#but like. irl friendship is also such an important experience for people of any age to see others they know i person ect ect | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

colemckenzies · 2 years

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hi sorry to bother you but do you have any advice on how to make friends in your 20s? seeing you happy and enjoying your friendship group is so good and wholesome and everything i kind of want out of my life lol <3 any advice appreciated!

aw this is so nice!!!

i mean the biggest impetus for me was moving to a new city where i knew literally not a single person and then living alone in said city, so i had no choice but to go out and meet people like there was nothing else i could do. and i will say it has been really hard, particularly as i work full-time and study part-time, and have been recovering from some Stuff that happened in 2020, and even now it's sometimes A Lot because it does take me a solid 5 years of knowing someone before I'm like Yes Okay We Are For Real Friends And I Can Be Myself With You lol. but it has also been really gratifying and i do always recommend getting out there and connecting w people irl!!!

i obviously don't know what you're situation is or how much it aligns w my experience but with that said here are my Top Tips:

apps. when i first moved i met most people my age through Bumble BFF which is a bit cringe and awkward but it was a great starting point, it basically kick-started my entire social life bc you know that the people on it are ALSO actively looking for friends (literally the first person i met was so invested that they threw loads of networking events for everyone they had met and started a groupchat and i met a lot of people that way). also tinder lmao the two people i talk to/hang out with most are both people i met on tinder it's a great way to specifically roll with the el gee bee tees

clubs/societies. personally i find clubs really hard to commit to (see the work/uni time commitment lol i just get too tired) but the thing to remember is you don't have to do them forever. i joined all sorts of groups for a few months, and then when there were people there i really liked (who i knew shared an interest in whatever thing it was) i just stayed in contact with them. and then obviously if you really like a group you can keep doing it (i still do theatre and LOVE literally everyone there). these groups are good as well because they really cultivate Local Community investment in particular and i think it's important to interact w people from different backgrounds/age groups you wouldn't necessarily be Friends with but like they ARE your local community

community centres/local businesses. like that tiktok that says about Just Show Up Somewhere Regularly, like this could be going to your favourite coffee shop/community space and then just keeping an eye out for who else is always there at the same time as you, but ALSO could be more active than that. most of my main friend group are big contributors to the local queer arts scene and organise events w the local arts centre/pubs/etc so don't be afraid to ask your local institutions what's going on or if you can volunteer. again i think actively investing in local community is really key here and provides you a wide net to rely on and full of more individuals you can meet one-on-one

group chats are your friend. i love a groupchat these days i used to hate friendship groups in school bc it was so cliquey and required so much maintenance and ive always preferred hanging out with people one-on-one (still do) but now im in sooo many groupchats and it's nice if i have a free evening and feel like doing something and i can just post 'hey is anyone free' and then people r free and sometimes they will bring people THEY know and then i meet more people.

reddit. was not expecting this to be a thing and i only had an account for a very short while but my city's subreddit was SO useful when i first moved for finding out about events/clubs that weren't advertised elsewhere and getting local insider info. i personally didn't meet anyone this way but i know they did organise meet-ups and have a CITY DISCORD SERVER so that may work for u if your city has something like that lmao

be open to making friends. with the above said as ways to meet people u have to be willing to actually make friends with people!! in my town instagram seems to be the main way to low-committal connect w people so i made a public account and now whenever i meet the vaguest stranger at an event who seems cool im like oh yeah let's follow each other lol. say yes when people invite you places and be willing to invite other people to hang out if you think you would be friends! a good way to bridge the gap between Acquaintances and Friends is to tell the acquaintance abt something you're doing anyway so then it's no pressure. like if you're part of a local group (see point 2) or going to an event (see point 3) just be like 'oh I'll be at this thing maybe see you there!' and then if they are there you can talk to them more and if you do this enough times you are now friends. or just in general be willing to (casually) do nice things for people even if it might seem a bit weird like when I got new neighbours i put my phone number through their letterbox in case they needed anything i got someone i didn't know That well a gift just because it was something specific they'd been talking about i thought they would like i saw someone on instagram say they loved handwritten letters so i asked if they minded sharing their address - as long as you're polite and not pushy about it and don't mind if people just ignore it then it's nice!

cast a wide net. as u may have noted from the above points lol i think it mostly comes down to meeting EVERYONE and being open to EVERYTHING and not putting too much pressure on anything or anyone in particular so that you will just organically get closer with the people you're supposed to get close with and nothing is forced. its great to find your Platonic Soulmate or w/e but you do also just need a certain base level of socialisation and u gotta work with what you have. if you just assume that most human beings you interact with on a day to day basis are kind people with good intentions not only does life feel a lot easier but it's easier to remember that you are just Someone Who Lives In A Place and so are they and it's all fine.

think about people you already know. obviously it's great when you really Click with someone and meeting new people is refreshing and interesting but is there anyone you already know nearby who you've never been Friends friends with but you get on and could see yourself being friends if you actually invested time in it? reach out!! i think this is esp good bc as much as personality is a factor in friends never underestimate the power of just Knowing Their Name For A Long Time lmao. shared reference points in your history are huge even if you didn't actually talk to them at the time those reference points happened.

still take time for yourself. obviously the above takes a lot of time and energy and emotional effort and it's taken me over a year to get to the point that im at. sometimes it's really hard because i will have plans literally every day of the week and ive met so many people i COULD be friends with and then i feel guilty bc i haven't seen X person for three months lol. but i think it's nice to know that you COULD meet up with someone and invest in any one of those friendships you have but instead you are going to Choose to spend the weekend by yourself bc you are an individual WITHIN this large web of interconnected people and u still exist the whole time. like at the end of the day i am still in fact an introvert and when im with people i don't know that well i still mask a lot so i do need to take time to be by myself sometimes! and everyone is fine w that !

#i hope this is like. readable. sorry for block text.#idk if this makes sense or is applicable but this has been my experience!#sorry its long if u have any more qs just ask!!

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monsterslament · 2 years

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sooo normal and cheerful and happy

#tfw ur birthday is literally two full months away and you know you'll have no irl friends to celebrate with so you'll just be alone #even tho its not even a big holiday and it feels weird to celebrate but ik I'll end up at least doing something anyway #but uh. yeah i have no irl friends like i have yall n i love u to death ofc. how could i not #but like. irl friendship is also such an important experience for people of any age to see others they know i person ect ect #i just. it sucks man #like the two people who i still have the numbers of never even talk to me #i started a conversation once to let them know i still wanted to be friends but they havent said anything to me in months #i always have to be the one to make plans or talk to Them and i just want to see people!!#i want to go places and see people irl! i want friends i want to see someone my age i want to hear new voices #i just. sitting alone with my party hat two months early.#idk its not a big deal. i feel like im overreacting. im not sure #im just tired of only seeing the same few people i barely know anyone my age even my brother is like 10 years older than me #like. girl help genuinely help i am so isolated #just like. going outside once or twice a month isnt gonna get me anywhere #im just gonna feel good for a few hours and then go back home and crumble

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rainbow-and-black-like-my-soul · 2 years

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Bad Buddy brain rot

I love that it started with a classic "parents hate each other and therefore so do their children" and grew so much from there. Now a non-linear, very messy, incomplete and chaotic list of reasons why I love this show ( @kalincka ceci est une rant qui n’a pas fini dans tes messages parce que c’est très long et que je veux pas non plus te noyer sous les messages mais cadeau)

The dynamic of “I’ve known you all my life” : no "we've met 3 seconds in the hall because you dropped your book and I am desperately in love with you now" here

At no point does the story allow us to forget that they are probably the biggest constant in each other’s life except their families. They have known each other all their life and know each other like the back of their hand

They gave us the story of two boys, raised to hate each other, to compete and be better endlessly, and who just could not do it because when you put two children together and make them compete about everything and therefore spend all their time together. Well, they're gonna become friends. They share a balcony!

They use can-phones to talk to each other at some point : this is a children’s toy that they're using at age 18. It is proof of how long they’ve hidden their friendship but also of how long they’ve thrived to be friends even if it was the thing they were forbidden to do. Against their parents' wishes and in a microcosmos of hate, they created a friendship that came to an end as soon as their parents found out.

And once they find each other again after 3 years? even in rival groups, it is so easy to fall back into their old friendship.

it’s running up the stairs to see who reaches home first, it’s fighting over a lost pair of earphones, it’s knocking on your door for no reason except you want to spend time together, it’s keeping a guitar for years because it belongs to the other even if you don’t know if you’re gonna see them again, it’s bickering and play fighting with chopsticks over food and gently arguing over sweaty shirts and burnt food  and faking muscle cramps just so they touch you some more

it's also doing everything you can to get the other out of trouble simply because you want them to be happier or making sure they get to perform in a music contest they were banned from because their friends are dumbasses

it's the peace and trust that comes with being known, absolutely, and loved, absolutely

Even once they become lover, their friendship is such a important part of their relationship and casting two actors who are bffs irl was a very smart choice

The domesticity and easy affection:

the kisses (hand, cheeks), the hand holding, every little touch of affection that just feels so natural because they don’t actually think about it is one of my favorite thing about this show

In tv shows and dramas and movies, affection is usually built up to be this very big, very life changing thing whereas here, it's something easy and so natural between two people who love each other and don't even think about it

it so evident throughout that they actually thorouhgly enjoy each other's presence and have fun being with each other

The way they really said "we ain't doing any of this heteronormative, dramatic nonsense":

no weird pseudo-gendered power dynamic, no bi erasure, no jealousy or poor girl put between them to create conflict (i mean there is one girl and it takes 20 minutes to understand that she is not interested and here for lesbian reasons) 

none of the things that come to stand in their way come from them, it is the world around them that is standing against them but they repetedly, wholeheartedly choose each other each step of the way, their affection, love and friendship never wavering

Honorable mentions: - sibling dynamics that own my ass - dumbdumb friends - no homophobia in this house so that we focus on the other fucked up shit - chosen family putain it’s the queer experience

there are things that i am forgetting but yelp I’ve forgotten them

overall this is a feel-good show that will potentially makes you cry but heal your heart, it's funny, it's light-hearted but also deals with the expectations of your family, the weight of trauma that is not yours and how to make sure that, despite not being able to change the world, you won't let the world change you

( @kalincka vraiment si t’as l’occasion/le temps stp give it a chance, c’est mon vdf à moi, (en plus y a tout sur youtube subbed en anglais) )

#tv shows #bad buddy series

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dedkake · 2 years

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Hi Lauren, you seem like a grown up person (tho I'm older than you ;-;) so I'd like to take something off my chest/ask for advice(?). I may be on the ace spectrum, not sure, never tried a relationship, but I really like romance stories/slash stories. The situation that has been bothering me is: I was working somewhere and I realized an older colleague was trying to flirt with me, to the point that he confessed to me (although I had been politely turning him down for ages). (1/2)

(2/2)I felt extremely annoyed and even offended by it?? (but I still was polite to the end) I know technically he did nothing wrong. But man, I was so mad internally. I'm still mad to this day, it literally haunts me. I wonder what I did wrong, how I should have avoided that confession from happening in the first place... Thinking I'll lie and say I'm not single from now on. But u know, if it all had been the plot of a slash fic I'd be all over it! wtf is wrong with me! And how do I get over it?

💜💜💜 please feel free to talk to me any time! talking through stuff is always helpful. i'm not an expert on relationships or asexuality by a long shot--i'm just. shuffling through life trying to figure it out as i go. but sharing experiences with one another is a hugely validating thing!!

there’s nothing wrong with you!! and you didn’t do anything wrong!

the situation you've described sucks! i so so so hate it when i find myself in a situation where people are flirting with me. particularly when i don't realize until later or when outsiders point it out. hate it. can think of a dozen times this has happened over the course of my life in vivid detail because like you said, it's haunting. when it is particularly sexual, it feels like a violation. i don’t view myself that way and it is disconcerting to be reminded that others might. particularly people i have to interact with regularly!

but in general, i think we need to be kinder to ourselves. so i try to keep these things in mind:

i can't control other people. i am not responsible for someone else’s feelings or the way they act on those feelings. i'm not doing anything wrong by putting up my boundaries. i'm also not doing anything wrong by not noticing their feelings in the first place 🙃 literally just not on my radar, my flirty friends.

intention is the entire basis of any relationship--it's what makes a romance different from a friendship, or one friend different from another. the intention one person has in a relationship can change (bc people change). communication and boundaries are important, particularly when things change.

to your other point:

i don’t have to have experienced something to know i don’t want it. ‘try this food you might like it’ is not the way to go for relationships, particularly if the smell or sight of it makes me gag. i think fish looks good as a picture on the menu, but when you bring it near me, i literally have to walk away because the smell is so nauseating to me.

what i enjoy in fiction has nothing to do with what i want for myself. enjoying romantic/sexual fic or even having fantasies about it doesn't really have anything to do with what i want irl. people who like genres like horror and war do not want to experience those things themselves. even allo people like reading about romantic/sexual scenarios they don't want for themselves.

the time that my lawn guy asked if i was single (true story!) was fundamentally different than an au where character a does character b’s lawn and asks for their phone number. because in the fic, it usually becomes clear that they are both into it! i love the idea of this story! my friends loved the idea of that guy asking me that! i did not want this for me and had to find a new lawn guy! the idea of it and it happening to me were Very Different things.

as for advice. i don’t know. people do things to protect themselves and people do things to comfort themselves. people share more about themselves or less about themselves. it’s a deeply personal choice.

you said in your ask that you’re uncertain if you want to use the aspec label, and you seem upset by the mismatch in your feelings, hobbies, and experiences. i found it worthwhile reading the experiences of people in the aspec community (irl or fiction). regardless of whether you end up feeling more comfortable with an aspec label or deciding it’s not for you, it might help!

reading the experiences of other ace and aro people has helped me So Much. i’ve been lurking on some big ace blogs and reading any ace fic i can get my hands on for years. and it’s also helped me feel more comfortable with myself--embracing being ace and embracing the questioning nature of my aro label is much easier when i’m hearing other people express similar experiences and feelings!

#hi anon #i hope you're okay #!!#sorry for a delayed response #anonymous #also thank you for thinking i'm a grown up person #ldkfja;sld #i appreciate it #idk if any of this makes sense #or if it's helpful at all <3

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whosaysitsfantasy · 4 years

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Juke/Maddison & Charlie

So I just want to address something about Juke and then I’m literally not going to talk about it again, because I’ve seen a few posts about people shipping the actors and then people hating on the ship a little bit because of the age gap and it’s just been frustrating me so I wan’t to kinda get this out and then just get back to enjoying the show. Also Apologies if this upsets anyone but these are my opinions and you in no way have to agree with them I just ask that you read my thoughts fully before passing judgment and to please be respectful.

Here is what I think it is ok to do:

Shipping Luke and Julie together. Why? Because in the show they are both teenagers (16/17). I saw someone say it was kinda gross because the boys should be like 42? which I think is a little ridiculous because if they had lived sure they would have been 42 or w.e. but they didn’t... they died, and it is canon that to them no time has passed. What this means is that the boys are still mentally, emotionally and physically 17 years old. For this reason the characters are perfectly capable of being together and their biggest obstacle remains Luke being a ghost lol.

Here is what I think it is NOT ok to do:

Shipping Maddison and Charlie together in real life. Now I’m going to break down for you why this is gross and not ok and why saying “when she’s 18 he can date her” is also not ok.

A 16 year old and a 22 year old have two completely different maturity levels. A 16 year old can be mature absolutely but that doesn’t mean that they are at the same maturity level as a 22 year old. I’m 26 and I can tell you that my maturity changed DRASTICALLY between the ages of 16-24. I use to think I was very mature when I was 16. When I hit 22 and looked back at who I was I realized that I was not nearly as mature as I believed I was and now at 26 I can clearly see the differences in who I was as a person at these ages. I can guarantee that most people (if they’re self aware enough) would agree that their maturity level was completely different as a teenager then it was once they hit their twenties. A lot of this has to do with the simple fact that in your 20′s you’ve typically gained more life experience through jobs, and relationships and higher education your brain has also developed more. Now. Maddison is definitely mature for her age in no way am I claiming she isn’t however it is still very obvious through different interviews and lives I’ve seen of her and of Charlie that they are not at the same level. Mentally, emotionally, physically.They definitely have more of a brother/sister friendship. It’s clear that they care about each other and they can of course get a long as friends but friendship and an intimate relationship are two completely different things. Maddison and Charlie’s maturity’s work fine as a friendship but if you were to factor in intimacy and romance it quickly becomes problematic. Some people might still think that the maturity levels don’t matter. I’m here to tell you it does.

While I don’t think that Charlie would be the type of guy to ever pressure a girl he is with, that doesn’t mean that the pressure would not still exist. If they were to hypothetically date Maddison could easily feel pressured into participating in things she might not really feel ready for like certain intimate acts, parties ect because she want’s to please her partner or because she might feel like this is what she SHOULD be doing rather then doing what she is emotionally and mentally ready for. That pressure can easily influence someone of a young age who hasn’t had many experiences into doing things they eventually regret or doing things that end up having a negative impact on their mental health and the way they view themselves or even how they view healthy/unhealthy relationships down the line. Now Maddison seems smart and has a good support system but your support system can’t protect you 24/7 in an intimate relationship no matter how hard they try which is why a lot of teenagers end up going through something that they end up wishing they hadn’t done because they didn’t know any better. To also say that he can just “wait” for her to turn 18 is just predatory and gross and suggests that it’s still ok to pursue someone of a young age so long as you wait till they are legal which it is not that still means you wanted to be with a minor even if you wait till they are 18.

Also it is important to note that an actors personal life is NONE of your business. An Actors job is to perform in the show/play/movie that they have been hired to perform in and to then promote that project. That’s it. That is all they owe you and anything else is entirely up to their discretion. You are not owed information about their personal lives and you are not owed a say in who they date. If you like two actors who are dating and you think they are cute that’s fine, if they are sharing their relationship and you want to support it that is fine but you have to understand boundaries. I’ve seen fans overstep in a LOT of fandoms (one example being Lili and Cole from Riverdale) where they attack other people for being close to the people in the relationship or they bother the actors to update them about their relationship ect. It’s disrespectful and it’s honestly not your place regardless of if they have shared information about a relationship previously. It’s also not cool to try to pressure the actors into dating, you don’t know what they are actually like irl you have no idea if they are actually compatible you do not have a full picture of the situation and for that reason your opinion should be kept to yourself.

Finally I want to address the whole Luke & Julie kissing issue because I totally understand why people are a little uncertain about it due to the age gap. Now normally I’d be a little put off by it but I am actually ok with the idea of Luke and Julie kissing on screen and I’m just going to list off quickly below why I think it’s ok and why I wouldn’t get upset if it happened.

1. It is very clear that Maddison’s family (specifically her dad) are very involved with Maddison and her job on JATP. Mr.Reyes is often shown on set with her at rehearsals and during shooting. He was there when they practiced the perfect harmony dance which I personally thought was kinda intimate. I feel better about it because I know she has a strong support system who will be there to ensure that if a kiss DID happen she would be safe because she has her family looking out for her on set.

2. Much like above both Kenny and Charlie are very respectful people who very clearly have a lot of respect and love for Maddison. I also don’t think they would ever put Maddison into a position she was uncomfortable with. If a kiss DID happen I am sure there will be a lot of conversations about it and it would be done in a respectful healthy way.

3. This is a job. They are not kissing because they like each other in real life they are not pursuing anything romantically. They are performing a job that they are being paid for in front of a group of people also performing a job. This for me helps me feel less gross about it because even though they are actually kissing it’s not a ‘real’ romantic kiss. It’ll be a staged one that they have gone over and discussed at length with Kenny.

4. This is a Kenny Ortega project. The show has very clearly established that the relationships are about more than physical intimacy. IF we get a kiss between Julie and Luke we are not going to get more then a PG rated kiss.. hell probably more of a G rated kiss. Not only because this is a project by Kenny but because the actors are different ages. It is also unlikely that we will get more then one maybe two kisses a season. I personally don’t think they’re going to make them kiss in season two I think it might happen if we get season 3 but I would still be ok with a season 2 kiss because again it will probably be very simple and very respectful especially cause it’ll also probably be Julie’s 1st kiss. If they were to have them make out or something that would be when I would feel uncomfortable, but that just doesn’t seem like Kenny’s vibe. He’s worked with a lot of young actors and it’s not like they’re going to french kiss or something. Kissing is intimate of course but a small closed mouth kiss is honestly pretty innocent in my opinion especially if done correctly. So it doesn’t bother me much.

5. Finally by the time they get around to filming a season 2 or 3 Maddison will also be a bit older (17 or 18) hopefully so she will also be at an age where it will feel more comfortable for her.

So in conclusion: shipping Juke good, shipping Maddy & Charlie bad and wanting Juke to kiss is acceptable so long as they do it appropriately which from what I’ve seen of the cast and the crew I believe they would. I personally have a lot of faith in the creators of this show it’s clearly a very healthy supportive environment and I trust that they know what they are doing.

Again these are my personal opinions but I felt like some people weren’t really looking at it from a completely logical standpoint but more of an emotional one which is understandable because its a very serious subject matter and it could very well also be a trigger for many people who’ve gone through something similar. I just needed to get all that off my chest cause this kind of thing can breed negativity in fandoms and thats why I don’t participate in them anymore. and listen if this was a different show with a different cast and crew and creator and they had a 16 year old and a 22 year old kissing I would probably find it more unsettling but I think one of the reasons why we all love this show so much is BECAUSE it is so healthy and because the cast are so involved and vocal about the show. I have no doubt in my mind that Maddison would have the space to speak up if she was uncomfortable and I have no doubt in my mind that Kenny and her family would make sure she was safe.

So anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk and please if you disagree that’s totally ok just don’t be hateful, I’m happy to have discussions but I won’t tolerate rudeness cause at the end of the day it’s a show and it’s out of our hands and I’m not saying you have to agree with me. This is just how I feel about these issues.

Ok thanks bye <3

#Jatp #Julie and the phantoms #Juke #Julie and luke #Julie molina #Luke patterson #maddison reyes #charlie gillespie #Just my opinion you don't have to agree #please just be respectful

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searchforthescars · 2 years

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hey amanda! this is a little random but do you have any advice for making friends in college? i’m a sophomore & just had my first in-person semester but feel like i’ve made no real/long term friends. i made 0 friends during zoom university so i was really excited at the start of the semester, talked to so many people from clubs/class, hung out 1/2 times with each of them, etc but all these convos feel the same/superficial & i’m always the one initiating hangouts. coming back home for break to high school friends really made me realize how lonely & sad i was during the semester. i’m dreading going back & idk. i just feel so lost & i’m scared the rest of college will be like this

Hey you! Never anything too random for this inbox, lemme tell you

First of all, let me acknowledge how you're feeling and what you're doing, bc it's a lot and I hope you're proud of yourself for not only identifying what you want in friendships/relationships, but doing your best to pursue those relationships rather than settling. That's something a lot of people don't do until way later in life, and I'm incredibly proud of you. Your feelings of frustration and loneliness are absolutely valid, and let's see if we can't come up with a game plan to tackle em, yeah?

Now, on the topic of making friends - and I swear I'm not trying to be all "when I was your age, blah blah blah" - but you are still early on in your college journey, and there's a pretty good chance that your fellow classmates who are also sophomores are feeling more like freshmen and having all those same experiences as well. When I was in college (I was a freshman in 2016), the whole first year was more about figuring myself out and my life out first, and meeting other people second. So while I joined clubs (and even started one!!) and met people, they were little more than casual acquaintances bc neither of us were in the space to invest in anything deeper. So there is that environmental aspect that does bear mentioning, because the chances that it's not a reflection of you at all are EXTREMELY high

My top piece of advice would be to keep showing up. Identify a couple clubs or organizations centered around something important to you - a passion, a skill, a cause or a religion – and keep showing up. Engage consistently with everyone, and keep an eye out for those people who you consistently seem to click with. It's a slow process, and can often feel hella awkward and agonizing, but the best and deepest friendships are the ones that happen organically. And if y'all form a bond around a common interest and then expand out from there? You're golden. (That's how I met some of my closest, dearest friends - we started watching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood together and now they're like my second family.)

You mentioned spending time with your high school friends over break; I'm not sure how close y'all are, but another great way to combat loneliness is to schedule virtual hangouts or watch parties. You could put a discord server together for your friends to keep in touch and watch TV or movies together, or just all chat in one big virtual room. It's not the same as hanging out in meatspace, but it will help you keep those people in your life in a more tangible way, which is not only really helpful for Ye Olde Mental Health, but also just fun!! Same thing with internet friends - I was way closer with the friends I made on Tumblr while in college than I was with any of my IRL college friends, and that's okay! Friends come from all places!

Finally, when you start deepening some friendships with folks you meet at college, don't be afraid to set boundaries. You mentioned feeling frustrated by the superficial conversations you were having and the fact that you were always initiating hangouts - both totally valid feelings, ones I felt myself All The Time!! - and there's nothing wrong with articulating that to people bc I can guarantee they may not even know they're acting that type of way. Something as simple as "Since I planned this get-together, I'll leave the ball in your court for the next one!" can go a long way in setting that boundary without making it weird, you know?

Also, for whatever it's worth? This loneliness and lost feeling goes away. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but as someone who may as well have ghostwritten that question when I was your age, I promise you: it's not always gonna feel like this. Which sounds like such a line, but ya know. I promise. It's gonna get better. And I'm always here for you; drop me a line any time <3

#long post #college advice #advice

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bluecoloreddreams · 4 years

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(Disclaimer: this contains spoilers for the Fruits Basket and Fruits Basket: Another manga, as well as taking into consideration tidbits from Takaya’s twitter.)

So, okay, first of all we have to address the YMMV aspect: Some people don’t like this ship. As long as they’re respectful, I have no beef with that. I’m well aware that some people cannot/choose not to make the distinction between “real life” and “fiction”— I have the luxury of this choice, so some of the “problematic” ships/character aspects within Furuba don’t bother me (for the most part). It’s fiction, and I’m aware of this.

Again, some people cannot/do not make this distinction, and that’s none of my business because that’s their personal life. I’m aware that people dislike aspects of Akigure, and that’s fine.

Personally? I’ve been reading Furuba since like, basically the dawn of time. I was reading scans on, like, MSN groups. I remember a friend at church (of all places) telling me about the Akito reveal because I was behind on updates. It’s literally engrained upon my shipping heart at this point.

(Headcanons ahoy! Like literally, this is all headcanon/my perspective on the series as a whole. YMMV/YKINMK/Dead Dove, the whole works, if you know you know

YES I wrote it like it’s an actual research paper because I have No Chill At All, please forgive me. It’s long and pretty rambling.)

Addressing the first elephant in the room: Given my limited interactions with the fandom, my impression of Akigure from a generalized fan POV is that it’s pretty divisive. Every episode she comes up there are “I hate this kid” comments and I cry

Akito is a favorite of mine, and it’s impossible for anime-only’s to make a deep, informed call on her character. On the other hand, a lot of manga-readers dislike her too.

So, why am I talking about whether or not people like Akito as a character?

I’m of the opinion that it impacts people’s ability to view her character arc as one that deserves a happy ending. That she doesn’t deserve to have love, happiness, or forgiveness, all of which are given to her when she and Shigure finally end up together on equal footing. (Do I think the way it’s rushed in the original Furuba ending? Yeah, but hey. Sensei had like a huge ensemble cast to wrap ends on. Now there’s Furubana to look to and it’s just chef’s kiss.)

There’s a mental aspect in this, involving the dichotomy between “reality” and “fiction”.

There is absolutely zero argument that are a lot of things that Akito does that uh, listen, if it was IRL she’d be in jail! Jail for terror baby! Jail for life!

Fortunately, Fruits Basket is a work of fiction. These characters aren’t real, they’re idealized brushstrokes of human nature created to move a plot and a message along.

That’s why Akito and Shigure work as a couple and as characters:

They’re both incredibly deep characters that get passed off as one-dimensional by a lot of people (and the original anime, woof). Some of it is again, because anime-only fans just don’t have the whole story, since Akito’s arc is one that builds gradually until it hits a point where all hell breaks loose, which we are a ways away from.

So what’s the message that their relationship and characters are supposed to pass on?

Well, it breaks down into two categories: world building and thematic arcs. The latter is more important and what I’ll be focusing on, while the former is just a little spice that I, personally enjoy, and won’t really talk about in depth. (It’s that the magical realism in Furuba sets up the idea of soulmates, it’s just…. Something I enjoy and it’s really heacanony, so I can’t really justify spending more words on it!)

When discussing Fruits Baskets in any capacity, I feel like we must first keep in mind the thematic “lessons” of the series:

There is an inherent loneliness in living as a human being, since loss, grief, and hurt are indelible parts of the human experience, and learning to cope with these feelings in a compassionate manner is a life-long lesson

People react differently to the loneliness of existence, and their reactions are based upon their personalities, their upbringings, and their own choices

Everyone is capable of change and learning, if they choose to do so, however:

Personal agency is taught, but in the vacuum of positive reinforcement, the ability of a person to choose to be compassionate is stifled or outright inaccessible

Therefore, if you are not taught to deal with your grief and existence outside of others, your ability to connect may become warped, manipulative, or abusive, and this is not the fault of the child but instead the parental figure

Eventually, you will be aware of your actions, and then it is your burden to choose—some people do not take this choice (the head maid, Ren, Kyo’s bio dad, Rin’s parents, Sawa’s mother in Furubana)

Abuse has long lasting effects on the psyche and can be physical, emotional, and/or mental in nature and must be dealt with in order to grow as a person

“Dealt with” does not mean that it goes away, but that it is acknowledged and given a positive outlet (Yuki’s garden, Aaya’s shop, Rin’s art, Momiji’s violin playing)

Forgiveness is not linear

Forgiving yourself is a long and arduous process, and happens independent of other people’s forgiveness

This is really brought to the forefront in Fruits Basket: Another, when Shiki talks about how his mother interacts with the rest of the Sohma family. It’s shown she’s done what she can to make amends, but recognizes that while she can individually hold relationships with certain family members, as a whole, it's best if she allows them to be away from her.

This is a whole tangent on its own, but there’s a certain blanket of casual forgiveness given to Akito by the entirety of the shown Zodiac in Furubana, in that they trust that she’s raised a kind and thoughtful son and allow him the grace of his own family.

Again, in Takaya’s tweets post-series that acknowledges that Akito’s friends with Uo-chan, despite her relationship with Kureno (and it shows a depth of awareness on Kureno’s part that he stays away

People flourish in environments where love and positive reinforcement is given freely, even when people are in the wrong

This doesn’t mean that no one is ever scolded: see Komaki and Kakeru, Kisa and Hiro, Hatori chews out Shigure all the time, but never ceases being his confidant

So okay, that’s A Lot. But every single character in Furuba follows these themes in their own manner, because the series is about healing and learning how to heal from abuse, neglect, and isolation. Someone’s gonna have to be doing it. Point blank, the end, to tell a story there must be conflict, and boy howdy, there’s a lot of conflict in Furuba. Every personal thematic arc in the series ends up tying into a romantic one, because Furuba is a romcom drama.

There’s a loop that goes “personal betterment”->”crush”/”friendship”->”conflict”->”personal growth”/”relationship growth” in the series for every character. That’s the bread and butter of Furuba.

But anyway. To the question:

I love them because they work, they’re both their own people with their own narrative focuses, motivations, conflicts, and flaws. Both Shigure and Akito are believable in their own right in the context of Furuba, and I think Takaya did wonderfully in crafting a story where their personalities mesh well and give each other reasons to better themselves.

To talk about them together, you have to talk about them separately.

I’m gonna start with Shigure because, truthfully?

I just want to lament about how often he’s simply passed off as either comic relief or absolute trash. He’s so underestimated!

“He’s a joke of a grown man… He is reliable and I trust him.” (Another, v. 3)

He’s incredibly intelligent when it comes to interpersonal relationships, which is why he’s able to do what he does. He’s also incredibly kind—no one made him take in Yuki or Kyo or Tohru. He could have just went “ah, I’d prefer not to” and moved on. But he didn’t, made up some bullshit so Haru would feel like taking in Yuki was a transaction, and let me just tell you, I am the same age as Shigure and if you gave ME three teenagers to be the guardian of?! It would be a full on disaster.

He’s actually incredibly trustworthy (if he wants to be), insightful, and a genuinely good guardian despite his jokes and wisecracking.

He forced Kyo to go back to school, knowing full well it would be good for him. He lets a whole host of children run rampant through his home. Kids who actually enjoy his presence. He’s shown as having a good familial relationship with Rin (who tries to warp that for her own means), Kisa, Haru, and Momiji. His advice to Tohru is genuine, insightful, and ridiculously helpful.

Shigure is good with people. He gets up at the crack of dawn to drive Shiki to see Sawa in Furubana. He’s who Mutsuki and Hajime immediately go “holy shit you need to do something about this” to when they find out Shiki’s getting nasty notes about Akito. He’s who Shiki goes to when Sawa fell down the stairs as a child. As much as Shiki and the others make fun of Shigure, he’s obviously someone who’s trustworthy. And that’s not some new development, he’s always been trustworthy in regards to those he loves. No one asked him to show up to Tohru’s teacher conference, he volunteered. Like this dude loves people, he’s the dog spirit after all, and rightly so.

Does he have his own motivations? Of course! But so does everyone else in Furuba. He’s a complex character, man!

He laughs and jokes a lot because he’s projecting this image of a laid back, doofus. When you think about who he’s friends with, the whole middling goofball act makes a lot of sense. Just like some of Ayame’s over the top behavior is a defense mechanism, I believe that Shigure casts himself as a generally unappealing man to keep himself safe from advances when he was in school, but also to temper the wildly unequal personalities of his other two friends. He’s the sort of person who would just go “eh, whatever makes it easy”, and that’s just how he is.

He doesn’t mean the creepy school girl thing, it’s a bit and I think the only people who don’t realize he’s running a bit are Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru who are absolutely too stupid to realize he’s playing them for reactions. He thinks it’s funny.

Anyway:

When the older Zodiac had the dream of Shigure, Shigure is the only one who made the active choice to seek out that feeling. His soul was touched, and he decided that he wanted that and only that. This doesn’t necessarily mean he went full Jacob from Breaking Dawn, but it does mean he acknowledged there was a bond, and he wanted it.

When you get into the technicalities of the curse, it’s mentioned that their Zodiac spirits influence how they interact with Akito, and that going against her can cause physical and emotional pain. Yuki cries when meeting her, and it’s mentioned that that’s just the normal reaction for the Zodiacs.

It’s hard to say how much of their early interactions are influenced by the curse, but it’s obvious that Shigure has genuine fondness for her. She wasn’t always absolutely broken, as shown in Yuki’s backstory, and was a precocious child, one who sought affection openly.

Shigure has an indulgent personality, and is shown to love being adored. Guess who loves him! Akito! Guess who wants lots and lots of affection! Akito!

Their personalities are very well matched as they get older: They’re both intelligent and coy. They both have fairly sharp tongues when needed, and have no qualms about doing whatever it takes to get what they want.

Shigure wants Akito to be independent from the curse. He’s made it clear to her he doesn’t want to be her father, he doesn’t want to be her friend, he wants to be her lover. Those are boundaries that Akito’s never been given before, and his frankness with her and his jealousy with Kureno is something she agonizes over, simply because she’s never been given any sort of serious interpersonal boundaries, or repercussions for her actions. He’s always kept himself separate from her, because of those boundaries, even when they were children.

That’s important. It opens the door to the idea that her actions have consequences, and is a persistent nagging in the back of her mind.

“Even though you hadn’t realized it, I was waiting for that day.” (ch 101)

For the bulk of the series, the only person who sees Akito as a person separate from the curse, and sees a future where she can grow is Akito. He has an extraordinary amount of patience for her, and forgives her for a lot.

There are only two incidents that Shigure cannot forgive: Her sleeping with Kureno, and at the very end of the series, I’m of the full opinion that if Akito had pushed Tohru off the cliff, Shigure would have been done with her. Look at that expression, that is the look of someone who is toeing the line of throwing away all his hopes and dreams. If she really had pushed Tohru, I just...... The series would have taken a much darker tone.

OKAY that’s enough about our favorite terrible author! (Okay, an aside, Shigure, please share your work ethic, you goof off so much but you’ve published so many things…how…)

ONTO AKITO!

“I’ve finally realized… she hated her own shallowness all this time, from the very start.” // “It’s frightening because you have no choices.” (ch 121)

A lot of people dislike Akito because she, for the bulk of the manga, is violent, manipulative and just downright unpleasant. And that’s fine, but it’s not the point of her arc or the themes of the manga. (It is, however, the point of Rin’s: you don’t have to forgive everyone.)

She’s not the only violent person in the series. If we as readers can forgive Uo-chan and Kyoko, or even Hana-chan for her moment of violence, why can we not extend the same grace to Akito?

Violence is often shown as a knee-jerk reaction to fear and sadness: Kyoko, Uo, Hana, Kyo, Rin, and Akito all react violently to negative situations and feelings. Even Kisa reacts violently when she’s at her worst, biting both Haru and Tohru when she’s in her tiger form, which is shown to actually cause pain like a real tiger would. (It’s played for laughs, but has anyone been bitten for realsies by a house cat? That hurts! How much more would a house-cat sized tiger hurt!!!)

Out of all of them, Hanajima and Kisa are the only characters to show immediate remorse, because they have what the others don’t: A positive support system. Once positive role models and support systems are in place, all of the others begin to learn how to react differently and ease out of the knee-jerk reactions that were ingrained in them.

It’s made explicit in the manga that you have to be taught how to react positively, you have to learn and choose to be good, to be friendly, to love yourself outside of others’ perceptions of yourself. Look at Yuki’s arc. Look at Uo-chan’s. Kyoko’s.

Yuki sums it up nicely in the last chapter of the manga, where he tells Tohru that she taught the Zodiac how to become human. She allows them to grow into people who can make the choice to be loving, compassionate individuals.

Just because Akito doesn’t interact positively with Tohru for the bulk of the manga, it doesn’t make it any less true:

Akito is kept in a juvenile state of being: No one teaches her to suck it up, that the world exists outside of herself, that other people are people and not things. In fact, she’s actively encouraged to act the way she does. She’s incredibly broken, between the maids of the Sohma estate just… allowing her to do whatever the fuck she wants and her absolutely jacked up relationship with Ren and Akira. She has no moral compass at all. No one bothers to teach her that her actions have serious consequences.

She knows, in a roundabout way that hey, these people don’t like me. There’s a serious mental dissonance between what she latently knows—these are all people with no connection to her other than the bond of the curse. This is why Tohru is able to break through to her at the climax of the manga:

She knows she’s wrong, but no one has ever told her she’s wrong but understood why she’s doing it. Akito just didn’t have the words to explain herself. What do children do when they cannot communicate? They lash out. Kids will bite, scratch, yell, kick, fall to the floor and have screaming tantrums out of frustration. Eventually, most kids learn that there are other ways to express frustration, and move along. (Not all, though, but most.)

Akito was taught that this is acceptable, allowable, and is her right as god. She is actively broken and kept that way through the neglect of the Sohma family maids, Ren’s abuse, and how Akira framed her role in the Zodiac.

I can go on and on and on and on why the way Akito was treated for her role in the Zodiac by her parents and the rest of the Sohma estate was just awful. I hate it, it’s terrible, she never had a chance to learn and grow and be the genuinely thoughtful woman we know she grows into.

She doesn’t force her path of forgiveness onto others and is fully cognizant of what she did, the repercussions of her actions, and lives her entire life after the curse breaks trying to right what she did wrong.

“Even if she gets hurt, she says she deserves it. She tells me not to let it bother me, but… I’ve always, always loved her so much.” (Another, ch. 13)

Tohru opens the door for Akito. She extends her hand, offers her friendship despite having seen the absolute worst of Akito. She tells Akito that everyone is lonely, everyone wants bonds, and acknowledges Akito’s worst fears, that Akito herself is selfish and dirty for wanting something assured and unending because she, Tohru, herself is dirty and selfish. Tohru knows what Akito has done, knows she’s injured some of her beloved friends, had plans to lock up Kyo, hurt Hatori.

Tohru still forgives her. One of Tohru’s striking traits in the manga is that she is suffering, every day, she struggles with the grief of losing her mother and the fear of being alone in the world. Through nothing but her own empathy and realization that loneliness is universal, she’s able to forgive people. She forgives Akito and cares for her, and through Tohru, Akito is introduced to the realization that she’s been wrong and that maybe, she shouldn’t be forgiven.

Shigure also forgives her, and this is the crux of their ship.

To me, that itself is wildly important.

They’ve always circled around each other, and Shigure has always been waiting for Akito to be able to come to him again, in full control of her life and choices. He wants Akito the woman, not Akito the god.

He’s been waiting for the day Akito can meet him as an equal. Akito wants it too, and has wanted him to turn and see her for a very very long time. But she’s been terrified, the entire time, that when he does see her as herself, Shigure won’t like what he sees, and will leave. She’s aware of what she’s done post-curse, she’s aware of the impacts it will have on the former Zodiac members, and she’s aware that once the ��bonds” of god and the animals is gone, there may not be anyone left for her.

Neither of them are under any illusions at the end of the series: Akito knows she has to atone for what she did, Shigure knows she has to learn to grow into a person who can function alone. They both know that there are people who are against them changing the oppressive structure of the Sohma family.

Neither of them care. There are things that they want, together, and it’s enough. There’s a whole new world for them to explore and learn about. And in Furubana, this is shown to be a lifelong effort on their parts:

“She said after meeting me, she learned so many things for the first time. She smiled happily as she said it.” (Another, #13)

To close, I’d like to take a moment to talk about the curse and Shigure, and how he set things in motion.

Without Shigure, the curse would have devolved on its own, yes, but the circumstances would not have allowed for the freedom the Zodiac had at the end of the manga. It would not have ended with Akito being able to learn and live freely. Allowing Tohru into the Sohma family cracked open a door to compassion and kindness none of them had ever experienced before, because the Sohma family seems to exist in a vacuum of stability and love.

It wasn’t that Shigure knew instantly that Tohru was kind and loving and thoughtful, if anything, his read on her was “completely normal, albeit strange, teenage girl who obviously has a rough life”. But she was normal, she was from outside the Sohmas, and he knew that was enough. No one in the family was stepping up to change the status quo and how stifling and abusive it was, so he did it himself.

He did it because he loved Akito.

Not because he felt bad for himself, or Hatori, or any of the others, but merely because he loved her to the point of manipulation. It backfired in his face, because he got a big ol’ dose of “loving and respecting” juice from Tohru, but he still got the end he wanted.

What I mean to say is best summarized in chapter 123:

“It would be nice to live in a kind world, without any troubles, without any fear, without hurting anybody, without ever being hurt, only doing the right thing. I wish I could reach this kind world by the shortest path possible. … “That’s wrong”, or “that’s stupid”: If it’s someone else’s life it’s so easy to make such irresponsible comments. ...It would be great, but it doesn’t exist. … Little by little, walking one step at a time, is all you can do.”

We get to experience the roughest part of the path with Akito and Shigure, we got to watch them be terrible people who were lonely and in want of love struggle and learn how to get up and move on.

They tease each other, Shigure is thoughtful of the distinction between “the person Akito was raised to be” and “the person who Akito is”. He’s seen her at her messiest, and she’s seen him at his most jealous. They still chose each other, despite the hurt they caused each other, and others. They make up for it, reflect, and live a life that demonstrates that they have learned. They have friends who are thoughtful and loving and would not hesitate to drop everything and help them, lend an ear when they’re frustrated, help them not to make the same mistakes.

And then we get to see them be wonderful, kind, thoughtful, loving parents in Furubana.

We got to see their adorable, kind, compassionate child be friends with the children of the people Akito hurt, because everyone in the former Zodiac’s family collectively decided “never again, no”.

Their child adores them. Shiki in Furubana #13 radiates love for Akito and Shigure the same way Mutsuki and Hajime do.

They are genuinely good parents, even when they tease Shiki, and I think that is testament for how good they are for each other and how much they’ve changed as adults.

I think that’s enough of a reason to ship them, don’t you?

#Mitkun writes stuff #fruits basket manga spoilers #fruits basket another #fruits basket spoilers #akigure #fruits basket akito #fruits basket shigure

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julieandthefandoms · 4 years

Text

Together

A Suzukka Royalty/Canon Divergence/Nothing really changes except for the fact that It is more modern, and Suki, Sokka, and Zuko have never met each other until this moment AU! It can also be found here on Ao3 :)

Reference: The time zones I used were based off of the IRL time difference between where Inuit live (Canada), and Japan. In addition, Bocchan Dongo is a popular Japanese dessert, so that's what Sokka, and Suki were eating in that one flashback of the kitchens. Both of these facts were found through brief google searches, so please correct me if I got anything wrong. Thank you!

Tagging @sukisbxtch @thomaslightwood @emiikas @zafirafoxx @older-brother-kit @ronan-lynch-deserves-the-world @sterllast @potter-redheads (I didn’t know whether the people who simply liked this wanted to be tagged, so I tagged them anyway, and I’m sorry if you didn’t want that)!

Sokka had never expected to fall in love. He certainly did not expect to fall for someone during a business trip, nor did he expect it to happen as quickly as it did.

It had all started out perfectly normal, Sokka packing to stay at the Fire Nation Royal Palace for a few months to discuss the economic, and political affairs between the Fire Nation and the Water Tribe after nearly a century of war. He had become the Ambassador of the Water Tribe not too long ago at the ripe age of 19, and this meeting seemed like a good opportunity to gain hands on experience. It was, of course, but Sokka hadn’t expected to fall for the nation, never mind meeting two people who would bury themselves into his heart in that fateful trip.

~*^*~

The day Sokka met Suki happened to be the day he’d arrived at the palace. He was shaking with nervous energy, though it was underlaid with an odd thrill at the sight of the extravagant palace, and the opportunity held before him. He was practically bouncing on his feet, swinging a suitcase containing important documents for the meeting the next day. His other belongings had been shipped to the palace prior to his arrival, a custom extended to all traveling business people. The day was new, and he was ready to fix the relations between the two nations. Unfortunately, Sokka seemed to have forgotten the shift in time zones, and, since the Fire Nation was 13 hours ahead of the Water Tribe, had arrived at 3 in the morning.

Sokka had approached the palace with a thrumming energy, an energy that could brighten almost every room. The streets, however, were empty, aside from Sokka. The soft flames of the street lights bathing the pavement and surrounding shrubbery in a warm, sunset orange. He grew more suspicious the closer he got to the palace, the eerie quiet of the place finally registering. Hot, dry winds rustled the leaves, the feeling of eyes on him made his back crawl. He chalked up the concern to the wind, bouncing animatedly towards the large wood door that greeted him.

The palace was lavish, lined with portraits of the past Fire Lords, each adorning colors of fire and gold and ash. Sokka once again noted the lack of people, though the portraits felt like they were watching his every move, anyway.

It’s a bit odd that there aren’t any guards-

Fans flashed across his vision. A blur danced before him, spinning the fans in wide arcs, until they were caught in his torso. In an instant, Sokka was pinned on the floor, his back flat against the cold tile. A girl around his age, two fans placed at her hips, was on top of him, holding his arms, and feet to the ground.

“You’re awfully obvious for an assassin.”

She was fierce in her words, a tone of judgement laced within thinly veiled fury piercing through her voice. Sokka couldn't help but notice how personal that fury seemed, as though he had killed her baby sea turtle. The warrior’s tunic fluttered in the breeze brought in through the entrance Sokka hadn’t gotten the opportunity to close yet. Even though his life was probably in danger at the moment, he couldn’t help but feel mildly attracted to the girl who'd just kicked his ass. Yeah, his survival instincts may not have been the best.

Sokka shook himself out of his daze, finally registering the situation he was currently in. “Assassin? I’m not trying to assasinate anybody! The war is over, there is a Firelord who is not trying to cause mass genocide, things are great! No murder for me, thank you, I am only a humble representative of the Water Tribe-”

The warrior muffled him before he could finish his ramblings. Cautiously, she stood up, though she didn’t let go of Sokka’s arms, holding them behind his back.

“Alright, Firelord Zuko did tell us to expect the Ambassador of the Water Tribe to arrive soon, so I suppose I can let you go” she released his hands, a smirk lighting her face. “Besides, I doubt any assassin would be so bad at their job.”

“Hey,” Sokka raised a hand to his chest in mock offense. “I’d be a great assassin!”

The warrior laughed, the pale beams of the moon brushing her features in a soft light, almost as if they were glowing. Her dark hair, a difficult color to see in the dimness of the palace, shone auburn from where sconces held precious flames. She composed herself before stretching out a hand.

“Suki, head guard of the Fire Lord Zuko.”

Sokka clasped the warrior’s -Suki’s- hand in his own.

“Sokka, Ambassador of the Water Tribe.”

~*^*~

It would have all been alright if it had stopped there, if he had only fallen for Suki. Unfortunately, life didn’t seem to work like that. In the beginning, it seemed to be going pretty well, Sokka and Suki talking to each other before and after every meeting, even sneaking to the kitchens after everyone but the guards had fallen asleep. They’d laugh together, and steal dessert from each other’s plates, simply enjoying one another’s presence.

“Okay, so, tell me more about your life on Kyoshi Island. I want to learn more about you badass warrior ways.”

“Alright, but only if you give me your Bocchan Dango.”

Sokka pouted. In his time at the Fire Nation Royal Palace, he’d gotten quite attached to the dessert, but complied nonetheless, because a. he wanted to know more about the Kyoshi Warriors, and b. there was more dessert in the freezer.

Sokka smiled at the memory. It had been so simple when he’d thought he’d only fell for Suki.

But, of course, things could never be that simple.

During the weeks in which he’d stayed at the palace, Sokka had not only grown close to the guard, but had also managed to become friends (acquaintances? He wasn’t completely sure what it was called, but they definitely had held enthusiastic conversations in the hall multiple times) with the Fire Lord himself. Zuko was a better Fire Lord than Sokka could have ever imagined, and he enjoyed his company as a friendly face in the palace.

~*^*~

Sokka and Zuko’s budding friendship had begun during Sokka’s first meeting with the Fire Lord and the rest of the Council, the time passing in a discussion of rewriting the biased history, and attempting to establish plans in order to properly assist the nations affected due to the war. Sokka respected that about Zuko, the extent at which he was willing to go to right his wrongs, and he had left the meeting content with the plans discussed.

“So, I hear you attempted to assassinate me last night.”

A voice brought Sokka out of his thoughts, causing him to lift his head from its usual thinking pose (head turned down, and hand on his chin) to face Lord Zuko himself. It was a playful tone, the hint of a smile on his lips.

“I tried, but alas, your head guard is too good for my lowly assassin ways,” Sokka sent back a smile of his own.

“Suki told me you were horrible at it, though I don’t think ambassadors are trained in that sort of thing, so I guess it’ll pass.” He paused for a moment, continuing once more. “Your policies in that meeting seem to be really promising; I’ll be looking forward to working with you in the future, Ambassador Sokka.”

“As will I, Fire Lord Zuko.”

Eventually, their conversations moved to a more friendly tone, the two exchanging topics on the policies they were passionate about exploring, though Sokka’s problem hadn’t started then either. No, no, no, no, no, they had started the moment Zuko had showed up one night on Suki and Sokka’s kitchen story time sessions.

The night fell as it usually did, the two rushing to the kitchens an hour later then they usually did (Sokka may or may not have overslept). Suki pushed open the wooden doors, revealing the familiar room. A shadowy figure jumped, as Suki raised her hands in alarm, setting her feet in a fighting stance. Sokka, unwilling to let her fight alone, grabbed the nearest object next to him- which turned out to be a fork- and brandished the utensil as though it were a mighty sword.

“Wait, guys, it’s me.”

The figure moved out of the shadows, revealing the face of the Fire Lord himself. Suki immediately relaxed, arms falling to her side, as she leaned against the table beside her, a light smile on her face. Sokka dropped his fork and shot him a smile as well.

Zuko returned their greetings with an awkward wave. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t sleep,” he gestured vaguely. “I can leave if you-”

“No please, join us. We’d love to keep you company.”

To Sokka’s surprise, Suki was the first to answer. He had always assumed that neither Zuko, nor Suki knew each other well enough to be comfortable with this, but the casualness in her tone said otherwise. Huh. That explained why she was so protective towards Zuko when they’d first met, much deeper than simply a protector-protectee type way.

The three sat at a table, exchanging stories about each other, more personal than it had ever been with just Zuko or just Suki. They fell into a steady rhythm of sorts under the light of the comforting fire. Sokka told tales of how he’d always felt inferior to his talented friend group. Suki detailed her life in Kyoshi Island, and the members she’d lost during battle. Zuko kept the topic vague though, telling them about his banished mother, cruel father, and his sister, but never specifying much of anything. They didn’t push him to either, Sokka and Suki, and instead waited for him to come to them on his own.

The three continued meeting for the next few months, all of them opening up a bit more with each day, until they all found strength in their nights together. It was on one of those nights that Sokka had noticed the fire from the hearth lighting Zuko’s hair a burgundy, only a shade darker than Suki’s, noticed the crinkle of his eyes when he smiled, noticed the-sPIRITS ABOVE, HE LIKED THE FIRE LORD.

~*^*~

Sokka spent the next week partially panicking, and partially planning how to disclose this to the closest companions he’d had in years.

He’d already known he had liked Suki for a while, loved her fiery protectiveness, but he hadn’t thought to think that he’d like Zuko’s steady flame as well. He’d once heard the phrase, ‘A house divided could not stand,’ but this was different than that. This wasn’t a house divided, it was a heart having enough love that it could love two without lessening it for either. And he was absolutely, completely in love with them both. They may have only known each other for five months, but he still could feel a hole in his heart when he thought of leaving them. Sokka had fallen fast, and hard, that much was certain.

The day of his departure came closer by the day, and he couldn’t put this off any further. Worst case scenario, Sokka has to change his name to Wang Fire, get plastic surgery (or grow a beard, one of those two), adopt a child, erase all records of said adoption, and move to the Earth Kingdoms (one couldn’t be the ambassador of their country without having amazing plans).

Needless to say, he really hoped he didn’t have to resort to his backup plan.

Sokka had sent the letters out that morning, telling the messenger boy-Lee- to not send them until after the weekly palace break in debriefings. And so he waited by the duck pond, watching the water swirl with every paddle to drown out his thoughts.

“Hey, Sokka,” Suki had her arm around Zuko, the two approaching the pond to join him. “What did you want to talk about?”

Sokka took a deep breath, before speaking again. The whole story came out, his friendship with Suki, and how it evolved to romantic feelings. How Zuko had become close to them as well, and the day in the kitchen when Sokka realized his feelings for him as well. How he loved them both, unwaveringly, even though they’d known each other for five months.

“-and I get if you hate me now because of this, so it’s okay if you don’t want to talk to me any longer.”

Sokka had his eyes squeezed shut, preparing for the worst, but all he felt were two hands intertwining with his own.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re not going to leave you for this.”

It was Suki, her reassuring voice causing him to open his eyes.

Zuko, who had gently placed a hand on his shoulder, spoke next.

“We’re not going to leave you, not ever.”

There was a pause, a sense of relief spreading through Sokka. They didn’t hate him! Well, that plan went way better than he thought it would. He should have known, they were both so compassionate, and understanding, it would’ve been hard to see them not let him down gently.

Suki was the first to break the silence. “And for what it’s worth, I like you too. Both of you.”

Zuko gave a nod to them both before speaking as well. “I care about the two of you more than I thought I’d ever be able to care for a person.”

“So,” Sokka’s voice almost broke from emotion, “how are we supposed to do this?”

“I’m not sure,” Zuko said hesitantly, “but we’ll figure it out together.”

Suki reached over to grasp Zuko’s hand as well. “Together.”

And they sat there, enjoying each other’s presence, hand in hand. It was positively perfect… that is, until the ducks began getting annoyed over the lack of attention they were getting, and splashed the three of them as an act revenge.

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ettawritesnstudies · 4 years

Text

How I develop characters!

Requested by popular demand after I posted about how I outline - this is a process that goes hand in hand with the brain dumping/mapping part of the outlining because what’s a story without its characters? DISCLAIMER: This is just my process, I’m not claiming it’s the best or that everyone should do this or that it works for every project. So yeah! Without further ado.. How to Develop Characters:

Step 1: Brain Dumping

I call this guide “developing” characters as opposed to “creating” characters because I assume you’re starting with *some* idea of who these people are and what role they play in the story. Maybe you don’t, that’s ok too, but I’d suggest going back to the outline and figuring out how the story is going to work if the characters aren’t the ones driving it. During this stage, you’re going to be brainstorming and collecting your ideas into a word document, phone notes, voice memos, or back-of-hand-scribbles. At this point, daydreaming/making playlists/moodboards is all part of the development process. you get a pass

Step 2: Listing!

I’m a fan of outlines if you haven’t noticed, so I start filling out character questionnaires. But I found that a lot of ones online either go into *way too much extraneous detail* for what you need right now. You can figure out what their favorite color and flower are later on when you’re making up answers on the spot for STS, but for now, you need the important stuff. So I made my own list. and ironically enough, I’m putting it online: This is my breakdown. Then repeat this for every main character and an abridged version for any important side characters. I’ve got 7. This INCLUDES villains - they’re important too.

Character Name: (nicknames/epithets, if any, and how they got said nickname/epithet)

Category #1: Basics

Age:

Sex/Gender:

Race/Ethnicity/culture: if you’ve got fantasy races, go over to your worldbuilding document and figure that out first, if you’re writing something set irl, you’re going to want to do some research. Here you’re figuring out HOW this affects your character's mindset, not just filling in a label.

Appearance/physical details

Height

hair/eye color, general details

other important details like scars, birthmarks, disabilities, ect.

Clothing - this says a lot about the character, and doing some research/worldbuilding on fashion can help round out the realism of the story

Voice and mannerisms:

favorite sayings/catchphrases

slang?

Other general stuff can go here: a FANTASTIC character study for voice is the Prydain Chronicles. Eilonwy uses a ton of similies, Gurgi speaks exclusively in couplet rhymes, Fflewder is optimistic and Doli is pessimistic and they both have hilarious catchphrases. 10/10 recommend checking it out.

Backstory (go wild, just ask yourself “does it make sense with the plot and worldbuilding?”) If the characters are siblings or close friends they might have similar backstories, but make notes of how the characters still differ in how they view what went down.

Category #2: Relationships

Family: Discuss their personality (if they don’t have their own outline) and relationship to the MC. I know orphan/loner characters are popular and I love them as much as the next person but also please reconsider if it’s actually plot-relevant and sensible or if you’re being lazy because you don’t want to develop this section.

Dad

Mum

Siblings

extended family members if applicable

Friends:

Friend Name

Personality if they don’t have their own outline

How their friendship developed

Significance and relationship with MC

Repeat as needed

How the MC is generally perceived by his/her acquaintances

How the MC is generally perceived by strangers

Category #3: Romance

IF RELEVANT: Any past experience? Sexual Orientation? Do they want a relationship? Do they flirt? full disclaimer here, I’ve never actually done this so I’m probably not the best person to ask about this, but I’ve heard it’s imporant?? idk. you do you.

Category #4: Skills

General Skills: if they know art, fighting, other languages, ect, anything goes here. explain WHY they know that.

Smarts: either street smarts or capability to learn

Schooling: how much formal education have they actually had. Smart characters can flunk out of school and not stereotypically “smart” characters can do very well in school by pure stubbornness alone.

Occupation

Hobbies

Category #5: Personality - the fun stuff, this is where you start drawing connections to the plot. At each major decision, come back to this section and ask yourself “what would they decide based on the following? Why?”

Introvert or Extravert:

MBTI type

Hogwarts House:

Alignment like in DnD: (these first 4 things help me get a better idea of how they act on a day to day basis)

Strengths: there should be 3 of these at least. Here’s an excellent blog article on types of strengths. Your villains should have these too

Weaknesses: 3 here too. A combination of strengths and weaknesses helps make characters well rounded.

Goals/Dreams/Aspirations:

Beliefs/Affiliations:

Fears:

Insecurities:

Mental illness:

After the Story:

Role in the Story:

Motivation:

Memories:

What they would die for:

Song/Quote you associate with them

Step 3: Repeat for each character and Connect the Dots

At this point, your characters might have changed a lot (or a little) from your original concept. Now you’ve got to figure out how they change in the story. Where do they have room to grow? What lesson do they need to learn? What lie do they currently believe? The Overall Arc Goes Here, and you need to tie the main turning points in the plot to the main turning points in the character. Go back to the whiteboard and start connecting stuff. Connect stuff within the list. Their backstory should inform their personality. Their personality should inform their friendships and romantic lives. People are complicated and messy. The more red lines you can draw, the better.

Now go forth! Create! have fun! Thank you for reading :)

#writing advice #writing reference #writing ref #my process #character development #character creation #long post

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ace-and-aro-support-group · 4 years

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(1/2) hello! i was wondering if you got advice on how to overcome the isolation/loneliness that comes w being aspec in a romance-centric society/hookup culture and accepting yourself as whole without romantic love? im demi so i still long for a relationship, but i feel like there’s a massive wall between me and a romantic partner (i never had a crush, kissed anyone etc)

(2/2) i’m embarrassed that i can’t “keep up with” my friends esp for my age and a little jealous of what they are able to have so easily. i feel very isolated in my experience and at the same time as a woman that is (sometimes) attracted to men i feel like a Fraud in this community bc i don’t want to invade a space that isn’t mine :( sorry for this long ramble much love xxx

~~~

First of all, let me just assure you that you are not “a fraud.” There is not one unifying aromantic or arospec experience. We do not experience attraction like alloromantic people do, yes, but that is the only thing you need to be valid in arospec communities. Demi people are so valid and so important to the aro community, and as an aromantic person myself, I formally welcome you to the community. I hope you enjoy your stay.

That being said, the loneliness that can come from being arospec is tough. One crucial factor to feeling less lonely is learning over time that friendships and queerplatonic relationships (if you want one, that is) are just as fulfilling and loving and heartwarming as romantic relationships. It also helps to come out to your friends, family, or in an LGBTQIA+ group if there is one available to you. I know many people are not comfortable coming out, but if you feel safe doing so and think it could turn out well, I strongly recommend telling some friends. Even if they can’t relate, there is something so relieving about having someone know that romance does not come easy for you, and having someone there to say that that’s ok. If you don’t feel safe, or if you’re already out to your friends, interacting with other arospecs online and irl in LGBTQIA+ groups is a great way to meet other people who understand how you feel. In the very least, I understand how you feel.

As for romantic relationships, there is nothing to “keep up” with, despite what society tells us. We’re all going at our own paces, and that is perfectly fine. Some people find romantic love early on, some later in life, and some not at all. There’s nothing wrong with any of those outcomes. If a romantic relationship is what you want, though, I really think that you will get it, in time. I hope this was helpful to you. If you need any more advice or support, please let us know. We’re rooting for you.

-Kass

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serenagaywaterford · 5 years

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Hello, I really don’t know who to talk to but I’m realizing I’m a lesbian after identifying as bisexual since 2016, I came out to my parents and they’re both supportive and happy for me. I’m a highschooler and it’s awkward being gay and no one knowing as ppl tease me to date my guy friends. Any tips or advice in general on being a lesbian? It’s still so weird to talk about but I wanna grow to be very open with my sexuality

Been there. (I used to insist I was straight (for YEAAAAARS I was with the same guy), then bisexual cos I thought I had to be since I was “straight” and not particularly conflicted about it for so long. So it’s a process and a journey getting here no matter what, and everyone takes different routes.) And I’ll be honest, you’re way ahead of the game already. Good for you and you should be proud and happy with yourself for being so self-aware and in touch with yourself. That takes a lot of insight and courage.

I think generally… people will say a lot of things but until you are comfortable being around your friends and family as yourself, it’s never going to be easy. It’s not easy when you’re out either but at least you’re not stuck hiding who you are and adding that level of tension to every interaction. To be honest, I was never particularly comfortable with myself. Not even when I got married to another woman. (My issues with the institution of marriage aside…) But in my job I basically am forced to come out daily to complete strangers, constantly, with the words “my wife”. It gets way, way easier and I’m lucky enough to be in a place and a position that affords me that freedom. Not everyone is.

Are the people teasing you your friends? I mean, high school fucking sucks. I don’t even care how people want to romanticise it after the fact, or in media, or whatever. Even the best experiences are littered with a bunch of drama. We’re all idiots in high school and we all treat our friends like shit half the time, even our best friends. I didn’t have a bad time in high school. In fact, I’d say it was pretty good overall. (I wouldn’t do it again, mind you.) But still, the shit you put up with from friends is just excessive, and also the shit you give friends–or at least the shit I gave my friends lol. It’s just so… ugh.

So, I mean, without knowing much more about the situation, I would confide in my good friends. Unless, for some reason that endangers you in some way. And yes, unlike some hardcore people, I do think social ostracization in high school is damaging. I don’t buy into the whole “Well, if they don’t like it fuck them, all you need is you!” cos that’s bullshit. You DO need friends in high school, even if they’re not perfect friends, even if you won’t stay friends with them in a few years. Having social support is incredibly important and to be alienated completely is lonely and leaves you vulnerable, and you miss out on stuff too. I mean, if your friends are complete total assholes, then by all means, drop them cos that won’t help and you may be better off alone, but if they’re only sort of annoying, well… That’s life, lol. Until you get out of the fishbowl of high school and people being to calm the fuck down about every tiny drama, there aren’t a lot of options. I found my best friends annoying af sometimes, and some of them had views on certain subjects that fucking pissed me off. But hey, at the end of the day, we still got along and had a bond, and worst came to worst almost all of them would be there for me, and me for them, despite some differences.

Are those the type of friends you have? Or do you think your friends would turn on you if you confided in them?

It’s so lonely to hold onto a secret like that, and constantly put up with what I’m sure they think is harmless teasing about boys. It can hurt you, and god, it’s fucking irritating on top of everything else. And, I hate to say this, but that sort of thing NEVER ENDS. It gets less and less, but I’m literally married to a woman for like 2 years now and a dude friend of ours just last week asked us if maybe we both just hadn’t found the right men yet. And on the subject of sex, he said, “Well, how do you know if you haven’t tried it?” to my wife. Interestingly, she is not a gold star and knows very well what hetsex is like (she fucking HATES it on every imaginable level), but she’s just never volunteered that information for public consumption. Still, as you can see, you’ll always have stupid imbecile friends who say stupid ass comphet shit to your face, even when you are blatantly a lesbian. Unfortunately, it one of those things you just have to… learn to deal with. I hate that we must.

I know that’s not exactly helpful or hopeful, but it’s reality. So these dumb friends of yours, maybe they’re not doing it to be hurtful or annoying, they just genuinely think you like boys. There’s only really one solution to get them to stop (and even that isn’t going to be a guarantee) and that’s to come out to them–only if you can. Tell them how it makes you feel. Share with them what you’ve said to me. It’s hard enough to exist as a lesbian right now, let alone having to hide and be shamed for it. Friends should get that. But all of them may not…

I had one friend who was super open with her “sexuality” (she’s an attention whore, lbr.) who, when I told her finally that I think I wanted a girlfriend, she was super supportive. Then when the group of them were going to a gay club, I said I’ll tag along and she told me no. And her exact words: “You look too straight. Nobody will talk to you and I don’t want people to think I’m straight too.” (SHE IS STRAIGHT, just for the record. But she likes to steal girls’ boyfriends by doing threesomes, pretending to be into girls, threesomes, and poly, and then manipulating the boys into dumping their gfs. She also likes to breakup girlfriends just to prove she can. She has NEVER been in a relationship with a woman, only breaks lesbian couples up and then fucks off. She tried it with me and my girlfriend once. Nice friend. Just so we all know what she’s like.)

Note: These were my high school friends, and I was in my mid-20s at this point. We’d been friends for over a decade. And they still said shit like that. (And I mean, in some way, I get it cos when we’d go out to non-gay spots I’d get picked up by men CONSTANTLY, and women never looked at me that way. It was super aggravating.)

Which, it turns out, was her way of saying “You’re competition and I don’t want you around.” (and she’s obsessed with stereotypes), cos when I started going to gay clubs and parties with other friends who weren’t douchebags about it, NOBODY judged me like that. And I remember meeting my wife for the first time and telling her that story and she was just like “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS?! You do look super straight but I like you and I’m super gay”. And then she took me to a lesbian bar, and I didn’t change a thing about myself, and was picked up by all sorts of girls, and really hit it off with the cutest butch girl I’ve ever seen to this day. (It didn’t end up going anywhere but still, it was nice to learn that sometimes your friends are just insecure assholes.) It really is dependent on who they are, where you live, etc. etc. And those are only things you know. I can’t comment on what the best course of action is without knowing the nitty gritty.

SO, that’s a long way of saying, people suck. Even your friends sometimes. It’s going to be difficult for a while as you weed those sorts of people out of your life. Being an open lesbian is rocky, especially at first when everything is sorta all over the place. But it does settle down, and you make better friends. And since your parents are supportive that is a HUGE hurdle you don’t have to deal with, which is absolutely AMAZING :) It’s so nice to hear.

But if you’re not able to come out and get support IRL, that’s fine too. My advice is what you’ve already done :) Come online and reach out to older lesbians. They’re the ones with the experience. If it wasn’t for the older lesbians in my life (either online or IRL that I met, including my wife), I’d be so much more insecure. I would probably still be walking around feeling a lot of shame, embarrassment, anxiety, shyness, confusion, etc.

But there’s something comforting about talking with women who have lived the same struggles, and hear about all the paths they all took and the ways they’ve dealt with specific issues. And they’re generally more calm, more realistic, and more compassionate than other baby dykes who aren’t in a privileged, secure position yet. Not that there is anything wrong with bonding with others of the same age. That is also INCREDIBLY important because those experiences will directly reflect your own, and there’s built-in support with peers. The things older lesbians have been through may not translate as well for you. A lot of us didn’t have the same pressures of social media, etc. But we also didn’t have the same online resources available either. So, it’s an interesting balance. I will say my friendship with my best friends from university (one is a lesbian too, one is straight as an arrow but a huge ally) are just as important cos age is a factor.

You can get insight from older women, but you need peer bonds too.

Online I think is very important nowadays, especially when you’re not able to go to spaces like gay clubs and bars yet. And surround yourself with positive lesbian representation. If that whole soft cottagecore thing does it for you, keep that in your orbit. But also never be ashamed or fearful of the sexual part of your sexuality. Just like it’s natural to romantically love women, it’s natural for lesbians to physically love them too.

I feel like as toxic overall as tumblr is, there are corners of it that have been incredibly supportive and nurturing even to me. Especially lesbian positivity blogs and women’s arts, etc. Poetry written by lesbians is beautiful and inspiring to me. It’s a whole genre I had no idea existed, and that has given me a great deal of peace because I can finally relate to words. Music, written and performed by gay and bisexual women is the same. It may seem trivial or cheesy, but it’s powerful to hear about women like you in songs. I have to say Mary Lambert, for one example, helped so much. I remember listening to Alix Olson in secret too when I was much younger (maybe that should have been something of a hint to myself, lol.) King Princess and Girl In Red are current faves, Saara Aalto, Shura and Brandi Carlile are a constant faves I always love (not that I even knew that about Brandi’s sexuality til recently cos I apparently live under a fucking rock lol), but I have whole lists now and it’s wonderful to have taht access.

When you’re all alone, seeking out lesbian musicians and writers can make so much difference in easing that isolation, and confusion, and fear. They speak to you and about us, as a whole. It’s affirming and less lonely.

Same goes for well-written fanfiction. Things that avoid the drama of fandom (cos there’s so much drama even when you have canon f/f pairings), because fandom is really just microcosms of society at large with all the same morons in it. But fanfic was such an escape where I could learn and explore all the things that most everywhere wouldn’t show me. TV shows touched on it (especially back 10 years ago there was like nothing), but fanfic made it real.

Even when you’re feeling secure, I think it still helps to have all the representation we can, and just… you know, revel in it.

Do not watch porn. Don’t. It’s awful and horrible and not at all realistic. A well-written fanfic by actual gay or bi women is way more helpful. Avoid porn at all costs. It will never teach you anything your body doesn’t already know about how to be with a woman (although I’m sure for you this isn’t a pressing concern at the moment). I just know that I made the mistake of it, and also stupid ass magazine/how to articles. Ignore ALL that junk. When you get a girlfriend there’s only ONE thing you need to know how to do, and that is communicate honestly. Everything else falls easily into place.

When you say it’s so weird to talk about it, I feel that. It took me YEARS to even really be able to comfortably say the word, especially in relation to myself. That feeling will pass. It’ll take time and don’t push yourself into any sort of thing you’re not ready for. You’ll feel weird about it probably, and that’s on society, not you. “Lesbian” still does have a stigma attached to it that a lot of people are afraid of or dismissive of. Just… try your best to tune that out. That’s all you can do. You’ll feel comfortable eventually. :) Give it time. You’re already doing well. The fact you can say it to me, even as anon, is beautiful.

You’ll be very open one day if that’s what you want and being a lesbian, and being seen as one, will be second nature. I mean if I think about myself at 20 and now, there’s a very big difference. I used to shy away from so many things, and dress particular ways to avoid things, now I’m definitely not giving nearly as many fucks. Also, I’ll say here that I own a bar. It’s not a gay bar, but almost every day we’re open, at least one lesbian couple will come in. And honestly my heart grows so big and warm every single time. (Gay men come in too, ofc.) But there’s something particularly ecstatic in me that I get to see that everyday. (I don’t actually have many gay friends at all.) I love the openness and acceptance and comfort. And I love telling people there that I own it with my wife, and see people’s faces light up. (Some don’t… but, meh, that’s real life too. I’ve had a few shitty fucking people come in too.) There are a lot more lesbians and bi girls around than we probably know. :)

You are not alone. Even if it’s only talking to people online, you’re never alone.

And never get discouraged that other people seem to having an easier or better time at it. Everyone moves differently, and for some it is easier, some it’s way more difficult but that doesn’t mean you need to pressure yourself, or change. I took my way exceptionally slowly and awkwardly, but ya get there eventually if you surround yourself with genuine people.

It sounds cliche but it does get easier talking about yourself as a lesbian as long as you surround yourself with positive lesbian content/people, and it takes practice (sometimes a lot of it as I’ve learnt), especially dealing with internalized stuff. But you’ll get there. You’re still super young and you have so much ahead. :D

I don’t have specific personal advice about how to handle it all in high school cos I didn’t have to deal with that. Just that there’s a whole world outside high school, even though it may not feel that way sometimes. If you’re in a small town or in a country where it’s not accepted, you’ll have a harder time finding love but it is ALWAYS possible, somehow. Never feel like there is nobody at all. There is. There’s some cute, hot, smart, interesting girl somewhere that will be into you as much as you’re into her. It’s just a matter of time til you find each other. If nothing else, in the mean time, you can form friendships and bond with people online in various ways.

I wish somebody had told me in my teen years that it’s possible to be in love with a woman, that I’m going to kiss girls one day and suddenly everything else is going to make sense and feel right after so long of things not quite fitting together, that it’s just as possible to be fulfilled with a woman as it is with a man. I wish someone would have told me I’d be loved by a woman in ways that nothing else would ever match. That I’d touch women and feel at peace with myself, and being intimate with them will change my whole life, and it’s something I was meant to do and feel. That loving women will help me love myself in a way that I never realised, and that just goes back and forth forever cos if you love yourself, loving other people is so much easier. And not to fight that cos I’m too scared to face the not so nice parts about being out. Bad shit is gonna happen no matter what, but better stuff will make up for it. I wish someone had told me that “lesbian” isn’t a bad word (I grew up with a lot of homophobia everywhere, including my family), and that I will cringe when people call me that initially but that should force myself to use it at first, cos it’ll get way better and feel right the sooner that happens. It is what I am, and I can’t avoid it forever. Own it. Cos as soon as you do, the sooner they can’t use it against you the same way anymore. But nobody said any of that to me.

And never, ever let anybody ever guilt, shame, manipulate, or pressure you into anything you don’t feel is right for you or your body. You’ll feel it deep down what you want and need, and what you don’t want and don’t need. Don’t ignore that. Don’t let anybody talk, guilt, scare, or shame you out of that. It may be hard but you already seem very strong and self-aware.

You’re not thinking wrong, you’re not made wrong. There’s a lot of that around in our society and lesbophobia is very alive still, everywhere.

You don’t need to find the “right man”. Ever. There’s no perfect high school boyfriend waiting for you if you’re a lesbian. There’s a girlfriend waiting for you. More than one, probably! You’ll love many women throughout your life and they’ll return it back to you. You’ll have friends that love you and support you. And when you say, “I’m a lesbian” it’ll roll off your tongue as easily as your name. Or your wife’s name. :) And you won’t feel any twinges of awkwardness or shame.

I wish you nothing but love and kindness, anon. Xx

And, also, anybody can ask me anything, btw. I generally really fucking suck with advice but my askbox is always here, if anybody needs it.

#Anonymous #baby lesbians are my fav precious beans and i am here for you 100000%#tho i am hardly an expert tbh. just an idiot finding her way through it all too.#long post

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glarehand · 4 years

Text

ranting a bit here bc as little as i interact w/ the rp community, largely due to focus issues, depression, and anxiety, i really do appreciate my mutuals, especially in light of being in different fandoms where things’ve happened and i just. Angery

so under the cut is a funny? irritating? text-wall about some star wars related stuff i’m bothered by lol

1. shipping; i like shipping. it’s fun, it’s interesting, i get to explore things in fiction that i don’t want to as strongly or at all irl as an aroace person, etc. first problem; i ship the clones bc i viewed them as, well, clones. an aggrandized version of that buzzfeed poll abt fucking clones, if u will. i view them as “brothers” in a wartime/militaristic sense because they’re... they’re clones. they’re the same person a million times that post-cloning, sought out ways to enhance their originality (tattoos, interests, etc) past their voices, abilities, personalities, and so on. they have originality but that isn’t compromised by their existence as people based off the same template.

some people interpret them as literal brothers which is fine too! i only consider jango fett the father of boba fett/boba fett the son of jango fett, despite boba also being a clone. especially in mandalorian culture, adoption is as valid as blood, and boba fett’s relationship to jango fett absolutely strengthens this but it’s unique in that jango adopts one son/views the clones as the jedi army separate from himself and his son/dies without having any particular association with them.

but still, regardless, i can understand why people interpret them that way and i don’t have a problem with it and enjoy peoples’ differing interpretations. but when someone mentions that shipping the clones is undeniably incest (disregarding that cloning = incest is not by any means something that can be overlapped from fiction to real life so easily? it’s sci-fi so we also shouldn’t be seeking out real life parallels to things nor considering those parallels so hard proven?) it’s like... can you shut up for two seconds LOL like it... they’re... i don’t know how to explain to you that trying to draw hard lines between things unique to sci-fi and things in real life doesn’t work as flawlessly as that. if so, we could easily turn any other media into sci-fi or any sci-fi content into slice-of-life, deciding that of course the clones would be a million literal brothers and lightsabers would be 1000 degree knives and half the aliens would just be animals- like that’s stupid and disregarding the uniqueness of the media (though i adore aus- this isn’t a dig at aus or canon divergence bc that’s literally all i do)

and outside of some specific posts i’ve seen abt this, a groupchat i was in mentioned no rule abt this or any other ship related issues, meaning that i was existing inside the chat but with this heinous feeling secret? like i felt i either had to out myself for something someone else had decided was wrong or continue existing in the chat but not get too close to anyone, out of fear of a friendship being suddenly terminated over something as foolish as character interpretation (which can and should exist separately, at once).

in addition to the internal shipping/not shipping the clones debate, was clone/jedi shipping, preferred ships, and what this means in regards to what was left in terms of shipping options, if that was something someone wanted to engage in (which i do, and that they did as well)

2. for clone/jedi shipping, i understand the possible issues of a power imbalance or how the relationships are portrayed in media-only. but at the same time and as is mentioned above, we have to suspend our belief a bit for fiction, especially with sci-fi. the militaristic/war aspect of star wars is the point of that media; it doesn’t seek to glorify or mimic real life roles (ahsoka is a general at 14, amongst other things; that in particular allows for kids to feel like they’re part of the show, like they could do be a jedi and save people at age 14, because what would be the fucking point of it if we showed only adults saving the world/14 year olds with only 14 year old responsibilities? to an extent, it’s an escape and while it’s odd writing to hold ahsoka to the standards of mace, obiwan, even anakin, it should at least be a fantastical opportunity for self-insertion/daydreaming to an extent) it has a strong focus on rebellion which can be applied in non-physical/non-warlike ways, and isn’t without the fictitious aspect of fucking laser swords and telekinetic manipulation. the wartime aspects of star wars don’t need to be followed as closely as real life regulations and expectations; if done that way, even leia and han as a ship would involve a power dynamic seeing as he technically becomes a part of the rebellion under her leadership.

in terms of 3. show-only content and the above about power imbalances, that’s what fanfiction is for. in general and in relation to that chat, full of creators and writers and so on, fanfic is for elaborating on given content, filling in content that hasn’t been given, and for rewriting things you feel have been done wrong, artistically or just because you don’t like it. an example for me is barriss offee’s arc and timeline; not only does her timeline in the prequels differ from her timeline in the clone wars show but her character seemed to be thrown away so easily, her actions made out of character in addition to her fate being the opposite of what it had been in “higher” canon. there’s also the very valid interpretation of how bad it was that the show made the muslim-coded character a terrorist BUT even disregarding people’s headcanons of her as a muslim woman and just focusing on it in a sci-fi sense, it seemed very out of character, done just to create an antagonist and an opportunity for ahsoka’s development and disillusionment with the jedi/council so of course people gravitate to rewriting her arc/redoing her character/adhering to a mix of the canons, and so on. not that people who view canon as the most important aspect of a work are wrong but like, even fanfic that adheres to canon is in a way diverging from it; if what someone creates isn’t exactly how it happened on screen, canon-compliant, involves no ulterior emotions or added scenes, it’s based on interpretation.

people who invest themselves in ships that have no basis (4) were also mentioned and that’s just as valid a part of creating. i understand in some cases, people will ship anyone together knowingly or unknowingly to fetishize gay relationships but it’s not a sin to decide you want to see two characters interacting more or want to elaborate on what canon didn’t discuss or want to create backstories and relationships out of the blue OR just outright decide you have two favorite characters and want to explore them together, even in just an nsfw sense.

so being anti clone/clone, anti jedi/clone, and anti any characters that don’t really interact is not only dictating what ships are “right” and “wrong” based on one’s own interpretation and willingness to strictly adhere to canon but what other options are you giving us to ship the clones???

again, not that nonromantic story aspects and single character discussion isn’t important but romance and romance options are important to people and if presented and possible, people shouldn’t be prevented from doing it just because people think it’s wrong with no legitimate basis OR don’t allow people to warp canon (especially canon they don’t like or think is contradictory and out of character) to suit what they wish to explore.

there was one option left though and i dislike the new association i have in my head of it now because of all the problems above, though i assume it wasn’t done on purpose: 5. disregarding in-show shipping possibilities for self inserts

i love self inserts and my love for them has been amplified by the chat i was in, making me feel more confident in doing it myself and i am very happy with that in that i can have more love for myself in writing myself and shipping myself with someone else. but it was odd that all other possibilities were almost struck down in favor of self inserts; if cloneshipping was automatically incest, disregarding that that’s not the conclusion everyone had come to? that my brain just didn’t assume it because it’s a sci-fi only situation?, jedi/clone ships were unhealthy and based off of power imbalances/characters not truly caring for one another, and shipping characters together for the fun of it had no value as characters apparently had to know one another enough/there had to be validity in it, the only option left was to rewrite canon but only for one’s own purposes, valid only in this one case.

that just annoyed my mildly and i know it most likely wasn’t intentional but overall, i’ve felt unable to have headcanons or do certain things at the risk of being visibly mocked for it; having different faves and ships and interpretations and kinks are all parts of people’s varying fandom experiences and to have people talking about how much they don’t like that on a very visible separate discord channel where i could go in and see? and just hope that something i adored wasn’t next? is not fun at all and genuinely impacted me to where i don’t really want to have fun with people i’d liked before, where i don’t really want to post and create like i was doing when i didn’t know people were deciding based on preferences what was morally appropriate.

one of the rules in the chat was essentially that anyone could have any fave character but that discourse still stood; yes but sometimes i just want to like a character or ship? without having to preface it with how i know x thing was bad and that i don’t condone it.

kain highwind is my favorite final fantasy character- i don’t want to have to justify my love for him, in situations where i know he was in the wrong and in situations where i think the canon content contradicted other canon descriptions of him, creating two images of who they wanted him to be; i interpret him as i interpret him and it’s unique and dear to me.

a lot of the time, i want to create and appreciate without having to make it right for someone else’s interpretation. i don’t want to approach a groupchat or even single person friendship assuming i’m going to have to defend my favorites as ultimately a representation of myself. when i do hold my favorites close to me as extensions of me, i don’t want to have to pit myself against someone else as if i’m invalid for how i feel and interpret and am.

in general, things quickly became not fun at all and i felt alienated by an entire group all at once. like it fucking SUCKS to feel like you’ve lost 6? potential friends in one place, 3 in another, in addition to having to be wary from now on when engaging with anyone else in that fandom and after losing two friends in real life over disagreements, both times because i was misinterpreted and had to then reconsider myself especially in relation to my mental illnesses and my neurodivergency. to then feel disliked for something as stupid as shipping preferences feels as it is- foolish and embarrassing and ridiculous.

i would like to make friends but i would like for friendships in fandom to stop being so circumstantial, especially on trivial things

#misc #personal post lol #i lost where i was partway thru i think so i'm sorry if it stops makign sense but i am frustrated lol #i'm mostly over it now but i #it feels weird to like see ppl i wanna talk to but feeling like i'm not allowed to bc of something this fucking dumb

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hqcentineo-blog · 6 years

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A P P R E C I A T I O N W E E K — NOV. 2018

“ F r i e n d s become our chosen f a m i l y. ”

To the mods — thank you. for all you do, for all the hard work and sacrifice you put in so that we can have a safe space to write with our friends. high enough praise can’t be given. thank you a million times over. @hollywoodlandhq

To Ally — my sister from another mister. we share a brain & it’s awesome. the friendship we’ve formed - although it was formed long ago, we just didn’t realize it *coughmileyxdylancough* lmao - has quickly become something so important to me that i don’t know how i ever functioned without it. the only thing i love more than writing out precious children with you is our chats out of character. whenever i have a bad day or hell, even a whole bad weekend, i know that i can log on and that you’ll make me feel better instantly. i’m so glad i finally watched the fosters & that my need for more noah/maia interaction led me to you. @hqmaia

To Vic — one of my oldest rp friends. you’ve seen me through thick and thin and i think the only thing more beautiful than our friendship is noah & cierra’s. i’ve gone to you with some of the craziest shit this weird brain of mine has come up with & never once did you laugh me out of the room or write me off. i don’t know if that says more about you or me but whichever it is, i’m beyond grateful for our friendship that just keeps getting better with age. @cierrahq

To Kingsley — i’m so glad that you worked up the courage to im me first (bc we both know full well that i was never going to be the one to bother you) because charmila is eVeRyThInG. and we shant forget the time that we /really/ bonded over a certain twitter video(s) which instantly sent our friendship up like 5 million levels. i don’t want to talk about it for fear of getting a lil hot n bothered but know that it was /quite/ the friendship former and i am so glad that you & i will forever share that experience. we saw things, man. it changed us. for the better...i think? @jfcmelton

To Charlie — another one of my age old friends. at the risk of sounding FIVE THOUSAND years old, i literally watched you grow up. i cherish our friendship so so much and it makes my heart so happy to see you out there killing the game, chasing your dreams, and owning it. i can always count on you for an ego boost and a kind word or two. @emilybettrickrds

To Bonnie — my bonbon. you are truly one of the sweetest humans i’ve never met. i mean, who tf sends a handmade christmas card all the way to hawaii along with the sweetest note i’ve ever read? things like that really make an impact on me & i hope you know how much i value the friendship we’ve built. your influence on me and my writing is something that i will forever be grateful for. and getting the chance to ship with you? priceless. @hyfdanielle

To Becca — another one of my lifers. despite all the unnecessary and idiotic bullshit that seems to come your way, you have never been anything but kind, understanding, and wonderful in all the years i’ve known you. you put your heart and soul into every one of your muses and it is absolutely inspiring. the dedication you’ve shown is something that i look to as an example and the creativity that you have is something of an aspiration to me. thank you for teaching me how fulfilling hard work in the name of a passion can be. @liliisms

To Rose — we’re connected!!! irl!!! who knew that would /ever/ be something that could possibly happen. out of aaaall the people in this big, wide world...the fact that we managed to find a mutual connection is nothing short of a miracle & a sign that we were always meant to be friends. even though i’m old enough to be your grandma (it’s fine, it’s cool, i’m fine...). i adore you & your writing & your muses, each and every one of ‘em. keep shining, you star. @joekcery

To KJ — you are literally the reason i came back to writing. i was nervous in the aftermath of things but a few simple texts from you & any hesitation was out the window. i couldn’t pass up the chance to round out the riv gang and i knew, if you were happy here, i would be happy here as well. our personalities just click and have since day one; it’s a true gift that i’ll always be thankful for. also, our love for ryan guzman’s face will forever bond us (have you /seen/ the new season of 911? HOT. DANG.). love you long time, honey. @kjapayo

To Emily — thank you for helping me keep track of our threads because anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that i’m a super mega scatter brain who is very bad at juggling multiple things & would lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her body. that said, i absolutely adore our cami/troian friendship to bits. they’re the cutest thing since newborn puppies & i’m very grateful for each and every chance i have to interact with you. @itstbellisario

To Sadie — i will never have a bigger brotp than nat & gi. they were cute af fam! not only are you an incredible writer who puts incredible amounts of effort into all her muses, you’re a fantastic admin & i’m so grateful to have you (and the rest of the admin team) at the helm of this machine. each chance i have to write against you makes me a better writer so thank you. @ohlizzo

To the rest of this lovely, little ohana — for those who don’t know, i took a few months off from writing in a group setting on tumblr over the summer. partially due to a bit of drama in the tumblr rp sphere but mostly due to a stressful solo teaching job that took every second of my life to successfully accomplish (6th, 7th, and 8th graders are no joke, y’all). but once the dust settled and i returned to my normal, far less stressful autumnal job, i came back in search of a new place to call home. thankfully, i heard whisperings of a safe space that had been set up by a few names that were familiar to me and i knew i had to throw my name into the ring. so to those i’ve known for a while from past places, i’ve enjoyed every minute back in your ranks. to those newer who found a home here in this place, i’m so glad you did. i’m glad you found us. to everyone, thanks for being here. happy six months, hollywoodland!

#hwlappreciation2018 #i'm sorry i don't have time to tag everyone #but know this extends to each & every one of you #even if we've never spoken #i'm grateful that you're here with us :)#okay imma go home before i get weepy at work #be back online in an hour or so

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