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lillybean730 · 2 years

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tell us more about the duality of kiwei. the public needs to know.

ok forewarning i may start rambling in this bc i have put a lot of thought into this guy and 90% isn't written down anywhere

ok came back to add a cut im so sorry for the unfiltered illness below im not going to edit it this is pure stream of consciousness

right so! for starters kiwei is for the most part very chill. a nice person, kind to children, helps old ladies cross the street etc etc. they also have so much goddamn grief and rage boiling inside begging for an outlet before they snap. (yes i do like the drk quest line how can you tell?)

they weren't always like that though, after the banquet and *especially* after haurchefaunt and ysayles deaths is really when this started building. see kiwei really gets stuck on the anger part of the stages of grief, and really doesn't start letting go until after they get compared to zenos. kiwei was really gunning to kill him after the massacre at the reach and hearing abt all the devastation he caused, and when zenos said "you want to rip my throat out huh buddy?" he was right. and that terrified and disgusted them. and getting called his friend? even worse

while all this turmoil was boiling within though, they really kept a vice grip on what did make them happy, namely their friends. alphinaud by that point was basically their little brother and alisaie was quickly joining the "honorary little sibling club", so they really tried to keep the mask from slipping to prevent those two from worrying. at this point they weren't all that close to the other scions actually, especially compared to how they become one big family by the end. anyway they also continued to be quite kind to strangers in an attempt to feel normal again, to try and find the joy of helping they got at the beginning of their travels. mixed results but hey they tried.

by shadowbringers the rage has died down a bit and mostly they're just tired. they feel like a living weapon and it doesn't help that many treat them like one too. when trying to sneak off to the tempest alone they genuinely didn't expect the scions to come with, given the inherent risk of standing next to a ticking time bomb. the events in the tempest are a huge turning point for kiweis emotional state. the kindness becomes less forced, friendships become deeper, and they (god forbid) occasionally express emotions to others outside of hitting things.

by endwalker theyre a lot calmer but that fear of doing harm just by the nature of being the warrior of light and being an impulsive person is really cranked up after the body snatching incident. and boy were they glad to finally kill zenos, he threatened their new family (and new happiness) for the last time.

basically, having this sort of impulse to hit people when they piss em off, the strength to kill gods, a deep desire to not hurt anyone, and the blood of hundreds on their hands makes for a contradictory sort of character

wow that became a stupid long discussion of their emotions let's talk design. kiwei is made of sharp lines and round curves. most of the spiky bits are "added" features let's say? sharp claws, scruffy hair, their facial tattoos, whatever weapon they have, and their little fang earrings. more basic features are round. their nose and face are round, and they prefer to wear soft fabrics instead of armor. there's a few outliers, scars in general to me are neither round nor sharp but that's up to personal views in design so i figured id mention it, and their little fangs bc kibby kat

even then there are softer sides to most spiky bits, their hair has braids (a tradition in their old family and honestly i will talk more abt that in a sec) and the claws also actually hold family meaning ok quick tangent

basically: the guy got disowned for "betraying the family by becoming an adventurer instead of the next matriarch". despite that, they still uphold a lot of family traditions. the braids are something their siblings did growing up, the bone carved jewelry is a family tradition (which im not talking abt here bc this is long enough im so sorry), and the sharp claws.

now: the timeline of claws works like this

ages 1-17ish: normal nails

(for women) ~17-before firstborn: allowed to grow out claws as a sign of being able to fight for oneself

after firstborn: cut those claws bc you might scratch ur baby

men do whatever you aren't there grow em out cut em who give a shit

so in the culture being an adult is signified by claws, but it's also a sign of immaturity. being an adult with nails means a position of authority and care over your family. it's sort of accepted that the mother's dont need to rely on claws to protect their kids.

how this applies to kiwei is up until shb kiwei had claws, but after some incidents where reaching out to touch someone (esp on the face) caused them to flinch they used their background in arcanima to help. they have painted sigils on their nails that project the image of claws without them actually being physical. by adjusting the flow of aether they can either become corporeal or disappear entirely. this occupies a weird space of maturity and immaturity, violence and comfort

a duality in other words

tldr: the cat is a little beast who is trying so hard to be kind despite the world seeming to be trying to make them a violent monster. kindness in the face of your own anger

honestly that tldr is all you need and im not sure i articulated this right

#god this is too long im so sorry i wrote all this no one is reading all that #anon opened some floodgates i suppose lol #my ocs #sure id like to find this again someday probably #tbh kiwei started as a joke character based on a cat i used to know #bc i didn't want to put a load of effort into a game i didn't know I'd stick with #not even my cat

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nikrangdan · 3 years

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photographer!ni-ki

pairing: photographystudent!ni-ki x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: every time you went to the park you noticed a mysterious boy who would take pictures of the scenery on his cute little camera. you liked to see what he’d take pictures of from afar but one day you noticed his camera pointing straight at.. you

for ni-ki’s bday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE <33 sorry i posted a day late but i hope u all enjoy!

———

“y/n!”

you groan before getting out of your bed at 10am

it was a saturday why was your mom yelling at u ..

you walked into the kitchen all sluggishly and rubbed your eyes

“you need to start taking suki on walks to the park. you need the exercise too.” your mom doesn’t even spare u a glance before walking out the door to run some errands

right

u forgot u were taking care of ur cousins dog while he was out of town... her name was suki

shes a little shiba inu AND SHES THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!

WELP

u dont even have a choice anymore

u got somewhat ready before heading out with suki in your arms

shes so soft and fluffy

though u dont like to admit it, u kinda agreed with ur mom about u needing to exercise and get out the house

you’ve been cooped up in your room for days with no social or nature interaction

the park was about a 10 minute drive from ur house

and it was actually a really pretty park...

there was a lake and really pretty flowers everywhere and alot of gazebos and benches

and a nice open field of greenery

it basically looked like a park out of a movie

so you weren’t suprised that there was a decent amount of people there

but not too much thankfully.. or else you would’ve driven to another park with less people

you got out the car with suki and put her on the leash

let the walking begin!!!!

it was a really nice day out... the sun was shining but it wasnt too hot or cold

you led her onto the sidewalk and she began sniffing at the grass around her

whenever a few people would pass they would coo at how adorable she was

it wasnt until 5 minutes later that ur eyes locked onto a figure infront of the lake

you were just walking with suki in silence.. admiring the scenery

until u caught sight of a boy

u could only see his back but u noticed the camera over his shoulder

he was standing in one of those photographer poses where like one leg is bent and kind of out while his back is hunched to get that perfect angle of a shot

he was infront of the sidewalk railings where the lake begins and he was taking photos of the scenery across from it

it was a beautiful sight honestly

there was another sidewalk but behind it was colorful trees and blossoming flowers and bushes

u understood why he’d take pictures of it

you didnt see his face but u kind of acknowledged the boy before walking past him with suki

basically thinking he was just another passerby that you noticed making a single appearance in your life and never expecting to see him again

OH BOY U WERE WRONG

the next time you see him is 3 days later at the same park

you were walking suki again but this time at 7pm after dinner

the sun was almost done setting so the sky was getting darker but there was still a hint of the orange circle peeking from below

this time you walked further down the sidewalk path towards the scattered gazebos

and you noticed the same boy again

this time he was sat in one of the gazebos with his tiny camera in his hands

his back was hunched over again and he was looking closely at the pictures he had taken

‘oh its him again’ u thought

and that was it

LOL

u just acknowledged him in ur head AGAIN before u thought nothing of it and continued ur walk with suki

so the NEXT time u saw him was another 2 days later at 7pm again

you wanted to take suki on a quick walk

but you got tired after like 10 minutes so you sat down on a blanket u brought

suki was just laying next to u while u were on ur phone

it wasnt fully dark out yet and there was still a few people in the park

the fairy lights that were placed around were lit up already

it was super pretty and the weather was nice

after staring at ur phone for a few mins u looked up just to look around

and u saw Him again

wow

why do u keep seeing him !?!?!

his back was faced towards u like always

and he was like 40 feet away from u so he looked so tiny

but u could tell it was him because of his blond hair and black coat he always wore

you kind of zoned out and unfortunately ur eyes were trained on his back without u even noticing

and he

turned

around

for the first time EVER!!!!

its like he sensed someone staring at him

but yes he turned around with his camera in his hand

the first thing u noticed was that he got a new camera

it was a larger black one

definitely more expensive

Awe good for him!!!!!

and then u glanced up to see his face

and u made EYE CONTACT

u looked away so fast

because

He was SO CUTE.............

u awkwardly started looking to your left and tried turning ur face away from him

‘oh look at those beautiful um... birds.. yeah’

hopefully he didnt notice

*nervously sweats*

u didnt dare look back in that direction so u spent the rest of your evening in the park on ur phone or playing with suki

eventually it reached 8pm so u packed up ur stuff and went home

U were still kind of thinking about that boy....

so u were like

i need to go back

and u did Lol

u went back the next day at 6pm this time with suki

it was lighter out and the sky was beautiful

perfect for a certain boy to be taking photos

*evil laugh*

u were walking for like 15 minutes and u didnt see him anywhere :((((

the one time u go there for HIM

u settled down under a tree

suki immediately went on the blanket when u sat down too

you played tug of war with her and fed her some treats while playing

playing with her for 10 minutes straight definitely tired u out so u laid down and just stared at the sky

it was a faded blue turning into orange and pink

U were kinda bored so u sat up and started petting suki

you would occasionally glance up at the strangers walking past u

and

let me tell u what Happened..

u looked up at another lady walking her dog and went like

‘aweee that dog is so cute’ in ur head

and u took ur eyes off the dog and glanced to ur right

idk bc u felt like it

AND GUESS WHAT U SEE???!??????

THE BOY

LIKE 20 FEET AWAY

STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD

AND HE HAD HIS CAMERA UP TO HIS FACE

and it WAS POINTED AT U ??!?!

as soon as u looked in his direction he jumped and put his hands down

he like

Blushed????? and awkwardly smiled u know rubbing the neck and all that

he was embarrassed

ur cheeks were turning so red

BUT HE WAS SO ADORABLE

was kind of weird.... stalkerish but um

he cleared that up BECAUSE

He started walking over to u

he was wearing black jeans that were ripped on the knees with black high top converse

and a gray sweater with a black coat over it

HE JUST LOOKED CUTE OK

ur were like OMg []£{€]%[#{%€]£{

n he just Plop

he stood right infront of u basically towering bc u were sitting under the tree

suki noticed the boy and tilted her head like hmmmm???

u had the SMALLEST smile on ur face bc u wanted to seem friendly but not TOO friendly

he had his camera strap over his arm while he held it and his other hand was rubbing the name of his neck

“uh... sorry about that.. i didn’t mean to seem weird or anything!” he waved his hands infront of him to deny it

u just sat there while he talked like ❤️_❤️

“im uh taking photos for my class and i thought u looked nice so i took some pictures.. im really sorry i should’ve asked first now i seem weird or something im really-,”

u cut him off so he didnt ramble any longer

“no its okay! i get it” you gave him a warm smile and pet suki while she drifted to your side and kept her eyes on him

u both just stared at eachother for a few seconds before you spoke

“um.. would you like to sit?” you scooted over and made room for him in the blanket

WOW U WERE FEELING BOLD TODAY...

“uh sure” he set his camera down and sat beside u

“this is suki.. shes my cousins dog” u said when she climbed into his lap and started sniffing him

he grinned and pet her before looking up at you

“im ni-ki by the way” his cheeks turned a bit pink which u thought was cute

“y/n” you smiled

“suki seems to like you” u laughed

“so how long have you been working on this project or whatever?”

“oh um i started last week... i just have to make a portfolio of photos i take and turn it in” he said while keeping his eyes trained on suki

u noticed he didnt make eye contact with u often but u knew it was probably because he was nervous because u do that too

“can i see the pictures...?” u hesitantly ask him

his eyes light up when u say that

“yeah!”

AWE HES SO EXCITED

he picks up his camera next to him and clicks a few buttons

“oh by the way... ive noticed u at the park before! you’re always with the camera” you laugh

“ah yeah, this park is where most of my project photos are taken.”

he leans over and shows you the pictures on the device

“woah” you let out a gasp

he showed u the picture he took of you first

How does a picture look better than real life...

you’ve never really been into photography but now that you’ve seen his work u might just have to start getting into it

“this isnt even done yet, i still have to edit it so it’ll look even more perfect” he shyly says

“this is amazing what the heck” your jaw is Dropped

“thanks”

“i need to see the final result” u said because it was such a nice picture

“um.. if you give me your number i can show you it” he sent you a cheeky grin

SMOOTH.....

he was so AGGGHGGHG ur kind of obsessed

you two exchange numbers and talk about random things for a whole hour until he says he has to go

“it was really nice meeting you.. i had fun” he tells you as he starts standing up

suki is sleeping so he tries not to wake her up

“i had fun too” you smile

“would you like me to walk you to your car?”

A GENTLEMAN !!?!?!?!

“oh yeah, thanks”

you two spend another 2 minutes together as you walk side by side with suki in your arms and he held your blanket and bag for you

you reached your car and thanked him

“ill see you soon, dont forget to text me! and good luck on the project, i know you’ll do great”

“thank you..”

ni-ki’s cheeks turn pink once more before he turns around and starts walking away with a smile on his face

he is just the cutest thing ever

you definitely need to see him again

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ewwhothefuckiski · 3 years

Text

More Than Friends- Owen Patrick Joyner

Requested: @teti-menchon0604

"Heyyyy!!! I was wondering if I could request a Owen x reader where the reader and Owen are best friends but they act more like a couple than best friends ( like always hugging, cuddling, holding hands, etc.) Tha cast gets tired of it so they plan something to make them confess that they like each other and when they do confess they get together. 😊😊😊"

TW: swearing?, Nothing but fluff really

Edited by: @clean-bands-dirty-stories (let's be honest, this would have been horrible without them)

Word Count: 1k+

A/N: Shout-out to @im-not-fine and @bonobos-candy-bar for helping me with an idea for this one 🤍 also, sorry this one is kinda short

Taglist: @im-not-fine @i-thought-i-knew-what-love-was @winterberryfox @thedepthsofhell @headheartbellarke @bonobos-candy-bar @lmaohuh @theluketomypatterson (request to be added)

{MASTERLIST}

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

There had always been undeniable chemistry between Y/N and Owen; everyone could tell. They all saw the way the two looked at each other. It had been months worth of attempts to get them together, each one falling flat. Frankly, everyone was tired of watching them flirt endlessly, just to deny their feelings for each other if it was ever brought up. Especially the two involved.

Owen had been the first to break. It was really Charlie’s fault. He had been pestering Owen about the mystery girl that kept popping up again and again, ever since he saw Owen place a kiss on her forehead at the airport.

"Is that your girlfriend?" Charlie asked first thing to Owen as they loaded the girls’ luggage into the trunk.

Owens' face turned bright red, and when he spoke, his tone was defensive. "What? No."

That only made Charlie smile wider. "But you like her?"

Owen glared at Charlie, closing the trunk. "We're just friends." His tone was final… mostly.

Charlie had dropped the subject, but he had started picking up on little things here and there that slowly began to pile up. Like how they would glance at each other and smile when the other wasn't looking, or how they held hands literally all the time. Charlie noticed how whenever Y/N looked at Owen, he seemed to glow, his smile lighting up the entire room. How just Owen’s mere presence was so distracting to Y/n.

Madi was the next to notice. She noticed how Y/N seemed to have a pink tint to her cheeks whenever Owen placed a kiss on her head, or even when he just smiled at her. Madi also noticed how whenever they had to drag Owen away for filming, it was like Y/N's spirit was taken with him. The poor girl deflated, dismal and distracted until Owen returned. Pleasant to be around, and nice and kind, but nowhere near as enthusiastic as when her favorite blonde giant was around.

It wasn't long before the whole cast saw the way they looked at each other. Each of them made it their personal mission to get the two together before the end of the year.

They just didn't think it would be this difficult.

They had tried every trick in the book. They scheduled a "group dinner" and conveniently didn't show up. They tried playing Truth or Dare, but Owen and Y/N always picked truth, and whenever they were asked about their feelings it was the same answer.

"We're just friends."

Eventually, the cast grew restless. The end of the year was approaching fast and they still hadn't gotten together. It was getting more painful to watch the two pine for each other every day, and while it was adorable, it was also getting painful to watch.

"Alright guys, I have a plan." Savannah announced one day, waking into the room and sitting on the couch.

"What for?" Jeremy asked, raising his eyebrows as he looked up from his phone.

"Getting Y/N and Owen together of course!" She laughed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "And I know just how we're gonna do it."

Charlie sat up and gave Savannah his full attention. "What's the plan boss?"

Savannah grinned at his eagerness before launching into it. "Well, we've tried to get them to admit their feelings for each other nicely, and that's where we messed up." Charlie nodded, the rest of the cast silently agreeing. "So, this time, we don't give them a choice."

"What do you plan on doing, lock them in a closet?" Jeremy asked, rolling his eyes at Sav.

"Exactly!" She said, pointing her fingers at Jeremy. "We're gonna lock them in the old broom closet until they admit their feelings to each other."

"How do we get them in there?" Madi asked, looking up from her phone.

"We could just push them in there." Charlie suggested, shrugging his shoulders. "I can do Owen, Sav can do Y/N."

"Perfect!" Savannah yelled, high fiving Charlie. It was a truly desperate attempt, but at this point they were all ready to try just about anything. "Tomorrow?” Everyone nodded and Sav proudly settled on, “Tomorrow it is.”

×××

The next day came, and by some miracle Owen and Y/N hadn't noticed the mischievous looks the cast shared. To be fair, they had been too busy rehearsing Owens lines for his next scene - being professional… or maybe they were just too busy staring at each other to notice the others. As usual.

Finally it came time to strike.

"Hey Owen, could you come help me move this prop?" Charlie asked, knowing wherever Owen went, Y/N would follow.

"Yeah sure!" Owen smiled, offering his hand to Y/N. She gratefully took it, standing up and placing the script down.

Charlie led them down the hallway, approaching a waiting Savannah who held open the closet door with a smirk on her face. "It's right in here." Charlie said, pointing to the broom closet.

"Really? In the broom-" Owen didn't have time to finish his sentence as Charlie pushed him inside, Savannah quickly pushing Y/N in with him. Savannah was quick to shut the door and lock it, thanking the repairman who put the knob on the outside of the door. "SAVANNAH!" Owen yelled, rattling the doorknob as he banged on the door. "What’s going on?"

"You and Y/N are stuck in there until you admit your feelings for each other." Charlie yelled, smirking as he heard Owen groan.

"Just tell her you're in love with her already!" Savannah sighed, crossing her arms.

"You-You're in love with me?" Y/N gasped, turning to face Owen. She immediately blushed as she realized just how close they really were, the closet not leaving much room to spare.

Owen felt his cheeks heat up as well, his stomach churning. He felt something clog his throat as she stared up at him with expecting eyes, and he swallowed hard to try and dislodge it. Honestly… why not be honest? He wasn’t getting out of here until he was it seemed. "Y-Yeah I am. I have been for a while now." Owen stumbled over the first word, scratching the back of his neck. Y/N felt her heart stop as he spoke. She swore the whole world itself had stopped moving. "I-Its ok if you don't feel the same. I just-"

Y/N cut off Owen's rambling by pressing her lips to his, her hand reaching up to his neck, pulling him into her. Owen sighed as he kissed her back, his hands grabbing her hips, his stomach fluttering with butterflies.

Charlie and Savannah, who had their ears pressed onto the door, gasped and jumped for joy as they heard Owens' confession be silenced by Y/N. There was no doubt in either of their minds what was going on in there. They’d done it. Finally!

Savannah was quick to announce the news to the group chat and it wasn't long before Madi was running down the hallway screaming, "NO WAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED?"

Y/N and Owen pulled apart, laughing at Madi, resting their foreheads against each other.

"Will you be my girlfriend Y/N?" He tried to keep quiet, but he could hear the others outside making noises of celebration.

Y/N giggled, unphased by the dorks outside, and pulled Owen in for another soft kiss. Just before their lips touched she whispered, "I'd love to."

#owen patrick joyner imagines #owen patrick joyner angst #owen patrick joyner fluff #owen patrick joyner smut #owen patrick joyner #requests

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riskeith · 3 years

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good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)

deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?

RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)

i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj

LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333

shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?

172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?

oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd

that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj

you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian

nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?

THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.

RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭

can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3

good night! more like ahhah

:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?

ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)

legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.

i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.

oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??

I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?

they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ‘i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?

FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)

ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~

AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs

she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~

it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..

<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩

eager for your response <33 love, c.r.

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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venusianknight · 4 years

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i!!! wanna talk about botw!zelda!!

im just kinda rambling here so be aware this contains spoilers for anyone who hasn't played, just a heads up!!

also: cw, mental illness (anxiety) & psychological abuse

can we discuss how awful king rhoam is in the one memory clip (”father and daughter”, memory #8) of him just utterly beating her down? im willing to take other sides considering he did write in his journal later that he felt bad for yelling at her, but who's to say he wrote that the same day? it'd be one thing if she was just straight up being bratty/refusing to actually take responsibility but as we're told from urbosa she literally passed out from praying at one of the springs (i can only assume she meant the spring of courage, or maybe im wrong and she didn't mean any of the three springs but idk im too tired to find the exact quote). need i remind you she!! just!!! turned!!!!! 17!!! by the time she finally discovers her power she'd just been at sanidin park talking to link about her 17th birthday not even (roughly) 4 days ago??? get this- the sanidin park memory happens before her visit to mt lanayru, meaning she was still 16 when rhoam was ridiculing her like this. she is 16 and rhoam is ticked she doesn’t know how to fix hyrule’s biggest threat? are you kidding me? the entirety of “urbosa’s hand” was about revealing why zelda felt so bitter as she was sleeping from working herself to the point of exhaustion and rhoam (the KING who is SUPPOSED to be letting zelda actually do what she needs to do in order to find the power hidden within her, not to mention take more responsibility in the literal sink-or-swim of his own kingdom) doesn't trust her enough to understand what the gravity of the situation is. to him, she sees it as a "childish game". does he legitimately think she doesn't care?? or is there something deeper there that im missing??? she's been putting in more effort into this than literally anyone else (gathering the champions, hand-crafting their tunics, researching the guardians/shrines/any ancient tech she could get her hands on) and you wanna tell me even still rhoam doesn't believe she's trying her hardest? that he just completely overlooks her entire life of praying, seeking and researching? there's honestly so much more i could talk about and i hope im not the only one who felt this way,,,

edit: i also want to bring up how he brings up the fact that people are making up rumors about her and calling her a failure. he has no idea how harmful this is to her. how sh*tty of a parent do you have to be to literally tell your own teenage daughter “oh yea btw people are talking sh*t about you and it’s your fault”. he is deliberately verbalizing her own insecurity to force results from her. he’s frustrated with her for something she can’t even control. what’s even more sad is how this reminds me of some parents in real-life. heck, my own parents have done this to me. this kind of trope is one of the most toxic things to occur in a filial relationship that i can honestly think of. the thought process is usually that the parent is angry at their child’s lack of success and so to get a move-on they breed fear into their kid. it’s like when kids are told not to misbehave during christmas otherwise santa won’t give them presents, except under mounds of pressure that is causing their kid to already be on the verge of completely shutting down. this is the kind of abusive sh*t that elicits mental illness, specifically crippling anxiety, depression and maybe even ptsd. the next memory of her is at the spring of power, where she spends nearly the entire thing breaking down about how she can’t harness her power. she feels numb, bitter and weighed down by the responsibility of it all, and has no one but link to let it out to.

#breath of the wild #botw #botw2 #botw 2 #text post #tea #king rhoam #hyrule #zelink #link x zelda #loz botw #loz #nintendo #we hyperfixating #oops my bad

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shawnies-rihno-blog · 5 years

Note

Shawns kid asking him for a sibling

Hi! i don’t know if i quite like this, but i loved the idea. Thank you for requesting. Also keep requesting in my inbox x.

Enjoy!

“I want a baby too,” chimes our 3 year old from the backseat of our car. He’s almost 5, time flies by when you have a kid.

Shawn, Lucas and I were on the way back to our little home from the hospital, after seeing Aaliyah and her newborn. Lucas immediately fell in love with that beautiful little baby and has been talking about him non-stop.

“Maybe you should wait a little while Luke, you’re way too young,” chuckles Shawn, glancing at me and then the rear-view mirror.

“Ya but Ali has a baby and he’s the same age as me,” he replies, frowning a little, and definitely mispronouncing half the of the words he said.

“Ali has a little brother, not his own baby, love,” I say, trying to understand where he was going with this.

“It’s not fair, Ali has a baby and I don’t. And most of my other friends also have their own babies and I don’t have a baby,” Lucas rambles, clearly frustrated and disappointed, ignoring what I just said.

“Baby, they have siblings, like mama said. They don’t have their own children,” Shawn tries explaining, clearly amused by his little child’s thinking.

“Where do I buy a sibling from then?” Luke asks, confused by the complications of this world.

“Lukeyyyyy, you don’t buy siblings” Shawn replies, laughing really hard.

“Then how do they have babies and I don’t,” he replies back, totally confused now.

“Luke, you’re tired, you should sleep now, love,” I say, because this conversation wasn’t headed in a good direction.

“But mama i want a babyyyyy” he complains.

“Dada, you think I can steal anutie Liah’s baby, and then he can be my baby,” He asks moments later, thinking he came up with a brilliant idea.

“No baby, you don’t steal babies, your mama and dada give you siblings,” Shawn replies.

And as if everything in his mind goes off, he says, “Oooh Now I Knowwww,” giggling at the end.

“Well Mama, Dada, gimme a baby,” Lucas continues, and Shawn instantly turns his head towards me with wide eyes, knowing what he just did.

“That’s why we think before say,” I state to Shawn.

“Maaamaaaaa…Babyyyyyy…Nowww,” Lucas starts yelling out of pleasure and also to make sure he gets what he wants. “And I want it to be a girl, because if its a boy it will steal all my toys,” he continues.

“He does have a point you know, y/n,” Shawn states.

“What? About the part where if its a boy, it will steal all his toys?”

“Nooo! About having another child.”

“Shawn, my vagina is still recovering from Luke.”

“But it doesn’t-” Shawn is cut off.

“What’s a Vagina,” Luke asks. And as if on cue Shawn and I turn our heads to each other.

“Ha! It’s your fault for once,” Shawn chimes, clearly happy that for once his son is not asking what a certain word means because of him.

“Oh also, that’s why we think before say, y/n,” Shawn adds cockily.

—

Ok so honestly its like 2;47 am here, and im sleepy asf. I tried editing it, hope there arent any errors. also i hope u liked this. Thank you for readingg

#shawn mendes #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes masterlist #shawn mendes smut

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norcumii · 5 years

Text

Reblogged from the prior tumbl, originally posted 02/04/2016. Question submitted by @makiruz. Slightly reformatted to avoid a readmore cut and whatnot.

In Full of Sith, they always ask new guests how they got into Star Wars. And you know? That's a good question, how did you got into Star Wars?

HEH. Oooh, that’s a bit of a loaded question. So I’ll give you the short answer, which I suspect would fit the thing you mentioned what I haven’t heard of; and then because I’m a wordy bastard what overshares, the long answer which is more accurate and has content warnings for self harm and suicide.

SHORT ANSWER

It was the 80’s. I was young, in single digits, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what age. I was already dealing with an irregular sleep cycle, though all I knew was I had a flashlight, a pile of books near/on my bed, and a thick pound puppies duvet to read under.

I don’t know if I was in my room or on my way to/from the bathroom, but I could hear my parents watching something downstairs. Swooshy noises, a shrill screee, and some thwoom bzzts.

Of course I went downstairs.

I don’t know if it was episode 5 or 6. I’ve a fondness for 6, but carbonite left a HUGE fucking impression on me, and my parents have always approved of muppets, so Yoda.

I knew I loved it. I didn’t have any toys, though I think somewhere there was a print edition of A New Hope running around. I do recall multiple sleepovers at my grandmother’s place – a tiny house on acres and acres of woods – and she’d sometimes pull out Return of the Jedi and we’d watch it together on her tiny TV. Later on I’d be in bed, staring out at woods and trees that I knew, but seemed huge to a little kid, and I’d dream of Ewoks.

RotJ was Gram’s favorite, and for many years mine, too.

I like Ewoks.

VERY LONG ANSWER

TW: mental illness, depression, self harm, suicide, abuse

In late elementary, early middle school, my brother and I were basically reading ANYTHING we could get our hands on. He sometimes dove into books that didn’t interest me, so I’d read the first of something and then be bored and he’d keep going.

Star Wars EU was one of those. It was too grim for me. I think I didn’t run into any of the really good writers. It was all Han and Luke and Leia on the covers, so take that for what you will. There also was no Wookiepeia, so I was depending heavily on the writers’ abilities to convey things to someone very visual, yet pretty impatient with descriptions, so it never took.

I was in high school when The Phantom Menace came out. Mine honorable brother was off at college, so it was with great excitement on my part, and bemused tolerance on my parents’, that they and I went off to the theater.

On the one hand, I was dazzled.

On the other, there was Jar Jar. There was the fact that I hadn’t been impressed with the re-release of the OT – Han shot first. FITE ME. There was the fact that TPM didn’t feel like Star Wars, which was darker and grittier and…simpler to me.

So I wrote it off. Packed Star Wars away as “one of those things” that I’d been into, but felt like I was moving past. I was obsessed with Gargoyles, I was looking at going to college, and I would keep m’damn ewoks without needing to try to extend that vision with gungans.

College sucked. I went in, not sure if I wanted to go into English, for writing, or Psych, because I had always been what I’d now call The Mom Friend. I met a nice guy who tried, but things never really clicked between us, and there was an interesting bit that he was mad about Star Wars and insisted that I read the Rogue Squadron books.

That was a Good Decision. Dating him, not so much.

I had a huge assortment of Life Issues. Got into an abusive relationship that would end up lasting 14 years. Transferred schools. Got the fucking Psych degree, though literally only by the grace of a professor who didn’t want to see the kid not graduate just ‘cause she couldn’t numbers and I did go in and try. Talked to him and still couldn’t with the maths but the effort was there to bump me a few points above failing.

I was burnt out. I was depressed. I tried killing myself a few times – not very good at it, as you can see. Took up self-harm as a coping mechanism. Failed in the still never successful search for a decent therapist in Pittsburgh. Got a job slinging food, because needed some kind of income, and people without pressure was nice. The keeping on a schedule thing failed, leading to an average of 4 hours sleep a night. Losing contact with family and friends because I couldn’t stand the pressure of “how are you?” and “what’s going on in your life?” Clinging to Warcraft because repetitively farming was better than clawing open my back or neck again, and the people there were ok with some rando dropping out of sight on a dime, and only a persistent few had the grace and spirit to make it past some serious defensive issues of mine.

I stopped writing. Stopped caring about Gargoyles, stopped being able to see into that AU I’d made for myself of a crazy clan and the weird human who survived cancer with them.

Stopped going on IM, for the same reasons I stopped talking to people.

I still kept track of some folks via LiveJournal. A handful of the Gargoyles folks who were determined, gods know why and thank you, since I know several are here on the tumbles and I genuinely love you to bits.

I quit my job after five years, because enough was enough between the fact that it had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship and I was fucking tired of being a manager without any actual authority, and the endless hamster wheel of hiring and people quitting because it was a nice, but highly dysfunctional place.

I missed the customers, though. Several of them are here too, and it’s kinda funny ‘cause I know in at least one case I talked to them about Star Wars. I still hope they’re not too shellshocked that I kinda went down the rabbit hole pretty deep.

Started getting more sleep. Not less anxiety, not less depressed. Tried out a few depression medications, with very mixed results.

Then one day @dogmatix came into the LJ area I still hung out in. Enthusiastically recommending to all and sundry that if there is even a shred of interest in Star Wars, THERE IS THIS THING YOU SHOULD READ.

She drew a Wookiee. That was a character?

I’d always liked Wookiees.

And I needed something to read.

Star Wars was one of those things, from back in the day before things went to shit. Low investment, since if I didn’t like it or didn’t care, then eh. Whatevs. Dogmatix was one of the Gargs holdouts still in my circle (or whatever it is that I was hovering at the edges of), and in the past I’d liked her recommendations more often than I disliked them.

I’m also endlessly weak to her art.

Wookiee.

So I did that thing. That so many of us here have done. It took me about 2 weeks to get through Re-Entry. It had trouble taking root in the depression, but Obi-Wan going crackers was something I could empathize with and appreciate.

There was the hope that had been missing from the EU novels I’d tried reading back in the day.

There was Wookieepedia, which meant I could stop and see what a Nautolan was. I had tabs open for DAYS so when someone named Adi or Gallia who were apparently the same person? I could see who that was. I got stupidly distressed that Abella didn’t have an entry, until I twigged and checked for a Chitanook, and holy shit I could never tell what character was going to crop up as canon, obscure EU character, or home brewed.

I honestly expected to set it aside, get updates as they happened, and gradually step away because that’s how things were going at the time.

But I still needed something to read, to stave off empty hours when my brain was too full of screaming.

On Ebon Wings. I’d loved The Crow when I’d seen it back in high school, and that story tapped into the powerful visuals and the lovely message I’d adored and in ways I still don’t quite understand it somehow validated that I could be mad and still be ok. Maybe. Maybe not now, but someday.

Maybe.

So I gave in and got a Tumbl. I’d been a stubborn holdout, regularly checking the same half dozen feeds daily because dammit, I don’t wanna go through the trouble and I was close to giving up on LJ and another journaly thing? That was stupid. But I wanted to follow Flamethrower and Dogmatix, and it made it infinitely easier to follow several blogs (and oh GODS one of those is a mutual and holy fuck I swear I screamed the day that happened and it’s still a high to realize).

Dogmatix wrote Möbius and Accidental Timeshare, wherein Venge goes universe hopping. That’s also a weakness of mine.

I’d been kvetching IRL about the treadmill and wanting something to watch, and someone mentioned in Dogmatix’s feed The Clone Wars – which conveniently was on Netflix. So I figured what the hell. I was disinclined to like clones – ‘cause yeesh, they’re the reason the Jedi all died, and yeah, ok, the Order was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, but.

I still had never seen Episodes 2 or 3.

I turned on the Clone Wars movie, and within ten minutes I nearly fell off the back of the treadmill due to crying.

THIS was the Star Wars of my youth. THIS was what I remembered. A little grim. Lots of quips.

That sound. Lightsabers igniting. A-wings rumbling overhead. Blasterfire, and that music.

I had to stop and calm down and for the first time in ages WRITE [, because I just had to ramble about how it all hit me in the feels]. I had no idea I’d missed this.

By the end of the movie I’d decided ok, I wanted more. Wasn’t sold on these clone fellas, and damned if I could tell one set of armor from another (this is ALSO due to the treadmill screen being calibrated to be a compromise of a very short person – me – and a very tall person, which means neither person gets a decent view but that’s not what the treadmill tv is for).

I’d been told there was an order to the episodes, but I didn’t care. Continuity is for those who think about the future, and I was still regularly suicidal.

So the first episode I watched was Yoda romping around a planet, playing with droids while three clone troopers tried to babysit his mad little ass.

They had me, all in one episode. I loved these guys. They had individuality, I could tell them apart by the voices (which is sometimes just as important to me as visuals) even if I couldn’t name them, and the personalities –

They were loyal. Their primary concern was old batty Yoda which I had adored as a child because MUPPETS. They were willing to die to keep him safe and there was this lovely reciprocity in taking care of each other and all of them, clones and Jedi alike were doomed to extinction and I don’t think I knew yet HOW the clones were except they weren’t in the OT so there was shit going down.

Tragic figures, loyal found family, incredible voice acting, Batty Old Yoda who OH YEAH FUCKING KICKED SO MUCH ASS I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH.

I wanted to keep those three clones. I was willing to keep them all.

Final blow, that knocked me into the fandom so hard I’ll be surprised if I ever leave?

THIS.

The origins of Balance. This is the post that started a simple notion, to try to write something when I’d gone….anywhere from 7 to 10 years of not writing A SINGLE. DAMNED. THING of substance – and that was after thinking I might try to get a degree related to it.

Darth Wraith was a tentative idea. I was scared @deadcatwithaflamethrower would be irked I wanted to play in her sandbox (oh my gods I was inserting myself into a conversation with her this amazing person who wrote blindingly well and so damn much and how the FUCK was I daring to speak up about a silly half DREAM I’d had because once again I couldn’t sleep).

Then, because I was trying to break out of the depression, the cycles of mental ill health, and if I was on this tumbls thing, fuck it, I’d try the IM thing again.

I’d been gone long enough that pretty much no one on my contact list was still there. That…was ok. There wasn’t the pressure.

And Dogmatix popped on, asking if I wanted to share details about this Sith Qui-Gon thing.

I had A SCENE. ONE. SCENE. And she was spinning it off into this EPIC, which at first I was gleeful because she had neat ideas and I couldn’t wait to see what she would do with it and then wait, she’s not talking about writing it herself, this is more about something WE could work on.

Thank gods it was IM, because I had a little panic about commitment to a project when I regularly was sure I wasn’t going to see tomorrow and if I didn’t wake up one morning that’d be MORE than ok.

Still. There was that itch. The visuals in my brain. The characters I’d started to like in Flamethrower’s universe, which had formed my mental voices for them.

The only sound in my head for so long was just screaming.

Writing down that scene in Knock On Effect, where Venge meets Wraith – that felt good. It never changed much from the first draft to what was posted. The rest grew, and quickly. It was clear if we were doing this, then there were multiple stories, spanning in universe years.

And then there were spinoffs. Wonderful ideas and plots spiraling away from this one notion, and gods I wanted to write about those glorious clones.

How’d I get into Star Wars?

Chance. One strange little step at a time, and a bunch of miracles and horrors that kept me bleeding but not dying. Damn good fic. The kindness of friends. The generosity of strangers.

The tragedy of a once great order of space monks, and their allies-forced-to-be-betrayers clones.

One little picture, of Qui-Gon Jinn with Sith eyes.

#tumblageddon #reviving from the purge #star wars #tw #self harm #suicide #depression #mental illness #abuse #emotional #Norcumi has Opinions again #deadcatwithaflamethrower #dogmatix #i did not expect to cry when writing this #star wars saved my life #literally

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vakariansmonocle · 6 years

Text

@scriptuurient have some gay shit u lil fckr <3

it’s a lil gay and probs a lil long & maybe a lil sad. but have - have a good read

i lied it’s really long and REALLY gay.

A year ago, around this time, my life was kind of in shambles and I wasn’t okay. I was hanging onto the wrong people — Person. A mistake.

A year ago, my mother tried to kill my father.

A year ago, that person tore apart my progress, my writing, my art and my mental health. They tore me apart, and i didn’t realize it. or maybe i did, but feeling loved is uh. Rare for me.

A bad time really, all around.

But almost a year ago, got a month to go, I met an amazing person. I met my friend Lucas. Now you may be asking, why’s this important?

Other than he’s really important to me, it’s probably one of the most important moments of my life.

A list of Reasons Why I love Lucas & Why he’s so Important to me:

1. i think like him being in my life is not just extremely important because i love him?? but because like the friendship we’ve had has helped me really sort of feel loved by everyone who does love me. I know it probably sounds weird, and maybe it’s cruel. But i relied really heavily on someone praising me and having some love for me more than what my friends could offer. Because that was, and sometimes still is, the ideology drilled in my head. But being friends with him has slowly really helped me moved passed that. Like bein friends with him was literally like, here’s this light in your life. But here’s the other’s who have been there the whole time. and that’s EXTREMELY important to realize when you’re dealing with traumas and depression.

I know i still struggle with a LOT but i am aware that i’m not completely alone because this one fckn person scrambled over all the stupid walls and p much metaphorically gave me a hug and told me i mattered to him.

It was like. he hugged me and i Felt it. For once.

Which sounds so cold to me every time i think about it. How little i’ve really felt the love of my friends and people who care about me. Legitimately it’s the worst. But it’s not that way now. It’s not that way now. and I refuse to go back to that.

2. It’s this same feeling of feeling that importance to everyone, but on a smaller scale. Because I tend to ramble a lot I tend to over express myself and it takes a lot for me to not fckn feel like shit afterwards. And this is something i’ll struggle with for awhile. But like, Lucas also rambles to me and talks to me and vents and it’s. Good. It feels so balanced and easy most of the time. Granted, we’ll still apologize to each other but it’s more instinct for me than actually really feeling it (most of the time.)

It’s the small, ‘it’s okay! i don’t mind’ & ‘no it’s okay! i appreciate it.’ and continuing the ramblings that really helps. and god im crying about it right now christ. but it’s that important to me honestly. it means so much to hear that it’s okay. that’ i’m okay more importantly. It’s like shushing that part of my brain that goes into a full blown panic for rambling that makes him so ?? so good for me.

3. For almost a Year we’ve talked nearly every day. I mean like literally we have talked every day. Even if it was a brief ‘hey i love you’ because of whatever reason. But we’ve literally talked so much. It’s so consistent and comfortable. And I’m honestly really excited to talk with him verbally?? Because god it’ll be so good for me. because like a.) socializing verbally is not a good skill of mine b.) i wanna talk to him like all the time c.) i can get use to talking with him verbally and feel at ease which helps with see a.

But like honestly that’s been the best part, ya know? Feeling like this is just part of my day to day. That it’s something good and like, we don’t have to talk all the time?? and that’s so good lmao. It’s so good. Good on my soul and my fucking psyche. God i love it.

Like I love talking to him??? I love talking about oc’s and ships and random shit!! i love talking about gender stuff and life stuff!! i love when he talks about rocks and minerals and space!! i love when he rambles to me about things he loves!! and i know this ties into 2. but its so important to point this part out on its own okay. I love!!! i LOVEEEEE when he talks to me about everything!!! i love feeling that he trusts me to vent to me and i love feeling that he wants me to know things about his life!! i love when we talk about what we’re going to do when we hang out because, pOINTS AT 1!!! It feels so good!!! it feels so good to feel included in his life and it feels so good to know and talk about how he wants MEEEE in his LIFEEEE!!!! that’s so amazing y’all it’s so good it feels so good helps when i get fucked up!

4. i’m a big gay?

Is that a good reason.

this is all really gay.

But i mean honestly it’s so good to feel okay to feel this gay?? Like all of these tie into each other, honestly. But I love feeling gay, and okay for it. I know what does this have to deal with my boy? Well you see... My love and care for him... It’s gay. Gay as heck.

I wanna pick him up like a suitcase.

I wanna carry him when he’s tired.

I wanna help him learn handy dandy skills.

I wanna be there for him as long as i can, and as long as he wants me here.

i wanna carry him down the street in fuck boy outfits together so he can be like ‘MOVE, WE’RE GAY’

I wanna look at the stars, and then at him while he rambles about them, and be like ‘wow you’re gay for space’ so he can, in turn, be like ‘oh no you found me out....’ and i can smooch his fucking forehead and call him a big nerd

i wanna be able to wake up to him curled up on me because i am a fckn personal heater

I want all of this because I love him, and i think he deserves so much and i want to help get him all of it. I want to help him reach these goals and dreams because I love him so much and he’s my best fucking friend.

So it’s SUPER gay.

5. Every time i think about how much i want to be there for him gives me another quarter in the game of life y’all. It puts fucking money in the slot to keep me going. It is a goddamn lifeline that has helped me grab onto a life i want to live.

Like.

If i didn’t have him? I wouldn’t fucking see shit the same. I wouldn’t feel loved by my friends. I wouldn’t have this progress in getting better. I wouldn’t be looking at places in denver for myself, and wanting to plan out a life i wanna live. I wouldn’t be trying with nearly the same amount of want or need to live. I’d be existing, and drifting. It wouldn’t be the same

and you might be like, aeron that’s absurd. that’s a lil much.

But no. it’s really not it’s REALLY not. I cannot imagine myself without this friendship because it has helped me so much. Do you know what it’s like to look forward to talking to someone as soon as you wake up? Like literally, I don’t know if he sees me post something or what. but every day he sends me a message almost exactly when i get up. and it feels good having this.

if i didn’t have him there to help me out when others, by no fault of their own, couldn’t? i literally don’t think I’d be here as well as i am. Maybe i’m exaggerating because i don’t know. Maybe I’m letting my emotions have this too much but i don’t care!!! I don’t!! I don’t know what my life would be like without him, but i can tell you this right now: I would not be me and I would not have felt the same. I would not be feeling things as well. & I really don’t want to know at all what it’d be like without him in my life.

people forget how important that little push is. It literally takes one person to kick start a bit of your brain. One person to pull out a twist in the cables. One person to help you to your feet and give you understanding of things. To help you know that this is what something’s like.

so.

I love Lucas. I love him. I love him and i am proud of him. I am so proud of you honey. I am so excited to see you grow and learn. I’m so excited to see you live, live show edition: Lucas watches spooky shit at 2am and we eat starbursts by the handfuls.

I’m so happy I know you. I’m so happy you let me in your life, luke. like god I’m.

Im gay and i’m happy and i’m so excited to see you grow and just!! all of it!!! you’re so wonderful and i’m gonna be here for you, okay? Whole way. In this together & not leaving anytime soon.

& i apologize if this was a lot or stepped too much?? lemme know okay?

TL;DR: I love you and you’re friendship with me has been critical to my steps in recovery and I’m gay.

#For Luke #scriptuurient #long post /#friend positivity stuff #seriously this is so long i didn't think it would be #but here's my near 2k essay on why i love my best friend #and why he's so important to me??#thanks for coming to my ted talk y'all it's been Great #sorry if u cry but i needed to Ramble bout you hon

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