#but I'm still posting this because these attitudes are both very common
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I really really hate the people who assume that every single chronically ill person wants a cure
and I also really really hate the people who think that wanting a cure is inherently internalized ableism
it's like both of you just forget that other people have experiences that are different from your own
I'm someone in the rare boat of having a disability with an existing cure. I have a limb difference called miserable malalignment syndrome and surgery exists to realign our bones. while cures are theoretical for the rest of you I have the option and I have also seen what that option has done to my community. I, personally, said no to this surgery. I also hold absolutely no judgement towards the people who said yes.
I don't believe that my body is wrong. I believe that people with MMS should continue to exist in the world with our unchanged bones. I also understand that this condition is excruciatingly painful and can be incredibly life limiting. I am often frustrated with the assumption that everyone who has MMS wants or will get surgery- I do not want it and I will not get it. I also believe in bodily autonomy and that my right to say no to the surgery is equal to others right to say yes.
when people assume that everyone with a physical disability, or with chronic pain, wants a cure to their pain it hurts me. it makes me feel invisible and it erases both my existence and all that I had to do to avoid surgery. surgery has been pushed on me and I was constantly pressured by my family, doctors, community, and others around me. it took a lot to fight to avoid having surgery. I do not want a cure. my experience is not like yours, I am happy to live with my symptoms.
simultaneously, my experience with miserable malalignment syndrome is not every disabled person's experience. even within the MMS community there are many people who live in agony because of this condition. pain from MMS is most commonly described as having knives in your leg joints. people lose both the activities they love and their needs (such as sleep) to this condition. there is reason for people to want a cure. when someone is willing to undergo an operation that causes pain that most describe as the worst of their life for relief from their symptoms it shows their desperation. it's unjust to deny them the right to life without pain because I don't personally consider surgery to be my best option.
....and this doesn't even touch on the people whose disabilities have other consequences like death
yet this surgery has left my community so barren. as miserable malalignment syndrome is a rare disease it's a struggle to find others with it as is. it's even harder to find others who don't ever plan on having surgery. it's isolating. I know there are many others who have felt pressured into this surgery, or who have been told that surgery is the only treatment option. this is equally a denial of autonomy.
....but to say that wanting a cure is inherently eugenicist or a byproduct of internalized ableism? that is wrong and dismissive. you have no place to dictate how others are allowed to feel about their bodies. the problem lies with cures being forced upon people not with disabled people wishing they were cured.
#I realize op of the post this was originally referencing apologized!!#but I'm still posting this because these attitudes are both very common#anywats if youre op I'm not mad at you specifically this is meant to be general#disability#disabled#chronic illness#chronically ill#cripplepunk#cripple punk#long post
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Day 20: reading together
Masterlist flufftober 🎀
Reblog if you liked it!
“If I didn't love you so much, I'd probably be strangling you right now,” you muttered, watching from your spot on the couch as Spencer broke the spine of the book he had just gotten.
Although you two were very skilled readers, which had brought you together in the first place, your book care habits were very different. You could stand him writing in the books and bending the pages, but the first time you saw the man break the spine of a book you almost screamed to stop him. You were the type who opened the pages only as much as necessary, loaded them into a special bag, and used only post-its and pretty bookmarkers in them.
“I already told you that this is more comfortable and gives life to the books”
“It doesn't give them life, it kills them” you sobbed dramatically, while you raised your feet a little so that he could take a seat on the couch and once he was, he took care of placing your legs on his lap “What is this one about?”
"Physics. I want some distraction”
“Oh, sure,” you laughed ironically, as if it were common to read physics books to clear your mind.
You had been reading, for a couple of weeks, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks, because the movie was one of your favorites in your youth and you wanted to know how much the book delved into the story of both lovers.
You were used to these kinds of moments with him, because since you had started living together your literary discipline had improved, so you tried to continue with your reading while he started his.
Everything was fine until you tensed when you felt his hand coming down from the cover to hold your leg firmly. You looked down from your book and a shiver ran through you when you noticed that he was able to hold all the flesh of your limb with those hands; big, calloused, and warm, always so expert at touching you just the way you wanted. But Spencer was so focused on the book that he didn't seem aware of what he was doing to you, not even when he started to slowly stroke you with his thumb.
You tried to shake the distraction from your mind and focused on the printed lines, the only sound being the turning of the paper pages in your lover's book. Spencer's fingers traced patterns and drummed on your skin, to the point where you got used to it and stopped paying attention to the tickling he was doing with it.
“What happened to you here?” Spencer asked suddenly, feeling interrupted by curiosity to know the origin of the bump his fingers had touched. You closed your book slightly and looked up to see what he was talking about.
"That? I think it was from a fall when I was little.”
“Sometimes I'm surprised to think how many things I still don't know about you,” he murmured, with unexpected sentimentality. His hand went up and down your leg while he maintained a thoughtful attitude “You are like a book; I think I know you well enough and when I look at you again you have a different meaning or I find something new about you”
“At least I hope you don't break my spine” you laughed and you heard him laugh too. You readjusted yourself on the couch until you were sitting next to him and you placed a kiss on his cheek, so he took the opportunity to surround you from the side “No one had ever compared me to a book.”
“I like being innovative,” he said, quite proud of himself, feeling how you fit better against him.
Once again one of his hands remained busy on your body and with the other he kept the book open, taking a little more time than usual to turn the pages. You carefully opened your reading and continued to enjoy the tragic romance the story told, having your own happy romance at your side.
taglist: @navs-bhat @reidwritings @tricia-shifting14 @spencerslove @vivian-555 @r-3dlips @rhiannonhippiegirl @taygrls @simp4f1 @sdddoobydoobydoo @taintedstranger
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#dr spencer reid#matthew gray gubler#spencer reid x you#flufftober 2023#prompt list#writing challenge#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid drabble
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TL;DR: multiple people can arrive at the same fanfic idea/premise in different ways, but also, getting inspired by a different fanfic is not stealing, please don't gatekeep!
I joined a new fandom (it's Resident Evil (RE), which I'm mostly mentioning for that one 'nosy' anon because hell yeah I am super nosy as well, so here you go, dropping some names!), and I quickly stumbled upon one fandom-specific plot trope that I thought was both pretty neat but also super obvious (Infected!Character fic, which, in a world with zombies and viruses that cause zombies is a very logical trope).
Anyway, there was not quite as much body horror as I thought there would be, although I'm still looking, but that's not why I'm writing to you, that's just the (un)necessary background.
There was this one fic that I opened, which in its Author's Note clearly stated that the author set this fanfiction in another author's AU, because they loved the world created by this first author. The first fanfiction author basically came up with their own Infected!Character design and backstory (including fanart), and the second fanfiction author liked it so much they were now writing this fic based on/in that AU. Obviously not quoting the AN directly, but this second author was very complimentary and explicitly mentioned where they got the idea from, gushing about the first author.
In the AN for chapter two, the second author stated that they weren't aware that that first fanfiction author didn't allow others to write about the Infected!Character AU they'd made, that that first author in fact only allowed a very limited number of people they publicly approved of to write about their AU, and nobody else was allowed to touch the Infected!Character AU. This second author was now apologising in the AN for not knowing this, plus mentioning that they changed chapter one to switch up the backstory & design to not be too close to that of the first fanficton author's AU.
That made me sad, honestly. I've seen this attitude a couple of times, where fanfiction authors are super protective of their ideas that they won't allow any other fanfiction author to write about them, and it's always struck me as a little bit hypocritical, given the whole deal of fanfiction. Especially when the original/first fanfiction author is credited and the inspired work is clearly done because the second author loved the first fanfiction so much. If it's a highly developed/specific and original AU (so not just any common trope), and you don't even mention the fanfic you were inspired by, then I find that rude, but just flat out not allowing people to even touch 'your' thing? C'mon!
This partially ties into my other gripe about a specific type of comments I occasionally get, which are along the lines of 'huh interesting idea where did you get it? bc/btw there is this other fic with the same idea (posted before you)'; idk if I got the tone right, but they never seem to be actually genuinely asking how I got the idea (and I always delight in telling them, not sarcastically, I genuinely love talking about this stuff, bc I get inspired by the most random things and I love love writing 'original'/new things!! I love tropes as much as anybody, I read a shitton of them, but i when I write I love coming up with new shit/plot! it's so fun!!). They just vanish after my explanation, even when I try to invite further conversation. It always feels to me like they're 'checking' that I didn't steal the idea, and it feels a bit lousy.
I mean in (larger) fandoms, it is not surprising at all that two or three or even more people arrive at the same idea, maybe even inspired by the same thing, same reading of canon, or not, varied experiences--and just because the works are similar doesn't mean that they were inspired by one another, but if they are, that's not a sin! I just want people to not take everything in bad faith, and also, to not 'disallow' others from getting inspired, especially when they do it in a very polite manner!
It's because of comments like these that I sometimes, very privately, worry that before I'll manage to post the long fic I spent months writing--because I'm one of those who wants the thing finished before I start posting--somebody else will have a similar idea, post their thing first, and then I'll look like I'm lying about not reading/stealing their idea, or just jumping on the bandwagon, which again, it's not a bad thing, actually.
And it shouldn't be like that! I shouldn't worry, and people should also be more willing to accept that authors can arrive at the same idea at (roughly) the same time & accept that explanation without side-eyeing the author, and that if an author is inspired by a different fanfic, that's not a sin either (in fact, for me it would be an honour).
None of this is new either, but that RE stuff reminded me of it again.
Oh man, this is way longer than I thought it would be. Apologies. I'm going to add a TLDR at the start.
Anyway, I'm going to finish writing an Infected!Catboy!Leon fic now and be very unsurprised if I find out that somebody else has had the same idea long before me (aside from one or two reader fic inserts with that topic that I stumbled upon on tumblr, bc that's just not my thing at all (reader insert, I mean)).
--
In college, friends of mine had a falling out over one of them "stealing" the other's fic idea.
Space pirates.
Not specific space pirates. Not a way of integrating the concept that was fandom-specific. No, just the general idea of space pirates in the same fandom.
Never have I facepalmed so hard.
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This is just my impression so far on the MCs of Ikemen Series. I have seen posts about Ikemen MC not having enough spite, dumb, damsel and distress etc etc....and to some point I do agree with it. Even I made a post about MCs being overly positive. But at the same time I feel like this is done on purpose from the writers' part.
Let's just say it, the MCs are not really that relatable even though they try to make it look like that. MCs in these games are very kind-hearted for no reason, overly positive and lack basic common sense. For example, take this scene from Harry's story event:
Harry did mention to her before this that he can detect if a person is lying or not when he makes eye-contact. In the scene mentioned above, a person with common sense can easily tell that Harry lost on purpose. But for some reason Kate thought he lost because she was able deceived him. It is only later that Harry told her and Kate looked genuinely surprised. I don't think Kate is dumb. But I feel like the writers think we players are not that smart enough to distinguish between Harry's lies and truth. It makes me laugh some times.
I just honestly feel like MCs are portrayed this way so that we players could understand the game and its characters better. Like Paimon from genshin, who repeats everything in baby terms so that we could understand what we have to do (even if her screechy noise is annoying). MCs here are played by us, so when male characters has a plan that they don't reveal, MCs try to find out what their plan is so that we could understand. That's it. MCs are here just simplify the story to make us understand the character's better. They'll only ask the male characters what's needed to know right now and not anything extra. If it where a realistic MCs, she would ask more logical questions like:
Is Victor also cursed?
If Crown consists of only 'cursed' people and Victor went around to search these people, are there any 'cursed' people out there who rejected his request?
More questions on their abilities like: Can Harry still detect lies if someone closes their eye? Can Elbert trigger sad memories if a person doesn't have a sad memory? etc etc...
But we don't see Kate asking these questions.
I feel like the reason why we feel sometimes frustrated when MCs act in a certain way is because these MCs are not at all realistic. I'll never believe that someone with common sense did not try to run away after watching a murder happen. I'll never believe that someone with common sense falling into easy traps. Like this one scene from Silvio's story where, Silvio's daddy visits Rhodolite because his lost son is found and he also wants to know if Rhodolite King is dead blah blah blah...you guys know that story (I assume). Emma has to choose the next King without Silvio's dad knowing and they wait for Sariel's call. A servant comes to Emma's room to call both her and Rio. This servant itself is sus because Emma clearly states that she hasn't seen that servant before. When I read this, I immediately knew it was red flag. But even so, Emma and Rio ignores the red flag and goes with the servant and what do you know? They get kidnapped. The scene was very predictable. But it's so frustrating because, realistically speaking I think normal people would feel a little bit suspicious about the person given the situation. Maybe even question the servant. That's why I'm saying...I do feel MCs are not realistic enough. I don't think anyone is overly-kindhearted to the point that they would accept insults from the male leads and be like "I'm going to prove myself to you!". Normal people would just be like "fuck off!" and won't listen to their insults. No one is so dumb it fall into easy traps and no normal person is like "I will work hard to get to know them better." Majority of the people are way smarter and way selfish (not in a bad way though!). Many people have attitude, not everyone are kind to strangers. That's why MCs are not realistic, so there is no use in comparing MC to your personality or your intelligence. They are just tools for explaining the story in a simplified way and moving the plot forward. Because like I said, if Emma and Rio didn't go with the servant and get kidnapped, Silvio's story wouldn't move forward.
That's all. This no hate, this is just how I felt after reading quite amount of stories both in-game and on tumblr. MC's don't have much background because the writers don't really put too much thought about their personality. MCs are basically last on their lists. They just make sure that she's an adult, working woman (doing some odd jobs like a flowershop lady or something, because I've never seen a CEO MC), and they are very kind for some reason. They don't have family (except for Emma), they don't have a story, they don't have anything that impacts their personality. At least it would have been nice to see why a MC is so kind-hearted would be nice. But otome games' main selling points are the male leads. The male leads falls for MC's purity in their dark world.
#this is just my opinion#no hate at all#i do think mcs in ikemen games are fine#ikemen series#ikemen villains#ikemen prince#ikemen genjiden#ikemen sengoku#ikemen revolution#ikemen vampire#ikemen game#otome#otome game#ikemen mcs
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Hi Pia! I was rereading one of your works and was wondering if you’d maybe wanna discuss the quotations for dialogue? I know both are correct, but I just got a little curious about it the usage of ‘spoken words’ vs “spoken words” and your preference for one. Usually when I’ve seen the ‘spoken words,’ it’s been for older works.
Hi anon,
My preference is that I'm Australian, I learned writing at university many many years ago now (I am an old), and I was taught correct Australian grammar there! And while I still make mistakes on some things, dialogue isn't it.
Some people use the US "" instead of the Australian '' - and that's now okay simply because so many people were doing it, the editors of Australia were like 'fuck it, you can do it' (with exceptions) - but like, most of the Australian copies of international books that I have, actually don't use " " for dialogue at all.
I'm going to get some examples, because this is something you've likely never seen, because publishing houses change the grammar based on the country. This means that books that have double quotation marks everywhere else in the world for dialogue, have single quotation marks in Australia if you're picking them up in Australia or they've been published through most Australian publishers. Because buying books is more global now, Australians will likely have a mix of double quotations and single quotations books. Many Australians don't even realise there's a difference, they're so used to it.
Here's an Australian book:
(Skins by Sarah Hay)
So that makes sense for an Australian book by an Australian author.
What about the classic The Collector by John Fowles. Surely, that not being an Australian book, that'd have double quotation marks right?
Not if it was published here:
What about something a little more recent? Like The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy?
I'm not sure how to explain it beyond: 'Literally almost every book we pick up here that was published here does this, and it's not a like quirky preference, it's literally what we grew up seeing and reading. To us, double quotation marks is unusual and seems more 'quirky'.'
This is less common now as an attitude simply because of globalisation and the internet existing. But for most of my life, buying books meant only seeing dialogue like this. Right up until I was in the 30s, I think. Purchasing books online changed that, and people who grew up with the internet from the very beginning are going to be more used to seeing double quotation marks.
But many Australian publishers will still insist on correct Australian grammar with preference given to Australian grammar.
Our grammar is quite strange, and sort of a mix between US and UK but with some unique aspects of which you've probably noticed the single quotation marks is one.
That's because Australian grammar is built on journalism, and anything that saved space in a newspaper was prioritised. So Australian grammar eliminates double spaces at the end of periods. It eliminates double quotations because they take up extra space. There are dash rules designed to eliminate space that an article might take up.
And you know, I'm quite proud of that grammar. :D It does get me some heat when I publish something, usually from grammar puritans from the USA, which is why I now just post a blanket 'this author uses Australian grammar so you may notice some departures with dialogue grammar' caveat.
Anyway, the reason/s most newer works have double quotations is because a) they're being purchased en masse overseas and that's cheaper than publishing here, b) those Australians are young and have learned to write based on overseas writing, c) they don't know actually know Australian grammar, it's not actually taught well in our curriculums, d) it is just something they prefer, e) they publish with overseas publishers and because they have to edit their works to UK or US grammar anyway, they just adopted it because it's easier that way, f) someone erroneously corrected them for doing the right thing and they changed to another country's dialogue grammar, g) it really is okay to just pick the one you like best now and stick with it, h) some screen readers cannot cope with single quotation marks (which imho, is something screen readers need to address if it means ignoring an entire country's/continent's grammar style).
And finally, here's the Australian Government Style Guide, which still doesn't permit double quotation marks at all in dialogue.
#asks and answers#pia on editing#pia on writing#um i think this is one of the only places where my patriotism exists sadlkfjasd#i'm proud of our grammar#i want it to exist instead of being homogenised into US grammar#and in that sense i do have a preference towards preserving something#especially if it's still working
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cw: mentions of fatphobia, body image issues, gendered beauty standards
hey sex witch! love and appreciate your sex ed posts and the resources you've shared. i noticed that you've answered some asks about becoming more comfortable with expressing sexual attraction, and finding ways to see yourself as desirable -- i was wondering if you had any similar thoughts about becoming more comfortable with other people expressing attraction to you, especially verbally. it's something i'd really like to start enjoying in a casual way (i'm more okay with it within a long-term relationship or a kink dynamic, partly because it's something i can negotiate), but it's pretty consistently something that feels "off" for me and kills my interest. i don't want to react that way! i actively want to enjoy it, especially with people i otherwise like and connect with, and i feel like i might enjoy it a lot someday if the circumstances were right or if i changed my mindset/framing. plus, i know that i really like complimenting people i'm attracted to (if i know that they like it and i know what it means to them), and i'd like that to be a mutual thing.
to be clear, i haven't experienced sexual trauma, i'm nondysphoric (transmasc), and i'd say that i really like my appearance (in a nonsexual/aesthetic sense), so i think i can rule out a few of the common reasons that people feel this way. others have suggested that i might be aspec/demisexual when i've talked about my experiences, but i've gone through that particular questioning process before (and identified as aroace/"not interested" for most of my life), and i feel like it's probably something else.
i think a significant part of the problem is that when people have flirted with me/said that i'm physically attractive, they've usually referenced beauty standards that i'm both very opposed to and which are at odds with my sexuality and what i see as beautiful. i'm a guy who's always been viewed as thin and as having a "conventionally androgynous" (?) body type, and i've generally been attracted to people with body types and/or presentations that are noticeably different from mine -- that includes feminine-presenting people, fat and chubby people, and trans and gnc people who present in ways that combine masculinity and femininity. i've pretty much never been attracted to men who look like me. but when people compliment me on my appearance, they often compliment my body type or size directly or indirectly, and i feel like there's a certain undertone of "i'm labeling you as attractive because you don't look like Those People." i don't want to be around that attitude, and i don't find it flattering or "nice."
i generally wouldn't want to assume that a person who uses these compliments actually has extremely normative views on sex, is fatphobic, etc., and i believe that attraction is morally neutral no matter what your "type" is. it's not like i don't have specific preferences myself, though i probably have some biases that i'm not yet aware of. the whole idea of people being attracted to you because of aspects of your appearance that you didn't choose is...inherently messy, i think. i also know that in most cases, i can just leave, or ask people not to talk about me in these terms. but i still find the whole thing alienating and off-putting, to such an extent that i feel disconnected from most discussions and portrayals of sexuality, especially re: attraction to men. and that's on top of having to deal with the very common assumption that it's a universal experience for women and trans people to hate their bodies and want certain types of validation (but that's kind of a separate issue that i won't get into here).
do you have any thoughts on how to navigate this? i feel like i might be missing something important, but maybe i just need to understand and accept what doesn't work for me.
thanks!
hi anon,
I hate to be so brief when you've presented me with a veritable novella, but listen: you've already answered your own question here.
if I'm reading this right sounds like what you're experiencing isn't an issue of disliking compliments because you lack self esteem, but disliking compliments that are focusing on your body in ways that you don't enjoy. the problem in this scenario really isn't on your end. no matter how well-meaning people might be, you're not under any obligation to make yourself enjoy compliments that make you uneasy, and I'm certainly not going to be the person who tries to tell you how considering I operate my own life almost entirely around the notion that if it sucks, one must hit da bricks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
you already said it yourself: if you don't like the way someone talks to you, especially if they're someone you'd like to continue having a relationship and building rapport with, the best move is to ask them not to talk about you that way. (if they're someone you'll never see again and don't give a shit about, by all means just blow it off.) if they're not cool with that boundary, awesome! you've learned something very important about them and can terminate that potential relationship immediately.
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Why I Love Luan and Lucy's Dynamic
(2/4 of a series of essays in which I ramble about my favourite characters/ships in the loud house; THIS IS NOT A SHIP POST. LOUDCEST DNI)
As many of the sister-sister dynamics are, l believe Luan and Lucy to be tragically underrated in the realm of fandom appreciation, and I, being a massive fan of these two, would like to remedy this.
The bare bones appeal of the dynamic between Lucy and Luan is that they are indicative of the usual 'Sun & Moon' trope (in a platonic sense) - as it seems that they represent two scales of vastly different aesthetics & mindsets - however, as I'll explain further, they have a lot more common than what meets the eye.
The episode, 'Head Poets Anxiety', is one of my favourites because it emphasises this very point of how even though they are visually very different, the semantics of their behaviour crosses over very firmly within the main plot of the episode
Throughout the episode, Luan never directly mocks Lucy's interests in the macabre, and Lucy actively laughs at Luan's puns, presenting their genuine respect for each other. As it continues, Luan mentors Lucy and the two never actively try to put a peg down on the other's interests. The only time this occurs is when Luan splits after hearing Lucy is the youngest person at the Chortle Portle; however, her behaviour is much more restrained than how Luan would usually treat people who have wronged her. I.e., in Undercover Mom, Rita gets pranked after Luan discovers she is Brita - but, instead of that, Luan avoids Lucy (which I always read as knowing shes quick to snap but not wanting to let Lucy feel bad and therefore keeping it to herself and snaps at Lucy out of frustration, not rather genuine malice for her interests.
It seems that in this episode, Lucy is treated with a much more of gentle attitude from Luan than Luan would regularly give to the others. This can be further emphasised in a similar vein in the episode 'No Laughing Matter' in which, unlike the others, Luan doesn't actively pester Lucy in a way that isn't harming her - with Lincoln, she punched his lights out (practically) with her boxing glove surprise box or smashing a pie in Lisa's face, instead, she opens her coffin and messes with Edwin - this still annoys Lucy, of course. Still, it's much less harassment than she gave the others. Thus presenting Luan as having a softer spot for Lucy (excluding the conversation of the April Fools episodes). However, this is not a standalone episode. In various episodes, Luan has never once actively mocked Lucy's interests, compared to some of her siblings. It is worth noting that she did say in 'Sleuth or Consequences' that whoever owned the Princess Pony book would be the laughingstock of the family, but I digress.
I believe that Luan's desire to protect and mentor Lucy originates from Luan seeing her younger self in Lucy. While, of course, this is essentially canonised with the flashback in 'Head Poets Anxiety', I would like to use this as a way to point out the similarities ( between the two. Both have a very persistent tone of voice that would be considered non-typical, both have a love of theatrics (see the comics), both love playing pretend (Edwin & Mr Coconuts), and both generally seem to follow in the mindset of 'nothing matters' in different respects but fundamentally have the same root. (For Lucy, it's more nihilistic - for Luan, it is absurdist - it's worth noting that Albert Camus has stated that often absurdism is the answer to nihilism).
Also, as a bonus bit of analysis because I'm a huge music nerd. I find their dynamic compelling given that goth music as we know it originated from new wave music, as did more wacky music such as Adam Ant - therefore meaning that specific elements crossover throughout whatever differences there may be from dark wave to new wave romanticism, etc. Luan and Lucy perfectly capture the crossovers of the two subgenres in sound.
In summary, Luan and Lucy mean the world to me because they're two weird girls considered outsiders of the family for different reasons but ultimately have a profound connection based on that.
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I'm still thinking about The Rain Road from Worlds Beyond Number in like five different ways, particularly in how it relates to a bunch of other actual plays, so I'm cramming them all into one massive post:
There was a NADDPod D&D Court case in the live show they released this week in which the DM invented a language for Thieves' Cant and put it in a packet for a new player who was playing a rogue but did not make it clear this was required reading, and then in-game answered the rogue's investigation check in this language, which the player had no ability to understand, and it shut down an avenue of story. Absolutely wild case but the point here is that this sort of energy needs to be directed into writing in-world songs or poetry and not a conlang your player has to pick up in their spare time.
In the Fireside, Aabria talked about how the song was inherently political despite being religious and not having any political lyrics (comparing it to some of the spirituals of enslaved African-Americans). We do know that the people who knew the song were older; we know that Galani and Suvi felt a certain way as members of the imperium about it, and that Morrow did not recognize the greetings of Port Talon derived from the worship of Naram and Orima. It's unclear precisely what the Empire's attitude is towards religion. It does not appear to be outlawed and Steel indicates a non-religious degree of respect towards Great Spirits; it seems it's simply not respected by the Empire on the whole, perhaps broadly discouraged. Even a fairly neutral attitude of disregard could erode it culturally among younger people who are always eager to reject the older ways. A cynical person would say any of these could be the path to eventual harsher legislation; wear it down first for a few generations, then come in when the opposition is weak. What's interesting to me is this relationship between religion and Empire, especially against the backdrop of Critical Role. There, we've seen it several ways - religious institutions using the tools of empire (Othanzia), empires that blur the lines between the two (Kryn Dynasty), but also empires that outlaw it (the Dwendalian Empire going after casual worshippers of the Changebringer, leaving their children to fend for themselves). My own feeling here is that religion is conceptually neutral and can be used for either good or ill, and empire is not given that it relies on conquest, but it is interesting to see the vast differences in the fandoms for the two works - which have decent overlap - re: religion when we have mostly seen the two in opposition vs. when we we have seen many different perspectives worldwide.
To that point I'm really excited for the next arc because while I think empire is, again, always going to be about subjugation and conquering and cannot ever be a good thing, I also think that individuals within it are going to be complicated. I can't remember if it was Brennan or Aabria or both who pointed this out, and that right now we mostly just have the word "empire", but even then, we've seen people seeking the favor of the Imperium but not high up within it do terrible things, and people who are in its military and abused by those in power died to save civilians. The Empire is on the whole going to be a bad force, but I'm looking forward to seeing all the very human reasons why people might support it. (This isn't about the song but it's a natural thought from the previous one).
Back to the song, I know much of the lore of the campaign is taken from Brennan and Erika's cultural backgrounds, but a hymn for rain is something very common in Judaism - the upcoming fall holidays especially center around this. Not much to add there other than that this does feel very true to liturgy that has a basis in the natural and the agricultural; good job Brennan on that.
Bouncing back to the song as it exists as a quiet form of something that is perhaps not explicitly anti-empire, but shows a way without an empire (after all, few things are more of a quiet threat than reminding people the empire did not always exist), Ame is of course the one who makes an effort to learn and spread it; she's the one who builds a shrine during the fight and who knows how to communicate with the spirits (sidebar what the fuck is up with Suvi's necklace). It is interesting to me, among various fandoms, seeing which character is pinned as the Moral Center because it is almost always one vague description, which Ame fits (wise; provincial; vague nature vibes), but the thing is that archetype does not really have a moral code associated with it and I wonder why that's the archetype, particularly since that immediately sticks out to me as a valuable but very limited voice. (It's also interesting that when there isn't an obvious character who fits this type, the Moral Center character - and to be clear I think the idea that one character is the moral center is fallacious and simple thinking to begin with - people gravitate towards, if I can be a bit dismissive about characters I genuinely like since I'm really just dismissing the fandom perception, sob stories, more than anything else).
#long post#i was going to main tag but honestly this is so scattered i won't. read my post if you want to skip if you don't have fun with it#wbn tag#cr tag
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How do you think a female matsuda would trun out? Would she be as idiotic or naive?
Usually, genderbends don't really interest me at all. But in a series like Death Note, which engages with gender in a lot of interesting and undoubtedly unintentional ways, the question of "how would this character be different as a different gender?" suddenly becomes a very intriguing one. So much of death note, both characterization and plot, relies on how different characters mesh with very traditional notions of gender roles. While this isn't something acknowledged much in fandom, many of Death Note's characters are operating under a pretty sexist paradigm that would both affect a genderbent character and inform how they saw themselves.
So. Fematsuda. I have a few thoughts. I'm kind of coming at this from the perspective of what canon would look like if Matsuda were a woman, using some similar gender paradigms to the source material but with a more feminist bent from my own leanings — I guess, a version of Death Note where the in-text sexism is still present to the same extent but is acknowledged as an explicit feature of the characters and world rather than an extension of the creators' own unconscious bigotry.
...I know this was a pretty short question, but I ended up REALLY overanalyzing gender in death note. Lol.
Canon Matsuda has insecurity about his value/role in the team, and seems to generally do a lot of menial/secretarial work for the task force, and is also shown getting them coffee. He really wants to prove himself useful. Assuming that Matsuda is the only genderbent character, I can totally see her doing the same thing but to a heightened extent, and being pigeonholed into that role even more due to her gender. This might also make her more hesitant to act recklessly and against orders, because that would be much less socially acceptable for a woman than for a man.
So as far as plot goes, that would definitely affect the whole matsuda-sneaking-into-yotsuba thing. Speaking of which, would female matsuda still be Misa's manager? As far as I know, it's not nearly as common for a woman to be a talent manager in that era. Not unheard of, of course, but it might stick out, which is the last thing you'd want for an undercover role like that, so L would likely assign Mogi to that role from the beginning. Since I can't see Mogi sneaking into Yotsuba like Matsuda did, this would likely delay the discovery of Higuchi a LOT. However, when it comes to undercover work, Matsuda being a woman might actually serve as an advantage, as women are underestimated by pretty much every Death Note character. L would certainly know this. So maybe Matsuda would be undercover as talent alongside Misa. If that were the case, and she still snuck into Yotsuba, she could totally play the "oopsie! im such a silly woman i just got lost haha" card and those guys would totally believe it.
In this version of Death Note, Matsuda's unrequited romantic feelings for Light would absolutely be explicitly acknowledged rather than subtext, and it would definitely be something that Light knew and Plotted about. As I've discussed in previous posts, this would make the warehouse scene even more satisfying, as Matsuda shooting Light would offer a more explicit payoff to Light's continual tactic of manipulating women
Speaking of manipulating women. @quicktimeeventfull talks a bit in this post about how the Task Force treats Light's manipulation of Takada like a TV drama in a way that is certainly gendered, and argues that they would not have been nearly so gleeful about it if Light and Takada's genders were swapped. I think that also applies here, though in a different way. In canon, Matsuda is the most cavalier one about Light's manipulation of Takada and sidelining of Misa. But as a woman, I think Matsuda would have a very different attitude, because it's certainly a very gendered situation. While I think Matsuda would still tolerate Light's actions and understand why they were necessary, she wouldn't be nearly as gleeful about it, and would probably have more sympathy for Takada.
Okay, so, I don't know a lot about Japanese culture. Most of what I know is absorbed through osmosis through anime and internet discussion — certainly not a great way to gain a full and complete understanding of a different culture, though my family has hosted some Japanese exchange students and my dad used to work there. But one thing that I have seen referenced many times is a stigma against women older than like 25 not being married. Canon Matsuda is the prototypical bachelor, and this isn't really given much weight. He's single, but no one really gives him shit about it except when Light introduces him to his friends like "this is my cousin who gets no bitches." That would certainly change with a genderbent Matsuda. She'd probably get some shit about being single, and maybe have more of a focus on seeking a relationship. I could see the possiblity of a really interesting character subplot here, with Matsuda needing a partner to avoid social stigma yet not having the time or energy to prioritize romance thanks to the Kira investigation.
...I should probably answer your actual question. I actually think that Fematsuda would be less naive than canon Matsuda. A major part of why Matsuda is generally regarded as stupid by both the characters and the fandom is that he's not afraid to act silly and admit that he doesn't understand something. This would be even less acceptable for a woman. It's the nature of misogyny that being taken seriously in a male-dominated field requires women to not admit weakness or lack of knowledge/mastery. We see in chapter 108 that Matsuda's happy-go-lucky persona largely becomes a mask that he wears around people, and he's far more serious one-on-one with Ide, not smiling once. So he's clearly very good at wearing a persona. I think fematsuda would have the opposite mask — she would act a lot more serious and knowledgeable than she actually was. Ironically, by trying to look smarter to be taken seriously, fematsuda wouldn't have canon Matsuda's willingness to ask questions and admit a lack of knowledge, likely resulting in her actually taking longer to understand things. Being a woman in a male-dominated field would likely make her a lot less naive as well
I've been thinking about how this would mesh with Matsuda's mentor/mentee relationship with Soichiro. I gotta say, one of my favorite platonic relationship dynamics is "young woman with potential going into a male dominated field and her male mentor who's willing to go against the conventions of that field to advocate for her," so I'm choosing to believe that's what we'd get. I'm making Soichiro a feminist while shoving the canon evidence to the contrary into the closet. It works, okay? Soichiro is meant to be the moral core of the series so if we're reinterpreting death note through a gendered yet feminist lens it makes SENSE to make him based. Okay? Anyway. Not only is the NPA a predominantly male institution both IRL and in Death Note, but Matsuda's specific role within it and his skills align with very stereotypically male facets of police work — that is, firearms and raids. So if a female matsuda had that same skillset, it would be even more of an unconventional thing within the NPA. Which would make sense for why Soichiro would choose to take her under his wing. I'm reminded of my dad, who works in a very male dominated field, and because of that takes women in his field more seriously than men because he knows that, in order to reach the same level as their male counterparts, must have put in a lot more effort. I can see Soichiro thinking of Matsuda the same way in this AU.
I think it would be funny if this Matsuda still had a crush on Misa. Supreme Bag Fumbler Lesbianbait Misa Amane
Another plot thing that would have different implications: Matsuda having Soichiro tell Mello that he's the second L. Light as L has an altered voice, but still reads as male. But the same was true for the second Kira, who turned out to be Misa. There's certainly some room to explore the implications there alongside gendered assumptions made throughout the series by the characters, such as everyone taking for granted that Kira is a man. I think this lie would still work. Maybe Mello would be even more likely to believe it, since hiding the second L's real gender is a pretty good misdirection tactic.
10. ...If Matsuda was obviously a woman when she went on TV for the broadcast to bait Higuchi out, what if Higuchi assumed that she was Misa? After all, he knows that Misa knows he's acting as Kira at that point, and he knows her face and name. And Misa wouldn't be responding to her phone. So Higuchi might try to kill Misa, but Rem would obviously kill him first, leading to both Rem and Higuchi's death. The Task Force would see that on the cameras and know where to pick up the notebook. Would that still result in Light touching the notebook? Who knows. It would certainly lead to L knowing far less about the notebook and shinigami, since Rem would be dead and they'd have no link between the notebook and someone dying. There would no longer be anything obviously supernatural about it, just a list of names in the notebook that lined up with Kira's victims. Since Higuchi died of a heart attack, they might conclude that he wasn't Kira, or at least not the only one. It would require further investigation, which would doubtless lead to Light getting his hands on the notebook, and canon would proceed with the task force knowing less about the notebook and shinigami. But with Rem dead, how would Light kill L? Probably with Misa's shinigami eyes. Things would certainly go far differently.
Okay, okay, I'm done. Holy shit did I overthink this lol
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apparently i haven't been loud enough about palestine on this sideblog at all, because i already had to block one of those liberal zionists that was following me and liking my posts while only ever reblogging from "nooo i'm not a zionist i swear, i just hate palestinians for totally unrelated reasons" types. so, for the sake of complete clarity about my stance, here are some excerpts from decolonizepalestine.com about the myth of the two-state solution:
"What this approach to a solution neglects, is that Israel is not a normal state. It is a settler colony [You can read more about this here]. We are not talking about two naturally occurring populations which have a land dispute. Israelis are descended from settlers that arrived from abroad with the goal of erecting an ethnocratic settler state in an area that was already home to the Palestinians."
"This approach is also inadequate to right historical wrongs, as it focuses on the pre-1967 borders as a starting point, which are in themselves a product of this colonization, and not the root cause of it. It is thus preoccupied with finding solutions to symptoms, rather than dare address the root cause, which is Zionist settler colonialism and the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians."
"All of these shortcomings are often countered with the assertion that Palestinians must compromise to reach peace. Israeli control is treated as a fait accompli and that Palestinians must deal with it, rather than ask for justice. This is the whole premise of the two-state solution, that Palestinians must compromise on their rights to be granted a small, powerless sham of a state in part of their homeland. Israel, of course was not asked to compromise on anything substantial. The only compromise asked of Israelis is to stop its violation of international law, which it should cease regardless of any negotiation with the Palestinians. This attitude basically boils down to “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is negotiable.”."
"Has it never once sounded suspicious to you how Israelis focus on the number of “peace offers” that were refused by the Palestinians, but never once discussed the actual parameters or substance in detail? Because when these parameters are discussed, it becomes clear that these are terms nobody could accept. So even when Palestinians accepted the 1967 borders, a very limited return of refugees, and other compromises, this was still not good enough for Israel that sought to shrink the Palestinian Bantustan even further. These arrangements seek to formalize the status quo with cosmetic changes. Netanyahu promised that no Palestinian state will emerge, and in the case of any limited self-rule arrangement for the Palestinians, he spoke about a permanent IDF presence in the West Bank, as well as Israeli control of the borders and airspace. These are the amazing “opportunities” that Palestinians have been declining, and as a result are being painted as warmongering rejectionists for doing so."
"It should be mentioned that such arrangements were also concocted for the various Bantustans in Apartheid South Africa. What all of these arrangements have in common, is that they are designed specifically to dance around settler colonialism, and to try and find a “solution” comfortable for the settlers which do not harm any expansionist ambitions. In this way Palestinians are pushed to compromise until there is nothing left to compromise on, they are now even being pushed to compromise on having actual borders."
"That we barely ever hear about the offers that the Yishuv/Israel rejected should be an indicator of the nature of mainstream discussions on Palestine and the silencing of Palestinian voices. The Palestinian Liberation Organization also called for establishing a secular, democratic unitary state for all its citizens. Naturally, none of these proposals included genocide, ethnic cleansing or mass murder."
"Underlying the logic of both of these approaches are racist assumptions that the colonized are barbaric, bloodthirsty and ruthless. It is a deeply dehumanizing logic, steeped in every colonial and Orientalist trope. The idea that a decolonized, free Palestine would inevitably lead to genocide comes from this same logic. As a matter of fact, for all the claims of the Palestinians wanting to push Israelis into the sea, only the opposite has occurred in reality."
#cozy speaks#liberal zionism is still zionism babes!!!#palestine#my stance has always been clear and i have no fuckin clue why people keep missing that#free palestine isn't a metaphor yall get that right??#on a more pleasant note: i love the sweet lil palestinian tete that's the mascot of decolonizepalestine
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Welp, I'm gonna finally talk about it, especially since my moot @greetings-inferiors told me to do it, and my best friend said it was okay!
The self indulgent Persona AU I made for my friend and I's silly, gay, adult men ocs because I'm obsessed with this franchise!
(***NOTE: This post will be split into two parts, 1. To give both characters equal attention, and 2. So it's easier to read! Also will be referring to the characters by their first name initials, sorry!)
Firstly, let's begin with a slight introduction to our first character who I will be discussing; My best friends OC and special man, F.
F is a 27 (if 2022) year old guy, or 32-33 during Persona 3's time (2009-2010), or 41 during Persona 5's time (2016). Regardless though, he's a chubby-ish dorky blond that's a mixture of masc punk and cozy femme cottagecore (depending on the day), who loves nature, playing the guitar, cooking, and hiking through the woods. He is very sweet, excitable, kind, and a complete and utter dork that tries to find the good in everything.
However, much like many ocs of mine and my friends, he also has his own trauma and demons. But, through the love and support of his boyfriend/husband N (my handsome man), he learns to overcome and live with the trauma, while healing the metaphorical and physical wounds on his body into scars.
F's chosen Persona of course is the Mythological hero of the Trojan War, and the central character of Homer's Iliad, Achilles! The Persona takes the form of a humanoid person, with both masculine and feminine qualities, their body wrapped around and balancing upon their golden spear as if it were a pole dancer.
Most of their body is suspended in the air other than for one foot, which touches the floor, representing how all of Achilles' body was impervious other than his heel, due to it being the only part not dipped within the River Styx as a baby. Alongside that, not only does Achilles' body being suspended represent him being a pseudo-demigod, but also F's high on life attitude, feeling free and happy but still having his own vulnerabilities.
The overall Persona's clothing scheme is a sort've punkish Greek armor, combining a leather strap harness with a corset. Its arms are covered with mesh, studded leather bands etched with the alchemical symbol of Achilles, elbow pads with etchings similar to his shield, spiked wristbands, and fingerless studded gloves. Around their waist is a loose cloth skirt, similar to the red cape Achilles often is depicted donning. They also wear clunky platform boots with Greek sandal styled strapping, with an arrow pierced through the heel of the foot touching the floor. And last but not least, atop the Personas head is a studded Trojan helmet, where a long and luxurious mane of golden hair spills out from the top, taking the place of the plume.
For F, the feminine and masculine qualities of the Persona's outfit represents both his love of punk themed clothes, but also his comfort within his sexuality and gender. The mesh around its arms, the big platform boots, the spikes, and the mohawk are all common items that F has worn before. And in terms of mythological lore, Achilles was regarded to be a masculine and feminine man. During a part of his life, he even comfortably hid as a woman while living on the island of Skyros. It also gives off a sense of etherealness by making the Persona stand out, while balancing colors of black, white, gold, and red, common colors associated with both F and Achilles!
I'm not entirely sure what Arcana Achilles would be, but I'm kinda learning towards either Sun or Chariot! It would likely utilize Agi/Fire magic but focus more on physical skills and some general skills, like Tarukaja, Makajama, or Marin Karin!
So what about his SEES costume? Or his Phantom Thieves outfit in the Metaverse?
For his SEES gear, it would probably be a punk, modified earthy green denim jacket with all sorts of patches and messy writing, with the SEES armband over his left arm and shoulder. F would have a simple tshirt, with baggy 2000's style jeans, some clunky boots, and a black half skirt with a white belt and his Evoker! And over the shoulder, like Yukari and Junpei, he'd have a connecting white strap where he'd hook his big shield as his weapon. Very chaotic and messy, but very him!
Also yes, his weapon is a shield because I couldn't figure out where to places Achilles' signature shield, and thought it would be fitting if F carried one! Not to mention, a tactical shield or ultimate weapon of Achilles' shield would be SICK!
And no, it was not intentional that F too is an excitable, blond haired, pansexual punk with a Persona that represents masculinity and femininity, that uses physical skills and carries a shield, like a certain other someone whose name rhymes with Manji.
....
Mostly.
Anyway! For his Phantom Thieves costume, its kinda simple and a little similar to his Persona! Only, F would have a studded black chest plate, with a black-brown under shirt/cover for his arms, gloves with silver knuckles and red palms, puffy black-brown pants, and some big clunky belted punk boots. He would also have a similar around the waist and over the shoulder belt to carry his shield, and a red wraparound cloth to emulate the skirts Trojan's wore. Like Achilles, he too would have a black and red Trojan styled mask, with studs and spikes lining it, and his mohawk poking through! Think kinda like Yoshida's design from ScruffyTurtles Adult Confidants AU! But yknow, a little more punk!
Of course, we can't forget his Codename, which would just be.... Trojan.
Yeah, its a little simple abd on the nose, but I liked the idea since its befitting of him! The only alternative would probably be Valkyrie, but he's not really Valkyrie themed, and I don't wanna use Titan since ScruffyTurtles used that for their AU Yoshida!
So you might asking, "Ammy, the guy is almost ten years older than the entire cast of Persona 3, and would be in his 40's during Persona 5. What setting would he be in??"
Honestly? Probably none of them! But I just liked the idea of him and N as older Persona users, similar to Zenkichi from P5 Strikers, Kasukabe from P5 Tactica, or the entire cast of P2: Eternal Punishment! Realistically, neither of these characters would probably interact with or exist during the games, let alone even INTERACT with the casts! I just liked the thought of them discovering themselves and fighting with their own Personas, with their own unique attacks and stuff!
As for the other elephant in the room; "Why doesn't he have a Persona 5 themed Persona that's a trickster?"
Well, there's a few parts to this issue.
Because F and N are lovers that aid each other, I wanted their Personas to be characters that are connected together, representing their complex relationship and devotion to one another.
In terms of Tricksters who were actually a gay couple, there was only that really came to mind recently: Stede Bonnet aka "The Gentleman Pirate" and Edward Teach aka "Blackbeard.
While a smart idea, not only do I feel weird using characters who many associate with Our Flag Means Death (a kinda-but-not historical fiction show which is VERY popular.)
But also the main issue; Both of these tricksters were AWFUL people in real life. Stede Bonnet was someone who kept slaves and was a bumbling buffoon who admittedly, caused more harm than good as a pirate. I think it'd be awkward and idiotic on my part to give him to either characters, since F isn't racist and N is POC.
Meanwhile Blackbeard on the other hand was ruthless, FAR more ruthless than Kidd, who SA'ed women, took slaves upon his ship (though he did free some), and likely more.
And overall, their relationship was... Not really gay in real life? They were more awkward friends, and aren't quite like Achilles and Patroclus, whom of which had a lot of romantic subtext within their respective ancient epics and stories.
So, unless if someeone can find a historical gay couple/pair who had gay subtext, who were tricksters, I'm sticking with Achilles and Patroclus! (Also yeah spoiler, Patroclus is N's Persona!)
Anyway, this is getting pretty long so, I hope you all enjoyed reading this! This took awhile to make, but my best friend encouraged me to ramble about it and I thought it'd be a fun, slow way to introduce you guys to our boys! Especially sine they will be slowly becoming more prominent as times goes on.
Keep a look out for Part 2 where I write about N and his Persona, Patroclus!
Part 1 - Part 2
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Seven Sentence Sunday
thanks for tagging me @youarenevertooold @artsyunderstudy @alexalexinii and @forabeatofadrum! there aren't many hours left of this sunday and i didn't think i would post anything as i'm super sick with a cold, but i ended up writing a little bit of Keris's POV for a bonus kerixie chapter of my COTTA fic. there's a while to wait before it will be published though!
"I've had to fight for my rights myself. I was at Greenham Common protesting American warheads and fought with the police there, and you know what? It was the most alive I ever felt! That's why the women are running the show, because we actually know what we're doing. And I know especially well. I bet those gay people know what they're doing too, they've been fighting plenty. So if people are going to laugh at you, I suggest you grow a pair and stand up for yourself like we've all been doing!"
i have... thoughts on how the Pride movie approached Lesbians Against Pit Closures, and many of the lesbian characters in general, which i will cover under the cut.
so. the film had a tendency to treat the lesbians as annoying and preachy, and make their attempts at independence seem at best laughable or at worst needlessly divisive. i never liked that, and reading the book on the real events only made it worse.
as the book explains, LGSM could be a loud, politically divided, male dominated group that many women felt they couldn't speak up in. LAPC was necessary for those who felt silenced in the original group or never joined to begin with due to a discomfort with men. the two groups eventually operated alongside one another and you could be a member of both if you were a gay woman, but there were plenty of women who were only a member of one or the other.
and this isn't to criticise LGSM. as i said, they still welcomed women and worked alongside LAPC. many of the men from LGSM stood picketing alongside LAPC when a bar stopped running women's only nights. LAPC twinned with a different village in the north of England, so the existence of the two groups overall helped more people and spread their reach further. the distaste the men have for the idea of a women's group in the movie was nowhere near as strong as it appears to have been in real life.
and we know many lesbians did indeed feel unwelcome around men. they reported being uniquely disliked by the straight men of Onllwyn. while the miners soon got accustomed to the gay men, having at least some common ground with them, they had no interest in lesbians. a sort of "you're not like me, or available to me, so why are you here?" vibe. eventually this attitude seemed to fade and disappear, but by then some women had given up trying to befriend them and had stopped visiting.
however, a lot of the women in Onllwyn were very happy to see the lesbians, as many were queer themselves. some of the lesbians of the group reported having relationships of varying degrees with the Welsh women, and one of the women interviewed in the book was sixteen at the time and came out later in life, being accepted due to LGSM's role in her family's life. today, the village seems very welcoming to lesbians, but that wasn't always the case.
the lesbians also brought with them politics and feminism. while many Welsh women were already politically active (see above when i mentioned Greenham Common, a real protest staged by women of all classes and sexualities before the strikes, and of course they were involved in the miner's strikes), the lesbians fanned that flame and introduced them to new concepts and issues.
Trixie and Keris are my tributes to those two kinds of women. the lesbians of London who got political and struck out on their own, and the lesbians of Wales who only realised they were gay once LGSM arrived and shook up their lives.
anyway. this wound up being longer than i intended.
i'll not tag anyone as it's late, but if anyone wants to share a wip and hasn't been tagged yet, consider this your tag!
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Hey Sam!
Thank you for sharing about your journey with your adult diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD. It led me to understand and (for the moment) self diagnose myself with the same thing (my brother says he might have the same thing too!).
I can't remember if you speak about experiencing it, but for me Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria especially was a revelation, and explains SO much of the intense cringe and people pleasing drive I experience. So does the lack of full awareness of my body moving through an environment.
Like you, I think I've done well in school (and then grad school) because of a possibly high intelligence level - it was never NOT a struggle to meet deadlines etc.
Unlike you though, I don't have a job that matches my background, and being unemployed thru COVID did a real number on my finances. I'm back living with my parents. And while my mom agreed that I have a real bad memory and didn't finish things I start, she didn't agree that I have ADHD. I realise that's because I hid so much from the world about my struggles with focusing and TCBing, not to mention my imaginary fantasies (always preferrable to real life). I was so desperate to appear 'normal'.
I'm in my 40s now, and single, and I'm... angry.
I wonder how different I and my life might've been if I'd been diagnosed earlier. If I were a boy and had hyperactivity, I probably would've been diagnosed immediately. I got good grades and went to a good university and got a good job (well, at least until COVID) and so it just seemed to everyone that I had it together.
Don’t get me wrong. I'm not ungrateful for my life and its opportunities, but it's heartbreaking to realise I've spent half my life not living up to my full potential - and even worse, just hating on myself the whole time! Believing my mom and thinking I was just lazy.
I was not the person I could've been if I'd been performing at max through my 20s and 30s. I did not live the life I was meant to live - the life I could've lived.
At least now, because of you, I've had a total paradigm shift, and am undoing decades of self-hate.
Thank you Sam. You changed my life because you chose to share yours.
Hey, I’m glad I could help! Even if (for both of us) it’s a bit of a mixed blessing.
I haven’t spoken much about RSD, I think because it’s the part I have the most trouble accepting I might be dealing with; I’ve posted a bit about it here and I just...really don’t love it conceptually and I don’t at all like my attitude towards it. I wish I could say I’m processing it but I’m mostly ignoring it, for now. Perhaps eventually.
I’m sorry you’ve had such rotten employment fortune recently; it’s rough to have to move back in with your parents when you don’t want to, especially when the disability aspect is as fraught as it is for you (and for me as well). Hopefully you and your brother can find some common ground and be a bit of a support for each other, but I know how sibling relationships can go too. For what it’s worth, while my work is very suited to my disposition and some of my training, I actually went to school for theatre arts -- giving up a career in theatre was a real rough process, and I still feel bad about it sometimes. I’m grateful for the education I got and the experiences I had, and I do love the job I have now, so I try not to feel as though I wasted my college education and graduate school time on it, but every once in a while I wince when I think of it.
I think it’s extremely natural to be angry; a lot of people I’ve read about and know personally, who’ve had later diagnoses, feel the same as you do. I think I’m fortunate in that sense that I don’t feel angrier -- or perhaps I will eventually, someday. Tough to know if it’s acceptance or denial, which is funny given they’re on opposite sides of the tired old five-stages trope. In any case, the anger I have is very old and I’ve dealt with it a long time. Could life have been different if I’d had more attention earlier in my education, would I have made different choices if I’d had more information and support? Perhaps. But I already knew that; the unfairness of my childhood was already pretty plain to me, and I’ve done my best to deal with and accept that. Which is helpful when you’re faced with a reiteration of it, as it were.
But I’m also glad that you feel like things are shifting, that you’re able to start unpicking the unfairness of a late diagnosis and the justifiable anger you feel around it. It’s the attitude to have, for sure, the idea of undoing the self-hate. Keep on at that, concern yourself with yourself, and let the anger at others be a byproduct of the work, something you know you’ll eventually shed. (Even if that’s tough to do when you’re living with them.) Good luck -- and keep at it!
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i just found your blog through your post about the validity of hyperlabelers and as an unlabeled/someone with limited labels i say hello
labels are so unneccessary. to me. not to you. and thats okay. YOU collect the labels and YOU can keep collecting the labels because you can. and everyone else can shut the fuck up about it because your labels are YOUR labels. YOU can never have too many labels
protecting you from the gatekeepers. stay safe and goodbye
You are so real for this anon. Being unlabeled can be a huge comfort for some people and collecting is a huge comfort for me. It's a very fun hobby too. And I feel like most actually unlabeled people fully understand this point, and don't try and make fun of people with too many labels. It's mostly those with only a few labels (esp fucking monoallocishets my sister is the worst about it she talks shit about people with 50 labels and is mad about me apparently being obsessed with labels when she only knows about 5 of them, she has no idea I'm a proud owner of 200+ and its still too much for her to handle) who throw fits about the weird queers and our many labels.
Personal theory monoallocishets are the worst because they're assumed to be monosexual, monogendered, monogamous, allosexual, alloromantic, cisgender, heterosexual, and heteromantic, so they don't ever have to put thought into who they are. They're not unlabeled because they don't reject labels, they just don't have to have an identity journey because they're "normal."
Label collector and unlabeled solidarity forever. We're both breaking what is 'normal' for labels by having too many or too few for others. We don't have a conflict of interest, but we do have a common enemy (people who will expect everyone to choose one gender, one orientation, one amorous orientation, and few aspec terms.) You are incredibly valid for choosing to define yourself without regards to attraction, gender, or amory, and not slap a sticker on it, just as I am valid for putting so many stickers all you can see are the stickers. Nothing beneath. I think unlabeled people and their attitudes on identity are so cool. I think label cops suck.
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Father & Son Character Headcanons!!!
I've established quite a few of my own Headcanons for most of the F&S characters, not including my OC's who have their own bios now on my OC list, so I'm giving Alan's characters my own personal headcanons for Father & Son.
(Also, if nobody noticed, I gave my standalones an actual title and connected them, so they'll have their own headcanon page later. This will be added to my pinned post eventually.)
Anyways-
Headcanons!
Purple(Nickname: Little flower):
Very sensitive
Has abandonment issues
Inherited his father's sass and attitude
Dropped Navy's last name. Fully adopts Orchid's last name, Rose.
Very scared his power will become unstable and he will hurt someone
Loves clear, sunny days.
Still has most of the scars from the major battles in the early books.
Both very affectionate and not affectionate at all. Like, he will fall asleep cuddling next to King, or physically push him away.
Considers Gold his adoptive brother, and often refers to Sapphire as his sister in law.
Has a surprisingly strong internal system, despite the constant stabbings, major battles, and comas he is put under.
Very street smart
Can space out very easily
Has anxiety
Defenitely has PTSD
Still worried King will turn on him
Always on high alert. With how much Navy has come back, it's become a habit
Has insomnia. Usually can only fall asleep unless he's near King
Still partially processing Orchid's affair
Has chronic headaches and will sometimes look like he's still brainwashed.
Has a necklace King gave him. Always wears it. Protects it with his life. Literally his all-time favorite gift. Will probably kill someone with an energy ball if it gets damaged or broken.
Has a lot of self-doubt and personal self problems. King usually drags him out of the hole with a hug and positive affirmations.
Has a higher self confidence as the series progresses.
King Orange
Protective of all of the kids, but especially protective of Purple
Fears losing Purple
Very attached to Purple. He's scared of losing another child over a stupid mistake.
Cherishes the genuine smiles Purple gives. They aren't very common anymore, with how much the kid has gone through, so he absolutely adores seeing Purple look genuinely happy.
Purple's main support system. Usually holds him when he's having a breakdown and cuddles him until he falls asleep.
Kept an old test staff from when he was avenging Gold as a precaution. While Yellow has the Command Block Staff, King will usually grab Alan's Minecraft block as a last resort.
On occasion will have nightmares, whether it's Purple in danger or any of the other kids. They scare him.
Scared he'll drive Purple away because of a trivial mistake.
Just in general loves Purple. Will probably kill Navy on his own if there's ever a time that they can't bring Purple back
Slightly weary of Gold's relationship with Sapphire, but supportive nonetheless.
Adores seeing Gold and Purple bond. He thinks it's cute, and loves that Purple sees Gold as an adoptive sibling.
Has trouble trusting that Purple knows what he's doing, but grows out of that phase as the series goes on. He does it out of fear that Purple is going to get himself killed or even severely injured.
Chosen
Very protective of Second and the CG
Will murder anyone who messes with Dark
Scared of losing Dark because of what's happened in the past.
Purple's third supporter, next to King and Dark.
Between all three hollow heads, he is the most level headed.
Has insomnia
Tries not to start fights, and is reasonable with what he says if they do start. The last time he and Dark had a fight, he almost lost Dark forever, and he doesn't want that happening again
Finds Dark's exaggeration of things incredibly hilarious
Will hug so tight and never let go. Dark knows this very well.
Occasionally stays the night in Second's room to keep watch over him.
Enjoys teasing Dark. He acts like an older brother to him. Dark finds it annoying and will usually tease him back as payback.
Can be sensitive and emotional
Loves it when Dark calls him "Cho"
Dark
Loves calling Chosen "Cho"
Knows how the Virabots work, even though Navy has rewired them entirely.
Kept the ViraBands as a precaution and last resort. He and Purple both have a ViraBand just in case(Dark's in the black in red from AVA, and Purple's is a mix of purple and blue)
Complains about Chosen's incredibly tight hugs. Deep down, he absolutely loves them. Will usually hug him equally tight.
Purple's secondary supporter.
Has more nightmares than Chosen
Between all three hollowheads, he is hotheaded and reckless.
Will say hurtful words, and then automatically regret them later. Will hate himself for it.
Equally protective of the CG
Is close with Purple and Yellow specifically.(He and Purple kind of trauma bonded and are good at working together, and he and Yellow are some of the smartest people in the group.)
Second
Annoyed at Chosen and Dark's protectiveness, but accepts it. He knows King does the exact same thing with Purple(though Purple is more accepting of the affection and cherishes it)
Occasionally camps out in Red's room. He knows Red had been hit the hardest in the first three books, and in book 6, so he tries comforting him as best as he can.
Extremely protective of the CG, Purple included. Will 100% use his powers if they are threatened.
Very scared that his powers will become out of control. He's still learning about them, like Purple, and is nervous about how crazy they've gotten in the past
His eyes flicker green and his body glows green when he's using his powers.
Whenever he uses a large amount of power, his body will be covered with green electricity, like paralysis.
Very sleep deprived(He blames Green.)
Red
Has PTSD
Has insomnia
Occasionally has nightmares about what he's been through
Purple helps him with his animals
Between the other members of the CG, he's the closest to Purple and Second
Sensitive
Has a bracelet with the CG's colors mixed into it.
Uses fidget toys often
Has anxiety
Is the most childish between all six of the CG members
Next to Purple, he is the most traumatized.
Loves baggy sweaters.
Can tame literally any Minecraft mob.
Yellow
One of the three smartest characters
Between Alan's pc-dwellers, he is the most sarcastic and has the most sass(the title is quickly taken by Purple out of the entire cast)
Tries to be very scientific and logical
Very reasonable
Can very quickly rewire literally any one of Navy's machines. He never gets the chance, but he could do it.
One of the swiftest. Easily able to take out any guards if you give him weapons and a decent chance.(This is very important in the infection au)
VERY sleep deprived.
Addicted to coffee.
Loves insulting Green
Literally Blue's best friend.
Green
Stays up all night playing music. Won't let Second sound-proof his room
Loves trying to annoy Purple in the middle of the night.
Very sarcastic.
Loves to pick verbal fights with Navy whenever he gets a chance
Argues with Yellow on the daily
The strongest in hand-to-hand combat.
Will absolutely start a fight in Purple's honor(Mocha almost lost a nose because of that)
Can roller skate very well(Purple taught him)
Actually does become good friends with Scarlet. His friends love teasing him about their relationship as much as Sapphire is teased about her relationship with Gold
Easily ticked off. Will either start insulting someone into a mental breakdown, or just start throwing hands if you give him a chance
Has an on-off rivalry with King. Purple finds it both annoying and hilarious.
Will 100% let King hear it if he hurts Purple. Like, he will absolutely go insane(King's grateful Green didn't find out that he let Purple run out in the middle of a thunderstorm.)
Blue
Still a netherwart addict.
Basically the gang's alchemist. It's his role in his and Yellow's dynamic too.
Very sensitive
Will let someone hear it if they mess with Yellow.
Loves having one-on-one sleepover campouts with Yellow.
The gangs chef. Probably rivals a chef in Stick City somewhere.
The calmest and most levelheaded between the six of them.
Still weary of Dark
Good friends with Copper.
Is a literal mother hen with the CG. Alan finds it hilarious.
Gold
Protective of Purple.
Slightly weary of Mocha's old friends because of what they did to Purple and Sunny, but accepting of them.
Has playful banter with Copper over his relationship with Sapphire
Loves scavenger hunts.
Still traumatized from the festival and the Minecraft incident.
Has a necklace from Purple. Cherishes it.
Has scars on his arms and upper body from the Minecraft incident
Loves going to arcades. Will drag Purple with him on occasion.
Still spends time with King a lot.
Loves going to the movies. Will take Sapphire there as a date every so often
Navy
Literally just pure evil
Very smart
Feels no remorse for what he's done to Purple
Questions if Purple really is his biological son after the affair between Night Shade and Orchid is revealed
Has not talked to his parents in years. Didn't even talk to them after leaving Orchid and Purple.
Took way to long to realize that Orchid was dead. Didn't even know of it until Night Shade brought it up while they were plotting their second attempt at getting rid of Purple(meaning he didn't know she was dead until book 2)
Wonders how the fuck Purple is still alive
Has full control of the ViraBots. Doesn't realize that Dark can easily hack into them.
Has major anger issues
Has completely forgotten how to fight in hand-to-hand combat. Has gotten way too used to fighting Purple in the sky with energy balls and ViraBands to even remember(this happens in books 9-10)
Orchid
Still partially sane
Feels a little remorse for what she's done to Purple, but not enough to break through Navy's mind control.
Still very weak. The illness that killed her originally(pre-series) is still inside of her, and it weakens her physical strength
Not really ashamed of her affair with Night Shade. She thinks he deserved to know the pain he was giving to her. Did not realize a child would come out of it.
Feels guilty for dropping Amethyst with Night Shade right off the bat. She knew deep down that Navy would kill her if he ever learned Orchid had a child with another person.
Never knew that Navy and Night Shade were related. She just thought that they were really close friends.
Originally gave Purple the nickname "my little prince". It is used it two different ways in the series: Navy uses it to taunt Purple, and King changes it to "my little flower" as an affectionate nickname for Purple
Didn't use Navy's last name, Ribbon. This follows Purple, who drops Ribbon and uses Rose.
#bro they got rid of the yellow text option what the fuck#ava father & son#autumn writes#avm purple#avm navy#avm king orange#avm green#avm blue#avm red#avm yellow#avm tsc#avm tco#avm tdl#I did not use this to project onto some of the characters oop
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This ain't it:
Being anti-harassment is a central tenant of being proship.
Now, people can CALL themselves proship and harass or not be safe, but because proship went from "general pro-fandom stance" to "anti-anti" when anti/ship/pers coined their name, you are not proship if you are pro-harassment. Being proship is more fundamentally about anti-harassment nowadays than it even is about being anti-censorship.
And quite frankly, I'd trust someone more who is like "eh I'm not sure some stuff SHOULD be written about, but I'm not gonna harass anyone over it because it's not my business to police" over someone who is like "you should NEVER try to censor fiction and if you DO I'll suibait you and send gore and doxx you".
I judge people by their actions ONLY. Not all people who are neutral or even anti-leaning in terms of censorship ever in their lives bother to actually try to get any kind of regulation placed on fiction, but people who harass are actively fundamentally hurting people. I also judge those who do police and regulate fiction, but quite honestly, those who are anti-harassment are both still better people and still more likely to be someone you can talk to about the dangers of censorship who will listen and at least might become more neutral, than ANYONE who harasses ANYONE else in this discourse.
Also, if you can't recognize that "ship and let ship" is itself an anti-harassment self-mandate, you may need to work on your reading comprehension. The "let ship" part means "let other people ship BY NOT HARASSING THEM.
Yes, that part is limited to not harassing OVER SHIPS, but still. Also yes, that is fundamentally about censorship. Tell me you don't understand being proship at all without telling me. "It's about thinking people can ship what they please and letting them do so". So it's... not censoring types of ships, specific ships, or any shipping content you don't like or find problematic? Hmmmmm....
Anyway I don't get how you can write a post this self-contradictory and not see it.
Yes, don't trust people based on their stance; but because people can lie, not because proship hasn't become a generalized stance equivalent to "profic". And definitely not because "ship and let ship" somehow means "you can harass people and try to censor certain fanworks as long as they don't include romantic pairings". Proship is VERY SPECIFICALLY about not harassing people OVER FANDOM SHIT IN GENERAL and NOT CENSORING ANY TYPE OF SPECIFIC MATERIAL IN FANWORKS.
Anyway you could make your point about labels not automatically making someone safe (this is true of ANY label) without reducing the definition of proship to basically nothing and saying "it's about letting people do things but you can still try to get them not to do it via harassment". Or maybe you were trying to say "proship is about being against harassing over ships but nothing else" which would make more SENSE but be untrue using the actual common usage descriptivist definition of the word.
Even then... proship has grown to refer to general fandom attitudes. "Ship and let ship" has become "make fanworks and let make fanworks". Yes, there are unsafe people that use your discourse labels, but maybe it's not in fact that the majority of people who use it are using it wrong.
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