#check out their original post because their commentary is everything but also WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHORT
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this isn't community❗❗ This is Association 😭😭
special thank you to @muclunga for uncovering this monstrosity(?) of a creation
#check out their original post because their commentary is everything but also WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHORT#that is not troy that's tory#ALSO WHAT DID THEY DO TO SHIRLEY#community#community nbc#community tv show#sylvia's sitcom shit
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Tae's guide to Pillowfort
So you fucking hate what tumblr is doing, you're fed up, but you don't know where else to go / what to do when you get there
Here's a guide what I've been up to over on Pillowfort:
For starters, new users need to either get an invite code (message me if you want one, because I literally always have some!) or donate to Pillowfort's operating costs to get started. I recommend getting a code first, and then donating later if you decide you like Pillowfort.
Recognize that Pillowfort has no ads and does not sell user data, so you are not the product. You are the customer. Pillowfort lives because users give their money to the webisite directly, just like how ArchiveOfOurOwn.org operates. If you give Pillowfort a try... and you want to see it keep growing... and you have a couple bucks to throw their way... please consider donating!
On your new account, you'll set up your blog. User icon, description, settings, etc. You get one blog per account. Consider making this your "everything" blog, where you make your original posts AND reblog things.
Consider making a Community that will serve the same purpose as a tumblr sideblog. For example, I made my main blog ceylon-tae and then made the Community "ceylon-tae-art". Just make the Community for now.
Did you set your NSFW and blacklist preferences? You should. Filters & Blacklist have their own link in the sidebar, so you don't have to go into your Settings every time you want to blacklist something. Easy!
Join some more Communities! Think of joining a [Fandom] Community like following the [Fandom] tag on tumblr. Posts from that Community will show up on your feed now! Here is a list of the currently-most-active communities.
Follow some people! You might have seen some of your comrades on tumblr posting their Pillowfort accounts, or maybe you really liked someone's post in a Community and you decide you'd like to follow them! Go follow them! Their posts will show up on your feed now!
Make a post! Remember to add any relevant tags to the post, especially if your post is NSFW, and don't cen/s0r your tags. Your post will now show up on your blog, and you can control who can see it, reblog it, or comment to it. You can make text, image, video, or link posts.
Now you can reblog that post you made to your Community that you made! Or to another Community someone else made! Some Communities review submitted reblogs before posting them, others do not. Remember to add the relevant tags to your reblog here as well.
Reblog posts you enjoyed, so you can show it to your followers!
If you have something to say about the post, Pillowfort has a nested comments section! Livejournal / Dreamwidth / Reddit users will find this familiar. Newbies will hopefully find it easy to learn: make your own comment, reply to the comments other people have made, talk to people in a space that's made for talking and replying.
You can make your own hush-hush commentary in your tags when you reblog a post to your blog, but these tags are not visible anywhere else. So Pillowfort is not gonna rat you out to OP when you make weird tags on your reblog. But also there is no bulit-in way to read everyone's tags in one long list.
You cannot make addendums to posts when you reblog them. If you want to add something, make a comment! Or make your own post and include link to the original post.
Seriously. Comments section. Good stuff. If you enjoy a post, check out its comment section. For comparison, tumblr discussions lived in reblogs, but comments on AO3 fics are what makes an author's world go 'round. Comments are where discussion lives on Pillowfort. So comment on the post if you have something to say! You can have real discussions again! GO. BE FREE. You can also do a Kung Pow Penis in nested comments if you want to. Nested comments are good.
Likes just tell OP you liked the post. That's it. It's just like how kudos works on AO3.
Remember, there's no algorithm, so Likes don't boost any post's visibility, and if you want other people to see a post, you reblog it. If you want to see posts, you follow people and communities, or you dive into the tags for yourself.
There's more details and things to know, but I think these are some good basics for "how the fuck do I even get started"
More how-to-pillowfort guides:
https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/3459763 by DoktorHobo
https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/4099124 by rah
https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/4404622 by killerandhealerqueen
In summary:
Make a blog. Make posts. Make a niche-interest Community or three. Follow people and Communities. Reblog other people's posts to your blog. Reblog posts to your niche-interest Communities.
Make comments. Reply to comments. Love the comments. The comments are a fertile land and we will thrive. And we will call it... Pillowfort!
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some more screenshots because apparently i still don't think I have enough
the original title for this post was just impossible to read check this shit out
"Screensh wife stime ot picture of whife im sure theters something in teh series I haven't screenshotted satyet."
still slightly high, this post is gonna jump all over the series, but it's probably mostly MMA and CFO
Technically I already have this one, uh, twice, but you know, more the merrier. and i will be merry.
ALSO quick commentary for me. Why isn't he bloodied up here? all of the other revengencers (including the kid) are all bloody and stuff, but he's just chillin with his shirt off for some reason. i've always wondered, like is he not partaking in the cannibalism? i think that's ironic right? what with the whole...,,.. cannibal corpse thing...or does he just have better manners than the brainwashed zombie people. using a napkin or something? plus uh i have to admit i think they should've just covered him in blood for the vibes, but he look suspiciously clean comparatively it's like weird to me also WHY IS HE JUST HANING OUT ShirTLESS?????? i mean I get it, i would if i could too, but come one he doesn't need to be doing all that.
there she is my beautiful princess
my everything!!!!
seriously. gonna have EVERY frame i swear to god.
AFSAJKFNSHAUIFBHOASJFPIOS OMFG OMFG YOOOOOO he's so offended?!?!??!?!?!? "UH WHAT THE HELL DON'T BUMP PEOPLE????"
">:0"
"had" strong hands. The wistful way he says it, the way he sort of lingers on that comment for a beat. His attempt at relating to Skwisgaar. sure okay whatever.
also charles, please, next time, maybe just.... maybe just be like "you okay buddy?" he's great at buisness and stuff but man does he fumble when trying to like, talk to people (gee I wonder what that could mean)
i know no one is even around anyways and you probably wouldn't even notice it, but way to look suspicous/
"Oh, gee, I'm sneaking in. Lemme look nervously from side to side"
despite most klokateers serving as cannon fodder, id rather just kms instead of fight one, 216 fucked agent 216 up.
OHHHH and also just real quick while I'm thinking about it, i think MMA is like, wearing the smae stuff as the Klokateers/maybe is reused parts of one?
Same boots, gloves and pants (albeit with some cool new pockets.) Anyways I know it's just like, the same boot model or something, but I thought it was interesting or something i dunno. i'm drinking cherry limeade and still sort of sick and high, so you know whatever.
in love with her pouty self, like girl would it kill you to just :) just once anytime throughout the WHOLE sereies?
ANOTHER one fromt this scene. but in my defense, look at my wives here????
the girls are fighting :( hey i'm sorry if that's super annoying to yalll like im sorry it's just been "my wife" this whole post I'm sorry I'll call them something else
doing all this and for what? he's so mad he lost one (1) fight to charles so now he just keeps going back for more. if you'd have just shot him when you had the chance this would've ended a long time ago.
but also don't because I love charles.
grabbing swords or sassily putting hands on hips?
ahhhh I see.
well uh yeah folks that's all she wrote, i can't think of aynthing else i wanted to get, i think this is most of it ueah uh yeah.
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So at the office, while he was away, Michael was basically considered to be a Threat™️ because everyone had wound up seeing or hearing about what had happened to Leitner. Elias being like “oh he just needs some time to work himself out” but in a weirdly sinister way does not help his case.
Jon eventually gets into his own bit of trouble because of the possibility that he could have been an accomplice, has to run away like he did in the original series.
Actually, Michael’s not fully considered a threat by anyone… not anyone who actually knows him, at least.
Melanie’s opinion? Yeah, he was a little weird when she gave her statement to him. Probably evil.
Tim? He’s not responding to anyone’s questions at the moment, and you can kindly fuck off. (Michael saved Sasha’s life with the worms, but he’s not gonna tell the police that he thinks Jon maybe did it instead with some weird mind controlling powers or something. They’ll think that it’s bullshit.)
Sasha’s… conflicted. He has been acting weird recently, but she’s not sure he’s actually evil, she’s actually pretty sure he’s just… stressed. People can change, though, so… she doesn’t really know what to think.
Jon’s. Um. Not there, but he’s SUPER sure the guy’s gone crazy and is killing people for sport.
Martin………………………………………………………….
“It’s… complicated? Probably.”
[CONTINUED BELOW oh you BET there’s more ehehehe]
Nikola, though… oh boy.
Two potential candidates. One of them’s rumored to not really know much of anything, and the other knows plenty. But while both have gotten strong, one of them’s going to be stronger.
Kicker’s that the potentially-stronger one probably won’t actually fit properly because he’s too tall. And he’s all twisted, so that won’t do at all.
So instead, she’s been talking to Jon about the gorilla skin, like in the original series.
Being a super creepy motherfucker and all that.
Y’know.
Anyway, Michael did not get anywhere near death, so Oliver didn’t have to go in and help out or anything, but… Elias has realized that michael keeps getting himself into situations where he nearly gets killed, and does not seem to handle them too well, so he’s experimenting and seeing if he can have Jon be a “backup archivist”, which i’m sure Nikola’s absolutely delighted by…
Still… Michael does get visited by some of the stranger’s gang eventually.
Just “checking in on our dear old archivist!”
(Michael does not feel comforted.)
(He is also not particularly thrilled.)
(Especially when she casually mentions not being able to use his skin in particular, because it “just wouldn’t fit right………….! You understand… don’t you, archivist?”)
He tries to burn her with the spiderweb lighter.
No wonder Jude Perry liked him a lot- (he’s actually now tried to set two things on fire because they were bothering him- but I haven’t posted the part where he yeets a lighter at the other thing yet lol-you’ll see)
Obviously, it’s ineffective… but it lights up her face for a moment before miraculously snapping shut upon hitting the floor.
Or… where her face should be.
Michael screams, his friend finally gets the lights working, and Nikola is gone.
…Fun!
OH HEY WAIT WHAT
OKAY SO
If Michael gets this tape! (Which he definitely would, cause he would have completely missed everything.)
Obviously with a few edits!! But!!!!!!! That shit would just.
Like a goddamn jagged-edged sword getting shoved STRAIGHT through his torso, GOD that stupid bit of commentary would hurt so BAD-
Jesus, Elias, stop trying to make your archivist feel like a disposable paper bag that somehow managed to make it out of the landfill, the hell are you doing, man????
Michael’d probably just try and mirror-jump to Jude Perry or something and be like “hey, my boss is a sick bastard and I hate him, want to help?”
Not sure if I’m /j or /srs, but Martin might be on board lol
Michael’s having more and more trouble with the whole… mirror-hallway trap thing. Although, like with canon, he probably ends up figuring out a way to drag out the whole process of victims slowly kinda going nuts so that he doesn’t actually have to kill anyone, he can just… “bother someone” in order to keep things going.
Which actually winds up working better than the “drive em mad and then whoop there they go” method.
He doesn’t like how it feels, cause it’s basically making a bunch of people go through what Ryan went through, but he tries diffusing the messing-with across more than one victim in order to make it not be as horrible for each of them.
Oh, and on top of that, he still has to get statements.
Does Jon send him the statements he gets (and his own notes on them) after he’s done with them, so that they’re both on the same page with things? (And does it work..?)
And if so, does he get to hear the “dust to dust” one, finally?
*Sound of Michael nearly popping a stress ball open with one hand*
(>:(((( Bruh Gertrude what the fuck)
AND HEARING HIS OWN VOICE ON THE TAPE…
Just rewinding and playing it over and over again. Just to hear it.
It hurts to know that his voice doesn’t quite sound the same.
He’s lost the stutter that he hated so much. He almost misses it.
Might actually mumble the words a little, in a half-hopeful attempt at getting his voice to sound like it did back then again. It works, for a moment or two, and in that little sliver of time, he feels like… himself again. Like Michael.
But he can’t hold it for long.
Still… it was there.
He was… there, somewhere. He wasn’t completely gone… so maybe there was still hope.
(HhhgfhhHhhHHHHHH I wanna hug him so badddddddddddddd aaaaaaaaaa 🫠)
Anyway, so Jon gets taken by Orsinov-
And the only reason Michael doesn’t pick up every time Elias tries to call him to tell him to get Jon is cause he’s got Elias’s number registered in his phone as “old sod” and just sits there pressing “decline” every time the phone starts ringing with that name.
It’s very fun to do.
However, eventually Martin’s the one who calls him, sounding a little bit panicked, and explains what’s going on, and Michael feels like an asshole, rushes out the door- (“hello good morning I’ve got to go get Jonathan out of situations he keeps getting in don’t kill me don’t get killed please don’t leave things on voicemail if they’re important, lesson learned, ohgosh bye-”)
So the Michael appears! No doom threat, just Michael apologizing for being “so incredibly late” and being like “oh good lord these are creepy oh sh- you’ve got a gag on- I’m very sorry-”
And he notices that Jon’s…. Looking at him, like… he wants to ask something, but doesn’t know if he should.
Michael… forces a smile, getting the feeling — based on the last tape he’d gotten from jon — that he knows what he wants to ask about. “Can we… t…t-“ oh, of course- and just at the moment he’d rather it not be an issue, here it was, again, in the way of him getting his words across. “It- I- We don’t- there isn’t much… much time to share… stories.”
“She won’t be back for-“
“I just don’t want to.”
He didn’t mean it to come out sounding so snappy, and winced a little at his own voice. “She…she’s just… a bit of a hard subject, as of right now…”
Jon looks a little bit… desperate, though, and it occurs to him that he most likely hasn’t been able to get any new statements in days.
If he were to go through the mirrors… he might not be able to keep himself together in there. Or he might get lost, or…
“Ask me.”
Jon blinks, looking a bit confused. “Didn’t you say you-“
“Yes, I know. It doesn’t feel good, but if you don’t-“ he takes a deep breath, and sighs heavily. “Please. Just… this once. And it’s all… good.”
…”What was she like?”
Oh, that question hurts.
A string of expressions pass across his face as he tries to think of the words for the things Jon wants to pull out of him. Needs him to let out.
“…different… she- she told me a lie.
I thought I knew… why she was who she was. Why I was… her… assistant.
I- but i didn’t. Really. She was cold… and… I just fell for it.
He takes another deep breath and sighs, but… no, it… isn’t done, is it.
It all spills out, like blood gushing from a deep, arterial wound.
He tries to twist it, to lessen the tearing sensation that the eye gives as it drags the information out of him, but it just… happens. The words aren’t quite his to control.
The Sannikov trip is the most painful to feel.
Once, it might have been a tale told in horror, of the near-death experience of his mentor, the old woman who fell over the side of a ship in the middle of a storm. About how he almost went insane, but that could have been a dream, and she had been saved, and then they had gone home again.
He told Jon all of this story, the statement riddled with sarcasm and frustration, and hurt.
And then he told… a different story.
The one he’d had in that vision, or dream, or nightmare- whatever it had been.
He told the eye what it already knew, and — in a way — begged it to answer him, instead. Tell him if he had just been… a pebble to be kicked into a trap so that it could be made safe to pass through.
He explained his fear that Gertrude had, in fact, killed one of her old assistants, a woman named Emma Harvey. She’d burned her alive.
And then he recounted his terror upon waking up in the office that one horrible night, when the doors had not been the right doors, and had nearly taken him and swallowed him and taken him apart.
How the fire had roared around him.
The rest of the story, Jon already knew, and so his talking should have ended there.
But he mentioned something he didn’t want to.
About how much Jon had reminded him of her, when they’d first met.
And with this revelation, the story ended.
At once, Michael slid to the floor, his whole body drained of energy, fighting to keep itself together.
It was not a moment too soon.
A door had opened behind him. A horribly familiar one, and as it loomed over Jon’s bound form and Michael’s barely stable one, a voice floated through the room, coming from the figure standing at its threshold.
“That was a very, very stupid thing to do, archivist.”
#the magnus archives#tma#michael shelley#michael tma#tma au#tma unwinding au#unwinding au#Jonathan sims#Jon tma#the distortion#the distortion tma#nikola orsinov#Nikola tma#the stranger tma#tw Uh violence#tma fic#draft#random rambles!!!!!!#it’s so hard to get character ‘voices’ right aaaaaa#if I can’t hear them reading it in my head#then it’s WRONG /lh /goofy#Michael’s stuff is ESPEXIALLY difficult cause we barely have any dialogue from him as a normal guy
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imo hbomberguy's original video was an excellent rundown of the broader plagiarism issue, but todd in the shadows' fact check vid is really the reason im pissed at this specific guy, and gives me a bit less sympathy for people who fell for his shit tbh.
like missing the plagiarism and less like... relevant misinformation is one thing- im actually pretty sure i saw a post about the disney gay day thing go around a while back and went "huh neat" and moved on without checking, because why would i check that sort of thing, i don't care about the history of disney. and while we can collectively raise our eyebrows at people not picking up on the celluloid closet-tier theft, if you don't have any interest in more in-depth queer theory or history i does kinda track that you wouldn't know these books exist. i watch random essays as mildly informative background noise all the time; i'm not going to be able to cite any of the organic chemistry sources referenced, no matter how common knowledge it is in-field.
but holy SHIT so much of the facts he very confidently stated were such blatantly biased horseshit that they really should have pinged more radars than they did. i cannot fucking imagine listening to someone tell me that american soldiers primarily enlisted in wwii because the nazis were just so sexy and not thinking something was up there. claiming that subtlety in western movies wasn't invented until the 1960s while gushing over the homosexual subtext in disney cartoons is insulting to your audience's knowledge of their own pop culture, and also their grasp on linear time. if you thought his dig at western theater being entirely tell-don't-show held any water i have to assume you flunked english from 8th grade on, and have never seen a production in your life.
i have not watched his videos, and im not planning to, but frankly there is no amount of contextual padding that will make his commentary on asian media and culture in general less xenophobic and/or infantilizing. the kabuki/noh mixup and disregard for even reading the wikipedia article before discussing how their narratives work aside, the whole thing about the big scary chinese government padding their action movie box office numbers as propaganda exclusively designed to intimidate western audiences is 1) stupid as hell, and 2) yet another offshoot of the right-of-center sinophobia that's been circulating for the last couple five years and i really don't know why people are so willing to defend themselves by saying it isn't their fault that they uncritically swallowed his racist bullshit or accepted it as confirmation of their own biases.
i think that's actually what bothers me the most here. his entire platform was built on stealing other people's ideas and reframing them to tell his audience what they wanted to hear. and i get it! everyone wants to think they're smart and cool and know the real history behind everything, everyone wants to hear that they can continue to like the stuff they like that other people are pushing back against- attack on titan isn't really facist, disney has always been progressive, china's just as awful as you think it is- it's really easy to get suckered into that!! it sucks to hear someone you trusted is a liar, and it's embarrassing to get called out for believing something false, but some of this stuff crumbles so quickly under any measure of critical thinking that defending taking it as gospel is more of a self-own than anything else.
hopefully the current teardown has reminded everyone that people on the internet are frequently full of shit and passed out a few more tips on how to be smarter going forwards.
#real life mango#this uh. got away from me a bit.#but ive been stewing on this since the video dropped#hopefully it's coherent#minor disclaimer that im mostly vagueing shit ive seen on twitter and not as much here#(not that it doesn't exist here)#(just that im not responding to any one tumblr post specifically)
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My Top 10 Favourite Angry Comedians
New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/anger/my-top-10-favourite-angry-comedians
My Top 10 Favourite Angry Comedians
One of the things that appeals to me about comedy is that comedians get to tell the truth. Especially about the things that piss them off. Many comedians adopt an angry schtick which gives the rest of us permission to deal with our own internalised rage vicariously.
Here are some of my favourite angry comedians:
1. Doug Mulray
I grew up listening to Uncle Doug on Triple-M in Sydney. I found him hilarious and suspect his sense of humour was forged in his youth because he had a great face for radio. His song I’m A Punk was undoubtedly unconscious inspiration for my own single Everything Is Fucked many years later:
youtube
My other favourite was Janie’s not a nun:
youtube
2. Ricky Gervais
I suspect it was Ricky’s frustration with religious beliefs that led him to write movie The Invention Of Lying. It’s one of the best commentaries of theology I’ve come across. His routines about the literal interpretation of The Bible are also pretty spot on:
youtube
3. Bill Burr
The modern brand of sexist feminism clearly pisses Bill off. He doesn’t suffer fools gladly and refuses to bow down to unreasonable demands just because the person making them is a woman. You can’t argue with his rationalisation of the gender pay gap:
youtube
Bill’s bit about radical feminist attitudes to the otherwise unfunny subject of domestic violence is also a hilarious reality check:
youtube
4. Lewis Black
Lewis voiced the inner voice of Anger in the movie Inside Out, and he was perfect for the role. He regularly reads hilarious rants supplied by the audience at the end of his gigs and broadcasts them live on his YouTube channel. His reading of this rant about Mormons is hilarious:
youtube
5. Larry David
Larry’s social awkwardness seems to be the driving force behind a lot of his comedy. Despite his huge success with Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm he says he’s still unable to walk up to attractive women and talk to them. It took me a long time to get around to watching Curb because I didn’t think an angry dude yelling at people would be funny. Turns out it’s hilarious:
youtube
6. Russell Brand
I don’t know if Russell is really angry or is just channeling his excess sexual energy now that he’s in a monogamous marriage. I like how he is using his fame as a platform for positive social change. This MSNBC interview where he turned the tables on the interviewers after they talked about him in the third person is pure gold:
youtube
7. George Carlin
Once he adopted the attitude “I don’t give a shit”, George became a fearless social critic. He was particularly critical of religion and what he saw as stupidity in authority figures. His Filthy Words routine challenged censorship all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court:
youtube
8. Jim Jefferies
Jim is a fellow Australian whose comedy is sometimes a little too depressive for me. I suspect he could use some serious therapy. However his bit on gun control in the United States absolutely nails it:
youtube
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9. Rich Hall
Rich often performs as his redneck alter-ego Otis Lee Crenshaw, but it was the song expressing his disappointment with Bob Dylan had me laughing so hard when I first heard it at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival In 2016 that I could hardly breathe:
youtube
10. Bill Hicks
I suspect the rage behind Bill’s comedy was fueled by anger at his overly conservative fundamentalist Christian parents. He had little respect for his father and was greatly distrustful of authority figures. Some of his acerbic comedy seemed paradoxical; for instance he spoke positively about his experiences with drugs yet became dependent. He was a heavy smoker and died way too early of pancreatic cancer. Check out his final Letterman appearance that wasn’t broadcast until years after he died:
youtube
Bonus: Don Rickles
Don Rickles was the original insult comic. Being picked on by Mr Warmth became a badge of honour in the entertainment industry. Nobody has come close since. I think he was only pretending to be angry but I like his style so he’s here as a bonus. Here’s my favourite line:
youtube
#Bill Burr#Bill Hicks#Comedians#Don Rickles#Doug Mulray#George Carlin#Jim Jeffries#Larry David#Lewis Black#Rich Hall#Ricky Gervais#Russell Brand#Anger
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FTM Top Surgery Q&A - Installment #3
2-Week Post-Op Recovery and Progress
Welcome to installment #3! If you're new here, I'm currently working on a Q&A / Series combo where I outline my experience with FTM top surgery as a large, disabled guy with ADHD and low income. I'll also answer any questions sent in to me. Currently, I haven't received any questions. If you have any now or when you're done reading this post, feel free to send them to me. I'll be taking questions all the way until May of 2023, when the series should be wrapping up.
If you want to know more about the series, check out the announcement here or visit the installment masterlist here.
If you haven't read the previous 2 installments, I recommend you do, as I'll be introducing terminology there that will be used in this installment.
In this installment, I'll be covering the healing and recovery progress of week 2, including the removal of the nipple bolsters as well as the regained ability to shower.
Under the cut, there are photos showing the surgical site before it's completely healed. If you're sensitive to scars, injury, blood, or other things that go along with surgery, please continue with caution or let me know you'd like a copy of my commentary without the images.
I wrote this entire post and then the page crashed, so this might be a bit shorter because retyping everything you just wrote is one of the worst things humanly imaginable.
Nipple Bolster Removal
The first big thing in post-op events is getting the nipple bolsters removed after 1 week. So, the first day of week 2, that's exactly what happened.
The nurse said that no one has ever told her it hurt, and I'm so excited to tell you that I was the first person to tell her that.
The nipple bolsters are secured with stitches along the perimeter of the nipple that are sewn up through the bolster. In order to cut those stitches, they have to tug on them a bit to expose them enough for clipping.
There was one side of one nipple in particular that hurt really bad during removal. I don't know if that particular stitch was just a bitch or if maybe there was some scabbing that got displaced from the tugging, but it was a sharp, searing pain. It didn't last that long and I didn't have the issue with the other nipple. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. It seems like kind of an outlying occurrence.
Nipple Appearance
Hands down, the scariest part of recovery is dealing with the nipple grafts. When nipples get free-grafted, the whole graft isn't actually expected to survive. What happens is, the entire top layer of the graft dies and the base layer has to produce new nipple skin.
This doesn't affect the long-term appearance as far as I'm aware but, during the healing process, it means you have to deal with the entire top layer of your nipple skin sloughing off and it's very freaky.
Generally, when a part of your body is completely numb, as your nipples will be, the way you gauge if that part is okay is by looking at it. Well, looking at your nipples will not be any consolation. They will look fucked up lmao. After the bolsters are removed, they look saggy, smushed, and grey. This is normal and they won't look like this forever.
Here are some pictures I took after I got home and showered that day:
Showering
After the nipple bolsters were removed, I was allowed to start showering again. If looking at your fucked up, half-healed nipples is scary, trying to shower around them is terrifying lol.
Securing the Drains
Originally, my drains were secured in place with a strip of velcro that could be fed through some hanging loops on the bulbs and then stuck to my compression binder. However, when you're showering, you need them to be secured to something else.
I used an old purse strap I had lying around that I use for random shit, but you could use a string, rope, piece of yarn, or a number of other things. Just find yourself something long and cord-like, tie the ends to the bulb hanging loops, and then hang them from your neck. Then, use a twist-tie or another piece of string or something to tie the sides together at chest level so that they won't rub or bump your nipples or incision.
Nipple Guarding
I was told that it was okay if water ran over my nipples from where it hits my shoulders, when I'm facing away from the shower spray, but to not let the water hit my nipples directly, as it can cause shearing.
There are two ways to shower with these restrictions: you can manually guard your nipples every time you need to get fully under the water or, as I figured out in week 3, you can wear your binder into the shower.
Because I cut my binder in half the long way, I effectively have 2 compression binders, which makes this no big deal. I wouldn't recommend doing this with a wholass shirt under the binder, but with the barrier I mention in the section below, this is easy and comfortable. Wearing the binder into the shower allowed me to wash everything else and save my chest for last, which meant I didn't have to constantly guard my nipples while washing.
If you don't have the kind of compression binder that you can or want to cut in half, you can also just protect your nipples manually. This generally means a lot of washing outside of the water, then leaning that body part into the water to rinse.
For parts that require more submersion, like rinsing soap from your face or shampoo from your hair, you can use your hands to block direct spray. I cupped my hands and pressed them firmly into my chest above each nipple, keeping the bottom unpressed so that any water that slipped past my fingers could escape instead of collecting against the nipples.
Doing this can make your shower take more than twice as long as usual, so I really do recommend wearing the binder in. If you have two halves, you can then just toss the wet half into the laundry and put the other one on.
Nipple Graft Care
Vaseline Gauze
After getting the bolsters removed, I was given a pretty simple care regimen: replace a square of vaseline-coated gauze over each nipple at least once a day and then tape a gauze bandage over it.
The vaseline gauze comes in a package in either sheet or strip form and you have to cut it into squares. The fold creases make this pretty easy, but it's kind of gooey and obnoxious.
When removing the gauze, the dead top layer of nipple skin will want to come away. Personally, I'm of the opinion that it should stay there as long as possible, since it's protecting the new skin underneath from exposure. So, any time a notable amount started to come up, I changed which direction I was removing the gauze from to avoid removal of the dead skin. Sounds gross, but this dead skin is basically acting as a scab, it's just soft because of the copious amounts of vaseline being put on it.
Eventually, it will all end up coming off, but I wanted to slow the process to minimize the likelihood of pain or damage to the fresh new layer of skin beneath.
Protective Barrier
On top of the vaseline gauze, I was told to put a slightly thicker gauze bandage and secure it with medical tape. Unfortunately, I'm probably allergic to adhesive, so medical tape and I don't get along.
I did this for all of week 2, but in week 3, I figured out a better solution.
If you have any flat-fronted sports bras, don't throw them out, burn them, or whatever you plan to do with them until you're done with surgery recovery.
All of the bras I had were these simple, t-shirt material sports bras with a multi-layer, flat panel for the front. These have made my recovery so much more comfortable.
At first I was wearing t-shirts under my compression binder, but this led to problems because t-shirts aren't usually form-fitting, so they wrinkled beneath the compression binder and wrinkles being pressed hard into my skin, especially against healing scars, is pretty painful after a while. A form-fitting piece of fabric that only covers my chest was more comfortable as well as a godsend in the sudden heat of summer.
Here's a picture of that from week 3:
The fabric of these is soft enough that I can just skip the gauze barrier. I put on the vaseline gauze, put one of these fabric sports bras on, then secure the binder over that. It's great. Even better in week 3 when you start doing scar care involving ointment. If I had been using t-shirts when I started on the ointment, it would have gotten everywhere. Sports bras help contain everything. And, if you have a bunch, like I do, you can switch them out when they get kinda sticky with ointment. More on this in the next progress installment.
Pain Levels Changing
The Drains
So, week 2 was actually the most painful week for me because of the drains. Generally, they're supposed to come out after about a week, however, mine didn't come out til the first day of week 3 (so, after 2 weeks). This was because of the office not being open on the weekend and then my 2-week follow-up was only a few days later, so I just waited.
Generally, your body doesn't like it when there's a hole in it with something in said hole so that it can't heal. The drain exit holes tried scabbing around the perimeter which increased itchiness, inflammation, and made pressure, movement, and so on significantly worse. By the latter half of week 2, I was moving around and changing position and adjusting the drain tubes really often to try and minimize discomfort.
I don't expect most people would have quite as hard of a time with this for two reasons: Most people get these things out before the 2-week mark and also I'm extremely sensitive to skin-level pain and discomfort.
Movement
Movement pains in week 2 became more frequent, but less intense. This is because the overall achiness of everything went down and, therefore, I was moving around and pushing limitations more often, leading to more pangs of pain from my body saying, "would you fucking stop reaching for shit."
One of the pains that was most common in week 2 were these twinging, zapping, pinching feelings coming from, I think, the nerves to my nipples trying to reestablish themselves.
When you start to get these, they can be kind of freaky, but I'm like 95% sure they don't really mean anything. As in, just because they happen when you reach doesn't mean you shouldn't reach. Listen to your gut. They will happen regardless of if you reach or not anyway, reaching just causes them because it means moving the insides of your chest and your nerves are trying to figure out what that means for them now.
More Healing Progress
Here are a couple more pictures I took a few days after the last set:
The bright pink that you can see on the nipple in the left picture is some of the fresh skin showing through from beneath. As you heal, the dead skin will grow darker and the contrast will be more obvious.
That's it for this week! I'll be back again soon with another progress update covering weeks 3 and 4.
Here's another link to the installment masterlist in case you don't want to scroll back up. I still haven't gotten any questions, so don't hesitate to send some in if there's any part of the process you'd like more information on!
#ftm#ftm top surgery#top surgery#surgery#queer#lgbt#lgbt+#lgbtq#lgbtq+#lgbtqia#trans#transgender#trans surgery#ghostsurgeryseries#q&a#series
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If I never see another post from Franzeska aka olderthannetfic here it will be too soon. How dare she answer questions about racism and AO3 like she wasn’t one of the people who helped build it into the very structure of the site? I am quoting this directly from her post (emphasis mine):
We picked the archive warnings from things that were common on older fic archives. Which, yes, reflects what fandom cared about at the time and is not neutral. (And when I say “we”, I do mean me specifically. I can’t remember how much my committee chose those and how much the Board and others drove the exact selection, but I did a lot of the research into older archives at the time. Including something about racism straight up never occurred to me in 2008.)
And sure, our views can evolve a lot in a decade. But Racefail happened in 2009, and none of the topics discussed at the time are different than those we’re focusing on today, 11 years later. For shits and giggles, here is my archived Livejournal post about the entire mess. If you click through to the other links (synedochic’s in particular), I think you will see this is something that didn’t just pop up with Tumblr and the SJW/anti contingent. (I’m not comfortable with conflating antis/fandom fundies/purity wankers with fans legitimately criticizing racism in fandom, but that is how a lot of it gets lumped together as a dismissive tactic.)
Which brings us to That Piece of Shit Meta in 2016. I am linking to the Fanlore entry for context, because the Actual Piece of Shit Meta is archive-locked (you can access it from Fanlore if you really want to read it, but it’s 16K of garbage).
A selection of commentary about it:
Guys, this was the problem all along. I’m doing fandom wrong by falling in love with the wrong source text. If I’d only understood that this wasn’t my space to enjoy non-white and/or non-male characters, because the majority of characters are white men, imagine how much happier I’d be in my life. (allofthefeelings)
they’ve been spouting yt apologia while fetishizing asian culture for years, this is nothing new. i’m pretty sure i’ve read franzeska saying the same things back when racefail ‘09 was going down. like most of this isn’t surprising bc it is exactly what we saw yt lj fandom peeps spouting in 2007-2010 and i’m personally not shocked that these people learned absolutely nothing. they don’t want to learn and being accountable for their actions. (astro-projection [edited to correct quote attribution and link])
Franzeska goes deep into the history of AO3 to talk about why slash is represented heavily there... But in 16,000 words over 13 chapters, there is not one mention of Racefail ‘09. Not a single reference to the time a popular Harry Potter LJ community used a racial slur as a prompt in 2007. Nothing about the Supernatural RPF Big Bang story that used the 2010 Haiti earthquake as a backdrop for a J2 love story (THAT’S A REAL THING THAT HAPPENED). Nothing about the time in 2006 that comics BNF Te pointed out the marginalization black characters faced on two then-juggernauts of white m/m slash fandom, Angel and Smallville. (snarl-furillo, the entire comment is worth reading so please click through)
This erasure of context and history is violent. Because many of the women of color who originally (and still) critique/d and resist/ed fandom’s normalized racism/misogynoir did so to their own detriment and with not insignificant risk to their personal well-being, safety, and privacy. Women of color were ‘outed’ by other fans for speaking out (doxed). They were attacked and silenced from all sides. They lost friends and community. They had to, with great vulnerability, cut themselves open and drag out their own private, internal experiences to air for all the (white) people who disbelieved them. They often found themselves speaking directly to a fucking wall of over-sensitive whiteness that would just as easily topple right on top of them.
If anything in fandom is precious, it’s white feelings. And it always has been. (halfhardtorock)
In 2017 she was part of a Kickstarter to do a film about fangirls and fandom. I asked (you’ll need to hit “show comment” to see it) her to publicly comment about That Piece of Shit Meta, which she did.
But before she did, Chelsea Woods, the co-creator of the project, emailed me about the comment. I don’t remember what exactly the email said, because it was a really long time ago, but she wanted to talk to me about the meta, perhaps to help formulate a response. Chelsea also reached out to somebody else outspoken about the issue at the time, and this is from a DM exchange I had with them:
I understand why Chelsea reached out, as the head of the project and probably because she thought I would be more likely to respond instead of Franzeska. But tbh it feels like Franzeska's trying to get somebody else (a woman of color) to do the legwork for her. To the best of my knowledge I don't have F blocked on Twitter or Tumblr, and it's not like my email is hard to figure out. I don't exactly relish the thought of talking to her, but as the one who fucked up, I feel like it is incumbent upon her to make the gesture...
I basically told Chelsea the same as you, that at this point there is very little she can do to demonstrate she understood what she did was fucked up, and that she has learned anything from the experience.
And when I tried to reblog her response, I found out Franzeska had blocked me, if that gives you any indication of how much she honestly wants to engage in discussion.
Which brings me to now. I was literally today years old when I learned that Franzeska was head of the Abuse team for A While. (Bess says 2008-2012.) So suddenly a lot of things make sense, especially the lackluster (to put it politely) response about racist nonsense I’ve heard over the years, like in male hockey RPF. [edit: additional context in this post, ty Rukmini]
Certainly Franzeska is not responsible for everything racist about AO3, but she has definitely had a hand in shaping a culture that sacrifices the well-being and comfort of black users (among others) on the altar of “maximum inclusivity of content”. To turn the phrase back on them, who is “our own”? Why is it important to preserve an environment where a racially fetishistic fic that objectifies a black hockey player can stay up but a black fan basically has to go in like Viago checking for sunlight?
There is a balance between draconian content restrictions and letting racism, sexism, transphobia, etc run rampant on the site. I’m not saying it will be possible to find it immediately, or that it won’t change over time. But we have to try, if the AO3 is truly committed to making it a place that includes everybody, and not just the specific group of people who designed the site.
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15.15: The Absent Mother
I’ve had to take a great deal of time to pull my thoughts together on this episode because it was so MUCH. I’ve said in the past that I wasn’t a fan of Davy; he often layered his things very thinly. But today was a masterfully interwoven piece to the point I literally watched another show for an hour while thinking about it, went and took a shower for half an hour to scrub my head clean, and came back to this and STILL sat to write about it.
So if you’re new to my meta, I’m going to break the ice. You need to read my The Generational Family post to dip your toes in. It speaks in plain english things that will be less-plain english in this post.
If you’re less-new to my meta, but often floating in the occult references, I’m going to try to drop links to posts or tag folders of references.
But what a fantastic salute to the Empress this entire episode is.
Now let’s dive in.
It’s no secret my blog bangs on about arcana on the regular. I have spoken of the four colors (represented in the above gif but also frequenting the #hues of involution tag).
Frankly, I consider it invariable that the brother focused episode will summon forth The Emperor as a key focus. Somewhere in that chaos binder of tags I even predicted that much when I saw the color themes of the episode, but that’s a whole other aside--just something to put a pin in the idea of while I speak of the Empress, and the Generational Family.
(15.16 update: hahahahah)
I’ve gone feral
BACK TO ORIGINAL 15.15 POST
Some time back I had made a post about Castiel’s tie to this path; be that his frequent association with Mary over time (be it storyline parallels in general arc, John and Mary’s meeting, mixtapes or whatever else); that he and Rowena served as mirror and foil from her earliest conception, back when his parental storylines hovered more in regret over Claire; that Amara and her forced bond were associations of the profound bond and many lines directly mirrored while other motions challenged each other (Eg, heart tie, profound bond>mark bond);
I even made a joke at one point that Castiel should wear a pink trenchcoat to match Rowena’s dress.
This, of course, I joked equally was absurd, and that we would probably have to settle for the violet-pink light of Death on both him and Dean in 15.13′s alchemical Marriage of the Minds.
This Marriage of the Minds you’ll find plenty of topic on for my blog, and all in association with the Art arcana, from which the Occultum is drawn to begin with in its concept. This may seem like a long drift aside from the episode itself, but is more a preface of discussion based reminders.
Either way, @meta-mania-spn outright trolled in to my trenchcoat joke with this when it was released, saying “here’s your pink trenchcoat.”
And how on point you were!
But I’m going to have to ask fandom to do me a favor before we continue any further in this discussion.
I’m going to need you to stop trying to shove everything in singular boxes applicable to one and only-one storyline. Go back to the Generational Family post. Make sure that’s anchored like, in your subconscious at this point. Know it, feel it.
Okay, now we can continue.
Hah hah “You’re standing in The Trap zone.” Okay.
So obviously, we have two major story ends going on right now: On the one hand, Sam and Dean go have a discussion to Amara where they plan to lie to her to pull off a stunt against Chuck; on the other hand, we have Castiel and Jack working a case. This seems simple enough in our structure.
Amara’s face of this ends up being entirely reflection. Of her cosmogenic origins (”We are the same.”), We Are Twins (I point to Thoth’s use of the twins in generational storytelling), etc. Of her history with Dean. Of her reasons of bringing Mary back.
Fandom may not like her reasons for bringing Mary back. They may even hate them. And we’ll get back to this later, but this is the sum of this.
On the other hand, Cas and Jack think a demon is involved. They even summon one. Turns out Rowena, in taking over hell, has adopted a new system. No more tricking and damning souls. People end up where they belong. The demon is bored (which has a funny shout out at the end on him trying to find a new purpose--as a cop, which is about six levels of commentary but I digress), but the continued path of Rowena renovating hell from welcome meetings for damned souls to lack of intentionally dragging others down is made clear, while evoked.
I point back to Rowena’s own history: at one point she aspired for power, but after Funeralia, she was stricken with guilt and grief over feeling like she abandoned her son. This is a thread that I have tried to put in videos over time as a still-binding tie; Castiel staring into Belphegor’s husked out eyes at one point, even if it wasn’t really his fault, just as we lost Rowena who went to essentially reclaim her son’s legacy and throne since she couldn’t atone for his loss.
But then we get to the case. It’s a whole long adventure, much of which has some bog-standard casework; we do have Castiel coming to speak that he found new meaning in becoming a parent (rolling back to the parental thread), and there’s a bunch of great imagery we’ll cover below. But before we get to that, let’s focus on the resolution.
It reveals a broken family structure: Mother was sick and felt shoved away, Father Changed Things, and the child ended up on a destructive path about following god.
Now when I talk about not boxing things in on one level, I’m going to break down this family a bit. We’ll also just totes ignore the Joseph-the-Carpenter tattoo on the pastor that clearly has NOTHING to do with Joseph behind Dean only an episode ago and the entire Emperor theme with the sun behind his head. After the whole Mary behind Cas thing. Nope, nothing to see here. Has NOTHING to do with the generational stuff I’m about to talk below. That’d be silly right?
You also have to think of it this way. If Pastor Joe (yes that’s his FKING name) a parallel, so is his dead wife. There are levels where it was felt she was mocked, and pushed away, which tied into Amara this episode. You have your Chuck and Amara level parallel. However, on the emotional level, the mother figure that Castiel actually ends up representing is also coming due to be absent. And this is about the father's atonement with that just as much as it is with Dean having his dialogue with Amara.
On many levels. Dean and Amara’s dialogue trades of old grudges, old motivations, but also current events and learning to live in the now.
The child, however, was still stuck in the past--a past the mother who told her to believe in God seemed to want, but the same kind of duty Castiel became aware of needing to change in the past. But she got stuck in it.
While she judged people by their sins, Jack and Castiel end up finding the poor unfortunate man judged by Lust, after an entire aside Castiel had with the pastor about one of the victims struggling as a gay man and what-not; For Reasons(TM). But this is an arcana post, not a “point out the obvious fucking screaming queer text and subtext being put in blinker lights this episode” post, so I’m going to generally show that the misguided and wrathful child thought she was carrying out God’s will.
And then I direct you to my Lust tag.
I have far longer stuff on it, but if you skim, you’ll find the loudest message is about not letting a wrathful god judge or punish you for sins. It involves the Whore of Babylon as a symbol of power riding a beast that represented (Aleister) Crowley; or in this case, Rowena riding Crowley to power, but also birthing and rearranging a new world. I point back to the demon in question, and then I gesture to the stuff about Castiel’s impending storyline overlap.
Did other sins get punished, sure; the one girl got greed, for example. If you check my posts on the Lust topic, there are other forms of debauch actually associated with lust beyond just carnal lovers, but the message about ignoring god’s wrath and making the new world remains in-tact.
This is the kind of wrath enacted by the girl. Who is furious about how the aeon changed. Because you changed everything, dad. They don’t worship God, they worship You.
So here’s the fun question: Is this a child of man furious that man is no longer the true god because Chuck in the corrupted Emperor path has changed the world to his whims, just flipped? That is to say, that they no longer see the Shadow as The One True God? Or is this someone throwing a tantrum on Chuck’s behest that the world of man is being reclaimed? Or is it a generalized moral of all of these things contingent on the choices The Ones -- Sam and Dean -- make moving forward? And what of Jack inevitably feeling like he has to do Dean’s commands, with the task laid out to destroy God as mapped by Death, in the inevitable absence of Castiel?
Now this has drifted a wide-berth from speaking of the Empress herself, which I’ll roll back to. I had mentioned, for example, the pink. So let’s talk about why that is.
The Empress is the Matron. While she goes through many forms, this is sort of the central or individualized one. She represents a fertility in preparing to birth the new world. She holds a blossom, she takes a pose I’m not gonna bother breaking down in this post, and she is crowned in a sphere that is passed to her from the Emperor which she will wear until the next aeon from their union is born.
She is represented by the moon, and though her child will eventually become the new sun it must first be the earth, her emperor is her current sun; the son is the reflection of the father in the eyes of the mother; the Empress Moon lets the Emperor Sun shine on her face and brings life to the earth in their union, and again, I point back to the Marriage of the Minds post.
Now, see that bird in the corner? That’s a pelican. It’s frequently associated in old alchemy as the mother giving her life, as part of the birthing process is also death, for her next generation. I have spoken in the past that Byzantium itself is an ideal example of that. The pelican has intensive alchemical implications, but it was believed she “fed her child from her own heart.”
Okay cool so there’s just a bleeding heart right there while Jack struggles with feeling like he has to deal with this alone, while Castiel tries to insist he doesn’t, with the renegade child taking it upon herself to carry out god’s work and essentially going mad/bad. Castiel not wanting to let that all fall on Jack.
There’s also giant posters about THE WORLD and a mirror shadow Safe Place poster which I’m not even going to talk on much beyond gesturing vaguely at my Shadow tag and Universe tag and move on, but I will take particular note of the hands reaching out to Cas and the world as a vague gesture to once again stick a pin in.
I mean there’s a few other themes I’m going to point out for general notes: hearts everywhere,
Some stuff on Day and Night and hands all over/handholding, which I’ll point to my talk on Absence for false dichotomies
And an admittedly offtopical “lmao fuck this news screen”
But with that, I move forward:
The child here was dressed almost EERILY like Mrs Butters, for the record. And uh-- /wore her cross upside down/
They both kind of represent the same thing of misguided ideals, though Mrs Butters proved able to be reasoned with at the end and went to go return to nature where she belonged, just as man should return to his place some day free of god’s machinations; but she didn’t break her cycle and her fate is to be decided after this by court and what-not, which.. you know, fine.
But that’s a note worth passing re: Mrs Butters, but again, it needs to fall to generational; child vs parent, with Mrs Butters being the lightly lamia-associated elder who lost her sons and went mad trying to protect them according to how she had been commanded, just like this story, too, comes to misguided commands in absence.
Add in of course that Butters pointed out Jack was “too much like his father”. This, of course, was a shot at Lucifer in a way, but the serpent she evoked isn’t truly symbolic of Lucifer in our show, it’s about humanity. And uh, who is synonymous synced to in SPN? Even ignoring the relevance of the serpent to the Emperor?
Throughout this episode, Jack waltzes around imprinted on habits from Dean, taking on the weight of the world, sacrifice, doing it alone, and inevitably, small bursts of anger.
While... Amara tracks and polka dances sideways across the Mary issue of idealizations vs realities, of the Now being more important than the Then. Fandom gets stuck on how unfair it was to Dean and considers it torture which, human perspective, fair. But Amara isn’t thinking on your human level. In fact she very loudly flags around how Dean (and frankly, the audience) doesn’t properly perceive the scope of what she even is.
Castiel, driving home, continues to try to be an improved parent. He talks with Jack, and tries to tell him he doesn’t have to do this alone. But Jack is stuck in that rut, and it’s a rut Castiel knows too well. He’s walked these paths and the audience has walked these paths and he can’t let the child handle this alone, though Jack declares it isn’t his choice. Jack has surrendered to what he believes Death commands of him, what the job is.
It’s going to be about choice.
But right now, Jack is too much like his father. And I point back to the Moon, who lets the Sun shine on her face, perceiving the world as a reflection of the Father, of Soul in the eyes of the Mind. This is the path to teach their son to avoid just as much.
Meanwhile, Castiel is punched in the FACE basically by Jack saying not to tell Sam and Dean he’s turning into Soul Bomb Take 2. He doesn’t want to worry them over something he can’t do anything about. Congratulations, Castiel is now living the mirror of Jack knowing the Empty deal and Sam and Dean not being told, and you can SEE the reality of it ALL slam him in the face. Not just because Jack blowing up would negate the point of his sacrifice; I don’t know if that even really plinks his mental armor; but the actual magnitude of that kind of secret.
Burying my clown brain’s fierce desire to talk at length of small details like Cas opting not to wake Dean up in the room, we see a recursion-yet-subversion at the end.
We cut off, here, abruptly. In context of the episode, we know Castiel has at least learned one lesson and is going to try to tell Dean about his deal. But on some level, this all enmeshes thoroughly to Castiel’s Empty deal. Do I think Cas is going to tell the Empty deal in 16? No, I’m gonna guess on some level Sam gets his hands on it around 17 maybe, or nobody at all finds out--or at least Dean himself doesn’t find out--until 18.
In that time they *still* will not have stopped Chuck, that won’t be until 19. So I really wish this arm flailing about “oh god they’re making it all about Cas saving Jack and then dropping it!” would stop because man guys, I’m tired, I’ve been writing you the roadmap on this for two years and haven’t failed yet, pls listen.
Even after episode 18, Castiel’s role is inevitably going to be to take the burden from Jack. ...And Dean will too, but you won’t really even start to wrap your heads around the how and the why until at *least* 16 covers the Emperor path better in scale of the generational family. That’s going to be a joint thing.
Yes, I’m saying that’s going to be a joint thing after the Empty.
The show has taken a highlighter repeatedly to the fact that Jack was neither ready to rule or remove Chuck and that it was all a bad idea. Like “Then who?!” yes HMMM WHO.
Who is sitting here following the path of all of these individuals in this very episode? Do I need to gesture people to literal years of Castiel being associated with every one of these women’s central stories in my meta, make everyone read literal compendiums of it to get the where and why, or is it at least enough in the collective subconscious to be recognized?
What is Rowena doing? What is Rowena doing, right now? She unbirthed an entire realm and is restructuring it; where people go only where they deserve to go, where they aren’t as boxed in but certainly aren’t out there being shitheads for the sake of being shitheads. But man, if only there was SOME ONE ELSE lined up on this whole lunar path, somewhere, with these women.
(For more on the blossom, see my Albedo tag)
For the full context and, frankly, mental breakdowns about 15.13 and what all that amounted to, I point you to the tags I linked above in discussion and lead-in to this post, because I’m not going to re-tread that ground right now.
But Castiel’s deal has always been about saving Jack. Castiel has been the Empress all year and before it. He will continue to be the empress, symbolized as feeding her young from her own heart, and--well, like that above gif (and also like 15.09, but with Sam in that generational rotation), receiving the sphere from the Emperor (Dean) and passing it to the new aeon to be reborn. Jack is the new Aeon. the mother will protect this at any cost.
But I don’t know why fandom pole vaults into assuming then that the Emperor suddenly has no place in this fascinatingly interwoven play. They are part of this cooperative birthing process together. Even in and beyond Death. As it is, there’s parts of Jack’s resignation that will inevitably tie to Castiel with Dean in 18.
As always, the case is a warning tale, but just what side of it you take really depends on where the characters choose to step. Is it a warning of man stepping away from god or god changing the rules on man?
Even Amara’s message is multifaceted: Knowing when to walk away on your own path is not the same as betraying someone. And it’s only going to be by Dean’s manipulation that she would consider it, while he is in fact lying to her; but that’s NOT going to come without a long term price. And frankly, is itself a message for the endgame of this show, with some people thinking taking ones’ own path is tantamount to betrayal. It is not. But what matters it the truth. And the choice. And remembering that we all have a choice.
And what of Cas, after the Empty then?
My soul went to heaven, big surprise.
In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you.
To know what he, himself, is also worth, Castiel will have to make that place within himself. And that will also be the place for his child, and his family, and humankind as he has come to adopt as his people.
...But there was a two step phase to that spell and I remind you Rowena wasn’t alone in that image.
The pink of fertile rebirth.
For more on the Empress, click here.
Anyway
#CASTIELSUTERUS2020
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Ready Player Two — Opening Cutscene & Chapter 0
Hello again.
It’s been a while. I haven’t been active on this blog since, fittingly enough, Ready Player One. I was going to do this sooner—even had an alarm set up and everything—but then, it turns out, I’m feeling so much negativity about the world in general that a book just pales in comparison.
Seriously, I had to scrap this post’s entire intro because it’s not even 2020 anymore as I write this. And you know, maybe that’s for the best. I’m not really in the mood for doom and gloom and bitching anymore. I uninstalled Twitter from my phone a while back, I’ve been doing good at my daily writing sprints, my biggest fanfic project concluded on a positive note from people I didn’t even realize had been following it for years.
So I don’t know what this is going to be like. My commentary, I mean; I’ve heard echoes of what the book is like, so I’m not expecting a surprise there.
The book opens right after the end of Ready Player One, in a “Cutscene” where Wade recounts to us what happened after he won Halliday’s contest. It also assumes you remember exactly who the main characters of the book are, which is a bold move for a sequel that came out almost a decade after the original.
Technically, I could just look up the details I’m fuzzy about. But also, I think it’s more authentic if I don’t. I trust my memory enough that if I’m wrong, it’ll be in subtle enough ways that it’ll almost be a private jokes between all of us. An “if you know, you know” sort of error system. And I don’t think there’s anything more true to the spirit of this book than that.
Shoto had flown back home to Japan to take over operations at GSS’s Hokkaido division.
So Wade starts his tenure with nepotism. Wasn’t Shoto really young? Why is he qualified to run anything?
Aech was enjoying an extended vacation in Senegal, a country she’d dreamed of visiting her whole life, because her ancestors had come from there.
You know what, I’m not touching “send the token black character back to Africa.” This isn’t my lane.
And Samantha had flown back to Vancouver to pack up her belongings and say goodbye to her grandmother, Evelyn.
Why is she saying goodbye? Why, she’s moving to Columbus to be with Wade, of course! It’s not like there was anything else in her life. Was there? And why isn’t she referred to as Art3mis? I’m pretty sure Wade found out all of their offline names in the last book, and the inconsistency mildly bothers me.
These three sentences are back to back, by the way. Someone—I forget who—once described Ready Player One as a book that’s fun to write a wiki about, because it’s got fun concepts to summarize about until you realize that all the emotional connective tissue you need to turn a list of things into a story is missing, and that’s roughly how this first page feels.
Hell, the first line of the book is Wade telling us he remained offline for nine whole days after winning the contest, but by the end of the second paragraph we’re already to him logging back into the OASIS to "distract himself from [his and Samantha’s] reunion.
I’ll give Ernest Cline one thing: it feels like he wrote this opening nine days after the first book and did about as much maturing as a teenage boy would do between the two books.
Way more time is spent describing Wade’s OASIS rig, or the in-game planet where the climax of the last book happened, than anything else in this introduction. He is immediately greeted by a crowd of adoring fans who have been waiting over a week for him to come back in the game, because they’re all grateful that our protagonist and his friends restored their avatars after they were annihilated by the Sixers.
You’d think the adoring fans would serve some kind of purpose, or that something would happen, but no. Wade immediately goes “ew, people” and teleports away, since he essentially has ultimate powers within the game. With a caveat: the powers are actually coming from the Robes of Anorak he’s wearing, and I’m mentioning that in the hopes that it will pay off sometime in the book’s future, assuming Cline at least learned to do that. But still, let’s not skip too fast the fact that we introduced that crowd of adoring fans for no other purpose than to tell us they’re out there, because it fits right in with the last book’s attempts at saying as little as humanly possible in as many words as possible.
Anyway, Wade went back into Anorak’s study, where he arbitrarily checks out the Easter Egg he got at the end of the last book, and finds an inscription on it. I was dreading another riddle, but no, it’s just straight-up instructions to a vault in the GSS archives, so Wade logs off and goes to check it out.
Of course Halliday had put [the archives] [on the 13th floor]. In one of his favorite TV shows, Max Headroom, Network 23’s hidden research-and-development lab was located on the thirteenth floor. And The Thirteenth Floor was also the title of an old sci-fi film about virtual reality, released in 1999, right on the heels of both The Matrix and eXistenZ.
I’m equally shocked that it took two whole pages (on my ereader) to get to the first slew of references, and that one of these references is from 1999. I didn’t know we were allowed to think of anything that isn’t the 80s. Speaking of which, I’ll spare you the whole paragraph, but the book does feel the need to explain why it’s vault 42.
Inside the vault, there’s another egg containing a super-fancy and advanced OASIS headset. The egg also has a video monitor that plays a video message from James Halliday shortly before his death.
But despite his condition, he hadn’t used his OASIS avatar to record this message like he had with Anorak’s Invitation. For some reason, he’d chosen to appear in the flesh this time, under the brutal, unforgiving light of reality.
That oh-so-important message? An infodump about the headset’s working. He called it an OASIS Neural Interface, ONI for short. It basically lets you experience the OASIS through all your senses with sensory input just like the real thing, you know, that thing Wade had to get a fancy suit and massive rig to do in the first book. And yes, Wade does spend a paragraph or two comparing it to other works of science fiction. Of course he does.
More importantly, it also records all the sensory input into a separate file, which can then be replayed over to re-experience said sensations, or live someone else’s experiences. Halliday tries to frame it as a tool to generate communication and empathy, seemingly all without acknowledging the potential creepiness of that. But hey. Who knows. Maybe that’s because this is the setup stage, and it’ll pay off eventually.
I also wondered about the name Halliday had chosen for his invention. I’d seen enough anime to know that oni was also a Japanese word for a giant horned demon from the pits of hell.
Add “reducing Japan to anime” to the list of things the book has failed to improve upon. By the way, the narration insisted on spelling out ONI letter by letter earlier, so it’s weird to make that link now. It’s also just kind of inelegant to just tell us “this is the symbolism behind the name”, but that’s just the sort of thing I’ve come to expect from this book.
Anyway, the reason Halliday kept this for his successor to find is he wants Wade to test out the technology and decide if humanity is ready for it. Why Halliday thinks the most glorified pop culture trivia / video game competition qualifies you for such a decision should be a problem, but sadly, a lot of billionaires have said and done a lot of dumb and eerily similar things in the past few years since I read Ready Player One, so actually, I can’t fault the book for that one. Tragically, our fates really are in the hands of people who should rightfully be cartoon villains.
To his credit, Wade does question Halliday’s motives in keeping this under wraps at all rather than releasing it himself. So hey, maybe it really is setting something up.
Wade goes back to his office with the ONI, and we’re treated with this lovely piece of narration:
I was grateful that Samantha wasn’t there. I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to talk me out of testing the ONI. Because I was worried she might try to, and if she did, she would’ve succeeded. (I’d recently discovered that when you’re madly in love with someone they can persuade you to do pretty much anything.)
There’s a lot to unpack about the implications this has for their relationship, but it’s way too early in the book for me to editorialize when one character hasn’t even been on the page yet. So I’ll just leave it here for the record. Hopefully you see the problem without me needing to point it out anyway. If not, feel free to hit my inbox.
So Wade, confident in the fact that Halliday would have warned him if there were any risks to using the ONI, decides to try it out. Even though he immediately follows up that statement with this:
According to the ONI documentation, forcibly removing the headset while it was in operation could severely damage the wearer’s brain and/or leave them in a permanent coma. So the titanium-reinforced safety bands made certain this couldn’t happen. I found this little detail comforting instead of unsettling. Riding in an automobile was risky, too, if you didn’t wear your seatbelt…
Wade. My dude. What the fuck is this simile. And why don’t you see that maybe a machine where you’re forcibly trapping yourself inside a virtual reality might be dangerous? Hell, when I said this was setting something up, I was expecting something vaguely interesting about the potential breach of privacy, or how you don’t need to literally walk in someone’s shoes to feel empathy for them, or anything substantial, but now I’m worried it’ll just end up as “man, sometimes science fiction machines will scramble your brain, isn’t that weird”?
Like, I don’t know, to me “it will put you in a coma” sounds like a good reason for Halliday not to release the ONI. Maybe we can still make it into a commentary on how corporations will sell stuff they know is directly harmful if it can make them a profit. Who knows.
The book waffles on about more risks, and the mechanics of how the ONI activates, and the warning disclaimer when it does turn on. Specifically, there’s a time limit of twelve consecutive hours, after which you’ll be automatically logged out, because yes, using the thing for too long can also cause brain damage.
Gregarious Simulation Systems will not be held responsible for any injuries caused by improper use of the OASIS Neural Interface.
See, now there’s the sort of thing that could be a source for commentary, but no, instead it’s thrown in there like it’s nothing and Wade glosses over the entire warning, and instead keep wondering why Halliday didn’t just release the ONI if even the safety disclaimers were in place.
By the way: this whole system has apparently gone through several independent human trials already, so I’m finding it hard to imagine that it’s actually a secret Halliday took to the grave as Wade says. Unless he also had everyone involved in those trials killed afterwards. Or maybe they all ended up with brain damage which rendered them incapable of talking about it.
And before you think I’m being unfair and maybe we’re supposed to understand that ourselves even if the protagonist doesn’t, I’ll remind you that the book didn’t trust its reader to know what the number 42 is a reference to, or what an oni is, even though I don’t think anyone in the target audience wouldn’t know about these two things.
There’s also the fact that, since this book came out, a video game did release with a scene intentionally designed to cause seizures, and it had countless fans flocking to defend it over that fact. So you’ll have to excuse me if I’m not assuming this book’s stance on whether your video game console causes brain damage and possibly coma is actually a bad thing, or just an acceptable risk.
Wade certainly seems to think so, since he agrees to the terms of service.
As the timestamp faded away, it was replaced by a short message, just three words long—the last thing I would see before I left the real world and entered the virtual one.
But they weren’t the three words I was used to seeing. I—like every other ONI user to come—was greeted by a new message Halliday had created, to welcome those visitors who had adopted his new technology:
READY PLAYER TWO
Well now that’s just silly.
And that’s our opening cutscene. And while this post is already long enough, I feel like I have to go on to chapter 0, because it feels like barely anything has happened so far. We didn’t even introduce any new character motivation or conflict, or a mystery to set the plot into motion, unless I’m supposed to think “why didn’t Halliday release this?” counts.
So Wade is back into the OASIS, and tells us about how much more real it all feels thanks to the ONI. I especially have to question how he can smell or taste anything—both of which he tells us he can. Like, who coded that? Did Halliday implement every single smell and taste himself, without anyone noticing? I hope you don’t need me to tell you that’s not typically how features are added to a large-scale video game.
If it feels like I’m nitpicking at the logic of the book, even though I always say I’m not very interested in that and would rather talk themes, it’s because I am, because there isn’t much else to discuss so far. Wade is happy about tasting virtual fruit. That’s the scene.
He tests out if he can feel pain, but no, the ONI reduces pain (a gunshot is translated as “a hard pinch”). On one hand, good, it would be a nightmare otherwise. On the other hand, I sort of hope there’s a setting for that in there, because otherwise, you just lost an entire clientele of kinksters.
This was it—the final, inevitable step in the evolution of videogames and virtual reality. The simulation had now become indistinguishable from real life.
Ah, now we have some juicy themes. Because if you think this is the inevitable final step in the evolution of video games, I invite you to look at literally any other art form, and what happened to them once hyperrealism became easy. Hint: they didn’t stop evolving, because it turns out realism isn’t the only goal one can achieve with art.
The realism discussion is not a new one in video games, mind you. In case you’re out of the loop: most of the big-budget blockbuster games (“AAA” as they’re known) are aiming for hyperrealism nowadays, and it results in development teams being forced to work in horrible conditions (known with the equally horrible euphemism of “crunch”). And, because it turns out that 1) humans working themselves to the bones isn’t healthy and 2) racing for realism with little to no vision besides it makes for poor creativity, a lot of these games come out as disappointments. Oh, there are hordes of Gamers™ who will defend them to the bitter end, but inevitably, in the months following release, the defense cools off while the criticism keeps on going, because the defense was a knee-jerk reaction born of a mix of people hyping themselves up for a game they hadn’t seen that much of yet, then attaching a part of their identity to liking that thing.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that this throwaway line feels like it comes from someone who is so out of touch as to accidentally support a world view that has in fact resulted in the biggest part of the industry stagnating artistically while growing more toxic for the people working in it. All the while, more and more independent games come out every year, proving that that realism is nowhere near the most important thing to making a game good, and that you can achieve much better results with a small team.
What I’m trying to say is: watch Jim Sterling’s channel, they’ve been bleeding out subscribers since they came out as nonbinary and make much better commentary on this topic than I could, and play Hades.
Back to the book, which sadly hasn’t become any more interesting since I decided to go on a tangent. Wade tests the ONI functions some more, all the while musing on how he knows Samantha would disapprove but that he doesn’t care, because what loving relationship doesn’t consist of that?
Among the functions, he tries the ONI files, the aforementioned recordings of someone else’s experiences. Specifically, a woman, which Wade tells us by telling us he suddenly has breasts, I suppose because Ernest Cline saw that subreddit about men writing women and went “I want a piece of that”. Oh, and also, those sample files were recorded from real people, in the real world. And yes, this goes exactly where you think it does.
SEX-M-F.oni, SEX-F-F.oni, and SEX-Nonbinary.oni
Look, I actually started writing a complaint about the boobs thing, and I deleted it, but now Cline is doing it on purpose. So, here goes: I saw a quote from this book on Twitter that looked like Cline attempting to make up for Wade’s casual transphobia in the first book. It wasn’t good, but it at least sounded like he was trying. So to immediately get this is…a lot? Let’s go for a lot.
I can almost excuse the use of “M” and “F”. You gotta name your files and you could excuse a non-exhaustive list. But…nonbinary? On one hand, I want to know what Cline means. On the other hand, I don’t think he can come up with an answer I’ll find satisfactory.
We are thankfully spared from finding out because Wade has just lost his virginity to Samantha a few days ago and he’s 1) not ready for this and 2) pretty sure this counts as cheating. You could make a case that this is more like porn, but I can see that this is more of a personal distinction anyway, and I can respect that one. Plus, you know. I don’t want to find out.
Wade logs off, and he can’t tell the difference between the OASIS with the ONI, and decides this will change the world. And then it’s back to the “how did he do it and keep it a secret”, even though Wade now finds out in the documentation that this had been in development for twenty-five years, basically since the OASIS launched. So it’s not really that it’s a secret, so much as there are a lot of people under very strict NDAs out there. Or, again, they’re all dead and/or otherwise incapacitated.
The ONI is the product of the Accessibility Research Lab, and Wade tells us about other stuff that the lab has produced using similar technology, mostly for medical purposes.
GSS patented each of the Accessibility Research Lab’s inventions, but Halliday never made any effort to profit from them. Instead, he set up a program to give these neuroprosthetic implants away, to any OASIS users who could benefit from them. GSS even subsidized the cost of their implant surgery.
Look, it’s nice that you want Halliday to be the good guy through and through, but it’s kind of hard to take any social commentary seriously when you think this is how a billionaire is made. Hell, even when he shut down the lab and fired its entire staff, he gave them a big enough severance package to set them for life. You know. Capitalism!
Hey, remember when Samantha said she was going to end world hunger if she won the contest, a thing billionaires right now could be doing, but aren’t, and she is now the co-owner of GSS? Yeah, I kind of hope the book remembers that too.
Speaking of the co-owners, the book just completely skips over the debate that our four main characters have over whether or not to release the ONI to the world. All we know is that they voted, and the vote goes in favor of releasing it. I mean, why have characters who could have opinions and feelings that could create a discussion? That might make us care about them! And who wants to care about characters in a story?
We put them on sale at the lowest possible price, to make sure as many people as possible could experience the OASIS Neural Interface for themselves.
What exactly is “the lowest possible price” here? Your company literally owns money. Like, OASIS money is real money. There is literally nothing stopping you from giving them away, especially because what you’re giving away is access to the platform you’re already running for a profit.
It’s almost like, even trying to make “good billionaires” out of its protagonists, the book can’t stop and actually make them significantly good.
Oh, I should mention. If you thought my Ready Player One review was angry at capitalism, wait until you see what the past couple years have done to me.
Anyway, once they his 7,777,777 simultaneous ONI users, a new riddle shows up on Halliday’s website. Because yep: our plot is apparently not about the implications of releasing the ONI, or any of the potential ideological discussions associated with that, it’s another riddle. Oh boy, do I wish I’d known that.
Seek the Seven Shards of the Siren’s Soul On the seven worlds where the Siren once played a role For each fragment my heir must pay a toll To once again make the Siren whole
I cannot wait to have the book give me just not enough information to solve the riddle until it’s solved by the book itself. That was so much fun the other…what was it, five times? Six times? Something like that. Wade already tells us the Siren might be Kira Morrow, because her alias was named after one of the sirens of Greek myth, so I can’t wait for that plot point to stick around. It was so fun to hear all about this man pining for another man’s wife the first time!
So this is the “Shard Riddle”. People are apparently convinced it was made by Wade and his crew as a publicity stunt, but of course, they know that that isn’t the case, and they also don’t know what that riddle is supposed to lead to. So, that’s great. We have a puzzle, and we also don’t know what the stakes are. All we know is that Wade wants to solve the puzzle essentially because it’s a challenge.
We skip over a year, and Wade tells us about how IOI collapses and gets absorbed by GSS because of the ONI’s launch. Remember IOI? They were the bad guys, so I guess we have to cheer?
GSS absorbed IOI and all of its assets, transforming us into an unstoppable megacorporation with a global monopoly on the world’s most popular entertainment, education, and communications platform.To celebrate, we released all of IOI’s indentured servants and forgave their outstanding debts.
On one hand: good for the slave. On the other hand: not gonna cheer for a monopoly, you guys.
Another year’s skip, and now 99% of the OASIS users are using the ONI, and yes, that includes trading their experiences with one another too. And I guess we’re still hand-waving any possible problems associated with that technology, because the technology is made so that all recordings must be shared and played through the OASIS.
This allowed us to weed out unsavory or illegal recordings before they could be shared with other users.
How? Do you know any of the problems associated with content moderations on the current platforms? I don’t know if I want to point to Youtube’s extremely faulty algorithm, Twitter’s complete apathy towards its Nazis, or Facebook doing moderation by making underpaid staff watch all potentially problematic content, which resulted in serious psychological damage to said staff.
You can’t just say that as if it solved everything. The chapter later says this is handled by an AI called “CenSoft”, and as an AI engineer myself, let me tell you: this is not going to work. Again: Youtube is the way it is for a reason.
It also let us maintain our monopoly on what was rapidly becoming the most popular form of entertainment in the history of the world.
And again, monopolies are totally a good thing as long as it’s in the right hands!
When I’m implying that the book does not care for any of these potential problems, I mean it. These enormous ethical issues are sidestepped in cold narratin, and we just keep going on introducing new slang that I hate, but have to quote so help you keep up.
“Sims” were recordings made inside the OASIS, and “Recs” were ONI recordings made in reality. Except that most kids no longer referred to it as “reality.” They called it “the Earl.” (A term derived from the initialism IRL.) And “Ito” was slang for “in the OASIS.” So Recs were recorded in the Earl, and Sims were created Ito.
There. You have been infodumped.
In the midst of all this (still extremely dry) exposition about how this changed media, we also get this tidbit:
You could take any drug, eat any kind of food, and have any kind of sex, without worrying about addiction, calories, or consequences.
Now, I was going to rant about this, but then, a page later, this happens and spares me the trouble:
I’d struggled with OASIS addiction before the ONI was released. Now logging on to the simulation was like mainlining some sort of chemically engineered superheroin.
So, you are aware that addiction isn’t just possible, but extremely facilitated by this. But sure, no worries! It’s perfectly safe! Because our protagonists are good.
Also, remember how the last book ended on a weak attempt at having a moral that maybe the real world is good, actually? Yeah, Wade tells us the ONI helps poor people live enjoyable lives in the OASIS. So. Fuck that message, I guess. It only applies if you’re the literal wealthiest man on Earth.
And me?
All my dreams had come true. I’d gotten stupidly rich and absurdly famous. I’d fallen in love with my dream girl and she had fallen in love with me. Surely I was happy, right?
Not so much, as this account will show.
Aside from the aforementioned returning OASIS affiction, there’s the Shard riddle that Wade is now obsessed with, to the point of offering a billion-dollar reward to anyone with information about the riddle’s answer.
I announced this reward with a stylized short film that I modeled after Anorak’s Invitation. I hoped it would seem like a lighthearted play on Halliday’s contest instead of a desperate cry for help. It seemed to work.
On one hand: good, Wade finally has a character flaw that the book actually acknowledges as a character flaw. I can work with that. On the other hand: this is all told to me in such a dispassionate that I am dreading how the book will handle this character flaw. Which is to say, I’m not expecting it to be very good.
(For a brief time, some of the younger, more idealistic shard hunters referred to themselves as “shunters” to differentiate themselves from their elder counterparts. But when everyone began to call them “sharters” instead, they changed their minds and started to call themselves gunters too. The moniker still fit. The Seven Shards were Easter eggs hidden by Halliday, and we were all hunting for them.)
Especially when this is something the narration feels is more important to tell me about.
Anyway, skip another year, and a gunter finally leads Wade to the First Shard. Solved that riddle, I guess. And wait, wasn’t part of why IOI was ~evil~ in the first book that they were paying people to find the Easter Egg for them? How is this any different, Wade?
And when I picked it up, I set in motion a series of events that would drastically alter the fate of the human race.
As one of the only eyewitnesses to these historic events, I feel obligated to give my own written account of what occurred. So that future generations—if there are any—will have all the facts at their disposal when they decide how to judge my actions.
And that is the end of our chapter 0. And can I just say: what a mess already. I don’t think my snark can properly convey how utterly devoid of emotion this book’s writing is, and that alone is honestly more of a turn-off than anything else in the book so far. Even, knowing that I railed about it in the first book, I still feel newly unprepared for it. And it’s not like this double-prologue is making me hopeful that the book will show an ounce more critical thinking—or decent fucking humanity towards marginalized groups—as its predecessor.
So, that’s a lot to look forward to! For the sake of my sanity and schedule, don’t expect me to do such big posts every time. I’ll probably do one chapter a week from now on, if that. We’re in for a long ride, but I hope it’s worth it, at least.
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Alright, so this is a bit later than I intended, but real life is a pain sometimes. And for those who missed the last post, that’s mostly on me for posting it at midnight, so you might want to go back and check for that - it covers the whole convo between Toshinori and Izuku on the rooftop!
But yeah, this is the final stretch, all the rest of chapter 1, so let’s hop right into it because it’s gonna be a ride.
[No. 1 - Midoriya Izuku: Origin]
Lookit that firebreath (I know it’s not shh). Also, again with the weird lack of crowds / people around in what should have at least a few stragglers. I get that drawing crowds / background masses is annoying, but in a wideview scene like this it’s unnerving. Japan is a high-population-density country, so… uh...
Izuku stares forlornly at his notebook, thinking about all the things people have told him over the past half chapter I mean day about being realistic and thinking seriously about his future. Izuku turns the book so the title faces away from him and starts tearing up, rubbing them away while he chastises himself for crying when he already knew he was being unrealistic, and that his knowing was what had driven him so hard to not see reality.
Overhead sign: 田 (den/ta) 等 (tou) 院 (in) 商店 (shouten) [business] 街 (machi) [boulevard, street]
Store sign: (コ)ネストアー (konesutoaa) [cornerstore]
Well, there’s the crowds, though still not able to account for all that empty street. We also see that Izuku has managed to wander his way to another hero fight despite not even really paying attention, and even though he tells himself he’s going to make himself feel bad for watching, he still heads over to join the crowds.
He snaps out of his funk when he sees the villain, asking himself how they got away, then realizes he must have made All Might drop it, which means it’s his fault (which kid, honestly, considering he just left those bottles in open flap pockets instead of holding them firmly in his hands, you are not the one to blame.) Also, he utters the ‘this is my fault’ out loud, but the people in front of him obviously don’t hear, distracted as they are with the reason the heroes are just standing around - which is the middle schooler the villain has.
Izuku has a brief flashback to when he was being violated by the villain, and is horrified that someone else is going through the same pain. We get a brief panover of the crowd:
Izuku and Toshinori are like, only fifteen feet apart here, and have the same reaction to the crowd’s commentary. Incredible. We zoom back in to Izuku, who is blaming himself for All Might not being able to do anything. He mentally echoes the same words as the heroes, that someone with the right quirk needs to show up to help catch the guy. He internally tells the captured person to hang in and apologies, saying someone will save him soon.
God I love this spread. This is everything about Izuku right here. You can actually see where Izuku shoved himself through the crowd in order to sprint forward, and you can also see the genuine fear in Katsuki’s eyes in that moment where he and Izuku locked gazes. Also I checked, he sprinted right past three pro heroes, with none of them reacting in time. Incredible.
Toshinori and said heroes all freak out, and Izuku’s panicking right along with them but is still rushing forward despite that. Death Arms and the bird-helmet hero both yell at Izuku to get back, but don’t actually go after him. The sludge villain and Katsuki both react as well, recognizing Izuku.
Izuku’s notebook hits the ground spine first, and we flash over to Izuku wondering what the hell he’s doing. The sludge villain moves to try and hit Izuku when he gets close enough, while Izuku pulls off his backpack and continues to panic-think over what to do… with the book just so happening to open to the page he ends up thinking about, on Kamui Wood’s signature attack from the beginning of the chapter.
He throws his backpack right at the sludge, all the stuff in it flying out as extra ammunition for the villain’s face to dodge, and while distracted, Izuku ducks underneath the strike and calls for Kacchan. Fortunately, the sludge has been forced to pull away from Katsuki’s mouth, allowing him to take a breath before demanding “You? Why?!”
Remember this for (checks watch) 284 chapters from now. Also fuck, I just realized, remember this?
'a pro should always be ready to risk his life'
'the reason I smile is to stave off the overwhelming pressure and fear I feel'
'a symbol of peace who saves people with a smile must never be daunted by evil'
Izuku took those words to heart as well, and is already reflecting them only moments after his dreams were crushed. And you can tell in the next panel that Toshinori heard those words and was slammed right to the core because of it, because he knows that kind of drive, that sort of spirit.
We see the villain going back to suffocating Katsuki, while telling Izuku to stop it. Toshinori calls himself pathetic again while powering up, and the villain tells Izuku to stop getting in his way, that it’s only a bit longer, and moves to smash Izuku out of the way. Inside the sludge, we can see Katsuki close to passing out. The other heroes finally dash forward to try to get him out of there in time, only for someone else to latch onto the arms of both kids instead.
That someone, of course, being All Might, still steaming from going into his hero form. He tells Izuku that he (All Might) should ‘practice what he preaches’ and reiterates that a pro should always be ready to risk his life (while blood seeps from his teeth).
I’m blown away by Horikoshi’s art in this, and this is where he started. God, just thinking of current manga events and the art there… this man needs to be stopped, he’s too powerful, I am going to cry doing comparisons and I don’t even have a clue about any fancy art terminology or the like, all I can do is stand back and be awed.
Izuku has had a rough day.
And here we see the force of the blow, which somehow didn’t blow away the crowds or damage the windows of all the buildings of the surrounding blocks. Jesus fucking christ. And then the remnants of the blow head upward, causing it to start raining because of the rising air current from that one punch.
How was all that shit not blown away????? A mystery to everyone. Also, Katsuki and Izuku are both passed out on the ground while the crowd and media go fucking wild over what All Might just did. All Might turns to keep an eye on the two while also wobbling slightly, the pressure of holding this form past his limits.
After that, we go back to narration from Izuku, talking and showing the cleanup efforts and the villain in two garbage bags (as he deserves). The heroes chastise Izuku for putting himself in danger (I want to note that this has nothing to do with his quirklessness as far as the scene portrays), while Katsuki gets praised for being tough and having a good quirk, and gets an offer to sidekick. Katsuki isn’t listening or just plain doesn’t care, too busy glaring… or not really? At Izuku.
We get a short scenery panel, I guess to suggest the passage of time, and then we see Izuku putting his backpack back on, thinking moodily about wanting to apologize to All Might but not being able to, so he’s planning on leaving a message on the hero’s website. Katsuki calls Izuku out, and takes a shaky moment before snapping at him, saying he didn’t need Izuku to save him, that he could have handled it himself, that he doesn’t want a quirkless kid’s pity, and that he’s not gonna get won over just with this and to stop mocking him. He then spins on his heels and stomps off with a last ‘stupid nerd’, while Izuku thinks Katuski’s a tough guy. He still agrees with Katsuki, though - he didn’t do anything, he didn’t change anything, but he’s still happy, and now he can focus on a realistic future.
And then All Might zooms into view, scaring the hell out of Izuku. Izuku asks why he’s there when he was surrounded by reporters, and All Might says it wasn’t hard to shake them off, considering who he is- before he hacks up blood and deflates into Toshinori. Toshinori continues on more calmly, saying he’s there to thank Izuku and revise his earlier statement, as well as offer a proposal.
He starts off on how, without Izuku’s story, he would have been nothing but ‘fake muscles and insincerity’, and thanks Izuku. (Izuku quietly muttering ‘fake muscles?’ here makes me cackle, because honestly, same.) Izuku tries to refute it, saying it was his fault from the beginning, getting in All Might’s way and daring to ask if he could be a hero despite his quirklessness- only for Toshinori to cut in and say that that was exactly it - out of everyone there, it was only the timid, quirkless kid who acted, and in so spurred him to action.
He goes on to talk about how the top heroes show signs of greatness as children, how many of them claim that their bodies moved before they could think. Izuku is shaking and clutching at his heart, hunching over and tearing up as he recalls his mother’s words, her apology to him. Toshinori continues, asking if that was what happened to Izuku, who replies with a yes while crying. He thinks about what he’d wanted his mom to say back then, and so we cut to the end of the chapter:
God, what a fucking great first chapter. I can’t think of another series I’ve read that hooks me in so well right from the start like this.
Also wait, holy shit, the anime LIED to us.
‘The story of how I became a great hero’, not ‘how I became the greatest hero’. There’s a massive distinction in there between the two, and Izuku’s character leans WAY more towards the manga phrasing over the anime phasing. He’d never consider himself the greatest, those would always go to All Might and likely Katsuki first, and then probably his other classmates and friends as well. He’d be happy to be among the greats, but he’d never consider himself on top of them all.
...huh, that’s the end, besides the one character panel that I’m gonna throw in a separate post. I fucking love this project so much, and I really wanna see what else the manga has to offer that the anime has lied to me about. This section went by a bit faster than expected, but I suppose that’s what comes from almost all of it being action, so. Thanks for sticking around so far, and let’s see what’s to come in chapter 2 together! :D
#chapter 1#opening arcs#readthrough#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#yagi toshinori#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#this went faster than expected#ah well that just means this chapter is done#(celebrate emoji)#man there was a lot to unpack in this chapter#I fuckin love Horikoshi's work
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do u have any reccomendations for how to read only comics involving rictor and shatterstar?? i used to be into marvel comics so i am immune to the usual comic shenanigans but i would like to learn more about these boys
here is a guide to reading xmen comics for rictor and shatterstar, my favorite canon comics couple! they were the first on-panel gay kiss in a marvel comic! they’re very special to me!
OKAY SO... ok. for anyone else using this, here’s a standard disclaimer that obviously there’s gonna be a lot in these that just absolutely sucks because 1. the 90s, 2. comics are an extremely cishet white male dominated industry. i do not vouch for everything written in these comics, but i think the gaycoding that eventually gets canonized is worth wading through a lot of stupid bullshit and very ugly art.
quick backstory on these two: rictor is a mexican teenager who was kidnapped by an anti-mutant terrorist group and was rescued by x-factor (the original 5). he hung around their auxiliary teen group the x-terminators for most of x-factor, being a delightful little punk (wearing a sleeveless leather vest a lot of the time!) and hanging out with boom-boom (who i love) and then got put into the new mutants for a very short time (where he had a thing with rahne/wolfsbane), before it was dissolved and transformed into x-force when rob liefeld took over the title. rictor hates team leader 90sdude cable because he thinks cable killed his dad in front of him. he tends to be the snarky asshole on the team.
the first part of this article has a lot of little rictor moments i’m not covering here. if you want the full rictor experience, check out x-factor (1986) and !x-terminators! x-factor starts very slowly but it picks up and improves when the simonsons take the helm.
rictor left the team. shatterstar was introduced by liefeld - he’s an Emotionless Warrior Guy Who Loves To Fight from mojoworld (a planet run by a despot who produces tv. it’s Commentary), where he was forced to be a gladiator from birth and doesn’t know a lot of earth customs and doesn’t have emotions (or rather, he represses them).
x-force (1991) feel free to read through all of it, but in case you just want to skip to these two, all of these issues have one or two good little Moments - just do some skimming. i tend to focus more on rictor than star in this era because star is made more interesting than Emotionless Warrior Guy by butting up against rictor:
13-16 (rictor rejoins his old new mutants friends)
19, 21-26 (the first phase of their relationship where they don’t really get along. in one of these issues rictor stares at star’s ass. big moment of star being autism-coded in here too)
29-30 (rictor drives shatterstar around and they seem to get along better, you get to learn a bit about star’s past, adam-x the x-treme is there)
32-33 (just some little moments of them hanging out, a couple good rictor lines)
34 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor backstory issue! AND this has the first big Subtext moment: shatterstar reveals he learned spanish from tv so he and rictor can have “conversations of a highly -- personal nature” HELLO?)
35 (some little moments where you can see star and rictor are now Friends and star is affected by that friendship)
39-40 (more good friendship - rictor asks if star has been watching dating shows and they just seem close. rictor also has gotten a haircut! we learn shatterstar’s mojoworld designation! they ride some motorcycles!)
43 (VERY IMPORTANT - the two go to a club. rictor tells star he’s a virgin then asks him if he has a dick. i am not kidding this literally happens. star learns what sexual attraction feels like and says ‘i don’t know what emotions im supposed to attach to that’, and rictor tells him he’ll help him learn.)
44 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor leaves the team because he doesn’t want to have the team communicate telepathically (VERY interesting for a character who is eventually revealed to have been a closeted gay man). shatterstar begs him not to leave - “you’re my best and only friend.” rictor tells him that if he ever needs him, he’ll come back.)
cable (1993) #22 (follows up directly on rictor leaving the team - star accompanies rictor to the airport and has a lot of Feelings and has great hair. “julio. one last time. please, change your mind. what am i going to do without you?” oh so you’re dependent on your best friend who you’re in love with? oh?)
45, 47-48 (star’s weird biology, star brings up rictor as his emotional touchstone in a situation where he isn’t relevant at all. also, a plotline where tabby gets treated terribly by her friends and the narrative!)
49 (VERY IMPORTANT - star wanders around at night wondering why rictor hasn’t contacted him yet. he goes to the club he and rictor went to in #43 and turns down a girl who hits on him. he thinks “i miss julio...” (in an earlier issue, rictor tells cable not to call him by his first name - “only my mom calls me that”), then beats up some homophobes in an alley. I AM NOT KIDDING.)
51-52 (51 has more weird star biology. 52 has two pages of star and james talking that is a nice look at star’s developing emotional state - the rest of 52 is a fight with one of marvel’s extremely fatphobic villains, just a warning to skip the rest of it. although the letter page of 52 has someone go HEY ARE RICTOR AND SHATTERSTAR IN LOVE? thank you roeland looman from the netherlands)
54-56 (the start of shatterstar’s weird bad benjamin russell backstory that is quickly forgotten, disregarded, and uncared about by everybody. BUT in 54, there is some extremely loud subtext where star’s feelings for rictor are explicitly compared to a het romance subplot!)
58 (star is very chill and flamboyant for like two pages, it’s great)
59-61 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor returns because star Needs him in the midst of his identity crisis!! it’s so joyful and sweet for them both, and the subtext is so LOUD here - there’s just. so much going on, i won’t describe it all, but it’s very good content and their emotionally intimate relationship is very apparent - really excellent gaycoding. the weird shatterstar backstory wraps up circuitously and to no great effect, but the art in the last issue is very nice, and rictor’s plain and uncomplicated concern for star is great.)
63-65 (some little moments - shatterstar and rictor time travel and beat up some nazis, star has a lovely conversation with siryn,)
x-force/cable ‘97 (the team goes to asgard! the important thing is that star says some goofy “ah... warriors...” things, and then rictor teases star for liking delivery pizza. it’s very charming)
67 (they hang out with tabby in a van. shatterstar has pigtails!)
70 (VERY IMPORTANT - rictor and shatterstar exit the team together to go take down rictor’s crime family in mexico! they seem very devoted to each other. shatterstar’s hair is all the way down!)
post leaving x-force:
76 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar return for one issue - rictor gets held captive to force shatterstar to fight domino!)
x-force annual 1999 (VERY IMPORTANT - ricstar get their own story about what they’re doing in mexico! shatterstar has an ugly little goatee, but rictor looks great! they choose to share a room rather than sleep separately and then it kind of feels like they shared a bed! rictor has learned star’s alien language! they genuinely just seem so close and comfortable with each other, it’s incredible.) (if you’re using RTO, it’s within the rest of xforce’s issues)
they’re both in comics limbo for the first half of the 00s besides a couple random flavorless appearances. shatterstar at some point goes back to mojoworld to help with the war against mojo. then we hit peter david’s x-factor run in 2006, known as x-factor investigations (xfi). this directly follows the “house of m” event - what matters is that the vast majority of mutants have been depowered by the scarlet witch. rictor is one of them.
rictor is a main character of the team from the first issue (the series opens with him about to attempt suicide), so if you wanna read the run you can start from the beginning. x-factor is... well, there are worse-written comics. it’s an okay read, but i find PAD’s writing insufferable a lot of the time (he writes multiple man as a pretty blatant self insert, and literally every girl on the team wants to fuck him at some point or another). i read the whole thing and it’s decent comics, but you might want to skip to the ricstar.
PAD canonizes ricstar, which is great! but unfortunately: 1. he writes star as “slutty bisexual just can’t stop wanting to fuck people besides his partner who is uncomfortable with that!”, which is biphobic and sucks hugely, especially since it feels so different from xforce original shatterstar (see this post). rictor also just seems so annoyed with him all the time, which also sucks - they’re best friends!! let rictor like his boyfriend!!
anyway. if you choose not to read all of xfi, here are the ricstar highlights:
first issue of xfi for rictor's horrible mental state after m-day
14 (jamie implies that star would be jealous of rictor hanging out with quicksilver)
43, 45, 49 (star reappears!! he’s mindcontrolled, but it gets fixed, and he and rictor have the first ever on panel gay kiss at marvel!! yaaaay!! then they talk about their relationship a little)
after issue #50 it changes the numbering, so if you’re using RCO youll have to go to xfactor (1986) #200 to continue
200 (SHATTERSTAR FIGHTS THE THING!)
continue to read between here for star apparently being unable to stop kissing people. sigh. star sleeps with adult layla, which... sigh. whatever
207-208 (rictor and shatterstar semi-resolve the stupid biphobic plotline, resolve to work on their relationship, rahne discovers them (she and rictor had been sleeping together earlier in xfi), rahne is pregnant and homophobic, rahne and star fight, star is a delightful bitch)
209 (shatterstar on a pirate ship. that's it)
210 (rictor confirms that he is gay and it wasn’t legit when he’s been with women. there’s a moment where it's like "oh star makes rictor laugh" which is epic)
211-212 (star is said to be frustrated about rictor and rahne, rahne’s baby’s actual dad is revealed)
213 (rictor and rahne mostly resolve their shit)
216 (star and monet hang out, star thinks monet tells him to pee on rictor, spiderman is there)
217 (there’s a joke about the longstanding theory that longshot and star are related, monet is revealed as muslim in a very dumb way)
220 (star and rahne have a pretty nice conversation about their relationships to rictor and rahne’s faith. rictor does an offscreen internalized homophobia)
221 (star and rahne continue to hang out but it’s not as good as the previous issue.)
222 (oh my god, rictor cares about shatterstar being hurt! rahne owns up to how she kind of treated rictor like shit!)
pop over to avengers: the children’s crusade (a young avengers miniseries with good ol’ billy/teddy and i like it! but if you don’t want to read the whole thing - rictor and shatterstar appear in #6, and rictor is the first mutant to be repowered! they’re more tender with each other over their five page appearance than they are in xfi, so it’s a balm)
225-226 (PAD decides the first thing rictor does with his powers is be a scab [DEEP SIGH], rictor and shatterstar discuss rictor getting his powers back, the biphobic plotline is resolved again kind of in a very PAD-y way)
235-236 (shatterstar gets to be the main character of a mini arc. fights a mojo guy)
238 (ricstar go with rahne to help her find her son)
242 (they find her son. not as important imo)
248 (oh my god... they joke together :) they like being around each other :) also shatterstar goodboy moment. then in 249 rictor’s life is spared bc of shatterstar’s goodboy moment)
259 (SHATTERSTAR’S CRAZY CONVOLUTED BACKSTORY THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS TO HIS CHARACTER! YAHOO! and star has a cute little bob)
after xfi wraps up, there’s a couple years of limbo before they appear in secret warriors (2017) #2-3 (end of #2 and most of #3), which is a big crossover event or something. i don’t know, it’s an inhumans comic, and as an xmen person i am contractually obligated to roll my eyes at the inhumans. ricstar both have mustaches, star doesn’t speak, and rictor has the ugliest costume ever (green tracksuit with no socks??) (tabby also has a terrible costume). it’s just more inhumans trying to be a match to the xmen and utterly failing to not look & act like total jackasses (except, of course, for kamala and moon girl). rictor’s jokes that daisy johnson should get more original powers (she also has seismic powers - rictor predates her!), and then daisy blows up the xmen’s jet. while it’s in the air. this is a very neat summary of most mutant-inhuman relations.
now we enter the current era of “on again off again” relationship limbo.
rictor appears next in iceman (2017). in #9 he states that he and star have apparently broken up offscreen! and then he hits on bobby! sina grace is a cool person but this writing decision is so... aghhh. the next issue he and bobby go out on a date and he’s immediately like “yeah i only have my eyes on star”, so it seems to be more “it’s complicated” than “we’re broken up for good.” he sticks around to help out with a mission in #10-11.
they’re on again in new mutants: dead souls, where rictor is a part of the team and he’s hilarious and has so many great lines! shatterstar also makes a couple cameos throughout and they’re all super sweet! they seem very domestic and comfortable and happy, i love their dynamic in this. my favorite shatterstar panel ever is in #6, where he is making rictor pancakes and is only wearing an apron. please ignore all the big plot things that happen at the end of this, especially everything with karma. they are stupid, dumb, and do not matter.
related to nm:ds, rictor appears in multiple man #1 as part of that team and looks very very cute. and he isn’t whitewashed like in nm:ds!
off again in the shatterstar (2018) miniseries. i have a lot of mixed feelings about this because i LOVE all the rictor stuff, the first issue codes shatterstar as autistic in a very characterful way, it doesn’t whitewash rictor for once, and the covers are GORGEOUS! but it also attempts to retcon a ton of star’s emotional backstory AND arc set out in xforce, casting a black woman as his emotionally manipulative ex. also star is a landlord (ew). my advice with this one is to treat all the flashbacks as not-really-canon since they suck.
star appears in extermination (2018) #3-4 and gets mind-controlled into trying to kill the time-displaced teen o5 (timetraveling baby cable is trying to put them back where they came from), and the art looks great and i feel really bad for him. rictor makes a follow-up cameo in uncanny x-men (2019) #9-10, where you can see that he’s at the school in order to visit shatterstar since he’s with cecelia reyes. he then goes to fight nate grey/x-man, where he gets sucked into the age of x-man pocket universe/event.
around half the xmen get trapped and brainwashed in that pocket universe where there is no love or family, merely friendship and comradery (it’s an attempt by nate grey to ‘fix’ the xmen by getting rid of all the soap opera stuff - it’s a bit meta wrt how xmen are the soap opera superheroes). there are a couple different titles for this event: rictor appears in age of x-man: x-tremists #4-5. people have mixed feelings about this title due to the gay characters (northstar and iceman) enforcing no-romance laws that very intentionally parallel anti-gay laws from real life, but rictor is just chilling and running an illegal romance movies theatre, and then he gets drunk and then starts a riot and he’s just delightful in this.
everyone outside of the pocket universe thinks everyone who disappeared was killed. shatterstar is part of the team in x-force (2019) (there are two 2019 x-forces: this is vol 5, written by ed brisson) who are trying to track down young cable (baby cable, or “bable”), who killed older cable, who formed good old 90s xforce. boom-boom is the best part of this entire run, hands down. the art is expressive and interesting but i Hate how they draw warpath (the one time he’s free from comic book limbo!). shatterstar is in full “i only like fighting please let me fight i am a difficult asshole” mode, and talks about grieving rictor in #7 and #10. this is never really resolved since age of x-man is thrown over for hoxpox (BIG status quo changes & current era of xmen comics), but aside from my little ricstar heart i can’t really mind.
rictor is currently appearing as part of the team in excalibur (2019), and has been very... cozy... with apocalypse. at the time of writing (halloween 2020), it’s very heavily ambiguous what exactly their relationship is besides “intense” and i still have no clue what to think about it. he and star have been stated by the writer to be exes, but i also know tini howard is a ricstar fan so im holding out for good things! and it’s cool that rictor is getting a ton of focus and a lot of powering up. i remember reading xfi #1 and being amazed at how rictor described how soul-deep his earth powers were and wanting more of that, and excalibur has that for him in spades. (i am still withholding a lot of judgment wrt rictor’s writing in excalibur until i see how things pan out)
after reading to excalibur #12, switch over to x-factor (2020). read the first three issues because i love northstar and prodigy and rachel. please ignore a couple cringe comments towards poor daken. shatterstar appears in #3, trapped on mojoworld, getting traumatized, and breaking my heart as i write this. that last data page... free my boy!!!!
after x-factor #3, read x of swords: creation. more rictor and apocalypse being Close. after that, read x-factor #4 for apocalypse being very Attached to rictor, and then rictor looking very good and freshly resurrected. then continue reading excalibur. in may, x-factor is going back to mojoworld!!
that’s all there is so far! i think within the next year there will be even more content for us, and im very eager to get to that content. i will update this post as things come out.
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Immortals Fenyx Rising
Day 2 review of Immortals Fenyx Rising: I love this.
Unpopular opinion: I love this more than Breath of the Wild.
Want to know why?
I knew some of the reviews for this game ahead of time and someone commented the voice acting was terrible. They were wrong. I personally enjoy how it's laid out for several reasons.
Everyone speaks in an accent except one character and no, the main character Fenyx also speaks in an unknown accent too that could be older Greek or Roman due to the indistinguishability of it. Hell, even Typhon has an accent though his is kind of harder to hear because his dark voice (love it btw) doesn’t make a lot of room for syllable pronunciation but he does roll some letters.
Zeus and Prometheus tell your tale and you play during that tale meaning you hear them narrating you. Now there are a few moments where this may be annoying but overall it’s hilarious because they bicker like crazy and Prometheus actually gives good brief comments on certain items, places, and creatures you encounter which is, for the most part, accurate to the real myths. To top it all off in the meta sense, Prometheus is telling Zeus about EVERYTHING you do even if you can’t hear him narrating which becomes ten times funnier when you realize if you play like BOTW and do stupid shit instead of actual story or quests, injure yourself stupidly, or try to do things people will probably criticize you for as the dumbass you are or can be, technically Prometheus is recounting all of it to Zeus. Yes, your life story/gameplay is part of the tale and your tale is about you being an idiot for hours on end.
The story and overall gameplay is pretty good and it certainly makes things easier to obtain for health and stamina than BOTW. It also has cool collectibles and I mentioned in another post the scenery is GORGEOUS. Like everything in the foreground and background is detailed; you can really tell they made a very good effort with this game and it’s breathtakingly worth the money I bought it for.
Typhon is my favorite villain now aside from Metal Kor from Jak and Daxter series. He’s a ham, and I would fuck him. For real though, he’s a lot more active than I thought he was going to be.
Unlike most villains in games who you either hear of, see briefly, or encounter once than fight to the end of the game to even see them again, Typhon actually has a role in the gameplay frequently. He himself doesn’t appear a lot but randomly he will comment on your journey which will be indicated by the sky growing darker and his mountain of Tartaros glowing.
If you draw attention to yourself, he will create wraith zones which spawn enemies nearly everywhere and he will hurl lava rocks at you. Wraith zones move towards you if you leave the area meaning he seeks you out. If you get far enough away, he’ll stop his assault. But if you just move out of the zone and stay close for an item, he will move the zone towards you and his assault will try to kill you.
Typhon has a great design. I actually like this version of Typhon more than even his original mythology design. He also makes pretty good points in some of his commentary, thinks he’s perfect and apparently has accepted his ghastly appearance as a thing of beauty (Aphrodite eat your heart out), and he even lampshades he understands his own problems but unlike the other Gods, he was willing to work with his flaws to improve himself into perfection which I don’t think I’ve ever heard a villain do before to be honest.
The vaults of Tartaros are puzzle vaults but you would expect them to be fire and brimstone but they are actually floating structures in a spatial nebula and certain vaults have Typhon designed in the form of a nebula watching over you, his eyes glowing purple. It’s really cool. Turns out at the start of the vault, he will be prominent but as you make your way through them if you look at the nebula of him, his eyes will begin to fade in and out as if he’s losing power over the vault. Also a cool little detail.
The boss battles range from mythical, wraiths, and lieutenants. They are awesome.
Mythicals are four monsters of famous lore (i.e. Medusa) who are found one in each section of the four main lands surrounding the Gates of Tartaros. Make sure you have a lot of health and power because I took on Ozomene the Hurricane at low and it took almost an hour. Basically, if you do decide to fight at such a low level, find a place you can’t get hit by the boss and pick their moments of weakness (Ozomene turns crystal to rest) to hit them. This strategy will take longer to defeat them but it’s better than getting one hit K.O.’d which they can do really easily.
Wraiths are fallen heros (i.e. Achilles, who also was hard as shit/prancing motherfucker) who are located in each section. Wraith zones as mentioned are when Typhon sends more enemies. Well, wraith zones can be spawn points for clones of the Wraiths to come and fight you which are like secondary boss battles but they can spawn multiple times. In order to make wraith zones less frustrating, you need to go to a wraith vault and face off against the real version of the fallen hero. Once they are defeated, wraith zones should only spawn natural enemies making your journey so much easier.
Lieutenants are monsters and beasts of lore (i.e. the Nemean Lion Herakles/Hercules fought as one of the 12 Labors) that can be found throughout the island. Prometheus will give a brief insight of their lore in case you didn’t know why each beast is significant when you get close enough to them. They aren’t as powerful but they are a very great addition to the game.
You can really tell that the creators and game developers did all their research when making this game. So if you love Greek mythos, this is a game you really should check out. I should mention there are a few comments slash mythos that aren’t entirely accurate per say but considering what they entail and the fact the developers are trying to sell to a good portion of the 10+ audience as well, these little snafus of information are very forgivable and were probably changed because of the context. Others may just have been changed because in order to explain them, it would take so much dialogue from Prometheus and they didn’t want to annoy you with unnecessary back seat narration that didn’t move the story along which is also reasonable.
So yeah, check this game out. It’s really enjoyable and I’ve had no real complaints on my end about it which is saying something because I am really picky with video games. An absolute stickler for detail.
#immortals fenyx rising#the legend of zelda#breath of the wild#typhon#zeus#prometheus#greek gods#medusa
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do you have a directors commentary for redamcy? it’s my go to fic when i’ve had a rough day
i love redamancy :’) thank you for requesting this one. it was such a gift to go back through this one and
commentary in bold italics.
“Hey, Aaron?” You peered around the wall to the bedroom from your place on the master bath toilet. There wasn’t any urgency to your query, which would later make you both laugh until you couldn’t breathe.
Welcome to this installment of “Tali does the equivalent of voiceover commentary on her fics!” I had so much fun that I’m fulfilling requests on these whenever - all you gotta do is ask :)
They’ll be a little slow because I like to take my time and I’m also writing other things, but this is a nice break because I don’t need to have original thoughts! Only recycled ones!
Alright so we start off here and I wanted this first establishing moment to give us another little window into their lives - they’re so settled after seven years of marriage and eleven years together and I wanted to emphasize that as much as possible.
Aaron had a book in his lap and reading glasses resting on his perfect nose, as was usual for bedtime. He turned a page. “Hm?”
You know in marriage when you barely pay attention to each other? We’re there.
“When you get to a good stopping point, can you grab the go bag?”
“Yeah.” He got up on autopilot, setting his book down. When he got to the bedroom doorway, he froze and turned over his shoulder “Wait. Why?”
...And yet he’s so keyed into Mom it’s stupid.
“Oh, nothing extreme,” you said lightly. “My water just broke and I figured we might -“
Fourth baby, third birth. The nonchalance couldn’t be any more extreme and Mom really cracked me up here - I didn’t really realize how casual she’d be, but she surprised me.
(Also my father is a paramedic, and he delivered 27 (!!) babies in the back of ambulances, so I picked his brain for this whole process. I’m both proud of him and my close-to-accurate portrayal of childbirth in this fic)
Your name left his mouth in a laugh, and he trotted back to you, helping you up and kneeling to assist you with putting on your comfiest pair of pajama pants. You steadied yourself with a hand on his shoulder, stepping into one leg, then the other. Playfully, he snapped the stretchy waistband around you. He was still kneeling before you when he said, “You’re insane, you know that?”
You smiled down at him and scrubbed your fingers through his hair. He leaned into your touch like a cat and closed his eyes. “You are too, I’d like to point out.”
He just LOVES HER!!!! AHHH!!!
He sighed, kissing your belly and resting his cheek on it. “Never said l wasn’t.” He looked up at you. “Is it weird that I’m...a little sad? I’ve loved this part of our lives so much.”
This was my favorite little moment in this fic. My mom talked to me about this when I was on the phone with my dad going over the mechanics of childbirth (from an outsider’s point of view) while my mom offered her two cents about the internal processing and feeling of it all. She and my dad had a really similar moment after my little brother was born - they both knew they weren’t going to do this again, and it was kind of weird for them to acknowledge that.
With so many kids, Elliot being the fifth, it was central to me to acknowledge that Elliot would be their last baby, and that from that point forward, their kids were always just going to get bigger - they wouldn’t have anyone new to introduce to their family after him. It’s kind of bittersweet, in a way.
You shook your head. “Me too, my love. And no, it isn’t weird.” You sighed, and held his hands as he stood up and kissed your forehead. “We should probably tell Jack it's go time so he can help the little ones when they get up.”
Aaron paused for a moment, thinking. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Isaac isn’t going to clearly remember last time, so he’ll probably be nervous, and this is totally new to the girls.” You reached up and he planted a kiss on your lips. You smiled, pleased.
I remember being super nervous when my brother was born because I had no idea what was going on, and frankly I’m just as neurotic as Isaac and was about the same age. Thus, it went in!
A little contraction wave hit, and one side of your face screwed up in discomfort.
Aaron kissed your cheek and said, “I’ll get the rest of the toiletries together.”
You nodded, and padded down the hallway, your socked feet swishing a little against the hardwood floors. You knocked twice on Jack’s door, quietly, and waited for his groggy, “Yeah?”
With access granted, you opened the door with a little smile, and Jack sat straight up. Privacy is important! Parents shouldn’t invade your shit!! AH! You crossed to his bed and sat down on the edge, opening your arm to him. Though he was almost seventeen, he scrambled out from under the covers and tucked in close to you.
I love a soft teenager.
“Your dad and I are headed to the hospital, and Aunt Jess and Em are on their way okay? If you need anything big, dad has his phone and -“
“Mom, we’ve done this before,” he said with a grin. “I know the drill.”
You pushed the hair off his forehead and kissed him. “I know it, but it makes me feel better. The little ones haven’t done this before, and they’ll probably be a little nervous. Please help your aunts so they aren’t driven to the drink by your sisters.”
He laughed a little, and surprised you as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you close to him. “Be safe, mom. I love you.”
Tears pricked at your eyes, and you held him tight. “I love you so much, Jack.”
Jack will always be her first son. I’m searching for a place where she can say, in front of Aaron when someone asks if she has kids, “Yes! I have two boys.” and of course Aaron just melts.
“Are you scared?”
You pressed a hand to the back of his head, and he burrowed into your neck. “Only a little. I know I’m older, which can make some things difficult, but I’ll always come home to you.”
He nodded. “Promise?”
“I promise as much as I can.”
Jack pulled away and swiped quickly at his eyes with the back of his hand.
Baby is so concerned about losing another mom I just -
“Hey,” your brow crinkled in lighthearted concern. “What’s gotcha?”
He shook his head. “It’s stupid”
Jack is such a fucking lovebug I adore him and would squish him within an inch of his life if he was a real person.
“I can guarantee you it’s not.” While still a bit of a boy, Jack looked very much a man in the dark, lit only by the light of the hallway as the wheels turned in his head. You picked up one of his hands, and he put your linked fingers over your belly.
“I just - I don’t - Ugh. It’s morbid - Nevermind.”
You huffed a laugh. “Baby, remember that one third of this house hunts serial killers for a living. Nothing is morbid.”
A smile quirked at his lips, but it didn’t really reach his eyes. “Just be okay? Please?”
You sobered and nodded, pressing a hand to his cheek. “Jack, do you think I would ever put you or your father into a position that could result in leaving either one of your?”
He shook his head. “But things happen.”
If that ain’t the Hotchner family motto “Things Happen” or, for less mixed audiences, “Shit Happens and People Die.”
“They sure do. Your dad will be with me the whole time and he can send you hourly updates if you want. I promise promise promise you’ll be in the loop, baby. I know you like to know.”
Your son’s eyes flickered to the doorway, where a shadow appeared. It was Aaron, his backpack on and your go bag in his hand.
“Ready?”
The Three Musketeers :’)
You nodded, stood (not without effort), and pressed another kiss to Jack’s head. “I love you bud. I’ll see you when our plus one arrives.”
The plan was easy: Emily and Jessica came over for the kids, and Dave and Spencer would relieve them after 12 hours. Derek, Savannah, JJ, and Will would only be called when the baby arrived, to save them the angst of prematurely wrangling the four children between them.
The hospital was only eighteen minutes away, but with the way Aaron drove it was more like ten. Time was fairly important - with your body accustomed to delivering babies, having done it twice before, there was a very big chance active labor would only take a few hours.
Emily and Jess pulled up to the house at the same time, both in their pajamas with their overnight bags.
I love the aunties.
“Ready?” Jess asked, kissing your cheek.
You laughed. “Don’t have much of a choice now, do I?”
Emily set her things down and wordlessly hugged you. You wrapped your arms around her as best you could.
“Walk me out?” You asked.
I’m so excited for Reader and Emily to get closer after Derek leaves the team. I think that’s the next logical close relationship that forms from the original team.
I need to add more with Matt and Luke, and I promise I will one day!
She slung and arm around your shoulders and you walked back out the front door. She situated you in the passenger seat, and you offered her a small smile.
“You know,” she started with a bit of a laugh, “every single time I’m just as nervous as I was when Henry was born.”
I LOVE Emily’s concern for those around her, and it’s such an undervalued trait in her that I wanted her and Mom to have a little moment together - just the gals.
It was also important for me to remind everyone that Mom and Emily joined the team around the same time - 2007ish. The post-Elle era gave us The Girls™ and I think there’s such a special bond between people who join any workplace/team/family at the same time.
You reached for her hand, and kissed the back of it. “Me too.”
Everything went according to plan after that. You sat in the car with your stopwatch while Aaron packed the car, checking the car seat base and putting everything that needed to go up with you in the trunk. Jess and Emily were getting set up on the couches in the living room, ready to settle in for the night.
You were uncomfortable, sure, but it wasn’t unbearable yet. This was the tedious part.
Miraculously, none of the little ones woke up in the commotion. The magic of white noise machines was never to be underestimated.
“Time?” He called from where he leaned into the back of the car. He was handling the last details, in full field operations mode.
You turned around. “5 minutes, 15 seconds.”
The idea that they’re so used to delivering babies that there’s a whole system just made my heart explode. And if you think Aaron doesn’t go right into brisk, efficient, and I Am Ready™ mode, you’re JOKING.
“Alright,” he looked up at you and grinned widely. “Let’s go, baby.”
He’s so happy :)
+++
Your doctor breezed in and checked your charts and your dialation. “It’s go, time, here I think, Momma.”
You sighed and readjusted. “Do I have to lay down?” Comfortable as you were, epidural all finished, you still felt a little restless. The alternative was worse - you’d delivered Isaac without any pain management, and thought it was the end of days. You didn’t make that mistake again.
Don’t worry - we’ll get Isaac’s birth! That’s much more dramatic. Not only is he the first, but Mom got to the hospital too late for an epidural (we love working in the field until the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT and then IGNORING LABOR PAINS. Mom went to the baby delivery school of Jennifer Jareau)
“Not necessarily, but if you’re going to shuffle around I would suggest a squat for the sake of your blood pressure.”
Another contraction hit, and it knocked the wind out of you. You squeezed Aaron’s hand so hard you feared you’d break it, and informed him for the third time that morning that you’d hated his guts.
“I know, honey. I’m sorry. I know. I’m the worst. Just breathe, okay?” He pressed his forehead to your temple, giving you something to focus on.
You might have told him to fuck off, but you weren’t sure. The wave crested and then fell, and you slumped back against the pillows. “Okay, maybe I do want to lie down.”
My dad has so many stories of how tough my mom tried to be while having me, but I was 20 hours of labor and she gave up about three hours in. The insistence that she couldn’t stand him and wasn’t letting him anywhere near her ever again? That lasted the whole 20 hours.
Everyone stifled a chuckle, but you didn't have it in you to be prideful. While you still had a few seconds, you figured you’d double check the plan. “Hey Brienne, we’re still good to tie today, right?”
“Yes, ma’am!” Your OB said, way too chipper for the small morning hour. She spoke quickly, knowing she had to finish her thought before your next contraction. “Soon as we’re all done, we’ll do a really quick procedure and everything will be squared away. If, for some reason we have to do an emergency cesarean, we can do it right then as well.”
Brienne had delivered both Isaac and the twins - she was a great obstetrician and never pulled punches when the news was difficult or stressful. Her straightforward nature immediately endeared her to your whole family.
Yes her name is Brienne after Brienne of Tarth. Nope. I’m not original even a little bit!
It was too much to think about, seeing as another contraction was sneaking up on you. It felt like only seconds since the last one. You were so tired.
Brienne gestured to Aaron. They had a bit of a language developed over the last two deliveries, and he pressed a kiss to your temple. “You gotta push, babe.”
“God, Fuck. I hate you, Aaron. Goddamn you. I’m never letting you near me ever again. Fuck.” A stream of expletives continued to leave you when they could as you pushed and pushed and pushed.
This was so funny to me and honestly Aaron is the best. Mom knows it. We know it. He’ll live.
He only held your hand and reminded you to breathe and push. He also told you how much he loved you in between agreeing with your damning assessments.
If he was honest, he always thought your ire during childbirth was hilarious. It was kind of his fault, and he couldn’t fathom the physical trauma of childbirth, so he figured this was a fair role to fill while you did the hard work.
See? He’s fine.
On a small trough in your final set of contractions, you caught your breath enough to ask for his other hand. This was the hardest part, and it always made you a little nervous. “Aaron, come here. Please.” He draped his arm around your shoulders, and you grabbed his hand where it hung by your collarbone.
“You’re almost there, darlin’! We’re gonna be crowning here in a second.” You couldn’t see Brienne, totally locked into her task, but her update was a relief.
You leaned heavily into Aaron and he rested his cheek against yours. While this was a shorter labor than both Isaac and the girls’, you were exhausted. Bone-deep tired and hot and cold all at once.
This was another little cinematic moment for me. Just the two of them taking a tiny breather together, being close together, being spouses, being parents. And again, the understanding that this will be the last time they do this together.
“You’re doing so well. You’re a superhero. I love you so much.” He whispered his words against you, and you wailed as another contraction hit. Your choice of a walking epidural didn’t knock the pain out entirely and it still totally sucked. But again, better than the alternative.
“We’ve got a little Hotchner head! Keep going!” Brienne patted your knee and grinned at you, and you followed instructions. “Do you want to catch, Dad?”
Before he could answer, you said, “If you move, I’ll kill you,” through your teeth. I laughed. Aaron shrugged and looked over your head at Brienne, who suppressed a smile.
There couldn’t be any blood left in Aaron’s upper extremities at this point. In the midst of actively disliking him and your presence in your life in that particular moment, you were so grateful for him you could cry.
The dichotomy between hatred and love in this little section is something that eats me alive whenever I think about it.
My mom once said to me, “There’s nobody I’d rather yell and actively despise at while bringing his kid into the world than your dad” and honestly? That’s love.
Well, you could cry for a great number of reasons, but that was definitely one of them.
A few minutes and a pretty bad time later, a strong cry filled the room and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Aaron released you as you unbuttoned your gown to expose your chest.
THE BIG MOMENT!!
“Your time to shine, Aaron.” Brienne held up the umbilical cord clamp and snapped it together twice. (Yes, like a dad at a barbecue with a pair of tongs) With a smile, he stood and rounded the bed.
You tried to peer over to see, but you were only able to see Aaron and Brienne.
A smile ate up his whole face. “Hi!” His voice pitched up, and you started to cry. You just loved him so much your chest could just burst. Did I cry writing this? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. Aaron was always the first person to greet your children as they came into the world, and he never failed to deliver a warm welcome. “Right here, right?” He looked to Brienne, and she nodded. He cut the cord, and the nurse crossed the room for measurements.
Aaron returned to you and removed his own shirt, ready to take the little one while you finished delivery. After his crew neck was thrown to the side, he gathered you up in his arms again. There was nothing you could do but melt into him. His skin was warm and he smelled good, whereas your skin felt clammy and you probably smelled like a horse’s ass.
Can confirm. Mom smelled like a horse’s ass.
Brienne’s voice came to you faintly from the other side of the room, iterating the specs of the newest addition. “Baby Boy Hotchner, 5:37am, August 13th, 8 pounds, 14 ounces, 21 inches.”
Coming up with these metrics was really fun - it was all purposeful for both the zodiac signs, and for his size as a rather large kiddo.
Elliot shares a birthday with my best friend Phil, and I told him so. He cried. Then I cried. I didn’t expect him to be as touched as he was and it was so sweet.
Okay I wasn't crazy. He’s actually huge.
Aaron scooted even closer as you leaned away to get a better look. Brienne set the still-squalling infant on your chest with gentle, warm hands. Your eyes were blurred with tears. Aaron wasn’t any better off, keeping one hand on you and another on your son, his own tears tracking quietly down his cheeks.
Aaron is soft for his kids! Aaron is soft for his kids! Aaron is soft for his kids!
Your son.
Brienne sighed and said, “Alright, last bit here and then you’re done.”
You nodded and Aaron took him off your chest, leaning back with one hand under him and one hand over him. Fluid and other questionable grossness be damned, he ducked his head and pressed his cheek to his son’s head, an ineffable joy radiating through his body. Aaron’s hands almost completely covered him - with his little knees tucked to his chest, he looked like an angry little loaf of bread.
AARON IS SO BIG AND ELLIOT IS SO SMALL!!!!! Like imagine this - Aaron is so big that his hands almost cover Elliot entirely. I can’t. Oh my God.
The afterbirth was the easy part, but then it was before, too. All the Hotchner kids were massive - even the girls were bigger for twins. You always made fun of Aaron for “ripping me to shreds, and not in a fun way” (“Hey!” “Okay, fine. Maybe a little in a fun way. Sometimes.”).
There was a little more pressure, and you looked down at Brienne’s outline behind that infernal green medical paper shit. “How’s it going down there?”
“I’m getting these suckers tied off so we don’t have any more happy accidents. Don’t mind me.”
This was the most fascinating part to talk about with my dad - he talked for so long about the process (now done by laparoscopic incision) of tying/clamping tubes immediately following childbirth. Basically, they look like those little flat, wired bread ties and they just go around the fallopian tubes and pinch them shut!
Aaron stifled a laugh and you rolled your eyes, still weepy. The nurse passed him a warm, wet washcloth, and he started gently wiping the ick from his son’s skin.
Brienne finished up and helped you get adjusted with ice packs and that excellent postpartum underwear. When she was satisfied, she removed her gloves, and pressed a hand to your bare shoulder. “Beautiful work, momma. He’s perfect.”
Every baby is perfect and every baby is simultaneously very ugly. Yes, it’s true don’t deny it newborns look WEIRD
You put a shaky hand over hers. “Thanks.” A little watery laugh left you. Ouch. “I’ll miss you.”
And it was true. Brienne had been a semi-permanent fixture in your life for close to six years, and had become a friend. You wouldn’t have any reason to see her again.
Looking back, this was a little silly. Mom would still see her annually for her gyn checkups, but it wouldn’t the same. I think that’s what I was trying to get at here.
She squeezed your shoulder twice. “You ever need anything, you know who to call. Let someone know when you’re ready to put his name down, and they’ll finish off the birth certificate.”
With that, she shepherded the nurse out the door, and you were alone with Aaron.
“So,” you said.
He smiled, his eyes still trained on the little body who had quickly quieted and was snoozing on his chest. “So?”
“Gimme that.”
This moment made me laugh. I say this all the time, and my mom said this to my sister after she had my niece. My mom also cut the cord for my niece because my brother-in-law got a squicked out about it lmao
His laugh was warm, and he placed little one on your chest again. You prodded him awake, feeling only a touch bad about it, and offered him a snack. He latched right away, and you tipped your head back in sheer relief.
“Thank God.”
Aaron nodded in agreement. “That’s one less thing to worry about.” He shook his head, as if shaking something off - no doubt remembering the meltdowns night after night trying to nurse Isaac.
The ANGST that can come with breastfeeding...ridiculous.
Little one was still naked to the world, so you pointed at the little blue blanket folded across the room. “Can you grab that for me?”
Aaron just looked at you for a second, as if seeing you for the first time. Did I cry writing that line? Yes. “Of course.” He crossed the room and threw the blanket over his shoulder and grabbed a diaper. While little one was distracted, he deftly maneuvered the diaper into place and draped the blanket over him to keep the chill off while maintaining skin-to-skin.
More moments of “This is totally normal” that I can’t get enough of. They understand each other so so well, and they are completely tuned in to each other.
You pulled the blanket back a little so you could see his squishy little face. “Can you call Jack?”
“Do we want to call him now? It’s pretty early.” Aaron leaned over to his backpack and pulled his phone out, finding a couple requests for updates from Jess. First things first, he turned the camera on you, and you gave him a thumbs up. You detached the little one from your nipple for a second, framing his face with the blanket. Aaron got a good photo of a yawn and fired both pictures off to the BAU group chat before checking Jess’s messages.
4:12am How we doin?
4:18am Jack’s up with me. He can’t sleep. Em is dead to the world - she gave up about an hour ago. Give us an update when you can.
6:02am He’s adorable!!! He’s got your nose though, which is unfortunate.
6:02am Kidding. Maybe.
That made Aaron laugh a little, and he looked at you. “He’s up with Jess.”
You nodded. “Go ahead and call him. He’ll worry, honey.”
He nodded, and dialed the second number on his speed dial. Jack picked up on the first ring. “Dad?”
Again, I’m a sucker for teenagers who love their parents.
“Hey, bud.” Aaron couldn't hide the smile in his voice. “Your brother is here and your mom wants to talk to you.”
“Can I come see you?” Jack’s voice wavered a little, and Aaron knew it was relief he heard, rather than anxiety. Much like his son, he was more than a little concerned for your safety. Now that it was over, he could finally relax. That alone was enough to make anyone emotional.
CATHARSIS, BOYS!
Aaron checked his watch. “Are you too tired to drive?”
“No, no. I’m good. I slept a little after you guys left.” He was quiet for a second. “Can you hand me to mom?”
“Sure, bud.” Aaron nodded at you and you smiled. He started to pass the phone over to you then -
“Oh, dad?” Jack’s voice was only a little urgent.
Aaron pulled the phone back to his ear. “Yeah?”
“I love you.”
Did I cry throughout this WHOLE section? Absolutely.
“I love you too, bud. I want to talk to Aunt Jess when you’re done with mom, so don’t hang up, okay?” With that, he handed you the phone and fresh tears rolled down your cheeks. You knew this part came in waves - the emotions. Your hormones were in shambles, and you forgot how intense it was every time.
“Hey, Jack.”
“Are you okay how did it go what happened?” All the questions came out in a rush.
You chuckled. Ouch. “Slow down there, kiddo. We’re just fine. It went really smoothly, but the last part happened kind of all at once and I denied your father personal freedom and geographic agency, so we didn’t get a chance to update you.”
He laughed, and it warmed you. “It’s okay. I’m really excited to meet him.” There was a shuffle, and you assumed it was his keys.
Baby boy was done eating, just nosing around your chest at this point. You shifted, and Hotch caught the phone and held it to your ear so you could use two hands, They are so in-tune I just - bringing little one’s head right under your collarbone, tucking him up again. “He’s excited to meet you, too.”
After Aaron had a chance to debrief and game-plan with Jess (“If you bring the little ones over here before 10am, nobody will have any fun.”), Jack was on his way.
In the meantime, Aaron set his phone on the side table and sat on the edge of your bed. “Are we sticking to the name we picked? Does it feel right?”
Fun Fact: When I was born my parents had another name for me and when I popped out they were like “Nope. Absolutely not. That’s not the right name at all.” so it's a very real consideration!
You nodded. “I think so. What do you think?”
You did your best to inch yourself over - Ouch - so Aaron could have a little more space. He stretched out on the bed next to you, on his side with his arm folded under his head. A very large hand covered yours, pulling the blanket down to little one’s chin.
“He looks like you,” he said.
You snorted. Ouch. “Don’t lie. All your damn kids look like you.”
I AM SOFT FOR FAMILY RESEMBLANCE!!!!
“Alright, fine.” He relented with a wide smile. “He looks like me.” He was quiet for a moment, tracing the apple of little one’s cheek with his finger. His smile morphed into something soft, pensive. It was the look he always had when he was in awe of his children. “What do you think, little man? Is your name Elliot David? How’s that sitting with you?”
The Elliot David in question just made contented little staccato sounds from his chest, his brown eyes looking here and there, surprisingly alert. He let out a little cough, and both you and Aaron went, “Oh!” simultaneously in that drawn-out way parents do when their kids surprise themselves.
I love parent noises.
You looked at him, and you stifled a laugh just for the sake of your exhausted muscles. Aaron’s smile soon turned shaky, and tears fell onto his elbow where it rested under his head. He took a big breath, and it caught on the way out.
“Oh, honey. Come here.”
I love that Aaron has grown so comfortable with being taken care of (hi tali, that was shit english!!) as he settles further into his family. By this point, he’s so secure in it and he lets mom care for him whenever she wants to and whenever he needs it.
That’s growth.
You adjusted again, bringing the head of the bed down with the little remote. As you reclined, you only needed one hand to keep Elliot secure. You raised your other arm, and Aaron scooted under it, resting his head in the crook of your chest and shoulder. He snapped some buttons shut on your gown in the absent-minded interest of keeping Jack relatively unscarred.
Aaron’s bare arm was warm under your fingers. You traced little patterns into his skin as he stared at the back of his son’s head. Aaron’s finger was caught in Elliot’s impossibly small hand, secured in that death grip only babies seem to have. He couldn't care less that he was nearly twenty-four hours without sleep, missing a shirt, and really hungry. The only things that mattered in that moment were right there in front of him.
There was no need to speak.
A nurse stopped by and dropped off the bedside cradle, speaking quietly. “You can put him in here when you’re ready to get some rest.”
You looked up and thanked him. “Oh, and we’d like to finish the birth certificate in a few hours. Will that be alright?”
He nodded. “Just fine.” He checked your charts and left a few moments later.
Soon after, the door slipped open, and Jack’s head popped in. “Hi!” He stage-whispered. “Lemme see him.”
Aaron was stuck where he was, still locked in by Elliot’s grip, so Jack came in on your other side, pulling up a chair as close as he could get it.
There was a sense of finality to this meeting. Elliot would be your last child, and this would be the last time the Three Musketeers sat together, meeting the newest member of their family.
“Oh man, Mom. He’s so cute.” Jack cooed and ducked so he was eye-level with his baby brother. He traced a finger along Elliot’s tiny, straight nose. When he rested his head on your upper arm, you kissed his head. All three of you sat there until the sun rose, watching Elliot fall asleep. Aaron followed suit eventually, his breath fanning slow and even across your chest.
+++
The three of you were relatively well rested by the time your family came to bombard you. Elliot had woken twice - once to be fed and the other to be changed. Jack retreated to the recliner after a certain point, and Aaron threw on a sweatshirt and curled up next to you for the duration. They were out cold, while you rested somewhere between sleep and wakefulness.
One of the nurses on rotation popped her head in. You waved at her with the tips of your fingers.
“Your family is here to see you.”
That woke you up. You made an ‘eek’ face. “All of them?”
I laughed.
She nodded. “Three at a time?”
“Please.” You reached over and picked up a neatly-swaddled Elliot and tucked him into your elbow. You checked the corner, where Jack was still sleeping. You were sure a train could drive through the room and he’d still be out. That kid had sleeping superpowers - being sixteen only helped.
Jess was first, holding the girls’ hands while Isaac trailed a little behind.
The idea of Jess loving the littles like she loves Jack is like....everything to me. The Brooks-Hotchners are so so special and I’m so excited to dive further into their lives - especially the relationship that exists between mom and Jess.
You put a finger to your lips and pointed to Elliot. “He’s sleeping, so you have to be really quiet, okay?”
Caroline clambered up on the bed with a few reminders to “be gentle with Mom and don’t lean on her too much,” and peered over you. “Is Daddy sleeping?”
You looked to your right, and sure enough, Aaron was out like a light again, performance evaluations on his chest, his hand relaxed around his pen. “Yeah, baby. Daddy’s sleeping because he was awake for a really long time helping me with Elliot.”
Newly reminded of the main event, Caro planted herself by your knee while Sophia sat by your hip, taking the good real estate. You looked over at Jess and winked. She slipped out, closing the door softly behind her.
This was another one of those Renaissance painting moments where I could completely see this image of everyone crowded around Mom and baby.
You scooted over so you were flush with Aaron’s side. “Come on up here, bubba.”
Isaac gave you a little smile and perched at your side. “He’s so small.”
Isaac’s observations are such a key part of his personality and I can’t wait to include more!!!
“Yep. And look at that,” you brushed your fingers down Elliot’s nose and tapped his cupid bow before doing the same to Isaac. “You have the same nose.”
Isaac smiled and raised a tentative hand. He hesitated right before he reached the dark brown peach fuzz that sat in unmanageable cowlicks on Elliot’s head.
“You can touch him, bub. Just be gentle.” Isaac’s hand smoothed over Elliot’s head with next-to-no pressure. “Do you remember when Sophia and Caroline were born?”
I love it when my little boy can really settle in and connect with his family. I’m soft.
Isaac nodded. “It was super cool.”
“It was super cool.” You kissed his forehead, and adjusted your hold on Elliot. “Sophia, love, can you hand me the pillow that’s by Daddy’s knee.”
She nodded and very carefully presented it to you. You showed her how to stuff it under your elbow so you could relax while supporting Elliot’s head. Caro was clearly enamored, her eyes never leaving Elliot’s face.
“Babies are really delicate,” you reminded a wiggling Sophia. “Their heads are too heavy for their little necks, so sometimes they need a little help.”
At the mention of ‘help,’ Aaron’s eyes snapped open. “What’s up?” You suppressed a laugh as he realized all of his kids were surrounding him like the children of the corn. He pressed a hand to his face, recovering. “Oh. Hi.” Caro beamed at him, and he beamed right back. He put his files down and patted his lap. “Come here, my little love. I’ve got a really good view over here.”
The lightning-in-a-bottle relationship that Caro and Aaron have is one of my favorite parts of this universe. It reminds me of me and my mom and my roommate in her dad - we have such special relationships with those parents it can only be fate.
My mom always says about her brother that “God made us siblings so we wouldnt have to find each other” and every time i think too hard about it I cry. Those two are complete soulmates and I can’t imagine one without the other. Shoutout to Uncle Billy :’)
She very mindfully picked her way over your shins and into her father’s lap. He lifted her so she was up flush to his chest. His cheek pressed into her hair, and he showed her where to find Elliot’s little baby toes under the blanket.
“Are his feet very very small?” Caroline’s whispered question almost made Aaron cry again.
Caroline makes me cry on the regular.
“Yes. They are very very small. So are his hands. Here, look.” He reached over and peeled back a layer of blanket, exposing one of Elliot’s (very very) small hands, pressed flat against the fabric. Aaron wiggled his finger under it and presented it to the kids. “If you look really carefully, you all have the same hands.”
All at once, three pairs of hands appeared, flipping their palms up and down as each one individually assessed the similarities.
“And if you look even closer,” he said, flipping his palm down, but keeping Elliot’s hand aloft, “I have the same hands as all of you, too.”
FAMILY RESEMBLANCE!!!
Caroline looked up at him, awestruck and he nodded. She placed her hand on the back of Aaron’s and lo and behold they were the same shape, just significantly different sizes.
Satisfied, Sophia dropped her hands, leaning on them to get a closer, yet stable, look at Elliot’s fingers.
She gasped, but to her credit, kept her voice soft as she said, “Look at his tiny little nails!”
“Lemme see!” Aaron supported Caro as she thrust her body forward to get a better look.
Babies being fascinated by babies is simply the purest thing I’ve ever beheld.
Jack stirred in the corner, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. In full voice, he said, “Oh, hey guys.”
Three big shushes came from the kids, HA! and it took everything in you to keep your laugh locked away. You kept your eyes trained on Sophia (who looked downright offended at Jack’s volume) knowing if you looked at Aaron you’d be done for.
Jack made the same ‘eek’ face you made earlier. Okay the resemblance even though they aren’t related? I’m dead. Thanks. Oof. “Sorry, sorry.” He crept over, standing behind Sophia and putting his hands on her shoulders. She giggled quietly as he dropped close to her ear. “Cute, huh?”
She wrinkled her nose. “He looks a little funny.”
“He’ll start to look more like a person in a few weeks,” Aaron said with a smile. “You looked pretty funny the day you were born, maybe even funnier.”
Funny Dad!Aaron sends me straight into the stratosphere. You know after a couple of years he would have the dad jokes on LOCK
He winked at her, and she dissolved into a fit of giggles again, leaning back against Jack. As she did so, her brother wrapped her in his arms and rested his chin on her head.
Isaac was still running his hand over Elliot’s hair, gentle and repetitive. He, like Jack had done hours earlier, rested his head against your shoulder. You pressed your cheek to the crown of his head, soaking it in.
“I like him.”
A smile broke your face in half, and you peered around to look at Isaac’s face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. He’s cool.”
Your bottom lip disappeared into your mouth as you fought back your tears, still ready to flow without fair warning. You didn’t want to scare them. “I’m so glad you think so, bubba.”
Bubba :’)
Elliot had once again taken Aaron’s finger hostage, and it took more than a little negotiation to get him unwrapped and tucked back into his blanket. You have no idea how Elliot managed to sleep through all the commotion, but then again, he’d have to get used to it.
Here we have the first instance of Elliot being the chillest baby on the block.
Jess poked her head back in. “Ready for some lunch?”
Four heads whipped around and nodded vigorously. Aaron deposited Caro on the floor, while Isaac pressed a heart-wrenching kiss to Elliot’s head before gingerly getting his feet back under him. Jack just lifted Sophia and she hung off his hip, only a little too big.
He walked to you and kissed your cheek. “I love you, Mom.”
Mom and Jack :’)
You brought your hand up to his temple, the back of your fingers brushing his hair back. “I love you too, my Jack.”
One side of his mouth turned up in a smile, and he left the room with Sophia, leading the rest of the pack down the hallway.
A cut from this section:
Jess lingered, and you grinned at her.
“Come meet your nephew.”
She sat on the very edge of the bed, stroking a finger down his little cheek. “Oh, he’s perfect.” She reached for your hand, and held your fingers in her palm. “Was it super rough?”
You shook your head. “Only about five hours. No complications, and no stitches.” A weak laugh left you. “Turns out after a couple of them, things just stretch instead of tear. Who knew?”
Aaron snorted, and Jess covered her mouth with her hand to avoid laughing out loud. She squeezed your hand once, and leaned back. Aaron met her in the middle and she kissed his cheek. “Proud of you.”
“Couldn’t do it without you.”
“Seriously,” you supplied.
“Who do you want me to get?” She stood and walked to the door, leaning on the narrow edge as you decided.
You looked at Aaron, coming to the same conclusion. “Dave,” you said, simultaneously.
+++
It was safe to say Dave immediately coveted his namesake. You’d plopped Elliot into his arms right away, and said, “This is Elliot David Hotchner. He’s been very excited to meet you.”
He full-on cried, letting the tears just fall onto his shirt as he bounced Elliot all around the room, talking to him about all the ways he’d spoil him rotten.
It was easy to name him after Rossi. When you finally came down to a couple of first names, it was a no-brainer to pair them up with David. He was your family, like they all were, but you were acutely aware that Elliot would have the smallest amount of time with Dave, no matter how much time that would be.
This was such an important piece for me to include. BEcause the time is limited, it makes it all the more special. I think about this iwth Aaron too, because while 54 isn’t old, it’s certainly higher than the average age for parents of a new baby.
I touched a little on this in Rings, but the idea that Aaron is 74 in 2042 really knocked me out. It’s so important for both Dave and Aaron to soak up the time they have with their children (and grandchildren and nephews and nieces and niblings) because they simply have no idea how much time they have with them.
When Dave was ready to reluctantly give him up, he passed him back to Aaron. Dave crossed to you while Aaron offered Elliot a knuckle to mouth around on.
Aaron being an auto-pilot dad makes me soft.
Dave kissed your cheeks and embraced you. He leaned back, keeping his hands on your face. You covered his hands with your own and closed your eyes. You were taking a lot of mental pictures today.
He pressed a kiss to your forehead, and you were sure you saw Aaron’s one-handed camera work out of the corner of your eye. “Thank you, bellissima.”
“You’ve more than earned it,” you reminded him.
“Dealing with you two for fifteen years? You’re damn right I have.”
Here’s something that was cut!! I ran out of steam on this section, and it just seemed perfect to end it with Dave, so I left it right where it was. If I hadn’t though - this is the raw part of what comes next:
Elliot exchanged hands throughout the late morning and early afternoon, pausing every once and a while for a change or a feeding.
Emily immediately fell in love with him, sitting with you as he nursed and running her knuckle back and forth over his tiny bicep. When he was more than finished eating, Emily took him on her chest.
You helped her drape a burp cloth over her shoulder, and she expertly shifted Elliot to her shoulder and started bopping around with him.
Aaron slipped back into the room with a tray of food for the both of you. “Hey, Prentiss, I didn’t realize you were still here.”
She snorted. “Of course I am, are you kidding? You guys need a break and I get to have this.” Her thumb rubbed back and forth at the base of Elliot’s skull as her hand supported his head.
You smiled at her, and you and Aaron dug into your food.
+++
JJ arrived a little while later, with Spencer. She left the kids at home, because “...you’ve had a very long day and that would only make it longer.”
Luckily, you’d just
Spencer held Elliot, playing with his little hands. JJ made Aaron sit down, and helped you arrange your pillows so you could get some sleep.
tagging: @ssaic-jareau @qvid-pro-qvo @joanofarkansass @forgottenword @hurricanejjareau
#a joyful future#ajf commentary#tali talks cm#tali provides commentary#tali answers stuff#anon reply
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Most of the time on here when I talk about racism it’s about the kind done by the creators of a given piece of media (author, writing team, marketing department, etc) but today I’m gonna talk about racism done by fans.
Specifically erasure and sidelining/downgrading characters of color in ensembles. The three examples I have are from the sort of tumblr-specific multi-fan reblog works. Gonna put this all behind a cut, with links & descriptions.
Example 1 [https://mzminola.tumblr.com/post/161130456813/sperari-foundloveinbudapest-obsessiforge]
The OP made a four-panel comic of Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes, and Steve Rogers sitting at a table to play D&D, with a caption stating they headcanon Guardians of the Galaxy as the Avenger’s D&D campaign that Bucky DM’s. Sam & Natasha are only visible in the final panel, but they are very clearly there, and no other Avengers are.
Other people reblogged this with their own match-ups of which Avenger is playing which Guardian, and this particular reblog someone has done Natasha=Gamora, Tony=Quill, Thor=Drax, Bruce=Groot.
Completely ignoring that the comic to kick this off features Sam Wilson, not those three other guys. When I first reblogged this, I tried to find commentators that included Sam, but it was a needle-in-a-haystack situation and I gave up.
Example 2 [https://mzminola.tumblr.com/post/186125797093/if-were-gonna-keep-rebooting-things-in-2019-then]
The OP suggest a Leverage reboot for 2019, lists a few ideas, and ends with “Sophie becomes president”. The first commentator points out that Sophie can’t, because she’s not an American citizen, and suggests Hardison instead, including the idea that with the voting machines un-hacked, Hardison wins in a truly fair election.
The third commentator says we can’t do that because of Hardison’s age, referencing a single episode where a character who is not Hardison himself says he’s 24. A fourth commentator suggests Parker or Maggie instead.
My objection here might seem a little nitpicky; if we rule out Sophie because of her nationality, why not Hardison due to his age? If we tweak canon to make Hardison old enough (since this is a reboot suggestion), or change what year the election is, why not tweak it to make Sophie American?
Well, that’s the thing: a lot of fandom racism of this type (erasure, sidelining) is easy to ‘justify’ or downplay in the particular instance, but is still part of an overall pattern. Much like how slash fandom still has a massive problem with sidelining women characters; sure a single fic might have decent reasons, but when it happens over and over and over again?
This Leverage thread had someone suggest the only black main character in the show become President of the United States in a fair election, and the response by some other fan was to immediately say that couldn’t happen because of one contestable trivia point.
Example 3 [https://mzminola.tumblr.com/post/189671198448/kaylapocalypse-lonepower-thrawn-thrawn]
OP suggests a Star Wars AU in which Rey is a hockey player and Finn is a figure skater. A+ concept, love it.
Then we get someone copying another reblogger’s tag of “Poe drives the zamboni” and someone else adds “poe “i just work here””.
And okay. Maintenance staff is fucking vital to everything, everywhere, but it’s still questionable to take a post about “what would these space action adventure characters do in an ice athletics AU” and assign the hotshot pilot a role that isn’t also athletics, you know? Its’s not like hockey and figure skating are the only ice athletics in the world, if you’re trying to give everyone a different niche.
~
So those are the examples I have on hand; first two are someone includes a character of color, other people ignore them or downgrade their role in favor of white characters. Third is someone playing with an AU (that gives a fun, positive role to a character of color, heck yeah figure skater Finn) and someone else brings up a character of color just to give them a less glamorous role than the originally mentioned characters.
So, what do we do with this?
Couple suggestions:
If you’re creating content with an ensemble, double check who you’re giving attention to, and if you notice yourself ignoring characters of color...include them! If you’re only including them with a bare nod, go back and include them more! If you’re giving them less interesting, glamorous, important, etc roles than the other characters, examine your own reasoning for a bit, to shake your assumptions up...and then go give them equally cool (or even cooler) stuff to do!
If you’re in a group participation setting like tumblr, don’t knock down what other people set up. Someone says “let’s have Character do Cool Thing!” and you know some canon factoids that get in the way of that...leave it be. Don’t jump in to say why it doesn’t work. I totally get the urge to correct people about canon, I really truly do, but this is not the moment to do it.
“What if I’m using the canon facts to suggest an alternative cool thing for the character to do?” Awesome, make a new post! So you know that “XYZ Canon Facts means Character cannot be Empress”? Maybe that’s worth including in your post, maybe it’s not, but either way making a new post of “Character could be Democratically Elected Prime Minister and Secret Princess!” is awesome! Now you’re contributing fun content without raining on anyone else’s parade, yay!
If you see someone else doing the “ignore or sideline” thing don’t reblog it with no comment. The examples I used in this post are all instances where I reblogged it and added my own commentary. Did I flat out go “hey you’re being racist”? No, I didn’t. I could have! I might in the future! What I did do:
I questioned where the hell Sam was and pointed out he was in the original comic, dismissed the age issue and re-asserted that Hardison should be president, and suggested an ice athletics role for Poe.
You know what I do even more often? I go back up the reblog chain. That’s one of the reasons why I have so few examples. It’s not always possible to go up the reblog chain; url changes, deletions, or the racism being embedded in the middle of a long reblog chain with unracist and cool stuff further down all mean that sometimes, I’m going to reblog a post that has these problems.
So I comment. I refuse to let the erasure and sidelining slide by.
Do you, hypothetical reader, have to do that?
I don’t know. I’m not you. But now you know about this pattern (if you didn’t before), and you know some responses to it, to make informed decisions.
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callout post for tris atelierwriting
there is no callout i love tris @atelierwriting and i hope she has a lovely day filled with academic success and joy- jk this is a callout. and it’s been a long time coming 😤😤😤, i can’t believe i’ve been mutuals w/ them for [insert amount of time sorry i won’t check] and never wrote this, but it’s here now.
intro: context for all of this + an introduction
when i first followed tris* it was under the impression that she was an actual writeblr. a pillar of the writeblr community, one of the original writeblrs, here since 2017. (and i still stand by that, but my definition of what a writeblr pillar is has definitely changed rip**) a writeblr that posted content, a regular to large amount of it, and engaged with their audience/followers about the things that they were writing.
first body paragraph of your english essay that’s due in 24 hours <3
a common phenomenon associated with tris atelierwriting is the fact that everyone around her, sincerely believes that she’s constantly posting writing and information, and feeding writeblr a steady stream of words that are wip related, to the point where she somehow get’s anon asks with no boundaries whatsoever asking whether she’s concerned about theft of her ideas or not.***
unfortunately everything that i thought i knew and believed turned out to be a lie.
on an unprofessional note: what the fuck anon tris has literally starved her audience to the point where they’ve tricked themselves into thinking that she has more than ten posts in her wip tag i swear to god there are literally ten posts what are you even on about-
anyways, tris if you’re reading this ily and i think you’ve got a great business strategy happening, the ‘starve ur followers of content to the point where they mentally rearrange facts and truth to believe that ur feeding them a lot of content’ is definitely working. more importantly i respect the grind 😤💪 but not enough to not call you out for it rip
tris atelierwriting voice: with the amount of things i have posted about my wip you could definitely write a fic for it
also tris atelierwriting: has literally ten posts in her wip tag****
second body paragraph of your english essay that’s due in 10 hours because you spent 14 hours procrastinating the first body paragraph 😤🔫
i spent several hours conducting an experiment to test my hypothesis. the pie graph shown below (all numbers rounded to 3s.f) shows my conclusions in an easy to understand way.
AIM: SOLVE THE REAL MYSTERY OF THE DROWNED GIRL
HYPOTHESIS: TRIS ATELIERWRITING MAINTAINS THE ILLUSION OF CONSTANTLY POSTING AND BEING A PLETHORA OF ORIGINAL WIP CONTENT BUT IT’S ALL ACTUALLY AN ILLUSION THEY CREATED TO HIDE THE FACT THAT THERE ARE LITERALLY TEN POSTS IN THE DROWNED GIRL’S TAG, AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS POST
RESULTS: THEY’RE LITERALLY SHOWN ABOVE.
EVIDENCE: DUE TO THE NATURE OF THE HYPOTHESIS THE EVIDENCE IS LIMITED BUT THAT JUST PROVES THE HYPOTHESIS RIGHT WE LIVE IN A CIRCULAR WORLD 😤😤😤😤 AND EVERYTHING JUST FEEDS BACK INTO ONE REPEATING LOOP 🌞🌞🌞🌞 NOTHING IS NEW AND EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER FELT HAS COME BEFORE AND WILL COME AGAIN LONG AFTER YOUR LEAVING 😳😳😳😳😳
COMMENTS: because of the deeply personal nature of this investigation not all of it can be shown 😔 tris atelierwriting has been a beloved mutual for literal(ly over a) year(s) and my findings were deeply unsetlling and shook me greatly emotional words emotional words aggressive mean commentary about the person i’m calling out manifesting the energy of tris’s cryptid posts.
CONCLUSION: i’m literally breaking down angles were not meant to be sighted with thine mortal eyes help me what’s a metaphor tris atelierwriting being an actual writeblr that posts content that’s what
*i’m pretty sure i followed them first as in i have no memory of anything i did before quarantine but my sources say so and my sources are tris atelierwriting herself so @ her not me
**at this point it’s just. u are a writeblr. u talk about all of your interests except for writing. you post about how you want to write. you think about writing. there has been no actual writeblr content in months 😤😳... tiding over ur hungry followers with a graphic every other week 😳😌
***plagarism is bad i will gut you like a fish if you plagarise someone else’s work / write an even longer callout than this for you 🔫🔫🔫🔫
****sources for the tris atelierwriting has only ten posts in her wip tag
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