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yuta-nakamots · 3 years

Text

perfect - z.cl

Pairing - Chenle x Fem!Reader

Genre - fluff, angst, university!au, friends to lovers!au

Warnings - alcohol consumption, mention of drunkeness, lots of arguments, heavy making out, breakups, contains an aged up chenle (26-ish) towards the end

Summary - He’s definitely not your knight in shining armor, he may not be the one you bring home to mother, but he’ll be the one to give you flowers. Chenle is not the right one for you, but he is for right now.

Word Count - 5.2k

A/N - Bolded phrases are song lyrics taken from One Direction’s song ‘Perfect’ and inspired from the lyrics along with all the vlives where Chenle and the members have started yelling out the lyrics.This was supposed to come out back in January but school held it up and now Ana is gone hhhhh. I know she’s still on Tumblr but under a new url so if anyone wants to send this to her, to let her know that I did finish it, that would be nice.

Taglist - @astroboy-lele @in-my-neofeelings || fill out this form if you’d like to join my general taglist ^^

Written for the Sometimes Letting Go… Collab originally hosted by @sunryu who unfortunately deactivated.

When I first saw you from across the room, I could tell you were curious

The mutual attraction between you and Chenle was undeniable. Ever since the two of you first met as freshmen in an econ class, you knew he was your twin flame and he was yours. That initial meeting was almost comical, the way the professor said to pair up and talk to someone next to them for a bit and it seemed like everyone had turned away from you except for the boy sitting next to you.

It seems you both had the same realization as your heads turned and eyes met. “Well I guess you’re my friend for today,” he began, “hi, my name is Chenle. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Y/n,” you told him, “the pleasure is all mine.”

“So, why are you in this class?” He asked, tapping his pen on his leather-bound planner.

You hesitated for a second as you thought about how much to tell him. “I’m majoring in business and this was just one of the mandatory classes in my plan.”

“Hm, same here,” Chenle shared, seeming the slightest bit amused at your similarity, “would you also happen to be in calculus this semester?”

“Section 3 at 10:30?” You counter.

Chenle broke into a smile, “that’s the one.”

“How about freshman seminar?” You asked.

“1:15 in the world language building?” Chenle offered, copying your answer from before.

“Wow,” your eyebrows were raised in actual disbelief, “did you steal my schedule or something?”

“No, but I do believe in fate,” the boy next to you confessed, “would you like to get lunch sometime before freshmen seminar?”

You nodded, “I’d like that,” you stopped mid-sentence when you remembered that you told your friends you’d eat with them, “I am gonna be eating with my friends though so I could introduce you to them if you’d like.”

“Want to bet that we have the same friends too?”

“No way, that would be too coincidental.”

And coincidental it was. Somehow your friends knew some of Chenle’s friends whether it be from high school activities, childhood friends, or even having just met in their own classes. Your small group of five had immediately doubled in size.

Of course, with such a large group of friends, there was much fun to be had and many memories to be made. During midterms is when you were thankful you were majoring in business and not something like biology or chemistry. You could still go out and have fun on weekends with Chenle and the majority of your friends, meanwhile a few poor souls had to stay back to study their ‘reaction mechanisms’ or whatever the heck those things were called.

You quickly found that you weren’t one for parties though you loved to hang out with your friends and have small little parties of your own in the dorms. Every single time, as you all got progressively drunker and started to clock out for the night, it was always you and Chenle left being the two most sober with no other choice but to take care of your friends over hushed conversations.

“How much vodka did Hannah even drink?” Chenle asked while you both worked on cleaning up the mess of solo cups and napkins surrounding your friend who had, unfortunately, drank over half of the bottle. You picked it up, waving it at Chenle to show him. “She’s gonna have a nasty hangover…or at least wake up super dehydrated.”

As you worked on laying a blanket across her, passed out on the floor, Chenle had managed to stuff all the napkins inside the cups he had collected and was busy aiming at the trash can across the room. Right as he was about to shoot, “miss!” you called out. The little stack of cups hit the rim of the plastic trash bin and fell to the floor. Chenle turned to you, sticking out his tongue and imitating the way you caused him to mess up before going to properly dispose of the rubbish.

Instead of simply placing it in the waste, he once again returned to where he stood before, with one eye shut, aiming for the bin. You let out a scoff, ready to disturb him once more. He shot you a glance, knowing what you were planning from the way you just stood watching him. But regardless, he tried again. “Airball” you sang as he released the short stack of cups, sending them flying to the foot of the bin.

Chenle let out a growl, childishly stomping his way over to you while you tried to quietly escape from his grasps through the mess of food and other miscellaneous items on the floor. From the hushed giggles and name-calling from the two of you as you both stumbled around the room, to the whispered late-night thoughts and affirmations spoken from your positions on the floor with your heads resting on the edge of a bed, you barely even noticed how fast time was passing.

“Are you going home for the holidays?” You asked him.

He shook his head, “it’s my first time getting to live away from my parents and whenever I do go back, they’ll probably be expecting me to bring some girl with me.”

You turned to look at him, “why would they expect that?”

“They’re both getting old and want to retire soon,” Chenle started, “so the faster I get married and take over the company, the faster they’ll get to live out the rest of their lives,” he explained.

“Well that’s not very nice of them,” you commented, “what kind of parents would place such high responsibility on their child like that?”

“Mine I guess,” Chenle sighed.

After a moment of silence, you sat up, unsure what to make of the next words to come out of your mouth. “If you want, I could go with you.” Chenle looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed. “Like, I could be your fake girlfriend or something so that they don’t bother you so much about finding one.”

“That’s…an idea,” he started, biting on the corner of his lip as he played out possible scenarios in his head. “I think that would only make it worse though since we’d both have to make up stories and tell the same information.”

“True. But we could at least make it look believable, don’t you think?” You reached over to pet Chenle’s head the same way you’ve seen him do to his friends. “Oh, Chenle, you’re so cute,” you cooed, “I can’t wait to marry you and be with you for the rest of our lives.”

He grabbed your wrist and put it in your lap, not very keen on the show of affection. “Yeah, I think we’d look like a pretty convincing couple.”

“Do we look good together though?” You pondered. “If we were to show up to an event or something, would we make people stop and stare at us?”

“Anyone can do that if they wear something weird or do something out of the ordinary-“

“Okay but that’s not what I’m asking,” you interrupted, “I’m asking, would we look good together as a couple?”

Chenle shrugged apprehensively, “sure.” Your eyes bore into him as if forcing a more legit answer out of him. “Yes, I think we would look good as a couple.”

It was as if you and Chenle were made for each other. Whatever one did, the other was never too far behind. It was absolutely no surprise to your friends when you told them Chenle had asked you out and you became official. While your college careers continued and friends came and went, Chenle was always with you. He was your solid island in the middle of a tumultuous sea, your oasis in a dried desert. You didn’t need anyone else around to have fun, just him, just the two of you.

But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms and if you like having secret little rendezvous

Being with Chenle was as wild as things could get. It meant impulsive plans and bad decisions. Weekend nights normally consisted of one of you driving with no destination in mind until someone got hungry. Even at that point, the night didn’t end.

Sometimes the two of you would stay out past midnight, not wanting to leave each other’s company just yet. The feeling of the wind whipping past you as Chenle drove or the thrill of gassing it down the freeway was almost dreamlike. One would think that at this point, you’d return home, but for you, your home was wherever Chenle was. If it meant staying in a small hotel room for the night drinking cheap wine out of paper cups then so be it, that was home.

“Baby, you already drank almost half of the bottle, leave some for me,” Chenle teased, his eyes glimmering under the low lighting. The brightness of the small lamp on the desk failed to reach where he was sitting, the cozy armchair too far in the corner for it to be illuminated.

“Come here and get some then,” you suggested, lazily winking at him before downing another shot-sized gulp and enjoying the burn from the liquid running down your throat. The bed you were sitting on wasn’t all that soft but you had already warmed up a little spot of it and gotten too comfortable to move.

Chenle raised an eyebrow at you, a smirk tugging at his lips. “I don’t think you want me to do that.”

“Why not?” Your expression mirroring his.

“You wanna find out?

“Maybe I do.”

He let out a scoff and within a second he was on the bed, climbing up and settling over you. His warm breath fanned your neck, the scent of alcohol filling your senses. “Are you sure about that?”

“Fuck around and find out, handsome,” you taunted.

You had barely even finished your sentence before Chenle’s lips were on yours, his usual soft and pillowy lips became hot and heavy against yours under the guide of the fifteen-dollar wine. You were sure that you were definitely getting tipsy but Chenle’s love and passion were even more overwhelming. It was moments like this when you felt that you were drunk off of his love and it was absolutely intoxicating in the best way.

If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do, then baby I’m perfect

It was drunk weekends like this that led to a rocky start of the following week. It’s not that you and Chenle were bad students, it’s just that when you become totally infatuated with the person you love, you start to devote yourself to them instead of what actually needs to get done.

As sophomores in college, one would think that you’d have a little more self-control but with Chenle, you just couldn’t help it. He was worse than any drug you could ever take, to the point where your friends would have to intervene and keep you in your rooms until a substantial amount of work was done.

You called them annoying but really you should’ve been thankful to them for caring so much about you back then, and you are thankful, looking back on it. They always told you ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ and you wish you had listened to them. Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t have lost a relationship that you thought was practically flawless.

Perfect for you

In junior year, that is when your beautiful illusion finally began crumbling down. Your workloads grew heavier and your hours of sleep decreased. Chenle would often leave you on read, having opened your message in the middle of studying then forgotten to reply to it. Even when you childishly got upset at him for that, he’d always give you the same apology or buy you something cute as if money could shut you up.

With little to no distance between the two of you, it was easy for boundaries to be crossed and for problems to go unaddressed. You can feel like you know someone so well, that they’ll always understand what you mean and they can read your words like a book, but it didn’t seem that way anymore with Chenle.

He’d make fun of the way you always made him say ‘I love you’ at least once a day or some of your other pet peeves, including the way you had a Hello Kitty mouse pad that was ‘too childish for a college student to be using.’ It may have been out of love but it sure didn’t seem that way.

I might never be the hands you put your heart in or the arms that hold you any time you want them

Soon, the little pricks in your relationship spread past closed doors and into your schoolwork. Sharing a major and classes with your significant other was not exactly ideal, especially when they had different values and beliefs from you and had to argue for their reasoning.

“That just isn’t sustainable in the long run though,” you commented as you read through Chenle’s senior research report while seated opposite of him inside a library study room.

He ran a hand through his hair, leaning back into his seat, about to repeat himself for the fourth time. “It’s not about sustainability, it’s about the profit margin that’s being made. What don’t you get?”

“It’s not good for the environment, it’s not good for the people working in the factories,” you point out, “I don’t get how you can subject these things onto people.”

“Y/n, we’re business majors,” he stated plainly, “we study money, the economy, sales, company relationships, we’re not here to be environmentalists. Things don’t have to last very long, so much as they make a profit.”

“But we should think about the impact of our future businesses and their longevity in the world-”

“You should think about passing this class and stop being so prissy and uptight about saving trees or whatever the fuck you’re going on about.”

You were absolutely shocked at the words that had just come out of his mouth. This wasn’t the first time he had seemingly degraded you in this manner, but when it came to school and your own work, you were deeply offended at what he had said, especially since both of you had spent many hours on your respective projects.

“Chenle,” you began softly, “tell me you didn’t mean that.”

He refused to meet your gaze, “If I told you that then I would be a liar.”

“Look, you can’t just spew whatever bullshit you want and just expect that people won’t get hurt,” you criticized, only to be cut off once more.

“Then maybe you should learn to not take everything so seriously,” he snapped back.

“I...I think we need a break.”

“Agreed.”

“No, from each other.” Chenle’s head whipped up to look at you, his eyes went wide when he realized what you were insinuating.

“Baby no, you know it’s not like that,” he started, but it was already too late. You blocked his voice out of your head as you packed your belongings, just wanting to get out of this room, wanting to get away from him.

This wasn’t the first time you had fought with him in this way but it felt like you had finally lost all your patience. You were tired of always being told you were wrong and having your thoughts and ideas invalidated. As you stormed away from the library, you realized that maybe you needed to let go of things that no longer brought you joy.

Sometimes letting go...is a new start

After that incident, you did indeed have a fresh start. You slowly removed Chenle from your life and just in time for graduation. Whenever he tried to approach you on campus, you always turned the other way even if it meant being late to class. Luckily, you didn’t have many shared classes with him anymore and you were all the more grateful for it right now.

You’d come back to your campus apartment with the occasional flower or sticky note left on your doorstep asking you to give him another chance but you simply didn’t have enough time or energy to care anymore. Commencement was approaching and you still had yet to hear back from any of the companies you had applied to for internships.

But that don’t mean that we can’t live here in the moment

One of your friends had mentioned that Chenle had already received news that he was accepted into his family’s business, a large company in China, and you wished you could’ve been there when he had read the email. You could practically hear his yell of delight, his laugh when he’d turn to hug you, even if it was practically guaranteed that he’d get in, you missed it all so much but there was no turning back now.

It wasn’t until after commencement did you receive your own letter of acceptance from one of the largest foreign trade companies in the area after you saw Chenle for the last time. “Zhong Chenle, Bachelor of Arts in business management.” You remembered the immense pride and pain you felt in your chest, watching him walk across the stage to claim his diploma as you sat clothed in the same cap and gown only a few rows away. You wished you could share your emotions with him, but you had to remind yourself that he was no longer yours, he was no longer the man you first fell in love with.

‘Cause I can be the one you love from time to time

Four years have passed since that moment at commencement. In those four years, you’ve climbed your way up in the company, taking a hold of a directing position in project development and management. With all your success though, there was always one failure that kept floating through your mind. The number of sleepless nights and wandering moments you’ve spent thinking about all the ‘what ifs’ and the changes you should’ve made in your relationship have all decreased with time, but sometimes it all comes crashing back. You miss the memories you made with him and you miss being so young and naive.

Sometimes you managed to hear a thing or two about the company he worked for but you never paid much attention to it, always falling back into a spiral of guilt and calling yourself the sole reason why your relationship fell apart. Chenle would even pop into your mind at the weirdest times when you’d be thinking of anything but him.

Like the other day as you were staring out the window of your office, watching people and cars pass by, your memory of Chenle speeding down the empty highway suddenly resurfaced. The adrenaline you felt from the buildings and signs whizzing by, the slight buzz of alcohol you felt in your system, the cool air coming in from Chenle’s window, the warmth of his hand in yours. You couldn’t help but smile at it fondly yet it turned sour when you thought of the last time he ever drove you somewhere. You had argued with him about something dumb, you couldn’t even remember it at this point, and you even slammed the door before storming off to who knows where.

Or some months ago, you were interviewing possible new hires for the company and met someone from Puerto Rico. Once you finished the interview with them, you sat at the wooden desk while remembering the way you teased Chenle because he didn’t know how to pronounce Puerto Rico. You thought it was cute and even told him that, but it ended up in another fight because you may have spent a little too long dwelling on the topic.

But oftentimes when you find yourself thinking about him, you’d wonder how he’s doing. Is he happy where he is right now? What kinds of things is he doing for his job? Has he found a new girlfriend? What if he dated many other people after me? What if he’s married? Would he have children by now? Or most importantly, ‘does he still love me?’

And if you like midnight driving with the windows down, and if you like going places we can’t even pronounce

Regardless, you’d shake off all these thoughts and continue about your day, completing the tasks assigned to you. The majority of your time was spent conducting interviews and deliberating with the directors about who to hire for what position. It was quite fun, really. You got to meet all of the new hires before they came into the company and you felt empowered by the fact that you would be indirectly responsible for the future of the company in this sort of way.

On one particular day, everything felt like it was going just a little too well. Your hair was done just the right way, traffic was light, your coworkers seemed to all be in a good mood, but most importantly, there were no fat folders sitting on your desk, waiting for you to go through. Just a single sheet of paper with the list of the new hires coming in for their briefings along with the notes you were required to go over.

You didn’t bother checking it, seeing as how you had exactly two minutes left before the scheduled meet time, which was exactly the amount of time you needed to head downstairs to the conference room. You really should have checked the list though. It would have prepared you for the shock of seeing a certain someone sitting at the table in a suit that looked all too good on him.

“Zhong Chenle?” You audibly gasped, pausing in your tracks the moment you entered the conference room.

His eyes were already on you as if he knew you’d be the person to walk through that doorway at that exact moment. “That would be me.”

The other new hires looked around at each other sharing all types of glances. Worried, suspicious, surprised, questioning, nothing really all that positive. “Sorry, he’s just an old friend that I was surprised to see,” you quickly explained, trying to pull yourself back together.

Throughout your whole presentation, it was like all the attention in the world was directed at you. Never had you felt this nervous before doing something that was supposed to be so familiar. Every time your eyes glanced over in Chenle’s direction, his gaze managed to catch yours as if he was trying to speak to you without any words.

By the time you adjourned the meeting and sent the new hires off to their respective departments, it felt like you had run a marathon. Your palms were clammy, your legs shaky, your mind racing, and your heart was pounding.

Chenle was the only one left in the conference hall while you pushed in all the chairs and turned off the lights. “Looks like these years have done you well.” He commented, finally able to take in the sight of you now that there was no one else around.

“I could say the same for you.” His shoulder had gotten broader and any childlike features had left his face. He truly looked like he had grown into a man. The dark gray suit he was wearing fit the lines of his body so well, it made you think he could’ve been a model instead of simply becoming an office worker. “So how have you been?”

He did a classic Chenle shrug, “nothing much really. I started off being just a marketing employee, did some work, and got myself to be chief marketing officer. It seems you’ve gotten much further than I have, though. Project development and management?”

“Oh, it’s not anything huge. I just help with planning things out and doing all the paperwork for its execution. I only do interviews and help with hiring when we’re in season, which would be why I’m here right now,” you explained, motioning for him to follow you out of the room. “Your new supervisor is probably wondering where you are. I sent the rest of the newbies a few minutes ago already. I’ll just tell him that you had a few questions about our operations.”

“Wow, cheating the system? That’s not the way I remember you,” Chenle said with mock disapproval. You led him to the elevators, pleasantly surprised to find one still on your floor after you hit the ‘up’ button. Your eyes met with his while you gestured for him to go in. “Ladies first,” he had a cat-like grin on his face as you rolled your eyes and stepped into the elevator.

“So why did you decide to leave your company? Weren’t you going to take it over someday?” You ask over the squeaking of the doors closing.

Chenle leaned against the cold metal wall of the elevator, “I still plan to but I felt like they were just kind of babying me or treating me differently because they knew of my background,” he explained. You could only nod to acknowledge the fact that you were listening. “I told my parents that I wanted to get experience outside of the company and they didn’t really understand at first until I showed them my point of view and how it’s a little worrisome to perhaps, learn how to cook when you always have chefs around you giving you instructions down to the tiniest things.”

The elevator came to a stop and the heavy doors opened onto the floor Chenle would be working on. “But why this company? We’re not even closely related to yours?” You led him down the hallway in the direction of his supervisor's office.

“My parents were the ones who recommended it, actually. It would be a little risky to go to a neighboring one in the case of it being viewed as a betrayal or like some kind of inside mission so they said I should just come back here since I’d probably have a high chance of acceptance-“ you put a hand up to stop him from talking, seeing how many of the other employees had started to look at him due to his volume.

“Chenle, must I remind you that this is an office?” You gritted out, embarrassed in front of your colleagues.

He shook his head before turning to the mass of them, bowing politely then continuing in the same direction as before. Once both of you reached the head office at the end of the hallway, Chenle spoke up once more. “By any chance, are you free tonight?”

“That depends,” you began, “what are you hinting at?”

“Just seeing if you’d like to go out to dinner so we can properly catch up, I guess,” he proposed bashfully.

You hummed in thought, “mmm, put in a good word for me with your supervisor and you’ve got a deal.”

“Deal,” he agreed.

“Meet me in the lobby at 5:30, don’t be late,” you told him before knocking on the wooden door in front of you and allowing Chenle in.

If you like to do whatever you’ve been dreaming about, then baby you’re perfect

You thought Chenle’s wine phase in college would be just that, a phase, but it really wasn’t. He had ordered an expensive bottle of merlot even with all your insistence that you wouldn’t be drinking and even made him promise that he’d be sober enough to drive himself back to wherever his accommodations were.

He made a face of fake dismissal before picking up your last conversation. “So anyway, as I was saying earlier, my parents suggested that I come back here, especially since I got my degree from the university so I’m bound to get in.”

You were about to open your mouth to say something like “getting in is not a guarantee” especially coming from your experience in doing interviews and having to decide which applicants to turn down, but you decided against it.

“Initially, I was a little against it since I didn’t want to come back to somewhere I’ve already stayed at for some time,” he confessed, “but after I did some research on the company and found out that you’re one of the associates, I was a little more open to the idea.”

There was a break of silence while you started to link your thoughts together. “So you came here because you found out that I work here?”

“Yes, but also no,” Chenle stated, blurting the second part out rather quickly when he saw the shift in your expression. “It is true that I wanted to see you and how you were doing but it’s not just that. I figured that if you worked here and had such a high position, it must be a good place to work.”

“But what I’m hearing is…you came here because of me,” you state bluntly though your heart couldn’t help but let out a cheer of delight.

Chenle redirected his gaze at the neighboring tables. “You could say that, sure.”

“Chenle, what do you want out of this? What do you want out of me specifically?” You contended. His eyes continued to flit around the lowly lit space, not daring to meet yours unlike earlier in the conference hall. “What? Did you come back just expecting me to run into your arms? Did you think we would just pick up where we left off?”

Now he looked down at the white tablecloth, as if in shame. “Would it be wrong of me to ask for a second chance?”

You too joined him in staring at the table, wishing that he had answered ‘no’ to your previous questions. “It wouldn’t exactly be wrong, but it’s not right either. I’d be willing to give you a second chance if we agree to not call it that, but rather a promise.”

He finally looked up at you again, his dark pupils catching the dim golden lights above him. “A promise?”

You nodded. “We’re older now, we’re fully grown adults with jobs to do and taxes to pay. We’re no longer the same carefree college students we used to be.”

“Well yeah, obviously-“

“No, listen,” you interject, cutting him off, “we can’t just recklessly play with each other’s minds and feelings like we used to. No more games and no more ‘next times.’ If we try again, I want this to be a promise that we’ll both do better because we can and we want to.”

“If it’s a promise that you want then,” Chenle held out his hand with his pinky finger extended, “it’s a promise I’m willing to make.”

You linked your pinky with his before bringing your thumbs together and sealing the promise. Matching smiles appeared across both of your faces as you stepped into a new chapter of life with Chenle by your side once more.

Sometimes letting go is…perfect. So let’s start right now

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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literally stumbled upon a blog just now, one that i never interacted with once in my life, and saw they had blocked me.

the reason why i’m making a big post about this is because... holy shit. this one is nuts. like, some of the people on here, i get it completely, i get why you don’t me to interact with you. but the more i think about this, the more i feel tumblr going this way in the future. like, this is legit terrifying when i think about it.

now, understand, after the block party of last summer, at this point, no skin off my nose—does seem a little strange that i have never seen you in my life, let’s see your pinned post:

um… 🤭

i’m sorry, i have to laugh at this. it’s so over-the-top that it actually got a laugh out of me. why are you here if you don’t want people to follow you? this isn’t instagram or twitter where you can put your account on private and refuse who follows and who doesn’t. i mean, i do see the logic somewhat—instagram will shadowban you when you make art with eroticism or violence and twitter is virtually impossible to use now, but still. sort out your shit before you come here.

okay, that first part makes complete sense. i post risqué stuff from time to time and i want everyone to use discretion as a result because i’m a wild card—after the shit with daveigh/xxgreendruidessxx i am so wary of ageless blogs. that second part, though. i’m not into that stuff myself (i think it’s gross, tbh) but saying it’s not “true” bdsm or that it can’t be is a little overblown, don’t you think? (never met anyone who wanted to gatekeep bdsm of all things, too, like damn)

”usually”, meaning there are exceptions and they can be taught how to dominate properly, you just are refusing to do the work for whatever reason. next question.

excuse you, it is just a word, like in the phrase “come to mama, baby”—emphasis on “come” and i like to call him baby because he’s precious to me and he gives me butterflies. something tells me you read fifty shades of gray and took it way too literally.

hey, i have hang-ups with fandom myself but i’m a fan of a lot of stuff. this blog is all me. what’s wrong with that? that’s kind of sad, actually, not being a fan of stuff. bring in the gatekeeping and i feel you must not have a sense of wonder. like, your private life must not contain anything childlike or pure (notice i said “childlike” and not “childish”). that’s really sad, such that i kind of feel bad i’m doing this. like, hehehehe, see some tumblr bitch make fun of someone who doesn’t like stuff hur hur.

that being said…

jesus fucking christ, are you serious? i h8 the utter circle jerk of posts about each other’s mutuals because they’re obnoxious noise at this point but i’m always flattered when that happens. like, whoa, dude, i woke up to a shitload of notes on my posts, thank you, person! (bonus if it’s my art.)

hey, i do, too, but you don’t see me bitching about people going through and reblogging a bunch of things. the fact you outright declare you post memes (and not art) tells me everything i need to know, too. *twirls paintbrush*

so, according to you, kinks outside of bdsm are invalid. you think people who are into porn, either out of curiosity or genuine enjoyment, are brain dead. you think people who like erotica are brain dead. get out of your sight? how bout i fart in your general direction while i leave? make you smell me because i have a delicate stomach and shaming people for their kinks is not okay.

forget a private life being sterile: your private life is more poisonous than the basement at chernobyl.

THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT, LADY

and you’re one to talk given you came here in the first place, and you use the colored text, an html modification. something tells me that you do understand it.

and to really revel in the insanity:

yeah, i bet you would also tell people they’re fat and ugly so they lose weight. also “20% effective”? i like how she—and i checked, it’s a “she”—forbids people who are into adult diapers and yet she probably hasn’t had hers changed since she first got off the potty. love the use of the word “perceived”, too—why not just say “seen”? and again, if you’re so hell-bent on controlling your own image, why are you here? you can’t control how someone sees you. that’s just life: people will misunderstand you no matter what happens. yet another person so consumed with appearing mature and sexy that she winds up being immature.

i’ve known a fair number of people who were into “tightly knit” groups and they were just like this, too. there was nothing you could do to convince them otherwise, either. they’re misers, caught up in their own echo chamber to the point they no longer think very broadly. i worry, that with the aforementioned circle jerk of posts directed at each other’s mutuals, this will spread to the rest of tumblr. this place will become like this woman here: obsessed with each other’s mutuals until they start telling newbies to gtfo.

moreover, there’s this trend i’ve seen with blogs that have blocked me is that they’re run by very miserable people. there is nothing about them that strikes me as “oh, man, why did you block me? you’re awesome, i wish i could do something to fix things.” i think there was one where i actually thought that (and really, the only reason why it was all so upsetting for me was because it felt as if every time i turned around it was happening. i never saw explanations or anything like that, just angrily worded vague posts. it was upsetting because of the frequency and no one would give me a straight answer).

#and to add insult to injury: she’s an amber heard supporter #the ten people who support her are just as histrionic as her #no surprises at all #text

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

Text

December 23: 1x29 Operation Annihilate!

I’m very tired but at least I’m done with work for the year! Now to...set about furiously writing because I’m behind on like 3 different events, including, most egregiously, Chopped. Woah well. Here are some thoughts on the FINAL EPISODE of TOS season 1.

This ep isn’t messing around with the drama. Very first scene involves chasing a ship that’s flying into the sun.

Sam! I have a lot of Kirk brother feels even though tbqh they’re entirely about a relationship made up in my head. Like, there’s not really a lot of canonical Kirk brothers content, in either TOS or AOS (okay, nothing in AOS...technically...) but in my head it’s like this whole Thing and I’m obsessed.

This is one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy I guess? Looks a lot like generic California to me. Cool architecture though.

I think I missed the explanation of what this planet does lol.

Sam is a research biologist.

His wife has such a weird name that I sometimes think of her as an alien but I guess they are all human. Less interesting lol. She might become an alien in HAICG but probably not.

All the people are in their homes, hiding out. I know this is to save money on extras, and then in-universe I guess because people hide from that which scares them, even when that’s pointless, but all I could think was “they’re self-isolating.”

Kirk and co. go to Sam’s lab to find him, but his whole family is there... do they... live in the lab?

We finally meet Sam...and he’s already dead. So bitter about this.

I remember a specific close up of just Sam’s face where it’s super obvious it’s Shatner with a mustache but this seems subtler... has it been edited, or am I mis-remembering?

Spock doesn’t know what to say. Does he really “understand” lol? He wants to be comforting though.

Guess Aurelan calls him Sam too. Thought that was only Jim.

I remember someone on tumblr pointing out that Jim beams down to the top of the stairs just so he can walk down them dramatically and now I can’t unsee it.

I’ve also heard people make fun of the aliens but I legit think they are alien looking and scary and gross. “It’s not life as we know or understand it.”

Been a while since we saw Christine and here she is.

“Spock’s readings are strange... even for him, which is saying something!”

“If you can’t do this, get another nurse!” What other nurse lol? This whole ship has a medical staff of 2.

“His body’s full of tentacles.” That is legitimately disgusting.

This is a very bad day for Kirk.

Spock’s on the loose, we must catch him--oh how convenient, he is here on the bridge!

Must...pinch... Captain...

“I apologize for that mutiny attempt back there. We’re all good now.” And miraculously, he actually is.

I HAVE MY OWN WILL. LET ME HELP. Interesting phrase there!

The needs of the few do outweigh the needs of the many. He MUST save Spock. And his nephew.

Is Spock, uh, hypnotizing himself? I don’t know if I believe that Vulcans can just stop themselves from feeling any pain.

“I was confined to sick bay. I unconfined myself.” He is really determined to run this errand. This needs to be the attitude I take toward my errands.

Bad ass Scotty. “Captain, your space husband is trying to escape.”

Kirk is so in love. “Your logic, as usual, is inescapable.”

McCoy just wants his patients to stay put.

I love when McCoy just randomly examines people.

“Your affection for Spock.” That’s one way to put it.

I feel like it took them way too long to figure out that the sun produces light. “What are the properties of the sun?” / “It exists.” Starfleet’s finest minds, everyone.

These creatures are sort of...like vampires. In a way.

Cool specs. I want a pair of those (prescription).

“The best first officer in the Fleet!”

“I am also quite blind.” What a drama queen. He knew he was blind already, obviously, he just needed to bump into something and make a big production out of announcing it.

And then literally seconds after blinding Spock, the tests they were ALREADY RUNNING come back and they realize that they never needed to use the blinding light. Like... I appreciate the drama but omg you dumbasses. And you call yourselves men of science. It wasn’t even like they hadn’t thought to do the tests. They were doing them!

Jim’s mad now.

Ew, gross, disintegrating vampire creatures. Clean up is going to suck.

I feel McCoy’s grumpiness about the weird eye thing lol. Unexpected...optic nerve...thing. Except actually it’s the eyelid? Developed to respond to “the brightness of the Vulcan sun”? That Spock just FORGOT he had? Very suspicious. I suspect more manufactured drama.

Uhura’s really enjoying this banter.

YOU FORGOT ABOUT HIS VULCAN EARS.

This whole last scene is so good. If you’re going to go on hiatus for 6 months, this is the way to do it.

I legitimately love this episode. Yes, there were moments when Kirk and friends were kind of dumb: taking forever to think about light (not buying McCoy’s line about how “light isn’t harmful” because first of all, there are nocturnal creatures on Earth so the idea that a living being might not like the sun isn’t weird, and second, even if it WERE weird, these are ALIENS so--think more broadly!); and being so quick to test out the light on Spock (while the results from the first test were still ongoing!) but I’ll forgive them that. Everyone has blind spots. Even very smart people can get caught up and not think about stuff that seems obvious as soon as they realize it. Plus, with the tests on Spock in particular, I can see how the urgency of the situation, the excitement of coming up with a potential solution, Spock’s desire to be free of the pain and also to be Dramatic again, and Kirk’s general commanding presence, might have all combined to lead them to jump the gun.

Also they totally forgot about Peter by the end lol. I mean we assume he got the same light treatment that Spock and the planet did but he’s also an orphan so...where does he go lol?

But other than that, pretty perfect episode! Got some good K/S moments. Some Kirk family stuff, even if it’s not a big element and also probably superfluous given that Spock being injured gives Kirk exactly the same personal stake as a family member being injured does. GREAT alien: I’m always here for any ep that can reasonably sneak in an “it’s not life as we know it” line. I like that they’re one giant organism, but spread out over a great distance; they’re using people for their bodies, to build ships and basically be their colonizers for them; they infect people in a gross and scary way; they’re defeated in an unusual manner. Basically, a great combination of Alien, as in unusual, and frightening.

And it’s a PERFECT triumvirate episode. A lot of focus on all three, and on their strengths. A philosophical problem that puts the difference between Spock (we must destroy the comparatively few to protect the many) and McCoy (we cannot kill that many people for any reason) into stark contrast, and then sets up Kirk as the fulcrum between them (we’re not killing anyone, now or later, just find my a solution--that great combo of optimistic and commanding). Kirk gets a special spotlight appropriate for him as Captain: he has to make these big decisions that could lead to a million deaths, while also thinking about the people important to him. Spock gets a spotlight that emphasizes his Vulcan nature. Mccoy gets a spotlight that emphasizes his role as doctor. They all get to interact together in a way that shows their real affection for each other. There are great moments like them all squashed in the doorway, or when Spock is blinded and Mccoy has to hold Kirk back from helping him TOO much. The banter at the end is easily among the top end-scene bridge dialogues of the season. And it’s a good note to end on because it sets up the importance of the triumvirate going to S2.

I am not going to take a 6 month hiatus lol. Next time, probably next week, not really sure, is Amok Time! Truly a wild choice to start out the season.

#the year 2020 #2020: star trek #2020: fandom thoughts #star trek tos

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nny11writes · 4 years

Note

For the fic writer ask game: What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write? (Feel free to rant :) )

Hahahaha, sorry were you looking for one trope?

I’m usually so positive so now you’ve done it. You’ve unlocked me complaining about random shit that doesn’t usually matter. Because the damn busted wide the fuck open! Okay, so I’m going to approach this as outside of smut fics with intense kinks I can’t stand (vore, foot fetish, scat play, etc), because that’s me getting squicked and/or triggered and not just tropes that I wish would die in a fire.

My only disclaimer up front is that if you love most of these (hopefully it’ll be obvious which ones I will not forgive/excuse you from), that’s awesome! Go for it! Read it, write it, print it out to loving re-read and paste on the walls! Fandom is, in large part, about finding your niche and enjoying what you enjoy pretty much shamelessly. So I’m not passing judgement on anyone who enjoys reading or writing (most of) these.

CW: rape, sexual assault Also I’ve had a shit few days, so if you don’t want to read someone just being negative and bitching this is probably not the post for you friend. But it all below a cut so people can avoid!

Crossover Fics/Rule 50

My main gripe with this is that without fail a series I love get crossed over with a fandom I either don’t care about or hate. Every time I’ve tried to force myself to read one it’s never worked out for me. Sometimes fics aren’t properly tagged and I’m getting into the setting only for other characters from another fandom to suddenly show up and literally I instantly loose interest. The closest I got to writing a crossover fic, was on FF.net where I had all the characters I wrote for “talking to me” when I hit a big wall of writer’s block in the hopes that writing something so different and strange for me would help. It didn’t. It was interesting for 0.2 seconds to wonder how characters would interact, but then I instantly lost interest because I end up leaning so heavily of character tropes to make it work which, for me, isn’t fun to read or write.

Like, just write fusion! I like fusion! I’m currently writing a SPOP-SW fusion! It allows me to play with characters in a fun world that I already understand, but without the frustration of characters becoming more 2D or very OOC (or both) to force them to interact with one another. Rage Fics

Honestly? If you write and post rage fics, fuck you. Full stop. Fuck you.

I’m about to tangent, but I swear it’s related. This is the equivalent of someone tagging a character or ship or fandom they hate in a post bashing them or blasting them to hell and back. Fucking beyond rude and obnoxious. That’s what rage fics are cranked up to 11. You are 100% allowed to hate on fandom/character/ship/trope/whatever the fuck, but when you do that shit you are forcing people who enjoy the media to see/interact with your BS because you fucking tagged it to show up where we are. A great example here in SPOP is Catra. I love her! I understand why some people don’t, and they’re 100% allowed to hate her and resent that so many people like her. Recently I went to the Catra tag to find art and fic, maybe some of the top notch meta this fandom puts out if I was lucky, and got stuck seeing post after post after meta post comparing her to another character in the show to explain why she’s an awful person, badly written character, and anyone who likes her (but didn’t like the poster’s fave) was an idiot/asshole/troll/bitch/dumbass and you know what? I went from having a decent time decompressing after a shitty day at work to getting fucking sent around the sun with stress. Like, bro, I’m here to ENJOY myself thanks, and when you tag things I go to for fun and fluff when I’m out of spoons and ready to snap to ranting about hating it, you make me want to scream.

Y’all don’t know how many people are lucky that I write up responses in word so I can get it out of my system and then just DELETE the whole fucking thing. Rage fic is that same fucking set up, but instead of being a relatively quick post (where I can block the poster here on tumblr), it’s a fanfic that people are going to continue to click into over and over and over again for fun only to get body slammed. There’s no way to warn people on AO3 if something is a rage fic beyond not leaving a kudos and dropping a comment. I don’t know a lot of people who read comments first so it doesn’t always work.

If you post rage fics, grow up. Stop that shit. Fuck you. Instead, try not purposefully interacting with fandom that makes you so mad that you think doing this is an appropriate reaction. Block tags, block users, regulate comments, go whole fucking hog. You should be able to enjoy fandom too! But if you can’t do that without tearing down other people in fandom then you make me want to beat you over the head until you self-isolate to play by yourself in a different sandbox. Seriously. Fuck you if you do this.

Troll Fics

Did you think I came on strong for rage fics? This is worse.

If you do this? Fuck you. You get NOTHING but my pure rage and if I find this shit I will report you however I can and then shout from the rooftops about it. And I’m sure if you do write troll fics because you enjoy being purposefully offensive and triggering then you’re probably delighted that my reaction to just thinking about this is wishing I had the power to fuck up your life.

Like, the ONLY thing I can say for rage fic is that at least typically the person writing it actually enjoys some aspect of the fandom or fandom in general.

Troll fics are just meant to be offensive on purpose and if you write and post that you’re a bad person. No exceptions. You can make different choices and work to become a better person or a good person, but right now, right this second as you do it? You’re a bad person. You should probably figure out why you get so much joy out of posting things with the sole purpose of hurting/triggering/being cruel to others. And you might need help to do that. I legit think you should reach out to people with different opinions from your own to try and break out of it. Get a therapist. Do fucking something worthwhile, because posting troll fics is not worth anyone’s while. Fuck you. Rape as a Backstory

I hope I don’t have to fucking explain why this makes me want to literally explode. I’m purposefully not writing that as R*pe so that people with rape tagged don’t see this.

If you think that rape is the only way to push your story forward or is a great way to give a character “free and easy trauma”, literally stop. Just. Fucking. Stop. There are other ways. Really look at your work, really think about /why/ it’s so important to you that the character /has/ to be raped. Most of the time the real answer is you don’t have a reason you just chose it because you either don’t care, think it’s not a big deal, or never considered other possibilities. There are stories where rape does need to be included, stories that address the topic kindly and/or tag appropriately for it. I’ve read some of these that were really amazing, both short (<1k) and long (>100k) because the author actually took a hot second to address the topic in an intelligent way. Whether that was to dive into how it’s harmful, address their own trauma, or (honestly) even for the smut porn of it but with all the proper tags on it. If you have it to be purely enjoyed by yourself and/or others with dubcon or noncon kinks, cool, good for you, TAG IT APPROPRIATELY. Fucking bless writers who still use “Dead Dove/Do Not Eat” tags y’all are doing great work. But the vast majority using this trope?

They aren’t that, they aren’t anything like that at all, they aren’t always tagged correctly or at all and that’s by design, it’s often for shock value or a quick ‘well that’s why they’re anti-social’, it’s sometimes used as an excuse for one character to swear off sex until the “right person” comes along to “cure them”, and they shouldn’t have ever been posted.

Redemption Equals Sex/Sexual Karma

I know this is spring boarding a bit, but please stop writing these two tropes.

I’m exhausted y’all. And not just because I’m asexual. This trope is disgusting and usually comes with heaps of sexism, racism, and homophobia. If you want to write smut please just write the fucking smut. I’m literally posting smut fic and am planning to work on another one tonight! JUST WRITE SMUT WITHOUT MAKING IT DISGUSTINGLY ANTI-MINORITY GROUPS AND PLAYING INTO HARMFUL STEREOTYPES. If bad guys become good(ish) guys because a woman saw past their barriers, took care of them, are a surrogate mother, and then had wild and kinky sex with them then it’s a bad fic. Likewise, if a character is punished for having sex, or is sexually assaulted to show that they’re now bad then it’s a bad fic.

If a character’s suffering is rewarded with sex to “cure” them and “make them better” then it’s a bad fic.

There are so many ways that this shit becomes a seriously harmful fic.

Please. Please, stop doing this. I am on my knees. Stop!

I am sick of ‘Draco’s in Leather Pants’ (can’t fucking believe I’m whipping that term out again holy shit what year is it) getting redeemed because they slept with someone and now found a reason to care. Sex leading someone on the path towards redemption is so EXTREMELY rarely handled in a way that’s well done. Just. Don’t. Be an unapologetic villain lover, slap them in an AU where they aren’t a pure villain, but don’t do this. Like I wrote above, I’m also just sick of (usually, but not always) dudes who put rape in to punish (usually, but not always) female characters or to punish weak/pushover characters (usually, but not always males). And equally tired of traumatized characters “casting off their shackles” to enjoy wild and kinky sex because someone with a magic dick/strap/fingers/tongue “showed them it’s okay” and “made it all better”.

Just, don’t. Be a fucking decent human being and don’t.

Character/Reader Fics

I...I really just don’t get this? It’s very uncomfortable to me and I’m assuming that’s due to me being aroace, I can’t read them and if I try to I either become so uncomfortable I stop or so rage filled I stop.

I don’t mind 2nd person stories, but most of the ones I see are character/reader fics and it’s...like, it’s just bad. Not “cringe” just enjoyable for me. I can’t explain why I hate this so much considering I do enjoy some 2nd person fics. Idk, I really don’t have the words to explain why these bother me so much. :\

I ain’t got an alternative, if you like these you like them, and if you don’t you just don’t. Thank you for tagging so I can avoid. Have fun on your own! Song Fics and/or Audio/Sound Cue Fics

Sorry guys, I just hate it. I can’t really read a fic and listen to music at the same time, it becomes background noise 100% and detracts from both for audio cue fics.

Fuck, just realized I don’t know if people know what those are. Audio/Sound cue fics are fics where you’re reading along and all the sudden there’s a link or URL that you’re supposed to follow to help set up the next scene/enhance it. Hate it. Hate, hate, hate. It detracts from your story and makes it weaker while being annoying and breaking me the reader out of my enjoyment of your story. Hate! Telling me in the A/N that this (or these) are the song(s) you listened to while writing, song(s) you based the story on, or even that you think they’re good songs to get you in the mood for the story is totally okay! I’ll probably ignore it unless I went head over heels for it, in which case I WILL go back and listen to all of them. (Why hello Rhythm and Blues, you punched me in the face and I now listen to every song even vaguely mentioned in the story or A/N, you’re that good, it’s so fucking good guys, I can’t stop talking about this fucking series it’s just so good?????????) Song fics are also typically in this boat for me. And I want to be really clear, not fics where a character is singing in the fic with lyrics written out. That doesn’t bother me, that song is now effectively part of the story and draws me in. But if it’s paragraphs of description before suddenly cutting it’s annoying. Why, oh why, do I put up with this misery? Still looking for a reason For now it is a mystery to me Why, oh why, do I put up with this misery? Still looking for a reason But for now it's ancient history to me

So yeah I’m making an example to complain about the example.

But question.

Was that needed?

All I did was make overly explicit my feelings in this text that was already there in what I’d written. Song fics feel to me like writers who aren’t confident that their writing is good/understandable/relatable and so they are desperately throwing someone else’s creation into their own in the hopes the reader will get it. Friend, I promise you, we’ll get it without the song! The song lyrics detract when they’re just floating out there, and have taken goods fics and made them frustrating. Either that or you think you’re so amazing that your shit don’t stink and the rest of us idiots can choke because of your brilliance. I’ve found several song fics that if I copy and paste them into a word document and delete the song out, I really enjoyed the fic itself on it’s own merits in a way I literally couldn’t with the lyrics in there. Again, if you are weaving music into your fic, weave it in. Have characters sing, write the lyrics out as a character is listening to the music, quote the song in your fic (preferably without it being super obvious. I’m not saying my take on that was the best, but I did write a Catradora fic on giftly request based on a song and I 100% used lyrics from it in my prose and built my whole plot around it without breaking out to quote the song explicitly), just do something that’s not, like, punching me in the face because “clearly I couldn’t get it” or from a fear that “they won’t understand”. At best you seem insecure and unsure about your story, which is fantastic without the song. At worst it seems like you’re saying your fic is so beyond the average reader that we would never understand your vision without someone else’s original content in it.

#cw: rape #tw: rape #negativity #fandom #fandom negativity #me actually complaining about shit explicitly #and I still edited it a lot to make it not rage ranty #my anxiety won't let me live if I don't #about the author #tag game #writing game #writer game #fic game #fanfiction game #oh my god Imma post now otherwise I'm going to dive back in and scream A LOT MORE BECAUSE MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM #bobkitten

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blurglesmurfklaine · 4 years

Text

Cornelia Street (8/9)

(+ an interlude i thought of after reading “Reeni”s comment. Idk who you are bc it was a guest comment, but thank you!)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Interlude

QueenJCedes replied to your story!

Kurt bites back a dopey grin when he opens Mercedes’s snapchat message. It’s a photo of her looking dubiously at the camera, a single eyebrow pointed up, with the caption: Quarantine buddies, huh?

He snaps back a quick photo of himself, eyes rolled upwards. What can I say, he won me over.

She sends back just a message this time—

Mercedes: Yeah, clearly. Mercedes: Head over feet, Alanis style!

—and then a bitmoji of Kurt falling through the air.

Kurt: I mean… You’re not wrong Kurt: He’s sort of everything Kurt: AND a fantastic kisser

Mercedes: OMG REALLY? I was just teasing, but if this is legit, I’m so happy for you!!!

He can’t help but giggle excitedly as he types a reply.

Kurt: Yeah. me too.

New Snap from setroutymouth

Blaine rolls his eyes but still can't school the smile on his face into a neutral expression. This is going to be a lot, he already knows, but nevertheless, he swipes his thumb across the screen to unlock his phone.

Sam’s pacing through Mercedes’s childhood home in Ohio, phone in selfie mode, already rambling at a hundred miles a minute that Blaine’s sure he cut off a few words.

“—cedes just showed me Kurt’s snapchat story and I AM LOSING IT! Did something happen between you two? Oh my god, something totally happened, didn’t it!? BLAINE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED MERCEDES WON’T TELL ME AND I ALREADY FINISHED EVERY BINGABLE SHOW ON NETFLI—”

As expected, it was a lot. But still not enough to burst his happy little bubble. He doesn’t think anything could, at this point.

Through his smiles, he snaps back a picture of himself shrugging, trying to look as clueless as possible, and adds the caption: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

It’s not even a full moment before he gets another video back.

“BLAINE ANDERSON I AM BEGGING YOU—”

Blaine locks his phone shut, mostly because he knows it’ll drive Sam crazy. He can respond later. Right now, there are more important matters at hand.

Blaine’s in the kitchen, putting away what was left of the carton of Cookie Two-Step ice cream they’d demolished while watching another Netflix romcom, when Kurt’s phone lights up.

New Message: From: Adam I saw your sc story You know you could just be *my* quarantine buddy When are you coming?

Kurt actually growls as he types out a reply. How did he put up with this for nearly three years?

New Message: To: Adam I’m not.

Kurt. We both know how this ends.

Not this time. I meant it. We’re done.

Okay, whatever you say I’ll check in with you later When you change your mind

Kurt doesn’t even warrant that with a response, he’s too seething mad to even formulate one with enough bite to put Adam in his place.

But then the door opens, Blaine’s beaming at him, and Adam is completely irrelevant.

“I was just thinking,” Blaine muses aloud, slipping under the covers and snuggling up next to him in a way that Kurt knows will be way too easy for him to get used to. “Do you remember our Junior year when we had to partner up during Stagefighting for that Musical Choregraphy project?”

Kurt explodes into laughter. “Uh, yeah, that was pretty ridiculous. I remember hearing from Matthew that you said I dance like a pigeon that’d been chewed up and spit out by a cat.”

“What!?” Blaine exclaims, shocked. “I swear I never said that. Though, I do remember going on a tangent about how I didn’t know how I was supposed to concentrate when you insisted on wearing those pants with that tight fitted shirt and…”

He trails off, and Kurt can feel color rising to his cheeks. “Oh, that explains it, actually.”

“Explains what?”

“Matthew. He had a huge crush on you.”

Blaine’s eyes double in size. “He what!?”

Kurt lets out a chuckle. “You seriously didn’t know?”

“No! Nobody told me!”

“That’s not how crushes work, Blaine,” Kurt says through a stream of giggles.

“Okay, why does it make more sense for me to just take a wild guess about how people feel about me instead of them telling me, or acting on it? Like, if you hadn’t have kissed me earlier, I would have never known how you felt and kissed you back.”

Kurt opens his mouth to argue that logic, but… he seriously cannot get over how oblivious Blaine is. “So you’re saying that if I hadn't accidentally kissed you then you really wouldn’t have known how I feel?”

“Yeah. And I would most definitely not have acted on my crush.”

“Aw,” Kurt teases. “You used to have a crush on me. That’s embarrassing.”

“And you watch too much Parks and Rec.”

“I’m gonna kiss you again, now,” he announces.

Blaine just grins, eyes crinkling at the sides. “I think that’s a great idea.”

There wasn’t much of a choice because of the shelter in place, but based on the bright spark forming in his chest when their skin meets, Kurt could definitely get used to this living situation.

Blaine finally pulls away reluctantly. If he could stay attached to Kurt forever, stay connected to him, he would. He roams his eyes over Kurt’s face, like he could memorize it if he really, really tried, and notices a scar just above his eyebrow. It would be invisible to anyone else, anyone who wasn’t trying to intentionally map out the image of Kurt.

The scar doesn’t bother Blaine, but the idea that someone ever hurt Kurt bad enough to leave physical evidence that refuses to leave tugs achingly at his heart. Instinctively, he takes his hand from where it rests on the side of Kurt’s face, and gently traces over the scar with the pad of his index finger soothingly, as if it hasn’t been healed for years.

“Sophomore year… two years ago,” Kurt’s murmuring refocuses his attention.

That was a hazy time for Blaine, but he does have a vague memory of hearing from a friend of a friend that Kurt spent some time in the hospital, and he definitely remembers his rival-slash-partner being missing from their stage acting class for a while.

“What happened?” He asks.

Kurt is so calm, so steady when he answers. It leaves him in awe. “It was when all those gay bashings were happening…” he pauses, and Blaine immediately feels sick to his stomach because he knows where this is heading. “I was on my way home from school and saw these guys attacking some teenager, and… I had to help. I ran over and started shoving them, I guess. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but the kid got away. I didn’t. The last thing I remember after that was what I think might’ve been a brick hitting my head.”

“Jesus,” Blaine breathes. His initial reaction is to say I’m sorry, but something tells him that Kurt isn’t sorry about it at all. Instead, he says, “I had no idea. That–that was really brave of you.”

Kurt snorts out a laugh. “I’m glad you think so. I spent most of my hospital stay being berated by my dad about how irresponsible it was.”

“No,” Blaine shakes his head. “If anything it was over-responsible.”

“I’m not convinced that’s a word.”

“Me neither,” Blaine says breathlessly, amber gaze fixed on the boy lying across from him.

He really just can’t help but pull them together again.

Blaine thinks Kurt is opening his mouth to deepen the kiss and, well, he’s certainly not going to complain. Until Kurt sucks in a deep breath and turns his head, chuckling through his yawn.

“Sorry, I really thought I could hold that yawn in.”

Blaine lets out a laugh of his own and glances over at the analog clock on the nightstand. “It’s only midnight, you grandpa,” he teases.

“Hey! Doing nothing all day is seriously draining.”

“I wouldn’t call what we did nothing,” Blaine says cheekily, causing Kurt to flush.

“I’m going to shower before I head to bed,” Kurt responds, sitting up and lifting his arms up over his head and exposing an inch or so of his midriff.

Blaine is trying so hard not to stare. Nevertheless, he can’t help it as he watches Kurt saunter off to the restroom.

He tosses his head back onto the pillow with a satisfied grin on his face. Global crisis it may be, but if he got Kurt Hummel out of it… he could complain about worse things.

A bright ding from his right interrupts his thoughts. Blaine turns his head and sees the screen of Kurt’s phone light up, resting there on the nightstand.

He’s not snooping. He’s really not. It’s just sort of instinct to look in the direction of the sounds.

Then, he sees the succession of messages that make his stomach churn.

New Message: From: Adam Hurry and finish up with the rebound already I miss you Text me when you’re on your way

He stares at the screen for a few seconds before it fades back to black, feeling absolutely sick to his stomach. Of course Kurt was going to run back to his ex the first chance he got. It’s exactly what he did three years ago and Blaine was just kidding himself. This was all too good to be true.

Turns out it wasn’t.

Before he knows it, he’s grabbing his duffel bag and dialing Quinn’s number.

He’s always welcomed there and New Haven isn’t all that far, after all.

Part 9

#klaine #glee #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #klaine fanfiction #wow look at me im writing!#cornelia street

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dxitydoo · 4 years

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So... the iPhone SE...

Alright this one is gonna be a long one so scroll on past if you’re not interested. If you are, then buckle up because here’s a multi-part essay about my opinions on the new SE.

For anyone that saw my post about getting a new phone and wondered what phone I got, I got the new iPhone SE (yes, I’m an Apple person. Don’t come for me).

At first, I was seeing videos of people getting excited over the phone but now, as time has gone on, those same people are now making videos criticising the phone.

Admittedly, they have some good points to bring up. The battery of the new SE is not amazing. It doesn’t outlast my dad’s XR which is somewhat annoying to say the least.

My counter-argument to that is that it lasted a whole day of me playing games on full brightness in the sunlight and didn’t die on me once which is honestly incredible after the last phone i had but anywho we’ll discuss this later.

My problem with a lot of those videos is that I feel like they’re getting the wrong end of the stick about what the SE is trying to be and they’re comparing it to the wrong phones.

The Original SE

The original SE’s main selling point (seriously why did Apple name them like this this is confusing) was that it had the newer internals of the 6S (so the faster processor, the better camera, etc) in the smaller body of the older 5S.

That was why I, and a lot of others I’m sure, liked it. Because it was a newer phone but in a size I preferred.

It also didn’t break the bank.

The old SE was praised for combining new and old in a way that complimented the old form-factor and rejuvenated in while also allowing people to access the newer features that were coming out in updates. At the time of writing this (27/04/2020), the old SE still supports new iOS updates and runs iOS 13 with minimal hiccups (not counting the fact that iOS 13 isn’t the most bug-free of updates).

But now, in 2020, the new SE is released and people are criticising it for the same thing they praised it for back in the day. They’re complaining that it has Touch ID, that it doesn’t have a edge-to-edge display, that it’s small, that the battery isn’t good, that the camera doesn’t stack up.

Look.

Everyone is free to have their own opinion. If you don’t like the SE, that’s fine. You don’t have to. No one is forcing you to. Just keep scrolling coz I do like the SE and I’m about to defend it til I run out of breath.

The “Old” Body

The SE combines old and new. That’s it’s schtick, that’s its gimmick. It was the thing for the 2016 SE, its the same for the 2020 SE. Although I would’ve loved to see an SE with an edge-to-edge display like any of the X or the 11 range, I’m not super surprised it hasn’t happened.

In fact, the small changes they have made, such as all colours now coming with a black bevel (and the better colour matching between the bevel and the screen), make it look really high-quality and beautiful honestly.

It has the same body as the 6, yes, but it doesn’t look like the 6 because of that colour-matching. And I appreciate that.

Oh! And the back being the non-metallic colour? God that’s sexy. The back is more reminiscent of the 11 (or the XR, I suppose, depending on what colour you got) than the 6 or 7. So it’s not unchanged?

Touch ID and Haptic Touch

Again, a controversial topic. The Touch ID in the SE is like the 3rd Gen or something?? I don’t actually know. But it’s several generations in at this point and it shows.

I came from the original SE, which had one of the first ever generations of Touch ID (if not the first) and the speed with which this new phone unlocks is incredible compared to the older model.

I tap the button once and the phone unlocks instantly. That is it.

Maybe it’s cumbersome to have Touch ID back again after all this time but if you’ve come from a Touch ID phone, especially one of the older models (which really... I think that’s probably the intended audience), it’s a big improvement.

And look no further for someone who was viscerally against the fake button Haptic Touch thing.

I hated the idea of it. My view was I either wanted the real button or no button at all. Full stop. End of story. You’d never change my mind.

Yeah... the new SE changed my mind.

I have the haptics turned up to the highest setting and it actually feels like a real button. Its less spongy than a real button, of course, and feels stiffer (kinda? Maybe just shallower) but its actually a really satisfying feature.

I remember first trying the fake button on the 7 and it vibrated at the wrong time or you’d try to press it to do one thing and it’d do another. It was confusing and made it very difficult to use.

I will say now I haven’t actually tried using an 8 so I can’t pass judgement on that but i like the SE.

And the Haptic Touch is really really nice.

I never thought I’d have a phone that has built-in rumble when playing games but here we are. This is the future.

Aside from being kinda nifty to feel the vibration in your hands when something happens on-screen, the Haptic Touch vibrates under your finger when interacting with the rotating dials to set timers or reblogging posts on tumblr. It’s a weird experience but not an unpleasant one and I like it way more than I was expecting to.

The Small Size

As for the size?

I really like it.

It’s big enough that it feels like a step-up from my old phone but not so big that I’m struggling to hold it (*cough cough* the XR *cough cough*).

Okay so my touch-typing is suffering a wee bit at the moment but tbh I started to struggle on my old phone before I upgraded coz the screen was just a little too small so it’s more a me thing than an it thing. I’m sure I’ll get used to it.

The camera.

I feel the need to mention that my last phone was the 2016 SE so, maybe it’s because my standards are really low, or maybe I’ve never owned an 11 and, therefore, have no comparison for it that way? But I don’t think the camera is bad.

In fact, I would even go so far as to say the camera is really fricking good.

After using a phone with a front-facing camera that could barely shoot 480p, stepping up to 1080p on the front is Wild™. The difference between this new camera and the old one is incredible.

If you want a camera that shoots good quality photos, has good colour balance, can actually show the sky as blue when shooting through a window (yes this is how low my expectations are), then omg this phone is incredible.

Obviously, its never gonna beat the 11 with its two cameras and its not gonna be able to contend with the 11 Pro series with their three cameras but hey, the phone is like half the price so??

The Battery

Okay, so lets talk about the battery.

I know this is a bit of a sore spot with people because iPhones recently have been coming out with bigger and better batteries every year.

I did a quick check through and, according to Apple, the battery life is about the same as both the 7 and the 8, which makes sense as they all share the same body. Unfortunately, that means that its probably a size issue. As in, thats the longest a battery of that size can last in a phone. Which is kinda annoying.

But, this is a post about my experience with the SE and I haven’t ever owned a 7 or an 8. My mum owned a 7 and the battery on that was god-awful and I’ve had a much better experience with my SE than she did.

First of all: some context.

Again, a friendly reminder my last phone was a four year old SE. It was a 64GB one as well, so you know I’m being legit (they stopped selling the 64GB (in the UK at least) about a year after the phone’s initial release).

So the battery on my old phone was absolutely fine. At first. As time went on and the phone got older, it did, unfortunately, begin to struggle.

As a reference, a few months before I replaced it (given lockdown doesn’t give the most accurate overview of what it was like to use on a day-to-day basis), it wouldn’t make it through a day at school without dying at least once, sometimes twice.

I had to carry a portable charger with me everywhere I went.

I left my house when it was on 100% and, by the time I got to school after an hour on the bus, it would be on 60-70% on a good day.

Letting your battery die everyday is really not good for it but, try as I might, I couldn’t stop it from happening.

I tell you this to let you know that my criteria for a good battery is literally just “lasts me through the day”.

I’ve had my new phone for about three days now and it hasn’t died on me once.

I played games on it in bright sunlight with the phone on full brightness for several hours straight yesterday and yet it still lasted me through the day and then some. After being off charge for 11 hours, it just about hit 20% before I put it on charge.

Today, I was on social media: tumblr, instagram, youtube, for the majority of today. Both tumblr and instagram had an uncanny ability to completely decimate the battery life of my old phone. They could reduce it from 50% to 40% after 5 minutes. But, again, no problemo for my new phone.

It got to about 50% today before I put it back on charge to go have dinner.

I’d say that lasts through the day quite nicely.

Especially given it’s getting a lot more use than it would normally because a) I’m stuck inside with nothing to do and b) shiny new phone!!!

But I digress.

So, Why Does The SE Exist?

I’m gonna be real. I don’t think the iPhone SE (2020) is trying to be anything fancy. It’s not trying to be the next iPhone 11, it’s not trying to replace the XR. If anything, it’s replacing the 8.

I don’t think the SE is a bad phone. It does everything it says it does and it does it well.

I think the YouTube reviewers have it slightly wrong. I don’t think they should be comparing the SE to the 11 or the XR because, realistically, the people who own those phones aren’t gonna be buying the SE for themselves.

The people who are gonna be buying the SE are the people who have the 5s or the old SE or the 6s or even maybe the 7. (I’m not sure how noticeable the jump would be from 8 to SE, given they have very similar specs).

They’re the kind of people who want a new phone but don’t have the money to go for the more expensive XR or 11 range.

Or maybe they don’t want a giant phone because idk bout you but I have small hands and the XR is both large and heavy and that’s not practical. Plus, the XR with women’s jeans? Really? Not happening.

So, while I understand why reviewers are comparing the SE to the 11s or the XR—because the SE has the internals of those two and is closer to them in terms of release date—I don’t think it’s actually realistic.

TL;DR

YouTube reviewers are comparing the SE to the recent phones when they should be comparing it to the older ones, which is the more likely transition. The iPhone SE has a lot more going for it than people say and I really like it.

#long post #iphone SE #the new iphone #i have opinions #kinda a rant #apple #ios #apple ain’t perfect but the iphone SE is a decent phone #funny how i made that same argument bout the 2016 SE too #huh #makes ya think

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ot3 · 5 years

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Sorry for my late reply, tumblr never notifies me. I couldn’t agree more with what you said. I think videos game have an amazing capacity for all kinds of expression. Something that stood out to me from the video was noting how Pathologic doesn’t rely on Skinner box mechanics. Pathologic works so well, IMO, because it’s entirely player-motivated. Through it’s mechanics and story it invites players to keep going and doing unpleasant things. (1/2)

I think if more games marry mechanics with their story, rather than have a sharp divide between them, we would see more games do what Pathologic does, to a lesser degree probs. Games like Lisa and to a small degree Undertale do a good job of blending the two aspects. I’ve been following your blog for a while so it’s just cool to me that you’re into this and have some great opinions on the topic. Sorry if I’m bothering you with this lmao. Have a good one! (2/2)

You’re not bothering me at all i LOVE talking about this kind of thing, feel free to send me any sort of Discussion about storytelling, art, or games.

I think you make a fantastic point about player motivation! This ties in a bit to what I said in my original response which im linking here for anyone who might be trying to read this without context. I absolutely can’t remember where I saw this - I’ve been watching a lot of game related youtube videos out of late, but someone was talking about what makes a game Engaging. I think it might have been gamemakers toolkit?

Anyway, they made a point about intrinsic value in a game, where you’re not playing it for any ‘reward’ at the end (whether that be grinding for lootboxes, or levels, or achievements, etc) and the incentive is wholly just the experience of the game. And I think that’s so important! In a sense you could say that pathologic doesn’t have the intrinsic value because you’re just suffering through it for the reward of the story, but I don’t think that’s the case because that suffering is part of the story.

I haven’t played lisa and i don’t know a thing about it, actually, but its on sale right now so i’m legit about to go buy it.

Undertale’s also another great example. It’s combat mechanics and the way the game is SIGNIFICANTLY harder if you don’t wan’t to kill anyone I think blend super well with the message the game is trying to send. I think it’s a super careful balance to strike.

Like, I’m gonna go off track here for a minute and talk about breath of the wild which is probably the most fun I’ve ever had with a game. Obviously the story is, at best, fun. It’s pretty basic and most of the depth in it comes from the things you end up projecting onto it, which is completely fine. The plot in BOTW comes secondary to the fun you’re supposed to have in the world. In my first BOTW save I just ran around getting apples for weeks until i had capped out my apple storage at 999. And then i baked all of them. I just sat there dumping one thousand apples into the fire just for the sake of having a thousand baked apples and nothing more. But in many ways the robustness of BOTW’s physics and how the world feels so real makes the story feel that much weaker in comparison because the simplicity of the story is almost discordant with how complete the world feels. Imagine how much impact it could have had if they had found a way to conceptually marry the two.

I think death mechanics in story games in particular are an interesting thing to look at, because whether or not the threat of death feels heavy very much effects the way a story will feel. Like in undertale, death isn’t that bad. It’s fine, you just go to your next save - but the fact that you are able to do this is a significant part of the real story and is canonically addressed and contextualized. Then there’s, on the other end of the spectrum, Pathologic, where character death is the main threat hanging over your head the whole time. The mechanics of dying, how you need to keep track of hunger, exhaustion, health, etc. tie directly into the feeling of ‘this isn’t a game, i’m not a main character, i’m just a person in a bad situation’ that the game attempts to create.

Hollow knight is another interesting look at this: when you die in Hollow Knight you get sent back to your last save, you lose any money you were holding, and you lose some of your potential to heal/do magic, represented by the container that stores your ‘soul’, a type of energy you gain, being shattered. You also leave behind a shade; a ghostly shadow of yourself that you need to track down and defeat to regain your money. As a death mechanic, people have different opinions about this and how it relates to the exploration aspects of the game, but regardless of how it fits into the gameplay flow it has a place in the story flow. As you progress through the game and learn more about your character, the knight, and their origins, this mechanic actually begins to not only make sense but reveal a lot about the world of hollow knight in general.

Video games are a unique medium and still relatively new and finding their footing but I truly believe that the ability to marry mechanics and story will elevate narrative in a way you can’t get in any other format. it’s so cool. Stories that you have to engage with to truly experience! Art that you have to genuinely commit to to experience! The potentials are LIMITLESS.

#vibeo game . . . .#im explaining hollow knight because #maybe youve played it #but im sure someone who might be reading this hasnt #THIS IS LONG IM SORRY #I'M JUST PASSONATE #dot-tired

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smol-sunnie · 5 years

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aaaaaaaAAAaaAAAAhhhhHh thank you @anasuisprisonwife for tagging me and anyone else who may have i’m usually mobile and the notification system on mobile fucking sucks

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better!

Name? sunnie!

Birth year? 1990

Sign? libra/horse

Height? 5'1" :')

Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs:

5 AM - SALM ft. K. Flay

Rillo Talk - Wild Child

Sun Comes Up - The Used

My My - Menomena

Grab the nearest book, turn to page 23, what’s the 17th line?

it doesn't have a 17th line (half taken up by a picture) so here, have a paragraph: "There are two main agate genesis theories. One suggests that agates formed from the inflow of mineral-rich aqueous solutions into empty vesicle pockets. This theory will be discussed first. The second is the silica gel theory, which suggests that agates formed from silica gel clumps in molten lava." (you guessed it: a book about agates. side note i have a tumblr for reblogging rocks here)

Ever had a song or a poem written about you?

yeah, sort of. i mean my ex would write lil freeform things about me back when we first started dating and he wasn't such a jackass.

When was the last time you played air guitar?

shoot it was last week at therapy when i was telling my therapist how plucking a ukulele string on the board makes it sound slightly different than plucking it over the hole in the body

Celebrity Crush(es)?

don't really get them but tessa thompson and janelle monae are something else lemme tell you… like i just think they're super pretty. idris elba is also mmmmmm he hansom,,,, but beyond just thinking they're neat i don't have a legit crush

What’s a sound you hate/love?

i love thunderstorms aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Do you believe in ghosts?

i mean… i dunno?? i used to hunt ghosts for funsies and i think it'd be pretty dope. i keep joking about wanting to haunt a rich person's house when i die and live my best afterlife, maybe fuck with em and make em paranoid by like… harmless haunting shenanigans.

Do you believe in aliens?

hell yeuh, the universe is far too big for us to be alone

Do you drive?

yes and oh my god I LOVE MY CAR. she's a 2016 blue honda fit and her name is andromeda or andy for short.

Last book you read?

the book of mythicality

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i'm kind of neutral on it, i think?

The last movie you saw?

kUnG fU hUsTlE bAbEyYyYyYyY (i love martial arts films in general but kung fu hustle is just my shit)

Do you have any obsessions rn?

jjba (if you can’t tell), rocks and minerals have been an obsession since i was like 3 or 4 (i have a box from when i collected rocks but i spelled it ‘rooks’ if that says anything... lil babby mineralogist wannabe).... uhhhhmhgn that’s basically it?

Do you tend to hold grudges?

not really, i don’t think.

Are you in a relationship?

of sorts. we are absolutely into each other and we call each other lover but we're in completely different states right now which sucks. we get by with texting and the occasional discord call (one of which lasted 7 hours but felt like it was over in an instant gfjdkshg) i just like… really like them a lot and they make me really happy. it's nice to have someone who treats me like an equal and a human while also operating on the same chaotic wavelength that i do

ANNNND at this point i have no clue who has been tagged and who hasn’t so if you haven’t done this and you want to fucking go NUTS go CRAZY go StUPID

#about me #sunnie speaks

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longeyelashedtragedy · 4 years

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this has been the most wild fuckin year so let’s do a Year in Review shall we

in terms of internet and fandom life, that is. my real life has been atrociously boring but who cares about real life amirite folx

january probably the only calm month of the year. i spent the first day of the month watching the brazilian inauguration in burgos, spain with one headphone in, while ordering for my family in a restaurant where nobody spoke english (my sister speaks decent spanish, but my whole family has like 8194814 food restrictions so it kind of went past her level of ability). translating between spanish and english with portuguese in one year was kind of awesome. i watched bodyguard and it was amazing! what else...in january i briefly owned the issue of spanish GQ with Luka on the cover which i then forgot about until november. other than that...? nada. the calm before the storm. (fav music)

february was so long ago that i keep forgetting how insane its 28 days were. probably the wildest month of the year really. i got involved in an absolutely batshit and exclusive group chat with a famous person’s family member (which must remain confidential). it was all sunshine and rainbows for a week and a half and it then devolved into the most absolutely insane Lord of the Flies situation ever--it turned into 1 main chat and then 1 chat that was less puritanical than the main chat, and that chat spawned another chat that didn’t trust the previous chat, and then that chat had a massive argument and a like 6-person bitchy chat modded by a gay guy who does voodoo (shoutout to ALCIDES) spawned from that one. i made it into every level of group chat and was asked by the tiny bitchy chat to spy on the other bitchy chat (i did not lol). i was a member of the tiny bitchy chat until i got a new phone and was logged out of whatsapp for like a month. these words can’t even convey what this chat was like--oh and did i mention it was all conducted in only my 3rd-best language? it’s no wonder my weird ass survived middle school almost entirely unscathed. as this was winding down, on the very last day of the month, I found out about Justin’s involvement in the SNC-Lavalin scandal and decided to go public about my years-long boner for him; Lavscam definitely changed the course of the rest year ~ Oh, also i began helping to repair a friendship that had had some Drama go down so that was p cool ~ (fav music)

march was a Time. The insanity of lavscam helped me finally finish the macdeau I started writing the previous December when a bunch of tungelr people called me disgusting for writing it. i wrote my first straight-up serious explicit porn in years which has wound up being the third-longest thing i’ve ever published on ao3. Also, Hozier released Wasteland, Baby! which made a huge impact on me as well. i spent like half of march staying up till 3:30 am writing said Long Fic, and i was firmly in the closet about stanning manu. also justin almost got a vote of no confidence or something and he got busted for eating a chocolate bar during a parliamentary all-nighter. (fav music)

in april i wrote a ton of fanfic thanks to declining mental health(tm). i think this is when i started my emmanuyell insta account and became really into making weird edits (which i still love doing just...don’t anymore.) i started meeting some cool people thanks to macdeau. what else happened in april? i feel like it wasn’t actually too eventful other than writing a lot of fanfic and being Annoyed about manu.�� feel free to jog my memory lol. oh i think i wrote “Okay so who from the French national team are we gonna ship Manu with” on twitter after seeing photos of manu + antoine griezmann at the World Cup but nothing came of that...at that time... (fav music)

may saw me having to deal with my shit mental health and up my meds but that seems to have had a good effect because i seem to not be too depressed to write in the winter/fall anymore! it was the 2nd anniversary of manu’s election and at the Christchurch Call in paris, macdeau took that amazing fairytale princess photo together that was completely unrivalled in Gay Shippy Feels moments until ivan went out of his way to kiss luka during the el clásico gameplay last wednesday. someone wrote ao3′s first griezmanu drabble and at the end manu gets down on his knees in front of antoine, takes off his shoes for him, and sucks his dick, and i achieved another state of being entirely. my sister graduated from grad school and when we went down to DC for the weekend i went to eat at this restaurant manu famously ate at while there and ordered the same stuff he did and i have no idea how he consumed all that grease. i learned about the song O Come, O Come, Emmanuel *snort*. i feel like other things happened in may too? OH YES--i got the idea for my magnum opus, Trophy Boyfriend, and started to write it. the first scene i wrote was justin blowing manu in the hallway. then the same day i wrote the scene at the airport (which was the ending for a solid month and half till i realized it shouldn’t be), and the saddest scene in the fic--but we’ll stop to open presents. oh! and i stumbled across the macronists discord chat which is such a delightful little community *weepy sniffles* (fav music)

june was Eventful. a french neonazi on tumblr told me to go let manu fuck me in the ass because i was a fucking degenerate. what a start! then came the ceremony in which manu awarded everyone on the french national team the legion of honor medal and the way he and antoine looked at each other was truly...Wait it was the 3rd Gay Shippy Feels moment of the year. as soon as the ceremony was over i wrote a fic about it and haven’t looked back. between this + watching almost every 2018 World Cup game and the women’s world cup (during which I cried during argentina’s last game because of that miraculous penalty) i finally achieved my years-long goal of getting into Futbol(TM). Antoine dropped his spotify playlist and my crush on him turned into Intense Love (TM) and also he introduced me to some legit awesome artists. which led to (fav music)

july, in which i wrote “ça c’est ma dope” which is definitely the best thing i’ve written since i wrote “modernity towering in front of the sky” almost exactly 10 years before. got embroiled in Soccer Transfer Drama and learned its pain for the first time (unfortunately, since i wound up attaching my heart-wagon to barça’s Suddenly Least Favorite Player, the transfer drama pain has...never ended) became a full-fledged culé, O the joy O the honor. i wanted to ship antoine with someone on the team, which in their current chemistry-less season is a real challenge, but after seeing a few photos i decided it would be fun to casually ship antoine + ivan rakitic (partially because, ever since i went from Enemies to Lovers with the croatia NT during the World Cup, he was one of the only players i knew anything about other than messi, suárez, and piqué lmao). while looking on ao3 to see what kind of headcanons people had about him--and the fic is definitely in general better than what’s out there about antoine, which is perplexing because antoine is much easier to write than ivan--i found That Amazing Rakidric Fic and thought “oh wait that ship makes a lot of sense” and started also shipping ivan and luka with the fire of a thousand suns. oh and my air conditioner was broken for like 3 weeks. i worked on more fics, seriously outlining the path of Trophy Boyfriend, and my music taste was killer. (fav music)

in august i finished Trophy Boyfriend in my neighborhood Starbucks after writing the scene that was giving me the most trouble (the scene at the beginning where they’re organizing their book collection). the fic has made multiple people cry and people disagree on whether justin’s choice at the end was the right one and god i’m so proud of it. Instantly went on to write ‘i might not mind,’ a lively lighthearted Friends to Lovers ivantoine~ romp which was definitely going to be a one-off and i was definitely not going to get an extra celeb crush out of it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (fav music)

in september ivantoine became A Thing in my mind and it’s a whole ongoing slow-burn character-arcy series that has taken a very different turn than i had expected. i’m not saying it’s like, the most deep writing of all time, but it’s gone to some interesting places emotionally. honestly, ships and boners aside, the concept of a person who made some really stupid homophobia 101 comments many years ago slowly realizing over and over again that they have gay feelings for a man who seems rather comfortable with gayness is a fascinating one and one that’s really cool to explore in writing. Or at least, i think so. in many ways ivan is my most unreliable narrator because of the many layers of Discomfort, Emotion and Repression at play in the fic while he’s interacting with this pretty cheery and uncomplicated seeming-dude who’s still perceptive enough to sort of know what’s going on (and that’s not even adding in the star player/falling from grace former rockstar dynamic!!!) i know in the current climate it’s Not Allowed to write about someone who said a bad, but luckily i’m too old to give a Fuck. ivantoine is hard to write but it’s my bff’s favorite ship of mine and has a few other excited fans on ao3 which tbh is kind of an accomplishment considering i made it up out of thin air and it’s not something you’d ever think would be a thing. instantly also developed ‘getting called out about ivan by a child on the internet’ as a goal. and...i achieved my dream of leading high holiday services!!! (fav music)

october had more high holiday services and i worked a lot on certain fics (including d*janfic which would be fun to finish). i came up with the idea of a Very Long Rakidric Fic based on the translation of a gorgeous croatian folk song i sang in college (Janko fell asleep under the poplar/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/Under the poplar's golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/I tore off the golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me--in which the golden branch is a reference to a way to get into the underworld). decided to start quarter-assedly learning croatian for fun. Fun...ha. other than fangirling a lot and watching the croatian NT play, october was pretty uneventful? i think? Justin got reelected and mauricio didn’t ;( (fav music)

in november i finally achieved my dream of having a literal child on the internet call me out about being attracted to a homophobe. (they were a madridista even!) accidentally started writing some more rakidric and now i’m seriously hooked. also accidentally came out of the closet about the secret crush i’d been harboring on luka modric and then one fateful day in the ihop on 14th st i realized i’d had this crush already and repressed it from my memory. Don’t do that kids! now it’s Hurting Really Bad. Ivan dropped the most pathetic and candid interview like...ever and i hope “¿Cómo puede disfrutar uno? Jugando al fútbol. ¿Cómo se siente mi hija pequeña cuando le quitan un juguete? Triste. Yo me siento igual. Me han quitado la pelota, me siento triste” goes down in the history of most epic futbol quotes of all time. (still haven’t actually been able to watch this because no one has uploaded it anywhere) What else...............Am i forgetting anything? i celebrated my birthday with @tender-vittles in epic fashion after two years of Not doing that, and turned 32 going on 15. enjoyed my first-ever “x reader” fic (zlatko dalic x reader LOL) and finished “drive your plow over the bones of the dead” which was real fucking good. i saw hozier live and it was a religious experience and i unexpectedly cried during nina cried power and then called myself “Luka B” when ordering at the classy taco bell across the street after getting a glimpse of alexxx ryan in the flesh. (fav music)

now it’s december and my seasonal depression is a little worse than it’s been the past few years but i’m managing. still shipping and writing and i just got called out about ivan again last week. i’m 2 for 2 here! el clásico was boring but also it was gay and my heart my heart my heart ! Anything could happen in the last 10 days of this year and honestly...I’m pretty sure I’m ready.

Most importantly this year, despite it being not that great in a lot of ways, I developed a lot more self confidence, made many important realizations, and became a lot more peaceful (despite how this post makes me sound) and wiser and less bitter and pessimistic. And i became outspoken enough about antisemitism on the left to lose friends over it...3 for 3. i can’t say i’m displeased with these developments.

Hasta 2020! <3

#about me #originals #GPOY #2k19 you were...wow #17 #there are def awkward omitted words here i apologize

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fycarmensandiego · 5 years

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My thoughts on the new show

It’s not really a proper review because how would I even do that, so here are my various thoughts, somewhat collected! (This is long as hell, fair warning.)

General thoughts:

Le Chevre and El Topo are definitely a couple. I’m so glad other people in the tag are seeing this too. My first inkling was when they were hugging each other after graduating, but it was Carmen’s comment that they only ever work together that really got me like “oh they’re gay.”

Speaking of gays, Dash Haber (Countess Cleo’s courier) is one. His voice is so gay-coded, I knew this one immediately. Not crazy about him being an antagonist (even among antagonists), but he amused me, so he’s good.

Even if they have the same names, these are different characters. The exceptions here being Carmen, the Chief, and possibly Julia. This isn’t a Tomb Raider: Legend case of putting characters in different situations and slightly changing their personalities, or even a Tomb Raider 2013 case of radically changing their personalities to coincide with their new paradigms. Chase, Zack, Ivy, and the rest are really entirely new characters that simply share their names with past characters. It’s almost as if the names are references to the past shows and games than ties to those characters.

For the most part, they even have different designs. Zack is certainly the most radical change, but even the most similar have some changes. Prof. Maelstrom isn’t nearly as stocky as his namesake, and while Dr. Saira Bellum has wild hair like Dr. Sara Bellum, it’s a strange shape as well as a strange color, and her skin is darker.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened in the franchise, either. Minnie Series from Where on Earth is apparently a totally different character from Minnie Series from the original Where in Time game. Adventures in Math changed a lot of the characters’ designs and backstories: some, like Jacqueline Hyde, still had the same core, but others, like Jane Reaction, are so different they have to be considered different characters. And then there are all the different iterations of the Chief: old white guy, middle-aged white guy, middle-aged Black gal, hologram, presumably white guy shrouded in mystery...

I will say that as a result of this, I was disappointed with Zack and Ivy. Not because this Zack and Ivy are bad characters, but because Where on Earth Zack and Ivy are my favorite characters in the franchise after Carmen, and I was looking forward to getting to see them, or at least characters resembling them, again. But, it is what it is.

I get the Kim Possible comparisons, but they’re not where I’d jump first. There are similarities: both are action shows with deliciously OTT villains (though the VILE gang wish they were as effortlessly iconic as Drakken, Shego, and Señor Senior, Sr. and Jr.) and similar art styles, and Player/Wade is a fair comparison. But I have to say I’d never have thought of that comparison if I hadn’t seen it here on Tumblr, perhaps because KP was rooted in Kim and Ron’s daily lives (Sailor Moon-style), whereas CS is rooted in its overarching plot (Chuck-style).

I do agree with another comparison: Coach Brunt and Countess Cleo, and Eartha Brute and the Contessa. I saw a post in the tag earlier today that brought this up, and while I hadn’t thought of it - probably because the Where in the World show is one of the parts of canon I’m least familiar with - it seems legit to me. I had wondered why these two were seemingly born out of nowhere, when the other three had their names and likenesses drawn from Where on Earth characters. (Shadowsan seems to me to be based on Suhara’s design and, to some extent, personality, with Shadow Hawkins’ name.) The specific theory that post espouses, that it’s a legal issue, seems possible to me. Although the World villains did appear in other Carmen media, I know WGBH and WQED own the copyright to the show, though they licensed the franchise from Brøderbund. So I have no idea what the legal tangle is behind that show, and I imagine it’s very complicated.

Speaking of WGBH: I wonder if Zack and Ivy being from Boston is an incredibly subtle reference to its location there.

I have mixed feelings about the art style. It is great in still shots, but I found it a little hard to watch as animation for very long.

I don’t ship anything – yet. Julia’s clarification of “travel partner” is certainly ripe for shippy implications, but for me there’s really not much on a personality level to ship her and Carmen at this point. (Likewise Carmen and Ivy, or Carmen and Zack.) I could definitely get behind Julia having a crush on Carmen, the way I feel OG!Jules certainly does.

As to Gray... he was plainly asking Carmen out / hitting on her when he gave her his card. But even on the way to the date, she insisted she saw him as an older brother figure. Like with Julia, I could potentially get behind it in future, but I’d have to see it developed further. There’s also the matter of him trying to kill Carmen, which I’m not crazy about... Carmen’s forgiven him since he was under orders from VILE, and his mind-erase courtesy of Dr. Bellum has given him a fresh start, but it didn’t change who he fundamentally is as a person, and that person made the decision to join VILE and ultimately to agree to kill Carmen. But I’m not totally anti-Carmen/Gray at this point.

(In re Carmen’s sexuality: I have always felt strongly that all of Carmen’s previous incarnations were ace/aro, but this Carmen? The sapphics have claimed her, and I’m here for it. I’m fine with her being gay, bi, or pan. I’m fine with her being acespec and/or arospec, or not.)

I was surprised by the violence. Scenes of literal attempted murder would never have made it in previous shows or games! In fact, a lot of the melee combat wouldn’t have. The franchise hasn’t always been totally non-violent - Ivy whacked the occasional villain around on Earth, and ThinkQuick and Stolen Drums both required the player to destroy VILE robots, the former featuring robots with personalities - but I don’t think it’s ever been shown in such detail as the combat scenes in this series. I don’t have a problem with it, exactly, but it was a little jarring.

Things I didn’t like:

The educational moments were utterly didactic. I guess you could say the same about Earth, but I feel like it integrated the education into the plot better, and it certainly made the educational moments more fun by working jokes into them. Meanwhile, this show is taking the Stolen Drums approach of info-dumping for two minutes and then moving ahead with the actual plot with no attention to education thereafter. To go back to my favorite video game (I warned y’all), fucking Tomb Raider: Legend did a better job integrating education with action. And it’s not even supposed to be educational!

Stop trying to make “caper” happen. It’s not going to happen. It’s a perfectly good word to use from time to time, as it always has been in canon, but for “The ____ Caper” to be every episode title, and for it to be used at every opportunity in the script when “theft” or “heist” or another word could have been used just as easily gets annoying. The thesaurus: it exists. Also, it’s so overused that at a certain point I started thinking of the culinary garnish instead of a crime. (And I’ve never even eaten capers. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen them in person.)

I’m not crazy about the newly established genesis of Carmen’s name. Having her grow up with no name but “Black Sheep” makes me feel uncomfortable tbh, and while I like the significance of her choosing her own name, pulling it off a hat label seems cheap. And out of character for someone as thoughtful as Carmen.

Some of the villains seemed like real cultural stereotypes. Thankfully, it was not nearly as bad as Adventures in Math, or we’d literally have had Le Chevre saying, “Hon hon hon, baguettes!” but Shadowsan and Paper Star in particular made me uncomfortable as they felt like very stereotypical “Japanese” characters. The same could be said of Coach Brunt, who while not a stereotype of any marginalized group, was definitely a bit one-note. Coach Beiste, but evil and Texan.

Cross-language misspellings. Namely, Shadowsan and Le Chevre should be Shadow-san and Le Chèvre, should they not? The omission of accent marks has always been one of my major bugaboos, and while it’s not the first time the franchise has done it, it still annoys me. Shadow-san’s missing hyphen annoys me even more, since the hyphen indicates that other honorifics could be used, and in fact, it would (if I understand correctly) be more appropriate for his students to address him as Shadow-sama or Shadow-sensei while his peers call him Shadow-san.

I felt some real misogynistic undertones to Tigress. In a show that otherwise is quite female-forward, it irked me that of Carmen’s four classmates, only one is a girl - and she’s the one who becomes Carmen’s rival. And then for that to continue throughout the series, setting her up as the mean girl to Carmen’s good girl (in many ways, the Regina to Carmen’s Janis Ian), really bothered me. I certainly don’t think female characters have to be perfect, or expect perfect representation, but it feels like Tigress’ development just was not done mindfully, and instead they let themselves fall into misogynistic tropes. It’s not like you to pit women against each other, etc. etc.

The ages and timeline confused me. Carmen seems to be in her late teens or early twenties throughout the main part of the series (I saw a post that mentioned she says she’s 20), yet she was clearly still a preteen or young teen when she stole Cookie’s hard drive. Since Cookie’s delivery is an annual event, its information shouldn’t last Carmen those several years to grow up.

By a similar token, Player seems to be the same age in the flashbacks as in the present day. As a result, he seems a little older than Carmen to start, and a few years younger to conclude. It messes me up. Not least because, not gonna lie, I want to be sure it’s okay for me to be so gay for Carmen.

Things I liked:

The references to previous canon. Along with the aforementioned names, we have:

Rita Moreno’s cameo! (Please, please, God, give us another Rita cameo and cameos for the rest of the Earth cast next season.)

Mentions of punning names. This was delightfully lampshaded with Gray’s original codename of “Graham Crackle” and the subsequent drags from his classmates. And while most of the other characters didn’t get punning names, one of the two who did was Rita’s character, Cookie Booker, the bookkeeper - or, indeed, book-cooker.

The very meta plot point of Carmen getting her outfit by stealing it from Cookie, voiced by her previous incarnation’s voice actor.

Frequent utterances of “Where in the world is...” or “Where on Earth is...”

Tigress’ name, a reference to an Earth episode where Carmen faces a new rival. I don’t know if the Duchess plotline was also a deliberate reference to this episode, or a subconscious one, but it’s so similar that I can’t think it was total coincidence.

I’m thinking “the cleaners” are a reference to the Ick brothers, the janitors from World and USA 3.0.

Carmen is ginger. I have a significant bias for redheads. (I dye my hair red and am only half-joking when I call myself transginger as well as transgender. Heaven on Earth-era Belinda Carlisle is one of my major style rolemodels.) Carmen suddenly being auburn for the first time just makes her even more endearing to me than one would have thought possible. Plus, Ivy and Zack both being redheads? Iconic.

Carmen is also gorgeous. Now, unlike some of you, I have never previously been gay for Carmen; she’s always been more of a big sister figure to me. Instead, as a kid, I was gay for TV!Jacqueline Hyde, Ann Tikwittee, and Ivy, in that chronological order. But the moment I saw this Carmen with her hair up in the trailer, I was a goner. And in her cocktail dress at the charity auction, or her black catsuit at the end of episode 9? I thirst. There were several other points as well where I was just like, “Oh my god, she’s so pretty.” Yes, darlings, I am very gay.

That choker. Most fashionable thing Carmen’s ever worn. Fight me. We love a stylish queen.

Player has a fidget spinner. And it’s only seen briefly, which to me says it’s an everyday part of his life, not something they threw in to try to seem cool... Which in turn allows me to point to something and headcanon that Player is autistic. He’s also known mostly by a username, and spends most of his time working on his special interest, and doesn’t seem to be one for socializing in traditional ways. We love an autistic prince. (Also, this makes him in some ways a male version of my girl Futaba from Persona 5. Again, iconic.)

(To be clear, especially since it wasn��t in my little self-introduction the other day, I’m self-diagnosed on the autism spectrum. So well-written characters being autistic is really fun for me.)

Player is from Niagara Falls, near where I live (I’m on the outer edges of the Buffalo/Niagara Falls MSA), while Zack and Ivy are from Boston, where I’m moving next month. Totally personal to me, but I’m so delighted. Now, granted, Player is on the Ontario side of the Falls rather than the New York side, but still. (Hell, who can blame him for not living in Niagara Falls, NY? It’s a hellhole.)

The VILE leaders stay iconic. Countess Cleo’s crush on Zack in his “Duke” guise is hilarious and adorable, and Dr. Bellum’s obsession with cat videos? Legends only.

Paper Star is generally fantastic. It’s actually too bad for me she’s a villain, because I find her super likeable. Her tendency to hum/sing to herself is also really endearing, and she’s another one who’s easy to headcanon as neurodivergent. I really hope we get more of her, and more of her outside combat and the daily business of villainery, because she’s easily my favorite of the VILE crew.

Tigress is also awesome. Yeah, the female character bias is real, but she’s def my second-favorite, which amplifies my annoyance at the aforementioned misogyny. To be honest, though, part of it may be that she’s basically Amanda Evert, my girlfriend from - you guessed it, folks! - Tomb Raider: Legend, with purple lipstick.

Zack and Ivy met Carmen while casing a donut shop. This is so delightfully silly, and I adore it. Like, who the fuck robs a donut shop of all things? I feel like it could’ve been a reference to them being fat, maybe one that was meant to be developed further but ended up on the cutting room floor? On that note...

The fat positivity is real. Zack and Ivy are still able to move around and are even somewhat athletic; the Countess crushes on Zack; and nothing negative is said about their weight (except the potential implications of the donut shop). I love this.

Carmen and Jules’ conversation. As I said above, it’s not enough for me to start shipping them, but I love that Carmen casually addresses her as Jules rather than Julia. It’s so much like when people I don’t know well call me Soph instead of Sophie, which I always love because it connotes that closeness. Moreover, since Julia’s previous incarnation / namesake was almost always called Jules, and was Carmen’s former detective partner, I feel like there’s an implication that Carmen coined that nickname and it became her primary moniker. It’s just so good, and shipping or no shipping, I really hope we get more interactions between them next season.

The voices are good... mostly. Maelstrom is definitely the one I was most impressed with, as his voice has a lot of character while still being easy to understand. Liam O’Brien was doing a great Tim Curry impression there, but much less egregiously campy and therefore more believable. Sharon Muthu was also fantastic as Dr. Bellum - not as fantastic as WOEICS!Sara’s voice actor (Candi Milo?), but then, who could be? And Kari Wahlgren’s performance as Tigress was snarly perfection.

Gina Rodriguez is a big departure from Carmen’s typically low-pitched voice, but she’s perfectly fine. I never sat up and went, “Wow, what a performance!” but I can’t find any fault with it either. Finn Wolfhard as Player is obviously cross-promotional stunt casting, but surprisingly, it’s also perfect casting.

On the minus side... Zack and Ivy. Part of it is that their accents are so ridiculous that it’s distracting (see above Tim Curry comment). Part of it is that, at least to my ears, the accents aren’t believable - I thought they were supposed to be from Brooklyn until they mentioned Boston. I actually don’t fault the VAs for this, as they both have moments where I got the sense they’d be capable VAs for the characters (and I know Abby Trott is talented as I loved her in Tales of Berseria and Nier: Automata), but rather the voice director(s) who pushed them toward those performances. I feel like if the direction had been different, I’d have liked Zack and Ivy a lot more.

That plot twist. I truly never saw it coming. I suspected that Coach Brunt was not, in fact, the one who found Carmen, but I’d actually thought it might have been Prof. Maelstrom. The extent of Shadowsan’s revelations was a big surprise to me. Kudos to the writers for pulling that off.

Conclusion:

It’s not the series I expected. It’s not the series I hoped for. But it is one that I enjoyed, both on its own merits and for revitalizing the franchise. As I said last night, it is a hell of a feeling to have new Carmen content in 2019 (that’s actually getting attention), and for it to be really good content is a relief.

If anyone else wants to share their thoughts, either one-on-one or with the rest of the community (as it were), please do! I’d love to talk more about this series and this franchise and the thieving queen of my heart, Ms. Carmen Sandiego.

#cs2019 #carmen sandiego spoilers #reviews

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red-wardens · 5 years

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DA Questions

Tagged by: @goblin-deity and @gothkimmyschmidt -- thank you :)

Tagging: @jaffa-keksi @chillyrose @dickeybbqpit @mocha-writes @the-dread-doggo @heraldofwho @keeperscompanionsdai @space-vashoth (if you guys haven’t done it already. if you have, tag me so i can see!)

–---------

01) Favorite game of the series?

Dragon Age 2. I love the bisexual disaster companions and how they have friends/relationships/lives outside of you. And I love Hawke and their tragic story. I also like having years passing with the same protagonist/companions instead of “my new companions and I had one crazy year together”. Plus fighting mechanics were my favorite in this game.

02) How did you discover Dragon Age?

I saw gifs of Morrigan on tumblr years ago (back when DA2 was still new) and thought, “holy shit, she’s pretty I should play that”, and just never got around to it till a couple years later till when I saw a lot of gifs of default Marian Hawke and thought “she’s gorgeous and funny and I would die for her” (I still can’t believe I used to think I was straight...) and then found out she’s not till the second game so I hurried up and bought Origins to play first. Then got hooked, Origins has such a great story.

03) How many times you’ve played the games?

I’m on my 4th and 5th (playing simultaneously) playthroughs of Origins, I’ve played DA2 either 6 or 7 times. Inquisition I’ve only played once and I skipped most of the side missions because that game is so long.

04) Favorite race to play as?

Elf. I love dwarves a lot though and if they could do magic they’d easily be the fave.

05) Favorite class?

Mage. I like healing and not having to get close to enemies.

06) Do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?

I try to play differently each time and role play hard (ex: certain mage OC’s are only allowed to have skills in certain fields of magic even if it’s inconvenient for me, my traumatized-by-Carver’s-death Hawke who is triggered by seeing ogres can only “hold position” when one appears and I can only fight as the companions because she’s having a panic attack). In Origins I like to put someone different on the throne each time, side with mages once and templars the next, and have companions love/hate me according to my OC’s personality (and not cheat by using the Feast Day gifts). In DA2 I have a different personality Hawke each time and they make varying choices but in the end I have never sided with templars. I think in my 2nd Inquisition playthrough I’ll side with templars though out of curiosity.

07) Go-to adventuring group?

Always depends on who is the love interest and who are the closest friends of my protagonist. Even if the team comp is terrible.

08) Which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

Blue Surana was my first character ever so she’s had the longest time of me adding/subtracting/updating her and her story. That being said I like to think I’ve put a lot of thought into my Mahariel and Amell as well. Out of my Hawkes, Claira is the most developed.

09) Favorite romance?

Fenris.

10) Have you read any of the comics/books?

I've read all the comics and I’ve read “The Calling” and “The Last Flight” I plan to read the other books soon hopefully.

11) If you read them, which was your favorite book?

I really recommend The Last Flight if you’re a die hard Grey Wardens fan like me. The main character inspired the name for my Mahariel.

12) Favorite DLCs?

I genuinely forgot Awakening is DLC since it came with my game but, yeah. I love all the companions in Awakening and I wish it were longer. “The Exiled Prince” is also another fave since I genuinely like Sebastian Vael and he’s a kickass squadmate.

13) Things that annoy you.

The white-washing, what happened to Orsino, the way Inquisition doesn’t take into account Hawke could have been a blood mage, no healing as an Inquisition mage, the fucking Requisition Officer, the way you can’t be nicer to Sera, no dwarf romances, and how the Inquisitor can’t call Cullen out on certain things (Cassandra too, honestly, though I love her she can be really insensitive to other cultures). That’s just in the games, don’t even get me started on some of the fandom.

14) Orlais or Ferelden?

Frozen Dog Lovers > Snooty Elf Oppressors, any day

15) Templars or mages?

Mages, no contest.

16) If you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

I have 3 worldstates that I have playthroughs for, and a Multi-Warden AU

Worldstate 1 - Arcane Warrior/Battlemage/Fire Mage, mutual-pining-for-Sten, grey-sexual Blue Surana + Spirit Healer/Ice Mage, Fenris Romance, gay Akono Hawke

Worldstate 2 - Ranger/Assasin Archer, Zevran Romance, straight Isseya Mahariel + Blood Mage/Earth Mage, Sebastian rivalmance, panromantic/ace Henley Hawke

Worldstate 3 - Blood Mage/Spirit Healer/Entropy Mage, Leliana Romance, bisexual Alyss Amell (dies) + Shadow/Dual-Blade Rogue, Anders Romance, bisexual Claira Hawke

Multi-Warden AU: Blue Surana is main warden and recruits the others after Ostagar forming what I call the “Warden Squad”. Most thought-out world, that I have the most writing for but will probably never get around to writing the actual fic. We will see. Also, I need to make some Inquisitors for all these worldstates....they’re planned out I just need to force myself to actually play them.

17) What did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)

Mabari’s: Rabbit (Blue Surana), Dog (Isseya Mahariel), Teddy (Alyss Amell), Tor (Akono Hawke), Better Carver “BC” (Henley Hawke), Bear (Claira Hawke). Isseya Mahariel numbers her wolf and bear summons A-# for wolves and B-# for bears.

18) Have you installed any mods?

I play on xbox so nah, sadly.

19) Did your Warden want to become a Grey Warden?

Blue Surana didn’t want to leave the Circle and Isseya Mahariel didn’t want to give up searching for Tamlen so “no” for both of them, but they both were amazing at it. Alyss Amell, as much as it terrified her to leave to fight things, wanted to be free of Kinloch Hold.

20) Hawke’s personality?

Akono is almost exclusively Purple though he has rare Blue moments when speaking to Carver or sometimes Fenris.

Henley is solidly Red except maybe once or twice chose purple banter for talking to her only friend, Varric.

Claira is the most varied in that she’s split 60-40 between Blue and Red, meaning well and wanting to be all good/peaceful, but having a wild, passionate temper when defending mages and her friends/family. I also headcanon she has the foulest mouth of my Hawkes though she actively tries to stop cursing it’s an unbreakable habit. She’s also a shameless flirt and hits that heart button almost every single time it comes up (I wouldn’t consider her Purple at all though since she isn’t sarcastic and is the type to laugh at jokes rather than make her own).

21) Did you make matching armor for your companions in Inquisition?

I made Cole and I matching outfits because I love him ._.

22) If your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

This could get long if I listed everyone so, Blue Surana regrets not telling Sten how she felt sooner, though she doubts it would have changed anything. Isseya Mahariel wishes Tamlen could have been found sooner so the Joining could have saved him.

23) Do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

My entire Multi-Warden AU is a big “fuck you” to canon because all those potential wardens deserve to live dammit.

24) Who did you leave in the Fade?

In this house we do not leave Hawkes in the Fade. So, sorry Loghain :(

25) Favorite mount?

I legit forgot I had a mount 90% of the time. At least I got to hear more dialogue I guess.

#about me #thanks for the tag!#long post

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sepublic · 5 years

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2018 in review...

What a year. I’m honestly baffled at how... LONG and eventful 2018 was. People really aren’t joking when they say it felt like forever.

And I can see why, with all of the many, many things that happened. Many, major things. So to celebrate the end of 2018, which I consider to be one of the better years of my life... I really just want to review, in as close to chronological order, all of the major things I remembered and enjoyed;

There was me wrapping up Pokemon Ultra Moon.

I also began to finish Super Mario Odyssey, as well as Mario Kart for the Switch.

I watched the Greatest Showman, which was amazing.

There were the memes, of course. Ugandan Knuckles, Tide Pod challenge, Spaghet...

I began writing a personal, original story of mine and felt for the first time in a long while the simple joy of writing and the imagination that comes with it...

I tried Super Chix for the first time.

Shortly after I got my braces, which was genuinely painful.

Black Panther came out and was a MASSIVE success as the ninth highest grossing film of all time.

I watched my first new season of Voltron, Season 5. I’d also like to point out that the latter half of the entire show aired this year. All of it, from Lotor to Sendak to Adam’s rushed death to the disappointing finale. Yet I still enjoyed the show, by the end of the day.

The first Aru Shah book came out and I enjoyed that immensely.

Kirby Star Allies has its initial release, as well as the release of its DLC, this year. A VERY satisfying game with plenty of new lore for the series, as well as certain characters returning and being playable.

I got introduced due to Heathers the Musical, and later got interested in Hamilton and Wicked.

Infinity War, my most anticipated film of ALL time. I legit bought reserved seating for it ASAP upon the release of the second trailer. The film was amazing and somehow exceeded my wildest expectations... and then there’s the cultural impact, from the memes, the quotes, the mutual tragedy, all of it. Cinema history.

Trials of Apollo: The Burning Maze was released. RIP

I achieved a personal fitness record by jogging for about an hour and a half, my longest time yet- and I continued to do that every once in a while.

There was the many, many Steven bombs... we got Emerald, a Lapis Lazuli song, and of course the Pink Diamond reveal... THAT messed me up. Then the aftermath, including the return of Bismuth, the Diamond attack, Nephrite, as well as White Diamond and her pearl.

I rekindled my interest in Bionicle, and went back to doing drawings and creating lore for a hypothetical rewrite of G2.

There was the beauty that was Ninjago: Sons of Garmadon, as well as Harumi. Up there with Tournament of Elements as the best seasons of all. Harumi is one of my favorite characters now, as is Faith.

I saw the trailer for Hazbin Hotel and got hooked onto the series, and have since followed its numerous updates, including clips of the show.

I got reinterested in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time and completed it after years in my ownership. Then I got Explorers of Time, but I’ve dropped that. I’ll finish it next year.

Solo: A Stars Wars story was surprisingly enjoyable and inspired me creatively.

I went to Florida again and had a great time at Crab Island. I revisited New York a second time, and I’m still surprised by how much I enjoy just the atmosphere of being there.

There was E3, with all of the game announcements. Me following up excitedly on Smash Bros Ultimate, the directs, the character reveals, the memes... and of course me playing the game on release day.

I’m still hyped for the Resident Evil 2 remake.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom came out with the Indoraptor, one of my favorite monsters of all time now. There was also Incredibles 2, something we’ve waited for for over a decade. And after that, Ant Man and the Wasp.

I got interested in the Metroid Series, and have played Fusion, Zero Mission, and Samus Returns. I have yet to give Super Metroid or the Prime series a try.

Speaking of games, I enjoyed Warioware Gold. I also got my aunt’s old NES and some classic cakes like Mario and Zelda.

I read Poisonwood Bible. I dressed up as something different for Halloween for the first time in years- A Plague Doctor.

There was also a lot of depressing deaths... Stefan Karl Steffanson. Stephen Hawking, Stan Lee, Stephen Hillenburg. All of their names started with ST and I will continue to cherish all of them.

I also discovered Tumblr for the first time and have since been riding the highs and lows of this hellhole. I’ve made posts and a few have gone past 100 notes, which is neat.

I worked on my drawing skills and did a personal major accomplishment on a piece.

I watched Venom and enjoyed it WAY more than I ever expected myself to. Like, WAY more.

The Castlevania Netflix series had its second season, and I began and finished both seasons in a day.

Speaking of Netflix, Hilda was amazing, as well as She-Ra, and Dragon Prince.

Thanksgiving Break, I watched both Fantastic Beasts movies back-to-back, first at home and then in the cinema.

I went Black Friday shopping for the first time ever.

All of the splendid movies that came out in December, including Into the Spiderverse, Bumblebee, and Aqua Man- another film I enjoyed a lot more than I did. Not as much as Venom, but still.

For Christmas, I had SEVERAL back-to-back feasts, lunches and dinners, eating out and/or eating big at someone else’s home, or my home. I really need to burn off the fat.

I got a Zoku Slush maker and experimented with that with varying degrees of success.

AAAAND that’s about it. I watched the New Year’s countdown for New York, like every year, with my family.

It’s been quite a wild ride, and one of the craziest years I’ve ever experienced. And yet, looking back...

I wouldn’t change a thing.

Happy New Years, everyone. Goodbye to a beloved 2018, and hello to new hopes for 2019!

#new years eve #new years greetings #new years day #2018 #2019 #nostalgia #year in review

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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years

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September 4: 1x13 The Conscience of the King

Past midnight and I’m tired but!! The Conscience of the King!

This was a wild ep. A lot to untangle about it.

Dramatic Shakespeare! Jim’s very invested in the performance.

I legit thought that the guy next to him was McCoy the first time I watched this. I hadn’t seen much ST at the time and that’s my excuse but also in my defense he has a similar facial structure and it’s dark.

“What do I do about my log???” New hydration game: drink whenever someone mentions their logs.

So Tarsus had only 8,000 people--that’s not very many. They must have been very isolated and new. And Kodos killed 4,000.

The Karidian players are part of the “Galactic Cultural Exchange Project.”

One of my problems with believing this Kirk/Lenore romance outside the usual honeypot aspects is that she is a little young for him perhaps??? I say as if I didn’t know couples with a bigger age gap but--she’s only 19 so it’s different.

So Kodos faked his death, fairly immediately had a daughter, and then changed his identity. Her age being exactly 19 is probably just about keeping math simple but I would like to read more into it than that.

Major plot hole that there’s a PICTURE of Kodos in the database. Like???? Then everyone knows what he looks like? The idea that only 9 people have the secret knowledge to bring him to justice and yet also everyone with an internet connection can see his photo is just nonsense.

Kirk, being charming at a party. I feel like his flirt game isn’t so strong at first (here, have this glass I’ve already sipped from?) but it gets stronger as their conversation goes on. He doesn’t have the greatest lines but his attitude is so charming and attractive it legit does not matter what he’s saying.

I used to feel, at least, that Lenore was one of his real, legit love interests, probably because of the ending and because it was one of the first eps I saw so I took it as more face value, but on a rewatch... not really sure. At any rate this initial flirting is all about the Strategy.

I find it somewhat disturbing that Lenore played her father’s wife.

The Astral Queen??

Lenore is really bad at judging Kirk, like from beginning to end. If this were airing now and I were in the fandom, I’d be getting into internet fights with people about how her analyses of him are biased and shouldn’t be taken at face value because they clearly have no connection to how he actually is. “Where’s the brash young man from the party?” Was there ever a brash young man? Is he in any way different on their walk versus inside??

A dead body, what a mood killer.

I like the aesthetic of this planet, though.

Wow, wtf, Kirk, your friend’s widow is crying and you give her a five-second hug and then literally push her off screen? Gotta hurry it up ma’am!

So he just has to say ‘over and out’ and the communicator cuts the transmission and he can call someone else. Very high-tech.

Spock is displeased. A little suspicious. A little jealous.

How did you know she was coming on the ship? “I’m the Captain.”

Spock should appreciate how sneaky Kirk is being with all his schemes. It’s not Menagerie level but still.

Riley! I wish he were in more eps. He’s one of my favorite minor characters. I realize he’s only in this one because they accidentally cast the same actor twice but still--he had potential. I see he’s been taken out of Navigation. And given a backstory in Engineering, and then moved to Communications. But he keeps the gold shirt. Busy fellow.

“Star Service.”

So he transferred Riley to protect him because he figured... no one knows where Engineering is?

I love this Spock and McCoy scene. McCoy being so laid back and Spock being like “I am suspicious of this suspicious situation.”

Vulcan was never conquered though??

“Your personal chemistry wouldn’t allow you to see that” sounds an awful lot like a veiled “you’re gay” reference.

Someone finally comments on the romantic lighting that follows Kirk around.

Wow, how did all this “surging and throbbing” talk get past the censors? Tone it down, Lenore.

Kirk claims he eventually really liked her, but this is like the last positive scene they have and he’s still CLEARLY fishing for information.

Love that cut from Lenore and Kirk making out to Spock alone on the bridge at night, brooding. (No one needs to steer the ship at night I guess?)

Poor Riley, stuck by himself in Engineering during the late shift. “You’ve been a bad boy.” I love when the crew gets to just hang out and be friends. Also interesting that Uhura has borrowed Spock’s harp.

Spock: “Riley can’t die because KIRK.”

This is a great triumvirate scene. I love how they play off each other, and how they simultaneously care about each other and about their jobs and doing the right thing.

I do find it weird that McCoy is so anti this whole investigating Kodos thing. Like, this isn’t some crazy vengeful path that Jim’s on or whatever he’s implying. Jim’s actually being pretty careful and slow in his actions? And there is someone actively killing people, like--the threat is imminent? It’s just a weird side to represent. I get the balance they’re trying to portray with the three sides but McCoy just doesn’t have a good argument and Jim doesn’t really need to be pulled back--if anything, he needs to be pushed, as Spock is pushing him.

“Logic isn’t enough. I’ve got to feel my way.”

Double red alert sounds like double secret probation.

Spock shushing the Captain.

Throw the phaser out the window.

Lol after all this hullabaloo about being extra sure and all this scheming to get people on his ship--Kirk just comes out and asks Karidian if he’s Kodos. Well that’s one way about it!

Kodos, like his daughter, fundamentally misunderstands Jim. I know he seems very ‘starship captain with his technological tests’ or whatever but--to call him not human?? He is the MOST human!!

Kirk does understand life or death decisions but he would never have made the decision Kodos made.

I’m with Spock, this is not ambiguous. This man is clearly Kodos. I’m glad there was a character actively saying that the alleged tension in this “who is he really?” plot line is not actually real.

This guy is such a manipulative drama queen oml.

I feel like the morality of this situation is not as gray as some characters are trying to make it. Like, no, Lenore, no one’s crying a river for Kodos lol.

The Kodoses again are either not good at reading Kirk or are deliberately trying to gaslight him into incorrect beliefs about himself because he has literally been nothing but human and merciful this entire time!!! An inhuman person would be like “logically he has to be Kodos” and an unmerciful person would be like “and he needs to die” and just like killed him 10 minutes into the ep.

This is the downside of audio logs--private things don’t stay very private.

Riley’s on the loose! Very IC of him.

I love that the ship has a theater, btw.

Riley must have been very young on Tarsus. No more than maybe 6, 7 years old. Knowing what I know about people’s inability to actually remember things or identify people with any accuracy at all, I don’t actually believe he recognizes Kodos’s voice. But what were we saying about how Kirk is unmerciful and in human?

Riley sure backs down fast when Kirk says so.

This Lenore and Kodos scene is probably the best in the whole ep. Really laying bare their fucked up relationship and how absolutely, tragically, irredeemably mad she is. The drama! I love a true wild woman.

The irony! The Shakespearean over-the-top-ness of it all!

You know at least one person in the audience thinks this is just a really weird play.

Leave it to McCoy to ask all the wrong questions lol. He wants to know if Jim liked the girl--who the fuck cares? He knew her for one day. Maybe he was briefly legit interested in her for a few minutes there, but she’s certifiable AND she tried to kill him, so that’s that on that.

The real important thing we should be talking about here is how Jim feels about the death of a man who killed 4,000 people and traumatized him for life.

And Spock stays away entirely, instead of walking over the chair as he usually does. Giving Kirk space to sort out his feelings, perhaps?

So yeah there’s a lot to unpack in this ep.

I think I once ran across a tumblr post that said this ep implied Kirk was slated to be on the to kill list but honestly it’s pretty clearly the opposite--Kodos killed exactly who he wanted to kill, so if Kirk’s alive, Kirk was supposed to live. (I guess they thought the implication came from Kirk being one of the people to see him? But we have no idea what the circumstances of that were, or why the people to see him included a couple of teenagers and a small child.) Also I think I heard once that there was a deleted line about Kirk saying he was one of the people considered worth saving.

This ep is really wild because introducing Tarsus into Jim’s background really changes a lot and introduces a lot into his character and yet it’s basically just done for plot purposes, to make sure the main character stays at the center of the story. But truly it must have transformed him to witness that at ~15.

Overall we hear very little from Kirk directly here. We know he wants to be sure Karidian is Kodos, and he goes to a lot of trouble to be sure, even though it’s quite obvious there’s no mystery to these massive coincidences. We know from his actions--bringing the players aboard, using Lenore, transferring Riley--that he’s deeply affected by this. And sometimes people (who don’t know him well) talk about him, mostly incorrectly (though in a way where I wonder if the writer was trying to get us to think this stuff is true of him? for the dramatic effect?) But for all that, he doesn’t talk about his feelings much at all.

Another take on this ep that I also saw on tumblr and liked a lot was that Kirk is so optimistic and hopeful in part because of Tarsus, because he saw that Kodos rushed to kill people when he really didn't need to, when he didn't think the supply ship would come in time--but then it came early. So the lesson to take from that is, to always be hopeful, to always believe in the last minute save, to always prioritize people's lives and safety first because anything could happen.

I feel like we're supposed to feel bad for Kodos in some way because he left all the mass murdering behind ages ago BUT it doesn't work so well because we're also supposed to believe, imo, that he was the killer, not Lenore. Like, Spock wants Kirk to act as if this man is Kodos and be proactive, but he's not doing it because he's a vengeful person--he's doing it because Kodos, he thinks, is threatening Kirk. Spock never goes beyond that to advocate, for example, a vengeance killing versus giving him to the authorities versus idk just yelling at him or something. So this idea that interfering with Kodos in any way is just being mean is sort of bizarre--there's an active threat here.

Plus sorry but committing genocide 20 years ago isn’t something we just sweep under the rug. He was the mastermind of something truly horrendous and he got away with it! I’m not going to feel bad for him!

And on top of that the idea that he was just killing people to save other people is one thing--at least morally gray I GUESS lol. But he was targeting people for his own eugenics purposes!! He even says this is part of "the Revolution." The famine was an excuse. He wanted to kill them.

Like I realize most of the people getting on Kirk's back for literally everything are the Kodoses, who are nuts and evil, but I feel like he took a lot of shit for doing nothing wrong.

My mom was wondering how Lenore knew her father was Kodos. I’m not entirely sure but I will say I love her and how just unrepetentedly mad she is. I prefer Lenore to most TOS women because I often feel like the show doesn't......really know how to write women. With Lenore there was no attempt to make her anything but off her rocker nuts. And the twist that she was the killer was effective.

She has that very classic insanity, which is the person who has only one thought and it consumes them. Only one purpose. I think she must have been raised separate from literally everyone but her father--he's been a traveling actor her whole life, so she never socialized, she never went to school, she had no other family. He's very private so she never had, like, a social circle. So he's her WHOLE WORLD. And then maybe she got suspicious as to why that was, and discovered his past. And then she felt that this past threatened him, and anything that threatened him threatened EVERYTHING. So she became...this person we see here.

And, as my mom also pointed out, the ‘body burned beyond recognition’ story is so suspect. With all their future tech? There was no way to id it? Also, what was the official explanation as to how that happened? We know 4,000 people were killed; we know a supply/rescue ship came early, and we know Kodos died and his body wasn’t identified. But what’s the rest of the sequence of events? Was there a riot or revolt and he was killed? Did he kill himself? It’s unlikely he burned to death on accident. The point is that he did not fake his death by himself.

One downfall of this ep is that it is very complicated for only 50 minutes. So much stuff is cut short or cut out--a lot of the backstory, most of Kirk’s feelings, but even stuff like Riley backing down so fast, or Tom’s widow getting literally pushed off screen while she’s grieving. The idea that Lenore and Kirk were supposed to have a real romance somehow? And, the eugenics angle is obviously a huge part of the story but it’s barely touched upon.

According to the trivia on amazon, the original script explained Kirk's presence on Tarsus as being related to Starfleet--he was just out of the Academy and stationed there. That would make him older than other episodes assume him to be--about 42, versus 34-36. But I like it better having him be a teen bc then we don't expect him to know all the stuff that went down later, the aftermath etc. My mom suggested he might have been doing the high school version of a study abroad year, since he’s so smart. This would also explain why his family doesn’t seem to have been on Tarsus, even though if we take his age from other episodes, he was not an adult.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think AOS Kirk was on Tarsus, if in fact Tarsus happened at all in the alternate universe. I just see no evidence in his character that would make me think he’d had that experience.

Next up is Balance of Terror, yet another favorite episode. I mean Mark Lenard?? Romulans?? Can’t go wrong with that.

#star trek tos #the year 2020 #2020: fandom thoughts #2020: star trek #wow this got long i am so tired now it's 2am

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