movie night

this show would be good if literally everything about it was different

never have i been so entirely exhausted from sitting in front of a laptop in a dark room for three hours gay! and so full of delight and happiness! like wow! i have not felt this good in ages!! and its a good kind of tired! i feel like im glowing!

but shit, the update is more than i could've dreamed of. like i said - three straight hours of combing, and i probably still missed a thing or two! i'm even saving the storytime audio to enjoy in the morning, i haven't listened to it yet!

i already have so many thoughts and emotions but i'm... so wiped out oh my god lmao. so much new stuff at once! i need to sleep on it all! and in the morning i will be more than happy to reply, interact, answer asks on this subject, share my actual thoughts - i just need to take the rest of the night to Process and rest, yk yk

and i know i "missed" some links on my liveblog! i know i know! i didn't add every single thing i found - like most of the Wally audios - because i'll be compiling them all into a labeled post tomorrow! when i wake up! i'm already looking forward to it <3 i'm confident i personally found all of them, though! i was Thorough! i went through everything at least twice, i tabbed through, i clicked on Everything...

but yes i hope you all are having a wonderful Update Day/Evening/Morning/Afternoon As The Case May Be. this is truly a delight and again, more than i could've dreamed of. i'd forgotten what it's like to be so wholly excited and delighted by something! it's been so long since i've felt this kind of genuine joy and whimsy! usually im white-knuckling my optimism and happiness but tonight it was all authentic 100% non-forced From The Soul!

You guys I’m posting so many polls to get my engagement up but it’s not like how it used to be before 😂😭😂😂 ever since even before March when i took that month long break for Ramadan, my notifs were so dry n dead and it’s just not how it was before and i wish i could go back in time when everything was lit and fun but i just don’t know what happened it’s like everyone tuned out and then when i took that break, even more people tuned out and no one came back 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

after almost five months im finally fully caught up with one piece manga 😭 it's so surreal!

Went skimming thru late trimax For Reasons, got caught up reading the Legato fight, realized things about the fight that I never had before & went WOW, I kind of want to write an analysis post right now!

Felt the same kind of insanity grip me, however momentarily, that fueled all my analysis posts however many months ago. Too tired to actually word things coherently right now, but...

I May or may not have a full(ish?) analysis of the Legato & Vash fight a la style of This post analyzing the Trigun: Multiple Bullets fight that got unexpectedly kind of popular. People seemed to really appreciate that one, & I even had some ppl saying it could be cool if I did that for others?

So. Legato fight. Maybe. Feel free to remind me later if u see no mention of it again for over a week lol

once more thinking about The Morning Of New Years 2001 and its just now dawning on me that arakawa really chugged two bottles of booze and smoked A Fuck Bitch of ciggies Presumably before noon. like dire situation i know but god damn guy got a lot done in two hours

i was gonna make a post yesterday like uhh 'dawn of the final day' and all that but i was doing some last minute crunch which i put off and forgot to do so cuz of that,,

but none of that matters anymore because i DID THE DEED WOOO I PASSED IM DONE IM FINISHED MATURITA DONE GG GAMERS YIPPEEE 🍾🍾🍾🥂🥳

i don't usually get insecure about my writing but i am reading this back & banging my head against the wall i feel like i still have so much to write even though i've been working on this for TWO AND A HALF MONTHSSSSS I'M NOT EVEN FINISHED WRITING ALL OF ITTTT (though tbf this is by FAR not the longest it's taken me to finish a wip) i s2g the world has never seen blander prose. the action is falling FLAT and i can't make it flow right & i'm gonna have to go back and edit all of this shit and that's gonna take FOREVERRRRR & ugh i thought i could see the light at the end of the tunnel but i very much Cannot actually. no one's in character and there is zilch actual worldbuilding & idk what the hell is going on!!

rare (actually very common) james vulnerability post um im kind of hating having bpd right now. i reeeeally really hate how the smallest thing completely sets me off and i HATE gettinf close to people and then having to hit them with the “btw if i get even the slightest feeling you dont like me or that im being replaced i absolutely will not confront it directly and will instead opt to just never ever speak again and be mad for 6 months straight” and its cost me a lot of close friendships! i’m in therapy and i am on medication and i have been for months but for some reason it’s just ??? not working??? i dunno but im feeling very Not great tonite james nation 💔 sighs soo hard and goes back to drawing star trek yuri

Was gonna sleep in. Instead woke up randomly at 5 am and have been writing a fix it steddyhands fic since then

I work in like. six hours. I have gotten maybe four hours sleep. Today is a double shift day that'll have me working bit late into the night.

This is fine.

this has been the most week

Me: I'm gonna do so much after I shower!

Me one shower later: (gets sad, falls asleep on couch, wakes up three hours later like WHAT)

me rambling about "Staring at the Sun" by Jacob Gellar and how much it smacked me in the face under the cut lol (contains exactly ZERO spoilers for TotK 💙)

AS SOON as i saw that his video would touch on the quests it does in some way i knew it'd fuck me up for a week or two but i didnt expect it to go that way - he rarely dives into the base plot of these things so i knew that was safe but ohhhh man

ive not played The Last Guardian but i know its one of my best friends favourite games, though the light in watching my partner play Shadow of the Colossus was amazing to see, but this really hit me hard because it pin-pointed one of the things i love most and maybe why i just love being in the world of Tears of the Kingdom (and BotW) so much ?? ive always been a fan of impressionist art too, and Turner as well, i've been trying to push myself into that space in my own art for so long. i always feel mega cliche saying these really well known artists are my favourites but i truly mean it jfdkjf ... this is probably one of the reasons i appreciated how bright and chipper the art style for Skyward Sword was with its fading blues and 'brush strokes', but it just doesnt compare to Breath or Tears with the amount of work the light puts in now, i spend so much time just STARING and ive just realised its usually at the light playing the forms and atmosphere in a real but beyond real way

i'm stuck in two art world of really enjoying doing linework and texture - and being reasonable at it - but wanting to go into colour and light though ive never been comfortable with doing so for some reason ??? im trying but i often just forget to try when im just drawing something self-indulgent and silly (most of what i have time for)

the play of light off cave art and that theory has lodged in my head forever too, As A Nerd On Such Things, there's something absolutely stunning about cave art, how it was made how it was put there and why how it was supposed to be viewed if at all, anything. absolutely fascinating, especially with the seemingly shifting images of Chauvet & Lascaux caves ??

a thing that always stuck with me as well - it might seem like a bizarre pull but it feels the same to me - is actually how the sun is portrayed and animated in the 1978 Watership Down ??? pulsing and moving and quaking with pattern and colour, not to be seen properly by us on earth, but you cant NOT look. i've not shaken the imagery of the sun from that movie from my mind since the first time i saw it as a child im STILL obsessed, it STILL almost haunts me

additionally, as someone who's repeatedly defended how these games look to people who complain about framerates and textures and whatever, i appreciate this. don't get me wrong, it doesnt HURT, especially from such a large gaming company (not that Nintendo have ever put heavy focus on the technical specs of their products though lets be real) but Breath/Tears just emphasises how much art direction or a vision can carry a project compared to other high-spec but ultimately forgettable titles. maybe a little much salt in that sentiment on my end but boy it bothers me when its all people can think about.

i'm gonna be stuck here for another few weeks lol this happens every time Jacob posts a video theyre ALL so winding and drawn out and beautiful gjfkds fuck

...

time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist