#convince us that we do not want christmas at all. they tell us that scary dad is santa claus. they tell us that rex the doberman is actuall
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Sometimes you need a monster to protect you from other monsters. This monsters name is Doctor Leviathan.
Come checkout Doctor Leviathan and other art and comics at our website - https://leviathancomics.com/
#surreal#macabre#hellsing#pinhead#hellraiser#classichorror#horrorpulp#noir#horrorcomics#weirdtales#lovecraftian horror#lovecraft#crypt of cthulhu#cthulhu#morbid#horrorblog#synthwave#convince us that we do not want christmas at all. they tell us that scary dad is santa claus. they tell us that rex the doberman is actuall
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Hello everyone, It’s nice to see you guys here! I’m open for scary story submissions from you guys and willing to talk about them. I’m also able to talk about Anonymous stories from you guys. So I’m going to introduce myself.
• Introduction •
My name is Dosie/Rin/Raiden
I’m a female
My pronouns are She/Her • They/Them
I’m a minor
My favorite color is purple
I’m Pansexual 💓💛💙
I do have a another blog which is a writing blog (DosieDelMecna)
I like topics, more like True crime, Horror stories, Creepypasta, Anime, and Gacha.
I do draw, sing, and dance
I like cosplaying! (My favorite character I wish I could cosplay is Raiden Shougun from genshin impact
I like Fandoms the Outsiders, Creepypasta, DDLC (Doki Doki literature Club), Genshin impact, Glitter force (my mentallys still a kid lol)
• Daily Status on Tumblr •
Im on tumble every once in a while. Im usually on it when im bored or just- Straight up on my Bullsh!t.
Im planning to upload two times a week, (meaning Saturdays or Sundays; due to school)
• What I’ll allow •
Some spooky stories
Anything from Explainable to Unexplainable things
Deep drawings to help me visualize
any s3xual assault, Guresome cases (I’ll put a warning like most people do before you guys read it and make it warning before you guys actually see the post
• What I’m not allowing •
Any HIGHLY disturbing stories (Any shoving sh!t up into someone’s private part, no no… etc)
Any threats to me, family or friends
Any HIGHLY Disturbing drawings (as mentioned in the Disturbing stories part)
• Overall •
I am accepting requests, I may not make a post that quickly because of my home life.
IM STILL A MINOR
I’m really happy to start this Blog with you all.
See you guys an another time… Goodbye and we will never know what’s ahead of us.
#scary stories#literature#introduction#journal#poetry#convince us that we do not want christmas at all. they tell us that scary dad is santa claus. they tell us that rex the doberman is actuall#scarycore#halloween#how to
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NCT Spooky Season [Day 1]
The Hill House
TW: Ghosts
Genre: Romance
Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Reader
YN Pronouns: Not specified
Word Count: 1.3K
Prompt: Even in death, they did not part.
[NCT Masterlist] | [NCT Spooky Season Masterlist] | [Tomorrow]
[Ao3 Link] | [Wattpad Link]
Notes: Spooky season is officially here! And since I skipped 20 days of NCT for Christmas last year, what the hell, why not do spooky season instead?
Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.
Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!
“Haven’t you guys heard of the ghosts of the house on the hill?” Mary’s voice had a telltale tone. She turns on the flashlight beneath her face and her friends gasp in surprise, two of them holding hands and the other rolling her eyes.
“Don’t be so scared, it’s just a story our parents tell us so we don’t play there, it’s dangerous!” Stacey grumbles.
“Whoa, what story are you talking about?” Mary huffs. “The one I know is so different. I heard they’re a husband and wife!”
“Ghosts are still scary!” Jesse shakes in his spot.
“No, no! We have to see them! They only come out on the full moon! What better than now in October?” The girl grins. Jesse sinks into his seat and Helena covers her eyes.
“No way! Too scary!”
“Let’s go!”
“No!”
~
“My mom is going to kill me,” Jesse holds the flashlight for Mary, who is now trying to pick the lock with a stick she found. Somehow Mary had convinced them all to go to the house on the hill but, shockingly, it didn’t look all that haunted. It just looked like a house. The walls were painted a soft blue with white trimmings, and the dark wood rooftop seemed to be the only thing that would make the home scary. Even the windows all had light curtains on the inside of them.
“Are you sure this place is haunted?” Helena asks.
“Yes, shh!” Mary waves them off. Helena and Stacey stood behind them, waiting with baited breath and soon the lock clicked.
“Got it!” Mary grins.
“Hello?” A voice speaks above them and the four children start screaming. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’s wrong? No need to be afraid!” You bent down to their level. “It’s a bit early to be trick or treating,” you chuckled.
“We’re here to see the ghosts!” Mary exclaims and your eyes widen slightly before your face relaxes into laughter.
“Ghosts, huh? I can’t say I’ve met any since my husband and I have moved in here,” you looked behind you. “Say… did you want to have an investigation?” You nudged your head inside and the kids excitedly nodded. You stood up and opened the door wider so they could run in.
“Ghosts! Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Mary sings. The house, surprisingly, didn’t look haunted at all. Maybe straight out of the past, but definitely not as scary as the adults put it.
“They’re not going to appear if you’re loud like that,” Stacey shakes her head. She looks into the old mirror for a while, watching her friends run around the foyer through it, but shakes her head after a while.
“Maybe they like to hide,” Helena looks under the table, picking up an old newspaper to look between them.
“Hey, where would you look for ghosts?” Jesse turns behind him toward the door, but you weren’t there anymore. A chill rushes down his spine and he runs to catch up with his friends. “I don’t like it here, let’s go!” He tries to tug Mary’s sleeve.
“It’s fine, stop being a baby!” She groans. The four stop in front of an office room, seeing a man seated at the desk. He looks up from his book and adjusts his glasses.
“Now what do we have here?” Jaehyun leans forward on his elbows and the children stay frozen in place. “My partner taking in strays again?” He says with a soft smile.
“Oh, don’t be like that, they’re investigating the ghosts in our house,” you said behind them. The kids turned quickly, with Jesse jumping in his shoes and grabbing onto Stacey.
“Let me go,” she shrugs him off.
“Ghosts? That’s not good, I wouldn’t want them in my home,” Jaehyun shakes his head, now standing at the other side of the kids. “Take your time, then, let me know if you find any,” he says.
“Yeah!” Mary pumps her fist in the air.
“Why I don’t I make you food while you investigate? All that running around is bound to make you all hungry,” you offered.
“Yes, please!” The four smiled.
~
The four stuck together in the home, looking through every nook and cranny and investigating anything that looked suspicious but, still, no ghosts. Maybe a couple of old pictures of you and your husband and a few keepsakes of yours but nothing to indicate ghosts, that’s for sure. And the house still didn’t look haunted either! All the wood was polished and the furniture dusted off, there was no way ghosts could live here at all.
“Golly…” Mary sighed at the dinner table, sadly biting into her sandwich. “No ghosts.”
“I suppose that’s a good thing,” you walked in with your husband and sat at the front of the table. He presses a quick kiss to your hand and a chorus of “Awws” and “Ewws” resounded. “Where did you hear of these ghosts anyway?”
“Our parents,” Stacey shrugs. “But I don’t believe in ghosts.”
“Really?” Jaehyun sounded surprised.
“Nope,” Stacey shakes her head. “But these scaredy cats do,” she looks at her friends.
“Aren’t you going to eat too?” Helena asks quietly. You and Jaehyun look at each other and shake your heads.
“Oh, don’t worry about us, hon, we just ate before you came in,” you nodded. Yours and Jaehyun’s hands were folded on top of each other while the kids conversed. “Say, Mary,” you waited for the girl to look at you.
“Yeah?” She says with the sandwich in her mouth.
“How’s your grandpa?” You ask her, head resting on one hand.
“Grandpa Mark? Oh, he’s good,” she nods.
“And Jesse, how about your grandpa?” Jaehyun asks.
“Grandpa John or Grandpa Leery?” He asks.
“John.”
“I think he’s good, I haven’t visited in a while,” Jesse kicks his legs.
“Oh, and I know your grandmother’s business is doing well, right Helena?” You asked her next and she responded with an exaggerated nod.
“And how about your grandmother, Stacey, is she well?” Jaehyun asks. Stacey narrowed her glance and took a suspicious bite of her sandwich.
“Yeah… she’s fine,” she answers, somehow being the only one to catch onto whatever game you were playing. Then the chimes of a grandfather clock resounded.
“Oh, that late already?” You looked out with window. “You all should go home now, your parents will be worried,” you ushered them to the front door. “Thank you so much for visiting us,” you smiled.
“Yeah! It was really fun! Too bad there’s no ghosts though,” Mary kicks aside a branch on the porch.
“Do come visit again,” Jaehyun says behind you.
“Aren’t you guys weirded out?” Stacey speaks so that only her friends can hear.
“I think they’re just really nice,” Helena responds.
“What do you mean? We never told them our names!” Stacey nearly shouts. Then they heard the door slam shut. And, out of pure curiosity, Jesse turns around and feels his heart freeze, and his gasp is what caused the other three to turn around.
Behind them, the house was in shambles. The roof had caved in and the windows were shattered, the door was even boarded shut with the words ‘Do Not Enter’ spray painted on it.
But, through the only intact window, they could see you and your husband inside, a fireplace glowed next to you both, and a muted song played while you both seemed to float around the foyer. You both caught their glance and raised a finger to your lips before a gust of wind rustled the tree's leaves over the window, blocking it from view and once it had settled, there was only a dark room inside.
General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic
NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @minjiville
If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!
#nct#nct x reader#nct x you#nct x yn#nct u#nct u x reader#nct u x you#nct u x yn#nct 127#nct 127 x reader#nct 127 x you#nct 127 x yn#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun x you#jaehyun x yn#my writings#nct spooky season
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WIP Whenever (Actually on a Wednesday!)
@chevvy-yates had tagged me in a WIP Whenever thingy last week (I think? What is time) and @breezypunk sharing their WIPs reminded me I meant to do this. So, stuff I'm working on!
Over my Christmas break, I just started barely scratching the surface of working on my own custom poses. Because I'm me, I desperately need some battle couple poses--Fighting side-by-side, holding the other one while they're wounded, maybe fighting each other, etc. I compiled a Pinterest inspo board here to get an idea of what I'm going for.
This pose isn't anywhere close to being finished, but it's a start:
A small confession: while I actually like working in Blender quite a bit, I kind of hate everything else about modding, lmao. I've probably said it before, but my day job requires me to use so many shitty apps and software that always require 37 workarounds just to perform normally--I really don't have a lot of patience for troubleshooting shit during my leisure hours. Hopefully, the project won't become too much of a headache when I get into importing and working with props. 🤞
Virtual photography is always a constant for me these days--I was actually thinking yesterday how it feels like the absolute perfect creative medium for me. I like drawing and writing and 'real' photography, and I very much need to make sure I have more analog and tactile creative projects to keep me sane, but VP just hits in a way nothing else really has.
I am still working on the photostory I shared last time, but I don't want to give away too much there. It's also on a bit of a pause while I figure out some tech issues (read: I regret updating my game, lmao). However, I already have a ton of shots/mini-stories I need to queue up:
Other than that, it's kind of personal reflection shit and contemplating goals/resolutions for 2024. Getting long-winded and a little blunt under the cut:
I've always really struggled with making goals--I don't think I've ever had a situation in which I explicitly stated "I have a goal of XYZ" and then I achieved XYZ. I've had plenty of nebulous "Hey, I think I'd like to do XYZ" thoughts and then lo and behold, I do actually make XYZ a reality, but as soon as the word "goal" is attached to something, I just check tf out.
It was actually something I was trying to talk to my therapist about last summer, and then we kind of hit a dead end on that specific topic and decided I had other problems that were more pressing to deal with, lmao. But all the best goal advice in the world--following the SMART method, sharing it with someone for extra accountability, etc.--Just does not work with my brain.
(The accountability thing in particular always hugely backfires for me because just telling someone I want to do a thing tricks my brain into thinking I did that thing and now I don't need to anymore. Also, I don't like people telling me what to do, so if someone was like "hey, shouldn't you do this thing so you can meet your goal" I will say no just on principle of being a brat, lmao. I really hate that piece of advice.)
I know some of it, probably a lot of it, is fear of failure if I don't meet the goal. I'm very hard on myself--That's a no-brainer.
But I also think some of it, maybe just as much, is fear of success. Which I used to think was the stupidest fucking thing anyone could say about this shit, but success can mean big change. Success can mean increased feelings of imposter syndrome. Success can mean attention and responsibility I don't want. Success can mean bigger consequences if I do fuck up later.
I've come to realize that success is honestly as equally scary to me as failing.
I think this is a big reason I've always been content (or convinced myself to be content) with being good and not great, even if that means I'm not reaching my ~*full potential*~. (There are other external/macro reasons for that too, like my loathing of people trying to push me to monetize my passions, but I don't feel like getting into systemic gripes, lmao.)
Goals that require me to step outside of my usual routine also give me a lot of anxiety, which is something I've working towards managing (you could say that it's a goal of mine to get that under control dfgjhfjgdf), but that's still a very real hurdle for me.
Like I've been trying to go back to a minimum of 20 minutes of dedicated exercise (versus just walking a lot) a 3 times a week, and I get stressed if I miss it, or even just feel like I'm going to miss it (like if 7 PM starts creeping up and I haven't started it yet), but I also get all bent out shape spending 20 minutes on exercising while I'm doing it as if there's a better use of that time and THERE'S NOT. Like, what am I really missing? 20 minutes of scrolling Tumblr? Shut the fuck up, lmao.
All this to say that I don't really feel like I'm ready to set goals in a traditional sense, and that might not be something that ever works for me, but there are things I think would just be... kinda nice for me to do for myself that I want to do this year:
I need to actually be nicer to myself.
As a matter of fact, @ren3gade--I hope you don't mind the tag, but I've been meaning to thank you for the "forgive yourself" advice you shared a couple of months back. I started making it a point to use that in my self-talk when I start spiraling, and it has been one of the best means of mitigating certain aspects of my social anxiety. I felt goofy as hell when I first started doing it, but that shit works. Positive self-talk makes you feel better, wow, who knew certainly not me
In a similar spirit, I want to stop being so judgemental about my limitations, and I need to mitigate feelings of guilt when I set boundaries for my mental health and energy.
This is something I want to achieve in all areas of my life, but I think the easiest place for me to start flexing these muscles is with fandom. Because, damn, I let myself get into some really bad habits with the CP77 fandom (and I forgive myself for that 🙌).
One of the big ones has been putting pressure on myself to keep up with what all my CP77 mutuals are doing at all times, and I'm not doing that to myself anymore. I've spent so much time in the past two years methodically going through tags and blogs to catch up on stuff I missed, and I'm just... relieving myself of this obligation. I know a lot of folks have tried to mitigate that for themselves by encouraging everyone to use their username-tracked tag--I'm not doing that. I'm not giving y'all more tagging work, and I'm not going to give myself the same obligation just in a different way. If I miss a post, I miss a post.
Of course y'all are always more than welcome to @ me or send me things you think I'd enjoy (I love that, actually!!), but I'm just one person--I'm incapable of being an omnipresent fandom cheerleader and I don't know why I was pushing myself to be that. Well, that's not entirely true--I have some idea of why, but that's also a mentality I'm leaving in the dust. 😘
Also, for a long time, I did not use the like button for anything other than personal posts purely out of spite because I got tired of people complaining when they'd get likes but not reblogs--My asshole mentality was "Fine, now you get nothing." And that worked for me for several years and several fandoms, but I'm frankly tired of the "like" slander on Tumblr. It's a valid form of interaction and letting someone know you liked their stuff. I don't say this with malice, but other people's mentality of being unhappy with likes instead of reblogs is not my burden to bear.
Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a rant about fandom stuff, lmao, but the point is I need more boundaries in my life, and I'm starting here.
I'm happier when I spend more time than I have been on traditional art and creative things that get me off my PC.
Like I said above, I love VP so much, but it does unfortunately tether me to my computer desk longer than is probably good for me in the long run, mentally and physically. I stocked up on some new traditional art supplies, and I need to put those to use now that I'm settled into my new place. (And I've been itching to do a charcoal portrait of my bb girl.)
Reading books (gotta be physical, no screens) also makes me feel better.
I've got about 7 books on my nightstand that I could totally finish this year--Doing that might be the one stereotypical goal I make for myself.
I want to reevaluate how I "multitask;" in particular, I want to break the habit of always having to have a background show/movie on OR always feeling the need to do something on my computer/phone while I watch a show/movie.
Even as a kid (way before I lost my attention span to my smartphone lmao), I've always been inclined to doing something else while I watch shows and movies, but that used to be limited to drawing or painting my nails, which I think is fine. Now I just always feel like I need a screen nearby to do something else, even if there's really not something else worth doing.
And listening to music or podcasts while I work on a thing is also fine, but it's gotten to the point where I almost can't have complete silence, and I don't like that. I miss being comfortable with silence while I pour all of my focus into a project. I just need to find some equilibrium here.
I know this isn't exactly a standard WIP Whenever, but me is what I'm working on, and I think it's all essential stuff to nurturing my creativity. 😊
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headcanons of movie nights with Steve
steve rogers x gn!reader
headcanons of how movie nights go with Steve as your boyfriend
this is like both a headcanon and a drabble lol
Steve would always let you choose the movie you two would watch because he'd want to know the movies that would make you happy.
You'd wear one of his oversized shirts which miraculously he does have along his extra small shirts that he insists on wearing plus his boxers that you'd use as shorts.
He'd hover over your form as you prepare the snacks, he'd back hug you with his head resting on your neck as the two of you waited for the popcorn to be microwaved.
He loves listening to the little facts you have before and after watching the movie, the actor did his own stunts? wow they actually used melted plastic for the special effects? that's cool the whole background was cgi? impossible!
It was absolutely the same for you, you loved watching the expression Steve made as you explained that some of the stuff in the movie wasn't real, especially when you tell him it wasn't actually raining in that scene in The Notebook.
In return he'd be the one to tell the inaccuracies of the movie in case it was based on the forties or the war, he'd tell more of his own war stories midway though.
The large couch would be filled with pillows and and two fluffy blankets that would end up on the floor while the two of you cuddled for more warmth ignoring the blankets that were thrown away.
You'd love it whenever he gets scared and cuddles closer to your side. His warm body would squeeze you tighter as his hands were already wrapped around you.
Steve would try to cover his eyes with his hands as you would always make him watch horror movies but not being able to resist watching the scary movie anyways.
You did have to convince him that not every vhs tape is haunted, he'd probably be able to beat the girl from The Ring anyways. You also might have just made him more phone phobic than he already is, after that.
" the phone is not gonna get you Rogers "
" you don't know that! "
" babe we watched the movie not the tape! "
He also wouldn't be afraid to cry with you when the movies are that depressing. You and Steve would cry so much while watching Me Before You.
Steve couldn't ask for a better view of you resting on his shoulder as your eyes were stuck on the wide television, some popcorn stuck on your hair that made him silently snort. A wide grin etched on his face as thinks that this, this was it, this would be all he needs in his life.
" we should do this every Friday "
" movies? we can even do it everyday babe "
" no, I mean like officially, Fridays are for movie nights, just us and a big bowl of popcorn "
" Bucky and Sam are gonna be heartbroken we don't invite them " you joked as you ate another piece of popcorn
" they can have their own movie night doll "
" okay, we'll do movie marathons every Friday, except when the world's about to end "
" I'd love to watch a movie with you as the world ends, doll "
" shut up, you sap " you reply laughing as you throw a popcorn on his face
The two of you would also have a game of catching popcorn with your mouths, one would throw a piece as the other would catch it with their mouth while they're in a far away distance.
Steve's the type to genuinely love any type of Christmas movie and would insist on wearing ugly Christmas sweaters even when it's summer.
He would love Home Alone, but would also voice out his concerns on how irresponsible Kevin's parents are. He'd be so happy knowing there was a sequel.
After every movie night there would be popcorn everywhere, from the couch to the floor and even as far as the bedroom.
The two of you would always just end up falling asleep on the couch anyways, an empty bowl of popcorn still on your lap as the two of you cuddle on the large sofa till the sun rises.
#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x y/n#steve rogers x f!reader#steve rogers x female reader#steve rogers x gn!reader#steve rogers x you#steve rogers headcanon#steve rogers#steve rogers fanfic#steve rogers fanfiction#captain america x female reader#captain america x reader#steve rogers movie night#steve rogers fluff#saturn writes#sleepisaturn
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15 people 15 questions
thanks @girlfriendline @giveemgreef @tblueger <333
1. are you named after anyone?
i am not! my middle name was an homage to my mom's grandparents but i have since changed it and my parents are blessedly allergic to otherwise naming anything after anybody
2. when was the last time you cried?
few days before christmas
3. do you have kids?
no and i do not want to. i have one fur baby (that i co-parent with my parents lmao) though as you all well know (scout my baby boy <3)
4. what sports do you play/have you played?
played kids' baseball/softball until i was like 10/11 bc i was constantly in the outfield and nobody can pitch until you get to like. high school. so it was boring and i hated it so i quit. i was on dance team for a while until i had to drop it bc recital dates kept being on the same days as school band concerts. was in marching band throughout high school, which counts bc i was a percussionist and had to lug around those heavy drum harnesses
5. do you use sarcasm?
a ridiculous amount. if we also count like comedic lying in this i accidentally convinced a coworker that there were only three seasons of spongebob doing that whole pretending that only the good parts of a show exist. such a shame spongebob ended after season 3. there's no more of it! just too bad
6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?
hair probably
7. what’s your eye color?
brown! medium tending towards dark
8. scary movies or happy endings?
while i love gothicness and gothyness i am a Known Weenie and certain types of gore literally make me feel faint. like the finale of the terror s1 made me a little faint and gave me the sweats and i had to fully pause the episode and lay on the floor for a while. so i guess categorically happy endings based on that. if a scary movie isn't super gory though i'll go for it
9. any talents?
i’m very performing arts inclined! i play piano, sing, dance, and act (was a theatre major in college). i memorize things quickly if i set my mind to it, am great at navigating, have great pitch memory (like i can be exactly or near-exactly on pitch when singing something i’ve heard before even without backing accompaniment. this unfortunately drives me crazy when people post pitch-shifted versions of songs and i can tell they’re off. bearer of the curse), decent stage combatant, good crowd weaver, and somehow bear the ability to unintentionally come off as intimidating to basically everyone i’ve ever met
10. where were you born?
iowa, usa
11. what are your hobbies?
i'm something of a gamer in my spare time. basically only solo joints though i'm not like gamer nhlers that play like. league of legends or fortnite or counterstrike. i've recently joined a community band and a bar trivia team (with my old middle school choir teacher lmao. he's a homie), i write fic every once in a while, read, dance around the house, go for walks when it's not cold, snuggle my pup, and obviously watch hockey. i keep telling myself i'm going to learn how to sew but trying to find beginner projects for men types is fucking dire and i keep not going out to get fabric for the pirate blouse i keep wanting to make rip
12. do you have any pets?
ah there's a separate question for this. scout, my yellow lab baby boy whose breeder had a confederate flag up in his barn when we got him (we saved you buddy). have some pictures
13. how tall are you?
5'5". short king territory
14. favorite subject in school?
i was a band/choir bitch. probably followed by english (literature). i liked basically all of it but phys ed though fuck that class i hate distance running it gives me a stitch in my side and you have to run a mile at least twice a semester (fuck you presidential fitness test). on top of all the other running they make you do. loved when they just did games though. matball my beloved
15. dream job.
actor, either stage or voice. unfortunately i do not want to live where the big voice acting studios are located and regional stage acting is kind of limited unless you go all the way out to chicago, which i tried for a couple of months before multiple breakdowns told me i should probably be closer to home. i enjoy being a librarian though :)
tagging @get-hockeyed-idiot @amandaleveille @wildaboutmnhockey @girldewar @letkirillfight @yes-perwallstedt if you guys haven't done it yet and also anyone else who wants to
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The Crowded Room: Tom Holland reveals how he defied a studio - over a hairstyle
In Cherry you played someone with PTSD, in Devil All the Time your mind went to all these dark and difficult places and here, there are memories that are disappearing from your life. What is your fascination with playing these characters who have these mental health struggles and challenges?
I’ve never really thought of it in that way, that I am kind of chasing characters with these ailments as such. I love a great story. I love a great challenge. I love working with great people and The Crowded Room offered all of those things.
Why did this particular project grab you?
I was shooting Spider-Man 3. I was in-between hanging upside down, fighting Alfred Molina and having the time of my life and I found out Akiva [Goldsman, The Crowded Room’s showrunner] wanted to speak to me about this project. I met with him on the Christmas break on Zoom and we immediately hit it off. Our 45-minute meeting turned into a two-hour epic about what The Crowded Room could be. He was kind enough to give me the job and the adventure started from there really.
What is it about you and New York?. First there was the Spider-Man trilogy – and now this. When is a statue going to be built there in your honour?
I’m probably the wrong person to ask that question. I’m a huge fan of New York. I was delighted to call it home for almost a year. It is as much a character in the show as I am. New York in the ‘70s was a pretty crazy place. I think our department heads did a pretty wonderful job of bringing that to life. It was very cool stepping into that era. It was also equally scary – it was a very, very different time.
Speaking of the scary ‘70s, did you get much say in the wardrobe – and that hairstyle in particular?
I tell you what mate, I learnt a really valuable lesson from Jake Gyllenhaal once – “commit to hair and makeup and commit to wardrobe. Do whatever you can to make yourself look as aesthetically different as possible with each role that you have” – and with Danny Sullivan, I went for it.
The studio wouldn’t really allow me to cut my in the way that we did. Ultimately, I just took an executive decision to say, “I’m going to do it anyway because this is how I think the character should look”. I’m delighted that we did, because I think the hair is the icing on the cake for the character.
As for the wardrobe? I loved the wardrobe. I’ve kept it all – I still wear the flared jeans. I think they did a wonderful job of putting that all together.
Talk us through that hairstyle. What made you so convinced that it had to be that way?
I think I trust my own judgement. My make-up artist Rachel Speke did these wonderful mood boards for what she wanted to achieve and we would sit there and look at these different pictures of people in New York in the ‘70s and so many times this haircut popped up.
I think we were a little hesitant, because it is a huge departure from what I look like in real life, but I just felt it was so important with the character like this to disappear into his life as much as possible and be as authentic to the period. I do remember showing up to the camera test and there being some rather unhappy faces, but I think they came around in the end.
I feel more comfortable making executive decisions now because Rachel and I have worked on five or six feature films together. I feel like we’ve always done a really good job – and it’s always for the service of the show.
It is such a complex role. How did you stay on top of all the facets of it?
I think we did a great job of scheduling it so lots of our actors’ stuff was in order, but that wasn’t the case for me. I was bouncing backwards and forwards in time on so many different days. Shooting multiple episodes on the same day was really, really tough. It meant we really had to be vigilant and prepared for every day’s work.
Ben Perkins, my acting coach, arguably saved the show. He was so good at making sure Danny’s arc was a strong cohesive one, not only to us making the show, but also to the audience.
There are some very intense scenes in The Crowded Room. What kind of on and off-set support did you have?
Akiva is a professional, he was a great ally on set. He’s not only a great friend, but also a great leader. I have a wonderful support system of friends – my brother was with me and my best friends from my personal life also work together as a team. Yes, there were times when I needed a shoulder to cry on – and I had plenty of shoulders to choose from. I was very lucky.
Since you became a star in the Spider-Man movies, you’ve also consistently stretched your acting skills in other, smaller roles – is that something you’ve deliberately sought out to do?
It’s something that I’m definitely very aware of. I love playing Spider-Man and Peter Parker, who I feel like is my best friend. He changed my life. I also have had two incredibly gifted agents since I was 13 years old who have been so good at positioning me to work at the right times with the right people.
It has definitely been something that has been in our strategic conversations about not getting put into one box. I love challenging myself. For me, it all comes under the same umbrella. It is something we think about and something we actively try to achieve.
Roles like this must take up so much energy and emotion – how do you take a break?
I am currently taking a year off. Today has been my first day of work in ‘23. I’ve been home, I’ve been lying low, I’ve been working on my house and building cupboards and gardening and all that sort of stuff.
I did know while I was making The Crowded Room that I did have this wonderfully long break coming up, so I took on the challenge, was dealing with the hardships of the character knowing that I had a break at the end.
I thought that after two months I’d be itching to get back on set. I’m now six months in and I’m absolutely loving my time off – I’m really enjoying myself.
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2023 wrap up ( thanks @spaceoperetta for the idea, hasn't even considered doing one!)
-very long, been a big year for me-
tw: d/ru/g usage discussed positively
- also worst depression since college, but at least it's not the manic-depressive mixed state I was in for most of those 4 years
- BUT I also found the first ever antidepressant that works for me a couple months ago! I've been on a mood stabilizer that's "worked" for me for years in terms of controlling the hypomania, but I would still sink into low, low depressions. Now I just feel capable of happiness, but I need to rebuild those neural pathways since they haven't been used in so long
- my husband and I's relationship is much, much better. Once we moved things got really not great, and he is a lovely and great person but I think he'd never had to /actually/ deal with anything or question himself before and being in a new place, with someone holding him accountable, who wouldn't just ignore any of the ineffective things he was doing or any of the negative things occurring freaked him out a bunch, especially because he had no distress tolerance skills. I have my own stuff to work on too, but his refusal to accept what he doesn't understand really exacerbated my emotional reactivity and now I have to unlearn all of those habits.
- I found a therapist who works with my brain!
- my best friend moved to my city, and it was only supposed to be for like 10 months but she met her boyfriend and is blossoming and getting opportunities in her field like crazy so she's staying longer which means we can hang out more!
- knees got worse, but I finally went to physical therapy (because I maxed out my insurance OOP with the name other medical things I had to do this year) and it helped a bunch!
- a ton of drama with my husband's family. His youngest sister randomly decided that I am abusive (not even during like any interaction or anything, she just randomly started having an attitude with me 2 weeks before their annual (white, well-off people) family vacation), and then was cold to me during the vacation, and went on a walk with my husband where she essentially tried to convince him that I AM abusive. (Husband also handled it poorly - he's the "everyone is right in some way" type and didn't tell her she was completely out of line, but that has also gotten better thanks to couple's therapy). Then over Thanksgiving she decided to create drama with the older sister over her own poor behavior when older sister was doing absolutely nothing mean or wrong. It's been really stressful, we didn't even do a zoom call for Christmas this year which they normally try to make happen no matter what.
- I lost my job at a startup (blessing in disguise) and got a new job. The company is great, but I hate the work. It's not what I applied to do, it's way more technical and I would like that if ANYONE had the time to train me. But they lost a ton of people going from fully remote to hybrid, so everyone I work with has less experience than I do actually. I'm also struggling to do it because of how lost and flustered I feel.
- I picked up journaling and that's been so great and helpful.
- I went to Portland! I adored it very much. Though towards the end something about it felt vaguely threatening/heavy/scary. But I definitely want to visit again.
- I reconnected with my childhood best friend! We definitely grew in different ways but the foundation is still very much clicking. I'm going to stay with her and her husband in Seattle and visit again in May. She's so, so wonderful and I missed her so so much I'm tearing up writing this. We've continued to message frequently since, and once Baldur's Gate's cross play feature is out (fingers crossed) we're going to play together.
- I learned that stimulants don't work for my brain. ADHD stims caused anhedonia, coffee just triggers migraines, and Modafinil semi kinda maybe works but not well. I've managed to quit coffee for a week or so now. It's definitely an addiction. But chai tea lattes are filling the void. And the void also means that I'm getting back into tea! A childhood Internet friend is the one who got me into tea, and it feels very heartwarming to remember them through it.
- I lost my first cat together with my husband. You will be missed dearly forever, little man.
- I found my favorite d/ru/g! Technically I think it's 2-fdck that's my favorite favorite if my testing was correct, but basically ke/tam/ine and its analogues in general. It's so amazing and it checks all my boxes. I haven't personally experienced any negatives from it, though if you ever try it please read up on appropriate doseage, periods between use, and all that. It's helped me a ton with figuring stuff out, feeling motivated, and rewiring my brain. I'm weird and drugs have never worked the same for me as other people now have I ever had it impact my life negatively so please don't take my experience as advice or normal.
- I tripped for real for the first time in forever over Christmas break! My meds make it really, really difficult. Most people can't trip at all no matter how much they take on these meds. But I just kept raising my dose and bam, finally! I also had my first ever LSD epiphany and I feel like I can really move forward with my life. Tripping has also always helped my brain reset - like turning a computer off and on instead of just locking it or hibernating. I always feel so refreshed.
- I generally just feel more compassion for myself and more capable of being the person I want to be. Sometimes it hurts because it feels like I was on such a good trajectory, and then a ton of negative things happened to me with no support system and everything in my life just stopped. And then I was getting better and then COVID really broke me - at least when the bad stuff was happening I had stimulation, but COVID liked my brain. I think I still have it in me to be happy in the ways I want.
I hope we live in unprecedented times where history is made! Precedented times and the continuation of the normal just means the rich get richer and people die at the hands of oppressors. I hope things change for the better, greatly and permanently.
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This rockstar life - 3.3 Birds of a feather
Words: 1458
Content: There’s some casual drinking in this one
-----------------------------
Jess orders two straight vodkas and two vodka tonics. She downs her shot the minute the glass hits the bar and motions Alice to do the same.
“Come on, I’ve only got two hours before I have to be back for the babysitter.”
Alice screws up her nose but does as she’s told, while Jess scouts out a table.
The minute they sit down Jess demands “Right, enough of the polite small talk, tell me about your man! How’s it going? Are you desperately in love?”
Alice puts both hands over her face, from behind which comes an ‘eeeeeeeeee’ noise.
“So, that’s a yes then?”
Alice lowers her hands until just her eyes are showing and nods vigorously. “Yes, so very much yes. It’s… oh god…” She flaps her hands, fanning her face, “I’ve never… loved anyone with such… abandonment… before. It’s kind of scary.” Noticing her cousin’s smirk and raised eyebrows she adds, “Oh I don’t mean… you know… well, maybe a bit… no I mean… without restraint. Oh god, that sounds dirty too!”
Jess is still grinning, quite enjoying Alice’s flustered attempts to avoid double entendres.
“I mean not being careful with it, not hiding what I feel, not playing any of those stupid games. Feeling all the feelings. You know that cliche ‘he has my whole heart’? Well he does, pathetic shrivelled thing that it is. I just… tied a bow round it and pushed it into his hands. Basically on our first date. It’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous.”
“No, you’re happy.”
Alice smiles down at the table “I am happy. I’m… dizzy with it. But not crazy like I used to get. Dizzy but… tethered.”
“And does this heart-stealing boy feel the same about you?”
“I hope so. I think so. Maybe not so… dippy… as me, but he seems really… certain. He was pretty fast-forward from the start, no hesitation, even when I was still cautious. He gave me his house keys on our third date, and said he loved me on the fourth.”
“That is quite full-on.”
“Well, all of those dates were two or three days long, so it probably counts as a couple of months in normal romance land.”
Jess doesn’t look entirely convinced, and when she says ‘and now you live together’ it is almost a question (even though obviously, having initiated this get-together with a letter sent to the newly-shared home, she knows it to be true).
“Yup. I guess… six weeks? Officially. But really I went for the weekend after Christmas and never left, so it seems like longer.”
“Well I suppose it’s good that you’ve got something stable.”
Alice gives a wry smile, “Oh we’re very unstable. Individually and as a pair! But it feels… strangely safe. I trust him with my heart.”
“Very poetic.”
“I am a poet.”
“But do you really know him well enough, for that trust? In such a short amount of time?”
“I hope so. The way we started… in the hospital… I heard all the bad stuff right off.” Jess is leaning in looking extremely curious, but Alice knows those are not her secrets to tell. “If there was something worse that he was hiding from me, it would have to be that he killed someone! But I’ve seen all the good stuff too. He’s so gentle and funny and sweet, but not, like, too sweet. Not soppy.”
“Sticky sweet?”
Alice gives her A Look.
“What? I’ve been playing the album.”
“ANYWAY, he’s lovely and thoughtful and nice to me and so amazingly talented…”
“And cute?”
“SO cute!”
“And good in bed?”
Alice opens her mouth to reply and then catches herself and clamps her lips together. “Cheeky cow! I’m not telling you that!”
“You don’t need to, you’ve gone the same colour as that ketchup bottle!”
Alice puts her hands back over her face. “Stop cackling! People are looking at us.”
“So do you have pictures?”
“You know what he looks like, he’s in all those magazines.”
“Those are rockstar pictures, I want boyfriend pictures.”
“I’ve got some in my wallet.” She reaches for her bag.
“Are any of them naked?”
“Ew! No! Jesus. You’re such a nice girl and then you get one drink inside you…”
“Two.” corrects Jess, draining her glass and pointing questioningly in the direction of the bar.
“Sure, I’ll get them.”
When Alice gets back to the table, she takes a couple of photos out of her wallet.
“Now I’m only showing you these if you promise not to go all Dorien Green* again?”
Jess adopts a demure and innocent pose, so Alice passes over the pictures. One is Steve sitting on the bed in a bathrobe, absorbed in playing his guitar; the other is mostly just his face, smiling and squinting slightly at the smoke wafting from a cigarette held just out of shot. When Alice pictures Steve in her head, that is how he always appears - grinning and wreathed in smoke.
“He’s alright I suppose.”
“He’s beautiful. Give him back.”
She strokes the photo as she puts it back behind the plastic window. Jess shakes her head, but her expression is kinder than the gesture might suggest.
“So, fess up, did my mum tell you to come check up on me?”
Jess laughs “No, but my mum will actually combust with nosiness if I don’t tell her some of it! Which she might then report back to your mum. So if you’d like me to omit some of the juicier details?”
“Leave out the dizzy thing… and the hospital… and the poetry, and definitely the ketchup. Actually can you just say I’m happy and with a nice man and no more mental than I was before? And say I looked really fat.”
“Sure. It’s gonna take me so long to explain what heavy metal is that she’ll be bored before I even get to your bit anyway.”
“Oh, leave that part out too. Just say musician or something. Oh I don’t know. I don’t care. Just say whatever you like. My mum’s met him anyway. Or at least, cried at him while he stole her wayward and ungrateful daughter away from her. So the whole long hair and earrings thing isn’t going to be a shock to her.”
“Sounds like that was quite a scene?”
“It was pretty grim. Steve tried to be friendly but they were having none of it. Dad sulked. Mum wailed. The neighbours watched avidly like vultures. And I haven’t been back since. I miss Magda, but nothing else really.”
“You’re too old to live with your parents anyway. You’d go weird. Turn into one of those girls who knits and has gerbils.”
“Hey, I knit! No gerbils though.”
“Got out just in time. But seriously Ali, you are okay aren’t you? I know it’s romantic or whatever, but it has been really fast. And… I’ve been reading stuff… your sweet guy has some issues.”
“Don’t believe everything you read. Especially if it’s written by that arsehole from Kerrang. Of course he’s got problems, everyone’s got problems. But the music press make it out like he’s some… selfish hedonist, partying every night for the hell of it.” She does air quotes, “£1000 drink and drugs binge lands rocker in rehab” and rolls her eyes. “It’s not like that.”
“What is it like?”
Alice glances around warily, “He’s just… dealing with stuff… the best he can. Like all of us. I can’t really talk about it. Not here anyway.”
“It’s okay, I understand. I just worry about you… that you’ve been swept up in something that might be too much to handle…”
“Really, I’m fine. Don’t I look fine?”
“You look like Kensington Market* threw up on you, but sure, apart from that you look good. Are you eating?”
“Yes Mum.”
The mention of motherhood jolts Jess out of cousinly confidant mode and reminds her of her other responsibilities. She looks up at the clock over the bar, “Oh shit! I’m going to be late.That gum-chewing delinquent I left my firstborn with is going to want overtime.”
With a hurried hug and cries of ‘Love you’, ‘Love you best’, the two girls part, Jess dashing to the station and Alice walking back to Tube-less Chelsea and the house and person that have made it home.
(May 1990)
—-------------------
* Dorien Green is a character in the 90’s British sitcom ‘Birds of a feather’ who was an unashamed ‘cougar’
* Kensington Market was an old ramshackle shopping centre in London with small independent shops, in the 80’s and 90’s mostly catering to goths, punks, pagans, and other ‘alternative’ cultures. If you wanted a corset, blue hair, or a piece of metal poked through any part of your anatomy, you could get it at Kensington Market
#Steve Clark#steve clark fanfic#steve clark fanfiction#def leppard fanfic#def leppard fanfiction#This rockstar life fic
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More 5 minute or Work Writes
The second part of the list
———————————
11) Write a poem where each line ends with a word that doesn't rhyme with anything. (Orange, silver, purple, month, angel, dangerous, etc.)
As someone who depends on rhyme like money used to count on silver
It truly drives me mad that half the time a similar sound cannot be glimpsed.
Rhyme is sort of my favorite thing, and when I can’t, I’m filled with angst.
When there’s nothing for me to bring, it’s kind of when I pop my fifth.
That’s only in the hopes that in pursuit of sleep or writing, my mind may oblige.
That’s why I’m wrapping up with this line; this poem feels weird; like sinking into depths.
12) Write a poem with twelve lines, where each line represents a month of the year.
Breathe in, cold, crisp, full of hope
Exhale short, from time cut and you cope.
Step, heel-toe, one foot leading the other
And play not the fool, spare embarrassment for mother.
Let it be that you come home
And ‘Juin’ not they that roam
Do not lie, you would not return
I’d guessed you’d rather simply burn.
‘Xcept embers sting, have cause me be one burnt
Awk though over years, heat hasn’t caused me one turnt.
As turkey time approaches, and we have a bird roasted
I hope we know…not even Christmas for this stressfulness should have boasted.
13) Interview a mundane object in your home.
Hey, Merida, glad to have you with us today,
“Glad to be here” I’m sure she’d say.
Tell us, I’m sure some would like to know
What makes you happy, gives you glow?
“Maybe that my owners always find time to blow
Sometimes using me quickly, often taking time, burning with me slow.”
Do they take care of you? Treat you well?
“I would say yes from what I can tell,
Though..since I’ve been cleaned it’s been a spell.”
What is your favorite memory from what you recall?
“Mom choosing me from the shops glass stall!”
What about scary? What struck you with fear?
“Losing some brothers and sisters, some colored, some clear.”
Okay, finally, just for clarity for our readers,
Do you mind specifying what you happen to be?
“Oh sure! I’m a favorite glass, used quite often
Thought I prefer “water pipe”, there are other words that also define me”
14) Write about your earliest memory.
I feel I should start with a disclaimer small.
I’m not going to like writing this. Not much at all.
But the earliest fragment I can claim
Is one where I was slightly maimed.
I want to say it was a Friday evening, possibly the day that follows.
Regardless, it’s an eve that causes hard swallows.
I was having a good day, not much was wrong
Mom was getting ready for Im guessing clubbing all night long.
Feeling happy, more or less dancing on air
Stepping into Mom’s room to say I love you and I care.
“Mom! Hug!” With arms up and hands out
Perhaps it was rude and a little demanding
I still don’t really know what she was angry about
I just know what rings feel like from someone backhanding.
The sting was small, I think I was mostly in shock.
Like..did I annoy you with the way I talk?
I remember just standing still for what seemed a moment eternal.
And that’s basically it, the earliest entry in my memory journal.
15) If you found out you weren't filled with the normal things (blood, guts, etc.), what do you think would be inside you?
I was bored once
And being of curious mind
I set out to do some tests
To see what I might find.
I started with CT’s
To put the hidden in clear view
And it may shock you to know
Instead of a heart, I found a crew.
A dozen or so beings
All of emotional name
To throw me in different corners
All working furiously the same.
An MRI is the scan that followed
I needed to see the shape of my brain
I just had to know what was in control
Who had the supreme reign.
The scan revealed nothing,
To me it made no sense
I needed fresh eyes inside
And had to convince a friend off his fence.
Just a small window
Enough to see
And shine a light
Into apparently cavernous me.
Smoke and water
All things in clouds
Whispers and murmurings
Words dressed in shrouds.
X-rays I suppose
Was the most logical thing.
Hoping what holds me up is iron and bone
But at this point expecting wood and string.
Showing up on the scan
Something I didn’t believe at first pass
To see that even that is hollow
As my bones are music and glass.
The next part was just me
Something just I needed to know.
Something a little gruesome
To find what really really flows.
Just a small incision
I mean…it’s certainly what I meant
But I couldn’t waste the time
As it was already being spent.
It was odd to see what flowed
To see once cut what would be the river.
Silver, and gold, light and happiness
And hopeless blackness, greys that made me shiver.
One thing that was unexpected
I didn’t look for and so didn’t think I’d see the sight.
When I wanted to see what life had made me,
I didn’t think my soul would still show any shimmering light.
16) Write a poem in which you forgive yourself.
Do you not know or understand
The fires I’ve caused and fanned?
“Forgive yourself” I have heard them say
But that seems for someone else on another day.
The blood on my hands, the ink blackness of a heart
I’d love to forgive. But how do I get there? Where do I start?
Listen well, please, as it’s said another time
A past can stay past without repeated crime.
Yes, I saw what happened, what you did and said.
I see the things that cause the daymares constant in your head.
I understand you failed, you aren’t who you could have been,
That does not mean you don’t deserve your zen.
It has been quite long enough; there is something that must truly be learned.
It’s time to just let go, be forgiven; it isn’t as though it can be earned.
17) Write about what kind of poetry different animals would write. (Would small creatures write shortpoems? Would beautiful creatures write beautiful poems? Or would it be entirely different?)
If you listen in nature, and can read,
Poetry is every creature, from bee to stallion steed.
Buzzing little friends writing circular and square.
Swans writing love sonnets to show their care.
While mighty beasts like wolves, lion, or bear
Write ballads of battles where they crush those that dare
Challenge their power, prowess, and strength.
Doves singing psalms at unending length.
Owls and elephants with proverbs to spread wisdom with words.
Haikus hidden in the chirps, whistles, and singing of birds.
Rhyming important for spiders who like all things in order.
While dolphins push more of a free verse border.
All things in nature have poetry, some song.
One of my favorite things is to listen and read-sing along.
18) Write about an object you've lost. Where might it be now?
I lost it when I was a child
I set it down, but should have filed
Something somewhere to remind me where it went
Before I had hours and hours searching spent.
It was late at night, so I feel only so much blame.
And it wasn’t me that stripped innocence from my name.
19) Try to write a"square poem", in the style of Lewis Carroll.
If I love you forever
Will you forever return?
When the last lights all go out
Will our fire continue burn?
Will you, in this journey life,
Hold my hand at every turn?
Or be a lesson to learn?
20) Write about sounds you might encounter in outer space.
Floating in a vacuum, you might find
Something that really should not shock your mind.
The things you might actually hear floating in the vast emptiness of space
Would be your skin freezing, your lungs cracking, as life leaves your body without a trace.
—————————————-
The top of the list
https://at.tumblr.com/songofsutarima/694676390289801216/h2m67dcfyk48
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Official Kings Beach Tavern, Sunshine Coast Dune Rats December 29th, 2023 Poster shirt
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Official Kings Beach Tavern, Sunshine Coast Dune Rats December 29th, 2023 Poster shirt
When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Official Kings Beach Tavern, Sunshine Coast Dune Rats December 29th, 2023 Poster shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
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Official Kings Beach Tavern, Sunshine Coast Dune Rats December 29th, 2023 Poster shirt
When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Official Kings Beach Tavern, Sunshine Coast Dune Rats December 29th, 2023 Poster shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
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Buy It Now:Official Kings Beach Tavern, Sunshine Coast Dune Rats December 29th, 2023 Poster shirt
This guy loves his wife finger shirt
Charlie Hustle KC Heart Vintage Black T Shirt
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Checkered Flag Sports Blue 2024 Daytona 500 Champions T Shirt
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Is My Bike Ok Funny Bicycle Quote Shirt
Is My Bike Ok Funny Bicycle Quote Shirt
When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Is My Bike Ok Funny Bicycle Quote Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
Is My Bike Ok Funny Bicycle Quote Shirt
When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Is My Bike Ok Funny Bicycle Quote Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
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NFL Baltimore Ravens Festive Knitted Xmas Sweater For Men Women
NFL Baltimore Ravens Festive Knitted Xmas Sweater For Men Women
In terms of skills it depends what position they are moving from and to, but I think a season of training with a pro side and some regional amateur rugby games in the lower leagues followed by 1-2 seasons playing below the top flight would be required, if they had the right attributes to reach the top flight. It could be 2 years in total for a winger, or 4 for a more involved position with higher technical and tactical requirements. A player with exceptional physical attributes like being able to run a sub-11 second 100m at 275lbs and a lethal side-step or being fit at 300lbs and immensely strong and NFL Baltimore Ravens Festive Knitted Xmas Sweater For Men Women explosive might make it earlier as their attacking threat with the ball in hand would do more to cancel out their shortcomings than a more physcially average player.
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When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the 2023 Postseason Philadelphia Phillies Take October Signatures Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the
NFL Baltimore Ravens Festive Knitted Xmas Sweater For Men Women
In terms of skills it depends what position they are moving from and to, but I think a season of training with a pro side and some regional amateur rugby games in the lower leagues followed by 1-2 seasons playing below the top flight would be required, if they had the right attributes to reach the top flight. It could be 2 years in total for a winger, or 4 for a more involved position with higher technical and tactical requirements. A player with exceptional physical attributes like being able to run a sub-11 second 100m at 275lbs and a lethal side-step or being fit at 300lbs and immensely strong and NFL Baltimore Ravens Festive Knitted Xmas Sweater For Men Women explosive might make it earlier as their attacking threat with the ball in hand would do more to cancel out their shortcomings than a more physcially average player.
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When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the 2023 Postseason Philadelphia Phillies Take October Signatures Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
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Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
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Marriage. 90
Chapter 90: Where are you?
After the festival things have been interesting around the house. Well, mom and dad seem very quiet. Gohan was also acted more weird than usual. Every time he came home from school, crimefighting, or even study sessions with Videl, he was just super happy. It was creepy. Not even me jumping on his back, to wake him up, killed his joy. Who the hell is this person, and what happened to my big brother? He doesn’t even get mad, and that’s scary. On top of that, our parents act like everything is ok. This is just weird.
But at least I could look forward to my birthday and Christmas. Both are next month. That’s when it hit me. Everyone always gets gift on Christmas. I even make cards for everyone. What would dad like? Speaking of dad. I haven’t seen him all week. I asked mom, and she seems to not know. I asked Gohan, and he doesn’t know either. I try to locate his ki. I could sense him, but I can’t tell were he is. He’s so far away. I wonder why.
…
“Bulma, you sure about this?”
“Yeah. Now stop asking questions, and get moving. It took me forever to get Vegeta out of the house.” I can’t believe this. Though she said that usually she asked Gohan to help, but didn’t want to bug him this time. See here I am, helping Bulma repair the damage Vegeta did to the gravity room. “Can you stop moving so much!” After was done, she asked me if I could run a few errands for her.
“And why would I be the best person for this? Isn’t Vegeta more knowing of space?” She gave me a look. “Good point. So, what exactly am I doing?”
“I just need you to go to one of Frieza’s old bases, and grab as much tech as you can. Don’t give me that look. Can’t you ask one of your friends to help you out.” I was just about to say something, when…
“Lady you’re crazy. On top of that, Goku still owes me.”
I then looked to Bulma. “That’s the other reason I came here in the first place.” Her face turned red, and I soon found myself smacked across the face. “Hey! Calm down. Not like you haven’t before.” Another smack. Well, till she brought out one of her guns and started shooting at me. “Hey. Cut it out. At least I spoke highly of you.” What’s a little white lie going to hurt. “I thought you would appreciate the compliment. Especially since I said you were prettier than my wife.” I can’t believe I said that. I just hope she buys it.
“One picture, and that’s it.” Dende, after this I’m a dead man. Not like I haven’t seen her before. I’m just grateful that I told Chichi about this beforehand. Yeah, she screamed and threw me out the house. And might I add, she blasted me. Thankfully, after explaining, and begging for forgiveness, she said fine. But that I would have to make it up to her. That’s another reason I agreed to doing odd jobs for Bulma. Thank goodness I didn’t have to touch her.
To my great relief, and sanity, she had one of her bots take the picture. She even placed it in an envelope, so I couldn’t see. I quickly went to the old Kai, gave him the envelope, and asked the current Supreme Kai for help. Once I collect, what I think would please Bulma, I went back to her. I gave her everything, and asked if there was anything else. “Not at all. I already called the restaurant. Here’s the address, and just tell them my name.” I told her thank you and was off.
Once I got home, I was ambushed by Goten. “Where were you? And why was everyone so ok with it?” I could see tears starting to build. I tried telling him that everything was find. That I was just doing a few things. He didn’t look convince. “Still doesn’t explain why everyone was ok.” I then hugged him.
“Sorry about that buddy. Next time I’ll let you know that I’m stepping out.” He then looked at me, and he used his sleeve to rub the tears away.
“You promise?”
“Yes. Now come on, we have to get ready.” He asked why. “We’re going out to eat. So, we have to be on our best behavior for mommy.” He nodded and runs back inside the house. Gohan was on the couch reading, and already dressed. I then went to our room, and braced myself. When I opened the door, I took a defensive stance. But nothing happened. I didn’t get hit, nor yelled at, or even an angry look. All I saw was Chichi fixing her hair. I then saw clothes on the bed, and automatic saw the suit. I hate those, but it makes Chichi happy. I slowly made my way to the bed, till she called me over to her. “Yes, Chichi.”
“How did it go?”
“Thankfully she went into a different room, and got a bot to take the picture. Also, she placed in an envelope, so, I didn’t see anything.” She gave me a nod, and told me to hurry and get dress. Thank goodness she wasn’t making me wear a tie.
…
I can’t believe this! “Goku! How could you even do that! On top of that, she’s your friend! Not some random female! Also! How dare you suggested that you’ll be the one to take the photo!” I was bending his arms backward, while my foot was pressing on his shoulder blades.
“But she’s used to having people see her. And it was for the earth. I thought you’ll be happier that I didn’t suggest you.” I started to stomp on his back. “Ow! That actually hurts.”
“That’s not the point! And since you brought up that wonderful fact! How dare you say I’m flat chested! How dare you compare me to another woman! Especially saying things like that!”
“But that was a complete lie, to make Vegeta agree. You know that you have way fuller breast than Bulma. You also know that you have a way better figure than her. So, come on. I’m sorry.” I bend his arms more.
“Goku!”
“For goodness sake Chichi! Your body is nowhere as saggy as Bulma’s. Everything about you is all nice and perfect. Firm to the touch. And even your skin glows. It hasn’t aged by a long shot. Bulma actually looks old.” I finally released his arms, and got my foot off him. I watched him roll his shouldn’t, as I crossed my arms. He stood up, and held my hips. “Besides, you’re naturally beautiful, compared to her. You don’t need all that make up, to show off your beauty. You definitely don’t need to show off that wonderful body.” I was still fuming, but that seductive grin of his wasn’t making it easy. “Only I get to see that tight body of yours.” He then purred against my ear. “Like how I want to see it now.”
I then felt him kiss my neck, and rub up and down my sides. “Fine. But I want to have a dinner out as a family.” I then felt him picking me up, and instinctually I wrapped my legs around his waist. We started kissing, as he brought us over to the bed.
“Thank goodness the boys has school” I started to giggle at that, as he laid me on the bed. I then felt him start undoing my clothes, as we kissed. When he had gotten rid of our clothes, he kissed my neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I then felt him thrust into me, and we in complete bliss. That was Monday, and he hasn’t been home since. Goten did looked very worried, and so did Gohan. Later in the day I got a call from Bulma, saying that I and the boys should start getting ready. I asked what for, and she told me how she set up dinner reservations to a restaurant. Also, how she will cover the cost, so, I didn’t have to worry about money. I said thank you, and asked what this brought this up. When she said Goku, I couldn’t help have a big smile.
I told Gohan to start getting dress, and if he seen Goten. Somehow Goten was nowhere to be seen around the house. But Gohan said he was close by. I went to his room, and set out his outfit. I then went to our room, and set out a nice suit for Goku. He’s going to look so handsome. I should look my best as well.
When we arrived at the restaurant, I was impressed. It looked super fancy. I can’t believe this. Maybe I underdress, and I was feeling uneasy. When we were brought to our table, I couldn’t help admire the decor. That’s when I noticed how empty it was. When the waiter came to ask for our drink orders, I couldn’t help ask about the emptiness. “Oh. We were informed about your family, and was advice it was similar to Ms. Bulma’s husband. So, we took extra steps to not over work our cooking staff.” With that I couldn’t help blush out of embarrassment. I even noticed that Gohan seemed embarrassed. Well, I should have expected this, but still was embarrassing.
As we ate, I couldn’t stop smiling at how my boys are being well behaved. They weren’t making a mess, or being loud. They were acting like a well behave family. It made me super happy. When I finished my meal, I continued watching my boys. They looked so happy, and I was loving it. When they were done, we walked outside. Outside Goku suggested if we should take a nice walk, instead of rushing home. “That sounds lovely.” As we walked, it was feeling wonderful. It was so peaceful, and perfect. Well, until Gohan got a call from Videl, saying something about she needed help with a riot downtown. Gohan looked between sad and happy. I told him that it was alright, and that for him to be careful. He told me that he will, before he pressed his watch and left.
The rest of us continued walking, and I was starting to feel cold. “Would you like to use my coat? Or would you like to head home?”
“Coat would be nice. I’m not ready to go home yet.” That’s when I noticed Goten was nowhere in sight. I started to panic. “Goku! Where’s Goten?” He then looked concerned for a moment, and then he looked calm.
“He’s a little bit ahead of us. He’s fine.” I still didn’t start feeling on edge. “We’ll catch up to him soon. Besides if anything was to happen, I’ll get him in time.” He then kissed my forehead.
…
When Gohan left, it was just me, mom, and dad. We continued walking and it was super nice. It was peaceful, and my parents looked so happy. Gohan was right about how nice it was to walked with our parents. As we walked, I saw something up ahead, and waiting to know what it was. I looked at my parents and they were speaking. I’m not going far, it’ll be ok. I can easily get back.
When I reached the thing, it was just a bunch of swings. We ended up at a park. I decided to play in the playground. I wasn’t far from my parents, and the jungle gym looks fun. I made it to the top when they finally showed up. They looked so happy. I then made my way down, and walked over to them. When I got to them, dad ruffled my hair. They both were smiling at me, and it made me happy. Maybe they would want to play with me. “Let’s play on the swings. Please.” Dad had a big smile and said sure. He ended up pushing me and mom. It was so much fun.
Before long Gohan showed up, and was with Videl. “So, how did it go?” Gohan went about how the people, in the riot, were just being a chaotic mess. And how it didn’t take long to get everyone under control. Then he and Videl join us at the swings. They seem to have made it a contest between. It was funny. But dad kept pushing me and mom. Today was pretty nice.
When we finally went home, I didn’t want to go to bed. I wanted to continue playing. But nobody wanted to play, and mom said I couldn’t play video games tonight. I was started to feel sad. Then dad asked if I wanted to join him, while he did his before bed workout. I agreed. It was better than nothing. We quickly changed our clothes, to not upset mom. I was doing push ups with him, and then ended up resting on his chest, as he did sit ups. It actually had put me to sleep.
The next day was nice. Even when everyone was doing their own thing, we all were in the den together. Mom was knitting. Gohan was doing school work. Dad was working out. Mom was making me study, too. It was nice. Super peaceful, and it made me happy. Gohan was also wearing a big smile.
-------
Ch89
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Yellowstone Summer Higgins Free Everything For Everybody Shirt
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Yellowstone Summer Higgins Free Everything For Everybody Shirt
When I was quite small, my family were Jehovah’s Witnesses. My big brothers remembered their Catholic beginnings, they remembered magical Christmases. My little brother and I did not, we’d never been Catholic yet. We used to get very sad that all of our friends had lovely Christmas or Hanukkah, and we did not. We’d pout. My big brothers tried their best to console us. Our best friends lived across the Yellowstone Summer Higgins Free Everything For Everybody Shirt . Their dad was not home much, but he was a very stern man. He had quite the temper (when we grew up, we realized that he was always drunk, but when we were small he was just scary). He had a Doberman called Rex who we were all also terrified of. One year, I’m probably four or five, we’re sitting in my brothers’ room wistfully staring out the window at our friends playing with their new toys, wearing their Christmas sweaters, all that. The oldest two brothers, maybe trying to console us, convince us that we do not want Christmas at all. They tell us that Scary Dad is Santa Claus. They tell us that Rex the Doberman is actually Rudolph. Would we really want Rex landing on our roof? Would we really want Scary Dad judging whether we were naughty or nice, and sneaking into our house while we slept?
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romeo roulette | jung yoonoh
pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader
summary: if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.
genre: soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism (??)
words: 21.2k
warnings: language
song recs: playlist here !
a/n: behold ! a kdrama compressed in a fic ! ok i was lying there was more than a little angst but all in good fun <3 i have never experienced working in an office (thanks to the panny) but i tried making it as accurate as i could !! hope you have fun with this <3
It’s not that you’ve never been looked at with a lover’s gaze, it’s just that whatever look Jaehyun has been giving you is mildly uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be that way. Hell, even his hand clasping yours are a little too clammy for your liking.
Jung Yoonoh. Get your act together.
You wish he were a better actor than this. For someone used to eyes on him in each and every room he’s in, he’s not very good at making eye contact. You’ll be saving this performance. Not to stroke your own ego but at least you know how to behave under strong gazes.
There are three people staring at the two of you and your fingers intertwined, scrutinizing your postures and the expressions on your faces. Maybe Jaehyun should face them instead of glancing at you wordlessly. He’s a terrible liar for someone who acts so smooth.
You look up with a short smile. The aforementioned three are your coworkers—former class rep at uni and your current boss Doyoung, your friend Soojin and Jaehyun’s friend Sicheng from IT. None of them look happy—like it concerns them. If there was a competition for nosy coworkers, this entire group would be winning awards left and right (and that’s including you).
They’re going to find out, an annoying voice giggles inside the quiet corner of your brain. Like hell, they will. You didn’t take up acting lessons in college for nothing. You just need to focus on the details.
This whole charade dates its beginning to a week ago.
If someone were to tell you Jung Yoonoh from marketing is your soulmate, you would most certainly either laugh or take it as a genuine insult. Hence, you were glad when you found that he isn’t.
It was an accident. You had glimpsed at his soulmark, right below his collarbone, at a particularly wild office afterparty—and somehow, you thought it was fitting that his tattoo was a little red heart. For someone born on Valentine’s day (which you know from a night out with coworkers, not because you’re remotely interested), if his soulmark was not something as disgusting as a heart, it would be the textbook definition of irony. But then again, fate is a funny thing. Your soulmark is a heart roughly the same size, with a little more intricacy in the form of a piercing arrow.
Despite all, however, if someone were to ask you if Jung Yoonoh is the worst person to be your soulmate, the answer is no. You can name at least five coworkers off the top of your head that you’d choose him over. You would choose him over Doyoung (and especially his nagging), you would choose him over Taeyong because he’s too hot and you also don’t like men in a higher position than you are, you would choose him over Jungwoo because you suspect he’s secretly a furry. Jaehyun is certainly better than your deskmate Dongmin who, despite an angelic smile, is: a) too distant to make actual conversation with, and b) in a relationship despite being your soulmate. Sweet-tempered Dongmin doesn’t even know it’s you. You’d love to be the bearer of bad news but this one—you’re not exactly ready for it yourself.
So that’s the explanation for why you hunted down Jaehyun and in a desperate attempt to not seem pathetic, coerced him into a role that has carefully picked benefits for either of you. You just have to bite the bullet sometimes.
“And I get what out of this?”
“Me? Temporarily, that is.”
Jaehyun laughs in amusement and you drop your smile, almost offended. If you were a gift, you’d certainly be an attractive, spicy, hot one—he doesn’t have to look at you so incredulously. In a neat business suit, Jaehyun is as kempt as ever though his tie could do with some more work. As an HR assistant, his appearance pleases you. However as a person, the perfection annoys the hell out of you. He could show himself to be more human. It would make your job (both the actual and the metaphorical) easier.
“I’m leaving,” he announces with a nonchalant exhale. “You keep messing around during work hours like this and people are going to think you’re jobless.”
“Wait!”
You jog up to him and block his path, crossing your arms as you huff at his indignance.
“I said no,” he repeats, and when he tries to evade you, you push him back with your palm flat against his chest. Jaehyun doesn’t show any more discomfort than usual, biting the inside of his cheek.
“You haven’t found your soulmate, right?” you say, taking a deep breath. If you have to resort to psychological warfare, so be it.
His smile wavers and he straightens, no longer leaning against the printer desk. “No. How does that matter?”
“It matters because you’re going to be my pretend-soulmate. Now, don’t be a pussy.”
He opens his mouth and closes it, furrowing his eyebrows. “You can’t always trick me into doing what you want.”
“I’ll ask Doyoung if you say no.”
“See—enough with the tricks, they don’t work anymore. I’ve known you for two years.”
“I really will ask him.”
“Not convincing enough. You don’t even talk to Doyoung outside work.”
You groan into your hand, taking a few moments to come up with another plan. How is your obvious charisma not enough? You certainly can’t tell him how rejected you feel with the whole Dongmin situation even if his rejection hasn’t officially come yet. It’s too embarrassing for a grown adult to go through. You don’t mind being lonely for the rest of your life if you’re successful. There’s a price tag on each decision you make anyway.
“I’ll treat you to lunch every day. I’ll pay.”
You cross your arms, tapping your foot in anticipation. They say the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Besides, Jaehyun hates spending his lunch money on himself. This ought to do something.
Jaehyun places his hand in front of his mouth in mock surprise. “Oh no, out of your beloved paycheck? That’s kind of scary, honestly.”
“Jaehyun. Stop messing around. I’m being serious.”
He purses his lips, hesitation across his face. You don’t like the way he thinks, with quiet, lost eyes and no clear giveaways on his lips.
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
You smile in relief though you try somewhat to not let it show on your face.
“On one condition.”
Your eyes dart across his face, nothing that tells what he might suggest next. You hate when you don’t get to decide on things.
“You have to come visit my family next month and pose as my soulmate—”
“No way.”
“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.”
You stare at him, weighing the odds.
“Fine,” you say finally, voice pitched in slight annoyance.
Jaehyun shrugs.
“But I tell my parents that I rejected you. Or they’ll come after you with a task force or something.”
You mutter the last part.
He grimaces, holding his breath for a good few seconds and then letting it go.
“Alright. It’s not like mine and your parents know each other—or will ever meet.”
“Fine then,” you say. “We have an agreement.”
“We have an agreement,” he repeats.
Now, back to more pressing matters. The people in front of you aren’t a stupid lot—even if you've seen Doyoung spend $500 on plush toys, seen Sicheng absentmindedly walk into a desk and pretend to not be in pain for the next five minutes and Soojin somehow convinced a senior to get her coffee because she thought he was an intern (in her defence, it worked).
The only way is to act through. You clear your throat.
"We… we discovered it last week. Our signs match."
Technically, you drew an arrow with a permanent marker over Jaehyun's tattoo in an attempt to resemble yours. It's not awful, but perhaps not perfect.
“Discovered? Like just happened to find out?” Doyoung asks.
“Isn’t Jaehyun’s on…” Soojin leans in to whisper hurriedly in your ear. “On his butt? Did you guys sleep together?”
You contort your face in disgust. “The what? What? Who told you that? And no.”
Soojin makes an ‘ah’ sound and leans back. “I should stop listening to office rumours then.”
"You should." You glare at her.
Sicheng is the only one without questions at the tip of his tongue but the look on his face worries you most.
“I’ve never seen your tattoo, now that I think about it,” he muses, turning to Jaehyun. “Although we’re roommates.”
Jaehyun clears his throat, looking around with shifty eyes. "Why is… why is everyone looking so suspicious?"
"It's just… so sudden," Soojin says, looking around at the others.
"Yeah," Sicheng mutters.
"Soulmate fraud is a big deal too, you know that right?" Doyoung informs. "You could get put in jail."
You throw up your hands in exasperation. "Why would we pretend? We don't have any reason to. And, uh, you're sure about the jail thing?"
You look at Doyoung, hoping your question didn’t come off too squeaky.
"You’re right,” he says, sighing. “It’s so unlikely for soulmates to work in the same company, let alone the same building.”
“Oh, yes, I’m so lucky,” you mutter under your breath.
Doyoung sighs. "Look, we're happy for you. It's just that… it's a little sudden."
"Literally what I just said," Soojin says.
"Literally what she just said," Doyoung agrees quickly, not wanting to pick a fight. Sometimes you wonder who the real boss is.
"Look, just because we don't even acknowledge each other or find each other remotely attractive or wouldn't even be each other's office Christmas card candidate—"
Jaehyun nudges your side with his elbow and gives you a look that seems a lot like "You're making it worse".
You clear your throat. "That's what happens to most soulmates! You think you're going to land the perfect one and boom. You get a chump from marketing."
Jaehyun makes a sound of protest. "I didn't want a snob from HR either."
The two of you glare at each other, and you find that clenching his jaw makes Jaehyun slightly (around 0.05%) more attractive, or at the very least more bearable to look at.
Doyoung gasps. "Okay, I get it. You're having adjustment issues. I know a guy for that. He's helped every newly found soulmate couple adjust with each other."
"We don't need that," you interrupt, offering your fakest smile.
"You do," Doyoung responds, his smile equally fake. "I'll drive you this weekend if you're free. He’ll give you one free session. No more, because we all know how capitalism works."
People have got to stop copying your fake smile. You wish you could have it copyrighted because after all, it’s the same smile that tricks interviewees into thinking they got the job. It’s not evil if you say it isn’t. You open your mouth, look at Jaehyun doing the same and when you can't come up with an excuse, give up and nod.
"Don't look so resentful," Doyoung says, tone slightly complaining. "I'm not doing this as your boss. We were friends in college and I'm just doing you a favour. A friendly favour."
Soojin hums in deep thought. "I feel like this is some sort of nepotism."
"I feel like you should open a dictionary once in a while," Doyoung mutters, only to get a vaguely threatening look from Soojin.
"Anyway," Sicheng diverts, eyes curious when he turns to Doyoung. "Why did you call us here?"
"Ah." Doyoung's eyes widen. "I heard promotion rumours."
Sicheng lets out a loud huff of annoyance. "You summoned us here for company gossip?"
Doyoung crosses his arms. “So, you’re not interested?”
“Who said that?” Sicheng responds quickly, leaning in.
The five of you huddle closer in a circle, looking as conspicuous as a cult.
“You guys know that Jinyoung’s leaving, right?” Doyoung starts.
Soojin gasps audibly only to get a smack on the arm from Doyoung. “Why’s he leaving? He's like employee of the month every month. ”
A few chuckles pass through the group at her discontentment from months of losing out on the title.
“I heard he found his soulmate. Lucky ass gets tax benefits too now,” Sicheng complains. “Why is he leaving?”
“Oh, look who’s interested in gossip now,” Soojin coos.
Sichengs turns red in the face and looks away, clearing his throat. “You’re gonna answer my question, Doyoung?”
“Oh! Right.” Doyoung looks up from a text. “He got rejected by his soulmate.”
Soojin covers her mouth this time when she gasps and you can’t say your jaw doesn’t drop as well.
“Rejected? Like our picture-perfect Jinyoung got rejected?” you repeat, trying to process the information. “Please don’t tell me he decided to be an idiot and sign a mutual rejection.”
“No, he didn’t lose his senses,” Doyoung responds with a duh undertone. “He’s getting the compensation money.”
You sigh. “Man, I feel bad for him.”
Jaehyun hums in agreement. There’s a hush over the group and you feel fear rise in your chest. You don’t want to be rejected. You’ve seen how happy Dongmin looks with his girlfriend—he’d reject you in a heartbeat. Of course, you could just receive the compensation money from the one-sided rejection and get it over with but you refuse to. It hurts to not be wanted. It hurts to not be wanted by someone who’s supposed to want you. To be specific, it hurts your pride. Every time you see the damn arrowed heart on Dongmin’s wrist, which he tries so hard to cover with his watch, you feel like throwing up. You’re glad yours isn’t as easy to spot—resting right above your hip bone.
“Anyway, someone’s getting promoted to that HR specialist position.”
You gasp. “Is it me? It’s me, right?”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes and you elbow him. “What’s with you?”
“Don’t get too excited,” he says, shrugging. “Isn’t it stupid to get your hopes up over a rumour?”
Doyoung breathes out. “Wow, (name) really sucked the life out of you, Jaehyun.”
You glare at him when Soojin breaks into a fit of laughter. “You- you know what that- you know what that sounds like, right?”
Your face contorts into disgust and you shake your head. “Let’s be more professional, alright, Soojin?”
She clears her throat and straightens her clothes, like a teenager being reprimanded. “I’m your senior. It’s embarrassing when you say that to me.”
Jaehyun speaks up and turns to you. “I think lunch break is almost over.”
You raise an eyebrow. “So?”
“You’re forgetting something.” He smiles, dimples showing, but his eyes come off menacing.
“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You forgot about that stupid lunch promise.
“Hey. Professional,” Soojin warns.
You groan and link your arm through Jaehyun’s, making him bite back a smile. What is it with men and getting weirdly happy about lunch?
“We’re gonna go get lunch,” you announce.
“Ooh, (name)’s ditching quality time with coworkers for dates now,” Soojin coos.
You roll your eyes and exit the office, stopping to wait in front of the elevator.
“I think that went well,” Jaehyun says, shrugging lightly.
“Shh. What if they hear us?”
“Do you think they’re X-men? We’re a long corridor and closed doors away.”
You huff, crossing your arms. “Still…”
Jaehyun’s smug smile makes you want to smack it right off and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way with him. You swear he’s not as bad as some of the guys you’ve met but Jaehyun is simply annoying. An A grade nuisance. You can trust him though. If Soojin says he’s a reliable guy, you’ll believe her—she doesn’t bluff when it comes to seeing right through men, though she does have a tendency to believe stupid rumours.
“Your acting was shit though,” you snipe.
Jaehyun lets out a low sardonic laugh. “At least I was subtle when I was messing up.”
You cross your arms and huff. “You know what? You can take the next elevator ride.”
“Huh?”
You step into the elevator just as the doors open and quickly jam your finger to the close doors button. The look of betrayal on Jaehyun’s face is subtle but it’s enough to satisfy you. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens—it’s very applicable to elevators. He can take the other one.
However, almost immediately after, the elevator doors open and you groan, opening your mouth to send a sarcastic congratulations to Jaehyun for pressing the button on time.
Your words hitch on your tongue. Dongmin greets the two of you with a smile, standing beside Jaehyun, who has his eyes averted from you.
“Hey,” Dongmin greets. “Congratulations. I heard the news.”
“Thanks,” you croak, clearing your throat with a bit of heat on your cheeks. Jaehyun looks like he might burst into a fit of laughter any moment and you shoot him a subtle glare.
“Where are you headed to?” You ask.
“Oh, I’m going to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria.”
“We’re also headed to the cafeteria,” Jaehyun declares, with a smile that’s almost devilish.
“No, we’re not,” you say quickly, making Dongmin raise an eyebrow. You hold back a groan. If only Dongmin weren’t raised to be the politest man you know and a little bit more of an asshole.
You hum and turn to Jaehyun. “I told you about that new cafe. Remember, honey?”
Dongmin makes an ‘o’ with his mouth. “Nicknames, already? Ah, I’m so jealous. It must be great to get along with your soulmate.”
Oh, the sweet summer child that Dongmin is.
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Oh, won’t it take too long, darling? We have—”
He makes a show of checking his Rolex, a gift he received from his superior that he spares no chance to flex.
“—Around ten minutes left.”
You hold back a groan and plaster on your smile. “Come on. Now is the best time.”
“That sounds like a load of—”
You elbow Jaehyun hard in the gut and a restrained sound dies in his throat, eyes widening in the sweet look of discomfort taking over his features. You smile triumphantly and turn to Dongmin with an immediate change of expression.
“I’ll see you in office later,” you say, bowing slightly.
Dongmin nods and gets off on the fifth floor. You watch in quiet relief as the elevator door closes and turn to your dear companion, irked.
“Did you have to do that?” Jaehyun asks, voice raspy with pain.
“You deserved it. Don’t you dare make this a bigger mess than it already is.”
“You came up with it.” Jaehyun straightens, finally. Apart from the few loose strands of his neatly parted hair, he doesn’t seem all that disgruntled.
“And we’re going to set some ground rules,” you declare, closing your arms.
Jaehyun straightens to his full height, the space between the two of you diminishing.
"Okay," he agrees. "Then we both get a say in it. It's a contract, after all."
"Fine. First rule, no being weird around Dongmin."
Jaehyun chuckles. "I think you need to be more careful about that than I do."
You pat his cheek. "Focus. Just don't- don't be around him for too long."
Jaehyun purses his lips. "Why are you so uncomfortable around him? I thought you were doing this because you didn't want to reject him."
You glance away, feeling uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter. I just don't want him to know."
Jaehyun hums. "Fine. My turn. No calling me a chump."
Your cheeks puff up as you try to contain your laughter. "It bothered you that much, huh?"
Jaehyun furrows his brows. "No one's ever called me that before. It's always 'oh my god, he's so handsome, who is he?' or 'ooh, I might faint from how hot he is'."
You giggle. "Alright, handsome."
Jaehyun exhales, his puffed cheeks making him look like a resentful five year old instead of a grown man with a professional job. You pause before you get back on track.
“No nicknames,” you blurt. “It’s weird when you call me something endearing. And your flirting feels kind of threatening.”
“What do you mean, baby?”
“See! You’re doing it again.” You cross your arms at the look on his face; anything close to victorious over Jaehyun’s features is unbearable to you.
He raises his arms in exasperation. “How are we supposed to make this work if we act like we don’t care about each other. Guess why Doyoung’s taking us to couple therapy?”
You huff, slightly pissed off. “You’re saying it was my fault?”
“I’m saying we could have avoided that with better acting.”
“You think you’re so—”
The elevator door opens with a ding on the first floor and you turn to find a bunch of interns back from their lunch break. It would be much less of an awkward affair if you and Jaehyun weren’t well into each other’s personal spaces, noses almost touching and with a mutual glare which could be easily mistaken for a look of something more sensual. You jump away from Jaehyun and leave the elevator as fast as you can, feeling far too conscious of yourself. With long strides, you exit the corporate airs of the building to a sunny, fairly populous sidewalk.
Jaehyun catches up to you, bending and trying to catch a glimpse of your face with an incredulous smile over his.
“Don’t say a word, Yoonoh.”
“Ooh, you’re saying my name now.”
“This isn’t funny!”
“I find it plenty funny.”
“That’s because of your trash sense of humour.”
“Mhm.”
“Don’t look so smug.”
Mondays are the days that make you want to scream in agony, not Thursdays—though they are pretty high up on the worst days of the week list. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pretending to be in love with someone you simply cannot be in love with is an awful idea.
Soulmates don’t need to be in love with each other, you think to yourself. There’s plenty of soulmates who are just in it for the financial benefits; you can just pretend to be one of them. This dilemma is starting to fray your nerves and Jung Yoonoh, with his lax disposition and dimpled cheeks, is making it worse. And to top it off, you now have to take him to your favourite (kind of secret) cafe in the name of the lies that slipped your tongue. It was supposed to be a quiet comfort spot for you.
You blow a puff of air out and dismiss the thought. Comfort spots aren’t real anyway when you’re all grown. There’s bound to be a breach.
However, you will not let the (lacking) romance department of your life get sorted out by someone who doesn’t even know you. Lady luck would be an acquaintance to you at most. If fate is a game of chance after all, you might as well be the one spinning the roulette. You look at Jaehyun, piecing together the perfect plan for this seemingly frivolous play-pretend. The game is in your hands now.
You blink at the figure of Jung Yoonoh under February sunlight on a modestly busy sidewalk. It’s not something to be surprised at—however, the stark contrast in attire makes you stare longer than you intend to. Wearing a black graphic hoodie and pair of worn out jeans, Jaehyun looks about as casual as you can bear. It’s always weird to see coworkers out of formal clothing.
“Are you just going to stare at me till Doyoung comes and picks us up?” he asks.
You roll your eyes.
“You look nice,” he says, and you glance down at your outfit with a flush of heat over your cheeks. It’s just a short A-line skirt, stockings and a sweatshirt. This is as basic as you get. What’s worse is that his comment didn’t sound sarcastic.
“You- You look nice too. I guess.” Once in a while, you will say something extremely stupid and pretend it never happened. The frequency increases around Jaehyun for some damn reason.
“You guess? I’m pretty sure I look more than nice.”
“And how long did you look at yourself in the mirror and practise catchphrases this time?”
Jaehyun’s ears turn the shade of cherries and you press down your smile. You knew that time you caught him talking to himself in front of a car window would play to your advantage.
“What’s that you’re holding?” you ask, eyeing the plastic bag he’s holding.
“Ginseng,” he answers, staring blankly at the cars passing by. “I heard the couples therapist is in his sixties so he might find it useful.”
“Oh, old people stuff,” you muse quietly. “That’s quite thoughtful of you.”
You should’ve brought something, you think for a moment before realizing that couples probably don’t give separate gifts.
“Thanks,” you mutter.
He raises an eyebrow. “For what?”
You shake your head. “Anyway, we might as well kill some time. Twenty questions. Let’s go.”
He laughs. “What are we, in college?”
You wrinkle your nose. “Don’t make us sound like we’re thirty. I bet you’re the kind of guy who has his retirement plan figured out.”
“Wrong,” he emphasizes, face leaning closer.
“Fine. I’ll start the questions, you unsalted block of butter. How many relationships have you been in?”
Jaehyun opens his mouth and closes it, ears turning red. “That’s your first question?”
You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m guessing it’s single digit and on the lower side.”
He rolls his eyes. “How many relationships have you been in?”
You shut your mouth. There’s a moment of silence, a breeze passing you by, carrying winter away in its arms to make room for spring.
“Never found a relationship worth it,” you mutter, glancing away.
Jaehyun hesitates before opening his mouth. “Me neither.”
“Good thing for us, eh? Love makes people crazy.”
Jaehyun faces you with a clipped smile. Never did you think Jaehyun from marketing would be relating to you on a personal matter.
“Oh, but I’ve had enough hookups and I can bet you’re mediocre at best in bed.”
Jaehyun glares at you. “I am not and I can prove it to you.”
“Is that an invitation into your bed? No, thanks.”
He opens his mouth to retort but is interrupted by the Hyundai Grandeur pulling up to the sidewalk and rolling down the driver window to reveal Doyoung. He looks as overworked as usual, but his eyes are more tired, a bit of makeup covering the dark circles. You’ve heard his soulmate is a makeup artist for an idol group and wonder how they even came to be. Does fate throw darts randomly and pick its choice?
“Get in. Quick,” Doyoung instructs. “I have to drop you off and head home. My family is visiting. I didn’t even get a warning and they think I’m in a gay relationship with Taeyong because we still have our friendship rings from college.”
You want to laugh and agree but Doyoung looks rather pissed off so you hold it in. The two of you do as told, getting in the backseat and shutting the doors in sync. The car smells rather leafy mingling with the scent of fresh clothes and you eye the jar dangling from the rear-view mirror. You open your mouth to ask what scent that is when Doyoung’s voice rings out.
“What’s that?” Doyoung signals to the bag with Jaehyun.
Jaehyun looks down. “Ginseng extract.”
“Oh, the gift pack?” Doyoung asks.
Jaehyun nods and Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “If that’s for Mr. Lee, forget it. He hates gifts. Something about inward appreciation and shit.”
Jaehyun groans, massaging his forehead. “What do I do with this then? Is this guy a priest?”
“Give it to Doyoung,” you suggest. “His family’s visiting.”
You hear an audible hum of approval from the driver seat and turn to Jaehyun making a face of reluctance. Maybe he isn’t so magnanimous after all, you think smiling.
“You’re both quite tame today,” Doyoung remarks, just when the silence is starting to swallow the inside of the car. “Makes me wonder if you need Mr. Lee after all.”
“We actually don’t…” You shake your head. “We’re here and it’s free so why not?”
Jaehyun shoots you a questioning look. It’s not like you can cancel when you’re in Doyoung’s car and already on the way. You’ve known your boss long enough to know the wrong answer to his questions. You look outside at Seoul streets and sigh.
Jaehyun looks at you, your focus elsewhere and wishes this would end already. He has no idea what overcame him to accept your ridiculous offer but he must be just as ridiculous. At the very least, he finds you quite lovely to look at—not that he’d ever admit it to you. The foundation to this weird bickering friendship (if he can call it that) would be ruined by that. His ego, however, has been boosted up a few notches from the fact that you called him for help. He looks outside the window, holding back a smile. It’s a sunny day.
The therapist, Mr. Lee’s office building is a fancy one with an even fancier lobby. Baby pink leather couches cushion your bum nicely as you wait for your appointment. The architecture is that of a corporate firm and you feel quite at home with the large glass walls by the revolving door. This therapist guy must be rich as hell. The receptionist wears a formal uniform; her blouse is light pink with a grey pencil skirt and you like the look of it. You wonder if asking her where she bought it is time-appropriate. More couples sit around you and you, unfortunately, have to scoot closer to Jaehyun as a result. You do not want to catch that disease they all have. Why are they even here for therapy if they’re smiling at each other in that sickly enamored way?
Now that you’re here, you’re starting to feel that this arrangement was ill-decisive. You should’ve done a better job of acting. You wonder if you can get a refund for that college course on acting, pouting as the ticking wall clock gets on your nerves. Even the marble floors are pink; the walls are mahogany red and there’s a heart-shaped wall clock, and should you glance around more, you’re going to nauseate yourself. This guy certainly takes his job seriously—or just really likes pink-red themes.
A woman in her early thirties exits the elevator and announces your names, and you click your tongue at the fact that she used Jung for your surname. It sounds distasteful.
You follow her, starting to get nervous. You really hope this Mr. Lee isn’t as good as Doyoung says he is. Your fraud falling apart within three days is too embarrassing a defeat, not to mention bordering on illegal if found out. What the fuck does the government care about broken hearts and beneficial relationships? It’s so nosy. You understand the financial situation in case of happily bonded soulmates but apart from that, there really shouldn’t be this much discrepancy in the name of love.
Love drives people crazy. You’d rather not lose your good sense in the name of something so inane. After all, money makes the world go around, not love.
Restricting a gag at the deep red heart on the door, you push them open with Jaehyun to find an old man sitting on a similar baby pink couch as in the lobby. He gets up to greet the two of you, the wrinkles on his face deepening when he smiles. Despite everything, he has a sort of grace to him, the one that comes with growing old elegantly. An upbeat song plays on a record player attached to the wall, although at a very low volume, and the tune reminds you of Animal Crossing.
“Doyoung told me about the two of you,” Mr. Lee says, gesturing at the two of you to sit down. “How long has it been since you found out?”
“Six days,” you answer at the same time Jaehyun answers, “Four days”.
The two of you look at each other.
“Four-Six days. We didn’t keep track.”
“Ah,” Mr. Lee says. “How do you propose to celebrate your anniversary?”
You hesitate opening your mouth and declaring that you don’t really need to do that crap. Mr. Lee notices your expression and breaks into gentle laughter.
“I’m kidding. Anniversary dates don’t matter,” he laughs. “It’s okay to celebrate your 100-day on the wrong day. Don’t worry.”
You purse your lips. To your dismay, Jaehyun isn’t as bothered by the sickly pink environment and Mr. Lee’s relaxed demeanour.
“I have a hundred percent success rate,” Mr. Lee assures the two of you, looking directly at you.
“That’s what I’m worried about,” you mutter under your breath and get a nudge from Jaehyun, who has his politest smile on.
You can’t believe Jaehyun has a better customer service mode than you do. If you didn’t know him, you’d be fooled into thinking he’s the nice guy character every office has. Unfortunately, that one goes to Dongmin. You hate getting stuck with nice guys (unless they offer financial stability).
“I think Doyoung might have been exaggerating,” Jaehyun explains calmly. “Whatever he told you.”
“He told me the two of you have a bickering problem. And staring at each other when the other isn’t looking.”
You cough. “That is not true. The staring part.”
Jaehyun narrows his eyes at you. “I knew you were checking me out,” he mutters.
You roll your eyes. “Keep dreaming, Jaehyun.”
Mr. Lee laughs. “Your bickering seems to be quite affectionate. I don’t know what that boy was worried about.”
You press your lips together into a thin smile, annoyed that anyone would ever describe your interaction with a man as affectionate. It makes you feel like an idiot. You were always better off alone—the universe was wrong to assign Dongmin to you. Maybe you needed to see the apparent love of your life clearly in love with someone else to snap you to reality.
“However, what is a playful lover’s fight in the beginning can turn into real fights.”
“Right,” you mutter. “It’s all fun and games in the beginning.”
“The two of you have almost no animosity—you’ve known each other before you discovered the soulmark, right?”
The two of you nod, having already reconciled yourselves to this session. It’s a one-time thing, you tell yourself. It will be over soon.
“The soulmate information shouldn’t influence the relationship you already had. If anything, it should be drawing you closer. First time awkwardness is common.”
He’s starting to sound a lot like your high school sex ed teacher. You get the idea to pretend to be sick and get out of this early.
“Company policy too,” Jaehyun mutters. “Unofficial company policy makes office romance out to be some sort of sacrilege.”
“You know, I was the CEO of your company so I do know the policies,” Mr. Lee says, smiling in the confident, reserved way senior citizens offering wisdom do.
You choke on the water you were taking a sip of, a coughing fit overcoming you and Jaehyun hesitates before awkwardly patting your back.
“Huh? CEO? I’m sorry?” you manage.
Mr. Lee lets out a loud, hearty laugh. “I stepped down two years ago.”
“That’s when I joined,” you and Jaehyun say at the same time.
Mr. Lee smiles at the two of you wordlessly. “I have an idea for the two of you. Why don’t you try turning your ‘I’s into ‘we’s? Do some activities together and when you talk about it, you’ll find yourself much closer.”
You narrow your eyes. “You know, Mr. Lee, I’m a little curious about your relation with the company—”
“My recommendations won’t help you get promotions faster.”
“Dammit.”
Jaehyun chuckles beside you but a glare from you turns it into a suppressed smile. The one thing that wouldn’t be a waste of time opened its door and closed it right back.
“But you know how promotions work,” you press, leaning forward.
An alarm rings, so pleasant in tone that you know it’s a Samsung. Unfortunately, it’s the ugly flip model and you question Mr. Lee’s taste (and wealth).
“Oh, look, time’s up,” Mr. Lee announces, and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in his voice.
Jaehyun springs up before his ears turn red, embarrassed by the gusto with which he himself got up and looks at you expectantly. You get up, sighing.
“Next time, Mr. Lee,” you warn. “I will get those details.”
“I charge by the hour.” He smiles.
“Stop threatening the therapist,” Jaehyun mutters to you, taking your arm and turning to leave.
“Oh, and,” Mr. Lee calls. “It’s always better to be honest than to pretend.”
You blink in surprise when Jaehyun tugs at your arm, bowing in thanks and leaving the room with you.
“Was it just me or did he see through us?” you whisper to Jaehyun.
He shakes his head, whispering back, “There’s no way he could tell. He’s probably referring to something else.”
“Like what?”
Jaehyun doesn’t answer.
“Tell me, are you always so domineering towards strangers even?” he asks. “I just thought you liked to press my buttons because I’m easygoing.”
You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not as cool as you think you are, especially since you get so hot and bothered by me.”
“It’s just you,” he whispers earnestly and your pulse rises. “No one else.”
You cough to kill the awkward silence and walk faster to the elevator. Jaehyun follows at a leisurely pace and it’s never occurred to you before but the sound of someone’s footsteps can also be annoying, proof currently standing beside you.
The elevator doors open, and much to your appallment, a young couple happens to be full blown making out inside the elevator, hands where there certainly shouldn’t be in broad daylight. Jaehyun whips his face away, clearing his throat loud enough for the couple to detach themselves from each other and hurriedly exit, fixing their clothes on the way.
“So he wasn’t lying about the success rate,” Jaehyun states quietly, a look of resigned horror on his face.
You can’t even respond for a few moments, following him into the elevator and shaking your head to get rid of the thought that inevitably jams itself inside your head. It might have a point, however.
"Maybe we should kiss too," you think out loud.
Jaehyun stiffens, looking at you with wide, fearful eyes. "No."
"We have to kiss, we're dating!" You exclaim, hands on your hips.
"We're not actually—ah, whatever. It’s not worth bickering with you."
"Why? Afraid you'll fall in love with me?”
Jaehyun shakes his head, and you’re suddenly aware that your bickering keeps drawing you closer to each other, your faces nearer than you’d realized.
"If anything," he starts with a confident smile. "You better not fall in love with me."
"Oh, please. You're taking this way too seriously."
"You're the one that wants to kiss me."
Your cheeks heat up. "You're- I- That's not—argh, fuck you."
Jaehyun looks smug, and you have the unstoppable urge to punch it off his face. You take a deep breath. Violence is not the way, (name).
“If we were a few years younger, you’d be begging for mercy under me,” you seethe.
Jaehyun’s eyes shift over your face in confusion, ears burning bright red with each passing second. Before he can open his mouth, you let out a short yell.
“Not like that, you pervert,” you say, leaning away from him.
“I didn’t even say anything. On an unrelated note, were you a delinquent in school?”
You roll your eyes. “Kind of. I had a temper and a sharp tongue.”
“And now you’re a people pleaser. That’s quite the development.”
You smack his shoulder. “You’re getting on my nerves, punk.”
He makes an ‘oh’ with his mouth before smiling. “You totally did the delinquent accent.”
“I’m guessing you were the shy, little boy who flushed red at conversations about kissing.”
Jaehyun clears his throat in annoyance. “I was not. I was quite popular in high school and college, you know?”
“Yeah,” you mutter. “It’s that face of yours.”
“Sorry, what? I didn’t catch that.”
“Oh, look, we’re on the first floor.” You exit the elevator, leaving a puzzled Jaehyun to follow in stumbling steps.
“I don’t think Doyoung’s picking us up,” you state. “You take the bus? Or do you have a car to flex? I don’t ride in anything below a Tesla, unless it’s Doyoung because he’s technically my boss.”
“You’ll have to do with good old rented Hyundais,” he answers.
You exhale. Maybe he’s getting used to you. The bus stop is opposite the building, the structure squeaky clean and a bunch of people waiting on the seats. It’s a busy place and you wonder if the scammy-therapist-slash-your-former-ceo’s business has anything to do with that. You sit the first chance you get, shoulders pressed against Jaehyun’s for the lack of space and admiring the passing traffic. Seoul really just depends on the lenses you see through. Work days make the screen tinted grey and blue and you hate them often but some days, it’s good to experience those. Weekends are brighter, sunny and usually not with Jaehyun but he doesn’t really put a damper on them either.
You scan his side profile, a little envious when you realize that his confidence isn’t misplaced. You might have trained yourself to be more of a pleaser over the years but he’s the sort of person people come to like naturally. Moreover, his skin is perfect and his hair is always looking styled even in a mess. Fate and Life are partners in crime when it comes to being unfair.
Jaehyun turns to look at you and you snap your head to your lap, turning on your phone and staring at the homescreen for a good few seconds.
“Twenty questions,” Jaehyun announces. “Let’s play again. I’ll go first. Do you check me out when I walk away?”
“What is this, playing my own cards against me?” You scoff. “You’re so full of yourself.”
“So, yes or no?”
“Sometimes,” you mutter. “But it’s not the good kind of checking out. I’m checking out how terrible you look with your mess of a tie.”
Jaehyun laughs, the sound a hearty rumbling sort and you can’t help but smile back at that. It’s kind of cute when he laughs—the sound of it and the way his cheeks are dusted pink.
“My turn,” you say with a cheeky smile as you lean in to whisper. “Have you ever had a wet dream about me?”
Jaehyun chokes on air, coughing out the surprise as he stares at you dumfound. You stick the tip of your tongue out and throw him a wink, thoroughly enjoying this victory against him. It feels great to fluster someone like Jaehyun.
“No,” he says with clear emphasis.
“Even the night you said I was so unbearably hot very loudly to Sicheng?”
Jaehyun leans back sighing, covering his face with his hand. “I was tipsy. And it was my first night out with coworkers. Give me a break.”
You giggle. “Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were worse incidents that night. An intern threw up on Doyoung’s shoes—I can’t even imagine the horror the poor girl experienced.”
Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling through his hand.
“Have you ever sent nudes?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows.
He sighs. “Maybe. Have you?”
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”
He curls his lips. The answer seems to be no but you’re at least seventy percent sure he would be attracted to you in a world where your personality traits weren’t being nosy and annoying.
“Do you think you’re a good kisser?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
“Definitely.”
He scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You cross your arms.
He shrugs, leaning in slightly as though flirting (if he had the audacity). “We could test that.”
You feel your cheeks heat up. “What happened to no kissing in the contract?”
“It’s not officially there.”
You roll your eyes, glancing away. “You know, I’m starting to believe you were some sort of desperate fuckboy in college.”
“I- I was the hottest dude on campus and if we went to the same college, you would be pining after me. I literally had the Campus Prince title and girls would follow me to see me in class.”
He crosses his arms, a frown tugging down his lips.
“Ooh, Jung Yoonoh’s getting fired up,” you say in a monotonous voice. “Wonder how many girls you pulled with your chewed up fuckboy dialogue.”
Jaehyun scoffs but he clearly finds your accusations amusing, as hinted by his unbothered smile. He asks a question again.
“What’s more important to you—truth or happiness?”
The question catches you off-guard. Jaehyun’s eyes are delicately curious, nothing too strong and even so, you find yourself holding your breath under his gaze.
“Huh?”
“Twenty questions. We were playing?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.
“Right.” You clear your throat, rubbing the back of your hand. “I… I’d choose happiness, I think. I’m… I’m not sure.”
“Really?” He doesn’t look too hellbent on taking apart your answer so you breathe out. He’s starting to pry into you finally. “I think the truth will make you happier.”
“That’s not- that’s not always true.” You look away, hoping the quietness of your voice ends the conversation there. You don’t know how to talk about it—you never really have. You’ve ugly cried over the lack of your love life to a stranger after five shots of whiskey but you don’t think you can talk about things like this sober. You don’t even know why you answered. Jaehyun makes you feel oddly comfortable.
Jaehyun shrugs, getting up when the next bus halts in front.
“What did you major in?” you ask, following him.
“Business,” he answers before thinking. “Kind of hated it. But I started out with IT and that was somehow worse.”
You gasp, taking a seat beside him on the bus. “I started with IT too! It was a nightmare. You took that Database Management course?”
Jaehyun smiles. “It was like the course equivalent of reading the back of a Wi-Fi Router.”
You laugh. Maybe he isn’t so different after all.
“You know, you do look like a business major,” you hum, furrowing your brows as you pretend to scrutinise him.
“So, you’re indirectly saying I either look like a rich kid or a jackass.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.
“They’re both the same thing.”
The laughter from the two of you makes an old woman behind you grunt in displeasure and the two of you apologize. It’s nice to talk like college kids again. The Seoul sunlight shines on Jaehyun’s face and you bite back a smile when his dimples appear. They aren’t all that bad. If you get along like this, there’s no reason to worry about fate and the universe and other superfluous things offered to you on a boring old ceramic plate. It’s a smooth ride.
Your eyes drift to Dongmin’s workspace instinctively and you shake your head. This is exactly why you were avoiding him and even started the entire fake relationship with Jaehyun. You’d choose fake dating a (good-looking) chump from management over embarrassment and possible heartbreak any day.
You groan internally before glancing again and find the desk empty. Surprised, you blink and turn only to scream at Dongmin’s figure behind you.
“Shh!” he says urgently. “Don’t move. And don’t panic when I say this but there’s a bug on your shoulder.”
“What the fuck? Get it off, please,” you say, voice choking up.
Dongmin rolls up a stack of papers and you let out a low screech. “Don’t kill it on my shoulder!”
“Sorry,” he says and your eyes soften as he gently pushes the paper against your shoulder and takes it away. You breathe a sigh of relief and he signs you a thumbs up as he wiggles the paper in the air outside the window.
“You saved me,” you say, smiling.
He returns it, his most beloved eye smile making you wonder if you made the right choice. Wouldn’t it be fun to just crash everything and watch it burn? You know you want to. Benevolence and grace were never your style. However, it’s his smile again that stops you. Maybe you don’t really want to be the bad guy after all. You’re sparing him from confusion and dread.
You’re sparing yourself from rejection and inevitable loneliness (yay).
It’s been a week, discussing details with Jaehyun before the both of you collectively decided to just wing it and hope you’re not caught. After all, there’s no real way to prove you’re not soulmates if you’re careful enough (the same way you can’t prove someone’s cheating if they’re careful enough but that’s quite a depressing analogy). Perhaps if you renounce the soulmate benefits (and Dongmin didn’t smile as often at you), it would be less morally taxing. You, however, are greedy. When you want something, you’ll do anything to get it.
You stare at the computer screen and sigh, cross checking the employee records for incorrect data and your eyelids start to droop. Of all the days, you just had to be assigned the most boring task on a Friday. You also should’ve gotten sleep instead of getting mad at Jaehyun’s dry responses to your plan of action. It was perfectly viable; unnecessary, but perfect nonetheless.
Soojin rolls her chair backwards into yours. “We’re going drinking tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your boy-toy too.”
You roll your eyes. “As much as I’d love to call him that, he’s still the chump from marketing for me.”
“Or,” Soojin emphasizes. “Your actual soulmate. How lucky is it that you work in the same building, in the same company?”
“I’m not sure if you’re being ironic.” You scroll through the database with trained eyes.
“I’m not. A lot of soulmates don’t even get to see each other because of their line of work. It’s so tragic.”
You’d be glad if you didn’t get to see Dongmin ever too. But you’ll keep that to yourself. You hum in response and hear a sigh from behind you.
“Let’s have fun,” she whines. “Is Jaehyun that much of a downer? He’s one of the hottest dudes in the building. I thought you’d be cheery.”
You pause and think to yourself. She does have a point. You’re definitely supposed to look happier. Your soulmate has the looks of a model and fifteen year old you would fawn over him no doubt.
“It’s the work,” you answer. “I’m working overtime to compensate for my rent.”
You work overtime anyway because you hate heading home to an empty apartment.
“Ah, you signed a new lease, right? Near Songpa?” Soojin looks at you with pity and pats your shoulder. “You know what? I’ll treat you to drinks tonight. You deserve a day off, missy.”
You smile. “Thanks, Soojin.”
“And,” she adds in a singsong voice. “The love of your life is here.”
You furrow your eyebrows before tilting your head and almost sighing in exasperation at the figure of Jung Yoonoh outside the glass door. He may not show it, but you know distress when you see it. You’ve seen enough squirming undergraduates at company interviews.
You quickly get up from your seat, praying that he didn’t mess something up. However, you find it cute when he looks like this, the urge to fluster him even more presenting itself to be rather tempting.
“I think you have a sick obsession with me, Jaehyun.” You cross your arms after closing the door behind you.
He exhales, closing his eyes for a moment before taking your arm and pulling you away from the door.
“Woah, this isn’t high school. You can’t just pull me into a corner to make out.”
Jaehyun’s ears flare hot red and he clears his throat. “You’re in high spirits today.”
You weren’t, actually. Somehow, teasing Jaehyun gives you the same rush as caffeine. You just love when the nonchalance on his face turns into discomposure.
“I came to give Doyoung these files. Or you, since you’re practically his assistant.”
You ignore his comment. “There’s clearly something else.”
“The team sports event is coming up,” Jaehyun starts, hesitating. “I’m not managing it this year. I have to participate.”
“So?”
“So Dongmin has a higher chance of finding us out. What if he sees my mark in the changing room and it all goes to shit?”
“Great! He’ll think you’re his soulmate and I’ll be spared from this nonsense.”
“I’m being serious. It’s already difficult living with Sicheng and having to change with my doors locked. It’s kind of suspicious.”
“Do you guys sleep naked with each other or what?”
“No, but I do sleep with my shirt off.”
“Ugh. Why would you give me that image?” you complain. The image isn’t bad per se but it’s not what you need right now.
“You clearly liked it,” he mutters.
You furrow your eyebrows. “You’re not doing this just to give me a load of unnecessary anxiety, are you? Do you know how swamped with work I am?”
“No, of course not,” he answers, no indication of which question he answered. “Also, is there a reason Soojin’s glaring at me?”
You wave your hand in dismissal. “It’s just the haven’t-warmed-up-to-coworker’s-new-boyfriend glare. Don’t worry about it.”
He doesn’t seem too relieved but you have more anxious thoughts invading the privacy of your Friday evening. You have to keep up your composure. It could happen one way or another, perhaps in a situation better than a team sports activity, but you have to figure it out. You reject your soulmate anyway—the same way he would.
Glaring at Jaehyun one last time, you get back to your desk. Jaehyun looks at your receding figure and finds himself checking you out, the largest blow he’s taken to his dignity. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. This is so not like him. He’s supposed to be the suave, handsome guy who people can’t seem to get to and yet—yet, you do it so easily. It’s unfair. He swallows his heart and tells himself he’s too old to feel this way. He’ll just drown himself in work and pretend love is a commodity like everyone else with a corporate job is supposed to.
“You know,” Soojin starts when you get back. “Jaehyun kind of looks high if you look at him long enough. Weed is illegal though but who knows? Maybe he’s a bad boy deep down after all.”
“Which rumour have you been paying attention to now?” You sigh deeply.
Soojin laughs. “It’s funny to hear everyone’s opinions. Even if most of them turn into scandalous tall tales.”
“Anyway,” she continues. “I’m clocking out. I’ll get Jaehyun to take you to the sake bar.”
You look at her, puzzled.
“You’re a matching set now,” she follows up and you groan.
“Don’t give me that cr—”
“Toodle-oo! Let’s have some fun before we’re grey and old, eh?”
You sigh and nod. Maybe you should look into a caffeine fix, even if it costs you a mental power outage at the end of the rush. It’s not like you to be so down on a Friday but alas, Fate is as miserable a woman as you are. The sake bar is starting to sound good.
Or, you could always watch a few ASMR cooking videos instead of staring blankly at the employee records. Either way, this Friday better improve by tonight.
“This is going great,” Soojin says, louder than she probably intended after her fourth shot.
“Of course it is,” you mutter.
You haven’t yet had a chance to drink more because of two reasons: one) Soojin is hogging the alcohol and two) it would be embarrassing to get drunk in front of Jaehyun. Adding to your misery, Soojin has been gushing over her soulmate and the way she always makes breakfast for Soojin, listing off every single recipe she’s made. You would love to listen but you’re a tiny bit past your limit.
“Wooh, Jaehyun, you look hot,” Soojin whistles, in more of an older sister manner. “I can almost see your tattoo. Why don’t the two of you show us at the same time and we can take a commemorative picture?”
You cough loudly. “Mine’s on my waist, Soojin. I’m not ready to expose skin.”
“Right. Sorry.” She turns back at lightning speed to bother Dongmin with her stories, who smiles at her politely. It seems so genuine that you’re slightly enamored with it for a moment. There’s Jungwoo from marketing beside him, some more HR employees and thankfully, no interns. Doyoung is the only one partly miserable in the lot, talking into the phone for half an hour now.
“Shit.” Jaehyun nudges you and whispers, “I forgot about the tattoo. This T-shirt makes it very visible.”
You look at him, alarmed. You fix his jacket, startling him, and pull the zipper all the way to his neck, making sure to backhand him on the chin.
“There.”
“It’s hot in here.”
“What do you want me to do about it? God, you’re like a child.”
“I’m like a—okay. Just cover my tattoo with foundation or something.”
“You think I carry around a whole bottle of foundation?”
Jaehyun blinks, deeming it safer to keep his mouth shut.
“Okay. Fine. I have an idea. Come to the washroom with me.”
“Oh my, this isn’t your making out in the corner type of thing, right?”
You glare at him and he shuts up, following you quietly to the surprisingly clean restroom. The fact that it isn’t gendered makes you very glad. You make Jaehyun sit on the low enough basin counter and push your knee against it to balance yourself as you take out a permanent marker from your bag.
“I hope Doyoung doesn’t fire me for sneaking away,” you mutter angrily. “He didn’t even make me receive his calls all day.”
Jaehyun scoffs lightly. “Please, Doyoung adores you and your work ethic. He talks about it more than what I need to overhear. That and Taeyong’s detailed aquarium maintenance rules.”
“He does?”
Jaehyun clears his throat and you hold back bombing him with more questions till you’re done with painting an arrow into his tattoo.
“Isn’t it weird?” He looks at you with round, curious eyes. “Yours is a heart. Mine’s a pierced heart.”
“Hm. Funny coincidence.”
“Do you have to sit on my lap for this?”
“I’m not sitting on your lap,” you hiss. You are kind of close. You train your eyes on his collarbone as you pull his neckline down.
It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this. You’d rather be caught making out with someone in the broom closet. You hold back a pained sigh. Jaehyun has some nerve speaking to you when you’re already annoyed with him. Couldn’t he just have worn his business attire? Why does he get to go home early? Taeyong is far too lenient a boss. You start swearing internally, getting nervous when you think about the consequences of your actions.
“Has anyone ever filed a complaint against you?” Jaehyun asks, and you nudge his chin upwards to draw the line on his tattoo.
“For what? Being perfect and successful?”
“For that attitude. The ‘take what I want’ attitude.”
You roll your eyes. “No. You’re saying it like I’m awful to the core for trying to take what I want. I haven’t got such a bad soul, you know, as souls go. You wouldn't write articles about how good a soul it is but… it’s well enough.”
Jaehyun raises an eyebrow and you avert your gaze from his eyes. This sort of proximity shouldn’t be bothering you, you shouldn’t be rambling.
The door opens right then and in a fit of panic, you do the unthinkable. You press your lips to Jaehyun’s and pray that whoever walked in has no idea who you are and more importantly, can’t see the permanent marker in your hand.
“I’m so sorry!”
You know that voice. You half regret it when you hear it. Dongmin exits the bathroom as quickly as he entered and you pull away to look at the empty space. Beside you, Jaehyun stays so still that you forget he’s there for a moment. You breathe out in relief though part of you still feels a heavy ounce of regret.
You turn back to Jaehyun and find his doe eyes soft and lost in thought.
“I get it now,” Jaehyun whispers. “It must hurt. That he doesn’t care about the system.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That he’s so reckless about discarding you.”
You separate yourself from him further, standing up and brushing your clothes. “You’re overstepping.”
“Sorry,” he responds quietly.
There’s a pause.
“Did you just kiss me right now?”
“Shut up. I didn’t want him to see us and especially this.” You wave the marker in front of his face.
“You just kissed me in a fit of panic. That’s the first time I’ve seen someone respond to panic this way.” Jaehyun looks a little too smug.
“What are you implying?”
“You wanted to kiss me.”
You scoff. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.”
You want to knock the smile right off his face but you stick to flicking his forehead, his yell of surprise satisfying. This Friday night was supposed to get better. In fact, you are going to make it better if life won’t. The soju won’t drink itself and you deem that Soojin has had enough.
Ignoring Dongmin’s confused look, you order far too many soju shots to be considered healthy. As you promised yourself, you are going to make this Friday better.
//
You just had to go and get drunk. Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly and wondering just how much you can embarrass yourself before it becomes a burden for him. He has to get you home; you’re practically a matching set now. But are the halves of a pair supposed to take care of the other when they get drunk?
“You know what, guys?” You announce, standing up abruptly and immediately getting pulled back to your seat by Jaehyun. It doesn’t stop your mouth however.
“I hate the stupid system,” you continue. “To tell the truth—”
He smacks his hand over your mouth. Jaehyun has had enough of the silent mini heart attacks you give him. The rest look at him with puzzled looks and he can’t even bring himself to give them a polite smile before dragging you out of the bar. The night breeze is cold enough—maybe it’ll sober you up.
"You're so annoying, Jaehyun," you mutter, massaging your forehead. "Did you know that?"
Or maybe it won’t.
"Never heard that before."
"How do you always keep to yourself and still be the center of attention?" You cling to his arm for balance.
"Have you considered that maybe a polite man isn't as scheming as you think he is?"
You curl your lips. "Stop using big sentences. I hate that I barely know you, and I know everyone."
Jaehyun purses his lips. "You just enjoy the power that comes with figuring people out. Don't you?"
"Whatever you say. I want life to be a nice and smooth ride but then again, I can't even face my soulmate." You let out an airy laugh. "I didn't really need one though."
Jaehyun laughs in disbelief. "You look like you're dying of loneliness."
"Ooh, that's a big claim, Yoonoh."
"You say I keep to myself but what about you? You like hiding, don't you?"
You laugh. "Is this the part where I say we're nothing alike?"
He purses his lips, shaking his head in dismissal. He's just tired of chit-chat with someone who smells like she robbed a liquor store in Itaewon.
“You must think I’m some sort of selfish, vapid, work-obsessed overachiever,” you continue, tilting your head with a blank look in your eyes.
“Well, not exac—”
“But guess what? Your opinions are invalid, Jung Yoonoh. You’re just some chump from marketing. A very good-looking chump but still.”
Jaehyun swears under his breath as you fling your arms open in the same manner a speech-giving patriot fighting for freedom would. Unfortunately, the freedom struggle is private in this day and age, and you just smacked him in the nose instead.
You sigh deeply and he looks at you again, warily now as he holds his nose.
“You’re not exactly wrong either. I’m so empty. Like a bottle of soju with no soju. Could you bring me some?”
Jaehyun massages his temples and solidifies his resolve. He’s had enough stares from people on the sidewalk. With delicate concern, he holds you up with one arm around your waist, balancing your weight evenly so you can stand. Promptly, you bury your face into his neck and an embarrassing, high-pitched squeak evades the filter of his mouth. You’re just so adept at making his days (and nights) worse.
Jaehyun tries his best to carry you to the parking lot without any signs of struggle but good lord, are you uncooperative. Once he’s down lugging you to the passenger seat, he breathes out in relief at long last and makes sure you don’t fold in over yourself dozing off the seat. Getting you to sit up, he finds himself smiling the slightest bit at your smudged lipstick. Even like this, you’re quite pretty.
Realizing what thought came over him, he shakes his head vigorously as if he’s committing a horrible crime. He just has to get you home—Soojin had texted him the address prior to the outing just in case—and then he can go back to pretending whatever he even is supposed to.
The sports event is really just HR and Management trying to one-up the other in a more quantitative way. You’re not really fond of the sweat and heavy breathing that comes with physical exertion if it’s for the sake of competition. Competition is such a childish, masculine way of handling things, especially emotions.
HR is leading in wins, however and that means you have something to rub in Jaehyun’s face. You hate participating but you’re not allowed to opt out without a medical certificate. At least one competition, and you had to choose the three-legged race. All these potential partners, and Dongmin had to choose you.
“I’ll win,” you tell Jaehyun, stopping by him once you exit the changing room. The indoor stadium is usually a recreational facility for senior employees but on sports day, it’s closer to a gladiator arena. The seats are green and occupied by grinning employees, most of them glad for a day off but also upset they don’t get to attend their personal affairs in it.
Jaehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Shouldn’t it be a ‘we’? You need a partner. Oh, are you sad you can’t pick me?”
“Not at all.” You cross your arms, annoyed at his mock pity.
Right then, Dongmin jogs up to you in a blue tracksuit. His hair sticks to his forehead because unlike you, he takes sports very seriously. Jaehyun, on the other hand, just seems to enjoy the competition. As a guilty pleasure, you’d like to see the two of them compete one day. That would be a competition worth betting on.
“I’ll have to borrow your soulmate.” Dongmin laughs. “The race is starting.”
Life strikes again with its poorly timed irony.
“Don’t mind me,” Jaehyun says politely.
The race is easier than you thought it would be considering most of the other employees struggle with teamwork. You’re the HR team for a reason. But then again, you feel a certain hollowness pervade you while you’re pressed to Dongmin’s side. Wouldn’t it be nice?
All you can think is that Dongmin and you are perfectly in sync. The realization comes off as sad despite your victory and the wide grins on both of your faces.
Jaehyun purses his lips and gives the two of you a nonchalant look. He’s avoided getting caught in the changing room quite well. For some reason, he’s glad that you’re winning but also dissatisfied about it. He would certainly feel different if he were participating in that race, wouldn’t he? He would win. Losing a competition is a huge blow to his ego. Lately, he seems to be losing a lot of races. The two of you have been growing closer and he doesn’t mind late night discussions about flawed systems and childhood memories; but the fact that you’re growing on him is something for him to be on edge about. He’s never felt so close to someone, and still so far.
“Oh, they have good chemistry, don’t they?” Doyoung comments beside Jaehyun, before taking a sip from his bottle.
“What chemistry?” Jaehyun snaps and Doyoung almost chokes on the water.
“Chill out, man.” Doyoung eyes Jaehyun’s figure in concern. “She’s like officially yours.”
Jaehyun refuses in a series of sputtering responses. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not jealous. I’m not that kind of man.”
“I didn’t paint you as that kind of man either,” Doyoung mutters before speaking up. “But love, Jaehyun. Love’s a weird thing.”
Jaehyunn ignores his comment and walks down to the grounds, jogging up to you. He immediately forgets to say anything at all. Smooth move, Yoonoh.
You just stick out your tongue at him subtly.
“I told you we’d win,” you say.
Jaehyun crosses his arms. “Congratulations. I thought you, quote, hate this stupid competition for dunces.”
You clear your throat and Dongmin laughs beside you. Before he can offer his bottle, Jaehyun offers his own in a rush. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.
“You guys really are a perfect pair.” Dongmin laughs. “Sometimes I wish Mijoo was my soulmate.”
You give him a pitiful smile. There go your happy feelings of victory.
“But I’m happy this way.” Dongmin nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t give me that look.”
That is not the look he thinks you were giving. You smile.
“What about this? We can go on a double date! Those are fun, right?” Dongmin muses, crossing his arms.
“No,” you and Jaehyun refuse in a panic, and Dongmin blinks in confusion at the overwhelming response.
“I'm more of a homebody,” you explain.
“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun agrees.
It makes Dongmin laugh aloud. “Oh, fate didn’t go wrong with the two of you.”
Your smile wavers. Did it go so wrong with you and Dongmin? Jaehyun’s hand brushes yours and you look at him. A perfect side profile and flushed hot cheeks with dimples to die for. You wouldn’t mind being in love with him. You don’t mind love much at all.
Shaking off the thought, you watch as Dongmin leaves the two of you to run to the changing rooms. Eyeing Jaehyun’s red team sweatshirt with “Management” in big typography over the chest, you look back up to his face.
“Why did you jog over here so desperately?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Jealous?”
“Yes. I am irreparably in love with you.”
He leans in quickly and you flinch, making his dimples show up.
“Asshole,” you curse. “I’ll file you for harassment. Don’t do that again.”
“Isn’t it harassment when you feel me up while you draw—” Jaehyun leans in to whisper. “—the soulmark?”
“I would never have my hands near your greasy existence if I could,” you huff, scandalized.
But the thing is, Jaehyun is getting better at this game of flustering each other and you don’t like it one bit.
“Hey, you know Dongmin’s girlfriend?” he asks suddenly.
You nod. “Kind of. I’ve seen her pictures on Instagram.”
Jaehyun pauses before humming in realization.
You cough. “Not that I was stalking them or something. Obviously.”
Jaehyun gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t question anything, much to your aggravation. It would’ve been better if you had a chance to prove you weren’t stalking them but then again, that is exactly what you were doing.
“Well, we went to the same college. Same major too.”
“Are you serious? Wait, how do you know? Does this mean you stalked their Instagram too?”
“Too?”
“Shut up.”
There’s a beat of silence.
“She’s not exactly the evil homewrecker type,” he says.
“I know that,” you snap. If anything, you feel like the evil homewrecker even if Dongmin’s supposed to be your soulmate.
They’re so reckless. Jaehyun was right—you do blame them in a way. They don’t care who they trample under their nauseating parade of romance. But then again, that parade is better than a personal rejection.
“I’m just saying… don't hold it against them.”
“I don’t remember asking for advice, Jung Yoonoh.”
Jaehyun shrugs, dropping the issue. The preparations for the next race is starting and it has something to do with passing balls from basket to basket—you get bored already when you see Doyoung stretch before shaking hands with Taeyong.
“Wanna get ice-cream? We funded the food truck this year.” Jaehyun looks expectantly at you.
“Sure.”
You contemplate holding his hand for a moment but let that thought bury itself. You don’t have to pretend right now.
Much to your despair (or delight) however, Jaehyun takes your hand absentmindedly as he walks towards the exit. It’s not that you’ve never held hands before, it’s just that Jaehyun’s skin is soft against yours.
“I can’t believe you and Mijoo were in the same course.”
It seems she’s ahead of you in every direction you look to tread on. Of course, you will not be telling Jaehyun that. You don’t exactly feel jealousy—can’t feel jealousy when your life is perfect as it is. And for Jaehyun? You hate to admit it but you’d trade places with Mijoo any day.
“Well, she didn’t really like socializing back then so I didn’t know we were in the same program either.”
You chuckle, glancing down at your intertwined fingers despite your best efforts. It feels nice like this. It feels nice to be wanted by someone—even if it’s a lie.
“Do you think- Do you think they’re brave?” You ask. “They didn’t even hesitate to disregard the system.”
“I think people in love are always brave.”
You hum, looking down at your feet. All the more reason the system fucked up. You were never even supposed to be partnered up. You’re not brave—the face you put on is. The idea of love seems to get further and further away from you.
Just then, Jaehyun tugs at your hand, walking slightly faster and making you complain as you jog to catch up with his long strides. The food truck is fairly large, on the street outside to the stadium entrance. February is catching up with its heat and you curse at global warming for this hot winter day.
“You can take up to five scoops of different flavours,” he informs you, grinning sheepishly. “I guess the cups aren’t large enough for beyond that.”
“I didn’t know you were this passionate about ice-cream,” you say.
“Sicheng rubbed off on me.”
You laugh. IT must have given Sicheng enough stress to develop a sweet tooth. You love the HR Department when you look at the others in your company.
Jaehyun has a nice smile. You don’t know why you think that but you do and now you can’t focus on anything apart from the pink dust sprinkled over his cheeks and the handsome dimples that accompany. You don’t want to stare but clearly, Jaehyun must have been blessed by some divide being if not for fate. Maybe he’s a mess up like you. As far as you know, his soulmate doesn’t exist. That little red heart is so simple that none of the soulmate designs match it.
A rather repulsing part of you is happy about it. You like the feel of Jaehyun’s hands. You like the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t mind it if he were yours.
Jaehyun’s house is as cosy as his mother makes you feel. It’s been a while since you’ve been home and if you were perhaps less emotionally constipated, you would have tears welling up in your eyes. There’s quite a few relatives too but then again, every Asian family jumps at the chance to celebrate something as mediocre as engagements and marriage and soulmate findings. Apparently, hormones are perfectly fine to them once you’re not teenagers anymore.
This isn’t so bad. What was so scary about meeting parents again? Jaehyun’s dad did challenge you with a questionnaire but lucky for you, you know exactly how interviews work. You’ve got enough information on Jaehyun from the man himself for this visit. The briefing he gave you was boring though; you already know what you need to know about Jaehyun.
You sit at the table, while most of the other guests work in the kitchen. Jaehyun’s mother asks you questions about your life, friendly and welcoming in every way possible. Mothers are truly god-sent. You wonder how she produced someone as far from divine as Jaehyun. (Except in looks, perhaps.)
You say that out loud and get a sharp quip from Jaehyun, his mother’s eyes lighting up at your childish interaction.
“Oh my, fate is never wrong!” She remarks with a wide smile. “I’ve never seen Jaehyun open up so much with anyone before. He was such a shy boy in school, you know? All the girls would send letters and confessions and he would just turn red in the face.”
“Mom.” He smiles all too sweet at her but you can see the panic in his eyes.
She rolls her eyes before turning to you. “Darling, you have no idea how proud I feel to see him this at ease. I was honestly getting tired of all the ‘your son is so polite and well-mannered’ comments. Some bickering ought to do him good.”
“Mom,” he repeats, straightening. “I think auntie needs some help setting up the table.”
“Don’t shoo me away yet. I have to tell (name) about the time you were elected class representative in middle school. And all those sports and acting awards.”
“You don’t have to advertise me, Mom,” he says, dropping his face into his hands to rub at his eyes, already growing tired. “I’m already- I’m already hers.”
His mother coos and apart from the expected deep red flush on Jaehyun’s skin, you find yourself feeling hot in the face too. Jaehyun’s aunt calls for his mother right then and you watch as she makes her way to the kitchen entrance, the two women glancing at you and giggling to each other over some shared words.
Jaehyun takes the opportunity to grab your hand and walk away to a more obscure part of the house upstairs. With significantly less relatives, it should be a good hiding spot unless discovered by his giggling cousins that he refuses to introduce you to.
“Aw, what a shy baby,” you coo, smiling at the thought of a younger, easily-flustered Jaehyun.
His ears are bright red and you think that he’s still easily flustered. He just doesn’t show it much anymore—there’s only one dead giveaway.
“Forget everything my mom said,” he instructs. “It’s not important information.”
“Oh, no, darling. Your mother is a gold mine of vital information. You know what? I’m going to go chat her up right now. I’m sure you were quite the teenage dream I should know about.”
Jaehyun grips your wrist before you can escape, pulling your closer.
“Don’t.”
You don’t know if it’s the proximity or the fact that there are most definitely a few family members that could walk in right now—but you find yourself embarrassed as you look at his face. It’s very pleasant, handsome even, and the strands of his hair look irresistibly soft from this distance. You reach your hand out and brush the hair out of his eyes, almost instinctively.
“You have nice eyes, Jaehyun,” you say out loud, not sure why. He doesn’t fluster this time but it makes you all the more aware of your nearness.
Your eyes glance at the bottom of the staircase to see a little girl, around nine, hiding from behind the wall that separates the dining room and the kitchen. You return your gaze to Jaehyun with a smirk.
"We should kiss right now. Your little cousin's watching."
Jaehyun looks mildly disgusted. "Why would I want to kiss you in front of my cousin?"
You roll your eyes. “You don't get it, do you? The fastest way to convince a family is through rumours.”
Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. "So?"
"Oh my god, you're an idiot. Nosy cousins are the most effective way to spread rumours."
"Ah." Jaehyun looks enlightened enough for you to continue.
"Okay, but first you need to have these mints." You take out the emergency mints from your purse.
"What? I don't need mints. I have nice smelling breath.”
"Everyone needs mints, Jaehyun. Especially men."
Jaehyun sighs heavily. You take the opportunity to grab his wrist and pull him into a corner.
"Have this mint or else."
You hold his face between your thumb and forefingers, cheeks squishing under the pressure as you force a mint in. He lets you do it for some reason, looking lost as he gazes at you.
You raise an eyebrow. "Oh my, you're enjoying this. Pervert."
"Wha—what? You have to stop thinking you're hot shit, oh my god. I just got distracted for a bit."
"By me, right?"
"No! I just zoned ou—you're enjoying this."
You bite down your smile but a giggle escapes you anyway. Jaehyun rolls his eyes though he smiles, looking far too close to irresistible when his dimples show.
"You can't keep teasing me," he says, voice low.
"I've been doing it for two years. I'm pretty sure I can do it for at least two more."
Jaehyun scoffs, laughing at your statement. "You know what? I'm going to get back at you from now on. I've been so lenient."
You snort before pressing the back of your fingers to your nose. "You? You're going to get back at me? You’re good at lip service, Jaehyun."
“Huh. You might be right about that.”
There's a beat of silence and you look at him expectantly. In the next beat of your heart (or lack thereof), he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours, surprising the life out of you as your back hits the wall. It's not just a touch either, his mouth moves over yours and when your knees feel weak, you reluctantly admit that the rumour about Jung Yoonoh being a good kisser is true. Maybe his body count isn't a lower-end single digit after all.
He pulls apart with a short smile tugging at his lips. "Satisfied?"
You sputter out a response before clearing your throat. “I- I don’t think anyone really saw us in this corner.”
Jaehyun makes a low humming sound. “Or you could just say you want me to kiss you again? I know I’m a good kisser.”
“Fuck off.” You punch his chest, eliciting a quiet grunt from him.
You move away from him, peeking from behind the wall. Oh, she saw it alright. The giggling gives it away and the fact that a few more younger cousins have gathered. This is ridiculous. The fact that you wouldn’t mind more is even worse.
You turn back to Jaehyun with steel-set eyes. “No more kissing. Ever. Never again. Kissing is officially banned.”
Jaehyun looks perplexed. “I thought that was a good kiss. Did you not enjoy it? What do you mean no kissing?”
“And I take it back.” The heat on your face is still burning steadily.
“Oh, I see. You liked it so much that you’re embarrassed.”
“You’re such a pain in the ass.”
“So I’m right?”
You roll your eyes and quickly walk down the stairs, a few words of complaint left hanging in the air as Jaehyun follows behind, stumbling over the steps.
Jaehyun likes how comfortable this is. He doesn’t mind glaring daggers at each other but this is fun too. It’s like he doesn’t have to be careful about the lines he might be crossing—there aren’t any damn lines at all. He can’t call it love, at least not by definition, but something is there. Something that is solid enough and heavy enough. Something he would be ready to hold on to.
You laugh at a joke Jaehyun’s dad makes. A family is the only place to feel at home. It might not be yours but maybe at the end of the night, you can convince them to disown Jaehyun and adopt you as their child instead. His cousins seem to be interested in the same things you were as a high schooler and it surprised you. Your job lets you advise the older cousins in a fairly friendly fashion. The little ones seem to like your dress and you find them far too adorable with their pink cheeks and dimples, much like Jaehyun’s. Speaking of which, he definitely got them from his dad. You look around and wonder how Jaehyun has so many female cousins and not an inkling about how women work.
It doesn’t hurt anymore that Dongmin discarded you so recklessly.
He’s wrong. Jaehyun’s wrong. It doesn’t hurt—didn’t hurt right now at the very least. When Jaehyun kissed you, you didn’t think of Dongmin or his girlfriend or anyone else. You thought that Jaehyun’s skin is somehow always the right temperature.
You shake your head. Jaehyun drives your getaway car and you shouldn’t get too comfortable in its worn-out leather seats. This shouldn’t be any different to you; you aren’t supposed to find love in every corner. This was all a survival instinct.
The more stories Jaehyun’s mother shares with you over dinner, the more you find it comfortable to be here. You don’t feel this welcome in your own apartment (although, there isn’t exactly anyone else living there but you and the goddamn pigeon that wakes you up at six in the morning). The more the night progresses, the more you want to believe in this lie. Jaehyun glances at you from time to time, his gaze neither uncomfortable nor harsh and you smile at him when he does. Right now, there is no loneliness and the air is warm and smells of freshly cooked food; the way familial love works is such a mystery. You feel content.
“Why are we doing this again?” you lean in and ask Jaehyun, eyes focused on the TV as he tries to fix it.
“Because I need to get out of work, and fulfilled soulmates get a day off on Valentine’s day.”
You nod. “Your apartment kind of stinks. I feel sorry for Sicheng.”
“This is clean,” he defends, pointing at the lack of any visible mess in his room. His work table, however, has too many items scattered over it to be called neat. There’s a fairly large TV attached to the wall and you’re a little jealous about it. You only ever watch shows on your (quite beloved albeit small) laptop. The blinds aren’t fully closed, the evening city lights trying their best to pry their pervasive fingers in and add something more to the peach hue of Jaehyun’s room.
The doorbell rings just in estimated time for food delivery, a sigh leaving your mouth along with a ‘finally’. His place is strangely comfortable and much less of the war zone that you expected. There’s no reason to feel awkward, really, or even the bubbling in your stomach. You’re not seventeen, in your crush’s house. Jaehyun isn’t even someone you like that way.
It’s just two friends hanging out and watching a movie and doing other friendly activities. Two friends hanging out on Valentine's day. Two friends who have kissed more than once.
What do lovers do anyway?
This thing with Jaehyun has turned into clandestine smiles at the office building, subtle texts of ‘did you eat?’ and ‘good morning, idiot’, racing hearts at brushing hands on the occasional off-work hangouts (you refuse to call them “dates”) and overall, a lot more pink hearts floating over his head when you see him. It’s positively appalling.
You don’t mind it one bit.
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” The delivery man wishes as he leaves and you feel a sudden rage bubble up in you.
“Ah, does he think every couple celebrates Valentine’s day? And just because we’re in the same apartment means we’re a couple? Wow.” You cross your arms, scoffing. “Who’s he to wish me?”
“Why… Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun asks quietly, slightly confused.
You glare at him, your anger not quite dissipated and walk back into his room, placing the box of confectionaries on the bedside table with a loud thud. Jaehyun follows, placing the drinks rather clumsily beside it. He gives you one last look of concern before settling down on his bed.
You let out another huff of complaint.
"Does everything have to be heart-shaped?"
You stare at the nauseating display of baked goods delivered in a pretty heart-shaped box. The brownie is in a clear plastic box that has a tiny bouquet of hearts atop it, the coffee cups have heart stickers around the rim, and the pastry itself is heart-shaped or rather, two halves of a heart. One of them is strawberry pink and the other chocolate brown.
“You seem… suddenly fired up,” Jaehyun comments quietly.
You don’t really care if you look crazy to him right now; he’s already seen the worse parts of you. You’re just so annoyed at all this red and pink that was delivered. Aren’t cafes supposed to stick with that beige-cream palette?
While you contemplate, Jaehyun tears the little sugar packet and attempts to open the lid of the cup at the same time, your blood pressure rising at the sight because you were half sure he’d spill the drink. After much difficulty, he shakes the packet trying to get just enough sugar but of course, like the clumsy oaf he is, he misses almost entirely, spilling sugar over his coffee table. It’s oddly endearing but that’s a thought you’ll keep to yourself.
He turns to you with a sheepish grin and you give him a look of distaste.
“You are a sorry excuse of a person, Jaehyun.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t mess this up.”
You turn to look him in the eyes, the honey shade alluring under warm apartment lights. They really are pretty.
“I, and every other sane human being, would not mess up adding sugar to a cup of coffee.”
“You faltered for a moment there.”
That was not the reason you faltered. You roll your eyes and look away, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste.
“How do you even like Americanos? Don’t you like a bit of cream and sweetness?”
“I don’t really care for bitterness,” he answers.
“Wow, you must be a masochist.”
“And it’s quite obvious you’re a sadist.”
You snicker. “That makes us quite the pair.”
“I would like that sentence in a non-BDSM context, thank you.”
Jaehyun turns on the TV and the Netflix logo animation pops up. You raise an eyebrow at his ‘Continue Watching’ list, eyeing Bridegerton and Sweet Home, and wondering if he could be any more of an enigma. You can’t possibly figure him out at this point. You groan when he picks a title.
“Ugh. Do we have to watch a romantic comedy?”
“What? They’re funny. And I thought you liked those 2000’s movies.”
You believed in unicorns and sock goblins and love back then too. These days, you hate to see other people in love, especially when it’s fake. The movies you loved are now the movies you hate. The couples you eyed with delight at parks and cafes are now the bane of your existence. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that you enjoy the digital fireworks from a couple having a massive online breakup. Things falling apart are entertaining when it’s not happening to you.
You purse your lips. Can't you see other people happy without wanting to tear it down for yourself?
“Fine. But I’ll pick the 2000’s romcom.”
Jaehyun shrugs and hands over the remote. You see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds on the poster and click on it immediately. The Proposal has a good enough comedy to romance ratio, in your opinion.
“I’m kind of surprised you came,” he says quietly.
“Why?” You raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of the suggestive nature of visiting someone’s apartment on Valentine’s day? Did you think we’d be doing something… more fun?”
You lean in and bat your eyelashes suggestively, although you’re clearly joking.
“I think you should know better than to get mouthy with me,” he answers as he leans in further, making your heartbeat hike at the proximity. Maybe he’s figured you out. Wouldn’t it be so nice to figure each other out at the same time—like puzzle pieces fitting together?
You move away from him. “Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere else. And I didn’t want to stay in my own apartment.”
“Maybe you enjoy my company?”
“Look, I would be sipping my coffee at a perfectly aesthetic cafe if it weren’t Valentine’s day.”
He raises an eyebrow at your nonsensical declaration and you sigh, trying to explain yourself.
“Cafes just terrorize the single folk on Valentine’s day. You should always go with Netflix,” you say.
“And chill?”
“Do you even know what that means?”
“As I’ve told you so many times, I am not stupid.”
You inhale, an idea presenting itself.
“Hey, since we’re technically a couple, shouldn’t you be sharing your Netflix password with me?” you ask, pressing your lips into your cutest smile.
“No.”
“You’re so stingy,” you mutter. It was worth a shot.
Jaehyun laughs, your hand reaching out to poke his dimples but you stop yourself. You weren’t supposed to get this comfortable. This wasn’t your place to be. Lost in thought, the moving screen leaves you unfazed and you can’t look at him anymore. However, Jaehyun reaches out right then and wipes at the space beside your lips, your focus lifting from the beginning scenes of The Proposal and latching onto Jaehyun’s lips.
There’s a pause, your head clearing itself of thoughts when you make eye contact with him. Soft hair, doe eyes, full lips and dimples—he’s so damn attractive, it hurts your existence. Does he have to be this close to you? You have mixed feelings about that look in his eyes.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers suddenly.
“Yes,” you answer.
If you look from a rational point of view, you should not have said that. You should have said anything but that. But you don’t want to think right now. Jaehyun’s touch is warm over your skin as his hand rests under your jaw and the other on your waist.
You should not have said that. But you feel loved.
Somewhere along, you find yourself parting only to kiss again, the feeling of skin so delightful in a way you’ve never experienced. Your shirt hikes up and you see Jaehyun eye the little heart with the arrow—the sign you so despised with a gentle smile.
“It’s pretty,” he whispers.
It’s pretty but it isn’t his. He doesn’t have to look at you like that—he’s come a long way from nervous glances and now he’s the one making you nervous. Just say it isn’t love and it will be alright.
You part, sobering up for a moment and you disentangle your limbs to sit at the side of his bed.
“What’s- What’s wrong?” Jaehyun whispers.
You exhale.
“All my life, I wait and when it comes, it’s all wrong,” you say, staring at your lap. Self-pity is the most disgusting kind of pity to feel. You’re past crying at things like this. You’re past crying for an ounce of romance, every time you listen to a love song on the radio or look at an Instagram post of a couple or pass by lovers on the sidewalk content with each other. You don’t even have cats to return home to. Modern loneliness is wearing you down but you can’t believe in fairytales anymore.
He scoffs, smiling bitterly. “I don’t even know if this is worth losing my dignity over.”
“Jaehyun—”
“We can’t pretend anymore—I can’t pretend anymore,” Jaehyun exhales. “I want you enough to forget the system. Give me an answer. Please.”
You don’t mind forgetting the system right now. Jaehyun’s lips are always the right temperature; the warmth of his body seeps through his shirt as you press yourself to him in a hug. He’s perfect and right now, you want to believe he’s perfect for you—even if he isn’t, you want to believe it into existence.
You cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, unsaid emotion in his doe eyes, and kiss him. This time, you mean it with every ounce of your being. There’s no more flustering each other, just the hot flush of intimacy when you feel skin that doesn’t burn you. It’s just the right feeling. There’s no way this can be wrong.
Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? You wish the voice would pipe down. It’s a coward, fearing fate just as everyone else does. But you are better than that, and this feeling is too enjoyable to let go. You don’t want this to fade.
Just then, Dongmin’s face comes to mind and you think that maybe if you kiss someone else with all you have, you don’t have to think of your shortcomings ever again.
Jaehyun pulls apart and you miss the warmth.
“You’re not… You’re not thinking of me, are you?” he asks.
You don’t answer, even if the silence is overwhelming.
“I’d rather not have you close your eyes and think of someone else when I’m in front of you.”
“I’m sorry” is all you can say.
“You can at least pretend to love me.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Could. It’s not like this was ever supposed to work out.”
You gulp, looking away. “Jaehyun, come on. That’s not like you. We were- we were just… having fun.”
He takes a deep breath. “It hurts to not be wanted by someone you want. You know that. So why are you doing this to me?”
Because misery likes company.
“I’m sorry.”
It seems the phrase you barely uttered when you were younger is tumbling out of your lips in a mixture of grief and pity. Perhaps it’s karma. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just the consequences of your mistakes.
Jaehyun parts his lips, a sigh departing. He leans in again, pushing away all of his thoughts. A little more hurt won't kill him tonight. How and when did you bring him down to his knees?
However, he's stopped by your hands against his shoulders, his lips hovering over yours.
"Let's stop," you say. "You're right."
"Isn't this what you wanted?"
“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”
You wish you could be brave enough to burn the instruction pamphlet from destiny. But right now, you need to get away from Jaehyun, away from any more misery business.
“I’ll get going,” you say, gathering your stuff.
Jaehyun hesitates but doesn’t stop you. He would never stop you, can’t stop so how could he even dream of stopping fate? This can never work out. It felt right in the moment but you don’t know anything more than that. You can’t close your eyes and pray everything disappears. No one else will solve your problems for you, you know that.
It’s time you start fixing the mess you made. You leave with a polite goodbye and hear a loud sigh behind you once the door is closed. Blinking away the urge to walk back in, you take long and quick strides to the elevator. You’re going to fix this.
Maybe if Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ wasn’t blasting at full volume at this stupid office party, you could be thinking a little straighter.
He was right. You can’t pretend anymore. There were thousands of ways this could have gone better. You didn’t have to pretend to be soulmates when you’re not. You could’ve discarded your belief in the whole system like Dongmin and Mijoo and dated someone out of spite. You didn’t have to drag Jaehyun into your sorry mess. You need to take out the nail you hammered into your own foot.
It’s the first time you’ve visited the rooftop restaurant from the company’s subsidiary chain of high-end restaurants but you imagined it would be bigger. It’s the news’ fault for making this place seem like a football field. However, you might be feeling that way because the distance between you and Jaehyun is suffocatingly small as is the distance with Dongmin. You don’t need to see Jaehyun tonight.
You don’t intend to make your confession a public affair and you certainly don’t believe in tack things like atonement. However, improvement begins with a step in the right direction. Maybe you’ll be a better person after this. Maybe you’ll still be as annoying and pushy as ever. You need to get it off your chest so you can proceed with the already tedious journey that comes with a soulmate rejection. You wonder why there’s so many man-made laws about soulmates when fate has made it complicated enough as it is. Love is the same as legalese when it comes to this system.
You flit about the crowds, smiling and greeting people and swerving away from Jaehyun every time he tries to approach you. You’re trying to make a good decision for once. He better not intrude. You’re wearing pink too, for the first time in a while: a satin shirt, pants and blazer set in dull pink.
“Dongmin,” you say, pulling him by the sleeve of his blue tux, and away from the rest of the HR team. “I have to show you something.”
“Hm? Show me?” He blinks at you.
You get him to follow you to the inside the premises, stopping when you’re far into a
“Uh?” Dongmin looks around before leaning in to whisper. “You’re not plotting to murder me, are you?”
You blink, and he laughs at you incredulously. “Why are you so serious?”
“I was lying,” you rush. “With Jaehyun. He’s not my soulmate. You are.”
Dongmin blinks in confusion. “Are… you joking? That was a weird joke but it could pass as funny—”
“Dongmin.”
You pull out your shirt from your pants, exposing the tattoo on your hip. It’s the little arrowed heart that has been plaguing you for years but now when you look at it, you feel no animosity. After all, it’s been through the same things you have.
Dongmin’s face falls into stunned silence, eyes fixated on your waist.
“That’s- That’s my—what is this?”
Russian roulette is certainly not the same without a gun.
“I lied, Dongmin,” you answer, fixing your shirt back in. “I was so afraid of your rejection that I made an even larger fool of myself.”
His initial shock seems to have partly subsided.
“You… Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks momentarily hurt.
“You have Mijoo, Dongmin. I can’t ruin something like that.”
A love that doesn’t need fate to fix it.
Dongmin glances away in guilt and sighs, though the sound is croaky. This must be more than what he can take.
“I’m sorry,” he says, haltingly. “I hurt you, didn’t I? When I thought I was being brave, I hurt you instead.”
You smile bitterly. “We all hurt someone, Dongmin. I still have to fix that one for myself.”
He scans your face, lips trembling slightly as unspoken words die on them.
“We’ll tend to the legal stuff later, hm? No compensation. We can file a mutual rejection.”
“But—”
“Shh. I’m happy enough as coworkers and I get paid more than enough for this job. Might get a promotion soon too.”
You wink at him with an added finger gun, trying to play it cool. Despite everything, a weight feels lifted from your shoulders. Now that you are truly alone, you might as well embrace this growing loneliness crawling under your skin. Discomfort could be something you can get used to.
When you get back to the warmly lit rooftop, the HR team looks at you curiously. You have the most self-destructive thought you’ve had in a while and tell yourself, you might as well if you've come this far. This is it. This is your social death. Honesty is the best policy, unfortunately.
“Dongmin and I have the same soulmate mark,” you announce. “We’re soulmates but we’ll sign a mutual rejection.”
Doyoung looks almost like he’ll faint and Soojin’s mouth is so wide open, you could practice throwing some mini basketballs in. This is your team—almost a second family, and it’s time you stop trying to hide yourself or disguise your feelings as something they’re not. They’ll get over it, as will you.
“J-Jaehyun?” Soojin looks to your side and you turn to find Jaehyun frowning.
“You could’ve discussed this with me,” he says, an odd sound of relief in his laugh.
It hurts to look at him but you muster up your strength.
“I’m sorry,” you say, facing him. “I didn’t want to drag you into this hell with me.”
Into this loveless hell made for you.
“(name).”
It’s so painfully quiet in this corner; there are so many eyes on you and only the hurt taking shape in Jaehyun’s eyes knock some sense into you.
“I’ll leave first,” you say, bowing as you take your leave.
You brisk up your pace and exit the venue as quickly as you can and into the building corridor.
Unfortunately for you, you recognize the pair of footsteps that follow you—both of them having their timings wrong. Boys don’t chase after the girl when she’s walking away. Boys should leave a girl alone when she feels like she’s about to cry.
You turn to face two men and groan internally. This is the worst possible situation—you’d rather crawl into a hole than look at either of them. The corporate light shines harshly on either of their faces but the look on them is so earnest, you want to close your eyes and scream. You don’t mind being alone. You were overstepping when you wished you weren’t.
“(name),” Dongmin starts. “I’m sorry it turned out this way. If you’d told me, we could have talked this out.”
A light scoff leaves Jaehyun and Dongmin purses his lips. It’s kind of funny watching both of their tall frames in hesitant postures and you cross your arms. You’re going to deal with this quickly like you always should have. If you’re dealing with fate, you need to have a clear head—and fortune doesn’t favour fools. Being with Jaehyun was nice but he is not yours. Dongmin may have been assigned to you but you’d rather not ruin someone’s relationship.
“What would we have talked about?” you ask. “Compensation charges? Apologies?”
You see a hint of positivity on Jaehyun’s face and turn to face him, frowning.
“And you. Don’t look so smug. You’re the reason I realized this crap. It hurts. Like hell.”
He opens his mouth but no words come when he’s far too taken aback. He can’t offer consolation now, not after everything. You knew this would happen. You would undoubtedly end up wishing you didn’t fall in love with him on the day you leave.
“(name). Listen to me,” Dongmin calls again, voice gentle.
Jaehyun sighs. “We’re both fucking this up, dude.”
Dongmin takes a sharp breath.
“You know, soulmates can be platonic,” he reasons, looking only at you. “People are made for each other differently and maybe you and I—”
“You’re just making her feel worse,” Jaehyun cuts him off.
“How do you know that?” Dongmin asks, finally turning to him. “Because you’ve spent a month or two with her? I’m her soulmate.”
“I think a month or two is much better than a stranger with the same damn birthmark.”
“Oh come on,” Dongmin scoffs. “The system exists for a reason.”
“I don’t give a shit about the system. The same as your girlfriend—oh, sorry, did you forget about her already?”
“It’s not like that.” Dongmin quietens. “We’ll figure something out.”
You pinch the bridge of your nose. They’re worse than you are—honestly, you don’t know what you expected from the timid emotional maturity of men. Both of their polite facades have melted and you’re starting to miss their sweet-tempered work demeanour.
“Come with me,” Dongmin tells you.
He wraps his hand around your wrist and tugs, Jaehyun visibly tensing up at the gesture. He presses his tongue against his cheek in annoyance but refrains from doing anything rash. You feel sorry when you look at him.
“Dongmin,” you whisper. “Can we- can we have a moment?”
Dongmin nods in understanding and exits the hallway to cool off with a few splashes of water in the washroom.
“Would you go with him?” Jaehyun asks, jaw clenched. “An acquaintance as most? Are you willing to run into the arms of fate that you hated so much?”
He looks bitter and you can’t think of a sugar-coated response. You’ll just have to tell him how you feel.
“I need to sort things out, Jaehyun. This—”
You point from him to yourself.
“Couldn’t work out thanks to fate. Dongmin and I will never work out because he’s braver than I am. You know he’s doing all of that just so I don’t get hurt, right? He’s not suddenly in love with me.”
Jaehyun purses his lips, looking down to his feet. Is it so bad that he let jealousy get the best of his mouth? Envy isn’t so awful. He looks from your eyes to lips and wishes he were young enough to believe in fairytales.
“You don’t have to be brave,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be so brave to fall in love. You don’t have to be brave to stay with me.”
“We tried, Jaehyun. And we can’t cheat fate. That, at the very least, requires bravery.”
You press your lips into a thin line. It hurts. It hurts so bad to look at him and face the consequences of this flawed design. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that you have to follow the rules even after trying your best to break them.
“You wish you never met me, don’t you?” you whisper. “I made a mess.”
Before he responds, you bow in a short goodbye and walk towards the elevator. There’s no footsteps behind you, no Prince Charming. It’s just you and your high heels clacking against the cold marble as you head back to an empty home. You always thought freedom would feel different, that distance would give you perspective. It just feels awful when no one is around you at all. When you have no one to pick up morning calls from, receive texts from asking if you ate, spend time in peace without uttering a single word—are you free or are you lonely?
The rules state that the two of you are different. It is true. You are as different as love in real life and love in the movies; and neither of them have happy endings now.
You wish you drank some more last night if you were going to embarrass yourself like that. Thankfully, it’s the weekend and you have two more days to figure out how to face your coworkers. You frown when you think of Jaehyun. Were you wrong to tell him that you simply couldn’t choose him? What if fate is right and it falls apart? You stir your morning coffee, the will to drink it fading slowly. It’s already fallen apart—and it wasn’t fate who did that, it was you. Should you have taken his stupidly warm hands and asked him to follow you? You don’t understand how it works at all.
Centuries of questioning what love is, poking and prodding at it like a lab sample, and there’s still no perfect answer. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is a fever. Love is temporary insanity. Love is acceptance. Love will set you free. There’s just too many variations. You can never tell if fate is meant to make it easier or worse.
No one questions you at the office and you're not sure if you’re glad or aggravated. Only Doyoung shoots you a pitiful look which you brush off and immediately get into work. Embarrassment is only real if you acknowledge it. However, every time Dongmin tries to talk to you, you ask for space and even alone in your thoughts, you don’t get it. They just have to drift to Jaehyun.
You wonder if what he said was true, that he wanted you enough to forget the system. It’s clearly ruined now. The spiral of thinking has you zoning out during work more often than not and even Doyoung ends up reprimanding you for your lack of focus. Sometimes you want to snap but other times, you’re just hopelessly reciting the events over and over in your head. This was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? You don’t even have the strength left in you to blame it all on Jaehyun.
You pace in the corridors after work, contemplating popping by the Marketing Department. What could go wrong? Sure, it was a little dramatic of you to leave like that but everything can be fixed, right? You groan. What you were supposed to be fixing, you made worse. Are your hands cursed or something? You shake your head, returning to your desk to gather your belongings and head home.
Unfortunately, the sight of Doyoung sitting in your chair alarms you and you stop a foot away.
“If you’re going to reprimand me for watching cat videos instead of checking the employee records, I can assure you my efficiency is still top-notch.”
“You’re—what? Never mind.” Doyoung shakes his head. “Can you give this ginseng pack to Jaehyun? I owe him.”
Oh no. You know where this is going.
“You know I’m going to keep that for myself, right?” You make a face. “I’d rather die than face Jaehyun right now.”
Doyoung shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one running to you. This is in case of an emergency.”
You give him a fake smile and Doyoung shakes his head. “Good to see you’re still great at pretending to be fine.”
You sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me, bossman.”
Doyoung blinks, hand covering his mouth when an audible gasp leaves him. “Woah. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you thank me. But don’t call me bossman ever again.”
“Noted,” you say, taking your bag and leaving with a short goodbye. You’re lucky he lets you off work early, even if you never took it. Employees usually can’t leave until their superiors does and if you were a senior employee, you’d be giving your juniors quite the hell.
You seem to be good at concocting hellscapes. Perhaps, you should look for job openings in the underworld. One last thought of Jaehyun exits your head and you take the bus home, admiring the city you live in and the warmth of people and their relationships. You don’t feel jealous; you just bask in them for the time—be it a mother and her son or two bickering sisters or a lovely old couple. That’s how it’s meant to be, then. That’s how love works.
Jaehyun smacks his head against the sofa armrest for the fifteenth time in a row.
“Dude. You’re going to permanently ruin the fabric.” Sicheng says, eyes trained on his laptop screen.
“I should’ve said something more.” Jaehyun’s voice is so zombie-like, he thinks he should cast himself in the Train to Busan sequel as an extra.
“I’m glad I’m not you,” Sicheng mutters.
“Can you give me some sort of consolation, at least?”
“That’s not what I’m your friend for.”
Jaehyun sighs and resumes smacking the back of his head against the armrest. He really needs to figure this out. After all, he can’t really Google the solution to this.
“One thing doesn’t make sense,” Sicheng says, finally looking up from his screen. “Why do you have the same mark as (name)’s if you’re not soulmates?”
“You’re so incredibly—but adorably—stupid, Sicheng. She drew it in with a permanent marker. She kissed me too! It was sudden and weird but I didn’t mind it.
“Yikes.” Sicheng makes a face. “So… you didn’t take a shower for how long now?”
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “What?”
“The ink hasn’t washed off. I heard you singing in the shower yesterday, how could you not have washed that off? Ugh. Don’t tell me you miss her.”
Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he jumps up and rushes to the washroom. Looking into the mirror, the tattoo poking out from his T-shirt resembles yours a lot more than his. The arrow is still drawn in. Jaehyun’s shoulder slumps. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Turning the tap and letting the water flow, he wets his hand and rubs at his collarbone to remove the arrow.
Except it doesn’t budge. His skin turns painfully red from the rubbing but the ink, which usually washes off in less than five minutes has no intention of leaving. Did you use a different brand of marker the last time? When was it anyway?
Jaehyun breathes out, firming his resolve. He needs to be with you.
Sicheng blinks in surprise as Jaehyun grabs his car keys, not even bothering to change from an all-black getup of a T-shirt and jeans like some emo teenager, and shuts the front door behind him. Not even a ‘goodbye, I’m leaving!’
Sicheng sighs. Love makes people crazy. He’s not falling into that trap when his soulmate literally doesn’t exist, the same as his soulmark. It seems the contestants in this game are full of exceptions.
You hit your head against your pillow. To visit Jaehyun or not to. You haven’t left your bed since you woke up around seven in the morning, and now it’s ten. Your bedsheets are a mess because you’ve rolled around too much on them (in despair, not with someone unfortunately).
You need the quiet sometimes to let your mind rest, to let your heart rest. You needed time. But maybe it’s been long enough and now you’re just searching for excuses to hold on to your last shred of dignity.
You lift your head up and glare at the box of ginseng on your table. Should you? You reluctantly get up, feeling a sting of pain in your back for lying in that awkward position for so long. Right when you’ve put on your slippers, the doorbell rings and you groan. How did the package you stress-ordered last night arrive so early? These deliveries are getting faster and faster.
You walk to the front door and open it thoughtlessly, freezing up at the sight. Your first reaction is to cover yourself. You’re not exactly your best-looking version at the moment. Jaehyun’s dark circles almost match yours but he’s better dressed than you are—in a black T-shirt and jeans while you’re wearing a Gudetama pajama set.
“We’re not just friends,” he blurts. “We’re not soulmates but we’re not just friends.”
“Huh? Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing I’ve looked.”
Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in a question look.
“That’s not important! Look—”
He pushes you inside, closing the door behind him. His hair is so disheveled and messy, he barely even looks like the same well-maintained marketing employee you know.
Jaehyun tugs at his T-shirt, pulling down to reveal his tattoo—albeit with your marker-drawn arrow through it. He does have a pretty well-built chest, you note before chiding yourself for getting distracted.
You raise an eyebrow. “Do you, uh, need help scrubbing it off or something?”
“No.” Jaehyun lets out a huff of exasperation. “It won’t wash off. If it’s what I think it is—”
“Miracles don’t happen to people like us, Jaehyun,” you say quietly.
He gulps. “I don’t know about miracles but… I just needed an excuse to see you, I guess.”
You look up, a rose blush over Jaehyun’s bare face, and run your finger over the tattoo, sighing at the warmth of his skin. Your hand travels up to his cheek, resting atop it while you muster enough courage to look Jaehyun in his chocolate brown eyes.
You pull away. This isn’t the time. You still have an internal crisis to sort out. Are you even deserving of love? It makes much more sense if the answer is no.
However, Jaehyun pulls you in by the waist, his right palm warm against your cheek.
“I don’t care what anyone says.” He runs his thumb over your cheek in a painfully fond manner. “You’re worth more than the price I pay for this.”
He leans in and presses his lips to yours swiftly, your head clearing of thoughts almost immediately. It feels so right, you can feel the spark, the red thread around your skin, hear the bells. This kiss was far more perfect than it was supposed to be.
You part, gasping. Jaehyun blinks at you, breathing heavily.
“Kiss me again.”
Jaehyun does as told and you might just believe in miracles this way. With his hand around your waist and in your hair, his lips over yours and the low rumbling laughter that parts the two of you—you might just believe in miracles. You might just believe that love isn't something you deserve by earning.
“I like this,” Jaehyun comments. “I like the way this is.”
You press your finger to his lips. “I think you should shut up and kiss me some more.”
Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I know you’re sexually repressed as of now, but that’s no reason to take advantage of me.”
You scowl, punching him on the shoulder and moving away from him.
“Come back,” he complains in a quiet voice.
“I am not going to do that.” You cross your arms.
“Come on,” he mutters, inching closer as you inch away, till your back hits the couch and you tumble backwards onto it, your legs on the headrest. Jaehyun laughs at your position, leaning in to keep his hands on either side of you, a doting look over him.
“Hey, did you know if I kicked my leg up, it would hit you in the balls?”
“Please don’t do that.”
You giggle, Jaehyun’s nose rubbing against yours in a bunny kiss.
“Is your place usually this much of a mess?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.
You sigh heavily. “I was having a bad day, okay? Or… a bad weekend.”
“Do you even have food?”
You look away, crossing your arms. Jaehyun sighs and shakes his head.
“We should go grocery shopping. How do you live like this?”
You scoff. “Oh, spare me the lecture. I’ve heard enough horror stories about your room from Sicheng. You can’t hide from me by sweeping your clothes and belongings into his room.”
“Snitch,” he mutters under his breath.
You can’t help the giggle that erupts from your mouth and you immediately cover it. Jaehyun smiles at you fondly and you look away, unable to bear that gaze of his.
“It really won’t wash off, by the way,” Jaehyun states, scratching at his collarbone.
You narrow your eyes, smacking his arms away to roll off the couch. Taking his wrist, you walk into your bathroom and turn the tap on. Something’s strange. But also strangely right.
“Look, I already tried—ow! Don’t rub that hard!”
You blink in confusion, trying again despite Jaehyun looking like his soul already left him. It doesn’t work. Your marker isn’t even that permanent. At least his regenerating skin cells should get rid of that arrow. Unless the ink was deep enough to pierce all the layers, as in a soulmark.
You gasp.
“You were right!”
“I told you s—”
"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, realization dawning as your eyes widen. "To see if people will question the system at all."
Jaehyun shrugs. “Maybe.”
"Oh, all those unhappy marriages that could have been saved," you say as you exhale.
Jaehyun chuckles lightly. "I think that the point was, people can be happy without their soulmates. It's whoever you make one out of. Or I Googled too many articles on anti-soulmate propaganda."
You smile, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. Watching his ears turn bright red is the cherry on top.
“Okay, fake-boyfriend-turned-real-soulmate.” You give him a cheeky smile. “Did you rethink your decision about sharing that Netflix password with me? I get the girlfriend free pass, right? Right?”
“I didn’t even share it with my mother.”
You whack his arm, him possibly used to it by now, judging from his lack of response.
“Idiot.” You cross your arms. “We can Netflix… and chill then. God, I can’t believe I said that.”
Jaehyun breaks into a chuckle. “You’re so pushy.”
“And you like being pushed around, nerd.”
“Who said that?”
Jaehyun wraps his arms around you, spinning you so that your back hits the door. He leans in to kiss you again and you smack your palm over his pouted lips. You laugh at his face, his eyes brimming with confusion.
“You’re in my apartment. I make the rules here. Think twice before you start a game with me, Mister.”
His shoulders droop. “Fine. Can you at least let me kiss you four times a day?”
“Five times, if you ask.”
He laughs before leaning in again. “Can I kiss you now?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?”
“You are one hell of a woman. Emphasis on hell.”
You laugh and grab his collar, pulling him in for the kiss that seals this deal.
You realize a few things in the moment: a) You don’t have to play roulette to find love, b) You don’t have to pick your poison to find love, and most importantly c) Love is right where you make something of it. Fate is still not in your good books but if it bends to you this way, you don’t mind at all. If Jaehyun kisses you like this every day, you don’t mind one bit.
#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun imagines#nct x reader#nct 127 x reader#cznnet#neowritingsnet#nct scenarios#nct 127 scenarios#nct imagines#nct 127 imagines#nct fluff#nct 127 fluff#jaehyun fluff#nct fic#jaehyun fic#jaehyun fanfic#nct fanfic#moonwrites#i know i said no more 20k+ fics but............ this is literally karma isnt it#anyway i hope there aren't any typos i proofread like once that's enough k#also this is queued bcs im going on vacation ! :D
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