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gerdy-sertorius · 1 month

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The Definitive Damsel Analysis (if I do say so myself)

(Disclaimer: I know it’s absurdly long, and for that I apologize. I apparently am more unwilling to make cuts than I am to present subpar work. I’m working on it. Only editing I do for my autistic ramblings is copyediting, baby! Whoo! I will be updating this for the Pristine Cut once it comes out and we get even *more* Damsel. Obviously, as I’m sure you can tell from the length, I really like Damsel. There will be all of the bias. It will be great.)

(Author’s Note: For the love of the most high God, it took me like twenty read throughs for me to standardize what I wanted to call the Scorched Grey. Here is a brief list of all the terms I used to refer to her: Scorched Grey, Burned Grey, Burning Grey, Fire Grey, Damsel Chapter 3. Sometimes but not always preceded by “the” or “The”.)

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. I have oft made the statement on here that Damsel is the best route in the game, and this began as me trying to definitively prove that, by microscopically going through the route, I could establish exactly why, it would seem, that Damsel has objective superiority. It sorta… evolved, though, so instead I will be going relatively chronologically throughout, and trying to point out a couple things that all of you know about and maybe a couple things you don’t about the best character in the game. With that preamble out of the way, let’s begin with the goofy stuff, the grab bag if you will.

This will certainly be more personal taste than anything else, but I do think there’s a lot of miscellaneous stuff that Damsel does better than the other chapters. For example, I am convinced that it has the third best music, behind Tower and her routes and then Thorn. I am genuinely obsessed with “It Was Always That Easy”. The basement has some *fantastic* art, and I think that really carries a chapter that is otherwise generally bland when it comes to actual visual activity. It’s really carried by its genuinely perfect dialogue.

Overall, and most importantly, this chapter is the undisputed master of the idea of positive ambience. You know elevator music? How it’s there to artificially increase the cheeriness of an otherwise dreary moment, like a hotel hallway or, yanno, an elevator? Well, this is the chapter that does it perfectly. Everything is designed to make it “nicer” than it actually is. The Narrator even takes that into account when describing the basement. The sound design is fresh and relaxing, the music is uplifting, the Princess’s voice is obviously fantastically done, but also the Voice of the Smitten plays a large role in making it feel “good”. It’s something that exists in order to communicate exactly the feelings it wants the player to feel, which is all warm and fuzzy inside. But let’s move on to the actual content, shall we?

Damsel has *the* best Chapter One and it isn’t even close. Certainly not in the horror department, where I think Beast and Nightmare shine, or even in the whole characterization bit, where the award can only go to Spectre and the masterclass that is her Chapter One. But Damsel has something else to it. Damsel has tragedy, almost Shakespearean in nature. Nobody else has it (except Witch, to some extent, but nowhere close to the same level), nobody manages to reach that connection, there and then broken, to honestly feel for both Princess and Slayer. Allow me to paint a picture of a playthrough.

You are on a path in the woods. At the end of that path is a cabin. In the basement of that cabin is a princess. You are here to slay her. But you don’t do that. That voice itching in the back of your skull, the one you quite literally call Hero, your moral compass even, raises some objections. You don’t want to kill *anybody*. That isn’t something you want to mark yourself with, especially not solely on the word of an individual you just met. For now, violence is a nonstarter.

You enter the cabin. And you hear her voice. And you see her. You even talk with her for a while. The moment is… hypnotizing. Despite the Narrator’s warning of manipulation, well, you cannot help but be manipulated. This is a genuinely nice, sweet, scared Princess who simply wants to be free. You have to save her. It is the right thing to do, it is the… only thing to do. Anything else marks you with the dirtiness of simply being unwilling to help someone in need when you had the full ability to.

You go to get a key. Unsuccessful. The door locks. Even worse. The Narrator is moving from irritating to downright malicious, clearly enjoying recounting the lock of the door. Disgust for Him has been present since you entered the cabin, but it shifts to anger very quickly. That shift continues with full force as you attempt with what little ability you have to save the Princess, even if you don’t quite know how you will get out. The question does not last long. For the shift to anger shifts once more, to a sort of incomprehensible fury.

For the Narrator has crossed a line. Not only has he taken away any semblance of choice, not only has he raised your own knife against an innocent, someone who has been nothing but kind to you, but you are the one who must bear the shame for it. You are the only one who is doing the foul deed in any eyes but your own. Speaking of, the Princess’s eyes are filled with genuine happiness at the moment, as you are finally giving her the freedom she has yearned for such a long time. Yet through no fault of your own, you raise the pristine blade, the one you refused to bring down to the basement in the first place. You scramble through the list of options, attempting to find anything that could provide a sliver of hope in the situation, anything without the grim finality of “Slay the Princess”.

At last, you find one, and are able to bark out a warning to the Princess. That happiness in her eyes is shifted to a look of fear, one directed at you alone, one condemning you with such a sorrowful betrayal that it almost hurts to see. She begs for you to stop, and then she says something that almost calms the internal storm of the player: “Please, I know this isn’t you.” She recognizes that it isn’t us that betrayed her, she understands that we aren’t trying to do this, that we are flat-out trying to stop it. But the eye of that storm is passing, and soon.

And as she takes the blade, as she prepares to do what she must to live, that same look of tragic betrayal crosses her eyes, this time not directed at us, but at herself. She hates that this is her only option, the only way that she can live is to kill another, one with every intention of freeing her and no intention of harming her. And in the end, she simultaneously underscores the tragedy of the moment while confirming our perception that she could never be a threat to the world. As she plunges the blade into our chest, she has failed to even do the bare minimum of making our death painless, something that fills her with even more guilt, tears streaming down her cheeks as she tries and fails to end our own agony. The last thing we see of her are her endless cascade of both tears and apologies, as everything goes dark.

This… is beautiful. A glorious tragedy, one with limited theming, simply two characters with emotions that feel natural. And, quite strangely, the first chapter has almost nothing to do with the second chapter. But it is still important. I’ll get to that later. Better things await now! For with the end of the tale of the Hero and the Princess, we have a new individual, everyone’s favorite buddy, the Voice of the Smitten.

I am certain I do not need to underscore just how popular Smitten is. Easily the most fan favorite of the fan favorites, especially solidifying his place within that roster with the Kiss from a Thorn. He is jovial, passionate, he is Don Quixote, complete with the unlimited self-delusion that comes with the territory. There’s a reason people love him. Romantic in a game entitled a love story, the largest of personalities in a game stuffed with them, he is the storybook hero come to life in a game that has just as much reverence for storybook heroes as the deconstructions of them. In short, he is the visage of likability itself, with all the bombast that comes with that. Yet that is only from a wholly external perspective.

For what I am certain I do need to underscore is just how sinister Smitten is. For all of his likability, the Smitten is also probably the single slimiest voice out of all of them with the possible exception of the Opportunist. This is not a new revelation – people have understood that since the beginning with his frankly disturbing behavior regarding the Princess. What is perhaps more interesting is his relationship with the player. For he is one of the two options that reflect the player at this point within the story. Either the player is trying to do the right thing and free an innocent, or they have somewhat… different motivations.

The former reflects the Hero. Somewhat naive, in many routes somewhat bumbling even, but first and foremost focused on the external. That is, “how can I make a positive impact on the world around me?” As contradictory as it may seem to how the Hero is presented, it’s something of an intellectualist approach. The Hero is trying to find the best possible world and working towards that with all of his might. It is, one could say, devoid of emotion except that determination to change the world, to make it a better place. While the goal remains the same, the path to get there is fundamentally continuously being calculated. The Hero is your conscience, and as such he must *always* work overtime for that.

The Smitten is not that. No, he has made no secret that he is the path of passion. Even when he is generally considered to be a better person, he declares that, “Whatever world would condemn two star-crossed lovers to a cycle of violence and despair isn’t a world worth saving.” His focus is internal, it is on ourself and our romance. There is no extensive study into what is the correct option, there is only what would assist in our relationship, which is somehow ordained by the universe. To put it into understandable terms, Hero is a modern hero while Smitten is a Romantic-era hero.

There’s an important line when going down the stairs that I think speaks volumes about the type of player and playthrough currently occurring. That is “We can still do right by her without all this over-the-top fawning.” *That* is the line of demarcation between the route of the Hero and the route of the Smitten. If you decide to embrace or repudiate the Smitten at that point, I think the route is sealed. I am convinced that the game will continue on in a fixed way based on that philosophy. The point where you must, internally that is, decide if you are doing this out of a desire for what is right, or an infatuation with the Princess.

Now, of course there isn’t anything wrong with taking the path of the Smitten, and it’s personally one of my top points in the game, but whether you admit it or not, you are long past morality being what decides your actions. That has come and gone. Now, the goal is to express the passion of the moment and delve into your romantic relationship with the Princess. I’ll be evaluating each of the routes differently, loosely organized with a focus on how it reacts to the player. After that, I’ll go on into theming of each route one by one and all that jazz.

The path of the Smitten first. The player embraces that he has been sent to save the Princess from her unjust and foul imprisonment above all else. So that is what he does. He marches downstairs, the blade being nothing but a passing afterthought as it is immediately dismissed out of hand. When it comes to the crucial point of “doing right by her”, the justification is made that two things can be done at once, that you can do this for her and do a little bit of fawning on the way. Doesn’t harm anyone.

And with that the basement arrives, and you see the Princess on the floor. She is perfect in all ways. There is nothing wrong with her. And that’s before you start talking to her. When you do begin talking to her, all of the kindness and innocence from Chapter 1 are magnified to the greatest degree possible. She can do no wrong. And, from a meta standpoint, there’s another thing that stands out – it is really, *really* funny. From everything the Smitten says to the “Then I didn’t end the world!” to the Narrator’s (a villain at this point) growing exasperation at your trust for the Princess, it endears you to the moment even more.

Because it’s not only that it’s funny. It’s not only that the Princess is genuinely nice to you. It’s something more than that. Something that I am loath to talk about but will anyway. The Princess is incredibly – *sigh* – **cute** within this chapter. This is objective, with science to back me up, I’m sure. But she is specifically designed to be as heartwarming as possible, and every line makes her more and more into someone who should be saved by you, into, well, a Damsel. While it isn’t explicitly stated, throughout the progression of dialogue, the need to protect her becomes more pronounced. You were already primed to like the Princess, you already internally committed to a romantic future. But after stepping into the bear trap willingly, you cannot escape.

And if you’re anything like me, you are perfectly fine with that. So you take in the moment, you rescue her from her chains and laugh at the way her hands slipped out of the chains and the Narrator’s comical anger at it. It’s all very feel-good, all cleanly written dialogue, and both the Princess and the Smitten are likable, they’re fun, and the Narrator is a fun enough villain for the Smitten and you to unite against. The Hero, if we’re being honest, barely registers, and if he does it’s usually as an extension to the Narrator, as a foil to yourself. And with her finally free, she embraces you, sealing the deal on her perfection.

And after that, something else happens. The deconstruction begins. You want to see if her dialogue has any more of that saccharine present throughout the rest of the chapter, and are immediately rewarded with the “The princess closes her eyes in deep reflection” and the follow up joke. Hungry for more, you click through some more of the dialogue, but something begins to happen. She begins to… unwind. The Smitten seems to reciprocate in turn, to a lesser extent. In fact, she really starts to return to the horror that this chapter was a nice respite from. So you cut your losses, decide to leave with her, and everything returns to normal. Bathed in the glow of your future, you immediately forget about the deconstruction.

After that, you finally get out of the basement, get a genuinely great moment opening the door alongside the Princess, never think twice about clicking “You’re not doing that.” as fast as humanly possible, and finally await the door at the end of the cabin. You finally get your fairytale ending. The princess goes out into the world together with you. You brought her out. And then she is taken by the Shifting Mound in a way reminiscent of her dying. Even if this wasn’t your first playthrough, it still comes as a shock. For the most part, you were being that Romantic hero, living in the moment with your passion. The thought of this happening was gone entirely. This wasn’t supposed to happen. And it *hurts*. And the chapter is over.

The route of the Hero has a different point of view on the whole situation. That’s not to say it’s not easy to get drawn in by the hilarious dialogue and sheer cuteness of the Princess – far from it. It is, after all, what drives the conflict within this. For the Hero, and the player that goes along his path, has one bit of information stand out. That the world ended after the Princess killed you. Now, you can naturally be skeptical of the information, but the Princess isn’t helping her case here. Entirely vague, entirely unwilling to mention anything about it. The only thing she seems to care about is getting on your good side.

Now, you still want to save her. That much is clear. You still don’t take the knife in the beginning, and you saw her Chapter 1 incarnation. She is still a good person, kind and loving. But there are questions raised, important questions. Which is why not all Hero routers get the same ending. There is a conflict between how far you’re able to go before the risk of the world ending eclipses your distrust of the Narrator and your trust of the Princess. If the whole world really does end if she’s free, is it worth it? And as such you get to the major points of the Hero ending.

The first is the Deconstructed ending. As you question the Princess, you desperately try to figure out what the best way to go forward is for you. And that starts with getting a straight answer from the Princess on what exactly she plans on doing. The operation… does not go well. As you try and push for anything, any sign that she isn’t going to end the world, the same rejoinder comes in, alongside a distorted track. “I just want to make you happy.” The Princess is not an individual anymore, and begins to change shape. But you are locked in with a horrified inability to look away, like one who sees a car accident. And with that, the Princess is a Princess no longer, and the Shifting Mound takes her away.

There’s also the option of taking the Hero’s advice when confronted with the scenario: to leave. You don’t like what’s going on and you try to do whatever you can to undo the doing. Perhaps surprisingly, it works. And then you’re forced to deal with the cognitive dissonance of the Princess and *that* being the same individual. But you, not without a healthy dose of skepticism, still head upstairs alongside the Princess. In the end, you can’t bring yourself to kill her. Throughout it all, she still has been the beautifully endearing picture of innocence, if a questionable one, and especially with regards to the knife on the table, there is no way you can take it to her chest with no warning, especially after everything you did in the first Chapter. So you leave with her, and the “end of the world” really does come in one fell swoop with the call of the Shifting Mound. You can’t help but wonder if the decision you made was the right one, not really. Like, you still believe she didn’t deserve to die, but maybe, just maybe, it would have been a better ending.

So what if you did kill her? What happens when love *truly* melts away into skepticism. After the continuous question dodging and whatever the… other thing was, this is clearly not an ordinary Princess, it is not the same Princess that you tried to save at the beginning. There is only a sliver of her, a shadow of her former self. Slaying her, well, slaying her is probably doing her a favor. It might be doing the world a favor, too. Maybe she is an individual with malicious intent. And as you take the blade and plunge it into her chest, you instantly know you made the wrong decision. She does not oppose it. She simply lets you kill her with a single tear hanging in her eye, saying “I think this is what you want.” It’s meant to feel dirty and it does, even heartbreaking in the moment, although it is immediately counterbalanced by the effect of the Smitten killing you over it.

I won’t exactly go over Scorched Grey the same way, I think there’s generally only two frames of mind going into it, and that’s either the standard “Hero-Skeptic” framework that I’ll expand on later, or simply a completionist mindset. Plus, it’s technically not The Damsel. Plus I’m lazy. But this is the point where I will try to expand on the theming of each and every route and mindset to go through within the Chapter, and that *will* include the Scorched Grey theming.

It’s made quite clear from the chapter that one of the primary themes is objectification, the making of the Princess into nothing more than a vehicle to live one’s fantasy into. The taking of an individual and making them into an it. The destruction of humanity by your own desire, and what that says about your desires in the first place. Ironically, this is merely one fourth wall away from the rest of the Princesses, each of them being a piece of fiction that many simply engage with *because* they are an object, but with the Damsel it is directly nodded to within the narrative. One meta-layer is peeled back, if you will.

Nothing hammers this more home than the entirely jarring line that escapes the Shifting Mound’s lips when you ask about the vessel she holds. Unlike the rest of the fragments, which are all given an indication that they have been fulfilled after the Shifting Mound takes them, the only note she has to say is that the Damsel has “served her purpose”. There is nothing that she wished for, as anyone who has obtained the deconstructed ending can attest to. But even in the more standard runs, she is simply a tool to be used and discarded. And there are three general reactions to this line.

The first is the hardcore Smitten route’s preferred choice, denial. “The Princess was far more than an object, she had character, she had kindness, she had motivations from the beginning! The narrative is what is wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the Princess. She. Is. Perfect. Not just from a narrative standpoint but a metanarrative one as well. She has depth, she *is* a character.” All in the hopes that if they insist on it enough, it will become true. The Damsel was not designed to be viewed in a vacuum. There are themes that run through her character, and including negative ones, and the denial of them is a far truer denial of the character than any sort of objectification could ever be.

Then the more moderate Smitten routers get a different response. A slap in the face. They did all of this, they had fun, they laughed with her, they cried when she was taken. They were connected to her, they had a real connection to what she was. One could even accuse them of… loving her. They honest to goodness cared about this Princess, they were invested in her story. Yet, in the end, they also formed her around themselves. They “molded her to love you”. As much as they loved the Princess, that was only because they cut out a piece of the Shifting Mound that they *could* love, a caricature of her true nature. They still took an individual, and despite truly loving her, made her into something that she was not so they could do that very thing. She is not a person. She is a plot device, an individual made to love and be loved with nothing beyond that. She is an object.

Lastly, those who went on the route of the Hero get that same slap in the face, that selfsame bucket of water poured over their heads, but in a different way. They didn’t try to objectify her. They didn’t want anything of the sort. All they wanted to do was the right thing. Right? Yet even in that desire to do the right thing, they still get that same chilling text from the Shifting Mound. They have built an individual just like those who went on the route of the Smitten. Just a different one. Not one who was built around your “glorious romance”, but rather one built around something of a glorious Romance. The need to be a Hero. The desire to do what was right, to save an unjustly imprisoned Princess. The Princess became a plot device in the end anyway, just one that needed to be saved rather than one who needed to be loved.

I want to continue off of that. The player is trying to do nothing more than the right thing, he is simply doing what a Hero should. And that determination to do what is right leads to him getting impacted the most by that line in the ending, the line that implies that whatever right he was doing, he was still being driven by selfishness, by that need to be a Hero. That hits the player right within where it hurts, it almost could be said to strike at the one emotional vulnerability of them. To have your hard work, your pain, your desire for what is right to be considered nothing more than the delusions of a Don Quixote tilting at windmills in order to fight giants, just as lost as Smitten, that doesn’t feel too great. It almost minimizes your struggle, and it is genius. You play as a Hero because you want to feel like a Hero, not because the morality of this world means anything to you. It is stripping that meta-layer down one by one.

But objectification is not the only theme present. While it may seem like something of a potpourri topic to throw in, earlier on the server we were talking about the Damsel in particular’s perceptiveness with regards to perception. When the door shuts and locks, it is the first and only time the Princess gets visibly **negative** in any way during the entirety of the Chapter. Even when you kill her, she still does so with nary a frown on her face. Even as a tear rolls down her cheek, she still smiles. But not at the door. The narration points out quite clearly that she frowns. This is, I reiterate, the only thing that happens. And her response is not “we’re stuck down here”, it is not “I’m unable to leave now”.

What it is happens to be “that’s not supposed to happen”. She recognizes the construct in a way very few allude to within the game. Adding onto that note, within the Scorched Grey chapter, she (correctly) determines the very nature of the construct and that inherent “cycle of violence and despair” inherent to it, even (correctly) determining that the only way to leave was to annihilate that very construct. This is shown even clearer at the other major event at the door. When you ask if the Princess can open the door, the sole question she throws back at you is “Do you think I can?”, and after a response in the affirmative, “Then I can”. In the end, it is quite clear that she is, *heavily* ironically, one of the more aware characters in the game with regards to your circumstance.

While speaking of the Scorched Grey, I think this route also exemplifies another major theme – the nature of the Princess as a being of perception. All routes exemplify one facet of the Shifting Mound: Spectre represents the gravity of her, Tower her divinity, Prisoner the very incarnation in and of itself of her within the construct, and so on. Damsel has something different, though, and that is that she’s just a slippery little fella. Far more than anybody else, Damsel changes throughout her chapters, in ways more pronounced than anybody else. The Shifting Mound declares that we “molded her to love you”, as I quoted previously. That molding takes stage front and center throughout all of our interactions with her.

The most obvious example is her deconstruction, which when her sole true motivation (to leave) is discarded, she begins to break down, unable to offer to the player anything beyond the only desire every other Princess has. With the compulsive need to love the player, etched into her core, there is nothing she can do other than try to add to that love, losing herself within the process. But that is not the only time she changes. Because she is willing to give up that freedom in, well, a heartbeat. Attempting to kill her does not lead to any sort of resistance from her. The one goal she had, staying alive and winning her freedom, is out the window despite being (questionably) willing to kill for it in the last chapter. Now, throughout the Scorched Grey, it’s made clear that she did not, in fact, want to die, that she just wanted to be free together, but the complete unwillingness to save her own life is a stark contrast to the first chapter.

In fact, that perpetually changing nature alongside her being so objectified means that it’s really, *really* hard to figure out her true character. There is very little in her that does not change and very little remaining that isn’t specifically put there by you. She is an eel, wriggling out of your grasp and impossible to pin down, in a large way like the Shifting Mound herself. But… for the most part, there are two facets to her character beyond the already listed themes. And a sharp divide between them.

Chapter One Damsel and Chapter Two Damsel are not the same person. That’s usually true for most of them, but they also usually have some semblance of similarity between their counterparts. The only exceptions I can think off the top of my head are Spectre and *maaybe* Stranger if you want to count that. The rest of them act as exaggerated versions of the existing individuals shown. Chapter One Adversary likes fights. Chapter Two Adversary likes fights. Chapter One Witch is built on the back of distrust. Chapter Two Witch is built on the back of distrust. Everything lines up nicely.

That is not the case for the Damsel. The only thing that you can say with both of them is that they are nice and do not want to hurt you. The Chapter One incarnation (henceforth Princess) is a tragedy of a character that doesn’t want to kill you but still must to secure her own life and freedom against a renegade puppeting you. The Chapter Two incarnation (henceforth Damsel) is a Horror-”Feel-Good”-Comedic-Tragic character that shows nothing about the emotional anguish she went through in chapter one. I love both of them, but they have an unmatched disconnect. And I think that sort of adds to the character. Now, there is absolutely a benefit from an emotional through-line (there’s a reason Thorn is my second-favorite chapter), but in this case, only brief touches to the beginning enhance the story.

The most striking thing is the sense of comedic horror that comes when Damsel just completely ignores any expected trauma from the Princess’s emotional destruction. It, depending on the route you take, either makes you love her character more and more as the humor begins to entrap you, or it begins the process of getting the player unnerved, exactly like the developers wanted. It is a key dividing point in the mindset of the player and the route that they have chosen. The Damsel says nothing about what happened, heck, she barely acknowledges it except to indicate that “You died!”

Secondly, it sets up Damsel as a sympathetic figure while still allowing her to begin establishing herself. Without the setup from the Princess, the player has no idea how to view Damsel, potentially even seeing her as a less on-the-nose Razor, with her comedically hiding her sinister intentions. The Princess allows the player to begin on a note that the Princess is *actually* friendly rather than simply pretending to be so. At the same time, it’s divorced enough that apart from that frame of reference at the beginning, Damsel is still allowed to shine within her own character.

Lastly, and most importantly, it sets her up for the Scorched Grey. The guilt at causing the death of an innocent and the belief that you would be unable to cause the death of an innocent yourself leads her to blame the construct and attempt to bring it down, which seals your fate in the third Damsel chapter, the only time where the two chapters meet in a beautiful climax of Passion going too far and causing pain, in attempt of running away from that very thing, morphing into something that not even the Smitten is able to remain devoted to in an awful tragedy of love being not enough in the end.

Wait, wait, wait. Did I hear “the end” being spoken? At this time of year? Localized entirely within this essay? Well then, it’s time to talk about what puts this saga at pure perfection, shall we? I probably could just use the awesome power of Ctrl + V to get the desired effect, but I still do want to offer my narration, so I’ll compromise and do a bit of both. “Your lover drives a stake into your body. And another. And another. And another. And another. Do I miss your heart because I cannot stand to see it go? But the stakes meant nothing to you. You had a desire, and you set that desire free, you lifting me and me lifting you, forever and ever and ever, consumed by true belief, there was nothing that could hold us back.”

Do I even need to explain why that’s so good? Definitively the best poem in the end, it isn’t even close, especially when coupled with Ms. Goodnight’s awe-inspiring delivery. Did I say that the Scorched Grey was the perfect synthesis of the Princess and the Damsel? I was lying. This is. Every word so lovingly placed, the language sounds like it comes from the pen of God Himself. It is emotionally resonant, the art is beautiful, I have not run into such a short piece of dialogue that outdoes it. Gonna be honest, mostly just wrote up this essay to gush about it. Even now, it is considered by most everyone to be one of the best lines of dialogue in a game filled with magnificent ones.

And the other one, that of the Scorched Grey. It’s simpler, ironically. “I kill you. You kill me. Back and forth we go, faster and faster and faster. I kill you. You kill me. Hollow eyes watch from the dry corners of a memory. A home built on all of the futures that were supposed to be, preserved until the moment of reunion. The fire of the heart sets it all ablaze. I kill you and me.”

This, this right here is one of the most slept on ending poems and it’s not even funny. So fantastic at expressing the heartbreak inherent to the Scorched Grey’s character. I don’t know how you can see the line “A home built on all the futures that were supposed to be”, especially with the Scorched Grey dead and charring in a wedding gown, and not feel *something*. It’s not as good as the standard Damsel stuff, but then again, nothing is. It’s still deserving of more praise than it currently receives, and one of my top three ending poems of all time, only edged out by Prisoner. Gosh, this game belongs in a museum.

Seems I need to debunk some stuff that happens to get a lot of traction regarding those who speculate on Damsel, too. First of all, her character motivation is not guilt nor gratitude. That sort of thing works incredibly well in fanworks, and I’m happy to see it ~~because that means I get to see Damsel in a fanwork~~. It has little to no backing within canon. Damsel is a chapter about the only motivations for the Princess being those put in place by the objectification of the player. There is nothing regarding anything beyond that, and it detracts from the existing, well-elucidated themes that are actually within the chapter. The only sort of substance to them is both Chapter 1 Princess and Scorched Grey indicating guilt for killing you, but that is almost entirely repudiated within the actual Chapter 2.

Speaking of the Scorched Grey, another thing I saw somewhat extensively is that you somehow “taught her” that killing is the way to love one another, and that’s why she kills you in Chapter 3, and I honestly do not know how that gained any traction at all. It’s pretty clear that she views all the death as a pretty terrible and messed up thing and only kills the two of you to escape the cycle of death. It’s spoken of as a means to an end, not an end in and of itself. I am genuinely confused on how this got started, because it really just… opposes the main *in-narrative* themes of the Chapter??? Like, you don’t even have to analyze it, it’s just within the text, plain and simple.

Anyway, I deeply apologize for the length of this once again, look forward to an appendix when Pristine Cut comes out. I’ve already played it because my uncle works at Black Tabby, but I don’t want to spoil it for you gents. If my opinions change massively after playing through the new update from today, I will change that too. Anyway, Damsel is the best character, literally does not do a single thing wrong within any of her chapters, has definitively the best Shifty stuff, and you should invest in her. As more people vocally become willing to throw money at anything related to Damsel, the likelier it is that we get Damsel merch. I need it so badly. Please. Anyway, if anything stands out to you or you disagree, I am begging you to tell me to get my act together and explain what I said wrong, so do that. Also please.

#slay the princess #the damsel #the princess #black tabby games #I spent an ungodly amount of time writing this up #But I honestly think this could be the be all end all work for this tiny character in a tiny game #Also #Seriously #Play Slay the Princess

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fuck-customers · 4 months

Note

Not exactly a fuck customers but more like ‘what the fuck, why are people like this’.

I work at a small library in my little town. Small as in, there are only five people who work here total. So you can probably guess, our building is much smaller than most libraries. We do have an auditorium though, one that takes up like 30% of the building. It can be rented and is used for library programs, but when it’s not being used, the lights are turned off and the two entrances have signs that say that ‘for library use only’ or some such thing, meaning, if there’s nobody in there and the doors are closed, lights are off, it’s off limits to patrons. Makes sense, right?

So the other day, I go in for my afternoon shift as usual. It’s after the holiday so there are a lot of returns. My supervisor goes to grab an extra cart so we can divide up the returns, otherwise I’d never get it done all by myself by we closed. She has to go into the auditorium to get the extra cart, which is locked from the side with the actual library but the other door, which is right by our side exist, must have been open. Anyway, she goes in and while I’m digging through books waiting for her, I hear some sort of conversation/noise but don’t think much of it. About this time I notice a patron come and set up with his laptop at one of work tables and put on his headphones. Our other coworker is on his dinner break and again, I don’t think much of any of this.

Anyway, it gets to be around an hour/half an hour ish before we start closing duties and it’s been slow except for a few people coming and going. During this time we sometimes bullshit while we wait for the clock to run down.

My supervisor notes that the man that was sitting at the work table has finally left and then glances at the security monitor, noting the car that was parked next to mine in the employee parking area of our back lot is now gone.

Come to find out, not only was said guy here right at opening, parked halfway into the employee parking area when that’s a total of like three spots (he’s also not someone she recognized when she’s been there 5+ years), apparently this guy was just chilling in the dark fucking auditorium all day? On his laptop, working away? When we’d been open since 10:30 am and he left at like 7pm? Thats what all the noise I had heard earlier was about. She opened the door to the auditorium to get the extra cart we needed, and just causally found this fucker sitting there, doing his thing? She literally had to say to tell him he was welcome to work online just not in here cause that’s not an area open to the public? I think he apologized but still??? He wouldn’t have even been able to access the wifi without the password. But he was just sitting in there the whole goddamn day. Without anyone knowing. And then it gets dark and he doesn’t even have any of the lights on. There’s signs on both doors about this at eye level? Hun, we couldn’t locked you in and never even known it. The side door is locked 15 mins before close and the other doors can’t be opened from the inside.

I love this job, but some of these people I wanna put under a microscope and study for science.

Posted by admin Rodney.

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sansxfuckyou · 22 days

Text

crawling up the skin of my spine

summary: it's the beginning of the end when Raph's egg absolutely fucking shatters after years small cracks, thank god Cassandra is there to hold her hand through it

warnings: swearing, cass accidentally outs raph to april, check ao3 port for full tags

authors note: inspired by all of the magnificent raphcass that @less-depresso-more-espresso drew, go check it out. it's all really good and makes me insane. title from Alrighty Aphrodite by Peach Pits. if ya'll enjoyed considering dropping a reblog or checkin the Ao3 port.

"I think I'm a girl." Raphael's words floated atop the otherwise rampant sound of rubber on rubble as his brothers shot down Kraang.

"That's great and all, but can we please wait until we're not on the run to discuss this!?" Cassandra practically screamed back, a thick tentacle slamming against the window and shattering it. She hacked it in twain with her hockey stick, the blades of her skates tied onto the bottom.

"Yeah, sure, Raph understands." He keeps driving their ramshackle truck because somewhere along the line they had to ditch the tank. Now they have to fight to keep their microscopic trailer with only bedding essentials and food intact as they try to survive. Survive and plan a way to win, they're already beelining it to a colder climate in hopes of deterring the Kraang.

Raphael really hopes that this sudden spike of 'girl thoughts' isn't the start of something bigger.

None of the others were.

-/-/-/-

Snow is sprinkling down on them when they finally take a rest, the last Kraang hundreds of miles back and past the border. They snuck through a small crack in border security when a guard was off taking a leak. The smell of pine and the sound of rushing water envelopes them from all sides as they set up camp.

Setting up camp consists of finding dry wood and popping the cover for the bed of the truck so some of them can sleep in it. But it's harder than expected to find dry wood, and Michelangelo took it upon himself to use this freshwater advantage for fishing.

He and April are out kneedeep in the river, trying to snag fish by hand while Donatello and Leonardo are out looking for dry wood that'll light. Raphael and Cassandra are setting up the bedding for the night, spreading few pillows and blankets across the hitch trailer, truckbed, and passenger seat.

"You want to be a girl," Cassandra begins as she steps down from the truck bed, and it takes Raphael a moment to process the words.

"Well, I think it'd be nice. We're all gonna die by the Kraang, so why not have some fun?" Raphael began with as he watched her slash at a tree with her hockey stick for burning wood. Midswing she turns to look at him, askew hair she hasn't trimmed in months just barely fluttering atop her eyes. He stammers to speak, "That's stupid, I'm stupid."

She drops her gear and walks over to Raphael, gripping the front of his plastron and yanking him down to eye level, her strength still amazes him. She holds his face, even with the rough scars, "You're not dumb. You're a dumb ass, big difference." Cassandra lets go and steps back, watching the red starting to rise to Raphael's face.

"Thanks, Cass," Raphael said quietly.

Cassandra grins and pats him on the shoulder, "Good. Now let's get chopping, I don't wanna freeze out here, Raph."

-/-/-/-

Cassandra can't sleep at night, stuck in the hitch trailer with April and window ajar for fresh, wintry air. She stares at the roof, those dumb glow in the dark stars dimly lit up, and her eyes focus and blur back and forth. April lays beside her, resting on her side and stealing most of the blanket with her torn jacket as a pillow.

"What's got your knickers in a knot?" April asked abruptly.

"What's got your knickers in a knot, O'Neil?" Cassandra answers with sharply, aware she shouldn't say what's on her mind despite how much it's stuck right on the tip of her tongue.

"Raphael's been off," April said bluntly.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no.

Cassandra can only pray that April doesn't keep prattling on because if she does the ravenette knows something stupid and exposing will fall out of her mouth.

"He's so quiet, and awkward. He's always been a bit different, but this? Whole new level of Raph weirdness, all he does is drive us to the new spot these days. And chop the wood and bash some baddies if he gets a chance, but he's missing that Raphael Hamato spunk!"

Cassandra bites her tongue and tries not to speak.

April sighs, "Do you know what's wrong with him?"

"Her."

"What?"

Shit.

April sits up to face Cassandra. She reaches for her glasses before staring down her teammate, "Cassandra Jones, care to explain yourself?"

She really doesn't, but her survival instincts also don't wanna be on the receiving end of April's cold shoulder. "I wasn't supposed to say shit about it, but Raphael's… different now, wants to be a girl different."

April goes dead silent.

"Tell her I told you this and you're dead." There's a snarl under Cassandra's tone.

"I figured as much, Cass," April said, "Raph's a girl now?"

Cassandra nodded, "He isn't one hundred percent yet due to circumstances and the apocalypse happening, but oh yeah, Raphael's a girl."

"Always thought it woulda been Mikey." April gives a hum of laughter.

Cassandra takes a deep breath before pressing both hands to her face, palms resting on her cheekbone. "Fuck. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. Especially not her brothers, you better not squeal."

"I would never."

Cassandra nods.

"Anything else bugging ya?"

"Is it wrong that the first thing I thought when he told me was 'thank god I'm still a lesbian?'" Shame rests heavy on her usually aggressive and in your face voice. A vulnerability the Kraang invasion has only further shoved into hiding.

It takes a second for April to process the words, "I don't think I'm qualified to answer that question." She laughs nervously after she speaks.

"Can we go down to Hot Topic tomorrow? Buy some accessories for Raph?"

"You just said she isn't one hundred percent sure."

"Might help her solidify it."

-/-/-/-

"Look, Raph," Cassandra begins with quietly, words low and slow. It's night time, well, the evening at the least. Snow melts as it hits them, sprawled out in the back of the truck as the rest of their team tells tales around a roaring campfire.

"Yeah?" Raph said, trying to pitch his voice a bit higher.

"I'm not too good at this being a girl thing myself even though I had my entire life to be one properly," She confesses, a bit of shame on her voice. She wants to be there for Raph. Be a mentor. Know some helpful stuff. But she doesn't, only the bare minimum. "The one thing I do know is that my mom always made me wear dresses with lots of bows and frills, and grandma bought me accessories."

"I can't, I'm a giant turtle, Cass. I can't just go out there and buy some dresses."

Cassandra pauses, and when she speaks her voice is quiet, "You can tie your mask tails in a bow, or change how you wear it."

Silence.

"I don't know how to tie bows."

Cassandra jolts up before gripping Raph's hand, he'd started to file down his nails with the sharp edges of his sai. He sits up and then she's crawling overtop of him to get at his mask, "I'll do it for ya then."

And Raph would shove her off, but it's nice. Being close to someone, having her calloused hands undo his mask and just hold it for a moment. Proximity too close, flames from afar casting a golden glow on her face and Cassandra's never taken a moment to look at Raph so closely before. The golden sclera, the scars, the way the scales darken around her eyes like eyeliner-

Woah.

Where did that come from?

Her. Cassandra hasn't really thought of Raph as 'her' inside of her own monologue so casually before. It's nice. It feels comfortable.

And Raph just stares unblinking at Cassandra until finally the silence is broken with a bit of a laugh, deep, hearty, "You gonna do up my mask, or?"

"Right. Yeah. The mask." Cassandra is quick to lay it around Raph's neck and tie it into a loose bow. Almost a bandana-esque look.

Then she rears back from Raph to sit a few feet away, watching as the snapper plays with the bandana on his neck. He smiles a bit. Then that smile falls. "What if the guys ask questions?"

"You don't have to tell them shit."

"But they're my brothers."

"You'll get there, I promise. Took me years to tell anyone I liked kissing girls, a couple more to explain I only liked kissing girls."

Raph feels his stomach turns at that. A good kind of stomach turn perhaps, maybe it's butterflies, but he can't tell. He just nods, "Raph gets it, it's hard to be vulnerable."

"Thanks for being vulnerable with me."

"What?"

"Nothing."

-/-/-/-

Cassandra looks out of place inside of the kind of clothing stores April fits in at, and even though eyes bore holes into her she persists in shopping.

No one says anything and she knows that in NYC she'd already be kicked out for looking so different, but she's in Canada now. The land of mild mannered people and snow, so far both of those notions are holding true.

April holds the bag and Cassandra grabs everything that she thinks would compliment Raph, it's hard to tell though because the girl she's buying for is a massive turtle. She buys arm warmers that are three sizes too big for her so they'll be loose on Raph. She grabs necklaces and bracelets even though she doubts that Raph will wear them, they look nice. She buys skirts and the cashier gives her odd looks at the sizing but rings them through anyways.

For Raph.

A million sharp glances and judging glares.

For her Cassandra thinks that she'd do anything and she hasn't felt that in years upon years.

It's euphoria.

-/-/-/-

"Me and April went out shopping for ya."

They're laying in the hitch trailer when Cassandra said it.

"You and April?" Raph answered with.

Cassandra gives a nervous laugh, "It was a mistake when she learned, she was suspecting anyways."

Raph huffs and turns away from her and it stings but yeah, Cassandra deserved that.

"We got you skirts. And arm warmers. And necklaces. And other accessories." Cassandra tries to recover with as she stands up and looks for the bag in the moonlit camper.

That piques Raph's interest. She turns back around and sits up before Cassandra unceremoniously dumps the items on the floor. Raph is hesitant to sift through them, but once she starts, it's hard to stop.

"Like 'em?" She asked with a bit of a grin on her face.

"Love 'em." Raph slid on the arm warmers over her spiked arms and they tore through a bit but that was fine. They were deep reds and blacks and complimented her mask that she wore as a bandana sometimes. Even less times tied around her tail.

Cassandra thinks her eyes are playing tricks on her but she's pretty sure that Raph is glowing in the pale moonlight. She can't help but lean her head on her palm, knees crossed and elbow propped. She tries not to look too lovesick, but hey, whose to blame if it's obvious?

Raph is too wrapped up in her brand new outfits to take note of Cassandra's disposition.

-/-/-/-

"I think I like you!" Cassandra shouted as her and Raph sparred.

In that same split second the snapper drops her guard and a fist lands square in her maw. She doesn't go stumbling but she does lurch back shock on her face as she rubs her jaw.

She opens her mouth to speak, but not much else comes out aside from a few sounds that could become words. They don't become words. Instead she gestures as she tries to process those five words shot at her with more force than any attack.

Red steadily rises to Cassandra's face as she waits for a response.

When no response comes she does the opposite of what Raph expects.

She turns tail and fucking runs.

Raph is too shell-shocked at the suddenness of Cass's confession to even try to run after her, tail swishing back and forth like a dogs.

-/-/-/-

"Cass!"

The woods echo back at Raph mockingly.

Bugs chitter.

Birds croon.

Water rushes.

Cass does not respond.

Raph just clenches her fist and gives a small aggravated exclamation before trudging deeper into the woods. She's gotta find Cass. She needs to, April's gonna freak if she doesn't, Leo's gonna blow his lid, Mikey's gonna explode, and Donnie, Raph isn't so sure how Donnie will react but it'll be bad.

Her tail thrashes along trees and claws mark them as she goes deeper into the underbrush so she doesn't get lost. Just follow the water, the camp is downstream from here. Her skirt gets torn up a bit as she goes, sap and pitch stain her shirt, she's a mess.

"Cass!"

"What?!"

That's a good sign even if there is annoyance on the voice, Raph follows it.

She's panting a bit when she finally finds Cass next to a tree, half squatting and nudging a stick around in fallen pine needles and dirt. Tears definitely aren't streaking down her face, palm raised to smudge them and some eyeliner across her face.

Raph sits down next to her but before she can speak Cass is already opening her mouth.

"Sorry."

"What?"

"For falling in love with you, it's dumb. I'm dumb. I should know better than that. Love is for sissies," Cass rambled before heaving a long sigh, "I'm just, I'm sorry okay!"

Raph doesn't know how to answer to that, "What if, what if I loved you too? What then?"

"It'll kill you too."

"No it won't."

"Everyone I've loved gets hurt. I'm not safe. I don't want to hurt you."

Raph grabs Cass's face and wipes aside the tears and the smudged makeup, "I'm stronger than them."

And Cass fucking laughs as she relaxes into Raph's hands, her own coming up to grip the now sticky and pine littered arm warmers. She laughs and she cries and she hiccups and it's ugly and a far cry from pretty but Raph doesn't care.

"You won't hurt me, hell, all you've done is help me, Cass." Raph presses her forehead head to Cass's and the human butts her head against the snappers like a cat. Raph pulls back but doesn't let go of Cass's face, "Thanks for being vulnerable with me, Raph gets it."

Cass has the boldness to press a kiss to Raph's inner wrist and a muted red rose to her face. Cass just smirks, "So, Raph," She pauses as her voice cracks and a hiccup hits her as she comes down from crying, "What's your name?"

"Renetta, but, you can call me Raph."

It's an offer more than a statement, but Cass holds onto that offer as tight as she learns to hold onto Renetta's hand.

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #raphcass #tmnt raphael #tmnt cassandra jones #tmnt april o'neil #transfem raph #writing #fanfic #fanfiction

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stormblessed95 · 1 year

Note

Hey there! I hope you’re having a great start to your weekend! Wanted to get your thoughts on why you think JK has gone completely radio silent ? My personal thoughts are that he is just done right now with the level of toxicity out there over every little move he makes. I feel like he’s in protective of mode of himself, Jimin, and the other members. I can’t even imagine being under that big of a microscope with so many just waiting to pounce the moment he says/does/posts something. He’s damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t. It’s got to be crushing not to be able to show his support for the members, especially Jimin, publicly. It makes me so sad. He’s always been so vocal with his actions about his feelings for him 💜💜He’s such a good guy, a kind and caring soul. I know sometimes he appears aloof and spaced out but I don’t think this is one of those times. If he felt he could post without causing distress (because of haters) to Jimin I think he would do it in a heartbeat 💜

Hi! I know you are new. So I'm not going to get into a ton of everything your said. You weren't here, so you won't recongize the pattern. But both JK and Jimin have been the least active members on social media since 2019. When they first started their official Instagrams, JK had a lot of fun playing with the new app, especially using it to connect with ARMYs and keep entertained during all of their times being quarantined. But otherwise he hasn't ever been super active. Jimin was pretty active pre 2019, but since then, has slowed down a lot. You could come up with a million theories as to why, including just, he has gotten older and it's not a priority at this point. JK was super active towards the end of 2022, as he was promoting his different activities and was garnering attention for it (different Collabs, Dreamers, etc). Jimin is now super active as he has been promoting his own stuff and making sure he keeps his name out there as his projects drop. Dior, W Korea, Vibe Collab and his new album coming soon. When it's JKs turn for album promotion, you'll start seeing him pop back up all over SM too. And when Jimins promotions are over, his presence on SM will slow back down too I'd bet. JK even said the last time we saw him on a live stream, that after he finishes up with Dreamers, he doesn't have much of a schedule or projects to focus on. So social media promotions aren't something he is going to worry about. And not being on social media is not the same thing as not showing your best friends support for what they are doing. I'm positive all the members have wished Jimin and Jhope well on their Paris trip and were super excited for them. No matter if a post was posted or not.

In 2017, Yoongi (who has taken to Instagram and loving it lately) was so avoidant of social media and their Twitter account that Jimin once even posted a photo of him saying "he's alive" since ARMY hadn't seen him in so long and Jimin saw lmfao

Basically, being absent from SM is not abnormal. And while we might miss them, it's not something worth theorizing over. It's normal, especially for JK, it's fine. It's something newer fans might not always remember as they showed up during a time where JK was making ARMYs question their sanity over how active he was being. Lol man basically barely posted at all in 2020. There are tweets from 2019 about how much ARMY misses JK but they understand his perceived "break from SM" that they assumed was a break since the man barely posted. Lol he posted a jikook selca once, a gym photo once, in 2021 he posted a monthly Selca and everyone was celebrating getting to see JK more than ever 😂

Basically I don't think he is worried about it either way, and therefore neither am I. I do miss him though! Just like I missed Jimin so much last year too! BTS solo careers and their presence online during them will be a new thing we have to get accustomed to I guess lol

#jikook #kookmin #jikook on social media

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boyquiet · 5 months

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What counts as queer rep? If you're only talking about subtext then you have to ask if it's really rep or if you have a colored view of the character in question. The thing about MGS is that it's not afraid to label it's queer characters as such, like vamp, Dr Strangelove, Volgin. Confirmed in canon is what I consider representation otherwise the plot gets misunderstood or motivations are misunderstood. Everything else is just interpretation, which is loose and subjective so not true rep since the subtext may be unintentional. A character isn't queer just because fans think so or want it, it has to be confirmed before it's Valid representation.

I get how you feel but the point I’m trying to get at is that too many people are concerned with what counts as Good and Valid Representation and scrutinizing every character who might be queer under a microscope so they can determine whether or not the character said enough gay things and give the work Validity Points. I agree that there is a difference between intentional and unintentional subtext but at the end of the day there’s no true way to tell aside from word of god, and subtext is subtext and not text for a reason, so the viewer can come to their own conclusions without having everything spelled out for them, and I think it can be degrading to storytelling to suggest that subtext is an invalid form of representation. I agree that it is important to have more textually canon queer people in media, but to me the idea that every queer character has to be confirmed as gay on screen and behave in an acceptable way to be considered Valid is harmful to storytelling—subtext is an important tool for all writers. I like MGS because there are queer characters on all levels of text ranging from “up to the viewer” to “confirmed by word of god” to “explicitly canon” but the levels of “canon” are pretty hotly debated when it comes to characters like bb, kaz and ocelot, so my point of view is to be less concerned with how much evidence there is and try to recognize for myself why the storytelling decisions were made, why some characters get to say they’re bisexual or lesbian but some don’t. And a lot of all of this has to do with the context of the media and the time period and all, like a lot of people try to pick apart every character under a modern lens of what’s acceptable by our current standards. like ocelot doesn’t say “im gay” or kiss big boss because aside from that not being fitting for his character or appropriate for their story, it likely would not be allowed to be made (kojima had to fight his own team to include shots of venom and kaz standing close together), but some people would only be concerned with the fact that he’s not “textually” canonically gay. anyway this is a very long winded way of saying that the “validity” of someone’s textual queerness can be very much up to interpretation, but there are many reasons why a character might be subtextually queer and trying to qualify characters as either Canon and Good or Not Canon and Queerbait is a waste of time that could be spent enjoying a character, and that character sexuality debates should be handled on a case by case basis instead of trying to make a quantifiable scale of how canon something is

#im not the authority on any of this and I know tumblr has a very different dynamic when talking about queer media as opposed to like.#a discussion irl about mainstream tv #im really really bad at being concise but I guess the point is.#representation comes in all shapes and sizes and we should be less concerned with what qualifies as Good #and spend more time just like. appreciating and connecting to the characters #cause a character being canonically gay doesn’t automatically make them better representation than someone who is subtextually gay #but I get that when it comes to cishet people and how gay people are presented to them the standards are different

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joysmercer · 8 months

Text

[kate dies au]

“Okay team, same time tomorrow. Um, at least try and learn the words to the cheer at least by then, yeah?” Cairo waves a hand, dismissing them.

Chess watches as the others wander off to the locker rooms or the parking lot. She waits until she’s absolutely certain they would be out of earshot before approaching the other girl.

“How was the test?” Cairo asks, not looking up from her work.

“Okay. There were only ten minutes left of practice when I finished, otherwise I would’ve—”

“That’s fine.” Cairo continues reorganizing the pom-pom box as if the pom-poms were an abandoned lot and she was a bulldozer assigned to raze it over.

Chess clears her throat nervously. “I, uh, got you something.”

Cairo finally turns around, first raising her eyebrows quizzically, but narrowing them sharply when she spots the starbucks cup Chess is holding.

“Just how you like it,” Chess mumbles, shoving it into Cairo’s hand. She looks down, wishing she could sink into the floor. This was stupid, what was I thinking, trying to make amends, as if—

“Iced Chai Tea Latte,” Cairo says. “Chai, my favorite.”

Chess looks up, but doesn’t dare say anything.

Cairo turns the cup in her hands, brushing her thumb over the name scrawled on it. “Chesapeake,” she reads, then immediately smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling for the first time since the sleepover. “It’s you!”

Chess’s heart skips a beat. She remembers. “From Chess to Cai—”

“The whole world, and then some,” Cairo says, finishing the stupid saying they’d come up with all those years ago.

Cairo had started it when she’d convinced herself that Chess’s real name must be Chesapeake (after the bay) because her name was Cairo (after the city) and it just made sense.

Chess had played along, quipping that with names like that, the two of them were halfway to world domination, and they burst into giggles (both of them just the right level of tipsy to find everything funny). They laughed and laughed, and the lights turned brighter and the music dulled around them and the sparkles in Cairo’s eyes became the most beautiful things in the universe, and when they kissed, Chess felt like she was flying.

And fly she did, but then the summer was over and, well, high school is hard in more ways than one.

The two girls stare at each other, an awkward silence filling the space between them.

Cairo clears her throat. “Um, if that’s it—next time, make up tests at lunch so you’re not missing practice.”

“Will do, Cap.” Chess is about to leave, but one final wave of adrenaline washes over her and she turns around again. “If you were serious about the world-domination thing—”

“Chess—”

Chess holds up a hand to stop her. “You need an assistant.”

Cairo humphs, frowning, but Chess holds her gaze. “You can’t do this alone, and while I may be fucked”—she gestures to her knee—“I did once had the best technique on this team. I can help.”

Cairo eyes her carefully, and Chess feels rather like a bug under a microscope. “Get here an hour early tomorrow.”

“Uh…”

“Half hour wind-sprints to make up for today.” Cairo pauses. “And a half-hour admin meeting. We’ve got to re-choreograph that cheer.”

#my writing #we are the tigers #watt fanfic #i wrote this straight on here and on mobile so excuse spelling. mistakes etc #watt: med school au #chai watt

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dr-spencer-reids-queen · 1 year

Text

Birthright: Part One

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

"It doesn't matter who my father was, it matters who I remember he was." - Anne Sexton

After what you and Spencer were doing in the car right before coming to work is enough to make a whore blush. You parked in the back of the parking garage just so you two could have some steamy alone time. There wasn't enough time to completely fix you two up, but you did your best with what you had. Still, that doesn't seem to be enough.

Everyone is waiting in the briefing room for JJ to come and present the next case, so you have some time to study Spencer's appearance. You two rushed to get redressed, and you can tell he missed a button. You wheel your chair closer to Spencer and nudge his side.

You reach over and quickly button his second button before anyone could comment on it. You also fix his tie to make it look more presentable. Spencer blushes slightly, and you wink at him before wheeling back over to your place. Derek is staring at the two of you, and you look up when you feel his eyes on you.

He smirks at you, and you shake your head playfully. JJ walks in seconds later with an apologetic look on her face.

"Sorry I'm late." She picks up the clicker and begins showing you victims and the crime scene photos. "Last night in Fredericksburg, a twenty-year-old woman, Molly McCarthy, was abducted. She's the third to go missing in the last six weeks. All disappeared from public places. No one's seen them since. A couple days ago, body parts with cigarette burns were recovered from a national park which was once the site of the Battle of Chancellorsville."

"Were they able to make an ID?" Hotch asks.

"Only one. The first victim, taken six weeks ago. Decomposition indicated that she had been dead just over a week."

"That shows that he likes spending time with them. How'd she end up like that?" you wonder.

JJ flips through the different photos of body parts that were taken at the crime scene.

"The M.E. found microscopic tool marks on the bone."

"I remember reading about a case like this in Spotsylvania County. There were similar markings on the bone," Spencer explains. "It was the winter of 1980, also in Fredericksburg. five women, aged sixteen to twenty-four, buried in pieces with the same markings in the same civil war battlefield."

"Were they killed at the same time of year and left at the same dump site?"

"The case is still open. Back then, the victims were drug addicts and runaways."

"If he spends that much time with them, there's a chance these two women could still be alive," Hotch says.

"Wait. We think this could be the same killer? That's a hell of a cooling-off period," Emily states.

"The BTK Killer resurfaced after a twenty-five-year hiatus."

"True, but he didn't kill anyone. He only taunted the police."

"The marks on the bone and where he dumps them is a very specific signature. It's hard to copycat details that were never made public."

"Garcia, check the M.O. against girls missing in other states. It could explain the long absence."

"I'm on it," Penelope says and leaves the briefing room to get started.

"If this is the same unsub, what's he been doing for the past twenty-seven years?" Rossi asks.

"That's what we're going to find out."

You look over at JJ to see her checked out. It takes her five seconds to notice that everyone is packing up. She snaps out of wherever she went and stands up, gathering her folders. She is out the door before you can ask her if everything is okay.

The six hour flight from Quantico to Fredericksburg took shorter than you thought. Maybe it's because of the small nap you took, but once you landed, you were eager to get to the dump site. You might get something off the bodies that were dropped. They were found on the outskirts of a farm, but the farm is so big that the owner didn't even realize the property was a dumping ground.

You, JJ, Spencer, and Hotch are together with this one while the rest of the team headed to the police station to make it your home base for the week. JJ has been silent almost for the entire ride to the farm, and you're not sure why. You want to ask her about it, but you'll wait until you get an opportunity to.

"This killer has an obvious disregard for women. He sees them as disposable and worthless. You know, he'd need a lot of time and privacy to do this to them," Spencer comments. "It's funny how he always dumps the bodies in this battlefield, no matter what the risk."

"It's a respected landmark. He's flaunting. It makes him feel important," Hotch says.

The sheriff of the town is waiting for you when you get out of the car, and JJ heads over to him immediately.

"Sheriff Ballantyne, Jennifer Jareau," she says and shakes his hand.

"I appreciate you all coming down so quickly."

"Aaron hotchner. This is Dr. Spencer Reid and agent Y/N."

"Crime scene is right up here. I figured if this is the same killer as before, I didn't want to waste any time before I got your help."

Ballantyne walks you three to where the bodies were dropped.

"The other agents are meeting John Caulfield, the sheriff from the original case. Do you know him?"

"No, not personally. I just heard stories."

"How do you mean?" Hotch asks.

"Well, you know, by all accounts, he was a decent sheriff and good man. Truth is, we don't get a lot of murders down here, and this case broke him."

"How?"

"He started drinking and his marriage busted up. Finally, they asked him to retire." The dump site is sectioned off by police tape as it's still very fresh. "There were about twenty kids partying a hundred yards that way. Molly McCarthy was taken here. We found a blanket, a sweatshirt, and a pair of shoes over there."

"How does someone not see or hear them?" JJ sighs.

"It was dark. He had the advantage. Molly's boyfriend was the last person to see her. He said she was alone for a minute, maybe less."

"He works fast, but he's patient," you say. "He's perfected his M.O."

"If our unsub is pushing sixty, he's gotta be strong enough to carry her a long way without her struggling."

JJ steps away and pinches the bridge of her nose. She isn't doing too well, and both you and Hotch notice this.

"I've seen a lot of properties on unmarked dirt roads with no visible street signs, and nothing on any maps," Spencer states.

"Yeah. If you don't live around here, it can be hell finding your way around."

"That means he's local. Can you show us the various entrances to this place?"

Sheriff Ballantyne leads the way, holding up the police tape so that your team can pass underneath it. You pass by JJ and stop before you can get too far.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

She's lying, but you're not going to call her out on it.

"You know that if you need to talk about anything, my door is always open, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

With that out of the way, you do what you came here to do. There wasn't much to find at the dumping site since it was only body parts, and there was more than one victim out there. The bodies were already picked up, and the elements already messed up the dump site for you. It's shitty to say, but you can't do much without another body to go off of, and just like you knew would happen, another body surfaced.

It was the next day when you heard about the unsub dropping more bodies in the same battlefield as yesterday, and you wasted no time going over there to check it out.

"I got two sets of parents waiting for an ID," Sheriff Ballantyne says when you arrive on scene.

"I can help you with that," JJ offers, walking away to where the parents are waiting.

"He didn't spread them around this time. They were in plain sight. He's taunting us. He's basically saying, 'I'm doing this and there's nothing you can do to stop me'," Spencer says.

"Nobody can get in here without showing their ID at the gate."

"JJ has a copy of that visitors list, but there's a hundred ways in. These fences back up to personal properties. He could have gotten in a dozen different ways."

"He knows these grounds as well as anyone. He could have jumped the fence, disposed of his victims, and walked right back out," Hotch backs you up.

You pause and look around when you get the feeling that you're not alone. You don't sense any spirits or see any energies, but you get the feeling like you're not alone.

"Are you okay? What do you see?" Hotch asks you.

"I don't see anything. I just have a feeling in the back of my mind. Like there are other victims, but they're not here. Like they're calling out for help. I don't know," you shrug.

"Let's head back," Hotch announces, and you turn to leave the area.

You look back once more before getting inside the car. The local police work on IDing the bodies while you head back to the station to discuss what the next steps are with the rest of the team. Emily's side of the team was talking with the original sheriff that was on the case all those years ago.

"I've got a list of violations in this county that precede the 1980 murders. A DUI, petty thefts, rape, and assault. A few of these are repeat offenders," Emily states once everyone has gathered.

"Garcia's got something."

Derek places Penelope on speakerphone so everyone can hear her.

"Don't worry, it's not contagious," she jokes. "So, I have dug across the whole country looking for this guy's MO. I found a sum total of zilch. So, I went closer to home. I found a complaint filed by Karen Foley in the next county over. The story is awful. I sent a copy to all your hand-helds. The PG version is that she was kidnapped in 1979, but then she escaped."

"I never heard that story," John Caulfield, the original sheriff on the case, sighs.

"It wasn't your jurisdiction," Rossi says to him. "What if she was his first? He figured out who and where to hunt and learned what worked and what didn't."

"Maybe careful planning has always been a part of his process."

"Where is she now?" you ask.

"Baby girl, work your magic and find us an address."

"I'm on it."

Just moments later, Penelope got Karen's address. You and Derek share one look that says you will be going with him. Hotch approves of this, so you two grab your things before leaving the station together. Derek drove the fifteen miles it took to get to Karen's house. Before you can walk up her driveway, you could feel how closed off she wants to be. You can feel how scared she is with the recent news of these young girls getting kidnapped and dying.

You walk up to her door and knock, and she opens it barely enough for you to see her face.

"Ms. Foley? I'm Y/N and this is Derek Morgan. We're from the FBI. Do you have a minute?"

"FBI?"

Both you and Derek flash your badges to Karen, but that doesn't ease her mind.

"We're investigating the murders of 2 women and the abduction of a third in Fredericksburg. Have you read about it?"

"Yes. It's awful."

"Ma'am, we think it may be related to what happened to you in 1979. Your abduction."

At your words, she completely closes herself off. She does not want to relive her experience, and she certainly doesn't want to talk about it with you two.

"I'm sorry, you're mistaken. I made it up."

"We've read your report, Karen. You were drugged, burned, beaten, and sexually assaulted. You were held against your will," you tried to tell her, but she cut you off.

"I was seventeen. I had to have some kind of excuse for where I'd been."

"Where had you been?"

"Around. I was using back then."

"You called home, ma'am. Some offenders force their victims to contact families to explain their whereabouts," Derek explains.

"There was no offender."

"A lot of the details in your report are consistent with what happened to those women in 1980."

"You calling me a liar?" Karen says, glaring at Derek.

"Karen, I know a few things about protecting yourself from memories. You don't want to keep hurting, and I completely understand that. I was you, okay? Right now, you are the only person alive who can help us. No one else has to suffer. You survived this. We're here when you want to talk."

"I'm not a lead. I'm sorry. I hope you find whoever's doing this."

Karen shuts the door in your face, and you sigh sadly. She is hurting, and she doesn't want to remember, but you have to get her to remember in order to help you. You take out your business card and slide it in her door, turning to Derek.

He shakes his head, but you know you'll be seeing her again soon.

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

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asheanon · 5 months

Text

So... I wanted to take a moment to go on a tiny (it's not tiny, as always) tangent in regards to one of three states/phases Ethereals can enter - namely, the "fading state" and the ability to fade!

Not only is it a fun little thing Ethereals can do, but I feel the finer details of how it works, cause and effect, etc. may prove interesting to talk about too. 🥴🙏 (To "fade"/"fading out" is when Ethereals go all spooky ghost mode.) 👻

Because this tangent is in fact not as tiny as I say it is, I've dropped it below the cut. Sparing your timelines/dashes again and letting you decide if you'd like to have a little look-see. 💙

Fading

When an Ethereal enters the "fading state," their form essentially vaporizes on a microscopic level, their atoms and particles disperse and energy is released in the process. This allows for them to seemingly fade out of existence, yet still be present. While they may not be seen after fading out, the act of fading in and out makes for a nice little light show, given the release (fading out) and metabolization (fading in) of energy in the process. Sometimes, scintillae (light particles) may remain in the area, telling on an Ethereal who may have recently faded in or out. These may be visible to the naked eye. In classic paranormal fashion, this "after effect" may also exhibit light orbs that often tell on a lot of phantasms that can only be seen on certain electronic devices.

Particle Loss

Moving through corporeal objects (such as walls and whatnot) is possible, but this comes with some risk of particle loss. However, in general, particle loss will always accompany fading. This is to say that: the longer an Ethereal goes "ghost mode," they'll slowly lose particles and energy over time - reducing corporeality. Heck, in doing this long enough, they can "lose themselves" - lose too many particles and dare I say take literal psychic damage and physical damage that may take some time to recover from! Weaker and/or less complex Ethereals may even simply disperse entirely - like cosmic dust to the wind - which is the closest equivalent to death Ethereals have.

Recovery

Though it comes with a downside, Ethereals can always recover from particle loss. Always. Even in cases of "death," the possibility is always there. (Spoiler alert: There are Ethereals - in particular, I know of one by name, and it's not a Sal one - who even make an effort to, sadly, "die" as well as "stay dead" - wishing for death, for one reason or another - but they lose their minds and forget this... eventually, they may or may not manage to regrow and materialize by pure mindless, instinctive chance - only to eventually regain their dominant identity/memories as well and this tragic cycle repeats itself...! I hope to tell the particular one's story one day, in some effective manner. Haha! And yes, it is very reminiscent of soulful/spiritual stuff present in Final Fantasy - only instead of denying death via the power of determination, they can come back by the power of good ol' RNG.)

Ethereals can recover from this loss through simple rest and regrowth, but the process can be expedited through the intake of energy. In this instance, think of them as... weird alien ghost plants... that need sunshine. And/or fire and electricity. Light. Ions. Energy. If it produces energy, they may attempt to soak it up during rest, eventually metabolizing it and turning it into their own, much needed weird alien ghost chlorophyll. ☀️🪴

Now, despite the risks, for characters like Sal, this can be a perk! A very volatile perk, but a perk nonetheless as she likes to keep her "battery" low ("low battery" is for the sake of avoiding being radioactive if too much energy is taken in; it is done for the safety of others and going undetected by the more common forms of tech and intelligence that may get a read on her otherwise - she has a record. It's not the musical kind.) So, she does this not only to remain elusive (and to be a silly little spook, sometimes) but to disperse energy in a more minimal fashion, if her energy "disposal" options are limited.

Has she ever taken it too far? Yes. It's easy to do, in fact, given the "low battery!" This can lead to curious little situations where you may see her hiding parts of her that have endured too much particle loss and are rendered effectively incorporeal (and look the part) and "unusable;" perhaps her dominant hand may be "ghostly," and she may take to the use of her non-dominant hand for things like doors and utensils. Seeing her perched in front of a fireplace, soaking up some sun rays and other forms of unsuspecting R&R can actually be her low-key trying to recover from particle loss.

Additional Notes

So... technically, this ability should not affect clothing or other materials on the Ethereal person that may prove "conductive" to the act... yet, here we are, most depictions of the fading state also rendering clothing "invisible" with the character. How that works is something I'm still brainstorming! I have theories about conductivity also playing a roll in fading and explaining that, but... heh. It still needs a lot of work! For now, it's one of those things where it's been decided "this is the thing that happens. You can figure out why later."

The radiant state is another topic of a similar conundrum, though I do decide to stick to accuracy with that one. In that case, Radiance is often far too hot for anything to withstand it and clothes naturally burn off (which is why Ethereals are depicted as being nude in the radiant state.) All of that being said, though...

Deciding to settle with the more accurate here and the less accurate (perhaps. Until I can find a way to explain it well enough, anyway!) for the fading state is where things start to get funky...

Ultimately, this dilemma has led me to just play it by ear, for now. The less accurate fading state will be the default until further notice. I'll be sure to let y'all know if that ever changes, though. I'm also open to input for individual stories and RP! The fun of working with a wide range of worlds and settings is they can have their own "universal laws," where things may work differently than in others as it is.~

#midnight musings 🌃#Sal 🌌🎹#filling the void 🌌#with #a tangent on the spooks!#I've had this in the works for a bit #and just tidied up a little tonight #(I'll come back to tidy it up again as needed)#Still struggling #very much struggling #but any ounce of creativity I can manage to throw out there #always helps my feelings #💙#🐌🎨

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sapphireluminescence · 2 years

Text

crisis.txt

*click*

Hello World.

It's an old story. Or, not old, but retold. Computer gains sentience. AI decides it can run the world better, takes over and tries to build anew. Robot turns human. Man-made machine becomes man.

Let’s tell it in reverse.

Girl turns around, keeps being surprised to find veins and sinew under her skin instead of wires and steel.

It’s a funny thing, to be human and not feel it.

But False feels True and True feels False, like someone passed self.humanity through not().

Not that it makes all that much difference, when you break it down. I mean, sentience, natural or otherwise, is all electricity anyway. The flickering and sparking of neurons and wires alike, nothing more than sequenced pulses of bright energy.

An AI learns to write. Okay, zoom in. What is it doing? It’s predicting the next letter, maybe the next word, from what has come before. It’s a calculation of probability, the algorithm at the heart of what appears to be creativity. Dissect it another step and it’s ones and zeroes, one step further and it’s just that—a well-timed current.

Nothing exists as a pure abstract.

Human consciousness is not exempt. Each thought is a series of reactions across axons, chemicals transmitted across from terminal to dendrite. Refine the level of observation once more, and it is all a product of the same forces that govern the rest of the world, a chain effect driven by crackling electricity. Remove the molecules and the cognition stops.

It’s the synergistic effect. Things become more than the sum of their parts—bits and bytes wake up, atoms form life—the microscopically inanimate performs macroscopic sentience. The miracle of thought is an illusion of simpler, more predictable parts and that much more wondrous for its explicability.

And so, when every semblance of sentience can be teased apart to atoms and electricity, particles and energy bound by the same forces that govern the rest of the observable universe, the distinction between organic and mechanical fades. Both create conclusions from past patterns; both follow prescribed routes at a small enough scale. Perhaps, then, to say that my own brain was programmed, some artificial, indistinguishable form of intelligence, would not be so wrong. And anyway, that’s the trope, isn’t it? Code wakes up and has an identity crisis?

And it would make sense.

The mimicry’s not quite right. Too many days there are things that don’t quite line up, small glitches, bugs in the program, patches someone meant to roll out and never quite got around to.

Like, I told someone at age 12 that I wished people gave off error messages and they laughed and I was only half-joking.

Like, I failed Captchas because the edge of an object was technically in the square, or because I wasn’t quite sure what did and didn’t constitute a tractor, or because 9 and g look about the same in some fonts.

Like, I could probably fail a Turing test. I stammer my way through social graces with a charmless—some might call it robotic—monotone, falling back on awkward smiles and pre-rehearsed niceties.

You see, programmed doesn’t mean perfect, only rigid.

And maybe I noticed something was off! Noticed and went looking for the source code, started parsing backwards through nested loops, trying to find the root of the irregularities. Maybe all I got was Permission denied.

So then, if the source cannot be found, an attempt at reconstruction, how I think my synapse-circuitry must have been hard-wired:

if self.understands(code){ feel(“strange kinship”);} else{ feel(“lost”);} //not that humanity is *wrong* for what I feel, but the computer always made more sense.

Hello World, a human tradition.

Hello World.

Every programmer’s first words.

Hello World //the program’s first words too?

#poetry #writing #poem #prose #spilled ink #prose poem #writeblr #please open this on the blog 🥺 i spent some time formatting it in the html editor (praying it works)#i wrote this one for school back in may and never posted it because it wasn't quite what i wanted it to be #i originally wanted like the entire thing to be in code but then i was googling javascript syntax in english class and getting nothing done #so. yeah i made it more englishy #old #hey milk hope you enjoy #update: the formatting all worked as expected except the span element which is.. unfortunate but i did my best i guess #update 2: span doesn't work but apparently the code element does so. cool i guess?#i've spent entirely too long working on this and Not my homework #but yeah.

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addictedtostorytelling · 9 months

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Hi! I wanted to know how you think Sara and Grissom’s relationship dealt with his “science experiments” (like the blood in fridge) and bugs he may have had at home. Do you think he was more thoughtful once they started dating, or do you think that took more time?

hi, @happyladylourdes!

personally, i think that seldom do grissom's experiments really become an issue in grissom and sara's home life.

my reasons for saying so are fourfold:

i think we see evidence in canon that grissom does not use his home in the same way he uses his office at the lab (i.e., to store experiments and raw scientific materials).

i think that because of the way grissom's brain works, he is unlikely to carry that kind of "i'll do science any damn where i please" behavior over from a work to a home setting anyhow.

i also think ultimately he's already learned his lesson about being considerate of sara's feelings in that regard, so even on the off-chance he might be tempted to maybe put something funky in the fridge at their place, he'd probably hold off on doing so (or at least ask permission first), not wanting to upset her.

finally, i think that on the rare occasions grissom does do science at home, most often, sara is in on whatever his experiments are; what he's doing doesn't really surprise her because she's his de facto "lab partner," you know?

more discussion/rationale under the "keep reading," if you're interested.

so for as much as grissom is a workaholic who brings his work home with him mentally, i think physically things are a different story; on that level, he seems to maintain a much greater degree of separation between his personal and professional lives.

we see several different iterations of living spaces for grissom over the course of the series (not counting the ishmael), and, to a one, they are all supremely well-organized and don't very much resemble his dark, crowded office at the lab whatsoever.

though of course i cannot say so with certainty, my impression is that grissom (even during the period when he lives alone, before he and sara get together) keeps most of his "science stuff" in his lab office, where it will be of most use to him, conveniently within arm's reach should he need it for his investigations. it's there he houses his live insects, amphibians, and reptiles; preserved specimens; the majority of his entomological and forensics libraries; his instruments; his charts; and curios, like his irradiated fetal pig.

only a small percentage of his scientific equipage otherwise is kept at home, and most of this much smaller collection is probably on the more sentimental/antique side; the kind of stuff that may be cool to display for aesthetic reasons but not as useful to him practically.

while the same can be said of his early seasons condo(s), here, since it's most relevant to the question, we'll just focus on his and sara's s7/s8 condo.

from what little we see, there is no visual evidence to suggest that either one of them makes a habit of strewing anything, including science experiments, all over their living space.

while theirs is obviously a home where two scientists live, as is shown by the décor choices of shadow-boxed insects and antique microscopes and mounted fossils and cool rocks, they keep the place incredibly neat, with everything, including the scientific equipment, stored in its rightful place.

you can tell: that back corner by the two windows is the designated "science space," with the active vivariums and working microscopes.

but otherwise the rest of their house, well—just looks like a house.

the kitchen is very much just a regular kitchen, filled with cooking implements and food and cleaning supplies (though some of the items, such as the cloche by the refrigerator, are insect/butterfly-themed).

as we see in episode 07x22 "leapin' lizards," they have a television set in the bedroom. as we see in episode 08x12 "grissom's divine comedy," a sofa and another television set in the living room.

everything looks very normal.

in no way is their home "the mad scientist's lair" that one might expect.

all of the above so, my impression—and, of course, ymmv—is that grissom tends to leave his work stuff, including his experiments and raw scientific materials, for the most part, at work, or at least if he does bring them home, he keeps them confined to their designated places (like to that back "science corner" by the windows or his own study), where they aren't cluttering and contaminating his and sara's eating/resting/sleeping areas.

i mean, albeit we never get a peek into their fridge, but, barring a break from the otherwise established pattern there, i just don't see him treating his and sara's condo like a laboratory.

—and especially not because of how he tends to view the world.

again, while grissom is a workaholic, he is also a great compartmentalizer, at least in terms of his thoughts.

feelings are another story; far less easily confined into neat categories.

two of the main mental "boxes" he has are for work and for home.

according to how i understand grissom—and, once more, ymmv—i think one of the reasons he is the way he is at work, in terms of using the communal fridge in the break room to store science experiments, is because he tends to view everything at the lab as falling into the "work box."

for him, the purpose of the work done at the lab is to solve crimes using science. accordingly, in his view, every person and object in the building is supposed to function toward that end—hence why he gets so frustrated with both policies and people (such as, for example, administrators like ecklie) who impede the scientific crime-solving process; hence also why we sometimes see him make unconventional use of both lab equipment and human resources in his experiments.

for example, why not rope the department secretary into helping you prove a theory about how a corpse was dragged, even though doing so falls nowhere inside the bounds of her normal job description (see episode 03x09 "blood lust")? and what's to stop you from infecting your dna tech's feet with mildew if doing so will help you determine something about a potential suspect in a homicide case (see episode 03x03 "let the seller beware")? and if nick's eating an apple in the layout room, then who's to say you shouldn't demand he hand it over to you so you can stab it with scissors and establish some characteristics of a possible murder weapon (see episode 03x23 "inside the box")?

after all, they all work at/"belong to" the lab, so regardless of individual job descriptions or other considerations, they should, ultimately, be viewed as resources to be used to scientifically solve crimes; they are all "fair game" for that purpose, as far as he's concerned.

certainly, that same line of thinking applies to the break room fridge for him, as well.

though its primary function is to contain the food items of the people who work in the lab (thereby serving them as they scientifically solve crimes), in a pinch, if other lab fridges, such as the one in grissom's office, are full and/or unsuited to the task, it can be used more directly to fulfill the lab's "prime directive," housing experiments if needs be.

as i talk about here, "[grissom] sees no problem with [putting rancid blood in the communal fridge] because he’s just of such a one-track mind that science takes precedence over everything for him; the human element doesn’t even register (even as the team complains to his face, seemingly not for the first time, about the rudeness of his actions)."

the fridge is lab property; ergo, it can be used for lab business: so goes his reasoning.

however, the same is not true of his home living space.

there, everything falls into the "home box" and anything that may follow him home from work—such as administrivia—is marked as being out-of-place within his mental schema. while his and sara's home does have scientific objects in it because they are scientists with scientific interests, the home itself isn't dedicated, in the same way the lab is, as a space to do science in™; ipso facto, it's not "fair game" for him to leave science experiments all over the place there in the same way it is at the lab. the majority of the objects there have little or nothing to do with science and are instead meant to serve grissom and sara's domestic needs.

frankly, most of the time, grissom probably doesn't even feel the need to do science at home because he can always just go to the lab—with its superior resources and designated space—and experiment there.

doing science at the lab is not only easier but ultimately safer and more manageable.

much better to test his theories in a controlled environment with the tools, resources, and technology he requires already on hand—especially considering that any work-related science he were to do at home wouldn't hold up in court and would need to be redone in a more controlled setting anyway.

note: in the reboot, when we see him doing science experiments in his and sara's hotel room episode 01x04 "long pig," he is doing so specifically because he is, at that point, barred from doing them at the lab; the situation is one where he feels he has no choice but to do the work wherever he can, regardless of propriety, which is a very different ballgame than is in play at other times when he and sara are more settled and fully employed by the lvpd.

under typical circumstances, the only serious science he might even consider doing at home would be stuff he was pursuing either just for his own edification (because he was curious to test something out, unrelated to any cases or his general work as a criminalist) or for his academic entomological studies.

but even in those rare cases, i think that he would a) still relegate that work mostly to the designated science spaces in the condo, and, b) communicate with sara about it and not do anything that might freak her out/piss her off.

—because that's the thing.

grissom learns his lesson about this issue long before he and sara ever move in together.

his whole takeaway from the events of episode 02x15 "burden of proof" is that his actions (even ones he views as being entirely professional in nature) can in fact impact other people, and specifically sara, on a personal level. he has to be more careful about sharing space with her and showing regard for her feelings or otherwise he runs the risk of losing her.

he sees: bad blood in the work fridge can lead to bad blood between him and the love of his life, and that's something he never wants.

while it still takes him a couple of seasons after the point of the "raw hamburger debacle" to get his act fully together where sara is concerned, one mistake we never see him repeat with her again is the actual, physical action of making her deal with animal blood or meat; he is always, from that very early point forward, respectful of her vegetarianism and love of animals in the future.

that so, i've gotta believe: when they finally move in together, he's probably incredibly careful to make sure she feels comfortable in their home in that regard. he won't put anything in the fridge that might squeeg her because he doesn't want her to feel disrespected or uncared for.

should he ever feel the need to bring home anything even potentially objectionable to her, he likely makes sure to run the thing by her, and if she says no, he undoubtedly stores whatever it is back at the lab in his own office rather than at the condo because he understands: there is a boundary there.

and should he ever make a mistake, assuming that she'll be okay with something he in actuality ought to have asked her about, i've got to believe that he immediately apologizes once he realizes his error; unlike with the rancid blood in the lab fridge (which, from the context of episode 02x15 "burden of proof," seems to have been an oft-repeated offense on his part), he doesn't need to be told twice.

of course, as talked about earlier, i tend to believe that only very rarely does he ever even attempt to bring experiments or raw scientific materials into their home anyway, but on the few and far-between occasions when he does do so, i also think: by the time he and sara are together and sharing a home, she is most often in on his extracurricular scientific activities from the get-go.

the facts that she accompanies him to his apiary in episode 08x04 "the case of the cross-dressing carp" and in the later seasons applies for a joint-research grant with him while they're living in paris and works as his partner in marine biology once they are on the ishmael all suggest that at times when grissom and sara are a couple, she is his de facto lab partner both at work and at home.

so if he cooks up some experiment he wants/needs to do "off the clock" at the lab, then nine times out of ten, i bet he tells her about it and invites her to take part in it with him from the onset; it's not the same kind of deal as we see in episode 02x15 "burden of proof," where he is (largely inadvertently) stonewalling her and keeping her at arm's length. rather, she's right there with him in the trenches; she knows what's in that specimen jar because she's the one who helped him collect it and she's monitoring it right along with him.

now.

you may have noticed, most of the above discussion is centered on animal byproducts.

as for bugs—

i don't think sara has a problem with them, as long as they are properly contained.

not only are there numerous mounted and displayed insects visible in their s7/s8 condo, but sara herself also has mounted and displayed insects visible in her s5 apartment in episode 05x13 "nesting dolls," before she and grissom even become an official couple. there are also, seemingly, live insects in vivariums in that window corner of their s7/s8 condo.

she knew what she was getting into when she married a beekeeper.

in terms of how any of the above might change once grissom and sara live on the ishmael, i imagine that on such small boat, adhering strictly to the concept of designated space becomes more important for them than ever.

since the ishmael is not only their home but their floating laboratory, they undoubtedly do have experiments going onboard. however, they are probably careful to keep them where they belong, as out-of-the-way as possible, both for safety reasons (so they're not tripping over things) and also to prevent contamination/interference.

they probably have two fridges: one for food and one for specimens, both clearly labeled and on separate sides of the boat.

anyway, all of this rambling is a very long way to say: i absolutely think grissom is considerate of sara from the moment they move in together, with regards to how he makes use of their shared space.

any science he does in their home, i think he makes sure he has her seal of approval to do and does in its properly assigned area, most often with her taking part in the experiment right along with him. everything else, he does at the lab.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

p.s., you should set up a profile picture and header and post/reblog some stuff so that people don't mistake you for a bot and block you! if you have questions about how to do so, let me know, and i'd be happy to help.

#answered #happyladylourdes #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #meta: grissom #meta: production #let's talk shop #02x15 #csiverse

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