thinky thoughts

i was driving home with a friend yesterday, a friend i've had almost 20 years now, who was my very first internet friend in the early aughts when feminist blogging was in its heyday and who has become an irl friend now that i've moved to the mainland. she has functioned as a big sister in my life all this time. i love her to pieces, and my life has significantly improved with her in it.

we were talking about how weird it is to think the age our children were when we met, and the ways their lives and our lives have changed over the course of our friendship. we both started out single mothers stuck in poverty, and had our respective journeys out of those circumstances during which we've been supportive to one another, helping each other out when we had the means to do so. we've veered in and out of connected interests. i'm a gamer, she's never been into games and more often than not has no idea what i'm talking about. i have no grasp of interior design or fashion, and she has a knack for these things. but we take interest enough to appreciate what these things mean to each other. we've had disagreements and even fights over the years, but at the end of it we found the relationship to be worth the work you put in to maintaining it.

i met my best friends over fifteen years ago through fandom. we formed a fast kinship out of what we joke to be our objectively correct fandom opinions, mostly about the same character from that fandom. over the course of time we've wandered out of overlapping fandoms, supporting one another in our interests even though we didn't share them. i've read some of their fic in those fandoms. i've reblogged art of characters i know nothing about. we find dumb ways to show our interest in their interest. we found the connections beneath the fandoms, the human bonds, and built something enduring and beautiful that i can honestly say i could not be the person i am today without. even when we eventually fell into the same fandom again, we wound up engaging with it in very different ways. but we support each other, gently rib one another over "being wrong" and realize that at the end of the day, those things are ephemeral. our friendship endures.

i met my spouse almost 20 years ago, about the same time i met my big sister. we met through a job, both having come from backgrounds of poverty. we both enjoyed gaming (he started me on my first mmo), but quickly discovered we like very different games, but even when we play the same games we engage with them in very different ways. we share almost no other interests. he likes action movies, i like dumb comedies. he listens to goth and rockabilly, and i'm a classic rock and pop princess. he's read about a third of one of three of my original novels, one of my published shorts stories (he helped me work out the science i used) and (thank fuck) none of my fanfiction. but he shares my work with others, listens to me natter on about games he doesn't play, and we even will watch movies together because we enjoy time together, and i like to bite him at random intervals to keep it real and go with him to look at parts for his bike.

my point (i actually have one) is that in order to build long-term relationships you have to find the connections beyond the fleeting. you remember that your big sis loves pink lipstick so you send her a trinket bowl shaped like pink lips, or that 'none pizza with left beef' makes your spouse lose it until they cry laughing. that one of your besties has a laugh that carries over even your own loud one making music of the two of you, and the other will chase canada gooses with abandon until you fall in the grass in delight. you smile when they talk about their favorite actual play podcast and squeal over their tattoo that is inspired by an anime you've never seen. you bring up old shit to drag them and never let them live down the goofs that made you all laugh until you cried. you send them dumb cards or plants when their life is hard and you can't be there to make them soup when they're sick. you do these things because you love them. you love them for all the bits and pieces that comprise their whole even when those things don't align with your own. you might find the initial connection in the shared interests, but you build bonds separate from those through the commonality of your humanity.

relationships, platonic, not, and familial, take work. you have to put in effort. you don't have to like the same things, but you do have to have room to allow those varied and separate interests to shine in who they are. you take delight in their joy and share comfort in their sorrow. you talk to them. you reach out to them. you show that they matter to you more than your differences. that's love. that's something that endures.

GUYS GUYS GUYS, you guys, who wants to share and discuss old obscure kids cartoon shows with me, huh huh huh??

Dino Babies. I am hyperfixated right now on old obscure cartoons and right now my brain is shouting "DINO BABIES. HEY YOU REMEMBER THAT SHOW. DO YOU LOT ALL REMEMBER """DINO BABIES?""" IF YOU DO NOT I HAD BETTER TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. BECAUSE WHATEVER ELSE HAVE YOU GOT TO DO?? PLAN FOR A WEDDING? PAY THE BILLS, FIND A NEW JOB?

PbffFt.

😃DINO BABIES!!!😃

While this was just another obvious Rugrats/Muppet Babies rip-off, for what it's worth, this show was HUGE to me and my baby sister. We played pretend more so as these guys than their better well known far more original predecessors yet even other kids during the 90s didn't much care about this show. It's too bad they lacked merch at least in the US cos if they had any I would have bought it all. I dunno why this mediocre cartoon was so big a deal but I guess we can chalk it up to us simply being into all things dinosaur across the board.

Overall the writing was neither amazing nor terrible, just average for a wholesome kids show, but the entire thing's appeal hinged around one tiny aspect:

This guy! ...LOOK at this guy! Such a cute lil bastard! He's PRECIOUS! ❤️He's gonna go cruelly concuss some little children with coconuts just for fun from high above, FOR NO REASON, yes he is, YETH HE IIIZ! 😘

This red eyed fiend was called Dak, who was the only antagonist ever on the show, and basically a male Angelica; constantly teasing and pulling tricks purely to get food he could already more easily reach and hoard, or just giggle over suffering. He played things like witches and vampires/ other villains in any retelling of fairy tales and I found him so cool cos pterosaurs were almost always among my favorite dinos, but they didn't quite as often show up. 99% of the time, at least in media up til this point, any evil/mischievous dino, even ones that were not feral just 'playground bullies' or 'rude neighbor' sort of guys, the species chosen for such was always a velociraptor or T-rex, usually portrayed as big, slovenly dumb and older brash teenagers or stupid adult stereotypes.

Sometimes you'd get fictional non-descript looking Bowsers or kaijus. Pterosaurs and pterodactyls meanwhile always got the shaft. You had that one segment of Fantasia, and Don Bluth's Petri, and that was it. Subconsciously even to this day it seems we still have relegated nearly ALL flying dinos to only cowardly sidekicks or filler roles, if not simply outright mindless mounts or 'birds' or five second 'sentient Flintstone-tool' gags. Which is crazy, because if we read up on them, these beasts were literal some of the top apex predators, *nightmare dragons* with private plane wingspan at their mightiest worst, the nastiest and shittiest of cassowary or Canada geese at the lowest end. Which is quite possibly lots worse for us humans to deal with if you dwell on it. Have you ever fucked around with angry swan or Canadian goose? Do NOT TRY.

Dak meanwhile, was not only a pterosaur, he wasn't even any bigger or older than the other babies on the show. He was cunning, mean and extremely agile and literally had the exact same personality and voice of a tamed Zorak from "Space Ghost Coast2Coast"...which is hilarious because nobody else in the show sounds like that. Can you imagine having a friend group like this, I mean in actual real life?...Everyone else has your typical 90's child voice, or at least voices attempting at sounding *kinda* like a child, and everyone else has fairly normal human names like Franklin and Marshall. ...All except this one weird guy who is only called DAK and is clearly AN ADULT and screeching like he was the unholy spawn between Mrs. Bighead and one of the Dark Crystal's Skeksis. You got for no reason this one crackhead or irl Invader Zim character hanging around and constantly harassing you and you can't make him go away so you begrudgingly accept him as your friend AND HE CAN FLY.

...Maybe it's just me? There's just something really kinda funny about having a bunch of normal kids standing around, and then there is THAT guy; the one guy who for no reason hangs out just to be a pest and has fucking bloodshot red eyes, and speaks like Gollum except he eats cigarette butts from the trash cans every day. I can't explain, I just... love it.

drops my lord fly headcanons on you all at once....... I'm 98% sure I forgot someone, so I'll just add to this list later. meanwhile, enjoy :)

ralph

- when he's angry or excited, his voice gradually speeds up until you can't even understand him anymore

- "wanna see me climb that tree really fast, do a flip off of it, swing from a branch, and land on the ground on my feet? okay then close your eyes."

- talks in his sleep. usually small mumbles, but when its intense, it could be full on yelling.

- adhd

- abandonment issues

- has a dark and self-deprecating sense of humor

- can be very sarcastic

- he's surrounded by idiots

-  pyromaniac

- doesn't like to cuss, but does so when he feels it is necessary

- sensitive nose and hearing

- not straight. denies it tho

jack

-  perfectionist. has very serious OCD

-  the rich kid

-  takes his problems out on other people, especially those who seem like a lower class

-  also has some family issues. both parents are high-class. his father has very bad anger issues

-  sarcastic, but only when in a bad mood

-  he is very protective of the choir tho and cares about them immensely

-  picky about food

-  cusses a lot, but not around his family

-  absolute beaut when it comes to singing

-  very loud when talking. you could probably hear him on the other end of the hall. "oh, boy, here comes Jack Merridew and his choir."

-  acts like he doesn't care. he probably does

-  looks like he could kill you. doesn't have the guts to

-  biromantic :)

simon

-  absolutely loves animals

-  also likes plants too

-  gets distracted very easily

-  loves to share

-  a very good listener

- his favorite season is the springtime. he loves the colors and the weather, and the bees that come out during that time.

-  has some family issues back at home

-  the smartest out of the choir boys

-  despite this, he says a lot of things that make no sense whatsoever and then never elaborates on it

-  "walking into choir practice and seeing the stupidity there is like waking up to pancakes and orange juice! :)"

-  best friends with roger, maurice, and robert

-  diagnosed with vasovagal syncope (in which there are periods where his heart rate or blood pressure will suddenly drop. the reason why he faints a lot. usually happens under overwhelming situations)

piggy

-  infodumper. usually infodumps about candy and the history and the choice of colors for the wrappers

-  sit down with piggy and he'll probably immediately spitball fun facts to you

-  gets embarrassed easily

-  a boy scout

-  mumbles a lot. talks to himself.

-  has serious anxiety. this typically triggers his asthma

-  smarter than everyone. like ralph, he, too, is surrounded by idiots

-  big sweet tooth.

- very clumsy

-  lost his father to the war. his mother left after that, afraid she wouldn't be able to take care of him.

-  tries to look aggressive. fails immediately.

-  short short short short s

roger

-  a bully, this one is

-  currently going through his emo phase

-  you'd think his parents would like morticia and gomez addams from the addams family, but they're actually really happy and bright people

-  also has two little sisters (they're twins)

-  he never talks about his family

-  collects rocks and crystals

-  the only living things he can tolerate are snails and simon.

-  quiet. only talks when he needs to talk

-  very interested in the history of dead people

-  looks up to Jack for his confidence. follows him around, usually

-  (in a strained voice) "Death makes worms of us all."

-  G notes everyone

-  joined the choir because his father encouraged it. actually ended up really enjoying it, and he can sing very well

samneric

-  very, very close to each other. they can definitely sense when one or the other is in pain or in danger

-  argues about who is older and who is taller

-  sam is definitely the smarter, gentler of the two, while eric is more on the rebellious side

-  they stick together as much as possible

-  made nametags on the island because I said so.

-  but they like to confuse people and switch their nametags sometimes

-  "wow, it's very nice to be in your shoes, sam. but I'm afraid we're going to have to switch our names back because I think ralph is going to throw himself off the mountain if we keep this up."

-  they both smile a lot. it can be kinda creepy sometimes.

-  definitely finish each other's sentences, but only when they can actually sense that it needs to be done.

-  sam is a dog person, eric is a cat person

-  sam has more anxiety than eric does, probably because eric is always putting himself in danger and sam doesn't know what he would do without Eric.

maurice

-  nonbinary (he/they/xe)

-  gnc af

-  neurodivergent

-  had long hair before the island, and got it cut before the plane ride. it got long again, tho.

-  usually follows roger and Jack around

-  talks really fast. usually hard to keep up with him, but he'll slow down once you ask him to.

-  super clingy

-  gets flustered when someone tries to hold his hand, tho

-  the class clown. but somedays he's also calmer and quiet

-  roger likes the calmer maurice better

-  sometimes joins roger in the bullying, but stops when it gets to be too much

-  very good at singing, but can sometimes have trouble staying in time

-  collects old postage stamps

-  has the personality of a puppy.

-  "brb guys! I have to go pee with excitement!"

-  "CHRIST MAURICE STOP SAYING THAT"

bill

-  also gnc. he's just so casual with his outfits that sometimes he'll wear skirts and dresses and things

-  more on the calm, collected side. but can be chaotic when in the mood :)

-  "blimey, robert! look at that goose over there!"

-  mimicks animal noises

-  cusses a lot. but does it so calmly and smoothly that it sounds natural

-  mama's boy

-  he and robert are usually seen sitting in the back, talking with each other.

-  claims he's been in the war. he hasn't.

-  percival's older brother

-  "its days like these when I just don't give a fuck."

-  blind in one eye

-  because he is blind in one eye, his perception of depth sucks.

-  he runs into doors and trees and walls a lot.

robert

-  has a very broad knowledge of plants

-  also very knowledgeable about ants, for some reason

-  mom friend

-  born in canada. moved to the UK at a very young age

-  bestest friends with bill and simon

-  gets queasy very easily

-  has some anxiety

-  self-conscious about his singing voice. that's why he never takes the solos

-  "I joined the choir because Bill joined the choir. I didn't think I would have to actually bloody sing in this godforsaken classroom."

-  encourages maurice's and roger's antics

-  likes his tea and coffee scorching hot

-  has a panic attack when they first landed on the island. bill and simon had to calm him down.

-  claims he has a disease that's contagious, which is how he gets away from social interaction

I just watched the Elf episode of The Holiday Movies That Made Us on Netflix after remembering that I started writing an Elf supercorp AU for Christmas in 2018 (don’t judge me) and found my old notes app first draft so Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! MAYBE I’ll finish it this year... (she said as a lying liar who lies.)

*The fic in which Kara’s pod crash landed at the North Pole, 13 years later her adopted elf mother Eliza and her elf sister Alex tell her about her cousin Kal now Clark Kent and she decides to go to Metropolis to meet the only other person like her. She meets Lena “naughty list” Luthor. And Clark and Lois are Jewish.

🔥🎄🎄🎄🧝‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Some elves are born to work in Santa’s workshop. Kara Zor-El, however, was not born an elf or even from this earth for that matter.

When her pod crash landed at the North Pole thirteen years ago, she had no memory of a lost planet, no recollection of a cousin she was sent to protect who had already grown up to become Superman, and no idea how to be an alien living with elves. Santa was perturbed as to what to do with a skittish teenaged alien who cringed at the sound of tiny hammers building toys.

The elf doctor, Eliza Danvers, having a daughter around Kara’s age, naturally stepped in to help raise her, teach her elf culture, and attempt to control her powers. There were several mishaps of course.

Kara’s eyes lit up the first time she saw a Christmas tree. Literally. The green pine was burned to a crisp with her heat vision. But she quickly uprooted another tree from outside the elf village and helped Alex redecorate the new tree. And spent several hours carefully placing the new lights and ornaments, after breaking several of the glowing strings of light and the ornate red and blue colored bulbs. When Alex had trouble reaching the top of the tree, Kara swooped her up under her arms to help her place the star on the tree. And she managed to only break one of Alex’s ribs in the process.

After years of being at the North Pole, Kara was actually a wonderful toy maker once she learned to control her strength. When other elves managed to meet their five hundred toy quotas, Kara would have five thousand toys completed. The workshop wouldn’t need any teddy bears for another century, but finding storage for all of the toys Kara built was becoming difficult.

So from there, Kara’s primary job became Elf Master of Letters. She spends several hours each day answering letters for Santa as Santa’s tight schedule and the millions of letters he received each year became too much for the old bearded man. And although she always needed a little proofreading as the different Earth languages were sometimes difficult and much different than her native alien tongue, she enjoyed writing and speaking to children all over the world, bringing them the joy of Christmas.

Alex read over the letter Kara had just finished typing. Her younger but much bigger sister looked to her with a twinkle in her eyes and waited patiently. When Kara saw the red ink marked all over Kara’s letter she cooed and gasped, “That red is so pretty Alex. I know Raymond in Denver will love it! He told me red was his favorite color. I wanted to tell him that’s Santa’s favorite color too! But I didn’t want to give all of the big man’s secrets away, you know?”

Alex sighed and rested her hand on her sister’s shoulder, “Kara, these are your typos. Look here.”

Alex pointed to the last line, “Beleiving isn’t singing. Singing is beleiving.”

“He asked if he could see what the North Pole looks like. I set him straight. Believing isn’t singing. Singing is believing. That was in that one Santa Claus movie you had me watch, which I know isn’t historically accurate or based on true events, but I still,”

“Kara, remember your English spellings. I before e except after c? And it’s seeing not singing.

“Except in some cases like neighbor and weigh. And I just thought! It’s a play on words because ‘the best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear!’”

Alex smiled at her then, “You’ll get the hang of it.“

“Yeah, okay so I can’t spell that great, but the writing was good right?” Kara looked hopeful.

Alex shoved her shoulder, “You know you have more Christmas spirit than any other elf. Now come on and fix these typos, so we can go drink hot chocolate with Mom.”

That night when Kara had gone to bed, belly full of twelve drumsticks, eleven pickled peppers, ten cups of hot chocolate, nine hams glazed, eight glasses of milk, seven strudel pastries, six white chocolate goose eggs, five onion rings, four carrot cakes, three French bagels, two turtle chocolates, and a chocolate pecan pie, she curled up on her elf sized bed. Eliza had knit a fourth blanket onto her elf quilt the previous month when her toes started peeking out at the bottom. Alex had tucked her in tonight, making certain she was snug as a bug in a rug in the tiny bed, wishing sweet dreams of sugarplums dancing in her head.

She was content, happy, home and tomorrow would be her thirteenth birthday at the North Pole. What more could her life possibly be, what could be more rewarding than being apart of the magic that brought Christmas to children all over the world? And still Kara thought of that world and all of the little lights that wrote those letters to Santa, the gleaming eyes of all who opened presents on Christmas morning, and she wondered if any of them were like her. If they could hear the faintest sounds of snow falling or reach up and touch the clouds. If they could roast chestnuts with their eyes or see through all those pretty presents wrapped neatly under the tree. If the people of this world could believe that Santa would come every year to bring them gifts, then she had to believe that somewhere out there, there was someone else who was just like her.

That night Kara dreamed of a beautiful red sunset and little baby boy named Kal. It all felt so real, seeing him jet across the sky in a similar pod to the one Kara had found in an abandoned workshop years ago, knowing it must have been how she found her home. She wrote a letter to Santa as soon as she woke up, asking him to find a home for Kal for Christmas.

_____

Kara had been in trouble a bit, always an accident, because really how was it her fault if Blitzen couldn’t keep up with her? He could have flown faster if he hadn’t eaten all of that maple syrup and maybe then he wouldn’t have been left behind! She carried him back the whole way anyway! After she found him three days later in the Swiss Alps.

But this time when she was called to Santa’s office and Eliza and Alex sat patiently waiting for the charges from the big boss, Kara didn’t know why she was here at all, or rather, now she was on the floor with wood debris around her rear because the little chair was a lot lower than she had anticipated. That was the tenth one this month.

Santa cleared his throat and rubbed his white bearded chin, “I read your letter, and I spoke to your mom and sister. I think they have something they’d like to tell you.”

Kara widened her eyes and looked to her mom, “Are we going to adopt Kal? Like you adopted me? Please say we can Eliza. I promise I’ll teach him myself how to control his powers, and I can build him a crib myself. I’ll even chop down the tree for the wood and we can,”

Eliza cupped Kara’s face and kissed her forehead, a tear prickling at the corner of her eye, “Do you remember Kal now sweetie? Do you remember Krypton?”

Kara blew out her breath in bewilderment, “Krypton? What’s that? Is that where I’m from? Is it in Canada? I’ve always felt I was probably a Canadian because I don’t get cold at the North Pole, and I make the best maple syrup every year during the elf Christmas party.”

Santa nodded, “Its true, you really do.”

Alex gasped, “you know you’re not an elf?”

Kara chewed at her fingernails, “Well I’m not, am I? I’m bigger than all of you and I can lift a Christmas tree over my head like it’s mistletoe and fly with reindeer and all sorts of stuff. I’ve known for awhile I’m not from here, but this is still my home. You two are still my family.”

Alex held back all her unshed tears, “But you have other family out there, and we can’t keep you from knowing about Kal anymore.”

So that day Kara cried when Santa showed her the picture of Kal, or Clark Kent as he was called on Earth, glasses askew and a beautiful woman on his arm. Clark without the glasses bearing what she was told was her family crest, the House of El, taking up the mantle of Earth’s greatest hero, Superman. She had crafted thousands of figurines of her only living blood relative, and yet she hadn’t the faintest idea that she had been sent to protect him for all of these years. He had grown up, not alone at least. He was raised in Kansas on a farm, and now he lived in Metropolis with his wife Lois Lane and their son Jonathan Kent.

“Does he even know I exist?”

_____

Kara changed into her best elf attire and her bright red boots that Eliza had made her for Christmas, letting her open one present before she left. Today was the day that she would fly to Metropolis and meet her cousin for the first time. She couldn’t wait, but the dread at leaving Alex and Eliza settled deep in the pit of her stomach. And all of the letters to Santa she still wanted to respond to sat neatly at her desk in her room.

She was leaving behind her entire life at the North Pole. She told herself she wasn’t losing her home, but it still felt like it. Santa’s workshop, Eliza and Alex, it was all she had ever known or could remember. Would it be the same when she came back? Would her room still smell like a gingerbread house and would her stocking still hang by their chimney with care? Would Kal come with her or would she split her time between Kal and Alex and Eliza like some children who get double presents when their parents divorce?

Alex knocked on her door and waltzed in, “Hey Kara, mom made you something to take to Kal. There’s a winter storm over Greenland, you should probably get going soon.”

Kara wiped the tears from her eyes and her sister rushed to hug her. She had to bend down a little and lift Alex off the ground, but no way was she leaving without giving her sister a proper hug.

“I’m going to miss you and mom so much, Alex. I’ve never been away from home for more than a few hours, how am I going to make it to Christmas without you both? Will you even still want me back?”

Alex nuzzled closer, “You better come back because I don’t want to imagine this place without you. Who’s going to lift the fridge so mom can sweep under it hmm? Who’s going to change all of the light bulbs in the workshop when they blow out? Who’s going to drink hot chocolate with me and watch Hallmark movies in July?”

Kara laughed, shaking her head and deposited Alex on the floor, “I thought you hated the Hallmark channel.”

Alex simply rolled her eyes, “But I love spending time with my sister, and I love you, you big sap. I swore I wasn’t going to cry.”

Feeling slightly better Kara shoves her sister’s shoulder, a little too hard and catches her before she falls, “I love you too, dork. Don’t open the present I got you until you get back, pinky swear?”

Alex locks pinkies with Kara and kisses her thumb, “I’ll miss you. Please be safe. No breaking the sound barrier, watch out for pigeons because there’s a lot in Metropolis or so I’ve read. And when you see Kal remember to call him Clark Kent.”

“Got it, and don’t eat anything I don’t buy myself or anything not given to me by Clark, Lois, or Jonathan because there’s a high chance it’s not candy.”

Kara hugged Eliza for thirty minutes after that, and then Alex for another ten minutes before waving goodbye to Santa and all of the elves at his workshop. Metropolis wasn’t so far for her to fly, and she’d be home in no time.

She coasted through the peppermint sparkled glaciers, touched the northern lights, sailed through the skies above the Arctic Ocean, grazed the top of the Daily Planet, and landed atop the small two bedroom apartment building on the rent controlled side of town. Inside the windows of the corner apartment on the top floor, Kara saw Kal with his family, lighting candles, looking happy and calm. She decided to wait until morning to meet Kal, Clark, alone.

She listened into the city around her, all of the heartbeats like a million tiny hammers beating together, all except one. Kara flew the city, pinpointing the sound, admiring all of the lights on all the trees in all of the buildings and all the shining multicolored bulbs lining the streets. And it was there, in the tallest tower of the tallest building, one light shone through the wall to wall window, a small desk lamp in the large office. At the desk a woman with jet black hair and skin as white and fair as snow sat, typing away at her computer, nibbling on the pen in her mouth. She strained her long elegant neck, and stretched her arms above her head before getting back to work.

Kara glanced below the balcony to the street corner, finding what she knew the young woman needed. She floated down to the alley and walked into a coffee shop, took some time figuring out how to pay for a cup of coffee with the paper and coin money that Santa had given her before she left. Smiled and thanked the cashier for helping her, put one of the bills in his tip jar (it was a hundred.) She quickly flew into the woman’s office, left the coffee on her desk, and flew out of sight, feeling a little like Santa herself in the moment.

The woman grabbed the coffee absentmindedly and sipped, not expecting it to be so hot Kara sees her fanning her mouth and frantically searching the room with her eyes. When she turns to peer out her balcony, Kara sees her face, hard jaw line, soft endearing green eyes. She smiles as the woman screams and locks her balcony door as the windows go pitch black.

chapter 5 paragraph xi

The school bus didn't actually go all the way out to the edge of Canyon Shadows, where Boris lived. It was a twenty minute walk to his house from the last stop, in blazing heat, through streets awash with sand. Though there were plenty of Foreclosure and “For Sale” signs on my street (at night, the sound of a car radio travelled for miles)—still, I was not aware quite how eerie Canyon Shadows got at its farthest reaches: a toy town, dwindling out at desert’s edge, under menacing skies. Most of the houses looked as if they had never been lived in. Others—unfinished—had raw-edged windows without glass in them; they were covered with scaffolding and grayed with blown sand, with piles of concrete and yellowing construction material out front. The boarded-up windows gave them a blind, battered, uneven look, as of faces beaten and bandaged. As we walked, the air of abandonment grew more and more disturbing, as if we were roaming some planet depopulated by radiation or disease. “They built this shit way too far out,” said Boris. “Now the desert is taking it back. And the banks.” He laughed. “Fuck Thoreau, eh?” “This whole town is like a big Fuck You to Thoreau.” “I’ll tell you who’s fucked. People who own these houses. Can’t even get water out to a lot of them. They all get taken back because people can’t pay— that’s why my dad rents our place so bloody cheap.” “Huh,” I said, after a slight, startled pause. It had not occurred to me to wonder how my father had been able to afford quite such a big house as ours. “My dad digs mines,” said Boris unexpectedly. “Sorry?” He raked the sweaty dark hair out of his face. “People hate us, everywhere we go. Because they promise the mine won’t harm the environment, and then the mine harms the environment. But here—” he shrugged in a fatalistic, Russianate way—“my God, this fucking sand pit, who cares?” “Huh,” I said, struck by the way our voices carried down the deserted street, “it’s really empty down here, isn’t it?” “Yes. A graveyard. Only one other family living here—those people, down there. Big truck out front, see? Illegal immigrants, I think.” “You and your dad are legal, right?” It was a problem at school: some of the kids weren’t; there were posters about it in the hallways. He made a pfft, ridiculous sound. “Of course. The mine takes care of it. Or somebody. But those people down there? Maybe twenty, thirty of them, all men, all living in one house. Drug dealers maybe.” “You think?” “Something very funny going on,” said Boris darkly. “That’s all I know.” Boris’s house—flanked by two vacant lots overflowing with garbage— was much like Dad and Xandra’s: wall-to-wall carpet, spanking-new appliances, same floor plan, not much furniture. But indoors, it was much too warm for comfort; the pool was dry, with a few inches of sand at the bottom, and there was no pretense of a yard, not even cactuses. All the surfaces—the appliances, the counters, the kitchen floor—were lightly filmed with grit. “Something to drink?” said Boris, opening the refrigerator to a gleaming rank of German beer bottles. “Oh, wow, thanks.”

“In New Guinea,” said Boris, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand, “when I lived there, yah? We had a bad flood. Snakes… very dangerous and scary… unexploded mine shells from Second World War floating up in the yard… many geese died. Anyway—” he said, cracking open a beer—“all our water went bad. Typhus. All we had was beer—Pepsi was all gone, Lucozade was all gone, iodine tablets gone, three whole weeks, my dad and me, even the Muslims, nothing to drink but beer! Lunch, breakfast, everything.” “That doesn’t sound so bad.” He made a face. “Had a headache the whole time. Local beer, in New Guinea—very bad tasting. This is the good stuff! There’s vodka in the freezer too.” I started to say yes, to impress him, but then I thought of the heat and the walk home and said, “No, thanks.” He clinked his bottle against mine. “I agree. Much too hot to drink it in the day. My dad drinks it so much the nerves are gone dead in his feet.” “Seriously?” “It’s called—” he screwed up his face, in an effort to get the words out —“peripheral neuropathy” (pronounced, by him, as “peripheral neuropathy”). “In Canada, in hospital, they had to teach him to walk again. He stood up—he fell on the floor—his nose is bleeding—hilarious.” “Sounds entertaining,” I said, thinking of the time I’d seen my own dad crawling on his hands and knees to get ice from the fridge. “Very. What does yours drink? Your dad?” “Scotch. When he drinks. Supposedly he’s quit now.” “Hah,” said Boris, as if he’d heard this one before. “My dad should switch —good Scotch is very cheap here. Say, want to see my room?” I was expecting something on the order of my own room, and I was surprised when he opened the door into a sort of ragtag tented space, reeking of stale Marlboros, books piled everywhere, old beer bottles and ashtrays and heaps of old towels and unwashed clothes spilling over on the carpet. The walls billowed with printed fabric—yellow, green, indigo, purple—and a red hammer-and-sickle flag hung over the batik-draped mattress. It was as if a Russian cosmonaut had crashed in the jungle and fashioned himself a shelter of his nation’s flag and whatever native sarongs and textiles he could find. “You did this?” I said. “I fold it up and put it in a suitcase,” said Boris, throwing himself down on the wildly-colored mattress. “Takes only ten minutes to put it up again. Do you want to watch S.O.S. Iceberg?” “Sure.” “Awesome movie. I’ve seen it six times. Like when she gets in her plane to rescue them on the ice?” But somehow we never got around to watching S.O.S. Iceberg that afternoon, maybe because we couldn’t stop talking long enough to go downstairs and turn on the television. Boris had had a more interesting life than any person of my own age I had ever met. It seemed that he had only infrequently attended school, and those of the very poorest sort; out in the desolate places where his dad worked, often there were no schools for him to go to. “There are tapes?” he said, swigging his beer with one eye on me. “And tests to take. Except you have to be in a place with Internet and sometimes like far up in Canada or Ukraine we don’t have that.” “So what do you do?” He shrugged. “Read a lot, I guess.” A teacher in Texas, he said, had pulled a syllabus off the Internet for him.

“They must have had a school in Alice Springs.” Boris laughed. “Sure they did,” he said, blowing a sweaty strand of hair out of his face. “But after my mum died, we lived in Northern Territory for a while—Arnhem Land—town called Karmeywallag? Town, so called. Miles in the middle of nowhere—trailers for the miners to live in and a petrol station with a bar in back, beer and whiskey and sandwiches. Anyway, wife of Mick that ran the bar, Judy her name was? All I did—” he took a messy slug of his beer—“all I did, every day, was watch soaps with Judy and stay behind the bar with her at night while my dad and his crew from the mine got thrashed. Couldn’t even get television during monsoon. Judy kept her tapes in the fridge so they wouldn’t get ruined.” “Ruined how?” “Mold growing in the wet. Mold on your shoes, on your books.” He shrugged. “Back then I didn’t talk so much as I do now, because I didn’t speak English so well. Very shy, sat alone, stayed always to myself. But Judy? She talked to me anyway, and was kind, even though I didn’t understand a lick of what she said. Every morning I would go to her, she would cook me my same nice fry. Rain rain rain. Sweeping, washing dishes, helping to clean the bar. Everywhere I followed like a baby goose. This is cup, this is broom, this is bar stool, this pencil. That was my school. Television—Duran Duran tapes and Boy George—everything in English. McLeod’s Daughters was her favorite programme. Always we watched together, and when I didn’t know something? She explained to me. And we talked about the sisters, and we cried when Claire died in the car wreck, and she said if she had a place like Drover’s? she would take me to live there and be happy together and we would have all women to work for us like the McLeods. She was very young and pretty. Curly blonde hair and blue stuff on her eyes. Her husband called her slut and horse’s arse but I thought she looked like Jodi on the show. All day long she talked to me and sang—taught me the words of all the jukebox songs. ‘Dark in the city, the night is alive…’ Soon I had developed quite proficiency. Speak English, Boris! I had a little English from school in Poland, hello excuse me thank you very much, but two months with her I was chatter chatter chatter! Never stopped talking since! She was very nice and kind to me always. Even though she went in the kitchen and cried every day because she hated Karmeywallag so much.” It was getting late, but still hot and bright out. “Say, I’m starving,” said Boris, standing up and stretching so that a band of stomach showed between his fatigues and ragged shirt: concave, dead white, like a starved saint’s. “What’s to eat?” “Bread and sugar.” “You’re kidding.” Boris yawned, wiped red eyes. “You never ate bread with sugar poured on it?” “Nothing else?” He gave a weary-looking shrug. “I have a coupon for pizza. Fat lot of good. They don’t deliver this far out.” “I thought you had a cook where you used to live.” “Yah, we did. In Indonesia. Saudi Arabia too.” He was smoking a cigarette —I’d refused the one he offered me; he seemed a little trashed, drifting and bopping around the room like there was music on, although there wasn’t. “Very cool guy named Abdul Fataah. That means ‘Servant of the Opener of the Gates of Sustenance.’ ” “Well, look. Let’s go to my house, then.” He flung himself down on the bed with his hands between his knees. “Don’t tell me the slag cooks.” “No, but she works in a bar with a buffet. Sometimes she brings home food and stuff.” “Brilliant,” said Boris, reeling slightly as he stood. He’d had three beers and was working on a fourth. At the door, he took an umbrella and handed me one. “Um, what’s this for?” He opened it and stepped outside. “Cooler to walk under,” he said, his face blue in the shade. “And no sunburn.”

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir force people to talk about them. Of course, first and foremost because of their skating. Even before they battled for and won the silver medal at the 2008 World Championships, former Canadian figure skater Garossino had tears in his eyes after one of their skates. And legendary trainer Louis Strong praised them long before they won any major medals. But their off ice reputation/relationship has a place in people's talk as well. At competitions, if you'll note, that if you need to get an interview with Virtue and Moir, then you will most definitely receive a smile. Even the face of the tired reporter will brighten up: you'll hear, “They are so amazing” and “Scott, he's something all right.” After a personal interview, Virtue and Moir are a great pair. She is a classy beauty. She'd feel at home in a Jane Austen romance novel, and if she'd have to enter the real world, then she wouldn't even have to change her name. She would definitely be the extraordinary heroine. Moir, simultaneously, brings attention through his refreshing humor and is always sprinkling everyone with jokes. He reminds me of a young Steve Martin who upon an entrance always has a smile on. This interview was taken at the World Championships in Los Angeles, the day after they won the bronze medal after a fierce competition. Backstage at the Staples Center soars the soul of competition, but they look relaxed, even refreshed. He's dressed in a bright turquoise shirt while she's in a popular red coat. You have been skating together since 1997. This is a very long period for ice dance. “Yeahhhhhhh...,” stretched Moir, and Virtue added, “It really is a long time.” But they know that their experiences bring them strength. “You can see the great difficulties of the season that just ended for us,” says Moir, talking about Virtue's injury. “We had many obstacles that we needed to overcome, but we know how to work together excellently. We can pretty much take on anything. This is one of the greatest benefits of our lengthy partnership.” He glanced at Virtue, “And it's also great to have a younger, more mature sister, like Tessa. We're the best of friends and that really makes practice a lot of fun.” It's sweet that you call Tessa your younger, but more mature sister. “She's younger only by age,” added Moir. Virtue smiled. “This is part comfort, that comes with experience, and part trust,” she says. “You have to trust your partner because you're skating – it's only the two of you together. You have to forget about everything else and plunge into the hard work. If we respect each other and trust each other, then that just makes everything a lot easier.” Virtue and Moir are very fortunate to have found each other so early. It was fate that they were both born in London, Ontario, and were paired up in 1997 when he was 9 and she 7. Their rivals, Meryl Davis and Charlie White, can argue with them of the long partnership as they have a similar story. Currently, both pairs train with Igor Shpilband and Marina Zoueva in Canton, Michigan. “I think they're together just as long as we have been,” says Virtue, of Davis and White. “Me and Chucky grew up together,” says Moir of White. “We've been skating together since Novices.” Can you remember a moment when you were watching figure skating and you got goose bumps? Moir didn't even need time to consider his answer: “The 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City. Sale and Pelletier's 'Love Story.' It was unquestioningly just that kind of moment,” says Moir. “I was watching it at home on tv, and I swear I said to myself, 'I want to be a figure skater. I want to go through this. I will train and do everything needed. I want to do what they did and inspire the people of Canada just like they did.” Great answer! Moir smiled, “Thank you, I prepared!” Everyone laughed. Virtue added, “I can say that right now, I'm going through a phase where I'm watching Patrick Chan's skating. He reincarnates skating skills. Gosh, I just melt! I just melt when he skates.” Moir agrees, “I think that everyone needs to melt when they see his skating. I'm glad he's not a dancer because he'd lure Tessa in in a second.” Moir's cell phone going off reminds the interviewer that their time is limited. They often give interviews, so that's why they were immediately asked some not very serious questions. What do you always have in your fridge? “Chocolate milk,” Virte immediately answered. Moir thought for a second, “Cheese sticks.” Your fans were waiting to hear “fruits” or “distilled water.” Virtue's eyes widened at the horror and she merely shook her head. Moir said that he always takes Gatorade with him to the rink. If your house were to catch on fire, what would be the one item you'd take with you? “An object?” asks Virtue. “Yes.” “Photo albums.” Moir went into deep thought. “Probably my autographed jersey of Wendell Clark,” he said, referring to the best player of the Toronto Maple Leafs. What's your favorite movie? Oh! That's hard!” said Moir. “It's constantly changing. Right now it's 'Blood Sport.'” This movie with Jean Claude Van Damme, came out when Moir was only a year old. “'Princess Bride,'” answered Virtue, choosing a film from the same period as Moir. What's your favorite song? “Oh, I have so many!” said Scott, turning to Virtue for help. “Which would you say is my favorite song?” Before she got a chance to say anything, he straightened himself on his chair and gave a final answer, “AC/DC. 'Thunderstruck on Back in Black.' Best.” He turned to Virtue who suddenly seemed confused. “Hall and Oates?” she answered with a question. “I knew you'd say that!” exclaimed Scott. Virtue explained her hesitation, “Every time I say that, I get laughed at.” When it finally became apparent that around her were friends, she repeated her answer with more confidence, this time without a questioning tone, “Fine, so 'Hall and Oates.'” “I wanna tell you, you answered so doubtfully,” said Moir. “What kind of person told you: 'Gosh, how terrible!'?” In the same humorous manner, Virtue gave the name of the reporter and added, “She just pounced on me!” And what is your favorite song from Hall and Oates? Moir started singing the chorus to “Private Eyes,” bringing a smile to Virtue's face. “Probably 'Private Eyes,'” she nodded. “You saw them live, right?” asked Moir. “Yes,” confirmed Virtue. “In London. My sister and I took our mom for her birthday. I think we were the only young people who were dancing. What was the last book you read? “I just read The Pillars of the Earth,” said Tessa, referring to the historical piece by Ken Follet.It takes place in the tenth century, and the story revolves around a Cathedral in England. “I'm reading How Tiger Does It by Brad Kearns,” said Moir. This is a motivational book about Tiger Woods that delves into such topics as “How to enter the zone during competitions.” Do you read many motivational books? “Mostly biographies,” says Moir. And what can Tessa Virtue say about her book? “I can't decide,” says Virtue. “I was definitely entertained. I couldn't stop, just kept reading and reading, but at the same time, I didn't really like what the story was about, so that's why I have mixed feelings. But I think that was the joy of the book. I was definitely entertained.” Your first concert? “N'Sync,” answered Virtue. “I think my first concert was Kim Mitchell,” says Moir. “Do you know Kim Mitchell? He's the singer of 'Patio Lanterns.'” This single from 1986 was in Mitchell's later album. “I think this is very Canadian,” added Moir. “It wasn't a big concert. The conversation passed on to Youtube and the availability of music nowadays. What do you search for on Youtube most of the time? “So you think you can dance,” Virute immediately answered. “Sometimes we do a lot of homework online,” said Moir, “we search for music for dances, and there's a lot of it on there.” As dancers, Virtue and Moir have to constantly find new moves and positions for their programs. This becomes harder and harder every year, so they look for inspiration from other phenomenons like “So you think you can dance?” “Gosh, the choreography was just incredible!” exclaims Virtue. Who are your idols in figure skating? “When we were growing up, and transitioning from the junior level to the senior level, we learned a lot from older Canadian figure skaters, such as Jeff Buttle, Patrice Laizon and Marie Franz-Dubreill,” said Moir. “I don't know how to call them correctly: idols or mentors, but they definitely helped me learn to understand what to do in every given situation and when to be myself. These three truly helped us. And Jeff's win at the World Championships last year was just the icing on the cake. We miss him a lot.” Virtue agreed, “Jeff is always so inspiring, he really loves to perform. He's creative and he truly loves figure skating. And the art! I'm glad that we're very good friends.” The conversation went on to the strength of the art in the sport, generally. In the morning, after practice for the free skate, Patrick Chan had an interesting opinion on the other forms of art involved in figure skating. A reporter asked him: if he could change something in figure skating, what would it be? He suggested that the judges approach ballet dancers and artists for scores on the artistic side of the sport. “This makes sense,” says Moir. “I think that many creative and artistic moments are very limited in our sport right now,” says Virtue. “The new system is great in many aspects, but it's just as destructive in this sense, and if we have many ideas and we want to execute them, then they have to be judged by other artists.” “I agree!” says Moir, “Yes!” Transitioning to a more relaxed topic, can you describe any particular dreams you have? “I'm always either being arrested or shot at in my dreams,” says Moir. “I can't answer,” says Virtue. “I don't know if I have any interesting dreams that I remember that wouldn't be horrible or that wouldn't scare people.” Moir continued, “Almost every single one of my dreams ends in me being arrested, no matter where the dream is taking place...” This causes a bit of anxiety. Virtue compassionately nods. All right, we'll go to a much more pleasant topic. What should your ideal night be like? Moir immediately switched gear. “For me, it's just being at home in London, in the backyard, cooking barbecue with my friends and family,” he said. “Yes, this is my favorite thing to do. Our free time is so limited, so when we have the opportunity, we just really like to enjoy moments like that. Yes, my ideal night consists of sitting in the backyard with the light from the setting sun and just spending time with my friends.” “I agree,” said Virtue. “We put all our time into hanging out with friends and family and really enjoying it. But, to be honest, my first thought was dance, so if I'm in a dance class or I'm just dancing, it's like I'm just in my own little world and I just feel really happy...” This kind of vacation must seem really nice after Virtue underwent surgery to both legs. She had chronic exertional compartment syndrome that brought her great pain during practice. Her muscles couldn't expand so the doctors had to cut into her tissue to allow them to do so. She's on the road to recovery, but can still feel discomfort from time to time, which is why she doesn't spend much time in dance clubs. “Sometimes, it's just nice to have a dance night in your PJs,” she states firmly. The return of Virtue and Moir got a great response from Liz Manley at this World Champinoship. “This is just incredible,” she said after their free dance. “Nobody skates with the heart. Watching them really warms your heart.” Manley likes them not only on the ice. “They're just like adorable dolls!” she said. “You can just walk over to them and talk to them easily. They're very down to Earth.” It's time for the last question: What are your best memories on the ice? "I don't think that for me it's anything related to the elements of the skate," says Virtue. "I can't say about a specific moment, but I think we've had many moments when I just stopped and though, 'My God, how good is it all, that I can share this with Scott! How lucky we really are that we're friends and that we have all these opportunities.' He constantly makes me laugh, I think that particularly these moments in practice are the ones I'll always remember, and I'll keep them to myself/treasure them. Not the moments when we receive awards or our performances." Moir nodded. "My favorite moment is related to/associated with the last week before the end of the year (season), before the last competition; the programs are already ready and perfected to the level when you can give it your all and perform the program the way it should be performed. It's just a crazy feeling. You feel this at competitions and it's great, but when it happens at home, then the feeling is special/spectacular. You think, 'This is great!' That is definitely something you want to save and treasure." But many figure skating fanatics predicted different variations of answers: for example, their FD to Umbrellas of Cherbourg at the World Championship in 2008. "That was something really special," confirmed Virtue, "that was really something." "That was amazing," adds Moir. The two wowed the public of Goteburg, taking first place in the free dance with their breath-taking performance under the music of Michael Legran (the composer of UoC). That finally secured their spot on the international arena. "That was something special," says Virtue, "but I think people don't think about the greatness of special moments that happen to us at home, when the program can look even better, and that is an even more special moment, because only the two of us, alone, are experiencing it. After, going and performing the program to the public - this is also huge, but there are a lot more of these moments at home."

“Cuba Body” & Tips For Cheap Travel Fashion Essentials

Do you feel like you dress better when you travel or is that just me? For shorter trips, I plan my outfits to the T so I don’t over pack. For Cuba, I refused to pack pants because I hate them so much. Pants, especially in hotter climates, are torturous. As you guys know, I like to thrift travel so being comfortable enough to walk long distances for free is key.

When we decided we were going to Cuba, Banin and I met several times a week and worked out like never before. Every time I’d try to eat junk or skip a meal or chicken out of a squat set, Banin would repeat the “Cuba body” mantra to get me back on track. I’ve always been a gym rat as a runner but dedicating 4 days a week over the past three months to specific body parts was extremely helpful in order to see results.

I quickly realized I didn’t have enough choice in my closet to celebrate my body. I felt like the #firstworldproblems version of Cinderella trying to go to the ball in rags. I had to be super creative to achieve this so here is me sharing some tips to make your travel wardrobe look new, cute, and comfortable for cheap.  

Note: None of these clothes are name brands and are all under $10, borrowed, or given as gifts.

Go through your closet

Trust me, you have the staples in there. Neutrals and solids are the way to go because they’re so easy to mix and match. When you only have a carry-on, you cannot afford to pack multiple signature pieces. Rompers are great for this because it's an entire outfit in one piece (only tricky when you have to pee and end up completely naked in a public washroom).

Go through your sister/mother/friend’s closet 

I’m so lucky my sister has a solid fashion sense and lets me borrow her clothes from half way across the world. Both the crop and skirt are hers. Though I didn’t repeat the skirt, I did mix the crop with my beach skirt as casual evening wear.

White t and jean shorts go a long way

I had the white t, but not the shorts. Luckily, Banin let me borrow hers and this was probably my favorite outfit all week because it was so comfortable.

Never compromise on shoes

I usually take my New Balance running shoes but they don’t photograph well at all. These high top Converse knock-offs, on the other hand, are comfy and versatile. I’m not a big flip flop tan fan so I find these perfect to keep your feet one color.

Pack extra hair ties

Some countries don’t have a surplus of water so quick body showers are much easier with hair ties. Banin and I shared a hair tie because she forgot to pack one.

A staple black strap on bag is a must

Can’t emphasize this enough. I bought this bag 5 years ago and I’ve taken it to every single trip with me. It's leather and therefore water proof and the cross body strap allows me to shop and dance hands-free!

Repeating an outfit is not the end of the world

I wore this dress three times that week. The last time was with a lot of perfume.

Value Village!

After packing, when I realize I don’t have something I really need, Value Village always does. In this case, it was this cover-up and another baseball cap. I also wore this EXACT outfit in Rio two years ago.

Pack a light jacket

I only packed for Cuba weather and when we got to Chicago, we were the only idiots in summer dresses while people beside us wore Canada Goose. We called this look “literally underdressed and figuratively overdressed”.

I am by no means a fashion guru and the way we dress changes in different cultures and climates. But as a person who packs a lot, I hope these tips help for a summer look. Also, let me know if you have any other tips I should include! 

HAPPY PACKING!

25 Q/A Personality Tag

A dear friend of mine asked me to do this tag myself after I wrote this a while ago for my lovely friends here on Tumblr, thanks to the post by @annarieta regarding this tag, it gave me a little courage to do it. (I actually think there are many scary questions, I don’t like the idea of revealing it to just about anybody.) RULES: Tag people you want to get to know better.

1. Are you introverted or extroverted? I’m very introverted. I can go weeks on my own, without needing company or social stimulation. 

2. Are you ruled by emotions or logic? I reason from a point of logic, but ultimately make decisions based of what I feel will make everyone the happiest. 

3. What is your happiest memory? Like many others have said already, which was a bit surprising to read, I don’t recall many outstanding happy memories. Like @annarieta said, it’s the small things mostly. But I remember happy car rides with my best friend where we sang (screamed) to music, and traveling to the Vatican City with my classmates. Even if the company wasn’t necessarily good all the time, that place really made me happy. It was so beautiful. 

4. What is your saddest memory? Nowadays, every winter, I go into a state of hibernation really. It’s very dark here during the winter, we have about 5 hours of sunlight everyday. It’s cold, it’s dark and murky. It makes me very depressed. But um. The day I lost my best friend is a terrible memory. We were friends for 8 years and I’ve missed her very much for 3 years since. 

5. In what kind of world would you rather live in? I’d love to live in an Elven world. I love the architecture, I love the purple/blue/mystic gloom of the places. The nature, rivers are very beautiful. Where people cherished art, music, writing, love, beauty etc, and no one cared a wit for politics, cruelty or had any desire to forbid people from being different or happy. 

6. What is your favorite video game? The Witcher, Skyrim and BioShock are my babies. 

7. What is your biggest fear for yourself? Being hated by people. 

8. What is your biggest wish for yourself? To be a happy little hermit =) In a beautiful place where I can write stories, paint and be surrounded by 20 dogs.

9. What fictional character do you relate to the most?  Queen Freya from The Huntsman (she’s my avatar for a reason guuuuuuys). Wait, let me explain, haha. She’s portrayed as a complex evil character. I don’t consider myself to be evil, nor do I consider myself to be purely good either. I can relate to her character process. Alike her, I was very trusting and happy when I was little, I was truly a little sunshine. But like with so many of us, life happens, and then life happens again, and I became... well, a different person really. Like her, I often feel misunderstood and isolated. But I also cherish loyalty above all, and shun love away from me (I also freaking love ice and snow). I think love is beautiful when I see it with other people, but I could never love like that myself, somewhere it’s hardwired in my brain in a twisted way that love is a weakness and can be used to manipulate and harm me. Heartache and emotional suffering is something I'm terrified of (you know, when you can physically feel pain in your chest), and I can’t handle it anymore. So I don’t feel romantic desire towards people anymore, I think I’ve... removed it?  

10. If you could become anything, without any education or demands, what would you choose as your profession? Author or an actress.

11. Do you have any siblings? Two brothers and one sister. I’m the second youngest. 

12. Have you ever wanted to injure someone? When I was bullied, I wanted to injure the people who hurt me all the time, but I never actually did it. 

13. Have you ever wanted to help someone, but didn’t? Yes, but I always try to do the best I can to help someone, even if I don’t know the person. It doesn’t matter, I’ll happily embarrass myself to help someone in need. 

14. What makes you angry? Bullies, homophobes, racists, sexists, rapists, murderers, especially animal abusers can fuck off right to hell. 

15. What makes you happy? My precious jewel, doggy.<3 Also, traveling and airplanes is a joy. Museums, exploring new places, yeah. Fun fun. 

16. Would you rather beat up a small child once - or get beaten up by an angry man every single day for the rest of your life? I don’t want to beat up anybody, so bring me the man. Maybe I’d get really psychologically twisted and Stockholm Syndrome would set in so I’d start to like it lol. 

17. What places would you visit today if you could? Ireland! Scotland! England! Just because @lithiumgrayangel showed me how beautiful Sevilla is, I wanna visit Sevilla one day. But of course, beautiful Italy (Rome is stunning), Venice again, Russia (possibly Moscow), FRANCE! Finland, Norway and Iceland are beautiful too. Also Warsaw, UK and US. And Budapest. And New Zeeland, Canada, Australia... Gosh I wanna go everywhere, I can’t pick one!

18. Do you want children? Why? If not, why not? To be honest, it will depend on what situation I am in. Did I, against all odds, found a person who wants children? Then yes, in a stable household and in happy relationship, I’d consider having one or two, no more. But... Right now, that future is looking very bleak. And if I end up with someone who don’t want children, then I won’t have children. Just get a dog instead, they’re less fussy.  

19. Did you have a happy childhood? It’s a bit complicated. When I was young, I did have a happy childhood, but my father was also abusive back then. He calmed down once I became a teenager, and then the bullying started, and when the bullying stopped, my dad became sick. And my mother has basically been hysterical and wacky my entire life so. But um, to be honest. I had friends, a roof over my head, food on the table. I got nothing to complain about. 

20. Have you ever done drugs? If you have, would you do it again? I’ve been offered, but I’ve never been interested and nor will I be. I know a couple of people who just smokes pipe and marijuana in front of me? I think it’s odd but. I try not to judge, and it’s not my business. 

21. Would you rather become a child again, possessing all the knowledge you have today, or become middle-aged, with 45 000 000 € on your bank account? I’d become a child again, start my life over, and be twice as intelligent. Could be like a scientist or something. 

22. If you could become any existing famous person in the world - who would you be and why? I admire Lana del Rey a lot, but I wouldn’t want to be any celebrity. Unless I can become someone really powerful and change the world. Like Donald Trump and resign as the president so someone more capable can take over. 

23. Are your parents married or divorced? They’re divorced, but sadly live together still. It’s a stupid decision, but I reckon my father wouldn’t last a day on his own, and my mother must be addicted to misery. 

24. Where do you see yourself in the future? An author, hopefully. Making a positive change, helping people, having meaningful friends in my life, living in a beautiful place surrounded by nature and animals. :) 

25. If you’d like, a question of your own here. Mine is directed to my fellow Witcher lovers; Who and Why?

For friendly purposes, Regis or Cirilla?  I like Ciri, and I can understand why people would choose her, she seems like she would be a lovely friend. But ultimately, I’d have so much to discuss with Regis. I feel like, without being self-absorbed or... delusional in any way, I have some things in common with him. We’re too loyal, we fight for people who don’t cherish our love or advice and we both like discussing philosophical topics with loooooooong sentences (as you’ve probably noticed by now). I’d feel so good in his company, he’s a lovely lovely man. 

For romantic purposes, Dettlaff or Avallac’h? My darling Avallac’h, I know there are so many people who misunderstands him, confuses his intelligence for arrogance. People call him horrible things. To be honest, I don’t have too much against Dettlaff though, I like him, and I love his complex nature. But of course, I’d never pick anyone over Avallac’h. He’s brilliant, and I would love to discover a million new worlds with him. (ps. marry me have my babies)

As your co-worker, Caranthir or Geralt? Caranthir would be a brilliant colleague, though Geralt is probably more lovable, Caranthir is intelligent. He’d help me with my tasks and I’d sit there gazing into his eyes and not hearing a word he’s saying. ♥‿♥ (true story, I often drift away when people talk to me)

As your boss, Eredin or Ge’els? I don’t know, he feels more attainable than Ge’els do. Ge’els is just da boss, he’d rule over me, I’d always feel incredible stupid and inferior around him. But Eredin is kinda wacky, but I love him, but he’s a silly goose so I’d just try to befriend him to eventually marry him so we could rule the galaxy together. 

As your best friend, Yennefer or Shani? Yennefer, my oh my, I’ve been in love with her since the first time I saw her. She’s INTELLIGENT AND INTELLIGENCE IS SEXY ASF. Shani, you cool too but. Meh, I think her character is a bit boring. There’s not much interesting about her that makes her stand out? She’s not really complex either? She’s just... idk... pretty and stuff. Redhead and stuff. (sorry @vaporeox dont kill me)

As your ally, Vernon Roche or Anna Henrietta? Nah nah, always Roche, I love that man immensely. I’d marry him too. I’d marry everyone. 

As your worst enemy, Triss or Dandelion? I don’t really like Triss that much. What she did to Yennefer has ruined her in my eyes.

Tagging: I’ve already tagged people for this tag, but I would like to tag some of my lovely followers who haven’t been tagged in this, tho I can’t possibly tag all of you, I’m sorry about that: @blackeasteagle @everydayzer0es @spooky-cowfish @dovahkiin-deathbat @shadanakara @i-am-the-sword-in-the-darkness @o-moonyue-o @heroesneverdiie @blohandrum @rosiesuzuya and anyone else who wants to do it - you can write you were tagged by me. ❤

11 questions

tagged by...who in the sam heck tagged me in this one?? it was in my phone, but I didn’t write who down because I was like “I’ll obviously remember” well OBVIOUSLY NOT, PAST STELL

1. favorite Christmas tradition?

Mmmmm…on Thanksgiving Night we watch Polar Express to usher in the Christmas season. It’s always a nice time.

2. if someone wanted to understand you, what would they have to read, watch, and listen to?

Emily Dickinson, Pride and Prejudice, Debussy.

3. if you could control one of the classic elements (earth, air, fire, water), which would you choose and why?

Either air or water, because then I could not only control those elements, but take them away from people. All you’d have to do is make people pass out from the lack of these things, and voilà! Problem = over.

4. if you were part of a fantasy story, what would your character be?

“I’m a damsel, I’m in distress, I can handle–wait, were those poisoned-tip arrows?”

5. do you write fanfic?

Look me in the eyes and ask me that question again.

5. do you write fanfic?

Oh. You did ask it again. Uh–okay. Yeah, I do. And I hate myself for it.

6. what movie do you never get tired of watching?

I get tired of everything eventually, but I’d get least tired watching movies from my childhood. Probably Disney.

7. what’s your go-to comfort food?

I don’t really have one, but whenever I got sick when I was young I would eat strawberry shortcake.

8. what’s your favorite quality about yourself?

Next question please.

8. what’s your favorite quality about yourself?

I said next, not–oh, all right! I’m thoughtful toward people and animals, resulting in my general gentleness towards them.

9. do you like sleeping in or getting up early?

I like being asleep. Unconscious to the world. And then I like to get up when I have nightmares. And then I stay awake so I won’t be here unconscious, but ultimately fall asleep and end up unconscious. And then I like being asleep.

10. what would you choose for your Patronus?

This is such a hard question. I’ve been described as a swan, a gazelle, and I’m not even going to address what Pottermore deigned to give me. Probably a Canada Goose, because it kind of seems like a swan, but it’s really just a grumpy and slightly better looking goose than all the other geese. 

11. who do you wanna be like?

People always ask this question and I have to admit I didn’t really have role models growing up. I still don’t, I just try to project my best self in the future and endeavor to reach that point. But if there had to be one…it would be Ms. Frizzle.

Part 2~ (tagged by @hobbitsetal)

1. what’s one of your favorite venues?

I don’t like eating out, I get really nervous eating in public. But I’ve recently taken a liking to Culver’s.

2. do you like visiting new places?

Hmmm, I think so. Provided I have a way of getting back home.

3. if you traveled to a strange city and had a day to yourself, what would you do?

Wander around, making sure I stayed safe. Just would soak the city in~

4. what fictional character do you relate to most?

Emily of New Moon, I suppose? Or Sara Crewe. As for adult characters, I don’t know, who is cheerfully self-destructive and still alluring?

5. what do you wish people understood about you?

My emotions are messy, and they spill out. If you’re annoyed with them, then I am more annoyed. It’s...not a game, or something I do for attention. Even if it’s silly, it still is very real to me. 

6. do you like your family?

Yes, I do

7. if you had a family, what’s something you would do for/with your kids that your parents didn’t do?

Teach them how to be independent relatively early

8. what’s something your parents did that you would do?

My mom set up a lot of traditions when I was a kid, so I’d like to keep those going

9. if you could spend 6 months anywhere in the world, where would you go?

I hate traveling, so I’m unsure. I think I’d like to just...travel. Go see everything I’ve read about in books. Check off the sites I have on my pinterest board.

10. ocean or mountains?

Mountains

11. favorite album?

Mmmm...I think it may be Nat King Cole Greatest Hits

Part 3~ (tagged by @jayykesley)

1. What (reasonable) pet would you get, other than a cat or dog?

Hedgehog!

2. Juice or milk?

Juice. I’ve never been too fond of milk. Grosses me out a little, to be frank. 

3. Favorite book? Why?

This is like asking me to choose a hand. I WILL say that I recently read From The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and it inspired a new aspect to my writing style.

4. LEAST favorite book, and why?

Anything by Ann M. Martin. Hate those books. They’re like special wrapped lies disguised as lovely presents that stab you in the mind. 

5. Video games you like, or have been wanting to try?

I don’t play video games, but I really always wanted to play Kingdom Hearts or Legend of Zelda! 

6. Ever found a really cool rock?

That was more my sister’s thing, but once I found a crystal in my backyard. And a shell. Which...is a weird thing to find in the desert. 

7. What’s a cool dream you’ve had?

Honestly my dreams are more often than not weird nightmares. But when I was a kid I had a lot of dreams where I could just float. I could always replicate the feeling in my dreams. 

8. How many blankets do you sleep with?

I’m sleeping with four right now, because it’s winter. In the summer I sleep with two. 

9. What would be your dream breakfast?

Protein first, fruit second. 

10. Favorite movie you’ve seen recently?

The Painted Veil, Moonrise Kingdom, The Big Short!

Right so now my questions

1. if you could go back in time with no repercussions, which era would you go to?

2. what is your best virtue?

3. what virtue did you wish you had more of?

4. what color is your voice?

5. what’s your favorite song right now?

6. if you had to recommend me a book in which would take the place of a first impression, which book would you choose?

7. favorite childhood movie?

8. if you could change/add anything to the Harry Potter universe, what would it be? (if you’re not involved with the Harry Potter verse, pick a fandom and tell me!)

9. what’s your favorite time of the day?

10. favorite prayer/Bible verse? (if you don’t have one, a favorite quote?)

11. Favorite candle scent? 

I tag @marshmallow-galaxy @wisegirlandseaweedbrainforever @ocean-sunrise @thelittleredheadedmusician @youvegotthatonering @soldier-poet-king @troublesfarbehind @moonlightangelwings @brooklynnbros @autumnhobbit @danderedreamer and gosh i dont know its 3 am here idk any more