STRANGE DAYS (1995): Elaborately derivative, unpleasantly sordid cyberpunk thriller, directed by Kathryn Bigelow, set in Los Angeles in late December 1999 (still four years in the future when the film was released) and starring Ralph Fiennes as Lenny, a disgraced former vice cop and down-at-heels dealer in black market recordings for a technology that lets the user experience someone else's prerecorded memories (essentially the "simstim" rigs from William Gibson's Sprawl novels). After a former acquaintance leaves him a recording that could set a match to a city already perpetually teetering on the brink of riot — and which seems somehow connected to Lenny's estranged ex-girlfriend Faith (Juliette Lewis) and her sleazy producer/pimp/boyfriend Philo (Michael Wincott) — Lenny ends up on the run, aided only by his former partner Max (Tom Sizemore) and his inexplicably loyal driver/bodyguard/ex-girlfriend Mace (Angela Bassett, in a role obviously inspired by Gibson's Molly Millions, albeit without the hardware).

The story, which is by James Cameron, borrows liberally from William Gibson throughout (with an icky soupçon of Michael Powell's PEEPING TOM), but by keeping the setting to the then very near future, it remains topical and largely avoids reducing the cyberpunk trappings to a series of rote aesthetic gestures in the manner of the R. Talsorian CYBERPUNK games. However, a bunch of important narrative elements just don't gel (Lenny, whom Fiennes plays as a sort of musty wet dishrag of a man, is not at all convincing as an ex-cop, and the idea that Mace is still carrying a torch for him is hard to credit), and it's often really ugly (in particular a horrifying rape/snuff sequence that's upsetting to watch even if you're forewarned).

Worse, the film then catastrophically undermines its own political throughline with a preposterous and infuriating cop-out ending that betrays the filmmakers' white liberal equivocation about policing and race. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Only in a brief and obvious performative simstim sequence. VERDICT: Intermittently compelling — particularly Bassett, who is magnificent in every respect and by far the best thing in the movie — but its sheer nastiness and the cowardly ending tend to overshadow its virtues. CWs apply for graphic sexual violence and police brutality.

// There has been a lot of anti-kabuto comments and stuff on the kabuto tag. And as a Kabuto roleplayer, what really upsets me the most is that the hate is not for even good reasons. From what I see, it’s equal to that of a kid’s grade school where you are bullied for your boring or unusual appearance and for shallow reasons. 

Like they’re legit hating him for wearing glasses, and not being as charismatic and cool as Orochimaru.  But out of the two, one is that there’s no control over his genetics of wearing glasses.  But charisma is something that can be learned, 

I don’t think people really understand that Kabuto himself is what you put in him, he reflects who he works for, he is told to act and behave according to the mission, and because he has a barely sense of self.  Any kind of improvements will always come off as awkward and not as impressive as his peers.  And because he has literally spied on the ENTIRE 5 NATIONS, he also has taken on so many identities and personalities that he had almost lost himself several times.  The perfect example would be that movie Spirited Away where a little girl named Chihiro almost lost her name after being called “Sin” for merely a few days.  Kabuto has been doing that FOR YEARS since he was a child and still managed to remember and keep his name!

And as for his backstory, while of course it doesn’t excuse that he should’ve been thrown in prison for the crimes he did. In the end, he was still a victim who was manipulated during his worst moments of his life and it’s seems intentional on Orochimaru’s part and it doesn’t seem to show that he’s apologetic about it. More like he’s “proud” that Kabuto has found his true self and that he’s not needed anymore despite the fact that HE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING KABUTO LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

 A twisted version of a friend being proud of their friend for getting better.  

Kabuto has ALWAYS been a good, hospitable, and kind person deep down. But again, because of the world they live in. He absolutely can’t let his emotions get in the way of the cruel world of Naruto.  The reasons why he’s a bully in the first place is because he was envious of people with kekki genkai and other special people who make a name for themselves.  And that shit is relatable to everyone who is lacking in something in their life! (Have you ever been envious of someone who was rich/popular/had a good family/married to a great person/happy? And don’t lie to yourself. ) 

As for being a hypocrite? Do you know who’s the BIGGEST HYPOCRITE was?

ITACHI FUCKING UCHIHA

They had the nerve to say that there are some things that having powers or abilities cannot change. And while it was sweet that Itachi wanted to help him see his worth, but it really doesn’t sound good coming from a gifted person like him. Since Itachi has absolute NO IDEA how Kabuto feels as Itachi carried on and USED his name and kekki genkai to solve his problems.

Imagine a rich and popular person telling you that you are good as you are and that there are things that money can’t buy and to be happy with what you have. But everyone knows damn well that having money and a good family name and reputation would improve and help you and your family and friends in more ways that the rich person doesn’t seem to understand or even thought about.  

 And last but certainly not least. Kabuto’s not “hot”? I can assume that whoever thinks that probably is the type to focus on the appearance. Kabuto’s appearance is simple and normal. Not this fantasy beautiful unreachable God that many of the fans often love to write fanfiction and fantasize about.   Kabuto literally looks like your neighbor that you could actually marry and have a happy normal life!  He’s not beautiful or outrageous looking because if he was too beautiful or loud, he wouldn’t be doing a good job as a spy as a spy is SUPPOSED to fit in and not stand out too much.  A fact that the Naruto series tends to ignore despite it being a show about NINJAS!    But yes, keep humping your Itachi and Madara body pillows. Especially when one has cancer, and is a chronic liar and the other is a sexist, abusive (obviously gay) bastard. Guess which one is which. 

Whether you read this or not, here’s the truth. 

Kabuto is perfect as his is with all of his good qualities and flaws, and he does not need you or anyone else to tell him otherwise. There’s a reason why there’s a saying, “Kings and Queens Don’t Compete and Waste Their Time With Hoes and Peasants.”  

 Also I would totally let him rail me in his sage mode form.

So I watched Creed 3 last night. It was awesome but it makes me wonder if sunstreaker given the chance to actually go pro as fighter instead mob enforcer. Would he have done it and how would life be different for him ?

Please god don’t get me started on the Creed movies, I watched Creed 2 on a whim because it popped up while I was couch surfing while drawing one night (TV shows and cable movies are my white noise when I work) with NO knowledge of the franchise out of “Apollo Creed dies, Rocky avenges him, also Ivan Drago is legit terrifying”, and I swear I was changed lol.

As a rule of thumb I DON’T watch sports movies, I don’t watch sports in general, but holy shit I will make every exception possible for Creed 2 because it’s a MASTERCLASS in character writing. (Ask me how OK I am about Old Man Ivan realizing what actually matters to him and Victor’s desperation to make his father proud because he loves Ivan so much he’s willing to DIE in the ring if that’s what it takes to make Ivan happy, and Ivan doing for his son what Rocky could not do in time for Apollo Creed which ended up being a lifetime regret, because I am an ENTIRE SPECTRUM of NOT OK)

Creed 3 is a live action Hajime No Ippo and is genuinely one of the best things I’ve seen on the big screen (watching it in a theater with a bunch of excited bros treating the whole last match like it’s a real boxing round was AN EXPERIENCE), shout-out to all my mutuals CATCH THIS SHIT NOW and watch Creed II first so you can get your heart shattered in a million pieces.

NOW THAT I’M DONE GUSHING I’d say not TOO much would have changed! He’d still be a cocky, grinning showoff very full of himself, but much less of a blood knight willing to do WHATEVER it takes to win (he’d be more like Blurr in this regard). Also, less of a body count of course (Yes, he does have one. No, Sideswipe is not privy to the actual figure. Sides has been told that these are people who ‘deserved it’ and he’s not sure he wants to know anything further than that).

He ABSOLUTELY would have taken the opportunity, he wasn’t born with the desire to wreck shit after all! With the right coach who could help him direct his anger and outrage to a safer, more productive outlet, he would have been an absolute star, but he was taken under Thunderhoof’s wing for better or worse and he is who he is today.

Had he taken that route, his story would have been closer to Blurr’s, and he would have had a much better/closer relationship with Sideswipe (as it would have eliminated the need to keep secrets from Sideswipe, and Sideswipe’s deep concern for the slow degradation of his compassion/humanity).

V/H/S99 - (2022) Review

I am always excited for a new V/H/S movie and have been a fan since the first film. I might just have to revisit the old movies after this one. Even with the inevitable letdowns of some clips, I still feel eager to see what’s in store for each film.

Of course, every V/H/S is a wild ride filled with the best horror and sometimes some more lackluster clips. Hate to say it but this was a 50/50 for me. I go into these movies chasing the thrill of the first two movies, a thrill that is only matched by some of the clips here and there in this one.

Shredding:

Overall, the first clip of the movie was solid but not amazing. I was interested but I didn’t really feel like I was at the edge of my seat really. The main characters were insufferable through the clip, with shots of them being outrageously terrible to each other and just generally unlikable. Narratively, it was not a challenging story. Teens mess with some spirits, spirits get-em, and it’s over. Visually, however, I love the way it’s cut in an almost immature edit, the way some kids might to make their punk band seem more cool than it actually is. The ghosts of the undead band also look really great, not the mention the final scene where the band member’s limbs are bounced around like wooden puppets.

It was engaging enough for me to keep watching for sure but it’s definitely not on the list of my favorite V/H/S clips.

Suicide Bid:

This was perhaps one of the more weaker and predictable clips from the film. The characters were very one-dimensional with the exclusion of the recruit protagonist who is a predictable two-dimensional character. The plot especially loses some strength during the last scene where the girls are effectively transported into similar burial coffins as the ghoul.

The clip's special effects were even more disappointing unfortunately, as the scenes with Giltine really pulled me out of the emersion of the story with an overtly obvious scary mask-wearing Giltine poorly attempts to create the scare the clip was heavily lacking.

Overall, an underwhelming clip that, on any possibility of a rewatch, may surely be skipped.

Ozzy's Dungeon:

Probably my favorite clip of the entire movie hands down. I really loved the premise that turns the old 90s children's game shows on its head by showing the wish-granting to be legit. The sadistic tension of the host in the clutches of the family and the cosmic horror element of Ozzy the wish granted really make the whole clip for me. My only issue is the ending as I, and possibly others, couldn't understand why Donna would wish for something when she seemed to be onboard up until then. My only guess is that she was leagues worse than her family was.

All in all great clip and definitely makes my top 10 of the V/H/S series clips.

The Gawkers:

When I say this clip had potential I really mean it. The whole clip was shot amazingly and really immersed me in that 90s VHS aesthetic, especially through the dialogue and the props used in each scene. The real kicker is that this falls short in the same way that the Suicide Bid does, in that the final sequence really takes away from such a solid premise and set-up.

The visual effects of the gorgon reminded me of Roald Dahl's The Witches and really threw the immersion out the window for me. As disappointing as it was I can say this clip really had potential but the ending just left with a little more to be desired from the premise.

To Hell and Back:

A phenomenal visual clip directed by Joseph Winters. This clip had my eyes intrigued in so many ways. From the creative ways, the camera perspective showed the dynamic terror of hell, the visual effects that show off the horrifying atmosphere, and the grotesque practical effects of the demons and abominations of cultists and fiends.

The only downside I can really say is that the dialogue and story tended to throw me off the wild adventure. But really I felt this clip could be really solid taking it at face value and really just sitting back and enjoying a visual spectacle without giving it too much thought.

V/H/S 99:

As a whole, I really enjoyed this V/H/S 99. Although I miss the level of quality from the first two V/H/S movies, I also really appreciated what this one had to offer. I found it odd they decided to go for a '90s theme for this installment considering the first movie had this feeling already, but nevertheless, some of the clips were able to use this theme to their benefit.

Ultimately, my opinion is, don't take this one too seriously, watch it for what it gives you as comparing it to the first two movies might actually take away from the magic of the clips offered!

Have you ever tried to get CFAU out there? We need that as a show ASAP.

Lol...no. And the possibility of it (or anything like it happening in general) becomes grimmer every day. Listen, I'm probably about to POP OFF, but if you want to know how the internet is ruining rep in the industry, then give it a read. If not, godspeed. But you guys should know what you're doing every time you fuckos yet outraged about even the smallest bullshit.

The vast majority of straight actors are now passing on every queer role they get offered because they're terrified of being “canceled”. Apply the same thing to non-Jewish actors playing Jewish roles. Or this and that and that other identity. Y'all have turned this into a climate where people are not allowed to act anymore. The point of acting is inhabiting someone else's body and story, but y’all seemingly want things to go down to specific nationalities. "How dare this non-French person play a French character?!" That's where we're headed at this point.

You guys fail to fucking understand that, whether you like it or not, films and shows don't get made until they have recognizable talent attached. Even then, there are SO MANYYYYY projects with prime fucking packages that aren't selling right now. Series and movies with ensembles of A+ listers as stars and famous showrunners and directors that legit won't find a buyer. That's the market we're currently in.

How many famous, openly queer women do you know? I'm talking face and name recognition that would get a film or show easily made??? Little to none, right? There are VERY FEW (openly) queer actresses in the industry in general and even less so in that A/B Lister level that can actually get things funded and greenlit. What you guys have done is created a hostile fucking environment where actors don't want to take queer roles anymore and what happens if you can't find bankable talent to star in your movie or show??? IT DOESN'T GET FUCKING MADE. The project dies and never sees the light of day. So, as a result of your fake outrage machine, you will create LESS rep on screen instead or more.

I, for example, write projects that are intrinsically queer and from which you can't extricate the inherent queerness. That shit isn’t going anywhere because it’s in the DNA of the script. What do you think is going to happen/is happening when a show or a movie can't find an actor to play a queer character if the script doesn't entirely revolve around their queerness? The character will be rewritten and turned straight or cut out altogether. What do you think will happen when you're clamoring for XYZ ship to become canon on a show and one or both actors say "I'm not comfortable playing a queer character because I don't want to get canceled."??? It's not gonna happen. YOU guys are fucking representation over, not helping it.

It's a veryyyyyy real problem. I'm seeing producer friends trying to put films together right now going through it. No one they've sent scripts with queer characters this year to will touch them. And it's not homophobia. It's literally actors telling them directly "I won't play queer characters anymore because I'm afraid of the backlash." That's the culture you've created, one which will only affect us in the long run.

Hell, I know it first hand. We're trying to package one of my scripts right now and we've already had two prominent actresses pass. One was literally THIS WEEK. I met with her and she outright said to me - TO MY FACE - that she was scared of the internet's response. She said she didn't think "She could sit in press interviews and justify taking this role when it's not her story." She and I talked for an hour and about 20-25 minutes of that was she expressing how uncomfortable she was BECAUSE of the internet. I did my best to assuage her fears during the meeting and she still passed days later. Both she and her agent love the script, which is why she even took the meeting in the first place. But, at the end of the day, when she was weighing risks, she didn't think it was worth enraging the online mob and possibly getting vilely attacked over it.

Let me bring up a tangible example of how your outrage kills projects. Do you remember the biopic where Scarlett J. was supposed to play the lead as a trans man from the 1800s-1900s? Y'all grabbed your pitchforks and got her to back out of the project. Where is the movie now??? The film didn't get made, did it? Because without a name like Scarlett fronting it, that movie was never going to get made. Ignore Scarlett's past. Ignore her altogether for a second and pretend this was any other A-List actress. Let me ask you: would you rather have the actress play the role with genuine respect for the project/character and have a movie that could've put the life of an iconic trans man out there for people who needed to see it...or would you rather have it die and get fucking nothing? In one scenario, you potentially get a film with a major star that would've been watched by a large swath of the general population, could've touched on important queer issues, and probably have a slew of other queer performers in the film as supporting actors. It might have been imperfect rep by the internet's standards, but it would've still been exposure for potentially more than one group in the community. On the other side, you have the reality of what happened now: no big name, no movie, no story being told, no rep AT ALL. Think about what you prefer with your big girl and boy brains.

Truthfully, I don't know that Hailee would've signed up to do Dickinson in today's climate. Dickinson helped Ella figure out she was queer, but she was also a straight woman coming into it. Imagine what a loss that would've been. If they were casting Lexa in 2022 and told Alycia upfront that Lexa would be limp wristed, I doubt she would've taken it. Think about all the iconic queer ships of the last...ten years and ponder how many of them involve actual queer women. Now think about how most of them wouldn't happen with those actors that brought the stories to life because they're terrified of the vitriolic faux outrage mob. Would you rather a straight woman play a queer character, or would you rather have no queer character at all?

You can scream till you’re blue in the face about "WELL, THE INDUSTRY SHOULD CHANGE AND THEY SHOULD CAST UNKNOWNS TO PLAY THESE CHARACTERS". Sure sure, that's all fine and dandy in your fantasy land, but that’s not the real world. When you ask an investor/company/studio to put millions of dollars on the line, they want guarantees that they're getting their money back. You can only even remotely attempt that by putting faces people recognize on the screen. This isn’t a game and it isn't charity. They're not doing this shit out of the kindness of their hearts. These are real investments of cold hard cash that people are making and in their minds, the easiest way to ensure those investments is by having talent audiences are going to watch. Especially when their competition is your favorite thing in the world: Disney/Marvel and franchises. Fewer and fewer movies get made every year. Why? Because investors and studios would prefer to pour money into a "guaranteed" thing like a pile of hot garbage, 300 million dollar budget, superhero movie with a bankable name, over making ten 30 million dollar movies that they don't know if they're going to lose money on. Some actors still do things outside tentpoles, but who is left to play the queer roles if they're running from our stories BECAUSE OF YOU? Who is going to be the thing that attracts investors? No one. Then we get jack shit. And that, that is a problem of your own doing.

So when someone writes a really fucking fantastic project with...idk...a queer Jewish lead (or just something in the vein of CFAU) that you would've loved to watch/would've been wonderful for the community and no actor will touch it because you've made any type of diverging from one's specific identity a crime then you have no one to blame but yourself. You'll never know the project existed because you killed it and it didn't get made, but trust meeeeeeeeeee...y'all are killing outstanding projects every day with this shit.

LET.PEOPLE.ACT. That's the whole goddamn fucking point. As an actor, you're supposed to act like something other than yourself. You're supposed to embody and explore different experiences. If you can only play EXACTLY what you are, then what the fuck is the point. What are we even doing?

Cut all this shit out.

soooooooo the new trailer

i have things to say

FIRST; i actually like the art style and the animation is very smooth, very much prefer it to the planning series where we got those fuckin....doll things moving like puppets

SECOND; 

legit only Evie, Mal, and Ben got new looks (and Bens i swear just looks like his cotillion outfit(LOOKED CLOSER, YEP ITS JUST HIS COTILLION OUTFIT, SO ANIMATED BEN DOESNT EVEN MATCH HIS DOLL, WHICH HAS A DIFFERENT DESIGN/SUIT TO IT) so maybe just Mal n Evie got new looks to which is a HARD NO like, come on!!!! Jay is wearing his BTD suit, Dizzy is wearing a shorter version of her BTD dress, Uma is in her cotillion dress, Audrey is in BTD dress, Belle (who by the way, HER VOICE ACTRESS WASNT INVITED BUT SHES THERE STILL, OUTRAGE) and Beast look like they’re going to Cotillion (same outfits from it) gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah GIVE THE REST OF THE CAST GOOD AND PROPER OUTIFTS SHEESH (i do love Jays btd suit but come on, I! did a whole lineup of designs last year when the first planning short came out, and i PUT UMA IN A SUIT AND HARRY N GIL WERE THERE)

THIRD; SO MALEFICENT IS SUDDENLY BACK?!?! Where the fuck has she been!!! Mal took her to the isle with her and then Lizard Maleficent was NEVER mentioned again, neither in movies or side books! then now shes just-Back!?!? come on disney!!! why make hades the bad guy when you had a missing Maleficent RIGHT THERE, AMATURES! (side note shes wearing a little hat)

Fourth, THIS RIGHT HERE

DISNEY I WANT AN EXPLINATION AND I WANT IT NOW!!! YOU KNEW CARLOS WASNT GOING TO BE THERE AND THIS HURTS SO DAMN MUCH (also animation error XDXD the purple coloring on Mals arms is supposed to be on her chest WHOOPS) (Second thought on the animation error, in this whole trailer Mals upper shoulders/chest part is like that, maybe the official art on the disneynow app is the errored picture)

FIFTH’

Jay why THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK LIKE SHANG WITH LONGER HAIR

this artist looked at shang, looked at Jay and went “yeah ill just make jay shangs son) XDXD guess Jay and Lonnie cant date now! /j

SIX; HOLY SHIT ITS PAIN AND PANIC?!

Seventh: HADES ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE HADES(EYEBAGS N ALL)? AND HIS HAIR LOOKS COOL FOR ONCE?

EIGTH; since Harry isnt there/here to simp for Uma i shall do it for him *INHALE* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHH

MY QUEEN, MY GODDESS, LIGHT OF MY LIFE, WRECK THAT FUKING WEDDING BBY!!! (ahhhh~ her little heart earrings~)

NINTH: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THREE MOVIES, MAL ACTUALLY LOOKS COOL WHILE TRANSFORMING INSTEAD OF THAT WEIRD ASS :O FACE. ITS NOT A SLOW CRAWL OF SMOKE OR SLOW ASENION INTO THE AIR, SHE JUST FUCKING GOES, FINALLY THIS ANIMATOR ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO DO TRANSFORMATIONS

NINE.TWO: HER DRAGON ACTUALLY LOOKS KINDA COOL FOR ONCE TOO INSTEAD OF THAT WEIRD LOOKING LIL SHIT WE GET IN THE MOVIES

TENTH;

Audrey honey why do you have an ear piece?

AAAAAAAAAAAND OTHER THAN THAT I GOT NOTHING ELSE TO SAY, PRETTY DOPE ARTSTYLE AND ANIMATION, LEGIT IMPRESSED, MIGHT END UP WATCHING THIS ONLY FOR THE ART, IGHT BYYYYYYE

WATCH PROGENIES ON AUGUST 13TH!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so my thoughts and opinions on Kinnporsche, the characters and stories, since I've literally spammed ya'll with my reblogging for literal weeks now.

I love it. It's different. It's mature. I wish I could read the book because apparently these characters are even more intense and sometimes more cruel than their live action counterparts.

Anyways.

I adore Porsche. I love Kinn. I am obsessed with Vegas. Tankhun and Pete must be protected at all costs. Porchay isn't my favorite but he is cute. Kim is too pretty to look at.

So. Let me delve into this intense, mature series that I am obsessed with.

They legit tried to convince us that Porsche was this cool guy who gets all the ladies he wants, has all the guys wanting to be him when in reality he is an awkward, chaotic, bisexual man who has no idea what the heck he is doing and is just trying to get through the day to support himself and his younger brother. I adore Porsche. I adore him for trying to understand Kinn and for trying his hardest to have a relationship with him.

Alright onto Kinn.

This openly gay man who holds everyone at an arm's length because he has major trust issues but still cares for his team, who legit won't let any of his one night stands kiss him on the mouth but kisses Porsche twice without thinking about it. This dude has anger issues aswell but it's legit just the trust issues he needs focus on right now. I love him very much thank you so please take your Kinn hate else where because this boy this last episode is so in love with Porsche that even though Porsche was snooping behind his back, there is no way in heck that he is letting Tawan convince him that Porsche is the mole. He basically says that he has a plan, did he fill Porsche in with that plan? Maybe, probably not. Hence why he said he needed to clear things up with him. Let the man figure out who the mole is before passing judgement on him okay? Remember this dude said he had a million enemies and that everyone wants him dead. His only somewhat serious fling ended up selling his family's information to the Italians and is now claiming they are holding his family hostage, which, any sane person whose boyfriend is the heir to the mafia would go to him and tell him what was going on instead of betraying him. So no, I don't believe Tawan in the slightest, I bet he even poisoned himself to garner sympathy. Kinn sure as heck doesn't believe him, he is playing along sure, he may also be reminiscing because this dude is also a hopeless romantic. Again, I love Kinn and anyone who slanders him will be ignored in this thread.

Moving on:

This motherf***er. This manipulative b*stard. I've heard about the shit he does in the books and while I'm glad they will most likely tone that down in the show, the shit he has done so far. He is one bad mofo. I am obsessed with the actor's portrayal of this character. I am just obsessed. *chef's kiss*

Tankhun, this guy was kidnapped as a child and whatever they did to him has traumatized him as an adult. He is "crazy" but is he just pretending just to get out of being the heir or is he actually crazy due to trauma? There has been several times when he has been smarter than everyone and then he acts outrageously crazy right after. It's interesting, at one time I even thought he was the mole because he was kind of suspicious in the way he acted but now... now I just think the guy got kidnapped due to his mafia connections and said, nope. This is not for me but also, I could probably do this better than any of you if I really wanted to. Which I don't. But I could. Just so you know. I'm smarter than you.

Pete. This precious cinnamon roll. Who is most likely already being tormented by Vegas due to how his character is slowly changing. He started off being all smiley and happy who didn't drink on the job and took his job seriously. But now, after watching movies/kdramas with Tankhun all night, he has come back to the room drunk af. He is staying more in the background lately and probably wants to tell Porsche what is going on but can't because Porsche is dealing with his own crap and no one else he is close with to tell. I'm scared for him because Vegas is so manipulative and sadistic.

Porchay and Kim. I'll talk about these two together because... personally Porchay is not my favorite character, I like him, I think he is cute, but honestly... his story so far... anyways, I'm not here to say negative things about him. Kim on the other hand. His story is complicated, he is clearly trying to play detective and uncover some great mystery set in place by his father, his father who let's him live away from the family mansion and therefore his protection. Kinn and Tankhun live at home, one terrified and one the next in line to the mafia throne as it were. His father lowkey seemed afraid of him in a way. But on the other hand, he has this cute little love story with Porchay that started because he was using him for information while simultaneously helping him.

Kim is also ridiculously pretty. I can't even look at him.

There are plenty of characters and overall the only one I truly don't like is Tawan, but only because it is so obvious he is only back because it's a plot against Kinn and his family. The series is amazing so far and I can't wait for the next episode.

Oh my god i LOVED 1666!! I think that might have been my favourite of the trilogy! Loved the ending too, made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Would have loved to see a little more of Sam and Deena (and Josh) just being happy though lol, would have loved to see a glimpse into their future. I can totally see Sam and Deena living together and going to college together and whatnot!

Yes, it was the perfect ending! I had been so nervous when I started it and then the fact that Sam and Deena survived allayed my fears so much, the actual movie could have been a whole lot worse and I'd still have been happy at the ending. But it was legit so good and moving and thrilling on its own!

Definitely would not have minded a bit more of the happy survivors but I guess that's par for the course for these movies, there's not really much more to show. This is where fic actually is so good, as a bonus, not a replacement. Canon has given us that happy ending, now we can expand it.

And I can totally see it all play out too, Sam and Deena finally breaking apart to eat their burgers and outrageously flirt some more, maybe Deena continuing to fill in Sam on what she saw in Sarah's memories, both a bit melancholy and still shocked at it all but ultimately grateful they're together here now. They'd go to pick up Josh who excitedly tells them about meeting his chat friend and when they get home, Deena's dad, who gets along with Sam, invites her for dinner that thankfully he's cooked in celebration of getting the job.

The days keep unfolding like that, each one better than the last, the larger the distance between them and the curse and Kate and Simon's deaths. Sometimes they'll go along with Ziggy to meet with Mrs. Lane and can barely handle her relief and gratitude at once again reassuring her they know Ruby was cursed and that it's been finally lifted.

They aren't even that focused on getting out of Shadyside now that there isn't this suffocating pall over it anymore, but eventually they go to college out of town. The same one and while they admit that might be a bit co-dependent, it's better than dealing with post-possession/post-historical-death-vision (and post-KILLING a man, albeit one who was responsible for tens of deaths) PTSD alone. It's not like they can process this with any therapists.

And then one day, hopefully many years in the future, a text from Josh: "IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN". Dun dun dunnnnn. :D

Happiness Begins

Part 23

Chapter Summary: It turns out going home to Austin wasn’t all it cracked up to be. Elsewhere, Jensen has an interesting conversation with an old friend. 

Warnings: Language, angst, dealing with mental health issues

Word Count: 3.2K+

Author’s Note: I just want to start here by reiterating that this is a work of fiction and should be treated as such. I mean no harm to Danneel or her beautiful family, and I have a zero-tolerance policy on this blog. I see and legit forms of hate towards any wife and you are blocked. That being said, I hope you enjoy this part xoxo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and check out Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly. 

Two months later…

When Y/n had stepped onto the tarmac in Austin, she had believed wholeheartedly that this could be a fresh start for her. Or at the very least, she hoped going back to her status quo would help to dull that empty feeling she now held in her chest. And it had worked, at first. Catching up on everything had been just the distraction she was looking for, but as time went on and the workload steadied off, it became harder for her to mask all the emotions.

It was something she had done numerous times before. A coping mechanism that as much as she knew how unhealthy it was, she always found herself reverting back to. This time was no different, and Y/n had found herself working herself into the ground. She was doing everything she could to make sure that work was all that could consume her thoughts, which turned out great in the end for Et Cetera. 

Last week, she had received an email from the conglomerate Coty, one of the world’s largest beauty brands, requesting a meeting with her and her lawyers. Obviously, she had been immediately interested, the butterflies in her stomach on full alert even after the meeting had ceased. 

 “Just… think about our offer. We don’t need an answer right away, we understand that this is a big decision for you. We hope to hear from you soon.” Mr. Baltussen, the CPO for Coty, slid her over a copy of his business card along with the legal documents that spelled out their offer. 

“Of course, thank you.” Y/n nodded her head as the small group of executives let themselves out of the conference room. As the door closed behind them, she snapped her head to her lawyer next to her, who already had her nose in the paperwork. 

“What do you think?”

“I think this all looks pretty legitimate. Y/n this is a more than generous offer.” Her lawyer’s eyes quickly scanned the words before flitting up to meet Y/n’s. 

“So you think I should accept it?”

“Honestly?” Y/n nodded, pleading for an honest answer. “Only you can make that decision, but this says to me that no matter what decision you make, you’ll be just fine.”

“Damn, I was hoping for a more definite answer.” She dropped her head into her folded arms on the table top.

“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help, but I’m here for you no matter what.” 

 That conversation had been all that she thought about for the rest of the night and was the first thing on her mind when she had woken the next morning. Having the day off, since it was the weekend, meant she had more time to dwell on it. At first, she had been adamant about declining their offer, but the more she thought about it the more appealing it became. After all, her method of shoving everything down to avoid feeling was no longer working for her. Being in Austin, where he also lived, tended to grate on some of her nerves. She often found herself tense when out in public, which she fully understood how irrational it was, afraid that she would run into him somewhere. Her heart just wasn’t ready for that quite yet. Even with her and Jared talking again, things still hurt. He was family and she would never be able to get away from him, but Coty was offering her the ability to get about just as far away as she could from the mess she had created. 

Y/n had pulled her laundry from the drier as she went about doing her weekend chores. She plopped onto the couch with the basket in front of her and turned on the news for some background noise. The program was just finishing up as she paid no attention to it and its switch to Entertainment Tonight. She was just about finished with folding when the host’s words caught her attention. 

“Coming up next, Supernatural star Jensen Ackles and ex fiance Danneel Harris caught cozying up to each other for lunch in downtown LA.” Y/n snapped her head up to the tv and dropped the panties in her hand back into the basket at her feet. She searched blindly for the remote to turn up the tv as the program returned. 

“The two ex lovers were seen having what seemed like a friendly, and funny, lunch together. Could this be the start of a rekindling romance? Only time will tell as their reps declined for comment.” Images of the two flashed across the screen, paparazzi photos of the two of them, both had wide smiles on their faces as they sat next to each other on a patio table. A pair of sunglasses sat on both of their faces, but even she could see the small crinkles around his eyes from that beautiful smile on his face. 

Her heart sank into her stomach as she sat back on her couch and pulled her knees into her chest. All those emotions she had fought so hard to push down were now bubbling back up to the surface and threatening to explode out of her throat in a sob. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes as she fought the stinging in her nose. 

Deep down she knew she had no right to feel the way she was. After all, Jensen had ended things with her, and she certainly didn’t leave the door open for him to come running back in. But all she could think about was his promise to her, his promise that he was over the one woman that had the pleasure of wearing his ring on her finger. The images on her television now told her a different story, though, and that brought up every insecurity in her. 

What was it that Danneel had that she didn’t? There were the obvious physical differences that she wouldn’t even dare to delve into in her fragile state. But what else about her made her more desirable? Was she smarter, funnier, better in the bedroom…

Ugh! Y/n ran her hands through her hair, tugging gently at the roots. She was so far beyond over feeling like this. She was supposed to be better at handling herself when she got this way, but more so, she was supposed to be over comparing herself to other women. It had been so long since she had relapsed like this, and she had reached her breaking point. Y/n was not okay anymore, and she needed help. 

****

Y/n rifled through her living room, tossing pillows and cushions from her couch. She had been so sure that she had left her laptop on the coffee table when she went to bed last night. It was nowhere to be found. Not in her bedroom, living room, not even in her kitchen. 

“Damn it.” she growled to herself. There was no more time to look for it, she had to be at Jared and Gen’s soon, so she would just have to push back this search until later. Quickly she put her house back into a semi clean order and ran out the door. Luckily, her brother didn’t live too far from her and she was still on time when she pulled up in their drive. 

Three little bodies had the front door pulled open before she could even open her car door. “Aunt Y/n!” Odette was the first one out the door. Y/n knelt down in front of her niece, sweeping her up into her arms and squeezing her tight. It had been longer than usual since she had seen Jared and his kids, in person at least. Things were still… tense to say the least between them. They were still working on their issues… slowly. 

Y/n picked up the toddler and made her way inside, hugging the boys as she went. Gen was waiting just inside the door, offering her a tight hug as well. 

“We miss you around here, you know that?” Gen smiled as she let down Odette and the kids ran off to continue what they were doing before she had pulled up. 

“I know. We are getting there.” Y/n agreed, it really had been too long. She missed her family more than she had thought. They had been so close since forever, that she never understood what it was like to be at a distance from them. 

“Then come around more often, please?” Gen urged her sister in law to follow her into the kitchen. 

“Gen,” Y/n tried, casting her glance away from the woman who was pleading with her. That was the last thing she needed to hear right now. “I have some news.” 

“Should I grab Jared…” She started towards the stairs that lead to their second floor before Y/n moved to stop her. 

“No please, just listen.” Gen leaned against the island, giving Y/n her full attention. “I had a meeting on Friday with executives from Coty. They uh,” She chuckled, still in disbelief that this was even happening. “They want to buy my majority shares in Et Cetera.” 

“Wow, Y/n that is huge.” Genevieve’s word’s didn’t match the inflection in her voice or the crease that appeared between her brows. She was just as skeptical as Y/n had been when they first presented her the offer. 

“That’s not all. Coty offered me a VP position where I would be in charge of US operations. My lawyer said it’s a more than generous offer since I get a seven figure salary plus benefits and bonus’, not to mention the money from the sale of my shares.” Y/n played with the fruit in the bowl in front of her. 

“There’s more, isn't there?” The woman was too smart for her own good, Y/n thought to herself. Of course Gen picked up on that fact that she was holding something back. 

“I would need to relocate to New York.” Her face scrunched up as she prepared for some sort of outrage or surprise from Gen, but nothing came. Her next words were softer than she deserved.

“Do you want to accept the offer?” 

“I didn’t, at first.” Y/n admitted. That was the easy part, admitting to what had changed her mind on the other hand would be a lot more difficult, because she didn’t even want to admit it to herself. “But I don’t know now. It feels like everyone around me is moving on with their lives while I’m just stuck on some sort of endless corporate hamster wheel. I don’t feel the excitement for what I do anymore. Hell, I don’t feel anything anymore. Moving to New York could be just what I need.”

“And what about us? What about your family here in Texas.” 

“We have facetime. And I’ll always just be a plane ride away. I mean, it's not like I’m going to Yemen or something. We will have the holidays too.” The catch in her voice broke on her last sentence. She didn’t know who she was trying to convince more, herself or Gen. 

“Is this about Jensen?” Gen stood up straighter, her head cocking slightly as she spoke. 

Y/n huffed, what a stupid question. “Of course it is. He’s clearly moved on, our time together just a distant and horrible memory. Why shouldn’t I be afforded that same luxury?” 

“Come on, you don’t really believe that? Y/n, you have worked so hard for everything you have. And it is all yours, right here in Austin, where your family is too. Why throw all that away over some guy?” Gen’s hand found its way to Y/n’s shoulder, her fingers squeezing the flesh there to try and ground her. She hated seeing her making emotional decisions, especially ones that would affect not only her. 

“Jensen wasn’t just some guy, Gen. But I did lose him, and I’m trying my damndest here to move on, but I just haven’t found the ability to do so yet. That’s all I’m looking for.” Y/n cast her gaze down into her lap, where she was now picking at the cuticle on her thumb. 

“And all I’m saying is, don’t make this kind of decision without talking to the people around you. Get all the perspective you can, because I don’t think you are seeing this clearly right now.” 

“I hear you Gen, but I don’t know if I’ll change my mind again.” Gen nodded her understanding, only wishing she could get through to her sister in law somehow. She pulled her into her chest, hugging her again, because she didn’t know what else she could do. 

Neither of them noticed Jared standing on the landing of the stairs, catching every word his sister uttered. His heart sank as he listened to his sister talk. Never before had he heard the defeat in her voice. Y/n was one of the most strong willed people he knew, but she had just… given up. 

Before now, he hadn’t noticed how far she had fallen. But maybe that was because he wasn’t looking. The two of them didn’t talk like they used to, and right now he was feeling incredibly guilty about that. Why hadn’t he seen it before? Was it because all he could focus on was the steam coming out of his own ears when he found out she had been sleeping with his best friend? Or was it because as much as she chastised him for it, he still saw her as his baby sister and not the independent woman she had become. It was not like her at all to give up on something she had been working so hard towards. Y/n was not the type of woman to balk at money, and she certainly wouldn’t be the one to walk away from her family for any amount of it. 

Jared couldn’t see anymore why he had ever been so adamant that the two of them should not be together. Maybe it was because he knew too many of the intimate details of Jensen’s sex life to think about his sister in that way, or maybe it was even because he thought they wouldn’t be a good match. He could see it now though, having known both of them for so long. Jared shook his head at himself for not seeing truly how much those two were made for each other. He had only stood in their way when he should have been playing matchmaker. After all, didn’t he owe it to two of the most important people in his life to help them find their way to each other?

Jared vowed in that moment, he would fix this. He had to fix this. 

 Meanwhile, in Los Angeles...

The waiter set down their plates in front of them with a quick ‘enjoy’ before running off. Danneel bit into the salad placed in front of her, chewing delicalating as she decided on what to say. 

“You know, I have to say I was surprised you called me.” She thought back to his cryptic text that he had sent. ‘I’m in town and need to talk, can we get lunch?’ was all that it said. He had sent her the name of the cafe when she had agreed on meeting him. The two had exhausted the small talk in the time it took for their food to come and she wanted to get straight to the point. 

“I was too, to be honest. But I’ve been thinking a lot lately, and I think you may be one of the few people who can help me.” Jensen took a drink of his water, not looking in her direction. 

“Me? We haven’t exactly been pen pals all this time.” 

“I know, that means you have an outsider's view point on all of this. And you know me better than almost anyone, I trust your opinion.” Jensen stated. Danneel mouthed a ‘wow’ and sat back in her chair, wiping her face with her napkin. 

“This must be big then.” Danneel eyed the man sitting next to her, waiting for him to start with whatever it was he wanted to tell her. 

“God, where do I start, uh… I met this woman.” He began, his hand fiddling with the fork against his plate. 

“Mmmm.” Danneel hummed, the realization finally hitting her. 

“I… she is probably the best thing to ever happen to me. Actually, she’s a lot like you in some ways, brilliant, witty, and beyond beautiful. I fell for her, and I fell hard.” 

“So what is the problem exactly?” 

“I had to break things off with her. I thought what I was doing was best for her and me, but as time has gone on I’m not so sure. I can’t seem to get rid of this churning in my gut.” His tongue jetted out to wet his lower lip as he poured his heart out. This was not an easy thing for him to admit, the last thing he wanted was to hurt Danneel. 

“This girl wouldn’t happen to be Y/n Padalecki, would she?” A small smirk graced her features as Jensen snapped his gaze up to hers. 

“H...How?” 

“Well you weren’t exactly subtle when you ran after her at your birthday. Not to mention both of you were gone for too long and you returned with that little post coitus smirk you tend to get.” Danneel swirled her finger in a circle to emphasize her point. Jensen chuckled under his breath, his head shaking in disbelief. The noise grew in his chest before bubbling up into a full bellied laugh. Danneel couldn’t help but to join in, his laughter having that effect on people. 

“Would you believe that Jared asked me not to get involved with her?” Danneel nodded, she had known Jared for a while, and that did not surprise her at all. “We saw each other behind his back and when he found out, all hell broke loose. The two of them weren’t talking for two weeks.” 

“Oh, Jay…”

“Am I an idiot?” He asked her, his voice soft, as if afraid of her answer. 

“No, you are not an idiot. You’re in love, but you’re not an idiot.” Danneel held out her hand for him across the table. He took it and she squeezed his palm. “Listen, I know what it’s like to walk away from something because it is the best option for both of you, but I also believe that what’s meant to be, will be.”

“What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying if you truly love her and she loves you, you’ll find your way back to each other.” Danneel reiterated. 

“And what if we are too late?” Jensen tried. 

“Then don’t make yourself late. The least you can do is go to her and tell her how you feel. Then it’s in her hands.” 

“You make it sound so easy, Dee.” 

“Oh it’s not.” Danneel dropped his hand. “It’s downright terrifying. But do you want to live your life wondering what if?” Jensen shook his head. “Then go get her.”

Part 24

Forevers: @spn-impala​​ @22sarah08​​ @turtlepad​​ @callmekda​​ @chaldei​​ @hobby27​​ @cowboysnwinchesters​​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @pikabootoyouchu​​ @dawnie1988​​ @grease222​​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @polina-93​​ @clarinette07​​ @moonlight-babeh​​ @suckerforfanfic​​ @witandnargles​​ @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @geeksareunique​ @akshi8278​ @superfanficnatural​ @malfoysqueen14​ @deanwanddamons​ @waywardbeanie​

Et Cetera: @jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @sslater34​ @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @heartinmyhead1​ @1d-killed-me​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​ @supraveng​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @heartsaved​ @know2grow​ @littlewhiterose​ @surprisinglysarah​ @stoneyggirl​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @thebookisbtr​ @youaremyfiveever​ @kalesrebellion​ @lilulo-12​ @winchester-fantasies​ @vicmc624​ @supernatural3002​ @winchester-writes​ @maralisa124​ @therollingstoners​ @parinarain​

This is how the world ends...

You know how people who Do A Thing can’t watch movies about People Doing That Thing without having a million critiques ranging from the hilarious to the legit outraged? 

The soldiers who get pissed off watching The Hurt Locker and every single health professional who has sat through an episode of Grey’s Anatomy... have now been joined by all of us. This is what’s going to happen to every pandemic or apocalyptic movie/TV show ever made and ever will be made. 

Someone’s going to be doing a rewatch of The Walking Dead * in a few years and writing epic social media threads that go viral because “ten seasons and nobody’s so much as freaking mentioned toilet paper hoarding.” 

All those empty streets with tumbleweeds are going to make people twitch. Everyone knows that the drugstore’s still gonna be open, there will be people lined up to get in to the grocery store even if it’s just got lima beans inside, and unless they’re in one of those weird places with government-run booze, the liquor stores are open because the hospitals don’t need to see the alcoholics in withdrawal. 

All those post-apocalyptic movies where the ravaging hordes of violent thugs are the dominant species are going to be dismissed as just too unrealistic because come on, there’ll be assholes, but where are the samaritans delivering food and medicine to the vulnerable, the folks making survival gear out of whatever’s in the house and sending it to people who need it, and the minivans delivering paid-for-by-strangers meals to the first responders? 

Actual movie review: “I’m sorry, but if you’re going to do a This Is How The World Ends montage and not have a single exercise walker or a delivery dude on an e-bike with a bandanna as a mask, what are you even trying to say?”

________

* I should point out that I’ve never seen The Walking Dead and they very might well mention toilet paper. 

2021 WIGLET AWARDS

You guys! The Oscars are finally here but really: WHO CARES! TODAY IS FOR THE WIGLETS!!! Apologies for not completing all the Oscar Movie wig reviews that I really meant to do but truly: there were not many inspiring wigs this year! YET STILL the Oscars sought to nominate some of the worst possible wigs (and some of the best!) Please allow me to make sense of any of this while also awarding my own excellence in wigs.

MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING OSCARS

Yes this also includes makeup but who are we kidding? This is the wig category! Historically, the absolute worst wigs have won this category and I don’t have much hope for this year, either, but anyway, here are the nominees:

EMMA.

This bitch of a movie had the effing audacity to put a PERIODT in its title and therefore should be disqualified for grammar crimes. I am a huge fan of Clueless (obviously) and even the Goop Emma (yes, really!) but this one is pure style over substance and I don’t even really like most of its style! THIS MOVIE TRIED TO REINTRODUCE LATE 90S WHISPY RINGLETS AND FOR THAT IT SHOULD BE SENT IMMEDIATELY TO WIG JAIL. Also! I know y’all love Anya Taylor-Joy but first off: HER WIG IN THAT CHESS SHOW WAS THE WORST IN TV HISTORY and also her wig in life is horrifying. Also her whole persona is not likeable unless she’s playing a colonial witch. NEXT! 

HILLBILLY ELEGY

LOLOLOL YOU GUYS. This is what I’m screaming about - the Academy somehow manages every year to nominate (and sometimes award!) the very worst wigs of the year. How anyone could think that this frizzed out garbage wig on Amy Adams or this wig that makes Glenn Close look like Gene Shalit would possibly be award-worthy needs to seriously reevaluate their entire lives. Also PLEASE DON’T WATCH THIS MOVIE I DID AND STILL REGRET IT. NEXT!

MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM

Ok sometimes the Academy gets it right. This nomination is important not only because it is the first time African-American women were nominated in this category but also because yep: they’re the best damn wigs this year (SPOILER FOR THE WIGLETS AND WHATEVER!) Only a few photographs remain of the actual Ma Rainey and damn if they didn’t make Viola Davis look exactly like her. Leave it to some African-American ladies to get African-American hair right and let them all win Oscars, please. Oh shit there are more nominees ok...NEXT!

MANK

I watched this movie so long ago that I legit keep forgetting it exists. If you really effing love Citizen Kane, this movie is for you! But also maybe if you really really love it - don’t watch this because the whole thing is kind of tiresome so just watch the movie you like? Regardless, Amanda Seyfried’s wig is fine? NEXT!

PINOCCHIO

I haven’t seen this movie because everything about it looks like an uncanny valley of horrors and I wish it hadn’t been nominated for anything so I wouldn’t even have to look at THIS picture. However, I recently introduced my daughter to the animated Disney movie and you guys. IT DOES NOT HOLD UP. Maybe lets just all collectively forget about all Pinocchio movies, please.

IN CONCLUSION PLEASE GIVE THE OSCAR TO MA RAINEY! AND NOW FOR THE ONLY AWARDS THAT MATTER...THE WIGLETS!

BEST HAIR EXTENSIONS IN A REVENGE MOVIE: 

PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN

BEST DOWDY BROWN WIG ON A MILF:

PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN

MOST OUTRAGEOUS FEATHERED WIG (MALE):

TIE

WONDER WOMAN 1984

EUROVISION SONG CONTEST: THE STORY OF FIRE SAGA

BEST HAIR EXTENSIONS IN A MUSICAL COMEDY (FEMALE):

EUROVISION SONG CONTEST: THE STORY OF FIRE SAGA

BEST MID-LENGTH MALE WIG IN A MUSICAL COMEDY (MALE):

EUROVISION SONG CONTEST: THE STORY OF FIRE SAGA

(Ed note: I AM REALLY PULLING FOR THIS MOVIE TO WIN BEST SONG)

BEST MOM WIGS IN A PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR MOVIE:

I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS

BEST WIGS FOR FOOLING TERRIBLE PEOPLE INTO DOING EVEN MORE TERRIBLE THINGS:

BORAT SUBSEQUENT MOVIEFILM

BEST PERIOD WIGS (FEMALE): THE DIG

BEST PERIOD WIGS (MALE):

ONE NIGHT IN MIAMI

BEST MALE WIGS:

TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7

BEST FEMALE WIGS:

MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM

BEST WIGS IN A TV MOVIE (OR ANY MOVIE OR TV SHOW):

CHRISTMAS ON THE SQUARE

YOU CAN’T GET BETTER WIGS THAN DOLLY, PEOPLE. 

Survey #367

“i should warn you that you may fuck me, but chances are i’m gonna fuck you over”

Where was the last place you went for vacation? The beach. When was the last time you wore makeup? Halloween. Do you watch soaps or drama series? If so, which ones? Not currently. What’s your favourite tomato variety? I hate tomatoes. What was your very first pet like? Dad had a dog named Trigger when I was born, but I have no memory of her, so I'm excluding her. I consider our first family pet to be Chance, a cat my mom took in after finding her literally in the trash. She was... god, incredible. She was a loyal friend, and I can imagine no greater mother than she was (she legit fought off a rottweiler head-on to protect her kittens). She was so smart, so gentle, and just simply amazing. I'll always miss her. What was the best school project you remember doing? Looking back, despite the fact it TERRIFIED me before, that would be my senior project presentation. It was about snake misconceptions and fallacies, so I made a slideshow to present to the special ed class. I made drawings for them to color, word searches, all that kind of stuff. They were just the sweetest and seemed really into it. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? None. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I really... don't like thinking about this. Like I'm weak enough now at 25, I can't imagine how my, say, 60s would be. I hope and just about pray that my physical health will improve, but I'm just going to exclude that part entirely from this answer. Personality-wise and such, I have a feeling I'll be the quiet and sweet kind, the one that loves her (hopeful) spouse like crazy, and comes most alive on Halloween if I live in a place where children come trick-or-treating. I imagine I would LOVE that. I'd love to be the type that goes on morning jogs to help stay spry. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin and Chester Bennington might be tied. Both were so, so sudden. Steve was like, invincible to my childhood eyes, and when I heard about Chester's death, I thought it was just a sick rumor. Two amazing people that died way too soon. What’s the craziest colour you’d dye your hair? That would depend on personal opinions. I want to dye my hair LOTS of colors though, if that tells you anything. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus. It's a pretty short game if you know what you're doing, and it's super relaxing to me and just so goddamn pretty to look at. Every time I've played it has just been a pleasant experience. Do you like meatloaf? Yeah, it's fine. How about Meatloaf? I know who he is, but I've never really listened to his music. Do you take time to do charitable work? If so, what do you do? No. ;_; Especially with all the free time I have, I really should... What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Okay, don't ask, but if I for a SECOND see that commercial of Mr. Clean dancing while he's cleaning, I will die because of memories. What is something you hope you will never inherit from a specific relative? Diabetes. It runs heavily in my family. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name: The Human Centipede. No. Thank you. Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. What’s your dearest souvenir? The stuffed moose I got at Cabela's during a visit to Ohio. I named him Brownie, and he was my "childhood plushie" we all have. Is there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? Not in the actual area I live in, but there are DEFINITELY places where it's a pigsty of distasteful shit. Have you ever made your own soda? (Soda Stream doesn’t count!) No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Have you ever been part of a theater group? No, that stuff doesn't interest me. What’s the most ecological thing you do? We recycle, and I also use metal straws. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. There is no fucking way I could do it. What’s your favourite board game? Why do you like it best? I like Clue just because of the mystery-solving factor, and I think it's kinda cool how you can think ahead and use other's findings to your own advantage to win the game pretty early. Besides English, what other languages can you speak? Some German. It's gotten pretty weak with neglect, though. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you’ve been? This is a complicated answer that I just don't feel like elaborating on. What’s the most freeing thing you’ve ever done? Letting Jason go. Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? If not, would you even want to try one? No, and I'm not interested. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? Honeysuckles. What has been your worst restaurant experience? Well, it's a fast food restaurant, but lemme tell you about my vegetarian encounter with Burger King. I ordered their veggie burger. Which they have. It's not a secret. These idiots gave me a bun with tomato and lettuce, and I think mayo on it, after sounding confused when Mom was ordering for me. Mom went back in there of course to tell them, and oh god was the manager pissed, lol. I got my veggie burger in the end. What’s the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? Some sexually inappropriate jokes can still get me sadly, lol. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? Not literally, but boy do I think depression counts. Do you ever compare your life to somebody else’s? If so, why? Y E P. I can't tell you why, I just... do it. I look at other's successes and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?", and beat myself up about being a failure. What is a food item or a dish you absolutely cannot stand? Brussel sprouts, asparagus, runny eggs, many other things because I'm just mega picky. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? Just the spray paint kind that vendors like to do at the beach and stuff. I don't remember any I got, though. What does your favourite mug look like? It's black with a Markiplier quote on it, given to me by Sara. :') Do you ever read other people’s survey answers? Yeah! Friends', anyway. I love learning all the obscure things about them. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, specifically early morning, because it's better for my depression. Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower? A follower that isn't afraid to speak up when I'm really against something. What is your favourite song right now at this very moment? I've been really into "7empest" by Tool lately, and the synthwave edit of "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, who was your favourite character? I don't remember it well, but I think I liked the butler. Was there even a butler? Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') Do you have any plants in your home? No. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous colour you use? I only ever use black. What was the last photograph you took? My cat being adorable while sleeping. <3 Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? No. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer? I absolutely hated it. Do you have a headache at the moment? Yes, actually. I've really been attacked by the Covid shot side effects. Are your parents still together? No, thank god. What was the last hot food you ate? I made a chicken and I think pesto (some Italian noodles, idk) Healthy Choice bowl for dinner last night. Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No. :( Do you ever feel afraid people will question your sanity? I'm sure people have before, and back then? Rightfully so. Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Never watched it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Always. It's so weird how it's gotten worse with time since leaving school, even though I write... Were you a straight A student in math? Yeah, no. I usually got Bs or Cs. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. I don't really like yellow. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? Have a stable job. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES. Do you feel a connection to the moon? It's not something I think about, so not really, but I do believe all things in the universe are connected in some way. We are simply a part of nature, as all else is. What does your heart long for? Contentment in who I am and where I am in life. I know I also miss being in love. Do you know what your purpose in life is? We have no innate purpose; we make our own, and I want mine to be to show others that there is always hope for yourself in yourself, and also to spread the message of love of all animals. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year I didn't. I really should change that this go around. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes! They're a kind of rare sight here sadly, so when I had the opportunity to photograph a fox tragically as roadkill, it was a photographic experience I won't forget. God, I wanted to pet it (I obviously didn't), but I did talk to it about how beautiful (s)he was as I got some shots. I never had a harder time leaving one of those angels I've taken pictures of. Do you find Halloween fun or scary? FUN!!!!!! Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Not at all. What do the trees look like where you live? I mean, there's a variety, but the staple that you see literally everywhere are pine trees. What is your dream vacation? Somewhere with mountains, clear lakes, cool weather, beautiful and various wildlife... What was the best vacation you’ve been on so far? Disney World as a kid. What is the best class trip you’ve been on? The zoo in the 5th grade. It was the one occasion I got to see meerkats. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I lived for them. Do you find museums boring or interesting? I find science museums to be very, very fascinating. Art ones are great, too. What are three issues you are passionate about? LGBT rights, the pro-choice movement, and wildlife conservation, to name a few. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all. What size is your bed? Queen. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? When we were experimenting with my Klonopin dosage, I learned that 3mg was enough to knock me on my ASS. Do you like bath bombs? I mean they're pretty, but I wouldn't waste money on 'em. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Yikes, a looooooot. But this also depends on what you think qualifies as "small." Most of my favorite "small" YTers are tarantula keepers or sub-1M let's players. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier obviously, Snake Discovery, Good Mythical Morning (even if I don't watch them anymore, they are veeery dear to my heart and I will always support them), Sam & Colby... Again, there's a lot. When you don't watch TV and YT instead, you really get attached to a lot of them. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Would you believe me if I said Pussycat Dolls? haha Do you like Disney movies? Um, DUH. Were you ever in the popular crowd? No. Have you ever used an outhouse? UGH, at like childhood sports games, yes. I could NEVER nowadays, oh my god. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I have the creativity to, but not the dedication. Are there any foods that make you gag? Beans, for one. I just canNOT with them. It's a completely involuntary reaction. Have you ever had blonde highlights in your hair? I think I did? Who was the last person you video-chatted with? The lady who was seeing if I qualified for TMS therapy. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? Definitely not, I love those. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I don't actually want one, but if I did, I'd go to a serious professional to get THE Darkiplier smile. :') If u know u know. Do you have any stickers on any of your electronic devices? No. Do you think half blonde/half dark brown hair is attractive? It looks great on some people, but it's not my favorite combo.

Just fyi, & happy “Independence” day

If you guys see a post about a Change.org petition against Mark Zuckerberg to stop him from suing Native Hawaiians for land on Kaua‘i island, like, IT’S A WEIRD SORT OF MISINFORMATION.

I saw it 2x on my dashboard, and thought, huh?  This sounds really familiar, didn’t this happen awhile ago?  (Spoiler: 4 years ago, but the petition was made a week ago?!).  Please don’t reblog that useless petition, or delete it if you already did.

Here’s why this whole business makes me feel like 🤮:

1. Sometime in 2016, the Facebook guy was looking at his Kauai property and thought, hm, I need to own the beach over there, too (you know, how greedy rich people are).

2. He filed a bunch of quiet lawsuits to figure out who owns the land surrounding him and bid them out.  Turns out the property is owned by hundreds of different people, some Native Hawaiians since The Great Mahele (Kuleana Act & disastrous Alien Land Ownership Act) in 1850, but most of the owners were descended from one Portuguese plantation “worker” (must’ve been high up in the chain of command to be able to buy so much land back then).

3. Turns out only one descendent was paying taxes on and taking care of the land, some descendents knew about this private beach and used it, still other “family” members didn’t even know about their 0.5% parcel of land until they got notice of the lawsuit.

4. Facebook guy and tax-paying guy sorta kinda team up, the other cousins are outraged.  Facebook guy eventually drops out of this lawsuit/family dispute due to local public outcry HELLO OKAY YOU SEE HOW THIS IS OLD NEWS NOW?, but then tax-paying guy is still like, Yeah, I need to consolidate the parcels under only my ownership, let’s continue this lawsuit.  It’s in everyone’s best interests that I own the land.   (...So family drama wasn’t over.  I don’t know how the story ended, but whatever.)

Moral of the story: Zuckerberg still a poop-blazing example of a truly complete, total haole who doesn’t understand the significance of kuleana lands.  

And also importantly, a lot of that disputed land was privately owned by a Portuguese man, who bought it using money earned from working the plantations, yes, oh the strange irony in that due to the fact that it was the plantation businessmen who overthrew Queen Lili‘uokalani, and brought the unconstitutional end of the Hawaiian Kingdom in 1893.  This is just an example of how super rich people like the Facebook guy exacerbate and contribute to the continued systemic oppression of Native Hawaiians, how stupid laws and the Facebook guy got local, even native, families fighting against each other over land piece by piece, and how the State of Hawaii is in fact COLONIZED stolen land in the first place (happy independence day for who now?).

Initially what annoyed me so much is the false premise of the petition, whoever posted it barely looked into the background behind it (I mean, it’s 3-4 years old news, why make a petition now). 

But then I got myself worked up thinking about how this whole story in itself reads as some kind of...mockery?...of Native Hawaiian issues, how the person who posted it obviously doesn’t actually care about understanding the history and importance of native lands and just wanted to point a finger at this Facebook dude since he’s trending.  And how there’s hundreds of thousands of people just joining in on this ignorance, signing that totally useless petition without knowing any better (like petitions are great, but this one is just....so misguided).

Anyway, instead of signing that petition for a lawsuit that’s no longer even happening, there are other better ways to show allyship with indigenous people.

Donate to:

Aloha ‘Aina Support Fund (Protect Mauna Kea, yeah, the TMT protest is still happening)

Polynesian Voyaging Society (practically single-handedly started the Hawaiian Cultural Renaissance, also, they inspired the movie Moana👍🏼)

Hale ‘Opio Kaua‘i - Youth Development & Treatment, specifically Kaua‘i island.

Malama Pono Health Services - specifically Kaua‘i island.

University of Hawaii - Native Hawaiian Student Services Aid Fund

Women in Need Hawaii - specifically Kaua‘i and Oahu islands.

Kumu’s Cupboard - School Supplies for Kaua‘i Educators

Even better is allyship for an indigenous nation near you:

Fundraiser for Navajo & Hopi Families COVID-19 Relief

Dr. Michelle Tom’s Cause for Navajo Nation to fight COVID-19

American Indian College Fund

National Indian Council on Aging

Native American Heritage Association - Food Security & Necessities on Reservations in South Dakota and Wyoming

Inuit Circumpolar Council Alaska

Or if you have no money to give, just please keep in mind and maybe tell someone else that July 4th celebrates the independence of white Americans from Britain, all while these white Americans were simultaneously colonizing stolen land and causing 

genocide of indigenous people, culturally and literally, to today.

Celebrate the freedom to criticize the USA’s hypocrisy at its very roots 🇺🇸

Oh.  And this shouldn’t have to be said, but before reblogging petitions, donation accounts, etc., please make sure they’re legit?  Native issues get run over and forgotten about all the time by Mainland America, no need to rub it in with something wrong and useless like that petition.

a favour asked like none ever before.

Fake dating. An ancient trope from the very beginning of time - or like, whenever the rom-com gods started working their movie magic. It’s tried and true, a move that always has a satisfying happy ending. 

Well, at least in the movies. In the real world, it’s a suggestion that’s much more messy and complicated for any sort of good end. It’s bitter and heart-wrenching and convoluted, leading to tears and shouts and vases being thrown - or, something like that. Could this trope even ever truly work?

OR, Diego Hargreeves needs a favour unlike anything he’s ever asked for before.

WORD COUNT: 2700+. WARNINGS: A couple swear words. A super worn out trope. Possibly bad, definitely unedited writing. You know the drill. A/N: I wrote this while I was supposed to be doing my job, while scrolling through a selection of one of my favourite cliche tropes. This is just a dumb little thing I made from it. If you want a part two of this, let me know (and as well, if you want to be added to the series’ taglist, let me know, too). xx

“I NEED YOU TO DATE ME.”

Of all the things she had heard leave Diego Hargreeves lips, perhaps that was the strangest one, to date.

It was the delivery that really sold it - though the words were crazy on their own, the way he said it did not help to make it more sane a request. Him, rushing in through her window as though his ass was on fire, clutching a bag and sporting a wild look in his eyes that never meant good. And before she could even mutter a single thing about him scaring her by doing that, or even finish the yelp of surprise she never could get over, he said those very words.

“I need you to date me.”

Y/N let her shouts of indigence die in her throat, replaced instead by confusion. She watched him dump the bag on her counter and act as he normally would; grab a beer, slip his boots by the door, as though it was his place and not hers. As though he had not just said the most outrageous sentence to ever be uttered in the history of their long and convoluted friendship.

“I - n - what!?”

Diego paused in his movements, sparing her a quick glance before turning away, as though his words were not a complete oddity - enough to inspire like, a late seventies David Bowie album. “What?”

“Uh - did you just hop through my window, say ‘hey we should date’ and then proceed to ‘what’ me as if this is all normal as shit!?”

Diego frowned only then, wagging his beer bottle at her as he swallowed his gulp. “Hey, no, I did not say ‘we should date’.”

“That’s basically what you just screamed into my previously peaceful apartment.”

“There’s a huge fuckin’ difference ‘tween what I said and ‘we should date’!”

“God, I really see why you’re single now. You have no twig of romance in your body, Hargreeves, and you also make absolutely no sense at all!”

“C’mon, Y/N I really don’t want to date you.”

And all she could say to that, after a brief moment of merely blinking, was, “well, shit, thanks?”

“Ah, c’mon - I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, nah, I mean I can’t say I’m terribly eager to hop on that relationship train with you, but you don’t have to be so harsh about it. I’ll have you know, I am somewhat of a catch.”

Diego sighed and leant his weight against the wall, cradling his beer in one hand and rubbing his face with the other. “It’s just a weird thing to talk about.”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought this up, not me.”

“You got somethin’ to eat?”

“Diego, focus please.”

He threw his hands up in defense, a half-smirk just barely dusting his features. “Sorry, it’s just - look, I’ll be straight.”

“Great, please do that so I don’t combust from all this confusion,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out at his rolled eyes.

“I need a favour from you. A big one, but you owe me, so…”

“Oh, I owe you now?”

“Yeah, don’t you remember last month?”

Her hands fell to her hips, mouth agape in frustrated surprise. “Last month, when I paid you back legit the next day? Stitching your ass up at four in the morning means nothing to you now?”

“Okay, fine, yeah - I know, I ask a lot, but this...I need this. An’ it’s not like I’ve got anyone else.”

“‘That makes me feel so much better.”

He fell off the wall and moved nearer, a pout on his full lips now. His hands moved to hers, bringing them up to his own chest. “C’mon. I’ll make it up to you however you want.”

Immediately, Y/N felt a smirk grow on her face. “Oh, anything?”

“Okay, I-”

“-suddenly, I’m so much more interested,” she giggled, tugging her hands away just so she could pinch his cheeks. Diego shuddered away with a glare, only leaving her laughing harder. “Alright, alright, dummy. What do you need me for this time? Lay it on me.”

“I need you to play my girlfriend.”

Her smile remained, but it was suddenly more strained, weaker and more fake. “Uh-huh. Okay. Um....so. Just...what does that mean, exactly?”

“I need to get my siblings off my ass. They don’t shut up about it, how lonely I apparently am-”

“-I mean, I am your only friend, sweetie-”

“-an’ they keep setting me up, actin’ like they’re gonna find me my future wife. It was fine at first,” he sighed, pausing to gulp down more of his beer. “I didn’t give a shit, but now I’m losing my mind. I’ve had enough of wasting nights pretending I give a damn about people’s jobs and hobbies - you know how many people in this city who think they can sing? Cause there’s way too many a’them out there.”

Y/N chewed her lip. “I see your point, really I do, but c’mon. This is a lot. Having me as your girlfriend? That’s a lot more than just like, nightly first aid sessions.”

“I know it’s a lot, but it’s not like it’s for real.”

“We’re gonna have to pretend it’s real.”

Diego rolled his eyes and sank into her couch. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’ve got a whole plan. I tell ‘em that I’m taken, that’ll entertain them a week until I bring up the fact that it’s you. After that, we go out a couple times, do one or two dinners, and then break up maybe two months later. Simple.”

“Okay, but I don’t wanna break up with you and have things weird,” she argued, crossing her arms against her chest. Maybe it was a protective move she did not even consciously make, an attempt to hide the fact her heart was pounding harder than she thought possible. For no understandable reason, this whole concept was making her nervous - and not just because of his plan. “I don’t wanna be kicked out of your and their lives because we ‘broke up’.”

“You won’t.”

“How?”

“We’ll say we tried and it didn’t work out, that we were better as friends.” Diego shrugged, as though he was merely suggesting they order a pizza. 

“Okay, sure. But do you really think we can seriously pull this off in front of them? I don’t know how we’re gonna look like n’act like a serious couple.”

The truth was, though, that they already were seen as one to the rest of the Hargreeves. And they both knew it. Every time they were remotely interacting, one of them made a sly comment, or brought up the fact that they would look ‘so cute together’. Klaus even questioned their defenses for a long while, asking if they were just together in secret and not saying anything about it. They were not, of course, but that did not stop the dysfunctional set of siblings from telling them they should get together.

In the eyes of the Hargreeves, Diego and Y/N were perfect for each other. They probably just had to look at one another to sell the idea - but neither one wanted to bring that up.

“We’ll practice. Work out a system. It’s not like we have to get married, we just gotta attend a couple dinners and parties and hold hands and shit.”

Y/N felt her lip sting, and absent-mindedly she touched at the area she had been picking at. Her finger came back spotted with red. “I don’t know, man. This is a lot. Even just a couple months - what if one of us finds somebody for real?”

“Well, then, we’ll call it quits early.”

“You sure?”

He nodded in fake seriousness, but the smirk on his lips told a different story. “Sure, if you find the love of your life in the two months we gotta do this, I’ll find you a way out.”

“Shut up,” she shot back, though she too grinned a little - it was no secret the pair had less than desirable love lives. “Don’t tease your girlfriend like that, maybe I’m sensitive.”

Just before he could give his own retort, his eyes widened in slight realisation. “Wait, for real”

“I mean...what do I have to lose?”

Diego immediately lifted off the couch and moved to her, pulling her in a tight hug not characteristic for him. She stiffened in the embrace, unsure what to do or where to put her hands. Luckily for her, the moment was over within seconds, with him pulling away and headed back into her tiny kitchen to toss his beer. She was able to breath and push away the panic that had set in with the unexpected touch, prepare herself for acting normal in the face of unknown territory.

Y/N followed him into the kitchen, pulling a beer out for herself and tossing a second one to him. “We have to make some rules, if we’re gonna do this right, though.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah. Like guidelines and shit. I know you have your so-called plan, but I’m only going to go through with this if we have a concrete system set in place.” She paused, frowning at his smile. “What?”

Diego shook his head, still grinning. “Nothing. You’re just such a teacher.”

Y/N just stuck her tongue out and turned away. “You’ll thank me for this later, if and when we get stuck in a double date with like, Allison or something.”

“Sure, sure.”

She set herself down on the couch and reached for her laptop. Diego made his way over and sank in beside her, watching as she pulled up a new word document. In big letters, Y/N typed out the title: ‘DIEGO AND Y/N’S FAKE RELATIONSHIP GUIDELINES’.

“Okay. First rule?” Her hands flew across the keyboard. “If at any point, I want out, I’m out.”

Diego nodded. “Sure. An’ vice versa.”

“Uh-huh. Alright. What else?”

“Uh...okay, we have to do a minimum of two family dinners.” The Hargreeves monthly get-togethers were already essential in both lives, a point where all siblings could reconnect under one roof again and pretend like they were a normal family. Y/N often showed up on request, but not for every one. Though that would change. “Fully committed to the relationship.”

She chewed her bottom lip as she typed, ignoring the faint metallic taste filling her mouth. It was far from the first thought in her mind, just then. “Great, fine. Should we consider behaviour? Like, what I have to do to pretend to be hopelessly in love with you?”

Diego chuckled beside her, a low rasp that made her heart twinge in a way she did not understand. “I guess the standard couple shit. Holding hands, hugs, uh-”

“-kissing?”

She heard him swallow beside her, clearly a nervous point, yet he managed to keep his voice steady. “Probably necessary.”

“Okay,” she drew out, “but like - to what extent?”

“Well, I’m not saying we have to have sex in front of them, if that’s what you mean.”

“Not at all what I’m saying, dumbass,” she retorted, slapping his leg lightly. “I just mean, what are we saying? Cheek, pecks?”

“Nothing too big. Probably the cheek is fine, headshots.”

“Headshots? What, are you’re gonna kill me with a smooch on the temple, man?”

He let out a soft ‘ha’. “I have been known to be deadly with my-”

“-you really don’t need to even bother with finishing that sentence,” she said with a smirk. Her fingers pounded the keyboard, carefully writing out her addition to the rule. “Um, I guess we don’t have to worry about our story, considering everyone already knows we’re close. What’s the situation we should say progressed us from friends to dating, though?”

Diego shrugged. “Somethin’ simple. I came over one day and you realised you just couldn’t resist my charm anymore, and had to confess your attraction to my-”

“-or,” she shot back, turning to look up at him, “you stopped by soaking wet-”

“-why would I soaking wet?”

“From the rain, don’t be gross. It was raining of course, and super late and you came by to profess your adoration for me and everything I do, begging me to take you even though I was far from in your league, that I was the prettiest girl in the world and you could never begin to tell me how much I mean to you.”

He laughed at that, but just slightly, his face reddened - though that could have been the light, Y/N mused. “Guess we’ll meet in the middle. We wanted to give it a try, and then we realised we were actually good together.”

“Sure. Just clean n’simple. Great.”

Still looking down at her through half-lidded eyes, Diego nodded. He wore a strange expression, one she could not quite read. “Works,” he mumbled back, softer than before.

Y/N tore her gaze from his and began to type again. She coughed to clear her throat, feeling a bit odd out of the blue. “Um, so, we’re probably gonna have to fake it for my sister, too. If she hears I’m with someone, even you, she’s gonna pull a whole interrogation scheme out.”

“Sure. Guess that’s fair.”

“You know she’s ruthless.”

“I can handle her.”

Y/N smiled softly. “You say that now, but...alright. Okay, so, dates, dinners, PDA, um...what are you gonna call me?”

“What d’you mean?”

She shifted on the couch so she could see him again - that time, less so right in his face. “You know, couple nicknames and what not.”

“Oh. Do we need that?”

“Well we don’t need it, but it’s probably better if we have some set up to sell the story a bit better. We don’t sound believable if I call my boyfriend ‘man’ n’shit.”

Diego stifled a yawn and swirled his bottle, watching the liquid splash within the bottle. “Okay. What do you want?”

“Nothing cheesy - if you call me honey, or something cheesy, I will punch you. Like princess n’ all that is a no go.”

He grinned. “How about precious? Angel?”

“Don’t you dare-”

“-I’m kiddin. I think I’d barf,” he said, still chuckling. “Let’s just leave that alone, I don’t think we need to worry about it.”

Y/N shrugged, glancing down to delete the rule. “Fine. But if you dare call me something garbage, I will leave you right then and there.”

“You have no faith in me,” he teased, nudging her with the bottle. She shivered, the cold sending chills down her spine. “C’mon, I think this is fine. We know each other, we’re adults, we know how to lie. I mean, I fooled you for six months into believin’ I was just wounded from boxing fights.”

She giggled at that. “Please. I knew a week into you showing up who you were. I’ve lived long enough in this city to know what was up. You’re not as good of a liar as you think - I don’t think you can keep a thing from me, honestly.”

Diego grinned and mumbled something at that, something she could not quite catch, but she let it go. “Fine. Whatever. The rules are fine.”

“Exactly.” She cleared her throat and adjusted the screen, ready to read them aloud. “Okay, here is the extensive list of guidelines for Diego and Y/N’s fake relationship, always subject to change or additions.

At any point, either person in the relationship can ask to leave and break off the arrangement, REGARDLESS of time and place. There must be a good reason.

PDA wise, hand holding, embraces, kisses to the cheek or head, respectable touches and actions are all fine.

Kissing is fine if the situation requires it, but only the necessary amounts.

Stick with the story - we decided to try being a couple, went on a date and decided to go forward and now we’re together (subject to revision).

A required two Hargreeves family dinners need to be completed in order to fulfill the relationship - not including any separate, smaller occasions that may arise. As well, there must be a meeting of Y/L/N’s sister in order to fulfill the agreement.

A minimum of two months is required for the relationship (unless there is reason to withdraw, see first rule).

No stupid cheesy couple pet names.

No actually falling for the other person.

At the last one, Diego frowned. “What is number six about?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not serious,” she grinned. “But you know how this shit goes. In rom-coms, they always fall for each other and things get messy.”

“This isn’t a movie.”

“No shit, Sherlock. But it’s funny and it’s just a stupid rule.” She paused to poke at him teasingly. “What, you looking to marry me after all this?”

He rolled his eyes. “I just mean it’s unnecessary, but fine.”

“Great. I’ll give you a copy of this, just to consult if you ever forget.”

“Thanks so much,” he shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Is that it, then?”

Y/N slammed her laptop down and in response, lifted her beer bottle to meet his. “I believe that makes it official...boyfriend.”

He laughed as the glass clinked. “Fantastic...girlfriend.”

“Jeez,” she grumbled, downing a swig before finishing the softly spoken thought. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Tell me about it.”

The two then fell into a funny silence, staring away from one another and sipping at their beers, both at a loss for words. It seemed as though just then, the situation had sunk in for the pair and they had no idea what to say to their now (albeit fake) partner. All they could do was stare at the ground and wall respectively and silently wonder, just what the hell they had gotten themselves into.

Zelda & Zach

ihatemyguts: Good thing you told me how bubble boy posi Robyn’s ‘rents are

ihatemyguts: ‘cos that felt like such a brush-off

ihatemyguts: I feel kinda bad, it’s low-key just upset her with no shopping trip pay-off 😬

inandout: your first date was today

inandout: the insane jealousy must have forced me to forget

ihatemyguts: Obviously

ihatemyguts: moping and staring out of open windows would be bad for your health

ihatemyguts: probably

ihatemyguts: can’t have that

inandout: mope hard enough and fling myself all over the house, they’ll call it exercise

ihatemyguts: I’d let Rob know but her parents would probably sue me

ihatemyguts: I did some research

ihatemyguts: and yeah, flare-ups fucking suck, but if she was struggling that bad rn she’d be in hospital getting her 💉 on

ihatemyguts: makes me ⁉️ if the meetup will happen

inandout: makes me wonder if her brothers are allowed out

inandout: if they are maybe they can help us smuggle her to the meetup

ihatemyguts: not just a pretty face

ihatemyguts: that’s a damn good idea

ihatemyguts: I can slide in their DMs

inandout: Cranking up the jealousy metre to give me a full work out, I see, are you gonna be a PE teacher when you grow up?

ihatemyguts: *prays they aren’t like 12*

ihatemyguts: imagine if that was my life’s ambition

ihatemyguts: wear unflattering sportswear and give kids complexes

ihatemyguts: even without the potential life-shortening illness, I’d reconsider that

inandout: it tracks that you’d wanna make them 💩 and bringing back the bleep test could work

ihatemyguts: okay I’m not 🦹‍♀️ or 🐯 levels of sweet but is that what you really think of me? 😏

inandout: I think there’s only one rebel teacher coming to mind and I haven’t watched that film so all I know is they stand on desks

inandout: probably not a perfect fit for you

ihatemyguts: I could force you to watch it for our first date

ihatemyguts: and ask you, what your dream job would be

inandout: Netflix and chill or cinema screening of the ‘classics’?

inandout: we could do a drive-thru

ihatemyguts: hmm 🤔

ihatemyguts: there are pluses to ‘em all

ihatemyguts: cinema, we could laugh at all the snobs and 🤓s

inandout: Cool, reach out to me with the time + date when it’s showing

inandout: Are you allowed 🍿?

ihatemyguts: oh hell no

ihatemyguts: have to find another way to hold my hand

inandout: 🦸‍♀️ said she was gonna look up ice breakers and stuff, hopefully it was a fruitful search and she won’t mind sharing the info

ihatemyguts: do you think she legit didn’t realize how thirsty that boy was for her

ihatemyguts: or is it all uwu coy-ness

inandout: It’s hard to tell

inandout: but if I remember my glasses I’ll do my best to decode her body language from 6 ft away

ihatemyguts: aside from hospital, have you ever met someone else with cf?

inandout: Nope

inandout: jokes aside, it really is discouraged

ihatemyguts: that’s a hard one to get your head around

ihatemyguts: far as adjustments go

inandout: getting Robbie at this meetup won’t be easy

inandout: separate ones mean we might not have her there

ihatemyguts: I reckon we can trust you and Kara to keep the teen love story fictional

ihatemyguts: for all our sake’s

inandout: She’ll get her man

inandout: it’s not like bad advice and dating pitfalls are just a click away

ihatemyguts: cosmos never steered ANYONE wrong

inandout: Yahoo answers neither

ihatemyguts: might be confused as to why they’re not related

inandout: [I like to think he’s just sending his fave yahoo answer answers now for the lols]

ihatemyguts: [meme back and forth lads]

ihatemyguts: if she gets her date we could go into the matchmaker business

ihatemyguts: start at home

ihatemyguts: 🤖 don’t last forever

inandout: Rob’ll need to be next or she won’t forgive us

inandout: and we’ll soon get tired/guilty of seeing the amount of 😿💔 spam the chat

ihatemyguts: we’ll have to liberate her first

ihatemyguts: in a literal way

ihatemyguts: not the pretentious, free your 🧠 type of vibe

inandout: Kidnap’s playing into her parents’ fears but we don’t have a better option

ihatemyguts: now it’s my turn for a potential 💡

ihatemyguts: what if that is exactly what she should do

inandout: jump scare them?

ihatemyguts: if she did some actual wild shit to show them they’re being suffocating, ‘scuse the mention, then they’ll have to compromise and let her do normal kid things and everyone will win

ihatemyguts: I realize getting her to wild out might be a problem

ihatemyguts: catfish it though?

inandout: 💡⭐️

inandout: getting her to agree to do it for real would take longer than we have but you’re right, faking it wouldn’t take any time at all

ihatemyguts: get Lauren to picture whatever the hell she’s up to

ihatemyguts: sorted

inandout: + there’s your next photo challenge ready to be accepted, dressing as if you were going on a date with 👵🌈✨ instead

ihatemyguts: hold my neon

ihatemyguts: and think, do we clue Rob in on this plan now or do it on her behalf first, ‘cos we could hit up her house phone with some madness to get ‘em sus now and when she’s like wuuuuut it’ll sound even more

ihatemyguts: or is that a bit evil genius instead of 🦹‍♀️

inandout: Does she even have a house phone? We don’t

inandout: you’ll have to find another way to trick my parents into believing I’m a badass

ihatemyguts: I bet they do

ihatemyguts: can’t trust a mobile

ihatemyguts: and I bet they don’t have a microwave, they’re that sort

ihatemyguts: obvs I’ll just direct them to Lauren on your friends list with a 🤔

inandout: We should probably warn her, in case she takes it the wrong way

inandout: or decides to stand up to them for her YA movie moment

ihatemyguts: yeah, you’re right

ihatemyguts: if she doesn’t go for it, her brothers might be of use still

ihatemyguts: have to focus my evil energy elsewhere

ihatemyguts: such as…

ihatemyguts: 🥁

ihatemyguts: [one of the crazier lewks from babyteeth for the photo challenge]

inandout: 🤞🏻 one of them is old enough to drive the people carrier

inandout: Uhh… that was a suspiciously fast transformation

ihatemyguts: didn’t know you was challenging a pro?

ihatemyguts: and someone with a lot of time on her hands

inandout: I do now

inandout: and I’m guessing it’s not every day you get stood up based on what else I know about you

ihatemyguts: it’s a first

ihatemyguts: not that I constantly ask people out

ihatemyguts: but that is what I’ve put across so fair enough

ihatemyguts: what am I interrupting for you?

inandout: I’m waiting on friends

inandout: this could end in both of us being stood up

ihatemyguts: am I a drag you down with me type?

ihatemyguts: hmm

ihatemyguts: nah, I’ll cross my fingers that your friends aren’t flaky

inandout: Late, but I’d be too if it wasn’t my house

inandout: What are you gonna do now shopping’s off?

ihatemyguts: life is one big photo challenge, right

ihatemyguts: yours is ‘whatever will make your friends double-take when they open the door’

ihatemyguts: it’s a good question

ihatemyguts: we’re going to virtual shop tomorrow but she wasn’t up for it today

inandout: Wait for it and their faces

inandout: + you’re virtually invited to watch movies and play games, you won’t be the only one who isn’t here in person

ihatemyguts: 👍

ihatemyguts: cool

ihatemyguts: meeting new people is my new thing, as long as your mates are down/not the level of nerd that they might get a nosebleed if a girl is about

inandout: Some of them are girls if that helps

inandout: and my brother won’t be there to bring down the cool

ihatemyguts: low-key a shame

ihatemyguts: have to meet him before the first date though

inandout: I’ve got a father you can ask for permission if you’re feeling old-fashioned

ihatemyguts: full set

ihatemyguts: fun

ihatemyguts: mines in scotland so we’ll let you off that trek

inandout: But a road trip is a coming of age movie staple! 😫 Has Netflix aired any YA without one + are you willing to take that risk?

inandout: mine’s a workaholic but we’ve got years to catch him

ihatemyguts: forget the meds, see who gets fucked up first

ihatemyguts: it’d be a journey, for sure

ihatemyguts: do you know what he does? ‘cos so’s mine and I couldn’t tell you, tbh

inandout: Or mix them up and see what happens when you take the ones for my 💩

inandout: He’s a sales manager, he says, but why so vague?

ihatemyguts: sounds like something they’d do at cool parties

ihatemyguts: and that sounds suspish

ihatemyguts: they should have this 🤓 but with a moustache instead of the buckteeth

ihatemyguts: dads are elusive creatures… conspiracy time, what are they all up to

inandout: Not sure that’s the topic Rich has been watching vids on but I’ll ask

ihatemyguts: he can always tactfully ignore you if he’s 😳

ihatemyguts: like he does with 👵🌈✨ when she’s extra

ihatemyguts: more than usual

inandout: Be harder to do that in person

ihatemyguts: I think everyone will still get on

ihatemyguts: unless fibrofog shows, then that’ll be teen show worthy drama, of course

inandout: I think he’s genuinely blocked, he’d need a 2nd account to find out about it

ihatemyguts: hope he’s seen catfish too

inandout: He’d be a fan of the one where the man refused to believe it wasn’t Katy Perry

ihatemyguts: it does seem like the sort of thing she’d do

ihatemyguts: poor bastard

inandout: 😂

ihatemyguts: ultimate photo challenge, catfishing everyone and then going for the ruveal

ihatemyguts: might need more than just a wig 🤔😏

inandout: Dressing like her would make my friends do a double-take

inandout: [pics of some of her outrageous lewks with his head put on]

ihatemyguts: 😂😂😂

ihatemyguts: you suit the 🍦🧁🍭🍩✨

inandout: We’ve probably got a can of squirty cream lying around for hot chocolate

ihatemyguts: inhaler but make it ~sExxxIii~

inandout: [a lil video of his failed attempt to re-create that in her insta DMs or wherever because idk if they can send stuff like that here]

ihatemyguts: Katy dat you 😍😍

inandout: I’ve agreed to only string you along for 4 years not 6 and I don’t have any savings to spend 25% of on a 💍

inandout: looks like the comparison starts and stops with our black curls

ihatemyguts: not much of an orlando bloom clone myself so it’s alright

ihatemyguts: pirate is always an excellent disabled-friendly costume though so add that to the ideas board we should start

inandout: If we decide the next meetup is fancy dress, Lauren will never go back home

ihatemyguts: that’s the mood

inandout: [sends her whatever he did for the photo challenge and his friends reaction to it because why not say they’ve arrived and there’s a similar feral mood here]

He snapped. I was legit wondering how long it was gonna take the directors to speak up about this travesty. Don't get me wrong, I am a big fan of streaming services for stuff like drama and meditative films that do not require big spectacle, but there's nothing like sitting in a dark theater to enjoy a movie, especially the ones that take full advantage of every technical and technological feature. But, I'm not one to shame anyone if they feel compelled to cry surrounded by 100 strangers while they watch some period drama or oscar bait, to each their own and all that. Still, this thing that AT&T is pulling is ludicrous and honestly bad for movie goes as a whole. It is so stupid that not even Disney is doing it. They at least charged 29.99$ for the family tickets.

I read this earlier and I kinda think it’s bullshit. I’m probably in the minority here, but I don’t see a problem with what WB did at all. If I was one of the directors in this situation I’d be like “fuck yeah, more people get to see my movie!”

The people who still want to see things in theater WILL keep going to the theater. No one is taking that option away. The people who really want to/need to stay home will opt for the streaming choice. I don’t understand what the outrage is. If making movies available on streaming the same day as they’re out in cinema is such a game changer then maybe the movie theater experience isn’t all it’s cracked up to be to begin with??? Why has no one asked that question?

I’m one of those viewers who even on regular years doesn’t really go to the movie theater all that much. If I say went to the movies 2-3 times in 2019 I’m probably exaggerating. I’m trying to remember and I can’t come up with a single one that I might have gone watch in the theater. I wait for movies to be released on DVD or VOD and then watch them. I’m the kind of client you wouldn’t be losing anyway on ticket sales but that would actually consider getting a streaming subscription if a platform was dropping a shitton of movies I wanted to watch at the same time they were releasing in theaters. If I didn’t go to the theater normally it’ll be even less now. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be YEARS before I’m chill with being in a room breathing in the recycled air of a few hundred other strangers who may or may not be vaccinated. I’m the kind of customer WB is courting with this decision and I believe there’s more of me than people think. 

This whole drama this week is people rejecting progress and systematic change that is absolutely inevitable. Even more so in this post pandemic world. Do you understand that all these people seemingly foaming at the mouth are doing so for financial reasons? You get that, right? Us writer/director/producers get back-end points aka revenue profit. Big directors like Nolan get even more than that and just straight up get a cut of ticket sales not just net profit. This isn’t people fighting for “the sanctity of cinema” or protecting your communal experience as an audience. This is them fighting for those millions lol. Which look, fine...y’all don’t want to lose the money and I think none of us would take it lying down if we were expecting a huge revenue windfall that is now most likely not going to materialize so do your thing...but at least be transparent about it. There’s no need to put on this show about “saving film”. You’re mad this is going to cost you and your agencies a ton of money personally. That’s the biggest reason in all these tantrums.