#because why else would it be brought up
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Dimentio's entire. Thing. dshjnfdgnmdfh Makes me go crazy go stupid and it's so annoying because I don't even LIKE Dimentio that much but I'm also tired of seeing his character butchered lmfao dshjkfdg
#I just find is very silly when people write him traumatic backstories#And don't get me wrong! I think it's really cool that people are able to take this character that doesn't seem like he has a lot going on#and like. Try to make him 3 dimensional and interesting and cool and explore his character! I think that's sick and admirable!#And like obviously even if I didn't#let people have their fun! It's not hurting anyone! Even if I don't agree with a lot of those takes BUT#*gestures to the Pixel Uprising lore and the Magician and the Magicians Son* Boy howdy do I have the content for you all dhfjkdnsgfdh#That's it that is why I find it silly not because it's cringey or bad let people enjoy things#It's just silly because Dimentio is hinted at having a tragic backstory in canon but it's buried so fucking deep in the game#that like most people just don't know about it sdhjgknffdh#Which cna be said about all the Minions' stuff! And even then Dimentio's entire thing is REALLY vague and there#there's really no way of knowing if it's actually related to him or not I just think it's not a stretch to assume it is#because why else would it be brought up#ANYWAYS I think every super paper mario fan should read Carson and Garson's dialogue because it's a really interesting read#and also it's pretty unlikely you'd come across it without thoroughly exploring boy flipside and flopside#which isn't gonna happen in most online playthroughs and probably won't happen in a blind playthrough either#that's my super paper mario ramble for the day goodbye qwq
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the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....
every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....
#talkys#this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did#there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way#but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset...#i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish#i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above#in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good?#isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than...#i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish#and because im no better than anyone else#my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck#pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day#i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!!#and it is true....!#we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish#i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler.#*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim#i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....
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don't even look at me rn man
#.text#kekkai sensen#im over it.#im over it. i swear#im fine. i SWEAR.#I SWEAR !!#the fact the scenes above are originally meant to be framed as leo looking down on himself for not being able to fight back#but when you reread it it can also be read as him finally realizing they want him to depend on them. because they Want to protect him#i cant keep doing this guys.#i know the zapp panel is from earlier in the volume but i think it was a better example of him looking out for leo#like... why did he do. all of that ?#he literally did not have to do that. nor did he have to tell leo this.#and to be honest i think to leo someone going 'yeah. i looked into it for your sister. she'll be safe'#would be like. a big indicator of someone trying to look out for him because hes Him#like. him having money is of no use or indication to whether or not they need to be protected by evil monsters.#in fsct it was barely relevant to the conversation they were having#he just. brought it up bc he thought leo was worried.#zapp is sweet when he isnt being the worst person in the room 🤭#i keep thinking of zed's 'the best benefit would be for you to keep on living' too#likr these people just want him safe. more than anything else.#they love him so much im ill#im UNWELL#EDIT AGAIN: i just realized leo followed literslly all of their advice. i have to explode and die now. goodbye forever
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I hate when I’ll be complaining about some stupid bullshit a coworker does to other coworkers and half the time their response is to lower their voice and go “well…. You know…. I’m pretty sure they’re… on the spectrum, you know?” And every time I have a split second when I have to consider saying “you know I’m autistic, right?” just to make them vaguely uncomfortable for a few minutes and actually think about what they’re implying but of course I do not do that because the gratification is not worth a large sect of shitty coworkers knowing that about me and then talking about me like that every time I do something vaguely annoying or dumb but man…. It does get tempting sometimes
#like idk!!! sometimes the coworkers in question DO display some common autistic traits#but that is NEVER what is being complained about (at least not by me) so WHY are we bringing it up like that el oh el#like when I say ‘yeah I don’t like this coworker because of the shitty fucking things she did to my friend’#the response should not be ‘well I think she’s autistic isn’t that so funny she’s so obsessive about stuffed animals it’s annoying’#shut up shut up SHUT UP AND DIE#I don’t CARE that they talk too loud I don’t CARE that they’re bad a social cues I don’t CARE that they do ‘weird things’#and it’s so. HFDJSJKSKSKS AAAGGHHHHH#whether they’re autistic or not MAYBE that’s not what should be getting brought up during a conversation like that when it has NOTHING to do#with it#also maybe we shouldn’t be doing shit like whispering ‘on the spectrum’ like its some awful terrible thing#just thoughts idk#and the thing is too is that even if I told these ppl I was autistic#they would 100% be the types that are like ‘oh? but you don’t ACT autistic I don’t think you are’#like actually I got very good at masking for these reasons thnx#also you think autism = Sheldon from the Big Bang theory and nothing else#but I already learned my lesson cuz I told a coworker that I wasn’t sure about exactly twice#one of them went ‘oh THATS why you’re so dumb and don’t realize when other ppl don’t like you and take advantage of you’#and then the other one went on a mansplaining spiel about how me being autistic was why adhd meds didnt work on me??????#so yeah. never doing that again. haha. hahahaha. hahahaha……#this actually happened a few days ago but it’s been Bothering me so much#I hate my fucking job….#kaz rambles
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been looking in tags for a few days now to see if anyone else found the whole high cloud quintet and related story to be a bit.....poorly written, nonsensical, contradictory, full of plot holes and loose ends, etc. apparently i'm not the only one. (and i'm not even talking about shipping stuff, because any time I saw someone mad about bad writing, someone always replies to be homophobic and laugh about failed ships. weirdos.) it could have been so good but was thrown into the garbage for the most part (IF you noticed all the plot holes and contradiction. if not, then it's a fine enough story tbh. I expect most people to see it on surface level and not read all the little hidden lore bits and try to piece it together like my autistic brain did. which is ok! enjoy it if you liked it and ignore me 😆)
#apparently one of the writers did it on purpose. wont explain here. you can find it elsewhere. but it makes sense now#that's why it fell apart and didnt make sense in the end#ive seem people say anyone mad about it is a shipper and thats why. they use it as an excuse to be homophobes#youre gross get out of thos fandom. im here as someone upset about the story who was very skeptical about any ship theories and focused#more on plot theories and overall friendship and stuff so its not even about shipping you het weirdos!!!#the contradictions and plot holes are bd regrdless of who you ship lmao stop reducing it to that#aure its fine if you ignlre those plot holes. but it happened to be the little plot holes that interested me the most so its obvious to me😅#cant wait until a talented writer in the fandom rewrites the whole story a lot better and fills in the holes and ties up the end better#please someone do this 😭#lee text#hsr#i just wanted a close found family who met a tragic end#my idea for a better way to write it is dan feng wanted free from the high elder cycle and yingxing helped him create a new elder#but it went wrong and failed because the preceptors fed him wrong info hopong it woukd destroy dan feng since they hated him#instead it was yingxing that died and dan feng selfishly brought him back somehow and thats why hes immortal and hates dan heng now#they created a monster in the process that made a mess and baiheng died trying to kill it maybe but hit its weak spot#so it was weaked enough for jingliu to slay it#maybe for a plot twist jing yuan somehow knew the preceptors were up to something and didnt stop the two because#they were too stubborn and he knew it would do nothing#we know the dragon heart disappeared so either it ended becoming bailu in the end#or it could be inaide blade bow. another fun possible plot twist. they never explained where it went so it coukd be a n y w h e r e#i had other ideas but i forget now. bht baiheng deserves better as well. just being a plot mechanism to make two dudes be stupid#is kinda bland and boring and wasted her character. she deserves better too!!!!#id write this if i had the time and brain power but ill hope someone else does it instead#OH yeah i forgot a big idea. dan feng and yingxing perhaps try to also kill the arbor and end the abundance and long life/reincarnation#and maybe that was one part that led to it all going wrong or something. since yingxing wanted revenge on the abundance for destroying#his home and family???? and dan feng wanted to escape the cycle? similar wants that worked together snd failed#these are all ideas from past theories i read and my own ideas i came up with all of which are better than what that bad writer did!#these are very incomplete ideas that im sure someone else can write better#lee rambles
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I don't know how much sense this makes but I need a Langelique Cinderella AU, I think it'd work pretty well
#brought to you by:#my last post about angelique's fuck-ass sneakers#& juliet#and juliet#&j#okay but genuinely I think it would work really well#like Angelique is working for lady and daddy cap right#ignore how I called him daddy cap we did Romeo and Juliet for the school play this year and that's what we all called him#and like May and Juliet are the quote unquote evil stepsters#but you know they're not evil they're just like way nicer in comparison to their parents#and like you know the prince holds a ball to find a wife and it's this like whole thing#because lady and daddy cap want Juliet and may to go to like end up with the prince#and like the prince is still Frankie here because maycois is goated let's be real#and like this is kind of where you could either make it centric to a specific ship or you could just do like the whole thing as an au#you could say that like Frankie likes May but when they approach the capulets they're like oh Juliet you want Juliet and it's a whole thing#and you could do jumeo because I don't know maybe Romeo is like you know what Paris was like in the actual Romeo and Juliet play Romeo is#like Paris and the capulets hate him because Lance has kind of like pushing Frankie to be with Romeo but Romeo wants to be with Juliet#and Juliet wants to be with Romeo and blah blah blah but Lance and Angelique specifically comes in where it's like okay but what if Lance i#also looking for a new partner at these balls because you know his wife like died and he needs someone else to share the throne with and#that's why both may and Juliet end up going because their parents don't care about the age difference because their parents suck and they'r#just like you're going to end up with royalty one way or another and you know Angelique is like be safe and actually parenting them and#and warning them and making sure they're prepared to like actually go out to this ball because royalty or not it's still dangerous and#they're both like why don't you just come with us and it's a bit where like maybe April and William play the role of fairy godparents#and you know Angelique is able to go and she meets Lance and they have their little shoe thing and they have the Cinderella ark meanwhile#there's the whole love square with May Frankie Juliet and Romeo and Juliet gets to have a moment where it's like how are you so controlling#that you're pushing May to get with a man like 30 years their senior yet you cant deal with me getting with the wrong rich guy and may is#like screw y'all Juliet was The Golden child anyway okay I get what I want now and it's all happily ever after#and angelique gets Lance a magical girl transformation and some CLEAN FUCKING SNEAKERS EVEN MINE ARENT THAT DIRTY N I DONT CLEAN EM FOR SHI#anyways
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I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.
#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’#the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad#and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can#and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN#that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed#that’s like the crux of him I think#lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works#and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work#he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood#which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to#make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case#his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but#nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD#as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for#themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin.#THATS whats fun about tim#the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that#tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this#permanent before (<-LYING!)#but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.
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They’re calling my baby Gojo, Joseph Joestar now
#rambling#the diff is that Gojo did apologize after being called out and face to face with his racism whilst Joseph literally befriended nazi’s 😵💫#and there was never any explanation from araki as to why he’d even wrote German soldiers in the shit in the first place like that was#absolutely jarring as hell to read for the very first time back when I’d gotten into jjba#well I watched it first but you know#like Joseph really thought fondly of Stroheim as this stand up guy even though he’s first of all#a Nazi#and second#the first scene that we were introduced to was of him sexually harassing a Woman#it’s……. 🗿#still to this day I wonder if araki had ever addressed this because lord#Joseph was just happy to get the help I guess but that felt so ooc for him from what he’d seen 🗣️#happily receiving the help of a Nazi and calling them a nice guy ahhh Joseph-#Gojo would never sjjsaj#my boo boo is a little prejudice but he’s working on it 🗣️#I still think that gege was trying to have a ‘racism is bad’ moment but again#the execution was pretty awkward and it felt out of place considering what had been currently going down in the manga#like the Racism was pretty random but it was swiftly put to a stop which I can appreciate even if it shouldn’t have been a point of#conversation to begin with since why couldn’t Miguel just exist as a character instead of him being the now token negro#who everyone sees as instantly more frighteningly powerful than everyone else like this didn’t even need to be brought up wllssldk#idk gege was trying to be ‘woke’ 😭. sorry nbs and wp ruined the term for me but like basically lol#gojo’s pretty intelligent and extremely gifted but he’s never been perfect lol#it’s just that idk why gege chose to talk about antiblackness in Japan out of nowhere about the only black character on screen hehhhhhh#like gege tried but lmfao#this is so funny to me#at least it didn’t drag on putting Miguel in an even more awkward situation than he already was and it was nipped in the bud quickly#Gojo isn’t one to dwell on things but when he’s face with new information and is taught something he does try to reflect and do better and#I’m sure he probably started to become even more aware of what he’s saying especially when talking to Miguel in an honest way since that’s#always been the kind of character who he was despite the horrors#the only ppl who’ve been kinda annoying about this are nbs and white people as always 🗿
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K, L, E!!
YES OH MY GOSH HELLO ANON thank you so much for indulging me and sending questions from the Fanfic Ask Meme!! As always, I LOVE chatting about fic (mine and other peoples!) and I get so excited when people send me these! If anyone wants to send anymore, or reblog it themselves, the list can be found HERE.
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
This is a hard question because I feel like all of my fics are pretty angst heavy? I know I published it anonymously, but I think Immoral in a Stranger's Lap was probably one of the most painful, especially because it didn't really have a resolution or a happy ending, the same goes for (Sometimes).
It's still in the early stages of outlining, (and I'm writing it because I am firmly in the we need more mpreg in this fandom camp) but the Teen Dad Fictional!Matty fic is also shaping up to be pretty angsty - it's looking like it's going to be a split narrative alternating between 16 year old Fictional!Matty dealing with teen pregnancy and present day thirty something year old Fictional!Matty trying to get pregnant on purpose and struggling to do so which I know deals with a lot of really heavy and painful topics.
L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?
I feel like all of them 😂 But I guess, since it's not really popular in this fandom I'm going to say omegaverse even though it was very common in my other fandom experiences.
E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?
I'm choosing to talk about Small Bump because I was working on Make Way for Ducklings earlier and clearly have mpreg on the mind. If I were to writing a sequel to that one, it would be dealing with Fictional!Matty's postpartum depression.
Thank you so much for sending these in! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to send this ask, and for your continued support! I'm really grateful for the people who have not only taken the time to read my fics, but who have also taken the time to engage with me! I really appreciate you! I hope your Wednesday is going well and that you have a great rest of your week!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#keep it kind#fanfiction#matty fic#gatty#fanfic#make way for ducklings#mpreg#small bump#(Sometimes)#Omegaverse#On a Friday#Omega verse#Immoral in a stranger's lap#I feel like i just brought up all of my controversial fics and fic ideas and i apologize for that#im just having a lot of feelings about art at the moment#also fun fact ive published a few fics anonymously (guess which ones lol) and some of them i've included on my fics page#on my tumblr#also i guess if we were really talking sequels it would the the third and final part of the face down / in the dirt situation#but i really hesitate to talk about that one or post the third part#because it got some backlash#and i feel awful that i caused hurt and distress with those fics#its a very conflicting feeling because i also dont think we should censor our art and that people are responsible for the content#they consume and that if they are uncomfortable they should remove themselves from that piece of work#but idk its a complicated issue and i feel a lot of guilt#but then its also like why is someone elses experience more valid than my own?#anyway I hope those people are in a better place now and i am sending them lots of love#i hope i didnt get get myself cancelled with this one
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It helps me to think about caring for myself like I think about caring for a child.
Like, 'yes, I know you feel fine, but I think you've watched enough scary things before bed. Let's watch something nice now, okay?'
#original#it also helps because i am a queer autistic person with adhd who was raised catholic and#i was taught that the only way to be a truly good person was to sacrifice myself for others at all costs#and therefore seeking my own happiness was a sin. denial's the game. the more the holier.#I often think about how lent was all about honoring Jesus's sacrifice for us. but none of the things we ever gave up ever helped anyone#jesus was like hey it is a sin to allow people to go hungry and we were like 'give up pizza for a month got it'#🙄🙄🙄#I went to Catholic school and we would brag to each other about what we gave up#i think Lent is about as holy as weight loss#only holy in the eyes of a god who doesn't love me#so I don't care much for that one anymore.#anyway what I meant to say was one of the things that helps me break out of this mindset that was ingrained in me at a young age#is when I start sacrificing myself instinctively to please people I ask if I would allow this level of pain to happen to a child#if that doesn't work I ask if I would allow it to happen to a dog.#and the answer is almost always absolutely not. i would protect that animal.#and my next thought is don't I deserve to be treated at least as well as a dog??#i think yes.#i think i ought to be treated at least as well as I'd treat everyone else actually. and i am kind to others.#so why would i be my one exception?#these tags were brought to you by: i am setting boundaries with my family#bc i realized if they had treated my dog like this I'd have disowned them and not have felt guilty for it#i would also protect a child at all costs just to be clear#that is never in question it is just a matter of side stepping my trauma's excuses since it may go like#'oh you don't deserve as much as other people' but it is LESS likely to be able to convince me I should have less rights than a literal dog
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i get so confused when i see people say sonic should treat amy better. not because i think sonic should be a jerk to her or anything but because hes ALREADY nice to her. theyre really good friends? what are you talking about
#and i Know its because sonic was always ignoring or turning down amys romantic advances#back when she was really obvious about her crush and always trying to get him to date her#which is really stupid. because theyre not dating why should sonic have had to tolerate or play along with that stuff#just because you like someone doesnt mean they owe you romantic affection.#not even if theyre your friend. not even if theyre nice to you. not even if youre nice to them#(not saying amy thinks shes entitled to a romantic relationship with sonic but the people im talking about seem to think she is)#and from what i remember even when amy was at her worst with that kinda stuff sonic still wasnt mean to her?#the worst he would do is tell her no when she asked him to marry her or whatever or be visibly uncomfortable with whatever she said or did#which are not unreasonable reactions to have to something like that#and in the more recent stuff sonic isnt even doing that because amys crush is almost never brought up anymore#so they just have a completely normal friendship like they would have with anyone else.#and to be clear im not complaining. i like seeing sonic and amy be best friends without annoying romance stuff getting in the way#i just dont know what more these people want. sonic doesnt have to be nicer to her because hes already nice to her
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Menstrual pain should be taken more seriously than it currently is, people suffering from it shouldn't be dismissed or accused of overreacting because "it's just a period"
For most of my life, I've suffered from debilitating menstrual cramps. Some days it was bad enough that I couldn't move, couldn't even speak, just cry and scream for hours until the painkillers finally kicked in, and it'd often leave me feeling weak, exhausted and like I was on the verge of passing out. I have to take the strongest non-prescription medication on the market and it still just makes my pain bearable enough that I can function; hell, even my prescription drugs sometimes weren't enough.
Despite this, I was often ridiculed by my peers and accused of faking it so I can get out of school or work, and I've had medical professionals refuse to help me because "it's just a period" and "it'll pass on its own". I've had to beg people to go get me painkillers and they'd usually start an argument or roll their eyes at me and complain the entire time. It was a constant problem and the only person that's ever taken my pain seriously was my mother.
Seriously, it isn't right that I have to deal with 2-3 days of debilitating pain and nobody around me treats it seriously. Not even my doctors.
And I'm not even the most severe case out there, I'm lucky that my cramps only last a max of 3 days and respond to medications. There are people out there who have to deal with worse.
Seriously, just please start taking menstrual pain seriously. Just because it happens every month doesn't mean it's any more bearable or less serious than any other pain. The pain this severe isn't normal, it's a medical condition and it should be treated seriously. It's even more fucked up that this sort of pain is often a symptom of some underlying condition yet even doctors don't treat it seriously.
#thylacines can talk#my lighest periods are like 6 on the pain scale#my heaviest periods are more painful than thathat time i broke my ankle#and when i mean debilitating i MEAN IT. I. Cannot. Function.#on my usual periods i cannot move from my bed at all. i cant do the usual chores around the house. cant even make myself food or grab a#drink. i need somebody else's assistance to even function. i just have to wait the 2 or 3 hours it usually takes for my painkillers to#finally kick in and when they do im still in pain. it just goes down a lot in severity so i can at least function but i still avoid most#work and going out for the first 2 to 3 days to not aggrevate it. seriously its not fun and im pissed off that so many people act like#total cunts about it when its? clearly not normal??? seriously my dad threw a fuckin temper tantrum when i asked him to go buy me#painkillers because we ran out and i couldnt move. well my mum had to call him and ask him because i was just crying and couldnt even speak#properly. he was just complaining and whining about it and kept asking me why i couldnt go when i was just curled up in my bed and sobbing#and people in school would always give me dirty looks and talk shit behind my back about faking it and being lazy whenever i got a period#during school and had to sit in the corner and try not to make any noises while my mum had to leabe job so she could pick me up#we were studying advertisement and marketing so we were split into two groups. one group would usually have marketing or something like#that while the other had graphic design. so like one group would have marketing on monday and another on friday for example#so i usually would leave and join the group that had a lesson in our main classroom because there was a corner where i could sit next to#the window and rest while not disturbing the class. since our nurse was a nurse in two different schools so she wasnt there all the time.#and then id hear from my two friends that the girls from my group ALWAYS shittalked me when i left. saying that was blowing it out of#proportion and was just lazy and trying to get out of class. that class was so fucking toxic.#anyway this rant is brought to you by me once again having to lay in my bed and try to pass the time by thinking about stupid shit while#dying from pain. it took a long tome to write because my hands were shaking and i got dizzy a few times but i mamaged.#my painkillers FINALLY kicked in so. HALLELUJAH.#being in a bearable amount of pain feels borderline euphoric after three hours of bullshit#it still wasnt the worst just a 7 on the pain scale
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Poetry prompt: something involving an pretty forest at dusk
(No pressure to do it idk if its dumb or not lol)
Oo thank you! This wasn't dumb, it actually gave me a lot of ideas. Here's the one I went with:
In the woods at golden hour,
I stand by the property line,
That invisibly seperates,
My neighbor's life from mine.
There's a barrier I cannot cross,
Though it's just a sparse tree line,
Accompanied by a yearning,
That I wish I could better define
For as long as I can remember
I've wanted desperately to run away,
But the sun is always setting,
And so I always stay.
In the woods at golden hour,
There is a menacing sign,
It reads "trespassers will be shot",
But it's no safer this side of the line
#anywho calling this one In the Woods at Golden Hour#its about something i used to do everyday when i was younger#i grew up in a very terrible place and always wanted to run away#i lived in a rural area where in order to leave#i would have had to illegally cross a neighbors property#and risk actually being shot or walk on the side of the road#which was literally walking IN the road since it was so narrow#basically there was a high chance of either being hit by a car or a bullet#but i would always stand out by the treeline#standing as close to my neighors property without crossing into as i could#and i would watch the sunsets and sunrises#wishing that i could be anywhere else at all#i would weigh in my head the costs of running away#the likelihood i would be brought back#and things would be made even worse for me because i tried to leave#i mustered the courage to try once or twice but never got far#i never even understood why i hated it there so much#i do now though#sometimes i still get hit with a wave of that feeling#that desperate need to run away#but the sun is always setting. there's nowhere for me to go#its the same either side of this line. even though i left i took that place with me somehow
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hot take (aka headcanon) but I kinda think that nishiki and kiryu’s relationship pre-split wasn’t on both sides platonic/familial or fully romantic; I feel like nishiki had a thing for him (not sure if he fully realized it though) and that he had developed feelings for kiryu over the course of a good long time that were deeply confusing on their own, but even more so considering they would’ve been hard to sort out with what could just be attributed to close friendship or a familial-type bond.
and on the other side of this, kiryu was utterly oblivious and never thought to question what they had as being anything other than a close friendship or familial-type relationship or whatever it was being called out loud (we know kiryu, he’s blunt as hell and takes things at face value– not the best at reading between the lines) hence why the split between them, though both were clearly hurt a ton by it, hit nishiki harder and more acutely– because on top of losing the most important person in his life, which is bad enough, it would’ve crushed any tiny shred of hope he may have had to live out his long-time, perhaps even since-childhood fantasy of being by kiryu’s side forever as his one true confidant, in a more intimate way than as a friend.
#rambling#sad boy hours#this also ties into why I hc nishiki as being gay rather than bi for the most part (though both are absolutely valid and understandable)#won’t get into that here too much but yeah there’s just… a lot of tragic gay angst that can be associated with him and the way he handles m#(or doesn’t handle) their little… breakup and whatnot#and as for kiryu’s side of things. honestly if things went a different way than they did I don’t think something beyond friendship would be#out of the question. it’s just. I don’t think kiryu would’ve ever considered the concept because he’s so clueless#when it comes to relationships and romance and so on and furthermore because of the way he was brought up- which of course wouldn’t really#highlight the idea that falling for a guy (or vice versa) is even a possibility let alone that it’d be applicable to him and someone so#close to him and whatnot. learning about nishiki’s past feelings for him in a hypothetical post-kiwami situation I think would make#him short circuit. and to literally anyone else who knew about nishiki’s actions after the split and all it’d all click and make perfect#sense hearing that. but to kiryu it’d take some fuckin Time to process#I think the past would be in the past by whatever hypothetical future point this is but still its a lot to apply to some of the most#important and fundamental parts of/events of his life. hh. yeah. tack on some guilt if you wanna say kiryu would be with majima at that#point (however you define ‘with’– important part is It’s Not Straight) so the potential there- whatever it was- wasn’t totally nothing like#it would be if he was simply straight and thus it would’ve never been a possible relationship outcome#but. yeah. anyway. sorry I’m. I need to stop I’m going insane I think l#I hope I don’t sound too insane or controversial for this take gahdhshdh have mercy on me#it’s. it’s all just ideas. thoughts. in a game. in minecraft. etc#nishiki#kiryu#yakuza#long post
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i can't really add much that anyone hasn't said and covered really well ( and i'm glad that this is being spoken about again; this conversation is extremely important ), but i'm definitely in the boat of needing to send more asks in general lately as well. rectifying that is what i'll definitely be doing here and is the game plan moving forward! my mutuals far and wide are extensively talented, especially in the realm of oc's and fan-content, so the least i can do is boost that and make their work be seen.
#it's not like i don't said Any because i have sent plenty recently but i like for sure could be sending more out#so i think henceforth that's what i'll do!#pan brought up a really good point about how we trick ourselves into not sending stuff bc we're convinced we're annoying / bothering them#and like i think that's definitely a key player thats shooting interactions in the foot... i can't find the post i made about oc's way back#when the subject first came to light but pluto put it a lot better words with#said re: oc's just need way more engagement in general. it's not enough just to say promo them. you need to give them as much attention#you would give anyone else. they end up getting the short end of the stick a lot of the times and it isn't really fair#anyway my tl;dr here is i definitely want to make sure people like. are getting as much as theyre giving you know?#ooc.#dash comm.#and just in general we really need to just get back into the habit of like... boomeranging memes off of each other; you know sending each#other asks and hyping each other up and things like that. that's why we reblog these memes; not to get them flowing on the dash solely#for others to reblog#and like i can say these statements but they dont mean much until i put them into practice you know?#anyway i ended up rambling in the tag but... tl;dr yes big agree and ill definitely be tossing myself into inboxes more lately
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Let’s play, “was I abused” game! Reblog and bold the things your parents have done to you! Italicize if you’re not sure. (copy paste it all and then bold)
(I found this and thought I might as well do this to help myself with denial later!! obvious abuse tw!! also I have a lot of stuff that came from outside the house too, but this is like. parent stuff yeah idk!!)
Physical abuse
parent slapped me to prove their point/teach me a lesson
parent spanked me as a “punishment” saying it was for my own good
parent pulled on my hair to force me to move
parent threw things at me while angry, things heavy enough to hurt me
parent trapped me into a room/corner so I couldn’t escape them
parent hit me when I wouldn’t obey them/tried to confront them
parent used a twig/stick/belt to lash at my body
parent grabbed me to force me to pay attention to them
parent pinned me down and physically prevented me from escaping
parent brought me into situations where I feared for my life
parent made it painfully obvious for me that I’ll obey them or suffer injuries
parent threatened to beat me if I wouldn’t do as they say
parent forcefully fed me something I refused to eat
parent made an attempt at strangling/drowning/burning me
parent banged my head/body into the wall/furniture
parent forced me into sexual activities
Emotional abuse
parent called me derogatory names and slurs more than once
parent said my name mostly with hatred and scorn in their voice
parent degraded and humiliated me in front of others for fun
parent insulted and devalued something really important to me
parent deprived me of something that meant the world to me
parent yelled and swore at me in anger more than once
parent blamed me for things that were out of my control/not my fault
parent shamed me for my physical appearance
parent guilt-tripped me for not pleasing them well enough
parent regarded me as a burden, and shamed me for needing them at all
parent insisted I couldn’t take a joke after I got hurt from their insults
parent never comforted me/got angry if I reached for comfort
parent punished me for crying/showing fear/showing trauma symptoms
parent humiliated me for showing excitement and happiness
parent subtly let me know that my feelings and my problems don’t matter
parent got angry at me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent blamed me for feeling depressed/angry/tired/suicidal
parent compared me to cousins/other children to prove how I’m the worst
parent decided for me how I feel when it was convenient for them
parent told me that I was crazy/delusional/need to be locked away
parent threatened me with kicking me out/sending away if I don’t change
parent refused to accept my sexuality/tried to force it to change (gender but same deal)
parent required for me to act normal to protect family’s reputation
parent isolated me from family activities they all enjoy
parent assured me that nobody will ever want me
parent insisted that I was lucky and that I could have had it much worse
parent made me responsible for their well being and made me the caretaker
parent insisted that their harmful acts were all made “out of love”
parent demanded me to be available for their requests at any time
parent punished me for trying to establish boundaries
parent destroyed my belongings as a revenge
parent made inappropriate sex jokes and comments in my presence
parent denied doing any of this and insists that all the blame is on me
Psychological Abuse
parent kept pointing out my flaws as proofs that I wont achieve anything
parent called me stupid, incompetent, ignorant, while withholding information that I needed to know in order to complete tasks
parent would change their side of the agreement in crucial moment and then pretend it was obvious from the start
parent stalked me/distrusted me without any reason/invaded my privacy
parent attacked my insecurities and vulnerabilities in any argument
parent forced me into degrading actions while they watched me do it
parent threatened to leave me
parent accused me regularly of behaving the way they did
parent never acknowledged, praised or approved of my actions
parent always demanded they are right without any proof/explanation
parent insisted that they’re a great parent using financial support as proof
parent insisted that I should be grateful for how good they are to me
parent gaslighted me and tried to make me believe my memories weren’t real if I confronted them with what they did
Neglect
parent didn’t notice I haven’t been eating properly
parent didn’t notice I was sick/didn’t care for me while I was sick
parent didn’t notice I was injured
parent didn’t notice I didn’t have clothes/shoes I needed for school
parent didn’t notice I suffered from trauma
parent didn’t notice I was anxious and stressed
parent didn’t notice I was depressed
parent didn’t notice I was cutting myself
parent didn’t notice I was suicidal
parent didn’t notice I was being sexually abused
parent didn’t notice I was being bullied
parent failed to get me medical attention when it was needed
parent failed to teach me the very basics of self care
parent didn’t seem to notice any of my needs and feelings except the absolute minimum I required to survive (hardly even that)
when I notified them of these things, they denied it, accused me of lying, decided it wasn’t happening and/or blamed me for it
Financial Abuse
parent made me feel ashamed for needing money
parent made me feel like I’m a financial burden to them
parent only gave me minimal money to survive
parent made sure I never have a decent amount of money on me
parent took the money I earned from me
parent used the money to blackmail me
parent insisted since they “pay for my stuff” they have the right to control my behaviour and actions
parent had enough money for luxury but kept me without anything
parent refused to get my medicine/get me medical attention because it’s too expensive while they got everything for themselves
parent would keep me anxious over if they would pay my expenses or not
parent would make me do as much work for them as possible before they would pay for a necessity
parent kept me in the dark over family finances even when I was of age
parent would make sure I never have enough money to escape them
#oh man uh. hm.#literally im not kidding TODAY my parents told me I had it so easy compared to them#like. okay. you didnt hit me#congrats on that im sure that was so hard for you?? but like. that doesnt erase the everything else.#they literally started talking about the abuse they went through as kids and I was just like. I cant participate in this conversation.#and then my dad said its because I had it easier and im like. yeah sure well pretend thats why haha#anyway thank you emotional amnesia for allowing me to do this post easily. you suck but ily xx#also there was nothing for *dragging me through the house to get me to do what they wanted* but thats okay ig#also idk what forcefully undressing me and shoving me into shower classifies as either#so like. yk. there is some physical stuff too its just idk what to call either of those#oh also for the food one its bc I was allergic to the stuff they were feeding me and I told them that but they didnt listen!!#so pretty epic double whammy there#OH AND my mom would tell me after every fight *you better not be telling people about this*#to the point that I stopped telling people because I was scared she would find it and freak out#alsoalso the only reason she knew I was sh-ing was because she read my texts and then she demanded me to tell her everything about it#so she could *help me* or whatever. and then she promptly never brought it up again as if it never happened#so a lot of weird as fuck shit idk#also the way she checked my texts to make sure I was okay but didnt notice me being groomed online lol#and instead just taunted me about the crush I had that she found out about through that. fucking. okay.#okay thats enough oversharing I will just hit post now hehe
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