Ever since my videos on Youtube and TikTok started getting popular, people would recognize me out in the wild and then realize that I am SO AWKWARD in person.
I LOVE meeting people... but I never know what to say and I always feel like I've disappointed them afterwards.
So, a few months ago... I printed up cards that I could give to people I meet that has an apology inside.
If you happen to see me, please say hi.
But be patient with me... I'm doing my best to "people" .
Nobody said “no” so I’m going to take it as an “okay sure” and just upload some of my TikToks here to make them more accessible.
Anyways, here’s me making and fixing a pretty big mistake because artists aren’t perfect and if you don’t get it right the first time, it is not an indication that you’re a bad artist. Keep at it, make mistakes and fix them when you catch them. You won’t regret it I promise.
Also because it’s Aziraphale and this was one of my favorite scenes. I too would lose my good senses for want of a well baked sweet (and to maybe meet your crush rival while dressed to the nines)
Fuck this whole schtick about how you have to be mentally suffering to be able to create great art as an artist. My mental afflictions are hindering my ability to do shit.
It is VERY admirable that those artists were able to create masterpieces while suffering and obviously nothing wrong with using your pain as inspiration. I have respect for that. But you really don't need to have some sort of mental condition or disorder to be a good artist.
Can we talk about how quickly we can become depressed when we try new things and they don't work out?
I have been doing short videos (vertical and under a minute) for almost 4 years now and I wanted to try and move to a long form format (horizontal and about 3-5 minutes) this year.
Yesterday, I made a video, that took me all day to make, about Drawing Eyes.
I tried to make it as clear as possible and I was very proud of it (I even referenced the Death Star too).
I posted it around dinner time and walked away.
I came back to the worst performing video of my life.
I have made over 1,000 videos and THIS was the worst performing video... EVER.
Not only was it performing so bad but YOUTUBE kept sending me NOTES on HOW BAD IT WAS!
WHY????
And instantly... I went into a depressive state.
"Why am I even doing this?"
"I'm the worst"
"I'm going to be making Shorts forever"
I'm 55. I've tried new things SO many times and failed at them SO many times.
I've been through this before and... survived.
But despite that.... I STILL get depressed when things don't go according to plan.
Is this an Autism thing? Is it an Artist thing?
Or is this a HUMAN thing?
I'm still trying to figure it out, my friends.
But needless to say... yesterday's "experiment" really took the wind out of my sails and I'm still recovering.
As always... I want to share the triumphs and tragedies of being an artist. I try to share moments like this so you know you are NOT alone.
Artists bare their soul to the world and it hurts when an algorithm or critics or trolls piss all over your work. Your soul.
I'm hoping that by talking about it... we can feel... not so alone in our journey.
I guess I could get a little more of that dopamine hit of likes/re-blogs if I did more fanart but I've just never really had it in me. No shade to anyone who does fan works but its just not for me, either in visual art or writing. As a kid I was always wrapped up in my own ideas and still am. I just couldn't do anything with other peoples characters/settings nor would I want too.
the exception may be fallout but whenever I've done anything fallout related it just devolves into 100% OC's and I don't know if that kind of thing is considered cringe in Fan spaces.
As a creator I've never really had an online niche.
"The greatest work is the tireless effort to understand and be worthy of one's life.
When it comes to everything else, just give yourself a break.
Work to make yourself as strong, and as good, and as available to the world as you can, so that when destiny calls, you'll be ready, willing, and able to answer it.
Be passionate about having this chance to live, and everything else will reveal itself to you at the perfect time."
So heres an ai just flipping the canvas and adding blur to a copyrighted artwork
For those that don't know the ai's are made by the creator feeding a bunch of stolen artwork to remix it to form a picture to a users liking
I wouldnt be surprised if we see a lawsuit from big name artists coming in the future
For example if you take a copyrighted artwork or photography into photoshop to alter it and sell use on your own without paying the artist or photographer you can be sued so I dont see much difference between photoshop and the ai generated image above.
Me: omg. I didn't knew being an artist is a freelance job. You can be your own boss. I'll be an artist and I'll get many commissions. This is so awesome!
Today
Me: okay. Time to seek job again. But hey, at least I get one commission request a year. That's a progress. I'll make instant soup before drawing later.
(Please don't put being an artist as main job, when you are just starting. Yes, there are many successful artists, but they are because of years of work. Please find a main job, and art as side job. It'll help you so much. You have to be secure about your income.)
I am so bloody angry! 😡 Logged out from IG for 24 hours to return to people stealing my artwork. I really have 3 new pieces, but soooo not in the mood for sharing. So far for shadowfam as a family, huh. All the same, folk, all the same stuff everywhere.
p.s. I _hate_ it when Mikky is upset and I can do nothing about it.