#but ive been very nice to this show so far so let me have this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seospicybin · 3 months

Text

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART IV

Seungmin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Seungmin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (8,5k words)

Author's note: Enjoy the last part and let me know what you think about it :)

Even though you've been given the space that you asked for from Seungmin, being on your own makes you feel a little empty inside. Maybe you're so used to having him around and even when you're not in the same room, you know you can always find him nearby.

But this... having this much space doesn't help you find the answer. If anything, you find yourself unable to think or come close to a decision.

You're deep in your thoughts when Zane steps in, finding you lounging on the sun chair next to the cabana.

"Hi," he softly greets with a warm smile.

You return the smile, "Hi."

He comes closer and then sits on the end of the lounger, "How are you doing?"

You fold your hands in front of you and just say whatever is in your head, "I'm doing good," you reply with a normal answer.

Zane nods with his smile that doesn't wear off even for a second as he stares at your face.

"You have a nice smile," you compliment, "A nice, bright smile."

One compliment and he gets flustered already which you find very endearing.

"That's very nice of you. Thank you!" He says with a smile that grows bigger on his face.

He hesitantly places his hand on your knee and rubs his thumb on the skin that's warm from basking under the sun for some time.

"Are you comfortable with me?" He suddenly asks.

"Surprisingly yeah, I do feel comfortable," you honestly answer.

He slides his hand down to your shin, touching you as he speaks, "If you're comfortable with me... just know that my arms are open for you," he says.

Zane is not shy to be very open which is unlike most men you've met who chose to play it cool and have a superiority complex.

"My head is..." you pause to inhale air, "it's a mess right now."

He bobs his head, intently listening to you with his hand constantly rubbing up and down your shin.

"My attention has been shifted," you tell him.

He licks his lower lip and hesitantly asks, "To me?"

"To you, yeah," you confirm with a nod.

"With you, it's just... I don't know how to explain it. I just want to know you," you vaguely answer, unable to crack the need in your head into words.

"Probably because I offer a lot different than most of the men here," he says, sliding his hand down to wrap his hand around your ankle.

He squints as he looks at the sun then looks back at you with an intense stare into your eyes, "Fairly speaking, you haven't had a chance to learn about me," he says.

That's true. Things could have gone differently if Zane came before Seungmin and it's only fair if you give him the same chance you've given to Seungmin.

"Tell me something about yourself then," you let him have his chance.

Zane thinks for a moment for a piece of himself he wants to share with you.

"I grew up without a father so it's been just me and my mom.. all my life," he openly shares.

You didn't expect him to share a very personal thing about himself but you appreciate him for that.

"That's crazy because I went through the same thing too. My father walked out on me when I was five," you share back.

It's even crazier that you open up to him more than you intend to but maybe that proves a connection is there.

"I can relate to that cause I know the pain and that's something you and I could connect on a whole different level," Zane says, finding something in common with you that would help both of you to bond.

Zane rests his hand on your knee again and deeply looks into your eyes.

"I don't want you to think that I'm just my looks. There's far more than what you see," He adds with his smile disappearing from his face only to show you how earnest he is about his words. For now, you decide to take his words into account to see if there's a connection between you and him.

YOU: I'm getting to know Zane better but the fact that I care about Seungmin is making the whole situation even harder for me.

Something keeps tugging on your chest and as you go about your day, it keeps weighing you down and down, making it harder for you to breathe. You take advantage of the empty dressing room just to be with yourself but being alone with your own thoughts is not it either.

Someone walks into the room and your head turns to see who it is.

Vale makes his way to sit on the chair next to yours which is the one Adriana usually used to sit. He only smiles at you and does not say anything until he knows you accept his presence well.

"How are you?" Vale asks.

"I'm not doing good," you honestly say with a sad smile on.

Vale thinly smiles and rests both hands on the armrest of the chair.

"So... where are you at with Seungmin and Zane and all of your men?" He playfully asks as he leans back on the chair.

If there's someone you can safely share your deepest thoughts with it's with Vale so you let yourself open and pour all your worries to him to see if he can help you make up your mind. You pull your legs up and hug them as you sit facing him on your chair, "I feel bad to say it but I want to get to know Zane," you answer.

"Is it because he's hot?" He asks with a low laugh.

You chuckle at that, "Well, that's like ... my old tendency," you playfully respond.

"It was fun and game at first then I realized that there could be something deeper than that. That's one of the reasons why I am drawn to Zane," you explain as best as you can about the dilemma you're going through right now.

Vale does his thing of rubbing his beard as he talks, "What are you going to do now?"

You shake your head, feeling even more confused whenever someone asks you that.

"I honestly don't know," you honestly answer, "but I am leaning towards Zane at this moment."

You throw your head back and stare at the ceiling as you let yourself be completely open and bare.

"I don't know it's the connection that I have with Zane and that we could be a potential match or..." You rake your hair to the back and sigh, "I'm running from Seungmin."

It's not hard to know what Vale thinks, there's a big chance that he thinks it's the latter but the only one who knows what you truly feel is yourself, no one doesn't know how confusing it is for you. Your head feels like it's about to explode from all the thinking that it's taking a toll on you and tears are forming in your eyes as you stare at the void.

"I don't know what to do," you mutter with a quivering voice.

Vale grabs your hand and holds it tight, letting you know that you're not alone and you have his back.

"I don't want to give you unsolicited advice or preaching you but do you want to hear what I think?" He politely asks.

You nod with tears already pooling on the corner of your eyes and you quickly dab it with the heel of your hand.

Vale leans forward and looks at you as he utters his thoughts at you, "I think it would be unfortunate to see your abandonment or trust issues get in the way of your connection," he says.

However, Vale decides to not force his thought on you, he places his other hand on you, sandwiching your hand between his.

"You have a big decision to make because if you choose Zane then you'll lose Seungmin," Vale simplifies things for you.

You're aware of the things you could've gained and lost if you choose one over another because apparently, you can't have it all and the world sucks like that.

YOU: This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make [exhales air]

The amount of make-up you put on wouldn't be enough to cover what you truly feel underneath. Your head is close to short-circuiting from thinking day in and day out, trying to find the answers to everything. However, Zane always finds you there, sitting alone, and uses it as a chance to make a move on you. You don't mind at all, you need all the distraction you need but more importantly, some assurances from him.

"What's up?" He asks, taking a seat opposite you.

You stay quiet and assess yourself to find an answer to his simple question.

"There's like... a whirlwind in my head," you answer a few minutes too late.

He looks a little concerned by your answer, "Yeah?"

"I just need to know if this," your hand gestures to him and you, "this connection is real."

Zane understands what you're actually asking him. He leans forward with his elbows planted against his knees, "I think you're beautiful. I think you're sweet. I like your personality, your attitude, I like you as a whole person."

You smile and nod at his compliments, letting him finish with what he has to say to you.

"I think you might be the one," he confidently says.

And that takes you aback. You know that he's not the type to hesitate talking his thoughts out loud but that's just blew you away.

"Do I make you nervous?" He asks with a shy smile.

You stifle a nod.

"There's no one else in this villa that I'm attracted to like that," he adds.

You're not yet able to wrap your head around the fact that Zane is a sweet guy which is the opposite of what he looks like. But you need more than just his good intentions.

"I need to know if there's something there," you tell him.

"There's something there. No doubt," he says with so much faith in his words.

You can't tell if he wants to impress you or if he has that much faith in you two, you can only chuckle and admire his confidence.

"I would love it if we share a bed tonight," His confidence fades a little as he asks you that.

"You know, just to explore our connection," he immediately adds, not wanting to give you the wrong ideas.

Well, that has been your intention all along, to find out if this connection is real or not. However, it's not going to be easy when you have someone's feelings to consider.

"I'll think about it," you tell him.

YOU: If I don't explore things with Zane, then I'll never know if it was a real connection. On the other hand, I really do like Seungmin and I care a lot about him so what am I supposed to do? [Cries] Fuck!

Seungmin is giving you the space you need so he has no idea where things stand between you and Zane or how far you have known each other but he's hoping to hear something from you.

The day almost ends when you finally come up to him and ask, "Can I talk to you?"

Seungmin doesn't want to expect because he doesn't want to be disappointed but he can't help hoping to hear good news from you soon. He follows you to the dressing room and sits on the chairs next to each other. A couple of minutes have passed and you haven't started talking yet.

He looks at you and puts on a smile, "You know you can talk to me."

You return the smile with a sad one and lay your hands flat on your thighs, "You know that I like you and I don't feel what I feel for you for anyone else," you begin.

By you saying that, he guesses that you have something unpleasant to tell him afterward so he prepares himself for the worst.

"Yes," he nods.

"But I... I'm going to sleep with Zane tonight," you say in one breath, not wanting to have to repeat those words to him.

Seungmin always thinks no matter what the situation is he can be mature and handle it well but this hurts. He manages to stay calm but his heart shatters, it's certainly not what he hoped to hear from you.

"I do care about you and that's why I'm telling you this," you say with a trembling breath.

"Okay," he casually responds because that's what his brain can compute at the moment.

You look down at your hands on your lap and sniffle, "I hope you understand that I don't want to walk out of here and wonder 'what if?' I need to see how it goes," you explain.

He understands your good intentions in telling him about this but he can't help it, it's painful to know that you choose someone else over him.

"Thank you for telling me," he calmly says without showing how disappointed he is about this.

You let a moment pass to let everything sink in and then ask, "What do you think?"

Well, what do you think? Seungmin has no other choice but to tell you how he truly feels.

"It's fucking sucks," he bitterly says, letting his anger erupts for a split second.

"I told you I feel something for you that I've never felt with anyone else. I want you in my bed," he utters everything he wants but not getting from you.

He holds the armrest of the chair so hard his knuckle turns white, he quietly inhales air to calm himself down and then continues talking.

"But if you feel like that is your chance at happiness then that's something that I have to give to you," he concludes.

In the end, everyone wants to be happy even though he has to be the one not getting his own happiness, he's willing to do that for you.

"I don't know if this is my chance at happiness, I still need to figure it out," you say with another sniffle.

He can't believe that the first time he feels a sense of love toward someone like this it would hurt this much which only makes him realize how genuine and tremendous his feelings for you.

SEUNGMIN: People say that if you love someone, you set them free and that's what I'm doing here.

In his profession, this is what they call a curveball. It's something difficult and unpleasant to deal with, one that he can't hit away because he didn't see it coming in the first place.

"Aren't you going to bed?" You lowly ask.

Seungmin stares at the void instead of looking at you, "I just need a minute," he says.

You take it as a sign to leave, you rise from your chair and head for the doorway. You stop on the way out to look over your shoulder to say, "Goodnight."

Without looking, Seungmin answers back, "Goodnight."

When he's finally alone in the room, he leans back on his chair and stares at the ceiling as his heart breaks into smithereens.

There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Seungmin can only try to put on a brave face but he's struggling so hard when he sees you on the bed with someone else.

"Oh, no," he can hear someone quietly mutter when he steps into the bedroom.

Everyone can see what is going on in the room, how he walks to his bed with his soul feeling like it has left his body and it's merely just the vessel.

He has to share it with the new girl by default and worse is, the bed is right next to yours and he can hear the low chatter between you and Zane.

"Do you like cuddling?"

"I am, yeah."

"That's just perfect."

Seungmin lays on his bed trying to shut the world and into his head, reminding himself of what kind of person he is, it's a shame that it doesn't work out with you so it's time to give his time to someone who truly acknowledges his worth.

At the end of the day, Seungmin is relieved that he stands his ground and that he will never be the person who has to persuade someone to be with him.

SEUNGMIN: I really like her but this seems like the end for us.

The morning comes and you feel like waking up in an alternate universe. There's nothing wrong with Zane, he's a great guy and you like sharing a bed with him. This feels nice but feels wrong at the same time and you don't know how that happens. He smiles when he notices you're already awake, turning to the side to face you so he can look at your face.

"I can get used to this," he says with a foolish grin on his face.

There's no denying that he likes you and you can see that from the way he treats you, and how he makes you feel comfortable around him but instead of feeling assured, you feel more befuddled.

The lights are on and everyone starts to wake up as well, sleepy faces and all. You refuse to see the bed next to you because you know how that'll make you feel.

"How's everyone sleep?" Elliott asks around while half yawning.

"Good," Jeff shortly replies.

The others give various answers but they're mostly positive then when it comes to Seungmin, you immediately shrink in your bed.

"I didn't sleep at all," He answers.

Everyone knows the reason why but they choose not to meddle further into his business and Lana comes just in time.

"Good morning, everyone."

"Morning, Lana!" Zane excitedly responds, putting his hand on you.

"As we approach the end of the retreat, it is time for our more established couples to start looking towards the future and how their relationships might progress in the outside world," she announces.

You don't know where you stand right now because your head feels like it's been splitting in so many ways, you don't know where you are anymore.

"For those of you who are struggling to commit to a single emotional connection, it is time to focus your energy and make a choice."

Welp, that's you. Lana specifically says that to you and you shrink further in your bed, tempted to hide under the cover like a fucking loser.

"Please consider this today as you do not have long left."

It's like Lana doesn't care about how much pressure she just adds onto you.

"Goodbye," she finishes with a grim farewell.

YOU: Waking up next to Zane feels good but I feel guilty about Seungmin and it only confuses me so much more than before.

The day has just started but it seems like it won't get any better. Vale comes into the dressing room while the girls are still doing their makeup, knocking on someone's closet to get everyone's attention.

"Can you guys gather in the cabana in 10 minutes?"

"Wh–what is it?" Adriana asks in confusion with only one fake eyelash on.

"Is it Lana?" You ask, carefully sipping your coffee.

"Just come to the cabana," he says, skipping on explaining why everyone has to come.

You decide to do your eye makeup later and apply mascara so your eyes won't look tired, not forgetting to put on a tinted lip balm before heading to the cabana with the girls.

The rest are already waiting in there and you guess it must be Lana, you start to get nervous that your time to make a decision has come.

"Which one of you guys broke the rules?" Tom asks.

"No one breaks any rules," Vale says with a chuckle.

Once everyone settles in their seats, Vale gets up and takes a stand in front of everyone. He puts his hands in front of him and then rubs them together.

"So guys, I have something to say here," he starts.

You look up at him because he's just that tall and listen to what he has to say.

He looks at everyone and continues, "My time here has been great."

"No..." Elliott softly gasp.

You don't want to assume but you know what it's about and you don't want to hear it. Everyone seems to get to where he's heading with this conversation.

"No, no!" Adriana exclaims in denial.

Vale sadly chuckles at her reaction and continues talking, "But it's time for me to go."

Everything becomes a blur with tears clouding your eyes and when you close them, you feel tears roll down both of your cheeks, hot and wet, full of sadness.

"It's just what's best and I'm not sad about it, honestly, guys," Vale's voice is trembling in places.

You keep closing your eyes even though you know you can't avoid the reality but it helps you from breaking down.

"I've learned a lot. I made friendships and got to know a group of amazing people here," Vale keeps going with his speech.

You hear sniffles and groans around you, guess you're not the only one brokenhearted by this sudden exit.

"In order for me to progress and get to the next level of personal growth, I would've needed to make an emotional connection, and that—" Vale has to pause to get ahold of his emotions.

"I didn't find that here so uh—" he can't even finish his words without getting emotional.

Vale knows what he wants but he can't find it here so he decides to take himself out of the equation to find it somewhere else and you know Vale will find it, he will because he deserves everything in life if not more.

"It's important that you guys know that it's been amazing here. The best part of this is this," he gestures to everyone in the room, "you guys."

Vale has been nothing but a positive energy in the villa, his kindness and his gentle presence are one of a kind and everyone acknowledges that his exit would make a hole in their hearts.

Tom is holding back his tears to say something to him, "Thank you for being such a positive energy in here, man I– I'm genuinely upset that you leave," he says, choking on his words in the middle.

When it's your turn to bed a farewell, you hug him tightly and cry even harder into his chest. You know it's for the better but you just can't stop the tears from streaming down your face. You can't accept the fact that he leaves at a time when you need him the most.

"You'll figure it out," he mutters on the top of your head as he tenderly rubs your back.

YOU: He's like a big brother to me, he helps me become the person I've become so far I–I'm so devastated that he's leaving [cries]

You take a moment to process Vale's unexpected exit on your own in the bedroom. You get to make peace with it once you remind yourself that it's not the end of your friendship and you'll eventually meet again, one day in the outside world.

You see the bedroom door swing open and see Adriana come through it.

"Hey," she says while quietly closing the bedroom door behind her.

"Hey," you weakly reply, wiping your snotty nose.

She comes to your bed then sits cross-legged facing you, "Just want to check on you. Are you okay?"

You put on a thin smile and prop a pillow behind your head, "I'm okay," you answer.

She nods then takes the cushion into her lap, squeezing on it as she tries to check on your true condition, "How are things?"

It seems like she's no longer asking you about Vale, she asks you about the Zane-Seungmin question. Considering that you don't have much time, you're open to any advice at this point.

"I don't know what to feel. I'm so confused," you honestly answer.

"Do you... feel unfulfilled with Seungmin?" She carefully asks, not trying to offend you in any way.

"No," you immediately reply.

"It's just that when I look at Zane, it's just different from when I look at Seungmin but at the same time, I like Seungmin a lot."

Words can't even justify how you feel and how tangled your thoughts are inside your head.

"I see but do you see a deeper connection with Zane?"

You lightly shake your head, "I don't know."

You take a deep breath and not letting yourself get emotional this time, "I feel like I've been through this so many times because in the past every time a guy came by and caught my attention, I'd immediately jump ship," you share.

Adriana repeatedly nods while her hands are playing with the tassels on the cushion, "Is it because you're not ready for a deeper connection with Seungmin that you're scared?"

That question hits you right in the chest, you know the true answer to that, "I'm scared."

If you pursue Zane, do you think you're making the same mistake you did in the past?" She asks another hard-hitting question.

You can't find the answer to it, "I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," you desperately sigh.

"What is your heart telling you to do?"

You can't find the answer again, "I don't know."

Adriana nods again and tries to conclude what she gets from your answers. She reaches for your shoulder and gently rubs it.

"I think what you and Seungmin have is so beautiful. It'd be sad if you throw that away just because you're scared."

It's indeed beautiful and you don't know why you want to throw that away.

YOU: My head is... all over the place so I'm going to have to give myself some time alone to think.

Everyone in the dressing room is startled to hear the cone chimes. It startles you more that Lana calls for your name the first thing she comes online.

"Yes, Lana?" You answer with a groggy tone.

"Please, can I talk to you privately in the cabana?" Lana politely asks but it's not a question, it's a command.

"Right now?"

"Yes, immediately."

Everyone is giving you uneasy glances but you hurriedly finish your makeup, applying some colors to your cheek before heading to where Lana asks you to be. It feels strange to be there by yourself, you choose to sit in the middle of the sofa and face the cone.

Lana chimes once more and goes straight to business, "As you know, I'm here to help you make deeper, more meaningful connections. I can see you are struggling to commit to just one person."

You guess that Lana has given you the time to make a decision but it's the last chance she's going to give to you. You keep gulping air because you're not ready yet, your mind goes two different ways at once.

"With the retreat nearing an end, I'm offering you the opportunity to make a choice once and for all," Lana says.

You know it's going to end up with Lana taking matters into her own hands and you don't know if that's a good thing.

"You must choose only one to take on a date and in doing so, finally commit to one connection."

You ball your hands into fists on your lap, feeling a mix of feelings and your head is close to exploding.

"Oh, my god," you breathlessly gasp, "I don't know, Lana. I don't know."

Lana doesn't want to hear another excuse from you to avoid making decisions, "You have 15 minutes to make a decision."

Your heart palpation and you feel so stressed thinking about your choices and what's going to happen if you choose one over another.

As you delve deeper into your head and heart, you find yourself in a moment of clarity and realize that Zane is your comfort zone. The reason why you're drawn to him is because he offers something new but there's nothing deeper there.

On the other hand, Seungmin is out of your comfort zone because he actually takes you to new emotional places and you feel things more deeply with him hence why you're so scared.

Fifteen minutes pass in the blink of an eye and Lana asks you the final question, "Who do you choose to go on a date with you?"

There's a part of you that has to decide if you want to be this new person leaving this retreat. You look into yourself once again to find the answer and once you find it, you steadfastly answer, "I choose..."

YOU: This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make and I hope it's the right decision.

Even though he's angry, Seungmin so badly wants you to come back to him but he should bury that deep in his heart. You seem to have come to a decision and it's not him. Last night was the proof of it and that assures him that he shouldn't wait in uncertainty.

Now that there's nothing he can do more here, he considers leaving the retreat like Vale did but he has to hold that thought when the cone in the bedroom chimes and he's the only one there.

"Seungmin," Lana calls his name.

Seungmin fumbles to get up from his bed and sits on the edge of the bed, "Yes, Lana?"

"I have given her the chance to choose between you and Zane to go on a date," Lana informs.

Something warm floods his heart but he won't let it blossom until he knows for sure what he's about to hear is good news.

"She has chosen to go on a date with you," Lana continues.

He needs a moment to register that information into his brain but Lana is urging him to answer her next question.

"Seungmin, will you agree to attend?"

He should be happy to hear that you chose him but that also gives him an impression that you have a fickle mind and he's not sure if he wants to deal with that.

"I must press you for an answer," Lana urges him, "Will you attend?"

After everything that happened, Seungmin doesn't know if he wants to do this.

SEUNGMIN: If she chooses to come back to me, I don't know what I'm going to do but I want to hear what he has to say.

The date is located on the part of the villa Seungmin has never been to. He walks there dressed neatly for a date, a date that he didn't expect to happen under this kind of circumstance. He arrives there to see you sit with your back facing the entrance and not acknowledging his presence until he places his hand on your shoulder.

"Oh, my God!" You gasp to see him there.

You shoot up from your chair to exchange a quick hug with him and he can't lie, he misses the warmth of your body against him.

"I think we need to talk about this," he says as he lets go of the hug.

"Yes," you answer.

He takes the seat opposite you and places his hands under the table, ready to listen to what you have to say. But before that, he has something to say to you.

"Last night, when you told me you were going to sleep with Zane. It made me realize that I don't want to be away from you but I obviously don't want to force you to be with me," he starts.

These past few days have been overwhelming, draining him both physically and mentally, he doesn't want to go through the same thing, hanging in uncertainty and not knowing where you lead him.

"I've never felt this way to someone before but I can't do this if you're going to constantly have these doubts," he continues.

Seungmin places his hands on the table and stacks them together in front of him. It's time to ask you the question that he's sure you already have the answer to because why would he bother to be here if it wasn't for that?

"My question remains the same. What do you want?"

SEUNGMIN: I need her to communicate with me and be open and honest. Otherwise, I'm about to walk away forever.

For the last hour, you've been anxiously waiting whether he'd come or not to the point that your body shakes and your palms are sweating. Deep down, you know you deserve it if he chose to stand you up but Gosh, you can't imagine how devastated you would be.

Seungmin is here now and it's such a great relief, and now he demands the answer to his question: What do you want? Before you get to that, you owe him an apology for what you did. You swallow air before start speaking.

"The decision I made last night was very selfish and hurts you a lot. I'm sorry," you sincerely apologize.

Your body is shaking still but it's for a different reason, opening up yourself to someone is scary but you have to try. You grip the hem of your dress for something to hold on to.

"I know that I have a connection with you and I know that it's real. When I look at you, I get this feeling that I've never had before but I also don't understand it in a way," you utter your thoughts as best as you could.

Seungmin wants you to be open and that's what you're doing right now, you're ignoring how your chest hurts as you let your heart out.

"Trust me when I say I was really pushing myself to walk away from you because I am terrified," you bite back your tears and swallow them down to continue talking, "I am terrified because I felt like you are going to leave me at some point."

Seungmin has been getting nothing from you and accepting everything as it is when in fact you owe him an explanation of why you did what you did.

"It all goes back to when I was five when my father walked out on me and that made me think that I'm not worthy of love, that I'm not good enough."

The more you try to keep the lump in your throat the more it feels like it burns you like a hot coal. You let them spill, letting your tears flood your eyes and down your cheeks.

"I find myself doing this a lot in the past because I don't want to get hurt. I'm just trying to protect my heart," you barely made it to the end of the sentence without getting choked on your tears.

"That was an easy defense mechanism but I understand," Seungmin says.

His hand makes its way to you and not stopping until he finds your hand, he holds it tight in his. He smiles as he looks into your teary eyes.

"Thank you for opening up," he mutters.

"I've never done this before. I've never opened my heart to anyone, ever," you tell him with a trembling voice.

You quickly wipe your tears with the back of your hands even though they won't stop coming out of your eyes.

"I'm scared shitless right now," you admit with a dry chuckle.

He stares into your eyes with the warmth that you missed terribly much, giving you this instant sense of comfort you can't find anywhere else.

"I feel things and I don't know if it's love because I've never been in love before," you confess.

You bravely hold his gaze as you look into his eyes and in those eyes, you find the strength to finally give him your answer, "But I want to know what it is and I want to do it with you.”-

YOU: It was scary but I'm glad I'm taking that step and I want this, I want to explore this to the fullest with him.

This is exactly what Seungmin wanted to hear from you and now he gets it, he thinks that it's beautiful how you come out of your shell, shedding a layer of yourself and letting him see more of you.

"I'm just going to be honest," he says.

He rubs the back of your hand with his thumb as he speaks, "When I'm looking at you, I know what I feel is love," he openly tells you.

It's a new feeling but he knows for sure that it's love and it's pure, intense, and overpowering, he loves you and that feels right.

You brush your tears with the heel of your hand and smile at him, "Thank you for seeing me, coming here for me," you mutter.

You hold his hand back and intertwine your hand with his, "Thank you for being so patient," you add.

With you, Seungmin learns that loving someone means giving that someone power over him and he doesn't mind that because it's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.

"It sounds like we're both going to take a big step together into the unknown," he says with a soft smile.

You nod with a smile on your tears-streaked face, "But this time, we have each other," you finish his sentence.

And with you, Seungmin gets to know that he can have this much love inside of him and he can share it with someone yet he'll never run out of it.

The chime on both of your watches takes you by surprise. Seungmin rises from his seat and comes up to you, holding his hand out at you to help you get up from your chair. He holds your face with both hands and looks at your face, a face that he longs to see, and then slowly, he leans in to kiss you.

The kiss is such a long time coming, it breaks his heart open and ails his pain. He pours out the content of his heart into this kiss, hoping that you get to feel it through his lips how sincere and how deep his feelings for you are.

He breaks the kiss to say something to you, "You are worthy of love."

He holds the sides of your face with eyes overflowing with fondness, "You are good enough."

With all of his heart, he says the three words that have been on the tip of his tongue, "I love you."

And then he seals those words with a long, lingering kiss on your forehead.

SEUNGMIN: To see her finally take this step, face her fear, and put it out there for me [smiles] this moment is everything.

The first thing you do when you get back to the villa is to find Zane. You have so much respect for him to not give him an explanation on why you chose Seungmin.

In the bedroom, you find him lying on his bed and he looks like he knows that you chose Seungmin and went on a date with him.

"Hey, how are you doing?" You ask, sitting on the bed next to his.

He gets up to sit on the bed and fixes his shirt, "Good. You?"

"Good," you shortly answer.

You carefully pick your words before letting them out but it's always best to start with an apology, "I want to apologize for not choosing you."

Zane gets quiet for a moment then he scratches the back of his head, "I'm disappointed because I did not see that coming."

"Well, I think you're an amazing guy, inside and out," you genuinely compliment him because that's what he's been to you, an amazing guy.

"Thank you."

"But I have this connection with Seungmin, a connection that I've never felt before and I want to explore it with him," you explain.

Zane nods and folds his leg under him, "It's okay. I think I had my hopes up too high but I'm not mad at you."

It's a great relief that he has the heart to accept your rejection well and you appreciate him so much, he really is a great guy and he deserves more.

"Thank you for understanding and once again, I'm sorry," you apologize one more time because it feels like you're not apologizing enough.

Zane puts on a smile, "I appreciate your apology and honestly, I just want you happy."

It's heartwarming to know that he wishes good things for you and you're grateful that things end well between the two of you.

"Thank you, Zane," you say again.

You both get up from the bed to end things on a good note with a nice, friendly hug.

Tonight has been bittersweet.

But mostly, you are thankful for so many things. You are grateful for Seungmin and his patience despite you putting him through so much. You are grateful for Zane who has been so understanding. Lastly, you are grateful for you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

Things wouldn't have ended like this with Seungmin's head resting on your lap and everything goes back into its place. You tenderly brush his fluffy hair and caress his cheek, getting that feeling that you're exactly where you should be.

"It's going to be okay now," you mutter to him.

Seungmin softly smiles and catches your hand to place a kiss on it, "It is now."

YOU: I appreciate this moment so much and I'll remember this for all my life [smiles]

A part of you can't believe that you have come to the end but this is it, this is the last day of the retreat.

You wake up with a smile as you turn your head to the side and see Seungmin there. You nuzzle your head, peppering his cheek and jaw with soft kisses then put your arm across his chest.

"My handsome man," you murmur as you place another kiss on his cheek.

He gets back to you by burying his head in your neck and tickles you there, his teeth faintly scraping the thin skin. Lana's chime interrupts the playful moment.

"Welcome to your final day in the retreat," Lana says.

Everyone is cheering in reaction and Jeff throws a cushion across the room, "Let's make the most of it!" He excitedly shouts.

"Later on today, I'll announce who has won the $79,000 prize fund," Lana informs.

"Guys..." Seungmin calls everyone.

All the heads in the room are turning to him now and Seungmin pushes himself up to sit with his back against the headboard of the bed, "I'm deeply sorry but we spent 40 grand last night," he mutters with a regretful expression.

You see everyone reacts differently but what catches your attention is the way Adriana's jaws hang open and the way Tom's eyes widen once they hear what Seungmin said.

"What?" Devon gasps, holding her hair out of her ear.

You exchange a look with Seungmin then nods, "False alarm, everybody!" He announces that it's just a joke.

That seems to knock down the tension that is about to build in the room. You point toward Tom and Adriana's bed and burst into laughter, "Your faces... oh, my gosh!"

"There are 12 hours left of my retreat. Use them wisely," Lana finishes.

YOU: We were the most persistent rule breakers but now our connection is something deeper than that [smiles]

While everyone else is busy talking about who's likely to win the prize money, you use the time to have a look back on how far you've grown in this retreat.

It's obvious that you've been through a lot but that allowed you to learn a lot of lessons, you learned to let your guard down, you learned that it's okay to feel loved and to deserve love, to let love in and be vulnerable. The one thing you learned the hard way is that the next best thing isn't always the next best thing.

This retreat has taught you a lot and you're proud of what you have become, a different person from when you first came into the retreat.

This time, you feel anything but nervous as you walk to the cabana. You can't believe that you're saying this but you're just sad that it's coming to an end.

One thing for sure is you're not going to miss hearing that melodic chime.

"Hi, everyone."

"Hello, Lana!" You cheerily reply.

"As you know, the prize fund now stands at $79,000."

"That's a whole lot of money," Tom comments while rubbing his hands together.

"Since your arrival in the retreat, I've been observing your behavior. Your ups and downs, your mistakes and breakthroughs.

"She knows everything. She's kind of nosy, eh?" Cara jokingly says, earning a few laughs from here and there.

"Now, it's time to announce my finalists," Lana further informs.

YOU: She knows everybody's journey so I trust Lana's decision.

"While I acknowledge that you have all shown impressive emotional development. I have identified four individuals who stand out for their transformative journeys."

Seungmin thinks that you must have the same mind with him that regardless of who wins the money, you both are happy to have met each other here and that is something that no one can value with material things.

And no matter who wins, he'll be happy for them.

"The first finalist is... Devon and Elliott. I have decided to nominate you together as a couple."

Everyone gives them a round of applause as they take a stand while Lana explains the list of things that earned them a spot as finalists.

Everyone gets tensed once again as Lana is about to announce the next two finalists and would likely win the money.

"The next finalist is... Seungmin."

It's not about the money to him, Seungmin feels proud that his growth is being acknowledged and it feels somehow rewarding. He looks down at you and wishes that you take the next spot because you grow so much in the retreat and fuck anyone who says that he's being biased, he knows you deserve it.

Just like Lana reads through his mind, she calls for your name as the last finalist. He enthusiastically takes you into a hug and having a moment together.

"As a pair, you have empowered each other to change. Therefore, you too, are nominated as a couple," Lana announces.

Everyone gives you two a round of applause too and Adriana is the one who can't stop squealing in happiness. He holds your hand because it feels like he's about to float away from this much happiness.

"Finalists, please make your way to the beach and await further instructions," Lana orders.

SEUNGMIN: I feel like she deserves it more from how much she has grown in this retreat. But to stand as finalists together... it's just perfect [Grins]

As you wait for everyone back in the cabana to vote, Elliott pops open the bottle of champagne and the white wine spurts out of it. he hurriedly fills the glasses and initiates a toast.

"Cheers!" Everyone exclaims as glasses are clinking against each other in the middle.

"Who would have thought the most spending couples become the finalists, huh?" Elliott says.

You chuckle once you swallow down your wine and say, "Well, not me."

The sun is sinking lower into the horizon when the rest of the guests are finally joining you on the beach. A few more bottles of champagne are being opened and glasses are being passed around.

while we wait for Lana to come, everyone is reminiscing about their time here in the retreat, both good and bad, they're just as precious.

It turns quiet when the cone chimes in and probably for the last time, ever.

"Hello, everyone," Lana greets.

"Hi, Lana!" You sweetly respond. Oh, how you're going to miss it.

"During your time at my retreat, you have broken the rules 14 times," Lana informs.

"Geez!" Jeff exclaims.

"Y'all was having too much fun," Tom grumbles then breaks a laugh after.

"Throughout your stay, I've observed people commit to the process and ultimately make a significant change."

Adriana raises her champagne flute to the air and says, "It's all thanks to you Lana."

Everyone agrees with her and also raises their glasses to the air to give Lana a toast.

"Finalist, your fellow retreat guests have been voting for the winning couple and the time has come to announce the winners."

Your heart is pounding and at times, you feel like it's about to jump out of your chest. You hold Seungmin's hand before getting up from your seats per Lana's order.

"The votes have been counted and only one couple can check out with the $79,000 prize fund."

Seungmin pulls you close to his side with a hand resting on the small of your back. He looks at you and you look back at him, you both couldn't ask for more but who can say no to that much money?

"The winning couple by 6 votes to 1 is..."

You suddenly turn deaf from all the screams and cheers coming your way, not realizing that Lana has announced the winners. Once it hits you that you are the winner along with Seungmin, you let out a high-pitched scream.

YOU & SEUNGMIN: $79,000 whoo!

YOU: [Looks at Seungmin] What the fuck??

SEUNGMIN: [Laughs]

It turns into a hugging fest in a minute but it's also a farewell to everyone. Seungmin lets himself savor the moment because it's one that he'll never get to experience again.

"We're all winners! Let's party!" Jeff shouts.

More bottles are popped open and the glasses are being refilled with more wine, everyone is having fun and enjoying the last moment in the retreat with the beautiful sunset in the background.

Everyone is busy having fun and forgets that Lana hasn't done talking yet. She comes one last time to deliver the last announcement, one that Seungmin anticipates the most.

"My retreat is officially over. The rules no longer apply."

He wastes no time to pull you close and kisses you hard like he wanted. It blows his mind that he gets to kiss you as he pleases as of now and other than that, it's the future that awaits him and you. It's exciting but also scary but you know what?

With you, Seungmin has no reason to be afraid.

SEUNGMIN: It was such an amazing experience.

YOU: And we can't wait to get out of here so we can f—

Support my blog by kindly reblog, comment or tip me on my ko-fi!

@svintsandghosts @abiaswreck @ppiri-bahng @drhsthl @idkluvutellme @biribarabiribbaem @skz-streamer @biancaness @hanjisunginc @elizalabs3 @laylasbunbunny @kpopformylife @caitlyn98s @hann1bee @darkypooo @mamieishere @is2cb97 @marvelous-llama @bluenights1899 @sherryblossom @toplinehyunjin @hanjisbeloved @yourmomscuntis2tighy @sunnyseungup @skzhoe4life @stellasays45 @severeanxietyissues @avyskai @imseungminsgf @silentreadersthings @army-stay-noel @rylea08 @simeonswhore @jebetwo @yubinism @devilsmatches @septicrebel @rairacha @cutiespaghetti @ven-fic-recs

#stray kids smut #skz smut #seungmin smut #seungmin x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fics #kpop smut #kpop fics #kpop fanfics #too hot to handle series #seospicy smut

258 notes · View notes

thesherrinfordfacility · 8 months

Text

it was about the coffee

edit 24/11: rip miracle blocker theory, my love

but possibly not the way we thought it was. this is going to sound so convoluted but bear with me here (and big thanks to the anon that precipitated this theory, and major apologies that writing this theory is only going to delay my answer to your ask even further💕)

a major plot-point for me in s2 was this bad boy:

which i think we can safely say is a very op power for demons to possess for it not to come up again later on in the show? it's almost like a parallel to the book of life on that front - which is mentioned in the bookshop in ep6, but we've all agreed is pretty much going to be a major chekhov's gun in s3, right? well, what about the miracle blocker?

why wouldn't shax think of getting one either from furfur or from beelzebub when storming the bookshop? well, could be that shax didn't think of it. true - but i do wonder if something iffy was in fact going on in ep5/ep6 showdown, right up into the Final Fifteen.

let's start here: aziraphale has got some reality-bending bullshit going on, which i think is possibly just naturally emanating from aziraphale himself (im not wholly convinced it's entirely in-character for him to purposefully fuck with people's heads and autonomy) and perhaps the dancing/outfits/emotions etc is just the image he wanted for the dance, and his magic (?) essentially made it happen, so much so that he was potentially taken in by it too... hence why he was so readily resistant to crowley's pleas to listen to him about the danger? idk, getting sidetracked.

but anyway, then the demons come, and we see the below where... randomly, aziraphale's miracles/magic doesn't work. and there's no given reason for it:

soon after this, aziraphale opens the portal; one thing on reflection? that portal opens damn fucking fast. sure, the peril is high, certainly higher than s1 when he had to pray and practically beg to speak to someone... but if the portal is more or less for metatron's direct use, and the metatron is so damn busy, being the voice of god... why would he be sat there waiting for a call?

s1, the time between aziraphale starting to pray/dial 9-1-heaven, and the portal opening (excluding where he shouts to shadwell that the shop is closed) is just over 31 seconds. s2, from "hello, is there anybody there" to portal opening is just over 5. a very short cut-down for a retired, traitorous angel, regardless of whether they're under attack (which, tbh, would be in heaven's interests, right? for aziraphale to get Got?). the explanation for that can only be, in my book, that metatron has been watching... and possibly has been since the first time the portal opened.

anyway, we then move on to metatron arriving at the bookshop, and offering aziraphale the coffee. others have reported a miracle chime, and tbh i too can hear at least a faint, high strong, that sounds out of place in the ambient sound of the scene. video below, where ive marked out where i can hear it:

we know that aziraphale doesn't drink coffee. tea, hot chocolate, wine... but he's never, as far as we've seen, canonically drunk coffee. he must have tried it at some point, crowley likes it/drinks it, so why wouldn't aziraphale have tried it at some point? well, i think he probably has, and didn't like it. i think he tried to change it, in front of the metatron, so he could take a sip and not be offensive. but... it doesn't work. aziraphale's reaction is awkward. and metatron's reaction is smug. i think metatron has a miracle blocker.

aziraphale is not stupid. i think he knows possibly from that moment, or very soon after, that metatron has been up to something. i think he knows that metatron might have eyes and ears everywhere. i think aziraphale has worked out that metatron is not in fact A Nice Old Man, and knows it right through until he gets in the lift (which im going to talk about more in the aforementioned anon ask). i don't think aziraphale has been overtly threatened, because the metatron has worked so hard in this scene to be non-threatening. but he has underestimated how smart aziraphale actually is.

making the offer to reform heaven appeals to aziraphale, there is no doubt on that. and aziraphale is desperate for crowley to be with him - not only on the layer of wanting to be together, or another layer of crowley deserving to have heaven make amends to him, or even the layer wanting to protect crowley under his status as supreme archangel... but because if aziraphale walks away, without crowley, crowley has nowhere safe to go. the bookshop has been compromised, and it is no longer safe. metatron with his almond syrup has Eyes and Ears everywhere. when crowley refuses, aziraphale has to get to heaven, and to metatron, before they get to him.

i do completely believe that aziraphale wants to help heaven, and possibly seek any way in which he can return it to what he thinks or believes was god's original purpose for it - to return or make it into the place that was always meant to stand for good and justice and love. but i also believe that now, more than ever, aziraphale teeters on the edge of giving heaven a chance - or being burnt to ashes, literally or figuratively. idk about you, but i have a gut feeling on what option he, in this moment, would be inclined to take.

#good omens #metatron spec #s3 narrative spec #sanctuary/bentley theory #feral domestic/final fifteen meta #s2 meta

496 notes · View notes

morganbritton132 · 1 year

Note

okay so about eddies response to the video of steves appointment, when he threatens to break noses, would that have been the first time CC fans have actually seen eddie mad before??

also how would erica have reacted/responded to it, if she ever did publically??

(while this is the first time ive directly asked about this au i want you to know it has me in a chokehold and i think about it daily ajdjs)

- milf-harrington

First, just wanna say thank you and that I get very excited when I see your name in my notifications. I love reading your tags and what they add to the posts so thank you. Everybody has been so super nice and the prompts people send me are very fun to respond to. I’m just very, very grateful. Now, on to the sad stuff.

I wanna start with Erica.

Erica finds out from the press. Her phone has been off all day and when she walked outside at the end of her work day, a reporter stopped and asked about it. You know, Erica. She tells you what to do so she makes this reporter show her the video, and then in a voice held together solely by PR training turns her response into a soundbite for the privacy bill that she’s been trying to get passed.

You can kind of hear her on the phone at the end of the reporter’s video say, “Tina, who do you know that still works for TikTok?”

Not saying that Erica got the video taken down, but I’m not not saying that.

I think this is the first time that Corroded Coffin fans have seen Eddie this angry on this large of scale. There have always been assholes who try to take advantage of the chaotic atmosphere of a concert and Eddie has no qualms about pulling a Billie Joe Armstrong and dropkicking someone trying to take advantage of someone else. That pisses him off.

Gatekeeping pisses him off. He’ll snap at a so-called fan for making fun of kids that just got into heavy metal and don’t know everything about the genre. Heavy metal was a home for him when he was ostracized from his peers in school and it pisses him off more than anything to see people get turned away because they’re just new.

And there have been times when Eddie’s almost come to blows with a fan about them being a dick to Steve, but no one has ever seen him like this. Eddie can be scary when he’s angry and he is so far passed ‘changing the day of Hellfire for a basketball game’ mad. He’s pissed and he’s not fucking around when he tells people to leave him alone.

Eddie doesn’t go back to posting regularly for a while after that. It’s not until one night when he’s fucking around on his guitar and Steve comes down to the studio at the time he’s typically going to bed in his dorky matching set of pajamas and the blanket off the back of the couch.

He settles in behind Eddie and wraps his arms and legs around him, rests his chin on Eddie’s shoulder and then fusses around with Eddie’s phone. He clicks the camera app and holds it out, and when Eddie asks what he’s doing, Steve says, “I want you to ask me dumb questions and make your silly little videos again. I know that – I know why you haven’t but I don’t think you should stop having fun because someone was mean.”

Steve kisses his cheek and nuzzles up closer, “There’s a lot of mean people in the world, Ed. They’ve never stopped you before, shouldn’t let them stop you now.”

Steve ends up just taking a picture of them, but Eddie’s pretty sure Steve doesn’t really know how you make a video anyways. The gestures there though and Eddie thinks that it’s really sweet.

He makes the picture his background.

#eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson

710 notes · View notes

sloilan · 1 month

Text

I want to rate the silly ships like people have been doing so I will (my memory of them in canon is so bad)

Percabeth: 9/10

by far one of the best ships in pjo, but there are times where the "tough love" is just too tough for me

Jiper/Jasper: 3/10

I don't remember much about this ship at all but it was a little cute? It did feel very fabricated with it being forced by Hera & I found Piper's heart eyes at Jason 24/7 annoying as hell-

Frazel: 4/10

it was cute, but that could just be the characters lol I wish we saw them more developing their crushes on each other instead of Percy showing up and being like "oh these guys like each other lol"

I don't like the age gap at all tho, it might just be like 2-3 years but when you're a teen that's a BEEG difference in brain development and maturity levels etc.

Caleo: -100/10

no, just no. I can not even begin to explain why it is so bad and toxic. Richardio really saw Percabeth pop off and was like "let me do that again!" and made the most toxic ship i could find fr. Me and my homies hate Calypso frfr. Even if all their interactions were rewritten so that Calypso isn't constantly talking over and shutting down anything and everything Leo does I dislike it still because it just plays into the damsel in distress x savior knight which i do not like at allll

Solangelo: 1/10

they had slight potential in blood of olympus (and that's me being nice) but otherwise everything after that just felt so stale, fake, cringey, and toxic.

Will's character lacks,,, well, character. If you want to construct a relationship with characters you need them to be people in the first place- and not just a "__'s boyfriend!"

It also just feels like those 13 yr olds in school that are so obnoxiously lovey in class and then they break up after a week you know what i mean? I have more to say but these are getting long-

Solangelo (in fanon): 8/10

Hell yeah. Most of the fan content ive seen from solangelo has been DRASTICALLY better than canon, they actually make Will feel more like a concrete person, they give proper chemistry/shared interests to him & Nico, and overall it just flows better? Idk (big fan of when people make Will freakier than Nico, my favorite flavor of Will)

Pernico: 2/10

I can see it? But I don't like it. They have so much built up miscommunication and bad memories from each other (Percy literally tried to strangle Nico to death) also the same with Frazel; I don't like the age gaps while theyre teens

Jasico: 8/10

I get this one, but I really see them as more like besties, so I don't partake in it too much. Otherwise it's great.

Valdangelo: 10/10

I am biased, but good looorrrd the potential :(( the similarities of them, both being the outcasts and just heguehfh i love them

Valgrace: 8/10

same as Jasico, i see them as bros way too much but I don't deny it's a banger ship too.

Shelper: 1/10

I feel the same way with this as i do Solangelo, there's no character for Shel, it's just Piper and "Piper's gf!!" Rick is so bad at writing queer rep, he just picks main characters and slaps a random blank slate character onto their side and thinks he ate, but he's just desperate for queer brownie points.

Feirrochase: 10/10

I DON'T REMEMBER THEM BUT I LOVE THEM!!

#pjo #percabeth #jiper #frazel #caleo #solangelo #pernico #jasico #valdangelo #valgrace #shelper #fierrochase #crit #slo rambles #pardon me if i lied my memory is bad 💔 i havent read these books in 5 years

55 notes · View notes

writers-wrongs · 21 days

Note

Hey!! Could you please do yandere hc's for Arkham Scarecrow x male reader? God I love me a man with a rotting burlap face 🖤🖤🖤

as do i. tbh, when i was playing arkham knight, id sometimes die on purpose just to see his little taunt thing :P

yandere!arkham!scarecrow x male!reader

-fuck it, im making you crazy. you meet him in arkham asylum, after wandering into his lab once you get out of your cell

-he honestly doesnt have any interest in testing on you, as most people in arkham all fear the same thing: batman. but youre not disruptive, so he supposes you can stay in his lab

-you start asking questions about his toxin, and while he doesnt show it, he really appreciates it. most people dont care about the science behind his work, they just want to weaponize the effects, so its nice to have someone curious about the work hes done

-eventually, he has to go do the "screw with batman and get bodied by croc" thing, so he leaves you behind. and then you dont see him for a long while

-ill be real, i havent played arkham city yet, so we're just gonna skip to arkham knight.

-its just before the attack is launched on gotham, and youre just doing your thing in the city when you get kidnapped. once the sack is finally taken off your head, youre at ace chemicals face-to-face with scarecrow (whos looking a lot worse for wear)

-"ah, there you are. ive finally found you, my little inmate."

-he explains that youve stuck in his mind since that one time you met and he couldnt get you out no matter how hard he tried. he gets fixated on things very easily, you see, and he hasnt been this obsessed with something since he first discovered the wonders of fear. so hes going to keep you secure at his side, whether you like it or not

-if youre ok with this (whether you actually like him or if you just want the safety from all the destruction), hes incredibly doting. whenever hes sitting, youre snuggled up on his lap. whenever he has to go out and leave you, hes got the nicest room he can find in a chemical plant ready for you, with multiple guards keeping you secure. as he works, he talks to you, trying to get all the information he can about you

-if youre not accepting of this arrangement, hes going to be more than a little pissed. you dare deny his protection? why shouldnt he just throw you back out into gotham and let the cloudburst consume you? he wont do that, hes far too invested to let you lose yourself like that, but he might just give you a dose of toxin. and another dose. and another. as many doses as it takes for you to start clinging to him for comfort

-hes not super physically affectionate (mostly bc i headcanon him with chronic pain after the croc incident), but he does love to hold you. seeing you secure in his arms, unable to leave unless he lets you... he loves the feeling of control. as for kisses... he cant do much in that department, since he doesnt really have lips anymore. but occasionally he'll sort of bump his mouth on you, which gets the point across

#writing the wrongs #yandere x reader #jonathan crane x reader #yandere scarecrow #scarecrow x reader

25 notes · View notes

olreid · 1 year

Note

hey I've been really loving your neverafter analysis - it made me feel like i wasn't complaining about nothing lmao and you word it much better than I could

so about that, you've mentioned the acoc finale a few times & if you have a post about that or any kind of commentary, I'm really curious to read it

<3 i dont think i have any posts from when i watched, ive deleted most of my acoc posts over the years bc they annoyed me lol. ive gotten several questions about this and will do my best to explain what i mean! it's not going to be super detailed due to i havent watched that season in literally 3 years but basically i just remember the very end of the acoc finale being really like. tonally jarring because the players were saying all this insane stuff about consolidating political power but it was being framed as a happy ending not only for the party but also for their subjects. the vibe was like, well it was tough going there for a minute but now the Right people are in charge, so it's all good now :) just no acknowledgement of the inherent violence of governance via monarchy, which again may be stupid to expect from the dnd comedy show, except for the fact that the content of the season was like. a painfully extended enumeration of The Violences of Monarchy. but i guess we learned nothing :) like let's just read from the wiki briefly about the events of the episode post-siege:

Cumulous asks Liam what is glowing in his pocket. Liam without hesitation eats the seed from Lapin Cadbury. He thinks of the change he most wants to see in the world and wishes that the creativity and magic of Candia would burst forth, and instantly Candia quadruples in size within its place on the Calorum map. Saccharina thanks Liam as the new queen of a lot more Candian land. Far off, Liam hears Lapin chuckling […] Lapin whispers to Liam on his way out, “There’s nothing wrong with being a seed guy.” A new age of Candia is born as Emperor Amethar of the House Rocks embraces his new title and brings a new age of peace to the realms […] Liam brings the Pontifex and Sir Keratin back to life in an act of mercy and locks them in prison for the rest of their lives. He leaves them, and goes back to being a seed guy […] Saccharina tries to find Cinnamon an alternative food source to Bulbian hearts, looking through all of Vegetania before returning to Candia. Just outside the castle, a tinfoil tree grows and a cranky Cinnamon eats the fruit from the tree and then grows gentle, regarding the world with love instead of hunger.

all of this is soooo stupid and shoehorned to me... why is liam wishing for candia to grow four times larger besides that ally the player thinks that would be a good thing. WHY is liam resurrecting dead people and throwing them in jail framed as 'quirky' besides the fact that they have essentially already rolled credits and so are just ready to frame anything that happens as funny and nice because they don't want to like. get into the politics of it.

and that's not even getting into the rest of the wrap-up where like. all the bad stuff, all the outstanding conflict and tension that would naturally linger after the battle just gets done away with completely for the sake of an ending that is not tainted by even the faintest hint of complexity or violence (again, this is revealing and tells us a lot about what the table considers violent vs. what is so normalized as to not even register as violence in the moment). rather than having to grapple with having raised and domesticated a pet that feeds on people in a time of war and then still being responsible for that creature after peace has been declared, cinnamon is magically transformed into a creature that now only needs the fruit of trees to surivive. the events of the season usher in a reign of peace rather than a rocky period of distrust and repairing alliances or even open rebellion because that is the happiest ending for our royal protagonists, not because it necessarily follows logically from what took place in the finale.

all in all i feel that what the acoc finale wants to convince me of is that the season's conflict was largely a case of good vs. evil individuals rather than complex people caught in and trying to exploit violent systems, and that as long as the good people win out and have the space to rule as they want to, monarchy is not opposed to concepts like happiness or justice but indeed is highly compatible with them. we just needed a good king!!! earlier in the season it felt like there was space to question monarchy's claims to moral authority, particularly through saccharina's abuse and the outsider perspectives of her crew of outlaws. however, by the finale all of this critique has been subsumed into the narrative machine and we're back to cheering for the rulers of candia in their noble pursuit to conquer ever more land, something we hope they achieve because they have shown themselves to be pure of heart and sound in judgement. this was not a actually a forum to question whether a small group of unelected wealthy people should be allowed to govern just because they want to, but rather just an extended job interview for the rocks family, and they have passed with flying colors. anyway.

the reason i compared this week's neverafter to this particular acoc episode is that i think we are again seeing some of the limits of the table's political imagination, particularly as it relates to incarceration; imprisonment has been invoked repeatedly through the device of trapping people in timothy's book, which is either framed as a good or bad thing depending on whether it is done by a protagonist or an antagonist. if the authors or the fairies trap the characters in their respective stories, it's an abuse of power that must be challenged. however, if the party traps an annoying or superfluous npc, or a meddling princess, in their handy portable prison, it's (a) benevolent; the possibility has been raised that trapping characters in this way makes them happy, and may indeed be a way to give them a happily ever after; or (b) violent, but markedly less so than other available courses of action and thus merciful by comparison. there is no space to discuss the inherent violence of incarceration or entrapment even if it is used as an alternative to death, which IS INSANE in a season where the horror that kicked everything off was the horror that what the characters thought were their lives was actually a prison made of narrative.

across these two seasons i think we are seeing an inability or perhaps just an unwillingness to contend with the inherent violence of being held against one's will. the problem for the party seems not to be that characters experience various levels of incarceration by virtue of being trapped in narratives, but rather that the wrong people have been imprisoned while those who truly deserve the punishment roam free. the party, our protagonists, have been trapped in story despite their inherent goodness, while the true bad actors -- the fairies, the princesses, the gander -- are allowed to roam free. according to this logic, simply capturing and imprisoning everyone who advances a plan the party doesn't agree with will be a satisfactory outcome and should be enough to set the world to rights.

tldr it frustrates me as a viewer when d20 seasons make a point to explicitly raise and explore structural issues only to "solve" them at the last minute with individualist fixes that do nothing to address the root cause of said issues. it adds insult to injury when they try to tell me the ending is a happy one simply because it made the party happy, even if others had to suffer for that to be so.

#guy who said he would be brief. anyway #others are welcome to add their perspectives i know ive discussed the acoc finale with ppl in replies/dms/etc. before #short answer: It Was Not Good #asks #anon #acoc #neverafter

57 notes · View notes

rockange · 2 months

Text

† ROCKANGE - Indie, Private and Selective blog for Adam from Hazbin Hotel. Primarily canon-divergent and also very much headcanon based. 20+ to interact & rules beneath the cut.

BLOGROLL (wip) : @cherribcmb (cherri bomb), @sinstagramd (velvette)

AFFILIATES : @videoaux, @alastors-radioshow, @r-adio, @xluciifer, @cardedsoul, @timelostobserver, @hellshoard

CARRD / PROMO / PLAYLIST

there will be triggering content on this blog, but will be tagged as such. such things are but not limited to : religious imagery, abuse, misogyny, genocide, substance abuse (moreso mentioned). if you know the show then you should know what to expect. all things are tagged ('trigger /') but please let me know if you need anything tagged! I try to tag anything that can be upsetting to the best of my ability. this includes nsfw, which will always be marked and tagged properly beneath a read-more!

II.

I follow who I want. I am not here to police what someone writes and know how to use the block button if it upsets me enough. I hope the same courtesy is applied to me. onto other things I do not wish for anyone to tell me who I can and cannot follow, as I like to make my own decisions in regards to a person instead of whatever drama a whole group of people are involved in. speaking of drama I dislike it and won't engage in it.

if you see me interacting with someone who is GENUINELY HARMFUL (ie a predator, abuser, irl thing) then please let me know with proof. otherwise I do not care for dni lists, as I feel they do more harm than good. I also do not answer anon hate, as it goes unread and the sender blocked and the anon deleted. don't waste your time. if you have an issue with me come to me in my IMs or you may ask for my discord if it is easier.

mainly : curate your own space.

dni bigots, racists, or anyone against the lgbtqia+ community. I don't like you. as for what I refuse to write it is rape, underage and incest. thank you.

III.

I am normally mobile bound and replies come very slowly. I have issues with my mental health that make writing difficult sometimes, but please know it is rarely ever because I don't like you. I have a lot going on irl and tumblr is legit a hobby to me. that being said onto more important things. I normally hardblock if I break a mutual because softblocking can be tricky given how glitchy tumblr can be.

Rarely is it because you have done something. it's normally because we haven't interacted and I like to keep my follower count low and my dash clean for my own mental health.

IV.

I love shipping but know it is not my top priority. neither is smut. I value also chemistry between muns and talking ooc because of it to get an idea of things! Adam is a hard character to ship with given he is egotistical, narcissistic, and a misogynistic villain. please keep that in mind when interacting. know that mun does not equal muse and I do not have the same beliefs as Adam does.

onto trivial things. I write novella length replies but do not care if you match length so long as I have something to work with. I do not care if you reblog memes / aesthetics / etc from me. the only thing I ask is to not reblog posts that are threads or things specifically tagged with 'do not reblog'. I post A LOT of ooc content but know it normal pertains to adam or my mutuals, and the occasional blog update.

my name is iggy and I have been writing for a very long time. I've been in multiple rpcs and you may know me by my other pennames (tolya, viktor) and if so hello, it is nice to see you again! tysm for reading my rules, and if you made it this far I am giving you a cupcake or sweet of your choosing.

#iggy / 26 / they

9 notes · View notes

forlorn-crows · 6 months

Note

Cumulus is always the dommy mommy.

Dont get me wrong shes hot as a dom but i dont really care for the mommy part if that makes sense. Let her be a mistress or sir or something!!

interestingly enough, i dont really ever see cumulus as dommy mommy? or rather, i should say she is most often 'mommy' coded but i feel like i dont see that dom aspect? i feel like the fandom assigned dommy mommy has been cirrus historically (we'll talk about that in a lil bit)

but, and you can correct me if im wrong, i think im understanding you here when you say 'mistress' or 'sir', because of the fact when she is more dominant, its paired with the 'mommy' thing. she doesnt typically get written with a hard dom edge. theres always some aspect of softness, is how im taking that.

which is true, ive seen that. and i might derail a bit from your personal point and maybe even the common theme that ive seen so far . . . but i dont know if anyone else feels this way, but cumulus and sunshine, to me, dont feel like ghouls who typically enjoy that hard edge (at least in my personal hc). i would group mist and aurora in that category, with cirrus somewhere in that middle ground.

i totally get wanting to see that from a ghoulette like lus, due to the fact she's not the type of character people would 'assume' would act that way. its very easy to say we should write characters in protest or in opposition to the roles most commonly assigned to them. but i also want to offer the idea that maybe we're just doing the same thing but in reverse. im of the belief that its perfectly okay to write feminine characters with feminine stereotypes, so long as those traits are balanced with other elements of their character.

again, i completely understand wanting to see her in different roles, especially bc people who look like lus are literally all shades of different from each other. AND that the prevailing characterization of lus tends to sway in one pinpointed direction, which isnt good either. AND AND that you could literally have all kinds of ideas about who cumulus is to you, and its technically correct. all we know is how these ghouls act on stage. we dont have actual plot and things to critique like a show or movie would. we're critiquing each other, which many a time ends up as a critique of the greater societal stereotypes and ideas about fat women. which is valid. and i know im rambling and this is more of what i specifically want to talk about in another (even longer lmao) post.

in the end, i agree. it would be nice to separate the dom and the mommy thing from being cemented together, because dom in itself has soooo many flavors and shapes etc. maybe lus doesnt want to be nice. maybe she does want that hardness. i dont know! but youre right, i dont see that of her much.

#i think yall know that im not ranting or critiquing you specifically #we could have these conversations for h o u r s and not get anywhere #theres a lot to unpack just with one character so i may not make sense lmao #like i said i have more specific ideas about cumulus that ill make a separate post about #bc some of my ideas about her are not the common hc either #ask #anon

11 notes · View notes

bedoballoons · 4 months

Note

What's your favourite thing/moment about your anons?

Figured answering this one during new year's would be the best time, so let's have a little memory moment!!

Fairy anon: I honestly think you unanoning is one of my favourite moments, just because I was so excited to finally see your blog and I believe you were the last one I didn't know. I also loved hearing about your school life, talking about the drama and of course your how's everyone doing today's. Love you bunches!! <3

Donut cat: My favourite moment with you has to be when you first mentioned liking feet, I was so shocked and I could not stop laughing. You are so funny donut cat and of all the posts I've seen, you're the only one that's literally made me cry of laughter. Never change!

Sleepy anon: Fish.

(okay but fr, that has to be one of the best moments ever)

Broccoli anon: I can't really pick one specific moment because you've had alot of good ones so instead I'm just going to say that my favourite thing about you is how kind you are. How you always keep messaging in the server even if you don't always get answers. It keeps it alive and I think you for that <3

Mushroom anon: I loved seeing your phone case and how cracked it was, or when you showed me the mushrooms you found like you are such a unique person and I feel so lucky to have met you! I'm sorry you're no longer in the server, but please know you're always welcome to join again or just chat with us in private too

Fox anon: I know you're not here anymore, but my favourite thing about you was always how many asks you'd send in, even if I couldn't write every idea you had you'd send them in and I could read them, get inspired. Missing you greatly :(

Lucky anon: Not really sure where you went, but I already know my favourite moment with you was when you first started messaging in the server. You have such a sassy side and you weren't afraid to say some things, honestly hilarious. I hope you don't disappear forever :p

Ramen anon: Bro, I don't think we've ever been this close. This year has been so fucking full of ups, downs, super highs, and rock bottoms, but I wouldn't change a damn thing. I love you man <3

Bananon: My favourite moments with you bananon were the times I was telling you to get into horny jail. You'd always get away somehow, use donut cat as a escape or get clever with wording. I also really enjoyed calling with you too, it was alot of fun to talk!!

Starstruck anon: Obviously talking about your rom-com like life. I hope you're doing well with your date and that my post about autism helps you out! If you want more details or help you can ask away. (I'll do my very best to help you anyway can)

Sparkles anon*⁠.⁠✧: We haven't had a lot of moments so far, but I more then enjoyed meeting you and I can't wait to make some!! Think my favourite thing about you currently other then the fact you're so nice, is that you're different. You have no emojis, just emoticons.

Umbrella kitty anon: ☂️🐱 (Does umbrella kitty work for you?) I would say my favourite thing about you is how creative you are with ideas. Ive loved every request you've sent in and I eager to write more of them for you too!

Pancake anon: Where have you gone hmm 👀 Talking about Heizou...because we all know he's kinda...

Princess: I saved you for last hehe. I knew yours was gonna be a long one love, because I plan on answering both sides of this ask for you. My favourite thing about you is your smile and how you laugh when we are talking about stupid things. The little nose scrunch you make when you smile really wide.

As for favourite moment, maybe it's when we laughed so hard talking about nothing but bubble wrap or I jump scared you with my voice while you were playing Minecraft. It could also be when you accidentally burned our house down or when I first heard you voice. There's to many to choose from...

#cuteballoons<3

6 notes · View notes

rillils · 11 months

Note

RILLLLLSSSSSSSSS

ITS BEEN SO LONG HOW R U

YOUNG ROYALS.

SEASON 3 IS DONE 💞💞💞💞💞

SEASON 3 IS DONE 💔💔💔💔💔

ALSO THE NEW SEB PICS??????? BEEFY BUCKY WITH THE LONG HAIR 😍😍😍

ive been watching the last season if merlin 15 minutes at a time because i am not about to lose me sweethearts rn oh my lord

OMG SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE GJDHDK

Okay, first things first, HELLO MY BABY 💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖 I've missed you a lot around here, honey!! I'm doing alright, just the usual amount of stress - but let's be real, that's my default state of mind xD I hope you're doing well, my dear 🥰🥰🥰 Hopefully school is over (or will soon be over) so you can rest and enjoy your vacation 💕💕💕

NOW: HOLY PATCHOULI RAGU AND RAVIOLI, I JUST SAW THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND EDVIN AND OMAR'S VIDEO MESSAGE AND AHDJAGDKSLDJK *SCREECHES* I'm getting a bit emotional here ngl 🥺🥺🥺 I can't believe that the show is actually over now, even though it's probably gonna be a while before we can watch s3, since they just finished shooting 😭😭😭 I'm hoping with all my heart that s3 will give us what we desperately need!! A happy ending for the boys pls!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

As for one Sebastian Mcfreakin' Stan, I simply can't look at those pics and videos without WEEPING, HONEY, LIKE I'M TALKING LEAKING FAUCET, OPEN BAR, LEMME CRY IN YOUR COCKTAIL REAL QUICK KIND OF WEEPING HERE

he looks. so good. my brain cannot comprehend it. I look back and then back again and the little lightbulb in my skull keeps flickering on and off because?? Is this a real human??? Does anything remotely similar to This Man truly exist??????? With those arms that look like they could engulf you so sweetly and protect you from all harm, and those boobs- sorry I mean tits- sorry I mean chESt, that CHEST that looks like it was only made for your cheek to lie upon it, and be the firmest pillow you ever slept on? and the hair??? The stubble?? The high-waisted pants?? I've seen people slander those pants, right, but as far as I'm concerned they just enhance his whole I'm Too Hot, Hot Damn™ vibe these days. make the tiny waist look even tinier and the broad shoulders look even broader and omg I can't think about this for too long or I will spontaneously combust 🔥🔥🔥

Should I also mention that white tank tops never really did anything for me until this man came along?? AND THE RINGS. THE MUMMERFUCKING RINGS. It's like. Every now and then Mr Stan-Lookin-Good-There-Man decides to accentuate his long, nimble fingers with pretty glinting metal and my brain fucking short-circuits like "NOPE - WHAT DIS - CANNOT COPE"

I feel he has awakened a monster in me *flies into the sun*

As for Merlin, oh babe, I feel ya 🥺🥺 Take your time with it, honey, I'm sure your heart will thank you for it 💖💖💖 I love you very much bby 💕💕💕 I hope you have a super nice day 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

#stucky just stucky #personal #today on: sebstan is fkcing devastating pass it on #i love u honey!! sending you all the hugs in the world right now 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

11 notes · View notes

just-an-english-guy · 1 year

Text

Top Surgery/ Recovery Experience

I’m currently 3 days post-op from having peri with Mr Kneeshaw and his team in Hull so I thought I would write about my experience. This is everything that happened across the last 4 days from travelling up to Hull to surgery and my stay in the hospital to the journey back home. Apologies for weird layout, I’m on mobile.

I was scheduled for surgery on the 8th of March at 7:30am so my partner and I travelled up the day before by train and stayed in the Ibis near the station. We arrived at about 9:30pm as we left Cardiff at about 4pm due to me only being able to get a partial day of work. The train journey up wasn’t too bad, we had reserved seats that were close to each other (not always next to each other due to how busy it was but that was ok). We made sure to pack everything into one suitcase, one backpack and one small gym bag that was used as my overnight bag while in the hospital so that my partner could carry everything back on his own after surgery. As I wasn’t allowed to eat anything past midnight we stayed up pretty late to eat before going to bed. I was also rather anxious too so I wouldn’t have been able to sleep right away. Ive never had any kind of surgery before so I was worrying about what could happen and what it would feel like for a few days before which lead to several nights of not sleeping well.

On Wednesday we woke up at 6am, I had my final shower for a few weeks which I did take my time with and savour. It's only been 3 days so far and I already feel disgusting even though my partner has been helping me wash with baby wipes every morning since getting out of the hospital. Since my overnight bag had already been packed I didn’t need to do much in the morning except make sure my phone charger was added to it. In the end, I only ended up taking my dressing gown, slippers, a pair of joggers and a button shirt to wear as pyjamas and my phone charger. We left the hotel a little later than we had planned so we had to run to the bus station so that we would get the bus in time.

Hull does have a lot of buses that go to the hospital which is very good. We got on the 105 at 6:40 and we ended up getting to Entrance 2 of the hospital at about 7:10. We had to ask where ward 16 was at the main reception as the signs didn’t really make it clear but it wasn’t far and we arrived at the ward at about 7:20am.

Once we arrived they showed us to my room. They are all privet rooms with their own bathrooms which is very nice. While we waited for Mr Kneeshaw and his people to come to see us several nurses came around with things for me. They gave me a gown and a pair of compression stockings, and then someone came over with the evening meal menu for me to select what I wanted to eat in the evening. The food options were more extensive than I was expecting which was nice. Mr Kneeshaw came round shortly after to talk me through the procedure and to draw on me. We agreed on my nipples being in a slightly lower position than the average cis guy's nipples as my nipples sat kinda low anyway. I knew this would be happening when we discussed it in my initial consult back in August 2021 and I'm happy with it since it's not a big deal for them to be slightly lower than average to me. I then got changed into the gown and stockings and a nurse collected me from my room at 9am. They let me keep my own underwear on with the gown which I was thankful for. My partner left the hospital when I was taken down to the theatre as he wasn’t allowed to stay while I was in surgery. He got the bus from the hospital back to the hotel and waited for me to let him know I was awake.

When they took me down I had to sit in a little waiting area for a few minutes while they got my paperwork. After confirming my name, date of birth and allergies for the 10th time that morning they took me into the operating room. It was very cold there. I was in a thick fluffy dressing gown and I was still starting to shiver. They got me to lie on the table and gave me a warm blanket so that I wasn’t as cold. The people were all lovely and chatted with me as they got me prepped for surgery. They put a sticker on my glasses so that they knew they were mine before taking them off me. The anesthesiologist put the cannula into my hand which didn’t hurt that much but still wasn’t pleasant and then they gave me the oxygen mask and told me to take some deep breaths. Apparently, the anaesthetic was a multiple-part thing but I only saw the first part get put in as I was unconscious before the guy could even finish his sentence about what he was doing.

I woke up in recovery at 12:30 roughly, there was a clock on the wall in front of me so that was the first thing I saw. People are right when they say it doesn’t feel like any time had passed. It felt like I had blinked and, at that moment, had gone from the operating table to a bed in recovery. It was a little disorientating but since it had already been explained to me that’s what it would be like it didn’t take long for my brain to catch up. When I woke up I wasn’t in pain at all and I didn’t feel sick either, something they told me would likely be a possibility. I just felt a little sleepy. They took me back up to my room not long after I woke up and gave me my phone as I had left it on the bedside table. I text my partner to tell him I was awake and that he could come and see me now. Because of how far away we were staying and the bus times (it takes 40 minutes roughly for the bus to get from the bus/train station to the hospital) it took him about an hour and 15 minutes to actually arrive but that was ok because I knew he would be on his way so wasn’t worried. After texting him I called the nurse to help me get up to use the bathroom. As it was my first time standing after surgery she helped me get up off the bed and into the bathroom. I felt a little weird about having her there while I used the bathroom so I told her I would be fine on my own and she agreed to wait outside to help me back into bed after. It was difficult at first trying to sit down on the toilet since my legs felt really weak and I couldn’t put any pressure on my arms either to help lower myself. I got there eventually though and it was easier to get up after than it was to sit down. The nurse helped me back into bed and I slept for the remainder of the time before my partner arrived. About 5 minutes before he turned up a nurse came in to check my blood pressure, temperature and pulse rate so I was awake when he got there. Oh, I should mention that when I got up to use the bathroom they gave me two fabric bags to put the drains in and hang around my neck. These make walking around a lot easier.

Mr Kneeshaw and his team came to see me at about 4pm. He very briefly undid the post-op binder to check my chest was ok and he even quickly took a picture for me. I asked since I couldn’t get the angle myself to do it. After that, he put the binder back on tight and told me I couldn’t take it off at all now until my drains came out the next Friday. He said that everything went well with the surgery and looks good so left me to rest for the evening. Roughly every 2-3 hours someone would come in to check my blood pressure, pulse rate and temperature, this continued all the way through the night altho I didn’t mind too much as they were always polite about needing to wake me up.

After Kneeshaw had left, now that the binder was on slightly tighter than it previously had been I felt a little bit of pain down the centre of my chest. The nurses gave me paracetamol but told me I could have tramadol too if the pain got any worse. Luckily it didn’t and the paracetamol was all I needed. My partner stayed until about 6pm and then left so that we could both get some sleep. I spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep with the nurses coming in every few hours. At one point in the night, at about 1am I thought I could feel liquid dripping down both my sides so I called for someone to check I hadn’t dislodged a drain. I couldn’t feel any pain though but at the time I thought that was because whatever pain medication they gave me in the operating room was still in my system. Two nurses came to check on my dressing and it turned out it was just sweat I could feel and my drains were perfectly fine. The room was incredibly hot in the hospital and the blankets they use are extremely good at keeping you warm. No matter what I did in the room I was still too hot so in the end, I had someone turn the fan on and then I used the blanket to cover me from the waist down only so that I could sleep without melting.

I was woken up again at 6am by someone who emptied my drains for me. He did show me how to do it but because I was still half asleep I wasn’t really paying attention. At roughly the same time another person wanted to check my blood pressure again and after they had both left I went back to sleep. I was woken up again at 7:30 by someone letting me know breakfast was on its way and asking what I wanted. I ended up having a bowl of Weetabix at about 8am with a glass of milk. After I had finished my breakfast I went back to sleep but that didn’t last long as at 8:45 roughly I was woken up again by another nurse wanting to change my bedsheets and give me a fresh gown. I got the option to stay in the bed while they changed sheets or sit in the chair, I opted for the chair as I could walk around a little anyway and staying in the bed just seemed like it would be weird and uncomfortable. The nurse helped me get my slippers on and get into the chair before she changed all the sheets for me. She also helped me into a clean gown which I am thankful for as moving my arms wasn’t very easy at the time. I slept again until Ralph, one of Mr Kneeshaw's team came in to check on me and see if I could be discharged. He said that everything looked good and I could go back to the hotel when I was ready.

Because of the way the hotel bookings worked we had to change hotels on Thursday as the Ibis didn’t have any space for us for Thursday night. The split booking was the cheapest way to do things and since travelling alone was costing a fortune we decided this was the best way to do things. Due to the difference in check out/ check in times my partner was set to come to the hospital with all our bags at about 12 and then we would be able to check in to the new hotel at 3pm. When I explained this to Ralph and the nurses they said It was perfectly fine to wait until the afternoon before leaving and I couldn’t leave without my partner coming to get me anyway.

My partner arrived shortly after 12. He helped me eat some lunch as I was still having trouble lifting my arms enough to reach my mouth with a fork and then he helped me wash with baby wipes and get changed into the joggers and shirt I had bought with me as pyjamas since I never ended up using them as such and just stayed in the gown while in the hospital. I asked for someone to come and show us how to empty & reseal the drains again as I was half asleep when they did it in the morning and my partner needed to know anyway. After we were shown that they handed me my discharge papers, an information leaflet about the drains, a sick note to give to my work and a feedback survey to fill out. I completed the survey while my partner made sure everything was packed up and then we left. We got a taxi down to the hotel as we both thought getting on the bus might have been too bumpy for me to handle at the time which im grateful for.

We checked into the Gilson Hotel, close to the train station when we got back to the city. I hadn’t really looked up the hotel before booking it as my only priority at the time was making sure It was close to the station and cheap. It had stairs leading from the entrance door to the reception, with no lift. While not ideal this wasn’t too much of a problem as I could walk up the stairs, I just had to do it slowly and one step at a time with a little pause in between each one. There was a lift from the reception to the other floors though which was good. We were on the 2nd floor but since there was a lift it wasn’t an issue. I didn’t know the layout or design of the hotel before I booked it and it turned out that there were two steps in order to get up to the hotel door from the hallway. Again not ideal but not a massive problem for me. This hotel definetly isn’t accessible though.

Sleeping in the hotel was a little difficult, the bed was low down which was great for getting up and down for me since I am rather short but it also had really thin pillows which made it difficult to prop myself up. We ended up using 3 pillows to create a slightly slanted back rest against the headboard, rolled up my jacket and put it under my left elbow to keep my arm propped up since that was the only comfortable position for it that didn’t hurt and I used only my dressing gown to cover me up since the hotel room was even hotter than the hospital room was.

After a somewhat uncomfortable night where I only slept for about 4-5 hours I woke up and my partner helped me empty my drains at roughly 8am. We were told to do them once every morning at roughly the same time and keep track of what comes out so we measure the ml of each one with a little jug and keep a note of it. We had breakfast and then discovered that the snow had caused mayhem with our travel plans.

We needed to be back in Cardiff by 5pm as we had a house viewing scheduled (I know, it’s a really awkward time to be doing this but our Landlord gave us notice to leave on the 28th Feb so time isn’t really something we have on our side for this situation. We did try arranging the viewing for before we left but unfortunately that just wasn’t possible). Anyway because of the time restraints and our tickets being valid only on off-peak trains we had planned to get the 10:23am train which would have gotten us back in Cardiff at 3pm. Unfortunately, this train was cancelled and the train before it wasn’t considered off-peak so we couldn’t get on that one. This meant that we had to get on the 11:26am train from Hull and that we had lost our reserved seats. This wasn’t ideal but it would still get us back just before the viewing so that’s what we did.

Since it was such a long trip the journey was split into three trains; Hull to Sheffield, Sheffield to Bristol Parkway and then finally Bristol to Cardiff Central. Hull to Sheffield was fine, we sat in priority seating since I struggled to walk long distances still at this point and definitely couldn’t stand up for long periods of time. The plan was to do this all the way back to Cardiff however unknown to us at the time a lot more trains had been cancelled which caused issues later down the line. Sheffield to Bristol was packed. I mean truly rammed. When we got on people were already standing in the walkways because there were no seats. Since I needed to sit down my partner had me get on the train first and basically b line for a carriage to find a seat. When I got on there were no seats at all. I tried asking several people who were sitting in the priority seats if they would mind giving up their seats for me and explained my condition and that my original train had been cancelled so I no longer had reserved seating. No one would allow me to sit. My partner was still out in the walkway by the doors with the bags since he couldn’t get through, not that there would be much point anyway. After asking a few more people if I could have their seat and being told no the train started to move so I gave up trying to find a seat and shuffled back to my partner. He wedged our suitcase between the wall and one of the internal carriage doors and had me sit/lean on that while keeping his arms around me to stop anyone from knocking into me while the train was moving. After about an hour a lady who was also in the doorway section with us spotted someone getting up from their seat in the other carriage to get off at the approaching stop and told us so that I could go and sit down. By the time I had gotten there though someone else had sat down in that seat and put headphones in. Luckily another lady offered me her seat when I explained that I had just had surgery and needed to sit down. I was very thankful to her and we chatted for a bit. The seat turned out not to be her reserved seat either so she warned me that someone might try to claim the seat later. When the train got to Birmingham a lot of people got off and I saw the display screens say there were two available (not reserved seats) opposite the aisle where I was so I decided to move into one of them so that there wouldn’t be a problem if the person who’s seat I was in did actually come to claim it. Since so many people got off my partner was able to make his way into the carriage now and I text him to let him know the seat next to me was available and asked him to bring some painkillers as I was in quite a lot of pain at this point. He came and sat down and gave me the tablets and then a lady came by claiming I was in her seat and that I had to move. I was a little out of it because of the pain I was in so all I managed to say was that I couldn’t move as I had surgery. The lady wasn’t happy with this and insisted it was her seat, even though there were many other empty seats in the carriage. My partner looked at the display unit and pointed out that it was still showing as not reserved and then when that didn’t seem to change the situation he lifted one of my drains out of the cloth bags the hospital had given me and showed it to the lady saying again that I had just had surgery and there was no way he was moving me now. She went to sit in one of the other vacant seats after that. It was a pretty easy journey from then on. I was in a lot of pain though from when I had been standing up so I had more painkillers and then ended up sleeping for a good chunk of the journey. My partner woke me up a little before our stop in Bristol and then helped me off the train. Bristol to Cardiff was pretty uneventful, we sat in priority seats again and it only took about half an hour to get to Cardiff. We got an uber home from the station since we were both very tired after the day of travelling.

I have to keep the drains in until Friday next week when I go back to hull to have them taken out. The post op binder has to stay on for 6 weeks however after the drains come out I will be able to remove it for a few minuets every couple of days to wash, whereas right not I’m not allowed to remove it at all. I was told I could return to work after two weeks and could drive again after the 2-3 week mark if I felt like I could handle the seatbelt against my chest. I can also start exercising again lightly after 6 weeks.

Recovering is going to be a long process but I’m so glad this finally happened. I’ve been waiting over 4 years since I was first referred for top surgery and honestly it was worth it. I feel so happy that it’s finally here.

#ftm #transgender #transman #transguy #personal #top surgery #mr kneeshaw #top surgery results #top surgery recovery #my experiences #trans #trans man #gay ftm #ftm transgender #transmale #gender affirming surgery #chest surgery

29 notes · View notes

datastate · 2 months

Text

@enterbrain

ohhhh is that the apothecary diaries? i heard its good ive been wanting to watch it... how is it so far?

YES! IT'S REALLY GOOD <3 this won't have any real spoilers, i'm just rambling

i'm really, really fond of all of the characters -- definitely its strong point, especially with the complexities of characters who are sympathetic to the audience but you can very much understand the anger/resentment with the limited (or abundant, depending) information other characters have to form that dynamic. even with those who you initially have a flat impression of, it really does its best to flesh them out the most... really the only one that felt unjustified to me at all was the doctor's story (guen), it felt very quick and out of place (at least in the anime) but for that to be the only moment it stood out negatively to me is impressive! i'm usually wary of " loredumps " (especially with my recent experience with the yakuza games OTL... i love you exposition but please integrate it smoothly...)

& it's honestly surprised me with the balance of eccentricisms (especially easy to overdo the humor of maomao and her mad scientist tendencies… but they did well imo!) and genuine emotional moments, but it really did know when & how to hit those beats... <3 especially fun when it leads into them from character traits that were once used as gags... you thought it was a joke? it was! but now we're backing it up to show more about the character as a person (mao's experimenting, jinshi's flattery, etc.)

speaking of! maomao's friendships with others felt really. natural, as well! which i really appreciate... i don't quite know how to put it into words, but also the humanizing regard for [sex work] was relieving too - which i suppose is a given when the main character was raised in a brothel, but even so x'] seeing her casual interactions/friendships with both verdigris workers and those who work under gyokuyou for no reason but to genuinely support one of their younger peers... it's nice. even xiaolan... i regret to say it, but i was expecting her to be killed/betray maomao for drama due to other stuff i've watched, but like. they got it! she's cheerful and bounces off of maomao really well without being overbearing. it was really nice. also look at them. they are literally avg high schoolers

the animation as well was really smooth and nice to watch! there was clearly a lot of effort put into it; very beautiful art and i admire the ways that they draw flowers... i have to take notes on that (and also the flowers they've used to represent each of the main cast... wails) -- they also have nice color coordination here! even without it necessarily being plain and uniform (at least, as the series goes on), i feel like it's really easy to pick up on which courts you're in or the position of who is on screen solely through their outfits. it's a really nice touch! also very pretty

let's see... i would warn that it does acknowledge age gaps and kidnapping/assault by virtue of the main line of work a lot of the characters take </3 nothing is explicit, but it is referenced occasionally - as well as talk of heirs and infant death (particularly with the first arc)

anyway :P all this is to say... i've really enjoyed it! was a really fun watch <3

#in its own post because the reply function wasn't. ideal :P #funnily enough i actually do have more to say but my brain's kinda fried atm...#anyway. yes. thumbup. ofc it might not be for everyone but this was in line with how mp100% made me feel...#and it's been a long time since i've felt so. invested in something instead of idly enjoying it #jestersvaguely #mutuals #reply #knh tag

3 notes · View notes

masterporky · 5 months

Text

im gonna go on some sort of rant that may be deleted later. i guess it could be considered a vague post but ive cut off anyone who im "vagueing" or whatever. its kinda my explanation why i havent been here much recently. its not very cohesive or anything its kinda just my pissed off rambling. its really long or whatever.

ive been treated very poorly by people in the rpc. it was mostly in a discord server made by someone i had trusted. i trusted them because they were older and more experienced than me. and they seemed nice

i guess its my fault for being a kid on the internet in spaces primarily dominated by adults

but also. those same adults were kids on the internet just like me when they started out. so i dont understand how they cant show an ounce of sympathy or come up to bat for me when i very obviously need it

i dont care if you hate children, i dont care one bit. it was an all ages server. pro tip: if you dont want to be around children in online spaces dont be in all ages spaces!

even if it was only me and about 3(?) other minors out of like 10 active people. i dont care.

im mostly angry at myself for joining a server out of blind trust for someone i thought i was friends with. i know it wasnt very smart of me to join a server where i knew most of the people would be adults

but i still cant understand why they all began to fucking hate me. they acted like i was aggressive and unapproachable because that was the type of character i played. they vagueposted about me and acted like i was some sort of villain.

they made groupchats where it was me and 2-3 other people (usually mods) and practically ganged up on me whenever they didnt like the way i spoke or the way i played my character. and then one of those people who said they had been "bullied" by me joined back afterwards because yippee!!! i was gone!!! so now they could shittalk me some more.

"bullied" was me wanting them to properly communicate with me when they didnt like something i said or wrote. which when they did do that it was while in those groupchats. "bullied" was just them not liking the way i talked.

this person did so much other than just fucking that. they borderline fetishized black women & played what i can only fucking call a shittily concealed mammy stereotype. they roleplayed as a pedophile around child characters and REAL CHILDREN (me) which yes when they were askrd to stop fucking using their pedophile character they did. and they told me i frustrated them because they didnt understand me. there is a very high chance that i am neurodivergent. i dont care if you're neurodivergent too, thats borderline ableism. and their partner threatened to harass me once i left. what a great fucking thing to do.

oh and after i left, along with another person they put their "triggers" as "pokey minch" and "earthbound" which is just fucking spitting in the face of anyone with real fucking triggers. i did not traumatize you. grow the fuck up.

one of the weirdest things that happened was that someone who had joined had been making me uncomfortable beforehand (i have since forgiven said person) and no one else knew them. so they completely ignored when i was uncomfortable. but then. they had their character say "kill yourself" to one of the mod's characters and suddenly they got immidiately banned after. hm.

dont get me started on the mods. the mods who i thought were my friends, but excused everyone elses far worse behavior while condemning what i had done. which was seemingly nothing. and the owner of the server did absolutely nothing but let them do this.

i think the worst thing i did was, in a panic when i started feeling like a horrible person, send an apology to the owner a week later i dont feel bad anymore. i dont feel bad because i know that i didnt deserve whatever the fuck they were doing to me in there. i feel bad that i basically lied about being sorry. i guess it wasnt lying because i did feel very sorry and guilty at the time but it wasnt right to send what was basically a false apology to them and i wish i didnt because its embarassing and also wrong.

and the worst thing my friend who i invited did who they also hated (he's also like. a minor) did was send a very mean message to one of the people who had gotten mad at me for a seemingly very small reason and sent mods after me for it. which. i appreciate him being the only one fighting on my behalf. but i dunno.

that person was one of the people who made pokey minch their trigger. and had also made some insane fucking comment once about being "neutral on gay and trans people. some are nice" thats called being a bigot you fucking walnut. you cant be neutral on that sort of thing. and they criticized their coworker for being "racist" when their coworker just said that they hated white people and then got fired for it

the person i had the most problems with had spread what seemed to be false rumors about someone else in the rpc as soon as they entered so im not very certain im going to be safe from any sort of thing like that.

these people were 21-32. i am 14.

and not to sound like im giving you my sob story but its just that. do they just not remember being a kid? do they not realize how genuinely worse being in school has gotten? late generation z kids, especially in a school thats like mine where theres no minorities and everyone hates anyone whos different is actually hell. the people who hate me for being edgy or coming off as mean would fucking drop dead if they stepped foot in my godforsaken fucking school. on top of being bullied relentlessly in school, i now have to fear that i'll be basically bullied in the spaces that i thought that id be safe in. and by none other than people who should know better and thay i thought would have known better because they're well past highschool.

im tired of being treated like im an easy target for harassment everywhere i go. i almost quit roleplaying on tumblr altogether after that because it was such a stressful experience as well as the entire server being made up by mostly people i was mutuals with and have since blocked

ok um i guess my point is just that well. if youre going to have your blog or your discord server be an all ages space maybe dont try and chase out children immidiately because you dont like them because theyre children. you were an edgy teenager who acted stupid too so you should try to have an ounce of compassion for edgy teenagers who act stupid.

oh and also if you cant separate fiction from reality then block me. straight up.

also like. idk if any of you are worried youre following any of these people. i aint gonna like list them down since this isnt supposed to be a callout post but if you like really wanna know for some reason you can like dm me. like as long as u dont harass anyone or anything idgaf

anyways heres some shitty memes i made off it cause like you gotta do something to like not entirely die after some bullshit like that

#POLLYANNA (ooc)

3 notes · View notes

reaperkiller · 6 months

Note

🤥👊🌙🍃⚾️🪤🎭🎁 for caleb hehe <3

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

answered here [:

👊 PUNCH - are they quick to violence?

definitely depends on the situation and who is involved but for the sake of not being Complicated?? yes. quick to violence but also he's very methodical about it. never goes Too far - considering most of the time it's about focusing on getting information from people, and theyre no use to him dead. so he has to be very specific and purposeful in what he does and how. very fun to watch though [:

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

he's well in his 40s now, so all he really wants is to just. settle down. he's been on his own for so long now and its starting to get to him a little bit. a lot actually. he's having a horrible time!!! he just wants to love someone and be loved. he wants a family. he wants to see his own family again. he's not gonna be particularly drastic about it. it'll happen when it happens. but he is gonna be very sad about it the whole time.

🍃 FALLING LEAF - do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

he LOVES being outside. he's an artist so on his days off he will just go out somewhere that looks nice and do so many sketches of everything he sees. it helps him relax, and keeps his brain from screaming at him for a bit. one of the few things that kept him sane back at the corps.

⚾ BASEBALL - can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power etc.)?

he's not a sports guy entirely because he does NOT!!! work well with other people. in terms of his strengths with that though. he is very fast, agile. powerhouse of a man. Slippery. is the best way i can describe it honestly

🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

that was his whole job basically. so the paycheck NWHAJSGDJFJGJG and thats still the case now on account of being a merc. but if it was something outside of work,, then a loved one being in danger would make him insane 1000% and he would do Whatever it takes to get them out of it no matter what. no questions asked. he does not care even a little bit about putting himself in danger like that. he's kind of grown numb to it i guess ):

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

OH OF COURSE. ive said this in another ask before but he is actually super nice and caring and gentle, when he lets people get to know him. anyone he works with only ever gets to see his coldness + hard focus on the job at hand and nothing else. they all assume he doesnt care about people, only the money at the end of the job. and while that is kind of true, he also cares SO much about the people he's protecting, whether he's getting paid or not. unless it's rich people/corpo assholes in which case. well he'll still do the job but he wont be happy about it.

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift giving?

honestly just give him some food and he will grow on you like moss. food is good. he will eat literally anything. it's been years since he's gotten gifts for anyone so he will kind of cry about it a little bit. maybe.

but get him art supplies??? a sketchbook??? a nice warm sweater??? well now he would die for you.

as for gift giving,,, he hasnt done that in SO many years so he's. a little rusty. but thats what adds to his charm i think. because no matter what he gets you, you can see just how much thought he put into it. and that is so. So important to me

#oc caleb #THANK YOU FOR ALL THESEBQGDJFJFJ FEEL FREE TO SEND MORE #I LOVE TALKING ABOUT CALEB SAUR MUCH

3 notes · View notes

eddieshellfxre · 2 years

Text

Ride to Hell

Eddie Munson x fem Harrington eader

word count: 2.3k

summary: you’re part of the Hellfire Club, you cant stop thinking about Eddie and turns out he cant either

warnings: 18+ fingering, oral sex, sex also this is my first time writting anything like this, i hope yall like it

***

"Steve, please step on the damn pedal, Eddie is gonna kill me if im late!" you tell your older brother

"You really think i dont have somewhere else to be too? I have a hot date and i still have to drive you to this stupid meeting" he says while tapping his fingers on the wheel relentlessly "besides ive told you like a hundred times i dont like it when you hang out with him, im totally against you joining his little cult"

You cant but roll your eye so far it hurts your head" its not a cult, its a club dickface! Besides hes a senior and so i am.... I dont see an issue" you say waving your arms around in a dramatic manor

"hes been a senior for two years dude" he says as he pulls up to Hawkins High. you ignore his last remark and open the door to leave" ALSO GET YOUR OWN RIDE HOME" he says shouting through the window, he speeds off right after for his super hot date.

You start to run the halls of Hawkins High and stop your tracks only to look down to realise you forgot to change your clothes for the club shirt "fucking shit, i cant walk in that room in this dress... fuck it". You find the door to the club and sprung it open only to find everyone looking at you. "Hi, sorry im late i-i was at a family birthday party, i also forgot to change clothes im sorry" you say while you sit in your usual spot next to Eddie "I can see that" Eddie says with a slight smirk on his face. You cant help but feel a bit nervous as you see the look on his face as he's eyeing you up and down what the fuck is happening right now. "Very nice of you to join us like that princess" You sit down and adjust your dress and a little bit more of you cleavage is showing, Eddie cant keep his eyes off you, and swallows dry as he adjusts himself on his seat.

The game goes on for a couple of hours and you cant help but feel frustrated at how this is turning out "you have got to be kidding me!" you let out "Let me roll, i know we can do this. what do i need?" you say slamming your hand at the top of the table and standing up "15 or higher sweetheart, think you can do it?" Eddie says he has this ironic chuckle "bite me Munson" you say clenching your teeth "oh would be my pleasure" Everyone else is looking at one another, trying to make something of whats going around them get your shit together, this is not the time for you little mind games Munson. "Yes i can do it, we're here to fight arent we?" you lean over the table to grab the dice, as you do this your white dress rises at the back, exposing a little more skin than it should. You make nothing of this as you are determined to win this fight, but this doesnt go past Eddie who is leaning his body slightly to the right to get a better view of whats going on behind you, he stops his movements and looks around the room to see if anyone noticed, but everyone is too concentrated in what number youre gonna roll. The tension builds up as you shake the dice in your hand. Eddie watched you closely, you turn to look at him and see that he has this smirk "wanna kiss it for good luck Munson?" you chuckle, Eddie smiles and bites down his lip, you throw it the dice... it bounces one, two three times "17 SHE ROLLED A 17 WE WON" Dustin screams as he jumps in his seat. Everyone just hugs one another, as you stand proudly looking at Eddie, he give you a bow and says "well done princess" you create this proud look on your face and smile.

Everyone starts packing up everything and starts to leave, Jeff turns to you "you were our saviour tonight, god bless you Queen of Hellfire" you laugh and thank him, everyone leaves the room and its just you two now, you and Eddie, completely alone, you help him pack up everything and remember you need someone to take you home "hey Eddie?” he tilts his head up slightly as you catch his attention do you mind giving me a ride? My stupid brother has a hot date and wont come pick me up after" youre kinda shy asking him this, specially after what you've been thinking about him for the past weeks non-stop. How it would feel like to feel his lips on you, his smell hovering your body, sucking out every little bit of air you have in it "sure, no problem at all sweetheart" a knot builds up in your throat as you hear it "sweetheart" "princess" all these pet-names that he calls you and drive you crazy, you just try to play it off as cool, that it doesnt bother you, but it does, it so does.

"Can you please stop calling me that" you mumble under your breath. Eddie smiles and walks towards you, pulling you in by the waist "why? Does it make you nervous princess?" you look down at his shirt, the tattoo peaking through the collar, driving you insane. How can tattoos have this affect on you? More like tattoos on Eddie have this affect on you, you shake your head trying to make something of what was going on, you feel a rush of heat running through your whole body "look at me" he places his hand on your chin, pushing it up slightly, your eyes meet his eyes, his brown beautiful eyes and go weak again.

You start you feel yourself getting wet at his touch "i asked you something, didnt i?" he says as he pulls his face closer to yours, you can feel his breath on you and his rings starting you dig into your skin from how hard hes holding you. "Lock the door" he whispers as he lets you go and sits back on his chair, or as the boys call it the throne. He watched you as you lock the door and turn back to look at him. There he is slouching back on his throne, touching the right corner of his lips with his middle finger, that same finger that has this huge chunky ring on it, you cant help but to think how that ring would feel on you, the metal against you hot body. "Come here" he says making a motion with his index finger. You obey, you find youself standing in front of him, between his legs while hes eyeing you up and down. You feel his hand going up your thigh, meeting the bottom elastic of your underwear.

"So... about that ride you asked for" he says smiling while he undoes the top three buttons of your dress, revealing the lace bra you have on, moving his hand down your body "does it only have to be a car ride or-" you cut him off by sitting wide open on his lap, takes him by surprise, he likes it you can tell as he lets out a groan of satisfaction, it echoes through you. You take a handful of his long brown hair and pull back his head

"Munson, if you dont do something about the state im in right now i swear to god-" he pulls you in for a kiss, the kiss you've imagined so many times in your head, late at night. Eddie moves your hips everytime he kisses you, his tongue playing with yours. You can feel his bulge getting bigger through his jeans, creating friction on your underwear. You cant help but let out a slight moan as it touches your sensitive spot "god Eddie what the hell" you breath out.

At this point you need him, you need him bad, he moves his hand behind you, grabs your ass so tight under your dress you can tell is gonna leave an print of his fingers and his rings, you move your head to the side giving him access to your neck, he understands this and places his lips onto you, sucking hard.

You can feel a slight burn, but you dont mind it, you like it, it turns you on even more than you already are "jesus christ Munson" you let out

"you've been teasing the shit out of me ever since you joined the club sweetheart. Dont think i would notice? Dont think i would notice that pretty little short dress of yours?" he whispers close to your ear, sending you shivers all over, a rush of electricity runs all over your body as you feel his breath on you

“-i didnt do it on purpose i really forgot to change" "and thank god you did it because its way easier to this this" he slides his hand to your underwear, moving it to the side. Without warning he traces a finger through your slit "Eddie" a moan that makes him smile, you move your hips higher allowing him more access, you can feel the cold metal of his rings going near your opening as he inserts two fingers inside you, you fall forward letting out a loud moan, you bury your face in his neck trying to muffle the sound, grabbing yourself on the high tops of his throne for stability, he starts to curl his fingers inside you while pressing his thumb on your clit making small and controlled circles, his thumb is in such rhythm with the other two, it gives you a new feelin, something that takes your breath away "you feel amazing baby" eddie says as he feels your inside knowing exactly what buttons to push, you start to clench your inside as Eddie feels it, youre close "oh no sweetheart, dont think im gonna let you come this easy do you?" hes such a tease, you just wanna feel him inside you, hes driving you crazy.

How the fuck did we get here, we were playing just couple minutes ago, now the game is- Eddie breaks your train of thought as he pushes you away, releasing your tight pussy to unbuckle his belt and push down his worn out black jeans just enough for his throbbing cock to spring out of his jeans, your mouth automatically starts to water as you look at his huge dick, you get down on your knees and place your hands at the bottom of his shaft, placing your mouth at the tip of his dick tasting is pre cum thats already there dripping, Eddie throws his head back with his hand at the top of your head, guiding you slowly as you take all of him in your mouth.

He moves his hips just enough to have him touch the back of your throat, you cant help but gag but you dont mind, you like it and you can tell he does too, hes getting close you can feel it so you slow your pace, you wanna tease him as much as he teases you. You start to suck in your cheeks and releasing him from your mouth, you run your tongue along his shaft, kissing the top of his head, you look up at him while you do this, its driving him crazy. "fuck you feel good baby- stop teasing me" you let you a laugh while your mouth is still around him, it vibrates giving him a sensation he cant explain, he lets out a moan, a moan that turns out it was music to your ears. "c-comehere" he breaths out, tugging your hair to suggest that you stand up.

You strandle him and he lines his dick with your entrance, teasing you, driving you wild "Eddie just fuck me for the love of god" he laughs and lets you slide down him "oh-ohmygod"you let out dropping your head "you feel so good baby, i cant tell you how long ive waited for this" how long hes been waiting for this? Is he serious right now? you grab the top of his throne again for stability you grab on thigh onto it, trying to hold back your moans but you cant help but let out some "why you holding back, i wanna hear you baby" "someone could hear us Eddie" you say as you move up and down on him, he raises your skirt so he can see you go up and down, his left hand goes up to your breasts and starts to push the top of your dress down, revealing your tits, he takes his mouth to your hard nipple and you feel his tongue playing around your hard nipple "Eddie im close, im so close"

"hold on princess, just a little bit longer... can you do that for me? Be a good girl and do that for me" his words hit you like a wave, you could swear you were on cloud nine at this point. He thrusts his hips harder and harder you feel it in your throat, hitting just the right spot. You were ready to see jesus at some point but Eddie sure feels more like the devil. No angel could fuck you this good, there is no way, you start to clench your inside around him "fuck, youre so tight, youre so tight for me baby. You wanna come? C'mon come for me i wanna feel you" "mmmmm Eddie ohmygod" you throw your head back as you reach your orgasm "im close too baby, where do you want me to cum?" "m-mouth" you manage to breath out as you climb off him to get on your knees "open for me" Eddie says as he gives himself a couple more strokes and shoots his cum directly into your mouth, you swallow right away and leave him speechless.

He picks you up and hold you into a sloppy and wet kiss "maybe next time we can go for a ride in my van instead, it might be more comfortable than my throne" you laugh nervously, cheeks flush red "yeah, i dont really know how im gonna be able to concentrate in D&D now that i know what happened in that chair" Eddie grabs your ass so hard you let out a whine pulls his lips close to your ear "throne sweetheart".

#eddiemunson #munson #strangerthings #hellfireclub #eddiehellfire #eddiestrangerthings #eddiesmut #edditfanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things s4 #hellfire club #eddie munson hellfire

87 notes · View notes