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#but it is so scary and frustrating to not have it be one or the other gray area is scary uncertainty is scary i can barely stand it
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The Nanny Pt. 2
Pairing: Father! Eddie Munson x reader
Warnings: I have never been on a tour bus. I've done a bit of research so I have an idea of what they look like. The bus portions might not be completely accurate, especially since they're supposed to be from the 1980-90's. Sorry if it's not 100% accurate. Also swearing.
Series Summary: Years ago you and Eddie used to be friends. After you graduated, you two fell out of contact. After years of not speaking to each other, Eddie offers you a job you can't resist; be a nanny for his little girl.
Part Summary: It's time to start your new job; nannying for the child of a rock star.
*Not Proof Read*
Tag List: @maskofmirrors @saucypeanuttt @hugdealer
******
Was this a good idea?
I stare up at the large bus looming over me. It casts a shadow over my body, leaving me feeling cold.
Can I handle this? I've never been away from Hawkins for longer than a few months. What if something goes wrong? What if I get fired?
" You can come in, ya know. " Eddie's voice startles me.
I look over at the previously empty door frame. Eddie's chest and head peek past the shiny black door frame. His style hasn't changed a bit. Still the same old Eddie.
Or is it?
" I promise we don't bite. " Eddie's voice is playful. It's comforting. Familiar.
" I hope. I'm really not interested in getting rabies anytime soon. " I joke back, trying to shake off the uneasiness. Eddie wouldn't hurt me. Not with his kid on board. Plus, I grew up with the other guys. They might look scary but I could beat their asses if it really came down to it.
Eddie's laugh is exactly the same. Warm and smooth, something that's so easy to listen to and get lost in. Something you want to hear over and over again.
Eddie moves out of the way so I can get onto the bus. " I was worried you got lost. Sorry I couldn't pick you up today. Rose decided it was the perfect day to get get marker on every possible portion of her skin. "
I let out a small laugh at the sight of Eddie's slightly frustrated sigh. " Oh no. "
He cracks a small smile. " Don't worry, I was able to get it all off. She's slightly less green now. I hope it wasn't too stressful getting here. "
As he talks Eddie leads me towards the back of the bus.
This place if fucking huge. I mean, they are global rockstars. Why wouldn't it be?
I had no idea a bus could hold this much stuff. It's basically a mini apartment. Everything looks brand new. The leather couches are glossy and luxurious, something I definitely couldn't afford on my own.
" It wasn't that bad. It's kinda hard to miss a huge bus in the middle of Hawkins. I mean, we don't get much action down here. But you know that, duh. You lived. " I don't know why I feel so awkward. So nervous. It's the new environment, it has to be. I'll get used to it.
We pass a few rows of what I assume are bunks. Clothes are scattered along the floor and partially hanging out of a few of the bunks. This is definitely where Gareth, Doug and Jeff sleep.
" This is the boy's area. " My suspicions confirmed. " Fuck. " Eddie mutters, nearly tripping over a hidden pile of magazines. " I told them to clean this shit up earlier. Obviously they don't listen. " Eddie reaches down and snags one of the partially open magazines off of the ground.
A nearly naked woman holding an open notebook to cover her chest stares back up at him.
" I'm gonna have to talk to him about this. Jeff can't just have this shit lying around in the open when Rosie's on the bus. " Eddie chucks the magazine into one of the bunks, shaking his head in disapproval.
We finally get to the last section of the bus, a separated room. " I just wanted to let you know about a few of the rules I have for Rosie. " He pulls a small slip of paper out of his black ripped jeans. " I didn't know if I should make a list. I've never really had a nanny before. I figured it's better safe than sorry. " His eyes scan over the ripped white sheet in his hands. The back has streaks of green and blue, something I'm guessing is curtesy of Rose.
" I really want to try to get her to bed at 8. 8:30 at most. I've been a bit lax about it the past few days since we're trying to adjust to the whole tour bus thing, but I read that structure's like really important for a kid so I'm trying to do that. As much as I can I mean. It's a little difficult on tour. " He lets out a small tired laugh. The past few days have definitely taken a toll on him.
" I get that. I'll do my best to get her to bed on time. " I reassure him, hoping to take some of the stress off of his plate.
" Thanks. " His eyes meet mine. " That'd really help me out a ton. I'm trying to keep cursing away from Rose. So please no curse words around her. "
" Oh my, Gareth, Doug, and Jeff not swearing? That's a first for sure. " I say in slight disbelief. I never thought I'd see the day.
Eddie chuckles. " It's a struggle. They slip up sometimes. I do too. It's hard not to, but I really don't want Rose to end up being that kid who curses in every sentence in class. At least not until high school. " Eddie hands the small slip of paper to me. " She's not allowed to have any photos taken of her. I understand that's going to be hard with the fuck-sorry, freaking paparazzi, but just maybe try to cover her face or something if they manage to find us or see her. People know what she looks like so if something does manage to get taken, I'm not going to flip out. I just don't feel comfortable with her face being everywhere on anything. "
I nod. " I completely understand. I wouldn't want my kid's pictures out there like that. I'll do what I can. "
" Thanks. Alright, I think that's really it right now. If something comes up I'll let you know. " Eddie opens the door and immediately a small head pokes out from one of the curtains blocking what I'm guessing are the beds. " This is the bunk room where everyone sleeps.
" You! " Rose squeaks, pointing a small finger at me. She jumps out of the bottom bunk she's on before launching herself in our direction. The small bunny from before is still tightly clutched under her arm, this time it's got a plastic pink necklace around it's neck and a bright purple bow squishing the two ears together. " Hi. " She grins up at me.
Faded green lines cover the tops of her hands. She's dressed in a small princess-like outfit, a stark contrast in color to the mostly dark bus.
Like her, her bunk is covered by a princess themed curtain, the only curtain that's a color other than black.
I smile down at the small girl. " Hey, Rose. How are you today? " I ask, bending slightly to meet her eye level.
" Good! I-I have a tea party wif- wif daddy and den we ated cookies! " She exclaims. " Daddy leted (Let) me play wif his gui-guigar (guitar) today too! "
Eddie chuckles, ruffling the wild curls of the little girl. " It's guitar, baby. "
" That's what I said! " She sasses, her face crinkling into an annoyed pout.
Eddie rolls his eyes. " This child. "
" I wonder where she gets that from. " I tease the man.
He places a hand on his heart. " Well, I have no idea. Couldn't be me. It hurt you'd assume I'm the dramatic one. " He pouts dramatically. His pout is nearly identical to the mini him standing inches away from us.
There's no way in hell someone could think they're not related. From the attitude to the hair, the genetics stand strong.
" This is your bunk. It's right above Rosie's. Your shelves are right here. " He pulls out three shelves on the right side of the bunks. " And this is your closet. " He gestures to the taller portion up top. " I'm right across from Rosie and usually the bunk up top is used for storage unless we have an extra guest or something. " Eddie leans back against his bunk. " It's a little tight in here but it's only temporary. We'll be outta here in a day or so and on our way to Texas. "
I pull open the curtain that hides my bed. A small fully made bed sits on the other side. A portable lamp sits neatly tucked in the top corner by a fluffed-out pillow. It's tight but there's still enough room to move around a bit. " Are we flying? " I ask curiously. I assumed that at some point or another, we'd be flying. That's something that's made me a bit anxious. I've never been on a plane before.
" Yeah-Whoa! " Eddie lets out a surprised gasp.
Rose giggles as she clings to her father's tattoo-covered arms. He's upgraded from the small stick n pokes to a few larger pieces. " Daddy I jumpted good. "
Eddie pulls Rose up to his chest, tightly hugging her while playfully swinging her around. " Yah you did kiddo. " He says with amusement in his tone. His gaze returns back to me. " I bought you tickets for all of the flights and rooms at the hotels we're staying at so everything is covered. "
" Thank you. " I smile at the guy.
He's changed. He seems...calmer. Less reckless than the kid I knew years ago. Having Rose' has probably changed that. He's mature now.
" Of course, you're doing me a huge favor. " He gently sets his kid back onto the ground. " By the way, if you need anything, please let me know. I can get it for you. Or let our assistant Gina know. She's got one of my cards too. "
" I feel like I'm getting more out of this than you are. " I say softly. " You're giving me so much. I feel bad for taking all of your money. "
Eddie shakes his head, his curles flying out. " You don't need to feel bad for anything. I promise. You're gonna help me out so much. I was stressing so bad trying to find someone to help with Rose. I was so worried I wouldn't find someone in time. I'm just giving you the resources to help you guys live comfortably. And you're not spending all of my money. I promise you. I wouldn't be doing all of this if I couldn't afford to. " Eddie says honestly.
" Thanks Ed. " I send him a small smile.
A part of me still feels a little bad but the other part is so excited. I've never done anything like this before. I can't wait to see what happens.
" The guys will be back from the gas station anytime soon and then we'll hit the road. It's probably best if you get all of your stuff put away so you're not flying around back here when we take off. " Eddie reaches into Rose' bunk where she's retreated back into. She lets out a loud squeal as she's pulled into the light by her father, her hands gripping tightly onto two small dolls.
" Daddy! "
Eddie chuckles at her frustrated shout. " I'm going to take this one on a walk to get her jitters out so she doesn't destroy the bus while we're on the road. " Eddie tickles Rose' tummy. " Isn't that right, baby? You're full of energy, aren't ya? Aren't ya? " His voice switches into a baby voice as he pulls his face close to his daughters.
She lets out a loud belly laugh. " No! Daddy Stop! " She shouts in between giggles.
Eddie sets Rose on his hip, careful not to bump her into anything. " We'll be back. " He says before leading her back to the enterence of the bus.
I watch as they walk away, a smile on my face.
This is going to be interesting.
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mychlapci · 2 days
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i hope my unfinished ask didn't get sent...whoops
anyways, small dick megatron guy here to celebrate mermay
Megatron as a fat, mean shark that had to be put in captivity because his aggression was risking researchers in the rust sea. Even in his tank in the facility everyone is scared shitless of him
theres some sort of emergency and Starscream, a tiny flying fish, is seperated from his trine. He has to be cohabilitated though and the only avaliable tank is Megatron's
half of the researchers are expecting screamer to get ripped in half the second he's placed in there. What they dont expect is Starscream to immediately start bullying their giant scary shark (nipping at him, using his speed to steal meals, etc). Megs goes into heat by coincidence and Starscream reveals two absolutely massive spikes (combined theyre basically the width of his own tail).
he bullies Megatrons slit and reveals a pitifully tiny spike. all of the researchers present assume its an enlarged clit until they look closer.
Starscream gets to dick down a nice fat carrier and Megatron isnt a problem anymore because hes pinned down to the bottom of the tank and cant attack anyone anymore
YESSS oh lord. Big scary shark Megatron, a terror to everyone out on the open sea, restraining him cost lives. Researchers steer clear of his tank and the people who dump fish in there basically just hop in and out in under a minute, because Megatron is intelligent. He knows when someone is above his tank and he won’t hesitate to swipe at them.
Then you have a small Starscream, hissy, but manageable with enough rope and twine at hand. Megatron’s tank was the only one that wasn’t full to its capacity. Because it only contained that damn sea monster. It wasn’t a good idea, but if they’d put Starscream into a full tank, they’d be breaking regulations.
Megatron is not fond of Starscream at all. He’s clearly tried to rip him apart, and almost had caught Starscream while he was causing him trouble, but Starscream was still faster and more nimble than the big bulky shark. Megatron was getting more and more frustrated with him to the point where the staff was worried that he was getting too distressed for his own good, which is, honestly not what they expected to happen. Maybe he’d gotten so angry he sank straight into a heat. Maybe it really was a coincidence.
hrghh… Megatron with just a tiny little dicklet. It’s so small they’re worried Starscream had done something to irritate his anterior node but nope, Megatron’s spike is just so little, small enough that it would’ve fit into Starscream without any fuss… If Starscream was ever willing to take that excuse for a spike, which he is not. Starscream pounds him so hard that Megatron immediately melts. He’s happily clenching and squeezing around his fat spikes, slapping his tail against Starscream when he pulls out because he wants more.
Once he’s fat enough with so many babies, Megatron’s grounded and lounging around in his nest of coral and kelp most of the day, looking blissed out. Most of the violent behaviour he displays nowadays are his frustrations with not being mated with for longer than Starscream can last. I bet there's so many pups wriggling out of him when the time comes. He'll be flailing around, making pathetic attempts at swimming that Starscream entertains by wedging under him and "helping" him stay up.
the staff are baffled. They didn't know they had such an amazing breeder on their hands <3
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liesmyth · 1 day
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Do you have any recommendations for bodyweight workouts someone could do at home? I want to get into strength training but I’m terrified of the weight floor at gyms lol
HI HELLO YES. I absolutely do rec my one and only, beloved, HOT, ass-bursting youtube workout queen Caroline Girvan. Her youtube-only programs were my lifeline during the lockdowns; it's technically a dumbell weight program but you can also do it bodyweight! It plays a lot with variations on exercises / tempo / eccentric contractions etc and it's quite solid progression-wise in terms of actually making you stronger. If you want to get a set of dumbells or hold a pair of water bottles that'll make it more effective, but it's a great workout even bodyweight only.
Here are all her programs playlists; most of the long programs are designed to be done 5x/week, and the short playlists are one week each. She's pretty good at explaining everything in the video (at the beginning, it's a no-talk kind of yt workout) and I really recommend checking them out. I will say I DID get noticeably stronger doing these for about 6 months, although I used weights.
Another very popular (and very effective!) routine is the r/bodyweightfitness recommended progression. That subreddit is a wealth of resources and I really can't recommend their wiki enough, but the downside is that you will need some equipment and that could be a stumbling block (although you might have access to it at your gym)
In general, progressing with bodyweights-only routines is a lot more uneven than with weights, so it can be a bit frustrating, but the reward is that callisthenics-types skills make you cool as hell.
(Also. if it helps. I'm a weight room enthusiast and my askbox is always open if you need any types or anecdotes to demystify it — I promise it's not that scary IF you want to give it a go. But I also know that it can be very scary or just plain boring to some people, and that's valid too — there's a lot of stuff you can achieve without ever touching a barbell or a weight machine)
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thevulturesquadron · 17 hours
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THAT LATEST EPISODEEEE
Okay okay I have many thoughts and I apologise if this is gonna end up very incoherent and disjointed but I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE AHHHHH
You know what the episode did very well (the writers, man)? Make the audience feel like they're taking crazy pills. There's this almost cognitive dissonance from the rest of the squad (Charles esp) with the way they say and behave because as Rogue stated "none of you were there". This is SO good in showcasing that you can be as understanding as you want, be literally a part of the same group... and STILL it's not enough because you didn't have the (in this case unfortunate) exact experience. The previous episode is a great addendum to this. The rest of humanity's (majorly the big wigs of course but you get what i mean) scared and at worst callous and apathetic reaction to the genocide. They're not scared because of what happened to those mutants, they're scared because of what Magneto would do in retaliation. Cooper is another example of how much actual experience can wholly change a person. She's not a mutant... but she was THERE. Erik and Rogue were there... right in the middle of it. How does anyone expect SOMETHING to not happen. You know who else saw what happened? Us, the audience. The latest episode felt frustrating and cathartic in the best way. It felt like decades of repressed righteous anger spilling in the most messiest manner, but it's OUT there. It needed to be said. Rogue's rant at the group before joining Erik, Erik's iconic "SHUT UP" line (yo lemme tell you istg i said the EXACT thing after that drivel Charles said). That's another thing that was so well done. Showcasing that no matter how well meaning Charles is... sometimes it feels like the dude's not LISTENING (Erik talks about watching a child be eviscerated in front of his very eyes, and I feel like all he's getting from others is an 'aw im sorry thoughts and prayers now can you please CHILL out') and does need this slap in the face. And the consequences keep piling up (the last big thing being what happened to Logan). Nothing will ever be normal and it's sad and scary and I'm very much looking forward to what comes next.
On a small note, showing how Roberto's decision was unsure with him trying to apologise to Jubilee and then his shocked reaction at her not wanting to hear him was so sad. It truly felt like a boy who only realised how massive of a consequence he's facing but just wanting his friend back.
I'm pretty sure I had more things to say and a more thoughtful way of saying them but anyway... 10/10. VERY ANGERING AND FANTASTIC. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE LAST EP!!!
HI!!! ✨SAME!! 💜💜💜💜 thanks for coming in kicking the door down and shouting my way cause I needed that!! My brain has been stuck on a loop with the events in E9.
I love, love, love this episode exactly because of the strong emotions it made me go through. To see the division, to see where everyone stands, to see what matters most to them: what they are going through or an ideal? It. Was. So. Good! It was skin itching to see it at the same time. Each episode has continued to take me by surprise and go beyond my expectations.
I love how well the writers have been able to portray the difference between people who have been through horrible events, and those who have seen them ‘on screen’. Remember in episode 7 when Amelia said 'a survivor is the last thing I’d wanna be.’? Now it resonates even more than ever. It’s poetry. And yes, Cooper isn’t just someone who ‘saw it Magneto’s way’. No. She was one of the perpetrators caught in the middle.
So that when Scott goes around saying ‘Magneto is responsible for this.’ When Wolverine is out for blood - it should make you angry cause it feels like the crimes that Bastion has orchestrated are secondary to the X-men's agenda of 'righting a wrong'. Bastion is just a battle, another villain they need to defeat. But the call was coming from inside the house all along.
I’ve seen people online saying that this episode did Magneto dirty. But I think it’s the opposite. Magneto had always been capable of awful things in his pain and anger, but that’s not the point the writers are trying to make. The name of the episodes is ‘Tolerance is extinction’ - the whole point is to put the viewer in the uncomfortable position of understanding Magneto’s anger, but knowing his actions have big consequences, all the while making you lose your mind at how backwards and ignorant Charles' side seems. People are dying because ultimately his dream is more important than the people the dream is made for. And Rogue and Magneto are calling him out on it. The beauty of it is that Charles is preaching an ethical way where everyone matters, but how entitled and arrogant he must come across when everyone else around him is just ‘sacrifices he is willing to make’ for the sake of an ideal. It’s beautiful and awful that the cry for battle and survival is coming from the mouth of those that have nothing left but violence in them, while the champions of the just offer shackles and tell those that suffer to endure more for the greater good.
Yes this episode is supposed to make people angry and confused. And I think it succeeds.
If there is one less positive thing to say about the show, it's the pacing. You can feel that they were forced to put everything in just 10 episodes because there are a lot of moments throughout the show that are either missing or rushed. (For ex. in this last episode I would have liked to have scene with Rogue and Roberto on Asteroid M, in a similar fashion to what we got for the two X-men squads; just a glimpse at how things are impacting them instead of immediately seeing them in a 'villain guards' roles.) But I am not going to hold it against the show; from what they've delivered it reads a lot like cuts that they needed to live with.
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beneathsilverstars · 4 days
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Drew some family portraits to figure out how I want to draw everyone!! I was so brave and basically kept them in canon greyscale even though coloring is my favorite thing in the world 😤
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smile-files · 16 days
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i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.
i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.
at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).
recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)
because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!
and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.
for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.
but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.
#melonposting#anti-zionism#israel#i am so madddd and frustrated and stressed#with the whole camp thing going on my parents will inevitably find out (and soon!) that i'm anti-zionist#and given their age and proximity -- they're so deeply entrenched in zionism that i can't even hope to sway them#it's so sad and scary (i don't want them to be mad at me -- even though that really isn't the important thing here)#but it's also philosophically bizarre... like these people have good principles!#it's just this one tiny stupid thing (believing in israel) that's effectively turned them into bad people!#<- it's weird saying something like that. because i don't think they're bad people. but they're zionist.#part of it is that they're my parents and i love them but also... they're so good otherwise. a single thing went wrong.#(okay well not a single thing but it's generally minute things y'know?)#i don't wanna hate my parents. and i don't want them to hate me. can they please for the love of god stop#(takes every jew i know by the shoulders and shakes them back and forth) PLEAAAASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOPPPPPPP#anyway it's very hard for me to do work because i have this on my mind.#how do i break it to my parents that 1. i won't be working at camp this summer and 2. it's because i hate zionism?#i'm not cut out for situations like these ughhhhh why did i have to post that stupid anti-zionist instagram story in march#i could've just chosen not to take the job on my own accord and have enough time to come up with an excuse for my parents#whatever. too late for that. i dug my grave and now must lie in it#i guess it's character-building?? :')
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ivylira · 3 months
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some of my old(ish) genshin fanart
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snickerdoodlles · 1 month
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there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it
#its like#people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards#except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that#and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option#and like#vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them#a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr#where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them#part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling#like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other#vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented#like? its not like theres any one way to fandom#and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs#but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like#idk#feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want#.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend#i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me#but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs#which is a very different dynamic#its like. hmmm words#i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages#vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal#if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe#and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need#before returning to it later when i have more time/energy#its got Longevity that discord lacks u know#........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE
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boyywithluv · 12 days
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#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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abstractlesbian · 4 months
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Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.
#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online#on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating#but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence#i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were#being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations'#not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities)#in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking#i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc#→ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that → realize thats not fair to them → realize thats not fair to myself#→ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them → get along better and maybe make a new friend!#sorry i am rambling#idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this#social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future#but im also like ready to have this persons back#me 🤝 them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across#and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc#not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!!#lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying#but not harmful#thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life#just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy.#or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly#again like only for shit that's not harmful obv#i need to shut up and go to bed
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madtomedgar · 1 year
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Fun bad writing thing: everyone talks about character x as if theyvare uniquely evil, then worst, master manipulator, devoid of feeling, sadism incarnate, twisted and won't stop until the whole world is at their feet, not even then. And it's clear the reader is supposed to agree with these assessments. But. The actual things character x does are like... Fine? Not great but not even the worst actions committed in the story? Usually understandable? And their ~evil manipulation skills~ either never show up or are severely overhyped, however it's clear the author still thinks they've written the Most Nefarious Villain Ever. Bonus if there's some factor that makes this character an outsider who is vulnerable to mischaracterization in this specific way, like gender, ethnicity, class, etc.
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killmymind · 1 month
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i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh
#feeling sad? sure. hopeless? been there done that. anxious as hell? at least once a week. but lost? no. not really#and that’s really fucking scary because i’m not familiar with it and i just don’t know how to deal with it#i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time because i’m 25 and i don’t think i can afford feeling this way#taking a break from uni sounds good in theory but in reality? again. i’m 25. i need to at least achieve one thing in my life holy shit#it’s SO hard to see the good even when it’s right in front of me or someone points it out. like having a job or studying or getting to#travel or even just having friends ARE achievements but i always want More More and More i am addicted to wanting more cause it feels like#nothing i do is ever enough. and now i’m adding feeling lost because i’m finally acknowledging the fact that i don’t know what i want to do#with what i’m studying or how to get a different job in the future when i almost have no experience and everything is just so frustrating#because i simply don’t fucking know. i just don’t. i can’t afford not knowing!! everything is so messy rn you would think i’d be thriving#after seeing louis and meeting aria and traveling to germany and i am genuinely so happy those things happened but fuck man there is always#the Bigger Thing taking over and it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat i just don’t fucking know man. maybe i am an ungrateful brat#but it’s just so hard to be happy when you’re feeling so lost with everything in your life and yourself#anyway i just. needed to let that out#negative#effie talks to the moon
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"If you had a happy childhood of course you don't find the movie scary and find it rather boring. "
"if you didn't experience abuse it isn't scary for you"
these takes are driving me bonkers I had a perfectly normal childhood with no abuse or trauma and that movie scared the pants off me. I have a thing about audio/visual distortion. also liminality. also I liked to stay up way too late as a kid. also everything scared me as a kid because I have a very anxious personality. not trauma just like... I definitely felt Unsettled in a place that still dissonantly felt Safe as a kid and it wasn't due to any trauma or neglect or abuse. I had a good childhood and Skinamarink still terrified me.
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goldensunset · 8 months
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*skibby voice* i used to rule the world…
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squirmydonnie · 1 month
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My brain is such a mixed bag. It doesnt understand anything
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duskythesomething · 2 months
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it literally fucking sucks trying to talk about my snakes or hermits and people around me saying how disgusting they are or how they think my pets should die :/
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