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flanpucci · 5 months

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An ASD oriented analysis of the character of Enrico Pucci

Okay guys after letting this draft cook in my notes for months, here it is!!!

I have decided to embark on the journey of listing the reasons why I think Pucci is autistic coded and if he isn’t, he’s written with a pretty good idea of what an autistic person is! Since I'm pinning this, the analysis will be under the cut ↓

I can’t guarantee that my analysis won’t come with a whole lot of general delusion or projecting on my side, so don't hesitate to tell me if you feel some type of way about this. I understand that many of the traits or behaviors i’m gonna talk about are mostly explained by the events happening in canon, but they give him a general super autistic vibe. Disclaimer that I’ve also decided to ignore most acts of murder type violence for this analysis as I think those are more relevant in the context of the story than the character building.

Although not on purpose this analysis is organized almost like diagnosis criteria, so we're going to look into repetitive behavior and interests, communication, aversion to unpredictability and sensory processing etc...! Before we start, I'd like to say once more that I am autistic, my analysis is mine and reflects my opinion only, it's my headcanon and comes with a lot of projecting, so proceed with caution.

Anxiety and counting prime numbers, Repetitive behavior

Counting numbers is a well known technique to stop panic attacks. The reason is that when you panic, your brain’s logical part doesn’t activate. Counting numbers will help you get the logical part of your brain back ‘on’. Simply counting numbers in order or in a simple pattern is too natural, and may not work, so some people will count numbers backwards from 100, count numbers in a non-patterned, random way, or even count prime numbers.

In Pucci’s case he counts primes because they can’t be divided other than by 1 or themselves and are “lonely numbers”. The prime numbers remind him of his own loneliness against adversity, and give him courage. I don’t think a lot of neurotypical people feel personal closeness to something unemotional like a mathematical concept, but I might be wrong. I think what’s interesting to note is that prime numbers are a fixed series of numbers, never changing, offering a great deal of familiarity in repeating them (and also by doing so out loud, in the sound of repeating them). He has also memorized them up to the hundreds, (maybe even thousands iirc?), which shows he has an amazing memory skill, but also that he’s probably counted them a LOT. (Funny anecdote, Oliver Sacks mentions in one of his psychology books a pair of autistic twins that would figure out prime numbers together, and use it as means of communicating and bonding. They were able to produce huge prime numbers without a table!)

It is just something I wanted to point out, but I think it’s funny that a priest wouldn’t recite prayers as a calming mantra, but something very cartesian like mathematics. This furthers the idea that he has a lot of interest and finds a peculiar comfort and understanding of the world in science.

Oh and I think resetting the entire universe for everyone to gain precognition of events COULD be considered as a liking for repetitive things… ! /j

His interests and the random trivia at unexpected times

Pucci seems to be a man of many interests but primarily these are science (especially biology, animals, maths/geometry and physics), Dio’s plan/heaven, christianism, art (paintings). At least that’s what I got from the manga. There aren’t a lot of characters for which you can easily lay out the interests in that manner. The reason for that is that he talks about those all the time! And he always uses metaphors related to what he knows about to explain the world, his intentions, or situations.

• The corridor scene where he meets Jolyne, it’s not like it’s random or out of the blue, but it feels a bit peculiar to bring up this subject in this manner, and Jolyne seems dumbfounded at what he said to her.

• When handcuffed to Jolyne, he starts explaining about the swallows that are prone to accidents to make a parallel between the birds and her own situation.

• References both a politician’s use of subliminal sex and a painting (the “Domine Quo Vadis”) in a dramatic moment where he’s literally ending his brother’s life.

• Seems to be particularly interested in art as shown by the book he was reading when he met Dio (about Fra Filippo Lippi, a painter) and the conversations he has with Dio (once again using art as a metaphor to understand other concepts such as stands, and souls.).

• Of course bringing up the subject of the man eating a mushroom for the first time at the most unstable point of the battle against Jolyne, feels very out of the blue, (but not out of context.)

• When talking to Miraschon, he does a whole bunch of inappropriated stuff lol, doesn’t pay attention to what she says, and starts talking about his own interests/ideas.

This happens again when talking to Donatello Versace, where he's bouncing off questions, not acknowledging the answer right away and coming back to it a little bit later. His train of thought seems to come first, and his communication is not centered around making the other feel like they've been listened to.

Overall he often makes a great point, but sometimes it feels like the context is lacking, like he has had many thoughts before saying the things he says, but we don’t get to hear them, so the conversation topics are a bit unnatural. Plus he generally has a very self-important way to talk and explain things.

Other than that I think his exceptional focus on the same goal and obsessive idea of fate, from childhood and up into late adulthood can be the sign of a truly one track mind, which can be often found in ASD. Could also be noted that a lot of his behavior and actions is copied/referencing Dio, which could be because of Dio’s literal influence (being absorbed by green baby), or an overall tendency to use direct references in speech/behavior.

Self importance and the desire of previsibility

As I just mentioned a little while ago, the Miraschon scene is a scene where he’s info dumping her for at least three pages, on two different subjects, but also not paying attention at what she’s saying. This is not very nice behavior, but it’s very frequent in autistic people too. Being centered on one’s self, and unable to put yourself in another person’s shoes is very characteristic of ASD.

Pucci’s motivation and his ideal of heaven makes a lot of sense from an autistic viewpoint for a number of reasons. The first one being the discomfort caused by the unknown, or at least the fact that he thinks the world would be a better place without unknown events. The desire to know everything in advance and be able to have the time to be prepared for it will resonate with a lot of autistic people, because our brains have so much trouble adjusting to unknown outcomes and situations. I can’t explain it much better, it’s just wiring.

Second reason is Pucci’s overall sense of self importance throughout the part. There are many situations in which he will put himself first, expecting better treatment, straight up explaining that he’s different than other people.

The frog scene is interesting because he tries to weigh logically why his situation is objectively worse than the guard’s, without acknowledging the slightest the guard’s panic when assessing such a stressful situation.

(Pucci thinks the guard takes decision based on logic and not panic, gets frustrated that the guard isn't calm and rational.)

His inability to see things from outside his viewpoint is ultimately what will lead him to try to push his own ideal onto the whole world, always sure inside himself that he’s doing that out of altruism and for the greater good. Of course I think there is a slight disconnect from his inner emotions about what has led him to this point. But for me, this is the truest sign of being unable to understand that other people might see things any other way than he does, but he’s just sure that people don’t understand that it’s for their own good. In a way, his self-centeredness is mostly intellectual and not of intentions. This is something that is often present in people with ASD, because of a lack of (or misplaced/altered) cognitive empathy. People with ASD can have trouble mentalizing other people’s emotions or point of view. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care, don’t respect it, or can’t show support, but they just can’t really understand that another person has another mental space.

Cognitive empathy is described as such :

Identifying and labeling the emotions, connecting feeling to cause, and reading the thoughts and perspective of others. Ability to read nonverbal communication and social context. Ability to read the mental experiences of others.

Pucci will often justify his lack of mind theory by « you just can’t understand it. » : from his view point, being opposed by other people is not due to divergence of opinion (which would mean to accept that other people understand the situation but are in a different mindset), but due to lack of intellectual comprehension. This is why even though very intelligent, it can seem like he’s confused.

Young Pucci and the scenes with Dio

An important thing to note about young Pucci is his inability to break the rule that priests can’t talk about what has been said in confession. He’s not even a priest at that time and the confession was forced on him. These are perfectly good excuses to break the rule, or at least bend it a little, to confront the Weather and then Weather/Perla situation. Hesitation or inability to break the rules, irreasonable attachment to morals and taking irrational decisions because of those despite having great intelligence is a trait that can be found in a lot of autistic people. However, we see that he’s flexible enough to permit that Dio stays in the church basement until the sun sets. In my opinion, he’s quick to give his trust to such a suspicious person as Dio, even when Dio hints that he might be lying. This could be the sign of a little bit of naivety but it's still pretty much normal at a young age.

In the chapters with Dio, we can extract quite a lot of information on Pucci’s communication because it’s the almost only scenes where he’s not in scheming mode, in a pinch, or fighting. Pucci has a very different reaction to meeting Dio, even at a young age, compared to how Avdol or the hunchmen describe their reaction to Dio for example. He’s not shocked or in awe, but not hostile either, which is unusual. Even when he talks about Dio in narration, he has a detached way of calling him beautiful and mysterious, which shows it’s obviously how he feels even though he stays calm at all times in front of Dio, even in dangerous situations.

Dio makes numerous observations about Pucci’s behavior, expression and communication. He seems relaxed and expressive, very different from the rest of what we see of him.

(Pucci 'making a face.')

Another important thing to note is the unusual way he communicates his love to Dio, using very profound words, with a lot of sincerity, without flinching. This genuine confession of a difficult emotion to confess even sets Dio aback.

(Probably having the most fun he’s had in his life here, and is that a smile!?)

Also, parallel play!! They’re shown having bonded profoundly, at the point of hanging out in bed together, but apart from chatting, they don’t really do things together like for example Hermes and Jolyne throw the ball with F.F., they’re doing stuff next to each other (Pucci watches Dio build his boat, and they read lying next to each other.).

(generally also seems kinda bad at picking up subtext)

Two words on sensory perception

(Pucci wondering about how pretty the green baby is, he really wants to know if it's not ugly fr.)

About sensory perception, it’s actually one of the first things I noted when watching the anime especially, he’s very curious about the green baby, and talks to F.F. about it, but as he says himself, he can’t get the “feeling” from a memory disc, and he wants to know how the green baby feels in a sensory kind of way. (Is it soft? is it beautiful?). Of course the many scenes where he purposely mutilates himself without even flinching could indicate that he has a very low perception of physical pain. Both these traits would indicate a very peculiar kind of sensory relationship to the world.

In this scene with Donatello he does state that he has an acute sense of taste, in response to Donatello describing with great precision ingredients in a dish.

(Having a little solo party and dropping trivia again.)

He also seems to feel the music strongly, even though the scene is meant to be comedic, he’s really into it and seems to have some sensory associations (visual/auditory) (also trivia dumping).

Although not directly a sign, the way he asks Dona to test his food because of allergy may also remind of many autistic people who have food allergies and aversions and get people to test food for them before eating.

Body language and facial expression

Pucci has a very specific kind of body posture, especially in the wrists, they’re always limp or twisted in some kind of way, similar to what autistic people might call “T-rex arms”. Araki is very talented at showing detail about characters in the strictly visual part of his drawings, so I think that’s important to note. In terms of facial expression, apart from with Dio, he seems pretty stoic and stern in most situations where he’s not under a lot of stress, almost never laughs or smiles, even in power high situations where other villains usually at least evil laugh for a couple seconds .

(Cute snapped wrist picture collection.)

End note about Weather Report

I just wanted to add a quick word on Weather. Weather Report without his memory disc is also extremely autistic coded. Walking on tip toes, talking in a very low volume not respecting personal space, when he is introduced, he seems super autistic. The reason is the lack of memory disc and consequences of being hung, but I personally think this adds to the overall neurodivergent feel of the manga. I’m also not sure of how much of his backstory was planned at first, and if or not Araki had planned his behavior because of his backstory or not at the point of his introduction scene :3

And there we have it!! I tried not to be too lengthy so I hope you understand my point. I don't think I've seen him being analyzed/hc as autistic a lot, especially compared to characters like Jotaro, but I think he shares some similarities with Kakyoin who is very ND coded too! I would also like to point out that I don't think Araki purposely created a character that reads as autistic, but that he has a very realistic vision of personalities and identities that can lead to this kind of analysis. Also, fun note, Pucci is often typed as INFJ/INTJ and these are prominent personality types in autistic people :3. Anyways, hope you enjoyed, feel free to share your reactions, I'd be glad to hear your thoughts.

NB:

I felt like adding a few to this post so here it is. I would like to say that I think overall Pucci is the most multifaceted, complex character in the series, he has often been described as such, and that’s what makes him the exceptional last boss of the first Jojo era. Many people have had trouble understanding him and Made in Heaven, as can be seen by the numerous amounts of questions on the internet « what did Pucci want to do? » « what is Made in Heaven? » etc. Araki himself said it was very tiring writing such a nuanced villain. I think many of Pucci’s actions and behavior can be attributed to elements in the story narrative, his almost impossible circumstances, and I don’t want to oversimplify, or kick him into a box that might not have been intended at all by Araki. I would also like to add that ASD is a spectrum and one may or may not relate with every trait exposed here, or may find others that I haven’t listed. And it’s always a bit hard categorizing villains as ND because of their reprehensible actions. However I think he is nuanced enough to be considered good rep anyway. But maybe that’s just me fangirling a little too much. In any case, I hope you enjoyed.

Flan, out!!

#pucci #enrico pucci #analysis #jjba #stone ocean #jojo’s bizarre adventure #idk really #autism #autism awareness month

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oquinn53 · 3 years

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BNHA THEORY RAMBLING WITH SPOILERS

Okay so second bnha rambling with theories because I can’t think straight so I think of bnha! Specifically Deku.

Specifically, Deku’s endgame. There are so many theories out there and I just.... think about Deku specifically a lot. I mean he’s the protagonist and everything and I love him and a common theory that I actually do kinda think about a lot is Deku losing OFA. But I don’t think he’ll end quirkless. I think a lot of things need to happen but let’s start with me rambling about Deku’s characterization, how it can all be wrapped up in this:

Deku has PTSD. (This part is LONG and talks about masochism and mentions suicide and all that. Other points are shorter!) And I don’t mean post war arc or even post Bakugo’s kidnapping, if we want to go that far back. Deku has PTSD from the VERY start. This kid is a walking mental illness. Sources? Hi, I’m a Civilian With PTSD and I saw Deku at the beginning and I watched Deku’s horrible mental health deteriorate EVEN MORE than it started off as. This is really important to me, to state that he has it from the beginning, because I believe in the character growth and development. I might be talking out my ass but it’s fun so. Why do I say he starts out from it? Let’s look at symptoms.

A) hyperfixation, my old friend. Deku fixated hardcore on All Might and Heros in general. But he fixated specifically on All Might and he gets EMBARRASSED about it a lot. (Funny enough, the embarrassment of it is also a symptom of ADHD but I’m not as well versed in that). Hyperfixation is a very very common coping method.

B) His anxiety. Kinda self explanatory here. He’s a bully victim. He also has been literally classified as LESS. Quirkless. But also defenseless. Useless. We’ve heard that, his anxiety is there but it’s because of what DEFINES him. His self identity was born from what everyone else tells him. He’s a determined boy, but his sense of self is only wrapped up in what other people think—or specifically, what All Might thinks. Which blends a bit with...

C) A loss sense of identity. I talked about this a little bit he last part but Deku’s goal to become a hero is so tied to All Might that even when he gains the quirk, he has to have it beaten into him with warning of losing the use f his arms for him to realize he’s NOT All Might. But that’s still what he sees, even when he switches to using his legs more. He has no idea who he is. He just copies. He copies Bakugo’s moves again and again. And while it’s cool to see all the parallels and growth of Deku learning from others, there is a message of “making it his own” when Deku copies others again and again because he has no idea who HE is. He analyses like crazy because figuring out how other people do things is the only way he can figure out how HE can do things. Also, the whole language change because his image of victory is Bakugo? Literally his speech pattern isn’t his own, his every day one matching his mother’s.

D) repressed and heavily released emotion. He’s 0 or 100, both when he gets OFA and with his emotions. I mean. Feral!Deku. Do I need to say more? Yes, because I was to drive home how not okay Deku is from the very beginning. Boy cleans the beach and screams bloody murder. He has no idea what emotion to have and needs to let it out. Doesn’t matter he just did a shit ton of physical release, he has so much emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with. Just like Bakugo’s anger, Deku’s emotion usually comes out as his tears. Boy cries a lot but sometimes tears aren’t enough and Deku screams a LOT. Even his own excitement bursts out in bigger ways, with his mumbling and fact dropping (god, also slightly autistic coded maybe? Blurred lines with ADHD there, it again, not my area of expertise)

E) black and white thinking. He’s young, so that explains some of this but just like I mentioned above with the 0 or 100, he represents the mindset of civilians. He literally blinds himself at the very start to even what’s happening to HIMSELF. He sees hero and he sees villian and those are his two categories. Bakugo literally tells him to kill himself and Deku thinks about how that would negatively affect Bakugo. He doesn’t and never does see Bakugo as a villian for this. He sees “wow that wouldn’t be good for his Hero image” and because Deku sees Bakugo as a hero, everything has to fit into that. And while Deku has huge growth with this next part, he also originally viewed villains as just villains. He learned a LOT and while the society’s image becomes less black and white for him (because the whole manga revolves around the gray morality of it all) he still doesn’t see much gray area. It’s win or lose. With the sports festival, he literally won the race without his quirk. He got through the Calvary battle despite being a giant ass target. He placed in the top 8 (which he probably would have gotten higher on if his goal didn’t change) and despite accomplishing his goal with Todoroki, he broke down about not doing what All Might asked him despite gaining permanent scarring and a hell of a warning re his arms. But to point back at the beginning, this is reinforced with his entrance exam. Passing the written exam meant NOTHING because he did “””nothing””” in the practical.

F) last point, Deku’s a masochist. Obviously with the broken bones and things but I’m not even just talking about the physical damage he does to himself—which is, what, 95% of the time what he gets most of his wounds from? Anyway—I’m talking about his mindset. Masochism isn’t just the physical act of causing pain. It’s that mindset of deserving pain. The reasoning doesn’t matter. Deku only “betters” himself for the sake of giving more to others. He trains so hard, not for himself, but for others. On the outside it might seems like his goal of becoming a hero is his own but he sacrifices his body and dives into situations where he’s literally been warned he’s going to die and he just does it anyway. Eri’s Arc and him “changing the future” is what I’m referring to here and you could say “well he DID say he would change that future!” And okay, sure, but he was told Sir is never wrong. But he would rather rush into that future where he dies than take even a moment to think through his actions. But anyway, my point is him at the beginning so I specifically mean the training montage. Where he was ALREADY on a tough schedule that he knew would be difficult and he literally adjusted it and added MORE. Because, to circle back to other points because mental illness always overlaps points, he can only think of himself as 0 or 100, black and white, Able To Save or Failure. If he can’t be at 100 then he believes he deserves pain and causes it to himself. The only time he regrets his injuries is when it prevents him from giving MORE of himself to others. He learns his shoot style not because he doesn’t want to hurt himself but because he doesn’t want to become useless to others. He trains and loses sleep and puts his body through hell because he thinks of himself only as something for others. (I think wanting to save Shigaraki is a powerful moment not because it’s Pure Boy Deku but because it’a his own thinking, his OWN want, but.... it’s still not for him and will still cause him pain). And a last point on this, Heros Rising showed us that Deku is willing to give up his quirk and his dream to win and it showed us that while he believed he didn’t have any other choice, he was deeply disappointed in himself. Winning wasn’t enough. Hurting himself THAT MUCH wasn’t enough. He let All Migjt down and giving up his dreams, almost dying, becoming quirkless, all wasn’t enough to counteract the shame he held. Like god. Baby.

Other small observations or relevant commentary:

1) The doctor who told Deku he was quirkless is the same doctor who worked on Shigaraki. Same doctor who can perseve dead bodies. Same doctor who worked with AFO and all that. (See? Short! Will be relevant soon)

2) One for All is tied to All for One. OFA was literally created the moment a hand reached out to help. Can one even exist without the other?

3) Bakugo needs to apologize. Horikoshi has literally said in an interview post Heros Rising that Bakugo needs to apologize. Sacrificing his life to save Deku is NOT how you apologize to Deku. Deku will ask for a receipt on this type of apology. Return to sender. Unacceptable. So. Bakugo needs to apologize.

4) Deku’s dad isn’t in the picture yet. Hasn’t even been spoken of except for the fact we know his quirk is fire breathing and his name is Hisashi. Oh and he’s abroad. Oh and Horikoshi said he’ll be in the picture at some point. Given we’re in the final arc......... this might not be relevant at all to my theory because I have mixed thoughts on AFO being Deku’s dad but it would connect a few things in the theory.

SO. Finally, all of this together had me thinking about Deku’s characterization and what this (now with COMBAT related ptsd and not just civilian ptsd) means for his ending.

Like I said, I think he’s going to lose OFA. And I originally didn’t think so because Heros Rising showed his losing it and why would they do that again? The movie is canon. Horikoshi himself said so and was a huge part of the production of it. So they did that and wouldn’t do it again. Except.... Deku GAVE OFA away. Which is significant because it was his choice. And he had shame and we witnessed how much that hurt him, but we haven’t seen what’s now been tried TWICE: OFA being forcibly taken from him. Maybe by Shigaraki, since that is building up big time. But maybe by saving Shigaraki.

Either way, what’s more significant to me than how he has it taken is what that means for him, based on everything else above: he would lose his entire self identity. He would literally have no idea who he is anymore except for the only reference he’s ever had, which his from when he was quirkless. He gained friends only after he had a quirk. Every bond he has is tied to him being a hero and he was told it was impossible for him to be a hero without a quirk. Even All Might’s adjusted answer to him at the beginning involved giving him a quirk as the answer for him being able to become a hero.

I think this is the absolute perfect chance for Bakugo to say “since when did you need a quirk to be a hero”. And it doesn’t matter much what the context is, what causes Deku to still need to be a hero (whether a Situation or just an identity crisis) and I think about Quirkless Deku as a hero a lot, since that’s how he was originally written in the one shot before he was revamped for bnha.

But I don’t think Deku will end quirkless either because of who his doctor was. I think Deku had a quirk. I think the doctor stole it. Whether that’s because AFO is Deku’s dad and saw his quirk and knew he had to take it for some reason or whether it was independent and the doctor saw it and took it. The whole toe thing can be written off so easily that Deku could easily have had a quirk at some point.

And maybe, if AFO and OFA are cancelled out, the quirks that were stolen go back to their original owners. Meaning Deku gets his ORIGINAL quirk back.

As in, Deku gets his own identity.

And what would that quirk be? Hm. I don’t know. But. His mom can move small objects. His dad can breath fire. A mutation, maybe? I’ll leave that one up in the air.

And there are a lot of implications here that this could mean for him, as far as healing. And I just want him to be happy.

#bnha spoilers #bnha theory #bnha ramblings #Deku #character analysis #tw masochist #Deku has ptsd and no one can convince me otherwise

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thistangledbrain · 3 years

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Deliberately lumping 17 & 18 together this time, because 17 isn’t that big of an entry.

Day 17 - “Accommodations”

So from a *personal* standpoint, I need few or no accommodations, as I’ve learned to make my own & have my own coping skills - when you spend most of your life not even knowing you’re autistic, you’re less likely to ask for something to help you with “your weird hangups”.

But younger auties often DO need accommodations- like being allowed to wear headphones/muffs in school, having a quieter testing environment, smaller classes, and so on. And obviously, the more you struggle with certain aspects (like loud noises or crowds), the more accommodations you’ll need.

I admit I don’t have much experience with the kids who truly need the total SPED environments. *Most* (definitely not all) kids I’ve known have all been capable to a degree of adapting to a NT environment. It’s *exhausting*, but possible *most of the time*. So since I’m a child of “suck it UP!”, I’m unfamiliar with this outside of simple accommodations I asked for, for my youngest, when he was in his earlier HS years - like headphones being allowed, and letting him keep his cell phone on him so he could quietly text with me if he was having a rough day & we could walk through it together. As he’s progressed through high school, he’s needed these accommodations less and less. I’ve noticed as my boys have edged through puberty, they leave more and more of their younger struggles behind them.

Your results may vary, of course.

———————————————

Day 18 - “Someday”

Hm. Boy, that’s ambiguous. Maybe I’ll take this one on from a couple different angles.

Someday I hope NTs understand autism better. Someday I hope each autistic person can be judged on their OWN PERSONAL strengths and weaknesses, like NTs are, instead of lumping us all together and deciding we can or can’t do something, based on the fact we’re autistic. For example, I know *plenty* of autistic musicians who play in bands ranging from death metal & punk rock, to smooth jazz. “But I thought autistic people couldn’t handle loud sounds!!”, you exclaim. Yeah, and some of us can. Also, not all loud sounds are created equal. Or sounds in general. A good example for me is, I occasionally jump and let out a little scream when the toast pops up 🙄, but I don’t flinch at the sound of gunfire - because I love to target shoot (I do not hunt), and it’s something I’m really good at, so I enjoy it thoroughly. (I’m not going to get started on America’s gun violence problem because it enrages me. I can rant about that allllll day & already deleted two paragraphs doing just that. This was just a convenient example.)

I’ve been thinking about this a LOT lately, actually. We have our own hurdles, without NTs adding to them, anyway. But I think about “what if I knew I was autistic, before I joined the Marines? Would I still have been as determined?” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT...BUT I would have hit a brick wall, because they wouldn’t have let me (if I was honest about it, anyway - I’m telling you right now, if every applicant was 100% honest about their background, almost NO ONE would be accepted). So what happened? Well - I was a damned good Marine, that’s what happened - because I didn’t let *anybody* tell me I couldn’t do something. And as I mentioned before...for certain types of auties, the military is actually a pretty fucking brilliant, comfortable environment that we literally thrive in. Again - we are all different. So this “someday” one is BIG for me. Someday I hope we are judged individually on our merits, someday I hope we are looked at through the lens of what we CAN do, versus what *someone else* thinks we cannot do. I have YET to meet an Autie who doesn’t go “OH YEAH?!” when we’re told we “can’t” do something because of our autism. (We might not always succeed, granted, but we really hate being told we “can’t” do something, based on what YOU think we can and cannot do.)

Someday I hope autism is actually celebrated, instead of thinking it’s some sort of scourge. I hope to see that happen in my lifetime.

Someday I also hope that people (the doctors and psych folks and whatever) realize there’s actually a *considerable* difference between male and female autistics - which is why females are so often diagnosed late in life, because we “don’t fit the profile”. I also hope they realize that some females are more like males, and some males more like females, as far as the expression of our ASD. In other words - back to HOW ABOUT YOU EVALUATE US INDIVIDUALLY, FFS. I hear all this shit about how “autism is a spectrum”, and it just seems like lip service - if you KNOW it’s a spectrum, then why are you still trying to pigeonhole us into the DSM-5 definition or whatever, and operating inside generic parameters?? Auties are the most complex human beings you will ever meet in your life - and I stand FIRMLY by that - so your attempts to shoehorn us into your basic understanding of it is frustrating as FUCK. Infuriating, even. No wonder we fight you so bad when you try it. How would YOU like it if we decided that every middle class blonde woman is a “Karen”, and treated you as such? Or if we decided everyone with brown eyes are slow and we should treat all of you brown eyed people the same, like infants? You’d be like, “what the FUCK?” Yeah. It’s a lot like that.

Someday, I hope more therapists understand the autistic brain better, so they can be more helpful. Sometimes the same advice you’d give a NT patient struggling with an issue (let’s say, the death of a loved one or executive function) just won’t ...WORK...for an Autie. As it stands now, most therapists I’ve known go straight to ABA, and that gets frustrating when you just need to let it all out so you can re-center and actually have a discussion. Speaking of ABA, someday I hope teachers and doctors and therapists understand the resentment and feelings of being “wrong” or “bad” that result from ABA. SOME of it is necessary I think, but mostly, all it does is teach repression & lets us know loud and clear that the way we are is “wrong”. I desperately hope ABA is reevaluated - with the input from ACTUAL AUTISTICS. Using ABA for to overcome a problem like, say, potty training or something, is often seriously necessary. But potty training isn’t part of *who we are*, if that makes sense. Most ABA is basically like putting your Autie kid in a dog training bootcamp, with little to no thought about “what makes that kid tick”. It’s all about training you to act in a way that NTs find acceptable (and I have lots and lots of cuss words about that........) I don’t even train DOGS like some schools or therapists train auties. Dogs aren’t beings to dominate, control, and condition to act in ways I find pleasing (but I’m also not a “general trainer”...I’m on the behavior side of things). They’re sentient beings who deserve to have their personalities discovered, their traumas and their hangups, and THEN we work inside THAT dog’s parameters until we’re solid...*then* we start working on pushing them outside of comfort zones and such. AFTER that trust and understanding has been laid down as a solid foundation, for *that specific dog*, regardless of my experience with past dogs (though I do rely heavily on past experiences of course; knowledge of what did and didn’t work with some other dog similar to the one I have now - that sort of thing - but every dog is a whole new being to me...because, well, they actually *are*). Nothing is “cookie cutter”. Every dog is a brand new exploration. I understand that’s putting a lot of pressure on SPED teachers. I understand they’re baffled when I tell them ABA sucks as a because they see “positive results”. Sure - you see positive results in your ability to repress that child. Positive results in the fact that they’ve now learned to hide themselves from you and others. It seems the current ABA methods don’t necessarily teach any sort of useful skills for actually adapting to the flow of the NT world for that kid - just how to repress who they are, so they fit in. In other words - ABA is successful for the NT world - not us. It actually depresses the shit out of me to think about how teachers and counselors view the rocking and flapping kid they’ve now trained to sit quietly in class feels like their work is successful. You didn’t help that kid - you BROKE them, you broke their spirit, you broke who they are. That makes me so angry. Same when these so called “star trainers” can force or intimidate any dog to performative good behavior. Same as the difference between how native Americans train their horses versus how Anglo Saxons or others did/do. In the native culture, we call it “gentling”. In AS culture *it is LITERALLY called “breaking”*. I’m not kidding - look it up.)

As for my personal “someday”....

Someday I’ll write a book about my adventures & struggles in life and what it was like inside my brain through each one. It’s not that I think I’m anything special, but I’ve been asked to do this, and the reasons were pretty logical. And I do love to write, usually. Or maybe it’ll be a book about how my autism is a HUGE advantage in “my line of work” (the dog thing...being sort of more of a dog/human “guidance counselor” than a trainer - since I hear your voice and feelings, and I also hear your dog’s, I’m less of a trainer and more of a bridge between the two. An interpreter, but also almost like a marriage counselor too LOL). I think that’s my biggest “someday” and the only one worth mentioning, because it’s such a huge goal...most of my other personal “someday” stuff, I eventually kinda go “well fucking why not TODAY, bish?!” and I just...DO it.

But generally, someday I hope it’s understood that no two autistic people are alike - but we share enough commonality that it’s possible to understand we’re basically in a different category of people from “normal”. Someday I hope NTs in general drop their stereotypes and get to know us one on one. Someday I hope people realize and understand that even nonverbals are whole ass human beings, with thoughts and dreams and opinions and a whole complex personality that you missed, because you were too busy judging the fact they can’t speak like you do.

Someday I hope you realize we *enhance* the human experience, we don’t detract from it. Someday I hope you realize we are not BROKEN, we are just different. Someday I wish you’ll stop being so smug and stuck up in your “normally functioning brain”, and stop PITYING us. For fucking what??? Experiencing life in a much more complex and deep way?? Bruh. We pity YOU, too. Your world perception often seems dull and wasteful. Limited. OPEN UP - there’s a whole universe out there that you haven’t even explored. So, someday I hope we can enhance each other’s human experience, like my friends and I do. I’d love to see that on a larger scale.

Someday.

#asd #autism #autistic #acceptance #awareness #actuallyautistic

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queenofthefaces · 4 years

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kyle for the character thing!!!!

Buckle up bc I’m extra af and love talking abt characters. Be aware this is like, entirely personal opinion and personal interpretation and also it’s almost 2am so LETS GO

1) sexuality hc: I’ve always really liked bi Kyle ahsjdkfk and tbh I’ve always found the idea of his attraction to other ppl really interesting

The way I characterize him is that he’s someone who’s like, typically very passive with his attraction. He’ll kind of glance at someone and think they’re attractive but he doesn’t necessarily have any strong feelings towards them or desire/drive to want to pursue anything with them. If he does want to pursue them it’s usually out of a sense of obligation or expectation—like a “well I might as well” or “this is what I’m supposed to do” kinda thing

Except Kyle DOES have exceptions—when he finds someone he feels passionately about, someone he’s emotionally and mentally invested in, it’s like 0-100 in terms of difference, bc suddenly he can’t stop thinking abt that person, how much he wants to be with them, etc. and a lot of that characterization, for me, falls in line w the specific ship I have for Kyle (which is obvious if you’ve followed me for a few but I’ll get Into That in the next section)

2) OTP: KYMAN by far my fave Kyle ship and one of my all time fave sp ships overall. I’ve always LOVED rivals/enemies to lovers ships that specifically have 1) characters who are equals 2) characters who are incredibly intimate and close w one another even if (or because of) it’s in the context of the rivalry 3) the characters have either some level of co-dependence or a need for the dynamic or one another in some way bc the relationship is fulfilling to them and bonus if 4) they’re the only ones that really understand each other

And I jus. Love that. Esp w kyman it’s so much fun taking that dynamic, the codependency and obsession, and just. Playing with it, on a storytelling/character analysis level. And then making it healthy, having them work through issues, bc the idea that “we’re both in way too deep with each other, we can either destroy each other or learn to get along” is jus 👌👌👌

And w kyman I love having Eric be Kyle’s exception. Kyle feels basically nothing towards his other s/o’s in contrast to how deeply he feels about Eric, and for Eric to have just as much depth of emotion in return. It’s fascinating and really fun esp when written from a kind of duo-redemptive story—they both start out toxic towards each other, and their relationship is toxic to other people, but they can’t bring themselves to put an end to it so they finally make it to that middle ground and come out as better peoole, together

This applies to a lot of my rivals/enemies to lovers ships but w kyman in particular there’s the added Funkiness of the childhood friends dynamic which is TASTEY like some nice sprinkles to jus add that extra Flavour. I love the concept of Kyle and Eric forming parts of their entire identities around each other from the time they were in diapers and everyone accepts that they’re always gonna he crazy for each other bc no one has the bond they do it’s so much fun

4) brotp: I should think more abt Kyle friendships tbh I don’t give those as much attention ahsjdkfkfk—tho I definitely have a soft spot for the super best friends kyle + Stan, I just have to work some development into it.

I love exploring their friendship as smth that deteriorates bc they grow apart as people, but then they realize they don’t WANT to grow apart and have to work to stay friends bc being friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were 8. It brings this really cool development that confronts Stan’s passivity towards his friends/his nihilism and Kyle’s entitlement and lack of emotional sensitivity and how they both need to make some compromises (but esp Kyle, bc I can see Stan as someone who tries very hard to not get much feedback).

In terms of Kyle being friends w other people I’m thinking it would be pretty situational. I can see Kyle getting some really eye opening perspectives from other ppl if he opens himself up to their views but that requires knocking Kyle down a few pegs lol, it’s fun to have him learn to recognize his own assumptions abt ppl and learning to value them as individuals yanno?

3) notp: honestly? Any other kyle ship. I can personally only see Kyle w Eric ahsjdkfk kyman endgame all the way. For me, a lot of other Kyle ships like, don’t make any sense, a lot in part bc I see Kyle as someone who has a lot of issues w socialization, entitlement, and selfishness along with his UNENDING OBSESSION w Eric Cartman (which also somewhat stems from those issues bc of Kyle’s sense of self identity vis a vis the rivalry)

Like, I can’t see Kyle sitting down and forming a meaningful romantic relationship w anyone else bc like, no one can provide the fulfillment, engagement, drive, and push/pull of Kyle’s relationship w Eric. Kyle would leave at the drop of a hat to confront smth Eric was doing and I don’t think he’d ever compromise with that. And someone who does compromise on that probably isn’t someone Kyle would want to be with in the long run.

I think the only ship I can see would be like, poly m4 bc that draws on pre-existing dynamics and doesn’t break or try to divy up Kyle’s attention. (Even tho like I said I don’t like Kyle w anyone else romantically)

5) 1st hc that pops in my head: my Kyle is autistic as fuck. Characterizing him as autistic gives a lot of insight into how his mind works and why he acts the way he does—a lot of his thought processes are just. What makes the most logical sense to him. It’s just that those trains of thought are on KYLES logic and that’s when he struggles to realize when he’s crossed a line or overstepped a boundary. Or how his brain is usually always “self-centered”—not in a morally negative way, just in that it’s not a natural reflect for him to remember other people.

And a ton of other things as well( including a fun hc of Kyle trying to use his autism as an excuse for being a dick, until Also Autistic Craig steps up like, no dude you’re just an asshole bc you’re not trying to do better). And bc as an autistic person, I really relate hard to Kyle to the point where if he were real I’d probably hate him bc we’d be too similar lmao; I think esp when I was a kid I acted a lot like Kyle—the self righteousness, the bossiness, the belief that my way was the only way that made sense and everyone else was just Wrong, the anger issues, etc.

It’s why I’m tough on Kyle a lot of the time, but it’s also why I love thinking abt his development, bc I know firsthand that he can mellow out, change, become a better, more wellrounded and emotionally aware person, and how he can make an effort into doing so

6) oh shit I didn’t even mean for this but obviously one way I relate to Kyle is the Above autistic hc and how I characterize him. Like I said, I acted a LOT like Kyle when I was a kid, so I know he’s an irritating little shit, but also brilliant and too thoughtful for his own good sometimes.

But another thing: I characterize Kyle as someone who is a natural leader, but hates being in official leadership positions. And this is also smth I’ve kinda written due to personal experience. But also from the way kyles often portrayed in canon—in the games, he’s always a support role, always a healer, ranged fighter, or someone who boosts and buffs allies

I see Kyle as the type of person who can easily take control in, for example, a group project situation, or when he’s hanging out with Stan and they’re only doing what Kyle wants to do bc Kyle comes up with all the ideas and Stan just goes along with them

But I can’t see Kyle as someone who’d want to be, like, student counsel president. (That’s more Wendy’s wheelhouse) Mostly bc there’s too much responsibility that it’s just exhausting, and more than that, those official positions are STIFLING. They run on someone else’s schedule and they’re creatively constructive. You can’t fully do your own thing bc you have to be constantly aware of how the group works and what the group wants. I can’t see Kyle as being happy in that position bc he’d get sick of having to conform his ideas to what other ppl want—he just wants to do his own thing.

So instead, Kyle would be more comfortable in a supporting role. Bc in a position like, for example, secretary or VP, he can still have a lot of influence, power, and knowledge, but he’s free from those restrictions that come from being the face of a group. And he’s also free from the social obligations of being a leader, esp in having to deal w other groups in like a business sort of way. AND if the group falls, Kyle won’t take as much of the blame, bc it’s probably not his fault anyways so why should everyone point fingers at him. It’s much less pressure.

(And it’s also kinda inspired by his role in the CBAA??—Cartman’s perfect in the CEO/face of the company position bc Cartman is comfortable with and relishes in the attention and social aspect of being the face/leader of a company, and Kyle can reap all the benefits of being a part of that company, including being an integral pillar of the company, w/o the deficits. If Eric and Kyle ran a company they’d work together, sure, but Eric would crumble without Kyle’s support, and Kyle would hate the stifling pressure of the head position, which makes them a perfect pair.)

(And again this is based on personal experience—I’m a natural leader. People listen to me, I can organize groups, and I’m a good mediator, but I hate when it becomes Official bc I can’t just. Do my own thing as I want to and it’s far too much to keep track of and most of it doesn’t interest me. It always irritated me when my parents tried to push me into like running for student president bc I just kept thinking abt all the work I’d have to do that I wouldn’t care abt)

7) what gives me secondhand embarrassment about Kyle? Well. Just......how much he reminds me of when I was a stupid kid. He’s such a little shit oh my god Kyle shut the fuck up YOURE NOT GHANDI. When Kyle’s being entitled and stuck up, when he thinks he’s better than other ppl, and when his own big mouth and pride are what fucks him over I’m just oh my god. Oh my GODDDDDD SHUT UPPPPP.

Mostly it’s secondhand embarrassment bc I’m jus oh my god ur an idiot—but again bc I know he has the ability to grow out of that and look back on himself with a grimace at how dumb he was ahsjdkfkfk

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely the latter, I love Kyle and I love when he’s happy and contented but him as a cinnamon roll kinda character feels so flat to me. I love him as a problematic fave he’s so much fun as a disaster. He’s complex—he’s tough and caring and angry and compassionate and an absolute fireball of EMOTIONS but he tries to act like he’s a logical rational person and I jus? He’s so much more fun and dynamic when he’s allowed to be messy

(Of course this is long why wouldn’t it be AHSJDKDKKFKGLGLH)

#long post #kyman #south park #kyle broflovski #fl5k #creo talks

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fakeboitherottengirl · 4 years

Text

Classrooms Should Not Be A “Safe Space”

There should be no classroom where a student feels unwelcome for trying to learn and better themselves. Especially in areas like racial/cultural/gender studies, these should be places of LEARNING not just regurgitating what you all already agree with. Let people ask questions. Let people get it wrong and correct them.

Sophomore year, I joined a sociology class that required no prerequisites or major (aka a beginner class open to everybody) and was really excited and open to the fact that it was run by the Black Studies department because I thought “wow, something other than the white upper class sociology professor, cool.” When I got there, I was the only white person, and one of three non-black people. All the students appeared to know the professor already from other classes, who gave off that “cool guy” vibe by opening his classes with music videos and saying ‘fuck’ a lot. I mentioned him to a friend who had taken a class with him before and knew him as a person (she was black) and she advised I drop the class right away. I thought she was saying this because the class itself was hard, but when I asked her, shed taken a different class and still advised me to drop it. We were reading “All the Women Are White, All the Blacks Are Men, But Some of Us Are Brave” which is an amazing book and I was really into the class so I didn’t.

I sensed some hostility from the professor building until one day I got up to go to the bathroom and he started yelling “You have no respect, you think you can just come and go you don’t respect the class or me” and I profusely apologized and explained that the Disability Resource Center should have sent him a letter that I was on medication and would likely need to use the restroom once or more per class. I went to the restroom and took all my stuff and left crying (Im REALLY bad about being yelled at by authority figures) and one of the boys followed me out and was another person who told me, concerned, “Drop the class”. I had to keep the class to have a full-time schedule or I couldnt live on campus so I had no other option by that point in the semester.

A few weeks later, I was reading along on my laptop (which id brought to every previous class, as my disability accommodations allowed it) and he thought i wasnt paying attention so he came by me and slammed a textbook to the ground next to me as hard as he could. Im autistic, and the loud noise startled me and I started sniffling and he grabbed my laptop really roughly by the screen so the bottom part was hanging, saw that i was reading along, and then dropped it back on my desk with no apology. I had a panic attack and left the class and, according to somebody who stayed, changed the topic of the day to my “white fragility” and that I was a “crying white woman” (which like technically yea but i wasnt crying because white guilt or being called racist I was crying because I was autistic and startled with a sudden loud noise which is a major trigger).

There were other smaller incidents (he had a major problem with my absences and took them personally even though i have a chronic illness and was absent from every class just the same, I even went out of my way to try to get to his because I was so afraid of him by then). There was a time where we were talking about drugs and he asked a question about “what drug can get you a life sentence in jail” and I answered “LSD” because there had recently been a case in the news of exactly that happening and so of course I thought he was referring to that and was looking forward to finally getting something right. How he corrected me: “This girl, again. Black people don’t DO acid”. Then he went on to talk about the crack epidemic and i was like oh that makes sense but what I said wasnt wrong?

He was yelling at me “Do you ever pay any attention? You barely even show up. You probably expect me to hand you an A just for taking this class”. This was at the end of class, and I said to him (crying, again, because i cant talk to ‘real adults’ without melting down) that I had autism and ADHD, that they were both on file with the DRC, and he said my learning disorder and disability were excuses that white people used “to give a head start to their lazy children” and that it was “entitled” of me to ask that my accommodations be respected because my disability was really just white laziness and he made a really good point about how black kids are less likely to be diagnosed with learning disabilities and are treated as behavioral cases which yeah 100% correct but he used it as a way to say “these disabilities dont really exist” not “these disabilities are under-diagnosed in certain communities”.

The final straw was my midterm paper. I wrote on the book I mentioned above, a really good paper that I worked really hard on that met all the requirements of the rubric. It came back to me marked C- without any notes or corrections on it, while everybody else had red writing all over their pages. I mentioned it to my friend who had taken his class before and she said “Oh, he wont give the white kids higher than a C-, its the lowest grade he can give without having to cite a reason. Hes bragged about it” (she knew him on a personal level, like been-to-his-house-for-dinner personal). So I ripped the paper up and never went back to his class and just let him fail me for attendance. It was the first class I ever failed.

The entire time I was trying to learn, I was treated like an outsider. This was not the BSU or the African Heritage Society or any place where I should have been treated any different than any other student (those places would have been well right to reject me as those are not my spaces). This was an entry-level classroom, but to the professor I did not belong there even though I paid the same tuition as my classmates. Every question was treated as hostile. Every mistake was a personal insult. Ive seen the same thing happen in my women’s lit classes or feminist-related sociology classes done to male students, although I can only speak to my own experiences, its distressing for EVERYBODY in the room, not just the person the professor targets.

If you are in a classroom in good faith willing to learn, you belong in that classroom. Professors who act otherwise do nothing but scare people who want to learn away from knowledge (I was afraid to take any classes that overlapped with the Black Studies department after that until my senior year when I took a literature class that overlapped, which was lovely and I learned a lot because the professor was interested in teaching). There are clubs, student unions, etc that are wonderful to serve as a safe space and a space that excludes those outside of the community but the classroom, where we all pay the same to be, can NOT be a “safe space”. Classrooms, if anything, should be a DANGEROUS space full of ideas and feedback that threaten the world view you walked in with.

IDK mostly this is just venting about a shitty professor because Im tweaking but yeah him and this lady I took a “women in drama” class with were two of the worst professors in existence and you shouldn’t take pride in making somebody afraid to learn. IDK. I feel like these kind of classes can really bring out abusive personality types because it is somehow implicit that there are some students you are allowed to abuse and take the high road if you get called on it (a MAN complaining about his FEMALE teacher in a class on WOMEN automatically looks bad). IDK. Abusive teachers are real and do real damage.

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saykouyakiimo · 5 years

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Adam is related to the god of darkness, as much Ruby is related to the god of light.

Or at least, I found something interesting (parallels you know)

I warn you immediatly, don’t expect anything of me. This theory is absolutely garbage... And tbh i’m scared to post it, because I’m affraid about comment people comments... Yeah RWBY’s fandom is terrifying. Please be kind I’m autistic. Before to start you have to know that english isn’t my native language... Sorry for my mistakes... Oh I wanted to thanks my best friend who translate 50% of my theory in english.

AND ALSO. Don’t tell me that wanting Adam to come back is harmful for abused survivors. I’ve been victim of child abuse, and I kept suffuring until my 20 years, due to my past abusives bests friends. So please stay cool.

Why hope his return despite confirmation?

It may be a long time that Kerry confirmed the Adam’s death, it remains a lot of points to brought up. During the interview, it’s important to know that everything is subject to interpretation, and some details didn’t escape me to make me pick over factors that go in my direction. In the first place, before say that he were really die, he answers to that question : “Was there ever doubt that Adam was an unredeemable character or was there a chance that he could have been redeemed ?” It’s pretty funny that Kerry doesn't employing the past when he answers. He doesn't said “he WASN'T irredeemable” no It’s different. He litteraly said : (paraphase for the first one) “I think he's redeemable” and “I wouldn't say he's unredeemable”. Use time present for a dead person is strange. Then he adds everybody has the right to have a second chance but that the circonstances in which he ran into with Blake didn’t help him at all. At the moment where he had to reveal his potential death, Kerry forced a smile and took a big second to say « yes ». After being interrupted, because on of the animator rejoiced of the news, he right away resumed to output on the tone of joke : “yes he's dead, unless with do a Darth Maul. (character who survived to fatal injuries) Ah. Nah he's... We. [Interrupt]. He fall in water fall, there is no body, but like. He got stabbed twice, and hit his head on the way down, like... He's dead." (Paraphrase cuz I don't fully understand why he's saying) "Now the fanbase hate me, that's fine." The fact that the creator make a reference at the character of Darth Maul, it customs clearance of a thing : he’ll not lie. If our beloved faunus comes back, Kerry will already warned us. He wasn’t obligated to say this sentence, mostly that he introduced it after beint interrupted. Furthermore, he sorely insisted on the manner he was killed, to the extent that he looked hesitant in the choice of his words. Others will interpret it like « yes but for him it was so evident to think him dead, that he feels confuse to explain why ». The words of the co-writer are absolute, he wasn’t obligated to do that. I’m not saying is lying, on the contrary. Just because Adam is dead, doesn't mean he stays dead (it sounds stupid, but you'll understand). For the case of Roman and Pyrrha, it had a sens to exclude them psysically. It had repercussions on their entourage. For the case of Adam, it’s the same with Yang and Blake… But not totally. Fans say that by taking away his life, they finally got rid of their demon and that they don’t have to feel haunted anymore. However, even the song « Nevermore » confirmed this, it’s not a victory. They maybe have the feeling of being free of this monster, but something else going continue to curse them : the fact to take a life. As inhuman a person is, we can’t not be affected by this act. However, if they aren’t affected, it’s a huge idleness and a very bad writing lmao. These two girls maybe consider themselves happy to get rid of him for the present moment, but I expect that the karma come to hit them at Atlas. I can't blame them to have kill him, he was a threat, i'm aware of that (btw I've nothing against Bumbleby dw). Which gives hope a sequel for this character, it’s one of « Nevermore »’s passage :

“Another soul consumed by hate and spite Another destroyed life There's no pleasure, there's no joy It's just a story of a boy who lost his way Into shadows strayed He'll see the light of day”

It isn't without know that the musics of Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams have a canonical aspect. The best exemple before anything else, it’s Divide and Sacrifice. The « He’ll see the light of a day » can’t be overlooked. I already see some purists come back for the reinterpretation of this passage, because the refrain start with « Nevermore ». This will implies « Nevermore he’ll see the light of day ». In the literal meaning it’s true, but as it happens, we speak about the fact that he lost his way, and that in this shady way he’ll see the light of day. « Lost his way » is related to the fact that he’s consumed by the revenge and the hate, but he never came out. The last sentence refers to the fact he’s going to come out of it. Add « Nevermore » is stupid, because he always lived in this state of mind. He can't nevermore see the light again, since he has never seen it. Second reason for which this interpretation is wrong, is that it breaks the structuring of the verses. For the first choir it works because it gives « That’s in the past and I won’t be controlled ー Nervermore ». But for the second… « Not dying now, we’re protecting our own ー Nevermore ». It lost its sens, and it implies that they will never protect each other. If a schema applies for one, it should be the same for the other. Another reason to doubt of his definitive departure of the series : the lack communication around the character and of the « final » episode which concerned him. I’m not saying that like « they don’t give enough attention to the character », no it’s really something. Why Adam doesn't appear on the promotional poster, when everyone knew he was coming back? Each episodes are review by guests like comedians, at the exception of one : the 12 one, where Adam die. Even for the season 4 they hadn’t done something like that. Strangely, for the occasion they could have invited the one who’s playing Adam, Garrett Hunter, considering that it will be the last episode where he’ll act. It’s the end of the character that he incarnates. Fans could learn more on the dubbing actor, or the antagonist himself, but there was nothing of that. Cause yes, it stays questions withouts answers. Why Adam can’t use his semblance without his weapon ? How his semblance can project such complex shapes ? Why showed the mark SDC to already expel it ? And as we know, CRWBY never confirmed the type of faunus he was… I’ll come back on this subject. In addition of that, Garrett Hunter didn’t address any thank you messages for those who followed him in the whole series, I want to say that it’s truly strange.

Udapte about Garrett Hunter (Adam’s VA)

Garrett Hunter doesn't confirm Adam's death, people think he probably doesn't know anything about it, but I doubt it. During a live of Mega64, somoene talk about performing as Voice Acting. And then, Garrett talks about his “death”. He uses words like “I was killed, I think”, “No body, no deads”, “I keep my fingers crossed”, but at no time does he says “Adam is dead, he will not come back”. On the contrary, he adds “never say never” and he pretends to pray for his return. VAs know things about their characters. Pyrrah's VA knew that her character was going to die from the beginning of the story, and Yang's VA knew she would lose her arm, and that as soon as she was used to her voice. And what's very encouraging is that the VA Pyrrha had confirmed in an interview and Twitter, the death of his character. And there, Garrett mentions word for word that Kerry released during the RWBY Rewind: Darth Maul (twice) But if there was no hopes, he would say he is dead. In this case, we have not learned more. And if he knows of his return, why tell us? And Kerry either did not confirm 100% his death, basically he declares “He died, unless maybe we decide to bring him back”. Another contradiction with the voice actor of Adam. The guy had the balls to says clearly, that the antagonist he embodied, was killed without them using his potential. But , when his buddy reply “everyone is it saying that your death was bullshit”, Garrett says he loved the scene about his confrontation between Yang and Blake, because it was a retaliation of the two characters on him. It's just a big mind fuck at this point. My guess is that he likes this scene because karmas are finally shared between Adam and Bumbleby, and he knows what will happen to his character. Why would he says that Adam's potential was not used, while he loves his death scene? Because he will be able to make a fresh start. That's my thoughts. I know that he must have trouble with his character, because this one receives ALL the salt of the fandom on the face, and there, they will offer him a way to make his character appreciable. And pretending not to know what will happen to the former White Fang leader is completely stupid. The VA know the fate of their character. Kerry and Miles must have planned his come back in advance, they can't hesitate when they’ll write it in the script, because the situation requires it. Why ? Because his branding S.D.C. directly link to the volume that is focused on Atlas, in the one that will arrive in a few months.

Confirmation of VA about Pyrrah's Fate Confirmation of the VA in about her death

and she declares this just after the first view of the last episode of volume 3.

Mega64 podcast with time code (17:52) : https://youtu.be/YKQ242Pd6Fg?list=WL&t=1072

Seriously, if it had been his final scene, they would have shown us one last time moonslice...

Update 05 july : Does Garrett confirmed something ?

No.

Why bring him back to life ?

Adam is THE faunus who stands out the most than the others, there isn’t two like him. In terms of discrimination, it’s the one who suffer the most. His hatred pushed him to ignore that humans had the same rights of him. He’s blind to the extent that he wants to submit them at his own race, the reverse the role of the one who is tyrannized. He has all the reasons of the world to hate this species, nobody could blame him (even if it doesn’t justify his actions of course). He maybe served his purpose with Blake and Yang, he can always serve others. I mean... He just serves to a plot device and that's it... and that's why I feel so frustrated, cuz there so many things to do with him...… First he could go to Mantle and settle squares up with his old executioners, facing directly the Schnee Dust Company (AND WEISS CAN SEE HIS MOTHER FUCKING BRAND). Secondly, we could send another message : « people can change ». The conclusion of Adam was sad because, finally, nobody really deter him to continue in his way, not directly at least. And when they tried to do it it was too late. Never they're told him « what you’re doing is bad, you should live for another thing than revenge ». Blake implied that she was against the murder, but it didn’t go further that. When he was scolded by Ghira, Sienna rather encouraged him after. As soon as we acclaim him, Adam had a click. Him who was treated like a property, an animal, a sub-category being, finally discovers the feeling to be « lionized ». For him, it was the climax of his existence. Also Goldi reminds me that “Adam hated huntsmen and was so set upon destroying their academies bc they're supposed to protect people but they didn't protect him from the scd and in the end he is killed by two (one human) huntresses”. And this end is so bad for his character... Logic would have wanted Blake and Yang to stop this cycle of violence. And there, the writers decided to repeat it by killing him. Bumbleby didn’t deserve to do that, as much as Adam didn’t deserve to die from their hands. This « death » can make him take a new start… Maybe that Blake and Yang didn’t kill him physically but they’ll kill him psychologically. At the moment when he was stabbed, we can see his face slowly decay. He realizes the fact that he just be stabbed and it hurts. He isn’t the one that he believed, this final point shows that he has nothing, and that the one who’s alone it’s him. And in my opinion, it's a trait that presents him as someone who can have a redemption, because he realizes how wrong he was. Yes he is redeemable and >THIS< show why, and why Adam wasn’t able to get one before. Returning after that, he’ll loose what made him a redoutable antagonist : his confidence. His power, he extracted it of control, but to have control being confident is necessary. Now that the one who he manipulated turned against him, and furthermore it’s one of his kind, he’ll gonna doubt of everything. Adam is weak, with this break, he risks to become a completely different character. The most important point is his similarities with Raven. Seriously I need to detail ? Imageries, fighting style and ideology, they share far too much in common. To the extent that it’s frustrating to see that Yang didn’t make a connection. If you want to spend time, I refer you to a thread which makes you a summary of all the parallels. With so much in common, it’s legitimate to ask if they’re not related. Not by blood because they don’t share any physical similarity, but to be honest, I can see Raven as a teacher.

> Parallels of Adam & Raven < + this one

Grimms masks, Asian style, chokuto x nodachi, same color scheme. It's a bit big anyway lol. AND THEIR FUCKING DARWINIAN SYSTEM

And your theory you piece of shit ?

I’M SO SORRY. I needed to expose thoses points before to can begging it. First, I would like to recall why people thought that Adam Tarus had Silver Eyes. (For this part, I’ll take what said >here< because it’s really borring). This faunus isn’t only assimilate to Raven but with Ruby too, and it’s perfectly justify. The similarity of their symbols, imagery of the rose and the moon. It seems weird says like that but there is another person with Silver Eyes who’s assimilated to the same scheme : Summer Rose. It’s the principal element which supports this theory, since she’s directly inspired of a fairy tale « The Dead Moon ». If you want more informations on this subject, consult this post. Basically, it demonstrates the fact that the personified moon’s light repulses the monsters, like the Silver Eyes, and she was « killed », like the moon in RWBY. This ability is destined to protect the life, cherish people we love. But in the case of Adam, it’s all the opposite. He’s only destruction, hate and rancor ; it’s the opposite reflection of Ruby. But with what we saw in the series, the faunus doesn’t have Silver Eyes but blue eyes. With this, all of this wonderful theory falls in the water.

in the opening 2 of RWBY, Ruby fall since the moon lol

However, with all that I resumed and what we learnt in the volume 6, I asked : is there something else ? We learnt that the eyes light came for the God of Light (GoL/Creation Dragon/…). In my opinion, Silver Eyes are a present of the God to defeat Salem, cause they affect the magic. A considerable help given to Ozma. But could it be possible that the younger siblings, the God of Darkness (GoD/Destruction Dragon/…), offered another thing to our professor, to help him in his quest ? It’s not impossible, since there must be a complementarity. If it’s the case, in what form doest it manifest and how ? I have my idea. First, you should know that RWBY never let something randomly, its foreshadowing is clearly what’s make the charm of the saga. The moon has been destroyed by GoD to restart a new era. Silver Eyes and faunus appeared after this period (HOW STRANGE), it’s a thing to know. Without transition, I’ll go to the point where I would like to reach. Actually i sought differents types of horns, just to try to identify those of Adam. Every faunus has animals characteristics. But in the heap, I didn’t see only one faunus have attribute which couldn’t be identify. Adam has the imagerie of a taurus, but at no fucking time his horns correspond to those of a taurus, not even to goat (even if I found this joke funny). And my issue, is that RWBY already shown a bull faunus.

I mean. No. This isn’t a bull. And there’s no point for him to be a goat (besides jokes)

His horns start in forehead, point back to go inside. And I have only seen one person share those similarities for this characteritic, it’s the God of Darkness/Destruction.

What I insinuate here ? That Adam has dragon’s horns. The theory is completely shitty lmao, I told you.

:thonk:

But It would explain this. Oppositions between Adam and Ruby.

If we assume that Adam is the nemesis of Yang Xiao Long, which means Little Dragon Sunshine, Adam will be related to the one of darkness. And I tell myself that AS BY CHANCE, the dragon of light is Chinese style, like the name of Yang. And seriously, I’ll give you pictures together, and keep in mind what was said on the faunus and Raven.

Just find this here

The dragons are reflected in the world map of Remnant, as it happens at the top we have the God of Darkness and the one of Light on the right.

And looking at the episode 7 of volume 3, I realized that Adam had the map of Remnant behind him. And strangely, the firts plan we have of him, is this one :

Nothing is left to chance in RWBY. It surprises me that there is EXACTLY this continent behind him. The dragon is at the middle of the plan with Adam in font of it. The head and the wings are claerly apparent, the others pieces of lands don’t appear whole, I seriously doubt that this angle haven’t been chosen involuntary… Because when they had to built the scenery, decisions have been done, I tell myself that it’s not innocent. The guys could restricted to this, but no. They continue all along the scene, knowing that Adam walks when he listens the deal of Cinder…

He could stop everywhere, but they chose to structure the scene like this.

Adam only aspires to destroy, like the God of Darkness, counter to his brother, who him search to preserve the life. Amond their powers which have been exposed, we could see that silver light, and specific forms of thaumaturgy. But what will the power of Adam be, if he has dragon’s horns ? I think it will be a form of incomplete immortality, or which needs some conditions to be activate. It’s not impossible, like I said, the concept of life and death can be reverse with magic. Furthermore, if we associate Raven and Adam, it’s not improbable. You know why ? I tell you. In the episode 6 of Volume 5, something caught my attention. Amount of screenshots in coming :

Raven doesn’t believe in what is said to her, there is no reason for her to take literally what Oz told her. She needs to see to believe it. So she saw someone come back alive in front of her eyes, to come and declare the fact that she knows people who can come back from the dead. She can’t have seen Ozpin being killed, since he has not reincarnated in the meantime. Salem, I doubt that she could see her being hurt to return to life, because you have to beat her already. It’s very possible that it is Adam, since this whole scene, is to build in the same way as when the faunus was in full deal with Cinder. The guy stands right behind the fucking dragon of destruction. And what do you think Raven does?

She looks at the dragon of destruction on the fucking map. It’s more complicated to discern because she doesn't face to the protagonists because we do not see what she looks, but her eyes are focused on the continent. In addition, we have a sequence where the camera slides gently on the map, to finish on the continent in question, implying that we are through the eyes of Raven. And some plans show that it pays particular attention to the parcel of land.

Beside, in the Black Trailer of RWBY, we see a crow... Someone told me it was Qrow who was looking for Amber, but I made some searchs on internet, I didn't find any confirmation of CRWBY. For me, the fact that it's could be Raven would make so much more sense. After all, she seems almost omniscient and she can be here, from the beginning. And that reminds me of what Barbara says about “some things could be planned from the beginning”. And I remembered something in Volume 3 DvD commentary : “The idea for the Maidens was thought up by Monty Oum in between Volume 2 and Volume 3 and worked into the story.” So... This isn't suppose to be Qrow looking for the Fall Maiden, right ? Cuz Monty hadn't this idea yet. When he puts this crow, he was thinking to something else, right ? The last option is Raven...

Otherwise, remember well that the God of Darkness destroyed the moon. And what is the name of Adam’s semblance ? Moonslice.

Observation

Apart from these facts, there is something that who intrigued me. All the characters with a red aura, are more or less related to thaumaturgy... (As a reminder name ≠ aura color) Qrow : Crow transformation with magic Raven : Crow Transformation with Magic + Spring maiden Pyrrha : Was in contact with the aura of the Fall Maiden + was killed by the Fall Maiden Ruby : Silver eyes, which are connected to the God of light Adam : Could potentially have dragon horns (why would he escape the rule?)

For those who will tell me that the color of Raven's aura is orange, it's wrong. Originally she is red. It is clear when flames glow from her eyes and she uses her semblance. It's because she received the power of the Spring Maiden that she is orange. When Pyrrha agreed to assimilate the power of the former host, the aura of the Fall Maiden that enveloped it and it was indeed orange, instead of turning red. If Pyrrha had become a maiden, his aura would have undergone the same transformations. The fact that Raven's aura is orange would be incoherent. Because in no case we see this amber in her design, or even in her name ... We would see this pre-configuration somewhere.

Or it’s due to the dust after the fall... Cuz we can clearly that the power absorbed is red, and it belongs to Raven

Some shitty arguments (don’t take it serioulsy lmao) : - Adam’s name means humanity. And that made me think about the new erea, and all this things about gods... - The precious stone associated with the name of Adam, is the ruby. It’s kinda funny when you know that the show is called RWBY, and the main character wears the name “Ruby”. I think it’s more a coincidence, but I have to put this somewere.

This was my shitty observation, bye.

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lycanguts · 6 years

Text

CALLOUT POST FOR A PAST ABUSER/MANIPULATOR

So this is definitely not my usual type of content, I don’t like causing unnecessary drama but this is inexcusable. It's probably weird seeing this in a fandom tag but these are his main interests and if it could be boosted in this communities it might save some people.

Tumblr user @yucee is a terrible person both in how he acts and how he treats other people, he’s manipulative, quick to deflect blame and never takes responsibility for his actions. As if that wasn’t bad enough he's also a pedophile.

This post will not only contain my testimonial but the testimonials of two others who also met him.

This one is a doozy but I recommend reading it, I want as many people as possible to see his true nature (especially anyone >22 years old).

I would like make it known that he loves to play the victim in any scenario regardless of whose fault it actually is (most of the time it’s his however, he has a real hard time accepting blame for anything).

While my trauma is not as severe as others who have come in contact with him he ruined what was supposed to be a fun weekend with my friends as well as our first meeting which should’ve been something amazing.

Unfortunately I deleted our conversations on Discord as I didn’t think when I did I would be making this type of post, thankfully his tumblr messenger is still open to me as well as a few text messages post-meetup. Most things that revealed his true nature were said during voice chat so most of these messages are only a small glimpse at what an awful person he is.

My Testimonial:

Hello my name is Anthony, I'm 22 years old and I had met yucee three years back when we had a mutual friend. While we didn’t have much in common he seemed like a nice enough guy and someone I’d like to befriend. We had similar tastes in pokemon as well as similar music tastes, and while we had known each other for three years we hadn’t really talked consistently until mid 2017. It was around the latter half of this year that I had developed feelings for him and after a few weeks of hesitation I asked him out and was excited when he said “yes”. Had third been months ago I’d say our relationship was a good one, he accepted me for who I was and I was just happy to find another trans guy with no interest in anything sexual.

However looking back now I realize not only was Yucee extremely self centered but he made sure to link me to his “coping” fic every other day expecting me to read he one sentence he had added while when I would send him my art it was a 50/50 chance I would ever receive good feedback if any at all (his comments were either “cute” or “gay”, sometimes he would just ignore it altogether).

Did I mention he also invited himself to the convention I attended this summer? Around mid March I had planned on asking him as I was going to test the waters and see if by describing my con experiences it would be something he would be interested in attending possibly next year, however as soon as I brought up I was going to a convention he chirped in with “I want to go too!”. He was excited, I was too, and we soon began to make plans to meet each other. During this time let me point out how he would say things like “are we going to be around your friends the entire convention?” and “since you always get to see your friends can I have you to myself?” And “next year, if you still like me then, I want to go to MTAC, just you and me I don’t want your friends there.” And other things of this nature. At first I thought he was just joking around but it became evident to me after the fact that he was becoming extremely possessive of me to the point he was already picking out what costume I would wear for MTAC. Not only this but when he learned me and my friends had already planned a cosplay group he became upset because we were dating so we should’ve had matching costumes. Again this was mid March and the convention was early in early June, I had been working on what costumes I had since December. He was dead set on cosplaying persona characters and while I liked persona I didn’t think I’d have enough time to throw a costume together. Eventually he seemed pleased enough I’d be cosplaying Akira Fudo while he cosplayed Akira from persona, but he still complained that me and my friend were acting more like a couple than he and I were because I had a matching cosplay with her, “we’re boyfriends we should be matching he’d say”. Again, my friends plan our convention going experience well in advance, Yucee had pushed himself into our plans and was upset that nothing was going his way 100%, and that reflected in his behavior at the convention (we’ll get to that shitshow soon enough).

So it’s planning time, we have a few months, I tell him what kinds of things he can buy in the vendor hall and he starts buying his costumes and he estimates he’ll be able to save at least $800 of his SSI checks up to the point, but him being the impulsive man he is he had barely $300. He didn’t even buy his own ticket, he had spent all of his check from May on even more akeshu prints and costume stuff so he didn’t have enough to pay for a preregistration ticket (these closed on may 31st), so I offered to buy his ticket if he paid me back when I came to get him.

When it came to the issue of how he was going to get to my home I of course offered to drive him as long as he helped with gas and such.

Many, many times I assured him I would come and get him, I even had my car worked on just so I could be confident it would make the trip, but every so often he would say things like “I shouldn’t even be planning this, none of my plans ever work out.”

Every time this came up I assured him that it wouldn’t be an issue, while I had never made a trip this long by myself before I was more than willing.

Whenever I picked him up he gave me $50 for gas when he should’ve given me $150 ($100 for gas there and back, $50 for the ticket). But if we wanna get technical he also owed me an extra $50 on top of this, money he said he’d pay me during the convention (he didn’t). I had bought him a pair of shoes for a costume he didn’t wear (because he was too busy wearing my Guzma shoes) and two face products he used twice but stopped using after it didn’t work fast enough for his liking.

The $50 he had given me however was money he had guilted his dad into giving him, his dad couldn’t meet me halfway because he had stomach issues and was worried he wouldn’t be able to make the trip, which I was fine with, but he had told me he would ask his dad for more money from his monthly check because it was “his [dad’s] fault” I would have to drive the whole way. Also when I first was introduced to his father he introduced me as his boyfriend when I had made it VERY clear that I wanted to be introduced as only a friend, so he outted me without even considering my feelings.

For most of the car ride back he complained constantly about the heat, I had warned him my A/C was on the fritz but he continuously brought t up ever few minutes that he was hot. It was a four hour car ride.

As for the convention itself I will condense it to bullets because there’s a LOT to dive into.

June 7th (Day Before Con)

-I had warned him that he would have to come to work with me when he stayed at my house, since he was unaccustomed to waking up early I offered to wake him twenty minutes before I left (8:00 AM). The moment he woke up he didn’t wish me a happy birthday, the first words out of his mouth were “what are we doing for breakfast?” When I offered him one of my protein bars he made he comment how that wouldn’t fill him up and how he needed something with sodium, he then proceeded to try to get me to cook him a can of soup. This was five minutes before I was supposed to leave to pick up my friend/coworker. I made him a peanut butter sandwich because peanut butter is filling and added a bit of salt because salty peanut butter is good. He didn’t even finish the sandwich, handed it back to me with two bites out of it and continued to complain about being hungry until lunch time.

-When my friend was talking about how shitty her parent was Yucee responded with “if that was my dad I would just stand up to him” without realizing that my friend’s parent is verbally and emotionally abusive to her, unlike his dad who I assume just doesn’t coddle him like his mom did. He would say often how his dad was a terrible person and then turn around and say he couldn't wait for his dad to get a settlement (which he intended to give Yucee a good part of). His dad is also accepting of him and supportive of him to the point he even is helping fund his T shots/top surgery. When I told him that my friend's parent was not his father he immediately fired back with "Oh well you can't compare suffering."

You're probably wondering why I referred to my friend's parent as her parent as opposed to her "mother", well about that...

This is in his about. We’ll get into this later.

-We’re short staffed at work, he offered to help. He refused to do litterboxes because of the smell, it took three times of asking him to sweep for me to eventually hand him the broom to sweep, he proceeded to wildly rock the broom back and fourth saying he didn’t know how to sweep, I then asked him to do dishes since he didn’t know how to sweep (he didn’t do the dishes).

-Asked me if he could wear my new pair of shoes because he didn’t have the foresight to pack a comfortable pair of shoes that weren’t for a costume ; whined when I said no because as I said these were my new shoes and a birthday present, continued to complain about how much his feet hurt in my old pair of work shoes I lent him.

-Did I mention he constantly stated that the government pays him to not know anything, and that was one of his many excuses on how he didn’t know how to do even simple tasks like sweep? Other excuses were “I didn’t know that” or “I’m autistic I can’t help it” or “I’ve never done this before.”

-Went into a frenzy when my friends went over a couple of aisles in a very small dollar store, “you guys were going to leave me!” he growled. We assured him we wouldn’t do that countless times after this, this would not be the first occurrence.

-we arrive at my Dad’s house where we would be staying for the convention. Yucee’s frantic squeaking of a toy he had caught the attention of my sister’s lab puppy, thinking Yucee wanted to play he grabbed the toy with his mouth earning a scream followed by a backhand from Yucee. He never apologized. While on the topic of animal abuse: Yucee is extremely neglectful of the three cats he owns. One is covered so badly in flea bites and scabs chunks of his fur are missing and the table on which they eat was covered in vomit and old food, plus they don’t have a litter box so they have to go outside to use the bathroom despite him living near a busy road. Yet he continuously says he wants more cats.

-Whined that his wig didn’t look -exactly- like the picture and proceeded to throw it on the ground, no one noticed him do this as we were busy with our own things. He came out after about a minute and shouted at us “Did no one see me throw my wig down?!” When my friend Seth apologized and pointed out we were all busy he verbally said “sigh”.

June 8th (Day 1 of the con)

-morning time, we’re all getting dressed in our cosplays, Yucee takes the longest despite having the simplest costume and demands that we show him how to apply makeup/put on a wig, after showing him a few times already the night before. he also asks us to do the tasks for him, including putting on his makeup and even partially dressing him (made someone put on his suspenders for him without him even trying beforehand) “I’ve never cosplayed before.” he would say. His outfit was a shirt, pants and a pair of suspenders, he wasn’t even wearing his wig.

-as for my birthday present from him: in the vendor hall he buys me three tiny buttons, $1 each, two buttons that have lgbt+ pride things on them, both of which I can’t wear in my daily life. He also buys me s hat that he didn’t ask if I wanted, especially since the only kind of hats I wear are baseball hats. You might think I’m just mad that I didn’t get presents I wanted, I’m usually the thought that counts type of guy, but he made it quite clear what he wanted for his birthday that was a month away while we were in the vendor hall, he kept making remarks how he wanted a commission done of his favorite persona character, he wanted multiple commissions, and he made it clear he wanted me to buy them. He still hasn’t wished me a happy birthday.

-me and my two friends have had a few pictures of us requested at this point , Yucee gets angry that no one recognizes his Ryuji cosplay and how no one had asked for a picture. Thirty minutes after this exchange someone asks for his picture, he declines saying he’s a “disgusting gross frog man”. Soon after he again complains about this issue.

-complained, constantly, every five minutes it was either asking me when we were going home or how there were no persona cosplayers (there were, plenty) or how he was so nasty and had to go home and shower/wash his clothes (he showered at least three times a day).

-pulled me away from activities with my friends because he wanted me to take him home to shower/wash his clothes (where we were staying was roughly 20 minutes from the convention center and it took him thirty minutes each time).

-straight up insulted cosplayers because they didn’t pick the outfit he liked for the character they were portraying or said he didn’t like the costume because they were acting “too straight”.

-got jealous because me and my friend were “acting more like a couple” than me and him were. My friend and I were Pipimi and Popuko from popteamepic, canonically they are girlfriends and the most my friend and I did was hold hands while skipping and playfully call each other “darling”. I didn’t want to hold hands with Yucee, I didn’t even want to touch him.

-reason I wouldn’t hold hands or even touch Yucee? He had broken many of my boundaries in a short span of time, while it was was wrong of me to not communicate this to him he still continued to push when I was visibly uncomfortable. A ten year friendship had lot less boundaries than a three year friendship/seven month relationship (that I had just met in person two days earlier). Yucee would constantly rub his hands over the back of my neck, he would constantly slap my arm and eventually did it in for me was when he snuck up behind me and angrily slammed his hand on my shoulder because me and my friends had “left” him. I nearly had a panic attack before I realized it was him. He never apologized.

-would go into a frenzy if my group travelled ahead without him, even if we were in sight and only a few feet away he would cry about how we were leaving him behind. Every time I assured him we wouldn’t leave him and he could call me should we get separated.

June 9th (Day 2 of the con)

-Morning routine similar to day one, complete with him still making someone else do his makeup for him

-Said “not all of us having living mothers” rather annoyingly when someone was complaining about their mom. This person didn’t know Yucee had “ptsd” and wasn’t even talking to him but rather to my friend. He sounded more annoyed than about to have a panic attack, he even said what was supposed to be his trigger word.

-Did have a “breakdown” however because we walked a few feet away from him, we were still in eyesight, he didn’t even attempt to keep up with us. Went to the nearest booth where he knew he’d get sympathy, a booth that he knew was run by someone’s MOTHER. Made the comment afterwards that he wished she would adopt him.

-Tried to guilt me should I be thinking about breaking up with him.

-Constantly says that he should’ve never of come and how he just wants to go home, even asks if I or my grandma can drive him home on day three.

So the convention dance party rolls around, which is basically just a clean rave, I’m hyped because this is the first time I’m actually going to break out of my comfort zone and attend it. Yucee wanted to go to as he said he had always wanted to see what a rave was like, the moment we step in he goes to sit in the corner by himself. I told him I’ll come check on him every few minutes, I left my phone with him to prove that would come back for him. A few minutes pass and I go to check on him, he says he’s going outside the door for a second to get some air, so I think nothing of it. I see that they’re selling light up face masks so I had to run to my car to get cash, a trip that’ll take me about ten minutes. I tell my friends where I’m going and that Yucee said he’d be right outside. Halfway on my trip back from the car I’m alerted that my friends can’t find Yucee. I start to panic and practically run back to where the dance party is, I meet up with my friends and we split up to look for him. It doesn’t take me long to find him because I look in the area where he said he was going: outside on the balcony. I look around and there’s a lot of people out there, none Yucee, but upon further inspection I see he’s all the way on the other end of the balcony where no one else is. I lose it because he didn’t tell anyone he was going over there, we all assumed outside on the balcony meant with the rest of the people taking a break, not wedged in a corner out of anyone’s sight line. That’s when I decide it’s time someone has a talking to with him. I ask my friend to tell him why what he did wasn’t okay while I go grab a cup of water, when I return to them my friend makes it clear it’s my turn to talk to him. That’s when I decide to break up with him, not because of his “break down” but because of his disregard of anyone else’s feelings that weekend. While I was considering it I was going to think it over after the convention and make my decision in the future, he twisted my arm for the last time though.

-Yucee blames my friend Boo for the reason we broke up despite me clarifying that it was 100% my decision

-Also blamed her for being the reason he had a breakdown, because she didn’t coddle him like everyone else. Didn't even bother to apologize for the two breakdowns he had caused her, when I brought it up he would always go through me to do it.

-so after I gave him my two cents I let him stew in a safe space while I tried to enjoy the remainder of the day with my friends (it was 12 am at this point and the con center closed at 1 am). We went to the game room (which I told him about) and not ten minutes go by he’s spamming me with texts and calls to tell me this is why he has “trust issues”.

-We get home and he goes immediately to bed without a word to any of us

June 10th (Final day of the con)

-Stayed in my dad’s basement all day by request, barely paid me half of the convention ticket money he owed me because he had spent it all on merch

I didn't hear from him all day, didn't even acknowledge us when we returned to start packing up.

-when we arrived at my home after leaving my dad’s he locked himself away all night, I didn’t see him until the next morning when I drove him home. (which he didn't provide me gas for, didn't even say one word to me).

I was lucky that my friend Boo tagged along when I took him home because she is one of the best friends I have had or will ever have and despite Yucee's hatred of her he could actually learn a LOT from her about being a good person.

I did have some contact with him post convention which is outlined in most of these messages, but for about the past month I have not contacted him out of one anon (see end of this post).

So just keep in mind that when he says his convention experience was awful that he’s the reason for a good portion of it going bad, he didn’t even bother apologizing to my friends once for ruining their convention, a convention that we all look forward to a year in advance.

Now I believe my friend's deserve to have their voices heard.

Boo’s Testimonial:

(This one’s a bit messy thanks to tumblr’s image limit)

Seth’s Testimonial:

In summary: yucee aka Jamie/Mike McCarver is a lazy, manipulative, self centered man. He’s a 27 year old who acts like he’s a child and plays up his problems for sympathy, he refuses to ever take blame or apologize for anything because how could he do wrong when he’s autistic/disabled. If he ever does apologize he never says it directly to the person, rather he goes for a general apology. He also says he’s learned from his mistakes but it’s obvious that he’s just saying that in an attempt to placate those he’s wronged or save face.

He’s also known to twist words to garner sympathy, what a shocker:

I sent him an anon as bait because I knew he’d twist the words. But I never said he didn’t deserve testosterone, and he knows that’s not what I meant, by not publishing the ask he can twist the words how he likes, which he likes to do a lot.

The anon read “If you paint a piece of shit gold it’s still a piece of shit. I’m not sure what you think you learned from your experience but it doesn’t change that you’re a pedophile. You were old enough to know what you were doing was wrong, in the end you hurt someone and if your not man enough to just issue an apology to them you’re a coward and no amount of testosterone will make you a real man. Your mother and father would be ashamed.”

Oh, and don’t forget about him being a pedophile.

Yucee was/is a sexually aggressive pedophile who refuses to acknowledge that he’s mentally messed up someone so bad that it’s still affecting them to this day and doesn’t even bother to apologize to them because he thinks they’ve traumatized him too. They were 14 years old, he was 22. He seems to have made it his mission to demonize his victim when his victim has not even made contact with him in three years. He says he’s changed but continues to befriend people at least five years younger than him, while they still are legal adults it’s still creepy considering the past he’s had with younger individuals.

And Yucee if you’re reading this: Your victim has not sent you any anons, you know exactly who has because you’ve told me before you know it’s her.

Please boost this, do NOT interact with this user to send hate, and PLEASE stay safe.

#callout #signal boost #boku no hero academia #bnha #shigaraki tomura #hawks bnha #dabi bnha #shigadabi #akeshu #shuake #persona 5 #p5 akechi #p5 akira #ghirazant #pokemon #pedophilia//

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simptasia · 5 years

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Miles, Dan, and Ben from lost?

ah this is a lot, so under read more

miles straume

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: under his Trying Too Hard To Be Aloof And Edgy persona, he really does care. also his snarky sense of humour. miles is funny

worst quality: he’s kinda an asshole thats a quality i like about him... oh, i guess his greed? he did rip grieving people off for money, that's pretty sucky

ship them with: richard, daniel, charlotte, sawyer, claire, juliet, charlie

brotp them with: all of them plus hurley, kate, frank. isn’t it funny how such an anti-social character can end up with so many friends?

needs to stay away from: [shrugs]

misc. thoughts: i never expected to love miles as much as i’ve grown to over the years but i really do. i love his Sour Outside, Sad Inside personality. he seems like a total jerk at first but in retrospect he’s just putting it on and also its a defense mechanism because of his issues and his powers. he’s funny and such a babe and got way more development than i expected. tho i do wish he got more interactions / more of a dynamic with daniel and charlotte. that trio friendship (and in my mind eventual polyam relationship) is more... theoretical

but hey, thats what im here for. annnyways miles is underrated

aro bi, depressed, huge masochist, secretly loves the ghostbusters

daniel faraday

i’m not comfortable using the word “hot” to describe daniel. he’s not hot

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: [voice breaking] hOw AbOuT eVeRyThInG???

jokes aside about my love of daniel faraday, i am having trouble picking his best quality. his intelligence and neurodivergence (which in turn, effects everything about him) come to mind but most of all? i like how soft spoken, gentle and affectionate he is. i really really like that. he’s also very polite

worst quality: his recklessness and utter disregard for his own safety

ship them with: charlotte, miles, desmond, charlie (and low-key theresa by way of it being canon and like, his first love so aww)

brotp them with: char, miles, frank, claire (it’s a nice thought)

needs to stay away from:

misc. thoughts: as well daniel being an interesting and tragic character, how goshdamn ND he is means a lot to me. as well as his canon brain damage it’s clear from his behaviour he’s just plain not neurotypical. thank jeremy davies for everything he chose to do (actually his acting style/behaviour in general, really)

like it’s impossible for anybody to argue this character is neurotypical. i love that

also i woulda loved for there to be more of him but goshdamn does he make an impact with 23 episodes. i’d say at this point he’s my 2nd fave character

also for a show FILLED with tragic backstories he’s manages to be one of the most tragic and fucked up, and that is one hell of an achievement

bi demi, autistic + anxiety (at least) and has pet rats because i said so

benjamin linus

again, that feels weird but like, i’d smash (but not really, he’s killed ppl)

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: his intelligence, i suppose. also his manner of speaking

worst quality: controlling, manipulative, the murders. mostly the murders (tho, side note: roger and jacob 100% deserved to die. otherwise tho? yikes)

ship them with: locke, danielle (in limbo only), jack

brotp them with: hurley, locke, richard

needs to stay away from: JULIET. YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!!!! also within canon, like, most people? none for ben, goodbye

misc. thoughts: ben’s another character thats up there in terms of my faves (for a long time he was my number one but then i realised oh wait, hurley and daniel) and thanks to michael emerson being the literal best actor in the world, he’s so utterly enthralling. also i love his evolution from The Villian to weird guy who hangs around the good guys and they all sorta tolerate him. he’s one of the most engaging characters in the show, like i’ve never been bored with ben eps or ben scenes. he’s an awful person but an awful person i love to love. also, tho it doesn’t justify it, his life has been pretty fucked up. he’s pretty funny too

bi, autistic + some sort of social behavioural disorder (to be clear, he’s not a sociopath, okay?) and also he’s a virgin (michael emerson approved hc)

#lost headcanons #feels good to be back in my lost groove #blazingcitrine

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constupidity · 6 years

Text

Submit Anon: Why I Left the Hetalia Fandom

Be forwarned, this tale is a long one. Sorry if this story is all over the place. If any readers recognize these people, do not go after them. Real names will not be used in this story, so we’ll call these “Hetalians” in question:

*”Ludwig”, a young woman who Oliver had/has feelings for.

*”Oliver”, the star of this tale, and the ringleader of a cosplay group.

*”Matthew”, the oldest member of the cosplay group, and the only other male besides me. We were very briefly a thing.

*”Feli”, me, the one who had to put up with all this. I’m autistic, and have some sensory issues; I also don’t usually catch typical “cues” right away.

*”Francis”, and “Kiku”, two of Oliver’s sympathizers, friends, and members of her group.

*”Tino”, a Finland cosplayer who honestly was kind of bossy.

I first met these Hetalians when I first started out cosplaying. It was the Saturday of a certain con that I met Ludwig, who, while an attractive woman, I only saw as a friend (remember this as we go on).

We chatted on Tumblr for awhile, and one day she asked if I was going to the Hetalia Day meetup that year. Not knowing about it until then, I said yes! Because of course I wanted to expand my circle of friends, and if these would-be friends have the same interests as me, then that makes it a hundred times easier.

So the day of the meetup came, and so far, everything was fine. Ludwig came about an hour after I did, and unbeknownst to me, and brought a friend of hers along. This is how I met Oliver.

(Quick side note before we continue: I’m the type of person, who even non-romantically, if I’m comfortable enough with a person, I hug, hold hands, etc. willingly, as I otherwise don’t particularly care to touch other people.)

So Ludwig and I head from one pavilion to the other (the meetup was at a rather large park), and as we’re walking, holding hands as we do, we suddenly hear this girl yell at us, and despite being nearly a foot shorter than me (I’m 5’7”, she was like 4’8”, I think?) nearly pulled me to the ground, with such force that I nearly did lose my balance! Now I’m not the assertive type at all, nor did I really understand at the time why Oliver did that to begin with, so I back off a little for the time being.

In fact, I nearly forget about the incident until almost a year later, when Oliver volunteered to pick me up to take me to A-Fest, since I couldn’t (and still can’t OTL) drive, and get me to my hotel. We have somewhat of a decent conversation on the way there. Mostly about other cons we’ve been to previously. Oliver also brought up about Ludwig and how “she was the best thing to ever happen to [her]”. And suddenly her behavior at the meetup made sense to me. Or, it sort of did, I would end up needing a few more hints that came when we picked up Ludwig so we could all go get our badges together, and so I could get checked into the hotel I was staying at.

So among all other things I had with me, a video camera was one of them, because I wanted to (and would still like to) try out the whole “vloging” thing. As soon as Ludwig is in the shot, however, Oliver snaps at me saying “Don’t film my woman!”

I was taken aback, because since when was she your woman? It was established prior to picking her up that Ludwig is only interested in men (cis men, specifically), and that she already had a boyfriend. And there was certainly no polygamy involved. Yet, this whole thing was still going over my head.

Anyway, I get checked in, and even though I booked the hotel room, Tino, who I was unfortunately rooming with, starts acting like she’s the boss. She snapped at me when I didn’t look her in the eyes, even though that’s something I’m not comfortable with (eye contact is very distracting to me), she wouldn’t let me go to sleep until four in the morning, and that was only because I had started shaking and crying from behind so sleep deprived. And because she prioritized con so much, she barely let me eat, or bathe, or brush my teeth. Except maybe one time each, each day? If even that? And despite bringing four characters to cosplay, she only allowed me to wear one! One character, two outfits, the whole con! And she forced me to go to the rave with her; I don’t go to raves, or as I like to call them “sensory overload imminent”, so just imagine how well that went…

There was an incident where I had accidentally left my video camera and my mom’s camera that I was borrowing at the Hetalia photo shoot location; I did get them back a day later (thank you whoever dropped them off at lost and found!), but at the time, I was really upset about it, and Tino wouldn’t let me go look for them, and I ended up having a meltdown because of that, and from being bossed around, and from being so sleep deprived. Did she care? Only because she wanted to get back to con going! Hell, a random passerby was more concerned than she was!

Neglecting her health bit her in the ass on the last day of con, however, as she caught con plague. I don’t wanna say that she had it coming, but she did. And when my shenanigans with her ended, in came Matthew.

Now, at this point, I barely knew him from online, along with past cons and meet ups, but I soon found myself spending Saturdays with him. From there, we became fast friends over the course of a year. He got me into a few other anime titles as well, yet when I tried to get him into my favorite games (since I do mostly prefer video games over anime), he wouldn’t have any of it. He even called Kirby “a video game for babies” once when I wore my Kirby t-shirt!

(Also, funny thing: even though he’s older than me, and owns every Nintendo console, he can’t get the Koopalings’ namesakes correct! That’s like, Nintendo 101 stuff, too!)

Despite this, I somehow managed to develop feelings for him (and I still don’t know why). We went on, maybe three dates at most, before calling it quits.

And Matthew, if you are reading this: Yes, I will admit I was very immature then. I will also admit that arousal is an emotion that I am not 100% familiar with. It was a very confusing mess I should have left you out of. In those regards, I apologize for giving you any unnecessary stress. That is all I will apologize for.

While that whole tangent with Matthew was going on, Oliver decided to start an Another Color Hetalia (better known as 2P) cosplay group, and roped as many of us in as possible. Even though I was assigned a character, I never even got around to starting on the costume, which was for the better really.

It was during this, I learned once and for all that Oliver thought I was trying to steal Ludwig. At Hetalia Day 2014, we were all there, but when I went up to Ludwig to try and say hello to her, some other Hetalians, who I presume were some of Oliver’s cronies, stopped me from going up to her.

“I just want to say ‘hi’!” I said.

“Are you sure about that, Feli?” one of them asked. I just walked away totally confused, wondering what I said or did. I reached two conclusions after the meetup:

1. Oliver must not really like me that much. 2. She thinks I’m trying to steal away Ludwig, even though I have no reason to.

I unfriend her online not long after, but I was still a part of the cosplay group. For some reason.

Anyway, in November that year, there was yet another cosplay meet up I wanted to go to. However, there was no way I could get there myself, as my mom, who would normally take me to these things, would be working on that day. So I ask Francis if she, or anyone else going, could come and get me that day. I ask her at least twice, and she completely ignored me. The day of the meetup comes and goes, and I end up missing it. I told Francis it was mean of her to ignore me, and some friend she was to just forget about one of her friends (in summary; I forget the exact words I used), and unfriended her.

The next day, Oliver messaged me, telling to “say [I’m] sorry to Francis.”…Except Francis was the one at fault, not me?? I never apologize, since she deserved what I said.

One day on Facebook, our cosplay group (yes, I was still somehow a member!) was debating on having an Ask-a-2P Panel, and which con to have it at (since each of our 2015 con schedules were different all around). The main concern was having everyone at the same place at the same time. I took this problem seriously, and decided to make a suggestion.

Now, you know how in theater, every actor has an understudy (aka, a ‘back-up’ actor of sorts to practice alongside the main actor, in the case they need to fill in)? I thought, since Hetalia is a popular cosplay, especially this AU in particular, finding understudies wouldn’t be a problem at all. Plus, it would guarantee we would always have a complete set! That’s how I made sense of it.

Now, I didn’t expect everyone to agree, but it was still an idea worth keeping in mind, at least. Evidently, Oliver didn’t think so. She snapped at me for even thinking of such an idea and was all “don’t ever say again!” and I’m like Bitch, chill out. It was just a suggestion!

I forget about the incident for awhile until 2015, and Ikkicon both come along. I’m waiting in line with Matthew for our badges, when he says it.

“Feli, apologize to Oliver when you see her. ‘Cause that wasn’t cool. This panel/group is like her baby!”

Oh my lord. It was just a freaking suggestion. It didn’t help I was already irritable with other things going on during that time. Now they are going to dump this on me, too? It took all my self control not to snap!

And after that con, I finally ended up leaving the cosplay group. Not because I hadn’t started on my costume, or because of my con schedule, but because I disagreed with Kiku on a headcanon.

Yeah.

Because I didn’t agree with everyone else on some stupid headcanon, nearly everyone in the chat (sans anyone who was offline at the time) gained up on me until I finally snapped at them, told them off, and left. I got one last message from Oliver, but didn’t bother reading it. I blocked her, Francis, Kiku, and Ludwig on Facebook.

Think that’s the last of it? Think again!

Fast forward to A-Fest 2015. I’m having second thoughts about going because of last time. Matthew insisted I come anyway (mostly since I was rooming with him, and owed my share). Now prior to this, I was 90% sure he said he was going to come get me on his way to con. So imagine my shock when he says he will not be picking me up, but is picking up Oliver. I tell him off, decide I’m not going to con. But a mutual friend says they can come get me. I reluctantly, and regretfully, agree.

I end up spending little to no time at the con itself. Matthew got con plague on the first day (haha!). Half the time, I debated whether or not to call my mom to come get me and take me home!

After that con, I find out from Matthew that Oliver “has nothing against me” (as if!) and “wanted to talk to me during A-Fest” (yeah, right!). Unfortunately for her, I want nothing to do with her, or the fandom for that matter, anymore.

Now, I’m not saying everyone in the Hetalia fandom is bad, but these ones in particular really ruined it for me. I guess the only good ending here, is that I am no longer affiliated with those people, and have since found new interests with fandoms that are billion times better!

#submit anon #hetalia

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warp6 · 6 years

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Positivity posts for anon ★ 3/10 - Tuvok

(First of all, apologies to anon for the very, very long pause after the first two posts! I completely lost track of this series, oops, but here we go again! <3)

So, you are in luck, anon, because I love Tuvok.

First of all, can we just take a minute to appreciate Tim Russ’s acting/Tuvok’s Vulcan-ness? Because holy shit. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. Is there even anything to say about this? There isn’t. It speaks for itself. It’s awesome.

Second of all, his relationships with the other characters. His friendship with Janeway? Beautiful. His mentoring relationship with Kes? Beautiful. His deep, quiet, mutually respectful friendship with Seven? Beautiful. (I almost want to say partnership--as in lawyers and buddy cops, not romance--because it feels like they form their own little mutually supportive team.) His care and concern for B’Elanna? Beautiful. His reluctant mutual respect thing with Tom (not to mention their hilarious turn as holo-writing buddies)? Beautiful.

Thirdly...This is a little dark for a positivity post, but “Repression” is one of my favorite episodes; I almost see it as Voyager’s apology for “Retrospect,” deliberately so or not. (Probably not, but still--that title.) Instead of the awful messages of Retrospect, which I’m not even gonna type out because I don’t like to think about them, we have a story centered around someone experiencing a horrific violation in their past--and unlike a lot of Trek/genre storylines where it’s obvious that something would BE traumatic for a character (cough cough The Killing Game, The Q and the Gray, Vis a Vis) but we gloss over that trauma because the a-plot is more important, we explicitly see flashback Tuvok’s fear and pain--that they later uncover the forgotten memory of, and their trauma is seen as 100% real and worthy of sympathy. And maybe it’s not intended as a mental health focused episode, but it sure works as one...the scene where Janeway tries to help Tuvok meditate, mentioning how he has previously helped her learn to meditate (maybe to deal with her own mental health issues?) gets me every time. Tuvok survives something nightmarish and traumatic through the power of his love for his friend and the crew, and the strength of the bond he has formed with them, and if that isn’t badass and vulnerable and heroic, I don’t know what is.

And building off of that, I admit this is more my personal Tuvok headcanon than actual positivity about canon, so I’ll keep this quick, but I think it’s possibly implied (and I wish they’d made explicit) that “Repression” retroactively explains the multiple Tuvok-loses-control episodes that fans like to make dumb jokes about. Having his mind violated and altered would make him more susceptible to similar things affecting him in the future. #PTSDsurvivorTuvok2k17

Anyway.

Last but not least, while this is not something I can speak to personally, I have seen multiple autistic fans say that they could see themselves in Tuvok. And (even if it’d ultimately be ideal to have explicitly neurodivergent characters in Star Trek along with alien allegories) it’s pretty dang cool and important that Tuvok and other characters provide a way for neurodivergent fans to see themselves on TV. Representation always matters.

So, thank you, Tim Russ and Commander Tuvok. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t take a page out of Tom and Harry’s book and add... Live long and prosper. ♥

#tuvok #star trek: voyager #voyager posi #trauma tw #ptsd tw #assault tw

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stopidontgohere · 6 years

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@blender-chan wanted the list of 100 questions answered for two of my ocs. It took forever, but I finally got it done.

1. How do they present themselves to others? 

O: Onnie presents herself as someone who’s more confident than she really is. She can’t really hide how awkward she is though.

M: Moren presents themself as someone who’s witty and fun to be around.

2. Do they like animals? 

Yes

3. How do they dress?

 Already answered

4. How many languages do they know? 

O: Two (then again she may have forgotten one of them)

M: Honestly????? idk

5. How big is their family? 

O: She has two adoptive parents. I’m not sure about siblings.

M: You see, it’s really hard to talk about these things without spoiling my story, but most of this will probably be forgotten by the time it comes out, so whatever. I don’t think it’s possible for them to have a real family.

6. What is their purpose in the story?

 O: Again, huge spoilers. She is given the task to find and stop the incondite, and her major purpose is to collect as much information as possible.

M: They are one of the Unusuals (a type of Synthetic). Their purpose in the Edifice is to manipulate how people perceive things. Not necessarily a bad thing though. They’re not the big Bad Guy of the story. Their purpose in the story is to help Onnie get more info.

7. Do they know how to fight?

 O: Possibly, but she’s not very good at it.

M: Possibly, and they would be better at it than Onnie.

8. What is their back story? 

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS as in this literally isn’t revealed until the end of the story

O: Her father started the creation of the Edifice and wasn’t able to care for her, so she was adopted by the Aldachi family. Nineteen years later, he found and killed her to basically force her into joining the Edifice and becoming a Synthetic.

M: They were actually a friendly mischievous spirit/demon thing until something (what it is I really cannot say, since I want it to be 100% a secret to everyone until the game is released) took control of it. The Staff found them and made them a Synth, basically giving them a home.

9. Why is their name, their name?

 O: Onnie is based on a gemsona I made years ago, named Black Lace Onyx

M: Started as a joke actually. My nickname is Less, and the opposite of less is more

10. Do they have any nick names?

 O: Onnie is technically a nickname. Her real name is Oni Aldachi (or Kuan-Yin Namari)

M: Fritz? idk if that counts, since it was a fake name they made for themself

11. Do they have a romantic interest? 

O: Yeah kinda. She takes an interest in Raech, but there isn’t a whole lot of flirting between them.

M: I don’t know if they know much about romance. They’re probably asexual but idk

12. How do they cope with struggles? 

That’s one of the things I’m still trying to figure out while writing them.

13. Do they have anyone they can lean on? 

They have the other Synths, but that’s probably not a good idea. At least Onnie has Raech, and Moren has Onnie, Izzy, and Kaster

14. How do they react to someone dying? 

They’ve both died before so it’s more of a “been there done that” reaction.

15. Can you name 5 personality traits they have? 

O: Determined, awkward, gay™, honest, stubborn

M: Energetic, loud, witty, supportive, depressed™

16. How did they become a character? 

O: Had to think of a backstory for Onyx, somehow turned her into something completely different and made an entire story about it.

M: Started as a different character named Sketch, who was based on a character from a horror series which I will not name here.

17. Do they get along with others? 

O: It’s hard for her to get to know others, but she tries to treat them well regardless. She loses her patience with strangers easily though.

M: It’s hard to know how they really feel about others. They often pretend to care to keep a good reputation, but the truth is that they tend to find others annoying.

18. What flaws do they have? 

I’m tired so I’m not going to list all of them.

O: Despite wanting everyone to be happy, she tends to say how she really feels about someone. She can be very blunt and insulting, and an come off as rude.

M: They don’t like to ask for help, which can get them in a lot of trouble. When they have a problem, they either ignore it or refuse advice.

19. How do they influence the story? 

Ok I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how to properly answer this question. They both influence the story more than any other characters though.

20. What do they look like? 

O: Short, round face, short black hair, brown eyes, scar on face, light brown skin, maybe a little chubby?

M: Paper white skin with unnaturally green lips, white and green hair, probably has those little anime fangs

21. What are their hobbies?

 Still trying to figure this out

22. What are their ticks?

 I don’t understand this question

23. Do they like children? 

O: She tolerates them

M: Yes, but considering recent circumstances I wouldn’t want them near any.

24. How do they react to being around wild animals? 

They can both handle themselves. Onnie would probably know what to in that situation, and Moren would just be overly confident. Neither of the would do anything stupid, if the animal is dangerous.

25. If they were given the task to prank someone, who would it be, what would they do, and would the prank work? 

O: Onnie would totally prank Moren, or possibly Raech. She would be too afraid to prank anyone else. idk what she’d do though.

M: Moren’s entire existence as a demon has been pranking people because they think it’s fun.

26. Do they have any survival skills? 

O: No.

M: A few, not that they need any

27. Are they more book smart or street smart?

 O: Book

M: A mix of both

28. How do they get out of a difficult situation?

 Answered in 12 and 18

29. Do they use their body, mind, personality or force to get what they want? 

O: Mind. She would use force but alas she is tiny and unintimidating.

M: Uh? Body and mind? It’s a little hard to explain, but it’s also an important plot point.

30. What music do they enjoy?

 man idk shit about music

31. How do they overcome obstacles?

 I feel like I’ve already answered this

32. When faced with a difficult decision do they get stronger or break?

 O: Breaks at first, but then gets stronger

M: Just gets angry idk

33. Do they have any special powers? 

O: She’s an Acquiring Synthetic. She’s able to store information in her brain like a computer.

M: They’re an Unusual Synthetic. They can shape shift.

34. How do they change throughout the story? 

Still working on it

35. Do they have any friends? If so, are they close knit? 

Friendship is kind of an odd thing in this story, since most of it takes place after everyone has died. There are now seven characters all living in one building, and most of them don’t even get along. That being said, Moren really likes hanging out with Izzy and Kaster, and used to be best friends with Onnie.

36. How is their family life? 

O: Killed by her biological father, you tell me

M: Again, idk if demons can have families

37. Are they likable? 

O: Yes, she’s a cutie.

M: WELL UH it depends, they’re very interesting. I think they start as unlikeable, but you start to love them more and more.

38. Are they the hero, or anti-hero?

 O: Hero

M: Pretty much everyone who isn’t Onnie is an antagonist of some sort. Maybe anti-hero pre-possession.

39. Do they make questionable choices?

 O: I think most of her actions are justified.

M: Oh, definitely

40. How do they become who they are?

 I think that’ll depend on the player's actions.

41. How was their childhood? 

O: Her adoptive family cared about her very much.

M: Again. Demon.

42. Are they close with anyone who is going to screw them over?

 O: Yes

M: Possibly

43.How do they adapt to different situations? Do they adapt at all? 

Still figuring it out

44. How do they speak? Examples - Are they soft spoken, hot heated, vulgar 

O: A lot of stuttering

M: They can be pretty gruff and vulgar, but like in a fun way.

45. Are they opposed to violence?  

O: I feel like she’s the kind of person who thinks “I wanna fight it” at least daily, but knows she’s pretty much useless in a fight. So idk

M: They’re not opposed to it, but wouldn’t want to stress or strain themselves over something small.

46. When is their birthday?

 idk

47. Are they quick to judge? 

They both are, but they try not to.

48. Do they have anything they are trying to hide from others?

 O: Nnnnot really?

M: Ha. Oh yeah. I think they told Kaster though.

49. Do they act different around different people? 

O: She’s the same around everyone, mostly because she doesn’t think it’s worth putting up an act.

M: They’re the same around everyone because they’re confident in who they are.

50.Do they enjoy the arts?

 I don’t see either of them as being incredibly artsy.

51. Do they like science?

 O: Yes

M: Sort of

52. Are they more emotional or logical?

 O: She tries to be both

M: EMOTIONAL

53. How do they deal with their emotions?

 I’m probably not going to answer questions like this very well, because as an autistic it’s very hard to put these things into words. Like, I know how, but I cannot phrase it at all.

54. How do they cope with sadness? 

See 53. Moren doesn’t cope with anything really.

55. What is something they care about? 

O: Her memories got wiped at the beginning of the series, so her major care is just her mission, until that character development kicks in.

M: They care about other people thinking like they do, and having fun.

56. Would they die for anyone/anything? 

They’re already dead

57. What do they do when they are happy?

 O: Like the stereotypical autistic happy stims: flapping, infodumping, etc.

M: They get a reaaalllly big smile and a huge contagious laugh.

58. How would they come across to other characters? Examples- messy, lazy, childish, caring ect 

O: Clumsy and awkward, but determined. Some might find her childish but endearing.

M: A bit messy and rude, but alright. Maybe a bit intimidating.

59. Do they have a phrase they use over and over?

 O: Not that I can think of

M: They say dude a lot

60. In a crowded room are they in the corners, sides, or in the middle? 

O: Corners, chilling with Raech.

M: They’d be all over the place

61. Are they comfortable being in a crowded room? 

O: Not really. She would be okay for a bit, but it would overwhelm her after a while.

M: Moreso than Onnie, but not as much as Evonne.

62. How do they relax? 

O: Laying in bed. She doesn’t have a blog but I’m picturing her posting shit to a tech blog or something.

M: Cooking, otherwise idk

63. Have they ever harmed anyone and regretted it? Verbally or physically? 

O: She can say some insensitive things, but immediately regrets it.

M: Kinda. There's an entire plot point about this lol

64. Do they like to dance?

 O: Yes

M: Hell yes

65. How do they get around their environment? Examples - horses, bike, vehicle 

Their only environment is the Edifice and it’s about the size of a small school.

66. What is their pet peeve(s)? 

Man idk i hate answering questions like this

67. Do they have a disability? 

O: She’s autistic

M: idk if being a demon possessed by an even worse demon counts as a disability

68. How do they react to getting flowers? 

O: Shit.. ok call me cringey or whatever but there is a scene where Raech and Onnie make flower crowns because blah blah trying to think positive blah and it’s actually great she loves it!

M: They…. would be confused but appreciate the offer.

69. Would they ever wear a flower crown? 

See above

70. Do they like themselves?

 O: Not really, but she’s getting better

M: No

71. Who do they dislike?

 O: She tries not to dislike anyone, but thinks Kaster and Evonne are kinda weird.

M: They dislike anyone who disagrees with them.

72. What is their motto? 

O: Keep on the sunny side.

M: Do what you want.

73. Do they have any markings on their body?

 O: She has a noticeable scar on her face.

M: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS as the incondite they have markings, but as Moren and the demon they do not.

74. Have they ever been abused? 

Touchy subject

75. What is their biggest fear?

 O: Losing the trust of the other Synths, losing the people she cares about.

M: Being proven wrong, the [REDACTED BC OF SPOILERS]

76. What are their goals?

O: The find and stop the incondite, to gather as much info as possible.

M: To sway others into their way of thinking.

77. How do they go about achieving their goals? 

Again I feel like I’ve answered this one.

78. Do they have a fight or flight response? 

O: Wants to fight, but knows that flight is the safer option.

M: Fight, but let’s be real here they'd probably still want to flee.

79. Is there someone in their life that they care about more than themselves?

 O: Mpossibly..

M: It’s up to interpretation :)

80. How would they fair in zombie apocalypse? 

They’re both already kinda zombies in a way.

81. Do they have any tattoos? If so, are they significant? 

Nope

82. Are they good at mental math? 

O: Oh absolutely yes. She’s a savant.

M: Demons don’t give a shit about math (but yea they’re pretty good at it)

83. Do they get along with others? 

I feel like I’ve answered this before. I apologize if I haven’t.

84 Are they lazy?

 O: No

M: Depends

85. Are they self motivated? 

O: Most of the time

M: Depends

86. How do they cope with anger? 

Again I feel like I’ve answered this

87. Have they ever been in a situation where they were helpless? 

O: Haha yeah

M: Haha YEAH

88. Are they organized or messy? 

O: Both somehow

M: Messy

89. Can they remember a lot of information at once?

 O: Yes, it’s literally her Synth ability

M: Depends on how important it is to them

90. What is their occupation? 

O: Acquiring Synthetic with the ability to store information

M: Unusual Synthetic with the ability to shape shift

91. Do other characters respect your OC, if so, is it out of fear? Or do they respect your OC because they like them? 

Like friendship, respect is an odd thing with the main 7. For the most part, they tolerate each other at best.

92. If they were given minutes to live, what would they do? Who would they want to see and say? 

Again, the whole dead thing

93. How do they deal with stress? 

Another question I cannot answer

94. Do they have a more submissive or dominant personality type? 

O: A little bit of both

M: Dominant

95. Do they have a pet?

 Pets aren’t allowed at the Edifice.

96. Do they have a stash of weapons? 

O: I feel like after the story ends, she shares Raech’s stash of swords. They are the sword gays.

M: They don’t need a weapon.

97. Where do they live? Who do they live with? 

They live at the Edifice with the other Synthetics.

98. How do they calm themselves down? 

Can’t answer

99. Are they co-dependent? 

O: Not sure yet. She tries to be independent.

M: Technically they can’t exist without [REDACTED LOL]

100. Are they a day, or night person?

O: She seems like she should be a night owl, but she gets cranky without her sleep.

M: Day person. Nights aren’t so great for them.

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swallowglass · 4 years

Text

Okay so i have been thinking about this Way Too Much and i’m hoping that by typing it out i can maybe get it out of my head a little bit. Also i literally got out my computer to write this all up because i’m kind of fired up right now and my thumbs cannot type fast enough to keep up. anyway.

In the past i have used two strategies in therapy for communication.

the first one is called Just Smile and Wave, Boys, and basically consists of being honest enough that they believe you but mostly just smiling and being like ‘i’m fine!’ and saying what you know they want to hear. (I may be autistic but a lifetime of masking can really prepare you for this shit.) this has been my standard for years because i Hate Being Vulnerable. This has not gotten me very far. Like it’s prevented me from having to Be Vulnerable and it got me through/out of iop (which i honestly hated so. much.) but it has also not gotten me much progress and contributed to my whole ‘I’m Not Valid’ thing (and possibly other stuff idk). My last therapist told me about s year-ish after i started seeing her that i had made so much progress while seeing her because i was more cooperative and open, when over the past year, my cutting had gotten way (WAY) worse and i had been varying levels of suicidal the whole time. because i was like. I’m Good, How Are You? Part of this is instinctual/second nature and i don’t entirely know how to stop completely (again, masking) but it’s sometimes been deliberate (for example, i did Not wanna be at iop so i was Not honest about Anything.) and also part of it is Emotional Impermanence where i like forget how i feel when i’m not currently feeling it? i guess, and whatever i feel in a moment feels like This Is How I Have Always Felt, And How I Will Always Feel, (it’s way worse when i feel Bad) (like i can usually logically be like, i know i’ve had different emotions in the past, but it doesn’t Feel like it) and part of it is i am absolutly shit at articulating my emotions. also it goes along with my compulsive tendency to make everything serious into a Joke because again. No Vulnerability Allowed. so that’s i think all i’ve got on that method.

However. that approach clearly did not get me very far as far as like. not being a miserable trainwreck goes. in comes the second approach, called: Maybe It Would Be A Good Idea To Actually Be Honest With Your Therapist. There have been bits of this interspersed throughout my various times in therapy, but it was always terrifying and always ended with that overwhelming feeling of ‘oh god i should Not have said that.’ but pretty much starting with ed partial (literally this february oof) i decided that. i was gonna be. more honest. There are still some things that were like, I Legitimately Forgot About That or I Don’t Know How To Articulate That, and there were some things i just like, can’t bring myself to bring up? but was honest (ish) about if i was asked. It was definitely the most open i have ever been. I told her about things i have never told to anyone else. i Stepped Out Of My Comfort Zone. i very frequently shared things and then Immediately regretted it (as one does). whatever. It kind of blew up in my face.

(i realized i never made a post explaining What Went Down, and at this point i’m not going to. But part of it was i Shared Stuff and Regretted It and part of it was I Was Open And Now I Feel Betrayed And Abandoned and also some other stuff i’m not going to get into.)

Sooner or later i am going to be forced into Treatment again, and given that the most recent attempt to be Honest didn’t work and i am still Upset about what happened, i am not going to be Good anymore. This is 100% me lashing out/being self destructive because i feel hurt and betrayed, and also the hurt and lost and angry and scared 15 year old me who is still there making the decisions. I am aware of this and i do not care.

Enter: strategy three: I Am Angry And I Am No Longer Cooperating. I did this when i was at the ADHD place and on too much medication and was Super Angry all the time, and when my mom would go to therapy with me and she would try to make me talk about things i didn’t wanna talk about and wounldn’t let me change the subject. That was mostly Silence. ie, If I Can’t Talk About Something Else I Will Spend The Rest Of The Appointment Being Silent And Staring At The Floor. More recently, since stopping ed partial, this has been going back full tilt to ED Behaviors. this will be, when i go back (sooner or later), I Am Not Doing The Things You Want Me To Do.

I think i’m angry because i really tried, and everyone acted like they cared about me, and now i feel Betrayed and Abandoned (how many times am i gonna type that lol) so next time i’m not going to put in the effort and be vulnerable because i don’t want it to happen again. Also, my go-to impulse to any negative interpersonal experience is to be Self Destructive. Also also, if someone wants to say they Care in the future, they have to prove it to me before i start to cooperate. there’s also probably other stuff going on there too but i haven’t thought that far yet. idk. I am aware of this and i am aware of that it’s Bad and not what i’m supposed to do and i do not care. also, i will not be telling this to anyone. figure it out yourself.

#hooooooooooooooo boy #sorry i just wrote a fucking novel #but it's good to organize my thoughts on this #anyway #sorry if anyone actually read this.#obligatory Do Not Be Like Me message #troubled thoughts.txt

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