there are roughly 40 references to lee in this one lee drawing

Hii could you please write an imagine about a first date with Sonny? Like he's super nervous cause he really cares about you and wants to impress you and you think it's super cute but everything ends up going okay and you have lots of fun together 🥰

authors note: heyy, tysmm for your request. i also wanted to thank you for the support you've shown to my blog <3 i cant lie I'm not sure how I feel about this one but ik I'm overcritical of my own work but I really hope you enjoy this one.

word count: approx 1.4k words

warnings: none, pure fluff

_____________________________________

You may have been reserved around him, but your natural sense of humour and willingness to let loose won his heart over every time. When you smiled at him, he felt butterflies fluttering around his stomach. He hadn't known if you felt the same way about him until he finally asked you out, and you said yes. He remembered every detail of that day all too vividly.

"We should probably go out sometime or something".

"As in a date?" you raised your brows.

His shoulders shrugged, but the flush on his cheeks said everything. 

"Okay, why not" you replied, causing the boy to smile shyly

Now he was busy trying to decide where he would take you. He wanted it to be special and intimate. He wanted it just to be the two of you where you could enjoy each other's company. The location needed to be one where he wouldn't be easily spotted. Because he didn't want his fans or the media to have a field day, he was racking his brain for ideas when one suddenly hit him. 

Eventually, the day arrived, and Sonny picked you up, being careful to keep you relaxed and comfortable the entire time. He helped you into the car, where you saw a bouquet of roses waiting for you on the passenger seat. You quickly thank him, earning a sheepish smile in return. At the start of the drive, you don't talk much. You're adjusting to the new atmosphere of being in each other's presence with friendship far from your minds. 

"So, do you like your job at Spurs?" he breaks the silence.

"Yeah, it's nice, i’m grateful for the experience," you reply, and he smiles again. You see that he is nervously fumbling with his fingers. The urge to take his hand in yours is strong, but you hold back, not wanting to seem too forward. Unable to resist the urge, you reach over and take Son's hand, and he looks at both of our hands and smiles.

Once you both loosen up, the conversation starts flowing; about music, places you want to visit, places you've been, pets, mutual friends, and your loved ones.

Finally, arriving at your destination. You both started walking, but confusion masked your features as you didn't know what Sonny had planned. He then looks up at you and says, "It's a surprise!" and starts walking faster, full of excitement. After a while of walking, you could hear the grass crinkle beneath your feet. You wondered if Sonny planned a picnic or a night out under the stars. As you looked up into the sky, you saw a bright, colourful object slowly floating in the distance. It was a hot air balloon. You felt your heart beat faster as you watched it gracefully move across the sky. The sun's rays shone down on the balloon, making it glow; you were mesmerised by sight.

"Son, this is… I don't even know what to say."

"I went a little bit overboard. Isn't I wasn't sure what type of date you would enjoy. Is it too much?" He rubs the back of his neck nervously and turns away from you. You place a kiss on his cheek and shake your head at him.

"I like it. It's different. It's perfect."

His face lit up, holding more excitement than I had expected. 

With a big grin, he said, "Let's make it happen!" His energy was contagious, and I couldn't help but feel excited about what was to come. 

"Watch your step, y/n," Son warned as He guided your hand onto a rail. The fabric reminded me of woven straw. You felt the ground suddenly shift beneath your feet. You stumbled backwards slightly, but Son helped you regain your balance. He wrapped his arms around your waist.

Even after you regained your balance, Son continued to hold you. As you peered over his shoulder, it dawned on you that you were floating through the air in a hot air balloon. Your brown eyes widened and were filled with awe. You broke away from Son's arms and ran to the edge of the basket to admire the view. His expression relaxed as a smile spread across your face. You leaned out of the basket slightly to see the landscape below. Still not believing that he had booked the balloon ride.

In between sips of wine and delicious food, you talk about anything and everything that comes to mind. You spend most of the night laughing and telling stories to one another. You can't get enough of his smile, and you feel like you would do or say anything to keep that smile on his face.

You stand to take another look at the scenery but instead stumble onto his lap.

You look into his eyes, and for a second, you forget about the world around you. You were suddenly very aware of your surroundings, especially how your back was pressed up against the body behind you. His hands gripped your arms, and you noticed the little beauty mark on his right eye as you looked up before slowly sliding out of his grasp.

"Maybe we shouldn't move too much ?" You suggested as you walked over to collect a glass of wine, handing it back to him sheepishly. You saw the smile on his face and watched as his nose scrunched and he started to laugh. You could feel your ears and cheeks flush with embarrassment. Still, you couldn't help but think his laugh was incredibly attractive, and the more you thought about it, the more you could feel yourself becoming drawn to him. Light laughter filled the balloon, and you couldn't help but join in, the two of you standing there, smiling and giggling like a pair of schoolchildren.

"You know your laugh is probably the most precious thing I have ever heard ?" He blushes and looks away from you.

You were relieved that you agreed to go out with Sonny. His proposal is still fresh in your mind.

 You saw his normally soft features contort into expressions of what could only be described as nerves. Heung Min, Son.

 A man who shines brighter than the sun. A man with a smile that could light up a room and make anyone feel instantly at ease. Yet, concern had replaced his usual expression on this day.

"We should probably go out sometime or something." His eyes barely held onto yours, his anxious state causing him to look down at his feet. 

"As in a date?"

He shrugged it off, but the flush in his cheeks said it all.

You were deep in thought when he interrupted to confess., "I've liked you for a while — kind of struggling to believe that you actually said yes." He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and smiled nervously at her.

"Did you really think I wouldn't? You smiled, and the flush on his cheeks deepened.

His eyes widened as he admitted, "I was terrified." To be honest, I'm surprised I was able to ask you out at all." 

"I'm glad you did. His face broke out in a relieved smile, and he looked away, embarrassed by his own admission. 

"Look at that view. It's beautiful," you said, leaning over the hot air balloon.

The sun is slowly setting, painting the sky in a spectrum of pastel colours. As the balloon rises higher and higher, a gentle breeze teases the colourful fabric of the balloon. In the basket below, you can feel the warmth of the hot air as it pushes the balloon higher and higher. The air is filled with the smell of burning fuel and the sound of the balloon's burner filling the balloon with hot air. You can feel the excitement of being so high above the ground, with nothing but the wide open sky above. As you reach the highest point of the journey, you can look down to see the ground below, the houses, the trees, and the roads, all looking small from such a great height. The feeling of freedom is overwhelming, and you can't help but smile as you savour this moment. He followed your gaze, allowing himself to enjoy the beautiful scenery for a moment.

He wishes he could capture this moment forever. The free smile on your face as you take in the view. The way the wind played through your dark hair, and Son couldn't help but feel envious of a simple breeze. Sonny moved to stand behind you. He straightened your hair and tucked the stray pieces behind your ear.

"So beautiful," Sonny thought, watching the strands of your hair lightly fall back into place. 

12, 18 and 22 for fanfic asks!

12. do you have a playlist for your current wip(s)? share it!

technically the shared ladrien knight/prince playlist i made with @hanaasbananas and @apopcornkernel should count as the playlist for my lkp series, even though its not as accurate to my specific interpretation of it (partly cause we went overboard and made it like 6 hours long & i haven’t edited it down since, and partly cause most of the properly relevant songs have been removed by spotify in the months since they were added so it simply cant be accurate anyway </3) but like. at least it exists

18. what’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

It creeps up on him slowly, the realisation that this night feels sacred only because he has spent it in her presence.

from for all the moon’s beauty. something about ladrien knight/prince is so 🥰

22. do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

it honestly depends on the fic! most of the time i’ll have a pretty good idea of a beginning middle and end outlined before i start properly writing, but sometimes the idea a scene is so good i’ll start writing it and see where it goes, and let myself figure out a good ending later. and sometimes the end result is very warped compared to the original idea, because i’ve had multiple ideas that take one scene as a base and branch off in very different directions. but recently i have been going more with the flow and trying not to worry about the idea that i need everything planned out to the last detail lmao

fic writer asks

Hi Sara, happy anniversary and congrats! I love your work so much and i look forward to all of your future pieces!

Could i request prompt 87 “guess i’ll have to cum inside you then” + either yuuji or megumi? Idk i cant decide but my breeding kink is flooding my brain with obscenities and I wanna be used. 😂❤️

thank you!! Been thinking about Megumi for a while now so I went with him I hope that's okay! Also went hella overboard with this one <3

megumi x reader

"guess i'll have to cum inside you then"

warnings: smut, 18+ content, semi public sex, hair pulling, thigh fucking, mirror sex, unprotected sex, breeding, rough megumi, no foreplay, teasing, biting

word count: 2k

"I don't have a condom." 

The last thing on Megumi's mind was a measly condom. He couldn't care less about the stupid rubber, only wanting to have his cock buried deep inside you. He was a mess of hands and sloppy kisses as he dove beneath your skirt. 

It wasn't fair of you to tease him all day with such a short skirt and pouty lips and yet you had accomplished exactly what you wanted. He agreed to go to the mall with you, dragging along to every store with the only thought on his mind being if you were wearing underwear beneath that pathetically short skirt. 

Within the hour he had enough of your teasing grazes and lustful eyes. The next store you had entered, he shoved a random piece of clothing into your hands and urged you into the change rooms. The door was locked behind him, all care for the outside world gone with it. Whether or not the workers would come knocking or they heard the sloppy sounds your cunt would be making, he wouldn't stop until he was satisfied. 

"I fucking knew it," he moaned into you. He was never met with the material of your underwear, just your slick folds. "You planned this, didn't you? Wanted me to fuck you in the middle of the mall like a needy little slut, right?" 

"And if I did?" you grinned. His lips curled with annoyance, even if you had he still played right into your hands. Of course, it was what you wanted from him. You loved to see his cheeks turn pink until he'd finally had enough to take action. 

Megumi spun you around. Your hands were placed on either side of the mirror. The skirt you wore was flipped up, exposing your bare ass to him. You could watch his every reaction in the mirror, just as he could yours. Something about it was so undeniably hot, even more so with the lingering thought of getting caught. 

"And you didn't bring a condom either? You're just begging for me to cum inside you." 

Megumi slid his pants halfway down his thighs, not even bothering to remove them fully. His cock ached too badly to care. He pumped himself a few times, sure that if he got too caught up in it that he would cum onto your ass instead. 

With your thighs pressed together, he slid his length between them, far enough that you could see the tip emerging between your thighs in the mirror you stood before. He parted your folds, allowing his cock to feel the heat and wetness coming from you as he thrusted himself between your thighs.

"Maybe I should just fuck you like this instead. How about I just use you to get myself off and leave you all needy for the rest of the day, how does that sound?" Megumi sadistically grinned. He fucked your thighs, coating himself in your juices but not giving you nearly enough pleasure to even consider cumming. 

He groaned in your ear, showing off how good he could make himself feel while ignoring your feelings entirely. You couldn't help but watch his length disappear between your thighs before emerging again. The tip you so loved to give attention to was flared red with desire, slick with precum and your own mess. 

"No, please, 'gumi, want to be fucked properly," you pleaded. Big doe eyes stared at him in the mirror, begging for him to fill you up. His big hand fisted in your hair, pulling you upright so your back was against his chest. The harshness of his tug resonated at your scalp, nearly causing you to yelp out if it weren't for his other hand clamping over your mouth. 

"You're going to have to be quiet if you want me to fuck you, okay? Gotta be a good girl for me or we're going to have to leave, understand?" He met your eyes in the reflection of the mirror. You nodded as best as you could with his hold on you. Megumi kissed your neck once before letting you fall back to your original position. 

He arched your back further, tits suddenly becoming visible in the mirror as you were nearly bent in half. Megumi kicked your ankles apart until your legs were spread to his own preference. You were glad the dressing room was somewhat private. The door went down to the floor and there were no gaps that would allow one of the workers to know what was going on within. 

"mmm, I'm so glad you get to watch yourself," Megumi lined himself up with your slit. He always loved the face you made when he pushed himself in, and now you could to enjoy the same view he did each time. Your lip got pulled between your teeth as you tried to keep quiet. He'd given you no preparation, nothing besides the sudden stretch of your walls from his girth.

 "Doesn't my baby look pretty?" He couldn't tell which view he liked the most - your facial expressions or the way he disappeared inside your tight hole. "Sucking me in so much." 

He's already so sensitive from the thoughts running through his mind, picturing this exact moment and you're so tight that it's overwhelming for him. His hands are tight at your waist, grinding your ass against him as he bottoms out. Megumi watches as you try everything in your power to hold back your moans, he knows how desperately you want to let them out. 

He pulls out, just barely, just enough for him to jam the fat head of his dick into your sweet spot again and again until your knees are weakening and he's gotta use his strength to hold you up properly. He barely even needs to move inside you to turn you into a mess. 

"Harder," you choke out. Megumi tsks at your request, you're already threatening your cover with the sounds you make and you want more? Maybe you don't truly remember where you are or maybe you simply just don't care enough. "Please, 'Gumi, harder." 

You meet his eyes again. It's all he needs to give in. He steps forward, pushing you along with him until your tits are pressed against the mirror and he's able to encase your hands with his. You can feel the heat radiating from him, even through the layers of your clothing. 

"You're being greedy," he points out. His lips are wet on your neck - you'd rather them be on your own lips but he's right, you are being greedy. 

You're ready to beg for him, to get everything from him, and there's a knock at your change room door. It's just a staff member, no older than the two of you asking how the clothes are fitting. 

"Answer," he whispers. Megumi's kissing whatever bare skin in his reach as he waits for you to respond to the retail worker. It's so hard to focus on someone else when his cock is stretching your walls and you're sure your slick is dripping down your legs. 

"Good, thank you," you mustered out. She can probably hear the strain in your voice or the heavy breathing coming from your boyfriend but she doesn't say anything about it. 

Megumi smirks slightly. His hips are pulled back before slamming back into you as quietly as possible. You can hear the woman still outside your change room and your lip nearly bleeds with how hard you're trying to stop your moan. He does it again and again until you're biting into the nearest piece of skin you can reach - which just happens to be his arm encasing you. 

The footsteps receded until you're sure you're alone again. You're thankful the store is dead and that no one else was using the change rooms. Even if you've managed to muffle your sounds, as needy and slutty as they were, his body is loud against yours.

Megumi gives you what you wanted, harder. His fat cock was heavy as it stuffed your hole, slick with your wetness. He's so deep with every snap of his hips it feels like you're choking on it. He's almost ashamed he wanted to do it when the woman was right outside the room. Almost ashamed that he wanted her to hear how good he fucks you. 

"Is this what you wanted, baby?" He nudged your head with his to get your attention. He's met with glassy eyes and swollen lips. "Awe, baby, is it too much for you? Want me to stop?"

"No!" You're almost too loud. He gives you a harsh look telling you to be quiet. "No, please. I'll be good, just want you to cum." 

"Want me to cum?" He cocked an eyebrow. "My baby doesn't care about cumming, just wants to be stuffed with my cum, is that it? Don't worry, I'll give it to you after you cum. Can you do that for me?" 

He doesn't give you the opportunity to respond before the breath is taken from your lungs. Megumi's hand leaves yours, dropping between your legs where he's got access to your most sensitive area. His fingers are rough on your clit, circling it harshly as he fucks you deep. 

You can feel your legs giving out, thighs threatening to shake as he prods at the spot he knows so well each time. You're forced to cover your mouth with your hand so the moans won't spill out - Megumi's struggling to keep quiet too. You can hear how heavy his breathing is, both from the exertion and the pleasure. 

Your head drops with the build-up in your lower stomach. If it weren't for his hand over yours, you're sure your arm would be too weak to hold you up. 

"Ah, look at me when you cum," he orders. Weakly, you lift your head to meet his eyes in the mirror. It's such a beautiful sight for him, one that he gets to see so often and yet not enough. "That's it, now cum for me." 

You do. Oh god, you do. Your teeth are clenched so hard trying to keep quiet that your jaw aches and the hand over your mouth is covered in your own drool. Megumi watches your eyes try and rollback. Your walls spasm around him, urging his own orgasm to follow directly with yours. 

You're gripping him so tightly it's nearly impossible to stop his release, even if he didn't want to pump you full. 

Megumi's teeth are in your shoulder, even through the layer of clothing you wear you can feel the sharp canines. You don't mind it, not when you know how loud he can get when you're cumming around him. He fucks you through your high, even though it's just to ensure every drop of him is deep inside you. 

He falls into you, both of you leaning against the foggy mirror as you try to catch your breath. Part of you wants to feel guilty about what you just did, fucking shamelessly in a dressing room while innocent people were just trying to get paid. The other half of you couldn't care less, only caring about the way his length was still nestled inside you and holding in all his cum. 

You whimpered as he pulled himself from you, hating the feeling of being empty once again. Drops of his cum and your own creamy mess covered him. He gave your cunt a light tap, grinning at the consequences you would have to face. 

"Not wearing any underwear, baby. Looks like you have to keep in every drop until we're finished shopping or everyone is going to see what I gave you." 

@ob-levi-on @babymoses @cyancherub @subtleappreciation @ryanssance  @ivoryeycs @itachissharingan  @satosuguslut @aces-high

40 for the ask thing :D not sure if we're allowed to add more to it but id love it if it was the dteam. if not all good!

Yes, thank you for the prompt! Yeah, for these, you cant be as detailed or as minimal as you want; all I ask for is a pairing and a prompt number, which you gave me :] Thanks again for the prompt and I hope you enjoy! (I may have gone a bit overboard haha...)

I made this sort of a pet au, and this is going to a be a bit angsty at first, but then I'll add in some fluff :D I made Sapnap the giant in here because he definitely seems like the type to be overly enthusiastic and unaware of how the tinies were actually feeling.

Prompt list can be found here! Please send more in, I’d love to write some more :]]

Warnings for: Dehumanization, referring to a person as 'it,' treating people like pets, swearing, fear

Word Count ~ 1250

--------A Bit More Human--------

Sapnap shifted the tiny beings in his hands, leg bouncing in excitement as he observed them. He had bought them earlier that day. They were a new oddity that the world had recently discovered and he'd decided to buy both of them, seeing as it seemed to cause the other distress when he grabbed the one in blue.

"You guys are so cool!" His voice was loud, and he didn't notice how they flinched in his hands. His eyes darted to the one in a green cloak as it moved a bit. "Let me get you guys back in your cage real quick and I'll get something to play with you guys."

He walked briskly over to his cage and slid the two of them off into the cage, which was lined with the shredded material found in hamster cages. The beings pulled at their collars nervously as he grabbed the harnesses to attach the leash to.

He turned away to make sure the harness and leash were properly connected and looked back at the sound of a small click. He locked his gaze with the one in blue, who froze, its hands holding the green collar.

Without thinking, Sapnap shot his hand out, wrapping it around the one in blue and dragging it through the air to be closer to his eyes. He reached out his other hand to grab the collar out of its hand, but didn't make it that far.

"GEORGE!" The voice was full of fear and desperation.

Sapnap froze, lowering that other hand as he looked around in confusion. His gaze rested on the other tiny, in the cage. It looked pale all of a sudden, and it scrambled back as Sapnap leaned closer. It seemed to hesitate before it stiffly took a step closer.

"Please put him down. Don't hurt him." The voice pleaded and Sapnap's brain short-circuited, staring blankly at the tiny being. At the lack of response, the being's pleading grew more intense and desperate. "Please, it was my idea, I'll put it back on, just please don't hurt him."

Sapnap finally registered everything and was flooded with a sense of overwhelming guilt. He placed the one in blue back into the cage, pulling out his phone numbly. He dialed Bad, the other greeting him with a cheery tone.

"Bad, I fucked up."

"Hey, language!" His friend chastised, but then his mind must have caught up because it was followed by, "Oh, wait, what happened? Are you okay?"

"It's just, I got those new tiny things as pets, except apparently they're able to.. Uh, I don't know. They were skittish when I bought them, but..." He sighed, dragging a hand down his face. "I didn't know they were actually afraid of me..."

"Oh, Sapnap.." The voice on the other end was sympathetic. "Are they still in the room with you?"

"Yeah..." He glanced over at the two, noting how they were watching him intently. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Then talk with them," Bad encouraged, "and try to make this better, okay? Call me if you need anything, you muffinhead."

"Bad, what-" The call went silent and he lowered his phone, kneeling slowly in front of the cage. It was one where the lid came off, so he was still staring through the bars. He noticed how they were shifting constantly, the one in blue's hands on his collar.

They were people. Sapnap felt sick, wishing he'd noticed beforehand. He opened his mouth to speak, licking his lips as they suddenly felt dry.

"I, um.. You can take that off." He pushed away the extra guilt that come from the expression of disbelief on that tiny face. It looked so human and he couldn't believe he hadn't connected the dots sooner. "I'm really sorry, and, oh!"

The tinies jumped at the increase in volume, huddling closer as the other collar slipped off and cringing as Sapnap removed the front wall of the cage. He backed away a few steps.

"You don't have to forgive me," he began with, heart pounding, "but I'm really sorry I scared you. And like, bought you. And, uh, didn't treat you like people." Silence met him, and he cleared his throat slightly. "You don't have to stay here either, but I promise if you do, you won't be, like, pets or anything."

"Um," That was the one with the blue one, and Sapnap was shocked to hear a different accent then the other's. "You're going to let us go?"

Sapnap's heart felt heavier as he nodded. He knew that they didn't have to forgive him, but he'd hoped that they would anyway. But, regardless, he'd keep his word.

He was met with relieved smiles from both of them, and he offered a tense one in reply. The two stepped forward slowly, looking around and realizing that they were high up. Sapnap realized this too, and he reached for them without thinking.

He froze as he was met with startled yelping, quickly bringing his hand close to his body.

"Sorry! Sorry..." He felt humiliation and shame course through him and he felt his face redden. He just kept messing up. "I was just going to move you somewhere you could move easier, um," he slowly moved his hand to rest palm up near them, ignoring how they scrambled away, "does this work?"

The one in green looked up at him through eyes that seemed to be weighing their options. He whispered to the one in blue before they both nodded and stepped closer to his hand. He noted their hesitation and tried to hold as still as possible as they started to finally step on.

He was careful as he slowly brought the hand up to his chest, other hand hovering nearby in case something happened. He tensed a bit as he took a step and felt the two lean against his chest.

"Um, where do you guys wanna go?"

"The kitchen." The one in green said, glancing up at him and watching carefully. "Just like, on the counter or something."

Sapnap looked a bit surprised but he didn't comment on it, simply nodding and taking careful, steady steps toward the kitchen. Before long, they were there and h place his hand on the counter for them to get off.

"Wait, um, before you go," Sapnap said, feeling a bit guilty at the way they froze. He was quick to shake his head slightly as he continued, "I, um, it's nothing crazy, and I'm not going to bother you or anything after this, so you'll never have to deal with me if you don't want to, but could I at least know your names? I'm Sapnap."

A moment passed. Then another. The two on the counter exchanged a look and seemed to have a silent conversation before they responded.

"I'm Dream." The one in green said slowly, as if he was gauging Sapnap's reaction. When the latter simply gave a small nod and smile, he continued. "And he's George."

"Nice to meet you, uh, this way, I guess." Sapnap straightened himself, feeling oddly huge and out of place in front of them. He turned to leave, but was stopped by the accented voice-George.

"You won't try to catch us or anything?"

Sapnap glanced over his shoulder with an earnest half-smile. "Nope."

He ignored the feeling of warmth and hope he got in his chest when he heard "See you around then, Sapnap." and knew that he'd have a chance to make everything okay.

Rabbit iiiiiii

Ending.

Want a chapter two? Let me know!

Draco finds a Hufflepuff attempting to cheat. He torments her, keeps her under his wing becoming possessive , unsure of his feelings. After turning Reader into a Rabbit he realizes how much of an ass he was. But now hes in Azkaban for his crimes.

A/n. Okay. So i asked Multiple people. “What happens in Azkaban?” They all said “you sit in a cell.” And im sitting here like. “I cant write that.” So THIS is what i came up with. I hope its okay :/.

W! Mind games, self injury(scratching), fear of going insane, Draco gets kicked and punched around.

@khemz1312 @goofygobber @rosiehufflepuff @trashyvicks

“Cheers love”

Draco said once you vanished from his sights, he never thought the twins would help you come see him, or anyone for that matter. Of all people, he was not exactly the most loved at Hogwarts. The man looked both ways down the very long hallway not seeing anything except for darkness. At least no one would bother him while he was thinking.

He made his way back to his spot under the window to think about his actions; maybe he went a little overboard with how he handled catching you. But a teacher? That's not as fun. Draco looked down at his hands counting the cuts all over them, he had the most on his palms and around his fingers. He was very roughed up, as soon as he got here the dementors were not very kind to him. Draco blinked his eyes feeling sleepy and slightly cold. He rolled his eyes leaning back on the wall reminiscing the time he turned you into a rabbit.

You were so cute like that; so little, curious, fit right in his pocket. Dracos hands fell to his sides and his eyes started to close. You had gotten used to him when you were a rabbit…

So tired…

When he got out Draco wanted to master the spell to change humans back whenever so he could turn you into a rabbit again. If you let him of course, he laid down on his side, holding himself.

Fading….

His father.. What would he do about that? Obviously he could not take you home . Maybe a flat of his own would be better. And that shop? It made him smirk as his eyes started to close. Cute..

Footsteps could be heard and they were getting closer now. It woke Draco up from his slumber which he was not happy about. The one time he was actually getting some sleep in this place.

“Dinner already?’ he asked, in a condescending tone as he got up to rest his back against the wall. “Is it more than bread today?”

The cell opened and closed after the figure stepped in. Draco scrambled to his feet with wide surprised eyes,“..Father?”

“Not the best cell.. But it suits you.” the man said, dusting the dirt off his clothes.

“What are you doing here? Who let you in?”

“I'm here because I have unpleasant news for you.” he took off his gloves while he spoke.

“..news?” Draco stepped over to his father.

“That girl you turned into a rabbit is dead.”

“..she… shes ……….” Draco went as far as the chain would let him to his father. His ankle was straining against the cold tight cuff link. “H..ho-w…”

“Quiddich”

“What?.. But she doesn't fly! She doesn't have a broom!” the man grabbed his fathers coat shaking it, asking him multiple questions just for Lucious to throw him off and kick him away from him. Draco hit the cold brick wall on his side in the corner. He held his head trying to process this , he was hurting inside and out.

“They needed one more , and you were not there so I suggested...”

Draco glared over at his Father, who looked rather proud of himself. His hands went to his hair white knuckling them. “You…”

“She didn't last long, it was a waste.” Lucious stepped to his son grabbing his chin so he was looking at him. “And to think she would still be alive if you just left her alone”

“Its not my fault!” Draco shoved his father just for him to strike him down into the cell floor. “Get your hands off me boy, remember who your authority is. “

“Shes dead because of you!, shes.. !!! …………………..” Draco felt very cold all of a sudden, looking down he saw that his hand was fading as if it was getting sucked up by something.

“Wait.. Azkaban would never let you come into the cell…” Draco stumbled up, hitting the wall to steady himself. “They wouldn't.. Your not my father! Get out you bloody dementor!!!”

“Draco dont you know your own father?”

“Shut up! I know my father and thats not you!”

“Pity, enjoy your time here.” the figure of Lucious faded and Draco woke up in a very cold sweat. He was still laying down under the window, no one was with him in the cell and his body ached.

“Dementors.. “ slowly he got up moving to the corner to hug his knees. “Do your bloody worst, im Draco ffffffucking Malfoy.”

It won't be the last time the Dementors mess with Draco… they were determined to break him. Throughout the two years he was there you had not come to see him again except that one time the twins helped you. Draco told you now to bother the twins so you didn't. Fred and George did try to cheer you up though as much as they could. They even got a hold of Dracos old robes that they gave to you. It helped but you wanted the real thing. Him.The carrot cravings went away after a couple weeks which was nice. You did not need to carry a bag of the produce with you anymore.

Hufflepuff was still weary of you and Slytherin were still jerks. The Ravenclaws sympathized with you and you found comfort in them when you needed it. You wanted to visit him, see if he was okay. But all you could do was hope and stare out your window at the moon knowing he was looking at the same one ..

Two years later.

“You killed me”

“Shhhuut up….”

“Im dead, because of you.”

“...”

“Do you ever wonder? What could you have done differently? Acted in a more.. Reasonable way?”

“Your not .rrr.-re-al..”

“Not anymore, my time on this earth has ended. Because of you Draco”

Draco ran into the bars punching at them, blood was dripping from them now. The figure of you faded away right as he got to them to reappear in the cell next to him now. “Your not real..” he said again.

“Treated me like an animal, toyed with me..-” he swung at the dementor watching it fade away then reappear. “I was just a hufflepuff, an innocent girl.” Draco shook his head but the thoughts just got louder and louder.

“Dead”

“Dead”

“Gone”

“Killed”

“Stay here”

“...with me, let's be together” you held out a rotted hand to the shaking man. “Be like me”

Draco had been tormented by these dementors at least 3 times a week ever since his ‘father’ had come to see him. Day in and day out for at least 6 hours a day a dementor came to him as you to try to get Draco to crack.

The first time he almost fell for it, but he quickly realized it was not you. You were not a crying mess trying to touch him and you could not float….

But still seeing your figure hurt him, your body was made to look dead to cause even more damage to the man which it did. All he could do was endure and think about you, the real you. It was all he had to hold on to. He told himself when he spent his first night here that he would be okay, he would make it out fine.

But now hes crying on the floor at least twice a week with new bruises, cuts, and a giant headache. He fully knew how awful he was to you now, he had to apologize properly. That motivated him to fight, along with keeping you safe from his father. He would get out, he would be okay.

“...b-b-b-e like you?”

“Yes Draco, like me. Lets be together, lets get out of here.”

“Get .. out..”

“Yes , lets get-”

“No, you get out. Get out of my cell, get out of my head just GET OUT!, ill never go with you! Your not real and your NOT HER!” he stepped back, tripping over his feet and grabbing the cell bars to steady himself. His clothes by now were tattered and his dirty dark blond hair was in a pony tail. The cuts on his face turned to scars and his nails were bloody from him scratching at his itchy skin . Everytime he swung at the dementor it would fade out leaving traces of itself on the man making him freak out and scratch at his own skin till they turned purple.

The dementor faded through the bars down the hallway and Draco sunk down to his knees scratching at his arms trying to free himself of the lingering black smoke.

“Rabbit… “ Draco choked in a big breath glancing over at the small window to see the moon shining in on him. “Ill get out.. Ill be okay. We will be okay……………………….”

A few days later a man had come to Dracos cell. He unlocked the old door letting it swing open. The man stepped to the side gesturing to the hallway and Draco looked up from his hand to see Snape looking in at him.

“Hurry up, its filthy in here.”

“How is she….”

“Why don't you see for yourself? Do i look like a owl?”

“More like an over dramatic snake.” Draco slowly got up limping to his old professor who helped steady him.

“Im glad your okay, Malfoy.”

Draco rolled his shoulders and cracked his very purple bloody knuckles. “Of course i am”

Meanwhile, those two years you had graduated and opened up your own shop with the help of Fred and George. They pulled some strings and found an empty building you could sell potions in. it was a small building but you liked it.

The Wet Nose it was called. With little bunny decorations all over the inside and on the sign, the sign was your favorite. It had a little bunny looking over the sign with its ears down. You tried to make it apparent you were here so Draco could find you.. All you could do was wait now..

Draco had left Azkaban with Snape , showered, eaten , and dressed in real clothes. He was in clean black pants with a matching suit top with awhite shirt underneath and black shoes. His face was still heavily scared and his knuckles were starting to slowly heal. The scratches on his arms would not heal though. They would stay that way for a really long time. He worried if you would still want him like this. He also kept his hair long , just past his neck he liked it. Draco was not completely free of the dementors, he could still hear them in his head from time to time. Whispering things for him to come back and what not. He always had to shake his head and they would go away for the time being.

Snape had dropped him off at Diagon Alley as he requested. Before he left he got out of the car to give Draco one final word.

“Malfoy”

“What? Which way am i going?”

The man rolled his eyes and pulled Draco in for a one arm hug, even though draco loathed this. The poor man fought and cursed, slipping free of this unwanted affection.

“The bloody hell was that?”

“Go down this way, on the left.”

“Fantastic but what was-” he slapped him on the head.

“Oww!!! What gives?”

“Thats, for barging into my classroom.” and with that he left.

“Barging into my classroom” mocked the man fixing his hair.

Draco wasted no time getting to your shop. He found it easily and just stared at the sign. He was scared. Terrified, would you still want him… you said you would wait for him.. But.. the way he looks. He shook his head, making the dementors stop. “No. she will, she waited all this time. She will.”

Ring ring!! The bell on the door went off once Draco opened the door. The first thing that got his attention was the many smells coming from all over the room. All the windows were open with plants sitting in them . He had to make his way to the back where the register was, passing all types of potions a variety of colors. When he finally went to it he saw a little brown rabbit sitting on the counter wiggling its nose. The rabbit tilted its head at Draco and the man did the same.

“Biscuit? Is someone here? And you didn't ring them up you silly animal” you joked coming from the back room up to the counter.

You looked up from the rabbit to see Draco standing there, his smile slumped and he had his mouth half open. He was in awe. It was really you. The real you. Quickly he fixed himself and his smile went all the way up his face, the man stepped closer with a happy, relieved tone.

“Hey, Rabbit”

“Imagine your girlfriend, Casey, finding out that you have been injured in a school shooting.”

Warnings: School shooting, blood, injuries, death, if I’ve missed anything please let me know and I will alter this. 

My dudes. This got long, I kinda went a bit overboard. Whoops. 

Based on this request: “Anonymous asked: Hey! I read you r doing Caseyxfem!reader could I also request one? Maybe where Casey’s gf is a teacher and there’s a school shooting happening where she unintentionally got involved in and maybe svu is sent there bc it’s Casey’s gf and they try to keep the info from Casey but she finds out, arrives at the scene as well. Casey’s gf tries to negotiate with the shooter bc she’s learned a thing or two from svu and Casey but still ends up getting hurt ? & so on ofc. That’d be so awesome! :)”

________________________________________________________________

You had read the articles, you had heard the news stories, but nothing could have prepared you to go through this yourself. Looking around the room and seeing the shocked faces looking back at you, silently asking you what they should do, your heart broke. You knew this was a situation where you had to act fast so you rounded your desk and told the scared children exactly what to do, keeping your voice low and authoritative. 

“To the back of the classroom now, stay down, and stay quiet.” 

Turning towards the door, you saw a figure walking down the hall with a steady pace, not hurrying, but keeping their head on a swivel looking for people in their way. You locked the door and slid to the floor, praying that help would come soon. 

Your day had started like a normal day, waking up to your girlfriend reminding you to eat before you ran out of the apartment. 

You made it up the steps and to your classroom well before the first bell and spent that time helping the kids that came in to get assistance before classes started. 

You had been a teacher in this high school for about four years now and you loved it. Being an outlet for the kids, a confidant, a friend, that was your favorite part. 

Today was shaping up to be a normal day, you, of course had the normal shenanigans, kids not paying attention, looking at their phones thinking that you couldn’t see it. 

Second block is when you heard the first noise. A singular Pop! followed momentarily by four more. Your mind immediately thought it was a prank, firecrackers lit in a trash can, but then you heard a scream. 

________________________________________________________________

The calls came in to SVU minutes after the scream happened. One minute the squad room was quiet and still, the next every phone was ringing, every single one a crying teenager or a scared parent. 

“Captain, we have another one, shooter at the high school. They’re reporting at least ten to twenty shots now.” Finn called out. 

“Ok, we need to get down there. Now. Vests on. Perp will be armed, won’t go down without a fight.” Cragen said as he walked into the room already pulling her bulletproof vest on. 

“Hey, isn’t this the one that Y/N works at?” Elliot asked and the room went still again as everyone looked at Captain Cragen. 

After a moment, Cragen gaze got serious, “Not a word to Casey, we will tell her when we know more.”

And with those instructions, the SVU squad went down to the vehicles and made their way to the high school. 

________________________________________________________________

When you had heard the footsteps pass your door, you made your way to a window and carefully opened it. Ushering your kids to the window, you stepped back to the door and used your body to block it, hoping it would be enough for your kids to get out and get to a safe place across or down the street. 

When the last of your kids was out, you slowly got out and made your way to the window. 

All of a sudden, a few loud bangs sounded behind you and you scrambled to make your way behind your desk as the door swung open and footsteps walked in. You peeked your head above the desk to see who was in your room. You recognized them immediately.

“Jesse?” You asked as you ducked back behind the desk, “Jesse, what’s going on? Why are you doing this?”

You  couldn’t hear any movement, so you stuck you hands up and assured the student, “Jesse, I’m going to stand up now, I just want to talk to you ok?” 

As you stood up, you looked at the student in front of you, trying to stay strong and remember what you had heard from Casey and the r4est of the SVU squad when it came to these situations. 

“Jesse, this can end right now, you can stop this.” 

The student looked at you, gun lowered. You saw the vulnerability in their eyes, and then, just like that, the resolve hardened and they leveled the gun directly at you. 

________________________________________________________________

Liv and the squad got to the school and got prepared to go in as cops surrounding the building prepared to escort the students and help those who had been injured. 

Right before the team was about to go into the school, they heard a voice shout out.

“Olivia! Olivia!” the red head ADA shot a look at the cop holding her behind the blockade. “Let me through right now, I need to be in there.” 

Looking at Liv, Casey braced herself against the blockade, “Olivia, tell him to let me through, right now!” 

Liv ran over to the cop, “She’s with us, let her through.”

“Olivia, what happened. Is everyone ok?  Have you heard from Y/N?” Casey shot off questions, her normally composed facade shattered, the worry prominent in her eyes. 

“Casey, I need you to breathe-”

“Do not tell me to breathe! The woman I love is in there with an active shooter, you do not-” Casey broke into sobs as she faltered in her steps, tripping forward, “tell me.. to.. breathe!” 

Liv’s arms wrapped around Casey’s shoulders and she held her for a moment. “Casey, I’m going in with the team. Promise me you will stay out here until we get the all clear.” Liv looked at a cop by them, “Stay with her and do not let her come in.”

The cop nodded and Olivia joined the team and they went into the school ready to do what was necessary. 

________________________________________________________________

You had to keep them talking, that was the thought going through your head. You still had the gun trained on you, but you had gotten closer and gotten Jesse to talk. Apparently, they had been bullied, picked on, made to felt useless. They just wanted everyone to understand what it felt like, to feel like nothing. 

“Jesse, I understand. But I promise you, it gets better.” You said, nodding at them, you hoped the smile on your face was reassuring and not showing the fear that you were trying to keep under wraps. 

“No!” Jesse gestured the gun towards you. “Everyone says it will get better, but it hasn’t! Not in the last three years. It will never get better. It will always be like this.” 

You flinched when they moved the gun, “No, Jesse, it does. I was bullied all throughout middle and high school, and I’m here, I made it. You can too. I just need you to put the gun down and we can get you out of here.” 

Jesse stayed silent.

“Jesse please, you can do this.” You took another step towards Jesse, keeping your hands up and looking at them with soft eyes. 

All of a sudden, Jesse took a step toward you and grabbed your arm, pulling you close to them with the gun pressed against your side. “You’re right, we can get out of here.”

________________________________________________________________

As Olivia and the rest of the squad made their way through the school, they cleared the building room by room. They tried to keep a level head as they saw a few bodies on the floor, most of them were just injured, but there were a few that were already gone. 

Olivia was reporting a room clear and telling those outside the body count when a door ahead of them opened. All of their guns trained on the sound as a woman walked out with a teenager behind them. 

“Y/N, are you ok? Who is that behind you?” Elliot asked.

You nodded stiffly, “I’m fine guys, this is Jesse, and we would really like to just get out of here, ok?”

Olivia shook her head, “ I’m sorry Y/N, Jesse, we cant let you do that.”

Jesse moved the gun to your head, “I don’t think you understand, you will let me out of here, or Ms. Y/L/N is going to die. You’ve seen the others, you know I’ll do it!”

Olivia nodded and released the grip of her gun, placing it in her holster, nodding at the others, they all put there guns away as well. “Ok, you can go, but just so you know, if you walk out that door, there are about fifty or more cops out there, snipers too just waiting to get a clean shot at you. They will take you down before you even have time to register what had happened.”

“Jesse listen to them, If you go with them, you get to live. You can eventually get past this.” You pleaded with the student behind you. 

As you pleaded with Jesse, keeping their focus on you, Elliot made his way around to get a better line of sight on Jesse. 

When Elliot was situated he gave the slightest of nods. You hung your head forward for a moment, as if defeated, “Please Jesse...” and then you swung your head back, causing Jesse to release you from his grip. 

You turned to look at Jesse. In a startled reaction Jesse’s gun went off and you fell to the floor as Elliot tackled the student to the ground. Olivia took you in her arms and Elliot arrested the student getting them to their feet and walking them out. 

Olivia helped you stand, “Are you ok?” 

You nodded as you walked with her towards the doors and the sunlight outside, “Yeah, I think so, just a little light headed. Probably adrenaline.” 

Olivia kept her arms around you, comforting you. “By the way, Casey is here, she’s pretty worried about you.”

You let out a huff and felt the world start to spin as you tripped over your feet. “Liv?” 

As your body went limp, Oliva called out your name, when you didn’t respond Olivia called out, “I need a bus! Y/N, hey, are you ok?” 

Olivia pulled away your sweater and noticed a patch of blood on your lower abdomen and seeping down towards your hips. 

“Y/N! You have to stay awake, Casey is here, you have to stay awake for her, ok? God, I’m sorry, but this might hurt.” 

Olivia put her hands over your wound and pressed, trying to stop the blood flow. You didn’t cry out, didn’t even make a sound. 

As soon as the paramedics got there, they checked your vitals and placed you on a gurney rushing you to the ambulance. Olivia followed close behind and looked for Casey waiting where she had left her. 

“Casey, you need to go with her. Now.” Olivia said while pointing at you being loaded into the ambulance. 

Casey stared in horror. “Liv?”

Olivia shook her friend by the shoulders, “Listen to me, she is hurt, she needs you, get on that ambulance. Right. Now.” 

Casey shook out of her daze and ran to the ambulance, climbing in and holding on to your hands while tears round down her face. 

________________________________________________________________

The first thing you noticed was that there was a constant beeping next to you. The next was that there was a warmth covering your right hand, significantly warmer than your left, and heavier too. The final thing you noticed was that you were in a bed, but not a bed that you were used to.

Opening your eyes proved to be harder than you expected. When they finally cracked open, you saw a familiar red headed ADA holding onto your hand and sleeping with her head resting on your bed. 

Your voice cracked as you spoke, “Casey? Baby? You awake?”

Casey’s head immediately shot up and she looked at you, fresh tears in her eyes. 

“Y/N! Oh thank God, you’re awake! I was so worried.” Casey picked up your hand and gave it kisses. 

“How long was I out?” 

“Two days. What were you thinking? You could have been killed!” Casey looked at you with nothing but worry in her eyes. 

“Casey, I had to do something, it could have been so much worse. I helped people get out, I kept them occupied, talking. I did what Olivia talked about.” 

Casey let go of your hand, “But you are not a cop Y/N! You don’t have the training, you don’t have the protection! You could have died!” 

“But I didn’t!” You paused, “How many did?

Casey took a breath, “Four were dead at the scene, another five were injured. One of them died at the hospital.” 

You gasped and Casey grabbed your hand, “But they did say that if you hadn’t done what you did, the outcome would have been a lot worse. I just wish you hadn’t gotten hurt.” 

“I’m sorry Casey, I just did what I had to do to keep my kids safe.” 

“It’s ok, do you want me to call the team? Tell them you’re awake?” Casey asked. 

You shook your head, “No, not yet. For now I just want you.” You leaned up to kiss her and then groaned. “Nope, you have to come to me. I can’t get up that far.” 

Casey laughed and leaned down to kiss you. When she puled back, you managed to scoot yourself over enough to create space for Casey. “Come here, I’m injured and I need cuddles.” 

Casey rolled her eyes and took off her shoes before climbing into bed and pulling you into her, stroking your hair as you were lulled back to sleep in your girlfriends arms. 

Under the Surface

Ateez x reader (fem) Mermaid/ Pirate AU

Part 4/?

Previous parts: 1, 2, 3

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: ouu what could be lurking in the darkness?? I hope you enjoy this chapter :0

“Where is she!?” his voiced boomed, causing everything insight to coward behind the first thing they could find. “I don’t k-know” your mother sobbed into her hands. “one thing! I asked you to do one thing! now I cant sense her, she’s gone!” he yelled back, “I’m so sor-sorry, Poseidon” she continued to cry, “If I find my daughter dead..” he pointed his finger towards the broken woman in front of him, “or worse, Amphitrite finds her. You would wish to be dead.” grip tightening on his trident causing his knuckles to turn white, “Why couldn't she just stay where I put her,” he looked to almost crying, “where she is safe.” He rubbed at his face in frustration, before regaining composer, “I will send my personal men, to scout the ship you mentioned maybe they have her.” “what if she touches the water before you find her?” you mother questioned with a strained voice, “Let’s hope that doesn't happen.” he answered before leaving the reef in a rush to alert his men.

 “She’s just getting worse!” San yelled out to the rest of the crew quickly approaching the two on the wooden floor. “Move!” Mingi’s voice was heard over the panicking others. As he made it to the front and knelt down next to your sweating, trembling body. “What did she eat last?” Mingi questioned, “only some bread” Seonghwa voiced, “but she only told me her legs were hurting from walking so much today.” he continued. “Maybe she’s seasick” Yeosang proposed quietly looking at your fragile body still in San’s arms, a rush of guilt going through him. He should have knocked instead of waiting, he could’ve prevented this somehow. “we arrive on land tomorrow; do you think she will be ok until then? we could send her to a doctor?” Hongjoong asked looking more stressed out then they have seen him in a long time.

Yeosang spoke again, “we should put her in the water somehow. I’ve heard it helps with seasickness and might help with her fever.” Finally, Wooyoung spoke up, “she’s having withdraws” they all looked at him with a look saying continue, “I went through the same thing when I quit smoking, just less severe.” “withdraws from what though?” Mingi asked, “she is a mermaid, you dumb ass, the ocean obviously.” “we can’t just throw her overboard while she is unconscious.” San looked at Wooyoung worried, “Why not, she won’t drown” he replied while walking towards your limp body.

It was almost as if the ocean was calling to you, the feeling fully consuming your body. You were walking towards it, warm sand under your feet as the crashing waves washed up towards you. You were so close, walking into to the water, sea foam emerging from you submerged feet. slowly you were disappearing, and it was the most euphoric thing you’ve felt. However, before you could take another step it was all ripped away, the warmth turned into coldness as the light disappeared into darkness. Your eyes opened, the weight of the world no longer on your shoulders, you were in the water. Your painful legs were gone, replaced with the golden tail you have never wanted to see more then now. It was dark but the ship was still recognizable, swimming up towards it and breaking the surface you saw eight heads over the railing staring at you with relief on their faces.

 “Does anybody want to join me?” you called up smiling to them, feeling better than you have all day, to which they just stared at you. Predicting from their faces no one wanted to except maybe Hongjoong, he seemed interested but tried to hide it. Swimming up to the part of the boat he was standing, you reached your hand up to him, “can I show you something?” he seemed to debate the idea for a couple seconds, “I’m not a very strong swimmer” he admitted quietly not wanting his crew to hear. “Will you trust me then? I won’t let you drown.” you replied back with your hand still stretched out towards him to take. After a few seconds of eye contact to confirm you were serious he started to climb over the railing and reach for your hand as well. “He’s crazy” Yunho laughed, “that’s why he is our captain.” Jongho smiled at his braveness.

 As Hongjoong entered the water his breath was taken away from the coldness of it, his hand still in yours as you supported his weight until he regained his breath. Shivering he looked at you, gills now prominent on the sides of you neck and Wooyoung’s baggy shirt floating around you while his pants were most likely ruined from the transformation. Your eyes glowed a bright green where before they were e/c. And lastly your tail was different then all of the mermaids he’s encountered before almost as if was dipped in melted gold, shimmering from the small amount of moon light it captures every so often. Smiling down at you, you watched as his smile immediately drop from being dragged under water without warning, adrenaline pumping through his veins he began to look at you panicked saying, “you know I cant breath under water right?” through his eyes, to which you nodded at him, still swimming downward while holding his hand, you both exploring this area for the first time. When you felt him tap you singling to go back up for air you stopped swimming and turned to him. Locking eye contact with him you moved forward locking your lips onto his, they were soft and welcoming. Using your gills to pass filtered oxygen to him, he took it gratefully, after a few seconds you parted and looked at him again. His eyes wide in amazement of what you just did.

 “Who wants to bet she is drowning him right now?” Seonghwa asked, “If they don’t come up soon, I say we vote on a new captain” Mingi joked high fiving Seonghwa while everyone else just gave them dirty looks before looking back down at the water.

 Hongjoong slowly became more relaxed as he took in what he could of the sights around him, seeing his world from a whole new perspective. occasionally tapping your arm to signal he needed more air, cheeks slowly getting redder each time as well, but you looked completely unfazed by it. He would definitely do this again but during the daytime so more could be seen. You made your ascend slowly back to the ship, finger still intertwined with each other, he broke the surface first not being able to bite back his smile as you came up next to him and pulled him towards the side of ship seven boys still stood. First, they lifted the captain in, a blanket in hand to provide a small bit of warmth. Then you were pulled in next, a lot heavier then Hongjoong was. A rotting hand nearly missing the bottom of your tail as you made it all the way in. Laying with you back against the deck you looked up at all of them. “Thank you for not letting me die” you laughed out, “I even started to turn into sea foam.” Wooyoung stood over you, giving you a small smile, “at least my shirt is ok” you gave him a shocked face at his response, and he started laughing. “I’m glad your ok” Hongjoong walked towards you, laying the blanket he had over your body before you were exposed to everyone. A kind smile resting on his face.

 “I felt her!” your father called out, “she is a days way from moon’s island. get to her as fast as you can. She is close to Amphitrite’s territory.” He ordered while looking over his closest men, “bring her back safe, do whatever is needed to be done.” “Yes sir!” they yelled back before dispersing. one goal on their minds.

Next Part

JUST THIS ONCE

Pairing: Yoongi x Hoseok

Genre:  Smut, a bit of swearing, a bit of smoking and a shy still in a closet Hoseok.

Word count: 6.8k

Summary: “ He wanted to laugh, he thought life was letting him have it his way just this once, but that just simply couldn't be true. “

A/N: While writing this I listened to this song, really helps to create the mood for the oneshot!  I kinda went overboard with this request so I (j)hope you still like it!

request here 

masterlist

"Yes, thank you, we will make sure to contact you soon"

His fingers ran through his hair, a deep sigh leaving his lips. This was his fiftieth call today, and he thanked God the lunch break was already around the corner. He leaned back in his chair, trying to relax his tense body. He closed his eyes, that were now tired from staring at a computer screen for too long, the place he was in suffocating him. It was an ordinary day that he has come to work. His job was one of those office jobs that most people seemed to hate, yet he never really had that opinion. He liked his little cubicle that was full of little nothings here and there that made him feel like home, even though it was tiring, he loved what he was doing, He liked the occasional lunch breaks with his coworkers, talking about things that happened to them during the week. He liked that it started at nine and finished at exactly five, letting him have his personal life. His thoughts wandered around the room, his eyes still closed.

"Hey, Hoseok! You coming?", He heard one of his co-workers shouting from afar. He yelled out a quick 'yes' and stood up from the chair, still a bit dizzy from the drowsiness that the day at work has caused him. He put on his coat and rushed towards a group of people, looking forward to getting some fresh air.

"You okay? Did you not get enough sleep last night?", one of his coworkers asked, concerned by his odd behavior. That made Hoseok smile, awknowledging the thoughtfulness of the question.

"You got me there, I'm going to sleep right after work" He laughed, sharing a friendly smile with the guy. They stood by the front entrance, waiting for everyone in their group to show up. He pushed his back against the wall, watching people going in and out of the elevators. A delicate man's figure walked out of the elevator, catching his attention. His hair was silver and parted in the middle, a few strands falling in his eyes making him fix it with his long pale fingers. In fact, the man was so pale he looked like a porcelain doll, not a single trance of imperfection on his face. His lips were plump and a bit rosy, his eyes dark and beautiful, yet full of disinterest, only making Hoseok want to see him smile more. He was fascinated by the person and he was afraid to say - attracted to him. His friends interrupted his thoughts again, making him switch his gaze away from the mystery man, talking about places to eat. As they were ready to leave, he felt a pat on his shoulder, making him turn around.

"Hey Hoseok, meet our new coworker - Min Yoongi! It's his first day of work today and since I'm a wonderful friend I'm bringing him with us! Yoongi, meet Hoseok, the friend I told you about" Namjoon exclaimed, excited about his two best friends finally meeting each other. Hoseoks eyes followed the directions where the supposed best friend was and couldn't help but be shocked to meet the same young man, he had previously eye raped. Their eyes met, a silence settling down between them. There was a specific silence between them, the one that meant more than both of them could ever say. How could he feel like this towards a man? A man who he's seeing for the first time? Yoongi offered to shake hands with Hoseok, to which he agreed. His hands were a bit cold, but smooth none the less, his grip tight, somehow making Yoongi feel superior to him. Their eye contact was cut short when he felt Namjoon nudging him to go through the door, not wasting any of their lunch break. During the break, everyone drank and ate to their heart's content, but for some reason Hoseok just could not relax, knowing that Yoongi was in the same room. He seemed to be very talkative and outgoing while talking to others, which completely didn't suit his personality in Hoseok's opinion. He didn't know what it was, but he desperately tried to find at least a single flaw about Yoongi, so he could find a reason to dislike him, yet he couldn't, it was as if the same feeling of superiority came back to haunt him.

"And then I looked at her and said "Excuse me Miss, but this is a Gucci bag, so could you please be more careful?", she looked at me as if she wanted to kill me, seriously I spent all my money on it could she just be nice!", One of his coworkers, Taehyung told the story, to which everyone reacted with laughter, the boys' actions in the story completely ridiculous, making Hoseok laugh as well.

"I bought a Gucci bag for my ex-boyfriend when we were dating, those things are ridiculously expensive," Yoongi said, a short silence now mixing up in the air, everyone's trying to process the new fact about the new worker. Their new gay coworker. Hoseok liked how Yoongi just mentioned it casually, making everyone aware of it, saving himself some time in the future. He liked how for Yoongi it didn't seem like a huge deal liking someone of the same gender, and it wasn't, but it was way scarier to admit. Hoseoks lips formed into a content grin, somewhat happy that the boy was gay. But why was he?

"Please be my boyfriend Yoongi, I beg you," Taehyung cried out dramatically, making the group of guys burst into laughter, somewhat moving from the awkward silence. Hoseok stole another glance at the boy that has recently become the reason behind Hoseok not wanting to miss his job.

-

Everyone was walking back to work, the group now separated into pairs, each of them conversing about different topics. Hoseok was walking alone, small talk not being his favorite thing. He loved the way the trees were swaying in the wind, the way everything around him was full of energy and life, cars rushing to places, some people rushing some just walking past - it seemed like life here never stops, not even for a minute and that motivated him to not stand still as well.

"It's a nice day isn't it?" A familiar voice made him come back to reality. It was no one other than Yoongi himself. Hoseok turned his gaze to him, giving him a warm smile.

"Every day is beautiful in its own way, but yes, it is indeed a beautiful day" Hoseok replied, trying to detach his eyes from Yoongis, finally looking back up at the sky. Hoseoks answer made Yoongi let out an interested sigh, his mouth opening up to speak again.

"And what if it rains?”

"I like rain"

"What if there's a storm?"

"Storms are quite romantic"

"What if there's a hurricane?"

"Then there will be a hurricane. Each day is different, yet it still connects to the bundle of months and years. We cant foresee the future and that's the true beauty of it all," Hoseok replies, making the other boy rethink his thought. Chills went down Hoseoks spine as he heard the softest laugh he has ever witnessed, the laugh that belonged to Yoongi. He turned to him only to see a beautiful gummy smile, losing his train of thoughts. He could tell it was a real smile and fuck did it make his heart melt.

"Your boyfriend is very lucky" Yoongi replied after a few minutes of silence, the sentence making Hoseok choke on air, not sure which thing was more important, the fact that Yoongi asked about his relationship status or that he thinks Hoseok is gay?

"Who told you I was gay?" Hoseok replied while raising an eyebrow, trying his best to pretend that he had control over the situation. Yoongi looked down at the ground, a knowing smile plastered on his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my gaydar is quite accurate most times, I apologize for the randomness of the question."

Hoseok took the apology, both of them walking forward in a comfortable silence. "I apologize for the randomness of the question," Yoongi definitely wasn't being random when he asked the question. From the first moment he saw Hoseok, he couldn't help but admire his beauty, the thought of touching every inch of his body making his blood boil. Yoongi could tell that the boy was at least bisexual, his senses never failing him and when the boy said he wasn't that was the proof he needed. He understood that he hasn't come out or thought about liking guys and that's why Yoongi made a promise to himself to not hit on the boy, however, it didn't mean he wasn't allowed to tempt him. He knew that if he was right, the boy would come to him himself. And he can wait.

-

A splash of cold water hit Hoseoks face, distracting his body from what he just went through. It has been a few months since Yoongi started working at their company, and he couldn't seem to stop his thoughts about the boy that were now getting worse. Whenever he saw Yoongi without a coat, his white shirt tucked into his pants, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his black dress pants hugging his legs perfectly, making him look like a one delicious meal. He couldn't help but get flustered at most random times. Yoongis body always seemed to be too close, his eyes too captivating for him to protest. Each day he felt himself getting mad and he didn't know what to do since he never had such a thing happen to him regarding another guy. He felt embarrassed and shy next to Yoongi, afraid that he was too obvious, making a fool out of himself. It was currently Friday, and the whole office agreed on going to their local bar for some beers. Hoseok never liked going out with the office, because it meant he had to stay there until his boss leaves and that meant staying for the whole night. He would always choose an easy way out, saying he's not feeling too well or has to see his family which works every time, but apparently, luck hasn't been on his side lately, cause a few months ago he promised his friends he would definitely make it, just this once and this time, he wasn't afraid of having to spend the whole night inside of the bar, he was afraid of Yoongi.  He threw himself onto his bed, his feet dangling in the air. It felt like the reason why he was afraid of Yoongi was that he knew something that nobody else did. He's afraid of him because Yoongi brings out the side of him he hasn't experienced yet and he doesn't know if he wants to, yet the thoughts that appear in his mind whenever he sees the boy proves otherwise. He knew that Yoongi was a mature man, who already had his sexual preferences figured out and he didn't want to come off as the "hey I know you're gay and I want to use you" type of person. He sighed while jumping off the bed and changing to more of a casual outfit, his body now reflecting in the mirror. He met his eyes, the same nervousness still visible. He closed the door of his apartment, hoping the night would end as soon as possible.

-

Hoseok's body was engulfed in a sea of tipsy conversations and light rock music blasting from the speakers. The lighting was dim and slightly yellow, tables scattered around the area were now full of people. The bar smelled like beer and hints of sweat. He looked around, finding his friends. As he sat down next to them, loud greetings were thrown his way as well as a beer. His eyes scanned the table, not finding the silver-haired boy. He let out a relieved sigh, but couldn't hide the slight disappointment that was stabbing him in the back. Why would you be disappointed? Isn't this what you wanted? Hoseok asked himself and scolded his brain, agreeing to not bring the subject of Yoongi again.

-

The night was going great. Hoseok has been sitting at their table for the past two hours, not ready to leave. The night turned out better than he expected, he realized he has been missing that kind of friendly interaction in his life.

"Ah, where you going Hoseok? I hope it's not home!" Namjoon yelled out, taking another big gulp of beer. This made Hoseok chuckle. He lightly ruffled (now more than tipsy) Namjoons hair.

"I wouldn't dare! Gonna visit the toilets real quick, okay Namjoon-ah?" Hoseok asked, holding in his laughter. The boy was pissed drunk after one beer and now since he had five he was almost like a zombie. Namjoon nodded, letting go of Hoseoks hand.

As he got out of the bathroom the boy decided to go outside for some fresh air, his head spinning from a couple of beers that he had. His hand connected with the doorknob as he took a step outside. He took a few steps to the side, pushing his body against the wall. As he was trying to calm down his breathing and enjoy the cold air of the night he heard a familiar voice that was now speaking directly to him.

"Beautiful night isn't it?"

Hoseoks breath got stuck in his throat, his eyes now wide open, staring at the same man that has been on his mind for forever now. He wanted to laugh, he thought life was letting him have it his way just this once, but that just simply couldn't be true. He let out the air he has been holding in for a while.

"Yeah, it is," He let out, his eyes finally getting used to the darkness, allowing him to see Yoongi in a full view. It was the first time that Hoseok has seen Yoongi in something other than work attire, and dare he say he looked even better. He was wearing an all-black outfit, the only thing sticking out was his silver hair, that was simply resting on his forehead, his face was still glistening, even in the dark. He was smoking a cigarette, the darkness of the outside making the smoke coming out from his mouth now visible in the shadows. He looked like nothing Hoseok has seen before. He held so much mystery that Hoseok could almost bare it. His glance was never wondering, always fixated on one thing. He seemed like he knew everything like he controlled everything even if he had no magical power to do so. The tension was almost unbearable. Hoseok wanted to be touched by him, he wanted to do so many things. The thoughts in Hoseoks mind got so strong, that he could feel the nervousness that was once in his body clouding up. Almost as if it didn't exist while his glance was on him. Yoongi finished smoking, throwing the cigarette bud on the ground, not wasting any more time.

"Let's go, I'll buy you a drink," Yoongi said, the corner of his mouth turning upwards to form a smirk. Hoseok didn't know what to say, his cheeks blushing at his words. He knew that friends and coworkers do buy each other drinks, but the way it came out of the silver-haired boys' lips didn't sound like a friendly favor. Hoseok thought about the offer, thinking just how he could decline, every nerve in his brain screaming "no". He remembered the almost full bottle of beer he left on his table.

"O-okay" He mumbled. He couldn't believe his own words. Both of them got inside, the huge amount of people making it hard to reach the bar. Yoongi was walking fast, not really caring about pushing people around, which Hoseok seemed harder to do, already being more than a few steps behind Yoongi. Yoongi turned around, his eyes scanning through people only to find the red-haired boy, lost in the crowd, murmuring "sorry" to everyone he passes. A fond smile found its way to Yoongi's lips, Hoseok was truly such an adorable sight. Its so refreshing to see someone like Hoseok these days, someone so selfless and thoughtful. Since Yoongi started working here in Seoul, he hasn't met a single person that interested him more, that's why he was willing to not give his hopes up. As Hoseok was trying to squirm through people, he felt a hand locking fingers with his, leading him towards the bar. Yoongi. Hoseok gasped at the unexpected skinship. His grasp was secure around his palm, his hands a bit cold from being outside, his fingers perfectly fitting with his. Both of them finally made it to the bar, sitting down on the barstools. Yoongi ordered himself a beer and was surprised by Hoseok's choice.

"A cocktail huh?" A light tint of pink coated Hoseoks cheeks, the feeling of losing the control to Yoongi he got still unknown to him. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't want the feeling to go away.

"Let's not judge each others drink choices" He replied calmly while playing with the straw between his lips, the same straw that Yoongi has been eyeing for the past 5 minutes. The conversation then continued to grow, both of them finding mutual interests and subjects. As the night went on and the more cocktails Hoseok consumed, he couldn't pull himself away from the thoughts and the need he was feeling for the boy. Yoongi was now talking about one of the many writers both Hoseok and Yoongi liked, yet Hoseok didn't catch a word. He was looking at Yoongis eyes, that were so deep and captivating, he looked at his lips, that were moving slowly while forming words, his tongue grazing over them once in a while, making him want to taste them, he looked at his black shirt and the way it exposed some of his collarbones, making the boy think how nice it would be to leave kisses all over it, he looked at his thighs, that were resting on the barstool and he couldn't help but think of sitting on the boys lap, slowly grinding on his crotch. He bit his lip, trying to conceal what was happening inside of him.

"I want you"

The words slipped like tiny grains of sand through his fingertips. He wanted to hold them back, to not reveal his true feelings towards the silver-haired boy and now his secret was all out in the open. His eyes quickly darted to his lap, trying to conceal his now almost bright red face.

Yoongi was shocked. He thought that in all of his life he will never get shocked by anything other men do or say, yet this seemed to break the rule. However, it didn't take much for him to get a hold of the situation. He smiled. Of course, he was right. His finger reached out to lift Yoongis face by his chin, looking into his eyes. He could see how flustered the boy was, and Yoongi couldn't deny that it made him aroused. His fingers went further up the boys face, lightly caressing his cheek. He felt Hoseoks breath becoming uneven and he clearly knew what Hoseok meant by his words, but he wanted to get them out of him, for Yoongi himself to listen.

"Tell me what is it that you want" Yoongi cooed, his face now inches away from Hoseoks. The red-haired boy knew that there was nowhere to run. Both of them were discussing the same subject and Hoseok couldn't believe it, he was about to talk about his fantasies with the person who's the main character in every single one of them. Hoseok lifted his eyes up to meet Yoongis, trying to get rid of the nervousness that appeared yet again. Another one of Yoongi's hands sneaked up to rub Hoseok's thigh, Yoongis touch relaxing the boy. "Come on, you can tell me," he whispered, the sentence disappearing into the mixture of sounds in the bar.

"I've never felt this way before," Hoseok started, his voice silent and full of uncertainty as if he was afraid of what he's about to say. "Towards another guy... It's so... so tempting and I can't get it out of my head," He took another big breath, his eyes watching the way Yoongis hand moves along his thigh. "I can't stop thinking about touching you or you touching me," He squeezed his eyes shut."Fuck Yoongi, you're too much for me" He let out, every nerve in his body on fire.

"Look at me," Yoongi demanded, his fingers still caressing the soft skin of Hoseok's cheek. Hoseok looked up, their eyes meeting for the first time in a while. Hoseoks eyes were full of nervousness and fear, fear of the unknown. He didn't know what Yoongi was about to do and for all he knew he could reject him now that he had the full control over the situation. Yoongis eyes turned a shade darker, lust and curiosity evident in his eyes. He leaned in just a bit closer, his lips brushing against Hoseok's, before capturing their lips for a short yet very deep kiss. Hoseok wanted to scream yes this is it, this is what I've been craving for so long. He didn't care about the people around them, he didn't care about what was going to happen next. All he cared about was this moment and the feeling of never wanting this to stop. Yoongi pulled away, leaving the red-haired boy pouting. His face was still close to Hoseoks, so close he could feel the unsteady breath on his skin.

"I've been thinking a lot about you too," He reassured the boy, taking his hand and pulling him off of the barstool, his steps nearing the exit.

"Where are we going?" Hoseok asked, a small giggle escaping his mouth, the euphoric feeling running through his veins. Yoongi looked behind at Hoseok, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Somewhere where I can show you how much I've been thinking about you," Yoongi said and turned back around, leading him out of the bar.  Hoseok thanked Yoongi in his mind for turning around, his face now a blushing mess.

The two of them ran out of the bar hand in hand, both giggling at the situation they were now in. Yoongi led Hoseok down the street that was lit with various city lights, the night buzzing with an adventurous feeling of nightlife. Hoseok looked at Yoongi, a small gasp leaving his lips. His hair was now a bit messy, his cheeks tinted with a light shade of pink, his face still glistening in the dark, various city lights reflecting on his face. Yoongi caught his glance, offering the boy his gummy smile. Hoseok couldn't help but smile back at him just as wholeheartedly. Hoseok couldn't get out of the daze he was in, the feeling swallowing him whole.

They soon reached a what seemed like a hostel, that seemed pretty empty. It was one of those cheaper hostels that people usually rent for a few hours, and it seemed like it was something they were about to do. Hoseok was feeling electric because of all these spontaneous acts that happened in a span of only few hours. Yoongi walked by the register, quickly murmuring that they needed a room for tonight. The lady by the register didn't show any reaction as she handed him the keys. Yoongi glanced at Hoseok mouthing a quick "let's go", grabbing him by his hand and leading him to the elevator. Silence, that was full of anticipation lingered between them, the high pitched sound of the elevator silencing both of their thoughts. When the elevator doors finally closed Yoongi pushed Hoseok against the wall, one of his arms resting against the wall near Hoseoks head, while another hand was already under Hoseok's shirt, roaming around his body. Hoseok let out a light moan, his body melting into the kiss. His arms went around Yoongi's neck, finding their way to his silver hair and tugging on it, which earned a low grunt from Yoongi. The kiss was heated and passionate, their bodies trying to get as closer to each other as possible. The moment didn't last long enough when Yoongi pulled away, rushingly walking out of the elevator with his hand still in Hoseoks. The two of them ran through the hallway, smiles on both of their faces as they reached the door to their room. They went into the room, taking off their coats and shoes, Hoseok coming to the bed, sitting down on it. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Of course, it was a fact that the boy was scared, the lack of experience making him rethink his decision, but he couldn't stop this from happening, he didn't want to stop this from happening. His train of thoughts came to a stop when he felt a tall shadow falling over him. Yoongi was standing between both of Hoseok's legs. He took out a condom that was neatly placed in his back pocket, throwing it to the bed and then lifted his black shirt over his head, slowly taking it off, his naked front now in front of Hoseok. When he saw Yoongi in such form, a form he imagined him for what seemed like forever his thinking came to a stop, he wasn't going to overthink this anymore. Hoseok leaned into Yoongis body, pressing his lips to Yoongis pale skin, right next to his belt, sending shivers down Yoongis spine. His lips slowly traveled upwards while leaving soft wet kisses all over Yoongis naked chest. His bare skin against his lips was feeling better than anything he had ever imagined and when he heard a gentle whimper coming from Yoongi he swore he could've came right then and there. His lips finally reached Yoongi's collarbones, the spot he was eyeing the whole night. His lips placed butterfly kisses all over his collarbones, stopping at the spot that was earlier visible through his shirt. He pressed a long wet kiss on the spot, his teeth coming in contact with the cold skin, lightly bitting on it, which caused Yoongi to let out a soulful loud moan. Yoongi couldn't bear it anymore, the sight of Hoseok being so good to him making him feel heavenly. He pulled Hoseok up by his chin, making the red-haired boy stand up, their lips connecting for another kiss, yet this time it was full of passion and need, their tongues exploring each other's mouths as they deepened the kiss. Yoongi broke off the kiss, his fingers caressing Hoseok's lips, when suddenly one of his fingers popped into Hoseoks mouth, making him suck on Yoongis finger. The finger got deeper in his throat, but he took it all in, making Yoongis mouth water at the sight.

"Such a good boy for me aren't you? Yoongi hissed, his eyes still darting at Hoseok. "Now tell me... what do you want to do? I'm all ears," Yoongi asked, taking his finger out of his mouth. Hoseok found it hard to decide, there were so many things he wanted to do, so many unfulfilled fantasies he had. He quickly switched places with Yoongi, making him sit down on the bed, him kneeling down himself between both of Yoongis legs. His slim fingers came in contact with the silver-haired boy's belt, playing with the buckle.

"C-can I?" Hoseok asked, his big innocent eyes looking up at the boy through his eyelashes. Yoongi looked pleased with the sight. He nodded, letting Hoseok unbuckle his belt, taking off his pants along with his underwear. Hoseok gasped, Yoongis throbbing erection slapping to his stomach. The red-haired boy gasped at the view, licking his lips. His hand slowly came in contact with Yoongis length, spreading his precum along his shaft slowly, enjoying the way his palm slid down teasingly slow. Shivers went through Yoongis body, the agonizingly slow pace getting him even more worked up.

"P-please, could you...faster," Yoongi said through deep breaths, his eyes still closed shut. Hoseok smirked, liking the control that he now had in his hands that he was sure to use well. He wanted to please Yoongi as best as he could. Hoseok leaned in, giving Yoongis dick small kitten licks, swirling his tongue against the tip, to which Yoongi reacted with another set of beautiful soft moans, that now turned into whines, the anticipation killing the boy. So he decided to act on it, taking a fistful of Hoseoks hair and sliding more of his dick in his mouth, letting Hoseok know that he is still in charge.

"Don't you just love taking my dick in your pretty little mouth, you're so filthy aren't you," Yoongi said in a low tone, his hand now in the boys' red locks as he pushed him down on his length once again, this time making him take all of him. Hoseok found himself even more turned on at the gesture, the words the boy spoke making him moan, sending vibrations around Yoongis dick. He hollowed his cheeks, his pace quickening as he sucked on his dick, his other hand coming in contact with Yoongis balls, squeezing them gently. Yoongi couldn't form a single sentence as he tried to contain himself from cumming all over Hoseoks innocent face. The way his dick would disappear into Hoseoks mouth, the way his knees were probably deep red because of the kneeling, the look of pure enjoyment the boy would give him was the hottest thing he has ever seen, his brain trying to mentally take pictures of this to remember later, their future together still uncertain.

"H-hoseok you need to s-stop, I want to cum inside you," Yoongi pleaded as Hoseoks head was bopping up and down on his dick, the request being something extremely hard to say, regarding the fact that he, in fact, didn't want him to stop. Hoseok followed Yoongis command, giving the boy one last good suck, before taking his dick out of his mouth, making sure to lick his lips afterward, his innocent expression never leaving his features. Yoongi pulled the boy up on his lap, giving him a big kiss as a thank you, still able to taste himself on his lips.

"You deserve a treat for being such a good boy," Yoongi whispered into his ear, making Hoseok whine, the erection that he had from the beginning now throbbing in his underwear, making him hurry the boy. Yoongi wasted no more time as he switched their positions by throwing the boy on the bed, his own tall figure towering over him. He kissed Hoseok once again. While his lips were lingering on Hoseoks, his hands went down to undo the buttons of his shirt, exposing his naked skin. The next article of clothing he took of was his jeans, swooping them off along with his underwear, Yoongis eyes now glistening at the sight of a naked man. Yoongis slim and long fingers came in contact with Hoseoks mouth yet again, making him coat his fingers with his juices.

"We have to prep you so that you can take me all inside of you sweet cheeks," Yoongi said fondly while taking his fingers out of Hoseoks mouth and situating them to his now throbbing hole. He circled his finger around the hole a few times, earning a loud whine from Hoseok.

"D-do something, please," Hoseok whined, not able to wait another second. And he didn't need to, when he felt Yoongi inserting his two digits into his whole, curling them once it was inside, making Hoseok arch his back in pain because of the stretch, the pleasure quickly taking over the pain. Yoongi didn't move his fingers for a while, letting the boy get used to the unfamiliar feeling, before taking them out and quickly pushing them back in, his fingers now starting to move in a normal pace, his fingers curling inside of the boy. Hoseok has never experienced something like that before, something that felt this good. Yoongis fingers pumped into the boys whole for a few more times, making the red-haired boy squirm and moan out profanities, while Yoongis mouth sucked on Hoseoks neck, leaving light purple marks, his lips then going lower to suck on the boys nipple, giving it a few small bites, enjoying the sensitivity of the boys' body. He felt Hoseoks breath hitching, which meant that the boy was dangerously close to his release, making him pull out his fingers, making the red-haired boy let out an anxious moan. Yoongis hand quickly grasped the condom that was still laying on the bed, not wasting any time as he ripped it up with his teeth, taking out and putting it on his aching length. He quickly positioned himself, aligning his dick to Hoseoks entrance, slowly sliding into him, his dick fully swallowed up by Hoseoks warmth. Both of the boys let out soulful moans, both of them experiencing the highest level of pleasure. It took Yoongi a few minutes to get used to the feeling that almost made him cum right then and there - he wanted to last as long as he could for Hoseok as well as he didn't want this moment to end too soon for both of their liking. Yoongi pounded into Hoseok again, this time not stopping for a break, but continuing the slow pace, enjoying they way both of their bodies fit together.

"Fuck you're so tight," Yoongi moaned out, his eyes catching a glimpse of Hoseok laying naked underneath him, his body shimmering with little beams of sweat, his eyes closed while his whole body was filled with the euphoric sensation. Hoseok couldn't reply to Yoongi as his whole body fell into a one heavy trance, the feeling of Yoongi filling him up was something he wanted to remember forever. Yoongi kept thrusting his dick into Yoongi, the sound of their heavy breathing and sweating bodies moving against each other filling the small room. Hoseok could only imagine what people that shared the same walls with them thought, the idea of them hearing it all was so sinful, yet aroused the boy even more. Yoongis thrusts became deeper reaching the red-haired boys g spot, making Hoseok moan out loudly, a tingly sensation running through his body, in his blood. He hit it perfectly each time, yet the pace was still pretty slow, annoying the boy. 

"Faster p-please," Hoseok moaned out, his hand grasping Yoongis, making him hower over him even more. Yoongi smirked, finally hearing the words he needed. Yoongi leaned in, giving Hoseok a sloppy kiss, their tongues now tangled together, Yoongis teeth biting down on Hoseoks plump lip. His movements quickened, his dick getting even more inside of Yoongi, thrusting him with no remorse. Yoongis hand found its way around Hoseoks neck, choking the boy lightly as he kissed him, sucking out the breath from his mouth, the lack of air intensifying his arousal, his mind becoming unaware of his surroundings or time, everything only existing in this moment. Yoongis hand moved away from the boy's neck and was now wondering around his naked frame, caressing his skin with his feather like fingers. Yoongi watched Hoseoks innocent body aching with pleasure, his flushed face reflecting the huge amount of pleasure he was feeling. Suddenly, Yoongis hand wrapped around the boy, lifting him up from the mattress and making him sit down on his length, their upper bodies now glued together. Hoseok gasped at the sudden switch of position, making him open his eyes, only for him to see a sweaty and worked up Yoongi in front of him. The silver haired boy's face was so close to his that he could clearly see every little drop of sweat on his skin, the way his hair was sticking to his forehead, his eyes looking down to watch the way his dick disappeared into Hoseok, low grunts escaping his lips. Hoseok felt like he was on top of the world, the aching feeling of his release forming in his stomach, making him clench his walls around Yoongis dick. Such action provoked an unholy and load moan from Yoongi, him finally looking up at the red-haired mess of a boy. 

"Baby that feels so good..." His hips moving in circular motions as if to find even more sweet spots in Yoongis warmth. "Do that again," He asked, Yoongis hand now reaching out to grab Hoseoks dick, slowly pumping it while his other hand was still tightly wrapped around Hoseoks waist. Hoseok let out a soulful moan, another sensation hitting him unexpectedly. Hoseoks arms went around Yoongis neck, his lips finding their place on Yoongis neck, placing sweet wet kisses along his jawline, his neck, his face, finally reaching the boys' lips, crashing them into his own. Yoongi moaned into Hoseoks mouth, the silver-haired boy's hand detaching himself from Yoongis dick to grab onto his ass, squeezing it as he did. Hoseoks eyes darted into Yoongis dark ones, his own hips now starting to move, causing even more friction. Yoongi hissed, his hand leaving Hoseoks ass just to come back to it again, this time spanking the boy and quickly rubbing his palm against the reddened skin. 

"Such a dirty little slut for me," He pointed out satisfyingly, pushing Hoseoks hips down on him even more. Hoseok whimpered at such dirty language, he could feel his release so close to him, and he was ready to chase it till the end. "Yes... just for you," He replied, his eyes meeting Yoongis yet again, the eye contact so intense it almost made Hoseok cum then and there. The thrusts were now at their full speed, both of them chasing their highs with each other's help. Hoseok felt his body shaking lightly, the knots that formed in his stomach about to explode. He was close. Really close. 

"Y-yongi I'm gonna-gonna cum," Hoseok screamed out, his fingers pulling on his silver locks, as he rocked himself on Yoongis dick, that was now twitching inside of him. "Come on, cum for me," Yoongi breathed out, his eyes wondering around Hoseoks shaky form. His hand gave Hoseoks dick a few more strokes, his hips making sure to give him all of their strength when a loud scream finally escaped from Hoseoks mouth, his orgasm taking over his body. Yoongi followed right after that, both of them riding out their highs as their bodies lazily rubbed against each others. Their pace finally came back to the speed they were at the beginning, their foreheads resting against each other as they shared deep breaths together. When their movements finally came to an end the two of them stayed in the same position, their limbs tangled together. Yoongi leaned in to give a boy a slow tired kiss that was smoothly flowing on a huge wave of pleasure they had just experienced. Yoongis hands gripped Hoseok by the waist, lifting him up, moving up the sheets and placing the boy under them, his tired body lying down next to Hoseok as well. Yoongi let out a deep sigh into the pillow, his body moving closer to Hoseok and wrapping his arms around the boy, his head was now resting in the crook of Hoseoks neck. Hoseok leaned into Yoongis touch, his hand taking Yoongis hands in his, their fingers lazily locking together.

 Hoseok opened his eyes, a window was now in his hazy sight, beautifully lit buildings of the night were shining through the window. The two of them were now engulfed in a peaceful silence, their bodies close to each others. Hoseok listened to Yoongis soft breathing against his neck. Yoongi gave his neck a light peck before his breathing became slower and Hoseok could feel that the boy was fast asleep. He didn't want to sleep just yet. He wanted to enjoy this moment, this moment that ended a greatly meaningful night in his life. As he was about to fall asleep a thought came into his mind making him chuckle, his body lightly shaking in the process which made Yoongi squeeze him tighter in his arms.

Maybe he was wrong, life was really letting him have it his way just this once.

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Magnus Bane*Butterfly

Magnus Bane X depressed!Lightwood reader

This can either be platonic or romantic, not really specified.

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Sometimes you just feel hopeless. Like everything is black and white, good and bad. It's not but it how I see things.   Sometimes everything is numb, not even sad. I can pretend it's all fine, put on a fake smile and they’ll buy it. No one helps you till your bleeding. I'm begging for an alley, someone to understand. Little do they know it murdered the person they called a friend, sibling. I'm not who I used to be, but they don’t care, not if I stay quiet. As long as everything looks picture perfect its fine. Izzy is my best friend but cant sees how I'm drowning inside. Its like I've been thrown overboard into a deep sea of nightmares but she doesn’t seem to realise. I can't blame her, I’m a good liar. I have to be. Alec and Jace don’t understand it either. I can't blame them. I shut myself out and put on a mask, a mask showing what they want to see. To them I’m a perfect sibling; I’m extroverted and loud for Izzy, serious and rational for Alec, and energetic and sarcastic for Jace. For mom and dad, I’m a devoted shadowhunter. For Max, I’m a manga lover, comic reader and training enthusiast who can teach him the ways of a shadowhunter. To them, I’m all these and happy. Except I'm not. None of them seems to realise I'm breaking inside. I hate clubbing but go for Iz, I want to take risks but don’t for Alec, I want to be lazy but Jace likes to train, I hate being a shadowhunter and I don’t understand manga. Why can't I read a normal book? Clary and Simon are new, I don’t expect them to see but why can't the rest of them tell. Everything is numb and I cant take it.

I decide to take a walk. Its past midnight but as an insomniac who can't sleep, this isn’t strange. My family lies sleeping in their beds while I laid awake in a bed of emptiness, sadness and anger. I don’t know what at, only that my veins feel like their on fire and my thoughts are drowning me. I like to go for walks through me stuttering kneecaps may give out at any moment. Guess that's what happens when you don’t eat dinner and train for an hour, or three. I somehow end up on a bridge. I walk over to the side of the bridge and lean against it, staring into the water. Will I ever live up? Will I ever outdo myself? Get better? The bar gets higher and higher while the platform I stand on crumbles. I'm so absorbed in my own thoughts I don’t hear the warlock approaching me. I don’t realise he’s even there until he places his hand on my shoulder. I flinch and turn to look at him. Magnus. It's strange seeing him, I barely know him. “What are you doing out this late,  butterfly?” “Thinking,” I say it emotionless and staring back into the water. I don’t know why he calls me a butterfly, is more like a moth. His face seems concerned but I don’t turn. “About?” he presses. “Nothing, its fine.” I give a tight-lipped smile and turn to him. I begin to walk away but he grabs my wrist. “I don’t want to be a burden, truly.” I pull my arm away and keep walking. I hear his footsteps follow me but I just look forward. I cant face anyone, I'm too tired to lie, to numb to care. “Everything is temporary,” I hear Magnus call after me. I stop and so did he, though I didn’t turn. “Whatever you’re feeling can end.” I look over my shoulder at him. “Easy for you to say,” I whisper. I walk over to the railing again and he follows. “I cant help if you don’t tell me.” “I don’t want your help!” I explode, causing him to flinch back. “Why do you even care? I'm fine, theirs nothing wrong.” “Really?” He asks. I nod my head with an annoyed look on my face. “You expect me to believe that? What were you thinking about back there?” He challenged me. “What did you mean you don't want to be a burden? What would-“ He kept questioning me and I cant handle it. “you of done if I walked passed you?” “Jumped!” I yell. “I would’ve fucking jumped. Is that what you want to know? That I cant handle it anymore? That I’m sick of wearing a mask? Of pretending? Of lying? Do you want to know I'm still awake because I feel like I don’t deserve sleep and even if I did I cant? Is that what you want to hear? How I'm fucked?” I run my hands through my hair and brush to salty tears from my cheeks. “Is that what you want?” I whimper. “No. I mean yes, I don’t know.” He stumbled over his words. “Its always better to be honest though I wish you didn’t feel like that.” “Why do you care?” I whisper coldly. “Seeing someone who cares so much for others, not caring for themselves isn’t a good thing. I've been where you’ve been and it's not fun. We handle it differently but I get it.” “How do you cope?” I cant look at him. not when I’m like this. He sighed. “At first I drank. I drank it all away and did things I'm not proud of. I would find anything to distract me from it.” He paused and I nodded along to what he said. “But then I realised,” he continued. “That when I was sober it was worse. Drinking was only a distraction, not a solution. And I've learned, through a long life full of mistakes and fuck-ups, that the only way to get over it is to face it head-on.” I furrowed my brows. What the hell does he mean? “You’ve got to ask yourself, why are you letting the depression win?” I flinched at his words. I've always been too scared to be diagnosed, even if I was the shadowhunters wouldn’t care. “and then you’ve got to talk about it. And be honest. You’re not being a burden (Y/N). if you want to get better then you need honesty.” “I cant.” “You can.” He rested his hand, gently on my shoulder. “And you will. I cant make you but I like to think I'm a good judge of character and that you will. Maybe not straight away but I think you’ll be brave enough to face your demons straight on, just like in battle.” “I don’t want to face my demons or any other ones.” Magnus raised his eyebrow at that and I sighed. “I don’t want to be a shadowhunter. It terrifies me. Death is part of the job.” “That’s something you should be talking about, (Y/N). it's not a bad thing, only different.” I sighed but it soon turned into a yawn. “You should get some sleep. It could help.” He suggested. “I-I've got insomnia,” I admitted, looking at the ground. I had always been told to just count some sleep and get over it. “I cant sleep.” “I could get you a potion?” he offered. I sighed. “It's not just that. I-I hate sleeping in that place. Theirs too many bad memories.” He went quiet for a few seconds. “If you would like,” he started slowly. “You could crash in my spare room. if you think it may help.” I stayed silent. “if the institute makes it worse, I'm not letting you go back there. Not when you’re like this. But you need sleep.” I nodded. “I’ll come with you.” He gave me a reassuring smile. “But only for tonight.” “Only tonight.” “I just need a quick nap, then I’ll be fine.” I don’t know who I’m talking to, him or me?

“Do you want to borrow some PJs?” Magnus offered, shutting the door behind him. I nodded. “Take a seat.” He directed me to his sofa. “I’ll be back in a moment.” I sat down and brought my legs to my chest. I rested my head on my knees. Sleep was quickly gaining on me. Probably as I hadn’t slept in 3 days.

3rd Pov Magnus walked back into his living room holding a baggy shirt and shorts only to see (Y/N) already asleep. Magnus sighed and brushed their w=hair of their forehead.  “Goodnight.” The warlock whispered. Magnus carried (Y/N) to the spare room and laid them in bed. Magnus didn’t understand why it was the most precious people who were the most broken. The warlock looked at the shadowhunter before he left the room. He’d originally given them the nickname butterfly because he thought it was nice but it was only now he realised how perfect the name was. Thinking back Magnus tried to remember all the things butterflies used to symbolise; Time Soul Growth Elegance Expansion Transition Vulnerability (Y/N) was a vulnerable soul but with time Magnus knew they would transition and grow into an elegant and beautiful soul. (Y/N) really was a butterfly.

Oh the holidays were such a fun time this year (well every year - Christmas is my favorite holiday/time of the year!). This year was extra special cause Pendleton was a part of it! First off coming from vacation, we had a great thanksgiving with our families and started getting ready for the rest of the holiday season. 

We had so much fun spending quality time with our family and friends! It was one of the best ones by far (doing it side by side with my amazing husband!). The season kicked off with us getting our decorations up (if you know me well, you know I love chrisms decor!) and getting our tree (we got our trees with our friends Jenny and Tav and even though it was cold, it was fun!).  We got our holiday pictures (that our amazing friend Claudia slays every year - it’s becoming a tradition starting last year!) She takes us to the tree farm close to our house and takes some photos of us that we use for our Christmas card (see one of our favorites out of the shoot). Then mid December, we threw our annual themed Christmas party - this year was 80′s theme and it was another successful party this year - even more so that both our parents could join in on the fun too. And don’t worry, Pendleton also joined the fun (see picture above him rocking his jean jacket.) 

Then the next big thing was that we hosted Christmas Eve at our house (2nd annual - started this tradition last year with our families). We were just so happy that both our families could make it and we had such a fun night with everyone. We made lots of food and had lots of appetizers and dessert for the night. My mom cooked a dish and brought it over and Stephen’s parents brought appetizers! We all sat down and had a great dinner together and we are just so lucky that our families get along so well. Then our families exchanged gifts and then was time for dessert and starting our tradition of what we call “dollar store gift exchange!” We each were told to buy 1 item from the dollar store and bring it to our house (wrapped). Stephen’s mom came up with this and honestly, best idea ever!! We all put the gifts in the middle of the family room and started with the oldest and went to the youngest (I think that was the order!). Then we counted till 3 and opened all at once! It was pure chaos as 13 people open gifts at the same time! But we all laughed and it made for a good conversation as a few people traded gifts! We are for sure doing this again next year (maybe give out names to specifically buy for - but we’ll see!). Then as people trickled out and we had only Stephen’s parents, grandma, and youngest sister still left, we played a few rounds of pictionary (I suck at it was terrible!). 

We got up early on Christmas morning with Pendleton and opened gifts - Stephen and I are so lucky to have such amazing friends who showered us once again with amazing gifts!! So grateful! Then we gave Pendleton his gifts (I made have gone a little overboard this year...woops! ;)) He did love lots of toys and treats we gave him so I guess it was worth it!. Then we went to my parents house where we exchanged gifts, and it was seriously to grateful once again of all the amazing things we got. A few things worth mentioning: My brother gave us a FURBO - the dog cameral that you can shoot treats out of for your pet. It has worked amazing so far! My parents got us a video camera doorbell (still need to instal) but really excited about it! Next up we went to my mom’s best friend’s house for the annual Christmas brunch - which no supposed was amazing once again! Stephen and I (along with my entire family and all our friends who go to this brunch) look forward to this annual brunch every year! Our friends were so sweet, some really went the extra mile and got Pendleton something too! Awww:) Then after that, we headed toward home to pick up Pendleton and went to Stephen’s families house. Dinner was spectacular, and a great time once again with his family! His family spoiled as well with so many great things! They got us a Ninja Insta Pot and gave us money as well - so so sweet! Again, so very grateful. We got our stockings and we were able to give our gift from all of us (Stephen, his sisters, and I) to his parents and they loved it. And lastly, we did our Christmas exchange (between Stephen and I, his 4 sisters, and one of his sisters boyfriends) we each pick a name to buy a gift for - that way we don’t have to buy everyone a gift! Then after dinner, it was time to do Pictionary (round 2 - just with everyone this time!) the only different was it was a dirtier version which was so funny (I still sucked, but at least it was funny!).

In between Christmas and New Year's Eve I took that time off and stephen worked from home. One evening we went to Peacock Lane (one of my favorite things to do during the holidays!) and another night during the following weekend, we went to Christmas in the Garden with my best friend Alice and her husband Jaoquin (See picture above of the tunnel of lights) . Super fun, but rained like so insane - so we enjoyed while it was dry and even when it rained a bit (we hid out at the ice rink since it was indoors) and left once it was raining hard. Cant wait to go next year - for our 3rd time! It’s becoming a tradition for us (just with another bestie and her hubby by our side). We always start in Mt. Angel for German food and we did that again this year and it did not disappoint! 

New Year’s Eve was great! We went to dinner with both our parents and my brother at BWW here in Vancouver and then we went to Illani for casino fun (see picture above) and then ended the night back at home after new year with Pendleton!

It was been an amazing 2018 holiday season, one I will never forget! Until next year Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.

` they say there's a fine line between love and hate, and they're right -- you're on that side ( l o v e ) and i'm on this one ( h a t e ) ,

movie therapists tell all the sad and hate-filled main characters to write down their feelings in letters, or journals, because it'll "help." i really don't think it will, but that's more because at this point i don't think ANYTHING will help me. but if there's even the slightest chance...you should, right? i know that's what some people would say.

dear yura-noona,

you're literally the shittiest sister someone could ever have, and i hate you. i guess that's not what little brothers are supposed to say to their sisters, but. there you have it. you're a piece of shit, and sometimes i wish you were dead--or better yet, never born.

but at the same time...i really dont. i dont wish you were dead. i dont wish that you were never born. i dont hate you. not at all. and i hate THAT. i still remember hiding from mom together under your ugly barbie blankets, i still remember that time you played doctor and helped me when dad went a little overboard. i still remember singing to the few disney movies we had, and watching all your bad tv dramas.

i'm not saying everything was perfect, because it wasn't. you hit me almost as much as mom did, and we screamed at each other more than we talked normally, and i still remember when you threw my toys into the fireplace and lied to dad's face just so that he'd hit me instead of you.

it wasn't great before high school, but it wasn't the worst either. and then you did some really bad things to me in first year. things that i didn't realize were as bad as they were, until i got some...better people in my life.

...you and your "girls." ...they still give me nightmares, sometimes, when i can actually sleep. and it all only gets worse when i see your face on the news sometimes, but despite everything...im not mad. i dont hate you like i should. and i watch til the end of the broadcast, every time, just to be sure you're okay.

because you know...i get now, that it's not you. that it's mom, that it's dad. and you were just doing what you had to, to save yourself. and now that im...in a better place i guess, i realize just how shitty that is, but i'd have probably done the same. so i can't blame you.

and i dont hate you. i HATE that i dont hate you, and i hate that i still worry about you.

i hate MYSELF because i still love you,

- chanyeol

dear baechu,

i still can't believe how much i fuckin miss you. i don't think youre supposed to write to dead people, like im pretty sure thats bad and weird but i just. there's so many feelings, and this is supposed to be an outlet, and if you were here right now, i. i dont even know what i'd say. i think about it a lot--what id say if i woke up one day and you werent actually gone, and everything was okay again. because its not even close to okay right now, and i dont think it ever will be again, but...but im trying. because. because "take care?" was one of the last things you said to me, and its one of the only things that stops me when i get...bad. and then i think of that, but it just makes me so sad i actually want to die, but i CANT. ...i wont.

and if you were here again, id tell you that i hate how much power you still have over me, even if youre not here, and-- no. no i wouldnt. id tell you how sorry i am that im a piece of shit, and that im sorry you ever got involved with me in the first place, and that im sorry you suffered so much because of me. id tell you how sorry i am that i got you KILLED. that i couldn't help you because i was fucking LATE . AGAIN.

and id apologize for being the absolute shittiest oppa on the planet, and for just...everything. im still sorry i kept you waiting at graduation. i bet you looked wonderful, before all your flowers wilted, and you got upset because i didnt remember until several hours after the fact. im sorry you never made it very far into college, or pursued any of your dreams. im sorry that it was because of me, and that i took your whole life away. im sorry that you never got to do what you wanted, and that its because i had a few shots too many and spent too long falling on my ass in the crowd while they were MURDERING you.

im sorry that i was just that much too late one too many times, and i HATE that youre dead because of that. if i hadnt been drinking, or gone out at all, youd still be here, trying to get me to wear nicer shoes, and be more polite, instead of in the cemetery, and im just--im so sorry.

i still love you more than you probably ever knew, and i dont know the words to express how sorry i still am that i killed you and how much i HATE M Y S E L F for it.

- with love, chanyeol

dear zitao,

i actually dont know what to say. i think youre a pretty awful person--maybe worse than me, and im not sorry that youre dead. im only sorry i spent so long on you when i dont think you really deserved it, and im sorry about how much pain you ve caused sehun and im angry actually that you just went and got yourself killed after ruining everything--ruining ME. ruining sehun--one of the only people breathing on this earth that means anything to me.

but more than that, i hate MYSELF for getting involved with you and not getting out sooner, and ruining my relationship with yura-noona--the only person from my family that actually matters to me.

now that the shock is gone, the hurt gone, and now that im thinking clearer because i have to be sober, because you fucked EvERYTHING up im not sad anymore. im not upset. not that you're dead--only that your death caused sehun more pain than it had any right to and he almost DIED because of it.

and i guess more than any of THAT, i hate MYSELF for introducing sehun to you, and bringing you home, and into our lives and i hate that if it wasn't for that, sehun wouldn't have tried to kill himself.

sometimes i wish i'd never actually met you. so many things would be better, but even still.

i hate myself because i miss you.

- cànliè

p.s. im also sorry for all the times I hurt YOU and all the pain i caused--without thinking about it, and intentional. im sorry that you suffered because of me, and im sorry that i made everything as shitty as possible for a long time before i pulled my head out of my ass. im sorry that you were miserable enough with me to go to others for basic things like comfort or sex, and i hate myself because I did that to YOU.

and i hate that if your father hadn't come and murdered you because of reasons i still don't really understand, that you'd have probably killed yourself because of me anyway. so im sorry. i hate that im sorry, and i hate that any of this ever happened at all.

and i hate myself because maybe i'm the shittier person and you didn't deserve anything that happened to you after all.

dear sehun,

i dont even know where to start. im sorry that im an awful hyung and im so so thankful that you're still alive and here with me, and im sorry that you've had to suffer so much for me. when we were younger, i didnt realize just how much you would come to mean to me through the years--i didnt know that standing up for one scrawny kid and scaring the bullies off would lead to what we have today. and im not even sure what it is--its more than friendship, but i cant say you feel like family because my family is...well, you know. that's why you're here, with me. rather than with yura-noona.

and even if it left me with a scar, and even if it's what led to the start of everything going bad with her, and my parents--well, more than it already was--i dont regret saving you from her. part of me thinks i should. part of me thinks it was really stupid. i didnt know you. all i knew was that you were kinda lame, and couldn't take a hit for shit, and that you seemed like a nice kid, and i still have no idea why i went against the only person at the time that meant anything to me--the only one that was kinda on my side, sometimes--just to help get you out, but. i'm glad i did.

i don't know what i'd do without you. we have our moments, sure, but you help keep me grounded, keep me sane...keep me alive. sehun i cant even count the number of times i wanted to just end it all, and didn't because of you.

because you believe in me. you trust me, even after i failed you too many times to keep track of. you're there for me, and im sorry that i'm not always there for you. im sorry that i dont give you 100% like you give me, and i'm sorry that i dont always notice things, and that i'm the shittest hyung you could ever get stuck with IM SORRY.

...im sorry that i was almost too late to save you when you...yeah. i'm sorry i wasn't there sooner. i'm sorry that it happened because i ...brought zitao home,a nd got us into this mess in the first place. i'm sorry that i couldn't do better for you, that i cANT do better for you, and im sorry that you're stuck with me, and all of the pain that comes with me.

im sorry that i've failed you so many times, and im sorry that i've broken almost every promise i've ever made, and that i can't always keep you safe, or happy, and i'm sorry that i'm not superman, and i HATE that i can't be.

you're the best thing that's ever happened to me sehun, and im sorry and i hate myself because i must be the opposite for you. im really trying harder to be the person you make me out to be, and i hate that i can't achieve it. im sorry.

- chanyeol

dear joohyun-noona,

im sorry that we met the way we did. but im thankful that you helped me, instead of turning me away or leaving me to just...yeah. and i dont have the words but...thank you. without you i'd actually be dead, and even though it hurts and im more ashamed than i know how to say, i'd rather feel that than be, you know..gone. so thank you. thank you.

thank you for believing in me too, and for always saying the nicest things, even though i dont deserve to hear them, and i don't understand how you mean them. i know youre sincere, i just dont know how or WHY. im a monster compared to you, and i dont understand how you havent run screaming yet, or why you insist that im not because i AM and.

and i hate that i can't believe you. i want to noona, i do. but i can't, because there's just so much bad, and so many things i've done wrong, and i just. between stitches and real food and crashing on your couch ive come to love you a lot more than i have any right to, and im sorry that i dont deserve what you give me in return.

im sorry im always a mess, and taking up your time, and getting your clean floors dirty. im sorry that i cling, and break down too often, and i know you say you dont mind but how can you not? i haven't done anything in return except give you headaches, and i hate that.

i hate that you say nice things about me, that you tell me nice things, and make me think that i can be something better than i am, and i hate myself because i can't live up to those standards.

i hate myself even more because i know, if i really tried, i probably could. but im selfish, and there's so many things wrong with me, and so many things ive done WRONG that i dont...i dont deserve for things to get better. i dont deserve to try harder and turn things around, and i dont deserve the good that would come with that.

i dont deserve you at all and i hate myself because i can't let you go.

- chanyeol

dear yongguk-hyung,

i really dont know what to say except im sorry. i know you tried to help me in school and i really do appreciate it. even if it seems like i've thrown away everything you tried to help me with, its not because i hate you or what you tried to teach me. i just. bad things happened, and i hate that everything we did together just...fell away. i dont even know a good phrase for that, because nothing stuck, and im sorry for that too. that im a fuck up and a failure, and i hate myself because all i did was waste your time--time you could have used to make money off of other kids who actually had a future.

im sorry that i couldnt live up to what you wanted, and im sorry that we met again in the way we did, and i hate how awful i've become, and how awkward it is, and i hate that you look at me the way you do, but i dont hate you hyung. i hate ME.

i hate that im worthless, and useless and that i'm the actual biggest screwup ever, and im sorry that i broke the promises i made you. im sorry that i couldnt do better. and im sorry that you have to see me like this now.

every time i see you, the shame and regret and guilt are almost too much for me, and im sorry that it gets in the way of anything you try to say to me now. im sorry that i cant listen like i should, and i hate that i've disappointed you so much. ...and not just in school. or based on how many english words i remembered from our lessons.

im sorry that i'm an embarrassment, and that you have to deal with me again, and im just. so sorry that i didn't live up to your expectations.

i'm sorry that i can't be the person that you wanted me to be, and i hate myself because i still want you to treat me like i am.

- chanyeol