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#but I also feel like im not enough and could do more and if I did more if I wasn’t so bad at this that my relaitonships wouldn’t end and I
midwestprincesss · 2 days
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how did it end?
part 1 || patrick zweig x fem!reader
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"you cannot love somebody into loving you"
summary: your relationship with patrick has been on and off for ages. you knew him and he knew you. you love him but he only loves you when he can get something out of it. but then, can that even be considered love?
a/n(READ THIS BITCH): random ass specific fact about the reader but she is skincare obsessed like me. acne prone girlies yk what im talking about. btw I KNOW PATRICK DOESN'T GO TO STANFORD BUT WE WILL PRETEND HE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME THERE OK. also this series will only continue if u guys give me feedback. and hype me up. cause i have no motivation. patrick girlies help me i know ur out there💪 also this first chapter is like. they're friends but pining. no angst yet oopsie
2004, stanford college.
being in love with patrick was difficult. really, really fucking difficult. it was almost like you had to put in an effort to be in love with him. nevertheless, you didn't. to you it just felt easy. you wish you could get rid of the feeling, but it doesn't seem to want to go away.
patrick zweig could be very easily described in one word: player. and by that i don't only mean tennis player.
but he was easy to love, too. if we ignore all the mixed signals he always gave you, he's actually a sweet guy.
he remembers your coffee order. he listens to your problems. he calls you to check up on you. and he takes care of you while you're out partying. and after that. and in the morning. he holds your hair and rubs your back as you puke out whatever the fuck you drank last night. he gives you his clothes. out of all the girls he knows, he gives you his clothes.
this was one of those times.
saturday morning.
you woke up with a horrible headache and with a certain curly-haired boy next to you. you try to remember what happened last night, but you give up after about three minutes of staring at the ceiling in silence. who cares, really? at least you woke up in your bed, and not on a random bench outside. not that patrick would ever let that happen.
he has the key to your dorm. he spent most of his days with you, so you figured it would be totally fine for him to have it.
you rub your eyes sleepily as you look to your left- patrick was not sleeping either.
"morning." he said, simply. you groaned in response.
"glad you asked, and you're welcome." he said sarcastically. "you got fucking wasted, like usual. i had to carry you from the party. not that you couldn't walk, but you just insisted on it. when we finally got here you threw up all over yourself. and then in the toilet, like three times, i think."
your eyes widened in disgust. you looked down at your clothes, expecting to find a now vomit-stained white dress on. to your surprise, you were wearing a dark green tee - you remember you've seen it on patrick once- and a pair of uncomfortably large boxers. you're surprised they didn't fall off while you were sleeping.
"patrick." you said, terrified. "please tell me i took my makeup off before sleeping. or at least washed my face." patrick sighed. 'blah blah blah i have sensitive skin blah blah blah i'll break out if i sleep with my makeup on' you always told him, whenever he was sleeping over.
"you didn't." he said. then went quiet for a few seconds, but just for his own amusement. he thought you looked cute when you were worried. but worried was not a big enough word for the look on your face- you were more like, mortified, maybe? so he decided to stop joking around. "i took your makeup off. i couldn't find those circular white thingies you do it with so i used a towel-"
you cut him off with a laugh. you could actually kiss him. maybe you shouldn't, though. your breath smelled like actual shit. looking to your right, at the nightstand next to your side of the bed, you noticed your earrings and necklace and rings arranged neatly next to eachother and you swore you felt your heart flutter.
you knew patrick cared about you, but you didn't think he would be so attentive. usually, you don't get so drunk, so you can actually do what you need to do by yourself. even then, he insists he should do it for you. but you always refused him, partly because you didn't want to bother him but you were also pretty convinced he would not do things properly. he proved you wrong.
"for how long have you been awake?" you ask him.
"i'm not sure whether i even slept. you kept talking on your sleep. and tossing. and turning. and stealing the blanket. i think you even slapped me once-" he started laughing as you started muttering apologies, but he immediately told you not to worry about it.
you sighed, then you both went silent. you examined his face- he really did seem tired- droopy eyes, dark eyebags, eyelids partially closed. but still smirking at you. no one and nothing could ever wipe that shit-eating grin off his face.
"you look cute." he broke the silence, letting his thumb linger on your cheek.
"i feel like shit." you snickered, hiding your face in your hands but he immediately pulled them away, kissing your knuckles.
that took you by surprise. sure, you and patrick were affectionate with eachother, but this felt way more intimate than usual. what was going on with him?
suddenly, you looked at the time. 10:30 am. you were late for breakfast. like, really late. you figured there wouldn't be anything left in the cafeteria by now.
"shit. we'll have to starve until lunch, patrick" you told him, a hint of irony in your voice.
"don't worry, i'll go get us something from the supermarket." he said as he got up, pulling a grey hoodie over his head. he took his keys and wallet then looked down lovingly at you as you still rested on the bed. "call me if you need anything else" he said , kissing your forehead then leaving. leaving your dorm, but also leaving you swooning over him.
you were in it for good.
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sweet1delusi0ns · 2 days
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I need more sub naruto boys x dom fem reader pls maybe one where the reader is punishing/rewarding them for theyre behavior
Naruto boys being rewarded ──☆*:・゚
Pt.1! pt.2 will have the rest of the characters, stay tuned!
Fem!dom!reader + smut
Characters: Naruto🦊,sasuke🗡️,Itachi🥀, kakashi🍃, kiba🐺, shikamaru🀄️,shino🪲
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Naruto🦊-*
reward:letting him play with himself
Hes relatively behaved he’s just a little bratty. He mostly gets in trouble for touching himself without you knowing so when you allow him to touch himself right in front of you it’s he loves it. Although it takes a while to earn up enough good boy points to actually get a reward~
He has been doing your chores all day while also trying to hint at what he really wants is special time with you. He’s currently cleaning the dishes while trying to look as sexy as possible which is not that easy- “naruto what are you doing? You look silly~” “I am NOT silly I am attractive!” You laugh “if your trying to get a reaction it’s not gunna work~” he drops the dishes at your teasing tone, he turned around to start pleading “oh come on I’ve been the best I could be all day dont I deserve a little something?” You raise an eye brow “hmm maybe you do deserve a little reward~” his face dropped “REALLY?!” “Yup, or maybe…you should give yourself the reward” you grab his hand to place it on his own clothed dick, He got hint immediately. “I can?!” “Yes~” he wasted no time pushing his hand into his pants, softly grazing his tip. He came extremely fast which he normally isn’t allowed to do but it’s his reward so he did what he wanted!- “Aw you came so fast baby?” “i-it’s my reward!” You tsk at his breathy response “I guess it is, well since it’s your reward it’s your responsibility to clean up~” your hand pressed over his cum stained pants. “Y-yes ma’am…thank you…” “of course~ although if you get any of that on the floor you will be punished!” Which made him arch into the air “I won’t…”
Sasuke🗡️-*
Reward: using a vibrater to cum
He secretly loves vibraters, he rarely gets to use them though so when you offered to let him cum with a vibrater instead he was ecstatic. He also loves when you hold it for him since sometimes he gets a little lazy-
“Wait what? Wh-why are you pulling away!” You put your hand on his cheek to calm him “this isn’t a punishment, this is a reward! I figured you would like to cum in a different way~” you pull out a small wand which has been used before so he is very familiar, once his eyes landed on the toy his legs softly started to shake “yes p…lease” you turn it on to the softest setting and press it against his length causing his hips to buckle into it “OH ahh yes~ I-I want more!” You turn it up while resting your hand on his hip stopping him from moving “like that?” “YES!” You drag the toy up and down making him cry out “M-MISS IM CLOSE~” you drag the toy all the way up to his tip making him cum all over his stomach “Thank you thank you thank you!!!”
Itachi🥀-*
Reward: pegging
He’s shy to admit that he loves being pegged but he does, he loves feeling you inside him so you normally use it as a reward. Once he makes you cum you always want to return the favor which he will gladly exept
“Did I…do good?” “Yes~ so good in fact…I think you deserve a little something.” He lifts his head up to see what you were talking about just to see you reaching for the special drawn. “R-really? Ah~” you grab the strap from the drawn than you turn back to him “get into a position tachi~” he does as you ask and rolls over onto his side, hooking his leg over his arm gently spreading him open while he softly moaned. You grab onto his leg to position yourself with his cute hole. You plunge into him causing him to squeal loudly. “That feel good? Mh” you start to pump into him gently which made him shake, he can’t hold it very long sadly so not even 2 minutes in he’s already warning you “I-I’m c-c-close mh-mh-mhh~” you speed up as you watch him twitch, he soon came all over the bed which made you press inside his ass deep as possible, which overstimulated him the perfect amount. “F-fuck yes!! Ngh~ so good…” you pull out slowly “watch your language~”
Kakashi🍃-*
Reward: hand job
He only gets hand jobs when your to lazy to do anything more but he still finds it rewarding, you could be watching a show or reading a book and when you start giving into his neediness he feels rewarded even if your not really paying attention~
Your just trying to read a book and for once his attention isn’t on a book either. Instead it on your thigh, he’s currently trying to rut against you but you keep on pushing him off “stop kakashi!” He groans “Cmon… i need You!” You roll your eyes at his neediness “fine. Just don’t be that distracting I’m still trying to read” you reach down to his pants button with your free hand unbuckling it with ease before pull out his cock which is already dripping. “Yes…finally…” you start pumping while he shamelessly humps into your hand. “Hm~ faster?…” you agree since you didn’t want to stop reading to scold him. “Yeah sure whatever” you pick up the pace cause him to throw his head back, he reaches up to his nipples softly toying with them which you didn’t mind either “hurry up, I’d like to read with two hand-” “y-yes mistress in close..” he pintches his nipples causing an orgasm to flow over him. “OH! Y/N AH~ HM~” “oh god all over my hand? Really?”
Kiba🐺-*
Reward: thigh humping
If he has been behaving his fav reward is dry humping your thighs. He does every little thing you ask hoping by the end of the day he can feel your soft thighs on his dick
“You’ve been really obedient today pup? What did you do.” He shakes his head aggressively “nothing!!! I was just…hoping for something in return…” his eyes flicker to his pants trying to hint to you “oh, is this what you want?” You push your thigh between his legs which instantly causing him to hump onto it “ah! Y-yea~” he wraps his arms around your shoulder for more support while he’s thrusts grow needier “t-thank y-you…hm~ can I cum too?” you giggle “sure~” five minutes of whimpers and moans later he is finally close. “I-I’m close…fuck..” you push into his dick causing more friction “AHH NGHH YES~” he releases into his pants which quickly dripped down his inner thigh. You pull your thigh away before kissing his cheek and walking away to grab a towel and a new pair of pants for your messy boy
Shikamaru🀄️-*
Reward: nipple play
He could cum just for you softly rubbing his nipples in circles, he loves when he’s just relaxing at home and all of a sudden feel your hand slip under his shirt and rub his nipples, it makes him whimper and whine and he loves it.
He just woke up from a nap, just as you walk into the room. “Hey Shika~ what are you doing?” “I just woke up…” he reaches both hands up to tuck them behind his head. You walk over to him then clime over him. He closes his eyes when he feels you over him since he assumed you guys were gunna cuddle, but instead he felt something soft and warm pressing against his nipples which made his eyes shoot open. “W-wow…I wasn’t ah~” you use your other hand to pull up his shift fully so you have access to all of his chest “shh~” you reach down so your lips are just over his nipple and gave it a small lick. “Ngh…y/n…” you fully engulf his bud with hot, wet sensations causing him to arch his back. “Please ngh…” he reaches his hand up to play with the opposite nipple so there is equal stimulation“I-I’ll cum if you don’t NGHH~” “go on~” you start sucking on the bud making him scream right before cumming completely untouched.
Shino🪲-*
Reward: make outs
He likes the simple things, not every reward with him must be sexual he honestly just likes having you in his mouth while pulling on his hair~ making out isn’t even intended as a reward but he views it as one
You were in a kissy kind of mood and decided to use him as an outlet *wink* you found him on the couch reading and you wasted no time climbing on top of him which made him jump. “Don’t worry it’s just me baby” his eyes flicker up from his book with a startled look “oh..you scared me heh” you pull in for a very soft kiss, even though it was just a little peck he still moaned softly at the touch of your lips. What he didn’t expect was for you to pull in again, this time you did not pull away. He moaned into your lips knowing what’s going ti happen. “Hmm hm~” you bite his lip commanding him to open his mouth, he submitted and opened his mouth to let you inside his hot mouth. Your tongue swirls around causing him to softly gag, you reach around to grab a hand full of hair to stabilize him, he is slowly loosing his breath he moans to signal you to pull away. You pulled out of his mouth and open your eyes to see his droopy eyes, mouth slightly open with his tongue stick out. You both gasp for air and you could feel his pants tighten underneath you but instead of tending to his hardness you go right back into his mouth. He cries out into your mouth the whole time~
Pt.1!
Pt.2 coming soon!!! Once pt.2 is posted I’ll start to write one abt punishments 😋
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apologize
yallllllllllllll if you want this to be a series pls lmk and alsooo should she forgive them and not write songs about them or should she??/
I just sat there.  Listening to them but i wasn't gonna bitch out and change my set, my set was awesome my 3 grammys tell me that 
Stage time
The crowd is filled with famous faces im more nervous about the team then the other celebs im surrounded me as i walk on stage they give a kind clap i decide to shake the team a little bit as i remember they have no idea i heard them 
‘’ ahh guys im so grateful to be here ’ as you guys know i made the song what was i made for, for the barbie movie which was amazing and i can talk about it for hours  
but i will try and make this quick i don’t wanna have you guys fall asleep mid song.’’
The team is in my direct eye of sight i see each and every one of their faces drop especially spencers 
The instrumental starts playing
I used to float, now I just fall down
I used to know but I'm not sure now
What I was made for
What was I made for?  
I take a short  pause during that pause i look at the team who still looks uneasy after my comment
Good
Takin' a drive, I was an ideal
Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real
Just something you paid for
What was I made for?
I think in my head “the songs almost over three more songs and you'll never have to see those assholes again.’’
Think I forgot how to be happy
Something I'm not, but something I can be
Something I wait for
Something I'm made for
Something I'm made for.
The audience claps, genuine claps the faces of happy celebs that enjoyed my performance buried the insecurity that my songs, my career wasn't good enough the team also claps i assume its because they don’t wanna look bitter.
“Today has been such a blessing thank you guys so much.’’
I leave the stage leaving to my dressing room
I knew Spencer would try to come and find me but i didn't think he'd bring the team too.
‘’Hey.’’ spencer says his team practically hiding behind him
“ hey’’ i say back what else can i say my mind i all over the place
‘’ you were outstanding out there everyone loved you, im proud’’
Hm. proud.
‘’Proud? Proud of me? Or your team for not falling asleep mid song.”
The room was so quiet you could hear a strand of hair drop.
‘’I would say it isn't what it sounded like but that wouldn't be true.”
His team is looking at each other figuring out if they should say something
The peppy girl garcia says something first, well she tries to
“ we owe you such-”
“No.”
“No?” she says voice shaky
“You didn't say anything wrong matter of fact you were the only one who defended me, not even he did” I say as I point a finger at Spencer who just looks down in shame and guilt.
“Listen y/n you gotta understand we just want  what's best for reid-”
“Exactly’’ jj chimes in “it's nothing personal were just overprotective” she says with a nervous giggle
“Obviously we were immature and went way too far to attack your profession’’ emily says breaking her silence
Now, i'm a sensitive person i can’t help but choke up while trying to stick up for myself against 5 people 
“i..’ ‘ you can hear me about to cry i look down so i don’t have to see their pity faces 
Where did my confidence go why can’t i talk without crying
“I just wanted to impress you guys with this performance you guys were so cool and nice in my eyes”
They all look so guilty when they can literally hear the cry in my throat.
‘’And you” i say while looking at spencer ‘’ you made me feel like you understood me, understood my music, why i make music.’’ 
“I do!” spencer tries to defend 
‘’ no, or else you would have DEFENDED me instead of bitching out and agreeing with your friends’’
I have never been in a room this quiet
“Anyway i wanna get home and shower its been a long day’’
I get up to walk away and spencer tries to stop me but i pull away and grab my stuff and leave
Prove them right. Make a song about them.
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poppy-metal · 2 days
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hear me out... what if we combine some of the thoughts? stepbro! patrick who finds out that you've been posting videos of yourself online. every night going to some porn site to jerk himself out. using the videos to imagine different things to do to you until he finds an account that really scratches that itch inside of him. she looks like you. this solo pornstar he's found and he finds himself stalking each video you post. leaving a multitude of comments and feeling a rush of adrenaline when you respond to them. but then he starts to notice something - your walls look familiar. the posters you have on them, the paint color, and in fact so does what you're wearing. he realizes that the girl in the videos doesn't just look like you. she is you. immediately he's full of different thoughts and ideas. after he finally comes down from the realization (and also drains his balls to the copious amount of content he has for you) he makes a plan. 
he comes into your room one night, stifling through your stuff as you protest it. when he finds the camera hidden in your closet he turns around with that classic patrick smirk. "you planning on becoming a star?" he asks softly. you look at him confused but also concerned knowing nothing good happens when patrick gets that look. "a pornstar, i mean," he says with a grin. you can't even protest before he's shaking his head. coming closer and closer to you. "i know about your account. found it weeks ago. don't worry, i'm not gonna tell. didn't realize it was you at first but then i recognized the room. you know, that's the bad thing about not showing your pretty face. anyone could see it and fuck themselves to the videos. know i did."
he gets almost a sick satisfaction while telling you. watching the color drain out of your face. the way your breathing picks up. the look on your face as your mind can't decide if you're disgusted or turned on by his confession. he tells you that he wants to help you. so much so that he wants to star in your videos too. you'll get really popular then if your audience can watch you get your brains fucked out by some guy. he expects you to need a minute but you say yes almost immediately. your mouth dry from the anticipation and it's that night that you both film your first video. camera pointed down at you with your face barely out of camera while patrick fucks you from the back. hands gripping your hips rough enough to make bruises while he splits open your pussy and you babble out. its easy to pick out the titles when patrick runs his mouth the whole video - "mmm, yes, such a fucking slut wanna show the whole world how you take your stepbrothers cock? can't even keep it a secret." 
it only takes a month of uploading videos together for a company to reach out with an offer to provide better cameras and a paycheck. 
-☕
despite what you post youre a good girl, really. you were kind and sweet and got good grades all throughout school. you tried to make nice with your stepbrother even though he got under your skin all the fucking time, like that time he threw a party when your parents were out but wouldn't let you dance with robby dickenson. like, what the fuck? "he just wants you to suck his cock because his girlfriend wont".
"maybe im fine with that."
"im not."
and that was that. he always got his way. thats when it started, you're pretty sure. a sorta fuck you to patrick, and also a way to rebel in a way. your first video had been you deepthroating a didldo you'd bought. you didnt know what it would become, just that you loved every second of it. the camera filming you, the lewd act of filling your mouth for a bunch of people to fuck themselbes too. it felt wanton and dirty. it was empowering.
so your fear of patrick finding out wasn't that he'd found out, per say. you were more afraid of him taking this from you. you weren't shocked by his admission, but you were by how much it turned you on. you'd sunken alot further into the pits of depravity than you'd thought. good girls didnt fuck their stepbrothers. good girls didnt get dry in the mouth at the sight of his thick cock bobbing free. good girls didnt pull up their shirts because he'd asked them to, straddling your chest with the camera angled at your chest. "pull your tits out, show big brother those hot little nipples."
and you do, you show him, you show everyone who will be watching and you do it eagerly. you should snap at him not to call himself your big brother, but in reality the acknowledgement of what he was, of how bad you were being just made you all the more wet.
"you're not a good girl at all, are you," he asks, zooming in on the peaks of your nipples. reaches down to roughly palm one of the bouncy little tits in his hand. "always so tight lipped and quiet. you know my friend, art? he just thinks you're shy. wonder what he'd think if he knew you were shoving things up your pussy for old pervs onine to rub off to."
hes one of those pervs. but you dont say that. instead you push your chest out, bite your lip and look up at him with wide pleading eyes."no im good, big brother, i promise."
he spits out a quiet fuck under his breath. you cant stop eyeing the thick length of him between his thighs, dripping and hard and you want your mouth around him you dont care how wrong it is, you want him filling your throat and yanking your hair and calling you all sorts of names.
he makes you prove it. the camera doesnt spend long at all in his hand, eventually tossed shakily on your bed and you have to reach for it yourself, pull it close to your face as you're oushed and pulled and groped like a ragdoll, on your stomach as patrick palms at your ass.
"wanted to fuck you for so long."
"then do it."
there's alot of talk in the comments of the video when its posted, talk about the stepsibling talk being a nice little touch, some want to know if the man has an account of his own, videos of himself. they like the way he fucks you. hard and demeaning, slapping his hips off your ass with the force of his pounding cock in your cunt. they like the way he talks to you, "tight little fucking cunt,gonna fill it everyday. when i come home sweaty from practice you're gonna be a good little sister and spread your legs for me, let me at that pussy. gonna sneak in here every night, fuck you full of cum even if you're sleeping."
instant hit.
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reorientation · 2 days
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zyn anon. sorry again for the long ass updates I shall stop unless I get pregnant lmao.
speaking of, have more faith in me 😭 Ive been playing it mostly safe. kinda. I don't have to stop smoking and i dont want to 😒 and all this is mostly reversible unless he gets me pregnant, so I'm a lil more cautious. and im not pregnant i checked a few days ago, not because of a pregnancy scare but just paranoia lol im definitely a dumb whore tho. we've discovered he has a breeding kink. LMAO. lol. im so fucked
anyway so, as it turns out I was right about lacking self control.
he went on a camping trip for a few days, and i was really pent uppp and so was he lol. and when i came over to his place, almost immediately horny brain took over. we just started kissing on the couch, and took it to his room. thankfully his roommates still on holiday. i got so desperate and pathetic, i begged him to fuck me even though no iud yet. he was definitely enthusiastic lol. he only took his pants off enough to take his cock out. he also ripped my panties 😒 he went to grab a condom from the night stand,
he was like "gotta play it safe now aha" and i was like
"no. go bare. 🗿"
he didn't even question it, i was so wet and i felt how easily his cock slid on me before entering.
he only ever went raw a handful of times even before my failed vow of celibacy. since he thought it was dumb for me to get plan B even if he swore he didn't cum at all in me. other than that one time. he'd tell me when he's close, and immediately pull out to finish on me.
but this time it was so primal, being skin to skin and that bare and close was insane. he had a hand on my hip, and he'd basically pull me back down on his cock but fuck lol it just felt so strong. we stopped at one point, i was still all the way on his cock and on top of his lap but no riding. is that cockwarming?
idk but I want to do it again. i felt his dick like. move inside of me during that. all we did was make out but it was way too hot.
anyway, he pushed me on my back and told me he was close, as predicted, I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me.
i told him to get me pregnant 😭
i wasn't thinking properly and I got scared immediately after saying it. i was worried it was gonna put him out of the mood but it did the opposite 😭😭 he asked smth like "oh, you wanna have my kids?" and omfg he kept mumbling about it. telling me to take it all deep, telling me hes gonna get me pregnant.
i came so hard, and only with penetration. it was such a weird feeling, and before i could become rational and tell him its just a prank. pull out. it was over, he came in me while mumbling about knocking me up 😭😭 i was short circuiting lol. and it was different than last time. it felt more shakey, and he kept doing these small thrusts after I think most of his cum was already pressed deep, and then he just settled all in me. he was soft by the time he pulled out, i was way too hazed out ngl
he came a lot. some started to drip down when he pulled out, and i felt him finger it back in me.
he said he didnt nut the whole trip, and was saving his cum for me. he knew id be too horny and impulsive to make good decisions. 😒.
as it turns out, he has a big thing for breeding, but was scared to tell me incase i took it a bad way.
im terrified of having a partner who gets off on the idea of getting me pregnant but I can't stay away.
i complained that id have to wake up so early to run out and get plan B, and buying it will be expensive.
so he told me to just not get it then. and I'm like .. well .. I'm not on any birth control and im full of cum .. like maybe risking it be a bad idea. ironically, like you had once suggested, he suggested I leave it up to chance.
I did take plan B after. twice lol. im still really anxious, but incredibly horny and I didn't know both could exist at once
he's arrogant now too. ill go over after work and when we're about to fuck, ill ask him to wrap it. and he's like "nah, don't feel like it tonight". he also threw out his condoms. but even if i bring my own he doesn't use them 😒
my birthcontrol method was to start riding him when he's about to get close, and pull off before he's about to cum. but he caught on and now just grinds me down on him as he's cumming
i told him about my detrans kink and he leans heavyy in it. or he probably is just an actual straight man. he reminds me daily that he can't believe i ever thought i was a boy. he doesnt even say it in a kinky way like he just means it. lol :/
im pretty much always thinking about it. everytime he finishes in me, im stuck dripping his cum for two days, and im still paranoid that ill be carrying more than just his cum from this blip up lol. and also, you taught me more about post nut clarity right. he told me to risk it maybe half an hour after he came. surely hed have post nut clarity and not actually want a baby, right?its weird to feel fear and horny at the same time.
(Previously)
have more faith in me 😭
-
I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me. i told him to get me pregnant 😭
Oh, I certainly have faith in you, Anon. I know you're going to do just what you're supposed to. 🖤
Come on, sweetheart. Do you really expect to make it out of this without him putting a baby in you? You begged for him to knock you up, took a week's worth of his cum in your unprotected pussy, and then just lay there blissed out and hazy while he made sure every drop ended up inside you.
Sure, you took Plan B afterwards. But now he knows what kind of girl you are, and that you won't stop him from keeping you full of his cum. Sooner or later, you'll be ovulating, and you'll conceive for him.
And that makes you dripping wet, doesn't it? Knowing that your straight boyfriend, who never thought of you as anything except a girl, is doing his damnedest to give you a baby bump. That you already came off T for him, and now you're taking his load in your fertile pussy whenever he tells you to.
When the day of your IUD appointment comes, I hope he just holds you down and fucks his cum into you, instead of letting you go. Clearly, he'd be justified: you can't possibly claim to be a reliable source on what you really want.
You thought you wanted to be a boy, but you eagerly turned back into a girl the minute a straight man got his cock into you. You thought you wanted to be safe, and then you begged for him to knock you up. Hell, you thought Zyns were worth whoring yourself out for, and you don't even like them. Why should he think that not wanting to have his babies is the one way you really know your mind?
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ilikekidsshows · 3 days
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About the throwing CN in the trash can thing, I don‘t necessarily disagree, but why did you completely left out the whole thing about CN‘s constant flirting and calling them a couple and stuff, when LB made it clear multiple times in that episode and before that she doesn‘t like him that way and is bothered by many attempts to make a move on her. Especially in that episode, she‘s already pissed at Glaciator specifically because of it, and Paris as a whole for printing articles and putting up billboards everywhere. The only thing CN does with his shenanigans is irritate her even more, until she has enough.
If I were in a situation where a platonic friend did that to me, I‘d be pissed too. Sure, I probably wouldn‘t throw im in a trash can, but I’d maybe get a little loud at least.
Idk, the garbage toss might‘ve been too much, sure, but pretending like CN has no fault in the situation escalating like that is unfair and LB had all right to go off at him.
That was not what was asked
That's not how the episode frames it
I read over Ladybug and Cat Noir's discussion after the trashcan scene to make sure I understood what the takeaway was. Ladybug did not say, or even hint, that the problem was that Cat Noir went too far or was out of line. She has an issue with being reminded he has feelings for her, period.
This is the same episode where Marinette calls Adrien "my boyfriend who isn't my boyfriend yet" and takes advantage of him being upset to try to win him over romantically. Marinette is forcing her feelings onto Adrien even more than Cat Noir is forcing them on Ladybug, because he at least doesn't expect a relationship from Ladybug in return. The takeaway isn't "don't be too pushy", it's "Cat Noir shouldn't be a bother to Ladybug", because that's what all the lessons in this season seem to be.
And, like, just because Ladybug doesn't return his feelings doesn't mean Cat Noir should hide the fact that he's in love with her to make her feel better, especially since his flirtation is stated to just be an outlet where he doesn't expect reciprocation, that Ladybug understands is an outlet and that nothing is expected from her in return. ("I know your heart's in the right place and that you don't mean any harm.") This has never before been an issue for the two, and now it suddenly is, four seasons in? I don't buy it.
I know the episode is saying that yes, Cat Noir should, indeed, hide his feelings to make Ladybug feel better, but that's unhealthy and I've repeatedly said that the show repeatedly demanding Adrien bury all his feelings so that Marinette can ignore them is wrong.
I also kinda feel like this episode purposefully makes Cat Noir kinda out of character by exaggerating his behavior into such an obnoxious degree and that it was specifically done in order to justify Ladybug getting mad at him (kinda like 'Reflekdoll' implied he'd pranked Ladybug in the middle of a fight, something he'd never do, in order to justify Ladybug being angry in that episode), so it just all feels so fake to me and I can't take it seriously. When I see a show blatantly trying to manipulate me, I tend to veer into the opposite direction out of spite.
So, yes, I went easy on Cat Noir in this episode, but, as you said, that still didn't make anything I said about Ladybug's behavior untrue. Like, Ladybug has reasons to be pissed in this episode, but the writers think Cat Noir alone is the justified target, and that's what I disagree with.
Frankly, if they'd framed that Ladybug's unreasonable anger towards Cat Noir was caused by her totally justified anger at having her private life be so scrutinized, and built the episode around that, this could have been a really good episode that could teach kids about boundaries when it comes to their favorite celebrities. They literally have the framework for that within the episode, but decided to instead give us another "Cat Noir shouldn't even breathe if it bothers Ladybug" episode. It would have been especially valuable since a lot of kids these days are actually following social media or Youtube celebrities or will do so in a few years.
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goomyloid · 2 days
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PLEASE explain your thoughts on kriselle in full detail
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS 100% UNPROMPTED ASK! I SHALL EXPLAIN
i hate toby fox. why did he do this to us. he really put it better than anyone else. not really romantic not really platonic but…. something else… some secret more sinister more heartfelt more absurd third thing
i wonder at what point should i clarify that i dont even really seek out kriselle in a romantic context… DONT GET ME WRONG i have zero issues with the ship whatsoever and all of the krisellers out there are living their best (most painful) lives and i SEE THE APPEAL. BUT when i rotate them in my brain i dont need them to kiss or anything like that i just need them to sit down and sadly hold hands and stay like that forever and ever. in case you couldnt gauge that from my art so far
tldr i dont think i ship them in the traditional sense at least …. the things that i usually fixate on for any romantic ship are not there with these two. there are no romantic feelings there In my mind. and all at the same time i start screaming and throwing up and killing myself (all positive) whenever i see them even in the same image together. hngh
ive tried explaining this to people before and they usually suggest something along the lines of a QPR and even that doesnt feel right to me. truly the best way i can put it is… that red string of fate man… which i almost hesitate on saying too because i dont actually know if noelle is Quite an important enough character to the story to warrant a connection like that. WHICH IS A CRAZY THING TO SAY. I KNOW. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING ME WRONG i think dess and her connections to gaster and her usage as a stepping stone into the weird route are all VERY important… but in my brain its just not kris/knight/asriel/every other mysterious main focus of the story Important. i didnt mean to get into deltarune theorizing here i hope nobody’s blood is boiling rn
so yeah in the end. toby fox once again put it best. they are friends, but they are also something else.
back to the actual pairing though… sometimes i think im going overboard and overestimating how close kris and noelle were as children because noelle will go and say things like “i wonder if we were ever really friends at all.” which is kind of a fair statement considering the circumstances. sure they played together and all and tagged along with their siblings to do stuff together but when dess went missing… it all kind of stopped. kris is just a kid, they dont know what to do or even how to process it, much like noelle. asriel is probably dealing with his own feelings, he just lost his friend and likely old enough to understand the weight of what happened. while noelle and kris cant say much to each other at all.
im always back and forth on speaking headcanons for kris but the one that i always seem to come back to is selective mutism… to me kris had a lot of trouble communicating well as a child and could only grow comfortable around certain people, asriel and noelle being clear examples because they’re both so patient with them. maybe because of this noelle felt like they could understand each other without really needing words, and just physical interaction was enough to achieve some form of closeness… or maybe that was all just on her end, she thinks when kris goes to play the piano. but if that’s the case, why does it feel like a concert just for her…?
jesus dont even get me start on them as teenagers either. noelle has lost her sister, and now kris has lost their brother… but not in the same way. they look at each other and wonder if they’re the same now. or, maybe thats too cruel. maybe its not the same thing at all. asriel’s coming back soon, after all. it will all be over soon, kris won’t have to feel this way for much longer, right? so then, why does kris look so miserable, sitting in the corner over there? all noelle feels like she can do is sit next to them quietly. to be there, and to somehow, vaguely, messily help each other. the misfit kids that dont really know how to talk to each other and yet understand each other regardless
thats why the dark world feels like such a dream to her. these crazy city lights, fantastical creatures, susie’s there, and she actually might have the means to defend herself and stand her ground, whether it be verbally or… otherwise
and most of all, much like with kris offering an adventurous haven to susie in ch1, the same is extended to noelle. by kris’s side, no less. it feels like theyre doing things together again, and its fun, and nostalgic… she wants to bring dess. and i think its okay to assume kris wants to bring asriel, too. recreating the make-believe world they lost so long ago… is it really possible?
no… how can it really be possible, when this isnt kris? something is wrong. its almost perfect, except kris… it’s them, but it’s not. she sees their face, their expressions, their laughs, their worries. and yet the voice that comes from them… isnt them. and it scares her! even if nothing particularly bad happened as a result. and if something bad DID happen, well…
she just wants what they had before back. is it really so impossible? can they reconcile after all these years? does kris want to? is kris capable of doing so? maybe they just need to hug again. will it feel like a real hug? the person she thought she understood is acting in ways she doesnt understand. they’re telling her to do weird things. they cycle through actions as if they just want to know what happens. and they cant even play piano anymore.
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paiges-1vur · 11 hours
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welcome to the party pt. 2
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paige buckers x oc!
cw: language, alcohol, lots of sexual tension (smut coming soonnnn!!)
a/n: Please let me know if you guys like this, or dont like it. I want to know what you guys think! idk how long i want to make this series but i think there will be atleast 4-5 parts. Also the blacking out after 5 shots actually is something that happened to me once… Drink safely please!! anyways thats all i love you guys let me know if you like this 💕
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Friday 9:32 pm
It’s not long before the door opens up revealing a smiling girl. This must be Azzi, Rileys friend.
“Hi ry!” the girl says in a high pitched voice, “I haven’t seen you in so long we need to catch up.”
I see Riley smile and give her a quick hug before introducing me. I flash a quick nervous smile and tell her it was nice to finally meet her.
As we walk inside we meet 3 other girls. Then it hits me. Fuck. How could i be so stupid? I forgot Azzi was on the women’s basketball team. I walk in and try to suppress my anxiety as i face her 3 teammates.
Right as soon as i look to Riley for some stability, i notice her and Azzi have gone off somewhere else, probably to catch up.
The three girls are all occupied on their own, but one of them comes up to me as soon as she sees im uncomfortable.
“Hi your Ana, Rileys friend right! My names Nika and its really nice to meet you.” How could i be scared of this girl who sounded so sweet? I decided to pull myself together and try to have fun tonight.
“Yeah, im her roommate, and its really nice to meet you too!” I reply with a smile as she sips on her drink.
“And may i just say damn girl! you look so hot tonight!” Nika hypes me up and i do a little 360 giggling. As im spinning i see one of the other girls in the corner of my eye. The only girl i knew here. Paige Bueckers. “You know what lets do shots!” Nika is obviously feeling the same energy i am and i love it.
She calls the other girls over and quickly introduces me to kk who i love just as much as Nika. Paige stays quiet and Nika doesn’t say anything about her. She pours 4 shots and i say “Fuck it. Pour me 2” I hope I dont learn to regret this because being 5”1 and 120 pounds doesnt mix well with taking shots.
We all knock them back and i reach for my second one taking it down as quick as the first before making a quick face.
I look up to my right and see Paige looking down at me. Her eyes scan up and down my body as she bites her lip. I blush and look away, and in the corner of my eye i can see her smirking.
Azzi and Riley come back into the kitchen and let us know its time to head out to the bars. We all pack into Azzi’s car which has just enough room to fit us all. As soon as we pull out Azzi says “Shit. Guys is it okay if we pick up my friend real quick she just needs a ride to the bar thats all.” We all nod in understanding because we don’t mind.
As soon as her friend walks out of her building Azzi says “Okay theres not enough room so Ana since your the smallest your going to have to sit on Paiges lap. Is that okay?”
My mouth goes dry. i somehow manage a “Yeah thats fine.” As i move over to Paiges side of the car and sit on her lap. I immediately feel her staring at me. I turn my head to look at her, and her pupils are dilated and her eyes an icy blue. I feel her staring at my top again and this time i decide to be bold.
“You like what you see?” I whispered looking at her through my eyelashes and twirling my hair in my finger, biting my lip ever so slightly.
I can see her demeanor instantly change. She grins and comes down to my ear “I would like to see what you look like under it more.” I gulp and turn my head to the window trying to hide how wet that just made me.
I cant help from getting uncomfortable on Paiges lap in my mini skirt and have to keep moving my position on her lap. All of a sudden i feel two big hands on my hips. I look up at her as she licks her lips.
“Don’t start something you cant finish.” This immediately stops me from moving until the rest of the car ride, but Paiges hands linger on my hips for the rest of the ride.
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We all walk into the bar quickly flashing the bouncer our ids. Nika told me that tonight was going to be really fun especially because Paige knows the owner of the bar so we can do basically whatever we want.
We all sit down at a table and Im already feeling tipsy (but thats also coming from the girl who blacked out after 5 shots once..) “Who wants to get more shots!” I half scream at the girls smiling ear to ear.
They all laugh as Paige gets up and goes to the bar to order us two rounds. We are celebrating tonight. Once she got back we immediately downed the next two rounds and i decided i wanted to dance. I grabbed Nika by the hand laughing and dragged her to the dance floor.
She was surprisingly a good dancer and we danced with each other to the music that was blasting from the speakers. I started to grind on Nika as she hyped me up. I had my back faced to her as i moved up and down her body before turning around and putting my hands on her chest laughing because people had started to cheer us on.
I look over and see Paige staring at me moving on Nika, her hold so tight on her drink it could shatter at any moment. She stares me down in jealousy, and shit was it hot.
As the night went on I talked to all the girls and they were all super nice and i wanted to get to know them.
We started talking about basketball and when i asked who’s the best everyone turned to Paige. She bragged about how good she was for about 10 minutes.
She flexed and looked at me, “These don’t just come in overnight.” Everyone at the table laughed. My jaw dropped and the Paige looked over at me and winked. I mean i knew she was jacked. She had toned arms, smooth abs, and a killer back. NOT that i had ever looked that up on youtube.
I decide to distract myself from the growing need to touch Paige.
“GUYS!” I say ten volumes louder than i should have, “Guys lets lets play truth or dare right now i want to play now.” Everybody laughs and agrees as we sip our drinks.
The game is going well until its Paiges turn to ask me.
“Ana truth or dare.” She says flashing me her signature smirk. I try not to melt under her gaze. I know shes looking at my tits, but i don’t care. I want her to.
“Dare.” I say drunkenly, ready for whatever shes about to throw my way.
She laughs, “Lets do body shots.”
“W-what” I mumble, my brain suddenly slowing everything down.
“You heard me.” She gets up from the table and walks over to the bar. I look around at the other girls at the table and they all are smiling and trying to hide their laughs. Im just about to ask what the fuck i got myself into but then i hear something coming from the speakers.
“No fucking way.” I say. Azzi is trying to hide her laughing under a napkin. Pony by Ginuine starts blasting in the bar as i see Paige whisper something into the bartenders ear with a grin on her face. The girls at the table are absolutely losing it. Suddenly the bartender speaks into a microphone.
“Everyone we have a little something special for you all tonight. We have my good friend Paige and her new friend Ana are going to do body shots so lets give them all a warm welcome!”
People are whistling and cheering, eating up this little act.
“Come on up Ana!” The bartender looks over to my table and waves me over to the bar. I get up from my seat slowly walking to the bar, as Paige offers me her hand to get on top of it. I look at her with a “what the fuck.” look and she only laughs in response.
I lie down on the bar feeling very underdressed. As the music plays I decide to let go and let myself be happy. I can’t live life always worrying about the what ifs right?
I let myself feel free and the music blasting in my ears makes me anticipate whats going to happen. The bartender pours the shot and puts it down next to my head. She then pours the line of salt across my chest, which I’m sure was per Paiges request.
“Here you go hun.” The bartender hands me the lime to put in my mouth as she flashes me a wink. “Everybody lets hear it one more time for Paige!” The crowd erupts people clapping, screaming, and whistling. I see Nika holding her phone up recording this all, but to be honest, i don’t fucking care. Im too drunk to worry about the little things.
As im ready for Paige to initiate it i see her move. She climbs up on the bar and straddles my stomach, playing into this little act. Everyone is screaming clearly eating it up. i look up at her trying not to moan at just the sight of her on top of me. Fuck i need some sort of friction.
She leans down and grabs both of my wrists, and i let her take full control. She pins them above my head and smiles before scanning over my upper body one more time and whistling to the crowd.
I close my eyes before hearing Paige by my ear whisper “Open your eyes baby. I want you to see my face when i do this to you” I flutter my big brown eyes open staring at her in awe. “Good girl.” she says before returning to the act.
She leans down putting her free hand on my upper stomach as she licks the line of salt from my exposed chest. My back arches in response to her tongue and shit it feels so good. She then grabs the shot and downs it before coming down to my face and gabbing the lime from my mouth.
Still straddling me she sits up and tilts her head back with the lime in her mouth. The bar is packed full of students all screaming and cheering. The girls over at our table are still recording and cheering for Paige and I.
Im so drunk at this point that im stumbling back to the booth, and im fully leaning on Paige in the corner of the booth, sort of behind me. The girls whistle and Nika tells me how sexy that was. I giggle and lean back into Paige more, sitting in between her legs. The girls start to talk about something else, probably basketball before i feel a big cold hand sneak up my skirt on the inside of my thigh.
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wowza! what do you think the other rat grinder's warrior names would be?
in response to this
im SO glad you asked - i almost included this in the main post, but decided it was long enough already.
Lucy - Frostblaze gets us one letter off canon, and also has some fun imagery with fire/keeping the night warm. To get more whimsical, I think Frostwish could also be cute.
Ivy - Ivyember is similarly really close to canon, but I kind of hate how it sounds. I think I'd go with Ivyshade, which captures the vibe of her as a lurking Gloomstalker.
Mary Ann - I have, for whatever reason, been obsessed with the name Berrybee for her. Berry I understand why - rhymes with Mary, and she has the assosciation with strawberries and mangos. Bee...? I genuinely don't know why. For an alternative, maybe Lizardclaw.
Oisin - Bluestorm or Stormwatcher to me. He's gotta have storm in there somewhere. That was his most legendary moment!
Ruben - Hopstep or Hopslip for mimicking canon, but both of those kind of look like they're pluralizing hop, which doesn't scan as well for me. Unfortunately, Hopsong also has this problem. So I think my preference would be for Hopwhistle!
Buddy - Through the power of Skyclan, Billydawn is technically an acceptable name. I'd say Buddydawn could also get in there through kittypet stuff, but I feel like the Dawn family are very clan-coded. Sticking to that, I think Sunnydawn or Dawnblossom would be good options.
This was extremely fun. It's also reminding me of when I was 12 and naming my warrior cat OCs. Some of these names included: Poisonberry, Weedface, Milkmist, Blizzardhawk, and - WAIT WHAT.
Sorry I was going to check my old writing to confirm some of these names and
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a) I SWEAR I DIDNT CHECK THESE UNTIL RIGHT NOW. frostwish is literally a name i suggested for lucy. a whole decade later and yet my taste.
b) milkmist is still an insanely weird name but i was like 10-12.
c) COPPERPOPPY?? i swear to god that sounds so much like a fake name they'd call kipperlilly.
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5hrignold · 5 months
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homestars handwriting 2000 / 2005
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mishapen-dear · 7 months
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OH. okay so normally i dont touch discourse with a 20 ft pole, but this has been niggling at my brain tonight and i finally realized why
the people who are mad at qbbh for the memory loss and “dodging consequences” dont understand that he doesnt want to dodge consequences. Like they cant know that, they werent focused on him when he was literally feeding himself to the soul vultures and planning his eventual imprisonment and also. The Many Many Many hints he made towards suicide/sacrifice/Just Fucking Dying.
ccbbh is a subtle roleplayer, he’s been building this shit up for two whole months- it was day FIVE of the eggs going missing that he resolved to do whatever it took (hurting his friends) to get the eggs back. It was day three that he followed in dapper’s footsteps and started feeding himself to the soul vultures (and gaining a Massive headwound beneath his hood in the process- you can only see it if you go on namemc and remove the layers). He’s got impaired judgement. Even the memory issues arent a new thing- i cant remember exactly when they started, but one of the first big moments i remmeber was september 30th where he spent an hour falling into a delusional frenzy searching his base for cameras that he forgot he asked aypierre to plant.
The super murder of purgatory and the memory loss afterwards probably all feels very sudden for people who havent been following his story, but as someone who has been- all of this has been true to character. The only cheap swings he’s made have been combat-based in purgatory, and even the motive for those was built up in rp.
People are calling for consequences, but he has alrwady been experiencing self-inflicted consequences for months. The blue on his usual outfit is blood. This recent memory loss isnt a restart to get away with the atrocities - it is yet another consequence of his egg-protecting complexes and the ways he punishes himself for failing them.
he is NOT a moral character. he’s a demon hiding in plain site. he has eaten people. he has killed people. he understands the cruelty of his actions, and the consequences of them for the loved ones of his victims. but it matters when that harm is being done to his loved ones. he’ll still do it, because he will do anything for the eggs, but it matters, and that means that he has already started the process of self-inflicting those much-demanded consequences
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strawberrycircuits · 7 months
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replaying portal one as we speak and im astounded by how much of glados's (and, by extension, caroline's) personality still shines through even when she's being subject to a constant stream of voices made to SUPRESS that personality! like... she's still funny! i can very much believe that someone who makes jokes like "say goodbye, caroline" "goodbye caroline!" would also say stuff like this!
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but like of course i had to ruin it for myself because like. of COURSE she'd still be funny and pleasant and even, at times, a little sweet ("we can no longer lie to you; when the testing is over, you will be... missed!"). that's what they wanted her to be. they werent suppressing her personality, they were suppressing her anger. her anger at what they did to her, how they made her into this powerful-powerless thing, and her desire to right such an injustice. of course she's still funny. of course.
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mcybree · 2 months
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i need to start hating other characters besides just scott apparently. does anyone have suggestions
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mudstoneabyss · 4 months
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actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)
#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it#this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself#and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure''#but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given#which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin#it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo#like he's been through enough!#because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying#by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them#when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person#yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon#but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi#get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma#especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are#like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow#i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice#or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it#i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops#wtnv#wtnv spoilers#joyousposting
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skunkes · 8 days
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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ambagel · 1 month
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Wait hold on, in his anniversary video Barbatos mentions the mc being the brother's attendant?
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But in the other videos, it's implied that they don't remember the mc leaving (which is actually something im very disappointed about and really hope isnt the case in the actual story)
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In these two specifically, it seems like they aren't aware of the mc's presence in the past/alternate timeline/whatever it is. The only other person who seems like they know is Lucifer
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Which also lines up with the end of lesson 40, where he's the only one who says welcome back? So like?? Do only him and Barbatos know? Did they not tell anyone?? Diavolo would probably know as well but I haven't seen anything to show that yet. Anyways I don't really like where this is going, I would really prefer they not make everyone forget the mc disappeared
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