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#didnt think it would matter since the joke didnt need the context
nilufleur · 2 years
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BEING HARUCHIYO'S CLOSE FRIEND / 29. 10. 2022
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sanzu haruchiyo, one of the most irritating, stubborn and difficult people one can meet. though he most of the time is an insufferable person theres people he enjoys being around with and people who enjoy his (overwhelming) presence aswell
at first it is easy to assume that he is not a trustworthy person, but haruchiyo is very devoted to people he cares about. hes basically a 'ride or die' for the people he loves
the things that draw him close to people are little characteristics that are often overlooked. he creates an image of someone's personality by just having small conversations here and there
the people he is close to are usually the people he has been friends with since a long time, childhood friends to be more precise. he is not afraid of meeting new people, he likes changes he likes seeing new faces but as i said, letting them get close to him is a different matter
so getting to the point, what drew haru close to you was your persona. honest, laid back and humourous. he has a strange sense of humor, he squeezes his sharp jokes in his sentences that often go unnoticed. he was slightly impressed when you laughed at them, since he thinks that 'only smart people get his jokes' (yes, he is an egomaniac)
after that he started to always say hi to you whenever he saw you. sometimes it was loud and audible and sometimes it was just a little smile while passing next to you, but he would always acknowledge your presence
haruchiyo has a creative mind and you got convinced of that more day by day when he would randomly show up and ask you the strangest question with no context, nod after hearing your reply and just go away
this little habit still continued after you two became very close friends. it was hard to understand him sometimes but it was also very fun to you to be in his chaotic presence
as a filmbro myself i am sensing that haru would definitely enjoy watching films. he would also invite you to movie marathons at the most absurd time something like
"theres 3 al pacino movies in a row at the cinema can we go?"
"haru its the final exams week and its currently 2am shut the fuck up and keep studying"
yes studying with him is a pain in the ass
he would always be the one to invite you to study at a cafe but end up getting nauseous from all the milkshakes he had just because 'he got tired from all the studying (he didnt study) and needed a treat' and throw up in the public restroom
he is lactose intolerant but acts like he isn't
it's hard being friends with him cause he is generally a very spontaneous person
but you got used to it so it doesn't surprise you anymore when he does stupid shit like showing up at your apartment drunk with a board game in his hands in the middle of the night
he loves board games but he sucks like he is so bad its actually painful to watch him play
haruchiyo would definitely force his best friend to get a matching tattoo with him. at least hes got good taste so the tattoos turn out pretty cool
and he would also pretend to be surprised whenever he saw your tattoo saying shit like "stfuuu omg we have the same tattoo!!♡" punk ass bitch
constantly gossiping and its honestly so fun to do it with him cause he always has to most out of pocket information about people
would definitely introduce you to his close friends circle and after meeting them he would ask you about what you thought of each one of them
hes actually annoying and has no clue about what privacy but we can ignore that cause he always bring you something to eat when he gets in your apartment without permission
would he be a jealous friend? possible. but i dont think he would be overly jealous or protective. only gets a little annoyed when you talk about "you guys' stuff" with someone else and act all hurt and dramatic so you would eventually apologise
he has a very good sense of style and would buy you random clothing piece so you could match with him. yes. he loves matching outfits it's his guilty pleasure
i can imagine this mf saying the most philosophical gut wrenching intelligent thing humanity has ever heard and and then just say "anyways i gottta pee"🗿
sleepovers but he always sleep in your bed and takes up all the space
he once threw out one of your sweaters bcs he didn't like it
"sanzu my dead grandma made that for me"
"but it looked ugly 😐"
cooking a recipe with him at 3am but you guys got distracted and ended up causing a mini-fire
he has all of the CDs of the cars movies and always say "he just like me fr" when lighting mqueen does that kachow thing
overall he would be a good friend i think. funny and spontaneous not very reliable but always trustworthy
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this was disguised sanzu slander if you coudnt tell
© nilufleur
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kamari3 · 10 months
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i have a question regarding the post about how to engage online, i think what OP is trying to say is no matter what your personal method is of showing affection, treating a stranger on the internet with the same assumptive casual nature as you would a friend is not good or a healthy mind state to have. Like if you were invited to a get-together and you walked up to someone you didnt know and said "hey ya dickhead, looking fresh today!". You'd NEVER do that irl so why would u online?
Oh, oh I have an answer for this one!
Okay so, full disclosure: I'm autistic so I absolutely have this thing about over analyzing social interactions! I also have this thing where I filter every single experience solely through my own worldview/lense before I can even attempt to apply data from other people's experiences, so it is very limiting and personal. what i say is in reference to me, and whether that applies to anyone else is up in the air.
SO!! TOPIC AT HAND:
In IRL interactions, I normally have to sort people into two sort-of-broad umbrella groups: the in-group that I, in general, do not have to mask around (you know what masking is right?), and the out-group that I do have to mask around.
In a broad sense, the in-group is close family and close friends, and the out-group is literally everyone else.
The only way to go from being in the out-group to the in-group is to be exposed to my non-mask persona and to respond favorably, usually repeatedly with longer and longer exposure.
My 'masks' are necessary tools for interacting in polite society. They are used to help choose correct vocabulary (filter vulgaries, off color jokes, and hyperfixation tangents which are inappropriate for whatever i'm doing- i shouldnt be getting into a debate about Zelda Lore with the cashier at subway just because they say they like my zelda shirt no matter how much i may want to), keep body language somewhat neutral and appropriate (minimize stimming gestures which could accidentally hit someone or break something), and help keep myself on task.
When I am not wearing my mask, or wearing less intense ones, I do not do these things, or do them with a much lower rate of success.
It is expected and appropriate to maintain my Polite Society Masks when out in society to minimize inconveniencing the other people in my community.
However, it is Literally Impossible to forge a connection with anyone, ever, while wearing these masks. They arent real. They are Acting that is Necessary and largely do not reflect my actual personality and disposition.
To make a friendship, one needs to show sincerity and vulnerability, to offer up yourself in a show of (usually platonic) intimacy that can be accepted, and hopefully reciprocated.
Offline, there is this confusing, intricate social etiquette dance that I really don't understand that cues us into when and where it is okay for me to do this, to take off this mask and attempt the Friendship Test.
Online, there really isnt any such thing, or at least not one I have noticed. The rules I have managed to figure out (assuming i'm right, i may not be) are about the context of the website you are having the interaction on. Professional places like Facebook, LinkedIn, delivery service apps, and business emails are all examples of online places where the Mask is necessary.
I have always considered Tumblr to, by and large, be a place where the Mask can come Off.
However, exceptions that prove the rule and all that: certain individual Blogs/Users can differentiate themselves as being set aside to be Mask Only interaction: like Neil Gaimen, for example, and now the OP of that post. Boundaries are established and now, so long as I remember their username, I will know to put the mask on around them in order to be polite at all times.
This, by the very nature of my situation, excludes all possibility of actual friendship between us, since it cuts away the chance for intimacy and vulnerability.
And that is OK! There is nothing wrong with not being friends! \o/ We can be polite and share the same space! And I agreed with that sentiment greatly!
I am, vaguely, aware that other people do not necessarily function this way. There is a great possibility that OP from that post has some other avenues or rituals for making friends online, which other people can pick up on and utilize. And thats great too! But I cant do that. Until such a time as I am personally given a little metaphorical permission slip to be as unhinged as I feel like being around OP, I have to accept and respect the distinct possibility that there is never going to be a Friendship between us. Which I do! Because I'm (trying) not (to be) an entitled prick, and I think that everyone should be able to establish their own boundaries and have those be respected, even if it conflicts with my own and necessitates distance.
Anyway I hope you enjoy my essay that sits as an example for how hilariously bad I am at actually talking to people. :3
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trash-iest · 1 year
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1,4,12,15,23,35,38,40,4650,55,60,75,78,83,86. You don't have to answer these. It's alot I know and I'm sorry. Just.. curious 😅
1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?
Passion & purpose (im sorry it's impossible to choose one)
4. Who's the most important person in your life right now? Why?
Myself because i need to consistently work towards my 5 year goal. Its the bare minimum but feels a lot so im hoping ill adjust and become a better version of myself if not the best.
12. What's your most controversial opinion? Would you state it publicly? What's the most controversial opinion that you would publicly support, if it's different?
The moon is made of cheese and pluto is a planet. Oh i would shamelessly state that publicly and stick out my tongue if the other person tries to educate me on the matter (im sorry if you were looking for serious answers, we dont do that over texting)
15. Is there a song, book, movie, or other piece of media that has drastically altered your life? What was it, are there multiple?
This is stupid (but youre allowed to laugh at how basic i am) Book: 13 reasons why. So just a bit of context: Up until grade 7 i was an extremely insensitive kid like id mindlessly laugh at people in school, made fun of their insecurities and was completely clueless about feelings/emotions. It was just considered banter since i was the class clown but the way id gang up with my group and tease other kids was wrong, yet no one corrected this behaviour (tbf i didnt grow up with cousins and they rarely ever visited so there was no sense of realisation) Now end of grade 7 i came across this book and I casually started reading it like any other book and lets just say i didnt expect the traumatising details. It was nothing like the stuff i used to read and it ended up giving me the biggest reality check. I started analysing my behaviour and realised how i might be an actual bully and i couldnt fathom the thought of someone resorting to self harm or suicide because of my silly jokes so i stopped and apologised to those few people. Lets just say this book was the first step towards developing eq and becoming a better person.
23. What would you never admit to in real life?
A LOT of things. I cant really think of anything atm but i mostly just stay quiet when people say questionable shit because i dont have the energy to explain my pov and idc about their opinion lol.
35. What's wrong with you? Physically, mentally, whatever comes to mind. What's right about you? What are your best and worst traits?
Physically— i have a HUGE nose, kinda short, dont have grey/hazel eyes, i wear specs (doesnt look cute), my nails chip every time i grow them out and theyre not a natural pretty shape. Also, i dont feel pretty like an actual girl; im not elegant or any of that and neither am i a hot tomboy. Im just eh. (Edit: i just remembered the dark circles and i look dead without lipstick/lip taint lol)
Mentally— anxious sometimes but thankfully no more anxiety attacks. I feel like my major trust and commitment issues come under personality disorders but ill just list them here. My therapist said im stubborn and very rigid (and I believe him over anyone else) and quite frankly i feel incapable of forming a real human connection. To sum up my worst traits: Im mostly horrible at reciprocation, im always emotionally unavailable, im selfish, hella lazy, careless, stupid. Im definitely forgetting something so whenever I remember it ill add it here lol. My best traits: im very understanding when it comes to the other person needing their space. Im a good listener because i rarely have good advice or solutions lol. Im calm and rarely ever lose my temper which doesnt really last long. I believe in communication instead of letting misunderstandings grow until they explode (im guessing thats good because it has strengthened my friendships)
38. Who do you miss, if anyone?
My 15 year old self. She was so happy, loved the way she looked and was so mentally stable (i might be considered a narcissist at this point)
40. Would you sacrifice your life for a stranger? An acquaintance? A loved one?
I WILL SACRIFICE MY OWN LIFE FOR PAKISTAN (its hard for me to be consistently serious, bear with it pls)
46. Do you have a "right person, wrong time"?
Yeah feels like it
50. What qualities do you find charming?
Whatever prince charming brings to the table (its so hard to be serious about this im sorry it reminds me of middle school)
55. What reminds you of your childhood?
Certain songs, snacks and a few places.
60. What are you afraid of? What are your worst fears? Are you afraid of any of the following - the dark, fire, heights, being alone, people, spiders, snakes, blood, drowning, or death?
Betrayal/abandonment from someone i truly love, getting attached to the wrong person, staying unemployed after graduation, childbirth and raising my own kids, emotionally depending on someone and lizards 💀 Of the following: people, only the big spiders like tarantulas etc, snakes, drowning only because i dont know how to swim and its a very painful death from what ive heard so no thank you.
75. What is your favourite fairytale?
Definitely hansel and gretel because of that edible cottage (still such a dream) but I recently read the story of the youth who went forth to learn what fear was (grimm's fairytales) and its my favourite one as an adult now.
78. Have you ever written a poem or song about someone? Or had someone write one about you? Do you hope to have either of those experiences in the future?
Nope i havent. My best friend has written poetry for me, about 3 times. It was super cute but it constantly made me feel indebted because ive never made a grand gesture like that and what she wrote was proper poetry and she appreciates me so much. Ive only ever written her letters with my ugly handwriting yet she treasures them. Hypothetically if i do find someone in the future like that idk how id react but ill definitely be thinking about ways to reciprocate.
83. What's your type? Otherwise, do you think you attract a certain sort of person?
An aromantic asexual or at least someone whose love language isnt physical touch and theyre naturally not a cheezy person but i feel like im asking for a lot here since most people associate romance with their partners and what i say is considered abnormal or bs so lets not go there. Ill need to be attractive to attract a certain type of people or anyone for that matter lol.
86. What could you talk about for hours?
Honestly my chattiness depends on my mood or the type of day im having instead of a particular topic.
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annetteblog · 3 years
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Intro & My take on KM
Hi!
I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.
Who /the hell/ Am I?  
(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)
I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.
How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter
Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 
Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 
Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 
Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:
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Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/
I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 
I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)
After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.
Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.
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                                       /as I said - the beauty/
I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how
As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.
So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)
But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 
This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 
Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   
So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.
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                                                    Pure Art
However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy
Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 
P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha
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bigskydreaming · 4 years
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I’m literally in love with the way you write Dick and Jason’s dynamic
Thanks, glad to hear that! Personal preferences aside, I honestly do think it just opens up SO many more potential stories if you go with the idea that they did have a brotherly relationship before Jason died, just they didnt get together around Bruce because Dick was still hoping Bruce would make the first move in reaching out to him. Rather than just stick with the usual assumption that because it wasn’t seen on the page, they had barely any interactions and both resented each other for various reasons.
But those reasons all trace back to Bruce, and if you look at them as two people who are united by the common experience of being fish out of water, adapting to the same environment after coming from DRAMATICALLY different origins, able to connect over that and understand each other in a way nobody else really can because nobody else has ever really had to straddle two worlds as definitively as Dick and Jason had to in their formative years....
Like, the big sticking point for me in the Dick vs Jason: The Grudge theory was just that....at the end of the day, these are two boys who grew up with very few loved ones to start with, or having had to deal with the loss of those loved ones.....
But one way or another......are these two specific characters really ones that make sense as wanting to reject the possibility of more family?
They’re connected through Bruce, like it or not, that was never going to change even from before they ever met......and the idea that Dick Grayson and Jason Todd would each be content to waste literal YEARS never even TRYING to connect with the person who was probably most like him and who by all accounts was already his brother in most ways just by way of Bruce...not even to see if maybe they COULD actually be brothers? To have family beyond just Bruce and Alfred? 
Me @ every fic or headcanon that says Dick had Only Child Syndrome and resented Jason because of that: right because Dick Grayson of all people is anti-family. He’s full up with that one guy whose legal guardianship of him has been expired for a couple years and who he hasn’t spoken to since long before then.....nah, why would he want any more or any other family beyond that?
I mean, I absolutely believe that Dick was upset and hurt that Bruce adopted Jason while he’d never even offered to adopt Dick......but Dick has never been one to pass around blame instead of focusing it on its true point of origin. That’s his and Bruce’s issue. And honestly, there are TONS of reasons for Dick to be upset about that, without making it about Jason at all. 
There’s literally no reason for Dick to take it out on Jason ever, if his biggest issue or grievance is that like....it feels like Bruce was just so done with Dick and considered him so out of his life, something like “just added a new kid to the family” didn’t seem like relevant information he should pass on to Dick despite the tenseness between them. When you have to find out from the NEWS that your old family unit just full on up and adopted this kid you’ve never heard of before now without even so much as a phone call.....there’s plenty of cause to feel like this is a message that you’re not really considered part of that family unit anymore, so why would you need to know?
Or like, the fact that Bruce didn’t consider hey I’m thinking of adding another kid to my family that consists of me and the kid I’m so afraid to tell I think of him as a son in case he doesn’t feel the same way, that I’ve sat back and let things get this bad between us and fester.....hey maybe before I issue adoption papers for a second kid, I should think about putting in an equivalent effort at fixing things with my first kid first?
Or why not write Bruce thinking: “Hey if I can’t even fix things with the kid I raised for almost a decade and think of as my own no matter how long its been since I talked to him.....what on Earth makes me think I’m qualified to take on a SECOND child?”
Like....Bruce was the one who held all the power and all the options, Dick had no other option but to go along with whatever Bruce decided Bruce was going to do, and neither did Jason really.....so there’s no real reason in my head that should be a point of contention between them or a reason to resent each other instead of just stressing to them the importance of having significant family ties beyond just Bruce because history clearly showed even at that point that best intentions aside, the man is fallible.
If anything, that should have been common ground!
I think there was like, an initial negative reaction of maybe one night, the first time they met and Dick even though he was prepared for it still had to adjust to the reality of actually seeing this stranger he was irrevocably connected to now by both his names, even if neither was technically his anymore....like to actually SEE him standing there in his old role....that’s gonna hit anybody hard.
But he also would have clearly been able to see that whatever else he may have been, this twelve year old Robin was still a kid, and one who hadn’t had a lot of time to ever be a kid in the first place.....which again, instant camaraderie, because boy could Dick relate.....remember, Dick may have had a happy childhood with his parents before they were murdered but it was also a childhood where he WORKED. He loves being an acrobat, he loved being in the show, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t WORK, that his childhood didn’t consist of training as long and as regularly as any adult acrobat while everyone else his age was running around playing outside and making friends. And after Bruce took Dick in, most of Dick’s free time was spent being Robin, training as Robin, etc?
Which IMO would have made him take one look at this kid in his old costume, literally standing where he had once stood, stepping into his old shoes.....and I think Dick’s real honest reaction once he brushed aside any kneejerk feeling of pain or bitterness the way he brushes aside all the physical pain he feels when out as Nightwing but refuses to let get in the way of him doing what he has to, doing what’s right....
Nah, Dick would have taken one look at this tiny kid full of fire and bravado but also so clearly eager to please, to be praised, to be told he was doing a good job and even without that he was worth something, his life had value, the world was better just because he existed......
And I think Dick’s bitterness about the situation would have crystallized into him resentfully thinking well B’s not exactly the best about dishing out affection or praise so I’m gonna make sure this little Mini-Me standing there in my old colors looking just as young and small as I must have looked then even if I didn’t realize it at the time....I’m gonna make sure I keep him supplied with a steady diet of “Nice Words and Gestures That Kids Should Grow Up Receiving Regularly.”
Dick has always been a firm believer that the best way to make sure something gets done is to do it yourself.
So yeah, I honestly do think that back during those days, Dick and Jason were thick as thieves when their schedules allowed for it, with it being simultaneously painful and unspoken that they had to like....work around Bruce’s presence so Dick could avoid him, but somewhat softened by the challenge and thrill of two brothers scheming to pull one over on the Big Bad Batdad every time the older brother wanted to take the little brother to go somewhere or do something, like, even just to spoil him rotten.
Cuz really....isn’t that a lot more interesting than ‘oh they barely ever even met back then and it wasn’t great, that’s it, the end’? There’s so much you could do with even just that, from them sneaking Jason out for a fun adventure that’s layered with just a hint of poignant angst because of the unspoken why of him needing to sneak out instead of them just saying hey Bruce, we need some bro time, Jason’s hanging with me this weekend? Or you dial up the angst and layer it with lightness or literally anything between those two points on a spectrum.
There’s so much Secret History potential buried back in those years....adventures they had together and never told anyone about, secrets shared between brothers they never shared elsewhere.....maybe Dick opening up to Jason more than he usually likes to, but here felt it might be the only way to get Jason to do the same, with Dick thus offering up some painful tidbit from his past that he never told even Bruce or Alfred for some reason, if he thinks Jason’s upset about something and needs to vent but will just keep insisting he’s fine unless Dick leads by example and goes first.
There’s so much potential for in-jokes that only the two of them know and everyone else is ENDLESSLY curious about, because everyone always forgets that those two have so much history because it was literally kept out of sight, out of mind, so they could keep it free of the friction that was bound to come of adding Bruce to the mix before their father cleared the air with his eldest first.
So its an easy thing to forget about or overlook, especially since it rarely comes up....but everytime it does rear its head via some private joke only they know or a reference to some event back then that everyone else is kept boxed out of having any context for....that’s the kind of stuff that would drive a family of detectives craszy, because they want to know! What’s the joke??
And yet its likely they’d never ask, because as curious as they are to hear about the mysterious missing years of the first two Wayne children, back when there was literally nobody else present to ask for details.....they never can figure out HOW to ask those questions, not when they’re equally aware of the swiftly hidden expressions of pain or bitterness that flash across the two eldests’ faces after each unearthing of some long-buried treasure they shared between them. Unable to ever escape the fact that each of those treasured moments would forever be followed with an inevitable reminder of why there were so few of those moments, in the end. 
Why those years ended far earlier than they should have, and why their reunion upon Jason’s return was hindered and complicated by Dick’s obligation to other siblings Jason hurt while dealing with Pit after-effects and the lack of a strong support system while swayed to League sympathies...
And of course, ultimately there’s the reality that after the Adventures of Young Dick and Tiny Jason were cancelled far ahead of schedule, and that several year long intermission....by the time everything else was gotten out of the way, the stars of those earlier adventures were as long gone as the adventures themselves. Dick and Jason were both entirely different people by now.....still containing within each of them enough of who they were back then that those memories are kept carefully protected and hidden away, all the more valuable for how few and sparse they are, and how rarely they’re brought out to look at and enjoy.....
But with those vaults buried deeply enough within who Dick and Jason both are these days, that there’s a lot of blood and loss and pain you have to cut through just to reach that vault. There’s no retrieving anything from it without a cost. A cost worth paying, given that they can’t help themselves from calling back to it every now and then, even though they know the inevitable result is going to be end negative and not end positive. But still high enough to give them pause before actually doing so....holding back sometimes so the toll is doled out sparingly and over time. Getting greedy and trying to bring out/back/up too much too fast is far more daunting than either can afford to pay at the moment.
So that’s how I like to view the two of them and their dynamic back during and because of those early years before Jason’s death. Bittersweet and shaded by nostalgia.....temptation and warning both, in how much they want to revisit it but how much they fear ruining what they’ve managed to cobble together now by bringing the past too much into the light, comparing past and present too clearly and risking that being reminded too strongly of the brothers they were back then, will just make it impossible to ever be content with anything but that bond replicated in full and they’re not sure it can be, are both too afraid too much has happened since then and trying too hard, putting too much pressure on the dynamic they’ve built now could risk shattering the relative fragile bond completely.
Pretty much everything I write with the two of them, unless I specifically state otherwise via context, is generally written through that lens, with me viewing that as the backstory for their dynamic that I’m running with.
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seerofmike · 4 years
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i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit
YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!
being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why
obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.
im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways
enter the kpop fandom
i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt
so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]
of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?
SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)
EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"
sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing
[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.
which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]
so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan
yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.
god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.
ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!
PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.
everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.
anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.
you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.
the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.
people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.
and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.
[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]
and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.
oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is
tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm
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Chapter 4
Part one here:
_____________________________________
Morgana was 16 now. Itd been a year since her father Uther announced she would be of marrying age. At the very least of age to be promised to someone, and it was easy to say that Morgana was not pleased at all. Arthur had tried to sway their father, as gently as he could without angering him, but Uther wasnt having it. The old man was already confined to his room, sick beyond repair, and he 'had to make sure his children were taken care of.' It didnt matter how. It didnt matter if Arthur would be miserable as a young king, or Morgana miserable as a house wife; as long as they were taken care of. And that's when Morganas teen rebellion really kicked in. Everyone knew about it, Morgana would sneak out late, making it incredibly easy for anyone to find her going to see her latest 'crush' of the week. She didnt mind the gossip-- she even welcomed it. The one suitor who had been at the castle when he heard about her 'cheating' - which, for the record, the prince had only asked Uther to court her; never morgana herself- was absolutely mortified. And Morgana couldnt have been prouder. Gwen and Arthur were... reasonably a bit embarrassed, but they had about as much of a chance of stopping her as Uther did. And if Gwen was really being honest, she found it hilarious. All Morgana had to do was ask for a kiss from a fair lady and the busybodies in the castle would get to work.... unfortunately the more it happened the more Gwen and Arthur were less amused. Gueinivier couldnt quite put her finger on it but it made her stomach turn whenever she saw Morgana kissing some other lady... Arthur was more annoyed in general, in a brotherly way.
But today seemed different. A lot more relaxed... no one was giving her letters from princes' or kings, and no need to ask for more favors from the ladies in the town or working in the castle. The perfect day to get up to something with Morganas favorite people in the world... Gwen and Arthur. ... well, Gwen was definitely a favorite, arthur really got on her nerves a lot, but he was still her brother. So that's what brings us to the now. Gwen and Morgana walking through the forest in comfortable silence... Arthur had unfortunately been roped into another meeting with the king and the round table, so the two thought to make it a girls day. As they walked, Gwen couldnt help but let her mind wander, glancing over to Morgana... it was true, the Pendragon siblings were both very good looking. Anyone anywhere would love to be their king or queen... but gwen loved them beyond their looks. Morgana was mischievous, mysterious and bold. Arthur was strong, dependable and kind... the two put her head in a tizzy. But with Morganas.... escapades lately... she couldnt help but give the witch the cold shoulder. The secrets and kisses from other girls were funny and cute at first but now they had gotten a bit more frequent... a little more bold. And unfortunately, Gwen was far too good at hiding her true intentions because Morgana hadn't even noticed anything was wrong. Sure she had acted a little off at times but, times were strange now... with her fathers declining health and tensions on making sure Arthur was ready to be king...
... and then Gwen nearly jumped out of her skin. Her thoughts were so abruptly interrupted by a sudden presence that she let out a squeak in suprise. the suprise guest in question laughed at her reaction, along with Morgana.
Mab had been watching the two for a few minutes, waiting for a good moment to suprise them and drop from her place in the trees. "Hello you two." Mab put her arms around the girls. Admittedly it had taken her a while to accept Gwen even as an acquaintance. But what really sealed the deal for Mab was Gwen's pure, genuine fascination. Whenever she looked at magic and its byproducts her expression held nothing but amazement, wonder and fondness. And if anything, Mab wanted to keep amazing her, just to see that look on her face. It never failed to make her laugh. "I'm suprised you're both out today..." the princess trailed off, and Morgana groaned. "Its been absolute hell back at the castle." She rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders for emphasis, to which Gwen chuckled and shook her head. "They... that is, Arthur and Morgana... have had their hands full to say the least." Gwen further explained to Mab, who got a thoughtful look on her face before replying. "Sounds like you've come to the right place to decompress then." She winked at the girls before wordlessly leading the way further into the woods...
"Ahhhh...." Morgana sighed in relief as she sunk down in the fairy made hot spring. She didnt realize how much tension she was holding in her neck and shoulders until now, but the hot water was absolutely amazing on her muscles. All that running away from terrible princes, knights and responsibilities does a number on ones self she supposed... "Are you two done yet?? The waters going to get cold." Morgana called through the thick veil of greenery to Mab and Gwen, who were currently whisper fighting with eachother. Since neither girl was exactly ready for a suprise swim, Mab had let them borrow some of the stollen goods she... acquired as offerings in her woods. People who dont want to be kidnapped, killed, cursed or worse always left her a little something at the threshold of her home. And the few cloaks she'd acquired she allowed Morgana and Gwen to use... they were her least favorite anyway. But honestly, Mab didn't see *why* you needed to cover up around others while you swam, showered, bathed, etc. It was a completely foreign concept to her, but she got a kick out of the red faces from Morgana and Gwen she just told them both to hop in. "I cant just go in! What if its... not secure enough." Gwen gestured to the 'swim-suit' Mab fashioned for her. "Well, then itll fall off. What do you *think* would happen?" Mab hissed back at her sarcastically. "You'll be fine. Its not like she'd bite you.... well..." Mab had to reconsider that. Gwen shoved her arm and the faerie princess grinned. "Follow my lead." She said confidently, Gwen watching as Mab strutted out. She had her usual attire on. Not uncommon, since it looked like the plants that made up her base clothing were just a part of her; but the few nice touches of clothing or signs of humanization were gone.
She stopped at the far end of the spring before jumping in and swimming over to Morgana with ease. "Come on Gwen." Mab said impatiently, and Morgana shouted after her. "Sooner you get here the sooner we can play water games!"
Gwen took a deep breath. Be brave. Just like them. She rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes, calming herself down before opening them again, now with new determination. Her nerves wouldnt get in the way of this rare day off. So, she took off running... and dove into the water. She could hear Mab and Morgana clapping and laughing above, swimming over to them now as she breached the surface. "That was amazing!" Morgana said with a big grin. "One things for sure we've got to do that together-- just... neyoooommm... " she put her fist in the water suddenly, making a splash. "See how big a splash we can make..."
"Well. One things for sure, the fun is only just beginning." Mab gave them a mischievous smile.
The fun was officially in full swing. Mab had invited a few fresh water sirens to come play a guessing game with them, and it only escalated from there.
Some of the river nymphs were playing as a referee for the games going on; some of the kelpies at the bottom of the hot-water would sing while a few of the fae would try and guess what they were singing. Some of the sirens were playing a competitive diving game with their treasures; bits of bone, a pearl or two. Whoever got to it first kept it. Which, without supervision quickly devolved into a bloody fight. A few of the not-so-water-resistant creatures were having loads of fun just on the shore, making flower crowns for any winners and not so subtly trying to help the contestants who they thought were the cutest. Morgana had joined Gwen in the kelpy game, since the creatures had a tendency to drag any losers down underwater and drown them... but Gwen was doing suprisingly well. Morgana was only a little bit jealous. Mab had split from the girls briefly to compete with the sirens, winning a few games and rejoining her friends once she had enough trophies of victory. They came to sit with eachother at the edge, all three of them smiling to themselves and basking in the fun. "So. How's your day off been?" Mab asked them with a grin. "Well considering Gwen's won more games than I... I'd say not so well." Morgana joked, making Gwen laugh. "Well, I can give you some pointers next time." She winked and nudged Morgana with her elbow; making Morgana blush just a little. "Well. Either way you both look just about ready to join the sirens with the way you're pruning up there. Let's get you two dry." Mab hopped out of the 'pool' and shook herself dry a bit. "Okay *mom* " Morgana teased as Gwen and her followed. "No you pronounced it wrong. Its MAB." Mab corrected her. Morgana wasnt super sure if she was being serious or not, but it didnt matter. Mab lead them to a closed off area where she stashed the twos clothing. "Once you're dressed we can do some land-games." Mab winked at them, squeezing out her hair. Gwen and Morgana went over and grabbed their clothes as Mab got some cloth to help dry them. The fae girl allowed them both a screen of ivy and vines to get dressed in a bit of privacy...
Today was... something else. Gwen couldnt remember the last time shes had this much fun. The amazing wonders around her filled her head with dreams and her heart with hope and longing for adventure... discovering more and finding things no ones ever seen before... but only if it was with her friends. As cliche as it was... she wanted Morgana... Arthur, even Mab there with her. Wherever the road took her. They completed her in a way she could never have imagined. She wanted to be there for them. Just as they would for her... Gwen had many friends as a child. But when her family moved to Camelot, all of it was ripped away from her. She wondered sometimes... if they thought of her. But the Pendragons and this magical world... took the heartache away.... but... recently? With Morgana..? The heartache returned... no it wasnt the same as before. No force on earth could take Morgana away from her. No, the heartache wasnt one of sadness... it was longing. So similar but so different. The heartache that belonged to Morgana was one that was bitter-sweet. Whenever she looked at her it was the feeling of coming home to a warm fire and sweet fruit.
So then... why did the thought of being with Morgana... hurt at the same time?
..she knew the answer. Arthur. She loved arthur just as she loved Morgana. And yet... not. They were so different but she loved them all the same. The kind of love she'd want to come home to and kiss before bed every night.... Arthur and Morgana... were her love.
Meanwhile, Morgana got dressed. Nothing in particular was on HER mind. No... but something was on Mabs...
The faerie peaked her head through to Morganas side. Seeing she was infact decent. Mab had been infatuated with Morgana for a long time. She'd known it in her gut. Shes told so many of her friends and they all dismissed it as wanting a pet. And shes seen fae have human pets... the feeling wasnt the same. For them It was control... dominance and cruelty. But Mab wanted Morgana for the very reason just to love her. When she thought about kissing Morgana her heart raced, when she thought about curling up with her, going to bed and waking up to see her face everyday... it made her heart hurt with how much she wanted that. Real love...
"Morgana." Mab began... there was a pause. "... Mab?" Morgana questioned her. She looked incredibly suspicious... was this the start of some prank? "I..." Mab stepped further in. "Wanted to tell you something." She crossed her arms loosely. Mab had never actually planned this part out. She always figured that somehow, someway, she'd just sweep Morgana off her feet and Morgana would have no choice but to practically marry her on the spot!.... but this was definitely not how things were going to go. Morgana was... difficult to really wow, or 'sweep feet'. "... okay." Morgana narrowed her eyes at the faerie, getting ready for some sort of prank or attack of some kind... Mab walked closer... and awkwardly put her hand on Morganas shoulder... and came in closer... until the side of her face touched the side of Morganas... okay so maybe it wasnt 'telling' her anything... Mab didnt even know if she could say the right words... but she hoped and metaphorically prayed that Morgana understood.
She did. It was an intimate gesture. Mab trusted her... to turn her face to her and keep her close; faces touching just slightly. This was big... and Morgana couldnt help the huge suprised grin that spread across her face. Off and on throughout their friendship she's thought about it-- being with Mab. Theres no doubt that they got along and shared so many things in common, but she never even dreamed that Mab would come to her first. And like this.
Mab slowly pulled away. Looking reserved and guarded, waiting for Morganas reaction... still hopeful she understood, and accepted. "So... you like me?" Morgana asked with her grin. Mab looked just a little insulted at that. "Of course I like you! What do you think I am? An idiot? It would be stupid of us not to court! We love the same things, we're already so close and we-" Mab was cut off by Morgana kissing her on the cheek. "Ah yes. How could I argue with such air tight logic?" She asked sarcastically. Mab was completely frozen for a moment. "Is that a yes?"
Morgana smiled. "Does this answer your question?" She pulled Mab back in and kissed her. The faerie could feel her heart hammering in her chest. She pulled Morgana as close as she could, and kissed her back... unbeknownst to them, the screen Mab created was falling apart into beautiful wild flowers to reveal the scene to Gwen...
When Gwen saw the two... she felt like she was going to vomit. Not out of disgust. Never. But she never thought that seeing her secret love and good friend kissing could break her heart so much... she just stood there. Frozen.... until Morgana noticed. And she laughed.
"Wow. Look at miss queen of the fae... cant control her plants when shes kissing." Morgana teased Mab, who was now red in the face, looking around to see Gwen and of course... no screen of greenery. "A-um- i- I can control them! I can do... anything!" Mab argued. Morgana laughed. "Does that include making your face go as red as my hair?" She asked. And honestly... in the moment... gwen couldnt help but laugh along..... it was better than being heart broken.
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bombardthehq · 3 years
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Convention and Meaning: Derrida and Austin Jonathan Culler, 2008 / read July 20
for Saussure things got their meaning by differnetation, contrasts
but this cant give a complete account: if you say 'Could you lift that box?' it might be a request, an abstract question of capability, or a rhetorical question about how hopelessly heavy it is
so where does it get the meaning?
we risk going back to saying that the meaning resides in the consciousness of the speaker
but a structuralist would ask: what makes it possible for them to mean these several things at once?
so we account for the meaning of 'utterances', different from sentences, by analyzing a different system: that of Speech Acts
so Austin is thus repeating Saussure's move: describing the system that makes 'signifying events' (parole) possible
Austin wont let us locate meaning in the speaker's mind - there isnt an 'inner act of meaning' which goes on when you mean something
it gets its meaning through certain conventions -- if I say 'I promise to return this to you', indicating an item I will borrow, you understand that I am making a promise, but when I just wrote it you understood that this is not a promise bc it lacks the context
so Austin offers a structural explanation of meaning which avoids 'logocentric premesis' -- but in his discussion of it he reintroduces the problems he just overcomes. This is what Derrida tries to deal with in Signature, Event, Context
in How To Do Things With Words, Austun wants to get over some narrow views of language his milieu had; to have a theory adequate to statements which had been discarded as meaningless or 'psuedo-statements' for not fitting their critera [which were: either a description, or a statement of fact - and could be either true or false]
he distinguishes two types: constitutive statments (descriptions of statements of fact), and performative statements (which enact what they say)
there is a surprising conclusion here: if I say, 'I affirm that the cat is on the matt', I'm performing my affirmation. But a crucial aspect of performatives is that they can have the explicitly performative part removed: 'I will pay you tomorrow' is still a promise. But removing the 'I affirm...' gives us, 'the cat is on the mat' - I still affirm it, performatively - but the statement I make is also an emblematic constitutive statement
Culler notes that Austin's argument here is a 'splendid' instance of the deconstructionist 'supplementarism' here, in its inversion of the old formula: what had been seen as merely secondary or inessential becomes the most primary -- rather than performatives being secondary to constitutives, the constitutives are a special case of the performative
"The conclusion that a constative is a performative from which one of various performative verbs has been deleted has since been adopted by numerous linguists." [how used is this in linguistics?]
this allows us to solve the problem of a single statement having multiple meanings: its actually a performative statment from which the performative has been deleted. 'I ask you to lift the box', 'I inquire if you could lift the box', 'I despair at the box's weight'
Austin doesnt argue this and would be skeptical of it; he argues that illocuctionary force (meaning) does not necessarily derive from  grammatical structure
he instead proposes a distinction between locutionary and illocuntionary acts
so when I say 'the chair is broken' I perform the 'locutionary' act of making an utterance, and the 'illocutionary' act of 'stating, warning, complaining...', whatever performance
linguistics accounts for the meaning of the locutionary act; speech act theory accunts for the meaning (or 'illocutionary force') of an utterance
explaining illocutionary force means explaining the conventions that make it possible
we might find out what these conventions are by looking at how these performatives can go wrong, might not actually enact the promised performance [I think eg. a bigamous marriage would prevent the 'I pronounce you man and wife' from really marrying the couple]
so Austin doesnt treat failure as something alterior to performatives, accidental, not part of how they really work, but an integral part of them - performances can go wrong -- something cannot BE a performative unless it CAN go wrong [continental philosophers like him for this reason: he really grasps the 'negative' (Culler puts it in these terms later)]
this accords with semiotics: a statement couldn't signify if it couldnt be said falsely
Austin argues that performing acts - like marrying or betting - must be described as something like 'saying certain words' rather than performing some inward action which the words reflect
...enter Derrida
Derrida argues that despite saying this, Austin reintroduces this inward action as the force of the performance
Austin, worrying about jokes etc., perhaps because it would involve a description of an inward act of meaning, says that only 'serious' speech acts can be analyzed, but doesnt argue for it. He actually puts 'serious' in scare quotes, as if the argument itself was a joke [Deconstructionists love that stuff...]
so after remarking that philosophers wrongly excluded utterances which werent true or false, he excludes utterances which aren't serious. Instead of arguing for it as a 'rigorous move within philosophy', its a customary exclusion 'on which philosophy relies'
later on he describes these 'unserious' uses as 'parasitic on' the normal use; so Austin introduces a new constitutive & supplementary distinction, after getting away from one
Searle defended this to Derrida saying that we ought not *start* our investigation by considering these parasitic discourses [we feel, and have perhaps been primed to feel by Culler, that this misses the point that Austin makes his intervention by uncovering the way these 'supplementary' excess cases are core to the working logic of speech acts, and this might be another such case - although we might not feel it to be necessarily the case that *all* supplementary things are likewise constitutive, although perhaps Derrida 1. argues that *this* supplement is constituive, but also 2. that all supplements are constitutve of what they are supplemental to, as a matter of a thing being a thing, elsewhere]
actually Derrida's case is moreso that setting aside these uses as secondary from the beginning is begging the question; the theory has to be able to account for them -- Austin deals with an 'ideal language' here, not the one really used (which includes uses by actors on a stage, in jokes... Derrida here appears as an ordinary language philosopher!)
So Searle argues that its parasitic because its not possible for an actor to make a promise in a play if we didnt make promises in real life; but Culler says, why see it this way around? Perhaps it is only possible to make a promise in real life if it could be made in a play. For Austin, an utterance is only possible because there are formuals and procedures that we can follow to do so - so for me to do it irl, there have to be iterable procedures that could be acted out...
so Derrida asks: could my performance succeed if it didn't conform to an iterable model? -- for it to succeed there needs to be a model, a representation, and the actors representation of it is just such a thing
~footnote: some commentary on Searle's disagreement... he brings up a use/mention distinction - performatives use utterances, while actors just mention them. Derrida argues that this distinction requires us to go back to making use of intentionality & the inner act that meaning depends on, what we were trying to get away from: if I mention something instead of use it, it can only be because I intend to mention it...
Culler gives an example that is very ambiguous w/r/t use/mention - "His colleagues have said his work was 'boring' and 'pointless' " -- have I merely mentioned the words boring and pointless (since I'm just quoting others who have said it) or have I used them (since I do imply that his work is really boring and pointless)? To tell you would have to decide which one I intended to express.~
so, to repeat Austin's move on the core/marginal distinction that Austin reintroduces: the so-called serious performance is actually a special case of the parasitic - its an instance or reenactment of this iterable representation
so imitation is a condition of possibility of signification
eg., for there to be a recognizable original 'Hemmingway style', there must be some style which can be imitated, repeated, etc. [This seems very convincing to me]
so, the performative is from the outset structured by this possibility for iterability, citation, performance-of...
the reason that Austin reintroduces this flawed core/supplementary model is to solve a problem for speech act theory:
if you explicate all the conditions that make a particular performative possible (which is the goal of speech act theory), say-- 'I pronounce you married' is perforative only if there is a marriage license, a licensed officiary, etc. - one can *always* imagine a further scenario that would cause the performative to fail (say, they're all actors in a play...)
Austin tries to resolve this by ruling out instances where the speaker is 'not serious' - but this requires us to appeal to the intentions, etc...
so to make performatives and 'performance' coextensive is to maintain a version of the theory that can really discard intention etc., but at the cost of being unable to explicate the conditions of possibility of a given performative - because it gets its meaning only via context, and the number of contexts is infinite
... [skipping a nice section that we dont really need to note]
for Austin, a signature is the equivalent in writing of a performative utterance, 'I hereby...'
on this idea, Derrida ends Signature, Event, Context, by writing his name twice, and indicating one is a counterfeit of the other. The joke being: is this counterfit, citational second signature not a signature, because he wasnt being serious? or does it function as a signature, because a signature is signing your name?
the other implication: which of the two signatures is the 'real' one? you cant tell in writing -- 'the effects of the signature depend on iterability'
so contrary to Austin, who holds that the signature is an indication of some inner intention (assent to an agreement, etc), the signature can only funtion if it is repeatable, iterable... "The condition of possibility of [its] effects is simaultaneously ... its condition of impossibility, or the impossibility of their rigorous function." [ie. to be possible, it must also be imitable, repeatable... theres a bit of what 'difference & repetition' is engaging w/ here --
interesting to comapre w/ Deleuze here - for Derrida, something has to be repeatable in order to be at all because its just a repeatable expression of conditions of possibility. This means its negative is prefactored into its conditions of possibility -- the price of having a signature is that the signature can be counterfeited.
Deleuze is somewhat allergic to 'conditions of possibility', and also wants to find a system where the negative doesn't exist. I'm not sure how he might argue w/ Derrida here. Perhaps he would feel that it is the difference between each signature which makes it repeatable... but that doesnt really make sense to me & is probably an overly literal reading. It's possible the two only disagree in terminology here - what Derrida would call the negative is just another form of difference for Deleuze. I'm not sure.]
Culler talks about how signatures can be made without the signatory's presence, in the case of machines signing checks automatically, so that wages are paid without being physically cashed in
he identifies 'logocentrism' as seeing these sorts of things as secondary to or parasitic on direct speech where the speaker's intentions are carried out
really, such cases could not occur if they didnt belong to the structure of the signing (etc.) already
so Derrida says that intention will not disappear from a good analysis, but it will no longer govern the entire 'system of utterance'... so while I intend to mean something and thats why I speak, the act of speaking itself introduces a gap between my intention and my words. My attention is the reason I structure things the way I do, why I make use of certain conventions, etc., but my intention is not accessible in the words I use (just as we might say, if I make a necklace, my intention for the necklace to be a gift for my niece is not a property of the necklace itself; the meaning/illocutionary force of a speech act is the necklace here - a speech act is given its meaning by the conventions it uses to generate a meaning, and I employ those conventions to try and say what I intend to say)
Culler introduces the unconscious here - often we say things and do things for reasons we are unconcious of, so intention is even a little more deflated. My reasons for saying something are not entirely conscious intentions which are transparent and accessible to reflection, but a 'structuring intentionality' that includes implications that never "entered my mind"
"Intentions are not a delimited content but open sets of discursive possibilities-what one will say in response to questions about an act." [nice idea]
"The example of the signature thus presents us with the same structure we encountered in the case of other speech acts: (1) the dependence of meaning on conventional and contextual factors, but (2) the impossibility of exhausting contextual possibilities so as to specify the limits of illocutionary force, and thus (3) the impossibility of controlling effects of signification or the force of discourse by a theory, whether it appeal to intentions of subjects or to codes and contexts." [a summary of the whole argument]
what this means is that meaning can never be *exhaustively* determined, but we are still left with tools to examine speech acts and how they work, etc.
Culler gives a nice defense that meaning being indeterminable (or not precisely, finally, exhaustively determinable) does not mean that no analysis can or should be done by comparing it with Godel's incompleteness theorem in mathematics: "the impossibility of constructing a theoretical system within which all true statements of number theory are theorems does not lead mathematicians to abandon their work"
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deddie-eddie · 4 years
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Hypocrisy in fandom.
TW // suicide, suicide baiting, harassment
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Yesterday, I nearly killed myself.
I was in the midst of a breakdown, I was shaking so hard I couldnt breathe, and if I wasn't I likely would have been able to open the pill bottle and I likely would have gone through with it.
I had to be talked down via phone call while I was on a camping trip with my family.
But why?
Two days ago, I did something awful. I found a "pedo struggling" account, run by an anti, who was posting screenshots of me and my friends, and called them out.
Little did I know, this would be the start of something horrible.
It started out fine. I made a couple jokes, laughed along at other proshippers in the comments, and it was all fine.
Then, the account posted a vague tweet. "They won't stop." I thought this was funny, so I poked more fun at them. Watched them squirm as they replied to my friends in shaky, broken English. I called it crytyping. I mocked them for it. I assumed I knew what I was talking about and instead of realizing that they were having a breakdown, I assumed that they were being performative and made some horrid accusations in a long callout thread about them. I posted screenshots of them as they replied with, what I thought was, performative nonsense. I privately mocked them. To summarize, I did something entirely, unarguably, factually awful. I made assumptions I had no right to make and acted on them in the worst way.
Then I went to bed.
When I woke up, I had hundreds of notifications. Spammed messages of "deactivate," "how could you do something like this," and a barrage of fancams.
It had come out that the person I was mocking was having a genuine panic attack, and that I had mocked them in a time of immense struggle and pain. I had no right to mock them in the first place, but now that it was genuine, my actions were amplified.
I finally took more than two seconds to think about what I'd done, and realized I was a huge, giant, absolutely massive asshole. I deleted the thread, released a long apology, and tried to take every comment and all my criticism in stride. I was still getting a lot of hate. That was understandable. I knew I didnt deserve to be forgiven yet. I let it be. I didnt tweet anything else for fear of it seeming like I wasnt taking this horrible situation seriously. I sincerely, honestly replied to people asking me why, how, and what I thought I was doing. They had every right to know. Still, the cries of "deactivate" rolled in. I knew I deserved them.
Then, it got worse.
I got a comment. I checked it.
"I dont usually say this but ummm... you should kys."
My heart raced. It had been a while since someone had told me to kill myself. I knew I had fucked up but I didnt realize just how hard, if people were really telling me to kill myself. But i brushed it off. It was one comment. I deserved it.
But it kept. Coming.
More people. "Deactivate," "kill yourself," "you're a freak." All day. Every minute I'd have a new notif, and every moment a new threat. "You'll be alone forever." "I hope you rot alone." I knew I had to take it because I had inadvertently sent people to harass that person. I didnt deserve to be forgiven. I still dont.
People watched my follower count drop. So did I. I lost mutuals I had interacted with for months. I lost people who said that they would always be there for me. I lost people who used to call me their best friend.
I had no one ask me for my side. No one that i was close to, anyway. None of the tens of people who told me that they cared about me, that they loved me, that theyd always be there for me. Not a single one of them was there to ask me. They all read the same callout post, and came to the same conclusion. That I was a horrible, unforgivable person. And I dont blame them for that. Sometimes I think I am too.
Then they kept going even more. More hate. More callout posts, except now people were making things up. They were lying and I couldnt do anything about it because I was in the wrong and not to be redeemed. Old friends took the sides of people who genuinely suggested that I die or kill myself, and people who said they loved me were handing over screenshots to these people in hopes that they wouldnt get thrown under the bus.
They took old things that I said and did and exaggerated them, posted old DMs out of context, and when they couldnt manipulate my words they just didnt provide evidence at all. They had that power. They had the power to lie about me and I had given it to them.
More people joined in. There was a hashtag spread of me. #staymadeddie on twitter. Look it up if you think I'm lying. People tried to get this trending.
After over a day and a half of NOTHING but constant harassment, I started to think I should take their advice. If I was dead, I'd finally be quiet, and theyd get what they wanted. If I was dead, they wouldnt yell at me anymore. They wouldnt harass me. I would be free.
They managed to make me feel like this in a day and a half.
I had a public breakdown. I screamed over the internet, phone held in shaking hands as I tried not to sob in earshot of my family. I frantically pleaded to what little I had left that they stop. I begged to know what they wanted from me. I asked if they really wanted me to die. I begged them to leave me alone. I threw my phone at my bed, ran to the med cabinet, and grabbed a bottle of pills. If I hadn't been shaking so hard, I'd have opened it. If I had opened it, I dont like to think about what I might have done. I was flooded with comments telling me to get help. Close friends begged me not to do what I wanted so badly to. They dmed me left and right, but i ignored it. I felt numb. Everything had been hurting so much that when presented with death felt almost better. Obviously that was a ludicrous thought. It was a day and a half. I was being rash. But I didnt care. I couldnt take it anymore. I'm 15, I have severe anxiety and depression. When overwhelmed, my impulsive thoughts and actions take over.
A friend called me and had to talk me down over phone call while I was camping with my family. It was successful, of course, but the rest of the day I was plagued with a deep depression that left me feeling hollow and worthless. I still cant keep my thoughts away from it. I think about all the people I've lost. All the people who, in their eyes, I'm dead to. All the people who swore they'd be with me, but when push came to shove they couldnt even spare me a glance.
My crime was harassing a minor. I made assumptions I had no right to make and publicly blasted someone for having a panic attack. In no way was that okay and in no way am I entitled to be forgiven. However, I deleted the post. I released an apology. I took criticism as best I could, without blaming my actions on anything or anyone but myself. I did what they always tell you to do when you fuck up.
But it didnt work.
I *was* genuinely sorry.
I *did* recognize my mistake
I *tried* to make amends.
I *didn't* pass blame.
I fucked up. Hard. But no matter what I did no one would stop. I lost close friends. I lost a best friend. It almost seemed like I'd made it worse.
There is no moral. Because real life isnt black and white. I did an awful thing. These people did awful things too. There is more than one victim here. In people's quest to gain justice for me harassing a minor, they harassed a minor into near suicide and laughed at it.
Dont forget that behind EVERY account there is a real person. Be they adult or child, everyone will fuck up and even though in general we need to think before we post, like I clearly didnt, it is possible to learn from our actions and one negative one doesn't define a person.
I'll say this again.
To some people, people I trusted, people who said they cared about me, i am dead. They hate my guts. I'll never be redeemed. But I'm expected to improve myself with this knowledge. I'm supposed to take all the hate and never speak about the hate coming my way for fear of trying to victimize myself.
No. Fuck you.
I AM a victim. I was harassed as much as they were, and even though I threw the first stone, I never told anyone to die. I never lied about anyone. I didnt cancel them. I learned my mistake and apologized, but I KNOW that NO ONE will EVER be expected to apologize for what they did to me.
What I did was horrible. I am not entitled to forgiveness. I will repeat that a hundred times. But to beat me down until I'm nearly dead, to call me a freak and a pedo and a disgusting person, to tell me to kill myself, then laugh when I call myself a victim, is disgusting.
I DON'T deserve this, and I'm tired of having to pretend like I do.
By all means. Criticize me. Make jokes. Be harsh. But do NOT tell me to kill myself over a lack of forethought, and then have the guts to call yourself a "protector of kids." You're not.
You're only out to protect your friends, and the people who agree with you, other people's lives be damned. I dont matter to you. And you'll never admit that you hurt me.
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autumn-foxfire · 3 years
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So like i think its important to acknowledge the context here for some of this. The context being that between chuuya being introduced and us getting chuuyas backstory its been A WHILE. Like for a good while i used to joke that they were really wasting chuuya cuz they had a fan favorite character who we had like no information and backstory on. Like i wanna say its been at least two years between chuuya introduction n backstory but honestly im terible with memory n even worse with time progression so all im gonna say for a very very long time the fandom didnt know shit about chuuyas backstory. The most we got in guild arc was the hint that kouyou was his mentor n of course that he n dazai formed the ace in mafias sleeve n for a long while that was pretty much it. Fans ran wild with that n everybody had their own headcanon n there were a lot of fics exploring his possible backstory. From him being a french (flashbacks to french chuuya era) immigrant/ child trafficked for his ability to him training to work in kouyous borthel (that was a popular headcanon for kouyou but i dont think it has any base in canon) until they discovered his ability and were like oooo this baby dangerous. My favorite was anything that included kouyou just picking up a half feral kid chuuya n being like ahhh im keeping this, mine now. Feral Chuuya gives me life n i still like to read about it. The point being when chuuyas backstory came out it was going to have to contend with A Lot of fan content some of which was really really good.
Anyway i dislike the whole oh there was a god shoved in him when he was a kid bit. I wont stick to this a lot cuz im honestly past the point 'ugh this is So stupid' n to the point 'i dislike it but i also dont really care' but ye, im not super big fan of throwing gods around so randomly cuz i feel bsd isnt really built with that in mind, n i considered that whole part a really boring explenation to corruption and eh, im not gonna pretend that the fanwork didnt influence me n that i might have liked it better if i didnt read so much speculative fanfiction cuz it really comes down to 'its not like in my headcanons so i hate it :/'n thats p much all there is to it n thats no fun to talk about.
I did like sheep parts tho loved dat.
No what im here to talk about is how KOUYOU GOT FUCKIN ROBBED. Like we barely get any chuuya kouyou interactions anyway despite her being shown as his mentor like how mori was to dazai n kouyou herself really only had time to shine with kyouka n like this was the perfect oportunity to explore her more. She was shown as chuuyas mentor from the start, she was included in every fanwork that included chuuyas backstory, if ur gonna do chuuyas backstory you need to have kouyou there she is his mentor after all
Nope nope what do we get instead
FUCKING RANDO SAN
LITERAL GUY NAMED RANDO
Like ok fine u needed a villain for the novel thats fine, make it the person who tried to grab chuuya out good good great BUT WHAT WAS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT FUCKING RANDO SAN BEING THE ONE TO RECRUIT CHUUYA INTO MAFIA. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT CHUUYAS FUCKING HAT BEING RANDOS, WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE OF CHUUYA SITTING ON HIS GRAVE LIKE FUCKIN DAZAI WITH ODA
WHAT THE FUCK
I will not stop yelling
Like honestly it made me so upset. I dont mind fucking rando san as a villain or whatever but i do mind him kinda being pushed into the spot of chuuyas mentor (whos kouyou) or recuiter (whos dazai) n him being tied into his character so significantly like the tradition of a mentor giving their student something is obvs a big thing in mafia what with dazais coat n all n it just made me so upset that chuuyas hat was given to him by some fuckass named rando n not kouyou. Or that rando seemed to impact him so much to be considered some sort of great influence when he p much just busted him out n then dazai did all the work. Like it just made me so upset that this random one but villain named literally rando was shoved as an important figure in a story of a character whos backstory we've been clamoring for so long when kouyou was literally right there like 'hi im here ready to be relevant forever.'
Like we already got a nice view of her with kyouka what with her wanting to protect kyouka but being willing to let her go wgen she sees thats the best for kyouka n that she will be happy n protected with the agency. Like i doubt she would be as protective with chuuya since their age difference is a lot smaller (4-5 years i think) so shed probs view him more as a friend or a younger brother than a literal child she has to protect but like i wanna see that i want them to have a bond, why hint at her being his mentor n then do nothing with it when mori is of such significance for dazai.
Like i think all this comes down to is obe of primary problems i had with bsd n one of the reasons i ended up growing tired with it: bsd really likes introducing new characters n new groups while at the same time doing very little with ones it already introduced if they arent like atsushi akutagawa dazai n sometimes kunikida n chuuya. N like that just gets boring after a bit i dont care about new evil group no 65 i care about the characters i already know so BLS DO THINGS WITH THEM BLS
...I’ll be honest, I didn’t notice that Kouyou was supposed to be Chuuya’s mentor. Did I just miss that in the anime or something? I didn’t know they had a bond at all.
As for Chuuya’s backstory, I also... didn’t really mind it either. I know the god part was a bit random but I also thought it was kind of fitting that Chuuya’s ability, or a part of it?, was born from something out of this world. It really does fit the “corruption” theme too, in my opinion, in the sense that his body has been corrupted by a god and it would also explain why his body isn’t able to handle the body too.
I also thought that the point of Rando being the one who “gave” Chuuya his hat was symbolism of Chuuya finding a piece of his past because of him and that’s why he visited his grave (almost as a silent thanks in a way). Plus I think it was another one of Dazai’s manipulation to get Chuuya into the Port Mafia, he knew he would never accept a belonging given to him by Dazai (he even pulled a face when he heard that Dazai, as his recruiter should be the one to give it) but when he learned it was Rando, a person who while had attacked him but had also helped him learn a tiny bit more about the god inside him, made accepting the hat more easier for him.
At least, that was my take on it.
I am a little disappointed myself about the lack of attention some characters have recieved compared to others (cough Kenji cough) and I wished they were given a little more, but I also understand why new criminal groups are introduced as bsd wants to draw a stalemate between the Agency and the Port Mafia.
I guess this a matter of different opinions XD
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no more vanilla bean ice cream
they were out of vanilla bean ice cream, they had vanilla, french vanilla, sweet cream vanilla and cheesecake vanilla, but not vanilla bean, when did everyone all of a sudden get into vanilla bean, everyone was a pig they could not care less about the bean in the vanilla or not, but now apparently everyone was into vanilla bean ice cream because last week there was a full row of umpqua vanilla bean ice cream and now there was none
so I’m waiting in line at safeway with my subpar vanilla ice cream after I had gone on a much needed quarantine run right after spending two hours texting my friend and she was telling me about how google owns all the data in the world and not only has enough data to know me better than myself, but since they know everyone else’s data too, they know my friends data so they know me in context, the whole thing was very depressing so depressing i didnt even want to use a period in my writing anymore because what the fuck was the point of punctuation anyway in this world, i would still be nice and use commas, just to give my fingers a break and be able to get a thought in or so. 
i guess i could also accommodate for paragraphs break at visually appropriate times, it didn't matter if it was contextually appropriate or not, i was going to drop a paragraph break because i know people like paragraphs, charles dickens and dostoevsky and jane austen and leo tolstoy never made paragraph breaks that's why no one ever read their books, people just say they read them to seem smart but they never really read them they just knew it was the right thing to say that they were literary geniuses because their books were so long, see people like to lie and say they know the work of a great author even though they only read a few  quotes by them, but that was enough to say good and bad things about writers without ever knowing what the hell they did, few understand the theory of relativity but everyone calls einstein a genius. 
the thing about quarantine was that at this point i had gotten used to seeing very few people in my life and i was enjoying it so whenever i had to go to the supermarket i had to see all these people and boy were they gross, maybe i would not have seen them as so gross if had gotten my vanilla bean ice cream but i had not so, they were gross, they were all getting so fat, and fat in like weird ways, not like fat on the sides like the michelin tire guy or a cute belly like the pillsbury dough boy or like that kinda funny superfat like homer simpson or peter griffin they were just gross fat, like it looked like they had just been eating garbage and watching netflix fat, like this one guy seemed like if you got a pillowcase filled it up with hot lard and then poked two pool cues on the bottom of it, this other lady looked like a minifridge emptied into a potato sack.
the asses were the worst part, it was kinda hot so everyone was wearing shorts and it was not appropriate when they wear shorts always have that like red line right under the shorts and it does not look that great, the oddest one was the skinny ass but with fat legs, i did not get that one, the person would have no ass mass at all but then the legs were super fat i did not understand what they were doing to get their bodies to look this way, a lot of people were also walking around with wedgies, a lot of people were also walking around in pajamas covered in animal hair and it was gross, its like you have nowhere to go, you are all complaining about not having the right to go out, so when you do go out why not maybe spruce things up, honour life, honour your fellow human, no, screw that we are all going to behave like the whole entire public sphere is a big ass pijama party,
the whole facemask thing, wait before, i start talking about the facemask thing, everytime i start a new paragraph, google is trying to force me into capitalizing the first letter, it doesn't even ask me if i want to capitalize it, it just goes ahead and does it, google is such an presumptuous douche sometimes, now when i write in gmail, it autocompletes all my sentences, great so we can all sound like robots, and it does it like automatically, so i ending having to erase the lame sentence it wrote, i mean i would have probably come up with something similar or exactly the same too, after all there are only  so many ways to say goodbye, but id like to think it was my idea, these engineers had no savoir faire, just so you know, so now i hope that everytime you start to read a new paragraph you imagine me hitting the backspace button to delete their fascist capital letters, and its frustrating because im really trying to write as fast as i can, i bet you can tell
see it happened again, and its not that i just have to hit the delete, i have to get my mouse and put my cursor there so it like detects its not just on mistake i am trying to delete their smartass capital letter, so yeah to the facemask thing, the whole facemask thing was pretty dumb, i mean if the facemask was the windshield to the coronavirus i didnt get how casual people were being about, they would just pull it right down under their noise, oh great now you have all your coronavirus on your nostrils, what the hell, i didnt get it, im pretty sure noone in that safeway store had coronavirus, and it was coronavirus not covid19, what is it about us having to find dandy little names for things, it was the coronavirus and thats that, so yeah we were all carrying about these facemasks that if they were really protecting us from the coronavirus lingering in the air then we were being flagrantly irresponsible in our use, but deep down we all felt it wasnt, but we just had to wear one because it was the rule, but we all knew noone in the store had coronavirus
it may sound weird, but i think you know when someone has coronavirus, its like you can just tell, you know like other things you can just tell about a person, i remember i once went up to san francisco about a month ago, and i saw this guy on the muni line headed to the bayview that for sure had coronavirus, he wasnt coughing or anything, but i saw him and i knew he definitely had coronavirus, it wasnt because he was black or chinese or  anything, this isnt like a hidden racist joke, i could just tell, i freaked out , and i havent gone up to the city since then, and then, lo and behold they announced that a muni driver got the corona and that the bayview district had the most corona cases in the cities, see sometimes you can just tell
im pretty sure that day i even had the corona on me, i mean i didnt get it, but im pretty sure it landed on my hand, but i washed it before i touched any of my mucous parts, but it was there with me, i dont think it was from the guy on the bus thought, i think it landed from this other guy, i went to a deli to buy water, bananas, coca cola and chocolate and this guy was kinda drunk and talking real loud and coming real close and i could feel the air get really moist when he passed by me and my hand was exposed and i know that at that moment some of it got on my hand, but i didnt panic, i knew i couldnt lose my cool, i had to just play it smooth, and wait till i could get to the studio and wash my hand and everything else, i was really thorough i walked the whole way back to the studio with my hand outstretched so it wouldnt touch my jacket or anything, i could feel it was there, it was for sure there, but i played it cool and washed it and nothing happen, but i was that close 
 and thats why you have to wash your hands because you could be that close too to having coronavirus, so see im not that crazy, that the reason they recommend us all to wash our hands, because at some point it could be that close to you, and if you don't wash your hand before your touch your eye, boom you got coronavirus, crazy to think that you too could have had coronavirus on you, and you could have, but now i think there isnt that much coronavirus on things anywhere, i think the coronavirus is like hiding or something, i think the coronavirus are like finding their niches and stuff, like if you ask me i think the coronavirus right now is probably somewhere where the sun dont shine, i bet it like flew to a a dirty dive bar that was totally shut down windows boarded and everything, but its there just chilling on the sticky counter, waiting to come back in the summer, i also think it might be at like some nasty to-go food place, like there is this wing place open till midnite around my house, i bet there is a little coronavirus there, but only a little bit, and its like one of the lazy ones, so i dont think it feels like jumping on anyone
at work i have to tell the staff how to wash their hands, i tell them they have to wash on top of their hand, palm of their hand, each finger, in between fingers, under the finger nails, and up to the elbow, but i mean if they have coronavirus, and their touching my food, i think its going to get on the to go box anyway, but its the rules so i play along, i even translated the rules, and told them to sign a paper, the paper also said that they had to wear a facemask, its not like they have multiple facemasks, i mean we are going to give them a few, but its up to them to wash it, one guy asked me if he could use the same one for a few days, i told him no, but i mean even if he washes his facemask before work and then lets say he puts it in his pocket, what if his jacket has corona but his facemask doesnt, itd be a real shame if his corona jacket infected his noncorona facemask, but i saw him and i dont think he had corona anyway
im repeating the same point and the rant is losing steam, so i gotta ramp it back up, or maybe no, maybe its not all just about ranting, maybe i should tell you some good things, like ill tell you about my run, the day was so nice, it was bright and sunny, and thats really all i gotta say, the point that i have more to say about right now is that i feel like im writing like that kid from catcher in the rye, that kid was a real case, i cant say i disliked the kid, but i wouldnt hang out with him, i mean in general i wouldnt be hanging out with high schoolers, but i might hang out with him after he grows up, i think we were all like that kid at some point, and the ones that arent, are soul dead and just go to work and drink craft beer and probably become those engineers without savoir faire that figure out the code to finish my email sentences
but i also feel that i am writing likes james joyce in ulysses, those are two books that i read from cover to cover ulysses and catcher in the rye, all it takes is a good fucked up guy to write something honest and you can get me to finish it, james joyce was all about stream of consciousness, crazy to think that ulysses is regularly named the best book of the century, and it wasnt even that bad of a century for books, it was a crazy book, and it was daring and new to just expose how he felt a person thought, and i mean it was pretty smart, because that is how we think, we jump around and we get nervous and self conscious and horny and we think in simple letters, and our memories associate things weirdly, i mean dante was the best writer of all the time, but i dont know anyone that thinks inside their brain in metered stanzas, if there was such a person, i dont know if id like to meet him, it would be a lot to handle good novels have taught me a lot, they've confused me too, but overall taught me things, see life is a grey thing, like there arent absolute values, 
for us human beings, its easy to think of things as black and white, good and bad, yes or no, but thats not how it goes, there is a lot of grey area, and thats why i guess i liked ulysses, see the whole book is about this guy that is roaming around dublin, while he knows his wife is cheating on him, the last chapter is a stream of consciousness from his wifes mind, in which she just goes through her mind thinking about her past lovers and this guy she is cheating on her husband with, and ultimately she feels bad and when her husband climbs back into bed with her, shes like thinking oh there he is again, old leopold, but hes my leopold and she i guess kinda does admit to loving him, life hurts like that sometimes, a woman can still love you but cheat on you, a man can do it too, anyone can cheat on you, but still love you, anyone can hurt you and still love you, its a rough reality, remember i wrote an essay on this book, and the teacher said that i should save it and give it to the woman i marry it was so good, i didnt save it so i guess that wont ever happen, i cant even remember what i said, probably something about forgiveness and the abstract beauty of love, i was only twenty, i could have said anything
i wish i could remember what i wrote though, nowadays a lot of people are walking around with fear of intimacy issues, they are scared to open up to people, you know a lot of people are saying that they have intimacy issues, so i wanted to figure out more,  i looked it up on wikipedia and it said there were four types of people, normal people that love themselves and can share intimacy with others, people that think themselves unworthy of intimacy but seek it, people that are scared of being intimate with others out of fear of rejection, and people that have self worth but think others are undeserving of intimacy, i think the whole thing probably comes from parental stuff, that's always the freudian way of looking at things, its kind of a shame because i think people really do like laying in bed and talking comfortably with someone after a wild fuck, when i wrote the essay i didnt have intimacy issues, but i might now, i dont know, and even if  i did i dont know what type of of person i am,  i guess sometimes people do say some stupid things, and stupid things out of  a naked person are the worst kind of stupid things, whatever its wikipedia, anyone could have written, just like the original science study it supposedly based on,
ok this all getting too gooey and it lost its sharp vibe, i think that we were on a roll, when we were on the coronavirus landing places part, but then i get too serious and stuff, i do still want to talk about books i like, you know like thats one of the favorite things english teachers like to do, they like to analyze all the references that an authour made to other books, normally its the bible or the odyssey or some other greek or roman classic, like ulysses was modeled after the odyssey, i remember the teacher always talked about that, ive never read the odyssey or the iliad, ive heard they are great books, but i try not to say it myself, i do say that homer was a great poet though, but i never read his stuff, i mean ive read the first line, but i dont know the whole story or anything, i guess we are all hypocrites at some point or another, i do know however that ulysses was in one of dantes circles of hell, because he was advisor to deceit, the deceit of having that big horse full of soldiers go into to troy, so he ended up in hell, talking about hell that was another book they loved to reference, the bible, the bible doesnt see things grey, they see it black or white, this morning i woke up at four in the morning, and i couldnt get back to bed, so i pulled to a random spot and started reading proverbs, they make it seem so simple, this is good, that is is bad, i wish it were that simple, it used to be that simple like that when i was little kid, maybe it still is but,  i just refuse to see it that way
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dahniwitchoflight · 5 years
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Candy 18-21
oh, oh no
I’ve heard things about Jane x Gamzee
now I get to experience them, oh boy...
Gamzee gets, strangely serious about stuff for once, huh, who would have thunk it
yeah, It’s clear Jane’s political stuff seem to stem from some kind of fear that one day humanity won’t exist on Earth C for whatever reason
that over time, the population of trolls versus humans will eventually skew so much that there won’t be any adam and eve left to match up with each other
in her mind she really doesn’t hate trolls, cuz its not really about the trolls, not at all, but obviously her actions are equivalent to someone who does hate them and she just doesn’t get that
and like, yeah if you just left them to their own devices, maybe that would happen, but then (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) Gamzee has an extremely good point that they already did that when they plopped all the ectokids down and called it a day for a 1000 years, like, they managed to figure it out on their own just fine
and also
ectobiology will literally never stop being a thing so like, as long as some of the god kids stick around, eventually you can just make more humans it’s no big deal to restart the human gene pool since it will be identical to the first time they started it
there’s no reason to make sure this system runs smoothly the “natural way” it won’t, this situation is unnatural for both species
Jane’s just gotta realize that if she wants humans to keep sticking around, she just has to keep supporting the human population, that’s it, whatever trolls do or don’t do doesn’t matter for that goal
course it doesn’t help to compare trolls to animals when talking about their breeding rate and how it naturally evolved over time unlike the apparently non animal humans Janey
Also Alternian society is def not how troll society naturally is but like how could she know that? And how could any troll near her really explain that? 
aaaand I got so up in taking this seriously I forget who was talking
Jane’s into troll blackrom though that’s interesting and unexpected 
oh wow, Jake was there the whole time
Did they really name Jake and Jane’s baby Tavros??? oh jeesus
Yeah Kinda figured the Jane x Jake thing wasn’t gonna actually be happy
I’m really surprised Jane’s version of happiness apparently involves boinking a weird funny man I mean, she canonically likes clowns and jokes, so at the same time I’m not surprised, I mean, she WAS raised by the condesce, it’s just weird how that influence comes out in her sometimes versus how it doesn’t come out in her
literal Jake nightmare scenario though I think lol
really hammering home how the passions of youth don’t really translate well to happy adult relationships
Oh, so there’s the part where Jade reveals she has Bec biology, considering the fandom reaction you’d think we were gonna get some kind of gross M rated sex scene where she pegs Karkat or something
but all she does is talk about how she’d love a normal family and home life and lament that her circumstances ended up not really allowing that and giving enough hints that we can figure out why that would be
it’s not handled grossly at all, even if the subject matter is odd and it doesn’t come off as some sort of character sabotage
this whole time what we’ve known all Jade was that she was lonely and just wanted a family, not that hard to figure out why, girl’s got the same complex as Joey Claire about her family situation, but she’s more reserved about her feelings since she didn’t get to have a comparison of role models like Joey did with her babysitter and also Jade’s food and shelter needs were somewhat taken care by a planet guardian so the affect was somewhat lessened on the outside, she just didnt get the same chances as Joey to be able to articulate her emotional turmoil about it
aww Jade’s not happy either, well, that’s how it goes when you make relationship decisions based on flimsy passions that are more about fulfilling the needs of the self than about actually wanting good things for a partner
More like Jade’s sort of realized that Karkat and Dave don’t have a genuine romantic interest in her and she’s the only one keeping this ship afloat
oh shit, a dead younger jade, oh damn wait she’s the one from Meat that was trapped in the house juju and then immediately died from space razors
Yeah’s she’s a bloody symbol of meat that’s for sure, theyre making that pretty clear
“Her eyes go wide and she feels the breath go out of her for a moment. She looks directly upward. Where did this body come from?”
Again, if we take that symbolism circle of Breath = Sugar = Drugged up High =  Breath
This little dash of meat falling into wonderland would break the breathy haze for a bit wouldn’t it?
So if this kind of thing can happen to others besides John, there’s hope yet for something of value to come from Candy
“ There’s a peaked skylight at the top of the foyer that splits the morning sun like a prism, spilling multicolored dots across every surface below. Amongst those dots are drips of teen-Jade’s blood. It’s so dark on the spotless tile that it looks nearly black. “
I wish I could draw things, I’d love to draw this exact scene here, it’s pretty and morbid
Yeah, the relationship theme of Candy seems to be that everyone’s jumping into Kismesis plus Matesprite threesomes, that seem to be neither of what anyone actually wants in totality
There’s some realization that their Candy filled atmosphere is actually more a drug or a poison, teen jade can’t be revived, and it’s not because of what happened to her, but more because of the environment she is in now
Ah Roxy, ever the social chameleon people pleaser, not working this time though
Jade’s is easily explained already as she has the social graces of an elephant
It is kinda sad tho to see most of the human characters actually aren’t that good at being cool about troll stuff
“CALLIOPE: pUrple roses traditionally represent love at first sight, however these roses are actUally red roses that we prepared Using a blUe dye.CALLIOPE: the blUe rose is the most elUsive and mysterioUs of all flowers.CALLIOPE: the combination of red and blUe in this context is meant to evoke the dUal natUre of death, in that there is nothing more mysterioUs and impossible to comprehend than the vast void of the afterlife, bUt also there is nothing that makes Us appreciate the life and and love that we already have than the mystery of death.CALLIOPE: while death is terrifying, there is always joy to be foUnd among the sorrow. each time we witness death, we fall in love with the important people in oUr lives all over again.“
Why do I get the feeling Calliope is talking about actual rose here somehow?
Is it because she started off with “here’s the symbolism of Purple Roses”?
a Red Rose dyed Blue
Now if Cascade taught us anything Blue and Red certainly represent a mutual destruction of opposites coming together to create a third new thing in the blaze of the aftermath, but that thing was a Green Sun, not something purple, so why bring Rose into mind for all of this?
We have been seeing the effects of what happens when people in candyland awaken from their drug haze with a smattering of blood, but in that case why not make the symbolism more clear by saying a Blue Candied Rose dyed Red as if with Bloodied Meat?
is it more to mean that the correct path lies NOT in Candy being dyed Red, but in Meat being dyed Raspberry Blue?
I Mean, Candy!Rose certainly seems shaken here, having gotten jolted out of her drugged haze at some point, but unable to See, and she’s actually starting to be concerned about that and Meat!Rose is kind of out of commission at this point, So I guess to get things back on track, Candy!Rose would have to go back to the Meat somehow, or might be the influence needed to snap Meat Rose out of her daze
Though I don’t like how this is taking place in the context of a funeral, specifically bringing to mind how Dirk did the same thing using the vessel of Death, I hope Candy Rose doesn’t try to just, off herself
with Dirk taking control of Rose’s ultimate self in Meat, Candy!Rose might be the only true Rose left to take heroic action
Aww, Callie is still head over heels for Roxy, I’m really surprised with this theme of threesomes that nothing ever came of a John x Roxy x Callie, but then again all the threesomes so far have been painted Black and Red, and unless John or Roxy was to form a Kismesis with Callie, I don’t see it happening at all
OH SHIT SPEAKING OF RED AND BLUE
Damn, Sollux and Aradia are here
“KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.”
Karkat don’t tease me about Nepeta but also again WHY is actual Jesus here.
Is Roxy a christian in this timeline? Was she legit just praying to actual Human Jesus? That’s so, weird, especially for Roxy to do, what the fuck in Roxy’s upbringing on an apocalypse earth would make her want to worship Jesus?
Oh wait, that’s obviously what she thinks that every other human sincerely does, since she only had human media to go off of, and like, technically no human has ever said they DONT worship christian gods to her.
“GAMZEE: wHeN tHe DoOr Of ThAt FrIdGe pOpPeD oPeN iT wAs LikE i Be AlL sEeIn ThE lIgHt AnD sHiT.
SOLLUX: well yeah
SOLLUX: that’s what happens when s0me0ne 0pens a d00r t0 a t0tally dark encl0sure.“
Gamzee has had a weirdly meta understanding of what’s going on so far, for some reason, I can’t fathom what could be the Lighty influence that he’s gotten
unless...
Dirk really IS starting to subsume Ultimate Rose, and that’s bleeding over to every Ultimate self connected to Dirk
the more Gamzee knows meta shit and says oddly correct things, the more we know Dirk is “winning” over Rose
Oh, that’s why Gamzee is really here isn’t he? I mean, storywise? He’s a Dirk thermometer/gauge/thing, he’s our way of measuring how far Dirk’s influences are going in Meat
“ARADIA: its so nice that you believe all that gamzee
ARADIA: i think i can honestly say
ARADIA: im reasonably happy for you?“
lol
“blue smoke”
You don’t really tend to describe Smoke as being Blue right? At least, I don’t think that’s usual
But if we’re straight up associating Candy with Blue  to complement Meat with Red now, it’s just making the whole Sugar = Breath thing that much stronger
*EDIT* DUH OF COURSE OF CANDY’S COLOR IS BLUE
BLUE GUSHERS. OBVIOUSLY. *end edit*
and I mean, what is Breath but a weird bluey smoke?
Roxy just wants to be happy with all her friends, that’s all
It is a good shake at trying to explain the nature of infinite possibility, that in reality, there isn’t really more weight put into one possibility over others, that’s how it works in real life anyway
unfortunately a storyline of canon is going to favor some version of events over others, and people make choices because they have preferences for that choice over other choices, something that seems kind of lost on Candy!Roxy who seems to just be okay with going along with anything because everything has an equal chance for having happytimes in this place
Roxy may be starting to lose her sense of self as well, and with her knowledge on things and how’s she’s been described as immutable so far, I wouldn’t be surprised at her having easily and subtly slipped into Ultimate Self hood herself and just being really okay with the idea that there is no one true Roxy, that she is just one piece of many, and not like, needing to delve into that further, not needing to connect with all her alternate selves, happy just being singular but at the same time completely malleable
Oh! Baby time.
Oh fuck, Al!Calliope in Jade time.
Why is Callie so afraid of Alt!Callie? That didn’t come across in their meetings in Homestuck as much, so why is that different here?
Is it because of Jade’s earlier comment of “there can only be one instance of a person here” and Callie doesn’t think she can win against Alltie?
Also, all these instances of Alltie appearing in Jade’s body is making me worried Alltie is doing something to both of their Ultimate Selves, like she’s subsuming Jade somehow like Dirk is subsuming Rose
I mean, they are fighting one another, so if Dirk’s doing something she has to keep pace right? In her mind, it’s probably totally justified
this is getting long enough for this post though, off we go again but I’m still reading
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fuck-customers · 5 years
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summer after i graduated high school i got a job at my local zoo doing food service. i got assigned to the prep area where i was in charge of making all the grab and go snack cups/sandwiches/ salads, etc. i was the only one working there but honestly it was really nice cause i enjoy repetitive stuff and it didnt require actually interacting with customers. but the people there, oh my god they were so fucking awful they made the whole summer one of the worst of my life.
so for context, the building i was in was basically a big L shape. on one end there was a little restaurant that had burgers and fries, stuff like that. on the the other was an ice cream shop, and then i was squished into a little space in the middle. and i mean LITTLE. there were two fridges on one side of the room and a prep table on the other and just enough space in between to open the fridge doors.
(tw for suicide in this paragraph) the chef at the burger place was just fucking awful. he was pretty much your standard twenty five year old straight white guy who thought he was the king of the world for being head burger flipper at the zoo. he was so fucking rude to me all the time, he would just randomly come back into my area and start prepping his food back there instead of in his giant ass space, and he literally never once cleaned up after himself. but what was really bad about him was he loved to make suicide jokes. i was super depressed at the time, and there were a lot of nights id just spend the night in a haze thinking about whether i wanted to drive my car into the river on the way home. and his constant joking just made it so much worse, there was one night where he came back to put a knife away and said something along the lines of “man i want to slit my wrists with that” and i ended up having to leave early because i spent the next hour staring that knife down thinking about doing just that and eventually decided i had to get out or id hurt myself.
and then there was the girl in charge at the ice cream place. now im usually pretty reserved and like i said i was pretty depressed at this point so i was even more self isolating than usual. this girl seemed to take that as some sort of challenge and would. not. leave. me. alone. every fucking day she would stand in my prep area going “come on say something! say something i know you can talk just say something! at least smile why wont you smile!” usually the only thing this would accomplish was setting off my anxiety to the point where i physically could not speak even if i wanted to, not that she ever noticed or cared.
and then there was my boss, who just fucking hated my guts for absolutely no reason. even from when i first got hired, he just made my life as hard as he could. i was still in school when the job actually started, but there were only about six weeks before graduation and i was 18 at the time. for some reason though, he insisted that i needed a work permit and would not let me attend orientation without one. i had to leave, get a note from my school saying i was legally an adult and didnt need a permit, and then come back another day to fill out all the paper work i missed that night. then he scheduled the only two training days during school hours and refused to work around anyone’s schedule, which was just fucking stupid since half his work force was still in school. my mom was adamant about me getting perfect attendance, and she didnt even let me miss a day when i got pneumonia the year before so she sure as hell wasnt gonna let me skip for work, not when i was so close to that stupid four year perfect attendance plaque. my boss held this against me for the entire summer, no matter how much i worked. he was always rude to me and would always find the one thing i didnt do perfect even when i was completely slammed and just trying to keep my head above water. like i get we need need fruit cups dude but its memorial day weekend and im trying to make enough food for one of the top nationally rated zoos all by myself some things are just not a priority right now! he was also a big fan of abusing workers rights. the biggest one was i did not go one a single paid 15 the entire summer. even when pulling twelve hour shifts i got one 30 minute lunch break and that was it. i honestly had no idea paid 15s were even a thing, my previous job was very unconventional in the way it did breaks and i didnt really know my rights, so i had no idea that was even something i could ask for. still my ignorance doesnt excuse him from taking advantage of me like that. finally he ended up firing me right before the end of the season because of a schedule conflict with my new job. i was going to have to leave an hour early to get to my other shift which wouldnt be a problem had i been scheduled in the prep kitchen, because then i could have just whipped out some sandwiches and left, but he put me out on one of the snack stands. these stands were completely isolated from other employees, and you absolutely cannot leave because then your register is just completely unattended and your responsible if someone steals from it. he left me out there the whole day, none of the other employees came to check on me and everyone ignored my radio calls. finally i managed to get him out there and i told him i needed to leave. he said i could walk out and never come back or i could stay and finish the season. i wasnt a hard decision, the season ended in literally two weeks and my new job was a permanent position plus the paid me $5 more than the zoo. so bye bitch!
tldr; what could have been an awesome job was absolutely destroyed by some of the most awful people ive ever met
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Text
"Don't Tell Roger" (Maylor fic)
Part 2/?
AO3   PART 1  -   PART 3  -  PART 4
CHAPTER 2: DOES HE KNOW?
“Children will you shut up? My head is killing me” Freddie said while rubbing his forehead
“Yeah, I wonder why that is” Brian joked
“I’m sorry I’m late!” John shouted as he ran through the door
“Shhh!” Freddie was in a terrible mood, he left the room and went to get some painkillers
“What the hell is his problem?” John asked, weirded out
“Hungover” Brian said in a monotone voice
“Oh right, yeah I feel shitty too but I’m not acting like a little a prick” John replied rolling his eyes “Rog are you alright? Hungover too?”
“Hu? Oh no… I’m fine” Roger had been staring at the floor for some while now thinking about what Freddie said last night, he was probably taking Brian’s words out of context or something… But what if he wasn’t, did Brian like him back?
“Hey Rog, you’ve been acting really weird lately, are you sure you’re okay? John asked softly as he got closer to Roger
“Oh I’m okay Deaky, really, I just have a lot on my mind but it’s fine”
“Wanna talk about it?” John insisted, he’s a really good friend and is just trying to be there for his buddy
“Oh it’s not important, but I’m okay! I promise” It is actually quite important, but Roger would never even consider going anywhere near this topic.
“Okay boys let’s get started...” Freddie walked back into the room, making an effort to leave his hungover behind
~~~~~
The next week Queen was having a concert in Liverpool, Roger was acting like himself again, not letting his crush get in the way of the rehearsals, nor of his usual interaction with his friends.
The boys got to their hotel the day before the show, they were given a big sort of suite, that looked more like a flat with four separate bedrooms, each room has a bathroom, so the guys' privacy was nearly perfect, except for the fact that the walls were somewhat thin, but they could live with that.
In one side of the suite was Brian's room next to Roger's room, in the middle there was a very nice living room with a TV and in the other side there was Freddie's room and John's room, John had insisted on getting the room next to Brian’s because he’s not as noisy as Roger and Freddie, but Freddie didnt want to give up the view and Roger didn’t want to switch rooms with John for reasons he did not disclose, and ended up saying he wanted the view too. John was slightly upset and didn’t understand why Roger couldn’t just take him room as he had done many times before, but he just accepted that he had to bear with Freddie’s loudness for three nights, it wasn’t much, he would manage.
~~~~
After the show the boys were going for a night out, but first they needed a moment to freshen up and change their sweaty clothes.
“Hey dear, how are you doing?” Freddie said as he slowly entered John's room
“Good, just getting ready" John replied cheerfully
“Yeah I can see that! Looking good mate” Freddie smiled at John "I'll try not to get as drunk as last time" he continued
"That'd be nice" John said with a sassy smile
"Yeah I'm guessing you aren't looking forward to get me to bed again"
"Hu?" John gave Freddie a confused look, was he trying to make a sex joke?
"You know, when you drove me home and I was too fucked up to get to my own bed and you helped me walk there...?" Freddie continued in a sassy voice, wasn't it obvious what he was talking about? They were both there.
"Oh you certainly were too fucked up, since you don't remember it was actually Roger who took you home"
"Oh? I must have forgotten then!" Freddie replied, he was a bit confused, but if Deaky says it was Roger he must be right. But, wait... Didn't he mention...
"Ready?" Brian entered John's room followed by Roger "Sure! Let's go!" Freddie answered
They drove to the club they choose, Roger and John got there in Roger's car, since they wanted to get some cigarettes first. Brian and Freddie got to the club first in Brian's car, they got drinks for themselves and ordered two for their friends.
Once they were all there they danced for hours. Freddie was serious when he said he wouldn't get too drunk that night, he doesn't really like to get that hammered when they're out of town for a show. Roger on the other hand couldn't care less about where he is when he's partying, and tonight is no exception, he gets as wild as usual. Brian and John were up for some fun but they weren't really planning on going as crazy as Roger.
Brian was having a good time, and he was delighted seeing Roger move his body deliciously as he danced, he was certainly tuned on by this, Roger's cheeks were red from all the dancing, his long blonde hair was messy and slightly sweaty, and the blue shade of his eyes made it obvious that his pupils were dilated... Did Roger look like this during sex? Brian wondered and felt his member press against his jeans. He shook his head, as if this movement would shake off the thought, and he took another shot of vodka.
After a while Freddie noticed he was getting a little too tipsy, but he had a solution for that, he knew cocaine had this effect, it helped everyone sober up, no matter how drunk they were, it was always a solution if they had to drive or get on stage, or something. He got a tiny bag out of his jacket, took a bit of the white dust out and placed it on the table in front of him, he shaped the line and snorted it, he poked Rog's chest with his elbow and showed him another line he had prepared for him. Roger grinned and leaned forward to the table, he snorted the dose of cocaine and moaned a little, it felt so good.
Brian had used drugs on a few occasions, just like John, and of course he had used cocaine to sober up if it was an "emergency", but he's more fond of alcohol when he's partying, but he secretly liked watching Rog get his hit, even if he wouldn't encourage him to get high, he couldn't help but stare as Roger's nose wrinkled a bit, how hard he closed his eyes for a second, only to open them up again with enormous pupils, making his already big eyes look even bigger; right now he could notice Roger started breathing faster, and Bri found that quite arousing.
~~~~~
It was 2:30 am when Brian and Freddie decided to leave, they were exhausted and relatively sober. They started looking around for their friends, as usual. After ten minutes they found John dancing with a crowd of strangers. "Deaky we're going back to hotel, wanna come with us or would you rather stay" Brian asked gently pulling John to the side. "I'll come with you" John answered and left the crowd. "Hey Deaky, where's Roger?" Freddie asked with a concerned look, last time he saw Roger he was drinking more vodka and snorting more cocaine; and considering Rog's history of dangerous behavior, it was very worrying to have him out of sight, they looked for him all over the club and finally found him with a group of young men and women, taking shots as if it was water and dancing, his shirt was totally unbuttoned by now.
"Hey Rog! Rog!" Brian tried to be heard over the loud music "Fuck... Roger!" Freddie yelled, he finally heard them. "Oh hey! Come here! Join me!" he replied "Oh, we're actually going back to the hotel darling, come on let's go"
Freddie knew it wasn't wise to give Roger the option to stay there without supervision but of course he didn't want to leave "No! Guys go, I'll get there in a while" he insisted "Roggie, darling, I think it's best if you come with us" Freddie tried once more. "I'll be good I promise, I'll get there later".
Roger wasn't going anywhere and the rest of the guys knew it, but well, he's surrounded by people, besides he's not that drunk "Fine, we'll see you later, take care" Freddie smiled as he just gave up trying to argue with the most stubborn member of the group.
Roger kept partying, and as he was absolutely drunk he came up with a plan, he figured maybe Brian was jealous in the way Fred suggested, and if that was true maybe Roger could make him jealous once more to get Brian to maybe act on it and come forward telling Roger about his feelings.
It's not a great plan, it's not even a good plan, quite terrible actually, and kind of a dick move, but again, Roger is drunk, and he's desperate for some sign that Brian likes him back. He knows it's childish and it probably won't work but he might as well just try.
~~~~~
3:30 am
"Okay... So John didn't take me home that night... It was Rog" Freddie kept thinking to himself once he was in bed, he had been trying to get back his memories of that night, and he sure remembered telling John something about Brian and Roger... But it wasn't John... "Well yes, maybe l mentioned them but that doesn't mean I screwed up, I could've said just about anything" he tried to comfort himself, but he was certain he did screw up "besides Roger would've talked about that with me if I had revealed Brian's secret, or at least he would've behaved differently right?" He couldn't remember any sign from Roger that implied he knew. "Okay maybe I can talk to Roger, I wouldn't ask him directly of course, but maybe just... A casual conversation about that night, just to make sure I didn't say anything inappropriate" Freddie got out of bed and walked towards Roger's room, he knew Rog was probably awake anyways and he just couldn't stand this terrible doubt anymore.
He walked into the living room and he saw Brian standing there, with a sad look in his eyes, before Freddie could ask what was wrong he figured it out. He heard Roger loudly shagging someone in his room, both him and the girl were audibly moaning and the bed was making a lot of noise.
"Oh darling..." Freddie could see just how upset Brian was, his sad expression turned into frustration as he threw himself to Freddie's arms for a hug "oh Bri, wanna sleep in my room? I can sleep in yours. You won't hear this from there... I'll stay with you for a while if you want" Brian nodded "Alright, let's go" Freddie walked with Brian while still hugging him, Freddie knew he couldn't be mad at Roger, he's a single man, and him and Brian aren't together... He doesn't know this hurts Bri, how would he?
Freddie was right, Roger didn't know, that was not what he expected. He thought maybe the loud sex world turn Brian on and make him tell Roger that he wants him, or maybe he'd just get jealous and tell Roger he has a crush on him... He didn't really consider the possibility of this hurting Brian, he wouldn't have done any of this if he thought it could go this way.
"Bri, I realize this is a terrible moment but... I think I have to tell you something" Freddie said, almost whispering; if his voice was any quieter he wouldn't even hear himself.
Freddie was in his bed, lying on his back, hugging a pillow over his chest.
Brian was on the little sofa on Freddie's room, also on his back, his arms crossed over his face.
"Is something wrong?" Brian muffled through his arms, he was slightly worried about his friend's comment, but not enough to change his position.
"Don't be mad... I mean yes, you will mad... You can hit me once, if that makes it better" Freddie remember that time he hit Kash while playing and offered her to hit him back if she swore to not tell on him
"Fred..." Brian was sitting by now, leaning towards Freddie's bed, he was actually worried now
"Okay, so, remember last week, we went out, got drunk, all that" Freddie continued slowly
"Of course" Brian was getting impatient
"Well, it was Roger who brought me home and..."
"Did something happen between you two?" Brian could feel his heart beating fast and his stomach hurt
"Oh good lord, Brian no! Of course not" Freddie responded louder and faster this time, as he shook his head. "No, the thing is, I think I told him you like him Bri... I'm not sure, I could be wrong, of course..." Brian was pale, but he wasn't freaking out, as Freddie expected, he was silent "Bri?... Brian will you say something? Please... I'm sorry... Bri? Do you want to hit me? Do something for the love of God"
Brian wasn't angry, just embarrassed, and at the same time he was trying to make sense out of Roger's actions "He doesn't seem mad at me for liking him, and he hasn't been acting any different around me, maybe tonight Rog is just trying to hint me, about him liking girls, maybe he's to kind to say it to my face but wants to make it clear, it's never gonna happen between us"
"Bri..." Freddie's soft voice got Brian out of his overthinking trance "I'm really sorry, do you hate me?" Freddie's voice almost let Brian know he was desperate for an answer
"Oh Fred of course not, how could I ever hate you?, But I do need to ask, has Roger talked to you about it?" Freddie shook his head "Alright... Well, I'll just go on with life, I mean, if he knows and he chooses to shag some girl right in front of us all, that probably means he doesn't like me back, and is probably trying to let me know..." As Brian said that out loud he felt his heart breaking a little, a single tear rolled down his cheek "I'll just be my usual self around him, but I have to forget about that silly idea of Rog and I being together"
Freddie hated seeing Brian like this, if he was absolutely mad, or even crying over Roger, Freddie would know what to do, but right now he was lost for words. After a few minutes he managed to say something "Rog was drunk too, maybe he doesn't remember" he thought this possibility could make this better but by now Brian was convinced Roger didn't like him.
~~~~
Roger was lying in bed, he didn't really enjoy it; sure, the girl was hot and all, but he could only think of how different would it be with Brian... Kissing him, tangling his fingers on those adorable black curls, kissing and worshiping his entire body, and finally cuddling him and falling asleep holding his hand.
He wasn't gonna be rude to this girl, but he hoped she would leave soon, he just didn't want to be around her, he wanted to be with Brian. "This whole thing is stupid, I should've just told him I like him, this is ridiculous" he kept thinking
~~~~
The next morning the boys were having breakfast on the small living room, they had some coffee and doughnuts.
Roger walked out of his bedroom, the girl had left before anyone could see her, thank God.
"Good morning darling" Freddie greeted him, he was still a little confused about the entire Roger and Brian situation, but decided to just step back
"Fun night?" John continued, smirking at Roger, who just shrugged.
"Good morning boys" Roger said in a low voice as he sat down next to Brian "Good morning Bri" Rog was being really shy and careful. Brian just gave him an awkward smile.
As Brian was overthinking last night, he thought he could fix this whole thing, he just had to convince Roger he didn't actually like him, and that maybe, Freddie was just too drunk to make sense, and to achieve this he had to be his usual self, keep everything normal... Problem was, Brian isn't a good actor, so he just ended up being really awkward, and that smile made it clear.
"Hello, I uhm, I gotta go" Brian said and he stormed into his room.
The rest of the day was like that, if Roger was around Brian left. If Roger wasn't around, Brian would appear out of nowhere.
Everyone noticed, and everyone had a theory about it: John assumed they had some argument about a song or a music video or something, and they'd be back to normal soon.
Freddie thought Brian was mad at everyone and specially Roger, for having sex right there, even knowing about Brian's feelings, although Freddie wasn't so sure about Roger's version, so he choose not to judge.
Roger was mortified, had he fucked things up? Had his "ridiculous" plan worked and this was Brian being jealous? What if Brian never liked him to begin with?... He hoped they could have just talked about their feelings for each other, but now he just had to deal with it, and see where this goes.
~~~~
The boys were back home and Brian was still avoiding Roger, he would barely talk to him during rehearsals, left the studio as soon as they were over, and declined every invitation to go out with them.
Rog was getting too anxious about Brian's behaviour and he needed to know which one of the terrible scenarios he had created on his mind was correct, so he decided to ask Freddie if he knew what exactly was going on. He approached Freddie after a rehearsal, after Brian had obviously stormed out, as usual, and John too had left. Rog pretended to be doing something, awkwardly walking around the studio as he waited for the opportunity, and hoping John would leave before Freddie did. When it was finally a good time, Rog slowly walked up to Freddie.
"Hello Freddie" Rog poked his friend's arm and tried to give him the sweetest, most innocent smile.
"Hello dear" Freddie was a little weirded out by his friend's weird behaviour, "what does he mean hello? We've been together for hours now" he thought to himself
"What are you doing?" Roger continued, trying to figure out exactly what he should say
"Getting my coat?" Freddie smiled back at Roger
"Good, good"
"Okay, good-bye darling, see you tomorrow" Freddie got to the door
"No wait, uhm I want to ask you something. Uhm... Do you know what's going on with Brian?
Freddie sighed "Oh, Rog... That's really not something I should be talking about" He said as he slowly shook his head with a sad look.
"Freddie please"
"Darling why don't you ask him directly?"
"No, I can't, please just tell me"
"Rog... No, I'm sorry, I can't"
"Freddie" Roger was practically begging by now
"I can't, sorry love" Freddie walked towards the exit
"I... I think I love him, Fred" Roger said as soon as Freddie started walking
"What?" Freddie turned around again to face Roger
4 notes · View notes
corpo-rat · 6 years
Note
MARY idk if uve talked abt this before but what was violets relationship w/ julius like?? im super curious
KDSFHSDKF MICAH im so excited to talk abt this oh my god tysm….. also im so fucking sorry this took so long, i had way too much to say about it… ok so for context, violets canon playthrough order is vice kings > carnales > rollerz
…also, since its super obvious when reading this, i always wanted julius’ seemingly blatant distaste for johnny to have come into play in some form at like… any point in the series really. but since volition never went anywhere with it im taking it into my own lil gremlin hands
(background to this interpretation of julius)
in a word it was.. complicated. they were never close. when they met, julius was just looking for more recruits, the saints needed all the help they could get, but he thought he saw something in that skinny, terrified kid when him and troy saved her from being caught in the middle of a turf war. plus the kid owed him a life debt, and that aint a bad thing to have in his position. but, to violet… sure his speech about taking back the city to “save lives” was nice and all, but its not why she joined. she was homeless, starving, had nowhere to go and no options. she didnt even really have to think about the offer, becoming a saint just made sense. it was a step towards something, even if she didnt know exactly what it was, and so violet showed up in the churchyard the very next morning
from julius’ pov, violet took to fighting like a fish to water. capable, willing to do whatever it took, never talked back or questioned orders, and owed him their loyalty? to be honest she was basically the perfect little soldier. he thought this kid had a serious chance of being one of their key members… and he wasnt wrong. but in truth violet was terrified. when troy took her to buy a gun and had her kill someone for the first time with it, she managed to keep it together until she dropped him off and he was just out of sight. then she vomited all over the passengers seat of the car. the constant terror made it hard for her to sleep at night. a broken nose, bloody bandages over cuts from close calls with stray bullets, too many bruises to count and it didnt take long for her knuckles to become more scars than skin. for a while she was arguably more of a wreck than she was before she joined up
but at the same time, joining up improved things for violet. before this shed been sleeping in an alleyway, but now at night she could sleep in the church, and the other saints were friendly to her. then, when she got her first share of money? she went and bought herself a full meal and almost cried on the spot. soon, after pocketing as much cash as she could from dead rival gangsters wallets, she saved enough to get a loft right in saints row, and it was a shitty one, but she didnt fucking care. she loved that loft. from her point of view, julius was giving her the chance to save her own life. all she had to do in return was kill people for him. and she rationalized it to herself that way. if she had to kill other people to survive, then so be it
….and then violet began to realize how much of an adrenaline junkie she is, and holy fuck did she love to fight. if she had an opportunity to ditch the gun and just go in with a bat or even just her fists, she took it. the rush of risking her life became something she thought was fun. plus the respect she got as a saint? people were afraid of her, and she had anyone wearing purple on her side. the thrill, the power, the money, the loyalty… without her even really realizing it, running with gangs went from a means to an end to something that she enjoyed. but this change happens slowly, over the course of taking over stilwater. in truth, julius’ betrayal was what finally tipped her all the way
julius starts to hate her before they even finish off the vice kings. hed assigned her to helping out gat first, thinking even if dex was overseeing everything, their youngest lieutenant would need someone who could handle it if one of his crazy plans went south. but the trail of carnage and destruction violet and johnny left behind was the exact opposite of what julius wanted. he thought itd be over once the VKs were finished and he could assign violet to working with another (more stable) lieutenant, but after gat had taken that shotgun blast to the knee to help the kid escape and shed gone in alone to save him, the two were practically attached at the hip. the kid would follow gat around like a lost puppy, and the only person johnny spent more time with than violet was his girlfriend. then, once tanya was dead, he overhears a rumor that the supposedly mute kid could not only talk, but she would only speak to johnny or aisha. apparently gat had gone asking around if the kid had spoken to anyone else before him, and thats how everyone found out (gat was slightly offended when he found out violet spoke to aisha first, long before vi made that horrible hepatitis joke to him, and aisha had been keeping it a secret for her)
julius had never liked gat, he didnt care about ending the gang wars and was only there because he was bloodthirsty and lived for violence. and now he and the kid julius was becoming increasingly cautious of were feeding off of each others recklessness. not only were those two a volatile mix, but it seemed like julius was losing control of playa because of it… and that was bad news for him
johnnys sidelined, and banned from helping with any moves against the carnales and rollerz. julius told him it was because of his injury, which they both knew was a bullshit reason; hed been fucking up the vice kings just fine even with his messed up knee. gat did not take it well, and there was a shouting match that violet walked in on. vi was upset of course, her and gat were friends now and she liked running missions with him, but she wasnt going to argue. even if playa didnt understand julius’ decision, she didnt question him, but there was a lot of tension between johnny and julius after that, especially when it seemed like julius was actively trying to keep vi and johnny away from each other. anytime theyd hang out at the church, if julius saw them together you could feel the tension fill up the room, and more often than not hed just send violet out with some bullshit orders. the two quickly learned to hang out away from the church after that
by the time the carnales are history and theyre gunning for the rollerz, julius knows how badly he fucked up. thinking he could start a new gang, and control it? he was naive. theyd taken over almost all of stilwater, but at what cost? how much of the city had they destroyed along the way? and at the center of all that carnage was violet. the more of the city they take over because of her, the more disgusted she makes julius. he needed to stop the saints, stop her, but he has to do it carefully. if anyone realized it, or that he was trying to get playa killed, the gang would turn on him in an instant. the rest of the saints idolize playa, and they all know shes a big part of the reason for their success. if anything happened to julius, the gang would rally around violet, and he knows it
at first he was just sending her into risky situations because of the faith he had in her, but for a while now hed been sending her on straight up suicidal tasks on purpose, hoping someone would finally just take her out before she caused any more harm or became even more of a problem. but she just keeps coming back. doesnt matter if its just her against an entire stronghold of god knows how many seasoned gang members, shell walk out only a little worse for wear. julius starts to wonder just how terrifying this kid is, and all the while violet never even notices that julius is doing this, shes just doing what shes told. hes all praise whenever they speak, trying to keep her placated. troy notices the risks julius always seems to take with violet, but he just thinks julius is putting too much faith in the kid and driving her too hard. he starts trying to look after vi in his own ways to make up for it (thats how they become friends) but he never realizes julius’ true intentions until its far too late
vi and lin are flying solo now, with almost no help from the other lieutenants. julius makes it look like hes putting more faith in violet, no more kid gloves. of course vi and lin get in over their heads like that, and when lin gets killed and vi ends up in the hospital, julius wishes to god that she had just drowned in the river with lin
and then, soon after, its done. the vice kings, the carnales, the rollerz, theyre all a memory. the saints own the whole damn city, or whatevers left of it. and then julius gets arrested, and he finds out troy is a cop, and julius knows its all over…. but troy offers him a deal: get johnny and playa out, and he can walk. he gets the idea right there, to kill violet himself. theres no way shes going to stop, and julius knows it
violet knew driving over to the dock that she was walking into a trap, but if it was to get julius back, it didnt really matter. shed already murdered a major public figure and the chief of police trying to get him back, shooting her way out of another situation almost seemed pretty fuckin mild at that point. so it doesnt surprise her when hughes’ men surround her; no, what does surprise her is the sudden loud beeping, the confused look on hughes face, and something in her gut screaming at her to run. whether it was the wall of henchmen between her and the explosion, or the split second before the bomb went off that she used to rush forward and leap just over the railing that saved her life there, shes never sure. maybe it was both. either way, the burns scarring her back for the rest of her life show she didnt get off scot-free
five years later, and within 24 hours of waking up and breaking out of prison, shes already visited the police station and listened to the tapes. and once shes heard them, violet is seething. she did EVERYTHING for julius, became a murderer, risked her life, followed all his orders without question! and he took five years of her life away! tried to take all of it away! something in her just snaps, and she sets up the meeting with dex that same night
julius thought hed be meeting up with dex, but in truth he isnt surprised to see violet instead; hed been dreading the possibility of this day since he first learned that shed survived the explosion. but even so, even after what he did, it quickly becomes obvious that julius genuinely doesnt believe that violet will follow through with payback. and violet is livid, feels like somebody hollowed her insides out and theres nothing but anger under her skin anymore. despite everything he doesnt know her at all, still thinks shes this loyal little teenager who will do whatever shes told. a dog on a leash, because he never learned that she could be more than that, that she was more than that
and then, hearing him hold himself over her? violet knows who she is and whats she done, shes under no illusions about that. but hearing julius somehow think hes the good guy, that hes morally better than her after everything he did, everything he ordered her to do… it adds a whole new level of hatred. not to even mention how he tries to leverage saving her life over her again, after shed MORE than paid back that debt. thats the last straw, and she kills him. never regrets that choice for a single second for the rest of her life
after that, violets just… angry. shes like that for years. julius took everything good she ever had away from her, and every person she kills is another “fuck you” to his memory. gang member, cop, civilian, she doesnt care anymore. julius wanted to save the city from her? good. shell burn the whole fucking thing down just to spite him
she doesnt get over that for a long time
21 notes · View notes
comicteaparty · 6 years
Text
August 23rd, 2018 CTP Archive
The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on August 23rd, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Pathways: Chronicles of Tuvana by Elaine Tipping.
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✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
COMIC TEA PARTY START!
Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning~! Today we are discussing Pathways: Chronicles of Tuvana by Elaine Tipping~! (http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/) For those new or in need of a reminder, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question for participants to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer! If you miss out on any though, they’ll be pinned for the duration of the chat once they’re posted~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comic~! All that being said, let’s get started and have a great discussion!
QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?
snuffysam
the most recent couple pages are my favorite
"help me!" hides under cape
Kabocha
Ufufufu. Actually I'm really enjoying the current scene and chapter with Atawn trying to escape. Both he and this guard are in for an adventure... Also, the guard is such a good egg. I hope we find out their name soon.
Respheal
The guard is a good friend
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah i loved the cape thing. mostly cause i appreciate any cape that is big enough to hide a whole person
Respheal
I liked finding the people in the cave because that was the first bit where I was really like "Go on....-scoots forward in seat-"
Kabocha
The stakes are super high, too. Like, I'm already super into the adorable scholar character type, so I want to protect him. I'm a little bit surprised how quickly things escalated. (Well, not really)
YES
I wonder what the deal is
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2595217/pathways-58/ We know they're considered Gods now, but it's like. ........ All right, so....... how doomed is everyone, and how many survivors are there going to be out of the researchers, not counting Atawn
snuffysam
doomed from the gods or doomed from getting their camps burned?
Kabocha
It's DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Does it really matter? I mean, Zealots are gonna zealot....
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
unless the zealots arent zealoting and just know more and are trying to save everyone from the scourge that is their spooky gods
TriaElf9
Eee I'm glad people like the cape bit, I'm so happy we hit it before this chat happened ^_^
🎵Tenor🎶
IDK if ill be back in time but wanted to say I love the story and art and I have so many speculations. Love its presentation and eager 4 more
Kabocha
@✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨ ...Good point. That would be a twist XD
"OUR GODS ARE AWFUL, WE WANTED THEM TO REMAIN BURIED AND DEAD"
snuffysam
"nobody leaves" sounds like a fun way to save people
as does setting their tents on fire
Respheal
My first impression is that the Akarna aren't awful? I didn't get that sorta vibe from them.....in what little we've seen
But yeah, zealots gonna zealot
Kabocha
What types of gods command you to light things on fire?!
The best ones
.......or the worst ones, if they're living things
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
well tbf they couldve lit the tents on fire while the scholars were inside
legit that is what i expected when atawn turned the corner
to just have on fire ppl everywhere
>_>
Respheal
Hahaha kinda x'D
That woulda been baaaaaaaaaaad
As if the situation isn't bad enough as it is
Kabocha
you mean they're not planning to do that now?
I mean, they realized Atawn escaped, if he gets caught, he's SUPER dead
and so is the guard, I'm sure
Respheal
.....probably
They certainly don't want this info leaving
Kabocha
Yeahhhhhhh
Respheal
Makes me wonder if they have some more "humane" way of not letting the information leave
Since clearly the books aren't leaving this camp
(Mind wiping? I dunno lol)
Kabocha
What is the magic like in this world, I wonder :3
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i think they mentioned they were gonna lock them up
so just eternal prison
forever
Respheal
Oh
Kabocha
They're going to get tired of feeding them at some point
TriaElf9
Yeah I will note, that big tent was the main research tent, so essentially they burnt all the information that'd been collected
And yeah, they have indeed started the clock on that, where it leads, we'll have to see ^_-
Kabocha
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
TriaElf9
TELL ME ABOUT IT it's very hard to not just blurt it all out AHHHH
Respheal
x'D
It was smart to tell Atawn to just memorize everything though
Kabocha
I'm not at the point in the comic where I can start spouting conspiracy theories. I MUST KNOW MORE
Respheal
Good bit of foresight there
Kabocha
or am I
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
plot twist: everyone just goes home and lives happily ever after, no deaths. and the bad guys pay for the damages.
TriaElf9
I want to know the theories!!
AHAHAH perfect, it's just festivals and parties until the end
Respheal
All I know is I'm in the "An Akarna person joins the party" party
Kabocha
Ahahahaha
The Guard's actually a spy
Respheal
Wakey, wakey, Akarna person, you've overslept by like a thousand years
Kabocha
He's infiltrated the Mikarna, and is looking to get information out about their gods, and the TRUTH about the Akarna's sudden disappearance
The truth being they have a secret magitek that was sealed away -- because they threatened the world. The other countries engaged in a war with them resulting in a pyrrhic victory... and forcing the Akarna underground for millenia...
.................................And they all had cake
TriaElf9
mmmm cake
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
well at least cake denotes a happy ending O_O
Kabocha
That's the terrible Magitek secret the Akarna had. A killer cake recipe.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
the one cake to rule them all
snuffysam
there's a reason they call it death by chocolate
Kabocha
GASP
TriaElf9
AHAH ^_^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
aside from the guards since were still on favorite scene i want to mention i really enjoyed the festival montage. it was nice seeing all the activities, and i think the fireworks at the end really tied it all together with some beautiful imagery
Kabocha
A shame they're going to soon be embroiled in an international incident
TriaElf9
Aww, yay! ^_^
eheh
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
well we have to have calm before the storm O_O so ill take what calm i can get
Kabocha
I'm sure there'll be plenty of nice, calm moments
TriaElf9
I actually drew all that after having gone through festival season here, as well as a fireworks festival, so I had a lot of places to draw from for inspiration ^_^
Kabocha
enough for us to get attached to all of the adorable characters
Awww
TriaElf9
OH yes, I want to show the world through down-time as well as the AHHH time ^_^ it can't all be AHHHH or we'd get tired
Kabocha
YES
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i also wanna say i really love that one doublepage where you see the crowd and the wall. i really love that huge sense of scale that makes you go "dang those walls are some marvel of architecture."
Kabocha
The color illustrations for pathways are a treat, too
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2534068/chapter-2-the-dig/ Like, even though this is based in what could be a very brown landscape, the reds and greens add such a nice warmth to it, and the cool blues for shading are just pleasant
TriaElf9
Fun fact, that city is actually the smallest of the main cities in Tuvana ^_-
And I'm glad that page came out well, it took foreeeveerrrrrrr
Kabocha
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2622607/chpt-3-attack-on-the-camp/ ...To be honest, it took everything in me not to start throwing fire puns when this page came out
Respheal
Do it
Unleash the puns
Kabocha
It's so serious in context, I can't help but make fire jokes
TriaElf9
I love how it was all "yeah, I'm gonna start this comic, it'll be great! I'll just start with....a massive festival... with thousands of people WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i demand fire puns
Respheal
They are both very nice cover pages
Ha! xD
TriaElf9
omh puns are the best
Kabocha
This cover page is HOT -- have you seen it yet?!
TriaElf9
HEHEH
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
beautiful
serious context is even more reason for puns
gotta defuse that tense situation
TriaElf9
so true
Kabocha
The Mikarna really brought the heat!
My passion for this comic cannot be extinguished!
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
but puns aside i do think the chapter covers are really nice. its some immensely beautiful coloring.
TriaElf9
Ah, Miakarna ^_^
but yes, they did bring the heat eheh
aww, thank you! ^////^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
masterpieces. kabo just gonna have to make a book of puns to story situations
Kabocha
Things are really heating up for the researchers... ....You could say it's... in tents...
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
the holy head guy was like "you need to put the heat on." miakarna set the tents on fire. holy head guy like "I DIDNT MEAN LITERALLY"
Kabocha
PFFFF
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
QUESTION 2. After discovering the supposed Akarna, things go downhill for the scholars at the ruins rather quickly. Do you think that Atawn will manage to escape? If he does, will he actually manage to make it somewhere safe, or will he be pursued and captured eventually anyway? Where will Atawn even go? Why do you think that Miakarna guard is helping Atawn, and will the guard suffer consequences for helping later on? Will Atawn’s records be of use, and if so how? What do you think will happen to the other scholars that Atawn left behind? Lastly, what do you think will be the consequences for the Miakarna regarding their actions? Will they spark a potential war, or will their declaration of the scholars being profane be allowed to stand?
Kabocha
Someone told the Mikarna to light a fire under someone's ass to get all the research disposed of -- they probably weren't meaning literally
TriaElf9
Oh man, all great questions!!!
snuffysam
maybe this whole thing is a misunderstanding. maybe the miakarna are fine with discovering religious secrets, they just don't like holes in the ground.
Kabocha
@snuffysam -- like Trypophobia, just on a large scale?
where there's one hole with people in it, there might be another
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
holes are like graffiti of the earth
cant have hoodlums adding their graffiti
snuffysam
my hope is that atawn and the guard become best buddies and escape to visit taria and friends. and then the gang has a bunch of misadventures in an attempt to quell a brewing holy war.
Kabocha
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2610497/pathways-62/ Well, Rykhana'i will probably not take this well. "Oh, yeah, we uh, lost one of your guys, and burnt all their research. No you can't visit them. NO. THEY'RE TOTALLY FINE"(edited)
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
this is assuming they can get word out. which tbh i do think they can
i think atawn will make it
with the guards help
Kabocha
we can hope
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i believe O_O
although i dont think the guard is going to be safe in the long run
Kabocha
Is the guard already raising death flags for you?
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yes
ankoart
Atawn's gonna escape, but probably be pursued as he tries to tell others about what he's seen. A man on the run! The guard is gonna join him cause he probably knows shady stuff is afoot and feels guilty just standing by and doing nothing. He seems like the thoughtful type, and he probably became a guard to protect and serve others, not deceive them.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
super death flags
the guard is a profaner O_O
Kabocha
To be honest, I think Atawn's more likely to be injured badly and have to adapt, the guard will be fine long-term.
ankoart
-hugs the guard- don't you touch him
TriaElf9
eats popcorn, grinning
Kabocha
oh no
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah i do get the impression the guard has a kind soul at least and is becoming disillusioned
which good for the guard
Kabocha
I still think the guard's a spy
TriaElf9
WHY CAN'T I DRAW THE COMIC FASTERRRR so many parts to get toooo
Kabocha
AHAHAHAHAHAH
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
someone on the inside should be thinking "maybe its us who are the bad guys"
TriaElf9
"are we the baddies?"
ankoart
Maybe the real baddies are the friends we made along the way
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
LOL the plot twist of the century
Kabocha
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2550453/pathways-43/ I dunno, Guard totally knows who the baddies are. They're very observant
OH NO ANKO
@TriaElf9 -- ....how long until we find out the Guard's name
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
in regards to the other scholars i also see death flags over them. like i think for now theyll be locked up. but then ya know, public executions of the profane and all that to set an example
im gonna burst out laughing if the guard's name is "Guard"
Kabocha
As soon as Atawn finds a place to stop and write a letter, there's going to be a newspaper or something: "SCHOLARS FIRED"
TriaElf9
AHAH
Respheal
> FIRED
Why
Why do you do this
TriaElf9
We'll learn more about the guard soon, I've drawn those pages already, it's just a matter of getting to them in the posting schedule ^_-
extra extra, read all about it! ^_^
Kabocha
@TriaElf9 appreciates my awful, awful jokes
ankoart
It's good to have things to look forward to reading soon!
Respheal
The guard seems smart, so I imagine they'll make it out of this alright I don't foresee them following the narrative much though? But that's just my guess
TriaElf9
I'm trying to build a buffer, so I'm like a bunch of pages ahead, so I keep getting surprised when I check the site and we're not there yet lol
Kabocha
Aaaaaaa I know this feeling. XD But that's okay
So, so far, I can group everyone in this comic into two distinct groups: "Adorable Characters I must protect" and "Flamethrowers"
Respheal
Yes xD
TriaElf9
EHEH
ankoart
I get the feeling they're gonna be joining the narrative to stay~
Kabocha
Actually, you know.... Could we call this event the start of a... flame war?
TriaElf9
I think the other question is, how is this all going to affect Atawn really ^_-
AHAHAHAH
Respheal
istg
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i feel the guard will be around for a while at least. the guard will rise to help again O_O
atawn will be fine. no years of therapy needed or anything
Kabocha
Yep
Respheal
Oh yeah I imagine the guard'll be back at some point if we do part ways with them now
TriaElf9
no survivor's guilt or anything NAH
Kabocha
definitely no therapy necessary never
Respheal
Ahahahaha poor Atawn x'D
Kabocha
Y'all should look at the vote incentive
snuffysam
atawn and the guard get captured. the rest of the comic is taria and gang doing something completely different.
Respheal
Wait
Waaaaaaaaaaaait
the person behind Atawn
TriaElf9
Oh yeah, my full cast art reveals a lot lol
Respheal
I rescind my remarks; Guardfriend joins the gang
Kabocha
GuardFriend is even more adorable without the helmet
TriaElf9
tho it takes the context of connecting faces and people eheheh
excelleennnttt ^_^
Kabocha
+10 want to protect score
Respheal
Also I do really love the umbrella idea with that art. So cute!
ankoart
I wanna know more about the dragons. Everyone deserves dragon cuddles.
Kabocha
YES OH GOODNESS
the dragons are freakin' CUTE
Respheal
Shvir is a good noodle friend
TriaElf9
I also wanted to do a pride yukata picture, but I just didn't have time that month, sadly
Kabocha
How large do the dragons grow?
TriaElf9
a full cast of 8 characters turned out to be murder on the hands lol
they vary in size
they can be tiny to massive
Kabocha
Oooh
ankoart
I need one
Alakotila
Just in time for the cute dragon talk!!
TriaElf9
I haven't much gotten into the dragon stuff yet, but a few people picked up on some of it during the first chapter
eyy, dragon talk! welcome! ^_^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
the dragons were cute but i was curious why all the royalty seemed to have them
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
pant pant pant
Sorry I'm late!
snuffysam
maybe just a popular pet
a popular, expensive pet
Respheal
I suspect there's more to it than that
TriaElf9
more popcorn and grinning
Kabocha
I imagine there's some sort of bonding
ankoart
Yeah they seem like more than just "pets." Companion seems a better word
TriaElf9
Companion is a very good word for it ^_^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Heehee~
So i see you're the creative mind that made this comic, aren't ya Tria?
ankoart
I'd like to know how they find each other, dragons and their people.
TriaElf9
I am indeed ^_^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Heehee, pleased to meet ya~
TriaElf9
and I'm having such a hard time not just like spilling all the beaannnssss
Kabocha
Are you cackling like mad?
ankoart
Oh no, all these beans!
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
maybe its both. maybe the dragons are companions...but also expensive pets O_O
TriaElf9
cackling ^_^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
A 500 dollar pet?
Kabocha
Don't spill the beans, they're needed for setsubun
TriaElf9
very true, gotta keep those oni out
I will drop that size of dragons is actually a plot point, there is a reason to size ^_-(edited)
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
oooh?
Kabocha
Ooooh
Interesting...
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Are you hiding something from us?
Kabocha
............................................................................ HMMMMMMM
Well, yes, that's the point of telling a story :'3
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Ye~
Kabocha
things are hidden from the reader and gradually revealed
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
And I like that there's dragons that are friendly to each other
TriaElf9
it's not a huge thing, really, but there are layers to it ^_^
Respheal
It's definitely just the royal people that have dragon companions, since a merchant recognized them as royalty for having dragon companions
A pact, mayhaps?
ankoart
The bigger the dragon the gayer you become
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hmm, Ice Candy
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i feel like it must be related to magic somehow. but thats all i got on that one. need to see the dragons more.
Kabocha
It's interesting that royalty is easily able to walk amongst their people. Must be a pretty peaceful country.
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
As a food enthusiast I need to know exactly what kind fo treat it is
Is it like water ice but with bigger chunks of ice?
Kabocha
It'd be a shame if the Mikarna did something....
TriaElf9
Oh Ice Candy is similar to shaved Ice ^_^
snuffysam
might just be a funny way to say sno cone
yup got it in one
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Heehee
I was thinking of having a snow cone earlier lol
TriaElf9
they call it kakigori at festivals here
and it's one of my go to favs, so I had to include it of course eheheh
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
You live in Japan?
TriaElf9
I do! ^_^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
That's epic! I always wanted to see what living there was like but I'm too afraid to leave my own home XD It's got everything I could want, but I digress
Kabocha
http://i.imgur.com/sZQnzuA.jpg This, I feel, is an accurate representation of the Mikarna. But, y'know, with fire
Respheal
snrk
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
And I love that the dragons share the treats with their masters~
ankoart
Haha, cat reaction posts are always best
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
So many food vendors too at this fair in the first chapter
Respheal
A cat dragon
snuffysam
i feel like fairs generally have a lot of food vendors?
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea
though some just serve lots and lots of fast food
and it's usually the same stuff every time
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
tbf in the comic its the harvest festival
TriaElf9
the dragons are very cat for sure ^_^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
and well
harvest
food is implied in the name O_O
snuffysam
you know what my favorite thing to harvest is?
ice
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
You have a good point there
TriaElf9
It's basically a matsuri
ankoart
lol
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
>harvesting ice
Kabocha
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2521877/pathways-8/ EVERYONE MUST ATTEND AND HAVE FUN
TriaElf9
it's a festival to celebrate a time or a thing, but they also have staple foods at these things
Kabocha
actually, Shvir's expression is just Way too cute there
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
like the aforementioned candy ice?
wondering what flavors they have there too
TriaElf9
various Tuvana fruits flavors probably
also, I am that servant, and Taria is deffo people trying to get me to stop working and GO TO THE DARN MATSURI lol
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i feel like being told its a royal order is a gurantee to not have fun. too much pressure. starts running around forcefully laughing saying, "AM I HAVING FUN NOW!?"
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
In the end it's all about the matsuris
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
QUESTION 3. At the beginning of the comic we are introduced to Taria, Dhiren, and Quinel, royalty far detached from the current situation at the ruins. What do you think their overall roles in the story will be? Will they deal with the situation at the ruins personally, have heavy involvement in the political arena regarding the Miakarna, or will they be involved in some other way? Will Dhiren successfully have his ceremony to celebrate the promise of Cova’t with Jorah, or will the situation with Miakarna throw those plans into disarray? Will Quinel’s role at the House of Healing be significant, and do you consider it foreshadowing of something to come? What about Taria? Will her fighting skills come into play, her apparent charity, or something else?
snuffysam
i think they'll be among the first to find out about the tent-burning
TriaElf9
AHH EVEN MORE GOOD QUESTIONS
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
That's our Rebel!
snuffysam
atawn manages to escape and gets word to them somehow
TriaElf9
Given that Taria and Atawn are from the same country, that's a good bet ^_-(edited)
snuffysam
and honestly quinel being a healer could factor in right then and there
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Maybe~
snuffysam
i doubt he'll escape without a scratch
Kabocha
Taria strikes me as an action princess, so she's going to want to be out there to check on things. I wonder if she knows Atawn though?
Yeah, Quinel's going to be very useful... ............."Yeah, we'll dispatch our best healers to help" ...."Everyone's dead."
TriaElf9
I wonder what the state of necromancy-like magic is in Tuvana? ^_-
Kabocha
.................
OH NO
TriaElf9
This could mean everything OR NOTHING
cackles more
Kabocha
They're going to end up pod people! and then there to wage war against their own peoples!
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
quinel for resident necromancer
Kabocha
NO
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Finally, I binged all the way to the end so far!
Respheal
Just need a lot of diamonds.........#dnd(edited)
TriaElf9
We also have 3 more characters to meet ^_-
Kabocha
I object to this! Atawn strikes me as much more likely to approach Necromancy from a scholarly point of view.
TriaElf9
I can't wait for chapter 4 ahhhhhhhh
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
3 more to meet, you say? :3
TriaElf9
so many diamonds
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
quinel's healing will be useful tho. healers are always useful.
Alakotila
hohohoho
TriaElf9
need that revial spell lol
Alakotila
I guess I can't say anything there
Kabocha
OH DEAR
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Made it for the second hour. ^.^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
hey math~!
Kabocha
ALAKOTILA KNOWS SPOILERS
TriaElf9
woo, welcome! ^_^
OH RIGHT
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I also like Atawn's water-generating ability
Alakotila
EDITOR IN THE HOUSE
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
also HEY MATH!
TriaElf9
MY EDITOR KNOWS THINGSS
Kabocha
:'3
Respheal
That was handy xD "Oh, no access to water....welp. -generates water-"
Alakotila
that was a whole ton of good questions up there Rebel!
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
speaking of the water-generating ability i was super stoked to see magic used for something practical like that
thank you
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Oh, you're the editor of this here story?
Alakotila
yeah! that was awesome!
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Hmm, so the royalty will probably have to try and calm down the populus when they see all the smoke from the fire.
snuffysam
how far away is the site?
Alakotila
just the copy editor! all fabulousness is created by @TriaElf9 !
Respheal
I imagine the camp is pretty far away
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
There is hydrogen and oxygen in the air, just need the magical bonds.
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Sometimes mundane is all you need
And nice X3
Kabocha
If you really want it to explode, just break those bonds
TriaElf9
yes, they check me on my very over use of commas and my rambling ahah
Kabocha
and uh ....add a spark
ahahahah
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
lol
TriaElf9
Yeah the camp is pretty far and surrounded mostly by mountains
we'll see more of the land in the next upcoming bit
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Oh Tria, I have a small idea for the sit if you're the one that made/coded it(edited)
Kabocha
Rumors of the scholars' fate may spread like wildfire once Atawn escapes....
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
so i feel like war is for sure brewing and theyll have to try and stop it. cause at the very least i think this current discovery is gonna make the miakarna invade all the ruins which iirc are spread out on all four lands
TriaElf9
and I'm glad you're liking the magic! I'm really proud of the system and can't wait to share more ^_^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yea, it's really good magic~!
Kabocha
The Akarna ruled the world with their cake recipes!
Alakotila
CAKE
Kabocha
I mean, they were considered Gods... OF BAKING
TriaElf9
Oh and no, I have loads of help on the site, I'm useless at those things lol
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Lol, alright then
ankoart
Now I wanna make cake
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Cause I thought of suggesting using the arrow keys to navigate through pages
instead of just clicking the page
also
DID SOMEONE SAY CAKE?
TriaElf9
I always want cake, I went out and got cake during last night's typhoon
Kabocha
Ooooh, what kind of cake though
ankoart
-stares at bag full of ingredients to make ace dessert- maybe I'll finally do that this weekend
Respheal
....-wants cake now-
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I got italian ices during a bad thunderstorm
Alakotila
that's pretty extreme cake getting lol
TriaElf9
I think the arrows do navigate?
snuffysam
this... this is the true power of the Akarna!
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
They take the cake.
TriaElf9
I got strawberry shortcake b/c of course ^_^
Kabocha
I think Justin means using the arrow keys on the keyboard
TriaElf9
ooooh
ankoart
YOU BOUGHT CAKE DURING THE TYPHOON? (Haha I thought about stopping by a conbini actually but I was actually soaked)
Kabocha
That... might be doable...
TriaElf9
I have no idea if SJ has the ability to do that ^_^;;
Respheal
It does, I can link ya
Kabocha
throw it at me
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Back on fave scene, I just wanted to mention I liked the bit near the start where it looked like as the people were meeting back up, so were the dragons. That was just a nice little detail. Hadn't expected different breeds of dragon.
Alakotila
the dragons are wonderful
TriaElf9
oooh I love that bit!
Kabocha
Shvir is like... a noodle cat dragon
TriaElf9
and yes, I wanted to vary dragon types ^_^
Kabocha
also the meeps are great
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I wonder how many dragon species total exist
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
And in terms of theories, when they first found the door, I wondered if they'd open it and that high priest guy would just be sitting there with a TV. And he'd go, "Well damn, you found my tech man-cave. Now I have to kill you."
Did not expect the frozen gods.
TriaElf9
EHEH
Kabocha
Are they frozen or just... On ice?
TriaElf9
pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Ice see what you did there.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i expected religion breaking secrets but not frozen gods
Kabocha
It looks vaguely computerized. They need an IT person to come in and take a look before the whole system freezes up
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
for a sec I thought they were mummified
ankoart
They're taking a long nap. I relate to them.
TriaElf9
Also, dragon-wise, so far we've met Tova, Shvir and Var ^_^
snuffysam
the secret is that's where candy ice comes from!
the frozen gods!
ankoart
Ice candy, god flavor
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Interesting that the most important God was at the top, as opposed to at the bottom. Is it really safe up there? Is that also where the power is being generated? (And are they "on ice" in a magical way or a tech one?)
snuffysam
"And are they "on ice" in a magical way or a tech one?" is there really a significant difference?
Kabocha
The ice treats are like soylent green
Respheal
por que no los dos?(edited)
Magitek cryostasis
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Well, this is mostly a magical world, but that area was only recently getting magic, hence the desert. Maybe there's an incompaitiblity... or maybe all the magic was being absorbed by the stasis tubes. So could make a difference for plot.
TriaElf9
oh mannnn I'm loving this AND equally tortured that I can't say anything aHAHAH
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hmmmm
You're onto something Math
TriaElf9
I'll be dropping more in chapter 4, so look forward to that ^_-
snuffysam
yeah i'm just saying that in this world, it seems like magic has a big impact on technology, and vice versa
TriaElf9
I wish there was a plotting emoticon
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Gotcha.
Maybe the dragons are actually mechanical beings.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah i feel like its significant that it looks like theyre being preserved by technology in a world where there isnt a lot of technology around or so it seems
TriaElf9
I will say some of the things people have said today are indeed on the right track
now the question is WHICH of the things muhahahah
Alakotila
hmmm yes
where did the tech come from?
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I wonder that as well
Respheal
Aliens
Alakotila
ALIENS
Kabocha
They're gods because of the tech!
TriaElf9
that's another emoticon we need
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
"What solved the world crisis?" "Aliens."
Kabocha
any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic!
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
The shipping of Atawn and that Guard is the right track, yes? Surely someone already proposed that?
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Always blame it on them
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
The Gods are actually aliens. They crash landed here and decided to seal themselves away from the cavemen until there was a decent enough civilization to rule over.
Alakotila
setting ships sailing is fun
snuffysam
actually i don't think anyone mentioned the atawn x guard ship
Kabocha
They gave people enough to get started, then went into stasis until they could take over
snuffysam
even though it's a pretty good one
TriaElf9
I've gotten some comments on the comic about it, but not here yet
Kabocha
"Yeaaaaaaaaaaah, your world isn't comfortable enough... we'll be back when you make it better..."
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
snuffy: Glad I corrected that oversight then.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i feel the atawn x guard ship is just obvious is all. they got all them googly eyes going.
Kabocha
Ahahaha, right?
Alakotila
LOL rebel
Kabocha
but more than anything, I want to protect them both
Alakotila
do they
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Rebel: Maybe the Guard has a nice sister he wants to marry off, who knows.
Alakotila
I gotta look closer for the googly eyes
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"I want a smart guy, but not a guy who's TOO smart. The scholar who dehydrates himself will do nicely."
TriaElf9
AHAHAH
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
no the lol part is to the fact i now cant unpicture them with googly craft eyes glued to their eye lids.
http://www.hobbycraft.co.uk/supplyimages/564756_1000_1_800.jpg
ya know those kind
TriaElf9
dehydration is definitely something to look for in an SO
Alakotila
oh so those kinds
yeah
I can see how that would give the ship away
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
"Stay hydrated!!"
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"You know where there's some moisture? In mah mouth..."
TriaElf9
PFFT
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"I have a spell though." "Oh, well fine."
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
thats gonna be the guard's best selling pick up line book
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
In terms of the fact that there's new characters we haven't met - there's four kingdoms who can lay claim to that one area, right? And we've seen two of them...? Maybe there will be counterpoints to Taria. (Or is Dhiren already one?)
Like, they'll have a Summit.
TriaElf9
Dhiren and Quinel are from another kingdom yeah
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
dhiren and quinel are both from kuvar
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
I really want to see the other kingdoms now that you mention it
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
I am SO bad with names.
TriaElf9
The only one we've yet to see is Durhan
lol me too, and I wrote them ahah
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
this is why notes exist
especially when you got a billion fantasy names
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"There's these four kingdoms, uh... A B C and D."
TriaElf9
I changed the spelling on a few, and I keep getting confused eheh
yuup, I have so many lore notes ehehe
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Do they speak different languages in the different kingdoms, I wonder?
Or is magic the universal langauge?
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
thats a good question
about languages
Kabocha
We can probably safely assume the characters all are fairly well educated
Alakotila
Is there a common tongue?
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
When magic's involved, spelling counts.
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yes
snuffysam
to be fair, we don't know if the guard is well educated
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Who knows what can happen if you mis-pronounce a certain spell
snuffysam
he may have just been hired to stand there
Kabocha
I dunno, I'm still going with spy theory
TriaElf9
there is at least a common tongue, yes
so far we've seen that and magic
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
snuffy: True, but they probably don't want people who are too dense walking over the scholars.
"This is actually a recipe for biscuits, yes."
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
QUESTION 4. The comic quickly makes it apparent that there are many mysteries afoot regarding the past. In regards to the ruins, what do you think the Miakarna are hiding and why? Did they know about the supposed Akarna there? Are they protecting the land simply because they believe it’s holy? Alternatively, is something else going on? What lengths do you think the Miakarna are willing to go to protect the ruins? Atawn also briefly mentions that magic had not returned to the area the ruins are in. What do you think that means for the past and present day of the story’s world? Of a last note, do you believe the people under the ruins are the Akarna, and if so, what are they doing there?
TriaElf9
SO MANY GOOD QUESTIONS
Kabocha
Qualifications for being a Mikarna guard: -The ability to yell "PROFANER" in at least 3 different languages -Looks good in helmets -OK with bringing the heat(edited)
TriaElf9
EHEHEH
snuffysam
the way the miakarna were acting was like there was a specific thing they didn't want the scholars to find. so i think this was that thing.
TriaElf9
and an almost fanatical devotion to the Akarna
snuffysam
like each day they seemed more worried that the archaeologists were going to find something
Kabocha
The Miakarna probably knew, or had an inkling of what they'd find, just not WHERE and when. And they're hoping to harvest that sweet, sweet cake technology
TriaElf9
hey, cool cake in a desert? priceless
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
snuffy: I got the impression that they didn't know what it was they were even protecting though. Like, they didn't want them to find... something... this is probably it, burn it all.
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Of course
use fire at first resort
Great idea
TriaElf9
people knowing things and straying from their control is BAD
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Yes(edited)
snuffysam
i'd hate to see what the miakarna will use after fire fails to get atawn
Kabocha
OH GOSH
THE AKARNA KNEW... how to make ice cream cake
like the perfect ice cream cake
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Unless the Miakarna are actually under the mental control of the Akarna. Subconsciously or not.
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
im gonna be honest i think its a mix. like the miakarna were told something vague like "this is the final resting place of the akarna" cause there has to be a reason they already considered the land sacred. so they knew theyd find something they either proved that right or wrong. and then ya know, they found pods.
Kabocha
GO HOME EVERYONE WE'VE SOLVED THE CONSPIRACY
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
BY BURNING IT ALL \o/
Kabocha
.............
darnit
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
the miakarna being under the control of the akarna sounds interesting though
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Rebel: Or maybe they were just told that where the magic was weakest was the final resting place or something. Way vague, which is why they don't want anyone until they figure it out themselves.
Alakotila
it does make sense they'd have been told something vague AT LEAST in order to consider it sacred
I wonder if they expected to find what they did
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Arkarna are all telepaths.
Kabocha
The Akarna were the ones who made the desert
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
swings pendulum "You are getting... creeeepy."
snuffysam
*dessert, kabo
TriaElf9
PFFT
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
as a general semi crack, semi serious theory, i think theres gonna be war as the miakarna block the others from the ruins. but then theyll wake up an akarna. and then the akarna will yawn and wage an even bigger war and everyone will have to come together to scream oh shit oh shit the gods want to murder us.
Respheal
Ahahaha I can get behind this theory x'D
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
never trust the pod ppl
Respheal
The pod gods
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
better, even more specific
Kabocha
An ancient empire awakens, bent on reclaiming the world they once dominated. A small group of people, drawn together by a common cause, are determined to stop them. However, they face more than threats from the outside.... I mean, the synopsis of the comic is this....
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
dont trust pod gods
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
^
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Rebel, I can totally see that. Suddenly the Miakarna wave the white flags, "Stop shooting at us, we're under attack from within too."
Respheal
Yuuuuuuuuuuuppppp r.i.p. everyone when the pod gods wake up
TriaElf9
author cackling continuessss
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Unless the Gods decide to use the Miakarna as the instruments to wipe out the other kingdoms.
Kabocha
Does "Mi" have a meaning
because Mi-Akarna
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Mama Mia.
Kabocha
are we following hi-fu-mi here
bc if so, this means they're the third iteration of the Akarna's people... potentially
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
mi actually used to be my because the miakarna are the descendants of their slaves O_O
Kabocha
GASP
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
They're also probably great at dodging magic, if they're spending a lot of time defending a region that doesn't use it.
Kabocha
Bwahahahahahaha
So, basically, we can sum this up as: "They're all doomed"
The Akarna join with their faithful servants,and..............................
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
R.I.P. everyone
Kabocha
TAKE OVER THE WORLD
snuffysam
unless a rag-tag group of friends can stop them!
Respheal
Well if the Miakarna consider the Akarna to be gods, I can't imagine it'll take much to convince them to join in on the conquest
ankoart
Everybody wants to rule the world
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
maybe this will be a technology vs magic war. cause the akarna could be technology wizards instead of regular magic wizards. and the akarna are the reason magic went away.
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
oooh
That'd be epic
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Leaves it up to the cat dragons to save the day.
ankoart
Cat dragons save the day! That would be the best
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
The smallest and cutest fighters
Kabocha
The akarna are all sudo rm -rf /
snuffysam
the entire story is just the akarna trying to remember the admin password
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"As soon as we thaw out our army, you'll be in trouble."
(Wasn't there an episode of Star Trek Voyager like that?)
(Dragons Teeth or something.)
snuffysam
use a blow drier to thaw out the army
have to go to the store for extension cords because of the size of the room
it's a whole thing
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Unless blow drier runs on magic. Also, they'll have fabulous hair.
Kabocha
Sam -- you know, they probably just have to boot into single user mode
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"Aim for the heads." "Why aren't they wearing helmets?" "Would you cover up that hair?"
Kabocha
http://pathways.smackjeeves.com/comics/2595215/pathways-56/ "What, you must be mistaken" Clearly they know what's up
Gaslighting before they torch the place
Respheal
I dunno, might be legitimate surprise
TriaElf9
which one which oneeeee ~dances~
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i read it as legit surprise too
Kabocha
....you missed the joke T_T
TriaElf9
OH
OHHHHH YOU
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i saw it O_O i just dont have a witty response to it XD
Kabocha
ahahahaha
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TriaElf9
sorry I'm getting prepped for critical role lol
Kabocha
It's ok XD
I'm being awful
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Seeing that panel reminds me, did all characters have slightly pointy ears, or no...?
TriaElf9
I HAVE FAILED YOU
it's mixed
Kabocha
IT'S OK, THIS COMIC IS WONDEFUL
TriaElf9
Dhiren and Quinel both have rounded ears
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Gotcha, thanks. I wondered about races at some point there, then forgot.
TriaElf9
so does Vala
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
I guess it's connected to Kingdoms.
TriaElf9
yup, it's just a little detail ^_^
it's actually not a spoiler or anything, it's just a genetic variation in this world
like connected earlobes or detached earlobes
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Nice detail. Actually, really good artwork, given the large setting too.
Kabocha
I'm 100% here for the pointy ears
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
interesting.
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
There's also, like, foreground-background in places.
Kabocha
@TriaElf9 -- now, I have to ask one question before it gets to the end... Is ther ea character we'll get to shout "YOU HAD ONE JOB" at
and will they have a ribbon
TriaElf9
it's more of a "this isn't Earth" tidbits ^_^
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
is there any sort of discrimination caused by the difference in ears or is everyone shrugging about it?
TriaElf9
also I like pointed ears ahaha(edited)
Alakotila
me too
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
The person who made the large cloak, when it fails and Atawn is seen. Had one job.
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Mind of I say one last thing before this chat ends?
TriaElf9
for sure!
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Because this is an incredible read so far with lots of cool (and sometimes cute!) ideas and I love everything about it thus far
TriaElf9
eeee ^////^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Hope it continues on and we experience a lot more about this world you created
(and long live candy ices!)
TriaElf9
I've been working on this comic for a few years now, building the world, I'm so glad people are liking ittt ^_^
oh it'll keep going for sure ^_^
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Glad to hear!
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Is Tuvana the land or the planet?
TriaElf9
and if we hit the next goal on my patreon, it'll reliably update twice a week
ankoart
Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to chat with us!
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Sweet!
TriaElf9
instead of my 1-2-1-2 pattern I have now
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
yeah the effort put into the world really shows through. its got a lot of those necessary details that really bring the foreignness to fruition.
TriaElf9
it's both
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Gotcha.
TriaElf9
the world is the land is the planet
TriaElf9
Tuvana is what they call the whole thing, and then there are 4 distinct countries
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Helps the aliens out that way.
TriaElf9
heheheheh
hey it does have a dash of sci fi ^_-
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
That's cool~
TriaElf9
I've only had one panel with it I think, but keep an eye on the sky, there are a few cool things there ^_-
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Yeah, definitely didn't expect the pods... I wonder if they're all actually functioning? Oooh, what if they're all just holograms?
"Thank you for opening my pod, this is a recorded message..."
TriaElf9
EHEHE
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
"...to build the thermonuclear device, insert tab A..."
Respheal
Now I'm going back through, looking at all the sky shots lmao
Divulge your secreeeeets(edited)
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
i feel like some of the pods must of failed maybe. at the very least i can hear them waking up and being like "General Lod is okay but General Joe Bob kicked the bucket I'm afraid."
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Always nice to have reasons to go back. Like, even hair has tufts and strands.
Kabocha
AHAHAHAHAHAHHA
TriaElf9
it'll show up more in coming pages
Kabocha
I can't wait to read more
Superjustingo of ✨Time🕑&Space☄✨
Same here~
TriaElf9
but the night sky has a little fun thing ^_-
MathTans the super Pun 👑Prince👑
Rebel: Hope they took out life insurance.
snuffysam
looking forward to more world building!
Kabocha
I want to see more cuties
TriaElf9
oh there will be more cuties for SURE
also more world building
Kabocha
EVERYONE IS ADORABLE NEED ALL OF THEM ALL THE TIME
TriaElf9
chapter 4 we get some world lore AND some cuties
✨🐱 RebelVampire 🐱✨
COMIC TEA PARTY END!
Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party time is now up~! Thank you everyone so much for reading and joining this week’s chat~! We want to give a special thank you to Elaine Tipping, as well, for making Pathways: Chronicles of Tuvana and volunteering it for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Elaine Tipping’s efforts however you’re able to. All that being said, if you would like to continue discussing this week’s comic, we highly encourage you to do so~!
For next week, Comic Tea Party will focus on The J-Man by Jonny Aleksey. As always, please use the next several days to read as much of the comic as you would like. We hope to see you next Thursday on August 30th from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat~! Until then, happy reading~! @The Undefeatable Jonny Aleksey Comic: http://jonnyalekseydrawscomics.com/thelatestpage/
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