there’s actually something so personal about how bc the books are from lucy’s pov it’s very easy to tell how she feels about lockwood vs the show giving us lockwood’s perspective and making it very easy to tell how he feels about lucy

Re: Buck's loft decor - they kind of established that his designer /artist girlfriend (Ali) designed the place or at least had a heavy hand in picking things out.

Yeah I can give credit for most of the furniture to Ali, but that's about it. But thank you for this ask, because it made me go down the rabbit hole, so here are the details of Buck's loft in regards to what Ali had influence on and everything that changed since.

So this is the scene immediately before she broke up with Buck and just around the time Buck moved in. Seemingly the pictures by the door aren't there yet, nor are the baskets and the pictures on the shelf by his bed (see later pics), it's very much the bare minimum, right? Furniture, kitchen appliances, TV, some rugs and blankets.

The next time we see the loft is in season 3 when Eddie comes to help Buck pull himself together. If you look at the shelf you have some baskets and pictures there that are pretty distinctive and were not there when Ali dropped him off. Obviously people will have stuff on their shelves in their homes, that's not my point here. But look at the basket and the little box beside it... Whatever's inside, it sure as hell looks decorative to me.

Then moving onto the covid era. There are pictures by the door, but also a new dining table. (The one that was presumably picked by Ali was round.) The rug in the kitchen seems new too.

As far as I could tell this is the first time we see this plant, but I admit I might be wrong about that, because we don't exactly see this corner when Ali breaks up with Buck.

Then going forward with the other small stuff from later seasons (before and after Taylor moved in).

Look at the plant and the baskets on the dining table (you can see them on most pics actually). Clearly decorative.

And then there's the fruit bowl. Again, not trying to generalise one bit, but how many cishet guys do you know who live alone and have a fruit bowl? (Same guy "who's idea about healthy food is a side salad" apparently.)

I also honestly doubt that the gloves and the apron are coming from Ali either, but I'm willing to write them up to Maddie or Taylor (except these are colours we see Buck wear regularly when off duty).

This one is just for my amusement, because look at all those spices! (Actually I will point back to this in a minute.)

And finally this picture to talk about the cleanliness.

That is a hell of a light coloured kitchen furniture. Do you know how hard it is to keep something like that clean? (Unfortunately I do, from experience.) Especially when you're a guy who regularly cooks and bakes and not just easy meals, but like very elaborate recipes, admittedly even trying them out 3 times before even serving it to anyone.

But this is my main point: This is not a real flat. This is not a real kitchen. This is a set.

The set designers' job is to create a set that corresponds to the story and the characters interacting in it (while you also have someone on set who pays attention to continuity with objects and stuff, but sometimes you still end up with Starbucks cups on a medieval set, whoops), their job also includes adding tear, wear, dirt and grime accordingly to the usage of certain places and objects.

Of course, it's more than possible that they never really thought about it from this angle, they just wanted the set to look warmer when filming scenes in it and having it clean for continuity purposes.

All that being said, within the show this is Buck's place and someone's home tells you a lot about the person. So, regardless of it being intentional in most cases, this loft and the items in it aren't exactly what you'd normally find in a bachelor's pad. (Nor do I think someone could afford a place like that alone in LA, but that's an entirely different topic.)

Honestly, I get really confused when Larries always say H hates being sexualized. If you look at it from an objective point of view, it is very clear that H and his team are using a "sex sells" marketing strategy. He's not uncomfortable being sexualized because that it literally part of their promo plan. Sex attracts attention. Hshq is using sex in their marketing to create an effective and memorable campaign and it's working. He literally advertised the album as being about being sad & sex. 1/2

“He did nude photoshoots. His music videos for lights up and WS obviously rely on the sex angle. If he built his whole image on sex appeal, then why blame harries for sexualizing him? They are doing exactly what hshq wants them to do. Them thirsting over him makes them keep streaming and giving him views. People are hardwired to notice sexually relevant information so it’s smart of his team to use that to their advantage to keep him relevant. Everyone else can see it except for larries. 2/2 + Harry never said he was uncomfortable being sexualized. He doesn’t care because it helps his career and he loves the attention. He said he was uncomfortable thinking about being seen as a sex symbol because it’s a weird thing to think about yourself but he didn't say anything about being sexualized. Anyway, actions speak louder than words, and his PR is all about catering to to people’s sexual fantasies so I think he's more than okay with it”

I’m choosing to answer this because there is.... a lot to unpack here. To start, i’m incredibly sick of seeing people pretending that “sexuality,” and “sex appeal” are the same thing as “sexualization” especially when it refers to hypersexualization. it’s not and it never has been. you can find someone attractive and have that person perform sexuality, at any level, and still not display sexualization of this person. it’s not a complicated concept. there are many facets of harry’s life that has been built to fit a lothario image that does drive off the hyper-sexualization of him as an image and a person, but it goes beyond just his team using it for fan? engagement? the media has perpetuated it as well since he was 16 years old (a child). past “girlfriends” have perpetuated it when their relationships end. talk show hosts like ellen and james corden would consistently push this angle regardless of whether or not they were friends. red carpet reporters have asked these questions directly to his face. past models who have worked with him in any capacity have helped this narrative along by moaning his name and sexualizing him. ben winston has no problem feeding into it. there’s branches that split from the whole that has fed into this goliath image that has been sexualized for ten years of his life.

and you think...... he’s comfortable with that? you think he likes that he can stand next to any woman and be plagued with stories about fucking them? you think he thrives off the fact that every part of who he is and what his body looks like is constantly on parade when tied to this image? you think he doesn’t care that much of the GP and those in the industry think he’s incredibly easy and will sleep with anyone and anything so long as he gives them a smile? you think he thought it was funny when he was visibly uncomfortable having howard stern ask if he wanted to fuck his therapist because she was a woman? you think he enjoys the fact that he has to watch out who he’s around or even nice to because so many have gone to papers or online and fabricated stories about sex or relationships for clout attached to his name? you think it makes him laugh when people talk about his sex life and publications like GQ pushed him to tell them how many people he’s slept with as a 19 yr old? you don’t think he cares that he’s lost a lot of his youth and control of his image due to sexualizing tycoons?

you also confuse me with the points you made about him playing into a hypersexualized image. you use examples that are so highly misconstrued it feels detached in every way. he didn’t do nude photo shoots. he did one photoshoot that featured a nude and the nude was not in any way put on display as an act of sexual fodder. it was sensual. it was fragile. it was soft. it was a piece of art and seeing as how you didn’t see it that way only falls more on you than it does anyone else. you can be nude and do that without inviting in ideas of sexualization. nothing about that photo screams sex appeal. regarding the music videos..... congratulations, you missed the entire point again. the Lights Up music video was meant to depict his experience with fame and sexualization. those pulling at him from all angles represents everyone wanting a piece of him as he just wants to exist. how his career and life since he was 16 was built off never being his own— he’s always been “on display” for everyone else. he not once touched any of the models, and he ended up riding away from it all at the end of the video finally free. even when talking to radio hosts about the video he touched on how personal that song was to him. yet the media and fans alike drew it differently and labeled it a sex orgy lmao. and with WS..... it’s the media that first drew the hyped up sexual energy tied to that song. the blatant headlines about oral sex which then hyped up fans. yes, they used the video to display oral sex but nothing about that video was sexualized in a way that would’ve been expected. the ones that have a right to be upset about the WS video are wlw because of how it could go about sexualizing the WOMEN not harry.

so again, stop pretending like sexuality and sex appeal is anything like sexualization. it isn’t, and just because something or someone portrays him in a “sexy” light doesn’t mean it’s okay or even appropriate to sexualize or objectify him based on that. olympic swimmers can be pictured as sexy because of the tight clothing, built bodies, and athleticism but that doesn’t green light sexualization of them. antoni porowski can show off his body and pose sensually (even sexually) and that doesn’t mean it gives you the okay to objectify him and his body. i theorize a big reason why harry is often seen in baggier clothes now, beyond his fashion sense, is because without showing any discernible part of his body, it stops those from sexualizing him on his off time. so, has HSHQ used his already laden image and sexuality to push further into this sexualization? yes. has fans been conditioned to think of him sexually because of this ingrained narrative? of course. but does that mean we’re all lab rats being fed what they want and we have no say or conscious decision in the matter? no.

many artists use sexuality and sex appeal in their art and images. men, women, non-binary folk etc., etc. but that doesn’t mean they love being sexualized or have no qualms about it. take for example, halsey. she’s never been shy or against showing her sexuality and sensuality in her work, music, and persona. does that make it okay to objectify and sexualize her just because she does that? of course not. do you hear how you sound when you say these things? it’s very concerning. i’m sick of people wanting justifications for sexualizing artists— especially harry. if this was a woman, this argument for or against sexualization wouldn’t even exist. but since it’s harry it’s okay? i’m so tired of it.

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 25, part one

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Holy crap, Episode 25! We’re halfway through! *Cue Bon Jovi*

Hunt Invitation

After taking a nice long break to watch Word of Honor pick lotus pods, Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli return to stressing over the shitshow that is the post-Sunshot cultivation world. Jin Zixuan has come to invite them to the Phoenix Mountain Hunt, with a special invitation from his mother to Jiang Yanli. Jiang Cheng reacts to this in a mature and reasonable manner, while Wei Wuxian...doesn't.

On the surface, Jiang Cheng has matured in recent months; much more than Wei Wuxian, with his secret burdens, has. But it's only on the surface, as we'll see later in the episode, when Jiang Cheng's insecurity will take the reins.

Jin Zixuan is adorably pleased by Jiang Yanli's acceptance of the invitation. Wei Wuxian is less pleased, but sort of tries to suck it up. 

Jin Zixuan kind of undercuts the romance of his errand by asking Wei Wuxian for the Yin tiger amulet as soon as Jiang Yanli is out of earshot. 

As always, Jin Zixuan makes an impression by being the best Jin currently in existence, but the Jins are terrible. JZX is working to advance his dad's ambitions, and as such he is currently Wei Wuxian's enemy.  

(more after the cut)

Opening Ceremonies

There's a bunch of cultivators arranged for the opening ceremony. Later someone will say that this is more than 5 thousand people. Ok, sure.

As I've said before, it's best to think of it like a theatre production and assume the other 4,900 people are offstage or, you know, painted on the backdrop.  

The young lead cultivators from the four main clans are standing together. Nie Huaisang is trying out some new body armor.

The clan leaders are seated up on the stage, along with Jin Furen and Jiang Yanli. Unfortunately Jin Furen doesn't seem to have a personal name that I can discover. Her title Fūrén ( 夫人)  means she's the primary wife of the head of the family, according to this excellent meta. 

So “Madame Jin” is a decent translation...if you're French?  I feel like instead of English subtitles including borrowed words from French (”Marquis” in NIH), Greek (”Water of Lethe” in WOH), and other European languages, we could try borrowing Chinese words instead. Jin Zixuan's mom is titled, not named, Jin Furen. Since we don’t know her actual name, I'll call her that and abbreviate it JFR.

Wei Wuxian's childishness continues at the opening of the hunt, as does Jiang Yanli's encouragement of his childishness. I know she's had a rough couple of years, and it's understandable to want to baby her little brother out of a sense of nostalgia. But it's not good for him, and she shouldn't do it; she should encourage him to be more mature, just as she does with Jiang Cheng.

War Crimes Contest

Jin Guangyao says they're going to have an archery competition, and they're going to liven it up by endangering some prisoners. These prisoners are Wens in Wen cultivator uniforms, meaning they're not the noncombatants that were being hunted down earlier. But they’re still helpless people in chains. 

There are three different reactions when the Wen prisoners are brought out.  All the Jins are pleased, or neutral. All of the Jiangs, including Wei Wuxian, are upset.

The Nies and the Lans, what we see of them, are a little shocked, but not obviously upset. Based on those reactions, it seems like this is a maneuver that in-world is considered shocking and cruel, but not necessarily unethical or immoral.  Shocking, cruel displays of power are pretty normal in this world; remember when Wen Chao lit a Lan cultivator on fire just to say hello, and nobody complained? 

This whole scenario, of course, has been designed to provoke Wei Wuxian. One major goal of this event, and the whole reason for wanting Wei Wuxian to come,  is to get the Yin Tiger amulet.  Making him lose his shit in front of 100 5000 cultivators is a good step toward compelling him to hand the amulet over.  

We see Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli both signaling Wei Wuxian to keep it together, and he takes a step back and tries to chill.  

Meanwhile, Jin Zixuan seems annoyed by all this, and goes to take a shot at it, making it clear from his demeanor that this is easy and JGY is making a show of nothing. 

He hovers in the air and makes a perfect shot, pleasing most of the crowd and impressing Jiang Yanli. 

Then his cousin Jin Zixun taunts the crowd, challenging anyone to do better.  This presents a bit of a problem for Wei Wuxian. For the sake of the Wen prisoners, Wei Wuxian should just take this taunting and let the contest end, if no-one else is willing to take a shot. But for the sake of the Jiang Clan’s status, and his continued control of the Yin Tiger amulet, he needs to put the Jins in their place.  

Every Day is Blindfold Day

This moral dilemma is resolved with an abrupt tonal shift, where the humanitarian concerns of all parties seem to vanish. Wei Wuxian flirts embarrassingly with Lan Wangji and then goes as far over the top in besting Jin Zixuan as it's possible to go.

The flirting hits differently, incidentally, when you edit Jiang Cheng's annoyed reaction out of it: 

Lan Wangji doesn't seem embarrassed by Wei Wuxian's request, despite it happening in front of 100 5000 of their fellow cultivators. He looks Wei Wuxian straight in the eye for longer than necessary before turning away; it’s not exactly stern disapproval. We’ll get very used to this look, in Wei Wuxian’s second life. 

Fortunately, Wei Wuxian carries a blindfold with him wherever he goes, (gifset here), and he is such a good cultivator he can hit 5 parallel targets simultaneously without even holding his bow straight or tightening the string.

(OP fixed the angle of the bow for this gif, which is why everyone is standing on a hill in the background).

Everyone is pleased by this shot except Jins Guangyao and Zixun; even the Jin cultivators are clapping, and Madame Jin is presumably this happy any time Jin Guangyao’s plans go wrong.

With that they start the hunt. Jin Zixun challenges Wei Wuxian to do the whole hunt blindfolded. Wei Wuxian agrees, but the censorship committee said no, apparently, so we don’t get to see that.

Flute Hunting

We do get to see Wei Wuxian luring monsters into his nets by being too sexy for his robe, too sexy for his robe, and playing the flute.  

We also get to see Jiang cultivators looking puzzled while random monster roars happen in the woods around them. We do not get to see any monsters, which is probably just as well.

Jiang Cheng is annoyed and concerned, muttering "I told you not to overdo it" which means he didn't, you know, tell Wei Wuxian NOT to do this, just not to do it quite so well. Jiang Cheng knows what Wei Wuxian’s abilities are and he is making use of him, as he should, but he doesn’t have the courage of his convictions. 

Tree Confession

Wei Wuxian sees Lan Wangji and starts to say hi, but then he has a desaturated flashback to Lan Xichen telling him to back off, so he stops himself.  But then Lan Wangji comes over to talk to him.

Lan Wangji starts off talking to him about his latest anti-resentment musical discoveries, and Wei Wuxian pushes back, even calling him Lan Wangji, but gently.  Wei Wuxian asks "who am I to you?" and Lan Wangji turns the question right back at him, then waits a looooooong time, eyes downcast, while Wei Wuxian thinks of a serious answer.

Wei Wuxian says "I used to treat you as my zhījǐ" --which, as we’ve discussed before, is variously translated soulmate, confidant, intimate friend--with a strong meaning of "the person who truly knows me." Lan Wangji says "I still am." Coming from Lan Wangji, who NEVER says how he feels about Wei Wuxian or about anything, really, this sounds a lot like a confession of love. 

It definitely takes the form, visually, of a love confession, as Lan Wangji speaks, then gazes at Wei Wuxian while he waits for a reply.  Wei Wuxian's reply is this:

I don't think Wei Wuxian is oblivious (I'm speaking strictly of CQL, not MZDS, as always with these posts; they are different works). I think he loves Lan Wangji back, and knows it. But Chenqing and everything it represents are between them.

Lan Wangji is quite literally NOT his zhījǐ any more, because he doesn't truly know Wei Wuxian right now. He loves him desperately, but he doesn't know about his core, and hasn't accepted his cultivation method.  So Wei Wuxian answers his confession by showing him Chenqing, effectively declining to accept his still-conditional love.

Snake Measuring

Next we get terrible hetero courtship in the form of Jin Zixuan finding snake discharge on the ground and talking to Jiang Yanli about comparative snake measuring. Seriously: that is the actual conversation that they are having.

Jin Zixuan boasts for a bit, and then awkwardly tries to ask Jiang Yanli on a date. When she turns him down he gets mad, because he's a typical heterosexual dude even though he's secretly a delightful person...very, very secretly. Jiang Yanli, for her part, can't string a fucking sentence together to save her life whenever he's around, so she's not helping their mutual understanding. 

Lan Wangji attempts to hold Wei Wuxian back from beating Jin Zixuan’s ass yet again, but eventually JYL wants to leave, JZX tells her to wait, and WWX intervenes. Why doesn't Jiang Yanli have a maid or Jiang cultivator with her while she's on a date, incidentally? These kids are confused about whether they're doing feudal patriarchy or whether they're doing modern social life.

Jin vs. Jiang

Wei Wuxian jumps in between Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan, which JZX objects to. Jin Zixuan has no fucking business objecting and Wei Wuxian is 100% right, at this point. As soon as WWX shows up JZX should hand her off to her Shidi, bow, and leave her the fuck alone. Instead, he draws his sword on Wei Wuxian, and kind of on Jiang Yanli since she's right behind Wei Wuxian.  Fortunately, Lan Wangji blocks him. 

This instantly blows up into a Jiang-Jin Clan conflict, with Jiang Cheng unfortunately absent since he let his unmarried sister go off in the woods alone with the son of the Cultivaton world's most famous lecher. It looks like it’s a personal conflict, but since Jin Zixuan already told Wei Wuxian directly that Jin Guangshan wants his amulet, any arguments between them are part of a larger power struggle. 

Cousin Jin Zixun comes running up to start shit. Wei Wuxian pretends--I am SURE he's pretending--not to know who he is. The dude hassles Wei Wuxian every time he sees him; Wei Wuxian is a troll, and right now CJXZ is butting in to something that doesn't concern him. Rather than argue, Wei Wuxian insults him by telling him he’s not memorable.

Jin Furen shows up with several maids and cultivator dudes in tow, which is the proper way for a highborn woman to wander around in the woods. She also brings Clan Leader Yao, because if it's Wei Wuxian Blaming Hours, Yao is going to be there.  

I initially found the deep friendship between superhot Yi Zuyuan and dumpy Jin Furen implausible, but then I remembered that my lifelong bestie is a smokin' hot redhead with impeccable fashion sense, while I am a roly-poly nerd.  Friends don’t always match. Also, Jin Furen's actress, Hu Xiaoting, looks like this: 

...so she is actually hot in real life. Not as hot as Zhang Jingtong (who plays Yu Ziyuan) but literally nobody is as hot as Zhang Jingtong. Don't @ me, you know I'm right.

This is a heck of a long scene, so we’ll pick it up in part two! 

Soundtrack: Livin’ on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

Writing prompt: Newly-divorced, cold-hearted CEO Yu Ziyuan buys an apartment next door to newly-divorced, warm-hearted pastry chef ...uhh let's call her Jin Dàngāo (蛋糕), sure. She can name her business after herself. 

They discover their daughter & son are in the same college class, and so they meet up over coffee....several times...trying to matchmake their hopeless, hapless kids, while bonding over their own terrible (former) taste in husbands. Who will Cupid strike first, the kids or the moms?

Toeing a line // Fox x Reader

TW: typical club stuff, alcohol drinking, arson mention, a random guy being a douche

Ahh, yes enemies to lovers but Fox has the emotional intelligence of a raisin

The music was pounding in 79's, a rhythmic bass line thumping so loudly that it created a ring like ripple with every beat in the cheap Nubian whiskey. Fox wrapped his hand around the low ball glass to absorb the vibrations before quickly retracting it- didn't want his drink to get too hot. After all, the cheap booze was probably the highlight of Fox's night and it was barely tolerable when chilled. He allowed himself a deep sigh, but at least tried to mask his scowl. No one else seemed to mind the colorful flashing lights or the shrieking Sullustese singing that accompanied the bone shaking bass. So instead of dampening the mood for the other party goers, Fox ordered another drink.

If you asked him how he ended up at 79's on one of his very, very rare days off? Fox would tell you that his brother's promised to pay his tab.

Well, that's not entirely accurate. You wouldn't have asked, hell, you probably would've avoided interaction all together. You had been exceptionally angry the last time you'd seen him.

After all, he was in charge of the Coruscant Guard. Which meant it was his job to inform you, one of the Coruscant Security Force's lead field detectives, when one of your cases fell under Guard jurisdiction. And during wartime, that was exceedingly frequent. So frequent in fact, the two of you were on a first name basis- that is, when you weren't calling him an ass.

Like, two days prior when he'd swiped up an arson case after you'd already almost solved it. Fox couldn't help that the arsonist burned a senator's sidepiece's apartment, and therefore it became a political issue which technically made it terrorism. You hadn't felt that way, and weren't afraid to let him know it.

Fox told you it was Coruscant Guard jurisdiction. You told him to go fuck himself. He asked if you had a problem with how he did his job. You asked if there was room under that helmet for the boot he was licking.

Fox shook his head as he sipped his drink, you had quite the mouth. You were feisty, a trait that was almost admirable when it wasn't infuriating. He finished his first drink as he thought about the last time he saw you, chest heaving as you tried to control your temper, eyes glinting maliciously as you glared at him, and fists clenched at your sides like you were going to punch him. Yeah, feisty was one word for it. Force of nature was another. Fox took another sip as he corrected his line of thought. Yes, objectively you were attractive, exceedingly clever, witty, and good at your job- but above all you were a pain in the ass. Especially, when you got angry at him for doing his job.

From his stool at the corner of the bar, he had a decent view of the entire club. Instinctively, his eyes did a sweep of the building. Nothing out of the normal- dancing women, drunk soldiers, server droids. He took a longer gulp as he finished his habitual sweep, almost choking when his eyes landed on something shocking.

You. You- in a hem line much shorter than anything you wore in the office. You- with a fruity, glowing drink in your hand as you leaned forward laughing as something the heavy artillery trooper said. You- with an easy grin and no tension in your shoulder.

Apparently, you weren't that angry, was Fox's first thought. Or at least you didn't look so angry when the heavy gunner kept an arm around your waist to keep you close- bordering the line between chivalrous and 'copping a feel', but you didn't seem to mind.

Fox narrowed his eyes in on the kid's face- obviously young, cropped hair, scar over through one eyebrow, and a fresh tattoo over the bridge of his nose-, wondering if he knew this trooper. He didn't know why it mattered, but it did. Mattered so much, in fact, that he didn't know he was staring until suddenly he was making eye contact with the soldier who was whispering something in your ear. Even though Fox pointedly looked away, he could've sworn he heard you giggle before you excused yourself.

When he looked back up, you were sauntering towards him with a light step, flushed face, and easy grin. Obviously, you hadn't seen him yet, so Fox tried angling himself away from you. When you got to the bar, you signaled to the bartender.

"Two shots, whatever's most popular tonight, please." You announced, running a hand through your hair. Even your voice sounded different, there wasn't an edge to it. Fox fully planned on staying silent, letting you go about your night with out him bothering you. But when a wave of your perfume hit him or maybe it was the double of his Nubian whiskey, he couldn't help it.

"I didn't picture you as the club type, Detective (Y/L/N)." Fell out of his lips before he even realized he was speaking. You tensed for a moment, you'd recognize that sarcasm anywhere. Fortunately, two drink in or not, you were never without a witty response for your favorite least favorite case stealer as lazily turned his way, hip cocking to one side and head to the other.

"Is that your way of asking if I come here often, Commander?" His title rolled of your tongue in an irritatingly, enticingly ironic way. He was pretty sure it was more respectful when you called him an ass. But at least this time you were smiling at him.

"What you do in your personal time is completely up to you." Fox answered formally, but the raised eye brows and raised eye brows told you otherwise. Like him, you couldn't help your next snarky comment.

"Well, since you took my case, I have plenty of personal time this weekend." You shot back, turning towards him. The commander was sans helmet, but still donned his red painted armor, "Besides, I could say the same thing about you."

Fox was about to shoot something back but suddenly, two armored arms wrapped around your waist pulling you back, “Sweet cheeks, what's the hold up with our drinks?"

Your demeanor changed immediately as an over exaggerated giggle bubbled out of your throat. A sugar sweet smile plastered to your face as you leaned back into that same trooper's chest, and your voice raised two octaves, "Bartender's busy, but they're coming!"

Whoever this was, it wasn't you. Snarky and 'irritating' as you were, he liked the real you much better. Fox had to look away as the heavy gunner in brownish-orange armor pressed kisses down your neck as you tried to flag the bartender again. Like Fox, the bartender assessed you and the trooper with an air of disgust and an over exaggerated eyeball- at least Fox managed to hide his.

“Get a room.” The bartender gruffed, sliding two shots of a glowing pink liquid towards you before following the statement in a string of angry curses in Neimoidian. You paid the insult no mind as you scooped up one of the shot glasses, and you escort of the night did the same with a grin.

Out of the corner of his eye, the commander saw you throw back your shot, even noticing how a stray streak escaped down the corner of you mouth, leaving a subtly glowing trail before your tongue darted to remedy it. Fox was so preoccupied in watching you that he hadn’t even noticed the gunner was staring at him.

You bounced slightly on your feet, enjoying the rush that the unidentified libation gave you and giving Fox a devilish wink before grinning back at your beau.

“Do you know him, baby?” The tattooed soldier asked with a slight slur, nodding his head towards the commander, voiced bordering between indulging for your sake and territorial to ward Fox off. He had adjusted his grip, now one of his arms was tight around shoulder with his gloved middle finger rubbing small circled on the exposed, tender skin exposed by the rather daring neckline of your outfit- but Fox was more distracted by the body glitter he’d just noticed. The commander cleared his throat and averted his eyes as he took a long sip of his drink, preparing himself for whatever description you’d cook up after your appraising stare (was your little smirk appreciative or malicious, Fox couldn’t decide).

“Oh, yeah, we work together sometimes.” You told him, before shrugging his arm off your frame. That was not the scathing review Fox had been expecting, and work together was a very generous way of putting things. You gave the commander another smirk, this time with a challenging raised eyebrow before laughing to yourself as you shook your head. Your drinking partner watched this micro interaction with the same level of confusion that Fox had, barely smoothing out his jealous sneer in time for you to turn back to him, “Order another round, I’m going to go freshen up, mmkay?”

You didn’t wait for confirmation as you left the two confused soldiers in your wake, hips swaying as you disappeared in the crowd.

Clearly not used to taking orders from pretty little things like you- Fox shook that line of thought out of his head and started over. Clearly not used to taking orders in his time off, it took the trooper a moment to catch up, before flagging down the bartender, “Another two shots, something to make her a little… frisky.”

Fox’s emotions went from annoyed at his presence, to a quick decision he hated this soldier. Similarly, the bartender gave him an actual disgusted reaction but got to work while Fox gave the gunner a nasty side eye.

“Got a staring problem, brother?” He huffed at the commander, with the intent to sound intimidating. But after seeing the kid down a neon pink drink, it missed by a long shot. Fox turned face towards him with an unimpressed stare, but the gunner kept going, “Yeah, I’ve noticed you staring.”

“Believe me, I wasn’t looking at you.” Fox informed him, voiced dripping with sarcasm as he shook his head as he went back to his drink, wishing you’d show back up and whisk the orange painted trooper away. He pictured it mentally and then decided you could take as much time as you pleased, because- for some reason he couldn’t place- the image made him aggravated. The barkeep placed two shots in front of them, both a dangerous deep black, before dropping a heart shaped fizzy tablet in both, turning them bubbly an a dark, transparent red. The sight would have made Fox wary had he not seen women order them for themselves before, but seeing as it was you- the commander still didn’t like it.

“Yeah, well, that hot piece of ass is with me, so keep your eyes to yourself.”

Fox snapped his head up, sending a glare to the younger soldier. Did he not have the decency to use your actual name? Did he even know your name?  The gunner smirked thinking he had struck a nerve- he had, but not the one he had intended to strike- so he continued, “Or, you can keep watching from here, I guess it doesn’t matter. We'll be too preoccupied to care.”

That was enough.

Fox stood to his feet, not that it mattered seeing that all clones were the same height for the most part. He gave the soldier a once over before coming back to his eyes which were bordering on glassy as the gunner slightly swayed on his feet.

“What’s your name and rank, soldier?” There was an edge to Fox’s voice, that even he couldn’t quite place, but nevertheless he continued to glare at the trooper.

“Are you trying to pull rank on me, man? Who do you think you are?” The disbelieving soldier shook his head as he shoved Fox’s shoulder. He had a point. It was considered a dick move to pull rank when off duty, and Fox made it a point to offend doing so. But here he was doing it anyway, over a girl who probably hated him.

“Clone Commander Fox of the Coruscant Guard.” Fox answered, letting the hostility flavor his words. The difference was immediate, like he instantly sobered up as his face went white. The orange painted soldier straightened his posture and dropped the challenging glare in favor of an apologetic stare.

“C-Commander?,” He sputtered at first, before  shaking his head to center himself, “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t recognize you.”

The kid sputtered for another second, settling on the excuse, “I’ve had too much to drink.”

Fox took a little too much pleasure in the anxiety on the gunner’s features, and since he’d dug this hole, he might as well finish it, “Then maybe you should be done for the night.” Fox ’suggested’ sternly, pushing the two red shots out of reach without looking away, “Before you get yourself into trouble.”

The younger trooper nodded frantically, even throwing in a salute and a ’thank you, sir’, before quickly brushing past the Commander.

Fox caught his arm as he passed, pulling him in close enough to add on menacingly, “And stay away from (Y/N).”

The Gunner nodded again before scuttling out of the club, in an alarming hurry. Fox shook his head, already feeling a little bad for scaring the kid- the young trooper would probably wait for weeks in fear of a formal reprimand or demotion that would never come. Fox was mean, but he wasn’t going to hurt the kids career, just because he tried picking up the wrong girl. But then again, maybe a healthy dose of fear would do the kid some good, maybe he’d even stop using phrases like ‘hot piece of ass’- anyone who said that seriously maybe did deserve a demotion.

Shaking his head, Fox already felt a little embarrassed about his little display as he slid back onto his stool and finished his second drink.  The bartender saw the empty glass and came to top it off, but Fox waved him off- maybe he should take his own advice.

All that fuss, over the lead deceive who called him an ass like it was his name. Sighing, he ran a face over his head and reminded himself of all the reasons you weren’t worth the trouble.

Number one, you most definitely hated him and he (probably) hated you too, because you both found each other infuriating enough to ignore any redeeming qualities.

Number two, you could handle yourself and would at least attempt to kick Fox ass if you found out he intervened. He remembered watching you take down a suspected murderer- hell you might actually kick his ass if you were angry enough.

Number three, you didn’t seem to have minded the attention at all. It was Fox the interaction had bothered.

Fox was having trouble with a number four, and was growing agitated at the rather short list. A moment later, you sauntered back up, hair a little more in place and lip coloring touched up. Upon only finding one soldier, you looked around in confusion but found nothing.

“Where’d Blast go?” You asked over the music which had turned to a electro tech song with no words. One side of your painted lips tugging downward as you gave the club another once over. Fox just then realized he’d never even learned his name, no matter, to put himself back on track he let sarcasm roll off his tongue.

“You’re Coruscant’s lead field detective, you tell me.” Fox shrugged. Instantly, you sent him that annoyed glance he’d been waiting for all night. There you were, the real you. No more over exaggerated pouts or fake giggles.

“Well, I’d start the investigation but then you’d swoop it out from under me after I basically solved it for you, so why don’t you go ahead and tell me.” You sneered back, sharp eyes waiting expectantly. Fox was most definitely not going to tell you about his a tad bit over aggressive piss contest, you’d either punch him or never let him live it down- and the commander wasn’t sure which was the worst option. Instead, he nodded towards the mens bathroom as he twirled the ice in his empty glass.

“Kid said he was gonna hurl, apparently he hasn’t learned to hold his liquor yet.” He couldn’t help the subtle dig as he smirked, that wasn’t even true.

“Gross,” You muttered under your breath before you eyed the two shots on the bar. You plucked them both up, thinking about offering one to Fox before deciding against it, “Well if they’re already paid for.”

With that, you downed both shots without even checking what they were. The confidence in that action almost impressed Fox, but he told himself it was obnoxious. With no escort and no more booze, you sighed rolling your neck from side to side as the alcohol settled, “Well, probably for the best. I have work tomorrow.”

Fox quirked an eyebrow, “I thought I “stole" your case.”

He put extra emphasis on the air quotes just to annoy you- it worked. You threw him another withering look, but Fox- who was used to your scathing glares- didn’t flinch.

“Yeah, for every case you steal from me, I get three more.” You defended hotly, but eased into a laugh as you theatrically added, “Because criminals never sleep.”

Yep, that would definitely be those last two shots kicking in. You waited patiently for another sassy remark, quite frankly this conversation was much more riveting than anything Blast had said to you all night. Fox rose both eyebrows at your rather lame joke, but huffed a laugh anyways (at your humor or your lackadaisical demeanor, you weren’t sure).

“If that’s the case, why are you always so mad at me for- rightfully- taking cases that fall under my jurisdiction?” He pressed, flagging down the bartender for a glass of water that wasn’t for him. When he turned back to you, you annoyed glare had softened ever so slightly and your smirk had faded into a softer smile he’d never seen before.

“Just cause it’s you, Fox, just cause it’s you.” You told him, and Fox detected a lick of honesty behind your teasing grin. Hold his gaze for a second before shaking your head, you looked to the barkeep before he could set down the water, “His drinks are on me.”

Fox didn’t have a chance to protest before you winked at him again over your shoulder, already walking away, “See ya around, Commander.”

Yeah, Fox was definitely toeing a dangerous line. A very, very dangerous line.

Rosie Watson

I don’t see much talk about Rosie, which is understandable since she has so little screen time. However, a child is a pretty important part of anyone’s life. And I’m in a child psychology class right now, so this sort of stuff is on my mind. I often see her appear in fanfiction, usually inaccurately, which is understandable because writing children is hard. This post is going to talk about her development at the end of the show (about 18 months old), what her development would be like at 2 years old (a common age for her in fanfiction), and how Mary’s death might have affected her.

Physical Development

By 18 months old, the physical development of most babies is pretty well developed. They’re almost definitely going to be walking by this time, maybe still a little unsteadily, but most can get around pretty well without much assistance at 18 months. By two years old, most children can climb stairs, run, and jump. Other than growing bigger, their physical development is starting to come to a close. Fine motor skills are still developing at this age; gross motor skills are going to be more well developed. A common test used is stacking blocks. At 18 months, they can generally only stack about 3, but by 2 years, babies can usually stack 5 blocks. Their peripheral and color vision is basically completely developed by 2 years, and their eyes, unless there is something wrong with them, will probably be close to 20/20 vision. They have well developed depth perception and perceptual constancy (the idea that an object viewed from a different distance or a different angle is still the same object). By 18 months, their hearing is well developed, and babies of this age can locate the sources of sounds just as well as adults can. 

Cognitive Development

Jean Piaget came up with 6 stages for cognitive development in babies. By 18 months, Rosie would be in either stage 5 (12-18 months) or stage 6 (18-24 months). By this age, Rosie would be quite inquisitive about the world. Babies at this age are described as ‘miniature scientists’: they are exploring and trying to figure out how things work, often getting into things they shouldn’t. And since they can move around pretty well by this age, they’re able to get into a lot of things. They will be engaging in trial and error behaviors in order to accomplish something, though at 18, the baby might be able to start mentally representing some objects and able to manipulate them in their head and figure it out that way. The example Piaget gives is an experiment he did on his own kids. At (I think) 18 months, he gave his daughter a stick that she wanted to pull into her crib. She was able to get it into her crib only by repeated trial and error of repeatedly turning the stick until it was able to fit through the bars. He repeated this experiment with a different kid when they were about 24 months old, and they were able to sit there and think about it for a moment before turning the stick and pulling it into the crib because they were able to mentally manipulate the stick. Object permanence is fully established around 12 months, so Rosie at this age would fully grasp it and go after objects that have left her view or been hidden. Deferred imitation (the ability to repeat an observed action after a waiting period) is also well established by 12 months - children are able to repeat actions seen 4 weeks prior. So it would be easy for Rosie to repeat the actions of others at 18 months, definitely by 2 years. This is because memory starts solidifying around 12 months. Toddlers 1-3 years old require 12-14 hours of sleep each day.

Language

I think this is the biggest mistake I see when it comes to writing really young children. Your 2 year old will not be speaking complete sentences. At 18 months, babies only have a vocabulary of about 50 words (though, they can understand far more words than this - probably twice as many words). Between 18 and 22 months, babies have a vocabulary explosion, going from 50 words to about 300. About 75% of the words gained during this time are nouns. What is common at this age is overextension, which is use of words in situations where meaning is extended. This usually happens with function or form. For example, if a baby is shown a small dog and told that is a ‘doggie’ and then shown a cow and told that is a ‘cow’, they child might think anything bigger than the small dog is a cow, even if its actually a dog. So medium to large dogs, sheep, horses, moose, and cows might all get called cows. By extension, anything about the size of the dog, or maybe even smaller, might get called ‘doggie’. Or, maybe the baby has a toy train that it calls a ‘choo-choo’. The baby might end up calling anything with wheels a ‘choo-coo’. At 18-24 months, babies will be using 2 word sentences. However, they do seem to understand syntax pretty well at this age - if they want you to sit in a chair, they will tell you ‘sit chair’, not ‘chair sit’. At this age, they will be using Telegraphic Speech, which are brief expressions that contain the meaning of the sentence but only essential words are used. Adults use this in their everyday life, such as if we text someone ‘home Tuesday’ instead of ‘I will be home on Tuesday’.  If you want to go the route of showing Rosie as some sort of genius baby (or any baby of this age, for that matter), then you might have a baby using 3 word sentences with a vocabulary of 500 words. That would be a very smart baby. However, it’s almost impossible to tell how smart someone will be at this age. Baby’s brains are still developing, and even the smartest babies will have an upper limit on what they are capable of at this age. Most IQ tests can’t really start accurately predicting future intelligence until about 5 or 6. Even the tests that have been designed for babies 2 and younger are really only useful for telling if there’s some sort of cognitive impairment, not if the baby is exceptionally smart for its age. Even the ones that excel at the tests at that age might end up with only average intelligence. If you want Rosie to be a genius, it likely won’t really start showing until she is a little older.

Mary’s Death

Mary dies sometime between Rosie being about 6 months (when she throws the rattle at Sherlock) and 18 months (the end of TFP). We’ll just say 12 months for easy numbers. By this age, Rosie would have developed very strong attachments to her caregivers. Obviously John and Mary are her caregivers, but the scene where Rosie throws the rattle at Sherlock shows that Rosie has formed a strong attachment with Sherlock; 6 months is about the age where fear of strangers begins, and Rosie shows absolutely no discomfort with Sherlock, so he’s been around enough for the previous months to have a strong attachment with him. When Molly tells Sherlock that John doesn’t want to see him anymore at the end of T6T, we’re going to say that Rosie is about 12 months. This is about the time when fear of strangers starts declining, but if Rosie wasn’t pretty comfortable with Molly, she would be fussy at being taken away from her father, so it’s a pretty safe bet that Molly has also been pretty involved with taking care of Rosie. So, that’s 4 primary caregivers total. Some might think that, because Rosie is so young, Mary’s death wouldn’t affect her. And Rosie isn’t likely to remember Mary or that she died. However, babies are utterly dependent on those that take care of them. Consequently, they form very strong attachments to those that take care of them. As anyone who has been around a baby can tell you, they get upset when the person that takes care of them disappears and isn’t around to offer them safety and comfort. By 12, Rosie would have formed a very strong attachment with Mary; even with her other caregivers being around, she still would have noticed Mary’s absence and been affected by it. However, her other caregivers weren’t around. John tells Sherlock that he doesn’t want Sherlock around any more, and then Sherlock goes “off his tits” with drugs for a while. John is having to deal with his wife being dead and the anger he feels towards his friend over that. It’s shown that he’s not doing too well. He’s probably still Rosie’s primary caregiver, but he almost definitely wouldn’t be as involved as he was simply because he’s so emotionally distraught. Meaning that the person who was probably least involved with Rosie prior to Mary’s death (Molly) might have ended up becoming the main caregiver for Rosie for a little while there. She went from 4 to 1 and a half caregivers, more or less. And that would definitely have affected her.  The most obvious way would be in her attachment style. Babies form different attachments to their caregivers, partially dependent on the baby’s own temperament, but usually dependent a lot more on the kind of care they receive. Most babies have secure attachment. Securely attached babies will show mild distress at a caregiver’s departure and will want to interact with the caregiver upon their return. However, they are easily comforted by the caregiver and go back to being happy and content pretty soon after being comforted. They use their caregiver as a secure base to explore the world around them. As long as the caregiver is close by, and giving positive signals as the baby is exploring if the baby becomes uncertain, they will remain content and explore just about everything they can. Securely attached babies are happier and more sociable with strangers, more cooperative with parents, get along better with peers, are better at problem solving, and having higher attention spans and lower impulsive behaviors. Contrast that with insecure attachment. There are actually 3 different types of insecure attachments, but I’m not going to go into them because this post is long enough as it is, and the individual types isn’t really important. There are some consistencies. Insecurely attached babies will be more emotionally distressed and less easily comforted by caregiver’s departure. They may initially show confusion or be dazed and disoriented with the caregiver first leaves. They may show contradictory behavior when the caregiver returns, alternating between pulling the caregiver close and pushing them away (though, there is one form of insecure attachment where the baby basically just ... doesn’t care about the caregiver. They show the least distress out of all babies when the caregiver leaves and basically ignores them when the caregiver returns).  Rosie would most likely start out as a securely attached baby. She is surrounded by a lot of people that love her and engage with her and take very good care of her. Sherlock would absolutely encourage exploration and curiosity within Rosie. however, attachment styles can change, depending on the caregiving received. I think it likely that, after the events of T6T, her attachment style would change from secure to insecure. The good news is, that also means it can change back, from insecure to secure. Even though we see Sherlock and John interacting with her will at the end of TFP, she would likely still be insecurely attached. It takes time for anyone to get over that sort of thing. If you are writing her at 18-20 months, it would be completely believable to write her as being a bit of a ‘problem baby’, with all the issues that come from insecure attachment. However, by 2 years, she will likely have gone back to a secure attachment style, likely with no lasting consequences of what happened during season 4. Babies display a wonderful ability to bounce back from all sorts of harsh conditions they go through at a young age, showing almost no problems later in life as long as they are given the chance to have a better situation and improve.

I hope this helps anyone looking to write about Rosie or any babies about 18 to 24 months of age. 

dirtbags // 4: Lola

Summary: High school AU. 1985. Winter. Heather’s party is huge; Lola makes new friends, get better acquainted with some underclassmen, and turns out to be far cozier with the hostess than anyone could guess. The next day, Nikki comes to work despite his hangover, while Charlotte and Eileen plan Vince’s murder. Razzle’s just there to have fun. 

A/N: 6603 words. For @misscharlottelee and @julymotel , my beloveds, as always. Sorry it's late, it's been a hell of a week. But, here's the kids. I should say that this chapter does include slight, implied internalised homophobia, just as a warning.

judge if you want, we are all going to die. i intend to deserve it.

For the record, Lola isn’t a party-goer by nature, and the fact that she’s been to two in as many months is baffling her. Usually she just goes to see bands, and sometimes hangs out at peoples’ houses, but high school parties specifically alluded her for most of her time in Boston. It’s not that she wasn’t invited, but her mom had been something of a hardass, and the closest she’d ever gotten was when drunk kids made their way to the diner right before closing on a Friday or Saturday.

Her dad’s fully supportive of her going out and partying, which is weird in it’s own right. He writes down their home phone number on a piece of paper, in case Lola can’t remember it when she’s drunk - his words - and tells her to call whenever she needs a lift. Don’t go get into a car with strangers. Drink plenty of water. Be safe. Have fun. 

“Dad, you’re being weird,” she’d told him flatly, applying eyeliner to her waterline in the bathroom. Leo, leaning against the door with his arms crossed, was watching her with a fond expression.

“If I was a hardass and banned you from going out, you’d probably still sneak out anyways -” Lola goes to protest, which Leo finds sweet, but he holds a hand up, and she lets him continue, “not that I don’t think you respect me, but I just know what it was like being a teenager; if you got into trouble while sneaking out, you wouldn’t feel like you could call me for help,” he explained, giving pause, “but I always will, you know that, right?” And Lola nods, but goes back to applying eyeliner, knowing her father’s tone of voice too well, anticipating the fact that he was about to dive into a story of his own to help prove his point.

“When I was your age, or maybe a bit younger, fifteen or sixteen, me and some friends snuck out to a bonfire one night that my parents had absolutely forbidden me from going to, and I ended up needing to go to the emergency room from a burn I got on my hand from being an idiot around the fire,” and he raised his left hand, to show the still visible, large scar on his palm, “I was more terrified of what my father would do than of the burn itself so I didn’t try and call him or mum; I walked home from the hospital alone the next morning, and lied about how I got the burn.”

Lola paused, lowering the eyeliner pencil, meeting her father’s gaze in the mirror. Leo’s smile had turned a little sad at the memory; Lola doesn’t hear much about her grandparents, and she wonders if stories like this are the reason why.

“You’re my kid, Keola, I never want you to think you can’t come to me for help, okay?” It’s rare for Leo to use Lola’s full first name, usually reserving it for more poignant and earnest moments, so every comment about how he’s being a sap, or that she already knows, dies on Lola’s tongue. 

“Thanks, dad,” she smiles soft, and Leo smiles back, all crows feet and laugh lines, before he tells her that she looks badass, and he steps out of the doorframe, heading back downstairs to the diner. 

By the time Lola shows up, it’s just edging past eight-thirty, though the party still seems to be in its early stages. There’s music that can be heard down the street, and fairy lights scattered throughout the garden, though most of the partygoers who had already arrived are still confined to the house. Apart from a gangly, dark-haired boy whose face she knows, but whose name she doesn’t, sitting on the wide, ostentatious front steps, looking up at the stars glittering overhead. There’s a cigarette in a loose grip between two fingers, though the ash has already burnt down half of it without him tapping it off; it’s almost comical, she’s pretty sure he hasn’t even put it to his lips yet.

“You’re wasting that,” Lola points out, and the guy is jolted from his thoughts, the movement sharp enough to have the ash falling from the cigarette and to the ground by his shoes. He looks to the cigarette, which has gone out, and then to Lola, a little helpless, “I could take it off your hands,” she offers, unsure of how to proceed, and he holds the cigarette out, smile blooming on his face.

“I can’t get the hang of it; I’m playing a smoker in this play I’m doing in a month, and I’ve been trying, you know, make it feel natural, never seems to,” his mouth is curved into a bemused smile as he shrugs helplessly, watching Lola tuck the half a cigarette behind her ear. For a moment, his eyes roam his face, like he’s searching for something to recognize, and she can read it all over him when he finds it, his eyes alight with familiarity, “you work at the diner!”

Lola hates how disarming she finds his earnestness. He doesn’t mention her reputation or the rumours around her, which she’s pretty sure he would have heard since she’s eighty-percent sure he goes to her school.

“Lola,” she offers her hand, and he takes it, using it as leverage to get to his feet before he gives it a proper shake.

“Keanu,” he says, matter-of-factly, still grinning, and Lola suddenly knows where she knows him from. The school musical sign-up sheet is on the Art Faculty’s notice board right outside her art classroom, and she’s been staring at his name amongst a small list of others, including Eileen’s, much to Lola’s surprise, while she and the rest of her art class wait to get into their room.

At least she’s pretty sure it’s him; Keanu’s not exactly a common name. The only other time she’d heard it was in one of her dad’s stories, it was the name of one of his childhood friends -

She leaves it be; he groans and stretches, and there’s an idle moment where his shirt rides up, and Lola reminds herself to focus on the person who actually invited her, and to stop getting fleeting feelings for people she barely knows just because they’re pretty. Lola mutters that she needs a drink, and Keanu claps her on the shoulder and agrees, the two of them heading inside.

Heather’s house is in the same part of town as Vince’s, almost an hour’s walk from the diner, but somehow Heather’s is even nicer. Sprawling front lawn, abstract paintings and movie props on little, pristine pedestals inside, Lola feels like she’s lowering the property value just by stepping foot inside. The party was easily both the nicest and most raucous Lola had ever been to, which, granted, wasn’t saying a lot, but their house was wired with speakers, all connected back to the jukebox in the living room, and Heather’s parents had even let her hire coloured lights.

“As long as the cops aren’t called, we can do whatever we want,” was the message passed around the school from Heather herself. Lola’s feels as though that probably won’t bode well for her parents’ elegantly displayed collectables, but whatever, it’s not like it’s Lola’s problem.

Already there’s a decent crowd inside, and Lola loses Keanu amongst them, making a beeline for the kitchen, manoeuvring around the house with easy familiarity. She reaches pushes past several people to get to the fridge, reaching all the way to the back, past a set of tupperware, to the bottle of wine Heather’s mom had stashed there. Lola removes the sticky note telling everyone not to touch it, and uncorks the bottle over the sink, scowling.

It feels like she’s floating through the night, no-one around that she knows just yet, disconnected from everyone else, carrying the bottle of wine by her side, occasionally taking a drink. Moving from room to room, she takes her time people watching, and guessing how long before the various, expensive props and bric-a-brac were being used for things counter to their intended purpose. 

In the front room, there’s finally someone she recognises, kind of; the the young redhead, the fruit one- Peach! She’s unsteady on her feet, beautiful and angry, defiantly making her way through a can of cheap beer, and Lola wonders where the rest of her clique is, that sister of hers, Eileen, even Charlotte. 

“You okay?” Lola’s never been great at comforting people, but Peach is currently leaning against a wall at a forty-five degree angle after losing her balance, and scowling. She’s drunk. Already. Fuck.

“I’m fine! Freaking- fucking great!” She’s not even looking at Lola properly, glaring out the window she’d narrowly missed falling on. Lola follows her gaze. It’s just passed nine, and Tommy and Charlotte can be seen walking up to the door; they don’t see Peach or Lola, thankfully. 

“You - you’re friends with that... that mean, asshole, punk guy, right?” Peach asks, standing upright so suddenly she overbalances again, and Lola has to catch her elbow to keep her from topping. Peach slaps her hand away, but keeps her balance, obviously with a bee in her bonnet about something that Lola couldn’t even begin it fathom.

“Nikki?” Lola clarifies flatly, amused but not wanting it to show. Peach nods solemnly. Lola bites back a laugh, “yes, I’m friends with him, why?”

“Is he coming tonight?” Peach asks, tone almost forcibly coy and casual, raising her can of drink, taking large gulps as Lola says that he mentioned that he should be, and then asks why. Peach goes quiet. Lola had thought it impossible for Peach’s scowl to grow deeper, but it did, as a blush began to creep up her neck. 

“You know my sister, right? Eileen?” Peach says, instead, and Lola nods slowly, and she takes a swig of wine, “she’s a year - a single goddamn year - older than me; I’m sixteen, Lola, she said I was too young to go to a party like this.” And yeah, okay, Lola makes a face at that; she was the same age as Tommy, and he’s done objectively worse stuff in front of Eileen and Charlotte with no complaints. The last house party flashes through Lola’s mind, and she grimaces - “exactly, it’s dumb! Charlie had been dating Duff for a year by the time she was my age, and let me tell you, they were proper gross!” Peach sways a little, and Lola reminds her that she has no idea who Duff is; Peach calls him a word that shocks Lola to hear her say it, especially for a girl who had to correct herself from saying freaking to fucking just moments ago.

“Noted,” Lola nods, and takes another drink; she’s almost a third through the bottle.

“I’m not a child, Lola,” Peach says, as seriously as she can muster, and, as if light a lightbulb has gone off above Lola’s head, she realises why Peach was asking after Nikki. 

“You’re not,” Lola agrees slowly, and looks around, hoping to spot Charlotte or Tommy around, someone better suited to talking an angry, determined Peach out of something she’d regret. 

“Don’t take that tone with me,” Peach huffed, standing to her full height, which unfortunately for Lola, made her taller by a few inches, “you know what, fuck you, Lola -”

“Peach -”

“No, fuck that, I know that tone -”

“Never thought I’d see you out at a place like this, Peach,” there’s a warm familiarity in the voice that joins them, and Peach visibly relaxes. Lola turns, and sees Vince Neil, bleach blonde, decked out in his usual, obnoxious white. 

“Fuck off, Vince,” Peach mumbles, turning back to the window in an attempt to hide her sudden blush. Lola raises her eyebrows and looks to Vince, intrigued. The moment his gaze meets Lola’s, Vince turns quietly awkward, and can do little more than offer a shrug. 

“Peach?” He tries again, and Peach finishes her drink, tipping her head back, and doesn’t even seem to notice that she’s started to topple back until he catches her, “fuck, Peach.” He says, still holding her.

“You really should fuck off,” Peach says, softer this time, leaning into him, and something pained flashes across Vince’s expression for the barest moment; Peach doesn’t notice in her state, but Lola sees it. 

“Eileen been in your ear lately?” Vince asks through gritted teeth. Peach’s scowl back in full force, and she’s righting herself.

“No,” she snaps, an obvious lie, and she pushes past Lola, making her unsteady way to the kitchen, Vince obviously feeling some sort of obligation to her, following quickly in her wake. Thank God. Lola really didn’t want to take care of a girl she barely knows all night. 

She’s two thirds of the way through the bottle of wine, feeling good and buzzed, and she’s made polite conversation with the people she knows and the people she doesn’t, the people who know her by reputation, or from the diner, polite to a fault, knowing too much and too little about her all at once.

Tommy’s roped them into a conversation with a few kids from his year that Lola doesn’t recognize any of them, and one, drunk, brunette, stupid, asks her about the rumours, in a crude, roundabout way. Tommy’s hand is firm on Lola’s shoulder, apology in his eyes as he silently pleads with her to not make a scene. Lola kicks his asshole friend in the shin anyways, and spits that he has terrible taste in friends. 

Charlotte waves to her, but Lola doesn’t see it in her angry state, storming up the stairs to the second floor. It’s quieter up here, mostly. There’s a group in a side room playing spin the bottle, and people taking advantage of Heather’s parents’ bedroom, and the door to Heather’s room is closed. Lola bangs her closed fist on the nondescript door. 

“Who is it?” Heather’s voice, strained, rings out from the other side.

“I’m gonna be sick,” Lola whined through a lie, banging again. There’s scuffling on the other side, Heather hissing for whoever’s with her to go, to get out the window, anything. Lola smirks, “please, all the other bathrooms are -” and she fake gags, right as the door wrenches open to show Heather’s flustered face, hair a mess, scowling.

“What?”

“I’m lying,” Lola whispered, leaning against the doorframe, pushing down all her annoyance at Tommy and his asshole friends, and playing at being coy. Heather huffs an annoyed breath through her nose.

“I know,” she snaps, but lets Lola in anyways, and Lola automatically closes the door behind herself, leaning her back against it, watching Heather try and act casual, heading to her bed, “should I be jealous?” Lola smirks, and Heather shoots her a filthy look. Lola takes a long drink of the wine, and Heather’s expression turns from angry, to simply annoyed.

“Of course, of fucking course, you, the only asshole who actually knew about it-”

“Your mom can buy another one, it’s not like you’re not -”

“Don’t say it,” Heather warns, sitting on the edge of her bed, and Lola’s smile grows sly and amused. Heather’s gaze flicks to the door handle, “lock that.” 

“Yes, Princess,” Lola smirks, reaching over with her free hand, making quick work of locking the door.

“Do not,” Heather hisses at the pet name, and Lola pushes off the door, heading towards her, and offers her the bottle. Heather’s lips press into a thin line as the regards the drink she knows is completely illicit for a number of reasons, before taking it, and taking a drink - “fuck, how much of this have you had?”

In answer, Lola takes the bottle back and finishes it off. 

“You’re a pig and a thief,” Heather tells her, but Lola’s smile is all teeth.

“And you kicked out someone - a boy, I’m guessing - for this thieving pig,” Lola reminds her, placing the empty bottle carefully on the nightstand of her luxurious double bed. Heather turns scarlet.

“I thought you’d at least wait until eleven to find me,” she deflects, defensive at the truth in Lola’s words, to which Lola herself actually laughs, flopping back onto the bed, arms spread, two fingers hooking into the back waistband of Heather’s flirty, short skirt.

“The fact that I’m here at all is a miracle, Princess -”

“Don’t.”

“And you know you could have told me to throw up in the garden,” Lola points out. A moment of silence follows, she tugs at Heather’s waistband, and Heather follows the unspoken prompt, leaning back onto the bed.

“Boys don’t know what they’re doing,” she says, staring up at the ceiling, arms folded but feet still planted firmly on the floor, and Lola’s eyes go wide, delighted, twisting onto her side to look at Heather’s blushing face.

“I knew you liked me,” Lola teases, grinning sharp.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Heather scoffs, angling her head back to level a glare at Lola, after a beat, she reaches back, fingers nimble and cold but her grip on Lola’s jaw secure. She frowns at Lola’s lips, rubbing her thumb none too gently over the bottom lip, taking off the black lipstick painted there, staining her own thumb in the process. 

“Are you waiting for an invitation?” Heather prompts, frustrated, tone icy. Lola raises her eyebrows at the blonde's impatience.

“As you command, your highness,” Lola pushes herself up on her elbows, and off the bed, smirking in the face of Heather’s annoyance, before she scrubs at her mouth with the back of her hand, getting rid of the rest of her lipstick.

“I’ll be quick so you can get back to your boytoy,” Lola smirks up at Heather, kneeling between her knees, and in the next moment Heather’s legs clamp painfully tight around her head, bony knees pressing into her temples.

“If you tell fucking anyone I did anything other than get you water while you threw up in my bathroom, I will ruin your fucking life,” she spits, and Lola’s expression contorts into one of furious annoyance as she wrenches her head free, sitting back on her heels.

“As if I’d tell anyone; if you tell anyone, I’ll burn your fucking house down, do not test me on that,” she warns in return, before Heather relaxes and lays back, eyes back on the ceiling, waiting, “fucking pillow princess, I wish you’d get me a glass of water once in a while,” Lola muttered, leaning back in.

“Hey!” Heather objects, looking down, only to see the barely concealed fury smouldering in Lola’s eyes as she looks at Heather through her lashes. Lola orders her to shut up, presses a pointed kiss to her inner thigh, and Heather obeys without any more fuss.

All it took, in the beginning, was for Lola to confront Heather and ask why the fuck she couldn’t keep her eyes to herself during class, fully expecting a fight. It was after school, Lola had followed her into the bathroom after class as the school was emptying. Heather’s lip had curled, derisive, giving Lola a look like she was a bug beneath her shoe.

“You see something you fucking like?” Lola had snarled, ready to square up, chest puffed out, and Heather had rolled her eyes, scoffing about how Lola wasn’t even close to her type, before she’d realised what she’d said. 

Neither had known how to proceed in that moment, both terrified of how the other would react, Lola could see the sudden fear in Heather’s eyes at the admission. Very deliberately, Lola had relaxed her posture, looking Heather over with a new appreciation, and Heather had flushed under her gaze.

“I didn’t know it was like that,” Lola had smirked, gaze locking onto Heather’s. The blonde was embarrassed, furious at herself, “well if I ever become your type -” those seven words had changed everything. Immediately, Heather knew exactly what Lola had meant, that she wasn’t a threat in the way she’d feared, and that Lola was like her, in some way, in a way that was safe.

“You’re -?” Heather raised a single, perfect eyebrow at her.

“I don’t advertise it,” Lola said, voice flat, hands in her pockets and shoulders carefully relaxed, “don’t know, you know, who else is... like me.”

“Like you?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it here,” Lola had muttered, gaze flicking to the empty stalls, and Heather had given her a long, evaluative look, before stepping forward, apparently finding something she likes. 

Heather’s kind of pinning over a straight girl and none of the rest of the school has any idea she likes anything other than boys, and she’d like to keep it that way. No-one really cares about Lola the way they do about Heather, so they feel safe fooling around together at Heather’s under the guise of ‘studying’; they don’t really even like each other as people, it’s more mutually beneficial than anything else, but it’s kind of nice to have this understanding between them, free to be themselves without fear, even if it’s only for short amounts of time.

Now, at the party, when Lola goes to leave the room after all is said and done, hair checked in the mirror, lipstick reapplied neatly, Heather grabs her arm, quiet but no longer irritate in Lola’s presence, and Lola’s eyes go wide with question, but she too is silent. Heather steels herself, steps up to Lola, and then she’s got her fingers carding through Lola’s hair, and holding tight, and Lola lets herself be maneuverer, her head tipping and Heather’s lips on her neck. 

When Heather steps back, there’s the beginning of a hickey blooming on the juncture where Lola’s shoulder meets her throat, aching faintly, pleasantly, and her hands are soft on Heather’s hips, lips twitching into a smirk.

“You could have just said thank you,” Lola snorted, and Heather’s frowning, but it doesn’t seem to be specifically at Lola; she rolls her eyes. Lola presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, quick and chaste, and scrubs at the mark she leaves behind before Heather slaps her hand away and tells her to get out, though there’s no anger behind it. 

When Lola opens the door, she puts on a show of being a little more unsteady than she really was, and is surprised to see Nikki leaning against the wall a few feet away, chatting to Tommy, looking so carefully casual. Lola’s pretty sure she hears Nikki sigh something about needing to find a guitarist, but that’s the moment Tommy spots Lola. He tries to apologise for his friends, but Lola shrugs, letting the incident go easily.

And then Nikki’s eyes flick to hers, and he asks if she’s okay, and Tommy seems confused but Lola’s hit with a realization. She pulls back her act and tries not to smile too wide.

“I’m fine now, great actually, it’s sweet of you to care,” its absolutely and completely innocent, but she raises an eyebrow at him, as if asking how he knows that she was unwell. In lieu of response, Nikki stands to his full height, walks to the door, and knocks. Lola and Tommy watch, the former far more confused than the latter.

Heather opens the door wide, not a hair out of place, makeup immaculate and untouched, and tells Nikki to fuck off, swanning past him and down to the rest of her party. Nikki turns on Lola. 

“You couldn’t have thrown your guts up in a bush somewhere?” Nikki hissed, frustrated, and Lola does a great job at biting back her laughter, shaking her head and shrugging helplessly. 

“We’re you waiting out here that whole time?” Lola asks, and Nikki turns amusingly pink, stalking past her to the stairs, to which both Lola and Tommy followed, with Lola calling out a half-hearted apology, and Nikki telling her to shove it up her ass. 

gandhi said 'be the change you want to see in the world.' fuck that. be the trouble you want to see in the world.

“Don’t tell me you’re still mad about last night,” the morning after the party, or was it afternoon - midday after Heather’s party - Lola’s tying her red bandana around her head, hip leaning against the counter out the back by the fryer where Nikki was scowling at an order of fries that was bubbling away.

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, Lola,” Nikki snaps back, looking up at her, still frowning, and Lola’s smile widens, just a little. Nikki sighs, relenting, his voice dropping low, “I’m hungover as fuck, just piss off, can you?” But it doesn’t sound half as cruel as the words themselves imply, and Lola dips to press her cheek to his shoulder in a moment of affectionate familiarity before heading out to start serving customers. 

It’s almost one when Charlotte and that English kid, Razzle, walk in, with the tall, pretty ginger, Eileen, sans their usual extras, but they take their spot at their usual booth by the window, talking quietly but animatedly. 

“- the nerve on him! Hi, Lola,” Eileen’s practically vibrating with pent up, frustrated energy, greeting Lola with what Eileen probably assumed was a smile, but was still definitely a scowl.

“Everything alright here?” Lola asked, forcing her voice even brighter than she’d usually attempt, and Eileen’s gaze dropped to the menu, going quiet, brooding, while Charlotte sat up a little straighter and smiled, clearly not on such an intense wavelength as her friend.

“Everything’s just great; plotting Vince’s murder, kind of starving, the usual,” she shrugs, and Razzle, by her side, snorts a laugh.

“Good to see you survived the night, Honky Cat,” he adds in lieu of a greeting of his own, and Lola takes a moment to process all the information she’d just been exposed to.

“’course I did, I drank my weight in water between shots,” Lola smirks at Razzle, before her gaze slides to Charlotte, “and that’s very fair; I’d ask what he’s done now, but I think I’ll take care of your order first,” she grins amicably and pulls out her notepad and pen, as the three of them order their usual drinks and lunch preferences.

Lola heads back to the counter, calling out the order to the kitchen, taking another few order to their various destinations, before getting her friends’ drinks together to take them over.

“- home and didn’t even call, Razz, she didn’t even -” Eileen was still ranting by the time Lola deposits their drinks before them. Lola’s pretty sure she saw Razzle and Charlotte deliberately knocking knees beneath the table, but doesn’t think about it too hard. Nor does she dwell on the memory of seeing them at the party last night, of a gaggle of cheerleaders around talking to Razzle, though he just kept trying to talk to Charlotte. Later, she’d definitely seen them on the sofas, talking with Tommy and some of Charlotte’s other friends, leaning in to each other, Razzle’s arm around her shoulders, playing with the whispy ends of her hair. Lola hadn’t thought much of it at the time; she’d made out with Tommy at her first house party in the area, it hadn’t developed past friendship. 

It was cute, if it was anything. 

“Lola, you were there!” Eileen turned very suddenly, the moment her cup had been placed in front of her, and Lola’s eyebrows shot up, “did you see my sister last night?”

It feels like a trap, because yes, Lola definitely did, but also -

“Yes, why?” Lola asks, slowly, cocking a hip.

“They’re in the middle of a blue,” Razzle said, with a fond smile at Eileen’s carefully neutral expression, while she stirred her drink with intent.

“A fight,” Charlotte translated, “and Peach went to Heather’s last night, and got kind of shitfaced, and Vince took care of her, was really quite sweet, but she stayed with him because his place was closer and Peach refused to call Eileen.”

“She stayed with Vince?” Lola said carefully, trying not to imply she was jumping to conclusions, but Eileen’s stirring ceased in favour of vigorous drinking of the drink, obviously stuck on a similar train of thought.

“She slept on the couch,” Razzle filled in quickly, “was still there when I left, tucked in with a blanket, all above board.”

“And you didn’t know where she was -?” Lola frowns, confused.

“Vince called at three in the morning,” Eileen glowered out the window, voice low and even, “dad was mad until he was grateful; the man’s backbone is made of marshmallow fluff. She was meant to be home at one.”

“But she’s okay?”

“It’s the principle of the thing, Lola,” Eileen had said, giving Lola a look far older and longsuffering than her seventeen years. 

“If we brought in Vince’s heart, would your dad batter it up and fry it for Eileen to eat?” Charlotte asked, tone teasing and light, to which Eileen rolled her eyes, but at least it got her to smile, even a little. Even when Lola snorted a laugh and told her ‘absolutely not’.

Later, on their break, Lola and Nikki sit on the roof of the building and share a serve of chips that he’d overcooked, and a cigarette, and Lola asks about Vince. Turns out Nikki doesn’t know much; he hadn’t grown up with the rest of them, had moved to the neighbourhood near the start of high school, and all he really knows is that girls apparently think Vince’s dick developed some sort of Midas touch over Summer.

“Don’t get me wrong, he’s always been stupid pretty,” Nikki shoves a chip in his mouth before leaning back on his elbows, “far as I know, but you’ve seen his car, right? That fuck-off, expensive red one that sits in the teacher’s carpark, with the massive scratch in the paint along the left? Yeah that’s his; got it for his birthday last year and he’s been getting tail like nobody’s business ever since.” And Lola tries to process all this information before he’s barrelling right on ahead with, “speaking of; if you’re gonna nail Tommy, can you do it soon and put the poor kid out of his misery?”

“Excuse me?!” Lola had choked on her lungful of smoke, turning red at the suggestion.

“Yeah, poor kid was pretty convinced we were a thing and didn’t want to make a move; kinda stupid, but I dunno, admirable? Noble?” Nikki groaned through his words, laying back against the gravel of the roof, hand out for the cigarette. Lola passed it to him, glad he couldn’t see her vaguely guilty expression, knowing she’d slept with the girl he’d been hitting on the night before.

“Tommy has a thing for anything halfway pretty that’s not related to him, he’d be just as happy to boink any other girl,” Lola points out, and Nikki snorts a laugh in mild agreement, “and the only reason we’re not fucking is because you’re afraid my dad’s gonna rip of your arms like he’s the fucking Wampa from Star Wars.” She punctuates it by eating the last chip, laying out beside Nikki on the gravel, checking her watch. Five minutes before their break ends.

“Leo wouldn’t rip off my arms- I don’t think Leo would rip off my arms!” Nikki counters defensively, but that just has Lola laughing as she corrects -

“Sorry, no, your exact wording was ‘I don’t want your dad to Kali Ma my fucking heart like I’m that little bastard from Indiana Jones’,” Lola does an absolutely atrocious impersonation of Nikki, who’s laughing despite himself, “which you only took back because I told you he wasn’t Indian, and even if he was, it’s kind of a fucked thing to say,” Lola tells him pointedly, shifting onto her side, propping her head up on her hand as she smirked at Nikki. 

When Nikki looks at her, green eyes shining in the overcast, afternoon light, there’s something unreadable, teasing and soft all at once, like he’s entertaining an idea he’d considered unthinkable.

“I don’t think I could look Leo in the eye if I banged his daughter,” Nikki’s voice is soft and low, though he’s grinning wide, tone coy, eyes creasing in the corners, and Lola’s gaze flicks to his lips. 

“For Leo’s sake, then,” Lola matches his tone, corner of her mouth twitching into a sharp smirk when she finally looks back to his eyes, “and Tommy’s too,” she teases, pushing herself into a sitting position; she can hear it when he presses his head further into the gravel in exasperation, swearing under his breath. When Lola stands and smiles, the picture of innocence, she offers Nikki her hand to help him up; Nikki rolls his eyes, but is still smiling when he accepts.

“Your hair looks dorky like that,” Lola teases as she climbs down the fire escape.

“I know,” Nikki sighs, “but its better than getting hair in everyone’s food; I’m not gonna be the reason your dad fails a health inspection,” Nikki adds, a strange hint of protectiveness in his voice that warms Lola’s heart in a way she hadn’t anticipated.

“Don’t worry, Leo’s never failed a health inspection, he doesn’t intend to start any time soon.”

love is a dream someone else had last night.

Eileen and Razzle see fit to join their ragtag bunch of misfits at lunch the following Monday by the open gate and the science carpark, which Lola had been informed was the teachers’ carpark.

Lola doesn’t care who sits with them, except for the fact that she’d taken the leftover lemon merengue tart from the diner since it was being replaced with an apple crumble, and there was only enough for four. For the past week, Eileen’s been alternating sitting with them and sitting elsewhere, but she hadn’t been here last Monday, so Lola had assumed - anyways, now she’s worried she looks like a bitch, and not for an actual reasonable reason.

“What do you mean you almost got with Heather on Friday?!” Charlotte’s voice was somewhere between a horrified and disbelieving squeak where she was picking at the crust of the piece of tart she was sharing with Eileen. The lemon merengue debacle turned out to not be much of an issue, with Charlotte and Eileen sharing, and Tommy and Lola sharing too. Lola was incredibly focused on picking at a scab through the hole in the knee of her jeans.

“I mean I had my hand in her fucking panties when someone -” Nikki cast a very pointed look to Lola, “knocked on the door threatening to throw up, and I got shoved out a window,” Nikki played up being irritated, despite the fact that he was laying out on his side directly behind Lola, while she was leaning into him.

“You’re my hero,” Eileen told Lola, serious as ever, while Charlotte cackled with delight, and Razzle snickered from where he was touching up the left hand of Tommy’s sharpie-nails.

“You guys are a bunch of assholes,” Nikki huffed, shoving the remained or his own piece of tart into his mouth.

“I brought you food, show some fuckin’ respect,” Lola smirked despite herself, gently elbowing him in the ribs; he flicks her knee in retaliation.

“Absolutely not; you’re a cockblocking traitor and the worst friend I’ve got,” Nikki announced, nose in the air, and Lola leans all her weight back suddenly, tipping Nikki onto his back and laying heavy across his stomach as she demanded he take it back, the two of them getting into a petty squabbling match, shoving at each other while the others could only look on in exasperated amusement.

“I thought Heather had a boyfriend,” Eileen pipes up, to which Charlotte makes a a gentle ‘eh’ noise in the back of her throat.

“She’s getting laid,” Charlotte corrects with half a smirk, and everyone who was paying half attention understand easily. Tommy sighs, but it’s not nearly as dejected as he’s known for whenever the topic of girls he fancies being with other people comes up.

“Whatever, I got to second base with Pam that night, and no-one can take that away from me,” Tommy announces, watching Razzle finish off his pinkie.

“Good for you, man,” Razzle says, with his trademark sincerity. Eileen and Charlotte still can’t believe it happened, but unfortunately both Razzle and Vince had seen with their own two eyes and been able to confirm; Vince may be biased, but Charlotte trusted Razzle.

“Everyone got some fuckin’ action that night except for me,” Nikki whines, finally shoving himself off, “and the fuckin’ Vomit Comet over here,” he jerked his thumb to where Lola was righting herself; Lola flips him off in response. 

“I didn’t,” Eileen points out.

“You weren’t there,” Nikki rolls his eyes, “you don’t count.” 

Meanwhile Razzle and Charlotte had both gone very quiet, and very pink. However Lola, who had no patience for people trying to hide their somewhere-between-pining-and-sincere feelings from each other and from other people, instead turns her attention to Eileen as she’s sweeping her hair out of her face.

“Have things gotten any better with Peach?” She tried, tone hopeful, and Eileen’s expression barely changed, just the barest crease of a frown upon her forehead, though judging by the way Charlotte’s whole expression soured, things had not, in fact, gotten better.

“Came back on Saturday afternoon all sunny and smiley and mom was thrilled,” Eileen’s deadpan irritation really sold her exasperation at the whole situation, “that she was friends with Vince again, and she hasn’t said a word to me yet.” Eileen takes a deep breath, straightening up from where she’d been slouched without realizing, taking a deep breath, nose in the air as if rising above it all, “which is fine with me, because I have a ton of dialogue to learn and they want us off-book in a month.” 

This only sets them off fondly teasing the ever-unflappable Eileen, for her seemingly out of character choice to join the school’s musical, though they were all very proud of the fact that she scored the lead, even Nikki had voiced that he thought it was pretty cool. 

When Lola had asked about it, Eileen had made mention that it filled in a lot of free time, that it was something she could add to college applications, and that a friend had convinced her to do it; Keanu -

“I keep hearing that name around,” Lola muses, leaning back in her seat while they were waiting for their French teacher to arrive. Eileen raises her eyebrows, “is that the pretty, dark haired Senior?” Eileen, surprisingly, had flushed scarlet when nodding. Lola hummed thoughtfully, leaning back further until the front legs of her chair lifted from the ground; she hooked her feet around the legs of her desk as she contemplated.

“It’s a musical right?” Lola asked, and Eileen hummed in confirmation, “if you can sing, you know Nikki and Tommy are -”

“I’d rather eat an entire microphone,” Eileen responds flatly, already knowing what Lola was about to suggest before she’d even finished her sentence, and Lola really tries not to laugh, but she knows Eileen well enough by now that that response makes entirely too much sense.

“You make a fair -” and that’s when Lola’s grip on the table slips, her feet sliding quickly up the legs of the desk as she topples backwards, the momentum pulling the desk up with her legs and directly on top of her, winding her. At least it made Eileen laugh, mostly from shock, sure, but Lola counts it as a win.

----

@rnmmarchformeta​ Day 1: Tonight’s theme is: Themes

Malex and Music: Tracing a relationship through music used in the show - Part 1

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Given that both Michael and Alex have a personal connection to music, I wanted to go over some of the intricacies of what the music choices and lyrics/stories behind the songs used might tell us about Malex. The music choices in Roswell New Mexico are deliberate and often incredibly pointed. Particularly in the case of Michael and Alex there are elements of their relationship that are not so much underlined as written about only in the lyrical choices that play under their scenes. This choice for me made rewatching the series a lot of fun because as I discovered the lyrics to some of the more obscure song choices I kept discovering new intricacies and motivations for each of their decisions. Below the cut for length.

(Author’s note circa 2007:  (rawr xD) I’m focusing specifically on the parts of these songs that play over or in direct correlation to scenes where Michael and Alex are both present. I would love to explore this theme in the wider context of the whole show and how their interactions with other characters might change some of these but...this is already like 6k and that’s just how the peas and carrots cooked. That said I will be referencing other characters and relationships as relevant, particularly, I will be talking at some length about Milexa and the airstream scenes in 2x06. I personally have a favorable reading of the scenes and what they mean for Michael and Alex. I also talk briefly about Milexa in a few other spots - they’ve been marked as ‘Milexa’ or ‘Miluca’ if you wish to skip them, although I don’t know if this will make sense as a whole without them. But, should you wish. Proceed accordingly. <3)

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Posted on AO3 here.

Sedona - Houndstooth (1x01)

The first song we hear in relation to Malex is ‘Sedona’ by Houndstooth. The song plays during the reunion as we see Alex confront Michael about the chemicals found around his airstream. The verse that plays underneath the scene references how, due to its scenic beauty, the town of Sedona was once a highly sought after filming location but had fallen into obscurity when cowboy movies went out of style in the late 70′s.

Similarly, Alex tells Michael that he is ‘wasting his life.’

“Does the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old for you?”

“Did it get old for you?”

For me, this scene is as much an introduction to the past between these two as their present. Gone but not forgotten, their interactions are a ‘script’ that the two of them play off of. In other words, Michael and Alex don’t so much interact as play off of what the other expects from the other. This becomes especially clear when in 2x05 we learn that Alex has at least once before warned Michael about ‘wasting his life.’

When The Truth Hunts You Down - Sam Tinnesz (1x01)

The next scene is this one, in which we see Alex contemplating an old picture of himself. We then see Michael watching him.

Later, the last line is overlaid with Jesse telling Kyle about the existence of aliens.

The truth about Michael’s alienness is quiet literally hunting them, but so is something about Alex’s past. As we get to know him, we learn just how much his father is interconnected with all of the worst moments in his life and everrything he has buried and tried to run from in order to avoid it. Michael, Roswell itself - Alex ran halfway across the world to try to run away from the trauma of his youth, and yet here he is.

“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?”

“You know I thought when I got back from Iraq you would be long gone.”

“Is that what you want?”

“We’re not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.” 

We also find out something of the nature of his and Michael’s relationship and that there are clearly still feelings between them - no matter how much Alex is trying to deny it.

Give Me The Night - Des Rocs (1x02)

This is one of my personal faves from the Malex soundtracks. It just *slaps* okay?

Aside from the obvious nod to Michael’s alienness, this song underscores the divide still between Michael and Alex despite the passionate kiss they shared at the reunion. Michael is initially flirtatious and full of swagger - until Alex shuts him down.

The fallacy of Alex’s rebuke and his dismissal of the feelings behind the kiss are underscored by his refusal to even look Michael in the eye as they talk. Even if he tries to deny them, the truth of his feelings hunts and haunts him because he feels he can never act on his own desires. And in turn when presented with the about face, Michael turns bitter as the push-pull is reinitiated. Michael falls back to the script they’ve been rehashing to save his feelings - ‘puts on a show’ as it were, and Alex falls for it hook, line, and sinker. He is still unwilling or unable to see the truth that lies beneath the surface.

“Isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”

“A historical - oh you mean because the UFO crashed here? Yeah, we’re not supposed to build on Santa’s workshop either.”

For Michael, who at least to me was obviously hoping things would change this time around, this must feel like a bucket of cold water, especially in the face of Liz Ortecho’s knowledge and seeming easy acceptance of the aliens’ existence. While Max might get his happy ending, Michael is left to keep hiding from the person he loves, never being seen and wondering if Alex’s feelings are even real. 

Two Princes - Spin Doctors (1x02) (Miluca)

In rapid fire we have the next three songs as Michael and Alex spend some time at the Wild Pony. This verse plays under the interaction when Alex comes in the bar and spots Michael.

“Though he got kinda hot. In a ‘sex in a truck, smells like a river, never introduce him to your mama’ kind of way.”

“I hadn’t noticed.”

My boy. My child. My bluntest instrument in the tool kit. Has no one ever told Alex Manes that saying you hadn’t noticed an objectively hot guy is hot is basically code for ‘I haven’t stopped staring at him since I walked in and my brain is not functioning at a high enough level to mask that fact’? Son, please, this is a drunk Wendy’s.

(Also this is huge foreshadowing for Miluca - Michael and Maria don’t have sex *in* a truck but it’s pretty close, we find out later that Michael/the aliens smell like rain, and she tells him he’s not meeting her mother at one point. The angle of this shot is also, for me at least, a hint that Michael is going to become the object of these two ‘princes’ affections, at some point.)

Anyway this is basically poking fun at Alex Manes, repressed disaster, for having no clue what love is and trying to express his affection through like, everything except anything anyone would understand as romantic love. (And we will see this in the flashbacks as well as present day - that Alex mostly uses his station or advantages as a way to show the people he loves he loves them, rather than using words. When he offers Michael the shed, brings him the guitar, uses his military connections to find out about Michel’s mom, hacks into Maria’s computer...listen I got more.) But that isn’t enough, as we’re learning. If only there were some way Alex could also learn that lesson.

And seriously, “This one said he wants to buy you rockets?”

How’s It Going To Be? - Stephen Edwards (1x02)

“Is there really nobody in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save? Sad.”

Oh Isobel, if only you knew.

So, aside from returning the kiss Michael initiated at the reunion, Alex has soundly rejected every advance Michael has made for a relationship. Despite that Michael seems to have been harboring some hope that things might be different not that Alex is back more permanently. But now with Isobel bringing into question what he’s willing to sacrifice, I think he might be realizing that toll has been extremely steep already.

(Also truly obsessed with how both Alex and Michael have positioned themselves so that they can casually glance over at each other without arousing suspicion. *Boys*. It’s not that complicated what is this middle school?)

We know that Michael doesn’t like having to keep secrets, and again I have to wonder if he’s regretting not telling Alex he’s an alien, or wondering how that conversation would have gone.

From the previous scenes we can tell something in their relationship is coming to a head - maybe Michael is hoping it’s that he can finally stop keeping secrets from Alex and show Alex who he really is - that Alex will stop misreading him. That Alex will change.

But there is also the expectation that if that happens, Alex will likely leave again. Not just because that’s what Alex’s trauma makes him do, but also because that is how Michael frames all of his relationships. As ‘until you leaves’. He is shown to have a habit of catastrophizing because he doesn’t believe himself to ‘belong’ anywhere(HA) and this is one of those times we’re shown that.

Come With Me - Gold Star (1x02)

“Home can be a person.”

And here we have Alex “thinking about who he was” as Maria closes up the bar. Given where this scene leads with him and Michael, I think the rest of the lyrics to the song are incredibly poignant.

Tell me what were you dreaming? Tell me who were you trying to reach? Gimme something real to believe in Or gimme a reason to leave So i left her standing under shining stars in the Silver moonlight by old Borough Hall - whoever you are

We know that after this evening Alex attempts to rekindle his relationship with Michael, still thinking about who he was, and maybe for the first time trying not to run from what he wants. He’ll be unsuccessful this time, but it’s the first clue that Alex is attempting to break a pattern that has held him in place for ten years.

While he may have been misreading Michael’s stunted growth, we’re starting to see Alex contemplate change in himself. This is the start of Alex’s two season long journey to break out of the fortress he’s built around himself. To ‘put his weapons down’ in an effort to be with Michael.

(She lets her guard down on her way back//to close her eyes and fall asleep - “It was late....I was tired.”)

God of Wine - Third Eye Blind

So clearly the writers were like ‘how can we hurt Milo specifically’ because these lyrics are *so good* as we hear malex talk about the way they view their relationship for the first time in the show.

The music starts just as Michael picks up the old photographs, first of the pod squad, then of himself and Alex playing guitars in the desert. As he packs up the airstream to move it off Foster’s Ranch, Michael is also thinking about the past.

Throughout the series, we’re given a bunch of musical lines about how Michael and Alex can’t go back to what they were, that they have to move forward. And it’s true - as we’ll see over and over again the dynamic they’ve had has been incredibly unhealthy for both of them. But they also cannot avoid the other’s orbit. And when Alex comes to talk to Michael it’s the first time we see him actually decide to initiate - to try and take what he himself wants, rather than waiting or hiding from it. But it is also very much Alex falling back into the ‘madness that holds a truth he can’t erase’ of Michael’s really, very, super, incredibly obvious feelings for him. Our boy is not subtle.

But Alex is still hunted by the past - before we know his history we assume that when Alex references ‘who he was before he went to war’ he means Iraq. But Alex’s war is his father. As much as combat can absolutely be a traumatizing experience, for Alex I never really read that as his main source. As he’ll tell Forrest later - “My PTSD triggers are a little more complicated”.

And so when he tells Michael he’s been thinking about who he was “before he went to war” for me that’s more a callback to who he was before Jesse found the two of them in the toolshed. “When this started.”

As Michael tells him “From where I stand nothing’s changed”  the words “I know, I know, I know” repeat in the background because WE KNOW. We all know, except Alex.

“And that’s a problem for me, Guerin.”

And the siren’s song that is your madness

“Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen all over again.”

holds a truth I can’t erase

“- and I forget that the last ten years even happened. And then you look away and I remember all over again. And it almost kills me every time.”

All alone on your face

“I never look away. Not really.”

For Michael this is basically confirmation of what he’s been realizing over the last few days - that Alex has been totally misreading him and that yes, Michael, you’re going to have to use your words on this one. 

To which we see Alex’s brain 404-blue-screen for a minute as he realizes what Michael means. Which I personally really appreciate.

And especially since we’ve just learned that a lyric of this song was written on Rosa’s hand the night she died, I can’t believe it’s a coincidence in this being the song that plays underneath this scene - where Alex says he was thinking about who he was before. Everything changed that day for everyone - including Michael and Alex. Michael had gained a terrible secret he couldn’t share, that meant he changed his whole life and started needing to hide and lie and act out, and Alex - not knowing the truth - assumed that it was Michael’s way of trying to push him away and end the relationship. Which leads to the decades long miscommunication of Alex seeing Michael do that over and over again.

For the last ten years, Alex has been seeing Michael as the boy who looks away, then looks back. A Michael whose focus shifts to and away from him and who he sees as wasting his life; directionless and aimless. But as he realizes what Michael is saying he has to recalibrate everything he’s thought their relationship is.

This is possibly the first time Alex has realized that his view of Michael has been wrong. That he really doesn’t know Michael at all.

And we know this interaction has a profound impact on Alex in terms of how he views their relationship. I feel like this is one of those things that becomes a mantra for Alex, later down the line. He repeats it to Michael at Caulfield, and in his song as well, “You never looked away, now I won’t look away” to express his commitment to breaking down the walls he has built up for himself. 

Even though we know the relationship is doomed at this point, it’s the first time a stone falls from the walls Alex has built around himself in a decade.

Here - Chance Peña - 1x03 (Alternate title: “Home”)

Okay I would like to petition to make it illegal to have unreleased songs in episodes, Chance Peña help a bitch out. I had to watch a *fish show* to hear the full lyrics because they’re edited in the show! ( I will also note the next lyric is ‘goodbye, my dear’ which. rude.)

Anyway, we’re given these lyrics as Michael wakes up to seeing Alex has stayed the night. I took the editing, with the previous song choices, to be a reaffirmation of this being something new to Alex, but not necessarily to Michael. Michael knows what he wants from a relationship with Alex - even if he’s put the hope aside from time to time the want is always clear.

For Alex though, a relationship with Michael is something that scares him because of his fear that it can be taken away. (”I just thought that I could be happy, and not be afraid that if I loved anything my dad would destroy it.”) He is trying to make it work - “drawing near” to Michael - but he knows that in order to do that he is going to need to be uncomfortable. To face the fears that have held him back and kept him in comfortable limbo for so long.

I’m also going to flail about how, while RNM has the song listed as ‘Here’, the producer of the other show(Battlefish) identified the song as ‘Home’. I hope I don’t have to yell at y’all, other Roswell New Mexico fans, about how often that word has snuck up on me and knifed me in the back regarding malex. Especially since Alex *is* currently - well, here. With his home. Kill me please it would be kinder.

But then of course we see the old insecurities pop up again as Isobel arrives. Even if he is trying - Alex is nowhere near ready to jump out of the closet yet.

Fast Aint Good Enough - Inkwell Echo (1x06)

I debated adding this one because it’s a little bit reachy, but I thought it was significant in that even when they were seventeen, the thing Alex is ‘afraid of’ is his feelings for Michael - not necessarily of being gay but of what people like Kyle and his father do with information like that.

Wish I’d found the words when we were seventeen-

Kyle asks

“What are you so afraid of?”

-just as Alex catches sight of Michael.

(“I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. It felt good.”)

Aside from Alex’s general need to protect Michael in any and all situations, I feel like the lyrics of this song - about the singer’s attempt to leave an abusive relationship - underscore that even before the toolshed, Alex was fighting. Even before the toolshed, he has been fighting to this cycle he is trapped in.

While he and Michael build their relationship he starts thinking seriously about leaving and not just surviving but he will ultimately choose to trap himself for years in order to hide his love for Michael.

Like so many gay kids, Alex is fighting a system that deems him guilty of sin - and takes his fighting back as a sign of his guilt. And in order to actually be able to love Michael, he is going to have to figure out how to put down the weapons and the hurt and break the cycle.

First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes (1x06)

Are they serious right now I swear to god.

So obviously, we’ve got the origins for everything we’re told about Michael and Alex’s lives changing based on their feelings for each other in like two and a half verses of song. Forget the entire second season we have everything we need right here.

“It was the first time I liked our hometown, though.”

-

“Alex made me believe there was a place for me here.”

We know that for both of them this is really a moment of self discovery as much as it is a discovery about each other. 

For Michael in particular, who doesn’t know why he’s here or who he really is, and who previously had no plans besides leaving the planet, this is the moment that he realizes what he wants - to be with Alex.

And for Alex, to me, this moment is a brief glimpse into what his life could be like. We don’t have any confirmation if Michael is his first kiss with a boy or not, but we do know that this moment is significant in that it’s the first that makes Roswell feel like a place he enjoys being.

And as he is realizing that, the lyrics echo it -

But I realized that I need you // And I wondered if I could come home

(Screeching from the background: WOULD YOU COME HOME)

But of course, as the song says, these things take forever because...well....

(It’s because Alex is dumb. My poor dumb emotionally stunted child. Please go to therapy.)

In essence, this is the moment that sets Michael and Alex on their entwined path. The path that Alex will have to fight to get back to - the path Michael will lose faith in before he later starts to regain the hope that it exists. I also like to think about the link between the last lines:

Remember the time you drove all night // Just to meet me in the morning?

and the line from ‘Would You Come Home’

Would you meet me in the middle // Could we both stop keeping score?

I like to think about the parallel here, about meeting people where they’re at, and the love and care and effort it takes to be willing to drive all night to meet someone. Listen a bitch is soft and gay don’t look at me.

You Can’t Love Me - Novi & Tyler Blackburn (1x12)

(*Whispers and rocks back and forth* this is fine it’s all fine)

Once again we have a song whose lyrics give us a tailor made road map to Malex, and will pop up later in ‘Would You Come Home’. We’ve already seen the implosion of the way Michael and Alex have been orbiting each other for a decade, but now that Alex knows the truth, he actually has the ability to understand Michael in ways he hasn’t been able to before. (Something we’ll see later in Season 2 when he talks with Maria.)

And because of that, we see the true beginning of the journey of Michael and Alex back to one another in a healthier way.

But part of that journey is going to be realizing that what they’ve been doing and the way they have loved each other in the past isn’t sustainable - and maybe isn’t even the way they want to love each other.

“They’re my family, Alex!”

“Alright, maybe! But you are mine. I don’t look away, Guerin.”

“No. We’ve been holding onto this thing. And it’s gotten us nowhere. Just let it go.”

Even though the words are said in anger, there is some truth to what Michael says. Their relationship so far hasn’t been a good one. Where Alex is trying to repeat the words that Michael said to him that made such an impact on him, Michael is (well, a, trying to save his dumb boyfriend from getting flambayed) using the opportunity to reveal how little faith he has in their relationship. To say that no, this doesn’t feel like love.

But as much as the song lyrics are about loving someone who isn’t good for you, they’re also about changing and growing, and about a commitment to be better.

(Sound familiar? Brb, I’m gonna go jump off a cliff.)

Love is messy, and especially for Michael and Alex, love has always been something that hurts. “Home is where the hurt is” - and a really important part of their journey is realizing that, and realizing there is a different way of loving each other.

Additionally for Alex, this is when he starts to realize the full extent of his family’s involvement in hunting and hurting Michael’s family. It isn’t just his dad - his entire family line has been involved in this since before Alex was born. And still is. This is really where he starts realizing the roots of the guilt and shame he’s going to have to deal with in order to be anything to Michael - not even a partner but a friend.

This is the first step in that journey. Not just the commitment that yes - I want to build a home for you - but that first, I don’t know, maybe I need to put down these weapons and pick up a different set of tools?

ON TO SEASON TWO

Say One Thing, Mean Another (Kaidou Shun/Saiki Kusuo)

Summary: 

Reading thoughts and reading feelings were two completely different abilities. Most people had a monologue always running in their heads, conveniently narrating their every experience. Call it spotlight effect, call it middle school syndrome, call it romanticization—whatever you called it, Saiki would know, because he could simply read your mind. But some desires were so unconscious that even Saiki couldn’t read them.

No one was more repressed than the self-deluded cram school mama’s boy: Kaidou Shun.

AO3 link: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28999770

Read below 

Reading thoughts and reading feelings were two completely different abilities. Most people had a monologue always running in their heads, conveniently narrating their every experience. Call it spotlight effect, call it middle school syndrome, call it romanticization—whatever you called it, Saiki would know, because he could simply read your mind. But some desires were so unconscious that even Saiki couldn’t read them. 

No one was more repressed than the self-deluded cram school mama’s boy: Kaidou Shun. Kaidou thought “first base” was holding hands, and even that thought reduced him into a blushing, stuttering, face-hiding mess. He couldn’t even access objective reality half the time, much less access his deepest feelings. Saiki couldn’t even imagine how Kaidou might handle such overwhelming emotions, given how easily at the slightest of confrontations. He once saw Kaidou cry at a convenience store because he couldn’t decide between two compelling brands of instant noodles (Best around or best in town? Around? In town? Around? In town? Aroundintownaroundintownaroundintown...) Needless to say, Kaidou was the most likely candidate to be hiding a dark secret. 

None of that Dark Reunion fantasy bullshit. Saiki meant a real dark secret, the kind of revelation that could make a mute man gasp. Just because Kaidou cried when someone tried to tell him a “yo mama” joke doesn’t mean he can’t hide his feelings when it mattered the most. Growing up with a strict mother ruined his values for honesty. Kaidou’s lying was almost on a pathological level, with boundless creativity that showed in the character sheet journals hidden under his bed. He was sometimes so good he fooled himself, but glimmers of the truth shone through in unexpected moments. 

It started with a fit of laughter in their lunchtime group. Nendou swore he could handle chopsticks up his nose with enough dexterity to pick up a cherry tomato. Admittedly, he almost succeeded, but Aren flinched away in disgust because he didn’t want to have his lunch contaminated by Nendou’s nose-chopsticks, and the sudden movement accidentally led to Aren’s elbow shoving one of Nendou’s nose-chopsticks too far up, which then caused a ridiculous-looking nosebleed down the chopsticks and into Nendou’s rice. 

Saiki’s first thought was ew, but then he caught a quick glance from Kaidou while he was bursting into tears laughing, and suddenly, he couldn’t stop himself from exercising the stiff muscles around his lips into a smile. Kaidou was checking if Saiki thought it was funny, too, as if he needed permission to continue laughing. Saiki didn’t care about pride and certainly didn’t prescribe to any notions of toxic masculinity, but the thought of being the alpha male with Kaidou gave him a good feeling. A feeling that just felt… good. 

Saiki still couldn’t read feelings well, not even his own, but he had a strong sense for logic. Kaidou was smaller, weaker, with a kind of reckless yet innocent boyish charm that made him hard to look away from at times. Anyone’s instincts would tell them that Kaidou must be protected at all costs and Saiki, with all of his godlike abilities, was obviously the most qualified person to protect him. 

Again, Saiki was bad with unconscious desires. He found himself following that instinct to protect Kaidou in the smallest of moments. Although Saiki protected all of his friends (and humanity) from danger, even Nendou started noticing Saiki’s special treatment of Kaidou. 

“Th-Th-The hellfire th-that the Dark Reunion has c-c-cursed me with a-a-always keeps me w-warm,” Kaidou bluffed, on an especially frigid winter day. 

What he meant was that the puffy pink jacket his mom tried to send him to school with was too embarrassing, so he lied and told her the weather was supposed to be warmer later. Honestly, Saiki didn’t even need his clairvoyance to predict that. He immediately shoved the extra coat he brought to school at Kaidou. Kaidou got sick too easily, especially with the long nights he spent studying and the longer nights he spent writing fanfictions. Saiki even pre-heated the coat with his pyrokinesis. 

“E-Eh? That’s for me, Saiki?” In hindsight, Kaidou was a little too eager to accept Saiki’s coat and he must have definitely sniffed it to see if Saiki’s scent was on it while he thought nobody was looking. “Ah, it’s so warm!” All talk of the Dark Reunion was dropped. Kaidou beamed at Saiki brightly. “Thank you, Saiki!” 

The pure look of elation in Kaidou’s crimson eyes as he smiled at Saiki, just Saiki, specifically Saiki, gave him that good feeling again. 

Nendou glanced between the two. “You brought that extra coat just for him?” 

“That’s just because—” Aren started, but then stopped. “Huh. Nendou’s right. That is very considerate of you, Saiki.” 

Saiki didn’t usually slip up and cause himself unnecessary attention, but he brushed it off and convinced himself he was only acting in self-interest. Seriously, it would be a pain if he had to put up with Kaidou calling him in the middle of the night to complain about his symptoms. Kaidou always called him at odd hours of the night, usually to spew some cryptic warnings about lurking enemies, and every time, Saiki delayed his sweet REM cycle just to placate him. It made no sense to call a mute man. (But it made even less sense that Saiki always picked up.)

“Saiki is always reliable,” Kaidou argued. “That’s why, when the Dark Reunion strikes back—” 

Then, Kaidou proceeded to plagiarize the plot of the Star Wars episode “The Empire Strikes Back”. Saiki was too busy watching the self-insert adventure inside Kaidou’s mind to question the extent of his admiration of Saiki. Out of everyone, Kaidou’s thoughts were the most interesting to read. Kaidou’s imagination came in full technicolor, with exciting camera angles and cinematography professional enough to be entered in film festivals. When there was nothing good on TV, Saiki sometimes tuned into Kaidou’s thoughts for entertainment. Kaidou managed to distract everyone else from Saiki’s strange favor, too. 

Saiki should have realized earlier how powerful Kaidou’s redirection was, effective enough to rival Chouno’s magic tricks. Kaidou was easy to underestimate, but the sheer amount of lies he told on a daily basis was proof of his true manipulative nature. 

No, “manipulative” was overshooting it. Kaidou was just conditioned by his social anxiety to lie in everyday situations to preserve his self-image. Saiki knew that struggle better than anyone else, just in the opposite direction: dedicating his life to feigning normalcy. Yet, even though Saiki was the one who regularly erased memories, time traveled, and rewrote reality to maintain the status quo, Kaidou was still the one who went overboard in comparison. 

Saiki and Kaidou were walking home together one day, just the two of them, because Aren usually took another way home and Nendou had baseball practice. Kaidou was filling Saiki in about the latest addition to the Dark Reunion saga, complete with a mini movie in his mind to accompany his narration: Kaidou had tamed a wild beast that was terrorizing a small village, which later warmed up enough to become his consort, but the beast had been mind-controlled by the Dark Reunion the entire time as a spy to figure out Kaidou’s whereabouts, which then led to Kaidou breaking the beast free from its mind control using his own forbidden knowledge of the dark arts and returning the beast into the wild. 

In reality, the “beast” was a chihuahua that was bothering a kid, but then started following Kaidou home. Kaidou wanted to keep the chihuahua, but his mother said no, because the chihuahua probably belonged to someone else, even though it had no collar. He had to kick the chihuahua out of his house in hopes that the small dog would eventually find its way home. Saiki was sure the entire mind control fabrication was some type of coping mechanism to help Kaidou feel less guilty about kicking the dog out onto the cold streets. 

Then, Kaidou’s knuckles accidentally brushed against Saiki’s and Kaidou’s internal alarm rang loudly in both of their minds: 

Wrong! Bad! Stupid! Just ignore it, just ignore it, just ignore it!

Kaidou was screaming so loudly in his mind that Saiki instinctively covered his ears, even though there was no external sound to cover his ears from. All of Kaidou’s thoughts had instantaneously spiralled into a frenzy of self-loathing, overwhelming to the point that Saiki couldn’t even decipher what exactly Kaidou was ashamed of. The situation caught him so off-guard that he ended up doing what any normal non-psychic person would do—he asked Kaidou what was wrong. With telepathy, of course. It was easy to get away with using telepathy for conversation since Kaidou was too ashamed to look at Saiki at that moment. 

“N-Nothing’s wrong!” Kaidou’s blushing face said otherwise and he knew it. He suddenly stopped in his tracks. “No… I can’t lie to you any longer, Saiki. You deserve better than that. The truth is—” 

And then Kaidou told another lie, this time centering around a growing imbalance between light and dark forces of the universe that, according to an ancient prophecy, only Kaidou could heal with the great power sealed away in his right hand that he still had yet to fully control. He went into full detail about the brutal training he endured, the battles of wit against his enemies, the secrets he had to keep from his loved ones to protect them from evil—all of which ironically described Saiki’s life more than Kaidou’s—and how lonely it was carrying such burdens, as heavy as the world on Atlas’ shoulders. The vivid montage played in Kaidou’s mind, returning his mental space to its usual deluded state. As usual, Kaidou went overboard with preserving his self-image. 

Good grief…

Saiki kept walking and Kaidou had to run to catch up and everything was back to its usual rhythm, with Kaidou’s behavior matching his thoughts again. That was another weakness of Saiki’s. He was so insistent on keeping his boring life boring that he overlooked something important. 

Kaidou never actually admitted what was bothering him. 

Daniel Kahneman said, “When faced with a difficult question, we often answer an easier one instead, usually without noticing the substitution.” Saiki asked Kaidou, “What’s wrong?” but accepted the answer to “What’s your made-up hero’s burden?” without noticing the substitution. Saiki wanted to protect Kaidou, but he couldn’t cross any boundaries. What if Kaidou was put off by Saiki’s insistence and gossiped about how pushy Saiki was? What if Kaidou took it the wrong way and it caused a falling out between them? What if Kaidou just started crying and all the passersby assumed Saiki had just said something awful to his own friend? There were too many risks. If Kaidou refused to think about what was bothering him, then Saiki just wouldn’t know. 

It was better that way. Kaidou had a right to his privacy, which was limited enough by Saiki’s mind reading. Saiki didn’t have a right to any of it—Kaido’s thoughts, Kaido’s secrets, and especially Kaido’s friendship. He was sure Kaido would’ve been better off without a killjoy mute friend that constantly invaded the personal thoughts of everyone around him. The less they knew about each other’s lives, the easier life would be. It was a simple formula that guaranteed success. 

If only life were actually that simple. The only law Saiki’s universe followed was Murphy’s Law. 

Kaidou’s screaming thoughts started coming more frequently and it was always Saiki that set it off. When their eyes met from across the cafeteria, when they were the last ones awake during a late night group study session, when they reached for the same cafeteria item at the same time—screaming. Kaidou was getting better at not letting it show on the outside, but that only made the self-loathing episodes louder and longer. And still, even with psychic powers, Saiki had no idea why exactly Kaidou was in so much anguish when he was near. All he knew was that it was getting worse. 

Saiki was a psychic, not a psychologist. He had to use his logic for situations like this. Kaidou felt awful around him and Saiki didn’t want Kaidou to feel awful, so obviously Saiki just had to avoid Kaidou to resolve the issue. 

So, he did. He didn’t want to. He wanted to share an umbrella with Kaidou when he left his at home on purpose to avoid being made fun of for using his mom’s frilly, pinky parasol with roses, he wanted to answer Kaidou’s phone calls at 2 AM to comfort him after his recurring nightmare of drowning in the ocean, he wanted to proofread Kaidou’s fanfiction for any grammar or plot holes, he wanted to part the clouds and let the golden sunshine follow Kaidou’s every step so he never had to complain about gloomy days, he wanted to be there for Kaidou—of course he did! He didn’t know why, and he didn’t care to know why, because he just did and couldn’t because the most important thing he had to do was to protect Kaidou. He would gladly transfer schools to Siberia if it meant Kaidou could be happy and that’s all that mattered. 

Of course, things never went Saiki’s way for too long. Kaidou came ringing at his front gate not too long after Saiki started avoiding him. Mikoto would say it’s all a balancing act, making up for Saiki’s intervention by having it all come back to bite him in the butt—strangely reminiscent of what Kaidou previously mentioned about the imbalance of light and dark. It made Saiki wonder if there had always been grains of truth in the lies. 

He let Kaidou in and led him to his room. Even now, he could hear the tumultuous chaos in Kaidou’s mind. 

I shouldn’t be here! This is stupid! I’m so awful! 

Saiki internally sighed. Why are you here, then? Good grief. 

Saiki sat on his bed and waited for Kaidou to conjure up whatever nonsense he thought could justify his visit. He was already used to people’s actions not aligning with their thoughts. This was no different. 

I should tell him, already. 

Instead, Kaidou became fixated on the first distraction that caught his eyes. “Geez! It’s so dark in here, Saiki! You’ll get vitamin D deficiency if you just spend all day in the dark, you know.” He opened the blinds. 

I need to stop stalling and tell him, already. 

Opening the blinds ended up spreading dust everywhere. Kaidou sneezed. “When was the last time you cleaned, Saiki? It’s so dusty!” 

Why am I stalling even more! I really need to get it over with and tell him that… Or maybe it’s better not to tell him? 

The suspense was killing Saiki. He knew he wasn’t entitled to Kaidou’s thoughts, but he was so used to knowing everything about everyone that he couldn’t handle the suspense anymore. Why couldn’t Kaidou trust the safety of his own mind to directly think about what he wanted to say? It made no sense! Nothing made sense, anymore! Good grief, tell me WHAT? 

“What?” 

Oops. Saiki accidentally sent that thought telepathically in frustration. 

Tell me what your day was like, I mean. 

“Oh. Um…” Kaidou sat down next to Saiki. But not too close. “Nothing really happened, actually.” 

That’s a first. 

“Can I tell you a story, though?” 

Saiki hoped it wasn’t another plagiarized episode of Star Wars. Go ahead. 

“So, I have this friend, with a problem…” 

Saiki wondered why Kaidou wouldn’t refer to the friend by name, given they had the exact same circle of friends, but Kaidou was too busy admiring the particles of dust glimmering in the rectangles of sunlight filtering through the blinds. He compared the dust particles to the yellow glow of fireflies dancing in a forest, then to the twinkling stars against violet-blue cosmos, then to the grains of sand slipping through an hourglass. He thought of the various colored pieces that made up the image in stained glass windows and the tiny paint dots in Impressionist paintings and the fact that everything was just a collection of the same subatomic particles under a powerful enough microscope. He felt small. Too small to say what he means. 

“... This friend is scared all the time. Maybe he’s just used to being scared because his mom always yells at him for the slightest of mistakes and has high expectations he can never reach. He doesn’t know, and neither do I, but that fear keeps leaking into everything he does. Like an inky black stain, blotting out everything until there’s nothing left. There’s just—so much ink.” 

Kaidou’s fists are clenched at his sides. Saiki knew this story about Kaidou’s friend must pain him to tell, but still, Kaidou’s thoughts betrayed nothing. Kaidou was thinking of how much warmer the room was with the sunlight pouring in. He thought of temperature like mercury, pouring into the room through a crack in the window, silvery-white liquid with shiny ripples that poisoned everything in contact, suffocating them in metallic vapors. 

“But, when this friend is around a certain friend, he feels like everything is bright again. It’s such a precarious feeling though, because getting closer to that brightness also puts the ink closer. It makes him think that him and the ink are the same and that anything good he touches will only get stained.” 

Kaidou blinked away wetness on his lashes. He briefly acknowledged the dull ache of his heart wrenching, but only as a passing thought as he reminisced at the last time he was alone with Saiki in his room, which was after a festival, then went on to recall the fireworks. Crimson bursts of chrysanthemums popped into the night sky, golden sparkles crackling below, then streams of white and orange whistled. The smell of gunpowder and sulfur mixed in with the aroma of fried food from the concessions. 

He remembered how loud the fireworks were, deep booms that resonated into his chest, louder than the pounding of his heart as he stole a glance at Saiki. He loved watching the different colors of light flash onto Saiki’s expression, a rare look of serenity, but the moment was too brief. Saiki could always tell when he was being looked at, even from far away, almost as if he were actually psychic, and every time, Saiki would look him right in the eyes and smile like he knew exactly what Kaidou was thinking, then purposefully look away again so Kaidou could resume staring in peace. That was the beautiful brightness Kaidou was enchanted by. 

Saiki was used to seeing a glamorized distortion of himself in the mind’s eye of people who had a crush on him, complete with shoujo sparkles and iridescent bubbles and blooming roses in the background, but Kaidou’s perspective was unfiltered. Kaidou saw Saiki exactly the way he existed in his life and that was already enough to make his heart skip a beat, no romanticized fantasies needed. 

“My friend’s problem is that he’s selfish. He wants to be with that precious friend, who makes everything fade to white. He wants to ruin everything, just for those few milliseconds of happiness. I guess, what I want to say is…” 

Kaidou’s thoughts suddenly went silent. Saiki wondered if he had lost his powers, somehow. The usual background noise of every thought within a 200 meter radius was hushed, as if he had just slipped on his geranium ring. All he could hear was the rustle of fabric bunching up in Kaidou’s fists and his own pounding heart. 

“What I mean is—do you think it’s worth it? Should he ruin that friendship?” 

Saiki understood everything, now. 

Is he scared?

“Always.” 

Then, I don’t think he should. 

“You’re right...” 

Saiki’s hand brushed against Kaidou’s, except this time, it was on purpose. He clasped his hand over Kaidou’s. 

I’ll ruin it for him. 

Saiki brushed a tear away from Kaidou’s cheek. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling fondly. He usually avoided prolonged eye contact at all times so he could get away with telepathic conversation, but Kaidou had always been hard to look away from. That was a cute expression he had on his face, right now—warmed by a blush, with those shining red eyes peering up at Saiki under his long lashes. 

Saiki met his lips with Kaidou’s, fingers interlaced. It was just a gentle first kiss—sweeter than coffee jelly, warmer than pyrokinesis, softer than Saiki’s bed. Kaidou melted into the kiss and could only think of how the milliseconds passed like centuries, like he was an immortal witnessing several lifetimes of glory. Their friendship was ruined, but their romance had only started. 

They eventually had to part, for air. Saiki looked straight into Kaidou’s gaze. He couldn’t get out of using his real voice, but he didn’t mind.

“What I mean is... I like you.” 

Of course, Kaidou broke into a sobbing mess right then and there. It didn’t take a psychic to predict that. 

“I like you too, Saiki!” 

makoharu story: day off

(based on the new art) imagine haru calls makoto one evening. m: ah, i was just about to call to ask if you want to hang out tomorrow, since it's our day off. h: i was calling for the same reason. m: (laughs) then i guess the answer is yes. there's this place tono-kun told me about. h: a cafe? m: it's a cafe where you can also play board games, darts, pool— h: pool? m: (laughs) like billiards. h: oh. m: it's for socializing, but i don't think people will be there early. h: ok. it doesn't really sound that interesting to haru, but he'll go if makoto wants to. m: was there somewhere you wanted to go? h: there's a new coral reef exhibit at the aquarium. m: ok! we could do that first and then the other place for lunch. h: sure. m: i'll meet you at your place in the morning. h: around 11? m: got it! see you then, haru. h: see you.

the next morning, they meet as planned and have a good time at the aquarium. haru was completely captivated by the colorful fish, and makoto couldn't stop himself from taking a lot of pictures of haru happily watching them. >>🐟 aquarium details 🐠<< on the train ride, makoto pulls up the cafe's menu so they can decide what to order for lunch. when they arrive, they're in awe of how nice it looks. soft sunlight shines in, illuminating everything with a gentle glow. it gives a relaxing and refreshing feel to the place. m: it seems we're the only ones here. h: mm. just us and... plants. m: (laughs) there are a lot. i wonder if they sell any. h: you don't need more. m: i'd like to get a big one for the balcony. h: just take one. they won't notice. m: (laughs) you're going to get us kicked out. h: should we order our food? m: i’ll do that. you can sit down. h: you don’t have to get mine... m: it’s fine! i kind of dragged you here. mackerel confit, right? h: right. m: ok, i'll meet you at the table. haru takes a seat near the pool table as an older couple walks in. the woman sits down at a small table next to the window, while the man grabs a jigsaw puzzle from the shelf. haru gets the impression that they must come here often, and he smiles while trying not to watch too intently. makoto soon returns holding bubble tea and a coffee cup. m: i asked and they said they only sell little succulents. h: like the ones on your desk? m: mm. why are you looking at me funny? h: bubble tea. is that why you wanted to come here? m: (laughs) well it was one of the factors. try your coffee. h: why are you being pushy? m: no reason! go ahead. h: suspicious. what is it? m: a new flavor they have. haru takes a sip. m: pumpkin spice. h: it’s good. what flavor did you get? m: pumpkin spice. h: popular flavor. m: (laughs) it is. do you want to try playing pool while we wait? h: you know how? m: there’s a place close to campus i’ve been to a couple times after class. i’ll teach you! h: oh, ok. makoto grabs a pool stick and hands one to haru. m: so to start, i’ll break, and then we’ll go from there. he positions the cue ball and leans down to take the shot but hits it too lightly, and the ball barely moves. m: ah... i’ll try again. h: is that allowed? m: (laughs) i think it's ok for new players. makoto hits it harder this time. the balls scatter, and haru stares a little too long at makoto's face that's beaming with pride. m: ah! one of them went in! h: (smiles) good job. m: oh, thanks. makoto blushes and rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed to be praised so blatantly by haru. h: i mean, nothing went flying off the table. yet. m: (laughs) i know my own strength! h: we'll see. makoto bends over to take another shot and successfully hits the blue #10 into the side pocket. this time, he doesn't react. haru can't help but marvel at how professional he suddenly looks. even though it's just a friendly game, he's become incredibly serious and focused. makoto puts his hand on his chin and ponders, thinking before taking another shot. this one is unsuccessful. m: ah, your turn. since i'm stripes, you're solids. h: maybe i wanted stripes. m: (laughs) it's too late for that! h: if i lose, that's why. m: (laughs) fair enough. haru smiles and spots what should be an easy shot. he tries to mimic how makoto was shooting, but it feels unusual enough that it can't be right. how does he place his hand on the table? how hard does he hit? why is he so nervous?! m: are you trying for the purple one? h: mm. makoto steps around to haru's left side and bends down beside him, as if he were about to take the shot himself. haru tightens his grip on the pool stick when he feels makoto reach over his back to set his own hand right behind haru's. m: hold it kind of loosely. h: r-right. m: and your other hand can go like this. makoto gently pulls haru's left hand over a little, positioning it behind the cue ball. he moves the tip of the pool stick to demonstrate how it glides over the top. m: (blushes) see? your hand makes a bridge. h: (blushes) got it. makoto folds his arms on the table and continues to lean down next to haru. haru exhales, and in an act of utter stupidity, he makes the mistake of glancing at makoto. his face is so close! and he looks so cute!! haru can tell he's sincerely hoping the ball makes it in. determined to elicit a proud smile and perhaps a congratulatory high five, haru returns his focus and— SHIT. somehow the cue ball jumps into the air and flies off the table. too much determination! h: s-sorry! makoto quickly fetches the ball, placing it back where it was. m: (smiles) i guess you don't know your own strength. haru can't conceal his smile at the playful jab. h: shut up. m: it was actually a good shot. h: it obviously wasn't. m: (laughs) no, really! just flatten your hand a little, and use less of an angle this time. haru sighs, frustrated, and bends down again to line up the shot. he does as makoto suggested. the ball he was aiming for just barely misses the pocket. m: ah, so close! h: did you set that up for me? m: what? h: your shot before. it didn't even come close to hitting anything. m: (laughs nervously) just a coincidence. h: i see. well, it's your turn again. m: oh, right. makoto surveys the table, pausing, thinking, planning. the intensity in his face shows that he's not holding back at all, and it makes haru's heart beat rapidly. the view from where haru stands is perfection. he doesn't want to take his eyes off of him, but he must, just for a second, so that he can take advantage of makoto's focus. he turns and quickly grabs his phone without being noticed and takes a picture as makoto leans down. he hopes the camera was able to capture not only makoto's resolve, but also the way his shirt hangs from his chest, the slightest narrowing of his eyes, and the small twitch of his forearm muscles. maybe that's asking too much. he'd be better off just hoping it's not blurry. really, a video would have been better. then he'd also have makoto's small satisfied smile when he makes the shot feeling haru's gaze, makoto looks up and sees him smiling. m: what? h: nothing. m: (smiles) what is it? h: you're a... what do they call it? pool shark. m: (laughs) shut up, i'm not that good. i haven't played much. h: you keep saying that. m: it's true! h: it's a little annoying. m: what is? h: how quickly you catch on to things like this. sports and games, that sort of thing. m: it's just hitting a ball with a stick. h: no, i can see you strategizing where to hit it. and you did set me up for that shot before. m: well, i might have... haru smiles again. it's too embarrassing to say something like "it's an admirable trait" or "you're amazing." he blushes, realizing he already said too much. back in school, their gym classes would rotate different activities and sports. somehow, makoto had a natural talent and enjoyment for all of them. he could have done anything, but he chose swimming—or rather, he chose haru. even back then, haru couldn't help but notice that. h: don't go easy on me. m: (laughs) i had to give you a chance. h: i got it now. m: ok. they continue the game while they wait for their food. haru starts to feel more like he's gotten the hang of it and even makes a few shots himself, but he's no match for makoto. they clean up and sit back down at their table. m: that was fun, right? h: it wasn't bad. makoto smiles and takes a sip of his bubble tea. the intense focus from before is gone for now. haru knows this cute smiling makoto makes his heart beat rapidly, too. m: maybe i'll tell tono-kun to invite us the next time he comes here. we could play on teams. h: you want me on your team? m: of course! h: we'll lose for sure. m: (laughs) no we won't! anyway, i don't care if we win or not as long as we can play together. h: (blushes) oh... m: i'm going to look around a little. i want to see what games they have. h: ok. haru watches him walk away. it's clear makoto planned this from the start and brought haru here alone so he could get a feel for the place without anyone else to bother them. that way, he'd feel more comfortable coming out when this place is busier. sneaky, but also effective. haru smiles a little as he realizes he's actually kind of looking forward to it.in fact, he and makoto should probably come back again soon to get in some more practice. makoto pulls a book from one of the shelves and starts to read it. quickly, haru grabs his phone. this is revenge for all the pictures makoto took of him at the aquarium. that's all. it's not like he's going to look at these later, repeatedly. maybe he should take a few more. makoto returns to the table just as the food arrives and sets down a box beside their plates. h: what's this? m: triple chocolate mousse! i ordered it impulsively at the last second. h: (smiles) i mean the game. m: oh! (laughs) does it look familiar? we played it a lot as kids. h: ah... that's right, i remember. the objective is to visit all the animals at the zoo. we're a little old for this. m: well, there's not really any strategy involved, so we have an even playing field. h: what's that supposed to mean? m: (laughs) either of us could win. h: fine, if i win, you have to let me buy lunch tomorrow. m: and what if i win? h: i'll buy lunch tomorrow. m: (laughs) ok. do you want to come back here? h: sure. m: oh, before i forget. makoto gets up and crouches beside haru to take a picture together. he returns to his seat. h: are you messaging that to someone? m: tono-kun. later will you send me the pictures you took? h: (blushes) me? i didn't— i didn't take any. m: really? the one when i was playing? and just now when i was standing over there? h: oh... those pictures. i forgot. m: (laughs) mm. h: are you going to make a photo album? m: there's a website that can print them into books. i thought it would be a nice way to organize my pictures. h: it's a good idea. m: actually, i... (blushes) i was going to give you one. h: really? m: it kind of became a book about us. h: (blushes) i have more pictures i can send you. m: ok! i'll bring my laptop tomorrow and show you what i have so far. h: (smiles) sure. they both return their attention to their food, finishing their meals in silence, embarrassment mitigated by unrelenting happiness. haru glances to the older couple finishing their puzzle. he supposes he'll see them again tomorrow. he smiles at how easy it is to imagine him and makoto in their places. that will be them someday. maybe not here, but definitely together, continuing to make memories with each other.

XIA YAN SR  「完美營救」  (PERFECT CAMP RESCUE)   STORY TWO.

The competition started, and the ten teams all went in different directions away from the starting point.

I followed Xia Yan, so we could quickly get away from the starting point and the other groups.

XIA YAN:

Stop. This distance should be fine, let's just stay here for now.

ME:

Here? Wouldn’t it be safer if we ran a little further?

XIA YAN:

Since we still don’t know the relative positioning of the other groups, running further away might not be an advantage.

ME:

You’re right. We shouldn’t blindly run around, instead, we should spend this time preparing for the fight instead.

I took out the GPS that they gave us.

According to the rules, 15 minutes after the game starts, which is five minutes from now, the GPS will show the position of the ten shards.

ME:

Do you think we should hide the shard first? Then we could lie in wait somewhere else?

It’s like you said, we don’t know where the other teams are, if the enemy is nearby, it would be pretty dangerous.

XIA YAN:

Yeah, as expected of my Watson, I was thinking that too!

Xia Yan and I quickly hid the shard in a tree hollow, then hid ourselves in the nearby shrubs.

Five minutes later, the earphone connected to the GPS beeped softly.

The positions of the shards appeared on the GPS.

XIA YAN:

The numbers on the map represent the shards. “6” is the place where we hid our’s.

Most of the teams are still pretty far away, it’ll take some time if they wanted to come here.

ME:

The teams closest to us right now are team 1 and team 2.

But compared to us, team 3 and 4 are closer to them.

XIA YAN:

Right, and there are no obstacles between them and the other team. It would benefit them greatly if they ambushed team 1 and 2.

ME:

From the looks of it, we’re still pretty safe for now, or at least we can avoid the first wave of fights.

XIA YAN:

If we look at the positions on the map, that would be the case.

I could hear the suggestion in his voice.

ME:

What you mean is, considering all the other elements, we’re not safe after all?

Are you saying… we’ve become the primary target of a team?

XIA YAN:

On the contrary, we’ve actually become the primary target of two teams.

ME:

Why-

I haven’t finished speaking, but something flashed into my mind, I started to remember what happened when we were trying out the guns at the starting point.

~insert flashback yellow tinted colour here~

After Xia Yan helped me tie my vest, the other teams hurried to the spot.

I wasn’t sure if it was just me, but all the people looked taller and stronger after wearing their uniforms.

They all took the guns and started using the trees as targets, trying out the guns.

ME:

This is a good chance! We can see their strengths right here!

After a volley of bullets, most of the trees were unharmed, instead, the floor was painted in multiple colours.

ME:

Eh? I guess the gap in ability isn’t as big as I thought after all.

Xia Yan shook his head, and his gaze swept across the crowd.

XIA YAN:

The way they hold their guns clearly show experience. It’s only because the guns and bullets here are new, they haven’t gotten used to them yet.

But, since they can accordingly adjust the angle of the gun depending on their distance, they’ve obviously played a lot.

That one on the very left, he adapted pretty quickly, he’s probably the best guy in that crowd.

~flashback ended~

Back then I only focused on their skills, and totally forgot about one of the most important points-- the number of people.

XIA YAN:

All six of the teams have four people.

Since we’re out-numbered, they probably think that we’re the most easy target.

ME:

It’s probably not only that…

I thought back to those competitors and their large and tall frames.

ME:

Unfortunately, in their eyes… my fighting power is in decimals, I don’t even have a full number. *(1)

Taking away that little decimal, we’re literally just a one man team. Since it’s such a great chance, obviously they would want to take us down first.

XIA YAN:

What decimal point, we’re not just a one man team!

ME:

Okay, I know you’re just trying to save face for me.

I’ve already come to grips with it, despite really wanting to shout “don’t look down on me!” right now…

As a lawyer, I can tell the difference between slander and objective truth. *(2)

Life isn’t an anime, yelling out loud won’t increase my power, I have to stay reasonable.

ME:

……

But this is seriously taking it too far!

[Even someone like me isn’t easily defeated!]

Even if we lose, I will still try my best!

Even if we can’t win against them, I’ll just drag them down with me!

XIA YAN:

I just knew you wouldn’t so easily give up.

Don’t worry! Afterall, this isn’t our first time playing too! Not only are we playing to win, but we also have to win super good memories!

Xia Yan’s face was relaxed, and there was this sureness in his voice.

ME:

Did you think of some devious plan?

XIA YAN:

It’s not that hard, it’s just some simple tricks.

ME:

Really? But there’s two teams heading for us right now.

XIA YAN:

They’re just ordinary players, if we had to carefully set traps, it wouldn’t be a flashy win for me at all.

It took a moment before I understood his meaning. 

ME:

All of the sudden, I have no idea what to say to you… 

Over these eight years of being apart, the way you praise yourself has become weirder and weirder.

——-

WORD VOMIT:

HELLO!!! i started this one yesterday and got it out pretty quick! after this one i’ll probably finish the jellyfish one then move onto a lu jinghe card.

also i won’t do the other option but if you want me to just..... lmk ig haha

TRANSLATION NOTES:

*(1) basically she's saying that she's very weak lol. probably referencing like. fighting levels / power in games - she's saying that she doesn't even have a whole number (eg 0.8)

*(2) not sure if i translated this right huhu. but basically she’s saying that she can tell the difference between hate and facts ig?

All content belongs to Mihoyo! This is simply a fan translation.

How to promote a photoblog

There are 600 million online journals and 75 million photographers in the world. The competition sounds to be tight yet it shouldn't be a reason to abandon the possibility of your photoblogger dream. At this moment, today we are going to share 5 noteworthy hints that will assist you with building your photoblog audience, develop your crowd, and get the never-ending rate of new requests.  

BE GUIDED BY YOUR MAIN PURPOSE-

Truly, what is the motivation behind your photoblog promotion? Is it simply your side interest and you need to showcase your work? Would you like to keep in contact with clients you have already? Or on the other hand perhaps your motivation is to use your blog as an auto-selling device? Or on the other hand you simply need to be well known on Instagram?

Regardless of your answers, every one of these objectives are very achievable however every one of them requires diverse marketing strategies. In this way, the first thing you have to do is to discover is why and afterward continue further.

 Discover A BALANCE IN USABILITY

Indeed, even the negligible weakness in the use of your blog will destroy all your marketing efforts to promote it. Currently clients are demanding and impatient - they don't excuse mistakes in the site's structure, don't tolerate a obsessive or out of date design, yet above all they would rather not wait. Sit tight for a particular photograph or your whole blog to load completely. Focus on these points.

• First, check the download speed of your webpage utilizing a specific tool. The download speed ought to be close to five seconds.

• Secondly, make your pictures more lightweight without losing quality, for instance, utilizing Save for Web Photoshop feature.

• And the most significant! Ensure your blog is anything but difficult to use on mobile and all photographs are shown accurately. As the portion of mobile traffic is developing each day, this is the must-do step.

 Use THE BEST OUT OF INSTAGRAM MARKETING FEATURES

Instagram and photograph business is an ideal match, as your visual photograph content matches perfectly with the visual essence of Instagram. So, what would you be able to do?

• First, publish your photographs routinely with the goal that your followers become used to accepting cool content from you on a regular basis.

• Secondly, use the correct blend of hashtags that depict the essence of your photograph and your services.

• Thirdly, remember to draw in followers with the help of Stories - for instance, make a slide show from your photographs on a particular subject.

• And obviously, add eye-catching descriptions to your posts. The following section will be just about that.

 MAKE YOUR IMAGES SEO OPTIMIZED

We should simulate a situation. For instance, you shot a cool urban scene some place in San Francisco.

• First, you can immediately tell an SEO optimized tale about how it was.

• Secondly, you can SEO optimize your photographs too.

At that point when you transfer photographs to your blog, you have to record the name of the photograph not as xyz.jpg however as san-francisco-urban-style-phootoshoot.jpg. What's more, do likewise for the alt labels of your picture with the goal that clients can discover you through pictures in Google.

 Ensure IT IS POSSIBLE TO FIND YOU LOCALLY

Since photography is an up close and personal service, your potential clients will search for you with a location, for instance, recruit a wedding picture taker in Boston. This implies you have to thoroughly consider your content strategy so as to use local SEO demands also. Be that as it may, there is likewise a need to keep up a reasonable balance.

For instance, you can remember local keywords for your source of inspiration and end every one of your articles as follows:

Tired from searching for a family photographer in New York? I'm close to you and I'm very easy to connect with!

In basic words, connect your source of inspiration to the subject of your article and the topic of the photographs you publish in addition to include your area with the goal that clients can easily find you.

 Use VIDEOS WHEREVER YOU CAN

Here is only a thought for an interesting test! Request professional cameraman to film how you are leading a photoshoot and a professional graphics design company to edit or retouch. Normally, the authorization of the shooting members is required.

Show the procedure, show how you work, how you speak with customers, how you assist them with discovering winning poses and cool angles. Some of the time a procedure chooses significantly in excess of an outcome. What's more, obviously, share this video on your blog and on social profiles.

 Finally, we are certain that you as of now need to go to practice at this moment. What are you hanging tight for? The world needs to see your photographs, and your work has the right to be shown to the world!

Common Mermaid Movie Tropes (With Examples)

I’ve noticed with a lot of mermaid movies that a lot of them tend to share common tropes. I mention common mermaid tropes a lot on the Mermaid Movie Club, but thought, hey, maybe I need to come up with a handy list that’s easy to follow? Hey, that’s what blogs are for. Without further ado, a list of Common Mermaid Movie Tropes, and examples for each one. Since these are going to be part of the Mermaid Movie Club going forward, I thought I'd compile them neatly into a little list. Of course, this will be updated as I go through more movies. 😉

These are not taken from TVTropes, these are just things that I have found from watching these films/TV shows, so I just kinda made stuff up. Perhaps in due time I could make a list of tropes taken from TVTropes but that’s a loooooooooot to sift through.

(Also, this is not necessarily negative. Understand a lot of these will be interpreted differently from film to film. It's all about looking at something from a different angle, which a lot of these filmmakers do in their own way.)

1. The Only Way To Get What You Want is to Become Human Yourself

Literally what it says on the tin. The mermaid has to become human to achieve some kind of goal. Usually a romantic objective.

Examples: The Little Mermaid and most adaptations of it, Splash (1989), Aquamarine (2006)

Subverted in: The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea (2000), Barbie in a Mermaid Tale (2010)

2. Teenagers Scare the Living Fish Outta Me

Mermaid as a coming-of-age metaphor. For me it comes across as a kind of "fish out of water" metaphor but in the case of one film I have to rethink that.

Examples: The Thirteenth Year (1999), Scales: Mermaids are Real (2017), Blue My Mind (2017), Barbie in a Mermaid Tale (2010)

3. You Can Take Your Mermaid on Land Adventures, When She Dries Off, She Gets Legs

Again, what it says on the tin. The mermaid can achieve a human form but only when dry. When she touches water again she reverts back to her mermaid form.

Examples: Splash (1989), H2O and all of its spin-offs, Aquamarine (2006)

Splash: Obviously there’s the iconic scene with Madison unfolding her fins in the bathtub, and rushing to dry off when Allen calls for her. There’s also the scene where Walter Kornbluth sprays her down with a hose as she and Allen leave their dinner, effectively revealing her tail to the public.

H2O: This is revealed in the first episode where Cleo gets stuck in the bathtub after her tail develops, Emma transforms while swimming in the ocean, and perhaps the most telling of all is Rikki transforming after getting hit with a sprinkler. There are many more examples as the show goes on.

Aquamarine: Had an additional stipulation that she would have to be a mermaid at night, so it was almost like a werewolf-mermaid situation.

4. Born Yesterday

Mermaid is a bit naive to human things.

Seen in: The Little Mermaid (especially the Disney one), Splash (1989), Aquamarine (2006), Siren (2018-present)

5. Human Stuff

Mermaid falls in love with a human.

Examples: The Little Mermaid and all of its adaptations, Splash (1989), Aquamarine (2006), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Siren (2018-present)

6. For Science

Mermaid is pursued by scientists for science.

Examples: Splash (1989), Scales: Mermaids are Real (2017), The 3 Tails Movie: A Mermaid Adventure (2015), Siren (2018-present)

7. Hush Hush

The mermaid has to keep her mermaid identity a secret, potentially as a result of For Science, as well as You Can Take Your Mermaid on Land Adventures, When She Dries Off, She Gets Legs. The mermaid might have to avoid water to avoid being exposed.

Examples: H2O and all its spin-offs, Aquamarine (2006), Splash (1989), Scales: Mermaids are Real (2017), The Thirteenth Year (1999), nearly all of them except for some older pre-Splash ones.

H2O: Just Add Water: The mermaids even have to drink water through straws to prevent the water from touching their skin.

8. The Power of Three

There's likely a trio of mermaids. Mostly common in H2O copycat shows on YouTube.

Examples: H2O and all its spin-offs, Mermaids (2003), as I said, a lot of H2O copycats on YouTube. Aquamarine includes a main cast of three, but Hailey and Claire are not mermaids.

9. Power Up

They have superpowers. That's it that's the trope

Examples: H2O and all its spin-offs, The Thirteenth Year (1999), Scales: Mermaids are Real (2017), Barbie in a Mermaid Tale (2010)

H2O: The core mermaids (Rikki, Cleo, Emma, later Bella) all have some kind of different water-based superpower.

Scales: Siren's powers in this movie are pretty similar to those in H2O, particularly, the ability to move water. At the end she kills a hunter by dehydrating him to death.

The Thirteenth Year: Cody Palpatine Griffin emits force lightning--I mean, static electricity

Barbie in a Mermaid Tale: Royals of Oceana are capable of producing Merillia, a sort of oceanic life force. 

10. I'm In the Sea, and I'm SINGING

Mermaid can sing, which checks out given the mythology honestly

Examples: The Little Mermaid and nearly all of its adaptations (especially Disney), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011), Siren (2018-present)

11. You Should See Me In a Crown

Mermaid is part of a royal family, most likely a princess. Her father is likely Neptune or Triton or Poseidon, or some non-specific King of the Sea. (Notice that the Queen of the Sea is rarely mentioned? That's weird, right?)

Examples: The Little Mermaid and all its adaptations, Aquamarine (2006), The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2001), Barbie in a Mermaid Tale (2010), implied in Scales: Mermaids are Real (2017)

The Little Mermaid: It's kind of the basis for the story itself. In Disney's The Little Mermaid (1989), Ariel is the daughter of King Triton and has six sisters. Her mother, Queen Athena, is not revealed until 2008 in The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning, but it's revealed that she was killed when Ariel was very young, so she doesn't exist by the time the original film takes place.

Aquamarine: Aqua's father is a non-specific king

SpongeBob: Mindy's father is King Neptune

Barbie in a Mermaid Tale: Merliah’s mother is Calissa, Queen of Oceana, overthrown by her sister Eris

Scales: Siren's birth mother is referred to as "the leader of the mermaids," and it is later revealed that they are both pureblood mermaids, which implies that Siren and Emerald are some kind of royalty. The film uses the word “leader” which is fairly vague, however.

12. Kids' Show

(I read this in my mind like the Will Ferrell/Molly Shannon “Dog Show” sketch from SNL.)

A character from a kids' franchise becomes a merperson themselves, most often to help other merfolk. This might also be reflected in a corresponding toy line.

Examples: Barbie (numerous titles), Dora the Explorer, Paw Patrol, Monster High, Sofia the First, Shimmer and Shine.

Barbie: Numerous mermaid characters exist in the Barbie Cinematic Universe (if that isn’t already a thing it is now), but at least five mermaid-centric Barbie films exist: Barbie Fairytopia: Mermaidia (2006), Barbie in a Mermaid Tale (2010), Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 2 (2012), Barbie the Pearl Princess (2014), and Barbie Dolphin Magic (2017). There have also been multiple Barbie mermaid lines throughout the years, the most recent being part of the Dreamtopia line. A number of lines corresponded to the films, such as the Mermaidia and Barbie in a Mermaid Tale lines. (I’ve got one of Kayla from the first one somewhere)

Dora the Explorer: In the 2007 TV movie Dora Saves the Mermaids, Dora became a mermaid to help the crown of mermaid princess Mariana. Dora later reunited with Mariana in the Dora and Friends episode “Magical Mermaid Adventure” (1x13) in 2015. Dora once again became a mermaid in the 2012 episode “Dora’s Rescue in Mermaid Kingdom” (7x01). I remember there being dolls for Dora Saves the Mermaids but not for the other two.

Paw Patrol: The six main pups of the Paw Patrol become merpups (it’s exactly what it sounds like) in the 2016 episode “Merpups Save the Turbots” (3x21B). Initially it’s just Marshall after he is turned by a mother merpup but later all the pups have a merpup form. I don’t remember a ton of toys for this one, but I often run into the merpup bath squirters, namely Skye.

Monster High: Lagoona Blue, daughter of a sea monster, is a part of the core team of monsters, but she’s more Mermaid-Adjacent. The first true mermaid character to be introduced to the franchise was Sirena von Boo, the daughter of a mermaid and a ghost, in the 2014 Freaky Fusion movie and doll line of the same name. Later on, the 2016 Great Scarrier Reef movie coincided with a corresponding doll line of the main monsters as mermaid-like creatures, with the addition of some new aquatic characters such as Posea Reef, Kala Mer’ri, and the two-headed Peri and Pearl Serpentine. (Mattel had a similar line called Ever After High that featured Meeshell Mermaid as the daughter of the Little Mermaid, but there was never any kind of mermaid line or movie made for it, which, come on, I wanted mermaid Raven Queen.)

Sofia the First: 2013′s “The Floating Palace” was a special episode that aired toward the end of the show’s first season. In it, Sofia meets mermaid princess Oona and Queen Emmaline, and helps them stop Cedric from taking the magical Mermaid Comb of Merroway Cove. Of course, in order to do that, she has to become a mermaid herself. Along the way, her magical amulet summons Ariel because this is a Disney Princess show and her amulet just magically summons Disney Princesses when she needs a pep talk because of course it does.

Shimmer and Shine: In the 2016 episode “Mermaid Mayhem” (2x06), Leah wishes she and her genies, Shimmer and Shine, were mermaids. If only it were that easy. Yep. There were toys. Just expect it at this point.

Subverted in: Elena of Avalor: Song of the Sirenas

13. Looks Like a Seannamon Roll But Could Actually Kill You

This is really just a trope for sirens or "darker" mermaids

Examples: Siren (2018-present), She Creature (2001), Killer Mermaid/Nymph (2014), Mermaid's Song (2018), Night Tide (1961)

14. Mermaid-Adjacent

Not quite a mermaid but similar human-fish hybrid.

Examples: The Shape of Water (2017), Creature from the Black Lagoon (1953), also the Zora race from the Legend of Zelda games even though that’s not a movie, shut up it counts

15. Gadgets and Gizmos Aplenty

There is some kind of magical trinket used by the mermaids, typically a piece of jewelry with magical properties.

Examples: The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea (2000), Scales: Mermaids are Real (2010), H2O: Just Add Water (2006-2010), Mako Mermaids/Mako: Island of Secrets (2013-2016), both Barbie in a Mermaid Tale movies (2010 and 2012)

TLM2: Melody's locket, a gift to her from King Triton, projected an image of Atlantica when opened, but otherwise didn't do a lot.

Mako Mermaids: The mermaids possessed blue moon rings, which store moonlight and can be used to perform different magical functions dependent on the situation.

H2O: The necklaces worn by Rikki, Cleo, and Bella in the third season serve a similar function to the Moon Rings of Mako.

Scales: Siren Phillips was given a special necklace by Crystal which seems to serve as a kind of homing device. It's not explained in depth what it does exactly, but it performs a similar function to the Wailing Stick if I remember correctly, which was a sort of mermaid distress signal.

Barbie in a Mermaid Tale: When Queen Calissa gave baby Merliah Summers to Break, she gave Merliah a magical necklace that, years later, revealed to her and Zuma that Queen Calissa was still alive after Eris overthrew her from the throne of Oceana. Merliah is later given a necklace by Calissa that allows her to alternate between human and mermaid forms at will. In Barbie in a Mermaid Tale 2, Kylie Morgan steals the necklace out of Merliah’s hoodie when Hadley is distracted and uses it to become a mermaid herself, so it’s clearly not specifically made for Merliah to use.

If it counts, Ursula’s soul-stealing necklace in The Little Mermaid (1989) is one of these as well.

16. You Want Thingamabobs? I've Got Twenty

Girl is a hoarder, or fascinated by human trinkets.

Examples: The Little Mermaid and nearly all of its adaptations (especially the Disney one)

17. The Mermaid Elder

An old woman that’s sort of a mermaid wise woman.

Examples: The Mermaid (2016), most interpretations of The Little Mermaid apart from the Disney one

18. Foreshadowing Name

Very very very obvious mermaid name.

Examples: Barbie in a Mermaid Tale/2 (2010/2012), Scales: Mermaids are Real (2017), Aquamarine (2006), Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

Barbie in a Mermaid Tale/2: You really expect me to think a girl named Merliah isn’t gonna be a mermaid? Come on.

Scales: I feel like naming your kid Siren in a town full of mermaids AND where there are known mermaid hunters is just a great example of not thinking things through.

Aquamarine: Self-explanatory.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: Astrid Berges-Frisbey played main merm Syrena in this movie. There were other named mermaids in this, I think, but Syrena was the most prominent, obviously.

Week 10 - Assignment 3 Development Progress

Supermarket Slugger is wheeling its way into a very playable state. I’ll break this post down into a few sections to show where the game is at.

Art / Visuals

I’ll talk art first since it’s what has been worked on the most so far. This week I’ve been hard at work making assets for the game, mostly environmental props. The layout isn’t finalised but here is how the new environment is looking so far:

Obviously, the map is much bigger, but there are the same amount of enemy spawns and overall, the environment is a similar layout to what was in the first version, just larger and far better looking. I don’t have a comprehensive list of all assets and props planned but I do have plenty of potential ideas. Here’s a few:

Butcher / meat section

Slurpee machine

A shorter fridge with the door on the top. I have no idea what that’s actually called.

Plants and floor signs

Signs for naming different sections of the map, hanging from the ceiling (this would need some kind of slight parallax effect to look natural)

A display for Dingles’ Chips, where all the cans are sold out.

So far I have an entry gate but I’m planning on an exit gate as well and will have these open up when enemies walk through them.

A shopping cart section.

In the development post for the first version of the game I talked about the issue with using characters with a different view angle than the environment. As can be seen in the image I’ve decided that the new environment won’t have props with half the traditional angle and half a bird’s eye view. I do want to update the player and enemies with better sprites that fit the environment but that is a big undertaking and will likely take the same amount of time as all the environment props.

Gameplay & Design

So far, I haven’t gone too deep into extra ideas and have mostly focused on fixing what was already in the game and implementing features that I had already planned but missed last time. There are also little tweaks to gameplay here and there that I would just implement as I thought of them since they were easy. For example, I made it that the shopping cart enemy can actually kill the normal enemies when they plow through the level. Going from first thought to implementing it took about a minute or two and simple changes like that all together go a long way to making the game play better.

There is one feature that was not planned for the original game that I now feel will be a necessary addition – a third enemy. So far only two enemies exist, and one of them is only seen on screen for a maximum of three or four seconds. To me it became somewhat boring to play with only one main enemy and I feel after a minute or so of game time the player should be surprised with a boss type enemy to throw down with. I’ve decided that this should be a larger enemy that throws bits and pieces of garbage and empty boxes and cans at you.

In my opinion the most important thing right now (apart from the swing mechanic) is the new environment. The old environment gets boring FAST and I wanted to ensure the new level was large enough to not get bored of so quickly. To go along with the new environment, I’ve zoomed in the camera to move with the player and stop at the map boundaries. In the original game I had no idea how to implement this since I had everything on different layers and introducing a moving camera broke everything. I found out that I was implementing this completely wrong and that everything in the environment should be on the same layer, just with different Z-orders to move them behind and in front of each other. Already I think this has made a huge difference in gameplay feel. It also brings anew challenge in that the player can’t see everything on the map at once, and is more inclined to move around the map.

Bugs and Issues

One issue that still hasn’t been fixed is the pathfinding for enemies. The reason enemies get stuck on objects frequently is because there’s nothing telling them to navigate around, only a collision detection to stop them from walking through an object. Something I didn’t actually notice until recently was the pathfinding behaviour tools in GDevelop. Tom is looking into this soon and will implement it if it works. For the previously mentioned swing mechanic, the only things I’ve done to try and fix this was simply doubling the size of the swing hitbox and making it more forgiving when facing multiple enemies. So far, the system is actually identical to the system that fires chips out of the can. A large invisible square is spawned on the left click and moves forward for about a second until a timer runs out and deletes it. Originally the box would delete when in contact with an enemy, but this became a problem when facing multiple enemies, as the box could only take out one at a time. Changing these simple elements made the swing mechanic far more responsive but unfortunately, it’s still too difficult to use in game effectively. I don’t actually know what the problem is with this, as in my head it SHOULD be working perfectly. Sometimes the mechanic works well, other times it fails completely and gets the player killed. Tom had a look at this but also could not figure out the problem. Once again this is a major entry on the priorities list.

There was also an unintentional “feature” of the original game where you could shoot and swing at the same time essentially making you an unstoppable killing machine to anything in front of you. I wasn’t even aware of this until Tom played the game, and I likely never would have attempted it which does show the value of playtests and the things they can reveal. Tom went ahead and fixed this issue and cleaned up the spaghetti platter that was my event system.

Goals for Next Week

The update I plan to have finished by next week is big and is a major improvement over the original game. So far, I think I’m on track to finish it before playtesting starts. About half of the environment props still need to be made, and many more features need to be implemented.

Thoughts On the Textbook and Influence

The most influential element the textbook (Game Design Workshop by Tracy Fullerton) has had on the game is where I’ve been implementing risk vs reward mechanics. Mostly this has been with where powerups will spawn. There will be three locations for powerup spawns. The first of these being randomly around the map in the line of sight of the shopping carts. Secondly, the self serve section will have a powerup spawn regularly. This section is a small enclosed area with an enemy spawn inside of it, so its a dangerous risk to go, as the player will be able to get swarmed on both sides with no escape. Thirdly I’ve also decided that either the shopping carts or the un-made third enemy will drop a powerup on death. If the player wants to avoid these enemies, they can, but they’re risking losing out on a powerful reward and a significant increase in score points.

Another section of the textbook I’m taking a lot of inspiration from is the section on fun and accessibility (chapter 11). I’ve tried to keep controls as simple as possible, without adding any unnecessary complications. Another goal is that any player can very quickly pick up the game and understand it and have fun without needing to play for any significant amount of time. Though we haven’t had any official “blind” playtests yet I’ve tested it with a few friends who enjoyed it and found the game fun with just the right amount of challenge. If what we have so far is already fun then I’m confident the final product will turn out well in that regard.

References:

Fullerton, T. (2019) Game design workshop: a playcentric approach to creating innovative games. AK Peters/CRC Press.

Liam & Edie

Liam: get out of work early, I need your help Edie: alright Edie: what are we doing? Liam: I finished a 🎬📽🎞 & it has to be screened tonight at a specific time Edie: do you know what cinema you wanna infiltrate Edie: like, max capacity blockbuster moment or a more independent arthouse style? Edie: I have ideas for both, if you don't already Liam: gotta be sold out seats for max exposure Edie: looking up whatever dumb superhero shit is on right now Liam: put the word out for me too, yeah? 📢 you've got more 👀 on you Edie: of course Edie: keep it vague but intriguing? Edie: what's the angle Liam: my sister is Edie: your sister? Liam: she's 16, would've been Liam: today Edie: the film is for her Edie: not a hard sell Edie: every twat loves a party Liam: every twat's forgotten about her already Liam: I have to do something Edie: I'll get all the people there I can Edie: 16 is a big one Liam: I'm looking for a cake to blow up Liam: big enough to splatter lots of rows but not too huge to sneak in Edie: really do need a pram Edie: if you do wanna go big, my ma has a kiln, easy to bake in and quicker Edie: I could put it in a backpack or some ridiculously oversized handbag my sister has Liam: you're amazing Edie: you or the audience haven't tasted the cake yet Liam: be more fitting if it tastes bad Liam: like we're shoving bittersweet down everyone's throats Liam: & in their faces Edie: that's easily done Edie: toxic hazard here we come Edie: how long have you been working on the vid? Liam: a while Edie: are you happy with it? Liam: there's no more time left to do edits Liam: I gotta get it out there, like I said Liam: 18 is gonna need something bigger Edie: timing is key Edie: did you talk about it Edie: what she'd want to do Liam: looking that far ahead wasn't something she let herself do Edie: that's fair Edie: I haven't looked that far ahead before Edie: we'll make it special Edie: something she'd approve of Liam: there has to be some way to throw a party after that's not the standard gay shit Edie: an anti-party Liam: yeah, without being ☢️ & barcode tattoos about it Edie: so a disgusting cake, what else can we fuck up Edie: bastardized 🎈s are almost a given Edie: maybe we can play some party games Liam: use your talents on the happy birthday song Edie: I'll do my best for you both Edie: did she believe anything happened after you die? Liam: she wanted to come back as someone else, show up back in my life just when she reckoned it'd gotten settled & boring Liam: but I don't think she really believed that, just didn't want me to turn into one of those twats Edie: yeah, most people want to believe something like that Edie: some continuation Edie: but the percentage who genuinely do, I don't know Liam: a lot of shit she said was for my benefit of my ma's, I don't know if she knew I knew that but I did Edie: Yeah Edie: but through reassuring you, she was probably trying to give herself that same comfort Edie: again, whether it worked is unlikely, but we keep going 'til we don't Liam: yeah Liam: I have certainty in her not wanting everyone to act as if she was never here this fast, I'm going with that Liam: her friends, a lad she liked, they're supposed to give more of a shit Edie: we'll make them remember Edie: I was thinking Edie: she'd be in transition year now Edie: they're always having bollocks seminars and lectures Edie: that would be easy to hijack Edie: well, not easy, but we could Liam: you're so fucking smart Liam: I didn't even think Edie: it'd be a way to get the ones who won't hear our call tonight Edie: which are arguably the ones who need a lesson in caring more so Liam: keep it going like pass the parcel Edie: a project worth the waste of time that whole year is Liam: then a holiday, me & you Liam: where we won't waste any time Edie: are we going to find a holiday home? Liam: did you like living with me? Edie: so much Edie: I wanna live with you properly Edie: all the time Liam: then yeah, we'll find a holiday home & when we get back you can move into mine Edie: really? Liam: our mas will both have shit to say about it but so do we Edie: if they're really going to object to that degree Edie: we'll work for enough money to rent our own place Liam: & sleep wherever else we have to until we've got that Edie: as long as I'm with you Edie: I miss you when I'm not Liam: I wanna be with you all the time too Edie: maybe if we split our time between mine and yours, they wouldn't even notice Liam: they can tell themselves they're keeping a better 👀 on us if we do Edie: yeah, and it's not 'as serious' as moving in together Edie: in their minds Edie: guess it'd be better if we were going 'round sleeping with anyone and everyone Liam: I've had more offers since I got a girlfriend than before Liam: must be a shared view between our parents & lots of the girls at school Edie: 😡 Edie: adds to them feeling something if they get to fuck someone over at the same time as, I guess Liam: I'll never hurt you or let anyone else do it Edie: I know you won't Liam: I love you Edie: I love you Edie: no one is gonna stop us from living the life we want Liam: [a pic of a pram he has stolen for her to fill with stuff and there's a birthday pinata in there currently like oh hi] Liam: I found this for you Edie: 😍 Edie: Baby! Edie: you got me wheels Liam: I couldn't stop thinking about you struggling with a heavy backpack Edie: You're so sweet and I'm so excited Edie: is what's going in the pinata a surprise? Liam: I was gonna tell you but lets keep the excitement going Edie: is it 🕷s Edie: or 🦷 Liam: do you know where I can get that many 🦷? Liam: that'd be a great idea Edie: 🤔 Edie: maybe a vet's dumpster Edie: think people dentists study 'em Liam: maybe my ma kept our 👶 teeth Liam: I'll have a look Edie: Mine kept hers Edie: you'd need quite a few to make an impression Liam: the fake blood I'm gonna add will help Liam: but you're right Edie: there's loads of roadkill around mine Edie: could get that for the 🦴🦴 Liam: I don't know if I want you touching it though Liam: you could get sick or something Edie: I've got gloves Edie: the only illness they had was potentially bad eyesight 🚗 Liam: you've gotta be careful, baby Edie: okay Edie: for you Edie: how else can I help you though? Edie: the cake is in Liam: keep thinking, all your ideas are perfect Edie: I wanna be Edie: what about spiking the drinks, but not in a fun way Edie: or is that too 👿 Edie: just a laxative or something, nothing mad Liam: it don't matter, we won't drink it Edie: I definitely won't Edie: don't even miss any of it Liam: we need something that'll make them 🤮 she did lots of that Liam: only fair Edie: what does that 💊🧪 wise Edie: too much salt is a dead giveaway with one sip Liam: charcoal is probably too big a giveaway too Liam: & you can't get ipecac no more Edie: 😕 ugh Liam: we'll have to settle for the laxatives Edie: they'll make themselves sick all on their own Liam: you did make a fucking disgusting cake Edie: you don't even wanna know what I put in it 😏 Liam: I want all your secrets Edie: you can have everything Edie: [a gruesome list of god knows what] Edie: it smells so gross cooking right now Liam: don't make yourself 🤮 Edie: I'm getting some fresh air Liam: what can you 👀? Edie: from here, the pond Edie: which also smells, so I might need to go look at the 🍅🥔s growing instead Liam: go decide on your outfit Edie: what do you want me to look like? Liam: beautiful Edie: nothing more specific? Liam: nah, not until I've seen what you come up with Liam: you test well Edie: 🤞 Liam: 😍 Edie: that's what I want Edie: always Liam: I want you Edie: I can't wait to go away with you Edie: are we going to the sea Liam: we can Liam: we can go anywhere you like Edie: I just wanna watch the sun go down under the waves with you Liam: you watch that, I'll watch your face while it does Edie: You're so Edie: you make me feel like a person Edie: a real one, that matters Liam: you matter to me, Eds Edie: I'm not used to this feeling Liam: you know I'm not either Liam: we'll get used to it Edie: it's like I believe you but I can't believe it Edie: if that makes sense Liam: I get it Liam: I do need you to believe me though Edie: I do Edie: you're just perfect Liam: nah, I'm not Edie: to me then Liam: whatever's wrong with me, we're good together Edie: we're going to make a perfect baby Edie: that always feels like a person Liam: I'm gonna love it even if things go wrong Liam: I need you to know that too Edie: I know you will Edie: and I believe that Edie: I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't Edie: you won't be able to not love your own child Edie: even if it's hard Liam: & I'll wanna be with you, perfect or not Liam: whatever else happens Edie: we can do it Edie: I love you and I want it to work Edie: I wanna be a good mum and give the baby all the love and attention and everything it could ever want and need Edie: that is so much more than most people have Liam: the baby is so fortunate to have you for its ma Liam: you've done everything right already & its not even here yet Edie: I wanna do it right Edie: I can't imagine doing it wrong Liam: I know you will Liam: you set your mind on shit & it gets done, that's how you are Edie: makes me sound like an assassin Edie: don't hate that Liam: I don't hate thinking about you holding a 🔪 Edie: next video Liam: it'll be on my mind until then Edie: I can give you a preview Edie: if you show me the fake blood Liam: [does obviously] Edie: 🤤 Liam: I made extra for you knowing you'd be into it Edie: That's just one of the reasons we work Liam: are you gonna give me the rest of them? Edie: I'll start on the list but I don't know if it'll ever be done enough to be conclusive Edie: and I'd hate for you to think I'm not serious Liam: that's another reason why we work Edie: see, they keep adding up Edie: good thing I didn't commit to tattooing it on me Edie: run out of space so quick Liam: I don't think her video is done enough Liam: I don't know what to do Edie: You'll regret it if you miss her birthday, I think Edie: you'll have chances to add to it and improve on it every year if you want Edie: it's a tough one to know what's enough on, yeah Edie: 'cos what could be Liam: if it's shit I'll have ruined her birthday Edie: do you think it's shit? Liam: I can't tell Liam: I can't feel anything Edie: I can watch it before you show it Edie: or you can just do it Edie: they aren't going to forget it though, regardless, and that's what you want, yeah Edie: for them to remember her Liam: you've gotta watch it on a big screen Liam: I'll watch you & I'll know if it's good or not Edie: okay Edie: I won't tell you I know it'll be good Edie: cheapen my actual reaction Liam: 👌 what do you wanna tell me instead? Edie: another reason we work is you're talented and creative too Liam: I have to try to bring something to the table if we want a perfect baby Edie: you mean aside from how insanely hot you are Liam: its gonna look like you so that don't count Edie: maybe it'll get to be tall like you Edie: my 10 year old sister is already taller than me Liam: you only wanna be taller for kissing me Liam: there'll be a no dating rule until they're like old enough to properly move out Edie: might save your back, that's all Edie: they won't need to, they'll be happy with us Liam: I've already saved yours with this pram, I'm not bothered about mine Edie: but I am Edie: I'll invest in some stilts Liam: & have you snatched up by the circus, nah Liam: don't matter if its twins in there, I'll pick you all up Edie: 🥰 Edie: you make me look and feel like that emoji, legitimately Liam: [a picture of some random people he's sneakily taken a photo of while he's out and about and changed so they have no eyes because he misses and wants to see her rn] Edie: ooh baby Edie: 👁s would be a great pinata filling Liam: have we got time to turn 🍇 or some gay shit into 👀 like a ma on halloween? Edie: OH Edie: speaking of mas Edie: just had a 💡 Liam: what? Edie: she has mealworms to feed the 🐦🦅s Edie: too late for the cake but how perfect Liam: genius Edie: my next idea was going to get some caviar but I don't think my wage is stretching that far Liam: I could steal some Liam: dunno where the fuck from though Edie: bet they don't have any at the spar Edie: there are tadpoles in the pond but I'm not murdering them Liam: the worms will work Liam: I'm on my way to yours, how long til the cake is cooked? Edie: you're coming here Edie: 😄😄😄 the excitement is only going ↗️ Edie: about 10 minutes, though a bit of burning can't hurt Liam: I thought you'd like a hand with decorating Edie: I'd like to see you Liam: you miss me too Edie: so bad Liam: I know Edie: come see me Liam: I kept the secret for as long as I could but I'm nearly there now Edie: no secrets, right Liam: I don't want there to be Edie: I'll tell you everything you wanna know Liam: tell me what we're doing tomorrow Liam: after this Edie: we're gonna get in the car and drive 'til we get somewhre we want to stop Edie: and we'll get fish and chips and ice cream and play on the beach and then we can talk about bringing the baby back and doing it all again Liam: the baby's face when it eats ice cream for the first time Liam: & feels what sand is like Liam: we'll film it all Edie: 🥺 Edie: I feel like I might cry? Liam: everything we don't remember any more we'll do again with our 👶 Edie: there's so much good stuff to relive Edie: stuff we didn't get to do too Liam: yeah, there's lots of shit I've not done Liam: I used to feel properly awkward about it Edie: just 'cos my childhood was weird in an 'exotic' way doesn't mean it weren't too Edie: there's loads of Irish childhood staples that we didn't have Edie: we'll make that list too, for the 👶 Liam: I can't think of a better way to start the baby book Edie: I'm gonna do it for your birthday Liam: yeah? Edie: I've got a feeling Liam: that might be knowing that I'm outside Edie: [dramatic run out] Liam: [we know he's as extra and would immediately stop whatever he's doing/ drop whatever he's holding so they can kiss dramatically, don't get a hole in that pinata yet sir] Edie: [ah you crazy kids, dunno where the rest of the fam is tbh] Liam: [100% gonna say he puts her in the pram and pushes her into this gaff like a giant nerd, so imagine her just squished in there please] Edie: [LOL adorable, try not to break it already] Liam: [you probably don't have time to do pram repairs on top of everything else lads] Edie: [we got schemes honey] Liam: [if you don't draw on each other with icing pens when you're decorating this cake I don't wanna know either of you] Edie: [my boo has put her foot down] Liam: [all the tattoo practice and ideas in any possible artistic medium thank you] Liam: [we all know what saucy behaviour you'll be getting up to as soon as he gets there though] Edie: [but the softest ever tbh 'cos a tough day and you just wanna make sure he's okay] Liam: [honestly there's only so busy you can keep yourself boy, we all see you] Edie: [not gonna force you to talk on it but also gonna be clear it's an option] Liam: [he's just trying to get today over with as if tomorrow and on any other day he won't think about it, oh hun] Edie: [mood] Liam: [where is his mother? what is she doing rn? those are my real questions] Edie: [sad things don't think about it Liam: [anyway we know the vibe so is there anything else you wanna make a point of happening rn before we skip to the aftermath?] Edie: [hmhmhmmm we can probably skip] Liam: [everyone gonna be cross at you lads] Edie: [I like to think the fam was there earlier so they were already moody, but then you come back with the police and you're gonna skip town tomorrow so lol] Liam: [his poor mum having to go down the garda station when she's already living her best life, likewise gonna be in a great mood] Edie: [safe to say you will not be invited back tonight gal] Liam: [Rio is gonna tear Liam a new one cos he was all I'm gonna look after her it's chill when they last talked haha] Edie: [oh lordy] Liam: [I just hope they got to do all their creepy plans before the police ruined it] Edie: [or at least the important ones, and that it went well in that people are talking about it] Liam: [gotta let you have that] Edie: [tis important and a mood] Edie: how's your ma now Liam: she's still going Edie: I thought she'd like it Edie: if you explained what you did Liam: she likes what we did but not how Liam: she don't understand that playing it in the sitting room wouldn't work Edie: she wants to keep it all private Edie: if people feel uncomfortable it's only because they should Liam: we know that Edie: is she more 😭 or 😤 Edie: one is easier to deal with Liam: it's both, at the same time for a while Edie: that must be so exhausting Liam: it's just what she's like Edie: you've not really known her any different? Liam: I must have, but I don't remember Liam: not clear enough Edie: I'm sorry Edie: if I could've taken the blame harder, I would've Liam: I don't want you to take any of it Edie: I don't care about getting into trouble Liam: you will if it sticks next time & you maybe can't earn as much cash Liam: be the perfect ma you've set your heart on Edie: not at the sake of you though Edie: it's so unfair I couldn't take my fair share Liam: you did, you weren't there for the shit I did before that got me my talking to from the 🐷 Liam: it's about her not you Edie: yeah, I know Edie: wish we'd saved the pinata for them though 🐷🤮☠ Liam: we'll make a 🎬📹 I've still got the rave masks Edie: Yes Edie: it's the least we can do Liam: you'll feel a bit better at least Edie: no, it's not about me Edie: how do you think it went, before they showed Liam: you thought it went decently I could see it in your 👀 Edie: it did Edie: it was beautiful Edie: but did you like it? Liam: I reckon she would've Edie: she'd be proud, for sure Liam: yeah Edie: but I am, whilst I can't guarantee that Edie: I can this Edie: are we still going tomorrow Liam: I'll show up, if you can't get out send me a 6 Edie: I'll get out Liam: safely Liam: I'm not gonna watch you fall out your window Edie: I won't, babe Edie: no guard dogs here Edie: they can't keep permanent watch Liam: no 🔥🌉 either though Liam: your ma must already hate me Edie: I'm not staying though Edie: I'll pretend to listen to them Liam: I understand baby, I don't want to be here Edie: I want to take you to the beach Liam: we'll go then Liam: smooth it over after if we have to Edie: I don't know how to care about making them happy, never mind doing it Liam: all you need to do is say what they wanna hear Edie: wait 'til they hear about the baby Liam: we just won't tell them until your 🤰 makes us Edie: but 'til then Edie: literally who knows what they want Liam: we know what your sister wants, she told me Liam: we'll base it off that, be good Edie: 🙄 Edie: she's a fine one to talk Liam: don't you wanna behave with me & for me? Edie: for you, not them Liam: I'm only asking you to do it for me Liam: so they won't be getting in our way Edie: what do you want me to do now then? Edie: tell me Liam: explain why we did it but pretend you're sorry that it got out of hand Edie: alright Edie: I'll hate every second of it but I'll do it Liam: I'll make it up to you Edie: tell me how Liam: 💍 Liam: I'll get you one Edie: you already got me a pram Liam: that was for the 👶 too, I wanna give you something that's just yours Edie: oh Edie: will I have to hide it too though Liam: as long as you don't bury it Edie: we could pretend it's not THE 💍 Edie: put it on a different finger Liam: you've still got great ideas after earlier Liam: you really are a genius Edie: Hardly Edie: I'm just trying very hard to be very good for you Liam: you don't even have to try Edie: I do when it means having to hide how I feel about you Liam: nobody can say shit about me promising to marry you one day Edie: they say all kinds of shit Liam: you don't have to hide that we're in love whatever they say Edie: I never will Edie: they know I am, that they can't change that Liam: if you don't wanna be good we can leave tonight Edie: you're right that it'll make shit easier Edie: I can ignore them Liam: I don't care about shit being easier if you're not happy Edie: I am happy Edie: they might not be happy with the way it's come about but they can't harp on it too hard without making me miserable Liam: I couldn't have done everything today without you Edie: I'm glad I could do that for you Edie: that's how it should be Edie: is going to Edie: I've got your back, you've got mine Liam: yeah, like a family Liam: me & you are, however long this baby takes to show up Edie: there's nothing you could ask that was too much of me, seriously Liam: not a test this time Edie: can handle it either way Liam: I know 👀 Liam: but I can't handle missing you more than I do, if you wanna like be a huge bitch to me or something like Edie: I could try if you wanna be less loveable for a sec too Liam: one sec I'll have to try & stop thinking about how alive you were tonight first Liam: & find a less gay way to say it than that while I'm working on it Edie: you say gay, I say workable lyric or tat inspo Liam: when you've filtered it through your 🧠 it'll be right Liam: all I know is beautiful wouldn't be good enough Liam: 🎇🎆 Liam: either Liam: I think the closest would be when you get a puddle of petrol, all those colours, that kinda bullshit Edie: I wish I could tattoo that onto me Edie: a bruise would be closest to that Edie: but I wish I could see me how you see me more Liam: I'll start filming, see what I can do Edie: you have a year 'til my birthday too Liam: lots of chances to get footage then Edie: be good for the baby too, when it grows up Edie: see we loved them before they even got here Liam: we'll record as much as we can Liam: starting at the beach tomorrow Edie: we'll make a sandcastle dreamhouse Edie: and find the perfect shell to start a collection for them Liam: I don't think I've ever made one Edie: 1/8 ratio water to sand is a good start Edie: then it depends if you want the castle buckets, or a plain one so you can sculpt it yourself Edie: add seaweed, shells and pebbles, et voila Liam: I'm gonna look for enough shells to make a mobile too Edie: 🌌🧠💡 Liam: maybe we can make it sound on top of looking nice Edie: if we find some driftwood too, that would be 🔝 Liam: we'll go back if we don't Liam: until we do Edie: if we like it we can move there Liam: what kind of 🏠 do you want? Edie: one that's the perfect size for just us three Edie: and always feels cosy and like a home and is the place you actually always wanna come back to because it's that comforting Liam: 🗺❌ Liam: I'll take you hunting Edie: maybe we'll find another to takeover when we're down there Liam: lots of them are holiday homes now summer's over they'll be empty Edie: and not everyone invests in good security, even though they're rich enough to Liam: pick the one you like best, I'll get us in Liam: most people don't bother changing their alarm codes from the default Edie: right Edie: they kinda deserve it Liam: if you're not gonna treat your shit like you want it, someone else will take it Liam: why not us Edie: 9️⃣9️⃣9️⃣ Liam: how long can we stay this time without your ma calling that number herself? Edie: when we're on our way, I could tell her we've gone Edie: rude of her to stifle our creativity 📹🎞📼 Edie: but if we give her something, she might freak less Liam: you got any 🎁 in mind? Edie: you mean getting her a stick of rock or? Liam: whatever works Liam: you know I'll do it Edie: It's not even you, they admit they don't know you Edie: maybe we give them the chance, when we do come back? Liam: 🎲 Liam: alright Edie: it might be totally unbearable Edie: I make no promises to the contrary Liam: you don't have to, you'll be there Liam: unbearable is when you're not Liam: like now Edie: I know Edie: it hurts my heart not being with you right now Liam: if my ma decides to stop, I'll call you Edie: do Edie: I'll get out of here as soon as I'm physically able Liam: me too Liam: even if it means I'm waiting outside for you 👀 Liam: 🛰🌏 Edie: You can wait outside my window any time Liam: 📹🎞📼 Liam: 🤫 Edie: 😳 Edie: everything you do is hot Liam: I'm thinking about you whenever I do anything, maybe that's why Edie: I won't dispute that Edie: even though you definitely deserve more credit Liam: you can give it to me when the credits roll on your film & you realise what you look like to me Liam: & that everything I do is to turn you on or make you smile, laugh, all that happy shit Edie: I don't know what I ever did to deserve you Edie: but I'll be a better person from now if it means I get to keep you forever Liam: nah, don't change a single thing Edie: 🤏 😈 🤏 😇 Edie: got it Liam: we won't show every 🎬🎞 to the 👶 Liam: or every 🎤🎧 either come to think of it Edie: got to have things to protect them from Edie: may as well be us, not actually a threat Liam: [sending her all the cute baby videos such as when they eat a 🍋 etc like this will be us because we can't be dealing with our mother popping off anymore] Edie: [sending her stuff of the twins 'cos that big sister evidently lol] Edie: him* soz babe Liam: [Grace would die if she knew] Edie: [when you are 10 and MORTIFIED honey] Liam: [when his ma is having a breakdown and he's just spamming the bae with random adorable baby content from the internet casually] Edie: [so sorry to your ma but also not sorry we did] Liam: [he can't handle all your emotions gal I'm soz, we're living our best fantasy life here instead] Liam: [I vote this happens until he can actually call her and thus end the convo cos we know they highkey enough to do that]

Dance Team (Noh Taehyun x Reader)

Pairing: Noh Taehyun x Reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: You’re in the same dance team as Noh Taehyun. Everyone admires him and everyone wants to dance with him. Do you have a chance even though you dance a different genre?

Word Count: 2,117

A/N: This was inspired by his 7 Rings cover an it was actually finished a long time ago I just kinda forgot about it. Hope you like it tho.

~Admin J

You loved dancing. It was like an escape from reality. You recently had joined one of the most known dance crews in the country because your best friend was one of the leaders. Next to her was Noh Taehyun, also known as the dance god within the group. Everyone wanted to dance with Taehyun at least once. You too wanted to dance with him, there was just one problem though. The members of your dance group told you to do a cute concept because you were rather small and a bit chubby so you often wore oversized clothing which made you look even cuter. Even though Taehyun was also not the tallest, his sexy concept allowed him to wear heels, which also was something you admired about him. Dancing in heels was hard.

At the moment all of you were preparing for a competition, which meant you could watch Taehyun practice because he used the practice room right after you. However, his newest dance wasn’t a solo, he was dancing together with your best friend. It hurt your heart a little to see your friend dancing such a sensual song together with the guy you had a crush on but you also knew that Eunmi had a boyfriend and would never cheat on him. You really enjoyed their performance.

~*~

“You watched us that often. Do you know the dance by heart already?” Eunmi joked when you walked home together. “I guess.” You agreed on her observation. “Well you were always good at picking up dances.” She admitted. You smiled because of the compliment. Sure you were able to do dances after seeing them only a few times but you never had the chance to show it.

~*~

Practice continued for the next few days, some days Eunmi made you stay a little longer to go through the choreo of her and Taehyun’s dance. You didn’t know why she wanted you to know it but she explained that she was scared of hurting herself because she had to dance with heels so she wanted someone to know the dance. You told her not to say things like that or she would jinx herself and really would hurt herself. At that time you laughed about it, it wasn’t funny anymore when just two days later you received a call from Junhyuk, Eunmi’s boyfriend, that she had broken her ankle.

The first thing you did was visit her in the hospital. Apparently you weren’t the only one that decided to visit Eunmi, as your visit turned into a meeting of the whole dance group. “What are we doing now? We need someone to dance with Taehyun! The competition is in three days!” Yongmi announced acting like she was the leader. Before someone could answer she spoke again “Great if no one else wants to do it I will!” “Actually…” Eunmi tried to interrupt Yongmi but she spoke again. “So no one has any objections? Great Taehyun lets go practice right away.” She grabbed Taehyun’s arm and looked at him with what she thought was a cute face. She didn’t notice Eunmi opening her mouth again you did though and just shook your head signaling her that she should just drop it. You also noticed Taehyun rolling his eyes shortly before Yongmi pulled him out of the room.

The next day you wanted to stay after your own practice to watch Taehyun again but Yongmi kicked you out before you could even protest. You just walked home disappointed that you couldn’t watch Taehyun, his dancing always was the highlight of your day. What you didn’t know was that Yongmi got extremely angry when Taehyun asked if you weren’t staying to watch like usual. Taehyun had to admit he was disappointed you weren’t there, no matter how many times you had watched him and Eunmi practice you still always had those cute reactions.

The next day was the same: you trained, Yongmi kicked you out and then you went to visit Eunmi, she was home already but she had to use crutches. You told her how rude Yongmi had treated you. “Honestly I’m not surprised. She would do everything to be alone with Taehyun.” Eunmi told you. You agreed. “You know Taehyun called me earlier and told me that he doesn’t think Yongmi will be able to learn the dance.” “Why? She is a good dancer isn’t she?” sure, you weren’t Yongmi’s biggest fan but you had to admit she wasn’t a bad dancer. “Taehyun said she is angry because he asked about you.” Eunmi said while wiggling her eyebrows. “He asked about me?” you were surprised you didn’t know he cared about you. “Yeah, because you weren’t there to watch him during his practice.” Eunmi explained.

 On the day of the contest you were really nervous. Not only because of your solo but also because of the problems Taehyun had with Yongmi. He didn’t deserve to lose just because Yongmi couldn’t cooperate. He had practiced for so long. In fact you really were more worried for Taehyun than you were for yourself. Cute dances came easy for you so you had faith that you wouldn’t mess up. And from the judges reactions you seemed to have done well. When you went off stage you searched for Eunmi. She was somewhere in the crowd sitting in a wheelchair, not wanting to stand on crutches the whole time. You found her when Junhyuk called out your name, luckily he was tall so he could spot you easily. He waved you over and it seemed really urgent so you hurried over. When you reached the pair Eunmi held up a bag to you. “What’s that?” you asked taking it. “Yongmi quit. She said Taehyun annoyed her with talking about you all the time. And since you are the only one who can dance the part, I’m counting on you.” You nodded happily. “Quick now, you need to practice once more before going on stage.” Eunmi hushed you making a pushing motion with her hands. You turned around to go, waving back at her one last time when you heard her shout after you “Go get your man!” You shook your head laughing while rushing through the crowd. How could you have thought you would be able to hide your crush on Taehyun from her.

You arrived backstage only to see Taehyun pacing around with a nervous expression. You called out to him and he turned to you with a surprised face. “What are you doing here? Have you seen Yongmi?” he asked. How unprofessional of her to not tell him she quit. “She won’t be dancing today. I will dance Eunmi’s part.” You made sure to empathize Eunmi’s name. “OK I guess that’s fine if you know the choreo.” Taehyun took your hand and pulled you to a room that was originally for him and Yongmi. He was surprised that you knew the whole choreo, he didn’t know you had practiced with Eunmi but it also wasn’t important right now. It was weird being this close to him. Usually you watched the dance from afar suddenly being his partner was way more intimate especially since you had to pretend to be in love. You weren’t sure but you felt like he came closer to you then he was with Eunmi when you watched them practice. After you had gone through the choreo twice it was almost time to go on stage so you quickly went to change. You admired yourself in the mirror. These clothes must be some of the tightest and most revealing clothes you ever wore. And with the heels and fishnet thighs you looked really sexy but you still preferred your oversize clothing. When you came out of the changing room Taehyun was amazed. He never knew you could look that hot, actually he only ever saw you as a cute person before and well, your cuteness and the fact that you were even smaller than him had made him crush on you, but seeing you like this, wearing revealing clothes while looking up at him with an unsure face his heart started to beat faster. “Is it okay?” you asked turning around once so Taehyun could see you from every angle. “You look amazing!” he admitted to which you gave him a shy smile.

Just then a security guard came over to tell you it was your turn. Taehyun offered you his arm and you walked to the stage together. You positioned yourself and waited for the music to start you looked over to Taehyun who mouthed good luck to you. The music started and your bodies started to move naturally. It felt great to dance with Taehyun, the way he gently held your waist when you had to dance together and the longing look in his eyes. It felt so real, you could almost believe he really was in love with you. During the ending pose his lips gently brushed yours. It surprised you because he hadn’t been this close during practice. You were sure it had to be an accident he might have just moved too fast. Taehyun let go of you when the crowd started to cheer. You both bowed to the judges and left the stage together.

“Thank you for dancing with me.” Taehyun said holding out his hand to you. You shook it “Thank you for letting me dance with you.” After that you went to change back into your comfortable clothes but when you came back Taehyun was nowhere to be seen. So you made your way through the crowd to find Eunmi. “Y/N!” she called when she saw you. A few people turned around to see why she was screaming. “When I told you to get your man I didn’t tell you to smooch him in front of everyone!” Your face was red, everybody could hear her since her voice hadn’t gotten quieter. You covered your face with your hands “We did not smooch! It was an accident.” You told her. Eunmi let out a loud laugh “Trust me that was not an accident. Taehyun knows how to control himself.” “Well how would you explain it then?” you questioned her. “Girl are you dumb? He obviously likes you just as much as you like him. You remember that Yongmi quit because Taehyun kept talking about you. Also the two of you were basically eye fucking up there.” “We weren’t eye fucking!” her way of words shocked you, she had never been that straight forward with you. She snorted “Sure you weren’t.” You huffed not wanting to argue with her any longer and walked away.

It was time to announce the winners anyway. Taehyun was still missing and you were worried something might have happened to him. You weren’t able to search for him though because they started to announce the winners. You had managed to get third place with your solo, which was great but you felt a bit off because Taehyun wasn’t there. They went on with announcing the ranking in different categories until they came to the couple dances, which would be you and Taehyun. You had tried calling him twice already but he didn’t answer. When the judges announced third place you got really nervous and tried to call Taehyun once more. When they announced second place you heard the familiar tone of his voice mail. Then they announced first place and your and Taehyun’s name rang around the place. You were surprised they called your name instead of Yongmi and you were actually hesitant to go up to the jury but people behind you pushed you forward. Suddenly someone gripped your wrist and pulled you to the judges. When you looked up you made eye contact with Taehyun. He had a big smile on his face when taking the price from the judges. You were still confused where he had come from. A picture was taken of the two of you but you didn’t even notice. Suddenly Taehyun turned to you and held out a bucket of flowers to you “I know this is sudden but would you like to go out with me?” he asked. You gasped. Had he been away to buy you flowers? How cute of him. “Yes.” You answered his question and took the flowers. Only when the crowd around you started to cheer again you realized that you were being watched. “Oh god.” You sighed and hid your face behind the flowers. Taehyun laughed at your direction and led you out of the crowd. He took you out to get ice cream together and basically that’s how your relationship with Taehyun had started.