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shinjaeha · 3 years

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ipytm ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

this is going to be a tough post for me to do bc honestly...this ep just left me feeling so run down. i know that the cast and crew have always strived for realism and authenticity with this series, but this one was just a lot to take in :/ my thoughts are gonna be even more all over the place than usual but idec at this point. having to rewatch this ep again is really fucking hard (even harder than itsay ep 4 bc even though that makes my heart ache, i still feel some sense of satisfaction from the development we get...this just leaves me feeling defeated in every way).

you know the drill: not an analysis, just me ranting as usual bc free therapy (and boy do i need it after this one)!! i had so many feelings watching this ep (esp towards teh but what’s new), so here goes.

we begin with the drama students rehearsing for jai’s new play, and the introduction of the plum wine which will be the recurring motif in this whole ep. the use of the plum wine in this also kind of reminds me of how teh initially disliked coconuts until he started falling in love with oh-aew and started to like them instead...i’m guessing that’s the parallel they’re trying to draw with the plum wine comparison in this.

teh’s having a hard time getting into character (which we already know from last ep was always going to be one of the toughest challenges for him as an actor). his character in the play is supposed to have a sex scene, but he’s struggling with this bc he can’t put himself in his character (akin’s) shoes, so jai ends rehearsals early.

jai gives them all logbooks which he basically wants them to treat as diaries where they’ll write everything they feel/learn and hand it back to him (he’ll be the only one reading them). ngl this already had me feeling kind of yikes (esp now as i rewatch this knowing how everything went down) since jai already has inside knowledge about teh’s feelings on his relationship with oh-aew which he can take advantage of :/ more on that later though...

it’s sad to me that so much time has passed since teh’s argument with khim and he's STILL avoiding her. khim was someone that he respected immensely (and was such a great mentor for him) so it just sucks to see that their relationship has deteriorated so much since the first two eps. teh might have had his reconciliation moment with oh-aew last ep, but there’s still a lot that he’s not ready or willing to address yet.

i understand that teh’s just encouraging jai about his work when he tells him to stop having others comment on it, but at the same time, i disagree with him bc i think it IS important to get other peoples’ opinion about your work. how else will you ever be able to see things from other perspectives if you don’t?

anyway, teh tells jai he’s seeing a play, and jai asks teh if he’s bringing oh-aew...the look on teh’s face is telling enough that things aren’t going great between them (at least on his end). this brings us to the logbook scene, where teh’s homework for the day is to write about the similarities and differences between himself and his character in the play. this gets teh to reflect on how he feels his relationship with oh-aew is changing, or specifically, how oh-aew seems to be changing so much that teh feels like he’s becoming someone else entirely...and does that mean that he still loves him the same?

i feel like this is a fairly common issue with people that have been in a relationship for a while (and this is their third year together now), so i understand how teh might start having doubts. it’s nothing that oh-aew’s done, it’s just that sometimes all these small changes can keep mounting up to the point that they feel much bigger than they actually are. oh-aew’s really just doing what everyone else does, which is grow and change as they get older, but teh’s still stuck in the past trying to hold onto what they used to have instead of evolving with oh-aew. the way teh picks at all these little changes of oh-aew does make me think that he’s self-sabotaging himself. he’s just so afraid and insecure that oh-aew will change so much he leaves him, that he has to nitpick at reasons why oh-aew’s the one that’s growing away from him (though when we watch the whole ep we know that that’s not the case at all). it’s like a ‘if i push him away first, then he won’t push me away’ sort of self-defence mechanism. either way, teh’s a constant overthinker...and he’s always been his own biggest enemy since the start, so it makes perfect sense to me that he would do this to himself here too.

i know that they’ve been together for years at this point, so things are not quite as exciting as they used to be, but it hurts to see oh-aew be so happy about getting an A for his class, and teh be so unenthused about it. oh-aew has to basically beg teh to give him attention and praise. remember when teh used to get so worried when oh-aew did badly in chinese class...and now it’s like whatever to him just bc he’s not tutoring him/they’re not in the same major anymore :((( i know it’s prob both bc teh’s still hurting that oh-aew transferred majors, and from seeing oh-aew succeed while he feels like he’s failing, but still...

also, not inviting him to see the play with him bc he thought oh-aew wouldn’t be interested/oh-aew kept falling asleep whenever they saw plays together ;;; i get the reasoning from both povs, but it still is nice to be asked :(

so one thing i have to say about the progression of their relationship here is that i just feel this huge disconnect from last ep and this ep?? i know it’s bc of the time skip (since it’s a year later basically), but to go from the end of ep 2, where they’re promising to love each other forever, and then to teh feeling disillusioned/as though he’s falling out of love with oh-aew basically right after that?? it’s so jarring. i feel like we lose so much with these time skips bc the transition from ep 2 to ep 3 is never really shown, so there’s this lack of flow there. like we’ve skipped a step entirely and something’s missing. this is the disadvantage of only focussing on one year per ep since there’s not enough time to explore as much character and relationship development when we’re only seeing an hour long snippet of an entire year. it just makes things feel superficial since so much of what we should be seeing is missing...and we basically have to fill in all the gaps ourselves.

okay, back to oh-aew ranting to his friends about how he feels like his relationship with teh is fading away bc they don’t have the same interests anymore, but also wondering if that’s just normal for long-term relationships. bless that boy that came to ask oh-aew for his ig :’) at least he knows that he’s wanted and has options, even if he obv turns him down bc of teh (for now).

plug and mangpong are dating!!!!!!! and mangpong does a horrible job of trying to hide it 😂 sidenote, but i love the way pp delivers lines sometimes (like the “just shocked”), he’s so cute. plug and mangpong’s legs touching...and the wave of nostalgia that came over me (and oh-aew) during that ;;; oh-aew seeing their blossoming relationship would make him reminisce back to his own experience of falling in love with teh...when everything was still so fluttery and new. so when teh texts him about using his car to help jai move, he looks happy. like he wants to rekindle those feelings again too.

that being said, it’s kind of sad to me how even jai shows more interest in oh-aew’s major than teh (when he asks him for his opinion on how to get people interested in his play). oh-aew’s got some good ideas and is more than willing to help (esp since he wants to connect and find a common interest with teh again). also, just bc oh-aew doesn’t want to be an actor anymore doesn’t mean that he’s completely uninterested in it. god, watching this part again hurts bc oh-aew looks so happy and optimistic. he worked so hard to help teh (and jai) only for them to betray him like that. it made me mad originally, but now it just breaks my heart :(

jai’s running acting classes again for his play, and this time it’s a workshop to help them tap into their feelings. it’s like an intimacy exercise where they give one another consent to touch certain body parts. teh is still struggling a lot with this. i think teh craves intimacy, but as he doesn’t feel that connection in his personal life to oh-aew anymore, so it’s difficult for him to draw on his experiences. he can’t even remember the first time he had sex with oh-aew properly anymore. as usual, teh’s too in his own head to just go with the flow and ~feel things (which isn’t new since teh’s had problems with this since itsay), but it’s def something that he’ll need to learn how to do if he wants to become an actor. he’s trying, but the fact that he can’t get to that place makes him feel even more insecure than ever that he might never be able to get there. imo one of the reasons teh works so hard, and is as driven and ambitious as he is, is that he’s afraid that he’ll never be good enough. he puts so much pressure on himself, and the issue with that is that he’ll never be able to live up to his expectations that way.

teh is also very much alone now. oh-aew has his group of friends to talk to about his relationship with teh, but teh just has jai at this point. he’s pushed khim away...and he and oh-aew aren’t communicating effectively (which is also why they’re on SUCH different wavelengths in terms of where their relationship is at), so there’s literally only jai for him to talk to about all his relationship issues. and to me at least, jai seems to have ulterior motives (particularly when you consider that the subject matter of his play is pretty much the same thing that teh’s going through rn). it’s times like this when i do feel kind of bad for teh, but then again, he brought this upon himself the way that he almost always does...and it leaves me frustrated instead.

jai kissing his professor though...also their conversation?? i have QUESTIONS...

that whole interaction with teh when jai catches him spying on him and the professor was SO awkward. idk what it is about teh but i have never encountered a character that has given me as much secondhand embarrassment as he does. when he starts touching the bars and avoiding eye contact i just- why, teh why?????

moving on, i’m thinking there’s prob more to that scene that we don’t know about bc jai’s shifty like that...but it’s purpose is also to shift teh’s perception of jai. before this, he pretty much just saw jai as his friend and mentor, but seeing him kiss someone else pushes him to think of jai in another less platonic light. like the first spark of attraction.

the both of them go to see the mime show (babymime), and i know that the point of this is so teh can learn to just feel and let go the way that the mimes in this play do, but idk it’s just kind of funny to me the contrast between the last scene and this one.

the leg touching scene again but this time with teh and jai...thanks, i hate it :///

teh’s already feeling like he and oh-aew’s interests are making them drift apart, so by connecting with jai, it’s that initial feeling of attraction that he used to feel with oh-aew all those years ago. jai is that cool senior that he respects...he’s goal-oriented and has so much in common with him (in a way that he feels that oh-aew doesn’t anymore), so it doesn’t altogether surprise me that teh latches onto jai in this way. esp when all their conversations revolve around what teh’s most passionate about, and what dreams they’re striving towards in the future.

it doesn’t surprise me bc teh’s affections shifted in a similar way from tarn to oh-aew when he was first starting to realise his feelings for oh-aew too (though at least he and tarn were never officially dating during that time...)

there’s a genuineness to the way teh praises and encourages jai that isn’t there when he’s doing the same to oh-aew :( and that coupled with teh lying to oh-aew about him having dinner with jai while oh-aew is at home, completely oblivious, painstakingly photoshopping his boyfriend’s face on the poster of the play TO HELP TEH instead of doing his own uni work, makes me so fucking upset for oh-aew.

it’s interesting to see how different their personalities are even when it comes to something as simple as the way they read their texts. oh-aew is so ready to accept whatever teh tells him at face value, but teh overthinks everything to the point where he jumps to a certain conclusion in his head about it instead.

but yeah, it’s just really tough to see oh-aew try so hard for teh, only to see teh do nothing back for oh-aew in return. there’s only so much one side can give. it’s the absolute lack of effort on teh’s part to even try to make things work with oh-aew that is the most frustrating thing of all. oh-aew is carrying their entire relationship rn and it makes me feel all “and for what?? why should he even bother??” about it.

sneaking to sit at the river with jai is like this forbidden, new experience, so it just enhances that feeling of attraction that teh is already feeling towards jai. and esp when he starts telling him about his previous relationship with james, the significance of the plum wine, and how jai ended up breaking up with him. since it’s reflective of teh’s own experiences atm (even in how he kind of self-sabotages himself to push people/oh-aew away first), he clearly takes it to heart. and it makes him want to do an even better job since the play is an autobiographical one for jai. not to mention, teh supposedly being the only one that jai told his story to makes him feel ‘special’......and we all know how teh likes feeling as though he’s special to someone. you can see it in how dejected he is when he thinks jai only told him his story bc he wanted him to get into character better, but perks up the moment jai says he actually told him bc teh’s been doing such a good job (and to encourage him). like i mentioned before, teh’s already feeling vulnerable and isolated from everybody else, so hearing any sort of praise (and esp when it’s from someone that he looks up to as much as jai), is going to pull him in.

when they were hiding from the security guard i was like ughhh i know where this is heading and i. don’t. like. it........

the problem is that i know where teh stands on this. like i know that there’s some attraction on his end. but i don’t know where jai stands. is he intentionally manipulating teh’s feelings for his play? is there any sincerity there? i think it’s obvious that he can tell teh is attracted to him from the glance that they share in this scene, but i can’t get a handle on what he actually wants (which i guess is the point of making his character as mysterious as it is but still). and if he can tell, and he doesn’t actually like teh back in that way, it makes the end scene even more yikes imo.

hmmm teh lying in the pool trying to recreate that feeling right before their first kiss when the both of them just let everything go and sank down into the water. that’s how you KNOW the next scene is supposed to be angsty...bc just like how their first underwater kiss had a sense of sadness to it bc they were hiding, their first (on screen) sex scene has that same sense of sadness, only this time it’s bc teh’s using his attraction to jai/his method actor desire to get into character to fuel the sex instead of bc he genuinely just wants to have sex with oh-aew. and if his reasoning for the sex is bc of that, then his task to recreate their first sexual experience will never live up to the actual first time they had sex (when they BOTH wanted it, and there were no other factors involved).

that’s not to say i don’t think teh doesn’t love oh-aew anymore. i think that there HAS to be some level of love still there amidst all of the confusion, but it feels a lot more like he’s testing his love/attraction to oh-aew during this scene (sort of like how he did with tarn in itsay) than a proper ‘love scene’. like he’s trying to reconfirm his feelings, whilst using oh-aew as inspiration for his role at the same time. it makes my heart ache that this is the first love scene we get from them this series, and it’s marred by the context of what we know is going on in teh’s head. like i said, it’s this permeating sadness throughout...and just knowing that oh-aew has absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on with teh and why he suddenly wants to have sex makes it worse. oh-aew’s been trying to make things work, and in his mind, teh spontaneously coming over like this prob makes him think that things are getting better between them since this is also the closest thing to teh showing any sort of initiative to work on their relationship in this ep so far...

and that’s not also taking away how beautifully this whole scene is shot. i’ve always loved the way that teh and oh-aew play and flirt with each other (bkpp’s chemistry is honestly unparalleled!!) so it was nice to see them be kind of playful before they started kissing again (if you ignore how sad this scene really is). i LOVE the inter-splicing between their first time on the beach and the present. the way the score swells, and little moments where you can see their feet and fingers interlocked on the beach. it gives you such a visceral visual (and totally takes me back to itsay days when that sort of imagery was used a lot more). i just hate that since we know the truth, this scene is more uncomfortable than satisfying despite how nicely shot it is.

i wish we got more domestic moments from them. i know their relationship has sort of grown past those initial moments of flirtation, but it truly makes me sad that we don’t get to see more of them as a couple in general in ipytm. moments like this where they’re lying in bed cuddling each other are so few and far between that i always feel like i have to cherish every little fleeting piece of fluff that i can get. even if idek if this can really be called fluff since the context sort of ruins it.

oh-aew’s still got his heart attack bag :’)))

he was soooooo happy when he met up with his friends 😭 but also, how the hell is it possible for teachers to move deadlines up like that. i FEEL that panic... poor oh-aew...

teh’s in rehearsals again and this time he’s wearing his moon shirt which...i do NOT need those ep 3 itsay vibes rn when i was already dreading this last ten minutes with everything i have in me :((( but anyway, jai’s brought plum wine to class and we know that teh doesn’t usually drink, but he does this time. he tells teh that the taste will change over time (it symbolises the ageing of the relationship process), and teh says it’s a pity he won’t get to taste it next time since jai wants to go abroad to study. then teh tells him he’s worked on the acting exercise and wants to try it out with jai, and i feel like we all knew where it was going to go from here.........

they really had to hammer it in with him missing oh-aew’s call too huh :/

as soon as they started the touching/intimacy exercise again i was just waiting for the catch. even on this rewatch i’m still sitting here chanting “don’t do it teh don’t do it” knowing full well that he kisses jai and there’s no changing that. but then when they cut to oh-aew walking up the stairs with the posters and you hear just how much time he’s sacrificed to help teh/jai on this...sacrificing time EVEN NOW just to go over to their uni to give them the posters when he has a presentation due tomorrow that he and his friends still haven’t finished working on...it’s just heartbreaking knowing what he’s going to end up walking in on.

whether it’s itsay or ipytm, teh’s default state is confusion. so while i think that there’s a certain amount of attraction towards jai there of course, i kind of get the feeling that he’s confusing his feelings of connection with jai (bc of their shared interests and passion) with him falling in love with jai. i feel like his attraction to jai reminds him of what it was like when he was first attracted to oh-aew, and since things have changed so much between him and oh-aew, it’s like he wants to recreate and capture that feeling again with jai (which is also why he wears the moon shirt...he wore that during itsay ep 3 beach scene, which was the moment when the attraction really started to burn between him and oh-aew). he can’t feel that same spark with oh-aew anymore, so he transfers his feelings to jai since, at this point in time, he feels closer to jai than anyone else. instead of growing alongside oh-aew, it’s like he’s choosing to revert back to a time when he was happier.

we know that teh has always been the type of person that will act on his impulses when he feels them. that’s WHY it was so hard to watch...bc i knew while watching that last scene, he was never going to restrain himself or put a stop to those feelings bleeding over into action. and esp not when it could benefit him in some way with his acting too.

in the end, it just makes me so devastated for oh-aew. and i really hope that he doesn’t let this go bc he thinks it’s just teh method acting or getting into character or whatever...i know that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things rn, but that’s not an excuse. he really fucked this one up.

the thing is, it’s not that i don’t think teh is capable of acting this way (i’ve seen a few people say that this is ooc for him, but it really isn’t? this confusion and impulsiveness has always been a part of his character from the very start...he was always the one that had the most trouble dealing with his feelings out of the two of them), but the time skips don’t do him any favours bc we lose all those moments that take him to what he’s currently feeling. when we don’t have those moments, then it’s a lot harder to sympathise with him. in itsay, bc we always knew how teh got from point a to point b, even if he did frustrating/silly things, i always understood where he was coming from. i always felt for him. i GOT his struggles, which was why i was always able to empathise with what he was going through. in ipytm, he just comes off as unlikeable bc of how superficial his feelings seem (from what we’re being shown on screen at least).

falling out of love with your significant other/starting to feel things for someone else is obv a fairly common experience, so i don’t blame teh for FEELING like this, but it’s how he treats oh-aew throughout this that doesn’t sit right with me. even if you feel like you’re falling out of love with someone, or that they’ve changed since the first time you fell in love with them, you’d think there’d be some motivation to at least TRY to make things work with them before giving up. we never see that from teh at all. instead, he just see him becoming infatuated with jai (so we barely see teh/oh-aew together in the first place). and while i can see now that a lot of this is due to his own insecurities and inadequacies, it’s also just so disrespectful to oh-aew who's the one that we see putting in all this time and effort (it calls back to their whole “don’t give my time to others” scene in itsay bc we see oh-aew giving so much of his time to teh through helping him out with his play, while teh’s giving that time that should be for oh-aew to jai now). no matter his reasoning, watching teh act that way towards oh-aew does make it increasingly hard to root for him. there’s just too big a disparity in how the two of them choose to act and devote their time to their relationship.

what’s frustrating is that in itsay, teh would fuck up but he would always try to make amends with oh-aew in some way. he would always come forward to try to sort things out after...but there’s nothing here. even after their dinner fight in ep 2, it’s OH-AEW that reaches out to him first (even though it’s teh’s fault that they fought in the first place). where’s that boy that dressed up in his old school uniform in order to talk to oh-aew at his school? or made a whole chinese idioms scrapbook for oh-aew? or gave up his uni admission for oh-aew? i understand that characters and motivations change (and he was obv hopped up on his first love with oh-aew at the time), but it’s just really, really sad to see teh keep messing up and not even try to meet oh-aew halfway with this. yes, you can fuck up, but there are only so many times you can keep fucking up before it starts to look more like a pattern of shitty behaviour than a few forgivable missteps.

another issue is that there’s been so much focus on teh and his flaws that a lot of the time oh-aew comes off as a side character to teh’s story. previously, i understood that since teh was grappling with his sexuality. it made sense that his journey was the primary focus of the plot and character development. but i always felt that there was more room to explore oh-aew’s story (and i thought that we would get a lot more of that in ipytm...esp after ep 1), but it just feels like we kind of skimmed past all of oh-aew’s growth and struggles adjusting to bangkok/uni life so we could turn the attention back to teh again. i just hate that we never get to see more of how oh-aew’s changed in teh’s eyes (other than the surface level things like his hair, new car and major), and that we never get to see more of oh-aew’s life when it’s not related to teh in general. i hope that we’ll get more of oh-aew in the last two eps, but i really don’t know what they’ll give us anymore.

at this point, i don’t even want them as endgame anymore given everything that’s happened in the recent ep. and it pains me so much to say that bc teh/oh-aew are so immensely important to me, but they’re just in such different places in life. and teh esp has so much more growing to do (i think i said this last week too? teh...). oh-aew deserves to be with someone that can see his worth as he is (that won’t cheat on him for one!!). i just want him to be with someone that can make him happy. what i wanted most for them out of this was for the two of them to grow to a better place (together and as individuals), and while i still want that for them as individuals, it’s hard for me to want them to be happy together anymore. at least for the time being.

i’m kind of at a loss for how they’re gonna work through this (and i genuinely want oh-aew to be able to explore his options too...particularly with someone that will actually treat him better than teh’s treating him atm). so at this point it’s kind of looking to me like a break up is inevitable? but i do think it’s necessary for both of them rn. i feel so heartbroken about it though...like ipytm is actually making ME go through the breakup...breaking up with all my beloved itsay teh/oh-aew memories :((( anyway, i think a break up is also conveniently the best time to put a time skip tbh...so we’ll see if that does end up happening now in future eps.

this one took such a long time to write up bc i wrote like a quarter of this RIGHT after i finished watching the ep (so you can clearly tell which parts were me right after the ep, and which parts were me after i had some time to sit on what happened 😂), but i thought it was best to take a bit of a break. i didn’t rewatch it again until i calmed down a little and sorted out my thoughts some more (though i know this is still pretty messy). but yeah, i’m still very much interested in watching how they things are going to progress from here...but i can’t deny how sad i’ve been feeling after this.

#i promised you the moon #ipytm #text #i feel like i always need to rewatch ipytm eps bc i'm so HEATED during the first watch #but then by the second one i've usually calmed down so much more #like i obv still have a lot of things that i'm not super happy with (and rewatching this again didn't really bring me joy) but still #i get so invested in itsay/ipytm that sometimes i just gotta take myself out of the situation and go live my life for a bit #i was meant to post this yesterday bc it's been sitting in my drafts for too long but i just woke up (it's 2am) so what better time hah

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starfleetakaashi · 4 years

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hiii may i request bokuto, kuroo, kenma and iwaizumi having a fem tiktoker s/o and she tried to do sad angst pov tiktok then she get idea to prank them when they come home seeing her crying they were like "baby whats wrong" ksjsj

omg yes tiktok pranks i LIVE for those !!!!! hope u like this one :)))<333333

tiktoker s/o pranking bokuto, kuroo, kenma, and iwa:

— 𝐛𝗼𝐤𝐮𝐭𝗼;

u and bokuto are THE tiktok couple no one can tell me otherwise

this boy knows how to really throw it back and ur just like -.- ur ass is fat whatever

anyways bokuto was out getting some food and u got BORED so u wanted to do a sad tiktok

u readied urself and everything and propped ur phone up with the audio playing and started recording

when u finished recording your face was still wet asf from crying and tbh tears are still rolling as u watched the video u just took

bokuto gets home and puts down the food in the kitchen and walks over to u to say hi when he sees the tears in ur face

hes going full panic mode

“[NAME] BABY WHAT HAPPENED WHATS WRONG ARE YOU OKAY OH MY GOD IS IT BECAUSE I TOOK TOO LONG OR IS IT BECAUSE YOU SMELT THE FOOD AND YOU DIDNT LIKE WHAT I BOUGHT????????!!!!!!!!!!”

literally pls calm him down or my guy will die from a heart attack

u were feeling evil tho so ur gears started turning and oh? prank time 😃

so u started crying harder and oh my god bokuto almost passed out

thats so mean reader-chan :( u have to give him so many kisses and cuddles to make up for it when u finally tell him that it was a prank and u werent crying

— 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝗼𝗼;

this piece of shit started it first

he pranked u and used one of ur worst fears (whatever it may be) and decided to bring ur recorded reaction to tiktok and now ur FUMING bc it got viral

u forgave him after he annoyed u for a week but still. u will never forget.

so when he kissed u goodbye and walked out the apartment to run some errands, ur bored af

so u scrolled through tiktok and honestly ur fyp was sooo boring rn and ur like 😑

but then u come across a new tiktok trend

ur for sure kuroo hasnt seen it bc the tiktok u saw barely had 10k likes so its really new and fresh so the chances of kuroo seeing it are low

so u got to work

u started prepping urself and watched every sad video u could think of and after watching about two videos ur face was STREAMING

yeah two videos only sorry ur weak❤️

kuroo gets home about ten min after u finished prepping urself and ur surprised ur tears were still as fresh as they were

he hears some sniffling so he drops the plastic bags and heads on over to u silently

AND WHEN HE HEARD UR SOBS GET LOUDER AND UR SHOULDERS SHAKING HE LITERALLY ALMOST WANTED TO PASS AWAY

he immediately brought u into his arms and was like baby whats wrong :(

u smirk. u evil thing.

“GOTTEM BITCH”

he ignores u for a week.

but its ok bc u threatened him that if he ignores u for one more second ur never gonna kiss him again and it worked 😀

— 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝗺𝐚;

kenma hasnt given u any attention for the past two hours since he was streaming league

every time u passed by his gaming room u could hear the constant clicks of his keyboard and mouse as he softly spoke to his viewers and to kuroo who he was in a party with

and ur out here like ☹️ why does kuroo’s chicken looking ass get attention when i DONT.

soooo u decided to pull a lil prank on him

despite kenma being caught up with the trends hes not very caught up on tiktok trends at least not until its overrated

so u wanted to do this trend u saw a few days ago where person a pranks person b into thinking that theyre crying and is all sad

so when u hear kenma start to say his farewells to the stream and kuroo, u start hurriedly watching the saddest video u know

and it worked bc u cried the second it started and kenma was on his way to ur shared bedroom

and when he opens the door and ur on the bed with ur back facing him and shaking from the crying, hes so guilty

he thinks ur crying bc he hasnt given u attention but no ur just a lil shit 😀

he climbs on the bed and wraps his arms around u and is all soft and comforting

“are u ok [name]?” 🥺🥺🥺🥺 now u kinda feel bad

u turn to him and give him a hug, sniffling as a smile slowly crept onto ur face

u won

ofc u did end up telling him that it was a prank and that u werent actually crying but he just shakes his head at u and smiles, passionateky kissing you before cuddling with u for the rest of the day

— 𝐢𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐮𝗺𝐢;

ok listen iwa is lowkey an old man at heart so no hes not rlly caught up with the trends

he only knows a few bc of oikawa but other than that hes clueless as fuck

iwa didnt rlly do anything to u to make u wanna prank him ur just BORED

ok he lowkey kinda did tho,,, yall had a small argument which resulted into the silence between the two of u but either way all is well bc yall were sitting on the couch watching a random movie

u wanted to cuddle into him soooo bad but the urge to prank him was reaching its peak so ur just like FUCK IT

u start thinking abt smth really sad and somehow it worked??? ur eyes are tearing up and fat ass tears are streaming down ur face u should be an actor

iwa notices ur sniffles and hes like AH FUCK.

he starts thinking like is it bc of the argument u two had??????? he feels so bad reader-chan u are EVIL!!!!!!!!

immediately he pulls u into his arms and ur like😌😌😌😏😏😏😏DAMN STRAIGHT BITCH

u start giggling and iwa is like ??????

“sorry babe i was bored its a prank im not crying”

“😐”

“😃”

“i hate u.”

“awww iwa!!!!!” u shriek as u tighten ur arms around him and hes ngl,,,, he smiled and kissed the top of ur head

ur just so cute to him and hes so in love with u how can he be mad

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #bokuto headcannons #bokuto x reader #kuroo headcanons #kuroo x reader #kenma x reader #kenma headcanons #iwaizumi headcanons #iwaizumi x reader #requested

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ziracona · 3 years

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What do you see happening after Josh is being rescued? Does he meet everyone of his friend eventually or some of them keep their distance? I read one of your answers about them abandoning him and honestly I don't think they didn't care at all about him, but the events were so traumatic and scary that they probably had a hard time taking into consideration that small possibility of him being alive. Plus I guess it's also part of the smooth flow of the game if it makes sense, Mike doesn't go after Jess either after he sees her falling into the mines and accuses Josh of killing her without being 100% sure that she is dead and without seeing Josh around when shit happened to her. But if I were Josh maybe I would be upset knowing they didn't come for me at all. So how would a reunion go?

That’s valid! You can interpret the lack of an interest in rescuing Josh to multiple things—that they are very sure he’s dead, if you want to be as generous as possible to them. That they think he’s probably dead and are afraid of dying too more than willing to save him, that they’re (sans Chris) too mad about the prank he pulled, etc. And I can see why people would go for any number of them. I think to me it has always read like they think he is probably dead, and the whatever he has, 30%, 20% chance? Of still being alive just isn’t enough for them to feel motivated to face very likely death to go hunting for him, especially with flamethrower dude just dead doing the same. Which makes /me/ angry, because Mike went batshit after seeing Jess wounded and dragged through a window and more trying to save her, multiple characters can kill themselves trying to save the others in the finale, etc, and I just think if you /can/ save someone who is your friend—or like, you have a shot anyway—you don’t know it is too late. You should. (& true Jess can still be alive and Mike will assume she is dead, but in his defense, so do basically all blind playthroughs she looks like she falls four stories or something while already almost dead I can’t fault Mike for assuming that was a 100% death there. Boy really tried. Whereas Josh’s vanishing from the shed is much less confirmed. There is no ‘I watched him fall’ here. Just a neither he nor his dead body were still in the shed so /something/ happened). Like I do get it, that’s a terrifying situation and not helping doesn’t = not caring, but I will hold it against characters if they don’t risk themselves to save their friends and I will be unhappy with them. Loyalty is very important to me. But it is a truly terrifying situation.

But I also get why they’d be terrified to go out there. I don’t think it makes them evil to not want to risk it till they have to, it just makes me disappointed in them. I don’t think I said I think they didn’t care about him—typo if I did, because I certainly don’t think that at all! I think Chris was traumatized and felt very sure he was dead, Ashley didn’t care (she explicitly says she thinks he deserves it and tries to stop Chris from saving him the first time), Emily doesn’t care a lot one way or another and is mostly on her own trauma right now and thinking about Matt and the awful shit she saw, that Sam does care but thinks he is probably dead and is in team mom mode and cares more about trying to keep as many friends alive as possible right now than anything else and doesn’t want to lose the others, and Mike is still pissed but also feels very bad and would prefer for Josh to make it but is also more focused on group survival and not losing anyone else since he just lost someone he loves horribly (based largely on how his reaction to the safe room scenario is either to kill Emily and feel awful but do it because he very vocally and visibly doesn’t want the others to be killed and she won’t go peacefully, and he’s terrified of losing them, or to try but not be able to because he loves Emily, and instead give the gun to the others to try to save themselves with in the event she /does/ turn). And although he’s a right coward bastard for leaving Josh if Josh gets grabbed instead of killed, down in the mines, I do think he cared about Josh. He seems truly sorry to some extent when he finds him, and does /try/ to lead him out of the mines. At the point they make the decision to go for the cable car key, I don’t think they don’t care at all, except Ashley. I just think they should care more. Although I tend to give Chris a pass because he just watched a man get beheaded, has strong reason to think Josh is dead, is injured, and spends the entire rest of the game more or less in traumatized mode quiet in the corner.

But that said I can also see why people would interpret the reactions to mean they all believe he is very dead, and mean they’re going after his corpse! I can see lots of basis in-game to interpret in quite a number of ways. And be generous to the fool kids if you want to! I /super/ hold abandoning Josh in the mines wildly against Mike, but Mike is still one of my favorite characters in the whole game. I love how flawed the cast is and that you go in hating most of them and only slowly grow to care because you don’t want them dead-dead, which keeps you there long enough to see some of their good sides. *cheff’s kiss* the great ability of the horror genre. The bar to initially invest is so low, it lets you have such a multi-faceted cast.

Okay anyway, original question! What do I see happening after Josh gets rescued and exorcised.

I think he meets up with all of them again eventually. Interesting to think from Josh’s pov how he’s going to feel. I expect to some degree he does feel abandoned, and fairly, and in RoB it is very clear he is afraid to some extent of Mike and Chris after being dragged off and tied up and left in the shed, and the things they said to him. He also /definitely/ feels massively guilty and self-blaming about all of it. He’s telling himself through Hill that no one will come for him and it’s his own fault by the final chapter. And mostly he’s just afraid of Mike and in ptsd dissociating mode by the time Sam and Mike find him. So, mixed feelings on his part I expect. Lots of fear and pain and hurt at being abandoned and so universally believed capable of murder, hurt, left to die alone in the mines. Pretty damn betrayed, and that on top of the hurt from what happened to his sisters and the inherent paranoia of paranoid schizophrenia. Hurt that they just left him. Hurt they didn’t believe him. Hurt nobody came for him until it was too late. Hurt he got betrayed again. Probably pretty miserable overall. But with that, also feels really bad about going too far and hates and blames himself intensely for everything, and I expect is also kind of not just traumatized but ashamed of what happens to him, and everyone knowing about the possession and the cannibalism. Probably he wants to lock himself in a room in the corner of a big house and never come out. But also is intensely and miserably and hopelessly lonely. Probably feels all of his friendships are likely broken beyond repair.

I don’t think they are though. Chris “I’m not your bro” six seconds later “bro are you for real?” Hartley almost dies trying to save him and wouldn’t care about the possession stuff except to be worried about him. Sam is angry and harboring some resentment, but clearly reacts to Mike reporting he is gone with regret. Mike would probably feel very guilty for leaving him and be hesitant to reconnect and then defensive doing it, but I think he cares. Jess wasn’t even there for this shit so probably she does. Same for Matt maybe? Ashley and Emily are harder to guess for. I think Ashley would be incredibly angry and resentful—I mean she wants him dead in-game, but might eventually join the others if the others got over stuff? Bc she’s also kinda a joiner? Really it’s hard to say she is a very...hair-trigger character. Volatile and intensely and massively changeable. Probably the least predictable of all. That kind of person scares me deeply in real life because I have been very backstabbed by them before. >.> But anyway hard to say. Also a lot of this depends on what ending, even assuming they all live. But I usually assume that like, Mike almost shot Em, didn’t, Matt tried to save her, Sam saw the workshop, etc ending. Emily I really don’t know. She’s a very self-reliant and hard person. She didn’t have anything very specifically for or against Josh with her experience, but wasn’t that close to him before, so I think she just kinda falls wherever she falls.

I think mostly though that they’d reconnect. Definitely Chris would jump to it, and I think Sam would too—she’s a well educated, empathetic and understanding person. She’d know he needs her. And Chris is his childhood best friend and cares the whole game. I think Mike would try to go too because of guilt, and because he’s a decent guy. Probably so would after not much time those least effected by what Josh did. I think Josh would be alone while being exorcised and probably reocvering in a hospital some after, and Chris would be the first, or Chris and Sam possibly. I think he’d be afraid to see them, and it would be complicated and messy and painful for them all, but it would be okay and sort itself out and they’d find old ground quickly. And having them there would be /incredibly/ vital to helping him recover. I think eventually he’d get back on his feet, and a lot of his old friends would be around and stay in his life. I think things would get better. I’d say the OG ExorJosh comic writer I think did a good job of guessing about what a lot of it would be like. Hard, and slow, and messy. But a lot of them care for him, and I think that would matter enough to help things get okay between them again.

#ask #anonymous #until dawn #long post #Josh Washington #spoilers #exorjosh #exor-Josh

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space-malex · 3 years

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There's lots of back and forth on who Victor should be with, but all s1 and s2 showed me is that Victor isn't cut out to be anyone's partner at this point in his life. He did Mia dirty and couldn't even properly apologize for it in s2 and the Victor who actually prioritized Benji's happiness and tried to take all responsibility for their kiss with Derek so they can keep dating disappeared in s2. He couldn't even articulate that breaking Benji's trust was wrong with spilling his secret to Rahim, let alone understand him at any point during the season. I don't know if it's supposed to be an international character flaw to be worked on or if the writers think having everything from Victor's POV is a good excuse, but it bothers me a lot. I really thought Malex was the height of showrunner bias and uneven writing, but Venji is so much worse. Alex at least always had a POV and a well-defined personality I could easily empathize with. You can't pile a ton of trauma on a character and never explore it, especially if it's supposed to be half of your main ship. I don't know how reflective a Twitter poll is of the audience split (the one they did on Instagram was much more overwhelmingly in favour of Venji, but they also don't show how many people voted), but it's not surprising that a dynamic that was basically written to be pretty much perfect so far and a fun alternative for the main ship's drama is appealing to so many people. They could have easily sold Venji better this season as a couple. They can lay a better foundation for future romantic them if they spend real time together platonically in s3 and stop putting each other on pedestals. They can also ruin what's appealing about Vahim with drama in s3. It's anyone's guess how s3 is going to play out. All I know is if Venji is still the endgame, I don't want a redo of s1 with Victor trying to work harder at a relationship he ultimately doesn't want to be in than he ever tried to make it work with the guy he's supposedly in love with. That's a recipe for disaster. A lot of shows are guilty of never showing us an endgame ship actually working on screen before putting them back together at the end of the show. I really want better here.

A lot to unpack

Victor did apologize to Mia, said he loves her and never meant to hurt her. It’s a bit complicated because Victor never went into the relationship with bad intentions and it took him the majority of the season to come to terms with his sexuality. Yes, he should’ve ended it right away when he figured it out, and he shouldn’t have kissed Benji when he was still with her. But still, there is a fine line here because there’s only so much of an apology Victor can give without it feeling like he’s apologizing for who he is, for being gay, and that’s not something he needs to feel sorry for. I think we should also keep in mind that Mia had her little thing with Andrew at the same time and never told Victor about it. She didn’t cheat or anything (or when he kissed her she stopped it) but she had obvious feelings for Andrew that she hadn’t dealt with. Luckily they finally got resolved in s2 but they were definitely there when she was still with Victor.

Now, what is it with this Victor slander in my house? He and Benji were pretty much constantly arguing or making up, but I’ve rarely seen people apologize to someone else as many times as Victor did to Benji about things that weren’t even his fault. He spent all season apologizing for his mother, even though he has no control over what she thinks or does, but also assured Benji that she is trying and that she is getting better. And he would know that better than Benji because he knows his mother and Benji does not. Or apologizing for not being ready to come out to everyone. And then turned around and did it anyway, which was what he wanted to do, but it also felt a lot about Benji and something he was doing for him as well. Which, fine, it’s Victor’s decision and he didn’t regret doing it. But then when there were consequences that hurt him by his team being homophobic, Benji first shrugs them off and then encourages Victor to quit the team so that he’s not around homophobic people. Which okay, first of all homophobes exist everywhere but I digress. Victor was miserable after he quit the basketball team. It’s not actually what he wanted to do, and he loves basketball, and Benji had no respect for that either. He acted like basketball with some kind of leftover heteroness that needed to be expelled from Victor. And he talked shit about it with his friends right in front of Victor. In fact, every time Victor tried to express himself, he would be essentially shut down by Benji and end up apologizing. Until episode 6 with the birthday and episode 8 after Isabel caught them together.

So look, I don’t think Benji had to tell Victor anything about his alcoholism because it’s his personal business and it’s really difficult to talk about something like that and it was definitely up to him when he wanted to open up. But then he turned around and was basically pissed at Victor for knowing even though Victor found out by accident. And then he refused to talk about it. And then when Victor expressed his hurt that Benji didn’t want to talk to him, Benji responded by completely attacking Victor and straight up saying it was exhausting work being with him bc he’s got a religious homophobic mom and is newly gay. Like….what??

Benji judged Victor for 1) being a jock 2) his mother and 3) being a baby gay. Victor never once judged Benji for his alcohol problems, he was just hurt Benji didn’t share with him. He didn’t judge Benji for anything else for that matter. He definitely shouldn’t have told Rahim about Benji, even though I do understand he needed someone to open up to and he trusts Rahim, it was a violation of Benji’s trust and not okay. But that’s like…the only bad thing Victor has done all season.

As for the pov thing- it wouldn’t be such a big deal if they actually developed Benji as a character, which they have not. We get no moments of him where he’s not with Victor (except the one conversation with Isabel, which was about Victor). If you’re going to have a character not share about their life to the protagonist, you need to find another way to share it with the audience. It leads to a disconnect and lack of emotional investment in Benji for many people. The fact that I feel I know Rahim better after 5 episodes than I do Benji after 20 is saying something. But the writing has given Rahim development that it hasn’t given Benji. It’s not surprising a lot of people in the audience are feeling more connected to Rahim as a result. Polls are never the most reliable thing since it depends on who sees them and how many people (twitters was about 20k respondents iirc but no idea about ig). I see a lot of vahim shipping on twitter and ig, tumblr not so much. But I will say I’ve seen people coming around on vahim who are watching the season now, as opposed to the smaller number who immediately watched the moment it came out, went in shipping Victor and Benji and had a knee jerk reaction about the possibility of another romance for Victor.

This is not comparable to malex in any way so I have no clue why you’re bringing them up.

And personally, I was never invested in Victor and Benji’s relationship. Even in s1 I was like 🤷🏻‍♀️ And now, with or without vahim, I think Victor and Benji should break up. They’re just not a great couple and I feel like the show would do well to make it okay for your first relationship to not necessarily be right for you. Especially for a gay couple because that like…NEVER happens on tv. It doesn’t take anything away from what v*nji mean to each other. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible. I didn’t start shipping vahim bc of anything with v*nji directly, I just loved their dynamic. I love seeing Victor light up. I love seeing him comfortable instead of constantly feeling insecure and apologetic. To me, vahim connect in a way v*nji do not.

Victor did not develop feelings for Rahim just because he was having issues with Benji. Just like Benji did not develop feelings for Victor just because he was having issues with Derek. Implying that does a disservice to both relationships and kinda takes agency away from a character and their feelings. But I want him and Benji to end things for real before anything happens with Rahim. Which might mean trying to make it work for a while longer.

We will see!!

#anon #shut up kelli #vahim #ship drama #lv discourse

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alias-b · 4 years

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OKAY. So, I wasn’t gonna dignify this with an answer, but I’m feeling super good and starting my vacation and have few things to lose tbh. I blocked you, but you’ll find a way back if you feel this is really worth it.

You certainly found it worth it enough to slap that anon button to insult me and dress it up as idk ?? being helpful & even kind in your mind?? If you followed my fics, you know the nasty msgs I get monthly so why would I take a personal jab as from a good place? Why would anyone mean to act “holier than thou” ???? Telling me you’re not coming from a bad place....yet you still went anon bc you knew how this read. Hm. Anyways....to answer, I’ll just unpack this neatly:::

1) ???? When did I say ANY of that even in a talk down/negative context??? lmao I even searched my asks trying to find myself being this rude. Slide into my DMs and let me know bc from my POV, you’re blatantly misreading something or making it up?? I’m confused and of course, I’d never want to come across any kind of way like that! If I ever mention young ppl, I mean actual teenagers in fandom spaces that adults get nasty interacting with. Ppl in their 20s/30s+ really need to be mindful about interacting with ppl under 18 and attacking them or being creepy and inappropriate with them/their content. Don’t twist my words.

Ppl who write thin OCs still get hate on their fics lmao, I did. But they don’t get constant hate generally based on their size or race. ((Also like...we’re all aware of fatphobia & racism in fandom and what types of OCs/characters are targets for that...esp if they’re being paired with favs... Writers of color are absolutely also allowed their frustrations with racism in fandom spaces btw too. Do not talk over them. Just listen and be aware. Do your best.))

2) I absolutely DO NOT think I’m better or “more moral/braver” than any other writer on here wtf, I consider myself even “still young” and learning... I’m in my 20s, I’m not a fandom gma trying to police anyone??? As long as you’re living your best life, surrounded by the best content YOU want, go tf off, sis!!! We’re all in a pandemic here trying to get by.

Writing is always a growing process and we’re doing it for free, it’s not perfect and always is a skill that gets better as we do it. I try not to compare myself to others, my fics are mine and that’s IT. I’m allowed to be proud of what I’ve created and I encourage all writers to do the same. A lot of writers are happy and patting themselves on the back for what they created but I’m NOT taking digs or doing it cause I think I’m some brave crusader on a mission. I’m too tired for that bull. I don’t get/want cool points for anything. Have you sent these concerns to any one else for doing the same??? Or are you irked I’m trying to uplift MY fat character?? That I get constant hate for??? More reflection for you.

3) I’ve been incredibly supportive of OCs of all shapes and sizes. I’ve gotten asks shading thin/white “model” ocs and only ever preached patience and support to all oc writers bc it’s never right to bring someone down to lift someone else up. It’s never right to shame a writer not hurting anyone. All OCs are good OCs. That’s the point I always make!! Writing is hard. Finding face claims is hard. Making whole ass humans for a fictional world is hard. So, I’m constantly posting/replying to be open and understanding with writers, whatever they do. It’s their fic. Their characters. Their choices. All OCs are valid.

No one is obligated to make a specific type of OC, just make the OCs you want to see. I don’t think it’s right to hate or shade ANY writer/OC and I make it clear in asks that try to suggest otherwise. Maybe go reread them before slapping that brave anon button again to come from ‘a good place.’

4) Evie is ONE of FIVE OCs I’ve written on this account. And the only plus size OC of them too so IDK why I’d ever act ‘holier than thou’ about a SINGLE OC when the numbers are 1 of 5 here... I’m not gifting the fandom the gift of me, I’m just writing content I enjoy. I’m gifting it to my damn self. There’s no crusade. There’s no BIG STATEMENT UWU. She’s not some political piece, y’all can be so dehumanizing with that toward fat characters or characters of color. Just let them exist proudly. If you don’t like it maybe they’re really not for you!

Evie’s literally just a character I created that I adore. Fat characters exist and they can be whatever we writers want. If people feel represented by her, I think that’s amazing and I so so appreciate when I’m told. It’s a special thing to see yourself represented when you never do in fandom or mainstream spaces!! She represents parts of me too that I’m still learning to love. But if not, I’m sure she’s still relatable. She has a whole personality beyond being a plus size girl bc being fat is not her defining trait. We absolutely should encourage more positive diversity in fandom, esp in main characters. Everyone of all sizes writing about what they look like is awesome! We agree on that point!

5) Evie is one of five ocs. Again. I’ve gotten hate messages and passive aggressive comments for all three of my big fics. Evie has ONLY EVER gotten hate for her size and race. She’s gotten a LOT. ((sometimes her eating disorder, but that’s another issue)) And yeah, it doesn’t shock me. It’s too transparent. People who relate to her don’t deserve that shame either.

I hadn’t even started posting the actual fic before I got my first hate msg about her being an “oc reach bc billy hates fat chicks” whatever. So I think I’m allowed to defend and stan her that much harder and her role in this fic. I think I’m allowed to gush about how much I love her story against all the disgusting hate she gets. I’m not apologizing for that. Me loving Evie super hard has nothing to do with anyone else’s OC. It’s not a mission. It’s not a dig. She’s mine.

**So no, anon, I don’t think I’m doing any big, in your face, public service with my ONE plus size oc. I don’t think I’m better. I think I’m just creating content for myself to enjoy. If others enjoy it too, awesome!! If not, they’ll find something else to enjoy. It’s a big space with lots of amazing writers, I can even direct you to a few!!! I’m happy to do that!! ****If I really had an issue with white or skinny ocs....I wouldn’t be writing them myself which I DO. I wouldn’t be supporting my fellow writers who also write them!!

So you’ll excuse me if I don’t believe that you actually support Evie or me or my fics. All this message served to do was dwindle an author’s excitement for her OC and accomplishments. And you didn’t do that. I’ll try even harder to support fellow writers around me tho!! ^_^

If this is a big misunderstanding bc you misreading asks that I’ve gotten or you misread my tone or remarks anywhere, that’s really not my issue either. IDK, maybe I’m popping off too much too, but this accusation is truly mean-spirited. I know things don’t always translate over the internet well, but I’ve been openly loving and supportive to fellow friends and authors despite anything that’s been said. Even through laundry lists of passive aggressive and hateful messages about my stories since my first fic took off. I’ve seen friends get hate too and I can’t stand that they have to deal with that. They SHOULD be proud of their works always.

I know I don’t deserve them and I know I don’t deserve this either. I know who I am at the end of the day and I know what I put into the world and I know that my fics are mine first. I know my truth and I hope you know yours behind that anon button.

So, thank you for your concerns but please drop them somewhere else and have a wonderful day enjoying the free content we put out. Support your favorite writers and encourage all writers to keep doing what they love and getting better at it! Thanks!!! xoxo :)))

#anon hate #plus size ocs #sis...aren't we tired?#ya girl is feral now and anyways I love Evie and her story and her character.#reply #ask #anon

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nozomijoestar · 4 years

Text

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun" Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work,

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place,

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic.

Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists.

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

#jojo's bizarre adventure #naratrish #narancia ghirga #trish una #we support them at everything they do ty

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el-gilliath · 5 years

Text

Alex Manes Appreciation Week

May 10th - Day 7: Futurefic Before anyone comments, yes I know this is from Michael’s POV. But this is what my brain wanted. And I always listen to my creative brain. This story came from this prompt made by my beloved Marlo @bestillmyslashyheart 3) Michael self-destructs rather spectacularly after s1. After everything he’d gone through feeling Max die on him was his last straw. Maria tries to stick around and help him for a while but eventually she can’t anymore not without getting pulled down with him. So Michaels all on his own and yet somehow he wakes up most days in his own bed, his trailer is kept clean and tidy, theres always food in his fridge, and he never loses his job. At first he assumes its Isobel looking out for him but eventually (after months bc he really is a dumbass) he realizes that Alex has been coming by at night when hes drunk out of his mind and helping to keep his life in order just enough so that he doesn’t spiral any further. Its as much as he could do after Michael told him to leave and never come back. That he couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore. But Alex is done walking away and he’s putting his money where his mouth is.

It's dark in his head. The chaos and entropy doesn’t shut down any more. Ever. And he hates it. The guitar helped for 5minutes. Maria for 10. But both of them left him, and now he’s alone. All alone, the way he should be. He’s the entropy, he’s the chaos, he’s the fucking reason his mother is dead, the reason Max is dead, the reason Isobel works harder and harder and harder to get Max back. But they can’t. It’s been months and they are nowhere close.

Liz can’t be around him anymore because he’s given up. Rosa never liked him so she’s out anyway. Kyle has always been a no. He pushed Alex so far away by not showing up and going to Maria that he knows he can never fix it. Isobel is too busy for him and he understands that. He doesn’t even have the Pony anymore, because that is Maria’s space and he knows he’s not welcome right now. It’s all his fault, all of it.

All he has now is the acetone. The booze. A panel of a spaceship that there is no use in fixing since Antar is war torn and destroyed anyway. Everything he ever had; any glimmer of hope is gone.

He drinks in front of his trailer now. Sometimes in the caves next to their pods. Sometimes at Saturn’s Rings. He always mixes enough booze and acetone to pass out. But he always wakes up in the trailer when he does. Unless he goes home with someone before he passes out but he’s usually too drunk and too far gone for that.

He rages out with his telekinesis and destroys everything in his Airstream. But he wakes up to it clean and tidy, his fridge full of food, a fresh bottle of water on the floor next to his bed. He doesn’t know why Isobel keeps looking out for him when she’s busy with Max, but he never tells her to stop. Maybe it feels good to know that someone cares for him. Not that he deserves it. But somewhere in the deep dark abyss that is his mind now a days he knows that he needs it.

Sanders never calls and fires him either, even if he knows that he hasn’t really been doing his job for months. He tries, but not even engines and fixing things help. It just makes him lose control even further and makes him dive for the acetone bottle. Healthy coping is overrated anyway.

He hates everything his life is. All the aches and pain intensifying in his head, making it feel like the entropy is crushing his spirit. And maybe it is. Maybe it’s crushing everything he is. He knows he hasn’t been halfway sober in a couple of months at least. Maybe he should be scared of that but the only thing he feels is relief. Like he needs it so he can forget about the trauma. Forget about the good things in his life that he doesn’t deserve anymore or broke apart in his rage and sadness.

So when Isobel drives into the junkyard about three months after Max dies he’s surprised. He’s not anywhere close to sober, but he’s not anywhere near drunk enough to black out either. That is what drinking steadily does to you, you need just that much more to go under.

“You still on the bender then?” She asks as she walks up to where he is sitting in front of the Airstream. He just looks at her and takes another sip of the bourbon bottle in his hand.

“It’s been three months you know, maybe it’s time you get your head out of your ass and realize you have a problem.” The anger in her voice washes over him but he’s too lost to care. So he just drinks more, his mind is churning and he needs it to stop.

“Michael! I need you! Max needs you! Doesn’t that mean anything?!” She’s shouting now, the anger backed by a psychic lash that digs into his brain. Too bad his brain is filled with too much chaos anyway.

“Fine. I don’t know how the hell you’ve survived these three months but come talk to me when you’re not broken. I need my brother, Michael,” she says, before she turns and gets into her car. And of course she needs Max, she always did. No one needs him, he’s not worth it. And it only makes the spiral deeper.

-----------

It’s a couple days later when he’s trying to do some work that her words finally penetrate his mind. It makes him freeze, because if Isobel doesn’t know how he’s been surviving then who is helping him out? If she didn’t get him home and into bed at night, if she didn’t keep his Airstream and clothes clean, if she didn’t put food in his fridge. Then who is?

There’s no way it’s Maria, she told him in no uncertain terms that she was done, that she couldn’t handle whatever trauma he had going on. Not that he blames her, he hurt her pretty bad too when his easy didn’t turn out quite so easy.

It can’t be Liz or Rosa, both of them are too busy with making Rosa being alive seem plausible and trying to find a way to bring Max back. The guilt of not helping them threatens to overcome him every day but he know’s he wouldn’t be much help anyway.

It’s not Kyle. Valenti wouldn’t do that, even if his motto is Do No Harm. And besides he has a newly resurrected sister to get to know.

That leaves only one person. The person he might have hurt most of all. The person Michael told to leave and never come back. The person he told that he couldn’t stand the sight of him anymore. That seeing Alex was like looking at Jesse Manes, at the death and destruction brought to him by the Manes family. That their cosmic connection didn’t mean shit and that he was done loving Alex.

He hasn’t let himself think about that moment for three months. Hasn’t let himself think about the tears that ran down Alex’s cheeks, about how he held himself as if he was a tiny, hurt child. About the devastation and heartbreak he could see in his eyes. About how Alex tried to reach out and he pushed him away with his powers. Not enough to hurt him, but enough to firmly get his point across. About how he looked away and walked away from Alex for once.

He knows deep down he regrets it. He told Isobel that he loved Alex and that he probably always would. It’s still true, he loves him with his entire heart. Which is why he broke it. So he could forget.

-----------

He doesn’t drink as much that night. He needs to know for sure. He still drinks more than enough, enough to fall asleep in the lawn chair he’s sitting in. But not enough that he will stay sleeping through whatever happens.

And a fair few hours after he’s fallen asleep, he wakes up as someone hauls him up from the chair he’s been sitting on.

“Come on Michael, help me out a little,” he hears Alex say as he slowly maneuvers them to the Airstream and up the stairs. He makes soft mumbling noises as he drags Michael into the trailer and deposits him on the bed, helping him out of his jeans and shirt before tucking him into bed. Michael cracks his eyes open as he walks away from the bed and watches him tidy up the tiny bit of mess Michael has made during the day. He watches Alex check the fridge, nod to himself as if he’s happy at what he’s found and take out a water bottle. He closes his eyes again as Alex turns towards the bed and listens as he walks over and puts the bottle of water next to the bed. He has to hold himself back from reacting when he feels Alex run his fingers through his hair.

“I wish you didn’t do this to yourself. I wish you would let me help. I love you, Michael” Alex whispers, before he feels the cool pressure of lips against his forehead. 30 seconds later Alex is out the door and his car is driving away. And Michael falls into a pitiful sleep, the entropy in his head renewed with how Alex can care for him with everything he has done and said to the man.

-----------

It takes him another two weeks to decide how to handle this. Two weeks of him drinking just enough to fall asleep, but not enough to not wake up when Alex inevitably comes for him. And it’s the same thing every night. Alex gets him into bed, Alex tidies the Airstream and refills the fridge if he has too. He leaves a bottle of water, runs his fingers through his hair and tells him he loves him. It’s enough to make Michael remember that he is loved. The trauma is nowhere near dealt with, but he starts working a bit more to start feeling some semblance of normality. He drinks a little less so he can appreciate what Alex does for him. He calls Isobel to tell her he’s slowly seeing the light, and she cries in his ear and tells him she loves him and that she is glad her brother is coming back to her, even if it is slowly.

That night, he pretends to sleep in his chair when Alex arrives. But as soon as Alex walks over to him to help him into bed, he opens his eyes and looks directly at Alex. He’s not sober now either, but it is the least he’s had to drink since Max died.

“Hi,” he says as he watches Alex freeze like a deer in headlights. Fear enters his eyes for a moment, but it quickly replaced by resignation.

“How long have you known?” Alex asks, his voice low and sad.

“Two weeks.” Alex exhales loudly, doing that thing where he breathes slowly through pursed lips. He knows it’s a PTSD coping mechanism.

“I’m sorry. I know you told me to stay away”

“Are you? Really?” he asks, watching Alex with as open an expression on his face as he can manage. Alex shifts his weight on his good leg and nods. Carrying around a drunk, grown man can’t be easy on his leg.

“Then why did you do it? Why take care of me when I spoke to you like that?”

Alex exhales again, and swallows loudly. “I told you I was done walking away. Even if you won’t want me around, I need to own up to that. And whichever way I can help, I will.”

Michael just looks at him. He has so much to deal with, so much hurt to heal. He’s not ready for anything close to what he knows Alex wants. To what he knows deep down that he wants too.

“I’m broken, Alex. The entropy never shuts down anymore. The chaos doesn’t stop. Right now I can’t be more than that. I need to be just me so I can deal with it” he says, broken and battered as he is. But still something in him is thankful that he has someone like Alex in his life.

“I can wait. It’s my turn to wait. Just let me help you” Alex replies. There’s nothing like hope in his eyes, but Michael can still feel the tiny spark of hope in him. Like he wants to be there for Michael in any way he can. And if that doesn’t say something about the man Alex is, then what would.

“I can’t promise a happy ending.”

“I don’t care. I just want an ending”

Michael nods, his lips quirking up slightly at the relief that enters Alex’s posture. He’s going to be broken for a long time still. Even if he can feel his heart mending just slightly. Like it wants to be whole again. And some day, maybe he’ll be ready to want that too.

#malex fic #my fic #alex manes #michael guerin #roswell new mexico #marlo my love #thank you for letting me play with your ideas #alexmanesweek2019 #at least this speaks to alex's character #so it's within the week

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criminalhotch · 5 years

Note

Ok so slemthing came to my mind idk why but I like the idea of the guy ( in this case gray bc hes my daddy’s SKSSKSK) to cheat on the girl and then they make up and so the devils tango bc that shits so hot To me lol?

I’m making this breakup sex SORRY NOT SORRY

A/N: I seriously don’t EVER see Grayson (or Ethan) ever cheating on someone but I really like angst so I wrote this and I really like it so I hope you guys do too. Don’t be like Grayson in this fic. Cheating is hella shitty, please don’t EVER do that to someone.

Grayson’s POV

I walk into the house. It’s dark and Y/N is asleep. I toss my shirt off and wiggle out of my pants leaving me in my boxers. I quickly change them and throw it all in the hamper in hopes she doesn’t notice anything. “Hi, Gray where were you? I missed you” she asked softly. “Out with E” I lied. No, I was out being unfaithful and fucking some girl who means nothing to me because I couldn’t fucking control myself and now I hate myself for it. “Did you guys have fun?” she asked. “Yes but go back to sleep, babe. I’ll get in bed in a minute” I told her. “Ok, Gray. I love you” she said sleepily. “I love you too, sweet girl” I sighed. I had to tell her in the morning. I can’t live like this. I can’t hide this from her.

It’s the next morning, Y/N is not in bed and the laundry hamper is missing. Fuck. I go searching through the house as I make my way to the laundry room. I find Y/N on the floor with my clothes and my phone. “Y/N” I whispered. “Do I not make you happy Grayson?” she asked. God, I’m such a shit person. “God, no. You make me the happiest guy in the world, Y/N” I said. “You’re lying. You’re lying because you wouldn’t have slept with whoever this bitch is” she said. “This isn’t your fault it’s mine. I’m such a piece of shit, Y/N. I’m so sorry. Please believe me when I tell you that I love you and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” I said as a tear rolled down my face. “No, Grayson!” she shouted. “You don’t get to fucking cry, only me. You cheated on me! On me! When all I’ve ever done is love and support you. You made the decision to be unfaithful. You built your bed and now you have to lay in it. You don’t get to cry because you hurt me, Grayson, it’s the other way around” she yelled. She was right. I chose this. I shouldn’t be crying. “Y/N, I’m sorry,” I said. “You’re sorry you got caught Grayson,” she said as she pushed past me in the doorway. I followed her back to our room. She had grabbed her suitcase and was throwing stuff in it. “Where are you going?” I sniffled. “Anywhere but here” she answered. “Y/N, can we talk about this? I was going to tell you this morning. I really, truly was” I admitted. “Were you really?” she seethed. “I promise you. Last night when I came home and you told me you loved me. My heart broke. I slept like shit and you must have woke up at a time that I finally fell asleep. I was going to get up and sit you down then tell you first thing this morning” I explained. “Are you seriously telling me the truth?” she asked. “I seriously couldn’t lie to you right now,” I said. “Fine then tell me about her” Y/N deadpanned. “No” I scoffed. “Tell me now or I walk out and never look back, Grayson” she threatened. “Y/N, please don’t do this” I sighed. “If you don’t tell me in the next 10 seconds, Grayson. I swear” she said. “What do you want to know?” I asked. “Is she pretty?” Y/N asked. “Not as pretty as you” I answered. “Not the question” Y/N deadpanned. “She’s pretty but not like super gorgeous or anything” I admitted. “Mhmm, did she make you cum?” she asked. “Yeah” I said blankly. “Better than I do?” she asked. “No, not even close” I answered truthfully. “Did she kiss you? Suck your dick?” she asked. “We kissed like once and I made her stop but yes she sucked my dick” I answered her questions. “Why’d you make her stop?” she asked. “I don’t know. Guess it didn’t feel right” I replied. “So your subconscious knew you were fucking your life and my life up?” she answered. “Do you want to know anything else?” I asked wanting this to end sooner rather than later. “Did you eat her out?” “No” “Did you wear a condom” “Yes, Y/N” “Did you enjoy it?” “I thought I did but the more I think about it, I don’t. I hate that happened and I hate myself” I admitted. “Do you truly feel bad that you fucked her?” she asked. “I’ve never regretted anything more in my life, baby girl and I hope you believe me” I sighed and she nodded. “Are you staying?” I asked. “No, I just wanted you to answer those questions” she admitted. “Y/N, please. I’ll tell you whatever you want if you just don’t leave” I begged. “I can’t be here Grayson,” she said as she headed towards the door. “I really fucked up, didn’t I,” I thought as I watched her car exit the driveway for what could be the final time.

Two days later there’s a knock at the door. I slowly make my way to the door. I open it to see Y/N. “I came to get the rest of my stuff,” she said softly. “You have a key” I said. “I didn’t want to use it, didn’t feel right” she admitted. “You don’t have to leave, Y/N,” I said. “I can’t trust you, Gray. Maybe one day we can work it out but right now I can’t trust you. You broke me” she said. “I never wanted to hurt you and I’m so sorry I did,” I said. “I know you never wanted to hurt me and I’m sorry you did too” she agreed. “Can I at least help you pack?” I asked. “I guess,” she said.

We began getting the rest of her clothes and sorting what was hers and what was really mine. She found a shirt of mine that I always let her wear. I hadn’t worn it in months. “You can keep it,” I said as I caught her staring at it, tears filling her eyes. “I wore this the first time I ever stayed over” she whispered. “Yeah, you did” I smiled at the memory. “It’s your favorite sleep shirt so you can keep it if you want to,” I said again. “It’s your shirt, Gray,” she said. “It’s more yours now than it ever was mine” I argued. “I can’t” she whispered as a single tear streamed down her face. “Hey, why don’t we go have a water break and calm down?” I suggested and she nodded. We walked into the kitchen. I made us both glasses of water then handed her one. “Thanks, ba-I mean Gray” she corrected herself. “You don’t have to torture yourself like this,” I said. “It’s torture, either way, Grayson. I thought we were going to get married and have kids one day” she admitted. “We still can Y/N,” I said. “How will I know you won’t do it again?” she asked. “Because watching you hurt like this absolutely destroys me Y/N. I rather fight a lion than ever watch you cry because of me ever again” I told her. She grabbed my face in her hands and slammed her lips against mine. “I need you, Gray. Please” she whimpered. “Y/N, are you sure?” I asked. “Grayson, please. You owe me this” she begged. I couldn’t tell her no, could I?

I kissed her again passionately. “Jump, baby girl,” I said and she did as told. Her legs wrapping around my waist and my lips reconnecting with hers. I made our way back to my room. I dropped her softly onto the bed. I pulled her leggings down her legs and took my own shirt off. “I’m going to miss you,” she said. “Don’t” I whispered reuniting her lips with mine once more because who knows if I’ll ever be able to do it again. I released her lips to shimmy my pants down my legs and take her bra and top off. “Your body never fails to amaze me. It’s absolutely gorgeous and never let anyone convince you otherwise” I said as I started kissing her chest, in between her breasts, down her tummy, just above her panties. I pulled her soft pink panties down her legs. “Always so wet and sweet for me, huh baby?” I asked. “Only for you Gray” she admitted. I went back up to her lips. I kissed her once more before wrapping my lips around her nipple and sucking softly. Her hand immediately found it’s way to my hair. “Mmm, yes. Just like that, I love when you do that, baby” she cried out. The more I heard her moan and enjoy what was happening the more I hoped she would stay after all. I brought my hand to her free breast rubbing her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. “Oh, Gray” she whimpered. “Feel good, princess?” I asked. “So good” she agreed. After a few more moments she spoke up again. “Gray” she said. “Yes, darling?” I asked. “I need you, please” she whined desperately. “Ok, baby. I’ll give you what you want in just a second” I said. “No, now” she demanded. “Alright, alright,” I said reaching down to rid me of my boxers. “Fuck, I’m going to miss your cock” she whined. “You don’t have to do this y’know. This doesn’t have to be the end” I said. “Gray, don’t do this” she sighed. “Are you sure about this?” I asked. “Yes, Gray. I’m sure now please” she groaned. “Ok, ok, ok” I chided. I slowly guided myself into her, both of us sighing in pleasure. “Always so warm and tight for me, like you were made just for me” I sighed. “Oh, Gray” she moaned. My motions were slow and deep. I was going to love her like I’d never loved her before. “Go faster. Gray” she begged. “No, I’m loving you. I should’ve done this more when you were still mine” I said as I lowered my forehead to hers. My thrusts were slow and deep, they were passionate and full of lust. I was so lost in the moment I never felt her hands make their way to my face. Her eyes staring up into mine. Her eyes were searching mine deep down trying to find answers. Her thumbs sailed softly over my cheeks. “You’re not a bad person, Grayson,” she said. “Yes, I am. I hurt the person I love most in the world” I said. “You made a bad choice that doesn’t make you a bad person,” she said. “Don’t” I said and she nodded then looked away. I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. “I love you so much” I groaned as I started thrusting just a little bit harder and a little bit deeper. “I love you too, Gray,” she said. “Don’t say things you don’t mean?” I said. “I do mean it, stop for a second and get on your back” she instructed. “No this is about you,” I said. “Ok, and I want you on your back now do it” she ordered and I did as told. I laid on my back as she climbed on top of me. She slowly slid herself down on me until she bottomed out. “Fuck you feel so good” I groaned. “Shh, just enjoy it,” she said as she began bouncing up and down on my dick. “Fuck, Y/N. Just like that, baby girl” I groaned. “Ugh you fill me up so well Grayson” she groaned on top of me. “I’m close babe,” I told her. “Me too” she replied. She bounced up and down a couple more times then grinded herself down on me making my hit her g-spot just right. “Fuck, Y/N. I can’t I’m-” I started but she interrupted me. “It’s ok, Gray. Cum, baby. Cum for me, please. I need you to cum” she begged. “Fuck, Y/N. Mhmm, yes baby just like that” I moaned as I hit my high. My cum filling her up. “Fuck yes, baby” she groaned as she hit her own peak on top of me. She laid down on my chest but she never removed me from her. “Can we stay like this for a moment?” she asked. “We can stay like this for as long as you want,” I said and she nodded.

After a few moments, she got off of me. “Stay, Y/N, please. This can’t be the end” I said. “I’ll stay for a little bit, Grayson but I’m leaving. I can’t do this to myself, it’s not fair” she said and I nodded. At this point, I’ll take whatever I could get. She crawled into bed and cuddled into my side. Before I knew it I had fallen asleep in the comfort of her arms. The comfort quickly turned into sadness when I woke up alone in my bed. I look over to my bedside table where there was a note.

I’m sorry, I left while you were asleep, Gray but I knew I couldn’t see your face when I left. I love you so much Grayson Bailey. Give me some space and maybe one day we can work on this but for right now, I need to just be on my own so I can think.

Love, Y/N

#ethan dolan #grayson dolan #dolan twins #the dolan twins #ethan dolan blurbs #grayson dolan blurbs #ethan dolan smut #grayson dolan smut #ethan dolan imagine #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins blurbs #the dolan twins burbs #the dolan twins smut #dolan twins smut #the dolan twins imagine #dolan twins imagine #grayson and ethan #ethan and grayson

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snorlaxlovesme · 4 years

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i guess i should write down some final thoughts before i dive into the tag and mold my opinions to look like the rest of the fandom’s:

it took a LONG time for the book to pick up speed, imo. and i know a lot of it has to do with me comparing it to The Raven Cycle, which isn’t totally fair, but it’s gonna happen regardless. but it took a long time for the different POVs to finally converge and an even LONGER time for me to even understand the purpose of some of the POVs?? which could just be me being DUMB but still

i was just trying to mentally calculate how many POVs there were in TRC and while my tally is telling a lot it never felt like too many, and i think that’s the biggest thing that bothered me. cdth felt like too many POVs for me to keep track of/to care about and that’s what was frustrating me while reading it and making me take more time than i usually would to finish a book of that size.

maybe it also had to do with me not understanding the purpose of the Liliana chapters for so long. even after FINALLY getting that we were being shown the destructiveness of Visionaries turned outward + the age shifting conundrum they experienced + Liliana’s love for children i still feel like there had to have been a tighter way to prove that that didn’t involve giving me so much depth to tertiary characters who were going to die anyway

ESPECIALLY because maggie put so much care into making up backstories and quirks to Liliana victims but then just kind of casually mentioned people who were incredibly important to Ronan’s character development in the last series. like every time i got a TRC easter egg i was ridiculously pleased but also upset for people who hadn’t read that series and were starting with Hawk bc people like Gansey/Henry/Blue, Mr. Gray, Greenmantle, Cabeswater, Kavinsky, and Opal were condensed into one or two paragraphs of explanation while fucking Dabney Pitts gets three pages about his lack of courageousness. it was mindboggling

plus i just feel like climax of the book didn’t prove to be as exciting as i had hoped. it wasn’t a gun on gansey or adam parrish making a deal with cabeswater or a fire dragon-level threat in my mind. i didn’t think matthew was going to be killed bc that would dash ronan’s motivations for the next two books. i didn’t have much emotional investment in Hennessy’s other copies so their loss didn’t really sting. and battling the Lace just didn’t really take all that long, i guess. if it had been a harder fight maybe i would have been more invested? it just felt stunted for all that build-up (even though i know its not permanently defeated). just with the terrifying Adam scream and Hennessy’s absolute fear of it i wanted there to be more of a struggle to keep it at bay.

and this is yet another book in maggie stiefvater’s arsenal that doesn’t come with falling action/a resolution. this one’s a little different bc the climax led straight into a cliffhanger but i have to bring it up bc it’s something about her style that’s always peeved me

and now the good things, shall we?

everything about declan’s perspective is fantastic. i loved how maggie drove it home that his boringness/invisibilty was calculated, that he was as precisely plain as he needed to be to go unnoticed, and that his paranoia was an armor that kept his brothers safe. it’s going to make the next book SO interesting, to see declan unravel bc his camouflaged safety net has been incinerated

matthew finally learning he’s a dream is as heartbreaking as it is exciting bc i’ve been WAITING for this boy to get a personality other than “loveable” and i might actually SEE it now. also Matthew finally acknowledging that ronan is a dreamer is fun bc in literally ALL of TRC he was like...goofily listening to his headphones whenever that was being discussed. i want a matthew lynch who’s present in his own life and present in the plot. so that bit was cool and i hope it continues to be cool later on in the series

ronan lynch being a BADASS EXPERT DREAMER was so so fun?? especially when the first quarter of the book was ronan bleeding black from his orifices and bringing back murder crabs to his boyfriend’s dorm room and getting kicked out of Harvard for 2kforever. compare that to the end of the book where ronan is a king in his Lindenmere is a thing to behold. i loved ronan being able to show off his dreaming prowess to hennessy and prove just how hard he worked in the entire last series to become the dreamer he is today. he tends to flounder a lot in his own head but dreaming is a thing he’s GOOD at. he’s the fucking Greywaren after all

the complexity of Jordan’s identity crisis was really cool. i loved the concept of her choosing not to paint an original until she got to live an original life. i loved her choosing not to get Hennessy’s newest tattoo. i loved that she was seeing Declan as herself rather than as Hennessy. i HATED declan finding out he was learning to love another dream.

Hennessy’s POV was hard for me to get into bc the second i learned about her timers she just made me SAD and so, so tired. like i felt like i was dragging myself through her perspective the way she was dragging herself through her life and it was exhausting. i hope in the next book she learns more about safe dreaming so i can see what her personality is like without constant fatigue attached to it

and carmen farooq-lane’s perspective was....well. annoying. she seems like a fine person and by the end i was truly starting to enjoy her character but knowing that she was on the antag side of the book (me classifying that as anyone not on the brothers Lynch side of things) made me not thrilled to read about her and Parsifal. her POV always managed to show up right in the middle of something good and turn interesting, actual plot into inaction once again when she continues to bitch about Parsifal being annoying. any time her POV came up i felt like i was ready to stop reading now. so, here’s to her being more interesting in book 2 bc i feel like on my rereads of this book I’m likely to begin skipping her POV like i do Barrington Whelk’s

and who knows how i feel about Bryde?? i enjoyed all of his philosophical monologues, and i give him props for making ronan go find hennessy and finally make the book something i want to read, but like. he’s a bad guy?? flying off on his little ufo with his dreamers to do bad things?? so who knows. the worst kind of villains are ones who start off kind, so that’s as exciting as it is awful

and i’ve already mentioned Liliana so i think that about covers it, for now. book 1 was like a solid 5.5 for me, which was lower than i expected but i plan on rereading it a bunch and will probably like it more with time. i’m someone who legitimately hated The Dream Thieves for a very long time, so opinions are bound to change

#cdth #cdth spoilers #call down the hawk #dreamer trilogy

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bidickgrayson · 6 years

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trials of apollo remains my fave. MAJOR spoilers under the cut for the burning maze

every time i read listen to the trials of apollo, i always feel compelled to make a post like this, just talking about all the things i love and appreciate about the series

as always, the narrator of this series on audible is so next level good, i’m constantly amazed at how great his performance is

i’ve been thinking about how much i love apollo the character, how he’s, imo, a genuinely really strong character who is capable of both making me tear up and also making me laugh out loud. the balance rr found in writing his character in this series is *chef’s kiss* perfection

i really appreciate when he does come across as the thousands-years-old former god he is, with all the experience that comes with. obviously, a big part of his schtick is that he’s silly and dramatic and over-the-top and narcisstic, but the moments when he’s serious or shows genuine concern for his friends are some of my faves. like when he had that great scene with piper talking about how she can find herself. oh, and of course, him talking with jason. and any serious talk that he and meg have. idk, apollo is in a strange position of, obviously, being technically now a teenager, but also have a very experienced and caring adult figure to the actual kids in his life. i LOVE any scene that features serious and sincere apollo

apollo’s character development is just so good and so consistent and i’d actually die for him. i’ve come to love him more with each book

i always love the scenes where apollo is forced to reconsider what positions the gods are in. like when meg wants apollo to answer why her mother was never around, and never helped, and apollo considers the various reasons, like, she was just too busy, or just forgot, etc., and realizes that they’re seriously dissatisfying answers. and later, when meg is like, being a hero means making personal sacrifices, and apollo thinks about how he had never thought of heroes that way

piper is so good in this book!!! i never really connected with her in the heroes of olympus, but i feel like riordan learned a lot in how to write her. i loved how much focus there was on HER, away from her relationship with jason!! so much of her trying to figure out who she was, and the thing where she was trying to reconnect with her cherokee heritage was really satisfying

i was kind of wondering how much fandom was freaking out about jason and piper breaking up, but GOD i was so glad they did, for so many reasons, not least that i think it was an interesting and sympathetic conflict, and that i’m glad her and jason remained really good friends, even if they weren’t sure how to be around each other at the moment. one of my problems with heroes of olympus was the couples, and it always bothered me that piper and jason’s relationship started as a lie and continued to be manipulated by the gods. the fact that that was actually addressed in the book multiple times?? realistic couple problems?? so good. and man, i LOVE piper

and to address the elephant in the room.....................jason’s death was absolutely BRUTAL, and would have been absolutely shocking to me if i hadn’t seen a spoiler on twitter.

seriously. the details of jason’s death was brutal, and i don’t think there’s anything in the riordan series i’ve read that really compares. people have died, of course, but never so explicitly, never with so much attention to the details, so much focus on the grief of everyone around it, and CERTAINLY never to a MAIN CHARACTER holy shit. like. jason was a main, pov character, and i kind of can’t BELIEVE that he’s actually dead, because i never expected this series to actually go there

(just keep remember the line about the emperor dude stabbing jason again in the back while jason was face down, ruining apollo’s hopes that he would be okay)

and like.....i’m not the kind of person who actively wishes for character death or angst but. also. in a way, from a story telling perspective, i’m glad jason died, for a couple of reasons. like, one, it raised the stakes DRAMATICALLY, made everything matter SO MUCH MORE than if it had just been side characters like the dryads who were dying off screen. like, wow. i was honestly stunned, listening to the scenes after jason’s death, where meg and piper are desperately trying to find a way around it, refusing to accept it, them going to piper’s old place and piper’s dad finding them crying on the beach. GOD. another reason why i liked it was how good the scenes were following jason’s death.

like. the image that made me start crying again was when piper’s dad found them, and piper’s face is explicitly WRECKED, and jason’s DEAD, and what he says is, a surfing accident?? like, that wrecked ME, because jason and piper had just gone on a terribly dangerous mission to try and save the world (again!!), basically, only for jason to be brutally murdered by an ancient roman emperor, and all most people will think is that there was a terrible surfing accident. like. we’ve been told this whole time, that demigods’ lives sucked and weren’t very happy and were generally quite tragic, but tbh, it’s never felt this real, this heartbreaking to me.

loved apollo in the scenes following jason’s death. how obviously heartbroken and devastated he was, but how...logical he was in the face of piper’s denial, the heartbroken voice of reason. “jason’s dead. we can’t bring him back. even if i was a god, i couldn’t bring him back. jason’s dead. jason’s dead. you and jason both worked to fix death. you know that he wouldn’t want you breaking it to bring him back”. it was narratively satisfying, in an obviously heartbreaking way, all the many ways they wanted jason to be all right, for him to have escaped death, and all the ways it was crushingly confirmed that he was not. it felt kind of like the readers were being told explicitly that it wasn’t possible for jason to come back--they found his broken, obviously dead body. the emperor ran him through not once, but twice, and his body was riddled with arrows. they couldn’t trick some way out of death, bc there weren’t any feasible options, and hades would never allow it

piper angrily blaming apollo and the gods for jason’s fate, and demanding apollo leave? so satisfying. piper saying that he wasn’t supposed to die like this, after everything he had done, everything they had done? apollo reminding her that he had died saving his friends, and that that seemed like a good way to die? god

i keep thinking about the heartbreak of all the people who loved jason. like, fucking leo, who never got to see jason again. god. and of course, all of others in the seven, and nico, and reyna, and thalia :((((

a detail that made me cry (again): when apollo mentioned jason having died in his school uniform, and wondering about his school dorm room, and what they would think became of him. just details that drove home that jason was just a kid, who was living his life, and died because of the gd gods

i’ve gotten really sidetracked, and i have more to talk about, as always, but i think this is enough for now

i will say: i will feel very silly if somehow jason DOES come back in the end, but i think that would go against a big part of the book and would be pretty disappointing. and i gotta figure/hope that riordan learned his lesson from how...bad, imo, leo’s “death” and build up was

i also wonder what fandom’s reaction to this is like, because wow, that’s a pretty significant event. like, i expect/know people will be heartbroken, but i wonder how many people are actually angry at this choice, for example. i was never really emotionally invested in jason, no matter how i tried and no matter how i logically really liked him. it would be a lot harder for me to be so....positive, about his death, if i were more emotionally invested in him in the first place

#talking to myself #katherine reads toa #still need to find out what happens in the final 2 and a half hours of the book!

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years

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EPISODE ONE

“its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle” - aria

HOH: Jev UPSIDE DOWN: Jacob & Gina NOMINEES: Kiki & Nash POV: Nash FINAL NOMINEES: Kiki & Mo EVICTED: Mo (14-1)

PRESEASON CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEdLzVoyttU&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=2&t=0s

JOEY

WOO holy shit this cast is filled with such insane personalities, and I cannot WAIT to play this game!

NASH

tell me why i'm already nervous

NASH

waits patiently for mo to pick another damn person to infect

GINA

skghkdgljhgdlj BRAIN HURTY,, sm people to talk to and everyone is so so nice! just glad I'm not winning hoh

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bwCxQGRhk

alternative title: im very mean for 20 minutes

KIKI

so far the cast seems very sweet! a little quiet so far but otherwise im really enjoying talking to them!! and i think the twist is a cool idea but could be dangerous.... maybe a little too easy to expose alliances

GINA

I really like this cast! I'm actually really good friends with Aria (but we keeping that a secret) and I recognize Joshua from other orgs! Also, this twist seems super fun!

ARIA

okay,,,,okay,,,ok,,,k my brain is struggling to complie everything ive learned today i am STRUGGLING!!!!

So!! Lets make a tier list

We're working together (didnt even need to discuss)

-Nathan

-Jacob

-Gina

Asked to work together

-Joey

-Joshua

Implied we're working togther but lower tier

-Jev

-Josh C

-Monty

Super Sweet & Nice

-Bri

-Kiki

-Dem

-Mo

Sweet but i want a response

-Nick

-Emma

_saira

-jake

-Nash

So thats what i've gathered for today mostly, Jacob-Joey-Jev-Joshua all seem to really want to work close with me and we've talked a bit of game ( ITS ALL THE Js HELP) and seem super open while the girls seem more closed off as of now, kinda worried gina isnt gonna be active enough but idk, oh also everyone is noticing bri is CHAOS and that nick is talkative/assertive. more to update in a bit but heres a trust ranking for night one, one more thing jev said he doesnt like nathan or nick :OO and someone else mentioned nick being overbearing

1.Gina (i love her to the moon and back)

2. Nathan( the charisma SNAPPED this game go off sir!!)

3. Josh C (they're also charismatic but they're hecking hilarious and our view are pretty similar)

4.Jev (they cared about me!! and im nice to them and this is just really wholesome)

5.Jacob (LOVE him but we havent talked enough beyond "we're winning this game")

6.Joshua (super fun to talk to, same og community king)

7.Bri (they wont keep info to themselves but shes SO sweet pls take my heart)

8. Joey (hes kinda sketching me out tbh but also he wants to work with me so)

9.Nick (they wouldnt put me up and thats all i could ask for)

10.Monty (PLEASE trust me i need ur braincells)

12.Kiki (sHES SO SWEET AND GOOD AT ART ADORE HER)

13.Mo (existential dread buddies <3)

14.Dem(approached game w/ me,,,but on the first message so might be doing that w/ everyone)

15.Nash (kate protection gang!!!)

16.Saira (we loVE DOGS! and thats it)

17.Emma (feel better soon,,,then pls talk to me k thanks)

18.Aria (dont trust anyone,,,not even yourself)

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykD4dZjsDl0

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/odNZXz-jNtw

If alliances have been made already, I am gonna have some QUALMS... This cast is very cute, I love meeting new people, let's see we have

Aria - an ANGEL we've been talking about SIX the musical and slime tutorials

Brianna - The first person to recognize me using a Carole & Tuesday song in any of my videos. I'm v grateful.

Dem - He kinda jokes like a mom...

Emma - I'm friends with Emma outside of the game and she is such a chaotic sweetheart. We been in the house a day and she plays Lois Griffon singing Doja Cat... for what...

Gina - I have not talked with her, I just said hi.

Jacob - Jacob is nice. I think I've yet to have a super positive ORG experience with him tho. So. Yeah.

Can I do the rest tomorrow cus I'm tired and just not in the mood. Okay thank you.

SAIRA

I was a little surprised by the amount of people dming me but they all seemed pretty nice! The twist sounds cool, I'm excited to see how it plays out

JEV

i definitely did NOT expect to win the first hoh but here we are, i have no idea what i'm gonna do but i need sleep so that's tomorrows problem

JOSH C

HELLO! it's your boy josh coming to give you some thoughts on the cast. coming into this game, the only person i know of beforehand is.. JACOB who has managed to snake me in both games we've played together so that's cute. i don't really have a choice but to trust him for now bc that's my only outside connection so we'll see how it goes. he's fun to talk to so i don't really mind but my eyes are PEELED for it going south.

my favorites just from the first night are probably aria, kiki, nathan, and saira. for no REAL reasons other than i just feel like i've had the best conversations with them and they were more fun than the rest of the cast. i'm not sure if those will stay the same but that's HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!!

i've reached out to everyone and heard back from everyone (other than nash.. dunno what that's about so i'll just let it sit there. i don't REALLY mind bc it's good if i win HOH because it's a good reason to throw someone up there). everyone is cute enough, though i think i've connected LEAST with brianna, dem, joey, and monty? just haven't gotten a lot of energy back from them but i'm hoping that was just FIRST NIGHT jitters of people not putting in their full effort into their social game.

i'm going to spend today just chatting with people so i have a base relationship with them and that way if jev goes the route of asking people who they'd him to nominate -- i'm not someone they name simply for not knowing who i am. trying to be a little SOCIAL QUEEN. fun and funky so let's hope it pays off.

for the twist, i'm not really sure how to play this. i don't think the first round is going to have the BEST power hidden in it but it'd be nice to know that i for sure won't be first boot. (though i'm feeling OKAY enough that jev won't kill me bc we've talked at least). i think i'm going to wait a minute before i ask someone to send me in, or someone just sends me in on their own accord. that way people don't look at me for having a secret power bc it'll be really easy to narrow down who has one and that's just such an unnecessary way to get a target on your back. i like the twist, it's just hard to figure out how to play it and maybe i should just wait until someone does it for me or i'm one of the later people to get it so i get safety when there are less people in the house and it'll be harder to survive.

xoxo gossip josh

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/yNBReh_pBPk

NATHAN

He's here, he's queer... and oddly enough starting off by not doing a Video DR; however, I think when making an initial first impression/trust list this method seems to go a little smoother... First off, coming right off of Big Brother Pasio and thrown into this game has made my head hurt more than it should. I forgot how annoying and tiresome the initial conversations are with everybody. With that said, I have begun to kinda pick out a path that may be suitable for me this season. In Pasio, my goal was to lay low, not be seen, and form connections. That strategy is going to be partially active this time around as well. I'm a big personality, and while that's fun and cute, I learned by keeping a low profile in the beginning portion while remaining social it does wonders. I don't need to be a Skinny Nick character and be talking in the house call and house chat at every ounce I get. With that being said, this season is full of Pasio players... some in which I had both good and bad experiences with. However, pushing that aside I really have my eyes set and locked on Aria. I have a feeling that the other Pasio alumni may see her for how she played in Pasio and I do as well, but I want to make sure her and I are on as good as terms as possible. She did NOT like me in Pasio, so rekindling that flame is ultra important. Alongside Aria, I get to play with both Monty and Jacob who I've had rocky relationships with in the past, but have grown to become great friends outside this. Working with them is going to be vital, but keeping them too close is suicide. With that being said, here's my initial trust ranking:

1. Aria

2. Jacob

3. Nash

4. Jev

5. Josh

6. Monty

7. Joey

8. Nick

- - -

END LIST

JOSH C

okay, well nominations just came out and i can't say i'm too surprised that nash got nominated for eviction considering she hasn't responded to me yet and most everyone else is saying the same. i can't really imagine anyone using the veto on her unless she has a complete social turn around in the next 24 hours but that seems like.. a stretch. just gotta hope she doesn't win! we love an easy first week boot!

i'm a little sad about kiki getting nominated because i've really hit it off with them, but i think it's a good way to secure some trust with them and spark off a relationship. i've been trying to already be like YOU GOT THIS, YOU'RE STAYING! NASH DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE! and i think they're being receptive. i like that i can joke around with them, so i'm hoping they enjoy me as much as i enjoy them.

i've also had aria and jake come talk to me about noms which means they trust me and that's GOOD. i want to try to secure something with them soon because i think they're both people that would want to work with me and i know that jake doesn't have a lot of connections already so being an early ally of his would be BIG.

just trying to focus on being a cute little social presence so people don't really focus on targeting me early on. i think this is a game full of half social players and some.. not so exciting people so it'll be easy to just slip through by not being the most boring person around. i don't want to promise TOO many people loyalty just yet but i think building a small core for myself will be important to keep me safe and i'm hoping that can come with jake/aria/kiki/jacob(?)

JAKE

chile............. where the fuck am i?

i dont know what dimension i'm in right now with these people but i am ready to show them what i am made of!! so far i've felt..... on the outs of most of what is going on so im just gonna give my perspective on things so far!!

the cast....... ill just do an assessment

dem: said maybe three words to me since we've started... so there's that

saira: seems like a queen! i def need to talk to her more i've been sleeping on her and i think we'll get along well

joey: girl sometimes idk what this man is saying to me but we're rolling w it..

nash: her "sick" ass hasnt responded to my message from yesterday so bye

joshua: oh he can work! hes fun to talk to and i def see some potential to working with him. hes only 16 so yung so pure i remember those days </3

nathan: hes so hot god i literally want to eat his entire ass but i dont wanna be creepy so im trying to subtly flirt with him SDLKJFSKF he seems to be a sneaky player to me but hopefully thats not the case and we can be a showmance later on hehe

emma: LEGEND. QUEEN! PUT SOME RESPECT ON HER NAMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my ride or die in this thing <3

jev: oh jevfrey my angel im so happy he's here!!! he's a loyal guy from what i remember and ill def be working with him ESPECIALLY now that hes the first hoh ayyyyY!!!! i feel completely safe with him

kiki: oh i LOVE THEMMMM we had a great connection from the jump and i have a soft spot for them for sure. theyre sadly nominated this week i did not know why jev made that decision but i will make sure they stay know THAT

monty: monty left me on read :( we had a kinda awk convo so idk how monty feels about me right now?? i def dont think he trusts me and ugh i hate the tension!!!!!!!! i hope we can resolve it all and be friends again

josh: KDJKFG i love this man... hes not entire truthful and is def playing me a bit but i think he's great and hopefully he doesnt turn out to be the snake i think he has the potential to be

gina: idk what to think of this girl she doesn't reply much to me and we haven't really spoken much for me to really get a good read of her. i infected her and idk if she'll take that a certain way i came to her with the explanation that we just havent talked as much. idk shes fine?

mo: hahhaha hes a cutie too and i think hes not much of a talker so i think hes nice for the most part it's just kinda hard talking to him sometimes

brianna: um....... yeah we haven't spoken yet and she infected me so idk how to feel about her yet. she claims it was this number system but do i fully believe thats what she based it on? not really.. so ill def have to talk to her more

aria: NOW THIS........ THIS IS ELEGANCE. THIS IS CLASS. THIS IS EXPENSIVE. THIS IS TASTE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! this 15 year old girl has me shaking to my god damn core with her social game within a 20 minute conversation ive already devoted my entire game to her and our "attention whores" alliance. iM GAGGGEDDDD i really like her and i know shes a big threat but if shes with me then we can do some damage together hehe

skinny nick: SKINNYYYYY i dont have much to say about nick i think they're well connected in this game so i have to make sure i'm good with them a little more. our convos are a little dry hopefully that'll change as the game goes on

jacob: a sweetie.. i really like jacob as a person but as a player he scares the shit out of me DSLKFGFKJ he lied to me like every round in BBHOS9 so i dont rly know if i can trust him. he def has other friends in this community hes playing with so ill have to sus out who exactly that is...

and......... yeah! kiki and nash are nommed. gina n jacob went to the down under. i think jacob will def get whatever power is down there he is one lucky man so i wouldn't be surprised if it's something good. oh well hopefully when i go i get whatever the best thing is a dpov mayhaps!.......

i hope the next hoh is something i can win because i want these people to TALK TO MEEEE tell me where their heads are at for god's sake! me on day 2: why arent you telling me all your alliances? dFGKLF i feel like im okay just gotta talk to some said people more and try to make sure they dont hate me!

JOSHUA

I thought Jev was nice but I'll have to go back on that because he absolutely is not fooling a single person, I thought we'd be allies but he's been acting sus all day so he can choke on rat piss. Joey and nick literally aren't talking to me at awl so... they can choke and die too. Aria is talking to me a lot but I know she talks to everyone a lot sjdkjds queen of big brother pasio... but I trust her for now I guess. Other than that I'm not super like concerned with anyone else I mean brianna kiki gina mo are nice I guess.. mo is a little hard to talk to though so :( anyway glad to be here but my social is kind of rocky skjdjskdj : ( ( ( ( (

JEV

SKINNY NICK

https://youtu.be/0Kb-twzCkYI

trying to hint to dem that I’m not okay... wonder if it’s working

ARIA

its week one. its week ONE. why is everyone being so cracked i hate it here i absolutely hate it here someone take me out with a sniper rifle im sick of this, but its fine im gonna try to do my best to explain EVERYTHING bc whew is there a lot..

First off lets start with the fact ive been talking with everyone from the moment i woke up and my fingers hurt so much but also now people like me and thats all i need in life so heck yes!! So when it was nash vs kiki i start planting seeds to keep kiki with people and then nash wins veto so thats thrown out the window yayyyy-

Things start happening after jev renoms Mo. First off i get a call with crack kills (joey bri me) and we discuss the vote a little bit with Joey leaning towards keeping Mo and Me/Bri wanting to keep Kiki, joey leaves and me and bri talk about the alliance we were invited to (jacob josh jake kiki us) and then i notice theres a house vc which i then go and join alone.

It was silent for a bit before they mentioned they were talking about votes and were being kinda secretive about names but i asked directly so Mo tells me that dem told him that there was 5 confirmed votes against Mo (nash Jacob Nick Joshua/Jacob(dont remember which) and Josh c) he said the names really fast so i mightve missed a few and nathan interjects about my notes and like??? shut up nathan???? anyways i act all shook about an alliance and we talk about votes and apparently when mo campaigned to bri she just sent "hugs" and im caCKLIGN FDSGFDSH anyways that confirmed 5 votes is gonna make people nervous and cause people to keep Mo which like, im not totally against but i just want a unan vote please. Also i think dem & emma dont really trust me which is big ughhh idk if one of the pregame girlies (any of the names from that list) win hoh next week ill throw one of them utb easy peasy

So then i start asking around to gina and she ghosts me??? gina NEVER ghosts me so im sketched out there and Mo is asking for my help when i already told kiki i would save her its such a messsss. So if i had to guess the sides i would say

PREGAME GIRLIES: Nash Jacob Jake Joshua Josh c kiki

UNCONNECTED NOT PROTECTED: Dem Joey Emma Nathan Mo

Whomst: Saira Jev Monty Nick Gina Bri

Help: Aria

So, where do i go from here? How do i make sure this vote comes out hecking even,,, im not sure. nvm i am sure because Mo just told me they want to give up HFBHJBSDFS MO MY SAVIOR ILL NEVER FORGET YOU KING <<<<3333333 okay nvm hes not fully giving up but im giving him an avenue that would make my life much easier where im telling him to have good convos with people so they connect more and if anyone feels moved theyll come to me and ill get the ball rolling with a easy peasy unan vote hopefully. But i think i might be able to manipulate this situation to my advantage WHEW im hyped now!!

So lets say mo leaves the thought of those "five confirmed votes" is still gonna be in peoples heads mainly dem/joey/emma/nathan which might form into a side and go hard for hoh taking out some big social player and then we have two sides going after each other which would be cute.

I would make trust rankings but i trust no one fbhsafd and thats on pewiod

JAKE

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!! im not the first boot :~) let's celebrate that....

but i'm not too thrilled about these noms...... im happy nash won POV she started talking to me more and shes actually really cool so i wanted her to stay. i am sad kiki is nominated i don't want them to go at all..... and mo being the replacement nominee was a shock to everyone i think.....

i don't have a problem with mo leaving cuz we have a weak connection i just thought dem was going up based on my prior conversations with jev. he says dem started talking to him more but i just wish jev would talk to me and emma about his decisions if we're "aligned"?? like whats the point of having an alliance if we don't have any say in your decisions?

today i woke up to a message from josh asking me what i think about being in an alliance with jacob brianna aria and kiki........ and im just like wtf where this come from and he said that jacob is making it and its just his fave ppl??? im like ok like im not one to turn down an alliance but i let him know that i dont rly trust jacob n brianna as much as the others in the alliance. hopefully this makes him feel close to me and not blab his mouth to jacob ab that!

brianna has yet to speak to me and jacob is just someone im always gonna have a hard time trusting sooo if i have to nominate them down the line i won't hesitate unless this alliance is genuine and helping me in the game.

i really only trust emma so far with aria being my secret spy and big meat shield im gonna need in this game. aria's super well connected and im hoping she'll be able to provide me w the information i need to take bitches down later on.

i think i'd be worried about brianna winning bc we've never talked but at least we have this alliance possibly in the works?? and i dont know if nick would nominate me we haven't talked much..

but i want to win the next hoh so people actually talk to me LOL praying i can win

#bbnetflix st

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upslapmeal · 7 years

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Opinion: Jane The Virgin it's losing it's charm. It let me down after episode 10 and I tried to keep watching but it's disappointing me so far. I just feel is not as funny and smart written as it was and it's just reusing storylines. And I'm still not used to the characters now after the 3-year jump, it feels so hurried.

Ok so I know the point of this ask game thing is just to say whether you agree or disagree but I have way too many thoughts about this to just leave it at that. So. In general I agree, at least to a point. And I’ve literally written over 1000 words as a reply so I’m putting it under a readmore bc….whoops…….

Right to start off, I know something everyone used to complain about the crime plots but that was something I really thought was missing at the start of S3. Those plots were usually good at providing drama that really contrasted with Jane’s life and I’d been looking forward to Michael finally going back to work so we’d get them back. Which obviously didn’t happen, and I know we have Dennis and they’re still part of the plot but it’s different from having one of the main characters directly involved.

Something else that definitely hasn’t helped but isn’t necessarily the show’s fault is that we’ve lost side characters because the actors have become involved in other shows - specifically Luisa, Lina and Rose. This limits the interactions we can see, and means that when they’re on the show they don’t get any meaningful longer storylines because they won’t be around for long. This has been a specific problem for Luisa who seems to appear for an episode or two then get sent off to rehab. Rose was a great villain and that’s something else the show’s been lacking, especially since Mutter’s dead though she was never as compelling as Rose.

I remember back in S1 wondering how long the show would last because it seemed unlikely that they would be able to keep generating such elevated plots and ridiculous twists, and I think that’s just part of the nature of the show unfortunately. In that during S1 (and S2 though less so) all the ~telenovela aspects were new and fresh, but they used up a whole bunch of tropes and plotlines, and also we’ve just got more used to it and better at predicting what will happen. That’s not to say repeated elements don’t always work - the Anezka twist at the end of ch39 completely caught me off guard despite the Roman/Aaron plot in S1. I had thought that Rafael finding out he wasn’t a Solano would be an opening for more telenovela plots, possibly involving the art theft and Italian orphanage, but instead it fed the more grounded emotional plots in that it made Raf want to turn over a new leaf. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and that’s not to say it won’t lead to those plots in the future, but considering that the show seems to be lagging a bit in its telenovela side it does feel like a bit of a missed opportunity.

Which brings us to ch54, Michael’s death, and the time jump. Considering what I’ve said about plots running out it made sense that they needed to shake things up, and Jennie said Michael’s death was the mid-show equivalent to Jane’s insemination in that it was an event that completely turned Jane’s life upside down and changed what she’s imagined her future to be. And it certainly did that but I do think it also did several things that hurt the story. Firstly, it just added to the problem I talked about with the show losing characters and so losing different interactions and relationships to explore. Brett said after the end of S2 that he’d love Michael to have more scenes with Alba and see what the relationship is there, and personally that was a relationship it really hoped we’d get to see, especially after those vows. Losing characters hits harder when they’re part of the main cast. Then we also lost our main connection to the police side of all the telenovela crime drama. And as well as losing a telenovela aspect we also lost many more grounded potential storylines. What’s Michael’s role in bringing Mateo up as he gets older? How do they deal with the difference between Mateo, who’s constantly moving between parents, and JM’s potential future child(ren) who would live with them all the time? Would we get to see Rogelio take Michael, Rafael and Mateo out on an over-the-top Father’s Day bonding adventure? Idk, it just feels like there were so many more potential storylines to mine from that family.

Then there’s the issue of trying to use the death in the same way as the insemination. The problem comes from the fact that they gave the show very different things. The whole show sprung up from Jane’s insemination. The show would not exist without it and the whole show since then has been dealing with the consequences of this event. We got to see the very real and emotional effects, the difficulties it caused and how hard it could be, really letting Gina flex her acting muscles, but it was also a ridiculous telenovela event that could be used as a source of humour and ultimately ended up being one of the best things to happen to Jane. And the problem with using Michael’s death to similarly shake up her life is it only provides the first half of that, the difficult, emotional side. It’s not something that can be joked about or used for fun drama.

And so then we have the time jump. I absolutely understand why they decided to have the jump, if the show had gone straight into the period after his death it would have been too dark for the show, and the jump lets us see the long-term effects. Unfortunately though, they literally killed their protagonist’s husband after they were married for 7 months. They created a situation where the consequences are dark and difficult and heartbreaking. And so while I appreciate that we’re seeing Jane still affected by it after three years, we need to see more of this difficult stuff that the show made for itself. I’ve already rambled a lot about this here so I won’t get into that again but if the show’s going to use this death supposedly to be a mid-show insemination equivalent, it mustn’t shy away from the situation it’s made for itself. And I’m not saying the show isn’t showing Jane’s grief but I don’t think it’s changed enough or doing it in a way that justifies killing him in the first place.

In fact the biggest change to the show that’s come from Michael’s death is the time jump. And honestly, outside Jane’s story I do think it’s done the show good. It’s refreshed a lot of storylines and from a practical pov has made sure they have good kid actors instead of just hoping that Aiden (who played young Mateo) turned out to be a good actor. And you know what? I think the time jump would have been a great thing to happen to show without Michael dying. Because then you haven’t lost one of the pieces in the game, just rearranged them. Rather than carrying the weight of showing Jane moving out of deep grief, the flashbacks would help fill in the gaps better for more characters. Everyone would be in a new place and there wouldn’t be the weird rushed disconnect there is now where the show has gone from an incredibly traumatic event back to near-normality in the space of less than an episode.

I know this all sounds really negative. I do appreciate how the show has decided to tell a story of coming back after having dealt with terrible grief and I don’t want to fully judge how good a job it’s done until the end of the season, and even without quite the same spark as the start it’s a fantastic show. I’ve tried to be as objective as possible with this and look at the show without thinking about personal opinions of characters etc (though I am incredibly bitter and sad about Michael’s death for non-storytelling reasons), and I think that the heightened and balanced nature of the show at the start has made a bit of a fall inevitable. But it’s done a damn good job of trying to keep as close to that place as possible, even if that has included missteps or repeated storylines. I’ve still loved every episode so far, not all as much as each other, but there is yet to be an episode I dislike. And so yes, it has lost a bit of its charm and it’s made decisions I’m disappointed in, but as a whole I still think it’s a clever and important show that I love. And long may that last.

#dude...this is literally as long as the essay I'm meant to be writing right now I have way too many opinions about this show #I've really tried to be as objective as possible for most of this #gonna put it in the tags since I put so much effort into this I hope it makes sense #jane the virgin #jtv #upslapanswer #ramblings #anon

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