valentines day became a lot more fun and less agonising to me as an ace-aro person after it finally clicked over the past few years that whatever the fuck happens today is what i make of it, and that can and does include loving and appreciating the shit out of the friends ive decided i'd like to spend my life with in a way that i can define on my own terms not limited to the generic concept of romance. which i absolutely revel in doing, personally

𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬

𝐏.𝐉𝐒

SYNOPSIS: Long term lovers, long term friends. Nothing and no one could come in between you and Jay other than your fear of intimacy.

WARNINGS: tooth-rotting fluff and smut, bf!jay x inexperienced fem!reader, reader has a fear of intimacy, implied s/a (not graphic), soft!Jay (he’s so sweet in this I cried a little when writing, making out, dry humping, mentions of oral (f!), Jay’s experienced but his body count’s like 2, blasphemy, written with the song Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez in mind

A/N: This is very very self-indulgent, writing is a way i cope with my experience in these situations so I feel like I healed a little part of me by acknowledging it happened and it wasn’t my fault, instead I’m turning it into something comforting. This works for me and for some others however i recognise that it may be triggering for others even if there aren’t any graphic mentions of s/a only the aftermath, please only read this if you’re in the right headspace. Any disrespectful comment will be deleted and blocked from my account 🤍

WC: 1274

^^ NSFW UNDER CUT, MINORS DNI (not proofread)

It all happened so quickly and yet you were still stuck here, still scarred 2 almost 3 years in the past. Time doesn’t heal wounds, physical ones? Yes but this feeling you could never shake off even if you tried your hardest, you couldn’t heal especially not alone.

You weren’t the an overly religious person, definitely not after your trust was broken. If there was a god well they’re a dick, if god was real why did you get hurt? You didn’t do anything wrong you were so kind…so bright until a shadow blew your flame away and forced you to live in a chamber of your own inner darkness. It was not your fault, you didn’t do anything you were just there...

That flame grew smaller and smaller until it suddenly disappeared and all that was left was a trail of smoke showing that at some point in time you were burning and warming everyone’s hearts whilst yours was barley flickering trying so hard to stay alight.

So many things changed with Jay's re-entry into your life, everything seemed to change directions and you felt like there was a purpose for your existence. Despite the lingering pain and heartache thats been consuming you, his presence felt like a much needed breath of fresh air. It was as if he had come to you as a guardian angel pulling you out of the misery you were dwelling in. He gave you the comfort that you didn't even know you needed until he appeared. The one which eased the damages of your heart.

“I think I'm ready” You've told him this so many times that you're starting to feel guilty for giving him this false hope. You know you've pulled back on your words before, so you understand why he may be sceptical. However, this time is different. You've taken the time to reflect on your feelings and you're sure that you're finally ready. You want to show Jay that you're committed and prepared to take the next step in your intimacy and you're willing to put in the effort to make it happen.

He obviously had some doubts however, he took the time to affirm that you were genuinely ready and that you wouldn't have any regrets. He's always so patient and understanding which is not surprising considering that he has always been your best friend before he even had the privilege of calling himself your boyfriend. Someone who understands you better than anyone else, your soulmate in all and every way.

Your relationship with him is built on trust, understanding and respect and it was so scary, you've never been treated so well before Jay and it showed but he was patient with the time it took time to get used him.

“I’m 100% sure” you got up and sat on his lap. You were fine and it felt right, this time you were in control of the situation and you weren’t uncomfortable with the feeling of sitting crotch to crotch with your boyfriend.

It felt like there was a force pulling your lips toward his as you leaned in to connect with each other and in an instant, you felt a rush of intense emotions overwhelm you. Your pupils dilated and your heartbeat quickened as it was trying to catch up with the sudden flood of feelings. It was a moment of pure realization- this was what true love felt like, and now you knew it with absolute confidence.

You weren't Jay’s first but at this moment he felt like you were, he had like two quick fucks with past short term girlfriends but this time it felt different. His heart was running laps and it was like all the air in his lungs disappeared as soon as your plush lips met his. He mentally cursed himself for growing hard already but in his defence, he had the most beautiful girl on his lap making out with him and as much as it made him nervous he couldn't help but get aroused when you started slowly grinding on his bulge to set the mood.

Your lungs were beginning to burn from the lack of oxygen as the room was filled with loud and wet noises of lips smacking, what started off as a passionate slow kiss quickly turned into a deeply heated make out session. Tongues dancing in an animalistic rhythm, hands travelling anywhere they could- you finally unlocked another level of intimacy with your boyfriend.

As you reflect on the situation you're in right now you can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude. You think back to all the moments you've shared together, from the first time you met to the night you opened up to him about your trauma. The thought that someone like Jay could choose to be with you fills you with so much happiness and you can't help but break into a fit of giggles at the sheer joy of it all. It's a feeling that's difficult to describe, but you know that you're grateful for every moment you get to spend with him.

Your hips moved faster as a result of the friction you felt, you moaned when it sent shocks of pleasure straight to your core and down your spine. When you adjusted to a better angle jays grip on your hips tightened, he let out a soft moan that sounded like music to your ears. You felt his soft palm touch your cheek signalling to look at him and once your eyes met he couldn’t control his body as he started thrusting in his hips into you.

Nearing closer and closer to your climax your head starting spinning when Jay let out moans and groans whereas you couldn’t keep even the smallest noises of pleasure within yourself, you noticed a tiny bead of sweat forming at the top of his sun-kissed skin. It was already a hot day but the way he was thrusting and you were grinding felt like the heating went up covering you in sweat. As you watched his face contort with pleasure you couldn't help but think that you had never seen a man this beautiful, both inside and out. His broad shoulders flexed to keep up with the movement of his hips and placement of his hands on your stuttering body, his chiseled features were accentuated by the dimmed living room light highlighting the sweat that trickled down his face. Despite the heat, he remained focused, determined to give you the best he could at the moment trying to leaving a lasting impression to say that sex isn’t as scary when it’s with the love of your life and you couldn't help but admire him for wanting to give you it all.

With all that work you finally felt your orgasm hit with jay’s quickly following after. You stayed laying on him ignoring the uncomfortable wetness on your panties as your blown out pupils stared off onto the empty space on the couch next to where you two rested,

“That felt amazing” you hummed agreeing with your boyfriend, “but if you’re up for it I can show you how good it can really feel” he purred, you felt his cock hardening again with the way you were spread out on him. In a span of seconds you two ran towards your shared bedroom preparing for a long night of what pleasure with your loved one really feels like starting off strong with jay devouring your pussy for the first time as an apology for the lack of dirty talk and foreplay he didn’t do before.

A/N: I’m not really happy with the ‘smut’ I rushed it and I think you can tell 😭 I haven’t posted in forever so this is a little filler for my hee fic that’s like 3/4 done (currently like 4K words idk 🤷🏽‍♀️) but I hope you guys enjoyed this little treat <3

Ghoul tails and puppy paws

age regression is a coping that can be both voluntary and/or involuntary it is entirely safe and reccomended by therapists if they believe it would be effective for said person but as mentioned for some people it is entirely unpredictable, if this makes you uncomfortable please carry on elsewhere thank you <3

1000 words on the dot!

Depressed phantom? Phantom is age regressed, phantom uses they/them pronouns, swiss uses he/him but thats only this one, we love our swiss gendered ghouls

Happy ending of course cause im a man of hurt comfort 🤠

Based on the pictures of phantom with little sunshine 🐶

"Buggy you know the answer, i want to appease your wishes but what about the clergy, the other ghouls" a shiver runs down his back at the thought of sister imperator "and seestor" he mumbles her title not wanting to give it a second thought.

♤

Papa can we keep little sunshine? " phantom who was all but big right now pleaded, following papa copia around like a lost puppy themself, their hands behind their back holding their own tail just under the spade.

The quintessence ghoul nodded dejectedly "yes papa" they mumbled wandering off.

They're not exactly sure why they felt so distraught after such but something in them felt sickeningly cold, a longing for a friend or companion, the warmth of a little sunshine.

They'd been slower more downcast, especially for a little ghoul who was bouncing off the walls 24/7 when they realized their own presence in the church wasn’t as truly temporary as previously stated.

It may had not been noticed by the crowd but the other ghouls even with their glamor up could feel a deep frosted alone feeling eating its way into phantom, the way their mind had ate at itself when they had first been summoned under the terms of temporary, their friendship with this puppy was deeper seated than just wanting a cute pet, this was a longing for someone who felt like them, for a puppy who radiated the same dejected cold feeling when people would pick up her litter mates not even giving her a second glance, how she stayed to the back of their little fenced in area keeping herself away from the puppy cuddle pile.

They were lost, almost stumbling over their own feet and the music at their fingertips, their glamor almost slipping at the same time as them almost into their headspace as their mind ate away at them.

By the time the show was over all they wanted to do was pick up their little friend and hold her, it wasn't a want it was desperation, they*needed* to hold her.

Papa was nowhere to be found, of course he wasn't, why would he be when he has a regressing ghoul begging for a companion that no one here understood the connection between, it was surreal, all stumbly and depressed they helped or at least tried helping pack up the equipment, trying to keep their mind occupied.

"bug, hey little quint- go say goodbye to your puppy friend, the people are packing up and letting us say goodbyes, c’mon baby-bug" swiss had come up behind them with his chest to phantoms back, giving them sorta a hug where swiss' left hand came around patting phantom in the center of their chest while swiss craned his neck to look somewhat through the mesh peripheral vision areas on the goggles.

Oddly enough this statement felt like it was being burned into their being, having a chance to say goodbye hurt so much more than the empty feeling of no second chance to see her, but they couldn't help it, thats supposed to be their best friend.

Their feet aimlessly trace them in the direction of the people with the puppies and kittens, swiss following them closely already aware.

Phantom walking over to the puppy-pen their little friend nowhere to be seen, their breathing picks up and their mind becoming spotty, looking around at all hands in the area for the sunshine, where is she, why does it feel like they're a planet quickly falling out of revolution of its sol, shes nowhere, maybe they're giving her another bath?

Their mind going a million miles an hour, they longed for their friend, one of the lovely ladies from earlier walking over noticing phantom by the black horns of their mask, "you here to say goodbye to the critters?" She smiled

Without caring if their voice came out how it does when they are little they mumble out "sunshine?" It sounded like a beg if you could see their eyes they would be big and full of agony and they're on a collision course with the abyss.

"Im so sorry, she was just adopted maybe five minutes ago" she says with sympathy

Their world us shattered, send them back to hell for all they cares, they cant breathe, the pits would do nothing to thaw the now set permafrost in their chest.

"Is there any other that you'd like to say goodbye to?" A careful smile with the absolution of sorrow painted in her gaze, he stumbles back into swiss' chest "hey buggy, its okay, come on baby" swiss whispers to deaf ears.

They're devastated, but alas theres nothing that can be done, for once they’ll let themself feel this, let it sink in, it's not like there was much of an option to begin with.

Once back to the tour bus they don’t even bother taking off their boots or helmet, all the buzzing commotion can wait, everyone can continue as their world sits in a slow muddled pause, they climb into their bunk curling up into a ball, hiding away from the potential ghoul piles, taking them self out of the limelight, the clergy would pay no second glance, maybe this is what it actually feels like to be temporary.

Their glamor fallen and little mind soaked in sorrow, the spade of their tail pressed against the muzzle, the only thing keeping them from crying out.

The curtain to the bunk being slowly opened and yet little bug squashed by the world they payed no mind to words or hands or little puppy paws.

Puppy paws? Gloved hands reaching over phantom putting the sunshine between them and the wall of the bunk, all senses are lit a blaze a revolution, of shared happy whimpers between to two little friends, their mind warm, safe, permanent because forever is only as ling as it needs to be, and this little ray of sunshine is his clarity "my sunshine" they smile

What would your ideal book be like (as in, what theoretical book would be your absolute favourite) what genre, page count, setting, characters, etc would it have?

oohhhh this is such an interesting ask. hmm i'll have to lay this out in dot points

BE READY FOR LOTS OF TEXT!

also i am indecisive and messy so my opinions will probably change idk T-T

alr here we go

- genre: psychological novel? im not exactly sure what the genre is but i love when books follow a mentally ill character that's just trying their best to navigate through life, and the book is about the way they interact with their surrounds and respond to issues and cope with their past and come to decisions, iykwim?

BUT I WANT FANTASY in it too so it will be epic. i love fantasy world building and i love when it makes so so so much sense. it would be cool if they had elements and got sorted into elemental groups too- that is so satisfying and fun to read.

- page count: probably 500. personally i think a normal book is 300, and it seems daunting when it's got like 700 pagesz but considering that this is my ideal book, i think i'd be sad if it had less than 400 pages (cus the story would be over soon) so i'd say 500 pages is the perfect amount.

- setting: in terms of time, i never really cared for it. i realise that i should probably have a preference on which century i like to read, but i find that characters can be mentally ill and epic no matter if they are from the future or the past.

in terms of location, hmm i wouldn't want to read about a character being anywhere with tropical or summery vibes. i like my characters knee deep in snow and drenched from head to toe in rain. it keeps them depressed and relatable ^^ (/hj....?)

oh also it would be cool if the country and places were mad up, since that this is a fantasy.

WAIT OR asia. i am obsessed with books that focuses on/is based off asia :)

- characters: trios are the best and i will die on that hill. ok like i dont need the trios to be together 24/7 but i need there to be THREE main characters if you know what i mean. one of them can be an antihero idc. it just has to be THREE.

oh also i love to read in the perspective of characters who are ambitious and feisty and impulsive because they're the opposite of me. but also i'd like them (idc abt gender) to be cunning, witty and good at making plans.

another character that i need in the trio is the smart one. there HAS to be a smart side character or else i will NOT fall in love with the book. i need the character who makes all the entensive plans. i need the character who is a walking dictionary. i need the character who hates to fight and would rather be learning but is somehow good at it and therefore forced to fight alongside the makn character. (oopsies im just describing the poppy war. but that is not a crime ;])

if its a soldier poet king trio i will be obsessed with it forever and ever

ok so for the stuff that u didnt ask but im gonna include:

-writing style: advanced. work my mind to death but enrichen it at the same time. i dont mind a difficult and layered magic system- in fact i LOVE THOSE, as long as they make sense and they are creative. do not give me that "she let out a breath she didnt know she was holding" bs.

i want "the night circus" level description when it comes to settings. i need to see taste hear smell FEEL the fucking surroundings

-vibe: doomed from the start. i dont want my characters to be happy. make me fall in love and then break my heart and do not apologise for it :,) (shit am i masochistic? damn)

- others: it would be cool if it is somehow relevant to our present irl current political state/ real world problems. it would be even cooler if it somehow fits a ton of mitski songs. also gayness is very welcomed

yeahh thats all i got for now. oops i wrote alot. at the start of my reply i was thinking along the lines of solitaire and crime and punishment and no longer human, but then it was all scrapped and i based it all off of the poppy war trilogy because it did fantasy and character dynamics/personalities/backstories SO RIGHT.

tysmmm for this ask. i would love to ask it right back, but i dont know who you are :(( ahsvsj feel free to tell me anyways tho in my askbox as an anon !!

*this was not proofread

aaaa hii!! idk how to do this but could i get a tbhk matchup? a lil bit abt me is:

my names banny, but my nicknames are bans or beans lol

my gender is female, and i'd prefer to get a male matchup

i'm very impulsive and spontaneous. like i blurt stuff out of nowhere mid-sentence, hop topics like nobody's business, and make random changes in my life on a whim like dying my hair or getting a bird

im generally a total dork LMAO like my favorite movie is scott pilgrim vs the world, i love horror movies and games, i play zelda chronically, one of my all time favorite bands is weezer, and my room is literally a dungeon of trinkets and posters!!!!

i love nature and animals, especially birds and rodents. sometimes ill pick up random spiders from outside and bring them inside, or put two different bugs together in a jar and watch them.

i wanna major in russian lit for college, and/or go to film school. im a total freak for english and literature, until i have to any essay or read any required books for school, and then i DESPISE every aspect of it

im very indecisive, and i tend to procrastinate a lot. i have adhd and literally debilitating anxiety, so my head is basically a cesspool of thoughts🙏 i have a habit of collecting things i dont need, and i have a very flip flop fashion style. like i'll be goth one day and then butch the next LMAO but i literally only wear the crustiest pair of timberlands like everywhere

i also have very dark and niche humor. ill call myself a siltmaxxed mulchpilled soilcel and then wonder why nobody gets it 😭😭

thats all, im so sorry if this too rambly, and no pressure to do it😭 tysm!

Aaaa hihi!! ^_^ Honestly it was a bit hard to pick someone to match you with but then that thing in cartoons where the lightbulb pops over their head when someone gets an idea and I was like "omg !!! Wait !!! Tsuchigomori !!!!"

Tsuchigomori

I feel like, despite your differences, you guys would get along really well :3

He wouldn't mind when you randomly blurt stuff out, he thinks it's cute and likes how you speak your mind

He does get worried about you though

Tries to talk you out of doing some stupid shit

Although, honestly I feel like he'd be all for you dying your hair

(as long as you're sure you want to)

I mean.... Have you seen this guy's hair

No WAY that's all natural

Dork X dork real

He has no video game experience whatsoever and is honestly not interested in them at all

He does like how passionate you are about that stuff though <3

He's definitely a classical music type of guy

Or heavy metal maybe...

Anyways, not a big Weezer fan, but would listen to them for you if you put it on

Another trinket collector !!! :3

He's often find little trinkets for your collection or buy things relating to your interests just because he loves how excited you get ^^

Would love to see your trinket collection some time

He admires your love for nature alot <3

Sometimes he gets worried you'll try to lock him in a jar though

He's seen some shit 💀

In terms of literature, obviously, he's all for it

He probably has a ton of different books in different languages so if you ever wanted to start learning Russian literature early he's got you covered ;3

Would be happy to teach you about anything you'd like in terms of literature

Probably much more knowledgeable in English and Japanese literature, but he's a big nerd so I wouldn't be surprised if he's dabbled in other languages as well

In terms of film school..........

He can't help you

Besides getting you some books about film theory and stuff

He's not a fan of procrastination, he prefers to just get things done quickly so he doesn't have to do them later

That doesn't mean he doesn't get it, though

He's a teacher, of course he's dealt with procrastination before

With himself and students probably

Will try to encourage you to get your work done, and gives some advice on coping skills you could try

He's a bit harsh sometimes, but he just wants what's best for you </3

Very maternal in that regard

He definitely has anxiety as well, so y'all are struggling together

Will read up on some coping mechanisms for anxiety and tries to get you to use some, but won't force you

Surprisingly, he does like how spontaneous you are

It keeps him guessing as usually he can read people like a book

He doesn't get all of your different styles, but does enjoy them

He's a fashionista so he appreciates the variety

He 100% tries to get you new shoes though

Probably has nightmares about your shoes

Purposefully avoids looking at your feet because he can't bear to look at them

(sorry for the slander anon 😭)

(he can't help it, he's a princess)

Likes your dark humor, but is also very worried

Understandably so

Will do daily check ins with you to see how you're feeling

Teacher, doctor, therapist, librarian, fashionista, AND princess??????

You got the whole package tbh

Anyway, all in all, he loves you alot- despite your differences <33333333

All he asks is that you don't trap him in a jar and that you get new shoes

A/N

Honestly this was really fun to write :3 Also a ZELDA ENTHUSIAST????? AND LITERATURE NERD??? You're amazing mwah mwah ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this !! You seem so cool ໒꒰ྀི >ヮ<꒱ྀི১ Any feedback or constructive criticism is always appreciated<33 ^^

(Sorry for the shoes slander again btw </3)

i think theres some people missing the point with mobs identity issues and while i def dont care to complain about whatever takes anyone may have, since this final arc hits close to home i wanna blab a little about it

ritsu rly says it best. even if mob claims shigeo isnt him, ritsu knows that isnt true, and knows that his brother has been shouldering that childhood trauma on his own for too long, trying to handle it as best he could given the circumstances... and hes right. mob has always been himself, and ritsu has overcome his own trauma enough to understand that in earnest, and be there for mob when he needed it most.

i felt a similar way about my past "selves," so set apart from myself courtesy of the trauma i endured, that to this day i struggle to come to terms with it. ive always been me, but trauma messed me up so bad and this was one of the ways i (improperly) coped. i was always me, i was just very badly hurt and it was hard accepting both the original way i was and how ive changed. and thats why this last mp100 arc hit me so hard. i cant reject fundamental aspect of who i am, the ones that were also hurt, and the ones that never truly left.

however youd like to interpret it or depict it, seeing that very specific trauma response broken down so compassionately meant a lot to me. mob and shigeo, shigeo and mob, are the same person and always have been. mobs only been denying parts of himself he associates with trauma, causing ever increasing turmoil in the process.

im very familiar with explosive emotional episodes, and spent a long time totally numb and unable to process my emotions. i take a mood stabilizer bc of how bad my mood swings could be if left untreated, and practice what healthy coping methods i can in the meantime. none of this stuff in mp100 clicked for me back in 2016, but i didnt get ptsd until roughly two years after it ended, and i didnt have any of the resources and understanding i do now.

its hard to accept the parts of you that you consider responsible for your mistakes and regrets, no matter how much it hurts you in the process. theyre still you, and you can still change just as you are. growth is neither linear nor mutually exclusive.

THIS IS A LITTLE RANT ABOUT JC’S TRAUMA, not a discussion post. So…Jiang Cheng. He’s a complicated character with a complicated history. Being neglected by his father and being humiliated by his mother, never truly being good enough for the people he craved respect from the most. Always being second best to wwx.

Then of course we have his trauma, the murder of his family, friends and the citizens of lotus pier. We see him sacrifice himself for wwx, his hopes and his dream of rebuilding the Jiang sect being extinguished at the torture by hands of Wen Chao, his core being forcibly destroyed. We see him struggle and then we see him slowly, but surely lose his best friend/brother because of diverging moral views and a lack of power on both sides to get through it together.

Jiang Cheng cannot loose Lotus Pier again at the hands of the Jin’s and wwx knows this, thats the one thing he cannot sacrifice. That’s why they have a staged fight, to publicly announce wwx’s defection. This way the Jiang Sect won’t be harmed by wwx’s actions. Here it breaks jc’s heart, the only one he wanted by his side was wwx and he can’t understand why he would leave the jiangs to protect the wens, all he sees is his brothers arrogance and his betrayal. He does not know the full extent of the wens help, he does not know wwx is without a core.

Jc is a broken man, he has given his best efforts to not be jealous of wwx, to not let it show just how deep his low self esteem runs. He cannot let himself be weak like his mother said he was, like his father thought he was. I think many people, specifically jc antis, ignore this. He is a HUMAN. He is not a character that can be shoved into black and white, either or. We can be like him, he is the example of the scarring, a physical reminder of unhealthy coping mechanisms with trauma. Wwx of course shows his coping methods as well.

Him trying to make light of most things, his lack of cares for rules because “why does it matter if I follow them, I’ll get punished anyway”, we see this even more so after he’s thrown into the mass grave. After Jin Zixuan dies and Yanli dies, Jc is overcome with anger and grief. He blames wwx, “didn’t you say you could control it?!” and to a degree it is part of his fault. Although I don’t think he had a choice-

they needed to win a war with that demonic energy, nobody can deny that. Jc doesn’t know the sinister plans that are making wwx turn into a target for the world. Imagine it was you, could you say you would still be as kind, as forgiving? Sometimes the world can make you or break you, and I believe jc was the latter. He agrees to participate in the siege, he was one of the most important gears in the siege.

Why. Did he hate wwx? Did he want to appease the sect leaders to save the Jiang Clan? Did he feel like he should end his brother on his own terms? I’m honestly not sure. There’s much speculation, It’s my own personal beliefs it’s a combination of politics due to the jins and also an anger that’s been building in jc for a VERY long time. I know in CQL he does force him to let go of lwj, but in the book…I’m curious.

What if Jiang Cheng got to Wei Wuxian first before anyone else. What would he say, what could he say? What would wwx say to him? Sometimes I think it would end as jc stabbing wwx and truly killing him. Sometimes, I wishfully think he couldn’t do it. But that’s very much up to everyone’s interpretation of Jc. At the end of this, I think of jc going back home after the siege carrying chenqing with him until he could finally rest.

I think he would just stare at it, too tired too numb to really do anything else. I think he’d get passed out drunk trying to maybe somehow sleep, and I think he’d have nightmares. God, I don’t write but I’d write a fic for this. Anyways ya sorry guys just some thoughts

Hey beautiful person, i read your sleeping with teddy bear... post and it in a way resonated with me. I remember going through something similar for very very long time. So long that at point it felt that it would never end. But it did.

I am happy you are starting therapy and hope you find peace and happiness.

And not intending to be a saviour or something, and acknowledging that i am not professioal, but here's a thought i, while trying to fight my battles, stumbled upon. Its from my digital diary which i started keeping not long ago.

I am sharing it as it is, and if it doesn't resonate with you, please don't expend too much of thought into it, i don't wish to add to your agony.

7/1/23 1:14

the problem is we think life is going to be easy. life is not supposed to be easy. life will be tough and unfair. even if you become the best version of yourself. even if you try to be nice to people and do wrong to none. even if you try to be morally upright in every situation.

you do good and still bad will come to you.not because you deserve it but because thats how life is. it isn't supposed to be a cakewalk. it isn't supposed to be easy.

i believe in karma.. if you do bad bad comes to you.and i thought if i'd do good only good will come to me. but turns out, it isn't meant to be that way. if you do good it doesn't assure you an easy path. its still going to be tough.

and the point is to still keep being good, doing good and believing in good. to keep going on.

always keep going forward. at times you may go slow, it may hurt to move. but keep going.

some days you may need to sleep a little more to bear with life. some days a little less to catch up with it. take it a day at a time. but it's always worth it. and you are tough enough to get through it.

i took a slight break from tumblr so sorry it took me a while to answer this :') but i deeply appreciate you reaching out with this and i'm touched that that post resonated with you.

your entry there is remarkably similar to a lot of my thought processes lately. even though i'm very much in the thick of it and probably will be for a hot minute i'm definitely coming to terms with what life is supposed to feel like and how i can cope with that.

also hard agree on karma and doing good as a rule. i think karma and lifting other people up and doing good deeds are the only things i really do believe in lmao. again thank you thank you thank you for the ask 🥹

Omg I LOVE misfits. Fantastic characters, portrayed by great actors. Do be aware, though, that it's... extremely crude. Sooooooo crude. But!!! Great story, and the characters are to die for. Nathan is, just, the literal best, and Simon and Alicia are.... agh, so...!! Theyre so!! You'll understand if you watch it, but they're just...!!!!!!!!

It's also one of those surprise-depth shows, where on the surface it looks shallow and stupid and the characters are all wanker asshole dickheads but it turns out that they've actually got real depth that, honestly?? is the only reason I love it as much as I do. If it were ACTUALLY shallow and only surface-level, then I would have given up on it early and never bothered with it again, but these characters who seem like such self absorbed fuckheads to start with actually have some real amazing layers to them that make them SO lovable.

Plus the premise is great on both a surface level and a deeper one. Surface level: oh, fun, everyone gets superpowers, but theyre all selfish fucking wankers. Deeper level: oh, neat, their powers are all reflections of their personality. The one who's always anxious about what others think of her can suddenly hear others thoughts. The one who's shy and retiring can become invisible. But then!! There's a deeper level again!! Because what seems fun at first (wow, neat, I can make anyone I touch want to sleep with me) suddenly becomes a massive burden (wait oh no I can't touch anyone without them wanting to sleep with me) and forces them to confront things they would rather not (sex is easy and impersonal but emotions are scary, but emotional connection is the only way we're going to be able to have a relationship, bc I literally can't touch you)

And Nathan??? Oh my god Robert Sheehan puts his whole entire soul into that role. Cocky smarmy selfish jackass of a human who's actually got a heart of pure gold is such a common character choice (and for good reason - that's my FAVOURITE type of character) but the way Robert does it with Nathan is just next level. This guy is THE pinnacle of Most Annoying Selfish Dick Bastard you've ever met -- but he's homeless bc his mum kicked him out and he's got daddy issues 82 miles long and he lets slip bits and pieces of his youth that make you go Oh Shit but he brushes it all off because making a joke out of it all is literally the only way he knows how to cope and hes living in the rafters of the community centre because hes alienated all of his friends so badly that he doesnt even have a couch to sleep on and his dad once bought so much of that flat pack furniture from Ikea that he couldn't fit Nathan in the car so he just left him behind in the Ikea food court, and hes worked out how to jimmy the vending machine bc thats his only food source and theres nothing in the world he wanrs more than a family; not even touching on the Jaime situation (jaime my beloved), this guy sees any baby that doesn't have a father and he IMMEDIATELY, with ZERO hesitation, says "oh, ok. I guess I'm your dad now" and he does this TWICE with TWO DIFFERENT BABIES and he cares sooooo much and he DESPERATELY tries to pretend that he doesn't care at all and i just love him so much, ok? So much.

I never saw the final seasons in total because once Nathan left the show, it lost most of its charm for me, but those first 2 seasons are absolutely fantastic. I quote them ALL the time. ("Great FOOKIN rescue!" "We're a bunch of young offenders and not one of us knows how to steal a car!? Pathetic!" "And then she FEINTED" "I don't care if he's dead; it's no excuse for rudeness!" "I'm pretty sure this breaches the terms of my ASBO". I could go on.)

The later seasons have some great (tragic heartbreaking amazing) storylines too, but S1 and 2 hold my heart, ngl.

So. Those be my thoughts on Misfits.

Ooooh, okay! You have successfully reinforced my intention to watch it and I'm gonna go hunt it down at a library somewhere. I love looking at the drawbacks of superpowers and in this show it sounds very fascinating, also I've watched a couple clips of Nathan on YouTube and he already has a portion of my heart, I am SO excited to see Robert thriving there. Thank you for sharing!!

write the alyx essays 👁️

okay sorry for htis taking liek literal months to get to im insane and frightful, anyways so alyx and guilt and frankly like most of my perception of her and her place in teh world as part of hte last generation, obvs under the cut cuz this shit is so fucking long

so alyx grew up watching the adults, especially eli her parent, constantly stressed, even if they try to cover it up or act less scared in certain ways for her, they simply cant. not only becuz there is no way for a parent to hide those worries completely in a time and place such as living under the combine, but also children are extrodinarily good at picking up their parents and care takers emotions. So alyx is no matter what going to be watching eli and co under chronic stress and anxiety and thats going to rub off on her because how could it not. and shes also going to be stressed on her own terms because she as a kid is not stupid and can see the horrible things that are going ot happen around her and to her. Whether she spends a majority of her childhood is in the outlands or in the cities.

And this type of anxiety affects children (and adults) immensely. And shes bound to feel helpless and guilty becuase she cant help, shes a child. And thats going to follow her as she gets older.

When we know her, shes incredibly competant and compassionate. She cares about the people around her and tries her best to help. We see her go to hell and back to save her dad four times. And she goes even further in hla to get who she thinks is gordon in order to help the world. We also see how fast she grows fond of gordon and russell, and while in terms of writing its so tht the player will grow attached to her (and russell when we play as alyx), in universe i think its a combo of what both gordon and russell do for her and just how quickly she can grow attached to people around her. Shes incredidly warm and affectionate to those around her, showing physical affection on multiple occasions. And I feel like this could be part of a way she copes with the harshness of the world around her and the constant loss she would be experiencing, shell love harder and easier to ensure that she has a family around her and makes sure that the family she does have knows that she loves them becuase they could disappear at any time. (and as a side note i feel like this is a common sight ot see among the last generation, and another common sight is seeing people disconnecting from teh world around them so that they cant lose anything since they never had anyone to begin with. ofc there are going to be a spectrum of coping, but i can easily see these as being two sides of a spectrum of coping)

so i think the guilt that alyx is gong to feel is going to be made tenfold when eli becomes the face and leader of the resistance because there is going to be at least some form of weight on her shoulders to continue that and live up to his image and to continue what he started should he die. Becuase why wouldnt she want to? Someone would have to so why not her. And theres also the continued guilt of eli continually being under stress, so shes going to work herself to the bone to ensure that he has less to worry about, and that hes well. And we see this in practice where she dotes on him in ep2 and immediately goes to get tea for him when he asks.

We also see her guilt when she cant help in ep2 as well when shes still recovering from dying. she shouldnt have to feel like that, and while it would be a normal reaction perhaps to not being able to help when you normally could, but i feel like its another symptom of her feeling the need to constantly be helpful to others and to make things easier forthose around her and to help stop teh combine becuase if she doesnt then the combine will win and people will die.

We see this in ep1 that she will continue to search for people others think are dead when shes looking for gordon. Shes probably been searching for at least the rest of the evening til morning since the end of hl2, even when eli is certain that she wont find gordon, but she does anyway. and the relief when she sees gordon is immense she immediately hugs him. It s a perfect example of how easily attached she gets to people and how intensely she feels to need to help and save people.

so i think alyx is outwardly compassionate and caring 90% of the time not despite how deeply stressed and guilty shes bound to feel seeing sucha horrible world and only knowign that world not only becuz she is that kind of person but also becuase of her stress adn guilt. She uses those horrible feelings to fuel her compassion as best she can compulsively, she cant rest on her laurrels with those feelings when she could be making the world better, even if its detrimental to her own well being at times. She cares a lot and even when she feels scared or upset she tries to power through it to make the situation easier for those around her so that she might feel less guilty for letting others suffer. and i feel like at least some small degree of this principal is shown in how absolutely insane (positive) she is when shes riding shotgun, she whoops and hollers as if shes having the time of her life being chased by a hunter chopper. And in some way i think she tries to cope as well with the stress by having fun, we see her do this as well in hla with russell where when shes stressed she tries to focus on someting funny or nice, at least in downtime when it wouldnt be distracting to the player. shes porbably scared out of her mind just as much as any person but shes also tryign to have fun and i feel like thats a similar externalization of negative feelings being transformed into positive feelings both for her own and others benefit as her being guilty and stressed by helping others.

anyways this has been long and rambly, but i just really think alyx has spent a life time feeling scared and stressed and helpless while watching those around ehr feel the same. and then she internalized it and felt guilt that she couldnt help and has over her life time has externalized those feelings and tried to make them feel better by loving and helping in anyway she can becuase that is someting she can do

I always get so confused with that YA is because when talked about in book terms it’s 12 to 18. In my eyes thats just teenagers. Young adults are 18 to 23/24 year olds as the word says.

I mean as i got older I feel like YA is like 13-21 for me now. Mainly because 21 is when most people graduate college. Because I see 21 year olds now posting there after college videos and I am like jesus you're fucking baby and a little delusional. Just the way they express themselves and talk about the future its like flashbacks of being so young and naive and like understanding the world but still not fully versed in it. But also as I got older I realized man your 30's are so much better then your 20's. At least your early 20's. Your so fucking broke in your early 20's and everything is a struggle. You probably live at home because you got the pleasure of being born in one of the worse economies in history. Your 30's can be a struggle too but in an entirely different way. I also think in your 30's you really know who you are: the good , bad and ugly. Like dont get me wrong i know people in their 30's that are a fucking disaster but they are aware they are a disaster and going to therapy for it and acknowledging all their bad coping skills. Its like for the first 30 years you live in this fantasy of what life could be and your 30's you wake up and say "ok i gotta come back down to earth and need to start aiming for more then a budget meal and like owning things that matter and make investments that will better my life in the long run". Funny thing tho is everyone I know says your 40's is like the absolute best era of life but I haven't got there yet so we will see.

hi all! happy Saturday!  Other than keeping busy with work, I’ve been spending a lot of time meditating on the concept of home. I’m almost amazed at how perfectly these reflections have lined up with the full moon in cancer. But then again, I can’t actually be surprised. Haha.  Lately, I’ve been sitting in what I’m going to name guilt. I’ve moved cities, and back in with my mom after about 5 years of not living together, and 3 years of being on no-contact terms, and that’s come with it’s own set of challenges. My relationship with my mother has been pretty damaging, as I’ve written about in earlier entries. So, moving back in with her wasn’t an easy decision to make, on both of our parts. With growing up, I’m understanding more and more that your parents do fuck you up, fuck you over and leave you with deep, deep wounds - but, it’ll be entirely your responsibility whether you decide to stay wounded, or if you’d like to take the time, energy and care to bring yourself back to health and happiness. I’m growing into the understanding that Health isn’t necessarily a life where you’ve healed and sealed your wounds shut and return back to who you were before the hurt. Sometimes health looks like finding healthy ways to co-exist or cope with the wounds you have, learning to love them and moving on with your life.  So, with all of that being said. Lately, I’ve been feeling these intense moments of being brought back to 8-year old Danielle. Danielle who stayed hidden in her room, who flinches when she hears keys at the door. Who is hypervigillant when she hears a draw or cupboard close a certain way. Who feels like she’s in trouble every time she experiences joy. Who shuts down when she’s hurt by a comment. Who hides away because she doesn’t have the capacity to be an anchor. It’s been slowly, slowly coming back. The thing is, none of these behaviours just happened. This is how I learned how to keep myself safe. Dealing with my mom growing up has forced me into certain behaviours that I still very much recognize as self-soothing things I do today, and I’ve felt extremely guilty about them coming up now. Then there's the part of me that feels guilty for being guilty. Let me explain.  My parents are in the middle of a separation. So, my mom has been feeling extremely fragile and has been looking to me for love, comfort and support. I think that there’s apart of her thats been really looking forward to reconnecting and having that best-friend type of mother-daughter bond that we’ve never had, now that she’s pretty much on her own, she’s been working double time to wiggle her way into my life. And with every ounce of honesty in my being, I can say for certain that I don’t have any of that to give to her. Not in the energy of karmic justice of sorts, but genuinely because she’s still the same person who hurt me, the person who has done work for a week and then revers back into her habits that hurt. I don’t know how to be what she needs, I have no interest in being what she needs. But, this is the bed that she’s made. Why do I feel like I’m to blame because she has to lie in it now?  With the time I spent living with my family, I’ve had to build a home inwards. Inwards, is where I can express my deepest feelings and desires, without being scolded or judged for it. I can sing at the top of my lungs without being told that I’m making noise. I can make music without being hit for being “disruptive after a long day at work”. I can have a piece of  bread without being told that I’m greedy. I can make a mess without being called nasty. I can have an opinion without being told that I need to pack up my things and go. I can walk around naked, or with little clothes without being told that I’m tempting my father. I can daydream about love, and community and travel and the possibilities with the hopes that one day I can reach them, without being told I’m a lost cause. So now, I stay inwards. So now, my door stays closed, so that my heart can beam open. I’ve made a space for myself so unconditional and so sacred, so full of honour and love. I have no desire to compromise that, and I have no intention of letting anyone in that space that has shown me that time and time again they cannot and will not respect it.  The home and family I’ve built for myself, within the last couple of months especially, have been so extremely special to me. Ironically, as soon as I left the city, I’ve cultivated the most beautiful friendships back in the city, the type that I’ve been praying for, ever since I realized that I couldn’t cultivate the family I needed at with blood. So, I visit Toronto every week, if not, every other week to see the family that I’ve chosen, who choose me in return. I will go where the love is, always. I have no desire to be at the apartment with my mom, but if I am, I’m in my safe space. That’s where the love is. I’ve been submerged in this foreign energy with my friends that have me dreaming again, that have me looking forward again, that have me excited about the possibilities, and the present again. I feel so lucky and so incredibly abundant and supported and seen and recognized. I feel guilty that I can’t share that with my mom, I feel guilty that I have no desire to share that with my mom.  But I guess I’m learning to be okay with that.  xox

you are legit the most correct person in the world with everything u said about fresh in those tags. thank you so much for the fresh content, there is not NEARLY enough and seeing stuff like that tag rant is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CORRECT!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUDE IM SO GLAD LIKE. OK ONE MISCONCEPTION I SEE ALL THE TIME IS THAT IF FRESH HAD EMOTIONS HED BE LIKE. HAPPY. AMAZED. OR BREAK DOWN CRYIN OR REALIZE HOW MUCH HE CARED ABT THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM OR SMTH it wouldnt be like liftin a veil from his mind dude hed be CATATONIC. HE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO PROCESS ANYTHIN AT ALL,, MUCH LESS THINK ABT ANYTHIN BUT HIMSELF itd be like someone pushin u off a plane into a HURRICANE w no time to prepare, ur bein torn apart in the wind and the last thing u can think abt is ANYTHING other than 'im going to die im going to die im going to die.'

and if it was a temporary thing and suddenly wore off/snapped him back to normal hed just like. get up and brush himself off rlly shakily and pretend it didnt happen at all like Wow brah wasnt that weird. Hahahaha anyways. and act like he was fine bc hes good at that. and itd just hammer deeper in his mind that emotions are BAD and painful and horrible and a miserable experience how do people exist like this all the time how can they stay alive. itd both reinforce his superiority complex SO much bc he doesnt have to deal with any of that because hes MADE better and stronger and he wont ever 'fall' to their level again. but itd also make it such more FRAGILE. bc he knows its a possibility. hed repress his emotions even harder. he wouldnt want to ever experience ANYTHING like that again. itd just make that divide so much WORSE. and i think thats really really interestin to go into too!!!!

Alright I’m here for Part Two which is: Jegulus fics that have either already Hurt Me To My Bones, or I am predicting will Hurt Me To My Bones. 

Choices by Messermoon If you’re reading this, and its not in the top five things in life thats causing you pain, then I simply do not understand how your brain works. In other words, I’m dying out here guys. I found it at 14 chapters long. The prank had just happened, I caught up in one night and ONLY THEN did I see the canon compliant tag aka. I didn’t stand a chance. The meer existence of Lupercal fundamentally changed me as a human being, and Mia somehow became my favourite fictional character I’ve ever had the honour of reading about. Reading this makes me so thankful I learned how to bookbind last year, because making my pretty typesets is How I’m Coping. I also just owe a huge debt of gratitude to this fic because it reminded me why I love writing and gave me the courage to apply to creative writing school. I found out last week I got in.

Don't worry, darlin' by achylss has already hurt me, and will hurt me more. I’ve accepted my fate. I don’t know how to describe it but the line “One couldn't yield such a storm without peculiar strength and bravery.” reframed my entire perspective on how I treat myself when I’m struggling with my mental health. This fic has some content warnings so make sure you check those but if you’re in a good place I really recommend. I could not describe what it’s about if I tried, I won’t do it justice. 

Drugs and surgical scrubs by anauro Believe it or not it hasn’t actually hurt me yet but boy do I think it’s going to. Basically The Marauders are drug addicts, Regulus is an anesthesiologist, and after an *Altercation* leaves James with a stab wound Sirius guilts Regulus into looking after him. It is a very realistic portrayal of drug addiction. What made me fall in love with this fic was, first of all getting to read all the cool medical terms and what they mean, and secondly Marlene Mckinnon being Regulus’ queer confidant and surrogate big sister. Also Andromeda and Ted. Just them both being there made me so happy. 

Flowers by gwenstacylvr Okay Listen. Theres a story as to why this one is on my list and I have not known peace since I read it. (content warning: Regulus dies via suicide attempt in this fic, and it’s about grief, moving on etc. James does fall in love with Lily, but Holy Fuck That Hurt More Somehow?)  I was minding my business on tiktok when the user pr0ngslover (I’m 99 percent sure that was the username) had posted an edit. It was to the Sufjan steven’s song Fourth of July. So basically I was already in pain, and then I had the audacity to ask if it was based off a fic. And they responding, yes, Flowers by gwenstacylvr. I went. I read The Fic. It has been almost five goddamn months and I have not mentally moved past it. I cry when I eat a kit-kat, I cry when I find the edit on my camera-roll. I could not even tell you why. I’m a bit of a stickler for structure, grammar, all that stuff when I read literally anything--honestly it’s just habit at this point. But when I tell you I don’t give a shit that the storytelling is inconsistent, or that the grammar isn’t the best in the world, I mean it, cuz it still managed to destroy me anyhow and I gotta give it that. 

Fade Into You by euphorial_docx Again, it hasn’t hurt me yet...but I think it’s gonna, and I’m willing to bet on that. The bittersweet ending tag is taunting me. I love Pandora in this So Much and I will somehow headcanon pandalily in it. I don’t care what actually happens, I will project those two being in love with every fic I read where they’re present. 

I See Stars and Painted Lies By Iwantedausername There are only three chapters in this fic so far, and it does not tag whether its canon death of James or not and that freaks me out man. Like Regulus survives the cave, but my brain will wormhole a way into worrying its gonna be canonical death ending. Basically James & Regulus were sort of together at Hogwarts but the fic really starts after he escapes the cave with the Hocrux. I love James’ characterization so far, Remus is really great too. Even if it’s not canon compliant I’ve already felt hurt at multiple points. Also, as Mary MacDonalds #1 fan, they better get her the hell out of jail real soon she deserves better. 

Anyways there’s my painful Jegulus fanfic list if you were looking to get your heart broken. 

could you write the sensory overload prompt with fallout new vegas companions as well (including benny)? and maybe butch deloria if thats not too much ^^

Romanced! FO3 & FONV Companions React to Autistic!Six/Lone with Sensory Overload Anxiety

Whoops, I ended up doing all of the companions from FO3 as well, my bad 🤷‍♀️

But here they are! Thank you so much for the ask, and I hope you enjoy!

This prompt with FO4 R!Companions

FONV

Arcade:

The doctor would want to help, would actually know how to help, but he may just get overwhelmed as well. He tends to focus on Six themself, rather than the situation surrounding them, that’s where the panic tends to get to him. But Six, he can deal with. If possible, he will try to remove his companion from their stressful surroundings, but whether or not he is able, Arcade tries to stay calm, using his voice, and breathing techniques and exercises he’s read about to try and deflate their rising anxieties. He tends to make sarcastic comments in the aftermath, more so to expel his own pent up anxiety than to help Six, but they don’t need to know that.

Benny:

He's scared out of his mind the first time it happens. Six is pretty much invincible in his eyes, so this… just being around loud noises and such? That's what's rustling their jimmies? Wack. For a small moment, he feels like it's his fault, and even after the courier informs him that this is just a part of who they are, that they have always been this way, he still feels another dizzying pang of regret, knowing that a couple of bullets to the brain probably couldn't have helped their preexisting condition in any way. Over time, he'd get better about helping to calm his partner down, but he starts out rather overbearing, touching them too much, talking too quickly, having a panicked reaction that tends to only escalate the sensory overload they're experiencing. At least Six wouldn't have to worry about their safety in a combat situation with the Ben-man at their side. He's one of the best shots in the Mojave (if not the best). No one is getting past him. He may be an old hat when it comes to injuring Six, but he'll be hot diggidy damned if he's gonna let someone else lay a finger on them under his watch.

Boone:

First off, the sniper would try to prevent Six from entering into any stress-filled situations at all, reminding them that he is more dangerous from a distance anyway. However, he knows that, in the Mojave, avoiding dangerous or overwhelming environments altogether is damn near impossible, so he’ll try to be prepared. He’s dealt with his own vicious bouts of PTSD long enough to have developed coping mechanisms to help him, and has actively used tools like sunglasses and ear plugs in his time with the 1st Recon, which he would recommend to them as well. Boone would approach his partner in their time of need, trying to refrain from being overbearing, but ultimately his support wouldn’t waver as he helped Six try to come down from their state of panic.

Cass:

She honestly doesn't understand how Six has been able to survive in this world with their sensory overload anxiety, and she respects them even more now that she knows they have managed to. She may not be the best at helping them handle their stress, so she usually leaves Six to their own devices while she works on removing anything that could be causing her partner's apprehension. Once the threat is gone, she'll stand nearby until Six has managed to calm themself down, just to cover them and keep an eye out. When it seems to be over, she likes to bring them somewhere to unwind; and enjoys simply sitting with them and maybe having a drink or two as they recover their strength, and bearings.

Raul:

He’ll talk them through the whole ordeal. Is he nervous about their state of panic? Probably. But his partner doesn’t need to know that. The ghoul doesn’t know a lot in terms of dealing with meltdowns, but for Six, he’ll try. Whatever sort of exercises they start to engage in to get their anxiety under control, he’ll be beside them, trying to participate, to help them through it if they seem to be struggling. He’ll get better at dealing with it over time, but it always scares him a bit to see his partner this way. Evidently, he will become more and more aware of his surroundings the more they travel together, and will try to keep them away from the situations he finds tend to set them off.

Veronica:

Whatever it was that seemed to have Six panicked, Veronica would seek to expel it in whatever way she can (but she's most enthusiastic when it involves punching). Her physical assault of the enemies responsible would be relentless, but should the episode be caused by something else, Veronica would be less comfortable dealing with it, but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t try. She mostly leaves Six to figure out their meltdown on their own, maybe going through breathing exercises with them and sticking by their side, but letting them calm themself of their own accord. Her involvement with the Berotherhood has taught her enough to know not to add any pressure to someone enduring this amount of stress. However, when they do eventually tell her that they are through the worst of it, she would try to give them some form of physical contact to help reassure them that she’s there for them, if they are comfortable with it.

FO3

Butch:

He’s known Lone a long time, and since they were kids, he’s been learning about the sort of situations that set them off. Now that they’re together, he’ll try his hardest to think back to all the times they were overwhelmed, and would attempt to keep them from these types of environments as best as he can. That doesn’t always work though, given the differences between the vault and the unpredictable outside world. Despite this, he also tends to remember the way their father used to help them when they became panicked like this, and will try to replicate these actions in order to best help his companion. Once he's succeeded in helping them calm down, they might have to return the favor, as their panic tends to do a number on Butch. Though he has seen them in such a state more than a few times, that doesn’t mean he likes it one bit, or will ever be truly used to it.

Charon:

Calm and collected as ever, Charon would systematically eliminate all stressful factors that could be affecting Lone. When he had seen to that task, he would turn to his partner, standing by their side and waiting for direction of how best he could help them. If they can recover on their own, he’ll be nearby to cover them, but if they are in need of his assistance, as long as they tell him what they need, he will oblige. In the aftermath of Lone’s meltdown, Charon would keep his blue eyes locked on them as his worry wears away at his stoic exterior. They will need to tell him that they are okay, or else he will refuse to carry on with their travels. Until he knows they can handle it, he won’t allow them to set off again.

Clover:

The poor thing would do everything wrong in this instance. She would try so damn hard to help her partner in their time of need, but ultimately she would prove to only add to the list of overwhelming factors surrounding Lone. As soon as she saw the panic wash over her companion, she would be by their side, speaking to them quickly, and as quietly as she could, but her own anxiety would cause a high pitch to sound from her throat as she tried to talk her companion down, running her hands over their arms as she does her best to support them, her frantic touches only serving to quicken their heartbeat further as they felt trapped by her concerned caresses. Once Lone finally does manage to settle down, Clover would be almost hurt by their lack of reciprocation when she tried to aid them; that is, until Lone explains to her that there are better ways for her to help. Now Clover just has to remember this for future instances...

Cross:

She’s been a soldier long enough to know how to deal with stress on the battlefield, but it’s somehow different when it’s her partner going through the ordeal. She’ll be uncharacteristically tender as she takes them through the motions she was taught to use in order to calm her fellow soldiers’ nerves. Her voice would remain soft, her touches gentle, her brows knitted together in concern until Lone finally showed signs of calming down. The paladin would release a long breath, as though finally expelling her own apprehension at the situation, and then would straighten herself up, returning to the seasoned soldier she was in order to face whatever was left of the situation at hand.

Fawkes:

The super mutant has a difficult time with subdelty, and would be worried about overwhelming Lone from his own loud tendencies. Should they start becoming uncomfortable while in his presence, he would actually distance himself from them, trying to turn away any additional factors that could be playing a part in their overload. Once they appear to have calmed themself, Fawkes will check in, apologize, and ask if there was anything he could do to prevent such occurrences from happening while they are in his company.

Jericho:

Fucking hell. We live in the Capital Wasteland. The whole damn place is just one big ass stressful situation. Are they serious?! He’d be confused, and a little pissed off, but if he has a soft spot for anyone, it’s Lone. Dammit. He won’t really know what to do, but he’ll try his best to cover them and keep them from harm’s way as they attempt to calm down and deal with their overload. Afterwards, he’ll gruffly ask if they’re okay, telling them that what they did could’ve gotten them killed, his expression would be a combination of sternness and annoyance, but his body would betray him as it shook in relief at the sight of his companion standing uninjured in front of him. Jericho would nod for the pair to continue on their way impatiently, but his eyes wouldn’t leave Lone as they set off in front of him, concern shining in their depths when he knew no one was there to see it.