they should go on a fishing trip pt.1

LotR Marathon

I've never seen the LotR movies or read the books so I figured it's about time. My mom has always loved the books and kept trying to get me to read them. I read The Hobbit in 4th grade, then could not get through The Fellowship of the Ring, but decided to give it another shot now, so I re-read The Hobbit and read the entire trilogy, and I really enjoyed them! After that, we watched all of The Hobbit movies, and are now planning to marathon all of The Lord of the Rings movies (extended editions) with friends, and 7 hobbit meals (all vegetarian). We made most of the food ahead of time and froze it so there will be very little cooking the day of. Our planned date got postponed because we caught covid but we're hoping to do it soon!

Edit now that we did it! : I updated with a few changes based on what we actually did. In total, it took us about 13 hours with all the breaks for food. We were exhausted by the end and so stuffed, but we made it and had a great time!

1. Breakfast: Full English Breakfast (veg British style Baked Beans, vegan sausage, vegan bacon, fried eggs, sauteed mushrooms, pan fried tomatoes, toast)

2. Second Breakfast: Lembas

3. Elevenses: Potato Soup for Sam (omit the bacon or use veg bacon)

4. Luncheon: Pork Pies (to make it vegetarian: for the meat we used 3x Impossible beef and 1x Lightlife Sausage since Impossible sausage has garlic powder and someone coming couldn't have garlic, for the dough we used vegetable shortening, and for the jelly we used agar agar and veg broth)

5. Tea: Seed Cake, Beorn's Honey Cakes (made this into two small loaf cakes instead), also bought mini scones from Wegman's (Vanilla, blueberry, and orange cranberry) and served with clotted cream and jam (raspberry and orange marmalade)

6. Dinner: Tom Bombadil's - "yellow cream and honeycomb, and white bread, and butter; milk, cheese, green herbs, and ripe berries gathered" - we set out all of these, clotted cream as "yellow cream", butter, bread, 4 different cheeses (blueberry vanilla goat cheese, red dragon cheddar, "bree", and coastal cheddar), blueberries and raspberries, basil, sage, rosemary, thyme, and milk.

7. Supper: Farmer Maggot's - "a mighty dish of mushrooms and bacon" (used vegan thick cut bacon found here, fell apart a lot but still tastes good)

Foraging and Cultivation: How to Eat the Weeds Without Bugging the Bees

All photos in this article are taken by me. You can view my gallery here.

Here's some information for adventurous eaters.

Some people are understandably wary about eating foods that they can't get from a grocery store. Between concerns about animal feces and pesticides to stories about mushroom poisoning and death, we can all agree that it's not wise to just go outside, grab a healthy-looking berry, and shove it down your gullet. There is a right way to forage, and as a foraging veteran, I'm going to take you through some of the most important information you need to start your own foraging journey.

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The Universal Edibility Test

The first, and maybe most important, thing I want to talk about is, of course, how to avoid poisoning or death. Even if what you eat is not inherently poisonous, you can also be allergic to things it would never occur to a doctor to test you for. So, let's discuss best practices for gathering wild plants to prevent injury/death. Luckily, those who came before you have developed a great process for not getting killed while foraging.

Note that this is NOT a safe method for testing the edibility of mushrooms, which are much more difficult to identify and require a lot of study and experience. I may write another article regarding mushroom foraging at a later date, but it's very dangerous so for the purposes of this article, we are only going to discuss plants.

Pink springbank clovers are a tasty and vivid addition to a fresh salad.

"The U.S. Army created the Universal Edibility Test to help soldiers identify poisonous vs. edible plants while out in the field. The test is a standard in the U.S. Army Survival Field Manual ATP 3-50.21, and it appears in the SAS Survival Handbook written by former British Army officer and survival expert John Wisemen." - From GreenBelly.co

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The "Universal Edibility Test" is, as the name suggests, a method for determining the safety of consuming a plant you are unfamiliar with. Here is a very good, simple explanation of the way test works, via Backpacker:

1. Separate the plant into its various parts—roots, stems, leaves, buds, and flowers. Focus on only one piece of the plant at a time. 2. Smell it. A strong, unpleasant odor is a bad sign, as is a musty or rotting odor. Keep a special lookout for pear- or almond-like scents, which can be evidence of cyanide. 3. Test for contact poisoning by placing a piece of the plant on your inner elbow or wrist for 8 hours. If your skin burns, itches, feels numb, or breaks out in a rash, wash off your skin and don’t eat the plant. 4. If the plant passes the skin test, prepare a small portion the way you plan to eat it (boiling is always a good bet). 5. Before taking a bite, touch the plant to your lips to test for burning or itching. If there’s no reaction after 15 minutes, take a small bite, chew it, and hold it in your mouth for 15 minutes. If the plant tastes very bitter or soapy, spit it out and wash out your mouth. 6. If there’s no reaction in your mouth, swallow the bite and wait 8 hours. If there’s no ill effect, you can assume this part of the plant is edible. 7. Repeat the test for other parts of the plant; some plants have both edible and inedible parts. Starting to feel sick? Time to bring it up.

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Plant Identification

I would also like to add that if you are unsure of the species of plant you are about to eat, make sure you keep some of it in case you need to have it identified in order to get treatment. Additionally, always have a friend or family member check on you after eating something unfamiliar or questionable so they can call an ambulance or poison control if necessary. Follow the instructions of medical personnel and do not try to induce vomiting or drink water or milk to dilute poison unless advised by a medical professional. Keep updated medical information in your wallet on your person for emergency personnel to reference.

A good identification photo contains as much detail about the plant as possible, including the shape/texture of the leaves, the flowers, stems, and fruit.

Of course, and as the article points out, the single best way to avoid poisoning is to make a positive ID on the plant before consuming it. Plant identification is a challenging skill, but one that is very fun to learn. Some plants look different depending on the season. Some look poisonous, but are perfectly safe. Some may just give you a stomachache or taste awful. Others might look gross, but taste quite good. I'll provide some examples of good eats that are common and easy to identify at the bottom of this article.

How should you go about identifying a plant, though? There are a lot of ways to do it. For my part, I recommend getting a second opinion as often as possible. Take a picture of every part of the plant; the leaves, flowers if there are any, and the roots. Take note of the color of the sap. The more mature a plant is, the easier it is to identify. Share the pictures on a platform such as iNaturalist to get opinions and identification assistance from experts in the field. You can also view thousands of pictures of plants, look up the species commonly found near you, and find out which plants are invasive and which are native to your area. Pl@ntNet is another similar platform. You can also download mobile apps to identify plants on the go. iNat has a particularly good one.

From there, it's pretty easy to Google the name of the plant + edibility. If the answer is 'yes', please make sure you confirm which parts of the plant are edible. It is common for some parts to be edible and for others to be inedible/poisonous, as with some nightshades (where the fruit or root is edible, but the leaves and stems are not; ex: potatoes, tomatoes). The USDA Natural Resources Conservation Service provides this very informative guide. Masterclass also provides a handy checklist for plant identification.

In general, to positively ID a plant with the most possible accuracy, you need to make a note/take a picture of these things:

The location and season in which you found the plant.

Any distinct characteristics on stalks and branches.

The size, shape, and arrangement of the leaves.

The characteristics of any fruits and flowers on the plant.

Any barbs or hairs on the plant, known as trichomes.

The root system, needed to determine if the plant grows from rhizomes, bulbs, or tubers.

Get a second and third opinion whenever possible. With time and practice, you'll start to notice the otherwise subtle differences between many kinds of plants, and you'll learn about some surprising relationships between them.

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Ethical Foraging Guidelines

Of course, just because we've found a tasty weed outside doesn't mean we should run out and pick every instance of it we find. There is an ethical--and, importantly, legal--way to forage. If we just go around picking every plant in the hopes of eating it, we're robbing wildlife of their meals. Many pollinating species of bees, beetles, and butterflies rely on specific plants for eating and hosting their eggs, so we need to minimize how much of that we take from them. The USDA NRCS also has a good guide for protecting pollinators when farming and landscaping, but the rules are a bit different when it comes to foraging, since we're going into their habitats and messing with things rather than the other way around.

When foraging, it is important to be considerate of pollinators that help the plants we eat grow and propagate.

First and foremost, learn about your local environment. You can learn a lot about your area using this handy tool from the US Environmental Protection Agency.

Next, learn from the experts by asking staff at local regional and state parks about the legality and availability of foraging foods. Many have free educational events and classes that explore the subject and help you broaden your understanding of the environment in general. You can pick up a lot of good local wisdom from these events. If you do not have access to these services, however, you can also do some online classes here, here, and here.

Plan ahead. Chart a course and make sure you have everything you need. I always bring water, a small cooler, a pair of sharp, clean plant shears, a spade, a pocket knife, a small garbage bag for cleaning up litter, and an extra battery for my camera. Dress appropriately for the weather. Make sure your phone is charged and people know where you are and when to worry if they don't hear from you. Carrying bear spray on you doesn't hurt either, although do please remember to consider the direction of the wind so you don't accidentally spray yourself instead.

Do your due diligence in identifying the plant and investigating its status before just picking it. Ideally, you should choose a couple of species you already know to be edible and just pick those while you are out. It is wasteful and damaging to the environment to pick plants you don't recognize, only to find out you've pulled a rare native plant that certain species rely on to survive.

Harvest conservatively. Take only what you are certain you will eat, because every plant you take means many meals fewer will be available for local wildlife.

Leave the place better than you found it. If you notice trash, pick it up and dispose of it in the proper receptacles. Do not litter, do not attempt to alter the landscape (chopping down trees, burning or clearing "undesirable" plants, taking rocks, etc.), do not disturb dens or nests, and don't drive or walk off of the path. Soil compaction is a real thing.

Know the law regarding what is legal to pick and where it is legal to pick from. Some state and regional parks only allow foraging at certain times, and many do not allow it at all.

Devon Young goes into a little more detail on Learning Herbs.

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Transplanting Wild Edibles

When it comes to ethical foraging though, perhaps the single most ethical thing you can do is just grow these plants yourself. You can easily order seeds online that you can plant and grow in a pot or in your yard. Some of them are quite beautiful and most are very easy to grow. If you don't want to order them online, consider collecting seeds instead, but please remember to limit what you take so that the plants are able to properly propagate in the wild. You can learn how to harvest seeds from this article by Michigan State University.

I strongly encourage anybody interested in foraging to

It is also possible to transplant weeds. You may find a weed you like on a neighbor's lawn, and with their permission, you can dig it up and plant it in your own yard. Here's a cool video from Youtube that shows you how to do just that.

Avoid doing this with weeds from parks and other wild areas, however, because the further the plants have to travel before they are planted the less likely they are to survive, and that is wasteful. If you bring a pot and some soil, they may travel longer if you replant them right away.

Also, do be aware of the environment you are taking them from, as you obviously do not want to eat any plants that have been serving as a neighborhood dog or cat's latrine. A good place to take them from is your own backyard, provided you follow the above guidelines. Gathering and growing seeds wild circumvent this issue.

Always wash plants thoroughly before consumption. That will also help you avoid accidentally consuming any bugs.

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And that's it! That's how you can forage and eat adventurously without making a mess and disrupting your environment.

If you're from the east bay area/northern California, I can share some of my favorite weeds to eat.

Broadleaved Pepperweed

Bull Thistle

Cobwebby Thistle

Common Chickweed

Creeping Woodsorrel (limit due to oxalic acids)

Crane's Bill/Wild Geraniums

Fireweed

Hairy/Purple Vetch

Miner's Lettuce

Wild Mustard

Wild Radish

You can even find some recipes here.

Enjoy responsibly. ❁❀✿✾

AU based off of Sapnap’s recent video (because I loved it, it was hilarious) where Sapnap is the Minecraft version of an environmentalist and Dream and George are dirt sprites, a type of nature sprite that lives in soil and makes it fertile

Nature sprites are endangered due to magic pollution and overhunting, which, as you can imagine, isn’t great from the environment. A lot of servers are drying up and dying out because of this, and in order to combat this decay there’s a growing movement to find and protect the remaining nature sprites, even the ones that may seem useless/unimportant at first. (Like dirt sprites, eyyyy)

Sapnap has been tasked with watching over and protecting Dream and George, who are some of the only remaining nature sprites on their entire server (there’s like seven or so left). Unfortunately for him, they aren’t planning to make that easy.

This is gonna be like a crack treated seriously type thing

Just like. Mostly light hearted comedy with worldbuilding and some plot stuff

I love the idea of Dream and George being evil lil gremlins and Sapnap having to corral them

Sapnap’s all “stay close by me, this area is dangerous—“

And then Dream immediately goes “scatter!!!”

And he and George shoot off in opposite directions.

Sapnap: WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS

I imagine they look a lot like fairies— they have dragonfly wings, and they’re small enough to sit in Sapnap’s palm

But they’re covered in dirt and grime and have sharp teeth and claws and like

Long swishy tails

So like fairies but feral I guess?

And they’re both a lot hardier than you’d think fairies would be. Like if you tried to crush them under your foot it’d definitely hurt them but they’d still survive with like. Some cracked ribs. Dirt sprites are tough cookies.

However, their wings and tails are a bit more fragile.

Nature Sprites in general tend to dress in spider silks and leaves or mouse/gopher furs and such to keep warm, and then use various small nuts and berries and such to customize their outfits (using the berries as “dye” etc. George uses mushrooms in his outfits and Dream uses moss.

Dirt sprites tend to hunt small burrowing animals for food. They also gather fallen fruits. Little hunter gatherers <3

Dream has torn, messed up wings from when he ended up in a (illegal) hunter’s trap, so George had to help him with flying before Sapnap came along.

Now he’s got prosthetics!!!!

Which may have been a mistake because he uses them exclusively to play keep-away with Sapnap.

Dream and George spend most of their time harassing Sapnap and almost dying multiple times to various mobs

Their life’s goal is to be evil little menaces

Sapnap’s life goal is to eventually get a break.

“It’s like babysitting toddlers I swear”

George is the “expert” at being evil

He brags about it and everything

Dream looks up to him and thinks he’s super cool and also knows everything

George does not correct him because he also thinks that he’s super cool and knows everything

he has a lil bit of an ego

George: hey did you know I caused global warming?

Dream: no way!! You did not

Later on

Sapnap, explaining why they need to stop running away from him: listen. I really can’t have you dying on me, cause then the environment is kind of fucked—

George: see Dream?? I told you I caused global warming

Dream: woahhh,, holy shit dude. I’ll never doubt you again I promise

They’re just silly lads

They have only one brain cell and Sapnap had to confiscate it cause they were using it to commit crimes

They still commit crimes though, now with fewer braincells!!

Also they do like, care about Sapnap and love him a lot

Sapnap (derogatory) (affectionate)

they bully him but it's affectionate bullying

He’s *their* human

No one else’s

They found him first

They memorized his name and everything

They let him hold them and sleep in his palm even though he is huge and could crush them.

And they bring him cool rocks and sticks and feathers

George isn’t as good at finding cool rocks because he is colorblind so Dream lets George give Sapnap some of his rocks and pretend he found them instead

Oooo I like the idea that Badboyhalo is the one who assigned Sapnap the task of watching over George and Dream

He’s Sapnap’s supervisor

He also works for the environmental activist group but is much more experienced than Sapnap. He visits from time to time to check on him and help out in between his own work.

Bad bribes the sprites with muffins so they behave

I love how for living from nature, you have to think at least one year ahead. You need to stay warm in the winter? You have to start preparing and drying the firewood at least a year before. You're planning to grow some food? You need to have the soil amended and mulched months before even putting the seeds in. You want to have tomatoes? Start them in March, to eat in July. You want to eat some bread? You have to plant the grain and harvest and process it at the right time, have an ongoing sourdough starter ready and activated, before you're even ready to start making the dough, and the rise time will mean you eat it, maybe the next day. You want some fruit? You better have planted and cared for a fruit tree for 3-5 years before now, and it's either in season or you need to can it. Any food you want to eat needs to be preserved, dried, canned, fermented and safely stored in your root cellar. You want to forage for food? You better have gathered the knowledge and experience and ability to locate what is safe, useful and edible, and how to prepare it.

But in all of these actions of slow preparation, you are creating an abundance, you're making yourself safe and secure for a year ahead. Food insecurity who? You have your own bags of grains and legumes ready to be prepared at a moment's notice. Your small actions to plant and secure food have given you bigger amount of food than you could possibly buy. You're canning food you'll eat maybe two years in the future. You gathered a fortune of resources to enjoy, and the passage of time isn't so scary anymore, because you don't have to worry about losing your job, you don't have to struggle exploitation; you're thinking about how sun movement will change the seasons and the color of your trees, you're watching everything around you grow by your own will. You don't get as unwilling to live as you think of all the tasty ferments and fruit jams you've prepared for yourself to eat; you open your bottle of sour cherry juice like it's a treasure you buried for yourself to find. You're proud of your stash of herbs and canned berries and dried mushrooms because you got them by your skills alone.

Making and finding resources for yourself in nature fills your life with variety; you will experience thousands of different tasks that will all get you something useful. At one point you're fixing a fence, then you get to spy on a wild animal, then you find a place you've never been to, and spend hours theorizing what lives there because the animal prints are weird. You see plants you've never seen before, and you find out their names, you experiment and feel like an inventor if it works, you see more birds, bugs and wild creatures than you ever would otherwise, you get stuck in the mud and it rains. You posess so many little skills that make you taken care of, without depending on a system that doesn't care if you exist or not.

And you think ahead. The future isn't scary anymore, because you are already taking care of it. You'll be safe. You'll be sound. You're already figuring it out.

MCYT in Don't Starve Together!

(I love this game so much, let me have my moment)

Wilbur has at least a stack of grass, twigs, flint, logs, and other practical resources. He's making a plan for winter, has a decent base set up near pigking by day 12, but has somehow forgotten about food. Luckily, Niki didn't

Tubbo is scary good at the game, and already has a base set up next to the giant bee hive. They decide to jump in and out of a wormhole over and over, though, and died to shadow creatures. They found a touchstone, respawned, and then somehow befriend the Bee Queen??? She helped them fight shadows, somehow, so now Tubbo has access to nighmare fuel and is unstoppable.

Tommy spends the entire first day trying to kill a bird with his spear. He dies to darkness and follows Wilbur around as a ghost. Eventually Wilbur revives him with a tell tale heart, and Tommy immediately goes back to picking fights with small mobs like rabbits, frogs, and spiders. Once the war starts (because it's them, of course there's a war) he focuses more on gathering resources and food, and sets up a bunch of rabit traps.

Techno is playing the long game, he sets up a quick base at oasis and starts looking for bosses to kill. Somehow he takes down Crab King by himself on day 3 and goes back to his base. This is when he realizes he can grow potatoes in this game too, and fills the entire oasis desert with advanced farm plots and begins his empire. He finished before the first winter. This actually works as a survival strategy too, because he uses bundling wraps to keep stacks and stacks of potatoes fresh through the winter

Dream tries to speed run fuelweaver after seeing that the current record is over 2 hours, but quickly realizes that this game is very different from minecraft. He kills a beefolo to make himself feel better, and no one hears from him for a few weeks. Sapnap and George are a little worried, but then he uploads "Ancient Fuelweaver solo kill on day 14" and they're even more worried because H O W is that P O S S I B L E

Sapnap is just there to have fun, he messes around for a bit picking flowers and killing spiders, and eventually decides to burn down Wilbur's base as a prank. This ends up prompting a war between the two, so now they're both trying to build the biggest, best base they can to one up the other. Its not going well for either of them until they get allies.

George, who actually knows how to build, decides to help Sapnap in his war. He spends a few days gathering rocks and logs, but Tommy ends up stealing it all. It's basically another Dream SMP war at this point as George hammers down Tommy's work as retaliation, and uses the resources for him and Sapnap

Niki makes a butterfly garden, and a community farm in the deciduous forest. There's a berry area, mushroom planters, beefolo pen, pine tree section, and about 30 farm plots. Theres also a small croc pot area with a bird cage, some bundles she borrowed from techno, and a couple ice boxes. Needless to say, neither her now her allies go hungry

Eret spends most of her time in the caves, and made her base down there. She has a massive storage area, with most items in the game in abundance. Everything is lit up with mushlights. She spends a lot of time grinding or fighting, so if someone needs something rare, like a moonstone staff, or something tedious to get, like a few stacks of web, they usually ask Eret. She's also good at group fighting, so sometimes she, Techno, Dream, and Bad will go on ruins runs together or kill toadstool

BadBoyHalo felt bad when he killed the rabits, but it was worth it because he fed every pig in the village and now has an army of freinds. His main pass time is using a pitchfork to make pictures on the map. He pretty much ignores needing food and light, so Skeppy is constantly saving his life. Bad is also strangely talented when it comes to spelunking, and has gone to the ruins with Techno and Dream

Skeppy based near dragonfly, and kills her every time she respawns, giving him the biggest gem collection in the game. He's also got a nice crocpot area and a pig farm, so he doesn't really worry about food

JSchlatt is on the Nighmare Throne, no one knows how, he just is. I know its not possible to do adventure mode in DST, but he heard there was a throne and his lust for power made it possible

So, my lil sister is currently playing The Sims Castaway in her laptop beside me, it makes me think: What will the heroes do if they're somehow get stranded together in an unhabited island? What chaotic things they will do with other fellow heroes in there while waiting for a rescue?

Okay, I’ve basically just written a dumbass little deserted island au for you. Thanks for the request, anon! 💓💓💓

If ALL of the main heroes were to get stranded on a deserted island all together, then I’d imagine it’d have something to do with the Association fucking up big time. Maybe they were all being transported to a threat overseas and got sent off-course? So, that means their only chance of rescue would have to be from the Association themselves (and we all know how much they lag to deal with shit). Needless to say, the heroes are gonna have to get comfortable with one another and work together to pick up a thing or two on survivalism while they wait for rescue. That’s gonna be hard.

Child Emperor will have the bright idea to separate everyone into smaller groups based on their area of expertise. Nobody argues with this because it’s pretty much common sense, but the stakes are high in seeing who gets paired with who. There’s not a whole lot of bad blood between the heroes, but lord knows they’ve got a few ego problems...

These groups are gonna be Hunters/Gatherers, Homemakers, Walmart Runners, People Who Don’t Really Do Anything, the Super Duper Strike Force, and Oh, Shit it’s the Cops.

In addition to the main congregation of heroes and their groups, there’s also gonna be one more group of people that stray from the majority. These people are gonna be called Stragglers. Stragglers consist of those that:

A. Have been excluded from the main group due to being a headass.

B. Went off on their own because they’re convinced they can survive without anyone’s help.

C. Got lost.

Now, with that being said: let’s get crackin’ boys.

Disclaimer: this shit is crack as fuuuuuck

The majority of the heroes:

Group 1: Hunters/Gatherers

This group is responsible for leaving camp constantly to go hunt/forage for food.

Flashy Flash: I’ve said this before in a previous hc, but he has a pretty decent knowledge on how to find food in the wild due to him always being sent to the middle of nowhere on assassination missions. I also hc him as pescatarian, so that means that he’d be pretty good at fishing. Even though his main protein is from fish, he also has a basic understanding on how to hunt for other animals as well. He just won’t eat them cause they’re yucky.

Zombieman: He’s not super adept at anything to do with survivalism, but he’s a quick learner. It won’t take him long to figure out how to apply his detective skills when tracking animals in the wild (I.E., looking for tracks, clues, and picking up on an animal’s sense of direction). He’s also can’t die, so he’d be the guy to try out some funky-looking mushrooms/berries/herbs to see if they’re poisonous or not, making foraging a lot easier for everyone.

Mumen Rider: The group’s resident forager. He knows which plants are poisonous and which aren’t like the back of his hand due to the many years he spent in the Boy Scouts as a young lad. He also knows a lot of basic survival necessities, like how to start a fire, how to make rope from palm leaves, basic first aid, and finding clean water. He’d essentially be a walking guide on locating basic sources for water, firewood, and fish for the Walmart Runners to find back at camp.

Group 2: Homemakers

This group is responsible for building and maintaining camp. They also do basic inventory on everyone’s resources.

Child Emperor: He’s in charge of designing and construction. He’d know the best way to build a shelter so everyone’s little huts last long enough—even while under duress from crazy island weather and basic wear and tear—for the Hero Association to come to the rescue. He’d be responsible for giving the Walmart Runners the list of what he and the rest of the Homemakers need to make camp the best it can be. He’s basically in charge of everyone. Even if they don’t like it.

Genos: Genos is in charge of cooking food every night for dinner. He would be on the Super Duper Strike Force, but he’s the only one that has an endless supply of fire, so he’s in charge of keeping every light source lit and igniting the bonfire each night in time for dinner. He’s also a walking Swiss Army knife, so he’d also be the one to do any basic repairs on the camp huts in the event that one of them gets a little hole or some shit. He gives Saitama an extra serving of food each night, which has caused some internal conflict.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: As a prison inmate, he’s the expert on making somewhere comfortable on limited resources. He’d be everyone’s guide on how to make tasty food with no seasoning nor cooking equipment, in addition to teaching everyone how to stay warm without real blankets. He’d give everyone fun ways to stay busy (like making little straw dolls or playing catch with coconuts) because it gets hella boring in prison and he’s developed an innate talent for finding ways to pass the time.

Group 3: Walmart Runners

This group is responsible for leaving camp to go find resources unrelated to food, like firewood, clean water, leaves, rocks, and other things the Homemakers might need to make camp better.

Saitama: Child Emperor didn’t really know what group to put Saitama in, but Genos vouched for him and said Saitama was a fast runner. So, he got paired with Superalloy on the Walmart Runners team. He and Superalloy don’t really have any wilderness survival skills, so they rely on people like Mumen Rider and Child Emperor to point them in the right direction and give them specific instructions on what to bring back to camp. Because Saitama is so fast and strong, he’ll leave camp and be back in 30 seconds, holding twice the amount needed of whatever Mumen Rider told him to find. He often over-stocks camp on purpose so he can take long breaks in between supply runs.

Superalloy Darkshine: He got paired with Saitama because Child Emperor thought Genos was joking when the cyborg said Saitama was basically God, so he was put on the Walmart Runners to help even everything out. He’s super cooperative with Child Emperor and Mumen Rider, often bringing back way too much supplies, just like Saitama. This is due to the fact that he’s so fucking strong and huge, he can carry enough firewood to supply a small army for weeks. He also helps the Homemakers with maintaining camp in between supply runs, typically carrying all of the heavy stuff and doing all of the hard labor that comes with construction.

Group 4: People Who Don’t Really Do Anything (but also don’t make things worse)

This group consists of people who don’t contribute shit to the survival effort, but also don’t exactly make things worse. They’re just chillin.

King: King doesn’t have harbor any knowledge that can be applied while trapped on a deserted island with like, 20 homicidal maniacs. He spends all of his time huddled in his hut having a perpetual panic attack. Nobody comes in to check up on him or tell him to get off his ass because they’re all pretty intimated and believe that he’s done enough work as a hero to warrant him having a little break. Everyone thinks he’s having the time of his life while on a little vacation, when he’s actually dying inside and wishing this whole thing was over. He’s tries to call his mom a million times but his phone doesn’t receive service. He’s suffering.

Pig God: He also doesn’t have any skills or knowledge that can be applied to surviving on a desert island, so he’s just vibin. He, like King, is a gamo to the extremo and spends most of his time playing video games/watching anime, so it’s only natural that he’d be out of his element on a desert island. Unlike King, however, some people give him shit for it. This is due in part because he eats like 19 rations every meal and doesn’t really do anything to pull his weight around camp. He’s actually gained weight since they’ve been deserted. Everyone has cast a secret vote that in the event they run out of food, Pig God is the first to be eaten.

Group 5: The Super Duper Strike Force

This group is responsible for guarding camp all hours of the day. They sleep in shifts, and are constantly watching the jungle/beach for any monster activity.

Metal Bat: didn’t want to be a part of this group because that meant that he wouldn’t get his full 8 hours of beauty rest every night, so he only agreed to join on the condition that Child Emperor let him pick the name. So, lo and behold, he’s on the Super Duper Strike Force. Badd is in charge of watching the north end of camp, and is often seen climbing palm trees to get a vantage point on the great expanse of wilderness to see if there is any monster activity nearby. While he’s on top of trees, he’ll also try tirelessly to attain cell service so he can get in contact with Zenko. He fails almost each time, but boy is he persistent. He also gets bored a lot while on watch, so he just bats rocks around while using a picture of Amai that he stapled to a palm tree as a target.

Watchdog Man: He’s always on watch in City Q anyway, so this is pretty much just business as usual. He made a little mound of sand for himself (which is really hard to do with paws, okay?) to server as a makeshift pedestal like the one he has back home. People kind of forget he exists like 3 days into this whole fiasco because he doesn’t really do anything outside of just... sitting there.

Group 6: Oh Shit, it’s the Cops

This group is responsible for making sure nobody kills each other. They’re usually people who have background experience managing groups of people (this group was also named by Metal Bat because Silverfang caught him trying to vandalize Flashy Flash’s hut, to which Badd promptly yelled out “Oh shit, it’s the cops!”)

Fubuki: Even though the Fubuki Group rarely has disagreements, she still knows how to put a fucker in their place. Nobody cares that she’s B-Class, she’s feared all the same. If someone fucks up around camp, she’ll mom the hell out of them until they straighten themselves out. On top of that, she also helps Puri make camp comfortable for everyone, and assisted Child Emperor when he was assigning roles and groups.

Silverfang: He’s a master at keeping track of murderous hobos. He raised Garou, didn’t he? He can do anything. If someone fucks up, all he needs to do if give them a side-eye and that’ll be enough for them to get back in line. He suggested that everyone maintain a strict routine to ensure that nobody goes crazy while being trapped together in a deserted hell. And so far, it’s worked out just fine. So far.

Tanktop Master: The Tanktop gang, like the Fubuki Group, rarely sees disagreements. He isn’t one to hand out punishment, discipline, or reprimands, so if he sees someone fuck up, he’ll kindly pull them aside and ask them what’s up. He’ll work with everyone to ensure that all of the heroes are friendly to each other, since that’s pretty much the best anyone can do (given the situation). He’ll also help out Silverfang with his “maintaining a routine” idea, making a personalized workout routine for everyone.

Stragglers:

Tatsumaki: Tats went out on her own the minute everyone got deserted because she was already tired of their shit to begin with. She’s been doing fine, albeit being hella pissy. She’s already magic’d herself a shelter, found that she can start fires by forcing two rocks to rub against each other really fast, and that she can also kill animals in seconds just by looking at them the wrong way. Her main gripe is being away from clean sheets and soap operas, but she’s a trooper. She’ll survive.

Amai Mask: Amai Mask got voted out of the majority because he’s a dipshit and they were all gonna jump him if he didn’t haul ass across the island, far, far, away from the main camp. He’s been suffering. He can hunt fine, but he’s got zero survival skills and is currently sleeping under a cold rock. Child Emperor gave him some bright red rope to tie around his camp so the Hero Association could easily spot him from a distance when they arrive for rescue, but the rope was eaten by a bear. He’s gonna die if he doesn’t get off that island pronto.

Metal Knight: Metal Knight willingly separated himself from the group because he’s convinced that he can survive without the help of anyone else, (even though he was just gonna get voted out anyway because everyone hates that fucker) and has since then been building an army of robot coconuts. He can engineer himself a shelter just fine, and he’s figured out how to sic his little robots on nearby wildlife so he can eat. I hate to say it, but he’s actually doing well.

Drive Knight: Drive Knight also purposefully separated himself from the majority because he saw Metal Knight do it and is currently on a quest to hunt down Bofoi and merk that fucker’s ass in the jungle with God as his witness, cold-blooded. He doesn’t need wilderness survival skills because he runs on batteries and solar panels. He does, however, need a fucking GPS because he’s been lost for three days with no robot coconut army in sight. If he doesn’t find Bofoi or the main group before the Hero Association arrives for rescue, then he’ll most definitely get left behind, and that is a risk he is willing to take. Dumbass.

Atomic Samurai and his 3 hooligans: Atomic Samurai, Iaian, and Okamaitachi got separated from the group because they somehow ended up on a completely different part of the island upon being deserted. The two disciples listened to Kami (bad idea) while he was trying to find a sense of direction, and they ended up straying even farther away from the group than they were when they started. Bushidrill also ended up on a completely different part of the island, separated from both the group and Atomic Samurai’s gang, but they found each other around 2 days into this whole fiasco by pure chance. Bushidrill was found sitting in a tree 20ft off the ground, wearing a coconut bikini, and stress-drinking a bottle of saké he had smuggled in his robe before everything went to shit. All in all, when the disciples and Kami put their heads together, they make a pretty good team. Iaian hunts, Kama makes camp, Bushi sits on his ass, and Kami sits with Bushi. They’re not going to be left behind as easily as Drive Knight, though. If they’re not found before the Hero Association comes to the rescue, then you bet your ass those corporate cronies are gonna spend a pretty penny on search parties.

So, now that we have everyone’s roles and groups down, I’m gonna make up some island shenanigans because this shit is just TOO GOOD to be left alone like this.

The shenanigans:

The quest for food:

Zombieman, while hunting with Flashy Flash and Mumen Rider: hey, stop moving. I think I see a deer over there.

Mumen Rider, looking through a set of binoculars: awww, it has a baby!

Flash: where did you get those binoculars?

Mumen: oh, they were in my wilderness survival kit!

Zombieman: what

Mumen, looking through his bag: yeah, I have a compass, a canteen, a bird-watching manual, some fire-starters, some dynamite next to the fire-starters— oh no.

The quest for food Part 2:

Flashy Flash: I found this strange mushroom, but I don’t know if it’s poisonous.

Mumen: hmm, let me look it up in my manual—

Zombieman: *swipes the mushroom and gobbles it up*

Mumen:

Flash:

Zombieman: it’s poisonous

The quest for dinner:

Child Emperor, speaking to everyone at camp: okay, guys. We’re gonna start having nightly bonfires that will hopefully aid us in making passing ships aware of our location. It’s also how we’re gonna cook our food—

Pig God: *raises hand*

Child Emperor: no, we don’t have any marshmallows.

Pig God: *slowly lowers hand*

The quest for peace:

Badd: fuck the police! *sprints away*

Tanktop Master: what did he do?

Silverfang: I caught him carving “flash sux” into the sand and he tried to hit me with a coconut after I told him to stop.

The quest for Bushidrill:

Iaian: Sensei, it’s been two days. Maybe he’s with the others—

Kami: no, I know Bushidrill. If WE’RE lost, then he’s SUPER lost.

Okamaitachi: there! In that tree!

Bushidrill, face-planted on a tree branch 20ft off the ground: God, is that you?

Kami: I knew it.

Kami: Iaian, cut him down.

Iaian: is that really the best idea—

Kami: just do it.

Iaian: *cuts down Bushidrill*

Bushidrill: *immediately gets knocked unconscious the minute he hits the ground*

Kami: good.

X-mas in Hannibal’s homeland (3)

Kūčios (Christmas Eve) dinner/supper

(This is Part 3 of the series. Other parts can be found here: Prologue, Part 1, Part 2 and Part 4.) 

Kūčios dinner is supposed to consist of 12 dishes. Nowadays, however, it has not escaped the clutches of over-consumerism and more often than not it becomes “at least 12 dishes” and the table can start overflowing with food. 

No matter if you’re a traditionalist of strictly 12 dishes or a more liberal generous one, your Kūčios dinner is always ALWAYS vegetarian: consisting only of vegetables, mushrooms and fish (no poultry or red meat). Some people go even stricter and do not make anything that includes eggs or milk. 

It is customary that everyone eats a little bit of every dish, so they’re usually served in already divided chunks. Everybody helps themselves by taking pieces of food into their own plates from the dishes placed in the middle of the table. A table usually looks similar to this:

A table can be decorated with spruce/fir/pine branches, cones, straw, candles. No flowers, though. It’s a remaining tradition from the old times when flowers were not available during winter.

There’s a tradition that’s recently less and less practiced, especially in cities. Straws would be put on the table beneath the tablecloth. And a practiced spell was that family members would draw (without looking) a straw from beneath the tablecloth. The length of the drawn straw would symbolize the length of your remaining life, and the thickness - the material riches awaiting you in the future. It’s a rather morbid ritual to the modern eye, but I guess morbidity was a much more common and accepted part of the lives in the old times.

Another vanishing (but still practiced by some) tradition is allocating sitting places and plates for recently deceased family members. A burning candle is usually placed on their plate. More superstitious people believe that spirits of those dead relatives come to hang out with the family on Kūčios night. There are no strict rules on how recently the relative has to have died to be included. So if it’s someone extremely important to you, you could in theory give them a place and a plate at your Kūčios table for the rest of your life. I imagine that Hannibal could probably do this for Mischa and Abigail indefinitely.

It’s common to begin Kūčios dinner by symbolically breaking “plotkelės” (even for families that are not really religious, it’s become a part of tradition). These are basically Eucharist wafers that are given out during catholic masses as a symbol of Christ’s body. But they’re bigger and rectangle shaped, with Christ nativity themed embossed pictures. You can get them at your local catholic church for a certain offering of cash. Every family member gets their own “plotkelė” and then other members break a little peace from each of the other family member while looking into their eyes (sort of similar like during a toast) and then eats them. The remaining parts of “plotkelės” are further broken down and put on dishes present on the table. More religious families would also say a prayer. While the head of not so religiously inclined ones would give a short speech along the lines of how happy we are to be gathered here all together and hopefully luck and health would not leave anyone during the next year. “Plotkelės” look like this:

(photo from wikipedia) 

Probably the most traditional and almost obligatory dish on Kūčios table is “Kūčiukai”. These are small bakery products served in sweetened poppy seed milk. Usually they’re eaten at the end of the supper as a sort of dessert soup. They look like this:

Examples of other traditional dishes:

“Kisielius” - a thick, almost jelatinous sour-sweet drink (it can be made of various fruits and berries, but on Kūčios it’s usually cranberry based).

Various kinds of “Mišrainė” - that’s a sort of thick kind of salad consisting of boiled, pickled, dried and otherwise preserved vegetables, legumes and wild mushrooms with thick, usually mayonnaise or oil based sauce (might also include eggs, fried or smoked fish). It’s not just only a Kūčios thing, but common throughout the cold season, heritage from the old times when people did not have access to fresh greens or other fresh plant ingredients in winter (outside of Kūčios ir can also include ham). Examples:

Various kinds of herring dishes with vegetables and wild mushrooms (though we DO NOT have this extremely fermented foul smelling Scandinavian type of herring that’s almost close to rotting point). Examples:

Different kinds of fish. Though white meat fish has been traditionally more common, recently salmon or trout or even some seafood has begun to gain popularity.

Wild mushroom stuffed pastries (filling can also include cabbage and/or carrots). Like this:

After Kūčios dinner some more religious families would go to late Christmas Eve Mass. It’s called “Bernelių/piemenėlių mišios” (translates to “shepherds’ mass” and is called after the shepherds who were first informed about the birth of Christ according to the Bible). IRL this is also used by not so religious people who take this opportunity to meet with their friends from childhood and high school whom they don’t meet very often anymore due to the fact that they had moved to live in different places, but now came back to visit their families in the same native town).

There are also a lot of pagan traditions and spells to be performed on the night of Kūčios.  From different rituals before sleep that would invoke prophetic dreams to dubious ways for young girls to get an answer if they’d get married next year an so on and so forth. :) It was also believed that animals can talk on Kūčios night and you can probably get them to divulge some future forecasts and other important information (I have no idea how they prevented death of children by cattle trampling when they probably tried to sneak out at night and talk to livestock). That’s not widely practiced anymore outside of some ethnographic clubs for a sheer benefit of preserving knowledge of ancient traditions or a sporadic thematic ethno party. (But similar jokes can still be told around the Kūčios table, like “go ask the cow, if you’re so curious”).

Arya the Ghost {Chapter 1}

“Arya!!! Come here quick! I have something to show you”

“What is it? Is it something fun?” I projected as I sprinted towards him

“I have a toy…it’s a cool one”

“How does it work?” I asked

“It goes kaboom!”

“WOOOW? That’s so cool!!” I exclaimed

“Here I’ll put it here and you stand over there and we will watch it go Kaboom”

“Oh ok” I giggled as I sat down to where he told me to sit

“Here I’ll set it up ok”

“Ok” I answered, curious as to what will happen…

“Uhm…is it supposed to make that sound?” I asked, nervously…

“Yeah! why do you ask?”

“Uhm… it sounds scary…” I responded…

“Don’t worry, it also did that to me” he followed…

“oh ok…Uhm…Clay…. the sound is… C-Clay…” I stuttered…

 “CLAY!!!!” I shouted as I opened my eyes ad lifted my head….

 “…why do I keep dreaming about that…” I asked as I looked down at the grass, I fell asleep on…

 “Anyway….at least it’s not raining or else I’m probably gone… I need to find a place to live…or maybe make a place to live in… no one lives on these woods anyway, or maybe I just haven’t seen anyone yet”

 I said to myself, I normally speak to myself since I have no one to talk to, Oh…I’m Arya, Arya the Ghost! I present Arya’s Childhood... which sounds confusing, here

 I am a spirit of a person named Arya, she died at the age of 6 because of an accident made by her best friend Clay, she was accidentally blown up by TNT. I and Arya are different beings. I am a spirit that represents Arya’s childhood that she never really had due to her death at a young age.

 “Hmmm, how about…. Oh! I know, I should make a little shack!” I rejoiced as I got excited at the thought of making a little shack.

 “I’m going to build a shack, and it’s going to be pretty” I sang as I joyfully walked through the forest, searching for more materials.

 “and it’s going to be, the best shack, you…will…ever… see- Agh!” I exclaimed as I heard an explosion.

I turned around to see a bunch of creepers and spiders, I looked up to see that it is almost nighttime. I stood up and wiped my ax out to slay the creepers. As I was about to hit the last Creeper, an arrow coming behind me, shot the Creeper, killing it. Knowing that it’s a skeleton, I ran away as fast as I could since I was low at health, and my ax and shield were about to break. It’s been almost a week since I’ve been here in this world, I don’t even know how I came here, or when I came here. All I know is that I should avoid these mobs.

 I know it sounds silly since I’m a ghost, and I should be see-through and should not be affected by anything here. But for some reason I’m not, I’m like an alive person, just a see-through version.

I didn’t know where to go since I had no place to sleep. I noticed the cave I mined from, I ran towards the cave, placing blocks to cover the mobs away and placing a bed down to fall asleep on.

 Hours passed and it’s finally morning. I then started mining back all the blocks I placed and walked in the direction to where my shack would be, I already built some parts of the shack, but it wasn’t enough to protect me at the night. I then continued to build my shack, got more resources and materials, and built again until my shack is finally finished.

 I took a few steps backward, to admire my build, my build had two floors, the crafting area, and my storage are downstairs, while upstairs is my bedroom and the important stuff that I need. I happily moved all of my stuff inside and slept comfortably.

 It’s the next day, I then got ready for the day by forging through the woods and coming across some berries, mushrooms ad some seeds so I can have a little farm beside my shack. When I was finally done forging, I walked back to my shack. As I was walking back, I noticed someone in front of my house. I then hid behind the bushes.

 “Who is that? And why did I just see this man now?” I thought to myself

 The person was wearing a green cloak with a matching green hat. The person also had big black wings.

 “I wonder who lives here…Hey Techno, noticed anything special In there?” The person with the black wings asked

 “He’s not alone?!” I thought to myself. Apparently, he’s with a person named techno…

 “No, not that important of stuff, the person doesn’t even have Netherite, well they have some diamonds and that’s about it” Techno replied as he went out of my shack. He wore something of what a king would wear.

 “ Hey, Ranboo how about you? Noticed anything there?” The person with black wings asked

 “So there’s 3 of them? Where are they all coming from?!” I asked myself

 “Uhm, No nothing here, Phil” Ranboo replied, This person is wearing a suit and is wearing a crown.

 “So the person with the black wings is named Phil,” I thought to myself

 I tried to go closer but I accidentally stepped on a branch that was loud enough for them to turn to me. I then ran away since I had nothing to defend myself from them.

 “Get after her!” Phil exclaimed

 I ran as fast as I could but it wasn’t enough as they were faster than me. I then stumbled towards a dead end, I felt their presence behind me. I turned around and saw that they were wearing armor and had held axes in their hands.

 “Please don’t hurt me!” I exclaimed as I shivered from fear

 “H-hey, don’t worry, we're not going to hurt you,” Phil said calmly

“How am I not going to worry when all of you look like your going to kill me” I anxiously said

 They then looked at what they were wearing and noticed that they are wearing armor and noticed that it’s scaring me

 “O-oh, Uhm here” Phil stuttered as he took off his armor as he also persuaded the others to take off their armor and hid their weapons.

 “How about now? Are you more comfortable now?” Phil asked as he tried to get closer to me but noticing that I am still scared of them

 “W-what were you doing in my house?” I quivered

 “Well we were just walking, and we stumbled to your house” Ranboo calmly said “Don’t worry we're not here to harm, we were just checking this place out since no one has ever really been here” He followed

 “What do you mean ‘No one has been here?’ Are there more people in this place?” I asked

 “Uhm, yeah you’re just far from them” Technoblade replied

 “Are they…nice?” I asked as I started to become calmer towards them

 “No not all of them…but some are, want to see them?” Phil asked as he extended his hand

 “Uhm…Sure, but…you did say I was far from them, How long is it going to take to get to them?” I asked as I held his hand and helped me up.

 “Well, it was pretty far to get here from Techno’s house” He replied as he glanced at Techno, “But as soon as we get to the Nether portal we can go there smoothly,” Phil added

 “A Nether Portal? What’s that?” I asked

“You don’t know what a Nether Portal is?” Techno replied

 “Uhm, yes” I replied

 “Well you’re going to either like it or hate it In there,” Phil said as he wore his armor back on

 “Uhm…Can I get at least some of my stuff before we head off?” I asked

 “Yeah sure” Ranboo replied

 The quietness was uncomfortable while heading to my shack, I couldn’t bear it, it was awkward

“So…” Techno says anxiously as we all looked at him,” How did you die, Arya?” Techno asks uncomfortably

“Now I think that’s a little too far techno, I’m sorry if whatever he said is making you uncomfortable” Phil followed

“C’mon it’s not that bad she’s a ghost”

“What do you mean “not that bad,” you asked a ghost how they died”

“EHH, don’t lie you were also thinking about it”

“I mean,” I said as I cut their argument while looking at me. “ it doesn’t bother me” I stated

“Oh…the-“

“Then how did you die?”

“Don’t cut me off!” Phil exclaimed

“I died by…TNT,” I calmly told them

“Oh…Uhm…if you don’t mind…who blew it up?” Ranboo anxiously asked

“RANBOO!” Phil shouted

“Oh…Uhm he’s name is Clay!” I happily exclaimed, “Do you know anyone named Clay?” I asked

“Uhm…no we don’t know who he is, sorry” Phil answered

“Oh…ok” I replied.

A few minutes passed and we were finally at my house. I quickly went in my chess and took all the important stuff I needed. As I was gathering all my stuff, the three of them explored my little shack…

The shack was 2 stories high, with a little farm beside it, on the ground floor was my small storage era that contained 2 double chess and a little kitchen, while on the next floor is my bedroom filled with the important stuff like diamonds and some armor.

“So are you ready to head out for a while?” Phil asked

“Yeah!” I exclaimed

“ You build nicely, for a minute I thought this was Niki’s house” Ranboo complimented

“ Uhm. Who’s Niki?” I asked

“Oh she’s one of our friends, I’m sure you’ll like her”

“Oh ok! I exclaimed

“We need to go now, we wouldn’t want to get caught up with mobs don’t we, I mean it’s not like I can fight them or anything you know” Technoblade sassed out

“hmmm yeah, I don’t like fight mobs’ I stated

“then let's get going” Phil suggested

I then followed them out of my little shack and to where the nether portal is, and let me tell you, my shack was pretty far. As we were walking, I got shot by an arrow, and before I knew it, we were surrounded by mobs, Techno took out his ax and so did the rest of them and started to fight the mobs, I also took my ax.

I looked to my right to see Ranboo not noticing the zombie behind him as he was fighting a skeleton

“Ranboo! Behind you!” I exclaimed as I ran towards him and slain the zombie

“Oh..thanks,” Ranboo said

“No problem” I replied

“C’mon guys we need to hurry up, there are too many mobs here” Phil exclaimed as we all started to run

“you’re just scared that you would be beaten up by a baby zombie again” Techno joked

“Shut up” Phil snickered

“Uhm…is that a Nether portal,” I said as I pointed to a rectangle shape obsidian with a dark purple barrier that has a glowing tint on it with swirls at my right

“Yup that’s a Portal right” Phil replied

We then turned right as we slowed down

“Woooow,” I said as I slightly touched  the portal

“Are you gonna enter the portal or what?” Techno asked

“yeah sure, I’m just a little scared” I answered

“Don’t worry it doesn’t hurt” Phil reassured

I then closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and when I opened my eyes the 3 of them then disappeared.

“U-uhm…Phil…techno….Ranboo…Where did you guys go?” I said sheepishly as I looked around for them and then noticed that a lot of mobs coming after me. I then took all my courage and jumped at the Nether portal as I closed my eyes with the thought in my mind “what could this place be… “

( I have lost interest in posting my fanfiction in Wattpad so i’m just gonna post the first chapter here in tumblr. I Hope you guys like it)

Security

The second chapter of my self-indulgent kiss fic! This focuses on Bloodhound and Mirage exclusively, though hints towards the other love interests are made. Below is the chapters in order.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - Intro

Chapter 2 - Mirage (You are here!)

Chapter 3 - Octane

Chapter 4 - Caustic

Chapter 5 - Ending

Chapter 2 below the cut!

That same afternoon, late in the evening, Bloodhound stood in the kitchen as they got themselves a glass of water - wondering if they should prepare a meal or not as they sipped.

They noticed the sound of steps being taken behind them, coming down the stairs and eventually coming to a stop as the person assumedly reached the bottom. Bloodhound turned to meet the person, who had already begun talking;

"Oh! Hey - you hungry for something too?" Mirage laughed gently after he spoke, before clearing his throat and rubbing the back of his neck in assumption that his words didn't land.

Bloodhound entertained the subtle humour of his, "Somewhat. I vas going to make something outside."

Mirage nodded and let his arm fall back down to his side. It didn't take the legends long to discover that Bloodhound did things rather traditionally - cooking over a genuine fire as opposed to using the electric stove being one of them. He gave his input as he walked over to get something of his own to drink, "I could keep you company, if you want - I should probably learn how to cook my famous porkchops over a fire, hah!"

Bloodhound made a small chortle, "I think they taste fine as you make them. Fire does have a certain taste, though." They sipped at their water again, lifting their mask just a bit from beneath to do so, before leaning down and pulling a sizeable pot out of the cabinet. They then set it and their glass aside to pull open the fridge and survey ingredients, "I wouldn't mind you accompanying me."

"Cool! Cool - maybe we can make something together!" Mirage playfully offered as he squeezed past the hunter to grab the jug of iced tea.

They contemplated that idea a moment - gathering what they needed and storing them temporarily in the aforementioned pot for easier carrying before responding, "We could, if you'd like. I don't intend to make you feel as though you need to help me, though-"

"No, no, it's nothing, really!" Mirage quickly assured the other, "I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to. Plus it could be kinda' fun, yeah?"

Bloodhound made a brief hum, tilting their head slightly and picking up the pot. "Suppose it could be."

Mirage sat on a fallen log as he waited for Bloodhound to come back with firewood, with his arms folded over his lap. It was a comfortable evening - cool breeze breaking the settled warmth and rustling the leaves of the tall trees that stood around them. The forest just behind the dormitories was always a nice place to get away if one needed it - the privacy of it feeling fresher than that of staying in one's room.

Taking in a deep breath, air crisp as he took it in, Mirage looked to the grass beneath his shoes.

Suddenly, Bloodhound had settled beside him and dropped a thick cut of a log, notches cut into it to create a Swedish torch, in front of themselves - the axe they'd been using being set aside on the log they both sat on. Mirage had let his gaze linger on the hunter's hand and how it gripped the axe handle, and how it released thereafter. Without their gloves worn, Bloodhound's hands were a mix of strong and pretty all at once - few, small nicks from assumed previous wood-working decorating their finger pads and palms, along with several beauty marks kissing the backs of their hands. Their nails looked kempt, if short, and their fingers looked both firm and gentle.

He was brought out of his adoring observations when they began to speak, "Could you help me cut these up? I'll start a fire in the meantime."

"Yeah! Of course," Mirage nodded as he was handed a relatively flat piece of wood and an assortment of ingredients. It took a moment for it to click in his mind that the wood was to be his cutting board.

Bloodhound almost offered their axe to him, but Mirage noticed the motion they made to grab it and assured them that "I carry a pocket knife with me." The hunter gave a nod and went back to doing what they were doing - though their gaze lingered on Mirage's face for a moment or two before doing so. He was tortuously handsome - hair and facial structure and scars and all.

As Mirage rather expertly chopped up some chanterelles, he sparked further conversation, "What's on the menu tonight? See you got some- got some veni- veni-kin? Veni..." He cleared his throat, "Deer, right?"

"Yes," Bloodhound confirmed as they sparked a low ember within the hole they carved inside the firelog. "I've br'rought mutton, as well."

Mirage made an intrigued hum and pushed aside the chopped mushrooms to start on the garlic and onions. "Never had it. Have had deer, though!"

"Really?"

"Well," Mirage backed down sheepishly, hesitating to keep cutting the alliums, "Deer jerky, yeah. Still counts though, right? Hope so."

Bloodhound made an amused exhale from their nose, "Of course it does." They added a slab of butter into the pot they set atop of the Swedish torch, allowing it to melt before taking the alliums Mirage had cut up and putting them in to fry.

The rest of the process was generally silent between the two of them - the sound of crickets and the fire crackling being all that kept the air company - but it wasn't unpleasant at all. A generous amount of cream was added after the onion and garlic cooked a bit, as well as after the added thickly-diced meats. Carrots, crushed juniper berries, various herbs such as bay leaves and thyme, potatoes, a leek, and finally chanterelles made their way into the stew gradually - and when everything had been included, all that was left to do was to let it cook.

Mirage put away his pocket knife (vowing to clean it thoroughly when he got back inside) and set aside the makeshift cutting board - leaning over and looking to the hunter, "Don't think you told me what we're making yet. I mean- it's stew, but..?"

"It's viltgryte," they answered, "Though tr'raditionally it doesn't normally contain mutton. I do that for my own taste."

Mirage hummed low in approval, smiling and finding that his mouth had been watering from the smell of their cooking alone. "It smells great, I'll tell you that. I'm guessing it's something from home?"

Bloodhound nodded in a way to accept his compliment before taking a second to contemplate and respond to his question, "Yes - in Ísland my comfort foods were this and kjötsúpa." They chortled to themselves a moment, quiet and a bit reserved, "I like foods with broth, or sauce of some kind."

Mirage laughed and leaned forward - resting his forearms in his lap and draping his hands over his knees. "Hey, I can't judge you there - shit's good. Hell, I can't think of any other things half as comforting as that kinda' thing."

"Fur blankets?"

"Food, I mean," Mirage snorted.

"Oh!" Bloodhound made a quiet laugh and shook their head, looking back to the fire, "Yes, I think you're right."

They sat quiet for the next few, long minutes - not bothered by it per se, but basking in the smell of food cooking and not being able to eat it just yet called for a distraction of some sort.

"..You did really good in the game today!" Mirage offered with his signature warm grin, picking up his glass of iced tea he'd set on the ground after sitting down earlier, "You wiped two teams at the end, there - sorry about the loss, though."

Bloodhound waved a dismissive hand and looked back to Mirage, voice indicitave of an assumed gentle expression, "You, as vell. You earned your victory today, félagi - you should be proud."

"Oh, I am," Mirage insisted with another smile - swirling the liquid inside his glass before taking a drink from it, creating a pause in his words, "..but I still gotta' give respect to you out there. You were doing work - y-your team, of course, but you especially."

The compliment earned Mirage the sound of Bloodhound's hum and gentle laugh - the former finding it damn near ethereal.

When the hunter gave a breathy "Thank you," Mirage gave a slick "No problem," despite needing to turn his head away to conceal his blush.

Mirage kept busy drinking his iced tea, the ice cubes clinking against the glass adding to the ambience - not to mention oddly complementing the fire crackling rather well. Bloodhound occasionally stirred the viltgryte with a wooden spoon.

It was serene. It was almost domestic.

This fact was realized by the both of them, but it wasn't addressed - neither thinking the other had made the same discovery.

Bloodhound made a sigh. It sounded almost longing, in a way, and before Mirage could give concern as he looked over, they had set the stirring spoon aside and reached behind their head to undo the clasps of their mask. Mirage swallowed the sudden dryness in his throat - attempting to no avail quench it by taking another drink.

He set his glass back down onto the ground, and folded his arms over his lap - eyes busy taking in the welcome sight.

Their face being illuminated by the orange and gold flickering of the fire accentuated their features - the glow angelic, in some way. It just about did Mirage in when Bloodhound raised a hand to pull back a lock of hair behind their ear; the motion so admiringly graceful. How the hunter managed to be so firm and mighty, while also being so soft and benign was simply another charm of their's that kept Mirage wrapped around their pretty little finger.

Bloodhound set their mask beside them - fingertips tentative in leaving its surface. They explained their sudden choice with hushed words, "It's a little warm beneath that, vith the fire going. I hope you don't mind."

Mirage slowly shook his head, "Not at all."

His eyes wandered across the darling landscape that was their face - gaze remaining an extra long moment on their lips before finding himself suddenly in tune with the intimacy of his actions, and reluctantly looking away in an attempt to chill the ever-growing heat on his cheeks.

Bloodhound noticed the staring, and while they knew not the focus of it, the knowledge that Mirage found something in their countenance to focus on in the first place ultimately made them blush.

This was stifling, they both concluded - and just when Bloodhound was about to let it go and sit in their own assumed unrequited emotions, Mirage cleared his throat.

He sat straighter. He rubbed his palms on his thighs, tightening his lips while he looked towards the hunter; not at them directly, but in that direction.

He swallowed again.

He mustered up some sort of courage, words quiet, "I was- uh, I was wondering something - you don't have to talk about it if you don't want or anything, I was just.."

His sentence managed a decrescendo near the end, until it eventually trickled into silence.

Bloodhound stayed equally silent for a moment - waiting for a continuation that never came. They leaned towards him a bit and rest their arms in their lap, face expressing such mansuetude that Mirage felt some of his anxiousness clear. They comforted the man and urged him to continue with a "I can't decide if I can talk about it if you don't tell me vhat it is. What is it?"

"..Well," he began, the flush on his cheeks becoming gradually more evident, "I have a lot to say, I guess. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I...I don't know what to expect after I say it, so.." Mirage rubbed the back of his neck and kept his hand there up until his next sentence was done, "But I ask you.. be honest with me."

His phrasing was unbearably vague, but Bloodhound wasn't going to rush his pacing - instead, they simply allowed him to say his piece at whatever pace made him comfortable.

"I think you're a good person. I.. really like hanging out with you - I mean, in the games, yeah, but outside of them too. Kinda' like this." Mirage looked to the ground, "Since I met you that first day, I've always kinda' been.. what's that word- fascin-tid? Fasc-un-tid..? Fascinated- that's it. Uh, fascinated by you. Getting to know you these past two years just cemented my idea that you're one of the coolest people I know."

Bloodhound smiled and turned their head away - eyes focused on the fire and the warmth it brought them, but they knew deep within themselves that the fire wasn't the sole cause of this warmth.

"Þakka fyrir."

Mirage smiled similarly to Bloodhound, "Of course."

The hunter leaned forward to stir the viltgryte once more, speaking further, "I find you rather intr'resting, as well. Your personality is quite forward." They set the spoon back down - hands returning to their lap.

He laughed softly, and clasped his hands. "That good or bad to you?"

Bloodhound hummed sweetly, "Good - your forwardness is charming. You're unapologe'ically yourself, and I find it noble."

Mirage swallowed, made a small exhale, and made a chortle. "..That's sweet of you, thanks. Good to know my charm works on some people here," he spoke his last line with a laugh as he meant it as a half-joke. To his relief, and adoration, Bloodhound laughed at it too.

In the midst of their shared amusement, their gazes somehow met - the ends of their laughs returning to smiles, and then shy ones when they realized they were looking at each other this whole time.

Bloodhound quickly blinked and looked away - awfully aware that their face probably gave away their thoughts as their skin stained with a burning blush.

Mirage took in a quivering breath.

He hesitated to say what was on his mind, and when he eventually got it out he was alarmed by how anxious it made him-

"I want to- I.. I want to date you."

Bloodhound's head quickly turned back to the man - lips parted, eyes widened, expression dumbfounded.

Mirage sealed it with a quiet "I have for a while now. Months."

The hunter could feel their heartbeat in their ears. Their ears felt so hot - their face, their skin. That couldn't be right, they thought to themselves - mind almost trying to convince themselves that they heard the man wrong.

The silence hung in the air for a long moment.

"...Romantically?"

Mirage made a nervous breath, "Yeah."

Bloodhound kept their eyes on Mirage's face. Their expression had since lessened from shock into gentle surprise, and the man sitting beside them could finally tell that this was a look of disbelief.

The silence rest once more.

It broke, once again, after a long moment of thought - the words spoken to break it hushed and timid in tone, but strong in their meaning - in which Bloodhound at last conjured up a "I've thought about you, too, in that way. I.. think I discovered these feelings months ago. So..I say yes."

Mirage made another trembling breath - breaking into a nervous smile and tilting his head a bit, "Yes?"

"Yes."

They watched each other. They took into account how they adored the others features, their persons, their whole selves.

Somehow, someway - unknown as to who moved first - their faces got closer at one point. Bloodhound felt Mirage gently take their chin in his fingers, thumb caressing their bottom lip, and before either dared to question anything else, their lips pressed together.

Bloodhound fluttered their eyes quickly, before slowly melting into the feeling and closing them. The kiss was warm, and passionate, and left nothing to be desired after Mirage pulled away. The hunter raised a hand to delicately touch their own mouth - eyes opening to watch with amorous intent the flushed man before him as the realization of this being their first kiss settled in. From their expression, face red and eyes narrowed and brows furrowed, Mirage could easily read that this was the case.

He took his hand away from the other's face and sat himself back down fully on the log, but the two of them kept rather close still.

"..I really liked that."

Mirage smiled again, softly. "Me too."

The two stayed busy in their own minds - time dedicated to contemplation being a long couple of moments before anyone spoke up again.

Mirage did so first, "..I.. know I've used it in the past, but..." He looked to the hunter's hand, "Can I use your real name more?"

They nodded, "Yes. I.. like when you say it."

That sent a fulfilling throb through his heart.

"..May I call you Elliott more?"

"Of course."

Blóð looked down coincidentally - happening to notice that Elliott was looking at their hand. It took a second, but two and two was put together.

Elliott had glanced up. He then looked back down. "..Can I hold your hand?"

Blóð nodded again.

It was awkward, at first - Elliott taking lead and attempting to hold their hand while their partner was unfamiliar to the way it was supposed to happen. It didn't take long for Blóð to figure out how to properly lace their hands together, though, and when they finally were able to get the idea it felt of a new type of happiness.

Hands intertwined, the idea that they were embracing this intimately was almost devoid of verisimilitude - but it was happening, and it was so tender. It was so warm.

The rest of their hour or so alone was peaceful - their company being the rustling trees being swayed by the breeze, the crackling of their fire, the bubbling of a simmering hot meal, and one another. They talked for the better part of their time together, starting out timid before eventually becoming mostly comfortable - new-relationship anxiousness aching them a bit. They spoke on how the other made them feel, a small part of their previous homelife, and - interestingly enough to Blóð - their sexualities.

When Elliott told Blóð that he happened to be polyamorous, they concurred - to which he gave a "I'm glad to hear that," and followed it up with "I encourage you to find happiness in all who you can." It felt reassuring, considering that they did find themselves allured by two others, but at the same time it felt like Elliott knew a playful little thing that they didn't. They brushed it off in the meantime, and kept note to inform Elliott if anything between them and another happened.

What would be the odds of that, right?

Ahem.

Their time alone was interrupted after that aforementioned couple of hours, when Lifeline had come out to see where they went because she couldn't find them - having been planning to make dinner.

"Miss Che, we did happen to make quite a bit of this," Blóð began to offer - Elliott finding it sweet that they included him in the process - "I'd be happy to share. You don't have to be in charge of dinner tonight - but I do request you bring back bowls and spoons."

Lifeline hesitated to accept the offer - her face clearly dripping hospitality and an urge to care for people, her most noble trait - but the more she took in the aroma of the stew, she relaxed her shoulders and clasped her hands in front of her. "That's sweet a' you two - I can' say no. Mind if I grab th' otha's?"

Elliott shook his head, raising his free hand a bit, "Not at all! Let's hangout tonight - we deserve it after today's game."

She smiled and turned around, walking back to the dorms. She called out a teasing "I'm sure y' can get closer on that log you sit on, there, an' make room for the rest a' us," before she made it back inside.

Caught off guard, and caught red-handed, they found themselves flushed and suddenly shy all over again - pulling away a bit and releasing their hand-holding to save themselves any embarrassment from the other legends. It was a lucky thing that Lifeline was the one who had found them, for she was good at keeping secrets for people.

Elliott made a small chuckle, leaning forward. "I.. think we should wait to say anything. I got a big ego, but they probably won't leave us alone."

Blóð took absolutely no offense to the sentiment, "I agree. Just for today, I want to relish our pr'rivacy."

They tried to not watch each other, really - but it was so hard to not look at something that was so wonderfully perfect. Their eyes met, and it made them break into subtle smiles.

What an evening.

I love New York. I love drinking. I abso-fuck*n-lutely love drinking in New York. I love it so much I went to New York just to drink - caution: this trip is not, and I repeat, not for everybody. I mean, what’s not to love about drinking in New York?! The endless supply of bars; the attractive, charming and talented bar staffs, and let’s not forget the beyond delicious libations they serve up ‘til 3 (even 4) AM on a Monday - astounding, especially when you come from a small town where last call is 12.45, if you’re lucky. Before our trip, we agreed on the ‘one-drink-one-bar-rule’ - a rule that we slowly abandoned as the night progressed. After what felt like a 12 hour commute from YVR, I arrived in Penn Station, starved and parched. A quick change and a touch up later, I finally made it to dinner at WildAir: a hip, trendy, wine-focused Lower East Side restaurant from the boys who opened the Michelin-starred Contra. The food menu is a fairly simple: tartare, mushrooms, clams, and allegedly out-of-this-world fried squid. The wine list, on the other hand, is extensive and edgy. If you’re into the whole natural, skin-contact wine situation like we are, you’ll probably see us there again with a bottle of Susucaru, snacking on some fried squid. A couple blocks down from Wildair, is Bar Goto. A cozy Japanese bar with a MOOD AF lighting, brought to you by Kenta Goto, a Pegu club alumn. The man himself made me a plum Sazerac the last time I was in. It easily became one of those cocktails you crave over and over again. So naturally, I got one, and another one for good measure. The whisky finally kicked in. With a little buzz and a much better mood, we made it to Death and Company and put our name on the list. Wait time was about an hour and 30 mins, enough for a cocktail or two at Angel’s Share – or so we thought. It’s another 45 mins wait for us, but luckily, they have a sister bar next door that’s much less crowded, a little brighter, and slightly more peaceful. Our new friend Ryan, who’s bartending that night made me a ‘Bewitched’, a riff on Old Fashioned with grilled and spiced truffle-infused whisky, cognac, Kokuto syrup, bitters and Kaffir lime leaf. It’s as decadent as it sounds. Stunning mixture of flavour, texture, and aroma on each indulgent sip. It was on point. It’s finally time for us to get to Death and Co. Their Manhattan’s been calling my name since September last year. Everything about Death and Co’s Manhattan is perfect: the bourbon, the vermouth, the ratio, the temperature, just everything. Say what you want (I actually got into an argument on this) but this, is the best Manhattan in Manhattan. The night spiralled down the rabbit hole after the next drink, a Boulevardier - I remember we had two more cocktails there, but I can’t, for the sake of me, remember what they were. I know there was gin, somewhere, somehow. I won’t bore you with the details of our challenging journey home so let’s skip to the morning after - two bottles of Pedialyte, two advils, and a hot shower later. Our mind was focused on a bougie-ish scrambled eggs and caviar at Buvette, and so was the whole West Village apparently. “50 minutes” - the cute European host said. Other people would typically take this time to walk around, maybe get an oat-mylk latte and a croissant. Since we’re no ordinary people, and it just so happened that their sister bar ‘Pisellino’ just opened down the street (what a coincidence), we kinda had to stop by for a drink. It’s 1145, and in front of me was a full, frosty glass (and a mini carafe) of dry martini with olive and twist on the side. What a perfect West Village morning: sunny, breezy, and boozy. By the time we sat down for breakfast, I was a little buzzed, again. But nothing a plate fluffy scrambled eggs and caviar, waffle with berry compotes, croque madame, and another bottle of bubbly rosé can’t fix. We then spent the afternoon roaming around Soho, shopping for all the things we convinced ourselves we desperately needed - Hello new Thom Browne fragrance! It’s a quarter to eight, we were dressed to the nines, ready for a 10/10 night out in New York City. Our plan to have a chic pre-dinner cocktail at Polo Bar was cancelled because someone (aka me) forgot to call and make a reso, and it was packed there. We had to settle for the King Cole Bar across the street where the drinks were meh and the price tag was awfully expensive (no more $25, bland, overly spicy Red Snapper for us) - I went in purely to relive my Andy Sachs’ Harry Potter unpublished manuscript moment and nothing more. Dinner tonight was at the hyped up Korean steakhouse Cote in Flatiron. The one Michelin-starred restaurant is all about high quality meat, delectable side dishes, and impressive wine list (Their beverage director is such a star!). Here’s the thing, if you can make a hanger steak taste so succulently delicious, you’re doing something right. That’s exactly what they do at Cote. The steak (aside from the Galbi) is prepared in the simplest fashion: heat and salt, no marinade, no spices, no nothing - it was perfect. The service was impeccable, the timing of each dish was flawless. With a tummy filled with steak, scallion salad, and rice, we decided to walk our way back to the West Village - seemed crazy far, but at that point, it was necessary. We made it to Dante, who recently crowned #1 bar in the world, so naturally it was very busy. The apero-focused bar is famous for their ‘Negroni Sessions’, which is impressive and can be adventurous. From the most classic, to the most unexpected variation with tequila, banana and pineapple shrub, they do it, and they do it well. If you’re in the mood to splurge (we weren’t lol), their vintage martini is absolutely worth the $65 price tag (the Plymouth gin from ‘60s alone is drool-worthy). I, decided to go for the Olivette: a savoury, brine-y, less serious cousin of the vesper. We then visited Katana Kitten. Another bar in the village that scored a spot in this year’s 50 Best Bars, number 14 to be exact. It’s a fun (the owner Masahiro Urushido is also quite a legend), non pretentious neighbourhood bar with playful and whimsical cocktails. I obviously started with a Hinoki martini, yet another variation of the vesper, while Handika was having a slushy, boozy, crushed-icy ‘dessert’ (didn’t count as a drink, apparently). It was difficult to have just one drink here: would you skip on a yuzu-sisho daiquiri? how about a genever-based negroni with umeshu? or a calpico swizzle? Ya I don’t think so either. We had one of each, plus a another sisho G&T, and the classic highball. YOLO. For the sake of settling our argument on the best Manhattan in Manhattan, I invited Doris to join us at Employees Only across the street from Katana Kitten, conveniently. By the time we saw each other, my Manhattan was gone, and I was drinking a Monkey 47 martini yet again. That’s about all I can recall from that night. Oh wait, there was a tequila shot and another Manhattan - the end. Monday morning - not enough Pedialyte, water nor Advil in the world to bring me back to life. I, somehow, managed to meet Patrick for coffee, had a bite of a mushroom toast, and stayed alive. I made it back to the hotel just in time for a much-needed nap before check out and a trip to Williamsburg for lunch. It was rough. I kept telling myself another lie of “I’m never drinking again” for the 30 minute subway ride to Peter Luger. Peter Luger is a classic: steak (yes, another one), burger, with a side of onion, tomatoes, and fries. We then gathered enough energy to get to DUMBO for a picture of two (hundreds) before saying goodbye to each other - sad. I zipped back downtown for a meeting. A VERY EXCITING MEETING. I got the pleasure to visit the Bon Appetit test kitchen, thanks for the my lovely host Chris Morocco (Yes - we’re friends now HA!). it’s only appropriate that I wore my ‘Thirsty for Andy’ t-shirt - Andy was there, and we obvs. bonded over my OOTD. Claire was doing her ‘Gourmet Makes’, Carla was there, Molly too, Oh I also got to meet Alex Delany and Em Scultz too. It’s a casual Monday afternoon at BA test kitchen. It’s now cocktail hour and the one man I got to meet this time was the man everyone needs in their life: mister Steven Huynh himself. An instagram-turned-real-life-friend that I’ve known for 7 years. We met for the first time that night and we got along over dry martini-inspired cocktails and crudité at Thomas Keller’s TAK room (in the Hudson Yards). Sitting at the bar at TAK room feels luxurious but not intimidating. The bar team was friendly, interactive, and passionate about amaro. They even took us downstairs to check out the vintage amaro collections at their speakeasy, Bookbinder. After a snack break, we visited David Chang’s new restaurant Kawi downstairs. Steven had a pineapple rum daiquiri, I, had a ‘New Fashioned’ - a play of the classic Old Fashioned with coconut-washed Japanese whisky, sencha and bitters. It was delicious. The buzz is back on, and I felt so much better (HA!). Our next stop was The Nomad Hotel - our absolute favorite. We felt like we’re home right away, especially after a delicious Monkey 47 martini (Nobody’s counting, right?). Zanib joined us later that night for a negroni, and of course, I had to refresh my almost empty drink. Another friend Erik joined us for one more drink. Things started to get blurry real quick, I recall there was a Manhattan, a Brooklyn, a rum cocktail of some sort, fried chicken, and a Macallan 12 at one point before we’re back in the car for a nightcap at Blacktail. A tiki-focused sister bar of Dead Rabbit. We’re welcomed by a pink slushy daiquiri, and the bartender made me a delicious, stirred rum cocktail to sip on - don’t ask what it’s called. I finally tapped out and made my way back to Brooklyn. With close to zero voice, I got to Newark and flew back to Vancouver via. Denver - yes, I made a stop to Death and Co for a Sazerac-esque cocktail called the Uncanny Valley and a lobster ceviche. Here I am two weeks later, still recovering from the worst sore throat of my life, slowly getting my voice back (still can’t hit Mariah’s note tho :s). Will I do it again? ABSOLUTELY! Thanks for the amazing time New York - until next time!

starhearth: episode two

First Month of Spring, Days 5-7

With a new morning dawning it’s time to really start getting this colony underway. Our motley little crew are still flush with the spirit of pioneering (very Star Trek of them) and have supplies to last a while, but they won’t be satisfied with sleeping on the ground and eating plates of berries around a campfire forever. They’ll be needing beds, and a roof over their heads, and more food, preferably before all those plates of berries run out.

[ID: A screenshot showing a small patch of trees by a lake with a square boundary marked, within which are a few cages.]

First off, Uhura is assigned a little patch of territory near the stockpile to do her trapping in. This will at least supply us with a considerable amount of dried jerky, which will keep the crew from starving if all else fails.  Then it’s time to consider our first building.

Stonehearth comes with a few pre-made building templates, but by and large you’re expected to design your own; once designed and placed in the world, your hearthlings will construct them from your stockpiled materials. I’m not exactly what you might call good at designing buildings, but fortunately hearthlings aren’t too picky about architecture and even I can manage to stick a few walls and a roof together. This first building is basically just one big room with a couple of smaller rooms attached, which is meant to eventually serve as a kind of tavern/dining hall, but more immediately will give everyone a place to sleep and eat inside until we can build some individual houses.

The finished schematic (such as it is) calls for a bit more wood than we currently have, but there are some trees in the way of where I want to put it anyway so that works out alright. A few people are sent to cut down those trees; in the meantime, Kirk studiously patrols around the camp, while McCoy crafts himself a Herbalist’s Workbench, which he’ll need to craft other things.

Once the trees are down, the building is placed in a spot close to the lake, next to a young chestnut tree. The chestnut tree isn’t strictly necessary. It just seemed nice.

Time to start building! It’s going to take rather a while, though, because Trappers, Herbalists and Footmen can’t build, so it’s just Scotty and Sulu working on it for now. And with Scotty initially busy making the doors and windows, it’s left to Sulu alone to begin laying the flooring. Unfortunately, he’s chosen to do this while drunk.

[ID: A screenshot showing a close-up on Sulu’s character bar, with a small icon on the side showing a mug of beer, with an accompanying description window which reads: “Light-headed: Having a merry time! Maybe a bit too much...Oh, well. Courage is increased. Diligence, Willpower, Speed and Stamina are slightly decreased. Crafting takes longer and has less chances of producing high quality items. This hearthling is less menacing to enemies. This hearthling will want to engage in conversations and sleep a lot more than usual.”]

Kids! Don’t try this at home. Combining carpentry and alcohol rarely ends well.

Then he falls asleep on the spot. Oh well, that might be for the best. At least now he won’t wind up nailing his own hand to the floor.

[ID: A screenshot showing Sulu, laying fast asleep on a partly finished floor with a couple of Z’s coming from him.]

Having finished his workbench, McCoy goes to gather some herbs and edible mushrooms, starting a makeshift garden next to the stockpile. Meanwhile, Scotty has finished building all the furniture for the tavern, which has raised him up to Level 2. With that done he can start helping Sulu build the actual structure.

The next day brings us a couple pieces of welcome news. The first is that a passing explorer has happened by and they’ve got an offer for us.

[ID: A screenshot of a message box titled ‘An Explorer Approaches Your Town.’ Below that, the text reads, “Hello Enterprise! I am an explorer from far to the east who deals in various amounts of trade and collection. Recently I found 2 Autonomous Cricket Golem just sitting next to the road. I’m not sure who left them there, but they’re quite helpful at cleaning up! I don’t have much use for them myself, but a nearby village said they are in need of 5 Wooden Window Frame. I will be relaxing nearby for 5 days...would you be interested in a trade at that time?”]

This is a stroke of luck, especially so early on. Cricket golems will haul items, meaning hearthlings have to spend less time doing it, which is especially helpful given that hearthlings kind of suck at cleaning up after themselves and tend to drop things all over the place. Also, they’re super cute. We definitely want these, and Scotty can easily crank out those window frames in time, so the offer is quickly accepted.

The other good news is our Daily Update. The Daily Update checks your town’s total net worth and your total amount of provisions, and if both are high enough, a new villager will come to stay. And today, we’ve got enough!

[ID: A screenshot showing a message box titled ‘Daily Update.’ The box reads “Immigration Report: Day 7 of Bittermun, 1000. Enterprise population: 5. Next hearthling requirements...” Below this are two icons, both with a green checkmark on them, one a basket containing a pumpkin and one a chest containing some gold. The icon is labeled ‘Food 117/50’ and the second is labeled ‘Net Worth 545/275’. Below that the text reads, “A new settler would like to join your town!”]

New villagers will have randomly generated names, appearances, stats and traits, and while you can freely change their names at any time, the only way to get new stats and traits is to save immediately beforehand and then reload until you get one you want. Which I...may have done. A few times.

In the end (I’m gonna decline to comment on exactly how long this took) we’ve got a newcomer with 4 mind, 6 body, and 3 spirit, with two traits: Animal Companion (this time, the animal is a fox) and Storm Chaser (which...I’m not actually sure what that one does, but my best guess is that it gives them a happiness boost in stormy weather).

By default in Stonehearth you’re not able to change the appearance of any hearthlings aside from your starting five. In the interests of having everyone look somewhat remotely recognizable as themselves, I employed a mod that lets you change the appearance of new villagers. The downside to this is that the town quickly wound up becoming remarkably homogeneous, but, well, that’s TOS for you.

At any rate, our new villager has the stats to be a good combat unit, and we’ll need an archer eventually, so I decided to make this one Chekov. Because...firing phasers is kind of like firing arrows...look, just go with me on this.

[ID: A screenshot showing a hearthling with brown hair and brown eyes standing next to a fox. Below him the description box reads “Pavel Chekov—Worker.”]

For the moment, however, we need more hands to build the tavern more than we need an archer, so Chekov won’t be taking up his job for a while yet. While he gets to work helping Scotty and Sulu, McCoy harvests some nearby berry bushes and makes some healing potions—more because he needs the experience than because we need healing potions, but hey, they might come in handy.

With the additional help the floor of the tavern is soon finished, and work begins on putting the walls up. But it’ll still be a while before it’s done and in the meantime, sleeping on the ground is making everyone grumpy, so Scotty’s made some extremely basic beds, which are put out near the fire. Before all the beds are even placed, Sulu and McCoy have passed out in a couple of them.

[ID: A screenshot near the campfire, showing two beds placed in a row, with the outlines of three beds still to be placed. McCoy and Sulu are each sleeping in a bed while Scotty sits nearby eating some berries.]

Apparently it’s been a tiring day.

Written by Guest Contributor on The Prepper Journal.

Editors Note: An article from Will Scott at the Optics Empire to The Prepper Journal. If you have information for Preppers that you would like to share then enter into the Prepper Writing Contest with a chance to win one of three Amazon Gift Cards with the top prize being a $300 card to purchase your own prepping supplies!

Have you ever found yourself helpless before? In a helpless situation you may have the necessary tools with you, but without the right skills, those tools are almost worthless! For instance, having a bow but not knowing how to use it is pretty useless, wouldn’t you say?

If you are new to prepping and want to learn the most basic survival skills to help you see another day when disaster strikes, then you have come to the right article.

Every day, unplanned things happen such as hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and wildfires, which end up destroying a lot of property forcing innocent people into abrupt survival. That’s why every individual has to be prepared and have the mentality of “If SHTF happens, what next?” Having the following basic survival skills is crucial to your survival in a disaster:

Constructing a Survival Shelter

The first thing to do in order to survive in the wilderness is to create a roof over your head. The human body is not created to withstand extreme weather conditions such as extreme cold, extreme heat, heavy rains, strong winds or deep snow for very long.

In areas with hot temperatures like the desert, we can become dehydrated very quickly. While in extremely cold environments, we might suffer from frostbite or hypothermia. Therefore, building a shelter in the wild will help you prevent dehydration due to water loss as well as sunburn, windburn, and heat loss.

When building a shelter, ensure that you choose level and higher ground. It should be away from hazards like falling branches or flood-prone areas. The place should be secure from strong winds and heavy rains. Materials like wood or dry leaves should cover the floor of the shelter for insulation.

Anything else can wait but not a shelter, especially in extreme weather conditions. So, learn what materials you can use to create shelter in the area if you don’t have any.

Discovering Water Sources

Your body can do without water for some time, but not for long, you are in danger after 3 days and in serious danger by day 5. Water plays an important part in re-hydrating our bodies. Without it, the body will not function well. Actually, the human body is made up of about 50% – 65% water. So, the body needs water. The general rule is 4 minutes without air, 24 hours without shelter (less than half that in severe cold or heat), 4 days without water and 14 days without food – all depending on your age, weight, physical condition and one and on.

In the wilderness, you will come across two types of water. Clean water and unclean water, or potable and non-potable. No matter how fresh the water source is always assume it is not safe to drink. Water that could be fit for drinking in the wild used to includes spring water, snow, rain, and dew. But pesticides, and pollution have changed that game. Know how to filter the water you can be collected by various means such as using your bandanna or a cloth.

Other sources of water such as ponds, streams or any other stagnant water will have to be boiled before it is consumed. Boiling kills infectious agents in the water, but sometimes, it is not very effective. Plants like thistles, vines, and particular types of cacti can also be cut to produce water.

Starting a Fire Without Matches

Starting a fire is one of the most essential wilderness survival skills that you need to learn. With a fire, you can keep your body warm, cook food, and boil water. It also provides you with illumination and it can give you some sense of security as it tends to scares off wild animals with the bonus effect of being a signal to alert rescuers.

When going out in the wild, you should always have a fire starting tool like steel, a lighter, matches, tinder, batteries, etc… But if you don’t have one, you should know how to start a fire using one of the primitive or friction-based fires making methods. Some of the famous methods include the hand drill, bow drill, fire plow, and traditional lenses.

Having knowledge of how to start a fire with the materials in your area and in extreme weather conditions is a life-saving skill.

Know Some Basic Survival Medical Skills and Herbal Medicines

With everyone running helter-skelter, there will be no one to attend to you in case you’re injured or wounded. Learning some basic first aid skills will help you treat yourself and move on. At this time, an injury will only worsen your situation and treating it quickly should be your priority. Basic items like a shirt or a belt can be of great use.

For those in the wilderness with no first aid at their disposal, knowing what herbal medicines can be used will be of great help. There are many medicinal wild plants out there that can be used to cure various ailments. You just need to identify them. Below are some of the medicinal plants to look for in the wild:

Plantain – it can be used to relive venomous stings and bites. It is not effective for snake bites, even the small non-venomous bites which, if they break the skin, introduce bacteria into your system

Lavender – it can be used to treat burns, repel insects, including scorpions, and alleviate itching

Blackberry – they are great for relieving diarrhea

Elderberry – it does a great job of healing wounds

Dandelion – it stimulates digestion

Burdock – it is wonderful at purifying blood and a good liver tonic

Comfrey – it treats burns, arthritis, sprains, and bruises

Yarrow – it is an amazing herb for treating cuts and wounds.

Learn How to Find Edible Food and Grow It

When disaster strikes, people will run to stores and empty them out quickly. Some won’t have the chance to grab food and will need to devise new ways of looking for food. After all, no human can stay for 3 weeks on a hungry stomach. You will definitely die.

To sustain yourself and family in the wild, you will be forced to search for food using different means. Methods like hunting, creating traps, fishing, gathering, and growing food, will become the order of the day. But you will have to differentiate between edible foods and poisonous ones. For example, edible mushrooms look similar to the poisonous ones. Things to eat include birds, fish, small game, wild greens, nuts, grains, eggs, fruits, and berries.

In some places, you will find nuts, while in others you will come across foods that you have never seen before. The rule is not to eat what you are familiar with, but what you can eat. Read guides that show you how to eat certain insects and wild plants. If you are close to a water source like a river, pond, or lake, fish will be a great source of food.

And if the disaster is very devastating, growing food may become another option. Some of the edible plants in the USA are conifers, dandelions, oaks, cattail, and walnuts.

Learn Different Ways of Defending Yourself

When hell breaks loose, no one is safe. People will go to a greater extent to steal your supplies and run away. That’s why you need to have a firearm or a protection tool, and at the same time, understand how to use it. If any person tries to mess with your family, the weapon that you have at the time should help you defend them. This can be a machete, a gun, a tactical knife, a club, even a lead pipe.

In the outdoors, such tools may not exist and you may be forced to form your own tools. Different tools can be carved out of stones or items that you find in the wild. These are arrowheads, fish hooks, ax heads, and scrapers. They will help you to protect yourself, fish, hunt, make shelter, and play many other roles. Hence, it is important that you learn how to make and use these weapons for your own good.

Know How to Navigate to Safety

If you don’t have a GPS, compass or map to show you where you’re, there is no need to panic. As long as you have navigating skills, you will find your way around the wilderness. This will prevent you from going in the wrong direction or in danger. Things around you can help you navigate easily. These include:

The sun – usually, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. With this knowledge, you can easily determine which direction is the north and south, respectively. Just draw the directions on the surface and use them to get to a safe area or to your destination.

Stars – the sun helps you during the day and stars at night. At night, in the northern hemisphere, you should search for Polaris. It is normally situated in the handle of the little dipper. When you find it, you will be facing in the north. Draw other directions from it.

Landmarks – apart from using heavenly bodies, you can also use natural and artificial landmarks to navigate around. Look for rivers, lakes, mountains, buildings, roads, bridges, etc… Using these landmarks together with the help of the sun and stars should get you to your desired destination.

Know How to Make a Signal

Having knowledge of how to get the attention of rescuers if you’re in dire need of help is crucial. With large tracts of land and covering on the ground, it can be difficult for rescuers to find you. However, you can use smoke or a glass lens to draw their attention.

Using smoke – light a fire on a raised area like on a hill. The place should be free of obstructions like trees and cliffs which may saturate or change the direction of the smoke. The smoke/fire should be very visible so that rescuers can see it from a distance. Once a fire is started, dried and green leaves produce more smoke, as do greener branches from trees

Contact lenses – yes, something as small as a contact lens can reflect light, as well as the usual, a mirror, any thing made of shiny metal, the lenses of binoculars or a rifle scope.

With such knowledge, rescuers or well-wishers will find you very easily. But also, you should use this signal at the right time. In a SHTF world it may attract bad company.

Condition Your Mind to Adjust to the Unexpected

The best weapon you can have as a survivalist is to prepare your mind to adjust to emergency situations. Train yourself on how you can use available items for survival and what next step to take. You should as well have a plan and let your family know about it in case of SHTF.

Whether you’re a prepper or not, you should always be prepared as you go outdoors. After all, disasters don’t always announce when they are about to happen. Hence, carry some survival tools on you on a daily basis. A Swiss knife, tactical flashlight, card tool, wallet, and tactical knife are a great start; invest in an EDC (Everyday Carry bag) and carry it everyday. They are not a burden to carry and will save you in many tricky situations.

Conclusion

After going through our top 9 basic outdoor survival skills that you need to master, it is vital that you practice them and be prepared for SHTF. Simply knowing about them without physically practicing them will not help. Read survival guides, outdoor survival books, and watch survival videos. If possible, enroll for a survival course. Additionally, understand your area well and what disasters are likely to occur. Understand the Golden Hoard and plan around it. This will help you learn skills that will assist you to survive if disaster strikes.

Do you live by the sea? Does your area have an active volcano? Or is your state prone to earthquakes? Whatever the disaster, you need to know where to go to and how to survive before everything returns to normal.

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from The Prepper Journal Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

I'm the anon that asked about clothes, thanks so much for such a detailed answer! I'm super into lore and worldbuilding too so it's been really nice to hear all these details! So my next question is what's the cuisine and drinks of the 3 groups like? I'm a little curious about whether Clan Maghnus could make a more traditional Cine drink or dish with the stuff they got on Divio!

Oh, food question! This covers both my interest in food and my interest in worldbuilding. I’m so happy right now.

The Iskendi

Oddly, we’ve probably had the most exposure to Iskendi cuisine so far. Being a seafaring people, the Iskendi unsurprisingly eat a lot of fish, shellfish, and so on. Other staple meats include birds, mostly chickens, which they raise on their island settlements, as chickens are comparatively easy to move in the case that one of those needs to pick up and disappear in a hurry. Red meats by contrast are occasional at best, picked up sometimes when the Iskendi raid coastal Castulian settlements with more agriculture.

Iskendi horticulture focuses on easier-to-grow staples like tomatoes, lettuce, onions, carrots, and so on. Several types of fruit also grow wild on the outlying islands, like coconuts, olives, peaches, pineapples, figs, and citrus fruits, so those make appearances in Iskendi dishes as well. The culture as a whole favors heavy spice in their foods, so a lot of those are grown alongside vegetables and herbs or else used liberally after theft. The prominence of magic in Iskendi society allows for more involved cooking processes than their supplies would ordinarily permit, so there’s actually a wide variety of preparation methods on offer. The Iskendi have to steal more processed products like dairy, flour, and so on, so sweet items are rare and always a luxury (except fruits).

As far as drinks go, the region around Tarracina was once known for twice-wine (brandy), which the Iskendi were very good at making. Those who live in the Empire still do make it, but outward shipments of it are a favored target of raiders, which has had interesting effects on the trade, to say the least. Other forms of spiced alcohol and unsweetened fruit juice are popular, but of course the most common beverage is water.

This is only sort of related, but pipe-smoking is fairly common among the Iskendi, and so invariably some space in a garden plot is devoted to cannabis plants, which are most often smoked as hashish.

The Cine

Clan Maghnus’s diet was mostly what could be hunted, gathered, or stolen, and this is pretty typical of the Cine, especially the small clans. Larger ones can trade sometimes, and so they have more options on the whole. Game is usually the centerpiece of Cine cuisine, from rabbits to pheasant to really big animals like elk and the like, whatever’s available. Individual gardens, small as they are, usually focus on hardier root vegetables like potatoes and beets, and herbs like fennel and mustard greens. Roasts, stews, and other simple methods of preparation are the most frequent, and the Cine have pretty reliable methods of preservation made possible by long, cold winters. They can and do fish, but fish don’t have quite the same central place in the diet as other kinds of meat. Mushrooms, nuts, berries, and other gatherables are also common supplements, and drying the berries especially is the main method of producing anything worth the name ‘dessert.’

The popular drinks tend to be alcohols, usually stolen, though there is a sort of not-very-great potato-based spirit that the Cine make and use mostly for the purpose of making other alcohol stronger. (It tastes terrible that way, so people only really do this if the purpose of drinking is getting drunk.) Drinking the potato-alcohol straight is the kind of thing younger people of a certain demeanor might challenge each other to do, and almost always regret the next morning.

Castulia

The Empire doesn’t have a scarcity of resource problem at all, and the efficient nature of imperial roadways means that goods from one end of Castulia can reach the other ends without too many problems. This results in varied, rich cuisine and an appreciation for the craft of cooking and the implements necessary to ply it. There’s influence in there from tons of cultures, and so the sheer range of not only food items but preparation styles is extraordinary. Traditional Castulian cuisine focuses on warm-weather grains, vegetables, fruits, a milder dose of spices than Iskendi food, dairy, and fish. More red meat, poultry, and the like have been easily accepted into the mainstream diet, however. Many Castulians are effectively vegetarian, as the wide selection of food and relative cheapness of agricultural products make this a very viable and cost-efficient way to live.

The favored alcohol of most Castulians is (grape) wine, and they’re very good at making it. It’s common to drink at any meal, albeit watered in the daytime. Other brews, such as beer, rice wine, and alcohol distilled from other fruits and grains are readily available as well.

There’s a particular enjoyment of desserts in Castulia, as the accessibility of refined sugar and flour among other things means that people can fairly freely experiment with pies, pastries, cakes, and cookies. There are some mages who’ve made quite a stir out of the construction of a puffy, egg-based dish that seems to require careful spellwork to keep from collapsing before it’s ready.

(I apologize for the soufflé joke. Sort of.)

Session 21: 28 Nov 2020

What were we doing? Oh right, looking for Raeph. He’s NOT Tarragon’s boyfriend, GODDDDD. We are headed toward Eihshara, in the High Forest. We take a long rest, phew!

Melaina and Gunna lead the charge, as Gunna has been making maps and Melaina is from here. Apparently Ahleqs is still blue, and will be until he either sneezes or the Remove Curse spell is cast on him. (Nope - the beard of feathers lasts until he sneezes. He has not done so.) 

We reach the High Forest. We spend the day walking through it; any gathering done in here yields an extra 1 of whatever you’re gathering as the forest is so rich. Gunna asks Tarragon if she can keep an eye out for a certain sort of hallucinogenic mushrooms; she agrees.

As we eat, Tarragon hears something scrabbling; it doesn’t sound like an animal. She goes to investigate. She can’t see anything but goes back to the group. We continue on but quietly; Melaina climbs a tree and has a look - she sees a giant owl with a small figure on the back. It is watching us, but hasn’t seen Melaina. It’s circling around under the canopy of the giant trees. She shouts: “WHO ARE YOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING”, makes a performance check and rolls a 3.

The figure still doesn’t seem to notice her. We decide to make ourselves known; no point the thing hunting us if we know it’s there.

The owl alights - there is a gnome on its back. Tarragon: ‘Eyyyy!’ His name is Fidget. 

He nods at us, but seems wary of Kessler. (Mina isn’t here yet.) Melaina tells her to stop swearing and put her clothes back on. He doesn’t want to see her Muppet Babies tattoo. (That’s canon now.) We all start singing the only bit of the Muppet Babies theme we can remember; the bit that goes “Muppet Babies”.

We’re going the right way toward Eihshara, continue on up the Unicorn Run for a few more days. Fidget gives Tarragon a little mechanical bug. He says to follow the green lights and the mechanical bug will lead us to Fidget’s town, and we can resupply if Tarragon will vouch for Kessler (gnomes don’t generally trust goblins). It’s enchanted to be hidden, as gnomish settlements tend to be.

Mina arrives and Kessler promises to be on her best behaviour; she even sets her armour to stealth mode so it’s less scary to look at.

Tarragon starts to spot some green lights in the trees. We follow them until we arrive at a clearing with a river. The village materialises in front of us. Fidget and his owl approach and welcome us to Finkletoog.

Ahleqs asks if there’s a tavern, as he quite fancies either a ploughman’s or scampi and chips. Definitely not a pickled egg in a packet of crisps though. (The smell still haunts Matthew in his nightmares.)

Ahleqs has a thought and goes off to check if everything’s blue; he comes back and is quiet for a bit.

Ahleqs and Melaina; ale and pie of the day, Kessler: ale, pie and chips, Gunna: ale and meat cheese and bread no salad. Totally zero salad, not even a garnish. Tarragon promises to pass on his request, and remove the garnish if it is ignored. She has a vegetable pie.

We sit outside to eat as the bigjobs won’t fit. We look around and see a lot of shops including a tinkerer’s shop. The gnomes are polite but they all give Kessler wary looks. Nobody is rude, however. She smiles and waves whenever she catches someone’s eye; the smiles are warily returned.

Some of us get rations from the inn. Tarragon doesn’t intend to, until Ahleqs comes back out with some potato salad in his; she goes in and buys two days’ worth. Gunna buys us all drinks in our first chance to make merry since the misery house, to thank us all for stopping him from being dead.

These gnomes know how to drink; a regular ale is regular sized. Gunna says he may get another round in. Ahleqs and Tarragon go to the tinkerer’s to buy potions. The shopkeeper comes out to greet us since Ahleqs won’t fit.

Tarragon buys a couple of vials of anti-toxin; Ahleqs has to pass a persuasion check to get his healing potions for the same price offered to Tarragon. (lol.)

Kessler wants to buy some Greater healing potions, but they are 250gp each so she gets some regulars instead.

Gideon arrives and does a massive burp.

Melaina asks to buy 10 Regular Healing Potions for 300 gold and rolls 18 Persuasion. Woohoo! Gunna pitches in 100, as does Kessler. We all pitch in to cover the rest.

Melaina buys some arrows and haggles over them. (Apparently she is this group’s Vex’ahlia. Somewhere, Laura Bailey approves.)

Kessler buys some silvered arrows.

As we go to leave, Fidget tells Tarragon she can keep the bug in case we ever come back.

Follow Unicorn Run NE to halfling village Halfstone Coppice. Follow river toward mountains and we will reach Eihshara.

Kessler asks Tarragon as we leave if she did okay; Tarragon tells her that yes she did and that she’s proud of her. Kessler immediately ruins it by trying to bite Gideon. Ahleqs has named his donkey Clarence, and doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl.

Tarragon forages and Gunna hunts a deer and is successful, possibly only because Tarragon casts Entangle on Ahleqs to keep him from crashing around the forest and scaring all the animals. The deer is large enough that there is food for the meat eaters and some over to smoke and add to his rations. Tarragon finds enough berries that she can add some to her rations as well. She doesn’t find any of Gunna’s mushrooms though. Ahleqs is still Entangled when she arrives back to drop the spell, having accepted his fate.

Kessler sets up her alarm spell and takes first watch, which passes uneventfully. She wakes Tarragon politely, and everyone is pleased. Nothing concerning on watch 2; Tarragon spots some fey creatures, but nothing threatening. Melaina is next, and gets advantage on Perception as she’s on her home ground. Again, nothing threatening.

We set off the next morning and follow the river. In the afternoon, we see what we assume is the halfling village. Ahleqs announces that his bum hurts; he’s got saddle sores.

Melaina and Tarragon see tiny figures (halflings) running into the houses and shutting the doors and others chasing them with weapons. They are goblins. Gasp!

Kessler mentions spit-roasting; well, that’s twenty minutes of arsing about right there. We pull ourselves together and rush toward the peril.

Gideon sees some of the halflings through a window; they look more rough and ready than the halflings we’re used to seeing in the cities. More feral.

Kessler goes first; she shouts in Goblin and asks to speak to their leader. It asks why she’s with us; she tells it that we work for her. It indicates Gideon and says that goblins never work with (mountain scum? Or something). Gideon’s ears prick up even though he doesn’t speak goblin; it’s as if someone’s called him that before.

Kessler offers to help the goblins. (Oh fuck.) Nat 20 on persuasion. It says it will take her to its leader if she agrees to tie up Gideon; she refuses. She wants it to bring the leader here; dirty 20. The goblin agrees to go and speak to his boss. She has successfully Karen’ed the situation. Gunna follows Kessler’s lead as instructed, speaking pidgin goblin and doing a gross dance.

She asks us not to attack unless they do; Gideon (OOC) screams “FIREBALL!!!”

Popcorn holds an attack; Tarragon hears a female voice asking for help in gnomish in her head (Are these halflings Ghostwise?), and holds Entangle for any evidence that the goblins are attacking the halflings. Gideon shuffles his feet in the dirt, waiting for something to happen.

A bloodied and injured boar comes running up to Kessler - it bites her. Tarragon hears the voice in her head again - but it seems to be coming from the boar. Huh?

Ahleqs casts Mage Armor. Melaina readies her longbow for if the tide turns and it becomes apparent that we are fighting.

One of the goblins shoots at the boar. This is all very confusing. Joe’s audio drops out, but the boar transforms into a female figure - a tiny, raggedy, red headed halfling. Druids, then? Also possibly ghostwise? (How did I not think of Druids… honestly.)

Gunna peers through a window to see a little halfling couple cowering. In his head he hears the girl begging for help; she says the goblins are slavers. That might change things. Gunna thinks really hard with his mind, using all of his magical psychic northman-ness (of which he has none), “I’m gonna help you, we’ll protect you, there’s a plan I’m pretty sure, just hide, hide and we’ll make sure that you’re not dead”. He stands guard by the door until he realises it’s a window, then edges a little closer to the door, making his presence known. He readies an attack if the goblins try to enter the building. However, the warg and its rider are already scratching at the door. He does a thousand-yard Paddington stare at it. He adjusts his triggering condition - if the door breaks, he will attack. He tells Kessler that he hates her plan.

(Ed has been making mead; it turns out that it’s a little stronger than he thought it was. He apologises in advance.)

The goblin returns and says that the boss won’t come and speak to us unless Kessler’s ‘servants’ are restrained. Kessler shoots a lightning bolt at it. And the fight begins in earnest!

Tarragon goes bear and eats a goblin; Kessler is offended so she spits the bits out. Gideon roasts three more with a Scorching Ray. There’s a lot of drunken rambling; Gideon considers fragging Kessler - ‘it’ll be just like Vietnam, no-one will notice’.

Ahleqs casts Eldritch Blast with ToC and natty 20’s it. He maximises the damage of the next spell  - “MR. PICKLES, WITNESS ME!!!!”

Melaina hides and shoots a warg with sharpshooter and hits. 26 damage and kills it. Woohoo!

The warg reconsiders its life choices as it dies; says a few words to its mum and passes with gratitude. The last few months, his heart hasn’t been in it.

Gunna wants to kill a goblin with another goblin; he decides to attack with a longsword instead. 12 hits, but just. He chops it in half, spraying the yellow flowers in the window box with icky green blood. He roars in triumph.

Bear-Tarragon moves south and finds an ogre with a fortification strapped to it, and a bunch of goblins hanging out of that. Well, that’ll be fun for next week!

Gideon Chill-Touches a goblin. it takes 2 necrotic damage.

AHLEQS DOES MAX DAMAGE ON HIS NEXT ATTACK but Duncan is away next weekend and can’t play. Saturday? Saturday? Everyone else good for Saturday? Right, good. Duncan hands Ahleqs’s reins to Matthew.

Thanksgiving 2020 (Recipe Roundup)

As I typed the title to this post, I was suddenly struck with the reality of what the holiday season will be like this year. Not necessarily bad or depressing, just…different. Smaller for sure, with less hectic traveling for many, which in some ways might actually make things more enjoyable. Still, for most of us, it’s not going to be the same. No matter what though, of one thing I am sure: there will be food. And that’s where I come in. So today, I’m sharing a pared-down, more small-gathering-focused slew of tried and true classic recipes for your Turkey Day festivities.

APPETIZERS

Most years, I’d share a bunch of salsas, hot, cheesy dips or sweet and salty nut mixtures, but this year it’s probably not a great idea to have people dipping chips or digging hands into bowls, so I’d say if you need an appetizer at all (and really the meal is the star here, so you probably don’t) I’d maybe do a nice cheese board or something like that and keep it really simple.

THE MAIN COURSE

Once again, I can’t help you with the turkey—that’s my mom’s department (full disclosure: I haven’t ever actually made my own!!) so here are some other “mains” that I think would make a great addition/alternative to your holiday table (I have actually heard that a lot of people are actually mirroring the uncoventionalness of this year and subbing out the traditional turkey for whatever strikes their fancy and smaller crowd).

1. Baked Macaroni and Cheese

2. Macaroni and Cheese, Sheet-Pan Style

3. Lasagne Roll-Ups

4. Roast Chicken with Radishes

5. Easy Paprika Roast Chicken

6. Braised Brisket with Mushrooms and Caramelized Onions

THE SIDES

Normally, I’d share about 20 of these with you. This year the list is much shorter and I really just stuck to the classics. Most of them yield large amounts—you can either halve them or just bask in the glory of having lots of leftovers!!!Also, mashed potatoes are a must-have—but again these are a specialty of my mom, so I’m too intimated to try!!

Mom’s Sweet Potato Casserole

Mom’s Cranberry Jello Mold

Wild Mushroom and Brioche Stuffing

Savory Butternut Squash Crumble

Homemade Whole Berry Cranberry Sauce

Butternut Squash Soup

Roasted Brussels Sprouts with Sherry Vinaigrette

Lemony Caramelized Roasted Brussels Sprouts

Auntie Mirrie’s Roast Potatoes

Holiday Green Bean Casserole with Crispy Shallots

BREADS

All of these are wonderful. Pick one—you can’t go wrong!

1. The Best Cornbread

2. Foolproof Parker House Rolls

3. One-Pan Buttermilk Dinner Rolls

DESSERTS

This is of course where I usually would go all out, baking for a large crew to send home with goody bags and to enjoy at our home all weekend long. This year, I’m scaling way, way back and just sharing ideas for some of my favorite pies and a few cookies, of course!

Pecan Pie or Maple Pecan Tart

Apple Crumb Pie or Cranberry-Apple Crumble Pie or these Apple Hand Pies I just shared earlier this week

Chocolate Caramel Tart

Dark Caramel Custard Pie

Triple Chocolate Cream Pie with Oreo Crust

Cranberry Brown Sugar Tart

Mississippi Mud Ice Cream Pie

Chewy Molasses Cookies

Easy Lemon Almond Biscotti

Chocolate Chocolate Chip Espresso Cookies

Flat, Chewy Heath Bar Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Brown Sugar Pecan Shortbread

Happy Thanksgiving!! Here’s hoping we beat this thing in 2021!! Can’t wait to give everybody a big, non-socially distant hug and kiss!!