warms as you realize he’s pulled out your favorite mug - a dull orange one that you always used for tea, because you’d unconsciously adapted a system at his house and had a different mug for coffee and tea - from the cabinet. When Poe turns around, there’s a gentle smile on his face as he motions at the mugs. “They’ll be done in about four minutes,” he announced unnecessarily, because you knew how long it took for his favorite brand of tea to steep. 

Wordlessly, you pull your phone from your dress’ pocket, and pull up your music player. You press the shuffle button and sit the phone down on the counter, letting the room fill with soft tunes as you wait for your tea, leaning against the counter and letting your head roll back and forth.

Poe’s hand skims down your arm, leaves goosebumps in his wake, “You feeling better?”

“Yeah, I am. Just kind of restless now, you know?” 

“Well,” Poe drawls out, his eyes flicking over to your phone and back at you, a mischievous smile lighting up his handsome features, “we’ve got some time...and you so helpfully gave us a soundtrack,” he presses his hand over his heart and gives you a small bow, flourishing that same hand out to you in offering, “would you allow me this dance, sweetheart?”

Your cheeks warm, a smile rising to your own face and you accept his hand. “I’d like that a lot.” 

He tugs you closer to him, linking both your hands together, and you both begin to dance around the kitchen - clumsy, dorky movements that follow the beat of an Abba song, laughing each time one of you bump into each other or step on each other’s feet. Eventually, you collide against each other, still swaying and bouncing to the music, and you rest your head against Poe’s shoulder.

As the first song fades out, your shuffle immediately begins the next — which just so happens to be “Can’t Help Falling In Love”. Poe shifts into a slower dance and you follow his lead. He presses his nose against the side of your head, and you can feel his breath against your earlobe as he begins to murmur the lyrics of the song.

Like earlier in your apartment, the air between you grows weighted. This isn’t just him singing along to a song, the way he’s reciting the lyrics feels like a confession: a gentle one, one that you could easily ignore if you wanted to - and a thrill of anticipation thrums under your skin as you realize you don’t want to ignore it. You’re not sure you’ve ever known someone so beautiful before: not just in appearance, but in soul. He practically radiates light and love, a constant source of warmth and sunshine in your life that you’ve come to rely on. You can’t imagine life without him: he’s who you picture beside you whenever you think of the future: late night car rides with him, bickering together in the kitchen, cuddling on the couch reading together. He’s your best friend, he’s -

You swallow hard. He’s more than that. You want him, more than anything, and it’s suddenly imperative that he knows that.

“Our tea should be done,” Poe says when the song comes to a close, pulling back to search your eyes for your reaction. 

“They were done by the time Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! ended, Poe.” 

“So they’re really strong cups of tea now,” Poe offers with a lopsided smile. His hands have found a home on your waist, and their warmth seeps through the fabric of your dress. When you still don’t move out of his arms, but rather shift closer to him, placing your hand on his cheek, his breath hitches just slightly before he says your name.

“Yeah?”

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he’s internally debating something. Finally, he whispers, “You’re beautiful.”

“So are you,” you reply as you run your thumb along his cheekbone. You lean up on your tiptoes, searching his gaze for any signs of hesitance at your closeness, then you finally ask what you’ve wanted to for a fucking long time: “Can I kiss you?”

“Please,” Poe replies but he doesn’t move any closer to you, instead just asks, “You sure about this?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” you tell him lowly and the heated look he gives you in return, paired with a dazzling smile you want to remember for as long as you live, is enough to give you the courage you need to crash your lips against his.

He gathers you up in his arms to draw you closer, a warm expansive hand sliding up your spine,to cradle the back of your neck as his other hand grips your hip, fingers bunching around the fabric of your dress. You move your hand from his cheek up into his curls, dragging your fingers through them experimentally, dragging a hum from low in his throat that you want to pull from him again.

You move forward, intending to nudge him back against the kitchen counter, but Poe has other plans, and at the last second, he spins you around so that the counter presses against your back as he presses flush against you. He pulls away from your mouth to pepper kisses everywhere he can reach: your brow, the tip of your nose, your eyelids, your jawline, and finally, your neck, where he stops and stays, burying his face in the crook of it as you hold him against you as you try to catch your breath.

Eventually, with one last brush of his lips against your skin, he straightens and fixes you with a bashful expression. You loop your arms around his neck, smiling up at him, feeling warm and happy. “Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He leans down again, and when your lips meet a second time, you can feel his smile pressed against your own, as he murmurs, “I love you too.”