#but instead theyre wasting their time helping you by giving you all the answers on calls
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heyyy could u write something where like reader is about to shower but starts to get really insecure and kinda has a breakdown, BUT ellie reassures her. (pls also give reader stretch marks bc i've been so insecure abt mine lately and i have them literally everywhere. thighs, hips, even on my boobs lol) <3
ELLIE WILLIAMS X INSECURE!READER
mdni please<3
warnings: 18+!! but tbh its minors safe this time i think ??
writers note: just a reminder youre all beautiful no matter what!! beauty standards or wtv was it called are something we shouldnt base our life on but we sadly do. self love is the key to happiness and dont let other people ruin it!!🩷🩷and to our lovely anon, you dont need to worry about stretch marks. trust me, most of people dont even pay attention to them! its nothing 'special in a bad way'. i lately got some too, right before my holidays and theyre sooo visible through my summer clothes but its something you can get used to be comfortable with. please, anon, dont think less of yourself because of them nor any other insecurities. and this comes to everyone!!💞
it was already late so you were getting ready to take a shower to not waste any more time. you put your clothes on a nearby shelf. you stood in front of the mirror in your underwear only, looking for anything that could be possibly pointed out, like you didn't have enough insecurities already. feeling rather self-conscious, you were examining your reflection for any flaws or imperfections. every detail of your body was being inspected up-close, from the lines on your stomach, to the size of your thighs, to the shape of your shoulders and face. your eyes were scanning every inch of you, seeking any signs of something you could hate, even if others wouldn't notice them. you couldn't help but wonder if the things you were stressing over were even worth worrying about, or if you were just creating problems where they didn't exist.
either way, you couldn't help but hate them. and since you mostly focused on bad things and you didn't see your advantages - you hated yourself. in your eyes your whole body could change. or even should change.
the more you stared at yourself in the mirror, picking apart every little thing, the more you hated what you saw. it felt like nothing was good enough, like every little imperfection needed to be changed or worked on. you felt like you could never measure up to this impossible standard, like your entire body was inadequate. the insecurities were eating away at you, gnawing away until any confidence or self-love you might've had was gone.
that was the moment your eyes beginned to get glossy. you didn't cry though, oh, no. you hated the way you look when you cry, just like everything else, so you tried your best to hold back tears. the floodgates were beginning to open, but you held them back with everything you had. you despised the way you looked when you cried: the tears down your cheeks, your puffy eyes, all those disgusting, revolting imperfections. as much as you hated your flaws, you despised your crying face even more. you would never let anyone see you like that, never.
suddenly, your girlfriend and roommate in one, knocked on the door. "everything okay in there?"
she must notice you're taking your time instead of simply taking a shower already.
you stayed silent, knowing if you try to open your mouth you couldn't control what comes from them. you'd probably break down and the thick door won't be enough to mute your pathetic sobs.
you didn't want to answer, but then again, you knew if you stayed quiet, your girlfriend would eventually come in and check on you. you had to keep yourself together. you couldn't fall apart right in front of her like that.
you let out a shaky breath and replied, "yeah, everything's fine." you could feel your voice cracking with each word, but you were determined not to let her see you in such a sorry state.
what if she sees me the way i see myself?
your girlfriend wasn't fooled by your shaky reply. even if you denied it, she knew something was wrong. she heard the emotion in your voice and could sense the struggle to keep yourself together. without another word, she opened the door and walked in.
"what's wrong, pretty girl?" she asked when she didn't saw your glossy eyes yet.
you, on the other hand, couldn't control yourself anymore. the nickname 'pretty girl' hit you instantly, thinking you're anything but pretty.
pretty.
girl.
those two words hit you harder than a punch to the gut, evoking a strong reaction that you tried to mask. you took a deep breath to steady your voice so that you didn't break, but it was impossible to sound completely calm when you felt so much pain just from those two words.
"nothing." you muttered quietly, but your voice sounded more like a choke than a word.
she hugged you from behind, looking in the same, unlucky mirror. her hands softly touched the scretch marks on your hips as she hold onto them, gently rocking you back and forth.
you wanted nothing more than to reject this hug and flee from your own reflection in the mirror, but you were too weak to pull away.
"nothing?" she asked gently, planting little kisses from your neck to shoulders.
you felt a wave of shame and embarrassment wash over you as your girlfriend's touch revealed the marks on your hips. she immediately spotted them and caressed them with her soft hands.
it all felt too much. you were fighting so hard to hold yourself together, but when she touched you, it all came crashing down. the tears finally escaped and you began to sob, clinging onto her tightly as you broke down. "no... not nothing..."
she held you close, feeling your warmth as her arms wrapped around you and her hands comforted your pain. she rubbed your back and kissed your neck as she tried to soothe you. "shh, come here, it's okay..." she whispered gently.
she led you over to the bed and laid you down. she carefully took off her shirt, leaving on only her bra and boxers, then laid down with you, hugging you tightly. she kissed your neck, your face, brushed your hair back, caressed your body, your stretch marks, your insecurities (at least the ones she knew about), anything to try and comfort you. she whispered words of reassurance and love as she tried to fill you with the affection you felt you lacked. "i love you, my pretty girl... i love you." she repeated those words again and again, hoping you'd believe that someone could love you, and that someone was her.
ellie continued to hold you tightly as you cried into her. your tears soaked into her bra, but she didn't mind; you'd done that many times before. she rubbed your back in soothing circles as she let you let it all out, and she made small shushing noises in your ear. your sobs turned into whimpers and then into a soft murmur, and as your emotions died down, she gently wiped away the tears, replacing them with kisses.
as she noticed you calmed down she slightly pulled away to get a better look at you. "can you tell me what's wrong now?"
"i... it's just..." you started, and your voice broke as you tried to find the words. your girlfriend gave you her undivided attention, focusing on you and only you. "i- i don't feel pretty... i don't feel good enough... i don't feel... enough."
with her eyes looking deep into yours, you couldn't help but be vulnerable as you opened up to her. your insecurities and flaws, the things you tried so hard to hide, were all laid bare in front of her now.
a pang of guilt hit you in that moment.
what am i doing?
ellie was so sweet and loving, and you felt like you were just taking advantage of her kindness. like you're just an attention seeker.
but before you could say anything, she pressed a finger to your lips.
"no. shut your mouth." she said sternly, and you couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "that's not true. i don't wanna hear it, not another word." she leaned in and pressed her soft lips to yours.
you found yourself sitting on her lap, as she stroked your hair, whispering something or kissing you from time to time. you told her all about it, about what and how you feel. and she listened.
you were so lost in your emotional story you didn't even notice the way she slowly took off her rings - one by one, and placed them on a bedside shelf.
#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams#ellie williams x y/n#ellie williams x you#ellie x reader#ellie x y/n#ellie tlou#reqs open#ellie the last of us#ellie williams x insecure!reader#ellie x insecure!reader#insecure!reader
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OH also as u can tell i finished mythic quest. season three was... dissapointing. brad and his gaggle of autistic women were great as always and Sarian was an AMAZING episode, 10/10, no notes, but the season overall? ian was MIA and poppy just... didnt really work without him. dont get me wrong i love her and she has great dynamics with the rest of the cast but overall grimpop was a HUGE missed opportunity and making dana ian 2.0 was a poor choice. dont get me wrong, i was rooting for them to team up in season two, but thats because i thought ian could give her what she wanted, not because shes identical to ian. shes certainly not so up her own ass that she thinks "confidence" and "total disconnect from reality" are the same thing. ian? definitely. rachel? unconsciously. but dana? no fucking way. she never felt like she had a unique place in the grimpop team. minimizing the scenes with her and rachel i would have actually loved to see if it helped give both of them more depth and solo development since their romantic relationship was built up as their main character arcs from the start, but dana just took away from ian and poppy's dynamic and didnt get any development of her own until basically the very end.
now, dont get me wrong, AGAIN, it makes a lot of sense that ian doesnt want to work on poppy's game. hes egotistical and unmotivated and childish and self centred. but they seriously waited until the season fucking finale to work that out? a conflict between the two main characters that has one of them just... absent from the narrative? conflict is the core of poppy and ians relationship but if they don't have any scenes together the conflict becomes BORING. and they had the perfect opportunity to work it out! when hera failed. when the playtesters told her it was technically perfect, but not fun to play. ian makes fun games. ian is really good at making fun games. theyre supposed to be partners. why couldnt he have helped her with this? why couldnt this have been the moment where she realizes that, just like ian, she needs help creating her vision? that even though she can build things and have big ideas, she cant do everything all on her own all the time? instead she and dana throw her vision away to focus on a project she hates and thinks is bad. its total fucking bullshit and a complete waste of an arc.
which, as a side note, i still dont totally understand the difference between hera and playpen. theyre both sandbox games, yes? where the point is to build something yourself, entirely from scratch? so what makes playpen fun and hera not? is playpen more customisable, is it easier to control? is hera too difficult, is it not difficult enough, is it too bare or too micromanaged? this feels like something we couldve gone into instead of just tossing hera out. there are tons of games like that out there already. minecraft, the sims (all FOUR installments, plus simcity), cites:skylines, roblox, all of them extremely popular and extremely fun. why not hera? again, a question the narrative gets out of answering by throwing the game out.
and FINALLY when the grimpop dispute does get solved, their solution is "you be who you are, and ill be who i am, and neither of us changes or improves or alters our dynamic in any way"? what a FUCKING cop out. the previous seasons, so far, have ended with poppy and ian trying to mend their dynamic into something more stable and mutually beneficial, where both people (poppy, mainly, but having it be her game this time SHOULD have been an interesting subversion) feel seen and heard, where neither of them feels subservient. you want to watch the next season to see how they develop and how their dynamic shifts. but in the season 3 finale they just straight up tell you, in the show, that they're done trying to change, and then they abandon their partnership and go back to work at mythic quest. season 3 was such a wasted season in terms of the grimpop dynamic, and neither of them develop any kind of compelling relationship with the other characters either. the closest we get is dana, who, again, is turned into ian 2.0 because apparently they couldnt develop her existing character any further or use the actual ian grimm in any of her scenes with poppy. again, dana and ian have similarities, but shes not ian! and she shouldnt have had to be!
ok. rant done. if u disagree u may write me a strongly worded essay in the comments or we could just have a conversation okie dokie i love u ^_^
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You: WAAAAAAA OFFICER THEYRE BOOLYING ME BACK AFTER I CALLED THEM A CUNT A BILLION TIMES, FATHERLESS/MOTHERLESS, SAID THEY DESERVED TO BE RAPED, SAID I HOPE THEY DIE, TOLD THEM TO KILL THEMSELVES, THREATENED TO HARM THEM (I have screenshots of you literally physically threatening me btw) CALLED THEM A LOSER, USED ABLEIST INSULTS CALLING AN ACTUAL AUTISTIC PERSON THE R WORD (which is REAL harassment and discrimination btw), CALLED THEM EVERY INSULT IMAGINABLE, CALLED THEM A HYSTERICAL WOMAN/ACTUAL MISOGYNISTIC INSULTS WAAAA ARREST THEM PLS OFFICER
Officer, a sane rational person: Erm ok if it bothers you that much have you considered apologising for what you said, or at least not insulting them anymore? Have you considered closing your ask box or deleting your blog if it bothers you that much? Have you considered that writing literal rape/stalker porn romanticizing abusers on a mainstream site is a controversial genre that many people will find offensive and want you to stop doing, have you considered stopping that or moving to a site specifically for that? Uh, no, you want to be able to say whatever you want to someone then cry if they do anything back or want to meet up with you irl to talk things out instead of online? Oh they said they were at a house you admit isn't yours and also you admit you knew it was fake and weren't scared? Uh sorry can't help you there ma'am please stop wasting our time
Have you considered that not a single person gives a fuck because you literally started bothering me forst
"Wow you shouldn't have been writing something controversial on a mainstream site" honey if someone writing porn online is what upsets you so bad you'll never succeed in the real world. "Waaaah fake stories about fake events upset me, wahhhhh, wahhhh I'm gonna harass people for months because my feelings are hurt, wahhh"
I'm going to the police and you're coping. You've been harassing me for months nonstop. Even when I haven't interacted with you for months, answered you for months, you kept harassing me
You literally started this amd continue to act a fool. No one cares about you. We all think you're acting like a hysterical little puritan child.
Second, stupid cunt, you've sent multiple addresses around, including in my inbox
Does it bother you when I call you a cunt, because you clearly can't control your temper. Someone hurt your feelings one time and you literally made it your entire personality to bother me and still do. You're obsessed with getting my attention. You keep coming back for more
It is honestly so sad to see how you are thinking and what you are telling yourself to justify acting like a psychotic freak. Literally no one is on your side, not even your own mother would approve of this.
As if I care about the alleged sob story of an anonymous face who has been exclusively harassing me and my friends because... her little baby feelings were hurt, who has lied repeatedly, admitting to lying repeatedly, and has gone through pathetic, degrading humiliating feats, just to.... try and get under my skin
Take your father's cock out of your mouth and log off, Jesus Christ
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Four No’s and a Yes.
Prompt: Write about someone who gets proposed to five times on Christmas Eve.
Warnings: None, cuteness, fluff i guess lol
Dean x Reader (Childhood friends)
Chritsmas Eve 2016.
The Y/L/N’s house was decorated to the T, Mrs. Y/L/N always went all out for Christmas and to say Dean loved it was an understatement. Dean had grown up next door to y/n and her family all his life, every Christmas was spent with his best friend and her family, their families took turns every year on which family would host the big Christmas dinner. It was Christmas eve, this year, Y/n’s family was hosting Christmas Eve and Day.
He watched as you sat down across from him, the same way you did every year, this time your boyfriend of almost a year sitting next to you. Dean frowned but for the most part accepted him and tried to make Carl as welcome as possible.
It’s not that he disliked the guys she dated, he just never thought they were good enough for his best friend, it had nothing to do with the fact he’d been inlove wih you almost all his life, despite what Sam and his parents had to say about it.
The meal conversations began, Dean smiled as he watched Sam’s wife wipe a smudge of food off his brothers face before then placing a small peck on his cheek. He was imsensely happy for his little brother, he had tried to find love himself but despite all the girls that came and went, none were ever good enough to bring home to Mary and John, none ever compared to, well, you.
“So Dee, any news about that girl you took out last week? She seemed nice.” You ask, shoving a fork of ham into your mouth, he chuckles watching before he replies, “uh no, didn’t pan out, first date and she was already naming our kids.” He shakes his head, cringing. Y/N makes a funny grossed out face, “Yikes, stage 5 clinger”, Dean smirks, “Exactly, not my style, sweetheart.”
“Sweetheart?” Carl pipes up, raising an eyebrow at Dean. Right, Carl hated when Dean called you by a pet name, sucks for him doesn’t it. Dean shrugs, y/n reassures him its just for fun, that they’ve been friends forever and Dean’s the only other man allowed to call her that. Carl doesn’t seem happy but strugs it off.
It’s almost 9 Pm when Carl speaks, he stands up from the tables, everyone having had a few rounds of wine by now and 50 conversations going on at once. He clears his troat, tapping his champagne glass with his fork, everyone stops, their attention on him.
“Well, this has been an amazing night, y/n your family is incredible, i’m so happy to have shared this holiday with you all, but tonight, i want to share another moment with you guys, i know how important family is to y/n and i want to make sure i do this right.” He pauses, grabbing y/n’s hand and pulling her up, Dean can see the look on her face, shes shocked and confused, not sure what the hell Carl thinks he’s doing.
He pulls something out of his pocket, Dean lets out a soft groan before taking a huge chug of his beer, Sam pats his back, a silent signal asking if he’s okay. He shrugs it off.
“Y/n, i know we haven’t been together as long as other people, but my love for you has no limits, we are a perfect match and you’re a perfect part of me, you make me better, i love you so much, and i don’t want to waste anymore time,”
He gets down on one knee, Dean watches, slightly angrily as y/n gasps, she slightly looks at Dean and he can see the panicked look on her face, she’s not ready for this, he’s ambushed her.
“Y/n Y/l/n, would you do me the honor of being my wife, my partner in crime, my forever.” Dean rolls his eyes, his mother swatting his arm and giving him a disapproving look. Y/n stays silent, looking around as everyone watches her, Then, she bolts.
Dean chases after her to see if she’s okay.
Carl was never seen again after that night.
Christmas Eve 2017
Christmas was different this year, Their parents had decided they wanted a break from cooking, so they had booked a cruise for vacation, not telling any of their kids until last minute.
Sam and Jess had decided to have Christmas with her family now that they were expecting their first child. Sam was over the moon at the chance to be a dad, he was going to be an amazing one.
Dean checks the tickets, finding the seats and throwing the jackets over them, y/n heads towards him, sitting next to him in her own seat and she hands him his beer and the hotdogs she grabbed. Dean was lucky he booked last minute tickets to the wrestling match, not surprised that even on Christmas eve, the stadium was booked solid.
They enjoy the fights, they’re small local fights, no big names, but they both enjoy it, laughing and enjoying their time together as best friends, it’s been a while. Since she started dating Max four months ago, he barely sees her, he’s insecure, especially when Dean’s around, probably because Dean’s twice his size in height and muscle, but that’s not his problem. Max starts fights with y/n anytime they hang out, so for her sake, he keeps his distance, waiting for her to call him for a hangout instead.
An hour in and it’s break time, they sit and chat, and before they know it, a voice is speaking over the PA system. “Sorry to interupt everyone, but since we are on a break, it seems like the perfect time to do this. Y/n Y/l/N, if you wouldn’t mind looking up at the jumbotron, we have a message for you from Max.”
Y/n’s eyes go wide, she looks at Dean curiously and he shrugs, just as confused. She looks at the screen, Max’s smiling face on the screen as he’s handed the microphone.
“Y/n, i know this is random and out of the blue, but you make me really happy, i know you’re not big on attention and big romantic gestures, but i wanted to do something memorable, so, i was hoping you’d be down for being my wife, will you Marry me?” he speaks, Dean almost can’t believe it, what was with these losers, she deserved to be proposed to, but not so soon and definitely not on the spot, she hated grand gestures that drew attention to her. Y/n barely knew what she wanted to do with her life, let alone to settle down.
Y/N starts breathing heavy, tears forming as she starts to panic at the whole stadium now staring at her and waiting for her answer, and just like that, yet again, she tries to run but Dean stops her, suggesting they go outside and talk to Max privately before she has a complete anxiety attack.
Another douchebag he never sees again.
Christmas Eve 2018
Another year, another Christmas Eve, y/n is sitting on Deans couch, the two of them got stuck at the airport due to a snow storm and aren’t making it home for Christmas. They had driven back to Dean’s place and she decided to crash with him, She’d just broken up with her recent douchebag boyfriend and wasn’t in happy spirits. She lies on his couch, sniffling as she watches her favoirte Christmas movie, which is currently everything on the hallmark channel.
Dean sits next to her, her feet in his lap as he messages her feet, warming them up from the cold.
“Am i ever going to find the right guy? i mean, at this point it’s become a pattern, every fucking Christmas i end up single and alone, i should just give up finding the perfect guy.” She shrugs, wiping away a stray tear.
Dean sighs, “First off, you’re not alone, you have me. Second, you pick crappy guys, you have shitty ass taste. Give it time, sweetheart, the perfect guy for you is out there, and you’ll find him, you’re just looking in the wrong places.” Dean assures her and she gives him a dry chuckle.
“Oh yea, well if you ever come across prince charming, send him my way.” She rolls her eyes and he laughs. He hates seeing her upset.
Theyre at the local skating rink when it happens, he finally got her to stop crying enough to take her out and here comes Jack, Jake, Joke, whatever the fuck his name was holding a bouquet of roses and a ring box, smiling widely at her, this jackass really thinks a ring will fix everything he’s done to her. What a damn clown.
Y/n stops abrutly, eyeing him up and down, she’s definitely angry still.
“That better not be what the fuck i think it is.” She snaps, tossing the roses in the trash. “Y/n, i know i fucked up, but you’re worth more than-” He’s cut off by the sound of her hand meeting his cheek.
“NO!” She shouts, a few people now stopping to watch. “You have some NERVE showing up here, after cheating on me and for what? to propose? ARE YOU FUCKING DRUNK? In what fucking small minded universe that you live in do you think proposing to me is going to fix what you broke? No, i will not marry you. Go to hell, Jeff.” She stomps off, as good as she can in skates.
Jeff, that’s his fucking name. He looks over at me and i shrug. “You fucked that up on your own man, you don’t deserve her.” Dean walks away.
She never mentions Jeff again.
Christmas Eve 2019
Their families get together again, Dean’s family hosts this year, y/n and he had flown home early this year to help with the food and decorations, y/n had run into one of her exes, a guy she dated back in highschool, He’d ran in Sam’s circle of friends, one of his old football buddies. They had gone on a date to catch up, ending up at the local bar with some old highschool friends.
Sam sits next to him, downing his own beer. “Man, why don’t you just tell her you’re her prince charming, watching her get with and dump all these idiots is getting tiring. Even mom and dad know you two belong together.” Sam chuckles, letting out a burp, he’s clearly borderlining between drunk and tipsy. Dean sighs, he’s going to have to call Jessica soon.
“If i was her soulmate, she’d have noticed by now. I’m not going to make that choice for her. If it’s meant to be, she’ll realize it on her own, not because i forced her to like me.” He shrugs and Sam laughs, “You’re both so stupid.” Sam huffs and shakes his head.
Before Sam can continue pestering him about his failure to woo Y/n, they hear a commotion, they turn to see Eric covered in beer, calling y/n a bitch and some other not nice words.
Dean gets protective, not even a split second before he’s standing next to her, shoving Eric away from her. “Easy man, get away from her.” He yells and Eric huffs, throwing his arms in the air, “Whatever, you’re a waste of time, can’t believe i ever dated you, i forgot what it was like being with you.” He snarls before stepping outside, no doubt to light up another blunt.
Dean frowns, “What happened?” he asks and you laugh. “He proposed, said he missed me and regretted ever breaking things off, said he finally realized i was the one that got away.” She airquotes before she sips her beer, huffing, “Turns out, that’s his game, he was hoping if i said yes i’d be over the moon and jump into bed with him again. Ugh, i hate men.” she grunts before walking out, Dean slaps a few bills on her table before going after her, a semi drunk Sam at his side.
Chritmas Eve 2020
Christmas Eve dinner is a hit. Changing things up, Dean and Y/n had decided to host this year, flying their families out to vancouver. It’s cold and snowy, but makes Christmas actually feel like Christmas, unlike the warm sunny holiday in california, they love it there, but this year, with the snow, it actually feels like a real Christmas.
They sit out on the back deck, taking a break from the family game night and friendly comeptition and yelling going on inside. Their families are nuts, but it always makes for a great time.
Dean’s sure he’s ready, she hasn’t dated anyone since the last proposal, and he’s insane, he’s sure of it, he’s sure just like the others, he’ll be turned down, and he’s willing to make an utter fool of himself, but it’s time, he’s waited long enough, he needs her to know, he needs to tell her, he’ll never be able to truly move on and get over her if he doesn’t at least get an answer on wether she feels the same.
“How long do you think that bingo game is going to last?” She asks, chuckling and she watches their families fight over who had bingo first.
“Marry me.” He blurts it out without even realizing it. That’s not how he wanted that whole thing to go, he had planned it out, but plans go out the window when you spend time obsessing on things being perfect.
“What?” She’s stunned, but she hasn’t run away yet, and she’s not hyperventilating, that’s a good sign. He begins to babble like a damn idiot.
“I don’t have a ring, or a proper set up like a jumbotron or some shit, and this isn’t even how i planned on this day going, i’m not perfect, and i have my flaws, hell i’m so fucked up i’d be insane to think i even deserve even half your love, but i’m crazy about you, and i have been since 5th grade, when you gave me my first valentines card because no one in class gave me one and then kissed my cheek and told me you’d always be my valentine. I guess, what i’m trying to say is i may not be your prince charming, but you’ve always been my girl, i’ve never chosen anyone but you, and i realize, i don’t ever want anyone, except you.” He finally takes a breath, too scared to make eye contact, and he sighs.
“I know this is stupid and random and you can totally say no or run away if th-”
“Yes.” She stuns him, completely silencing his rant.
He finally meets her eyes, “What?” He asks, sure as shit he heard her wrong.
“Yes, Winchester, i’ll marry you.” She says, this time clear as day.
He huffs out a laugh, “ Wait, seriously?” he asks, stunned and still thinking she has to be fucking with him.
She shrugs and smiles, “Yeah, I’ve known you all my life, you were always my prince charming, my perfect match, i was just waiting for you to figure it out.” She laughs. Dean’s eyes roam her face, for the first time, seeing how perfect she really is for him.
“I literally could have been with you this entire time?” he raises and eyebrow and she shrugs, smiling. He shakes his head, not believing his own stupidity before he takes full advatnge, leaning in and finally claiming what’s been his this entire time.
Safe to say, that was the last proposal she ever recieved.
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Ok I am a single follower but I like hannibal tv but would enjoy ur movie thoughts I like some of the books too and have been meaning to get around to the movies 😳😳
OKAY I'M EDITING A READMORE ONTO THIS LOL I REALIZED THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO! so now my incredibly waaayyy too long answer abt my thoughts on 2002 will is under there. apologies bc this is less "movie thoughts" and more "2002 movie will thoughts" but well thats how the chips fell
GOD okay sooo for the record i am reading the red dragon book and am like 7 or 8 chapters in and full transparency im not like. enjoying it lol. the book pisses me off with its misogyny (all the women in it are either dead or it feels like you're supposed to think theyre Selfish Bitches or theyre just there for like. bizarre and uncomfortable sexual moments like the guys talking abt that woman in the elevator, or that one part of mrs. leeds diary which is like. i guess could be there to Show Her Humanity or whatever but 1. there are more ways to do that 2. the book doesnt seem particularly concerned with her humanity considering she's barely even given a first name and so far the novel hasnt seemed to disapprove of how will thinks of her as a possession of her husband) and its inconsistency with will's most important character trait or whatever (he's so intensely, extremely empathetic towards EVERYONE, even serial killers, which makes him really good at finding them! and he can never turn this off, to the point where every time he has a conversation with someone, he ends up mimicking the way they talk, even if he tries to stop! but also he never empathizes with the victims or HIS OWN FUCKING WIFE? HELLO? so it really feels less like "extremely strong empathy for everyone that he cant control" and more like "he can empathize with serial killers extremely well and also other people if we want to Make A Point in one scene instead of letting the point show through the whole book") BUT UHHH ANYWAY. MOVIE THOUGHTS. THE MOVIE THOUGHTS YOU ASKED FOR COMING RIGHT UP!
okay this is what i am worried will either 1. draw annoying tv will graham stans to my blog like flies or 2. end with me being hanged in the town square BUT. it must be said. i prefer 2002 red dragon will graham to tv will graham. and quite frankly? so far? i think 2002 red dragon will graham is better than book will graham. i cannot lie.
my reasoning: because 2002 will actually empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss! y'know! like you'd assume someone with constant extreme empathy would! the difference between the first scene with molly in the book vs in the movie are SO striking to me now that i've read that part of the novel. in the novel he seems very... rough, i guess, and like he doesnt care about molly's worries. he doesnt seem to see things from her perspective, which especially feels like a kick to the gut because MOLLY! SEES! THINGS! FROM! HIS! PERSPECTIVE!!! she literally empathizes with him more than he does with her! what the fuck! MEANWHILE in the movie, he does seem to care about her. his assurances that he wont get too involved seem like assurances rather than him trying to get her off his back. he hugs her and tells her he loves her and i actually believe that yeah, he loves her, he knows she's worried about him, and he wants to comfort her and ease her worries. and the victims! AGAIN such a stark difference to me! in the book, will is like... uncomfortable empathizing w the red dragon, of course, but he doesnt seem to empathize with the victims all that much, ESPECIALLY not the women. he doesnt care about them. he sees them as possessions belonging to their husbands and its so fucking gross. despite already suspecting that the red dragon chooses families based on the women, he decides to waste time focusing on the husbands as a way of "asking permission to look at [their wives]." what the fuck? meanwhile in the film, he feels for the victims so much that he can barely even say that the kids were shot in bed! when he watches the tapes, he focuses on the women! because that's his fucking job!!! and we see him empathizing with them! wow!!
siiigh okay im gonna stop talking abt the book vs the movie now bc again im only like 8 chapters or so deep. but now we come to tv will vs. 2002 will, which is admittedly gonna be more subjective and part of that it bc i cant remember a whole lot of specifics from the show bc my memory is Very Bad. but anyway
let's get the shallow stuff out of the way. yes i prefer ed norton's face to hugh dancy's. call hugh dancy "gender" or whatever have your fun i support you and your right to call any blood covered man a gender but by god is that not even REMOTELY my experience. next shallow thing to get out of the way: ed norton's line delivery is like music to my FUCKING ears compared to hugh dancy's i am so sorry. like the jokes about will shaking like a damp chihuahua before taking 5 minutes to stutter out "he's killing them....... On Purpose, jack." are funny and all but christ i had SUCH a hard time watching the show bc of that im not lying. literally hearing 2002 will just say "he's not keeping them. he's eating them." nice and quick, matter of factly is better than well im actually gonna end that sentence there but you get the idea. like YESSS you little blonde bitch get to the point i love you!!!
OKAY NOW less shallow points but also less uhh idk man i just dont remember a lot of hannibal. but basically: after seeing how caring 2002 will is, i'm kind of... idk i'm just so over tv will and how abrasive and harsh he is in comparison. like i fell in LOVE with how vulnerable 2002 will is, how he feels like he cares deeply about the people around him (and honestly... idk i cant remember a moment in the hannibal tv series that made me feel the way i felt when 2002 will can't say "the kids were shot in their beds". it's like... yeah this is a guy who feels so deeply for everyone around him at all times. i believe that.) and i just dont remember getting that same feeling from tv will. i have been gently spoon fed the most excellent chocolate pudding and everything else in my memory is just a snack pack. i guess tv will has those moments (what comes to mind is when he brings gideon to hannibal's house and is crying and he says "please dont lie to me") but idk they just didnt really do for me what 2002 will does. and then their scenes with reba! wow! i rewatched the tv version after watching red dragon, bc the film version made me tear up, meanwhile the tv version i barely remembered and i wasnt sure if that was just bc of the different mindsets i was in while watching them or what. and ok i just rewatched the tv version again and like... yeah. it's the wills lol. i LOVEEE tv reba SO much she is giving everything in that scene!! she sounds so like... broken, both bc of dolarhyde's apparent suicide and bc of finding out who he was + what he was doing, she sounds so fragile and guilt ridden! she's amazing!! but will. idk. tv will's delivery just seems... idk this feels dumb to say but it sounds like writing. i admittedly LOVE the line "people who study this kind of thing say that he was trying to stop because you helped him." and his delivery there is good. but between tv "you didnt draw a freak, you drew a man w a freak on his back" and the 2002 version, the 2002 delivery seems more genuine while the tv delivery sounds rehearsed. idk overall the 2002 version of that conversation just makes me feel more? its like. idk i can feel the 2002 version gently holding my heart while the tv version is a scene that is nice in h/nnigram gifsets or w/e.
umm ok this is already suuuper long and my brain is getting a bit mushy so i'm gonna start wrapping it up lol. i'll probably compare book will and 2002 will again after i finish the book, and then i miiight rewatch hannibal, or at least parts of s3. but right now my thoughts are basically: book will is a fucking dick who has an easier time empathizing with serial killers than with his wife. tv will is a nothing girl after being so completely catered to + also idk he doesnt have the same fragility that i want from my wills now. and 2002 will is my little caramel apple. he has this delightful vulnerability and feels like he cares so much and empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss and 4 people in a diner for one scene! 2002 will made me care about will graham! which is honestly kind of a feat!
#long post#like so so so long#my condolences anon and also anyone following me who doesnt want this on their dash#but yeah 2002 will is my booboo bear my cinnamon swirl coffeecake my little heavensent angel#and ed nortons performance made me feel more than hugh dancy's#i think ed norton does a really good job at giving his characters that kind of vulnerability and i LOVE that!!#like yeah whatever 'you're gat arent you dont you just think hes hot' sure say that but also like#have you seen him in primal fear? its a movie thats a firm Its Complicated for me but his performance is so good and he feels so vulnerable#and even in fight club and kingdom of heaven i think he gets that in there! idk i genuinely think he's a good actor#personal#red dragon#if im writing an essay i may as well put it in my tags#asks#anonymous#<- FORGOT TO ADD THOSE TAGS. anyway#EDIT: NOW FEATURING A READMORE LOL.
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abt the last ask: u dont have to include it ofc (if u write it at all) but i thought id let u know that its based on the mental image i suddenly had of j climbing up to pats window, knocking on the shutters, pat pulling him in by his lapels and immediately kissing him (if you can even call it that with how hard theyre smiling) & then sometime later pat hearing like his dads footsteps coming toward his room as theyre making out so pat scrambles off his bf & shoves him in his closet (the irony)
Anon, finally, here you have it, but with a twist. This got completely out of hand, as per usual when I write anything. Since you were so nice (/li) to send me your request in two parts, I will actually break your prompt into two parts, otherwise, it’s never going to end. I hope you’re pleased by the first part, also, I am answering to this first because it matches the content of the first part.
Thank you so much for your lovely prompt! Hope you enjoy!
If anyone wants to be tagged for this let me know in a comment!
AO3
Chapter 2 >>
We call it an affair because it’s a forbidden romance
Summary: An encounter in the dark. The disdain of society. A forbidden romance. Royalty is involved and a title is at stake. Will an aspiring count, Patton Morandi and his rogue lover Janus overcome the barriers laid in front of them?
(We're in it for the drama)
---
“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”.
“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?”
Word count: 3848
Pairings: Moceit, future Prinxiety.
TW: Homophobia, internalised homophobia, deadnaming a trans person, misogyny, mentions of religion, hopelessness, ideological things you would expect from the period (I'm not sure if there's anything else, but please tell me).
Chapter 1 of 2:
Balcony kiss
How the moonlight shone in its quiet dance with the nightly air. It was a mostly clear summer evening, the second day of the week-long festival. The sounds of music and colourful lights could be heard and seen from the distance, but gradually decreased as a certain thief made its way across the gardens of Villa Morandi. For certain, the head of the family would not be excessively happy about the entire ordeal, but no disgruntlement could come out of those things of which one has no knowledge of, and Janus surely intended to keep his entanglement a secret.
He crossed the bushes and jumped over marble balustrades expertly, careful to avoid the lights of the servant quarters, where their residents were reading themselves for departure.
“Signor Morandi seems to be in good spirits lately, it is fortunate that most of us can leave for the festival”.
Any news about the man was something worth listening to, given his situation, so he decided to stay and see if they mentioned something useful. Also, he, admittedly, enjoyed gossip.
“Loretta! Don’t be such a bragger in front of us!”
“Why? I’d say the only one lamenting not being able to go is you. You should be ashamed for dragging poor Virginia in with you to make yourself sound less self-centred”.
Janus silently nodded.
“That is not true! I am merely trying to make the newcomer feel welcome! And here you are making her feel excluded, who is now in the wrong?”
Weak retort, wannabe-partygoer, he thought.
“Va, va…” the other maid answered dismissively “Quit holding her like that! Don’t you see she’s uncomfortable?! Povera bambina”.
“Come on Virginia, don’t you think it’s a waste for such a wrinkly woman to be let out instead of us?”
“Who are you calling old?!”
“You did, but now that you so kindly brought it up, you are old! Turning wrinklier by the second!”
Alright, at this point, Janus could not help but be rooting for Loretta, going for the old card was the low-hanging fruit.
“I may be your senior, but I promise you that regardless of that nonsense about wrinkles you’re babbling I’m ten times more fair looking!”
“Ah!” she exclaimed with feigned indignation. “Can you believe her? She’s delusional!”
“Well then, the delusional one will not search for a man at the festival, such a pity I will not be introducing anyone to you this week!”
He smiled at the comeback. Way to go, Loretta.
“Loretta! Just because you had the luck to get engaged doesn’t give you the right to rob others of their chances. Don’t be so mean, I’ll apologise if I must”.
“Alright, but never dare call me wrinkly again, for you will owe this old woman when I find you a husband. Virginia, I can help you too if you want it, I know plenty of young lads who would love to…”
“Oh, no, I’m not really interested”.
At this point Janus had quenched his thirst for amusement and begun to lose his interest, having more pressing matters to attend to. But, one new comment made him reconsider the usefulness of his eavesdropping for longer on the ladies’ conversation.
“That’s right, Loretta, don’t you see she’s here on official duty. To suggest for her to slack off with men… ts, ts… “
“Oh, you shut up! Don’t fret, Virginia, dear, I should have remembered you were sent for an urgent matter”.
“True, true! Tell us if you can, is it as they say? Was her ladyship done in by pirates?”
“Elda! Such crude language, you dare call yourself a lady, how can you say something so insensitive?”
“What? You want to know as badly as I do, besides, if it is true, then there is no changing it, and if it’s not then it’s fine, as her ladyship is still alive”.
“I’m so sorry, Virginia, just ignore her”.
“Don’t worry. As far as I’m willing to say, her ladyship still lives but I cannot disclose any further information”.
Oh.
No.
When one spies on others, bad news exists as a possibility, but, usually, in the form of getting caught. This happened to be worse. Being spotted? That he could deal with. Having his heart ripped out after one stellar month? Not so much.
He ran.
Not from his problems. More or less towards them.
The marble balcony seemed as unreachable as ever. A sense of dread loomed over his thoughts, while a mix of feelings, now turned into urgency, settled in his heart.
Raising a hand Janus willed his trustworthy companion to fall from the nightly skies. Meanwhile, he began to climb the walls of the manor. There was an undeserved elegance in his motions, not becoming of such an honourless goal, and, nevertheless, fitting for a thief like him.
The hawk swept inside the room from a window and cast the doors to the balcony open.
Janus promptly grabbed onto the bass of the marble balustrade. One month ago he had received news of something that would simplify his life. He knew he should not care, it was going to end poorly no matter what. But, rereading two months worth of love letters and hoping for an uncertain future, he could not help but feel happy. That made his resolve to return in time for the festival.
From the room came a sound of rushing footsteps.
Three months of yearning to see a face again.
That image made Janus more desperate, and, in his haste, he committed one fatal mistake. His grip on the marble slipped. At a thirty feet height, the ground beckoned him.
But, just when his doom seemed so certain, he was caught by the front of his cape and safely gathered against a pair of lips.
With such smiles stretching their faces, it could barely be called a kiss. But, the intensity of the affections behind it rendered the notion meaningless.
“My love”, Janus muttered as they parted ever so slightly.
“You scared me, silly. I miss you for three months and when you’re returned to me I almost lose you for good”.
“Let’s be happy you were there to catch me”.
“Thank the Lord, and if He wills it, I will always be”.
“I ought to be grateful to you, my dear, not the ones above” he answered while stepping to the safe side of the balcony.
“Well, our poor feathery friend can’t be too happy about that” Patton laughed dismissively, gazing at Janus’ hawk.
“You’re right. I neglect to show my gratitude, perhaps you could give me somewhere to start?”
“Oh, but how can I hand you my room, my sweet, the stones of the house are too heavy!”
“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”.
“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?”
Janus laughed in delight.
“Let me make you smile in turn, then”, he said, whilst extending his hand.
The touch of Patton’s palm felt like a warm pressure through the barrier of his leather gloves. Perhaps all of his interactions were as imperfect as their naked hands not being able to meet. Janus’ fake gallantry, their hopes, may be short-lived in the face of change. But, for now, he would rather enjoy pretending.
He pulled Patton to the inside of the alcove.
“Are you refined now?” Patton laughed.
“Of course, I have always been. Whatever could lead you to ask such a question? If I were to be a thief, which I am not, I would be the most honourable”.
There was a certain amount of delight to be found in catching his lover in the midst of changing into his night robes, judging by those being laid out onto the bed’s ostentatious covers. Despite such a degree of luxury surrounding Patton, he still refused to task any servant to dress him. What was there not to love about the man?
Patton made a motion as if to hold his hands, only to surprise him by pulling his gloves off. Any other person, and it would have been a display of sensuality, coming from him, it was like movement turned into honey, perhaps a mixture of both. Indeed, there was everything to love about him.
Maybe not all. Janus dreaded to admit how deep in he had allowed himself to be for this man.
A fool for a good man.
His hands felt the light night coldness in their grip on the linen shirt. Janus almost wanted to chastise himself as the thought of kissing away the kiss of the midnight breeze came to mind. He hid in the curve of Patton’s neck, sliding his lips along it, feeling like a coward whispering a lie. Countless lies. Telling himself this was enough, that he could bear the thought of this man taken away from him by a woman, that the thrill in this forbidden form of vice was not his worry taking yet another disguise.
“Oh, you’re a thief alright”.
“Is there something of yours I happen to have taken?” Janus retorted with a vague tone of amusement.
Patton cradled his left cheek in a firm request to see his face. Who was Janus to deny him?
“You know all too well you have”.
Oh.
“Well, that would make two of us”.
Patton’s expression melted into more honey. It always made Janus unsure as to whether he had made a mistake, no matter how unfounded the doubt was.
“Thank you” the words rebounded in proximity against the other’s lips. Janus didn’t know Patton could also be cruel.
“A little sincerity never hurt anyone”.
“You are not anyone” he smiled softly.
“Then make the pain up to me”.
Both their lips made contact like a wax seal on a letter. Janus pushed Patton against a low piece of furniture. From how the other fumbled, he could tell a corner was pressing against him. Despite the sting, Patton still committed himself to their affections. If that wasn’t a metaphor for their relationship Janus didn’t know what it was. Janus knew Patton would disagree, of course.
It seemed that exchanging one piece of furniture for another, the bed, would not be possible. Someone was knocking on the door.
“Janus…” Patton panicked in a hushed voice.
“Not a problem, my dear, this is my speciality” he smiled at him.
Janus’ feet almost flew over the carpet, muffled by the Persian fibres and his expertise on avoiding the parts of the floor that creaked. He turned the key of Patton’s wardrobe without the distinctive noise most people couldn’t avoid. Luckily for them, he wasn’t most people. The door mysteriously closed itself from the inside. Janus could swear to hear Patton draw a breath in wonder as to how he had done it.
“My son, let me in!” a voice came from the corridor.
“On my way, father”.
The mule-like bray of the alcove’s door hinges Janus detested preceded the sound of a set of footsteps he knew and loathed just as well, if not more.
“Were you reading yourself for bed? Ah, do not answer, I can already see your night robes over there. How many times need I tell you, call the servants to dress you, it is unbecoming that you do not. Moreso with the status you are to acquire”.
Janus almost scoffed upon hearing it.
It wasn’t that Janus outright looked down on Signor Morandi. He certainly held an admirable reputation and an even more admirable wealth. He contributed to the church, upheld his honour, was a patron to a few talented artists and did everything expected from someone of his status. By societal definition, he was an outstanding man. But, he could never understand Patton. Yes, Patton’s behaviour in public also stood to scrutiny. He was a young man to be admired, for sure. Yet, it somehow mismatched any other person’s strive for reputability. Patton lacked this performative quality, eagerness, if you will, that he found time and time again in people.
At first, Janus struggled to comprehend it. Everyone had desires outside of the strictly polite, they either pretended they didn’t or tried to hide it, that’s why they paid the church, after all. Janus didn’t believe people made an effort to actively align with the global canon for morality, just to look like it or deceive themselves. This theory on society made it so when he met Patton he simply dismissed him as a try-hard, later to relabel him as self-deceiving. Maybe he was a victim of his own biased cynicism.
As they grew closer, he started to get the whole picture. To his surprise, Patton tried to get his desires to align with what he perceived as morally correct, sometimes failing miserably. Janus’ presence in his room didn’t qualify as a success by society’s criteria... Patton’s effort to be ‘good’ did not come from a place of wishing to be perceived as such. Patton didn’t want to look good, he needed to be good. A good man. The realisation was hard to process but true.
Once he understood that, Janus could not let go. It stands to reason that, if that kind of person were to earn his affection, someone like his father would awaken his spite. Signor Morandi had simply never made an effort to understand his son’s motivations, unlike Janus. If he was a cynic, Patton was a victim to his own good intentions.
“I do not understand”.
“Lady Renata Regio is alive”.
“Oh”.
“Yes, it is most fortunate, you will no longer have to stay inside and miss the festival”.
“Well, father, I am not sure if that is appropriate, her ladyship must be feeling poorly after such a horrid experience. Perhaps it is best if I stay in and promptly send a letter to help soothe her”.
“Patton, it honours you to be willing to put the weak’s suffering before yours, but it is not needed in this case. You do not have to concern yourself with her. I am afraid that she is safe and sound on the account of having planned her own kidnapping. Lady Renata Regio has joined the pirates bringing disgrace upon her family, the wretched woman”.
Yes! Janus thought. Neither the wardrobe nor the entire room could contain his joy at hearing it.
“That is most unfortunate, should I reassure her family that I do not hold any resentment towards them?”
“It would be no good, there is going to be a scandal!” Signor Morandi sounded too happy.
Janus could not help but to smile a little.
“Are we going to pursue any retaliation?” Janus almost saw Patton shudder in the tone he used. “I do not think it necessary, it is a matter of marriage, although important, there are many other options that--”
“Yes, there are many other women to pursue, that is the spirit! In said spirits, I must inform you of the most wonderful news I have just received”.
What?
“Today a trusted servant from the Regio estate arrived at our home”.
“Yes, Virginia Fusco”, of course, Patton knew her name. “I personally received her, she refused to tell me exactly why she was sent here, also insisted to wait to talk to you”.
“Precisely, well, it turns out she is the personal servant of Lady Romina Regio”.
“The eldest of the twin daughters of the Regio?”
“Indeed. Let me be frank with you son, the Regio know they cannot keep the true actions of their lesser daughter hidden forever, a rumour is meant to surface eventually. This is very unfortunate for them, I have heard they were planning to match Lady Romina with a higher member of the nobility. Her sister’s actions have ruined her chances, it is unlikely that whoever was to marry her will accept such a union. My son, you know I always have your best interests in mind, Lady Renata Regio was a fine choice to provide you with connections to nobility. In turn, her family would have got access to our wealth, which, after their losses in the war, they need”.
Oh no.
“This being the circumstances, they have to choose how to align themselves in the future and what would be more advantageous to the family”.
“Shit” Janus said under his breath.
“We are about to reach an agreement for a marriage between Lady Romina Regio and you. I need you to understand that, if you are to accept, you will have to face some troubles, at least initially. The rumours about Lady Renata’s motivations may taint your reputation for a short while and the Regio’s rush to marry off Lady Romina will raise more rumours”.
“What choice would please you the most?”
“Oh, Patton, you idiot”.
“The union could make your child a count, you could potentially obtain a title depending on how we negotiate with the family. It is my wish that you accept this marriage”.
“Will this bring honour to our family?”
“Certainly”.
“Then…” an air of doubt went through Patton’s voice.
Janus was debating whether or not to burst out of the closet, either to tell him to refuse or to scold him for not accepting immediately what was probably the best opportunity of his life.
“Of course I will accept”.
“You make me very happy and proud, my son. I will meet with the servant girl to send her back with a letter requesting to meet with Lord Regio”.
The words were spoken carelessly. Signor Morandi often did that around his son, not knowing how many times he had been overheard by him. He may be a great man by society’s standards, but he could never be a good man.
Janus slumped against the back of the wardrobe, surrounded by pieces of clothing he could never afford. There was a world in which Patton had refused. But Patton hadn’t been left a real choice, so he could find some comfort in knowing this thing between the two had to end due to him being backed into a corner. Better than having Patton’s morals come between them. That, he would never reconcile with.
This was better than before. Being cast away for something as mundane as marriage, no matter the useful connections involved, was one thing, being left for a countess, well, if that’s what it took to refuse him he wouldn’t complain too much.
He would have preferred a marchioness or a duchess.
He would have preferred to be the only thing standing in between Patton and kingship and still win.
He would definitely prefer it if Signor Morandi was to accidentally fall down a flight of stairs on his way to writing his pesky letter.
There was nothing like a fire to persuade someone, even a countess…
But Patton would be upset.
His hawk screeched from the roofs above. Then footsteps rushed to his side, followed by candlelight flooding the inside of the closet.
Patton had no right to look so humble yet so marvellous. Not even the warmth of the flame could rival with that of his gaze. A gaze that was his’, not of any countess. But, still, a gaze that deserved to become a count.
“Janus…”
Honey clogging up his ears, that was the shape of a whisper.
“I suppose”, he shook off the dust of his cape and held his head up with dignity, “this is when we part. I’d love to say it’s a pity, but we saw it coming. Guess it was nice to enjoy it while it lasted. I’m always a letter away, my dear, that countess of yours wouldn’t ever find out”.
This was the bitter taste of selflessness. He never understood how Patton enjoyed it.
Janus turned around, ready to make his merry way out of Villa Morandi or fall off the balcony properly this time. Suddenly, Patton’s armed chained the two of them to their spot in the room. Patton’s chest heaved pitifully in a mockery of a hiccup.
“I’m sorry. What was I supposed to do? There was no other choice. I didn’t wish to upset you. Please--”
“What do you think you’re doing?”
He promptly let him go.
“I…”
Janus turned back to face him.
“You think crying will make this easier? Do you seriously think I enjoy this? I would gladly rob you of everything and have you entirely to myself. It is taking so much self-restraint to not get your father into a tragic accident, my dear. If anything, you’re making it worse by crying. I am doing this for you. Don’t you dare ruin the one honourable thing I will do in my life”.
“How can I pretend to be happy when you’re leaving?”
There were sparks of light encased in his tears. Something about their ironic beauty left him even more heart-broken.
“What am I going to do, then? I can be selfish to an extent, but I cannot take the rest of your life too. You’re being offered a title and a wife, all the things someone at your level could wish for. Don’t be more of an imbecile, keep it. It is already inappropriate for you to be seen with the likes of me, and it’s even worse with me being a man”.
“You’ve never cared about that”.
“But you do! Let resume, dear”, he tried to say in his most condescending voice. It didn’t sound even remotely like it. “You go to church each Sunday, you have five bibles just in this room and the most sincere good-samaritan complex I have ever seen. I know you can’t bear to live in sin”.
“I can’t bear to live without you either!”
Oh, Patton, you fool, silly, ridiculous man…
“What…” he felt as if he was going crazy.
A chuckle escaped through the spaces in between his teeth. Janus looked downwards and whispered.
“What are you saying?”
This self-consciousness, he had never felt anything like it before. Was he blushing?
“I love you… I know it’s wrong, so why doesn’t it feel like it?”
More honey. What a way for his plan to backfire.
“This is ridiculous, you should be concerning yourself with more important--”
Patton placed the back of his hand under his jaw to raise his head with such gentleness... stupid.
“Is it ridiculous when it’s making you cry like this?”
A compassionate man’s tears were not worth his. He had never been as sure as now that this was a mistake. Yet he longed for him more than ever.
“Of course not” he wiped away his tears feigning some kind of dignity.
As quickly as ever, he also pretended to regain his composure.
“Do you have any sort of plan for what you’re going to do next? Under pressure, you’re a terrible improviser, my love”.
“Well...I can’t let you go. I know as much. I should, for my family, father, my honour. But I will not. You’ve shown me that acting selfishly doesn’t make someone evil. I will find a way to fulfil my duty without giving you up, you have my word”.
#moceit#moceit au#background prinxiety#renaissance au#renaissance!Janus#renaissance!Patton#ts janus#Janus Sanders#sympathetic janus#ts patton#patton sanders#moceit fanfic#deceit sanders#ts deceit#tumblr ask#ask prompt#doomywrites#doomstypewriter#fem!virgil#fem!roman
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more mercenary and soldier cause theyre too fun to write and talk about
So. What actually happens is that they are dug up
After a few days a bunch of medics on all sides go over to the battlefield to see if they can find any survivors, and eventually they manage to just barely hear the mercenary and soldier since they started to weakly call out for help again since they heard people above them
Afterwards, the soldier is taken away to recover and heal, and the mercenary well. Gets taken away to get arrested. The soldier so too weak to defend them, and the mercenary is too weak to resist
Cut to a month later, the soldier is all healed up and recovered. Though not mentally. Everyone’s excited for their return to the battlefield, to fight for them, but they cant. What is the point of fighting if it only contributes instead of helping end it? Also they couldn’t stop thinking about the mercenary. Despite being on opposite ends, fighting for different things, they were both so similar in the end. They couldn’t stop thinking about it, but they didn’t have the heart to say they’d stop fighting. After all, it was the reason they were so loved. So they left. They left their sword behind with a note tied to it only stating they needed time to think, and they didn’t look back.
It took longer for the mercenary to heal, after all, they were in a place they weren’t exactly well liked nor had the best care and treatment. They were silent during their time in a cell, and they’d find it amusing: going from one prison to another. At least in the old one they had comfort in company. They would’ve if they didn’t have so much on their mind.
Sure, it wouldn’t have been too hard to escape. It wouldn't have been their first prison break, and it wasn’t as different from the rest. But they couldn’t stop thinking about what happened.
They didn’t want to go back. Sure, they weren’t directly involved with the war, but some people hired them for the purpose of the war and that was reason enough. They didn’t want to contribute anymore.
They couldn’t.
So they sat in their new cell, trying to be as content as they could and avoid participation. Escape was always an option, sure, but staying made it harder for buyers to find them.
So they stayed.
Eventually, the mercenary is greeted with someone who’s not too happy to be near them, telling them that they’re free to go.
The mercenary is confused, but takes it. If it’s a buyer they’ll simply agree and not do it, taking their new freedom as an advantage.
But instead, they walk out to the soldier, holding all of the mercenary’s old confiscated gear.
It’s a surprise, but a welcome one.
“How many prisons have you wasted your time in hopes to get your revenge?” The mercenary asked them, closing their eyes as they embraced the sunlight on their skin.
“Far too many, and your bail money took the rest of what I had,” the soldier answered with, handing the mercenary their gear. “Apparently you’ve been busy in your past with quite a few war crimes.”
“Think of it as my personal version of your trophies,” the mercenary quipped, silently but happily taking their gear back. It felt nice.
To feel the warmth of the sun, to be holding their gear, and to be next to the soldier again.
They stood there for a while. Neither speaking. Neither knowing what to do.
Eventually, the soldier speaks up.
“What now? Will you run off to whatever it was you did before? Or would you rather fight and end our battle?”
“I’ve been considering retirement, I think I deserve a pleasant one after that catastrophe,” The mercenary says with a content hum. “Do you wish to fight?”
“The retirement option sounds pleasing,” the soldier says with a laugh. “And I was thinking,” the soldier continues as the mercenary gives them a skeptical look. “We should stick together. As far as I know, we’re the only ones who went through anything like this. It can be a new start.”
The mercenary hums, content with that idea. “Sounds nice. A new start is better than a retirement.”
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idk i feel kind of conflicted about the whole issue of national team coaches (chow specifically, bc of recent discussion over him) not wanting to allow marta to be an abusive psycho toward their gymnasts but not standing up to her.... i want to draw a hard line and say “anybody who won’t say no to someone acting that way toward the children theyre responsible for is complicit” but i dont think its that simple in a system like this where the gymnasts appeal to marta’s authority to even be given the opportunity to compete internationally. i think its good that he shielded them from her as much as he could (although i dont think it was defensible that he allowed gowey’s asthma attack near-death experience to happen AT ALL, like if theres a time you should discard any fucks you have to give about what marta thinks it should be then, wtf?!) but the athletes are there because they want to compete at the highest levels of the sport, and whether chow OR the gymnasts like it or not, they have to be in marta’s good graces to do that. i think it just gets a lot blurrier the deeper you look into it, bc it gets into things about “is a medal worth it, for the gymnast herself OR her coach OR even her parents?” i would answer a resounding NO, but clearly these gymnasts who destroy their bodies before they even graduate high school, even at the JO level (not to mention their families who bankroll that participation in such a grueling activity to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars) would say they feel it IS worth it. if they didnt, they wouldnt make it to that level to begin with.
which also gets into another thing that has been discussed a bit in the last few months, about the role parents play and their culpability in abuse gymnasts experience in the sport. im talking just about american (and presumably other anglo/commonwealth sphere countries which mostly seem to operate similarly?) gymnastics, because the way the whole system is structured in countries with centralized training systems and developed ministries of sport, etc. creates a very different environment in terms of motives to continue the sport and family involvement. but american gymnasts’ families, by the system’s design, have to devote a tremendous investment of money and time to a child’s extracurricular activity for them to get to an elite level. so if you quit your job to be a full-time gym parent and literally PAY an abusive coach six figures over the course of maaaybe 10 years (?) to traumatize your kid for her entire childhood, you are absolutely responsible. at a certain point, the sunken costs incentivize turning a blind eye to horrendous treatment, because walking away is so devastating and obviously seems like a total waste. even if you wanted to find a new coach, unless you’re lucky enough to live in a place where there are multiple elite/L10 gyms within a reasonable driving distance, switching gyms means cutting your losses on everything you built in one place and spending another huge sum of money to relocate.
i think it would be a lot different if a gymnast’s personal coach were acting the way marta did at those national team camps, or if the coach was following marta’s lead because “she wins!”... subjecting a child to that kind of treatment on a daily basis is basically torture lol like thats what we’re looking at, at that point. and if you rationalize it by saying “but my daughter WANTS to make this dream come true and i cant just say no to her!” you are an accomplice in your child’s abuse, regardless of your intentions or motives. but i think its different, in a way, for a personal coach who is great and tries their best to advocate for their gymnasts without pissing off the abusive people who could ruin their careers on a whim, and i think its easy to just call that cowardly behavior and wipe your hands of it. at the VERY least, chow’s gymnasts knew when they were at camps for a few days out of the month that they had someone who was in their corner and was willing to put up some kind of fight to protect them. and i think that emotional security is why his gymnasts so adamantly defend him and say he is totally blameless in the entire situation. because of the difference in treatment they seem to have externalized the camp environment and were/are painfully aware that its not business as usual, and so they recognized her for what she was instead of having a personal coach who incessantly kissed her ass giving them the message that “this is all perfectly okay and normal and healthy and i wont do anything to help you, so buck up kiddo”
#bottom line i think anybody who lets their kid get this far into a sport like this that it warps their thinking this much is kind of evil ??#idek where im going with this
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I'm starting 2 play pathologic but I'm scared any tips for how to make the start of the game less impossibly heavy and mortifying (I accidentally started a fight got scared and restarted my game)
HI im typing on my computer this time bc i wrote likean essay long response to this and tumblr crashed instead of saving this also adding a readmore bc this will get long im sorry.. but thank u so much for sending me this ask i am so excited u r playing pathologic first of all!! i will format this in a numbered list so its a bit easier 2 read...
1. im assuming the fight u started was with the ppl loitering in evas garden, right? this is a v common problem new players face and an intentional obstacle left by the devs to teach u tht u shld avoid confrontation and fighting at all costs when u can help it. the fighting system in this game is intentionally difficult and u will usually die if u get into a fight if u dont have a gun. just leave the guys alone and let them stay and u will be fine. there arent any consequences to this so dont worry!!
2. starting and then restarting the game a few times when ur getting into it is very normal so dnt worry abt that!!! i had to restart my save like 3 times before i got the hang of things, so dont be discouraged. tht being said the game isnt for everyone so if u just consistently are not having fun w it dont force urself to play it!!
3. check out the settings page where it lists all the controls for the game, bc it will show you some mechanics the game nevr tells you about. use Q to open up your quest menu which will show you your overall goal, main quest, and sidequests. the main quest MUST be completed by the end of each day or there will be ingame consequences, so be careful. sidequests are less dire.
the I key opens up ur inventory!!
you press E to talk to people
the P key opens up ur status menu iirc. be sure to keep track of that too, but statuses will also pop up in the corner of ur screen when they get actually dire, too, so if u dont check it u wont be completely clueless dw!!
the L key opens up your letters menu. u will get letters from different ppl throughout each day and usually they pertain to the main quest at hand or a sidequest you can do so that you know what youre supposed to be doing each day. whenever you get a letter a spinning icon will pop up in the corner of the screen and the sound of a paper flipping will play, but the game never actually tells u abt it which is a big design flaw on its part.
4. pay attention to the time!! esc or q will pause ur game and pause the flow of time, but opening ur inventory wont. time is a super important aspect of the game so just watch out 4 that.
5. spend all your money on food on day 1. dont bother with eggs or lemons so much as meat, bread, fish, vegetables, and milk to a lesser extent. its important u do this on day 1 for reasons u will find out later.
dont worry abt keeping ur hunger meter completely low tho!! make sure it doesnt max out, but dont try to keep it empty, ull waste food very quickly that way and its a very important resource.
theres also an area in the game near where u start out that has some milk left out near a statue of a woman that you can pick up. raising ur fists in game will make a little dot appear to help you aim for things, and i always use that to focus on what i want to pick up because it can be very difficult otherwise. heres the area im talking about
6. check ur map frequently whenever ur going anywhere!!!! the layout of the town is intentionally confusing and u will get lost without ur map, esp because it shows u quest markers of wherever u need to go.
the walking in this game is also very slow and tedious. u get used to it but it is a feature of the game so just keep that in mind.
i used this map to keep track of where all the shops in town are because its a bit difficult to tell otherwise and can save time if u need to get stuff (like food and medicine. dont bother with clothes bc theyre honestly useless but clothing stores do sell needles which you should collect for bartering.)
7. bartering is a BIG system in the game and its actually what you use to get a lot of the items youll need. you can barter with pretty much every random npc you see in town, just press E to talk to them! different people will trade for different things and find value in different items, so just pay attention to that!
look in trash cans and bins located around the town to find useful things you can barter or use yourself, like water bottles. id recommend especially saving items that children will trade for like jewelry, flowers, needles, hooks, sharp objects (like knives and switchblades), and nuts. dont eat the nuts, trade them with children.
8. one child in particular will have an item called “schmowder” on her occasionally. theyre important for reasons that you find out in game later. if she has a schmowder, trade for it, and save it. it costs a lot so save up things this child will trade for. dont use schmowders on yourself, save them for later. the child looks like this.
unrelated but i just think this girls design is sweet. i like her dress :)
9. sometimes characters will give you items for quests. if your inventory is full, the item will drop to the ground in a bag with a thud. watch out for this and be sure to check your inventory and the ground to make sure you actually have the item you need to do a quest.
10. quests can be confusing sometimes, and if u ever feel lost i recommend checking the pathologic wiki for “the bachelor’s route” to find a guide about each quest that happens each day. OR you can just dm me and i can help u if u dont want to risk being spoiled!!! i dont know everything but if i dont know the answer i can just look it up for you since i already know the story of the game.
11. dialogue can also be confusing sometimes, so choose what you say carefully! dialogue trees that you can go back to are usually rare and dont actually happen that much. the dialogue system is also intentionally confusing and tricky. dont be afraid to reload a save file if you want to learn more or see what other dialogue options would have got you.
and thats all i can think of right now??? im sorry this is a lot, i promise the game isnt actually that difficult once you get used to it!!! its just a matter of getting used to the mechanics. lmk if u ever need any help at all :D
#pathologic#im so sorry for saying so much ...i rlly rlly tried to be brief here ok#the game RLLY RLLY isnt as difficult as ppl make it out to be#or at least the bachelors route isnt.
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UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??
i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine
CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS
tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)
HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL
long danni= wjjw company ceo
wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under
huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine
alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...
so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP
but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY
anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc
then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head*
ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever
-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-
they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him
so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight
so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s
also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY
OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs
anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded
xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting
wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING
peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP
if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird
peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is
anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!
why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK)
anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!
here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard
-xnine slideshow
-xnine faq
-xnine eng sub channel by yuer
-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here
-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr
-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not
also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here
also here’s this video dragging wjjw
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So Jaskier wants Geralt but is ashamed of wanting him because he was bought up being told it's a big no-no, eternal damnation will rain upon you if you even so much as think about this!!! And he approached geralt originally because there's nothing wrong with talking is there?
And Geralt knows Jaskier wants him. Figures it out pretty quickly and thinks it'll be an easy Fuck. Except Jaskier seems interested right up until he scrambles away before Geralt can really put the effort in and actually do anything. It's really frustrating.
Eventually, Geralt figures out why Jaskier keeps backing off despite reeking of lust.
This could go a few ways, but I like the idea of Geralt wanting some stress relief before a hunt but Jaskier is still retreating. Geralt goes on the hunt, frustrated and kills the creature faster than expected due to a lucky blow and returns to camp still hyped on potions and adrenaline and horny and frustrated and this time he doesn't take no for an answer, forcing Jaskier to the ground and taking him, fucking him hard and deep and using him and making him enjoy it, verbally degrading and mocking him for doing so, but also telling him what a good boy he is and how pretty he looks, how perfect his body is for sucking/riding Geralt's cock.
Just, absolutely wrecks him and then continues to do so anytime he feels like it.
And please add the aspect of Witchers having s heck load of stamina (increased by potions) meaning Jaskier is in for it for the rest of the night/day/many hours of your choosing. Especially if Jaskier has been his usual promiscuous self in regards to females and causing trouble with his 'need to tap that'.
In regards to the ask I just sent I wouldn't mind something about how Jaskier feels when he feels Geralt's come leaking out of him afterwards as well?
Honestly? I cannot get enough of Jaskier dealing with internalised homophobia (me? Projecting? Never.) and Geralt having none of it. Sure, it’s all fine if the bard wants to not hurry into things, but after the tenth time of basically humping Geralt’s leg only to retreat the moment the witcher want anything more out of it? Well, he is quite pissed and blue balled to hell and back. Who can blame him for being a bit rude about it?
Perhaps he figures it out and it makes him just so much more frustrated. Had he known the guy was literally debating going to hell from sleeping with him, he would have probably left Jaskier in that tavern long ago, not wasted weeks trying to fuck him. But now he has invested time and effort and honestly, he really wants that arse and hear him moan his name, so he might as well keep trying. He keeps slipping in reassurance during their travels, openly talking about fucking men and how it’s far more progressive here in these parts of the continent, how he can’t deal with nobles and theyr conservative ideas etc etc. Nothing seems to help, Jaskier just as scared when his hands travel down to his cock, reeking of shame and sadness so badly that Geralt even goes soft in his trousers.
Maybe they do some progress, Geralt jacking off next to him, can sense he is watching and growing hard himself without fleeing. So when he wants some stress relief before the hunt, he can’t help but push his luck. And fail, again. So he leaves, huffing and growling, to slay the beast and perhaps get some of his hormones out on that. Except no, all it does is leaving him hyped up on potions, overwhelmed with need to use up his stamina and - Gods - a rock hard cock. When he comes back to camp, he can’t help but smell Jaskier’s absolutely divine scent and pounce.
He has the bard pinned to the ground within seconds, not wasting any time before pushing both of their clothes down and gaining some friction. Jaskier cries out, stuttering and already sobbing as he feels the man’s length push against him, prodding at his hole without consideration. He begs and pleads, please, please don’t! I can’t! But but Geralt pays no attention to it, already working his spit-slick fingers inside of him. There is no way he is letting this opportunity go to waste, no way he is being blue balled again and left to jack himself off in the woods where the stupid little bard can’t see and get uncomfortable about it. He needs this, deserves it! He has been the man’s sole outlet for his queer fantsies and yet never given him anything back.
He fucks him hard and deep without any gradual buildup, instead hammering inside of him like their lives depended on it and finally, finally, he comes inside his pretty hole, grunting and biting his shoulder as he feels the relief washing over him. He stays like that for a few minutes, just feeling the afterglow of his orgasm and how Jaskier’s hole clenches around him with each sob wracking his frame. Despite it all, he can smell the man’s arousal and decides that since they have come so far already, why not help him the entire way?
“Fuck, you’re made for cock, Jaskier.” The bard immediately freezes up at his words, tense and scared. “Absolutely divine. Just a little cumdump, aren’t you? Created only so I could have you.”
It’s distressing the bard, but Geralt keeps going, calls him a slut and whore, tells him it’s such a shame he thinks he has any place between a woman’s legs. Surely he wouldn’t be so warm and wet inside if that was the case, made to be bred and used by Geralt. Jaskier keeps crying through it all, doing his best to protest while his cock aches between his thighs. No, no I can’t be- can’t sin! I- I want to be good! he begs and cries, Geralt starting up his thrusting again.
“Oh you are good, Jaskier. Such a good whore for me. Fit perfectly around my big cock, don’t you? Just love being my little slut?” He shakes his head feverishly and tries to get away, prompting Geralt to growl and bite down over his neck again. No, he is not leaving. All the while Jaskier just sees the disappointed faces of his parents after being found kissing the stable boy, their screams and the beating he got afterwards. He thinks of his priests teaching him about hell and sinners, where he would certainly go for enjoying Geralt’s hand on his cock. He comes with a shout, tears staining his cheeks and the ground below him as he collapses. He will never be forgiven for this, and still he wants more.
Geralt makes sure to give him more, keeps pumping his seed inside of him, mocking him for taking pleasure out of the act. He is no woman, should not love being fucked silly, cock dumb and begging for more as his cock leaks onto the dirt. It goes on for hours, the night slowly drifting away with the rise of the sun, Jaskier dry heaving from his intense crying and Geralt never letting up. He jackhammers into him, have him face him and fisting his cock, forcing him to ride his member and degrade himself for the gods to see. Eventually he pulls out for the first time, groaning as his cock finally softens and the potions have run their course. He slaps the bard’s arse hard, smiling deviously as the flood of come bubbles out of his hole.
Jaskier didn’t think he could produce more tears, but they come when he can feel the seed leak out of him, dribbling down his balls and thighs in rivers and staining his skin. He knows he will never be truly clean, will never be able to look his family in the eyes again. He knows he is ruined forever.
And Geralt promises him more.
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Its the constant boasting that they're having a grand old time while so many deaths keep getting reported all over the country and in Los Angeles that really pisses me off. Its so stupid of them to think that eventhough they're not around a lot of people that its okay to continue to travel and waste so many rapid tests in doing so when they could be used on essential workers. They reported the closing of two test centers because theyre running out of tests. There's also people spending the night in their cars just to get a test and here are all these influencers with their, "We all tested negative so we can film" bull.
(This got long, so some of it is going behind a cut)
Is this about snc?
If so...I am in agreement with everyone that does not understand the point behind filming this series in Utah. I feel like everything they are doing, while exciting and fun, could have been done in CA.
I’ve talked about this before, but the reason I don’t normally get involved in the discussions about people travelling during the pandemic is because I have had to do some travelling during the pandemic (work travel that could not be avoided, one very long cross country drive for a family emergency, and one ill fated overnight trip to the beach over the summer when things were good that I regretted from pretty much the second I got out of my car), and I would feel like a hypocrite coming down on anyone for work/family travel (just to explain why I don't normally talk about this on my blog, for those interested or who think I don't care etc).
Now, having said that, I never did the rapid testing thing (I didn’t even know those existed until very recently-I did the normal testing/quarantining). The rapid testing, I feel, is more of a way to show people “Hey, we’re taking precautions!” which...eh. I don’t think a lot of people really realize how ineffective those rapid tests are. I certainly didn’t until everyone on here started talking about them. So, if the majority of people don’t know what those tests are, they see someone getting a covid test and think, “Oh good, they are being safe,” and leave it at that.
I do agree with what you said, in that I think they genuinely think they are being “safe” by wearing masks around people, staying away from people, and having people test before filming with them. I don’t think they truly realize how much deeper it goes, because honestly-a lot of people in this country don’t. The most you hear is “wear a mask and stay 6 ft apart” so people do that and call it a day, as if that’s the magic cure-all for covid.
I feel like in general (not related to snc whatsoever) people feel like this pandemic was left behind in 2020, especially since we now have a vaccine. There’s this sense of the light being at the end of the tunnel getting everyone all riled up and excited, and I think people are forgetting that the vaccine actually has to be distributed and the country has to actually be vaccinated first, which will take time.
There are other things that I think are motivating the majority of the country, which I won’t even get into. Politics, stubbornness, people being sick and tired of it all, misinformation about what is actually happening, panic over income and their futures-you name it, it could probably be applied to the reason that people just will not accept that the quarantine must continue for a bit and that their inability to just stick with the quarantine is contributing to this whole thing being prolonged the way it has.
Every state is also being handled in a totally different way, with totally different outcomes, which doesn’t help. Florida, for example, is wide open. Nevada, too. I was in Montana a few months ago on my way across country and you would’ve thought covid wasn’t even a thing there. Someone got mad a me for wearing a mask at a gas station. They don’t even want to hear about any of this out there.
So you’ve got people whose whole entire lives and jobs are to travel, make content around travelling, or sell themselves online travelling and being in all these glamorous places...and their state is telling them, “NOPE, you have to stay in.” But there’s no country-wide ban on travel, and there are 49 other states, and some of them are doing things completely differently, so...why not just go to those places and film/make content instead? That way they don’t lose their income, but they also still get to make the same content as always and don’t have to figure out new content, which could potentially flop with their viewers, which could bring down their revenue, etc.
(Disclaimer: I am not saying this is the right way of thinking AT ALL, just that I think this is part of the motivation for some of these influencers)
Now, onto SNC. Some of what I said above probably applies to them, but I wonder sometimes if there isn’t a little bit of resentment/competition in their case as well. Here’s why:
At the beginning of this whole thing, they stayed in the house for months. They didn’t film any new content for snc, they didn’t film any content where they left the house on their personal channels. Even when they did Cerro Gordo over the summer, it was a ghost town with one man living in it, and everyone got tested before and after filming. And guess what? Their views suffered, their popularity went down; people got bored with them and turned to other things. (Sidenote: fandoms are fleeting. Nobody unconditionally loves and supports anyone. If they aren’t giving you content, you will walk away until they start entertaining you again. That’s a fact of fandom life.)
Meanwhile, Corey and Elton just said fuck it and spent this entire pandemic travelling non-stop, with no consequences and very few people calling them out-cause in the grand scheme of things, tumblr and what little of the fandom felt like saying stuff to and about them, does not count as being “called out” on a big scale. TFIL still gets decent viewership (their recent videos did better than SNC’s) and there was literally no long term consequence to their actions, covid wise.
So lets say, SNC start thinking, “Damn...Elton’s doing this shit, Corey’s doing this shit, they’ve managed to keep it going all this time and nobody’s said anything to them...it must be easier than we thought to safely travel/film during a pandemic. And obviously nobody cares if they’re doing it...so why can’t we do it, too?” And off they go.
Now, I’m not saying thats how they feel and, if it is, I’m not saying thats the right way to feel...but nobody is perfect. Resentment and competition and the need to continue to make money drives us all sometimes. SNC aren’t saints. I don’t think for a second that they are inherently bad people, but they are PEOPLE. People are dumb. People do dumb shit for bad reasons with little thought to the big picture or to how their actions affect others sometimes.
All this to say: they are idiots. They’re gonna do whatever they are gonna do, until they realize it isn’t safe, finally start getting called out on a big scale by their fandom, get covid, get stuck in some random state and have to make the Rubik’s Cube video I am so honestly excited about, or until they get the vaccine...whichever comes first.
I completely understand how frustrating all of this is, because even I, the person who doesn’t normally get involved in these discussions, kind of did a, “YIKES,” when I saw their insta stories. I wish I had better answers, or knew how to get in touch with them to knock their heads together and knock some sense into them.
And please, don’t take any of this as a defense against snc, or any influencers in general. I just think that human motivation is an interesting thing, and I think everyone has a reason (good or bad) for the reasons they do things. Everyone is the hero of their own story, as they say...so nobody can see when they are being the bad guy.
Also, this got really, really long and I apologize. I need to cut down on my rants. But I love the asks!
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There was a knights cheering up the reader when theyre sad post, but how about the reader cheering the knights up when theyre upset?
King Knight may be a decadent dandy with enough charisma to resurrect the dead (despite Specter's scoffs), but he has a soft... inner... shell... that needs to be tenderly stroked. Which sounds wrong. Very wrong. He can take quite a few insults as long as he has wit on his side. Though, once he doesn't, things take a turn for the worst. He doesn't consider himself a fool, no, he's the greatest! The fairest in all the land! The perfect king! Even so, they still think of him like that. Is that why none of his banquets are ever attended? Do they consider him enough of a simpleton to ignore his very status? That can't be... No, no, no. There's only one person he trusts, even more than his dear... mother. He sheepishly explains himself, underlining how these words "don't exactly" hurt him in any way, they're only bothersome thoughts. He looks up from his hands, rubbing at small grey spot on his crown. The royal Blacksmith seems to be doing a poorer job every-time he asks for a new finish. Speak to him, tell him he's great. List off what makes him worth it all, what makes him "kingly”. He'll listen for hours, blinking away the tears behind his helm
Specter Knight isn't new to moments of sadness. Whenever he looks back at what he has accomplished, he either sees a reckless child who managed to forsake the only family he has ever had, or an empty shell, wasting away after an oath that was ripped from him by the Enchantress. Depressive thoughts come and go, you can't really blame him when you catch him staring silently at the moon - you know, he would be gazing at his beloved locket instead, if someone hadn't stolen it. It's like he has lost a part of himself. You promise yourself that you will have retrieve it, someday, somehow. Anything to make him happy. The only thing you can currently do is walk up to him, quietly - he's mumbling words under his breath, curses addressed to either himself or the universe - and hold him into your embrace. He won't return it, he's be lost in his own thoughts. Words aren't needed, he's not in any condition to hear them anyway. Sit next to him in silence, make your presence known, remind him that he's not alone and, despite all the evil he has done, someone is still beside him
Treasure Knight is able to withstand both extreme physical and emotional pressure. Still, he has his limits. If he has a berserk button, it would be gold. Insult it, tear it apart with your words and he'll want to snap your neck with his bare hands. After the surge of rage, he grows awfully quiet. He turns detached focusing on the task at hand or searching for a way to resolve whatever may be weighing on his mind. He becomes quite frightening, standing as still as a statue. You're sure the diving suit he inhabits turns otherworldly when he's like this. His voice is monotonous and cold, he's curt and doesn't seem interested in your presence. This can last for days on end. He doesn't seek affection, comfort or anything of the sort. You typically avoid him when he's in such a state, rarely checking in on him to see if he has recovered. It's only after his recovery that he's able to voice what upset him. Even then, he seems awfully calm for someone who was practically alone for a week straight. Strangely, he only enters his vault when he's in a better state of mind, which makes his whereabouts quite easy to guess when he’s “missing”
Tinker Knight normally doesn't let himself be distracted by moments of sadness, as his work requires almost all of his time and effort. This becomes a problem when his work turns into the source of his sadness, frustration or stress. Dreadful lack of inspiration, him not meeting his own impossible expectations, burnout moments that everyone experiences from time to time - he hates not being at the top of his capacity, which always results in him losing all of his confidence, blaming himself for mistakes that don't exist and for his so-called laziness. Sometimes, he even hits the working table or his own forehead out of rage, not hard enough to cause damage thankfully. His depressed state distorts the perception he has of himself and of his own productivity, and that's where you come in. Let him vent out, no matter how awful his complaints might sound. He might even cry from stress if he feels comfortable enough in your presence. In any case, just wait for him to calm down, then explain that productivity isn't all, that he needs to take care of himself before taking care of his projects, and remind him that you don't value him any less during his moments of unproductivity. He'll be thankful for each of your words
Propeller Knight tends to be laid back. Sure, he can be very overdramatic at times. He has played the "offended" card quite a bit, draping melancholically over a couch, waxing poetically about what "horrors" he has faced. He acts, he follows his charismatic sky pirate persona. You can hear it through his expressive tone and see it through his ostentatiously exaggerated gestures. There are few things that truly strike a cord with him, and when they do, the mask shatters. His crew have grown accustomed to it. They know the ins and outs of their captain, even his rare yet present anger. He barks orders and seems utterly detached from everyone around him, he only has his goal in mind and the rage tearing him from the inside out. Avoid him as much as possible, attempting to reason with him will worsen his state. There have been cases of Propeller throwing himself into combat despite being outnumbered, he clearly lacks self-preservation when his anger bubbles over. At most, the only sign of self-preservation he has is hiding himself away. The presence of Plantos helps him a great deal, they calm his nerves and steady his hammering heart. If sadness still fills his mind, he will cry either alone or seek you out if you're particularly close. He has grown quite worried of this unfortunate trait of his. Aggressive fits of anger have deterred many of his past partners, and for good reason. He will tentatively seek affection in this state, requiring reassurance. Not lies, meaningful, honest, reassurance from you.
Polar Knight has a unique way of dealing with negative emotions. At first, you would say he has no emotions at all, let alone emotions that could possibly crush his portentous vigor - instead, he's very much affected by them. He became much gloomier after joining the Order and he spent his days shoveling intensely and training regularly to keep his mind focused. Now, his preferred method of dealing with negativity remains training. He never seeks help or speaks at all, even his signature grunts turn into silence. You might see him training intensively, sometimes even in the middle of a snowstorm, all alone. There's no use talking to him when he's upset, he will barely give any sign of appreciation. You could surprise him with warm blankets or a hot beverage that you have purposefully made for him instead. He appreciates gestures much more than any kind word you could ever tell him. He must be one of those people who don't think others would be able to understand how they feel, so don't bother him with that. Give him his space and respect his sadness even if its source is unknown to you, he will greatly appreciate it. If he's comfortable enough, he won't be opposed to you caressing his beard out of affection sometimes
Plague Knight rarely seems down in the dumps. He's off giggling, creating massive explosions and discovering new alchemical formulas with Mona. He doesn't give a squawk about anything. He takes the town's folks insults and answers with venomous retorts, still laughing. You would absolutely describe him as overzealously confident if you didn't know him better. He's... awkward. A part of you suspects that he has raised himself. He covers up his asocial behaviors with mockeries and... well, laughter. You have grown able to easily recognize his dreadfully nervous laughs. You know for a fact that he wouldn't admit his true feelings even if his life depended on it. So secretive, trying to hide himself for fear of rejection. It's only through learnt-behavior that he eventually manages to soften up. He minimizes what bothers him, another attempt to impress you for fear of losing the very person he loves. If there's one thing that he won't distort, it's his need for cuddling. He has become a touchy person over the years, maybe because he was lonely for so long? Perhaps, for now he's relentlessly tapping his fingers against your back. Nervous tic.
Mole Knight's sadness usually doesn't turn into anger or frustration. He's not good with emotions, even though teamwork has taught him how to interact with others. He seems to know himself little, which didn't allow him to develop the ability to defend himself from negativity. Not entirely, at least. You will see him dig with much more fervor than usual, pushing himself further and further and being as active as possible. Work cheers him up and helps him forget his sadness, but running away from his emotions doesn't always help. His flames burn very faintly, their hue is dim, they don't sway as energetically as they usually do. He can't ignore his sadness forever, no matter how focused he is at the moment. Take him aside and stop him from digging further, let him focus on you instead. Strangely enough, considering the thick armor that protects his essence, he is quite sensitive to physical touch. Hug him and let his claws envelop your figure, see how the flames will start burning as brightly as ever - he's very warm, so don't feel embarrassed if you find yourself blushing after having hugged him
Black Knight is, by definition, a loner. On top of being a loner, he has trouble admitting his emotions. He tends to push them aside as he wants to be seen as powerful and resilient. Still, he can't keep himself as composed as Polar Knight. He avoids your gaze when upset. Do not touch him, he can be... harsh when expressing his need to be left alone, which makes him feel even worse deep down. Terrorpin, despite not joining him in battle anymore (not after the incident at the Tower), helps him, rubbing its head against his chest until Black places his hand on it. His failures are too fresh in his mind. He can't bear the thought of failing to protect his friends again. This often makes him feel inadequate, sometimes even unwanted. The extended period of time he spent all by himself made him quite resilient, physically speaking, but left a deep scar in him. He must have experienced something similar when he left Shield Knight and Shovel Knight to venture out alone, but the rest of his thoughts are unknown to you. Words won't cheer him up, flashy demonstrations of affection won't either. Sit next to him by the fire and don't hold back a sympathetic smile, it might not seem like it, but he's intently watching you from under his helmet. Slowly but surely, his hand will look for yours while he's caressing Terrorpin's shell absent-mindedly
~Mod Propeller and -Mod Tinker
#shovel knight#black knight#king knight#Specter Knight#plague knight#mole knight#treasure knight#propeller knight#Tinker Knight#polar knight
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if you're still accepting prompts, I might have an idea that could be fun to write. A newly recruited agent curious about capwidow if they're a couple or not + two children running around suddenly around the compound and finds out theyre capwidow's children.
hello anon! thanks for the prompt – you’re right, THIS WAS REALLY FUN TO WRITE!! i got carried away and the fic became longer than i thought it would be. hopefully this is what you were looking for!
Title: you just have to be at the wrong place and wrong time
Relationship: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff
Summary:
A newly recruited SHIELD agent can’t help but to think there’s more to Agent Romanoff and Captain Rogers’ relationship as Avengers.
post-Endgame, based off my post-Endgame HC (where Nat is very much alive) that they eventually build SHIELD back up, with Hill as the director and Steve and Nat are still involved in it somehow. and they have a family. and sam babysits for them
Also on AO3!
“All of you are here because you advanced from the most rigorous process of recruitment - the one that ultimately tested your physical and mental capabilities,” Natasha said, addressing the 15 new SHIELD recruits in front of her. “However difficult that experience may have been, that is the easiest thing you’ll ever had to go through here. It will only get harder from now on,” she raised her eyebrows at them, scanning all their faces - which remained passive.
“Now, as your commanding officer, I expect all of you to always be on your best behavior,” she continued. “This means I expect nothing but the best from all of you. I also do not want to hear anything from anyone that my recruits are misbehaving. Is that clear?”
“Yes, ma’am!” they answered promptly.
Natasha let a hint of a smile play on her lips. “At ease.”
She watched them change into a laxer position, as did she, and lowered her voice. “Now, as you know, there is another group of new recruits, led by Captain Rogers. In two months, all of you will take another test that would give you the opportunity to level up as an agent.” she declared, already feeling a hype-sort of energy from her team, judging from their smiles and glances at each other.
“I don’t want to pressure you, but,” she let on, and all their eyes snap at her, “for the past two years, not all of the new recruits in my team got this promotion and I wish I can say the same about Steve’s- I mean, Captain Rogers’ group. But I have a good feeling this time around - I think you guys will be the ones to break my unfortunate streak.”
She smirked to herself, a playful gleam in her eyes, as she saw her agents smile to themselves as she dismissed them. She can feel that this will be the team that would finally make her win this year’s bet against Steve. He’s been getting too smug about his 100% pass rate for two years already and it’s about time she changes that.
–
“Hey why do you think Agent Romanoff wants us to beat Captain Rogers’ team? I mean, aren’t we all new SHIELD recruits here?” Paolo Crawford, a member of Natasha’s team, asked his friend.
Avery Steele, also a new recruit but in Steve’s team, just shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe it’s just a friendly competition, you know? I mean, with them being The Avengers and everything, they must be real good friends or something.”
Paolo knitted his brows together, genuinely curious. “But there was something in her eyes when she mentioned Cap’s name…” he trailed off.
Avery blinked at him. “I know you have a habit, but please, please tell me you’re not thinking of what I think you’re thinking.”
“Okay, but hear me out-”
“Paolo, stop! They are our commanding officers, let’s not think too much about it.” Avery scolded, standing up to leave him alone with his sandwich. He just pouted and continued to eat lunch by himself.
–
Well truth be told, Paolo’s been trying to figure out what was up with Captain Rogers and Agent Romanoff. If there’s anything between them, that is.
His interest was piqued when he went to his first orientation as a new SHIELD recruit - and the two of them were there to personally assess everyone. After getting over a fanboy moment of being in the same room as two Avengers, Paolo noticed something. The way Steve and Natasha worked together was fascinating.
But like Avery said, they are the Avengers, and most of all, partners. Of course, he expected them to be in sync and coordinated, but seeing it up close was… unreal. One of the things Paolo prides himself on is his meticulous attention to detail, and wow, those were some details he noticed from his commanding officers!
First of all, whenever Natasha would talk or address them, Steve gets this look in his eyes, and some sort of fondness takes over his face, a ghost of a smile always on his lips. It’s as if he’s mesmerized with what she’s saying, despite him for sure hearing it around a hundred times already.
And then there was a demonstration of some sort from the two of them – different types of fighting styles that the new recruits should practice for their assessment. There’s just something about seeing them “fight” in person that Paolo couldn’t take his eyes off – they looked like they’re dancing, with each of them knowing exactly how the other moves. It was truly captivating. But besides that, the way the two of them looked at each other while doing so – Natasha’s smirks and Steve’s smug grins – was just a tad bit too flirty to be platonic, in Paolo’s most honest opinion.
Well. If there isn’t anything but partnership between Rogers and Romanoff, Paolo can’t say he’s not disappointed. That would be a serious waste of chemistry.
–
A month and a half passed quickly, and suddenly, the acceleration assessment is only two weeks away. All the new recruits are feeling the pressure and the exhaustion from trainings and drills. Their schedule is packed with different kinds of things every day, right from the moment they wake up. They only get an hour and a half lunch breaks, and dismissal at 6pm.
This particular Friday, exactly two weeks from the assessment, all 30 new recruits just seemed so defeated by lunch time that Steve took Natasha aside to talk about them.
“Nat, we should give them the rest of the day off. Let them have an early start to their weekend,” he said, moving out of earshot from the common room by turning to a corner.
“Hmmm, I guess they’re still recovering from their full-day drill yesterday,” Natasha winced at the memory. They set out a field with targets, traps, fake shooters – the works – so the recruits can experience what the assessment will be like. They all did well, which was great, but she has to admit, even she got tired from just watching them.
“And that will also give us the rest of the day off,” Steve reminded her, grinning as he put his hands on her hips.
She smirked, “Oh? Got plans, Rogers?”
“I might have a few.”
“Okay, well, let’s actually dismiss them before we start your plan and forget about them,” she chuckled, standing on her tip toes to swiftly peck his lips. His grin got wider when he turned around and she slapped his ass as he was walking back.
“Hey guys,” Natasha tried not to roll her eyes at the way Steve addressed the room. Okay, she knows it’s lunch and they’re bringing good news, but this guy is just so nice to them. It’s always like Good Cop, Bad Cop with them – she can tell that the recruits fear her, out of respect of course, but she can also tell that they adore Steve. Well, who wouldn’t?
“We know you had a tough day yesterday and this morning,” he continued, everyone’s eyes fixed on them. “So, Agent Romanoff and I decided to let you guys go early today. You’re dismissed when you’re done with lunch. See you all on Monday!” he ended with a bright smile, which was received with applause and cheers from everyone.
Steve turned around to smirk at Natasha, who just shook her head at him, and placed a hand behind her back as they turned and made their way back to the elevators. Once she was certain no one was behind them, she snaked her arm around Steve’s waist and slipped her hand in the back pocket of his jeans.
–
“Avery I’m telling you, they’re together, together!” Paolo all but hysterically screamed at his friend after telling her to meet him out that night.
After getting dismissed by their COs, Paolo was going to catch the elevator back up to his quarters to take a nap since he was done eating anyway and he wanted to rest. He was checking his phone as he was walking, not really looking ahead of him since by this time, he practically knows the layout of building by heart. The sound of laughter made him look up – half in curiosity and half in fear – because that was Agent Romanoff’s laugh.
He froze in his step. In front of him were his COs, talking in low voices while very cozily waiting for the elevator.
Feeling like he witnessed something he shouldn’t, he swiftly turned the corner and just hoped that neither of them saw him. It’s not like he’s stalking them – he really isn’t – but he’s sure Agent Romanoff won’t appreciate him seeing that.
Taking a deep breath, he sprinted for the stairs on the side and decided to go through there instead, not really wanting to chance the elevator. He didn’t stop running up the stairs until he reached the floor of his room and shut himself in.
After hearing this from his, Avery tried very hard to push it aside, but she has to admit, even she’s getting intrigued. She sighed and swirled her drink with her fingertip.
“Interesting. I’ve been hearing some, well, gossip about Captain Rogers. You know, from other recruits…”
“And…?” Paolo prompted.
Avery spoke after taking a sip of her drink. “Well, they also have suspicions on him being with Agent Romanoff,” Paolo’s eyes widened, but she continued talking, “though the two of them are known to be best friends, so it might really be just how they are with each other,” she added with a shrug.
Paolo pouted. “I just want to know the truth,” he sighed and downed his drink. Avery looked at him with something akin to pity in her eyes.
“Why don’t you just go ask them? Agent Romanoff seems to really like you, she might want to chat with her favorite recruit.”
“Do you really think I’m her favorite?” Paolo asked cheekily, to which Avery rolled her eyes fondly at. “And no way! That’s just wrong in so many levels!”
“I don’t know what to tell you then.”
–
Paolo decided to come back to the HQ that night to get some workout and training in. Although he’s grateful for having the rest of the day off, he felt… guilty somehow that he didn’t feel worked out enough. Besides, the gym and most of the compound should be empty given it’s a Friday night – most are either out and about or too tired to be up. Before heading to the gym, he went to the kitchen first to get some water.
When he got in, there were two children – a girl and a boy – sitting on one of the tables, drawing on a piece of paper, and a sandwich and juice box in front of them. Paolo stared at the two, not quite comprehending what he was seeing. As far as he was concerned, there were no children living at SHIELD’s HQ, nor are random children randomly permitted to be there. SHIELD doesn’t start them young… right? No, no, no. That can’t be.
As if sensing that someone was staring, the boy – which looks older of the two – smiled and waved at him. He has golden-blond hair and a toothy grin, and he somehow looks familiar although Paolo was certain he’s never seen this child before. The little girl with him, noticing he was looking at someone, looked up and mimicked the boy – waving and smiling at Paolo as well. She has strawberry-blonde hair, as if the two colors are mixed together to get that shade.
Huh.
Not wanting to seem like a creep, he smiled back at them and gave a little wave, turning to the fridge to get a bottle of water. He still can’t fathom who those children are and what they were doing at SHIELD!
He was about to speak out and talk to them when someone beat him to it.
“Hey… what are you guys doing here?”
Crap. That was Captain Rogers’ voice.
Paolo couldn’t see him from where he was standing at the fridge and he stood very still, not wanting to move nor show himself if possible. But he knows it’s not because he hears footsteps approaching the tables – his way – and knows Steve will see him very soon.
“Uncle Sam brought us here because he said Auntie Maria called him to come here and that you and mommy are here too!” the boy babbled on.
Hold on.
Uncle Sam and Auntie Maria??? The Falcon – Sam Wilson and Director Hill – Maria Hill? You and mommy??? These are the Captain’s children???
The Captain has kids??? Is he married??? The only quarters in this part of the HQ are Steve’s and Natasha’s – who else could be here? The little girl has more of a red hair than blonde-
Paolo’s brain was going a hundred miles a minute. He’s trying to process what was happening around him like it’s a bunch of puzzle pieces that he has to put together.
“Your uncle’s here?” he heard Steve ask again, voice louder, indicating he’s almost to where Paolo was at. In an attempt to hide himself, he opened the door of the fridge and stared at it, like he’s watching the most fascinating movie while scanning its contents. They have an awful lot of milk and cheese, he noticed.
“Yeah!” he heard the boy exclaim. “Where’s mommy?”
“Well your mom and I…” Steve trailed off, his voice right behind Paolo, no doubt catching sight of him. “Agent Crawford?” he asked, voice laced with confusion. Paolo’s hand on the milk carton froze and he almost dropped the bottle of water he was holding.
He spun a very clumsy 180 degrees, feeling heat creep up into his neck. Said Captain was only wearing a robe and pajamas. And his hair was in disarray. Oh. He’s hoping that he doesn’t look like the tomato he just saw inside the fridge.
“Yes, Captain?” he really hoped his voice was steady to Steve’s ears because it sure as hell didn’t for him.
“What are you doing here this late on a Friday night?” Steve asked, smiling at him. He didn’t look mad – if anything, he looked surprised and amused. “Isn’t everyone else out? Or you know, resting?”
Paolo nodded. “Yes, Captain. I just thought I needed more training and I was going to work out down there,” he pointed downwards, as if Steve could see the gym from underneath his finger.
Steve let out a chuckle, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, Agent Crawford. Get some rest. Nat, uh, I mean, Agent Romanoff is very happy with your performance. Trust me.”
Before Paolo could respond, the little boy tugged on Steve’s arm. “Daddy, I’m sleepy,” he pouted. Steve laughed and mussed up his hair.
“James, Mommy has to stay here tonight. If you want, I can go home with you two and she’ll come home tomorrow. Or… just sleep in Mommy and I’s bed here for tonight.” Steve explained.
Paolo knows this is a personal moment and he’s basically been dismissed by Steve which means he should probably leave. But alas, he felt frozen in his spot, still holding onto the fridge’s door and peering inside it while stealing glances at the three.
“With mommy!!!” the little girl squealed out. Steve grinned and leaned down to pick the little girl up in his arms. The boy – James, it seems – nodded and stood up.
“Crawford,” Paolo’s head snapped up to meet Steve’s eye, “like I said. Nat likes you, and that’s no easy feat. Take it easy. Though don’t let her know about this,” he winked, a mischievous smile on his lips. And with the girl on his right arm, Steve held out his left hand for James to hold on to.
“Y-yes, Captain.” He answered. Steve nodded and walked with the two to the elevator, finally leaving Paolo alone to slump on the floor.
Well at least his question was answered.
But what did he mean by not letting her know about “this”? That Steve told him he was her favorite or that he found out about their family?
Huh. So, Black Widow and Captain America really is a thing. And they have children. Paolo shook his head and smiled to himself. At least he shipped the right couple. He stood up and walked to his quarters. Although he was dying to tell Avery about it, the moment between him and Captain Rogers felt so… personal that he knew he can’t just talk to other people about that. Not without the consent of either of them – he knew it wasn’t his place nor his story to tell.
–
The day after the recruits’ assessments was a very tense one. The two groups were told to meet their COs first thing in the morning to learn about their results.
Steve and Natasha stood before the 30 anxious faces of the recruits, holding a piece of paper with the results. They shared a glance before Steve spoke up.
“First of all, I want to tell everyone: good job on your assessment. We were very pleased with the results.”
“Yes, I have to say, each and every one of you exceeded our expectations,” Natasha continued, to which she was met with shocked faces.
Steve observed the recruits and let out a chuckle, looking at Natasha and raising an eyebrow. The corners of her lips lifted, and she nodded. “To answer the question in your minds: Yes. All of you are now Level 2 agents. Congratulations.” He smiled and clapped his hands, which was followed by cheering and clapping from the newly-appointed agents.
After a while of celebrating, Natasha put her hand up, to which they silenced as she began to talk. “Now, as my group knows, this is the first time in two years that I had a hundred percent pass rate. Well, Captain Rogers and I have this bet – if one of us achieves that perfect rate, we’d owe the other a dare. Since we both achieved that this year, then we both owe each other a dare.” She heard the crowd go “Oooooo” and smirked.
Steve looked at her, puzzled. Natasha stared back at him and grinned. “And I want to redeem my dare right now.”
Steve’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh? What might that dare be?”
“Kiss me.“
Silence.
The agents looked at each other, shocked. Did they hear that correctly?
Steve stared at Natasha, blinking slowly, as if she might as well have told him that she was Loki in disguise.
“Come on, Rogers, you heard me,” Natasha prompted, crossing her arms over her chest and raised a challenging eyebrow at him.
The agents are looking at them back-and-forth, like it was a movie unfolding. It took Steve a while to recover. He stood up straighter and smiled at her. “Why, do you want to make our new agents uncomfortable?” he asked, putting his hands on her waist. She let out a laugh and shook her head.
“I’m actually aiming for the opposite.” She unfolded her arms to hold onto his shirt, standing on her toes to meet Steve’s lips as he leaned down. Gasps and Awwwws erupted from the group as their lips met, which made Natasha smile as she playfully bit Steve’s lower lip before pulling away.
She turned back to the agents, waiting for someone bold enough to ask them the question. One brave soul in the back raised her hand. Natasha nodded and the agent spoke up.
“So, does that mean you and Captain Rogers are dating?”
Natasha chuckled, shaking her head. The agents looked puzzled. All but one.
“Agent Crawford, you didn’t tell them?”
All eyes snapped to Paolo, who almost jumped at the mentioned of his name. “N-no, ma’am,” he merely squeaked out, feeling flushed at getting singled out. Steve gave him a thumbs up in return. From the other group, he saw Avery shooting him a looking that’s half-glaring, half-confusion.
“Nice work. I appreciate that.” Natasha told him. “No, Steve and I aren’t dating. We’re married.”
“And we have two kids,” Steve added, smiling at everyone. They stared at them, speechless. Who would’ve guessed?
“You might be wondering why we’re telling you this now,” Natasha spoke up after a few seconds of silence. “Now that all of you have Level 2 Clearance, we can tell you this and you’ll also be seeing more of SHIELD, like getting access to more places in the HQ and such. This is just a heads up that you might see our kids, James and Sarah, roaming around. They’re usually in the higher floors and lounges so if you see them, don’t freak out. They’re used to this environment so please just say hi or something.”
“So,” Steve clapped his hands together, “that’s all for now. Once again, congratulations. We may not be your direct CO anymore, but feel free to chat if you see any of us. We’re here as your mentors to support you. Dismissed.”
–
“How dare you not tell me!” Avery whispered a bit loudly at Paolo while they were in the newly-accessible lounge.
“Captain’s orders.” Paolo grinned sheepishly, waving at the little kids who just entered the room accompanied by their father. Steve caught his eye and winked at him.
#romanogers#fanfic#i really liked this#pls send me more prompts; it's still summer hahaha#stevenat#post-endgame#fluff#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#black widow#captain america#avengers#endgame#avengers endgame#marvel#mcu#stevetasha#capwidow#captasha#asks#fic#anon#anon ask#fic prompt
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[Translation] TsukiPro Special CD - Starry Sky Collection Track 2
Yay~! This time, it’s VAZZROCK!!
Next one is Mamoru and Koki’s and then the rest of the Yaminabe series dramas ww
Thank you once again to Deea for the files~! Please don’t ask her as per her request, thank you!
Also, Sho briefly mentions the story behind Lyra the constellation so, please do give it a read to understand it completely ^^
※ Please don’t re-post these translations without permission. Instead of reposting, please just like/reblog instead ^^
Under the cut, enjoy~!
Track 02:
[心揺さぶる音楽を -こと座 ベガ-]
“Music that Shakes the Heart – from the Constellation of Lyra – Vega”
Mamiya Takaaki, Kira Ouka, Onoda Sho, and Nadumi Ruka
[0:00]
MAMIYA: Everyone, thank you very much. We’ll leave the rest to you.
SHO: We’ll leave it in your care.
SHO: We’ll be taking our leave now.
OUKA: Thank you very much for today.
RUKA: Thank you~!
SHO: Now then, thank you for the hard work once again.
MAMIYA: Good work.
OUKA: Great job.
RUKA: Yay~! We all did well!
SHO: With this, VazzRaji’s first season recording is now finished.
SHO: Our party with the staff is over as well and now all we need to do is return to the dorms.
SHO: I heard that if we go straight home from here, it’s not that far but…
SHO: Takaaki, do you want to call a taxi?
MAMIYA: Ah, that’s right. Let’s call for one by the main street.
MAMIYA: But, uh… Can I ride a different one (from yours)?
OUKA: A different one? Where do you plan on going?
MAMIYA: Don’t look at me with such cold eyes~ I just feel like going for a little walk.
MAMIYA: If I walk from here to the dorm…
RUKA: If we’ll trust the map application, it’d take about 10 minutes!
MAMIYA: See? That’s what he said. It’s not really that far.
MAMIYA: I was just thinking of walking around to feel a bit refreshed.
MAMIYA: That much is fine, isn’t it?
RUKA: Ah! Then, I’ll do the same~! I don’t really like the smell of taxis and I try avoiding them as much as possible.
RUKA: Also, I ate a looooott of meat and rice so I wanna exercise a bit!
RUKA: And so~ Takaaki-kun, can I go with you~?
MAMIYA: Of course, you’re welcome to~! Let’s take it easy together, ‘kay?
RUKA: Alrighty~!
OUKA: (sighs) Ruka, if you walk back to the dorms from here, won’t it override your calorie intake?
RUKA: Non, non, non, Ouka-kun~ Doing things when you feel like doing them is important, too!
RUKA: In other words, there’d be no feelings of guilt lingering!
OUKA: Is it like that?
RUKA: Yes, it is! It’s kinda the same as when women go shopping.
RUKA: “Oh, I might find some use for this,” they say and then they end up buying more than intended~
RUKA: In my case, I say “I’ll lose it all in practice tomorrow” and then I eat as much as I can!
RUKA: If you say that, you won’t feel as guilty! Doing the things you love sometimes is important, too~
RUKA: It’s essential, right~?
OUKA: I see… That’s deep.
MAMIYA: By the way, I only want to walk, okay?
SHO: Yes~ I don’t really have any feelings of guilt but, can I join you for your night walk?
MAMIYA: Oh~ Sho, you wanna walk, too?
SHO: Yes, I’m the same as you, Takaaki.
SHO: Heading straight back to the dorms feels like a waste and somehow, I’m in the mood to walk, too.
SHO: I had so much fun a while ago that I feel like wanting to enjoy your company for a while longer.
MAMIYA: In Sho’s case, isn’t it just because you had too much to drink?
MAMIYA: You’re looking quite pale, y’know~? See? (Mamiya touches Sho’s hand) Your hand’s a bit warm, too.
SHO: (chuckles) Is that so? Well, maybe it is, since Takaaki’s hand feels cool and nice.
RUKA: Were you bad at handling your alcohol, Sho-kun?
RUKA: Like, your head feels floaty whenever you drink?
SHO: Hmm… I don’t think I’m particularly bad or good.
SHO: Though, it’s true that my head feels kind of floaty but, it doesn’t really go beyond that.
RUKA: Heh~ I’ll remember that~
SHO: Hm? Why would you want to remember that?
RUKA: When I know what my friends’ limits are, I can help them when they’re troubled about what to drink next or when they’re about to pass out, right~?
RUKA: I can handle my alcohol well so don’t hesitate to rely on me, ‘kay~
SHO: Thank you. Ruka’s very kind and reliable, huh?
MAMIYA: ROCK DOWN’s bonds are so dazzling~
MAMIYA: Alright! Then, Ouka will go home first in a taxi and then—
OUKA: Wait. Do you really think I’m that much of a loner to go home by taxi when you’re all walking?
MAMIYA: Yeah.
OUKA: (Ouka grabs Mamiya by the necktie) You should at least lie in a situation like this.
MAMIYA: (with a pained voice) O-O-Ouka-kun… Ouka-kun? Don’t pull my necktie…! My neck’s gonna fall off…!
MAMIYA: My neck’s gonna snap…!
RUKA: (smiles) VAZZY’s bonds are so tight, huh~!?
SHO: Ouka, calm down~
OUKA: Tch.
RUKA: So, that means~ Ouka-kun’s gonna walk with us?
OUKA: I am. Now that that’s decided, let’s get going.
OUKA: Let’s go. Hurry up and go.
RUKA: Yes sir~
MAMIYA: Y-yes…
[05:00]
RUKA: (singing) ♪ Let’s go on a walk, let’s go on a walk~! ♪
RUKA: (singing) ♪ I am the great Ruka-kun~! ♪
SHO: (chuckles) Ruka’s in a good mood, huh?
OUKA: I’d understand if that was his energy after drinking but, I’m surprised that he’s naturally like that.
OUKA: In a way, he’s pretty energetic.
MAMIYA: That’s to be expected. Ruka’s a stage actor after all.
MAMIYA: I think he’s got more energy than a certain someone here~ He’s got pretty great stamina.
OUKA: I see.
SHO: I’m so sorry, Ouka. We ended up going home by walking.
OUKA: Ah, no. If I’m being honest, I was the same as everyone else. I felt like going for a walk.
OUKA: That’s why you don’t have to mind it.
MAMIYA: Oh my~! You’re quite honest with Sho, aren’t you, Ouka?
OUKA: If someone tells me something directly, I answer as honestly as I can.
OUKA: That’s all there is to it.
MAMIYA: In other words, you’re rebellious when it comes to me?
RUKA: (smiles) Walking like this together with everyone feels kinda nice, huh~?
RUKA: The food and alcohol during the staff party was great, too! I’m extremely satisfied~
RUKA: I’m super happy!
OUKA: Ruka, your voice is too loud.
RUKA: (laughs) I’m sorry, Ouka-kun.
RUKA: I’m feeling good and the wind feels so nice~ I just got taken in by the atmosphere. (to Sho) Right~?
SHO: Hm? Yes~ (to Mamiya) Right?
MAMIYA: (to Ouka) Right~?
OUKA: Ruka and Sho aside, when Takaaki does it, it’s disgusting.
MAMIYA: So mean!
RUKA: Alright~! Sho-kun and I passed!
MAMIYA: Discrimination is not good, Ouka.
OUKA: Don’t hold on to me, you drunk.
MAMIYA: I didn’t drink any though~
MAMIYA: I only drank like, one beer and about two or three ciders.
RUKA: Me, too! Normally, I’d drink so much more but, I have to wake up early tomorrow.
RUKA: Hm… But, Takaaki-kun, Ouka-kun, Sho-kun, and I are kinda a rare combi so—
RUKA: Going home so early just kinda feels like a waste…
SHO: Even though you say that Ruka, Gaku asked me to take you home safely.
RUKA: Ack! That bastard…!
MAMIYA: As expected from his partner! He can read you like a book~
OUKA: You laugh at him and all that but, you need to wake up early for filming tomorrow, too.
OUKA: Walk properly, get home, and then go to sleep.
OUKA: Don’t tell me, “let me watch one video before going to sleep,” got it?
MAMIYA: (groans)
SHO: (laughs) Looks like he can read you well, too~
SHO: Although Takaaki takes his work seriously, there are times when he indulges himself, huh?
SHO: Just like me~
RUKA: I-I don’t think that’s something you should be smiling about, Sho-kun… (laughs nervously)
OUKA: Good grief… So, our leaders have the same weird tendencies.
SHO: Please don’t abandon me.
[08:19]
SHO: (gasps)
RUKA: Hm, what’s wrong, Sho-kun?
SHO: Look, Ruka. Since there are no buildings around, you can see the stars properly.
RUKA: Ah! It’s true!
RUKA: Woah~! Since when did I last see the stars like this~?
OUKA: We might have seen them but didn’t really notice them much.
MAMIYA: So, they can be seen properly even in the city, huh~!
OUKA: The stars I saw from my relative’s house when I was younger were even more amazing.
MAMIYA: Heh~ In the countryside?
OUKA: In Okayama Prefecture’s prefectural border.
OUKA: I was in elementary school back then probably. I went there about 2 or 3 times during summer vacation.
OUKA: In any case, the stars were so beautiful that I’d lay down and look up at them until my mother came to scold me.
OUKA: It’s such a vivid memory that when I close my eyes sometimes, I feel like I can still see them.
OUKA: The scent of incense, the squeaking of the wooden floorboards, the sound of the wind chimes, and the starry sky spreading from the night sky.
RUKA: When I imagine Ouka-kun with stars, it makes for such a perfect picture that I get scared~
RUKA: Ouka-kun, you really love stars, huh?
OUKA: I guess. I love them.
OUKA: Not just the stars but the universe in general. When it’s shown on T.V. I end up watching it completely.
MAMIYA: This is my first time hearing that~
OUKA: Have I not told you…?
OUKA: Don’t you generally prefer conversations where you can talk of anything compared to half-hearted ones that don’t fit your interests?
OUKA: It feels good to be able to talk about what you love, doesn’t it?
MAMIYA: I see~ That’s such a great reason that’s so fitting of you, Ouka.
RUKA: I love stars too but, not on a realistic scale, I guess.
RUKA: I love things with star designs! They can be cute or cool~!
RUKA: Oh, and they’re good luck~!
MAMIYA: Oh! Now that you mention it, I feel like a lot of your t-shirts and bags have star designs on them!
MAMIYA: Don’t you have shoes like that, too? Ya know, the ones designed with stars for buckles and stuff?
RUKA: As expected from Takaaki-kun! You’ve observed well, huh~? Those are my favorite~
RUKA: It’s the one I decorated with the make-up artist backstage! It’s the only one of its kind in the world~
RUKA: I wear them to feel in the mood before a play!
SHO: You really take acting seriously, huh~ Leaving it to luck is not manly, was it?
SHO: Though, you give me the impression that you would leave it to your own abilities.
RUKA: (laughs) That’s correct! That’s exactly it!
RUKA: Whether it’s luck or abilities, the one that wins in the end is the me who practiced a lot.
RUKA: The only superstition I believe are good luck charms, I guess.
RUKA: I usually feel like giving it my all when I’m acting since I can~
RUKA: Though, there are a lot of people on stage who believe in superstitions.
SHO: True. I think I have the same way of thinking. The world is not so simple that we can win on luck alone.
SHO: But, we can’t completely undermine luck and being lucky. That’s about it, I guess~
RUKA: Yep~! Samesies~
[11:43]
SHO: (chuckles) Hey, does everyone know the legend of Vega from the Lyra constellation? It’s one of the brightest stars in the Summer Triangle.
MAMIYA: That’s pretty sudden~ The Summer Triangle constellation is uh… Altair, Vega, and… Ah, Deneb! It’s that one, right?
MAMIYA: The only thing I know about it are the stars’ names.
OUKA: I’m the same.
RUKA: Wow, you’re amazing! I didn’t even know the stars’ names!
RUKA: I only know the words “Summer Triangle”.
SHO: (chuckles) That’s exactly it.
SHO: Lyra is the constellation that’s shaped like a musical instrument. It’s the lyre that appears in Greek mythology.
SHO: The story goes is that it’s Orpheus’s lyre up in the sky.
SHO: The legend says that Orpheus went to the Underworld to reclaim his departed wife.
SHO: He offered his music to the King of the Underworld and managed to charm him.
SHO: Though, it seems like he failed with his initial plans of bringing his beloved back.
SHO: I’ve been told this story when I was young and I remember admiring the music that was supposed to have swayed even the King of the Underworld’s heart.
SHO: I just remembered that suddenly.
RUKA: I feel like Sho-kun’s violin can shake the heart of the King of the Underworld, too~
SHO: No, no. I still have ways to go.
SHO: I think that the violin is something that I still have to learn for quite a long time.
SHO: It’s never-ending and it makes me feel a bit scared but, it has its own charm, too.
OUKA: It might be quite similar to the reason why I admire the universe.
OUKA: Something that we want to chase for an eternity.
RUKA: Ah, that kind of phrasing is perfect for my ideal stars!
RUKA: Something that we admire for eternity is something that we’d yearn for for a long time!
RUKA: Isn’t that cool~?
MAMIYA: I feel you. Though, it’d be a plus if I can make mine shorter.
MAMIYA: See? Just like those stars spreading above our heads right now.
MAMIYA: I can see them all the time and I feel like I can reach my hand out to them. They’re always watching over us.
MAMIYA: I was just thinking that it’d be nice if the fans thought of us like that, too.
OUKA: “Watching over” is so like you.
MAMIYA: Right?
SHO: Right now, we are the ones being watched over by the stars, huh?
SHO: Let’s continue to do our best so that we can become those kinds of admirable people~
RUKA: Yeah!
RUKA: (singing) ♪ Let’s go home, let’s go home~! I am the great Ruka-kun~! ♪
OUKA: Like I said, your voice is too loud.
MAMIYA: Alright, let’s sing together in a moderate tone then~
MAMIYA: Alright, Ouka, you too~!
OUKA: I won’t sing.
SHO: (chuckles) We’ll continue to make music that will shake your heart one day.
SHO: Beautiful and dazzling music just like the stars that’s dedicated for you.
==END==
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#tsukipro#vazzrock#rock down#vazzy#mamiya takaaki#kira ouka#onoda sho#nadumi ruka#drama cd#vazzrock translations#my translations#ouka and stars apparently make for a perfect image~!#if only i could draw i would draw it lol#queued post
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thoughts on stranger things three (spoilers. so many.)
this is just me yellin into the void as usual, but I like recording my opinions on things even if no one will read them
good:
- every single scene w/ the robin, steve, erica, dustin gang, especially!!! the coming out scene. scoops?? iconic. steve and dustin’s secret handshake? transcendent. the drugged out back to the future scene? perfect.
- eleven and max say fuck the patriarchy. love el’s new look
- more competent women is always a win
- funhouse fight!!! carnival fight!!!FIREWORKS??!??!
- the destruction of the mall (sadly the only anticapitalist symbolism I could find)
- the scene after jonathan and nancy get fired where they’re angry about their separate marginalized identities making this loss worse. I really liked how it went into the ways it will impact both of them, and I especially liked when nancy got home and talked to her mom.
- joyce going buckwild and getting shit done.
- the portrayal of hypervigilance as a symptom of PTSD. All of these characters have seen some shit, and all of them pick up on the littlest things the second they present themselves because subconsciously, they’re always on edge, always aware of bad it could break.
- most of will’s character arc. not all, but most of it. the queer experience of watching all your friends get dates and feeling like you’re missing out on something? trying to regain their interest because you feel lost and left behind? worrying that you’re not “growing up” because you don’t recognize romantic interest in yourself? not realizing you’re falling for your best friend until they get a romantic partner and suddenly you hate the partner even though they haven’t done anything wrong? a poignant, beautiful, very painful portrayal of queer teenhood. I really, really wish there was a moment that the audience realized will was in love with mike though. Like, it’s been building for a very long time. Also, a more thorough confirmation of will’s queerness would’ve been nice. I think they meant mike saying “you don’t understand bc you don’t like girls” to be that confirmation, but I want to hear it from will. Robin’s moment is so so so good though.
- domestic fuckery
- getting someone on the inside to help them/alexei as a character. not the symbolism or larger ramifications of his character arc, but how his knowledge and personality interacted.
- mr clarke!!!!
- el going into someone’s memories again
- how prepared everyone is to fight because they’ve seen this shit before and robin and erica are just like ‘this might as well happen’
- keeping with the stranger things pattern of having a bunch of different groups of people all in different genres and then together they all meet up and go ?????
- I know every says billy didn’t get enough of a redemption arc but tbh I did not see his character development as redeeming in any way and I liked that. It didn’t excuse his abusive actions, it just explained them. There was no “oh he was secretly good all along”, no dramatic total character reversal on his death bed, just him deciding that he had enough of being controlled. Max didn’t get full closure with him, he didn’t say some big speech about being wrong or realizing the ramifications of his actions bc he hadn’t reached that point yet. he just said “I’m sorry” and died. that could mean “i’m sorry for how I’ve treated you”, “I’m sorry for how many people I’ve killed”, “I’m sorry for not being able to stop the monster”, anything. we don’t know what it means. we don’t get an explanation. It speaks to how survivors of abuse often don’t get to know why, don’t get closure, don’t get all the answers.
- steve finally won a fight before getting the shit kicked out of him
- the whole no one knowing anything about each other bc no cell phones and/or wasnt there when It Happened.
- Erica getting the DND set was poetic cinema
- when joyce sees will on the firetruck and they run towards each other because finally, for once, will is completely unscathed, will isn’t the one who got hurt/possessed. I was already crying but this is the part where i had to get tissues bc I was sobbing.
Bad:
- the red scare bullshit and glorification of capitalism. this show started out as “the US govt is doing shady shit” and now the big climatic “everything’s alright” is the army getting there?? what the fuck. There’s being accurate to the time period and then there’s sending a message. they could’ve subverted that trope in so many ways, but they just went for straight up “capitalism is great! fuck russia!” and I hated that. also, talk about one-note villainry. there weren’t even any dramatic monologues to make up for it, it just kinda sucked.
- Hopper’s character in the beginning of the season. the scene where he gets wasted after getting stood up? shitty. not talking to el about his vaguely sexist overprotective actions? shitty. blowing up at joyce for no reason? shitty. he pulls it together in the end but it was OOC for a bit there. Plus I would kill for more “hopper and el work through their trauma together”, rather than “friend group splinters bc hopper did a yell”
- I don’t know what to think about hopper’s death. It just hurts, and not in a satisfying, last harry potter book way.
- why the fuck are the byers and el moving?????? did they ever give a reason???? WHY?????? WILL AND EL’S ENTIRE SUPPORT NETWORK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH AND CAN HELP THEM, IS IN HAWKINS!!!!!
- the ads. omg the ads. lucas idc about your fucking coke. there’s so much goddamn product placement. christ on a goddamn bicycle.
- previous seasons have had body horror, but it was all black goo so it was removed from reality and conveyed a psychological, otherworldly horror. and I liked that. WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH FUCJING MEAT IN THIS ONE??? THE MIND FLAYER LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF BBQ SAUCE AND I HATED IT!!! STOP!!!THE MEATS!!!!!
- can el not be injured......for oNCE?????
- also can people stop standing around staring at shit so much? theyve seen it before. it’s not like it’s a huge shock. people stand around for like 5 minutes before Doing Things and it annoys me. with the New Kids like erica and robin it makes sense but like....whenever theres a monster mike just sits there like :o cOME ON DUDE YOU’VE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES GET A KNIFE OR SOMETHIN!!!
- WHAT. WAS. THE GREEN STUFF?????????????????? IS IT FUCKING PLUTONIUM OR SOMETHING???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! IF YOU NEED A MACGUFFIN BE LESS OBVIOUS ABOUT IT!!!
- idk about you but murray yelling at them about sex kinda rubbed me the wrong way.
- speaking of, you caNNOT convince me that murray, 4 locks on the front door lives in a bunker murray, would take a goddamn enemy of the state to a carnival and leave him alone for any period of time. seriously????????
- look.....it was adorable.....i’ll give you that.....but.....the song dustin and suzy sang slapped me with secondhand embarrassment and genre disconnect so hard I found it impossible to enjoy. also...planck’s constant??? you could/......idk........call mr clarke????????? you’ve interrupted the man’s life for less!!!! I was also half expecting it to be joyce who remembered it from all the studying she did on the magnets. I did enjoy the whole “i met a girl at camp” story being unbelievable until it was but like I was expecting the thing she wanted him to say to be like a famous star wars love quote or something not an entire song jesus christ
- if hopper turns out to be alive I will face god and walk backwards into hell. I suffered through supernatural, I will not be caught in a cycle of fake deaths again.
- i get the whole “we’re growing up now” thing but aren’t they like 13? theyre still so young??? also like i dont rly care for the vague soap-opera-y vibes the core squad gave off.
- the only people who got flayed were either a. already pretty shitty or b. completely unknown. like. it just made it less scary????
- hopper just fucking standing by the machine looking at joyce instead of running the 5 seconds up the steps into the room. seriously? was that supposed to be slow motion or was that real time???
- the whole thing with cerebro not working at the beginning sucked ass.
- hey does mrs wheeler have eyes??? like??? there were exactly two (2) scenes she had with mike and nancy and both were Big Conversations like they live there right/????tbh i forgot she was their mom until those scenes bc of the whole billy thing, which i decidedly do not have an opinion on but like....do they eat breakfast there???
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