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humanitys-strongest-bamf · 5 months

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"get me a damned matcha" | Epilogue

{{ Chapter 25: June III }} Chapter Directory

SURPRISE

who would i be if i didn't end this with a smutty epilogue

✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, levi and reader moving into a house, smut (minors go away), my farewell to this monster of a fic and i am both relieved and crying at the same time ✧ word count ➼ ~2.5k

“I fucking told you it wouldn’t fit.”

“Shut up before I leave you on the side of the road.”

You huffed in frustration as you crossed your arms, glaring at Levi as he struggled to get one of your larger suitcases out of the car. Realizing that there wasn’t a delicate solution to this crisis, you groaned and crawled into the car from the front, planting your foot on the back of the suitcase to shove it out.

Once you saw that Levi had lowered the suitcase onto the ground successfully, you crawled back out, patting at the skirt of your sundress so that it fell back over you properly and to shake off any dirt that you might have stumbled upon.

You turned around and looked up at what was technically the cause of all your stress just now. You were finally moving into the house that you and Levi had bought together. You had been saving up for it for a while now and finally got everything settled. Now you just had to actually get everything from your old apartment here, which was just more tedious than it was difficult.

Sighing, you brought your left hand up, running your fingers over the engagement ring to ensure that it didn’t get damaged during the rough movement. It was a fairly simple ring with a small diamond in the center, but it was still expensive and had a lot of sentimental value, so you’d be devastated if something actually happened to it.

You looked over towards your fiancé, noting how stressed he was already looking. Levi was running his fingers through his hair to get it out of his eyes and huffed after finally getting the oversized suitcase out of the car and onto the ground.

It had been roughly five years since you graduated at this point, which translated to 5-6 years living in that apartment on campus. Moving into a house was definitely an upgrade, but you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t feel like you were leaving something behind.

It was a long time coming. The two of you had gathered too many items for the apartment to store, and with your income steadily increasing as you moved on from being students to working adults, buying a house was the logical next step. Your book had long been published and you were currently teaching at a private high school that focused on humanities—something you appreciated. It allowed you to help nurture that type of creativity. Levi had graduated with his PhD, despite his consistent commentary over whether he’d actually be able to obtain his degree or not. In addition to having his own lab, he got hired on as an adjunct faculty at the university. You weren’t connected to the university in any way, but you could already tell that Levi was the hardass professor that all the students were kind of afraid of, but was actually super understanding once someone actually reached out. He fit the archetype, even if he wouldn’t admit to that himself.

You gave Levi a quick kiss on the cheek, gently patting at his other cheek as you began to wheel the suitcase inside, making sure to balance Marmalade’s kennel on it as you rolled both compartments forward.

Once you finally made your way in through the door, the first thing you did was set Marmalade’s kennel down onto the ground, opening the gate to give him the option to explore if he was interested.

The house was small, but cozy. It still had that ‘new house’ smell and had a neat wooden interior, although it currently seemed quite empty since you had yet to bring in any furniture other than your bed that you just purchased and set up a few days ago. It was going to be stressful having to furnish in addition to preparing for the wedding that was happening in a few weeks.

Your eyes went wide as you were suddenly reminded of the wedding, realizing that your wedding dress was right behind the suitcase that you just wheeled inside.

You sprinted as if you were running for your life towards the car, panicking as you saw Levi grab onto the garment bag covering your dress.

“Wait, don’t-!” you yelled out as you rushed in front of him, separating him and the dress.

It took him a second to figure out what had just happened, not having expected you to just emerge from the house and instantaneously throw yourself in front of him to act as a barrier between him and your dress.

“What?” he asked with a hint of irritation in his voice.

You took the garment bag and held it close to you.

“No looking.”

Levi immediately rolled his eyes upon realizing why you were so panicked, thinking that the tradition of not being able to see the bride’s wedding dress was absolutely ridiculous.

“Am I at least allowed to look when I’m ripping that thing off you afterwards?”

Your face immediately flushed up at his comment, being caught completely off-guard by his incredibly suggestive comment. You were momentarily at a loss for words as you tightly hugged your dress, somewhat burying your face in embarrassment.

Upon seeing the smug look in his eyes, you immediately rushed back into the house, taking your dress with you, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of making you all flustered.

Your wedding was going to be small—with neither of you being that big of a fan of large gatherings—but you were putting every ounce of spare energy you had into trying to make it as special as you could. As a result, the two of you hadn’t really had the luxury of spending time with each other.

After securing your dress in the walk-in closet of your bedroom, you began unpacking the suitcase that you had initially brought in, taking the top of Marmalade’s kennel off once you noticed that he was now exploring the sunroom at the opposite corner of the house.

Sighing after you finally put away all of the kitchen supplies, you grabbed one of the glass cups, getting some tap water to drink. You scrunched up your nose at the aftertaste and it just further motivated you to drive out and pick up the fridge you had ordered so you could get filtered water.

You set the glass down, looking out the window above the sink towards the spacious yard that had come with the house. The idea of settling down with Levi was overwhelming, but also very exciting. You had never expected yourself to get this far. If you had asked yourself five years ago what you’d be doing today, it certainly would not have involved buying a house with your fiancé and soon-to-be husband.

You had heard him walking in through the door, but still jumped a bit when you felt him wrap his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“You done being dramatic?” he mumbled, planting a gentle kiss at the base of your neck.

Tutting in disapproval, you slightly smacked his arm and tried to wriggle out of his grasp, which only prompted him to tighten his hold on you. It was only when you let out a discontented groan that he loosened up enough for you to turn around so that you were facing him.

“Well, I’m sorry if the one tradition I want to follow is for you to not see the dress, but if you’re really so inclined-”

“You’re so stupid,” he cut you off. “I don’t give a shit about the dress.”

You immediately stopped talking as soon as he announced that the topic that was on your mind wasn’t what was bugging him at all.

“Then what are you-”

You understood as soon as planted his lips on yours, stopping any further words that were going to come out of your mouth. He gently moved his lips against yours as his grip on your hips tightened. Wedding planning and finalizing everything for the move had left you two touch-starved and it was driving the both of you nuts.

Pulling him in further against you, your own lips moved in sync with his, going from gentle loving kisses to something a bit more passionate and needy, with your lips parting more once you felt the tip of his tongue running over them.

A quiet moan came out of your throat as his tongue met yours and his hands squeezed at your ass, lifting you up so that you were sitting on the counter. Your hands went from gripping his shoulder to running down his chest and over his abs, tugging at the bottom seam of his shirt to prompt him to take it off.

“Here, really?” he mused as he planted some more gentle kisses along your jawline towards your ear.

“You started it, asshole,” you scolded, although you were slightly out of breath, and it was difficult to hide just how much you were needing him right now.

“Don’t be so impatient,” he whispered into your ear, his lips brushing up against your earlobe, sending shivers throughout your body. He grabbed at your ass again, prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist as he picked you up, planting more kisses on you as he navigated his way to the bedroom.

Levi gently set you down onto the bed and held himself over you as he began to trail kisses along your neck, groaning once he heard the little whimpers coming out of you. He weaved his fingers together with yours with one hand, and your breath got caught in your throat as you felt his other hand ghosting your inner thighs, making you realize how much of your wetness had pooled onto your panties already.

Feeling this made his pants feel almost painfully tight and Levi felt that he would soon be the impatient one if things kept going the way they were.

Since you were wearing a dress with a loose skirt, all he had to do was push it up so that it was bunched around your hips, his fingers gently trailing over your sex as he pushed your panties to the side.

You shivered as you felt his fingers begin stroking at your folds, occasionally pressing down with a bit of increased pressure as the pads of his fingers ran over your now swollen clit. You were mewling into him as you continued to kiss him, your hips bucking up towards his hand, your pussy needy for his fingers.

He continued to gently stroke you, with his middle finger pressing slightly deeper into your heat each time. You gasped once he fully inserted his middle finger into you, and then again once he pulled away and pressed his index finger into you as well. Levi watched you squirming under him with lustful eyes, your moans sounding like music to his ears. He hadn’t even begun to do anything yet and you were already well on your way to becoming a quivering mess underneath him.

You gripped at his shoulder with your free hand as he began pumping his fingers in and out of you, hooking and spreading them as he relished in the sounds coming from your pussy that indicated just how wet you were getting for him. That, plus the way his palm would occasionally rub up against your clit meant it was only a matter of time before you’d approach your high.

Once he heard your breathing destabilize and your tight hole clenching up around him, he pulled his fingers out entirely, immediately drawing out a whine from you as you looked at him, frustrated that he didn’t let you finish.

You watched as he lifted your hips and slid your panties down your legs and off you, using his other hand to unzip his pants to let out his leaky and aching cock. He used your slick that had gathered on his fingers and rubbed it over himself before holding himself over you again, stroking the tip of his cock against your throbbing pussy.

Levi immediately let out a guttural groan at feeling you against even just the tip of his cock. Getting quite impatient himself, he positioned himself and immediately bottomed out into you, drawing out a louder moan of ecstasy to escape from you. He was heaving over you and you were trembling, grabbing onto his shoulders. He hadn’t even begun moving yet, but you were both so touch-starved that he could’ve cummed on the spot if he didn’t control himself.

One of his hands met up with your left hand, weaving your fingers together as he held it down next to your head. You squeezed at his hand as he slowly began to thrust in and out of you, having felt you on him for the first time in nearly two weeks. His thrusts were sloppier and not nearly as methodical as they usually were and it soon became next to impossible to quiet down your moans.

His other hand traveled down to your clit and began rubbing at the sensitive bundle of nerves as soon as he felt you begin to clench up around him. You whined as you felt yourself approaching your own orgasm again, your chest rising up as your back arched off the bed. He buried his face into your neck, doing a mix of kisses and biting as he began losing himself to the feeling of you around his cock.

Levi kissed at your cheek before speaking directly into your ear, his voice low yet winded from the pent up sexual frustration.

“You have no idea…” he whispered, his hand gripping at yours, feeling the engagement ring on your finger. “...how much I love you and the fact that I get to call you mine.”

You always were weak for those words. You cried out, mumbling incoherent words as you felt your orgasm coursing through your veins, your other hand gripping at his arm as you whined and panted underneath him.

He matched your whines with a deep and low groan as he thrusted deeply into you, feeling his cock twitching as he fucked himself through his own orgasm, spilling his warm seed into you.

Even after he came down from his high, he continued to hold himself over you, looking at you with that soft expression you’d never get used to, his hair slightly clinging to his forehead from the sweat that had gathered. You were both breathing heavily and your legs were now shaking around him.

You looked into his eyes, your pupils dilated in the aftermath of the intensity of your orgasm fading away. His gaze into your eyes was intense, but soft at the same time, and his grip on you, with one hand holding yours and the other holding your waist, was strong and unwavering.

Reaching up, you placed your hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into another kiss, holding yourself there for a little while longer this time, before whispering to him as you placed your forehead against his.

“Love you too, Ackerman.”

I know I mentioned grieving last week, but I'm 100% still on that train 😭 This was the first long-fic that I've actually published in SUCH a long time and I'm so happy for those of you that stayed throughout the whole thing! Writing this was def a journey and I'm in love with these two dumbasses and probably will be for a stupidly long amount of time. Goodbye for reals! Until next time 🫡 ~Kat #: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004 @whoami-72 @highgoon69 @chaotic-on-main @levishotgf @nube55 @chosos-mascara @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @v4mp-wife @moonchild-angel @astri-ackerman @auriuswolve @noctemys @you-always-made-me-blush @raginginferno267 @sugurusdiscordmoderator @jennamelinda12 @noodlejitsu @nalu-trashytrash @creigh-h @gina239 @inseongsbitch

#n.sfw #levi smut #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #levi #levi ackerman #levi heichou #captain levi #fics: matcha #modern!au levi #coffeeshop!au levi #college!au levi #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk

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mrghostrat · 3 months

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i appreciate all the kindness for my uni rejection, and anyone going through the same thing should def read through my replies if they need similar comfort. there’s a lot of “ATAR isn’t everything!” comments tho, which made me realise i haven’t actually talked much about my goals, so i wanted to share a little context.

i’m 30 (on the 17th). i took a gap year after high school and i went to uni at 19. i even dropped out a semester before graduating to pursue the one thing that was making me happy (my first original comic) during a really bad depression (undiagnosed adhd burnout). i got the last units and graduated a year later, a bachelor of game design.

haven’t used my degree once. i went into comics and freelance rather than games. but i also loved that degree and would do it all again, it was absolutely worth it.

i’ve been freelance and self sufficient for 6-7 years, and it’s fun and i’m proud of the things i’ve made, but i’m so tired. i’m specifically tired of having to work 7 different angles to make up one sufficient salary, and even if it ends up being temporary, i’d give anything for a 9-5. have someone else in charge for once.

got to the end of my rope last year and sat down to figure out what i like and what i’m good at. a Life Plan, yknow. i’ve always had an interest in teaching, helping, connecting like that. figured out degrees and became really invested in this new trajectory i pictured my life going on. i was also tired of waiting, because every time i wanted to move back to the city from this tiny town we’re in, somethings come up or delayed it. so zita helped me figure out how we could get the ball rolling and break our lease 3 months early, so we could move back to melbourne and i could start my degree this year. we looked for (and found) an apartment specifically on the side of the city that would be closest to my campus.

i hope that gives a lil context as to why i’m so devastated right now. the last 5 months have been me revving up to start this new chapter at the end of feb and one little email said nah.

the degree i wanted to do was a double degree, secondary education (hons) and a BA of fine arts. i was equally excited for both, because i never got to do a lot of actual art learning in my last degree, and the BA would give me all of that— life drawing, sculpting, painting, wood/metal/jewellery working, digital, fuckin everything. but it was the less important of the pair, when it comes to getting myself a job as an art teacher, because i already have the art experience. it was just a fun bonus, and the education degree was the one i NEEDED.

in nov i had to travel to melbourne to present a portfolio and interview for the BA. they showed me around the studio too, and i fell a little bit in love. i got the acceptance email in december, but i still didn’t have an offer for the education degree. another reason why i’m so discombobulated— i technically have an invitation, but it’s for the less important degree that would just be a money sink. do i go to uni anyway?? or just ignore this invitation and move on?

my state recently made education/teaching degrees free as a way of encouraging more teacher jobs. i learnt about this after i decided i wanted to pursue teaching, so it was just a fun lil bonus that i wouldn’t be adding to my student debt. apparently not, bc i didn’t think about how every teenager and their dog would apply for teaching degrees so they could get straight into uni without any debt. so, even tho i’m a graduate and i’m not relying on school scores, i was one in a million, likely just numbers on a page, and didn’t get in.

there could be other paths. i could start the BA and add the Edu degree later? i could reapply for mid year intake. i could… idk, most of what i could do requires emailing Monash and asking wtf, because i have no idea what’s actually possible and will need someone to lay it out for me.

still feels like i’ve run into a brick wall though. little bit shut down. more sad, not quite angry, but suddenly really spiteful for some reason— like “oh, you don’t want me? okay fuck you then, i won’t ever teach.” so stupid. just a bit fragile rn

#ghost scribbles

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fischltao · 2 years

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AFTER

pairing: tsukishima kei x gn! reader

summary: tsukishima worries about your future together

warnings: tsukishima and the reader are third years, angst, fluff, heavily inspired by horimiya, swearing, kind of crack? tsuki is baby

a/n: my latest fics have been getting a lot of feedback lately, thank you everyone for your kind words, hope you enjoy this one as well <3 wrote this while listening to be my angel by mazzy star

"just be my angel if you love me, be my angel in the night"

when you met tsukishima kei in your first year in karasuno high, you would've never expected the outcome of that fateful meeting. you had both been a classmate of his and a manager in his volleyball club so crossing paths was bound to be. soon after your first encounter, you fell in love with each other. a small crush that soon blossomed into a wonderful two year relationship.

and two years later, as your salty boyfriend sat across from you in a study date he failed to realize that for the past 30 minutes he hadn't read a single sentence in his textbook and, instead he had been spacing out and staring out the window. he had never thought about what it would've been like being apart from you, there had had never been an actual reason to think so after all. yet a comment by his older brother felt like a slap throwing him back to real life.

"you both are third years now! do you think you'll be together after graduation"

will we be together after graduation? will they want to be with me still? what is going to happen after graduation?

it had been bothering him for a while actually. of course he could've talked to you and the pair of you would communicate your way out of it. however it scared him to think about confronting you about it because what would happen if you still didn't want to be with him after graduation? would you be over right then and there?

he snapped out of his thoughts the moment you settled over his lap and squished his cheeks together, a habit you picked up during your time together whenever you noticed him spacing out. he always acted annoyed but truth is, he loved it. he loved everything about you.

"what's gotten you staring at your neighbors' fence like that? do you not like their new one?" you joked, moving your head to playfully bite at his neck as he kissed your forehead. you expected him to act like he was disgusted and pinch your leg or something but you were surprised when all he did was pull you closer and hug you tighter against his chest "baby whats wrong?"

"nothing's wrong idiot" he whispered tilting his head to rest at the curve where your neck meets your shoulder

"then why are you clinging on me like a koala, hm? not saying that i mind but you need to talk to me kei, i'm here for you" and he knew it. he knew that you loved him just as much as he loved you, which made it harder for him because even if you loved him now, would you grow apart after high school?

"will you still be here after we graduate?"

"in miyagi? yes babe I'll be attending college in sendai city, i thought we talked about this before, didn't we?"

"no idiot i know i mean-" pause "here"

"oh" he wasnt really sure if he liked your reaction. maybe he should've been more prepared before asking you because his nerves had been eating him alive, waiting for you to answer and god were you taking your sweet time"i guess it's time right?"

if he thought he was about to have a heart attack earlier, he definitely would now.

"time for what baby?"

"please make it quick kei"

"what the hell are you talking about"

"huh?" and it was then that he pushed his head off your shoulder to look at you, both of you staring at each other in confusion "oh you're not going to break up with me? ive thought about this a lot and i figured you wouldn't want to be with me after we graduate so i guessed you would just break up with me now"

he looked at you as if you just hit his mother's head with a cast iron pan.

"STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT IT SCARES ME"

what you didn't expect next was for him to burst out laughing. and now it was your turn to look at him like he hit your mother's head with a cast iron pan.

"you idiot" he exclaimed in between laughter "i thought you wanted to break up with me"

"be fucking for real"

"im serious"

"kei why would i not wanna be with you? i love you"

"i don't know, i thought that maybe you'd want to do other stuff after high school that wouldn't include me- well us. akiteru asked me if we'd still be together after graduation and i didn't know what to say, it kind of took me out" he said,now fully serious "but i dont care about graduating or anything i-i dont want to be apart from you you know? your stupid ass has grown on me"

"yeah i would hope so after two years" you deadpanned "you should've talked to me about it, i-i was thinking the same thing, guess we both worried over nothing, huh?" and with that you laid your haid on his shoulder once again, tracing shapes on his chest with your fingers of the hand that wasnt latched in his sweatshirt.

"y/n?"

"hm?"

"marry me in the future, will you?"

"i'd marry you in any life,kei"

the end.

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dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you · 1 year

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best friends to lovers destiel au fic recs list for @thetiredstuff :D

A Tale of Two Tropes by Amelia_Clark (E, 7k)

“Am I going to regret this?” Cas asked from the passenger seat.

They’d just pulled up outside Dean’s grandmother’s house, a tidy Craftsman bungalow painted a cheerful yellow. It didn’t look threatening; there was a porch swing with crocheted cushions and a cement statue of a goose on the porch. The goose was wearing a rain slicker and hat the same color as the house.

In this fic: fake dating, bed-sharing, the doting grandmother Dean Winchester never had, a cement goose with a wardrobe, a contemptuous cat, and a lot of sexual tension that's unresolved until it isn't.

As You Walk On By by MercyBraavos (E, 23k)

Dean and Castiel grew up together. Fell in love together. Lost their virginity together. Made plans for the future, their future, together. There’s only one problem:

Castiel doesn’t remember any of it.

Are We Any Different? by LeviathanBlue, SerpentCountess (T, 41k)

Cas adopts (steals) a cow. Dean helps.

“Cas… There’s a… There’s a cow. In my room.” “Yes, Dean.” “Why?” “Because.” "Right."

More Than Kisses by FriendofCarlotta (E, 29k)

1996: Dean joins his high school’s pen pal program as a last-ditch effort to keep from repeating the eleventh grade. But soon, the letters he trades with Castiel, a fellow high schooler from Chicago, become the most important constant of his life.

2005: Castiel has been in love with his pen pal Dean for years now. But he’s reluctant to upset the balance of their relationship, so when a new work opportunity takes him to Dean’s city, he keeps it a secret. Will these two ever find their way to each other?

things i knew when i was young by stormwarnings (T, 16k)

Ok, so Castiel's in love with his best friend.

Which is what puts them here, in Dean’s car, eight hours into a nine and a half hour drive up north to bury Castiel’s mother on the grounds that he grew up on. Because it’s been eight years since Castiel cut ties with his family and left, supposedly for college, and there hasn’t been a word of communication since. Because Dean is, at his core, a good person and a better friend, and when he heard that Castiel’s mother had died and that he would need to return to his childhood home over Thanksgiving break, he knew enough to say he’d go with him.

This is, for sure, not helping Castiel get over his inappropriately persistent feelings.

(more under the cut)

Alright by turningthepages (T, 46k)

Dean is a good kid living in a good town surrounded by good friends and good family. Castiel is the new kid in town and has never truly had a friend before.

Dean comes along and starts to change things for him.

To Build a Home by intothesilentland (M, 383k)

Twenty-three years of head-over-heels, devastating devotion and love, love, love for the man with bright eyes and dark hair. Fourteen years of friends, best friends, of always together. One moment of rejection.

Nine years of apart. Nine years of heartbreak, nine years of continents away, of not speaking, of no acknowledgement, no interaction, no closure, no peace. No happiness. Nine years of Dean’s life entering motions, going through them, constant, cold and mechanic, like clockwork. Nine years of alone.

God. Nine years. A lot has changed. And yet Dean still loves Cas just the same. Even if his heart hurts all kinds of different.

On the day of Jimmy Novak's funeral, Dean sees Cas for the first time in nine years. He adored Castiel the moment he met him, at only four years old. But after fourteen years of friendship destroyed by one moment of heartbreak, and after nine years of silence, Dean is convinced Cas will want nothing to do with him. And it's killing him.

When In Vegas by Dmsilvis, TobytheWise (E, 16k)

Dean has figured out the most perfect prank. The prank to top every other prank. Ever. Getting his best friend drunk and then convincing him they’d gotten married in their drunken stupor was easy. Dealing with Castiel telling him he’s been in love with Dean for years? Well, that’s a different thing entirely.

Castiel wakes up married to the love of his life who he’s been secretly pining over for years. Now he just has to convince Dean that he’ll be the best husband ever, making sure Dean will never regret the decision he made that night.

Things take a terrible turn when Castiel finds out everything was a lie in the name of a prank just as Dean realizes how much he truly loves Castiel back. Will they be able to overcome this misunderstanding or was their relationship doomed before it even started?

The Ocean Between Us by noxsoulmate (E, 27k)

Living a hermit life, Dean Winchester didn’t need much. The only things important to him were his position in the business that was once owned by his family, his boat, and his friendship with Castiel, Charlie, and Gabriel. If only there wasn’t a whole ocean between them, then maybe he could even give his feelings for Castiel a chance …

Room for Two (The Mattress AU) by almaasi (E, 14k)

✔ College roommates ✔ Buying a mattress together ✔ Faking a relationship to get a discount ✔ Sharing a bed ✔ Roleplaying as a couple to "test the bed" ✔ Fake kissing becomes real kissing ✔ Fake sex is Way Too Real ✔ Cuddling ✔ Wet dreams ✔ "Oh no I thought I was dreaming but it was real life" ✔ Matchmakers Sam & Charlie ✔ Cas seems kinda clueless but actually understands everything ✔ Mutual respect, support, and understanding ✔ Friends to lovers ✔ Mutual pining ✔ Go౦ԁ sHit

Honey-Baked by mishaminion69, sydkn3e (E, 89k)

There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it...Cas is a weird, tactless, ornery guy. His idea of a job is selling weed out of their shared cabin, his idea of fun is occasional orgies, and he has more creepy dolls and crystals than anyone of their age ever should.

But he's also Dean's childhood best friend, and now he's the star of all Dean's wildest fantasies.

Then there's the whole "being in love with him" thing.

The Ones We Choose by lightmyway (E, 82k)

After telling his family he’s gay, Castiel winds up homeless. With the help of his best friend, Cas finds himself a home and a new family. He also finds himself in love with his best friend. A love that endures no matter the circumstances of their lives, even in the wake of Dean’s rejection.

Despite knowing how Cas feels, Dean clings to his best friend through the years. In high school and college. As roommates. Through Cas becoming a firefighter and his own journey to become a business owner. With shared time and space, Dean begins to see Cas in a new light. His attraction grows, along with his feelings.

Letting those feelings spill out one night, Dean changes the trajectory of their lives. As their relationship grows, they are confronted by Cas’s past and must relive a painful and damaging event in Dean’s life. But it is the life-changing fire, which is their greatest challenge, making them face their deepest fears and test the strength of their love.

#spn #spn fanfic #destiel

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bekkathyst · 1 year

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Sometimes it really hits me how much has happened since I’ve been on this website and have had my little shop. Idk if it’s nostalgia or just procrastination of my current to-do list but I feel like writing out a little synopsis of what’s happened over the years lol. Also for any new followers, you can catch up haha

Also there will be some vague mentions of rough/traumatic circumstances, so just a warning!

I opened my first tumblr account when I was still in high school in like 2009 because all my friends were on here. I had like a fashion blog at one point, a recipe blog at another, but eventually I settled into my little witchy nature crystal niche where I felt the most at home.

In 2013 I was living in a horrible studio apartment in central Los Angeles with my now husband Antonio and we were living in poverty. He was being paid under the table below minimum wage and I was an unemployed high school dropout. I was struggling to find any kind of job and I also knew that it would be impossible for me to keep one because of how I am. (Which at the time I didn’t realize was the result of neurodivergence and a lot of trauma). I was just happy to be away from the abusive home I grew up in and I was really determined to make things work somehow, as impossible as it seemed. Eventually I decided I needed to just work for myself. A job wasn’t going to fix anything for me, and where I was wasn’t safe for me to be walking to and from a job anyway. I dealt with a lot of harassment every time I left my apartment so I pretty much became a hermit for the years I lived there.

One weekend with $10 from our grocery budget I went to a little shop that sold tumbled stones on the Redondo Beach pier and decided to buy a couple and some wire and make some pendants. I also had quite a few stones from my collection from childhood and I used those, too. And I opened my first Etsy shop! I honestly cringe when I look back at pictures of my work from this time, I’d really like to think I’ve come a long way lol.

It took several months to get a single sale and at least a year before I had any kind of consistency. For the next couple of years I worked on my little shop while Antonio went to work. In 2015 we decided that my shop was making just enough for us to work on it together and move somewhere else. So we ended up finding a mobile home for rent on some lady’s horse ranch in the mountains of unincorporated riverside county and we moved there.

We planned to stay for quite a while, but before even a year had passed, life drastically changed again. In early 2016 my little sisters came forward about the abuse they were facing and our father was arrested and a years long criminal court case began. Because my mother was undocumented and had spent the last 20 years pretty much just hiding at home, all their care fell on me. We took in my mom and my 3 sisters and had to move. We found another manufactured home in the same area and we all moved in together. I was truly not financially or emotionally prepared for this and it was extremely difficult. On top of that we were all very traumatized. I had not yet been open about the abuse I had faced because I wasn’t ready.

Amid that struggle is when my mom decided to start working with us as well! And she helped us grow our shop some more until we were a little more stable. Eventually we realized we had to find a bigger home and in 2017 I finally got to realize my goal of living in the big mountains and we found a lovely big house in Big Bear.

Actually during this time I have gaps in my memory so there are some things I start to mix up, but shortly after we moved I also decided to come forward about the abuse I faced which unfortunately further complicated the court case. We were looking at a trial date in 2018 which would eventually get pushed to 2019. But during 2018 my niece was born and I also ended up taking in one of my half brothers as well. So our household was now 9 people that were all surviving off of my shop’s income. Also during this time (I think it was actually 2017) we had been talking to one of our suppliers about taking over their wholesale warehouse near Los Angeles. It was presented as a huge business opportunity and I saw it as a chance to better things for us and hopefully ease the struggle. Taking this opportunity actually did the exact opposite. We were quite honestly deceived and ended up being straddled with a failing business. I lived 2017, 2018 and most of 2019 in a haze. Like I mentioned, I really don’t remember much and sometimes I see posts I made during that time and I’m really surprised by them. I think it was just the combination of extreme stress, burn out, sleep deprivation from trying to run 2 businesses and taking care of a massive household, and the trauma of having to recall all these repressed memories from my childhood.

But, somehow I survived. The plus side of coming forward about my abuse is that it gave me access to free therapy and I ended up finding the most incredible therapist that helped me start my healing and recovery from burnout.

Eventually in early 2019 our court case happened and we all testified in front of a jury, and our father was found guilty and is now serving a 300 year plus sentence. It took me the rest of that year to come out of the haze I’d been living in. After the court case, I decided to take the leap and open our brick and mortar shop in Big Bear. It was the thing I actually wanted to do with all my heart.

Then… 2020 came around. Covid hit and it was the final nail in the coffin for our warehouse business. We closed it and gave up. My other half sibling that was working at the warehouse ended up moving in with us as well and so did a friend of mine, so at this point our household was at 11 or so people and we were beginning a pandemic. I had also found out that I was pregnant.

Finding out I was pregnant caused the biggest flip of a switch in my brain. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was living anymore. I couldn’t keep burning myself out and over extending myself to people. I had to put up some kind of boundaries and create a healthier environment. With the help of my amazing therapist supporting me, I made this a reality. It’s also when I finally decided that as soon as we could, we’d be moving to Austria, the country my mother was from, where I had also lived as a young child. I knew I had to make life better, I knew I had to release all of this chaos.

In early 2021, still of course in the middle of a pandemic, our landlord said he wanted to sell our house so we needed to move out and he would not be renewing our lease. This was right when the housing shortage really started to hit our area. I had an infant daughter and all these people in my care and I was very scared. By some miracle we found a listing for a house in the high desert, about a half hour away from our brick and mortar shop and we went for it. We knew we had no other options. At this point most of my household went their own ways and found their footing. So me, Antonio, our infant daughter, my mom, my youngest sister, and my toddler niece all moved to this house in the desert. I knew that this was temporary and I told myself I would not be here for longer than a year. Once our year lease was up, we’d make it to Austria.

It was a lot of work and honestly I probably could have made some smarter choices now that I look back, but early 2022 we sold all our inventory from our brick and mortar shop to a wholesaler and closed it up. And then we moved!

And now here we are, a continent away from where we started. Much happier, much healthier. Now we’re not selling nearly on the scale as we were before, but I know that with time we’ll be back to the level we were at. And I really hope to open a brick and mortar store somewhere in Austria sometime soon.

It really amazes me that some of you have been here from the beginning. It feels like several lifetimes have passed, but it also feels like it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I’m really so thankful for the opportunity I had to grow and learn so much and heal. I feel like I’m a completely different person than the desperate girl who started an Etsy shop in 2013.

And… this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s still so much more that happened. When I first started seeing my therapist she encouraged me to write my story in a book, and it’s definitely something that I plan to do one day. I don’t think a younger version of myself would believe everything we survived. 🙏💜

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crashtestjeffy · 6 days

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Tuesday

We never got supper last night. Which was pretty depressing. My daughter managed to make some frozen fries and cheese. And I w ent without. Poverty and being disabled is evil.

Yesterday I got an appointment that could, if I can get the damn doctor to listen, begin making sense of all my health issues. I was talking to someone in the health profession (off the record) and they said "You have all these issues and the doctor is just treating them and not looking at the big picture. All of them are symptoms of a few issues and I think the most likely could be an autoimmune disorder". And I went home and read about the shit and thought 'Holy shit, that is everything I got' so...

If my doctor refuses to listen and at least allow me to allay my concerns I will ask to see another doctor. This has got to stop where I go in and the doctor writes a script and leaves after 8 minutes.

The weather is not predicted to be very good until Friday. So I cannot get a ride in on my bicycle. Incidentally whenever I unlock my bike and get going in my head the song "Bicycle Race" by Queen starts to play and I see many buxom women topless on bicycles in my head as was the clip they made of the song and the cover. A source of my early sexual awareness.

In my early sexual awareness I did learn that fat bottomed girls indeed do make the world go round.

I am at a loss at what to do about my daughter and her attitude toward attendance at school. She seems to view it as laissez faire. And will not listen to me about how her attendance now effects her habits and commitments later and it's a bad habit to create. It makes it more frustrating that she treats every silly 4 hour shift at her part-time job as sacred. And becomes quite emotional about missing one.

Ironically (or not) as a socialist and a fuck the system dude, I also have to fight against my internal dialogue that says that school is just the machine that programs kids to become drones in a workforce of obedient fodder for the bourgeoise. And that she should never consider the rules she is learning now as unbreakable if it means changing who you are and how you think about the system.

But I can't tell her that. The kid already skips way too much school...I would be giving her the keys to the candy store if I told her that right now.

I am struggling lately with how I turned out and how if I and followed the system I might have a much happier life. Even if everything about that nauseates me. But this was all triggered by a dream I had about a girl I was madly in like or crushing on in junior high. In the dream we met at some kind of reunion and fell in love and she held my hand and it was beautiful. When I woke up I looked her up on Facebook and she seems to have the perfect suburban life and is still very beautiful. Married with three kids and lots of photos of her on beaches taken from behind while she looks contemplative...as is the order of the IG gods. And cottage photos of her feet in a canoe as is the order of the Canadian IG gods.

But that's not my life. My life is a cramped apartment and struggle. Though I guess kids like me had a place. When we were in grade 9, a kid got kind of rude and aggressive with her so...I knocked out one of his teeth. Because I was a teenage dirtbag baby...Anyway, I got suspended for like two weeks (school was much more accepting of beating the shit out of each other back then) and my parents paid to have the tooth fixed, which they made me pay back from my job at the bowling alley. It was not nearly as noble as it sounds. I was still terrified to speak to her and she never even acknowledged me till two years later.

Life, it's what happens when you're making other plans.

I am fucking hungry. And broke for a few more days. If I was more agile I would lean on a skill I had back then as well...shoplifting. Dudes, I could walk out with half a store in my jacket and a fancy fuck you to the retail gods. That would be a dream right now. But in my current rickety state I would probably be caught and punched out by loss prevention whole some snot-nosed kid filmed it for TIk Tok.

Fuck my life. Please buy me lunch?

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sleepychaika · 11 months

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so. ive been thinking a lot. about omori and about what might ensue post-SUNNY route ending. [omori spoilers ahead]

one thing about me is that if i join a fandom, it usually--with some exceptions--means that i mainly enjoy a piece of media as a form of escapism. so like. feel-good stories. or maybe excruciatingly painful stories but they have a good ending that leaves you happy, hopeful, whatever. good friends, best friends, an OTP or two--you know the drill i guess. not saying i only enjoy light stories, it's just that i'm always finding a way to sneak in something happy in there, or finding fandoms that know how to do that.

omori. might be my first hyperfixation (= a story which forever and ever will be among my most favorites even when the obsession dies down) which i can't enjoy in the same way i've been enjoying other stories (don't get me wrong i'm still enjoying it immensely)

because

there is no happy ending i think. as in, that's just not possible? my opinion on that is not set in stone, but for now that's how i feel about it

and my deal is that i Love the characters, i Love the potential in ships like sunflower- ok. grips your, whoever's reading this, shoulders. i love love LOVE the dynamic those two had before things went south. these silly kids were so cute together. But what i love even more (not because it makes me feel fuzzy anymore but because good storytelling) is how it makes perfect sense (to me) that it would be incredibly heckin unhealthy for them to start any sort of relationship. ultimately, i doubt they're even capable of becoming friends again, not just after what happened with mari, but also after what sunny has put himself and basil through

which is nuts. when you're used to, like, thinking about characters (either on their own or OTPs) and twirling your hair and kicking your feet giddily, when you'd actually like to go ^__^ and draw them being sweet together, and then you're faced with the sheer tragedy of the whole gang in OMORI, it's. let's just say oughhhggfggghhgggggbbbh.

it happened and, snap, everything fell apart. FOUR years of nothing, despite all of them living In The Same Town. they have already grown apart tremendously. i can see it, they graduate from high school and that's it—moving from faraway town, maybe not keeping in touch at all. why would they want to, if the memories are so painful, and if the memories that are good not just seem, but really are so distant now? it's healthy to find new friends, to continue living this new life away from the old one.

it makes sense, it all makes perfect sense!!!!!, and yet it's so damn hard to accept the likelihood of that outcome when you've been looking so long through the eyes of sunny/omori who's been abusing escapism biggg time. it's the contrast between how his dream world is and how the real world is that gets me the most, i think!

like, i have another favorite story, evangelion. it's also very tragic but... there is no contrast, the atmosphere in the world of eva has always been kind of hopeless, you just calmly watched things fall apart. OMORI, on the other hand, has that added contrast, and the SUNNY route ending is more bittersweet than utterly hopeless, and maybe that's what makes me wanna crawl up the wall haha!!!!! :'D :'D :'D

so i see all of these post-ending headcanons about how the gang would hang out together, all the ships, and like. 👍👍👍!!! but i can never fully, idk, buy it? it all seems...just a tad too good to be true? like an AU or something :(

i'm not complaining at all though. i enjoy the optimistic fancontent tremendously as well; this just is how the storyline of OMORI makes me feel, and i love it for what it is (to me). long ass speech is over, entering my silly mode again

#.txt #omori #omori spoilers #ive only played the snuuy route #have only gotten two endings #maybe exploring further and also playing the other route (both of which i plan on doing) might change my whole outlook #maybe not #by exploring further i mean getting neutral endings #😔 i want the best for the gang's friendship but. sighh

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flukeoffate · 7 months

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Just some random thoughts about my own height and childhood.

I was 5’11” (roughly 181cm according to google) by the time I was 11 years old. Full grown woman at eleven.

I kinda want to know what it’s like to NOT feel like you are literally Robin Williams in the movie “Jack”, but you are a woman and somehow it feels even more unforgivable?

I looked like a grown adult in a children’s classroom. I wonder if other people have a better idea of what it feels like to grow up—I look at my sister’s kid, who is almost 13 and is still obviously a child, but a growth spurt very quickly on the way, and I’m like, wow. How are kids this short? He’s not short really, I’m just tall.

I didn’t feel like an ‘adult’ when I graduated high school. I grew up before I realized it was happening. I’d been taller than most of my teachers and my mother for years. I thought most or my peers saw me as an ogre with an anxiety problem and was into anime before it was cool, thus I was dubbed insane and childish by many people in high school. Maybe I was childish, but hey I was expected to take on adult responsibilities by the time I was 12—after all if you are adult sized, you are ready to help around the house, babysit grandma after school every day because she is senile and can’t even take herself to the bathroom anymore, and have all your homework done, before swim practice and dance class! Right? Well, what tween would NOT resort to anime or other visual media? I couldn’t handle more work. You crave distraction and fun stories are great for that kind of relief.

The point is, age wise, I was a child, and I was beholden to the rules and laws associated with childhood. Socially, people were prepared to treat me as an adult, one who often did not seem to belong. And so…after high school, I think I just turned into a person who felt like I needed permission from a higher power at all times to do things. I wasn’t rebellious. I felt like nothing had changed from school and so I followed any path that an ‘adult’ put before me. I always feel like I’m looking for approval from someone in charge. I’m still stuck in that mindset a bit and I’m nearly 40. I’m trying to break free of that mentallity…cuz I’m a fucking adult and I can’t keep looking at my peers and thinking: I must impress them with my poise, I must make myself smaller, I must use every masking technique I’ve ever learned to do with m blatant adhd just to make people like me. I keep thinking “I’m too irresponsible”, “I’m too loud”, “Now, I’m too antisocial.”

I think the Barbie Movie has me thinking about this a lot, given the plot and the characters. Like, I’m here wishing I could see myself in my teens. I have few photos. I wish I realized that I was actually really good looking…and frankly if I got past the fact that some of the peers i compared myself to weren’t ‘skinny’. They were still kids. I had regular thighs for my size. Other kids had thighs the width of my forearm. I developed a mild Barbie dislike, but not a hatred. I don’t hate dolls or Barbie at all. It was just weird. No one seemed my height till college and even then it was only a small portion of my friends.

Anyway, I’m trying to break free of all this nonsense. I’m an adult and I have a brain and ability to take my own life in my hands. I have recently replaced my ancient iMac with a top of the line model and and have reorganized my workspaces. I’m gonna work hard to get myself into some more art related pursuits, which might mean I’ll be going through an internet identity change. It’s time for a change. I want to make a little money from my art for once. I need to feel like…if my safety nets fell apart, I can climb back up.

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what-if-nct · 1 year

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Tagged by @karetahana Thank you for tagging me hon🌸🌸💕

Are you named after anyone??

Kind of so my mom named me something completely different but my Grandma changed my name when she came to get me from the hospital. My first name was originally Jasmine but my Grandma changed it to Joyce cause it sounded like my Grandpa's name George. My middle name is a disaster cause my aunt chose it, its horrible and i hate and i want to change it to Jasmine. I do think Joyce fits me as a first name better though

When is the last time you cried??

Monday, the usual no one has ever loved me and never will, im fine.

Do you have any kids??

No unless my stuffed animals count.

Do you use sarcasm a lot??

Not often, sometimes.

What’s the first thing you notice about people??

Their hair, it's the first thing my eyes go to especially if it's like a bright color or a cool style.

What’s your eye color??

Brown.

Scary movie or happy ending??

Happy Ending. I just want everything to be like a Barbie movie and it works out perfectly. I didn't like the craft's ending because Nancy, Rochelle and Bonnie Deserved better. Like they didn't even do anything wrong, they were no where too taken over by power.. In this power point I will explain how Sarah was the actual problem.

Any special talents??

I can touch my head with my foot, I can even easier touch my nose with my foot, does that count? Is that a talent.

Where were you born??

Florida

Do you have any hobbies??

I collect dolls and I sew. the amount of clothes I've taken apart and sew into completely different things. I turned a long sleeve top into a spaghetti strap top and im really proud of it. I just never wear long sleeve tops unless its off the shoulder and cause it had a velvet cheetah print heart that said Bratz and cheetah print neckline I couldn't so I changed it and was able to keep the neckline intact also had to take it in cause it was pretty big in the waist.

Do you have any pets??

Yes, I have a sister. She's a good pet and I love her.

What sports do you/have you played??

I was a cheerleader and also did dance through middle and high school. Random story no one asked for I only learned to do a split out of spite because the head cheerleader while the coach was out went down the line to ask who could do a split and skipped me cause I was the biggest cheerleader. But I am unnecessarily flexible so every night I practiced doing a split and it took me like a week to do it. And I heard some of the other cheerleaders say I was only on the team to be a base. First of all I was the only bitch there with rhythm and who was good a choreography because I was also in dance. Like Just because I'm fat it doesn't mean anything. One thing about me, being fat has never stopped me from doing anything. The way other people treated me for being fat hurt as a child and was the sole reason I fell into depression and self harm. But I stopped caring what other people think a long time ago, like fuck everyone who has a problem with fat people that has nothing to with us. Their just fucking little bitches. I may have went on a tangent there.

How tall are you??

Legally 5'7 but I can't accept it so in my mind 5'8. Yes, an inch matters, my whole life was a lie.

What was your favorite subject in school??

Art and Dance, in 12th grade I had like almost all electives beside English and math and I didn't have PE! Like it was the best thing ever.

Dream job??

Princess, but like in the sense where I can wear a tiara and go to balls and be pampered but with out all the rules.

I tag @theficblog @hopeticket @dibidibidismynameisleeknow @joonsbonsailurks @jjongolese @jonghyuns-husband @ncityinthebuilding @farraige25 @simply-elegantly-kai @tremendousmasculinity , @kumigrlrl you dont have to do it if you dont want to and I also tag anyone who wants to do it.

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team-heichou · 2 years

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Steddie Time Travel AU Part 1 i guess

The credit for the Idea goes to: @enough-is-a-fools-dream

People who wanted to be tagged: @thefandomchaos @cloud-fizz @sharpbutsoft

CW: Mentions of Death, a little Sadness, swearing

I read that and thought the whole day about it, little disclaimer English is not my first language and i rarely post anything i write but this idea is really good and i really wanna write it so here is my take on that wonderful Idea. Spelling Mistakes and Grammar are maybe not the best (Sorry!) I don’t have a beta reader ><. I hope all of you still have fun with it!

Steve Harrington jolted awake in his bed screaming his soul out. But he screamed to a empty house like always. And if his parents were around nobody bothered to come looking. Confusion settled in his bones, his head was foggy. Why was he at his parents house? He already moved out with the shitty wage he made at Family Video. “What the hell, am i still dreaming?” he looked around and nearly tripped when he got out of bed. What day was it, did he drunk so much that he just crashed at his parents house? He looked around taking in his room, that couldn’t be right. This wasn’t real. On his desk laid the Homework he never did in December of 1984. “What the fuck” he looked at his clock it was nearly time for school. One look out of the window showed him snow. “Okey Harrington stay cool, you fought Demodogs and Russians and Vecna. So waking up in the past is not so strange is it? Just...go to school and figure out what the hell is going on” he mumbled to himself and tried to calm his fast beating heart. He tried to push down his panic, he nearly hyperventilated. So when this was 84 the last year of school. Robin wouldn’t know that they are best friends, Dustin already was his friend and Eddie Munson was still alive. His breathing calmed down and he shoved his school stuff in his backpack heading down to his car. Wait what day exactly is today? On his schoolwork was December. What if he was here for a reason? This was crazy, like really crazy. His thoughts spiralled on and on while he drove to school. His panic faded into nothingness, time travel sounded like a piece of cake compared to the last 2 weeks of his life. He tried not to care so much shoving and pressing down all his feelings painfully hard, since Eddie’s Death and Max’s coma. The truth was he cared way to much. So he barely made it through most of the days.

The last time he had a Senior Year he fell apart, practically loosing his Girlfriend and the title of King of Hawking’s High in a day. No friends, no one who cared and than he helped the kids and got his face smashed in from Billy. This stupid title meant nothing and he felt pretty stupid that he ever cared about that at all or how popular he was.

The parking lot was full of people and Steve’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he saw Eddie Munson’s Van. So he really was alive. At this moment Steve Harrington abandoned all logic. He was here. He had no idea how or how to get back, and he didn’t even care that much about it. This was better, that the time he came from. When he thought about it in 84 he still was a douche kind of. But maybe, he could get to know Eddie Munson sooner. Would have time with him. The hair on his arms prickled with Goosebumps, when he thought about Eddie’s dead body to heavy to lift out of the Upside down. He knew Eddie just for some days, and it still had hurt to lose him. Time, he had thought when he cried himself to sleep every night after the fight with Vecna. All i need is Time. And now he had Time. Who cared about the how and why.

Steve Harrington slammed his Car Door shut and got back into school again. His eyes glued to Eddie. Steve tracked every movement the Metal Head made, and felt like a Stalker doing so. He thought about all the ways he could do this just crashing one of his Hellfire meetings? Or asking him to hang out some time? When the break came he decided to fuck this and just to do it. He knew exactly where to find Eddie. In the Woods, by the table.

“Munson! Hi!” Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin when Steve approached him.

“For gods sake Harrington! The fuck are you doing out here!” Eddie Munson looked at him like he was a pink elephant or something.

“Can i spent the break here? I wanted to ask you something” Steve was strangely nervous. Come on Harrington you know how to make friends with someone your not that lost and awkward.

“I don’t know if you can, King Steve. But sit down, ask” Eddie mocked the other boy. He was always so theatrical. Steve sat down. “Do you have a joint?”

Eddie shook his head breaking out in a smile. Leaning forward, a whole table was between them but he was oh so close. “Oh does the King need something to distract himself?”

“I need to calm down actually. So do you have a Joint Munson?” Steve cringed at his own tone and closed his eyes for a second. It was freezing cold out here. And it was lightly snowing.

“Yeah, you look like shit” Eddie points out with a confused smile.

“Thanks for pointing that out Munson...” here he wasn’t Steve from the Movie Store here he was King Steve, an Idiot and everything the people secretly gossiped about.

The new found attention of Steve Harrington made Eddie fidgety. He didn’t knew how to act. Was this all, Harrington just needed Weed no big Deal. But the Way he looked at Eddie, almost desperate gave him the creeps.

“Is this a prank or something?” he looked over his shoulder, nearly joking.

“What? No, stop looking i don’t have friends who could jump you Munson. And i am no longer King Steve. Billy is King now. Listen, you hang out with the loners aren’t you?” Steve drummed his fingers on the table.

“That i do, i mean i am Eddie the Freak Munson” Eddie laid a joint in Steve’s Hand slightly brushing his palm with his fingertips. Steve almost blushed. Eddie always had this effect on him. Just baffling him and making him nervous and questioning his sexual orientation with just a look or a soft touch. “But you are no loner Harrington, your popular and cool and every girl in Hawking wants you!” his voice was soft almost soothing, but also had a very mocking undertone that made Steve’s skin crawl. Almost as if he was testing Steve’s reaction. Eddie looked at him so intensely that Steve was tempted to look away. So he didn’t imagined things before the battle with Vecna. There where an irritating sexual attraction between them. This maybe sexual attraction was cause of a lot of sleepless nights in the last Two Weeks.

Steve’s Voice was almost unsteady when he answered “I am cool, but i am not popular anymore, the people i thought were my friends are douchebags and girls don't get me started on them...” he almost groaned rubbing his face with one hand.

Eddie really had no clue what the hell was going on. He was sitting in the snowy woods, with Steve the Hair Harrington talking about how the King of Hawking’s High has fell from grace or something. He fumbled with his fingers. He thought about it for a second, Steve never even looked at him or spoke a word to him before today. At one point he believed Steve Harrington didn’t even knew Eddie existed

“I want to be your friend Eddie Munson. I want to know what goes on in that head of yours. I am practically a looser now so will you hang out with me? Be my friend?” Steve looked at him Eddie’s dark eyes were fixt on him he looked so confused and weary. Eddie stood up abruptly almost as if he needed to force himself to get up and get away. “My place tonight...” He said way to short for Eddie it was unusual. Munson spoke quiet when he said his next words. “One chance Harrington” then he was gone. And Steve was watching him go. It seemed like Eddie Munson really expected the worst of him.

(I am a little short on time so this is all i got for now. Should I continue the story? I would appreciate feedback 💕✨ Likes and Reblogs would made my day )

#stranger things fluff #i wrote this at midnight #steddie #eddie munson/steve harrington #stranger things au

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made-perfect-in-weakness · 9 months

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My Journey to Catholicism

Feel free to read or not. I just wanted to share my experience.

When I was a child, my family didn't speak about God, or Jesus, or religion at all, really, outside an academic context. My grandfather was a Methodist minister, and when we went to visit the grandparents, we knew we had to say "oh my gosh" instead of "oh my God", and if we were there on a Sunday, my brother and I would go to Sunday School and color pictures of Noah and the Ark until our parents came back to claim us. My parents told me I could choose a religion when I got older, if I wanted to.

When I was 12 my parents were getting divorced, and I huddled in my bed after dark, listening to them fight in the room above me, and I prayed to Jesus to make them stop fighting, to keep them together, to make the nightmare end. I prayed quietly, because I didn't want anyone to hear me. I was embarrassed to be bringing up Jesus at all, but it just seemed to me like the right thing to do when you were desperate.

When I was in middle school, I started going to youth group with my best friend at a Methodist church. I was struggling a lot with family problems and emotional problems, and that youth group was the first time anyone ever said to me, "It's okay to be broken. You are loved." I started going to a small girls' group, and they let me talk about my fears without judgment, and I never really understood the God-stuff, but I kept going through all of middle school, and it helped.

When I was a sophomore in high school, most of my friends were male, seniors, and Christian. One of them started an apologetics group at his house, and we talked about religion, about Christianity, and I learned a lot. I started listening to Christian music. Part of me wanted God in my life; the other part just wanted my friends to think I was cool for being into the same things as them.

When I was a junior in high school, everything fell apart. My friends had all graduated and moved away, and my mental health was very bad, and I started hanging out with a new friend group. All of them were atheists. I followed them to parties where I drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes. I let them convince me to try marijuana. I let people use my body for their pleasure. I made bad choices, and I hated God, because my friends told me to. I made jokes about Jesus, because my friends were making jokes. I was deeply unhappy.

When I was in college, I stopped drinking and smoking pot. I slowly, nervously tried to make my way back to God. I would sneak into Methodist services on Sundays, sneaking out again at the end before anyone could stop me and try to talk to me. At the same time, I was self-harming and giving in to same sex attraction and absolutely loathing myself. I felt completely lost. Untethered. Alone.

When I was a senior in college, I met my future husband. He is good and kind and he stuck with me and supported me through a lot of my mental health struggles, including taking a leave of absence from my university and checking into a psychiatric hospital for several weeks, which was immensely helpful. We didn't really discuss religion; we knew we both were "vaguely Christian, maybe." He was baptized, I wasn't. He was raised Catholic, but hadn't been to a Mass in years. We slept together and lived together before marriage.

When I was 23, we started going to a church that met in a high school gym. They were very nice and welcoming - aggressively so. They helped us join a Bible Study, and a small group, and convinced us to come to extra services on Wednesday nights, and it started to feel suffocating. We both began to feel uncomfortable, but when we tried to step back, the church folks doubled down. They wanted us to come to more groups. They wanted to "re-baptize" my husband, and they didn't like that we were living together but wouldn't tell is why. They wanted more tithing. We both had a bad feeling about it, and so we left.

When I was 24, we joined the United Church of Christ. It was a better fit for us, and I was baptized in that church. We participated in volunteer opportunities and made some good friends. My husband lightheartedly referred to the UCC as "fake church," because Catholic church, for him, was "real church." I was too nervous to go to "real church" because I knew absolutely nothing about Catholicism and it seemed ludicrous that someone from my background could join a church like that. We left that church when we moved across the country.

When I was 27, my husband and I finally got married. We went to the courthouse with a few witnesses. A few months later, I was visiting family and my husband was walking out in the rain on Christmas Eve when a UCC pastor ushered him into the church where it was warm and dry. My husband stayed for the service, and started going there every Sunday, and joined the choir, and even convinced me to join, too. He continued to call our church "fake church," and lamented about the lack of tradition in the UCC. He liked it, but he was never fully comfortable there.

When I was 28, we moved back home and I finally agreed to give "real church" a try. We were living in my own hometown, and I'd driven past the church hundreds of times, though never been inside. I was thoroughly intimidated, but I went anyway, and was surprised to find that I liked it. He explained the Mass to me - he explained, as I called it, "the rules" to me - and I was delighted to learn as much as I possibly could. I loved the predictability of the Mass, the ritual of Reconciliation. I loved praying the rosary and reading the Catechism. I loved the hymns and the daily readings and the crucifix. I couldn't get enough. It felt right. We started volunteering at St. Vincent de Paul, and through that eventually both ended up with jobs at Catholic Charities.

When I was 29, we started RCIA. It was a small town, with only one Catholic church, and my boss was sponsoring one of my fellow catechumens, and my own sponsor was a fellow volunteer at St. Vincent de Paul. I'd gotten to know the pastor pretty well through my work at Catholic Charities. Everyone was intertwined, and I felt like I was part of a family. I felt like I was finally home. I felt whole.

When I was 30, I was confirmed and took my First Communion at Easter Vigil.

It's been 5 years since I joined the Catholic church. There have been lots of ups and downs. We moved to a different city. COVID happened, and we stopped going to church. I had to leave my job and apply for disability. I struggled with sexual sin and our marriage suffered for it. I went 3 years without going to confession because by the time I felt comfortable going out in public again after COVID, I was so ashamed of my sins I didn't even want to think about them, let alone tell them to a priest.

And then we slowly started going to Mass again. And I started to remember how much I loved it. And I was jealous of everyone taking the Eucharist, I wanted that. I wanted Jesus.

And I still didn't go to confession for several months.

But finally, one day, I was ready. I was nervous and jittery but when we got there, there wasn't even a line. And when I went to confess, the priest was kind and efficient. It felt like the entire process had been orchestrated to be as comfortable for me as possible. And then - and then I was free.

Since that day, we've been going to Mass and taking the Eucharist every Sunday, and going to Adoration on Friday nights, and going to confession when we need to. And I feel safe and comforted in a way that I haven't in a long, long time. I've been reading G.K. Chesterton and listening to worship music. I've been praying and reading the Bible.

I know it won't always be like this - I know there will be more times when I struggle. When I don't pray, or read the Bible, or even go to Mass. When I can't get out of bed, or I end up in the hospital. But knowing that God is with me always, no matter what - that he's brought me through everything so far - is what matters. Whenever I'm hospitalized, I read the psalms, and I find great comfort in them. And that will never change.

I know that God loves me - that Christ died for me. What more could I possibly want?

#personal #testimony

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aeevader · 9 months

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# REALWORLD : when i'm at my wit’s end and i'm losing my head, you remind me of just how lucky i am. stats. playlist. pinterest.

gunhak was adopted by his maternal grandmother. preventative measures. involved in programs similar to 504 plans and ieps. kept a steady pace in primary school, kept to himself. lost to his imagination, often creating worlds with items found around the home. began drawing a little bit.

when he wasn’t in his head, he worked alongside his grandmother in local markets as a young boy / tween. while jinshil was the face and sweet talker, he was her right hand man. kept lists of everything, all the time. excelled in anything that had to do with vocabulary or timelines. would often help aunties and uncles with their stock and inventory. he even made her a logo for each stall!

eventually got into video games and watched a lot of gameplay from different youtubers. pewdiepie and his bpm videos, markiplier with the early oculus rift- he was enamored. kids and their expensive interests. character creation and roleplaying were favorites of his despite the content he consumed. imvu and ourworld were favorites before he got his hands on, or in, kwangya. his holiday / birthday gifts reflected these hobbies. art supplies, journals to write, games to play, currency for some game . . . these characters were always completely different than who he was, though they were always extensions of himself. when he wasnt in school, instead of helping out in markets like he would prior, he was tucked away in his room online

with gunhak not around helping like he had been before, his grandmother injured herself at work and continued to strain with large loads and overextension when she needed rest. he wouldnt know about this until she fell ill in the home from an infection left unattended. this physical and eventual physical struggle startled gunhak into his first job

again, left unattended, jinshil would continue to push too hard and too far. more falls and more injuries created frustration and strain in the home. gunhak needed to work because she could not, but he needed an eye for jinshil. this resulted in him reaching out to his cousin for help.

after layers and layers of his life unfolded for his cousin to learn and understand, all three eventually ended up moving to a new space for work. providing care for their grandmother would become a part time job for the pair.

gunhak never finishes high school, though he never really had any academic drive so this isnt the biggest loss to him. now his grandmother receives disability while he and his cousin work together. they’re more successful than he is, graduated and back in school, a steady job.

he always had his eye on synk but never the money for it. eventually, as a motivator, his cousin says they'll buy him synk if he finishes his ged and continues to work. uh, fuck yeah he’s going to do it.

the pattern of addiction in his family does not end and it shows by how frequently he's online. when he's not working, he's in game. sure, work is completed and courses are attempted- oftentimes cheated through, but gunhak does what's asked of him! maybe just not in the way they expected of him. oh well. # CONNECTIONS : kind of floundering here, but i'll update if i think of something! i'll also add to the list established connections for tracking purposes.

HOUSEMATE. zoey is currently living in an apartment that he shares with his cousin and their grandmother. honestly- does not even have to be an actual cousin, just some sort of dynamic along those lines. would not mind tweaking to me a friend from school who wanted to help out. it's a little awkward, they have more money than him, and they're just a tad older. plot#01 something akin to catfishing is what's going on here. zoey takes pride in the way he creates his ae's. they're stunning, like when ashley introduces bella to the cullens kind of alluring. not that he himself isn't handsome, but there's definitely a disconnect between himself and these models. perhaps he and your muse hit it off in some world and agree to meet up! plot#02 zoey is already addicted, like, for real, but this person does not help his case in the slightest. they jump verses together frequently and lose hours to them. when he isn't online, he's thinking of them. he would never label it as a crush, but when he see them with another player... ouch.

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someotherdog · 9 months

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♥ : for a loving voicemail

♚ : for a confessing voicemail

☆ : for a drunken voicemail

♦: for an apologetic voicemail

for soapgrid!!!

♥ : ingrid didn't know why she was feeling so warm inside. no reason at all for her to be in a good mood, especially considering how awful things had been for her in recent years, but god damn it, ingrid laura sergeant woke up on the right side of the bed that morning! she thought she'd text soap, but he didn't answer the various messages she sent in a row. decidedly annoying, ingrid took her next step and actually called him, only to have to leave a message. the horror.

"heeey soapie. i know it's not very millennial of me to call you and leave a voicemail, but that's what you get for not answering my texts! i guess i don't really have anything important to say, but i was going to stop by your apartment with some starbucks and a bag of nerds gummy clusters—the berry kind, not the rainbow—but you're a loser that doesn't look at their phone, so you get nothing. just because i'm not some super tough macho military guy doesn't mean you can ignore me, y'know? i might've even splurged and taken you on a trip to target but noooo. i guess i'll have to be your sugar mama, and i mean that literally, some other day. maybe i just wanted to say thank you for letting me hang around after everything, since i'm suuuch a nice person, but you'll never know and fuck it's about to cut me of—"

shit. well, she had been rambling anyway. if that didn't get his attention, she didn't know what would.

♚ : she had her good days. she had her bad days. most of them fell into the bad category, but occasionally there was a bright blip in the darkness. a lot of those blips had to do with soap. he didn't even do much, forever a stoic man that was tall as a mountain, but sometimes it felt like he was a mountain that shielded her from things getting too dark and sometimes she wished that he would kiss her. other times, that thought made her cringe. she thought it might've been called trauma bonding or maybe it was transference, she didn't really know or care, but it felt like he was a mountain or a life raft or just fucking something. something for her to hold onto. her siblings couldn't relate to her since she got back, her parents looked at her as if she was a stranger, and all the friends she had before had moved on in ways ingrid didn't know if she would ever be able to do. it was all so stupid. she knew she shouldn't have been calling him, bothering him once again in the middle of the night. maybe that's why her call went to voicemail. perhaps soap was getting sick of her shit. she was somewhat relieved he didn't pick up.

"hey soap. i know it's very late and i call you too much. i don't really know what i wanted to say so bad that i had to call you again at four in the morning. i guess... i guess that i just wanted to thank you. it feels like my heart is missing sometimes, i don't know if you'll understand what i mean by that. but it feels like i have it back when you pick up the phone or you come get me because i haven't left my apartment in days. sometimes... soap, sometimes it feels like i love you. jesus. that was a crazy thing to say. i'm sorry. i don't know that i actually do, if that helps. yeah. shit, i'm sorry. can you pretend you never heard this? thanks. anyway... goodnight. or good morning. whatever. bye."

yeah, she was definitely relieved he didn't pick up.

☆ : ingrid had never really been a party girl. even in high school, she really only attended parties because she felt like she had to. miss teen dream, the popular nice girl that was friends with everyone and cared about her studies, but not too much or she'd be boring. as an adult, she wasn't a stranger to having a glass of wine at dinner or having a cocktail after work with some coworkers, but she hadn't tossed back shots like a college girl since she was a college girl. on that night out though, after dealing with a tough case that made her want to rip her hair out, ingrid somehow kept drinking with barely any convincing from her friends. somehow, she ended up calling soap from the back of her uber.

"ummmm, hello? soapie. how dare you not answer my call? are the fuckin' queen of england or somethi—what? no, i'm not talking to you, uber driver. i don't even know you. anyway, sooooap! will you ever tell me your fucking real name? i know your parents didn't name you after a cleaning product. i mean, i don't know much about your family or really anything about you at all, meanwhile you know, like, my social security number and how much real, actual money i spent on candy crush last summer? that's not very fair. anyway, i hope your parents didn't name you soap. this uber driver keeps giving me weird looks. i don't think he thinks soap is your true christian name either... i gotta go, i kind of feel like throwing up... anyway, learn to answer your fucking phone!"

♦ : she had been a true, honest to god mess lately. ingrid realized she had been acting erratically, but she couldn't stop herself. knowing that she was pushing people away, people that wanted to help her, made her feel sick inside. it made her feel sick inside that no one could understand why she was acting out. no one but soap. she had fucked that up too, though. soap seemed to still feel some sort of protectiveness over her. she began to resent that supposed obligation. she had spent most of her life feeling protected, the eternal damsel in distress. the love that her loved ones felt for her started to feel like a cage and ingrid finally snapped. she cussed everyone out, drank like a fish, tapped out her savings and maxed out her credit cards. no one understood. they didn't close their eyes and see what she had seen. no one but soap. the only person that could understand, and as far as ingrid knew, never wanted to speak to her again. eventually, the darkness closing all the way in, she had to reach out. even if he didn't care for her anymore.

"errr—sorry. hi. um, i didn't expect to get your voicemail. i get it, though. i wouldn't want to talk to me either. i won't take up too much of your time, if you even listen to this or maybe just delete it immediately after seeing it, but i wanted to say that i'm sorry. for all of it. i've been a terrible person for, like, an entire year now. nobody wants to deal with my bullshit anymore, which i understand, but... i don't know. it still sucks, even if i did it to myself. i think i've been going through the five stages of grief or whatever since we came back, even though no one close to me died. just like... grief over the whole situation. we never should've been out there in the first place. anyway... this is getting too long. i'm sorry, soap. let me know if you'd like to go to a movie or something someday. if not, just know i really do wish the best for you. i hope you're coping with it better than i am. military training and all that. but, um, yeah. bye, soap. thank you for saving my life, though i don't know that i deserved it."

she didn't realize she had been crying until it was over.

#mutatedangels #* INBOX / answered .#* INGRID SERGEANT / narrative .#* INGRID SERGEANT / dynamic / soap .#so 1 and 3 happen in a normal verse setting lol and 2 and 4 are def post-dead space verse when they're back on earth #anywaysss i hope you like these! and if you ever wanna turn any of these into a thread please do. thank you for sending me a meme ana 🤗#also that last gif is natural hair color ingrid and it's freaking me out! bc that's her canon look from like 18-25 #but i was running low on phone gifs lmfao so we'll just pretend she's platinum blonde there

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lovelessjane · 11 months

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One thing I love about Sludge Life is that it's so open to interpretations, especially when it comes to characters. And since this game won't leave my brain I accidentally came up with headcanons for the taggers.

Mosca

-Like I (probably) mentioned before, he's a high school drop-out. It's not that he did bad in school, nah. He just had beef with the system because it kills creativity.

-I know skeletons are Tia's thing, but Mosca definitely wears those edgy skull T-shirts/hoodies on a daily basis. Plus black ripped jeans, as I showed in my headcanon post, no less.

-Very laid back, he's cool with people. No really, he is. I know I made him seem as this cranky teenager in my relationships post, but he's actually chill. He's just got his beefs.

-Kind of wanna make a whole playlist full of songs he'd listen to tbh. He has such a specific taste in my head. I know I only added 4 bands/artists in my hc post but I got more ideas after I posted that. Yeah, he likes loud and edgy music such as Mayhem and Judas Priest, but he also listens to more indie stuff or songs that have a message he relates to (like Red Hot Chili Pepper, Twisted Sister, Sublime occasionally when nobody is looking, Nirvana for sure, maybe The Clash too. I wanna say The Strokes as well but just because I'm biased, not too sure about this one).

-I can't help but feel like I'm making him way too angsty lol. He has a good amount of teenage angst in him and his life is a mess but he's definitely not crying about it on a daily basis. He just kinda rolls with the current lifestyle and envies people who live better.

-Cares a lot about his art. Uzzi probably painted over his tags once as a joke and got the beating of a lifetime. This might be how their whole rivalry started, actually.

-Loves cats! He feeds the nearby ones whenever he can. They eat better than him.

-Don't ask me where his parents are, they prolly fell into the sludge tanks or smth.

-Despite hating Hans, they had more than one wholesome moment where they just...talked like normal people. Mosca sometimes forgets that he's supposed to dislike Hans, so when Ghost gets in trouble or does something so baffling they often discuss the event without any excessive positive mentality stuff or cursing. Just normal teen talk. He could never do this with Uzzi though, those two actually hate each other. But his weird rivalry with Hans isn't as serious as Mosca makes it out to be.

-Probably dressed up as Ghostface once just to scare Ghost. Maybe more than once. Yeah, he totally scares Ghost for fun like any sibling would do.

-I spend WAY too much time trying to pinpoint where every tagger lives. We only know for sure where Ghost and Double Double live (plus Big Mud if he counts bc he also used to tag), but we don't have any confirmation for the others. So I did my research and I'm pretty sure Mosca lives in the shipping container on the apartment building next to the talking cat. Either that or he lives in the small ass janitor room behind Hannibal's apartment. Either way, he lives somewhere near the top of the apartment building bc he obviously likes high places and you can also see his tags there (just how you can see Ghost's and D&D's tags near their homes).

-Silly little hc that I'll probably forget about but you know that girl sunbathing on top of the apartment building? I hc that these two were in some sort of relationship just because she hangs out near Mosca's supposed home lol. They could be together. Or maybe they USED to be together. Or maybe they were never a couple to begin with and Mosca just had a crush on her but was too afraid to confess. Idk, again, no proof for this or relevance to the canon. Just a stupid hc I came up with.

-Likes to be above everyone...Literally lol. He often hangs out on high places because nobody can reach him there. Except for Ghost, of course, but he's a special case. Mosca is a fly and Ghost is a frog/slime creature (at least in my headcanon), so they can both stick to things, which is very useful when it comes to climbing. Ghost is the better climber though, but just because he has no sense of danger.

Uzzi

-I see him as the "seems tough, cries when watching Titanic" type of guy. Like yeah, he's genuinely batshit crazy but he's also sensitive. He's also very empathetic but doesn't realize that, if I'm making any sense. If someone close to him gets upset he ALSO gets upset and doesn't understand why. He's very out of touch with his emotions.

-He BITES. He chomps on objects to blow off steam and bites people when provoked. Probably barks at dogs too.

-All of his clothes are ripped. Not for the sake of fashion though, he just fights whatever moves and does stunts worth of a Redbull sponsor.

-Considers Ghost to be his closest friend and sometimes vents to him. Very rarely though. He doesn't even know what venting is and says he's only "complaining" after revealing his deepest insecurities and fears.

-He probably knows about the bomb but wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Yeah, he's crazy but not "I'm going to blow up this fucking island AND myself" type of crazy. That's Ghost's job. Plus, he just found a secret GLUG weapon and he knows those guys could easily throw his ass in jail if they found out he's been there so yk.

-Doesn't smoke and ridicules people who do. Reason? GLUG. Yeah, since Ciggy Cigs are owned by them...And also, he hates the smell.

-Also an orphan/runaway, just like Ghost. But nobody took him in so he learned how to survive on his own and now he's feral. Ik I mentioned this before but yeah.

#guess who my favorite characters are ig #i'll add more and come up with stuff for the other characters too...at some point #old post that's been collecting dust in my drafts #sludge life mosca #sludge life uzzi #sludge life

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dragonstepp · 11 months

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Sex

This is a special shout-out to those friends who seem to enjoy my comments about sex and its may pleasures.

My mother did not like me; I think it had to do with my dad who she abandonded when I was quite young. She tried to let me know she did not enjoy sex, even though she married a second time.

Anyway, I got away from home when I got out of high school and went to live with my dad. I had a different attitude toward sex (he had nothing to do with it), and I discovered I enjoyed sex. I married quite young, and then got away from it, but I learned I did enjoy sex. So I fell into the whole 60s thing. I don't know your ages, nor your upbringings, but I was in my 20s, sex was free and easy, and I was quite promiscuous for a few years. Lots of it, especially since I ran tht bar with a lot of merchant seamen. There were consequences, and once I realized I was going to have to settle down and lived a better life because I was my own responsibility, sex became sort of common place in my life. There was not a lot of it.

I had an active, full life, with many activities I enjoyed, and I worked for 50 years. I retired, and filled my life with other activities. Then I discovered Outlander and Jamie, and then Sam Heughan.

Sam is why I suddenly remembered what it felt like to be with a man, and even though I was twice his age, started having these feelings I had not had for a long time.

I do not know anything about Diana's sex life; it is none of my business. But she either had a great sex life, or a great imagination.

So Claire and Jamie. Jamie was a man who knew his place in life, but he did not know how to manage Claire. When she taught him about sex, he discovered a whole new part of life he had not known. He was too busy being a warrior, up til then. They had a great relationship when it came to sex. Then she left, and they were apart for 20 years. I know she had sex with Frank, but it was not the same in those years, and when Frank died, and she went back to Jamie, she sent back to a great love, and great sex, again.

I have often laughed at some of the things she said and did over those years. I loved how she called the penises dangly bits. I loved how she would sneak off to watch the men (Ron, Ian, Jamie) frolic naked in the streams while bathing. Remember how she commented on whether she thought about sneaking behind Jamie, grabbed his balls, and wondered if he would jump across the stream when she did. But she didn't.

But the story I liked best was after she was abducted and raped. Jamie was walking on eggshells because she was so closed mouth about it. So when she finally broke down, she talked about how she had been throught two wars, had been abducted and raped, and she was not going to let the men with their nasty appendages bring her down. Jamie replied "nasty appendages?", and she replied "not yours, I'm quite fond of yours"- I thought that was so funny, yet so appropriate. And that is how I feel about a man's penis, if I really liked him. I miss that part of life, but I did not know I felt that way until I discovered Jamie, and then Sam.

So now you know why I was, and still am, so attracted to Sam. I would love his dangly bits if I could have the privilege of seeing and feeling them. Sam is exactly the kind of man I would love, and exactly looks the way I have always like my men.

So there I am, an 82-yo woman who apparently is still capable of being the person I was in my 20s, and what I gave up mostly for so long. I am glad to know I am still a lusty woman with thoughts of lust and longing.

Carol

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