i've talked about the compulsive need to be "critical" (read: negative) and defensive when talking about things that you like. like knowing only how to praise things by berating other things. but there's another flavor of that: comparing them to some hypothetical perfect ideal.

even in my carefully curated sources for reactions to the mp100 finale, everyone felt the need to comment on if dimple coming back was the "right" thing to happen. few even said that the only thing they'd change in the story would be keeping him dead. everyone said him coming back felt right in context, but it would be the one small detail they would prefer to have happened differently.

a question came to me. does that preference actually have anything to do with mp100 and this specific instance of a dead character coming back? or is it because other series have used this trope, this tool, in unsatisfying ways? because it's the thing to do, to say that they should have stayed dead? it's an easy criticism, and often a fair one, after all.

but if mp100 was a story where dimple didn't come back, it would be a completely different story. it would be a harsh story, one where growing up comes with the cost of the magic dying out. dimple is mob's connection to the spiritual side of him, to the supernatural part of the world, like reigen is to the mundane and human. him staying dead would have read as that connection starting to fade. it would have made the ending read more as mob giving up his powers and moving past them, instead of accepting them as just a part of him, just a part of the world.

dimple's death, even as temporary, wasn't meaningless to the structure of the story. imagine if dimple was there when mob got hit by the car. would any of the final arc have happened? his absence might have felt minor, but he was a load bearing wall in mob's circle of friends. imagine if he was there to possess mob before shigeo stood up, or was talking there in the blank space of his mind like he is when he reappears. would the events have progressed unchanged?

the emotional impact of his death wasn't cheapened by his return, because dimple wasn't killed off to tug at the audience's heart strings. he was killed off to make mob vulnerable enough so that when things went wrong, they went really, really wrong, and the climax of the story could happen.

he came back, because sometimes people do come back, and mp100 was always supposed to be a kind and hopeful story. he came back, because without him coming back, the emotional resolution to the story would not be what it is.

and it's okay to prefer those other kinds of stories, those other kinds of resolutions. but mp100 is not one of those, and never tried to have a conclusion like that, and dimple coming back isn't a small detail but a necessary part of achieving that.

you are allowed to enjoy it on its own merits.

if jeremy knox is not the most overthinking, neurotic, caretaking mf what’s even the POINT!!! adopting traumatized boys like strays to distract himself… caring for has team like he’s a single mother of thirty… yes he’s FUN and SMILEY and captain sunshine and soooo normal but he’s also gotta be. a bit of an unmedicated, anxious adhd mess (i will take whatever we get of course but in my heart of hearts that’s who he is and always will be.)

jeremy knox BLATANTLY unmedicated in uscs athletic dorms running up and down a hallway. you've heard it here first

i don't really plan to read tsc unless kevin day forces my hand but my expectations for him are that he gets some level of grit to his personality if only so we can chase away his ao3 characterization of (motions vaguely) happy man on perpetual sugar high. i don't need nor want him to be a traumatized mess like the foxes because i don't assume trauma equals complexity or depth, but i think it'd be nice if he was a person who never thought twice of his small, privileged life until he was put face to face with someone who's been through things jeremy wouldn't even think to know. for me at least that is the most interesting narrative

do you know what i mean? the shock of being a normal, average person and realizing the sport you've dedicated so much of your life to has been used to beat and violate and terrorize your fellow athletes. realizing how small his own problems seem in comparison. i think there is a lot of good that can be done in the event of putting a character who has never experienced anything more serious than a minor car crash with someone whose entire sense of self has been unforgivably and debilitatingly tainted with violence

yknow what i'd love to see more of in Ghostbusters?

the og Ghostbusters having little mentor moments for the new Ghostbusters

Loved that Ray was along for the ride in Frozen Empire, he wanted to get stuck back in, and he wanted to help Pheobe and Podcast with the mystery

but it would've been great if just occasionally Ray (or Peter, or Winston, though they weren't interacting with the new guys on a personal level much) just dropped a couple of tips he'd learnt from his time, or just helpful anecdotes from back in the day - the kind that you're confused by at the moment but later make you go "oh shit, that's why they told me"

Honestly I think Dean Highbottom has some shit to answer to as well. The mockery, the derision, the outright admittance that he was hoping Coriolanus would fail and the Snow family would continue to suffer. How someone who loathed the Games still treated a young man with cruelty because of the past, because of social divides that would be so easy to tear down. In the end, it wasn’t just Gaul who shaped Snow into the man he became. So bitter and hateful. So incapable of compassion and forgiveness. Just like his father. Just like his Dean.

yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health

need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭

I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO

Also... I decided not to put this in the new cat post, both bc I didn't want it to get long and I decided to leave the reblogs on it bc the pictures are cute, and I didn't want This portion to be reblogged. I know a lot of people feel the same way I do, and that's a great thing, but I don't... want a lot of attention on my posts or blogs. The trauma, etc. So I don't want this to escape containment but still want to talk about it, and am turning reblogs off. Like, this is a journal entry that I'm letting people see at a sleepover, not a speech I've prepared for my public speech and debate class. You know?

So, that preamble out of the way: I feel like... a resigned frustration about people Still clinging to the myths that cats are cold, unloving, distant, only around humans for food, only tolerate us and think we're stupid, etc etc. Or express surprise when they see examples of cats being loving and affectionate. (I... don't want to talk about the stupid ass misogyny and bioessentialism being applied to cats, but that too)

Like, it really truly isn't difficult to befriend a cat and in turn receive their affection. All you have to do is 1) show them, consistently, that you are safe and don't pose a threat to them 2) go at their own pace and respect their boundaries/comfort zone (like, hold your hand out for them to sniff instead of petting them straight away; don't force them to cuddle just because you want to) 3) treat them with unconditional love, initiate moments of affection occasionally instead of waiting for them to initiate each time (like, call them over, talk/meow/sing to them, get out their favorite toys to play with, etc. Do things that convey that their love is reciprocated.) 4) try to understand and read their body language, and back off when they give warning signs like twitching tails or flattened ears 5) provide them with fresh food, water, litter boxes, a clean environment

These things are basically tweaks on the foundations of establishing a friendship with another human, obviously the last one aside. So, why do so many people have an issue with the idea of treating an animal like their an autonomous being whose personal space should be respected? (Rhetorical question). I know that this is the ND, struggles socially, just had a viral poll about not knowing how to make friends, website-- but generally speaking, the people who make comments about cats being mean and unloving aren't the people who make up this site's userbase. ND folks honestly tend to have a much easier time socializing with animals than humans, for a variety of reasons.

I personally hate being touched, so I never had to be taught about respecting a cat's space and boundaries. Part of that is taking the "do unto others" rule very literally and to heart, and part of that is that I don't want to make any other living creature feel the way I do when I'm touched without permission. It doesn't matter if that's a cat, or a bug, or another person. But there's lots of ways to be ND, and like I said, a variety of factors that contribute to us connecting with animals easily.

And I know it's a harsh thing to say, but if your cat is genuinely cold, distant, tolerates you, etc... it's most likely due to something you've done as their owner, not in the "inherent nature" of an entire species, especially a domesticated one. Maybe you make a lot of noise that scares them, maybe you use negative reinforcement (Does Not Work On Cats) like squirting with a water bottle. Maybe you yell at them. There's a lot of things that can make a cat feel afraid of you and fracture their trust in you. Maybe you force them to cuddle and hold them in place when they try to get away.

I think the idea that cats only like us for food stems in part from what I discussed briefly in that previous post, people who exclusively feed their cats dry food. Most dry foods, especially the cheaper ones, are full of fillers of vegetables and carbohydrates like wheat, which cats cannot digest. Cats are obligate carnivores that need to eat meat, and specifically the protein taurine, which is typically found in abundance in the heart of other animals. So feeding cats a diet of only dry food is like if your parents fed you potato chips for every meal. You'd eat a large quantity in an attempt to feel full, but your body would make it known that its needs aren't being met. So, cats fed only dry food cry for more food more often, wake their owners up at early hours and aggressively, get more persistent when their meal is 1 hour behind (like the jokes about daylight savings). People get automatic feeders, but that doesn't solve the nutrition deficit, so it doesn't solve the cat's "behavior" (cries for help! to the person responsible for their care!) and both the cat and owner become increasingly frustrated with each other. The desperate eating of more dry food to get the nutrition they need is the cause of a lot of the overweight cats you see, and can lead to hypertension, kidney disease, diabetes, depression, lethargy, apathy, chronic joint pain, difficulty jumping/exercising around the house which makes all the above issues more difficult to combat, etc.

Most people . Only feed their cats dry food because it's cheaper than buying wet food . And I Try to be understanding about like, poverty, the housing crisis, economic turmoil, price gouging, etc etc. But if you want a cat, you're committing to at least 10-18 years of providing for this animal. If you can't afford to actually provide for them and meet their needs, you need to, like, play a pet-raising sim instead of fucking up an animal's health in irreversible ways, or making them loyal to you out of fear. This animal is supposed to be your friend, supposed to trust you implicitly and have a mutual bond of unconditional love.

I've never had any difficulties making friends with cats; the only time a cat never became receptive to my company was one that had been in a very abusive household. Neighbors and family friends' cats have all quickly sought out my attention and pets/cuddles. My cats have all been affectionate, trusting, and receptive to my emotions/physical pain. I have enough examples to fill its own post, but trust me when I say that every day my cats show through consideration, companionship, body language, and seeking out pets/cuddles, that they love and trust me, and my family. (Actually, I had a cat that would pee in one of my abusive aunts shoes whenever she visited our house <3 That cat said "your vibes are rancid and you're not welcome here")

This post is already pretty long, so I'll wrap it up here. I just wish that more people would put in the effort to learn/understand cat's body language and meet cats halfway instead of expecting cats to act like dogs do. (AND . I wish people would apply the above listed steps to how they treat dogs . You should be respecting their personal space and showing them respect too, asshole!) If you know what to look for re: a cat's body language, you'll see that they're telling us in a myriad of ways how much they enjoy our company, respect us, love us, etc.

so…

i am actually terrified xoxo

Cranky because your job started off good but has slowly taken control over your entire life and everything you do even when you arent clocked in, aren't you

It's so interesting to react to being referred to by a screen-name.

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sometimes you just haveto laugh a little bit.not much else you can do

day 2 of what i call the redneck convention aka a family function

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4 am and I can't sleep bc my joints are in so much pain 😒