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painted-crow · 3 years

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Secondary Toast Revolving Door, Part 1

I guess I should start with a little about me, since that’s easier than making you pick through previous asks for information and some of you guys are new here. This one’s going to be heavily personal, so you can skip it if you want.

I’m a double Bird. My Bird primary system is heavily Badger influenced, and I also use Lion to support it by telling me when I should investigate something more closely. If we can dip into primary territory for a moment, I guess you can say I understand the world through systems that model things around me. But not all of those systems are things I’ve consciously examined, or fully investigated.

My understanding of how historical people dressed is pretty limited, for example, because I haven’t studied it in depth to get all the information—but I consciously understand what I do know about it. You could say this system piece is tiny but clear; I could expand it if I chose to find out more.

My understanding of how someone I’m not close to thinks might have more data to work with, but I haven’t consciously processed it; that’s the kind of thing where my Lion primary model will tell me to look closer if that person starts acting weird. This system piece might be described as huge but fuzzy; I could clarify it if I sat down and thought about it. I probably have more of these than I realize, but Lion basically takes care of monitoring those. I don’t have to investigate everything.

But some of my systems are both large and fairly clear, because I’ve taken the time both to gather data on them and to examine it. My understanding of myself is… well, I won’t say it’s terribly clear, because I’m in my early twenties and I’m still constantly getting new information, plus someone keeps changing the environment and mucking with my data (that would be me). But I have to examine it, because my brain is like a notoriously buggy piece of software and I’m the poor schmuck saddled with tech support duties.

Basically, the reason I’m good at playing therapist with other people is that I’m constantly doing exactly that thing with myself. (This probably makes me a very annoying patient for actual therapists.)

About that buggy brain, then.

I have major depression. That was professionally diagnosed when I was a teenager and it’s probably genetic. I take medication for it, when I remember to. It especially flares up in the winter or when I’m under stress. I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder too.

I’m almost certainly autistic, which I’ve never brought up with a professional—the first person to figure it out was the system I’m now best friends with, because they’re autistic and they knew I was within two weeks of talking to me. It took me two years to catch up with them and figure it out myself.

In my defense, I thought executive dysfunction, sensory overwhelm, dissociation, and hyperempathy were like… secret menu items for depression, because those only really bug me during depressive episodes. My current theory is that they’re related to autistic burnout instead.

I mask a lot, subconsciously—it’s actually really hard to turn that off normally—and I just can’t do that as much when depressed. If I do, my tolerance for everything else goes way down and I’ll go into overwhelm and start having shutdowns and dissociating. I recover pretty quickly (hours, not days), but if you’ve never spent 15 minutes standing in a Walmart aisle trying to decide whether you want a jar of peanut butter, but you can’t make decisions because you can’t access your emotions and you don’t really feel like you’re “here” but you kind of just want to go home… well, be glad I guess.

Of course, I have other autistic traits that show up when I’m not under stress, but they’re seldom associated with autism because most people don’t know what autis are like when we’re actually happy. Like, hyperlexia? That’s not even an “official” word, the auti community just uses it because “official” literature hasn’t caught up. I taught myself to read at age three (according to my mom; she says I was reading news headlines and stuff, not just books I’d memorized) and wrote a 35k word novella when I was ten, with no external prompting. My audio processing used to be terrible, but I routinely tested at college age reading levels as a kid.

I also might have ADHD? If so, it’s also mostly just noticeable if I’m under stress, and then it’s hard to tell if that’s the issue or if it’s just autism/depression again.

You might be getting a clearer picture of how my secondary and its model end up burnt so often!

(Resisting a very strong urge to cut stuff from this post.)

In short, I was a Gifted Kid. I spent a lot of my teen years biting off more than I could chew, honestly. I felt that I should be able to do more, and I wanted to be taken seriously, but I had basically no idea how to take care of myself because my needs are different from everyone else’s. I’m still figuring those out.

I’m kind of like an orchid plant: incredibly picky about conditions, wants a different “soil” and watering schedule, gets stressed if stuff changes too quickly, but when everything is just right and it does bloom, it goes all out.

I’m not kidding when I say that I have odd needs. One of them is the need for creative work, which seems to be hardwired into me. When I say that art or writing keeps me sane, I often hear back “oh yeah! I’ve heard that can be very therapeutic,” which is an innocuous reply, but it’s always bugged me, and I think I’ve figured out why.

First, because that’s not the reason I make things… I just… have to. Second, I can’t “make up” not doing creative work with some other kind of therapy. Third and most importantly, I’d much rather think of “artist” as my ground state, and depression as a condition that happens when my needs aren’t being met, rather than thinking of depression as the default that I’m just using art to escape from. That seems to me a healthier way of thinking, and probably a more accurate one, but I’m probably the only one who can see that distinction.

If life gets in the way and I can’t make space for creative work, it will actively make my depression worse. I know this because, multiple times, I’ve been unable to pinpoint why I’m feeling shitty, and then I go back to my easel or my writing or (ukulele, cooking, even just taking care of houseplants) and realize I haven’t done anything creative in like a month and thaaaat’s the problem.

I crack open a bottle of gesso to prep some canvases and it smells like… well, I don’t think you can get high off gesso? But it’s not like when you’re out of it on painkillers or cold medicine or whatever. It’s incredibly grounding, like the world snaps back into focus but it’s also oddly euphoric. Or I write ten thousand words in a couple days and it just… I don’t know what that does. I’ve never run across a word for it.

The writer of Smile at Strangers (a really good memoir centered around women, anxiety, and karate) describes a similar feeling in relation to her martial arts practice.

It’s also a bit like when all the snow melts after winter and you step outside and there’s the smell of wet soil under sunlight and I’m not sure if this fully translates for people who don’t have seasonal depression. Sorry.

Dammit, I want to paint… I haven’t had space to set up for like eight months. I’ve been nose-deep in writing projects since last summer for a reason, but right now my friggin Ravenclaw secondary is off angsting about something because of Life Stress Bullshit, and I don’t have the focus to work on any of my writing projects. Apart from this one. But it’s not really what I want in terms of creative work.

*velociraptor screech*

Oh, yeah. I guess I could mention this is why my nickname is Paint. Not sure if that was obvious before. The header image (which is more visible in the app for some reason) is one of my paintings. It’s a tiny one and it’s not one of my favorites, but I had the photo on my phone and the colors work well enough for what I needed.

(restrains self from negging my own painting ability)

This is starting to get into spoiler territory for what burned Ravenclaw secondary looks like, huh? It’s peaced out for a couple weeks at this point. I’m trying to write about what made it take off, but my ability to think of words and form a coherent sentence kinda flew out the window when I approached it directly.

Let’s just say that around the start of the month, someone I was talking to online (if you’re reading this, it’s definitely not you) kindaaaa hit a nasty depression trigger of mine. Not their fault—it’s very specific to me, and I struggle to explain why I can’t really talk about it. Basically, I spent years studying programming and web design, and due to several different but related issues during that experience, it’s now a trigger for me. I very much want it not to be, but trying to train that out of myself has induced more than one panic attack and I’m stuck between giving up on it or figuring out a way to go back to it that doesn’t totally shut my brain down.

That paragraph took forever to write, by the way.

I think I have to end this here. I… am going to go take out the trash, and water my plants, and make my bed, and file some paperwork, and maybe I’ll even mix up some bread dough or do some laundry. Spoiler alert for what it looks like when my Hufflepuff model takes over, I guess.

Oh. And I should maybe probably eat something. I almost forgot about that... again.

#sortinghatchats #time to overshare on the internet i guess #secondary toast revolving door #mental health #burned ravenclaw secondary #hufflepuff secondary model #ravenclaw primary #paint speaks

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sheyffer · 5 years

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On Bradley (and the rest of this show’s glorified ableism)

Do I have your attention? Good. Because I have things to say.

This is the collective salt built up over the course of most of this entire season, so be warned. This will be long, and most of you aren’t gonna like this - so feel free to skip to the bottom line at the end of the post, I guess.

Without further ado:

So. If you’ve been following me or are a somewhat frequent visitor on the show’s tag(s), you might have noticed I like Bradley. With how much screentime he’s been getting lately, I should be happy, right? Well, I would be, but instead, it just made me feel terrible, week after week. People who’ve talked to me during those times will know. But let me explain.

- Bradley and me

Cheesy title, but what’re you gonna do. See, when MML first came around, I was pretty quick to declare Bradley my favorite character. The first few episodes were great, and I loved what they set Bradley up to be: A kid living in Milo’s shadow, dealing with the rightful bitterness coming out of that. His friendship (or whatever you wanna call it) with Mort and his crush on Melissa had great potential, and knowing these writers, I was expecting some great episodes in these directions. Not that we ever got any, but more on that later.

As the show went on, I noticed something else about Bradley. I know there are a bunch of “(character) is autistic” headcanons out there - and I’m not gonna say anything against those because they’re all valid -, and that Bradley’s also come up in these regards several times. I fully support that headcanon (partly because I’m autistic myself and he’s my favorite character so projection is bound to happen in one way or another), but there’s something specific I’d like to bring up: something I’ll call the switch, for lack of a better word. I will admit that I’m not spending time with other autistic people that often so I can only really speak for myself here... but man. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a (cartoon) character that so obviously has that very same issue (whether the writers intended that or not is another topic; again, see further down). I’m struggling with it a lot myself, as good as on the daily, and seeing actual representation of this in a show makes me feel incredibly validated - because, again, when does any character ever have this?

- A little tangent regarding that “switch”

I should explain what I mean in the first place, of course. Basically, I’ll only care about a topic if it actually affects me in some way, and if it doesn’t, my attention is basically zero. No matter how close we are, I probably won’t even attempt to fake interest when you’re talking about something that has no significance to me, because if I do, people tend to notice quite easily (and I prefer keeping things genuine because me being dishonest would arguably just complicate things further if people realized eventually). Better yet, with the stuff I am interested in, I often end up caring way too much - so it really is kind of a switch, per se. My emotional investment is either full on or full off, no inbetween. Makes me an awful person to be around when you want to talk about anything beyond the fandoms or characters I’m currently interested in, for the most part, but I’m glad about the people who, for years, have stuck with and supported me anyway :’) Maybe you can see by now how Bradley reminds me of this, but here’s some assorted aspects:

Him failing to somewhat relate to Milo no matter how similar they kind of are in various regards

Him actually being friends with and hanging out with plenty of people he gets along with great (compared to having none whatsoever, as could’ve easily been the case if he really was just a jerk), though he's almost never the one to initiate the conversation unless it's Milo related

Him being straight up rude to those people at times, resulting in everyone getting mad at him (which I can’t really blame them for, but still)

And him in turn being way too emotionally invested in certain topics, see Milo and what Bradley believes to be him stealing the show (and Carla, of course)

Melissa puts it really well in Milo's World when she says Milo is so great because he always cares deeply about other people - Bradley quite literally can't get on that level, so it's no surprise he's this bitter, really. What's he supposed to do? He'll never have it in him to apologize for his salt because there's absolutely no reason to in his eyes. He simply doesn't care if other people are sad or hurt by his words, and not even voluntarily so: He believes he's right and doesn't grasp why people don't get him, which may just be because he's so emotional - and less rational - about it... and when he’s generally the quiet-ish grump who's not too bad but also just never quite the friend that genuinely cares about you as a person because he's just this apathetic, any emotional reaction you get out of him is immediately rendered an uncalled-for outburst. Not saying everyone else is awful to get mad at him, because I can't really blame them at all with how much of a jerk he actually comes off as (and him trying to explain is probably awkward phrasing in the "sorry but I don't actually care about your feelings, no offense" direction that immediately makes people get mad at him again), but don’t paint him as inherently awful. This is likely as hard for him as it is for everyone else, I’ve been there myself... but yeah. So much for that.

- The crossover and its aftermath

Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed by most of the second half of season one when it came to Bradley’s screentime, especially since he’d been such a prominent character early on. So when the crossover came around and he got that plant arm, I was like - great! A physical difference to go along with his mental issues and to give him even more reasons to get a little character arc and a push towards morally darker gray areas! This isn’t something they can ignore anymore, right?

Ha. Sure.

It was bad enough that in those first few episodes after the crossover, he had that arm and it was never brought up by either him or anyone else. And then we did get people acknowledging it exists - but it was either treated as a joke or, worse, something to “get over”.

Where do I even begin.

- Yeah, how about no

It’s bad enough that the writers confirmed they only added the plant arm because “it’s funny” - not because “hey, let’s give our main antagonist kid a visible reason to have an arc” or anything in a remotely decent direction. It’s worse that most of the viewers apparently agree, because I’ve hardly heard a negative comment on the matter over the course of these last few episodes. But seriously - how am I supposed to enjoy this (honestly great amount of) screentime Bradley’s been getting lately when all he’s reduced to is the comedic relief? Make Chad and his supernatural antics the hilarious one for all I care, but don’t use the kid who very clearly has physical (and mental) issues whether you actually headcanon him as having anything specific or not. All I got to see in these last episodes is Bradley rightfully pointing out his arm (Milo’s World, Ride Along Little Doggie), him being legitimately upset (The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club), or him honestly just being in the episode altogether (First Impressions), only to have other - main - characters make fun of, or belittle, or get mad at him and have them be portrayed as “in the right” with not a single ounce of sympathy for Bradley whatsoever. As for First Impressions: I’ve been that (autistic) kid excited for the first day of school but not getting in in time. It’s horrible. (Though I’m willing to let this one slide because it reasonably builds up his strong dislike for Milo)

- On an episode in particular

For what it’s worth, The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club isn’t all bad. Hardly an episode is. But it’s easily the most painful to watch for me, for numerous reasons. And that includes certain fandom reactions I’ve witnessed.

Carla. However hilarious or weird (or both) you or the characters may find this, he clearly doesn’t. Even if the writers only added it as a joke to begin with - I’ve had similar experiences myself. I’ve been in Bradley’s position, and sure, I can’t blame the characters for, initially, belittling him for this stuff. But for the love of all the gods I believe in, don’t just completely ignore the distress he’s going through and change the topic like that (while he’s still in the middle of the breakdown, no less). I expected better at least from Milo or Mort.

Zack’s “character development”. In any other situation, I might have appreciated Zack’s talk about feeling like being in Milo’s shadow. But not only is this literally what Bradley was supposed to be about this whole time - Zack immediately gets reassurance and comfort by the other characters. The best Bradley ever got was rude comments on being uncalled for. Goes right along with:

Only the good guys deserve happiness, apparently. Whenever Murphy’s Law does its thing and someone has an issue with it, Melissa and the others are quick to comment on how it isn’t Milo’s fault and whoever has the issue is clearly just being rude and uncalled for. Whenever Bradley does something mildly unpleasant, the very same characters get mad at him and are portrayed as being in the right. As people have pointed out before, Milo and Bradley aren’t all that fundamentally different - but because Milo is the protagonist (tm) and, in-universe, nice to people and (as I’ve heard) adorable, people treat him well enough, while it’s apparently the right thing to be awful to Bradley, because he’s the antagonist(/comedic relief) and not the nicest person around. (For the record, I like Milo and appreciate how supportive people are of his issues. It’s just the jarring contrast with Bradley’s treatment that bothers me.)

Bradley’s “character development”. It’s been a thing I’ve read about regarding this episode and that’s apparently been getting quite a bit of acknowledgement. And sorry, but what? Randomly making Bradley a nice guy who doesn’t mind being around Milo & Co isn’t “character development”. More likely than anything, it’s “oh no, we have three episodes left and can’t have any relevant-ish character not like Milo before this is over, but we don’t have enough time to even half-ass Bradley’s “arc” so let’s just make him be nice for the sake of this montage”. It’s more of a disservice to the kid than anything, especially when in this season in particular, pretty much nobody was nice to him, ever.

- What I’m getting at (took a while, I know)

I’m basically Bradley, for what it’s worth. Whether he intentionally has to deal with the switch or not, his portrayal is incredibly similar to what I’m like, socially and otherwise. Seeing him treated like this for episodes on end is absolutely horrible for me. And I’m an adult who dares believe they figured out their mind for the most part - what about kids? Actual kids (like me ages ago, who only learned about autism to begin with because of really liking Ferb and finding an autism-related post about him) who can relate to Bradley as much as I do because they’ve been there themselves, only for the Good Guys to treat him like this? Even if you ignore all this semi-projection-based talk about mental disorders, his plant arm is still very real and as much of a handicap as anything. It doesn’t matter that the creators added it (and Carla, and probably Bradley’s other antics) as a joke, there are people out there for whom this is anything but that. They deserve happiness as much as anyone, no matter if they’re not the nicest people around (unless, of course, they have really problematic views, but Bradley is far from entering that territory). If anything, they deserve people at least attempting to understand where they’re coming from - and writers who treat even the protagonist’s foil as more than just a joke.

(Disclaimer: No, I’m not saying nobody should call Bradley out when he’s being rude. Even things like the switch only explain his behavior and don’t completely excuse it - he should have to feel the consequences of his actions as much as anyone. But right now, nobody is making any attempt to help him change for the better; they’re making everything far worse, if anything. An episode of Milo, or Mort, or anyone really, actually being willing to so much as listen to his side of the story... that’s all it takes. And can’t be that hard to pull off, can it?)

But since I’m already talking about this kind of stuff:

- And Elliot, too

If only Bradley was the only one. I’m not gonna say anything against Elliot being a jerk (World Without Milo did a good job portraying him in that regard), but even he deserves better than this. I’m talking, of course, about Safety First, in which Elliot has something I can only describe as PTSD, complete with a trigger word and everything. I will admit I haven’t seen the episode since it aired (and am not planning on doing so again), but man. It’s obvious enough how much the trigger word aspect was used as a joke, but then apparently we learn that you can just randomly be cured of your trauma in a few effortless minutes. How nice to know for a few people I know.

- The bottom line

I have plenty of issues with MML when it comes to plot, or pacing, or humor (which, maybe, deserve their own posts eventually). But this right here is by far my biggest problem of them all. Sure, it’s a show for kids, and sure, you aren’t supposed to take something with this kinda premise super seriously - but that doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects that should be. Whether the creators are aware of how their characters come across or not, there are parts even they should know not to be this disrespectful about. And maybe I could get over things like Carla on their own, but when so many little aspects are condensed into a single character, it really stops being something I can ignore. Especially when the characters interacting with him display such infuriating Protagonist-Centered Morality, and even more especially when it’s related to issues that could really use some proper representation in the media anyway, particularly in shows for this kind of audience.

I’m not saying this because I don’t care about the show (and could’ve stopped watching it easily if I have so many problems with it), it’s because I do. I know these people can produce fantastic content, P&F is a prime example. The first few episodes of MML are, too. But after that, it all kind of falls apart for me, with some gems here and there. And yet I still care about these characters (certain ones, anyway), and carry the hope that they will at some point get the treatment they deserve. Until then, I’ll be here writing fics to take care of that when the show fails to - you’re free to ask me about them if you’re interested, for that matter.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. Complain about my opinion all you want, I know it’s such a jarring wave of negativity in a fandom that’s hardly used to that - but hey. Someone’s gotta be the Bradley here. In more ways than most people with any relation to MML are comfortable with.

Take it or leave it.

#milo murphy's law #mml #Bradley Nicholson #elliot decker #the bradley tag #negative #too bad :ß

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aspiestvmusings · 5 years

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CM S15 THEORIES: MASTER POST

This is all about the CM S14 finale “Jeid” plotline thing. These are all my personal thoughts & opinions. They are not the single truth.

SUPER-LONG MASTER POST, SO BARE WITH ME

THE 4 POSSIBLE OPTIONS ABOUT JJs CONFESSION IN S14 FINALE:

1. JJ told the truth during the “Truth or Dare” game, and she really has always loved him & still does (and not just as friends or platonically), and Reid read her “answer” to his own “Truth or Dare” correctly as her admitting that she told the truth. And he was correct.

2. JJ told the truth during the “Truth or Dare” game, and she really has always loved him & still does (and not just as friends or platonically), but Reid read her “answer” to his own “Truth or Dare” incorrectly as her admitting that she lied/exaggerated.

3. JJ lied during the “Truth or Dare” game, and she only loves him as friends, platonically, but she was only trying to trick the unsub, but Reid read her “answer” to his own “Truth or Dare” incorrectly as her admitting that she told the truth when she made the confession, but she didn’t.

4. JJ lied during the “Truth or Dare” game, and she only loves him as friends, platonically, but she was only trying to trick the unsub, and Reid read her “answer” to his own “Truth or Dare” correctly as her admitting that she lied/exaggerated when she made the confession. The awkwardness stemmed from her feeling bad she messed with him, and from him feeling weird about her choice of “truth”, and them both agreeing that its OK... that she used that as a rouse.

Those are the four main options.

POSSIBLE SCENARIOS ABOUT S14 FINALE & FOR S15

In my opinion the fandom reactions rely on two things & based on where you stand on this, you reacted to the plot twist:

a) whether it is possible to love two people at the same time (I think most of us agrees that if we believe it’s possible to love two people at the same time then those loves are a bit different, while both being equally significant, and real.) If it is then it’s possible she loves Will, but also loves Spence.

b) whether you think just thinking about “what if” scenarios & exploring ones feelings for someone else besides your significant other is cheating and/or lying. IMO it’s ok to think “what if I had chosen that other person instead of the one I chose” & it’s OK to explore ones feelings for someone else... if it all stays hypothetical. If it’s just “theorizing” without any action. I don’t consider it in any way cheating or being dishonest to your SO. Hence I don’t see an issue with JJs dilemma. Cause she might have those feelings, and she might consider what her life would be like if she made other choices, but she won’t act on it. And if she won’t, then there is no ”characters ruined”

1. This was all Reid’s (or his mom’s, Diana’s... or someone elses) dream or hallucination. The confession and the end talk (both “Truth or Dare” games and everything around them (the looks between them...etc) was just imagined by Reid... because his old fear of genetics (having the same diagnosis as his mum) has become true, and he’s seeing things. We saw those moments through his eyes, when they actually did not happen...or did not happen the way he “saw” them. In other words: that was not her confessions, and the looks were not what was actually happening. This would also explain why Reid’s mom would be there for him... for continuation of this.

2. This is one of the three or four imagined futures (AU) scenarios that Reid promised to tell JJ about... a little while ago. He was either imagining one of the imagined futures...or telling her about it. And what the scenarios would look like...now... in “current circumstances” (the “what if” scenarios...) This was one of those imagined futures (because it is canon that Reid had a crush on JJ in early seasons (s1) but we only find out that the s14 Finale was a AU in s15. So... none of it is real... the audience is...sort of...playing a game or “truth or lie”...

3. This is the first plot twist in a row of plot twists... there’s a second twist to it. The S14 finale started with Reid being not able to read JJs “poker face”. In other words JJ was able to fool the profiler Reid...just like she did back in S6/S7 during Emily’s death plot. So this is a reverse of that trust-issue plot. Only...this time it is revealed that Reid (who is now carrying 2 guns, including one ankle holster...just like Hotch used to, and who can now easily pass his shooting range test...unlike in earlier seasons...) can do the same, and he did the same.

Back then JJ hid Emily’s survival from Reid & others, now it’s gonna be revealed that Reid hid Maeve’s survival from JJ & others. (Yes, I know... this would not fit with past & would make his mental...state...questionable... cause who would do something like this... but I’d say all bets are off right now...) And her confession makes everything extra awkward because of this, because she had no idea just how late it came, and how complicated things are..to say it now...

4. No matter if JJ either told the truth or lied during the “Truth or Dare” game(s)... (both options work for this), it’s either awkward because of the past (his crush on her in S1, her keeping secrets in s6/s7) and cause she thinks she chose a not-cool “truth” as her lie, and opened up old memories that should be buried, or it’s awkward because they were able to profile each other correctly, and know it’s the truth, so it’s awkward because now they’re aware that they both have always...sort of---had feelings for each other (even though she’s been married & has kids with Will... for the past decade & he “had” Maeve), but they both know they cannot and will not act on them, so it’s awkward because of the “complicated situation”, and this is a "some secrets are better keep secret” thing plot. The bittersweet plot, where they both acknowledge their feelings, and that they other returns the feelings, but it’s awkward and complicated, and bittersweet, because they have missed their moment, and neither of them want to ruin the status quo, so they won’t acton those feelings.

5. Maybe the “poker face” scene in the beginning wasn’t about her being a better liar than he thinks... in the later scene, but is referring to the past - maybe shes been a great actor with her marriage? Maybe JJ has been a better liar than Spence (and the viewers) know? Maybe her house wasn’t being painted back in 4x12 and Will didn’t take the boys to a vacation because of that? Maybe there really have been issues in the marriage? Maybe all hasn’t been as peachy as we’ve thought based on past episodes? I mean... they have done storylines with JJ/Will issues, and though it’s the usual/traditional marriage issues (that they always...seemingly...worked out...at the end of the episode/plot... maybe that was all a show, and they “pretended”, without actually working things out? Cause several times I had the strange feeling that that was not all, and that things weren’t resolved, but every time the plots were dropped, and didn’t lead anywhere, so it made it seem as if it was usual relationship issues... that were worked on & resolved) who knows...

Cause... Will was also acting kinda awkward at the wedding in 14x15? And unless he sensed something or JJ told him something... I found him reaching for her hand...during that line when Emily was giving her speech...kinda awkward. And that was separate from the JJ & Spencer awkwardness (looks and all). Will was completely silent during the wedding (and the boys were missing from the event) and he looked kinda extra “unhappy” (not the correct word, but his usual typical emotionless look seem more emotionless)... so perhaps there really are serious cracks in their marriage? And since according to JJ’s mom it’s their family's tradition to avoid talking about things, then perhaps she has not brought it up, and has just stayed with him... because she’s used to it... plus because of the kids. (while not a good tv trope it is very very common in real life... families stay together... because of the kids and/or to not rock the boat... and TV shows like to use that very real-life behaviour)

This would be for the scenario where JJ/Spence get together (but that would not happen in the s15 premiere, but rather s15 finale... after another possible timejump..IMO), and would be the one scenario where no one involved gets intentionally hurt. The other option would be that Will dies, but IMO that would be weird choice from the writers (it’d leave a bad taste... to have the love confession happen first and then have the “obstacle” aka Will conveniently die...after that...so the twin flames would be able to be together.) And though it’s also very much like what network TV likes to do, I’d prefer if this wasn’t the case.

6. What if JJ told the truth, and she has always loved Spencer... in more-than-a-friend way, but they both know that it would not have worked & that it won’t work now. Maybe this is a way to re-introduce some other “dropped” or “never addressed” plots? Maybe Reid being asexual will be made canon, and this is the way to get there? Maybe they both will agree that there is love between them...always has been, and they acknowledge it. But...since she always wanted a family, and kids, and something different from a relationship, she chose the path she is on. And perhaps this is a way to sort-of give resolution to one of the many “theories” regarding Spencer. (the biggest ones are: that he is asexual & that he is autistic. The first has never been addressed, and the second has been basically denied in canon, when he hasn’t identified with the autistic characters that have been on the show, and instead referred to them as “they” , not “we/people like me”)

7. The most likely scenario is (based on both the past, knowing the characters and their “personality/character”, the s14 finale, and the S15 spoilers) that the truth/lie does make things awkward between them... either because they both know she told the truth...and it’s so “inappropriate” & “award” now... because of her family (husband, kids...)...and maybe because of his secret relationship OR because it was a lie/exaggeration and she feels awkward about making him believe it & he feels awkward about her choosing that untruth. Either way.. they talk about the uncomfortable topic at one point, and agree that things really are too complicated, and though it might have worked out...if things turned out different (if Will never entered the picture...), but now it’s definitely not happening. And that what they have now..instead of romance is so much better and special. The “awkwardness” will be resolved like the “Emily secret in s6/s7″ ... within a few episodes, and all will go back to normal.

8. The s15 new characters spoilers also add several possibilities. The new character having an interesting relationship with Spencer does not actually have to mean traditional romance (even if the spoilers frame it that way). She could be Reid’s mom’s (Diana’s) new caretaker. She could be one of Reid’s students (they could’ve met/could meet) during one of the lectures he gives. She could be the “surrogate” of Reid’s future kid (cause I do not think the show would actually have Reid raising Cat Adams kid... also cause that child has already been born). Cause they have made it a big deal that Spence is great with kids (Henry!) & that he wants kids (even though he fears his genes being passed on). So perhaps he agrees to adopt a pregnant woman’s baby. That way he would kinda get his happy ending, and the relationship would be..”interesting”. But... she could also be introduced & made to be a traditional love interest. In which case.. Reid will find the 2nd love of his life... (Maeve was his first)

One possible way to include Reid raising a kid & bringing back characters from the past (sadly... there is one character we most likely will not see... that’s Hotch... who can only be mentioned, but almost certainly won’t appear on screen) is to bring back Hotch’s son, Jack. And since I don’t think he would come visit the BAU alone, I see only one way: reveal that Hotch has died (maybe some unsub got to him, maybe it’s an accident), and Jack will go to Reid (or Emily, who has also expressed in the past wanting to adopt).... From other past characters I can see only a few making on-screen appearances: Morgan almost certainly (they gotta make schedules work). But I would love for Blake to pay a visit.

THINGS THAT MADE/MAKE ME BE OK/POSITIVE ABOUT THAT PLOT TWIST:

1. If JJ told the truth: That they (the writers, via JJ) acknowledged that things are TOO COMPLICATED now...for such a confession, and for anything to come out of it. If the character hadn’t said/added that, and if the showrunner hadn’t backed that up in the interview regarding the confessions & its aftermath... I’d have issues with it. But the showrunner/writers, the actors, and the characters all are very protective of the characters and their friendship/connection (and their other relationships), so they would want to treat the storyline with respect. And to me this also means that there won’t be any cheating or intentionally breaking up marriages or such things happening. Cause that is OOC for these two.

2. If JJ told the truth: They both (JJ & Reid) have been in so many dangerous situations before, and almost died (life-threatening situations), and they’ve both played “games” with mentally unstable people (Cat Adams, Diane Turner), and they both know the stakes, and that any of those situations could be their last, so her fear might’ve been real, and she might’ve really thought that they would die... (because the 415 unsub wasn’t negotiating and was so unpredictable (he shot a Spences direction, randomly... and neither probably were sure they’d get out alive), and she decided that she wanted him to know... for this to be the last thing she told him (taking us back to S8 & Maeve...and how he had saved saying the three words back to Maeve...for their first in-person meeting...and he never actually got to say... those exact words). So...despite realizing that this ruins everything- their friendship, her marriage (the way they look at each other & the others... even if they don’t act on the feelings), she decided that he should know... in case they don’t make it out alive. And that is very believable and “in character”

So... even if I’d think they’re gonna make Jeid canon (and I don’t think so), I’d be ok with it. I might’ve preferred it done differently, but I've never been against the idea with these two (unlike with Garcia/Morgan...for example... who worked the way they were).

The Will-factor:

I was never a big fan of Will’s. And that might cloud my judgement a bit here, but here are my thoughts on Will and Will/JJ:

Will was originally introduced/brought back as JJ’s love interest because the actress was pregnant IRL, and they decide to write the pregnancy in the show, so JJ needed to have a boyfriend. And despite the character claiming and seemingly being in love with him, I never felt their connection. And the fact that she did not say “yes” right away... and it took a life threatening situation for her to essentially propose to him (I always thought that she acted out of shock, and it was an impulse decision because she thought she’d lost him...but not in away that made her sure this was what she wanted, but in away that she did it out of “fear”) And though they have portrayed her, and their marriage as stable, and made it seem as if her decision wasn’t an impulse one, I never really believed in it.

My biggest issue with Will/their marriage is that I dislike that he “gave up” his job for the family. That he became the housewife...and that he was/is not happy about it. And they have used it as part of the storyline (they always do this with law enforcement character/their SO in TV shows... first on CM was Hotch’s wife, but it has been used for basically every relationship on this show, too) - have him not be OK that she works such long hours, is away from home a lot, and he has to be at home with the kids (with JJ/Will it surprised me that they used it for them, too, because Will used to have the same kind of job, so he should’ve known especially well what it all means, so that’s why I disliked that trope being used for them). Though they kinda gave resolution tho those plots...where he seemingly was OK at the end with his role, I never got the feeling that he is actually OK with it. So... I have disliked some things... and don’t think he’s actually happy, or that she’s actually happy, or that things are as peachy as they seem, or that they’ve really resolved their typical marriage issues. Though every time they have an episode where they bring up the typical marriage issues with these two they do resolve them - they work on them, and find their happy place again...yet... I’ve never been fully convinced things were resolved.

I also think that it’s possible to love two people at the same time (though in a slightly different way). I am uncertain if a person can be in love with two people at the same time, but to me the fact that JJs confession suggests that she’s loved Spence (in more-than-friends way) since S1 (before she met Will, while she’s been in a relationship with Will) does not mean that she hasn’t also loved Will. Cause I believe she did, and does. And her confession also doesn’t cheapen her marriage in any way. Because I don’t see it as her saying “since I am confessing that I have loved Spence since I met him, this means I never loved Will, and my relationship with him is hence a lie”, but just stating a fact. That she has loved her husband...in one way. And at the same time she’s had (suppressed) feelings for Spencer... but for whatever reason she never acted upon them.

The kids-factor:

Yes, Spence is JJs kids god-father and Uncle. And yes, JJ is married and has two kids with Will (she’d have 3 kids, but she lost one during that mission), and yes... kids are involved, so “how could the writers do this plot twist” (this is assuming there was a plan to make Jeid canon in the shows reality/canon universe...and I’m not at all convinced that’s the case) .

But...since JJ specifically said that things are too complicated now to tell Spence about her feelings, and hence things are too complicated now to do anything about those feelings, hence there won’t be any action taken... then why even worry the characters would behave OOC and become cheaters (her leaving her hubby for him, him breaking up her marriage...). Nope, unless it’s revealed there have been marital issues and they were growing apart before and/or if Will dies (cause main characters love interests always get hut in crime shows.... and that is the most likely fate of any such guest character. See: Hailey, Maeve), it’s not happening.

But also... as weird as the kids starting to call their uncle their dad idea sounds, and as unlikable as it is for fans that in such situation the spouse (will) and the kids get hurt and they don’t deserve it... do you really think it’s better to stay together JUST because of the kids. That staying married/together “for the kids sake” is the best solution...for anyone, including the kids? In my personal opinion... nope. I don’t like it as a plot, and I would not like it IRL. Cause I don't think that “staying together for the kids”actually benefits the kids. And since I don’t think JJ/Will would separate unless they had some actual non-Jeid-related marital issues, then I’m not worried about the situation being unfair to Will & the kids.

Having feelings you cannot control. Hence I don’t consider JJ’s confession that she’s loved Spencer while being in love & married & raising a family with Will, as cheating or lying to her family. She’s either repressed those feelings, or never realized them til lately/now. Either way... just thinking about it does not equal acting on it in my book. Since I don’t think that way, I also don’t see this cheapening her character, or her marriage, or this ruining the Jeid relationship or the story so far.

The friendship factor:

I personally have never seen the JJ & Spence relationship as siblings. And just like (based on many online comments) many say it’s weird to view their relationship as romantic (hints of more than friends), for me it’s weird that some people see it as brother/sister (siblings) thing. For me, in canon, it was always about two (very) close friends, whose friendship and connection grew over time. And as typical with such high risk jobs, where your team becomes your family, that connection only deepened over time.

And while I personally never saw anything physical or deeply romantic (traditional sense romantic) between them (yes, he had a crush on her in S1/early seasons), I’d say their relationship is closer to romantic than siblings. For me JJ & Spence are a great example of “platonic soulmates” - a connection deeper than friends, romance, or any other label can define. A relationship that not many get to experience in their lives, and a relationship that not many understand (and confuse with either romance or friendship, but IMO it’s neither... but between/a combination of the two). PS. I, too, think that Spence is asexual & autistic, though that’s just my headcanon, because one has never been mentioned & the otehr has been basically “denied” in canon.

And while I don’t know what exactly Emily/the writers meant with the term “twin flames” (romantic, platonic... partners), I do think these two are connected for life. Their bond is unique and deep (whether you see romance in it, too, or not). These two have always depended on each other, and been there for the other for moral support. I’d even say that she has been in an emotional relationship with him (she’s confided in him...before she’s confided in her own husband...). So..in away... Will is there to provide the family and stability and the physical relationship part, and Spence has kinda been there for her emotional needs. And in my personal opinion (that not everyone shares)..in more than just best friend way. In platonic soulmates way.

And while I’ve not viewed their past relationship (scenes, moments) as romantic, it’s very possible to read that moments that way IMO. (also: as Iäve re-watched some scenes after the s14 finale...now my mind is playing tricks on me & I kinda see “romance” is several of the scenes I did not look this way before. I know that it’s just my mind playing tricks on me, but... the 401 scenes, the 415 opening scene, the s12 prison visit scenes...I see differently now. I cannot unsee it...either. But that’s ok. To quote Reid... I feel like something’s changed... (but yet I don’t think the show will make them canon..)

I think this is a nice way to explore the possibilities, the “what ifs”. The different possible future outcomes. The alternate universes/scenarios. I also don’t think that IF (and that’s a big if) the writers decide to make them canon, then that should make viewers think that male & female characters can’t ever be just best friends (platonic soulmates)... without romantic hints added. Cause... they already added the romance factor back in S1 (even if they dropped it... without ever really bringing it up until s14), and because this very show has several such relationships that never became (or will become) canon - like Morgan/Garcia, and (probably also) Garcia/Luke. So this very show has already shown that those relationships can exist, and that friendship doesn’t always have to be mixed with romance.

The plot-twist factor

I don’t know how anyone can say that this came out of nowhere, and that there were no hints, and zero build-up to this. Caue while there was no “in your face” build-up to the reveal (and if they decide to make them canon at the end of the series, then to the canon ship), there have been hints scattered around throughout s14, and even though Spence’s S1 crush on JJ was kinda dropped/forgotten, and not taken anywhere, then the show did build their relationship, and there has been constant focus on their bond (call it however you want: friends, soulmates, slow-burn romance), so this definitely isn’t something OOC or impossible or non-believable. It might not be the best plot twist idea ever, but it’s not the worst.

The writers knew the show was ending, so they wanted to give resolution to many things from the past: The S1 “date” that was brought up (and finally revealed to us what happened) in S14 premiere, and whether they decide to make the ship canon or not., they wanted to give answers and resolve that storyline. In that sense I like that they decided to explore this, because romantic or not, their bond has been special, and the characters and actors “deserve” to explore it, and it’s nice to get answers and see where it leads (or where it would have lead... if things were different... which is one very likely option on how they’ll deal with this... have Reid tell JJ about his 3 or 4 possible future outcomes in which one of those scenarios Jeid is canon, so we get to explore that AU without ruining the reality)

I also find it very “fitting” that this happened at the end of S14 & at Rossi’s wedding, because it was at the S7 Finale, when Rossi (was the one, who) put together an impromptu surprise wedding for them (after he overheard her asking him to ask her). Also... her S7 Finale proposal & the wedding happened after/because of a high-stress situation, where someone life was in danger and she almost lost him, and the S14 Finale confession happened after/because of a high-stress situation, where someone’s life was in danger. So both those “plot twists”, while both also kinda expected, though maybe not at the precise time & the exact way, have many similarities. There are parallels. On both cases she acted (and revealed her feelings) because she/someone she cares about (almost) died.

I also would not say that this isn’t believable (why now, why this way) or “in character”. Though it did surprise me, too, that they’d go there now... and make this aset up plot twist for their final season...continuing the plot that they basically dropped 14 seasons ago....but Im just surprised/puzzled at this decision, not at all upset. And... the more I think about it, the more I like the idea (especially because I do not think they’ll make them canon, just explore the possibilities...about even if they will make them canon...in the end... I see potential there). I think it’s actually interesting to find out what’s been hidden all these years. And to find out more about the characters...in that way. Cause obviously JJ has “repressed” those feelings for years... and obviously neither has admitted their feelings...possibly not even to themselves. So it’d be interesting to find out what has been in their thoughts - the things we didn’t see when they were happening...

Of course this was done for the cliffhanger reasons. But... I don’t see it just as stirring-.things-up-just.to-.add-dramalama plot twist. I see at as an opportunity to address one of the many previously dropped/unfinished/not explored plotlines, and give resolution. To the characters. To the cast. To the fans. To the storylines. So I actually like that they decided to explore it. And I believe JJ & Reid (the show) will come to the conclusion many of us share.... one that Emily voiced in the s14 premiere. That instead of possible dating/romance they built something even better... and stronger. That their relationship means more as it is than it would if things had gone differently.

The framing of the s14 scenes - both the awkward looks & silence after the “Truth or Dare”game...when they were rescued, and at the wedding (during Emily’s “twin flames” toast & during their private talk, and then the looks after that...) seems to suggest that even though neither would act on them, they both have feelings for each other. Also... Emily’s speech was so much about them, too (twin flames... even if they only get together in distant future or AU). And also... Will and Wll/JJ were super awkward, too. It was as if there was something awkward between them, too. I could not not notice that something seemed strange about them, so I wonder what they’ll do about that...

ETA: And as I’ve stated before... the characters have played mind games with unsubs before. Reid did in 8x12 with Diane turner, and in 12x12 with Cat Adams. And there are many parallels.. especially to the s12 finale. The episode where the words “I cant help but to feel like something’s changed” line was uttered (and maybe there were more layers than the false accusations & prison experience changing Spence... to be “tougher” to it?), and the episode, where the unsub made them “guess” the answer by revealing a “secret”. So yes, they might link this also to that episode/story. (also... what did Spence’s mom tell him over the phone that time when he called her from prison...when he replied with “I Know”?

The S15 SPOILERS factor:

If we’re talking about the other confusing spoilers for S15, and about a possible love interest for Reid, then unless the wording was incorrect, and the spoiler, originally was referring to JJ and the JJ/Reid s15 opener (15x01-15x02) plot... and so on, then can I suggest... bringing back an already introduced past guest character... for the possible plot line and endgame. If it can’t be the biggest fake death plot twist since Emily 6x18 and Maeve didn’t actually die in 8x12, then how about some lovely ladies like Dylan Einstein from 10x14 or the bartender Austin from 4x09, or Det. Angela Pierce from 10x17? I know there was a connection with Lila from 1x18 also, but I personally wasn’t a huge fan...And though there was a “connection” with Cat Adams (she become kinda obsessed with him, but she’s... bad), can’t be her...

But...the s15 spoilers do make it sound as if the S14 finale Jeid-twist is gonna be focus ONLY in the premiere 15x01 - 15x02, and though it’ll have an effect on them also after, then if this is correct, it pretty much confirms that they’re not gonna be canon (they either agree to “hide” their feelings and continue the same...to not ruin her marriage/family, and they just accept that they missed their moment, and it really is too late now... or whatever else plot happens where they don’t get together...) Cause if they’d become canon, I’d say the plot would be the focus throughout the season. Also... Reid’s mom being there for him... being a mother to him when he needs her seems to also suggest that Jeid is not gonna be made canon. Instead every spoiler so far seems to suggest that the plot/reveal will be explored, but nothing will come out of it... really.

Though since it’s still early, and they just started filming S15, and the finale has not yet been written (so there so time to change things..if they want to)... and since spoilers are known to be misleading... this could be the case here, too. I’d say we won’t know until s15 airs. But..right now it does look like the new character is a love interest for reid, and part of his happy ending story.

And the “love interest” spoiler also seems to suggest a different character than JJ. And that also supports the not-gonna-be-canon theory. Though it does surprise me that they’ll try to fit so much into one short 10-episode season. Resolving the S14 finale confession and the Jeid all-series-long storyline, introducing a new (or re-introducing an old??) character and making them have a connection with Reid... that’ll lead to a happy ending within max 10 episodes... (in minimum two episodes, which seems to be possibly all Reid/Max get?) ...which seems kinda not enough for her to be an actual love interest/his future forever. Which makes me think if she is supposed to be a love interest? (well... they did the same with Maeve, and Rossi’s wife Krystal, and Morgan’s wife...) and it’s typical for a TV to get characters from meeting for the 1st time to altar really fast... so I kinda would expect them to do it... though I wish they would’ve done this several seasons before the final one..and made it a slow-pace development. But... I can’t ask for the show to be written according to my preferences.

Either way... there are so many...to many possibilities right now. The writers have made their choice, and chosen the path, but we won’t know which of the scenarios from the many many possible ones will be made canon.

Only one thing is certain: Reid’s character finds his happy ending with a character played by actress with the last name COOK. Cause it’s looking pretty certain that they’re not bringing back any of the “love interests” from the past, so he’s either gonna stay single and happy OR get together with either AJ Cook’s or Rachel Leigh Cook’s character. So... we only know one thing: it’s COOK. But which one... only time will tell. (PS. I find this to be one of the funniest accidental casting parallels! To think online fans freaked out his character was definitely getting together with AJ Cook’s character, and then they cast a different Cook to be the new love interest.)

Either way... I’m with those who say “calm down”. Cause while the possibility of Jeid becoming canon does exist (either in the s15 premiere or S15/series finale... after a timejump), then the probability of that happening is quite slim.

Everything is the past episodes, and everything in the s14 finale, and everything in the s15 spoilers, and everything the showrunner has said in interviews about this whole thing points to them not becoming canon. They might explore this option in an AU/dream scene/episode...as a “what if” scenario, but the showrunner has made it clear that they know the characters, and the characters are not what fans fear..in their core. All the fan fears are pretty baseless, because “him breaking up her marriage/her leaving him to run of with the genius” is not in the characters nature. So... only if Will’s fate is the same as almost every other main characters spouses/love interests (Hailey, Maeve, Strauss) - death... will Jeid happen...IMO. It’s network tv, so I am always prepared for “surprise” options, and wont be upset, but so far everything points to it not happening.

This would apply IF the show would make them canon - a “positive look” at the plot... But as stated I don’t think they will. (but this is written as sort-of something to “calm down” the people, who reacted very strongly at the cliffhanger... as sort of different take... that it doesn’t have to be the “worst case scenario”) But I still think that whether JJ was telling the truth or not... they won’t make Jencer canon. This is just to explore the “what if”-s & give closure to the once-.mentioned/started possibility. Since the show is ending, they are “tying up loose ends”... revisiting old storylines that never went anywhere. And this is their way to honour the special relationship these two characters have. And just like they moved on from the 702 (trust) issues, they will get past this, too, and remain best friends...for life.

THINGS THAT OTHERS HAVE SAID THAT MAKE ME LOOK AT IT MORE POSITIVELY

LINK HERE

THINGS THAT I HAVE SAID ABOUT THE S14 FINALE & S15... BEFORE THIS:

LINK HERE

#CM #CRIMINAL MINDS #SPOILER #cmspoiler #JEID #CM S15 #CM S14 #CM 14x15 #JENNIFER JAREAU #SPENCER REID #MASTER POST

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scriptautistic · 6 years

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OK so I might be wrong but I recall one of the admins here saying they're French (or that they got diagnosed in France ???)...if I'm not mistaken, could they say more about the diagnosis process & how autistic people are treated in France (do you have accomodations, is there a lot of ableism, etc) ? I'm writing a French autistic character and I'm lacking a lot of information because most of the info about autism in France is in French, and I haven't learned the language.

Hi! You’re remembering correctly, I am indeed French, and I can answer that question.

Autism Diagnosis in France

French healthcare is set up with a primary care system with general healthcare providers(such as general practitioners or family doctors), and then you’ve got specialists, and you’ve got to go through primary care to be able to access the specialists and be reimbursed properly. It works like this for all kind of healthcare specialists, and it’s also the case for autism.

I don’t know the age of your character when they’re getting diagnosed, so I’ll cover different situations. Basically, there are three different times in your life where you can get adressed to a specialized team for diagnosis:

As a young child: It is possible the parents noticed that there was something “wrong” with their child and brought it up with the pediatrician. It is also possible that the pediatrician noticed some developmental delays or tell-tale signs of autism during one of the developmental checkups that are (theoretically) scheduled regularly during the child’s first years.

As a school-age child or as a teenager: difficulties (of an academic or social nature) at school can trigger questions from teachers or parents. Typically, the child would then meet the school psychologist who would do a first screening/evaluation. If the school psychologist thought there was ground for a diagnosis, they’d refer the child to a child psychiatrist.

As a teenager or an adult: Self-diagnosis can lead the character to seek an official diagnosis, they’d then go to a psychiatrist (people younger than 26 can go see a psychiatrist directly, people 26 and older need to be refered by their G.P. if they want to be reimbursed) to talk about it. Another possibility is the character seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist for mental health problems, and the professionnal bringing up the possibility of an autism diagnosis. If it was a psychologist who brought it up, the character would need to go and see a psychiatrist anyway, because only doctors can make official referals to specialists.

In any case, the character would end up seeing a general healthcare provider, who would ask them (or their parents) a lot of question about autistic traits, their impact on daily life and on professional/academic life, etc. If what the doctor hears lets them think that there is ground for a diagnosis, they’d then write a letter to a specialized team, with all the information to justify their demand.

Specialized teams can be composed of psychiatrists, psychologists, nurses, speech therapists, occupational therapists, psycho-motor therapists… There is at least one “official” team per admisitrative region in France (so that means 8 total), in what is called a Centre Ressource Autisme or C.R.A. (which means Autism Resource Center). There can also be teams in other places such as in CAMSPs (Center for Early Medico-Social Action, for children younger than 6), CMPPs (Medico-Psycho-Pedagogical Center, for children up to 18 yo), child psychiatry or pediatry services in hospitals, special evaluation units, or coordinated independant practices.

Your character can probably count a couple of months before being refered to one of these teams. It’s going to be quicker for a young child than for an adult, because it’s considered as more of a priority. For me it took 6 months but that’s because they lost my contact info, I think one-two months is more representative.

As for what the actual autism evaluation would look like, I am going to describe mine, but it’s slightly different from place to place and from team to team. It probably would also be slightly different with a child, i went through the evaluation process as an adult.

First I had a preliminary interview with a psychiatrist, it was a general discussion of my autistic traits and of the things that made me suspect being autistic. I also showed him my health report and my school report. After that he said he’d recommand me for a full evaluation and he told me to wait for them to contact me. I had the full evaluation two months later. It consisted in:

A full cognitive assessment, they used the WAIS-IV

A language (and more) assessment, which included a spelling test, a reading speed test, a thing where I had to come up with as many words as I could in two minutes, a theory of mind test, a test in which I had to identify and then imitate intonation, a test in which I had to identify emotions on faces, give definitions or synonyms for words, and maybe more stuff that I can’t remember.

What they called a “functional assessment” which consisted in them asking questions about my daily life, about how I manage activities of daily living, how studying and working is going for me, and so on. I think they had a booklet they took questions from. They also made me do some things like telling the story from a picture and from a picture book, telling a story with objects, playing a kind of pretend game… I was filmed during all of this. They also left the room for a few minutes while leaving me with distractions (a big basket of books and stimmy things), they said they needed to talk but I think they wanted to film how I’d react while alone.

An interview with my girlfriend about my daily life, how I manage activities of daily living and whether I put myself in danger and whether I know how to manage money and stuff. Basically assessing my level of independence I guess.

There was supposed to be an interview with my mom to ask about my early development but she couldn’t come, so they gave her a paper form with questions to answer.

After that, there is one more appointment with the psychiatrist to give me the results.

That’s about all I can say about diagnosis. The whole process took about a year for me but it’s supposed to be shorter, it would have been if they hadn’t lost my contact information. It didn’t cost me anything. It all took place in my local hospital, in a special evaluation unit for adult autism diagnosis. If you have any more questions I’d be happy to answer them.

Attitudes towards autism in France

First I’d say autism is not as well-known in France as it can be in English-speaking countries. If you ask the general population what autism is, chances are you’ll be met with faint memories of Rain Man and not much else. There’s also a certain awareness of rocking with one’s hands over one’s ears as an autistic thing, and it sometimes is used for ableist jokes and mockery. Mostly, if your character were to try and explain they are autistic to people, they’d probably have to explain everything from the beginning because people don’t really have a working definition of autism.

There’s a lot of ableism towards autism among professionnals, even though most specialists I’ve encountered were well-meaning. Asperger’s is still a very commonly-used diagnostic term here, and chances are your character would have to talk about Asperger’s rather than autism to be understood and taken seriously by professionals. If they don’t have contact with an international community, that’s also probably how they’d identify. All French communities of autistic people I’ve found centered around this word. There are not a lot of these communities, and I’m not aware of any big organization run by and for autistic people. Your character may feel isolated and have trouble finding people like them. Some hospitals or autism centers run discussion groups and meetings for autistic teens, I think.

Regarding autism, things that are well-established in the U.S. are often seen as the Brand Great New thing in France. Basically I think you can say we are about 10 years late in that regard. For instance, I’ve met a lot of professionnals who were excited to work with me because they were very interested in how autism presents in girls, they’ve read there are some differences, and so on. This is not a new researc subject in the U.S., but it is here. Another, less pleasant example of this phenomenon is that here, ABA is seen as the Great New Thing, a new efficient treatment that’s commonly used overseas but barely even known here! We’ve got to train specialists and to develop it! That’s one aspect for which I wish we wouldn’t be making progress.

Most non-specialist mental health and medical professionnals know very little about autism. Once I tried to talk about it to a psychiatrist, and he confused it with schizophrenia and schooled me on why I wasn’t psychotic. I had to teach more than one therapist about it. There are still very backwards “treatments” of autism that are sometimes in use, such as psychoanalysis (on nonverbal 5 year olds...). But as a psychology student I can say we’re mostly getting up-to-date information about autism, so hopefully this should get better in coming years.

As to accomodations, I’ve never had to ask for any so I’m not best placed to answer this question. It is law that people with disabilities (I’m pretty sure you have to have an official diagnosis for this) have to get the accomodations they need in the workplace, in school and in higher education, but I’m not sure how easy it is to get them or how well the laws are respected. I’ve seen a few disabled fellow students who got accomodations, one of whom was autistic (he had someone else take his notes for him and was allowed to record lectures). I can tell you a bit more about how to get accomodations in university; if that’s relevant for you to know you can shoot us another ask once the askbox is open again.

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head, if you have follow-up questions I’d be happy to answer them.

-Mod Cat

If this post was useful to you and you want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee!

#question #mod cat #france #diagnosis #ableism #ableism cw #accomodations

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clodplaye · 7 years

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The Best Day of My Life: September 23rd, 2017.

For those that care, read below:

On September 23rd, 2017, my 15 year dream became a reality.

I don’t think people understand and/or take me seriously when I say that this band changed my life.

Most people have seen a viral video of an autistic boy who was moved by Coldplay playing “Fix You” live. Ladies and gentlemen, that was me when I was 5 years old (hence the “15 year dream.” I’m currently 20 years old). When I was 5, A Rush of Blood to the Head was released (2002). I first heard “Clocks” on the radio on the way to kindergarten/elementary school. Like my fellow autistic in that viral video, I too, was moved by the ambience of Coldplay. Ever since, Coldplay has literally been the only music I listen to (well, except Adam Young AKA Owl City, but that’s a different story..).

If it weren’t for Coldplay, I would not be a singer-songwriter. Why do you think most of my covers are of Coldplay? My voice was shaped by Chris Martin’s unique and identifiable vocals. (Most) autistics have what’s known as “echolalia.” You know how parrots repeat stuff back that humans say? That’s what echolalia is. That’s how I learned how to sing: I mimicked Chris’ voice. All of their songs give me inspiration in one way or another as well. There is no band like Coldplay, and that’s why they’re the biggest band in the world.

For 15 years, I listened to every new song that came out; as soon as it came out. I remember in middle school, my best friend and I were freaking out over Mylo Xyloto. When I heard Coldplay were coming to Seattle back then, I was already crying. My dreams were crushed when my mom said, “You have school the next day.” I was 14. My 8th grade year and life were ruined in an instant.

Then I heard about Ghost Stories, but also heard about how small the tour was. I didn’t get my hopes up anyways, because Ghost Stories was actually my least favorite album. I thought for sure that it would be the last album Coldplay would ever release…

of course, I was wrong.

When I heard about A Head Full of Dreams, I was over the moon. I was so hopeful that this tour was going to be huge. Besides, Coldplay themselves said it might be their last album. When they announced the first leg of the American tour, I was extremely sad to see that Seattle or anywhere in the Pacific Northwest weren’t included. I had a feeling that they’d be back, but I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen…

but in October of 2016, that announcement was real.

I saw it. In that quick few seconds of that announcement video, I saw the abbreviation, “WA,” of course meaning Washington State.

I dropped my phone. My dreams weren’t shattered after all. From that moment, I swore that I was going to get those tickets to see the men that “ruined” and saved my life.

As soon as those tickets went onsale, I was ready. At first, I was only getting seats off the floor, “What? Why is this happening?? Why can’t I choose my seat?!?!” My mom knew how big of a fan I was, and I started bawling to her. “Calm down, Sweetheart. You’ll get those tickets, and we’ll do whatever it takes.” This was the woman that got mad when I told her that I wanted to be adopted by Chris Martin when I was 8 years old… anyways, I did calm down, and I tried using a different browser. By some stroke of luck… I got those tickets by the B-stage, and you better believe I bought them as fast as I could.

I cried I bawled. I just lost it. The concert was over a year away, but I was so ready to see my idols.

————————————————————————————————–

That day finally arrived on that beautiful day in September of 2017. I couldn’t believe that nearly a year flew by.

The day started off with waking up at 11:00am and taking over an hour to put all of my stuff together. I then met up with my friend and we got a few snacks before heading to the stadium.

We arrived at CenturyLink about an hour prior to them opening the gates. We were the second ones in line, too! As soon as those gates opened, we received our Xylobands and love buttons. I was already feeling the love from Coldplay and their entire team. Then, after buying some merchandise, we finally walked onto the field.

Now, I should also mention that the Seahawks also play at CenturyLink, and my family have been season ticket holders; also since 2002. I have never in my life walked onto that field before. So when I stepped onto that field… I nearly fainted.

Not only did the Seahawks (my other idols) play here, but the stage that I’d only seen in pictures for 2 years… was right in front of us. Just… right in front of us. Tears literally streamed down my face. My friend didn’t judge me at all, but I knew I was a hot mess. I had no idea if I was going to make it through the whole show (literally).

I then found our seats, and of course, we took a few pictures. I didn’t actually realize that we were only about 10 feet away from the B-stage. I thought for sure we’d be further away. Yep, I also flipped out then.

Alina Baraz was fantastic. I don’t usually like opening acts, but Alina did such an amazing job. Her voice and her stage presence were very soothing. Dare I say she was actually better than Tove Lo (in my opinion). Then again… I’m not really a big fan of Tove Lo. Sure, she’s got a great voice, but as an asexual (a sex-repulsed asexual), her music makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I found myself shaking my head during some of her songs.

Okay, and now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

BOI WHEN THAT INTRO STARTED, I WAS SHOOKETH.

This was the only part of the show that I’d actually seen before-hand. I knew Chris was going to run down to the B-stage and do that flying thing he always does during the bridge of “A Head Full of Dreams,” but I still wasn’t prepared. I was already bawling again. I couldn’t believe it was him. I couldn’t believe it was Coldplay. I couldn’t believe they were in my city.

Throughout the show, Chris kept mentioning how much he loved Seattle. He mentioned Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Soundgarden, and how he would try to do ‘em justice (which of course he did). That small tribute to Chris Cornell also made me tear up. Soundgarden was another band I grew up with. Chris also mentioned that the first show they ever played in the United States was at The Showbox in Seattle. I had to look it up, but it’s true. I couldn’t believe it. I was only 4 when they played there, but it was still awesome to hear. When the whole band moved to the B-stage, I held up the front of my sign. For those that don’t know, the front of my sign said, “After 15 years of waiting… [My] Head Full of Dreams came true today (Coldplayer since 2002). #believeinlove” I believe Jonny saw my sign, because he looooked in myyyyy direction (sorry…), and he went from being serious to being extremely happy (nearly laughing)! That made me feel so good. At least one of the members saw my sign. I’m pretty sure Chris saw it too, but it was too far away for him to read at the time. He squinted trying to read it, but yeah… I think he noticed it. Doesn’t matter if he did or not though, I (somewhat) hope that Coldplay discovers my account… one day… maybe they already have… Also, before the show, a person working for the event came up to my friend and I and said, “The band is going to walk right by your seats to the C-stage later tonight. Get your phones ready!” He was really nice the whole night. The other security people… not so much. When that moment finally came during the show, I was right in front of the tape they put out for the band so they had a clear path to the C-Stage. I nearly touched Chris, but was still 3 feet away from him. My arms weren’t long enough. I still bawled like a freaking child, though. Finally, Chris said the following dialogue on the C-stage:

“So… when we were just off-stage a second ago, Will said, ‘The reason why this audience is so good is because they’re called, ‘The 12th Man.’’ Is that correct?” *audience fucking cheers loud af* “No wonder your football team is so fucking good because they got you on their side, so that’s amazing! Ah… I wish we could take you everywhere…” I fucking died when he said that.

Meanwhile, the concert went by lightening fast. When they started playing “Up&Up,” I couldn’t believe it was already over. I didn’t even cry; I was in shock.

I never understood why some people on here wrote really long, sappy posts about the show. Now I do.

From now on, I am reading every new post about the show from someone else’s experience. Now I understand why people share their experience. We all know that this band is what brought a lot of us, and the world together, but I never knew how big of an impact they made on other people.

I said this already, and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry to my future (adopted) children, but that night was the best fucking night of my life, and it will always be. I can’t even explain how I felt during that show. If you haven’t seen Coldplay live, you need to. It will change your life. That was the most “Fun” (which, they didn’t play live??) I’ve ever had in my whole life. Seeing the men that I’ve looked up to since I was a little kid… how do you even come close to explaining that?

Chris: “… I hope we’ll always come back as long as you want us to; whether it’s The Showbox or CenturyLink!”

I sincerely hope so. Chris, Jonny, Guy, Will, Phil, and the rest of the team: from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You gave me a show and a night that I will never forget. Those 15 years of waiting were certainly worth it. “See You Soon”… -PJ (AKA Clodplaye; that chick that makes fun of you in the best way possible)

PS: HIGHLIGHTS (TL;DR)

Chris didn’t fuck up during the concert

Chris said that their first show in the US was at The Showbox in Seattle (I know exactly where that is, and I freaked)

Chris sang a tribute to Chris Cornell (Soundgarden; formed in Seattle) at the end of “The Scientist” (”Black Hole Sun”)

Chris: “Pearl Jam forever. Nirvana forever. Soundgarden forever,” and also said (somewhere) at the beginning of the show that he hope(d) Coldplay would “do ‘em justice” (they did in my opinion)

“And this time, I’m gonna say, ‘JUMP’, let’s really fucking jump!!!!” ~Chris Martin

The band praising “The 12th Man” (now known as “The 12s,” actually), and how loud and amazing we were (I would know, I’ve been going to every Seahawks home game since I was 5 years old as well)

Coldplay didn’t play my request song. They played “Us Against the World” (another request from Instagram) because of the live album! Chris said: “Now listen, I know some of you are superfans, and you probably say, 'You know, they keep getting the same song requested,’” *laughs* “and you’re right, you’ve called us out! We’re making this live album, and uh… we wanna put this song on it-” *bangs tooth on microphone* “…is there a great dentist in the room? Anyway, …because we feel like we never quite got it right on record. …this evening, we’re gonna try another take… maybe with Seattle and the 12th man… with a banged up tooth, maybe we can capture the right performance tonight with all of you, that would be wonderful. Thank you for letting us keep requesting the same song.” It finally made sense, and I was nodding in agreement when Chris said the superfan part. LOL… I’m still salty that “42” wasn’t played, though…

WILL SANG “DON’T PANIC” INSTEAD OF CHRIS AND/OR JONNY

I left my icon picture on my chair (my reputation is out the window already, what the hell)

They didn’t play “Fun” live...

A PSA that I fucking died and had an out-of-body experience that night

#coldplay #fan experience #my experience #sappy post #chris martin #guy berryman #will champion #jonny buckland #long post #appreciation post #a head full of dreams tour #coldplay seattle #PS I hope there are no grammar errors or incorrect facts #I reread this like 10 times

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autistickitten · 7 years

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Long post (we added spaces and a readmore)

Hello! I didn’t know if i could submit asks or whatever this is, and i checked and it seems like this is okay! It’s a little long winded, i apologize greatly, my thoughts are just everywhere right now and i needed to get this out, thank you in advance!

When i was younger i had all the stereotypical signs of asd, i rocked, i lined toys up along with everything else in the house, i had meltdowns over seemingly innocuous things, i had sensory issues, i’d cry when i had my teeth brushed, i couldn’t eat certain foods, i cried as though it hurt when i got my nails clipped and i had to have the same cream colored pillow and fluffy white blanket with me to go to sleep.

At one point i needed nemo to be playing on my mom’s laptop, one night i woke up and it wasn’t playing. It wasn’t as though i was gonna watch it but it shook me to the core. I cried and screamed so bad i puked all over myself. My mom says she doesn’t remember that, she was there, i do.

I had similar issues growing up but they became more social. I was bullied. I’d cry. People would make fun of me and i didn’t understand. I was very different. I thought i was stupid but everyone else seemed to disagree as well. I couldn’t understand.

At the age of 7 i was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, a chronic genetic disorder that at the time was somewhat of a death sentence. My mom was told my life span was 20 years old, it was a miracle i was alive to this point without doctors knowing. I was very sick as a child as well. A common cold meant pneumonia and occasional seizures at some point.

My whole life begun to revolve around my cystic fibrosis. So many things i couldn’t do. That’s not the point though. The point is there was no room for other diagnoses. My mom wasn’t going to look into her suspicions for various reasons, my behavior wasn’t stereotypical enough i suppose, and i was already sick enough. So we focused on that instead. I wasn’t diagnosed and i continued to grow up weird and different.

By 5th grade i was put into homeschooling. This wasn’t because of the asd, but instead because my sister had finally told my mom that our step father and been abusing her ( and me unbeknownst to her yet ) , both sexually, physically, emotionally, etc. for four years since he came into our lives.

The court dates and other things such as having to deal with all the weight of it all got to me, i couldn’t go to public school anymore. I was homeschooled for 4 years. I was so terribly behind. I felt so stupid. Things i knew i should know were mysteries to me. I cried over homework almost every time. I hit myself and broke pencils and ripped paper because i was so stupid. I just didn’t know what went wrong, i was so smart. I just couldn’t understand the things i was being taught.

I’m rambling… i went into public school again before those four years, for 6th grade. I was only there for a few months before i broke down in front of my mom crying. I couldn’t handle it all. I was bullied there too. I know that wasn’t the only reason.

Skip forward and when i was around 11 years old i was talking to my mom and she mentioned the fact that she had suspected i had autism when i was younger. I asked why and she explained all my strange behaviors to me. I asked if she got me tested, she didn’t.

What i’d known of autism then was based on my cousin, whose only reason for being diagnosed i know now, being that she was nonverbal. When i was younger i had heard somewhere and reasoned that she had been dropped on a skateboard as a child and that’s why she was the way she was. This was based on the way other people described her autism near me. They weren’t kind. I thought this was strange, that my mom considered this. I brushed it under the rug. She would later deny to a specialist that she ever suspected it.

A year or more later and i started noticing my weird behavior more. I did research into autism. I may not have mentioned but i’m very good at research. As a child i’d organize alphabetically all the species of big cats and hummingbirds and different kinds of littlest pet shop. I mailed a little to the company even after writing down a list of all the animals they never made yet (a list i made after going over the dictionary so many times) and sent it them.

I did research and found i fit the bill quite perfectly. I even spoke in a monotone voice and overly formally. I had a hard time expressing emotions and my social skills were absolutely terrible. But no one could tell very well because i was very interested in human behavior and i mimicked them well. This would be a downfall later on.

I brought this up to my sister and she said it made sense. I knew shed see it that way. My mom, completely disagreed. I stayed quiet. Didn’t bring it up for quite a while. I went through many psychs. I finally asked one about a possible aspergers or asd diagnosis. She said i’m too high functioning to benefit from it and that she can tell i don’t have it just by looking at me. She said everyone is a little autistic. I stayed quite longer.

I finally asked another one years or so later. She recommended me a specialist. I was so happy. Finally i’d be validated for my struggles. I was worried of how i should act. I figured shed be able to see through my neurotypical mask. I was wrong.

My mom thought it was ridiculous that i had asked for a specialist. She asked if i’m just doing it for fun. I was very worried. I acted different and didn’t share the whole truth with the specialist and my mom definitely lied during the screening. I asked her later about all the things i thought was evidence for a diagnosis. She denied a lot of it. When asked if i ever hurt myself during these “tantrums” she said no. i specified if i ever hit or scratched myself because i vividly remember doing that and even do it today, she said “every kid does that when they have tantrums.” at one point the specialist said that schizophrenia was on the autism spectrum, this took me aback, such old beliefs i couldn’t understand how this was coming from a 20 or 30 some year old.

I still don’t know why she still thinks that. The specialist said she always worried she would pass someone autistic by as neurotypical and that they would go without a diagnosis and without help. She said she didn’t worry about that with me cause i didn’t give off that “vibe.” during the screening my mom mentioned the trauma and it’s like a switch flipped in the specialists brain, all of this was the traumas fault, i just needed to continue my depression and anxiety therapy for a few months and i’d probably be better.

I hate this all. I understand it has an effect but my trauma isn’t the root of all my causes and i hate having my real issues be passed off using that as a reason. The shit i went through doesn’t explain every bit of evidence that was present before the matter, of course she never really addressed that. i was devastated. I hated myself. I thought i’d lost my last chance at a diagnosis and it was all my fault. I went home and had a meltdown.

I questioned myself and all of my research. I talked to my counselor about this and she said i should ask for a reevaluation. I did eventually. I will be having a call with the specialist soon and i’m scared. I’m scared because she is the only specialist in my area and i will sound like i’m shopping for a diagnosis to her. I’m so scared.

I’m sorry this was so long winded, i just needed to get this out here. If possible, could someone give me some advice please? It doesn’t matter what, just any? Thank you so very much. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

This is the Sad Kitty submission. I forgot to put that I am afab and that it doesn’t seem like the specialist had any experience in diagnosing and identifying “female traits” of autism. Sorry to bother

Will the reevaluation be with the same person ? That specialist seems to hold quite a few outdated beliefs, but still, it can’t hurt to try ! Here’s a few suggestions:

We always advise to print out the DSM criteria, which you can find a bit below in our posts, and annotate it with the traits you show, with specific exemples if you can. Writing out a bit about your life can also be helpful. (Or even just printing this ask out would work !) If your mom isn’t cooperative, maybe bring your sister instead ?

And just answer the questions truthfully, without exaggerating or underplaying your traits.

It’s possible that you aren’t autistic, but a person that goes for an autism diagnosis is never neurotypical, so I hope if it’s not autism (or if you have something in addition to autism, like me) the specialist figures out what it is so you can get the proper supports ! :)

Good luck !

- Sister Cat

And if you get an answer you weren’t expecting, whether that’s no diagnosis or a different diagnosis, demand an explanation and demand help! Remember, a psych’s job doesn’t end at diagnosis, it starts there, so no matter what answers you get, make sure they’re doing their job and giving you the help you need.

-Brother Cat

#Autism #Aspergers #Story #submission #long post #abuse cw

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