#but i also have always mimicked animals as a stim. so a lot of them come from that. im pretty sure i used to meow when younger too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

psi-king-roadie · 3 years

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Raz is autistic.

Not just autistic-coded— although you can claim that his psychic powers could me a methaphor for autism if you want— but also just autistic. Why? Here is my essay:

He stims. The boy stims!!! A lot!!! If you stay motionless in either PS 1 or 2, the kid can’t stay still, and has idle animations of doing acrobatics and stretches in place as well as dancing, mimicking Bobby Zilch’s infamous taunting dance.

He has trouble connecting with his peers in both games, from the campers at whispering rock claiming he’s a lake monster, to the interns hazing him and using him to fulfill their tasks to get out of work. Even his own siblings like to mess with him, or are just straight up cruel to him (we’ll get back to them later).

Outside of Lili, Dogen, and maybe Sam, Raz doesn’t make friends with kids his own age easily —or at least fails to catch social cues on people thinking he is too focused on being a psychic— and often gravitates to connecting with his teachers, mentors, and painters in insane asylums (I always got the feeling he got along better with Edgar Teegle, especially considering he references the painter in Rhombus of Ruin). He even had trouble connecting with Lili at first. Side note: She’s also neurodivergent, but was less engaging at first because she was under-stimulated. Until Raz connected with her about their shared nightmare, when she revealed she read the same comics he did, she mocked him almost as cruelly as Bobby.

When he goes into Helmut’s mind, he knows what Sensory Overload and Panic Attacks is. Raz is fairly young, so it’s surprising that he knows about these terms as well as what they means in the context of the situation. Therefore, its likely that he’s experienced both of these before. Probably during a performance when he was younger, since he now seems to be very comfortable performing in front of people despite being so young. Bear in mind, I’m using his younger siblings as reference for how young the Aquatos are when they start performing. Raz most likely learned to somersault before he learned to crawl. So odds were there have been a fair share of baby Aquatos having temper tantrums on stage.

My bet is that Augustus used to use his mental link with Raz to help him calm down, through telekinesis and telepathy. This in turn helped awaken Raz’s psychic abilities, allowing him to read minds. Raz seems to be the only one who can do it in the first game, since he reads Lili’s mind multiple times. Hence, this is why Raz is hyper focused on learning to broaden his psychic horizons. It brings him comfort to learn to control them.

Furthermore, being psychic can be an extended metaphor of him being autistic because of how his family treats him. Some of his family members accept him as a psychic, like his father, and even recognize it as a part of family history —which is an important look at how mental disorders are commonly genetic but have been mistreated in earlier generations due to misunderstanding of mental conditions— allowing Augustus to embrace his own powers. Meanwhile, others think of it as “just a phase” and choose to ignore it, like his mother, or outright use him being psychic as blame for all the family’s problems, like Dion or Frazie.

Everything tying into a Family Curse is often how mental disorders like Autism, ADD, ADHD, BPD, Bipolar Disorder, etc, are all written off in many families, and as a result they’re misunderstood, which only end up hurting future generations when they’re ignored or not addressed in a healthy way.

Which is why the ending to the game very important to me OK?????

In conclusion, Raz is autistic because of this evidence I’ve presented but also because I like Raz as a character and I project onto characters I like. Hope you liked my TED Talk.

The End 🧠

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #rhombus of ruin #razputin aquato #psychonauts razputin #mental stretches || headcanons #vision post || text #spoilers #psychonauts spoilers #psychonauts 2 spoilers #long post

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adhbabey · 3 years

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2, 4, 18, 25

2. What's your current hyperfixations?

I be having several. Like Toilet Bound Hanako Kun, an anime about school ghost stories/mysteries (like the one who grants wishes in the bathroom). Among Us and Genshin Impact are other ones (I main purple and Keqing).

And Vampires, Fairies, Fantasy and Cats will always be my hyperfixations. Idk, i have more I think.

4. What's your favourite stim?

So I have echolalia so I make a lot of noises like "Weh", "Nya", or "Ayayaya", but baby noises like mimicking a baby laugh is fun. (Like eh! eh! ehck!) But I also make bead bracelets so I shake multiple of them on my wrists and it makes me feel good.

I also dance around n stuff n that's fun!

18. Do you have a constant special interest you never get tired of?

• Vampires! I love all forms of vampire media and anime n stuff, or at least, most.

• Alice in Wonderland. Like any sort of own thing based on that I consume like wildfire! Also fashion or aesthetics! It's my favourite and delicious. And just a whole treat! Even bad horror movies!

• Fantasy stuff. Fantasy media, mythology, fantasy anything! Along with that, supernatural and paranormal stuff, so ghosts, the occult, divination, etc!!!

• Similar to the above, The Fey/Fae, I said fairies loosely before, but I really mean the fey and all of the aesthetics and vibes that come with it.

• Cats! I've loved them ever since I was a child and adore them to this day! But it's also a hyperfixation I was severely bullied by, so them getting hurt in any way is a huge trigger of mine. They have my heart, though.

25. How do you learn? (visually, kinsetically, etc.)

I would say it's a whole mix. But definitely a visual aspect and hands on aspect is a big part.

I learn best while in the class and the environment of a classroom. I couldn't do an online class if I tried, at least not without meds. (I'm so glad im not in school rn)

I need to also stim when I'm learning, I listen best if I'm doodling. I also need written instructions or I'll forget.

#babey asks #ask game

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minkco · 3 years

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Ethan agere hcs but I am remaining ~anonymous~ KDJDKD

Ok so like, I can see him regressing anywhere between like 2-5 depending on his mood- more hyper moods mean a slightly older feeling, that kinda thing. Also he gets like REALLY clingy and shit like he Does Not like being alone at all when regressed kdhdkdjdj-

He stims a lot by just wiggling around or babbling, also has a lot of chewy stims and stuff- he also eats a lot when he's regressed bc like ✨snacks✨

Oh my gosh that’s so cute i - !!!

And you’re Totally correct he Hates being alone! He is just a baby!!!

So like. For a Bit he was regressing alone, and it was Fine? It was just a coping mechanism, he didnt need it to be, like, Great or anything after all. Sure, he felt lonely and cold and sad more often than not, but he could always just turn the TV volume higher !!

And then. Mark and Amy find out and Wow its So Much Better - honestly the most Noticeable difference is that now he gets to cuddle Whenever He Wants But this is about Eef specifically (though i could go on about all three of them), so yES him stimming by wiggling and babbling is so cute !! he just likes to parrot funny sounds and names that he hears from cartoons and stuff Once he heard Dexter from dexters laboratory go DEE DEE he would Not stop mimicking it and giggling to himself for the rest of the day, same goes for spongebob’s laugh

Also, he has So Many fuzzy blankets? And thats partly where the wiggling comes from - he’ll just drape them around himself like a cape or spread them on the floor and roll around on them to feel the soft fabric against his skin

But he also just. Loves randomly jumping around and shaking out his arms and legs and wiggling like a little worm at Any chance he gets

He unironically likes using hooked on phonics. Like. he can sit in front of a computer for Hours just watching the funny animals move around and talk, and he loves repeating the syllables even if its hard to Read them sometimes

(usually whoever his caretaker is will have to sit with him and click on the right words just to they can get to the next stage)

And !! aaa all of the chewy stims !! He buys from a store that specifically has stim toys for kids, so he’ll just be walking around, chewing on Thomas the Tank Engine’s head or something

SPEAkING OF he Loves toy trains and cars !! is it stereotypical? Maybe. But can you Blame him the wheels make a funky sound when he turns them and they’re fun to crash into each other Over time, he also develops a little hierarchy of cars. The Volkswagen bugs are at the top because theyre the coolest, and then whatever cars are the most brightly-colored, and so forth Depending on his mood and age, he’ll either battle them to the death or have them compete for each other’s hearts a la bachelorette

Okay these were. Really scattered and niche but Yes i have so many of these hcs and id love to hear more :ooo

#age regression #asks

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witchsheartbooks · 4 years

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Hiya! Could I request Claire and the boys with a autistic s/o 👉👈 sorry if this seems a little weird but I'm curious 👉👈

As someone who is on the Autistic spectrum, I felt the need to write this one personally. Please don’t feel embarrassed at all, I’m glad I was able to write a set of head canons for this considering my own position on the spectrum. I’ll be answering two prompts in one here. The old request was an S/O with Autism on a date with the boys and Claire. I do hope you enjoy.~

Wilardo:

The two of you are out and about. Wil decided to take you to a botanical garden and specifically over to a vast section of flowers that you were quite interested in.

You happen to see one of your favorite subspecies of flower and begin to flap your hands.

Wil always found your little quirks endearing so any time he noticed you stimming in a positive manner he couldn’t help but crack a subtle smile in your direction

His good mood is interrupted however when he notices a group of passerbys begin to point and laugh.

Tears start to brim in your eyes as your stimming is interrupted and you hide behind Wilardo, utterly embarrassed due to the people poking fun at you.

Wilardo is silently fuming but he was reluctant to leave you since you were going into a crisis mode.

Instead he pats your head briefly before calling out, “Hey. Mind your own business or go somewhere else. I know the owner of this garden and they’d gladly kick you out with a simple word from me.”

He flashes a smug triumphant grin in their direction.

The ableists whine like the little snow flakes they are and leave.

Wilardo then turned his attention to you, his tone softening.

“Come with me.”

He gently takes your hand and leads you to a secluded part of the garden that had been roped off.

He continues to lead you even further inside, weaving through a rose hedge maze.

Roses were another flower you enjoyed so you focused on them as the two of you walked.

When you both reached the center of the maze there were several cherry blossom trees cusping over a large koi pond.

The two of you sit in a small wood fixture that was suspended partially over the pond.

He had brought you here mostly due to how easily overstimulated you could get especially while in crisis mode.

You nod, letting your leg bounce so you could stim.

“Just because they said those things. Doesn’t mean I’ll even judge you for stimming, [Y/N].”

You nod eagerly and scoot closer to him while the two of you watch the swimming Koi.

“Next time I see ‘em though I’ll kick their teeth in.~” He quipped at you with a grin.

Sirius:

He had brought you both to one of those public tea rooms.

Usually the lavender was the type to enjoy such pleasantries with you at home.

But regardless of spoiling you himself with his own skills he was not one to avoid spending atleast some of his earnings on his partner.

So as a change of pace he brought you out today.

And as nervous as he often was with going out into public, he felt confidence when bringing you.

Sirius held great admiration towards you, namely your ability to be yourself even considering how unique you were.

Which is why when hearing an odd comment from the member of the wait staff who had been attending you both his softer expression with you hardened.

Turning to the waiter in question, he stood.

And this was deemed odd considering Sirius was not one to make a scene in public. Perhaps at home should something happen but never when the two of you were out.

With a smile of which that you could only assume put the waiter in his place, Sirius stated this. “I do believe I’ll have a word with your store owner. Now.”

The waiter froze, attempting to mumble protests but Sirius was having none of it. “ I don’t believe I asked for your input on the matter, Did I? No I believe you over extended that yourself a moment ago when saying what you did about my partner. Now. If you don’t bring your store owner to me I’ll gladly find them myself. Considering I’m a regular and we know eachother quite well.”

Defeated, the waiter scurried off and into the back prep room.

Neither of you saw him again for the rest of that evening but instead you were both attended to by the store owner themselves.

They had set down one of those slow rise sweet shaped stim toys for you after having taken your order.

The rest of the afternoon was lovely, and the store owner had been sure to speak in length to Sirius concerning proper preparations for you both next time.

And you may have heard correctly but the earlier waiter seemed to have been dismissed from service entirely.

You talked about how much fun you had to Sirius on the way home.

Info dumping about the little things and that you liked that place because it wasn’t loud!

You had also explained again that most time you couldn’t go out for public outings since it was so loud.

Sirius had known your reasonings but listened again none the less.

Upon returning home the two of you sat in the library and picked out a few books.

Sirius would put off his duties for the day just abit longer in favor of some more time with you.

Noel:

He often struggled with the idea of public dates, namely because of how many would give him attention and it would detract from his time with you.

So today Noel had decided to bring you to a star gazing observatory.

You both arrived late in the evening, not many people were here other than the occasional maintenance staff for the equipment and the building itself.

The building itself was beautiful.

After only entering in the bottom floor you were enamored with all the stars littering the walls and ceilings.

You stimmed with your hands as you moved from one location to another.

The blonde only smiled, remembering a place like this one himself.

When his mom was still around, she’d wisp them both away to an observatory that she’d privately reserve just for her, and her son.

Noel would fall asleep in her lap on these visits while she would point out the constellations and talk about star names that would make up each constellation.

He had retained a lot of this knowledge from both hearing it and brushing up on it himself later in life by reading those same books again.

Approaching your side, he directed your attention to some of the mimicked constellations on the ceiling.

Softly stating their names and which stars made up each one.

Your eyes lit up, listening to him talk. He knew so much and it amazed you!

He continued his explanations as the two of you ascended the narrow spiral stair case to the tower itself.

Helping you to the top, he then lingered by the telescope and gestured for you to come closer.

“ Y/N I want you to look through the lens. “

Your head tilts but you do so anyway.

Shoulders dropping as countless numbers of stars dance across your vision.

You pull back and stare at him, mouth agape.

Noel only smiles, laughing softly once before encouraging you again. “Go on. It’s ok. Look as much as you like!”

It wasn’t often that Noel could share his passion like this with another.

In fact it was difficult for him to downplay his own interest like this in favor of feeling he may scare you off.

But to be proven wrong, it had his chest swell, looking at you like this now.

Perhaps he could share more with you than he had first imagined.

Ashe:

As boyfriends go, Ashe was protective, to put it lightly.

It wasn’t that he was possessive, no.

He was just paranoid when it came to not being in charge of certain situations.

You equated this to his trauma and did your best to be understanding of his situation

And you both have been quite good with communication especially when you felt he was being too cautious.

So after a lengthy discussion, Ashe caves and takes you somewhere he had often wanted to.

The two of you arrive at this small charming little café off the side of town.

Pastries, sweets, sandwiches, teas and even hand crafted sweet drinks were a specialty here.

The expanse of the menu was nearly overwhelming.

Ashe having expected this, had spoken to the wait staff ahead of time in asking to be seated in one of the quieter corners and to be given more time to look things over.

Though Ashe would often get the same thing from this location,he didn’t want you to feel pressured or rushed.

You were aware of your boyfriends hobbies so you asked him about the menu, he gave his own recommendations as well as stating which items he could and would make for you at home should you ever ask.

You settle on a softer mousse cake, and lavender milk tea.

Ashe orders a strawberry mousse cake for himself, and hibiscus tea.

When yours arrives, you try a bite and melt in place, eyes lit up as you simply stare at it.

Ashe laughs softly, “My my, Y/N is it truly that amazing?”

He made a mental note to make some for you himself at a later date.

Ashe enjoyed making sweets and meals for you, and as nice as it was to take you out.

There was a sense of pride for him with being able to make such things for you completely by himself.

On the way home you chattered about the cake and about how cute the location was.

All Ashe could do was watch your smile.

There was, a bittersweet nostalgia present here.

But he chose to keep it to himself.

For perhaps one day he’d choose to stop burying it.

Claire:

As bubbly as Claire was, she was often focused on doing things you wanted to do.

You both played off of each other well considering you both had sensory stims.

So, Claire understood you best or atleast that’s what you felt.

She took your hand and you both walked together to the farmers market.

She wanted to get some ingredients to bake with you today but you had no idea that she was bringing you here for another reason as well.

You pause and perk up once you both reach one of the corners of the market.

A petting zoo. There were so many animals, bunnies, small puppies and kittens, chickens, llamas, goats, and even a few baby calves.

You bounce in place turning to her and giving her the largest pair of puppy eyes you could manage.

Claire laughs and rubs your shoulder, “I didn’t only bring you here to shop! Let’s go see the new friends we can meet, ok?”

You throw both your hands up briefly and do a little skip as you take her hand and bring her along with you.

You both enter the small little zoo and you fixate on the bunnies.

There were so many and most all of them were bundled on top of each other in one corner of the open top enclosure.

They seemed to be sleeping so instead of interrupting you only chose to try to count how many were there sleeping.

Hopping from each enclosure, you’d either gently pat some of the animals there or you’d count all the ones that were sleeping.

A high pitched meow resonated near you and you looked down to see this tiny black kitten curling up on your foot.

Flapping your hands, you rub at your eyes briefly so not to cry over how cute it is before scooping it up.

You turn to Claire and stick out your lip.

She pauses and says, “Oh! That ones, cute-“

Then the realization resonates, “Ooooh, you want to bring it back with us huh?”

You nod, having gone non verbal. You gently squish the kitten in both of your arms as it chooses to nap there.

“Hm….ok!” Claire steps aside to talk to the owner and after some brief haggling you both walk away with a new small friend.

Later the two of you arrive home and you’re glued to the little fuzzball for the rest of the evening in between helping Claire with dinner and dessert.

~Mod Sirius

#Witch's Heart #Claire Elford #Wilardo Adler #Sirius Gibson #Noel Levine #Ashe Bradley #Actually Autistic #I put that tag because yes this writer is autistic #Mod Sirius #Headcanon #Anonymous

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aquaburst3 · 5 years

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It’s Autistic Acceptance Month. Every year I like doing random posts talking about Autism. And this year I want to try something different.

I’ve seen posts about how to write an autistic character for non-autistic authors, but never from the perspective of an autistic person writing an autistic character. I’ve also seen fellow autistic people say that they want to write autistic main characters in their stories, but aren’t sure how to go about it. So, with all that in mind, here are my tips and advice for autistic writers who want to add autistic characters into their stories.

Disclaimer: I’m by no means an expert at this, so take this with a heap of salt.

--First off, if you’re on the spectrum, you have a stronger grasp on what it’s really like to be autistic and can draw from your personal experience. That isn’t to say that you don’t have to do any research in order to make the character, just that you will have an easier time crafting a more believable character then someone who isn’t autistic.

--You probably heard that saying, “If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism.” There's a reason why that's a saying. Everyone on the spectrum is different. For example, the sound of metallic noises and fireworks bothers me while that never bothers some of autistic friends. Some autistic people hate veggies while I hate the texture of meat inside of my mouth outside of fish and love eating foods filled with fruits and veggies. I speak too loudly a lot of the time while others are more soft spoken. Well...you get the idea.

Keep in mind that unless you’re writing a self insert, your character isn’t the same as you and would display their autistic traits differently. Knowing others on the spectrum might help, since you have an example of someone else on the spectrum besides you. Doing thought exercises about how a character’s background affects them would also help in this area.

Also, don’t treat the character’s autistic traits like a checklist where you make sure the character has all the autistic traits listed off on an article. Like I said before, everyone in the spectrum is different. Just because a trait is prominent in one person, doesn’t mean it would be in some else. Same goes for your character.

-- Seek out multiple sources while doing your research to get a more well rounded perspective. These can be from several fellow autistic people about their experiences, organizations helmed by autistic people like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network and the National Autistic Society or talk to your autistic friends or loved ones. Stay away from A//utism Spea//ks and similar so-called organizations like the plague.

-- If you’re writing an autistic female character (cis gendered or trans), things might get more tricky. Unfortunately, a lot of the research on autism was conducted on boys while a lot of people who don’t fall into that category go undiagnosed. But there are sites with articles that focus on autistic girls.

The main difference, far as I’m aware, is that we’re good at subconsciously camouflaging our autistic traits by mimicking our non-autistic peers in order to blend in.

Other then that, while every autistic person is different and not all of these apply to every girl, here are some common characteristics fond in autistic girls that aren’t always in our male counterparts:

A special interest in animals, music, art, and literature. (Some Autistic women tend to get careers in these fields as well.)

A strong imagination (Might escape into the worlds of nature or fiction)

Tend to be perfectionists. This can include their looks and body.

Less prone to lash out verbally or psychically while having meltdowns and in general.

Make greater efforts to not draw attention to themselves.

More socially aware.

Want to connect and socialize with others, but have trouble doing so.

Stimming behaviour is more subtitle. (For example, twiddling an object instead of rocking or flapping their hands.) Some women internalize stimming instead of doing it externally.

Can keep their emotions in check in social settings, but be prone to meltdowns or explosive behaviour in private.

(Information taken from taniaannmarshall’s “Aspiewomen” blog, which is a great resource on this subject.)

Being a autistic woman myself, that all sounds about right. (Although, I do externally stim by twiddling pieces of paper, but that’s just me.)

-- If you are planning to write an autistic POC and LGBT character, but aren’t POC or LGBT yourself, research those topics and seek out other autistic people in those groups in order to write the character respectfully.

-- Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any info about how autistic traits show up in genders other then guys and girls. Same advice as the point before. Seek out other autistic people who identify as the same way as your character (genderfluid, non-binary, demi boy, demi girl, queer, etc) and ask them questions in order to write the character respectfully.

-- Most importantly, write them as a character first and don’t let autism be their defining trait. Because when you focus on a character's disability, sexuality, race, etc, that's how you create a token or a stereotypical character. When you write them as a character first, then that's how you make them more fleshed out and realistic. Autism isn’t a personality trait. There’s more to us then that.

As for how to write a good main character, that's another topic completely. Write them with plenty of strengths, weaknesses, different connections with the other characters and goals. Flesh them out and make them have contradictions within themselves. There are plenty of other writing channels on YouTube that explain it more in-depth if you want more info on that subject like Hello Future Me.

Not sure if any of this is helpful, but that’s my advice, anyways.

#aqua rambles #autism acceptance #autism rep

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thetadelta-moved · 6 years

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Therianthropy & The Autism Spectrum - A Dissection

This is a topic that gets thrown around a lot but is usually dismissed because of the hordes of people who stumble into therianthropy and immediately go “this is absurd, you’re all just autistic”, usually meaning it as an insult (joke’s on them, autistic people are awesome). The fact of the matter, however, is that therianthropy and the autism spectrum can look pretty similar on the surface so I’m gonna straighten some things out and maybe people will finally stop confusing the two.

There are a plethora of behaviors common with both therianthropy and autism, but though they manifest in the same way the distinction is the motivation for those behaviors. Let’s look at some examples:

Sally likes to make cat sounds and may meow at random times, either voluntarily or involuntarily, because doing so comforts her. She will sometimes meow at people instead of speaking because it is easier for her to express herself that way. Sally may have grown up with cats and learned to meow by mimicking them. Sally is autistic.

Sam has the urge to growl when she feels angry or threatened. She does not feel the need to growl at other times, and the physical sensation of growling is not her motivation for doing it. Sam growls because of instinct and did not learn to do it by watching dogs. Sam is a therian.

Jeremy likes to sit in strange positions. He does this because it puts pressure on certain parts of his body in ways that feel good and sitting this way helps him stay calm and focused. Jeremy is autistic.

George likes to sit in strange positions. He does this because it feels more natural to him to act as though he has four legs and sitting this way reduces the dysphoria he usually experiences when sitting normally. George is a therian.

Amy likes to sit in small, enclosed spaces. She does this because she is easily overwhelmed and having sensory input come from only one entrance is much easier for her to manage. Amy is autistic.

April likes to sit in small, enclosed spaces. She does this because she has the instinct to build a den and sitting in a den-like space feels “right”. April is a therian.

Henry has difficulty socializing. This is because he is unable to subconsciously learn the “rules” of social interaction, such as when and how loud to speak. Henry is autistic.

Harold has difficulty socializing. This is because he subconsciously expects people to follow a set of social “rules” for a different species. Harold is a therian.

Karen has an urge to eat grass. This is because she imagines the sensation of biting and chewing it will be very pleasant. Karen is autistic.

Carol has an urge to eat grass. This is because she has a grazing instinct and her subconscious tells her that grass is food. Carol is a therian.

Isaac feels like he was born on the wrong planet. This is because the way people interact with one another and the expectations of society feel completely foreign to him. Isaac is autistic.

Leroy feels as though he was born as the wrong species. This is because he often does not feel comfortable having a human body or living a human life. Leroy is a therian.

There are also plenty of behaviors that clearly fit into only one category or the other which makes it pretty easy to separate people on the spectrum from therians. For example:

Sally often does things like rock back and forth or bounce her leg when she is sitting. These are stims she uses to regulate herself.

Sam often has a strong urge to chase small animals. This is because she has predatory instincts.

Jeremy has difficulty starting and stopping tasks. This is because of executive dysfunction.

George sometimes feels like he has a tail. His tail is a phantom/astral limb.

Another important distinction is that autism is a constant, while therianthropy is generally inconsistent (because of shifting). People who are autistic have the same needs/traits/etc at all times, while a therian may feel completely human one day and dysfunctionally nonhuman the next.

The most important difference, however, is pretty obvious: therians identify as a nonhuman animal. An autistic person may identify with an animal but not as one. I wrote a detailed post about that difference a while back.

There is, of course, a glaring exception: a lot of people are both therians and on the autism spectrum! In fact, the number of people who identify themselves as on the spectrum is much higher among therians than in the rest of society. That doesn’t necessarily mean that therians are more likely to be autistic, however. My theory is that it’s simply easier to realize and accept that you’re not exactly human when you’re not wired to conform to society. A disproportionate number of people in the trans community are autistic for the same reason.

Discussion is very welcome, and as always please let me know if I need to correct anything!

#otherkin #therian #therianthropy #autism #this is a huge can of worms I wonder how much hate mail I'm gonna get #discovery #informative #basics

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okapiandpaste · 6 years

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sorry you're feeling sick. take care of yourself! If you feel like it, you could ramble a bit about your autistic headcanon characters and what stims/stim toys you think they prefer? Since you wanted Pokemon. Let's do Pokemon, whatever your headcanons are (N obviously, maybe Red)

Of course I feel like it ⋛⋋( ‘V’)⋌⋚ !

I have quite a few autistic headcanon characters for Pokemon: Red, N, Rosa/Mei, Kiawe, and Lillie (at this point after all our chatting about it lol)

Red:

Ever since he caught his Pikachu, he’s pretty much never without it. It’s always perched on his shoulder or in hand’s reach because it’s so darn soft. He also has a bunch of plush key-chains on his bag to fiddle with. Even though he is nonverbal, he moves his mouth a lot, either mimicking someone else’s movements or in an attempt to be expressive (or mock Green/Blue lol). Hats are a comfort item, and he has one at almost all times.

N feels most comfortable in tight fitting clothes that cover most of his body (hence the turtleneck). He moves his hands when nervous, so has plenty of jewelry to keep him occupied. Enjoys jingly noises, and his signature flappy arm and hand motions are accompanied by the sound of his bangles. A very visual and audio stimmer. He will totally spend hours watching/listening to the same thing over and over. Makes weird faces a lot.

Rosa/Mei:

She loves bright colors and always wears colorful clothes. She’s big on collecting things, and has plenty of superhero comics and magical girl manga to occupy her eyes. Sweet and bready foods are her favorite, as she is very sensitive to other tastes and textures. She really loves to move and runs/dances in her free time. Smooth things are her favorite, and she most of her Pokemon team is based off this (snivy is her starter).

Kiawe:

Very sensitive to cloth against his chest, so he is usually shirtless. Dancing has been his passion since childhood, as he really enjoys movement and is great at hearing rhythm. Listens to music when he’s working or going to bed (do not disturb). His voice is rather loud/strong and he has little control over his tone (usually sounds very flat), but he loves to talk/make noises. He WILL absolutely moo and the Miltanks he works with.

Lillie:

Adores fruit/floral scented things. She collects scented lotions and uses them a LOT. Neon colors hurt her eyes; she prefers pastels. Doesn’t like tight things, prefers baggy clothes. Stuffed animals are her favorite thing to stim with, and yes, all of them have names. Always likes having a bag with her so she can hold the straps or hug it if uncomfortable. Really big on carbonated drinks. Fizzy things are the best to her.

#autism headcanons #text heavy #headcanons #flareontoast

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mychemicalrant · 6 years

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An Autism Reflection

I am going to do a write up of childhood and adult observations about why I think I might be on the spectrum. It’s a little TL;DR, sorry.

When I was a kid I had trouble understanding the concept of familial and friend love. My friends would say “I love you” and I’d always saw “ewww, you can’t love me!” in response. It took me many years to understand the concept of love applied to family and friends and more years still to decide whether I loved other people. I can now say that I love my dad and that is very obvious but I can’t say I love any other biological family members just because they are biologically related. When I got married, I met many people in my partner’s family that I can say I love on a personal level but I don’t feel “love” simply because I am now legally related to someone.

Love as a feeling doesn’t come naturally to me and it certainly didn’t come easily as a social concept. You are supposed to say “love” in social contexts even when you don’t feel it because love isn’t so much a feeling as it is a social handshake of sorts, I suppose. But I do think for many people love comes from a real place in them. When I was a kid the thought of claiming to feel an emotion I did not feel was utterly incomprehensible. If I seemed hurtful this may have been why. I didn’t attack others on purpose but if I seemed insensitive it came from the fact that I did not understand why we had to display affection when we didn’t feel it. I would always make the grandmother I didn’t see very often cry and I never knew why. I guess that’s why? I feel extremely uncomfortable opening gifts in front of others because I am afraid I will have to perform excitement and not be able to. I hate weddings and funerals because I honestly don’t give a shit about the emotional context but everyone expects you to put on a display of sadness or joy or whatever and I don’t even feel that, let alone want to display it.

One time I went to the dentist for a filling on a bottom tooth and he numbed the spot but found when he went to work on it that it wasn’t numbed. Some other part of my jaw had gotten numbed instead. This went on for two more shots until we finally got the right spot numbed and he told me I had crossed nerves. My emotions are the same way. Funerals and death barely seem to phase me (I cried for maybe 5 minutes when I found out my mom had died when I was ten) but I’ll genuinely cry over some random thing.

I often can’t identify my emotions at all, although I am working on this. As a Pagan I had explained this as having a closed heart chakra. As a personality enthusiast I had explained this as being an INTJ or an Enneagram 5 and therefore bad at emotions. But the more I studied these things the more I realized something still wasn’t getting answered. INTJs are stereotyped as being effective, successful, and driven people despite preferring introversion. That’s not...really me. But INTPs are stereotyped as being scattered and flexible and I need to have routines and obsess over increments of things such as time, money, or resources. I am very internally organized and this extends to the outer world as well. I get frustrated going off the plan or making changes or not being able to account for something because a new variable came up. But since discovering that I might be on the spectrum it actually feels like a puzzle piece snapping into place. My whole life makes sense, even (and especially) the things I have been made to feel ashamed about.

Having autism means you process and prioritize information differently, and for high functioning females this can be hard to identify at first. I made it through school okay. I didn’t have any significant learning difficulties except being extraordinarily bad at math (like, took pre-algebra four times from 7th grade to college bad) and having to do a Title 1 remedial reading course in elementary school. I didn’t have trouble focusing and I excelled at writing tasks. I had extreme struggles learning things I had no interest in but managed to get good enough grades anyway. I was easy enough to get along with and although I didn’t have any friends at school until 9th grade I made it by okay. (Most of my friends were male or tomboys and always 1-3 years younger than me.)

Dating, socializing, and friend-making were never easy for me but I didn’t think this indicated that I had a disability in these areas. I had always assumed I was just really bad at it? Like, I share no interests with other people and am genuinely not interested in other people. As a kid I was desperate to play with other kids but couldn’t bridge the social gap to ask and would only play with one close friend at a time when I did have friends. But as an adult I keep to myself pretty much. I didn’t really think this was an indicator of a disability or cognitive situation because I had just accepted it as a part of my life. My interests are intense, particular, and not always popular. My interests are also geared for the wrong demographic compared to what I am. People and socializing are utterly boring to me. I prefer solitary tasks. So on and so forth. It wasn’t until I hit post college that I started to realize I had a real problem, which will be its own post.

When I’m honest with myself, I feel mentally at the age of twelve. I fixate and obsess over things well below my age group. When I was in my twenties I figured, well, your twenties are like an extended teenage time, right? But then I hit thirty and realized this is when you need to start showing the world that you are an adult. Drink mimosas and don’t do it through a straw. Know what an IRA is and know how to climb the corporate ladder. Don’t fixate on t-shirts and small collectable objects. Don’t obsess over tiny objects in the shape of US states. Stop hyperfocusing on the color of everybody’s eyelashes. Care about babies and home ownership and marriage.

I’m learning some fascinating things about girls on the spectrum. A lot of girls with Asperger’s have issues with gender identity and feel out of place in a woman’s life or with female gender roles. Girls with autism have a special challenge in life, because female gender roles are socially dependent in a way that male roles aren’t. Boys are taught to be independent and girls are taught to form social groups. Right out of the gate girls are being trained to be social-minded, which in one sense means girls are essentially getting autism therapy right from birth, which may explain why girls with Asperger’s don’t display traits in the same way that boys do. But as girls grow up they tend to respond to the challenges of being autistic in different ways. A primary way that I’ve come to learn through my research is to cope by mimicking the behavior of those around them and giving the appearance of understanding and performing those roles.

However, I think there’s another coping mechanism, and it’s the one I’ve chose. I’ve coped by more or less shunning social expectations and finding myself in male dominated spaces like video games and anime, etc. Nerd spaces are safe for a reason because it allows us both to indulge in our love of fantasy and world-building and also to fixate on something that isn’t sexually or socially driven. If you think about it, neurotypical gender interests stem from sex and signalling that one is sexually available. For women, it’s beauty and fashion and displays of attractiveness. For men, it’s sports and cars and other things that signal masculinity and strength. But for people with autism sexual stuff can get lost in translation so I have chosen to ignore those roles and not perform them at all, much to the chagrin of my parents growing up.

I shave my head in the bathroom sink for convenience. I never wear makeup (primarily because I can’t stand the sensation of goopy shit on my skin but also because I see absolutely no point in it). My clothes are mostly practical and comfortable. I can only wear breathable fabrics so tight frilly blouse-type fabrics are torture and I have only worn them a handful of times in my life. I wore bras only when I had to and went without most of the time. I never thought about the role that sensory sensitivities played in my dressing decisions but they are 100 percent the reason behind all the decisions I make, second only now to my OCD intolerance of fabrics that drape and touch nearby objects as I pass. Anyway, I’m not pretty but I am practical and functional.

I may not have stated that I felt inundated by a sea of sensory overload until I realized why that is. One thing I have done to cope is to fixate. As a kid I fixated on seemingly little things like sequins or collectable items I wanted. When I fixate on acquiring something (food, objects, whatever) I can tune out other things like how I’m feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I still do this and at 31 years old I fixate more or less on the same things I did as a kid. One thing of fascination to me is colors, especially objects that come in many colors. Christmas lights is my earliest example of this, but as an adult it could explain my love of crystals. All crystals are rocks but they come in many colors and I love this so much. As a kid I was obsessed with tiny colored boxes. As an adult I went to The Container Store and bought them in every color. I’m still. You guys. I love colors so much.

I use food as a stim mechanism. At restaurants I feel almost entirely overwhelmed by the fluctuating environment of people moving and spinning and crawling all around you, plates being shoved into and out of your face, servers touching you and reaching over you, lights and sounds and crap. But I never noticed I was feeling so anxious by this (or I just chalked it up to my OCD) until I realized that the only thing I can willfully focus on when at a restaurant is the food. When is the food coming when is the food coming when is the food coming when is the food coming food is here food is here eat eat eat quick get it over with so we can leave why is the check taking so long I’ll have another piece of bread etc. I find myself eating even when I don’t want to out of the compulsive and comforting motion of reaching back and forth to my mouth, chewing, and so on. I used to overeat as a kid out of boredom but now I hardly eat at all because I get distracted and forget. I didn’t think of myself as a stimmer, though. The kind of stimming where people know that’s what you’re doing because you are rocking or otherwise zoned out in some very obvious movement that doesn’t fit the social context. Because I wasn’t doing that, I didn’t realize that what I was actually doing was stimming. Bouncing my leg so furiously that people thought I was convulsing. Picking my skin for hours. Constantly having my hands at my mouth or picking at some fabric or fraying the paper label on a bottle. I am almost always stimming in some fashion or another but the stims are pretty subtle. I mean, everyone clicks pens, right? Drinking and eating are stims and I often have a coffee when I go out because the act of raising the straw to my mouth gives me a physical action to do that comforts and calms me. There’s a lot to say on this topic so I’ll just move on for now. My point is, for females with high functioning autism it isn’t always obvious by male autistic behavioral standards because we have learned many masking techniques or just took the hit and identified as nerdy or non-binary or asexual or some other label that we thought explained it. The more I dig, though, the more I am amazed at how much of me stems from this potential. It’s heavy, though. I have a cousin with low functioning autism (we didn’t use that word back then; you know which word we used) and to realize I might be on the same spectrum is something to sit with, for sure. But it’s also a profound relief to think that all of these things aren’t my fault. I drove my parents absolutely insane growing up and always felt so much shame for it. They blamed me for not performing socially appropriate behavior or performing at my age level socially and now, to think there might be a reason for it is profoundly liberating and heals me on such a deep level. I can feel the Maniac Magee knot of self-hatred and loathing and blame starting to untangle at last.It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault.

#neurodivergent #aspergers #autism #potential autism #mental health

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beyondthetemples-ooc · 7 years

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.....there is a huge, huge part of me wondering if what everyone was telling me was a panic attack was actually a panic attack.

Or.... meltdown? imean i’ve been seriously, genuinely wondering if i’m autistic. I need to talk to someone and ask. Because...

I think I might actually be autistic, because:

I run my life on a plane of logic.

I don’t communicate and connect with other people about things very well at all, certainly not face-to-face.

I communicate in weird nonverbal ways that other people don’t seem to get, but it’s not like I’m trying to be weird or mimick animals or anything, it just made more sense to me to use? (Could also be an extreme form of polyglot-ism expressing itself, but I don’t think linguists usually have to resort to hissing when something hurts them because they don’t have mental access to words at that point.)

I use social scripting to interact with almost everyone but friends, even at work.

Outside of friends, even on Tumblr, sending my typical three-part-welcome message to new followers on any blog but my personal (welcome, I’d like to Rp any time, if you need anything tagged let me know), I have to sit for awhile and put the words in the right order. It has taken me 40 minutes to put those in order.

I’m very good at writing descriptively and social interactions for my characters, but not in person? Not when I know I’m writing to communicate with an actual person, unless they’re a friend and I don’t have to expend the energy Communicating Perfectly??? what?????? is??????? that about??????????

I think I’ve been using echolalia my whole life (I quote things to myself when I’m happy, or to make myself feel better, always have, and used to quote Teen Titans to other people too), but I got better at disguising quotes as “my own words” because my stepmother emotionally abused me when I talked about Teen Titans too much. (I also repeat parts of questions people ask me as a way of processing what they’re asking, to help form my answer.)

I even use quotes and phrases from things when I’m writing because I don’t know how to say it otherwise??? (Most often with comic!Raven....)

I don’t do well with changes in plans. At all. Ever. Especially when it’s day-of. I have to withdraw and do something to completely “reset” my brain when it happens, to get myself out of the shut-down “nevermind i don’t want to do anything dealing with this is too much,, let me BREATHE” sort of mindset. (This is a thing that might be ADD and might be autism, but the level with which I have to “reset”, I think, is beyond what ADD psychologists say is “normal” for ADD.)

^ I’m generally a very emotionally calm, stable person. Like, ridiculously so. Most of the time I just don’t have emotions assigned to things that other people assign emotion to. (Even things that I know other people have extreme reactions to. Someone dies? I’m sorry they won’t be around anymore, but everyone dies eventually and I’m okay with that. I’m sorry if this makes me a bad person, but I don’t cry at funerals, I just get overwhelmed with the pressure of everyone else’s emotions. I’m sorry for you and I truly do ache for your loss, but don’t feel any emotion about the death myself. Unless I really, really love someone, which... fuck, I cried over my canary, but not my grandfather? who i wasn’t very close to tbh and disliked his stubborn streak of feistiness because it was Too Mush For Me, but... idunno the funeral made me sick for a WEEK with empathic overwhelming, but I’m okay with Mary’s death now because, well, my emotions aren’t as strongly tied to things like Pure Presence as other peoples’.)

And despite that, when my stepmother tells me “I’m going to pick you up from work” when I already had a bus pass (which doesn’t expire so it’s not like I wasted resources), even though it would be nice to get home in 15 minutes instead of 45 after work, I still get frustrated an annoyed and go “okaaay... a little notice ahead of time would be nice, now I have to re-adjust myself for the whole day.” i’m emotionally stable as hell, yet stupid little changes in plan like that really annoy me.

I’m touch-dominant, I experience the world through my HANDS. Apparently that’s a thing autistic people experience more than neurotypical.

Constantly stimming (hard to distinguish from ADD fidgeting, but I do it because it’s stimuli that helps me better process things, not because I have energy that I need to use.)

Teen Titans for me fits the exact definition of a Special Interest.

I am definitely hyperempathic. (Psychic empathy versus conceptual empathy, but reactively empathic to the sensations as well.)

I’m disconnected from my own emotions.

I cannot communicate my emotions well, I cannot recognize them, I cannot understand them. I am utter SHIT at actually EXPRESSING my emotions. I’m not emotive. When I try, people misread my facial expressions CONSTANTLY. (I looked at my father confused, and he told me not to glare at him.)

I’m not very good at reading facial expressions beyond the general Happy/Sad/Angry/Afraid. (I thought I Was, but it turns out I misread them half the time. I use books and the physical things they describe to learn “Oh, raised brows doesn’t always mean interest, it might mean disbelief if her lips are tight too”. Again: disconnection from emotions and expressing them.)

I don’t process visual information well, if i process it at ALL. I have 20/15 vision according to the last optometrist I saw, and my vision is just fine according to the DMV (when I got my temps license, again), but I struggle to recognize letters and call them by name, not because I don’t know it, but it takes me twice or three times as long to figure out what that visual information means? I can read very well and comprehend it extremely well, but when it’s not organized in a language I know: I struggle to process what letters are which.

And, I mean, I can, and I do, but I have to tell everyone in my life, parents and job and friends: “I don’t See Things the way you do, literally do not SEE and PROCESS them. I have very good vision, but my brain doesn’t process visual information, so if there’s a way I can notice this by touching it or hearing a different sound, that will work a lot better than relying on seeing things to notice it. Because I probably won’t.”

I think I’m communicating well, but my mother and girlfriend are the only people who consistently understand my words well in person.

I actually do rock and move my hands/arms when I’m really excited. (I’m okay at restraining it, but it’s much nicer to be able to express myself in “weird” kinetic ways. Again: touch-dominant, kinetic expression is part of that, but touch-dominant might be an autistic thing, and I don’t know anymore, and that’s frustrating.)

(( I remember doing the actual hand-flapping thing at age 8 or 10, when I asked someone at ALP if he watched Teen Titans. And he said the only good character was Cyborg... no, Raven. And I was excited, because nobody else I knew liked Raven best! I was sitting seiza-style but started bouncing on my knees while pumping my hands, and smiling at him. He got really weirded out and shifted away from me, because we were all sitting on the floor in a crowd of sorts and he probably would’ve gone to the other side of the room if he could, now that I think about it... but, I always remember that, and when I got older I realized my reaction was Abnormal. i always associated it with Strong Emotions, but now I’m wondering, why do strong emotions make me move like that, and other people do other things entirely? that’s the only way i can express emotions that deep sometimes, kinetic motion. what if it’s because i’m autistic?))

I become completely nonverbal when I’m overstimulated, emotional, processing something big, constantly processing something and then another then another, and I very often actually don’t have the energy to speak. (It takes me a lot of energy to ask a customer “What?” sometimes if I didn’t catch their full order. I have literally blinked at people because I couldn’t even say THAT, and hoped they’d understand.)

I know I speak bluntly when I AM verbal, but putting things to words is all I have energy for. I could rephrase things to be more diplomatic, but fearing my stepmother is the only time it ever seems worth it. (I speak bluntly and honestly because A, I feel things bluntly and honestly and I see no point in rephrasing to redress what I think/feel, I just say literally, and I do mean literal-literally, what I’m thinking. I don’t do the “ulterior motives” thing. I don’t understand, at all, when people say they said something just because they were angry or excited. Like... why? What??? How did those words get put together when they’re not true???? it’s foreign concept to me, completely.)

I get overstimulated in general, badly BADLY overstimulated, and shut down completely. (I experience “shutdown” exactly as autistic people have described it, more times in my life than I care to remember. This happens most often with empathy and emotion, but also in crowds/presences/too much activity or noise or even TALKING.)

That “panic attack” also could have... been a meltdown if this is really a thing. Because it sounds like a panic attack, but I didn’t want help, I just wanted to be hide in the corner and be left alone and I wanted everything to STOP.

Because when I’m lucid, I look at my life objectively, and I really, really do not think I have anxiety. Or should have had a panic attack.

...I mean... when it happened, my phobia had been triggered time and time again in the preceeding weeks, because one household family member after the other had the stomach flu. Two even got it twice. and when you’re an empath it is damn hard to block out the sensations and feel sick too, no matter how loud I blast my music. I existed at home in a constant state of “don’t breathe here, wash your hands twice like they do in hospitals, iron shields not just shadows, hurry in and hurry out to reduce exposure, open windows, ignore it and cast it away that is not yours to feel, breathe, breathe, breathe.” Purposefully high-alert and constantly defensive (determined, not afraid), but not total-breakdown-justifying anxiety...

But this was not the first year it’s happened, nor second and probably not even the third -- and my phobia was much, MUCH worse (AND empathy, thus doubly bad at coping with feeling what the sick/v*ing people are feeling), the two times it happened when I was 14-18.

The phobia-triggering alone triggered less anxiety than before, because I could cope with it, and I had the tools to better cope with both phobia-anxiety and miserable-empathy.

Outside that, I’m not prone to anxiety, I only become anxious about normal life things (re: not General Anxiety Disorder, just Specific Anxiety Disorder aka My Phobia, and severe Financial Anxiety because fucking hell people I’m only 24 and extremely frugal and borderline “stingy” and STILL 3000+ in debt, but my coping mechanism is HEALTHY-- you know, seeking better jobs even if I hate them, walking dogs, and saving money like hell whenever i can. You know: proactively FIXING the PROBLEM.)

And when I AM Anxious, it is controllable, if I can find a solution.

But if it’s anxiety like I felt over potentially losing my job due to health-related call-offs every month and bus routes, aka things I already do my absolute best to control: It self-feeds because every time I solution-seek, there is no solution.

And often, it’s far more FRUSTRATION than anxiety.

So, like... I don’t have “anxiety disorder”. I don’t have General Anxiety about things that don’t logically WARRANT it. I just have a very strong, atypical REACTION to anxiety, and sometimes get overstimulated by feeling my own emotion, and either have to withdraw from it, or shut down.

gods i really need to talk to someone about this because it would explain a LOT about what’s wrong with me and what’s “Abnormal” about me in the world and i’d really, really like to know what’s ADD, what’s from Emotional Abuse, and what’s possible-autism, thanks... ;;;;

#rhs personal posts #i know i'm Not Normal. but it'd be nice if i had the words to help other people Deal With me too.........

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