#but sometimes that just doesnt matter. you can say that to me all you want and ill always have a voice saying otherwise!
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An essay on autistic Mafuyu
Coming from a very autistic person.
Mafuyu has a bunch of autism symptoms, but a lot of them can also be explained by other reasons, such as her upbring and trauma, but not all of them, so I'm going to start speaking about the explainable by other things traits and move up to "boy you're tism". (Notw that the trauma explanation can also have a pre-disposition to happen due to tism)
In the biggest "can be explained by her trauma" category, we actually have the biggest reason people headcanon her as autistic. Her Alexithymia. Which is just a fancy word for "can't recognize her own feelings". No i did not have to copy paste that name to not write it wrong. Yes, many autistic people are bad at recognizing their own feelings, me included. But we also have to note that Mafuyu absolutely hid away those feelings for a mask and because they were needs not being met, a "good girl" like her doesnt get sad or angry right? Thats what made her push down those feelings so much she just ended up.. numb. Its extremely common in depression as well as autism which made me personally not realize i was depressed until someone made me put it into words, it was similar to my normal.
Theres also her.. exquisite vocabulary, Mafuyu uses lots of fancy terms sometimes, which is very stereotypical white boy autism. But also, she was pushed books down her throat by her mom since she was a child, she was expected to be this "fancy" and "smart-sounding". So she is.
Observant. Mafuyu doesn't talk a lot, she observes. She can recognize things on others sometimes, but mostly about the environment, which can be an autism noticing a bird singing 5 blocks away or a trauma "i need to notice this or i get fucked" reaction.
Mafuyu as mentioned, tends to listen more than speak, I am personally not this kind of autism, but it exists, Mafuyu is quiet, listening and only speaking when she feels her input is needed. This can be simply a mixture of autism and trauma. She doesn't feel the need to speak, so she doesn't, why would she waste her energy like that? Smh.. but also her good girl mask is supposed to be a good listener, not much of a yapper.
Now we are starting to move onto the things she does that are less explained by trauma and more explained by tism. Which is my favorite part to analyze.
Parallel play: Mafuyu seeks comfort with being with niigo and working alongside them, she doesn't even need to be talking, as seen by the kitty event where she kept just listening to them on earphones, she just wants to be near her people and gets calmed down by being with them.
Bluntness. As an autistic person i am extremely blunt in wrong situations, and can easily not recognize its the wrong situation. Per example Mafuyu's "why dont you imagine you're gonna get killed if you dont do it in half an hour" or all the times she points something out to Ena and gets a scream back because it was the wrong time? Mafuyu says what she thinks and when out of the mask she really. Really. Lacks a filter, because she doesn't know when or what she's supposed to speak or not
She.. kind of needs people to say the obvious? Sometimes she doesnt realize whats going on, why she's reacting in a way, so and so. One of the reasons Mizuki had to tell her it's ok to run away. Mafuyu never considered it. It wasn't obvious for her like it would be for a lot of people, she's kind of very oblivious in emotional matters like that, and needs someone (coughs usually Mizuki) to explain something to her
There's probably more but im doing this in like 15 minutes.
Plus, all in all, she makes autistic people like me really relate to her, even if they can be mostly explained by trauma doesnt mean she doesn't show those signs or that they're only because of that, even the mask she uses is a known neurodivergent thing.
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i just lost two followers and it's making me laugh because judging by my most recent posts i assume they were diehard royalists? or at least people holding the british royal family in an unusually high regard? cry about it i guess idk, i do find it funny that you give a fuck though
on this note though of my followers holding different beliefs than me - if you're a terf? please kill yourself! i don't usually give a fuck because i just don't have it in me to start a war with everyone i disagree with but like. truly. if you hold any kind of prejudice against trans people whatsoever. fuck off from my blog lol i don't want you here
#ive got the shinigami eyes extension right#and sometimes i see people in my notes flagging up red#but i hate blocking people is the thing like i just don't do that#if someone who flags red reblogs me more than twice i'll block them though#but mostly i'm like. i don't want to block people. so i don't#but it's still like ohhhh my god. how are you reblogging my posts about dan and phil as a full on transphobe!!!!!#and dont be worried cause i vet all of these blogs#bc i know shinigami eyes isnt fool proof#sometimes someone gets marked red and they aren't actually a terf they just said one thing at one time that got misconstrued#like the bot isnt all that moderated#so any time i see a red url i will investigate to make sure they are in fact a terf#but man. MANNNNNN#my main point is like#do yall know dnp would fucking hate you lmfao#even if you somehow ignore the part where dan doesnt give a fuck about gender and none of it is real#and hes happy with all pronouns#like u can refer to her by he she they#doesnt matter#even if you ignore that#and all of the rest of it#how do you hear the things dnp say. frequently. all the time. and go. yeah i think me. a transphobe. should keep watching them#MAN IDK#youre all fucking weird
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they’re definitely going to bring up the huntlow ship by the end of the show because hunter is SIMPING hard but i really want them to do something interesting with it. i don’t want them to just get together with no drama aimed at each other. so what i propose is: a deconstruction of the last-minute love confession trope.
hunter spends the second or even third episode blushing after willow. but willow doesn’t flirt or blush at him, just encourages and hangs out with him like she would her other friends. and at the end of the second or the middle of the third episode, the gang is gearing up for a huge battle with belos, the collector, or any other villains they’ll have to confront. everyone knows it’s dangerous, so there’s a lot of sweet moments between friends and family where they make peace with some of their conflicts and reinforce how much they care about each other. lumity and raeda both get an “i love you” or a kiss.
hunter pulls willow aside and confesses his feelings. he says he has a crush on her and asks if after they defeat the villains, they could go on a date. maybe he gets out a plant glyph and makes a bouquet. it’s very cute and reminiscent of a lot of love confessions in movies and tv that characters do right before a battle.
but willow FREEZES. she’s only thought of hunter as a friend up to this point, and hunter dropping this bombshell during the most stressful day of her life really isn’t helping her decide how to answer him. she has to recontextualize all of their interactions up to this point. and whether she eventually decides to date him, she can’t make up her mind at that moment, because she’s never even considered dating hunter before.
because the “last minute love confession” trope only works out well if the two characters have been pining and basically knows the other’s feelings. it’s a good way to clear up the air in that situation before a dangerous fight where they might not get a chance after. but if only one side has/is aware of their romantic feelings, the last minute love confession becomes solely a way for the person confessing to get it off their chest. it doesn’t matter if the person being confessed to wants to know about these feelings or reciprocates, the confession is sprung on them without prior warning, and now they have to think about that on top of the dangerous battle.
so before willow can give hunter an answer about that date, everyone has to get in position for the fight. and during the fight, willow is DISTRACTED. she knows she needs to focus on the fight, but she can’t help but think about hunter’s confession from a few minutes before, regardless of whether she reciprocates. and at one point, willow gets a clear shot to take out the villain or rescue one of their friends or whatever the goal of the battle is, but she MISSES.
if hunter had confessed a few hours or days earlier, giving willow time to come to terms with it before the battle, or if he had waited until after the battle to confess, it would have been fine. but he tells her at the WORST possible time, so willow has something else on her mind during one of the most important battle of her life. and because of that, everything goes very, very wrong.
#toh#the owl house#shut up pandora#hunter toh#hunter noceda#willow park#this isn't to say willow would blame hunter for distracting her#shes too nice her first instinct is to spiral into the 'im a horrible incompetent leader and i shouldnt do anything ever' mentality#but regardless of if she likes him or not love confessions are distracting! they make you blank out for a bit!#it ends up being all you can think about for the next hour at least be it out of flattery or happiness of discomfort!#and ive always disliked the trope where someone confesses to their love interest right before or during a battle like#now? your love interest is going to get hit by an arrow because youve distracted them#and the worst ones are the ones where they confess by kissing the love interest without prior warning#sometimes its unclear if the love interest is even interested and i know its for drama! but could you do that at literally ANY other time#it just feels cruel to the love interest you know#like the person confessing is getting stuff off their chest but they have no regard for how the love interest is feeling#if they reciprocate theyll have to go into a deadly battle knowing if they die they wont be able to continue a relationship they really want#and if they dont reciprocate it puts the burden on the love interest to turn them down and go into the battle being emotional about it#that may just be me though#anyway after that it doesnt really matter if the huntlow ship actually gets together#again i still dont ship it but if they do something interesting with it like this then it has a place in the story#but to reiterate it doesnt matter if willow has feelings for hunter in this scenario just the confession would be enough to distract her#and to those of you compiling screenshots where they stand next to each other#or where willow smiles fondly at gus and hunters shenanigans and say its only because shes in love with hunter#and basically trying to TJLC yourselves into believing willow is madly in love with hunter at this point of the story#she...really isnt......#at least not yet#does she even seek him out to hang out when hes not with gus#does HUNTER even seek her out to hang out when SHES not with gus#lowhunt
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Soon im rly gonna do it
#🕸️#sui mention#< in the tags tho cuz it feels nicer to talk abt this in tags than in the post itself cuz to me posts are like talking normally but tags are#like whispering? talking you can tune out if you want but whispering is rather more voluntary to say it doesnt matter however#every single year passes and i wish i didnt live in each and every one of them i feel disconnected dissatisfied empty disappointed every day#it can be a small part of a day or a bigger but its still there clenching onto me like and never letting go im tired of it theres always a#wall between me and otyer ppl im unsure if i put it there or was it put there by other ppl but its there and even if anyone tries to reach#into it do i understand how even if close are we really far away it makes me understand just how much of an abnormality i am and how much i#cant ever be like them no matter how much i try and climb and crawl until i bleed its exhausting its maddening#almost everything i do is shaped by spite i wear one bracelet for years out of spite i dont smoke out of spite i dont shave my hands not#only because im normal abt body hair but also out of spite the more i know ppl the spiteful i get only way for me to truly like someone is#to keep them at a lenght outside that wall if they get in then theres only two choices for them to dislike me or even hate my entire being#or me to shove them back out without ever letting them get in#coworkers say im a nice kind person but im not its all just a facade to make my life easier and to suit myself im hateful but i dont believe#its entirely my fault after all they will to my face make fun of. laugh at. and hate everything of me they would see in other ppl that dont#hide it deep within like i do and then it rly hits me how different abnormal foul disgusting and unnatural i am#im hit with his every talk that goes on too long every word that keeps going every touch every expression every comment made on my behalf#its exhausting to live this way i fear im near my limit i havent reached it but who knows when i will#i sometimes dream of doing it and leaving behind a note wishing nothing but painful suffering to everyone i ever knew irl but i dont want to#do that to my best friends and my dog but who knows how long its left before the thread breaks#thats all like comment and subscribe if you personally would do me a favor by taking me out back and shooting me
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hgs brainrot has returned due to tbosas .. speaking of hgs here’s an ask abt the hgs au: if things were totally different, and Wilbur were to be a 12 victor, what do you think a possible mentor-tribute dynamic would look like between him & Niki? I feel like it would be similar to Snow & Lucy in the way that he’s just going out of his way to cheat n help her
anon u have in fact struck jackpot because this is a concept i was spinning some thoughts abt before bee mentioned avoxes and we went OOOOH at that!!! so yes i have considered rainduo as a mentor-tribute dynamic and would love to talk about that concept too :]
so for this concept i think wilbur and niki would be close friends throughout childhood from 12, and then in their teens wilbur is reaped and, well, no one has particularly high hopes (he's a writer and a musician at heart, not a fighter) but through sheer trickery and dumb luck, he makes it to the end of the games. wilbur pulled some pretty fucked up tricks to win - when you can't use brute force, you have to use your brain - and partly due to the trauma of the games, partly due to his shame and survivor's guilt, he sinks into the capitol and relishes a new life there as a socialite. to him, the old wilbur died in the games and the new one has taken his place - to niki, and to his other friends in 12, whatever the games did to him made him into every vapid heartless capitol victor there is.
or. niki has her doubts. they all saw how horrible the games were, but surely there is some part of him left, some part that's hurting, even if it's buried deep?
anyway.
like og spin of the au, niki is reaped and this sucks - this time she does expect wilbur as her mentor on the train, and she expects some kind of warm welcome (maybe even an apology for leaving them so suddenly and silently? an explanation?) but she gets jack shit. wilbur is jaded and cruel and unrecognisable and niki entirely hates it. this is the part where i REALLY WISH we got some time of those two beefing with each other directly in canon (or at least interactions while niki was So Mad at him) but it's okay we fly blind. niki feels abandoned, lonely, thrown off of her kilter - she expected an ally in this place, but she doesn't recognise the person wilbur has become. she doesn't recognise his shallowness (...much), his ruthless advice for the arena, the way he doesn't seem to care for anything. she's scared and now she's lonely and it pisses her off - their mentorship is fraught. here are some thoughts from discord on that:
i tend to think of niki as a bit naïve before l'manberg or even doomsday - i think this is an au where this streak would come out real strong, and niki is stubborn that she can get through the games without losing herself. stubborn that she can stop things, that she can protect people. i don't think wilbur is cold enough (or, really, can bear to say aloud) to say that her odds in the arena are slim enough as it is, but he definitely tells her that she's making enemies and that her odds of survival dwindle with the more trouble she causes.
beyond that... hm. niki's trust in wilbur is almost unshakeable until nov 16, even when she outright says she doesn't recognise him anymore. i think she'd reluctantly listen re: don't burn down any buildings, but she would grow bolder each day she had to stay in the capitol. she gets more honest in front of the cameras. she makes more friends in training, and not the ones wilbur recommends. she throws barbs at him every time he makes one of those callous, cold-hearted comments about other tributes and rankings and odds. and besides, she's going in the arena this time, not him. she needs to practice her bravery.
it's like... she hasn't given up on him. she thinks the old wilbur is in there somewhere. (she is wrong. that is not how trauma works.) but she won't hold her tongue just because she
for extra angst points could definitely play up the whole 'feeling abandoned' angle between them as niki goes into the arena - probably due to how fraught their friendship gets leading up to the games. niki wants to focus on them and their friendship, wilbur has stringently cut off (almost) everything from 12 and refuses to let her in; he tells her to behave for the cameras, she tells him she never will. i think the last point in that screenshot would also make for a super tasty argument where niki feels wilbur has gone astray, that he's abandoned 12, and that he'll probably do nothing but sit on his ass and watch her die and he can't even bring himself to care about her anymore, can he? just more fodder for the arena. and honestly, i think wilbur would passively agree with most of that - he values niki's opinion, after all, even now, and if she says he's rapidly descending into a lost cause then she must be right. and it's niki, so she will be fine, and he goes to his bedroom that night and tries to pretend he is sleeping perfectly fine instead of feeling paralysed with fear.
okay now onto the games - YES HE SO WOULD. or at least i think he would go out of his way to help. as for cheating - he's a recent victor for 12 and i think he would value tommy (no doubt a link to him... i think they'd be in touch in this au also) too much to risk the punishment falling onto him as well. i get the vibes this is a games closer to 74th than 10th, so there are far fewer opportunities to cheat and the consequences of getting caught are higher. but schmoozing up sponsors? making stupid ass radio interviews or whatever to talk up niki's odds? sharing anecdotes from their childhood - some real, some entirely fabricated - across capitol airwaves to stoke their sympathy? 100%. with less to lose in this au, i think niki would be far less inclined to play nice for the cameras - i hope you starve, she spits at one of them, and wilbur appears on a talkshow two days later as she scrambles for survival in the arena to talk up how she always saved loaves from the bakery for the poorest mothers and children in 12. he borrows and begs and swindles to the point where it feels like cheating. but hey, this new wilbur is capitol-branded. he knows how to play the game.
if anything he probably sinks into the game a little too much. self-preservation is not his forte. probably wracks up a few heavy debts and favours to owe, but those are not priority until niki is out of the arena, alive. as long as she wins, and as long as the family he has isn't in danger, he will manage. wow it would suck if at some point those two goals became impossible to co-achieve. anyway
i kind of see niki's victory in the arena being similar to the one in the main au - if only because planning out an entire games is hard for meee >-< . she walks in bolder and braver for sure, and with a less strategic pick of allies, but they all get picked off and she spends a few weeks so terrified she can barely sleep and then she ruptures some fuel line and sets the arena alight with a fire that burns brighter and more ravenously than it should. but she wins, and she's airlifted out of a filthy, muddy creek she had resigned herself to die in, and wilbur barges his way through as many peacekeepers so that he can actually see her with her burnt skin and hair and unfocused eyes and trust that what was on the screens wasn't a fluke, and that they made it. and then it's just a matter of surviving the after.
i'm sure there are some other random quirks or tidbits i can think of re: this take on a c!rainduo hunger games au but these are my base thoughts!!
#can i just say whatever the hell lucy grey n snow had going on in part 1 made me so berko btw. like congrats ur my means to an end youre my#symbol youre my buddy? should we kiss? i'll get you out of here / don't make me leave these people behind#BRIDGING OFF OF THE TBOSAS DISCUSSION. i think the thing with crainduo (or at least how i like to depict them) is that they care about each#other extremely deeply and value each other... without being each others number one priority at all times.#i don't think niki plays priority with people she cares for like that; see her relationships with like wilbur and eret in lmanberg#even her friendship with and offering ponk a place to stay in her city after manberg even tho manberg hurt her#as for wilbur: his priority is tommy. like always. if it was just him on the line he'd do anything to get niki thru but it's not#asks#hunger games au#they would truly be such a nightmare in this au like. wilbur's self loathing is SO HIGH due to survivors guilt and trauma and mental illnes#he thinks that niki is So Good and Has It Together meanwhile he is So Bad#and is a mess that she cannot possibly rely on him. she can't possibly need him. she can't possibly want him around#<- and this shit is INGRAINED like. it's not even an active thought pattern anymore it is carved into his brain like a groove#and so shes like. do you even care whether i live or die??#of course he does. but this is the capitol. he cant be vulnerable in a way that matters#and that alienates niki further and this rage and heartbreak is building in her with nowhere to go. and in the arena she thinks it erupts#nah uh. i think its AFTER the area when she has to face wilbur again that she would go full screaming meltdown#ANYWAY !! i really like aus where they have this friction esp because i think like.. idk i think sometimes our views of rainduo are too ros#wilbur kind of forgets about niki sometimes because his self hatred is that bad. niki doesnt get wilburs mental illness and takes it both a#a burden/blame AND a direct rejection of her and her friendship#and they hover just outside of each others spaces anxious and angry and almost self flagellating. GOOD FOR THEM !#anyway Yes this did unlock something within me. thanks anon feel free to add on if u had more thoughts esp re: tbosas and such bc i had suc#a good time watching that movie
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i fucking agreed to go to the staff christmas party what is actually wrong with me
#only finally agreed becuz my coworker who everyone else hates begged me to go and im like ok fine we can be outcasts together#its awful like how dare someone be eccentric and themselves and tell you they love you more often than a work acquaintance normally would#like she annoys me too sometimes yes. but so does everybody? just move on or mention something to them. do not just fucking#gossip behind their back to me. i don’t like it i don’t know what you want me to say#i can picture too easily you doing the same about me. its crazy how people dont feel that way themselves ?? or do they just not care#maybe i will get a chance to connect with them all more. maybe i will just cancel last second. it doesnt even matter anyways
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he's soooo cute!!
#oh m.atthew.. you cutie..#ash rambles 💚#also i LOVE his accent#it's so cute!#although uh. tbh. i've had to pause the game several times and look up british slang since he just says shit sometimes-#my s/i has an american accent too ajdjajjs all 3 of my xeno s/is do actually!#it doesnt really matter for a.khos since he has an american accent too but. uh. d.unban and m.atthew? yeah..#ash sometimes teases and jokes about how she has no idea what he's on about sometimes#but really she could listen to him talk all day#his voice is so sweet and he always says the most fun things ajdjaje his lines always make me giggle!!! he stole my heart!#he's all i can think about!!!!!#man... freaking m.atthew...#mr v.andham.. do you want a mrs v.andham?#AHEM#but yeah. m.atthew v.andham has lowkey consumed every single waking thought i have#he's the bf of all time! he's so sweet and fun and he's soooo strong!!! lifted this one girl with one arm#fights by punching things aksjqks it's so cool watching him#also he's so goofy.. as he always says.. he is feeling Full Of Beans+#*!#I'm feeling full of beans 🫘!
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mom is bitching at me how i need to wear short sleeves TOMORROW, and just get over it
#‘you NEED to wear them tomorrow’ or what.#youre gonna take my phone away? im just AnXioUs and need to get the fuck over it?#woman youre lucky i dont fucking take my car and leave. youre lucky i don’t disappear without a trace.#‘we love you and dont care and dont judge!’ i understand that. i do.#but sometimes that just doesnt matter. you can say that to me all you want and ill always have a voice saying otherwise!#i cant just get over this hump. i dont know how to explain it to you but i just cant. its not that simple.#i cant just.. get up and get moving like you want me to. i dont know how to tell you that im absolutely fucking exhausted.#‘youve been taking a break for 6 weeks now’ and? i worked my ASS OFF. FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS STRAIGHT. I DESERVE A BREAK!#IVE EARNED A GODDAMN BREAK. IVE EARNED A FUCKING SUMMER OFF. THIS IS MY FIRST SUMMER OFF IN 5 GODDAMN YEARS WOMAN#i dont care if you think im being lazy. im sorry i dont work the same fucking way you do! but thats a you issue!#‘you need to get your life together’ WELL I DONT WANT TO! I DONT WANT TO RIGHT NOW! I WANNA BE A STUPID COUCH BUM!#i basically just learned that EVERYTHING. I WORKED FOR! IS USELESS! i pushed myself to the edge a constant amount of times over the past 5-#years for NOTHING. because i am incapable of doing anything without someone telling me to or holding my hand.#how do you expect me to know what to do with my fucking life when the life i thought i always had was just shattered?#ive trailed off my planned path! i didnt plan for this! i never thought it could happen! i thought id be PERFECT!#imagine being told your entire life how smart and capable you are only to fail right as someone isnt holding your hand anymore.#just#whatever man. if i dont wanna wear short sleeves i wont. if i dont wanna go outside i wont.#i didnt want to interact with the world anyways. especially after finding out that i dont fit in whatsoever.
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Someone the other day asked for our bubble tea "vegan option" and I was just like "? ...it's made with a soy-based creamer by default?" But he was like "No, the honey. I don't want honey." And I was just like. "......Ok."
Dude came in again today and he stank soooooo bad I literally nearly gagged. Bro apparently runs like a mile or some shit to get bubble tea as part of his exercise routine. & it's just like. OK Bro
#speculation nation#the honey thing threw me off bc im so divorced from anything vegan that i just did Not register it#like bro just say you dont want honey 😭 it's not that hard 😭#dont gotta push ur damn vegan thoughts on me. im gonna slurp that honey as much as i fuckin want#and while im at it eat many eggs and drink cows milk and eat cheese and MEAT oh god forbid#i mean like vegetarian i think is more reasonable bc by an empathy standpoint it can fuck with ppl to eat meat#and also for religious purposes and such. & dietary restrictions for dairy and whatever is perfectly understandable#but if ur refraining from all animal products bc of like. Morality re: animal cruelty like. bro. Bro.#unless you grow all your food yourself much of your 'vegan' options are much more awful with how theyre sourced#except cruelty to humans doesnt matter as much as cruelty to animals to you. like. Ok bro.#sure whatever save the bees. quick question what do you do if there are gnats in your house?#do you gently usher them away? pick them up with a cute little paper towel to get them out? it doesnt work like that.#even if honey industry killed bees (which it doesnt) do you still think that's more important than preventing child labor?#i agree we shouldnt kill bugs willy-nilly but Man. sometimes you just gotta kill some bugs. the fuck?#bugs ment/
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I've never really actually cared about smearing my ex. I only ever wanted to clear my name and draw vent art to an audience i *thought* was removed from them. I didn't think anyone they knew or knee them were still watching me online so i felt like it was okay to finally draw vent art. Art that would only emotionally move them to actually give af about what they did but i felt was vague enough that people wouldnt trace it back to them. And then someone did, and then they wrote a whole callout post about me, which i was anticipating for years, but before that, theyve been for years building this image of me, where they know their audience knows theyre talking about me, theyve been trying to paint me as the abuser for years so that when they did call me out, people could refer to their comic and see "evidence" im bad because i guess thats evidence somehow??? Whatever the case. I feel like ive only been trying to clear my name since they started this. I never wanted it to devolve into this me vs them thing but they seemed to start off that way by default with me. I felt like i had to lay out everything they did to defend my point that i know what im talking about, im not crazy, and maybe listen to me because i might be right when i talk about myself specifically. The fact its gotten to this point is so stupid to me. It would have been so much easier for them to just drop the narrative of painting me as this horrible shitty person but no apparently we had to drag it all the way out to this point. I hate feeling like i have to constantly defend myself because theres a whole narrative about me thats entirely different from who I am. I hate that i felt like i needed to compile all this evidence that im innocent especially since even if i had direct evidence of their abuse people would still somehow find a way to dismiss it. All of this has been a waste of time but i guess so long as they get to throw my name in the trash and shit on it nothing else matters.
#why cant you just fucking apologize you pos#you and your friend were fucked up. you normalized fucked up shit in eachother. it made you think it was fine to treat me a certain way.#or. you treated me that way to paralyze me with ptsd. whatever the case. YOU fucked up. YOU need to face yourself and the consequences#of your actions and what you've done to me- both in and now outside of that relationship.#just because you can convince your followers and even yourself that you were the victim here doesnt make it true suddenly#you need to be fucking honest with yourself and what you did.#vent#i wouldnt even have cared they got popular off of stealing my art style nearly as much if they didnt also decide to drag my name in shit#while doing so.#like you will seriously do ANYTHING you can to try to smother me. and i know its because i know shit about you that you dont want other ppl#to know about. and no its not whatever embarrassing thing you think im trying to humiliate you with. its the weird rape shit you drew.#and its like dude. someone else found that for me. they literally found the website you used to use and i forgot the name of it.#if its so easy to trace this gross shit back to you how long do you think its gonna take for more and more ppl to discover it?#EVEN if you smear my name in shit?#maybe instead of constantly trying to evade your karma you should just embrace it for once. then maybe you'll be able to sympathize w#the shit you dragged me through too. like you dont care howuch you traumatize me at all so long as you can get away unscathed.#you are literally the worst person ive ever met.#ik whatever i say doesnt matter because its Not In Their Best Interest to give a fuck but. i do sometimes hope they look back on this shit#and really take in what the fuck theyve done to me and actually feel fucking bad about it for once. like how can you do this to someone and#feel nothing. it feels so cold and heartless and its why i think theyre just constantly looking away and instead of looking at themselves#directly.#theres nothing i could ever say that could make them do that.
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[whispering nervously] hey i feel like this is the equivalent of throwing a beehive at a bear, but i genuinely do not understand what is going on with the latest queer label discourse,,, why is calling urself a mspec gay/bi lesbian/etc such an issue ?
#i am afraid that i do not understand why ppl are so against it#sexuality is weird and gender is like... such a vague concept#a person can have a very strong knowledge of their own gender ofc yes#but why are we saying NO YOU CAN'T BE ATTRACTED TO XYZ IF YOU'RE XYZ LABEL#like. okay. but. consider. maybe a lesbian falls in love w someone who identifies as a guy sometimes#and maybe that lesbian IDs as a lesbian in a gender way along w their sexuality#so i think bisexual lesbian actually makes sense but idk man#also. i dont rly understand why it matters so much. yes words have meaning but. idk. it just. doesnt seem like a big deal to me?#does anyone have insight bc i am so confused seeing ppl be so militantly against it and putting it in DNI banners on posts and stuff#is this one of those things where some queer ppl get upset bc other queer ppl are queer in a not easily labelled way?#or is this like. an actual issue.....#i personally am not a lesbian nor a gay man. though Kam is a lesbian and Lake is a gay man but those two don't front v often#so i as a part don't get a say maybe. but Kam and Lake both shrugged at me when i asked them why ppl get so angry abt this#so . i think perhaps . we are all lost on why ppl are upset abt this LMFAO#TURNING RBS OFF SO DM ME/REPLY/INBOX if u want to engage LOL i dont want to get harassed because i am asking a question 👍#being called a sq*aw and a cracker within the same week was funny to have happen once. not rly funny more than that though lmao#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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jjk men and their red flags
a/n: i'm feeling problematic :> tell me what u think (agree/disagree/add more?) this is all for shits n giggles !! non sorcerer au kinda
kento nanami — (over)protective
but like... to the point where it feels like he's treating you like a child! he doesnt like to see you sweat or even work at all for that matter. he loves it when you cook but has bought covers for all the knifes. if he sees a burn on your hand get ready for a 10 minute long lecture. if you accidentally fall he wont let you get up for atleast 3 days to help you ""heal."" it's almost like he doesnt trust you to take care of yourself :') he probably has like 3 separate first-aid kits everywhere.
suguru geto — emotionally unavailable
i feel like this is explainable to his character (sort of.) i dont think that he'd make you feel isolated at all, he's be an amazing listener and probably memorizes every word you say. he listens to you rant and even trauma dump with insane patience. but at some point it feels as though you hardly know him. he's talk to you a lot but very little of it is personal and you hardly know what he's thinking because his ass is not tell you. he also unintentionally distances himself from people from time to time. this applies to you too and you can feel him getting emotionally distant sometimes. it isnt something he does knowingly but it sure ass hell bothers you.
satoru gojo — very clingy and needy
this nigga. he is so utterly clingy. and at first it's perfectly fine, even appreciated by you. you still love him like crazy of course but it is just overwhelming. he is like a child most of the time, he need you around him and is always accompanying you wherever you go, and he expects you to do the same. he also doesn't believe in "me time" because why would you feel better when you're away from him: (? want to hang out with your friends? what do you need them for: (? he's right there. he is also physically incapable of listening but boy is he good at making up.
toji fushiguro — controlling
he is so controlling omfg. it's usually subtle but sometimes he will outright just say no to things he doesnt like, not caring if you like them. it gets to the point where he actually starts to change your personality. he is very caring and that's his justification for this typa stuff. it is usually harmless stuff but he gets paranoid often. he doesnt let you wear miniskirts out if you're not with him. he doesn't let you befriend people he thinks are into you. he barely lets you buy stuff on your own, he usually gifts you whatever it is youre into at that moment. borderline turned on by fear and you being dependent on him.
choso kamo — has no social life outside you
pretty self explanatory. he doesnt have many friends outside you and isn't interesting in making them either. total loser. so taking him out to events, he probably doesnt interact much and chooses to look at you the entire time, which annoys your friends. he answers their questions pretty bluntly. he's never down to have people over and lowkey hates when you are.
hiromi higuruma — workaholic
also self explanatory. he leaves early, comes home late. you barely see him on the weekdays. sometimes he goes as far as ignoring your calls when in between cases. he calls you periodically but has to have an alarm set to remind him. he loves you very very deeply but is just used to working non stop T_T
#jjk#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk ^ ~#multi :>#jujutsu kaisen smut#choso kamo smut#choso x reader#choso smut#geto suguru smut#geto x reader smut#gojo satoru#gojo satoru smut#gojo x reader smut#gojo x reader#jjk x reader smut#gojo smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#geto smut#choso kamo#gojo#geto#choso#toji smut#nanami smut#toji x reader#nanami x reader#geto x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you
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inhaaaaale if i had a quid for every time a stranger has tried to condescendingly overexplain to me how a use of X ableist trope isn’t abelist at all Actually bc it’s supposed to be about Love and looking Past disability i’m just being mean and/or stupid. i mean it’s not as if i wouldn’t need my disability benefit anymore but like. i could order a takeaway innit.
#tfw ur reaching so hard to be hyperpositive abt disabled ppl it loops back around and starts dipping into like old timey horror tropes#totally unironically like#sometimes i just want to like put a halo style forcefield around disabled fictional characters#like step back! no gesturing at em! no turning to the camera and doing a moralising soliloquy! enough! just leave em be!#intrusive thought egging me to reply to every mansplain with a plain ol skill issue.#disability isnt some sorta superficial ugly paint you can put on someone and thats it christ#i feel like this might be a consequence of hyperpositive shallow no nuance media#ultimately arriving at the bland totally tone deaf conclusion that 'disability doesnt matter were all different'#like itd be swell if it were true but for me. a disabled person. its not lmao! thats a ridiculous thing to say#of course it matters. of course its more than looking different. it's not my entire being but it IS a fundamental part of my selfhood#society made that inevitable
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*ੈ✎ xoxo, gossip girl!
content: leo valdez x reader, percy jackson x reader, jason grace x reader
╰┈▸ back cover: how would gossip sessions with them go?
warnings: cursing, rude humor??
librarian's annotations: doing this instead of requests um
*ੈ LEO VALDEZ
SASSY MAN APOCALYPSE
god hes probably talking shit more than u
"oh her? yeah she was such a bitch like no way she looked at you like that when i said i was so obviously taken!"
"and her hair? has she ever heard of a brush? like, if you're gonna come at my girlfriend, at least make yourself look better so you don't embarrass yourself. oh wait, you can't!"
probably laying on you as he does this, and starts squeezing you tightly
"because my girlfriend is the prettiest girl in the world!"
awww that's cute right?
WRONG this man is so quick with his comebacks its actually insane
does NOT think before he speaks
doesnt hold back, even against you (booo why did ur gf privileges not apply to that)
"leo! can you like, move your fat ass off me?" you groan under him as he lays down with his dead weight on top of you.
"like the fat ass you don't have?"
were you silent or SILENCED
everytime you think he wouldnt take it that far?? oh he will go THERE (but he always makes sure u know hes joking)
doesnt want to invoke your wrath so he apologizes IMMEDIATELY
"fix your hair-"
"fix your face- IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO-"
*ੈ PERCY JACKSON
guys. we cant forget abt the OG SASSY MAN
also talking shit a whole lot more than he should
"uh, she needs to get her act together before she can start coming at others; like-" rolls his eyes for EMPHASIS "who does she think she is, talking to you like that?"
damn, who taught this man sass?
bro was BORN with it or smth
even outsasses you sometimes
if you tell him to get like a snack or something and hes in the mood to just lay down with you, he will huff SO loudly
"ugh, fine!"
gets you extra snacks anyway in case you want more (and drinks obviously)
SO SO INVESTED like he has the WHOLE story down
but sometimes mixes up the ppl if its been a while
"wait wait, so the library girl and the jock are dating?"
"the nerd and the library girl are dating, but the jock wanted library girl."
"that makes a lot of sense, actually."
has tea of his OWN because the sea knows everything apparently
"tobias told me-" percy started.
"who the fuck is tobias?"
"the turtle, duh. anyway, he said that this guy always takes girls to the beach on their first date, to make them fall in love with him or something. like, every single girl he's dated."
"...does that count as a manipulation tactic?"
*ੈ JASON GRACE
will be on your side no matter what
like if you end it with an "it is what it is"
um??? it is NOT what it is hello?
doesnt look like hes listening but hes paying attention to EVERYTHING
like hes "reading" a book but hes been on the same page for the entire time youve been talking
tries not to laugh at your rather creative insults, but sometimes you get a soft chuckle out of him
you take that as a win
once, you caught him listening through the door as you gossiped with piper over the phone
he was SO embarrassed omg
after that, you made sure to tell him all the tea as soon as you have it
"—and he cheated on her with her SISTER. who's like, three years younger than him! like, what the fuck? that's not even all he did!" you sit up, hands playing with the blanket. you think you see him lean a bit closer, as if wanting to hear more. "she fucked his brother in his room, like, her ex boyfriend's room for revenge! okay, that was a bitch move, but was it deserved?"
jason shrugged. "i'd say no one deserves to be cheated on, but he kinda did deserve it."
"exactly!"
#*ੈ✎ stories#covey did u see the tobias sneak#leo valdez#leo valdez x reader#jason grace#jason grace x reader#percy jackson#percy jackson x reader#percy jackson and the olympians x reader#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#hoo#pjo x reader#hoo x reader#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus#pjo hoo toa
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✮⋆˙ DIGITAL SILENCE ୨୧
YANDERE MR.PUZZLES X READER WHOS IN SMG4'S CREW.
A/N:Yahoo! im back babeyyy,way better now and, btw ik smg4's fandom isnt that famous and this will probably only get 2/3 views, but im doing this anyways, this is NOT PROOFREAD edit: this aged like milk
Type: Headcanons, romantic, fluff/light angst.
Tw/Cw: Yandere topics, he hypnotizes you, obsessive behavior, paranoia, delusion, possessiveness, overprotection, suggestive(?), he literally worships you so much, emotional dependence .
Song recommendation: Creative control - Mr puzzles
୨୧ He got so hooked up on you, and he doesnt know how or why, but he just knew he needed you when he first landed his cameras on you, you were so captivating, he had to understand why.
୨୧ Before he hypnotized everyone, he kept a big eye on you, that were blissfully unaware of his obsession or existence, sometimes he got so excited of looking at you that he almost got to capture you to himself, but he had to control himself, he could do that later.
୨୧ When puzzles finally hypnotized everyone, he needed to see you first than EVERYBODY else and my god, you were so precious and beautiful in person, he couldnt get enough from looking at you, he was so glad he finally got to see your pretty face in person.
୨୧ During the shows, whenever you were on screen, he would display you always as the most perfect character in the story and sometimes he would even insert himself in them just to be more close to you or to be your love interest.
୨୧ He enjoys watching your performances so much, you were just made for the screens! you easily highlighted yourself in every show, even if you were just standing, or staying in the background, he would pay attention to you everytime, every single move you do or word you say, he is paying full attention.
୨୧ He would be extra touchy with you, since he was very lonely when a child, he would take all the years of him wishing there was someone to hug him and etc. On you, he would be soo touch starved.
୨୧ Puzzles would get a bit paranoid and feared when you get your conscience back, he tried to comfort himself with the "they'll never know" mindset, protected by the delusion that he did the right thing of hypnotizing you.
୨୧ Puzzles would panic when you got your conscience and memories back, but relieved that you wouldnt remember the stories where he inserted himself in so he could be creepily more close to you.
୨୧ But when he heard you also wanted to leave, he was furious, how could his own darling try and leave him?! hes the one who can make u a real star, the real deal, and the others are just... second characters, how can you want to stay with such pesky brats?! they were nothing compared to you!
୨୧ But he didnt blame you, you were with those weirdos since the beginning consequently making you not even know half of your potential since you were brainwashed by that pesky crew, so, he had to show you that your place was with him, on the big screens with only him, nobody else.
୨୧ If you wanted to stay with him or not didnt really matter, you were in his reality, he could make you his whenever, he just felt like giving you the illusion of a choice in hopes you would "choose" the right decision. (hes not insane at all! hes just silly!)
୨୧ You were his precious puppet, his puppet, his companion, he couldnt let you leave, no, he couldnt, he needs you and you will need him, he would show you your place, he eventually would.
୨୧ "When i saw you, i instantly knew that you were a natural star, so be good and stay with me, okay?"
#mr puzzles#Yandere mr puzzles#yandere hcs#yandere headcanons#smg4#smg4 x reader#yandere x reader#fluff#light angst#୨୧ cherry works
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Solar Return Observations #2🌻💛
🌼💛Just an update so far, I have a 5th house stellium in my chart this year and life has felt so carefree. Life made me get rid of my old crush and made me focus on myself for a while(Pluto) until just friday I met someone new unexpectedly(Vertex). I havent felt this feeling in almost 3 years its really exhilarating feeling like this and I actually have a good feeling about it. It felt like I was meant to cross paths with him at this point in my life right now because im actually focused on my higher self. I feel that Vertex along with other major planets like the Sun, Mars, Mercury, Pluto, and POF made meeting him feel fated because for one ever since Ive met him ive consequently crossed paths with him multiple times in just the span of 3 days. Its not a deep connection however(5th house) but I hope to beat the odds and make something out of it. So overall, Ive had lots of fun, peace, and new interests in love.
🌼💛So I recently just discovered this, but you can go and find your monthly/daily transit chart and overlap it to your natal or solar return chart to see how your school, career, family, or love life will be. I was wondering why was it that I never got the opportunity to meet someone in matters of romance but i did multiple times in friendships and then I saw that in my transit charts I never had Venus in the 7th house until last month. Venus had always been in like the 11th, the 10th, or the 3rd and school and friends was what was constant in my life. Sometimes even having Venus in the 8th can mean a change in your love life. I even looked all the way through 2022 and 2023 and all 12 months there was not one placement of Venus/Mars/Moon in the 5th or 7th until my transit chart of Febuary 29. Venus conjuncted Mars in the 8th and what happened? I saw the new guy who was exactly my type and I found interest in him. My next transit will be March 30 with Venus, Saturn, and Neptune in the 7th, and Mars conjunct the descendant. Im hoping that things will go well and I can get the courage to talk to him but we'll seeee.
🌼💛Having Jupiter in the 1st just means your whole year will be filled with luck youll just have things fall right into your hands.
🌼💛Uranus in the 9th house is lowkey feeling lost on what path you should take regarding school or just feeling disconnected from school in general. I have this right now and ive been having trouble locking in on my school work and i dont know how i want to plan my schedule for next year. Im just going with the flow atp.
🌼💛Venus in the 4th house means your family will spoil you and make you feel loved.
🌼💛Ok so im not really liking the attention ive been getting from having Lilith exactly conjunct the Ascendant. It feels like every where i go theres been men staring at me creepily and theres this guy on the track team who keeps touching me and crossing my boundries and personal space and it makes me so uncomfortable. Its so grimy and I hate it.
🌼💛Look at the dominant planet and see what house it falls in. Last year i had a dominant planet of moon and it fell in the 12th house conjunct mars. All imma say is that last year was one of the worse but strengthening years for me mentally.
🌼💛Venus in the 9th house means you’ll probably get a chance to travel. I had it in the 4th degree and i went to California from Texas because of a wedding on my moms side.
🌼💛Ive noticed that Vertex in the 5th doesnt always necessarily mean youll meet someone, it just means that youll get a lot of opportunities to go out and have fun.
🌼💛Saturn in the 6th/10th means standing on business.
🌼💛Chiron in the 5th may be a year where you feel burnt out. Make sure to take a break.
🌼💛Moon in libra will beautify a relationship depending on whatever house its in. Ex- first house: your appearance, 3rd: your relationship with siblings, 5th house: with your romantic partners or your inner self. It could also mean you feel romantic this year and could even have more opportunities given to you to express those feelings.
🌼💛7th house Neptune means having dreamy fantasies about people you wanna date. Could have your head in the clouds or you can just have high hopes regarding this area. Could be spiritually calming regarding partnerships but you can be manipulated and gaslighted too if your not careful.
🌼💛Venus in the 10th means being called beautiful all the time during that year. So many strangers used to stop me in the hallways to tell me I was pretty that year.
🌼💛Chiron and Neptune in the 1st means not being able to see your beauty.
🌼💛Venus or Jupiter in the 2nd means splurging on skincare, makeup, and clothes.
🌼💛Having Chiron in the 4th is not fun lol. Could mean family problems, struggling to feel at home when youre at home, and having trouble having a safe space.
🌼💛Leo Ascendant years will make you feel popular.
🌼💛Venus in the 6th could make you follow health, beauty, and workout routines or it could oppositely make you feel lazy and not wanna do anything. It also means feeling comfortable at work or find a interest at work.
🌼💛In 2020 when covid hit I had Saturn in the 5th house and it makes so much sense looking back. We were forced to be isolated and I couldnt go out because of the lockdown. Dont get me wrong though I still had alot of fun with my family but I feel like my middle school experience wouldve been alot different if that hadnt happened.
🌼💛Having a Cancer Ascendant back in 2015 was when my older cousin got married and that was a big event for our family that girl spent almost a 100k on her wedding. She was the first to get married out of the kids in the family. Even having Cancer degrees in the chart will mean change or some significant event in your family life.
Thats all for today hope yall enjoyed:)
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